#mental mutley

[gretchenzellerbarnes]

OK, so, I'm beyond devastated, I don't know what to write but I feel like I have to do something, so here goes... This little bundle of joy is Amber, my Grandad's dog. My Grandad died 6 years ago from Pneumonia, but I always still called her his dog, even though sometimes I'd joke that Amber thought she was mine.

Amber was put to sleep on Friday 7th April. She stopped eating & drinking, she couldn't hold anything down, couldn't move & had to be taken to the vet, who told my Gran that Amber had developed some kind of abdominal obstruction & that she wouldn't survive the operation.

It just happened so suddenly, I mean she was okay last weekend, then my Gran called me on Friday night to tell me that Amber was dead. I couldn't get my head round it at first, I think I was in shock.

I was angry because my Gran didn't call me before Amber was put to sleep, so I never got to say goodbye. So, I guess this is me saying goodbye to my best friend.

Amber, I'm gonna miss you so much. My Gran's house is just wrong without you jumping around like a mad bear, playing with your plush football from Ikea and that squeaky cuddly duck I got you for your birthday one year, the not-subtle-at-all way you'd nudge my hand when you wanted me to pet you or scratch your throat, the way you'd get hair all over my tights/jeans because you'd rub yourself against my legs like you were a bloody cat, or bark at the cats and birds in the back greeny, how you'd always stop & make sure I was near when we went for walks, how you always knew if one of us was ill like when my Gran fell that time & you followed her up & down the stairs to make sure she was OK, or when I was recovering from Pneumonia & I got out of hospital & you followed me about like you were my shadow, how every time we went for a walk you'd make friends & everyone assumed you were a puppy cuz you jumped about like a fucking show horse on speed, or how you were scared of plastic bags being crumpled up [PMSL], the way you never did what my Gran told you to, but you always did what I asked [well, only when it suited you], how you posed like a model every time I pointed my camera at you.

I'm gonna miss cuddling up with you on the floor when you're scared shitless because some stupid fucker is letting off fireworks, or in the back of Gran's bloody tiny car when you get agitated. Hell, I'm even gonna miss you sitting on my feet all the time, drooling every time one of us is eating food, despite always being the first one to get fed at meal times, headbutting me in the back because you clearly never understood the concept of swings, sticking your bloody arse in my face every time you wanted me to scratch it, soaking me with water every time I gave you a bath, & best of all, burping in my face & farting while you're sitting on my feet [you bad mannered little fucker! lol].

I can't believe you're gone. You'll always be meh wee do ball, my wee shite & I love you. Thanks for being my friend. Rest in peace, Amber.

[the-scooby-gang]

Finally watched the Scoob!movie

Here we are in the future! As you guys know I was REALLY EXCITED to see the new movie. Well, here we are, so I will share my thoughts.

This one is a long one, so buck up!

Let’s break the movie down and see its high and low points, shall we? 

One thing that I noticed right out of bat is that the movie is following the typical Hanna-Barbera crossover logic: “Hey audience, you already know these characters and their dynamics, so we will not really focus on them (unless is a plot point on the narrative) and focus more on the adventure”

Which worked for me. But I also know that I’m a 20 years old woman that was a child when Wacky Races, Dastardly and Muttley in their Flying Machines, Scooby-Doo and Captain Caveman was on every day at morning before I went to school.

What I mean is, I already know these characters, so watching the movie was just like watching the crossover episodes. It was fun, not because of the plot, but because the characters that I grew loving were sharing a screen.

But now I think of a new audience that may have NO IDEA who these other characters are and are kinda mislead by the title of the movie because, and lets be honest here, the movie should have being called something like:

Scooby gang and the Falcon Team!

or more precisely

Scooby, Shaggy and the Falcon Team!

That’s the first low point: The opening minutes leads you to believe that, even if Shaggy and Scooby have most of the screen time, after all the plot of the movie is clearly about their bond as best friends, you expect that the whole Scooby Gang are going to have equal screen time. But that is not the case.

They have nice moments of course! One of the first high points is that the gang is really wholesome when they are together! They are good friends that care about each other! What breaks them apart is not some forced antagonism between them, but an outside force (MOTHERFUCKING SIMON COWELL) and, by the way things went, if the plot had not kicked in on the bowling alley, the gang would unite again, hug, call Simon Cowell an idiot, reassure Shaggy and Scooby that they are valid and find a new person to sponsor the expansion of Mystery INC. 

In fact, now that I think about it, the plot could have gone WAAAAAAY different, but that is a talk for another post.

High point one and a half: The movie was funny and cute. Self aware jokes, Muttley and Dick antics, Dick’s disguises, the F-Bomb, Shaggy is a Potterhead, Scooby was animated with “This dog deserves hugs” mentality and I approve.

High point number two: Dick Dastardly. His entire personality, his disguises , his motivation. God his motivation. I too would open the gates of hell to get my dog back (and also some treasure, this is Dastardly we are talking about)

In fact his interactions with Muttley are high point number three. THEY ARE SUCK ASSHOLES BUT THEY CLEARLY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH I LOVE THAT!

