#merlin thought he was a monster thought arthur hated magic and therefore would hate him

[ladyofthelake]

#this is so true cause I was watching the moment of truth the other day#and obvs in that ep Merlin seriously considers telling Arthur about his magic#in fact he starts to tell him multiple times#so as early as S1 Merlin felt like they had developed enough of a bond that there was a chance that Arthur might accept him#and it made me wonder why we didnt get more episodes like that in later seasons#when Merlin was so close to telling Arthur not just because he was about to be found out anyway#but because he actually thought he might accept him#and I realised that it’s because nearly every time they got close to that point#something would happen to derail it#Merlin and Arthur spend years developing a beautiful relationship#but every once in a while something happens that sets Arthur’s attitude to magic back a few steps#and so Merlin is condemned to live another couple of years with his magic a secret#and the cycle continues#ofc that’s not to say that Arthur made no progress in his attitude to magic but moments like this is why it took so long imo#and honestly kinda fair enough? like obviously not saying he was right to dislike magic but we need to remember#he's literally been brought up to hate it not least cause it killed his mother#and then every time he questions that belief and starts to think that maybe it's not as evil as he once thought#he'll lose someone or something that will only work to reaffirm all his prior beliefs#like my man had to deconstruct an entire belief system that wasn't just gonna happen overnight#but poor merlin tags via wildernessofwater (they were way too good I had to reblog them)

“I am indebted to you, Merlin. I had become…confused. It is once again clear to me that those who practice magic are evil and dangerous.”

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Been thinking about what Mordred's life in Camelot would've been like if Merlin didn't hate him and then thought about how if Morgana was around she would probably always give him her favor at every tournament (until he married) and the other knights would tease him for that so have a broad outline for a Beloved Characters Dont Turn Evil AU

Morgana discovers her magic and Merlin swears to her that he'll protect her. He comforts her when she's scared and Merlin begs Gaius to share his knowledge and suspicions about Morgana to Morgana herself. One night Morgana bursts into their quarters in hysterics, waking them up, screaming and sobbing, and it feels like Merlin's hug is the only thing holding her together but its not enough. Glass starts shattering, candles flare, chandeliers fall to the ground. Gaius decides at this point not telling her will do considerable more harm than not, to both herself and others. They stay up through the night. Gaius speaking and Morgana asking questions, Merlin with a supportive hand on Morgana's shoulder. At one point Morgana tearfully asks the question Merlin asked Gaius long ago, "am i a monster?". They all fall asleep at the table, and that morning when Gwen arrives to wake Morgana only to find her absent with her blankets thrown over the bed and several things knocked over she runs and alerts the guards. The guards initiate lockdown and the commotion reaches Uther and wakes Arthur (Merlin is once again late), and they proceed to fear she was kidnapped right under their noses without anyone knowing. Arthur runs down to get Merlin so he can prepare him for the day only to open the door to find the three of them asleep on the table.

Later Merlin organizes for Morgana to learn more than Gaius can tell her from the Druids, but she intends to stay the night at least, if not then significantly longer (anywhere from a week to several months), and they have no good excuse for her to use that would allow her to leave without Gwen and guards. They come up with some very convoluted plan, which does not end up in the raid that occurred in canon, and when Gwen catches her sneaking back she lies and says she wanted to check up on Mordred (who she did run into), to see if he was with the Druid encampment that was rumored to be nearby (which he was). She didn't learn nearly as much as she hoped in those few hours, but they at least pointed her in a direction.

