#and w millennials all my siblings are millennials so I Get Them

[menlove]

one of my Complexes is that I was raised an only child by gen x'ers who were both young, one of whom acted like a sibling, and both whom raised me like they were raised & on the media they were raised on & we were poor enough that I also got the "latchkey kid" complex most gen x'ers had so now when I'm hanging out with gen x, millennials, and gen z (my actual generation) at least 75% of the time I relate more to the gen x'ers like 🧍‍♂️

[royalrazz37]

Disclaimer: I love this film. These are just my critics. I know someone else has already pointed these issues out and better than I ever could. Just wanted to get my thoughts out. Feel free to link their analysis

Post Disclaimer Disclaimer: A lot of these may be petty and have no real solution so I apologize preemptively.

Without further ado here is an aging millennial’s concerns with: The Lion King (1994)

Small nitpicks first

Incest

Usually lion prides have a single adult male that mates with all the females but in this case there are two, Mufasa and Scar, meaning, that at best Simba and Nala are first cousins and at worst siblings, getting married and having children.

On the flip side there is nothing more royal than keeping it all in the family.

Say his name

What is Scar’s real name? I know it can probably be found somewhere but i think it’s pretty messed up it’s never said in the movie. Also making someone’s physical feature their name is rude. Its like calling someone Hairy, Big Nose, or Six-Fingered Man.

Sexiest Lion

From what I remember learning about lions, the males with darker manes are seen as more attractive. So why is my man Scar not getting hole? I know its a kids movie but could we at least see a couple dark furred cubs running about? (I know about Kovu)

Choice of voice actors

Why are all the good characters voiced by white people? (Exceptions for James and Madge) and all the bad guys are POC? And its some extra ish when only the lackeys are POC. The big bad is white. Colored folk can’t even be their own boss.

And i know the remake “fixed” this but we’re not talking about the new woke Disney.

Now the real gripes

Monarchy and leadership

While the idea of a hereditary monarchy is bad enough the main plot strongly implies divine right is just and desirable.

Mufasa is supposed to be king and this is reflected by the kingdom being pristine and in balance.

Scar, who is not ordained by the sky daddies, takes the throne and all falls to ruin.

Then the “rightful king” returns, restoring prosperity to the land.

It gives credence to the idea that a higher power has to approve of a leader for things to go right. That those in power are there because that is how it’s supposed to be.

Look, little one. See what happens when you try to break the status quo? Bad things happen. Be happy with your lot in life.

If you try to rise above your station like Scar, well. You saw what happened. (I know Scar murdered fools but you get my drift)

“But Razz” I hear you say. “The reason things went bad is because Scar had the hyenas live in the pride lands and they ate everything. Those slobbering mangy stupid poachers!”

Aha! I say. You activated my trap card.

US History as a Metaphor

I think its safe to say that the hyenas are coded as POC. As such the idea of their integration into the pride lands being the catalyst for its blight is troubling.

It harkens back to the fear of the negro moving into cities during white flight. Hyenas/blacks move in and everything goes to shit.

Thats why we keep them in their elephant graveyards and shadow lands (the ghettos) so the blight doesn’t spread.

And if one of the hyenas do come into the pride lands we send our strong alpha Mufasa to beat and brutalize them.

Also the hyenas are painted as gluttons for wanting to eat. THEY WERE IN A LITERAL GRAVEYARD.

Of course they’re hungry. Of course they’d want to eat everything they could. They were forced to live that way.

Now lets draw a line.

Hyenas are always hungry because they live in a food desert and actual desert.

They live there because of enforced segregation by the lions.

Lions who then blame the the hyenas for being hungry and use that as justification to continue segregation and harsh policing of the hyenas movements.

Sounds familiar.

And the film’s solution to all this is a return to the status quo. Yuck.

Not to mention the sequel where there’s a reconciliation between the lionesses who supported Scar and the pridelanders because Kiara says “We’re the same”. I know I’m probably grasping a straws here but that moment felt like the Irish and Italians gaining whiteness.

Ok rant over.

[idontknowmyownmind]

Fanfic ideas which are obviously Mammon centric. I never include MC because I'm not that fond of a story that has oc as it's main character.

An effective old curse(?)

There is an old curse that will kill a demon if it is planted on them. To use it, they need a lot of sacrifice (not souls or any of that kind) that is really hard to get because the curse will 100% work. When you have already collected all the important things, the curse can be sent like a voodoo thing and the target will not realize it until the next day. It started with some kind of mark on their wrist and it began to travel to their body. Depending on how long the sender wants it to completely work, the curse will spread at a certain pace a day.

Someone who got this curse will slowly but gradually will started to feels tired fast and lost their senses. Before the day they are supposed to die, they will become an unresponsive person. Not paralized type but more like someone who lose all their senses type.

So, there is a witch who wants revenge on Lucifer by sending the curse. But unfortunately the curse got sent to Mammon instead. On the first day, he doesn't even know about it. He found out about the mark on the second day when it already covered his right lower arm. But Mammon being Mammon doesn't think much about it and doesn't know what it means.

Mammon knew about the curse two days after. He and his brothers are having a movie night, something that happens once in millenials. The rowdy type, Mammon, Asmo, and Levi, have their little quarrel. Asmo tried to attack Mammon with a pillow but slipped and pulled Mammon's top, exposing his right arm.

The other brothers who happen to look also don't know about it and asked Mammon if he got tattoos. But Mammon just looks at the mark confused and says bewilderedly that he is not and this mark just appears out of nowhere. He swears it was just covering his lower arm but how it suddenly covers his right arm, he doesn't know.

Lucifer is the only one who knows about the curse and how to recognize it. So he is surprised and dread following after when he looks at the marks on Mammon's right arm. He suddenly in front of him, startled not just Mammon but also the others, and grabbed Mammon's arm and inspected it. There is no doubt that it is that curse.

Apparently he grabbed it too tightly because Mammon started to complain and said that if he is angry because he thinks it's tattoos, he swears that it is not. But Lucifer ignored him and said that they needed to see Barbatos in a clipped tone. Still not letting Mammon go but loosen his grasp.

(Let's say that Barbatos is a master of curse.)

"Wow, wow. I don't think we need to, it's just weird marks. I'm sure it's gonna gone before I know it"

Lucifer hissed and glared at him. But not like his angry one, there is something else in his eyes, tone and body languages, something urgent and unreadable.

"Don't you know what this mark means?! You're gonna die!"

"Huh?" Mammon's brain shut down and his face was blank.

The other looked shocked. Asmo tried to laugh it off, saying that Lucifer was just joking. But when Lucifer doesn't react and is still in a staring contest with Mammon, his smile drops and fear begins to creep on him.

Series of activities happened and they are on their way to the castle. Lucifer began to intrograte Mammon and got little to nothing important information because Mammon himself doesn't even know a single thing.

The brothers also ask questions and Lucifer answers as far as he knows. Fear envelopes everyone while Mammon tries to joke to light up the atmosphere but gets an angry yet worried death glare from his brothers that shut him up.

When they arrive and explain what they knew, they get the heart breaking news that there is no way to lift the curse.

Some ruckus happens and they decide to find a way to lift it with the help of Barbatos and Diavolo. The curse spread faster than they imagined and on day five it almost covered all his upper body.

In those days, Lucifer, despite wanting to spend his last time with Mammon, just can't stop his research because every second matters.

Satan who usually would rather somewhere else than with just Lucifer always by his side to help.

Asmo and Levi make sure to always have Mammon in sight.

The twins always find time to cuddle Mammon.

Mammon was scared but also frustrated with his brothers. He tried to reason that they don't need to neglect themselves just for him, which got them mad, saying that he is more important that got him speechless.

He just let that happen but even he knows that it will be futile.

The possibilities are endless and I'm not sure where and how I want it to end. But one thing for sure is, in the end Mammon died.

Kind of like a sleeping beauty AU

• The brothers are currently at the party hosted by Diavolo

• After some time, Mammon came to the garden.

• In the garden are Levi and Satan who start to feel suffocated inside with all the social shits.

• With Mammon there, surely it's not gonna be a silent situation.

• He teases, argues a little and does things older siblings would do to their little ones.

• As you know Mammon is the fastest demon, and it seems that even Diavolo and Lucifer won't be able to catch up with him if he wants to.

• Mammon is secretly protective with his brothers, yes it includes Lucifer.

• He senses some malicious intent toward one of his lil bros.

• (My hc) Some of Mammon's power is about time. He's the fastest and he also can manipulate time and make it slower or faster w/o others notice, which is handy most of the time.

• He makes sure to use his power in a small radius, not too far to notice Lucifer or Diavolo but enough to prevent anything that may happen to his lil bros.

• Faster than they can blink, Mammon pushes Levi away.

• Levi yelped and Satan was also shocked by the sudden harsh action. It seemed like Mammon used a little bit more strength than intended.

• Levi looked up angrily from where he pushed off and was ready to throw some harsh words toward Mammon.

• All the words died in his mouth when he watched Mammon crunch down, arms hugging himself, with two arrows stuck in his back.

• He whimpered and hissed in pain when the arrows seemed to glow and disappear in every second along with weird and old looking sigils starting to appear on his body.

• Without a second thought Satan throws the book he's been reading and kneels beside his brother.

• He tries to call him but Mammon ignores everything. He also tried to take the arrows but couldn't and tried to solve what the sigils mean but it's the first time he saw something like this.

• Levi who kneels in front of Mammon tries to make him focus on him but to no avail Mammon's eyes just keep being between focus and unfocus.

• When the arrows completely disappear, the sigils glow a little as if sealing something in before disappearing completely and Mammon slump toward Levi.

• One thing imprinted on Levi's brain is how he saw a completely pure fear in Mammon's eyes before they turned dull.

• Levi froze in his place and when he snapped out of his daze, Satan was already cradling Mammon's lifeless body.

• Satan had Mammon's head pressed on his chest and that's when Levi saw how his usually lively and energetic brother looked like a soulless doll.

• His body looks like a doll that has no string to keep them up and his eyes are dull and lifeless.

• "Levi!"

• Levi looked at Satan who looked at him with apparent fear in his eyes and startled a little because right now, Satan looks like an innocent little kid who doesn't know what to do.

• Although he may be one of the smartest among the brothers and the fourth strongest, he is still the youngest of the brothers.

• "Levi, do something."

• He must be crazy because Levi can hear a hidden plea in his tone.

• It's slow but when Levi finally catches up with the situation, that he should be the one who is in Mammon's position and his brother just saved his life, fear and a sheer terror rush to him at full speed.

• He is afraid for his brother's life, afraid that he may lose him, that because of him he'll never be able to see his idiot but lovable brother anymore.

• He starts to shake Mammon awake, do anything he can, shouthing, but he won't bugger even a little. The only movement of him is the sway of his hair because of the wind.

• Levi doesn't know since when he clutched Mammon's shirt and pressed his forehead on Mammon's chest whilst he cried and shouted incoherent sentences in hope Mammon would wake up and laugh, telling him that it was just a prank.

• For the first time since millennials Satan felt lost.

• He always pride his knowledge but right now he feels useless because he just can watch when his brother suffers, died, in front of him.

• Hearing Levi crying and calling for Mammon, Satan couldn't hold his own tears as they began to stream down his cheek while he tightened his hold on his dear brother.

• It seems that their ruckus attracted some demons who were near the garden and they were smart enough to call their other brothers.

• Satan is silently glad because he swears he will tear them apart in anger if they just stand around and watch while they don't even know what is happening.

• In his mind, he vaguely knows that he needs to get the others but he doesn't want to leave Mammon's side. He's afraid that if he lets him go he will disappear forever and it looks like Levi is not doing any better.

• So they just wait and try to wake Mammon or just think, as much as their hazy mind can, what just happened and what they can and need to do.

• When one of the demons in the party comes to Lucifer, he doesn't really pay them any mind.

• He thinks that they may want to talk with Diavolo or Barbatos like the others before.

• Lucifer and his brothers have been Diavolo's companions since the middle of the party.

• What he didn't, never, expected is the demon talk, inform him that his brothers in the garden make some ruckus.

• When he heard the word white haired brother, the first thing he thought was how Mammon caused trouble again, in Diavolo's party no less. He felt irritated.

• But it melted away quickly as it came when he heard what was said after.

• Two of his brothers, Levi and Satan, weeping, shouting something while crying. Satan.

• And how they hold Mammon because something happened to him.

• He didn't hear what was said next because in a second he was already on his feet and hurriedly walked to the garden.

• There is foreign feeling in his chest and he registers it as fear, he feels his stomach drop.

• His mind ran miles for what had possibly happened.

• It better not be some kind of prank or he's gonna be mad.

• The other brothers, Beel wake Belphie when he senses that something is wrong, along with Diavolo and Barbatos who also hear the conversation following him.

• What they saw in the garden is an unexpected thing, something they thought would never happen.

• When Satan sensed someone closer, he held Mammon closer protectively and snarl at them.

• For the first time he is relieved a little when he sees his brothers, Diavolo and Barbatos.

• With tears still streaming down, he looks at Lucifer and says, "Lucifer, wake him. Wake Mammy, please"

• Mammy is Satan's nickname for Mammon, the only brother who he gave an affectionate nickname to, because he's the one who took care of him the most back then.

• Lucifer is trying his hardest to compose himself because he needs to keep strong for his brothers.

• Asmo went to Levi the moment he arrived and sowed tears when he saw Mammon lifeless eyes.

• He tried to call him, shakily, but got no response.

• He almost went into hysteria seeing his brother state.

• While Lucifer checks on Mammon, Asmo hugs Levi who keeps muttering that it was his fault and how it should be him in Mammon's place.

• Beel and Belphie tried to calm Satan.

• They don't cry but Beel looks close to losing it while Belphie tries to stay strong for his twin too.

• Lucifer's heart clenched painfully when he held his, first, baby brother in his arms, lifeless. It brings back all the bad memories of the past.

• Not a minute after arriving and assessing the situation, Diavolo commanded Barbatos to have all the guests come home.

• Diavolo always admired Lucifer for his calm and collected composure.

• But right now, he can see him slowly losing it the longer he holds Mammon.

• Diavolo knows, everyone knows, despite the fact that he equally loves all his brothers, he always has a special spot for Mammon, the second eldest.

• (Skip because I don't know what else I should write in this scene.)

• After Satan explains everything, they begin to investigate the current case.

• Satan may look fine but he drowns himself in books, something that has something to do with sigils and spells, more.

• Levi rarely went to his room and always stayed in Mammon's room. He may as well stay there with how many things he keeps bringing.

• Lucifer locked himself in his room and just went out to the castle to discuss it with Diavolo and Barbatos.

• Belphie, Beel and Asmo tried to help as much as they could.

• Mammon was laid down in his bed like a sleeping beauty.

• They found out that some demons/witches, for whatever reason, were targeting Levi but Mammon took the blow instead.

• The arrows were covered not only by some spells but also sigils.

• What makes it complicated is, the spells and sigils are the really old, complicated and strong ones.

• The ones that existed when Diavolo was a child.

• The fastest way to get rid of it is to wake the Demon King from his hibernate slumber.

• But they can't do that without any risks for the three realms.

• They need to solve it by themselves.

• It takes them hundreds of years (because I think thousands of years is too long... or maybe not?) to figure it out. The brothers, despite their resolve, didn't function really well. They are determined to wake Mammon but there are also times when it's too much for them.

• In all that time, Mammon was shackled down with holly chains to his knee in a dark void with water reaching his waist. Obviously when he wakes up later, his mind will not be in the best place and will be hard to fix.

• When they finally figure it out, Mammon doesn't immediately wake up and the brothers keep searching for what might be wrong.

• What they don't know is that awakening is a slow process. First, he's going to start to be aware of what is happening around him in his sleeping state. Then his senses will start to function again. And he will start to move his body.

• No one beside him, as they focus on what they can fix, for two weeks and in those weeks he almost regains all his senses and moves his body almost fully. He was still sluggish and trembling like a newborn deer but he got there.

• The first one who finds him is Levi. He walks in and throws himself on the sofa, unaware of eyes trailing his every move.

• Mammon is still skeptical if it's a reality or just something his mind keeps making up in his loneliness at that place.

• But when he is sure it's real, he brave himself to joke about how tired Levi looks.

• Levi looks startled and actually jumps on his feet. There is no way he's gonna mistake those voices, a bit scratchy for not being used for so long but definitely it belongs to Mammon.

• He stood there and stared at Mammon with wide eyes while the latter waved and smiled awkwardly, "well, it's nice to finally be back?"

• Levi's lips began to tremble and tears flowed freely from his eyes. Mammon who was sitting on the edge of the bed panicked and worried as to why his brother suddenly cried and looked pained.

• Without a second thought and ignoring how his body aches, he slowly but surely made his way to Levi and brought him to his embrace to comfort him.

• He is confused and doesn't know what to do when Levi starts to cry harder and hug him as if his lifeline depends on him.

• He spoke incoherently. And when Mammon heard something about that it should be him in his position, Mammon forced him to look him in the eye. Firmly and seriously, he said that what happened was not his fault and he did it of his own will and will do it many times for his brothers if he needs to.

• Levi laugh weetly and burried his face on Mammon's chest, still hugging him, and called him stupid. Mammon just says that it was because he is the great Mammon after all, boastful and laugh loud and clear.

• Levi missed this. So he let himself in Mammon embrace while the latter rubbing his back and caressing his hair gently.

• After some moments of bliss, Mammon states that he thinks he needs to see the others, especially Satan as he was also the one there when everything happened to him.

• They decide to come out when it's dinner to surprise the others.

• They rarely eat together again because it's not the same but this time the brothers manage to find time.

• While waiting for dinner, they talk about many things but not once talking about what happened and where Mammon might be. They talk and talk, sometimes just sitting there basking in a comfortable silence, like nothing ever happened.

• At that moment Levi realized something, every brother of his has their own role in this dysfunctional family. All of them are glue but Mammon is the strongest glue that holds them together.

• It's time for dinner and they walk downstairs to the dining room. Levi talk animatedly about new games and anime series with Mammon beside him, listening closely to whatever he said.

• When he is more sure that it's not some fuck up thing his mind torture him, he is more confident and want to savor everything. He misses his brothers so much.

• They walk slower than usual because Mammon is still not used to moving his body.

• The others brothers who already seated began to hearing Levi loud and antusias voice, something they do not heard since that accident

• They are curious as to what the cause of this and who he talk to but then they froze in place when they heard a familiar loud laugh following whatever Levi says

• They look at the door aticipantly and when Levi and whoever he is with arrived in their peripheral vision, they hold their breath

• Mammon stood beside Levi a little awkwardly and waved at them, trying to look confident and choky when he greeted them.

• Anyone would think it's Beel or Asmo who immediately rush to Mammon, or even Satan remembering how he look at that time

• But much to everyone's surprise, it is Lucifer who suddenly stands in front of them and hugs Mammon. He let a shaky breath

• There are many things he want to say, but he manage just to say, "welcome back, little brother"

[angstarella]

(for you) i will try // Harry Styles Fic Exchange Short Story

A ex-lovers reunion ou where ex’s are ex’s for a reason, weddings are near-on soul destroying and Harry and Indigo together are just a massive cause for disaster ~ 17k

trigger warning: cheating, toxic relationships and alcohol abuse described. 

Indigo never predicted she’d be in this predicament – that her entire life could be flipped around in a measly 48 hours.

She never thought she would doubt everything about herself but now she did.

She never thought her career took precedence over her relationship.

She never thought that she would catch her girlfriend of two years cheating on her in their bed.

She never thought betrayal could cause this much pain.

And what may have topped it all, Indi never thought in a million years that she would agree to help Jack and his now–fiancé plan their surprise wedding for them with none other than Gemma’s little pop star of a brother  – who was a whole different subject of issues.

All Indigo knew was that she needed a drink and a cigarette – immediately.

i. let’s have a (surprise) wedding

It wasn’t the fact that social gatherings bothered me that put me off being here. It was the fact that it was the first time six years I had been back home. The whole village of Holmes Chapel seemed to be here in Mr and Mrs Twist’s house and all they wanted to know was when I would move back and settle down with a man and have kids with him. It was miserable enough to have those expectations put on you by your own parents, let alone the whole village. 

It’s also something nice to hear when you’ve just been dumped by your girlfriend (...well, ex-girlfriend, I suppose) two days ago. I craved nothing more than to rifle through my bag and pull out a pack of Malboro Gold, light up and inhale the ever-calming smoke that put my anxiety to ease. The e-cigarette I bought twenty minutes before leaving London would have to do. There was no way I was going to give my mother another reason to be on my case. Being a bisexual millennial was enough to make my mother to sprout grey hairs. I didn’t need to add being a closeted smoker to her stress list. The best I could do was a flimsy version of a healthy cigarette to keep my nicotine addiction at bay. 

The fiery orange skyline settled down into it’s dark violet dusk as I sneaked out to the veranda overlooking the back garden; trying my best to get a moment's peace from the party inside. Strawberry vapour filled my lungs as I dragged from the sleek black pen, wishing nothing more than to smoke whatever the hell I wanted back at my apartment in London. 

“I see you still haven’t quit smoking.” 

My body tensed as I felt his presence saunter closer. His sweet yet spicy smell seemed to overtake the lasting lingers of vapour. It was infuriating how it hadn’t changed since the last time I had seen him; almost like he wore it purposely just to piss me off. 

“Mind you,” He finally stopped by my side as I ignored him, looking out as far as I could see. “I suppose this is the healthier alternative.”

Rather than the sickly sweet vapour that had filled my lungs just moments before, annoyance replenished every fibre in my body. It was only something that he could do and he absolutely knew it. He was the only person in this entire universe that could flick this switch inside of me and he had great pleasure in doing so whenever he could get the chance. 

“Harry Styles. What a surprise.” 

“Really?” Harry chuckled as he turned, leaning against the wooden rail of the veranda and staring at no other than me. “You’re surprised to see me at my Mum’s house, at my sister’s birthday party.”

My silence spoke volumes. 

“If anything, it should me surprised to see you here. It’s been like, what – four years since you’ve been back here in Holmes Ch–”

“I didn't realise you kept count of my comings and goings Harry.” 

My eyes finally met his. Since the last time I had seen them in person three years ago, they had only grown into a richer forest green which knocked the wind out of me. His hair still held those chocolate curls that I ran my fingers through so many times before, it was impossible to keep count. I felt sick that these memories flashed back into my body in such a quick moment. Anxiety pulsated through my veins to the point where my fingertips were on fire. 

“Indigo Palmer,” Harry’s eyebrow arched upwards in smugness. “There’s no way I can’t help but keep my eyes on you and wherever you go.”

“Ugh, Harry!” I groaned. “You can’t just say that to me. Not anymore.” 

Harry’s eyes dropped mine own, slipping down to where his scuffed up boots crossed together. “You’re right.” His lips rolled inwards for a second, his shoulder jerking slightly. “Sorry.” 

The noise of Gemma’s party quietly bounded outside of Harry’s parents house, all while the back veranda offered us the mere silence of our breathing. It was something we had done many times before. Through all of these years that we had known each other, we could talk endlessly about everything and on the other hand, say nothing and appreciate what we had and what we had around us. Now, everything about him hurt me. 

“So where is Emily? I thought she would of been here.” Harry lifted his hand to scratch at the nape of his neck, a nervous tick he had ever since we were children. My throat instantly tightened as soon as I heard her name leave his lips. It was two parts of my world that I did not want to mix ever again. 

“W–we, uh… She…” My voice fumbled, trying to grasp at any sentence that would make what trying trying to say sound the tiniest bit better. 

“We’re not together anymore.”

“Oh,” Silence thumped in my ear drums. I watched as Harry’s eyebrows furrowed down, frown lines denting his smooth olive skin. 

“Sorry to hear that. What happened?” 

As hard as I fought, my eyes found themselves rolling at his ridiculous question. Who the hell did he think he was? My therapist? But as soon as Harry saw them roll, his eyes seemed to follow my lead and rolled back while he shook his head. 

“Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s gone on but it looks like you need to talk to someone.” Harry shrugged. 

“And that someone should be you? Just like old times then, yeah?” I scoffed maliciously. 

The wind rustled against the leaves as Harry thought for a second or two, before shrugging his shoulders once more.

“Well, yeah. Why not talk to me? You always used to talk to me.”

Inhaling deeply, I looked him once more dead in the eye. I hated doing that because all I saw was trust and love every time I lost myself in those eyes of his. That’s why I hadn’t looked him in the eye the last time I saw him and it was all it took for me to break down.

“S–she, uh… She thought I spent too much time at work and focusing on being an associate at the firm I’m currently at. Apparently that qualifies her to… cheat on me I suppose.”

“Fuck,” Harry whispered so quietly, I almost never heard him. “That’s so shit, Dig. I’m really sorry she did that to you.” 

Tears welled in my eyes while guilt instantly poured in my lungs. I had felt this three years ago but it still felt fresh –  a old wound reopened. I suppose I deserved it. I finally got my karma. I looked up to the sky where the stars were beginning to peak from the night sky, blinking as hard as I could to get rid of them. 

“Y–yeah, it only happened a few days ago.” I sniffed. “So if you can like– not tell anyone? That would be great. Mum’s already on my case and I just don’t have the energy to deal with this situation, let alone have her meddle in it.” 

Harry’s head nodded profusely. “Yep, sure. You got it. No problem at all. In fact, consider this–”

Before Harry could continue his rambunctious rambling, the door behind me creaked open. Instantly turning around, I watched as Jack and Gemma stumbled out of the house giddily; not realising that their younger siblings were also catching a moments peace on the back veranda until Harry coughed aloud. 

“Oh! Here’s where you two have been hiding.” Gemma clapped her hands together. “We’ve been looking for you.”

Turning around, I leaned against the rail beside Harry trying my hardest to discreetly slip my hand that held the e-cigarette behind his back. Thankfully Harry had caught on and shuffled forward slightly so I could do so. 

“Well, you found us!” The weight of Harry’s arm suddenly dropped onto my shoulders, pulling me closer into his side. “What’s going on?”

Jack pulled one of the chairs that sat by the back door, scraping its legs against the outdoor tile before plonking his arse in it. 

“Need to talk to ya about the wedding.” Jack drunkenly mumbled as he pulled a giggly Gemma down to sit in his lap. 

“What wedding?” 

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I looked at Harry to see if he knew what in the world my brother was talking about but he looked just as confused as I did. 

“Our wedding.” Jack shrugged, wrapping his arms around Gemma’s waist. “Mine and Gem’s. You’d both know that if you were inside five minutes ago.”

With a wide grin, Gemma held out her hand that had a small but sparkly diamond on her ring finger that shimmered despite the lack of light. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“It’s gorgeous Gem.” A shocked smile grew on my face. 

I hated how miserable I felt. I should have been ecstatic that my brother and his long-time girlfriend were finally getting married. I put on a mask and played my part despite feeling like I was rotting from the inside out. 

“Congratulations you two.” 

“Yeah, Congrats.” Harry beamed, shaking Jack’s hand before leaning over and kissing Gemma’s cheek. “It’s about bloody time!” 

“Yeah, yeah. We’re getting there.” Jack grinned. “Anyways, we came to talk to you about the wedding.” 

“We want to have a surprise wedding!” Gemma jumped in, her grin reaching from ear to ear. 

“Uh,” my eyebrows furrowed. “I’m a bit confused. How do you expect to have a surprise wedding when you’ve just told everyone in that house you’re getting married?”

“Well, that’s kinda where you two come in.” Gemma began to explain. “We’re wanting to throw a party in a month’s time and while everyone else will be thinking it’s an engagement party, we will surprise them with it being the actual wedding ceremony!” 

Before Harry and I could object (or say anything really), Jack piped up. “What Gem’s trying to ask is if you’ll plan our wedding for us.”

‘We’ll pay you for your time and effort!” Gemma assured us. “It’s just, some of the best times we’ve had with each other have been at some of those parties you used to throw back when you two were together.”

“And honestly, if it weren’t for the two of you, Gem and I probably wouldn’t be together. There’s no one else that we trust more than you two to do this.” Jack shrugged as Gemma looked at us with hope beaming from her eyes, making me feel worse by the second. 

I took one look at Harry who looked just as unsure as I felt but I knew him. I knew he would do anything for them and while I would have like to say I would too, I wasn’t entirely sure I could. 

Harry looked down for a second before looking at me, searching for an answer I wasn’t sure I could give. As soon as the corner of his mouth pulled up, revealing a small smile that would be a true smile truly for the first time in 48 hours, I knew what his answer would be… what our answer will be.

“Sure. We’ll plan your wedding.” 

ii. let’s get a game plan together

It was a rare occasion for the sun to be out in London, so it was fair to say that I was making the most of it. Actually, a lot of people were. I sipped at my coffee as I sat outside of the nearly full café, watching people bustle by. My legs rarely felt the instant warmth of the sun and god was I loving it. It would have been great, if Harry Styles actually was on time for once. 

After learning about Jack and Gemma’s plans for their wedding which they were basically leaving Harry and I in control of, Harry and I had made a plan to meet a week later and get this underway. We only had a month to make this miracle happen for our siblings after all. 

