#meanwhile my own generation I'm just..... we baffle me

[menlove]

one of my Complexes is that I was raised an only child by gen x'ers who were both young, one of whom acted like a sibling, and both whom raised me like they were raised & on the media they were raised on & we were poor enough that I also got the "latchkey kid" complex most gen x'ers had so now when I'm hanging out with gen x, millennials, and gen z (my actual generation) at least 75% of the time I relate more to the gen x'ers like 🧍‍♂️

[hexpea]

Ch. 1 - Divorcee

"You've got to be joking," you shook your head, completely baffled at the news you had just heard from the city clerk sitting behind tempered glass. They gave you an empathetic stare in return, a small, awkward smile on their face.

Your fiancé, Seiko, looked at you, also bewildered to the news that they had just heard. You'd kept it a well-tucked away secret up to that point in your relationship, but the cat was very out of the bag at this point. 

"It's been three years, how could it have gone overlooked for this long?" You whined angrily to the poor, glorified secretary in front of you. You weren't paying any mind to the look of dismay Seiko was giving you. You had flames of anger in your eyes, nothing could distract from the rage you felt at the major inconvenience that was your ex-husband. You knew him to be arrogant, immature, impolite...the list could go on.

"I'm sorry, Ms. L/N, but we can't process the marriage certificate until your previous marriage to..." they trailed off to look at the name on their computer screen once again, "Satoru Gojo...is fully dissolved. There's nothing I can do, it needs his signature for final processing."

You took a deep breath, realizing there really wasn't anything you could do. "Thank you," you tried to contain your anger. As you spoke, the clerk handed over the paperwork you needed to finish things off with your previous marriage.

With what you needed in your hands, the two of you left the city clerk's office. You kept a straight face, meanwhile Seiko was positively seething. There was a sense of betrayal from such a serious secret being kept for the entirety of your two year relationship. 

"Y/N," Seiko started with concern once you were out of earshot of the general public, "you didn't tell me you were married before."

You sighed as the two of you walked toward the subway, heading down the stairs and toward the terminal. "It's a long story," you replied in a soft tone, realizing that your serious secret could have done some major damage to your current relationship. "I kept it in for a reason."

"Well, now it's out and I need to know about it," Seiko said sternly as the two of you scanned your passes and began your wait for the ride home. "Y/N, I love you, but you can't just pass this off as if it was nothing," they hissed, trying to keep their voice low so others nearby wouldn't hear.

"Let's get home first, I'll tell you everything," you closed your eyes as if to try and meditate away the headache forming in your temples.

When the two of you returned home, you got comfortable in preparation to spill the details on your little secret. Seiko sat down with you on your sofa in your shared apartment. The two of you lived in Hokkaido. You had moved this far after your 'divorce' on purpose, in order to escape a past you longed to forget. You lived humbly, but it was a happy humble.

"Do you remember what I told you about my family?" You asked Seiko who was staring at you intently as the two of you lounged on the sofa.

"They're sorcerers, right?" They replied. When you had originally told them about your family they didn't believe it. It was a power they'd only seen in movies, so they were immediately starstruck. They didn't ask much about it out of respect for you, but that didn't stop them from ignorantly researching from time to time.

You nodded toward their response. "Right, there's a lot of...bureaucracy within that community. It's almost like it's own governmental body," you awkwardly laughed to yourself for a moment, "a lot of the time, the Japanese government has to speak to us first regarding certain matters." How you spoke of this 'community' made it seem incredibly serious to Seiko, their heart fluttered from the stress of your statement. "Essentially, families involved, certain families, have sorcery that can be and have to be passed down through generations. We all play a part."

You began to recall the moment you were pulled into that room those years ago, a recent graduate of the technical college, newly aged nineteen.

You came from a lineage of 'imbuers.' With a technique not made for combat, your family's power involved imbuing and maintaining cursed objects; something only your family could do. Though it was not often needed, it was still a critical part in the community, critical enough for your family to be considered a part of one of the 'big three' but not enough to make it the 'big four.' Though this did mean your family had a certain closeness to those three other families: Kamo, Zenin, and Gojo.

You had been called to the Gojo estate after work, it was a job you had recently acquired to keep yourself busy and to gain a sense of independence from your smothering family. Your parents were already there after attending a previous meeting with the head of said clan. You weren't told the subject of the meeting, just that it would be between your parents and the head of the Gojo family. Per usual for these visits, you wore a traditional kimono. It's fabric and tightness noticeably uncomfortable after your long work day. You could think of a thousand different places you'd rather be.

You were lead into one of the smaller rooms toward the back of the estate, your sock feet shuffling along the wood floors. An attendant slid back the shoji door for you to find yourself being the last one to arrive.

Your parents, as well as the head of the Gojo clan and his wife, knelt on one side of a low table, their hands folded in their laps and a formal, somber look on their faces. Notably, their son who was also your age, Satoru Gojo, sat opposite of them with an open spot next to him clearly meant for you. 

He turned his head back to look at you as you entered, black sunglasses perched upon his nose. He had a pearly white smile on his face as he playfully patted the zabuton next to him to which his father gave him a stern look that Satoru ignored. You lightly rolled your eyes and took your assigned place next to him. He, too, was forced to wear a yukata for the formality of such a meeting. 

You cleared your throat and cautiously looked at each of them only to receive no response to your sudden presence other than their intense stares. 

"Um," your voice was mouse-like, "what's going on here? Why...did you all summon us like this?" Satoru's presence was certainly a surprise. Usually these meetings were about an object needing imbued where only the family heads were involved.

You noticed your parents exchanging a nervous glance at one another before looking back at you. Your mother shifted and looked toward her lap as your father took the lead. The head Gojo and his wife kept their stoic expressions.

"We've gathered you here to discuss an important matter," your father's voice almost shook in intimidation, "it concerns the future of our families and our...clans."

"You see," your mother chimed in to give her cautious support, "there has been an...arrangement made between our families." 

Knowing where this was going without needing to be told, Satoru smiled once again and placed his hands behind his head, stretching, in preparation for the big reveal. You gave your mother a look that egged her on, a look of extreme concern. You felt the beating in your chest increase as if your heart had suddenly become a steel hammer.

"It's a marriage proposal, dear," Satoru's mother piped up seriously, her voice regal but still with a hint of warmth. Her husband's stare, however... It was no wonder your parents were intimidated every time the Gojos came around.  

You felt a moment of shock, frustration, and disbelief to what you had just heard. There was no way in this day and age that this was happening. Your mind raced in search of an appropriate way to respond, an appropriate way to reject the idea. It couldn't come to you.

"A marriage proposal, are you serious?" You looked between the four of them with your eyes wide, your adolescence showing through. Your voice was shaky, a tinge of incredulity to it.

"As serious as a heart attack," Satoru sighed happily, still wearing his infuriatingly cheerful smile as if this wasn't a huge deal. He seemed completely at ease with the situation. He was clearly used to these types of 'situations' being from the top family in the realm of jujutsu.

Your father nodded earnestly, "Yes, we are. It's a...proposition that could...solidify the bonds between our clans and...ensure our continued prosperity." That was it...money. They were doing this for money. Your heart felt like it had angrily snapped in two.

"And it's not a decision we've taken lightly, dear. We've thought long and hard about it," your mother's voice was sweet, but what you heard was absolute betrayal falling from her lips. 

Seeing your disbelief, Satoru's father responded with a composed tone of anger. "It is necessary for our clan to produce an heir to keep the balance of society," Satoru's father finally spoke, his aging brow seriously furrowed. "Our son is the last of our name. It is of utmost importance that the Six Eyes as well as Limitless go on and we need to ensure that happens. Especially considering the recent events involving the special grade curse user Geto Suguru." 

Satoru's smile was quickly erased at the mention of his best friend's name. It was something he never wanted to think about again if he could.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing; marrying someone you hardly thought of as a friend, let alone a romantic partner, was unthinkable. The absurdity of it all made you want to laugh but you could tell from the air in the room alone that this was no joke.

"I..." your voice shook as you struggled to maintain your composure, "I can't believe this. We hardly know one another and you expect us to get married?!" 

Satoru, who was leaning on his hands as he sat on his own zabuton, taking things so nonchalantly, leaned forward to capture your attention. It was hard to look away from his bright blue eyes as they carelessly stared at you from behind his black lenses. 

"Look, I know it's unexpected, but maybe it's not so bad, right?" He was trying to play mediator here. He, too, had absolutely no interest in having a wife. He just wanted his family to shut up about it; he'd deal with the consequences of ultimately having no heir later.

You shot him an incredulous look, almost flinching at his words. "Seriously, Gojo? You think this is a good idea?"

He shrugged, a hint of mischief in his eyes. "Who knows? We might surprise ourselves. Plus, we've known each other for a long time, right?" 

Since birth, you thought to yourself. He was essentially a childhood best friend that had drifted away in your teen years. At this point, you'd call yourselves acquaintances if anything.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes again at his casual attitude. The weight of the situation bore down on you, and you turned back to your parents. "Can we at least discuss this further? I need some time to think about it."

Just before your sentence ended and your parents had a chance to respond, the head of the Gojo clan answered with a booming voice. "There is no further need for discussion. We have made our decision and the two of you will wed within the year."

You were taken aback by his forceful insistence. It was clear that he was not open to any type of negotiations or delays. The situation had taken a sharp and unexpected turn, and it seemed as though your fate had been sealed without any say in the matter. The days ahead would be filled with uncertainty and apprehension as you faced the reality of an impending marriage to Satoru Gojo, whether you liked it or not.

[happyandticklish]

I've Created a Monster

So, I took the, maybe ill-advised, plunge, and told the dude I've been seeing for the past three months that I'm into tickling

And it turned out fucking great, I still cannot believe my luck in this area

Apologies if I rant for a bit. I have been living out my dreams for the past couple of weeks and need to share it with someone (outside of a few people already in the community who I've already told) or I will explode. It gets a tad TMI at the end, so I put that bit under the cut for people's comfort. So beware of that in advance

So a bit of background. I had been seeing this dude for about a month and a half when we got on the subject of kinks. At first just kind of generally discussing them, and eventually getting into what we're into. And I admitted that I had one that was a bit weird, not only because it was unorthodox, but also because I had a huge amount of trouble actually saying what it was, which of course spiked his curiosity. But he was really chill about it and didn't push, but there kept being tickly moments that kept popping up naturally in the relationship, none of which were lasting longer than a couple seconds. As such, mostly out of frustration at the brevity of these moments, I mustered up the courage at 3am to finally confess.

He was quiet for a bit and mostly just held me (I think because I definitely looked as anxious as I felt--I also have to give him props for having patience during the three fucking minutes it took me to confess because I was working up the courage to simply say the Word). Then he started asking me how long I'd known that I was into it, why I was into it, what appealed to me about tickling, things along that line, all of which I stumbled my way through answering. He then proceeded to inform me that he didn't think I was weird, or that liking tickling was weird, and that he had been expecting much worse and thought it was kind of cute.

After that, tickling started cropping up more in the relationship. It took a while to explain that I was totally okay with more intense tickling and that me squirming away and sometimes asking him to stop were reflexes that should be ignored (it was somewhat endearing how he would immediatelly stop to make sure I was good, if somewhat frustrating sometimes), but he eventually got it. He even briefly pinned me down once, a move he has yet to repeat, but eventually I will get up the courage to ask him to.

I had told him that I was into both doing and receiving the tickling, but also that he was under no pressure to get tickled if he didn't want to. But after a while we were cuddling when he said, quote, "I think I'm actually into this tickling thing. It feels kind of nice whenever you do it to me, and I do love how much it gets to you." And then gave me permission to tickle him, which was way more than I was hoping for

Although he is able to control his reactions and just stay still for it which is baffling to me ("well if I moved, it would stop happening??" yeah?? I know?? But most people can't do that shit 🤨)

Guys. He started looking into tools and shit. This man is researching into the community. Came to me all excited like a dork, talking about feathers and toothbrushes and the fucking Wartenberg Wheel and how he thinks that he'd may be be down to include bondage with tickling stuff (which I'd mentioned I'd be into before). He was all, "I also discovered that some people are into tickle torture, isn't that wild?" Meanwhile I'm over here like, "yeah, it is wild, isn't it, imagine that haha"

He's suggested safe words on his own too, worked out boundaries,,,,

Anyways. He's embraced this way more than I can image and I am living the dream

TMI under cut! Avert your eyes if shmexy things make you uncomfy!

He's also started tickling me while we fuck (and sometimes when he goes down on me) and my fellow people of tumblr. It makes everything so insanely intense. I have had to be like, "babe, I love this, this is great, but I cannot concentrate on any coherent goal if you keep this up".

Also definitely discovered that my ass is ticklish during this process and it is a fact that he will not let go. Not that I am complaining 😏

[darkpoisonouslove]

HotD S02E07

Honestly, I do not have much to say about this episode (I think... it's still possible for my thoughts to spiral out of control as I start writing them out). There was barely any Greens content, which made me a little bored, I have to say. The thing is that they are kind of dragging their feet here. I get the feeling they're trying to get as many seasons as possible out of a single book but, like, maybe you could have explored the events of season 1 in two seasons then? We literally sprinted through more than 20 years in one season and now things are moving quite slowly. Anyway, more details under the cut:

Does Addam realize he could have just taken Seasmoke and fucked off to do whatever he wants? What was Rhaenyra going to do? Fight him and risk her life or at least losing Syrax to someone that isn't even her enemy in the war? Sure, he doesn't know Valyrian but Seasmoke didn't really seam to give much of a shit about that anyway. What I'm saying is basically that Rhaenyra is so lucky that Addam's ambitions of earning recognition only go so far because Seasmoke definitely would have fought Syrax tooth and nail to protect Addam if he had decided not to bend the knee.

Meanwhile Corlys during this whole episode:

His interaction with Addam was so awkward! Well, gee, thanks, dad, for the praise! Are we going to see him actually do anything as Hand?

Jasper trying to talk Larys into breaking the news of Rhaenyra's new dragon rider to Aemond was so funny. You can clearly hear him thinking "Well, he already hates Larys. Why should I draw his ire? Honestly, Larys should just take one for the team and tell him the news, which will 100% set him off!" Larys refusing to be the scapegoat by going "Tis' but a fable." The Larys content is popping off these last few episodes! I have to say that it's funny how ineffective Aemond has made his own Council by being so harsh and completely unwilling to listen to any of them. If he hadn't made it so clear he doesn't give a shit about their opinions and would trample them down for daring to say anything, they might have warned him earlier and they could have prevented Rhaenyra from getting more dragons. Not like she didn't have to outsource bastards from King's Landing. Had Aemond known about any of this, he could have intervened in some way but he brought this on himself.

