#mention she's dating to anyone despite the fact that she's told everyone separately and then told them not to tell

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

roiling with hatred for a blond man

[dollysilena]

TRAINING WHEELS

CHAPTER THREE | BABY ON BOARD

ao3 | series masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

five years ago, you stupidly had a fling with inarizaki athlete, miya atsumu– now, present day– he had a son he knew nothing about. you made sure it was going to stay that way, but as fate would have it, he unexpectedly stumbled back into your lives, now as volleyball’s biggest star.

wc & notes: 3.5k — this chapter was originally going to be 7k+ words, but for my own sanity during editing i decided to split it in two different chapters instead! i also thought it would be easier to read in separate chapters instead of just one really condensed one so pls forgive me 🗿

The past twelve hours had been a whirlwind for Miya Atsumu.

His day started late, but not out of his own fault! He swore it. It was just because his alarm clock didn’t go off. At least that’s what he told Coach Foster when he walked into practice late with a Starbucks frappuccino. But hey, at least he got one for everyone right? The team nutritionist yelled at him later for it because sugar wasn’t on the regiment, especially with the V-League season so soon. Hinata gladly slurped down the drink though, which consequently sent him into a sugar rush later. And once that happened, their coach chewed out Atsumu for the ginger’s erratic playing. It seemed like the scolding was neverending, but he shook it off as practice continued. He thought that the rest of the day was going to go on without any more hitches, up until he got a call from his brother. 

“She’s here right now with a kid. He’s four years old, and I don’t think the fact he looks like ya is a coincidence.”

The air stilled, and despite the clamor and ruckus of the gym around him, all Atsumu heard was the ringing in his ears and the silence on Osamu’s end. A kid?

There was no way. Osamu was just messing with him, right? It was just a prank, Suna or one of their friends probably put him up to it. There’s no way that… that he actually… He thought of you, something his mind hadn’t crossed paths with in awhile. You were just a girl who left him high and dry five years ago… without a word. He wanted to tell himself he wasn’t convinced, but something lurching in his stomach told him otherwise.

The denial didn’t stop Atsumu from abruptly running out of practice. He would deal with what the coaches had to say later.

FIVE YEARS AGO — INARIZAKI HIGH SCHOOL

“What’s up with ya?” Atsumu questioned, slumping down on the seat infront of your desk as he faced yours. “Yer acting funny, ya sick or something?”

Atsumu couldn’t care less about the fact he was bothering you in the middle of class, all he could think about is how weird you’ve been acting with him. He thought things were going good with you over the past few weeks, maybe a little too good considering you both… He shook it off. You’ve been acting odd all week, suddenly barely sparing him a glance. Despite the fact you both weren’t dating, he had to admit it was bugging him more than it should’ve.

“What makes you say that?” You responded, almost defensively. You didn’t look up from your math worksheet, and to anyone else, it would just look like you were focused on your work, but Atsumu knew you were distracted, you hadn’t moved from the same problem for over ten minutes. 

“Well, ya barely have been talking to me this week first of all,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “And not to mention one of your friends told me you went home early yesterday because of food poisoning.” He didn’t mean to reveal that he had been asking around about you, but you didn’t seem to linger on it.

You fiddled with the pencil on your desk, clearly avoiding his eyes. “Why does it matter to you? It’s none of your business, Miya.”

Miya? Harsh.

“And here I thought ya liked me!” Atsumu replied, melodramatically clutching his chest as if he were wounded, albeit, his ego was admittedly a little bruised. “Of course what my girl does matters to me.”

You couldn’t help yourself from cracking a smile, and Atsumu considered it a victory. 

“We’re not even dating, we met a couple weeks ago,” you replied, shaking your head. 

Atsumu rolled his eyes. Though, you were right, you had never made anything official. It was all just harmless fun, right? 

“That didn’t seem to matter when we–”

“Be quiet!” you hissed in embarrassment. Atsumu smirked when he noticed how flustered you got. When you realized Atsumu wasn’t going to let up, you gave him another sigh. 

“I think I’m just not feeling well, probably a stomach bug or something.”

“Blegh!” Atsumu replied, sticking out his tongue. “Well don’t give it to me!”

You bore a small grin at him. Atsumu smiled back, happy that he was at least able to make you feel a little better that day.

He didn’t think that would be the last time he ever saw you.

He was going to walk you home that day and he even considered finally formally asking you out. Granted, he probably should have done that before the… bathroom incident, but he digressed. He went to your classroom later only to find your desk empty. Your classmates already said you left and he shrugged it off. He would just wait until the next day.

Then you were absent the next day, and the day after.

 It wasn’t until a whole week had passed where he felt himself starting to get worried.

You weren’t answering his texts, and after awhile, they didn’t even deliver anymore. He thought things were going well, at least to him they were… Whatever, he wasn’t going to let it get to him. If you didn’t want to talk to him anymore, so be it, it wasn’t his problem. People walked out on him all the time. He repeated it like a mantra, whatever, whatever, whatever.

But it doesn’t stop him from thinking.

As the days progressed, he felt himself plunging deeper into his doubtful thoughts.  You weren’t avoiding him on purpose were you? He didn’t realize how much it was getting to him until he missed practically every set during practice because he was too busy thinking of your smile at him instead of where Osamu’s hand was. He was tired of it, he finally decided he wasn’t going to wait for you to show up. He would get the answers himself.

Afterschool, he followed the trek to your house and stirred silently. Why was he even bothered this much about some girl he barely knew? You weren’t the first girl he was with, and he didn’t plan for you to be the last. So why was it bothering him so much? He wasn’t sure why, but it crept up his spine like a chill. 

Miya Atsumu isn’t someone you can leave, he’s always made sure of it. He’s never the one left behind. He doesn’t want to be. 

He stood on your doorstep, deliberating with himself if it was even worth it. But he didn’t come all this way for nothing. Even if you told him to get lost, atleast it would put an end to his endless lamenting. It would be better than having you plague him like a damn fever. He knocked.

He doesn’t expect your mother to answer.

“What do ya mean she moved?” Atsumu asked in disbelief.

“She’s gone to live with her grandmother in Kagawa,” your mother stated firmly. “I don’t think you’ll be seeing her anytime soon.”

Before Atsumu could pry for any other details, your mother spoke again.

“Don’t ever come back to this house.”

Then the door was slammed in his face.

PRESENT DAY

Despite his best attempts at staying in denial, he realized that all the signs were there. You were getting sick, avoiding him, your sudden disappearance. He should have known something was wrong when your mother forbade him from coming back without a reason. His mind was a flurry as he rushed through the streets of Osaka. The little voice in the back of his head that was saying it was impossible was getting flooded out, it was entirely too possible. 

In his rush inside Onigiri Miya, he was met with a body crashing into him. He looked down to see a horrified face infront of him, it’s yours. And in your arms, an unassuming boy that looked indisputably like him. A moment passed, as if the world stopped spinning on its axis. The panic seemed to be flooding out of your body and into the room. His mouth felt dry and whatever was spinning through his mind was suddenly a standstill. His gaze followed back to the boy, and his heart lurched.

There was no doubt about it, he had a son.

Even if you hadn’t told him, Atsumu could instinctively already tell, something in his gut just knew. He shared his smile, his brown eyes, and even his naturally dark hair that swept in the same way Atsumu’s did when he was that age. There was a piece of him out there, and he didn’t know all these years.

He barely choked out, “could we talk?”

While you both spoke at the table together, and as he gazed at Haru playing with Osamu and your friend not far away, he found himself wondering so many questions. What had Haru looked like when he was a baby? What was he like? Was he more energetic and lively like him? Or more quiet and reserved like his brother was? Was anyone there to help you through the pregnancy? What were his first words? Did he ever ask about him once he was old enough to understand what a father was?

“Atsumu, you realize what you’re asking right? You’re agreeing to be a father, which you just found out right now of all things. It’s a commitment, no take backsies.”

He knew he should’ve weighed the circumstances more, you were right after all, it was a commitment, a life-long one. Not to mention he barely found out an hour ago. Did he even know how to be a father? Infact, Atsumu hadn’t even considered kids in his life yet. He thought he had a long time before he thought he ever had to make that decision.

He thought about Haru, and how for years, he didn’t grow up with a father. His jaw hardened. Four years was too long for him to be absent. He couldn’t just… walk out. When he looked at Haru, he couldn’t possibly think of going on with living his life while knowing his son was out there. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

After your talk and once the situation was settled, atleast as much as it could be, Atsumu had offered to walk you home for the night. You decided to opt out of the company party you were attending for obvious reasons, and Naomi made sure to pass the news on to your boss about a “family emergency”.

 Now there he was, walking down the streets with his ex highschool fling, and his child. Whoever said life worked in unexpected ways, he wasn’t quite imagining this.

You both walked in silence, with Haru in your arms as he slept soundly. Atsumu wasn’t sure what to say, or if he even wanted to break the silence, so he kept quiet. Throughout the walk, he found himself stealing glances at you, and it felt as if he were meeting you all over again. You obviously weren’t the same girl he knew all those years ago. You held yourself up with a maturity he felt like he couldn’t match. Unlike him, sometimes he still felt like the clumsy kid he was in highschool. Maturity was something he always seemed to lack. His friends and brother always made sure to remind him of that whenever he behaved so. 

He looked down at Haru, still fast asleep. He imagined it was well past his bedtime now. You stifled a yawn as you carried the small boy, the tiredness seemed to be contagious. He saw your shoulders beginning to sag, and Atsumu realized you had been carrying him for the better portion of the walk.

“Here, let me take him,” he offered. “You’re tired.”

You looked up at him, with a raised eyebrow. “Have you held a kid before?”

He felt himself pause. Had he held a kid before? There were a few times at family reunions where he held the children of distant family members but that had all been for mere seconds before another family member scooped them up. He remembered how his mom was able to hold him and his brother at once for hours on end, how hard could it be?

“No, but I want to try seeing as I have one now.”

You laughed and extended Haru out to Atsumu, who gently took the boy as if he were made of porcelain. Haru shifted in his sleep, but comfortably adjusted into the setter’s arms.

He heard your laugh beside him and he immediately stiffened up. Had he done something wrong?

“He’s not a volleyball,” you chuckled, “hold him up from here.” You went to adjust Atsumu’s position and pushed up his arm so Haru’s weight could rest on it. He felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment, apparently it was harder than he thought.

“Good,” you replied, patting his arm, and he had to stop himself from blushing when he felt your fingers brushing his arm. “Now just keep him there.”

Atsumu nodded as you continued your walk. It’s then that the thought hit him—when he was finally holding Haru in his arms—that he's his. 

His arms instinctively held Haru tighter. No, he couldn’t be doubtful now. There was too much on the line and too much time lost. Unlike the past four years, he swore that he would be there from now on, no matter what.

You both rounded the corner before you got to your apartment complex, a smaller building in the quieter part of the city. You both had lived here all this time, and he didn’t know. Had he ever walked down this street unknowingly?

“This is us,” you stated, gesturing to the building. He felt himself trying to come up with something to say, but nothing came out. He just knew he didn’t want the night to end, there was still so much he had to know.

“Would you like to come in for a bit? I have some pictures of Haru I could show you.” You asked, and it was like you read his mind.

“I would like that.”

He followed you inside and into the elevator where you led him to your apartment. You flicked on the lights and Atsumu glanced around. He looked around and saw Haru’s toys laying about, pictures of the two of you framed around the home, he even spotted Haru’s homework still strewn out on the coffee table. You both crept inside, careful to be quiet as to not wake Haru. You led him down a hallway and opened a door to what he presumed was Haru’s room, and ushered him inside. 

Atsumu carried the boy inside his room, and looked around. He saw his drawings framed along the walls, toys, stuffed animals, and noticed a volleyball near his toy trunk. He made a mental note to ask Haru about that later. He padded over to the bed, and set him down so he was laying. You came up beside him, and tucked the covers over him before kissing his forehead. 

He realized this was the first time he was putting his son to sleep. Was this what having a family was like?

You both quietly exited the room, making sure to close Haru’s door so he wasn’t disturbed by you both outside.

“I can make us some tea,” you said, as he nodded. He didn’t even really like tea, he was just glad he could stay. He followed you to the kitchen, where he took a seat at the kitchen island while you put the kettle on the stove.

“Is it just ya two here?” He asked, looking around. You had some pictures framed up, as well as some photographs hung on the fridge which he could see. But from what he could tell, it was only you, Haru, and sometimes Naomi in the photos.

“Yup,” you responded, pulling out two mugs from the cabinet above you. “Since Haru was born, really.”

Atsumu felt his heart in his stomach. “Even when ya were pregnant?”

Atsumu saw you still, and he hoped he didn’t open an old wound. He scolded himself for not being more sensitive, and letting his own curiosity get the better of him. 

“When I told my parents, they kicked me out,” you stated bluntly, putting the tea bags in the cups. “They sent me to live with my grandmother, who was amazingly supportive, but she died before Haru was born, so since then it was just us.”

Atsumu was silent, he wasn't sure what to say. I’m sorry? I’m sorry that I wasn’t there? But that wasn’t enough, it didn’t change what you had to go through. The thought of you being in that delivery room by yourself only added onto the guilt on his shoulders, and his heart sank even further when he realized you had to do everything else alone too.

“Atleast Haru’s birth was quick!” You joked, a smile beaming on your face. Despite all that, you were still… positive? Atsumu was in disbelief, he probably couldn’t go through a fraction of what you had and still manage to put on a brave front. He always got into a mood, as Osamu called it, even at the smallest of inconveniences. You pushed a cup of tea towards him which he took graciously.

“Yer amazing,” he said in awe.

“It’s just tea,” you laughed, blowing on your cup. Atsumu shook his head.

“No,” he responded. “For everything. For what ya had to go through, and what you’ve done for Haru. And at eighteen? Osamu was still packing my lunches when I was that age.”

You laughed in response and it made his cheeks warm. He liked the sound, he thought.

“Let me get those photo albums I was talking about,” you said before walking into another room. You came back a few minutes later holding a few photo books.

 “Do you wanna start with the first one?” You asked, holding one out.

Atsumu eagerly nodded as he took the dusty blue album, decorated with ribbons and stickers. He could tell you had decorated it yourself. It showcased a picture of you holding a newborn Haru in the hospital. The picture almost made Atsumu frown, knowing you were by yourself that day, but he ended up smiling seeing how proudly you beamed holding the baby. He opened the book and inspected inside.

There was a sonogram of each phase Haru was in during your pregnancy, and eventually a few photos of Haru being born in the hospital. He saw the tiny notes you wrote besides the pictures, and his mouth grew agape when he saw 3.68kg written next one of Haru’s pictures.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, noticing his expression. “He was a big baby, I guess since his dad’s a pro athlete and everything.”

His face grew more horrified and he almost wanted to apologize. He apologize to his mom too considering she had twins. Then another picture caught his attention.

 “Hey, what’s this one?” He asked, pointing to another photo.

He pointed towards a picture that looked somewhat recent, he could tell since Haru seemed to be almost the same age in the picture as he was now. It was of you in a graduation cap and gown holding up Haru proudly who looked like he was cheering. It definitely wasn’t your high school graduation since Haru was in it.

“Oh, that’s when I graduated from university last year.”

“Ya completed university?” Atsumu asked in astonishment.

“Yeah,” you grinned. “Pretty proud of myself. I was working two jobs and had to take night classes for a couple years but I ended up getting my degree finally a few months ago, then I got a great job at the firm I’m at now.”

No, you’re not just amazing, you’re phenomenal.

The rest of the night was filled with you and Atsumu looking over Haru’s pictures, some of his favorites being Haru’s second birthday where he had cake painted across his face from where he tried to eat his birthday cake face-first, his first day of preschool (which he found out he started this year), and one of you and Haru at a festival with matching daifuku in hand. He made a mental note to take you both when he saw how brightly you both smiled. Whenever he wasn’t looking at the photos, he was paying attention to you. He was getting to know you again.

“It’s getting late,” you yawned. “I have work tomorrow, and I probably have to explain why I missed the party tonight.”

Atsumu groaned. “That reminds me, I have to explain to my coaches tomorrow why I ran out of practice, they probably won’t believe me though.”

You giggled, before sliding out the picture of Haru’s second birthday from the book. “Maybe you can use this as proof.”

Atsumu took the photo and smiled warmly in the picture in his hands. The picture would find a well-loved home in his wallet, but would later be replaced with a picture of the three of you adorning matching jerseys on Haru’s eighth birthday at one of Atsumu’s games.

reblogs, comments, & asks are appreciated!

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[xmads-omensx]

The Dice Collection

MASTERSLIST

Words Count: 2,008

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Reader

Content Warnings: swearing, angst, mentions of sex, mentions of bullying, fluff, comfort

Summary: Y/N has a secret, that she has hid for many years, how will she react when Noah accidentally discovers it?

Here’s the thing, I was never exactly the most popular kid at school. Sure, I had plenty of friends and I wasn’t exactly bullied or found school to be particularly challenging. I was, however, one of the smarter kids. I liked the nerdier stuff like Star Wars, anime, Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. I always had my nose in a book… outside of school.

This aspect of my personality was always something that I hid away from my peers. I wasn’t ashamed of it by any means, but I had heard horrific stories about bullying from other kids who liked the same stuff. These tales haunted my Dungeons and Dragons party that I met up with once a week. The other members had all been treated horrifically by their peers at school, whilst I wasn’t.

The stories my friends told me encouraged me to hide these things that I enjoyed, at least until I had finished school.

To my credit, I never lied about it. I did in fact like wearing makeup and wearing the same kinds f clothes that the popular kids wore, so I felt less bad about it as I wasn’t completely following the crowd, despite that one part of my brain telling me the opposite.

However, when I did in fact finish school, I still hid this side of me away. Yes, I still played Dungeons and Dragons and splashed an obnoxious amount of money on anime t-shirts and posters, but I never told anyone about it. To this day I’m not exactly sure why I did this, but it felt like a safety blanket, separating myself from that awful possibility that I could still get bullied for it.

When I was nineteen, I dated this guy, Trevor, he was the nicest guy I had ever met. He treated me well, he took me out on dates and paid for my meals, he bought me nice jewellery and never had anything mean to say about me. Sure, I had been with other guys, but Trevor was different.

We had been together for about three months when our date took is to my apartment. We had slept together before so it wasn’t exactly weird for our dates to end up at his place, but never at my place.

However, we had been together for so long that I felt comfortable finally having him stay the night at mine.

And boy was I wrong.

He walked through my apartment and into my bedroom. He opened the door and stood in the doorway for a moment before doubling over in laughter. I laughed along with him hesitantly, not quite understanding what was funny.

“What are you fucking five or something?” He turned to me, still laughing.

“What?” I cautiously laughed back.

“The posters. Anime and all that cartoon shit is for losers, children and virgins.” He started, still laughing. “And last time I checked, you weren’t any of those.”

“Oh..” I trailed off, not liking the turn this was taking.

“Don’t tell me you seriously like this shit, Y/N?” Trevor asked. He had stopped laughing.

“Well, yeah I do like it.” I said in a small voice. When he didn’t say anything I continued, “Sure, it’s not the coolest thing in the world, but I like it. You don’t have to watch it or anything. I’m not going to make you watch anything you don’t want to.”

“Damn straight I’m not watching that shit. Look, Y/N, I really thought this was going well but I’m not sure I can keep this up with you.” He added, no hint of a smile or laughter on his face anymore.

“What?” I asked in a small voice.

“Think about it, I can’t tell any of my friends about the shit you like because it will make me look like a fucking loser. What happens when we move in together? And you put this shit on our walls?” He gestured at the Castlevania poster that hung over my bed. “Everyone is going to think that I’m a fucking freak, Y/N, and I don’t want that. I’m sorry but we’re done.”

And with that, my relationship with my ‘perfect’ boyfriend was over.

I had been on dates since then, but had never taken it further in fear of a similar thing happening again. That had, however, allowed me to focus on my degree and graduating from university.

Now, at 23, I had managed to get into another relationship. Noah was the perfect guy. He was kind, thoughtful, hilarious and freakishly talented. Much like Trevor, he took me on lovely dates, paid for all of my meals and even bought me a stuffed koala back from Australia when he and his band played some shows over there.

He always made me feel special. Like I was worth something. Like I meant something to him. I felt so much better being with him than I had with Trevor before the breakup. The two weren’t even comparable. But why was I still so hesitant to bring him over to my place?

One evening, Noah picked me up from my place and took me to the movie theatre to see the new Alien movie that had just come out.

“You excited?” He asked. It was our six month anniversary, so this date felt extra special to me.

“Yeah, I cant wait.” I beamed at him. He reached over the console and took my hand in his significantly larger one before starting the drive to the theatre.

Upon arriving there, Noah bought us a large popcorn and Diet Pepsi to share. He then led us to our seats that were directly in the middle of the theatre.

The movie started and it was incredible. About halfway through the movie, Noah wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him, placing a kiss on the top of my head. I could feel my cheeks heating up at his gesture. No matter what he did, he made my heart flutter.

The movie ended and Noah took my hand, leading me to his car. He opened the door for me then ran around the car to the driver’s side and drove me back to my apartment.

The drive was short and full off discussions about the movie and other horror movies we liked.

Before we knew it, we had arrived at my apartment. Noah started acting a bit fidgety before finally cracking as he pulled into a parking space.

“Babe I have to pee so bad can I please use your bathroom?” He asked with a slight urgency to his voice.

I panicked instantly. “Uhh.. Noah I don’t know.”

“Please baby. I’ll only be a second.” He pleaded, the urgency in his voice becoming clearer.

“Noah…” I trailed off. I had absolutely no idea how to get out of this situation.

“Seriously babe, if I don’t go now I might actually piss myself. I am begging you right now.” Noah pleaded, grabbing both my hands in his for emphasis.

“Okay fine, but you can only go in the bathroom.” I said.

“Aye aye captain. I love you so much thank you thank you thank you.” He rushed as he practically leaped out of the car. I couldn’t help but laugh at his actions.

I unlocked the door to my apartment after we exited the lift.

“Second door on the left.” I instructed Noah.

He kissed me on the cheek before sprinting to the bathroom, making me break out into laughter.

I opened the fridge and pulled out a Diet Coke while I waited for him to be done. The bathroom door opened and out strolled a visibly more relaxed Noah. He walked straight over to me and planted a kiss on the top of my head. “You are my saviour.” He mumbled into my hair before kissing my head again. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

Noah took a seat at one of the barstools that sat opposite me on the breakfast bar. “So… what’s the deal with that dice print in the bathroom? The one above the toilet?” He asked with a curious look on his face.

My heart dropped.

I knew exactly what he meant. Above the toilet in my bathroom hung a print of a D20 with watercolour splashed on it. I had completely forgotten all about that being there.

“It’s nothing.” I tried to cover up how my smile fell slightly.

“Your sure? It’s cool as shit.” He said, shrugging his shoulders.

My heart rate picked up.

“What? You like it?” I asked with an incredulous look on my face.

“Yeah, it’s really cool. It looks great with the wallpaper in there.” He complimented.

I felt my cheeks heat up.

“You’re being serious? Like you’re not pranking me?” I asked him, my brow furrowed.

“Why would I lie about that? That would be so fucking weird.” He laughed, a brief look of concern flashing over his features.

“No reason, people just don’t  usually like it that’s all.” I tried to cover up.

“Well they’re tasteless fools.” He said with a comically deadpan expression on his face. “It’s from a game right? Dungeons and something?” He asked.

Fuck.

“Yeah… Dungeons and Dragons.” I offered timidly.

“Do you play?” He asked.

I looked at my feet and didn’t reply. I knew what was coming.

“Babe?” He asked. “You okay?”

“It’s fine if it’s a dealbreaker I get it.” I said, defeated.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Noah asked, looking slightly offended.

“It’s fine if you don’t want to be with me because of it. I get it. It’s weird.” I said, my eyes beginning to tear up.

“Baby, what on earth are you talking about?” He repeated, softer this time.

I couldn’t prevent the tears that had begun to fall as I remembered what I went through with Trevor.

“It’s stupid.” I muttered, wiping my face hurriedly.

Before I could do anything else, two large arms wrapped around me as Noah pulled me into his chest. “Shhhh… it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’re not?” I asked quietly.

“No of course not. I was gonna ask you how to play because Jolly was thinking about it to keep us occupied next tour in our free time. I was gonna see if you would teach us.” He comforted with a slight laugh.

“Really!” My head shot up.

“Yeah.” He laughed.

“Okay.” I laughed and grabbed his arm, dragging him towards my bedroom.

“Woah there, take me out to dinner first.” Noah joked.

I shot him a glare as I opened the door, revealing the anime posters plastered over my walls. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Noah inspecting the posters and the self-consciousness began to sneak back in.

“No way! You like anime too!” He said with a massive grin taking over his face.

I didn’t really know what to say so I just nodded my head and smiled.