Despite the street being filled with people, I instantly spotted Harry’s chocolate curls bounding towards me. If it wasn’t for the tiny blonde child in his arms, I swear I could have murdered Harry on the spot. 

“You’re late.” 

“Really?” Harry exasperated sarcastically. He somehow pulled the chair out from underneath the table with his foot, all while shooting me a very unimpressed look. “Nothing about the kid in my arms isn’t giving you any clue as to why I might be late?” 

“Nope.” I shrugged. “Absolutely none.”

The small girl giggled as Harry lowered her into the seat across from me, his nose instantly following the noise. 

“Alright, enough out of you cheeky-monkey.” His palm flattened her wispy strays of blonde hair  “What would you like to eat, huh?” She bit down lightly on her bottom lip, her wee eyebrows furrowing as she grew deep in thought. 

“A muffin please.”

“A muffin? A fruity one?”

“Yes, A muffin. I’ll pass on the fruity though.” The blonde girl nodded decidedly. “Chocolate will do.”

That sentence alone caused Harry to belt out a full-bodied laugh, to the point where his head tilted back, eyes shut closed with little crow's feet rippling on the outer sides and his palm grasping at his protruding belly. If people weren’t looking at Harry Styles before, they certainly were now. 

As Harry got over his laughing fit, wiping away y few stray tears that had rolled down his cheeks, he looked down once more at the girl. 

“You be good for Dig, okay? I’ll be back in a few.”

The curve of her ponytail bounced as she nodded profusely before Harry made his way into the cafè, ignoring all of the stunned looks others were giving him. I could only shake my head at him, trying my hardest to hold back the scowl that was threatening to appear. If it wasn’t for the kid staring wide eyed at me, I might have just let it appear. 

“So who might you be?” The little blonde thing grinned at me, two of her upper teeth and one on the bottom clearly missing from her smile. 

“I’m Lux!” 

“Oh.” I hadn’t been expecting that. 

The last time I had seen Lux, she had only just been a baby; Fast on her feet and hiding away from Harry and I any chance she got. The only reason the memory had stuck with me for this long was because Harry and I had literally lost her in the house for a solid hour and a half. 

It was one of the most frightening moments of my life. Here Harry and I were, naïve adults who thought they could look after a baby for the night and we literally lost a child that was under our care. Thank god she hadn’t been taken or had let herself outside! She probably had been laughing at us the whole time as she hid behind the bookshelf in the living room.

“We’ve actually met before.” 

“We have?” Lux gasped.

I nodded before taking another sip of my coffee. “You were just a baby the last time I saw you.” 

“That’s cool!” She threw me another grin. “Are you Uncle Harry’s friend?”

My lips pursed into a small frown as my eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched up in thought. 

“Uh… kind of?”

“Oh.” Lux looked down at her lap before snapping back up towards me. “So is your name really Dig?”

“Excuse me?” I frowned once more in confusion.

“Is your name Dig? Because that’s what Uncle Harry’s been calling you today. It’s a little strange if you ask me.”

Inhaling deeply, I rolled my eyes at Harry’s idiocy. Of course he couldn’t just call me by my name properly, could he?

“No. I think that’s just Harry trying to be funny.” That comment seemed to pull another giggle from Lux. 

“He’s not very funny, is he?”

“No, he isn’t.” I agreed, giggling quietly along with her. “He’s the type of person you end up laughing at because he thinks he’s hilarious.”

Lux burst out laughing, which pulled a small smile out of me. Before she could add anything else, a chocolate muffin on a porcelain plate was slid in front of Lux. Both Lux and I looked up to see Harry holding a very unimpressed look. 

“Excuse me Dig but for your information, I am hilarious.” Harry placed a glass on orange juice in front of Lux before sitting in the chair next to her. “You know that.”

“You are not Harry. You are the opposite of–”

“So what’s your name then?” Lux cut in before I could finish insulting him. I was actually taken aback by it. 

“Oh,” I stammered. “My name’s Indigo but most people call me Indi.” I couldn’t help but snare at Harry who just rolled his eyes at me. 

“That’s a really nice name.” Lux smiled at me before she promptly turned towards Harry with a frown. “Why don’t you call her by her name? It’s pretty.”

“Because I’ve called her Dig for most of my life. I’m not going to stop now just because you say so.” Harry said as he pulled out his phone from the front pocket of his hoodie. “Now play a game on this while me and Dig sort somethings out, yeah?”

Lux happily took the iPhone out of his hand and tapped away to her heart's content. 

“You got that email from Gem, yeah? The one about–”

“What they want for the wedding and what they’ve already got sorted?” I finished Harry’s sentence off, irritation slowly seeping in my veins. “Of course I did. They also asked me to help me plan their wedding, not just you Harry.”

“Woah!” Harry leaned back slightly, eyes wide open in shock. Lux wearily looked over the phone screen, her eyes flicking between Harry and I before focusing on the game she was playing.  “That’s not what I meant Dig.” 

I knew that wasn’t what he meant. Truly; but I couldn’t help but have my guard up around him. The situation we were in was nothing like we were in before and I couldn’t understand why he was acting like we were best friends again. He had to know I wasn’t in the best state of mind.

“That’s how it sounded.”

From one look, I knew he wanted to argue back. His lips slightly pursed in a small scowl and his nose scrunched to the left. Having knowing Harry for as I had, I instantly picked up on his tells and I could only pray for the sake of Lux and I that he just kept his mouth shut for once. 

I slipped my notebook out from my handbag that sat on the only free chair at this table, flipping immediately to the pages where I already jotted a few notes and ideas down since Gemma and Jack had asked us to perform a miracle. 

“I think since they’ve already emailed through their guest list, we should just get a start on a booking a venue.” Despite the frown still etched on his face, Harry nodded in agreement as a waitress placed a coffee in front of him and another cup in front of me. We both mumbled our thanks to the waitress before getting back to the subject at hand. 

“We could just have it at Mum’s and Robin’s. Don’t have to book anything in advance and no one will think there will be a wedding happening if they turn up there.” Harry commented after he had taken a sip of his black coffee. “Everyone will just think it’s a generic engagement party.” 

Harry’s nose twitched when I sighed aloud. “They want our parents to be surprised as well H. The moment a set-up crew and catering turn up to your parents place, they’re suddenly in on the secret.” I shrugged. 

“And in my opinion, it’s probably a lot easier to book a venue that can cater for our needs and have everything all in one place than transport everything to your Mum’s and then take it all back. What do you think?” I left the ball in Harry’s court, trying my hardest to not make it seem like I was taking over as the project manager. We were doing this as a team. 

Harry sat there for a few moments before nodding to himself. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. It was a right pain in the arse waiting on others to bring stuff to us and then wait for them to take it away.” 

A wave of relief overcame me when he had agreed with my suggestion. This whole wedding planning business wasn’t going to be an easy ride in the park but at least I could see he was trying too. 

“So where do you think we should go?” I asked Harry, ready to write down a list of venues to check out. 

Harry chewed on his bottom lip as he thought, a few silent minutes passing by. “I don’t think we should go with venues like Crewe Hall or Colshaw Hall. Seems a bit obvious to have a surprise wedding somewhere like that innit’?”

“Yeah,” I nodded in agreement. “You’re right.” 

“What about somewhere like Oak Tree of Peover? I went to Jamie-lee’s wedding there last August and it’s was pretty but not like – overwhelming y’know? It was very low-key.” Harry suggested as he stole a bit off of Lux’s barely touched muffin. 

“That’s a really good idea, H…” I said, quickly noting down The Oak Tree of Peover as a venue option. 

From memory, I remember it being a lovely venue for a wedding. The Oak-framed barn made it one of the most gorgeous treasures that Cheshire had to offer, overlooking the picturesque countryside that captured our little hometown perfectly. Ideas began popping off in my head, immediately spurring more venues around Holmes Chapel. 

“We should probably go do some research on more venues and shortlist the ones we like.” I suggested as I finished writing down the last venue idea I had. Harry nodded before taking a sip of his coffee. “And maybe go to HC next weekend and check out the venues we shortlist?”

“Cool,” I picked up my phone, immediately opening the trainline app to book a ticket back home. “Do you want me to book you a train ticket?”

“Uh, no thank you.” Harry shook his head. “I was thinking you and I could carpool up there.  Y’know, since we're both going to the same place to do the same thing.”

“I suppose that make sense. Ooooh! We can go to Dad’s and do the invitations to.” The pen dropped loudly onto my notebook, causing Lux to look up from Harry’s phone. “He’ll have everything we need to do it!”

“Can’t we just get them printed like normal people?” Harry groaned. “We’re already short on time as it is?”

“What’s the point of having a Dad that owns his own art supply store? He’ll love having you around.” 

“That doesn’t answer my question Dig.” Harry quipped. My shoulders dropped in disappointment. This wasn’t like him. Normally he would be all over this type of stuff. It used to be me that protested in time-wasting.

“Oh come on Harry! Dad will be thrilled! His daughter visiting him twice in the same month except with his most favourite ex of mine! He’ll love it! And he can help! Pleeeease H?” 

Harry chewed on his bottom lip, deep in thought with doubt written all over his face. 

“Look, I’m not budging on the handmade invitations. It’s something I want to do to make this wedding special. But if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine too. I’ll do them myself and you can research into some photographers and DJ’s maybe?” A sigh escaped from me. “Seems more down your alley anyways.” 

“Okay then. Sounds good.” Harry just shrugged his shoulders, slowly annoying me. It was like he almost didn't give a shit. I mean, of course he cared about Jack and Gemma’s wedding but when it concerned me and doing my bit to help create this wedding, he just… couldn’t care. I didn’t think that it would affect me so much. 

“Harry…” I pleaded. “Please work with me here. I’m trying my best.”

“I know you are.”

iii. let's (try) start the invitations

If it wasn’t the sun peaking through my half-shut curtains waking me up from my deep slumber, it was the birds that were happily chirping away in the tree outside my bedroom. Well, my childhood bedroom at my Dad’s. There was no chance of any birds chirping outside my flat in London.I ached from head to toe.

My body felt stiff as I lay in the measly king-single bed. I could only really narrow it down to a few reasons why that might of been. 

I had a non-stop day in the office working on the McNealson case yesterday, trying my hardest to get everything done before focusing solely Jack and Gemma’s wedding; but I had to spend a further 3 hours and 45 minutes making awkward conversation with Harry. Also, the argument I had with Emily minutes before Harry knocked on the flat door didn’t help. 

As soon as I stepped into the flat yesterday, I could tell Emily wanted to have another argument. She sat on the couch with her legs crossed at the ankle, nursing a half-empty glass of red wine with a scowl on her face. Now while we still lived together technically, we really didn’t. Since the moment I got back from Gemma’s birthday party in HC, I had avoided the flat like the plague. I hadn’t found it within myself to kick her out of my flat and I couldn’t tell you why. There was something about our relationship that made me act like I was clinging on to a drowning boat, hoping that it would keep me or rather our relationship afloat… but it was the suitcase that had finally sunk it.

“Where are you going?” Emily snided as I pulled my suitcase out of the storage cupboard in the lounge. 

“Back to HC.” I mumbled quietly, my lungs concaving out of the pure pain they felt. 

“Running away again yeah?” From the corner of my eye, I could see her scoff before finishing the last of her wine. “Don’t know why I’m surprised. You always run away, even to a place you haven’t been back to in six years.” 

“I don’t know what you expect me to do Em.” I couldn’t help but snap back. “You’re the one who cheated on me, remember?”

“Of course I remember Indigo! You haven’t let me forget it since.” She drunkenly yelled back. “What I want to know is when you’re going to get over it!”

My jaw dropped in shock. “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me the first time Indigo.” She slammed the wine glass back onto the coffee table. “When are we going to get back to normal? When are we going back to being Em and Indi?” 

I shook my head despite every part of me being stunned at what she was saying. “I’m not doing this now. I’ve got to pack before Harry gets here.”

This only sparked Emily’s fury. 

“Harry?!” She spat viciously. “As in Harry Styles?! Your pop star ex-boyfriend? That Harry?!”

“Jesus Christ Em.” My eyes bugged out at her outburst. “Why does that matter?”

“It matters because it’s him!” Emily nearly screamed. “He’s the only other person you’ve loved besides me, Indi! Can you honestly not see why I’m scared? You left him for me and now you’re just running back to him to spite me.”

“I am not Emily!”

“Yes you are!”

For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why Emily was nutting off at me, about Harry nonetheless. We were only carpooling. It just made sense to go there together. Besides, wasn’t she the one I caught cheating on me with another woman in our bed? Why was it all my fault? 

And then there was the knock on the flat door. Now it may well could have been Mrs Dowley from across the hall, ready to give us another growling for having an argument this late at night in which I totally agreed with, I had a feeling it might have been someone else that would have fueled Emily’s anger. 

It was obvious from the moment Harry knocked on the door that he had heard a decent part of our argument. I noticed his cheeks flushed red and was overall antsy about getting on the road from just his body language. Emily looked past me and just glared at him. Thankfully, I was that angry I didn’t even let him in the door. In fact, I left the empty suitcase sitting in the middle of the lounge. 

“You need to be gone by the time I get back on Monday, Em.” My mouth moved before I even realised I was speaking. “You and your stuff. I want it gone. I can’t deal with this anymore.” 

“I’m sorry, are you kicking me out of my own home?” Emily choked out, shock evident in the lack of breath she had. I don’t think she quite believed I’d be the one to kick her out. 

“My name is on the lease. You’re the one who cheated on me. This was my home before it was ours. You’re the one who’s got to go.” 

Silence was the only sound that could be heard. Tears threatened to burst over my inflamed cheeks. Harry stared on uncomfortably, trying to ignore what was happening in front of him. 

“If you’re that concerned about where you should stay, may I suggest you–“ 

“Just stop lawyer talking me Indi! Talk to me normally! We can work this out.” Emily pleaded. 

“I suggest you go to that slag whose face you were sitting on top of in our bed and ask if you can stay with her. Tell her that you ruined what was good here and now have nowhere else to go. But as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have to do anything for you anymore. I’m done. We’re done.”

Emily began to sob, tears rolling down her cheeks, begging me not to do this. As much as it hurt to see the girl that I had loved cry in front of me, the tiniest bit of relief made me feel like I could breathe again. 

“Jack is staying here for a few days while I’m away. You can leave your key with him. Don’t call me.” 

Before I could go back on the impulse decision I had just made, I slammed the door behind me, grabbed Harry’s wrist and began to drag him towards the elevator, mumbling a quick “Let’s go.” 

I probably pressed the elevator button six or seven times in a row, my fingers shaking as angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I just needed to get out of this building as soon as possible. I just couldn’t bare being in here any longer than I needed to.

“Hey, hey, hey…” 

Harry grabbed hold of my shaky hands, turning myself around to face him. His arm curled around the back of my head and suddenly my face was smothered in the confines of the crook of his neck, a place I used to consider a safety net years ago. 

“Shhh, you’re okay Dig. I promise.” 

It was like he knew exactly what I needed. I let out the deep breath I hadn’t realised what I had been holding. He had offered to go back into the flat and get some clothes for the weekend but I didn’t want him to face the wrath of Emily alone. Thankfully, I had left some spare clothes at Dad’s when I went up for Gemma’s birthday. 

In all honesty, I was thankful that Harry had turned up when he did. I’m not sure what I would have done if he hadn't. Everything about yesterday was just as traumatic if not more than when I caught Emily with another woman. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about it; about her; about the betrayal.

A loud bang from downstairs had broken my mental reliving of yesterday. Moments later, a hushed “Fuck!” could just be heard, causing me to forget my tragedy of a life for one second and bring the first genuine smile to my face in days. 

“Dad! I hope you’re making what I think you’re making!” If I knew my Dad as well as I did and from judging by all the racket coming from the kitchen, we were having his famous blueberry pancakes. Throwing the covers off, I made my way downstairs with a rumble in my stomach. 

“I’ve been craving these all week! I–” I immediately choked once I saw the mop of chocolate curls scarfing down a stack of my pancakes. Harry smirked as he felt my snarl from across the room. “What the fuck are you doing here?” 

“Prinny! That’s no way to talk to a guest.” Dad gasped in shock, taking one look over his shoulder to look Harry, whose smug expression still hadn’t left his big head. “Especially a scrawny pop star one at that.”

“Oi! I’m not scrawny!” Harry protested. “I’ve been working out… a lot!” 

My eyes couldn’t help but roll backwards at the both of them. There was a time where Harry used to be afraid coming to my Dad’s house, purely because my Dad was overly protective of his only daughter and young Harry was shagging her; and now here they were. The chummiest of buddies. Unbelievable.

“Why are you here eating my pancakes?” Glaring at Harry, I took a seat next to him before snatching the fork out of his hand. “Don’t you have your own Mum to make you your own pancakes?”

“For your information Prinny,” Before I could stab the fork into the fluffy pancakes on his plate, Harry suddenly snatched the fork back. My nose twitched as I cringed at the horrible nickname leave Harry’s mouth. “My Mum’s in London for a girls weekend with Gem. That’s why Jack’s been booted to your flat. So I’ve come to eat your Dad’s pancakes instead.” 

“God, I wish you two wouldn’t call me that. You know I hate it.” 

“It’s a wonderful name!” Dad stated with certainty. He slid a plate of my very own pancakes in front of me, handing me a fork so I could also gain some sustenance. “I put a lot of thought into that name when you were born.”

“It’s not that hard to put Princess and Indi together Dad. Anyway, that isn’t the point. The point is that I am a 24 year old woman and I shouldn’t have to be ridiculed by that ridiculous nam–” I tried to argue but before I could continue, a fork full of pancake was rather rudely shoved into my mouth. 

Harry tried to hold back his laugh but I could see his cheeks twitching. “Shut up and eat your pancakes, yeah? Your Dad and I don’t have time for this nonsense. We’ve got invitations to make and party venues to look at.”

“I’ve got to agree with young Harry here Prinny.” Dad thought to add his opinion, all for Harry to grin ear to ear. “We’ve got to get down to the art shop before ten if you don’t want to be caught with Harry by Mrs Birchingham. Who knows what rumours she’ll spread around Holmes Chapel if she catches you two in the same shop.”

“Yeah Prinny, we can’t have that.” Harry chided, getting his kicks from agreeing with my Dad and more so by annoying me. I was just glad he had changed his attitude within the week since I saw him last and oddly, it was rather nice to be sitting here at my Dad’s with his company and my favourite pancakes. 

iv. let’s find a venue to party in

“So I got the photographer, videographer and DJ booking confirmation just before.” Harry said as he chewed through his burrito, barbeque sauce slowly dripping down from the corner of his mouth. My eyes rolled as I lifted my hand up to his mouth, wiping away the brown sauce that was irritating me. 

“Oh,” I wiped the excess sauce onto the side of Harry’s jeans, as we walked towards the church. “Who’d you get then?”

Harry stumbled over his own feet, bumping into me slightly as he tried to correct himself. “One of Gem’s friends works for a photography company in Manchester and her colleagues is going to do the photography and videography.”

“You sure Gemma’s friend won’t find out. They’re both really adamant about people not finding out the wedding.”

“Yes, Indigo. I’m sure.” Harry’s chest rose as he deeply inhaled, letting out possibly the loudest sigh anyone on earth had heard in its entirety. “Madeleine and Seth are going to the job as freelance photographers, so the actual job doesn’t go through the company. That way Francesca won’t find out about the wedding.” 

“That’s good. What about the DJ?”

Harry’s nose scrunched slightly as he thought. “Well, there’s this guy James that Nick is kind of mentoring with the whole DJ-ing thing. He actually did a really great job at Nick’s New Years party so I thought I’d ask him and he said he’s good to go for the 27th.” Harry shrugged. “And I figure since Nick is invited, he can help out if anything goes wrong.” 

My neck immediately snapped towards him. “Are you expecting things to go wrong with him? Why on earth would you hire him if you think he’ll do something wrong?” 

Harry’s eyes bulged out in astoundment. “Jesus Dig, I didn’t say that.” 

“Yes you did!” My voice grew higher in annoyance. “You said that Nick would be there if any–” 

“I said that Nick would be there to help out if anything god for bid goes wrong. It’s not a bad thing Dig. You need to calm down.” He huffed, taking another bite before storming off in front of me. I didn’t reach him until I got to the magnificent french doors that lead into the foyer, the door just slamming in my face as Harry walked through.

I walked in the moment the young blonde girl at the reception say “Oh my god! You’re Harry Styles!” You would think that by now people would be used to Harry popping his head up every now and again around Holmes Chapel, but for some reason there was always one twenty-something-year-old girl that would make the biggest deal of him being in his hometown.

I watched as his mouth instantly lifted into a smile but into one of those fake smiles to appease people from his true feelings. I could tell he felt uncomfortable all from the slightest movement of his nose twitching to the left. Years ago, he would used to tell me how he hated being recognized as Harry Styles from One Direction in his own hometown. In his head, he was just Harry; a normal chap with a not so normal job, returning home to see his family and friends. To have people make a big hullabaloo 

“We’re booked under the name Palmer to view the wedding ceremony and reception areas.” 

“Oh,” the young girl frowned instantly as I stood besides Harry. “Your getting married to her? I thought you were with Cami–” Her mouth couldn’t help direct at Harry with some disgust. She couldn’t have possibly known how close that reality could have come true. It hit me like a rock sinking to the dark depths of the ocean, except in my heart. 

“No,” Harry coughed uncomfortably, interrupting her before she could finish off saying his last girlfriend’s name. “We’re here to plan a surprise engagement party for our friends.”

“Is Evelyn here? We were booked in with her to show us around.” I tried my hardest to redirect us to what Harry and I were actually here to achieve today. 

“No sorry. She went home sick today. I can help you out today though. Follow me through here.”

She pointed her oddly creepy smile towards Harry, completely ignoring me as she opened the door behind her. “My names Charlotte, if you wanted to know.” 

Charlotte showed us around the grounds and the venue which seemed to be fine. It was a little country motel that would’ve needed an entire book out just to get the venues, but the set up on the riverbank made up for that. It was one of the things that had caught my eye when Harry and I began researching venues and unbelievably, Harry and I agreed that it completed the vision Gemma and Jack wanted for their special day. 

However, it was obvious that she had no care for why I was around. It was all about Mr Popstar himself. Now while she happily informed Harry that they could organise rain cover if needed for the ceremony and that they had an onsite vendors that we could use to execute our vision, the venue could not hold the number of guests that had already RSVP’d back, let alone the number of people who had been invited to the engagement party/surprise wedding and we had no availability to valet parking. 

Despite the few hiccups the venue provided, we were seemingly moving towards the agreement that this would be the right place to have the wedding. We could book the out of town guests into the available accomodation and undoubtedly Jack and Gemma’s family could bunk in at our parents houses. The kitchen was more than satisfactory for any catering company to use as their facility. It was ticking most of the boxes on our checklist. 

Harry and I had been standing in the corner of the ball room, discussing where the best possible place to put the DJ booth while Charlotte had briefly run off to get some more information for us when my phone had let off a message notification. Scrambling through my handbag, I finally found my phone and was met from a message from Emily. 

Emily Xx:

so that’s it huh? You’re fucking him again? You fucking HATE everything about him Indi! I fucking knew you would do this Indigo! Let me remind you one of the many reasons you left him for me! Here’s another article ridiculing you for hanging around the UK’s biggest womaniser http://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/762998/harry-styles-rekindles-romance-with-childhood-sweetheart-indigo-palmer/

My throat instantly tightened as I read every word in her text, tears threatened to spill from the rims of my eyelids. My thumb shakily tapped on the link she had oh so graciously shared with me all while my anxiety heightened. 

I had already read the article and was already twenty hateful tweets in when Harry noticed the tears that had escaped, most likely dragging down my non-waterproof mascara down my cheeks. 

“Hey, hey Dig?” Harry hushed as he instantly stood in front of me, the pad of his thumb running underneath my eye. “What’s wrong?” 

“W–we c–can’t have the wedding here.” I managed to choke out. 

“What? Why?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

“B–because Charlotte or whatever her name was has b–been posting pictures of us the whole time we’ve been here.”

“No she hasn’t, has she?” I nodded sorrowfully. I said nothing more, just handing over my phone to the endless amounts of reactions that seemed to be popping off every millisecond. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. He knew how hard I took everything to heart and it was one part of his world that played part in destroying our relationship.

But somehow, I picked my head up.

My eyes flickered up with very little movement, just to gauge any indication of how he felt, despite in my bones knowing how upset he would have been. It was most likely the worst decision I had made today. 

Why? 

I watched how his face remained stern when he had finished reading the link, tapping the top left of the screen to return to the message thread between Emily and I; only to drop the moment he had began reading that message she had sent. 

“So I’ve got the booking information here for you. A deposit will need to be paid of course. So I was thinking we–“ 

“I’m sorry.” Harry began warily. “We’re going to have to go somewhere else.” 

“B–but, I’ve got the b–booking forms here.”

“Sorry.” Harry said bluntly. “I can’t hold a private event where staff are going to be posting pictures online before the actual event happens.”

He took hold of my hand, ever so gently and guided me back out to the entrance and carried on holding it until he had opened the passenger door of his car for me, waiting to get in. 

We only could’ve been driving for two minutes in dead silence, only the noise of the tyres crackling over the loose gravel could be heard until Harry coughed uncomfortably.

“Dig, I–“

“Are we stopping for a cigarette?”

“You didn’t deserve that.”

I took a deep breath in, the oxygen filling my lungs trying it’s best to ease the anxiety flowing through my body. What my body need was a tequila shot and a hit of nicotine to stop me from going crazy.

“It’s just an article.”

“It’s not just an article.” Harry said, anger seeping through his tone. “Our trust was betrayed; especially yours.”

I couldn’t argue that. 

“And I know you had your reasons for leaving me–“

“Harry–“

“But she had no right to try manipulate you with that article like that. It actually makes me sick to think she’s treated you like this for who knows how long.” 

Harry swiftly pulled his car onto the side of the road. “Please Harry, just–“

“Indigo,” The calluses on his hand softly scratched at my skin as he held my chin towards him. Sympathy poured from his forest green eyes, while mine were already bloodshot from the tears I couldn’t seem to hold back. “You deserve better… actually no, you deserve the best. And what she gave you just then was certainly not it.”

Before he could go any further, I quickly unclipped my seatbelt and threw my arms around his neck, my nose hiding in that crook I would find comfort in so many years ago. His lips pursed against the shell of my ear, peppering light kisses there as his arms wrapped themselves around me.

“I just – I need you to know that and no matter what, I’ve still got your back. You’ve got to know that.”

I sniffled there for a few moments, the beating of his heart the only noise being the only thing I could hear. 

“Can we have that cigarette now?”

“Yeah Dig. We can.”

v. let’s find someone to cook us some food (but I want cake)

“Jesus Dig, could you hurry up? I am starving.” Harry complained, lying on my bed staring up at the millions of fairy lights that scattered across the ceiling. I rolled my eyes at his childish antics, clipping the butterfly to the back of my earring. 

“I’m literally ready. Let me just get my shoes on and then we’ll go.”

“Well it’s about time.” He leaned up on his elbows. “You told me not to eat breakfast before this. Why would you tell me that if you planned on being this late.”

“We’re actually right on time. Our appointment isn’t until 11, which is 20 minutes away.” I slid on one shoe before throwing my foot up into Harry’s lap, saving me from bending down and buckling my own shoe. 

“You do know it will take us more than 20 minutes to get there.” Harry couldn’t help but snide as he slid the leather strap into the gold buckle. “You’ll be lucky if we get there in half an hour.” 

“Oh calm down, would ya?” I sniped wittily. “I Google Maps’d it this morning. It’ll take us 22 minutes to get there by car.”

“You can’t trust those things Dig. They’re not 100%–“

“Your mother really should have named you Harold, you know. You have the personality of a cynical 84 year old man.”

He glared up at me as he finished buckling my shoe. “I am a cynical 84 year old man.”

“Well, be a not cynical gentleman for once and do up my other shoe please?” The shoe hung from my fingers in front of him, the gold buckle clinking together as it swayed side to side. Harry huffed, almost snatching the shoe away. I nearly toppled over when I lifted my other foot up, Harry immediately getting hold of my hands and placing them on his shoulders to balance myself. 

“Right, that’s you ready to go.” He released my foot from his grasp. 

“Thank you.” I patted his shoulders once, his snarl slowly forming into a discreet smirk. “Can we go now? I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh, so it’s now you don’t want to be late?”

I didn’t even give him the satisfaction in answering, leaving him behind in my old bedroom at my Dad’s to get in his car. 

I had been surprised at how easily we had fallen into this weird friendship we had going on. We still argued almost every chance we could get, but  since that text message Emily sent last weekend, we were still able to get along just fine for the sake of planning this wedding. Even though Harry was most likely acting out of pity, I didn’t mind spending my free time with him. If anything, it reminded me of why I had fallen for him the first time. 

“Would you look at that! We’re here with time to spare.” 