Morgause comes to town, and leaves Morgana her bracelet. After discovering it stops her visions Morgana takes it to Gaius, who reveals it was enchanted and looks similar to the one Lady Vivienne used to wear. Morgana states Morgause got it from her mother, but that Lady Vivienne was Morgana's mother and wonders how the bracelet ever got to Morgause. Gaius says there was a rumor that Lady Vivienne had a baby that displayed a affinity for magic, but Gorlois told Uther their baby had died before they even named her. Gaius reveals that the baby was smuggled out of Camelot and given to the High Priestesses, and Morgause might very well be that baby. Morgana begins to long for a connection with Morgause, to meet the sister she never knew of and recover something of her dead parents. When she begins secretly meeting Morgause, she tells Merlin and then asks him to come with her when she begins receiving lessons from her. Morgause tries to convince them that killing Uther is the right thing to do, but Merlin keeps reassuring Morgana that all they need to do is convince Arthur to change the law for when he is king, and he's not ready to do that now so theres no use in killing Uther before he's ready, and that she does love Uther and Uther does love her and would try to "fix" her well before he ordered her death. Morgause still wants him dead, to rush the prophecy of magic's return. Them sneaking out every few nights cements the idea that Morgana and Merlin are secretly dating in castle gossip.

Im not sure what happens with Morgause, but i think she would still take Camelot at some point and she would spare Morgana and by extension Merlin. Morgana and Merlin make sure to get Arthur out (and Merlin probably goes with him) because they dont trust Morgause to not kill him. Morgause reveals her heritage (and makes Morgana a Princess and her Heir) despite claiming the throne for people of magic and not the House of Gorlois, and the knowledge that Vivienne and one of her daughters were sorceresses leads Uther to believe he can not save Morgana from magic that is likely in her blood and THAT is what breaks his mental state. Morgana's real heritage is revealed soon after, with Uther informing Gaius that Morgana being a Princess is actually within her birth rights. Morgause continues Morgana's training because at some point Morgana has to become a High Priestess because canon. That or Morgause switches sides (this is a Beloved Characters Dont Go Evil AU might as well make it No Beloved Characters Are Evil AU) and she trains Morgana later after Arthur is a established King.

Morgause is overthrown and the Round Table formed. Arthur as well as several people in the castle know of or suspect Morgana of being a sorceress but he refuses to banish her, first believing it to have been out of her control (forced by Morgause) and later learning that her nightmares had been magic all along (how could he punish her for something he knows she had tried to get rid of for over a decade?). Perhaps he lets her keep the title of Princess, having always seen her as a sister (and someone who is compassionate for the people in a way royalty should be) and armed with the new knowledge of her being his actual sister. Everyone expects Regent Arthur to crack down on magic, its what Uther would have done and what the people want, so he does. Morgana becomes a advocate for magic, as she had been for Arthur in private as a Prince, and it scares people in the castle. They believe her to be working with Morgause, despite her arguments being for individuals' wellbeing and how punishments fuels hatred for Camelot. Several attempts are made on her life, many stopped by Merlin and Gwen and sometimes Lancelot. Arthur often "asks" Merlin for his opinion on magic and with Morgana's voice being public he feels okay with being straight with Arthur on what he thinks. Uther dies same as he did in canon: protecting Arthur from a assassination.

Mordred becomes a Knight because canon. Morgana is ecstatic to see him again and acts like a mother who hasn't seen her child in ages when she first sees him. Merlin has learned you often make the enemies that are destined to kill you (ex. trying to stop Morgana's visions from coming true) so he ignores Kilgharrah and doesn't hate Mordred (he is always wary though). Mordred alternates between childlike eagerness around the knights and following Merlin around while hero worshiping him (no one can figure out why. Their best guess is that Morgana is a mutual friend). In the beginning he kept messing up his name (calling him "Merlin" is just weird) and they often talk in their heads and therefore just stare at each other which has led to two conflicting rumors: theyre in love or they hate each other. Morgana often invites him to dinner, and when they dine with Arthur they easily slip into mind-talking (because chewing) and Arthur is convinced that they're making fun of him every time they do it. He protects Arthur when Merlin can't, often runs off to do side quests Merlin needs to do but cant get away to do, and often tags along with Merlin on his quests. Being able to share the knowledge of his destiny since Lancelot died (if he dies in this AU) relaxes Merlin's caution and allows him to be emotionally closer to him. Mordred enjoys being around Merlin and Morgana not just because he's Emrys and she's Morgana, but because they are the closest thing to home he has: they know what he is, they understand (bits) of his culture and make it possible for Mordred to share it with them, their individual magic sings strong enough to remind him of when he lived surrounded by it. He quickly grows to love them so very much and no one understands WHY. The knights tease him about it, and Morgana forcing Arthur to take Mordred on certain missions he isnt qualified for "so he can learn" does not help. Gwaine and Percival were planning to convince him that he couldnt compete in a tournament without a lady's favor because he's the rookie and his panicked look greatly amuses them only to find Morgana giving him her's before kissing his cheek. They were relentless after that, alternating between "lady's favors dont count if they're from your mom," "Mordred has a girlfriend," and whatever the medieval version of affectionately calling him "Bambi" is. Morgana sits in the stand's throne (since Arthur is competing) or besides it if Gwen is queen, and she flashes a smile at him when he comes out (Gwen too. He's a sweet kid with a baby face, of course he's one of her favorites. He also reminds her of Merlin when she first met him: kind, awkward, cute). This settles Mordred's nerves but has the unfortunate side effect of increased teasing. Merlin doesn't let it go to far, he never does, and gives them a distraction before running back to Arthur.

