#mention of vomiting
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steddieas-shegoes · 1 year ago
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Headcanon- "it's okay, you'll feel better soon."
Dustin, surprisingly, never got sick.
Other than one bout with the flu last year, Steve had never seen him actually succumb to an illness.
So his pitiful whining about being sick now was alarming (and a little annoying, but he wouldn’t say that out loud).
Claudia had to work so she’d called in reinforcements.
Reinforcements being Steve and Eddie.
Steve was currently making soup while Eddie sat with Dustin on the couch, letting him cuddle into his side for comfort.
He heard a cough, then a gagging noise, and he looked up in time to see Eddie rubbing Dustin’s back as he retched into the bucket they provided him when they arrived.
“It’s okay, you’ll feel better soon,” Eddie said softly.
“Need to feel better now,” Dustin said as he tried to catch his breath.
Steve came into the room and sat on the coffee table in front of them.
“All done?”
“For now.”
Steve reached out to grab the bucket, eyes meeting Eddie’s equally concerned gaze.
“I’ll clean this up and bring it right back. You want some water?”
“Mhm.”
“Alright, bud. Just hang tight for a minute.”
It hit Steve as he was washing out the bucket that he hadn’t ever pictured this.
Even when he pictured being an actual parent someday, he hadn’t thought about this.
He’d pictured the fluffy parts, the parts that you’d see in pictures and family videos.
But he smiled to himself as he thought about a future with this:
Eddie holding their sick kid on the couch, Steve making lunch for them and their other kids.
It wasn’t glamorous or fun, but it was perfect. It was love and home and everything he’d ever wanted.
When he returned with the bucket and a glass of water, he leaned down to kiss Eddie’s forehead and ruffle Dustin’s hair.
“What’s that for?” Eddie smiled up at him.
“Just thinkin’.”
“About?”
“How great our lives are and will be.”
“I’m gonna puke again,” Dustin said, barely managing to get over the bucket before he was.
Steve and Eddie shared a small smile before they went back to their tasks.
If this was a glimpse of their future, Steve was all in.
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beauty-grace-outer-space · 1 year ago
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Me: Hey, one last question. I used to be on prescription dose Naproxen for cramps, but I stopped cuz they improved for a while, but now they're pretty bad again--
Gynecologist (Who Stopped Listening to Me 30 Min. Prior and Has Decided I'm Just Crazy): Oh, that's just Aleve!
Me: ... yeah, I know but it's in a higher concentration and dose for--
Her: Just take one Aleve in the morning and one at night!
Me: ... I've been taking six Aleve and triple dosing on Midol and I am still vomiting with pain.
Her: Nooo, don't do that! Just take one Aleve in the morning, one and night, and Tylenol in between!
Me: Ok, but--
Her: (fully leaves the room and doesn't come back)
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iggyalfi2319 · 5 months ago
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While I'm no medical expert, I wanna add my two cents in it.
A mistake people makes regarding paracetamol, just because the medication isn't taking effect fast enough, they take the double dose in hope for it to make it faster.
DON'T DO THAT!
It doesn't boost the time of effects at all, it will only double dose of medication in your system, and this will definitely lead you to a risk of overdose, especially when done WITHOUT asking a professional beforehand!
If you want something with a fast effect, ask your doctor or pharmacist for specific medication.
But if the doctor prescribed you paracetamol because other medications aren't fit for you, patience is the only virtue while waiting for the painkillers to kick in I'm afraid.
Another thing I learned from personal experience, if you took medication when very nauseated and sadly it didn't stay, DON'T RETAKE YOUR MEDICATION WITHOUT ASKING A PROFESSIONAL
When a medication had entered your system for at least 15-30 minutes (can't remember), then it's over. Taking another one because your threw it up can lead to overdose because the first may have already taken effect.
TLDR: Don't double the dose because it's not fast enough or you threw it up. Not without a professional opinion.
PSA:
Acetaminophen/paracetamol has a hard stop upper dose limit, above which it becomes extremely toxic.
That limit is 4g (8 “extra strength” (500mg) tablets) in 24 hours (about 2 tablets every 6 hours).
A single dose of 22 extra strength tablets can kill you.
Taking 12 or more tablets per day for more than a week can also kill you (this is about 3 tablets every 6 hours).
Symptoms of overdose take up to 24 hours to manifest, and are fairly difficult to distinguish from other problems. They include abdominal pain (especially right upper quadrant), nausea, malaise, and confusion.
The antidote (n-acetylcystine) must be given within 8hours of ingestion in order to be useful.
After 10 hours the only thing that will work is a liver transplant.
You might think “why would I ever accidentally take so much?”
Well, acetaminophen is in almost everything in the cold/flu/pain aisle. Migraine combos like Excedrin, cold and flu combos like NyQuil, basically anything that says “non-aspirin pain relief”, and anything that’s branded as a fever reducer. It’s all probably acetaminophen/paracetamol.
So the goal of this post is to get you to read the labels on your medications. Because taking taking Tylenol and NyQuil together for a week (like you might if you had the flu) could kill you.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month ago
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Happy one year anniversary to In Stars and Time!
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stars-obsession-pit · 6 months ago
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In some DPxDC fics, Kryptonite is made of solidified ectoplasm.
This is often used for humor - Danny gets to eat the Kryptonite like it’s no big deal.
But what if it was taken in a different direction?
Ghosts are made of ectoplasm.
Kryptonite’s dangerous effects towards Kryptonians mainly came about after the planet’s destruction (in at least some interpretations, the material is dangerous because it’s infused with radiation from the destruction of the planet).
The destruction of Krypton caused a lot of death—a lot of ghosts—all at once.
The first time Danny laid his eyes on some Kryptonite, he had to run to a wastebasket before he emptied his stomach.
It was full of trapped souls.
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someones-there-1 · 5 months ago
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remembered some poetry excerpts that i liked so boom martin comic. text in first page is from @/ineloquent-creature on tumblr, second page is from @/sainticide on twt, fourth and fifth page is “how to cure a ghost” by fariha roisin!
i always think about like. some quiet moment in the safehouse where martin is struck with the realization that he finally wants to live again. y’know
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timhere · 1 month ago
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Did you know that rats are actually unable to vomit? Crazy
So if they eat rat poison they cannot get rid of it from their systems!
But what's interesting it's not like with horses that have three special partitions or whatever they are called that block the return of food from the stomach to the mouth. The research I've read about shows that their brains don't have this type of reflex programmed at all!
Yeah 👍
spraying you with a hose like the filthy rat you are >:/
{Various gargling/drowning/sputtering noises}
{He now smells like a wet dog}
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bugsinapocket · 9 months ago
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Finally finished hhh
Reblogs appreciated!!💕💕
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tangledinink · 7 months ago
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whining. pouting. sulking, even. he better not use my NICE body wash...
✩ the gemini ✩ [ start ] [ prev ] [ next ]
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sp0o0kylights · 2 months ago
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Part one here:: link
"oh i dunno if Im going to finish this" I say, right before the plot ate me. anyway this was too big to post in full to tumblr. If you want the full, completed fic (with bonus Fun Fic Facts tm) it is finished and up on A03 here:: link
TW vomiting, drug use
Eddie is good.
Eddie is kind.
Eddie does not run over Henderson’s bike, laying haphazardly in Harrington’s pristine driveway, even if it would make him feel better. 
He does slam his van into park with enough force to make the brakes squeal, which he decides is an excellent way to announce his appearance to the entire neighborhood. 
It’s a move he’s pulled countless times. Charging in and making a scene meant people forgot that he couldn’t actually fight for shit, and equally, took their attention off whatever their original target was.
Which in this case, was Eddie’s too fucking nice freshman. 
The rage pulsing through him is white hot and all encompassing, and it’ll get him through a lot--but the switchblade he carries ensures everyone’s safety in these little matters. 
It makes him brave.
Braver than he should be really, but Eddie spent the entire drive over here chain smoking out the window while prepping for this little confrontation and the more he’d thought it all over, the madder he got.
That a washed up jock thought he could still take advantage of actual children. 
Nevermind Hellfire, or Henderson ditching, or Sinclaire’s ranting. 
This was about their relationship with Harrington. 
A picture has been building in Eddie’s head. One that’s only gotten clearer after today, and one he will be putting an end to, because he doesn’t believe for a second Harrington has a headache. 
Henderson might always be the smartest person in the room, but he’s dumb as hell socially. Too honest, too blunt, and frankly, too goodhearted. 
That makes him easy to take advantage of. 
Sinclair was worse--the guy was too easy to guilt trip. 
It was a noted issue with his ranger, and apparently, himself, and Eddie could easily see how Harrington could have twisted the idea of some ridiculous life-debt to keep Lucas in his clutches.  
Even Mayfield, Billy Hargrove’s former stepsister, was wrapped up in Harrington enough to have a go at her own friends over him! 
She wasn’t even one of his flock, but Eddie was her neighbor. Saw how her mom was barely home. How she was practically raising herself, head down, doing her best not to ever let people see her cry. 
Yeah.
Wouldn’t exactly be difficult for a guy like Steve Harrington to swoop in and take advantage there. 
Wheeler clearly wasn’t a fan and Eddie can only come up with reason after reason as to why--King Jackass had the poor kid’s entire friend group under some kind of--of sick spell.
Well. 
Eddie was here to break it. 
Even if it meant storming into the King’s castle by himself and calling him out on his shit. 
Nobody fucked with his people. Especially not douchebag, washed up jocks. 
He’s up to Harringotn’s ridiculous double doors in a flash, banging hard on the wood with a closed fist, positively fuming and uncaring of who sees. 
Surprise, surprise, it’s Henderson who opens it.
“Eddie?” He says, blinking up at him like he’s not sure of what he’s seeing.  “What are you--hey!” 
Hey, because Eddie’s pushed past him, storming into the house. 
“This has gone on long enough.” He announces, loud as he ever has been. “Where the hell’s Harrington?”
Henderson, frustratingly, does not weep or throw his hands up in celebration of Eddie’s incoming rescue. 
Which is fine--Eddie hasn’t broken the spell yet.
Unfortunately he is bitching, in that infamously annoying tone of his.
“Dude, shut up, Steve’s pills really only work for like, an hour--” 
“Fantastic, he’ll be clear headed for our little talk.” Eddie tells him, head sweeping left and  right as he looks for his target. He’s been in Casa de Harrington a few times before to deal, but it was always at night.
He can now say with perfect honesty that the place looks worse in the bright light of the day. 
“Was that Eddie?” Sinclair calls, and Eddie orients towards him instantly, storming down the hall. 
It doesn’t take long to find the kid. 
 Lucas is standing in a kitchen larger than Eddie’s entire trailer, a too-large pink apron drowning his frame. 
He turns, revealing the front of the thing has  ‘Whisk Taker’ written on it in syrupy white font. 
(Baking puns. Disgusting.) 
“Are you cooking?” Eddie accuses with a sneer, though his disgust isn’t aimed at the freshmen. 
This is exactly what he was afraid of finding. 
Lucas just stares at him. “Uh--yeah?” 
