#men det virker!!!
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Vil egentlig bare gerne gĂžre helt normale menneske ting uden at vĂŠre bevidst om hver eneste celle i min krop
#vil snakke med mennesker og vil grine#vil stoppe op nĂ„r jeg ser en smuk solnedgang og tage et billede af det#vil grĂŠde og grine og vil ud af mit hoved vil ud#vil cykle inde i KĂžbenhavn om sommeren#vil lytte til musik og vil danse og vil synge#vil âsidde udenfor pĂ„ en cafĂ© mens det regner og drikke kaffe og snakke om ingenting#vil bĂŠre mit hjerte pĂ„ mit ĂŠrme jeg vil vĂŠre glad og forvirret og ked af det vil vĂŠre frustreret og stresset vil#jeg vil holde om og holdes om#vil opleve byen jeg har boet i hele mit liv men som jeg ikke tĂŠr at se i Ăžjnene#vil lave sneengle og drikke varm kakao vil gĂ„ ture de steder jeg altid har ville#jeg vil vĂŠre omkring andre mennesker som ogsĂ„ bare vil vĂŠre#vil drikke et glas vin for meget og grine for hĂžjt#vil elske og elskes#vil drikke Ăžl og bade pĂ„ en af de sommeraftener hvor man bare ved at det nok bliver den sidste for i Ă„r#vil elske byen vil elske solen vil elske himlen og vil elske mine venner jeg vil elske regnen og dagene der virker uendeligt lange#det er det eneste jeg har drĂžmt om i 12 Ă„r#om at vĂŠre menneske sammen med mennesker mens vi gĂžr menneske ting#vil lave mad og lytte til musik vil male og vil skrive#vil tage billeder og vĂŠre ligeglad med andre kan se mig#vil tage billeder af dem jeg elsker og af de steder jeg tager til nĂ„r jeg drĂžmmer#vil lĂŠse bĂžger og vil ligge i grĂŠs i flere timer
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please lad det gÄ som jeg har brug for at det gÞr. please.
#det her virker meget sÄdan vague men#det er literally bare sygedagpenge jeg skal ha til at fungere LMAO
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Ligger pÄ gÊstevÊrelse i mormors hus. Passer hendes hund. De tager det som det kommer. ForsÞger at nedjustere min egen bekymring, sÄ den matcher deres cool. Min mor og lÊgerne og ogsÄ min mormor. En meget rolig indstilling de har til det hele. De tackler det bare og ser hvad der sker. Helt fattet. Alle virker som sig selv.
Jeg forÊrede min mor et puslespil. Med det smukkeste blomstermotiv. Hun blev sÄ glad at hun grÊd. Jeg blev rÞrt. Hun fÞlte sig set. Og jeg ser hende. TÊnk hvis jeg ikke kunne se hende. Er sÄ glad for at jeg kan finde ud af at se hende. Tak univers.
Har underlige fÞlelser. Kunne ikke forklare dem, da jeg sad pÄ kÞkkengulvet tidligere. Selvom jeg prÞvede.
Skal til samtale hos psykiater i morgen. Igen. FĂžler det er sĂ„ basale ting der sker. Min ven skrev og fortalte om sin kandidat. Engang gik vi i klasse sammen. Jeg ku ogsĂ„ ha vĂŠret ved at skrive speciale nu, men jeg har brugt to Ă„r pĂ„ at bo med Stenen og komme mig over Stenens abuse istedet. PĂ„ at sĂžrge over bortgang af nĂŠrt familiemedlem. PĂ„ at battle belastnings-relateret sygdom. PĂ„ Bjerget og pĂ„ at tale om renovering og hypotetiske babynavne wtf. PĂ„ at flytte 6 gange. PĂ„ at finde ud af hvad jeg nu lige er for et menneske. Ville hellere ha taget en kandidat sammen med sĂžd ven. TĂŠnk at det er TO Ă
RS tid der bare er gÄet pÄ den mÄde.
Og jeg kan ikke engang spise en hel skive toast.
Fatter ik hvor kÊmpe et setback psykisk vold kan vÊre. SeriÞst. Tror jeg er i en form for chok over at tiden fortsatte med at gÄ mens jeg stod stille og famlede efter lÞsninger. Og det gÄr op for mig nu, hvor galt det stod til.
Hvis jeg taler om hvad der skete med Stenen, sÄ fÞler jeg, at jeg gambler med min tryghed. Og kaster mig selv tilbage i tid. Og jeg kan hÞre alle hendes argumenter - at jeg laver om pÄ virkeligheden og hvorfor graver jeg i fortiden og at det aldrig er sket og at det har hun aldrig sagt og at jeg gjorde det hele mod mig selv. SÄ hvis jeg fortÊller om det, er jeg nok bare bange for, at det viser sig at hun har ret. Det er jo derfor jeg har ville dÞ sÄ meget. NÄr ens bedste ven behandler en sÄdan. Jeg troede at jeg var en narcissistisk psykopat til sidst og at verden var bedre uden mig. At min kÊrlighed var et manipulerende vÄben og at det var synd for alle jeg var sÞde imod. Min psykiater lÊste menneskerettighederne op for mig, fordi jeg ikke troede at jeg fortjente at have et navn og et hjem og behov. Fordi jeg troede at det var hensynslÞst af mig. Jeg var helt smadret.
Det jeg har brug for, er at integrere det der skete som noget virkeligt. SĂ„ jeg kan forstĂ„ at min gigantiske reaktion er berettiget. Mister bĂ„de tillid til mig selv og andre ved at tie stille. Men jeg tĂžr ikke dele hvad der skete. For det fĂžles som sladder og som ondskabs-snak og som om jeg spiller offer og gĂžr noget strengt mod hende. Hvis selvomsorg er blevet kategoriseret som ânarcissistisk adfĂŠrdâ i min hjerne, sĂ„ kan jeg godt forstĂ„ at det er svĂŠrt at fĂ„ det godt. Og at jeg ogsĂ„ fĂžler mig helt utroligt ussel, nĂ„r jeg har det skidt. DĂ„rlig samvittighed uanset hvad.
