#meme voice: I am once again crying over how much I love my partners

[little-shiny-sharpies]

I like to imagine, somewhere in their realities, f/os feel very loved whenever someone here thinks of them fondly or cries over how much they love them.

For some reason, no matter how dark and grim their world may be, there’s a moment where they stop for a moment and feel a sense of something wash over them in an invisible light. Perhaps joy or hope, pride, glee, or maybe just content with the world around them for a moment, and all their worries fade away for a few minutes.

Maybe sometimes the feeling is so intense they can’t help but shed a tear or two of joy while doing some monotonous task before wondering where such feeling came from. Fading as quickly as it arrived.

And when you’re suddenly overcome with awe of how beautiful the sky in the parking lot is, suddenly stopping and realize how inconceivably small the chances of you existing were, about how happy you are you get to experience a world with so many of your favorite drinks, about how much you enjoy your own company, or suddenly feeling a sense of pride in yourself for something monotonous..

Maybe that’s them, loving you.

[lookingfts]

hello!! omg so happy you’re on tumblr!

love love love every kanthony fic you write. i get an email that you’ve posted and will literally get giddy thinking about going home and reading it. truly you can do no wrong! my favorites are definitely hush (i reread this constantly actually just finished a reread earlier today) and the you were my rock never my stepping stone series (my roman empire is that little “no” next to complete on the series page…. if you do ever write a part 4 i may cry).

anyways! just needed to let you know how obsessed with your work i am. thank you for providing me with endless hours of good fic. just picture me as the gordon ramsay meme; finally some good fucking fic!

Thank you so so much! Gosh, it's crazy for any of my work to be thought of as someone's roman empire. 😂

I definitely CANNOT promise that this will ever be completed, but I once toyed with another part to that series about their wedding night, so please enjoy this snippet and the moodboard I made for it forever ago. (Though I may be rethinking Kate's outfit after seeing her in that incredible red and gold ensemble...)

--

Marriage had been so many things to Anthony over the years.

As a child, a given – marriage and kids were just what people did, especially Edmund and Violet, by far the most enamored couple among all his friends’ parents. As a teenager, it was a burden, it was heartache, it was ghosts left behind. He swore to avoid it, convinced that one of his brothers – or hell, his sisters – was perfectly capable of carrying on the Bridgerton name.

And then, Kate.

It was too easy to want her, too easy to want things with her that he’d dismissed years ago. Maybe the moment he pieced together that he loved her, he knew he would marry her, too. He wanted a marriage with her, a commitment to her, and if Kate hadn’t wanted the same, Anthony was sure he would have gone the rest of his life without ever considering it again.

But she had wanted it. She said yes at Daphne’s party as he desperately laid out his hopes for the future, and she said yes again when he dropped to one knee a few months later to make it official, and she said yes five hours ago when the officiant asked Kate to bind her life to his.

And now Kate was his wife, his partner, though if Anthony was being honest, she’d been both of those things in his mind for much longer.

“It’s rude to stare,” Kate said, a touch of amusement in her voice.

[rosemary-bells]

okay so i. um. coughs. i f. i finall y read the luke anny ssr card story. voice acting and all. and. i. h. hoo boy.

i'm just gonna go in and start screaming for a few paragraphs maybe possibly. im not one to review things at all but whatever i have like a hundred years worth of things to say. i was gonna go n post abt this as i read but then i was like na h ill just make a bunch of memes and cry later

like first part(s) of the story i was already screaming and crying over that flashback where hes arguing w aaron. highkey i was like bro is this rly the time to tell luke to make this romantic. rly. then later on it was nothing but sadness and heartache and crying and i was like yknow what maybe he was right about this

first meme! i saw peanut and i was like oh m y god. my little boy. my baby. hes back. highkey i miss the kid. he's not present enough in luke stories lmao. the fact that luke styled the lil handle on peanut was. hooo. i was like man i cant believe this is the perfect man maybe? (im kidding. hes far from perfect but he is baby.)

also highkey during his classical music lore session i was like "lmao shouldve made it fur elise" and then i was like Hm. i also highkey love the fact that they changed the music for the music box bits. that was cute. love that they used the main theme on the default card screen too. very nice

every time he mentioned larping schumann or brahms i was like man is this rly the time lmao. altho i am happy it brought him resolution

meme two i dont have that many memes again most of this is just me ranting for a bit. the voice acting was literally peak though. every time he yelled, or even every time he was quiet, you could really get all that hesitation and heartbreak, all at once. it was amazing. it was heartaching. loved it. i cant speak for the other dubs since i use jpn but like. i bet they were. immaculate.

also highkey im still so miffed that they didnt give rosa voice acting. i could rant abt this for hours but to keep it short, like. mhy is always at its strongest when its not making a self-insert, yknow? in some cases, self-insert characters work, but when your choices don't matter too much, in an otome game, which are mostly character driven, trying to make her too basic is just kind of eh ig. she does get a pretty solid character from what we have, though. like, shes got a strong personality. very passionate abt justice to the point of embarrassment. very honest. is generally driven a bit more by her heart than her brain. like seafood. that sort of thing. she's already her own character, so i just wish they gave her a va. its gotten to the point in which ive literally started imagining a va for her. she kind of sounds like shirayuki (jpn) in my mind...

also man fr he really did think that romantic partners were the only way to receive proper emotional support. she has friends, man. she's a strong kid who you left for like, 8 years. have some faith in her, yknow? also god, that line where he was like "As long as he can make you happy." god. that just stung, man. im thinking abt him in other routes and like, 3/4 times he really just gave up, didn't he?

on that note i also thought the towel that he was using to dry her hair was just. on top of her head the entire time, so thinking abt all these dramatic scenes w her just doing that was funny. ik thats not how it worked but like still. also did she rly run to her parent's house in that outfit? in the storm? ik she wasnt thinking but oof dude shes gonna catch the worst cold after all this blows over

that kiss scene though. man. the orchestra music playing. i always love that theme, even if it does feel mis-timed at moments. it just feels so refreshing. rly does make it feel like a "kiss of fervor" (also how he just caresses her arm during the kiss. how gentle. what a sweet guy. he rly just wants to comfort her.) he even used 大好き instead of just 好き like man. ... man.

and then that bit where they called each other their greatest treasure... and then, how he said "I swear, I will do everything I can to live, so that I can be with you." man. it was cheesy but it rly did feel like the rainbow after the storm. it rly is all abt learning to love yourself because of how loved you are. like wow. man. it rly is abt loving someone so much that you want to live for them. live w them. man.

all in all, super cheesy card. it was a short-ish storyline, but i highkey loved it. it was cute. it was precious. i nearly cried. (more or less did when i found out his badge was called "Luke's Vow" like hooo. oh my god) i Enjoy. looking forward to the 2nd anny's cards....

the final meme. its another version of the last one but hey accurate lmao i was shaking crying screaming sobbing throwing up the entire time but by god was my heart full

[vegalocity]

Hug while straddling for @purble-turble's Time Travel Red and MK?

Affection meme

31. Hugging While straddling partner

Eyyyy lmao I'm always down to talk about Red Son: Ultimate Enemy as told by @purble-turble

--

There was no such thing as 'loving mental illness away'.

That was one of the very first things Qi Xiaotian had internalized when he came to the decision to make up with Red Son after his future adventure.

He wasn't exactly the picture of mental health himself, but when Red Son stumbled back into their time period, jacket chopped in half hair shorn close to his head and so obviously choking back tears, He'd instantly known whatever had happened to him had been actual hell. (Of course at first he'd forced himself to not care for how angry he'd been with Red Son after he'd told him about his parents plan and how he'd been a willing pawn in it, but that was beside the point)

So once he'd been properly brought upt to date on the exacts of the nightmare-future, and they'd started the process of looking for a therapist for Red Son, as clearly, he'd needed it, Xiaotian had taken it upon himself to do some research on his own time. it was a little difficult, he didn't want Red to find out about it until he actually had a better sense of what he should be doing, but since Red Son rarely seemed to be able to sleep anymore (even when Xiaotian could get him to lay with him in bed it was clear what little sleep he did get was rife with nightmares) and when he did sleep through the night he would wake up earlier than him, and they lived together... his most constant time for research was usually when he was technically on the clock.

But he'd gotten a couple of books about Post-traumatic stress disorder, general psychology, and 'So you've got a loved one with severe depression' (an actual title) and he'd scribble notes into the margins and on sticky notes when there was time between deliveries. And the first lesson every single one of those books had for him was just that.

You can't 'love someone out of their illness'. That's not a thing. The best you can do is love them through it.

So he did his best with that.

On some days that was just sending texts full of cute animal gifs and heart emojis, on some that was coming up to the loft on break to sit next to the lump of pillows and blankets on the bed and (after finding the telltale hint of short red hair that gave away where his head was) resting a hand on the part of the lump that was most likely an arm, gently rubbing it, and sitting in silence until his break ended.

And on some days it was this.

"It's not safe you're not safe I'm gonna slip up eventually-" Red Son's voice was fragile and warbling as his actions contradicted his words, hands scrabbling up and down his back and sides, gripping periodically for purchase before shrinking back as if afraid just hugging him back would crush him. "I'm gonna do something-"

"You won't." Xiaotian was practically seated in Red Son's lap at this point. Red had been sitting on the floor, back to the edge of the bed when the meltdown had begun, so kneeling on the ground until he was rested on his partners legs did two things:

one, it enabled him to wrap him up as tight as he could in his arms without having to twist one or both of them in an awkward angle.

and two, the extra pressure would probably help ground him, make it a little easier to come down from this one.

"You don't know that" His voice was hoarse, desperate. and Xiaotian closed his eyes and squeezed Red Son tighter.

"I do. I know you, hun." Red Son sobbed into his shoulder and he felt his hands finally decide where to be, resting across either shoulder blades and balling the fabric they found there up into fists.

"I know there's basically nothing that'll make you believe it at this point, but you're a good man, Red Son."

"I'm no-"

"Shhh, my turn to talk now." he shifted a hand to be able to bury it in Red Son's hair. He could feel him ever so minutely relax beneath him at the sensation. "You saw your potential for being a bad person, and don't forget everyone's got it. I have it, Xiaojiao has it, hell Monkey King has recorded evidence for his bad person potential, anyway, you saw yours and you've been working your ass off nonstop to keep it from ever getting the best of you.

"And this shit is fucking hard, hun. You're fighting your own brain and the actual literal future here! and guess what? it might not feel like it right now but you're winning."

Still, he shook his head against Xiaotian's shoulder. he didn't want to interrupt again, but still make his disagreement known.

"You are." He pulled away just enough to be able to properly cup Red Son's wet face in his hands. "You think that Evil King remotely hacked Jin and Yin's stupid battle robot in that illegal mech fighting ring and made it throw the match making them look like idiots in his timeline?" Red's gaze broke from his own as he thought back on the fight that broke out the week previous.

"....I suppose not-"

"You think that Evil King ever thinks for more than a second about the ethics of what evil plans he carries out let alone hours of agonizing over whether something was the right call or not?"

"Certainly not but that's not-"

"It is the point, Red. You're not the same person anymore. Maybe you started from the same roots, but he dug himself back into the ground and you rose up like a fucking tree instead."

Red Son met his gaze again, and Xiaotian could tell he still didn't believe him, but there was a spark there.

The faintest, dimmest hope.

"You are a good man, Red Son." this time he made sure every word was careful deliberate. So there was no misunderstandings that could be made. "And I am not accepting counterarguments at this time so you'd better fucking take it."

When he pulled Red Son against his chest again, and let the demon continue to cry quietly into his shirt, he pressed a small kiss to the crown of his head.

"I love you."

Red Son choked on a sob, and didn't answer.

It wasn't an issue, he knew Red Son loved him. Part of this whole thing being a thing in the first place was because Red Son loved him. Red Son wouldn't be as scared of becoming the Evil King as he was if he didn't love him so he knew better than to take to heart the days where he just couldn't say the words back.

There weren't any cures for mental illnesses. There were ways to mitigate the symptoms, but there are no spells that cure depression, there's no potion of anti-PTSD, and no person can love someone out of their illness.

But heavens above did he wish it some days.

He'd give anything to make it so Red Son wouldn't have to be in so much pain.

But all he could do was just hold him tighter, and stroke the short red tresses between his fingers until the sobbing stopped.

It took less time than usual.

Red was exhausted and pliant by the end of it and let Xiaotian drag him about the loft, obediently (if slowly) eating what was pressed into his hands and then nursing the mug of tea he was given as they settled down on the mound of cushions and he put on that 'how things are made' show that Red Son liked.

He was asleep halfway through the second episode.

Sure, some days were harder than others, and sure, some days he'd wish there was a cure just to spare Red the suffering.

But he felt Red Son's head slowly loll to the side until it rested on his shoulder, breathing slow and even and looking for the first time today like he was at peace and-

He still wouldn't trade it for anything.

"Love You, Hun."

Red Son hummed against him.

--

Send me stuff!

[simp-for-mha-men]

𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕤: 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖 (𝕕𝕖𝕟𝕜𝕚 𝕜𝕒𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕣𝕚 𝕩 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣)

A/N: My first piece of writing! I hope that all of you enjoy it. I LOVE IT! (also a Denki stan, so ya know) I totally believe Denki is the kinda person to create friends only AND in person. Without further ado, here ya go.

Genre: fluffy fluff with mutual pining 💞

Word count: 2.3k

♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥*♥

itzElectric has joined the chat

itzElectric: HEAR YE! HEAR YE! I SUMMON MY COMPANION @IceStorm TO CURE MY BOREDOM!

Denki Kaminari was once again on his phone, searching for the person who he began talking to only months ago in a future-hero chatroom. He remembered he slid into IceStorm’s DMs with a cheesy pick-up line: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? Enough to break the ice. A classic one-liner he hoped wouldn’t scare the person on the other side of the screen away.

IceStorm ended up responding to the DM almost immediately, commenting on how the Titanic wouldn’t appreciate that opener. Denki knew from that simple reply that he and IceStorm were going to get along just fine.

IceStorm, whose name he later found out was (y/n), was an all around perfect human being. Seriously, they were. Denki swore to the Bakusquad that if you looked up the definition of perfect in the dictionary, (y/n)’s tag would be next to it.

Their quirk related to the online name they chose for themselves. The fact that they could not only produce ice from their body but also turn any bodies of water, like clouds or lakes, into ice was fascinating to the electric boy. He, in turn, shared his quirk with (y/n). He even sent a video of himself in full “Dumb Denki” mode, to which he received an audio clip of them laughing hysterically as a reply.

The two online friends shared everything with each other. When (y/n) broke up with their first boyfriend, they talked with Denki the entire night over voice chat. When Denki started doubting himself and his placement in UA’s hero course, the future ice hero immediately gave him a million reasons on why he was going to become a great hero.

It took Chargebolt only 3 months to realize that he had developed feelings for his online friend after sending that fateful DM. He couldn’t tell (y/n) though. No way. If he did, they would probably block him, maybe even delete their account and create a new one just to get away from him for good.

How did this happen you might ask? Well, it began when (y/n) and Denki found out they were the same age. They also both wanted to become pro-heroes, obviously. Plus, all of their interests lined up with each other. It was as if fate pulled them both together through an internet connection and an obsession with Tik Tok memes.

Snapping out of his trance, Denki realized he had been zoning out for a few minutes to recount how he met his current crush. He was so head-over-heels for a person he had only ever heard and not seen that he didn’t even check if IceStorm was online.

Doing just what his brain thought of, he clicked IceStorm’s profile in his friends list and saw what he wished to see the most. Next to a green dot read the words Status: Online, making Denki’s heart rate speed up just a bit.