I see we're not going to address the Rhaenyra and Mysaria kiss from last episode.

Oscar Tully, the man that you are! I don't really have much to say about the whole Harrenhal segment besides how fun it was watching this young boy completely destroy Daemon in front of everyone. He even forced him into a situation where Daemon has to do what Oscar wanted of him and after this obvious demonstration that Daemon will turn on his allies with the wind, he's pretty much further cemented the impression he made on the Riverlands lords that they should never consider him their leader. I like how they made it understandable why Oscar is so set on keeping old oaths since that's the way the Riverlands function. The choice to only make Daemon "succeed" through factors that he has entirely no control of is priceless, it has to be said. At this point they can just write "loser" on his forehead.

That red cloak for Rhaenyra's maid is such a baffling design choice. She's supposed to be incognito but she stands out like a sore thumb. Besides, only someone rich can afford to have clothes dyed in such a rich red color. It instantly makes it obvious she is working for someone of noble birth and makes her so very easy to keep track of even in a crowd. Why have they done this?

Someone pointed out that putting up fliers when the general population is illiterate is a really funny way to advertise and I have to agree.

Respectfully, I do not give a shit about Hugh and his dead child. Maybe I would have if they had actually shown the death and didn't make him act like that's in the past already. Also, maybe once let a woman want something? I mean, they just lost their daughter. Let his wife want to have the power and means to prevent that from happening to other people and to any future children they might have ffs. This show only pretends to be feminist but will not let women want anything for 3 seconds.

I wrote a whole essay on Larys and Aegon and I've decided to make it the focus of its own post that you can find here.

Rhaena's scene is a perfect demonstration of what I mean when I say that they're dragging their feet. They just hinted that there will be exciting developments in the next episode and didn't do anything to actually move that plot line along. They could have easily cut that scene and put a condensed version of it in the next episode right before Rhaena actually gets to claim Sheepstealer.

The focus for this episode is obviously Rhaenyra's plan with the Dragonseeds and that has had some very interesting developments.

First of all, love how they show us that Rhaenyra is exactly her father's daughter. She hasn't thought this through anymore than Viserys did. He wanted her to be his heir but still married and raped Alicent because he just wanted to have sex and then proceeded to ignore his children from her and the problem that having legitimate sons is creating for the entire realm. Rhaenyra just wanted to have sex with Harwin and had three illegitimate sons and now to win the war for her own inheritance she has to take away the only symbol of legitimacy that Jace has. By very clearly showing that just random bastards that know nothing of the tradition surrounding dragons and can't even speak the language of the dragons can just as successfully ride them, she totally destroys the idea that Jace is somehow more than any Targaryen bastard that you can find at Fleabottom. Great job, Rhaenyra!

To be fair, all her options are equally bad but she's the one that did this. If she hadn't had illegitimate children, she literally wouldn't have been facing this problem. She just thought that her being princess and heir to the throne will give her a pass for anything but she has set Jace up for another war now. When she dies and he ascends the throne, there will be people who will think him not worthy of it because he's not any different from all the other bastards that were raised as the lowest links of society. There will also be the other bastards with dragons that can try to steal his throne. People were saying that Alicent is at fault for everything bad that happens to her children because she put Aegon on the throne but Rhaenyra is doing the exact same thing to Jace now and it is for a crown. She knew from the start her claim was shaky and that Jace's claim as her heir is even more shaky. She still proceeded because she wanted that crown.

The dragon tamers revolting against Rhaenyra's actions was such a great representation of how interlaced the dragons are with the classism and the "divine right to rule" of the Targaryens. To win this war Rhaenyra literally has to tear down the very pillars on which the supremacy of her house is built. She's self-destructing in slow motion because yes, she might win and get to sit the throne but the people will get disillusioned about the dragons being gods and about the Targaryens having the sole claim to the throne if any bastard can walk in directly from the street and claim a dragon. That voiceover in the beginning of season 1 saying the only thing that can destroy the House of the Dragon is itself sure is getting proven correct.

They finally let Rhaenyra do something that would tear down her image of the hero partially. Isn't it funny how she was so horrified by what happened to Ser Stefan but had no problem leaving 30-40 bastards to die? Sure, she had proof that her wild idea can be done once Addam and Seasmoke bonded but she knew very well that a lot of those people would die and she just didn't really care. Good thing they don't know about Ser Stefan's attempt and her reaction to that. Otherwise, they could easily turn their new dragons on her since she clearly still thinks them lesser.

I liked the way they did the bonding moment between Hugh and Vermithor. Hugh really showed he meant business and earned Vermithor's respect. But on the tail end of that, Ulf's scene was a fucking joke. Silverwing should have eaten him whole. Especially since he stepped in her clutch of eggs. Him getting a taste of what riding a dragon is like was still kind of cute. Also quite a revolutionary step for Westerosi society, though I have a feeling Rhaenyra won't like what that step leads to in the end.

Stop teasing me with mentions of Daeron, show! I am almost 100% convinced that they won't get him in here until season 3 so what's the point? Especially since we already heard the exact same information in the previous episode.

The writing for Alicent is so unserious fr. The way they are letting her wallow in this self-pity because there's nothing else for her to do is atrocious. Especially since the last trigger apparently was the riot in last episode, which is just an insult. What do you mean that all of her sacrifice and service to the realm was just so she would be hated? She's supposed to be beloved by the small folk. I hate the writers so much for the way they're constantly throwing stuff in to make you hate the Greens, and switching plot beats around, giving all the ones that earn sympathy to the Blacks. I've been ranting about that all season, however, so I'll leave it at that.

People that still think Alicent was trying to drown herself are so baffling to me. I could have told you she wasn't going to do it just from the trailer for this episode. It was clearly shown that she took off her dress before entering the lake. (Btw did the music while she was removing her green dress remind anyone else of "The Green Dress" theme from Rhaenyra's wedding? But a lot more solemn and just straight-up resigned? Which would fit perfectly with her stupid arc.) You don't take off your clothes if you mean to drown as it'd be easier to drown with more clothes on. And also, are we talking about the same woman? Alicent? Committing suicide????? After she saved Criston from doing the same???? I know she's on a downward spiral but she was just chilling in that water. That didn't look like someone trying to drown themselves. I guess that "I'm not sure I mean to [return to the city]" line could have sounded suicidal but I have only one thing to say to that: Alicent, get your ass back to the Red Keep right this instant istfg. Aemond just torched Aegon and she and Helaena were attacked and she just... leaves?????? Girl, what about your children? They need you! At least the trailer for the next episode shows that she's back.

People saying that Aemond should leave Helaena alone and not ask her to join the fight, you don't even deserve the RIP. I am different from you aka better. Please, for the love of fuck, get her on Dreamfyre and let her do something at last! They have completely glossed over and erased the effect that her son's death has on her but that at least means that she is totally capable of getting on her dragon and frying a bunch of people. I am seriously hoping that she will!

P.S. I might have known I was going to write a whole essay despite "having nothing to say". *sigh*

[jesncin]

Honestly, you are like the most based person ever. A Martian Manhunter fan and a MAWS critic? F YEAH!

I'm so disappointed with MAWS' Lois :( Her romance with Clark could've been so good. SO GOOD. But they decided to go for fan service instead. She just gives off Lena (from cwsg) vibes and that's never a good thing.

Speaking of Supergirl, what's your opinion on the show? And on the show's portrait of J'onn. It baffles me how much hate the show got for the same things fans are willing to overlook now on MAWS. Aren't those some double standards, geez...

Aw shucks thank you! 2 incredibly niche but based things to be...

Sob! Call it the ace in me but whenever people think MAWS!Clois have chemistry because they're easily amused by seeing hot characters undress I lose life force. I didn't witness a couple that grew mutual respect and affection, I saw an insta-crush that led to Lois becoming so entitled to a guy she'd known for less than a week to the point of demanding full transparency of his private life before they even started dating. And then the narrative says it's Clark's fault for having reasonable boundaries, and then they're a couple. What is this.

I've briefly talked about CW Supergirl before, but my takeaway is: if people think MAWS is genuinely good writing then they should absolutely watch CW Supergirl because it must look like high art in comparison to MAWS. Maybe people are less judgy when something's animated and that's not fair. If we want to take animation as a serious medium we should hold it to the same standard and not coddle it. As someone who watched a few eps when CW Supergirl aired and then revisited and watched the whole thing years after the show concluded, I feel that the misogyny surrounding people's discourse around the show has led to people judging the show based on a fanon idea of it rather than its own merits.

more under the cut!

CW Supergirl is a show with great highs and lows. This results in things being hit or miss. But when something hits- CW Supergirl is not given nearly enough credit as it deserves. As a Martian Manhunter fan, I believe that their take on J'onn is the most competent and well adapted in not just adapted media, but all of comics canon. That doesn't mean I like everything they did with his lore and character, but I can acknowledge that they actually bothered developing him outside of the comics/cartoon's fixation with making him mope about his Origin Story all the time. He gets to find love, have adopted daughters through Kara and Alex, reckon with what it's like to preserve aspects of a culture he doesn't fully identify with, deal with his dad going through Martian Alzheimer's disease, and most importantly MAKE PEACE WITH HIS BROTHER. CW Supergirl has hands down, the best take on Ma'alefa'ak in all of canon.

I think Lena is a great character on the show. She's dealing with the trauma of being constantly manipulated by her own family, the legacy her name carries and who she is in all that. But because the supercorp ship permeates the way people perceive the show, she's reduced to that by discourse. When Lena has drama over Kara's secret Superhero identity, it's something that's built up to and informed by trauma, trust-issues, and TIME. We are shown that she has these problems. It gets melodramatic at times, but it's still something that was built up to. Meanwhile in MAWS Lois just tells us she has daddy issues and that it's why she really needs the cute guy at work to spill all his personal info to her even though she gets to lie to him for her own personal gain multiple times. I appreciate what CW Supergirl did to bring more attention to what was an obscure character. Whenever I bump into Lena in the comics, it hasn't stacked up to the character I met on the show.

I've called this out before but while CW Supergirl isn't perfect by any means especially with their treatment of Jimmy Olsen as a love interest to Kara and a generally sidelined Black supporting character, they still discussed and acknowledged Jimmy's identity as a Black American man! Sure it was heavy handed many times, but that's way better than MAWS straight up ignoring Jimmy's Blackness and even making an unintentional jab at it!! Like cw Supergirl Jimmy knows bigotry and has experienced it. MAWS Jimmy thinks bigotry is being ghosted for a camping trip. I have seen the exact same critics call out cw Supergirl for Jimmy's treatment while gleefully thinking Jimmy's treatment in MAWS is so uwu perfect. It makes me sick! Am I going insane?? It's the double standards for me.

[moonlitlex]

ok. final thoughts on doctor who season 14 (2024) (because maybe if i say all of this i will finally stop thinking about how much i hate this season)

short version: i'm this season's biggest hater. if this season has a million haters im one of them. if this season has 1000 haters i'm still one of them. if this season has one hater it's me. if this season has no haters it means i have left this world. if the world is against this season i am with the world

long & nuanced version (under the cut)

i'm just really, really, really disappointed. i've always said that good writing can redeem any project, and it kind of feels like they just took it in the exact opposite direction this time. there's so much that went wrong and like 99% of it is down to the writing. i did a rant on my youtube channel (which i'm not gonna link here because i want to keep these accounts separate) and it was like an hour long so i'm not gonna go into detail but i'll just go over my main issues with this season

fifteen lacks depth. i think he's a very generic doctor lacking his own eccentricities. after the first season the doctor usually has quite a distinct personality, but i don't think we got that with fifteen. just compare the kind of characterization fifteen has at this point to like... eleven in his first season. he was a lot more fleshed out. we got to see multiple facets of his personality. it seems like they tried this with fifteen but everything we got to see ended up being really surface level. the susan thing just kind of happens. the rogue thing just kind of happens. he faces racism and he's just kind of incredulous and then the episode ends. it's not explored. the show just moves on to the next thing and we don't get to see how he deals with it.

ruby lacks depth. similarly, i think ruby is a very generic companion. she's a young woman from present day london which isn't in and of itself a bad thing but it's not backed up by much. like, what do we actually know about ruby? she's adopted? she was left on a church doorstep by her biomom? she loves her mom but is still disappointed she can't find her bio parents? these are all plot relevant things. what do we know about her outside of the stuff that is necessary for the plot? job? friends? life before the doctor? there are a few tiny glimpses, but not enough to make her a developed character.

fifteen and ruby's relationship is boring. they never fight. they never disagree. they never argue. they're never angry with each other. they never challenge each other on anything. they're shown to have this amazing best-friend rapport but it's never developed or fleshed out. it just kind of happens. one second they're meeting and the next second they're bffs who never disagree about anything and are always on the same page. it's just not an interesting dynamic.

i found ten and donna to be a very compelling dynamic but that's because they actually have a real friendship and have to deal with conflict and challenges and disagreements. times when the doctor and companion challenge each other are interesting. this is a feature of some really beloved doctor who stories for a reason. dalek wouldn't be so well loved if rose just agreed with nine the entire time. the conflict makes the story more compelling. meanwhile ruby can't even muster an ounce of discontentment with fifteen for the entire season.

season finale payoffs were not compelling and are in my opinion a result of prioritizing shock and surprise and social media buzz at time of release over telling an interesting story.

sutekh is not automatically a compelling villain and the way that arc is written is so... bland. he appears and kills everyone and the next episode they just hit the reset button. fine, doctor who has done this before, but there was interesting character writing back then to distract you from the baffling story decisions.

the season 3 finale had flying jesus ten but it also had interesting character dynamics. this one had sutekh defeated in the most confusing way possible (if he got his power from the time vortex why is it killing him now....) but there's barely anything going on in the character department. it's rtd so i expected hamfisted deus ex machinas, but i didn't expect the lack of care on the character front.

the susan thing was just... it came out of nowhere, didn't really make much sense, and then it immediately disappeared. the doctor thinking it's his susan was just confusing for me and it didn't land. like why would susan.... do that? why would she be basically following him around the universe by weaving herself into the scenery everywhere he landed? this is never even addressed. they just get the tardis anagram and he immediately jumps to it being his susan and you're not really sure why he's so convinced and it's never really explained.

