#memes. — can you do tricks?

[circus-milk]

🏃‍♂️💨

[seenthisepisode]

i will say with my whole chest that i hate what is happening with music marketing right now. i hate that a song needs to be a tiktok trend. i hate that one album is being released in 23 ways to trick people into buying multiple albums because there are different covers and different photos inside. i hate that one album is being rereleased multiple times as deluxe and then the super deluxe and then super secret version with one additional song just to make the numbers!!!!!! i hate that people without vinyl players buy multiple vinyls of the same album just to own them and collect them. i know no one is making anyone buy multiple versions of the same fucking album by putting a gun to their head BUT COME ONNNNN its all about the money and people and just giving into that!!!!!!!!

[oculusxcaro]

SEX VALUES

"I'm not gonna do... that for just anyone. Just... look, just forget I said anything, okay? Can we change the subject?"

Tagged by: @twcfaces (mwah ♡♡) Tagging: If you haven't done this yet, YOU!

[welcometoqueer]

so y’all remember in season 14 when Dean planned to trap himself inside a Ma’lak box and sink to the bottom of the ocean forever—to be sunk alive with Michael because being buried alive wasn’t safe enough-and had a vivid nightmare about his horrific fate if he went that route???

anyways, haha OceanGate, am I right?

[oldmanyaoi-jpeg]

trick or treat or trick treat

you get a trick treat:

[toheel]

tags

[goatsandgangsters]

how to find literally any post on a blog in seconds (on desktop)

there are so many posts about ~tumblr is so broken, you can’t find any post on your own blog, it’s impossible, bluhrblub~

I am here to tell you otherwise! it is in fact INCREDIBLY easy to find a post on a blog if you’re on desktop/browser and you know what you’re doing:

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant. every single post, every single time. in chronological order starting with the most recent post. note: it will not find #croissants or that time you made the typo #croidnssants. for a tag with multiple words, it’s just /tagged/my-croissant and it will show you everything with the exact phrase #my croissant

url.tumblr.com/tagged/croissant/chrono will bring up EVERY post on the blog tagged with the exact phrase #croissant, but it will show them in reverse order with the oldest first 

url.tumblr.com/search/croissant isn’t as perfect at finding everything, but it’s generally loads better than the search on mobile. it will find a good array of posts that have the word croissant in them somewhere. could be in the body of the post (op captioned it “look at my croissant”) or in the tags (#man I want a croissant). it won’t necessarily find EVERYTHING like /tagged/ does, but I find it’s still more reliable than search on mobile. you can sometimes even find posts by a specific user by searching their url. also, unlike whatever random assortment tumblr mobile pulls up, it will still show them in a more logically chronological order

url.tumblr.com/day/2020/11/05 will show you every post on the blog from november 5th, 2020, in case you’re taking a break from croissants to look for destiel election memes 

url.tumblr.com/archive/ is search paradise. easily go to a particular month and see all posts as thumbnails! search by post type! search by tags but as thumbnails now

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio will show you every audio post on your blog (you can also filter by other post types). sometimes a little imperfect if you’re looking for a video when the op embedded the video in a text post instead of posting as a video post, etc

url.tumblr.com/archive/tagged/croissant will show you EVERY post on the blog tagged with the specific and exact phrase #croissant, but it will show you them in the archive thumbnail view divided by months. very useful if you’re looking for a specific picture of a croissant that was reblogged 6 months ago and want to be able to scan for it quickly 

url.tumblr.com/archive/filter-by/audio/tagged/croissant will show you every audio post tagged with the specific phrase #croissant (you can also filter by photo or text instead, because I don’t know why you have audio posts tagged croissant) 

the tag system on desktop tumblr is GENUINELY amazing for searching within a specific blog! 

caveat: this assumes a person HAS a desktop theme (or “custom theme”) enabled. a “custom theme” is url.tumblr.com, as opposed to tumblr.com/url. I’ve heard you have to opt-into the former now, when it used to be the default, so not everyone HAS a custom theme where you can use all those neat url tricks. 

if the person doesn’t have a “custom theme” enabled, you’re beholden to the search bar. still, I’ve found the search bar on tumblr.com/url is WAY more reliable than search on mobile. for starters, it tends to bring posts up in a sensible order, instead of dredging up random posts from 2013 before anything else

if you’re on mobile, I’m sorry. godspeed and good luck finding anything. (my one tip is that if you’re able to click ON a tag rather than go through the search bar, you’ll have better luck. if your mutual has recently reblogged a post tagged #croissant, you can click #croissant and it’ll bring up everything tagged #croissant just like /tagged/croissant. but if there’s no readily available tag to click on, you have to rely on the mobile search bar and its weird bizarre whims) 

[sitcomghost]

I'm following the story because it's evident that those in power are doing everything they can to prevent him from getting a fair trial. There were headlines yesterday about his "outburst outside of court" where he was "struggling". It makes it sound like he's unruly and crazy. I watched the video for myself.

He gets out of the car, sees the press, and attempts to communicate "It's completely unjust and an insult to the intelligence of the American people and their lived experience". One police officer has a hand around his neck. Another slams him into a wall. They push and force him through the door. They wanted a perp walk of him in the orange jumpsuit but you can't have that without the possibility of him speaking.

Is he hot? Yes. And he's lucky he's an attractive white man. No matter if he is guilty or not, they have their suspect and they're sticking to him. They're going to make his life hell and try and smear and brutalize him as much as they can. This story isn't just one of a dead CEO and a suspect. It's how the justice system exists to protect capital.

Do not let any culture war facades trick you. Stay on this story, keep the pressure up. If we can do this for Luigi, we can do this for the thousands of Black and Brown political prisoners that have been ignored by the media. The fact that we as a nation did not erupt in mass revolt after COINTELPRO was confirmed is an indictment on us.

The fancams, the thirst tweets, they are honestly good for media exposure. They communicate to those in power that we stand with this man as he goes before the court and it becomes a gateway for people to learn about his case.

He's not a meme, he's a real person who, whether he fired those shots or not, is going to shape class consciousness in this country in the digital age.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Summoning Failed Successfully

Imagine a warehouse. Imagine a bunch of cultists in dark robes with all the candles, daggers, ancient books, and chanting. Now add Danny.

Only not as the summoned being, no. As a sacrifice.

He is sitting down, tied to a chair, in the middle of the summoning circle, looking as bored and deadpan as he can possibly be. The cultists are chanting, and he frowns, listening to their chants for a moment.

