#metanoia chapter fifteen

[greasergal]

Metanoia

Pairing: Older!Mikey Walsh x OC!FemReader

Warnings: language, angst, slow burn romance, sexual innuendos, drinking, dark past, mentions of depression

Summary: Estella spent a lot of her life not really knowing who she was. So on a journey to figure that out she said good bye to the life she had made in search of one she would enjoy. Which is how she happened to stumble upon the Goondocks and the best group of friends she had ever met.

Chapter List:

Prologue

One coming soon

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

Seventeen

Eighteen

Nineteen

Twenty

Twenty One?

it is possible you have read a version of this on wattpad, do not worry I am the original writer, and this is my rewrite. hope you enjoy ♡

[ilguna]

Metanoia - Chapter Fifteen (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 10.7k

Warnings; swearing, mention of murder and torture

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

uhhh long ass chapter jfc

–

You tap the end of the spoon against the table, “Maybe more gasoline?”

Beetee gives you a look, “I’ve engineered these perfectly--”

“I’m literally from District Two, I manufactured weapons. Just add a bit more gas, and see what happens, it can’t hurt, can it?”

Beetee readjusts the glasses on his face, “I suppose not.” he gets to work, and you scoop some of the carrots onto your spoon, trying not to make a face when you force them down your throat. They’ve gotten cold from how long you’ve been stalling, “You’ve made molotov arrows before?”

“Well…” you make a face, and he turns his eyes to you, “I wouldn’t say that. I’ve… experimented that’s for sure.”

Gale laughs, “What does that mean?”

“It means I’ve illegally made weapons and sometimes started bush fires because of it,” you laugh, “And I’ve never been caught, either.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be in here.” Beetee mutters.

You roll your eyes, “As if I would willingly do work now. Just telling you to add more gas was a bore.”

Beetee screws the top back onto the arrow, being careless with it to see if it’ll explode or whatever. Which means that you should definitely put some distance between you and the psychopath here, you’re not too fond of being inside of a molotov. No matter how small that arrow is, there will be a ton of fire.

“Give it a shot.” you motion at Gale, “Seriously.”

“It won’t set the studio on fire?”

“You’re talking to the two engineers, here. Go ahead before I do it myself.”

Gale picks up the crossbow, and then takes the arrow that Beetee is offering him. While he prepares everything, you swivel around to face Gale, while Beetee has to turn the entire wheelchair to see.

“I’ve been trying to make a trident for Finnick.” Beetee begins, the two of you watch Gale prepare, the people on the other end of the room have fire extinguishers ready to put the fire out as soon as the arrow is fired.

“Don’t make it look like an actual trident, keep the design as close as possible to the one he had inside of the arena.” you scoop up another spoonful of carrots, “And make it hollow in the middle, it’ll be easier to move around--and you can make it compatible that way too.”

“Ready?” Gale asks.

“We’ve been ready.” you eat the cold, slimy carrots.

Gale fires the arrow, and right when it hits the bullseye, it explodes into fire. The entire target, the wall behind it, mostly the floor and some get onto the ceiling too. The crew runs forward, putting out the fire before it can spread across the entire room.

You look at Beetee, “See? Not too shabby.”

“Know any ways to make them waterproof?”

“Wax, water rolls right off of it. Don’t lay it on too thick, and you’ll be just fine.” You set the empty tray onto the table, “

“They should have sent you down here sooner.” Gale says, coming back over, “Imagine how much faster all of this would have been made.”

“Beetee would have gotten fed up with me, if he isn’t already.” you say, stretching. 

“You’re not too bad to be around.” 

“You only like me because I make your weapon engineering much easier. I’m able to catch your mistakes before you even make them.” you tuck your legs in.

He ignores what you said, moving on to Gale, “How’s Katniss doing?”

Gale doesn’t give much of an answer, “Recovering.”

“Let me guess, she’s still mad at you?” you raise your eyebrows. For this, he tells you to shut up. You shrug, getting back to the sketch you were working on for your own personal weapon, “Hey, if you can’t see how out of line you were, then that’s your deal.”

“How was I out of line?”

You place the sketchbook on your knee, “Dude, you called her fiance weak for doing what he could to stay alive. Obviously you two are still pretty close after that, but I wouldn’t have made a comment like that.” you pause for a moment, looking at Gale, “Then again, you don’t know what it’s like to be under a microscope, you can run your mouth all you want, because you were nothing but a coal miner.”

Gale practically rolls his eyes, “I know what it’s like, Katniss had to start calling me her cousin.”

“Katniss was the one being watched, don’t flatter yourself.” you go back to what you were doing.

“She’s right.” Beetee chips in, “(Y/n), I mean.”

“Right.”

The sound of boots on cement makes you look up, expecting Gale to be the one walking away. He doesn’t normally like to take shit from you or Beetee. Coming down here is like a safe place, allowing him to vent and blow steam when he gets to test out the new fancy weapons.

Gale stands right where he was before, which means that it’s someone else. And since Beetee can’t walk, you turn around in the chair to see who it is.

It’s Finnick. His hands are in his pockets, with a gleeful smile on his face, “Good afternoon.”

Gale is just as suspicious as you are, “What are you up to?”

“What was I up to.” he corrects, coming to a stop behind your chair, “It’s a surprise.”

Beetee makes a face, and then wheels himself around so that he’s facing the table again. As he gets back to work, you resume critiquing Gale, and Finnick finds where he wants to be.

“Gale, don’t get me wrong, I can sorta see where you’re coming from, but you need to see it from our perspective too.” you drop your leg, “Let’s compare you to Peeta, since you were doing that already by saying you’d never say what you said.

“He had absolutely no clue what the fuck was going on. Peeta didn’t know that there was a plan to get him and Katniss out of the arena, he didn’t know that Coin was planning on using Katniss as a symbol. The only things he did know was what the Capitol fed him to get him on their side.

“And if you still can’t see eye to eye with it, imagine a gun pointed to Katniss’ head. If you so much as step out of line in a way that Snow doesn’t like, he’ll shoot her. It’s not his family, friend or girlfriend that he’s killing, it’s yours. And if you don’t cooperate after Katniss, he’s grabbing the next dearest thing to you.” you lean back in the chair, “And before you say shit, Snow literally did that to me twice. First was right after I won my games and he killed my entire family, and the second time was when we found Tanith dead in a chair. It’s a little different for Tanith, because she was already dead, but he still tried to use her against me.”

“Okay, but what were they threatening Peeta with?”

“His life, for starters.” Finnick says, “And likely his family too.”

Gale doesn’t say anything after that.

“How’s this design?” You offer the sketchbook for Beetee, and he takes it.

“We could probably start this now.” Beetee says, “Mind doing something for Finnick, too?”

“Sure.”

He hands it back, but Finnick takes it before you’re able to grab a hold of it. Sighing, you look up at Finnick, watching his face as he looks over the page, “These are swords.”

“Sai’s.” you correct.

Finnick gives you a look, “But it says right here--”

“--that it’s basically a sword, yes, I know. Normally they’re used to disarm someone--as I showed you before. But I want some that are actually sharp. Blunt force trauma is fun, but what’s even more fun is spilling someone’s guts in front of them.”

Finnick hands the book back, “Sword.”

“Sure.” you cross your legs, “What are you here for, other to annoy me?”

“Keeping an eye on you three for the next couple of hours.” Finnick pulls up a chair of his own, mirroring your stance.

“Sounds exciting.”

Everything falls back into rhythm. Beetee goes back to tinkering on arrows, having Gale use the decoys. And the times he’s not shooting arrows, he’s sitting in a chair talking to you guys. You cough up a couple of sketches for Beetee, hoping that it’ll be good enough.

You might be the one from District Two, but that doesn’t mean you actually put things together. The legal age to actually get into the warehouses is eighteen, and since you went into the games at sixteen and won, you never really had to work. You’ve sat on money for your entire life. The only people that worked were your parents, aunts and uncles and some of your cousins.

Those same cousins taught you how to put things together before your games--obviously. During family get togethers, you’d all disappear for a little while, which is when they’d take the chance. They always thought it was so cool to pass on forbidden knowledge, and have it all be a secret between you guys.

They had this secret stash of gadgets inside of a log, and they’d fuck around with it until it turned into something dangerous. Honestly, the first thing you learned from them was the molotov, and when you threw it on a rock, it exploded and the dead grass around it caught fire.

Cue you all scooping the gadgets into your shirts and taking off behind the houses to get as far as possible. Your older cousin had a backup spot not too far away, you dumped all the shit there and got back to the house in record time. Before the firefighters had even left their stations.

It’s a wonder why you weren’t caught, cause that wasn’t the first time that area specifically had been set on fire, and it wouldn’t be the last either. The firefighters definitely had an idea of why it would always set ablaze, but never pursued it. After a while, they started to monitor the place on extremely hot days, thinking that it was the sun that was starting the fires.

If only they had known that it was a bunch of teenagers doing that shit for fun.

After a while, Beetee gets tired of the arrows and starts over to the crew to begin making the sai’s. While they’re heating up the metal, he gets to making the hilt.

“I feel like we’re doing more work than we have to.” you look at Beetee.

“Do you want it to be fucked up, or do you want it to be done right the first time?” He raises his glasses above his eyes when he looks right back at you.

“The first time.” you sigh.

When you get back to work, Finnick moves in closer, curious as to how you’re designing his new weapon. Every now and then he’ll point out the practicalities, and weighing in on how he would rather it be built. 

“This doesn’t even look like a trident anymore.” you hold the journal away from your face, and turn it so it’s long-ways since the entire trident spans over both pages, “It’s basically the opposite.”

“But think of it this way.” Finnick reaches over, touching where the blades of the trident are, “Initial stab, right? But the rest of this does more damage.”

There’s a spear point at the top of the trident, which isn’t the problem. That’s pretty normal when it comes to the design. However, instead of wanting all the other blades facing up and towards it, he wants it downwards.

“And you can even make it compatible!” Finnick grins.

“At least we agree on one thing.” You pass the journal to him, “Go ahead and show Beetee, he’s the one in charge.”

Finnick goes over, and it’s basically halfway across the room, since Beetee is hovering over the crew’s work like a hawk. He wasn’t playing around when he said that he would like it to be perfect the first time around.

“Finnick’s into you.” Gale says.

“You say that like he’s not my soulmate.” you give Gale a look, “Also, I’m not into Finnick.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not a teenager and I don’t date people right after they broke up with their girlfriends.” you turn back to Finnick to see that he’s discussing the weapon with Beetee and a crew member.

“If there was no Annie, would you have dated him then?”

You squint, “No.”

Gale laughs, but doesn’t say anything because Finnick is heading your guys’ way again. He drops the journal in Beetee’s workspace on his way over, “Beetee will start it tonight.”

“Cool.” you get up, picking up the lunch tray, “Am I free to leave now?”

“Yes,” Finnick says, but he makes a point to stay in front of both you and Gale. 

“See ya later, Beetee!” you shout, “Send someone if you need my help.”

He waves, and then goes back to hovering.

Finnick starts up the staircase first, and Gale walks beside you, “Any progress on Peeta?”

Gale rolls his eyes, you can feel it, “Same as he was before. I saw him before coming here.”

“Katniss still saying no?” you look over.

Gale nods.

“That’s reasonable, I wouldn’t want to go near him either…” you trail off for a moment, and then laugh to yourself.

Finnick glances over his shoulder curiously, “What is it?”

You chuckle a bit, “Out of everyone, I’m definitely last on the list of people he wants to see.”

“Why’s that?”

Your smile is small as you look at your feet, rather than up at Finnick, “I nearly killed Peeta.”

“After the birds? I know--” Finnick says.

“No, after. After you had been pulled out of the arena, did I tell either of you that story?”

Gale says no, which is expected, but Finnick thinks about it before answerings, “We talked about emotion when you first got here, and how intense it was.”

“Well, after I left the lightning tree, my real goal was to go downhill and straight for the cornucopia. I thought that if the jungle were to burn, I would need to take my chances in the middle. On the way, I found a livid Peeta, and a strangely calm Johanna.” you smile, “Peeta started screaming at me instead, and Johanna urged me not to do anything.

“But then Peeta backed me into a rock, so when I got up, I punched him twice. Kicked him a couple of times while he was down, and then Johanna stepped in--” Finnick has slowed down now, he watches you, “--and naturally I knocked her out with a single right hook, since she’s… weak to say the least. She hit her head on a rock on the way down, and I thought I’d finish her off later.

“As for Peeta, it was just him and I.” the smile develops into a grin, “I was about to rip him apart--and I mean minutes from doing it. But then the peacekeepers came and I thought that it would be better to leave the situation as it was.”

“You’re… sadistic.” Gale says.

“I’ve heard it all before.” you say, looking at Finnick.

“At least you didn’t kill them.” Finnick says.

“Peeta knew that I was about to. Doesn’t matter if I did it or not.”

Gale laughs now, “You should go visit him to see what he says.”

“He’d probably get mad at me for not killing him when I had the chance. I’m surprised he didn’t strangle me in that hovercraft.”

“The tracker jacker venom fucked with his head, he probably barely recognized you.” Gale says.

At the top of the staircase, Finnick stops you, “We’ll see you later, Gale.”

“Sounds good to me. I’m going to see Boggs.”

You salute as a joke, getting an eye roll in return. Finnick purposely waits until Gale is gone, and then he moves out of your way, “You’re getting better.”

“At making people like me?” you ask, giving Finnick a look, “You know, a genius once told me that I’m not as dislikable as I think.”

Finnick raises his eyebrows, “A genius you say?”

“Maybe not a genius.” you laugh, and Finnick joins in, “So what were you up to?”

“You’ll see in a couple of hours.”

“Is that why we aren’t getting off on the floor we normally do?” you stare at your feet.

“We’re heading straight for the medical floor to Johanna.”

You stop on the stairs, and Finnick gets a couple of steps above you, “Did you not just hear my whole story?”

“The worst Johanna will do is run her mouth about the fact that you didn’t kill her when you had the chance. And if you don’t believe me, you can ask one of the nurses. We’ve heard her speech a couple of times now.”

“Then can I opt out and go to the dorm instead?” you start up the stairs again.

“You’re really going to leave me to talk to Johanna?”

Your eyebrows draw together, “You’re the one that wants to see her!”

“Come on, we see Johanna and then we go to the dorm right after, I promise.” Finnick says.

You hold out your pinky for Finnick, and with a slight chuckle, he pinky promises you. The two of you resume your journey up the stairs, and then he says, “Unless we talk for too long.”

You press your lips together, not giving him the satisfaction of a reaction. He laughs anyway.

When the two of you reach Johanna’s room, you hang by the door, not really wanting to go inside. You don’t like the look of the room, much less the idea of being back inside of it. Ever since you’ve been granted the freedom, you’ve made a point of not coming back to the hospital--or infirmary--floor, no matter the reason.

The other day, you cut your hand on a blade down in the workshop. The crew had wanted to call someone down to come and take care of you, and you barely stopped them in time. Over your dead body, would you be brought back here to sit and wallow in white for a couple of days.

Especially over something as childish as a cut. So, you found the first aid kit, cleaned out the wound and Beetee stitched it up for you. The crew was a little surprised how calm you were during the entire procedure but the only thing you had to say was ‘high pain tolerance’ after all your years of bullshit.

So being back here makes you nervous. As if someone will pop out from one of the walls and tie you down to a bed for absolutely no reason. You’re perfectly healthy, and the nurses and doctors knew this. Even after you had tests that came back negative for poison in your system, you were required to stay.

Finnick and Johanna’s conversation is surprisingly normal and boring. There was absolutely no reason for you to tag along, except for Finnick’s own request. The only reason why you’re here is to be nice.

As if Finnick’s read your mind, he looks at you, “(Y/n) been helping Beetee out in the workshop lately, designing weapons.”

Johanna’s eyes drag over to you, bored of it already, “She’s being helpful for once?”

You stare at her.

“She’s done quite a lot, Johanna.” Finnick says, looking back at her, “She’s the one that opened the conversation about rescuing you and the others from the Capitol.”

“For her own benefit.” Johanna laughs, “Because she can’t stand being alone. It’s why she’s kept you around so long, you know? Not because she likes you, but because she needs another soul to harvest. She’s like the fucking grim reaper.” she looks at you now, “A heartless murderer.”

You take a deep breath, and then a smile spreads over your face, “I should have killed you when I had the chance. At least then, there would be one less leech on the morphling supply.” you spit, “You deserve everything that Snow gave you, the waterboarding, the near-drowning. It’s a shame that he only kept you alive so you’d suffer and become nothing but another downer on everyone around you.”

Finnick’s head whips in your direction, clearly not expecting the outburst. You’ve been so good for so long, but there’s something about Johanna that just gets you steaming. 

“I should have stomped your head into that fucking rock in front of Peeta.” you seethe, “And then I should’ve beaten Peeta to death, because you two weren’t nearly worth sacrificing my life over.” you shake your head, “You’re nothing but another morphling addict. Another victor that couldn’t take the fucking heat. If I were you, I’d just kill myself from how embarrased I’d be.”

Johanna’s been smiling at you the entire time, like she wanted this sort of reaction, and so you finish it off, “It’s probably how Blight felt too.” 

Her smile drops, and her hand is reaching towards the needles in her arms before her feet have even hit the ground. You stand your ground, allowing Finnick to get her to stop because she does some real damage to her veins.

“(Y/n)--go!” Finnick’s angry, and he glares at you over his shoulder.

“My fucking pleasure.” you spit, leaving the doorway.

It was worth it. Every word that left your mouth was fucking worth it. Being nice to people is such a fucking chore, especially when it’s towards people who don’t deserve it.

You stand in the stairwell for a moment, thinking about where you’d want to go. But there’s really no place that’s safe if Finnick comes looking for you. The workshop and dorm are an obvious place, as well as the stream you stumbled upon. He’ll check with Boggs and Gale--and there’s no one else here that likes you.

You hate it here.

You thought you would be able to make this place feel like a real home and maybe even like it, but it’s not worth it. This whole place isn’t worth it to you.

Everything inside of you is a frenzy. 

You have to go home.

You start up the staircase, knowing that seeing Plutarch and finding a ride would be the place to start. He might not be happy about it, but there’s really no need for you here. You’re not doing anything besides designing personal weapons that Beetee likes and doesn’t like. 

