#meh thats enough tagging im tired

[bubsub69]

Entry 2

14/05/2023 22:47

Well might as well start all entries with how my sleep schedule is, i had an afternoon nap so i might not sleep enough tonight but better than being up at 4am because i tried going to sleep at like 11pm and it went horribly wrong.

Reason for writing today? well while before looking at cute couple stuff like hugging and cuddling would make me cry now a porn video that wasnt even my first time watching made me cry because the couple seemed really happy and having a good time even though the girl was probably laughing cause she ruined the dudes orgasm on his face (video: https://www.redgifs.com/watch/quaintelderlyvireo#rel=tag%3Aruined-orgasm%2Cchastity%2Ca;order=trending)

I guess i should start with yesterday, with the blessing of the folders/briefcases whatever, it was as bad as expected so at least not worse than expectations, a very late start as a lot of people expected followed by a walk a queue to sit down, a small sermon and then speeches from each course. The worst part honestly might have just been the sun, it was blazing hot and i think i got sick from it, my nose was extremely fucked last night and still kinda is. After that we went to have lunch at a crisp 3pm and the food arrived at like 4, thank god my body has a high hunger resistance or i mightve killed someone, i spent a lot of time at the restaurant but at least i got to be with my cousin so it was actually pleasant, at the end we went to the lake garden to take some pictures for some reason and then went home (the for some reason comes from the fact we already had like 40 photos on the camera alone and went to take more).

idk why i wanted to write down what happened yesterday this was supposed to be more about emotions than story but oh well who can stop an autist from rambling.

But going to aforementioned (wow that was the word whos spelling i really had to look up, why am i spellchecking a personal diary? cause fuck you i want to, anyway another autistic rambling aside) emotions, those ribbons made me feel kinda weird when i reread them cause everyone was saying congrats on the hard work and for beating this challenge but i feel like its undeserved cause its not like i put a huge amount of effort studying, i barely passed some stuff which is definetly something im not proud of but yeah i feel like i slacked off most of the year even though ive never missed classes or failed to deliver a project, i guess im just associated with the studying part of school instead of this which is better honestly, even if i get stressed like now where i have a shit ton of stuff to do and am over procastinating as usual, but yeah, a lot of good jobs for a meh performance feels kinda weird.

But enough about school heres an update on D, today is sunday which matches the same day as the day of the call so how was her availability? well she gave me a maybe and then said that apparently her visa is expiring and shes super stressed out, well that seems like something way too complex for an excuse/lie so i believe her more but yeah her moving again is definetely going to make her busy again so i guess no calls for me.

Really feeling like a piece of shit that thats all the care i can muster for it, shes like about to get formally deported and im out here complaining shes too busy for me, and the worst is i decided to get a keyholder on chaster just to satisfy me, it feels like cheating i dont know why, we had some mild texting and a call and ive already like fallen in love and feel like a traitor, but i guess im tired of waiting and it might be for the best to move on if she just wants to stay an acquaintance (well new record for biggest spelling blunder), but yeah i feel like im giving up too soon cause i really liked her and just moving on feels really bad but what can i do when she doesnt show any interest, i mean not only does she not text back she also hasnt asked anything about me, which i guess is kinda fair for most boring person in the world whos hobbies are gaming and youtube, yippy, i guess ill wait again, this time im gonna do a week of no texting to see if she ever sends me something, she will be busy with the moving so she probably wont but oh well whatcha gonna do, not like shed say yes to a call in these circumstances either, i still wish i could help her but i dont think i can just ask dad if he has a contact with the visa man to hurry her process, but i did imagine that cenario

I guess switching to a different type of emotion to put some variety in this yesterday i fucked up the gamepads usb port out of anger but i think i tricked my parents by saying i saved the computer from falling, and on other hardware problem news theres a screw that i think broke the plastic around it so know the case keeps disconnecting from the rest. This was a shitty story but at least its not all about being sad and lonely

Well a bit of a blunder of an ending but oh well heres entry two, if the lady i messaged to be my keyholder replies the update will be here:

[demonboyhalo]

TECHNO???