Det her vÊrelse er beklÊdt i mÞrke trÊpaneler. Det er trygt. Som en hule. Jeg vil sove. Jeg er ikke dum. Jeg mÄ gerne have behov. Jeg kan godt finde ud af at tage hensyn. Stenen er en del af fortiden, selvom den her reaktion og hendes content florerer overalt og fylder nutiden. Jeg er ikke i fare. JA! Jeg er ikke i fare. Jeg mÄ gerne vÊlge stilhed, nÄr ord fÞles uhyggelige. Det betyder ikke at jeg lader som om, det ikke skete. Det betyder ikke, at jeg giver andre lov til at behandle mig ligesÄdan. Det skal nok gÄ. Jeg er okay. Jeg er lige her. Jeg er i live. Jeg kender sÞde mennesker. Jeg vil hellere vÊre mig end Stenen. Jeg vil hellere vÊre ptsd autist pÄ vej mod overfladen end forkÊlet og privilegieblind Sten i glashus. Er det meangirl sagt af mig. MÄske. Jeg vil hellere have mine vÊrdier, end hendes. Jeg mÄ godt eksistere uden at vÊre nyttig for hende. Jeg mÄ gerne passe pÄ mig selv og dem jeg elsker. Min kÊrlighed er ikke et fucking vÄben! Min sÄrbarhed er en tillidserklÊring og et forsÞg pÄ at skabe trygge relationer med plads til at lade paraderne falde. Jeg vil leve et liv, som jeg kan leve i hele mit liv. Og det skal helst ske uden hende. Og sammen med andre. Og sÄ er det ikke vigtigt at der er gÄet to Är, sÄ er det bare vigtigt at jeg er her endnu og prÞver pÄ at fÄ det bedre. Lige sÄ stille. Jeg vil ikke vÊre venner med folk, der kun vil vÊre min ven, hvis jeg finder mig i at blive nedbrudt undervejs. Skal ikke bevise min trofashed. Okay en lang tekst. Jeg sku mÄske bare ha gÄet i seng. Might delete later. Er bange for at jeg er ond, nÄr jeg sÊtter grÊnser pÄ den mÄde. Er bange for at jeg er ond, fordi det ikke er en generel betragtning, men hÊfter sig pÄ oplevelser med et individ der ikke har mulighed for at forsvare sig i dette space. Men hendes forsvar er knive. Og pÄ den mÄde, kan jeg aldrig fÄ sagt hvad jeg tÊnker. Nu har jeg forsÞgt lidt. Adr. VÊmmes over mig selv. Men det er mÄske ikke min egen vÊmmelse. Tror det er hendes vÊmmelse. Jeg ved hun ikke kan lide mine ord. Derfor fÞles det ogsÄ hensynslÞst at dele. Men jeg gÞr det ikke for at gÞre ondt pÄ hende. Men hvis det gÞr ondt pÄ hende, er jeg sÄ ikke lige sÄ slem som hende. Og sÄ burde jeg fjerne det. Slette opslaget. For ellers er det mig der udÞver psykisk vold mod hende. Og jeg vil ikke vÊre dét menneske. Vil ikke opfÞre mig sÄdan. Og sÄ er jeg bare tilbage til at vÊre stille, midt i en reaktion pÄ noget jeg aldrig kan tale om.
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so much is happening all at once.
never thought i'd be back in Norway, but I guess now's as good of a time as ever. It's nice to see my brother and his friends again, and even get involved in their shenanigans.
But this?
My bastard father hid so much from everyone, and now it is all coming to light.
Jeg skulle Ăžnske alt ville roe seg ned, ikke bare for min skyld, men for min bonus lillebror. Det virker som han trenger det.
#eddsworld finn#ew finn#finn eddsworld#finn ew#army of tyrants#clone???#baby brother#bastard sĂŠddonor
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Vet du hva, Kaptain Sabbeltann queer HCs fordi hvorfor ikke
-Sabbeltann er sÄ klart aro/ace som sett ved at virker til Ä ha en fysisk reaksjons mot alt romantisk (lager spy lyder og siger Êsj nÄr nogen kysser f eks). Han er gift med havet og at jage gull og han er et ikon som ikke har tid eller lyst pÄ slik. Kanskje ikke-binÊr? Har drag energi, men han bare er sÄnn
-Langemann er bi og har et crush pĂ„ sabeltann. Han vet at det ikke blir til noe og klarer Ă„ vere profesjonell. Noen vil si at han er besatt av hans Kaptein og av og til lurer han selv om han er det. Rosa (tror jeg hun heter? Er for gammel) prĂžver Ă„ fĂ„ ham til Ă„ se at han ikke trenger Ă„ sette Sabeltann Ăžverst i alt, men Langemannâs respekt og lojalitet ligger dypt i ham. Han har lett ved Ă„ charmere bĂ„de menn og damer og gjĂžr det gjerne sĂ„ fremt det ikke kommer i veien for jobben hans, men ofte gjĂžr han det ogsĂ„ for Ă„ fĂ„ inn viktige informasjoner.
-Miriam er lesbisk. Jeg veit ikke hva mere jeg trenger Ă„ si.
-Pinky og Benjamin er trans menn begge to. Pinky er veldig optatt av Ă„ passe inn og bli sett som en ordentlig mann og sjĂžrĂžver, mens Benjamin er veldig komfortabel i sig selv
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Kokken giver mig ro. Vi havde en skÞn Netflix & chill date lÞrdag, og dagen efter havde jeg en god snak med min kÊreste om mine fÞlelser, nÄr han tager stoffer. Nu er der Vappu i Finland - de gÄr helt amok fÞr 1. maj, fest overalt, jeg er vild med det. Jeg er⊠glad. MÄske er det okay, at jeg bare er glad og ikke overtÊnker for en gangs skyld. Jeg er sammen med gode venner, jeg er sÄ forelsket i den skÞnneste mand, og jeg er begyndt at date en ny mand, der ogsÄ virker virkeligt skÞn. MÄske kan jeg tillade mig bare at vÊre glad. MÄske er der ikke et glasgulv denne gang, der truer med at give efter under mig. MÄske er jeg ved at bygge et godt grundlag for et liv, jeg aldrig havde forudset. Men et liv fuldt af kÊrlighed, hvilket er dét, jeg altid har Þnsket
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lang update!
jeg har lĂŠnge villet skrive en update. om mig og R, vores sexliv, mit sexliv. der er sket en hel masse siden min sidste update, og jeg tror bare jeg har haft en masse at tĂŠnke over (warning: langt post!)
om mig og R
fÞrst og fremmest, sÄ er jeg sÄ lykkelig med R. jeg fÞler at vi pÄ kun 9 mÄneder forstÄr hinanden og hinandens behov sÄ godt. vi har en vildt god kommunikation, hvor vi kan snakke om alt og ingenting. jeg fÞler jeg kan fortÊlle ham hvad som helst og han vil lytte uanset hvad. samtidig fÞler jeg ogsÄ bare, at vi er pÄ samme bÞlgelÊngde om nÊsten alt - og selv nÄr vi er uenige, er vi gode til at se hinandens synspunkter og ikke grave grÞfter mellem os. jeg synes det hele fÞles sÄ sundt og rent!
derudover har vores sexliv bare vĂŠret vildt godt de seneste par mĂ„neder. allerede fra vi mĂždtes fĂžrste gang var han god, men det er som om, at for hver dag der gĂ„r bliver han bare bedre og bedre til at fĂ„ mig til at komme. begynder seriĂžst at tude nogle gange, fordi jeg fĂ„r sĂ„ kraftig en reaktion đ„șđ„ș
ogsĂ„ selvom vi har haft et par dage pĂ„ det seneste hvor jeg ikke har boet hos ham, har han stadig haft tid til at komme forbi til en quickie đ
om mig og en ny
pÄ trods af at R og jeg har sÄ godt et sexliv, havde jeg alligevel tid til at ses med en ny fyr for noget tid siden. vi havde matchet pÄ tinder for nÊsten 2 Är siden og skrevet lidt on/off. fik lyst til at skrive til ham igen fordi han stadig sÄ sÞd ud, og vi endte med at skulle mÞdes hjemme hos ham.
i forhold til hvordan jeg har haft sex med R, S og ham pĂ„ j-dag, var det her meget, meget anderledes. jeg plejer at blive domineret/vĂŠre lidt underdanig og lade fyren bestemme. den her gang var det helt omvendt. det var mig, der lagde op til det, og mig, der tog kontrollen. derudover er jeg blevet helt vant til at blive slikket eller rĂžrt inden sex. this guy gjorde seriĂžst intet for mig, men jeg suttede og red ham âŠog jeg kunne faktisk godt lide det đ„ș
jeg kom obviously ikke, men jeg var simpelthen sÄ liderlig da jeg kom hjem igen, at jeg kom nÊsten med det samme. et eller andet med at fÞle mig sÄ "slutty" gjorde Äbenbart et eller andet for mig den dag⊠jeg tror ikke vi skal ses igen tho. det var en sjov og lÊrerig oplevelse for mig, men tror ikke jeg fÄr sÄ meget mere ud af den relation.