“You just get better and better.” He smiled and took my face in his hands, squishing my cheeks together and kissing my forehead.

I reached up onto my shelf and pulled down the large glass jar that I kept my dice in.

“Woah.” Noah gasped quietly. “How many are in there?”

“About 250? I mean that’s what it was last count, which was about a month ago but, I’ve bought more since then.” I timidly explained.

“Damn.” Noah muttered. “That’s sick as fuck.”

“Really?” I asked, somewhat shocked at his reaction.

“Fuck yeah!” He laughed. “I was starting to get worried I was the only nerd in this relationship.”

“You too huh?” I replied.

“Babe I sat for eight hours and got Itatchi tattooed on my thigh… of course.” He rolled his eyes jokingly at my apparent stupid question.

We both sat and laughed at our ridiculousness as I began to sort my dice with the help of Noah. He was the first person who had ever accepted this part of me. And suddenly, I wasn’t afraid of it anymore.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Comme des Garçons (S.R.)

Summary: Reader chooses an interesting way to finally confess to dating Spencer. Request(s): no one knows about spencer/reader but one day reader comes to work wearing something that is spencer’s and people are like ????? + Spencer and Reader are secretly dating & Reader decides to wear Spencer's cardigan to work bc she’s tired of hiding their relationship Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Fluff Content Warning: Implied weight (wearing Spencer’s cardigan), awkwardness Word Count: 1.6k

MASTERLIST

Spencer isn’t ashamed to be dating me. I know that. I know that he’s right, that it would just open us up to scrutiny and humiliation if everyone on the team found out about us dating. It was still too early to see if it would work out since we worked together, and it just made practical sense to keep it between us for the time being.

Realistically, I knew all of that. But it didn’t make it any easier when he’d insisted that we leave and arrive separately. Logic didn’t make the pit in my stomach feel any less awful, and it certainly didn’t make me feel any more inclined to follow the terms of our agreement.

Maybe I was being petty and unfair. Maybe I was self-sabotaging things because the truth was that we were getting along great, and it really seemed like things were going to work out. Maybe I was scared.

Nah, I thought to myself. I was definitely just being petty.

There was simply no other explanation for why I’d made sure to grab Spencer’s favorite cardigan before I slipped out his door. I can’t even begin to stress enough how little thought I’d put into the vindictive act. Despite the 30 minute drive down to Quantico, I never once stopped to consider that my shortsighted plan might not be the best idea.

In fact, I stood tall when I entered the FBI headquarters. I held my head high and walked through the familiar halls with a lightness in my step.

If I’d thought about it at all, I would realize that the root of my happiness hadn’t been the disobedience. It was the fact that I didn’t feel like a secret anymore. I felt free. I was happy.

That was, until I got on the elevator with David Rossi.

He didn’t say anything at first. He didn’t have to. I could see him eyeing me from his peripherals with narrowed eyes that shifted back to neutral when he raised his eyebrows in amusement.

When the doors finally shut me into the hell that was my reality, he spoke.

“Are you sure this is how you want to announce it?” he asked.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered.

It was not a good enough show to convince anyone; especially not a fellow profiler who was much, much better at his job than I was. That experience also explained why he didn’t bother pushing me to admit what we both already knew to be true.

Instead, he stayed facing forward and told me through a smile, “You know, the only way I got the kid to accept the gift was by failing to mention that it costs nearly $400.”

My hand tightened almost imperceptibly around my bag. But it wasn’t entirely stealthy, considering Rossi saw it. He turned to me and he let out a half-sigh, half-chuckle.

“Imagine my surprise when he gives it away so easily to the first pretty girl that asks.”

The pang of guilt in my chest was enough to spur me into action. I snapped my head around to look at him with a nervous laugh that broke halfway through.

“Yeah, about that…” I squeaked like a mouse caught in a trap.

Rossi shook his head with a deep breath before he sought to confirm his theory all along.

“You didn’t ask, did you?”

I shook my head no. It told him all he’d needed to know.

“He specifically asked you not to, didn’t he?”

I nodded with a noticeable pout that garnered absolutely no pity.

With a sarcastic hiss of pain, he replied, “That’s gotta sting.”

Glancing up at the fast-moving numbers on the elevator, I realized that I’d only had a few more seconds before my horrible decision would be witnessed by everyone we knew.

“Oh, god!” I shrieked as I tried to wrestle my way out of the cardigan without the sense to move my satchel first.

While I fought with the most comfortable piece of fabric I’d ever encountered, Rossi continued to taunt me with very unhelpful commentary.

“You’re way too late for that now. I bet Garcia’s spidey senses are already in full throttle. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s on the other side of these elevator doors.”

And just like that, the elevator beeped and alerted me of my downfall. Slowly, but surely, the doors opened to reveal JJ, Emily, and Penelope just outside the elevator. One by one, they all turned to see the mess of me with one arm in the sleeve of Spencer’s cardigan and the other draped over my head.

“Oh, look. The gang of gossipers is all here,” Rossi said with a smile.

Then, like a true psychopath, he stepped between us and left us there to deal with the aftermath.

But I definitely wasn’t ready to face them, and I had to get off the elevator. So, like a normal person, I followed Rossi’s footsteps as quickly as I could… and then took off running towards the conference room.

Unfortunately, in all the excitement, I had failed to consider the fact that I was still wearing the cardigan. In my urgency to appear normal, I’d even slipped my arm back into the sleeve like that hadn’t been the opposite of my original intention.

Then the denial kicked in. As I stepped through the threshold and caught the eye of the men in the room — minus Rossi, who was very certain he didn’t want to witness my mental breakdown — I convinced myself that, if I acted normal, no one would notice.

But literally seconds after I took my seat, I heard Luke snickering from across the table.

“You spend the night at your boyfriend’s?”

“What? Why would you ask that?” I snapped back in the most defensive way possible. It did absolutely nothing for my credibility, but it did make him smile.

“You’re wearing Reid’s cardigan,” he explained with a small nod of his head.

The gang of gossipers wasn’t too far behind me, and as soon as they’d heard his comment, their eyes grew wide and their jaws dropped for the second time in a matter of minutes.

I looked up at Luke and tried to force my hands to stop trembling. My mouth floundered open a few times, but always shut in a tight-lipped pout. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me, everyone waiting with bated breath for me to admit to the dirty little secret that I’d managed to keep up until this point.

But because it had worked so well last time, I decided to once again mutter, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

And Luke, in all his oblivious glory, still didn’t understand what was happening until he looked up to see Penelope silently cursing at him from the other side of the room.

It was then that he gasped, “Oh, are we pretending we don’t know?”

His horrible timing was still nothing compared to Spencer’s, however. His obliviousness, too.

Because there was absolutely no hesitation or self-awareness when he waltzed into the conference room like any other morning.

“Sorry I’m late, everyone,” he announced without justification. He didn’t realize that he’d needed to explain until a dead silence followed.

Until he looked up across the table to spot me staring back at him. I wore a smile, of course, albeit with twitching lips and a panicked whine through clenched teeth.

Immediately, he winced in pain. He rubbed his hands over his face in frustration and seconds later, I’d done the same. That mirrored action was all it took for sound to erupt around us. It was the signal of defeat, and our friends began the celebrations without further delay.

“I knew it!” Penelope shrieked in excitement just before she damn near tackled my boyfriend out of his chair.

Through the chaotic overlapping of demands for payment for various bets, I heard Spencer’s laughter. I glanced up between my fingers, fully expecting him to be looking at anyone other than me.

But to my surprise, he was looking at me with a smile that felt familiar. It took me a moment to realize what it was, but once I did, I felt it all the same. Because Spencer had felt and embraced that freedom the same way I had a few minutes earlier.

As soon as he wriggled free from Penelope’s affection, he jumped from his seat and practically ran around the table to take the seat next to me. He turned to me with a shy, secretive little smile that I returned shamelessly.

Luke must’ve seen that understanding on our faces, too, because that mischievous smile returned to his cheeks with a vengeance.

He turned to Penelope and appealed, “So… safe to say we don’t have to pretend not to know anymore, right?”

And to my surprise, it wasn’t the gang of gossipers who answered him.

It was Spencer.

“I agree with Luke, actually,” he said.

Then, taking his hand into mine underneath the table, he whispered, “No more pretending.”

I smiled, too. Because I knew in that moment that Spencer wasn’t, and never had been ashamed of me.

In fact, I’d never seen him happier than when I’d worn his heart on my sleeve.

(Tell me what you thought of this fic here!)

[tartglias]

undercover

characters: fatui harbinger ! reader x scaramouche + childe + signora (separate)

prompt: you had been away on an undercover mission for a while, but they find you at an unusual place

note: i was listening to yes or yes by twice when this came to my mind so idk I HAD TO WRITE IT (its a bit messy though i apologize)

☆☆☆☆

Scaramouche

He glared at the door of the tavern before taking a deep breath and walking in. He didn't even want to be there, but his subordinates were stupid enough to not be able to locate you themselves, so he felt forced to come himself.

It's been a while since he last saw you, he heard from the 11th harbinger that you got ordered to go undercover in the region of Fontaine.

But now, the Tsarista needed you back, reason why now he tracked you down and is currently standing awkwardly by the bar.

He tried to scan the area with his eyes in order to find you, but unfortunately for him, he was only met with the weird glances from strangers.

"Looking for someone?" He heard a deep voice coming from beside him, it was the bartender. He quickly put on his facade, and smiled at him. "Just a friend, they told me to meet them here today but I presume they haven't arrived yet"

"A nice place for a date, my friend. The show is about to start, can I serve you something to drink while you wait?" The bartender asked.

Scaramouche was about to thunder the man and correct him saying it was not a date, just business. But it's not like he cares, anyways. He smiled instead, and said "Just water will be fine, thank you"

Then, as the man behind the bar nodded, lights went out. Smoke started coming out from the stage in front of him, and then, a group of dancers appeared. Their backs were facing the audience, and their outfits were all colorful and sparkly. "How disgusting" he mumbled to himself.

The moment the dancers turned around and you appeared at the centre, looking as bright and beautiful as ever, his mouth dropped

What were you doing there?! It was supposed to be a top secret mission, so why were you performing in a tavern where the spotlight was clearly all on you?

To make it more unbelievable for him, you started singing a cheerful and bubbly song

Oh boy

His mouth and eyes were wide open, and Scaramouche has never been so shocked in his life

It was just very odd to see you like that, because he knew the real you. You were almost as sadistic as him, often laughing at the pain your vision brought to people. That's why he took a liking on you, because at the end of the day, you were almost as bad as him. The only difference is that you were mostly tolerated and respected by the fellow fatui harbingers, and also, you knew how to keep your mouth shut when necessary.

So this was a big contrast, now you were singing a cheerful song about love and positivity. It was a 180 degree turn, so he couldn't help but feel shocked, but slightly in a good way.

When the song finished, you quickly spot him and shot him a knowing glance that said "we'll talk later", before your smile reappeared in your face as you bowed and thanked the other customers.

Childe

Unlike Scaramouche, he was simply wandering around the city of Inazuma when he found the café you were currently working at.

He finished his mission a bit earlier than usual, so why not walk around the city his dear fellow fatui harbinger grew up in? Who knows? Maybe he will meet someone who is willing to exchange precious information about the 6th harbinger. That way, he would rile him up and eventually get to fight him.

That was, until he saw a much better source of entertainment.

He was standing outside of a themed café when he spot a familiar person dressed in a maid costume. He wasn't one to drink coffee, but why not try?

He walked in and sat at a random table, waiting to get served. Luckily for him, you got assigned his table.

When you saw him, your cheeks immediately reddened. Not only because of your attire and current situation, but also because he was not supposed to be there, and specially not when you were so close to finish the mission.

"My, my. What do we have here?" he said once you reached his table. You ignored him and handed him the menu. "Welcome to our humble café, master. How can I serve you today?"

Childe was screaming inside

"Master? I like that. I think I would like-" he started saying, quickly going through the menu. "A regular coffee and a wolfhood juice"

You eyed him questioningly. "That's a strange combination, master" "What can I say? I'm a man with many dualities" he said, smirking and making an emphasis on "many"

He knew you well, after all, you were his hardest challenge within the fatui harbingers. He once fought with you, and not even 10 minutes later you already had your foot pressing on his head against the floor.

He would be a fool to not admit that he has always been slightly interested in you. Not because of your fight style, or your agility to control your vision. But also because you didn't bow down to anyone that wasn't the Tsarista. He often thinks you would rather die than lower yourself like that

That's why he was enjoying this a little too much. Oh how he adored this unusual look of you roleplaying as a maid while you serve him coffee. Not to mention the use of the word "master".

He's definitely going to use this against you someday

Signora

Normally, lower rank fatuis would be assigned to locate the harbingers and deliver messages, but you were in an undercover mission.

To put it simple, those silly fatuis could not find you. That's why Signora was currently sitting on a dirty wooden bench facing a big stage. If someone could locate you, it was her. And she was 98% sure that you would appear in that stage at any moment.

"They should have picked a better place to perform." she thought, as she made a disgusted face at how dirty the bench was.

She was a bit curious though. Despite being a very respected fatui harbinger, you were also a very shy person. You didn't talk much in meetings, and if you did, your voice was small. You also stumble on your words while talking to people, and prefer smaller crowds.

Harbingers like Scaramouche often questioned why you were a harbinger at all.

But Signora knew better. She knew how powerful you were, and how confident you get in no time when the situation goes the way you planned. And if the situation goes the other way round, you're always quick enough to handle it smoothly. There was no doubt in her soul about the fact that you were perfect for the job.

But still

You were a very shy person who always ran away from crowded places. So why were you about to perform at such place? With a big audience?

Her questions were soon answered, when a tall man with a black moustache and a large hat appeared on stage. Lights were on him, as he exclaimed "Welcome everyone! It is my pleasure to present an acrobatic show you will never forget!"

The red courtain behind him opened, and there you stood in a yellow tight outfit and a big smile on your face. If Signora didn't know better, she would have believed you were the most innocent person in the world.

Once the man finished his speech and left the stage, the other acrobats started doing their performances. But Signora's eyes were on you, only.

She didn't expect you to use your pyro vision, as you lit up an acrobat hula hoop that was safely attached to a platform. And to make it more shocking, she did not expect you to smile at the audience before you made a cartwheel, landed on a trampoline, and jumped through the hula hoop.

You landed safely on the other side of it, and gave the audience a triumphant smile while you lifted up your arms.

That was the moment when you noticed Signora.

Signora rarely showed emotions, even less positive ones. But she just could not help the small smile that appeared on her face when her eyes met yours. She was shocked, amazed, starstruck

Your mission was nowhere near over, but as Signora smiled and clapped while you bowed down to express gratitude, you felt satisfied.

[seriouslysnape]

HIii! I was wondering if you could write something Fred (6th/7th year) x Gryffindor Reader (i know u dont usually write him) maybe something where reader and fred are best friends and shes in love with him but she thinks he dosent like her that way with a fuffy ending? maybe some angst not too much tho thank youuu <3 if you dont want to write fred (😭) you can write it for lupin (6th/7th year)

__

His Favorite Girl

Fred Weasley x Gryffindor! Reader

Warnings: Language.

Word Count: 3,430

“Woah. Guess I had more to drink than I thought.”

__

The Gryffindor common room. An ever changing space for all Gryffindor students to unwind, study, or party, depending on the occasion. The common room was always crowded from wall to wall after a Quidditch match, especially when Gryffindor reigned victorious. The players all filed in, bursting with good energy and an itch to celebrate their win. Oliver Wood exploded inside first with an unmistakably beaming smile spreading across his face.

The Gryffindor students who hadn’t been able to make it to watch the match automatically knew that they had won based on Oliver’s visible jubilant mood. You were one of the unfortunate ones that hadn’t been able to make it, but you knew that the team would bring the party to you. The Weasley twins came bopping in next, George carrying a very happy Harry Potter on his shoulders. Harry leapt off of George’s shoulders before the tall twin could knock him into the top of the doorframe.

Your sights automatically set on the other Weasley twin. Fred was beaming with delight at their impressive win. Fred was damn proud to be a Gryffindor, and beating the brakes off of Slytherin was one of his favorite pastimes. He couldn’t be any happier at this moment. It warmed your heart to see him so joyful and full of glee.

You raked over his tall, slender yet muscular frame. His signature red hair was damp with sweat and parts of his face were caked with dirt.

Fred caught your stare, his smile never leaving his face as he gave you a friendly wink. You closed the Potions book in your lap, getting up from the sofa with a silent hope that your thumping heartbeat wasn’t obvious to anyone.

It was a hard thing to do. Keeping your ever growing crush and admiration for Fred Weasley under wraps was becoming more and more difficult as time went on. The seemingly simple solution (as all of your friends had told you) to do would be to “just tell him” how you felt. But it was MUCH easier said than done.

There were so many things that could possibly go wrong if you were to confess your feelings to Fred. You would be running the risk of ruining a beautiful friendship that had done nothing but blossom over the last seven years if he didn’t share that same admiration. You didn’t want to lose your best friend just because your heart felt differently than his.

At the same time, you wanted to tell him every scrap and ounce of how your soul felt lost without him. There had been a few times over the years where you had an opportunity to lay your heart out on the line for him. Each time you had this heavy feeling in your chest letting you know you needed to make a move.

You built up the courage each time, but were interrupted by George or another one of your friends before you could bite the bullet. You knew it wasn’t healthy to keep this holed away in yourself. Your love would only grow more. The more days that passed, the more you began to wonder how different your life would be if you never told him. Not to mention that graduation was only a few months away, and there was always the risk of losing contact with him when you went separate ways.

That is, IF you were to go separate ways.

On the other side of the coin, there was always a chance that Fred possibly did harbor the same admiration for you. That would totally change things in the long run. The idea of starting a romantic relationship, possibly getting married, and having a family was nothing short of perfect.

But you had to get to that point first.

Everyone rallied around Harry, shaking him excitedly and singing their praises to him for his incredible Snitch catch. Suddenly, blaring and thunderous chatter filled the common room as more exhilarated students piled in. Within the hour, a sea of Gryffindors occupied the room, complete with blasting music and an ungodly amount of alcohol.

Oliver had gathered a crowd of first years in one corner of the common room as he retold every solitary second of the match from his point of view, starting from the very beginning. The wide eyed first year wizards and witches were on the edge of their seats as they listened to his story, some of them beginning to wonder if they had what it took to be great Quidditch players.

On the other side of the room, you were settled once again on the sofa with Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell, who were seated in the arm chairs across from you. They were exhausted from playing all day, but that didn’t stop them from engaging in some girl talk.

Alicia and Katie were your dearest friends, and they were the only ones who knew about your crush on Fred. A crush that had quite honestly evolved into something much more. They were always keeping an ear out to see if Fred said anything remotely leading them to believe that he might like you back. As surprising as it was, Fred never really outwardly spoke about his romantic side.

Speaking of, Fred and George were in another corner of the room with Harry and Ron, doing God only knows what. Fred was considerably tipsy, but nothing even close to plastered. You had seen Fred drunk before, and needless to say, it was a hysterical sight.

“So, [Y/N],” Alicia spoke up, her dark skin looking extra glowy from the fire roaring in the fireplace; “Fred was awfully excited to come back to tell you that we won.”

Katie perked up, her head lifting from where it had been leaning on the back of the chair.

“Yeah! The first thing that he told George was that he couldn’t wait to tell you the news. Although, I guess Oliver kind of told everyone before Fred had the chance.”

“Really? He said that?” You asked, sitting up a little straighter.

Alicia nodded vigorously, gripping Katie’s forearm with elation. Alicia and Katie had never tried to set the two of you up, mainly because you had begged them not to. That didn’t stop them from trying to be the ultimate wingwomen. They believed that you and Fred would be a stellar couple. They were convinced you were made for one another.

They both feared that you’d never make an attempt to make it happen.

“He sure did. I heard him myself.” Katie replied.

Alicia glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was listening before leaning forward closer to you. Her voice was quiet, loud enough so only you and Katie could hear as she spoke.

“Graduation is coming up quickly. You’ve got to tell him.” She advised.

You sighed heavily. If you had a galleon for every time one of them had told you that, you’d be a wealthy woman. They just didn’t seem to get that it just isn’t that easy. You wouldn’t deny that proclaiming your deepest secret to someone didn’t scare you. It was terrifying to offer your heart and soul to someone, even when you knew that they might get broken as a result. You didn’t want to live with a broken heart.

But you didn’t want to live always asking yourself “what if”.

Before you could respond, a figure plopped themself next to you, his familiar scent sending flutters all through you. Fred basically snuggled up next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. Despite the fact that you weren’t dating, Fred was comfortable enough with you to get extremely close, which didn’t help your situation at all.

Alicia and Katie held down their snickers and giggles at how you were clearly flustered. You tried not to wriggle too much under Fred’s hold, and draw any attention to yourself. He was your best friend, and you knew how to play it cool when he was around.

“Hi, [Y/N].” Fred slurred loudly over the noise.

You laughed softly at the smell of Firewhiskey that was radiating off of him. You weren’t much of a drinker, but you’d have a drink with Fred from time to time.

“Hey, Fred. Congratulations on the match.” You complimented.

Fred grinned proudly, looking down at your slumped body. His eyes were beginning to glaze over from the alcohol, but he looked as sober as ever. He had a certain look in his eyes that you couldn’t identify.

“Thanks. Those bloody Slytherins got what they deserved.” He stated.

“Oliver seems over the moon with how it went.” You remarked, smiling as you looked behind you to see Oliver now standing on a table as he continued telling his thrilling tale.

When you turned back to Fred, you couldn’t help but notice how Fred hadn’t taken his eyes off of you. The butterflies in your belly were going totally bananas now. His gaze did eventually shift to the Potions book that was placed next to your feet, and he let out a guttural sound. He reached for it, noting that it had obviously been put to good use in the last several hours.

“Have you been studying?” He questioned, holding the book in his hand.

You sheepishly nodded, aimlessly reaching for the textbook. An offended look crossed Fred’s face as he held the book far out of your reach. Damn his long arms.

“I have a test on Monday. Advanced Potions is kicking my ass this year and I’ve just barely been getting by so I have to study extra time.” You expressed, laughing at your fruitless attempt to get the book back.

His sharp jaw fell open a tad and he stretched back even further to ensure you didn’t get the book back for now.

“You’re kidding me. I missed my favorite girl at the match because she was stuck in the common room studying for a TEST?” He acquired, not even aware of the weight behind his choice of words.

You felt your smile fade into more of a bashful expression. Your body slinked back into the cushions, forgetting all about the book. His words rang in your word.

Favorite girl.

Fred Weasley’s favorite girl.

Alicia and Katie were both wide eyed and jaw dropped at what he had just said. They were looking back and forth between the two of you like they were at an intense tennis match.

Fred was so aloof and oblivious to the fact that he had literally just melted your heart with a single sentence. You spent so much time with Fred that you just didn’t understand how he couldn’t see it.

Fred knew you backwards and forwards. He could see straight through you when you were lying or when you were sad, but claiming you were fine. He always remembered your favorite treats from Honeydukes and how you liked hot Butterbeer on cold winter nights. It made him happy to hear you talk about your favorite Muggle novels or tell him about something funny that happened in McGonagall’s class. He knew you better than anyone.

But why couldn’t he see the way you were yearning for him?

“You missed me?” You asked, shrinking even further into the cushions.

Fred looked at you as if that were the dumbest question he had ever been graced with. He lowered his arm at your sudden demeanor change, gently putting the book in your hand. Alicia and Katie leaned in carefully, eager to see where this conversation was going. Much to their disappointment, Fred didn’t get a chance to answer due to another member joining you on the couch.

George landed less gracefully than Fred had, basically landing on top of you and smothering you. Your shrieks were muffled in George’s Quidditch robes, Fred wrestling his brother off of you.

“Hey! George, get off of her.” He grunted, heaving his brother’s very limp body off of you.

Alicia threw her hands up in defeat at the interruption, Katie falling back into her chair. So close, yet so far. You gasped for air as George fell on the open seat next to Fred. George was way further gone than Fred. He was barely even able to keep his eyes open, let alone get any real, complete thought across.

“Nice timing, George.” Katie said sarcastically.

You gave her a menacing look, not wanting her to bring it up. George snorted, and his sentence came out more as one incoherent word.

“Did I interrupt something important?” He heavily slurred between hiccups.

You rolled your eyes. Leave it to George to ruin this for you. You were discouraged that your chance had been shot down once again, but it wasn’t George’s fault. You were just glad to see your friends in such high spirits. Soon enough, the rest of the party goers had crowded towards the center of the room where you were. The party raged on well into the night, a complete celebration with dancing, singing, and more drinking.

As easily as the party could’ve carried on and on, eventually the famed players’ exhaustion caught up with them and they all slowly dwindled down and sauntered off to their respective dorm rooms. You hugged Alicia and Katie goodnight, knowing they’d be passed out in their beds by the time you got up to your dorm room.

