#meanwhile Mister Fires was right there

[mourningcandles]

it's important to remember that platonic relationships can be just as impactful as romantic relationships. this will help you take full advantage of all potential relationship drama in your writing.

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

New Face (11th Doctor x Timelord!Reader)

watch me make a series out of a oneshot that was very much not meant to be a series— anyway, one david tennant hyperfixation led to another and now I'm rewatching Matt Smith's run as The Doctor and you know what that means!

Also requests are open!

Wordcount: 1.4k

Series masterpost

Summery: a new face a new doctor and the start of a new adventure with a lovely little girl who just wants a ride in a time machine.

Things change quickly with the Doctor. You knew that well.

One moment you're comforting the face that rescued you the next you're putting out fires around the Tardis as it wildly flies over the skies of London.

"A little help over here!" The Doctor cried, he's barely holding onto the edge of the Tardis, his body hanging out through the front doors. His new voice is higher than the one you knew.

"In a minute love!" You yell back, there was no other option than yelling over the explosions of the console and the many alarms going off.

Another explosion rocked the Tardis and the Doctor manages to pull himself up as you adjust the angle at which the Tardis is basically crashing towards the ground. There's no other option but to crash so you tried to crash in the least horrific way you could.

The thing is, you crash sideways, tipping you and the Doctor deep into the Tardis.

"Oh for fucksake—" You said as you landed against one of the couches in the library. "Oi! Language!" The doctor chided. He had the luck of landing with a big splash in the swimming pool that for some reason was in the library.

"Since when do you care about about language?" You asked him, helping him out of the pool.

"Since now evidently" He said and started looking around for ways to get out.

You handed him a grappling line.

"Care to do the honors?" You asked and he smiled, launching it as far as he could and when he felt it was stable he began to climb up.

When he finally made it to the Tardis doors you heard him talking to someone. You hadn't the faintest clue as to who.

"Love, make some room!" You called from below him and he climbed onto the Tardis, looking down.

"Woah, look at that" He said in awe as he looked at the Tardis. It was quite a view though you would have appreciated a hand as you climbed up to join him.

That's when you saw the little girl standing beside the Tardis in her nightie and bright bright red boots that matched her bright red hair. Well not really red. Human red, which was more of a copper.

"Hello there" You said, wiping the sweat from your brow.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Just had a fall, all the way down there right to the library. Hell of a climb back up" The Doctor told her.

"You're soaking wet" The little girl said.

"He landed in the swimming pool" You added.

She turned to look at the Doctor, "You said you were in the library".

"So was the swimming pool" He answered.

She looked a bit confused but quickly kept the questions coming.

"Are you a policeman?" She asked.

"Why? Did you call a policeman?" The Doctor asked, meanwhile you climbed down from the Tardis and onto the ground, inspecting the crash site.

"Did you come about the crack in my wall?" The little girl asked.

"What crack—" The Doctor started but he fell, clutching his chest as he groaned in pain.

You weren't worried. He was still coming off of his regeneration meaning he was practically invincible.

"Are you okay mister?" The little girl asked.

"I'm fine, it's okay, this is all perfectly normal" He said, some fleck of regeneration energy floating out of his mouth.

You turned back to the Doctor and the little girl, content with you assessments of the crash site.

"I'm sorry, we seem to have crashed into your shed" You said to the little girl and she looked between you and the Doctor.

"Who are you?" She asked and you smiled, leaning down to be at her eye level.

"My name is Y/N and he" You said, pointing at your lover who was currently watching the regeneration energy still filling his hands "-is The Doctor."

The Doctor got his bearings, or at least tried to, coming up beside you. "Does it scare you?" He asked.

"Does what scare me?" She asked.

"The crack in your wall, does it scare you?" He repeated.

"Yes" She answered, almost shyly.

This excited him. "Well then, no time to lose. Like he said I'm The Doctor, do everything I tell you, don't ask stupid questions and don't wander off" He said confidently and started walking.

"Love" You said and he turned his head back to face you, causing him to walk straight into the tree you wanted to warn him about.

The little girl walked over to him where he was just lying on the ground.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Early days" He said, "Steering's a bit off plus he distacted me" he said, pointing at you.

With a roll of your eyes you went over to help him up.

"You really should sit down and eat something love, you're running on fumes" You told him and shrugged.

"I'll be fine" He said and you sighed, turning to the little girl.

"Can you do me a favor and get him something to eat? Maybe then the two of you can have a look at that scary crack in your wall" You suggested and she nodded, you gave her The Doctor's hand and told her to be careful with him cause he's very iratible right now and he complained as the little girl walked with him into the house and you stayed outside with the Tardis.

You had a feeling this would be a regular thing with this new Doctor. You cleaning up after him.

You could already see so many differences between his old self and this new one.

Besides the obvious physical difference this new body was much more wild. He was already all over the place much more than your old Doctor. But he was also charming. You were sure you'd love him just as much once he figured himself out a bit more, after all he did the same for you.

All that time ago when you promised you would never leave him, when you told you loved him, when you stayed by his side even as the power of a sun was burning through his body. You stayed with him and regenerated and he helped you. He carefully picked you up and placed you back in the medbay of the ship you were on and when you woke up he helped you get accustomed to your new body and he kept loving you just like he did before. So you would do the same.

You checked the grappling line and when you were sure it would hold you went back into the Tardis.

nothing in the console room was on fire anymore which was good. You went one by one checking the systems and resetting what needed it. That is until the ringing started.

you hadn't actually gotten to checking the engines yet. The ringing was coming from the engines.

"No, no, no, no, no— Come on!" You cried as you tried to settle them.

"Just calm down a bit will you?" You tried to ask the Tardis but she wasn't having it.

"Y/N! What's going on in there?" The Doctor hollered as he ran out of the house.

"She's throwing a tantrum!" You yelled through the open Tardis doors.

"It's just a box, how can a box be throwing a tantrum?" The little girl said. You still didn't know her name.

"Not a box, it's a time machine" The Doctor said.

"What, a real one?" she asked, you popped your head out of the Tardis just enough to look at them.

"Doctor come on!" You said, popping back into the console room.

"Five minute hop into the future should do it" The Doctor said, climbing onto the Tardis.

"Can I come?" The girl asked.

"Not safe in here, five minutes, give me five minutes, I'll be right back" He said.

"People always say that" She said and the Doctor stopped, he climbed back down to the ground and kneeled in front of the little girl.

"Am I people?" He asked, "Do I even look like people? Trust me, I'm the Doctor" He said.

He climbed back onto the Tardis, gave the girl one last look and jumped in, "Geronimo!"

With him inside the ringing finally stopped.

"There you go, you just don't like it when Y/N drives" The Doctor cooed at the console.

You rolled your eyes.

"Doctor" You asked, "What did you tell that little girl?"

"I told her we'd be back in five minutes" He said, running around the console, hitting buttons and turning switches.

"Did you get her name?" You asked and he smiled.

"Yes! Amelia Pond! Brilliant name isn't it? Amelia Pond"

[gojoidyll]

Infinity

Yandere ! Gojo Satoru x Female ! Reader

Part 26 | quelled fears

Summary | And I'd choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I'd find you and I'd choose you.

Infinity Masterlist

“Will he really be ok?”

Her voice rung out as she watched Itadori leave with Nanami, Gojo stood next to her silently with that same charming smile on his, “he’ll be fine. He’s a tough kid.”

“If you say so…,” she muttered. Truth be told, she was still worried.

“Now,” Gojo exclaimed as he clapped his hands together, “what should we do for the rest of the day.”

She smiled and quirked an eyebrow up, “don’t we have classes to teach?”

He pouted instantly, “why can’t we just ditch it and go on a date instead?”

“Because I don’t want to get fired,” she answered as she grabbed his hand and started to tug him along. Gojo scoffed in response, “please, they will be insane if they let someone like you go.”

Laughing at his words, she pulled him close so he was walking right next to her, “whatever you say, Satoru.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his smile grow bigger, “something funny, mister?”

He shook his head, “not at all, I just like it when you say my name.”

She rolled her eyes, “you’re so weird sometimes. Now, come on before our students miss us.”

“You two are so late.”

Y/n smiled sheepishly as Nobara glared at both y/n and Gojo, “listen, I know you two are all lovey dovey now, but my time is precious!”

Fushiguro stood idly next to her, not much caring for the tardiness as he was already used to it.

“Right, sorry,” y/n said, “we were just meeting up with another sorcerer was all.”

Nobara rolled her eyes, “we’re not little kids, you know? You don’t have to use excuses when you really lost time because you were making out with one another-“

“Kugisaki,” y/n said exasperated.

Meanwhile, Gojo was pouting in the corner. Honestly, making out with y/n and being late would have been a whole lot better than meeting up with Nanami.

“Whatever, so what are we doing today?”

Y/n looked over to Gojo, but he was still pouting causing Kugisaki to angrily march over to him, “hey! We’re talking to you!”

“No need to get impatient,” he said as he raised both of his hands in defense.

“Then tell us what we’re doing-“

“You’re training with the second years!”

Gojo said it excitedly as he clapped his hands together. And as expected… there was no excited reaction to follow suit.

“Where’s the enthusiasm?! You two should be excited!”

“Why are we training with them?”

Gojo grinned and looked to Fushiguro who already pieced together what was happening.

“Is it to go up against the other school?”

“Correct! Two points to Megumi!”

Y/n laughed to herself as she thought back to her own school days as Gojo explained to a confused Nobara about what was going to go down. Going up against the sister school was always fun!

“Ok… so we basically need to kick their ass, right?”

“Bingo! Two points to Nobara! Now, you are currently set to meet up with the second tomorrow at the training field. Which concludes our lesson for the-“

“But we didn’t do anything-“

“Our job here is done!”

Gojo was quick to grab a hold of y/n as he gave his two students a little wave before teleporting away.

“That jerk,” Nobara huffed.

Meanwhile, y/n was gripping onto the front of Gojo’s shirt tightly when he teleported them both to his apartment.

“Satoru,” she whined.

“Sorry, sorry. I couldn’t resist,” he said as he held her close.

She looked up at him, “at least warn me next- mmph!”

He cut her off instantly by pressing his lips hard against her own. And he didn’t let up. Anytime he pulled back to get a breath in, he was already diving back in to kiss her. His lips simply devouring her as he refused to let her go from his hold.

“Satour,” she managed to say between his searing lips, “what’s gotten into you?”

“Just wanting to be late because we’re making out,” he said simply, his lips molding into her own. And when he bit into your bottom lip, his teeth snagging on the flesh as he gave it a gentle tug, she whimpered causing him to move forward a bit in search of something. It wasn’t until she felt her back press hard against the hallway wall that he found what he was looking for. His hands moving down to grip her hips, “jump,” he muttered letting go of her lip.