We have it in our power to begin the world over again. A situation, similar to the present, hath not happened since the days of Noah until now. The birthday of a new world is at hand, and a race of men, perhaps as numerous as all Europe contains, are to receive their portion of freedom from the events of a few months. The reflection is awful, and in this point of view, how trifling, how ridiculous, do the little paltry cavilings of a few weak or interested men appear, when weighed against the business of a world.

[kerfufflies]

one o those get 2 kno me thangs

(im tired but lets do this!)

tagged by the lovely @ella-animine!

rule #1: tag people you want to get to know better

@ everyone and anyone because i want 2 know u

rule #2: highlight true statements in bold

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses (ah yes the bane of my existence)

I have at least one tattoo 

I have at least one piercing (ears, no choice in the matter  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

I have blonde hair 

I have or have had braces (im suffering)

I love meeting new people (meh,, i dont even know how to start a conversation,,)

People tell me I’m funny

Helping people with their problems is a big priority to me (yall are important to me aight??? friendship package with me automatically includes me busting thru ur doors at 3 am to deal w ur problems)

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges (”dont tEST me”; also gives up 10 mins later)

I’m playfully rude to people I know well (sure? i think ? idk im tire)

I started to say something ironically now I can’t stop saying it (bless you??)

There is something I would change about my personality

I can play an instrument (uahdkfh give me a violin an d be ready to hear the worst tunes of ur life)

I can sing well (bich the  karaoke machine says yes but i say n o0 especially after i get better from a cough or whatever because my voice box just never recovers)

I can do 30 push ups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well (personally i think NOT but people say otherwise and im like??? thanks im flattered but really i dOnT kNoW hOW TO D r A W)

I have a good memory (hm. lets see,, anemone an enemy anemone an enemy anemone anne nemo and another me - hm maybe but my mind is clouded 24/7/365 so not really what did i have for breakfast again)

I am good at doing math in my head (nope -glances at “medals” [they are paper circles w strings] won for mental math practices in first grade- still nope gotta count on those fingereresrses)

I can hold my breath underwater for a minute (hey yea i used to b a swimmer but idk if i can do it now ;-;)

I have beaten at least two people in an arm wrestle (but im WEAK)

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch (i will not touch that frying pan until my mom teaches me the ways of the cook)

I can throw a punch (badly, but i can try)

I enjoy sports (give me that good runners stitch and we’ll see about it)

I have learned a new song in the past week (??? uhhhh sure?? learned the lyrics to [whats it called hold on] say you won’t let go by james arthur bc its good aight)

I’ve gone running at least one week in the summer (running who is she idk her)

I work out at least once a week (me, getting on the floor, doing one push-up and failing: alright thats enough im good i did exercise back to tumblr)

I have drawn something in the past month (IVE BEEN TRYING TO DRAW THIS ONE THING THATS BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD FOR THE PAST 24 HOURS BUT THE LIGHTING AND THE POSE AND THE SHADING AND BACKGROUND IS SO ABOVE MY LEVEL I WANT D E A T H)

I enjoy writing (yea bu t i cant do writing well, maybe ill try later not rn)

I have done martial arts (no but i know people who have does tht count)

I have had my first kiss (rip)

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting (HA dedication)

I have had alcohol (complimentary just-a-sip teens get from their parents :/)

I have scored a winning goal in sports (uhhhhh ONCE dont ask how idk how it happened either)

I have been to an overnight event (!!! hell yah gotta love overnight field trips)

I have been in a taxi (listen ive lived in ny for 3 years i probably did but dont remember it)

I have been in a hospital/ER in the last year (not much other than the Knee Incident [growth spurt my ass] and that wasn’t even an ER it was just a physicians place) (+ moms a nurse so being in a hospital just for visiting purposes)

I have beaten a video game in one day (again, dedication,,)

I have visited another country (ayy Philippines)