You spoke to Harry and Ron for a bit, giving Harry a friendly kiss on the top of his head for his winning catch. His pasty white cheeks went red as he and Ron retreated to their room in a fit of blushy giggles. That left just you and the twins in the common room that was now completely trashed. Empty cups and half spilled bottles of alcohol were scattered about, people even leaving behind some of their school stuff to be recollected in the morning.

George was a mumbling, intoxicated mess. He was close to falling asleep, and Fred wanted to get him to bed before he was completely unable to stand up. You’d be up for a while cleaning up the common room. You always hated leaving a room knowing it was messy, so you didn’t mind picking up after everyone. Fred knew you’d stay behind to clean up, but he didn’t want you to have to do it alone. He draped his babbling twin over his shoulders, grimacing at how George was usually heavier when he was drunk.

“I’m going to run George upstairs and then I’ll be back to lend you a hand.” He smiled, ignoring the things that George was trying to say to him.

“You don’t have to. I can handle it.” You said, tossing a handful of cups away.

“I know you can. I just don’t want you to be lonely is all.” He said, turning on his heel and marching up the boys’ dormitory stairs with George.

You felt a warm flush course through you at his words once more. You weren’t sure why you were extra sensitive to him tonight. Sure enough, Fred returned a few minutes later, almost stumbling into the wall at the bottom of the stairs. You both laughed as he gave a witty comment.

“Woah. Guess I had more to drink than I thought.” He said, walking into the room once he steadied himself.

“Is George okay?” You asked, accepting the pile of empty bottles that Fred placed into your trash bag.

You usually hand cleaned for the first few minutes, but would eventually grow bored and cast a spell from your wand to finish the work. It was seldom that the common room was this quiet, so you liked to bask in the silence for a little after there was a party.

Fred scoffed with a nod.

“Oh, yeah. He’ll be fine. Nasty hangover in the morning, but there’s a potion for that.”

As usual, the two of you were tired of cleaning, so you waved your wand with a quick cleaning charm. You both watched in amazement as the trash and everything else whisked around the room into trash bins, leaving the room spotless. You put your wand in your back pocket with a satisfied hum. Usually, this would be the time where you went to bed, but you were getting that familiar heavy feeling in your chest.

It immediately dawned on you that you had a perfect chance here. No one was around, and no one would be around for more than enough time.

“You want to sit and chat for a bit?” Fred questioned, noticing your dazed look; “You seem like you’ve got something on your mind.”

The fireplace was still occupied with a cozy warm fire, which was very inviting. You nodded, following Fred to the same couch you had been on earlier. The common room was beyond peaceful now, your head almost lulling onto Fred’s shoulder in relaxation.

Oddly enough, you weren’t freaked out now. In all the past times you had tried to do this, you were a jittery mess and could barely get a word out without stuttering. You felt so at ease now, as if this was something you did often. You hadn’t even had a drop of alcohol tonight, so you couldn’t blame it on that.

“So what’s up?” Fred questioned after you didn’t initiate a conversation.

He had unknowingly opened a door that you knew you had to take. It was now or never.

“I’m just thinking about some things.” You admitted.

Fred’s curiosity was sparked now. He was always interested and willing to hear what was going on in your mind.

“What kind of things?” He pressed on.

Your sights were set on the flames in front of you, causing you to miss the way that Fred was looking at you with such fondness and care. He was cherishing every passing second of this moment.

“You and me.” You confessed.

Fred was filling with anticipation, not sure where you were going with this. He raised a brow.

“What about us?” He replied.

You took a breath.

“Fred, what did you mean when you said I was your favorite girl?” You queried.

Fred looked into your eyes that were peering up at him in a puppy-like way. He noticed that you were expecting an answer. Fred, as confident as ever, responded with a voice like butter, his accent a little thicker.

“Because you’re my favorite person in the world.” He revealed.

Your heart caught in your throat and your breathing hitched. So far so good.

“I am?” You asked to confirm

Fred’s arm that was around you pulled you in closer. You were being flooded with such a sense of intimacy that it was overwhelming. Your nose was level with his chin, and you were so close to his face that you swore you could hear the blood flowing through his face. Fred knew what was happening now, and he was ecstatic about it. He had wanted you all along, but never knew how’d you’d react. The last thing he ever wanted to do was scare you off.

He thought about all the times he had seen you upset, and how it hurt him when you were pained with something. He always wished for nothing but happiness for you. He didn’t want to ruin things because of how he felt.

But now he was sure that you’d be here to stay.

“Absolutely you are. You’re all I ever think about.” He whispered, stroking your face with the side of his thumb that was wrapped around you.

This didn’t feel real, but felt all too real at the same time.

“Why are you whispering?” You smiled softly, whispering back to him.

He smirked, and whispered again.

“Because I want you to know how much I love you.”

A cannon of confetti seemingly exploded all throughout your body. Shock, desire, lust, love, want, everything went through you all at once. This wasn’t at all how you had imagined this happening, but you were happy that it did. It was very fitting for the two of you.

“Kiss me.” You whispered once more.

He lowered his head and his lips caught yours in a feverish way. All the pent up feelings from the last 6 years all loaded themselves into the kiss. It was a huge weight off of your shoulders.

“I love you,” You professed once Fred pulled away; “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to tell you that.”

Fred chuckled lightly, responding before kissing you again.

“I think I have a pretty good idea.”

[thechangeling]

But you like her better: Part 1

This fic features Kit's potential new girlfriend hinted at in a letter from Tessa to Magnus in CC's newsletter. A bunch of people in the fandom built her from the ground up @littlx-songbxrd @foxglove-airmid @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno and @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood to name a few, and gave her a personality, name and backround. Their name is Marí.

Kit uses he/they pronouns in this fic and Marí uses she/they.

Cw: Disassociation (or at least how I experience it idk it might not be the same for everyone), negative self talk, self injurious stims, and bad coping mechanisms.

Title is from Heather by Conan Gray.

Marìa. Marí as she preferred to be called, was a bubbly kind soul with a wide inviting smile and a melodic voice.

Even Ty could admit that they were quite beautiful, despite not seeing women (or in Marí's case anyone who was particularly alienated with womanhood,) in a romantic or sexual light. It took him awhile to realize he was gay, but when he did it just seemed so obvious. He had gone through a minor phase of experimentation at the scholomance when he was younger but it hadn't lasted long.

Still Marí was stunning. And perhaps what made her even more stunning was her kindness and generosity. Ty had met her on the beach in LA while she and her parents were visiting the LA institute for a downworlder/shadowhunter summit being held by Helen, Aline, Mark and Cristina, similar to the one Julian held in 2012.

Ty noticed that Tessa and Jem were present, but Kit was not. He was not exactly sure how that should make him feel. So Ty elected to push the pain in his chest further down. To shove all if his unresolved feelings and worries and questions about Kit Herondale back into the metaphorical box and move on.

So he had gone outside to walk on the beach to distract himself when he found Marí sitting on the sand and crying.

Apparently according to them, they had come across a few dead moon jellyfish, or Aurelia aurita as was more scientifically accurate, that had washed up on the beach.

Ty remembered being moved by how she had such compassion for another living creature who wasn't even a person. It was rare. Ty had helped her bury them. She seemed wary and a little hostile around him at first, noticing his runes. She was clutching her body tightly. Ty noticed her anxiety and told her how he was also a lover of aquatic life and he found marine biology fascinating. This had prompted her to instantly change demeanor and become very excited and start jumping up and down and waving her hands before she told him that she was studying marine biology at university in Devon.

The mention of Devon should gave promoted Ty to wonder if Marí knew Kit but he was still putting up mental blocks to protect himself from the Kit situation so it hadn't crossed Ty's mind.

They had sat on the beach and talked for hours. Marí told him their name and that they used she/they pronouns. They also told Ty that they were from Devon, but their family was from Loiza, a city on the Northeastern coast of Puerto Rico. And also that they were all werewolves who pretty much hated shadowhunters but he seemed ok because he liked jellyfish. They mentioned that marine biology was one of their special interests and that they were autistic and had ADHD.

It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell Marí about him also being autistic but Ty being guarded and asocial, decided not to and told her as little as possible. He supposed he had some trust issues after everything. He mentioned his name, that he was attending the scholomance, and a few basic facts about his family. He also talked about his friend Alyssa Reyes.��

Alyssa or Ali as he called her, was a werewolf with Maia's pack in New York. She was assigned as a liaison to the scholomance to act as a bridge between the werewolves and future centurions. And BOY had she complained about it. Alyssa was basically the president of the fuck shadowhunters club and she was autistic and had ADHD. She and Marí would have gotten along quite well.

Marí overall did most of the talking but she didn't seem to mind. On the contrary.

Ty had no idea that by that point they were already dating Kit.

When Kit returned with apologetic smiles and a new found charisma and confidence, he also brought her. And she was so happy to see Ty again that he felt so guilty for feeling torn up inside.

Ty couldn't hate Marí. Not even if he tried. They hadn't done anything wrong and neither had Kit. So Ty would just have to settle for hating himself for being angry over nothing.

Kit and Ty weren't really talking. Sure they had exchanged some words together when basically forced to, but Kit was being standoffish and Ty was still feeling a little annoyed. But mostly hurt. Ty had heard that Kit was using he/they pronouns and now identified as genderfluid. He had so many questions for Kit but Ty knew he couldn't ask. At least not right now.

Currently Ty was watching Kit and Marí talking. Kit was in the middle of telling her what looked to be a funny story based on the way she was laughing. Kit pushed a lock of dark curly hair back behind her ear and smiled.

Ty felt queasy. He bit his lip and averted his gaze trying to shake off the horrible feeling. Everytime he saw them together his chest felt like it was being squeezed by a juicer. Like he was being crushed and torn up on the inside and it was his fault. Just like it was his fault that Kit left. Or maybe that wasn't true. Maybe it was just inevitable but that didn't make it any easier.

Ty didn't have the right to be jealous or upset. He had no claim over Kit. He was being ridiculous he told himself as he attempted to shove all of these dark feelings into the box.

But this time it wasn't working.

"Alright you look like you're about to snap crackle and pop," Ty heard a voice say beside him. "What gives Sherlock?"

Ty looked up to see Alyssa Reyes standing next to him. When they had all congregated together in the LA institute and Kit had brought Marí and his friend Janessa back with them. Ty had decided to bring his lucky charm and close friend with him.

When Alyssa first came to the scholomance things were quite rough. But they had connected, first on the basis of being autistic and then through other things. Ali also had a love of mysteries and the two of them together were quite the team. The two of them had become incredibly close. Anush called her Irene because she was the only one who could outsmart Ty.

Speaking of Anush..

He was currently still back at the scholomance. They had both decided it was best for him to stay behind so they could spend some time apart. They had recently broken up after Ty finally realized he wasn't in a good place emotionally to date anyone. Ty had been forced to put Livvy's spirit to rest permanently when it started to have an affect on the mortal world negativity. It had been Livvy herself who had begged Ty to save the world at her expense.

That had been about a month ago and Ty was still relatively numb. He had a feeling it would begin to hurt eventually. Just not yet.

"Hey did you hear me?" Alyssa raised her voice. "What's wrong?" Ty refocused on his friend.

She was wearing her costume for the Halloween party they were all attending tonight. Kit, Ty, Dru, Alyssa, Marí, Jaime, Janessa and Thaís. It was Dru herself who had suggested they need a break from essentially preparing themselves for what was probably going to be another war. So they were headed to a vampire hosted party at a club in downtown LA. Alyssa had been sure to grab earplugs for Ty and herself which he was grateful for.

Alyssa was dressed as Aeryn Sun from Farscape, one of the many autistic coded characters from scifi that she was obsessed with. She was wearing a long black leather trench coat with black leather pants and a black tank top. Her dark brown hair was pulled back onto a long braid traveling down to her lower back. She even had leather boots and a fake blaster gun holstered at her thigh to complete the look.

And Ty of course, was dressed as Sherlock.

Ty shook his head at her. "Nothing Ali I'm fine."

Alyssa glowered at him. "Bullshit you're fine. I thought we agreed never to lie to each other?"

Ty sighed, gazing back at Kit and Marí, still smiling at each other. Alyssa followed his gaze.

"Oh you're jealous aren't you!" She declared matter of factly. Ty instantly shushed her.

"Oh relax they can't hear us, she muttered. We're too far away." She twirled her long braid and stimmed with the ends of it. "You know if you plan on taking your anger out on that lovely girl, a member of our COMMUNITY no less, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, then I'm like legally required to throw hands," she said with a smile.

Ty didn't smile back. "I wouldn't," he murmered, looking down. He had been flicking his fingers lazily at his sides, but now Ty found that wasn't good enough. He dug his fingernails into his right palm.

Alyssa looked concerned. "Hey I was just kidding," she said softly. She took his hand that had been creating little half-moon red divots on his skin and carefully threaded his fingers through her own.

Ali squeezed Ty's hand. "You know I'm on your side no matter what." He squeezed back.

Ty looked at the couple again. Emotions swirled all around his heart like little ribbons grazing against the sides. It wasn't just jealousy neccessary and Ty was a little shocked to find that he wasn't angry anymore. He was just...what?

Sad?

Sad didn't even begin to feel like it covered it. He felt so lost. And alone. And.... He felt himself starting to drift away, separating from himself. Ty could hear the fuzzy far away echo of someone trying to speak to him, but he couldn't make out the words. They were getting further and further away.

Everything was blurry and out of focus.

"Ty!" He heard a voice shout. With a jolt he was snapped back into his body. He turned to face Alyssa who was staring at him, looking obviously alarmed.

But the worst part was that everyone else was staring at him too. Including Kit. They looked  shocked, but also something else that Ty couldn't quite pinpoint. There was an air of desperation to their voice when they asked,

"Are you ok?"

Was Ty ok?

It was such a funny question coming from Kit who hadn't spoken more than two words to him this whole time.

Kit who had left.

Ty didn't know what else to do except laugh. He burst laughing hysterically, almost falling from his position of where he was leaning against the wall. He desperately tried to gasp for air as he cackled.

Everyone was staring at him looking horrified. Dru pulled out her phone as if she was contemplating calling someone, then decided against it. Tears were starting to roll down Ty's cheeks as he kept laughing.

Alyssa grabbed his arm. "Alright, come with me," she ordered, dragging him to the side. Ty managed to stop laughing as she guided him firmly into the training room.

Ty's eyes were still blurry with tears, so he wiped them away. Alyssa was smiling at him softly, looking sympathetic. "It's gonna be ok Ty,: she cooed, taking his hand again. Alyssa began to rub slow soothing circles onto his palm.

"Ok, you wanna tell me what's going on now?" She asked gently. Ty sniffed and used his other hand to wipe away the rest of his tears.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I don't know how to describe or explain it.

Alyssa nodded. "Well, try. You can use quotes or song lyrics if you want." Ty smiled. He was grateful that Ali understood.

Ty chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It feels like a tear in my heart. Like a part of me is missing and I just can't feel it," he quoted. Alyssa stared at him, pondering. She continued to stroke his hand.

"Do you think what you're missing is Kit?" She asked. "Do you miss him?"

Ty glared at Alyssa and snatched his hand back. "No," he said firmly. "I don't."

Ali rolled her eyes. "Jesus you're almost as bad at love as I am! It's like trying to open a rusted toolbox with a fork getting you to open up!" She snapped.

Ty bared his teeth under closed lips and glowered at her. "Well maybe I never asked for your help!"

"Well maybe you should calm down and recognize that I'm your friend and I'm worried about you!" She shouted back.

Guilt instantly washed over him, pricking his skin. Ty squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry Ali," he whispered.

He wished he could cry. Now more than ever Ty wished he could make himself cry. Over Livvy, over Kit. Over the coming battle. Over everything.

"Do you love them?" He heard her ask. There was no need to ask who she meant.

Ty opened his eyes. This was the thing he never acknowledged. Never said outloud. Never even let himself think it. Because it was terrifying. The acknowledgement of the truth.

The truth was that Ty would probably give his life just to see that adorable smile one more time. That he could tell you how many freckles Kit had because he had spent so many hours staring at Kit and counting them.

The truth was that when Kit held him, he felt closer to anyone then he ever had in his entire life. Ty had sat outside of Kit's door for hours, days even when they had first arrived because he had felt something, even then. Something pulling at him from the other side of that door like a magnet. He told himself it was just curiosity. A scientific curiosity.

It was the only thing that could logically explain Ty's obsession. It wasn't serious. It wasn't-

"I love him," Ty admitted shakily, breaking the silence. Even Alyssa looked a little suprised.

"I'm in love with Kit."

Before Ali could respond, Ty sensed movement by the training room door which they had forgotten to close. Ty instantly whipped around to see who it was, wondering frantically if they had overheard what Ty had said.

Standing in the door frame wearing her Mortica Addams costume for the party, complete with a jet black long wig was Marí.

And the look on their face suggested to Ty that they had heard every word.

I will try and get part 2 up as soon as I can! It will be from Marí's perspective.

The song Ty quotes is Can you hold me by NF.

Tag list: @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies   @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @arangiajoan @queenlilith43 @adoravel-fenomeno

[auroracalisto]

Hi! Ooo Can I please request a Kol x human!fem!Gilbert reader where she’s Jeremy & Elena’s younger sister & when the Mikaelsons come to Mystic Falls, she meets Kol & they have a flirtation with each other that grows into a relationship (bf & gf). He asks her to be his date to the ball at the Mikaelson’s mansion (Damon, Elena, Stefan, & Jeremy would be shook when she walks in with Kol as I’m sure they told her to stay home). Later on, she overhears her siblings’ plan to kill Kol & Finn, so she calls Elijah to warn him that Finn & Kol are in danger & runs out of her house to meet Kol outside (before he reaches the Gilbert’s door) to keep him from coming into her house because she knows it’s a trap. Y/n is able to convince him not walk into the trap and he vamp speeds her to the Mikaelson’s mansion where the rest of his siblings are.

i’m sorry this took me so long, love! </3 but i hope you like it, anyway!!  here’s another tux! kol for this post, pls forgive me for taking so long

When Kol first asked you out, you knew you should have just said no.  After about a month of straight-on flirting between the two of you, you both knew that the feelings were mutual.  However, despite what your siblings and their friends would say, your heart won.  You said yes to the vampire.  

When Kol asked you to the ball, you knew your siblings would be furious.  But you couldn’t keep yourself from saying yes.  Kol was so kind to you—not to mention the fact that you thought he was one of the best-looking people in Mystic Falls.  And despite what you knew would eventually happen that night at the ball, you told your boyfriend yes.  

As soon as the night came around, you attempted to avoid your sister.  She thought you had been acting odd and she had questioned you just hours before—but you ignored her.  You had to get ready for the ball, after all.  You couldn’t show up looking like you had just rolled out of bed.  However, one of the things that Elena had said stuck in your mind: “Don’t come to the ball.”

Your family had all left their separate ways to get ready for the ball.  So you had all the time in the world, or rather, about two hours, to really get ready without any kind of interruption and any kind of speculation on your siblings’ part.  

Arriving at the mansion was the easy part; the hard part?  Was finally coming to terms with the fact that your family would have to see you and your boyfriend for the first time.  But you no longer felt guilty about it—no, you just knew that they would give you hell once you were alone with them again.  

Spotting Kol from across the room, you could feel your heart pounding.  You smiled in his direction, sure that he could hear your heart from where he stood.  

Kol smiled in your direction and came over, gently taking your hand.  He pressed a soft kiss to your knuckles.  

“I do wish that you would have allowed me to come and pick you up,” he said.  

“It was better for me to just drive myself,” you said, grinning up at him.  “Besides, wouldn’t it have been obvious when an Original vampire showed up at my doorstep?”

Kol rolled his eyes and smiled at you.  “Come.  Rebekah has been asking to see what dress you chose.”

You laughed in response and let him lead you along.  It only took a couple steps before you saw Elena and Stefan, watching you in the corner of your eye.  Your heart pounded and Kol just squeezed your hand.  

[]

“Are you serious, [Your name]?!” Elena shouted at you, throwing her hands up as she stared you down.  “The very people who are trying to kill all of us?!  And you’re fucking one of them?  Who the fuck do you think you are?  You’re risking everyone!”

No one stepped in to stop her.  Stefan and Damon just let it happen, and Jeremy just stood by.  There was nothing they could do to calm a raging Elena, anyway.  

“Okay, okay, fair, but why in the hell are you with Stefan?  Why are you friends with Damon?  No fucking offense, but the two of them have killed people too!  Hell, Damon killed someone just the other day!  But because I’m dating Kol, suddenly the world is going to end?  Asking who the fuck do I think I am,” you stared your sister down.  “I’ve never asked why you are friends with the people you’re friends with.  Don’t do the same to me.”

Without allowing her another chance to speak, you rushed off to your bedroom.  You locked yourself in it, not wanting to hear your sister speak anymore.  

[]

It was only about a day later that you heard them talking.  It wasn’t like you had meant to eavesdrop—it’s kind of hard when they talk so damn loud and you’re cooking food in the kitchen. 

They had a plan.  

To kill both Finn and Kol.

Your heart dropped to your stomach when you heard your boyfriend’s name.  You turned off the stove, trying to calm yourself down.  No one came to check on you.  You haphazardly pushed the pot off of the burner and you calmly walked up the stairs, to your room.  As soon as you had shut the door, you grabbed your phone and called the first contact you saw; Elijah.  

For as long as you have dated Kol, you had been friends with his siblings.  They were each lovely to you... even if they did some questionable things.  But Stefan and Damon did, too.  What was the difference?

“Hello?” Elijah’s voice sounded in your ear. 

Your heart pounded.  “Hey, Elijah,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.  You didn’t know if anyone was listening to you.  “I...  I needed to tell you something.  My family.  And... and Stefan, and Damon.  They’re planning something.  They.. want to kill Finn and Kol.  You need to get them out of Mystic Falls.  Keep them somewhere safe—”

You could hear Kol’s muffled voice in the background.  

“What the fuck?” he stared his brother down.  “I’m going to her.”

“Kol, no—“ Elijah started, but before he could say anything else, Kol was gone.  He frowned deeply and continued to speak on the phone.  “I would imagine he’s coming to you.  Please.  Stop my brother.  We will be there momentarily—”

“—no,” you quickly said.  “I’ll get him back to your house,” you said.  You hung up the phone and rushed down the stairs.  Your siblings were still in the living room, talking to the Salvatores.  You watched them for a moment.  They were ready for anything.  Kol would be ambushed if he came into the house.  

You ran through the front door, shutting it as quickly as possible as Kol came up to the property line.  

“Kol,” you choked out, quickly rushing over to your boyfriend.  “Kol, please.  We need to get you back to your house, it isn’t safe here for you.”

Kol went to move past you, but you quickly attempted to stop him, placing your hands on his chest.  

“No,” you breathed out, tears forming in your eyes.  “If you go in there, they’re ready to kill you.  I don’t know how they have it, but I saw it.  I saw the white oak.  We need to get you out of here.  Please listen to me.  I can’t lose you.”

After just a second of debating, Kol looked down at you.  His eyes softened when he saw just how distraught you were about it.  

“Okay,” he said, kissing your forehead.  “Okay.  But I’m taking you back with me.” 

“Please,” you said, managing to grin up at him at this point.  

Kol pulled you into a tight hug, hiding from your line of vision as he glared at the Gilbert household.  He then lifted you up, bridal style.  

“Hold on tight, okay?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in his chest.  Only a moment later did you feel the wind whipping around you.  But you knew one thing was certain.  Kol and his family deserved to live just as much as Elena believed the Salvatore’s deserved to live.  You would do anything for Kol.  You knew that the pounding of your heart was no longer because you were scared for Kol or of your siblings, but that your love for him was stronger than any love you had for your sister and brother.  You would protect Kol, and Kol knew that that was exactly what you did today.  

[pascalpanic]

Cigarette Daydreams

Pairings: young Javier Peña x young f!reader

Inspiration: Cigarette Daydreams by Cage The Elephant

Summary: Javier drives all night in the rain, wondering what went wrong and where. How he lost you, the one woman he’d ever loved. 

W/C: 5.4k

Warnings: language, talk of death, lots of talk of sexual content but nothing explicit, lots of angst, emotions are running high here, talk of poor mental health. this handles some heavy topics so please be warned. set in the 60s so there’s a really brief mention of being drafted. 

A/N: So this is a song I like but it’s really emotional, as is this fic. I just wanted to explore what Javier would’ve been like when he was young. It’s not necessarily all in chronological order but I kind of think it makes sense... let me know if it doesn’t. thank you to all my friends/beta readers who helped me with this one, like @leonieb, @feelingmadclever, @theteddylupinexperience, and a bunch of others :)

Javier smoked his first cigarette with you. It would become a lifelong addiction: the cigarettes, that is. You, on the other hand, were a yearning he could never satisfy. An addiction is something you can feed; you can dull it by giving it exactly what it wants. Javier wanted you, still wants you desperately. The difference is that he cannot have you. 

