#medium NOW I NEED TO BLENDER IS SO FRUSTRATING BUT COOL

[sometimesmaybespoof]

ATTENTION ALL KRUGSTON FANS!! ‼️‼️‼️‼️ HE UPLOADED!! HE UPLOADED THE SECOND EPISODE AFTER A WHOLE YEAR I AM IN LOVE

IM SHAKING LEGITIMATELY SHAKING.

I'm so hyped oh my gosh oh my gosh I need to make art NOW IM TALKING NOW!!!

[geejaysmith]

Wolf 359: A running list of things I have a heightened appreciation on second listen, pt. 2

Part one here. 

SEASON 3:

Pan-Pan: Still a little miffed they didn't explicitly do the "we have to huddle to conserve body heat" trope. Yes, it's corny, but also shut up, let my touch-starved space disasters cuddle.

So Eiffel stopped Hera and Minkowski arguing in season 1 to address an emergency, and now with Eiffel absent, the team starts arguing again. The fact he doesn't exactly have much Pride In His Own Self-Sufficiency to get in the way of "hey! Guys! Remember, imminent death? More important priorities happening?" tends to defuse situations like this aaaaaand now he's absent.

"Cutter will send a squad of psychos to come up here and kill us faster!" ...she's not wrong.

"Pick a corner and relax! Hop to it!" I just like this line delivery.

"The entire station is a SPACE YUKON and this thing is overheating!" I know, it's like it's symbolic or something.

Episode 29: "we all feel responsible for losing Eiffel and are lashing out because we're scared and sad and grieving and fear getting backlash while we're vulnerable if we admit we need help, and we don't know what to do but keep going because the alternative is breaking down and possibly never getting back up again." Alternatively:  "It's Metaphors All the Way Down."

Mayday: Eiffel's frustrated screaming.

Brain Ghost Minkowski showing up like "Yeah, we know I'm a hallucination, or Weird Alien Shit, or maybe just a clever metaphor representing the abstract process of thought, but who gives a crap, this is more interesting than listening to you talk to yourself for an entire episode."

BGM: Hi, I'm your thought processes externalized using a face and personality that you subconsciously think you need to hear from in this situation, possibly because you think so little of yourself you need to hear it from somebody else first. Eiffel: Oh hey cool, this is just like this one web comic I kept up with sometimes back on Earth- BGM: Not another word.

Eiffel getting slapped by Brain Ghost Lovelace, who is a projection of his thoughts.

What is that whispering in his head that reminds him of the Hermes' name supposed to be anyway? Score one for my Weird Alien Brain Shit theory. Having Lovelace's alien juice in your system comes with such fun side effects.

"I dunno, I only know what you know." "Shut up, don't go meta on me." / "Hilbert wouldn't know that word! He's never even heard of Empire!" Yeah, toldja: it's Brain Ghosts.

Brain Ghost Hilbert may represent the realist in Eiffel and the brutal, calculating reality he doesn't want to confront, but Brain Ghosts Minkowski and Lovelace are his cooler head and ingenuity, working him through staying calm and devising a way to survive, and Brain Ghost Hera, who appears when Hilbert tells him it's hopeless, telling him that against all the odds he will be okay, is his stubborn determination to never, ever quit. They're all his determination to live when Doug might want to just stop trying. They're the better parts of himself, reflected in the voices of his friends.

And Hilbert. But I digress- HOLY FUCK, I just realized the brilliance in the one-two punch of the Brain Ghost Brigade contrasted with the previous episode's Stress Fracture Argue Crew, it's The Sound And The Fury all over again.

Paging the Wolf 359 incorrect quote blogs: "Save my friends! And Zoidberg Hilbert!"  

Sécurité thru Don’t Poke the Bear: Maxwell! I've missed you! (':

"And I build pretty awesome battle drones on the weekends." ...Does Maxwell have her own souped-up version of one Jamie Hyneman's Blendo?

Eiffel, realizing he's starting to sound like Minkowski: My god, what have I become.

Eiffel mumbling to himself in general. "This is hell and I'm in it."

Is it just me or is Kepler's pig story not as agonizingly drawn out to listen to the second time around?

A Matter of Perspective: Funzo: 12 different board games, three of them TCGs and maybe at least one TTRPG, all tossed in a blender, because Pryce and Cutter are psychopaths.

The Funzo manual is the size of the actual Bible and don't try to convince me otherwise.

How into the game the girls all get.

Headcanon: Minkowski and Lovelace are both the types to get stupidly competitive over any kind of game regardless of their initial level of investment.

Eiffel keeps a photo of (it's implied) him and his daughter taped to the underside of his console...

"He looks so... happy." shUT UP

"I had no idea Eiffel had a-" daughter. Was it "daughter" you were going to say Minkowski. Well, no one else knew you were married til you brought it up, so turnabout's fair play.

"You think you know me? You know the artist formerly known as Warren Kepler, you've met my job. Aside from that, there's no one left for you to know." In light of the series finale, I, uh... I don't if I like this, Scoob. Also, stop reminding me all these people are human persons underneath all the desensitization to horror and violence.

"Happy birthday, Eiffel." They remembered! Hope this one is less traumatizing than the last, Doug.

"Happy Kwanzaa!" "Lovelace."

"Long Story Short, that's the last time I saw Maxwell's feet" wh. What. What happened involving Maxwell's feet. What's. why-

And to make a long story short, that's where my "Maxwell has hands for feet" headcanon came from.