She wanted to do as he said, but her legs felt wobbly. Her grip on his forearms could only tighten as he smirked. So, with controlled ease, he lifted her up.

“A few kisses got you weak in the knees,” he teased as she wrapped her legs around his waist, “how adorable.”

His teasing words didn’t last long as he slotted his lips with hers again. His teeth biting at her lips again as she got the silent message and opened her mouth. Her movements were a little hesitant, scared, but he was quick to quell her fears when he shoved his tongue into her mouth.

He didn’t like the closeness she had with Nanami.

He didn’t like Sukuna’s continual taunts and blatant remarks.

He especially didn’t like the fact that there was a possibility that y/n could remember everything.

And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not right now, at least. Not when he finally has some time with her away from everyone else and no one to interrupt.

“S- satoru,” she moaned his name out when he pulled away from her slightly. Their mouths still so close together as their breaths mixed and a single string of saliva connected them.

“Again. Say my name like that again.”

And who knows, maybe she’ll quell his own fears too by saying his name just like that.

[drefear]

Sister's Mister

Summary: You and your sister are having issues now that Miguel and her are official. Your friends have some opinions, and things finally get heated.

TW: drinking, heartbreak, cheating, family issues.

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4

Peter had begun bringing Miguel around more and more, to whom the only person who seemed to dislike this was Miles, but they didn’t interact much. Miles always just kept Gwen close by when Miguel was around, not trusting him around his girlfriend. 

Something about Miguel made MIles uncomfortable, and he tried to tell both you and your sister, but it was no use. Your sister was in love, and you were too visceral to everything now to even comprehend what he was saying. The situation had made you into a shell of who you were. 

One person who found this all very entertaining?

Hobie Fucking Brown. 

Hobie saw you in that nightclub and knew you were the one Miguel had mumbled to him about a few times while he was drunk. Hobie and Peter took Miguel, Jess, and Lyla out a few times since they’d all become friends freshman year and got them all drunk. 

But in the recent few months since Miguel’s summer classes started, he would mumble about some girl under his breath when he was drunk, talk about her like she was a figment of his imagination. 

When Hobie saw you sitting alone in the nightclub, sipping your drink and awkwardly looking around as if searching for an escape route, he knew you were the one Miguel was fixated on. But the poor big bastard was too busy grinding on a girl who could be mistaken for a hooker, so much caked on lipstick and ass almost hanging out. 

Chaos was Hobie’s specialty and when he started dancing with you, he saw a crimson fire burn in Miguel’s eyes. Over your shoulder, he kept winking at the larger of the two, seeing something itch Miguel on the inside of his throat, giving Hobie the idea that he was in for it once they spoke again. 

And then the floozy was dragging Miguel over to you and Hobbie, and this made the alternative boy smile. How perfectly everything was falling into place. 

Hobie pulled you closer, something that had gone unnoticed by the females of the group and had Miguel’s hand almost twitching. 

Weeks had gone by, then he saw you at that party and heard you drunkenly venting. 

“Big and fuckin… stupid, ya know, Gweny? And like… my sister tells me about the sex, Gwen, the sex!” You were barely coherent as you rambled and this made Hobie laugh. He walked off to find his own fling of the night and a few hours later, he saw the big guy carrying out your passed-out body. 

The next day was the pool party and after the heat interaction between you and Miguel, he clapped his hands and laughed. 

“Time for grub, innit? How bout the food now?” He stood and walked to Peter, who hurriedly started passing out food. 

He just sat back and watched, waiting to interfere when he might be needed most, which he had a feeling would be soon. 

Meanwhile, Miguel walked around and finally found Gianna in the upstairs bedroom. 

“Gianna?” He asked and she turned, hugging him. 

“There you are, Miggy! Did you two talk? She still seems really mad.” Gianna bat her eyes and poured a bit, and Miguel felt sick to his stomach. The guilt of wanting you made his mouth dry and his hands freeze. 

“We need to talk.” He took her hand and led her to Mile’s living room. 

“Oh my god.” She covered her mouth and sat down, moving away from him a little. “I guess this was inevitable.” She let her shoulders sag and stared at the ground. 

“Well, I don’t think I’d say it was inevitable. It just started before us, and if I never-“ he looked up once her heard her crying, big tears streaming down her face as she hiccuped a bit. 

“I’m so sorry, Miguel. It’s just- I couldn’t help it!” She gasped and Miguel stopped dead in his tracks. What?

“What are you talking about?” He leaned backwards, frowning a bit. 

“This is about me and my ex, right?” She looked up, eyes glassy and red from crying now. Miguel stood up and furrowed his brows. 

“This- I didn’t even know… did you cheat on me?” The words felt sour in his mouth and like razors on his lips. He stepped backwards and watched as she stood up, reaching towards him. He moved from her hand and glared at the girl. 

“I thought you already knew, wasn’t that what you wanted to talk about?” She looked up to him in shame, then squeezed her eyes shut. “It wasn’t anything much, just a hookup.” 

“I came out here to tell you this wasn’t working because I want someone else.” He blurted out and a hurt expression flashed across Gianna’s face. 

“Who?” 

“Does it even matter now? You’re the one who cheated, I was going to cut things off before anything happened with her.” He started walking away from her. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To go fuck someone else, so I don’t have your taste in my mouth anymore.” He growled and stormed out. He needed to find you. Now. 

But you went home. You snuck out of the bathroom and went home, too embarrassed and hurt to see everyone again. 

How could you face your sister? Ben? Miles and Gwen? Everything was so screwed up, so messy now and you didn’t want to deal with it. You drove home and locked yourself in your bedroom, afraid of the world. 

Days had passed and it was the last class of the semester. You’d been watching your classes online so you didn’t have to leave your house, wanting to avoid everyone and everything. The only time you had to see anyone is when you had to eat, but your mom mainly brought your food to your bedroom. 

Walking onto campus, the sun beat down on you so hard and blinded you behind your sunglasses. You hurried into the lecture hall and bent your head down behind your laptop screen. You needed this final grade, it was an important class for you, but there was only one issue.

A looming presence made you scrunch your eyes shut and curl over your computer more. 

“We need to talk-“

“Class is starting.” You cut him off and fixed the darkened lenses on your nose. 

“Fine.” He yanked out the chair beside you and plopped himself down, leaning back and folding his arms over his chest. 

“That’s not what I meant.” You sighed, giving up and letting him sit there. “Did you study?”

“No.” He answered, as if your question was stupid, “Did you?” 

“I tried, but I couldn't focus.” You slumped, to which Miguel bit his lip. He felt responsible for your distractions. 

“Cheat off of me, then.” 

“What?” You blinked in surprise, uncomfortable with how this sentence made your morality feel. 

“It’s the final, and you know your shit, so if you need to look over to me at any point, just check your answer. I know I’m gonna get an A anyway, this is my whole job.” He rolled his eyes and scooted closer to you, making you suddenly very conscious of the heat of his body near yours and how you looked. 

“F-Fine, but only if I need to, ok?” You stuttered and looked away from him. 

“Only if you promise to talk to me after.” He raised a brow and practically trapped you with just the look in his eyes. 

“Ok, but not here. We’ll get food or something.” You stammered nervously and heard the professor start talking. 

An hour and a half later, you finally finished the test, only glancing at Miguel once through the whole test. A lot of the source material came back to you every time you read the question, only one part stumping you briefly before Miguel held up three fingers and instructed you that it was the third option. 

Walking back out into the sunlight, Miguel grabbed your jean loop and stopped you from running away. “We’re taking my car, since you’re basically an escape artist.” You gulped, seeing how intent he was with speaking with you seriously. Every bone in your body was hesitant and afraid of what he might say, you knew him and Gianna broke up shortly after the fight you had with him and your bathroom excursion. She didn’t want to talk about it, and you didn’t particularly want to talk to her. Everytime you two even made eye contact, bile rose in your esophagus and you choked on the stifling shame of how you felt for her ex-boyfriend. 

Miguel followed you to his car and had you in the front as you watched everything pass by, thinking about how badly life had crumbled the past few weeks. 

Miguel’s hand gripped the steering wheel tighter as he saw you so quiet and upset. He hated this side of you, sad and hurt, but it seemed that this was the only side he brought out of you. 

He finally parked after the silent ride and walked around to get the door for you, waiting for you to jump out and also grabbing the door for you as you both entered the coffee shop. You’d never noticed him being a gentleman before, maybe because you’d never even given him the chance. 

You sat at a table inside and leaned on the wall beside you, too tired to even sit upright. He stood on the line and ordered coffee for you both, as well as a breakfast sandwich. You stared at his tall frame as he took the seat in front of you and sighed. 

“We should get some things out of the way.” He started and you nodded quietly. “I’ll begin with what happened . Your sister and I broke up because she cheated on me and I like you.” 

He spoke like this was obvious but your eyes widened in shock. 

“She cheated? With who?” 

“Some guy in her honors biology class. It wasn’t a big deal, we weren’t that serious and it was only two months.” He shrugged, sipping his black coffee as you milked yours with sugar and cream. 

“But still…” You trailed off and bit your lip. You felt his hurt, but he seemed so indifferent that it made you think again and then remember what else he said. “You like me?” 

His eyes found yours and he nodded.  “I liked you before I knew her, I’ve thought about you since the summer classes started.” He rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip, like he was thinking, and the movement had you mesmerized. “Never knew your name, and when I met Gianna, I liked her because she resembled you, but then I was always around you and I would get angry and bitter because I had gotten so close, yet it wasn’t you.” Miguel rambled, running a hand through his brown hair and sighing in frustration from trying to explain his emotions. You grabbed the hand from his hair before you even realized what you were doing and held it on your own, then dropping it and blushing. 

“I uh-” 

Without waiting for your response, he grabbed that hand again and held it. You sat in silence for a second and stared at where your bodies now met. “You run through my mind like you have no idea.” his hand brushed yours once more and you realized something. 

“You were the one who helped me when I was drunk at Miles’s party.” 

“Yeah.” He nodded, smiling a little. 

You two sat there for hours, talking and laughing as you shared stories and feelings, as if a weight was lifted from both of your shoulders and you could be open to the other now. 

As you threw your head back from laughter to something he said, you heard someone call your name from behind you as you turned and met the eyes of the one person who wouldn’t understand. You both froze, fear chilling the entire area around you all. 

“Gianna?”

Tags: @ihateuguys @spontaneousleo @ginger23 @y2cade @alex110370000 @winteringfalls @neverlandlostchild @haileycannotcometothephonern @loser-alert @idk-sam@bunnyrose01 @minalovesyoubabes @thedevax @arquiiva @freehentai @vonev @rue-ting @darkfairy102190 @iamv1n @teresalesbian @killykstudio @topreice @artyanimi@hrlzy @mikotoguilty @ceoofmiguel @jotarossshark @i-want-to-be-your-dreamgirl @arquiiva @loonalockley @spiderwriter2099 @mikotoguilty @scaleniusrm @angel-xx-1 @siidmm @tayleighuh @zaunsin @imheretoread @lazyotakuofficial @callmeurslxt-pls @angelaut0matec @vonev

Tags haven't been working, please turn on notifications if you like my stories!