Occasionally you’re genuinely helpful with dumb shit, but that’s the extent of it. Other than that, you’re miserable. The freedom you have isn’t actual freedom. 

You hop up the last couple of steps, and round the corner to the door to the control room. You practically throw it open, nearly letting it hit the wall, when your hand appears between the crack to stop it.

At your appearance, a few people look over. The only eyes who stick are Boggs, Gale, Haymitch and Plutarch.

“Where’s Finnick?” Gale asks.

“Not his owner,” you go down the steps, eyes on Plutarch, “I want a ride to District Two. Your next hovercraft is mine to take.”

Boggs stands up, crossing his arms, “What about the workshop?”

“Boring, Beetee has it under control.”

“And Finnick?” Haymitch asks, “I thought you were just liking it here--”

“I’m a liar.” 

Gale sighs, “Tell us what happened.”

“Johanna and I are going to end up killing each other the next time we come face to face.” your eyes land on Plutarch to see he has an eye on his watch, “So unless you feel like cleaning up a dead body, I’ll take one free ticket to District Two.”

“The next hovercraft is leaving in fifteen minutes.” Plutarch looks up now, “I’ll call in and let them know you’re going.”

“Does Finnick know you’re doing this?” Gale asks, “He’s going to be upset if we have to tell him--”

“It’s his fault for getting attached to me.” your face is serious, and then the smile spreads over your face, because of the irony of that statement. After what Johanna had said… “He’s your problem now, good luck.”

You go up the steps, heading right out the door you came in. You can’t take the staircase to the top, so you make your way to the elevator instead. You press the button, waiting patiently with a smile on your face.

The hovercrafts that they’re using to get the supplies to and from District Two are the slow type. District Thirteen is in no rush to get the crates there, so it won’t be a surprise to you if it takes more than just a couple of hours for you to get there. Or if it makes stops along the way.

The elevator arrives, you pull up the safety bar, and then step inside, pulling it back down. You punch the top floor button with your thumb, then you go to stare as the floors disappear beneath your feet.

At least back home you don’t have to act and lie for the happiness of others. Especially if your first and only stop is going to be your house in victor’s village. And if you need groceries, it looks like you’ll be hunting for food to eat. Or you might actually have to go into town and ransack the already destroyed buildings.

Most of the people that used to own the shops are probably dead, or they won’t be returning back home for a while. The entirety of victor’s village is going to be a graveyard--there might even still be rotting bodies inside of the houses. If the smell is too unbearable, you could always bury the corpses yourself.

It wouldn’t be the first time.

At the top, there’s someone waiting on the ramp. You don’t bother waiting for them to tell you to hurry it up, you start jogging immediately. The faster you get on, the faster you can take off.

“I’m ready.” you say when you get to the ramp.

“Good, take a seat and strap in.” the man follows you in.

--

The whole district is in ruins.

The last time you were here, everything seemed to be in near perfect condition, apart from the obvious looting that had taken place. The broken windows, and the wood splinters in the gravel could be easily looked over. But it’s much harder to see this place as it once was.

Most stores and houses that were made out of wood, and had been passed down from generation to generation have been burned to ashes or their cement flooring. There’s nothing left of them, not the furniture inside, and definitely not the foundation. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that they were vacant lots.

If they couldn’t burn, then they were bombed. Chunks of cement and brick have now joined the mixture in the gravel. The roofs have long since caved in, and just one gust of wind makes the walls shudder. All it would take is one more bomb dropped in this area, and it all would come crashing down. 

The air around you is hardly breathable too. Before you had stepped off the hovercraft you were given a mask--not the same gas mask that you’d used during the tribute center invasion--and a pair of sunglasses that would help you see through the debris and smoke.

It’s almost like fog, but so much worse. It’s smoke from fires that can’t be put out, and it’s from the bombs that are from your own district. The loyalists and the rebels are still fighting over this place. Katniss’ visit here hadn’t done much good, in fact you’d say that it made it a lot worse.

As you wander through the streets towards victor’s village, you come up with a lousy plan that’ll likely get you killed. 

Coin had thought that sending Katniss here was a good idea, but it wasn’t by any means. Katniss got a bullet to her ribs, which bruised a ton of them, and put her right back into a hospital bed. They clearly didn’t think about what would happen if you mix people who don’t mind the games, with someone who’s leading a rebellion.

You’ve seen the speech, and as heartfelt as it was, it’s not what they want to hear. 

Here’s the way you saw it at first; this girl from the poorest part of District Twelve is kicking up a rebellion that’ll likely destroy the system that’s making District Two rich, and the favorite. District Two thinks that they’re going to get everything taken away from them. Their houses, nice clothes and furniture, the good paying jobs.

You would all much rather send in the two kids a year--mostly because your children are prepared ahead of time, and therefore the career districts have nothing to lose--than take the risk of getting everything taken away. The Capitol absolutely adores you guys, with all that you supply them. 

So, instead of having the girl that’s leading the rebellion try and convince the loyalists that they’re on the wrong side. You have someone who’s lived in the same luxury as them do it instead. How is Katniss supposed to understand how you all feel? She despised the games, while the rest of you adored it.

The outsider districts don’t understand the need for luxury and favoritism. They’ve lived on the hated side of the Capitol for a long time. The Capitol expects them to underperform in the games, so that’s why they don’t ever see the spotlight until they get a winner.

Anyway, you’re going to get to your house, change into something that says ‘living in luxury’ and then march your way to the justice building. There, you won’t ask for any sort of protection but an escort there instead. You won’t carry any weapons, you won’t pull on a bulletproof vest.

If they shoot you, then they’ll have made their choice very clear.

The gate entrance to the village is all sorts of broken. You barely push the metal door open, and the entire thing falls apart in your hands. You have to prop it up against the fence, being sure that it won’t fall over before you move on to go inside. Then, you waste no time with a quick jog through.

The fountain in the first part of the village is dry. The cement is no longer grey, it’s black from the amount of fire that must have washed through here. On the tiles that line the bottom, there’s melted coins. You’re tempted to reach in and pick one out when you realize just how bad of an idea that is.

You continue down the stone brick path after that, taking in note of every house that you pass. The doors are slightly ajar, most windows seem to be shattered, and a couple are burned down to the foundation. Most still stand though, Sorcha, Enobaria, Brutus, Tanith and Zavian’s seem to be in good condition.

As for Lyme, her house is completely gone. You have an idea that it might be because of the fact that she’s helping the rebels, and some of the loyalists must’ve gotten behind their lines to come and burn hers down specifically. As for the others, there must be a bigger story behind it.

As you come into the third part of the neighborhood, you cross your fingers as you hope it’s not like Lyme’s. You just want a moment inside of a clean house, to be able to go upstairs and find out that there’s running water. Then you’ll take a shower, get dressed in fancy clothing and put on makeup as if there isn’t hellfire around you.

It takes you a moment to find it, because all the houses in this section are still standing. And then you realize that your house is the only one that looks fresh. It hasn’t been touched by all the ash and smoke, it’s still as bright white as the day you received it. Perfect condition.

No windows are broken, the wood and cement show no signs of it being on fire at any point in time. The door is shut tight, a little stuck so you have to rattle the handle until it comes loose. You swing the door wide open, standing in the doorway as you wait to see a mess.

But it’s clean. Of course, the house has collected dust, but there’s no blood. There’s no broken vases, or stuffing all over the floor. It’s how you left it. 

You shut the door behind you, locking it for good measure. As you go inside, you can’t help but to look around and gape like you’re on a house tour. Nothing has been touched, which is the part that baffles you the most. Both the inside and outside are great.

For a moment, you’re not sure why you’re so surprised that nothing had happened--apart from the fact that the whole neighborhood is disgusting. And then you remember the last time you came home from the games. With the house torn apart with dead bodies frozen in time.

“He seriously fucked me up, didn’t he?” you ask, laughing to yourself. 

The house does smell pretty bad though, and the scent only gets stronger the more you head towards the kitchen. You have to plug your nose, strictly breathing in and out through your mouth, blinking away the tears that form in your eyes. It’s just so strong…

Going through the doorway, you take your time to look for anything that might be off. There is nothing, but you’re sure that it was coming from here specifically, and the second that you test the water with a breath of air through your nose, you gag. You go back to breathing through your mouth, even though you can taste the toxicity.

It’s not gas, that’s for sure. It’s something else…

The kitchen, the smell, the fact you haven’t been here--it’s the fridge. The food inside of the fridge and the cupboards are likely rotting. You can picture the mold in your mind already, and you shiver a little. Deciding that it’s better not to investigate further, you head straight upstairs instead.

On the way to your room, you can’t help but to pop open the doors and take a look inside. It’s just the paranoia now that’s making you do this. You don’t think you’ll find anyone in here, it’s just the thought of someone maybe hiding and waiting for you. A house like yours shouldn’t be in perfect condition, not after everything that’s happened.

And yet, there is nothing. Not even in your master bedroom, and not in the bathroom either. Despite this, you also lock your bedroom door, stripping on the way to the bathroom. And when you get inside of there, you lock that one too. For a second, the water in the shower runs cold, but then it turns warm.

While you let it heat up a little more, you take a look at yourself in the mirror for the first time in a couple of weeks. The mirrors that they have in District Thirteen are practically useless, they might as well not have them at all. You can barely see your face in them, and they’re permanently fogged over. At first, you thought that there was a protective film, until you realized that they were just shit quality.

Your fingers dance along the scars that cover you from head to toe. You turn your body to get a better angle, only to be disappointed when they continue. You force yourself to lean onto the counter, even though you’re so incredibly uncomfortable now, but curiosity is what’s fueling it all.

Then you’re able to see that the spider bite scars exist on your face too. They’re faint though, not too noticeable. What is noticeable, is the fact that there’s a scar that’s right beneath your eye. It’s so small that you can see it, even with you leaning over the counter.

You wipe the fog off the mirror, hopping onto the counter. You’re basically pressed against the mirror with how you’re seated as you desperately try to see what the fuck is beneath your eye. Wiping the mirror again, you take your chance to see.

C.S.

Your face twists as you back up, trying to think of who has those initials. Much less who would leave it on you like they’re marking their territory. You slide off the counter, rubbing beneath your eye, wishing that it’ll just go away, but it won’t.

Then it clicks, and you almost wish it hadn’t.

Coriolanus Snow.

You stare at yourself in the mirror, mouth hanging open as you watch the fog take over the mirror again, and your naked figure is covered up as a result.

He marked you. Snow fucking marked you like you’re his pet.

Your hand has swiped the vase off the counter before you’ve realized it. It isn’t until it’s shattered, when you’re jumping out of your skin. Even then, you’re still captivated by the amount of rage that’s running through your veins.

“Motherfucker!” you yell, digging your nail into the spot, gritting your teeth when it hurts. But it has to go. It has to be defaced. You won’t be seen as his. You don’t belong to Snow.

It’s a relief when your bare nail breaks skin. Though, more pain spikes in that one spot, and even in your eye a little bit. You lean on the counter, squeezing your eyes shut and giving yourself a moment to recover before you head into the shower.

You can’t fucking believe this.

--

You had always told yourself that you would be saving this dress for an occasion that you’d never be able to replicate. No weddings, funerals or parties. No victory tour, no get together, no reaping. You had to save it for something that would be groundbreaking, something that would change the game altogether.

At first, you didn’t want to pick it up for even this. Then you remembered that you have a chance of dying, and thought that was an event you’d never be able to replicate. Because you’d be dead.

And now that you’re walking to the justice buildings, holding the dress up so that it doesn’t get caught in the gravel and what lies inside of you, you’re beginning to see that you’ve got to make it count. Not the dress, but this entire encounter. If they don’t end up killing you, they’re definitely not going to let you come back again. Not peacefully, at least.

All you have to do is make them hesitate. Make them think for the rebel’s side for a second. That’s all you need. A moment of apprehension that they’ll never be able to take back. And since you’re pretty good at playing devil's advocate, this will be a walk in the park.

Seeing a sudden blast of dust and dirt heading your way, you make a home behind a building, aiming the umbrella you’re holding towards the corner that’s closest to you. It takes a moment before the dust storm comes through. The rocks pelt the plastic, and they attack your bare legs.

Since the umbrella is see-through, you’re able to tell when it dies down. You don’t wait to make sure that it’s over completely, because you never know when another gust will roll on in. At some point in time, you recognize the streets that the scouting group had brought you through, so you take that carefully.

You’re still fairly surprised that Paylor and Lyme hadn’t taken your statement of a survey group into consideration. And if they did, then that didn’t last as long as you thought it would. It’s literally only been two to three weeks since you were here last.

You guess that just means that they can’t spare the people as much as they could before. Which says a lot--that they’re losing the battle they swore that they’d be able to win. Coin said in one of her speeches that it wouldn’t be easy, and it would take a while. And here you are, thinking that you’ll be able to change their minds in a day.

“Watch this.” you smile to yourself.

You go around a corner, only to stop dead in your tracks. Standing right in front of you are some pretty armored people, holding a gun pointed straight at your chest. 

“State your name and business.”

“I see Lyme’s upgraded her shitty guards.” you give him a smile, “(Y/n) Rosecelli.”

He lowers the gun, “You’re supposed to be in District Thirteen.”

“It’s not as glamorous as it seems.” you say, continuing your way down the alley, “Quite boring. Is Lyme in the justice building?”

“Yes, I can bring--”

“I’ve got it.” you cut him off, leaving him behind you.

“I wouldn’t recommend going that way.”

“Whatever!” you shout, going right out.

The steps to the building are pretty wrecked, but there’s just enough stone for you to be able to go up them. You hike the dress up a little higher, stomping your heels when you step, as you try to get the gravel and glass off your shoes. The people standing outside the building seem confused at first.

“Excuse me.” you say, moving right past them as you head through the doors.

You take the stairs up, still having an iron grip on the dress. You won’t let it down until you’re standing in front of rebels. You swear on everything.

You pass a third set of guards on your way inside of the meeting room that they had used the first time. When the door pops open, you can see a familiar face on the hologram screen. Alma Coin.

Paylor and Lyme look over simultaneously to see who’s entered the room. 

“(Y/n)’s here.” Lyme says, standing up now.

“Good.” Coin says, “Won’t you join us?”

You make a face, stepping inside and shutting the door. You don’t head that far inside, sticking rather close to the door, but still in sight of the camera. 

“Finnick’s been looking everywhere for you.” Coin tells you calmly, “We just broke the news to him.”

“And?” you ask.

“He’s disappointed that he went through all that trouble to throw a party for you.”

So that’s what he was doing earlier. Throwing you a party, and for what? God, you can’t imagine the headache you would have had through the whole thing. Fake a smile, pretend to like it. The only parties you do like are the types that go on inside of the Capitol.

It’s all lavish there. The foods are delicious, the sweets and the sour foods. The drinks they have that you swear are going to make you dehydrated, but you drink anyway. The people there are always so friendly, even when they aren’t. They’re so stupid and naive that it makes it enjoyable to be around them.

Not to mention they worshipped you.

“Am I supposed to care?” you ask, crossing your arms, “Can’t be a very good party with your district. The entire thing is probably being attended by a total of ten people, and the food and drinks are twenty years old. I’m not missing out on anything, trust me.”

Coin bites her tongue, smiling, “Maybe it’s best that you’re back in District Two, then.”

“I’m done talking to you.” you give her a mock smile, turning to Lyme and Paylor, “I’m going to solve this whole loyalist problem for you in a second. Do you want to send a camera crew with me just in case it works?”

Lyme’s confused, “No offense, but what makes you think it’ll work? Especially with your mouth?”

“Cause I know you guys have been approaching it all wrong, and rather than having a second person fuck it up for you ingrates, I’ll do it myself. I may be selfish but I’m also open minded and have a way of words when I’m not being a complete bitch.” you look at Coin, “And if it does work, you don’t get to say you planned it at all. I’m not Katniss, and I won’t be easily manipulated.

“On top of that, you’ll also owe me a shiny, brand new apartment in the heart of the Capitol. Otherwise you can take that propaganda footage and shove it up that ass of yours.” you point to Lyme and Paylor, “Camera crew, now.”

You leave the room after that, and Paylor approves the camera crew, asking one of the people in the room with them to go ahead and gather the people. In the meantime, you take a look at yourself in the nearest bathroom. Your makeup and hair are still how you left it, and the dress isn’t that dirty either. 

When you get outside, there’s people already waiting to take you to the tunnels. And for their protection, they’re bringing volunteers with them. As for you, you’ll be out in the open just as you asked for.

“I live in luxury.” you tell yourself, raising your head a bit, “I belong in the Capitol. I am a loyalist. These rebels have no idea what they’re doing.”

You take the train tracks straight to the tunnel. The mountain has long since collapsed, which drew out most of the loyalists. And with Katniss’ speech after, a few surrendered. But there’s still plenty of people inside of there.

“I don’t know if we can follow you inside.” one of the girls tells you nervously, “It’s dark and unhealthy in there. If they begin firing, we’ll be the first to be brought down.”

“No, I will.” you say, “They’ll likely let you all live. If those cameras zoom well, keep as much of a distance as you can spare.”

The girl nods, “We trust you.”

You press your lips together, because it’s a first, “If I reach for my dress and turn my body like I’m going to run, you should take off immediately. I don’t plan on running, but I will if it gets too risky.”

“We’ll keep an eye out, I promise.”

Inside the tunnel, it’s even dirtier than you expected. Nonetheless, you all push through. The camera crew and the couple of armed people have masks over their face, but you work right through the dirt and smoke filled air. Even if you put a mask on now, you’ll have to take it off to talk anyway. There would be no point to it, you’re going to breathe in the air whether you like it or not.

“Stop!” A voice shouts, and you all come to a halt.

“Stay here.” you tell the crew.

Lights turn on, you cover your eyes for a moment as you blink through, trying to get adjusted to them. When you lower your hand, you can see that there’s several people ready to shoot you, and what looks like hundreds of people ready to back them up. The lights are coming from the train right in front of you.

“My name is (Y/n) Rosecelli, I’m here to speak to whoever is in charge, face to face.” you move forward, but stop a little bit after that, not wanting to push your limits.

Someone appears on the top of the train, an automatic rifle in his hands, “You shouldn’t be in here.”