"Hey, is that Latin?" He questions, but to no avail, "You know you're not actually using those words correctly, right?"

"Keep quiet, child!" One of the cultists snaps. Danny leans back in his chair and shrugs.

"I'm just saying, you ain't summoning shit with wrong grammar," he huffs, seemingly absolutely nonchalant about the whole thing. Oracle, who is watching the whole ordeal through the surveillance cameras, raises her eyebrows. Red Robin and Robin are already en route to the building the cultists chose for their extracurricular activities, but now she almost wants to watch this a bit longer.

Gothamites are pretty used to all kinds of shitshows, but this boy is from out of town. She checked him through facial recognition. Daniel Fenton, a transfer student from Amity Park, Illinois.

A few more cultists stop chanting and turn to Danny.

"Do you know Latin?" One of them asks, and the boy makes a half-nod, making a thoughtful face.

"Not fluently, but, like, it's a dead language, I felt kinda obligated to learn it. Just for the meme, you know?" He chuckles.

The cultists, judging by their confused silence, don't know. Barbara doesn't know what he's talking about, either. But she is almost curious now, so she taps Robin's and RR's comm lines:

"RR, Robin, when you arrive, don't jump into the scene," she asks.

"Understood," Tim answers immediately, but Damian, of course, demands explanations:

"Is there an obstacle?"

"Not really," Barbara humms, "The sacrifice is in the process of de-escalating the situation."

She can almost hear the questioning silence over the comm, but, thankfully, no one argues. Meanwhile, one of the cultists pipes up, voice full of doubt:

"So, you can... like, proofread our incantation?"

"Yeah, sure," Danny nods, apparently fine with being sacrificed, "Who you're trying to summon anyway?"

"Satan," that same cultist answers, and Danny laughs approvingly.

"Classic," he nods and smiles, "I'll give you this. The circle is mostly alright, so you don't need an incantation to summon the fucker, I have him on speed dial." And with that, he leans forward, screaming towards the floor: "Ey, Satan!"

Barbara must say the act was actually convincing, but he went a little overboard with it now. She reaches to tell both Robins to get in, but suddenly, a loud, booming voice reverberates through the building.

"The fuck do you want, kid?"

Cultists fall to their knees - it doesn't seem like an act of worship, more like their knees bucking. The whole circle dimly lights up in red, smoke raising from it.

"Do you see this shit, Oracle?" Red Robin questions, and she mhm's at him, not sure what else to say. If this is still an act or a trick, she must say it's a very good one. Although somehow she suspects it's not a trick. She's seen enough magic in her life to tell the difference.

"Do you want to come to Earth, be gay and do crimes?" Danny asks, almost mockingly.

"Fuck off."

The red light flickers and disappears, and Danny looks back up to cultists, grinning cheerfully.

"Welp, looks like he doesn't wanna," the kid concludes and stands up from his chair. Barbara hadn't seen when or how he got out of his bindings.

The cultists just watch him walk out of the circle in bewilderment.

"Pursue?" Robin's voice comes over the comms, and Barbara thinks for a moment.

"I get a feeling like that's a bad idea," Tim mutters over his line.

Barbara agrees.

[notmeowse]

That AMA marks the end of Dragon Age.

In my opinion.

I'll start by saying that I have played all 3 of the previous games repeatedly, I've loved the series for 15 years, more than half my life. These games inspired me to become a writer and they've shaped a lot of my tastes and interests in shows and writing -- to say they were formative is kind of an understatement. Don't want to go on and on about how much I loved them, that's not the point here.

I didn't care for Veilguard for pretty much all of the reasons people have already discussed at length on Reddit and Tumblr. The writing is comprehensively bad, the romances are easily the worst Bioware has written by pure virtue of having the most cookie-cutter pacing and shallow characterization I've seen across their games, the lore has been shafted in every direction, and the nuanced storytelling and roleplay I came to expect from the series has been taken out back and shot in the head.

All, apparently, in the name of a "clean slate". It seems to me that, rather than familiarizing himself with the existing lore of the game he took the creative reins on, Epler clearly had a vision for Dragon Age (or perhaps a different IP entirely) in his head that he decided to transplant into the game (and possibly Trick? But they've said so little beyond defending their work that I can hardly theorize what direction they were coming from). That being a sanitized, wildly self-contradicting, morally absolute shitshow focused on distancing itself from the previous games as much as possible. Now, I know it's unrealistic to blame one person entirely, and I don't blame him entirely. Corinne was there. Trick was there.

But if it wasn't already evident from the numerous interviews Epler's given on the game as well as his participation in the Q&A's (while the actual lead writer of the game has been completely absent in not just the marketing, but in most fan-related interaction pre and post-launch outside of BSKY), this AMA seems to have confirmed, more than anything else, that Epler doesn't understand the game nor does he understand its audience. Neither does Corinne Busche, who despite being Game Director for only the last two years of development, has been answering lore questions a) like she has any fucking clue and b) like she thinks Dragon Age is a cozy-gamer IP, meant to appeal to people that want uplifting stories with uncontroversial characters, morally upright heroes, and unquestionably evil villains.

So as of today's AMA, I think I've finally had enough. We're just outright retconning the lore in Reddit AMA's now, I guess. Among other things. I'll provide a few examples, just so we're all on the same page.

This was part of Epler's response to why Solas didn't have his cult following in the game (insert "We Kind of Forgot" meme here):

Solas' experience leading the rebellion against the Evanuris turned him against the idea of being a leader. You see it in the memories - the entire experience of being in charge ate at him and, ultimately, convinced him he needed to do this on his own. And his own motivations were very different from the motivations of those who wanted to follow him - he had no real regard for their lives or their goals. So at some point between Trespasser and DATV, he severed that connection with his 'followers' and went back to being a lone wolf.

The fact that this (the not caring bit) directly contradicts the writing in the actual game is absolutely INSANE to me, moreso than the lack of Solas's spy network (which he apparently carried with him for 10 years only to conveniently drop right before the ritual? Because he clearly had them research Rook?). But in regards to the not caring -- here's a line from Solas's memory of killing Mythal in Veilguard, which. I'll get to Mythal in a minute:

Why should I not tear down the Veil, and bring back immortality to all the elven people? They deserve it!