And then magic is brought back to the land and Morgana continues the work of the High Priestesses and helps the rebuilding efforts and they're still adventures and problems, but everyone Lives Happily Ever After

[wingletblackbird]

My Complicated Thoughts on Merlin

I started watching Merlin because I’d seen a lot of posts about it on Tumblr and heard good things. I struggled to watch it once we got to Season 4 though. I don’t think I have ever experienced such a love/hate relationship with a series in my life. I’ve tried to figure out why I have so many mixed feelings. Writing this post is cathartic, and has led me to the ultimate conclusion that I am in love with the potential of this show, but I don’t actually like what we were given. 

The Portrayal of Oppression/Morgana’s Arc:

Morgana’s arc could have been way more interesting, but they skip over too much important character development that we needed to see. In the beginning we see that Morgana opposes Uther’s cruelty. She is portrayed as being compassionate. We sympathize with her plight, especially once she discovered she has magic. 

This leads to an interesting moral dilemma. Should Morgana simply assassinate the king? Is Merlin’s long-game with Arthur more effective or moral? Uther is killing innocents. A revolution might be considered just. 

Instead, extremely rapidly, Morgana is played as the bad guy simply because she has decided to betray Camelot. We see her slaughtering innocent people herself when she becomes Queen. Why this transition to becoming like Uther but with magic so quickly? It made sense for her to want to assassinate Uther. That does not immediately make her evil. That needed to be more gradual. I saw the motivation for her hatred of Uther. But how she became evil, that is not portrayed well at all. 

We see hints of Morgana’s self-centeredness when she refuses to leave the Druids even knowing they’ll be slaughtered. Examine that streak. Show how a good cause can be corrupted by someone who becomes drunk on hate and power. The show tries, but it doesn’t quite get there. Show me that even a righteous cause can be led by a corrupted individual. 

Worse, the show does not show the nuance in any satisfying way. Show me that Morgana’s crusade against Uther and Arthur can actually be justified given that the law indicates that they would kill her and her kind. Morgana could legitimately consider Merlin a traitor. Her initial opposition to Uther is justified. He has committed and is committing genocide. Killing him could be seen as defense herself and other innocents. This could be opposed to Merlin’s bloodless coup, if you will. Which is the better option? What are the pros and cons?

And speaking of such oppressions, Merlin frees Freya and helps with Mordred. We really could have afforded to see more about how Merlin helps sorcerers escape, or about an underground network in general. How do they see Merlin? Do they hope he will influence the future king? Do they see him as a traitor? We see hints of this throughout the show such as with Gilli, but the writers never truly take it there. The story with Gilli ended up being about the corruption of power etc., and I liked it, but there was more to that story that needed to be addressed. Is it right or wrong for Merlin to defend Uther? Does it depend on the context? There are many times Merlin does that.