“What did I say about too many people, Munson?” Mayfrield spits angrily. It takes a second to locate her--the kitchen is enormous and far too white--but eventually Eddie realizes she’s perched up on a counter next to the largest sink he’s ever seen. 
For a second, Eddie thinks that’s just where she’s chosen to sit. Then she moves, and he realizes she’s washing and drying a series of water bottles. 
He never in his life thought he’d witness Maxine Mayfield willingly do someone else's dishes. 
“Someone get me Harrington.” He’s not trying for anything dramatic, but his voice must sound dangerous because all three freshmen stop dead, eyes wide as if he's just spoken in tongues.
He zeroes in on Dustin with a glare. “Now.”
Who huffs, throwing his hands up in the air like Eddie’s the one being unreasonable here. 
“Absolutely not--we just got Steve to sit down. He’s been following me around the house insisting I’m causing more problems than I’m fixing!”
“Because you are.” Steve says, voice dripping with calm condescension as he appears like a wraith in the doorway. “And I know you’re all into the whole dungeon game, Munson, but this is a little dramatic, even for you.”
Eddie whirls to face him, already vibrating with fury. “Oh, that’s rich, coming from the guy who’s treating them like his personal minions. What’s next, Harrington? Gonna make them re-shingle the roof? Paint your house? Wax your car?”
Steve gives him a flat, almost disbelieving stare. “Do you seriously think I had Henderson miss your game just so I could lounge around while he’s doing chores?”
Eddie doesn’t bite, too busy unloading. “Oh we can both see it’s more than that.”
He doesn’t notice the way Steve’s jaw tenses, or how his hand creeps up to the side of his head, rubbing at his temple. 
“Anything else you want done, Harrington? Maybe make ‘em mow the lawn?” Eddie sneers. “Or teach ‘em to plump your pillows just the way you like—”
Steve finally snaps, pushing himself upright. “You know what Munson, you're right,” he says, voice tight with barely-contained frustration. “I’m clearly a terrible person they need to be rescued from so--”  
He cuts himself off with a hiss,  eyes squeezing shut as his hand goes to the side of his head, and spits out his next words like they hurt. 
“You can play the good guy and take them all home.” 
Dustin, with an exasperated sigh, steps between them. “No,” he tells Steve sternly, as if managing an unruly child, before spinning on his heel to say the exact same thing, in the exact same tone--to Eddie. 
(Jackass freshman can’t even appreciate when they’re being actively rescued!) 
“Eddie, I promise that this isn’t what it looks like.” 
For anyone else it would sound like a plea, but Henderosn somehow makes it condescending.
“We can explain, alright?” Dustin says, raising his hands as though coaxing a skittish animal. “Will you let us explain? Please?”
Eddie glowers. 
“You clearly do not, in fact, know what this looks like. Because if you did,” 
Eddie can make himself menacing and he does so now, pulling on every single year of drama and theatrics and lying to cops he’s had, pushing his shoulders back and making his body tall.
“You would know that it looks like a guy who peaked in high school is forcing a bunch of fourteen year olds to do his bidding.” 
He takes an aggressive step towards Steve, boots thunking hard on the floor. “And that isn’t happening on my watch.” 
“Aren’t you like an extra super senior?” Mayfield says, arms crossed over her chest. 
“Irrelevant!” Eddie swats the air in her direction, as if to physically bat away her words. “I’m still in high school and I’m not emotionally blackmailing a bunch of kids into waiting on me hand and foot while I fake a headache!” 
“Oh ew.” Max’s nose scrunches in disgust, a mixture of disbelief and fury warring on her face. “That is not what’s happening here.” 
“Were you even listening earlier?!” Lucas says, like he can’t quite believe Eddie is this dumb. 
(His character will be the next to die, so Eddie swears.) 
“I did.” Eddie points a finger at him, triumphant. “I heard all about how he’s tricked you into thinking you owe him a life-debt!”
“A what?” Harrington’s squinting, like he’s struggling to follow along what is happening. It’s a halfway decent sick act, Eddie will give it to him, but he knows the facade will drop in a moment. 
As soon as the asshole loses his temper and decides to try and throw Eddie out, he’ll switch from the Poor Me act into the usual pompous, rich dick on a rampage persona. 
“How he’s saved you all, convinced you and Henderson that you’re in debt to him.” 
“Could we just---please stop yelling?” Steve says in the background, heel pressing hard against his eyes. 
Then winces like his own voice hurts his head.
“What the hell, Eddie?!” Dustin’s cut across the room, stepping in between the two older teens. “Where did this even come from!?” 
“Guys.” 
“The mouths of babes, Henderson. Which you would know if you witnessed Sinclair’s rant instead of missing out because King Dickhead demanded your presence at his castle!” 
“Guys.” Steve’s voice abruptly takes on a weird tone, and it’s only Mayfield’s eyes popping wide that has Eddie realizing something is wrong--right before Harrington shoots past him, noisily hurling in the sink.
“Gross!” Max shrieks, throwing herself off the counter. 
Harrington aims a shaky middle finger in her direction. 
“I just washed those bottles Steve, I'm not washing them again!” Mayfield rants, but she’s not fooling anyone. Not with the way she’s already edging back towards him, like she’s afraid he might fall over. 
(Worse, like she might try to catch him, as if Harrington’s broad, barbarian-like shoulders wouldn’t flatten her instantly.) 
“Al-’right.” Harrington slurs a moment later, still panting over the sink. “Everyone--out. Now.” 
“Steve--” 
“Nope. Making it worse. Out.” 
He manages to stand and turn, leaning hard against the counter and for the first time since this all started, Eddie looks at him. 
Properly, and not through the lens of righteous fury. 
Harrington’s pale.
The shirt he’s wearing is stained with sweat marks, his sweatpants clearly old and worn for comfort rather than style. 
His hair…
Eddie has never seen Harrington without his infamously perfect hairdo, and the messy, slick waves plastered to his forehead is more of a shock then him vomiting in the sink. 
He’s got his hands pressed hard against his eyes again, and there’s a slight tremble in his fingers that belay he’s likely in a lot more pain than he’s letting on.
In short, Harrington looks like absolute shit, and Eddie, maybe, possibly, the tiniest bit believes he actually has a migraine. 
Well, it was that or he was really committed to the bit… 
The tense silence that has befallen them all is ruined when Harrington makes a ‘hurk.’ noise.
“I’m going to throw up again.” He decides after a moment of contemplation, before whipping back around to the sink and doing just that. 
“Steve’s right.” Mayfield decides suddenly, over all the nasty noises. “We should leave.” 
“I’m almost done cooking!” Sinclair protests, as if Harrington isn’t presently throwing up the contents of his stomach. 
“You’re almost done burning things, you mean.” Max mutters, but her words can’t hide the blatant concern written all over his face. “I don’t think he’s going to keep anything down.” 
“He needs us to finish what we started.” Dustin argues passionately. “You know how bad he gets, he’s not gonna be able to get up in an hour!” 
(A clear exaggeration, because Harrington looks like he’s not gonna make it across the kitchen unassisted.) 
“What I need is for everyone to stop talking so fucking loud.” Harrington moans, before appearing to give up on life entirely. 
He sort of sags against the counter, resting his head against his arms while bent double, as if that would help things. 
It was at this point that Eddie had the most unfortunate realization that he might be the asshole here. 
Because Harrington looks rough--and if he actually does in fact, have a migraine, then Eddie has done nothing but make it worse.
(Very likely the freshmen have as well, given Dustin is incapable of talking in anything other than a loud yell, and the smell of Lucas’s burnt food has permeated the air.
Mayfield seemed to have accomplished a small amount of actual work, at least.
…If Harrington managed to miss throwing up on the water bottles.) 
“Look,” Harrington interrupts with an audible, thick swallow.“You guys did great, and I appreciate the uh, help. I’m fine, I promise, you can all go home. Munson,” 
He doesn’t turn, but his voice does change into something that’s half pleading, half demanding.
“Can we please fight about this tomorrow? Or next week?” 
“No fighting!” Dustin shrieks, which has the effect of making Harrington cringe into the counter--and that is what finally kicks Eddie over.
Bows to the instincts that now want to wrap up Harrington in a blanket over the ones that want to strangle him, (though both are very much at odds in his head with each other.)
“We can put a pin in it.” He says, all the venom dropping out of his voice,  already knowing what’s going to happen next and hating himself for it. 
Even at his absolute worst, Eddie has never been able to resist trying to fix a problem he’s been presented with--or turn down someone who needs help.
Harrington, clearly, needs help. 
“You heard him.” He tells his freshman, then immediately holds up a hand when all three try to protest at once. 
“Ah-ah, inside voices.” He himself uses a harsh whisper, and then has to fight not to laugh aloud when all three abruptly eye him like he’s lost his head.
He probably has.
(Fucking King Steve.
No one who is that much of a douchebag should ever look that pathetic without deserving it, it’s against the Munson doctrine.) 
“Henderson, have you done anything actually useful while you’ve been here? Like, say, getting a warm washcloth?” 
“I--oh.” Dustin’s on the defense instantly, but for once actually listens before he finishes his sentence. “Uh. No.”
“Go do that then.” Eddie instructs, making sure to keep his voice quiet and even. 
“Sinclair, toss out the eggs, then take the garbage out so it’ll stop stinking up the place. Mayfield, see if these windows open. Harrington…” 
He pauses, watching as Harrington tries to gather himself, moving slowly and deliberately like even breathing hurts. His entire appearance is grating Eddie’s nerves—not because he doesn’t care, but because he does, and that’s infuriating. 
“Go lay down, man.” He finishes lamely. 
He expects the freshmen to listen to him. Knows they will, in his heart of hearts, even if they bitch back, because that’s just how things are when he decides to take charge. So few people truly want to, that others are often relieved when he does. 
Steve Harrington is not most people.
If he argues, he could very well tip things out of control again, which means Eddie is likely going to have to force the trio of fourteen year olds out of the house. 
Henderson and Sinclair he can manage but Mayfield…
Thankfully, Steve pushes off the counter with a groan, muttering something under his breath, but slowly making his way toward the couch without any other protest. 
The freshmen exchange glances, all of them looking just as unsure as Eddie feels. Like they’re waiting for instructions now that their default leader is down for the count.
He clears his throat pointedly. 
“Hello? Did I not give you marching orders?” He bats his hands at them. “Go march!” 
Mayfield mutters something that sounds an awful lot like “hypocrite” but thankfully, does as asked. 
“Are you gonna give us a ride home?” Henderson asks as he finally starts moving around--hopefully to get a damn washcloth. 
“You got yourself here, you can get yourself home.” Eddie scoffs back, taking stock of Harrington’s kitchen. 
He eyes the line of pain pills laid out on the counter, quickly noting not one of them is anything that would help with a sneeze let alone a migraine. 
Typical. 
“Why not?” Dustin disappeared down a hallway, but the fact Eddie can still hear him plain as day speaks to his ability to keep quiet. “You have your van, don’t you?” 
“Because I’m not leaving when you three are leaving.” 
It’s an absentminded comment, given his mind is elsewhere. 