ruby's mom being a normal woman literally just doesn't make any sense. it's never explained. "we thought she was really important" doesn't just do all the inexplicable things. why and how is ruby able to make it snow if her mom is just a normal person? why does the song in his soul scare maestro so much? why is sutekh of all people unable to figure out who her mother is? the reveal is played as a criticism of the audience for building up ruby's mom to be this huge mystery, but it wasn't the audience doing this - it was the writers. these are the clues they laid out and they're never explained. "doctor who is more fantastical now" also doesn't make any sense. fantasy has rules too. you can't just do whatever you want. the world still has to be internally consistent. the reveal by itself is a nice moment but it's just disappointing that they decided to laugh at the audience for taking their show seriously.

i've seen a lot of people compare ruby's mom thing with clara's impossible girl thing. i would like to point out 2 differences that make clara's impossible girl arc superior. first - clara's impossible girl arc never tries to weasel its way out of the mystery. the point is that who clara is is more important than the mystery surrounding her. ruby's mom mystery tries to erase the mystery entirely. second - clara's impossible girl arc is resolved the way it is because of clara. clara is a person who takes an action because of who she is. it shows courage and selflessness and care for her friend. ruby's mom mystery is solved by ruby and the doctor finding a database where they can match ruby's dna to her mom's. it doesn't say anything about her character. her character is irrelevant to the resolution.

i've also seen it compared to the hybrid thing from season 9, but with the hybrid there was never anything unexplainable happening in the first place so "it was just the characters obsessing about it all along" makes sense because it literally is just the characters bringing up the hybrid all the time.

the individual episodes are not... good. here are my opinions on each of them

church on ruby road - ok introduction, weird pacing, the goblin song was just tonally off compared to the rest of the episode

space babies - genuinely makes the doctor seem like a sadistic asshole at times like he keeps laughing at the literal babies for being scared of the monster and this is played for laughs (???), boogeyman reveal thing literally came out of nowhere there was no setup and it made no sense and was never really explained, a lot of tonal whiplash in this episode, poor exposition choices at the start

devils chord - maestro was a fun performance but nothing else about this episode is interesting, there are no beatles, the 4th wall breaks are tonally inconsistent with the rest of the season

boom - ruby gets sidelined but making ncuti act without being able to move any of his body slaps as a concept and while it was too on the nose, the thematic messaging aspects of this episode are coherent and don't talk down to the audience, some side characters get to be relevant to the story and moderately developed (mundy, splice, the dad), splice's actor was far too old to be delivering those lines and it didn't land well, the dad ai defeating the ambulance ai was a bit too much but was in line with the power of love and faith theme so i'm conflicted on how i feel about that

73 yards - did nothing right. there are a few minutes of good welsh folk horror at the start before that aspect of the story is undermined by those people in the pub. ruby gets no character development. the horror atmosphere is abandoned at the start and the horror concept is abandoned entirely partway through the story in favour of the political stuff with roger ap gwilliam, which is kind of resolved in a really anticlimactic scene which doesn't matter anyway because everything just gets undone at the end of the episode. there are no answers.

it's not a good horror story because 90% of it isn't horror. it's not a good political drama because nothing happens. it's not a good character study because we don't get to know anything about ruby's character. i genuinely think rtd has forgotten the kind of stuff he's written because he called this the best thing he's ever written and it's literally not even in the top 10 doctor who episodes he's ever written. like midnight is right there. the waters of mars is RIGHT THERE. this episode is all setup and no payoff.

also - i might just be autistic, but the "can i pay with my phone" joke doesn't land because not everyone can actually accept digital payments yet! it's like... an extremely normal question to ask. i literally ask all the time unless i see an "apple pay accepted" sign because sometimes the answer is "no, we only take cash or card". i know it was supposed to be something about how ruby thinks she's in the past or welsh people getting wrongly stereotyped for being backward but maybe rtd should've come up with a line that would actually be offensive and not just a completely normal thing to ask in 2024.

dot and bubble - this is probably my most controversial take. i hate this episode. i think it's a poorly written bad episode. and furthermore i think only people who are disconnected from all discussion around racism think it's got genuinely good commentary. for MOST of this episode, it's a "kids be on they damn phones" thing. like, genuinely. lindy can't even WALK without her phone. there's nothing in the episode to tip us as the audience off to the idea that the dots hate them because they're racist. everything in the episode is pointing at "the dots hate them because they're stupid as fuck because they're always on that damn phone".

lindy at first seems like a flawed but sympathetic character, and this could genuinely have worked with the racism commentary. if it's about them being racist cause they're sooooooo fucking stupid, maybe don't have lindy be an irredeemable extremely racist character who kills someone. maybe she's repeating all the rhetoric she's heard her entire life without ever thinking about it. maybe trying to convince her racist friends to give the doctor a chance gets her socially isolated. maybe it's about echo chambers and social bubbles. maybe lindy as an individual has no malicious intent either way but she still behaves in a racist way and still ends up siding with the racists because they're her friends and she wants to fit in and be part of the in group and trying to not be racist because the doctor seemed kinda nice got her socially ostracized so she perpetuates racism regardless. but none of this is what happens. this is a reading you can get out of it if you're really dedicated to reading into a story written by a guy who doesn't give a shit about racism.

lindy and all her friends are stupid and bad and racist and the doctor is still desperate to save them for some fucking reason and he doesn't even get to SAY anything to them, he just laughs incredulously and that's his entire reaction. the commentary in this episode is baby's first lesson on racism. it's a message of "racism is bad and stupid" tacked onto an episode with a message of "being on your phone is bad and stupid".

it's shallow. it has nothing to say. it's very clearly a story about racism written by a white man who has never had to even think about racism. the entire writer's room for this season was white as well. rtd didn't even think he should maybe consider giving the racism episode to a black writer. he just wrote a full episode where the message is "racism is bad you guys" and patted himself on the back for his social commentary. i think it's embarrassing that people praise this episode for opening their eyes to racism in the real world and helping them understand it better. literally all that tells me is they've been closing their eyes and covering their ears every time a person of colour talks about racism. like black fans have literally been talking about racism in doctor who for decades and clearly none of you listened to any of them because you're here watching an episode with an "omg racism is bad guys" message going "wow, i never though about it like that!" that's because you're an asshole.

"wow i didn't even notice that everyone in this episode is white!" that's because that's not out of the ordinary for doctor who. or for television in general. this isn't revolutionary commentary. it's an indictment of the season 14 writer's room that they thought they could write this episode without even taking a look around their own writer's room and thinking "huh, everyone here is white too. maybe we should try to change that." this show has been predominantly white for MOST of its history. i'm a huge critic of the chibnall era but at least that guy hired poc to write for the show. at least the bad racism commentary in rosa (which was, to remind you, "the future racist is wrong. racism is bad. also the entire civil rights movement was basically a happy accident") was written by a black woman. at least the weird british empire glorifying shit in the partition episode was written by an indian man (to be clear, stuff written by poc also deserves to be criticized. my point is just that at least chibnall had the basic common sense to hire people who knew more than him to write these stories). rtd didn't even consider this. not even a cowriter.

it's just embarrassing to watch white fans falling over themselves analyzing how this episode is soooo deep when it's simply not. racism isn't silly goofy stupid. it's dangerous. it gets people killed every day. it's even more ridiculous that the racism is addressed in the future episode but not anywhere else! fifteen goes to 60s england and... nothing. he goes to 1800s england and nothing. sure, future people are racist. whatever. are we seriously sanitizing the real, actual, real life racist past of britain? and then patting ourselves on the back for it? and ricky september being considered not racist? like, reading a book doesn't suddenly make you not racist. racist people aren't necessarily idiots. plenty of highly educated people are racist. making ricky explicitly racist while also a clearly smart character would have added nuance to this episode, but rtd didn't do that. watching a black man beg and plead with rich racist white kids to please let him save their lives is just... ridiculous.

there are countless (and i do mean countless) works by actual people of colour that discuss racism in a far more nuanced way. that go beyond "racism is bad and racist people are stupid". there are specifically black british shows you can watch that actually address racism and have real commentary on it outside of what you would expect a toddler who has just learnt about prejudice to say. shows that aren't about coddling while people. watch shows made by and for people who aren't white. read books written by and for people who aren't white. and don't just watch and read this stuff to "educate yourself" on other people's experiences. watch it because it's art. because it's entertaining or funny or interesting or dramatic, just like stories that are about white people are allowed to be. and stop praising an episode with a racism is bad message for being good racism commentary. seriously. we already know racism is bad. this is embarrassing for you.

dot and bubble was a "kids be on they damn phones episode" with "racism is so bad guys" tacked onto it and white fans fell over themselves explaining how it opened their eyes and it was so deep and meaningful and powerful and it was none of those things. it was bland and shallow and honestly really boring they spend WAY too long hitting us over the head with how the kids are so stupid cause they're on their damn phones. you should be embarrassed. if this episode was the first thing that made me realize racism exists and is bad you couldn't waterboard that out of me. grow up.

rogue - rogue was an underdeveloped jack harkness ripoff, there's no development of the relationship between him and the doctor, ruby got nothing to do, the proposal came out of nowhere, the chuldurs were an interesting concept but they literally didn't even do any of the larping they were there for apart from the one who was lady emily. murder is not a prominent part of bridgerton or similar regency era romances that they were supposedly there to cosplay

legend of ruby sunday - this episode is literally 99% exposition. like i'm not joking. there's exposition and exposition and exposition for the whole episode and at the end sutekh appears and kills everyone. also "i will kill everyone" is like. not a compelling motivation. doctor who is full of guys who want to kill everyone. there's nothing making sutekh particularly scary or compelling apart from the fact that he thanos snapped the whole universe and that's also not particularly scary or compelling because he spares the main characters AND because you know they're gonna hit the comic book reset button next episode. sutekh being attached to the tardis since pyramids of mars is unconvincing personally (it would've made more sense if it was since wild blue yonder)

empire of death - ??????? ruby's mom is just a normal woman. they leash sutekh like a dog and drag him through the time vortex which kills him for some reason and also hits reset on his kill switch for the whole universe and that just fixes everything. ruby calls her biomom her real mom instead of carla which just really rubbed me the wrong way. she exits the tardis to stay with her family and it's... fine. you never see why ruby and the doctor were attached to each other so them saying goodbye doesn't hit home. nothing happens and then suddenly everything happens. the fact that the reveal is unconvincing makes the whole thing worse.

conclusion: i think rtd ran out of ideas for doctor who. i think he shouldn't have come back. i think the 60th specials were season 4 fanfiction. i think they should've given the showrunner position to a different writer entirely. i think 8 episodes is far too short for a doctor who season (flux being an exception because it was one ongoing story). i think the bigger budget and better production value can't save a show with poor writing. i think gatwa and gibson are acting their hearts out and i wish they had better material because i really like both of them in these roles. i'm also kind of sick of murray gold's music at this point. he won't let emotional moments just sit and it's really annoying how every time anything happens there's a swell of music. i think rtd should give up on racism commentary and just hire someone else who can do it justice if he really wants it to be in his show. i think rtd should shift focus back to the characters and their interpersonal relationships because that's what he's good at and his plot resolutions have always been underwhelming deus ex machinas. i think they should give this show more episodes. i think they should change the broadcasting times to be a better slot in the uk and the episode should go up on streaming at the same time or after it airs. this season has little glimpses of potential (some of boom, first few minutes of 73 yards, episode concepts in general are quite interesting, more fantasy in doctor who is a fun concept) but squanders all of it with flat characters. i started dreading watching the next episode after a while because i kept hoping it would be good and then i would hate it.

but i still care too much about doctor who to not watch the show so i guess i'll be here this time next year picking season 15 apart. woo.

[palmtreesx3]

Act 1 - Foreplay

Aphrodisiac (Robin's Chapter)

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Summary: (6.8K) The pair are settling in at The Hideout but not without some bumps in the road, and are exploring the city and sampling a bit of all that it has to offer. Steve is trying hard to find things that he likes to do and he's totally baffled to see Robin so effortlessly spreading her wings. Robin's got a date. A real legitimate, public date and she quickly gets fixated. Meanwhile Steve's got another lonely evening by himself. The pair - well maybe just Robin - gets in the mood in this Robin-centric installment of Act 1. 

Warnings: it's a sex shop and generally just NSFW so 18+. Sex toys and self-exploration, female masturbation, shop talk, fluffy affection, LGBTQ acceptance (which isn't much of a warning, it's a goddamn right), self-loathing, mild depression and *you* make your first appearance.

Almost-July, 1993

What Robin failed to consider when wagering a digital pet bet with Steve Harrington is that this boy was born and raised competitive. She forgot that in the Harrington household "lose" wasn't in their vocabulary. She also forgot just how forgetful she is. Ironic. So it should have been no surprise that in the last 24 hours, her Tamagotchi has been sick three times and was always beeping incessantly. 

"Rob, you're a horrible mother. You're gonna owe me 5 drinks before we even get our first paycheck." Steve gloats, tucking his healthy, happy, bouncing pet into his pocket before sitting down to lace up his sneakers. 

Meanwhile, Robin who is shoving her feet unceremoniously into her Chucks ignores the shit talking and dishes out some of her own. "Dude, we have to do something about this." She kicks her chin in his direction as he smooths out his clothes. 

"What?" Steve snaps back.

"I can't believe you still dress like that. Honestly. 1984 called, they want their Sears Catalog back." 

"Ok Robin, sorry I didn't know you also got a job as the fuckin fashion police."

"I'm just saying, small town Indiana polo fashion ain't gonna cut it in the big city, boy. You wanna keep bagging hotties like you did the other weekend, we'll have to do something. You don't have to dress for mommy anymore." And as she says the last bit she immediately winces "Sorry. Sorry. I didn't mean … "

"No it's okay, Rob. I know what you're trying to say. Maybe. Maybe once we have some extra money I'll get something new. You can help me. Deal?"

After a few weeks of exploring, Robin and Steve have zeroed in on quite a few of their own places. A bench they prefer in the nearby park, nestled in the shade of a swaying willow tree; a greasy corner store that sells the best breakfasts to sop up what's left of an evening out; an arcade that makes them nostalgic and think of the kids at home and gives them something to talk about when they call; and this place - a nice little coffee shop tucked in between towering complexes and quaint stores just one block over from their place. There are always records playing of the baristas favorite bands, the coffee is good and strong and cheap and they're always open when they need it. 