Need to Know: Minkowski's dreams, apparently, include both creating musicals and commanding a deep space mission. She's gotten the latter way the hell off the bucket list, somebody with actual songwriting skills want to get in and write the former with me?

Lovelace overindulging on painkillers for her broken arm after losing Officer Fisher... "It was a difficult time." ):

Aaaand serious implications of the above are immediately headed off by Lovelace quacking aggressively at Jacobi.

Fire and Brimstone: where is my fanfiction about Lovelace overseeing Minkowski during her solitary confinement?

The Backstory Episodes: Zach Valenti wrote all the backstory episodes! I just find that kind of sweet.

Once in a Lifetime: Small detail I only noticed on my second listen, after a fanfic put the thought in my head: Minkowski's parents are only referred to in the past tense. Oof.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice. We had a hiccup in staffing for this upcoming quarter."  So... according to the wiki's timeline, the launch for the second Hephaestus mission was some time in late March 2013. The beginning of this episode (and Eiffel's) states it takes place in 2013, with 3 months of training, meaning they were probably brought on board in January and the whole thing moved *ridiculously* fast. Everything points to them wanting to get people up in space as quickly and with as little fuss as possible, giving the newcomers no time to think it over or do additional research. Once they start the training program, they're probably too busy to look further into Goddard's deep space missions, and are likely in an environment where Goddard Futuristics can cut them off from other information sources. The people they select are relatively isolated (Minkowski and her husband being an exception) - the easier to make them disappear. Even Lovelace has been stationed at "a lot of very isolated, very quiet outposts", the implication being her superiors wanted her somewhere out of the way. Kind of makes me wonder about the rest of the Hephaestus 1.0 crew...

Greensboro: Nice ominous foreshadowing you've got there vis a vis Captain Lovelace and "are you an alien?"

Decommissioned: "We're not about to force anyone to do something they don't want to do!" ...Marcus Cutter deserves to have his trousers ablaze constantly.

All Things Considered is still a bit confusing (because I somehow keep listening to it while doing something else) and I'll need another listen to figure out what probably actually happened, but it is also hilarious.

"Eiffel had engaged the machine, but that's why I build in extra safeguards. My mistake, clearly, was to assume that would be enough to stop the slapstick routine."

“All Things Considered”: Did you have fun with this over-the-top romp of hilarity and and hijinks, dear audience? Good! Because that was us burning off our comedy quota for the rest of the season. Get ready for six whole episodes of nonstop emotional gut-punches!

MEMORIA.

Just... Memoria.

Putting this quote here because of Reasons: "Three years... Three and a half years... I've had this thing in my head breaking me, and making me think it was all my fault, that there was something wrong with *me!*"

So Memoria is still one of the best episodes and the last five minutes fuck me up in a special little way.

Time to Kill: "Or the one outside is the real Jacobi... and the alien is already in here with us." The funny thing, Maxwell, is that you were half-right and didn't even realize it, and you *were* just speaking to Lovelace.

So... do alien duplicates only get reloaded from the singular "snapshot" of the person, or does getting flare-scanned once give them a continually updated source of info? What I'm getting at is: if another Jacobi shows up post-finale, would he need to be filled in on events between his horrible, terrible death and the present?

Persuasion: Maxwell switching to First Name Basis to get Jacobi to be honest with her.

I always forget until the scene after that Hilbert is totally setting up the Space Telephone to manipulate her, but of all the ways he could've gotten Minkowski around to "we are disposable and need to act *now* before these people decide they're done with us", it still kinda touching that this is the method he chose.

Desperate Times/Desperate Measures are just a blur of "oh god oh god oh god" and it's just as nailbiting the second time around. One thing I love about this podcast is how comfortable it is with (for its medium) long stretches of silence, which can feel a LOT longer when you have no other forms of feedback except dialogue to know the first gunshot was just a warning.

So you really *do* feel Minkowski breaking out into laughter when Eiffel tries to invoke Air Force code is a release of the tension that's been building for multiple episodes. Like he's finally gotten through to them just how far this has all gone and how much further it could still go. I keep saying this: when the situation starts to threaten violence, he's got an amazing gift for keeping the rest of the crew in touch with their common humanity when the rest get far too used to a world that runs on self-interest and subterfuge. Hell, he even gets Hilbert and *Kepler* opening up over the course of the story (presuming Kepler is being honest when he talks about being a shell of himself, but even though he was trying to manipulate Eiffel, that doesn't exclude there being a kernel of truth in those words).

Speaking of Kepler: he's definitely riding the adrenaline high of the situation and it turns him into a monster with a manic streak. It makes Jacobi's and Maxwell's relative calm all the eerier by contrast. Those two really do make you forget that all of this is... pretty horribly routine for them.

Until they meet their match, that is, when the women of the Hephaestus refuse to stand down, and each of them is unspeakably badass in their own way. What Kepler didn't account for is that they're ready and willing to die together rather than sacrifice one another for their own survival.

Although again, the irony of the situation is that just dropping the station into the star could have let them avoid, /gestures at season 4. BUT I'm not gonna rain on the Badass parade here.

Bolero, aka "The podcast kicking me in the feelings while I'm down."

The way Minkowski orders everyone else out of the room before Brain Ghost Lovelace conversates with her.  ...did she pop up in the middle of that conversation, I wonder? And all this when psi-wave radiation is spiking, apparently. Coincidence?