[ethicaltreatmentofcowplants]

Lee is having quite the time of it. A seagull flew all the way inland to leave him a calling card, but he also has the whim to become disliked by Forest. They do say to start with one small, achievable goal…

In a belated fit of teenaged rebellion, Giovanna has decided that not only will she repair just the one sink - but she’s not even going to clean up after herself! What you gonna do about it, huh?

Eventually out of everyone, it’s Lee who takes care of the task. In perhaps a fit of ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend,’ he’s been buddying up with an earlier victim of Forest’s meanness, Sage, and is even attempting to educate himself on her unlife state.

(Although now that I take a closer look at his face, he may actually be scheming up... something. So far everything he may or may not be plotting has failed out of sheer incompetence, so if I were Sage, I wouldn't be too worried.)

Forest has made a frien - sorry, minion - Baarry White.

LMAO he really said “fan service? Well, here you go!”

After his no good, very bad day, Lee heads upstairs for a nice relaxing bubble bath - only to end up on the verge of hysteria and have the Watcher force him to talk himself down in front of the mirror, lest he join Sage in an unalive state.

Sorry, Sage, you're still on cooking. What's on the menu? Well...

And as the rest of the team gathers around and waits for a totally normal, not suspicious at all dinner, someone’s luck has officially run out.

Not quite sure why you’re laughing, Forest - you didn’t get away with shit, and now your friendship level has made like Ronaldo and taken a dive. Lee meanwhile looks... kind of surprised that someone actually stepped up for him 😥

In spite of Forest being thwarted, there’s an ominous feeling in the air. Lilac’s not quite sure when, nor how, but she has a sense that something is about to go badly wrong - and soon.

Sure enough, Sage lets me know just what she thinks about her chore assignment of the day right there. 

At this point I’m thinking that she’d happily let herself burn if it meant that she was off dinner for the rest of the night. Fortunately Tiago and Mister are on the case, and receive both a confident moodlet and their charisma cheated up one level accordingly.

Okay Lilac, once more you’re taking over. Aaaand her fear of fire has returned. Stellar work, Sage 👍

Outside Lee (who was practicing yoga and managed to avoid the fire) is surprisingly supportive of Sage and Giovanna - or at least acting as much - but it’s Mister who receives a hug of gratitude.

Those may look like normal eggs, but as you may have guessed, they’re not.

Why so dubious, Giovanna? This is going to be great.

Negl, I feel kind of bad for Sage here. She is really having a Day. Almost considered cancelling her queue to eat the eggs - almost.

Dig in everyone - the fun is just beginning!

@riverofjazzsims @ravingsockmonkey @fl0pera

@igglemouse @panicsimss @simsfvr

(smol part iii coming soon, fml lol)

[quitealotofsodapop]

"The Monkey King and the Infant" details Part 3 - and likely last for now before I go on Spoiler lockdown so I can write:

links to Part 1 and Part 2:

The Jade Emperor sees/is aware of the canon Monkie Kid series. He thinks the whole situation as a big waste of time. So... remove Monkie Kid = no Monkie Kid series, Monkey King stays retired, and less of a headache for the big man up top. Win win.

The Jade Emperor shows Sun Wukong visions of the worst parts on the series inc; LBD's return, the Samadhi fire being reignited, The Jade Emperor's death and the potential breakdown of the universe etc... This is also how SW learns on accident that Macaque is alive again.

Internally SW is very conflicted cus... the universe might end? But more importantly he might actually die? But also consider; Free Son and a return to his beloved.

Other characters occassionally get tormented by visions of canon events/death omens - likely a side effect of the altered timeline, or the Jade Emperor subtly trying to turn them against one another.

Erlang and various other mythos characters show up. Erlang is tasked with ensuring that SW destroyed MK's egg, but is knocked out by Moksha (on command of Guanyin) to give SW a chance to reconsider. In the egg's place, Erlang found a "shell" of obsidian. This isn't enough to convince Erlang... but it's enough to convince the Jade Emperor and the few members of the Celestial Court who knew about the Egg that the task had been completed. Erlang is sussing SW hard for this... but wants to see what the big deal is with the undercooked Stone Monkey before he says anything.

Moksha is acting as Sun Wukong's parole officer as a "Sorry I bonked you" favor to Erlang. Shows up in glamour at Pigsy's as customer to keep an eye on things. Big shipper under her no-crap cop attitude.

Guanyin herself is Very Against the idea of scrambling MK (Mercy personified yo). But she doesn't appear physically, meaning that not even the Jade Emperor knows that she techincally betrayed Heaven.

Nicknames/familial titles MK calls his fam through out the story:

Sun Wukong = "Dad" "Baba" "Baba Wu" Macaque = "Mom" "Bama" "Baba Mihou" "Mama" (when he was really young) Pigsy = "Dadsy" "Pops" "Boss" (at work) Tang = "Papa Tang" "Pama" (verbal slip as a toddler that stuck) Sandy = "Shúshu/Uncle" Mei = "Meimei" " (little sister - techically she's older but the title is also a pun on her name) Nezha = "Tánggē" "Gege" (grew up thinking Nezha was an older cousin)

When it comes to finally training MK when he comes of age; Sun pulls a "Lego Batman and Bruce Wayne" - hoping that by separating the personas, he'll be able to reach MK better as a teacher. And MK 100% falls for it. Cus "The Monkey King" and his dorky "Dad" are two completely different guys! Right?

Macaque meanwhile has a very different style of teaching:

Macaque, in his series outfit, manifesting from the shadows: "MK, we need to talk about-" MK, battlemode: "AH! THE SIX EARED MACAQUE!" Macaque: "I'M LITERALLY YOUR OWN MOTHER! YOU PUT THAT STAFF DOWN THIS INSTANT MISTER!" MK: "yes sir"

This leads to a funny misunderstanding later on when he sees Macaque and The Monkey King interact during training:

MK: "Wait... if my mom is the Six Eared Macaque... and I've got Monkey King's powers..." MK: *"GASP!"* MK: "MOM!? Did you you cheat on Dad with The Monkey King!?" Macaque: "...really???" SW: *laughing his ass off*

Ok imma punch out and try to finish the first chapter. Will probably post a spotify mix soon. Pls tag or reply, or ask if you got any thoughts/questions. I love feedback!

[princessimotep]

Tienes Mi Corazón - Chapter 3

One week had passed since Miriam had joined the Van Der Linde camp. The women of the gang had been particularly kind to the young woman, making sure she settled in. However, that was thing. She hadn’t settled in. The entire time she had remained quiet, not uttering a single word to anyone. Javier hadn’t been round to check in on her due to mission arrangements which required him to be out of camp for a long while. Although the young woman was quiet, she still completed whatever chores needed doing by Miss Grimshaw. She did them promptly and efficiently which immediately put her into the older woman’s good books. Half of the reason being, Miriam wished to pay the gang back for their kindness for taking her in and the other half being she wished to finish her day early so she could wander off somewhere just outside of camp to read. That was something she and Mary-Beth had in common. Mary-Beth kindly let Miriam borrow her books and she had finished reading almost all of them. Both Mary-Beth and Sadie were the most understanding of all.

It was late afternoon and the sun scorched brightly down through the trees which Miriam escaped to. She pressed her back against one notably large tree and slid down it, sitting silently in the shade. The way the rays beamed down through the foliage, it cast a mystical light onto the book she pulled out. Finding the page she was last reading, she sighed quietly. Not out of content but out of longing. Longing to find true peace in her situation… and to see her rescuer again.

Meanwhile, back in camp, a familiar grey overo steed trotted into camp with his loyal rider aboard. Dutch looked past Miss Grimshaw and Hosea who were conversing with him about the new girl. “Speaking of the man… Javier!” Dutch exclaimed, holding his hand up to greet him. Javier jumped down and hitched Boaz to the post. The younger male nodded to his leader.

“Yes, boss?” Dutch signalled the man over. “What’s the problem?”

“Before we get into that, how did it go?” Javier shrugged, pulling out a cigarette. He swiped a match against his boot to light it up. Flicking the match’s fire away, he breathed in the fumes before letting out a long, relaxed exhale.

“As good as it could, boss.” He then hummed in realisation, holding up his index finger. He twisted round his body to reach into his back pocket. The result being a wad of cash. Javier walked over to the cash box, placing the gang’s share inside and then pocketing his cut inside his inner jacket pocket. Dutch chuckled proudly.

“Well done my boy.” Miss Grimshaw sighed.

“Yes, yes. Well done, Mister Escuella. Now onto newer matters.” She exerted. Grimshaw held out her hands to get the younger male’s focus. “It’s Miss Miriam.” She now had Javier’s undivided attention.

“What about her?” He quickly responded, a slight hint of concern in his voice.

“She hasn’t spoken a single word since she’s been here!”

“Maybe… she’s just quiet?” Grimshaw tutted at Javier.

“It’s not just that. She hardly touches her food, despite Mr Pearson’s best efforts. She leaves the safety of the camp and goes, God knows where!” Seeing Grimshaw go a little red in the face, Hosea takes over.

“What we mean to say, Javier is…” Hosea places his hand on Javier’s shoulder, getting him to take a couple steps away from Dutch’s tent. “We’re concerned about the girl. We don’t know who she is, or where she’s from. It’s making it harder for us to help resolve her situation. And certainly, her not eating… well, we don’t want the poor girl to starve.”

“And where do I come into this?” Hosea gave Javier a knowing smile.

“She’s sweet on you.” Javier froze, caught off guard for a split second.

“Miss Miriam has only talked to you since being with us.” Grimshaw followed and Hosea once more continued on.

“She looks around camp for you, like a lost puppy. So, we think it’s only right that… you give her some company.”

“Company?” Javier quizzed.

“Just spend some time with her and… well maybe she’ll start to feel more comfortable in camp. Shed some light on who she is and how we can help her.” Javier thought about it and it did not take him long to nod. His thoughts still captivated by what Hosea stated earlier about Miriam being sweet on him.

“Sure.”

“Then it’s settled.” Dutch ended the discussion, calling Hosea back over to discuss future plans and waving away Miss Grimshaw. Javier strutted back to his tent, removing his denim jacket, and placing it on his bedding. He rolled his shoulders back until he heard a satisfying crack before finding his hat. Cigarette still in his mouth, he pushed the head piece firmly upon his head and looked around for where Miriam might be. Remembering the information Grimshaw gave him, he suspected she would be on the outskirts of camp, or at least not too far from it. He made his way through the trees.