Weed may be his bread and butter but he does have a handful of more serious things on offer. 
Of those things, one or two have some fun little unexpected side effects, and if Eddie recalls Rick’s yapping right, one of said things was stopping headaches. 
Said magic little mushrooms might even be in a pocket or two, here, if he remembers right… 
“Wait, you're staying here?” Lucas protests, far too loudly. 
"Ssszzhh!" Eddie hisses, drawing out the sound dramatically, mostly for the sake of cutting off whatever protests were coming his way. 
“No arguing. Your beloved King clearly needs a nap, and that means you’re all off duty. Unless," he adds with a raised eyebrow, "you intend to watch him sleep?"
Dustin looks torn, but mutters a quiet, "No," his eyes shifting sideways like he's weighing the logic.
"Good. Then if you’re all finished…?”
He waits for the nods he knows are coming. 
“Excellent. Now leave." Eddie says, pointing towards the door. 
They hesitate for a second, but then finally begin to shuffle out, the door clicking quietly behind them. 
And just like that, Eddie’s left standing there, watching Steve breathe shallowly on the couch--with a washrag over his eyes.
(At least Dustin managed that.) 
He could leave now. 
Should leave, really. Giving out drugs for free is not exactly a good business move and Steve will no doubt sleep the headache off without it. But Eddie’s feet don't seem to agree with him, rooted in place as his gaze lingers on the sharp line of Steve's jaw, the slight twitch of his brow every time a muscle aches.
Feels the pull, deep in his gut, to provide the relief he knows he can give. 
Before he knows what’s happening, he’s moving, crossing the room toward him.
“Munson?” Harrington squints up at him as he registers his presence, washcloth nudged upwards by shaky fingers. “Why’r you still ‘ere?” 
“Because I’m stupid.” Eddie mutters, right before realizing he actually said that outloud. 
“What?” 
Thank God for Harrington’s headache. 
“You look terrible, man.”  Eddie says slightly louder. “That hair of yours is so flat I think your crown’s gonna fall right off.” 
He’d meant it as a joke--spoke it like one, but it seems to snap Harrington out of his pity party. 
The sigh that blasts out of him is a whole body affair, and gets his feelings across better than his words do. “I get it. You thought this was something else and it wasn’t. Not the first time that’s happened.” 
He turns, cheek scraping against the fabric of his shirt, red rimmed eyes squinting against the light to look at Eddie. 
“You got your laugh in, so you can go.” 
There’s defeat in his voice. Like he’s accepted this might as well have happened. 
(Like he’s just as beaten down as anyone Eddie has ever saved.) 
“I didn’t stick around to laugh.” Eddie keeps his voice soft, and that somehow, makes the next part easier to say.  
“I honestly thought you were messing around with Henderson and Sinclair, and I uh, I’m used to being the only person who gives a shit. When that kind of thing happens.” 
Harrington grimaces. 
“It’s okay.” he mutters, eyes sliding closed once more. “Most people still think I’m an asshole.”
His tone has gone odd again, wrecked and rasping, migraine clearly trumping whatever strong feelings he had on the matter. 
And the stupid thing was, Harrington himself was never really an asshole. 
Sure he went along with the assholes, and he definitely egged them on if not outright participated in some of the lower tier shitty activities, but he wasn’t the guy slamming people into lockers. 
(Eddie, in fact, has a hazy memory of Steve telling off Hagan for doing said locker slamming.) 
It didn’t make him a good guy--he’d had slung too many insults around to get that label--but in the rankings of assholery, his was of the average variety. 
Which means that Eddie cannot logic himself out of his own stupid desire to help.
Even if he really, really wants to.
“Yeah well, even assholes need assistance sometimes, and since I kicked your help out, it’s on to make up for it.” 
“No offense,” Steve slurs tiredly, “but I don’t think you’re any quieter than Dustin.” 
A smile ghosts over Eddie’s face. 
“I live in a tiny ass trailer, Harrington. Trust me,  I know how to be quiet. I simply choose not to be.” He moves, slow and careful, until he’s seated next to the fallen King on his stupidly huge (and very uncomfortable) couch. 
Steve’s eye follows him over, staring up as he white knuckles his sweatpants, washrag sitting crooked on his forehead. 
“I’m not sure I’m not gonna throw up again.” He admits after a moment. 
“And that right there is one of the things I can help with. Provided,” Eddie waggles his eyebrows, “that you don’t mind taking a more recreational route for your recovery?” 
“....are you offering me drugs?” 
“I am indeed.” Eddie confirms with a real smile, plucking the offending baggie out of a pocket. 
“You ever done shrooms, your majesty?” 
Steve huffs a quiet noise that might have been a snort, had he put any effort behind it. 
“How is that going to help?” 
“Be-cauuuuuse,” Eddie draws the words out, still a showman even if he is doing his level best to talk as quietly as possible, “shrooms are what we call a psychedelic, and those are pretty well known among certain circles as the headache healer.” 
Provided one took the medicinal amount and not the down-the-rabbit-hole amount. 
Harrington’s eyes are back open, only this time they’re looking at Eddie’s fingers the same way a dog looks at a nail trimmer: concerned and not entirely unsure it wasn’t going to bite him. 
“I’m not…” He cuts himself off, frowning. 
“You’ve bought plenty of my weed, Harrington. Trust me this isn’t any different.” Eddie tells him. 
Isn’t offended in the slightest--this reaction is pretty typical for people who have only smoked the ganja. 
Even the ones who asked to try for something with a little more ‘umph.’ 
“S’not that.”Steve admits quietly. “I uh. Had a bad trip. While back.” 
“Ah, gunshy.” Eddie says it without a lick of judgment, because Eddie’s been there.
Or rather in the shower, at two am because he accidentally spilled LSD on his hand and promptly tripped balls for 48 hours after.  
 “I’ll hang around a bit, if you like.” He offers casually. “Make sure things don’t go sideways.”
He gets another huff-snort as Harrington’s watery eyes return their attention to him. 
“And what are you going to do if they do go sideways?”
“Put you back together again.”  
Eddie knows his grin is crooked, but can’t help it. He’s thinking about Humpty Dumpty and the King’s Men.  
Somehow he doesn’t see Steve Harrington cracking that easily—at least, not without putting up a good fight—but drugs did worse things to better people. 
“It really helps?” Steve asks, voice quiet. Doubtful.
Eddie presses his hands to his chest. “Scouts honor.”
“You were not a boy scout.” Steve tells him, but he’s struggling to sit up anyway, looking game. 
“Alright, so how do I do this?” He asks, though he’s already halfway down again, propped up on his elbows.
“First, you lay back down, and I’ll brew it into tea,” Eddie explains. 
“Tea?”
“Well, you could eat them straight, but I don’t think they’d taste too great. Not that I wouldn’t mind watching you try.”
Steve scowls. “Sadist.”
“Guilty,” Eddie replies, biting back the urge to sing-song it, keeping his voice down and steady. “Just a heads-up: they kick in fast, but I’ll go light on you—nothing like the ‘fun’ dose for the usual crowd.”
Which is how he ends up back in the kitchen, this time making tea and humming to himself, before offering the final brewed concoction to Harrington.
Who downs it like a shot, because he’s a fucking frat-bro at heart. 
“I didn’t find a teacup for you to do that.” 
Between a full-body shudder and a dramatic grimace, Steve chokes out “Not gonna lie I didn’t think we owned a teacup.” 
“What, do you think I just have them in my van?”
“Honestly? Yeah.” 
Which is kind of hysterical, and something Eddie may be doing--not that he’s telling Harrington that. 
“And now we wait!” He announces instead of rambling about teacups, nearly clapping his hands together before he remembers the migraine Steve is soldiering through with surprising grit. 
Eddie himself would have turned into a whiny mess, so he can’t help but admire the guy’s restraint.
“Waiting to see if I hurl again, you mean?” Steve mutters, flopping backward onto the couch. “That tasted like battery acid.”
“Think it’s coming back up?”
“No clue.”
They sit in silence for a second, then Eddie pokes, “Maybe it’s best if you crash in your room, man. You look like death warmed over, and this couch sucks.” 
An understatement, if there ever was one. The fucking thing didn’t seem to be made for people to actually sit on. 
Reluctantly, Steve pulls himself up, heading toward his room. Eddie tags along, snarky grin covering the way he holds his hands out in case the jock ahead of him slips on the stairs and takes them both out. 
(Unlike Mayfield, Eddie does not pretend Steve doesn’t outclass him weight wise. The man was built like a brickhouse, and he has to fight to keep his eyes up toward Steve’s hair instead of on his ass.) 
Thankfully, he’s saved from all R-rated thoughts by the sheer horror of Harrington’s bedroom. 
“Harrington, I’ve found the source of all your migraines.” Eddie tells him, tone as serious as he’s ever been.
“Ha-ha.” Steve deadpans, stepping into his plaid fucking room. 
“I’m not kidding, I’m getting a headache and I’ve been here less than five seconds.” 
The whole place truly is a nightmare--like someone took one of those plaid hunting jackets and themed an entire room around it. 
Fucking rich people. 
“Trust me, it’s not the wallpaper.” 
“Given how you’re weaving on your feet, I think it’s safe to say I don’t trust you at all.” Eddie tells him, half helping half dragging Steve towards the bed. 
It’s a comfy looking thing and Harrington falls into it gratefully, immediately crawling under the covers. 
“You know where to find me?” Eddie asks him, refusing to think Harrington snuggling up in his bed is something cute. 
“Yeah?”
“Good. Hit me up next time your head gets bad. I’ll make sure to keep some of this,” He shakes the little baggie, “on hand.” 
Steve’s pulled the covers all the way up past his chin, but he moves it down a little to properly cock an eye at Eddie. 
“Dare I ask what you're gonna charge for that?”
“Let’s call it a fair trade for all those times you’ve driven the freshman home from Hellfire.” 
If Steve even recalls this conversation, that is. Eddie hadn’t exactly given him the “fun” kind of dose, but then, he himself has never tested out what dose is needed to cure headaches rather than simply having  fun destroying one's own ego. 
He supposes that’s something he and Harrington both will have to test, between them--because Eddie meant it when he offered the drugs for free.
No one deserves to suffer from the kind of migraine Harrington clearly had. 
“Think you’re good to drop off.” Eddie tells him, after making sure Steve is happily content in his bed. 
Checks his watch to make sure enough time has passed to safely call it, before beginning to attempt his way out of Steve’s god-awful bedroom. 
Which of course, is when Harrington reaches out, looping his fingers around Eddie’s wrist. 
It freezes him in place. 
In a moment that is so utterly selfish and stupid that Eddie will loudly insist it was a hallucination should Harrington ever dare ask about it, he turns his palm and moves so that he’s clasping Steve’s fingers with his own. 
“Thanks. For all this.” Steve whispers, as they hold hands for a moment. 
Eddie squeezes his fingers against the younger man’s before he moves to make his retreat, flashing a peace sign over his shoulder as he goes.  
“Anytime, big boy.” 