Which is it? Does Solas care about the people he's saving (the venn diagram of people he's saving vs. the people following him is surely a circle, i.e. elves) or not? Does he even care about the spirits trapped behind the Veil anymore or is it just convenient to abandon them and have him only care about elves, now? What happened to saving The People? What happened to him not identifying as an elf in his conversations with a Dalish Inquisitor? And what the absolute fuck happened to him wanting to bring back the magical marvels (that the ancient elves did in fact achieve) that were greater than anything we see in Thedas today? Here's what Epler has to say about elven magic, now:

I do agree that the elves have had their place in the sun at this point. [...] The thing about the Evanuris is that, ultimately, they were able to take a very specific type of magic and shape it into doing what they wanted. But even their understanding of magic was only skin deep [...] Even the magic that Tevinter wields, the magic of the Southern mages, is different from what the Evanuris used. The magic of the Evanuris is powerful but it's sterile, and it's constrained. So while the Evanuris have made magic work in a way that's more predictable and understandable, it's not the only kind of magic out there, and even then, I'd say they understood it at a very surface level. People were confidently describing how the natural world worked back in the 16th century. Very few of them were right.

First of all, Tevinter has been stated in previous games to have clumsily adapted ancient elven magic for their own, but they did adapt it. To the point where even Solas is surprised that Corypheus achieved effective immortality -- by binding himself to a dragon the same way the Evanuris did. So, cool, more contradicting the lore here. "They understood it at a very surface level" you mean when all of the magic of the Fade wasn't locked behind the Veil? You mean when magic flowed freely through the world? What do you mean, Surface Fucking Level? The entire point of the Dalish elf culture is what they lost; this wasn't the ancient elves thinking the sun revolved around the earth, the Veil was their fucking Library of Alexandria burning. Oh my god. I still cannot believe he said this.

And how have the elves had their day in the sun? I'm sorry, was Arlathan not given to... the Veil Jumpers? Instead of the Dalish? What happened to all the Dalish clans in the south, who had no infrastructure when the world was apparently blighted to hell? I guess they're just gone now! They've had their day! The story of the Dalish and the Evanuris is over (also confirmed in this AMA), and it apparently ends with the final snuff of the candle that is their culture. Congratulations, Chantry, you've won! Only took two genocides and a double blight, but we're done with the Dalish now! We get your mind-numbingly superficial factions instead!

What happened to Mythal, by the way? What happened to "She was betrayed as I was betrayed, as the world was betrayed! Mythal clawed and crawled her way through the ages to me, and I will see her avenged!" What happened to the reckoning that will shake the very heavens? John's answer to this:

People grow and change over time. Mythal's essence - and in particular, the fragment of her spirit that Morrigan carries, that she got from Flemeth - is not the same Mythal who he knew millennia ago. Centuries of living in this world and being around the kinds of people Flemeth found herself around - the Hero of Ferelden, Hawke, the Inquisitor - changed her views, and made her realize her own culpability in turning Solas into the kind of person he is now.

Oh, right, okay. So she was pissed for like a thousand years, got her big speech about the impending "reckoning" out 10 years ago, and then she just chilled out because the last 3 heroes were neat people. What a fucking joke. And yes, here is the confirmation that the Evanuris story is over --

The story of the Evanuris is done - the gods are dead (or imprisoned) and Thedas is in a state of flux and uncertainty. I imagine that whatever happens next is going to be a surprise to everyone, including the people of Thedas."

So I guess Mythal's reckoning is never coming. One of the most fascinating characters in the series, shrouded in mystery for those first 3 games, PROMISING US a blaze of glory, only to fizzle out in this one. Again, and I can't emphasize this enough, for Epler's clean fucking slate. And we've not just tied up her story, but also the Veil and the Blight:

When Solas bound himself (or, depending on your ending, was forcibly bound) to the Veil, it severed the connection that the Blight had to the waking world. The reality is that the Veil has been leaking ever since the Magisters first entered the Black City, and the dreams of the Titans gave it its terrible and awesome power. Now that the Veil is fully repaired, the Blight lacks that motive force, and being so close to the epicenter of that change has stripped the Blight in Minrathous of its vitality. It's calcified now - dead - and Bellara/Neve no longer suffer its effects. If they'd been anywhere else, further from that epicenter, it would've likely been different and they still would be looking for a cure.

So the Veil is permanently fixed now because our half-dead Dread Wolf bound himself to it (a decision I still don't understand) and that somehow fixed every single hole ever poked in it. Fully repaired. No more holes, no more "Veil is thin here" because tons of people died in the same spot, nope, we're washing our hands and leaving it (and the spirits) behind us because we've wrapped up both the series-long Veil storyline and the blight storyline in a big red bow.

And Epler tells us Solas not only bound himself to the Veil but fixed it entirely in one fell swoop, no ritual required, just a little slice to the hand. Again, all in the name of a clean slate, so any future installments or media centered around Thedas can turn away from this story.

Then there's this. What we can expect from future installments, I freaking guess. The aforementioned roleplay getting taken out back and shot:

Q: "What lead you to the decision to step away from active conversations with the companions as in previous Bioware games, where you can initiate them at any moment and ask exhaustive questions?"

John: "For us, because of tech limitations, it became a choice between exhaustive investigate conversations, or letting the companions move more freely around the Lighthouse. With the kind of experience we were going for, one where seeing the team grow around you is paramount, we felt that seeing them interact in common spaces (and in each other's rooms) made more sense."

Literally confirmed that they chose companions moving freely about the cabin over ... interacting with them outside the handful of cutscenes we got. Who in their right mind would think this was a good call in a Dragon Age game? A series that quite literally prides itself on complex character interactions and storytelling? So they could... sit in different places? Are you kidding me?

They don't see an issue with the game's reception. They don't have any interest in addressing or responding to criticism. They're either happy with their choices or EA's got a gun pointed at their heads, I'm honestly not sure anymore. I used to believe the latter was true, but looking at both Epler's and Busche's responses today, I'm inclined to believe the former.

So I think that's it for the series. Not that I thought it was going to get another game after this, but on the absolute off chance it did, what would be the point? The best stories were ruined. Anything left they have to tell is going to read a lot like Veilguard -- superficial, morally absolute, flagrantly disrespectful to the lore, and delivered in a very poorly written package.