Instead of waiting for more time to pass, and considering it was almost 2 AM on a Friday night, he DMed the ice maker.

itzElectric: hey.....you lowkey left me hangin in the main chat 😔

He hoped, prayed, and wished that (y/n) would respond. He wanted his partner in crime. His meme expert. His muse. He wanted another audio clip of them singing songs horribly off-key or laughing at another ridiculously stupid Tik Tok. He wanted his heart to flutter in his chest just a bit more. He wanted to feel them in person. He wanted...no, needed to video chat with (y/n).

They had known each other for a total of 8 months, and graduation was coming up for the both of them. If he could video chat with (y/n), maybe he could work up the courage and ask to meet them at the café near U.A. It had the best pastries, something that he knew they would love.

itzElectric: something up? you know you can tell me anything 

Very rarely did it take you more than a couple of seconds to respond to the blonde. It worried him. What if something had happened? What if you were doubting yourself? What if you had gotten injured? What if you were--

Suddenly, his phone vibrated. He never had picked it up faster in his life. As he looked down at the message he had just sent, he felt his face heat up slightly when he read your response.

IceStorm: nah nothing’s wrong. was someone worried about me? lol 🥴

He was so happy you couldn’t see his blushing face. However, little did he know the reason you didn’t meet him in the chat room was because you were thinking about what to say. Also, you were blushing as well.

Going to Shiketsu was a big deal, and you never wanted to get distracted. When you met itzElectric online, everything changed. You began developing feelings. It was an issue, but it was a very, very good issue. You had never seen his face. All you wanted to do was video chat with him. If you could video chat with Denki, maybe you could work up the courage and ask to meet him at the café near U.A. It had the best frappes, something that you knew he would love.

You felt your heart rate pick up when Denki responded to your previous message.

itzElectric: obviously. if you died or something, who would make me feel better about myself? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Denki began questioning his latest reply. It sounded clingy, he thought. He might as well have just dug his own grave. Who would say something like that?

IceStorm: awwww is my bb giving me a compliment 💘

Your heart soared with emotion. This man, separated by a screen, was your world. You could never have him, though. If you did, he would get freaked out. Besides, you knew he was a flirt with how many pick-up lines he got your opinion on. 

itzElectric: well.....since your online, i wanted to ask you something kinda important

Denki knew he shouldn’t be typing anything to them. He knew that this could make or break their entire relationship. In a couple minutes, he might be blasting The One That Got Away by Katy Perry and crying. Despite this, he waited for (y/n)’s reply.

IceStorm: sure. what’s up?

itzElectric: i feel like we have a pretty strong connection....so can we maybe see each other

You might as well have gone into cardiac arrest. This man, the man you’ve had a crush for 4 months, just asked you to meet him. Or was it a video chat request? Maybe just pictures? You needed clarification before you freaked out even more.

IceStorm: what do you mean? like in person or....?

Denki froze. In person? YOU wanted to meet HIM in person? That did not catch him off guard. No, totally not. It punched, kicked, and threw him off guard. That wasn’t suppose to happen. He wanted to video chat then meet up with you. Could this happen out of order?

IceStorm: yo....pika? gonna answer me? 

The electric boy typed before his brain could tell him to stop what he was doing.

itzElectric: can you video chat right now?

He wanted exactly what you wanted. The months of banter over chat and stupid voice memos led up to this, but you couldn’t believe it. The two of you could never be together. Denki had to have a girlfriend or boyfriend. There’s no way a catch like him would still be single. Still, you typed your response out immediately.

IceStorm: yes

Your phone began vibrating profusely due to the incoming call. In the moment, you forgot to turn on any lights. Leaping out of your bed, you scrambled to turn on the lamp that was on your desk. You then turned on the one next to the bed. Then, you did the unthinkable: you answered the call.

When the phone stopped ringing, Denki saw you. Oh my All Might.....why didn’t he do this sooner? He was floored by your looks. You were even better than perfect. Your face held a soft expression that made him turn almost as red as a tomato. Your hair complemented the irises of your eyes beautifully. It was as if you weren’t even human. You were just an angel visiting him for a brief moment.

You were seeing him in the same light. His blonde hair and bright yellow eyes made a fire ignite in your heart. He held a goofy grin, one you had imagined many nights before falling asleep. However, you were very far off. His entire persona was fixated in that grin. It was absolutely phenomenal.

“Hi,” you started, letting out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding.

“Hey,” he responded.

Denki was speechless. You were enamored. This was everything you both wanted.

“So,” you began, “should I call you Denki or itzElectric?”

“Whatever you want.”

Denki wasn’t using his brain anymore. It was as if he short-circuited himself without using his quirk. He was responding to everything you said from his heart. It was all out of love for you.

You giggled a bit, bringing the electricity user back to his senses.

“Why all of this suddenly?” you questioned.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Really?”

“No. I,” Denki paused and inhaled, “I needed to see you. To hear you. To just be with you.”

Your face became flushed as if you had been training for the past 5 hours. The guy you had fallen so hard for needed to see you? He wasn’t acting flirty or overly comedic. He was peaceful and had a glint in his eye. Could it be--?

“D-dude! You can’t just s-say things like that,” you stammered in the best voice possible.

Denki was whipped for you. He glanced at the clock and realized it was 2:18. He needed to be up at 7 for a morning run with Kirishima. He’s run on no sleep before from talking to you all night, but tomorrow was going to be a strenuous training day. He had to get everything off of his chest.

“Listen,” Denki said, “(y/n), I really--”

“N-no. Just w-wait a minute,” you cut in.

Two very different emotions coursed through you both. You felt a sense of purpose, bordering on the edge of extreme shyness. Denki felt nervous, bile already threatening his throat.

“I like you,” you stated.

His eyes grew the size of dinner plates. You did not just say that. He just had too much caffeine before bed. Wait, he didn’t have anything with caffeine before bed. 

“L-like as m-more than a friend. You’re really cool, and I want to see you,” you ended.

When you realized he hadn’t said anything, you panicked. Trying to cover up your embarrassment, you just started spewing out word vomit.

“You know what? Forget I said anything. It’s clear that you are totally not ready to talk about that. I mean you probably have someone else in mind, right? I’m not the best looking. My jokes are subpar. I mean, I’m not even that confi--”

“In person?”

“Wait...what?”

“Do you want to see me in person?” Denki asked.

He was floored. The person, who he had feelings for, liked him back. For the first time in his life, the pick-up lines and corny jokes worked. He was truly himself and still got the prize: love.

“Yes,” you replied. “I really, really want to see you in person.”

“You can on one condition.”

You tilted your head, clearly confused by his statement. He chuckled at this and continued talking.

“You have to let me hold your hand.”

“What?”

“I like you too, IceStorm.”

Your online username coming out of his mouth made you smile so wide. It also could’ve been the fact that the guy you fell so hard for reciprocated your feelings.

“Want to meet at the café near your school on Sunday? At around 1?” you blurted, hoping that wouldn’t be too soon for him.

“Absolutely. Speaking of which,” he began, “I need to test out my newest pick-up line.”

You rolled your eyes, faking distaste, but on the inside, you wanted nothing more than to hear it. After all, he felt the same way about you. It was bound to make your heart soar even more now.

“Do you like coffee?” he smirked. “Because I like you a latte.”

You couldn’t help bursting out in laughter and blushing profusely. He, in turn, laughed with you and felt butterflies in his stomach. This continued for a couple of minutes before both of you could catch your breaths and refocus yourselves on the conversation.

You were ecstatic. He was elated. You actually did it. You admitted your feelings to the one guy you never thought you could have. You were everything to him. He would electrocute the whole world just for you to smile if necessary. It was as if fate had finally done its job.

Forgetting about his morning run with Kirishima, Denki started a new conversation about the latest Tik Tok he saw. You replied with your usual sarcasm to which he pretended to be mortified by your opinion.

It went on for hours. The two of you were genuinely happy. Hopefully, Denki would ask you on a date soon. Maybe, you might have to, but who knows.

Suddenly, in the midst of talking about plans after high school, a knock sounded on Denki’s door. He glanced at the clock and realized it was Kirishima.

“Be out in few!” he yelled, jumping out of bed.

He threw his phone down, which still had the call going, and got dressed at lightning speed. Once you had calmed down from laughing at his urgency, he picked up the phone and said something you’ll never forget.

“I’ll see you soon, my wonderful snowflake. Zapping out!”

[charbax]

A Conversation with Death

Long ago, Tobias Foxtrot made a gamble. Decades later, a man called Malcolm Graves makes the same bet. A spoopy Hallowing AU for TF/Graves.

A/N: Warnings for blood and injury. Title came from an American folk song of the same name. I'm particularly fond of Jen Titus ''O death' version, as I had listened to it A LOT while writing this. Yes, it's from Supernatural. No, I've never seen the show, but I know Enough to meme on it. 

Link to AO3 here!!

-

O’ Death,

Won’t you spare me over another year?

Well what is this, that I can’t see?

With icy hands, getting hold of me?

Well I am Death, none can excel,

I open the door to Heaven or Hell.

Time was difficult to parse in the Mist, but when its darkened edges started ebbing and flowing beyond the isles’ shores, he knew it was that time of the year, when the sun’s eclipse was starting, and the Mist’s power became more powerful with the waning daylight. There was nothing else to do but follow it across the seas.

As it crept over the dark waves, he can feel himself gathering, solidifying, taking form of his favoured gambler’s coat and adorned hat. His deck of cards manifested in his hand as well, the wails and screams singing sweetly between his fingertips as he twirled a card. When he finally manifested, he glanced down and saw a rowboat, missing its oars. In it was a man lying on his back with his arms slack at his sides, as if he was in a coffin, but blood bloomed on his shirt instead of flowers. The spectre only gave him a once-over – no use if the man was already gone – but before he moved on, he saw the chest rise and fine, however minutely.

Ah, so this one’s a fighter. This would make an excellent addition to his collection.

He let himself descend onto the lip of the boat and perched gracefully, not even causing the smallest of rocking. The man must’ve sensed the cold of the spirit, because he cracked open an eye to peer at the ghost. “If you’re here to take me back to jail,” He rasped. “Then you’ll have to take me back in a casket.”

Twisted Fate allowed a chuckle. "No mortal, but a worse fate befalls you, for you are in the Black Mists of Shadow Isles."

"Reckoned normal fog doesn't look this dark and menacing." He drawled back.

"Still so full of spark. You're taking this dying thing very well."

A grimaced shrug. "My life can't get any weirder than talking to a ghost right now."

Oh, he liked this one. Most mortals would've started cowering in terror by now, or begging for their lives. This man, however, had grumbled and glared out at him, as if Twisted Fate had simply disturbed his drink at the bar instead of coming to claim his soul. The spectre said, "I like you mortal. What's your name?"

The man narrowed his eyes, but answered regardless, "Graves. Malcolm Graves."

"A fitting name, Malcolm Graves. Would you like to make a wager?"

Graves' brow furrowed, but his beady eyes glittered. "...what kind?"

"A game of aces. You win, you get a life of riches beyond your imagination.  I win, I get to keep your soul for eternity."  He extended a hand. "We got a deal?"

Graves eyed the hand, then T.F's face, before cautiously shaking it. "On one condition: you tell me your name."

Fair enough. "I am Twisted Fate now." He pulled back, helping Graves to sit up. Wisps of glowing light left their palms, the residue vitality fading into the night like fireflies. It wasn't enough to save him, no, just enough that he could breathe and play without doubling over in pain. It showed on Graves' face when he sat upright proper with only minimal wincing. Twisted Fate sat down on the opposite bench and set out his cards between them, souls crying out ever so sweetly. A taste of Graves' doom.

"So," Twisted Fate started. "Feelin' lucky?"

-

"Feeling lucky?"

Tobias Foxtrot shivered - he was only allowed a small raft and the clothes on his back when he was exiled, which was no match for the autumn sea's turbulent  winds. Gooseflesh rippled along his skin, but at least, trying to comfort himself, it was from the cold night, and not from the apparition in front of him, holding out a pack of cards. Tobias took them with forced languidness. "I've got shuffling rights, I presume?"

The spectre nodded. Tobias' nimble fingers made quick work of the deck before he dealt them out, grinning with bravado he didn't feel.

-

"You do this for every man you run into?" Graves muttered, breaking the silence.

It had been an interesting few minutes since the cards had been dealt and they looked at their respective hands. A few quiet minutes too, only with minimal grunting or hums from either of them. Plenty of staring though, as Fate eyed over the man currently frowning at the set of cards. He was rough, beard and moustache grown uncontempt, but Fate assumed it had once been groomed into something magnificent, once upon a time. His clothes were in disarray as well, bloodstains aside. Simple and grey. Prison-clothes.

Anyways, he should be saying yes, when there's a soul to add to his growing collection. "Only for the handsome ones." Was what he said instead.

Graves glared from behind his fan of cards. "Did any of them win?"

"Now where would be the fun in telling you that?"

Graves drew a card and laid it down. "That only tells me that no-one did."

T.F hummed thoughtfully and decided to indulge. "No, there have been people. Rare occurrences, but occurrences nonetheless."

Graves frowned at that, his jaw grinding as if chewing an invisible cigar. Thinking tic or frustration tic?  Fate leaned on his open palm, smirking when he saw Graves' eyes follow the movement. "How do you like your odds?"

"Now," Graves started, one side of his impressive moustache twitching up. "Where would be the fun in telling you that?"

-

This was still winneable, Tobias thought to himself. Not desperately, of course, lest it show on his face.

The first card was a like start of a bad omen, or the first card in a terrible tarot spread. None of his cards, hidden or otherwise, would win him this round. With a sigh, he spread out his cards.

"Your hand's not looking good so far, Riverchild?" His opponent said.

Tobias scowled at both the offending cards and at the spectre. He hadn't been welcomed back to the river in years. "I don't take kindly to that title. I'm not one, not anymore."

"There's a story behind that I'd imagine."

"There is. Doesn't mean I'm mighty wanting to retell it."

A whisper of laughter, in the wind or from the ghost sitting opposite of him? "Then what would you like to be referred to as then?"

Tobias looked at him in the ghastly, sunken, eyes. "The man who outplayed death."

-

It was close now - Twisted Fate can feel the Black Mist starting its ebb back to the Isles' moors. That, and their scores were currently neck to neck, down to the last hand of the last round. Twisted Fate didn't have much time left before the Harrowing was over. Amazing, that hours seemed to have flown by like seconds, interspersed with quips and jabs, each one more lighter than the last. By the end, they have been grinning like old friends, or perhaps, partners in the cahoots, and an idea was forming in T.F's mind, as solid and sharp as the card hidden in his sleeve.

For now, he hid his smirk behind his fan of cards. "So it comes down to this then. Y'trust your hand?"

Graves' eyes met his own straight on. "As much as you trust your own."

The fog watches, a shapeless audience, humming with excitement. At the exact same time, they laid down their cards.

Twisted Fate's smirk fell off his face as he stared not one, but two aces, one on each side. He and Graves glanced at each other in righteous surprise.

"I'd say one of us is a right scoundrel." Twisted Fate said, but his voice held no accusation, only mirth.

Suddenly, Graves' arm shot forward, gripping T.F's arm. The ace slipped out of the card sharp's sleeve before he could catch himself.

"Ha!" Graves said with triumph. "You're a cheat!"

With deft fingers, Fate pulled into Graves' sleeve to pull out an offending card. "Takes one to know one then."

They stared at each other in a silent contest of wills, their faces close enough for their breaths to mingle in the cold air. The fog grew even thicker around them in anticipation, like the captive spectators leaning forwards in their seats to see who would throw the first punch. There was no sound except for the lapping of water against the boat.

Then T.F tossed his head back and laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed.

When it finally died down, Graves was looking at him in curious suspicion.

"No-one's ever tried to out-trick the trickster." Twisted Fate wheezed out.  He was still grinning. "So I suppose we both won. I get to keep your soul,"

"Now wait a minute-"

"And you get your wealth."

Graves' bushy eyebrows knitted together oh so lovely as he frowned. "I'm not getting it."