sĂ„ han nĂ„r aldrig at fĂ„ set mine bryster, selvom det var noget han gerne ville đ
om C
hvis i troede det var slut med at hÞre om C, sÄ tro om igen. jeg har nemlig fortalt hende ret meget om mit og R's sexliv. som den eneste af mine irl veninder, ved hun nu at R og jeg er i et Äbent forhold.
fÄ dage efter valentins fortalte jeg hende pÄ en meget diskret at jeg og R var i et Äbent forhold. det virkede til at komme en del bag pÄ hende, men hun var glad pÄ vores begges veje. som jeg forstod det pÄ hende, var det der overraskede hende at vi er sÄ stÊrkt og tÊtknyttet et par, men alligevel mÄ ses med andre. hun var dog meget fordomsfri, sÄ det er dejligt - ogsÄ at have i hvert fald én veninde som kender lidt mere til vores dynamik.
i fredags var jeg sĂ„ i byen med hende alene. jeg spurgte hende bl.a. hvordan det gik med fyrene, og hun sagde hun havde vĂŠret pĂ„ mange dates, men kun kysset nogen af dem. lidt Ăžv for hende. har set nogle af de fyre hun skriver med, og de virker sĂžde nok. hun spurgte sĂ„ hvordan det gik med mig og fyre, og jeg fortalte at jeg havde set en siden vi snakkede sidst og fortalte lidt om ham (ham fra "om mig og en ny" âïžâïž).
jeg sagde sÄ, at han ikke kunne mÄle sig med min tidligere langtidsbolleven S, som jo var R's ven. hun virkede ret chokeret over det haha. bÄde at jeg havde haft en fast bolleven i over et halvt Är, og at han var en af R's venner. jeg viste hende nogle billeder af ham, og hun synes han var cute - og jeg fortalte om hvorfor vi sluttede tingene mellem os, og hun synes det var sÞdt
hun spurgte om R havde vĂŠret sammen med andre endnu. jeg sagde "nej, han kigger stadig". hun spurgte hvordan jeg ville have det hvis han var sammen med en anden, og jeg svarede bare sĂ„dan "godt. hĂ„ber han finder en snart". hun virkede til at synes det var lidt mĂŠrkeligt haha, og spurgte om jeg ikke ville blive jaloux. jeg svarede lidt bold at "jeg synes det ville vĂŠre synd hvis andre ikke kunne fĂ„ glĂŠde af ham" (đ€). senere pĂ„ aftenen snakkede vi ogsĂ„ om tidligere kĂŠrester/flings, hvor jeg sagde at "de eneste gange R har fĂ„et mig til at grĂŠde, har vĂŠret nĂ„r han fik mig til at komme lidt for hĂ„rdt" đ„ș
om C og R
efter vores bytur endte jeg med at overnatte hos C. vi havde kysset lidt i lÞbet af aftenen, men intet vildt, og intet sensuelt lol. hun slikkede dog salt af min hÄnd da vi tog tequilashots haha. vi endte med at falde i sÞvn mens vi lÄ og snakkede/puttede.
C er meget, meget flot, og det tror jeg ikke der er tvivl om. jeg er bi, men er ikke som sĂ„dan tiltrukket af hende, hvis det giver mening. hun er dog objektivt fantastisk smuk, og jeg er ret tiltrukket af, at R er tiltrukket af hende đ„ș
jeg fik tanken, at hvis R skulle vÊre sammen med nogen jeg kender, mÄtte det allerhelst gerne vÊre C. hun er sÞd, Äben og til at stole pÄ. jeg har kendt hende lÊnge, og jeg ved hun altid ville kunne holde pÄ en hemmelighed. og sÄ er hun som sagt ogsÄ meget, meget flot, og jeg ved der allerede er en tiltrÊkning fra R's side.
jeg har ikke spurgt om der er tiltrĂŠkning den anden vej.
altsÄ jeg tror det, men har ikke turdet lÊgge for meget op til noget (endnu?). og selv hvis der var tiltrÊkning, er det jo ikke sikkert hun ville have lyst alligevel.
tl;dr
det gÄr fantastisk mellem R og mig - ogsÄ med vores sexliv. vi er et mega stÊrkt par, hvilket ogsÄ er hvorfor vores Äbne forhold kan fungere. C har fÄet at vide som den eneste af mine irl veninder, at R og jeg er i et Äbent forhold, hvilket hun var ret overrasket over. jeg gÄr med tanker om at det stadig kunne vÊre en idé at sÊtte C og R op med hinanden, hvis de begge kunne have lyst. jeg ved dog ikke om C overhovedet har de tanker eller Þnsker.
sorry for det lange post đ„ș
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Read it on AO3 [x]
Begging
At the end of summer vacation and the beginning of his fifth year at Dursmustrang, Gellert predicted another dull, uninspired school year.
The school had an interesting curriculum, much more stimulating than other wizarding schools he researched, with their combat, gobstones and dragon taming classes, besides the contemplation of the Dark Arts in their curriculum as well, not simply defence against it.
However, his colleagues were dense, dim-witted and uninteresting, and the professors, mediocre, kept pace with their snail-progressing rhythm, making attending classes tedious and unchallenging. The retirement of their Transfiguration teacher, the useless old hag, was the full extent of excitement that place seemed to have to offer him besides the usual rush of relief of its provided shelter from what he called home.
Which was more than reason enough to make nice with his colleagues and cronies on the ship, pretend they werenât as insipid as the water surrounding them and smile at the girls whose attentions were on him, just enough to feed their interests without engaging too deeply and having to do something dreadful, like talk to them or worse. After all, in his experience people were dull and expendable, but ultimately useful.
He may have no real need for them, except for where and how he could use them to gain influence, power or simply a better target to train on the more advanced dark magic heâd been studying by himself, since training alone just wouldn't do. Therefore, heâd make a point out of keeping people at his side as precious working supplies, even if, secretively, he valued them as much as the dirt clinging under his shoes. Looked forward to hearing them as he did for that stupid rain outside.
So, at the beginning of term, Gellert resigned himself to another dull, uninspired school year.
He hadnât count with the peculiar presence of Professor Wulfric.
.
At their first Transfiguration class, nothing immediately seemed worthy of note.
The professor was at his table, waiting patiently for them to take their places. And when they did so and he started to talk, his voice had a slight accent but was otherwise clear and easy to follow.
He was a tall, middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and twinkling, mischievous eyes.
He looked soft, in a way. Almost delicate. Which was detrimental to the authority figure he represented, but not enough to not capture the prompt attention of the class at large when his voice made itself known, clear eyes bright with some secret-held knowledge nobody else seemed to know.
But, as expected, the subject of that class was, as every other one appeared to until now, underwhelmingly easy.
ââŠfor din fĂžrste Ăžvelse i Ă„r vil jeg at du skal prĂžve Ă„ forvandle disse middagstallerkene til sopp.â (âŠfor your first exercise of the year, I want you to try turning these dinner plates into mushrooms.)
A cold rush of annoyance ran through his body at the proposed exercise. He had barely slept the night before, tormented by visions of a stupid snowstorm sure not to come for months yet invading the castle and causing mild damage and two hospitalizations, eluding his sleep and giving him a headache. And now here he was, out of bed attending class for this childâs trick.
He hadn't, exactly, turned a plate into mushrooms before, but the principle of this specific spell applied to any unequitative transformative spell. It was only a more refined version of the same tricks already learned and the complete incompetence of his colleagues meant heâd have to withstand the exhausting repetition of this pathetic trick for weeks until they moved on to something new to bore him.
