#meanwhile their dads are probably busy trying to disembowel each other

[apathetic-graffiti]

The Amporas are incredibly dysfunctional but they care for each other even if they're incredibly shitty and I stand by that...

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Complexities Unknowable- Chapter One

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23274334/chapters/55737937

MasterPost

Okay so- Second ever fanfiction! And it’s a series! I’m planning on having 7 chapters, and I promise this time I won’t wait a month to post anything! 

Relationships: Established Relationship Dukeceit, eventual intrualiceit, background analogince.

Warnings: Remus Says Things, everyone is sympathetic (but there are some misunderstandings and misconceptions about each other at first), food mention, Things will be sad and they will get more sad but then they will get much less sad very quickly as this story progresses (sorry idk how to tag chapter fics??? on tumblr???), cursing, lmk If I missed anything.

Word Count: 1,563

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged

Patton didn’t hate the dark sides. Patton hardly hated anything! He just thought they had more… problematic ways of problem solving. It wasn’t like they were unbearable, they were just flaws, and everyone has flaws! Perfectly normal. Patton just found it difficult to pick out the redeeming qualities, but they were probably there. Somewhere deep, deep down, there was something, so of course he didn’t hate them. And hypothetically, supposing he did, he would never say something like that out loud. 

Which brought him to now. He was standing stock-still in the kitchen, holding the electric mixer, looking at a scene fit for a renaissance painting. He’d just come back from retrieving the mixer from the hall closet (for whatever reason that he couldn’t parse out), only to find Remus and Deceit in the middle of some kind of kerfuffle, to put it lightly, on top of the counter. Remus was leaning precariously on the edge of the counter, one of his legs somehow stuck all the way inside a cabinet in order to maintain his balance. In his hands were what appeared to be piles of torn open tea bags and coffee grounds. Deceit was hunched over the counter in front of him, all of his arms grappling desperately to keep the gremlin-man’s hands away from his gnashing teeth. 

“-No, sssstop! You know that caffeine makes you feel like garbage, you idiot!” 

“Hot garbage, maybe! I need it to focus on the experiment I’m running!”

Remus broke one hand free and scooped a handful of coffee grounds into his mouth, cackling. Deceit promptly tackled him off the counter and onto the floor, resulting in several appliances falling and a very loud crash. It was at that point Patton realized he should probably intervene before the kitchen burned down. This was uncharted territory, so he resorted to what he usually did when the sides fought. He went Dad Mode™. 

“Boys!” 

Deceit and Remus both stopped dead, their heads snapping up simultaneously to look at Patton in shock. 

Deceit pushed himself up immediately and dusted himself off. He surveyed the room with a quick glance, his eyes blown wide. 

“I apologize for our disruption.” He snapped perfunctorily, sounding not very sorry at all. The trait slipped across the kitchen to grab the broom, returning to bap Remus on the head with it before attempting to sweep up the mess they’d made.

Patton didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t that. Thankfully, he knew exactly what to do when someone tried to clean his kitchen (familiar territory at last!). He put on his best awkward smile and set down the mixer that he’d been clutching anxiously to his chest.

“Aw, don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of all this.” Patton reached for the broom; Deceit practically threw it at him in his haste to keep distance between them. The reptilian side gave a short nod of acknowledgement. Remus, meanwhile, had pulled himself up from the floor and grinned. He clambered back up onto the counter and sat cross legged. 

“Hey, thanks! I was sure you were gonna, like- disembowel us and pull a Sweeney Todd!”

Patton surely looked as horrified as he felt about that comment, because Deceit was looking between him and Remus of them nervously. He grabbed his partner’s arm and ducked his head to whisper something to him. Whatever it was, Remus just scrunched up his nose and shook his head. Patton kept his eyes down and just hoped they’d ignore him and get on with their business.

There was an awkward pause as the moral side fixed all his attention on sweeping, every now and then catching a glimpse of Remus sneakily reaching for another tea bag only to have his hand swatted away by Deceit. They seemed to be having an entirely silent conversation.

“Um, well, I was about to get started on some cookies, if you guys want to… help?” Patton had no idea what, exactly, he was doing. He always offered to let Logan or Roman or Virge help him in the kitchen, cooking was a favorite hobby in the fam-i.l.y.! It seemed like only the polite thing to do, and he really wasn’t sure why the dark sides were still. Here. Patton tried really hard to convince himself that he didn’t regret offering, because that would be mean, and he wasn’t mean. That was their job!