"Oh, you will eventually." Twisted Fate said. He pulled Graves closer again, slipping his ace from his sleeve.

Then with it, he neatly sliced Graves' throat.

He didn't even make it hurt like he normally would - he gently laid Graves down as the man gurgled out blood and indignation, cradling his head like a lover's. Graves managed to look angry even as the life bled of him, as if he was simply annoyed about the situation rather than fearful, and Fate simply smiled back at him. As the light faded from Graves' dark eyes, emerald-coloured wisp floated from his lips, curling around the bloodied card, glowing intently for a moment, before fading into a dull shine. Fate grinned down at it, then tucked it into his vest's breast pocket.

The night was almost over. He could feel it in the way the fog rolled back towards the the Black Isles, the inevitable pull on every particle like a thousand strings, the way the other beings of the Harrowing howled their way back home. Just like them, he twirled a different card now between his fingers, spinning it faster and faster, until the air threatened to snap underneath the pressure.

And then he was gone.

-

Tobias stared at the other ace, a perfect copy down to the wear and tear on the fraying edges. The waters were still now, as smooth as glass, and the fog was glancing off it like smoke. Tobias didn't even dare to breathe as he watched for the spectre's  reaction.

He might be worse than dead.

The ghost continued staring at the twin Aces as Tobias continued holding his breath. Then, the spectre spoke,

"It seems that we have both won and lost."

Tobias gulped. The apparition ignored it. "I'm a man of my word," He continued. "You'll get your riches well enough."

Tobias frowned. "At the cost of my life? Doesn't sound worth it, if I'm not alive to enjoy them."

"There's  a different type of riches than you know of, mortal." The  phantom grinned and raised his scythe. "And you will have all of time to know them."

-

He was getting better at telling when it was the Harrowing time. He was faster at solidifying himself this time, managing to complete his form just as the moon peeked over the horizon on the seas. His pack of cards flicked themselves over his fingers, more reassuring than any rosary beads, as he watched, and waited.

Soon enough, another form materialised next to him. It may have been a year, but it would take much longer for him to forget that furry frown when the other spirit formed next to him.

"Damned cold here." Graves grumbled. He chose to wear a nice, thick serape, in a deep red. He fiddled with his cigar, lighting it, and it shone like a beacon in the dark. "Is it like this every year?"

"Stick around and find out." Twisted Fate answered back. Already, he could feel the edges of the mist creeping over the waves, further than last year's. T.F made to follow them, then turned around to face the other apparition. "You comin'?"

Graves shrugged. "Got nothin' better to do than scam a few mortals of their lives, do I?"

"It's always better with a partner in crime." Twisted Fate smirked, extending his hand. After a moment, Graves grinned at him and took it. And together they made their way to the unfortunates lost in the Black Mist.

Because after all, what was more valuable than a soul?

-

The old, the young, the rich or poor All alike to me you know. No wealth, no land, no silver no gold Nothing satisfies me but your soul.

O, Death, Won't you spare me over til another year?

[yourusualfangirlstuff]

Just a little something to share. Hi, I'm YouFa

I've always liked to write, either fanfiction or just stories in general... And I wanted to try something, it's been a while since I've been on Tumblr. So, here we go:

This little angst/fluff one-shot is called: "Off wherever you want to go" ft. you and your comfort character.

"Oh well, this is the last box." You said with a tint of sadness in your voice. You were almost away from home, moving out since a small job request, had been handed to you weeks ago.

Your job involved doing what you loved the most, it just wasn't a chance you could let go. Yet, as much as you wanted to stay hyped up, you couldn't much.

You just missed them. A lot.

The last time you knew about them, you gave them the news about moving away, they seemed relaxed about it, but after that, they were gone. And hadn't heard about them, for a while now.

Deep down, it upset you, but it couldn't distract you from what your main goal was: Getting on the top. Being the #1.

The van you had hired for the moving, was already full with your stuff and the kind old man —the driver—, was just as happy as you.

"Ready to go, young one?" he asked in his raspy voice. You were looking at the end of your street, still expecting for them to show up and stopping you from going. You sighed, looked at the wrinkled one, nodding.

You got in the passenger side and him, behind the wheel, strapping on his seat belt. Your family was waving at you, and you couldn't help, but tear it a little.

The vehicle started, and off you were, to the greatest adventure of your life... Alone... It made you sigh through your nostrils, slouching on the seat.

"What is in your mind, young lad?" he asked. You turned to them, with your eyebrows raised and looking to the front once again.

"Oh, well, it's nothing, sir. Just... Remembering things." you replied and smiled sadly at them.

He chuckled and shook his head. "It's for someone, isn't it?"

Your cheeks flared up and you looked away.

"Nah. Someone? No, sir. At all" you tried to lie, but he patted your shoulder.

"Love gets us all, sometimes. It did with me, and my loved one" he replied. He searched quickly in his pocket and pulled out an infantile-sized picture of him and his partner, handing it to you.

"It's adorable. I like it" you said and held the picture between your index and thumb.

Suddenly, the man passed over a street bump, making you drop the tiny photo.

"Oh shoot. Sorry" you said and since you didn't have your seat belt, you simply bent over to pick it up.

You ran your fingers through the van's rug, to look for the man's little photo and with no warning, the vehicle stopped, making you crash your forehead against the dashboard.

You groaned in pain and rubbed your head, turning rather confused at him.

"I am terribly sorry! It's just that this wacko stepped in the middle of the road!" he angrily yelled, and peeked his head outside the window.

He honked several times and you turned your head to the weirdo... You knew that weirdo. It was your weirdo.

They were standing there, with a very worried look, as if they were about to cry.

You got off the car and walked towards them, pissed off.

"What in the heck are you doing!? We almost ran over you!" you frowned at them. The action, made your head twirl and hurt. You just pressed your hand against your forehead, still trying to rub away the pain.

"Are you alright? What happened?" they asked, very worried. Their hands were approaching your face when you moved them off, in a swift movement.

"Don't. Please, don't" you coldly said and they were taken aback since you'd never treated them like that.

"Where were you?" you asked. They opened up their mouth and closed it up, again.

"Look, I know I was away for a while-" "A while!? Just a while?!" you cut them off. They gulped at this, they'd never seen you this angry.

"You were gone long enough to make me miss you and even cry for you! You were just... Gone! No calls, no messages, nothing!" you expressed it all, your hands doing motions.

Their lips thinned up and they were thinking their words carefully, still not saying anything.

"Well?" you crossed your arms over your chest, your brow still furrowed.

"I... I'm thinking" they replied and you scoffed, turning away, and walking back to the transportation.

"Wait wait-!" they said and you turned back to them, with a raised eyebrow.

"I just... Don't know what to tell you" they mumbled.

"How about the truth? Why were you gone so long? Where were you?" you asked and they sighed in defeat.

"I was gone, because... Aside from getting upset about seeing you go, I also pulled some string around... So I could be with you." they explained.

"I... Don't get it. What do you mean?" you tilted your head.

"I want to be with you. Here or anywhere... But just us. You and I." they approached you and grabbed your hands, squeezing them.

Your face was puzzled in confusion. They chuckled and pulled you closer.

"I think we can be together... If you want to, in the same space," they mumbled and pressed their forehead against yours.

"Of course I want to. It'd be wonderful" you whispered back and looked at them in the eyes.

"Then, let's do it. Let's stay here, and have a new life" and with that said, your face dropped and you walked back.

"Wait... Here? At hometown?" you asked and they nodded.

"... I can't," you said and their face dropped as well.

"Why not?" they asked and you bit your lip.

"I got my dream job. Waiting for me, across the state. I'd have told you earlier but..." you shrugged.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I... I'm so sorry." they replied and you just approached them, patting their shoulder.

"I don't understand your reasons, but... Whatever it was, I'm glad I saw you, one last time." you smiled and walked away, once again.

You got in the passenger seat again, and the man looked at both of you, with a sad expression.

They were struggling with either stopping you or letting you go. They ran to your side's window and tapped on it, startling you a little. You rolled it down and rested on the edge with your elbows.

"Where are you going to be, then?" they asked, gripping one of your hands. You squeezed it back and kissed it.

"Remember that pretty place I always talked you about? The house I've always wanted to have? I got it. And, you're very welcome, if you ever want to pass by" you smiled at them and they gave you a sad smile.

You wished you could take them with you, but you knew what they had to do and what you had to do. Each of you, on your own business.

They wanted to stay at hometown and you wanted to explore the around, more... Nothing wrong with that, but sure felt a little bit alone.

And off you were...

Three months later

It had been a while after your moving and you were doing just fine in your new workplace. A couple of friends were made but you couldn't help but think about them... Smile, laugh, eyes... Just everything.

You did talk through the phone or messages, sending eachother memes and ressuring messages, but it just wasn't the same.

You were almost out of work and you were very tired. It had been a long day but it was all worth it, for the payment.

You recieved a text message from them.

"Hey, are you almost out?" you smiled at your phone

"Yeah, I'm crossing outside righ now." you texted as you walked out the building.

And you froze when you looked up at your phone. They were right there. You blinked a couple of times and approached slowly.

"What...? How?" you stuttered out and they hugged you tightly. You hugged them back and inhaled slowly, exhaling and getting their scent in your nostrils.

"I moved here, as well, right up the street. Now we can lunch and be together, more often. You keep doing your job and I keep doing mine" they said and pulled away from the hug.

You caressed their face with both of your hands and they kissed them, each. They squeezed their hands against yours and it made you laugh a little, couple of happy tears streaming down.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving." they said and you nodded in agreement.

"Where at?" you asked.

"Off wherever you want to be at. With you, it's great." they replied and you grabbed one of their hands, locking your fingers together, and looked where to get some lunch.

[monstaxdirtywonk]

Love Syndrome

Member : Wonho X reader

Genre : Fuff, some angst, some smut

Synopsis : A girl obsessed with Neurology takes an experiment on dating Hoseok, who has no idea this is a joke to her. Her experiment will turn against her when she’ll actually start falling in love...

 You weren't like the other girls. Maybe this will turn out to be one of those memes online but no, you truly meant it. As a kid, you despised dolls and castles, pink and unicorns. You showed a great interest in mechanics, cars (mostly destroying them and notice their parts), puzzles and balls. Truth be told, you were proud of yourself and how independent you grew to be. Your friends were crying every once in a while for that hottie blondie who broke up with them, while you did your best at comforting them. Relationships were an unnecessary drama, one you did not want to take part in. You’re fine the way you are! An academic career is in front of you, traveling the world and finally, being what you always wanted...a woman of logic, of sense, of credibility. No drama, no annoying clingy boyfriends, no crying sessions. No. No. No. You know what's best in life and that’s what’s your way. 

Your friend Val was over for support. There’s been a month since she broke up with the ex and still can’t let go. After hours of fake sentimentalism, you’ve had enough.

“You know what...I’ve got the perfect solution for you.”

Val raised her teary eyes and looked curiously to your side.

“You can get a dog! Yes that’s perfect, I should’ve thought about it sooner,

“okay thank you for trying to make me laugh but it’s not helping.”

“This isn’t a joke. it’s a real solution and a much more practical one than me just telling you sweet nonsense of ‘comfort’. Dogs, when in contact with humans, release a chemical in our brain called oxytocin, just like when you are with your partner. Instead of having the side effects and ups and downs of a relationship, a dog is much more devoted and drama free. Boom, you’ve got double win.”

“I swear sometimes I feel like you’re Sheldon from Big Bang theory in a female form.”

“Thank you for that compliment but I am not as good as the flawless mastermind Sheldon himself is.”

“You know what, Ima leave before we fight, the least thing I’m looking for is this.”

“Okay fine but think about it.”

You said as you made your way to the door along her. Val grinned and left without a second word. I mean you were right, even you thought of adopting a cute poodle. It’s much better than ‘adopting’ a boyfriend. Plus dogs are always happy when they see you. Maybe a dog is a good idea.

You checked the watch and it hit you.

“Damn, I’m late!” you exclaimed and took your purse heading out of the door.

----

‘When in love, you experience a rush of hormones to the brain — including oxytocin, the “love hormone,” the “pleasure hormone” dopamine, and sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone. ‘

You aren’t the type to believe in coincidences but if they exist, this can’t be one. Out of all those subjects, did they have to talk about love’s effect on the brain today? Unbelievable. But interesting at the same time, no wonder everyone’s so invested in this called ‘dating culture’.  

“Y/N, we’ll be in the cafeteria downstairs. Don’t be too late.”

“I won’t I promise.”

The proffessor looked at you intensely. You noticed and moved your head upwards.

“Actually I’ll close the class! Sorry about that but I have my lunch break.”

“Ah totally. I’m so sorry Mr.Jones for ‘eating your time away’” You laughed at your own pun and he did too.  

You slow-run to the exit and the moment you reached the door, you collided with someone and your books fell to the floor.

“Oh I’m sorry I can’t believe I’m so careless at times.” his voice, a sweet sound contrary to his muscular physique.

“No, it’s my mistake actually. I wasn’t looking straight, per usual.” he laughed and colected your books.

“I mean, you didn’t have to.”

“It’s the least I can do for bumbing into you like that. My Hulk self should be a little more careful since I might knock out someone.”

You laughed genuinely after a long time. He noiticed and smiled in satisfaction.

“So, you’re studying Neurology?”

“Ugh? Ah yes I do! It’s very interesting. Some might find it boring but it’s so exciting to learn about the wonder our body, our mind is.”

He was staring at you in awe. Probably thinking of you as a terrible nerd. Judging by his looks, he seemed the gym guy, totally off your valley.

‘I’m sorry. It gets boring for some.”

“No. Not at all. I admire those that are so passionate with what they’re doing. I would just like to add something more to your sentence.”

“...and what’s that?”

“the wonder our body, mind and soul is.”

Normally you’d think of it as lame. Actually it was cheesy but he is a pleasant surprise. It was unfair to judge him based on his looks after all.

“I guess.” you answered semi-sure.

“Now you might excuse me but I gotta go. It was nice talking to you.”

“Bye” you waved cringing at the silly child-like act.

----

The library was surprisingly empty for a uni with so many students. You took advantage and went there to study further for your upcoming exams. Suddenly a voice interrupted your train of thought and you were this close to cursing.

“Hey!” someone shout out in excitment, earning himself agressive shhs from the few students sitting there. He murmured a sorry and came your way. It was the guy that bumbed into you a couple of days before.  

“Hey” you answered as quietely as possible.

“So..” he said obviously nervous by his hand movements and red tint on his cheeks.

“I forgot to tell you my name and that was rude, wasn’t it?”

You didn’t answer because it wasn’t rude.

“I’m Hoseok.” he extended his arm for a hand shake.

You felt his pulse rising to dangerous vibrations. He was nervous for sure. Maybe you’re reading into it too much...

“Nice to meet you Hoseok, I’m Y/N.”

“You know I feel sorry to interrupt you but I’d like to offer you a drink, as a way to apologize.”

“You don’t have to! It wasn’t anything disastrous.”

“Is that a no?” he asked with puppy eyes, eager for an answer. You didn’t want to let him down, plus he seemed like a nice guy.

“You know what, let’s go but I’ll pay for my drink.”

“I insist.” you smiled at his stubborness.  

----

“So..” Hoseok said while stirring his coffee.  

“yees..” you answered looking back at him with curious eyes.

“I was thinking...if you’d like us to grab a snack/drink from time to time.”

You nodded hapily. You wanted a new friend especially when it’s someone as good and funny as Hoseok.

“Ah yes totally! I’d love to be your friend. You’re so funny and all!.” you replied and touch his arm playfully.

Hoseok sighed and his face seemed a bit dissapointed.

“Oh so you view me as a friend?”

“Yes...isn’t that what you wanted too?”

He moved closer and took your hand in his. It was a brave move and even tho his eyes were uncertain, his body language said otherwise.

“I mean, actually dating. You and me, more than friends.” he said and left your hand, letting you to decide on your own.