But that also opens the gates for Low point number two: Where Dick arc is finished in a satisfactory way (being an asshole that cares for one (1) asshole dog) , Brian’s a.k.a Blue Falcon doesn’t.

You see, in the movie Shaggy clearly sees that Brian acts the way he does because he is NOT Blue Falcon. He is his son. He has the weight of a legacy on his shoulders and he is not coping well with that. This is highlighted by how Dynomutt sees him and his childish ways. (in fact, Dynomutt just being done with Brian shit 95% of the movie is high point number four) And you think “They are going to make a scene were he and Dynomutt are more open with each other. Where Brian says how scared he is and how the pressure of the legacy is maybe too much for him and that he is no hero, and them Dynomutt is going to reassure him that, No. You are a hero. I’m sorry for expecting you to be like your father, instead of doing to you what did for him: guiding you” and we got that! .....Really rushed in the middle of the final action scene with no emotional punch at all as a side effect from the “we expect you to know who these people are” crossover logic. Because I never watched Dynomutt and the Blue Falcon

I don’t how their dynamic was supposed to go. Even more by being the original Dynomutt with a new Falcon. I have no bases of how things used to be to feel anything. Especially because I don't know how the OG blue falcon acted in comparison to his son to see were he was falling short. I don't know how Dynomutt acted with the OG Falcon to see were he was setting the bar for Brian. Without that information, even if Dynomutt being done is entertaining  and fun, it leaves the emotional impacts hollow.

Low point number three is also to blame here: the movie fells INCREDIBLY RUSHED. And I think I know the reason. Hanna-Barbera is no stranger to crossovers, but they never did more them one property + another before, three properties at most. It was always Scooby Doo and The Wacky Race or Scooby Doo and Captain Caveman or Scooby Doo and The Blue Falcon but never Scooby Doo and All of them together. 

Even in the episode of Mystery incorporated “Mystery Solvers Club State Finals” were ALL THE HANNA-BARBERA MYSTERY SOLVER TEAMS WERE TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF , they made the mystery about the disappearing of all the mystery solvers except the mascots, which left the cast of characters of the episode more manageable them having all the gangs fighting for screen time, and even them some of the mascots have more dialog and character beats them others.

With so many characters, they had to pic which ones got a full arc or important plot beats, which left all the other character lacking as a side effect.

That brings us to low point number four: THE MYSTERY IS WEAK. It’s weak even for Scooby Doo levels and that is saying something. I saw episodes of Be Cool (that is a really good incarnation character design aside, you should check it out) that had a more well rounded mystery them this. The focus of the movie was divided in so many places that the mystery had no room to breath (Dick, Shaggy and Scooby, Shaggy and Scooby and the Falcon team, Dee Dee and Dynomutt backs aching by having to carry the plot forward, Shaggy and Brian have a heart to heart moments, Captain Caveman fight scene, and finally the mystery gang and the, you know, mystery)

The mystery is about “why the fuck Dick wants Scoob so bad” and the answer is “Because Scooby is descended from Peritas, Alexanders the Great Dog, and he needs him to open the gate to the underworld that Alex and Perry created to protect their treasure, plus save Mutley that is stuck there”

That could have being such a strong mystery!!! They would think that he only has greed in mind by opening the gates, not giving a flying fuck about the giant Cerberus that is going to eat Athens while he fills his pockets, only to discover that, yes there was greed in his actions but there was also a man looking for his best friend stuck on the other side, with would have made such a strong emotional parallel to Shaggy and Scooby final challenge. Missed opportunity. 

Back to the high points to balance thing out, the high point number five: Fred is a himbo that loves his friends and his van. The moment were they hear that Shaggy and Scooby are in danger and he immediately turns the van around nearly launching Velma and Daphne though the window was really good, plus the “Leave Shaggy Alone” and the fact that when the Fake!Fred appears (Dastardly in one of his ultra-realistic disguises) in the island and Shaggy calls his name and they hug in the most wholesome way, the fact that Shaggy doest think that the wholesomeness is out of character implies that the Real Freddie is just as sweet.

High point number six: Daphne gains first an Allie and then an entire robot army for her friends though the power of compassion. This is a nice take on Daphne. They say that Fred is the Brawn, Velma is the Brain and Daphne is the People person, which I take is the fact that she can make fast friends and easy contacts to solve the mysteries + think about why someone would do something, like, Velma sees the logic behind the mystery while Daphne sees the emotion that lead to the mystery in the first place.

Which, unfortunately leads to low point number five: even if I can make all that character analyses from one phrase and this specific moment and its outcome, thanks to Low point number three and four a.e. Lack of character focus and lack of mystery I can't truly see if I’m right or not about Velma's logic and Daphne’s emotional knowledge... BECAUSE I CAN BARELY REMEMBER VELMA AT ALL. Velma is the one that suffered the most by the lack of mystery because there is where she thrives. The moments were Velma piece the clues together is so overshadowed by everything that is going down that you barely notices it. Same thing for Dee Dee. She and Dynomutt are, thanks to the way the plot was build, the only ones that are actually making moves to compel the plot forward, but outside of being the one flying the ship and trying to find were the skulls macguffings are, I can barely remember her besides  a moment were she and Dyno are baffled about Brian thinking that Anonymous was an actual name.