âDu virker lei, Mr. Grindelwald.â (You seem bored, Mr. Grindelwald.)
âIkke i det hele tatt, sirâ (Not at all, sir.)
âĂ
, men det er du.â (Ah, but you are.) â the professor said with an amused smile, coming closer with his hands on his pockets. â âKanskje vi kunne gjĂžre noe litt mer utfordrende ut av dette trikset. Fortell meg, har du noen gang kastet en ikke-verbal trolldom fĂžr?â (Maybe we could make something a little more challenging out of this trick. Tell me, have you ever cast a nonverbal spell before?)
The boy looked back at his teacher with renewed interest, sparkling something sweet and amused in those deep all-knowing blue eyes.
âNo, sir. I haven't.â
âOh, you do not have to trouble yourself talking to me in English, Mr. Grindelwald. I dare say I'm getting rather good in Norwegian, for a beginner.â
âIt's no bother, sir. I have family there as well, learned it since I was small.â
âVery well then. Nonverbal spells are slightly trickier than verbal ones. The mind knows what command intends to give, but there's something about words⊠they help channel the magical energy to no small extent. And as such, I imagine you can easily understand how it's absence can make the most basic of spells rather challenging. Which I am inclined to say you might appreciate.â
And at it, there were two things he learned:
The first being â when the man approached him with a gentle incentive for him to repeat mentally the spell in his head with intend, envisioning the resulting transformation as if done already â, the smell of his perfume was pleasant as he rarely found. Warm, sweet and spicy.
And secondly, that man was much, much more than he seemed to be at first glance.
.
There on out, few things circled his head with the same intensity Professor Wulfric did.
He started to notice little things about the man.
His predilection for sweets. His enigmatic little remarks who flew over peopleâs heads more times than not, but still seemed to amuse him to no end. His endless patience over otherâs stupidity and fondness for knitted things.
He noticed how observant the man was. How he not only enjoyed when a student got their spell right but also, much to the boyâs amusement, how he did as well the creative results of their failures.
Heâd been a fool.
The authority he had didnât come from intimidation, but from honest respect from those surrounding him. His mild, unassuming manners earned sympathies and his sheer unmatched intellect, admiration.
He walked around the school grounds, perfectly ordinary, except for how extraordinary he was, making people comfortable in their mediocrity while still influencing those around him with a superior mind without even having to try.
That man was just fascinating.
.
He started to actively study the subjects given in class for the first time since he came to that institution, determined to impress his transfiguration teacher.
He wanted the manâs attention fixed upon him more than anything. Unlike anyone else, his opinion mattered to him. He may even have learned by heart the schedule of supervision of students in detention to make sure when his oneâs came his way as usual, it would be under his watch.
âI must say it doesnât surprise me as it should, seeing you here, Mr. Grindelwald, meddling with dark, dangerous magic as it were.â
The boy chose to ignore the heavy feeling at his stomach at the disappointed tone on the man's voice, looking at him then with an unhappy look of his own.
âSir, what is the use of a study subject if not to study it?â â he dared say, getting an exasperated, but surprisingly fond look in response.
âI understand you. Your mind is too bright for the restrictions of your yearâs curriculum. But you are smart enough to know there are things too dangerous to meddle with.â
âBut what does even mean this divide between dark and light magic, professor? Magic in its essence is not evil, so how could be labelled so?â
âYou are correct, obviously. Magic is nor good or evil in its essence. However, the sources from which they can be channeled can be dreadfully destructive. It is the natural cycle of things, of course, destruction and reconstruction, but power fed from destructive forces is dangerous and costly. A power as great as such have an immense capacity to corrupt.â
The elder wizard paused then, caressing his beard thoughtfully while looking him with his deep, all-knowing blue eyes.
âSo be mindful of it next time you get to your âstudiesâ, Gellert. There are pursues that are simply not worth it. The greater the power you seek, the higher the price you pay for it.â
.
After his time in detention, while coming back to his room, the boy caught himself thinking about what Professor Wulfric said.
It didnât sound hollow, somehow, but a thought born out of experience.
He expected to be disappointed in him for his reserve against the Dark Arts. However, he didnât. He could feel something heavy taking in his chest, but it wasnât disappointment.
He also felt a bit silly, because hearing him use his first name like that made him want to smile at nothing.
.
As it was, Gellert discovered the manâs first name by accident when his next turn down the corridors led him to find the wizard talking to Professor VukoviÄ, his Dark Artsâ professor, and favourite one until Professor Wulfric.
 âBrianâŠâ
âJeg ser for meg at du tenker annerledes da, Viktor?â (I imagine you think differently then, Viktor?)
âNot exactly, no. But we could better discuss it over some Brennvin.â â Professor VukoviÄ said in a heavy accented English, cupping the other manâs elbow.
To which Professor Wulfric laughed, warm and friendly, but taking a step back.
âI am terribly sorry to inform Iâm quite busy at the moment, Viktor, as you can well imagine. I was fool enough to ask for a five-page-long essay about the Theory of Unequitable Transformative Magic from my fifth years. Three full piles are waiting on my desk as we speak.â
âWell, another time then, Brian.â
And at that they parted ways, the first wizard nodding silently with perfect civility while the second one let out a little sigh, shaking his head as Professor Wulfric turned his back.
To his side of the corridor.
And as if knowing all too well who was there, the wizard gave a brief and meaningful glance with those piercing blue eyes towards where he hid himself to better observe them before he left.
And as both silhouettes faded from view, Gellert realized he learned two things more:
Brian.
His first name was Brian.
And secondly, he might not care for the Dark Arts as much as he first thought he did after all, since any buffoon like Professor VukoviÄ could teach it.
It was clearly a mighty weapon used for lesser minds to mask their mediocrity by compensation. He'd be oh so sure to know how to use it, sure. But he didn't need it to achieve greatness. Not when a man like Professor Wulfric could yield such power without ever touching them.Â
Brian.
.
The dreams came as a surprise.
When he first woke up, feverish and aching, body shivering and wet with fluids, he didnât know what to make of it.
His roommate dared to mock him, asking what lady had sweetened his dreams like that. He learned better after finding living spiders in his HavregrĂžt.
However, the dreams continued, plaguing his nights alongside his visions in a new, exquisite way. He could barely look at his professor the next class, breathless with exhilaration for his presence as well as dread to be found out.
He never felt something like this before. This hunger.
Bodily functions werenât a mystery to him, but they were mere mechanics. It never felt like this.
He started to make sure to use silencing charms every night to make sure only he could hear that name falling out of his trembling lips.
Brian.
BrianâŠ
.
Beatrix KovĂĄcs was a seventh year. She was a star student, which meant she was marginally less incompetent than her peers. She was good at duel and appointed Topptillitskvinne.
She was a pretty girl with straight dark hair half pinned over her head and mossy-green eyes.
He heard her and her cronies gossiping about a broken pendant they saw over Professor's Wulfric desk. The way âgrief took over his face for a secondâ when he put it away before starting class.
âHow much his figure was to his advantageâ and âhis heartbreak and lack of a ring must mean he was unattachedâ and âwhat a pityâ it was.
That he was âtoo vivacious to possibly be that old at allâ. And âhow much of an interest he apparently seemed to show over Ms. KovĂĄcs talentsâ and how that âmust mean somethingâ.
How âshe wouldn't mind having his attentions, as he already had hersâ.
âI'm positive without his beard he'd not look a day over thirty.â
Beatrix KovĂĄcs was a stupid, vapid girl who understood nothing and deserved none of Professor's Wulfric attention.
So, he had to put her in her place.
.
The entire hall fell silent when a nondescript tawny-brown owl stopped in front of Professorâs Wulfric table.
