#messy bitch (affectionate) with poor coping mechanisms

[crocodilenjoyer]

oh my god. timeline ever.

nami pulls like six different favors and creates Pirate Civil Claims Court for the express purpose of trying to bleed the shit out of crocodile because she can. ultimate evil mob boss slash businessman vs scary-ass loan shark who can and will hit you with a lightning storm if she hears something she doesn’t like. two separate wars arise from this, and only one of them is the result of an opportunistic assassination attempt. in the end no one dies but oh boy as the bullshit enters the second month they all sure wish they did

crocodad is so so so so so so so fucking funny but most of the fan content around it SUCKS bc of this weird idea that crocodile would be nurturing as if he isn’t exactly the kind of guy that would be dodging at the speed of light any child support claims nami keeps sending cross guild… tsk tsk.

SKFNDNFC LITERALLYYYYY

i don’t care what oda said in that one sbs i really don’t think crocodile has a parental bone in his body. protective, maybe, of people and things he considers his own, but i think if you put him in a room with a child he’d only be capable of interacting with them like a small adult, if absolutely forced to interact with them at all. otherwise he is Leaving he is Gone.

(note that most of the people crocodile interacts with are wanted criminals. he is talking with this hypothetical kid like they’re both in The Biz.)

also this is definitely me projecting a little but i read a fic like this once and as a transmasc person who experiences visceral horror at even the idea of pregnancy, i think this goes double for like. a kid that he birthed. yeah parent-child connection etc etc but my favorite take on it is that crocodile didn’t realize he was pregnant until he was literally in labor, and he had the genuinely extremely reasonable and relatively measured reaction of flipping the fuck out, running to ivankov the second the kid was out of him, and then pulling a complete disappearing act.

children are also a major fiscal responsibility and he is Not About That.