Oh come on Hera, war is no reason to end a friendship- Look, I came here from Metal Gear. I see folks dunking on Hilbert and I'm just over here like "he's still not as revolting as Huey Emmerich."  

Listen I've seen enough of Warren Kepler and Marcus Cutter in this fandom to know y'all aren't above liking a bad guy, you just prefer the ones who're having fun with it.

"You're gonna come to my funeral! And you're gonna like it! ...I mean you're gonna feel really sad! And cry! And stuff! GOT IT??" Ah, good ol' Eiffel.

THE COMPUTER ALSO HAS BRAIN GHOSTS

"If I'm not your doctor, then what are we?" "We're... complicated?" Listen, Eiffel, if you're not careful, I'm going to start shipping you and Hilbert ironically For The Lulz, and we all know where shipping things ironically always leads.

Errybody gets brain ghosts this episode. Again: I accept that this is a device that's more interesting than an alternative method of expressing these same ideas, but the ambiguity of a Watsonian explanation (is it all in their heads? Do they really see an apparition of some kind?) lets me do my Weird. Look, I once wrote in a joke in a fic about Death from Discworld complimenting a Quirky Miniboss Squad member from Metal Gear Solid 3 on his taste in interior decorating arena design, and that spawned entire subplots in projects for two different fandoms, and eventually roped in a third fandom to elaborate further on their now-intertwined cosmology. Do not underestimate how much I can give myself to work with.

The last ten minutes of Bolero also fuck me up in a special way, partly because We Are Dealing With the Hard and Unavoidable Fact of Death but also the aliens are about to throw a curve ball that'll... alter that last part a little.

Like, words cannot describe the "Dead Man's Curve in the wet" hard right turn of going from being in mourning for several beloved characters (including my favorite) to SURPRISE, SHE'S BACK! I love it.

I'd have to check the scripts to be sure exactly because some words got lost in Lovelace's respiratory spasms but I do like to imagine the her head wound closing up in front of a horrified Eiffel and Minkowski, with a side order of glow-y shit. I've drawn too many Homestuck god tier revivals I guess.

Update: I DID check the recording script's stage directions to see just how disgustingly physical the whole event is and okay, so no weird glowing shit (I reserve my right to depict it that way anyway) but I'm delighted to report that the gross anatomical-ness I was picturing? It's worse! It is so much worse!

The goddamn AGONY that is the Special Episode being TWO HOURS LONG when it comes right after the BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER IN THE SERIES.

You have NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF TEMPTATION IT WAS TO SKIP THIS AND COME BACK TO IT LATER

LOVELACE 1.0 I LOVE YOU BUT ALSO I WANNA TO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING TO FUTURE-YOU RIGHT NOW

Change of Mind: love the framing device placing this episode as within Lovelace's mind during her successful cranial reconstruction saving throw.

"Buncha nerds, gonna crash my-"

Just how familiar she is in this place, with these people... Hera was installed in her sister's grave (as another post put it), but Lovelace lives in the gutted cadaver of her home.

Zach Valenti's Lambert voice *does* sound like a bad Minkowski impression.

"I have a physicist to put the fear of *me* into." That's my girl. She kind of was more of an ass pre-Total Party Kill, though? Like come on, Isabel, how necessary *is* all this arguing with Lambert?

Fourier's voice is very nice, also. Very soft, very easy on the ears.

I'm now appreciating how it sounds like Fisher is the older and calmer mediator among the crew.

Also the image of Isabel just floating out in space and listening to some chill tunes is sooooo good.

Hey Doc, did it turn out Fisher was too perceptive to live. Was getting caught outside in that meteor shower really an accident. Hey. Hey Hilbert. Answer me. 

Also goddamnit, has EVERY character in this series has read Harry Potter?

Did the Fishers always differentiate each other by audio channel? I had to rewind the scene when I realized Lovelace's questions in my right ear weren't getting an answer.

"Say you're a big pink elephant!"

*gunshot* *gross biological dissolving noises* WHY

"Just because somebody made you something doesn't mean that's all you're going to be - you can be more!" I wrote this line down prior to the end of the episode's confirmation that it's a Big Thematic Point.

Aaaand we're back to the framing device, and with that, season 3 wraps. Or maybe season 4 kicks off? Either way, hell of a way to kick it off.

Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs had a hand in writing this episode? Aw... that's sweet...

So, yeah, headcanon: Alien resurrection does the weird glowy thing to close any obviously fatal maladies, then the gross biological viscera part kicks in, hence Lovelace sounding like she's trying to hack up her lungs as soon as she starts using them again.

Listen, sometimes the gross biological viscera parts are my favorite parts, okay? Okay.

[langblr-o-kebek]

How to feed yourself cheaply when you live alone

It can be so frustrating and difficult to get used to living by yourself. Apparently cabinets don’t come magically stocked with spices and you have to buy things??? with money???? So here’s a few things I’ve learned along the way along with some links to other great posts that have information along this subject too.

1. Secretly assassinate a relative and collect inheritance

2. Find a sugar daddy

If 1 and 2 are options then the rest of this post is worthless to you, if they are not options, keep reading.

Your first visit to the grocery store Buckle up because it’s going to be the most expensive one

You need to stock your kitchen since you are not a roach and can’t just eat the wooden cabinets. Every kitchen should have some combination of the “basics” which will be your non-perishable pantry items-those things that your parents house seemingly never runs out of. 