Whisps of paper turning over soothed Miriam’s ears. The crisp freshness of a page gave an odd delight to the young woman. It helped her to feel immersed into the story she was reading. Currently her mind was in a realm of dragons who fought against brave knights to save their fair maidens whom were kidnapped beyond the charred lands. She smiled deeply at the paragraph before her, detailing how one of the knights looked down at a handkerchief his lover had given him before she was taken; for it reminded him of her and how he would stop at nothing until she was back in his arms.

“Así que aquí es donde te has estado escondiendo.” (“So this is where you’ve been hiding.”) Javier’s words rolled off his tongue so quickly, by the time he finished, Miriam had only just looked up. However, upon meeting his eyes, she smiled, happiness clear in her expression.

“Javier…” The way he leant against the tree; with his arms folded, one foot crossed in front of the other and his hat casting a shadow across his face, Miriam felt butterflies attack her stomach. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been fine. Got sent away on a mission. It was a long one.” She nodded just slightly, glad to have some closure on where he had been. The young woman had thought up so many scenarios on what he was doing and almost all of them made her worry for his safety. “What about you?”

“I… I’ve been better.” Javier appreciated the honesty.

“Miss Grimshaw says you haven’t been eating.” Miriam stayed silent. The raven-head got down to her level, sitting beside her now. “You have to eat, cariño.” Changing the subject, she tilted her head at him.

“Ca… riño? What does that mean?” Her gentle voice made him smirk. She was so innocent. He found it… cute.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” He teased.

“Well, I’d like to know what you’re saying.”

“And where’s the fun in that… cariño?” When he said the term of endearment this time around, Miriam’s cheeks flushed, a spasm of warmth coursing rapidly down to her lower abdomen. This mysterious persona yet charming and kind nature he possessed was so attractive to her. Part of her enjoyed the lack of understanding she had when he spoke to her in his native tongue. It encouraged to her bite back a little. She gave a short laugh to conceal her blush.

“You’re being very rude.” Javier blinked yet a smile still there to proclaim his own innocence.

“How so?” Laughing once more, Miriam closed her book and got up. Wrapping both arms around the literature and began to walk deeper into the trees. Javier couldn’t help himself but jest some more as he tried to follow after her. “¿Adónde vas?” (“Where are you going?”) Miriam stopped in her tracks; looking over her shoulder, smiling at him in a way which looked like she was half finding the situation amusing and the other half being astounded at his persistence.

“I think you’re taking advantage of my poor understanding of Spanish, Mister Escuella.” He stopped also. He put his hands on his hips, a grin now plastered across his face.

“Is that so?”

“I know so.” It was her turn to put a hand on her hip. “You obviously relish in watching me look at you, clueless and just when I find the courage to ask what you mean, you deny me.”

“Courage…” He chuckled, lowering his cap slightly so she was unable to see his eyes as clearly. “I didn’t realise I was so scary to talk to.” Her expression changed, not expecting him to respond like that.

“I… what I mean to say is…” She took a step closer to gain his attention. “I’m quite intrigued by your language. It sounds so… fascinating and beautiful. I only wish to learn more.” Mirroring her last movement, he too stepped closer. Now Miriam was arching her neck back to look up at him. His eyes a deep dark amber, shrouded with enigma.

“Entonces escucha atentamente, cariño…” (“Then listen carefully, darling…”) A twig snapped beneath his boot as he took one last step closer. She didn’t back down from his advances, keeping her eyes locked with his. He leant down, his lips inches away from her ear. “Te enseñaré un par de cosas.” (“I’ll teach you a few things.”) Her breath became jagged. He was so close to her. She couldn’t help but slightly turn her head to try and look him in the eye. Oh, how she regretted it. Javier’s eyes looked so intense. Smouldering effortlessly. A slither of fear ran down her spine, praying that her knees would keep her standing for her belly was now dancing in tight circles. Javier broke the gaze by stepping back to chuckle. He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head as he did so. Ever so quietly, Miriam huffed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Your expression, cariño. It’s so…” He held his hand out, rotating his fingers round in loops to try and find the word he was looking for. “… dulce.”

“Dulce?” His expression softened.

“Dulce.” He repeated, more enunciated this time to help with her pronunciation.

“Dulce.”

“There you go.” Javier spoke, encouragement in his voice. She smiled at her small victory but then frowned.

“But… what does it mean?” The dark-haired male looked at her, soaking in her beautifully confused expression not long before turning on his heel to head back towards camp. Just before she could retaliate, Javier responded.

“I’ll tell you… if you eat with me back at camp.” Once more he looked at her. This time his expression was no longer playful. It was stern yet somewhat pleading. Miriam looked down, being reminded of why she didn’t feel comfortable to eat. She could not explain why to him, in fear of what he would think of her. Yet all her worries seemed to disappear when she noticed his hand outstretched to her. “Toma mi mano.” (“Take my hand.”) For the first time, she unknowingly understood what he meant by his words. Miriam placed her hand in his where his tanned fingers wrapped around her slender ones. He gave it the faintest of squeezes before pulling her along behind him.

The two of them made it back to camp where Mr Pearson had just placed his big stew pot down – ready for the gang members to help themselves to. There was no disorderly rush, just a couple members at a time, at random intervals going for their share of food. Javier guided Miriam over to the empty table and there he left her so he could grab her a bowl of stew. She tucked her hair behind her ears, feeling somewhat nervous for reasons she still didn’t wish to share. By the time she sat down, Javier had returned with a bowl for himself and one for her.

“Here.” He placed it front of her. “It’s not the best, but Pearson does his best.” Miriam delicately scooped up a spoonful and stared at it. Javier watched from the corner of his eye, starting on his own bowl. Trying her best to overcome her mental battle, she placed her lips around the spoon and swallowed the liquid. A narrow smile tugged at Javier’s lips. “Dulce… it means ‘sweet’.” The educational moment warmed Miriam’s heart, taking another mouthful whilst she smiled to herself. Javier in turn found her reaction so charming.

“Sweet, hm? Like… honey sort of sweet?” She responded.

“Uh… yes. Yes. Helps describe a lot of pleasant things.”

‘Oh God…’ Miriam thought to herself, feeling that warm rush return to her lower abdomen. Why did he have to say things like that? In a way that could make any person swoon. She cleared her throat, trying to focus back on her food. “How would you describe this, then?” She asked, referring to Pearson’s food which was clearly not pleasant. Javier leant back in his chair and shrugged looking down at the bowl.

“Comestible.” The young woman smirked at him, awaiting his elaboration. He looked at her completely serious, an almost blank expression. “Edible.” Then something unexpected happened. She found herself truly laughing, out loud. It caught a few of the gang member’s attention. In particular, Mr Pearson, who put a hand on his hip, scowling.

“Something funny?” Javier raised his hand, shaking it in defence as he called over to him.

“No, no, Mister Pearson! The food is good!” Another bubble of laughter erupted from within the newcomer. The camp’s chef grumbled something under his breath as he continued working at his station. Miriam’s laugh made Javier smile from ear to ear. It was quite a dirty laugh; unlike anything he had ever heard before. He liked it. “Was it something I said?” The young woman brought her index fingers to her eyes, wiping away the tears which prickled her waterline.

“It’s just how you said it.”

“How did I say it?”

“You said it so serious! Like you were so…” More laughter escaped her which resulted in her now holding her belly, a painful stitch beginning to form. “Stop it!” The laughter began to hurt, yet she still couldn’t cease the action. “Please!” The more she thought about how Javier looked when he said it, the funnier it got.

From a distance, Hosea looked up from his newspaper; seeing the pair enjoying each other’s company. His own grin gracing his features. He shook his head, flipping over to the next page. Hosea was usually right about these things and it seemed he had resolved the situation quickly.

Finally, Miriam calmed down, fanning herself to cool off. Javier rose an eyebrow, looking smug at the chaos he caused at the table. “You okay?”

“Yes. I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t apologise. It was nice to hear.” Not wanting herself to be embarrassed any further, she placed down the spoon back into the bowl and excused herself from the table. She failed to eat all of it, but it was progress. Miriam took her bowl away to go wash up and Javier followed behind with his own. She offered to take it for him but he insisted on helping her. The raven-head rolled his white sleeves up, exposing his muscular forearms. Miriam couldn’t help but notice how well dressed he was. His black waistcoat hugged onto his body, exposing how broad and wide his chest was from underneath. In addition, the way his ebony locks fell down his face, just exposing the slit across his eyebrow and chiselled cheeks. The man was beautiful. She pondered on the thought of how lucky she felt to have been saved by him. He could have easily tried to have his own way with her after killing that O’Driscoll, but instead he showed her kindness which she thought did not exist.

Finishing the washing up, Javier shook his hands above the tub to get rid of any excess water. “Right, that should be it.” Snapping back into reality, Miriam swiftly dried her hands with a towel and headed over to her tent. Once she retrieved what she needed from her tent, the young woman returned to Javier.

“Before you go… I wanted to return this.” With both her hands, she offered back Javier’s neatly folded poncho. “There was a small rip in the back so I fixed it for you.” Javier gently took the material from her and unfolded the poncho to look at her patchwork. She had done a good job. It looked as though there was no obvious repair at all. His heart clenched at the thought of her sitting on some tree somewhere with a needle and thread in her hand, trying to fix something that was dear to him. He looked at her with warmth and gratitude.

“Thank you, Miriam.” There was a comfortable silence between the two. Before it got too long, Miriam pointed over to the ladies.

“I better go see if they need help.” Javier nodded. Shyly she smiled. “I’ll see you later.”

“Hasta luego.” (“See you later.”) The male took a second to process that afternoon’s events and he turned on his heel to walk away. Javier noticed Miriam had left her book on the table. He picked it up and contemplated returning it to her now or later. He held it tighter, deciding later would be best as it would give him another excuse to see her. Javier continued walking. He didn’t know where he was going to walk off to, but he knew he needed time to think. Upon passing, Hosea popped down his newspaper, still sat with one leg crossed on his seat.

“How’d it go?” The older man asked nonchalantly. Being lost in his own thoughts, Javier unknowingly ignored Hosea’s question and kept walking. He didn’t even realise Hosea was trying to speak to him. The elder shook his head, smiling. He licked his thumb to help turn another page of the paper. “Ah… young love.”

[mannylikessims]

The True Story of the Villareal Family [1.2]

prev // home // next

The Von Haunt Estate is a wonderful tourist destination for families, and Jacques couldn’t be happier to finally be away from his.

With his annoying kids out of the way until their secret meeting tonight, Jacques could get back to his second-favorite hobby:

Playing chess,

-while in cosplay. And, miraculously, he wasn’t the only Sim in Windenburg with this hobby. There was a whole club devoted to it.