How Merlin Views Arthur:

Speaking of oppression, let’s talk about the effect it has on the psyche of Merlin. When we first meet Merlin, he has a strong moral compass, and confidence in his abilities. What he does not have is good self-esteem. He wonders if he’s a monster. He struggles because he is so powerful with something that is hated and can get him and his loved ones killed. Imagine the kind of fear that can creep into your soul when you have been watching people like you get executed since you were a child. Worse, you struggle to control your own abilities. You love your magic, maybe, but you also loathe yourself for the danger. 

Merlin, then, is a prime target for believing in Destiny. It’s nice to think he has a purpose in this after all. It is pretty clear that the Dragon is being manipulative. I don’t blame him after being trapped for decades. But Merlin is vulnerable and initially starts to protect Arthur because he needs to think he has a reason to be the way he is and is not a monster.

Having said that, I think we can say that Merlin does quickly come to love and respect Arthur. He believes that Arthur is a good man and will lead a good kingdom. All of these are good reasons to stay in his service. It is a good way to eventually show Arthur that magic can be good, to get a kingdom without oppression and the bloodshed of a revolution, and to protect a man he considers a friend. 

The problem with this is that by the end of the third season, Merlin’s double or triple motivation seems to narrow down in focus to simply protecting Arthur. Okay...but when are you going to have him see magic is good? I understand Merlin not being able to outright say anything because that might make him seem like a sympathizer, or just because of a lifetime of fear. But after all that subterfuge with Dragoon the Great and you can’t come up with a way to show magic doing something good without implicating yourself? Trust in Arthur’s character that you extol?

The fact is that by not revealing his magic to Arthur at the multiple different opportunities offered implies that Merlin does not in fact believe that Arthur is the man Merlin claims he is. I equally understand that growing up under that kind of oppression Merlin is not thinking straight. (Gaius does not help.) Furthermore, once you’ve risked your life to protect a man, it can become very hard to back out because you’ve already lost too much. It can also be hard to admit to secrecy after years of a relationship. But Merlin’s actions show that in the end, he does not trust Arthur, which is why he was supposed to have been protecting him. This suggests that Merlin is really just being emotionally manipulated. He has grown up in this oppression, and wants to believe his magic is good, and he has sacrificed too much, lost too much, at his point so he protects Arthur...even at the cost of other’s of his kind. 

If anything, Merlin goes from a kind-hearted boy who rescued people like Freya...to being willing to turn a blind eye to their suffering....!? Merlin goes from confident in the first season, with a clear moral compass...to being less so later on? When in theory, especially with Uther dead, he should be safer? More willing to take risks? 

There is another military aspect to consider as well. Morgana is a legitimate threat and without magic, Camelot cannot defend itself well. By not telling Arthur about his magic, or by not finding a way to make Arthur think about magic, Merlin is endangering everyone in Camelot. Arthur cannot defend his kingdom without the tools he needs. Merlin is now disrespecting his king, and making the decisions that are Arthur’s to make. How can Arthur command his armies without vital information? Merlin is powerful enough to be able to flee Camelot on the off chance Arthur tries to execute him. (In which case, maybe Merlin should join the other side.) He chooses to risk every life in Camelot rather than reveal his secret and help Arthur plan. That was acceptable for a minor coup when Morgana first took over. It’s not so great as the stakes progress.  Merlin was always willing to risk his life to do the right thing. And yet, when it counts the most, when Arthur is the one on the throne, he doesn’t?

This is never addressed in any satisfactory manner. 

Arthur’s Arc and Unfulfilled Expectations: 

This leads us to Arthur’s character arc. If Arthur’s character had shown Merlin the same respect in later seasons as in the first couple, I don’t think Merlin would have been placed in the position of having to truly betray his kind or indicate his trust in Arthur was wrong. Arthur even early in their relationship, like with Valiant, listens to Merlin. However, in later seasons, after so many years of faithful service, (and being right), Arthur is quick to dismiss him. (And then even that might get reversed in a dime...what are the writers thinking?) Of everyone from the knights to Gwen, Merlin is afforded the least recognition or respect it feels like at times.