This came out of nowhere. You weren’t expecting this to be said so fast but here he is, right in front of you, asking. Hoseok had every charateristic a girl would want. Funny,smart and what seems like high levels of testosterone judging by his muscular body and prominant jawline. But, you didn’t know if this was enough. Relationships aren’t for you and you don’t  want to take time off your studies. You don’t even have feelings for him in the first place. You don’t have feelings for anyone, they are pointless attempts of nature to make you birth offsprings and save the specie from dissapearing.  

He studied your face for any expression that might suggest your answer but there was none. You were lost in those rapid thoughts and didn’t know what to do. When you finally came out of it and saw his pleading expression you shouted out

“YES” you bought your hand in front of your lips to shush yourself.

Hoseok smiled the brighest and most beautiful smile you’ve ever seen. His eyes were sparkling in hapiness and felt relieved to hear you, his cheeks rosy again. His beauty made you forget, the horror you just said. Did you just said...yes? How can you do such a thing? You don’t even have feelings for him. 

You sighed and he noticed.

“Don’t feel pressured. We will take things as slowly as you want them to be.”

Little did he know that wasn’t it.  

“Ah thank you Hoseok for being so understanding. Now I gotta go because … I gotta go. See you later.”

“Talk to you later” he said

“Oh and I forgot, can I have your phone you know...”

Typical couple things  

«Yes» you said and wrote your number down.

----

“What do I do when we walk side by side?”

You asked Val while holding a notebook in your lap, making small marks to study later.

“Just be natural! Don’t study for a date too”

“How can I be natural? I’ve got no idea what’s up with all this dating thing you guys do like it’s breathing or something. I will watch Netflix series once you’ll leave, those stupid crybaby ones, to find out more.”

“Ugh, okay you hold his hand too? maybe?”

“hold..his..hand..too..” you repeated while writing it down. It’s not that hard after all, unless he takes things further which he said won’t be happening.

“Now you can leave or you can leave because I’ve got very important things to do.”

“Very important aka watching Netflix.”

“Exactly” you nodded while laughing.

“okay I’m not gonna stay any longer either you know...i’m prone to crying.”

“Yes I know plus your PMS makes things even worse, I mean it’s normal you know with all those chemical and hormonal imbal...”

the sudden sound caught you off guard, Val really didn’t seem like the type that wanted to learn. You sighed loudly and moved to the couch. You truly made a mess. You didn’t want to hurt him with saying no, but if you say no now, it’ll hurt him even more. It’d be best if he didn’t have feelings but according to his body language and days he’s been exposed to your pherormones, he is in and deep. It might be beneficial tho, it’s not the most humanatarian idea but you can make the best out of a bad situation. Maybe, if you live through a relationship, you’ll be able to grasp why it means so much to others. An experiment.

It won’t hurt anyone, right?

[krizaland]

Do you think in your Zimvoid story that our zim has a random picture of his s/o in his pak and is looking at it a lot. Like he is under the impression he might not ever see his s/o again. (the sad talk from all the other zims arent helping either.)

How delightfully angsty Anon! You just made me cry gave me inspiration for a chapter 2!

Bring some tissues and strap in! We’re going on another feels trip! I apologize for any sadness this chapter may bring you!

Be warned: There’s spoilers for the Invader Zim comics ahead!

First Chapter

Protip: If you listen to a funny song (like a meme song such as: All Star or even circus music) while reading angst then it helps halt the tears. 

Meanwhile, your Zim had just climbed the ranks in the arena.

“Congratulations, 2170, you’re the new 2165. You can look forward to your new assignment, Mold Scraper” 500 sighed as he changed the number on your Zim’s collar.

“What?! No! Is that better than sewage unclogger?” Your Zim huffed.

“Very slightly”

“Unacceptable! I demand something better!” You Zim snapped as he pointed to the sky.

“Well if you really want to participate in more fights..” 500 pulled out his book of Zim opponents and flipped through the pages.

“As many as it takes! It’ll be a cakewalk! No Zim walks cakes better than I! You hear?!” You Zim declared as he shook his fist at the sky.

“Just point me in the way of the mes I need to destroy!” Your Zim’s voice dripped with venom as a sinister grin spread across his face.

“Alright, let me chose your next opponent. Just wait here for a bit.” 500 groaned as he gestured to an empty seat in the waiting area.

Your Zim promptly took his seat and let out a sigh. While he would never admit it, he was starting to get tired.

“Why am I even doing this? Everyone knows that I’m the superior Zim! And what’s with all of this talk of ‘things’. This Zim needs no pathetic ‘thing’! These battles are a waste of my time!” Your Zim thought to himself.

Suddenly his mind reminded him of something you once said to him when he was feeling down:

“Sometimes, we have to do things we don’t want to do. Does it suck? Yeah. But can you do it? Absolutely. Zim, you’re the best at everything you do! Go out there and show them who’s boss!”

Your Zim chuckled as he straightened up a bit. He opened his PAK and a small gadget popped out and displayed a hologram of you.

It wasn’t just any hologram of you. It was his personal favorite hologram of you.

In the hologram, you were wearing your fanciest formal attire for the Skool dance. You looked so lovely that evening. Your Zim let out a dreamy sigh as he remembered that night:

“Thanks for coming with me, Zim.” You smiled as you held Zim’s hand.

“It’s of no trouble, Sweet Y/N! I’d like learn more about these human ‘dances’” Your Zim explained as he followed you inside the Skool.

You gently lead your Zim to the lunchroom. The lunchroom was poorly decorated in half assed streamers and poorly edited posters that read: “Danse”.  The smell of mold and expired milk still lingered in the air but your Zim didn’t care.

All he could focus on was the feeling of your hand intertwined with his.

“Seriously, Y/N?! I can’t believe you brought that alien monster to the dance! He probably wants to plant a bomb or something!”

Dib’s whining woke your Zim from his thoughts.

“Dib, he’s not a monster. Zim and I are just here to dance and have a good time.” You huffed as you shot Dib a glare.

“Yeah! So go wallow in your lonely existence somewhere else, Dib-Stink!” Your Zim added.

“Zim! Don’t stoop to his level!” You scolded as you shot your Zim a glare.

“I don’t get it! What do you even see in him?! He’s an alien! An evil monster that wants to destroy mankind! How can you stand there and call him your boyfriend?!” Dib ranted as he gestured to Zim.

“Dib, there’s more to Zim than you think. He’s not evil and has given up on destroying the Earth like a year ago.” You huffed.

“Do you honestly believe he’s changed?! How gullible can you be?! Why don’t you -”

“I’m not going to argue with you, Dib! Leave us alone!” You interjected.

“Gah! Why do you love him?! There’s so many better people out there! You could do so much better!” Dib insisted.

“C’mon, Zim let’s go find somewhere else to dance.” You growled as you gently lead your Zim away from Dib.

Your Zim let you lead him away from Dib but stuck his worm like tongue at him while you weren’t looking.

“You should be dancing with me…” Dib trailed off as he hung his head in defeat.

“You’d think after you apologized said you’ve changed that Dib would leave you be.” You grumbled as you sat down at one of the open lunch tables.

“Oh let’s not let the Dib monkey rain all over our perfect dance!” Zim mused as he sat beside you.

“Heh. I guess you’re right, about that.” You giggled.

“Attention, students! It’s time for the obligatory slow dance! Find yourself a partner or suffer in your bone crushing loneliness!” The DJ announced.

“Slow Dance? Are they going to bring out a time warper and slow down the flow of time?!” Your Zim squealed as his eyes lit up.

“I wish! But no. A slow dance is where they play a really mushy love song and you’re supposed to dance all slow to it.” You chuckled.

“Oh. I liked the time warp idea better.” Your Zim pouted.

“Yeah, me too. Wanna slow dance anyway?” You offered as you got up.

“Sure, why not?” Your Zim chirped as he joined you.

You gently took your Zim’s hand and lead him to the dance floor.

Upon observing how the other students were dancing, Your Zim activated his spider legs and gently put his hands around your waist.

You giggled as put your hands on his shoulders.

Your Zim was very nervous but the soft look in your eyes put him at ease.

Soon the music began and all your Zim could focus on was you.  

Your Zim followed your gentle movements. His hips swayed with yours and let the music take the reigns.

“Wise men say, Only fools rush in.  

But I can’t help falling in love with you.”

You mouthed the words as you gazed into Zim’s eyes.

“Shall I stay? Would it be a sin? Oh if I can’t help

Falling in love with you.”

There may have not been a time warper nearby but time still felt like it was slowing down none the less.

“Like a river flows, slowly to the sea. Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be”

Suddenly the other students seemed to melt away. It soon it felt as if you and your Zim were the only ones in the room.

“Take my hand, take my whole life too. Oh for I can’t help,

Falling in love with you”

Your Zim gazed deeply into your E/C eyes. They looked as if they twinkled with stardust.

“Like a river flows, slowly to the sea, darling so it goes,

Somethings are meant to be”

Your Zim never thought he’d ever feel anything like affection in his life. He used to think affection was for the weak but all of that changed once he met you.

“Oh take my hand, take my whole life too. Oh for I can’t help

Falling in love with you”

Your Zim never expected a human to be on his list of the most beautiful things he’d ever seen but there you were.

Your Zim had travelled throughout the universe and had seen his fair share of beautiful things but you? You surpassed every single one of those things. It so was more than just your physical appearance as well.

You were strong, intelligent, and most importantly,

You were open minded.

You never judged nor made fun of him. You always gave him the respect he so rightfully deserved! You were the only one who understood his incredible genius! You were perfect in every way.

“Oh for I can’t help

Falling in love with you” You and your Zim’s voices melted together as you gently pressed you’re foreheads together.

The moment the song ended, your Zim’s instincts kicked in.

Without a second thought, he removed his hands from around your waist.

He cupped your face and pulled you into a passionate kiss.

It wasn’t just any kiss, however. It was a first kiss. For the both of you.

Your eyes were wide for a moment before slowly closing as you let your Zim explore every inch of your mouth.

Your tongue playfully wrestled with his as he let out a few muffled chirps and purrs.

“Hey! Excuse me!”

The sound 500’s tired voice brought your Zim back to reality.

“Huh? Gah!” Your Zim yelped as he realized he was kissing your hologram.

“You should probably put that away. You’re never gonna see them again.” 500 sighed as he gestured to your hologram.

“Nonsense! Of course I’ll see my sweet Y/N again!” Your Zim insisted as he shut off the hologram.

“That’s what every Zim says” 500 groaned as a few tears begun to trickle down his cheeks.

“And your point is?”

“My point is that you’re stuck here forever. No Zim has ever successfully left the Zimvoid. You might as well forget that your Y/N, heck, any Y/N even existed. Trust me, keeping those memories around just makes things worse than they already are.” 500 explained as a few more tears streamed down his face.

“No! You lie! YOU LIE!” Your Zim screeched as a few tears of his own begun to form in his eyes.

“That’s what every Zim says.” 500 shook his head as he dried his tears.

“I will leave this filthy planet! I will leave this planet and see my sweet Y/N again IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO!!” Your Zim roared as a few tears dripped down his cheeks.

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I’ve heard it all before. Here. I’ve found your next opponent. Come with me please.” 500 groaned as he lead your Zim back to the arena.

“Very well! GIVE ME YOUR WORST!”

Next

[nureyevsbf]

first ten for carlisle :3c

i literally almost cried MULTIPLE times while writing this let’s GO

tw for mild internalized homophobia in question 7

sorry if you’re just some rando looking for twilight content who comes across this bc of all the fuckin keywords in it

otp question meme

1. Who is the most affectionate?

does it even count if i say both??? like i have lovey dovey bitch disease and im extremely affectionate but like. carlisle. carlisle who was lonely and heartbroken and crushed by self-loathing for years. carlisle who was touch starved for decades and would probably cry if he was physically capable the first time i touched him lovingly. carlisle who thought he was a monster and damned to hell who finally has someone - someone who's hunted monsters like him before and yet sees this beauty in him and loves him with their whole heart - that looks at him like he put the stars in the sky himself and who loves every part of him and insists he's more human than any of them. that carlisle?????? look me in the fuckin eyes and tell me he wouldn't b the softest most affectionate full-of-love motherfucker on the planet.

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

im the big spoon just bc i Always am and Am Never the little spoon, but a lot of time i'll sleep on his chest while he sits up doing whatever (since, like, doesnt need to sleep and shit)

3. Most common argument?

hmm. i don't think we would argue very much?? we probably don't argue at all until the other cullens start coming along, and it's more... how to correctly handle them. like specifically in new moon i would Definitely be against packing up and moving out just bc edward's being weird and fucking emo and that would definitely turn into...one of the few heated arguments we ever have.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

carlisle really likes cooking, even though he can't eat any of it himself, so he enjoys helping me in the kitchen when i make food. he also likes being with me when i sleep - be it curling up with me and resting his eyes or reading while i sleep on his chest or whatever.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

i think i've answered this before and said it would probably b an even split but. yeah normally it'd b me due to who i am as a person so u would Think. but like. he MORE than has the strength for it and definitely loves to just. sweep me off my feet, literally, when the moment calls for it tbh

also, given vampires r like. Basically stone. i think it's very difficult for me to lift him in my human form.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

ive definitely answered this one before but. for me, my favorite physical feature is his voice and his eyes. like of course All of him is breathtaking but those two things specifically get my ass. but my favorite non-physical feature - and yes i know i wind up saying this of a Lot of my f/os, im pretty sure this is just my type - is his heart. like....he's such an inherently good person and his desire to do good runs so deep that that's the thing that was amplified when he was turned - he literally is the only cullen who has never taken a human life bc his gift is literally to be able to resist THE most quintessential part of being a vampire. and i RLLY fuckign love that abt him.

he i think also likes my eyes??? there's nothing special abt them like his my eyes are just rlly pretty like irl hjdfghdfjg. he also really just...loves the fact that i'm flesh and blood. like he relishes in my warmth and my heartbeat and the fact that i'm living and it's just made better by the fact that i'm not mortal. like he can still have a partner who's all these things and whose life he can cherish w/o having to deal with me eventually falling victim to this mortal coil that doesn't affect him (and i mean - both of us are not invulnerable but at least it's like. time that's never going to do us part.)

but then as far as non-physical features go, he likes.....ok this is very broad and i do have to explain all the shit that falls under this umbrella. but he likes my sense of good. i'm a deeply, deeply loyal person, and have this very strong sense of morals and a code of honor, and i'm naturally very selfless and giving, and these r all things that made him fall in love w me in the first place.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

oh this is so so emo and im so sorry for how sad this is abt to get. this is one of the parts that almost made me cry and not bc of how soft it is.

for me it's not too bad i just am very obvious abt how attached to him i am and wanna spend more time w him and really like latch onto him once i realize ive caught feelings. like that's just how i am in general.

but w carlisle. it's so hard for him to deal with. like it's just massive fucking turmoil for him. this affection and adoration he feels and is dying to express but this horrible guilt and his self-hatred getting amplified - like, again, he hates himself and what he is and he thinks he's this awful monster even if he's never hurt a human being and is actively trying to help people by studying medicine, and then there's me who he sees the world in and who he knows has distaste for his kind (bc again has actively hunted his kind) and he's just hit with all this shit like. he's not good enough for me, what if i find out abt the way he feels abt me and i'm disgusted by him, what if i leave and don't want to travel with him anymore. could he take that kind of heartbreak, could he take being alone again, could he take being left because of what a wretched thing he is? (there's also probably. religious panic :\\ im sure like coming to terms w being bi/mlm is NOT easy for him, son of a preacher, and im sure that's a part of it.)

he reacts to this whole fucking chaos of emotions in him by withdrawing a lot, i think? getting quieter and distancing himself from me - he's not even really meaning to, he wants to be near me but it hurts so much he just does it on instinct. which turns around and hurts him more, and hurts me in the process, so really this initial weird period of painful ass angsty pining just hurts us both, like, way more than necessary

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

i have Not ultimately though up anything since i was last asked this :pensive: so i think i have to just come to terms w the fact that i don't think we would give each other nicknames. not even shortened versions of our names (outside of me w eli but i literally just go by that normally.) pet names, yes, absolutely; it'd be my standard ones - dear, baby, doll, honey, sometimes love/my love, and if i Really wanna be over-the-top half-facetiously sappy and gross sometimes i'll say "my darling dearest." w him it's darling, dear, love/my love, and his gross over-the-top cheesy bullshit is 100% genuine and absolutely NOT facetious even a LITTLE bit and it DOES fluster the shit out of me when he does super gay ass shit like call me "my heart" or "my light in the dark" or whatever other sappy ass BULLSHIT

9. Who worries the most?

this one i know i've answered before. and like, it's him.... i think he just has a lot to worry abt. im fleshy and kinda vulnerable and that scares him - i think he worries a lot too abt like. what if the nature of our relationship makes me a target. esp with the volturi, who like have it in their rules that vampires are not to associate w werewolves, and that's not what i am but would they be willing to listen to that? especially if aro reads my mind and realizes i've killed their kind before?? the family probably keeps it under wraps tbh, hides me from the volturi, but that's not really a perfect solution. it's probably not till the end of breaking dawn when the volturi agrees to honor the treaties/relationship w the pack that they feel like i'm safe.

he also just worries abt little shit too!! like i can and do get hurt in ways they don't even if it's NOT a big deal. cut myself cooking (which to clarify. my blood isn't an issue bc it smells like shit to them. i think that might have been confirmed for the pack too but. i smell like dog it's Not appealing) or twist my ankle doing some dumbass shit or whatever. and i heal much faster than humans so this shit isn't a problem!! and the rational doctor in him is like this is a very small injury it's really NOT an issue. but the husband in him is like ))))): i don't want him to be hurting

and it just kind of results in him hovering nervously and fussing over me when he RLLY doesnt need to be

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

w us it's not exactly a big deal given carlisle can't exactly eat out at restraurants lol. he does remember my favorite restaurants in every town we go to and my takeout order and regularly brings food home for me on his way back from work, though.