The Basics

-Rice -Pasta (+any other grains you might like such as couscous, wheat berries etc.) -Flour -Sugar -Brown sugar (if you’re into baking like I am) -Baking Soda -Baking powder -Spices (for example, cumin, cayenne, oregano, basil, paprika, etc.) -Salt and pepper -Oats -Boullion or cans of stock -Cans of soup/packets of ramen -Coffee/tea

I suggest you buy these kinds of items in bulk if possible. If you have the space to store them, they will last you forever and items like these can make a meal that is supposed to be 1-2 servings into somethings thats 4-6 which I’ll explain later. Also, buying in bulk is cheaper per pound/100 grams (whatever system you’re using) so in the long run, you’ll save lots of money by buying one fat ass sack of rice a year instead of 15 every few weeks. Check your area for bulk stores, places that sell spices and grains by the weight. This will save you cash and can be more eco-friendly if you’re able to use your own bags/containers.

Tips for meals

It is so much cheaper to cook a larger amount of food at a time than making something for each individual meal. This is because for the most part, you can’t buy ingredients sufficient for one serving at the grocery store and you don’t want to buy something you’ll only use once and then the rest goes bad and bye-bye money. Making a meal that will last you 3-4 days is not only cheaper, but also saves time since after the initial cooking, all you have to do is reheat a little at a time later. You can take this a step further and use grains like rice, pasta and couscous to “cut” the food thereby doubling the amount of servings you have. Below are some really easy recipes that I use that last me days.

Things you can make at home for cheap

HUMMUS! Bc it’s a great snack, filling, healthy and is stupid expensive at the store and stupid cheap and easy to make.

-1 can of garbanzo beans -2 T of tahini (you can leave this out if you want, tahini can be expensive) -1 T lemon juice -1 clove of garlic, minced -Cumin, paprika, salt, pepper

Literally throw it all in a food processor and blend. If it’s too thick, you can add more olive oil or save some of the water from the beans and add that as well. If you do that, less salt will need to be added. If you use dried beans that you’ve soaked and shit you will need more salt.

If you don’t have a food processor, you can heat the beans up and smash it by hand, it’s more effort and it may be chunkier but it works. Same goes for immersion blenders.

Fun ways to shake this hummus up

-Roasted Red pepper: Chop 1/3 C of roasted red pepper and add. Replace some of the olive oil with some of the juice from the pepper jar.

-Roasted Garlic: Instead of mincing a garlic clove, expose the head of the garlic (lol) and rub with a little olive oil, making sure it gets into the cracks (lol). Wrap in foil and roast at 400 degrees (~200 C) for 30-35 minutes. Garlic should be nice and soft when it’s done. Roasted garlic is sweet instead of biting like raw garlic so using a whole head is okay and you won’t die when you eat it.

-Artichoke heart+black olive: Chop up one can of artichoke hearts with however many chopped black olives as you would like

-Pesto: Add in at least one tablespoon of pesto

Now the question is, how do I eat my hummus and the answer is, there’s actually a billion ways

-Put it on a sandwich or wrap! -Dip celery, cucumber, carrots, peppers in it! -Eat it with pretzels or tortilla chips OR if you’re a cheap bastard like me, make your own tortilla chips by cutting up some tortilla rounds, brushing them with olive oil, sprinkling them with salt and bake at 350 for 10ish minutes. I usually put mine into the oven right when I turn it on and pull them out when the oven is preheated bc I can’t be bothered to actually figure out a proper cooking time. Whatever, this is way cheaper than buying chips and they’re more filling. You can also make tortillas, it’s cheap and simple, I find they taste better, but it is slightly time consuming. Here’s a recipe. -Eat it with a spoon wgaf you live alone no judgement.

Coffee Creamer

Hell yes you can make this at home. The basic is about 1 3/4 cup of milk (whatever kind of milk, the more fat in the milk the creamier the creamer) and 14oz of sweetened condensed milk. You can also add in a few drops of any sort of extract/honey or some sprinkles of cinnamon/nutmeg whatever suits your fancy! Here is a bunch of variations. Also put 1/4 of a teaspoon of cinnamon per cup of coffee in with your coffee grounds in the filter for a cinnamon scented coffee.

Popcorn

Well, we all knew this one. But honest to god it is so much cheaper and healthier to pop popcorn using a bag of kernels than it is to buy a box of microwave popcorn. Just pour some oil and a tablespoon of butter into a large pan, add the popcorn and cook covered over medium heat. As soon as the kernels start to pop make sure you start jiggling the pan to keep them moving so they don’t burn and ruin your pan. I’m pretty sure you can put the kernels in a paper bag in the microwave too. Throw salt on it, or even cinnamon and sugar cuz why not.

RULES FOR GROCERY SHOPPING

1. buying in bulk saves

2. Don’t buy in bulk if you can’t use it all before it expires-like yeast! Most expiration dates are pretty generous and you can actually continue using the product beyond the date (this amount of time varies, please for your own safety please google it). Yeast is the only food I know of that is true to its expiration.

3. Avoid superstores when possible. Most of the time, you’re paying for the convenience. Superstores are often more expensive because you’re paying for the convenience of doing all your shopping in one place. 

4. Ethnic markets are almost always cheaper-especially for trendy things like Coconut oil (so cheap at indian food markets!!) Find Chinese, Arabic, Indian, Mexican food markets around you and split up your shopping accordingly. 