Arthur also in the beginning showed concern for his friend. Additionally, he showed great concern in his own constipated way for Merlin’s feelings when he was down. Not so much in the later years... Why?

Moreover, has Arthur really learned to treat everyone as equals? Or only the one’s who have done something for him?

I don’t blame Arthur for his stance on magic much, because he has little reason to believe otherwise. However, in the earlier seasons we see him defying his father over things like killing Mordred, a child. Yet, in later seasons, he never seems able to step out of his father’s shadow. Never seems to truly realize how abysmal his father’s rule was. The Arthur of the early seasons ought to have grown enough to be able to do that, and therefore safely allow magic again. This does not happen. He is shown as being devastated by what he did to the druids...is this ever followed up on? 

This leads into unfulfilled expectations. Arthur was supposed to usher in a period of peace. Did he? No. And no matter what Kilgharrah says, I’m not buying it. If they had framed Kilgharrah as lying about that and manipulating poor Merlin for revenge, it would have made for a dreadful tragedy. As it is, it’s just a huge let down. If they had shown Merlin to be a tragic victim of oppression and manipulation who ended up not serving the man he thought he was...it would have been horrifying but interesting. As it is, I just hate it. 

Why would I want to watch someone who has been oppressed and threatened with death, lose everything to protect what he hoped would be his friend and his freedom, only to have to live with just being used? And be told that eventually, if you wait long enough, then you will have succeeded? That this was a good thing?! Is framed as a good thing? NO! I was sold a story about a man in a position of power being befriended by a man who has been oppressed. The man in power learns from his friend and becomes a man who helps liberate the oppressed. Together they create a better world. Eventually, the man in power dies tragically and we all cry. Instead I got this absolute garbage.  

I can see why Merlin’s fandom is so prolific. It is perfect for fanfic, because we have an interesting premise and interesting characters, but god-awful canon-writing. BBC Merlin is garbage with potential. 

[supercalvin]

I love all your ficlets and stories! It honestly makes me very happy reading what you wrote. Was wondering for a prompt if you can do Immortal Merlin fighting for queer rights. Not really a set period i had in mind i just always imagined Merlin would be front row to a lot of the protest and riots. Arthur and or leon could be there to!! I like imagining leon is also immortal and hangs with merlin every other century. Thank you for the amazing stories!!

Whoops it’s been a hot minute since I got this prompt. A lot has happened since I wrote this, so first of all, Happy Pride! Second of all, with all the riots (the heart of which are happening literally just down the street from me) I wanted to say that black trans women were the heart and soul of the queer movement in the U.S. so therefore: Black Lives Matter, Queer Power, and Trans Rights. Hell yeah.

CW/TW: Mentions of the AIDS Crisis

Prompts + Ficlets

***

“You’ll be alright on your own?” Merlin had asked for what had felt like the hundredth time.

Arthur had wanted to be insulted that Merlin thought so little of him, but to be fair, Merlin had had to teach him the ways of the modern world. And although Arthur had been back for almost a year now, Merlin hadn’t left his side for more than a few hours since he had emerged from the lake.

Magic wasn’t as common in the world as it had once been, but over the years Merlin had created a network of magical people. He taught them what he knew and put them in contact with each other. Merlin had gotten a call from one pupil who had accidentally cursed themselves while practicing and had called Merlin in a panic.

“Don’t be ridiculous. Go!” Arthur had said, ushering Merlin out the door.

“It should only take a couple days at most,” Merlin said, looking like he would rather not leave Arthur alone. “I could call Leon.”

“Don’t be absurd. Leon is a ten-hour flight away. By the time he gets here, you’ll be back.” Arthur had rolled his eyes, “I’ll be glad for some peace and quiet for once. Go.”

Now, it was the evening of the second day, and Merlin had called him to let him know he would be back tomorrow morning. Arthur hadn’t been worried, but Merlin seemed relieved that everything was still the same back in their London apartment.