Dee Dee is from Captain Caveman, she was the brains of the group, which we kinda see, but she is apparently in a point in time where she and Cavey don't even know each other. I think if they had removed the Caveman fight scene and instead added dialog of her talking about how she and her friends discovered a caveman on ice and they are planing on defrosting him, you know, THE PLOT OF THE ORIGINAL CAPTAIN CAVEMAN AND THE TEEN ANGELS would have being better.  Or maybe just say that she is just here because she promised the OG Blue Falcon that she would help train his son to replace him and when her work is done she is going back to her team. You know, actually stabilising a more connected world without inflating your cast and making things difficult for yourself and the script writers.

Low point number five and a half : Captain Caveman is completely superfluous. He was a funny beat, but outside of that, the time that they expended getting to his island, finding him, fighting him and losing the skull macguffing anyway  could have being expended on character moments either between the falcon team, or better yet, the Mystery gang. Or put more time on the mystery itself.

Now to high point number seven and the most important of them all, after all it is the plot were the entire movie is set upon: When Shaggy is speaking with Brian about how the pressure of his father shadow over him is beyond overwhelming, Shaggy is so insightful in that scene that it heavily implies that he feels in part in a similar way in the gang and that is one of the reasons he felt offended when Simon Cowell, and later on Dick Dastardly, say that he is virtually insignificant  to the group and them gets jealous of Scoob when he starts to spend more time with the Falcon Team. 

Is one thing to be the scary cat with your best friend, is another thing entirely to be the scary cat alone. AND I LOVE THAT

Shaggy and Scooby bond has being highlighted from the opening scene (high point number eight) and Shaggy’s felling of loneliness. That before Scooby came into his life, he had no one. And even after the gang was united, Scooby remains his first and best friend. The slight idea of losing his friend to something that he can never compare (What is a Shaggy in face of a Blue Falcon Team membership) makes him lash out. We joke about Scooby being Shaggy service dog, but for all effects, Scooby is his emotional support, his light on the end of the tunnel that was his loneliness. The gang are his friends, but they are really different from him. Meanwhile he and Scoob are almost always in the same wave lane. And them suddenly Scoob appears to be changing. Moving away. 

The entire movie is Shaggy dealing with the idea of losing Scooby. Of losing his first friend and scared cat companion. What he ultimately learns is that the power of his friendship with Scoob is way too strong to let simple thing as “going away” or “changing” diminished what they created through the years. That’s why he says he has changed in the final. That he has grow. Because he has come to realise that even if Scoob changes and becomes more brave or something, he has nothing to fear. Because being friends is to know that, even miles apart, dimensions apart, your friendship lives on.

By acknowledging that Scoob can change, or even leave but never truly abandon him, Shaggy himself grows.

That’s why he chooses to be the one stuck on the other side.

Because he knows that he is not alone, not really.

So the final count is:  HIGH points = 7,5 LOW points = 5,5

I liked the film. I was giggling like an idiot the entire time. My inner child was happy, even if my adult brain was not as pleased in many moments after further thought. However both my child heart and my adult brain agree that the movie is far from perfect. Many interesting ideas but poor execution of many of them.  With is fine. We all know that the Scooby movies have already peaked *cough* Legend of the Phantosaur *cough*

This was a long ass review of the Scoob! Movie.

[moulipaulmajournal]

Post 5: Shoot with Mr.Reza & Pampas Grass

My first attempt to show the longing associated with homesickness. Mr.Reza's place at Mutley. Camera used: Sony Alpha 7ii. Lighting used: Available light.

Short intro about Mr.Reza: Currently owner of Treiman's store, Plymouth. His father had migrated from Sylhet, Bangladesh around 40-45 years ago. Mr.Reza completed his education from Plymouth University and opened the store in 2000. So, basically the store is now 20 years old. He now stays in Mutley with his wife, two daughters and parents. His daughters' name are Tasnim and Hanifa.

My intent with this shoot was not to just come out with pictures but also get to know them as a family, as people. I mostly tend to take things bit slow as that gives me a better understanding and also better results. But doing a full time MA does come with challenges. There's always this nagging pressure to create work and throughout the time, whenever I couldn't, it gave an incalculable amount of guilt. I always kept on feeling if I was going the right way or what am I exactly doing if I am not producing anything worthy.

However in spite of all the guilt, self-doubt and mental exhaustion, there was one good thing about my practice. Walking! A lot of the time, my collaborators or participants lived a long way away from where I live. So, that required a lot of walking and although I could have taken the bus, I preferred not to as it gave me a sense of purpose. Mr.Reza's house was in Mutley and a 30 minutes walk from my home. As I was not carrying any additional equipment but only my camera, it was not much of an issue.