You drop the dress down now, “No, I shouldn’t. This place is unfathomably filthy, and I can’t imagine how hard it is to breathe the air in here. What’s your name?”

“Jovian.”

“You know why I’m here, right?” you ask, crossing your arms, your eyes wandering over all the people waiting to see what happens.

“It’s pretty obvious, which is why I should let you know it’s not going to work, and you should leave while you can.” he tells you, “Or I’ll just make an example of you, just like how we did with Katniss.”

“Except Katniss is still alive in District Thirteen, you didn’t actually kill her.” you tell him, “Healthy as a horse, she was up on her feet the same day, ready to come right back here and give you guys a second chance.”

They won’t know you’re lying.

“We should’ve gone for her head.”

You ignore that, “There’s a big difference between Katniss and I, though. Katniss grew up in the poorest part of twelve, and I grew up in what was arguable once the richest parts of District Two. And then I won the games and got more money than I knew what to do with, and she didn’t have any time to get to realize her luxury.

“Because of this, she’ll never understand what you’ll have to sacrifice if you do take part in the fight. You’re putting everything up for a gamble. Your house, your clothes, furniture, a family. And you’d have to do it without knowing the outcome of a rebellion.”

Jovian nods slowly, “You get it.”

“Of course I do, I was once a Capitol pet too, and then Snow ended up killing my family, and then my friends on top of that.” you motion with your hand, “And I saw the type of people that we were supporting all this time. They’re nothing worth supporting, Jovian. I can promise you that.”

Jovian shakes his head, “What if you lose, huh? The district is already in deep shit because half of us are rebels, what if there’s a chance that the people who don’t fight with you, get rewarded?”

You snort, “You think he’s writing down names? You think he gives a shit if some of you were helping, and the others weren’t? All he’s going to see is that District Two had tried to help the rebels, and suddenly we’re all fucked. So why not give in? You know what will happen if there are no more hunger games, no more districts, no more districts versus the Capitol bullshit?

“You’d be able to live wherever you want--the Capitol, here, any of the other districts, places that were off limits, maybe even in some of the arenas that had gone untouched. You would work if you want to, and have a million kids without worrying about teaching them how to fight.

“There would be no more worries, Jovian. You’d still get to live the same, but it would be that much more freedom. And even if you wouldn’t want to live in any of those other places, you’d be able to visit them whenever you want. Take a vacation to the Capitol and come home to a sturdy house. And for anyone who hasn't found their soulmate because they exist in a different district, you’d have a greater chance of finding them.”

The silence that fills the tunnel is surprisingly calm, it isn’t as tense as you thought it would be. Jovian is obviously thinking all of this through.

“But we can’t win this without District Two. If we get those warehouses pumping out weapons, we’ll win this, guaranteed. It’ll be difficult, as all wars are, but we’ll win for once. We’ll get the justice we deserve, Snow will pay for all the shit he’s done.” you insist, “If you guys come with me now, there’s no hard feelings.

“There’s food, water, clothes, medicine. All you’d have to do is come with us now, and we’ll get you cleaned up, one at a time.”

Jovian looks down at you, “And you can promise us this?”

You look behind you, straight at one of the guards, “Get Paylor to confirm this.”

It takes a moment, but when her voice comes over the tunnel, echoing, saying all of what you said is true, you can’t help but to give a hopeful look to Jovian.

He takes in a deep breath, “Okay.”

“That’s just you, though.” you look to all the others, past the lights, “How about you guys? Are you willing to fight?”

“Will you be fighting with us?” someone yells to you.

This question you weren’t expecting, but you find yourself nodding before you can catch it, “Every step of the way.”

“Then sign me up.” A girl starts coming forward, behind her trails a couple of kids, they come in a line, all holding hands. She walks right past you guys.

It takes a moment before others start breaking off in groups. Jovian gives you a look, “These are my people.”

“They’re our people now.” You correct him, “And they’re going to be safe. Pack the hurt into the train and get this baby moving out here.”

You turn around, heading towards the camera, “Is it still running?”

“Yes.”

You look straight into the camera lense, “Twenty-three kids have died every year for the past seventy-four years. That’s one thousand, seven hundred and one kids that have died in the hunger games. Nearly two thousand of your kids have gone into an arena, scared and alone. 

“They wouldn’t know where their next meal would come from, they didn’t know if they would get sponsors or if they were worthy of them. They likely shivered and starved and were dehydrated down to their very last days. And while it was happening, all they could picture was their blue face in the night sky, signaling another fallen tribute.

“And you’re telling me, that now there’s a rebellion happening--one that will stop a cycle of heartless and meaningless murder--you’re not going to help? You’ll finally be able to have kids, and not worry about training them the moment that they’re born. No more staying up all night worrying that it’ll be your kid picked during the reaping.

“But we can’t get there if you don’t help.” You then lean a forward, “And Coriolanus, if you’re watching, I’d like to let you know that I found the scar you left on my face. You can mark me all you fucking want, but I haven’t done your bidding since I was sixteen. How’s this for calming down District Two?”

You stand up again, “For those of you who don’t know, my name is (Y/n) Rosecelli, I won the sixty-sixth hunger games when I was sixteen. I’m from District Two, and I have to admit that I have lived in luxury since the day I was born, and coming to terms with a rebellion that has ruined my whole lifestyle, isn’t easy.

“However, if I can see past all my greediness to realize that it’s unfair that I can live in luxury and others live in dirt, then you can too. There will be no more inequality, everyone will be able to live in a stable environment, and if you don’t want that, then you’re just as ill as Snow is.”

You turn to leave after that, hiking up the dress in the front so you don’t end up stepping on it and make a fool out of yourself in the process. It’s a couple of moments before the others are scrambling to follow.

“Are you really going to fight with us?” The girl asks.

“I said I would, didn’t I?”

She’s quiet for a moment, “You just don’t look like you’d been into that type of thing.”

You look at her, “Don’t be fooled by the dress and makeup. I’m a lot more than a pretty face.”

“We’ll have to get you fitted for clothing, then. You can’t march to the Capitol in a dress.”

You end the conversation, not saying anything else to her. What she said is obvious, you know that you’ll have to be dressed properly. Hell, you know what’s happening in the Capitol at the moment.

Nothing slips past you. You hear everything when it comes to secrets. You knew Johanna had been waterboarded because she failed some sort of swimming test, nearly took down a couple of people during her panic. And you knew that her and Blight were a little more than friends too.

Just like how you know that the Capitol is turning into a whole trap. Snow is planting these pods—as Beetee called them—that are near impossible to keep track of. Snow is pulling in the Capitol citizens closer, allowing him to plant more pods. Hundreds of them, every single day.

Which means that if you go out there with the other volunteers, there’s a good chance of a million things happening to you. You can’t even think of what the gamemakers would put into the streets of the Capitol. All you know is that it can’t be good. 

They might as well throw in every single project that they’ve ever created since they won’t be able to use it against you all in the future. And in that case, you might not want to be in the streets of the Capitol after all.

Right when you leave the train station, there’s a giant dumpster waiting for the people leaving the tunnel. They’re forced to give up their weapons so that they can pass into the team of medics that are waiting. As you get closer, you’re able to see that there’s no struggle. Most give up their weapons without a fight, but some are a little hesitant to do so.

You and the camera crew pass by it easily, none of you are holding a significant weapon, and if you are, you’re all rebels anyway. They’re not worried about you guys turning on them, it’s more like the newly rebels that are just coming out of the tunnel.

Past all the disarming, is the group of medics that wait for everyone who makes it past the tunnel. It takes a bit for you and the camera crew to get through the dense crowd that only gets bigger. Just before you break the last line of people, you can hear the train’s horn, warning everyone that it’s coming.

Then, you get through.

Waiting on the other side of the crowd is Lyme, with a particularly impressed look on her face. 

“Maybe we should have sent you in, initially.” Lyme says, “You did it effortlessly.”

“If any of you had bothered to tell me before sending Katniss in, I would have told you it was a bad idea.” You take a look behind you, “And by the way, this is a perfect example of what you should do when it comes to the Capitol citizens.”

“Want to be put in charge of that?” Lyme offers.

Your head whips towards her, “I will not play devil's advocate for them. That’s your fucking problem to sort.”

“It was just an offer.” Lyme says, but you’re already leaving towards the justice building again. Lyme’s quite taller than you, so it takes basically no effort when it comes to catching up with you, “While you were gone, Coin had someone flown in.”

You can’t help but let out a snort, “Oh, whoever should that be?”

After what you said to Coin, it’s no surprise to you. She would pull some bullshit like this to make you angry. It’s just her little form of payback.

“He’s waiting at your house.”

You look at her, “You had him escorted to my house?”

“He wouldn’t shut up about it. Gave him basic instructions to get to victor’s village, and then told him yours is the only one that hasn’t been touched.”

“Speaking of which, why is that?” you fix a curl that’s fallen into your face.

“Honestly, no clue.” Lyme says, “Good luck with Finnick.”

“Right.”

Lyme and the camera crew break off when you reach the justice building. From there, one single person brings you as far as they’re allowed to go into the town part of District Two, and then they head back to where they had been standing before you stumbled along.

You’re nearly home when your feet start to ache from the heels. And if it weren’t for the fact that the dirt is mixed in with glass, you might have taken the heels right off and walked barefoot the rest of the way. Before the rebellion, you definitely would have done that. Regardless of how people would feel about it.

Victor’s village still looks shitty, there’s not much to expect from it in the first place. It’s not like it’s going to have changed in the past hour or two. Although, you thought that you might find Finnick poking around in the abandoned, charcoal black houses.

Through the first arch and into the second reveals your perfect house. The door is shut--so it looks like Finnick knows his manners--and you don’t waste time going inside.

Swinging the door open, you make a point to slam it shut when you get inside. You don’t even move from the doorway before you’re tearing the heels off your feet, massaging them one at a time. Then, you head upstairs to your room.

If Finnick wants to speak, Finnick can come and find you. He invited himself to District Two, he was able to find your house, he’ll be able to find you.

Or rather, the other way around.

Finnick’s lounging on your bed when you walk in. In his hand he holds a book with your face on it. You can’t help but roll your eyes--that book was forced on you by Snow. He thought it was a good idea to draw in more attraction to you. And unfortunately it worked, and after that, you spent a couple more weeks than you were meant to, inside of the Capitol.

Of course, it ran short when everyone heard about your sour attitude, no matter what time of the day it was. People revoked their… reservations, and you were forced to go home.

“Welcome.” you say bitterly, opening the wardrobe doors and tossing your shoes inside, then you unzip the dress from the back with little to no problem.

“So the friendliness didn’t last long.” Finnick sounds amused, but when you turn to look over your shoulder, you can see that it’s not how he’s feeling. There’s a hint of a scowl on his face, maybe some touch of annoyance.

“Thank god.” you hang the dress up, then you close the wardrobe door and move onto the bathroom.

You tear off everything that you wouldn’t normally wear. The bracelets, earrings, rings. The only thing you leave is the necklace Tanith gave you, otherwise it’s all gone. And as soon as you get into the bathroom, it’s tossed into the jewelry drawer, which is absolute hellfire to sift through. 

Finnick follows you to the bathroom, and watches as you remove the makeup, unphased by the fact that you’re half naked again, “Did you actually mean any of it?”

You pause for a moment, “Mean what? What I said to Johanna? Every word, she fucking asked for it. Antagonizing me and all that, she should have seen it coming.”

“The apology.” Finnick clarifies.

“I meant that, yes.” there’s no hesitation.

“That’s all I wanted to know.” he turns and leaves the bathroom.

“So now what?” you call, “You’re going back to District Thirteen?”

Finnick laughs, “Dream on.”

You roll your eyes, “It was worth a shot.”

“Your house smells like shit, by the way.”

“It’s the kitchen, feel free to clean it out if it bothers you that much. I just figured that this house would be blown to bits the second Snow gets a chance because of what I said.”

“Speaking of which.” Finnick comes back, he’s got some clothes for you hanging over his arm, “The front lines?”

You scowl at him a little bit, “Did anyone ever tell you it’s rude to go through someone’s clothes? And yes, the front lines.”

Regardless, you pull on the shorts and shirt after tossing the makeup wipes away. You unpin your hair, letting it all fall into place unnaturally, which causes you to just pull it right back up into a ponytail anyway to keep it out of your face.

“I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.”

You side-eye him, “Let me guess, you’re coming along?”

Finnick smiles, “You know me better than I thought.”

“No, you just have a thing for following me around, so I figured. Just like how Lyme didn’t even have to say your name, and I knew you came.” you grin a little, “How was the party, by the way?”

“Surprisingly boring without you there.”

“You’re saying that I’m entertainment?” you ask.

“The best.” Finnick smiles.

[kteabug]

just out of reach - m.list

Summary: Iwaizumi and Oikawa were always within arms reach of the other, but what happens when misunderstandings and unspoken emotions drive them apart? What happens when everything they thought they knew about the other ceases to be true and they are left to pick the pieces of their friendship up…alone?

Pairings: Alpha!Iwaizumi x Omega!Oikawa

Warnings: Angst, Slow-burn, Friends to strangers, Strangers to friends, Occasional smut, Mentions of depression, manipulation, gaslighting, anxiety, toxic behaviors.

Rating: 18+                     Tag list: Open (send an ask to be added)

Word Count: 65,660 (as of latest chapter)

Updates: Irregular            Last Updated: May 22, 2022

JOOR Headcanons

JOOR Playlist

JOOR - OC profile 1

JOOR - OC profile 2

JOOR - OC profile 3

JOOR - OC profile 4

Prologue: latibule

Chapter One: habromania

Chapter Two: eccedentesiast

Chapter Three: induratize

Chapter Four: eshajōri

Chapter Five: whelve

Chapter Six: waldosia

Bonus Chapter One: nepenthe

Bonus Chapter Two: acquiesce

Chapter Seven: setsunai

Chapter Eight: anaziphilla

Chapter Eight.Five: lacuna

Chapter Nine: rubatosis

Chapter Ten: retrouvailles

Chapter Eleven: sillage

Chapter Twelve: resfeber

Chapter Thirteen: kairos

Chapter Fourteen: selcouth

Chapter Fifteen: metanoia

Chapter Sixteen: petrichor

Chapter Seventeen: natsukashii

Chapter Eighteen: ephialtes

Chapter Nineteen: sciamachy

Chapter Twenty: saudade

Epilogue: ikigai

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[swallowthewhale]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Flash (TV 2014) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow Characters: Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow Series: Part 34 of Killervibe Week Summary:

Reunited after fifteen years, former best friends Caitlin and Cisco feel the old sparks but struggle to adapt to each other's worlds.

Killervibe Month 2021: Gift Exchange Week

A gift for @isaacmcadoo

[yahboobeh]

Metanoia Chapter 4

@weaponsmistress​ and I are back with another chapter!

Neji closed his father’s journal. It was hand bound with thick sheets of yellowed paper and filled with mundane details of Hizashi’s life. 

He loved it. 

Neji had read it a dozen times already. The first time was the hardest. It had been nearly impossible to read anything through the blur of unexpected tears. 

It was so mundane and routine and normal. Hyuuga Hizashi’s diary was nothing more than a basic account of the day’s events. There was nothing scandalous, not even anything that hinted at tantalizing. No drama, no betrayal, no revenge. Just a hard-working man who’d entered into an arranged marriage that produced one child. 

That wasn’t to say it was devoid of emotion. 

Neji read about the frustrations and uncertainties of being matched, of a duty that slowly grew into affection, and of the happiness that came with childbirth that could only be cut down by the death of the mother. 

Neji read about his own childhood. His first words (dad and bird) and first steps. He read about his quiet and mild manors that sometimes gave way to mischief. 

He got so caught up in every detail of his father’s life that it wasn’t until his fifth pass that Neji realized that there were no words of animosity, no anger towards Hiashi… nothing. 

As a child, Neji remembered his father’s quiet seething towards his own brother. He remembered the strip of cloth he kept over his forehead that he never spoke about. 

He read it again and again, reading between the lines, trying to find the answers he so desperately wanted. Each time he came up empty. And even though Neji knew this journal did not have what he was looking for, he still reread it over and over and found comfort in his Father’s short, precise notes. 

A knock ripped Neji from the journal. His heart raced and he snapped the book shut, tucking it in between the folds of his tunic.

“Come in,” he called, standing up from his desk.

Hoheto opened the door and offered a curt bow. Behind him stood the tall and imposing figure of his uncle. Neji bowed and greeted them both.

The two entered the room. Hoheto closed the door. Hiashi looked around the room, wandering around slowly as if seeing it for the first time.

“Nephew, I continue to be impressed by your attention to your new duty.”

“Thank you, uncle.”

Neji watched Hiashi pull a book off his bookcase and studied the spine before sliding it back in place.

“How do you like it?”

Neji tried to calm himself as Hiashi took out another book. He felt the journal pressed against his chest, his heart thumping against the cover. 

“I admit, uncle, I did not care for it at first, but I have found interest in learning more about the territory.” 

“And it’s people?”

Neji hesitated briefly. Hiashi had a keen eye and could easily spot lies.

“And it’s people,” he agreed.

Hiashi was at his desk now, peeking under a notebook and leafing through a stack of loose papers.

“And you get along well with them?”

“As well as someone in my position can, I expect.”

Hiashi stopped and met Neji’s gaze.

“Good. Hoheto and I have been discussing your duties and we believe you are ready to stretch your wings a bit farther.” 

Neji raised a brow, glancing over to his instructor, who gave an encouraging nod. 

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that in addition to checking in on the villagers that taxes are also collected.”

Neji hadn’t noticed, actually, Hoheto was apparently very discrete about this part of their monthly inspections. Nevertheless, he nodded. 

“Taxes are increasing. This tends to upset the villagers, as such, we need to increase our presence in town. Therefore, Hoheto and I have decided you are capable of conducting your rounds without assistance so that we may be seen more.” 

“You will take over our current roster,” added Hoheto, “while I will take up additional rounds. Added visits will be necessary to quell any unexpected activities before they begin.”

“You will conduct your rounds once a week,” said Hiashi, “if your families are compliant and amiable you can reduce to twice a month and eventually back to once a month as you do now. Should you have any difficulties collecting taxes let the treasury know when you make your deposits to ensure their collection.” 