[thebachelordiaries]

“Sage Advice And Sage Vaginas:” The Bachelorette Premiere Recap

We are officially back! It feels good to be back. I’ve missed being excited on Mondays. I’ve missed my little Twitter family. I’ve missed the memes and the endless sh*t talking. But most of all, I’ve missed seeing the man who I consider my second father: Chris Harrison.

Now let’s just jump right into it. 

The episode begins with Becca crying while looking at pictures of her and Arie. I don’t know how producers got her to cry, but I’m pretty sure Becca has now realized just how lucky she is to have been dumped by Arie. 

She’s done crying. Now it’s time for Becca to pick her head up and live out her new destiny as The Bachelorette.

As the wise artist Ariana Grande one said.

Ain't got no tears left to cry So I'm pickin' it up, pickin' it up I'm lovin', I'm livin', I'm pickin' it up

She’s now The Bachelorette, and women ledes always have the most success with choosing the right partner. As JoJo said later on in the episode, 

“One hundred percent, women are more intuitive and know what they want.” 

Can I get a hell yeah for the superior gender?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, can psychologists do a case study on a woman’s intuition? And if it’s already been done, please slide the scholarly article into my DMs. Thank you in advance.

Look at this Minnesotean snow princess. I am shook.

Can you imagine having such a compelling storyline from being dumped by your fiance for someone else that producers just skim over the fact that your father died of a brain tumor and your mother has battled cancer? This girl has been through too much. If she doesn’t find happiness, all of Bachelor Nation will revolt. And I will be leading the way.

Becca wants a man who is as loyal and loving as her dad was to her mom. She deserves this and nothing less. Can we find this woman a man? Let’s do the damn thing.

(That is the first and last time I will ever say that phrase.)

Becca also has a sister and a corgi nephew, who made a very subtle appearance in the premiere episode. However, it must not go unnoticed.

Follow this little loaf of bread on Instagram: max_in_madison

Becca is then magically transported from Minnesota to LA, where she is seen driving a convertible along the coast of the Pacific. 

At the Bachelor Mansion, she gets some sage advice from the last three Bachelorettes: Rachel, JoJo and Kaitlyn. 

Rachel lit up some sage to get rid of the “bad juju” in the mansion.

"I’m going to sage your pu**y.” -Rachel

This was the first time the people giving advice were actually still in Bachelor-related relationships. It’s like The Bachelorette is becoming more successful with time. I approve. 

What I didn’t approve of was that Kaitlyn got no airtime. 

Hello, 911? I’d like to report that Kaitlyn Bristowe was ROBBED of airtime during The Bachelorette premiere. 

Video Intros

Every season ABC selectively chooses which men we should get to know in their video package intros. We met seven men. That seems like a lot, but here’s what I learned.

Clay— He’s not a regular jock. He’s a sensitive jock.

Garrett—He did a Chris Farley impression without explicitly stating he was doing one, which probably confused 95 percent of all viewers, including myself. Garrett likes doing outdoors stuff. The rest of his personality is hot air. This is everything you could ever want or need to know about Garrett.

Jordan— He has a unique (re: dumb) way of describing things, but I’m grateful for him because he’s going to be entertaining us for about 60 percent of the season in his ITMs. 

Lincoln— I take back whatever I said about him being attractive for having an accent. Listening to his voice has made me iron deficient. Brb, going to go chew on some ice now.

Joe— Joe owns a grocery store, a million-watt smile and a heart of gold. I’m in love.

Jean Blanc— He low-key shaded Trump by saying Haiti is not a “sh*t h*le.” He also has an obsession with smelling things and spending lots of money on material items. He seems ok.

Colton— I’m suspicious of Colton. He’s too ready-made for The Bachelorette: he’s handsome, athletic, loves his dog, owns a nonprofit, allegedly a virgin. Where are his flaws?

I spoke too soon. What in Chris Harrison’s name is he wearing?

Top Limo Entrances 

Leo released his beautiful curly mane to Becca with the line of “let’s let our hair down.” First thing Becca said to him were the words every male suitor wants to hear from a woman: “You have hair like my sister!”

She’s not wrong, though.

Nick came out the limo in a racecar driver suit, clearly making an Arie reference. He asked “what kind of a**hole wears something like this?” and ripped off the outfit to reveal his perfectly tailored suit. I know people were saying it’s in poor taste to bring up Becca’s ex, but I found it hilarious. I thought I was going to dislike Nick because he looks like a huge tool, but it turns out I have a giant crush on him BECAUSE he looks like a huge tool. Nick is the kind of guy you date because you secretly want to emotionally punish yourself. I’m ready for you to ruin my life, Nick. You know where you can find me.

Trent energetically (which is ironic in itself) jumped out the back of a hearse with the line of “Oh my god Becca. When I found out you were The Bachelorette, I literally died.” He was possibly the most “alive” person to ever come out of a hearse.

Garrett pulled up in a minivan with all the equipment necessary for “soccer dad duties.” Producers really are trying to give him an edge. He would be one of the more loved guys this season because of editing if it wasn’t for his giant Instagram fuck up.

Bachelor Mansion Highlights and Lowlights

The Highs

Christon, a former Harlem Globetrotter, jumped over Becca while dunking a basketball. And he did so with all the other guys watching. 

I enjoyed this angle because you get to see the large amount of cameras used during filming. 

Jake getting sent home. I CALLED IT in my “first impressions” review, that him and Becca have probably already met, further proving my theory that attractive people in the same city all know each other. Becca said her and Jake were “acquaintances” and met on “several occasions,” but Jake was unsure if she would remember him since they only met once, alluding to the fact that he may live the majority of his life in a blackout drunk state. As a way to convince Becca to change her mind and keep him around, he said he had a “very transformative year,” whatever that means. Becca was having NONE. OF. IT. and sent his ass home back to Minneapolis. The Bachelorette probably wasn’t for him anyway, especially since production has implemented an alcohol limit.

Blake and Becca had a pretty deep conversation for night one. Blake talked about how his last serious relationship ending abruptly. He said, “If I was able to love the wrong person that much, how much would I be able to love the right person?” Every female on Earth, including Becca agreed with this Tumblr-worthy quote. However, Blake was scammed out of a First Impression Rose by Garrett, who drove up in a minivan and taught Becca how to flyfish in the Bachelor Mansion pool. Blake, you got the First Impression Rose in my eyes, you adorable sweetheart, you.

Jordan’s presence was just an entire highlight reel. As Kaitlyn Bristowe said on her podcast, he has “Jordan-isms.” Some of my favorite ones were:

“People are already going home on the first night.”

“If I don’t get a rose tonight, it would be the biggest upset of all time.”

And in general, him just being offended by everyone’s outfits.

Follow me on Twittter, @thebachdiaries 

The Lows

David/ “Chicken Guy.” I just wasn’t a fan. Dressing up in a costume and saying “Be-CAW” isn’t a personality trait. Also, he looks like the real-life version of the Instagram filter that makes your mouth appear too big for your face.

“Wrong Reasons Police” Chris. Speaking of being creeped out. Chris is the new Iggy of this season: unlikeable, doesn’t belong here, won’t go away and loves to snitch. He’s the “wrong reasons” police, but I can’t really picture someone who takes selfies looking like Derek Zoolander being here for the right reasons. Also his recently-changed Instagram name used to be c_dome, which just creeps me out. If you don’t know what “dome” means, Urban Dictionary is your friend.

The newly implemented alcohol limit was a big lowlight for me. Where were the drunk guys jumping into the pools? We’re going to need someone who says and does stupid things without any sort of inhibitor. Oh wait, we have Jordan. I’m pretty certain he was sober on the first night as he briefly mentioned that Chicken Guy almost got “feathers in his coffee.” Oh the ol’ days of drunken contestants will be missed. Forever in our hearts.

Rose Ceremony

All I need to say here is that Grocery Bae Joe from Chicago went home and the internet has never been more upset about a contestant being sent home night one. He already has about 45K followers on Instagram. If ABC doesn’t bring him to paradise, I will immediately sell all the stock I’ve invested into their company. (Except I don’t invest or even know how to do that crap. But I would if I did because It would just be a terrible business decision to not bring Joe to Paradise.)

Some Takeaways

I can tell Garret and Blake are going to go pretty far based on night one. Based on the season preview, it appears Jason and Colton will go far as well. That literally just might be the final four. However, I don’t follow spoilers, so don’t be that person who tells me what happens. 

I also have a feeling Lincoln might be this season’s villain. Only time will tell how that will play out.

Speaking of Colton, he is allegedly a virgin. However, virginity is a social construct, so anyone can be a virgin if they really believe in themselves. I mean, this franchise has created the most famous fake virgin of all time: Sean Lowe. So sure, Colton’s a virgin.

[allcatsaregreyt]

Sollux Captor - Today at 4:47 AM

[TA began trolling CA!] @Eri Ampora TA: hey, i know you really don't want to talk to me right now, and reflecting on everything, i can't say i blame you in the fucking slightest. TA: you don't have to respond to me TA: but TA: uh TA: please dont block me yet TA: because there's a lot a want to tell you and itll take a few messages to do it TA: afterwards ill leave you alone

Eri Ampora - Today at 4:49 AM

[There's no response. But there's no idle message.]

Sollux Captor - Today at 5:59 AM

TA: when i met you, you were just this fun guy who memed the appropriate amount to be unserious and likeable, and you were fun to mess with too. just. a really fun person to be around. i really wanted someone like that around in my life, you know? TA: the pitch crush i gained on you should have really stayed just a crush, because outside of playful banter and memes, our relationship didn't really have much foundation. you weren't ready yet, and i wanted more out of you than you were ever willing to give me. TA: you started getting flush for me while i started getting pale for you because the more i learned about you, the more i started to pity you. the more i wanted to help you. TA: i wanted to fix you. TA: what an arrogant thought, right? TA: but i never thought of you as a project or a puzzle, i always thought of you as a person, my partner, someone hurting that i wanted to see heal. i wanted to be the one who could help you get there. TA: but, well. i'm shit with people. TA: and we both agree that you have a lot of shitty qualities too. TA: i couldn't figure out how to help, the only thing i knew that worked to get you to open up was to push you until you cracked. no one ever offered any other solutions, and it was the only thing i had to get you to talk to me. TA: that was wrong to you, and i don't think i can ever apologize enough for doing that to you. it'll never be enough. TA: i feel like i was wrong for making you be in a relationship with me to begin with. TA: i'm proud of how far you've come, of how much you've healed. TA: but trying to evaluate that pride, maybe that's wrong too. maybe i'm only proud because you did what i wanted you to do. TA: and that's disgusting too. TA: i hate people doing what i want because they don't want to bother telling me otherwise. Sollux Captor - Today at 6:00 AM TA: all this time i thought i was doing the right thing. doing right by you. i genuinely believed it. i've poured so much into trying to get you to thrive and be happy that i lost that ability for myself, and i'm realizing that it not only wasn't ever asked for, but didn't even help. TA: i wasted both of our times, all these last few months. TA: i'm still guilty about hurting you, when i was trickster. TA: i remember the whole thing. i remember that i was made to hate you. but i was so bitter even without that. TA: bitter that you kept running away because you needed to be left alone, and i wouldn't give you that. TA: i should have given up, back then. TA: when of all the things you could have chosen to forget to make your life easier, you chose me instead. TA: that i was the thing making your life so terrible, that you needed to erase me from it to find peace. TA: what did i do instead? TA: i kept pushing. TA: maybe mindfang was right about me and i do have some kind of hero complex. TA: need to be a savior. need to create the disaster. TA: and it did this to you. TA: you deserve so much more. TA: you deserve someone who can love you the right way, not poison you with "good intentions". TA: i really hope karkat can do that for you. TA: i hope that nothing happens between the two of you because of me. TA: please dont be mad at him. TA: we never really even had a real talk about breaking up. TA: just some vague ventposts. TA: i've never been more blind in my life than i have when being in a relationship with you, eri. TA: i didn't know where to go, had no one who would tell me, and you wouldn't talk. TA: i had to do trial and error and even that was hard because you wouldn't tell me if i was doing something wrong. TA: i didn't WANT to give up on you. TA: but trying to help you has eaten me to the point of crying constantly, and i just couldn't fucking do it anymore. TA: my heart can't handle it. i couldn't do it anymore. TA: but i didn't have an intention to stop being your friend, or to stop supporting you. TA: karkat said he'd keep doing what i tried to do, and hell, god knows he's doing it better than i ever did or could. TA: he said that maybe, once you'd healed, we could be together again. TA: but i knew then that it wouldn't happen, even if i could be hopeful. TA: i knew karkat and i wouldn't be enough, that's why i used my contacts to set you up with a therapist who could. TA: i hope she helps you. > There's a pause. TA: i dont know what pushed you to want to kill people in my town, i don't know how saness found you to stop you. TA: karkat and i were really, really sick when that happened. TA: i could barely walk and still i told her i'd come there if i needed to. TA: i wanted to make sure you were okay. TA: but i TA: i felt like you didnt want me there TA: that me being there would have made it all worse TA: so i didn't TA: after i found out where you were i was trying to figure out how to make things better TA: i'm fucking terrified of star but i contacted him because you two were close TA: i thought maybe you two could stay together TA: so that saness wouldnt have to keep you prisoner TA: but then star told me that you two fell out TA: and i didnt know any other options TA: i wanted to talk to you so badly TA: i wanted to understand what was happening TA: i was at school when shit hit the fan and i asked saness again if i could go there TA: because there wasnt another way to you TA: and i was so fucking scared eri TA: i couldnt lose you TA: i couldnt lose another moirail TA: i didnt want anyone doing anything they would regret TA: and i didnt have any fucking answers to suggest anything TA: i heard you were going to that prince guy TA: nadire? TA: and he was kind to karkat TA: so i thought youd be safe there TA: and im glad you went TA: and fuck i've already said so much but there's still so much i want you to know TA: i'm sorry about everything that's happened with saness TA: i'm sorry i pushed you so hard TA: i'm sorry i couldn't be a good kismesis TA: or moirail TA: or matesprit TA: fuck i haven't even been a good friend to you. TA: i'm never going to regret meeting you, or loving you. TA: i'm never going to regret kissing you, or forget anything that the stuffed wolf stood for. TA: did you know i got the scarf its wearing from star TA: star told me not to tell you that but i dont think im going to talk to you again TA: star was the one who hired me to check up on you while you were still living with me too TA: i wasnt supposed to say that either but it doesnt matter anymore TA: you deserve to know all the things i didnt tell you or couldnt tell you or wouldnt tell you TA: ive appreciated all the time weve spent together TA: theres been so much trouble but theres been so much good too TA: i miss you TA: i miss holding your hand TA: im not going to live all that long compared to you but TA: youre someone im always going to think about TA: no ones ever going to replace you eri TA: so what if theres people with your name TA: so what if im dating one TA: hes not you TA: and hell never be you TA: hes got your voice but ive never heard you in his words TA: youre sweet and kind and troubled and so so gentle and TA: not replaced TA: im sorry i just realized you wouldnt care for any of this TA: im sorry ive guilted you so much TA: im sorry ive pushed you TA: im sorry i broke promises TA: im sorry ive hurt you TA: im sorry ive forced you TA: im sorry ive cornered you TA: im sorry for all the things i cant name TA: i blocked you because i thought youd be better off without me still trying to engage this awful friendship TA: and im going to want to every time i see you TA: because just seeing your username on the dash makes me smile TA: just like it did months ago TA: even after everything thats happened TA: thinking about you makes me smile eri TA: and it still will TA: im not going to go to your lighthouse anymore TA: im having a transportalizer put into the hole so i dont have to cross your property to get into it TA: and its far enough away that it shouldnt be a bother for you TA: ill stay out of sight so you dont have to see me at all TA: and if its still not good enough ill abandon it and dig out elsewhere TA: but i can't leave it because the bees need cared for TA: and im sorry for getting mad TA: at this point i dont have a right to be angry TA: i took your tag as an invitation and broke in TA: and hell thats probably what you were baiting me for TA: because youre fucking smart and im just a shitty lowblood that happens to know how to hack TA: i'm not going to say im sorry for being in your life TA: you would have died TA: and i dont know maybe you would have preferred that TA: but ive been grateful for the extended time ive gotten with you TA: but i dont think ive helped you at all since the start TA: just gave you a few laughs but ultimately ive only hurt you TA: and i dont even think youre still reading at this point ive sent a lot TA: youll probably block me before you finish because its annoying TA: so its probably safe to say this by now TA: before we cut this off forever TA: i want to see you one more time TA: i want to give you a hug TA: and i want to say goodbye TA: because youre a real person TA: and you deserve a proper seperation instead of everything happening over text [TA ceased trolling CA!]