Anytime. 
xxx
The thing no one tells you about creating a doctrine, is that at some point or another, someone’s going to hold you to it. 
In Eddie’s case it’s four very pissed off teenagers.
He has a gold medal in mental gymnastics and a silver in denial. Left on his own devices he could easily excuse everything that happened yesterday. 
Reclassify the fallen King as pathetic, and the kids' weird loyalty to him as a holdover from his babysitting days. 
Blame their nosy-ness on them being involved in Harrington’s life, and happily go back to mocking their relationship with renewed vigor because now he’s not going to handwave their behavior as being afraid of Harrington. 
Nope, they clearly and willingly, have attached themselves to the King, which means Eddie gets to make fun of them for life. 
Pity they don’t leave Eddie to his own devices. 
In fact, the little shits hit him up first thing in the morning, early enough that he's’ a little suspicious that the boys slept over at Max’s trailer. 
“We’re not done talking about Steve.” Mayfield tells him and given the determined (Henderson) angry (Sinclair) and put out (Wheeler Jr.) faces glaring at him from over her shoulder, Eddie figures his chances for getting out of this conversation are slim to none.
“Good morning to you too.” He snarks, voice gravel-deep with sleep. “What do you little shits want?”
“I literally just said.” Max rolls her eyes so hard he thinks about commenting that they may stick back there, only to decide that makes him sound too much like a teacher for his liking. 
(Besides if they get stuck, he’ll have an excuse to whack her on the back of her head without getting murdered for it.
…well. 
An attempt at an excuse, anyway.) 
“And who says I have anything I want to talk about?” He fires back, leaning a shoulder against the old metal doorframe. 
Just because he understood what they wanted didn’t mean he was going to make it easy. 
“Would you just let us in?” 
“No.” 
“Eddie.” Dustin whines, and Eddie redirects his frown his way. “Come on.” 
“Well I suppose if you say it that way,” Eddie hums thoughtfully. “No.” 
“Steve’s sick, you asswipe.” Max snaps angrily. 
“I know,” He volleys back, brightly sarcastic. “I saw him yesterday.”
Because it’s Mayfield, she matches him tit for tat, a mimicry of his sarcastic drawl entering her voice. “Good! You get to see him today too.”
And just like that their little ambush makes sense.
(He’s got to find a new way to get the damn kids to fear him, clearly his usual menacingness  just isn’t cutting it anymore.) 
“And why would I do that?” 
He’s done his good deed. He helped Harrington out, and even offered free drugs to help him get his migraines under control. 
Checking up on the guy was overkill.  
“We were gonna do it, but someone let it slip that Steve was sick.” A cutting glance is given to Henderson, who makes a face but otherwise holds his ground. 
“And his mom called everyone else's parents with instructions that we leave him alone until he feels better.”  
“So now if we go over there,” Sinclair finishes for his girlfriend, “we get grounded.” 
Which neatly answers every question that just popped into Eddie’s head. 
The threat makes sense for the boys--Eddie’s met Claudia Henderson and though she has that bubbly, easy to confuse nature of suburbanites everywhere, there was an undercurrent in her eyes of someone who knew more than she was letting on. 
Or perhaps, someone who simply knew what they wanted, and was happy to settle and wait for it. 
 Likewise the Sinclair and Wheeler parental units seem to want to keep in her--and Steve’s, no doubt, given he carts their kids around--good graces. 
Given Mayfield’s mom wasn’t even home last night, her participation in this farce does not make sense and Eddie narrows his eyes at her in warning. 
“I fail to see how this is my problem.” He says instead of directly calling her out.
She knows he knows, and he’s smart enough to figure out how to relay that without saying it directly. 
(An action taken out of respect for surviving a bad home life, and absolutely not because he’s terrified she’ll crawl through his window to enact revenge in the middle of the night.) 
“It’s your problem because you owe him one.” she tells him firmly. “And us.”
Oh no he does not. 
“How so?” He challenges with a snorted laugh. 
“You did kind of storm into his house and yell a lot.” Sinclair points out. He’s doing better at speaking up, Eddie realizes with a twisted sense of pride and dread. 
Not quite so easy to steamroll after his outburst yesterday. 
A part of him hopes that sticks around--Sinclair needs a spine, and not just because Mayfield will keep running circles around him until he grows one. 
The rest of Eddie is pissed off that he decided to get one now, when it directly impacted Eddie’s Saturday morning sleeping plans.  
Leave it to these dickheads to use a good deed against him.
“Look--we can’t make sure he’s okay. You can.” Mayfield steps up to jam a painted fingernail in Eddie’s chest. “He won’t let us do anything that will actually help him. You, he can't stop.” 
He does not take a step backward and thus lose all the cool points he has left in the eyes of the younger Hellfire members, but only because he’s already leaned up against the doorframe. 
He bares his teeth at her in a silent snarl instead. 
“We made it worse.” She admits, voice sharp. “And I don’t know how to make it better, but you seem to be able to, so congrats Munson--you get to go again!” 
Which gets Eddie’s back right up. 
He pushes off the doorframe, ready to tell Mayfield--and all his little dipshits--right off, except this is when Wheeler Jr., of all people, decides to add in his two cents. 
“If you don’t go, no one else will.” He looks off to the side while he says it, arms crossed tight across his chest and spitting the words out like he's admitting to a crime. “Robin’s not coming back until Monday and Nancy's got some stupid thing, so you’re literally the only person who can go.” 
Well just stab him in the heart, why don’t you. 
“What are the chances of you fucking back off to whatever hole you crawled out of if I refuse?” He asks, already knowing that he’s done for.
Accepted his fate, because he knows what it’s like not to have someone to rely on, when you need them the most. 
“Zero.” Sinclair and Henderson chant as one. 
“Well then.” He tells them with the biggest, most put upon sigh he can manage. “Guess you got me in a box here.” 
Mayfield grins at him.
It reminds him vaguely of a shark. 
A bloodthirsty, slightly demonic, mean shark. 
“Good. Go get dressed.”
“Oh I’m doing this right now, am I?” He complains, but he’s already moving to go back into his trailer. 
“We’re not leaving until you do!” Mayfield yells at him.
Eddie slams the door in her face. 
(He’s never adopting freshmen again, as long as he fucking lives.)
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cjlouwho · 22 days ago
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My idea for a good 9-1-1 storyline is that Buck kills someone (completely justified, the guy was gonna kill Tommy) and it is heavily implied that the 118 just buried the body. And is never caught. Athena is on to them but she tells no one. What do you even do if you're a cop and your husband helps his son coworker bury a body. Also Buck and Tommy get back together.
Sorry, I turned this into a prompt! It's kinda ooc and not everyone is included, but this was fun to write anyway! I also could have made this like 5k, but I shortened it to 2.1k.
It's a gray area.
His hands are shaking, there's a dead man on the floor, and it's a gray area because, “He... He was gonna kill you, Tommy. Wasn't- He was going to, wasn't he?”
Tommy's frozen. He can't look away from the man's eyes, staring up blankly at him. Almost like they are staring straight into his soul. “Buck,” he manages to breathe out.
This is bad. Very, very bad.
“Oh my God. Oh my God!” Buck starts to panic, because he just killed a man! He snapped his neck like a twig, felt him go limp in his arms as he dropped to the ground. Buck had fallen back with him before scooting out from under him so fast you would have thought he was on fire. “Oh my God, Tommy!”
“O- Okay. Okay, Buck. It's okay,” Tommy says, Buck's panic breaking him out of his trance. “I need you to calm down, okay? Just... just let me think for a second.”
“Calm down?! You want me to calm down?! Tommy, I just killed a man! I just killed y-”
“Evan, stop! It was self defense. He... he was coming at me-”
“With a cell phone!” Buck finished. “I- I thought it was a gun, Tommy! I thought he was gonna shoot you.”
“He was still coming at me, Buck!” Tommy tries to reason. “He was being aggressive and making threats and I- I was frozen. You saved me. That's what we'll tell the police, okay?”
“No!” Buck yells. “No, you- Tommy, I'll go prison!”
“Not for self defense! I'll back you up, whatever you say.”
Buck's hands go to his hair at that, pulling at the strands. “Ohhhh, oh my God. Oh, no. No, Tommy. No, no, no.” He's backing away. Backing away until he hits the wall, then he slides down it.
Tommy walks over to him, kneels in front of him. He grabs onto Buck's hands and tugs until Buck let's go of his hair and looks up at him. “Buck, there is nothing else we can do but call the cops.”
Buck's shaking his head, moving more rapidly with each word Tommy speaks.
“He's like seventy years old, Tommy,” he whispers out as though they weren't the only one's there. “They're not gonna believe for a second that we were so threatened by this man that we, that I, had to kill him!” A new wave of panic rushes over Buck, his eyes widening. “Tommy, I killed a person.” His hands are shaking again and Tommy holds onto them tight. “I killed someone.”
“Evan-”
“I'm gonna throw up.” Buck manages to push himself up and away from Tommy, running down the hall to the bathroom. From the living room, Tommy can hear him gagging and coughing.
Tommy stands and turns back to the man. His heart is pounding in his ears. He feels a little dizzy himself, but he can't focus on that right now. He's got to keep it together. Buck needs him to keep it together.
Tommy hears the toilet flush and the sink come on for a second, then Buck was back, looking paler than a ghost.
Before they can get out a word, they hear the sound of a door slamming.
“What-”
“It's Eddie,” Tommy says, realization hitting him. “He was coming over today to spar.”
“D- Don't let him in, Tommy.”
At the same time Buck spoke, Tommy noticed the door was unlocked, and Eddie was one who always let himself in.
Tommy tried to hurry to the door to lock it before it was too late, but... it was too late.
“Tommy, I'm h- Oh my God!”
Tommy was quick to close the door behind Eddie, making sure no one was outside to see or hear anything.
The next ten minutes was filled with Buck desperately trying to explain himself, Tommy trying to calm Buck down, Eddie looking like a confused puppy, and then Buck having a full blown panic attack as the reality of the situation hit him again.
A smack to his chest had Eddie coming back to the present. He went over to Buck to try and help, but he was completely out of it, his breathing so erratic that Eddie wasn't sure how much longer he'd last before passing out.
That's when he pulled out his phone.
“What are you doing?” Tommy asks.
“Calling Bobby.”
“Oh, yeah, because we need more people in on this,” Tommy says sarcastically.
“Hey, no one is getting Buck out of this panic attack but Bobby. You want a dead man in your house all night?”
Resigned, Tommy sighs. “No.”
“Okay. I'm calling Bobby.”
Eddie says nothing on the phone about a dead body being in the house, but he does tell Bobby there was an emergency with Buck at Tommy's place and he needs to come over, alone and fast.
As soon as Bobby steps in the door, his eyes immediately fall to the unmissable body. “What the hell happened?” he asks, hurrying over to the man as if on autopilot. He checks for a pulse, then rests his head over the man's chest.
“He's gone, Bobby,” Tommy says. “He was gone right away.”
“Cap, we need you for Buck,” Eddie says, tapping Bobby's back and pointing over to Buck who is hyperventilating in the corner. “He's... It's not good.”