The suit was stifling hot, you could barely breathe in it, and it was very hard to see the chess pieces, but Jacques loved it nonetheless. And, it was more socially acceptable than his other favorite hobby, murder.

Tonight, Jacques would have to work (they say evil never sleeps, and neither do level 9 criminals in the criminal career), but for now, he had the whole afternoon to play chess in his clinkity-clankity suit of armor.

───────────────✦───────────────

Meanwhile, Luna and Lady Mimsy were getting along like peanut butter and jelly.

She was just teaching the ghost how to slide into someone’s DMs when a voice startled them.

“Ghost!” shouted the voice, muffled by the suit of armor. “Go away, ghost! You leave her alone!”

Luna burst out laughing. “Relax! Mimsy’s, like, not even a little scary. And we’re besties, actually.”

“…besties?” said Mimsy.

“It means we’re BFFLs,” explained Luna.

“…biffles?”

The figure in the suit stiffened. “Well, I uh, thought you were maybe in trouble. Do you always laugh at people trying to help you?”

“Only when they’re wearing costumes from a Halloween store,” she retorted. “But thanks for the noble gesture.”

“Hey now, this is custom-tailored plate armor.” Was it just Luna or did this knight sound cheeky?

“Okay, nerd.”

“Yo, I am not a nerd. You’re the nerd.”

“Said the person wearing a custom-made knight outfit.” Her mouth twitched with a smile. Two could be cheeky.

She searched the face of the suit for a reaction, but couldn’t see anything behind the visor. She could swear the knight wasn’t taking their eyes off her, though.

Behind her, Luna heard Mimsy suppress a giggle. “Well, I must attend to some ghostly business, bestie. Have fun with your knight in shining armor!”

“Wait, I’m not looking for like, a savior or anything,” she said, but Mimsy had already floated away. Luna placed a hand on her hip.

The knight tutted, shaking their head. “And here I thought you were just a nice, boring girl.”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m just saying, you’re not what I expected. I didn’t know a pretty, popular girl like you could be so savage.”

“Well, I’m full of surprises,” said Luna with another coy smile. She didn’t know who was in this knight suit, but they certainly had her attention. And it didn’t escape her notice that they had called her pretty.

───────────────✦───────────────

“Hey Mister.”

Max had found his own ghost to talk to, a translucent figure standing at an easel.

The ghost of Lord Bernard turned, tensing as he saw Max. “Yes, child?” he said.

“Is that your art?” said Max, pointing at the piece on the easel.

The ghost raised his eyebrows, but then puffed his chest up proudly. “Why yes, it’s only half-finished, but-"

“I now see why you killed yourself.”

Bernard stood frozen in shock for a brief second, then descended upon the child like a raging tempest.

“Listen here, you little ratbag,” he spat. “It was an accident.”

“Yeah, right,” said Max.

“The fire was never supposed to spread-“

“The painting you threw into the fireplace was waaay too big to fit in there and you knew it. Of course you knew the fire would spread.”

Bernard spluttered in shock.

“Ooh, burn!” said Max. “Literally! Haha!”

And the more Bernard quivered with rage, the more Max grinned.

───────────────✦───────────────

Just past the seething ghost, over the railing and below the walkway, lay a vast collection of hedges, and within those hedges, a certain teenager was lost.

Hugo checked his Voidcritter Go! app on his phone.

“Let’s see, this is where I found the Dicoatl, which means I want to turn right to get out of here – wait, there’s no right-"

The sky was darkening, Hugo’s stomach was growling, and he was pretty sure he’d passed this spot of hedges before. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being watched.

“Oh plum,” he said to himself, getting worried. “I gotta get to Dad’s Family Fun Day, but I’m all mixed up now…”

───────────────✦───────────────

Luna was still with the knight who had “saved” her from Mimsy’s ghost. Somehow, the entire afternoon had slipped away while they were talking.

“So, why were you so aggressive towards Mimsy? Are you afraid of ghosts or something?”

“No!” said the knight quickly. “And I’m not aggressive. I’m tough. I don’t want anybody messing with people I care about.”

“So you saw me and decided you cared about me? That’s why you were acting tough?”

“No,” said the knight, a little too quickly again. “You know, just because you act like a princess doesn’t mean every knight is fawning over you.”

Luna paused, frowning for a brief moment, before slyly raising a finger to the knight’s helmet.

“So, who is my tough knight in shining armor who doesn’t care about me?” she said, slowly lifting their visor,

but the knight stepped back before she could reveal their face. “H-hey! Hands off the suit, princess,” they stammered.

Luna doubled over giggling. “You said you didn’t care about me, but suddenly you’re too shy to show me your face?” She straightened back up, still giggling, and handed the knight something.

“Here,” she said. “Because I like you even though you’re shy.”

“Uh, what?” The knight stood there, flustered, holding Luna’s phone.

“I’m asking for your number, genius. It’s almost nightfall and I have to go.”

“Oh!” If the knight was blushing, Luna couldn’t tell. They struggled to enter their number on her phone with their clunky metal fingers, finally handing it back after several painstaking minutes.

“There you go. Don’t text me anything too savage, princess. Or do.”

Luna wondered if the knight was smiling.

She giggled. “Goodbye, my knight in shining armor.” Luna blew them a kiss, betting it would send them weak in the knees,

and she was right.

“Bye, princess…”

Luna sauntered away, butterflies tingling in her stomach.

As she walked off into the sunset, she could barely concentrate on her Family Fun Day obligations. All she could think about was her mysterious knight in shining armor.

───────────────✦───────────────

While Luna was making friends, Max was making enemies.

It was official now: The ghost of Lord Bernard Escargot Shallot IV was afraid of a 10-year-old.

When the sun started to set, Max finally walked away from his new enemy, triumphant.

It was Max: 1, Bernard: 0.

───────────────✦───────────────

But the day wasn’t over yet, and Jacques was waiting for his children. The real work of Family Fun Day was just about to begin.

───────────────✦───────────────

prev // home // next

[funtomfactory]

A Kuroshitsuji Christmas

A little Black Butler Christmas thing I threw together, enjoy!

Sebastian: *narrates* It was Boxing Day, late 19th century. Just outside of London, UK, lay the grand Phantomhive manor. Its rooftops were decorated with a sheet of white snow, and its windows shimmered with light coming from within. All of the household was in high spirits; the maid, Mey-Rin, was donning some wreath in her hair. Finny, the gardener, had helped to set up real trees inside. They were decorated with candles and ornaments, and proven to be capable of taking a blow, which was proven by the cook Bardroy when he tried to set the Christmas pudding alight. Old man Tanaka was resting near the fireplace and the footman Snake was handing out hot chocolate to everyone. The season had everyone in its grasp. Everyone, safe for the young master, who was sitting cross-legged in a chair near a tree ladened with presents.

Ciel: *shifts in his chair and grumbles* Ugh, I can't believe how much time I've wasted on social frivolities these last few days, I'm horribly behind schedule on my paperwork....

Sebastian: *whispering, while smirking mischievously* Come now young master, this is a special day for us servants. You owe it to us for all our hard work.

Ciel: *sighs* I suppose you're right. Well then... *turns around towards Finny* Finny, would you be so kind to hand out the first box?

Finny: With pleasure, young master! *Finny jumps up and grabs the nearest box* This one is for... S-Snake... Hey! It's from Lady Elizabeth!

Snake: *takes the box from Finny* From Smile's fiancée? How nice, says Webster.

Ciel: Yes, she was pretty thorough with buying presents this year...

Snake unwrapped the box and looked inside. He pulled out a handful of what appeared to be tiny scarfs and hats.

Bard: Are those...

Ciel: Lizzy insisted that she wanted Snake's snakes to wear matching clothing. She insisted it would make them... *twitches his fingers* That much cuter.

Snake: That's a lovely idea! We'll wear them with pride, says Emily.

As Snake tried to fit his snakes with their new ensemble, the young master guestured Finny to hand out the next gift.

Finny: Here you go, Mey-Rin!

Mey: M-My turn?! Thank you Finny!

Mey-Rin unwraps her gift to reveal a lavishly decorated hair clip.

Mey: Oh my! It's stunning yes it is! Thank you young master!

Ciel nods in approval as Mey-Rin tries to put the clip in her hair. Meanwhile, Finny reads the tag on the third present.

Finny: This one is yours, Bard!

Bard: Alright! Let's see what we've got here! *tears off the wrapping paper* A metal cigarette case!

Sebastian: Since you're prone to... Flammable accidents we thought it suitable to buy you something to at least keep your cigarettes safe from anything catching on fire. It would be a waste if you didn't get to smoke them.

Bard: I don't know if that's a compliment... But I'll take it. Thank you very much!

Finny: *frowns at the next present* This one is for... All of us?

Bard: Well then what are you waiting for?

Ciel: Go ahead Finny, open it up.

Finny rips open the box to reveal a stack of Chirstmas hats. The hats are covered in glitter and ribbons. Ciel moans.

Ciel: Lizzy... What have you done?

Sebastian: It would be an insult not to wear them.... *takes one from the stack and puts in on his young master's head, then puts one on himself* Now we're actually dressed for the occasion.

The other servants cheer as they put on their hats. Ciel slumps in his chair, looking miserable.

Finny: Ah, this box is if you, mister Sebastian!

Sebastian: *looks surprised* For me?

Ciel: *smirks* Did you really think you would be spared?

Sebastian: *takes the box from Finny* I... Well thank you!

Ciel: I wouldn't be so quick with the gratitude...

Sebastian unwraps the present. Inside is a calendar for the new year, each month containing a drawing of cats.

Sebastian: Aah... How adorable...

Ciel: *annoyed* And here I was thinking Lizzy would give you something more...

Sebastian: Unsuitable? That thought hardly fits with the Christmas spirit, young master...

Sebastian hugs the calendar to his chest as Finny hands the next gift to Takana.

Tanaka: Ho ho ho...

Finny helps Tanaka open his present. Tanaka got an expensive looking set of tea cups.

Tanaka: Hoh!

Finny: One for you, young master! *hands Ciel a box*

Mey: Oh! That's from all of us!

Bard: Please enjoy it, young master!

Snake: And a Merry Chirstmas to you! Says Oscar.

Ciel has a quizzical look on his face as he opens the package. The servants got him a set of eyepatches.

Ciel: Wha-... Thank you...

Bard: There's no need to be embarassed about receiving a gift young master!

Finny: Now you can match them with your outfits!

Mey: Me and mister Snake picked them especially for you, yes we did!

Sebastian: *has a look of malice in his eyes as he takes out a bright, crimson eyepatch* How about you try this one, young master? It matches the hat....

There was no room for protest as Sebastian swapped the regular, black eyepatch for the coloured one. Ciel's face was barely a shade away from matching the new ensemble.