Note: We had just got inducted with several film cameras but I still didn't have the courage to try out one for myself. Although, I had got the Mamiya R767 from the ERC which is supposedly good for portraits as I wanted to explore portraiture, I didn't load any film or take it with me for the shoot. The reasons were mainly as it was my first time using a film camera and my first proper shoot - I didn't want the whole time to go waste. In addition to that, I felt that the camera was bit bulky but maybe with time, I would get used to the weight. However, I went ahead with my comfortable digital camera Sony Alpha 7ii.

After half an hour of walking, I finally reached his home and Mrs.Tarafdar (his wife) greeted me with a warm smile. Awkward as I was, I went inside not knowing what to speak about. She offered me tea and snacks to which I said no because, yet again, it just felt awkward. We sat in the living room and talked for some time exchanging stories about how she landed here. She was accompanied by her daughter Tasnim that day who had studied Jewellery Design at PCA. Mrs.Tarafdar had moved to Plymouth 35 years back right after her wedding. As I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil at that time, I asked her about her initial experiences after moving to the UK. And, it didn't come as a surprise to me that, she had gone through a long period of loneliness and depression. 38 years back, they were the only people from their community to be living in Plymouth. In fact they were one of the first Bangladeshi families here. There were issues of adjusting to the new place plus with a new home, new people and a whole new language. She had learned English over the years and currently is a teacher at the Hyde Park School. Comparatively, it was not tough for his husband as he had already been living here for a longer time and he had work and his family to look forward to. For Tasnim, she associates herself more with this place and doesn't look forward to visiting Bangladesh very often.

After about 20 minutes or so, Mrs.Tarafdar asked me "Tell me Mouli, how can we help you?" I gave her a brief about my project that I am planning to cover migration and integration stories of South Asian people who run corner stores in the UK. Primary reason to highlight corner stores was reliving childhood memories of me accompanying my father to the corner stores every Sunday. And corner stores are still prevalent in India. I mean, back in India, I used to get my regular supply of groceries from the nearest corner store plus chat with the lady who was the store owner for long hours. After the first crit session, I was thinking if I should be going ahead with the topic but at the same time I was pretty lost in terms of my direction of the project. Plus, I was facing a lot of difficulty finding South Asian corner stores without any further references.

I was also interested in food as an identity as food is definitely the biggest connection for anyone who has migrated and are living away from home. Through food, people connect and resonate. There were certain images in my mind which I relayed to her - Hilsa fish, grinding spices, cutting onions, family having meals together. Unfortunately, she wasn't cooking anything that day which meant that required planning. I couldn't even take portraits of them that day as they were not mentally ready. And, even I didn't want to rush things. I asked her if she could take me around the place. This was their home, their space and I was interested in the details which suggested the same. Basically, I was again looking for some connect. It was a huge house with 6-7 bedrooms so the whole tour took a while.

Dried beans used in cooking. 

Camera used: Sony Alpha 7ii. 

Lighting used: Available light.

In Tasnim's room, I found a tray of beans kept for drying. It looked similar to green beans which I used to have in Bangalore. Although, they are not the same, but the process of drying and de-shelling the beans from the coating is similar. They are sun dried and then shallow fried with nigella and mustard seeds, dessicated coconut, curry leaves and an assortment of dried red and green chillies. Bangladeshis however make it in a different way.

I got my camera into action and tried using a 50mm for better quality and took a wider angle shot with 28-70mm as well. The issue which I face with 28-70mm is the high amount of distortion at the edges. Hence, I am not too fond of it. Mrs.Tarafdar then directed me towards her in laws room. I forgot to mention that it was a rainy Thursday and there was not enough available light. That was a challenge! The whole week prior to that day was bright and sunny and it turned all dark, gloomy and grey just on that day.

Her in-laws room was quite dark. I removed the curtains to allow in a bit of light which actually created a mood in the photos. I was not too impressed with the results though. There was a prayer table which caught my attention and I went near to it. There was something handwritten on a paper in Bengali. I took a closer look and found it to be related to a Muslim prayer. Surrounding the paper were prayer beads and a cap.

Prayer table and prayer beads. 

Camera used: Sony Alpha 7ii.

Lighting used: Available light.

This obviously connected with me again as I had seen a lot of my Muslim friends in India pray in a similar kind of setting. Even though, I am not religious, it still did feel like home, of something which I have come across and grown up seeing. I took few shots of this with the available lights. The final image did require a bit of post-processing in Adobe Lightroom but it didn't turn out too disappointing either. Prior to this shoot, I had gone through Zarina Bhimji's work and particular her project 'Yellow Patch'. I loved how she used light as the essential element in her composition to capture distant interiors. I wish I had a better vocabulary to describe her work but he way she used light to capture spaces and micro details is something I aspire to do with my photographs every time.

Maybe the best or I should say the most satisfactory shot which I had taken that day was of the backlit room which I shared at the first. As a photographer I am quite interested in those inhabited spaces as they are personal, intimate and speak volumes about the person. What I could definitely understand visiting Mr.Reza's place was they take home decor and organizing quite seriously, unlike me!