Neji nodded, understanding. 

“Oh!” Hoheto exclaimed, as if he’d just remembered something. He flipped open his notebook and rifled through loose papers before thrusting one out to Neji. “Here is an updated roster with the new tax information.” 

“Thank you.” Neji accepted the sheet and opened a drawer on his desk. He did not miss Hiashi’s quick glance into the drawer as Neji added the ledger. 

“Is there something else I might assist you with, uncle?” 

“No,” Hiashi said, eyes lingering on the drawer. “Check in on your cousins later. Hinata has requested your presence for tea.” 

Neji nodded. 

“Of course.” 

—

Tenten set the tray down on the table a little harder than she had anticipated. 

She’d heard whisperings of an increase in inspections but she took no notice of it until Neji showed up on her doorstep that afternoon. 

She looked up from the tray of tea and sweets and crossed her arms. 

“Weren’t you just here?” 

Neji looked up from his notebook. 

“I find your presence so hospitable that I could not stay away,” he replied, dryly. 

Tenten glared at him before reluctantly pouring him a cup of tea. 

“Where is your father?” 

“In town with Lee.” 

Tenten poured herself a cup before delivering his across the room. 

She sat in a nearby chair and set her cup down on the side table. 

“Will they be back soon?” 

“I hope so. I’ll likely go insane if I have to sit around with you all day.” 

Neji frowned and took a drink from his cup. 

“Perhaps you should be better prepared next time.”

“How could we be? You sat in that very chair last week.”

“I hear the way your neighbors gossip in the market. My increased presence cannot come as a surprise.”

Tenten seethed. Just a month ago she had come to the sickening realization that she enjoyed his company. Perhaps she had mistaken Neji’s pleasantness for Hoheto’s. 

“You talk about gossip, but your partner would never have done something this scandalous.” 

Neji’s pretty lavender eyes flashed up at her. She’d caught him off guard. 

“And what, may I ask, is so scandalous about conducting my rounds?” 

Tenten crossed her legs, taking time to smooth the wrinkles out of her skirt, reminding him exactly who and what she was. 

“Calling on a young woman while she is home alone? With no supervision?” 

She watched his face redden briefly with mortification before he reigned in his emotional response. When he looked at her again, his composure was cool and distanced. 

“Young woman?” he scoffed, “How old are you again?” 

Tenten straightened up a little, feeling her temper warm. 

“Older than you if I recall.” 

“I wouldn’t consider a few months substantial enough to boast about your seniority. Fifteen is fifteen.” 

“Do you really need my father here to ensure we’re being loyal to your family?”

“There are some matters that can only be discussed with him.” 

“Then come back when he is here.” 

“Won’t that look even more scandalous? If I were to make a short visit while only his daughter was home, only to return later for the official inspection?” 

Tenten felt her face warm. She took a long drink of her tea, hiding his face behind her cup until she regained her composure. 

“I suspect my reputation matters less than yours.” 

“Perhaps, but you and your father have much more to lose for my questionable judgment.” 

“You’re an ass.” 

“So I’ve been told, by you, on more than one occasion.” 

Neji smirked. Her insult rolled off him like water on a duck’s back. Tenten hated it. 

“Why are visits being increased?” 

Neji prefaced his response with a slow drink of tea. 

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that with you.” 

“I’m going to find out next time I go to town anyway. Why not just tell me now?”

“Because I said so.” 

Tenten rolled her eyes. 

“What a well-thought-out and eloquent comeback.” 

Neji glared. 

“I haven’t forgotten that I can write you up, you know.” 

Tenten felt a small jolt of adrenaline. She couldn’t say why, but she liked riling him up. 

“Maybe, but you won’t.” 

If Neji had anything else to say, he was unable to. Lee ran into the room, bursting with energy. 

“In here! Neji is here! I told you I heard Tenten talking to someone!” 

They both stood up as Gai entered the room. His expression was stern with critical eyes searching both of their faces for any hint of inappropriate behavior. 

His face softened and he smiled, apparently finding nothing concerning. 

“Neji! What brings you here?” 

Neji gave a brief bow. 

“Forgive me for my untimely visit.” 

Tenten bit her lip, holding back from pointing out that his visits were always untimely. 

“You are always welcome in our home!” Gai threw his arms out in a gesture that Lee would have taken as an offer to embrace. 

Neji, unsurprisingly, did not leap into Gai’s arms and declare his affection for the Maito family. He remained still, standing tall with his shoulders back and jaw clenched. 

“I appreciate your hospitality, however, I’m afraid this is not a social call.” 

Gai frowned a little. 

“I had heard the rumors, but to be honest, I’d hoped they were untrue.” 

Neji shrugged with a nonchalance that irritated Tenten. It was as if barging into their lives was little more than a mild inconvenience to him. 

“Shall we speak in private?” Neji asked Gai.

“Wait,” Tenten interrupted. “Why the sudden secrecy?” 

“Tenten, Lee,” said Gai, ignoring her question, “leave us.”

Tenten grumbled and set down her cup on the table. Together with Lee they headed out of the sitting room.

“And Tenten,” she heard Gai call out behind her, “no eavesdropping.” 

AO3 | FFN | Instagram

[ao3feedciscoxcaitlin]

metanoia swallowthewhale

by swallowthewhale

Reunited after fifteen years, former best friends Caitlin and Cisco feel the old sparks but struggle to adapt to each other's worlds.

Killervibe Month 2021: Gift Exchange Week

Words: 2995, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 34 of Killervibe Week

Fandoms: The Flash (TV 2014)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/M

Characters: Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow

Relationships: Cisco Ramon/Caitlin Snow

https://ift.tt/38bn1tk

[livvywrites]

Innocence Lost [1/3]

https://www.fictionpress.com/s/3311489/1/Innocence-Lost

For two weeks, everything was perfect. And then the world shattered--taking Alinora’s heart with it. 

This is the first of two short stories detailing the backstory of my main character, Alinora Mynerva.

Preview below:

METANOIA: INNOCENCE LOST

Livvy Moore

The first casualty of war is innocence --S.L. Buckley

Chapter One

I cannot believe that I am writing this. My greatest shame. My worst memory. My darkest nightmare. Committed to paper for anyone to read. Years ago, it would have been unthinkable to me. Even now it makes me tremble with a deep seated dread; my stomach turns with nausea. And yet--

I must commit it to page. I must. The memories are tearing me apart. I cannot profess to lead if I am crumbling from the inside out. I cannotâ--will not--speak of those moments. But I will write them--I will write them to be worthy of the position I was given; of the legacy my sister left.

I cannot--I will not--fail.

It began towards the end of autumn. Winter had begun to knock on the surrounding area's doorstep. The leaves had changed and fallen, coating the ground in a thick carpet of color. But not in Mynera--nay, then, I could barely fathom the thought of the reds and oranges and yellows in the trees.

The land of the everspring, they called us.

I was packing for a hunting trip--the last hunting trip I would be able to take alone with my fiancee for some time. Other hunters would be coming in--and I would be expected to help guide them. I didn't mind it. The looks on their faces when a young elf yet to finish growing felled one of the wild things that lurked in our forests was rather entertaining. However, as much as I enjoyed those outings, they could not compare to time spent alone with my beloved. A two week venture had been planned.

Though I was excited, I handled it in my typical fashion...

Alinora ached. The stone floor dug into her knees, sending pulses of pain up her legs. Her back was twisted over her back; her neck craned to see her checklist. She bore the discomfort without complaint, however.

She had to make sure she had everything. A fortnight was a long time to go without all of the necessary items--like rope, bedrolls, a tent, extra canteens, dried rations, flint and tinder--and Alinora did not plan on turning back. She had waited weeks for this trip; she would be damned if it was canceled because she forgot something.

"Ali, are you checking your bag again?" Her fiancee's voice broke her rigid concentration, and Alinora looked over her shoulder, wincing a bit as she did. Liera stood in the doorway.

Black hair plaited to the left; bright blue iris pinned behind her right ear. She wore a dark blue knee-length dress that fell to her knees; slits cut to mid-thigh to make riding easier, and exposing soft black leggings. Boots climbed her calves; the hilt of a hunting knife poking over the edge.

She had her arms crossed over her chest; hip braced against the door.

"It won't kill you to wait a little longer, Li," Alinora said, even as she climbed to her feet and tucked her list into her pocket.

Liera frowned. "Maybe not, but if we don't leave soon, we're going to be late--and you know Chloe is going to be insufferable about it. Especially since she and Redd have probably been at the pass for a good fifteen minutes already!"

"Li, it's fine. We have plenty of time."

Liera dropped her arms to her sides and pushed away from the door frame. She walked over. "You're right," she admitted. "We do have time. More than enough, really. But... Ali... how many times have you gone over that damn list?"

Alinora grimaced. So that was what this was about--not Liera's infamous impatience; but concern that Alinora was working herself into another panic. "I'm fine." There was no need for pretense here. She took Liera's hands. "I'm not obsessing again, I promise."

"That's not an answer, Alinora." Liera squeezed her hands. "How many times have you checked your bag?"

"I... don't remember." Was that the flower she'd given Liera at the beginning of summer, tucked behind her ear? It sure looked like it.

"Liar." Liera didn't sound impressed.

Alinora cut her gaze back to her girlfriend. Didn't look impressed either. Her grimace deepened. "Alright, alright. Maybe... twelve times?"

Liera sighed. She stepped further into Alinora's space--a space only Liera was allowed to broach. "Love, there's no way you've forgotten anything." She pressed their forehead's together. "Once you've checked three times, you really don't need to check anymore. I promise."

Alinora let Liera's hands go and wrapped her arms around Liera's waist instead. "I know... I just..."

"Want everything to go perfectly?" Liera laughed quietly; the smile on her face heartbreakingly fond. "It will. Not because you remembered every item on your list, but because for the first time in two months, you and I will be alone, without anyone breathing down our necks."

Alinora bit her lip. Scythes and shields, that sounded perfect. But what if...

"I know this quest for perfection runs in your family, but... you can mess up, and forget something, and it'll still be okay."

Liera raised a hand and cupped her cheek; thumb stroking her cheekbone. Alinora leaned into the touch, and released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Her eyes fluttered shut, and for a moment, the two of them just stood there; breathing in sync. Existing.

Alinora opened her eyes.

Liera smiled. "Better?"

Alinora nodded once.

"Good!" She pressed a soft, chaste kiss against Alinora's mouth, and stepped back. "Now, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get going. It's been too long since you and I had any alone time." And she winked, suggestively.

"Liera!" Alinora hissed.

Sure, most of the castle was well aware that these "hunting trips" involved a little more than just hunting, but that didn't mean they had to go around announcing it. It wouldn't be proper.

Liera laughed. "Darling, without the wink, even if someone inferred what I was suggesting, it wasn't nearly obvious enough to get us in trouble." She bopped Alinora's nose. "Get your pack and let's go."

Alinora rolled her eyes; but a grin tugged on the edges of her mouth. She hoisted her pack up and over her shoulders, doing one last casual survey of her room to make sure she hadn't left anything lying out. Satisfied, she turned.

"Lead the way," she said.

Liera grinned. "Enjoy the view, dear." She turned and walked out, hips swaying playfully.

Alinora's grin widened, and she followed behind--obeying instructions without complaint... for once.

[ilguna]

Metanoia Masterlist (f.o)

summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

—

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten 1/2

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Epilogue

— Short Stories

Prevaricate

Malefic

— Aesthetics

Tanith Nuova

(Y/n) Rosecelli

[ilguna]

Metanoia - Chapter Fourteen (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 5k

Warnings; swearing, mention of murder and torture

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

If the career districts had their hands on books like these, you would have been forced to read them. Mercilessly. Like, a whole couple of units just studying these useless things. They’re mostly published for the Capitol citizens--which is why they’re not supplied in districts--but imagine having everything you could possibly need to know, in a couple of books.

These handbooks are genius. Even if they’re meant for entertainment and not practical use, they’re fucking fantastic.

Every nine years, one of these books comes out. Inside, they have every tribute that had gone in for those nine years--which comes out to be two hundred and sixteen tributes in total. They have the names, ages, weights, heights, eye and hair colors. Who their mentor, stylist, prep team and district representative was, and so much more.

For example, for the year you won, they start with the tributes and their information. 

District One, Deimos Chambers. Black hair, brown eyes. He was seventeen, six-foot-one, with a weight of one hundred and seventy five. His mentor was Gloss, and as for the rest, it seems a little unimportant to you. However, his go-to weapon during training was always a sword, and he seemed to be very skilled in hand-to-hand combat.

Which all career tributes are skilled in, but whatever. You’re all taught to be proficient in something, and it’s mainly hand-to-hand. You’ll hardly see a career tribute try and do shit from far away. You know you wouldn’t bother all that much. From far away, you risk the chances of missing, up close, you can kill them in one goddamn shot.

Deimos’ score was a whopping ten, which is basically what all the comprehensive people had gotten. In his interview he wore all black, and when the lights had been shut off momentarily, the glow in the dark constellations came to life. And it wasn’t that bullshit green color either. It was white, and looked like there were actual lightbulbs behind it all, but the stylist was just creative.

It lists the people he chose to be allies with: Alhena, Zeke, and yourself. How many he killed during the bloodbath, which was one. But in total from start to finish it was three to four, counting assist kills. It says how he died, how many days he survived for, and what he placed.

Next is Alhena Hurley. Brown hair, blue eyes. She was sixteen, five-foot-seven, weighing in at one hundred and thirty five. Her mentor was Cashmere, respectively. Her chosen weapon inside of the training center was a mace, and her special note was that she was strong.

“Not emotionally.” you mutter, snickering to yourself as you continue reading.

Alhena got a score of nine, her interview dress was silver, with black specks on it--which is more or less the opposite of what Deimos had. She killed two people in the bloodbath, and that would stay her number for the rest of the games. She died because she got killed on the third day by someone who was hiding in the trees.

On the District One page, it holds both Deimos and Alhena. Pictures of what they wore during the reaping, train station, parade, interview and inside of the arena. Along with their special picture that would indicate that they were dead. The next page holds their family and friend interviews--if they had any--with the questions that Caesar asked and the answers given by their loved ones.

Then, there’s District Two, starting off strong with Zeke. Blonde hair, brown eyes. Seventeen, six foot on the dot, weighing roughly one hundred and sixty pounds. You guys had the same mentor, so it was Enobaria. He was boring and chose a sword, and his special skill was that he was always moving. More or less, he was quick.

Training score of ten, his suit was a bronze color, while the dress shirt was actually black. It was sorta metallic in the light. Zeke managed to kill one person in the bloodbath, and came out to two to three at the end. And he obviously placed second, because you were the one that killed him so that you could win.

And then there’s yourself. (Y/n) Rosecelli, sixteen. You had fairly short hair when you went inside of the arena--just so that it wouldn’t be grabbed and used against you. You were pretty tall, around the recommended weight group--although, that didn’t really matter in the end--and your mentor was Enobaria. Your chosen weapon inside of the training center was the sai’s and your special talent was being a know-it-all.

You scored a ten, got the same metallic bronze color of a dress with the matching black. Inside of the arena you had killed eight people, placing number one. At the very top of the page it says ‘WINNER!’, like it’s some fucked up game and not a fight for your survival.

It had the pictures and interviews as the others did, but with yours it’s extra special. You get the second interview by Caesar and what outfit you had worn for it. A small section for all the highlights inside of the arena, and then the victory tour, with the celebration at the mansion. All the headlines that you had gotten for being inside of the Capitol ‘willingly’. 

And there’s also close-up pictures of all the tattoos you had gotten while you were there too.

It makes you sick knowing that they had produced these for entertainment, when it really could have been for the betterment of future tributes. Apart from all the useless shit they had for profiling the tributes, they literally had their battle plans.

Like for Finnick, it says that he used a fishing net while he and the opponent were in water. He’d get them tangled, and then when he was sure they couldn’t hurt him, he’d just kill them with his super expensive trident. And all the tributes didn’t know to be afraid of him until it was too late.

Just like with Johanna too. She played stupid for her entire time inside of the Capitol, and a little bit into the games to draw people in. She purposely scored low on her private training session--which is no doubt a big setback sponsor-wise. But then she became a killing machine, and almost a legend of sorts.

It made tributes wary of those who pretended to be stupid like that. Gave away their entire motive, because Johanna had done it first, and she won because of it. Anyone who did pose a threat early on would get killed.

It’s the exact reason why you went after the District Four tributes when you did. Your games were directly after Finnick’s, and the thought of one of those fish-eating fuckers getting their hands on you like that was terrifying. So, the only way to eliminate the chance of that happening, is to get rid of the only people who really know their way around water, and nets, and fishing.

Finnick likely hated that, the fact that you went after them specifically when you had the chance. However, you know deep-down that he appreciated that you wouldn’t let them suffer. You just wanted them dead immediately to get rid of the chance of them still being alive. You wouldn’t move from the bodies until the cannons had gone off.

Honestly, your allies should have killed you when they had the chance. If you were smart enough to stand over tributes to make sure that they were dead before moving on, that should have been a red flag. Even when they had wanted to leave tributes to bleed out and die, you’d be the one to finish them off.

Not to mention, you marking your arm after every broadcast of The Fallen was a whole new level of insane. And it’s not like they didn’t notice it or anything, they just chose not to point it out. They knew what it was for and all, but they didn’t say anything.

Someone clears their throat, making you look up from the handbook. You’re not really surprised to see Finnick standing there, in the same white scrubs that you’re wearing.

“Good afternoon.” you flip the page, landing right onto the District Four tributes from your games, “Or evening, I can’t tell in this coffin anymore.”

“The nurses tell me you haven’t left your room in a couple of days.” he doesn’t move from the doorway.

You give him a glance, “Why would I? Peeing in my own bathroom is just the same as the one down the hall. Both have cold toilet seats and smell like cleaning products.”

Finnick cracks a smile, coming into the room now, “What’re you reading?”

“Hunger games handbooks.” you hold it up for him to see briefly, “This is the year I won, and these are the tributes you mentored.”

Finnick comes over, and you turn the book so he can read it a little.