We had pulled up to Scoundrels two minutes earlier than Google had anticipated, a smug smile perched right up on my face as Harry parallel parked outside of the café. Harry had no trouble in telling me to fuck off which had just made me more smug. 

The bell rang behind us as we walked through the doors and memories flooded in like a tidal wave. Scoundrels hadn’t changed one bit. Both Harry and I looked to the right where our table sat. 

I remember we could have only been about fourteen when our Mum’s had first dragged us there. Mum and Dad has only just divorced and Anne was wholeheartedly there to support our family in need. While Mum cried about the inevitable end of her relationship to Anne, Harry and I were forced to awkwardly sit with each other to the table in the right while Jack and Gem were out with their mates and over time, by sitting at that table playing the most stupidest games with each other, Harry and I used to both agree that it was one of the best things that had happened to us, because it was the beginning of us; the beginning to our adventure. 

“No fookin’ way!” A loud voice boomed from the counter, both of our heads swiftly turning towards the loud noise. “What are you doing here?! Are you two shaggin’ again?”

Harry burst out in laughter, clutching at his stomach as ZZ stood behind the counter, pure and utter shock written all over his face. 

“Zima!” Darcy squealed as she ran from behind  the kitchen and stood in the doorway. “You can’t just ask them that!”

“Well why didn’t you tell me they were our 11 o’clock appointment?! I would have had time to freak out before they turned up here.” 

“It was meant to be a surprise!”

“Nice to see you too Zuzima.” Harry grinned as he made his way over to ZZ, wrapping him up in a big ol’ hug. “And it’s nice to hear you still care about our sex life.”

“Harry!” I exclaimed, whacking his arm with the back of my hand. 

“What?!” With his eyes wide, Harry tried his best to act like he didn’t know what he had said. 

“Ignore them love,” Darcy quickly wrapped me up in a sweet hug. “Their brains operate at a far slower rate than ours. Makes us girls superior, I reckon.”

“Oi!” ZZ piped up. “You best take that back. Gender equality and all that.”

“You’re right darling, I’m sorry.” Darcy huffed playfully as she let me go and set her eyes on Harry. “Now get over here you. Haven’t seen you in months H. How have you been?”

I walked over to ZZ with a small smile on my face. I hadn’t seen him and Darce in years. I think the last time I might have visited would have been when I was visiting H on tour with the One Direction lads at one of their Manchester concerts, which was well over four years ago. 

“Hiya Zeez,”

A lot like Scoundrels, ZZ and Darcy hadn’t changed a bit either, so it wasn’t like I was nervous about that. I on the other hand had changed and from what I could tell, it wasn’t for the better. But ZZ just stood there with his kind smile and his arms out ready to give me a hug. We stood in each other arms for the longest time, just swaying side to side, holding each other tight. I actually hadn’t realised how much I had missed the both of them.

“Long time, no see sweetheart. You alright?” He mumbled quietly.

“Could kill for a decent coffee and a bit of cake.”

ZZ bellowed out a laugh, letting me go. “That I can sort that out for you. Go take a seat and I’ll bring us some.”

We all settled down on the larger table in the middle of the café, about two tables away from our self proclaimed spot. The bitter yet familiar aroma of ZZ’s coffee filled the café and I could already see from the look on Harry’s face, he was bloody happy about getting some coffee and food into himself. 

“So I’m a bit confused, like…” ZZ slid my Mocha in front of me and promptly sat down beside me while Harry and Darcy chatted amongst themselves on the other side of the table. 

“Are you guys, y’know… getting married?”

My eyes bulged out in shock as I sipped my coffee. I got that much of a shock, I ended up choking mid-sip. Harry had to pat my back rather brashly to help ease my coughing fit. ZZ immediately sat up straight, ready to explain himself in the fastest way possible. 

“D said this appointment was a engagement party sampler and possibly a cake tasting. I see that there’s no ring in your finger, but I thought you and H were keeping it secret.”

“Zima!” 

“What?!” He exclaimed, confusion written all over his face. 

“We’re not getting married, ZZ.” Harry said so carefully, as if he were trying not to break his own heart again with the subject of us and marriage. If anything, it added another crack into my own shattered heart. Darcy’s eyes flickered between the two of us as if her eyes were following a tennis match. 

“Jack and Gems are actually getting married and they wanted to have a surprise wedding as soon as possible. So they asked us to plan it for them.” He managed to snap back to normal, the knuckle of his index finger rubbing at the tip of his nose. 

“Oh.” ZZ responded disappointedly. There was no secret that he was definitely one of our #1 supporters. We had our first date in his café. Of course he was disappointed that it wasn’t us reuniting our love. “That’s well good innit’?”

“Yeah,” Harry looked over at me, a small smile reaching towards me. “We think so.”

“So what were they wanting to have for food?” Darcy asked after she finished sipping her tea. “Do they want to serve a big lunch or dinner, or kind of have a smorgasbord of food throughout the afternoon?”

“Well they’ve kind of left that up to Harry and I, so we were thinking that we could have smorgasbord set up on the day.” I explained. “That way people can help themselves throughout the day if we were able to do that.”

“Absolutely!” ZZ clapped his hands together. “We’d probably need to bring our portable container with our gear in it if your venue doesn’t have a decent kitchen in it.”

“We’re waiting to hear back from two venues and one of them won’t have a adequate kitchen, but they will have the room for the portable container to be onsite.” 

“Great,” Darcy wrote down in her notepad. “Now what kind of food requirements were you hoping to have?”

“Well ultimately, we would like a vegan menu if possible.” I tried to elaborate. “A lot of Gemma’s friends are vegan, but there are a few of Jack’s rugby mates and a couple of my Uncle’s that like a good roast.”

“What Dig is trying to say is that we’d like the best of both worlds.” Harry laughed, resting his arm on the back of my chair. “And we’d rather like it if you could make the wedding cake to

“Harry darling,” Darcy curled her fingers under his palm and squeezed his hand gently. “We’d do anything for you lot, especially after you helped us out a few months ago H. It be a pleasure to do this for your family and yours too Indigo. We’re really honoured that you both chose us to help you with your siblings wedding.” 

“Right,” ZZ clapped his hands, standing promptly out of his seat. “With that being said, I’ll bring out what I’ve prepared, yeah? There’s a killer red velvet I want you to try Indz. Come give me a hand Darce?”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as ZZ and Darcy both walked into the kitchen. 

“What did Darcy mean when you said you had helped them out?” 

Harry just shrugged his shoulders, acting as if it were nothing of importance. “It’s nothing.”

“Come on Harry. Tell me.”

His chest rose as he inhaled deeply, his eyes shining a vibrant forest green my way. “Mum told me Scoundrels was going to close just after Christmas, so I popped in for a visit to see why ZZ and Darcy were shutting up shop. The people that used to own the building were going to put the price of their rent up astronomically and they couldn’t afford to keep running the business when Aaliyah was going to go university next year.”

“So what did you do?”

“I bought the building. Well, I was going to gift it to them but being the people they are, they wanted to pay rent. So I agreed given that I was allowed to put the rent into a university fund for Aaliyah. But the building is theirs. They just don’t know that their names and Aaliyah’s is on the deed.”

I could hear ZZ and Darcy bickering in the kitchen but that hadn’t deterred my attention from the sweetest boy I knew, if not - the sweetest on this earth. 

“You are too good for this earth, Harry Styles.”

I remember first saying that to him when we were sixteen. 

He had been in the middle of the live shows for X Factor and was loving everything about his new life - the girls, the city, not going to college at eight in the morning. But he had heard through Anne that my Dad had just moved back to Holmes Chapel two years after his divorce with Mum to be reconnect with me and Mum was not dealing with it well, to the point where she nearly had a mental breakdown. So, he and Gemma invited me up to London for the week and any free time he got was spent with Gemma and I doing all the tourist-y shit around London. 

So I said the words at the end of my trip - “You are too good for this earth, Harry Styles.” He laughed boisterously, and shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal. It was just one of those things that stuck with us. To this day, I would say it was one of the best weeks I’ve ever had.

“N-no, I’m not.” He almost never replied to what I had just said, disbelief stricken all over his face. I could see his mind racing at one million miles per hour. 

My hand went to his knee, the pads of my fingertips applying the slightest of pressure in comfort. 

“Just because you don’t think so, doesn’t mean it’s not true Harry. You are inconceivably good.”

vi. let’s get everyone on the same page 

We were only a few days away from Jack and Gemma’s wedding and while everything seemed to be ticking along just fine, I had to go back to London for the last two trial days in court for the McNealson case.

I had already anticipated that my boss Mr Rodgerson would call me in to stand apart of the defence team when it came to the end of the trial. Thankfully for Mr Rodgerson and I, Judge Heatherly had come out with his verdict in our favour just before three, meaning I’d be back in Holmes Chapel just in time to meet Harry, Jack and Gemma at the pub. It also helped that Jack had lent me his car to use for the week, meaning I didn’t have to wait around for another 45 minutes for the next train back to HC.  

I didn’t think anything would go array when I pulled into Dad’s driveway, especially when all I was doing was dropping off a some clean clothes and my dress for the wedding; but as soon as I opened the car door and I heard two voices yelling at each other, voices so familiar it threw me back to my childhood, I just knew I’d be running late for the pub. 

“Why didn’t you let me know Matt?! For fuck sakes, she’s my daughter too!”

“I thought you knew Jules!”

It was almost like I was 12 again. 

Mum was stood in the kitchen, red in the face and fuming while Dad stood in the doorway to the dining room, arms out in disbelief, not knowing what he had done wrong this time.

“Why are you two at each other’s throats again?”

They both froze when they saw me come in the back door. Before Dad could even say hello, Mum directed her fury towards me. 

“Why have you been staying here on and off for the past month?” Mum spat viciously. “Actually no, why have you not bothered to come see me once since you’ve been back?”

My shoulders dropped as I let out an audible sigh. “It’s not what you think Mum.” 

“What do you mean it’s not what you think? What else am I meant to think when the only parent you see after six years of not coming home is the one who left you and your brother for two years of your life?”

“Julia! You can’t ju–“

“Mum,” I cut Dad off, knowing that they were both just egging each other on for a bigger and worse argument. “You obviously know that I’ve been helping Harry plan Jack and Gem’s engagement party then, yeah?”

Mum pursed her lips into a small scowl before nodding her head timidly. 

“And you know that while I’ve been doing that, I’ve also had the big McNealson on as well right? We found out this afternoon that we won the trial.”

Mum and Dad stayed silent, both of their faces showing small telltale signs of guilt. 

“I’ve just been busy Mum. I’m not trying to ignore you or cut you out of my life. From what Jack’s told me, you and Steven have his girls every other weekend and that’s okay. I just thought Dad’s was the most convenient place to stay because he has the room. If I’m honest, Dad and I have hardly spend any time together while I’ve been back and forth; but I’m sorry I made you feel like I was leaving you out of my life.”

Mum’s lip quivered as a small tear rolled down her cheek. Dad looked down at his boots sorrowfully as he leaned against the doorway. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you caught Emily cheating on you before Gemma’s birthday, Indi? I could have helped you with that.”

“What?!” Dad stood up immediately, his eyes running wild with outrage. “She cheated on you?!”

Mum’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “You didn’t know?”

“Of course I didn’t know!” Dad huffed. “Would’ve driven up to London myself and let her and the world know she isn’t and would never be good enough for my girl. Would have shat in her shoe too if Indi wanted me too.” 

I couldn’t help but laugh at the complete 180 degree change between the two of them. While I had known for the longest time that they really didn’t get along, they were both ever so protective Jack and I. This was a good reminder to how lucky we were to have parents like them despite their flaws. 

“Look I appreciate that you guys are both so protective of me and I love you both so much, but Emily and I… that was something I just had to deal with myself. There wasn’t anything or anybody that could fix how things turned out or how I felt. Only I can do that, okay?”

Dad bit down on his lip and nodded his head while Mum ran her thumb under her eye to get rid of the stray tears that had rolled down her face. A messenger notification popped off my phone holding the conversation to a stand still. I knew who it would be and I knew I was now running late. 

Harry: Where are you? 

“And Mum,” my voice shook as I entered unknown territory with my mother. “You’ve got to let the whole Dad disappearing for 2 years thing go. Your feelings are validated about the whole situation, but Jack and I have made our peace with Dad. So if you’re going to have a go at him, express your feelings to him and move on. Don’t use Jack and I as ammunition against him. He’s never done that to you, okay?”

Mum sniffled as she nodded, relief seemed to pour out of me considering she hadn’t gone off on another tangent. 

“Right.” I coughed in the uncomfortable silence. “I only came to drop some clothes off. I’m running late to meet Harry, Jack and Gemma at the pub.”

“Hey kiddo,” Dad stopped me in my tracks waving me toward him, my suitcase still sitting on the back step. “Come here.” 

I walked into his arms and wrapped my arms around his torso. “I’m so proud of you. Congratulations on winning the McNealson case.”

“Yeah congrats Bubba.” Mum said after Dad let me go, wrapping me up into her own big warm hug. “Love you so much.” 

Harry: seriously? Why is it always me that’s on time? Why can’t you or your brother or my bloody sister make it to planned things on time?

Me: calm ur fucken chill mate, OMW. B @ G&D in 5 mins. Also, b a darlin and order me a cider 

I left my parents together but not as how I had arrived. They were both sat down in the lounge with a cup of piping hot tea in front of them, calmly talking things through. Jack was not going to believe me when I told him what state I had left our parents in. 

The G&D had been every Holmes Chapel child’s first legal drinking hole, except my own. I had one drink there the day I turned 18, a glass of Pinot Noir with the Toad in the Hole I had ordered along with dinner. Three days later, I had moved all of my belongings from my Mum’s house to my small studio apartment in the middle of London and began my life there. 

So it wasn’t like I knew the ins and outs of the place, but I could spot Harry sitting at the far left table with a half drunken pint of beer and a cider on the table. 

“You alright, H?”

“Would be better if you lot turned up on time.” Harry snarled, sliding my cider over before taking a decent sip of his pint. “How’d your trial go?” 

“Judge Heatherly went in our favour. Ms Cindy Stewart will receive a reparation payout of £2.6 million from McNealson and Sons and another investigation into Mr Carter McNealson’s workplace harassment claims will start next month.” I shrugged before downing half my pint of cider in one go. “A good day's work if you ask me.”

“So the bastard and his father got what was coming for them, eh?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

“I–I uh,” Harry lifted his arm up to scratch the back of his neck. “I ordered some food. Wasn’t sure if you had dinner or not. I haven’t. So I… ordered food?” A laugh that began at the core of my body escaped me. 

“You and pub food? I can’t quite believe it!”

“Shut up.” Harry quipped. “Nothing wrong with pub food.”

“That’s where you draw the line. Pub foods okay but when it comes to a 6 pack of Chicken McNuggets and sweet and sour sauce at one in the morning, it’s suddenly a catastrophe.” Harry glared at me briefly as the young waitress placed our food on our table. At least she got something that resembled a smile out of him.

“Get over it. I’ve got important things to talk to you about before Jack and Gems get here. Mrs Birkenridge called and said if we still wanted to book her homestead, we could. Her daughter is going to be around looking after the place while she’s visiting her son in America.”

“That’s good news!” And it really was. There were so many places around Holmes Chapel that we loved but with it being a small town meant that the venues were even smaller. The only other venue that could hold the number of people we were accounting for was the hotel that caused my meltdown a few days ago – and we certainly were not going back there. It was fair to say we were kind of banking on the Birkenridge Homestead. 

“She also said that we can use the bedrooms if we need which I thought was lovely of her.”

“That is lovely of her to do that.” I agreed. “Did you give her the deposit?” 

“Transferred it on the spot. Told the set up crew and ZZ and Darcy to meet us there tomorrow so we can get it set up and sorted.”

He was acting odd. We had been counting on Mrs Birkenridge to come through and she had. I couldn’t understand why he was acting… grumpy. 

“What’s going on Harry?”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, frown lines deciding to make an appearance on his forehead. 

“Nothing.”

“Harry,” I tried once more. “What’s making you grumpy?”

His chest rose, uncertainty written all over him.

“Dad doesn’t think he’s going to make it.” Harry said, defeat laced in every syllable. “No matter how hard I’ve stressed to him how important it is for him to be here, he just… says he won’t come.”

Sadness seeped in my lungs, weighing my chest down all because I knew how the very act of Harry’s father not coming to his sisters engagement party/wedding hurt him to the core.

The topic of his Dad was an ultimate mess for not only Harry but for anyone who had the pleasure of dealing with his Dad. If it weren’t for the positive mindset Anne had instilled in her son, there would be no relationship with him at all. 

“Do you want me to call him myself? I have no problem doing so. I’ve done it before.” 

“Nah,” It was the first smile Harry had cracked since I arrived at G&D. “Gem reckons she doesn’t mind if he doesn’t turn up but like, I do. Like, if I were a Dad, I’d want to walk my little girl down the aisle. I don’t know why any father wouldn’t want to be at their daughter's engagement… or wedding. I don’t know. It’s all a mindfuck innit’?”

I nodded understandably. He was right. It was a mindfuck.

The messenger noise halted our conversation.

Jack: won’t be making it sis. the girls have turned up for drinks with gem so i’m off 2 deano’s 2 have some drinks with the boys. tell h he’s more than welcome 2 join 

Me: wow thanx 4 the invite arse. U 2 better be at mrs birkenridge’s @ lunch. xx 

“Well, guess who’s bailed on the meeting they planned?”

Harry rolled his eyes and let out a sigh of disappointment. “Bloody typical.”

“Well,” I clapped my hands together. “I don’t see why we should waste the rest of our night.”

“What do you mean Dig?” 

“I’m saying we should make the most of our free night not planning this wedding. I don’t know about you but I could do with a decent night drinking.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, he pondered the possibility of spending the night with me. 

“Fuck it.” He smiled once more, before necking down the rest of his pint. “Well go on then. To the bottom.”

That’s all it took for me to chug the rest of my cider and order us 2 shots of tequila each and another round of drinks, a start to interesting night.

vii. let’s get a start on this wedding

I could hear chirping.

Why could I hear chirping?

I took three deep breaths, my head thumping and my mouth drier than the Sahara desert. I couldn’t even bare the thought to open my eyes. If it weren’t for my turning stomach, I would have stayed in my deep slumber. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the weight on top of my abdomen, pressing all the wrong places 

“Get off.” I mumbled, squeezing my eyelids shut tighter as the daylight outside woke me up. Trying my hardest to push the weight off, I began to breathe quicker, my mouth watering at an insane rate as my turning got worse than before. “Get off. Get off. Get off.” 

A sigh of relief escaped me when I managed push the weight off me. Flinging the sheets off me, my eyes shot open and I ran to the bathroom, my stomach emptying into the toilet as soon as I collapsed in front of the toilet. The bathroom was beginning to spin once I had finished, so there I stood at the basin, stark naked brushing the remnants from the night before off my teeth. My thighs ached to the point where without the motivation to vomit, I wasn’t sure I could walk. 

I spat the remaining toothpaste into the basin, the running tap washing the foam down the drain. As I looked up into the mirror, I saw Harry standing behind me in the reflection, still half asleep and stark naked as I was. He reached around me, twisting the tap to the point the water stopped running. 

“Turn around.” His voice croaked. It had always taken a bit for his gravelly voice to warm up in the morning. 

Harry guided my hands to hook behind his neck, before running his own down my body, leaving a wake of goosebumps, settling at the back of my thighs. 

“Jump.” 

My legs locked around his body, while my eyes found comfort in the darkness of the crook of his neck. 

“You’re game.” I mumbled as Harry carried me back to my bedroom. “Walking around like this in my Dad’s house.”

“Calm down.” I heard him kick the door to my bedroom, as it bounced off the wall and back into us. “Your Dad left for work a couple of hours ago. He’s not exactly quiet when he leaves for work.”

My back hit the mattress gently as Harry lowered me down, a kiss placed on the very corner of my mouth which melted all my limbs to jelly. He draped the sheets over my body before occupying the space next to me like he had the night just been. His head rested by my right shoulder, eyes already shut closed. The calluses of his hand tickled at my hip as Harry pulled me closer to him. 

“H?” I asked so quietly, I wondered if he had heard me. My fingertips ran through the mess of his hair. Harry seemed to have liked it because he had shuffled closer to me and did this weird, purring thing. 

“Mmmm…”

“We had sex.”

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled smugly. “We did.” 

We lay in silence for a bit, the only noise was from the birds chirping outside my window. And while it seemed quite slow and steady out there, in here my brain could not stop running at one million and one miles per hour. 

“Do you think Dad would of heard us last night?”

“Oh yeah no doubt.” Harry chuckled. “Remember that time he stayed with us? The night of your graduation? You were almost louder than that night, I reckon.”

“Oi, no I wasn’t.” I disagreed. 

“Whatever you say Dig.”

Yesterday seemed like forever ago. While bits of it were a haze, there were times last night that were clear as day. I remember when Harry backed me into the corner, telling me how beautiful I looked. I told him to piss off. I remember tasting whiskey off of his tongue when he kissed me on the taxi home. I remember feeling so satisfied with colour purple that grew on the crook of his neck, admiring the handiwork I had done on him. I remembered what it was like to just have him in such a vulnerable state, the intimacy we shared almost identical to what we used to share with each other all those years ago. 

Rather than the experience being soul-shattering and painful like I thought it would turn out to be, I felt loved; something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Without knowing so, Harry and I fell into another deep slumber, where I had dreamed that we were about to go skydiving and I was about to jump off the plane when a phone began ringing.

“What?” Harry grumbled beside me. His heartbeat echoed in the shell of my ear as he listened to whoever was interrupting our time. “Shit! Yep, yeah. We will be there in ten minutes.”

“Who was that?”

“It was Gemma.” Harry slipped out from under me, making me whimper from the loss of contact and warmth. 

“Come on Diggy babe. You’ve got to get up. Everyone’s at Mrs Birkenridge’s.”

“What?!” That made me instantly sit up. I couldn’t recall in the whole time that I had known Harry for him to dress himself as quickly as he did. Me on the other hand still felt drunk. He threw on his clothes and then helped me into my own before putting me into the car and drove speedily towards the Birkenridge Homestead. 

“I’m so sorry we’re late.” Harry instantly apologised to the woman I assumed was Mrs Birkenridge’s daughter. 

“It’s no problem. I’m Rosemary, Mary-Louise’s daughter. You must be Harry? We spoke on the phone.”

“Yeah I am. Nice to meet you.” Harry grinned, holding his hand out for her to shake his hand. “This is Indigo, Jack’s sister. We’re both planning the engagement party together.”

Despite every cell in my body functioning at a 45% success rate, I pulled a smile on my face and shook Rosemary’s hand. “Hiya! Nice to meet you.”

”You too.” She smiled politely as she lead us around the property. “Jack and Gemma are just around the back by the pond. They were telling me that you used to throw pretty great parties back in the day.”

“That was mostly Harry,” I admitted. “I was too busy studying for my exams most of the time‍. All I would do was make sure there was a enough booze and food for everyone.”

“Don’t you listen to her Rosemary,” Harry was quick to dismiss. “She was a vital part of the team. Was always there ready to play an impromptu game of drunk twister and always made sure nobody felt left out.”

“Oh there they are. Took you two long enough to get here.” Jack said in a smarmy tone, all to arrogant for his own good. Gemma slapped his chest with the back of her hand. If Jack was gonna play this game with me, I was gonna play and beat him at his own game too. 

“Oi, pipe down pet. It’s not like we’ve done everything else for this bleeding wedding.” 

Rosemary looked warily between the two of us, I sure if we were being serious or not. 

“Ignore him.” Gemma grinned over at Rosemary. Harry just threw a warning look my way, as if he were saying ‘just shut your face for once, would ya?’ through the smallest movement of his eyebrow. “He gets a bit cocky when he hasn’t been fed.”

“Well, I say we get into it.” Harry clapped his hands. “You tell us how you want things set up,” he looked towards Gemma and Jack before aiming his attention at Rosemary. “And you can let us know if that’s okay or not to do on the property,” Then his neck snapped my way. “And Dig and I can sort the rest.”

For the next three hours, Gemma and Jack explained how they wanted their ceremony area and reception area set up, while Rosemary sat at the table with Harry watching the decorators do their thing. By the end of the afternoon, Rosemary was besotted with Harry and couldn’t stop gushing to her husband how sweet Harry was. 

It looked absolutely beautiful. 

Baby pink satin curtains draped against a frame that stood on a platform at the end of the aisle. Fairy lights glimmered in the tree’s and bundles of pink and white roses bloomed all over the show. What had impressed me the most was the smiles that just seemed to keep on growing on my brother and his fiancé’s faces. 

“Uh, Indigo?” I turned around to see Rosemary who looked unsure about what she was going to say next. “There’s, uh… Emily’s come to see you? She’s quite adamant on seeing you, uh… now?”

My heart dropped in a instant. I could feel my skin turn pale and my breath held still in my chest. I was in shock. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of how she knew where I was. 

“Hey, hey, hey…” Jack stood in front of me, his hands rubbing the sides of my arms to shake me out of the shock I was in. “What’s going on Prinny? You look sick. Is your hangover finally kicking in?”

I wanted to speak… No actually, I wanted to scream; but I couldn’t. I just wanted to be left alone for one goddamn minute to grasp what was happening.

“A girl’s turned up here to see Indigo. Her name’s Emily.” Rosemary patted my back comfortingly as Jack’s green eyes bulged out in disbelief. 

“Fuck.” He mumbled. “Do you want me to go get rid of her? Because I will. You know I will.”

“No.” I managed to shake my head and took a step back. I needed space for my own well-being. “I–I just wasn’t expecting her.”

“Well do you want me to go with you then? We’ll go tell her to bugger off together.”

“N–no thanks.” I shook my head before turning around to Rosemary. “I’m so sorry if she’s given you any trouble. I’ll make sure she goes home.”

She nodded at me with a sympathetic smile. “She’s in the front entrance. Good luck.”

I could hear her before I could see her. She was pacing up and down the entrance her normally pristine hair was messily thrown up into a bun. She looked like she hadn’t even changed clothes in the last couple of days. It was more scary than it was worrisome. 

“Emily what are you doing here?” 

She stopped in her tracks, her piercing eyes going right through me. “You need to come with me now.”

“I can’t Emily.” My voice wobbled. “I’m busy.”

“Yeah, with that fucking prick from One Direction.” Emily spat venomously. “It’s fucking everywhere Indi. Harry Styles back with his former childhood sweetheart. Do you know how stupid that makes me look?”

“What about how stupid I looked when you cheated on me, huh?” I cried so loudly, it echoed within the entrance. “Do you ever think about how awful I felt when I caught my girlfriend of two years in our bed being eaten out by your co-worker?” 

“I only did it because you stopped loving me!”

“That is such bullshit Em.” I angrily wiped the tears rolling down my flushed cheeks. “The worst thing about all of this is that I still fucking love you, even after everything you’ve put me through. I still fucking love you.”

“Well if you loved me, you would have never kicked me out of my home. You would have stayed in London and sort things out with me. We would still be together.”

“No we wouldn’t.” I spoke honestly. “You know, Harry never did anything wrong while we were together. Sure, his job sucked at times but he always made me feel loved. And I still ran away from him because my parents had fucked up the idea of marriage for me. All your cheating did was bring everything to light, Em. You never loved me the way I loved you and I’ve realised that it’s not enough.”

“Do you know how hard I’ve fucking tried over the last two years Indigo? Because let me tell you, it’s fucking tough when your girlfriend is still in love with her ex-boyfriend.”

“I’m not in love with Harry!” I sobbed. “I’m not.”

“You are though. You’ve never fully let him go and all you’ve done is run back into his arms. Forget me though, I’ll just act like everything you’re doing is fine.”

“For fuck sakes Emily!” I shouted, a lie bubbling up in my stomach. “All he’s done is help me with this near-on soul destroying wedding! He’s not even being that great about it. If it weren’t for the fact that my brother and his sister were getting married, I would have absolutely nowt to do with him.”

I could see the rage in her that had built up so much, it was about to overflow. 

“You need to go, Emily.”

Harry stood leaning against the hallway wall, a mixture of sadness and anger showing on his face. Emily scoffed as she spotted Harry a few metres away from us.

“Well here’s the big man himself! Suppose you’ve been trying everything in your power to woo our little princess here. Not that hard of a job to win her over is it?”

“If you don’t leave, I’ll get my security to escort you off the property and you’ll be given a restraining order.”

“You know what?” Emily paced back and forth for a bit, quietly laughing to herself. “Fuck you both. You two fucking horrible people deserve each other.”

Just like that, she was gone… and Harry wasn’t far behind her.

“Harry!” I ran up behind him as best as I could in my heels, yanking on his bicep to pull Harry back. “Could you just stop for a second?”

“Why should I Dig? All you’ve done this whole time is second guess me! I want the best for our siblings too! I want to do the best I can possibly do for their wedding! I don’t know what I have done for you to not trust me!” Harry puffed, his cheeks instantly flushing red as tears built up in his eyes. 