Steve and Robin have gone to the coffee shop almost daily since they found it. But this time Robin was out on an errand herself so she popped in on her own to grab two cups to-go and bring back to the apartment, where Steve, no doubt, was still sleeping. Perusing the wall of records in rotation while she waits for her order, Robin is startled by a quiet voice beside her, whispering closer in her ear than she's used to from a stranger. "This week it's good stuff, huh? I'm loving The Smashing Pumpkins new one." the voice says. 

Robin's eyes dart to her left and quickly back up to the wall of vinyls, the stranger's proximity and attention making her squirm just a bit. "My last .. girlfriend. She was into all the pop stuff. Not really my vibe, ya know." And at that, Robin's eyes rise to meet the womans who is standing next to her. There's not much that can actually shut Robin Buckley up, but here's a few: a really fuckin' beautiful girl, eye contact and someone casually talking about their sexuality. It was the perfect storm. 

Robin bit her plump, pink lips and nodded at the stranger, feeling a little ridiculous at the interaction so far. What is she supposed to say? Do I ask her about her ex- GIRLFRIEND? Do people really talk that openly here in the city? I don't even know her name! Robin's voice may be silent but her brain is going a mile a minute.

"Alex." The stranger says. Just as the barista shouts Robin! Your order is up! in the background. 

As Robin reaches across the counter for the two steaming cups, Alex counters "And I'm assuming you, are in fact Robin." with a grin. "No boyfriend today?" She says, and as Robin's eyes twist in confusion, she pipes up again "No no, I'm sorry, I'm not being weird I swear. I just come here a lot and I've seen you guys. Nothing freaky I promise."

"No." Is all Robin awkwardly says, totally deadpan. 

Alex waits for more, but nothing comes. After a moment she chuckles, picking up her own cup of tea and raising it to her lips to take a sip, but not before whispering out "No, what?" in a question. 

"Ha. No. No he's not my boyfriend." Robin says as she plays with the hem of her denim cutoff shorts. 

"Ah, too bad. He's a hottie." Alex shrugs and Robin stands confused. It's happening before she knows it started and Robin's dumpster fire of a brain starts rambling. 

"Wait. What? No he's not my boyfriend he's my roommate and yeah we come here, we're still kinda new in town. We're actually from a small town - Hawkins - but what… I'm sorry I thought you said your ex-girlfriend liked pop music so… "

"Yeah. That's what I said." Alex takes another nonchalant sip of her steaming mug. 

" So .. but Steve. He's… " Robin stutters out. 

"Well he is hot isn't he?" The woman counters. 

"I mean, yeah I guess. He has no trouble with the ladies if that's what you mean. Always Mr god-damned Popular cause he has perfect fuckin' hair but I swear they should see him in the morning, it's not all rainbows and butterflies then!" and the words just keep spouting out of her mouth uncontrollably. 

Alex looks on at her, almost endearingly, as she lets her go and spit it all out. "You done?" She asks. 

Robin nods, mutters an apology for her rambling and starts to head towards the door "I should go. Nice to meet you, Alex."

She shuffles her steps quickly in an attempt to bolt as far away as she can from the pretty girl who she just made a fool of herself in front of. God, I'm gonna have to tell Steve we need to find a new coffee place. Shit. 

"Wait! Wait, sorry. I can be intense." Alex muses, kicking her feet at the chair next to where they stand, before looking back at Robin's flushing face. "Yes, I did say ex-girlfriend. I also said your whatever he is is hot. I'm not stalking you, I just must get my tea when you guys get your coffee and, I hope I don't make you totally run off in terror when I say this next part, but I'm gonna anyway - I have just been distracted by you guys. I thought you were both pretty hot and I was distracted by the coffee shop couple every time I'm here. You were solo today so I thought I'd break the ice. Sorry. I hope I'm not making this weird "

Robin's mouth is absolutely hanging open right now. 

"Yeah, so the tables turned pretty quickly and I'm thinking I'm the one that should be embarrassed right now so, hopefully I see hot coffee shop couple around and I didn't totally scare you away from this place. " 

"Oh God, no. The coffee is too good and too cheap for us to stop coming here. He's not my boyfriend. Steve is 100% my roommate and that's it, no coffee shop couple here. Yeah, he's hot but don't you ever tell him that. Christ, he doesn't need a bigger ego. And the last time I talked to a girl like you I think I peed my pants, so excuse me I'm going to go hurl myself off the Willis Tower, if that's okay with you?"

Alex lets out a deep laugh. A genuine one. She reaches out to touch Robin's forearm, to keep her there… or ground her, she's not sure which. "Please don't. I can't have you falling if it's not for me." and at that Robin's eyes go wide as saucers. "Are you free tomorrow? Maybe we could get dinner? Downtown. Meet here so it's not weird and sketchy first…that is, if your hot roommate doesn't mind I borrow you for a bit?"

She's stunned. Robin has never been asked out on a date before. Is this a date? Holy shit.

She musters up every ounce of courage she has to smile and nod. "I get off work at 6, so can we make it 7?" Only to be interrupted in that moment by the shrill chirping on her keychain signifying yet another dead digital pet. 

A wide, sparkling smile spreads on Alex's face as she starts to head out the door, turning back to shout out "7:00, meet you here. Can't wait! "

And as soon as the bell on the door dings and she's sure it's shut, her brain starts catching up and Robin drops both cups of coffee on the floor. 

Today, Murray is not entertained by Steve. Usually the banter between the pair has remained humorous and for the most part, friendly. Today Steve is just pissing him off. 

First Steve dropped an entire shipping box of condoms, spilling single wrapped rubbers all over the floor. It took him an hour and twenty three minutes and three side-eyeing customers stepping over him to clean them all up. Then Steve knocked over the mannequins like dominoes after he struggled with the BDSM display Murray assigned to him for the second part of their shift. Robin snickered as Murray delegated the task to Steve, knowing damn well it was just to make the boy suffer. Robin watched gleefully, sitting at the register, resting her chin in her hand as Steve grumbled through the entire task. At one point, he was fumbling so much with all of the straps and buckles and ties that before he knew it the head of the mannequin he was attempting to gag toppled off its shoulders and knocked three other mannequins down in its wake. All Steve could do in response was throw the ball gag to the side as he stormed off, yelling back "Tell that asshole I took my 15! I'll deal with the bondage when I get back!" 

As he marches off in anger, Murray does in fact slide over and lean down next to Robin. "How's Casanova doing? BDSM not his thing, I see?" He chuckles. Robin cocks a sideways grin at him shaking her head. "He doesn't even know what his thing is, Murray. He's just a lost little puppy."

"What about you, Red. You doing good?"

"Yeah, yeah I am. I think he's stressed because he's not really finding his thing. He's used to things coming easy for him and they're just… not here."

"What does Mr Hometown Heroes' emotional journey have to do with how you're doing, huh?"

"A lot, actually. He's absolutely a bumbling fucking idiot, but he is the kindest person I've ever known. He has a weird way of showing it, but that's because his parents are Grade A assholes. He's been more supportive to me than anyone on this planet and I am trying so hard to help him but I don't know how." 

"Well, Red, this is a journey of lifelong self-discovery. Ya gotta learn to love thyself before you can love another. That goes for both of you, ya know?" and with that, he pushes off the glass countertop and saunters back to his office while humming an indistinguishable tune. 

When Steve returns from his break Robin recognizes the look on his face. It's the one that comes back ready with his head in the game after an excruciatingly awkward pep talk he gave himself - out loud. If anything, all those years of organized sports at least gave him a method to get himself back on track. 

That's why it was so abysmal to watch as he confidently tried to help a young customer, flowing brunette hair curled and brushed out into bouncy ringlets, asking in a tiny voice behind batting eyes to be pointed in the direction of the Ben Wa. 

"Oh yeah, I got you covered on this! Haven't been here long and I never heard of those before our manager got one for us and just the other day I stopped in at this place that looked interesting… "

The customer's eyes narrow, not sure where Steve is going with this conversation just as Murray joins in next to Robin to watch the drama unfold. He brought popcorn this time and was audibly chomping on it with an open mouth behind a gaping smile. "I gotta see where he's going with this." Tilting the bag towards Robin in an offering as they watch. 

"Yeah, so if you just go down the block a few more streets you'll see a place on the corner. It actually says Ben Wa on the window, so you will definitely see it when you get there. I was surprised at how much I liked it!" Steve says to the miffed young lady as she is heading for the door. "Have a great day! Enjoy!" Steve yells after her.

"What the hell man! Where'd you send the good paying customer!" Murray outstretched his arm towards the door before reaching into his bag to throw a kernel of popcorn right square into Steve's forehead. 

"What the fuck, Murray. She wanted to know where to get a fuckin sandwich. Last time I checked we don't sell sandwiches!" He yells as he spins his outstretched arms from left to right, showing off the wares inside the shop. 

"A sandwich? You fuckin' small town nincompoop, no! Ben Wa. Ben Wa balls. She wanted to put 'em up her coochie you idiot!"

Beet red from holding back, Robin finally lets out a cackle that fills the entire store. "Oh my God, someone get me a white board! You gotta be shitting me. This is better than watching him sink at Scoops, hands down."

"Wa-what are you talking about? Ben Wa - like the sandwich from that Korean place? You got it for us for lunch three days ago!"

"Oh for the love of God. You're pretty but you're dumb. BAHN MI. Say it with me BAAHHHN MEEEE" he overemphasized.

"I-i… well.. what… what the fuck man! I don't know!" 

Meanwhile, Robin is on the floor with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard. 

After Robin gets her shit together and Steve returns to his normal shade of sun kissed peach, ever the educator, Murray fills the pair in on what the customer was actually looking for. Pulling them over to a display case in the rear, a menagerie of colorful metallic, glass and silicone balls are laid out for viewing. All the sizes as big as or smaller than an egg, Murray explains both their practical use as well as how they can be used for pleasure. 

"See some ladies come looking for these after they have a baby, nothing to do with getting off… for now at least … everything to do with tightening things back up again. Just a run of the mill afternoon at the vaginal gym shesh." Steve grimaces as the analogy but nods in understanding. "Girls …or guys - might use them to stretch themselves out a bit and train their holes." Robin looks on, fully engaged and taking all the information in earnest. "They have little weights inside though, so if you're wearing them for a while or they're jostling around there's a whole lotta movement in there if you know what I mean. A few tugs on those strings and you got yourself a party." 

The rest of the day goes off without a hitch, but gnawing at the back of Robin's mind are a bright red pair of Ben Wa balls from the display case, round and smooth and silicone, shaped like two cherries on a lime green stem. She's never owned a toy before, and she's feeling kind of intrigued, so while Steve is in the employee room gathering his things and clocking out, Robin seizes the opportunity to pull the toy from the case and ring it up quickly. She rings up the amount, and hastily keys in her employee discount before slipping them into her satchel just before Steve returns to the floor. 

Robin has increasingly spent her free time idling around town and making her own discoveries. She finds herself often at a community park enjoying some local outdoor music that pops up regularly on the weekends and has stumbled upon a vintage bookshop a few doors down from the coffee place that she has made a comfortable home in their reading nook a few days a week while also making fast friends with the laid back cashier there on the weekends. 

Meanwhile Steve has failed at any attempt to casually find something he likes to do on his own and, as evident today at work, there's something that's got him stressed and Robin thinks this is it. He tried to join her at the community park, but he has yet to get into any of the music they're playing and he joined her once at the bookstore when she excitedly wanted to share her big find with her friend, but he just didn't get the hype after sitting there thumbing through a book he had no interest in actually reading. The apartment doesn't have any cable, and there's only so much coffee shop and Tamagotchi a guy pushing 30 can handle. Needless to say, city life isn't coming as naturally for Steve as it is for Robin and that is throwing him for an absolute loop. 

After a long talk on the fire escape over a cigarette, Robin actually had some wise insight into Steve's problem. "Dude, it's because you don't have any hobbies! Tell me one thing you've ever done because you chose to do it?"

"Robs, I played sports for years! Of course I have hobbies!" 

"No. That's not what I mean. Who signed you up for those? Who made sure you made the varsity team your first year? Who told you to run laps? Do you still play them now? Just cause you convinced yourself you liked it, doesn't mean you actually did."

And that resonated with Steve. He thought about why he actually liked all the baseball, all the nights on the basketball court and all the swim meets - it wasn't because he actually liked the sports, he liked how it made him feel to win. For his dad to give a shit every once in a while. For his teammates to need him. So Steve stayed up late that night, gazing at the stars on that fire escape and thinking long and hard about how he has spent his time - team sports that his dad got him into that eventually made himself feel useful, dialing up radio stations that played music he heard at other people's parties and cassette tapes of other people's favorite songs in his glove compartment, cooking meals that he has to or else he wouldn't be fed. 

The only damn thing he ever chose to do himself was watch out for those godforsaken kids back home and even through all his griping about them, it was always worth it. But driving a bunch of preteens around doesn't constitute an interest. "Fuck man, I don't even know myself." He muses into the late night sky, taking one last long drag before closing the window behind himself and idling off to bed. 

The next day, the two had a late start at The Hideout, and Robin threw her satchel over her shoulder while yelling out to Steve "Dingus, I'm going out to the bookshop for a bit. Need anything while I'm out?" 

"Nah Robs, I'm good."

"Kay - don't miss me while I'm out and you're home sulking!" She pokes, and the door clicks shut behind her leaving him in the quiet. Steve reaches for the radio and as he dials the station over to filter out the static and he's immediately back to thinking about last night. Why am I even putting on this station? I don't even think I like these songs, do I? He thinks to himself. So Steve sets out that morning to try and figure something out about himself. 

Inspired by the records displayed every week at the coffee shop, Steve finds himself fingering through bins of Vinyls at a record shop he found as he walked about the neighborhood. "Anything we can help you with, man?" the employee asks as he approaches. 

" Uh yeah. Actually I think…I mean, I think I want to get some records."

" Oh bud, happy to help! What are you into and what kind of player do you have?"

Steve stares at the man, stubble on his jawline, in a fitted yellow Queen T Shirt that looks worn and soft coupled with his ripped denim. A man that looks like he knows what he likes. Steve's stare is blank and he's absolutely at a loss. "I'm sorry, I have no idea. I should go."

"My brother, music is for everyone. Let me hook you up and we'll figure it out. No need to stress."