It’s been years since he last saw you. Since he last heard your enchanting laugh, smelled the warm scent of your hair product as he kissed the top of your head. He thinks about you all the goddamn time. What life would be like now if you hadn’t gone your own way. He misses you like hell, but he’s sure you’re off and married and conquering the world in your own way. He’s never tried to find out. He’s too scared it’s true. 

-

Laredo was more of the place you told people you hailed from. The name was recognizable, easily: oh, you’re from the place where A&M’s other campus is located? Exactly, you’d respond, and it was much less of a hassle. In reality, you and Javier both grew up in a small community out in the farmlands near Laredo. 

You’d grown up with him. Everyone in the town knew you, and they knew Javi equally as well. He was an interest of your community: from the day you took those standardized tests in second grade, everyone knew that Peñita was going places, but his temper held him back. His emotions consumed him. 

He was blonde as a baby; you’d seen in photos, scattered around Chucho’s house. His hair gradually grew darker as he grew older, and your classmates all teased him. You didn’t remember a time where his hair was lighter than a dark blonde, being a child yourself. But it was an evolution that matched him, you had come to realize in your adult years. 

Not only was he smart, he was a born athlete. Javier was always a bit smaller than the other boys, but damn was he quick. He could run and run and no one could match him. That’s what made him so successful in early football training. From the start, Chucho enrolled him in football, despite Alejandra’s weak protests. She gave in when she saw her baby in a helmet and massive shoulder pads, grinning at her with one front tooth.��

You and Javier were not in the same circles as children. He played with the boys on the field, always the running back when they played football or the offense when they played soccer. He had a temper, though. If there was ever a scuffle on the soccer pitch, you could bet Javier was one of the fighters. You, on the other hand, sat in the shade of the elementary school building, reading book after book. 

His mother was beautiful. She had long dark hair that smelled of something exotic and warm, and she had a smile with a dimple in one cheek. She brought treats to your class on his birthday, which was in November. She read books to your class on her assigned story days, Javier cuddled into her side. He adored her. 

Alejandra Peña died when you were in sixth grade. You can remember the way the class was silent the next morning, Javier’s desk empty. You nearly threw up from the emotion when you heard that she was gone. Your eyes blurred with tears. The loss was inconceivable to your twelve-year-old brain. 

You rode your bike past his house that night. There was a lamp on in the room you knew to be his. His silhouette paced back and forth through the small, second-floor bedroom. You didn’t know what you could do or say, and so you rode off through the neighborhood. 

His hair grew even darker after that. What had been a dark blonde became a light brown as middle school progressed. His anger flared up. He would throw punches when the kid acting as referee made a call Javier deemed to be bullshit. 

You were something different. Javier found you fascinating the first time you truly interacted, seated together for a class. You were fourteen then, his face just starting to grow a bit of dark hair on his jaw. You were absorbed by your books, hardly talking to anyone and even sneaking it under the table during lectures. 

One day, he called your name to catch your attention. You didn’t notice it, lost in your own world. He snatched the book from your hands and slammed it on the table. “Hey. Princesa, we got work to do.”

You frowned. “Give it back, Peñita.”

“Only after we finish this assignment. I don’t want homework tonight.” He stuffed the book in his backpack and tossed you a pencil. 

“I won’t do it until you give it back,” you bartered coolly, crossing your arms and sitting back in the chair. “And I have more willpower than you. That’s a fact.”

He glared at you for a moment, the both of you staring the other down. It lasted quite a while, more than you expected. Javier broke first, handing you your book and grumbling over the worksheet. 

You became better partners after that. Javier even apologized for it two weeks later. You forgave him, and something about his smile made your heart flutter around in your ribcage. 

That started the friendship. You’d walk together in the halls, chatting about your parents and sports and homework for the night. Then middle school became high school and things changed between you, even though nothing you did was different.  

Javier had always been a good athlete. He became the first-string running back for the high school, leading them to state his freshman year. When you walked together in the halls now, there was an expectation from the others. Boys and girls only walked together if they were couples, and a star football player was a coveted date. 

You’d explained that to him. “Javi, as much as I love you, and you know I do, people are gonna think we’re together. I don’t want you to have to deal with that,” you’d pleaded. “I’d be ruining your chances. I think it’s better if we walk separately now.”

Javier nodded. He had to play along. He couldn’t let you know that in the past few months, he’d begun to feel things for you he’d never felt before. He had dreams about you at night, the kind where he’d wake up to damp sheets. He’d noticed your body changing, and his changed too. He thought about you when he’d lie awake at night, his hand in his boxers. The hormones were beginning to pump through Javier’s blood in a way that may have never really ever stopped. 

From then on, you’d walk alone in the hall. Your nose was buried in a book at first, navigating it alone. Then you’d made friends, and you’d talk with people as you slammed your locker shut. You’d give Javier a wave, leading him to be roughhoused by his teammates who took him in as one of their own. 

You became different from him. You were known for being an artist and a writer. You embraced the loving spirit of the 60s’ culture and made warm oil paintings of fields and flowers, wrote poetry that won awards, and even wrote a collection of short stories. You weren’t a hippie, but you were artsy. Javi became a bit of a jock. 

The pressure grew to be too much in the middle of Javier’s junior season. It was the end of fall. You were both 17. You’d stopped maintaining a friendship now, far from as close as you’d been in the earlier days. You waved at him in the hall and that was it. It changed when the stress of being an athlete pushed on Javier’s brain until it popped. He quit the team, spending his time after school in his bedroom at home. He no longer proudly wore the team’s t-shirts or his letter jacket. 

You heard about it through rumors. You didn’t talk to Javier. He kept his head down in the halls now. There were dark circles under his eyes. He’d sit in the library for hours, forcing himself to cram knowledge into his brain. If he wouldn’t be going to college for football now, he figured, he’d better get smart fast. 

You’d sat at a table across the library as you worked on your chemistry homework. You glanced up. Javier looked down. He’d been looking at you. You stared at him until he looked up again. “Can I sit with you?” You’d mouthed, and he nodded. A small smile graced his face. 

Packing up your textbook and papers, you dragged a chair over. “Hi, Javi,” you said. Your voice was quiet and painfully soft. 

He smiles a little. “Hey, princesa.”

It’s quiet for a moment, the both of you staring at your papers and pretending like you were working. You weren’t. “I missed you,” you finally admitted after the silence passed. 

His heart skipped a beat. “I missed you too. Probably more than you missed me.”

You shook your head. “I was wrong. I liked walking with you in the halls. I miss that, I miss us,” you admit, your hand resting over his. He looked up at you with the big brown eyes you’ve always loved, and your smile softened. “Your hair is so dark now, Peñita.”

He nodded a little. “It just keeps going. I don’t know if it will ever stop.”

“You’re funny,” you chuckled and retracted your hand. “How have you been? I heard about the football thing.”

He sighed softly. “It was too much. Not me, not anymore. I hated it.”

“Who are you now, then?” You asked quietly. 

He looked up at you. “I don’t know.”

You’d smiled. “I can help you find out.”

-

That’s how your friendship began again.

It wasn’t a friendship for long, not with how you noticed Javier had changed. His hair was that warm, dark, chocolate color, his nose finally fit his face, he’d grown stronger and leaner and taller. He’d acquired a different sense of confidence, a different posture and walk. But it was clear: he was still your Javi. The one who stole your book all those years ago. 

You’d grown even more beautiful over your time apart, he noticed. You’d become self assured and confident too and it showed. You had a little mean streak, and Javier loved it more than life itself. He got a little weak at the knees when you’d tease him. 

He’d become a social outcast, essentially abandoning his place in the social hierarchy that high schools provide. When you knocked on his door a few days later, Chucho answered, slightly confused. “Hello.”

“Hi,” you said, smiling apologetically. “I’m a friend of Javi’s, I’m here to study with him.”

The older man was a mirror of Javier many years from now. He had a strong nose too, and a worn face. It made lines when he’d smiled. “I didn’t know Javi had many friends anymore.”

You shrugged. “Well, I think you’re right. But… I’m here.”

Javi jogged down the stairs, frowning when he saw his father at the door. You came inside and studied and Javier couldn’t help but to beam at you. Studying wasn’t much of studying. As you’d sidetracked the work and started conversing, Javier leaned in as if he was going to kiss you. You stopped him, but kept his face close. “Not now, Javi. I want it to be perfect. But I do want to kiss you.”

He’d panicked when you’d stopped him, but your words reassured him, and he breathed a chuckle. “Sneak out with me tonight.”

You agreed. 

12:30 A.M. rolled around. You pocketed a pack of your dad’s cigarettes and a lighter and rode your bike to the pond nearby. 

Javier sat there waiting. He was wrapped in a leather jacket, jeans covering his long legs as he sat by the side of the pond. Crickets chirped and birds called and when he looked at you, your heart fell apart in your chest. It never really glued itself back together. Not even to this day. 

You sat next to him, and he put an arm around your shoulders. You couldn’t wait any longer, and you leaned in and kissed him and he was absolutely perfect. His soft lips pressed back against yours, those hands buried themselves in your hair. You broke away a second later and both of you grinned at each other. It was only seconds more before he pulled you in for the second kiss you’d ever had in your life. 

That night was not only Javier’s first kiss but the first time he smoked a cigarette. You pulled one thin stick from the pack and placed it between his lips, lighting the end. 

He was a natural at it, unlike you, who’d tried before and choked and spluttered on the smoke. You were better at it now, able to handle yourself. He breathed in and out and passed it to you, and he looked so effortlessly cool and sexy and beautiful that you didn’t take a drag, you grabbed his face and kissed him again. 

You were so many firsts for Javier. His first kiss, his first cigarette, his first fuck. You’d done it in the back of his truck, on a hot night where you parked in a field far from the town and rolled all of the windows down. You finally got to feel his strong body, got to feel his passion for you as he tugged on your lip with his teeth and pushed inside of you. It was sheer bliss for both of you, even if he never made you orgasm that night. 

It didn’t take long for the two of you to figure that out. Javier was a natural, his hands wandering and feeling everything your body had to offer until they found just the right spot to make you cry his name into the hot Texas night. You snuck out with him often, smoked and fucked in his house when Chucho was gone, or by that pond. 

You talked a lot after. You were the first he opened up to about his mother. He missed her like hell. He told you that he wanted to work in some kind of law enforcement. He thought drug enforcement might suit him. You opened up about your own trauma to him, and he held you as you cried into his body. He’d kissed your forehead and told you he promised that nothing would ever happen to you when he’s around, and it was completely believable because Javier was like some deity to you. He was strong and warm and loving and kind and beautiful and you thought, truly, that he could do no wrong. 

He never betrayed that trust either. Javier was a wonderful boyfriend to you in the daylight hours too. You’d study together, go on bike rides or just drive around in his truck. You spent almost every weekend with him. Chucho adored you too, loved your humor and kindness and most of all, your love for his son. Your family didn’t like Javier much, so you simply avoided your house with him. 

Javier was so proud when he first pulled up your driveway in his truck soon after you began again. He worked for the Villafañes down the road as a farmhand, a summertime assistant to the aging man who lived there. He saved his earnings all summer and split the cost with Chucho. He’d had it for 8 months and it had been on the verge of the junkyard the entire time. 

It was a piece of shit, and you both knew it. It was a deep red, rusty and broken down. The shocks were terrible and made it bounce like a bull in a ring. It didn’t matter, because it was his.

He’d pick you up in that truck and drive all night. The two of you sang along to the radio, then would talk, then make out in the backseat and drive again. You loved Javier, and you admitted it quickly. He said it immediately after you. 

People looked at you like you were crazy when you held Javier’s hands in the hall. Wasn’t he a mental case? Who would give up something like he had, and for no apparent reason? You didn’t give a shit, even if your friends told you Javier was no good. They didn’t know him, didn’t know that his middle name was Fernando and he hated it and that his mother’s favorite gem, ruby, was yours too, that Chucho told you Javi wanted to marry you someday or that Javier loved to nudge your neck with his nose after sex, both of you warm with the hot Texan air flowing through his open windows. 

You told them they didn’t get it, and they said you were the one who didn’t. You’ve got everything going for you. Why risk it with the nut job?

Javier remained a pariah, an outcast, but you didn’t give a shit. You called out his name in the hall and waved, sat with him at lunch and laughed until you choked on the terrible school meal. You were loud and affectionate, and it brought Javi back from the fringes of high school society he’d been banished to. 

Javier worked in fields and barns to earn money, building his muscles. You worked in customer service, building your restraint. Your town had opened a drive-in restaurant a few years before, complete with roller-skating waitresses. Being a skilled skater, you signed up. 

It was fun, but a pain in the ass some days. Customer service was rarely enjoyable. 

The highlight of the summer after your junior year was Javier pulling up to the restaurant every few days. “Peñita!” You’d squeal and put in an order for just what he always wanted- strawberry milkshake, double patty cheeseburger, large fries. 

“Hey, Princesa,” he’d mumble back with a small smile, leaning in for a kiss. He looked like a Texan James Dean, white t-shirt cuffed and worn jeans. His dark hair was gelled back, though much of it fell loose from his long day of hauling crops for Don Villafañe. This coolness was contrasted by his shitty truck, dust caking the windows, and the fact that he was far from blonde now. 

You’d fold your arms over his open window and kiss him, tripping over your skates in your excitement. He’d laugh and tease you, and he’d always give you the cherry off the top of his milkshake. You began telling your coworkers to put two cherries on top, so that he could have one too. He still gave both to you. 

During your senior year, Javier gave you his class ring. It was large and bulky on your fingers, thinner than his, but it made you beam with pride as you walked through the halls. You’d cried when he gave it to you, promising he’d replace it with a diamond someday. You knew it would never last that long. 

Senior year was uneventful. You went to prom with Javier, wearing a peach colored dress. Javier wore his father’s tuxedo with a tie to match your color. The photo was awkward but sweet, the two of you clearly in love. You graduated equally uneventfully, and the two of you spent the night in his truck, out in a field, promising sweet nothings through the sound of skin slapping skin. “Here’s to the class of ‘66,” Javier murmured into your neck. 

You had big dreams, and Javier’s were far different. He planned on attending Texas A&M, not far away. You’d earned a fantastic scholarship at a small liberal arts college in Upstate New York. You both knew these things, but Javier seemed determined to make it work. He knew the two of you loved each other; shouldn’t that be enough?

You felt guilty the entire summer. You had anxiety attacks quite a bit, felt that you were leading Javier on. Then, another part of you thought, he must know. He must not believe you could pull off a long distance relationship with only letters and phone calls. 

Javier passed the summer blissfully unaware. He was young and in love: he thought there was nothing that could go wrong. You still spent time together, more than you ever had, in fact. Something gnawed away at your insides as the time passed. 

On the rare days neither of you worked, you’d find somewhere deserted and sit with your legs dangling from his tailgate. You’d nick liquor and cigarettes from your parents and share them, laughing and talking. Planning a future you knew wouldn’t come. 

The day before you left, you spent the day with your boyfriend. You had a picnic dinner, complete with some stolen beers from Chucho’s refrigerator. You sat on a blanket in a nearby field, watching as the afternoon dwindled down to an orange-hazed sky. 

As the sun set, tears formed in your eyes. “Javi?” You asked him softly, your voice cracking. 

“What is it, princesa?” He returned, pulling you closer into his side. The tall grass swayed around you, and you bit your lip to stop from choking out a sob. 

“I love you, Javier. And I always will.” But as you said the words, your actions said otherwise. You removed your class ring from your finger, placing it in his palm. “But, I think… I think we need to be our own people for a while. Maybe someday we’ll meet again. Maybe things will be different, but I’m going to New York and you’re staying here. Fuck, you could be drafted, and I-“

Javier stopped you, pulling away and looking at you in the face. His eyes showed his heartbreak. “I thought we were gonna get married, be together forever.”

You choked out a sob. “Javi, I want to. I do. But I can’t. I can’t live that kind of life.” You wanted to travel, to do things, to live freely and be whoever you wanted. Javier wanted to stay in Laredo and work in law enforcement. The two weren’t compatible.

“There’s nothing stopping you,” he begged, taking your hand in both of his. “Please, I’d move to New York with you, or you could go to A&M with me, please,” he asked, his eyes welling with tears. “You’re the love of my life, baby.”

You couldn’t look at him. The emotion was too much to bear. “Javier,” you whined and pulled your hand from his. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

His heartbroken stare makes you cry harder into your hands. You stood, ready to find your way to the road and walk home. 

Javier caught you by the waist, then removed your hands from your face. “I-I understand. I do. But… kiss me one last time?”

You stared at him, tears staining your face and his cheeks equally damp. You nodded and Javier cupped your face, kissing you slowly and lovingly. It was tender and bittersweet. It was not the way you’d kiss him at the drive-in restaurant or in the back of his truck. It was not the way you’d sneak a kiss goodbye in front of Chucho. It was desperate. You both knew what it meant. Maybe that’s why it lasted so long. 

You broke away and pressed your forehead to his before finding the dirt road and beginning the walk home. You needed to finish packing, and was getting dark. You didn’t dare to ask Javier to drive you home. You feared you might change your mind if you were around him a second longer.

-

Javier never saw you after that. It was partially serendipitous and partially out of effort. 

When he returned home on winter break or for Thanksgiving, he contained himself to Chucho’s house, or he’d see one or two friends he still had. That was about it. If he knew you weren’t in town, he’d go out and have a good time. It would all go downhill if you were there, and he knew it, so he resigned himself to long nights with his father. 

You wanted to see him again. You drove past his house many times when you were home from New York, seeing the light on in his old room again. Every time, you stopped just a little longer than you should have at the stop sign yards from his house. You contemplated pulling into the driveway and begging him to take you back. It never happened. 

Once or twice, you even caught a glimpse of dark-chocolate hair through the front windows of the house. It made your heart stop and your eyes tear up. 

You moved out of town when you graduated. You started a career near your college, far from your hometown that was almost considered Laredo. Your wish was fulfilled. 

Javier’s was too- well, only partially. He stayed in Laredo. He worked in law enforcement there for a while before he got picked to work with the DEA. It didn’t matter what kind of job he got. He didn’t have you, and that made him miserable. 

You’d been the one to save him. Now he didn’t even know if you still had the same last name you did when he slipped his class ring onto your finger, when he murmured your full name and promised one day that he’d get you a gorgeous ruby and diamond band instead of that class ring and he’d change that last name to Peña. 

-

Javier got a new truck recently. It’s nice. The first car he ever bought that wasn’t used, actually. It’s a deep red, the same color of his first car. Ruby, he named it. 

He thinks about you all the goddamn time. Nothing could change that, not time or hookups. He sighs as he thinks about the years since you’ve seen him, while he drives around in the pouring rain. Why? How?

He never slept around in college, too lovesick and still hoping you’d call and want to meet with him, would want to rekindle what you’d had. 

He forced himself to get moving after that. He had a few girlfriends when he worked for the Webb County Sheriff's Office. He even got serious with one. 

Lorraine was beautiful and kind and funny. He loved the way she’d shotgun a beer and then kiss him, her lips tasting of the fermented liquid. She was a good time, a great partier. He asked her out and things went well, he supposed. 

She wanted different things from Javier. He’d been starting to grow restless, wanting to leave Laredo. Lorraine, however, wanted to settle down. She wanted the whole thing: a big ranch-style, a fireplace in the living room, four or five babies with Javier’s brown eyes, running around and laughing. 

As much as he wanted it, he couldn’t. He nodded along and played the game, telling her that he’d do that for her. He’d provide for her and give her all the kids he wanted. He’d be a good father and a great husband and everything would be good. 

It was more to himself that he said those things. He wanted to believe they were true, really, but he had the feeling you’d had years ago. He wanted her, wanted such a calming life, but at the same time, he didn’t want it. He wanted to get out and do things and feared being fenced in. 

He proposed to Lorraine. Got her a nice diamond ring and everything. She’d cried and kissed him and he’d forced himself to smile but it wasn’t genuine. At least she didn’t know that. 

The wedding was planned. It was going to be a grand affair for the town, nearly everyone invited. Everyone was like family to the members of the town. Lorraine got an expensive, fluffy white dress and Javier bought a tuxedo. 

The ceremony was supposed to start at 5:00. Everyone sat patiently as the clock ticked past it. They didn’t know a thing. They didn’t know Lorraine was pacing the church basement, her heart clenched in fear. No one had seen Javier. Not even the groomsmen. 

Then it became 5:10, 5:30. At 5:45, Lorraine’s mother began to quietly tell the church that the ceremony wouldn’t be happening today. The disgruntled attendees left, wondering what happened. 

Javier had ran. He drove out of Laredo, straight for Dallas. He wanted out. He’d left early in the morning, not even saying goodbye to his father. He was already on a plane to Washington D.C. when the bride realized she was no longer getting married today. 

He got a job working for the DEA. They’d offered him one a few months ago, but he’d declined. He wanted to stay in Laredo with Lorraine, he’d bluffed. Things hit the fan when he began training for the new job. 

He fucked every woman in sight. He didn’t care who they were: if they wanted him, he wanted them. He never stopped smoking, developed a love and almost dependence on whiskey. When he went to Colombia, he paid for his first ever escort. 

It was what he deserved, he told himself. The one woman he’d ever loved left him. He had left the one person who ever gave a shit about him. Ruined her life and left her with a sense of anxiety whenever she was in that church’s basement as she remembered. 

He doesn’t deserve attachment. He doesn’t deserve someone caring for him. That’s why he sleeps around. That’s why he’s left so many lovers in the dust. 

Stop thinking about that, Javier tells himself. He whips a U-turn, opening the window and hanging a hand out of it. It forces himself to return to reality, to get out of his goddamn head and to not crash this new truck. The rain pelts his skin and he frowns. It never rains around Laredo, and it’s the one night he’s in town. 

He pulls into the old drive-in restaurant, thinking back to the happy days. He can still see your baby-faced grin as you skated over to him, long legs pushing you along. He could nearly taste the strawberry milkshake on his tongue. It’s closed for the night, since it’s in the early hours of the morning now. 

He jumps as a car pulls into the spot next to him. He looks down, knowing that whoever it is will likely recognize him. Everyone recognizes him around here. He’s not in the mood to talk.

“They’re closed,” a voice calls out from the other car, and Javier’s heart stops. He’d know that voice anywhere, even if it spoke a different language. 

He looks up and his eyes meet yours for the first time in twenty years. They’re still just as beautiful, still glimmering. “Peñita,” you breathe out as it clicks in your mind. 

He’s aged beautifully. His dark hair is neatly pushed back, though it’s a little shorter than he used to keep it. His face has lines now, heavy from the stress of his job. His eyes look weary and tired. 

You get out of your car. Javier does the same. You look at him, standing there, with a new truck that’s the same color of his very first piece of shit pickup. “Nice truck,” you comment. 

He smiles softly. “Thanks. It’s new.”

You walk around the front of your car, eyes wide in disbelief. There’s hurt on his face and you know you’re the cause of it. “Javier… I missed you.”

He looks down at you, now standing right in front of him. “I missed you more.”

You throw your arms around him and hug him tight. Your eyes water with tears as you squeeze him, wishing this moment would never end. He hugs you back, those arms still strong and protective. 

He presses a soft kiss to your head. He mutters his nickname for you quietly. His voice is different now, huskier and deeper. It’s a beautiful sound. His lips are buried in your hair but you can hear it all the same. “Princesa.”

-

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[jeankirstein4ever]

The love I paid for : Strippers and Shiganshina

+ Pairing : Modern!Eren x reader

+ Genre/ warnings : Modern au, Hard core smut Low-key smut , angst , fluff. Tw alcohol use, cursing , drug abuse strippers and sexual topics.

+ Word Count : 1.53k

(Erens Pov)

"I can't believe you Eren, you fucking cheated." "It was just one time Mikasa," She was looking at him, disbelief burned into her face. "Do you even hear yourself right now? It doesn't matter if it was just one time", the sarcasm in her words evident. "You still cheated on me, you fucking scum."  "Okay, and what do you want me to do about it", sounding bored and somewhat nonchalant.  "I-I you're unbelievable you know what we're done. I'm sick of this, I'm sick of your bullshit and being treated like crap by you."

He finally turned his full attention towards her and away from his computer, "Fine but on your way out I need you to pack your things", his voice cold and flat. She was stunned. "You're firing me?" "It's in your contract darling, I'm the reason you have this job if you lose me you lose this job."