5. MAKE YOUR OWN BREAD, it can be very easy. Google it.

6. Off brand is just as good as the rest

7. Coupons, grab them in the front of the store if available

8. Just because something is a good deal doesn’t mean you have to buy it. I don’t care if orange juice is on sale, I don’t drink a lot of orange juice. You know what’s cheaper than something being 50% off? Not buying it at all. It costs $0.00 to be smart. 

9. Don’t make grocery shopping a habitual thing. By that I mean don’t go grocery shopping every Sunday or whatever. Go grocery shopping when you need to go grocery shopping. If it’s been a week but you can wait 4 more days, wait 4 more days.

10. Don’t buy fresh herbs, grow them. A packet of seeds is cheap. Plastic pots are cheap. Potting soil can be cheap if you can find a place where you can buy by the weight instead of a massive bag. Plant the seeds according to the packet. Things like basil need to be watered often. Things like rosemary and thyme are okay chilling a couple of days without it. Read the packets and google it. Also it’s so rewarding to watch your little baby plants grow. An herb garden costs $10 dollars at the most to make. Fresh herbs at the grocery store cost $2-6 per package. Fresh herbs make meals taste a million times better I swear to god it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. Growing herbs also helped me with my depression so bonus.

11. If shopping at a super store, as much as possible stay out of the “middle”. What I mean is, things you buy should come from the sections closest to the wall-these include the produce, meat, dairy and frozen vegetables. All the processed foods are in the middle and though some can be cheap, they’re not filling and you end up buying them a lot. Doing things like making your own hummus can keep you out of the middle aisles and it’s healthier. Things from the middle you may need though are tea, ramen, grains, soup, peanut butter. 

12. Plan your trip. Thoroughly look through your fridge and cabinets to see what you’re out of. I even keep a little white board on my fridge where I write what’s in the fridge and what’s run out. Write down what needs to be replaced/what you need for the next couple of meals. Do not stray from the list when shopping.

13. Go to Marshalls or Winners or whatever equivalent for things like olive oil, K cups if you have a Keurig (oh fancy fancy) and cool pink salt. They also have other kinds of oils like sunflower and avocado, and even sometimes protein powders. It’s way cheaper there and you can buy a liter sized bottle of olive oil for like 7 dollars when it would cost at least twice that at a grocery store. 

14. Do not have the same grocery list every week. Prices of things change, your list should reflect that. If you’re wanting to get some sort of fruit for a snack, don’t get apples every week. Get whatever is in season. The prices of fresh produce in stores and markets will reflect what’s in season (i.e. the cheapest things). Lucky for us Bananas are always in season and are a super cheap snack that people forget about. I often wait until they’re ripe, cut them up and freeze them to make smoothies. 

15. Don’t be afraid of tofu. It’s cheap as hell and once you learn how to prepare it, can be a fantastic substitute for animal proteins if meat/fish are too expensive.

16. Don’t forget, so many foods can be frozen. If something is crazy on sale, don’t be afraid to buy more than usual if you are able to freeze it. Here’s a list of things that can be frozen. TBH here, in Canada, I buy those big 3L bags of milk and store the little baggies in the freezer. 

Finally, go to Goodwill stores and thrift shops to find kitchen appliances, dishes, and cookware for cheap! The best 7 dollars I ever spent was on a crock pot. These stores have so many items that last FOREVER, like a good pan, or a classic cafeteria.  Don’t think you can’t cook because you can’t afford the equipment. Kitchen equipment doesn’t have to be a huge investment.

That’s all I have for today. Good luck out there guys.

[sampagu]

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How to thicken black eyed peas

SOUTHERN STYLE BLACK-EYED PEAS WITH HAMHOCKS

Here’s the thing..

We’re using dried beans, and we’re soaking them overnight. I’m sorry if you’re too lazy for all of that, but I’m sure there are other short-cut recipes out there for you — this is for those of you who want to spend a little time and love in your kitchen. Now that we’ve got that squared away, let’s proceed. Dried beans just taste better for this recipe, and produce the silkiest, creamiest, melt-in-your-mouth results. We’re not just soaking them in water, we’re going to brine them. That means we’re adding salt to the soaking water to allow the salt to soften the skins of the beans without making the interiors gritty and mealy — which is exactly what happens when you don’t brine, but instead add the salt during the cooking process. The salt ends up softening the skins, but it penetrates the bean and alters the texture for the worse, so we’re going to prevent that by giving the beans a simple overnight brine. You can do this for any dried bean.

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We’re also cooking them in the oven. Why? Because they cook more evenly. Think about it, when they’re on top of the stove, that heat source is only coming from the bottom. This is another reason why beans usually burst and give the overall dish a pasty, dry texture.The beans at the bottom of the pot are cooking at a much faster rate than the rest of the beans, and that’s not a good thing. By allowing the heat from the oven to hit every corner of the dutch oven from top to bottom, our beans cook at a more even rate and we can prevent a bean blowout. Make sense? Mkay..

The key ingredient that gives the peas their UHMAZING flavor, is the hamhock. That’s just the bottom line. It’s a salty, fatty, sinfully delicious little bastard that exudes its wonderful salty pork flavor into the beans and makes the heart sing. Of course if you are one of those silly swine-haters (lol), you can totally leave it out. Just know you’ll have to step up your seasoning game because the hamhocks here provide us with 95% of the salt content. Because I used salted pork fat to sauté my onions with just a good additional pinch of grey sea salt, I didn’t have to add ANY additional salt to the finished dish. It was perfect.