I had spent about an hour and a half that day and that gave me some further thoughts to propel my project. However, it was only Mr.Reza with whom things were getting ahead. I still hadn't received any proper response from the other participants with whom I had got in touch. And, this went on for a long time when I couldn't produce any work at all. I was in real panic. What if I can't manage to include more people in my project and the thing is that the project is nothing without people in them. I had lost ideas on how to approach anyone. There were not many South Asian grocery stores nearby which I knew of. The ones who had them were not very comfortable to be photographed. On Mr.Reza's recommendation, I went to another store near Embankment Road, Exeter Street and chatted with the owner. His name was Mr.Yeawor Ahmed. I explained to him about my project and he agreed to help me out, quite happily. However, he remained unavailable for around 2-3 weeks after the first meeting due to his hectic schedules.

It rained the whole evening after I was done with Mr.Reza's shoot. There was literally nothing to look forward to after that until the 18th of November which was his daughter's pre-wedding ceremony. Either I would just keep on reading materials without knowing where my project is heading or completely change the topic. But, at that point I didn't know what else could I relate to or what could be more personal for me? Here, I also mentioned about Pampas Grass in the title but completely missed out on talking about it. The reason I relate to this grass and found it as a connect is due to it's uncanny similarity to Saccharum Barberi, also known as wild sugarcane grown widely in India. Both are perennial plants which grows up to 3 metres in height with cotton like white flowering on the top. In my language, the grass is known as Kaash Phool which grows during the autumn months and which also marked the start of the festive season.

I was delighted to see pampas grass all over Plymouth, while walking to college in the morning, or few places by The Hoe, Central Park and other places unknown. It really did bring back a lot of memories - of childhood, during festivals and for a long time I just kept coming back to see them, just to feel nostalgic. I even sent pictures of pampas grass to my people at home!

Pampas Grass, Mouli Paul. 

Camera used: Sony Alpha 7ii. 

Lighting used: Available light.

Pampas grass is definitely a part of my narrative as I closely and personally relate to it. I of course didn't have to plan for taking photos of it but just waited for sunny days and preferably during golden hour. The white flowering top looks gorgeous in the golden light of sundown. 

Bibliography:

https://www.zarinabhimji.com/dspseries/18/1FW.htm

[angryschnauzer]

A Call To Arms  because i’m feeling like shit...

Both mentally and physically. 

Physically i feel like a 15 year old spaniel... overweight and struggling to breathe. My Asthma has been triggered by pollen allergies and a cough. I’m exhausted. I go to cough but all i can do is wheeze like Mutley. 

Mentally... yeah that’s not good either. Friday was obviously very stressful for me (it was the anniversary of my child that passed away’s birthday), and i had been spending every night last week until gone midnight working on my crafts, only to go to a craft fair on saturday and not sell a single thing. Not a damn thing. People making comments that because my stuff was ‘so good’ it had to be ‘made in a factory in china’... (WTF???), so all that hard work literally for nothing, and the general public not having faith in handmade crafts could be handmade as they were too good... FML.

So please feel free to send nice things my way. Anything. Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans, hell, even Hiddles and Hemsworth. Funny shit. Karl Urban/Star Trek stuff. SPN stuff that isn’t too depressing. Cute dogs. Photos, vids and fanfics. 

[deiupvote]