Arthur had found that the problem wasn’t so much an issue of taking care of himself, it was the boredom.  It wasn’t that he needed Merlin to entertain him, he wasn’t a child no matter what Merlin said, but he found that he rather enjoyed doing things, especially new things, with Merlin.

That night, out of sheer boredom, he found himself in Merlin’s room, shuffling through some of Merlin’s mementos. He had piles of knick-knacks from hundreds of lifetimes. Merlin had moved around a lot, so he didn’t have large objects, or really anything that seemed outwardly important. On the desk, there was a small silver brooch. The bookshelf had piles and piles of manuscripts, leather bound novels, and hand-written journals, all of which were in dozens of languages. At the foot of Merlin’s bed there was a chest, which Arthur had never seen Merlin open before. Under normal circumstances he wouldn’t riffle through his friend’s things, but a long time ago Merlin had agreed that Arthur was allowed to riffle and ask about all his knick-knacks. They had decided that secrets were a thing of the past for them.

Arthur opened the chest, not expecting to find much. It was filed with an assortment of things, the first that caught Arthur’s eye was a grimoire written in the language of the Old Religion. It was probably the last of its kind. Below there was a small box wrapped in what appeared to be one of Merlin’s old tunics from Camelot. Inside the box was his mother’s sigil. It was worn, and as Arthur ran his thumb over the dove, he could almost feel the warmth of the fire when he had handed it to Merlin that night so many years ago now. He carefully set them aside.

The chest was filled with odd trinkets. There was a tube, inside of which Arthur found a rolled piece of canvas. He unfurled the painting to find a watercolor of Merlin, looking as if he had just rolled out of bed in a puffy white undershirt and a casual smile.

There were stacks of envelopes tied together with string. Arthur peaked at a few, noting that most of them were fairly recent, from the 1980s. The writing was messy and frantic. Arthur couldn’t read most of it, but he saw that the letters were from a man in the United States, living in New York City.

There was a box of photographs, ranging from what appeared to be old daguerreotypes to polaroid pictures. Arthur flipped through them. Most of them were groups of men standing together. Some were blurry night shots, but Arthur could still see men with painted faces and women dressed in suits. Others showed masses of people marching. One image showed Merlin leaning against a brick wall in a white shirt tucked into cuffed jeans. In his hand was a large black sign with a single pink triangle with white block letters that read, “Queer Power.”

Arthur spent the rest of the evening examining the photographs and reading through the letters. They were from people Merlin had met over the years. Most weren’t labeled so Arthur had to put the pieces together himself. The daguerreotypes were from a gentleman’s club in the late 19th century. The string bound letters were from a young man, talking of a disease that was spreading like wildfire through the city. The photograph of Merlin with the sign had a date on it, and with a little help of the internet, Arthur figured out that it was a snapshot right before a huge riot in London.

Part of him had known that Merlin didn’t care about gender when it came to love. In Camelot Merlin had never mentioned anyone by name, but that didn’t mean Arthur didn’t know Merlin had spent time with men and women alike. Over the past year it felt like Merlin had recounted most of his life after Camelot, but it appears he had left out this piece of the puzzle.

Merlin had always been stubborn, strong, and determined to fight for those in need. Merlin had told Arthur that while he was ‘away’ Merlin had travelled the world helping those that he could. The world was always in need of a physician, he had told Arthur. But he had never mentioned this. They had promised no more secrets, but Arthur supposed that even after a year, there would still be more stories for Merlin to tell.

***

By the time Merlin returned from his trip, Arthur had neatly put everything back to its proper place. He decided this information needed more research and luckily, Arthur had his own laptop once Merlin discovered it was a lot easier to explain the internet than everything that had happened over the course of a thousand years.

“Can I ask you something?”

Merlin was drying the dishes, but he looked over his shoulder to Arthur, who was sitting at the kitchen table, laptop open with several tabs open on articles about queer history, human rights, and UK law.

Merlin hummed an affirmative, turning back to the dish rack.

“Who was Ian?”

Merlin drops the glass he was drying but it doesn’t break, and Arthur can tell that’s only because it splashed back into the soapy water instead of the floor.