“Actually, fuck that. I proposed to you Dig! I proposed to you and you ran away and it was the last I saw of you. For the last two years I’ve tried to understand what I did wrong; what I possibly could have done to stop you from leaving me. All for you to not be loved like you should have been loved since. That fucking breaks my heart Indigo, it fucking does. We could have never felt this pain if you had just let me love you.”

“Harry, I–“

“Ever since I saw you sitting out on Mum’s balcony with a fucking e-cigarette in your hand, you’re all I’ve wanted since. But I’m never going to be good enough, am I Dig?”

I wish you knew Harry. I wish you knew that you were too good for me… too good for this earth in this lifetime anyways. It was never about you not being good enough for me. It was about me not being good enough for you. 

In this lifetime I’ll always love you but will never be good enough to match what you deserve. 

I wish you knew. 

viii. let’s have a wedding. 

“Get up.” My body shook from the sharp jolt that moved my mattress.

I lifted my hand in the air, middle finger flying high and proud as I squished my face as far into the pillow as I could. “Fuck off Jackson.” 

“Seriously Prinny. Get the fuck up.”

“I don’t want to deal with you right now.” I seethed, glaring at Jack with as much hatred as could muster this early in the morning. “Fuck off and get ready for your wedding.”

“I want to!” Jack exasperated. “But I can’t when both me and the woman I’m about to marry are worrying about our siblings.”

“Stop worrying and let me go back to sleep. There – problem solved.”

“Indigo.” Jack sat on the edge of my bed, tucking my hair behind my ear. “He loves you.”

No he didn’t. He didn’t know what type of person I had turned into. If Emily couldn’t love me, Harry certainly couldn’t. If anything, my worst fear had come true. I was unlovable. There was no need for Harry to take one for the team and brainwash himself into thinking he loves me.

“It’s been two, nearly three years since he proposed Jack.” I croaked, tears heavy on my eyes and my throat tightening to where it was becoming hard to breathe. “I’m a horrible person. He doesn’t love me. He loves this made up version of me that he’s had in his head since.”

“He loves you Indi, he told you that yesterday. You just don’t love yourself… or you don’t love love.” He argued. 

“Trust me, I know our parents fucked up our idea of love but in all honesty, it was you and Harry that changed that for me. Not Gemma, you and Harry. I knew that it was the whole marriage idea that triggers you but I thought if you could happily accept the amount of love Harry had for you by opening your heart up, I could do the same. And in a few hours time, I’m going to marry the love of my life, and it’s going to be great.”

The clock read 8.43am, which meant I had only stopped crying four hours ago. Of course Jack had to go set me off with the sweetest of arguments I’ve ever had with my brother.

“I just want you to have the best love you could possibly get and give and I really think Harry is your shot at that. But you need to fight for him Indz, because I think he’s lost all hope and from what I can see, you’ve got a little bit left in ya.”

And like the annoying brother he was, Jack was right. I did have a little bit of hope left for Harry and I. 

“Right, okay.” I flung the sheets off me, wiping the ugly tears that were drying on my rosy cheeks. “Move out of my way. Got to tell someone I love him.”

Jack grinned, throwing his keys on my lap. “See you in a couple of hours then.”

I wish I had more time to think, but it only took me three minutes to drive to Harry’s parents house. I wanted more time to think of how to say sorry; to apologise for disappearing after he got down on one knee in our living room and asked me to marry him; to think of all the ways I could show Harry how much I loved him; and most importantly, to talk myself out of doing this because deep down, I was still so unsure about me chasing after him. All of my insecurities were still there but so was Harry… for the meantime.

Gemma gave me a knowing look as she let me into her Mum’s house, whispering a quick good luck in my ear as she let me go from our hug. Ny heart pounded so loudly in my chest with every step I took up the stairs, leading myself to Harry’s bedroom. 

My hand anxiously wavered by before it knocked three times again the wooden door. I could hear the graspiness in his voice the moment he mumbled ‘come in’. 

My hand turned the golden knob and I visibly cringed as the door freaked while I opened it. But as soon as I saw him, leaning up on his elbows over at me, still half asleep not knowing who was at the door, tears fell heavy on my eyes. 

“Hey…” I choked out, all the words I wanted to say the moment I saw him vanished in a second.

“Hi.”

Rather than the scowl I was expecting to see on his face, Harry smiled and all it did was make me break down in tears. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Come on now. Come get into bed.” Harry hushed from his bed, lifting up the covers and invited me in. It was safe to say I near on ran getting into his warm bed. 

“I’m so sorry H. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I never–“

Harry shushed me gently, his lips peppering kisses on my forehead. His arm instantly wrapped around my waist, pulling my body right against his side, the shell of my ear right above his racing heart. 

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve never made you feel guilty for not accepting my proposal.” Harry whispered so carefully.

“I should have never run away from you in the first place.” I shook my head. “I should have stayed and told you how afraid I was of turning out like my parents. Instead I hurt you and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that.”

“I think there is a should have and shouldn’t haves in our past babe,” Harry sighed. “The question we have now is do we see a future together…”

Before I could get my answer in, Harry carried on. “Because if I’m being 100% honest here, I’m in. With or without marriage, I want to spend this lifetime with you.”

Sniffling hard, I threw myself on top of his body, attacking his body in the biggest hug of love I could give. 

“I love you. Fuck, I’m so fucking in love with you. I’ve never stopped, I never will.” I muttered on like a mad person in the crook of his neck. Tears continued to roll down my cheek and onto his warm skin. 

“Love you too, Dig. So much.” 

***

“Could I get everybody’s attention please?” Jack's voice boomed over the group of people that had gathered in the backyard. Gemma stood proudly by his side, her smile beaming as she looked up at the man she was about to marry. 

Harry and I sat off to a table on the right of the aisle, bunched up together like two peas in a pod. Our fingers were intertwined, resting on Harry’s thigh under the table. Thankfully, the tablecloth covered out hands so not even our mothers could use that as an excuse to pry in our newly founded relationship. My head rested on his shoulder, partly due from the lack of sleep I had the night before, but mostly due to how exhausted planning this wedding had made me. 

Anne has burst into Harry’s bedroom earlier this morning, just like when we were kids. While we may of been sleeping for ten minutes at most after reconciling, she told us to both get out of bed and join her and Gemma for breakfast. She had made pancakes, and made me my own special blueberry pancakes. 

Things would have been great if Harry didn’t insist on eating my pancakes. We were thirty minutes into our new future that we couldn’t wait to see what would come from it, and we were already arguing. For the first time in a very long time, I felt happy and that in itself was an overwhelming emotion. 

“We want to thank you for turning up today. It means a lot to Gemma and I that you all could make it. But there’s two people we really want to thank from the very bottom of our heart.” Jack looked over at Harry and I from the platform. 

“As you know, my brother Harry and Jack’s sister Indigo have spent the last couple of months planning this engagement party for us. Haven’t they done such a wonderful job?” Gemma said, her grin never leaving her face. A applause broke out from the crowd in front of them. 

“If you didn’t know, they used to date! And like the annoying siblings they are, they would make Jack and I hang out with them all the time. It was like being an awkward double date.” She laughed, before turning her attention back onto Jack. “But little did we know what would come our way and what we would turn into. So in saying that, we have a bit of a surprise for you all.”

Gemma quickly ran off stage and pulled another lady up onto the stage with her. 

“This is Diana. She’s a marriage celebrant.”

A gasp came over the guests, while Harry and I chuckled between each other. 

“And since we thought Harry and Indi have done such a great job and all of the people we love and cherish are here, we thought why not just get married now!” 

Both of our Mum’s looked between in each other in shock, tears forming heavily in their eyes. Dad threw his head back, boisterously laughing his head off, pointing at us as we sheepishly grinned like we hadn’t known this was the plan all along. 

“You knew, didn’t ya! Ya little fucking shits.” 

Diana stood in between Jack and Gem, harping on all things love and how the very act of love made the world go round and more specifically, how it came to bring them two together. I didn’t expect Jack to be as emotional as he was. His voice quivered on almost every third word when he was saying his vows, sneaky tears being hastily wiped away by this big stocky fella who I hadn’t seen cry in almost twenty years. As for Gemma, well – you couldn’t get the smile off her face if you tried. 

“...I now announce you as husband and wife. Now snog each other, will ya?”

A surge of pride filled my chest as I watched my brother and new sister-in-law whisper ‘I love you’ to each other before kissing each other. Jack had said earlier that there was hope in seeing love. Now I knew what he had meant, and it pained me to say but my big ol’ brother was right. 

I turned my face towards Harry, resting my chin on his shoulder as I looked up into those lovely eyes I had been in love with since I was fifteen. 

“I love you.” I whispered, the most smug of smiles gracing Harry’s face.

“I love you too.”

ix. epilogue 

Harry thought to himself he had never been so thankful to see a door before. The moment he walked out, all he wanted to do was walk back in and stay there for as long as he could.

But Indigo was sick of hospital food. All she wanted was some baked ziti from the little Italian restaurant down the road and given the last twenty four hours she had been through, Harry would do anything for his love. That however meant Harry had to drive across town to get it, and while he was near home, he might as well pick up the gift he forgot and left at home. 

Harry quietly crept into the hospital room, trying his best not to drop the food his girlfriend desperately wanted, or all of the other stuff he had brought from their home. Despite the curtains were drawn shut, the sunset managed to peek through, setting the room into a nice auburn red that wasn’t too harsh on his eyes. 

“Hey.” Harry whispered, a moment of relief falling over him when he saw Indigo sitting upright, her hair tied up messily on the top of her head, happily gazing down at the little bub that had only entered the world just a few hours ago. 

Indigo looked away from their little angel, her smile turning into a grin when she saw Harry standing there with a paper bag of food and about three stuffed toys in his hand. 

“Hi. How was the traffic?”

“It was fine.” Harry walked over and placed the toys at the side of the hospital bed, the food put on the bedside cabinet, and a kiss promptly placed on Indigo’s lips. “How’s our girl doing?”

“Well she’s been a hungry little bugger for the last ten minutes, haven’t you sweet girl?” Indigo turned her attention back down to her little bubba, currently latched on and eating to her heart’s content. “But she’s been a good girl nonetheless. The nurse and I were really impressed at how well she latched on this time.”

“Not sure where she gets being good from. It certainly isn’t from you or me.” Harry snided, his wit still coming through despite most of his attention was on this little girl of theirs. He went to pat the apple of her cheek ever so gently with the knuckle of his finger but she was to quick for him, her tiny hand wrapping around his finger. Harry’s heart hadn’t melted quicker than it did in that moment.

“The nurse wants you to do some more skin-to-skin tonight too.” Indigo smiled at her little girl’s hand wrapping around her daddy’s finger. “She said it may help her settle a bit better when we put her down for a sleep, rather than nursing her to sleep all the time.”

“Count me in.” Harry beamed. “I’d do anything for you, little girl.”

Indigo’s free hand lifted up to Harry’s cheek, feeling the scratchy stubble on her palm. Admiration filled Indigo’s heart to the brim when it came to Harry’s love for anything, but it had been amplified when they had found out about their little bub growing in Indigo’s tummy, and then so much more when she finally decided to enter the world. In all honesty, Indigo thought she had peaked. There was absolutely no way she could be any happier than she was in this very moment. 

“Sweet girl wrote you a card while you were gone.”

“Did she now?” Harry’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “You know, we’ve got to give her a name at some point.”

“It’ll come in good time. Just can’t decide if she’s a Grace or a Georgia.” Indigo shrugged her shoulders, dropping her hand from his face, and back down to their baby. Her little bub looked content and full, so Indigo broke her suction and quickly replaced her nipple with the knuckle of her finger in between the baby’s gums. “Her card’s just up on the cabinet if you want to read it.”

Harry didn’t want his sweet girl to let go of his finger but he slid his finger out unwillingly. His curiosity got the better of him, wanting to know what his daughter (and Indigo) wanted to say to him. 

He picked up the baby pink envelope, flicked his finger under the paper and pulled out a card that read ‘To the Best Daddy in the world!’ on the front. His thumb pulled the card open, and with his heart beating ever so loudly, Harry began to read.

To Daddy. 

Aren’t you happy I’m out of the womb now? Now we can chat and have kisses at what ever ridiculous time of night without waking Mummy up! I’m so glad that I get to be your’s and Mummy’s sweet girl forever now.

While I’ve been growing in her tummy, me and Mummy have been having some serious talks about our future - just stuff like not being fussy with food and going to bed properly the first time. I said to her I couldn’t promise that but I did say I would help her ask something. 

Mummy said she loves you very much and has loved you the moment you gave her a pink rose outside of Scoundrels when she was 15. She said you tried to do this once before, but she got really scared and ran away. She hopes you’ve forgiven her for it, she never meant to hurt you. All she wants is to give you as much love as she can. What she’s trying to ask is if you’ll marry her… but she thinks it’d be much cuter if I asked - so here it goes. 

WILL YOU MARRY MY MUMMY? xo

By the time Harry looked up from the card, Indigo held open a ring box, that hand the most stunning carvings within the black coated ring. 

“So what do you say?” Indigo said with a nervous smile on her face; their sweet baby angel cooing in her arms. 

“Will you marry me?”

[yasminsqueendom]

Antique the Vamp Geek Pt1 Ep1

CWs: Blood, Sex mention, vampirism (obvs)

A/N: All this content is original fresh out of my sad little brain. It follow Antique, a baby vamp who manages to get on a local radio station just to shoot the shit about her fucked up life. This takes place shortly after the revelation of the existence of Vamps. She is nervous af in this first episode. There are a total of 14 eps in Pt 1. Please be kind to me about it!

W/C: 671 (very short intro)

Hey guys! I'm 'Tique. Short for Antique. No it doesn't mean anything special; my mom just liked the way it sounded when she heard it. Anyways, I'm a vampire, or as the government officially named my kind: “Sentient non living specimen.” Yes, it’s dehumanizing, but for obvious reasons I can't exactly claim humanity. Yes, I have fangs. Yes, my heart beats (extreeeeemely slowly). Yes, I sleep. Yes, the sun has a negative effect on my skin, but I heal quickly so short spurts in sunlight don't bother me much (more on that later). Yes, I'm a college student. And yes, I drink blood. It tastes great.

Moving on, I have a “bae”....friend…...person? I don’t know. We don’t call ourselves anything. Anyway, I can't kiss them (contagious saliva and all that). We bang like rabbits tho, but we always use contraception (because...you know….I’m contagious). TMI?

Oh yeah, I'm going too fast. 

Vampires are everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Working day jobs and night jobs and fucking shit up and fixing shit up. Have been doing so in secret FOREVER...But somebody couldn't keep their fucking mouth shut in the age of social media and now everybody is in our shit.

I'm still going too fast. Oh, well. Keep up.

Vampires are created, and on rare occasions born. For the vast majority of us, we contracted that shit from sharing drugs or fucking or sharing other shit unwittingly. Not everyone gets it. Some people just get real sick and get better. Some just get sick and die. Some become “sentient non living specimens.” No matter the result, that shit is mad painful. 

My dumbass caught it out clubbing and drinking and kissing random niggas. I don't know exactly who I got it from. I mean I can guess because one nigga in particular was…..special. But honestly, it could have been anyone. Still though, I don’t remember everything I did that night. But enough about that. I'm here now and this shit is...not as great now as it was when I could move more comfortably in the world. 

Now, I gotta keep everything quiet af or I could lose it all. There's no laws that say becoming a vampire can't cancel out all scholarships and gov't assistance you receive. I am, after all, a “sentient non living specimen.” The gov't hasn't even begun to figure out how to fully classify us yet. Shit is fucked up, but the world turns, I guess.

Anyways, I have my own place kinda. I mean I have two roommates and they're cool, but one of them is a bit...um...overzealous about her beliefs and for survival sake I've kept my mouth shut about my condition. I'm rarely home so there's little need for confrontation. 

The other one….well….we fuck around occasionally, but that’s TMI again. 

So ummm. Assuming you've been listening this long, you may have wondered about my family. Well, they fucking hate vamps. I mean donated to coalitions that hunt and kill vamps kind of hate. They think the reason I don't come around is because my “millennial sjw morals” have clouded my judgment. 

*sigh*

I have nightmares about waking up to find my father standing over me with his rifle……

But yeah, what they don’t know won’t hurt me right? Haha.

I do have younger siblings. They are sweet little angels with devilish tendencies when mom and dad aren’t looking. They are close in age, but I’m several years older than them. They’re close, but I’m not close with them. Anyway, that’s enough about that.

So yeah. I've only been living with this condition for about a year now and I don't really know a lot about it outside of internet blogs. I'll update my baby vamp followers as I get info. 

Obviously, for safety reasons, there are things about me that I can’t say on broadcast. So, if this thing takes off….well, we’ll see. 

Alright, that’s all I’ve got for today.

Stay strong suckies! 

Love ‘Tique

[1dffexchange]

(for you) i will try

To: Rory @verorax

From: Vicki @angstarella

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of cheating

Summary: a short story where ex’s are ex’s for a reason, weddings are near-on soul destroying and Harry and Indigo together are just a massive cause for disaster.

Authors Note: strap yourselves in ladies and gents bc she’s an angsty one! it’s been a real pleasure writing this prompt for you rory. i got a bit carried away with this but i hope you enjoy it as much as i loved writing it. ALSO thank you to Emma @ninetyfovr for the amazing banner xx

i. let’s have a (surprise) wedding

It wasn’t the fact that social gatherings bothered me that put me off being here. It was the fact that it was the first time six years I had been back home. The whole village of Holmes Chapel seemed to be here in Mr and Mrs Twist’s house and all they wanted to know was when I would move back and settle down with a man and have kids with him. It was miserable enough to have those expectations put on you by your own parents, let alone the whole village.

It’s also something nice to hear when you’ve just been dumped by your girlfriend (...well, ex-girlfriend, I suppose) two days ago.

I craved nothing more than to rifle through my bag and pull out a pack of Malboro Gold, light up and inhale the ever-calming smoke that put my anxiety to ease. The e-cigarette I bought twenty minutes before leaving London would have to do. There was no way I was going to give my mother another reason to be on my case. Being a bisexual millennial was enough to make my mother to sprout grey hairs. I didn’t need to add being a closeted smoker to her stress list. The best I could do was a flimsy version of a healthy cigarette to keep my nicotine addiction at bay.

The fiery orange skyline settled down into it’s dark violet dusk as I sneaked out to the veranda overlooking the back garden; trying my best to get a moment's peace from the party inside. Strawberry vapour filled my lungs as I dragged from the sleek black pen, wishing nothing more than to smoke whatever the hell I wanted back at my apartment in London.

“I see you still haven’t quit smoking.”

My body tensed as I felt his presence saunter closer. His sweet yet spicy smell seemed to overtake the lasting lingers of vapour. It was infuriating how it hadn’t changed since the last time I had seen him; almost like he wore it purposely just to piss me off.

“Mind you,” He finally stopped by my side as I ignored him, looking out as far as I could see. “I suppose this is the healthier alternative.”

Rather than the sickly sweet vapour that had filled my lungs just moments before, annoyance replenished every fibre in my body. It was only something that he could do and he absolutely knew it. He was the only person in this entire universe that could flick this switch inside of me and he had great pleasure in doing so whenever he could get the chance.

“Harry Styles. What a surprise.”

“Really?” Harry chuckled as he turned, leaning against the wooden rail of the veranda and staring at no other than me. “You’re surprised to see me at my Mum’s house, at my sister’s birthday party.”

My silence spoke volumes.

“If anything, it should me surprised to see you here. It’s been like, what – four years since you’ve been back here in Holmes Ch–”

“I didn't realise you kept count of my comings and goings Harry.”

My eyes finally met his. Since the last time I had seen them in person three years ago, they had only grown into a richer forest green which knocked the wind out of me. His hair still held those chocolate curls that I ran my fingers through so many times before, it was impossible to keep count. I felt sick that these memories flashed back into my body in such a quick moment. Anxiety pulsated through my veins to the point where my fingertips were on fire.

“Indigo Palmer,” Harry’s eyebrow arched upwards in smugness. “There’s no way I can’t help but keep my eyes on you and wherever you go.”

“Ugh, Harry!” I groaned. “You can’t just say that to me. Not anymore.”

Harry’s eyes dropped mine own, slipping down to where his scuffed up boots crossed together. “You’re right.” His lips rolled inwards for a second, his shoulder jerking slightly. “Sorry.”

The noise of Gemma’s party quietly bounded outside of Harry’s parents house, all while the back veranda offered us the mere silence of our breathing. It was something we had done many times before. Through all of these years that we had known each other, we could talk endlessly about everything and on the other hand, say nothing and appreciate what we had and what we had around us. Now, everything about him hurt me.

“So where is Emily? I thought she would of been here.” Harry lifted his hand to scratch at the nape of his neck, a nervous tick he had ever since we were children. My throat instantly tightened as soon as I heard her name leave his lips. It was two parts of my world that I did not want to mix ever again.

“W–we, uh… She…” My voice fumbled, trying to grasp at any sentence that would make what trying trying to say sound the tiniest bit better.

“We’re not together anymore.”

“Oh,” Silence thumped in my ear drums. I watched as Harry’s eyebrows furrowed down, frown lines denting his smooth olive skin.

“Sorry to hear that. What happened?”

As hard as I fought, my eyes found themselves rolling at his ridiculous question. Who the hell did he think he was? My therapist? But as soon as Harry saw them roll, his eyes seemed to follow my lead and rolled back while he shook his head.

“Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s gone on but it looks like you need to talk to someone.” Harry shrugged.

“And that someone should be you? Just like old times then, yeah?” I scoffed maliciously.

The wind rustled against the leaves as Harry thought for a second or two, before shrugging his shoulders once more.

“Well, yeah. Why not talk to me? You always used to talk to me.”

Inhaling deeply, I looked him once more dead in the eye. I hated doing that because all I saw was trust and love every time I lost myself in those eyes of his. That’s why I hadn’t looked him in the eye the last time I saw him and it was all it took for me to break down.

“S–she, uh… She thought I spent too much time at work and focusing on being an associate at the firm I’m currently at. Apparently that qualifies her to… cheat on me I suppose.”

“Fuck,” Harry whispered so quietly, I almost never heard him. “That’s so shit, Dig. I’m really sorry she did that to you.”

Tears welled in my eyes while guilt instantly poured in my lungs. I had felt this three years ago but it still felt fresh – a old wound reopened. I suppose I deserved it. I finally got my karma. I looked up to the sky where the stars were beginning to peak from the night sky, blinking as hard as I could to get rid of them.

“Y–yeah, it only happened a few days ago.” I sniffed. “So if you can like– not tell anyone? That would be great. Mum’s already on my case and I just don’t have the energy to deal with this situation, let alone have her meddle in it.”

Harry’s head nodded profusely. “Yep, sure. You got it. No problem at all. In fact, consider this–”

Before Harry could continue his rambunctious rambling, the door behind me creaked open. Instantly turning around, I watched as Jack and Gemma stumbled out of the house giddily; not realising that their younger siblings were also catching a moments peace on the back veranda until Harry coughed aloud.

“Oh! Here’s where you two have been hiding.” Gemma clapped her hands together. “We’ve been looking for you.”

Turning around, I leaned against the rail beside Harry trying my hardest to discreetly slip my hand that held the e-cigarette behind his back. Thankfully Harry had caught on and shuffled forward slightly so I could do so.

“Well, you found us!” The weight of Harry’s arm suddenly dropped onto my shoulders, pulling me closer into his side. “What’s going on?”

Jack pulled one of the chairs that sat by the back door, scraping its legs against the outdoor tile before plonking his arse in it.

“Need to talk to ya about the wedding.” Jack drunkenly mumbled as he pulled a giggly Gemma down to sit in his lap.

“What wedding?”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I looked at Harry to see if he knew what in the world my brother was talking about but he looked just as confused as I did.

“Our wedding.” Jack shrugged, wrapping his arms around Gemma’s waist. “Mine and Gem’s. You’d both know that if you were inside five minutes ago.”

With a wide grin, Gemma held out her hand that had a small but sparkly diamond on her ring finger that shimmered despite the lack of light. “Isn’t it pretty?”

“It’s gorgeous Gem.” A shocked smile grew on my face.

I hated how miserable I felt. I should have been ecstatic that my brother and his long-time girlfriend were finally getting married. I put on a mask and played my part despite feeling like I was rotting from the inside out.

“Congratulations you two.”

“Yeah, Congrats.” Harry beamed, shaking Jack’s hand before leaning over and kissing Gemma’s cheek. ��It’s about bloody time!”

“Yeah, yeah. We’re getting there.” Jack grinned. “Anyways, we came to talk to you about the wedding.”

“We want to have a surprise wedding!” Gemma jumped in, her grin reaching from ear to ear.

“Uh,” my eyebrows furrowed. “I’m a bit confused. How do you expect to have a surprise wedding when you’ve just told everyone in that house you’re getting married?”

“Well, that’s kinda where you two come in.” Gemma began to explain. “We’re wanting to throw a party in a month’s time and while everyone else will be thinking it’s an engagement party, we will surprise them with it being the actual wedding ceremony!”

Before Harry and I could object (or say anything really), Jack piped up. “What Gem’s trying to ask is if you’ll plan our wedding for us.”

‘We’ll pay you for your time and effort!” Gemma assured us. “It’s just, some of the best times we’ve had with each other have been at some of those parties you used to throw back when you two were together.”

“And honestly, if it weren’t for the two of you, Gem and I probably wouldn’t be together. There’s no one else that we trust more than you two to do this.” Jack shrugged as Gemma looked at us with hope beaming from her eyes, making me feel worse by the second.

I took one look at Harry who looked just as unsure as I felt but I knew him. I knew he would do anything for them and while I would have like to say I would too, I wasn’t entirely sure I could.

Harry looked down for a second before looking at me, searching for an answer I wasn’t sure I could give. As soon as the corner of his mouth pulled up, revealing a small smile that would be a true smile truly for the first time in 48 hours, I knew what his answer would be… what our answer will be.

“Sure. We’ll plan your wedding.

ii. let’s get a game plan together

It was a rare occasion for the sun to be out in London, so it was fair to say that I was making the most of it. Actually, a lot of people were. I sipped at my coffee as I sat outside of the nearly full café, watching people bustle by. My legs rarely felt the instant warmth of the sun and god was I loving it. It would have been great, if Harry Styles actually was on time for once.

After learning about Jack and Gemma’s plans for their wedding which they were basically leaving Harry and I in control of, Harry and I had made a plan to meet a week later and get this underway. We only had a month to make this miracle happen for our siblings after all.

Despite the street being filled with people, I instantly spotted Harry’s chocolate curls bounding towards me. If it wasn’t for the tiny blonde child in his arms, I swear I could have murdered Harry on the spot.

“You’re late.”

“Really?” Harry exasperated sarcastically. He somehow pulled the chair out from underneath the table with his foot, all while shooting me a very unimpressed look. “Nothing about the kid in my arms isn’t giving you any clue as to why I might be late?”

“Nope.” I shrugged. “Absolutely none.”

The small girl giggled as Harry lowered her into the seat across from me, his nose instantly following the noise.

“Alright, enough out of you cheeky-monkey.” His palm flattened her wispy strays of blonde hair “What would you like to eat, huh?” She bit down lightly on her bottom lip, her wee eyebrows furrowing as she grew deep in thought.

“A muffin please.”

“A muffin? A fruity one?”

“Yes, A muffin. I’ll pass on the fruity though.” The blonde girl nodded decidedly. “Chocolate will do.”

That sentence alone caused Harry to belt out a full-bodied laugh, to the point where his head tilted back, eyes shut closed with little crow's feet rippling on the outer sides and his palm grasping at his protruding belly. If people weren’t looking at Harry Styles before, they certainly were now.

As Harry got over his laughing fit, wiping away the few stray tears that had rolled down his cheeks, he looked down once more at the girl.

“You be good for Dig, okay? I’ll be back in a few.”

The curve of her ponytail bounced as she nodded profusely before Harry made his way into the cafè, ignoring all of the stunned looks others were giving him. I could only shake my head at him, trying my hardest to hold back the scowl that was threatening to appear. If it wasn’t for the kid staring wide eyed at me, I might have just let it appear.

“So who might you be?” The little blonde thing grinned at me, two of her upper teeth and one on the bottom clearly missing from her smile.

“I’m Lux!”

“Oh.” I hadn’t been expecting that.

The last time I had seen Lux, she had only just been a baby; Fast on her feet and hiding away from Harry and I any chance she got. The only reason the memory had stuck with me for this long was because Harry and I had literally lost her in the house for a solid hour and a half.

It was one of the most frightening moments of my life. Here Harry and I were, naïve adults who thought they could look after a baby for the night and we literally lost a child that was under our care. Thank god she hadn’t been taken or had let herself outside! She probably had been laughing at us the whole time as she hid behind the bookshelf in the living room.

“We’ve actually met before.”

“We have?” Lux gasped.

I nodded before taking another sip of my coffee. “You were just a baby the last time I saw you.”

“That’s cool!” She threw me another grin. “Are you Uncle Harry’s friend?”

My lips pursed into a small frown as my eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched up in thought.