Brook Giles, fifteen, five-foot-eight, around one hundred and fifty six pounds. He has bleached brown hair and blue eyes. His training score was a nine, he wore a classic light blue and white suit during his interviews. His go-to weapon was a sword inside of the training center and he died on the first day because you killed him.

“One of my first takeouts,” you watch his face, wondering if he’ll get mad if you talk about it so carelessly, “It was almost fun.”

Finnick meets your eyes, “You were scared, just like the rest of them.”

“I killed him because he reminded me of you.” you then turn to the girl, “And so did she.”

Mira Osborne, sixteen, blonde hair and green eyes. Five-foot-five, one hundred and forty pounds. She wore a white dress that barely went to her knees, some blue accents here and there. She scored an eight, her go-to weapon was a spear. One kill, and only a few days later she’d die because you’d find her hiding in a cove.

“I was fifteen when I watched you win, and I knew that the following year I’d likely be picked to volunteer. I realized that I didn’t know how to swim at all, and the thought of ending up in a net, scared and drowning was more terrifying than anything I had come across up until that point of my life.” you smile, looking at Finnick now, “So, I dug a hole in my backyard, filled it with water and taught myself how to swim.”

Finnick stares, as if he doesn’t know if you’re kidding or not.

You aren’t.

“Of course, as extra precaution I chose to go after them first. Anyone who got in the way was an added bonus to my kill streak. I hunted Mira like she was a fucking deer and I was starving.” Finnick’s silence is what you expected for telling him information like this, and you’re not even done yet, “And had you not been my soulmate, you, Mags, Katniss, Peeta and Johanna would have ended up just like her.

“And I wouldn’t have stopped until you were all dead.”

Finnick straightens up, stiff. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but snaps his mouth shut.

Smug, you smirk, “What? Did you suddenly realize that I’m exactly who I told you I was?”

Finnick turns to leave, and you wait patiently as he goes towards the door frame. But then he grabs the chair by it, and takes a seat. Although, just by looking at his body language, he doesn’t want to be here. And he doesn’t want to let you win this either.

You laugh, rolling your eyes as you flip the book open again, “You’re making a grave mistake.”

“Stop telling me that.”

You glance up, “Is it because you know that I’m right and you don’t want to admit it? You know you’re leaving a nice, capable girl that would love to settle down, have kids and grow old with you. For someone who’s an insufferable bitch that hates the life she’s been given, and everything that she’s ever cared for gets killed or leaves her.”

“Is that why you won’t let me at least be friends with you?”

You take in a deep breath, “No, I don’t want you near me at all because you’re you. You’re Finnick Odair, darling of the Capitol. You’re Finnick Odair, the youngest victor in history who was also given the most expensive gift ever sent inside of the arena.” you laugh, “Oh! And you’re Finnick Odair, the man who also exposed Snow for who he is. Which lets you be in the spotlight more times that you’re worthy of.”

“So you think you’re not worthy?”

It’s like a blinding rage for a split second as you hurl the twenty-five pound book straight at Finnick, “I can’t fucking stand you!”

Finnick catches the book just barely before it hits him in the face, “(Y/n)--”

“No.” you cut him off, “No, you don’t get to pretend like you’re the voice of reason here, because you’re not. I’m a fucking nightmare, and even I know when enough is enough.” You get up and off of the bed, grabbing a hold of the necklace Tanith gifted you. As you begin to leave your safe place, you point at him, “I know what the fuck is wrong with you.

“You hopped from what you think is one broken girl to another. But news flash, Finnick, I’ve lost much more people,” you get down to his eye level, “I lost my entire family when I got home to District Two after I won my games. And it wasn’t just my immediate family, it was distant aunts and uncles and cousins and grandparents. Everyone who was even a shred related to me, is now dead. I’m the only one left of my fucking bloodline.”

You stand up now, “Losing Tanith is nothing compared to what I had lost then. I wish I had grown a pair and stepped off the fucking hovercraft to bury her, because doing that wouldn’t have been nearly as much as a hassle compared to dealing with you.”

Finnick doesn’t say anything, and you don’t wait to see if he does either. You go straight out, ignoring the nurses that stare at you, because it really is the first time you’ve left the room in days. Everything is delivered to you, if there’s something you want, they’ll go and get it.

You have a vague idea of where you want to go, just getting there is going to be the problem. Typically, even if you do leave the room, someone will follow you out to keep an eye on you. You remember very vividly, a certain nurse standing at an arm's distance from you, during Coin’s last speech. When she announced the liberation of the prisoned victors.

A joke. This whole place is one fucking circus.

Just as you expected, the floor is pretty vacant. Here and there, someone will wander in and out, but that’s really it. You give a look behind you, confirming that there isn’t a nurse following you just yet. Then, you take off towards the elevator.

You barely remember how that one doctor used it, but it shouldn’t be that hard. You press the button, bringing the lift to you. When it stops and makes the annoying sound, you pull the guard rail up, and then step inside. Pulling it down again, you can see one of the nurses round the corner.

You give her a bright smile, punching the top floor, “Tata.”

The elevator starts moving up, and you give her a wave. Then, she’s blocked out by the cement flooring.

For the rest of the ride up, you cross your arms and wait, staring straight ahead. Your game plan is to head to the woods and don’t stop walking until you’re lost. Hopefully, no one will think to follow you out there.

The elevator stops at the top floor, allowing you to be met face to face with a band of people. They’re pulling up the guard rail before you even have a chance to reach for it.

Katniss is on a stretcher, her sister is hovering over her. Haymitch, Beetee, Gale and Boggs are nearby. Not to mention all the other people behind them.

“Geez.” you move out of the way, allowing Katniss to be wheeled in. Beetee and Gale fit themselves on, but Boggs and Haymitch don’t follow.

There’s not nearly enough room for them all to fit on the elevator, anyway. And apparently it gives Boggs to grab a hold of you before you can escape.

“Where are you going?”

You give him a kind smile, “I was given the okay to clear my head for a little.”

“Why are you still in scrubs, then?”

You make a face, shrugging, “Don’t ask me, they’re the ones that told me I was free to go whenever.”

Boggs doesn’t look convinced, and honestly, neither does Haymitch.

“Fine, I made a breakaway because I can’t fucking stand it in there.” you pull your arm from Bogg’s grasp, “For a district that’s all about equality, I don’t see why it should matter if I come up here to disappear for a little while. Or the fact that I’m being followed around when I do leave my room because you guys think I’m some sort of Capitol bootlicker.”

Haymitch laughs, “Same old (Y/n).”

“That’s rich, coming from you.” you then look at Boggs, “Don’t send anyone to follow me. I’ll come back when I feel like I’m ready to breathe stale air and eat shit for dinner.”

“Had you expressed your distaste for District Thirteen earlier, we might have taken you right back to District Two.” Boggs says.

You raise your eyebrows, “Earlier? When did you go?”

“A couple hours ago.” Haymitch says, “We just got back.”

You laugh, shaking your head, “Great, my only way out of this shithole and I wasn’t even aware of it. It’s funny how you brought the guy in the wheelchair and not the girl who literally grew up there her entire life.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time.” Bogg says, “Enjoy your walk.”

The elevator is back, and they step on. You turn around and leave, heading straight towards the opening. You can already hear the chirps of the birds and you’re nowhere near the door.

You pick up the pace, jogging right past the people that work out here. One of them waves, and you raise your hand in acknowledgement. The smile doesn’t even come across your face until the sun is in your eyes.

You take a sharp left, taking the trail for the most part. When you’re out of the sight of those inside of the building, you slow your pace, taking your time with getting lost. 

You’re not even kidding when you say that it’s literal fresh air. This smells and tastes nothing like what goes underground. It’s stale, and out here it’s sweet. It must have rained a couple days ago or something because the plants have that smell to them--petrichor.

After a while, you detour from the trail, heading into the trees some more. You weren’t kidding when you said that you’d like to get lost. Being out here, wandering for hours on end is going to be more entertaining than reading those depressing handbooks. On top of that, you won’t have to see Finnick’s face for a while.

He really does get on your nerves. Him pretending that he knows every single detail about you, and claiming the opposite of what you tell him is pissing you off. You’re a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. You’d rather be told the heartbreaking truth than have someone lie through their teeth. So, you assume other people like it that way too. It cuts out a lot of unnecessary drama.

Unless it’s another person’s lie, then you’ll play along. If they want to fabricate things for their own gain, then have at it. Who are you to say no to them?

With Finnick, you’ve told him several times, over and over that you can’t stand him. And he acts as if that’s all going to magically change if he forces you to get used to his company or whatever. And you even dumbed it down for him, explained what the deal was. You don’t want him, you don’t need him. You want or need the help.

He doesn’t need to stick around after that wish has been fulfilled. All he’s doing is hurting his own feelings. 

At this point, it might just be the challenge of getting you to like him. Show some kind of friendship just so he can drop it. You wonder if you fake it, he’ll finally leave you alone. You might just have to try that out until he realizes that you’ve had an entire personality flip.

Finnick would probably see that it’s a facade but might go along with it just to see how long you can keep it up for.

It’ll be your own personal game. How long can you be nice on the outside and calm on the inside until Finnick does something completely absurd that it makes you flip your shit? The time starts now.

You take a deep breath, going down the hill carefully, because you can clearly see the river. Off to the left some more are shoeprints and the trail that you had supposedly detached yourself from. It doesn’t really matter anymore, as long as you can sit here and be by yourself, you’re fine.

You get as close to the water as possible, taking off the shoes and rolling up the scrubs. You let your legs sit in the water as you lean back on your hands, staring at the scenery. It truly is a beautiful place here, but you’d never want to stay. Even if District Two is in shambles, you want to go back.

It’s your home. It holds so much grief and terror, and yet you just want to be back in the comforts of your own town. You want to see all your old neighbors before your victory. And see Victor’s Village overflowing with people always, no matter how annoying they were.

They’re all dead now. The only surviving victors from District Two is Lyme, and yourself. Everyone else is dead. Enobaria, Neysa, Tanith, Sorcha, Brutus, Edmond, Zavian and everyone else. Lyme had filled you in, that Snow had them all killed, and anyone else who proved valuable went with him.

Lyme and Paylor are lucky to be alive.

You’d literally give anything to talk to one of them again. To relive Tanith showing up uninvited in your house the morning of the reaping. You would have been so much more gentle than usual if you had known that it would have been the last real conversation without gloom hanging over your heads.

At least you’re lucky to say that your final goodbyes to her and Zavian wasn’t terrible at all. You were able to hug them both and tell them just how much they meant to you. Even if it wasn’t really heartfelt for Zavian, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world he could have heard.

And now they’re gone, and you’re still alive.

“Lucky me.” you murmur, finding a rock and tossing it into the water.

It’s funny how you only feel bad after all those people are dead. You would never in your right mind would have ever thought of being kind to those people until now. You’ve got some genuine guilt on your hands. 

Edmond and Neysa really had tried to act in your best interest. They knew your limits, but you like to think that you can push it. Like Edmond making sure you’d be sober and not make a fool of yourself in front of all those people at the train station. He wasn’t doing it to restrict you. And even though he didn’t show it the best way, you could have at least tried to understand.

Neysa just wanted you to get good allies. She wanted to give you a fighting chance, and had you just followed what she wanted, you wouldn’t have been so waist-deep in shit with distrust from Finnick’s alliance. She knew something you didn’t when it came to the fact that you shouldn’t go off alone inside of the arena.

And yet you like to be independent. 

There’s a crunching of leaves beneath boots, making you dip your head for a moment. You sigh through your nose, raise your head and then look over your shoulder. It’s exactly who you thought it would be, but he’s not wearing those white scrubs anymore. He’s also got some clothes draped over his arm.

You squint at him, “Are you wearing a suit?”

“Not the reaction I was expecting.” Finnick’s got his signature smile on his face, showing off his dimples.

You turn away before you can say something mean. 

“I figured you’d rather run away in something much more fashionable.” Finnick stops behind you.

“How’d you know?”

You stare at the water for another moment, before pushing yourself up, brushing off the dirt from your butt, knowing full well that it’s still going to be there. In Finnick’s hands sit some familiar ripped black jeans, but a navy blue shirt.

“I see they have a pattern.” you hold up the shirt to see, “And it has a breast pocket too.”

“The pink shirt was thrown away since you destroyed the hem.”

“I was anxious.” you reason, placing the shirt back.

You take off the white scrub shirt, making Finnick turn his head away. A smile appears on your face, because he acts like he literally hasn’t seen you naked before--cough cough, after you got bit by spiders. Butt ass naked, it wasn’t just Finnick who saw you completely nude. You flashed the whole fucking country.

They probably couldn’t keep that in, and had to change the camera perspective after that. 

You pull on the shirt, and then you pull off the bottoms, being sure to wipe your muddy feet on them to clean off your feet.

“So what made you follow me out here this time?” you ask, taking the jeans and pulling them on.

“Your stunning personality, as always.” Finnick looks over now, “And the fact that Haymitch and Boggs wanted me to follow you out here. I tried to tell them it wasn’t the brightest idea, but they had me do it anyway, gave you a thirty minute head start first, though.”

“Smart of them. I’m assuming you saw Katniss, then?” 

“Seems like she’s been taking hit after hit lately.”

“Imagine getting strangled by your fiance.” you laugh, and Finnick joins in.

“Imagine getting punched by your soulmate.” Finnick gives you a look.

You roll your eyes, “Okay, you have to admit that you deserved it.”

“Whatever makes you feel better about yourself.”

You press your lips together, stomping your foot into the boots since you’re too lazy to untie them. You repeat the process with your left foot, which takes a lot longer. Finnick just laughs at you the entire time, since you refuse to go down and fix it yourself.

“Let’s get serious for a moment.” you look at Finnick, and he looks a little afraid, “It’s nothing bad, you might even think I’m lying for a second.”

“That’s not--why would you say that?” he laughs.

You take your dirty scrubs from his hands, “Because I think ahead.” you tap the side of your head, “Anyway, I honestly want to apologize for what I said earlier.”

Finnick’s eyebrows skyrocket, and you can’t help but to laugh, “You’re being serious?”

“I am.” you start towards the trail, “And I would also like to apologize for everything that I’ve said before that. And all my actions too, like if I punched you or threw something at you.”

“Where’s all this coming from?” Finnick asks, “I mean, I accept but you gotta tell me why.”

You look at him, “I was thinking before you came out here--obviously--that people aren’t really out to get me. I don’t have to be independent and fight by myself anymore, not when there’s people with the same… struggles. You get it, right?”

Finnick’s impressed, “I do.”

“You know, a genius once told me that I’m not as dislikable as I like to think.” 

It takes Finnick a moment before it clicks in his head. He’s the one that said it to you.

“A genius, huh?”

“Don’t let it get to your head.” 

He nods, “Well, if we’re apologizing for things--”

“We’re cool, you don’t have to.”

Finnick ignores you, “--I’m sorry for approaching you so strongly.”

“You thought that it was the only way to get through to me, I get it. If someone has their walls up, sometimes the only way to get them down is if you meet their energy.”

“Do I even know you?” Finnick laughs.

“Oh, the glory of having an epiphany.” you smile, giving him a look, “So what are we dressed up for?”

“Your newfound freedom.”

“The fuck?” you laugh.

“Haymitch and Boggs convinced Coin to get you a little more freedom, which means that they weaseled me in too. We get a dorm, get to eat with the others and we can come up here whenever we want.”

“I have a feeling this is a little bit of bullshit.”

Finnick chuckles, “How did you know?”

“You can’t deceive me, I see through most of the shit you and your buddies do. I pay attention. I knew you, Johanna and the others were in an alliance before it was formed. And I also knew that you were planning a rebellion, and all you asked is if I was a loyalist.” you get back to walking, “You could even say that I’m a little insightful.”

“I’ll give you that one.” Finnick agrees, “Also, before we go back inside, you should know something else.”

“What did you do this time?” you look at Finnick.

He’s stopped walking, and so you do too, “I’ve ended things with Annie completely.”

[ilguna]

Metanoia - Chapter Ten (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 7.5k

Warnings; swearing, murder!

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

DOUBLE UPDATE TODAY --> CHAPTER TEN 1/2

–

You would take the fucking birds over the spiders any day. If you could go back in time and be here instead, you would take it. Because while it was genuine torture for Katniss--since she has human emotion--it was nothing to you. You laughed for the first fifteen minutes, until it stopped being funny as soon as they pulled out fabricated screams of your very dead family.

You can’t deny that you weren't impressed, though. The amount of trouble they must have gone through just to get them had to have been a lot. They’re dead, which means that they obviously can’t torture them, so the screams have to be fake. So, they have to go back to the interview they had with your family when you were first in the games, take samples of their voices, and then manipulate it until it sounded about right.

They did a fantastic job making it sound real. You almost had a flashback to all those times you were a dick to your brothers and sisters. However, you can’t verify for your parents. They never screamed, no matter what situation they were in, they took it without any fear.

You tried to tell Katniss that the people she hears screaming are probably just fine, considering the gamemakers are morons and they just gave the entire thing away the second they chose your family. But she either literally couldn’t hear you over the birds, or she just chose to ignore you either way.

You can’t say that you didn’t try, though you didn’t care enough to enforce it in her mind.

After a certain point in time, you got fed up with the birds pelting you, and sitting around next to the wall waiting for the hour to be up, so you wandered. Of course, where you went, the birds followed. But it was better being able to move around and check out the sector to see if it was worth staying in after this. 

Compared to everything else, this section of the arena is definitely harmless. The birds fuck with the mind of those who have human emotion, but that’s about it. There’s no deadly fog or monkeys. There’s no spiders that eat flesh or a wave of water that’ll wipe you out if you can’t swim. It’s basically clean.

Although, it does hurt when the birds propel themselves into your body, beaks first. After a while, you kinda just get used to it, and learn when to swing the glaive to send the birds flying into the trees. It was fun, until you realized that if you wander too far, the gamemakers might actually try to wipe you out for entertainment.

“Are you okay?” Finnick asks, you swat his hand away.

“You think I give a shit?” you ask, “Those birds mean nothing. The screams are fake, the gamemakers were stupid enough to use my families.” you look up to the sky of the arena, “Which by the way, if you didn’t know--they’re all fucking dead!”