Those beautiful twinkling eyes of his unguarded with genuine surprise before he took the small parcel with a frown.
He could barely sit still, heart thundering inside his chest.
He felt on top of the world, watching those elegant fingers unwrap the parcel, finding his offering of Fizzing Whizzbees with a little huff o delight.
Elated enough to not look away when the wizard looked directly at him, eyes twinkling with pleasure.
.
âI'm very happy to know your efforts to follow your other classes has been as excellent as in my own, Mr. Grindelwald.â
âThank you, professor. But, if I may be so honest, it's barely been any challenge, sir.â
âYes, I can easily imagine how underwhelming it must've been. I had similar problems back at school, save, perhaps, your resistance over doing any paperwork on subjects you are convinced you already know.â
Professor Wulfric smiled knowingly, getting an embarrassing blush out of him.
âBut I have some advice to easy your suffering, my dear Mr. Grindelwald: try to write it as if you were the one teaching the subject to your reader. It'll easy your aggravation at working over what you already know if you treat it as if you are the one showing it for someone else for the first time.â
âI don't believe I have any talent for teaching, sir. Pulling teeth sounds less painful to me than trying to explain the obvious repeatedly.â
And at that the man laughed, shaking his head with a fond look.
âWell, I think you would do a marvellous job at it. You have so much potential, Gellert. You can do great things; I am sure you know.â
The boy felt something fluttery at the wizardâs words, helpless to contain the proud smirk on his lips.
âThank you, sir.â
âHowever, I feel obliged to warn you about the dangers such potential carries. You can achieve great things, undoubtedly, but you can achieve terrible ones as well, if you're not wise enough to prevent your talents from blinding you from other people's worth. Self-importance is the weapon of the fools, I dare say. And, ironically, it's a much easier trap to fall prey to when the fount of said arrogance is rooted in genuine talent.â
âYou think me arrogant, then, for thinking everyone else around me slow?â
âOh, don't take offence of what I'm saying right now, my boy. I was quite arrogant myself when younger. So much talent and genius, so many miles ahead from everyone else, it seemed.â
âWhat happened?â
âThe world taught me humility by showing how much stupidity can exist alongside a brilliant intellect.â
.
If there was one thing he could almost say he didnât like about Professor Wulfric, would be his tendency to lecture him in subjects he held close to the chest.
Next time they met in one of Gellertâs deliberate detention spree, he offered him a sherbet lemon and proceeded to not only unveil his internal judgment of the clear inferiority of muggles, but to lecture him on the dangers of prejudice and bigotry.
âThey are worse than animals.â â he argued with disgust. â âThey are always at war; they have enslaved their peers based on skin colour and contaminated our culture with it; they are ignorant and turn love into disease. Theyâre like fleas, a pest in need to containment.â
âBut theyâre not. You see, I do not disagree with how backwards some aspects of their culture can be, but one could argue the same about aspects of our own culture. Moreover, we all are ultimately human. Some of our own are born without magic. Some of theirs, with absolutely no magical ancestry, are born with it. We create this divide; them, us. There are only people, and people, humans, are capable of extraordinary as well as terrible things.â
ââŠThey destroyed my family.â â he whispered to the other wizard.
Professor Wulfric answered it with a heavy, warm hand on his shoulder. Elegant fingers holding him firmly and Gellert wanted him to never let go.
âI used to resent them too. You see, some muggles⊠did something terrible to my family and the repercussions were devastating.â
âUsed to? Not anymore?â
âNo. No⊠Not anymore. I learned generalization is another rather dangerous thing. Itâs what led them to the witch hunts. Itâs what could led us to a totalitarian regimen envisioning complete domination over the non-magical community. Itâs a simplistic, limiting thought. Magical or not, thereâs good and thereâs evil in all of us. And no group of people should be judged by the wrongdoings of individuals whose hearts are tainted. And if nothing else, an evil wizard is infinitely more dangerous than a muggle, wouldnât you agree, my dear Mr. Grindelwald, only for the power they hold?â
âYou donât think us superior then, for how much more powerful we are?â
âI donât. More powerful? Yes. But never superior. Power requires compassion in order to not become only another tool of oppression.â
.
The next time, itâs him who receives an unexpected owl.
Inside a carefully brown wrapped paper is a copy of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and a velvet drawstring bags full of sherbet lemon.
Professor Wulfric hid a little smirk behind his glass, but after turning aside for a moment to reply something Professor Touissant pointed out, he looked back at Gellert, winking with his beautiful, twinkling eyes.
.
Of course, the other students started to finally notice the special connection he had with their Transfiguration professor eventually.
They dared call him professorâs pet a couple of times, but unlike any other time someone dared to mock him, he was content enough to let them be this time.
There was a certain secret pleasure in imagining himself at his professorâs feet, after all.
Ms. KovĂĄcs, as it was expected, noticed as well, and started to pay him an amount of attention he wasnât all that keen on receiving, but did, nonetheless. With her mind fixed on trying to extract information about their professor from him, he could better control her and her pestering feelings towards the older wizard, after all.
But also, as expected, with their increasing contact rumours started to circle around school about their âspecial friendshipâ. Which amused Gellert to no end, as both seemed to have designs to reach the same man.
.
âI am starting to suspect you see your detention hours as a prize instead of a punishment, Mr. Grindelwald.â
Professor Wulfric smiled that secret smile of his, making his stomach flutter ridiculously.
âI have no idea what gave you this impression, sir.â
The man laughed at his blatant lie, shaking his head.
âGellert, I cannot in good conscience condone with a student engaging in reprehensible behaviours. Although I will admit your âwandering after curfewâ infraction is surprisingly mild compared to âsmuggling restricted books from the libraryâ, as it were. I could declare myself proud of you, wouldnât that be most inappropriate.â
Not the most inappropriate thing they could do, though. He could let Gellert trace his graceful neck with his lips and teeth, let him feel his beard scratching the soft skin of his inner thighs, take his pleasure on him over his very desk. That would be most deliciously inappropriate.
âPerhaps I do enjoy our extra hours together.â â he said daringly, looking at the wizard from between his lashes for a second.
He didnât think he imagined the light blush of the manâs cheeks, although he only laughed, tapping his shoulder in a companiable, but innocuous way.
He took note. Badly concealed flirting was out if he wanted to succeed in seducing the man.
âIt is pleasing, having someone to talk with who understands your mind.â
âYou carry so much anger inside you, Gellert. I thought at first it was contempt for those who didnât measure to your mind. But now I believe it is hurt. You want to be known.â
âI donât need to be known. Perhaps known of. But I do not need anyone else.â
âYour relentless pursue of detention hours with me tells a rather different story, my boy. Everybody needs connection.â
âCanât you be mine?â
He laughed again, walking away from him.
âOh, Mr. Grindelwald, I have the upmost faith you can do infinitely better than befriend an old man.â
âBut I want you.â
The boy watched the wizard freeze at his thoughtless words, eyes becoming wary as he looked at him.
âYou are a great teacher.â â he completed with calculated carelessness, as if it was the intent of his little slip up all along.
The relief of watching his professorâs shoulders relax were greater than the disappointment of his terrible reaction to a possible deeper interest of his part.
âAll students adore you, professor. Some more than.â â he proceeded innocently enough, watching closely the frown return to his face at his words.
Given the wizardâs reaction to his accidental declarations, Gellert was almost certain Professor Wulfric wasnât overly fond of the idea of frolicking with students. Being so, it presented the most perfect opportunity to free himself of Beatrix KovĂĄcsâ shadow over what for all rights should belong to him.