The man spends the next hour showing Steve how to use a basic model record player. They try out a few different vinyls to see what he might like. After a while, the pair have a stack piled up next to the record player - Queen, Fleetwood Mac, Tears for Fears, Red Hot Chili Peppers and a few others littered with popular music and rock artists he didn't really know by name before - and Steve is checking out. 

As he's getting ready to hand over a stack of cash to the man that helped him discover what kind of music he likes, they're interrupted by a deep hum, "Now that's a nice stack you got there." Steve turns around and is a little taken aback by what he sees. It's you…and you're standing there all casual and comfortable, looking very at ease in the record shop. "Hey Brian. What's up?" You nod in the kind man's direction.

"Hey hot stuff, I got what you came for back here. Just let me finish up with this guy and I'll get you taken care of. "

"Hi" Steve waves in your direction. "I'm sorry." No one quite sure what he's actually apologizing for in the least.

"No need to be sorry, you were here first. I just came to pick up the new Pearl Jam record and I am in absolutely no rush."

"Pearl Jam?" Steve questions. 

"Yeah man. Eddie Vedder? You might actually like it, all things considered." The man named Brian motions to the eclectic stack Steve has accumulated during his visit. 

Looking back at you standing there, not impatiently, just smiling brighter than the sun, he mutters "Yeah cool. Yeah I mean, if you have another can I add that? I'll give it a try."

And as Steve loads up his wares in his arms and turns to leave, your charismatic smile finds him one last time, " I hope you like it… ." You draw out waiting for him to fill in the blank. 

"Steve." He finishes for you.

You nod, "I hope you like it, Steve"

The next night at the apartment, Robin is gearing up for her date and she is absolutely in her head about it. She has asked Steve one hundred times today if he's sure this is a date. "But Stevie's she .. I really think she might just want to hang out and be friends." 

"Robin, I swear to Christ if you don't just STOP this." Steve sucks in a clipped breath before continuing on. "It's a date. I'm one hundred percent sure this girl asked you on a date and you're going. Relax, please! Fuck, you're stressing me out and I have nothing to do with any of this!" Steve shouts for the last time tonight, leaving Robin in the bathroom doorway, staring at herself in the mirror trying to make herself presentable.

Through the damp hair falling into her vision and the steam still speckling on the mirror after her shower, the girl is trying desperately to hype herself up and get ready to spend time with Alex. But Robin is not a confident creature. She's starting to feel herself crawl back inside the cave forged deep in her personality and carved into the bedrock of Hawkins, Indiana. "I gotta fuckin' snap out of this." She says to her reflection, splashing water on her face and retreating back to her bedroom. 

She hears the new and welcome sound of vinyl scratching from Steve's bedroom, before the reverberation of Fleetwood Mac's The Chain blares loudly through the walls. She sighs, sitting there still wrapped in her towel from after her shower, mind wandering to Alex and her tall, thin frame. Still not sure how a girl like that was referring to her as the hot one, Robin's thoughts drift to the deep black of the woman's mascara, fanning her eyelashes out and emphasizing her deep green eyes. She thinks about how she was too much of a spaz to appreciate the curve of her cupid's bow and she's still not sure if she was imagining the softness of the swell of her hips or not. 

Mixed up in thought, Robin's forearms graze the front of her towel and the rough material scratches at her exposed nipples underneath. She lets out a wispy gasp, not realizing just how turned on she was until that second. Her mind is racing. She looks at the clock and sees she has 20 minutes until she needs to head downstairs to the shop to meet Alex. Immediately she eyes her bedside table, knowing those deep red, cherry Ben Wa balls are sitting just inside. She thinks about what Murray has been saying and all of his preaching about “loving thyself before you can love another, Red!" and with one last racing thought of the woman who actually wants to take her on a date… out in public, she's clamoring for the drawer. 

She has never been more grateful that Steve has picked up a new interest, and that it was a loud one, because as she lets the towel draping her body loosen while she's leaning back into her soft cotton pillowcases she lets out a soft whimper before she's even touched herself once. Robin tentatively lets her soft hands and glossy nails trace the outline of her slit, delicately rubbing and pressing on where she needs it most and experimentally flicking the hood of her clit. After considering things one last time, she purses her eyes closed tight and holds her breath as she guides one of the cherry balls inside her opening. 

The gasp that leaves her throat this time isn't soft and quiet and she finds herself gyrating and writhing as she rubs and tugs at the cherry stems attached to her toy. The weights inside are rolling and undulating just like Murray said they would, sending vibrations up and back down her body. Robin feels filthy, thinking about Alex as she uses her free hand to rub at her clit while still pressing in and tugging at the ball with her other, but not filthy enough to deny how much she is enjoying this game she is playing with herself. 

Robin's eyes are rolled back in her head as her orgasm rushes over her, the weights of the ball continuing to move and rattle inside coax her through her comedown. Thighs shaking and breath stuttering, she lets out a deep sigh "Holy fuckin' shit. I love my job." 

Fumbling and running late after her little self-love session, Robin bounds through the doors of the coffee shop a little dramatically. As part of her grand entrance, she knocks her hip into the chair of the two-top situated right inside the entryway and doubles over at the pain. "Shit." She means to whisper, but instead says at a volume loud enough to reach the back of the shop, and if the entrance alone didn't alert Alex to her arrival, she certainly would have heard that.  

The barista greets Robin cheerfully by name just as Alex walks up to greet her with her hand outstretched, coffee cup there as an offering to break the ice. "I thought you might need a pick me up after work. She hooked me up with your usual order, so… "

Robin feels her freckles burn at the gesture, like they do after a day at the lake in the sun. She catches Alex's eyes scanning her body and she feels her chest flush, no doubt accentuated by the emerald green satin tank that's cut a bit lower than she usually ventures. The deep color making her hair, her eyes and her fair skin pop, covered by a cropped denim jacket DIY frayed at the edges has definitely caught her date's eye. 

"I wanted to pop into this Gallery I really love, if you don't mind indulging my creative side tonight? It's a great spot and… there's a graphic artist showing there now I just gotta check out before it's gone. It's this amazing social commentary on pregnancy as a lesbian. Like a totally butch lesbian decides to get pregnant with her partner, so what now? It's just… I gotta see it. The diversity at this place is phenomenal."

Robin's wide eyes are not white in astonishment this time, but instead they're with pure intrigue and reverence. Knowing that not only are there people like her in this city, but enough people that feel the same or respect it enough to go to an art gallery to check out doodles about a pregnant butch lesbian and it's not the butt of a homophobic joke is… enthralling to her. She nods vehemently "Hell yeah, that sounds…  really amazing. I mean… I'm not used to that kind of transparency, so, yeah. Let's do it."

And as they turn to leave the shop, coffee and tea in respective hands, Robin feels the tickle of a finger brushing her open palm. Barely registering what is happening, she finds herself in a brief yet unnecessary panic as she feels Alex's hand settle in, intertwined with hers. She can't help but scan her surroundings for passerby oggling the two women holding hands and walking down the sidewalk, but she saw not one the whole walk down the block to the train platform. The thrill of holding a pretty lady's hand out in public is sending tingles up her spine, or maybe it's the gentle, internal humming of the Ben Wa balls she opted to keep inside for the evening, but Robin could definitely get used to this. She smirks at herself as they ascend the steps towards the incoming train and asks curiously,"So tell me, what's this artist's name?

Meanwhile, Robin just missed Steve on the same platform not 10 minutes earlier. Shortly after Robin finally headed out, Steve found himself standing in the kitchen staring at a barren refrigerator - nothing more than a carton of milk, some OJ and a row of eggs left in there for him to choose from. He tries not to be irritated at his current situation, but he can't help the groan he lets out as he reaches for the phone, readying himself to order way too much pizza for one lonely guy on his couch late at night. 

Before he finishes dialing he shakes his head, thinking about how he doesn't have to keep himself cooped up here. He has done so much on his own, but all of that was such a… necessity. Is it really that crazy to go off and do something alone without it being totally pitiful? "I mean, Robin goes places by herself all the time." He muses to himself. 

So that's how he found himself hopping off the train downtown and wandering into the first restaurant that looked reasonable and …  good. Not just food but something he might actually enjoy tasting. It's a quaint Italian place. Authentic, by the looks of it. Walls lined with corked bottles of olive oil and limoncello, twinkle lights strewn over the white lattice work ceiling, the unmistakable smell of carbohydrates and garlic. 

This is yet another something he hasn’t ever done before. Not just a quick bite or a fast food, but instead going out to a proper restaurant and sitting down for a real meal. Solo. Alone. Alone but NOT lonely, he thinks. In the past 24 hours since Robin pointed out that he never does anything for himself that he enjoys, he has done a lot of introspection and has made it a point to seek out new experiences hoping something will stick. Sitting at the cozy little restaurant place downtown adorned with faux plants, and filled with tables of other guests, he finds himself so grateful to have Robin’s perspective and support. So instead of worrying about how he's not sharing the table with a date, or Robin or anyone else for that matter, he's toasting to her, in absentia.  

On the other side of town, Robin and Alex find themselves tucked into a booth at a dimly lit, definitely more trendy than she’s ever experienced before in her life, kind of bar. Alex has the table filled with an assortment of bites to eat and has ordered up all of the bartender's signature drinks on a mission to get Robin to broaden her horizons and shake that small town dust off of her coattails. “Ok, so, we have to find something here that you’re into. You can’t just tell me warm beer or straight shots are your drinks of choice - every city girl’s gotta have their go-to cocktail.” 

Robin first confidently grabs at the Manhattan from the selections laid out in front of hrr, recognizing the deep amber of the liquid and the familiar smell of whiskey that reminds her of Steve. It is quickly after she brings it to her lips that she sputters it back out, spraying the cocktail over her hand and most likely, her date. Alex says nothing about it, eyeing the ruby red blush on Robin’s cheeks and chest, but she stifles a small laugh before she says “Got it. No whiskey cocktails. Check. Here, here…cleanse your palate.” She says, handing her a small plate filled with creamy green, roasted artichokes splayed out like a lotus flower. “They’re the best in the city. Stuffed artichokes - ya know? They’re my favorite. Doesn’t hurt that they’re an aphrodisiac, huh?”

And if Robin hadn’t already spit out that whiskey drink, she definitely would have at that. So bold. So brazen. Dumbfounded that even at how blatant Alex has been with her flirting all night, it didn’t prepare her for that comment and the implications it held behind her eyes. And when Robin didn’t move to immediately grab a bite, Alex instead responded by picking up a delicate stuffed petal and holding it out to Robin’s pillowy lips, urging her to open up. She tentatively parted those lips and took a bite, wide-eyed at the flavor and simultaneously at the way Alex’s eyes remained locked on hers. 

Before the end of the date, Robin had successfully spilled a cup of water, knocked over the salt shaker and tried sips of 6 different cocktails before she settled in with a bright orange and red drink in a highball glass, lips wrapped around the straw and playing with the stem of the cherry hanging over the side of her glass. “This one is definitely a winner.” She grins, as she turns to look at Alex, excited to have found something that she likes while simultaneously excited that she finds she doesn’t really care that she did no less than 10 embarrassing things on this date anymore. She doesn’t feel embarrassed in the least and that is still a pretty new feeling for her.

“Why am I not surprised? I should have known.” Alex laughs out.

Robin shrugs, a questioning look in her eye as she sucks down the last of the drink, rattling the ice as the straw drains the cup of the last of it, loud enough to turn a head in the booth next to theirs when she forgets she’s someplace a certain level of chic that Hawkins must repel just by its sheer podunk nature.

Alex leans in close, right next to Robin’s ear to whisper, but makes sure she pulls back just as quickly to watch the flush spread over her freckled face like she knew it would “I should have known you’d like Sex on the Beach.” Sealed with a wink. 

And with that, the ice wasn’t the only thing rattling anymore, as Robin is keenly reminded as she feels the shudder travel up and down her spine that she chose to keep those Ben Wa balls.

"And she said what to you? Oh yeah, your date wants to get in your pants. For SURE.” Steve said as the cool edge of a frosted mug hit his tongue. It was a long day at The Hideout and they barely had time to shoot the shit between odd jobs and a colorful group of customers, and Robin got in so late last night that he didn’t even get to grill her about her date when she rolled in. Disregard the fact that Steve was tucked soundly in his bed after a nice warm belly full of pasta and red wines (who knew, he liked red wine? He sure didn’t). After such a long day, and the bet hanging in the air, the pair stumbled upon a local dive bar on their walk home and that’s where they find themselves now - unwinding and finding themselves totally relaxed in the warm, dimly lit and unceremonious Benny’s Taproom.

“God, Steve, I don’t want to talk about it!”

“What do you mean, you don’t want to talk about it? You owe me three drinks and you’ve gotta spill your guts, Robbie.” 

“Ahhh, I don’t want to hear about the bet, Steve! I’ve been a little distracted. My keychain has been the least of my worries, genius.”

“Excuses, excuses.” he winks, the beer tasting even better knowing it was his prize for caring for his tamagotchi much better than his friends, just as he suspected. Robin cycled through three whole pets so far, while Steve’s has grown into a thriving, young thing and he gloats about it every moment he can. “Now, spill it. I need to know the details about your date, Robin. Stop avoiding this.”

As they sit there arguing over digital pets and sharing (or avoiding) stories of their night prior, a gravely ahem comes from over the bar as the gruff, stone faced and bearded man behind it places his hands wide on the counter in front of the two friends. “If you’re in my bar, drinking my drinks, then you gotta share, missy. This place is boring lately, and you guys are fresh meat, so please…entertain us with your stories. I gotta live for something around here.” he sternly says to the two, before he smiles wide and says “If you’re here, you’re family, so listen to your friend and give us the scoop, for God sakes!” 

Robin tells them about her first date - about all of the coy flirting, about all of the embarrassing things that didn’t feel so terribly embarrassing in front of her date, about all of the appetizers and cocktail tastings, about the menu items spread out on their table with double entendres and that Alex kept ordering things she kept referring to as Aphrodisiacs “I swear I thought aphrodisiac was another word for Oysters, and then I thought that it meant something sexual just because … oysters. They’re like…ya know.” as she blinks her eyes downwards to her lap.

“Oh honey, he is into you.” Jim breathes out as he adjusts to lean back against the sink with his arms crossed.

Maybe it was Robin’s tight-lipped smile in response to that, or maybe it was how Steve gargled his last sip of beer right back into the mug before setting it down on the ratty old, stained coaster on the bar, but Jim’s eyes flitted between the pair looking for the information he must certainly be missing. 