"You know what, that's fine I don't care, You're a dick and a shit boss anyway. "Mhm'', he said, returning back to the paperwork in front of him. Mikasa turned sharply, her heels squeaking against the cold tile floor, slamming the door on her way out. Only a few minutes later Jean slowly opened the door, "What was that all about?" "She broke up with me." "Jesus, Jaeger. I'm so sorry man." "it's fine don't worry about it, but I do need your help hiring a new assistant. "Oh come on really", Jean slumped down in the leather seat in front of Eren. Eren looked at him with a quizzical expression on his face. "I just mean that's all you care about, you just got dumped by a girl you've dated for five years and your first thought is getting a new assistant." "Your point being?" "you need to take some time for yourself or do something other than work." "Shouldn't you be doing something other than giving me relationship advice? " "No, I shouldn't come on. After work me, you, Armin, Connie, Levi, and Erwin should go out and get drinks."  "No." "Come on man, it's Friday night, and you have literally no reason not to." "I have a corporate brunch tomorrow."

"Oh bullshit, come on Eren. Come out with us, we'll get drinks and it'll be fun." Eren looked at Jean knowing that he wouldn't stop bothering him until he agreed. "Fine but if anyone gets wasted I'm not driving anyone home." Jean tried to hide the growing smirk but based on the death glare provided by Eren he realized he fucked up. "Jean-" "I'm leaving, I'm leaving." Just as Eren heard the soft click of the door his phone rang, echoing in his office.

"Yes?" "Hey Eren, it's Monica." Her velvety voice made Eren freeze, "How did you get my number?" "Elliot gave it to me. So when are we meeting again dear?" "Never, don't you ever come near me. I-" "Aww come on I heard that that plank of wood you were dating dumped you. You've got no reason to not visit me." "She wasn't a plank of wood", Erens's words mumbled harshly under his breath. "As I told you what we did was and will remain a one-time thing" "Uh, huh. Darling I-" "Goodbye Monica'', then he hung up.

The rest of the day proceeded, as usual, with endless paperwork and meetings. The idea of sleep was more alluring than anything else on the planet but Eren was a man of his word and he pretty much promised to go out drinking. So when Jean and the rest of those who agreed to go knocked on his door, he reluctantly collected his things and left with them.

"So where exactly are we going?" "There's a bar on 47th and then a few blocks away there's a Strip club" Jean answered Armin's question in a sing-songy voice only to be cut off by Eren. "We are not going to a strip club." "Aww come on Eren let loose a bit" "We're not going to a strip club jean", Eren repeated firmly. "Jesus I forgot how scary you are when you're angry." We're gonna have to take separate cars since there's six of us", Jean said as they descended the elevator.

"Why not just take someone's car", prompted Armin. "I plan on getting wasted tonight, I mean I think we're all getting drunk right?, he looked around at the group. They went silent. "Awww come on guys, it's no fun if you guys don't drink." "You don't have to get wasted to have fun, I think you just have a problem", Piped Connie. Jean proceeded to death glare Connie until they got to the parking garage.

After a few moments of bickering mainly between Connie, Armin and jean they decided on getting a cab. So when the cab got there they squished into the car, Armin was practically sitting in Connie's lap, "I still don't understand why we can't just get another cab." His voice was muffled in Armin's back. "Because, brat since you all seem to not understand that in order to use a cab you need to have money to pay the cab driver, I could not afford to pay for all you brats to be seated comfortably." Levi finished a certain snark in his voice. Eren grimaced at Levi's tone, despite the fact that he was Levi's boss he had always slightly feared him. It was only a few minutes drive between the time Jean gave the directions and the time that the cab driver pulled over to let them out into the bar.

Now when Jean had mentioned that he wanted to go out drinking, Eren had in no way envisioned something classy but this, this was on a whole other level of shitty. They were in the Shiganshina District, which was known for their frequent shootings and drug rings. "Why Shiganshina?"Armin questioned, his voice shaky. "Oh, calm down Armin it's not that bad just don't do anything too stupid. "You're one to talk, Jean" Jean snapped his head back at Eren but was silenced by Connie shoving him into the bar, everyone following suit. The outside of the bar was spotless compared to the inside. The carpet flooring was caked in years worth of vomit and alcohol, the occasional spot of blood here and there. "Tch", Levi's face obvious with disgust. "I know it's not the cleanest but it was the closest to the strip club." "We're not going to a strip club." "Uh, huh", Jean pretended not to hear Erens remark and proceeded to sit down in one of the booths before pestering one of the seemingly high waitresses for a round of beers.

Eren had finished 3 beers within the first twenty minutes of them being there but that was nothing compared to the likes of Connie and Jean who had both independently downed eight beers and were working on their ninth. Considering that Eren had only drank a few beers the effects of the alcohol seemed to be working pretty fast, he was starting to feel slightly fuzzy and his thoughts seemed to be muffled under the sound of his heart and the noise of the bar.

Armin was completely trashed on the other hand, Armin as long as Eren had known him was a lightweight, he had only finished one beer and was currently nursing his second but was in a complete array of emotions. For a solid seven minutes he was laughing uncontrollably about seagulls' looks when they fly which turned into him sobbing uncontrollably about how he missed the ocean. Erwin was going on an angry rant about how mismanaged government funding was , Levi sat there silently agreeing with him the whole time.

Despite the fact that it was probably a bad idea, they continued ordering more rounds of beer until Jean began a very drunken speech. "We are brought here in sorrow and in celebration of Eren Jaeger, while he has lost his girlfriend of five years -hic- he has newly entered the dating pool and that's a cause to cheer for." The chaotic overlap of the rest of the men yelling caused the rest of the bar to look over at them. Erwin tried to drunkenly shush the group but that only resulted in them yelling louder at Erwin, "Shut up old man." "Yeah old man." The bartender glared at them, practically yelling at them , "Hey if you assholes don't shut up I'm gonna kick you out." "Yeah Jean." "Thats it all of you out." "Aww come on-" "Now."

Everyone hurried out of the bar careful not to stumble over their own feet. Armin almost face planted into the concrete but luckily Erwin was able to grab him by the back of the shirt. "Well , where do you guys wanna go now?" "Home", whined Armin. Eren felt electric, like there was a fire going on under his skin and he didn't want it to stop, he wasn't ready for it to stop. It was like the words came spilling out of him before he could understand or even think about what he was saying, "Lets go to the strip club."

[poodlejoonas]

Dad!BC AU - before and after

Because I’m feeling so soft tonight, I wanna share my thoughts on the guys before and after they become dads. Everyone knows that kids change people, but sometimes the change is nice and wholesome. 

I blame Joel and his sentimental edgy ass for that post on Instagram earlier.

(Under the read-more for length)

As the first dad of the group, Joonas was terrified of what the change would bring for him and Kirsten. He knew he would make his mistakes and he dreaded the day they would come. He was afraid that he was too immature to be a father - he read the comments online about him as a punk, about his Danish girlfriend who could barely read the hate comments written about her, and about their baby and how so many people “wished the poor girl luck” in dealing with a childish father like him. On top of that, Kirsten’s parents were begging her to leave Finland and him so they could help raise Sohvi because they thought they could do a better job than him. He was motivated to become the best dad he could be to prove them all wrong, but also to give his daughter the best life she deserved. He admits to his mistakes in the early days of fatherhood - he knows he should have been kinder to Kirsten when she was struggling mentally as a new mom.

Years later, with their third child on the way, the first two are a little bit older and they adore the hell out of their dad. Sohvi loves music like him and unapologetically stands her ground on the things she believes in. Lukas is a cannonball of a personality who loves the ice and playing hockey as much as his cousin Enkka. And the youngest of the Porkos, Jakob (aka “Jaska”) grows up to enjoy the softer things in life - reading, baking, knitting, and cuddling on a lazy day. Even through his busy schedule, he makes time to make memories with each of them in a way that matters to them - jamming out with Sohvi, skating with Lukas, and reading bedtime stories to Jaska. They all take his punk attitude, the very thing that many people used to discount his abilities to raise one child, let alone three. His family is perfect, and he realizes now that he had nothing to fear when he held his daughter for the first time.

--

Joel had never given the thought of a family of his own much consideration. He was too busy being a rock star and conquering the world, and he was afraid of what the change after having a kid would look like for him. He wanted to be happy for Joonas when he told the group in Rotterdam that he was going to be a dad, but he was afraid of losing his best friend to an uncertain future. He grew to love his niece, after some time and a little bit of effort on his part, but he still thought they just weren’t for him.

When he went out on a blind date with Emilia Peltonen months later, he wasn’t expecting it to go anywhere from there. But she gave him a second chance, and a third, and so on, until they were finally living together. Milli finally asked him what he thought of the idea of having kids, and he thought he needed “some time” to think on it. It took him all of about 12 hours to make up his mind, but they waited almost a full year before they were finally successful. In that time, he asked her to marry him, regardless of whether a baby would even come along. Still, he had his doubts about his own abilities to give his son a happy life - he was impatient and snappy, his mental health would fall apart some days, he was never the most affectionate person. And yet, none of that matters to little Viktor; Joel is his idol and, in his mind, he’s the coolest guy on Earth and he wants to be just like him someday. He teaches Enkka to skate and fosters his love for hockey and music. When Enkka needs a hug, either when he’s sleepy or he just woke up from a bad dream, he knows his dad will be there to catch him. So many people love to see that he went from being a dark edgelord online with a pessimistic sense of humor, to being the best dad and husband of their group whose public presence is covered with the signs of his pride in his family. Joel’s transformation surprised so many people, but the change was a welcome sight.

--

(TW: mention of miscarriage)

Niko wanted to be a dad from the beginning. When he dated Jenna in high school, the hopeless romantic in him dreamed of their little family and the future they would build together. He was devastated when they went their separate ways, thanks to their very different paths in life. He gave up on his dream of their little ones, until they crossed paths again. He knew he would be a fool to give up his second chance. He was overjoyed to learn that Jenna was pregnant with their first child; unlike the first two dads, he had no fears in the back of his mind that he would be a good one. As soon as he stepped into his house, he turned off the rock star Niko the world sees, and became Leevi’s dad and Jenna’s husband with every ounce of his being.

They made a promise to each other: when Leevi says his first word, it’s time for baby number two. Blissfully unaware of his parents’ plan to give him a sibling, Leevi watched Rommi walk by and blurted out his first word: kissa! Within two months, they were expecting their daughter to round out their little family. Lahja Rose was born the next February, two weeks past her original due date. Her father was a little heartbroken - she was supposed to be born on his birthday, hence the name Lahja (“gift”). But he was happy to finally have his little Rose to pay tribute to his favorite film (even if people made their fair share of jokes about it). They hit their first real snag as a family when, between 6 and 11 months, Lahja lived with on/off inner ear infections. Her parents did everything they could to help relieve her pain, eventually opting for surgery to fix it. Niko was a wreck for the full five months, refusing to leave his family’s side and being more than willing to fight anyone who disrespected his decision to have privacy with his family. Niko helped Jenna through the painful process of losing what would have been their third child. They mourned, they healed, and they decided that they were at peace just having their two.

--

Olli wanted to be a dad, but he was terrified when he learned he had two on the way. Kaarina wanted to laugh at his adorkable response to the news - “count them again” - but she knew his fears were valid. She’d known this man since they were children, and his response to the news was typical of him as an anxious mess under his cool and seemingly collected personality. Her fears were the same; after all, she had no idea what changes were to come for her health. But both girls had a hold on his heart long before they were even born. Olli was willing to do anything to make Riina and the twins feel comfortable until their arrival a week before Christmas. The moment Elina was placed in his arms and he saw the way Elisabet fit in Riina’s, he wondered where those fears even belonged now.

Well... just a little more than three months later, when he was convinced he’d gotten his wife pregnant again, Olli was rightfully scared shitless. He loved his girls, but he couldn’t have three kids before the first two even celebrated their first birthday. Having narrowly dodged that nightmare, he took all the next steps to ensure that it never happened again. He was happy with his two, and so was Riina. The Matelas spend their summers at their beach home, the twins developing as much of a love for the ocean as him. They wear the best coordinated outfits - but not matching though, Olli and Riina want them to maintain their own personality outside of being twins. He’s more than happy to let them put a tiara on him and invite him to their “garden tea party” in their shared room. It was tough at first, but he soon became a master of carrying one in each arm while they felt tall and safe with him. But he can be a bit strict with them sometimes; he loves them, but he doesn’t want them to follow in his footsteps as a rock star. He knows it can be difficult and fun, but he doesn’t want his daughters to fall victim to the lifestyle. And yet, Elisabet was determined to forge her own path in music, while Elina took to the ice like Lukas and Enkka as a figure skater. There was no use in trying to stifle their dreams. Olli’s proud of his girls, and he’s always wanted them to be happy.

--

Tommi’s family came pre-started. He was introduced to Marja Oksanen, a single mom to a young son who escaped a dangerous relationship with the father of her child. She was afraid that learning about her son would drive him away, that he wouldn’t bother with a single mom if she couldn’t put their relationship first. But Tommi loved this woman already, and someday he was sure he would love her son. He had his reasons to be wary around the boy since he’d never had a father figure in his life (outside of his Uncle Niko for the year or so that Marja and Miikka lived with him and Jenna). He let Miikka accept him first, and he waited for his cue before he grew into his role as his step-dad.

He readily agreed when Marja asked him if he wanted a baby with her (or “another cub” to fit the bear theme they adopted for their family). Tommi would have been happy to have several cubs with her. But when her pregnancy with Anna left her on constant bed rest and their daughter was born a month earlier than she should have, he couldn’t put her through that stress again. Marja’s health mattered more than the thought of a large family. Besides, he was more than happy with “Baby Bear” (Miikka) and “Cub” (Anna), because despite the fact that Miikka was not his son by birth, he was his son by love. And he was willing to defend that from anyone who dares to insult their family dynamic. Tommi is a master of being a dad; his energy calms both kids down when they’re stressed or in need of some love and understanding. It’s not an uncommon sight to see him with one on either side of him as the three of them relax in his recliner. So many people know Tommi as a man with a tough exterior, who doesn’t let his emotions show, doesn’t talk much, and doesn’t garner much attention in a room. But Tommi with his children is a different person altogether. He shares a side of him that belongs to his family.

--

As the last to become a dad, Aleksi had a wealth of experience to rely on when he needed help with his son. He made the difficult decision to voluntarily become a single dad when his ex-girlfriend Laila expressed zero desire to become a mother. He endured so much stress and heartache in the process, from Laila dragging him in the media over his decision to announce the pregnancy to being banned from Noah’s birth altogether. He first laid eyes on Noah when he was just under an hour old, having only been held by the nurses who prepared him to meet his father. He spared no expense in spending two nights in the hospital with him in a suite, even when Laila had long checked out and left without saying goodbye to either of them.

He felt a twinge of shame when he accepted help from Joonas in taking care of his son. He wanted to do it by himself and prove that he could be a good dad alone. But having a village of friends behind him helped ease him into everything that fatherhood would throw at him. When Noah is diagnosed on the autism spectrum when he’s three, Aleksi immediately learns everything he can to understand his son better. He becomes his biggest defender when people try to push him out of his comfort zone, telling him that they can respect his decision to wear his noise-cancelling headphones when he needs them or they can leave both of them alone. He learns sign language to communicate with Noah whenever he goes mute and he shows solidarity when Noah stims in public. He stays out of the dating scene for years to stop a revolving door of strangers from coming around his son who is shy around new people and lives with separation anxiety from losing his mother at a young age. But Hanna Laaksonen was the perfect exception, as a child psychologist with a Master’s degree in early childhood development. The rest of his friends watched as Aleksi fell in love with her and as Noah began to call her Mom. Still, Aleksi always put Noah first, the same as he always had, and Hanna respected that fact.

[nathanknowsitall]

Dedicated

Summary: Harry asks what your favorite song off of Fine Line is.

Notes: This is set in December 2019, post-Fine Line release. Happy one year of Fine Line! Hope you enjoy! <3

“Harry, your album is just absolutely perfect! I’m a little bit jealous that we didn’t get to listen to it sooner honestly...”, your friend said, teasing. 

Your couple friends had invited you and Harry to go on a double date to celebrate Harry’s album coming out. After you had gone out to dinner, you both were hanging out at their house and drinking wine as the vinyl edition of Fine Line played in the background. 

Harry was extremely embarrassed about the whole thing, from the way that most of the conversation at dinner had been about him to the fact that you had cheered drinks “to the wonderful Harry Edward Styles” to the way that Fine Line was playing in the background right now. 

His blush was faint as he thanked your friend for the compliment while sipping on his wine glass. You rubbed his leg as you made eye contact with him, making sure that he was alright. He smiled back at you, mouthing “I’m fine” as he winked at you.

“But you got to listen to it early, right, Y/N?”, your friend said. You nodded as you made eye contact with Harry again. 

“Yeah, I did...It’s so special, H”, you elaborated as you touched Harry’s face for a second, just selfishly needing the intimacy. His eyes filled with warmth and surprise at your praise. He hadn’t known that you had listened to it early or at all but hearing the praise from your lips was divine.

“Aww...that’s so sweet. You guys are awfully in love”, your friend joked at the PDA.

“Yeah, when are you getting married? We could both be married couples then!”, her husband joked. 

Both you and Harry had that wide eyed, deer caught in the headlights look as you looked at them. A little bit of wine had even spilled out of Harry’s mouth and onto his linen shirt. 

Your friends hysterically started laughing at you two, making you and Harry laugh as well. 

“Well, I think we got that one answered!”, your friend joked as she went to go get something for Harry’s shirt in the kitchen. 

“We sure did!”, her husband added, as he stood up. “Who wants some dessert?”, he offered. 

“Yes!”, you and Harry both said at the same time, making each other laugh as you walked into their kitchen hand in hand. 

-

After you said goodbye to your friends, you and Harry walked to the car hand in hand, happy as can be.

As Harry drove you back to his house, you couldn’t help but admire him. He was such a talented person and yet he was still so humble about all of his success, blushing about it whenever anyone even mentioned it. He made a point of being kind to everyone he met even when they weren’t so kind to him. He never made anyone in his life feel neglected despite being a famous rockstar. He was so open to learning from others in order to become a better person that it was inspiring. You could think of a million reasons why you loved his personality before you would even think to mention his looks, even though he was the most beautiful person ever. 

He made sure you felt equal to him in all respects. He respected your boundaries and you respected his. He never pressured you to change for him. He never made you feel bad about yourself, no matter how bad you were fighting. He never made you feel like he was embarrassed of you, no matter how awkwardly you acted in front of his famous friends or when you couldn’t get a full sentence out when meeting his mom for the first time. He made you feel admired emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually, in every way.

As you got out of the car and into his house, your thoughts wandered back to the conversation you had earlier with your friends. You knew it was too early to consider marriage, you had only been dating for a couple of months, but you were sure that Harry was the love of your life. Even if you never got married or even broke up, you knew there was always some part of yourself that would be dedicated to Harry. 

As you wandered outside into the backyard, you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about Harry and what a future with him would look like. 

After a while, you felt two arms come up from around you and a head sit on your shoulder. 

“You’ve been quiet all night, love. What’s happening in here?”, he said as he kissed your temple. You felt yourself blush at the thought of telling Harry about how you were thinking about what a wonderful father he’d be. 

“I’ll tell you later, but I need to know about you right now. Are you okay? I know that it was...a lot for you tonight...”, you said, as Harry lightly giggled. 

“I’m okay, baby...it’s was just...a bit much”, he said honestly. You nodded then laid your head on his chest, swaying slightly. This was something that you had learned was comforting for him. 

“But also...I’ve been thinking about what you said about the album...”, Harry said. 

You pulled apart from him, looking at him in the eyes, curious about what he meant. 

“I meant what I said, Harry. I absolutely I love it”. Harry seemed embarrassed but satisfied as he smirked at you. 

“Oh, so you’re a fan?”, Harry cockily said as he winked at you, making you suddenly feel very shy as you looked down and buried your face in his chest. 

Harry must’ve known that you listened to his music, but you had never really discussed it in depth with each other. You had never really admitted that you were a fan of his. 

You never told him that when you cleaned, his music filled your house. You never told him that his music was prevalent throughout your playlists. You never told him that you had bought his albums despite the fact that you knew Harry would get them for you for free. You never told him that you had cried, laughed, and sang loudly to his songs in your free time. 

“And so what if I am?”, you said, teasingly, challenging Harry. You lifted your head from his chest and looked into his eyes. They seemed to be searching your eyes, looking for some trick or joke in them. You just stared at his, admiring as his pupils dilated. 

“If you’re such a fan, you must have a favorite song...”, Harry teased. 

“Well...I have a lot of favorites...”, you teased back.

“How about from your first listen?”, he specified. “The early listen you got? Hmm? What was a standout for you?”, he teased. 

You hid your head in his shoulder, embarrassed about how you basically jumped at the opportunity when Jeff offered to let you have a listen. You could tell that Harry wasn’t mad or angry or had any hard feelings about it, but you also knew that Harry would probably never let it go if he knew what a fan of him you were.

“Umm...I liked Cherry a lot...”, you whispered into his ear. You could hear his breath hitch and you started to rub his back, trying not to freak him out. 

“You don’t feel weird knowing that it’s about my ex?”, he whispered.

You immediately shook your head, “Never Harry. I never would be.” 

You heard him audibly let out a sigh. You giggled a bit as you separated from him, holding his hands instead as you looked at him. 

“It’s just such a beautiful song about love and exes and loving too hard and heartbreak and seeing them with a new person and-It’s so good Harry”, you said as you looked at where your hands were linked.

“You don’t think it’s pathetic?”, he asked shyly.

“Isn’t that the point of it?”, you said as you raised your head up to see him. He still had his head down, looking guilty and embarrassed. You came up to him and hugged him, placing your head on his shoulder. 

“I love you so, so, so unbelievably much Harry. I don’t care if every song you release is about someone else, as long as I know that you’re as in love with me as I am with you right now.”

Harry pushed you softly off of him and you looked into his red-rimmed eyes. 

“I am so in love with you, Y/N. You make every day of my life better. You make me feel so comfortable and loved and special even when I come home from work late and complain about things that are so stupid and petty you still listen. I love when we get to spend the night together and you lay on my chest while we watch romcoms. I love when you let me take care of you when you come home from work and let me make dinner and make a bath for you. I love you so much I can’t believe that we only met a few months ago and-I was going to save this for our one year anniversary, but I can’t wait any longer-will you marry me, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N?”. He said as went down on one knee, slipped a red velvet box out of his jacket, and opened it to reveal a gorgeous ring. 

You felt your heart beat so fast as you put your hands over your mouth. He looked expectantly up at you, eyes watery, yours probably no better. You swallowed hard, finally letting out a small “Yes.”

[puckinginsane]

Stargazers

Jamie Benn one shot

The moment Jamie knew he was going to propose to his girlfriend he knew he would want to involve her daughter in some way. In every way. He wanted her to be involved as much as possible. Not only does he love Samantha like his own, but he is clueless about how to go about it and Sammy is five years old going on fifteen. She has all of the answers, even to questions he never asks. She’s the perfect partner in crime to plan the perfect proposal for the perfect woman.

He never thought in a million years that he would date a single mom and he sure as hell would never admit to believing in love at first sight, but when he saw her for the first time it was as close as one could get to it. He thought he was in love before. Hell, he thought he’d never fall in love again, but this love is way different. This is that once in a lifetime love you always dream about but never think is actually possible. 

It was three years ago when they first met. Gabriella was out with the ladies of the single moms club she was a part of. Once a month the ladies of the single moms of Dallas club would go out for some fun, food, and drinks. That night they just happened to go to the same Texas Rangers baseball game as Jamie, his brother Jordie, and his friend Justin. It was one last hurrah until Jordie had to leave Dallas for the start of the hockey season. Neither of them had any idea they would be finding true love that night. 

The game had gone into extra innings and both of them had a good amount of drinks over the course of the night, feeling loose, and the Rangers wound up winning. Everyone walking along the concourse was giving the people passing them in the opposite direction high fives in celebration.

Jamie had his hand up high fiving one person after the other after the other. With the alcohol coursing through his veins he was feeling exceptionally personable, he usually keeps to himself and his inner circle exclusively.

When they got to each other they went for the high five, Jamie missing Gabriella’s hand entirely and smacking her in the face, he was horrified. Both of their groups stopped in their tracks to make sure she was ok. Jamie was profusely apologizing while she was laughing her ass off. 

“I am so sorry. I don’t know how that happened. Are you sure you’re ok?” As a professional athlete Jamie is no stranger to high fives and handshakes so it’s lost on him what went wrong, especially when he had connected with every other person  before her. It couldn’t possibly be that just for a second he got lost in her beauty and forgot where he was, right? Perhaps she got lost in his looks too since she missed as well.

“I don’t think anything’s broken. You’re off the hook.” Sure, she could be annoyed that some random guy smacked her in the face, but what’s the point in that? It was clearly an accident. She couldn’t help laughing it off. It was pretty funny, after all. She was still laughing about it, in fact, something that Jamie noticed. 