“Uh… kind of?”

“Oh.” Lux looked down at her lap before snapping back up towards me. “So is your name really Dig?”

“Excuse me?” I frowned once more in confusion.

“Is your name Dig? Because that’s what Uncle Harry’s been calling you today. It’s a little strange if you ask me.”

Inhaling deeply, I rolled my eyes at Harry’s idiocy. Of course he couldn’t just call me by my name properly, could he?

“No. I think that’s just Harry trying to be funny.” That comment seemed to pull another giggle from Lux.

“He’s not very funny, is he?”

“No, he isn’t.” I agreed, giggling quietly along with her. “He’s the type of person you end up laughing at because he thinks he’s hilarious.”

Lux burst out laughing, which pulled a small smile out of me. Before she could add anything else, a chocolate muffin on a porcelain plate was slid in front of Lux. Both Lux and I looked up to see Harry holding a very unimpressed look.

“Excuse me Dig but for your information, I am hilarious.” Harry placed a glass on orange juice in front of Lux before sitting in the chair next to her. “You know that.”

“You are not Harry. You are the opposite of–”

“So what’s your name then?” Lux cut in before I could finish insulting him. I was actually taken aback by it.

“Oh,” I stammered. “My name’s Indigo but most people call me Indi.” I couldn’t help but snare at Harry who just rolled his eyes at me.

“That’s a really nice name.” Lux smiled at me before she promptly turned towards Harry with a frown. “Why don’t you call her by her name? It’s pretty.”

“Because I’ve called her Dig for most of my life. I’m not going to stop now just because you say so.” Harry said as he pulled out his phone from the front pocket of his hoodie. “Now play a game on this while me and Dig sort somethings out, yeah?”

Lux happily took the iPhone out of his hand and tapped away to her heart's content.

“You got that email from Gem, yeah? The one about–”

“What they want for the wedding and what they’ve already got sorted?” I finished Harry’s sentence off, irritation slowly seeping in my veins. “Of course I did. They also asked me to help me plan their wedding, not just you Harry.”

“Woah!” Harry leaned back slightly, eyes wide open in shock. Lux wearily looked over the phone screen, her eyes flicking between Harry and I before focusing on the game she was playing. “That’s not what I meant Dig.”

I knew that wasn’t what he meant. Truly; but I couldn’t help but have my guard up around him. The situation we were in was nothing like we were in before and I couldn’t understand why he was acting like we were best friends again. He had to know I wasn’t in the best state of mind.

“That’s how it sounded.”

From one look, I knew he wanted to argue back. His lips slightly pursed in a small scowl and his nose scrunched to the left. Having knowing Harry for as I had, I instantly picked up on his tells and I could only pray for the sake of Lux and I that he just kept his mouth shut for once.

I slipped my notebook out from my handbag that sat on the only free chair at this table, flipping immediately to the pages where I already jotted a few notes and ideas down since Gemma and Jack had asked us to perform a miracle.

“I think since they’ve already emailed through their guest list, we should just get a start on a booking a venue.” Despite the frown still etched on his face, Harry nodded in agreement as a waitress placed a coffee in front of him and another cup in front of me. We both mumbled our thanks to the waitress before getting back to the subject at hand.

“We could just have it at Mum’s and Robin’s. Don’t have to book anything in advance and no one will think there will be a wedding happening if they turn up there.” Harry commented after he had taken a sip of his black coffee. “Everyone will just think it’s a generic engagement party.”

Harry’s nose twitched when I sighed aloud. “They want our parents to be surprised as well H. The moment a set-up crew and catering turn up to your parents place, they’re suddenly in on the secret.” I shrugged.

“And in my opinion, it’s probably a lot easier to book a venue that can cater for our needs and have everything all in one place than transport everything to your Mum’s and then take it all back. What do you think?” I left the ball in Harry’s court, trying my hardest to not make it seem like I was taking over as the project manager. We were doing this as a team.

Harry sat there for a few moments before nodding to himself. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. It was a right pain in the arse waiting on others to bring stuff to us and then wait for them to take it away.”

A wave of relief overcame me when he had agreed with my suggestion. This whole wedding planning business wasn’t going to be an easy ride in the park but at least I could see he was trying too.

“So where do you think we should go?” I asked Harry, ready to write down a list of venues to check out.

Harry chewed on his bottom lip as he thought, a few silent minutes passing by. “I don’t think we should go with venues like Crewe Hall or Colshaw Hall. Seems a bit obvious to have a surprise wedding somewhere like that innit’?”

“Yeah,” I nodded in agreement. “You’re right.”

“What about somewhere like Oak Tree of Peover? I went to Jamie-lee’s wedding there last August and it’s was pretty but not like – overwhelming y’know? It was very low-key.” Harry suggested as he stole a bit off of Lux’s barely touched muffin.

“That’s a really good idea, H…” I said, quickly noting down The Oak Tree of Peover as a venue option.

From memory, I remember it being a lovely venue for a wedding. The Oak-framed barn made it one of the most gorgeous treasures that Cheshire had to offer, overlooking the picturesque countryside that captured our little hometown perfectly. Ideas began popping off in my head, immediately spurring more venues around Holmes Chapel.

“We should probably go do some research on more venues and shortlist the ones we like.” I suggested as I finished writing down the last venue idea I had. Harry nodded before taking a sip of his coffee. “And maybe go to HC next weekend and check out the venues we shortlist?”

“Cool,” I picked up my phone, immediately opening the trainline app to book a ticket back home. “Do you want me to book you a train ticket?”

“Uh, no thank you.” Harry shook his head. “I was thinking you and I could carpool up there. Y’know, since we're both going to the same place to do the same thing.”

“I suppose that make sense. Ooooh! We can go to Dad’s and do the invitations to.” The pen dropped loudly onto my notebook, causing Lux to look up from Harry’s phone. “He’ll have everything we need to do it!”

“Can’t we just get them printed like normal people?” Harry groaned. “We’re already short on time as it is?”

“What’s the point of having a Dad that owns his own art supply store? He’ll love having you around.”

“That doesn’t answer my question Dig.” Harry quipped. My shoulders dropped in disappointment. This wasn’t like him. Normally he would be all over this type of stuff. It used to be me that protested in time-wasting.

“Oh come on Harry! Dad will be thrilled! His daughter visiting him twice in the same month except with his most favourite ex of mine! He’ll love it! And he can help! Pleeeease H?”

Harry chewed on his bottom lip, deep in thought with doubt written all over his face.

“Look, I’m not budging on the handmade invitations. It’s something I want to do to make this wedding special. But if you don’t want to do that, that’s fine too. I’ll do them myself and you can research into some photographers and DJ’s maybe?” A sigh escaped from me. “Seems more down your alley anyways.”

“Okay then. Sounds good.” Harry just shrugged his shoulders, slowly annoying me. It was like he almost didn't give a shit. I mean, of course he cared about Jack and Gemma’s wedding but when it concerned me and doing my bit to help create this wedding, he just… couldn’t care. I didn’t think that it would affect me so much.

“Harry…” I pleaded. “Please work with me here. I’m trying my best.”

“I know you are.”

iii. let's (try) start the invitations

If it wasn’t the sun peaking through my half-shut curtains waking me up from my deep slumber, it was the birds that were happily chirping away in the tree outside my bedroom. Well, my childhood bedroom at my Dad’s. There was no chance of any birds chirping outside my flat in London.I ached from head to toe.

My body felt stiff as I lay in the measly king-single bed. I could only really narrow it down to a few reasons why that might of been.

I had a non-stop day in the office working on the McNealson case yesterday, trying my hardest to get everything done before focusing solely Jack and Gemma’s wedding; but I had to spend a further 3 hours and 45 minutes making awkward conversation with Harry. Also, the argument I had with Emily minutes before Harry knocked on the flat door didn’t help.

As soon as I stepped into the flat yesterday, I could tell Emily wanted to have another argument. She sat on the couch with her legs crossed at the ankle, nursing a half-empty glass of red wine with a scowl on her face. Now while we still lived together technically, we really didn’t. Since the moment I got back from Gemma’s birthday party in HC, I had avoided the flat like the plague. I hadn’t found it within myself to kick her out of my flat and I couldn’t tell you why. There was something about our relationship that made me act like I was clinging on to a drowning boat, hoping that it would keep me or rather our relationship afloat… but it was the suitcase that had finally sunk it.

“Where are you going?” Emily snided as I pulled my suitcase out of the storage cupboard in the lounge.

“Back to HC.” I mumbled quietly, my lungs concaving out of the pure pain they felt.

“Running away again yeah?” From the corner of my eye, I could see her scoff before finishing the last of her wine. “Don’t know why I’m surprised. You always run away, even to a place you haven’t been back to in six years.”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do Em.” I couldn’t help but snap back. “You’re the one who cheated on me, remember?”

“Of course I remember Indigo! You haven’t let me forget it since.” She drunkenly yelled back. “What I want to know is when you’re going to get over it!”

My jaw dropped in shock. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me the first time Indigo.” She slammed the wine glass back onto the coffee table. “When are we going to get back to normal? When are we going back to being Em and Indi?”

I shook my head despite every part of me being stunned at what she was saying. “I’m not doing this now. I’ve got to pack before Harry gets here.”

This only sparked Emily’s fury.

“Harry?!” She spat viciously. “As in Harry Styles?! Your pop star ex-boyfriend? That Harry?!”

“Jesus Christ Em.” My eyes bugged out at her outburst. “Why does that matter?”

“It matters because it’s him!” Emily nearly screamed. “He’s the only other person you’ve loved besides me, Indi! Can you honestly not see why I’m scared? You left him for me and now you’re just running back to him to spite me.”

“I am not Emily!”

“Yes you are!”

For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why Emily was nutting off at me, about Harry nonetheless. We were only carpooling. It just made sense to go there together. Besides, wasn’t she the one I caught cheating on me with another woman in our bed? Why was it all my fault?

And then there was the knock on the flat door. Now it may well could have been Mrs Dowley from across the hall, ready to give us another growling for having an argument this late at night in which I totally agreed with, I had a feeling it might have been someone else that would have fueled Emily’s anger.

It was obvious from the moment Harry knocked on the door that he had heard a decent part of our argument. I noticed his cheeks flushed red and was overall antsy about getting on the road from just his body language. Emily looked past me and just glared at him. Thankfully, I was that angry I didn’t even let him in the door. In fact, I left the empty suitcase sitting in the middle of the lounge.

“You need to be gone by the time I get back on Monday, Em.” My mouth moved before I even realised I was speaking. “You and your stuff. I want it gone. I can’t deal with this anymore.”

“I’m sorry, are you kicking me out of my own home?” Emily choked out, shock evident in the lack of breath she had. I don’t think she quite believed I’d be the one to kick her out.

“My name is on the lease. You’re the one who cheated on me. This was my home before it was ours. You’re the one who’s got to go.”

Silence was the only sound that could be heard. Tears threatened to burst over my inflamed cheeks. Harry stared on uncomfortably, trying to ignore what was happening in front of him.

“If you’re that concerned about where you should stay, may I suggest you–“

“Just stop lawyer talking me Indi! Talk to me normally! We can work this out.” Emily pleaded.

“I suggest you go to that slag whose face you were sitting on top of in our bed and ask if you can stay with her. Tell her that you ruined what was good here and now have nowhere else to go. But as far as I’m concerned, I don’t have to do anything for you anymore. I’m done. We’re done.”

Emily began to sob, tears rolling down her cheeks, begging me not to do this. As much as it hurt to see the girl that I had loved cry in front of me, the tiniest bit of relief made me feel like I could breathe again.

“Jack is staying here for a few days while I’m away. You can leave your key with him. Don’t call me.”

Before I could go back on the impulse decision I had just made, I slammed the door behind me, grabbed Harry’s wrist and began to drag him towards the elevator, mumbling a quick “Let’s go.”

I probably pressed the elevator button six or seven times in a row, my fingers shaking as angry tears rolled down my cheeks. I just needed to get out of this building as soon as possible. I just couldn’t bare being in here any longer than I needed to.

“Hey, hey, hey…”

Harry grabbed hold of my shaky hands, turning myself around to face him. His arm curled around the back of my head and suddenly my face was smothered in the confines of the crook of his neck, a place I used to consider a safety net years ago.

“Shhh, you’re okay Dig. I promise.”

It was like he knew exactly what I needed. I let out the deep breath I hadn’t realised what I had been holding. He had offered to go back into the flat and get some clothes for the weekend but I didn’t want him to face the wrath of Emily alone. Thankfully, I had left some spare clothes at Dad’s when I went up for Gemma’s birthday.

In all honesty, I was thankful that Harry had turned up when he did. I’m not sure what I would have done if he hadn't. Everything about yesterday was just as traumatic if not more than when I caught Emily with another woman. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop thinking about it; about her; about the betrayal.

A loud bang from downstairs had broken my mental reliving of yesterday. Moments later, a hushed “Fuck!” could just be heard, causing me to forget my tragedy of a life for one second and bring the first genuine smile to my face in days.

“Dad! I hope you’re making what I think you’re making!” If I knew my Dad as well as I did and from judging by all the racket coming from the kitchen, we were having his famous blueberry pancakes. Throwing the covers off, I made my way downstairs with a rumble in my stomach.

“I’ve been craving these all week! I–” I immediately choked once I saw the mop of chocolate curls scarfing down a stack of my pancakes. Harry smirked as he felt my snarl from across the room. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Prinny! That’s no way to talk to a guest.” Dad gasped in shock, taking one look over his shoulder to look Harry, whose smug expression still hadn’t left his big head. “Especially a scrawny pop star one at that.”

“Oi! I’m not scrawny!” Harry protested. “I’ve been working out… a lot!”

My eyes couldn’t help but roll backwards at the both of them. There was a time where Harry used to be afraid coming to my Dad’s house, purely because my Dad was overly protective of his only daughter and young Harry was shagging her; and now here they were. The chummiest of buddies. Unbelievable.

“Why are you here eating my pancakes?” Glaring at Harry, I took a seat next to him before snatching the fork out of his hand. “Don’t you have your own Mum to make you your own pancakes?”

“For your information Prinny,” Before I could stab the fork into the fluffy pancakes on his plate, Harry suddenly snatched the fork back. My nose twitched as I cringed at the horrible nickname leave Harry’s mouth. “My Mum’s in London for a girls weekend with Gem. That’s why Jack’s been booted to your flat. So I’ve come to eat your Dad’s pancakes instead.”

“God, I wish you two wouldn’t call me that. You know I hate it.”

“It’s a wonderful name!” Dad stated with certainty. He slid a plate of my very own pancakes in front of me, handing me a fork so I could also gain some sustenance. “I put a lot of thought into that name when you were born.”

“It’s not that hard to put Princess and Indi together Dad. Anyway, that isn’t the point. The point is that I am a 24 year old woman and I shouldn’t have to be ridiculed by that ridiculous nam–” I tried to argue but before I could continue, a fork full of pancake was rather rudely shoved into my mouth.

Harry tried to hold back his laugh but I could see his cheeks twitching. “Shut up and eat your pancakes, yeah? Your Dad and I don’t have time for this nonsense. We’ve got invitations to make and party venues to look at.”

“I’ve got to agree with young Harry here Prinny.” Dad thought to add his opinion, all for Harry to grin ear to ear. “We’ve got to get down to the art shop before ten if you don’t want to be caught with Harry by Mrs Birchingham. Who knows what rumours she’ll spread around Holmes Chapel if she catches you two in the same shop.”

“Yeah Prinny, we can’t have that.” Harry chided, getting his kicks from agreeing with my Dad and more so by annoying me. I was just glad he had changed his attitude within the week since I saw him last and oddly, it was rather nice to be sitting here at my Dad’s with his company and my favourite pancakes.

iv. let’s find a venue to party in

“So I got the photographer, videographer and DJ booking confirmation just before.” Harry said as he chewed through his burrito, barbeque sauce slowly dripping down from the corner of his mouth. My eyes rolled as I lifted my hand up to his mouth, wiping away the brown sauce that was irritating me.

“Oh,” I wiped the excess sauce onto the side of Harry’s jeans, as we walked towards the church. “Who’d you get then?”

Harry stumbled over his own feet, bumping into me slightly as he tried to correct himself. “One of Gem’s friends works for a photography company in Manchester and her colleagues is going to do the photography and videography.”

“You sure Gemma’s friend won’t find out. They’re both really adamant about people not finding out the wedding.”

“Yes, Indigo. I’m sure.” Harry’s chest rose as he deeply inhaled, letting out possibly the loudest sigh anyone on earth had heard in its entirety. “Madeleine and Seth are going to the job as freelance photographers, so the actual job doesn’t go through the company. That way Francesca won’t find out about the wedding.”

“That’s good. What about the DJ?”

Harry’s nose scrunched slightly as he thought. “Well, there’s this guy James that Nick is kind of mentoring with the whole DJ-ing thing. He actually did a really great job at Nick’s New Years party so I thought I’d ask him and he said he’s good to go for the 27th.” Harry shrugged. “And I figure since Nick is invited, he can help out if anything goes wrong.”

My neck immediately snapped towards him. “Are you expecting things to go wrong with him? Why on earth would you hire him if you think he’ll do something wrong?”

Harry’s eyes bulged out in astoundment. “Jesus Dig, I didn’t say that.”

“Yes you did!” My voice grew higher in annoyance. “You said that Nick would be there if any–”

“I said that Nick would be there to help out if anything god for bid goes wrong. It’s not a bad thing Dig. You need to calm down.” He huffed, taking another bite before storming off in front of me. I didn’t reach him until I got to the magnificent french doors that lead into the foyer, the door just slamming in my face as Harry walked through.

I walked in the moment the young blonde girl at the reception say “Oh my god! You’re Harry Styles!” You would think that by now people would be used to Harry popping his head up every now and again around Holmes Chapel, but for some reason there was always one twenty-something-year-old girl that would make the biggest deal of him being in his hometown.

I watched as his mouth instantly lifted into a smile but into one of those fake smiles to appease people from his true feelings. I could tell he felt uncomfortable all from the slightest movement of his nose twitching to the left. Years ago, he would used to tell me how he hated being recognized as Harry Styles from One Direction in his own hometown. In his head, he was just Harry; a normal chap with a not so normal job, returning home to see his family and friends. To have people make a big hullabaloo

“We’re booked under the name Palmer to view the wedding ceremony and reception areas.”

“Oh,” the young girl frowned instantly as I stood besides Harry. “Your getting married to her? I thought you were with Cami–” Her mouth couldn’t help direct at Harry with some disgust. She couldn’t have possibly known how close that reality could have come true. It hit me like a rock sinking to the dark depths of the ocean, except in my heart.

“No,” Harry coughed uncomfortably, interrupting her before she could finish off saying his last girlfriend’s name. “We’re here to plan a surprise engagement party for our friends.”

“Is Evelyn here? We were booked in with her to show us around.” I tried my hardest to redirect us to what Harry and I were actually here to achieve today.

“No sorry. She went home sick today. I can help you out today though. Follow me through here.”

She pointed her oddly creepy smile towards Harry, completely ignoring me as she opened the door behind her. “My names Charlotte, if you wanted to know.”

Charlotte showed us around the grounds and the venue which seemed to be fine. It was a little country motel that would’ve needed an entire book out just to get the venues, but the set up on the riverbank made up for that. It was one of the things that had caught my eye when Harry and I began researching venues and unbelievably, Harry and I agreed that it completed the vision Gemma and Jack wanted for their special day.

However, it was obvious that she had no care for why I was around. It was all about Mr Popstar himself. Now while she happily informed Harry that they could organise rain cover if needed for the ceremony and that they had an onsite vendors that we could use to execute our vision, the venue could not hold the number of guests that had already RSVP’d back, let alone the number of people who had been invited to the engagement party/surprise wedding and we had no availability to valet parking.

Despite the few hiccups the venue provided, we were seemingly moving towards the agreement that this would be the right place to have the wedding. We could book the out of town guests into the available accomodation and undoubtedly Jack and Gemma’s family could bunk in at our parents houses. The kitchen was more than satisfactory for any catering company to use as their facility. It was ticking most of the boxes on our checklist.

Harry and I had been standing in the corner of the ball room, discussing where the best possible place to put the DJ booth while Charlotte had briefly run off to get some more information for us when my phone had let off a message notification. Scrambling through my handbag, I finally found my phone and was met from a message from Emily.

Emily Xx:

so that’s it huh? You’re fucking him again? You fucking HATE everything about him Indi! I fucking knew you would do this Indigo! Let me remind you one of the many reasons you left him for me! Here’s another article ridiculing you for hanging around the UK’s biggest womaniser http://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/762998/harry-styles-rekindles-romance-with-childhood-sweetheart-indigo-palmer/

My throat instantly tightened as I read every word in her text, tears threatened to spill from the rims of my eyelids. My thumb shakily tapped on the link she had oh so graciously shared with me all while my anxiety heightened.

I had already read the article and was already twenty hateful tweets in when Harry noticed the tears that had escaped, most likely dragging down my non-waterproof mascara down my cheeks.

“Hey, hey Dig?” Harry hushed as he instantly stood in front of me, the pad of his thumb running underneath my eye. “What’s wrong?”

“W–we c–can’t have the wedding here.” I managed to choke out.

“What? Why?” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“B–because Charlotte or whatever her name was has b–been posting pictures of us the whole time we’ve been here.”

“No she hasn’t, has she?” I nodded sorrowfully. I said nothing more, just handing over my phone to the endless amounts of reactions that seemed to be popping off every millisecond. I couldn’t even look him in the eye. He knew how hard I took everything to heart and it was one part of his world that played part in destroying our relationship.

But somehow, I picked my head up.

My eyes flickered up with very little movement, just to gauge any indication of how he felt, despite in my bones knowing how upset he would have been. It was most likely the worst decision I had made today.

Why?

I watched how his face remained stern when he had finished reading the link, tapping the top left of the screen to return to the message thread between Emily and I; only to drop the moment he had began reading that message she had sent.

“So I’ve got the booking information here for you. A deposit will need to be paid of course. So I was thinking we–“

“I’m sorry.” Harry began warily. “We’re going to have to go somewhere else.”

“B–but, I’ve got the b–booking forms here.”

“Sorry.” Harry said bluntly. “I can’t hold a private event where staff are going to be posting pictures online before the actual event happens.”

He took hold of my hand, ever so gently and guided me back out to the entrance and carried on holding it until he had opened the passenger door of his car for me, waiting to get in.

We only could’ve been driving for two minutes in dead silence, only the noise of the tyres crackling over the loose gravel could be heard until Harry coughed uncomfortably.

“Dig, I–“

“Are we stopping for a cigarette?”

“You didn’t deserve that.”

I took a deep breath in, the oxygen filling my lungs trying it’s best to ease the anxiety flowing through my body. What my body need was a tequila shot and a hit of nicotine to stop me from going crazy.

“It’s just an article.”

“It’s not just an article.” Harry said, anger seeping through his tone. “Our trust was betrayed; especially yours.”

I couldn’t argue that.

“And I know you had your reasons for leaving me–“

“Harry–“

“But she had no right to try manipulate you with that article like that. It actually makes me sick to think she’s treated you like this for who knows how long.”

Harry swiftly pulled his car onto the side of the road. “Please Harry, just–“

“Indigo,” The calluses on his hand softly scratched at my skin as he held my chin towards him. Sympathy poured from his forest green eyes, while mine were already bloodshot from the tears I couldn’t seem to hold back. “You deserve better… actually no, you deserve the best. And what she gave you just then was certainly not it.”

Before he could go any further, I quickly unclipped my seatbelt and threw my arms around his neck, my nose hiding in that crook I would find comfort in so many years ago. His lips pursed against the shell of my ear, peppering light kisses there as his arms wrapped themselves around me.

“I just – I need you to know that and no matter what, I’ve still got your back. You’ve got to know that.”

I sniffled there for a few moments, the beating of his heart the only noise being the only thing I could hear.

“Can we have that cigarette now?”

“Yeah Dig. We can.”

v. let’s find someone to cook us some food (but I want cake)

“Jesus Dig, could you hurry up? I am starving.” Harry complained, lying on my bed staring up at the millions of fairy lights that scattered across the ceiling. I rolled my eyes at his childish antics, clipping the butterfly to the back of my earring.

“I’m literally ready. Let me just get my shoes on and then we’ll go.”

“Well it’s about time.” He leaned up on his elbows. “You told me not to eat breakfast before this. Why would you tell me that if you planned on being this late.”

“We’re actually right on time. Our appointment isn’t until 11, which is 20 minutes away.” I slid on one shoe before throwing my foot up into Harry’s lap, saving me from bending down and buckling my own shoe.

“You do know it will take us more than 20 minutes to get there.” Harry couldn’t help but snide as he slid the leather strap into the gold buckle. “You’ll be lucky if we get there in half an hour.”

“Oh calm down, would ya?” I sniped wittily. “I Google Maps’d it this morning. It’ll take us 22 minutes to get there by car.”

“You can’t trust those things Dig. They’re not 100%–“

“Your mother really should have named you Harold, you know. You have the personality of a cynical 84 year old man.”

He glared up at me as he finished buckling my shoe. “I am a cynical 84 year old man.”

“Well, be a not cynical gentleman for once and do up my other shoe please?” The shoe hung from my fingers in front of him, the gold buckle clinking together as it swayed side to side. Harry huffed, almost snatching the shoe away. I nearly toppled over when I lifted my other foot up, Harry immediately getting hold of my hands and placing them on his shoulders to balance myself.

“Right, that’s you ready to go.” He released my foot from his grasp.

“Thank you.” I patted his shoulders once, his snarl slowly forming into a discreet smirk. “Can we go now? I don’t want to be late.”

“Oh, so it’s now you don’t want to be late?”

I didn’t even give him the satisfaction in answering, leaving him behind in my old bedroom at my Dad’s to get in his car.

I had been surprised at how easily we had fallen into this weird friendship we had going on. We still argued almost every chance we could get, but since that text message Emily sent last weekend, we were still able to get along just fine for the sake of planning this wedding. Even though Harry was most likely acting out of pity, I didn’t mind spending my free time with him. If anything, it reminded me of why I had fallen for him the first time.

“Would you look at that! We’re here with time to spare.”

We had pulled up to Scoundrels two minutes earlier than Google had anticipated, a smug smile perched right up on my face as Harry parallel parked outside of the café. Harry had no trouble in telling me to fuck off which had just made me more smug.

The bell rang behind us as we walked through the doors and memories flooded in like a tidal wave. Scoundrels hadn’t changed one bit. Both Harry and I looked to the right where our table sat.

I remember we could have only been about fourteen when our Mum’s had first dragged us there. Mum and Dad has only just divorced and Anne was wholeheartedly there to support our family in need. While Mum cried about the inevitable end of her relationship to Anne, Harry and I were forced to awkwardly sit with each other to the table in the right while Jack and Gem were out with their mates and over time, by sitting at that table playing the most stupidest games with each other, Harry and I used to both agree that it was one of the best things that had happened to us, because it was the beginning of us; the beginning to our adventure.

“No fookin’ way!” A loud voice boomed from the counter, both of our heads swiftly turning towards the loud noise. “What are you doing here?! Are you two shaggin’ again?”

Harry burst out in laughter, clutching at his stomach as ZZ stood behind the counter, pure and utter shock written all over his face.

“Zima!” Darcy squealed as she ran from behind the kitchen and stood in the doorway. “You can’t just ask them that!”

“Well why didn’t you tell me they were our 11 o’clock appointment?! I would have had time to freak out before they turned up here.”

“It was meant to be a surprise!”

“Nice to see you too Zuzima.” Harry grinned as he made his way over to ZZ, wrapping him up in a big ol’ hug. “And it’s nice to hear you still care about our sex life.”

“Harry!” I exclaimed, whacking his arm with the back of my hand.

“What?!” With his eyes wide, Harry tried his best to act like he didn’t know what he had said.

“Ignore them love,” Darcy quickly wrapped me up in a sweet hug. “Their brains operate at a far slower rate than ours. Makes us girls superior, I reckon.”

“Oi!” ZZ piped up. “You best take that back. Gender equality and all that.”

“You’re right darling, I’m sorry.” Darcy huffed playfully as she let me go and set her eyes on Harry. “Now get over here you. Haven’t seen you in months H. How have you been?”

I walked over to ZZ with a small smile on my face. I hadn’t seen him and Darce in years. I think the last time I might have visited would have been when I was visiting H on tour with the One Direction lads at one of their Manchester concerts, which was well over four years ago.

“Hiya Zeez,”

A lot like Scoundrels, ZZ and Darcy hadn’t changed a bit either, so it wasn’t like I was nervous about that. I on the other hand had changed and from what I could tell, it wasn’t for the better. But ZZ just stood there with his kind smile and his arms out ready to give me a hug. We stood in each other arms for the longest time, just swaying side to side, holding each other tight. I actually hadn’t realised how much I had missed the both of them.

“Long time, no see sweetheart. You alright?” He mumbled quietly.

“Could kill for a decent coffee and a bit of cake.”