You could use smoked turkey wings in place of the hamhocks, and you can totally skip the salted pork or bacon. This recipe is pretty straightforward, but I wanted to make sure it was easily adaptable just in case there happened to be one lone vegetarian reading my meaty blog. Oh, and instead of low-sodium chicken stock, you could use vegetable stock. I also explain how to make “stew’y” peas vs. brothy ones — you can decide which version is better suited for your tastes though.

*For this recipe you’ll need a large 6qt dutch oven, or large oven-proof heavy-bottom stockpot, a wooden spoon, and a blender or food processor — or hand-held immersion blender (which is what I used).

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warm the hamhocks thru, crisp up the salted pork or bacon, remove from pot then add the onions to the leftover oil, along with the other spices and aromatics. cook until softened.

deglaze the pot with white wine, stirring until almost all of the white wine has evaporated. add the chicken stock and water, hamhocks and beans. bring to a boil, cover and place in the oven to continue cooking.

blend 2 cups of the mixture to thicken it (if you want it stew’y, if you want it thinner and more brothy, skip this step). remove as much meat as you can from the hamhocks and chop it up. throw it back into the pot along with the hamhock bones (they still have major flavor) and continue cooking the beans, uncovered in the oven for an additional 15 minutes or so.

the finished product — the stew’y version. tailor this to your own needs and preferences, and enjoy.

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Oh! Just in case you’re wondering, after trying my black-eyed peas, the boyfriend now loves and adores them. He spooned them into his mouth, shook his head with frustration and said, “Those are the best I’ve ever had in my life. That is exactly how they should taste, I don’t even need teeth to eat those!” and then he started cussing lol. Ahh, the simple joys of a good home cook 

Prep Time: 12 hours

Cook Time: 2 hours 

Total Time: 14 hours

Yield: 10-12

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE BRINE:

* 3 qts water

* 3 tbsp coarse grey sea salt (any salt will work)

FOR THE PEAS AND HAMHOCKS:

* 3 tbsp olive oil

* 2 smoked hamhocks

* 6 oz salted pork (or bacon), chopped or sliced into chunks

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* 2 medium onions, diced (about 2 cups)

* 3 cloves fresh garlic, minced

* 1 tsp smoked paprika

* 1/2 – 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

* coarse grey sea salt & freshly ground black pepper, to taste

* 1/8 – 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

* 2 bay leaves

* 1/2 cup dry white wine

* 4 cups low-sodium chicken broth

* 4 cups water

* 1 lb dried black-eyed peas, brined overnight and rinsed well

* 1 tsp fresh thyme

INSTRUCTIONS

TO BRINE THE BEANS:

1. Pour the dried beans onto a plate and discard any stones or discolored peas. Stir and dissolve 3 tablespoons of coarse grey sea salt in 3 quarts of water. Add the beans and cover with plastic wrap. Brine the beans overnight at room temperature (on your kitchen counter). The next day before you’re ready to cook your beans, dump them into a colander and rinse well under cool water.

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TO COOK THE BEANS:

1. Preheat your oven to 300 degrees.

2. Heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil in a large 6-qt dutch oven, over medium-high heat. Add the salted pork or bacon and cook until some of the fat has rendered, about 4 minutes. Add the hamhocks and cook everything together until the pork has crisped, about another 10 minutes or so. When the pork has crisped up, remove it and the hamhocks from the pot and onto a plate, leaving the oil in the pot. Set aside to cool. Reduce the heat to medium.

3. Add the diced onions to the leftover oil, and stir with a wooden spoon until the onions have picked up any flavor bits stuck to the bottom of the pan. Add a good pinch of the grey sea salt to the onions to help them release their liquids a bit more and soften up. Add the crushed red pepper, black pepper, cayenne pepper, bay leaves, and smoked paprika to the onions, stirring until combined. Continue to cook the onions down until they’ve become translucent and have softened (be careful not to burn them, if they’re browning too quickly, lower the heat and/or add a little more oil), about 7-10 minutes. Once the onions have softened and more flavor has developed at the bottom of the pot, de-glaze with the white wine (off heat). Bring the pot back to the heat and cook until most of the wine has evaporated and you can leave trails with your wooden spoon, about 2-3 minutes, stirring frequently. Stir in the garlic and cook for 30 seconds.

4. Place the hamhocks back into the pot and add the chicken broth and water. Add the beans and make sure they’re covered by the liquid. It’s up to you whether or not you want to add the salt pork or bacon back to the pot now at this point. Bring everything up to a boil, cover and place the dutch-oven into your 300 degree oven on the lower middle rack to continue cooking for 1 hour.

5. Remove the hamhocks from the pot and place on a small plate or cutting board. Remove as much meat from each hamhock as you can, being sure not to add any of the super fatty pieces. Once you’ve extracted the meat, chop it into small bite-sized pieces and add it back to the pot. Place the bones of the hamhocks in the pot as well, and stir to combine. Cook an additional 15 minutes. Check the doneness of the peas. Once they’re creamy, smooth, and melt-in-your-mouth, they’re ready. Remove from oven.

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6. Here’s where you tailor this dish to your own black-eyed pea preference. If you like your peas more on the brothy side, you can leave them alone and skip to the last 2 steps. If you like your peas on the stewy side, remove 2 cups of the broth only, into a bowl and set aside. Ladle an additional 2 cups of the bean and broth mixture into a blender or food processor. Puree until smooth. Add pureed beans back to the pot to give the dish a last touch of creaminess. Keep in mind this dish will thicken slightly as it cools. If you need to thin it out, use some of the reserved cooking liquid — but if they’re perfect and to your liking, discard it. Alternately, you could use the back of a spoon to mash some of the beans against the sides of the pot to give the dish more body. Give it a taste and season as necessary — although you may not have to do anything. Finish by adding a teaspoon of fresh thyme leaves, stirring until combined.