The look on Finnick’s face is almost priceless. He opens his mouth, but you shake your head at him. They’ve been dead for years, and no amount of apologies will bring them back to life. Everyone can say they’re sorry all they want, but you don’t want to hear a single thing out of their mouth concerning the situation unless they’re some sort of necromancer.

“They won’t touch Prim.” Peeta says to Katniss.

“Your fiance’s right, the whole country loves your sister. If they tortured her-–if they did anything to her, forget the districts. There would be riots in the damn Capitol.” Johanna laughs, and then yells; “Hey, how does that sound, Snow? What if we-–what if we set your backyard on fire? You know you can’t put everybody in here.”

You slow clap, snickering to yourself. Johanna and you may not get along, since you two come from very different places, but the two of you are similar than anyone may think. Which is the exact reason why you hate her so fucking much. You don’t want to be compared to her. While she’s loud-mouthed and unafraid to get in trouble, you’d never say some of the shit she does.

Like her stunt during the interview, not a move you would have made. Then again, your entire plan when you volunteered was to be ruthless and win. You didn’t want a target on your head back then, and you don’t really want one now either. However, in order for that not to happen, you’d have to completely ditch your group of allies here.

If anything screams target, it’s sticking around with Beetee, the guy who worked for the Capitol, knows things that he shouldn’t. Johanna, as you said, loud-mouthed and unfearful of sharing her opinions. And Katniss Everdeen, the trouble-stirrer. Plus, god knows what Snow would have against Finnick, Peeta and you.

“What?” she asks, “He can’t hurt me. There’s no one left that I love.”

“Join the club.” you swing the glaive in your hand before slamming it into the ground.

First of all, you’re not entirely surprised that her family has been killed off. When she had come out of her games, she was a big talk for a long while. Johanna played the damsel in distress role very well, which is nearly the same thing that Finnick had done. The only difference, Finnick was just looked over until the last second, while Johanna was purposely acting innocent. 

It doesn’t take a lot for the Capitol citizens to desire a certain tribute. They must have seen the fire, spunk and determination on Johanna. Snow obviously had tried to get her to say yes, but even after he had killed her family, she didn’t give in like the rest of you. 

You’ve known a couple of people that have been included in the Capitol’s antics, actually. Cashmere, Gloss, Enobaria, you. You know for a fact that Finnick was included, and you bet he said no at first too, so he’s missing a few fingers. There’s Johanna, maybe Blight but you don’t have a clue on that. A few of the other tributes that have been in here probably too.

Katniss and Peeta would be on that list, if it weren’t for them being together and the nation wanting them to be. There’s a great deal of people that want them to be married and have children and be the holy grail of perfect couples. While on the other hand, there’s a few that would desire Katniss, you’re not sure about Peeta. He’s kinda… brainless.

Anyway, Snow wouldn’t take a chance like breaking up the most loved couple at the moment to try and sell one--or maybe both!--into prostitution. He’s smarter than that.

Johanna walks off, you’re not entirely sure why, and you don’t care very much either.

“You weren’t affected at all?” Finnick asks when he can’t stand the silence. Or he’s curious over why Katniss had lost her mind and you stood like a soldier in a storm.

“Finnick, I stopped giving a shit a long time ago,” you say, “There’s two exact things that I care about anymore. One, my big cozy house in District Two. And two, my pride and joy, Tanith.” you grab a hold of the necklace, showing it off for a moment, “And before you ask, no she isn’t my daughter. She’s just one of two of my victors.”

Zavian can go fuck himself, is what you’re subtly implying. You wonder if he’s caught on to that.

“Sure, they tried to get a rise out of me using Tanith’s screams, but I wasn’t going to fall for it. I already saw what happened to numb nuts--” you motion to Katniss, “--and decided to just… not care. I’m not exactly an emotional person, if you haven’t caught on just yet.”

Peeta clearly didn’t like the nickname that you handed off to Katniss. To this, you give him a very specific look as you pass him. Almost a sneer, because you still are very much above him.

“Kids.” you mutter.

This is enough to set him off, “Seriously, what is wrong with you?”

“Peeta…” Finnick warns.

You crouch down near him and Katniss, “You know how animals get a little antsy when their prey is in front of them?” he looks like he pales, “We’re not friends, Peeta. In fact, I completely loathe you and I’ve been waiting for a moment to pounce on you and everyone else here.

“The second that this alliance fails, I’m going after you guys first. Not Johanna, or Beetee, or Brutus. You and your little girlfriend.”

“That just means that you’re afraid of what we’re capable of.”

You laugh in his face, before moving closer, whispering; “No, I just know things that you don’t.” you stand again, “I’m heading to the beach, don’t feel forced to follow anytime soon.”

You take a completely new path to the beach, making sure to cover your tracks the best you can. Last thing you want is Finnick chasing after you, thinking that you’re upset or whatever. That isn’t the case in the slightest, you’re mostly walking away so you don’t end up killing them.

Katniss is in the most vulnerable state she’s been in yet. A quick stab through her chest, and then a swing of the glaive up to Peeta’s throat--and you’ve knocked them both out of the game already. You bet Finnick wouldn’t necessarily try to kill you, but he’d definitely disarm you in some way.

Pull the pocket knife out of your boot, three people are dead. Beetee can’t run that fast, four people. It would just be you and Johanna, and she’d probably go running back to the rest of you, since that’s a lot of cannons. You’d take her out too, and then there would be only three people left inside of the games.

You, Brutus, and Chaff--as Peeta said. Chaff doesn’t have any important skills, he’d die in the wilderness. With your luck, all you’d have to do is camp the cornucopia, hidden inside, and when he would come to armor up some more--because he would--you’d take him out too. Just like that, you’d be the winner of the Quarter Quell.

Of course, this is all easier said than done. Trying to kill four people in one big burst would be an absolute pain in the ass. You’d have to pick a perfect time to do it. Like Katniss freaking out over whoever it was, and Peeta tending over her. 

Actually, instead of killing Finnick third, you think you would go for Beetee instead, and Finnick would come after. It just makes more sense that way. 

The beach is empty, there’s no one around the ring--and as far as you can see--in the treeline either. Brutus would be smart enough to stay in the jungle, and not make a run for the cornucopia just in case the rest of you are out here. He’s outnumbered considerably. He might be able to mow down a few people at first, but eventually he’ll get taken down.

You take a seat next to the tree that you guys were gathered around before the jabberjays had rudely interrupted. You run your hands over your arms, noticing that the scabs are basically gone already. It’s good news, it means that the ointment that you were given works at an accelerated pace--even more so than the cream for the cut on the back of your head.

Applying it again, you skip your legs. It’s only the upper half of your body that’s exposed anymore, and it’s because you passed on putting the shirt on. It was because of how hot it is in here. Plus, the thing is basically ruined anyway, the spiders had chewed holes in it to get through.

Hell, you bet that it’s still where you left it last.

You can’t wait until all of this is over.

--

“Who’s Annie?” Katniss asks, you raise your head from where it was resting against a tree, looking to where everyone is sitting.

Johanna is next to Katniss, Finnick is sitting in the water, and Beetee and Peeta are nearby. 

“Annie Cresta, the girl that Mags volunteered for. She won like four years--five years ago.” Johanna says.

You lay your head back down against the tree, but don’t bother closing your eyes again, instead you stare right ahead at Finnick. You’d call him insane for sitting in freezing water like that, but he comes from the ocean district. No water can really bother him that badly.

You wonder what brought Katniss’ question on. She might have overheard you when you asked Finnick that question. About what would happen to Annie if you and Finnick are soulmates. If he’d just willingly leave her like that, after he found your dislikable personality, charming somehow.

“Is she the one that went a little…” Katniss doesn’t want to say it.

Johanna hums, pauses, and then says; “Love is weird.”

Unfortunately, it is.

“I have a plan.” Beetee says.

“Finnick!” Johanna gets up.

“I have a plan.” Beetee repeats.

Finnick and Johanna come back over, arms resting on the tree branch. You don’t move from where you’re sitting, which is definitely out of the circle that they’re standing and sitting in. You’re exhausted, you need some real sleep and not some power naps every couple of hours.

“Where does Brutus feel safest? The jungle?” Beetee asks.

“Jungles a nightmare.” Johanna says.

“Probably here on the beach.” Peeta answers.

“Then why is he not here?” Beetee asks.

“Because we are. We claimed it.” Johanna spits.

You can’t believe that they’re really worrying over one person. As you’ve said to yourself over and over, Brutus is harmless if you’re all careful. Yes, he will come back to hunt, but he’s going to need supplies out of the cornucopia first. Once he gets that shit, he’ll be coming after you guys.

“And if we left, he would come?” Beetee asks again.

You hate his ‘twenty questions’ game. If you have a plan, just say it and not beat around the bush.

“Or stay hidden in the treeline.” Finnick says.

“Which in just over four hours will be soaked with water from the ten o’clock wave.” he smiles, “Then what happens at midnight?”

“Lightning strikes that tree.” Katniss points.

“Here’s what I propose,” Beetee starts, “We leave the beach at dusk. We head to the lightning tree, that should draw them back to the beach. Prior to midnight, we then run this wire–” he motions to it, and then goes to pointing, “–from the tree, to the water. Anyone in the water, or the damp sand, will be electrocuted.’

The two morons sitting in the sand feel it between their fingers as if they don’t know what damp sand feels like by now. You clench your teeth and close your eyes, leaning your head back.

Maybe you should just stay here and quit following them around.

“How do we know that the wire’s not going to burn up?” Johanna asks.

“Because I invented it.” he says, “I assure you, it won’t burn up.”

Johanna and Finnick share a look, and you can practically hear the conversation. Asking if it’s worth it, the other says it won’t. There’s really nothing left to lose, so you all might as well do it.

And then, Finnick looks at you, “What’re you thinking, (Y/n)?”

“Is there a look on my face?” you ask, raising your eyebrows.

Finnick cracks a smile, “I’m asking because you know these tricks best.”

Sighing, you lean forward, “Not that you actually care, you’re going to go through whatever you feel like is best. But if you want my opinion, Brutus is one man. We can take him on, it’s not like he’s impossible to kill. The fact that you’re going through will all of this though--” you motion between the sand and the coil of wire, “--is stupid.”

“But if you were with him, would you come after us?” Katniss asks.

“Without a doubt. However, he’s by himself, he’s smarter than you guys take him for, he’s gonna wait till we split up or something. Also, since he’s the last hope of a career--since I am very clearly tainted by your ideals--he’s pampered. The motherfucker will have everything that he could wish for.”

Johanna laughs, “Well, Beetee’s plan is better than hunting him down.”

You roll your eyes, laying back against the tree again. You don’t know why you bother.

What’s even more annoying, is that you’re considering helping Brutus come after these pretentious dicks. And now that you know their plan, it makes it even better. You and Brutus would be able to avoid the beach for a while, and if it does get electrocuted, the sand will likely be partially glass anyway.

And since you know the jungle better than Brutus does at this point, he’ll owe you more than he’ll like it.

“Yeah, why not? If it fails, no harm done anyway.” Katniss says.

Peeta nods, “Alright, I say we try it.”

“So what can we do to help?” Finnick asks.

Beetee pauses for a moment before answering, “Keep me alive for the next six hours? That would be extremely helpful.”

Beetee goes ahead and lists everything that he’ll be doing. For a while, you’re able to sit through his speech, until you develop a headache. Only then do you go ahead with getting up and wandering to the cornucopia just to get away from everyone. If you do decide to sneak off, it’ll be easier to do when there’s a structure blocking their view.

You’ve got hours to burn before you have to leave the beach and go to the trees.

It isn’t until you’re pretty far along the rocks when you realize that you’re not alone. In fact, there’s quite a lot of splashing happening in the water. Instinctively, you move closer to the other side of the rock, not really wanting to look and see if there’s a fucking mutt that also lives inside of the water. On top of the fact that the gamemakers can spin you dizzy if they feel like it.

“Smart.”

“Holy fuck, Finnick.” you stop, raising your face to the sky, “Do you ever give people personal space?”

“Remember what happened the last time we were in the middle?”

You look at Finnick now, “As you guys said, he’s probably staying hidden in the trees! Won’t come out until we’re fuckin’ gone, so what’s the harm in wandering around?”

Finnick comes up to the rocks, crossing his arms and pulling himself with them, “Was that rhetorical or do you really want to know.”

You crouch down, “What are you here for?”

“Keeping an eye on you.”

“Afraid I’ll run?”

“After that homicidal look you had on your face listening to Beetee, yeah.”

You offer your hand to him, and he takes it, so you pull him up, “Beetee not only had an annoying voice, but doesn’t know when to shut up.” you look at where he’s sitting with Johanna, “She’s probably wanting to kill him too.”

You don’t wait for Finnick to pull himself up. The cornucopia is empty, there’s no one here but you and Finnick.

You wish that there weren’t cameras everywhere. You wish that you’d be able to have a full conversation with Finnick, cutting out all the secret words. You want to ask him what happened if this plan of his actually comes true. Who’s bringing them out of here? And when?

You have a vague idea, Beetee said that you guys should keep him alive for the ‘next six hours’, and not anything past that. That’s significant, right? Maybe it will happen tonight, after all.

“What’s on your mind?” Finnick takes a seat on the box while you six in the black sand.

“Six hours to keep him alive is very specific, don’t you think?” you ask, hoping that he catches on, “Do you think he has any big plans after that?”

“He might, after midnight. Just depends if it all goes according to plan.”

Something might happen after midnight--doesn’t make sense to you, “Well, Chaff is dead already,” the cannon went off an hour ago, it can’t be Brutus, you just know it, “And if we do kill Brutus, that just leaves us.”

“Yes it does.” Finnick says.

“Which means that I should branch off while I can.” you squint, waiting for him to object.

“We’d just have to go after you next, since you have a vendetta against Peeta and Katniss, after all.” 

“So I should stick around?”

“We might surprise you.” Finnick smiles.

You stand again, heading over to the water, facing it, “Yeah? And what happens if they shoot first?”

“Come on, (Y/n). You’re telling me that you won’t be anticipating it the entire time?”

He’s amused, which annoys you. All of this is such a walk in the park for him, and he can clearly tell that none of this is as easy for you. You don’t know if you can put your trust in their hands, considering that they know your motives. If you let your guard down for even a little bit, they’d be able to take you out.

Finnick is always so smug when it comes to things. Whoever is really behind this, he must believe in them a lot. They have to be really good at whatever they’re planning to do if this is the way to go.

“I will.” you admit, “If Katniss even twitches, I’ll wipe out that boy of hers.” you slam the glaive into the rock, smiling a little bit, “And while she’s grieving, I’ll take her next.”

“You fantasize about death a lot?”

“For them, yes.” you look over your shoulder, “Could you imagine the shock on the Capitol citizen’s faces when I take out the girl on fire and her useless boyfriend? They’d loathe me.”

“You’d get yourself in trouble.”

“I’m already in trouble. I had tons of people betting on me, and I’ve wasted their precious money.”

He snorts, “They’ll have more to waste next year, too.”

If there is a next year.

“When do we head back to the others?” you ask.

“Is the sun hitting the trees yet?” Finnick is behind you, and just before you’re able to slip out of his fingers, he places his hands on your waist and leans forward, “Looks like we’ve still got some time.”

“Annie Cresta is sobbing in her psychotic rocking chair.” you elbow him to get him off, and he obliges, “What made you like her, anyway?”

“What made you like me?”

You laugh, “Ha! You think I give a shit about you!” you then deadpan, staring at him, “Sweetheart, I could drown you in these waters and come up victorious. You haven’t grown on me as much as you think you have.”

“You’re tolerating me more, whether you want to admit that or not.”

“Tolerating is a hell of a difference. Ticking time bomb--what was that song that Wiress was singing before she was subtly murdered by my admirer?” you mock a smile.

Finnick looks interested, “Admirer? Gloss admired you?”

“If you win these games, make sure they play back the tapes of every single time Gloss and I ran across each other. Watch his eyes, especially. And the interview, too, because he had the blessing of holding my hand for a minute while we played rebellion on live tv.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and then he laughs to himself, “(Y/n), you could have anyone you want, and yet you choose to be all by yourself.”

“What? Johanna and Beetee have a crush on me now? On top of you, and Gloss, and probably Brutus too.” 

“Who said I’m on that list?” Finnick asks.

You hold up your finger, before moving behind him, placing your hands on his sides, leaning into his body as close as you can manage. He’s wet from being in the water, but the effect works.

“Go fuck yourself.”

You shove him in after that, watching as he flails, and then hits the water. 

You pick up your glaive from the rocks as you move back to the cornucopia. It’s a couple of seconds before Finnick gets himself out of the water again. You don’t say a word to him, pulling out food from the boxes and chewing on it as you continue to dig through the shit.

“You don’t need to ask my permission to go to the others.” you tell him, “I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can, but I’m going to sit here anyway.”

Not like he has much to do in the first place.

“Do you really think I would leave Annie for you?”

“No, and I don’t want you to either. The girl is nutty enough as it is, she’d just think that the next person she comes across that shows an interest will end up leaving her if they find their soulmate too.”

“You’d stay with someone even if they weren’t?”

You look up, “I don’t date.”

“Hypothetically, then.”

Sighing, you go back to what you were doing, “It’s not really hypothetical with me. The guy did fucking leave me because he found his soulmate when I was in the games. The motherfucker started dating her before I’d even come home. I wore his stupid trinket necklace into the games and everything.

“I was a teenager--whatever. But we had been together for years, so I would expect some hesitance, and maybe even remorse.” you look at Finnick, “If I were you, I wouldn’t even be considering leaving Annie. It would be a downgrade, because I don’t care about you, and she does.

“And before you say that ‘time would change that’, you’d be changing me, the person I am. I’m developed, I’m not changing anything. You choose someone who would love you forever, or someone who would loathe every detail about you.” you stop now, “If you saw a golden apple and a rotten apple in front of you, which would you pick? I know I would pick the golden one.”

“I am the golden one--”

“And I’m the rotten one for you.” you say, “And honestly, even if you do pick me, I don’t pick you. My opinion hasn’t changed since the tribute parade, you’re as unlikable as all the other rejects on the beach. The only people that have ever liked you are one of the three things, dead, crazy, or horny. And I’m not any of those.”

“No,” Finnick instantly disagrees, “You’re crazy.”

“Not for you.”

Finnick laughs, and doesn’t say anything more. 