ZZ bellowed out a laugh, letting me go. “That I can sort that out for you. Go take a seat and I’ll bring us some.”

We all settled down on the larger table in the middle of the café, about two tables away from our self proclaimed spot. The bitter yet familiar aroma of ZZ’s coffee filled the café and I could already see from the look on Harry’s face, he was bloody happy about getting some coffee and food into himself.

“So I’m a bit confused, like…” ZZ slid my Mocha in front of me and promptly sat down beside me while Harry and Darcy chatted amongst themselves on the other side of the table.

“Are you guys, y’know… getting married?”

My eyes bulged out in shock as I sipped my coffee. I got that much of a shock, I ended up choking mid-sip. Harry had to pat my back rather brashly to help ease my coughing fit. ZZ immediately sat up straight, ready to explain himself in the fastest way possible.

“D said this appointment was a engagement party sampler and possibly a cake tasting. I see that there’s no ring in your finger, but I thought you and H were keeping it secret.”

“Zima!”

“What?!” He exclaimed, confusion written all over his face.

“We’re not getting married, ZZ.” Harry said so carefully, as if he were trying not to break his own heart again with the subject of us and marriage. If anything, it added another crack into my own shattered heart. Darcy’s eyes flickered between the two of us as if her eyes were following a tennis match.

“Jack and Gems are actually getting married and they wanted to have a surprise wedding as soon as possible. So they asked us to plan it for them.” He managed to snap back to normal, the knuckle of his index finger rubbing at the tip of his nose.

“Oh.” ZZ responded disappointedly. There was no secret that he was definitely one of our #1 supporters. We had our first date in his café. Of course he was disappointed that it wasn’t us reuniting our love. “That’s well good innit’?”

“Yeah,” Harry looked over at me, a small smile reaching towards me. “We think so.”

“So what were they wanting to have for food?” Darcy asked after she finished sipping her tea. “Do they want to serve a big lunch or dinner, or kind of have a smorgasbord of food throughout the afternoon?”

“Well they’ve kind of left that up to Harry and I, so we were thinking that we could have smorgasbord set up on the day.” I explained. “That way people can help themselves throughout the day if we were able to do that.”

“Absolutely!” ZZ clapped his hands together. “We’d probably need to bring our portable container with our gear in it if your venue doesn’t have a decent kitchen in it.”

“We’re waiting to hear back from two venues and one of them won’t have a adequate kitchen, but they will have the room for the portable container to be onsite.”

“Great,” Darcy wrote down in her notepad. “Now what kind of food requirements were you hoping to have?”

“Well ultimately, we would like a vegan menu if possible.” I tried to elaborate. “A lot of Gemma’s friends are vegan, but there are a few of Jack’s rugby mates and a couple of my Uncle’s that like a good roast.”

“What Dig is trying to say is that we’d like the best of both worlds.” Harry laughed, resting his arm on the back of my chair. “And we’d rather like it if you could make the wedding cake to

“Harry darling,” Darcy curled her fingers under his palm and squeezed his hand gently. “We’d do anything for you lot, especially after you helped us out a few months ago H. It be a pleasure to do this for your family and yours too Indigo. We’re really honoured that you both chose us to help you with your siblings wedding.”

“Right,” ZZ clapped his hands, standing promptly out of his seat. “With that being said, I’ll bring out what I’ve prepared, yeah? There’s a killer red velvet I want you to try Indz. Come give me a hand Darce?”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as ZZ and Darcy both walked into the kitchen.

“What did Darcy mean when you said you had helped them out?”

Harry just shrugged his shoulders, acting as if it were nothing of importance. “It’s nothing.”

“Come on Harry. Tell me.”

His chest rose as he inhaled deeply, his eyes shining a vibrant forest green my way. “Mum told me Scoundrels was going to close just after Christmas, so I popped in for a visit to see why ZZ and Darcy were shutting up shop. The people that used to own the building were going to put the price of their rent up astronomically and they couldn’t afford to keep running the business when Aaliyah was going to go university next year.”

“So what did you do?”

“I bought the building. Well, I was going to gift it to them but being the people they are, they wanted to pay rent. So I agreed given that I was allowed to put the rent into a university fund for Aaliyah. But the building is theirs. They just don’t know that their names and Aaliyah’s is on the deed.”

I could hear ZZ and Darcy bickering in the kitchen but that hadn’t deterred my attention from the sweetest boy I knew, if not - the sweetest on this earth.

“You are too good for this earth, Harry Styles.”

I remember first saying that to him when we were sixteen.

He had been in the middle of the live shows for X Factor and was loving everything about his new life - the girls, the city, not going to college at eight in the morning. But he had heard through Anne that my Dad had just moved back to Holmes Chapel two years after his divorce with Mum to be reconnect with me and Mum was not dealing with it well, to the point where she nearly had a mental breakdown. So, he and Gemma invited me up to London for the week and any free time he got was spent with Gemma and I doing all the tourist-y shit around London.

So I said the words at the end of my trip - “You are too good for this earth, Harry Styles.” He laughed boisterously, and shrugged it off like it wasn’t a big deal. It was just one of those things that stuck with us. To this day, I would say it was one of the best weeks I’ve ever had.

“N-no, I’m not.” He almost never replied to what I had just said, disbelief stricken all over his face. I could see his mind racing at one million miles per hour.

My hand went to his knee, the pads of my fingertips applying the slightest of pressure in comfort.

“Just because you don’t think so, doesn’t mean it’s not true Harry. You are inconceivably good.”

vi. let’s get everyone on the same page

We were only a few days away from Jack and Gemma’s wedding and while everything seemed to be ticking along just fine, I had to go back to London for the last two trial days in court for the McNealson case.

I had already anticipated that my boss Mr Rodgerson would call me in to stand apart of the defence team when it came to the end of the trial. Thankfully for Mr Rodgerson and I, Judge Heatherly had come out with his verdict in our favour just before three, meaning I’d be back in Holmes Chapel just in time to meet Harry, Jack and Gemma at the pub. It also helped that Jack had lent me his car to use for the week, meaning I didn’t have to wait around for another 45 minutes for the next train back to HC.

I didn’t think anything would go array when I pulled into Dad’s driveway, especially when all I was doing was dropping off a some clean clothes and my dress for the wedding; but as soon as I opened the car door and I heard two voices yelling at each other, voices so familiar it threw me back to my childhood, I just knew I’d be running late for the pub.

“Why didn’t you let me know Matt?! For fuck sakes, she’s my daughter too!”

“I thought you knew Jules!”

It was almost like I was 12 again.

Mum was stood in the kitchen, red in the face and fuming while Dad stood in the doorway to the dining room, arms out in disbelief, not knowing what he had done wrong this time.

“Why are you two at each other’s throats again?”

They both froze when they saw me come in the back door. Before Dad could even say hello, Mum directed her fury towards me.

“Why have you been staying here on and off for the past month?” Mum spat viciously. “Actually no, why have you not bothered to come see me once since you’ve been back?”

My shoulders dropped as I let out an audible sigh. “It’s not what you think Mum.”

“What do you mean it’s not what you think? What else am I meant to think when the only parent you see after six years of not coming home is the one who left you and your brother for two years of your life?”

“Julia! You can’t ju–“

“Mum,” I cut Dad off, knowing that they were both just egging each other on for a bigger and worse argument. “You obviously know that I’ve been helping Harry plan Jack and Gem’s engagement party then, yeah?”

Mum pursed her lips into a small scowl before nodding her head timidly.

“And you know that while I’ve been doing that, I’ve also had the big McNealson on as well right? We found out this afternoon that we won the trial.”

Mum and Dad stayed silent, both of their faces showing small telltale signs of guilt.

“I’ve just been busy Mum. I’m not trying to ignore you or cut you out of my life. From what Jack’s told me, you and Steven have his girls every other weekend and that’s okay. I just thought Dad’s was the most convenient place to stay because he has the room. If I’m honest, Dad and I have hardly spend any time together while I’ve been back and forth; but I’m sorry I made you feel like I was leaving you out of my life.”

Mum’s lip quivered as a small tear rolled down her cheek. Dad looked down at his boots sorrowfully as he leaned against the doorway.

“Why didn’t you tell me you caught Emily cheating on you before Gemma’s birthday, Indi? I could have helped you with that.”

“What?!” Dad stood up immediately, his eyes running wild with outrage. “She cheated on you?!”

Mum’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “You didn’t know?”

“Of course I didn’t know!” Dad huffed. “Would’ve driven up to London myself and let her and the world know she isn’t and would never be good enough for my girl. Would have shat in her shoe too if Indi wanted me too.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the complete 180 degree change between the two of them. While I had known for the longest time that they really didn’t get along, they were both ever so protective Jack and I. This was a good reminder to how lucky we were to have parents like them despite their flaws.

“Look I appreciate that you guys are both so protective of me and I love you both so much, but Emily and I… that was something I just had to deal with myself. There wasn’t anything or anybody that could fix how things turned out or how I felt. Only I can do that, okay?”

Dad bit down on his lip and nodded his head while Mum ran her thumb under her eye to get rid of the stray tears that had rolled down her face. A messenger notification popped off my phone holding the conversation to a stand still. I knew who it would be and I knew I was now running late.

Harry: Where are you?

“And Mum,” my voice shook as I entered unknown territory with my mother. “You’ve got to let the whole Dad disappearing for 2 years thing go. Your feelings are validated about the whole situation, but Jack and I have made our peace with Dad. So if you’re going to have a go at him, express your feelings to him and move on. Don’t use Jack and I as ammunition against him. He’s never done that to you, okay?”

Mum sniffled as she nodded, relief seemed to pour out of me considering she hadn’t gone off on another tangent.

“Right.” I coughed in the uncomfortable silence. “I only came to drop some clothes off. I’m running late to meet Harry, Jack and Gemma at the pub.”

“Hey kiddo,” Dad stopped me in my tracks waving me toward him, my suitcase still sitting on the back step. “Come here.”

I walked into his arms and wrapped my arms around his torso. “I’m so proud of you. Congratulations on winning the McNealson case.”

“Yeah congrats Bubba.” Mum said after Dad let me go, wrapping me up into her own big warm hug. “Love you so much.”

Harry: seriously? Why is it always me that’s on time? Why can’t you or your brother or my bloody sister make it to planned things on time?

Me: calm ur fucken chill mate, OMW. B @ G&D in 5 mins. Also, b a darlin and order me a cider

I left my parents together but not as how I had arrived. They were both sat down in the lounge with a cup of piping hot tea in front of them, calmly talking things through. Jack was not going to believe me when I told him what state I had left our parents in.

The G&D had been every Holmes Chapel child’s first legal drinking hole, except my own. I had one drink there the day I turned 18, a glass of Pinot Noir with the Toad in the Hole I had ordered along with dinner. Three days later, I had moved all of my belongings from my Mum’s house to my small studio apartment in the middle of London and began my life there.

So it wasn’t like I knew the ins and outs of the place, but I could spot Harry sitting at the far left table with a half drunken pint of beer and a cider on the table.

“You alright, H?”

“Would be better if you lot turned up on time.” Harry snarled, sliding my cider over before taking a decent sip of his pint. “How’d your trial go?”

“Judge Heatherly went in our favour. Ms Cindy Stewart will receive a reparation payout of £2.6 million from McNealson and Sons and another investigation into Mr Carter McNealson’s workplace harassment claims will start next month.” I shrugged before downing half my pint of cider in one go. “A good day's work if you ask me.”

“So the bastard and his father got what was coming for them, eh?”

“Oh yeah, definitely.”

“I–I uh,” Harry lifted his arm up to scratch the back of his neck. “I ordered some food. Wasn’t sure if you had dinner or not. I haven’t. So I… ordered food?” A laugh that began at the core of my body escaped me.

“You and pub food? I can’t quite believe it!”

“Shut up.” Harry quipped. “Nothing wrong with pub food.”

“That’s where you draw the line. Pub foods okay but when it comes to a 6 pack of Chicken McNuggets and sweet and sour sauce at one in the morning, it’s suddenly a catastrophe.” Harry glared at me briefly as the young waitress placed our food on our table. At least she got something that resembled a smile out of him.

“Get over it. I’ve got important things to talk to you about before Jack and Gems get here. Mrs Birkenridge called and said if we still wanted to book her homestead, we could. Her daughter is going to be around looking after the place while she’s visiting her son in America.”

“That’s good news!” And it really was. There were so many places around Holmes Chapel that we loved but with it being a small town meant that the venues were even smaller. The only other venue that could hold the number of people we were accounting for was the hotel that caused my meltdown a few days ago – and we certainly were not going back there. It was fair to say we were kind of banking on the Birkenridge Homestead.

“She also said that we can use the bedrooms if we need which I thought was lovely of her.”

“That is lovely of her to do that.” I agreed. “Did you give her the deposit?”

“Transferred it on the spot. Told the set up crew and ZZ and Darcy to meet us there tomorrow so we can get it set up and sorted.”

He was acting odd. We had been counting on Mrs Birkenridge to come through and she had. I couldn’t understand why he was acting… grumpy.

“What’s going on Harry?”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed, frown lines deciding to make an appearance on his forehead.

“Nothing.”

“Harry,” I tried once more. “What’s making you grumpy?”

His chest rose, uncertainty written all over him.

“Dad doesn’t think he’s going to make it.” Harry said, defeat laced in every syllable. “No matter how hard I’ve stressed to him how important it is for him to be here, he just… says he won’t come.”

Sadness seeped in my lungs, weighing my chest down all because I knew how the very act of Harry’s father not coming to his sisters engagement party/wedding hurt him to the core.

The topic of his Dad was an ultimate mess for not only Harry but for anyone who had the pleasure of dealing with his Dad. If it weren’t for the positive mindset Anne had instilled in her son, there would be no relationship with him at all.

“Do you want me to call him myself? I have no problem doing so. I’ve done it before.”

“Nah,” It was the first smile Harry had cracked since I arrived at G&D. “Gem reckons she doesn’t mind if he doesn’t turn up but like, I do. Like, if I were a Dad, I’d want to walk my little girl down the aisle. I don’t know why any father wouldn’t want to be at their daughter's engagement… or wedding. I don’t know. It’s all a mindfuck innit’?”

I nodded understandably. He was right. It was a mindfuck.

The messenger noise halted our conversation.

Jack: won’t be making it sis. the girls have turned up for drinks with gem so i’m off 2 deano’s 2 have some drinks with the boys. tell h he’s more than welcome 2 join

Me: wow thanx 4 the invite arse. U 2 better be at mrs birkenridge’s @ lunch. xx

“Well, guess who’s bailed on the meeting they planned?”

Harry rolled his eyes and let out a sigh of disappointment. “Bloody typical.”

“Well,” I clapped my hands together. “I don’t see why we should waste the rest of our night.”

“What do you mean Dig?”

“I’m saying we should make the most of our free night not planning this wedding. I don’t know about you but I could do with a decent night drinking.”

Chewing on his bottom lip, he pondered the possibility of spending the night with me.

“Fuck it.” He smiled once more, before necking down the rest of his pint. “Well go on then. To the bottom.”

That’s all it took for me to chug the rest of my cider and order us 2 shots of tequila each and another round of drinks, a start to interesting night.

vii. let’s get a start on this wedding

I could hear chirping.

Why could I hear chirping?

I took three deep breaths, my head thumping and my mouth drier than the Sahara desert. I couldn’t even bare the thought to open my eyes. If it weren’t for my turning stomach, I would have stayed in my deep slumber. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the weight on top of my abdomen, pressing all the wrong places

“Get off.” I mumbled, squeezing my eyelids shut tighter as the daylight outside woke me up. Trying my hardest to push the weight off, I began to breathe quicker, my mouth watering at an insane rate as my turning got worse than before. “Get off. Get off. Get off.”

A sigh of relief escaped me when I managed push the weight off me. Flinging the sheets off me, my eyes shot open and I ran to the bathroom, my stomach emptying into the toilet as soon as I collapsed in front of the toilet. The bathroom was beginning to spin once I had finished, so there I stood at the basin, stark naked brushing the remnants from the night before off my teeth. My thighs ached to the point where without the motivation to vomit, I wasn’t sure I could walk.

I spat the remaining toothpaste into the basin, the running tap washing the foam down the drain. As I looked up into the mirror, I saw Harry standing behind me in the reflection, still half asleep and stark naked as I was. He reached around me, twisting the tap to the point the water stopped running.

“Turn around.” His voice croaked. It had always taken a bit for his gravelly voice to warm up in the morning.

Harry guided my hands to hook behind his neck, before running his own down my body, leaving a wake of goosebumps, settling at the back of my thighs.

“Jump.”

My legs locked around his body, while my eyes found comfort in the darkness of the crook of his neck.

“You’re game.” I mumbled as Harry carried me back to my bedroom. “Walking around like this in my Dad’s house.”

“Calm down.” I heard him kick the door to my bedroom, as it bounced off the wall and back into us. “Your Dad left for work a couple of hours ago. He’s not exactly quiet when he leaves for work.”

My back hit the mattress gently as Harry lowered me down, a kiss placed on the very corner of my mouth which melted all my limbs to jelly. He draped the sheets over my body before occupying the space next to me like he had the night just been. His head rested by my right shoulder, eyes already shut closed. The calluses of his hand tickled at my hip as Harry pulled me closer to him.

“H?” I asked so quietly, I wondered if he had heard me. My fingertips ran through the mess of his hair. Harry seemed to have liked it because he had shuffled closer to me and did this weird, purring thing.

“Mmmm…”

“We had sex.”

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled smugly. “We did.”

We lay in silence for a bit, the only noise was from the birds chirping outside my window. And while it seemed quite slow and steady out there, in here my brain could not stop running at one million and one miles per hour.

“Do you think Dad would of heard us last night?”

“Oh yeah no doubt.” Harry chuckled. “Remember that time he stayed with us? The night of your graduation? You were almost louder than that night, I reckon.”

“Oi, no I wasn’t.” I disagreed.

“Whatever you say Dig.”

Yesterday seemed like forever ago. While bits of it were a haze, there were times last night that were clear as day. I remember when Harry backed me into the corner, telling me how beautiful I looked. I told him to piss off. I remember tasting whiskey off of his tongue when he kissed me on the taxi home. I remember feeling so satisfied with colour purple that grew on the crook of his neck, admiring the handiwork I had done on him. I remembered what it was like to just have him in such a vulnerable state, the intimacy we shared almost identical to what we used to share with each other all those years ago.

Rather than the experience being soul-shattering and painful like I thought it would turn out to be, I felt loved; something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Without knowing so, Harry and I fell into another deep slumber, where I had dreamed that we were about to go skydiving and I was about to jump off the plane when a phone began ringing.

“What?” Harry grumbled beside me. His heartbeat echoed in the shell of my ear as he listened to whoever was interrupting our time. “Shit! Yep, yeah. We will be there in ten minutes.”

“Who was that?”

“It was Gemma.” Harry slipped out from under me, making me whimper from the loss of contact and warmth.

“Come on Diggy babe. You’ve got to get up. Everyone’s at Mrs Birkenridge’s.”

“What?!” That made me instantly sit up. I couldn’t recall in the whole time that I had known Harry for him to dress himself as quickly as he did. Me on the other hand still felt drunk. He threw on his clothes and then helped me into my own before putting me into the car and drove speedily towards the Birkenridge Homestead.

“I’m so sorry we’re late.” Harry instantly apologised to the woman I assumed was Mrs Birkenridge’s daughter.

“It’s no problem. I’m Rosemary, Mary-Louise’s daughter. You must be Harry? We spoke on the phone.”

“Yeah I am. Nice to meet you.” Harry grinned, holding his hand out for her to shake his hand. “This is Indigo, Jack’s sister. We’re both planning the engagement party together.”

Despite every cell in my body functioning at a 45% success rate, I pulled a smile on my face and shook Rosemary’s hand. “Hiya! Nice to meet you.”

”You too.” She smiled politely as she lead us around the property. “Jack and Gemma are just around the back by the pond. They were telling me that you used to throw pretty great parties back in the day.”

“That was mostly Harry,” I admitted. “I was too busy studying for my exams most of the time‍. All I would do was make sure there was a enough booze and food for everyone.”

“Don’t you listen to her Rosemary,” Harry was quick to dismiss. “She was a vital part of the team. Was always there ready to play an impromptu game of drunk twister and always made sure nobody felt left out.”

“Oh there they are. Took you two long enough to get here.” Jack said in a smarmy tone, all to arrogant for his own good. Gemma slapped his chest with the back of her hand. If Jack was gonna play this game with me, I was gonna play and beat him at his own game too.

“Oi, pipe down pet. It’s not like we’ve done everything else for this bleeding wedding.”

Rosemary looked warily between the two of us, I sure if we were being serious or not.

“Ignore him.” Gemma grinned over at Rosemary. Harry just threw a warning look my way, as if he were saying ‘just shut your face for once, would ya?’ through the smallest movement of his eyebrow. “He gets a bit cocky when he hasn’t been fed.”

“Well, I say we get into it.” Harry clapped his hands. “You tell us how you want things set up,” he looked towards Gemma and Jack before aiming his attention at Rosemary. “And you can let us know if that’s okay or not to do on the property,” Then his neck snapped my way. “And Dig and I can sort the rest.”

For the next three hours, Gemma and Jack explained how they wanted their ceremony area and reception area set up, while Rosemary sat at the table with Harry watching the decorators do their thing. By the end of the afternoon, Rosemary was besotted with Harry and couldn’t stop gushing to her husband how sweet Harry was.

It looked absolutely beautiful.

Baby pink satin curtains draped against a frame that stood on a platform at the end of the aisle. Fairy lights glimmered in the tree’s and bundles of pink and white roses bloomed all over the show. What had impressed me the most was the smiles that just seemed to keep on growing on my brother and his fiancé’s faces.

“Uh, Indigo?” I turned around to see Rosemary who looked unsure about what she was going to say next. “There’s, uh… Emily’s come to see you? She’s quite adamant on seeing you, uh… now?”

My heart dropped in a instant. I could feel my skin turn pale and my breath held still in my chest. I was in shock. I couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of how she knew where I was.

“Hey, hey, hey…” Jack stood in front of me, his hands rubbing the sides of my arms to shake me out of the shock I was in. “What’s going on Prinny? You look sick. Is your hangover finally kicking in?”

I wanted to speak… No actually, I wanted to scream; but I couldn’t. I just wanted to be left alone for one goddamn minute to grasp what was happening.

“A girl’s turned up here to see Indigo. Her name’s Emily.” Rosemary patted my back comfortingly as Jack’s green eyes bulged out in disbelief.

“Fuck.” He mumbled. “Do you want me to go get rid of her? Because I will. You know I will.”

“No.” I managed to shake my head and took a step back. I needed space for my own well-being. “I–I just wasn’t expecting her.”

“Well do you want me to go with you then? We’ll go tell her to bugger off together.”

“N–no thanks.” I shook my head before turning around to Rosemary. “I’m so sorry if she’s given you any trouble. I’ll make sure she goes home.”

She nodded at me with a sympathetic smile. “She’s in the front entrance. Good luck.”

I could hear her before I could see her. She was pacing up and down the entrance her normally pristine hair was messily thrown up into a bun. She looked like she hadn’t even changed clothes in the last couple of days. It was more scary than it was worrisome.

“Emily what are you doing here?”

She stopped in her tracks, her piercing eyes going right through me. “You need to come with me now.”

“I can’t Emily.” My voice wobbled. “I’m busy.”

“Yeah, with that fucking prick from One Direction.” Emily spat venomously. “It’s fucking everywhere Indi. Harry Styles back with his former childhood sweetheart. Do you know how stupid that makes me look?”

“What about how stupid I looked when you cheated on me, huh?” I cried so loudly, it echoed within the entrance. “Do you ever think about how awful I felt when I caught my girlfriend of two years in our bed being eaten out by your co-worker?”

“I only did it because you stopped loving me!”

“That is such bullshit Em.” I angrily wiped the tears rolling down my flushed cheeks. “The worst thing about all of this is that I still fucking love you, even after everything you’ve put me through. I still fucking love you.”

“Well if you loved me, you would have never kicked me out of my home. You would have stayed in London and sort things out with me. We would still be together.”

“No we wouldn’t.” I spoke honestly. “You know, Harry never did anything wrong while we were together. Sure, his job sucked at times but he always made me feel loved. And I still ran away from him because my parents had fucked up the idea of marriage for me. All your cheating did was bring everything to light, Em. You never loved me the way I loved you and I’ve realised that it’s not enough.”

“Do you know how hard I’ve fucking tried over the last two years Indigo? Because let me tell you, it’s fucking tough when your girlfriend is still in love with her ex-boyfriend.”

“I’m not in love with Harry!” I sobbed. “I’m not.”

“You are though. You’ve never fully let him go and all you’ve done is run back into his arms. Forget me though, I’ll just act like everything you’re doing is fine.”

“For fuck sakes Emily!” I shouted, a lie bubbling up in my stomach. “All he’s done is help me with this near-on soul destroying wedding! He’s not even being that great about it. If it weren’t for the fact that my brother and his sister were getting married, I would have absolutely nowt to do with him.”

I could see the rage in her that had built up so much, it was about to overflow.

“You need to go, Emily.”

Harry stood leaning against the hallway wall, a mixture of sadness and anger showing on his face. Emily scoffed as she spotted Harry a few metres away from us.

“Well here’s the big man himself! Suppose you’ve been trying everything in your power to woo our little princess here. Not that hard of a job to win her over is it?”

“If you don’t leave, I’ll get my security to escort you off the property and you’ll be given a restraining order.”

“You know what?” Emily paced back and forth for a bit, quietly laughing to herself. “Fuck you both. You two fucking horrible people deserve each other.”

Just like that, she was gone… and Harry wasn’t far behind her.

“Harry!” I ran up behind him as best as I could in my heels, yanking on his bicep to pull Harry back. “Could you just stop for a second?”

“Why should I Dig? All you’ve done this whole time is second guess me! I want the best for our siblings too! I want to do the best I can possibly do for their wedding! I don’t know what I have done for you to not trust me!” Harry puffed, his cheeks instantly flushing red as tears built up in his eyes.

“Actually, fuck that. I proposed to you Dig! I proposed to you and you ran away and it was the last I saw of you. For the last two years I’ve tried to understand what I did wrong; what I possibly could have done to stop you from leaving me. All for you to not be loved like you should have been loved since. That fucking breaks my heart Indigo, it fucking does. We could have never felt this pain if you had just let me love you.”

“Harry, I–“

“Ever since I saw you sitting out on Mum’s balcony with a fucking e-cigarette in your hand, you’re all I’ve wanted since. But I’m never going to be good enough, am I Dig?”

I wish you knew Harry. I wish you knew that you were too good for me… too good for this earth in this lifetime anyways. It was never about you not being good enough for me. It was about me not being good enough for you.

In this lifetime I’ll always love you but will never be good enough to match what you deserve.

I wish you knew.

viii. let’s have a wedding.

“Get up.” My body shook from the sharp jolt that moved my mattress.

I lifted my hand in the air, middle finger flying high and proud as I squished my face as far into the pillow as I could. “Fuck off Jackson.”

“Seriously Prinny. Get the fuck up.”

“I don’t want to deal with you right now.” I seethed, glaring at Jack with as much hatred as could muster this early in the morning. “Fuck off and get ready for your wedding.”

“I want to!” Jack exasperated. “But I can’t when both me and the woman I’m about to marry are worrying about our siblings.”

“Stop worrying and let me go back to sleep. There – problem solved.”

“Indigo.” Jack sat on the edge of my bed, tucking my hair behind my ear. “He loves you.”

No he didn’t. He didn’t know what type of person I had turned into. If Emily couldn’t love me, Harry certainly couldn’t. If anything, my worst fear had come true. I was unlovable. There was no need for Harry to take one for the team and brainwash himself into thinking he loves me.

“It’s been two, nearly three years since he proposed Jack.” I croaked, tears heavy on my eyes and my throat tightening to where it was becoming hard to breathe. “I’m a horrible person. He doesn’t love me. He loves this made up version of me that he’s had in his head since.”

“He loves you Indi, he told you that yesterday. You just don’t love yourself… or you don’t love love.” He argued.

“Trust me, I know our parents fucked up our idea of love but in all honesty, it was you and Harry that changed that for me. Not Gemma, you and Harry. I knew that it was the whole marriage idea that triggers you but I thought if you could happily accept the amount of love Harry had for you by opening your heart up, I could do the same. And in a few hours time, I’m going to marry the love of my life, and it’s going to be great.”

The clock read 8.43am, which meant I had only stopped crying four hours ago. Of course Jack had to go set me off with the sweetest of arguments I’ve ever had with my brother.

“I just want you to have the best love you could possibly get and give and I really think Harry is your shot at that. But you need to fight for him Indz, because I think he’s lost all hope and from what I can see, you’ve got a little bit left in ya.”

And like the annoying brother he was, Jack was right. I did have a little bit of hope left for Harry and I.

“Right, okay.” I flung the sheets off me, wiping the ugly tears that were drying on my rosy cheeks. “Move out of my way. Got to tell someone I love him.”