Finny: Ah, this package is for Mey-Rin again!

Ciel: Wouldn't you want to unwrap a gift yourself first?

Mey: You can't skip yourself, no you can't!

Finny: O-Okay!

Snake: Here's one with your name on it, says Wordsworth.

Finny took the box Snake pointed at from the stack.

Finny: I wonder what it is... *unwraps his gift* ... It's a book!

Bard: *reads the title over Finny's shoulder* "20 Christmas stories and carols, bundled".... With this, you'll be an expert on Christmas before the next year rolls around!

Finny: Thank you young master!

Ciel smiles as Finny stares at the cover, tears in his eyes.

Ciel: I hope you've been practising your reading skills.

Finny: I have! I'm still not that fast, though... Hey... Here's an idea... Could you read us one of these stories tonight, young master?

Ciel: Wha-

Mey: What a splendid idea that is!

Bard: Hey yeah! That would be fun! We've never heard you read something aloud like that.

Ciel: *blushes* And you never will...

Sebastian: Come now, young master, don't be a spoilsport...

Ciel: Why you... *sighs* ... Fine. But only one, and you'll have to work extra hard to do all the cleaning up in the morning.

Servants: Will do!

Ciel: *flips through the book* Hmm... Ah, here's one. A visit from St. Nicholas.

The servants leaned in closer as Ciel cleared his throat.

Ciel: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care-

Finny: Stockings?

Bard: Yeah some people put the presents in socks above the chimney.

Mey: Really?!

Finny: That sounds fun! Let's hang our socks above the chimney too!

The servants scrambled on thier feet and ran out of the room.

Ciel: Hey! Wait!

After a while, the servants returned, each carrying a sock. Snake's sock looked wrinkled, and Bard's contained a hole. Ciel blinked in surprise, then shook his head in annoyance. The servants hung their socks on the chimney mantle, then settled down again.

Ciel: Could I please continue the story without any interruptions? ... Here we are... The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads, and mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap, when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below, when, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.

Finny: Wow! Santa really has that many reindeers?!

Snake: Do they all have names?

Ciel: *sighs* I'll get to that in a minute... Now... With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick. More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name; "Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN! On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and BLITZEN! To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall! Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

Finny: They can climb walls?!

Mey: Hush Finny, or we'll never hear the end of the story!

Ciel: As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky, So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too. And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof. As I drew in my head, and was turning around, Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

Finny: *rushes to the fireplace, knocking over Tanaka* Santa! Santa are you in the chimney?! But the fire is on! It's hot!

Tanaka: Hoooh!

Bard: Finny! Would you please calm down?!

Snake: You know he's not real, right? Says Webster.

As Bard and Snake tugged Finny back to his place and Sebastian helped Tanaka upright again, Ciel continued.

Ciel: He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot, And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot; A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack. His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; He had a broad face and a little round belly, That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly. He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf, And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Finny: *sighs dreamily* With a description like that... How could he not be real?

Bard: You can't be serious, right?!

Ciel: This is indeed a rather joyful version of Father Christmas. He has also seen other iterations, though... *smirks impishly*

Finny: *a little scared* R-Really?!

Ciel: Read the rest of the book and find out for yourself... Now where was I... Ah... He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, and filled all the stockings, then turned with a jerk, and laying his finger aside of his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he rose-

There was the sound of something clattering. Looking around with a jerk, the household saw Finny laying on his back on the floor, blissfully asleep, his cup of hot cocoa rolling on the carpet.

Mey: Oh dear...

Bard: He couldn't even finish the story...

Ciel: *snaps the book shut* Well I guess that's the end of it for now then... Sebastian, Bard, bring Finny to his bed. Mey-Rin, Snake, clean away the cups and then it's off to bed. We'll finish the rest of the presents tomorrow.

Servants: *nod* Yes sir!

And so, Sebastian carried Finny downstairs, with Bardroy in tow. They entered thier room and lay Finny down on his bed. As Sebastian pulled him under the covers, Bardroy put on his nightwear.

Bard: I swear he's still just a kid, despite his ridiculous strength.

Sebastian: Kid or not, I'll expect him to work hard tomorrow to mkae up for the ruckus he caused.

Bard: *slides into his bed* Geez, lighten up a bit, it's the one time a year we servants get to taste a bit of magic... Who's the spoilsport now... *turns around and starts snoring*

Sebastian: Magic, hm? *grabs the red duvet from Finny's bed and swings open the window, jumping on the windowsill and climbing towards the roof, the duvet draped over his shoulders*

The cold draft from the open window made its way to Finny, who stirred, searching for his covers.

Finny: Hm? Ah! *spots the open window and scurries over, looking around over the landscape, and spots something crimson* Santa Claus?

Meanwhile upstairs, Snake and Mey-Rin just finished their tasks.

Mey: I know I shouldn't ask, young master, but just how does the story end?

Ciel: *reopens the book and points at the last few lines of the poem* He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew like the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-

At that moment, Sebastian soared from the rooftop towards the trees, guised under a blur of red. Ciel looked in disbelief as the jaws of Snake and Mey-Rin dropped to the floor. A few flors below, Finny cheered with delight.

Finny: Santa! Santa! Bard! Look!

Bard: *Sleepy* huh...? Wha-!

As he flew by the windows, Sebastian shouted.

Sebastian: Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

[xatsperesso]

I made so search about Ifrit and I found some interesting things:

Ifrit, also spelled as efreet, afrit, and afreet is a powerful type of demon in Islamic mythology.

In Moroccan belief, the afarit form a more powerful type of demon, compared to the djinn and other supernatural creatures. With the aid of a magical ring, the afarit might be forced to perform certain orders. -Ifrit appears frequently in film and video games. In the Final Fantasy video game series, an ifrit appears as a summonable spirit or/and an enemy. Like its mythological counterpart, it is a spirit of fire and can use an iconic spell called Hell-Fire Demon Summonable Fire In Iruma universe, it probably meant that this family of demon has a history of being summoned by humanity. So much that they left a trace on history, folklore and myths like we see now in games and stuff like that.

It also mean that Ifrit is perfectly aware that humans exist. Even if he has not been summoned himself, his ancestors have been.

Imagine if Iruma's parents find the summoning circle of Ifrit after some shady searches. or maybe they weren't shady and that they used the first circle that they found in their searches and it happened to be the ifrit one.

So Ifrit-sensei is summoned, he literally dispear during a meeting with his coworkers.

And he appears in the human realm like "….really? it has been centuries since last time a member of my family has lived that. and that's my turn. Damn!"

Iruma BAD parents: "Hello mister demon, we summoned you for a affair!

Ifrit: …i hope that you don't call a demon for nothing because someone less patient than me could have been angry you know, especially that your circle is badly made. My ancestors would have eaten you on the spot ya know.

Iruma BAD parents: We want money

Ifrit: sigh humanity will never change, they were right. light up a cigarette I'm really disappointed now.

Iruma BAD parents: we give you our son as payment.

Ifrit: ….I'm sorry what?"

And the teachers of Babyls have a son now.

Omg that'd be so cute

Like i see it very vividly they'd all be very protective of him!

of course there'd be that one teacher who's like "can we eat him?" And the rest would be like "wtf no"

I can see ifrit being the wine aunt who'd fucking kill for iruma like just say the word sweetie and they're a goner

Kalego would pretend he doesn't like iruma but he's such a dad an so in denial and everyone would make fun of him

Of course balam would be a mother hen making sure iruma is ok from the trauma of his parents leaving him, meanwhile iruma is there like "this isn't as bad as i thought it'd be. I think I'll stay" ( ya know without all the bs sullivan pulled on him at the beginning and all these people making sure ma boi doesn't get caught and keeping him safe+well fed like why wouldn't he want to stay)

Sullivan would be watching them like "haha these demons antics" but then he'd have one interaction with iruma and he'd be like "he's mine now" and try kidnapping him

Iruma would just smile at opera like "nice to meet you, opera-san!" And opera would immediately help sullivan in kidnapping iruma

I cant help but see dantalion being a little shit who always messes with iruma idk why that's just his vibe

I feel like marbas would just be hanging around in the back like "iruma already has all these demons taking care of him he'll come to me if he needs anything" and then iruma goes to him in his very sweet iruma-way and halfway through marbas would be like i would die for this kid

It'd just be so cute

[walnutcookie]

hello there mister almond sir i just read your Misfortune infodump and i. am intrigued. i would like to hear more pretty please /nf

MISFORTUNE RANT PART 2💥💥 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK BWAAA/GEN ...

part 1 here

so . Unfortunately i am a sucker for fluff and also capchat so that is precisely the ending my fanon gets HXVDKDB

langue comes to visit cappu in her office the day after he saw misfortune again and finds her like half dead with a hangover and theyre like Hey. What the fuck happened. shes a little hesitant because yknow not everyone will believe you when you say theres a giant 10 foot raven inside of you!! but he tells langue EVERYTHING and based on what cappu tells them. They believe her!! they are horrified and greatly disgusted (thhey dont like the thought of a giant bird covered in blood crawling in and out of cappus mouth so they make her swish out his mouth before they kiss him /hj)

but langue is a stubborn fuck. a perfectionist and an overachiever. they are going to fight misery itself just to prove they can. So!! misfortune feeds off of cappuccino being miserable? then they just have to make her life As good and lovely as possible so that he never feels miserable. or at least not enough for it to feed off of her

they manage to convince their parents (who were never very fond of cappu and just saw her as a bad influence for their precious lovely child) to let cappu move in with them temporarily and they quickly start to adore him because Of Course They Do. Langue is going to nag him about every little thing until he Actually Does It so eventually they manage to get him a proper sleep schedule, wean her off of cigarettes, heavily cut her daily coffee intake, and most importantly keep her from being isolated so often. Love wins !

obviously it takes a loong time and misfortune is NOT happy that this little fuck is managing to ignore all of the disasters its causing (falling furniture. fires. shattered windows. anything it can manage to do) and somehow not die from any of it and eventually They succeed ! Cappuccino is actually happy! even though misfortune still tries to make her life a living hell she now has support from langue AND their parents and so shes able to actually push through and recover from his bad luck instead of just having to sit there and endure it (or desperately find ways to escape it)

right now the silly ending is misfortune senses a very very miserable being walking down the street and goes to hide in them instead but it turns out it was ROGUEFORT and misfortune has thousands of year old beef with their sentient cloak goddess (lupine) and it escapes heavily weakened.

it is so itty bitty now. but it has found that movie theaters produce a good amount of misery for it to feed off of and it lives in there now lol. Diversity win! The spirit of misfortune likes popcorn!