7. Serve and enjoy.

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[zlifebyzumba]

If You’ve Ever Had a Migraine, You Should Read This

According to the Migraine Research Foundation, migraine is the 3rd most prevalent illness in the world, affecting 1 billion people. That’s 12% of the world’s population. So, there’s a pretty good chance you’ve experienced a migraine in your lifetime, or know somebody who has. And now, help is on its way.

Stephanie Weaver, MPH, CWHC is an author, blogger, and certified wellness and health coach who had (unknowingly) suffered from migraines her whole life. After three scary bouts of vertigo, she was officially diagnosed at the age of 53. Knowing what an important role food plays in one’s health and frustrated with a lack of resources available to her, Stephanie wrote ‘The Migraine Relief Plan’, out today. The book outlines a detailed food plan to follow if you suffer from migraines, vertigo, or Meniere’s disease, complete with recipes to help you get on track.

We sat down with Stephanie to talk about her book and learn how Zumba® classes might play a role in migraine relief.

ZLife: Tell us about your experience with migraines.

SW: I was diagnosed after having really scary bouts of vertigo. I had no idea that vertigo was a migraine symptom, or that the “weather headaches” I had had my entire life were actually migraines. Since I wasn’t incapacitated for three days and I didn’t have classic symptoms like halos and flashing lights, I had no idea they were migraine attacks. Luckily, I found an expert who understood the connection between my inner ear symptoms and migraine.

ZLife: Why did you write ‘The Migraine Relief Plan’?

SW: I wrote the book that I needed, because it didn’t exist! My neurologist gave me a 3-page handout that simply listed foods in a “don’t” list. It didn’t explain why, or how, or how long to try it. At that time, I was having daily headaches, and 3-5 days of migraine symptoms a week, including wicked vertigo. So I was motivated to find a solution that didn’t rely solely on prescriptions. None of the existing books had the answers I was looking for.

ZLife: Who should read this book?

SW: Anyone diagnosed with migraines, vertigo, or Meniere’s disease. That’s 1 in 7 people. Anyone who loves someone dealing with any of those. Anyone who has chronic headaches, weather headaches, or sinus headaches. And anyone who has been told to reduce processed foods, get off sugar, get off gluten, or lower their sodium intake, because my gentle transition will do all of that for you. And people who love to eat! The recipes are mighty tasty.

ZLife: You outline such a specific meal plan to follow. How did you reach such conclusive decisions?

SW: My book is based on the work of Dr. David Buchholz, who has spent 30 years in his clinical practice refining his list. I used that as a starting point, and then read up on all the latest cutting-edge nutrition, attended medical conferences, and researched exhaustively at the medical library at UCSD. The book has been extensively vetted by a variety of doctors and nutritionists, many of whom provided testimonials for the book.

ZLife: How has your plan personally helped you?

SW: My daily headaches went away in about 7 weeks. I now have 1-2 migraine days per month instead of 3-5 per week. And I haven’t had a vertigo attack in 3 years.

ZLife: Aside from the plan you outline in your book, what do you recommend to anybody suffering from migraines and related conditions?

SW: 1) Track your symptoms to learn your unique pattern; 2) Regulate your habits as much as possible – sleeping, eating, drinking water, regular exercise (if you love dancing, Zumba classes could be a great option for you); 3) Get off of processed food as much as possible!

ZLife: Great! Finally, can you share some recipes with us?

SW: Here are a few and you can find so many more in ‘The Migraine Relief Plan’.

Creamy Not-ella Carob Butter

Makes about 16 ounces (450g)

Prep time: 10–15 minutes Cooking time: 20–30 minutes Passive time: 15 minutes

I created this recipe to give people an easy, luscious treat that still follows the Plan. While it doesn’t taste exactly like Nutella, it’s pretty darn close—even though I skipped the sugar, hazelnuts, chocolate, vegetable oil, soy lecithin, and milk powder. If you make up a jar of this, you’ll have it to spread on gluten-free toast or apples when you want a sweet snack. Perfect for stashing in your desk at work along with an apple. A huge hit with my recipe testers, who called it creamy, dreamy, and addictive.

1 cup (230g) raw, unsalted sunflower seeds

1 cup (160g) hemp seeds

Stevia to equal 8 teaspoons sugar

1/2 cup (50g) carob powder

1/4 cup (60mL) coconut oil

Budget friendly: Moderate (hemp seeds tend to be pricey)

Preheat the oven to 300°F (150°C). Put the sunflower seeds on baking sheets lined with fresh parchment paper.

Toast the sunflower seeds for 10 minutes, then stir and return to the oven. Turn off the oven and toast the seeds another 5 to 10 minutes. You want them just golden brown but not dark brown or burnt. Taste a few if you aren’t sure.

Transfer the baking sheet to a wire rack and let the toasted seeds cool for 15 minutes.

Put the toasted seeds in a food processor fitted with the S-blade or a high-speed blender and blend into a fine powder, about 1 minute.

Add the hemp seeds and stevia and blend for about 4 more minutes, stopping every minute to scrape down the sides. Eventually it will form a ball and become nut butter. Use the tamper if you have a Vitamix.