[conchfritters]

head in my hands tears in my eyes yeah. Yeah in game collei is not what i wanted when i was excited for sumeru! the questionably accurate metaphor that I use for how I view genshin’s writing is like if we had a charcuterie board with meat, cheese and crackers on it. you can pick what you want off it, like all of them stacked or maybe just some meat or maybe just crackers etc. And then they get rid of the meat and cheese but they keep calling it and acting like it’s a full charcuterie board. the only people who are happy now are the people who only wanted the crackers, but they were already happy, because the crackers were still there. the only thing that has been accomplished is that people who liked all the flavors together think this sucks, and people who only wanted the meat or the cheese think this sucks, and people who wanted any combination of two of the options think this sucks. hang on this needs a read more i got carried away

it's taking every character they have and sanding them down into the most trope-friendly version of themself, at the cost of personality details, at the cost of relationships, at the cost of characters around them, at the cost of them feeling connected with the world and consequently of the world feeling more alive, in favor of appealing to ships or found family* or fandom in jokes** (things that, if left alone, develop naturally. in contrast to this weird manufactured fandomization that hoyo pulls that winds up just being bad writing, see charcuterie board metaphor) *particularly the "and these are the parents and these are the kids" or "siblings (but without any particular details or focus on either as an individual and how that effects a sibling dynamic)" type of found family. the very structured nuclear family kind **amber has a meta joke in her tcg dialogue. Fun fact that i hate.

so kaeya winds up a Found Family Brother (and also exemplifies their other running trend of linking characters to 5-stars. interesting advertising choice that i don't like) who Teases People (but only in a nice silly way! don't read his character story 2) and also is Sad (but only in a nice, easy on the details way. don't think about the whole diluc and kaeya's fight, which is the second attempted murder involving kaeya that hoyo refuses to elaborate on, or the whole khaenri'ah conflict thing)

and then you end up with things like collei's about kaeya line saying that she's sooo shy and nervous that he's gonna tease her. and because interpersonal relationships mean nothing here, collei's suddenly best friends with mondstadt as a whole. the simulanka event retconned has her greeting klee and klee saying it's been ages (they never met?) she asks how jean is despite not talking to jean once except to lie to get into the library. her reuniting with amber is done off-screen, their dynamic is simplified into Shy Cheerful Collei wants to be Not Shy Cheerful Amber (except amber can't be TOO not shy. all that being headstrong and blunt in 1.0 and the webcomic got taken away from her when she became Half Of a Ship with her designated 5-star). suddenly the whole "mondstadt was a last ditch effort to not die" and the "collei killed two people in cold blood" and the "she was willing to lie her way through for survival" bits are gone. collei's new conflict is that she's shy. she's shy and struggling in school and so found family daughter, by the way. is this shyness her struggling to adjust to living among people after a whole childhood as a human experiment on the run? never going to come up! that's a big scary plotline for a character here to slot into found family archetypes. and of course to remind you of eula's heart of gold, because in inheriting amber's new flanderized personality she also had to inherit the torch of standing next to eula and going hey guys don't forget to pull our 5 stars (something that also never does any favors to the 5-stars, who also have their personalities watered down, but i digress)

and again with my charcuterie board metaphor because i'm trying to keep this tangent from being Too incoherent. kaeya and diluc/klee interacting would be perfectly fine and even good If it wasn't the Only interaction they were allowed to have (except klee who is the only mondstadt character who exists in hoyo's eyes). when characters exist OUTSIDE of each other it makes them MORE interesting together. kaeya's lines about missing childhood during the 1.6 event and the way he takes care of klee are super interesting! the one scene of him in the simulanka event where he's telling those guys off for arguing in front of klee was a highlight of the event! but unfortunately their refusal to actually use their characters made it the only highlight of an hours long event with a full cast, and rather than make me like kaeya as klee's babysitter more, it just made me want to see more of kaeya on his own. "kaeya never saw himself as a child" is such a good interpretation i wish someone at hoyoverse would come to it to

(honorary mention to collei's one "she's like a wilted mushroom!" "collei that's so morbid?" bit, which was the only collei scene i liked. not a great sign either. i wish she stayed at least a little mean)

so you could have jean and kaeya or jean and amber or jean and diluc or jean at all developed. but jean isn't half of a ship (not with an event exclusive 5 star anyway) or found family, nor is she the lucky winner of whatever random number generator they use to decide who shows up in events (why was kokomi there when she had no interaction or chemistry with any other character involved? Because she may as well be)

they'll have the hidden strife letters which were good. they had all of the little 1.x lines and interactions that were subtle that came together to flesh things out ex. jean and diluc's pet turtle conversation, kaeya's whole pirate thing, his appearance in venti's story quest, everyone during the first summer event honestly (i miss jean so bad). and then they'll drop another 3-4 hour long festival/fairy tale/hexenzirkel/We Wanna Be 1.6 So Bad event with a cast that never makes it past "hi nice to meet you" where nothing happens and you get mediocre furniture. and then they'll throw in kaeya's whole scene in the theater in his hangout and show that they still can write characters. and then they'll drop him in sumeru to go Yeah i'm from khaenri'ah. Later! and leave

kaeya and collei's underwhelming in game dynamic are shaking hands with amber being written out of a scene entirely in shadows amidst snowstorms just so she wouldn't be the one to sniff out fakebedo in my head. i'd say we're due for a lisa blunder to finish the starter trio but that would involve them having lisa show up for more than 2 seconds

like i don't expect them to address the stabbing a 12 year old thing, but there are ways that they could have fleshed out kaeya & collei without outright saying that he stabbed a 12 year old. make amber and kaeya contrast, with amber having trusted collei and kaeya having not. collei looks up to and wants to be like amber but she is at the end of the day more like kaeya. i think that they could understand each other in a way and there are so many different ways that could be written. like it's very relevant to Me that kaeya was trying to kill collei in front of amber. he says she arrived just in time for the finale so he either didn't care that she'd shown up or wanted her to. he says he's going to "rip that deceptive mask right back off [collei]" and taunts her by asking what her friends would think of her now. was he trying to teach amber a lesson about trusting a threat to mondstadt? he calls her an entertaining exemplar of justice in the beginning, was he trying to throw her trusting people back in her face? teach her a lesson by it? something that would make his and diluc's relationship more interesting by proxy, because you know who else wears a deceptive mask? you know what other pyro user felt betrayed? and then by continuation there's the "diluc tried to stab kaeya vs. amber flew collei out of there and asked for her reasoning" paralell that makes amber and diluc have an interesting dynamic without having ever interacted. when you build webs like this things flow so much better than sectioning characters off into little groups that they aren't allowed out of

and that makes diluc showing up at the end of the barnabas fight more interesting. it makes amber being called a true child of freedom BY VENTI during the archon quest more interesting. the fan translation of the last webtoon chapters (because hoyo fucking hates that webtoon so bad i guess) has amber respond to barnabas saying that humans are weak with "but we are still alive by our own strength", and saying that collei can deny the glory of barbatos but she'll show her the beauty of mondstadt. kaeya and his whole khaenri'ah thing. there is so much meat there to chew on.