this is all just a silly ending though idk if its canon or not . Either way misfortune leaves cappu and finds another victim HXBDKFB

meanwhile cappu is FUCKING DYING!!! It clawed its way out of his chest since it no longer cared if she died or not and had no use for her it just left her to die. Thankfully it was in langues house so he was rushed to a hospital as soon as langue saw her with his chest literally wide open (they frew up) and Cappu Survived!!!!

thats basically it HXVDKF cappu rides in a car while conscious for the first time in years when langues parents drive her home from the hospital and he is an Anxious Mess because of how many accidents hes been in and how its caused her to be absolutely terrified of cars. but langue is there to hold his hand and. um. yeah just kind of hold her hand because they are AWFUL at comforting people. But their parents try to say some comforting things !!! poor thang is trembling

if anyone has any questions i would love to answer :3!! i love this silly raven thang so much

[thatboomerkid]

Happy Hunting, Mister the Frog! (part one)

[interior: the New York Continental, mid-day; it is full of badass assassins in fancy suits all quietly going about their business]

[the camera pans the lobby to show that the crowd is also inexplicably interspersed with various Muppets: Rolf is playing piano, Scooter is a bellhop, Link Hogthrob is talking on a cellphone while surrounded by beautiful female bodyguards, and Sam Eagle is reading a newspaper with the headline “PROFITS?!?”, all while Uncle Deadly & Sweetums chat casually with a group of heavily-tattooed men]

[the crowd is ALSO full of random celebs not otherwise featured in the John Wick movies: Zendaya, Mark Ruffalo, Weird Al, Jenna Ortega, Snoop Dogg, Jack Black, Margot Robbie, Randall Park, Paul Rudd, Nicholas Cage, Lucy Liu, Christopher Walken, Tommy Chong, and Lady Gaga, among others]

[meanwhile, we see Dr. Bunsen Honeydew exchanging a massive dufflebag full of comically-oversized guns for a small black briefcase (which Beaker then immediately drops several times, allowing the chickens stuffed inside to escape) while the Electric Mayhem arm-wrestle John Cena; we can see Statler & Waldorf heckling a group of angry Yakuza from their theater box in the background ]

Bell: (chimes as the door opens)

Kermit: (trudges in, visibly annoyed and wearing a black suit & tie; he has a large, cartoonish white X-shaped bandage on the left side of his forehead)

Fozzie: (wanders in behind him, loudly eating popcorn out of a little red-&-white-striped box; he is openly ogling both the scenery and the patrons)

Fozzie: Oh wow! Kermit, look! This place is great! They have EVERYTHING! Did you see the luggage carts!? (pause) Ooh, are these people all really … you-know-whats?

Kermit: Everyone has a vocation, Fozzie. These are all just regular people, just like anybody else.

Fozzie: Wow! And I guess your old college roommate John Wick told you about this place, huh? Hey, did anyone ever tell you that the two of you look totally identical? Especially with your new haircut!

Kermit: Uh, Fozzie, can you keep it down? I think people here can be a little … touchy.

Fozzie: (fondling a confused Idris Elba’s tie while looking over his shoulder to read his cellphone) Sure thing, Kermit!

Kermit: (audible sigh)

Everyone: (begins whispering as Kermit trudges across the lobby; he arrives at the empty front desk and rings the bell)

Kermit: Fozzie, will you stop that?

Fozzie: (snapping pictures of an annoyed Rihanna on his disposable camera) Sorry, Kermit! (snaps another picture)

Kermit: (grumbles, rings the bell several more times) Hello?

Gonzo & Rizzo: (pop up from behind the desk in perfect unison) Checking in, Mister the Frog?

Kermit: (even more visibly annoyed) Guys, what are you doing here?

Rizzo: We work here now!

Gonzo: Yeah! The High Table said we’re their new most-dependable employees!

Winston: (leaning out of his office) I said most disposable.

Rizzo: That’s right! And no funny-business on Continental grounds, buddy! Or I get to spray you with the fire extinguisher! The boss said so!

Winston: (leaning out of his office again) I most certainly did not.

Statler: What’s that? No funny-business!?

Waldorf: Well, that certainly won’t be difficult!

Statler & Waldorf: OHOHOHOHO!

Kermit: Look, guys, I just need a room. My house got blown up. Again.

Fozzie: Yeah, guys! Also? Kermit here is gonna avenge my death!

Kermit: Fozzie, stop telling everyone that I’m going to avenge your death. I think you really scared that poor Uber driver.

Rizzo: Right! ‘Cuz everyone knows he’s gonna avenge Piggy’s death first!

Kermit: What? Who? No, no I am not.

Gonzo: (putting on 3D glasses) Ooh, a flashback!

[flashback begins]

Miss Piggy: (dramatically flinging herself onto a bed) Oh, Kermie! I’m dying!

Kermit: Uh … well, no. I mean, I’m sure lots of people get banned for life from Shoes 4 Less, honey. It’s probably … fine?

Miss Piggy: (wailing, kicking) NO! SHOES! NOOO!

Kermit: If it bothers you so much, maybe … uh, just try not punching all the security guards in the face so much next time?

Miss Piggy: No! NO! My life is OVER! I’m buying you the cheapest dog they have and then I’m DYING!

Kermit: uhh

Miss Piggy: (wailing)

Kermit: (slowly backing out the door) … Okay well I’m gonna go fold some socks and I’ll leave you to it.

Miss Piggy: (suddenly sitting up) And you better not kiss any other beautiful women after I’m dead, frog.

Kermit:

Miss Piggy: (dramatically slams herself back on the bed; wailing resumes)

[flashback ends]

Fozzie: And I’m the dog!

Rizzo: Cool!

Kermit: No you are not.

Gonzo: Ooh, that was a great flashback! Can we see the part where you learned karate and high-speed stunt-driving?

Kermit: No! And I’m not avenging anyone’s death!

Rizzo: Ohhh, right, right, right! Sure, sure, I gotcha! You’re “not” avenging “anyone’s” “death”! Of course, why didn’t you say so!? I got just the guy!

Gonzo: (pulls out a megaphone) Attention, all Continental guests! Attention, all scary Continental guests! Sommelier to the front desk, please! Sommelier to the front desk! The world’s most dangerous frog is now purchasing several very large guns!

Kermit: (visible anger)

Swedish Chef: (crashes though a door behind the front desk, stirring a giant pot full of bullets that fly everywhere) Hurdy yurdy, Meester dee Frog! Needin’ der guns fer de pewty-pew, shooty-boom-boom?

Rizzo: He wants to know who the target is.

Gonzo: Tell him it’s me! I wanna see what he would recommend!

Swedish Chef: (begins rummaging under the desk; pulls out a bazooka, a katana, a spike-covered accordion, and a big black cartoon bomb — already lit — with the word ‘BOöMBb’ written on it in giant white letters) Hokey-hinkey Mistier dee Froög! Skirben der moo frinkie shootie all der baddies, ya?

Rizzo: He says it comes with a bayonet and three laser-sights, but it’ll cost you extra.

Fozzie: (playing with nunchucks) Oh wow, Kermit! You could probably “not avenge” the whole city with all this stuff!

Gonzo: (brandishing flamethrower) Or the entire nation of Portugal! Twice!

Kermit: (exasperated groan) Look, I’m not “not avenging” anyone! And especially not the nation of Portugal!

Gonzo: Not even once?

Kermit: NO.

Rizzo: (tossing several ninja stars over his shoulder) Pfft. Not with that attitude, you’re not!

Kermit: Now are you gonna rent me a hotel room, or is that the one thing this place doesn’t have?

Daniel Craig: (standing behind Kermit) Ah, I beg your pardon? I am ALSO checking in? I was told that there were several, ah … dozen murders in need of investigation?

Kenneth Branagh: Ah! Oui, and I was told zee same thing?

Benedict Cumberbatch & Robert Downey Jr: (simultaneously) As was I. (scowl at one another)

Scooter: (arriving from nowhere) If you’ll follow me, gentleman? I’m afraid you’re in our “committing” section; the “solving” section is right over here.

(crowd of detectives departs)

Fozzie: (takes several photos of them)

Keanu Reeves: (walks up wearing a cheap fake mustache and glasses) Um, excuse me? I would ALSO like to check in; my name is, uh … Chlon. Uh … Chlon Ww… Glick. Chlon Glick. I’ve never been here before.

Rizzo: You again? Get out of here, buddy! This place is only for real cool guys with tattoos and tragic pathos! Go be a nobody loser some place else!

Keanu: (leaves)

Rizzo: Jeez, what is with that guy?

Gonzo: I like him! He taught me a cool pen trick! Watch! (jams pens in his “ears”)

Scooter: Ahem! Your room is ready, Mister the Frog. You’re in our “tortured path of self-destructive revenge” suite!

Gonzo: (now with like thirty pens jammed into his face) Ooh, that’s the best one!

Scooter: No, you’re thinking of the “self-destructive path of torturous revenge” suite. This one’s a dump.

Fozzie: Does it have a minibar?

Scooter: It does … not. And it’s next to two different ice machines. (checks clipboard) Make that three.

Fozzie: That’s okay. Is the bed comfy?

Scooter: Not particularly. And you’re definitely going to get attacked in the middle of the night by this guy. (gestures at Crazy Harry)

Crazy Harry: (waves axe around with low, ominous chuckle)

Fozzie: Ooooh, fancy! (snaps a picture)

Kermit: Look, do you have any rooms that aren’t weird horrible death-traps?

Scooter: Uh … probably not, but I guess I can check? You’re welcome to hang out in the lobby while you wait.

Fozzie: (picking up a bar menu) Kermit? Can we order some onion rings?

Rizzo: Yep! And there’s a running gun-battle every hour, on the hour!

Gonzo: (strapping on a helmet, picking up a chicken) Be sure to stay for the evening show; it’s completely different than the afternoon matinee! No spoilers, but I’ll probably die!

Kermit: (grumbles, walks to the bar)

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #300: Inferno Squared

February, 1989

Presenting        the NEW TEAM!

Mister Fantastic

The Mighty THOR

Invisible Woman

Steve Rogers, the CAPTAIN

and reintroducing

Gilgamesh, the FORGOTTEN ONE!

-reverent whisper- The Worst Roster!

Its finally arrived...

I’m going to keep an open mind because at least its not Dr Druid, who I will never stop dunking on. But Gilgamesh is dragging this team down. Look at him in the cast box. He’s just a grim brunette with a boxy head.

Thor is going to be on the same team. You’re going to put Gilgamesh in Thor’s shadow right from day 2? You’re not giving him much of a chance, Simonson.

Also, the title is technically INFERNO^2 but I don’t know how to do the superscript thing and I don’t think it works in the title bar.

Last times on Avengers!

Thor disbanded the Avengers. There are no Avengers.

Because of X-Men demon related biz, the Captain Notmerica decided to go get Invisible Woman and Mr Fantastic in the middle of the night. But they’re already involved in another subplot with a creepy egg kidnapping Franklin.