Bobby doesn't hesitate. He moves over to Buck and squats down in front of him. “Buck?” he tries. Buck's whole body is shaking, breaths coming in shallow bursts. He's sweating, but chilling at the same time. He's in shock.
“Buck? Kid!” Bobby reaches out and gets his hand around Buck's wrist, wiggling him slightly. This seems to help. Buck's glassy eyes drift to him. He looks confused.
“Cap?”
“I need you to tell me what happened, Kid. How'd this happen?”
“I- I- I,” Buck stutters, unable to find the words. “I didn't-”
“Tell me how you got to Tommy's. You drive here?”
Buck nods. “Mhm.”
“Okay. Why'd you come?”
“To- I wanted to-” His eyes move back toward the body, but Bobby moves to block his line of sight.
“Eyes on me, Buck. Why'd you come?”
Buck blinks once, twice. Swallows hard. “I wanted to talk to Tommy. I- I needed to talk to him.”
“Okay, that's fine. What happened when you came in?”
Buck took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I- the front door was cracked open. I heard yelling, so I- I let myself in. He- He was screaming at Tommy, Cap. He kept saying all these h- horrible things and then he was lunging toward him and I thought he... I thought he had a gun.”
“It was self defense,” Tommy reiterates.
Buck shakes his head. “Bobby, he's old. He- He doesn't have a gun. I didn't have to- we're both stronger than him. You know. You know what this means.”
It's a gray area.
“Buck-”
“No. No, Cap, I- I know what you're gonna say and no. We can't tell Athena. I- I will go to prison! I didn't mean it. I-”
“Buck, you can't-”
They start talking over each other, then Eddie gets in on it as well.
“Guys, we've got to do-”
“Kid, you can't run from-
“I'll be a murderer forever! I killed hi-”
“Hold on!” Tommy yells, silencing the room. All eyes turn to him. He sighs. “Just, everyone wait a second. I'll be right back.”
He heads to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind him.
Buck focuses on his breathing as the minutes tick by. Bobby studies over the body, wondering who the hell this man is. Eddie keeps glancing down the hall to see when Tommy comes back out of his room.
Two more minutes feels like an hour, then Tommy is back and stuffing his phone into his pocket. “I know a guy who owes me a favor,” he explains. “We'll get the body to his place and take care of it.”
Bobby holds up his hand. “What now?”
“We're going to take the body to an address I know and handle it there.”
“You just so happen to know a man that cleans up murders?” Eddie asks.
“I know a man who cremates animals, Eddie, and I asked if I could use his facilities. He's out of town right now, but leaves a key under a rock.”
“No offense, Tommy,” Eddie replies, “but this man is a little bigger than a dog!”
Tommy groans. “He lives outsides the city. He cremates cows and horses. This man is big, but not as big as a horse.”
“Wait, wait, wait!” Bobby steps forward. “Why are we not calling the police?”
Tommy glances over at Buck, then leans in closer to Bobby. “He's not totally wrong, Bobby. A detective sees this, Evan's done.”
“What about the fact this is a whole human being?” Eddie questions. “What about when someone comes looking for him?”
Tommy shakes his head. “I know this man, okay? So, I- I don't need you guys to worry about all that. I can take care of that stuff. I just need the body out of my house.”
Eddie points down at the body. “You know this man? Who is he?”
“I think this is a the-less-you-know-the-better type situation, Eddie.” He walks over to Buck, siting down in front of him and resting a hand on his knee. “It's gonna get taken care of, Buck. Don't worry.”
*****
If you would have asked any of these four men what they would be doing at ten o'clock at night on a Tuesday in December, none of them would have said, “Carrying a body to a Jeep and driving it out to the country to put it inside a cremation oven, wait for it to burn, then scoop the cremains into a bag, going to the ocean, and dumping the cremains into said ocean.”
But that's exactly what they did. Then they went back to Tommy's place, vowed never to speak of this again, and went their separate ways.
That night, when Athena asked where Bobby had been, he looked at her with hollowed eyes. “It's a long story.”
She laughs. “What'd you do? Kill somebody?”
When he doesn't answer, she gets worried. “Bobby? Did you-”
“No,” he tells her. “I had to help Buck with a problem, and I really, really need you to not ask anymore questions. Please,” he pleads.
She knows him. It's scary just how much she knows him. “Okay,” she agrees. “No questions.”
She takes his hand and they go to bed.
Eddie falls back on his bed with a thump. He thinks he can sleep, maybe. He's seen dead bodies before. He's seen war. That was worse than this.
He just needed to close his eyes.
So he closes his eyes, and he sees a body. He sees Buck's terrified face. He sees secrets Tommy's hiding. He sees how he pulled Bobby into the mess.
He gets up and grabs his keys. He still knows some places that have underground fights on Tuesday nights. Maybe he'll hit one up.
Buck drives around aimlessly for hours until he finds himself right back at Tommy's place.
He knocks on the door, waits, and then there's Tommy.
“Evan, you shouldn't be here,” Tommy says, but he lets Buck push right past him without a fight.
“I can't- Tommy, I can't go home. Please, I just...” his voice trails off when he sees it. The carpet has already been pulled up, folded and taped, ready to go out with the trash.
“I've been looking for a reason to remodel,” Tommy says, desperate to lighten the mood. Not that that's possible.
Buck turns to him. “I needed to talk to you, Tommy. It... Today's been about me, and that's not right. I- Tommy, I'm so sorry. I am so, so-”
“Hey,” Tommy stops him. “I said it more than once, I'll say it again. Self defense.”
“That's not what I mean.”
They stare at each other for a moment, then Tommy nods toward the couch.
They sit, closer than exes should. They're not touching, but it's close.
“Tommy, someone will come looking for him. That shouldn't be on you.”
“A man like that... Evan, he doesn't have anyone to ask about him. I promise you, no one will care he's gone.”
With tears in his eyes, Buck pulls Tommy to him. Tommy's head rests on his chest, and he cards his fingers through Tommy's hair. “Not even you?”
Tommy lets himself be wrapped up in Buck's arms, lets a couple of tears fall too. “He was never much of a dad to me anyway.”
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incognitopolls · 5 months ago
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We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.
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the-meme-monarch · 6 months ago
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what if i Entirely made up another relationship but with the express intent that they Don’t get together actually. this started out as a lol an lmao even but honestly i think i needed this. cathartically
based on the tags of my post here
👍if you ship scc go away
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the-kr8tor · 29 days ago
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Two Slow Dancers
Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader
Word count: 7.2k
Synopsis: It's the very first day of your first 'real' job, with new faces and names, you find yourself fumbling over a handsome coworker. Will you survive the day?
Tags: Use of Y/N sparsely, no specific physical description of the reader (except for clothing), a bit of loser! Hobie, The office AU, mockumentary AU, Coworkers AU, Coworker! Hobie, Reader has nicknames, one suggestive joke, CW food mentions, CW vomit mention, Fluff.
A/N: Special thanks to @pleaktale for the idea!
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The camera zooms in on your confused expression until the lenses can see every single one of your pores. The producer clears her throat, and the camera man immediately tries to fix the view. The camera lense whirrs for a second before focusing on you as you sit on an old office chair in the corner of the conference room together with the drab eggshell white painted walls and a single plastic plant placed right next to you.
All you can see are the same drab white walls with thirty year old motivational posters tacked on it. The rows of plastic chairs are lined up in front of the whiteboard where a rolling table with a small box tv sits and collects dust. You feel like you're in an uncanny side of the world where everything is all paperwork and the sound of the photocopying machine whirs in the background amidst the smell of old carpet.
This is being a full fledged adult, you thought. You're starting to hate it already.
“Is this necessary? I just got here.” You chuckle nervously, fingers fixing your collar that doesn't need to be fixed.
“Yes, we need everyone's point of view.” The muffled voice of the producer echoes in the boom mic. “And please stop fiddling with your collar, the mic will pick up the sound.”
“Sorry,” you give her a tight smile. “Um, I guess I should give you my name?” They all nod simultaneously, making you more nervous than you already are on your first day of work. Saying your name without stuttering, you mentally pat yourself on the back for your accomplishment. “I–I just started today, and I'm very excited to work here at Connor's and Jameson's.” You smile sweetly at the camera, a rough cough from someone on the crew makes your smile falter. “C–can I go now?”
A sudden deep rumble can be heard through the mic, shaking you in your seat as you hold on to the armchair. “Woah!” As quick as it came, it subsides. “I think that was an earthquake!” You say, eyes wide in panic, fingers fiddling with your collar as your nerves get to you.
“No,” the producer behind the camera sighs, “there's construction just starting next door.”
“Oh,” You wish the earth could swallow you right now. Way to embarrass yourself on your first day, and on camera too. “Right, sorry.”
The scene shifts to your new boss, Miguel, as he watches the bullpen from his office with his watchful eyes. His hands are tucked behind his back, his large frame practically blocking the sun from his window. He sees the camera crew zooming in on him, and he awkwardly straightens up, weight subtly shifting from side to side.
The camera follows his gaze, landing on Lyla, who's chewing on the cap of her pen as she chats you up while you're working quietly on your desk. She wears a cheerful yellow button up complete with the same yellow pants. You gotta admit, she wears business well.
“I'm just saying, it's eat or be eaten in this office.” The boom mic captures her voice. And the camera moves from her to the entire bullpen that's quiet except for the sound of tapping keyboards and clicking mice. “But I'm sure you'll be okay, we're just selling electric toothbrushes. It's not the end of the world of you commit one fuck up.”
You stare at the camera with a wide look before glancing at Lyla. “T–thanks for the tip.”
Lyla tilts her head with a genuine smile, “no problem, newbie. If you need any help, you know where my department is.” As you nod and glance quickly at Miguel, who's still standing still inside his office, Lyla notices your nervous demeanor. She narrows her gaze at Miguel before flipping him the bird.
“Lyla!” You whisper yell, while Miguel presumably huffs in his office and closes the blinds right after.
“What? It's just office banter!” She returns her gaze to you, eyes softening at your nervous glance. “Nice blouse by the way! Pink suits you.”
The scene changes and now Lyla is the one in your former seat inside the conference room. “Let's just say that I have… some information on him.” She smirks before the camera lense zooms in on the window in the background where Miguel stares heavily on Lyla’s back, his nose flaring, and mouth etched in a deep frown. Lyla feels the presence, brows pinching together before looking over her shoulder. “Hey, boss man!” She says without a care in the world (Or without a care for authority no doubt,) while she waves at him casually.
The scene cuts back to you struggling on the copy machine.
The machine keeps eating all the paper you feed it, making a strange and awful creaking sound whenever you press the button. You're sure that you did everything Lyla taught you. The stack of paper goes into the side, then the file you're going to copy is placed on the scanner. Pressing a few more buttons, it should've spat out an exact copy instead of giving you a jumbled mess of paper that looks like a demonic curse was printed on it.
“Damn it.” You curse under your breath. Eyes glancing to the side, you see the camera crew practically stalking you by the pillar. You quickly change your demeanor, back straightening up, shoulders straight but your huffing through the boom mic can still be picked up unbeknownst to you.