but the problem with a lot of the in game writing (but not all of it because hoyo jumps from highs to lows like its a sport to them) is that it isn't enough for them to take away a characters fangs. they leave them all with gums. it isn't enough for kaeya's questionable methods to suddenly disappear, they've gotta throw his passive aggressive jabs at diluc out, they've gotta throw his actual teasing out, they've gotta throw it all.

it wasn't enough that amber was already a nice character. she was described first and foremost as passionate, and they wanted her cheerful instead. so you don't get her being suspicious of anyone, or her being more dry (in terms of tone, not writing quality) like in razor's story quest (with her 'don't do anything stupid', her accusing paimon of getting into weird mushrooms, etc.). now it's just Baron Bunny Good Hunter My Friend Eula Good Hunter Sticky Honey Roast from Good Hunter Baron Bunny Heehee I'm so glad we met! Ignore my line about wanting to see how far the rabbit hole goes with you i'm only here for Good Hunter. hoyo's characters were made of their details and those details are gone

her defining character conflict is gone because suddenly her grandpa is eula's mentor. because she needs to be linked to a 5-star inextricably. sure, eula could've been the last one looking for her grandpa without having ever met him just because it means something to amber, something that would've actually shown her heart of gold rather than having amber or collei tell us about it, and also would've added a layer to their dynamic. but that would've left it as a conflict with amber's character. and there cannot be a character outside of the hoyoverse assigned Duo

she was there for the entirety of razor's story quest and invites him to stay in the city at the end, but when they needed a knight of favonious to give razor a gift during weinlessefest...sucrose and noelle. and amber's only appearance was an optional one where she was of course very mellow, and flustered over eula paying for her meal.

i mentioned her being written out of a scene in shadows amidst snowstorms. during the beginning joel (the kid) is left with amber, running off to i think climb a tree. the traveler leaves to fuck around with albedo. the cave scene. eula shows up to confront albedo about leading joel into the ice wastes. there is no mention of amber having passed joel off to anyone, there is no mention of joel having wandered off and amber somehow not caring, there is no amber noticing something's up with evilbedo and telling eula about it (again: something that would actually make them interact). amber's next appearance is showing up with bennett in the next quest. there is no mention of having been with joel. she continues not noticing anything wrong despite the favonious warbow description claiming outriders are trained to sense and notice danger. this is not mentioned as a "woah, fakebedo sure was a good fake!" either. they talk about how often her and eula eat at good hunter together. eula protects her during the avalanche and makes the group stop so she can rest. she goes "wow that's crazy" after the reveal. they damsel in distressed her ass.

of her few and far between, mostly optional windblume rerun appearances she is apart from eula for one brief one right at the beginning. her reunion with collei which is a handful of lines, unless the actual reunion was off-screen i cannot remember. collei spends the entire event bonding over being sooo shy with sucrose (who has a personality and lore all her own that would make for a great hangout so i'm not sure why hoyo only has her slot into the weirdest places) and then collei is redirected into being another eula hanger-on when she isn't the found family daughter of the sumeru crew. I also don't like what they did with collei & cyno's dynamic outside of their voicelines about each other/character stories. i also think they mangled cyno's personality badly. thoughts for a different post though

outside of those she has an appearance in the cat event which was. fine*. she has dialogue during the one tcg event (both optional. by the by.) which the wiki doesn't have but i DO (because i am NORMAL about that character) and it's only 5 lines but it's fine. she has a brief appearance in a picture event where she says she's SOOO embarassed about how she was suspicious of you at the beginning and a brief appearance in the food event where she's eating dinner in liyue with eula and talks about how she invited eula over for her grandpa's cooking all the time. there are three (i counted) lines where she mentions her and her grandpa without eula though which is the closest we get to a follow-up on anything about her. she also says it's like they're eating at good hunter. the fun thing about reducing a character to one trait is it has a way of making you dislike that trait. That restaurant is a plague to me. *another good hunter mention + sticky honey roast + they apparently forgot amber is canonically extremely bad at cooking because paimon celebrates amber saying she's gonna personally cook them sticky honey roast. but they actually reference the fact that she's employed as a scout and eula isn't there

and it's so annoying to see. because her personality and the personality that eula actually does have, in her voicelines, not that hoyo likes to show it either, would've made for a significantly better dynamic anyway. and amber being allowed to exist outside of that dynamic would have made it better anyway. and eula actually being worked into the mondstadt cast rather than just standing there while amber and her mini-me tell you about her heart of gold would have made for a better character. and an improvement to the character dynamic they are trying to force.

but you don't get amber anymore. you get half of a ship. you don't get kaeya, you get found family brother. you don't get collei, you get shy girl found family. because hoyoverse can let these characters exist outside of their boxes and everything will be better for it. but why do that when you can have kokomi show up in simulanka for no reason other than spitting in the face of the people holding out hope that her whole orobashi thing will be explained. isn't kaeya such a silly teasing brother. have some mediocre furniture Seriously if hoyo's gonna fuck my favorites over can i get better furniture out of it i'm sick of paper mache

at the end of the day. 1. in kaeya's inner dialogue during his whole stabbing a 12 year old thing he refers to amber as "our intuitive rabbit" and that is such an endearing thing to say when you are about to murder a 12 year old in front of said intuitive rabbit. he needs a level of therapy that teyvat hasn't invented yet. peak character and 2. one of amber's voicelines has her saying that she joined the knights because of her grandpa (also a point for the "She Could've Been A Diluc Paralell") and that she stayed because of jean. What do you mean stayed because of jean. Why is that never elaborated on.

last post complaining about genshin's writing for the month Anyway i think blorbofication happening in canon is the best way i could describe a lot of the problems i have with it ex. kaeya's relationship with diluc (or klee) is almost the only focus we get on him now, other than his brief appearance in the sumeru archon quest which was just saying his backstory basically with very little actual reaction or characterization on his part OR dainsleif's (also a problem i have in the albedo homunculus reveal in shadows amidst snowstorms). i haven't done his hangout because i. don't care enough to sit through an hour for each route with the quality of content hoyoverse puts out but looking at the ending options i feel like. they missed the opportunity to expand on things we already had for kaeya in favor of Oh he babysits klee! Oh albedo is here! Spend money to pull albedo!Venti cameo! What do you mean him and amber have a complicated dynamic. What do you mean he's apparently beloved by the elderly of mondstadt and the one who wraps up all the incidents there. What do you mean bennett trusts him as an omniscient big brother according to his official cn character profile. We made him talk to diluc again isn't that enough kaeya for you? and it sucks because kaeya feels like a rubik's cube with an onion's layers and like one of their best character personalities in content where he's actually kaeya and not just diluc's brother who is sad and also pretty! we never see anything about his relationship with jean, who he is the Most Trusted Aide of, or mondstadt at large! because every day we get closer to fanon kaeya being canon kaeya and it's just. You can have canon kaeya and fanon kaeya will follow but if fanon kaeya is at the forefront you're just immediately losing all that depth and it's going nowhere