Merlin stops and Arthur watched the tension in his shoulder. “You saw the letters?”

“You said it was alright if I looked around.”

“I know,” Merlin said, obviously restraining himself. Arthur didn’t know if he was angry or just vulnerable.

“Was he…?” Arthur hated how he couldn’t get out the words. A green monster was stirring in his stomach, which wasn’t fair. Arthur didn’t have a claim on Merlin. Even if he did, the man was left to roam the Earth for hundreds of years, he was allowed a lover or two.

“I was travelling, and New York was a hot spot of people in need at the time,” Merlin said, “He was a teacher. He’d recently gotten fired when the school found out he was gay. I met him at a gay bar. He was…” Merlin stopped and Arthur could tell he wasn’t able to say much more.

“Did he make it?”

Merlin shook his head.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur said, his throat tight. “Did you love him?”

“In a way. When you get to be as old as I am, you love a lot of different people in a lot of different ways.” Merlin sighed and Arthur saw him wipe away a small tear. Merlin’s heart had to be as big as the sea. He had love in his heart for everyone he met, a tear for everyone he lost.

Arthur stood up, not taking time to think. He slipped behind Merlin and wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing his face into Merlin’s neck. Merlin’s back was stiff for a second and Arthur felt his breath stutter in his chest. Merlin’s hands were wet as they came to rest on Arthur’s forearms, which were firmly wrapped around his middle.

“Camelot was different. No one minded two men living together,” Merlin’s voice was just a breath, barely audible. “Things changed.”

“But you didn’t,” Arthur said, noticing Merlin’s shiver when he spoke against his neck.

“Arthur…What are you doing?”

“I’ve been told it’s a hug,” Arthur said, trying to lighten the mood.

“Arthur,” Merlin turned his head to look at him, his eyes a mix of annoyed and maybe a hint of fear.

Arthur swallowed down the emotion that rose in his throat, “I’m sorry you had to watch the people you love die. I’m sorry you had to watch me die.”

“Don’t ever apologize for that,” Merlin turned in his arms, gripping Arthur’s arm with a tight hand. “By the gods, don’t ever apologize for letting me have those moments. You gave me your last moments, Arthur.”

Arthur rested his forehead against Merlin’s, and for a long time they just breathed in together.

Merlin reached up and tucked some of Arthur’s hair behind his ear, “I know I never said it, but I love you.”

Arthur smiled, “That’s because you didn’t need to say it.”

“Ass,” Merlin smiled. “I don’t know if I want to punch you or kiss you.”

“It’s a tossup, I suppose.” Arthur said, leaning in to give Merlin a kiss on the corner of his mouth, linger just long enough to feel Merlin’s gasp. “I love you too, if that wasn’t obvious, either.”

***

Prompts + Ficlets

[intothewickedwood]

Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 5x01 The Dark Swan

Here we go. Not looking forward to this season. This episodes quite good actually, probably the best of the arc. Love the Zelena and Emma scenes. It was a pretty good set up but then afterwards there was just so much wasted potential. 

I haven’t seen the Sword in the Stone in years! It’s a good movie. 

Merlin’s being creepy as hell. And then he freaking disappears. That would have shook me!

Was Merlin in a tree at this point and astral projecting? Or did he actually travel to the Land Without Magic?

Does it really matter if Excalibur isn’t whole though? Does it really?

Wait, Snow just said the darkness was gonna kill Regina. How does she know that? I mean, yes, it sadly killed the Sorcerer’s Apprentice but how do they know that it wouldn’t have just turned Regina dark, like Emma.

Listen, usually I like a man with long hair but the urge to cut Killian’s hair throughout this whole season consumes me every time. I may shout “cut your hair!” At random intervals, but I assure you, I cannot control myself.

How comes Emma came out of that vault as the ink Monster from Scooby Doo, whilst Rumple just stayed where he was and transformed instantly? 

Why is she randomly dressed like that? This does not line up with what we saw happen to Rumple. Very inconsistent.

So did Rumple have Zoso in his head when he first transformed? 