This weekend, I was in one of my best friend’s weddings. The bride, my friend, is diabetic and forgot her insulin when we went to the church, so technically, diabetes is the villain of this story.No problem. I volunteered to go back to her house to pick it up. I like a mission. Me against diabetes. After a morning of bridal stuff, my adrenal glands were more than happy to kick some dust off.The bride says the back door is unlocked, so I dash to her house, drifting the corners (in my mind), finding the apex in the road. The back door is not unlocked. No doors are opened, but I am NOT taking the L on this.All of us bridesmaids had gotten ready at her house earlier, and one of the other bridesmaids was leaning out her window on the 2nd floor smoking. I gaze up at her window, praying that it’s still unlocked. I know this house. I went to high school with the bride, snuck out of that window onto the roof, and clambered down the tree beside the house many times.Only this time, I am in a strapless, tight, mermaid style dress. Driving a stick in this constricting skirt was challenge enough. There is no way on God’s green earth that I can climb a tree.Its barely above freezing, but this is a DefCon 2 situation.I’m in the back yard, and there is only one house that can see me. I accept the crazy-low odds that the grandparents that live next door will notice me. Decidedly incorrect assumption because apparently, Gramps has assigned himself the position of overwatch.I kick off my heels, sling off my jacket (it’s barely above freezing), and toss the Morticia Addams-style bridesmaid dress over the fence. I pat my old friend, the tree, and begin to climb. I’m sure I sloth-climbed it, but the adrenaline pulsing through my veins has me convinced that I ninja warriored that shit.The window is unlocked. Oorah!Once I open it, I ungracefully fall into the room from the roof. I don’t care because the distinctly male movie announcer voice in my head is sexily broadcasting the trailer for the movie I’m acting out. The crowd cheers when my icicle toes hit the hardwood floors. I’m killing it.The room looks like a girl bomb exploded. Curlers, hairdryers, make-up bags, and clothes cover every square inch of the carpet. I super kung fu hop over the piles to the dresser where she said her insulin bag would be. It’s not there.I rifle through the piles, shaking like a scared dog from the cold. Nope. To the bathroom. Nope. A massive rock drops into my stomach when I can’t find her insulin. The clock is ticking. I launch down the stairs, two at a time and run through the house as my eyes scan every surface.I find it on the kitchen counter, a full floor away from where she thought she left it.Booyow! I’m back in the game. I shotgun pump my arm and grab the bag.I make sure I can lock the kitchen door from the inside. I mentally check-yep, I left all of my stuff outside.I step into the garage, shutting the door behind me. As I’m jiggling the locked doorknob, I hear the Woop Woop of a police car.I slowly turn and do some weird half raise of my hands. There are two…TWO cops in the driveway. All official and stern-looking. In a split second, I flash on images. I’m in the back of the police car, handcuffed, search warrants are getting issued. I see the courtroom, a stern judge and an unforgiving jury. In a moment of catastrophic cognitive dissonance, I swear I heard my brain misfire.The only thing that zaps me back to reality is that I kid you not- my boobs are two frozen ice-cones. I’m going to have the pleasure of explaining this shit-show to the officers while wearing nothing but my fancy thong and lacy, strapless bra because genius me didn’t want panty lines… and my hot-ass guy will be wearing a tux to the wedding. Nuff said.I could have vaporized on the spot from the humiliation as the officers approach me.I don’t even know what I said. I virtually shoved the bag of insulin at the older cop and vomited out the preposterous details of this Texas-sized oof that landed me in my skivvies, coming out of a house that I technically broke into.They try to keep a straight face, but then I start to laugh. It begins as a small embarrassed chuckle, but then it takes on a life of its own, commandeering all of my self-control and flinging it into the icy wind with the ashes of my dignity. I howl. Tears run down my face and I shoot strangled, inhuman sounds at them. I can make no sound other than drawn-out vowels. God, it’s embarrassing.The cops are trying to ask me questions, and instead, they get Mutley the dog. All I can do is wheeze, or tear and shake from the cold. Finally, I beg them to let me put my clothes on.One gallantly swings his arm to tell me to proceed to the back yard to recover my assortment of clothing cringingly clinging to the fence. They are gentlemen about it as I jump and shimmy into this hell-contraption of a bridesmaid’s dress.They ask me if there is anyone that I can call from the family to confirm the story.I call the bride. She doesn’t pick up.I call the bride’s mom. She doesn’t pick up.I call the love of my life. He picks up on the first ring. God, I love that man. He doesn’t know why I left the church but immediately goes into solve-this-shit-fast mode. He gets the Bride’s dad. It gets sorted.My guy is waiting in the parking lot when I pull up. Panic rolls across his face when he sees me, thinking I have been crying. I laugh the rest of my make-up off with him when I tell him the story. We’re getting married soon, and I think the bride should have to perform a commensurate task to climbing a tree in freezing weather in her underwear. I’m definitely taking suggestions.This all happened in a decently small town. This story has ripped through the gossip mill like Taco Bell through the colon. My oldest brother is apparently friends with the “young” cop that I could never make myself look in the eye. Yep- never living this down, and I’m never more grateful to have moved away.Also, LPT- I’m an idiot, so maybe you all know this, but don’t hand your phone to the police. Put the call on speaker or show the text from your hand. Do not physically place your property in the care of the police. Advice from a law student who was more than happy to lecture me for 20 minutes at the reception.TLDR; Title says it all. Insulin is a life-saving drug, and at least for one day, I kicked diabetes ass. You gotta do what you gotta do, even if it means being a streaking, Tarzan cat-burglar. via /r/tifu

[lovemummyx]

Entry No.1 ♡

Tuesday the 7th of August @ 1:47am

Dear Brooklyn,

I have just decided right now that I am going to start writing to you every day. We did keep a little log book once upon a time and I also started a little journal in the hospital but I am useless at that kind of stuff and didn’t keep up with it! So I figure because I am on Facebook all the time, I shouldn’t forget! Don’t hold me to it though! I am more then likely to forget this too but we will see hey.

I feel as though I should do a little recap on your 6 weeks out of the womb so far! But that will take forever! So once each day before my daily entry, I will make a ��Recap Entry” to get you up to speed on what’s gone on so far!

So for your first entry I will start with what we did yesterday (Monday the 6th of August) YOU ARE 6 WEEKS OLD TODAY!!

That means:

↠ You have your 6 week injections

↠ Mummy has a check up on her C-Section scar, my mental health and the doctor will also let me know if he thinks I am okay to start exercising and playing netball ect

♡ So this morning you let me sleep in! You woke up 4:50am ish.. I’m not sure the exact time but this is what daddy said. Daddy got you a bottle abd did the normal, nappy change and feed ect. Once you fell asleep you slept all the way until about 11:30am!

Nanna warmed you up a bottle while I was changing you and then updated me on all the goss from work that Aunty Chloe had been complaining about. Turns out Aunty Chloe needed my help in the office again! So Nanna took you so I could get ready to go in.

◦ I hate leaving you so much!