“Ah!” He claps his hands together as he takes Steve’s mug, swirls it around eyeing the backwash, throws it in the sink and fetches another one. He immediately moves over to the tap to refill it while noting “Alex…. He’s a she…isn’t she?” 

Jim leans over the bar, braced on his elbows and spends the next twenty minutes telling her that she's just had a taste of what the city has to offer. .. a taste of dating. A taste of Alex. And if she's feeling like that - if one taste is making her feel so so good, it's worth embracing it and diving right in.

TAGLIST: @livsters @katie-tibo @johnricharddeacy @angywritesstuff @k-k0129 @tisthedamnseason69 @middle-of-the-earth @thebrazilianatheist  @mochminnie @micheledawn1975 @falling-throughthe-hourglass @rafaaoli @ash5monster01 @gabessock @onyxslayss

The artist referenced in this Chapter is A.K. Summers who did, in fact host an exhibit at a Chicago Gallery in 1993. See her work Pregnant Butch here

[youremyheaven]

I think I seen you mention your ex having a swati placement, correct me if I’m wrong! my ex boyfriend was a swati moon and I wanna share my experience. swati men are selfish and obsessed with themselves imo. swati men are cool from a distant but actually being with them is a different story. also they are too hyper for me like while I was dating my swati ex, he had a opinion for everything and criticized a lot of things ( also criticized the things I liked whenever I would share something) He was very much obsessed with material matters and he always wanted his own free time like such as playing games and barelyyyy gave me attention. he also researched random niche stuff up, played games, smoked hella weed and didn’t take care of his well being. he also got mad if I labeled him a certain label. also he was very image based and constantly wanted to look cool infront of other people meanwhile I saw his real side. It didn’t help that I’m an ashwini moon and that relationship was just not it… He also was emotionally abusive and would constantly lie in my face even when I had proof. rahu men and their lies I swear…whenever I caught him in a lie, he would literally gaslight me even when I showed receipts. It drove me insane lmaooo. they straight up lie to your face and don’t caree lol. I don’t wanna generalize swati/rahu men but I yet to meet a green flag rahu man. after breaking up with him, I was like why was I even with him??? Like my mind wasn’t thinking clearly when I was with him and now I see things clearly and breaking up with him was the best thing ever. my days with rahu men are overrr 🤮

Also I did a whole 180 and I’m currently talking to a Vishakha moon man and I never met such a attentive and respectful person like I’m baffled omg because this man is actively courting me 😳👉👈 He’s so sweet tooo like ugh 😭 He has a moon atmakaraka and my darakaraka is my moon so oop 🫣

IM SRRY FOR THE LONG POST ILY🩷

so happy to hear that you left his ass and now you're with someone better 🫶🏼

I'm revaluating my relationship with my Swati ex, he has a 4h stellium (4h = Cancer= Moon influence) and he has Sun & Mercury in Swati. He was a huge liar. Initially he told me that him & his ex were not exclusively seeing each other, that they did everything couples do but she didn't want to label it as a relationship and all that. It ended because she refused to move to his city. He later said that she cheated on him twice which, ??? how is she cheating if the two of you were never exclusive lol he just lies about random shit and when i confronted him, he'd act like the victim lol in fact when I ended things with him, he told me he's just gotten out of the hospital from a suicide attempt and that he's sorry for everything he did lmfao like mf will lie about?? anything??

he was a video game ass mfer too, always indulged in substances and told me veryyy elaborate lies but OMG being with him was so intoxicating like Rahu's Maya had veiled me completely (doesn't help that we have 8h & 12h, Moon conjunct Rahu synastry) like i was so manic around him 🤮🤮🤧

But the minute I left his ass, the fog has lifted and i see clearly everything that was wrong with him

Thanku so much for sharing your experiences 🥺🥺it's so helpful 🫶🏼 I'll steer clear of Rahu men henceforth 🤧😪😔

[gingerteaonthetardis]

well, @nerdie-faerie, when i tried to answer your ask, tumblr ate it. just absolutely gobbled it up and deleted my draft. but here's my response to your prompt (must be a day ending with 'y'), a little later than expected.

you gave me free reign to pick a doctor, so i chose four for reasons that i think will become clear right away. the best parts of the doctor are often his companions, you know...

anyway, in spite of the delay and technical difficulties, i hope you enjoy!

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

At the sight of the soaring toaster, Romana did the sensible thing and ducked for cover.

Leela, on the other hand—who had just dashed into the room with her hair in wild disarray—stood her ground, watching the violent exchange with her usual baffled intensity.

"What is this?" she asked no one in particular. "Are we under attack?"

As if in answer, a terrific shout—not unlike a battle-cry—rang out across the console room, followed visibly by a streak of blonde and bright, lobster-y pink, weaving through the mess.

"Help!" cried the Doctor from somewhere—behind a coat rack, it seemed like, stuffed with eccentrically-coloured furs. He apparently had chosen the spot to take shelter from flying objects. "I'm under attack!"

At the sound of his voice, Leela's jaw dropped.

"They are fighting," she marveled, turning to Romana in dismay. "Again."

"Mm, yes," Romana drily agreed. "Must be a day ending with 'y.'"

Her tone was lost on the other woman, of course, who seemed more preoccupied with observing Rose—and poor Rose, she really did feel for the girl, especially after being stranded in that awful, muggy pleasure palace for two weeks.

That is, two weeks relatively. The Doctor had actually realised his error—with a rather baffled, panicky, "Have I misplaced my wife?"—immediately and turned the TARDIS around, inasmuch as it could be done, in under thirty seconds.

However, his obvious repentance was not currently under attack. Only his driving. And Rose seemed intent on making her point using every projectile at her disposal. It was lucky for her—and perhaps unlucky for the Doctor—that the TARDIS was in the middle of something not unlike Spring cleaning.

That is, it wasn't precisely Spring anywhere nearby, and the console room could not currently be called clean, but the ship was making an effort, it seemed, to offload some of her extra bulk to one central location. Presumably, she wished for much of it—the toaster, the technicolour furs—to be taken out with the trash.

The Doctor, meanwhile, persisted in hiding in the refuse while Rose flung bits of it in his general direction.

"Two weeks!" came the shrill, emphatic cry. "I was left fending off the extremely slimy advances of some snail-faced, pond-scummy blob king for two—bloody—weeks! All because you can't be bothered to read one stupid little manual!"

Rose's words were punctuated by two flying shoes. Her own, Romana could only hope. They landed with a thunk-thunk against one of the roundels, and then fell down and knocked something over behind the coat rack with a clatter. The Doctor yelped.

"I didn't mean for it to take two weeks," he protested. "You must know that!"

"Should we break them up?" Leela asked, voice hushed.

"They had me sunbathing five hours a day!" cried Rose. "I'll be shedding burnt skin for ages! I look like a lobster!"

"A lovely lobster." The Doctor's voice was muffled by coats. A few must have fallen on him. "Prettiest of the lot."

Wrong move, Doctor, thought Romana with a shake of her head. Aloud, she said, "No, I don't think we should."

Rose made a protesting noise that was something between a growl and a squeal. She had quite an impressive range, when it came down to it. For all she was young and occasionally quite silly—now, for example—the older woman couldn't help but admire her… thoroughness. And her spirit.

And she kept the Doctor on his toes, which was certainly no small task.

Not that he needed it, necessarily. His balance was bad enough on two flat feet.

Poking her head up from behind the console, Romana tried to take stock of the rustling sound that was Rose reaching with both hands to part the contents of the coat rack, behind which she could just make out the huddled Doctor.

His knees were pulled up to his chest, and his eyes were wide. Not fearful, but sort of alarmed in a general way. His wife's distress always made him distressed, not that he was normally aware of that fact. He didn't project an attitude of particularly conscious empathy.

Rather, his feelings for Rose seemed to strike him as a frequent and overpowering surprise.

Just apologise, you buffoon, Romana thought, rolling her eyes, and have done with it. They would both be happy again, and she could get a moment's peace.

The Doctor's mind seemed to move along similar lines, though not with any particular alacrity. His face suddenly scrunched up, his brows all compressed and petulant, and he cried, "Well, all right! All right, I'm sorry. Is that what you want me to say?

"I am sorry for throwing the TARDIS manual into a Saggitarian supernova and learning—rather impressively, I think—on the fly! That is, literally on the fly, Rose. And I am sorry the King of the Snit'snails was so awful to you and boiled you alive." Here, his contrition seemed to become more genuine. Some of his indignance went away. "I'll get you some sun cream, hm? And I'll put it on your shoulders for you."

"That is kind of him, surely," whispered Leela.

"Oh, not a bit," Romana whispered back. "He's just angling to get to touch her ever again."

"We can hear you both, you know," snapped the Doctor, poking his head out from between the furs. "And you are making a mess of my apology!"

Rose spoke up before Romana could. "You made quite a mess of it yourself, Doctor," she said. But her tone was calmer, bordering on amused. The tempest was over; now, they were all sailing on relatively calm seas. She stretched out her hand.

The Doctor took it. But instead of using it to help himself up, he simply shook it a little and, when she didn't remove it, pulled it to his lips to press a kiss on the skin of her palm. Rose tittered a laugh that made the Doctor smile in his giddy, infatuated way.

Fools, the both of them, Romana thought to herself.

Leela nudged Romana's hip. "I think it is time to leave."

"Yes, I think so," the Doctor agreed, too-loudly, making eyes at Rose all the while. And rather than protest how ridiculous that would be—for they'd only come into the console room a few minutes ago, ready once again to ship out on another absurd adventure—Romana took Leela's proffered hand and retreated without a parting glance.

The mess there could be left for another day.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

more lighthearted prompts...

[anulithots]

Aww thank you (and @dancinginsepia)

(Also also, I have a digital paper tablet called the reMarkable, so it gives off the feeling of paper, but I can delete lines and copy and paste... so it does make drawing a bit easier. But in general, it's helpful to look at a reference or a tutorial, then try drawing a shorthand for it in your own style (so the black eyes and simpler shapes for me). Personally, I like drawing as simply as possible, so this is what works for me <3)

Anywho, I got ideas at two am, and would like to share them!

First off, an idea for the general shapes of their human forms -

Subject to change, may fix it later.

AND CONCEPTUALIZING -

So I've wanted to do an exploration for the whole 'western'/'new age' thinking (peruse happiness to the ends of the earth) vs the 'eastern'/'traditional' way of thinking (family and community is most important, listen and you'll be happy automatically, because your individualism will lead you down a dark path) for a while. There seems to be quite the divide, as if you have to choose one path or the other. (This is more of an exploration of these things conceptually, not necessarily how it actually functions irl)

If you follow the new age path: you're rebellious, seen as immature, and as if your thoughts are smaller and dumb. If you follow the traditional path: You'll never please the others, no matter how hard you try, and it can require more effort than you can give - forget about being special needs.

AND CHARACTER CREATION-

On the self-led side, we have Haru - the froggo (He/they)

Wants - to be self-fulfilled and live a weird life that suits them best.

Fears - being ostracized by family (because he still loves them dearly)

They believe that they can't be anything without their family, and that if he were to be ostracized, he simply wouldn't survive.

He's AroAce, has ~mad scientist~ vibes. Has bug collections and is obsessed with them. Just a quirky little guy.

(Also also, Haru's backstory involves not being able to socialize well, and being bullied by the others - although they don't know if it's 'actual bullying' or not - and he ends up really relying on their younger siblings to let him know what's going on because he doesn't understand their social norms.)

On the traditional side, we have Bhek (means Toad, I think it'll be funny if there's a few words of Urdu sprinkled here and there, and meanwhile he's just named 'Toad'.)

Pronouns - He/she

The gentle giant. Also a musician, she plays the tubla (my brothers are learning it, so I can just ask them the specifics)

He tries very hard to do everything the other royals ask of her, but it's quite taxing. She never has enough energy for all of it and is baffled by everyone else's endless supply.

Wants to have his family members be proud of him, and have that ~validation~. Also needs the constant assurances that he's loved.

Fears that this path is too much for him, that she will break one day, and his family would prefer that.

Believes that she needs to push herself to the limit and past to show that he isn't lazy and can do what everyone else can.

(I'm thinking the backstory would be that Bhek got very exhausted with an important royal assignment or smth, and was told that everyone else could do it, and he was just being lazy.)

Now, dear audience, for the:

~*inciting incident*~

(I'm doing my writing process all out of order, but I'll fill in the gaps later.)

So why were they cursed?

In order to keep fairytale (have to look up South Asian fairytales that aren't too religious) level catastrophes and confusion at bay, all royals must choose a life philosophy at age... 16-ish?

Neither Haru nor Bhek can decide between the two - because of their warring fears and wants - so they are cursed to be a frog and a toad. They must find a life philosophy in the terms of a 'true love' (IDK, may change later.)

And they villages they go through have a mixture of this aesthetic:

And this aesthetic

credit to @neytirix, she is the biggest inspiration ever.

✨️ 🧡🌙SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL KEEP THE GAME GOING✨️🧡 (I love your banner!!)

Aww thank you, I have another drawing of my queer frogs if you're interested <3

So I imagine that they get turned into frogs (frog and toad????) and they travel from nature-fantasy-style village to village looking for a cure, only to end up falling in love with each other, and the curse is broken.

(Although I've been wanting to tell a story about a queer platonic relationship since forever, so I imagine that they fall in love in that sort of way - not romantic, but not platonic either.)

And I'm thinking of kingdoms and villages that are more of a South Asian style than a European style, it would give me an excuse to actually do some research on my heritage. (They're going to drink so much Chai.)

....Also also, I need names for them.

[a-lonely-dunedain]

11, 12, 17, 34?

"11. If you could have one npc as a companion to run around with you, who would it be? would it be the same for all your characters?"

my blorbo my guy my friendo Corunir!!! I get so SAD every time the quests make me leave him, so I'm taking him with me <3! if I can have different NPC buddies on different characters, I would probably use this feature to save some NPCs from their fates. one takes Candaith, another Lorniel- tho it would make some quest dialogue a bit funny if these choices don't change the plot. (Golodir: "I wish we hadn't lost Lorniel..." Companion!Lorniel: "father I'm right here." Golodir: "sometimes I can still hear her voice..." Companion!Lorniel: "quit telling people I'm dead!"). so yeah, Ethedis and probably a few other character would have Corunir (bc not all my alts have personalities and backstories so I'd just use them to replay content with him), I think Leagriel might have Elrohir, for Blorbo (yes, from your shows!) it's a toss-up between Bingo Boffin and Tubi Thickfist (that guy who has one quest in Moria and I LOVE his name. you can get a glove item from him called "thickfist's thickfists"), oh and Lothrandon gets to hang out with his son, obviously.

