#meganasty

[myrfing]

2093092 directions oc talk ew post zone 3 spoilers ahead. cw for uhhhh…self harm & lack of bodily control/consent related topics even though not exactly sexual

gourd's realy extremely careless with his own body in all respects cus his memory loss/lack of tactile bonding in his early early life/alienation from others in eorzea as au ra & he knew nothing of his biological origins -> some physical disassociation. in a weird way he finds it reassuring whenever he gets heavily wounded and mends his own meganasty wounds like he’s rebuilding his own…meats…to be his. so getting hurt and healing it almost perfectly back to how it was a constant short term reprieve for his very buried personal uneasiness about his own flesh which totally fed into his insane guy no sense of self preservation syndrome. but on the other hand that was never a great way to familiarize yourself to your own body & really. if anyone does anything to or with his body without his total awareness or consent it will freak him out hence why he doesn’t even like to be touched without warning/“reason”/established stuff. he's just so strong that he's never had major issues with any physicality (plus people are generally respectful and considerate towards him) from others so he never had to really change that. he was getting better about it postshb for the sake of being more affectionate towards people he likes but...well.

which all made a certain thing in endwalker suuuper violating to him. like throw up and take 4 showers levels of nasty. & for all the good EW did for him that probably degraded his progress on that front 8| especially after the only people he’s had piloting his meatsuit are those he let do it out of complete trust and love i.e. fray or arby…to have someone who is essentially a stranger to him do that was . it is honestly probably one of the most disgusting things anyone has ever done directly to him if i’m being hawnest he’d never felt a personal need to kill zenos until then beyond just a detached yeah that guy probably needs to die but when he realized what was happening he was like [blank] I'm going to kill this guy. he usually doesn't feel much contempt for the people he kills but he would have probably made zenos match his dad to ensure he would stay dead if he wasn't shitted out in absolute horizon so I guess plan success on that end lol. even though canon has the wol shrug it off and be like Ok well that's over with lol lots to do *forgets about it* which is what he would do normally if it wasn't SPECIFICALLY this. on top of all that he also has a weird sense of guilt towards the people who inhabit his aether since they have to experience what he experiences so he feels godawful that he ""let"" (again he's never thought it beyond his control) that happen to them too like if he had known what would happen he absolutely would have forcibly severed all of them. though i hc that fray pretty much just got shocked unconscious for the entire duration of the bodyjacking (and has also been pretty silent since drk 80) & arby kind of let his persona dissipate after getting to say goodbye to seto.

[el-waters]

#eyk #eatyourkimchi #meganasty #meetyourkimchi #simonandmartina

[el-waters]

It's happening! #eatyourkimchi #meganasty #usnasties #eyk #omfg #soexcited