When I came back home from work it was time to get ready for the doctors! My appointment is at 4:40pm and yours is 4:50pm. As we are about to leave *we are already running late as it is* Mutley bolted out of the front door as daddy was putting you in the car! Layla soon followed him and they both took off up the road!

Daddy quickly jumped in the car with you and drove up to get Layla and Nanna went to find Mutley. By the time daddy got back with you, you were screaming so hard you had tears around your eyes.

◦ You haven’t cried with tears before now!

So I pulled you out and calmed you down enough to put you back in your car seat and get to the doctors. We got there and my appointment was pretty much over. I went to check into the desk and because you haven’t been put on my Medicare card yet we had to pay a consultation fee of $37.60!! Mummy and Daddy are super super broke at this point and so is Nanna so we had to scrape what money we had to pay this so you could be immunised. I was ready to have a break down! Our doctor called us in and Nanna sorted the ladies at the desk out! *Nanna will ALWAYS be there to kick someone’s ass for you! Ask anyone. Nanna is a tough bitch!*

We saw the nurse to do your needles! 2 needles and something you had to drink.. I’m not to sure. But you took the needles a lot better then I thought! You cried of course but as soon as the nurse picked you up and cuddled you, you were fine! She was lovely but at the same time, I felt off because all I wanted to do was hold you and make you feel better but she did what she felt she needed too so I understand. Still felt shitty though.

HOME TIME

Nothing too exciting happened for the night. You slept in the swing Pa got you for a while until we put you and ourselves to bed!

It is 3:11am and it’s taken me this long to write because you’ve decided you are hungry and then don’t want to settle and go to sleep!

You’re currently asleep on my chest ♡

I haven’t slept yet so, goodnight Brooklyn!

Love always,

Mummy ♡

[slipping-away-tonight]

2017.

Well, where to start...

The year is very nearly over, and oh my, how things have changed. 

It’s truly mad to think that at the start of this year I was at university?! Although uni was a truly lovely experience in terms of my flat, the friends I made, moving out and living in Cornwall, the actual course killed me. It ruined my love for photography, for learning and my motivation to do anything with my life. Thankfully, at the end of January I told myself to just do it. Just leave that shitty course, and even though I had to go back to living with my mum for a while, it was worth not waking up every single day and dreading the thought of having to go into uni and that I was just wasting so much money on something I truly hated. 

Things took a turn at the end of January. The day I dropped out of my university course, I got a call from a recruitment agency, asking to put me forward to work in a digital marketing company and start an apprentice. Of course, I was over the moon. I said yes, travelled back to Plymouth and attended the interview. Thankfully I got accepted and on January 28th I began my journey in the marketing world. Now it’s almost a year later and for the most part I love my job. The large majority of the people I work with are truly lovely people. On the other hand, there is a fair few people I have worked with in the company and still do, that I cannot stand. But that’s life. I’m doing well in the job role, I’ve got 3 more months until I’m officially an Account Executive and all the hard work will have finally paid off. 

Relationship wise, the start of the year was a mess. I was so hung up on one boy from university I never thought he would leave my mind. Shockingly, as soon as I stopped seeing him every single day, I quickly forgot how much I wanted to be with him. Shortly after returning to Plymouth, despite having my lovely lil job within marketing, I sadly started out on Apprenticeship wage (£500 a month for full time hours? No thank you), so I did end up going back to doing nightclub photography for a bit of extra cash. Whilst this job was shit second time round, I ended up catching up with everyone I had previously made friends with before I quit the job to move away for uni, and this ended up in a huge, huge crush. We rushed things rather fast, he took me for coffee the following week, and then the day after that first date we were official. Part of me wonders what I was thinking. Yes I had known him for almost a year before we got together, but I also hardly knew anything about him?! It wasn’t until AFTER we were a couple that I knew how old he was (luckily it wasn’t too bad, so it was fine). Things got serious really fast, which terrifies me. Within 2 weeks he met my family, and within a month we spent nearly every night together. With him living in Mutley, it made my commute to Derriford a lot easier than getting to work from my parents house in Keyham, so we spent a lot of time at his. The independence of just being in his house where there were no adults was so lovely. Forward 5 months, he had realised that working in a nightclub 2 nights a week wasn’t going to pay the bills now he was no longer a student so he got himself a full time job. I felt like I was finally in an adult relationship. I wasn’t (technically) a student and nor was my partner. He lived alone, he was a real adult (24 years old, what the fuck Ellie that went against all sort of rules?!) and things felt real. I then got a pay rise which enabled me to move out. So, we did. We didn’t really think too much about it, we just found a cute lil flat we both fell in love with, that allowed my kitten and was easy enough to get to work to. We moved in together, my parents were happy, his were happy, and we thought we were too. Living with someone really strains a relationship, it’s not all fun and roses. Things. Are. Tough. Mentally, I’m hard work, I know that, but it doesn’t help when he’s not the best person to deal with your mental issues. The relationship is a mess, and it’s mainly my fault. We’re working on it, I suppose. But for now, I am ended 2017 living with my partner, being somewhat happy with him and at least knowing something good came from this year. I fell in love again.