"17. Were there any plot twists that really got you somehow?"

*points at Black Book of Mordor Epilogue* does it count if I already knew what the ending was before the story started, but I was just shook by how we got there? bc uh, I'm gonna say I was NOT ready for the wanderer's backstory. oh yeah and *gestures vaguely at Mordirith* him too! and on a related note: shockingly enough the Falcon Clan thing didn't really surprise me? I mean the aftermath did, like we lost A LOT more than I expected there, but the betrayal itself didn't come totally outta left field for me. Tur Morva was always a little off y'know? like how the area was always layered, the stable master and LI vendors are all located at a camp far outside the city, and the whole thing was instanced off. as I was questing there I just had this sneaking suspicion of "huh, this place will probably be full of hostile mobs at some point, that would explain why it's so empty. something really bad is about to happen!" and like, yeah. it did.

it's the same thing with how you know an early game NPC has a good chance of dying or not depending of weather or not there's a door separating them from the overworld. I.E Toradan's room in the Mad Badger means he'll likely die bc the game can just lock you out of that room. meanwhile Candaith is totally safe at his camp in the overworld because at the time the devs didn't have the ability to make NPCs disappear after you finish a quest (I mean clearly that's no longer the case, but you can still see evidence of how it used to be)

"12. Do you have any particular playstyle(s)? (solo vs group play, landscape questing, pvmp, roleplay, etc.)"

well I mostly do solo landscape questing, it is generally what I prefer, but also because I'm far too shy to join groups lol. I'd love to do more group content but the only groups I know are raiding groups and I'm worried about embarrassing myself in front of them ^^; (I do know how to play yellow LM fairly well tho) same goes for roleplaying, I've done some before and it's been really fun but once again I'm Too Shy to join in or start my own groups (like take my shyness about doing group content and make it x1000)

"34. Do you have any wishlist things you would like to see added some day?"

*inhales*

Dwarf Loremasters.

I cannot even begin to describe how much it Baffles me that Hobbit LMs of all things got added and NOT dwarf LMs. I care about this a very abnormal amount and I won't even try to hide it. but if I try to speak at length about it I will rant for paragraphs so we're not going to do that today <3 just know that I will forever be bothered by the lack of dwarf LMs in this game til my dying day.

[buffpidgey]

Apparently I haven't read enough 00s fma/hp crossovers, because I don't really know what the formula was, and now I'm curious--what's the formula, roughly, and how does aystiagi violate/subvert it?

Ahhh my cat walked across my keyboard and deleted my first attempt at answering this.

Ok, big points: I’m probably also drawing on other anime crossovers in my generalizations because oh damn. Were there a lot of them and oh damn. Did I read a lot of them.

But a lot of these crossovers have a core of the main characters coming in and very often making friends with Harry and Co. Maybe there’s a bit of standoffishness between Harry and Ed, but it ends up with everyone learning everything.

There’s also always always the overdramatic boggart scene. Not that I don’t like a good boggart! But a lot of times people have given boggarts way more power than I think they have/should have. These are creatures who hide and use shapeshifting to try and SCARE people off. If they’re scaring, they’re bluffing, and bluffs are, by their nature, lies that can’t do what they’re promising.

Anyway, aside from Cerulean Silver and Amber Gold and its echos where Ed is contracted to protect DRACO instead of Harry, the other common variation is where either Ed or Roy are professors at Hogwarts.

I never read many of those; I just can’t buy Ed as a teacher of people his age, or if he’s aged up I’m not really interested in that, and I’m not interested enough in Roy that his presence alone out of the FMA cast would last me through the story.

Centering in on the ‘Ed as bodyguard’ subset of these crossovers, it seems that Ed is folded into the Trio’s plotting very easily, that he’s willing to work with people in the Order, and that his English is already good.

Looking at FMA now I’m realizing that Ed isn’t actually great at People? Like, if he doesn’t have a goal in mind he’s pleasant, but he’s suffered the exact kind of phenomenon as real life kids who were in gifted programs- he’s got all the book learning, but his interpersonal skills are. Not great.

(See: how when a dude insults Winry’s automail he decides he needs to sabotage the arm wrestling contest. True it’s a very shonen thing to do, but not super mature, especially in how he goes from 0 to 60 at the drop of a hat there)

I think people have overestimated how interested Ed would be in Harry’s life in general? Ed’s NOT interested in people. Or he tries not to be. He’s hyper-focused on his goal, and any help he gives on the way to that is almost incidental. It’s overhearing one muttered phrase that convinces Ed to save the mines, and it’s Cornello’s own escalations that pushed Ed to overthrow him.

Though I will admit that if Ed learned that the guy was aiming to start a war or something, he would have put his foot down then too.

So sure this Harry kid has a guy after him, but the guy doesn’t have the stone, there are no rumors that would lead him to the stone, so Ed is going to focus on trying to find THAT as much as he can while protecting this Harry kid while they’re inside what is considered one of the most well protected places in the country, if not the planet.

Another thing that I know I do differently is having Ed not having issue with magic. A ton of these fics love to have Ed baffled and indignant at the issue that magic could be a THING. Which, to a certain point is fun. But I think at the end of the day trying to dissect how HP magic works in a physics sense is less fun because it’s not supposed to work like that and if the author isn’t careful it turns into a headcanon with like 2k added words describing investigative actions that could have been used to build narrative tension, but that’s just my opinion.

There are more notes I could make - like how people often throw Ed through The Gate to get him into crossovers and that adds a huge layer of confusion (which can be good or just messy depending), but you asked for a rough outline and this is already getting long.

So.... what I do different in AYSTAGI....

I think the biggest thing that I’ve done is that I’m focusing less on a kind of ideal where everyone would get along, and more of an emphasis on the negative qualities of Ed an Harry’s interpersonal skills at this point in their lives.

I’m also trying to balance these failings on each of the boys’ parts. They’re both making mistakes- though I think I should into balancing out Harry’s part of it a little more. They’re both unreliable narrators in their own ways.

Harry is so damn fed up with everyone not telling him everything that when his new Order mandated buddy doesn’t immediately get on the same wavelength as him and his friends, he sees it as another betrayal, and he’s not entirely wrong. Harry is at a very awkward place as a protagonist at this point in the story, because aside from DA he’s very much REacting to things that are happening, and not ACTING ON things like he does in the latter half of the books.

Meanwhile, Ed has a bad habit of thinking of his age peers as “kids” even though Harry has probably seen almost as much deadly action as Ed has at this point in Ed’s career. (If Ed had been in a Basalisk-level fight before canon I think we would have heard about it.) He’s still in the bad habit of almost ignoring the people around him (like he kinda did while he was still in school), and also assuming that they’re not likely to be willing/able to understand what’ he’s trying to do/going through.

Another thing I’m TRYING to do is to have Ed mess with umbridge in a roundabout way. Inspired by the way he took down Yoki, instead of Ed being openly contemptuous (which he actually rarely is, aside from Roy and a few select villains) I think he’d be more into maneuvering umbridge into a place where she ousts herself. (This bit heavily inspired by one of the last paragraphs in “There may be some collateral damage” by metisket where it’s remarked that all of the... chaos... Ichigo had unleashed during the story would have been nearly the same if Toshiro had gone, just with “more vicious political maneuvering and fewer outright fights”.)

Whether I’ve succeeded in any of these goals/presentations is subjective, but people seem to be having fun reading my attempts!

[oddcoupler222]

I'm in love with the little ficlet that you wrote about Ned, I wish all dads were like him... but yeah I'm kind of in love with everything you write for Sansa and Margaery, thank you for sharing! :) PS: I'm still extremely curious about Jeyne and Mya and what's their deal

Ned is very much an ideal dad. What he lacks in observance, he makes up for in heart.

OMG how could I have forgotten to share the Jya?!

Saddle up (kinda) for good old enemies to friends to lovers tale.

Of course, they met the year prior to TWW, and instantly disliked one another. Mya is a very private person - like extremely so - and very dry, low-key. Like, she would consider Sansa one of her closer friends, but even then, Sansa doesn’t know a ton about Mya’s personal life (Sansa also never pries, and Mya likes that). She enjoys a drama free existence, being organized, and values having security.

Fairly needless to say, Jeyne, right off the bat, is not her favorite person. She’s extremely nosy, decently loud, loves the hot goss, a bit unorganized, and still isn’t sure at this moment what she wants to do with her life. And honestly, Mya’s brand of exasperated condescension isn’t Jeyne’s cup of tea, either.

But - it’s fine. They’re generally, “ugh. whatever” around each other, as we all know, through TWW.

Things start to change a bit post-TWW because my god! they become roommates!

And tbh it is a bit rough at first. Because all of the things that they don’t quite agree on are right in their faces. I mean, off the bat, Mya sent Jeyne a “roommate agreement”/set of rules (to which Jeyne was like wtf, we will just live together and figure it out?) and in response, she wrote, new email who dis? … and that was about as far as their roommate agreement went (as far as Mya knows).

Jeyne doesn’t do well with not having someone around, you know. Like, she loves living with Sansa; if she had the choice to live alone in her own place or with Sansa (or like a friend in general), she would choose to live with Sansa/a friend. She likes to talk and share clothes and meals and talk and watch movies/shows together. She listens to her music loudly when she cooks/bakes, and when she showers, and when she is getting ready to go out.

Mya… is very much used to living alone. She’s been in and out of foster care since she was a child, and has been on her own since she was 17. She appreciates having quiet and her own space, and she’s worked her ass off to have moved to King’s Landing and to put herself through school – which is why it also sometimes baffles and irritates her that Jeyne’s father works closely with Sansa’s, meaning she comes from a comfortably wealthy family, and that she is just kind of flitting away her life (aka dropped out of college, just decided she was going to move to KL, working in the cafe without really thinking about what she seriously wants to do, etc)

So. It’s rough for the first couple of months while living together. Jeyne is fairly willing to put aside any issues she has with Mya in order to spend time with the person she lives with, as a social creature. As such, she also has some boundary issues (you know, all the times walking into Sansa’s room whenever she wants because that is how it is between them, etc.Not that she does it to that extent with Mya, but still. And she has some trouble seeing how she oversteps).

And Mya has very little patience for Jeyne overstepping her boundaries, and if anything, it makes her feel even more snappy/serious about maintaining her own privacy. (there may have been a Serious Argument, when Jeyne sort of went through some of her boxes to try to help unpack. Jeyne intended for it to be a good deed, but Mya walked in to Jeyne sitting in the middle of some of her stuff, including the few things she has of her mothers, which she is very protective over).

Meanwhile, Jeyne doesn’t want to tell Sansa the WHOLE of the issues she’s having in her absence, because she wants Sansa to not stress about this while she’s loving Volantis. So, this is when she and Margaery sort of start to become friends. She asks Marg, eventually, what she thinks she should do to try to bury the hatchet with Mya, because she can’t take living like this for the months to come.

And Margaery advises her to do something nice for Mya, “For the sake of the seven, don’t be wildly over-the-top. Keep it simple.”

“What, I’m supposed to not be myself?” She’s half-asking for real, half-teasing.

And Margaery smirks, “Exactly.”

So, she decides she will be simple. She will surprise Mya with dinner – cooking, another thing she misses about Sansa. Yes, she can cook. But Sansa enjoyed it, and now that she’s not around, she has to cook for herself, blah. But it’s kind of nice, because she is focusing on making food she has realized Mya likes after having shared a kitchen with her for a little while.

And she will not be loud while doing so (no singing, playing her music softly) and that she will clean as she goes, since Mya has had fits about her leaving pots and pans and silverware and food out (which, for the record, she truly was going to clean. She was just going to do so after she ate and relaxed; what is the rush). Bonus! She picked up a book-to-movie adaptation of some novel Sansa loves (and she has seen Mya reading it, too), that she is going to suggest to watch; a nice peace offering, she thought.

When she gets to the apartment - she had told Mya that she was going to be out late in order to make the dinner a surprise - she is the one who is in for a surprise when she sees a woman, wearing only Mya’s short robe, walking out of the bathroom. The woman screams. Jeyne screams and drops the bags of food she was holding.

Mya comes running out and is pissed at Jeyne because “I thought you weren’t going to be home tonight! You told me you weren’t.” And Jeyne is so, “There’s a girl in a robe??? Who is that?!”

The woman leaves in a hurry. Mya and Jeyne end up having a tense argument about Jeyne clearly lying about being out about about and for being so fucking nosy and Jeyne for being like, this is my apartment. It evolves into something bigger, about how Mya needs to loosen the stick up her ass - especially since it seems to only be there when around Jeyne - and about how Mya thinks Jeyne is far too flippant and frivolous and intrusive about everything and can’t she just take anything seriously for once, even if it’s just keeping a schedule (which hits somewhat hard, because. well, Jeyne knows she doesn’t have her life “together” and all, and it is a Big Conversation she has with her father relatively often)

It leads into a Jeyne not making dinner, tossing the ingredients into the cabinets and throwing the movie on the table, before staying in her room.

And Mya kind of cooling down in her own room for a bit before going into the kitchen and seeing everything, and sort of putting together that Jeyne meant to be doing something nice for her. Plus she thinks about the many times Sansa had told her about the good aspects of Jeyne, and she starts to feel like. Somewhat guilty. Which is a first for her when it comes to Jeyne.

Going to her room, she knocks on the door, and Jeyne has her come in. They do talk some stuff out, Jeyne apologizing for not always recognizing when she is crossing a line and Mya apologizing for being… prickly, sometimes. It makes Jeyne snort a laugh, and there’s a few moments of peace, until Mya mentions that having/keeping schedules was in her roommate agreement -

And Jeyne cuts her off, quoting back to her why the scheduling part was number 2 on the list.

Mya stares at her for a few seconds, “You… actually read it?”

“I mean, I thought it was kind of ridiculous that you were trying to map out living together before we even spoke about it face to face, but of course I read it,” Jeyne rolls her eyes.

“How was I supposed to know! You send back a ridiculous response!”

Jeyne just kind of laughs at that, and the look on Mya’s face. And for the first time, Jeyne laughing at something like this doesn’t piss her off, and she can’t help laughing a bit, too.

A little later, after they made dinner together, Jeyne - truly unable to help herself - asks, “So… who was that girl?”

