#mersmporion

[az-the-all1um]

Orion: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them? Theo, watching Krit screaming, Faye trying to set a sleeping Nel on fire, and Moki choking on air: I don't know either.

[az-the-all1um]

Faye: We have a problem. Orion: Let me guess, you caused it? Moki: Gimme a sec, I'm not drunk enough to listen to this yet. Theo: And it's another Tuesday, your point? Nel: Would shooting you solve this problem? No? Then shut up. Krit: If you're mean the fire, that's our solution to last week's problem.

[az-the-all1um]

Krit: The floor is lava! Faye: *helps Theo onto the counter* Micah: *kicks Nel off the sofa* Orion: *lays on the floor* Krit: ...Are you okay? Orion: No.

[az-the-all1um]

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker* Theo: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know. Everyone: Krit: ...I did. I broke it. Theo: No. No you didn't. Moki? Moki: Don't look at me. Look at Faye. Faye: What?! I didn't break it. Moki: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken? Faye: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken. Moki: Suspicious. Faye: No, it's not! Micah: If it matters, probably not, but Orion was the last one to use it. Orion: Liar! I don't even drink that crap! Micah: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier? Orion: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Micah! Krit: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Theo. Theo: No! Who broke it!? Everyone: Micah: Theo... Moki's been awfully quiet. Moki: rEALLY?! *Everyone starts arguing* Theo, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. Theo: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Theo: Theo: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[az-the-all1um]

Theo: *fast-forwards all the way through the movie* Orion: You can't just skip to the happy ending! Theo: I don't have time for their problems.

[az-the-all1um]

Theo, to the Squad: I’d die for you. Moki: Then perish. Micah: You will. Krit: Please don’t. Orion: Cool. Nel: I’d die for you first.

[az-the-all1um]

Moki: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier. Moki: Violently practices. Faye: Violently studies. Krit: Violently sleeps. Micah: Violently shoots pictures. Theo: Violently boxes. Orion: Violently murders people. Krit: Violently worries about the previous statement.

[az-the-all1um]

Theo: Alright, who’s hogging the Netflix account? I’ve been locked out all week! Nel: Sucks to suck! I’m already on the 8th season of Friends! Faye: Not me. Theo: Don’t lie. I know it’s not Krit or Orion. Faye: It’s not me, really! Theo: … Faye: …But it might be Micah… Theo: You gave Micah access to our Netflix account!?!? Faye: They wanted to watch Orange is the New Black! Theo: I’m going to kill you.

[az-the-all1um]

Theo: Where is everyone? Orion: Krit had a nervous collapse, Micah is looking after them, Faye is trying to kill Nel, so I’m in charge. Theo: Oh my god! Orion: I know, right?

[az-the-all1um]

Orion: Christmas lights? Krit: Check. Nel: Thermos of hot cocoa? Krit: Check. Micah: Santa suits? Krit: Check. Theo: Shovel? Krit: Check. Faye: Alibi and bail money? Krit: Check- wait, WHAT?!