My health. Boy oh boy what a rollercoaster this has been. Mentally, things are shit. I both really want to die and really want to live. I can’t help but feel that I’ve got myself in a rut, where nothing feels right. All I’m doing is stressing financially, working my ass off for a shit salary, just waiting for next year when my year appraisal comes along which will also give me the pay I have been working towards this year. I’ve always been a money worrier, but now more so that I have a million bills to pay for, myself and partner to pay for AND 2 lovely cats. Despite mentally really not being well, things will get better. I have to tell myself that every single time towards the end of the year as I seem to just go on self-destruct mode. Every year ends in a bad mental state, and I’m not quite sure why. In terms of my physical health, i’m not unhealthy by any means. But fuck me, these migraines are killing me. I officially come under ‘chronic pain’ and the 5 year long battle of being a migraine sufferer is starting to feel like something is happening. After years of various medications, crying, throwing up, wishing I was dead than deal with all of this pain, I finally got referred to a neurologist. Being referred at least settles my mind as I am actually getting the help I feel I need. Although, now I can’t stop thinking about what if nothing shows up? What if I spent 5 years fighting for some sort of help for my migraines and it all comes back as nothing is wrong and i’m back to square 1? For now, there’s nothing more I can do but wait. Wait until mid-end 2018 before they consider me an appointment. Oh fun.

In 2017 I lost my life long best friend. My little furry, retarded, special friend finally died and I don’t think I will ever truly get over it.I thought losing my eldest cat was hard, but fucking hell nothing was as hard as losing my favourite cat. The one who always chose me, who comforted me no matter what, who was always there. Yes, he was just a cat. But from a baby, he was mine. I cannot remember a moment in my life when he wasn’t there and I was in denial that he was getting old. He did well for being such a special little cat. I am so glad that he got t olive with just me (and Liam) for his final few days and I am forever sorry that he ended up being treated badly by some horrible vet who said he was ‘young’ and ‘perfectly healthy’ and failed to recognise the huge tumour that even I, a untrained vet, could feel on his side. I knew something was wrong and I didn’t push it, I just told myself ‘he’s a vet, he knows best’ and left you to live your last days in pain. You’re safe now, you’re no longer in pain and you died loved. You made the biggest impact on my life that any cat ever could have (sorry Luna). 

Concerts. This year has been THE year for seeing big bands live. I have seen some truly incredible people and although I am not involved in the music scene anymore in terms of photography and local gigs, I saw some childhood favourites. Green Day, Sum 41, Simple Plan and Blink 182. Although I have seen various other insane band this year, these 4 truly stick out. I am forever thankfully that I got to experience them live and despite the huge, huge migraine attacks I experience throughout them, it was totally worth it. They killed it and I don’t think many other things in life will top seeing them live. Front row for Blink 182 and Green Day was truly an experience I never thought would happen. They were worth the insane amount of money paid for the gig tickets and truly made my dreams come true. If anything else, those 4 gigs made being alive worth it.

All in all, 2017 was... something. 2018, you may not be better. If anything, you may be worse in many ways. I am hoping for better financial stability and to find some sort of reason for my migraines. The rest can just be as it is, I’m not in a mental state of minding what goes on in my life. I am just alive and sometimes that’s enough. 

[eishero]

Magnolia Soulja Slim

It's hard to advance with all this slave mentality Tryin' just to maintain reality's insanities Black and brown poverty gaps economic tragedies Locked up Can't get hired How we feed our families Trillion dollar amity, Chaos and calamities Unequal opportunities after years of inhumanity Federal to county jails molested individuality Still racial profiling Sequels police brutality Who lost originality, Who lost nationality Who lost their identity from all these worldly casualties Ain't no fear in perfect luv, Who asks for rationality Talkin' bout let's be civil, More new ideas for liberality When all they want is ya taxes, Have yawl voting on fantasies Politicians too Hollywood, Fake Jews covering their criminality Just a bunch of Bruce Jenner's who take home Miss Congeniality Where ya money goes Who knows Bribe confidentiality Hosting Lucifer's hospitality, Leading to fatality They ain't got no morality, Just dark WiCKiD principalities Ain't no battles amongst the flesh, Distractions from irrationality Look at em in their suit and tie, Crooked royal personalities We know who own them banks, Yo' position a technicality And every president been a front man, Propaganda actuality Pushing all these satanic agendas like homosexuality Waving false flags in public, Mutley and Dick Dastardly Dem coke heads luv cherry coke Population control scamming Tryna make themselves heroes Starting wars and condemning NASA keeps lying, Only moonwalk wuz Michael Jackson Esau the end of this world, Word of YAH, Hope you repent and praying Saw those clouds in my dreams, Promise yawl it raining Refined in the fire like gold and silver just like the LORD saith Shadrach Meshach Abednego voice LORD save us 🌈✝🙏✞👼💓✟💓👼✞🙏✝🌈 Hananiah Mishael Azariah voice LORD save us 🌈✝🙏✞👼💓✟💓👼✞🙏✝🌈 £!$H€RO🐺 #poetic #poetry #flowetry #lyrics #lyricist #theblackpoet