Jack grinned, throwing his keys on my lap. “See you in a couple of hours then.”

I wish I had more time to think, but it only took me three minutes to drive to Harry’s parents house. I wanted more time to think of how to say sorry; to apologise for disappearing after he got down on one knee in our living room and asked me to marry him; to think of all the ways I could show Harry how much I loved him; and most importantly, to talk myself out of doing this because deep down, I was still so unsure about me chasing after him. All of my insecurities were still there but so was Harry… for the meantime.

Gemma gave me a knowing look as she let me into her Mum’s house, whispering a quick good luck in my ear as she let me go from our hug. Ny heart pounded so loudly in my chest with every step I took up the stairs, leading myself to Harry’s bedroom.

My hand anxiously wavered by before it knocked three times again the wooden door. I could hear the graspiness in his voice the moment he mumbled ‘come in’.

My hand turned the golden knob and I visibly cringed as the door freaked while I opened it. But as soon as I saw him, leaning up on his elbows over at me, still half asleep not knowing who was at the door, tears fell heavy on my eyes.

“Hey…” I choked out, all the words I wanted to say the moment I saw him vanished in a second.

“Hi.”

Rather than the scowl I was expecting to see on his face, Harry smiled and all it did was make me break down in tears.

“Hey, hey, hey. Come on now. Come get into bed.” Harry hushed from his bed, lifting up the covers and invited me in. It was safe to say I near on ran getting into his warm bed.

“I’m so sorry H. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I never–“

Harry shushed me gently, his lips peppering kisses on my forehead. His arm instantly wrapped around my waist, pulling my body right against his side, the shell of my ear right above his racing heart.

“I’m sorry too. I should’ve never made you feel guilty for not accepting my proposal.” Harry whispered so carefully.

“I should have never run away from you in the first place.” I shook my head. “I should have stayed and told you how afraid I was of turning out like my parents. Instead I hurt you and I don’t know if I can forgive myself for that.”

“I think there is a should have and shouldn’t haves in our past babe,” Harry sighed. “The question we have now is do we see a future together…”

Before I could get my answer in, Harry carried on. “Because if I’m being 100% honest here, I’m in. With or without marriage, I want to spend this lifetime with you.”

Sniffling hard, I threw myself on top of his body, attacking his body in the biggest hug of love I could give.

“I love you. Fuck, I’m so fucking in love with you. I’ve never stopped, I never will.” I muttered on like a mad person in the crook of his neck. Tears continued to roll down my cheek and onto his warm skin.

“Love you too, Dig. So much.”

***

“Could I get everybody’s attention please?” Jack's voice boomed over the group of people that had gathered in the backyard. Gemma stood proudly by his side, her smile beaming as she looked up at the man she was about to marry.

Harry and I sat off to a table on the right of the aisle, bunched up together like two peas in a pod. Our fingers were intertwined, resting on Harry’s thigh under the table. Thankfully, the tablecloth covered out hands so not even our mothers could use that as an excuse to pry in our newly founded relationship. My head rested on his shoulder, partly due from the lack of sleep I had the night before, but mostly due to how exhausted planning this wedding had made me.

Anne has burst into Harry’s bedroom earlier this morning, just like when we were kids. While we may of been sleeping for ten minutes at most after reconciling, she told us to both get out of bed and join her and Gemma for breakfast. She had made pancakes, and made me my own special blueberry pancakes.

Things would have been great if Harry didn’t insist on eating my pancakes. We were thirty minutes into our new future that we couldn’t wait to see what would come from it, and we were already arguing. For the first time in a very long time, I felt happy and that in itself was an overwhelming emotion.

“We want to thank you for turning up today. It means a lot to Gemma and I that you all could make it. But there’s two people we really want to thank from the very bottom of our heart.” Jack looked over at Harry and I from the platform.

“As you know, my brother Harry and Jack’s sister Indigo have spent the last couple of months planning this engagement party for us. Haven’t they done such a wonderful job?” Gemma said, her grin never leaving her face. A applause broke out from the crowd in front of them.

“If you didn’t know, they used to date! And like the annoying siblings they are, they would make Jack and I hang out with them all the time. It was like being an awkward double date.” She laughed, before turning her attention back onto Jack. “But little did we know what would come our way and what we would turn into. So in saying that, we have a bit of a surprise for you all.”

Gemma quickly ran off stage and pulled another lady up onto the stage with her.

“This is Diana. She’s a marriage celebrant.”

A gasp came over the guests, while Harry and I chuckled between each other.

“And since we thought Harry and Indi have done such a great job and all of the people we love and cherish are here, we thought why not just get married now!”

Both of our Mum’s looked between in each other in shock, tears forming heavily in their eyes. Dad threw his head back, boisterously laughing his head off, pointing at us as we sheepishly grinned like we hadn’t known this was the plan all along.

“You knew, didn’t ya! Ya little fucking shits.”

Diana stood in between Jack and Gem, harping on all things love and how the very act of love made the world go round and more specifically, how it came to bring them two together. I didn’t expect Jack to be as emotional as he was. His voice quivered on almost every third word when he was saying his vows, sneaky tears being hastily wiped away by this big stocky fella who I hadn’t seen cry in almost twenty years. As for Gemma, well – you couldn’t get the smile off her face if you tried.

“...I now announce you as husband and wife. Now snog each other, will ya?”

A surge of pride filled my chest as I watched my brother and new sister-in-law whisper ‘I love you’ to each other before kissing each other. Jack had said earlier that there was hope in seeing love. Now I knew what he had meant, and it pained me to say but my big ol’ brother was right.

I turned my face towards Harry, resting my chin on his shoulder as I looked up into those lovely eyes I had been in love with since I was fifteen.

“I love you.” I whispered, the most smug of smiles gracing Harry’s face.

“I love you too."

ix. epilogue

Harry thought to himself he had never been so thankful to see a door before. The moment he walked out, all he wanted to do was walk back in and stay there for as long as he could.

But Indigo was sick of hospital food. All she wanted was some baked ziti from the little Italian restaurant down the road and given the last twenty four hours she had been through, Harry would do anything for his love. That however meant Harry had to drive across town to get it, and while he was near home, he might as well pick up the gift he forgot and left at home.

Harry quietly crept into the hospital room, trying his best not to drop the food his girlfriend desperately wanted, or all of the other stuff he had brought from their home. Despite the curtains were drawn shut, the sunset managed to peek through, setting the room into a nice auburn red that wasn’t too harsh on his eyes.

“Hey.” Harry whispered, a moment of relief falling over him when he saw Indigo sitting upright, her hair tied up messily on the top of her head, happily gazing down at the little bub that had only entered the world just a few hours ago.

Indigo looked away from their little angel, her smile turning into a grin when she saw Harry standing there with a paper bag of food and about three stuffed toys in his hand.

“Hi. How was the traffic?”

“It was fine.” Harry walked over and placed the toys at the side of the hospital bed, the food put on the bedside cabinet, and a kiss promptly placed on Indigo’s lips. “How’s our girl doing?”

“Well she’s been a hungry little bugger for the last ten minutes, haven’t you sweet girl?” Indigo turned her attention back down to her little bubba, currently latched on and eating to her heart’s content. “But she’s been a good girl nonetheless. The nurse and I were really impressed at how well she latched on this time.”

“Not sure where she gets being good from. It certainly isn’t from you or me.” Harry snided, his wit still coming through despite most of his attention was on this little girl of theirs. He went to pat the apple of her cheek ever so gently with the knuckle of his finger but she was to quick for him, her tiny hand wrapping around his finger. Harry’s heart hadn’t melted quicker than it did in that moment.

“The nurse wants you to do some more skin-to-skin tonight too.” Indigo smiled at her little girl’s hand wrapping around her daddy’s finger. “She said it may help her settle a bit better when we put her down for a sleep, rather than nursing her to sleep all the time.”

“Count me in.” Harry beamed. “I’d do anything for you, little girl.”

Indigo’s free hand lifted up to Harry’s cheek, feeling the scratchy stubble on her palm. Admiration filled Indigo’s heart to the brim when it came to Harry’s love for anything, but it had been amplified when they had found out about their little bub growing in Indigo’s tummy, and then so much more when she finally decided to enter the world. In all honesty, Indigo thought she had peaked. There was absolutely no way she could be any happier than she was in this very moment.

“Sweet girl wrote you a card while you were gone.”

“Did she now?” Harry’s eyebrow quirked upwards. “You know, we’ve got to give her a name at some point.”

“It’ll come in good time. Just can’t decide if she’s a Grace or a Georgia.” Indigo shrugged her shoulders, dropping her hand from his face, and back down to their baby. Her little bub looked content and full, so Indigo broke her suction and quickly replaced her nipple with the knuckle of her finger in between the baby’s gums. “Her card’s just up on the cabinet if you want to read it.”

Harry didn’t want his sweet girl to let go of his finger but he slid his finger out unwillingly. His curiosity got the better of him, wanting to know what his daughter (and Indigo) wanted to say to him.

He picked up the baby pink envelope, flicked his finger under the paper and pulled out a card that read ‘To the Best Daddy in the world!’ on the front. His thumb pulled the card open, and with his heart beating ever so loudly, Harry began to read.

To Daddy.

Aren’t you happy I’m out of the womb now? Now we can chat and have kisses at what ever ridiculous time of night without waking Mummy up! I’m so glad that I get to be your’s and Mummy’s sweet girl forever now.

While I’ve been growing in her tummy, me and Mummy have been having some serious talks about our future - just stuff like not being fussy with food and going to bed properly the first time. I said to her I couldn’t promise that but I did say I would help her ask something.

Mummy said she loves you very much and has loved you the moment you gave her a pink rose outside of Scoundrels when she was 15. She said you tried to do this once before, but she got really scared and ran away. She hopes you’ve forgiven her for it, she never meant to hurt you. All she wants is to give you as much love as she can. What she’s trying to ask is if you’ll marry her… but she thinks it’d be much cuter if I asked - so here it goes.

WILL YOU MARRY MY MUMMY? xo

By the time Harry looked up from the card, Indigo held open a ring box, that hand the most stunning carvings within the black coated ring.

“So what do you say?” Indigo said with a nervous smile on her face; their sweet baby angel cooing in her arms.

“Will you marry me?”

[kaitkerrigan]

HOW TO RETURN HOME - The Millennial Problem

I really pushed myself into a corner this weekend when I promised a teacher that I’d write about “How to Return Home”. Most of you don’t know the history of this song, which is a pandora’s box. 

I’ve long been planning to write a post about THE FRESHMAN EXPERIMENT. At the time of conception, this is how we defined it: 

living musical ['liv[ng] 'myü-zi-k&l]

a musical based on the lives of living people

a musical existing in real time

a musical created on the internet by the award-winning writing team Kerrigan and Lowdermilk based on the lives of two young bloggers as they share the story of their freshman years of college 

I’ll leave it at that for now and come back to this in depth in another post. 

ChristineCoke, the handle of one of the freshman writers, was an incredible voice. She wrote these earnest and beautiful posts that flowed into some of my favorite songs that we’ve ever written:  Last Week’s Alcohol My Heart Is Split (and you guessed it) How to Return Home. 

It’s funny how memory works. I had created a fiction about exactly what we got from ChristineCoke when she first wrote about going back to her home for Thanksgiving break, but I just went back to our website archive and found this (and everything else you’re about to dig into): 

I pulled my luggage into a house that is exactly how I’d left it - dirty and empty with a silence that gently hummed in my ears. There was no one to greet me so I ran up the stairs calling out the names of my siblings and mothers. More silence and peeling wallpaper.

And this is how I wanted to return home. My barefeet sliding along the wood floors as my cat criss crosses her way through my legs. To sit on my bed and wrap myself up in the thin blanket that could barely warm me during the winter months. Slowly, I came back into a place that I hadn’t truly thought about until I was five minutes away.

Eventually my brothers and sisters came filtering in and our home had a pulse again. Then Mamajay came and I ran to her before she had time to open the door.

I had a three minute fight with my brother today. It feels great to be here.

A couple weeks after this first post, Brian posted this - with audio that I can’t find: 

hey it’s brian. so i wrote this thing while i was home for thanksgiving and didn’t have a chance to post it until now. i played it for kait at some point and she was pretty underwhemed - possibly for good reason. the lyrics aren’t great, and they depart a lot from what CC was talking about. but this is emotionally what spoke to me, and i think the music might be interesting. (sidebar: lots of time kait and i start out with a song that i write music and lyrics to and then she swoops in and redoes the lyric) So these may be dummy lyric, and i may also just start from scratch musically on something else. Particularly because while I was home for t-giving my sister and i listened to a lot of dashboard confessional. so in addition to a) being a song fragment and b) not very good, this is also potentially c) a little too much like a dashboard song. wow. yea. but i definitely think there’s something to be done w/ the phrase “How To Return Home.” And this is certainly something…

“I’m pulling my luggage into a house that is dirty and empty A house that is just how I’d left it Dirty and empty and silent. A silence that’s gently humming in my ears. And I’m waiting for you to come rush down the stairs. I’m calling, I’m waiting, I’m watching the driveway. Hoping that something is still the same. I’m calling, I’m calling your name.

I guess I’m learning How long I’ve been gone I guess I’d forgotten I miss these walls Now I’m relearning everything All about silence And how to return home”

Brian says I was underwhelmed but it was a long time ago, so I don’t actually remember. Isn’t it weird to imagine the songs that never were? I bet that my response was more to the music than to the lyric. As he said, I often would change the lyrics anyway. I do remember both of us really struggling over how to use the hook. How do you put “how to return home” into a sentence. It sounds like a recipe title, not a song hook. I remember really arguing over how it could function in the song. 

Anyway, the next significant step was Brian again and this wasn’t until February (so I bet we had some off-line conversations): 

Okay, so here’s a new version of How To Return Home I’m trying, music first. There’s a PDF and a terrible scratch vocal of me singing. Not sure how much this will mean to anyone, but hopefully Kait will write some lyrics - and then the whole thing will mean a bit more!Happy February everybody…

He posted music that is EXACTLY the music that makes up the verse and chorus of the song now. That is magic to me. It’s one thing to piece together the perfect words, but to somehow knit together the language of a melody into something iconic and memorable - and in one go? How do you do that??? 

Then the writing started to pick up speed. A week later also in February I posted this: 

Here are the lyrics to at least the first draft of the beginning of “How to Return Home”:

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home at last and silent but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum, somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a gulf to damn wide to climb.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. It’s the only way you’ll get through this holiday. Count the hours. Pick some flowers. Make a nice bouquet.

Clearly, the dumby lyrics come at the end, but I’m still not sure about the entire chorus. I’m kind of thinking that it probably changes based on whatever happens at the end of the chorus. Plus, it has to work throughout the song, right Bri? This probably doesn’t change each time since it’s such a pop chorus. Perhaps 2 lines change - the “it’s the only way to get through…” which I would assume will change too. And I’m pretty sold that we want something more like “get through this day” with the three notes on day.

Anyway, this is where the song is at currently. Updates to arrive throughout the weekend. I think I’ll have the whole thing done by Sunday or Monday at the latest.

You guys, this is where you get to see our baby pictures - or my baby pictures. I vlogged this lyric in 2008, so quite literally ten years ago. Kudos for me for not giving a good goddamn about my hair or anything. This was before the days of vloggers really. We were early adopters to be sure and so I had little awareness of the idea that looking presentable might be, er, helpful to our cause. 

Oh my god, did you watch it? Those pre-mac days were rough, let me tell you.  We definitely hadn’t figured out how to use the hook yet. A week or two off-line, where we inevitably went back and forth on that hook (and the occasional pop-misaccent of “how to REturn home” which gave me agitas). But here comes another draft on March 1st in a post called “HOW TO REVISE”: 

I feel pretty good about this one. I’m not going to sing it for you today - unless I miraculously learn how to play the guitar (doubtful). My changed lines are in italics.

Before you read on, I feel like I need to say something about perfect rhymes. I’ve been thinking about them a lot because this song both begs for them and also eschews them if they aren’t precisely what you mean. So I’ve definitely struck a bit of a deal with them - borrowing from pop, country, folk, and musical theater to figure out what to do where. But as I thought about these things and did my research, I’ve come to the conclusion that perfect rhymes are having a resurgence. Surprising, I know. Nothing ever seemed more lame or unlikely until lyrics became virtually unmemorizable and rap reclaimed rhyme’s significance. In addition to the rappers (too many to mention but Eminem and Blackalicious still being among some of my favorites for clever - without sacrificing meaning for the sake of - rhyme), the popularity of Fiona Apple, Regina Spektor, and new to my itunes line up Vampire Weekend (thanks Rachel Lowdermilk!) all mark a significant upswing in real rhyming’s trendiness. Of course, none of these writers act like hall monitors on the subject. We musical theater writers still have that all to ourselves - remarkably we act like narcs about it whether pro or con.

Now, back to the previously scheduled reveal of new lyrics! I think this is really fun to sing Brian’s melody. We will, of course, test drive sometime this week.

How to Return Home

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, Home just as you left it but still you’re shaken, like walking into a museum somehow out of time. It’s all the same except the girl in the hallway, Where she’s been and who she will ripen into, Your childhood’s on the other side of a sprawling divide… too wide.

Take silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs.  It’s the only way you’ll get through today. Count the hours. Take a shower. Wash yourself away.

The house is pulsing with an alien heartbeat, Was it always here but you never listened? It’s calling you to be the girl that you were way back then… again.

Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. Put away your clothes, take it nice and slow.

Be their daughter. Nothing’s harder when nobody knows

How to return home, and how to survive, There’s no written guidelines. How to go back, How to show up and unpack. How to show up.

How to grow up. How to take a breath. Take a silent breath. Hold in the change. Tell yourself you still live here. Take your bags upstairs. You still share a name

But you’re not the same. You don’t fight now. You don’t hide now. It’s a whole new way of how to return home.* How to return home. How to return home.

Your bare feet sliding on the old wooden floorboards, home just as you left it but still you’re shaken.

*I originally had “It’s a whole new game. How to return home.” Which I’m pretty sure I don’t like but sometimes I get something right and then go straight past it. This adds a pick up before the “how” but I think the meaning is much better and it’s a little less played out / more unexpected and leads to a better conclusion for the song.  The only other thing that I tried and rejected is replacing “Take a shower. Wash yourself away.” with “Only hours. Teach yourself to pray.”

Thoughts?

It’s nice and rare when you get a resounding yes to the thing you made. How sweet to have that back and forth captured in the comments: 

BRIAN: wow that’s gorgeous. i’ll write more, and probably sing it back to everyone either later tonight or tomorrow morning. amazing work, kait. KAIT: Maybe tomorrow after the cap thing? I’ll bring my camera. Maybe they’ll let us steal a piano for a bit? BRIAN: since we had plans for natalie weiss to make a recording for us anyway, want to ask her to do this? later this week? and yes, let’s record tomorrow. this thing f-ing rocks. KAIT: Maybe. Let’s mull it over as we sing through it today.

Oh, Brian and Kait, you so-n-sos. Always so on brand. Kait ever cautiously low-key, Brian so deeply enthusiastic and raring to go. 

Do you care about any of this? All of this is about how a song got written, not about how it landed itself as a center piece of THE BAD YEARS. What is THE BAD YEARS? A song cycle? An immersive house party? Both? What does that have to do with the alien heartbeat of this house and ChristineCoke? 

Everything. “How To Return Home” found its way into a song cycle we made called TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS, which was the brainchild of a conversation that we had with a licensing company that wanted us to make something commercial that could go directly to licensing. Would that not have been lovely? It didn’t pan out. But the idea that we hit - to write a show about the people around us - the generation of millennials who would never fulfill their parents’ American Dream, did pan out and evolve. 

“How To Return Home” was always one of the songs that felt like a linchpin to these songs and as we built it out, it became something that parents of millennials would hear and grab us by the arm and say “Thank you for telling me what my daughter is going through. She just moved back in after college.” We realized that in writing something a bit broader than just about coming home for Thanksgiving break, we were writing about the larger lack of employment after college, the depression of a generation who didn’t have the opportunities that they assumed they’d have. We leaned into this. 

When we had the opportunity to take TALES FROM THE BAD YEARS and turn it into an immersive house party, this song was both beguiling and bewildering. It does not take place at a house party. But the sensation of being at your family’s home in the center of a party can be beautifully transfixing. The song became a centerpiece for Rachel’s arc. 

Rachel was an optimistic and ambitious millennial who’s surprised to discover that the world wasn’t waiting for her. She is one of the youngest at the party and she is just beginning to realize that she’s going to have to claw her way into the world rather than have it handed to her. In more recent drafts, the house has actually become more and more of a character. The history of the house is also oppressive. This is a place where some bad things happened and it’s going to be destroyed. But right now, Rachel is facing her own nostalgia smashed up against the glass of her reality. 

Ultimately, “How to Return Home” is about the simple sensation of walking into a house after having grown up there and feeling like the whole place is smaller, different. The fun house affect of your reality having outgrown your childhood cocoon. I moved around a lot. I haven’t been back to a single place that I grew up except my grandmother’s house. Every time I walk in, I’m struck by how low the ceilings are, how small the kitchen is, how narrow that backyard that contained my fantasies is. Once upon a time, my whole world could fit inside that kitchen. I remember a graduation party (something that I also can barely believe ever happened  - my grandmother entertaining) and sliding past adults through the back door to get to the refrigerator. But even as I say that, my memory is wavering. She remodeled her kitchen a few years ago and moved the back stairs and I have to consciously conjure that old set up. My memory has transformed to adjust to her new layout. I remember a couch that was long and s shaped in her music room. The room is so small. Where exactly did it go? Memory is so slippery but the visceral feelings you have when you return to a site of your childhood - especially the dark looming ones - is not. It’s immediate and pulsing and both familiar and alien at once. 

The question of how to return home is really a question of how to hold onto your slippery sense of self when you’re just discovering who you are and I think the answer (or at least the answer that we landed on in this song) is mindfulness - mindfully telling yourself to breath, to hold in the things you know to be true about yourself in spite of all of the old neural pathways that are lighting up with triggers. 

[purplesurveys]

340

How many months are there until your birthday? Nine months. Have you gotten gum stuck in your hair? Uhhh I think once, when I was 7. It wasn’t overly bad. When was the last time you received straight A's? First semester. I could have had straight 1′s (our equivalent of A’s) just this last semester, but one of my profs decided to give me a 2. As someone who’s grade conscious, I deeply resent her for that lmao. Where is your sister right now? She’s upstairs in her room. Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal? Apparently it’s extremely tiny. I didn’t know until like a billion people pointed it out to me. I always get conscious when I write stuff for people to read now.

Are you currently listening to a song? No. I refrain from listening to anything while taking surveys because I end up getting 100% distracted. If yes, what song is it? Do you have a digital camera? We used to, but it was principally my sister’s. We don’t use it now though; we have a DSLR and our phone cameras instead. Do you own any kind of yellow clothing? Just my shirts from junior year when our class color was yellow. Who last commented you on myspace? Wow. How many piercings do you have? Two. One on each ear. What time is it? It isssss currently 5:43 PM. What color are your eyes? Dark brown. How tall are you? Somewhere between 5′1″ and 5′2″. How long does it take you to shower? 5-7 minutes. Shorter if I REALLY don’t feel like it. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Hahahaha this is something I’m guilty of not doing. I always get into trouble when my mom’s in the car and she sees I don’t put my seatbelt on. What jewelry do you wear all the time? I used to wear a necklace but it came off and I hadn’t gotten around to putting it back on, so right now there’s not one piece of jewelry I regularly have on. What would you say if your doc told you you were pregnant? Wow. A lesbian conception. A Powerful Breakthrough. Lmao jk I see myself freaking out and insisting it can’t be true. Would you keep it, abort it, or allow someone to adopt it? Keep them and either keep them for life or have them adopted. Any siblings? Yes, two of them. What are you doing tomorrow? I have class tomorrow but other than that, it’s a chill day. Tell me a story about a scar you have. When I was five, I had been riding my bike when my pinky toe got stuck in some of the gear thingos of the bike whilst it was spinning around. The wound never fully healed so it has since stayed on me as a scar. What color are your socks? I don’t have any socks on. How many cavities do you have? Zero. When's the last time you went to the zoo? Sadly I went to a zoo earlier this year. I don’t remember the exact date. I hate zoos and only went because it had been a family outing. What is your GPA? We don’t do GPAs here, and our system of grading is also different. What color do you wish your eyes were? Dark brown suits my brown skin and Filipino looks, I’m good. How long is your hair? It’s reached a little past my boobs already. What school do you go to? University of the Philippines Diliman. What are you allergic to? Chihuahuas. Can others make you cry easily? Sure. I’m a big crier. What are three things in your backpack? My notebook, a pack of Maltesers, and pencil case. Whose house did you last go to? I didn’t go inside but I dropped off my former busmate from high school, Yanna, at her place. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? Gabie gave it to me as a Christmas present three years ago. Who is your best friend? Gabie and Anj. Do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? No clue. I’m not seeing anyone and I’m not going out so I might fuck around and just pick an extremely lazy outfit. What are your favorite color(s)? Tiffany blue, pastel pink, millennial pink. Do you know anyone who lives in another state? We do provinces, not states. And yes, a whoooooole bunch of my school mates all come from different provinces. Some stay in dorms near UP for weekdays and go home to their province on the weekend; others stay in the city for an entire semester (or even a few years) and don’t get to go back to their home province at all. I’m lucky I live close to my school. Are you easily confused? No. That’s my girlfriend. What is your favorite kind of ice cream? Cookies and cream, chocolate chip, peanut butter chocolate. I also have a soft spot for cheese ice cream. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes, I’ve never dyed my hair. Who have you talked to today? Quite a lot since I did go out today. I’ve talked to my mom (through text), sister, brother, Gab, Angela, Hans, Yanna, Lex, Athenna [an (un)pleasant surprise when I unexpectedly saw her in my high school ugh], the servers at my high school bakeshop, Aya and Jo (through Facebook), and Michelle (through Twitter). How has the past week been? Meh. So uneventful. Pride was amazing though. What year was you born in? 1998. What size shoe do you wear? I can fit a 7 to 7.5. What's your bra size? LOL. If I even qualify for a bra lol jk I’m a 32AA. Would you like to be bigger or smaller? On boobs? Bigger. I don’t know what else this question can refer to. Pants size? 0. When did you first get your period? I had just turned 10.   Do you like thunderstorms? I love them, but I wish I get to stay at home more often when they happen. Do you have a bad attitude? Uhhhh as far as I know no. I used to be a nasty kid though. How do you do in school? I’m doing well. I was always a good kid; except back in elementary and high school when I didn’t care for submitting homework because I knew none of it was going to matter in college. Now that I AM in university I’m more grade-conscious than ever. Do you get in trouble a lot? No. How much do you weigh? Something like 95 lbs., I think. Last time I checked, anyway. What's the hardest class you have? Journalism ethics was a big bitch. Have you ever had a detention? We don’t have detention. Do you watch Hannah Montana? I used to. Do you smoke? No. Do you have an iPod/MP3 player? Also used to. My iPod was my best friend for soooo many years. How many aunts/uncles do you have (only your mom/dad's real siblings)? My mom has two brothers, my dad has two sisters and one brother; so that’s five aunts/uncles. Are you the first born? Yep. Are you a vegetarian? No, but I could live off of such a diet if I had to. Are you eating? Nope, just filling this out while waiting for my class to start. Gold or silver? For jewelry? Silver. When's the last time you cried? Last night. Ocean or pool? OCEAN. Or beach. Whatever natural body of water there is. For some reason I converted somewhere along my teenage years and now I’m a complete beach person. I can’t stand being in swimming pools. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl. When was the last time you went to the bathroom? An hour ago before I drove to school. Are you selfish? When it comes to my food. Have you ever seen a dead body? Only in wakes. What's the weather like right now? The sky’s color is scary and it’s getting more humid. Probably gonna rain in the next hour or so. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses. Do you have braces or a retainer? I had both, but I lost my retainers. What's the worst sickness you've ever had? Platelet loss, which landed me in the hospital. What's on your mouse pad? I don’t use a mouse pad. How many keys on your key ring? Two - car key and house key. Do you use any instant messengers? Yes, I have several. Black and white or color photos? COLOR. B&W photos drive me crazy. What color is your toothbrush? Purple. What color is your hair brush? Hahahaha I stopped combing my hair ages ago but on the rare occasion I pick it up, it’s pink. Do you dye your hair regularly? I’ve never dyed it at all. Are you shy? Very. Are you smart? I’m not gonna claim that lmao ask my friends. How many languages do you speak? Two. Do you like your handwriting? I loved it for the most part, but ever since I took down notes on my laptop, my writing has gone shittier by the day. Now I’m just kinda meh about it. McDonald’s or Burger King? Burger King. Are you a daredevil? I wouldn’t call myself that.