I have been to one of my favorite band��s concerts

I have at least one person I consider a best friend

I live close to my school (used to, not really anymore)

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling (wish her a happy birthday, 12/22)

I live in the US

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with friends in the past month

I have a smartphone

I have at least 15 CD’s (they’re not /mine/ but it is likely there are cds lying around here somewhere)

I share my room with someone

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know (atm, feelings are weird and im not feelin much rn [theres potential in there somewhere but for now ehhh])

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them 

I get crushes easily (used to till the Six Year Incident happened, now im kinda dead inside)

I have had a crush for over a year (Six Year Incident)

I have been in a relationship for over a year

I have feelings for a friend

I have break danced 

I know a person called Jamie

I have made a new friend in the past year (yea!! yall are great <3)

I have had a teacher with a last name hard to pronounce (hahahahaha dont test me)

I have dyed my hair

I am listening to a song on repeat right now (wow not on repeat but how’d ya know?? im listening to my playlist rn)

I have punched someone in the past week

I have known someone who has gone to jail (udhfaksdkfh yea??)

I have broken a bone (no snap crackle pop here)

I have eaten a waffle today (i wiSH)

I know what to do with my life (I REALLY DONT)

I speak at least two languages (yo no hablo espanol??)

[nephilimagnus]

92 truths

tagged by @harmonization <3

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

LAST… [1] drink: henry’s hard soda [2] phone call: my roommate [3] text message: my manager lol [4] song you listened to: currently listening to this [5] time you cried: i dont remember

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: kind of [9] lost someone special: no [10] been depressed: always [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaaaha ye

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] blue [13] black [14] green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: ye [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: no? [18] found out someone was talking about you: yep [19] met someone who changed you: idk [20] found out who your true friends are: pfft  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ahahahaha i havent kissed someone in very long time m8

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: a few [23] do you have any pets: yep i have a cat [24] do you want to change your name: gonna yeah [25] what did you do for your last birthday: honestly dont remember  [26] what time did you wake up: today at 4:45am bc work [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: youtube [28] name something you cannot wait for: shadowhunters to come back [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: i think over two years now? [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: so many [31] what are you listening to right now: maron music youtube channel brah [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: i dont think so [33] something that is getting on your nerves: many things [35] elementary: meh [36] high school: shitty [37] college: havent done it [38] hair colour: brown [39] long or short hair: short [40] do you have a crush on someone: not really? [41] what do you like about yourself?: not much [42] piercings: have 5, ears stretched to 7/8, cartilage, tongue, and septum [43] blood type: no diea [44] nickname: Alec [45] relationship status: ~~~~ [46] zodiac sign: gemini [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: shadowhunters [49] tattoos: 2 [50] right or left handed: left

FIRST… [51] surgery: when i broke my foot  [52] piercing: ears  [53] best friend: same as current one :3 [54] sport: tried to do volleyball in school but there wasnt enough ppl to have a team lol [55] vacation: i have never been on one [56] pair of trainers: pfft no idea

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: henrys hard soda [59] i’m about to: finish this and watch captainsparklez [60] listening to: captainsparklez [61] waiting for: nothin [62] want: idk money [63] get married: naaahhhhh [64] career: a crap one

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: depends [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older [69] romantic or spontaneous: either [70] nice arms or nice stomach: aarrrmmmssss [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: either

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nah [75] drank hard liquor? yes [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? no [77] turned someone down: not really? unless creepy ass dudes that flirt with me at work count  [78] sex on first date? no [79] broken someone’s heart? possibly im not sure [80] had your own heart broken? heh [81] been arrested? no [82] cried when someone died? i dont think so [83] fallen for a friend: had crushes on friends but thats it

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? HA no [85] miracles? maybe [86] love at first sight? not really [87] santa claus? really? [88] kiss on the first date? why not? [89] angels? not really

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: tanisha [91] eye colour: blue [92] favourite movie: the dark crystal

not gonna tag anyone, been drinking and too tired lol