“I feel terrible. Really. I can’t apologize enough.” He was extremely embarrassed and felt horrible for hitting her.

“No need. I’m fine.” For a few seconds they locked eyes and stared at each other, not saying a word. She let a bit of a smile slip, which made him smile back no matter how hard he tried to fight it. She had finally taken the time to really look at him and realized that this random guy was really handsome. Maybe it really was her lucky night. “Do you wanna try again?”

He looked down at the ground, unsure if he wanted to try again after that. “Oh, I dunno.”

She held her hand up for another high five, hoping he’d go for it. She didn’t want him to leave feeling bad about what happened. It really wasn’t a big deal. If anything it would be a funny story to tell her friends the next day. He softly high fived her with a little grin on his face. He could finally admit to himself that this was a little amusing. 

After talking for a few minutes they started to get herded off by security and before going their separate ways they wound up taking a picture together, with the help of the suggestion by her friend. The picture was cute and it was texted to her right away. She immediately thought about posting it on Instagram. The story had to be told to her friends and family. 

“Are you on Instagram? I’ll tag you in it.”

Jamie hesitated. He wasn't sure he wanted to be tagged, not because he didn’t like her but because he didn’t like the idea of just anyone being able to see it. Justin nudged him, breaking him out of his thoughts. “Live a little.” Jamie continued to be silent so Justin thought he would take matters into his own hands. “It’s jamiebenn14.” He watched as she typed it in. “Two n’s. Yup, like that.” He knew he could always remove the tag before anyone saw and he’d still have her name so Justin’s life was safe. That didn’t stop Jamie from glaring at him, though. “You’re gonna tell your grandkids about this one day. Don’t forget to mention that I helped.” Jamie shoved him and they all had a good laugh as they made their way out to the parking lot.

**

It took Gabriella a few days to send Jamie a message, and after a few weeks of talking back and forth through DMs on Instagram they decided to go on a date. Despite him being pretty shy at first and she was being pretty cautious they felt an instant connection. Jamie immediately let his walls down and became comfortable enough with her to let his personality shine by the end of the night. Gabriella couldn't resist his charm and his dry sense of humor. A sucker for sarcasm, she didn't stand a chance.

They really liked each other after the first date. They didn't want the night to end. They wound up sitting in front of her house talking until morning. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this way about someone, which scared her. She wasn't sure if she was ready for it. Ready to let someone into her life, into her heart. She wasn't sure if she was ready to fall in love again, possibly get hurt again. Him being a professional athlete made it so much more difficult. She wasn't sure if she could handle it, so even though she really liked him she made the decision that she wouldn't see him again.

Jamie’s schedule and him being in the spotlight was something she couldn't get past. She didn't want to spend her days missing someone. She was looking for an eventual partner and she wasn't sure that he could be that for her. She quickly realized that no matter what, she missed him. The more she fought against it, the harder it became to cut him out of her life. Missing him knowing she’d at least be seeing him again is way better than missing him for the rest of her life.

Jamie understood her decision. It's not easy dating a professional athlete. He knew that. Even though she made him happy and he had a sense of freedom to be himself that he never felt with a girl before he had to let her go. It was one of the hardest things he's had to do. He had gotten so used to talking to her at night before bed or after practice or a game. She had become a part of his routine so quickly and he wasn't sure how he was going to be able to push her out of his mind.

Luckily for Jamie he didn't have to figure it out for long. He was on the road when he got the text from her asking if he was busy. Part of him wanted to jump on a plane and fly down to see her but life doesn't work like that. He told her he'd be back in town in five days and the first thing he'd do is take her out to lunch. She hated that she had to wait but it's not like she had a choice. She had been missing him and she'd just have to miss him a little bit longer.

As soon as he got back to Dallas he made good on his promise and took her out to lunch. He was so relieved that she wanted to see him again and hoped that she would be willing to give him a chance to prove that he was worth it and that he'd spend all of his free time making her as happy as she made him. As soon as she walked in the door of the restaurant he gave her the biggest hug and that was it, she was hooked, she knew that even though it will have its challenges life would be so better with him in it than without. Lunch turned to dinner and dinner turned into forever. They both knew that they had found something special and didn’t want to let it go.

**

It took Gabriella a few months to decide when would be a good time for Jamie to meet Samantha. She didn't want to bring someone into her life that would leave, but working around her schedule was getting more and more difficult and she was already falling in love with him. Sammy was two so the concept of boyfriend versus friend wasn't something she would understand anyway. She was comfortable as long as they were careful and moved slowly. 

Jamie was the most nervous he's ever been that day. It just had to go smoothly. He had no reason to be. He has nieces and most of the time he feels more comfortable with kids than adults. But this wasn't just any kid, this was her kid. She had put her trust in him and he didn't want to let her down. It was also really important to him to get along with Samantha because he wanted to be in their lives on a more permanent basis. 

Gabriella was pretty nervous herself. She obviously knew Jamie was aware she was a mom, but he had never actually seen her be a mom. She was worried that maybe once he saw her as a mom that his view of her would change, that maybe he wouldn’t want her anymore, that dating a single mom would be too much for him. She knew Samantha would love him, she loved everyone, and Jamie is easy to love. She had seen how he interacts with kids and knew that he was a natural. She just wasn’t sure if it being her kid would make it different. She loves the way he looked at her and she didn’t want that to change.

He stood in the toy store at the mall trying to find the perfect toy he would give Samantha when he got there, not knowing exactly what the perfect toy would be since he had never met her before. He could hear Gabriella’s voice in his head telling him she’s two and any toy would be fine, but he wanted it to mean something. He finally saw a glimpse of purple and he remembered that she had told him that Samantha was obsessed with anything purple so he grabbed the super soft purple stuffed bunny and knew he found what he was looking for. 

When she opened the door she gave him the warmest hug. All of her hugs are his favorite. They make him feel safe and loved. She saw the bunny in his hand and smiled. “She’s going to love that.”

“I hope so.”

They walked into the living room where Samantha was sitting on the couch and watching cartoons. She turned the TV off so Sam could concentrate on Jamie. Jamie slinked into the room and sheepishly waved to Samantha before squatting down in front of her. “Hi, I’m Jamie, it’s nice to finally meet you. I brought you a bunny.”

He handed her the bunny and she took it from him and hugged it. “Popo bunyee.” Her way of saying purple bunny. It melted his heart.

Gabriella sat down on the couch next to Samantha. “Can you say thank you to Jamie?”

Samantha climbed down off of the couch. “Fank you, Damie.” She hugged him and that was it for him, he was in love with the little girl and her mom.

“You’re very welcome. I hope you like it.”

Gabriella smiled proudly at how well her daughter did. “We’ve been working on saying your name.” 

“You have?”

“We have.”

"That's so...I love you." That was the first time he had said it to her. He wasn't planning on telling her right then and there but he just couldn't hold it in any longer. 

She had been wanting to hear those words from him since the moment they met. She was too scared to tell him first, unsure if he felt the same way, worried about jumping the gun. "I love you too."

Samantha too had to get in on the loving action, being the little sponge brain that she was and repeating a lot of what her mom would say. A little “I love you” squeaked out and made both her and Jamie laugh. It was right then and there that Jamie decided that these two were his family and he was never going to let them go.

**

There came a point in their relationship that they decided that the back and forth just wasn’t working for them anymore. He didn’t want to sleep alone. He didn’t want to have to say goodbye to Gabriella or Samantha. Between his busy schedule and her trying to find some free time, living apart was more trouble than it was worth. It was time to move in together. They had multiple conversations about it, making sure that it was the right thing for them and for Samantha. They were on the same page. This is what they both needed and wanted. Samantha was young enough where she would adapt easily and it would soon become the only life she’d know.

Not only was it getting hard on her to say goodbye, but it was getting harder and harder on Samantha. She was too young to understand why Jamie kept leaving and seeing her cry every time was breaking his heart.

In preparation to officially ask her he cleared out one of the bedrooms that he thought would be perfect for Samantha and painted the walls lavender. He couldn't be more excited about it. They had plenty of discussions about the possibility of moving in together so he had no doubts she'd say yes. He wanted to make this grand gesture to show that Samantha was just as important to him as she was, not that there was any doubt, she knew.

Sometimes he would have date nights alone with Gabrielle and other times the three of them would have a nice night together. This was one of those nights where they were going to his house for dinner and a movie. Jamie had it all planned out, a movie for Samantha and a movie for the grownups for after she falls asleep. Usually they would have dinner delivered if they stayed in, but that night he would be cooking for them.

As soon as he opened the door Samantha's arms were around his leg. She always made sure she was the first to give him hugs. He picked her up and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. "Hey munchkin! Are you ready for date night?"

"Yes!" Samantha exclaimed as she threw her arms around his neck. 

He peeked around her at Gabriella. "Oh, hey, you're here too." 

"Someone had to drive your girlfriend here."

He smiled before carrying Samantha inside and placing her down on the couch so he could give Gabriella a proper greeting. "You can stay if you want," he teased as he hugged her. 

“Imagine if you were actually as funny as you think you are,” she quips back. She always puts him in his place when he’s being sassy and sarcastic, one of the many reasons he fell in love with her. She never fails to make him laugh. And laugh he did before cradling her face in his hands and kissing her tenderly. It was then she realized she could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. “Are you cooking?”

“I thought we could stay in tonight. Is that ok?”

“It smells great. It’s perfectly ok.”

His plan was to ask her after dinner but he started to get anxious and knew he wouldn’t be able to act normal or concentrate while they ate so he checked the timer to make sure he had enough time to show her right then, and he did, so he picked Samantha up. “I have something to show you guys upstairs.”

She followed behind him up the stairs, curious as to what he was up to and not a clue what it could be. They stepped into the room and she was taken aback, knowing that the room was painted for Samantha. There could be no other explanation. Samantha looked around the room with wonder. So much purple. It was a room Samantha was already familiar with since she would sleep in it if they stayed over, which didn’t happen too often. Gabriella looked at Jamie in disbelief, waiting for an explanation.

“I know we’ve been talking about moving in together so I wanted to take the first step. Do you think we could start moving her stuff in here?”

She couldn’t help laughing to herself at the way he was asking, of course it was about Samantha. She hugged him so tight. She could never begin to thank him for treating Samantha as his own the way that he does. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

He kissed her forehead with all of the love in his heart. “I’m asking both of you to move in with me. I don’t want to live another day where I’m watching you walk out that door and I sleep alone.”

She rubbed her thumb along Samantha’s cheek. “What do you think? Should we live with Jamie?”

“Yeah. Live with Jamie.”

“You heard the girl. We’re moving in.”

Jamie could not have been happier while he squeezed both of his girls and kissed them all over their faces. He could have stood in that moment forever but the alarm on his phone went off. Dinner was ready. He kissed them both one more time and they headed back downstairs to celebrate. 

**

Gabriella still goes out with the girls once a month and when that time comes Jamie and Samantha always plan a fun night together. Tonight is no different, except Jamie has done all of the planning. Tonight is the night he asks Samantha if it would be ok with her to ask her mom to marry him. He has been thinking long and hard about how he was going to do it, what he would say, where he would take her, and he hasn’t been able to figure it out on his own. Asking Samantha for her help seems like the perfect way to include her, and it couldn’t hurt getting her opinion on how he should go about doing it.

He loves his nights with Samantha. They have so much fun together. He sees so much of Gabriella in Samantha. He thinks she’s the most incredible mother and can’t wait to add to their little family. First thing’s first, though, he has to ask her to marry him. He wanted to make it as special for Samantha as he could so he ordered a single rose from his go to flower company. They put it in a little box, where it lasts a very long time. Of course he had to get a purple rose, as it still is her favorite color.

Luckily for Jamie Samantha has picked up his affinity for Mexican food and his favorite Mexican restaurant has become hers too. He has no doubts that this is where he’d take her, this is where they go during most of their date nights. She thinks they’re a little obsessed. Jamie just likes to stick with what he knows is good. Samantha is just happy to be there and isn’t too picky about food.

The whole time they’re at dinner all Jamie wants to do is go back home and tell her the big news. The flower has already been delivered. He already has the ring. He can’t wait to see Samantha’s face when he tells her. Over the last three years they have become so close and he just considers her his daughter. He’s been the only man in her life that she can remember so as far as she’s concerned he’s her dad. She does know that her biological dad is out there somewhere and that Jamie isn’t that to her, and she’s still a little too young to understand the extent of it, but to her he’s the whole world.

After dinner and dessert Jamie and Samantha go home and for some reason he’s a little nervous. He’s not sure why. He’s been thinking about this for months. He had bought the ring. Talking to Samantha about it should be the easiest part. He looks in the rear view mirror at her smiling and singing along to the radio in the back seat. He can’t believe that this is his life sometimes and he feels incredibly lucky that he gets to love them and to be loved by them. 

“What do you want to do when we get home?” He asks knowing full well what’s going to be happening next. He’s still curious to see what she has in mind for the rest of their night.

“Moana and popcorn.”

He chuckles. He doesn’t know why he thought it would be any different. She is obsessed with Moana. She watches it so much that he pretty much knows the whole movie by heart. It is thanks to her that he has the soundtrack in a playlist on Spotify. He doesn’t mind, though, it’s a good movie. “You got it, munchkin.” They could do that after he tells her about the proposal.

“Can you dress up like Maui for Halloween?”

"Halloween isn't for another few months."

"I still want you to dress up as Maui in a few months."

"Who would mom be?"

She goes into a fit of giggles. "The grandma."

He has to fight a laugh. "I'm not sure she'd like that idea."

“But the grandma is awesome.” The mischievous smile on her face reveals she knows exactly what she’s insinuating by suggesting the grandma.

“I see that smile, missy.” She giggles even more. "How about me and mommy dress up like Moana's mom and dad?"

She scrunches her face up. "No way. Maui's fun. Moana's dad is mean."

"I don't think he is mean. He just worries about Moana and wants her to be safe."

"But she did it. She never would have learned if she didn't go."

He pauses for a few beats. That is a very smart and mature takeaway by this little girl. She's growing up way too fast. "You're right about that. Maybe mom can be Moana too. That would be cute.”

“Hmmmm. I guess that would be ok.”

"I'll be Maui for you." There was never a real chance that he wouldn't do it. He would do anything that little girl asked him to do if it meant making her happy.

"Yay! Thank you, Jamie."

“You’re very welcome.”

“Can you play the Moana song?”

Normally he may put up a fight since they are about to go home and watch the movie but he’s in an exceptionally good mood. She could ask for a pony right now and he'd probably say yes. She sings along to all of the songs the whole way home and Jamie hums along with her. He could not be happier than he is right now. He loves singing in the car with his daughter. That’s how he refers to her because that’s how he sees her. 

When they get inside the house Samantha runs to her room to get her favorite movie watching blanket while Jamie takes the opportunity to get the flower and the ring from his room. He places the flower on the coffee table in front of the couch and keeps the ring box in his pocket to reveal later. He gets the popcorn and bowl out so he can make it for them after they talk. He knows if he put the movie on right away she’d be too distracted.

She runs into the living room and jumps onto the couch next to Jamie. “Got my blankie!”

He smiles with every muscle in his face. He loves how excited she gets for movie night, especially when it’s Moana. “I see. Can we share?” He’s a little amused that she hasn’t noticed the flower on the table yet. He watches her to see her face when it finally happens.

“Yeah, we can share.” She drapes as much of her little blanket as she can on him, which only covers his thigh.

He kisses the top of her head. “Thanks, munchkin.”

She finally spots the flower and her whole face lights up. “What is that?” She asks excitedly. “It’s so pretty! Can I see it?”

He picks the flower up and hands it to her. “It’s for you.”

She holds it right in front of her face, eyes as wide as saucers. “It is?”

He nods. “Mhmm. Because I love you so much and I have a really important question to ask you.”

She smiles the sweetest smile. “I love you too, Jamie. What’s the question?”

“I was wondering if it would be ok with you if I asked mommy to marry me.”

She shrieks at the top of her lungs, making Jamie wince. “For real?”

He pulls her into his lap. “For real. It’s time, don’t you think?”

She nods vigorously. "It's definitely time."

He smiles from ear to ear. "So it would be ok with you if I asked her to marry me?"

"It's so ok, Jamie." She squeals. "I can't believe it!" She throws her arms around his neck and gives him the biggest hug that she can. "This is the best day of my life!"

He smiles and boops her nose. “Mine too. I’m gonna need your help figuring out how to ask her.”

“You do? Hm.” She taps her chin with her finger as she thinks. “It has to be super romantic.”

“She deserves the best proposal and I’m not too sure what that would be. We met at the Rangers game. Should I do it at a Rangers game? That might be fun.”

She shakes her head. “She would kill you if you did it in front of all those people.”

“I could do it in a suite, just the two of us, but maybe you’re right.”

“Not romantic enough. You need fireworks, and balloons, and flowers, and candles, and and and and, you know, romantic stuff.”

He chuckles. “Romantic stuff, eh? I think fireworks might be a bit much, but maybe you’re onto something with the candles and flowers.”

“She loves you a whole bunch, Jamie. I think she’d be happy with anything.”

“She’s pretty special and she deserves special. I want her to know how much she means to me, how much both of you mean to me.”

“She knows.”

“But it’s always nice to hear anyway, isn’t it?” He nudges her and she giggles from the tickles. “Should I take her out or just stay here?” Part of him hopes she says do it at home since that’s where he’s more comfortable. After thinking about it, that’s where he’s leaning anyway. 

“She likes when you cook.”

“Alright. So, I’ll cook her dinner and it could be a nice quiet night, just the two of us.”

“Quiet and romantic.”

“Yes, of course, romantic.” He has an ear to ear smile. He loves how enthusiastic she is about it. He didn’t really worry that she’d have a problem with it but it’s good to know she’s on board. Samantha’s approval is all he really cares about. “I’ll get a bunch of candles and those lilies she likes.”

“And a ring.”

“I have the ring already.”

She lets out a little gasp. “You do?”

“Mhmm. Do you want to see it?”

She bounces with excitement. “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

He sits her down next to him, reaches into his pocket and pulls the ring box out. “I think she’s really going to love it.” He opens the box to reveal the ring he has spent months picking out. “What do you think?”

“I love it. It’s perfect. Mommy’s going to freak out.”

“Do you think she’s going to say yes?” A question he’s only asking for Samantha’s reaction. He isn’t really worried about it. They talk about their life together all of the time.

“She’d be crazy not to. She loooooooves you. Love, love, loves you.”

He can’t help smiling wide. “That’s good to know. I love, love, love her too. And you know who else? You. I Love, love, love you.”

She hugs him. “I love you too. Can we watch Moana now?”

He belly laughs. “Yes we can.”

**

Two long weeks Jamie has waited for this day. Two long weeks of preparing and planning his proposal. He’s ordered the flowers and the candles. He’s bought the food he’s going to make. He has dropped off Samantha at her grandparents’ for the night. He has the ring. He has an idea of what he’s going to say. He just needs the girl. She’s been at work and he’s just waiting for her to come home. 

The living room is filled with various sized candles, all unscented. He almost made the mistake of buying scented candles, which would mask the natural scent of the lilies. The lights are off and the candles illuminate the room on their own, exactly how he wanted it to look. He ordered so many stargazer lilies that he could open his own flower shop. The irony of the name is not lost on him as he is on the Dallas Stars and these are her favorite flowers, something they both had a good laugh about when he asked her what her favorite flower is before their first Valentine’s Day together. They are a beautiful flower and they do smell amazing. He could see why she loves them so much. The whole house is filled with the aroma of the lilies and he can’t say he minds it one bit. 

He put on a white button down and slacks. He’s not sure if it’s necessary to get dressed up but it feels right. This isn’t just some regular dinner, this is the most important dinner of his life. The ring box is burning a hole in his pocket. He’s starting to get a little anxious and wonders if he got everything ready too soon. He’s not sure if he should cook now and ask after or ask first and then cook. He can’t exactly concentrate right now, though, so after he asks it will have to be. He begins to pace around the living room, checking the time every few seconds until the door opens and she walks in. Immediately a calm washes over him and he smiles. 

She looks around the room at all of the candles and all of the flowers in amazement and a little bit of shock. “What’s going on?”

“Is something different?” He can’t help being his usual sarcastic self, even when he’s about to propose.

“Jame.”

“Gab.”

She finally starts to move and walk around the room. Obviously he’s up to something but she’s too blown away to realize what’s about to happen. She stops to smell each of the bouquets of flowers. “Where’s Samantha?”

“Your parents have her for the night.” He takes her by the hand and pulls her into a hug. She melts in his arms. He always gives her the warmest hug every time she gets home, whether if she’s gone for a few minutes or hours. 

“Is that so?” An ear to ear smile creeps along her face. “What’s the occasion?”

"You." He kisses her with every fiber of his being. It’s a kiss that knocks them both off their feet. One of those unforgettable kisses that they’ll remember 60 years from now, and they’ll feel it then too. It leaves them both breathless, which gives him time to compose himself. What he says next is going to be the most important words he’s ever said in his life and he wants to make sure he gets it right. She’s perfect and she deserves perfect. “You are the most loving, funny, down to earth, amazing woman I’ve ever met. Sometimes I don’t know why you put up with me but I’m so thankful that you do. The way you love me...I didn’t know love like that existed. You are my happy place, my calm place, my whole world. You and that incredible daughter of yours. I couldn’t imagine my life without you both. You’re my family, and I want to add to that family some day.” He reaches into his pocket, hands shaking, not sure if he should say more. He could talk for hours about how great she is and why he loves her, but none of those words would do her justice. He takes a deep breath before getting down on one knee and opening the ring box. “Will you marry me? Sammy said it was ok to ask you.”

She laughs through her tears. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

His eyes crinkle as he smiles the biggest smile he’s ever smiled in his life. He takes the ring out of the box and slides it onto her finger before standing up and kissing her. “I love you.”

She hugs around his neck and kisses him once more. “I love you too.” She admires the ring as it sparkles from the reflection of the lights from the candles that surround them. “It’s so beautiful.”

He rests his forehead against hers. “I’m glad you like it.”

She plays with the ends of his hair. “Did you really ask Samantha if it was ok?”

“Mhmm.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t want her here for this. You two peas in a pod.”

He takes her hand in his and slow dances with her to only the music in his head. “I want you all to myself tonight.” He pulls her up against him. “My fiancé.”

She smiles. “I love the sound of that.”

He kisses her forehead, then her nose, then her lips. “Me too.”

[sweetestlamb]

Frozen Inside

Summary: You need to remember your place. 

Author's note: Chapter 9 is here! Taking a break from these two was pretty hard for me I just love them so much and love writing them in this world I created. As mentioned before this chapter includes a character that someone suggested I use to stir the Junjin pot little, if anyone can guess who this extraordinary character is I will give you a cyber cookie LOL. Just a minor heads up to the person who suggested it, I don’t sympathize with this character as much as others did but I will try to give him some depth and not completely vilify him. But thank you for the suggestion! Hope you all enjoy, writing the ending kinda broke my heart a little so any positive words would be very welcome right now. 

The bus ride is far too quick, he’s already loathing the moment when his shoulder will no longer be brushing "accidentally" against hers and he has to suppress a groan when someone rings the bell and he realizes this is their stop. She'd been acting uncharacteristically adorable after his honest statement earlier, running away as soon as the bus arrived as if she'd never gazed upon herself in a reflective surface before. She was beautiful, it wasn't something that was subjective it was just a fact. But once they entered the bus she made her way to a single seater by the window obviously trying to get away from him, he'd easily tugged her away by her backpack forcing her to a double seater in the back instead.

They were sitting together, there were already straying eyes watching her every move. Some from their schools and others just strangers who didn't bother to hide their interest in her, eying her up salaciously and and piquing his desire to throw hands. They were all lucky he had an important date after school, he couldn’t afford to get trouble right now.

She'd glared at him and swung her arms latching on to a metal handle trying to stop him but he was stronger than her, with a huff he pulled her with him and made her sit in the inner seat so he could bracket her in and marginally hide her form from the predatory looks.

Her leg brushed against his before moving away, so quickly he almost thought he imagined the whole thing. But then it happened again. He glanced over discretely at the tail of his eye.

He'd never seen Sujin fidget before. Didn't know her bones were capable of such a function but he had felt her jiggling knee knock into his own and learned that even an ice princess like her got embarrassed. He swallowed the immense pride that erupted at the realization that he was the one making her act this way. Completely out of her character.

"It's our stop." She whispers staring at the floor, eyes refusing to look up.

He's tempted to ignore her and see if that will make her look at him, now that he's been the center of her attention- that hug is burned into his mind- he is greedy for more, her resistance makes him even more desperate.

But he wordlessly stands up instead sliding out of the seat and opening the back door for them, she only pauses minutely before skipping down the stairs and exiting the bus. Her short pleated skirt bounces precariously with every movement and he's temporarily distracted gazing at the smooth expanse of milky skin, why were the school skirts so short anyway? Sujin's barely reached her knee, stopping in the meat of her thigh. Maybe he should start a school petition to get longer skirts for the girls. The boys probably wouldn’t be in agreement though. Perverts. 