Eri Ampora - Today at 6:05 AM

CA: i don't think i could look you in the eye wwithout feelin' sick. don't come to see me.[CA ceased trolling TA!][CA has blocked TA!]

[thedegenerateasexual]

i’m liveblogging chapters 2-7 (they’re short chapters, i don’t wanna make too many posts, but this one is actually super long, so whatever) of let’s talk about love under the cut - i started on my main, but there’s too much sex stuff in it to keep going there (sigh) so i’m moving it over here. i should have just done it here to begin with, smh. (bolding still mine)

After five days of awkwardly inching around each other in their room, [Margot] had told Alice she wanted a “clean break” right before she finished moving out. Didn’t even want to be friends anymore because asexuality was unnatural.

(Okay, so maybe Margot didn’t say that exactly, but that’s how it felt.)

hey, margot can get fucked, this is how people wind up internalizing some serious bullshit

Moschoula had tanned skin, the kind of color that implied she was most likely mixed rather than white, with kinky, natural burnt-orange hair pulled up into a bun on the top of her head.

Cutie Code: Yellow, no question about it.

An intense obsession with aesthetics had taken Alice by surprise in high school and she had begun to code her reactions. She had created Alice’s Cutie Code™, complete with a color wheel for easy categorizations—from Green to Red, with all the colors in between.

HTIS IS SO CUTE this is not unlike Asexual Bingo what a universal Ace Mood™ to make up internal little categorizations like this (also moschoula sounds like a babe)

[Alice] had met Moschoula and her friends during a Pride rally at school. She was the only girl in that group who didn’t snub Alice for being bi.

HEY AND THERE’S ANOTHER THING bi people get so much bullshit for being bi so even tho she isn’t out as ace the fact that she’s biromantic still puts her in a place where she’s less likely to feel welcome in queer spaces like if she got snubbed for that no wonder she doesn’t wanna come out as ace

It had all been Margot’s idea. She had kissed Alice first. She had convinced her to date. She had wanted this, wanted her. And Alice had fallen for it and Margot and everything they were and could be. She had believed in Margot and their relationship. Had thought herself to death about it, and each night it resurrected itself in her dreams. Margot made her want this specific brand of happiness. Made her believe she could have it.

Feeling stupid didn’t even cover it.

i feel like I’M the one sitting in a coffeeshop and crying my eyes out 

How could Margot say something like that?

What made sex so integral that people couldn’t separate the emotional love they felt from one physical act?

Love shouldn’t hinge solely on exposing your physical body to another person. Love was intangible. Universal. It was whatever someone wanted it to be and should be respected as such. For Alice, it was staying up late and talking about nothing and everything and anything because you didn’t want to sleep—you’d miss them too much. It was catching yourself smiling at them because wow, how does this person exist?? before they caught you. It was the intimacy of shared secrets. The comfort of unconditional acceptance. It was a confidence in knowing no matter what happened that person would always be there for you.

If Alice couldn’t even tell Margot she was asexual, then no, she hadn’t been in love.

YOU GO ALICE NO YOU WEREN’T & also she sounds like a jerk anyway

Moschoula tapped the back of Alice’s hand. “It’s good to see you smile.”

“Only for you.”

“You know my girlfriend hates it when you say things like that to me.”

“Adoration and continuous compliments are how I express my affections.” Alice rolled her eyes. “And it’s not like I say it in front of her. There’s literally nothing to be jealous of.”

Moschoula sighed. “I think she just wants you to, uh, compliment her, too.”

“Oh.” Alice pursed her lips. “I thought she didn’t like me, but I think I can arrange that.”

1. is moschoula poly because that’d be rad 2. what a mood what are friends for if you can’t compliment them all the time like obviously never ever give out fake compliments but Still (also hey look at that! ace can still be affectionate to lots of people! it’s one of those base things u know objectively but like it’s so nice to see up close)

chapter 3:

she found a pic of her and margot while moving in w/ her bestie and her bestie’s bf and she’s sad and i’m sad:

She noticed Margo’s giant mound of hair before anything else about her—it was that natural sunlit blond tempered with streaks of light and dark brown that sent customers in droves to hair salons. It complemented her beautiful olive skin, soft gray eyes, and that wickedly easy smile always up for a challenge.

She was Cutie Code: Orange-Red and then she was just Margot before becoming Alice’s Margot, but now she wasn’t anything.

Because Alice was a Corpse.

Because she was unnatural and incapable of loving someone.

(God, when in the hell was this going to stop hurting?)

this shit is exactly what i mean! she even knows better than to believe it and it still hits below the belt!

omg okay so she is out to some people!! her bestie’s bf at least:

[Ryan] plucked the picture from her fingers. “It’s for your own good,” he said when she protested. “I just can’t believe she said that to you. I mean, I know you’re not lying, but she seemed so nice.”

“It’s the nice ones you have to watch out for.” She crossed her arms. “Or whatever that stupid saying is. Why can’t I find someone who loves being with me, as is, as much as I love being with them? Romantically. Am I asking for too much?”

“I say this cautiously because it’s not the only answer, but maybe try dating someone who’s ace, too.”

She scoffed. “Long-distance relationships are not my jam, and that’s probably all I’d find. The Internet is great, a lot of my friends live there, but I want a partner who’s here with me.” She flicked a white speck off a black stuffed bear before setting it down on her sliver of a desk. The thing was barely three feet wide. “I’m tired of putting myself out there,” she mumbled.

god damn what a mood

“If you need to cry, then cry, but just promise me you won’t do it in front of Feenie, please.” He glanced at the doorway before lowering his voice. “I’ve already had to talk her out of driving to Margot’s house this week. Twice.”

“But she lives in Iowa.”

“Twice,” he repeated. “You know how she gets.”

Feenie had always been (lovingly) overprotective of Alice. If she had told Feenie what Margot had actually said, Feenie would probably disappear into the night and her mug shot would be everywhere in the morning.

feenie’s a good egg. 

Back then, Alice … didn’t even know if she had wanted to date yet, but she also didn’t have any doubts about her asexuality. She had spent countless hours thinking and coming to terms with what that meant, the kind of future she wanted to have, and if that could possibly include another person.

The bottom line was her body had never shown so much as a flicker of sexual interest in anyone. But that didn’t mean she liked being alone. That didn’t mean she wasn’t lonely. That didn’t mean she didn’t want romance and didn’t want to fall in love. It didn’t mean she couldn’t love someone just as fiercely as they loved her.

this is also a mood like…i don’t know ANY ace person who hasn’t at one point had to think about this - like to so many people to be asexual is to be alone and that’s just facts. and yeah, of course it’s not true objectively, but when it’s your life and you’re looking at all those long years in your future it’s not as easy to feel so sure

omg so her parents called and her mom is apparently kind of overbearing…alicve is going to law school! her whole family is lawyers so alice must also be lawyer except she hasn’t declared her major yet

loving this parental conflict tbh like as good as the ace stuff is i love that she can be more than that

chapter 4:

ALICE IS MEME GARBAGE PASS IT ON

Cara waved back before pointing toward the table closest to the elevator.

Alice looked—her Cutie Code™ immediately shot up to Red.

(That hadn’t happened at first sight since the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last year and never in the wild.)

She stopped in front of the elevator, facing forward, and pressed the button. A curious, nervous sensation wriggled and rooted itself down inside her chest. Alice looked over her shoulder again, blinking rapidly at the person reading on his phone, completely oblivious.

Only his profile was visible. Tanned skin. Dark eyebrows. Strong chin. And a tiny curl of hair brushing against his forehead. He held his thumbnail in between his teeth, his index finger curving over his top lip, the rest of his hand curled into a loose fist. Most likely to hide his smile—whatever he was reading was making him adorably happy.

Her Cutie Code™ ticked upward until it strained against the top.

The elevator pinged. Alice shrugged off the sensation and walked inside. Turning around, she pressed the button for the fifth floor.

Just as the doors began to close, the Cutie Code: Red person in question lifted his head, looking right at Alice. She staggered backward, clutching the banister as the elevator began to ascend.

Kill Bill sirens blared in Alice’s head.

KILL BILL SIRENS LOL

also like…what a mood. every once in awhile it’s like a lightning strike. and u just have to stagger a lil bit

The elevator hummed and whirred, the floors illuminated and darkened as they were passed, and the air inside wrapped her in its warm, fake-pine smelling embrace. Same as always. Nothing had changed, magically making today the day she became moments away from suffering a massive heart attack.

Sure, she hadn’t worked out for a while (see: ever) and her diet primarily consisted of ramen noodles during lean times (see: all the time), but this was a bit overkill. Her body had, at least, a minimum of fifteen years before she had to worry about that kind of thing.

Out of the elevator and in the hall, she took a moment to catch her breath. It was a hop, skip, and a jump to the break room and she wasn’t sure if it was empty. The library didn’t have many employees, but the last thing she needed was someone to spot her and ask if she was okay.

(In her mind, she was sure she had that whole deer about to die in the headlights look going on.)

OMG ALICE GIRL CALM DOWN LOL this is so cute im gonna die

Alice blew out a huff of breath. Right, then. Time for work. The continued cute analysis would have to wait.

(Maybe he would still be downstairs.…)

(FOCUS, WOMAN!)

(Right!)

ic annot believe this

She tried to take a sly peek to see who it was and … Jesus.

(Sweet God in heaven, have mercy on her soul.)

Her Cutie Code™ blasted straight past the Red zone. If it were a pressure gauge, the glass would have cracked right down the middle.

He was gorgeous—and that was not a word Alice threw around lightly. Not just “Hi, I’m the new boy next door” gorgeous, but the kind of gorgeous that would make you slap your mama. The kind of gorgeous you’d stab your best friend of twenty years in the back, set her house on fire, and drive off into the sunset with her husband for. Have sex in the break room at work even though you know there are security cameras in there gorgeous.

As if she’d actually do any of those things.

She always laughed at characters who lost every last drop of their common sense on TV and in movies when someone too attractive for words crossed their path. If this guy was on a show, he’d be considered the kind of gorgeous that would cause midseason plot twists and act-two spinouts, leaving the viewer on the edge of their seat because their beloved characters were goners after looking into those dark brown eyes.

And he stared at her.

(Too much cute.)

(A veritable cutie-induced overload.)

There was a place for cute and every cute in its place. Whoever he was hadn’t just exceeded her scale. He had broken it.

Cutie Code: Black—the Next Generation.

It had to either be him or the heart attack had been replaced by a disorienting fever virus. This was how it happened in the movies: some poor soul (Alice) was doing great, having a perfectly normal (and punctual!) day. And then, in some innocuous way, they’d have contact with Patient Zero (him) and boom—uncontrollable sweating, fever, chills, hemorrhaging, and then … death.

This wouldn’t kill her (possibly), but she had an idea what it was.

Attraction: The Final Frontier.

The Fatal-est Attraction.

Death Becomes Attraction.

im sry this was such a long excerpt but i am absolutely cackling like 1. YEP THERE IT IS LOL 2. the bolded is such a mood 3. this technically makes her gray-ace!!!!! wow i love her

so he’s working at the library with her and the rest of this chapter is her showing him how to clock in and using as few words as possible bc she’s wigging out and like forgot how to talk like a normal human being. lowkey he keeps grinning at her so i think he’s got her number

also, he has blue hair. wonderful

chapter 5:

“Why are you crying? What happened?” Feenie’s concerned face filled the screen on Alice’s phone.

OMG HONEY PLEASE UR GONNA BE OKAY i can’t believe this i want to hug her that’s the first line of chapter five

BACKSTORY TIME:

In elementary school, while all of Alice’s friends had talked about boys they liked, she had kept quiet.

In middle school, she had pretended to have a crush on Patrick Furlong so she would have someone to talk about, too.

(This was where she had begun to perfect the art of playing along.)

In high school, Alice had gone all out, pretending to be hopelessly in love with Sam Oliphant. She had damn near snatched the this love is our destiny crown right off Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald Crane Winthrop’s head.

oh damn mood lmao i spent so much time in school pretending to have crushes on boys 

But this had been where Alice messed up. Turned out, Sam had a thing for Alice, too. A different kind of thing, but a thing nonetheless.

He had asked her out. She had to say yes.

Oh No

Alice had been trying to sort out the difference between romantic attraction (which she felt) and sexual attraction (which she didn’t). By the end of their first week together, she knew for a fact that she didn’t even want to be Sam’s friend anymore. He was an awful human being. A human-shaped garbage fire. A waste of space and genetic material.

But finally, finally, she fit in perfectly with her friends.

(Peer pressure was a helluva drug.)

ARE YOU KIDDING THIS EXACT SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME LOL (he STROKED my arm and SNAPPED my bra stap, WITHOUT permission, IN the hallway while EVERYONE was changing classes)

the reason i didn’t break up with him wasn’t because of peer pressure (i didn’t really have many friends) because i didn’t want to be mean and hurt his feelings (looking back: bananas, but he had like…….bought me presents), but then he kissed another girl in the cafeteria so i was free to shove a mean locker in his letter and never speak to him again, thank the good lord

Normal felt like a constant state of despair, but they had stopped teasing her. Had stopped giving her pitying looks, calling her “innocent” and excluding her from sleepovers because she had nothing romantic to gossip about.