[wrioluvr]

flirty playboy x mature male reader

this stupid ass meme had been on my mind forever and i realised how funny it would be to have a slutty playboy who just sleeps with anyone to seriously pine over a more mature, secure guy who doesn't fall for any of his shallow charms and tricks.... here are just some blurbs of their dynamic (˵ ¬ᴗ��˵)

his name is roman. he's a little toxic, but he just wants to be loved.

cw: some smut, top male reader

it all started with a little night out. you didn't do those often, due to devoting most of your time towards work and earning a stable career, but finishing this particularly gruelling assignment called for a celebration. at the bar, dancing with your friends, a good-looking man with a playful glint in his eyes approached you full of bravado. he told you how handsome you were, and had been eyeing you from across the room for a while now. but from a single glance, you could tell he was the type to break hearts. beach-blonde dyed hair, a tight fitting tank top revealing his muscular build, an eyebrow piercing, the way his mouth curled up so subtly into a little smirk.... he was everything you knew to avoid getting serious with. but a little hookup couldn't hurt, right? you deserved a little fun.

and it didn't hurt you at all. a few failed relationships had made you wise beyond your years, knowing to easily seperate the good guys from the bad. you knew your self-worth. roman, on the other hand, was absolutely smitten. no other man had fucked him THIS good, gave him such gentle aftercare, and even let him stay as long as he needed. the way you so effortlessly lifted his legs up to thrust in and out of him at a rhythmic pace, or fondling his tits and squeezing his nipples softly while you hit it from the back, or tenderly running your fingers down his spine, arching it sensually.... he loved it all. it was clear to him that you prioritised his pleasure as much as your own, and it showed in how he orgasmed several times before you even came in him once, panting breathlessly while wearing the sluttiest expression of his life. it was nothing like any of the men he had sex with before. afterwards, you let him stay the night in a guest room, and even brewed a cup of coffee for him in the morning.

roman was damn near tears when you offered to drop him off at his house before you headed off to work. if he was being honest with himself, his insecurities were the root of his constant need for sexual intimacy, so being treated with genuine kindness for once was new to him.

"is dropping you off here alright?" you ask, turning into the road of his apartment complex.

"y-yeah...." he looks out the window, unsure how to look you in the eyes.

"okay. thanks for last night. stay safe." your words carried an air of finality to them, like you were so sure the two of you would never cross paths again. he didn't like that.

"uh, uh......" he stuttered, all his usual flirtatiousness thrown out the window as he couldn't meet your gaze. "could i... get your number?"

your friendly smile froze on your face. "uhhhh.... sorry, i'm not really looking for anything serious right now."

he quickly regained his composure, charm turned up to the max. shifting his tank top so more of his chest was exposed and you could notice his nipples protruding, roman whispered in a low tone, "that's okay! we can just be casual... and fuck anytime you like." a wink. a hand on your thigh.

"jeez... okay, no offense, but i've heard rumours from my friends that you're a bit of a... playboy. i'm not interested in being your toy, sorry."

roman's face flushed in embarrassment, knowing what you said was true. except the part on him seeing you as a toy. that was untrue. he could feel a warmth growing from the pit of his stomach at the thought of spending more time with you. were these... butterflies?

maybe begging would work.

"okay fine, i am a bit of a player... but please, please, pleaseeeeeee.... let's be in contact, okay? as friends?" roman sniffled pathetically, shaking your shoulder in desperation. he needed to be in your presence. why weren't his usual maneating tactics working?!?!

"alright. here you go. just don't spam me or anything, okay? i gotta go for work. see you." you sigh, a little exasperated but choosing not to let it show. he immediately lit up, typing your number in his contacts and saving many hearts next to your name. you prayed your acts of basic human decency wouldn't cause him to catch feelings. you needed to focus on your job right now.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

3:02pm

[romanbabyxx]

hiiiiiii

[romanbabyxx]

i know you said not to spam you but like

[romanbabyxx]

i miss u

[romanbabyxx]

can we meet up at the bar for drinks or something like that? please?

3:10pm

you check the messages on your phone, rolling your eyes and ignoring them. he was probably sending this text to at least three other guys right now. he had a history of cheating, based on what you heard from your friends. you weren't going to be another one of his victims.

5:35pm

[romanbabyxx]

are u ignoring me?

[romanbabyxx]

im sorryyyyyyyy

[romanbabyxx]

pls hit me back when ur free

7.30 pm

[name]

sorry, just got off work. will be super busy this week, so not free. mb.

[romanbabyxx]

oh, its okay! next week then?

[name]

i'll see

this went on for a few weeks, you constantly evading his invitations, being polite and professional, never too intimate over text. roman was starting to get fed up. he's so used to getting everything he wants, he doesn't know what to do when he actually has to work for the one he desires. he actually hadn't hooked up with anyone since your one night stand, but you didn't believe that.

roman was at his wits' end. he could only think of one final plan to get your attention.

trying to make you jealous.

over the next week, he hooked up with any and everyone he met in the bar, not bothering to keep his slutting around discreet. he wanted you to hear the rumours. he wanted you to feel a sense of unease within your very being. he wanted you to feel possessive. he wanted you, to want him. the whole time, even as he was getting fucked, he could only imagine you caressing him, holding him close, loving him.

his deeds didn't go unnoticed. your friends told you about it, yet you didn't feel anything in the slightest. you were right, after all... he forgot about you within a week and moved on to whichever poor man he would leave high and dry next.

the next time you bumped into him at the bar, roman was his usual, party-loving self, excitedly slinging an arm around you, a drink in hand. his plan had to work, surely? you would be begging to have him back. but yet, when he offhandedly (yet so intentionally) mentioned how much dick he had been getting the past week, anticipating your change in expression, nothing happened. "oh. good for you." was all you said.

he sputtered, flustered by your calm demeanour. didn't you care? at all?! "but.... but.... aren't you jealous? that i've been hooking up with other guys?!"

you stare at him, a genuine quzzical expression plastered across your face. "why would i be? it's not like we're dating or anything. it was just a one time thing."

your words hit like a knife through his heart. he clutched his chest dramatically, a pout forming on his lips. "i'll be faithful! i promise!" his words came out more desperate than he intended. he felt so vulnerable, so naked, yet you were the face of serenity. your unimpressed eyes stared through his soul, as if you were scrutinising his very core. he knew you could heal him, make him feel loved, but he was starting to doubt there was any possibility you would feel the same.