“Fuck yeah!” Remus called at the exact time that Deceit spat, “No, thank you.” 

Patton winced at the language. Remus had a horribly mischievous look in his eyes, and Deceit just looked uncomfortable. The two exchanged a few more whispered arguments, after which Deceit pulled Remus down from the counter and hassled him across the kitchen. 

“Well, we’d just love to take up your totally sincere offer, but we really must be going.” Deceit hardly glanced over his shoulder as he walked. Patton found himself torn between feeling relieved and offended. 

“Aww,” Remus groaned, begrudgingly letting himself be led away, “I love baking!”

“No, you don’t, you love making messes and destroying people’s things. Which is not a good impression to make, need I remind you.” 

That was… surprisingly considerate.

“Well- I’ll let you know when the cookies are done!” Patton called after them. Neither responded. 

To Patton’s credit, he did keep that promise. Well, not so much a promise as an off-handed remark that went ignored- but still, the side had principles. After spending plenty of time relaxing with Logan, Roman, and Virgil (eating copious amounts of baked-goods, of course), Patton snuck off to deliver some cookies to The Subconscious. He wasn’t the stealthiest, but he triple checked that nobody saw him before sinking out.

Rising into The Subconscious was like diving headfirst into a swamp. It felt like his lungs were filling up with muck, and he couldn’t much tell where he was going to appear. Pat could feel that he wasn’t meant to be here. He struggled up from the floor and into the living room, fighting down a wave of nausea.

The first thing that surprised Patton about the dark side commons was that it was perfectly well lit. The lighting was actually quite lovely, and there were several big, soft chairs underneath warm-looking lamps. The second thing that surprised Patton was the liveliness of the surroundings! Not a thing looked dusty or unkempt-  in fact, if it weren’t for the odd, grim objects decorating the room, it would have been downright delightful! 

The most surprising thing, however, was that Patton was not the only one there (which was a possibility he probably should have considered; he was just planning on leaving the cookies on the counter with a nice note). Curled into the corner of the couch, seemingly in the middle of a movie, were Deceit and Remus, looking absolutely astounded.

“Uh… hi?” Patton greeted uncertainly.

Deceit schooled his features into something less surprised and  untangled himself from Remus hurriedly. Sensing the hostility, Patton threw his explanation from his mouth like he was on a timer.

“So, I brought cookies! And, um, I figured that it would be empty and I was gonna leave them on the counter? But you’re having a little movie night, so, here’s cookies.” 

Patton saw the undisguised suspicion in Deceit’s eyes. Fine, if he was going to be that way, then he didn’t have to take the cookies. Remus, however, darted up immediately at the mention of food and appeared himself across the room. He grabbed the Tupperware and shoveled several of the cookies into his sharp-toothed maw. Patton tried (unsuccessfully) not to flinch away from the sudden proximity.

“Are you trying to poison us? Because if so, mission accomplished.” Remus spoke through a mouthful of chocolate cookie. Patton was equal parts disgusted and flattered.

Deceit had finally paused the movie and flitted across the room as well. The human side of his face was slightly flushed as he took the Tupperware from Remus, curling his lip to reveal long, dangerous-looking fangs. He proceeded to take a small bite of a cookie (Patton figured the snarling was some odd intimidation tactic (did he really think they were poisoned?!)). 

Patton felt a spiteful little jolt of triumph at the surprised look on the Deceit’s face, his eyes widening. The dishonest trait hummed appreciatively. 

"Thank you. This is actually- I mean, it's fine."

"Well,  you don't have to  act so surprised!" Patton said, managing a small laugh.

"We’re surprised because you don't usually come to this side of the mindscape, and never to do anything nice anyways. Razor blade cookies would make much more sense!" Remus, to Patton’s dismay, had seemed completely nonchalant about that comment. Beside him, Deceit merely shrugged, continuing to nibble the edge of a cookie. 

Patton wouldn’t hurt a fly! How on earth could they think he was the mean one? Oh, he had to show them how wrong they were! Although- did he really want the approval of two sides he… strongly disliked? All because he didn’t want anybody to think he was mean?

Yes, he did, he absolutely did want that.

“I’ll be sure to let you two know the next time I bake, then.” 

And he promptly got the hell out of there, the floor shimmering a light blue in his wake. He’d show them, in the sweetest, nicest, most-likable way possible.

Chapter 2 Link: https://tha-best-url-evar.tumblr.com/post/614327945408987136/complexities-unknowable-chapter-two