Fast-forward six months, she’s dumped with a new nickname. The Corpse. Because kissing him had been an ordeal to overcome. Because she never seemed interested in touching him (see: jacking him off). Because she had just lay there while Sam had sex with her, and he had told everyone.

lmao im gonna start crying again wow. wow. she hated him and still let him & he did her like that. okay. this is fine. i want to fly out there & kill him

Whenever Alice thought about that time, two things stuck out:

One—Francine Loren’s mock whisper in the locker room: “I heard she didn’t moan. Not even when he went down on her.”

Two—the curiously soft sound of Feenie’s fist connecting with Francine’s face layered with the instantaneous crunch of bone cracking.

FEENIE IS A GOOD EGG AND I LOVE HER what teenage me wouldn’t have given for someone to punch a particular person in the face for me

Feenie standing up for her gave Alice the courage to tell her friend the truth. She had confessed she thought something might be wrong, so one day, after health class, they had talked to their teacher, who then said the word: asexual.

man…………………….look………..as much as i bitch and whine about a lot of ace media (see: fic, there is no ace media) being like This Person Is Asexual Here Is A Vocabulary Lesson college 101 course type stuff…can you FUCKIGN imagine if a health teacher could just tell you this shit? my health teachers werent even allowed to talk about gay people, or orgasms - one time when someone asked how you know sex is over the reply was “it’s over when the man ejaculates” - imagine if you could just go to someone and get told there was nothing wrong with you! 

like alice dealt with this for SIX MONTHS and let someone she hated touch her body and that is HORRIBLE enough right there, but like i hear of stories of 60-year-olds with kids realizing that shit about themselves, & like…not to get personal! (about to get personal) i was with someone who was, uh, really horrible, for YEARS, & he was giving me all that rhetoric margot was spewing on the daily 

& it took SO MUCH internet reading to figure it out and even when i did i was like, no, no, i’m demi, i can be attracted to him because i love him, & while part of that was bc i was afraid of making him angry (horrible! he was horrible) another part of me was because i was SO SURE (going back to what they talked about in the first chapter) that if i couldn’t enjoy sex w/ him i couldn’t love him. (so was he!) like….i figured out what i was and it felt right as in correct but not right as in good. my IMMEDIATE kneejerk reaction was “no god not this i cannot be this there has to be some way to make myself not this”

anyway sorry that sure was a textwall of unnecessary bullshit i’m so relieved no one will be interested enough to read this post but this book is Real & touches me deeply is all im saying

Feenie eyed her, keeping her face neutral. “And you think you’re attracted to him?”

“What else could it be? It’s not just me appreciating how cute something is like I usually do. He’s beautiful, Feenie. I almost melted into primordial soup of Alice.”

“And he’s so beautiful, you think you want to have sex with him?”

Alice fidgeted in her seat. “I’m not sure.”

Feenie gave her a withering look. “Okay, well, how did he make you feel?”

“Like I was stupid. I’m serious! Don’t look at me like that. My mind went completely blank and filled up with white noise.”

AWWW HONEY she is crying because she felt attraction & see on the other end even once you’ve finally internalized all the Good Shit™ sometimes that will happen and ur like Oh No I’m a Bad Ace I Really Was Just Broken All Along god that’s rough buddy i’m so glad she has such a good best friend

The Cutie Code™ was a fun game, but it was also a system used for critical analysis—Alice’s way of processing the different kinds of attraction everyone else seemed to experience. She only shared her system/game with those whose opinions she trusted, to see how her coding compared to theirs.

It was about feeling—the level of emotions it could evoke from her, how likely it would be to make her squee, and most important, how did her body physically respond to it.

A naked, muscular male chest was Code: Red for Feenie. Meanwhile, it was Uncodable for Alice. Over time, it expanded to include everything, and Alice had become obsessed with it.

i love that she has this way of classifying things internally and like…that it’s different for everybody like my internal way of classifying things is not at all like this but it’s all valid n shit

She needed to push it to the back of her mind, get some perspective. Tomorrow, when she got to work, everything would be the way it was before she ever laid eyes on Takumi. She’d call it a fluke, yes, a one-off event, due to her body short-circuiting from stress. It would not happen again. 

chapter 6:

Oh dear God.

She had been wrong. So very, very wrong.

lmao

The feelings, the sensations, came right back, flooding into her like they had never faded. Alice had always wondered what physical attraction would feel like, and while she didn’t necessarily dislike it, she wished there were a button she could press to turn it back off.

oh MOOD. me daily when i see Certain People: that’s enough of that allo bullshit, thanks

And she was still mystified. And attracted. Like a giant dumbstruck moth to a supernaturally beautiful bug zapper. Screaming was most definitely not in Alice’s best interests, but that didn’t stop the urge to want to do it.

alice is SO valid i love and support her

Essie was determined to crack the Cutie Code™. Once, it baffled her how a painted image of the aurora borealis could surpass her own Code: Yellow. Essie had spent a solid twenty minutes arguing how she was more attractive than some “weird, squiggly green lights in the sky.”

There’s no way Alice would admit that Takumi was Code: Black. Once she explained it, vainer-than-vain Essie might lovingly murder her.

cutie code is also valid i love that like it encompasses everything and not just people that’s such a cool look into the way that other people work - this is the kind of shit i mean when i say being ace is about more than not being attracted to other people - just like how when you’re gay you don’t do all that Straight Culture BS like saying babies have boy/girlfriends or whatever - like, being ace, it’s often a terribly lonely, isolating experience that can be full of self-loathing, but it’s a contemplative one too, and when romance is off the table (by choice or not) there can be so much joy in the other kinds of connections you make with people, anyway i absolutely love the cutie code

chapter 7:

there’s this whole long thing about her sister beign like CALL ME and alice being like LMAO NO which is also a mood

omg and then while shes waitin on her bus takumi sits down next to her

“Do you want a ride?”

A ride. In his car. Alone.

Good God.

She shook her head.

“Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

“I’m fine. All the time. I mean, I take the bus. All the time.” She gave herself a mental high five for forming actual words.

this is the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

“Are,” Takumi began slowly, “you okay?”

“I’m fine. Why?”

“You seem kind of”—he moved farther down the seat away from her, eyes concerned—“tense.”

girl i know

“Still not feeling talkative, huh?” he teased.

“It’s your fault,” she blurted, making him laugh.

“Is that right?” He tilted his head to the side, smiling while biting his bottom lip.

A severe hot flash ripped through her, level: wildfire. It started in her head and scorched its way downward until it singed the coral pink nail polish off her toes. It may have been due to embarrassment or possibly desire (???), because, at that moment, they felt eerily similar to her.

desire (???) is the BIGGEST ace mood

She knew that look.

The Look. The one a person used when they tried to figure out if they liked what they saw enough to date. Not even a month ago, she wished people would stop giving her that look so she wouldn’t ever have to explain about being asexual. Did she want Takumi to find her attractive? She wasn’t sure, because what if he did? What if he asked her out?

What if, what if, what if?

Why, why, why?

Margot’s smiling face popped into her head. A warning. This was the beginning, and regardless of what happened with Takumi in the middle, everything would end with that one word. He’d want to know. She’d have to explain.

OH NOOOOOO this is so sad like………yeah obviously you’re gonna stop bothering lmao when you already know how it will end. garbage! that’s garbage! 

anyway With That i unfortunately have to sleep it’s 6am 

but this is the best book EVER

[leonbastralle]

Malmine’s Day Out In Berry World (And More) - Replies

i could absolutely get used to this, also sorry for the wall of text but i think read more works on mobile now?

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I HAVE THE BEST WIFE HA HA HA!!!!! ALSO FOOD!”

mAAAAAAARR STOP BEING SUCH A HUGE NERD

HE CANT THIS IS WHO HE IS

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM GOING TO HIRE U UR BETTER AT CAPPING THEM THAN I AM ❤️ 😭👌🏼

wtf nOOO your shots are so aesthetic i just take a billion pics and post them all but also pls hire me for anything thanks

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

YESSSS

WOOOOOOOOOO

pixeldemographics replied to your post “I heard you wanted to see a weirdo (not)”

Wow a cutie patootie with an extremely Adequate Shirt!! ❤️

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Hell. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

THEIR FIRST DIP KISS I CANT BELIEVE IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mar stop manhandling ur wife also they cant escape their origin story lmao

its gr8 man i wish i could do smth cool with art and shadows now

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

IM Dying AND LIVING SO MUCH RN THANK U THANK U THIS IS A BALM AFTER U KNOW WHAT

tHATS GOOD THATS GR8 IM FEELING V ACCOMPLISHED

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

@1st pic mar wheres that hand going mar what are u doing

pl A C E S u kno thats just how he is

man i sure lov those presidents and their impure thoughts in public places

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: Jessamine! You did great. J: Why thank you! You weren’t too bad...”

Yes YESSSSS APPRECIATE EACH OTHER JESS RUN UR HANDS ALL OVER THAT BACK

now thats a comment i could have written

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “M: I want death.”

MY DUDE ITS PART OF BEING A POLITICIAN

i KNOW I JUST HAD TO

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

theres my perfect daughter in law

:o she is man

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “after today I’ll actually gonna stop spamming sims I can’t take credit...”

who the fuck is this tho idk her lmao

your goddess thats who

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “local alien cinnamon roll still a cinnamon roll”

can i adopt her please (i dont remember if i did already or not)

u can totally adopt and/or marry her tho tbh adopting WOULD probably be better since glow would get v sad and pathi v mad if u married her...well find someone else for u to marry if youd like and its not creepy

pixeldemographics replied to your post “wcifthe eyes of blue guy that trellis talked to?”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! iM LOVING THE TAGS EYE EMOJI

tHANK YOU I WASNT SURE IF THEY WERE TOO MUCH BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME TO DO IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: Good game, Trellis! T: Man…it seems talent just can’t beat youth....”

im crying so much jess is back at it with the selfies and trellis im so proud of trellis she is so GOOD

sAME I HAV A LOT OF FEELINGS FOR BOTH OF THEM ALSO LIL JESS OUTING HERSELF ABT HER FLAME OBSESSION ONCE MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: Okay, remind me again why we HAVE to have a hot president?”

Ok trellis but......... a concept......... its gr8 he beat his meat to get here

i mean since im a troll and like to put impossible knowledge in my sims trellis has a clue or two but if it was confirmed to her i assure you she would appreciate the work that went into those biceps

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ASSSSSS

aLSO A COOL SHOT SMH

pixeldemographics replied to your post “9, 10”

;) ;) ;) im living for this potential murdering for the challenge

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) dude i might have to tell you because i wanna tell someone and you inspired this so...and for all we know i might never get to gen 8 which would mean id never finish the rainbowcy and start smth new so

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dUNKED

fun fact abt this shot: i drew half of the fuccin net because the bball always clips through it during this and i hated it so much because i loved the shot a lot

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

mAKE MOMMA PROUD

ALWAYS SHE WAS SO DAMN GOOD

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

dan trellis has some nice legs :o GO GIRL

well she got a lot of exercise but i too would lov naturally hairless legs

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

smh opal arent u supposed to support ur partner in balls

opal dont support anyone that aint sprout tbh

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “O: Woooooooooo!! Not bad, Mr President. M: Please never call me that...”

i MEAN trellis did u check those ABS and GUNS and bAD SHOULDERS OUT???

shE DID TRUST ME SHE TOOK A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME TO ACKNOWLEDGE THESE ABS AND GUNS AND BAD SHOULDERS AND MORE

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

idk what happened with that comment im dead

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “?”

cOME ON AND SMAAAAASH AND WELCOME TO THE JAM  👀  👀  👀  👀  👀

i dont know man but its beautiful

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

jfsdsfjdsfsd im crying so much im dead and im so glad mar is like..... giving nip town some much needed rep

he is man he is i need more of it but i also dont wanna b too obnoxious abt it...and also im realising the only other nip town rep on this blog will probably b snowdrifticus...

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

ill b very honest and admit that in light of recent conversations this image can have some...... er ot i c....... connotations...... which is to say...... i lov it

cATII PLS I TOOK THIS AS AN AESTHETIC INNOCENT SHOT

(but also yes. yes y e ss YE S)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

PROTECC THESE KIDS FROM THIS DISFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

ILL TRY MAN i dont think the fam is gonna b the biggest danger to them tho

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

ALSO I LOV THEIR PROFILES I LOV THEM I LOVE PULSES SASS AND U KNO HOW I FEEL ABT HER IN GENERAL (WINK WINK)

i kNO HOW U FEEL ABT HER YES I KNO JUST WELL I KNO U WANT THAT MIDDLE FINGER (im sorry the friend u ordered is broken ill get u a refund)

pixeldemographics replied to your photo “The Outlaw & The Outcast”

OK FIRST OFF THIS IS SUCH AN AMAZING AESTHETIC IM CRYING SO HARD RN

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????????? CAN U NOT YOURE AESTHETIC GOALS AND YOU CALL THIS AESTHETIC I CRY IVE BEEN APPROVED BY THE AESTHETIC QUEEN??

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

Also i cry bc if she shortens her name as usual its mar which is sea in portuguese and just adds to the whole aesthetic :’)

;____________; yE S

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *regrets challenging the boss of everything* M: Did the ball really...”

It seems like mar is not the only one who handles balls well  👀  👀  👀

i mean...there is a possibility that she does too i wouldnt know.......theres actually a possibility that they r all pretty skilled i wonder why

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset

Is that a face of....... r e g r e t

probably, trellis is competitive af and v easily gets insecure when shes not the best (aka me???)

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

But im crying and dying and thriving so hard rn u said this was the fave IT IS I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

;______________________________________________; i too am crying in retrospect and was crying

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “J: He’s so cute! T: Isn’t he? I did good. Is Martinique joining us...”

Jess would probably love to b slam dunked tbh i cant believe her

👀  👀  *halamshiral eavesdrop voice* inTERESTINGGGG pls tell me mor

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: I assume that’s a rhetorical question. I’ll browse the shops for...”

jess: wow love!!!

her face looking at shine and trellis gave me life she was probably like...mar too likes to do this...and that...i wonder if he too will still do that when were older...will he stay with me...i sure hope so

and trellis was like well if he dont u kno shine will freeze him and then ill literally kill him so i bet he dont want to risk that

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

i approve of trellis conscientious citizenship i LOV HER

sAME IM SO GLAD I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO DEVELOP THIS PART OF HER

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: *giggles* Shine, come on. I’d have thought you knew me better than...”

lmao i bet shine is picturing this in one of those top 10 anime betrayals meme

yes absolutely can u pls make a meme out of this and also everything

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “T: I’m here, darling…oh, Jess! Hi! You made it! J: Trellis! Ready for...”

cOME ON AND SLAM AND WELCOME TO THE JAM

YOU GOT IT

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Mrs Lilywhite! Is that you? What a coincidence! It’s good to see...”

dsjasdsasdajdsajsadjsad im living and dying and crying so much ANNIEEEEEEEE

aksjfbakjsbfkajbsfknajsbfaksjf already ;_;

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “S: Wait, isn’t that…”

yES YES IT IS SJSDJDJSDFFSDDSF

me watching you commenting:

pixeldemographics replied to your photoset “It’s time for a group outing on Trellis’ day off!”

i lov the sound of that warning i know ill die

same always

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

follow up question whats flames fave type of meme

flame is flame he loves every meme he IS every meme but a few selected faves would be alien guy, doge, breadsticks, ermergerd, history of...um...whatever the berry name of japan is my color page isnt working xD and dark kermit i think those are some of his faves yes

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe aur went to the gym and play with his b balls ;)

but can u rly not because i can, i too would if u hav such mighty balls u gotta give them some appreciation

pixeldemographics replied to your post “2, 6, 13, 14, 20, 29, 30!! ;)”

i cant believe ficus is surrounded by ppl who give middle fingers and trELLIS TOTALLY HAS THE FACE OF A MURDERER YES

hES SO SAFE (ALSO NOT RLY) and thank you because she absolutely considered to get in on som fango plots

pixeldemographics replied to your post “special noses (u rly vary ur shape) and fluffy lips, they always look...”

the lips mostly!! but theyre always in combo with the nose i cant describe it but yes these soft kids

;________________; i mean...i guess they are their mothers children...