"i'm sure that's what you said to the last guy you cheated on."

.

.

.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i intended for this to be lighthearted but why was it actually kinda depressing tbh

[tpwrtrmnky]

ruse (half, part 2)

[ID: Three panels. Continuing from part 1, Blue-Yellow is walking away from the grayscale person, who smugly points at them as they walk along a winding path.

Grayscale: "Hah. I got you!"

Blue-Yellow: "Nah. You really didn't. I got bored, did the snippy comeback, and now I'm walking away."

Grayscale: "But you fell for my scheme! You've been tricked! Coaxed, into a snafu! I got you!"

Panel 2: Blue-Yellow is in the foreground looking exhausted, while the grayscale person poses smugly.

Blue-Yellow: "Sigh. What the fuck are you talking about now?"

Grayscale: "Well. It just so happens that my ruse... My scheme... Was to trick you into dismissing material analysis!"

Panel 3: Focus only on Blue-Yellow, who says: "...I did not do that, I dismissed you in particular making up a bullshit material analysis and accusing me of believing in it. It's actually incredibly pathetic that after pretending the idea of two colors is too complicated for you, you implied I was less competent than you at material analysis.

Panel 4: Focus on the grayscale person, who is holding their phone, which is displaying an image of Blue-Yellow.

Grayscale: "Ah, but your actual views on the issue don't matter, because I have a recording here, of you saying..."

Blue-Yellow, on the recording: "My material conditions are that I lose twenty hours a week to this shit you're doing right now."

Grayscale: "A perfectly catchy soundbite that I can now use against you.

End ID.]

[ID 2: The above continues for four more panels.

Panel 1: The grayscale person continues monologuing smugly:

"The brilliance of my scheme is that I know your discourses intimately! Deprived of context I will circulate your clever little line in the worst, most anti-materialist chromatic spaces I know of! They, in turn, will weaponize it as a meme against materialists, doing my work for me! The discourse will sow further division, waste the time of your theorists, and you will be the face of it!"

Panel 2: Zoom on Blue-Yellow.

Blue-Yellow: "I can actually feel my brains leaking out with every word you say. I'm actively participating in the material chromanist theory community here. They know me. This is a ridiculous scheme."

Grayscale: "Oh, but you can't know everyone. All it takes is that you reach enough people who don't know you.

Panel 3: Grayscale gloats as their phone is swiped out of their hand by a purple person from above.

Grayscale: "It is foolproof! My scheme is ironclad, it-"

Purple: "Yoink"

Panel 4: A tall purple person, a lime green person and a dark red person approach the grayscale person from opposite of where Blue-Yellow is standing.

Purple: "Is this person bothering you?"

Blue-Yellow: "Well they're trying to I guess"

Dark red: "Cringe."

Grayscale, in smaller text: "Hey! My phone! Give it back!"

End ID 2.]

Start - Previous - Next

[arkhammaid]

— ˚₊‧⁺˖ RED BULL GIVES YOU WINGS.

fandom. formula one

pairing. max verstappen x snowboarder fem!reader (fc: zoi sadowski-synnott)

about. y/n l/n, olympic gold medalist, goes viral after her unusal win. her boyfriend silently cheers from the sidelines

content warnings. social media au, not edited/proofread

notes. i vaguely remember seeing the headlines (years ago) of a teen snowboarder oversleeping because he was watching netflix the night before the race LMAO. so this is kinda the inspiration for that

SKYSPORTS

liked by maxverstappen1, yourusername, redbull and 3'370'884 others

skysports Gold Medalist @/yourusername had a rough morning during the Winter Olympics, she overslept thanks to a late game night binge with her boyfriend. Yet despite also forgetting her coat, she takes the win by storm, all while flueled by three Red Bull's she had as breakfast.

"When me and my boyfriend sim race, we totally forget the time. It's his passion and I like to challenge him in something he thinks he's best in. I think it was 3am when I finally went to bed, luckily I found a some cans of Red Bull. You can also thank my boyfriend for that, he drinks that sh*t as if it's water."

Y/n takes the whole incident with stride, jokingly saying that she will have to repeat this routine if she wants to win gold the next time.

user SIM RACING WITH HER BOYFRIEND???

⤷ user don't know if we should thank him or not

⤷ user you'll probably never be able to thank him, y/n and her bf have been together for years now but she never revealed who it is

⤷ user does she even have a boyfriend??

⤷ user check her insta, she's been posting the same man for a long time now

user SHE'S SO FUCKING UNSERIOUS I LOVE THAT

user she's literally the definition of genz

user i don't care what anyone else says, this right here is queen shit behavior

⤷ user i crown thee, y/n l/n, to the queen of whatever this whole mess is

redbull See! Red Bull gives you wings, we take no longer any criticsm

⤷ user you better sign her up

⤷ user imagine she actually lands a red bull sponsorship just because of this

yourusername lol, that was fun

⤷ user LOL???

⤷ user i can't do this anymore 😭😭

maxverstappen1 👏👏

⤷ user MAX?!

⤷ user game recognizes game fr

user i don't know what's better. the camera catching her downing her third red bull right before the race or her cursing after she won

⤷ user meme of the year fr

YOURUSERNAME

liked by maxverstappen1, redbull and 1'552'082 others

yourusername happy to announce that i'm flying with @/redbull now! if one red bull doesn't work, try three. i won gold with it 😉

user SHE DID IT!!! Y/N NATION WE WON!!!

⤷ user now only the x games left

user can't wait for the insane promo shots

⤷ user bet she will do tricks from a cliff, right after drinking four red bulls

⤷ user straight from the skilift is my bet

redbull Proof that Red Bull gives you wings! Welcome to the family y/n ❤️💙

⤷ yourusername ❤️💙

user ahh the bigs smile makes me so happy, she deserves it

maxverstappen1 Welcome to the winners

⤷ yourusername thank you champ, i'll enjoy my stay!

user MAX LIKED AND COMMENTED

⤷ user MAXY/N NATION WE WON TODAY‼️‼️

⤷ user can we not pls... she has a bf

mathilde_gremaud welcome to the team y/n, so happy to see you here!!