And Mya sighs, and tries very much to not get prickly about Jeyne asking an understandable question, “She was a woman. That I used to date. Who is back in town for the weekend.”

Jeyne stares at her in shock, “You’re -”

“Bi. Yeah,” she knows Jeyne is staring at her and she fastidiously avoids staring back.

“But! You…” she is shouting but she can’t help it! “Sansa - does -”

“No,” she cuts her off, sighing, as she wipes her hands on her apron, “She doesn’t know.” And she leans against the counter, pouring herself another glass of the wine they’re drinking because this is personal and she doesn’t like to share personal but she knows she really isn’t getting out of it, and she doesn’t want to make anything between them worse.

She explains that sharing very personal things is… uncomfortable for her, and that Sansa had come out to her for the very reason that she knew Mya wouldn’t make any sort of deal out of it. Mya hadn’t wanted to make it about herself, either, and honestly had been a little worried that Sansa might try to lean on her a bit… and that made her nervous because she has a good amount of insecurities about her ability to really be there for someone, after having not had any serious/lasting connections in her entire adult life. (well, she doesn’t go too deeply into that personal shit, but the gist is explained)

“But when I tried to get you to go to speed dating you said it would be giving women false hope!” Jeyne insisted, her mind still spinning.

And Mya can’t even help but laugh, with the serious bafflement and outrage on Jeyne’s face, “Yeah, it was false hope because I don’t want to date anyone from lesbian speed dating.” she lifts up one finger, then adds a second as she says, “Plus, Sansa did not want either one of us there.” And a third, with a smirk, “And I had to stop you from going.”

Overall, that is a big turning point for them. Jeyne starts respecting space more (trying, anyway, she will never be great at it), and they form different schedules and roommate traditions than Jeyne had with Sansa, but it’s a nice different. She enjoys Mya’s cynicism and snarky comments - when they aren’t directed at her - and finds that she is truly, really hilarious tbh.

On the other hand, Mya learns how to share her space and open up a little bit with Jeyne - who often times doesn’t give her a choice, and weirdly, Jeyne is very good at getting her to say things that she ordinarily wouldn’t ever say to other people. She kind of, reluctantly, ends up enjoying the injection of Jeyne-drama-loudness-exuberance into her life.

They’re strangely, actually friends? It’s, weird? Friends but not like friends the way they are with Sansa (or most of their other friends). It’s a comfortable closeness that they’ve formed, and when Sansa is coming home from Volantis at the end of the seven months, they both are excited to have her back but are honestly a little sad about their roommate-ness ending.

Sansa returns (Jeyne literally tackles her to the ground in excitement at seeing her) and Mya moves into her own place. Her own place feels a little quieter, now, and it’s… weird. And Jeyne loves having Sansa back but she misses some of the stuff she did with Mya as a roommate, especially now that Sansa is with Marg and spends a good amount of time with her.

A couple of weeks after Sansa returns home, a few weeks before Christmas, Jeyne and Mya hang out. Jeyne asks Mya what she’s doing for the holidays - she knows more about Mya’s childhood than Sansa/anyone does, really, at this point, and knows she doesn’t have family to go home to.

Mya shrugs, “I have a week off from work. I’ll probably just enjoy some peace and quiet,” she jibes with a smirk.

And Jeyne just rolls her eyes, “If you have time off, you should come home with me.”

Mya is… well that isn’t something she does with anyone. Not ex-girlfriends. Not Sansa, who has invited her to her family’s place and to their NYE party. So she says no.

But Jeyne has a way of wheedling (and brow beating) and ends up getting Mya to agree to come with her.

So, she goes North with Jeyne and Sansa - who is amazed that she came - and stays with Jeyne, and feels a little off kilter at first. But then eventually, with Jeyne’s intensity and excitement and just everything feels so normal… it kind of starts to feel nice? To be there with a family rather than on her own, like she has been ever since her mom died when she was ten.

On that Christmas morning, when Jeyne is talking quickly and going over plans for the holiday and including Mya in future holidays in an off-hand comment, sitting there with wrapping paper all around her on the floor and messy hair from sleeping… it’s where Mya’s heart skips a beat and - oh. Well. Fuck.

(because Jeyne is kind of now her best friend, totally unexpected, and also very straight)

In true Mya fashion, conceal don’t feel, and never says anything, trying to live her life as normal. Even if - UGH - she lets Jeyne in so much easier than she wants to, because it’s not something she wants. But it’s fine. Jeyne doesn’t know and she’s just acting as Jeyne, and that’s - it’s scary but also not.

This continues on for another year and a half, when Sansa finally moves in with Margaery officially, and Jeyne exaggeratedly bats her eyelashes at Mya, “Gee… I wonder… who could possibly want to put up with me and move in?”

So, they end up moving in together again. Which makes Jeyne ecstatic because she’s become super close to Mya in the last couple of years, and itt’ll be nice to live with someone who isn’t staying at her girlfriend’s place for like half the week (though she IS Sansa and Margaery’s number 1 fan, make no mistake).

While they live together this time, though, they have some Moments. Jeyne has forgone the whole boundaries thing, now that they’ve come so far. There are times of cuddling. A lovely time where Jeyne (who is in the shower) calls for Mya, who thinks something is going on… and then goes in and see’s Jeyne who is like… silhouetted in the shower curtain and is also almost halfway leaning out of the shower (because she has 0 shame or inclincation to hide her body) and Mya short-circuits before spinning around and, “You’re - naked!” “Well you knew I was coming to take a shower.” “I didn’t think you… why did you call me in here?” “Oh. I wanted to ask if you would order dinner so it would be here when I’m done.”

(needless to say, living with Jeyne does not help her feelings. but she’s resigned)

Unnnntil!

The night of Sansa’s planned proposal to Margaery, where she has Jeyne and Mya both in on the plan and helping her out. When things go awry, Jeyne returns back to their place, arms full of the flowers and the champagne that she’d gotten back from Sansa and Margaery’s place.

She and Mya, instead, drink the wine together, discussing Sansa/Margaery’s proposal-that-wasn’t and the election and how Jeyne worked with Marg on her campaign and is thinking about going back to school to something she might enjoy (but she’s a little nervous).

And Mya shakes her head, tipsy, but she thinks she probably has a lot of stars in her eyes when she looks at Jeyne even sober, but she is very serious, “Jeyne, no. You would be amazing, doing anything you’re passionate about. You… you are so…” she trails off, gesturing at Jeyne, before she uses that hand to twirl some of Jeyne’s long, glossy dark hair around her fingers.

Jeyne scoffs, “So flippant? So much?” It’s a rare time for her to feel genuinely, openly insecure.

And Mya instead slides her hand down and turns to look at Jeyne completely, “No. Well, yes, you are a lot. But not… bad. You are so smart. And so unafraid to say what you want and what you feel. And so good at getting other people to do the same. You are amazing, Jeyne Poole, and don’t you dare be afraid to do anything you want.”

Jeyne turns to look at Mya, too, and realizes in that moment how absolutely close they are. Like she can see how the dim lighting of the room reflects in Mya’s vibrant blue eyes and makes them almost mystical, and she can feel her breath wash over her cheek and her hand feel so strong and warm, stroking her thumb over the back of her hand. And her words… she can feel how much Mya means them, and it makes this heavy, warm, tingling feeling shift inside of her that…

is so strange. Like almost like the feeling she’s had in the past when having interest in a guy, but like more and it’s unfamiliar and a lot and good and… she doesn’t pull back but doesn’t move forward, and squeezes her hand around Mya’s as she manages a whispered, “Thanks.”

And the next morning she wakes up with Mya curled around her (she does get amusement from the fact that everyone would assume she is the primary cuddler between them but it is in fact Mya who gets all cuddly during sleep). And it’s not like they haven’t cuddled together many times in the last couple of years (it took her TIME to knock down that wall, and she is very proud and honored to have done so).

But it’s the first time she’s ever felt like this. Like something sliding through her that feels a lot like want and maybe like more-than-like, and she doesn’t know what is happening or where it’s coming from, exactly? But like. It’s here. And Jeyne isn’t one to avoid how she feels…

So she goes to her number one trusted source, going to see Sansa the weekend after Sansa and Margaery actually got engaged. Does the genuine and appropriate squealing. Before she thinks about Mya, again, and sighs, and Sansa is like, “What was that sigh about?”

So she confesses, of course, “I think I like Mya and maybe love, in not a friend way!” she bursts out.

And Sansa is shocked, staring with her mouth open, before, “WHAT?!” comes out on a shout.

“I DON’T KNOW! WHY AM I FEELING LIKE THIS?!” Jeyne screams back, and they stare at each other for some long beats, before Sansa shakes her head before they calm down and have an actual talk.

Sansa is still shocked, but is always Jeyne’s best voice of reason and sounding board, and Jeyne ultimately leaves feeling convinced that she does actually like-maybe-love Mya? And she has been spending like every waking moment thinking about this, and going over all of their interactions and like. Gods. What if they’ve been basically dating for years and she hadn’t even realized it?! That’s kind of what it feels like.

And because she’s Jeyne, she goes home in a whirlwind. Sees Mya in the kitchen and marches up to her, determined.

Then kisses her because she is Jeyne and she isn’t going to not go after what she wants, even if it’s uncharted territory.

And holy fuck, was it worth it, when Mya - shocked still for a long moment - slides her hands into Jeyne’s hair and responds.

(Margaery, for the record, totally told Sansa months before that there was something between Mya and Jeyne and Sansa was like, “No way!”… she is very vindicated now)

aaaand for the record (i posted/mentioned before, but it’s been like over 2 years, so), Jeyne:

Mya:

[apostatively]

I mean, I'm not even sure which part of Starbucks' stupid Teavana-closing announcement to be MORE pissed off about.

A.) GENEROUSLY extending an offer to the 3300+ employees that are about to be laid off to apply at Starbucks stores?!?!? First off, Teavana is SALES, not food service, literally no part of Teavana sales and Starbucks barista jobs overlap, even making the tea, bc Starbucks is not tea-focused and they make it WRONG. Additionally, ARE Y'ALL ABOUT TO OPEN 379 NEW STARBUCKS LOCATIONS, I SOMEHOW DOUBT THAT. B.) Stating that Teavana teas will still be available in Starbucks stores. As above, Starbucks isn't even selling Teavana teas NOW. And I'm not just talking about the way baristas' expressions get really rigid and awkward when I'm ordering tea and say I work for Teavana (not in a snide way, just for that employee discount.) When they came out with those hideous bottled sweet teas I tried one, for science. The barista literally begged me not to, warned me twice, tried to offer me some of the actual tea that they had brewed. The man was correct, it was like being stifled with hibiscus-flavored sugar water. It was a literal hummingbird snack that they slapped our brand name on. But more than that, it's the teas themselves that they claim are "ours" that are so utterly baffling. Recently they advertised some new kind of summer flavor called "Teavana Peach Green Tea" at both their and our locations, and bros...it doesn't exist. There's no such thing as "Peach Green Tea", and we've had customers get really MAD about it, with no explanation from corporate. So we sat down and analyzed all the ingredients, and the closest we could surmise was a blend of the two popular teas, Peach Tranquility (herbal) and Jade Citrus Mint, even though in the display picture they showed curling, coiled green tea leaves like in Emperor's Clouds and Mist. But the customers we tried to appease with it say none of those blends "taste right". Which leads me to my last grievance... 💀.) ...Starbucks accuses OUR STORES of "underperforming"?!?!? When, with the now-obvious trend of declining mall popularity in America, they dare to inflate our daily "goal" numbers at least a third higher than the previous year's sales?! Going so far as to cite us $1500+ days on TUESDAYS, typically one of the slowest days of the week? My store happens to be full of really good salespeople, and we still typically only make our goal a handful of days out of the month, BECAUSE WE ARE BEING SET UP FOR FAILURE WITH UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS THAT DO NOT MAKE SENSE. More than that, they've moved our focus so far away from actual tea in the last few years since the acquisition that it's baffling. They come out with 3-4 "new" iced tea-themed flavors for the summer that are literally just...fruit. It's dried fruit, kids. And we make the samples to a recipe with our rock sugar in proportions that make it taste like candy. We're frickin' peddling fruit juice to the tune of $10/2 oz because Teavana insists we push that to appease the masses instead of actual delicious tea that we HAVE right there in the store! They've stopped giving us cast iron pots and cups to sell in the store - REALLY good quality ones, mind you! Made by Japanese artisans who know their shit! The Good Stuff - and they're discontinuing them, much like Teavana itself now, because they don't fit their "trendy, super fun!!!" idea of what tea should be in their opinion. MEANWHILE, they fill our stores with useless, clunky ceramic mugs in awful color schemes, and "industrial" looking glass and chrome carafes that are difficult to use, easy to break, and pointless with their $90 price tag bc our $30 plastic teamakers do a much better job and last for YEARS. And as the great disappointment of MY year so far, as a floral tea fan, they release new flavors that they expect to be popular and sell well, like the "Lavender Creme", which sounded like they were capitalizing on the popularity of trendy, herbal-infused drinks...clever, right? Well, NO actually, because the Lavender Creme was doomed to fail, because it tasted JUST LIKE our Apple Pie a la Mode. Lavender. Apple/caramel. Two TOTALLY different flavors, and yet the marketing department for this tea got them THAT wrong?!? They don't have faith in their teas, which is obvious because they haven't released a REAL tea in ages, everything they put out is a super-sugary herbal drink they try to use to hook the masses in thimble-sized cups, because they lean on sampling as a crutch: they would rather have sales personnel stand there for 30 minutes and pour individual sample cups for every member of an entire family of eight when none of those people have any intention of buying, than limiting the sample focus and using actual sales techniques to help people who are there for a purpose. Every day, we have multiple groups of people (mostly unsupervised teens, but all types really) wander in, say "We want to try your samples!" and wander out immediately on days our clever manager doesn't have them (because they are a DISTRACTION.) But that's all that a lot of people know us for now. And THAT is how Starbucks management has bled into Teavana, and THAT is how they have mismanaged the HELL out of this franchise to the point where you're unlikely to even find actual tea leaves, THE THING WE SELL, in a Teavana unless you have good salespeople OR are a Teavana veteran who knows precisely what they are looking for. THAT is where there has been underperformance! In the MANAGEMENT DECISIONS of this company!!!! NOT US!!!! And even though we seem to be living in a world where the rich and powerful will never truly take accountability for their own failures, that is EXACTLY what has happened, and why I say, how DARE THEY?!?!?