His stomach clenches at the thought of others staring too, maybe he could at least convince her to tie the sweater around her waist instead of wearing it normally. It was worth a try at least.

"We probably shouldn't walk in together, your fangirls will go cra--"

He interrupts her, not paying at all to what she's suggesting because he has no intentions of separating from her. She's so exhausting with all this push and pull honestly. He already told her that they don't matter.

"Isn't your skirt too short?" 

He keeps walking without looking over at her, realizing too late how bold his question is. 

He stops when he realizes that she's no longer beside him, twisting left and right before turning around and seeing her a few paces behind. He almost sighs in relief much more familiar with this particular emotion etched on her face, annoyance and mild rage- the patented princess look™️ and he backs up looking at her with a lifted brow, silently questioning her inactivity.

"What did you say to me Han Seojun?" She admonishes staring at him like he's grown another head and she’s ready to decapitate them both, she also steps into his space tilting her angry face to glare directly into his face. She looks prepared to murder him and hide the body.

He's not stupid enough to repeat his gutsy idiotic question, he very much likes his face the way it's currently arranged. He might be stupid but he's not that stupid.

"Me? Nothing. I would never say anything, I don't deserve to speak in your presence." He flutters his eyelashes dramatically, speaking in an exaggerated cute voice and she stares blankly at first. Both of them searching the others face before the tension is snapped like a rubber band and she pushes him in the chest, he almost whines reaching out to grab her wrist before he sees the small smile on her face, its hidden instantly behind the curtain of her hair when she moves away but he sees it and he feels his chest palpitate.

He stands staring in wonder. Lost in her spell.

He's never been a gracious loser but she gives him no chance in the matter.

He stares at her back, cheeks hurting as beams at her bounding off in his sweater. It's hers now he will never be able to wear it again without remembering her in it, it's been ruined in the best possible way. 

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Chorong struggles to carry all the cards he pushes at him, the female population seems to have decided that he was sick and his return results in high pitched screams of his name and a constant stream of food and gifts being shoved in his direction, despite his refusal. He's wandering the halls arm filled with the gifts when he runs into Sujin, her face brightens upon seeing him before she glances down at his arms. The pretty smile is thwarted before it can even comes to full fruition, her eyes turning cold before she stomps past him.

He smirks at her back, chuckling as Chorong stares in confusion before asking, "What's wrong with her?" He shakes his head before handing the bigger boy all the unwanted gifts, her smile was worth more than all of this anyway.

Lunch can't come soon enough and he happily swaggers into the bustling room, oblivious to the amount of hungry eyes that latch onto his form. His own eyes too busy locking on one figure and one figure alone.

The seat across from her is conveniently empty and he laughs into his sleeve when Jukyeong waves him over, smiling with conspiration at him pointing at the empty seat without an ounce of subtlety, giving him a thumbs up. He can't control his laughter when Sujin turns to the girl and to hide her damning thumb the clumsy girl pokes herself in the eye. He definitely owed her now that looked mighty painful. 

Suho nods at him as he takes his seat, he returns the gesture. Watching as the usually stoic boy reaches across to comfort his girlfriend, stroking her hair and blowing gently into her teary red eye as she whines loudly.

He opens his backpack taking out the food the girl avoiding him like the plague had given him just this morning. The dumplings are perfect this time she's clearly figured out a technique now, and when he bites into them a delicious umami flavor explodes on his tongue. He groans in pleasure before stuffing another dumpling in his mouth eagerly.

"Wow those look amazing! Did your mom make them?" Su-ah calls across the table and he freezes mid-chew instinctively looking at the real culprit and her eyes are already on him, wide and then pleading. He knows what she's begging from him but he really really wants to disobey and tell everyone that she made them for him. That the same Kang Sujin, who served men roundhouse kicks and resting bitch faces for lunch had made him food and was sitting there eating a lunch he had prepared for her.

It sounds so domestic and he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from doing something she'll regret.

But she's not ready it's too evident and he's not inconsiderate nor selfish. Whatever this is, it's far too new and fragile for him to throw it to the wolves before it's on stable grounding.

"No my mom didn't make it." He answers honestly and he can feel the cold air wafting off Sujin in frigid waves and then he feels a sharp kick to his ankle, he has to grab her feet with his legs to stop her from delivering another blow. He probably shouldn't find her violent tendencies so attractive. He clearly isn't right in the head.

"Someone else made it. Someone special." He continues trying not to wince as she tries to attack him again. Immediately the table erupts into ohs and everyone starts talking at once except her best friends who look on with smirks, Su-ah playfully winking at him.

"Someone special? Who? Who made it? Do you have a girlfriend?"

Sujin spontaneously starts choking on her blueberry milk, the very one he'd packed in her lunch bag this morning the pale blue liquid spilling out the corners of her lips. He passes her a napkin immediately, their fingers brushing as she takes the paper from his grip wiping her face and looking sheepish once she realizes that all eyes are on her now.

"Are you okay?" He asks amused, looking at her with a smile barely hidden. So fucking cute.

"Yeah don't worry about me." She breezily replies struggling to escape from his tight grip under the table, unbeknownst to everyone there. But her cold statement only reminds me of their meeting in the hospital. Her words echoing in his heart, I'm going to worry about you. Who are you to tell me not to? Let me do what I want. Hearing those words made him want to stupidly put himself in more scenarios that would result in her concern, maybe he'd get another hug. Or a even a ki--

"Don't think we forgot! Who made you this food Seojun-ah?" Chorong breaks his concentration and he stares incredulously at the other boy, his words were meant to trick everyone else but his best friend should know who he was referring to; he'd been the one to deliver the food for him after all. Wasn't it clear who he liked? Who might be making him food in return?

He sighs shaking his head, glancing up at Sujin from under his fringe feeling warm all over.

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It's hard to tail him without making it too obvious but she tells Jukyeong and Su-ah that she has something to do before running after Seojun at a distance. She misses the knowing look on both of their faces as they watch her conspicuously hide behind a very thin tree. He had offered to wait for her but she didn't need his fanclub seeing them leaving together, they were so possessive of the boy. It didn't matter that he never showed any interest in them they were all still convinced that he belonged to them.

She didn't see him making food for any of them so she didn't know how they reached this asinine conclusion but she'd rather stay off their radar.

"Are you practicing to be a national spy? Why didn't you come when I offered to wait for you?" They are far from the school now, miles but she still looks around nervously before speeding up finally allowing them to walk side by side. He looks over at her fondly, she looks away unable to maintain eye contact when he's acting like this. It doesn't help that she can feel her walls weakening, she was tempted to accept his offer earlier. To walk with him side by side and let everyone see, she was losing her mind.

"I didn't want to be murdered by your girls." She teases, the words fall flat because as soon as she utters them she feels sick to her stomach.

A huge hand suddenly wraps around her wrist halting her, warm even through the stick material of the gifted sweater.

She turns to look at him bewildered, even more so at the hard look on his face. Those exotically sloping eyes even thinner than usual as he pulls her closer. She gulps, hard. Looking at him as his eyes peruse her face slowly, full of dark intention her blood simmers hot under the matching gaze.

"They aren't my girls. You know that." The emphasis and bite on the word makes her uneasy, refusing to think about the implications of his words. A sheen of sweat raises on her back, and she gently tugs her arm away scoffing to tear through the thick cloud of tension that is loitering between them.

"I was just joking. You don't have to be so serious. Let's go." She awkwardly rubs at her wrist before bolting away, scared to continue this line of conversation. Something has changed between them and she has no idea how and if they can go back to the way things were.

A little voice in her head whispers, Is that really what want you?

How is she supposed to know what she wants? Up until this point that has never mattered to anyone, she was just expected to do as she was told. Speak when spoken to. Everything about this is foreign and terrifying. Knowing that he'll be there to catch her if she falls is more nerve wrecking than anything she's faced thus far.

It's better not to think about it especially with where they're going, but thinking about that makes her even more nervous. She fidgets with the sleeve of the huge sweater, tugging at the extra material that folds over her hands. She suddenly realizes that she's completely covered in Seojun, this wasn't her best idea but she can't bring herself to remove the sweater.

She's never felt so warm.

"You can wait inside, I need to get something." He suddenly pats her head ruffling her hair and she reaches up to push his hand away only to be entranced by the grin on his face, has his smile always been that illuminant or is this reserved just for her?

She nods frozen watching him walk further and further away, until he turns a corner and disappears. She takes a deep breath centering herself before, able to breathe easier now without him sucking up all the air with his magnetic energy.

It's weird being back at the hospital especially alone, she hesitates at the entrance before finally entering. She expects trouble at the front desk seeing as how she's not family but the nurses smile at her knowingly.

"You're back. Room 105. Straight down the hall."

She shifts uncomfortably but nods her head in gratitude before walking down the hall. There are a row of free seats and she eases down into one, Seojun still isn't back and she can't very well just go into the room. She's basically a stranger, right?

Luckily she brought along homework, she can put this time to good use and complete some while Seojun gets whatever he needs that so important that he abandoned her all alone.

Minutes trickle by and she gets lost in her history homework highlighting dates and names of Kings, stopping at King Cheoljong when she hears the patter of footsteps and instinctively she glances up meeting huge round bespectacled eyes.

"Unnie! What are doing here?" Gowoon rushes over grabbing her hands, she flinches at the sudden touch on her rough hands and she coughs discretely pulling away, tucking the mutilated appendages away. She smiles disarmingly to ease any offenses that movement might have caused. The younger girl smiles back easily, not commenting at all on the action. She mentally thanks her.

"I heard your mother was hospitalized, I thought it would be okay if I visited her?" She suddenly feels extremely insecure about her presence here. Why had she assumed that she was welcome here after only meeting them once? She was getting too confident and it was a dangerous way to live, it often led to heartache.

Like now, she could pretend that it didn't matter if Seojun's mother didn't want to see her but if she was rejected it would hurt, she was the first maternal figure that had ever shown her any type of authentic kindness. Jukyeong's mom was ardent about regaling how pretty she thought she was but she'd heard that growing up, from her father as he bragged about how many suitors she would have and how resourceful that would be. So the words didn't do much but remind her of that, her supposed beauty had been weaponized long ago. She hated the constant reminder, as if her looks were all she had to offer to the world. 

You didn't feel that way when he said it though. You liked it.

She shakes her head clearing away such traitorous thoughts.

"Unnie, of course you're welcome. Mom will be so happy to see you. I just meant why are you out here, come on let's go greet her!"

She barely has a chance to stuff her book back into her bag before the eager girl is yanking her away. She tries to fight the hold but it's useless and with a swipe of her hand Gowoon slides open the door, tugging her into the airy hospital room.

Her heart thunders in her chest.

She wants to disappear.

"Mom we're here!" Gowoon announces happily vibrating with youthful energy. Her eyes are glued to the checkered floor as she bows silently in greeting.

"H-hello again. I don't know if you remember me but I'm--"

"Sujin sweetie! Why are you acting so formal? Come, come. How have you been? Are you eating all your meals?" The older woman bulldozes past her stilted greeting, pointing to an empty chair next to her bed. She swallows before walking over and sitting down. Gowoon ambles over too hopping onto the edge of her mother's bed, immediately launching into a retelling of her day. She listens heart heavy at being so easily invited into such an intimate moment.

"What about you Sujin? How was your day?" She jumps at the inquiry, looking up to see both women watching her avidly waiting for her reply. This feels foreign, nobody has ever asked her about her day before.

"Um...it was okay. I got a 100 on my math test. I'm eating all my meals. I...um I had a good lunch." She stutters out foolishly adding the last line, thankful that Seojun isn't here to hear the praise who knows how he would have behaved? Surely his mother and sister don’t know that he has been making her food so the comment will be harmless. 

An easy smile slides across the mother's face, "Is that so? I'm glad you enjoyed your lunch dear. Great job on your test! If only these kids would come home with news like that." She pokes Gowoon in her belly, to which the other girl folds her arm and humphs sticking out her tongue.

"We can't all be Kang Sujin, beautiful and intelligent like I would get that lucky?" She blushes embarrassed at the compliment waving her arm to brush the words away.

"Hey! What are you saying? You're my sister. I have enough of both of those for both of us." A deep voice sounds from the door and she turns to look at the boy, the fragrant scent of flowers filling the room. He crosses the room in long steps depositing them in an empty vase on the windowsill. They are in a perfect position to receive all the sun's magnificent rays.

So that's where he had been.

Gowoon scoffs at him, grumbling about narcissism and big headed boys but she grows silent as Seojun walks over to her. 

He hands a smaller bundle to Gowoon, unlike the white lilies in the vase this bouquet is vibrant with hues of vivid blues, purples and fuchsia , it matches the girls personality perfectly and the smile that laces across her pretty face is enough to singlehandedly sustain the flowers.

"You got me flowers too?" Gowoon asks voice full of suspicion as she accepts the flowers, dipping her nose to sniff at them. She hums excitedly clutching them closer to her chest beaming at her brother.

"I was already there. I figured why not?" He tries to downplay the kind act but she catches the slight pink on his high cheekbones.

It's such a wholesome scene. She feels as if she's intruding by simply being there, especially when she sees the serene smile on their mother’s face watching her children, her pride is palpable. 

"Thanks oppa."

He shrugs rubbing his neck, "You're welcome brat."

"What about that bouquet who's that for?" Gowoon innocently asks pointing to another bouquet that was partially hidden in his bomber jacket, bringing her attention to the last bundle in his hands inside a brown bag with a small blue bow tied at the base of the stems.

The pink changes to red.

He awkwardly shuffles under all their watchful eyes, staring out the window with intense focus as if it as the secrets to life.

"Oh my god, I know!" Gowoon exclaims snickering now as she bounces gleefully on the bed. She squirms in her seat trying to think of a believable excuse to leave the room, it couldn't really be for her right? He wasn't crazy enough to give her flowers in front of his family. Right?

"You have a crush on one of the nurses don't you? Seriously oppa, they're all too old for you. You're going to make them uncomfortable, they're just doing their job." Gowoon scolds him wagging her finger and pushing her glasses up the small bridge of her button nose.  

Oh.

That made sense. They were for one of the nurses, probably the pretty that had allowed them to stay so late the other night. She had once again gotten ahead of herself, stupid. She should be relieved anyway this was better, if he had another crush then this thing between them would fade away and she'd stop feeling like she was walking on eggshells around him.

"What are you babbling about now? This isn't one of her dramas. I told you I was already there they aren't a big deal. Here, take it." He glares at his sister and shocks Sujin when he turns and thrusts the delicate bouquet at her, roughly placing them in her lap when she doesn’t accept them right away before taking the second empty seat next to his mother's bed. He pointedly avoids eye contact with all of them and she stares down at the flowers in her lap with her mouth open.

They are lovely, deep blues at the base that lightens as your eyes traverse the length of the flowers, baby blue fades to a piercing white making the bouquet look like a work of art itself.

"Oh they're for unnie. Okay. Good I thought you were trying to flirt." Gowoon dismisses the flowers now, turning back to her mother and continuing her story about her day ignoring them both now. She can feel Seojun's eyes hot on her face but she's unable to look away from the flowers in her lap.

Idiot.

She watches the family easily conversing never a lull in their animated conversation and she finally excuses herself, lying about going to find a bathroom. Nobody questions why she's bringing the flowers with her gratefully, she has no plausible reason for why she can't put the flowers down. Seojun stares at her unblinking but he lets her escape without question.

She leans against the solid wall outside the room as soon as the door slides shut, closing her eyes.

In, out. In, out. She coaches herself gulping in air pushing away the light-headed sensation at the base of her skull.

"You still have these pathetic attacks?" Her blood runs cold as the voice she hasn't heard in weeks siphons all the air she had just gifted her empty lungs.

No. No, it can't be.

But once she forces her eyes open she sees that her nightmare is indeed a reality.

Her father stares at her with contempt, his lips thin as they are pulled into a familiar sneer. He's wearing his white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard in his hands.

Panic rises instantly as she looks at him, breathing is now impossible.

"You're lucky this is where we met. I got your present. It was perfect for the fireplace. I humored your little tantrum but it's over now. I expect you back home, tomorrow. You have another date with the boy you stood up last time. Thankfully your face was worth something. " His tone is conversational but she can see the rage swirling under the façade, his fists are white knuckled on the clipboard. He's barely holding himself back.

She clutches the flowers tighter desperate for support. She feels like she's free falling from a tremendous height.

"What are you doing here? What business do you have here?" He stares at her and she has to get him away, he can't see Seojun they can't meet here, especially outside his mother’s room. The other boy might do something reckless and her father looks dangerous right now, this could end badly. She has to protect him.

"I came to see you. To tell you to sign the papers." She replies with courage she's not currently feeling, it wavers as her father's eye become colder and penetrating.

"I'm not signing anything, you are my property.  You better come to your senses before you make me really angry." He threatens her calmly in the hallway, as nurses and doctors walk by bowing to him in respect.

"I'll leave first." She whispers attempting to sidestep around him but he grips her wrist as she passes him, stopping her escape.

He eyes the flowers in her arms and she protectively clutches them in her arms shifting them away from him.

"Don't continue to piss me off. I will make you regret it."

She's ashamed at how frightened his words make her feel, she'd thought that she was strong enough to face him but she was wrong. Stupidly so. She feels small under his gaze her wrist crushing under his powerful grip but she's too scared to even pull away, powerless to stop his abuse.

"People are watching." The method her mother has always used, he might not care about her but he cares about his appearance. His hold loosens at her words until she's free and without pause she scurries away, her feet bringing her to safety until she's outside. She's panting so hard that her body is shaking, kneeling over with the bouquet between her knees.

She sees drops landing on the floor and wonders when it started raining, only to look up and see clear blue skies not a cloud in sight.

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His wife whimpered on the ground clutching her face, bright red mark on her swollen cheek. He shook his smarting hand as he tightly gripped the papers in his hand that she had handed him. She had been stupid enough to actually bring this to him, he is tempted to slap her again. 

Emancipation papers.

It would have been hilarious if it hadn't enraged him so much, who did she think to defy him? To try to leave when he wasn't done using her? The very idea was preposterous and he would beat it out of her as soon as he dragged her back home. This had gone on long enough, her little rebellion. He had humored it expecting her to come crawling back once he turned off her credit cards, but that hadn't been enough.

He hadn't expected her to have any friends to turn to.

He thrusted the disgusting papers into the blazing fire that he'd lit, smiling darkly as they burnt and turned to ashes. This was how he planned on dealing with her newfound defiance, he would burn it out of her. 

The disobedient fool didn't know how good she truly had it, she was lucky all he did was smack her around a little. At least she had a father that cared enough to beat her.

He'd grown up all alone, rich beyond belief but left to fend for himself in hotel after hotel. His parents were only that by title, he'd been raised by a rotating stream of nannies and butlers. Nothing he did was enough to get their attention, even starting fights or cursing at teachers. All his actions were dismissed easily with a envelope of money, teachers and students all sucking up to him and enabling his behavior.

He'd learned at a young age that anybody could be bought and wrong and right was something that only the poor had to adhere by, he was above the law, transcending morality. He could do anything and nobody would stop him. Nobody would dare.

Except his own daughter, perhaps it was karma. A punishment for all his bad deeds, he laughs humorously at the idea. He's getting old now to have thoughts like that. Regardless of what she wants he has no plans of letting her go, she's his to do with as he wishes. That had been the only reason he'd married her pathetic mother and the only reason he hadn't forced her to get an abortion once he learned the sex of the baby. She'd been a beauty despite her pitiful background and he'd hoped that a child of theirs would at least be something worth looking at.

In the end she was, his business partners following her form as she bloomed into a woman. He hadn't cared about their wandering eyes planning on selling her to the highest and most advantageous bidder, and he had found a buyer. Someone that needed him too, combined they could build a formidable partnership. He had a son Sujin's age and he had easily offered his daughter to sweeten the deal.

It was time to bring home his wayward child by any means possible. These childish games were over.

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"It's good to see you son. Have you been healthy? Eating well?" Suho sits down bowing his head in greeting to his father, it feels surreal to be sitting here with him but they've come a long way. Therapy has also done wonders to rebuilding their broken relationship, they attend twice a week. Now he can look at his father without pain and guilt scratching at his skin.

"I'm well. Thank you for agreeing to see me. I have to discuss something important with you." He cuts to the chase, unsure of the outcome of this conversation but Sujin hasn't been talking to him and he knows that they need his father's help. They can't take her father down alone, they're just kids.

"It sounds serious. Are you okay?" His father asks voice thick with genuine concern, his brows furrowed.

"It's not about me. It's someone else. I can't tell you much because it's not my story but I need to ask you this, if you had to choose between supporting me or a business partner who would you choose?" His father looks taken back by the question, searching his face with confused eyes.

"Son, what are you talking about? What business partner? Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

He leans in staring directly into his father's eyes, he can now admit their resemblance as he stares at the face that looks so much like his.

"Dad, please just answer my question. If I needed your support, would you give it to me no matter what?" He questions, watching as his father stares at him in confusion and he waits patiently.

"Suho. I would choose you over anyone, I still need to prove myself if you're still asking me questions like that." He feels a tinge of guilt as his father shuffles away looking at him with a sad smile, he can't deny that. They've come far but there's still a part of him that remembers his father after his mother's passing, remembers blaming his father for years for his friends death. He's working on overcoming those scars but they are deep, beyond his flesh. Etched deep into his heart.

"One day I'm going to need your support. I need you to come without question. I need you to stand beside me." He stares at his father, seven years old again begging for his father's attention, his love.

Unlike his memories though, this time his father grabs his hand shooting him a melancholy smile, before nodding firmly.

"I'll be there. I'll stand beside you son."

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Sujin is acting strange, more so than usual. Su-ah can't pinpoint what's wrong but the other girl is more shifty than usual and always staring off deep in thought, not even Seojun seems to know what's wrong with her. She had questioned the boy, he seemed as frustrated as her telling her that she'd started acting like this two days ago.

Nothing she does gets the other girl to talk, Sujin has resolutely slammed her walls firmly back in place. She watches her in the corner of her eye, sighing at the fake smile on the girl’s face it’s obvious to detect them now with all the real ones she's witnessed usually in a certain bad boy's presence.

Taehoon leans into her side, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder and she looks back at Seojun watching him watch the other girl. Jukyeong's occupying the space next to Sujin so the boy has no choice but to walk behind her, she can feel his longing. Wishes that Sujin would allow herself to be happy, full-heartedly. She notices how Sujin only allows herself to have Seojun in bursts, pushing him away when things become too much for her to handle. It's not fair to the other boy but she knows it's all her friend has to offer right now.

As they push open the school doors, she sees a swarm of students blocking the way. They are talking excitedly pointing and staring at something she can't see. She stands on her tiptoes trying to get a better view of what's happening, impatiently she pushes past the gossiping girls forcing her way to the front.

There's a guy she's never seen before, her eyes widen when she sees the motorcycle getting a sense of deja vu before glancing back at Seojun, staring impassively at the unknown boy. Everyone begins to look between the two boys, the resemblance is uncanny especially with this stranger showing up on a bike too. They look like doppelgangers, like when the evil twin shows up suddenly in a drama. 

"Kang Sujin? Where is she?" The boy shouts to the crowd at large, looking around and she watches Seojun's eyes narrow icing over until they are glacial cold. Then Sujin steps forward looking unimpressed by this show, her resting bitch face in full swing despite the handsome stranger’s grin.

"Why are you looking for me?" She challenges, staring him down and all eyes are on them watching this unexpected meeting.

The boy whips a leg over the sleek bike, dismounting in one fluid motion. He's tall, even taller than Seojun and she can hear her school mates swooning at the mysterious boy, whispering about him being handsome and wishing they were Sujin. Fickle asses, they don't even know anything about him.

"I came to make sure you don't stand me up this time." He answers with a bite, there's a humorless grin on his face. A chill runs down her spine. She shifts closer to Sujin subconsciously, an innate desire to protect her flaring up.

Realization breaks on Sujin's face and she looks away, annoyance clear on her countenance.

"What do you want?" She finally asks looking exasperated with this very public conversation.

"I want the date you owe me. Let's go."

Her eyes narrow at his command not appreciating the way he's talking to her best friend, who is this rude entitled punk? Satisfaction rolls over her as Seojun steps up easily making his presence known as he scowls at the boy.

"Who the hell are you? She’s not going anywhere with you." He interrupts disdain dripping in every syllable as he steps in front of Sujin blocking her completely.

The boy raises a taunting brow at the move, before sneering cruelly right back.