How in the frick frack did Dark One Pumba stab the previous dark one with its trotters??

Oh, he’s still alive?

In that wand is all of the light magic? Ever?

I don’t like the design of that wand. It looks like there’s a mini brain at the end of it.

Remember later on when they pull that absolute bullcrap out of nowhere and suddenly Regina can wield that wand. She says it’s because she didn’t believe in herself before and that she was powerful enough to use it but he just said it had to be wielded by someone with dark enough magic?? So did Regina just not believe in her darkness enough or what?

And apparently she can’t use it at that point because she’s done too much good. So did she balance it out by doing too much evil afterwards or something?

How can that be darkness when Emma didn’t even know she was doing it?

Zelena meditating. You can’t go wrong with a little meditation!

Zelena, please don’t touch him.

I quite like Merida. I’d like her more if I didn’t associate her with this season.

Emma doesn’t consider herself a witch? Even with all the magic she’s used in the past?

Yes you are still a kid, Henry. Why do kids always say that?

Lol. Merida tripped!

Imagine not being able to sleep, ever!

Lol Merida’s face when she hears Emma talking to herself about betraying her. She’s like, wtf have I got myself into.

That’s a huge ass drink Henry’s got there!

Did Henry just admit to stealing his Mom’s money?

Well, I doubt he could have drunk all that juice anyway.

If Killian were to rip out Zelena’s heart with his hook, wouldn’t that impale it and therefore kill her?? Or maybe it’s like how Regina could split Snow’s heart in half without killing her. Maybe only crushing it kills people.

Zelena: “Do you want to see something really painful.” No I freaking don’t!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

Wtf is wrong with you Zelena??! She’s lost all her bananas. There are just none left.

That must have hurt like hell!! Why would you do that?!!

Please don’t kiss.

“Over the rainbow, where you can’t follow.” Love that line!

How can they redirect the portal if Zelena directed it to go to Oz when opening it? So many plot holes this season.

Scottish Rumple commenting saying he can’t understand Merida’s Scottish accent. Wtf? Lol.

Lol. Charming telling Zelena not to move when she’s tied to a chair without use of magic.

Someone better be making sure Zelena’s chair doesn’t topple over!

Was it really a good idea to take the baby and little Roly??

Aww, Henry protecting Roly!

Oh gosh. Poor Emma is going through it! 

Poor Merida!

Why did they have to go to Camelot. I hate Camelot! It’s just not an interesting place compared to the EF, Neverland, Wonderland or Oz. Why couldn’t they have just gone to the normal EF or Wonderland! Wonderland would have been really fun!

What do you mean this has to be her choice??! Merida’s life is on the line here! She’s not a toy! That’s not very heroic! 

Yeah, why isn’t she scaley? Honestly that would have been better than the white hair look. 

I really dislike Arthur. He’s like the character I hate the most. 

Why is Sneezy dressed like Emma? 

Oh my God! Is the baby okay on the floor like that??!

The whole curse and memories thing probably should have been left alone, at least after s3.

Now for the most stupid, out of place outfit ever. I hate her Dark One outfit with a burning passion. She looks so ridiculous!! I remember seeing fan art pre-season 5 of Dark One Emma and she looked so much better! Give her a load of eyeliner, a fancy black dress, make her hair unruly and that’s all you need! Not this though. For the love of God, not this. Every time I look at her I want to burst out laughing or crying at how much I hate it.

She looks so stupid.

Who the hell is Sneezy supposed to be? What the hell are you supposed to be, Emma??!

Why is she being mean to her family and turning Sneezy to stone? I’ve forgotten. I thought she just wanted to save Killian.

And she walks so stupidly and moves so stupidly. This season is gonna drive me up the wall! So much wasted potential. Was really looking forward to Dark One Emma initially. It could have been so much better if they gave her a better look, scrapped going to Camelot, made her do eviller things for better reasons, made her more formidable and just didn’t have her talk and walk in that ridiculous way. Her darkness should have been driven by her emotions, especially her anger about her upbringing or something new.