Yanking the half eaten paper away from the slot, you internally curse the photocopy god for giving you this trial for your first day. Looking around the bullpen, you see Lyla in Miguel's office, probably getting chewed on for what she did earlier. You definitely cannot ask her for help. Gazing at your right, your other co-workers are busy with their tasks, tip tapping away at their computers with their blank stares. Well, except for that one intern you hadn't had the pleasure of meeting, who's playing minesweeper on his computer. Amazingly, he looks like he's winning.
Hands balled into fists, you're contemplating whether or not you should start throwing punches at the machine. Lyla did tell you its temperamental, maybe a quick punch would make it think twice from giving you hell.
“Thinkin’ ‘bout squarin’ up with the xerox machine?” A sudden new voice startles you in place. His tone is smooth, confident and deep that it sends good shivers down your arms. “Sorry, thought you need some help.” he chuckles, backing away from you when he notices your shocked expression. “You new ‘ere, huh?”
“It's okay,” your nerves bust through your shaky tone. “Uh, yeah, new associate– on probation for the next six months.”
He smiles sweetly, silver lip piercing drawing your attention towards his lips which you immediately correct your gaze by staring at his brow piercing instead. It didn't help much with your nerves, he looks handsome in every angle. It's not like you're looking for an office romance, it's not illegal to stare, right?
Your new acquaintance has his wicks in a ponytail, silver charms clinking against each other whenever he moves his head. He wears a dark button up, untucked and without a necktie. You find him unbelievably charming.
“‘m sure you'll get it. Once you get ol’ Jerry ‘ere to work for you.” He pats the machine as it whirs and eats another piece of paper. His lithe hand grabs your attention, silver rings dotted along it like he's about to play on stage.
You swallow thickly, avoiding staring too long. “J–Jerry?”
“Yeah, we named it after this bloke who worked ‘ere.”
“That's kind of nice.”
“He's not with us anymore.”
“Oh–” you blink, lips already forming apologies.
“He’s retired, we got him a cake and everythin’” you can see that he's trying to tamp down a laugh by how his Adam's apple bops up and down and from how he subtly bites his lip piercing. “Did you think—?”
“No.” You immediately say. He gives you a teasing look, brilliant hazel eyes that are a beautiful mix of brown and green gazes at you playfully. “T–That’s what I thought too.”
“Right,” he says, unconvinced. “My offer of help still stands. But after this you have to tame the bloody beast on your own.”
You nod, “please, I'm starting to rationalize whether I should punch it or not.”
He gives you a genuine smile, “that could work actually. I've seen people do it a few times.”
“Really?” You say with raised brows and a hint of a hopeful smile.
“Nah.” He shakes his head with a smirk, smile widening when you frown at him with an annoyed look. With a chuckle, he reaches towards the half eaten paper stuck inside, fingers wrapping around it to pull away. “‘m Hobie, Hobie Brown. I work in the post room.” He gestures with his head towards the cart full of envelopes and small parcels. “Or what I like to call it in a fancy way, the logistics room.”
“It's nice to meet you, Hobie.” You smile at him, and Hobie smiles back as he finally rips the page away with a rough tug. The paper is suddenly released, the force almost topples him over if not for your quick reflexes. Your fingers wrap around his wrist, and you swear you felt his pulse quicken.
“You okay, Hobie?” As quick as you were, you retract your hand back to your side.
He nonchalantly clears his throat, fist gripping the paper in his palms. “Yeah, thank you…” he waits for your reply.
You give him your name, cheeks warm and palm suddenly clammy as you shift your feet from side to side to hide your bashfulness. With an inhale and your mind returning to the task at hand, you channel your bravery. “Care to teach me how to tame the beast?”
Hobie balls up the ruined paper all without leaving his eyes on you with a gentle smile. A bit unsure but definitely genuine. “Sure, I charge by the minute, by the way.” He jokes.
“Do you take lunch as payment?” You ride with his joke, hands placed inside your blazer pocket to again hide your shyness.
He grins, “I think we'll get along well, probie.”
You two have completely forgotten about the cameras. They got the whole interaction on film, complete with the lingering gazes and soft smiles you two seem to harbour.
“Hobie Brown.” He says while he's sitting on an office chair backwards, arms hugging the back of the chair and chin placed atop it casually. The producer eggs him on to continue with a single look. Hobie sighs, standing up swiftly before twirling the office chair away from him in one fluid and suave motion. “I work in the post room.” He crosses his arms on his chest, annoyed. “I've been ‘ere for three years. Don't like it, but it helps pay the bills, innit?”
“Can you tour us around the mailroom?” The producer asks in a hushed tone but loud enough to be captured by the boom mic.
“No.” He says flatly, already turning to leave the camera crew as he wheels his mail cart out of the room wordlessly.
The camera is left to just roam all over the organized chaos that is the mailroom. Everything seems to be in place but at the same time it's not. All the envelopes are in their correct spots on the large shelf on the far end of the wall, but all the boxes are shoved in a corner, all stacked up. It's a miracle that it's still standing without toppling over.
The mic picks up muffled chatter out in the hallway. Hurried footsteps can be heard as the crew follows the source of the sound. The camera peeks at the doorway, tilting to get a better look of you, who seems to be chatting Hobie up with a polite smile on your face.
“Mr. O’hara said that the shipping company messed up and gave us a different sample product.” You hold the box in your arms, clearly opened but was hastily closed off with masking tape. “He asked if you could send it back?” You ask sheepishly.
Hobie's whole demeanor seems to change as the white fluorescent light shines on your bashful eyes. “Sure, I know those blokes. I can even get it shipped for free.” He opens his arms, receiving the box from you, hands briefly brushing along his own. “They rarely fuck up, what's inside?”
“Uh,” you laugh nervously, cheeks aflame. “Something that is electric but definitely not a toothbrush—” before you could warn him, he shakes the box. It sets off numerous buzzing sounds inside. Hobie's neck snaps up towards you in a flash, with a smile slowly spreading across his amused face. “Yeah…” You wince, biting at your lower lip. “They're not toothbrushes.”
“Holy shit! It's—”
“Don't say it, Hobie!” You say through your grin. “Miguel was furious!”
His loud guffaw echoes down the hallway, making the boom mic pick up the sound, almost shattering the mic itself. Earning a high pitched sound emanate from it briefly. The poor sound tech had to take off his earphones lest he breaks his eardrums.
Hobie laughs harder. “I bet. I'd pay to see him all mad like that.” Shaking the box even more, the buzzing sound makes you chuckle, hand clasping over your mouth to tamp down your giggles. He mirrors your smile, finding your laughter contagious. After you've composed yourself, worthy of being your business self, he gestures towards the mailroom with his head. “You wanna see the post room, probie? It's not as glamorous as the bullpen but it's alright.”
“As long as you don't shake or god forbid, open the box.” You playfully gesture with your index at the box in his hands.
“Only if you ask.” He jokes back, or was it flirting on his end? Clearing his throat, he sees you widen your eyes, breath hitching in your throat. “I wouldn't, don't worry.” He immediately decides to remedy the awkwardness, feeling that he might've offended you. “There's a parcel ‘ere that's dated to be delivered in ten years. Don't ask why because I don't know.”
“In ten years? Weird, who's it addressed to?” You follow Hobie despite your thudding heart. He makes you feel like you're back in school again with all the crushes and lingering gazes across the classroom. Maybe it's not so bad to befriend someone else here that isn't Layla.
The camera crew immediately runs to the other end of the hallway to continue secretly filming the two of you, before you or Hobie could see them. Hobie opens the door for you, balancing his hold on the box and on the door.
“Yeah, it has your name on it.” You gasp right next to him. He smirks, eyes glancing at you teasingly. “Just fuckin' with you, probie.”
“I have a name, y’know.” You roll your eyes, seeing something move in your peripheral.
“You're probie until the lunch club says so.”
“The lunch club?” You ask, head tilting at the peeping camera from the corner of the hallway.
“You'll see,” Hobie shakes the box again to get your attention.
“You—! I told you not to shake it again!” Your giggles get muffled as you close the door behind you with a creak. The noise is followed by Hobie enthusiastically giving you a tour of the mailroom to the whole documentary crew’s amusement, and half disappointment.
You finally make it to lunch without a hitch. Without any more raunchy parcels and without you tripping over your own heels on the carpeted floors.
The camera follows right behind you, giving you enough space after you complained to Lyla in the HR department at how they've been too close to you, and hindering your work. (They haven't, you just find them annoying.) Hobie seems to have the same idea as you when he went to her office to tell them off too. According to him, ‘If I see another camera up in my face, I'll break their dodgy lenses.’ He said it with such gravitas that the documentary crew backed away immediately with their tails tucked in between their legs.
You grasp your lunch box in your hands, eyes roaming around the small break room with a few tables and chairs all grouped up. The vending machines on the side of the room whirr, its lights flickering in and out that has you suddenly creeped out. You blame Hobie for telling you a story about a night janitor that cleans the whole building even without its head attached to his neck.
Goosebumps appear on your arms when you remember how eerily he told it. Still, you were properly entertained before you had to go back to work, back to your drab computer with its boring programs and even more boring paperwork. Hobie makes it all bearable. You smile at the thought. Good thing that you're the only person in the breakroom, or your new coworkers would think that you're losing it. Then you remember the camera zeroing in on your face, you want to throw your lunch at them. If only it didn't cause you your job.
With a sigh, you claim the table nearest towards the vending machine. Sitting down your packed lunch, a bottle of your favourite iced tea grabs your attention inside the vending machine, begging to be let out of its glass confines.
Rummaging through your blazer, you could only find a stick of gum, and a button that magically flew out of your sleeve when you moved to grab a stapler earlier. You sigh, longingly staring at the sweetened tea. You bet that it'll help make your miserable first day a bit better. But alas, you're too lazy to go back to your desk to quickly grab your wallet.
Suddenly, an arm appears next to you, you almost screamed at the appearance if not for the recognizable rings around his fingers.
“Hobie, you scared me!” You clutch your imaginary pearls. “I thought you were—”
“The night janitor?” He smirks teasingly. You find him adorably infuriating. “D’you still need that change?” Glancing at his hand that's clutching the coin, it’s ready to be placed inside the coin slot, just waiting for your cue.
The camera crew backs away further into the corner, having the perfect view of the entire room and your interaction.
“I—” you wince when you pat down your other pocket, cursing at how your pencil skirt doesn't even have pockets. “— will you, please?” Great, your embarrassment will transcend through TV screens from now on.
Hobie smiles softly, coin clinking inside the machine as it falls. “Choose your poison, probie.”
Without a doubt, you press the number that correlates to your favourite drink. “Thanks, Hobie. I'll pay you back later. I'm supposed to be buying you lunch, remember?” You crouch down as the bottle tumbles down with a thud, falling right into your waiting hand. It's cold to the touch, the bee mascot on the packaging greets you with a cartoonish smile.
“Don't mind it, I have my own lunch. Save the IOU for another day.” he says as he sits down, setting his own lunch adjacent to yours. “Take it as a welcome gift.”