In a separate bowl, blend the carob powder with the oil, then add the mixture to the nut butter. (If you add the carob powder and oil directly to a food processor, you will have a powdery carob explosion that is not fun to clean up.)

Continue blending until you get the smooth consistency you want.

Serve right away or transfer to a glass jar and store in the refrigerator. It will be spreadable when refrigerated, and just a little thicker than Nutella at room temperature. Eat within a month.

Cooks’ Note: If you cannot get hemp seeds, you can substitute sunflower seeds for them.

Per 1-ounce serving: 5g protein, 9g carbohydrates, 11g fat, 3g saturated fat, 6mg sodium, 61mg potassium, 2g fiber

Roasted Veggie Quinoa Casserole

Makes 8 servings

Prep time: 50 minutes Cooking time: 60–75 minutes Passive time: 10 minutes

It’s not easy following the Plan if you are vegetarian or vegan, as so many of your protein sources are potential triggers. The quinoa and black beans in this dish are high in protein, making it a hearty vegetarian one-dish meal.

1 cup (175g) quinoa, any color

1 cup (250mL) filtered water

1 (1.5–2 pound [680–900g]) butternut or other fall squash

2 large carrots, peeled and cut into 1/2-inch dice

3 stalks celery, cut into 1/2-inch dice

1/2 cup chopped kale, stems included

1/2 cup cooked no-salt-added or low-sodium black beans, drained (optional)

6 cloves garlic, minced

1/4 cup (60mL) organic extra virgin olive oil

2 tablespoons no-salt-added medium–hot curry powder

11/2 cups (375mL) low-sodium vegetable stock

Budget friendly: Very

Put the quinoa and filtered water in a glass bowl and set aside to soak while you are prepping the vegetables.

Peel the squash, cut it in half, remove the seeds and strings, and cut into a 1/2-inch dice. Add to a large mixing bowl, along with the carrots, celery, kale, black beans, if using, and garlic.

Drizzle the oil over the vegetables and toss. Sprinkle with the curry powder and toss until evenly coated. Set aside.

Preheat the oven to 400°F (200°C). Spray or oil a large lidded casserole dish. If you don’t have a lid, cut a piece of aluminum foil to cover. Set aside.

Drain and rinse the quinoa.

Add the drained quinoa and stock to the casserole dish. Gently agitate the dish to distribute the quinoa evenly, while keeping it submerged in the liquid.

Carefully add the vegetables evenly on top, spreading with a spatula and keeping as much of the quinoa in contact with the liquid as possible.

Bake, covered or wrapped tightly in foil, for 35 to 45 minutes, or just until the vegetables are fork-tender.

Remove from the oven, uncover, and let rest for a few minutes before serving.

Cooks’ Note: You must use a casserole dish with a lid, or cover your dish tightly with foil, or the quinoa will dry out and not cook properly. Choose pre-prepped or frozen butternut squash to shorten prep time. You can prep all the vegetables a day ahead. It’s important to cut them uniformly; the small dice allows them to cook through.

Per serving (excluding black beans): 6g protein, 36g carbohydrates, 9g fat, 1g saturated fat, 202mg sodium, 868mg potassium, 6g fiber

Maple Sesame Glazed Chicken

Makes 4 servings

Prep time: 25 minutes Cooking time: 45–50 minutes Passive time: 1/2–8 hours

This Asian-inspired glaze is close to teriyaki without being sticky-sweet. This dish is shown on the cover with Wild Rice and Carrots (page 246) and Spicy Kale and Swiss Chard Sauté (page 243).

1 bunch green onions

2 tablespoons white vinegar (see Cooks’ Note)

2 tablespoons pure maple syrup

2 tablespoons toasted sesame oil

2 cloves garlic

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

13/5–2 pounds (0.8–1kg) boneless, skinless chicken thighs (5–6 thighs)

1 tablespoon coconut oil

2 tablespoons dry toasted tan sesame seeds

Budget friendly: Very

Remove the roots and tips from the green onions. Cut the white parts into chunks and put them in a blender. Slice the green parts thinly and set aside.

To make the marinade, add the vinegar, maple syrup, toasted sesame oil, garlic, smoked paprika, garlic powder, and ginger to the blender and blend, along with the white parts of the onion, until smooth.

Put the chicken in a large bowl. Pour marinade over chicken. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and marinate in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes and up to overnight.

Heat the coconut oil in large nonstick lidded skillet set over medium heat until shimmering. Add the chicken pieces and cook for 5 minutes on each side, or until browned.

Drizzle any remaining marinade from the bowl over the chicken and sprinkle the reserved sliced green onions, stirring to coat chicken. Then, partially cover the pan and reduce the heat to medium–low. Cook for 10 minutes, turn the chicken, and cook for 10 minutes more. Leave a small opening between the cover and the pan so some of the steam can escape.

Remove lid from chicken pan to check chicken for doneness. Cook just until done, either by checking with a meat thermometer for 165°F (74°C), or by cutting open. Sprinkle sesame seeds over. Remove from the heat.

Serve right away or store in the refrigerator for up to 3 days.

Cooks’ Note: Use skinless chicken for this recipe, as this cooking method will not deliver crispy skin. If you’re not sure about sesame oil, start with 1 tablespoon, then taste.

Per serving: 46g protein, 11g carbohydrates, 18g fat, 3g saturated fat, 196mg sodium, 681mg potassium, 2g fiber

            from If You’ve Ever Had a Migraine, You Should Read This