"Who are you to ask me that? Get out of my face asshole." The other boy aggressively barks and she gasps as Seojun steps forward purposely raising his fist but before he can draw back and initiate the move, a dainty hand reaches out capturing his fist. Sujin briskly stops him lowering his hand and she watches as she doesn't release him immediately, standing side by side holding hands. They look like a team.

She's never seen anyone disarm Seojun like that before, Sujin's hand on him seems to evaporate all his rage and he is docile in the wake.

"Don't talk to him like that. You're starting to piss me off, I stood you up for a reason." Sujin steps forward and she wonders if her best friend knows how she looks, stepping in front of Seojun now seemingly defending him back.

The new boy sneers gazing down at their still joined hands, an ugly mean look on his face.

Then he steps forward swiftly and leans down roughly shoving Seojun away, much to the boy's vocal chagrin he stumbles back a few steps before he lunges at the other boy but it's too late he has already whispered something inaudible into Sujin's ear. Sujin steps in front of Seojun again blocking him before he can attack the strange boy, he stops immediately not wanting to hurt the smaller girl. He glares over Sujin’s shoulder, face enraged.  

Sujin visibly deflates at the words and she hates the vindictive smile that stretches across the other boys face, she wishes she could punch it off. Who is this asshole?

Sujin seems lost in thought again, miles away even though she's right in front of them. When her face hardens she knows that the girl has reached a conclusion.

"Fine." Sujin finally steps forward, eyes wavering now as she glares defeated at the other boy. Her shoulders are lower now as if she's lost some of her fight, it breaks her heart. "I'll come with you." She weakly agrees voice barely above a whisper.

"Sujin! You don't have to go with him!" She yells leaving her boyfriend's arms and latching onto Sujin's elbow, sending a murderous glare to the asshole who's forcing her friend. She tugs Sujin back, refusing to let her go. She argues as Sujin peels her hands away, smiling sadly at her eyes shiny and hard.

"It's okay. I have to." She grasps at her best friends arm as she walks forward until she's right beside the boy's bike. The whole school is watching with bated breath, unsure of what exactly they're viewing but captivated nonetheless.

He tosses her an extra helmet without warning and it slams into Sujin's chest harshly and she bristles at the other boys callous action.

Sujin starts to put on the helmet before Seojun steps forward again, grabbing her wrist and she lowers the helmet staring up at him. They both stand frozen, eyes locked and she watches as Seojun silently pleads with Sujin, his face is loose and every emotion is written in the frown on his face. Sujin falters momentarily swaying into the tall boy their bodies dangerously close, her own eyes shining even brighter but then the strange boy revs his engine bursting their bubble and Sujin jumps backwards pulling away from Seojun.

Her heart jumps into her throat as she watches Sujin's mouth something to Seojun before turning away, helmet slid down her head roughly before climbing onto the bike. Seojun looks completely crushed when she wraps her arms around the other boys waist, straddling the huge bike.

"You should learn your place." The other boy scowls triumphantly, revving the engine once more.

"Shut up. Let's go." Sujin interrupts the showboating, staring straight ahead. Looking at Seojun she sees exactly why the other girl is avoiding looking at him, if heartbreak was a person it would be him. 

Without another word, the mysterious boy knocks the kickstand up and squeezes the throttle and within seconds the bike roars to life, leaving them all behind Sujin's long hair bellowing behind her as they disappear down the road.

She looks over at Seojun, Suho and Jukyeong both look worried too. He stares after Sujin and the unknown boy fuming silently before he spins around, stomping away without a word.

Sujin, I hope you know what you're doing. This might be too much for him to handle.

She stares helplessly as Seojun stalks away, Chorong running after him but unable to keep up with his long gait. He doesn’t want to be caught, shutting them all out. 

[prettywordsyouleft]

To Be Continued - Part 10

Summary: As an author, you had created Brian Kang for your current trilogy series to represent the ultimate man that everyone would love, along with Charli Evers - your female protagonist. What you hadn’t expected was for him to find a way out of the story and begin shaping up your world instead

Pairing: Brian Kang x female writer (ft. Park Sungjin)

Genre: writer au / romance / fantasy

Warnings: fictional characters coming to life / a bit of angst here and there / Sungjin as a cop (or does that only affect me?) >_>

Word count: 2487

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | Epilogue

The broken laptop was taken by Sungjin that night, and he returned it to you a fortnight later with a new screen on it. Despite being grateful, you were still hopeless. “Brian’s gone for good, isn’t he?”

“Maybe it’s time for you to move on from him, Y/N. I hate seeing you this stuck. Don’t you want to write other stories and start living again?”

Staring up at the man, you nodded numbly. “I hoped I’d be living with him. I guess dreaming up the perfect guy isn’t a healthy thing to do.”

“It did happen, and your grief is validated,” he told you, giving your upper arm a gentle squeeze. “Everyone faces a loss of someone in their life at one point or another. And we have to learn how to continue on after they’re gone.”

“You’re right,” you murmured, smiling gently at Sungjin. “Thank you for being a good friend to me.”

“Officially friend-zoned,” Sungjin teased, dramatically grappling at his heart. You giggled, and this made him stop and smile. “And officially hearing a good sound come from you. I hope you can feel comfortable to laugh more often, Y/N.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“Now that you have your device back, how about you go and write something? I’m sure it’s been a long two weeks.”

You grinned at his statement, nodding along. “My desktop is so ancient. I was close to spending a lot of money on a new one.”

“Well, now you don’t have to. Off you go and write, Miss Writer.”

Your smile fell as soon as you shut the door, the friendly term Sungjin just called you only bringing up the moments where Brian had called you that time and time again. Counting to ten, you avoided crying for the first time over your loss and smiled.

“All I have to do is keep counting and writing,” you instructed, marching down to your office and plugged in the laptop. It fired up immediately, and the new screen was pristine. Thankfully, all of your work was backed up to an external so you didn’t have to worry about losing your work. It surprised you, however, that the computer remembered where it last was in your session, the end of the Eternity document appearing in front of you.

Reading over the paragraph you had sent Brian, you wrapped your arms around yourself for comfort. “You did well, Y/N. You waited for love, and you loved him like no other. This story’s over now, though. Let’s move on.”

Slowly, you deleted your message, making sure the document said The End and closed out of it, moving it to another storage space on your external hard-drive before opening a new document.

It was time to step out of the limbo you had endured for too long.

“Lily, did you get my first submission?” you asked as you continued to tap furiously at your keyboard, not bothering to check the expression of your editor on the small window in the corner of your screen.

“I did, and it’s fabulous.”

“Just fabulous?” you asked, scrunching your up face in annoyance. “I don’t think fabulous is enough.”

“Ooh, someone is feeling good about her work lately,” Lily crooned, and you grinned. “It’s good to see you working this happily again, Y/N.

“Well, the Encounter series is done now, and I need to have a follow-up story.”

“Does your favourite constable know about this?” she wondered dreamily, and you stopped typing to shoot Lily a look. “What? I distinctively remember you swooning over your protector. There’s no hope for you two to have a romance behind the scenes too?”

“Lily, I might be a writer who enjoys a good love story, but that’s all it remains as for me, a story. Sungjin is my friend, and I’ll surprise him with the final manuscript when this is done.”

“Yes boss!” she cheered and then gasped. “Oh, by the way! I heard that pre-order sales for Eternity have surpassed Captivated! When it launches in two week’s time, I’m certain you’re going to rank well!”

“And then that world will finally be at a close,” you murmured to yourself, Lily straining to hear what your lips had expressed. When you noticed her confusion, you smiled brightly. “Thanks for all your hard work over the past three years on this project, Lil.”

“You wrote them, Y/N. That world, especially Eternity, is a masterpiece.”

“Well, I hope the next story will be even better. More than fabulous, even.”

“You never let a single thing slide. I’ll sing your praises further when you send me the chapter you’re working on right now!”

“Onto it!” you said with a wave of goodbye, and the video call ended.

Slumping in your chair, your eyes shifted towards the wall calendar where the date had been circled for Eternity’s release.

You had taken Sungjin’s advice and picked yourself up out of the dumps. Of course, it hadn’t been easy, and still to this day you had moments where you yearned for Brian. However, you had remained strong since your initial resolve and left Eternity where it belonged – in your completed archive. You hadn’t sent messages, you didn’t open the document, and aside from when obligated to, you didn’t speak of that world to anyone. It still hurt too much, and you were looking forward to a time where this was all just a fond memory in your writing career.

Right now, with the impending sales and then signing tour that was booked, however, you were doing your best to distract yourself from anything that might make you cave.

Writing your police officer au was definitely helping with that, and you launched into typing again about Sungjin and Ella, you two protagonists.

You knew you probably should change his name, but the story made the most sense to you when you imagined your friend. Although you did wonder how you could separate the two when it came to the more romantic parts in the novel, you were having a lot of fun, remembering those juvenile feelings you once had for Sungjin before Brian stepped out of the laptop and changed your life entirely.

Sigh. You had thought of Brian again.

“When will I stop doing that?” you wondered in a sing-song voice, trying to keep upbeat. It was then that a new document popped up on the screen, and you groaned loudly. “And when will you stop glitching?”

It wasn’t the first time the new document tab would appear, now and then when you were in the midst of typing. You assumed you kept hitting the keyboard shortcut for opening it somehow and mentally wrote yourself a note to check if it could be disabled when you were done with this chapter.

Paying it no mind, you continued writing your story, not thinking once about all the mysterious happenings that preluded Brian’s appearance in the first place.

“Wow, I can’t believe I’m meeting you today!” a young voice announced, and you smiled brightly at the teen before you. “I’m a big fan of Brian and Charli!”

“Aren’t we all?” you mentioned happily back, reaching for the copy of Eternity she had placed down to sign. “What’s your name?”

“It’s Jennie! With an i-e.”

“Well, Jennie, with an i-e, I’m so glad you came today. I hope to see you at my next book signing in a couple of year’s time.”

“You can count on it, Y/N!”

The day continued much in the same, and whilst you were overwhelmed by the support of your fans, when you entered your hotel for the evening, you were more than emotionally exhausted.

“Stupid Charli. She’s living the dream,” you muttered and then caught yourself, sighing heavily with your unexpected negativity.

It was foolish to be jealous, and yet after listening to everyone say how perfect Brian and Charli were for each other all day long, you understood your reaction. Even if you were moving on, you wanted to be the one who was perfect for Brian Kang.

“Let’s count to ten, shall we?” you told yourself, breathing deeply and following through with your mantra. After ordering room service for dinner, you settled into the plush bed with your laptop, ready to stream a crime show you had been watching for research.

When the screen appeared though, it was opened on Microsoft Word with a new document waiting for you. You groaned and looked into the settings to make sure you had in fact disabled the keyboard shortcut. It was as you had left it and you let out a small huff at the program before hovering your cursor over the exit button.

Something in you made you pause, however, and you peered at the empty document with some interest. “Why are you following me around?”

Thinking of how Brian would always open a new document to converse with you, a glimmer of hope surged through, and you hit the keys with a rapid pace.

Are you there, Brian Kang?

Nothing came, and your words didn’t dissolve either. Rolling your eyes at your rash reaction, you closed the document and opened Netflix.

You were well into the throes of the show when your room service knocked on the door, casting you out of bed and over to the door. Once you returned with the tray of food you had been given, you noticed the document was back on the screen again.

“What is going on?” you wondered, staring at it for some time. Placing a hand on the screen, you closed your eyes and willed Brian to come out. It had been so long since you had done this, and yet your fervour was stronger than ever. You prayed so hard that when you opened your eyes and saw nothing there, your tears were immediately at the surface, cascading down your cheeks.

“I’m so over pining for you. Either come back or leave me alone!” you wailed, pushing the laptop aside and curling up into a ball.

You didn’t see it then, but the cursor started to move as if someone was holding down the space button, creating ten pages before it stopped.

The tour ended, and you were all too grateful to wake up back home with Binks curled up beside you. Kissing your furbaby until he made it apparent that your affection was unwanted, you climbed out of bed to brew yourself some coffee.

Today, you felt free. The saga of Eternity was over and whilst you knew you would still have to do a couple more interviews here and there in the future where you would be asked about the series, and your Discord would still be hit up regularly about reviews over the final story in the trilogy, today you were at least free from the contractual sides of the story. You wouldn’t have to actively talk about Charli Evers and Brian Kang ever again.

You also hoped that one day, once your pain resolved enough, that you could reread the series and remember why you had loved it all along, instead of the jealousy and burden you felt towards it right now.

With coffee and toast held in either hand, you bounced off to your office and sat down at your desk, blinking when you found your laptop on your desk already.

Had you pulled it out of its bag last night when you got home?

Shrugging, you hit the power button and were surprised when it immediately loaded up your home screen. “I did turn you off, you finicky device.”

Lots of little things had happened since getting the screen fixed, and you had left it down to that incident messing with it. You didn’t have it in you to believe otherwise.

Opening your emails, you went through the important correspondence, threw out the spam, and moved the replied ones to their relevant folders. Once your inbox was empty, you moved onto your other admin tasks for the day, ensuring you were all caught up before you stepped back into your police officer au.

When ready, you clicked on the file, and instead of it appearing, it was a blank document. “Oh no, you don’t! There were words in this file!”

Looking at the title of the word document, you were relieved to see it untitled and not that of your current story. Clicking again on the file from your writing folder, another blank document appeared instead.

“Open it! I have to write about Sungjin and Ella!” you exclaimed, hitting the file repeatedly. Tens of blank documents appeared with your efforts until you were panting with the annoyance. Sitting back, you shook your head. “That’s it! I’m buying a new laptop! I’m done with you!”

Before you could close the screen down, however, you noticed that one document appeared and had words in it. But it wasn’t your current one. Instead, Encounter appeared on the screen, scrolling at a rapid rate to the bottom. Then it changed tabs, moving through Captivated just as fast. Finally, Eternity finished it off, the words The End simply staring back at you.

“…Brian?”

Leaning forward towards the screen, you waited to see what would happen next. Annoyed that your hopes were raised yet again, you started to close the empty tabs, leaving the three stories up. A final tab appeared, and you burst into tears as words started to appear on the screen.

It’s time to start writing our story now.

Standing up shakily, you pointed at the screen. “Hurry up then, I’ve waited far too long to write this story with you.”

The screen went blank as your heart began to thud erratically in your chest, your eyes widened whilst waiting for what would happen next. Reaching for the power button, you watched as the screen lit up.

And then you felt arms embrace you immediately. “I’m sorry I’m so late.”

“I don’t care right now,” you managed to say despite your emotions running down your face. Pulling back just enough so you could see Brian’s handsome face, you shook your head in disbelief. “As long as you’re here.”

“For good,” he assured, leaning in for a passionate kiss. “That world is closed and done with. Whilst ours is only beginning.”

You knew with time, you would want to know why it took so long for Brian to return and to scold him for hurting you so much. You also knew Brian would placate you in every way, and you would hear all about his equal longing and struggle without you at his side.

But for now, this was all you needed. Dream men were hard to find existing in real life. You had found yours again, and this time you wouldn’t write him in one way or another. You’d let your life together pen the journey you had at each other’s side.

Your story was about to be continued.

_________________

Epilogue

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[winter-soldier-vibes]

I’m dangerous (Bucky Barnes x reader)

I’m  dangerous

Bucky barnes x reader

Word count: 2278

Warnings: nightmare, Bucky doubting himself, winter soldier days

Summary: Bucky and reader are dating, and he pushes you away, afraid he’ll hurt you, especially after certain nightmares.

------------------

Bucky was remembering more and more everyday. Which, to the naked eye, could be viewed as a good thing. That’s what Steve thought, that’s what the rest of the team, that’s what his girlfriend Y/N thought. And Bucky let them all believe that. Because to some degree, it was. But for the most part, it was torture. 

The memories from before the war were great. Growing up with his family, his sister, and his friend Steve were all memories he clung to. But then there were the memories that snuck up on him, the ones that took him while he was sleeping. His Winter Soldier episodes. And unfortunately for him, he had many more memorable moments as the Winter Soldier than he did as Bucky Barnes.

The nightmares had been getting worse. Not that he would tell anyone, no, he didn’t want to relive it when he was awake too. It bothered him so much that he eventually stopped trying to go to sleep. It was one less near heart attack to worry about.

These memories, the Winter Soldier ones, were plaguing his thoughts more often as time went on. It used to just come in his dreams, but now, it was around every corner. He spent a lot of time in the gym, trying to punch out his emotions. And it would work for a while. But whenever he would stop it would creep up again on him like before. 

You noticed the change in him pretty quickly. The tired eyes, the troubled look he always had - though he tried to hide it so well. You were worried about him, and you had an idea you knew exactly what was wrong with him. You would try to talk to him about it, but he’d usually just close himself up, putting up these walls even if you couldn’t break down.

You would just softly smile at him and assure him he could talk to you about whatever, whenever. And he would mumble a half-assed thank you and the two of you would go on with the day. But not without you still worrying about him.

Little did you know that Bucky wanted to tell you. He just...couldn’t. And he would try to figure out why all the time.

She said I could tell her anything, he would think while he was punching the bag. She’s not afraid of me. So why am I afraid to be straight with her? And the more he thought about it, the more he told himself he was just trying to protect you from himself. He was so afraid of having an episode with you present, and on top of that, he was afraid you’d leave if you realized how dangerous he could be. 

So his solution was to never mention anything of the Winter Soldier. He pretended like he had moved on. But you knew he didn’t.

He walked on eggshells around everyone, especially you. As if he was afraid he’d hurt you if he got too close or said the wrong thing. Any sort of physical contact would cause him to tense up and hold his breath. And you knew it had nothing to do with you - he was just scared of something. And you figured that something had to do with what HYDRA would make him do.

Still, the two of you carried on like you didn’t know what the other was thinking about. And it worked for a while, though it killed you inside to see Bucky be so hesitant. You knew he loved you, and that was why he was doing it, but you couldn’t lie to yourself. It hurt.

The two of you slept in separate rooms for two reasons. One was you hadn’t reached that level of intimacy, and the other was Bucky insisted he wasn’t ready for that kind of thing. Although he phrased it as a step in your relationship, you knew it had to do with him not wanting to hurt you. But you agreed, keeping your distance. You were in the room next door afterall, so you couldn’t complain much.

One night, both of you were asleep. Bucky hadn’t slept in a few days, so exhaustion overtook him despite his efforts to stay awake. And the nightmares he had been avoiding resurfaced tonight

‘Welcome back, Soldier.’

‘Ready to comply’

Bucky was aware of his surroundings and what was happening, but he had no control of what he was saying or of his actions. And no matter how hard he tried to snap himself out of it, how hard he tried to bring back memories of Steve and Y/n, he couldn’t. He was HYDRA’s marionette, strings attached.

His mission was to find and kill you. That's always how these nightmares went - he was the Winter Soldier and you were his mission. And no matter how hard he tried to stop himself, he simply wasn’t in control anymore. All he could do was watch.

He was on a motorcycle heading toward Stark Tower, and he let himself in. He made his way to your room, to find you asleep on your bed. He walked over and clasped his metal hand around your throat, lifting you into the air.

Immediately you were awake, and you began thrashing in his grasp, hands trying to loosen his grip on you, but it was no use. There was nothing you could do. 

“Buck - Please, stop….What’re you doing?”

He merely tilted his head and studied you, as if you were a specimen. But his eyes showed no recognition. They were stone cold. And that’s when your eyes widened as you realized he was gone. The Winter Soldier had you and you had no options. 

He brought his other hand to his gun and lifted it off its holster, holding it up to your head. You try one more time, “Bucky, It’s me, Y/n…” and a gunshot rang out

“NO!” Bucky jolted awake, breathing heavy and covered in a cold seat. He put his face in his hands and rubbed his eyes, trying to get the image of your scared eyes out of his brain. The fact that you were scared because he was hurting you. 

And that he killed you.

He got out of bed and walked into his bathroom and leaned forward, resting his hands on the sink and staring into the mirror. He shook his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he spoke aloud, to himself. He brought both hands to his head and leaned back against the wall behind him, tears beginning to sting his eyes. He forced his eyes shut and bent over, resting his hands on his knees. ‘I’m a danger to everyone,’ he thought. ‘I’m dangerous just being here with everyone. As long as I’m alive, I’ll be dangerous to everyone I know.’

What he didn’t know, was you had heard him yell when he had jolted himself awake. You had gotten out of bed and made your way into his room, which was open. You saw him standing in the bathroom, keeled over and hands rubbing his face.

“Babe, you okay?”

He jolted up straight and looked at you with a look of relief which was quickly replaced by terror. “Please, go. Just leave, I’m fine. Get out of here.”

While these could be spoken from someone who was angry, Bucky sounded more desperate than anything else. You had never seen that look of fear in his eyes, and you made a decision that you weren’t going anywhere.

Instead, you closed the door behind you to give the two of you some privacy before walking over to him “What’s wrong Bucky? What - What happened to you?” you reached out from him but he stumbled backwards. He held his hands out in front of him, saying “Don’t touch me! Please, just...you shouldn’t be here.”

Again, words spoken more out of desperation than anything else. You dropped your hand and leaned against the doorframe. You could tell he was terrified now that you were closer. His hands were shaking, scratch that, his whole body was trembling. His face was white as if he’d just seen a ghost. You felt tears sting your eyes because you just wanted to help him but he wouldn’t let you in.

“Nightmare?” you ask quietly. He tilted his head and shook his head slightly. “What do you mean?”

You sigh. “Come on, Buck. I know you're not sleeping. You’re always exhausted and you always seem distracted. You’re always way too careful around me and though I love you, I know you start to push me away at times. I swear, I just want to help you, but you have to help me first and tell me what’s wrong.”

He looked at you, panic filling his eyes before closing his eyes and sighing. He sat on the edge on the bathtub and put his head in his hands again, elbows resting on his knees. “Yeah,” he croaked out. “Nightmare.”

You took that as an invitation to slowly start walking forward. “How often do you get them?” you asked.

“Whenever I close my eyes,” he responded, head still in his hands. 

You hesitated before you asked your next question. “What about?” You saw his body tense up again, and you begin to think of ways to backtrack but before you can he says two words:

“Winter Soldier.”

You pause before crouching down, now in front of him. You gently take his wrists in your hands and pull them away. It was now that you could see he was actually crying, and he wasn’t able to look at you. “Is that what this is all about?”

He looked down at the floor and nodded, still unable to meet your gaze. 

“Nothing can make sense of all of those horrible things I did,” he said.

You took a breath. “Buck, I need you to look at me while I say this. Can you do that for me?” After a few moments, he brings his gaze to meet your eyes, and you could see how much pain he harboured there. It broke your heart. “None of that was your fault, okay? You were an instrument to HYDRA, there was nothing you could do. You couldn’t help the things they made you do, okay?” You put one of your hands on the back of his neck to keep him looking at you. You now had tears in your eyes. “It’s not your fault.”

He sighed before averting his gaze. “What if it happens again? What if one day something snaps and I can’t control it? What if -” his voice cracked and he tried to regain his composure. “What if I hurt you?”

If your heart could have broken any more then it would have in that moment. “Is that what all this is about? You’re afraid you’ll - hurt me?” The new wave of tears was confirmation enough for you before he let out a shaky breath. You pulled him into his arms, but this time he didn’t tense. This time he wrapped his arms tightly around you, as if you would change your mind if he let go. 

Both of you were now crying. You were saddened by what was troubling Bucky but so relieved you had finally gotten him to talk about it. Suddenly, Bucky went on. “It’s the same every single time. They send me to kill you and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m completely aware of what I’m doing but there’s nothing I can do to stop myself.” he shook his head. “It always ends the same way.” He pulled back, saying “I’m a monster.”

You shook your head as your eyes widened. “No, Buck -”

“Yes I am!” he exclaimed. “I’m  a danger to everyone Y/n. i just….I don’t understand sometimes. Why do you love me?”

“I know you so well. And I know that you were a part of a horrible experiment that you had no control over. You had horrible things done to you that you will probably never forget, but that’s not who you are. You are a sensitive, caring, protective man who I love and who I know loves me.” You said with a small smile. “And nothing could ever change that. Nothing You say or do will ever make me stop loving you.”

Bucky looked at you through the tears in his eyes, not wanting to ask his next question. “But what if I hurt you?”

You shrugged. “I’ve dealt with worse. Plus, I know you’ll just spend way too long trying to make up for it. You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, Bucky. You and I both know that. And that’s enough for me.”

He searched your face, trying to look for any shred of doubt or hesitancy in what you had just said. But there wasn’t any. There was only love. He placed his right hand on your cheek. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you doll.”

You smiled at him. “You didn’t need to do anything. Do you mind if I stay for the night? I know we’ve never done it before, I just -”

You were cut off by Bucky pressing his lips onto yours. The kiss was loving and gentle, and when he pulled back, he said, “Please don’t go.”

You rested your forehead against his. “I’d never dream of it, Buck.” You smiled. “Til the end of the line, right?”

Bucky smiled back at you. “Til the end of the line.”