âIs that so?â
âIâm sorry, I donât want to come across as a gossip. Specially now it seems she and I are in friendly terms.â â he did his best to sound sheepish but changed course when he watched the older manâs eyes become wary once more at his actions rather than his words, smiling impishly and raising an eyebrow. â âAlthough, what harm can it do? Itâs just a silly crush, I believe. Ms. KovĂĄcs doesnât have to know I told you about it, does she?â
âOh. Ms. KovĂĄcs is the subject of this conversation?â
âYou donât sound surprised, professor.â
âIt would surprise you the number of students whose feelings about their authority figures blur the line of whatâs appropriate. I believe it is quite common, in fact. What surprises me the most is, after all these years, it still happening with an old man.â
âShe believes you wouldn't look a day over thirty without your beard.â
âIs that so?â
The wizard sounded delightfully amused, smiling at him, unguarded and beautiful.
âI personally believe you look quite distinguished, sir. I hope I can age as gracefully as you.â
âOh, you will, Gellert. I can assure you, you will.â
The man sounded so wishful and sad at those words; the student felt taken aback.
Doubly so, at the inkling of a thought those words gave him.
.
He started to observe carefully. The idea sounding likelier at every small quirk of that man too out of place to look simply eccentric.
The older wizard wasnât a seer, he could tell. He seemed to know more than everybody else and had an uncanny capacity to read him as no other ever had, but it wasnât the same. Brian Wulfric carried none of the signs of a seer.
He was set apart from the rest, even when surrounded by people. And it wasnât just his brilliance overshadowing everyone else. There was a lack of stiffness, a languidness of posture, a casualness, uncommon for other people his age or younger.
And it wasnât disrespectful in nature.
He knew exactly how the entire social dance he had to perform to the world was played. He just had somethingâŠÂ different about him. Â
And the way he said those words. How he affirmed as a fact, with such longing that he would grow old distinguished in nature as the man himself was. He couldnât stop thinking how the wizard seemed to know him, know his ugliest, most hidden parts and being so intent on guiding him. Stop thinking of how he seemed to have known him for longer than just the school year.
.
ââŠWere we lovers? Where you came from?â
Gellert couldnât help to notice Professor Wulfricâs hand going unconsciously to his breast pocket, eyes unguarded with surprise and alarm.
âI suppose I should have predicted this turn of events.â
âKovĂĄcs is stupid for thinking you were looking at her when your eyes are always fixed on me. But still, you seemed to become wary when I showed a deeper interest in you, even though you certainty know of my feelings toward you.â
âGellert-.â
âWere we lovers?â
ââŠYes.â
âWhat happened?â
âYou became obsessed by the dark arts and your hatred towards muggles, and for that I lost you.â
âYou mean to say muggles broke us apart?â
âNo, Gellert. I mean to say your ambitions and hatred did.â
âHow?â
âYou murdered my sister!â the man exclaimed, covering his face with both hands for a moment.
Ignorant of the shock those words caused him.
âIt is not-.â â Professor Wulfric started again before pausing mid-sentence, sighing loudly. â âThe least you know of it the better. I just⊠Wished to change things. To prevent you from turning to darkness and away from me.â
âYou love me.â
âAs I will until my last breath.â
.
The confrontation let Gellert with much to think about.
One day heâd meet him. Not as Professor Wulfric, but as a young, brilliant Brian, and fall for those bright blue, all-knowing eyes and unmatched intellect. Heâd meet someone worth knowing and somehow lose him.
He said his hatred towards muggles broke them.
He said so many things already, before this very conversation. About the humanity of them all, how there were more uniting than separating them. About how a power fed from destructive forces as the dark arts, were dangerous came for a cost. About its capacity to corrupt.
Had he lost his way? Turned away from the one person who could understand him, who loved him desperately enough to turn back time and try to prevent his future from happening by guiding him through another path?
Gellert couldnât trust what Brian said in front of all he left unsaid; he wasnât naĂŻve enough to take his vague words at face value. However, he felt in his bones he could trust that manâs love, still.
Moreover, he could feel how no matter his path from then on, his future had already been irrevocably changed from the moment that tall, middle-aged man with salt-and-pepper hair and twinkling, mischievous eyes entered his life.
.
#ggad#grindeldore#albus x gellert#gellert grindelwald#albus dumbledore#gellert x albus#au#time travel au#pre relationship#middle aged!albus dumbledore#teen!gellert grindelwald#rated teen#fantastic beasts au#post secrets of dumbledore
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Jeg er begyndt at blive ret bitter over mine biologiske forudsĂŠtninger, hver gang jeg rammer PMS
Jeg ved godt, det er formÄlslÞst og trÊttende, men jeg tÊnker en del over uretfÊrdigheden ved, at jeg skal trÊkkes igennem det her hver eneste fucking mÄned. De her ikke sÄ lidt hÊmmende svingninger. HVER mÄned. Jeg bliver pissy, fÄr depressionsagtige symptomer, somme tider endda selvmordstanker og har det generelt af rÞv til i op til halvanden uge op til min menstruation, og sÄ skal jeg bruge en uge pÄ at blÞde og have ondt og vÊre ukomfortabel bagefter. Og det er jo givetvis HALVDELEN af cyklussen! Som er trÊls! Jeg har én uge, der er topfed, og en uge, der er neutral, og det er det. Og som om det ikke er nok, har jeg ogsÄ en herrefed "neuropsykiatrisk udviklingsforstyrrelse", hvis symptomer pÄvirkes af min hormonbalance, og som derfor gÞr det endnu mere herligt at have en fucking cyklus. Og min brain juice medicin virker i Þvrigt ikke, nÄr jeg har PMS. SÄ det er jo dejligt. Og hvis jeg sÄ pÄ et tidspunkt skal have biologiske bÞrn sÄ skal jeg... potentielt set smadre min krop for at skabe liv og fÞde barnet. Min krop vil for evigt vÊre forandret pÄ mange omrÄder, og der kan ske alt muligt fucked, jeg potentielt set skal dÞje med resten af livet. Jeg plejede at tÊnke "okay okay, men til gengÊld kan jeg skabe liv, hvor sejt er det ikke lige?" og det er sejt! Og jeg plejede at vÊre sÄ stolt over det. Men for fucks sake, at what cost? SeriÞst, jeg hÞrer alt muligt fucked, og jeg kan bare ikke rigtigt forstÄ, hvorfor kvindekroppen er skruet sammen pÄ den mÄde, helt Êrligt, er det det, der er mest optimalt? Er det virkelig det, der er mest optimalt? MÄske er det bare fordi, jeg ikke har bÞrn, at jeg tÊnker sÄdan. Men det er altsÄ virkelig skrÊmmende. Og bagefter er der saftsuseme en overgangsalder ogsÄ, som heller ikke fÄr nok opmÊrksomhed i forhold til hvor trÊls den eftersigende er.
Og cis-kÞnnede mÊnd... skal ingen af de ting? Overhovedet? NÊh...! De kan fÄ lov til at optjene mere i pension, fordi de er pÄ barsel i kortere tid. Og fÄ hÞjere lÞn.
Jeg skal sidde her og stresse over om jeg kan finde et fast job i tide til at optjene nok anciennitet til at kunne tage pÄ potentiel barsel med rimelig lÞn i lang nok tid. Om det er et strategisk dÄrligt valg at sÞge barselsvikariater, fordi de har en udlÞbsdato. Hvorfor skal det vÊre en faktor, jeg er nÞd til at overveje? Det... urgh.