You pop open another box, and lo and behold sits your sai’s. You laugh, pulling them out and turning them over in your hands. They’re shiny, new as the day as they were made.

“Look at these!” the excitement bubbles out of you, “I knew that they were here somewhere. They wouldn’t have the weapons for everyone but me.”

“Aren’t those used for disarming people, though? Not really for killing?”

You look up at Finnick, “That’s the best part. The bluntness makes it hurt.”

Getting to your feet, you spin them in your hands, and then aim them towards Finnick. You give him a pretty big smile, and he knows what you want. He picks up his trident, pointing it at your chest.

“What happens if I accidentally stab you?” Finnick asks.

“Don’t flatter yourself, you won’t even get close.” you swing first.

The bar to the trident gets stuck in the sai, and with one healthy twist, you’ve already disarmed Finnick in three moves. You grab the trident before it hits the rock, and then you hand it back to Finnick.

“That was quick.” Finnick raises his eyebrows, “What else do you know?”

“How to shoot a bow, wield a number of swords that are different variations of the same model. I know how to use the trident you’re holding, and anything close to a spear--what else?” you look into the cornucopia, “Probably the whip, the mace--with and without the chain too. The axes that Johanna has, I’d be able to use that too, but it’s a little heavy for my liking.”

When you look at Finnick, he clearly doesn’t know what to think, “Are you lying to me?”

“No.”

“What can’t you do?” 

“Swim well, and probably fish either. District Two is a barren wasteland.” you belt at least one of the sai’s before picking the glaive up, “Sun’s hit the trees, it’s about time we head back.”

You take the lead while Finnick lags for a moment.

The walk back is filled with questions, and more banter back and forth. By the time you get to the beach, the others are ready to go. Everyone packs up their shit--not that there’s much in the first place--and then you all head into the jungle, one by one.

Finnick, Beetee, Peeta, Katniss, Johanna, and then you. Johanna and you had a power struggle for a moment, until Finnick said that you probably should be kept away from Katniss and Peeta since you’re more dangerous than you let on. Johanna laughed in your face, but didn’t argue.

You guess that he isn’t wrong. You could take any of their weapons and thrive. One of the perks of being a games-trained tribute, rather than an unsuspecting child. You were taught to be able to use anything, which doesn’t mean that you don’t have preferences when it comes to certain things, of course.

You’d prefer an sai because it’s able to disarm people pretty quickly. It’s unrealistic in a deadly fight though, so you’d always go for something more simple as a sword. You would have picked that instead, if it weren’t for the fact that swords are basic, and have average reach. A glaive, a spear, or a trident is a complete different story.

Throwing a glaive is going to be easier than throwing a sword. They’re built different, swords are meant to slice through the air to move quicker. While the glaive, spear, or trident are specifically designed to be able to be thrown without fucking it up. If you threw a sword, with the handle and the blade that it has, it would spin through the air. While the others specifically have a pole made for throwing.

Also, the tip of the spear is meant to guide the rest of the weapon. It’s heavy in that one spot mostly, as the rest of it is light material--or it’s supposed to be, at least. It’s going to be a lot harder to throw one thing straight than the other.

As the sun gets lower, the jungle gets darker. The heat might be less, but that doesn’t stop the humidity. You’re sweating out all the water you drank before this hike. The entire thing is uphill, and it’s pretty steep too. You can feel the burn in your calves from it.

Capitol music interrupts the silence. But while the others stop, you don’t bother. You can see their faces and their districts in your mind already. Cashmere and Gloss from District One, Cashmere being your kill, Gloss being Katniss. Wiress since Gloss has killed her before going down seconds later.

Mags because she died due to the poisonous fog in a noble sacrifice for Peeta. The girl from five, she drowned in the tidal wave that hit at ten this morning. Next is the female morphling that died for Peeta during the mutt attack, which was just an hour after Mags had died.

Blight, Johanna’s district mate because he ran head-first into the forcefield wall or whatever when he was blinded by the blood rain. The guy from ten died from an unknown mutt attack, which would later be the same fate for Chaff.

It’s you and Brutus, Beetee, Finnick, Johanna, and Katniss and Peeta left in here. Brutus is the odd man out, while the rest of you are in a supposed alliance. By now, in any other regular games, the tributes would be at each other’s throats already. If you all were careers--which, two of you are in this case--it would be even worse. 

People would be picked off in their sleep, there would be no time to sort a plan out. Let everyone run in different directions and go from there. If you come across each other, it’s a fight to the death. Unless they’re making mini allies after that. 

“Eager?” Finnick asks as soon as you get up to him.

“If I stop walking now, then I’m not going to get back up.” you tell him, “Plus I know everyone that’s died already, and you know the exact amount too. Take a look at your arm.”

“You won’t take a moment to honor them?”

“I had planned to kill half of them, so no, I really won’t.” you then pause for a second, looking at Finnick, “May Mags have peace, though.” 

Finnick cracks a smile, “You’re soft.”

You scowl at Finnick, before going back to the hill. Finnick keeps at your pace, and in no time, you’re reached the tree. Beetee passes you guys up.

“Minimal charring, impressive conductor… let’s get started.” Beetee says, heading over to the tree.

As everyone else follows him over, you decide to stay watch instead. Finnick doesn’t move either, probably deciding that it’ll be best to stick by your sick.

“Lost puppy.” you mutter.

Beetee gets the wire going around the tree, and since it’s made up of a bunch of small trees, Beetee focuses on those and not the one main part. It takes a while before he finally gets a rhythm down, he goes much faster after that.

And since he’s Beetee, he’s also blabbing his mouth while he does it, “Typically, a lightning strike contains five billion volts of energy.”

“Fascinating.” Finnick snickers, and you look over to give him a look of amusement.

“We don’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity when this hits.”

Beetee finishes up with the wire, and then he begins off in the direction that you guys came from, holding it out to Katniss, “You girls go together now, take this. Unspool it carefully, make sure the entire coil is in the water, you understand? Then head to the tree at the two o’clock center, we’ll meet you there.”

Katniss looks between Beetee and Johanna, like she doesn’t know what to think of this. Too bad for her, you’re not entirely sure either. You have no clue what the hell is going on, but from the look on Finnick’s face, he wants you to play along.

“I’m going to go with them as a guard.” Peeta says.

You laugh, “As if you’d be much help.”

“No, you’re staying here to protect me.” Beetee then adds, “And the tree.”

“No, I need to go with her.” Peeta says in a mock authoritative tone. 

“Brutus is the size of two careers, I need two guards.”

“Finnick and (Y/n) can protect you just fine.” Peeta tries.

“Last time I checked, you’re not a girl,” you lean on the glaive.

“Yeah, why can’t Finnick and (Y/n) protect you, and Peeta, Johanna and I take the coil?”

“You all agreed to keep me alive until midnight, correct?” Beetee comes closer, glasses halfway down his nose.

“It’s his plan, we all agreed to it,” Johanna says.

Finnick chimes in too, “Is there a problem, here?”

“Excellent question.” Beetee waits for an objection.

There is none, “No, there’s no problem.”

Katniss goes to say goodbye to Peeta, and you give a look to Johanna, “I’m not holding the wire.”

“I don’t plan on it either.” Johanna says.

Johanna gives Katniss another second before telling him to pick up the pace. After that, the three of you leave to go down the hill to the sand. As you go down the way you came, you realize that Johanna seems to have an entire path planned out, she’s got a goal.

As much as you hate to say it, you’ve got to follow her lead, especially if you might screw up whatever it is that she has to do. With what Finnick said and all earlier this evening, midnight or after. Six hours has come upon you guys quite quickly, it’s not even thirty minutes or so until the lightning does happen.

You go down the hill first, allowing Johanna and then Katniss go behind you. Johanna seemed to have wanted it this way, and she even encouraged you to be the one that went first. You’d like to be paranoid about it being because she can literally backstab you in this position, but you don’t have the energy for this.

You’d really like to know the point of going all the way up the hill to wrap a wire around a tree only for it to turn out that you’d literally be going back down the hill maybe an hour to a half hour later.

It’s mostly just silence, the most difficult part is going down the rocks. You use the glaive as a walking stick as you carefully lower yourself down onto each rock. With Johanna and Katniss, Johanna takes the bow from her to allow Katniss to get down safely. Also allowing her to focus on the safety of the wire.

Johanna hands the bow back, and then says, “Come on. I want to put as much distance between me and this beach as possible. Frying is not how I want to go.”

You guys walk a couple more steps, until the sound of the wire unspooling stops altogether, and Katniss comes to a halt too. When you turn around to see, the wire is pulled tight, and each time Katniss tugs, it doesn’t move.

“There’s something…” Katniss trails off, leaning forward a little bit.

This isn’t a coincidence, you give a look to Johanna just before the wire snaps, and she nods at you. The moment you look back at the place where the wire had been stuck, Brutus emerges. In the same moment, Johanna grabs the wire from Katniss and hits her over the head with it.

“Keep an eye on him.” Johanna murmurs lowly, and she doesn’t really have to tell you twice.

Whatever Johanna does, it makes Katniss scream. By the time Johanna stands again, there’s blood on her hands, you watch as she reaches for her axe, but you stop her. You grab the sai on your belt and throw it, before shoving Johanna to get her running.

She doesn’t hesitate, and she might even be grateful of the fact that she won’t be fighting Brutus with her two tiny fists.

“Is he following?” Johanna asks.

You pause for a moment, listening, until Brutus comes running at you from the fucking trees. You swing the glaive, allowing him to dodge and get out of the way. You slip under his arm when his attention is then turned to Johanna. After that, you scramble your way up to higher ground.

As you go up, you dig your hand into your boot, searching for the pocketknife. However, you can’t seem to find it at first. You stop, make your way up to the top of the hill first, before pulling the boot off. The knife drops into the leaves, and you pick it up, flicking it open.

After that, you take off running without the shoe. You can feel the rocks and needles poking into your foot with every single step you take. You keep an eye on your right, looking for Brutus’ shiny bald head in the moonlight. And when you’re sure you caught a glimpse of it, you take a couple of steps back.

You catch your breath the best you can, and when you feel the adrenaline run through your body like a shot of energy, you bolt towards the cliff. When you hit the edge, you push off, and pull the knife over your head. Johanna clearly sees you behind him, over him, flying down like an eagle catching its prey.

Then, you sink the knife straight into the back of Brutus’ neck. It doesn’t kill him immediately, but he does fall flat onto his elbows. It’s not over yet, the cannon hasn’t signaled so you pull the knife out and sink it straight into the back of Brutus’ skull.

The cannon goes off, and you dip your head a little bit, sucking in the air between your teeth.

“Shit.”

“Don’t fucking mention it.” you tell her, getting up again, “You should find Katniss, or whatever.”

“Yeah, you’re okay?”

“Are you? I left you alone for a minute.”

“No dents.” she says.

She takes off after that, and you nod a little to yourself. You take the same path that you did the first time, finding your shoe at the top. You yank the sock off, shove your foot into the boot, pick up the glaive and then start towards the tree. You only know you’re heading in the right direction when you can see glimpses through the trees.

You slam into something solid, but you grab onto it before you bounce off. It takes you a second to realize that it’s no tree, it’s Finnick. His eyes are wide and he looks over you.

“Who’s blood--”

“Brutus, he’s dead. Johanna went to look for Katniss.”

“Peeta ran off when the cannon--we need to find Katniss first.”

“What’s the plan?” you ask, stopping Finnick.

“Find who you can and bring them back to the tree.”

This is chaos.

“Okay,” you agree, “Yeah, alright.”

You go to go by yourself, but Finnick pulls you along with him. The two of you run through the trees a little bit as he calls out for Johanna, and Peeta and Katniss. When you guys take a moment to get your heads back, you suggest that they might have just gone back to the lightning tree.

“Yeah--okay.” Finnick says.

“I’m going to look for another minute or so, I’ll be there in a second.” you push him.

“No, come with me.”

“Finnick, if they’re not at the tree, they’re out here.” you pause for a second, “I’m not going to kill anyone, promise. Just go.”

He clearly doesn’t want to agree, but he heads in that direction anyway. And just as you said, you search the ground, in the bushes, leaves and trees. You’re mainly hoping that Peeta is pulling his stupid camoflauge stunt, but you’re not entirely sure how he would have enough time to do that.

Nevertheless, you kick in bushes, and peek into trees that are split open. You sweep your foot between rocks, hoping that you’ll find something squishy, or a groan of complaint, but there really is nothing. 

Another couple of minutes, and then you decide that they have to be back at camp at this rate, right?

“Johanna?” you yell, fed up with this quiet game, because there is no threat anymore, “Peeta?”

Just as there’s rustling in the leaves, an explosion goes off above you. You crouch, covering your head as you meekly look to see what caused it. Your mouth falls open when you see the sky of the arena is black, and the hexagons that hold the arena together, are coming loose.

“What the fuck?” Johanna asks.

“Did you find Peeta?”

“No, Finnick or Katniss?”

“Finnick went back to the tree.” your voice sounds far away.

The hexagons are falling now, the mouth of the arena is now on fire. You can see all the construction that’s behind the making of these places. The tree is so far up the hill, it would take a lot of energy to run all that way again.

Neither you or Johanna move, though, staring at the opening. Then, a familiar black mass appears in the bright blue sky, lowering a claw. All the way down, until it sweeps up Beetee.

You start moving towards the tree, keeping your eyes on the hovercraft, watching as it gets dropped down a second time.

“(Y/n)--!” Johanna starts.

“I’m not staying in here!” you yell back at her, “I’m getting the fuck out of here even if it kills me!”

You struggle going up the ledge of dirt, and then the rocks too as you try not to make them dislodge and tumble. Johanna doesn’t follow you, almost like she knows something and you don’t.

The claw goes down a third time, and some sick feeling in your stomach tells you that it’s the final time. You push yourself the best you can, but you can feel your body giving up already. And just as you make it into the clearing, Finnick is already getting lifted into the air.

The ground shakes with every hexagon that falls. The jungle is on fire, and you can smell the burning wood, giving you a headache. But you don’t move from where you’re standing, watching as the claw is brought in. And just as you anticipate it coming out the fourth time.

The hovercraft flies away.

[ilguna]

Metanoia - Chapter One (f.o)

Summary: you will be crowned victor of the 75th hunger games.

Word Count; 4.9k

Warnings; swearing

NOTES: i give reader a last name to fit the world.

–

This might be it. This might just be the first time you’re feeling emotion that doesn’t belong to yourself. And all you can say about it is: it’s completely awful. It’s nothing close to what your mother had told you about. Right now, it feels like you’re a prisoner in your own body, and you’re not being allowed to feel for yourself.

Whoever your soulmate is, they’re obviously empathetic to the point that it’s crippling. Imagine being this grief-ridden on reaping day. You can’t fathom the idea that any regular person would feel this bad for people. So there’s really a couple of things that might be going on. 

One, your soulmate is a friend of a victor, and they’re worried that their favorite person is going to get pulled to go back inside. Two, they’re family of a victor and it’s the same thing. Three, it’s an empathetic person--which you can’t stand. Or four, it’s a victor themself.

No matter the way it goes, their emotion is cancelling out yours. You don’t want to be full of sorrow, you know for a fact that somewhere deep in your body, you’re absolutely bubbling with excitement. You’ve been looking forward to today ever since the games were announced in the winter.

Today is the day.

And yet, you can’t pull yourself out of bed. You’ve been staring at the white ceiling for at least an hour now, setting yourself back. It’s like all the enthusiasm has been drained from your body, and you’re actually regretting your decision.

A slight shiver runs through your body at that thought. You draw the line there, you’re not going to regret anything. 

Pushing yourself up, you slide out of the silk bed sheets before you can change your mind and go back to laziness. You don’t bother fixing the blankets, not really caring for the fact that they’re in disarray. You never make the bed, and you won’t start on it today either. It’s a tactic of stalling, and there’s no reason for you to.

Before the shower, you decide on picking out the dress. Something gold and glittery, which is just about the entire wardrobe. You didn’t actually buy any of these dresses, they were all given as a gift from your stylists or Capitol citizens when you spent your summer after the games, inside of the Capitol.

You pick out a floor-length dress that’s a mix between black and gold. Two set colors that you can match easily. You kick out the heels that are also black and somewhat glittery. They don’t have the actual heel part to them, but they are engineered to look like it, and they’re pretty easy to walk in. They’re always your go-to when it comes to special things like this. 

The dress is only a little bit poofy, and it’s on the lower half. Either way, it goes down to the floor, and there should be no chance of anyone seeing your feet to know that you’re reusing another pair of shoes. There’s a v-neck plunge, but it doesn’t show much skin, you still look pretty modest. In the back, it’s open.

It’s definitely a dress you could find yourself wearing during the interviews with Caesar. Or a dress you would have worn after your first tribute had won the hunger games. You’ve only mentored twice, and both of them came out alive. After that, the job was handed onto them since they were the more recent victors.

All your jewelry resides on the white vanity, but you don’t bother picking those out. You toss the dress over the back of the chair, and move the shoes nearby so it won’t be a hunt. After that, you go ahead and get into the bathroom to take your shower.

You scrub your entire body clean, even though you know that you’ll be washed again inside of the Capitol about a dozen times. You do the basics to your hair, and when you get out, you’re putting product after product in so it’s ready when you do finally come around to it.

You pull on your undergarments, skipping your dress as you head downstairs for breakfast. There’s no shame in going downstairs half-naked. There’s no one else here to call you out on it.

You hit the bottom of the stairs, and while you’re navigating through the living room to get to the kitchen, you pause in the open doorway, a little surprised to see who’s sitting on the white loveseat.

Tanith is flipping through one of those books that are on the bookshelf for pure decoration. From here, you recognize the pink cover like you received the book yesterday, when it’s been years. A gift from your then-district representative, the cover reads in nice script writing, ‘how to get used to your new wealth’. Written by some asshole inside of the Capitol.

“Riveting.” Tanith looks up from the book, eyes landing on you. But she freezes, “God--I’m sorry--”

She covers her eyes, and you can’t help to laugh, “Really?”

You walk past her, heading into the kitchen. You dig through the fridge, pulling out some fresh fruits that you’d bought yesterday from the store. On top of that, you pull out a few eggs too, pop bread into the toaster, spray some cooking butter onto the pan so the eggs won’t stick, and work away.