You turn around to face him, having a hard time opening the bottle cap. “And here I thought you wanted me out of here.”
Hobie scoffs without malice laced in it. The camera lense zooms in on his gentle smile. “Please, I don't give a tour to anyone in my post room just like that.” He gestures for the bottle wordlessly, fingers opening and closing in a come hither motion.
“I thought you brought all the new girls in there.” Teasing, you sit down in front of him, handing him your drink which he opens for you without a struggle. “Thanks.” He hands it back, warm fingers unintentionally brushing along your own.
“Not all the new girls.” He shrugs. “Jus’ the ones with the weak wrists.”
“Hey!” You chuckle, “rude. The cap was screwed in too tightly.”
“Sure, probie.” He opens his lunchbox, the smell of savoury meat and sautéed vegetables makes your hastily made sandwich look like it came from a microwavable meal.
“Wow.” You blink at the perfectly cooked rice. “Is that turmeric in the rice?”
Puffing up his chest, he smugly smiles. “Yeah, Beef broccoli with oyster sauce.”
“Damn,” you look down at your regular white bread egg sandwich. “Wanna switch?”
He chuckles, “no.” He makes sure to enunciate.
“Worth a try.” You mirror his smile. “Did your girlfriend or partner make it?”
“Nope, no girlfriend. Made it myself.” He says the last sentence proudly.
No girlfriend, huh? “It's pretty amazing that you have time to prep meals.” You take a bite of your abysmal lunch.
“That's what gets you when you don't have a partner.” Hobie scoops out a decent amount of his meal with his spoon, “your sandwich is…”
“Shit, I know.”
Chuckling, Hobie looks at you through his shining hazel eyes. “I was gonna say alright, but that works too.”
You take a sip of your iced tea, letting the cool drink douse your obvious shyness and flustered state whenever you converse with him. Lyla's words during the orientation keep repeating in your head, ‘no office romance,’ she said. ‘It's too complicated,’ she said. Is it though?
“So what's the lunch club? Shouldn't they be meeting up right about now?” Just as you said it, the doors swing open, revealing three college aged kids in their business outfits.
“Sorry we're late. Pav here needed to finish something.”
“Don't blame me,” The one with the flowy hair and dark brown suit scrunches his nose. “You're the one who's playing minesweeper all day, Miles.”
“The fields aren't getting cleared all by themselves, y'know?”
The only girl in the group sighs and rolls her blue eyes, pausing in the doorway once she sees you sitting with Hobie. “Well, who do we have here?” Her voice puts a stop to the arguing.
“Meet the new girl. Gwen, meet Y/N. Y/N, meet Gwen.” Hobie gestures over to the blond then to you.
“Hi, it's a pleasure.” You say whilst quickly chewing your food to appear somewhat presentable when they caught you mid chew.
“Oho, so she's the one you've been yapping about, Hobie.” Gwen crosses the small distance, palm patting Hobie on his shoulder. “Now it's really nice to meet you.”
“You talk about me?” You tilt your head, eyes narrowed playfully.
“He will not shut up, trust me.” Pav waves towards you in greeting. “I'm Pavitr by the way! I wish you could meet Gyatri but she's out sick.” He sighs, sinking down on the chair.
“It's nice to meet you, Pavitr.” You smile genuinely at the seemingly lovestruck Pavitr.
“Don't mind him, he just misses his girlfriend.” The one in a white button up and black lopsided necktie holds out his hand to you. “I'm Miles Morales.”
“Pleasure,” you shake his hand briefly while Hobie watches you interact with three of them. The documentary crew fades in the background, practically a fly on the wall by now that the group has gotten used to their cameras and lights. “I'm guessing this is the lunch club?”
“That's what Hobie told you?” Gwen sits down next to you, sliding drinks she got from the vending machine towards each of her friends. “We're more like the gossiping slash complaining club.”
You chuckle, “you guys are interns?”
“Unpaid interns.” They all say simultaneously in the same monotonous tone.
“It should be Illegal.” Hobie says, elbows placed on the table to address you fully.
“Not being paid for work in the guise that it's just an internship therefore the ‘pay’ is experience?” You make quotation marks with your fingers. Hobie raises an amused brow while the three share a knowing look that you can't quite decipher.
“That and interns.” Hobie shrugs with a smile, you snort at his joke, gazes lingering for a second before returning to each of your meals.
Gwen smirks and nudges Hobie's leg with her foot. The camera picks up and records their wordless conversation before she turns towards you. “If not for me then the mailroom would be a complete mess.”
“It's organized, Gwendy.”
“Well you did a shit job at organizing it.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, fuck you.”
Miles leans towards you, “Hobie's technically her boss.”
“Doesn't look like it. They argue like siblings.” You watch them with amusement, eyes crinkling in the corners. You decide to save everyone's lunch, “so… the lunch club is just you guys chatting about?”
“It’s more than that!” Pav says while he quickly swallows his lunch, “it's a way of life!”
“We sometimes meet up to play a gig at some dinghy place, or to just hangout after work.” Gwen smiles at you, hand clasped around her drink after Miles tried to switch it with his. “Wait!” Her blue eyes sparkles, “you haven't told her that you're in a band, Hobie!”
The trio gives Hobie a wry smile. Mischief glimmering in their eyes. “Yeah, Hobie, tell her about that time you played for one thousand people.” Pav nudges him with his elbow with a wink that you missed.
“You're in a band?!” Your expression brightens. “That's so cool! My roommate’s in a band, what do you play?”
Hobie throws the trio a quick glare before clearing his throat. “The guitar—”
“Just don't ask him to serenade you— Ow!” Gwen flinches in her seat, gaze narrowed at Hobie.
Your smile gets brighter, “you must be good at it then, playing for a thousand souls isn't a walk in the park.”
“Pav’s exaggeratin’, it was only a hundred or so.”
“Please,” Miles scoffs with a raised eyebrow. “It was definitely more than ‘a hundred or so.’” He copies Hobie's accent imperfectly. “You should've seen him,” he points at Hobie with his thumb while animatedly talking and clearly gassing him up. “He was basically Freddie Mercury up there— Ow, what?!” He stares at Hobie as if his looks could burn a hole through his head.
“He has a show next week—” Pav suddenly exclaims. “don't you dare, Hobie!” He points accusingly at Hobie. A moment passes while the two have a stare off. Meanwhile, the camera zooms in under the table where Hobie's foot is threatening to kick at Pav's leg.
Hobie sighs, blinking away his annoyance, (and putting his foot down) “it's in the white horse pub, if you're free next weekend.”
“Drinks are on Hobie—!” Gwen quickly says before twisting in her seat, effectively dodging Hobie's attack. “You should go! The rest of the band will appreciate a new face in the crowd.”
“Are you guys sure?” You bite the inside of your cheek. “I don't want to impose.”
“Impose away, probie.” Hobie smiles at you, dimples in full display. “‘sides, the pub’s fish and chips are unmatched.” His eyes sparkle under the fluorescent light of the vending machines.
You nod bashfully. “Sure. You had me at fish and chips.”
The trio share a knowing look before side eyeing the camera simultaneously with the same expression while you and Hobie gaze at each other with slight trepidation.
Before your first day could end, Miguel O’Hara calls everyone in the conference room for a quick meeting. You highly doubt that it's a quick meeting though since there's only thirty minutes before the day could officially end. Couldn't he just email it instead? Or maybe this is about *that package. If it is, you don't want to go.
With a huff and a quick but tired look at the camera, you make your way towards the conference room. As you enter, Miguel stands at front, muscular arms crossed over his chest, eyes scanning the room.
You avoid his stare, finding that your new boss scares you just a tiny bit with his air of authority around him.
Leather shoes and heels shuffle on the floor as each employee finds their place on their seat. You find the farthest chair to sit on in hopes of staying invisible. The plastic chair squeaks as you sit, cringing at the sound, knowing that the mic probably picked it up. You're starting to hate this documentary crew following your every move. Who would even find an electric toothbrush company entertaining to watch? Moreso to film its day to day operations? It's a complete mystery to you.
The room slowly fills up with you sitting at the back, your fists bunch up at your skirt with your nerves bothering you as Miguel scans his brown eyes around the room. The man sitting in front of you twists in his seat, a smile etched on his face.
“You're the new kid, huh?” You nod at him sheepishly as he reaches for you in greeting. “I'm Peter B. Welcome to the shit show.”
“Nice to meet you?” You shake his hand despite what he said.
The woman next to him sighs audibly, curls bouncing as she looks over her shoulder over to Peter. “Don't depress the poor kid on her first day, Peter.” With a polite smile, she addresses you. “I'm Jessica, don't listen to him, he's nihilistic. And likes to scare the newbies.”
“Well, I couldn't do it to Harry, might as well do it to— what's your name again?” Peter raises a brow at you.
“I haven't given it to you yet.” Chuckling nervously, you give him your name, fists unfurling around your skirt as you find them weirdly comforting. Like your favourite aunt and uncle you only get to see during the holidays.
“And I'm that Harry.” Someone suddenly speaks on your right. You almost jump in place if not for his gentle and unassuming smile. “I was hired a month before you.”
You take his waiting hand and shake it politely, finding his hand warm and friendly. “Y/N. Got any advice?”
Harry chuckles, a strand of auburn hair falling over his eye which he quickly brushes away casually. “My advice?” You nod, “go with the flow, and don't take it too seriously. The world won't catch fire if you accidentally mess up your documents. Worst case is that someone won't be able to brush their teeth for a few days.”
“Thanks.” You utter with a chuckle.
“No problem, oh, and uh, stay away from the bathroom on the second floor.”
You blink, curiosity written all over your face. “Why? Did someone die there?” You whisper the last sentence.
Harry leans closer, whispering back, pausing for suspense as you wait with trepidation. “...No, the other workers in the building just like to take a dump in there.” With every word, his smile grows. “Why would you think someone died there?” He says teasingly.
Just as you laugh, Hobie finally enters the room with the trio in tow. Miguel gives them a sour look for being late. You glance at him, “I think someone gave me that idea.”
Harry shakes his head with a smile, leaning away as Hobie sits down on your left. Harry gives him a polite nod before glancing softly at you and returning his attention to the front of the room. The camera zeroes in on Hobie's colder gaze at the man right next to you.
“What'd I miss?” He crosses his leg over the other casually, foot nudging you gently.
“Not much, just a few introductions—” Miguel's voice suddenly calling your name interrupts you. You feel like a student again when a teacher scolds you for talking in class. “Yes— sorry?” You stand up lightning quick, hands sweaty and stomach plummeting down.
“I was going to ask if you want to introduce yourself.” Miguel blinks at you, suddenly, you feel the room shrinking and with everyone's eyes on your trembling form.
You want to run and hide somewhere. Maybe not in the second floor bathroom.
“Uh, yeah, s–sure.” You curse yourself internally for fumbling over your own words. Saying your name, your throat feels like it's about to close on you. Someone coughs within the crowd, you feel faint. Hobie notices, the back of his hand brushes atop yours. You look down at the source, and he nods and smiles at you, encouraging you gently. “And I— I'm excited to work with all of you.”