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det er nÄ interessant denne diskusjonen rundt det med Ä skulle leve ut dine ideer, hva det koster, hvor slitsomt det er Ä alltid vÊre stÞttende, vÊre solidarisk, alt du gir opp for Saken, for Arbeidet. Men. jeg fÞler nÄr det er snakk om man skal innlede et forhold med ektemannen til en venninne er det ikke et spÞrsmÄl fÞrst og fremst om feministisk praksis, det handler vel heller mer om man er en god venn eller ikke, eller hva?
nÄr det er sagt, utroskap virker som en ganske aksepterte del av livet i mange av de historiske lesbiske bÞkene jeg leser. ikke sÄnn at det blir sett pÄ som en super kul og bra ting Ä gjÞre, men det er lissom bare noe som skjer, og du kan vÊre litt sint en liten stund og sÄ mÄ du bare gÄ videre med livet, helst bli gode venner igjen ogsÄ
jeg sier ikke dette dÞmmende, mer bare fordi det er sÄ veldig annerledes fra hvordan utroskap i litteratur blir sett pÄ rundt pÄ nett, pÄ bookblr og booktube og sikkert booktok ogsÄ, hvor utroskap er det absolutt verste noen kan gjÞre og aldri til Ä tilgi. du skal heller ha drept noen enn vÊrt utro!
gikk litt vekk fra det jeg egentlig snakket om, men ja. kanskje er det fordi holdninger til utroskap har endret seg siden denne boka ble skrevet, at pÄ den tiden var det et spÞrsmÄl om Ä vÊre solidarisk og nÄ er det bare noe man ikke gjÞr hvis man ikke er en drittsekk sÄnn generelt
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Jeg fÞler mig sÄ overvÊldet af alle mine ting. Ting jeg ejer. Ligger og prÞver at forestille mig et hjem og det synes jeg er svÊrt, for jeg har ikke brug for sÄ meget lige nu. Jeg kan ikke sÄ meget lige nu. SÄ nÄr jeg kigger pÄ mine ting bliver jeg mindet om, at engang kunne jeg bare vÄgne hver dag og vide prÊcis hvor alt var og gennemskue mine feels og overskue dimser og dutter og projekter. Jeg brugte alle mine ting. Nu ligger de i kasser som jeg ikke tÞr pakke ud nogen steder. Har kÞbt en seng i dag. Det fÞles som frÄds, fordi jeg har vÊnnet mig til at sove pÄ en madras. Kan ikke overskue at sove i en seng. Og jeg har ellers vÊret vÄgen i 36 timer. Er trÊt.
Jeg synes det er det samme som at jeg fx stadigvĂŠk heller ikke tĂžr at svare pĂ„ beskeder. Engang kunne jeg sagtens svare pĂ„ beskeder. Jeg kan ikke Ă„bne en chat uden at fĂžle, at min hjerne samtidigt Ă„bner et penalhus fuld af kuglepenne der skriver med fĂžlelser istedet for blĂŠk. Det er⊠sĂ„ konfronterende at se pĂ„. At overvĂŠre. Fordi jeg stadigvĂŠk ikke fĂžler at jeg har fattet hvad der foregĂ„r eller hvordan jeg skal sĂŠtte ord pĂ„ det. SĂ„ det bliver SĂ
sĂ„rbart og SĂ
skrÞbeligt at jeg simpelthen ikke tÞr. Jeg tÞr heller ikke at lade vÊre med at svare, for min stilhed virker strengere end jeg har lyst til. SÄ jeg tÊnker bare pÄ det. En masse.
Jeg ved ikke hvorfor jeg er sĂ„ bange. Og jeg behĂžver mĂ„ske heller ikke at have styr pĂ„ det lige nu. MĂ„ske er jeg stadig bare i sorg. MĂ„ske er jeg i chok. MĂ„ske er jeg virkelig bare forandret. MĂ„ske forbinder jeg min egen trivsel med noget overfladisk. MĂ„ske forbinder jeg alle mine ting med noget traumatiserende. MĂ„ske er jeg bange for at jeg kun kan have det godt pĂ„ bekostning af andre mennesker. Fordi jeg altid trĂŠnger til hensyn og hjĂŠlp. MĂ„ske fĂžler jeg mig naiv, nĂ„r jeg mĂŠrker fĂžlelsen af hĂ„b. MĂ„ske frygter jeg at komme til at lade som ingenting. Eller fylde for meget. Eller lave fejl og tage dumme valg som gĂžr fremtiden endnu svĂŠrere at overskue. Ej, eller at lave dumme fejl jeg BURDE KU HA UNDGĂ
ET. MÄske frygter jeg at opdage alt det der forsvandt. MÄske er jeg forskrÊkket. MÄske frygter jeg Êrligt bare at blive glad igen? Eller at prÞve.. fordi det er sÄ hjerteskÊrende at prÞve forgÊves. At sigte efter glÊde uden held. Ro. At hÄbe sÄ inderligt pÄ en ro, der fÞles helt uden for rÊkkevidde.
Jeg skilte en ting ad og pillede nogle ting ud og lagde de ud-pillede ting i en gennemsigtig Êske tÊt pÄ min seng. SÄ kunne jeg se pÄ dem og vide, at hvis alt blev for meget, sÄ var der en udvej. I forgÄrs. Og jeg tror at jeg er bange for mig selv. For at efterlade et rod. Bange for at forsvinde, her mens jeg prÞver pÄ at fÄ det bedre. SÄ jeg aldrig fÄr det bedre. Og jeg er bange for at stÞde pÄ noget der skubber mig. Noget jeg ikke ved hvad er. Stenen fx. Eller noget andet. Som kunne gÞre mig sÄ ked af det igen. FÞler ikke jeg mÄ vÊre her. FÞler jeg gÞr noget forbudt, nÄr jeg dag for dag stadig lever. Og jeg er bange for at sige til min mor, at tingene ligger dér i Êsken. Selvom jeg ved at jeg skal Þve mig pÄ at vÊre helt helt Êrlig. Men jeg hÄber sÄdan, at jeg bedst kan balancere alene og komme ud pÄ den anden side. Det fÞles som om andre mennesker er vind⊠bare fordi Stenen var en orkan. SÄ isolerer mig og gÄr glip af alle dem der gerne ville gribe. En af de ting der gÞr mig mest trist, er nÄr hjÊlpen ikke hjÊlper. Den oplevelse ville jeg ikke kunne klare lige nu. At man har tillid, men sÄ bliver man tabt. For det er tit ikke rigtigt nogens skyld. Men det gÞr sÄ nas.
Jeg hĂ„ber at Stenen kommer til at fylde mindre og mindre i lit liv. At jeg en dag glĂŠder mig sĂ„ meget til fremtiden, at det er ubetydeligt om vores veje krydser hinanden. At hendes ord aldrig kan gĂžre ondt pĂ„ mig igen. At hendes lĂžgne er ligegyldige for mig, for jeg er klar til at give slip pĂ„ alle der tror pĂ„ hende. Uden had og fordĂžmmelse - for jeg troede jo selv pĂ„ hende engang. Jeg hĂ„ber at jeg fĂ„r mit lys tilbage og mit mod og min glĂŠde. Jeg hĂ„ber at mine venner en dag kan genkende mig igen. At jeg kan genkende mere af mig selv. Jeg hĂ„ber at jeg en dag vĂ„gner op og er fuld af fĂžlelser der ikke skrĂŠmmer mig. Jeg hĂ„ber pĂ„ at âudenforâ en dag kan fĂžles som et sted, hvor jeg godt kan stoppe op og holde pause, uden at fĂžle at jeg er i vejen. Jeg hĂ„ber at min krop vil kĂŠmpe og blive rask sammen med mig. SĂ„ jeg kan bruge min stemme og mine tanker pĂ„ at forholde mig til noget nyt. Vende mit blik lidt mere udad igen⊠pĂ„ en konstruktiv og stabil mĂ„de. Jeg hĂ„ber virkelig pĂ„ at det ikke er for sent. Jeg hĂ„ber at jeg stadig kan nĂ„ at vende tilbage til âlivetâ pĂ„ âlivâ mĂ„den. Den dĂ©r mĂ„de hvor man virkelig kan mĂŠrke at man er sig selv. At man er en sjĂŠl der lever og ikke bare en krop der overlever.