“I should have knocked instead of walking inside.” She says, “That’s my fault.”

You shrug, “I have no shame, not after my time in the Capitol.”

“I expect not.” you can hear the light scraping of the stool against the tile floor, “You really want to go back inside?”

After the games had been announced, all the victors in the district had gathered together to have their own little meeting. Cipher the people who didn’t want to go back in, and make the ones who did, known. The old were automatically ruled out either way, whether they wanted to go inside or not, they’re too delusional. Old age has rotten their brains, some can’t think straight anymore.

There had been a good handful of people that wanted to go back inside. The only problem was that everyone wanted to do it based on capabilities again. To keep you guys on top of the pyramid as usual. You can’t send in someone who would die off immediately. Thus, a competition started.

As time went on, people were slowly weaned out. Based off of strength, fighting capabilities, who still knew the edible plants, the medical knowledge. If you were able to still present well, with the cute dresses, the white smiles, the charming personalities.

It brought it down to only a couple of you. Sorcha, an older woman in her forties who’s fit even after all these years. She’s arrogant--even more than you--and mean. She’s self-driven, disregards most of the people that come across her. She started off as a Capitol favorite, but now they see her as a total bitch.

Daleka, in her thirties and a very skilled fighter. She won her games by being completely ruthless. Her personality is likable, the Capitol complained when she stopped visiting and mentoring all together. Has a wife and a kid she adopted from the foster care place.

You, of course. Only twenty-five, still seen as somewhat fresh off of the arena. Nine years may seem like a long time to others, but not to you. Along that time, other districts have won too. Like Annie from four and Johanna from seven, and your most recently hated, Katniss and Peeta from twelve. 

But that doesn’t take away from the fact that you’re one of the top three for the most recent out of the arena. First would be Zavian, next would be Tanith, and then it would be you. Everything is still very fresh in your mind, since you were the one that had mentored both Zavian and Tanith. What you’re saying is, you’re a perfect candidate.

Anyway, the final girl that had wanted to go in was Enobaria. A Capitol favorite, like most of you are. Fierce, confident. She got her teeth filed to be sharp because of her signature win of ripping a tribute’s throat out. Fun to be around, nowhere near bubbly like some people think.

And for the boys, the list was quite large, and you wouldn’t be able to name all of them on one hand. The whole point of this is, there could only be one girl and one boy sent in. Therefore, the competition narrowed it down for everyone, as the challenges progressively got harder.

For boys, Brutus won. Tall, bald, muscular. He’s in his forties, but he looks to be about late thirties instead. He’s cocky, a complete pain in the ass, and he would be difficult to fight. But he’s an ally that you can’t deny wouldn’t be good to have at your side.

And for girls, you won it. You practically blew Sorcha and Daleka out of the water. Enobaria was much more difficult to shake, though. She’d obviously continued studying even after her games. You might have been a softie back in the academy, but you were a quick learner, and all of it stuck like it’d been glued with superglue. 

The volunteer is yours to have. And if you chose to back out, there would be no harm in it. That’s why Enobaria is there, she’s the backup in case you were to choose to do something like that. However, you didn’t fight tooth and nail with a bunch of bullies just to quit it. You want that win.

“Yes,” you answer Tanith’s question, “I do. Afraid I won’t win?”

She snorts, “Hardly. I’m afraid that you’ll be a murder machine.”

You look over your shoulder at her, “Have you eaten yet?” 

“No,” she says, and with that, you serve her the eggs, toast and berries. After that, you slide her the butter for her toast, “Thank you.”

As you go back to cook your own breakfast, you smile down at it, “Obviously you haven’t watched my games.”

“I was fifteen.” she objects, “I watched them. What I mean, is that I’m afraid you’ll become a murdering machine again.”

“That’s what all the victors are, not just me. Look back at anyone’s games from this district and you’ll see that.” you pop a strawberry into your mouth, “And it’s not like there’s much to lose, either.”

“This big old house?” she proposes, “Me?”

Tanith has uncomfortably clung onto you like a parental figure. She came straight from the foster care herself, an orphan. Academy took her when she turned eight, because obviously no one would miss her. She was just as deadly as you were, when she turned seventeen. You hand picked her yourself, even though there were ‘better candidates’ for it.

She’s your first winner, like how Zavian is your second. You were sure to keep him out of the same games with Tanith, knowing that it would screw the whole system. You’re fond of them equally, but unlike Zavian--who was eager to get away from you as fast as possible--Tanith has stuck around.

Take today as one of the many examples.

“I like how the house was your first priority to say.”

“You speak about this place like it’s a home base.” she reasons, “You seem to like it more than me, what can I say?”

You go ahead and plate all of your food, turning off the stove but leaving the pan. If you put it under water so soon, the metal will warp from the temperature change, and ruin it. It won’t sit right ever again.

You stand opposite of Tanith, leaning against the counter as you eat, “I wouldn’t say I like it more than you, that seems like an overstatement.” you decide to change the conversation, bored of this one, “Should I be worried about anyone else coming to visit?”

“Enobaria was.” Tanith says, picking at her egg, “She wanted to come and be the one to harass you about volunteering. I told her that I’d take the blow.”

“Smart girl.” you say, stabbing your fork into your egg, walking as the yolk runs out, and straight to your toast. The berries are long gone, “Well, I guess she’ll find out when I volunteer.”

“What’s the point of it, anyway?” she asks, “I mean, you have everything you could have wanted, right?”

“You and I don’t think the same.” you say, “You remind me of myself, back when I was on my victory tour.”

She gives you a confused look, “Is that compliment?”

“I’m more or less calling you humble.”

“Thanks…”

“And mushy, you’re an overthinker. You like the simple things, you won and now you’re done, right? You’re not bothered by the fact that you’re just another face, another name among this crowd of victors.” you take your time eating between sentences, “Me, on the other hand--who would give up the opportunity to be a living legend?”

She hums, nodding a little bit, not knowing what to say. It’s a rhetorical question, there’s a ton of people that have passed on this. But the idea is way too tempting. Possibly double the cash, and you literally get put into the books for not surviving once, but twice? The Capitol citizens love you now, wait until later.

You finish your breakfast quickly, taking your and Tanith’s plate as you move over to the sink, running water over them. Next, you go ahead and place the pan in there too.

“I’ve got to get ready, are you sticking around?”

“I should report back to Enobaria.” Tanith says, you can hear the chair again, “I could come back later with Emi, if you want.”

“Whatever.” you say, heading towards the staircase, “Don’t worry about me too much, kid. I’m unbreakable so far.”

“So far.” She echos.

There’s no goodbye as you go up. By now, your hair is pretty dry. In the bathroom attached to your bedroom, you go ahead and get ready now. You brush your hair, blow dry only a little bit, and then straighten. When you’re done with that, you curl and hairspray.

By the time you’ve moved onto makeup, Tanith is back with Emi already. Emi is older than the both of you, but she has more experience when it comes to some things. She picks out the jewelry for you, and does some of the harder parts of your makeup. The both of them work together to get you into the dress, and then help with the shoes too.

Standing in front of the floor-length mirror, you double check everything, asking yourself if this is what you want. With a few more turns, you decide that you’re going to get praise for the outfit choice. The Capitol will be impressed with how dressed up you got for it. Others might see it as some joke.

You have about thirty minutes before the reaping, which is when you go to leave the house. It isn’t until you’ve stopped at the door, when you realize that you’re missing some sort of token. You tilt your head from side to side, trying to remember what you wore in your first games.

A necklace, wasn’t it? Given to you by your then-boyfriend. He later broke up with you because of your performance inside of the games, which he wasn’t expecting at all in the slightest. Because of this, you kept the necklace as a reminder, it’s tortuous, and you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing it now.

“What are you waiting for?” Emi finally asks.

“I need a token.” you tell her, still staring at the staircase, distracted.

“Earrings, necklace, bracelet…” Emi urges slightly, “Ring?”

“No.” you tell her, “Wait--yes for the necklace.”

Your hand finds it, already dangling around your neck. Another gift, Tanith. Some souvenir she had gotten from the Capitol during her visit after she won. This will please her.

“Never mind, it’s on me.”

You leave the house, closing the door with a slam, since it’s a bit shifty when it comes to closing. After that, you wait at the bottom of the steps with the other two, watching as people come out of their houses, one by one. In no time, you’re all walking towards the stage in one big herd.

“Not everyone can visit you, but I definitely will.” Tanith says, “In the departing room, I mean.”

“Sweet.” you look over all the district people who dressed up nicely, despite the fact that they’re not going to be the ones going in. You catch the attention of a few people because of your out. You wonder if they know deep down that it’s because you’re going to volunteer.

“Zavian even agreed too. It was supposed to be a surprise but I know how you feel about them.”

It’s like showing up uninvited. Like her being inside of your house without any prior warning. You guess that’s somewhat your fault too, since you hadn’t talked to anyone yesterday. You were too amped up about today. It’s funny to you, that you were allowed to feel excited yesterday, but so unmotivated today.

Maybe your soulmate was full of anxiety this morning.

“Wanna know something cool?” you ask Tanith.

“Sure.” She looks over at you, but you’re still staring off at everyone you pass.

“I think I actually do have a soulmate.” 

Tanith gasps, covering her mouth. You look over at her, confused by the reaction, until you realize that it was genuine excitement, “Really? That’s good news! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

You shrug, “Didn’t see it as important. Haven’t heard anything from them in a long time, so I thought they were as good as dead.”

“It’s good news.” Tanith looks happy for you, “I wish I’d come across mine already.”

She looks down at her wrist, running her finger over the words.

“You’ve got plenty of time.” you tell her.

“Says you. You were so worried about it.” Tanith says, and before you can object, she adds: “Come on, admit it already.”

You give an exasperated sigh, “I suppose.”

She smiles a bit.

Tanith helps you up the staircase to the stage, which almost looks brand new. It isn’t though, it’s just pristine clean. Unlike the other districts, two is highly loved. Which means that the entire district is rich, except for a select few who were born in the poorer part of the district to begin with.

It just means that everything looks nice. The stage is white, it hardly had dirty footprints. You watch as some comes across with a broom to brush off the dirt after everyone has stepped onto the stage.

District Two is practically a second Capitol.

This year, no one sits in chairs. The girls stand on the right, in the back stand the tallest, and the front stand the shortest. You’re fairly tall, you’re able to see over most people’s heads. Most of the girls in the district manage to be short anyway, it was just the genes that you inherited that allowed you to be tall.

You’re given an easy escape route, the same as Enobaria as a backup. If your name is called, no one is allowed to volunteer over you. However, if you don’t volunteer fast enough, then that leaves it up to grabs. There’s a whole list of people that are dying to be able to go back inside.

Two people sit in chairs, waiting for everyone to file in and get comfortable below the stage. The first is the governor, a woman you’re not that fond of. She got on your nerves back when you had won your games. Back then, you were taking a lot of trips to the Capitol to have work done on your body. She was getting irritated about it.

The second person that sits next to the governor, is the district representative. A short man with loud opinions. He’s one of those people that you wouldn’t mind being thrown inside of the arena with. He’d likely be torn apart like the tributes are a pack of wolves. 

He thinks of you guys as used tissues. There’s been a couple of times when you’ve gotten in his face because of what he said. Nearly shredded him right then and there in front of a few peacekeepers and tributes. If people think you’re scary normally, then they haven’t seen you angry.

It’s a disappointment that he is the district rep. You wish he would jump off a cliff and die. 

Once everyone is in their respective places, the governor gives her speech that she gives every year. It’s the one about the dark days, a required speech. In the group of girls, you whisper the words in harmony. After she wraps it up, the rep moves forward.

His name is Theo, a boring name. Unbearably common and simple. You thought the Capitol people were supposed to be extravagant. This man is a disappointment in more than one way, it turns out.

“Happy hunger games!” His voice is what you’d like to also describe as ‘average’. Not deep, not high pitched. Average, “Let’s start with ladies first, shall we?”

As if it’s a question any of you are allowed to answer. You know someone in this group--mainly Sorcha--is dying to yell back ‘actually no, we shall not’ just to see his reaction. Forget the tributes being seen as monkeys, the Capitol people’s reactions are just as entertaining.

He sticks his white-gloved hand into the bowl, spinning his finger around while he puckers his face. He’s likely thinking, ‘Which one looks the most presentable?’

‘It doesn’t matter!’ you want to yell back, ‘I’m volunteering either way!’

It’s building up unnecessary tension. You scowl, eyes glued to his hand as he finally picks a damn slip of paper. He pulls it out, his suit sleeve nearly clipping the mouth of the bowl, and goes back over to the expensive microphone. He pulls off the black tape, and reads over the name.

“Tanith Nuova!” he smiles widely, looking over towards the girl section.

How funny, your own tribute getting called out. It’s a sign. If you didn’t have your mind made up before, you do now.

“I volunteer!” your voice rings out, no one is surprised.

You slide out of the section of girls, along the way, Tanith holds out her hand, and you slap it for a high-five. A small smirk appears over your face as you gracefully go to where you need to stand. One look at the choir of girls, and you can see that you’re nowhere near out of place with how you’re dressed. Plenty of people look like they’re also ready to head back to the Capitol.

Theo doesn’t look too thrilled, his face puckers again as he heads to the microphone, “(Y/n) Rosecelli for our girl.”

He moves over to the boys now, doing the exact same thing that he did the first time. You glare at him out of annoyance. You manage to catch the eyes of Brutus to see he’s shifting on his feet, clearly fed up with this too.

Theo finally gets to the point of it, “Cobalt Struyk--”

He barely gets out the last name when Brutus’ voice overpowers him, “I volunteer.”

Brutus comes over, standing in front of the boys bowl. Theo, scowling and hinting at the beginning of a temper tantrum, motions to the two of you, not even bothering to introduce Brutus.

You hold your hand out for Brutus, and he gives you a smirk as he takes it. Once you have a hold of each other, you turn towards the cameras, holding up your intertwined fingers, a giant grin on the both of your faces.

Two volunteers, it’s unsurprising to the entire nation. They’re expecting volunteers, but they definitely weren’t anticipating those who would step forward.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our tributes for the Quarter Quell!” Theo says after he managed to pull himself together. He skips the bit about shaking hands, and the two of you are then escorted off of the stage.

You begin in the direction of the departing room, noticing how the peacekeepers follow you and Brutus tightly. By the time you get to the building, Tanith and Zavian are already there, in your room.

“What’s with them being so stuffy?” you ask once the door shuts behind you.

“I heard a few districts are getting out of hand.” Zavian leans on the arm of the couch, “I guess it’s better safe than sorry.”

Another reason why you don’t like that Katniss girl, look at the mess she’s made of everything. It was fine before she came along, fucked up the process. Should’ve gotten over the fact that both of them couldn’t win. It’s not like Peeta was a use anyway. Like you’ve said before, deadweight on her fragile, little girl shoulders.

“Well, this is goodbye.” Zavian says, “Thanks for mentoring me.”

Tanith elbows him, giving him a glare, “You could at least be a little sympathetic, douchebag.”

He raises his eyebrows, “That’s a new one, what else are you gonna call me?”

For a second, they’re staring at each other. And then, Tanith grabs her arm like it’s going to detach itself. You watch in awe as she holds it out, looking down at the words.

“Oh, this is unbelievable.” Tanith now looks like her arm can detach, “I’ve been paired with a moron.”

Zavian doesn’t look that phased, taking one look at his arm, and then shrugging. Almost like nothing that went on in front of you, actually happened, he looks at you again, “Good luck in there, you’ll need it. Twenty-three people to fend off? May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Tanith isn’t very good at brushing it off, but she knows her time is limited. She comes over, holding her arms out like a child. You hug her, for her own sake and squeeze her tightly.

“Will you actually use the necklace as a token?” she asks.

“Well, I need something.” you say, “It’s better than nothing.”

“I’ll be rooting for you.” She pulls away, “Thank you for being the greatest person, ever.”

“Cheesy, she hates it.” Zavian comments, laughing a little to himself, “Look at the look on her face.”

Tanith pretends not to hear him, “I know she’s not fond of affection but--” she backs away entirely, “--you should know that a lot of the victors do like you. Truly. Sorcha and a few of the other’s won’t say it, but they love you. We all do.”

You give her a smile, “Thanks.”

“I’ll send anything that you need.” she says, “Make plenty of allies. Be ruthless.”

She’s quoting you. Those are the exact words you said to her last, before she was off to the hovercraft. It’s funny how they’ve stuck with her this long. They must echo inside of her mind like an empty chamber.

“I will, I promise.” you take in a deep breath.

The doors open, “Time’s up, time for the train.”

You look over the two people that decided to visit you, and you open your arms one last time. Tanith comes over willingly, and it takes Zavian a moment before he realizes that it’s extended to him too.

“You two are my pride and joys. Two of my biggest achievements, really. I’ll be back soon, and then you guys can praise me all you want.”

“Get off of me.” Zavian laughs, pushing away now.

“Bye.” you tell them firmly, before turning around and heading towards the peacekeepers.

One of them presses their hand to your lower back, guiding you to the car where Theo and Brutus await. Theo goes in first, since he’s royalty. Next is you, and Brutus nearly weighs the entire car down when he steps inside.

Theo begins muttering about something, you’re not entirely sure if you’re supposed to be listening or not. You want to tell him to shut up, but Brutus beats you to it. Theo glares, you can see him mouth the word ‘ungrateful’ and then stares out of the window for the rest of the time.

When the ride is over, you purposely hold onto Brutus, making him wait, “Open the door for us, Theo.”

He looks over like you just insulted his mother, “Huh?”

“I said, open the door for us. This is our spotlight, after all.” you motion, “Go ahead, before the peacekeepers do it first.”

Brutus is smiling, and he pushes Theo towards the door forcefully. Theo doesn’t like this in the slightest, popping open the door, and holding it open for you and Brutus. Brutus lets you go first, and you step out of the car carefully, holding onto your dress.

Out of the car now, Theo leads you up to the train station. Around you guys are a bunch of peacekeepers still, getting you up to the platform, and then taking on an automatic position behind you guys.

You take your time, waving with a smile at the thought of the fact that the next time you’ll be here, you’re going to be a two-timed victor.

–

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