[mysticalmindblog]

It is understandable that so many are quarantined and locked down now and feeling strong fear and anger about their situations, but these are destructive and debilitating things to feel and endure. There is another way to be during this crisis.

Once again, it is the theme of this article to focus on being for others what you want them to be for you.

You don't have to be a Saint, an Angel, or a Sage, to care wholeheartedly and show unconditional love and compassion; and yet to that someone in need, you may just be the Guardian Angel they have been praying for.

You basically have to go from being angry and grouchy to showing some love to those who need it. What you give comes back to you !!

This article is not about the reciprocity of 'love' in a relationship setting. However, whether you are in a reciprocal love relationship or not, this article can definitely help you to perceive other dimensions of interpersonal relationships.

Unfortunately, 'Love' is a word that is thrown around so loosely in today's 'freedom & liberation' modern society. It is the subject of meme after meme, quote after quote, and countless fables and idealized fictional scenarios. Four letters making a word that has such a generalized scope of uses and meanings for so many.

There is no point in going into a lengthy discussion of the meaning of Love in this blog article. If you type "What is love" into Google, you will be met by over 530 million linked articles/videos etc.

Love

I will however, for the sake of this blog, encapsulate my perception of the concept of Love into two words: Unbounded Compassion.

I have learned that Love can originate as a manifestation of Compassion; but please don't misunderstand - that doesn't mean I go around falling in love with the people I 'feel sorry for'. It actually hearkens back to a realization I had many years ago that changed my perception of the way I see people in general, in the world around me.

- "I find it an ongoing challenge to be compassionate in my life. I accept this, and understand it is normal. But how so..?" -

Because I am prone to being careless with my thoughts at times, and I find myself thinking selfishly and putting myself and my needs first.

At this point many would be thinking, "There's nothing wrong with that." - It is seen as part of the 'Survival of the Fittest' paradigm, and the 'Win or Lose' mentality... You know; the COMPETITIVE URGE stuff we have been sociologically programmed with, since our earliest memories. Again, please don't misunderstand - the context of this article, is to explore and understand our ongoing struggles to rise above what is deemed normal and strive to reach higher into new uncharted realms of living purposefully, mindfully, and spiritually.

As such, you will be challenged by my writings to see through your eyes; with my eyes; to share perception, and take the journey of Life together.

A Vow to the Universe

Actually, let me stop right here a minute to tell you... Yes YOU - who are reading this, that we don't know each other; and yet I feel you as I write these words, in a way that escapes vocabulary in description. I made a vow to the Universe quite some time ago that I wanted to be a voice of unconditional love and compassion with no face and no ego to all my human brothers and sisters on this amazing little planet of ours.

One planet, one species of sentient beings with the capacity to love, to laugh, to care, to cry, to hold, and to grow. We are united whether we like it or not by this time in which we share our world. We all suffer the same sufferings, we all idealize and hope for the best in all things, we all feel pain, and sadly we all feel so alone sometimes.

I hope and pray that you will stay with me through this world crisis and through my quotes/articles so we can take this quest together; and I dearly hope and pray that whatever light and love you receive through this article, through my deeply candid and intimate writings with you about the human condition - you will take and pass it on, paying it forward, like a wave of light for those suffering in lonely darkness.

Sorrows

So, it can be so challenging to feel compassion at times, especially when life can be so devastatingly painful and full of personal suffering. The self-preservation instinct invariably remains active as we strive to overcome insurmountable challenges, and odds, and situations that seem entirely detrimental to our very sanity, our very existence.

You and I both, we have faced them. We face them sometimes on a daily basis, like haunting wraiths - family dramas, mistakes we have made, and bad decisions, sometimes trying to dissolve those feelings in things that can become unacknowledged addictions, causing more deep sorrows, so much suffering, in us, and all around us, all these things can afflict and vex us to the point where we can feel emotionally numb, compassion crushed because our own morale has become so burned and damaged.

Empowerment

But what was a personal revelation for me was to comprehend that the very act of setting aside my own issues to focus attention on the issues of someone else that I saw who needed care, attention, guidance, and protection - not only relieved my own pain response to personal suffering through my own challenges, but provoked an internal empowerment that said "Yes, I can..! I can make a difference, I can be a light for someone else even if everything has gone to crap in my own life".

Suffering

Curiously enough, by helping to deal with the problems of another through a heart of compassion I was able to change my perspective on my own issues. I learned not only that so many around me are going through the most intense and insane forms of suffering, many of those sufferings are of a type that are truly dark and shameful to the ones suffering - and very common it is that they are actually victims of the evils of others. I have cried many times from the very pit of my stomach, (you know what I mean, right? The type of uncontrollable grief-stricken crying that wracks your entire body from head to toe) while doing my best to be out of the sight of those who I have attempted to help because, it's not pity we want... - Us suffering humans; it's simple love, a kind smile, a soul warming hug, it's simple compassion, it's simple partnering, a safety net, a mechanism to share our pain in an unobtrusive way.

It is very rewarding, and very fulfilling, to make yourself available to someone who you see is suffering, especially when you are suffering yourself. I promise you.

So that's what I meant with this quote. If it is your friend, and they are suffering, be compassionate and make their dramas and challenges your own - even if it is to sit and listen, and empathize. Be that guardian angel who becomes a mirror of reflection. Very often, if we are able to vent and talk about our problems, we can actually come up with our own solutions. It's a cognitive process that's part of oral communication, on an emotional level. If it is your partner, child, grandparent - or a complete stranger - STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE, and stop thinking of yourself, and be the very best compassionate sentient being you CAN BE, to that one who is suffering and in need. You will rapidly see how your own life, your own troubles and challenges, will either become easier to solve, or just simply fade away, no longer important.

In this perfect storm of a global pandemic and global lockdown - this is a perfect form of Unconditional Love - when carried out with your full, mindful self.

If I was to rank the importance of coming to a higher understanding, and practice, of Unbounded Compassion, I would have to say it is the number One most important aspiration you should look to achieve. It will lead you into an understanding of yourself, and people, and the world around you, that will catapult you into a journey of self-discovery you can never turn your back on. You will begin to see how your life, and the lives of others can be so much more fulfilled, and warm, and beautiful, and peaceful, and productive. You will feel like you have suddenly come into possession of the greatest secret gift in existence.

And in a way, you will.

Think about the following...

Compassion is and was at the center of the lives of so many important and influential figures, some are worshiped, or celebrated, or revered, still today, even aside from such as Buddha, or Jesus, there are Mahatma Gandhi, Swami Vivekananda, John Wesley, St. Francis of Assisi, Guru Arjan, Mother Teresa, John Calvin, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, and of course the current Dalai Lama, who said that "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

I created this quote, so that what I had found to be true, could be established almost as a *mantra to self.

[scarletpan-moved]

All the aesthetic asks

Meme Mentioned: @little-mx-rayne // @kotafrost // @lukeriolc // @paladin-in-red // @jiminy-krispies

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

... I was in Captain D’s, and Pink came on the radio in there, and I was singing to myself under my breath while waiting on my food.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

Am I going to be okay? 

It’s a general question, I know, but it’s all I need to know. If I could have the reassurance that, no matter what fucking hell I go through, I’ll be okay? I’d be 100% better off.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Living to today. I think, when you’ve had a tough life, you’ve considered doing things that you shouldn’t, that living past that, living in spite of that, that’s a damn good accomplishment. And living to a point where I have days where I am happy? That’s pretty damn good too. 

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

When I hear happy memory, there is two things that come to mind. 

One: This past summer, going to Michigan, walking around [Town Name Redacted] with my partner. Seeing the water falls, the bears, all of that... 

Two: Theater, back in high school - being back stage and just being so proud, so excited, and so damn happy. I adored that mess. 

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

If I were to die in a year, I would message people. I would message people I hate, and tell them how they made me feel. I would message past squabbles and try to set aside our differences. I would message family members and tell them how their hypocrisy hurts me. 

But would I change anything? No. I’d just be more honest. 

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Not a formal list, but there are a few things I would say I want to accomplish before I die. They rearrange occasionally, in my head, but at the moment I would say that my top three are 

- Visit Japan, or another country on my bucket list. - Meet people who have inspired me (beyond those who I admire, or those who’s work I enjoy, there are famous people who have inspired me. That list is smaller.) - Pet a sheep and/ or alpaca

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

A temper disproportionate to their height, but equal to their beauty. Protective, to the point of needing to be calmed, just as their zodiac would suggest. They are fierce, will gut you with their horns if you threaten what is theirs, but at the same time they are nurturing. When you are upset, your thought is them. When you are happy, your thought is them. No matter if it is your greatest joys, or your greatest sorrows, you want to share it with them. 

Now, that fits two people in my life, but they are equally as close, as important, and I couldn’t pick one. 

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

I think I had a childhood, which is more than many could say. I also think that childhood ended far too soon. 

I think it was okay, due to my naivety at the time. That being said, looking back on it I do not think it was a ‘good’ childhood by any means. It simply seemed that way at the time. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Does over skype count? If so, last night while I was on a call with Rayne, due to something they wrote. If that doesn’t count, then when I found out about Vegas, being I cried in front of my mother. 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

Rayne. 

I picked Rayne because they don’t grow too restless with these things. They see the cheesy romance in typical, old fashioned dates. I picked Rayne because their imagination knows no bounds, and because they are likely to see things in the stars that I cannot. I picked Rayne because we could talk for hours about the ins and outs of the universe, and never once grow bored. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

It depends on the setting. If a stranger were experiencing something I have in the past? Of course. If it were to help them, I would have no qualms. But just rando #3? No.

lace: when was your last 3 am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

My partner, Rayne, and I were on skype last night at 3 am. We were talking about our roleplay plot, I do believe it was a plot about her character being in a coma and seeing people in purgatory (think the train station in HP when Harry temporarily died) before coming to.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

I would remind my partners I love them. If I could only tell one, I would tell one and have them remind the other of the fact. I don’t know what else I could want to tell anyone. 

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

I think they are under-romanticized. I think they’re beautiful, and they hold just as much spirit, emotion, and depth as blue or green eyes. I think brown eyes are beautiful.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“Keep moving forward.” 

This has been my mantra for years, even more so since Mon/ty O/um died. Keep moving forward means the obvious, to keep moving and never give up, but also more than that. It means to always be looking at the next thing. It means not to let something get in your way, and instead move past that. It means not to move backward. It means that, once you’ve moved past something, keep going. And that’s a reminder I need.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

“An Eventful Life in Depression and Anxiety”? “Growing Up is for Chumps”? I’m not really sure

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

Hoard the fuck out of it. 

No not really. I would travel, some. I would take Rayne and Kota to cons, and buy cosplays. I would tip double at restaurants, and leave $10 in tip jars. I would buy Sta/rbucks every day. 

I would be happy.

I wouldn’t be in debt.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

No. No no no, you see I try to be forgiving. And once upon a time I was. Now days? I’m passively bitter. I don’t have the energy to stay mad, so I don’t. But I refuse to forgive people and welcome them back into my life once they’ve hurt me. Fuck that. Fuck them. 

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dear 12 y/o Kerri, 

I know things are... off this year, or they will be soon. Just know a few things. If someone loves you, then they show it. Sage may be a dumb ass, but he's right, you should listen to him. Haley has a lot on her plate, you know what's going on with her mom, don't hold her immaturity against her. She's more important than he is anyway. And I know you like Math Team, but maybe you should quit.

Also? Mom isn't trying to ruin your life. I promise, she loves you. Please, don't... be so hard on her, okay?

                            We’ll Be Okay,                                          20 y/o Kerri

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Pastel punk?? Like I enjoy both spectrum(s) of fashion, so I’m not sure.. I guess I lean more toward punk in physical style, right now at least.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I love them. There are four tattoos I want, and I would love a few more piercings as well. body mods are a wonderful path for self expression.

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Yes?? I think it’s a normal amount, but on days where I’m feeling up to it I typically wear foundation, powder, contour, eyeliner, and mascara. 

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

                    “You've got to make a choice                     If the music drowns you out                          And raise your voice      Every single time they try and shut your mouth” 

M//CR has always been a big influence and help to me throughout my life, but these lyrics always helped me. Honestly, these lyrics started my journey to speaking to be heard, instead of keeping quiet.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Fuck uhm

That’s a lot of pressure.... I guess “We are all the same, stop implementing arbitrary differences, this is what divides us.” 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I’ve only really been to a few small ones. I went to B/oys Like G//irls, but that wasn’t my choice, and then I went to Skill//et - that one was amazing. It was my first date with The Boyfriend, and honestly the memory is one of my fondest ones. 

Other than that, I saw Jeff Will//iams in concert at RT/X, and I think that was my best concert experience so far. It was pure magic, and I hope I can see him again.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

My nana saying she bought me a car and is paying for my college, instead of being a greedy old-- 

Okay no, bad. 

Uhm, honestly? I’m not sure. I suppose getting a letter saying that my college was paid for, I’m... Not sure.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a desk, but it’s a fucking mess. I have a shelving thing and some drawers on it, but they’re all a mess, honestly I need to clean it. Also cups. And pens. Cup + Pen city.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

Skype until it’s time to crash, wash my face, brush my teeth, fall down into my pillows.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

Hmn... Probably how far away I’m planning on moving. My dad probably expects it, but mom... I think she has this illusion that I’ll stay in-state forever and I really can not do that.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Mmmm I think I’d go back to purple? Or purple and blonde? Maybe purple with blonde streaks in the bangs? Or pastel purple?

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Mmmm Kota, Jacob, Rayne... And then probably Kit and Cricket? We’d probably go to the gardens or the zoo, that sounds like something we’d all enjoy!

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

I wish to be closer (physically) to Rayne, so that we can comfort one another better in times of crises. 

I wish to be better at understanding emotions, so that I can better help those around me. 

I wish for a voice acting opportunity, so that I can follow my true passion. 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

Hmm I really liked this one I had a few years ago. It was a witchy-esque dress, it had a hoop in the skirt that I took out, and then I did some soot-y makeup to go with it. 

I need to lose weight so I can wear it again...

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

Oh uhm

I think falling out of my chair while on skype with Rayne was probably the worst thing I did while high, but I can’t remember much of that night. WAIT I TOOK A TEST WHILE SOMEWHAT HIGH DOES THAT COUNT

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Mmm, I would do a lot for that much. I guess kill / hurt an innocent animal, I’m bad but I’m not that bad.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Two Faced - Shannon Taylor (it’s suck in my head)... But as for a person, I can’t pick. I gotta have Jacob, Kota, and Rayne. I can’t pick one. 

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realize you’re in love.

Yes. 

It feels like everything clicks. It feels like conversation flowing like water. It feels like opening up faster than you ever have before. It feels like thinking about them at 3 am when you can’t sleep, but also at 8 am when you wake up, and noon when you’re busy in class. It feels like discomfort when you can’t check on them, and relief when they message. It feels like a warm bubble bath, every time you hear them laugh or see them smile. It feels right.

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

I have really short hair, bitch.

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Mmmm It depends. Right now I could go for a white chocolate mocha with an extra shot of espresso, oooor a PSL. And Kota could always order for me. 

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

My own emotional progression, and my relationships (with Rayne, Jacob, and Kota). Anything else is second fiddle.