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Ich bin dein Mensch filmandmeldelse
Jeg opplevde Alma som litt irriterende negativ til robotmannen i starten. Hun har jo gÄtt med pÄ Ä vÊre en del av dette eksperimentet, selv om det bare er for Ä skrive en rapport. Hun motarbeider Tom og gir ham ingen sjanser. NÄr litt tid har gÄtt, og hun begynner Ä akseptere ham mer, uttrykker hun ogsÄ skepsisen sin tydeligere og dette fÞrer til noen veldig sterke Þyeblikk og samtaler.
Den er jo en av mange filmer som tar for seg menneskelighet, algoritmer og romanse, men pÄ sitt beste opplevde jeg at den hadde noe Ä si/tilfÞye samtalen. Tom er en god blanding av menneskelig og robotisk (det virker jo som om de er i startfasen av et prosjekt her). Han er menneskelig nok til at vi kan fÞle med ham nÄr Alma pÄpeker at han er en robot og dehumaniserer han. Samtidig er han robotisk nok til at vi fÞler med hennes tvil. Jeg liker det!
Jeg liker ogsÄ veldig godt at han kan passe inn i en fantasi for henne, han kan vÊre gutten hun var forelska i pÄ ferie som tenÄring. Men, han er jo ikke det. Skal hun leve seg inn i fantasien eller ikke?
4/5 âïžâïžâïžâïž
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jeg kan seriÞst ikke finde ud af om jeg er er bi eller lesbisk XD skal pÄ date med en mand i morgen for fÞrste gange lÊnge og jeg gider bare ik??? han virker very nice, men nu hvor jeg Êgte skal se ham MAGTER jeg bare ikke?? men blev ogsÄ lagt an pÄ af en mand til weekendens fest, og det kunne jeg godt lide?? h8 this
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har fÄet et ark quetiapin af min veninde og spiser dem hver dag og siger til mig selv at de virker what a joke men det er sjovt
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OpnÄ Varigt VÊgttab med Hypnose i Vejle
At tabe sig og opnÄ varige resultater kan vÊre en udfordrende proces for mange. Selvom kost og motion spiller en stor rolle, kan indgroede vaner og mentale blokeringer stÄ i vejen for succes. Det er her, hypnose kan gÞre en forskel. Hos J-Hypnose i Vejle tilbyder vi vÊgttab hypnose Vejle, en metode, der arbejder med din underbevidsthed for at Êndre adfÊrd og hjÊlpe dig med at opnÄ langvarigt vÊgttab.
Hvad er vĂŠgttab hypnose?
Hypnose er en teknik, hvor man bringer klienten i en afslappet, fokuseret tilstand, hvor det underbevidste sind bliver mere modtageligt for positive forandringer. Under en hypnosesession arbejder vi med at Êndre de dybtliggende mÞnstre, der pÄvirker din spiseadfÊrd og livsstil.
For mange mennesker er vÊgtproblemer forbundet med fÞlelsesmÊssig spisning, stress eller mangel pÄ motivation. Ved hjÊlp af vÊgttab hypnose Vejle kan vi adressere disse Ärsager, sÄ du fÄr bedre kontrol over dine spisevaner og nemmere ved at trÊffe sunde valg.
Fordele ved vĂŠgttab hypnose i Vejle
Naturlig og sikker metode Hypnose er en naturlig behandlingsform uden brug af medicin. Det er en skÄnsom tilgang, hvor du arbejder med dit sind for at Êndre vaner, der holder dig tilbage fra at opnÄ dine vÊgttabsmÄl. Der er ingen bivirkninger, og du er i fuld kontrol under hele sessionen.
Varige forandringer Mange oplever, at de ikke kun opnÄr vÊgttab, men ogsÄ forbedrer deres mentale sundhed gennem hypnoseterapi. Ved at Êndre de dybere Ärsager til overvÊgt, skaber hypnose varige forandringer, der hjÊlper dig med at holde vÊgten nede pÄ lang sigt.
Mindsket cravings og Þget motivation En stor del af vÊgttabsrejser fejler, fordi cravings overtager, eller fordi motivationen svigter. Med vÊgttab hypnose Vejle kan vi hjÊlpe dig med at reducere trangen til usund mad og Þge din motivation til at vÊlge sundere alternativer. Det gÞr det lettere for dig at holde fast i dine mÄl.
Hvordan fungerer vĂŠgttab hypnose?
NÄr du kommer til en hypnosesession hos J-Hypnose i Vejle, starter vi med en indledende samtale om dine udfordringer og mÄl. Hypnosen hjÊlper dig med at slappe af og komme i en fokuseret tilstand, hvor vi kan arbejde med din underbevidsthed. Her indarbejder vi positive forslag, der Êndrer dine tanker om mad og motion.
Det unikke ved hypnose er, at det giver adgang til at pÄvirke din underbevidsthed, som ofte styrer dine automatiske handlinger. PÄ denne mÄde kan vi skabe en Êndring, der varer ved og hjÊlper dig med at opnÄ et sundere forhold til mad.
Oplev vĂŠgttab hypnose i Vejle
Er du trÊt af diÊter, der ikke virker, eller motivation, der forsvinder? SÄ kan vÊgttab hypnose Vejle vÊre lÞsningen for dig. Hos J-Hypnose hjÊlper vi dig med at fÄ kontrol over dine vaner, mindske cravings og opnÄ et varigt vÊgttab. Kontakt os i dag, og lad os hjÊlpe dig pÄ din rejse mod en sundere og lettere fremtid.
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Jeg ringede til dig sidste weekend. Et behov for at tilstÄ, et behov for tiltro. Jeg fortalte dig om fyren med dÄdyrÞjnene. MÄ jeg godt sige det her til dig, spurgte jeg, eller gÞr det dig ked af det? Jeg har ikke lyst til at gÞre dig ondt.
(Vi har allerede gjort hinanden ondt, ikke mere af det nu).
Det er skrÊmmende, sagde jeg. Deri bestod min tilstÄelse; jeg er ved at falde igen, og sidste gang var med dig, og du greb mig ikke til sidst. Jeg slog mig. Meget.
Men du bad mig om at fortÊlle om ham, sÄ det gjorde jeg. Du sagde, at han lyder helt anderledes end dig. At han lyder bedre for mig. At jeg ikke skal vÊre bange, for hvis han er sÄ god, som han virker til at vÊre, vil han sÊtte pris pÄ min kÊrlighed.
Du sagde, at du aldrig fÞr er blevet elsket, som jeg elskede dig. At han er en heldig mand, hvis det nÄr dertil.
Jeg er glad for, at jeg ringede til dig. Jeg er glad for, at du, pÄ trods af at have knust mit hjerte denne sommer, ogsÄ kan minde mig om, at det fortjente jeg slet ikke. Du mindede mig om, at jeg fortjener bedre end det. Jeg fÞlte mig mere rolig igen, efter vi lagde pÄ. Mere modig.
Jeg har ikke brug for din velsignelse til at komme videre, men det er rart at have den alligevel.
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