[kalenel]

A-Z meme

Tagged by @dreamerinsilico

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

A - Age: 34

B - Birthplace: Sacramento, CA, USA

C - Current time:8:42 PM

D - Drink you last had: just some water

E - Easiest person to talk to: my friends: Tara, @grossandinapprops and the lovely @dreamerinsilico who tagged me in this :)

F - Favorite song: Well lately, probably something off of the Hamilton recording, which I have listened obsessively to since I saw in last September. 

G - Grossest memory: One time I was walking outside barefoot in some long grass and I stepped right in a fresh pile of dog poo -- it squished up between my toes. UGHHHHHH

H - Horror yes or horror no: I don’t like torture porn, but other than that I am down with horror. I just don’t like gore. And I don’t like it when animals die!

I - In love?: I’ve come to the realization that I’ll die alone. :/

J - Jealous of people?: Not really. I’m too busy and tired to think about other people’s lives and be jealous of them. 

L - Love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Def not

M - Middle name: Ellen

N - Number of siblings: One.

O - One wish: If I actually had one wish, I would spend more time thinking about what I’d want it to be, but immediately what comes to mind is that I wish it were June/July because then all this craziness at work would be done. I’d have new crazy things, I’m sure, but the next several months are just BEASTS and I’m already SO. TIRED. :(

P - Person you called last: On an actual phone? Thai take out probably haha.

Q - Question you are always asked: I can’t really think of a question I’m always asked, but I do get a similar comment often: something about my age, about how I’m a millennial. It is usually presented as some funny joke, but it wasn’t funny the first time, and it has not gotten any sort of humor since then. 

R - Reason to smile: No travel this weekend!

S - Song you sang last:  Again, probably something from Hamilton. :)

T - Time you woke up: Initially, around 830-9. Then, after eating breakfast, I went back to sleep until 2ish?

U - Underwear colour: blue!

V - Vacation destination: A new city! I like exploring new places.

W - Worst habit: Not saying no and taking on too much. 

X - X-rays: Usual teeth x-rays and once on my wrist after my mom accidentally slammed it in the car door.

Y - Your favorite food: panang curry!

Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn!

Tagging - anyone who wants to do this (tag me if you do!  I wanna see!). Also, @grossandinapprops, @tipthewink, @finnglas, @miss-meza @hellishhurricane:)

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: Preseason GM 4 - TOR - The Olofsson Show

I don’t really know where to begin with this one. I guess until Rasmus Ristolainen is traded every postgame needs to start with updated angst meter. With Risto being on the roster last night my angst rating went from 7/10 on Friday all the way down to a 4/10 on this fine Bills Gameday. I guess it’s still preferred he moves before whatever toxic drama he experienced behind the scenes ruins the locker room dynamic after they lose a couple games in a row. I know the trade trash sites have heated up their production on him the last couple days, but I don’t let that excite me unless Tim Murray is GM, or its clear Terry Pegula is breathing down Jason’s neck about bonus money. So how about we talk about the other skaters? I think I put in my mandatory 4 sentences of Ristolainen. He landed a dirty hit on one of the Leafs top 4 defenseman? Oh well, you can’t beat the classics. Welcome to Toronto, Tyson Barrie. I’m not making an excuse for that hit. It was stupid, ugly and a little too on brand for Risto. I think the more interesting question is does this mean Risto is really going kamikaze to end his time as a Sabre? He wants to go down with some kind of ritual suicide landing the most trash hits possible. Again, painfully on brand for Risto but I think everyone who is going to like him after he leaves will no matter what and the people who aren’t going to lose any sleep about it aren’t losing any sleep about it. I didn’t lose any sleep about it, that was the hard cider.

Yeah, I saw Ad Astra during this game last night. That’s how I do preseason promise: just ignore the game. Don’t see this movie unless you like Art films. Other than the space monkeys the only thing that wasn’t artsy AF was Brad Pitt just wailing for his daddy the whole frigging movie over narration. Well anyway, I came how to Beer pong and a series of drinking games with my siblings. That was fun but uh… sorry about some of the tweets that I let out during this time. I don’t think it was the booze though that made me enjoy this game so much watching it back. The big names came out to play for the home crowd against a Leafs team of Michal Neuvirth, John Tavares, Mitch Marner and the funny name alliance of no-name prospects. Tavares scored a little ways into the first. It was just a net-front redirect but it was in that range of goals Carter Hutton could have stopped. Hutton joined Rasmus Asplund on Chad DeDominicis’s list of the only two Sabres who were outright bad in this game. I’d have to agree on at least three goals against in this game. Henri Jokiharju and Dylan Cozens got back to back starts playing in this game and nothing really jumped off the page for me in this go around for them. That said, all I did was watch the highlight packs with a slight headache, so I probably missed something. Grill me for what I miss in the comments.

The star of this show was really Sam Reinhart. That was obvious even in the highlights. A couple minutes after Tavares’s tally Sam Reinhart scored essentially the same goal from a rebound. That’s right, Sam Reinhart is our John Tavares! And he’s better than JT you know! Lol, whatever I guess we have to troll each other as fanbases whenever we play. How about we just both be good at the same time, so I don’t need to bring up the Sabres have won more playoff series since the lockout even though we haven’t made the playoffs in eight years! OH BURN! Suck on that one, T-Town! What did all you punks do while we were throwing the queen’s tea in the harbor? I’m sure you normies were sipping it hardily you cowards! Okay, enough of that. In the second period Victor Olofsson scored an Ovechkin goal uncovered in the office on a powerplay. The Leafs would tie it up again before the middle frame ended but I really want to dwell on this Olofsson goal for a minute. It was powerplay goal assisted by Jack Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin. In addition to those guys Jeff Skinner and Sam Reinhart were on the ice. Assuming Victor Olofsson does become a scorer like we hope can I submit a formal request to Ralph Krueger and the two new assistant coaches with him?  That should be a powerplay unit all season. That group consists of all the bonified scoring talents we have, and Rasmus Dahlin can play defense for the lot of them to whatever degree you need that on a powerplay. I mean, we need that because we’re the Sabres so yeah. In fact Trevor Moore would score a short-handed goal for the Leafs in the third period but not until after… the guy scored… the only guy whose worth mentioning in summer 2016: Jimmy Vesey, JV Vasectomy… uh… I’m sorry guys I think the mean nicknames bit is going to get cut before the end of Training Camp. Kinda sorry not sorry on that one.

That shorthanded Leafs goal by the way was strike two against Hutton last night. I don’t know what you expect when the Sabres are tied with the Leafs going into the last five minutes of regulation, but I normally think W. Last season beat that out of me a little bit, but I have a new hope now. Victor Olofsson scored again but this time from a Reinhart assist from behind the net. Olofsson just kinda passed it into the net. By this point I think the Leafs had Michael Hutchinson in just to remind all the Leafs fans present that this is a preseason game and even though it’s cheaper to drive all the way from Kitchener to Buffalo than to Toronto just because of ticket prices up there doesn’t mean the blue and white actually give a shit about the middle class. Olofsson is the standard bearer this year for the hopes of eternal optimists like me. If he can score just 20-30 goals this season he will be a helpful contribution. It’s guys like that coming in and adding just a little bit that makes us that much closer to a 90-point team. If Victor Olofsson wants to turn this team into the Olofsson show I’m more than pleased to cheer it on. The Leafs were bagged and this one would end 5-3 for the home team. CJ Smith would put in an empty netter in the last minute but those last seconds ticking away beating the Leafs is drained of its joy when it’s the preseason. Oh and sorry, CJ, an empty netter isn’t going to save you from cuts. I hope to see you called up, gee, I hope you survive waivers, but dude, figure it out. There are teenage Swedes whose names sound like Star Wars characters jumping you on the depth chart now. That segways nicely into cuts.

Before the unfortunately mostly rather expected cuts I want to debut a new bit. For games I’m writing up the next day, particularly ones that life stopped me from watching, I’ll be picking a reply to one of my Sabres tweets about the game for analysis. That’s right, your reply guy moment is going to find its way into New Look Sabres this season! Please contain your excitement. Our first ever Reply Guy Analysis comes from one of my most loyal followers: Jonathan who is leaning into the millennial theme with a couple snowflakes around his name @LakeEffectXJ, says: “Was fun and entertaining. A nice reminder exactly how good Olofsson’s shot is, a surprise for many how good Miller’s shot is, and we got reintroduced to how good Reinhart is and that he should be running his own line.” Thanks Jonathan, onto the cuts. Arttu Ruotsalainen saves Rob Ray and RJ from almost certainly butchering his name and gets sent back to the good old Liiga with two I’s. Everyone else cut is going to the Rochester Americans including CJ Smith and Andrew Hammond who both need to clear waivers. Hopefully both those guys do. The fun part of doing these blogs the day after is having information like this. Assuming you haven’t read the list of cuts and are too lazy to go read it now that you’ve made it this far here I’ll just list them out for you: Eric Cornell, Sean Malone, Andrew Oglevie, Kyle Olson, Kevin Porter, CJ Smith, Jacob Bryson, Casey Fitzgerald, Brandon Hickey, Zach Redmond, Devante Stephens, Andrew Hammond, Michael Houser, and Jonas Johansson. Amerks Training Camp starts Monday.

As always like, share and comment on yours truly’s special Sabres blog. Hopefully this was your break from the Bills game reading. In which case I have to warn you to not try to hold a loaded hot dog in one hand and your phone in the other. You think it’s easy but it’s not. Why ruin that nice jersey? I’ll be really honest and say I have never looked forward to a Bills game in my entire life as much as this one. I was a drought baby and a certain stinker in Jacksonville wasn’t going to get me pumped a couple years back. Anyway, I hope you come on back to read again as we have two more preseason games and the closing of Training Camp before we can actually get excited about beating teams. I think I speak for everyone when I hope we actually win enough for it to meaningful this season.

Thanks for Reading.

P.S. Moore shoving Olofsson into the Leafs bench was kinda fun I guess. Sportsnet said it led to the ensuing Leafs goal which I suppose it did but I thought taking guys out of the play was bad.

[skyskimming-blog]

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you’d like to get to know better. Tagged by @jlimrosenberg! :) A. Age:  

...34, which I wouldn’t mind if I hadn’t lost most of my 20s doing things I didn’t want to. *millennial group hug*

B. Birthplace: south east England C. Current time: not yet midnight, so I haven’t turned into a pumpkin D. Drink you last had: green tea with mint E. Easiest person(s) to talk to: That Motherfucker I’m Marrying F. Favorite song: augh...? Probably Mambo Sun by T. Rex. I’m listening to a lot of Strangelove at the moment, too, so I guess Sway has to be up there. G. Grossest memory: oooh. giving my grandfather a lung massage or accidentally treading on a slug in the kitchen? Or that one time there was a slug in the kettle? Or the cockroaches? Or the twenty slugs partying? Out of respect for my grandfather I’m going to say it involved slugs. (I once lived, for a while, in a house that should have been condemned. Actually two houses, separately. But there was wildlife in both of them. It was awful. Twice.) H. Hogwarts House: Huffleclaw, bitches. Or Ravenpuff. I can’t choose.  I. In love: With everything. And TMFIM, because they’re awesome. J. Jealous of people: no. I don’t want what other people have; I set my own goals. Sure, I get a little twinge when someone does something I’d like to do myself, but that’s theirs, not mine. K. Killed anyone: Well, there was that time I accidentally trod on the slug and felt awful about it for days...  L. Love at first sight or should I walk by again:  I mean, I made a decision, but you can walk by again, sure. I don’t mind. I’ll wait. M. Middle name: Rowan N. Number of siblings: 3, kind of O. One wish: Can I wish for infinite wishes? No? Okay. Either a lottery win, or a sustainable and comfortable income from what I love doing. Or both, I don’t mind. Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it can certainly equip you with the tools to solve most of your problems and take care of the people you love. P. Person you last called: fambly, for organising fambly stuff.  Q. Question you are always asked: “...but why?”  R. Reasons to smile: Hugging with my pups, making a difference, watching tiny plants grow, finishing things, finding the right word, jalapeños on everything, autumn rain and chills, remembering how to relax, hot chocolate and blankets, giving gifts, beautiful things in unexpected places... and so much more. It’s sad that it’s hard to remember that sometimes. S. Song you last sung: To my partner, in a Spongebob-esque voice. It was obscene, offensive and ridiculous, and accompanied by hand gestures describing what they could shove where, because we’re 12 and this is how we show affection. T. Time you woke up: 6 this morning, with my eyeballs spearfished by the sun. I need blackout curtains. U. Underwear color: black, like my shrivelled heart, and sporty like... like how I’m generally not. V. Vacation destination: holidays happen to other people, but I’m going to the woods for a month soon to stay with TMFIM. Woo!  W. Worst habit: procrastinating and beating myself up over it, so probably time management in general. I start out thinking I’m doing something good for myself by taking a break, because I have two modes - hardcore productivity and ‘off,’ which does not sit well with a chronic autoimmune disorder that involves intense fatigue - and then I freak the fuck out because I haven’t done eight million things I think I should have. I are dumb. 

X. X-rays: alll the dental x-rays. Because my teeth like the inside of my jaw so much, it’s going to have to be broken to get those bastards out. yaaaaay. Y. Your favorite food: pasta. All of the pasta. Vegan lasagna, baked ziti, mac and cheese... yes. Z. Zodiac sign: Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo asc., and both Mars and Venus in Taurus. Moooooo.

———————

Feel free to ignore, and consider yourself tagged if you want to do this! (I’m not sure who’s been tagged and who hasn’t... eep. :) )

[thelegendofclarke]

Alphabet Game!

I was tagged by @daenerya, @alystargaryen, @sansastarkthequeen, and @sansarya THANK YOU LOVELIES! ❤

a - age: 27 b - birthplace: Missouri c - current time: 4: 25 pm d - drink you had last: sweet tea e - easiest person to talk to: probably my bff who I have known basically since birth f - favorite song: right now it’s Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran g - grossest memory: when this douche canoe in my class threw a dead snake at my head while we were at camp in 6th grade h - horror yes or no:  yes! i - in love?: no j - jealous of people?: it depends on the context. I am definitely very jealous of people who have their lives together.  k - killed someone?: never on purpose l - love at first sight or should I walk past again?: walk past again. And you are also probably going to have to like, poke me or something, because I am never paying attention to anything going on.  m - middle name: Marie n - number of siblings: one little sister o - one wish: a job that doesn’t make me hate life p - person i called last: my grandma q - question you’re always asked: “how tall are you?” and “where did you go to high school?” and “what kind of law?” r - reason to smile: my puppy s - song you last sang: probably some dumb song I made up for my dog. (Which is really just me singing popular/nursery rhyme songs and changing the words)  u - underwear color: pink and navy v - vacation: New Orleans w - worst habit: omfg sooo many! Slouching, clenching my jaw, biting my nails, procrastinating, being terrible at adulting, I could go on and on.  y - your favorite food: avocado toast :) (honestly though, this place by my house has the best fucking avocado toast ever I get it like once a week... So obviously I am The Most Millennial)  z - zodiac: Aries

Tagging: @captaine-duckling, @manbunjon, @alittlestardustcaught, @the-ships-to-rule-them-all, @zoemonroe, @literrati, @clarkescrusade, @bisansastarks, @lydiia-martins, @starkandsnow, @starkroqers, @jessicallange and anyone else who wants to play! :)

[ninjacat1515]

Tagged by  @queenyasimina  Rules: repost and tag blogs you’d like to get to know better!

I tag:  @captainshadowhunter625   @piratesangel   @cheshire0824   @capitanarmandosalazar

A. Age- 29

B. Birthplace: San Francisco, California

C. Current time: 9:39pm

D. Drink you last had: Coffee! Way too much. Jitters

E. Easiest person to talk to: My best friend Claire! Known each other since Freshman year in high school. We can pretty much talk about anything.

F. Favorite song: Currently, I’d say anything by Akira Yamoaka

G. Grosset memory: Rat got in the wall, died, and then maggots appeared in the shower. I’ve also stepped in eviscerated rat guts, all thanks to the furry little wild hunter that was my dear cat Eliza. 

H. Horror yes, or horror no? HORROR YES

I. In love? Nope!

J. Jealous of people? I’m jealous of my mom’s generation. They had cheap apartments. I’m a broke Millennial that must fantasize about that kind of thing.

K. Killed someone? No, and I don’t plan on it, unless my life is threatened, or my friend’s lives are. Then it’s on, and whoever or whatever it is is getting a Godzilla smackdown.

L. Love at first sight, or should I walk by again? I need to get to really know someone before i can say that I truthfully love them.

M. Middle name: Leah

N. Number of siblings: I am an only child. Sometimes i wish i had a sibling, but then co-workers and friends who do have siblings, remind me that I’m perfectly alright as is.

O. One wish: How about 2 millions bucks? Get myself a decent 2 bedroom house on some cool property, fund my education to become a paleontologist, and travel expenses. Get my BA in art too.

P. Person you called last: My supervisor.

R. Reason to smile: Dinosaurs, my friends, nature, movies, music, coffee, chocolate, the fact the next Godzilla movie is on it’s way and I’m gonna get to see Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah in action alongside The King.

S. Song you sang last: Krusty Krab Pizza song

T. Top 3 fictional characters: Rexy (the T-rex from Jurassic Park) Heather Mason (Silent Hill 3) Hermione Granger. I have a very long list of favs though

U Underwear color: Black

V. Vacation: I want to drive all the way to Alaska

W. What’s you Birthday: February 2nd. I am in fact a Giant Groundhog in disguise

X. X-rays: None so far. Never broken a bone. And I’ve fallen down stairs, gone flying off a swingset, went ass over teakettle on a scooter. Knock on wood, my bones continue being fine.

Y. Favorite food: pasta anything. Seafood is also awesome

Z. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

[ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is]

ABC tag

Tagged by @neon-lake, thanks! 

A: Age? Old Millennial-aged

B: Birthplace? U.S (northeastern)

C: Current Time? 7:12 pm

D: Drink you last had? water

E: Easiest person to talk to? best friend, brother (different people)

F: Favorite song? Under The Milky Way by The Church

G: Grossest moment? I mean I’m an adult human, I’ve had food poisoning at some point in my life, I don’t know what you want from me.

H: Horror no or horror yes? I would say horror no but I do like horror-tinged supernatural podcasts. No to movies (Get Out excepted)

I: In love? Nope.

J: Jealous of people? Sometimes but all things considered things are pretty okay right now

K: Killed someone? No, seriously what the fuck

L: Love at first sight? I don’t think so; I think you can be interested at first sight and fall in love and later think it was love at first sight, but love takes time.

M: Middle name? Starts with R.

N: Number of siblings? 3

O: One wish? Can I combine world peace and world acceptance of science as fact? If not I guess world peace and I’ll work on the science the hard way.

P: Person you called last? My mom.

Q: Question(s) you ’re asked often? “How do I get to (place)?” Not interesting, but true.

R: Reason to smile? Cute animals, stupid puns, good sitcoms, that guy at Google getting fired today

S: Song you last sang? Daddy Lessons - Beyonce 

T: Time you woke up? 7:10 am

U: Underwear color? Patterned.

V: Vacation destination? Honestly a lot of places, I haven’t traveled much. Most of Europe? Australia and NZ? Japan? All sound pretty good.

W: Worst habit? Nail biting.

X: X-rays? Have I had them? Yes. Do I have a master’s degree in them, basically and work with them regularly? Also yes.

Y: Your favorite food? I can’t decide between sushi and tacos; depends on mood.

Z: Zodiac sign? Aquarius.

[flamboyantommo]

My favorite Philly person Lauren @hrrytomlinson tagged me to do this fun ABC challenge. I love these things, so let’s get started! 

A) Age: 26 uggghhhhh.... Only for 25 more days =(

B) Biggest fear: Drowning. So when I go swimming I always use a full mask - the one with the nose piece and goggles attached. Otherwise i’m not going under the water. 

C) Current time: 8:11 am

D) Drink you last had: Milk

E) Every day starts with: Hitting snooze 4-5 times and wishing I was rich

F) Favourite song atm: Strip That Down. Paynoooo

G) Ghosts. Are they real??: I was literally talking to my kids about this the other day, lol. But like, I don’t believe that they’re real, although other people that I’m friends with claim that their house has a spirit in it and that they’ve seen/heard it. I don’t know. I don’t think so, though. 

H) Hometown?: Wenonah. Literally nothing happens here. I feel like I write that into a lot of my stories, too, lol. 

I) In love with?: The idea of one day being fully independent and happy and not having the same worries that I do now.

J) Jealous of?: Full time teachers. And people whose fics get put on those ‘Best xx Fics I’ve ever read’ lists or are deemed as classics. 

K) Killed Someone?: On the Sims, sure. 

L) Last time you cried: Oh I don’t remember. I did tear up a little bit yesterday, though, because there was an awards ceremony at my school, and one of the teachers there was being honored because she’s retiring this year and she’s been there for 30 years. And the first graders sang some songs and dedicated one to her. It was so cute. 

M) Middle name: Krystyna (Christina) 

N) Number of siblings: Just one older brother. 

O) One wish: For Trump/Pence to no longer be in office and for someone to fix all the shit he’s fucked up so far. 

P) Person you last called/texted: Oh I texted my friend because the two of us were supposed to go to another friend’s house, and I literally forgot until it was almost time to leave. So I texted her to see if she forgot, too. She didn’t. 

Q) Questions you are always asked: How do you say/spell your name? In high school, people would always ask me if I was mixed. That was cool. And my family likes to ask if I’ve applied for any teaching jobs yet. That’s fun. 

R) Reasons to smile: Sleeping in. Having a day off from work that’s not a weekend. Concerts. New music from my favorite artists. Friends. Family. Trying new things. 

S) Song last sung: The Degrassi theme song, if that counts. If not, I can’t remember. Probably something on the radio. 

T) Time you woke up: I woke up at 7 am today. Which is super late for me. 

U) Underwear colour: Hot pink. Oooohhhh... 

V) Verse from a song you like: Once I never could hope to win / You starting down the road and leaving me again / The threats you made were meant to cut me down / And if our love was just a circus, you’d be a clown by now

W) Worst habit: I procrastinate everything. And I don’t get enough sleep. So, typical millennial, I guess. 

X) X-rays you’ve had: I’ve fractured my ankles three times in total, so all of those. And a few months ago, I had to get X-rays on my back because it was spasming so much that I couldn’t move and my dad yelled at them until they did it, lol. 

Y) Your favourite food: Mac and Cheese! 

Z) Zodiac sign: Cancer. 

To do this, I tag @louissbbtomlinson @temporaryfixlouis @louislittlefeetsies @dimpled-halo @a-writerwrites @jaerie @suddenclarityharry @twopoppies. IF you’ve already been tagged to do it, I’m sorry! 

[dofthea]

Welcome back to Top Ten Tuesday!

For those who don’t know, the Top Ten Tuesday Tag is hosted by The Broke and the Bookish.

10. Batgirl of Burnside –  Cameron Stewart

Brenden Fletcher, Jared K. Fletcher (Letterer), Maris Wicks (Colorist), Babs Tarr (Illustrator)

Batgirl of Burnside split the DC readership right down the middle. People either really liked it or they didn’t. I really enjoyed it. This version of Batgirl was marketed towards the #millennials with the narrative focusing around social media, online dating and identity. The story was small and personal, making it a nice break from the large scale narratives happening in the rest of the DCU.

The art is also worth mentioning. It’s bright, expressive and eye catching. If you’re looking for a quick fun read than I suggest you pick up this Batgirl run.

Check out our review of Volume One of Batgirl of Burnside here.

9. Watchmen – Alan Moore

When people are arguing whether comics are capital “L” literature, Watchmen is the comic that most people bring up. The first time I read this book I had a hard time getting into it, I think I was too young. When I picked it up for a university course years later I fell completely and totally in love.

Both a super hero story and a critique on the nature of superhero stories, Watchmen is beautifully put together. The twelve part follows a now disbanded team of vigilantes who are being picked off one by one by an assassin. Watchmen uses the panel structure and page layout as much as it uses dialogue and images to tell its story. Because of that Watchmen is a highly structured and stylized book.

This comic series is not perfect and I’ve been throwing around the idea of doing a series of posts analyzing it. Maybe I’ll get to it. Someday. Hopefully.

8. Batwoman – J.H. Williams III (Writer, Illustrator), W. Haden Blackman (Writer), Amy Reeder (Illustrator), Richard Friend (Illustrator), Dave Stewart (Colourist)

The art in Batwoman is breathtaking.

The series follows Kate Kane as she returns to Gotham City. Kane needs to find a way to balance her social life (a new romance) and her life as a crime fighting caped crusader. It doesn’t help that the woman that Kane is interested in also happens to be one of the police officers trying to track Batwoman down.

Volume One: Hydrology was my first ever introduction to the character and I fell in love with her instantly. A little more stylized and dreamlike than her male counterpart, Batwoman is perfect for anyone who is looking for a little bit more magic and monsters in their superhero stories.

7. Hark A Vagrant – Kate Beaton

Kate Beaton makes funny comics based off of history, literature, art, or whatever strikes her fancy. Her work never fails to make me laugh. I suggest picking up her two collections Hark a Vagrant and Step Aside Pops and binge read them. You’re going to laugh so hard it’s going to hurt.

At the time of writing this post, Beaton is on hiatus as she finishes up a graphic novel. But you can check out her comic archives on her website.

6. Hellblazer

John Constantine is a magician and a bastard and I love him.

My father introduced me to Hellblazer when I was a teenager and I started following the story religiously. His original run ended in February 2013, but since has been rebooted twice.

Constantine combines two of my greatest loves: magic and hard boiled detective fiction. This is a man that is followed by constant pain, especially when he attempts to do right by others. His past is always coming back to haunt him. Hellblazer is able to walk the line between the superhero story and the cosmic horror story.

My favourite issue of Hellblazer “On the Beach” can be found in the Volume 2: The Devil You Know. In it, Constantine tries to spend a relaxing day at the beach, but things go from wrong to weird when a nearby nuclear plant goes critical…

5. Locke and Key – Joe Hill & Gabriel Rodríguez

I discovered Locke and Key after reading Joe Hill’s novel Horns. Locke and Key follows three siblings who move into an old house after the death of their father. In the house they discover magical keys that do different things and can give them different abilities. They also discover that their family’s past might be a little darker than they ever imagined. Locke and Key is both a heartfelt story about growing up and the loss of innocence. It’s also really creepy.

If you’re a fan of dark fantasy, then this might be your cup of tea. The story starts out strong and has one of the most satisfying conclusions I have ever come across for a comic. The art is pretty rad as well.

Locke and Key is supposedly being adapted into a film trilogy, so here’d hoping that actually happens.

4. The Mighty Thor – Jason Aaron (Writer), Russell Dauterman (Illustrator), Jorge Molina(Illustrator)

Thor is no longer worthy and cannot bare Mjölnir. But, when the Frost Giants invade earth an  unknown woman takes up the hammer to defend humanity. Who is this new Thor? Not only does she have to defend the earth from the usual rogue gallery, but from Odin who is insulted by her existence.

The female run of Thor has been a lot of fun. I was originally worried that this was going to be a short lived gimmick and I’m glad to see that I was wrong. At the time of writing this post our Lady Goddess is still going strong.

Check out our reviews for The Goddess of Thunder, Who Holds the Hammer and Thunder in Her Veins.

3. Rat Queens – Kurtis J. Wiebe

Rat Queens follows four badass female adventurers living in a fantasy world. They’re crude, they’re hysterical and they feel like they’re your best friends.

The series has been rocked by controversy when it came out that artist and Rat Queens co-creator Roc Upchurch was arrests for domestic abuse against his wife. Which was then followed up by a weak self destruction of a third story arc.

Creator Kurtis J. Wiebe is rebooting the series. So hopefully good things will be in the future for our favourite adventurers. I’m hopeful. I miss them.

Check out our reviews of Volumes One & Two and Volume Three

2. Monstress – Marjorie M. Liu (Writer), Sana Takeda (Artist), Rus Wooton (Letterer)

Monstress manages to combine mythology, steampunk and cosmic horror wrapped up in a beautiful art deco style.  Every single panel in this book could be framed and hung on a wall.

The comic follows Maika, as she tries to solve the mystery of her past and the connection she possesses with a demonic force. In the first volume, Monstress hints at a grand story set against a complicated world. This is one of those books that the less you know, the more fun you will have reading it. So check it out, you won’t be disappointed.

Check out our review of Monstress here.

1.  Sandman – Neil Gaiman

Sandman was the comic that made me love comics again. With Sandman, Neil Gaiman blends mythology, superheroes, literature and religion into a complicated and beautiful story. Sandman follows Morpheus the Lord of Dreams, who at the beginning of the narrative has been captured by a cult who had laid a trap for Death. As the series progresses, Morpheus has to come to terms with his past decisions, the changing world around him and most importantly himself.

The art of Sandman varies from issue to issue which helps add to it’s dreamlike quality.

Sandman is my favourite comic of all time, but if I had to choose one issue to focus on it would be Desire from The Endless Nights mini series. It’s beautiful and bittersweet and gets to me every time I read it.

This list was long overdue, but a lot of fun to put together. I love comics and am always looking for new series to follow! if you have any to recommend send them my way. But until next time and next Tuesday (whenever that is) happy reading!