Miguel nods, satisfied, giving you a glance as he tells you to sit back down. You can see Lyla give you a thumbs up from her seat up front.
“Nice job,” Hobie whispers to you, shoulder nudging your own. You inhale deeply whilst the camera lens focuses on you and Hobie. Miguel's words drones on, fading in the background. “Oi,” he says gently, “just breathe, yeah? It's over, you did brilliantly.”
“I think I'm gonna vomit.” You huff, trying to inhale and exhale out your bundle of nerves. “I almost fucked that up.”
“But you didn't.” Smiling, he taps your hand with his pinky. “Keep breathin’ for me. Don't want you gettin' sick all over the floors. What would the night janitor think about you now.”
You clasp a hand over your mouth to quiet down your chuckles. “Thank you, Hobie. I'm sorry that you have to keep saving me.”
Your whispered words make him grin, hiding how his cheeks grow warmer atop his shoulder. “No problem, it's part of my job description—”
“Hobie Brown!” Miguel's voice echoes from the front towards the back of the room, you flinch at the sound. “What do you do during an earthquake?”
Hobie's brows pinch together in confusion. “Why?”
Miguel rubs at the skin in between his eyes. Cameras flicking over to him and over to Hobie, who's grinning mischievously. The trio, except for Gwen, mirrors his playful grin.
“Dios mio, it's because we've been talking about an earthquake drill for the past five minutes.” You can tell that Miguel’s holding back from swearing.
“Ah, that.” Hobie smirks, feigning confusion. You swear he was actually listening to Miguel while he was talking to you. “Get on the floor and roll over?”
You almost laughed, Pav does, which was immediately extinguished by Miguel's stern stare.
“No, that's for when there's a fire.” Miguel gestures towards Harry right next to you. “Osborne.”
“Duck, cover and hold.” He shrugs, glancing at you, or was he staring over you and towards Hobie instead?
“Good,” Miguel breathes out a sigh, “the company wants us to practice what to do in the event of an earthquake.”
Hobie snickers in place. While Miles raises a defiant hand. “But there hasn't been an earthquake in New York since 1884.”
Miguel pauses like he's also thinking on why the company would instruct him that. “They just want to cover all the bases.” He says confidently, you admire at how fast he came up with that. “Lyla here will show you how—”
The floor suddenly shakes, and you grip at the nearest thing near you, which is coincidentally, Hobie's hand.
“Earthquake!” Lyla yells atop her lungs, already running out of the room in haste, leaving everyone to fend for themselves. Everyone follows right behind her, panic settling in everyone.
Hobie glances at you, with a playful wink, he launches off his chair, hand clutching at your wrist gently. You follow a half second later, heels clicking against the floor as you try to keep up with his long strides.
“Wait! It's just the—” Miguel gets bumped by Peter, stumbling briefly before catching himself. “Lyla! It's just the construction next door!” Still, everyone sprints off, leaving him alone in the room.
With everyone either in a panic or just following the crowd without an ounce of haste, Hobie seems to be having the time of his life. Cackling above Lyla's high pitched screams whilst he holds onto your wrist.
“C’mon, probie! Don't want the buildin’ to fall on you now!” He says while running with measured steps on the stairs of the fire exit. You're sure that running out of a building during an earthquake isn't wise, but the shake wasn't technically an earthquake.
Your panic is replaced with something lighter, smiling as he holds onto you. “Do you know it's just the—?” Foot stumbling over the other whilst you two run down the stairs, he immediately twists around when he feels that you've become suddenly weightless right behind him. “Shit!”
“Got you!” Hobie's arms catch you mid air as you instinctively yelp and grab a hold of him. His back hits the wall in a groan, eyes briefly closing from the sudden ache. “You alright?”
“Me?! Are you okay?!” You actually panic now, scanning him for injuries, head craning to look at the back of his head. Thankfully, you don't find any injuries. “Oh thank fuck.” Thumping your head on his shoulder, he chuckles as his hands hovers above your back.
The rush of footsteps subside, and you two are left alone on the staircase. His shallow breaths echo while you lean away, but still near enough to see his dimples and how flustered you look in his gorgeous eyes.
“Sorry for draggin’ you around, love.” The new nickname has your head craning up to look at him at lightning speed. “Thought you could keep up.”
You two don't notice the lone cameraman atop the stairs, watching the scene unfold, all the while having a front row seat.
Your palms are on his chest, lips slightly agape, eyes gazing into his hazel eyes. “I did, you're not the one wearing heels, Hobie.”
“There you go, fight back, love.” His voice warms your chest as he smiles at you and only you.
Heart beating rapidly, you hear footsteps from behind, and you immediately unlatch yourself from Hobie. His warmth is left etched on your form, eyes glancing shyly at him, finding that he's already staring at you with the same softness.
“Good, you're still here.” Miguel huffs from the top of the stairs, “get the others back up here.”
The scene shifts to Miguel sitting alone in his office, looking disgruntled and tired. “I want to quit.” He says in a flat tone.
It's finally time to go home. You close your computer and grab your things, waving goodbye to Lyla, who's staying behind to work on paperwork. You guess that's her punishment for setting off panic in the whole office.
Mind recounting your whole day, you enter the elevator on auto pilot. The elevator door starts to close, but a hand reaches in between the closing doors, effectively opening it.
Hobie's expression brightens when he sees you.
“Hi, Hobie.” You smile, holding the door for him to give him time to enter.
“Love.” He tips his head to you, joining you in the elevator. He puts on his leather jacket filled with shiny spikes and buttons all around it, atop his button up, making him look like a tough businessman of sorts. “Headin’ home?”
“Yep,” you pop the letter ‘p’ whilst trying your best not to ogle him. “My roommate’s picking me up, we're gonna go celebrate with a couple pints of ice cream.”
“Cute.” He mumbles, quickly clearing his throat right after.
“Huh?” You glance at him, heart thudding, and hands clammy around your bag.
“I said that it's adorable, celebratin’ your first day.”
“You think it's childish?” Your brows pinch together.
“Didn't say that,” he backtracks, “I think it's nice to celebrate it.” You hum in reply. “I didn't mean—” Side eyeing him, you tamp down your laughter by biting down on your lip. He catches on immediately. Shaking his head with a fond smile, Hobie leans on the elevator wall, hands casually shoved in his pockets. “Cheeky.”
“Learned from the best.” You shuffle on your feet to hide your shyness. “What happened to the camera crew?”
“They went home, they have regular hours too y’know. Why, you miss ‘em?”
“God, no.” The doors open with a ding as Hobie chuckles at your reply. You exit the elevator, shoulders aching from how much you've been sitting down today.
“Before I forget.” Stepping off, he opens the glass door for you, propping it open with his body as he rummages through his pockets. You wait for him patiently, watching as he pats all his pockets. “‘ere.” Handing you a piece of paper, he waits for you to read it.
“Is this?” Reading the contents written in his handwriting, complete with a little doodle of the iced tea you had for lunch. Your eyes soften under the orange sunset.
“The recipe for my beef broccoli I had for lunch.” He shrugs, hand scratching at the back of his head as he stares anywhere that isn't your shining eyes. “It's easier than you think it is. It only took me about 30 minutes to cook because I chopped everythin’ up and prepped it the night before. I stopped eatin’ at shitty fast food places when I learned to do it myself.” He rambles on nervously, hiding his sweet gesture with numerous explanations.
You pat his arm before pocketing the recipe for safekeeping. “Thank you, Hobie. I'll make sure to make extra for you.”
The corner of his lips tug up into a gentle smile. “Make sure you give me an extra serving of beef then, love.”
You nod, heart beating loudly against your chest. “Does this mean I'm part of the lunch club now?”
“‘Course.” He says it like it's the most obvious thing ever. “The council has approved your membership. That includes the rest of my band mates.”
“And here I thought the council only consisted of you and a trio of teenagers.” You take a jab at him in an effort to tease him.
“Fuckin' cheeky, you're hangin’ ‘round me too much—”
A familiar weight suddenly falls on your shoulders. “Who's this tall drink of—”
“MJ!” You immediately clamp her mouth shut with your hand to save yourself the embarrassment. “This is Hobie, my coworker.”
Hobie's brows furrow, the cogs in his head turn at the sight of the red haired. “I think I know you from somewhere.”
Mj moves your hand away before answering. “Wait, I think I know you too!”
Recognition flits over their faces, eyes widening. “You're in that band!” They say at the same time while pointing at eachother.
MJ leaves your side, and Hobie fist bumps her hand in greeting. You're standing in between them so you back away a little to give them space. You smile at their interaction, it's such a small world that they actually know each other. You're happy that your best friend is acquainted with your new friend.
“You're in ‘Mary Janes,’ right?” Hobie's smile grows bigger.
“Bitch, I am the Mary Jane!” She gestures in a ‘here I am’ pose, continuing to chat him up.
“Shit, I like your music, mate.”
“Dude, yours absolutely fucks hard!” Mj jumps on the balls of her feet excitedly. “I saw you guys play last month, the crowd was wild!”
“We have a gig next week at the white horse, wanna come with?”
“Fuck yeah, my guy!”
As they talk, you blend into the background. Your mouth opens to try to get a word in, but their enthusiastic words plow over your own. Your smile falters as they slowly forget about you standing on the side. So you wait, and wait like a kid waiting for their parent to stop talking to someone they bumped into at the grocery store.
Your first day wasn't so bad, right?
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prokopetz · 8 months ago
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So... is Pomni puking going to be, like, a thing in this show? She gets a vomit shot in both the pilot and episode 2, and she throws up Bubble in the interstitial teaser – it feels like we're establishing a bit here.
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watcherwiki · 27 days ago
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video for the Busted Little F*****s Collection posted on the Watcher Stuff website, November 27, 2024
[script text under cut]
Hello everybody. I'm Shane Madej, the Estranged Producer of the educational program Puppet History.
Recently we released an adorable plushie version of our beloved Professor. But we didn't release them all. Why? Well, because it turns out creating plushies is not an exact science. Mistakes can very much be made. And they were.
Like the reprehensible Doctor Victor Frankenstein we sought to make a plush in the Professor's image, and we can only assume that God Almighty was none too pleased, as he in his vengeful wisdom cursed us with some truly Cronenbergian monstrosities. Turn away if you're of weak constitution. That's right. Look upon these busted little f*ckers! Look upon them and weep. Awful. Who is this? A history point from him? Welcome one and who? What on earth? I'm gonna vomit.
(purging himself of the horrors)
As it happens, even these gnarly little freaks need a home. So today, we're releasing them into the wild. Yes, you can adopt one of these janked up doofuses for your very own, because the Busted Little F*ckers collection is now live. Now, wherever you go, you'll have a deranged little friend. Take him to the quarry. Do crimes with him. Leave them at the mall. Tie a rock to him and throw him in a lake. You can do all these things and more.
These freaky babies are deeply discounted and supplies are limited. So act fast! You don't have to buy one, but you can. Thank you for your time and may God have mercy on our souls.
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