⤷ yourusername thank you 😚

user i love red bull athletes welcoming newcomers

⤷ user a big family fr

⤷ user big and batshit crazy

⤷ user never said they're not lol

YOURUSERNAME

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris and 2'003'863 others

yourusername the moment this trophy comes in our home i will throw it off the balcony. how dare you not kiss ME when you won your fourth world championship?!

all jokes aside, maxie, i'm so fucking proud of you, my #1 racer, my favorite dutchman and cat dad 🫶 to many more years of red bull domination (max and y/n version) love you sm!!

maxverstappen1 You will not touch my trophy.

maxverstappen1 Don't worry, I'll kiss you until you're sick of me

⤷ yourusername impossible!!!

⤷ user STOP THIS

⤷ user ew, that's sickening sweet (pls don't stop you guys are the sweetest)

maxverstappen1 I love you too, schatje

⤷ yourusername i love you more

⤷ maxverstappen1 Not possible? 🤨

⤷ landonorris okay we got it, you both love each other stop this shit

⤷ yourusername @/landonorris get out of my comments if you don't like it norizz

⤷ user WHEN IS IT MY TURN??

⤷ user not lando catching strays 😭

user IT HAS BEEN MAX ALL ALONG???

⤷ user five years of softlaunching... only for us to be hit by the biggest hard launch of the decade

redbull The Red Bull Powercouple™️

⤷ user simply lovely!

landonorris fucking finally! now max can bother someone else with his yapping

⤷ yourusername max doesn't do yapping, he just loves talking about me🫶

⤷ landonorris well, i got sick of it!! i literally should've ruined your softlaunch and tell the press about you guys

⤷ maxverstappen1 That's not what a friend would do

⤷ user HOW DID LANDO KEEP THIS SECRET FOR SO LONG??

⤷ user i bet y/n threatened him with violence

⤷ landonorris she did.

⤷ user HELP?!

user if max can comment on his girlfriend's post like a sap WHY CAN'T OTHER MEN AS WELL??

⤷ user they will never be max verstappen...

user brb, the highway is calling me

user con 😭 gra 😭 tu 😭 la 😭 tions 😭😭😭

⤷ user the bf was real... i fear i'm not strong enough to fight him for mother y/n...

⤷ user at least she's happy!!! (i'm actually crying my parasocial relationship is officially over)

taglist. @keyz-writes , @obsidianjewel , @aimixx , @themercyverse , @lem-hhn , @lupicalbestwolf , @akiraquote , @lilypadlover , @adorablezhui , @peqch-pie

DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE TAGLIST? please send a non-anon ask to be added to the taglist. taglist can be general taglist (all fandoms and all works), fandom taglist (all works within the fandom), series (all works for specific series) or nsfw taglist (all nsfw works and all fandoms).

crossed off tags mean i can't tag you!

ARKHAM MAID 2024

[tranquilwilds]

Reminder that You Can Get Away With More Than You Think in regards to alterhumanity near humans.

It’s currently a joke/meme to meow or bark, meowing more at random when there’s a silence generally (from what i’ve witnessed) and barking such as “barking at men” and such, you can play off the conversation!

If you have close friends who you cuddle with, push your head into them, roll over and show them your stomach (if you are particularly close, very big sign of trust!), stretch, and feel relaxed in your nonhumanity in that moment. Playfight/wrestle, playfully snap at their hands (carefully and softly) if they get close to your face, bump shoulders, race them places, etc. (of course, never push boundaries, if someone tells you to stop, then stop.) Humans may not be just like us, but they will pick up on the closeness and physical touch is good for everycreature!

Bare your teeth when you dislike something, eat meat, make nest or den-like structures to have movie nights in, if you get wet, do a shake! Have a rumble in your happy hums.

Especially if you’re known to be a very woodsy person, you can play off your alterhuman vocals as party tricks! Though I am not a corvid, my raven and crow calls are both hits, people love to hear me use them out in the wild

“If you hear hoofsteps, think horses not zebras.” People are much more likely to write off your behavior than go “omg alterhuman” and even if they have the bravery to ask, they are likely accepting and know a good bit about the topic to know to ask! Tread lightly, but if you find the right people you can slowly integrate these into your interactions with them and they will be mostly if not entirely unskeptical.

[brittle-doughie]

I need more Burning Spice. Istg it's becoming a problem :D

Idk whats with me and the triangle shape Soul Jam holder. THEY ARE HOT. LITERALLY.

(I'm like that one Bi panic meme rn,HELP)

“Be ready, Y/N Cookie. For the Beast Cookies are a force to be reckoned with and not to be taken lightly.”

“Right. I mean, with you and the others here, I have some hope in our chances. I’ll take point-“

Right as you turn around to start walking, you bump into something firm. Looking up, you saw that it was..a cookie’s back. The cookie turned around to face you and you already felt like dropping your sword in sheer bashfulness, a red flush on your face as you stuttered. The cookie laughed at your embarrassed state as he holstered his large axe over his shoulder.

“Ha ha! Well, aren’t you just the cutest little cookie~ Move aside, will you? I’d hate to have to destroy something as delicate as you~”

“It’s the Beast Cookies! Y/N Cookie, get behind me-“

“Hey! Don’t be hogging them all to yourself! Hello, dearest little cookie~ I bet you’ve never seen a cookie like me before~ I may be a Beast Cookie, but I can still whisk you away to my paradise! What do you say~?”

Your blush grew worse, seeing two attractive cookies before you, it was becoming too much as your grip on your weapon started to shake.

“Before I get to show them my bestest tricks?! Get away, you succubus! They’d rather come with me where I can show what me and my puppets can do! It will just be a barrel full of laughs and they do say that laughter is the key to someone’s heart, y’know!”

“Futility is what I learned throughout the years. Just like how it’s futile for you to resist my beckoning hand, little cookie. Come with me and I’ll show you a world of white. A world where all the weight on your shoulders can finally be let go. A place where you can just..be free. Doesn’t that sound pleasant to you..?”

D-Did Elder Faerie Cookie leave out the part where these Beast Cookies would be this attractive?!

*Looks deeply in your eyes*

You ask Elder Faerie Cookie for forgiveness, you were THIS close to just hurling yourself at the Beast Cookies. The hot women and hot men, oh my!