The heroes chase Nanny down but find her enforcer Orphan-Maker and Franklin-in-a-robot-suit tough fights. Also, Gilgamesh showed up to specifically this subplot even though he was going to New York to fight demons.

AND THE KANG SUBPLOT IS STILL HAPPENING?

GOD DAMN IT

This is Fred Kang, the Kang that was sorta the focus Kang of the Kang Klubhouse subplot of the Nebula Kang arc.

He nicknamed himself after Fred Flintstone.

While every other Kang was getting seduced by Nebula Kang into giving away their best technology, Fred Kang kept his dick in his pants and helped Beard Kang and Dinosaur Kang go after Nebula Kang to stop her from stealing the weapon in the bubble in the center of time that the Kangs really wanted.

But after freeing the Avengers from Nebula Kang mind control, the Kangs fell into time and disappeared.

Fred Kang finds that he’s still trapped on the surface of the time bubble in time. That’s why its all pink around him. Time bubbles are pink.

And that’s why I’m peeved at seeing Kang. Aside from the subplot doing nothing and being bad, explaining it takes a whole lot of words considering how nothing of a story it was.

Fred Kang says a lot of technobabble about why he’s still alive and how he’ll be dead once random probabilities run out.

But he gets distracted by seeing a vision of the demonic invasion of New York. And wonders where the fuck the Avengers are.

Hey, you and me both, buddy.

He speculates that the demons killed the Avengers and are destroying alternate futures. But that can’t be because the Avengers are going to enter the time bubble, the bubble in time in the future. So therefore, he needs to enter their probability envelope to escape non-existence.

Just so much technobabble. I hate you, Fred Kang.

Long story short, he’s going to try to help the Avengers to ensure his own existence.

There is just so much Kang in this ISSUE THREE HUNDRED OF AVENGERS, WHICH IS PRIMARILY CONCERNED WITH AN X-MEN CROSSOVER EVENT.

My positivity is leaving my body.

Kang spies on N’astirh and some of his demon guys discussing all the child sacrifice Madelyne Pryor is getting read to do. Kang don’t like that none.

Not because of the child sacrifice but it does mean that the timeline is going a direction that’s bad for him, personally.

He finds what he thinks are some Avengers (being the Captain, Mr Fantastic, and Invisible Woman) and flies off to their position.

In a bit I kinda love, Mr Fantastic backseat drives Sue by telling her to use her force field to protect herself from being set on fire.

And her reaction is ‘yeah, no shit.’

Gilgamesh is not so worried about how to stop Franklin without harming him. He just walked up and punches Red Franklin in the back.

Luckily (for Franklin’s spine) the suit is pretty mighty and holds up well. Presumably, Gilgamesh is a lot more rusty than he thought.

Meanwhile, the Captain clobbers Orphan-Maker to pay back the cheap shot. He knocks him on his ass and the creep starts crying to Nanny.

Mr Fantastic realizes, oh right, the egg.

He wraps around Orphan-Maker and threatens to murder him if Nanny doesn’t free Franklin.

Mr Fantastic: “I don’t want to hurt your boy, but where my child is at risk, I’ll be just as bad as I have to be. Don’t make me do something we’ll both regret.”

Lamentably, Inferno keeps happening.

Back over with N’astirh, one of his horrible demons brings Red Franklin to N’astirh’s attention and goes ‘hey its an important baby, a dark childe.’

Having this dark childe would help them more efficiently fuck over Madelyne Pryor after she plays her part in this mess.

Back at the quasi-Avengers part of the plot, Nanny agrees to leave without Franklin. But as she’s getting into her airship, she nursery rhyme orders Franklin to murder everyone.

Mr Fantastic was expecting this. Because an easy way to have him be the smartest person in the room is to let him read ahead in the script.

But now that Nanny and Orphan-Maker are out of the picture, Reed has a plan to free Franklin. Or kill him.

Reed... Reed just does this stuff sometimes.

Invisible Woman: “But -- you may hurt him! Even kill him!”

Mr Fantastic: “We must take that chance, darling. As long as he’s under Nanny’s mental control, the entire world is in deadly peril!”

Is it though?

It’s a mighty robot suit but he’s barely a deadly peril to the entire park.

Like I said, Reed just does this stuff sometimes. He’s always willing to make the hard choice, especially if it puts Franklin in a coma.

This time, he yanks some wires out of the Fantasti-Car to zap Red Franklin and fuse his armor.

Red Franklin face plants, armor busted as planned. Franklin maybe dead.

Nanny chooses this moment to try to expeditiously retreat but Scary Susan rears her head.

If you’re not familiar, Scary Susan is the tendency of Sue’s modern personality to be “will fuck you up if you give her half a reason. Do it, jerk. Make her day.”

Some times it seems like she thinks of the most fucked up application of her power and just WAITS for a chance to use it. She needs an excuse. She’d be a monster if she did it for no reason.

Oh, the Spot trying to steal some of Reed’s technology. BAM FORCE BUBBLE IN HIS SINUS.

Yeah, Scary Susan.

Don’t cross her.

Nanny tries to escape, Sue catches the ship and holds it in place, and then the ship blows up from the strain. She contains all the wreckage and then dumps it into the nearby lake.

While Sue was maybe killing an egg and a child (they’re fiiiine), Reed was confirming that he didn’t actually accidentally(?) kill his son.

He can’t actually get the armor off here, though. Franklin was sealed into the armor and the armor is powered by Franklin.

Mr Fantastic: “Looks like Nanny didn’t expect to let him out again. And there’s technology here I’m unfamiliar with. A pity it died with its builder.”

Is it??

Like, science is neutral or whatever. But are you bemoaning the loss of child-powered robot suits?

Gilgamesh remembers he’s in this book so points out that the wreckage that fell into the lake wasn’t enough to be Nanny’s full ship. He guesses that the wreckage was a decoy that Nanny ejected so she could escape.

The Captain also remembers Gilgamesh is in the book now and asks hey who dis.

Gilgamesh reminds the Captain that they’ve fought together, during Eternals vol 2. But, hey, both of them were dressed differently and Gilgamesh didn’t have a name at the time.

For some reason, saying he didn’t have a name at the time doesn’t job the Captain’s memory. So Gilgamesh goes off on a whole speech.

The Captain: “Have you a name now?”

Gilgamesh: “I have had many. I woke when the world was new and slew dragons. Enkidu was my brother; Achilles my friend. I helped Aeneas set his standard upon the Palatine Hill... and strove beside David in the mountains of Judah.”

The Captain: “You’re the Nameless Eternal, the Forgotten One!”

Gilgamesh: “Indeed. It’s nice to be remembered.”

His response comes off as so wry.

Reed apparently listened as far as the first name drop and just decides this dude is Gilgamesh.

And that’s how Gilgamesh gets the name Gilgamesh. He was nameless up until this point, I just called him Gilgamesh for convenience.

Gilgamesh agrees that he was called Gilgamesh once so might as well go by that name now.

Now that Franklin is definitely saved forever, the Captain tells Gilgamesh that New York is swarming with demons and dammit he needs to put together a team, a team of Avengers! And Gilgamesh, monster hunter, would be great for that!

Now that Franklin is definitely saved forever, Mr Fantastic tells the Captain that as for himself and Sue, they’ve retired to devote more time to Franklin.

And while Reed is saying that, N’astirh kidnaps Franklin behind his back.

Just picks up the big red suit of power armor that Franklin is still stuck in and pulls him through a portal.

Plot is playing monkey in the middle with Franklin as the ball.

Reed tries to track the portal N’astirh used but since its demonic magical portal and not a SCIENCE portal, Reed’s at a loss.

The fantastic foursome of Mr Fantastic, Invisible Woman, the Captain, and Gilgamesh pile into the Fantasti-Car and fly around New York. Hoping that they’ll be able to detect Franklin’s unique energy signature.

Half-faded from existence Fred Kang though knows that Reed won’t be able to find Franklin with all the static being generated by Inferno. But his existence depends on them finding Franklin and reforming the Avengers! And Fred Kang is pretty sure he knows where N’astirh is hiding out.

So with his last seconds of existence, he activates an abandoned Growing Man.

Maybe this confirms that “Fred” Kang is actually the same main Kang that the Avengers tend to deal with over and over again. Since the Growing Man is presumably where the Avengers left it during issue #268: the Kang Dynasty.

With Kang, I find it best to just not sweat the specifics.

As the tiny Growing Man walks down the street, a demon actually spots him and decides to mess with him. And while the Growing Man starts off teeny-tiny and the demon is able to fling him around, he grows bigger and winds up hanging the demon over a lamppost like a wet towel.

With that done, the Growing Man follows the order that Kang apparently gave him to not be recognized by the Avengers. Uh, the whatever you call Cap’s group.

To accomplish not looking like a Growing Man when Growing Man he be, the Growing Man wades into some Inferno goo that’s just dripping off the Empire State Building.

It has mutagenic properties but eh Growing Man is a robot.

Now looking like a gross slime monster, the Growing Man walks off to find some Notvengers.

Over at wherever N’astirh set up shop, he plops armored Franklin in front of his demons and tells them to get to it.

For whatever reason, limbo demons are better at cutting Franklin free than Reed was. They didn’t even need specialized equipment.

Free of the armor, N’astirh jams him in some goo that will keep him asleep and siphon his power.

Geez. Franklin just keeps being used as a battery.

With Franklin’s power, N’astirh will be able to power up the portal bringing demons from Limbo. He’ll be able to move his entire army in an instant!

Ruh roh!

And rather than stick around and make sure this goes off without a hitch, N’astirh fucks off to another Inferno tie-in to sort out some business with S’ym.

Who is a Cerebus the Aardvark reference.

Anyway, the fantastic foursome of Cap and friends still haven’t been able to find Franklin’s energy.

Reed says he’ll search building by building if he has to but then there’s a big SKREEE-A-THOOM of thunder and the Captain asks Reed to detour.

It’s a friend from work.

(It’s Thor, doing what Thor does best. Beating up a pile of things and shit talking.)

Hey, remember how Thor disbanded the Avengers and took off with Black Knight to do Asgard stuff?

Black Knight is still with him!

He’s in a coma though.

I expect it’s serious.

Its kind of funny to me that Black Knight’s curse is so afflicting him that he’s become a prop.

No fooling.

Thor even tosses him into a vortex to keep him out of the way/safe while he joins Cap et al.

You could replace Black Knight with a bag full of fine porcelain.

Anyway, when they see that Thor is fighting demons, Gilgamesh gladly jumps in and starts punching. Thor doesn’t recognize Gilgamesh in his new armor or under his new name but is glad for the help.

(Side note: Thor and the Avengers apparently line up really well. He just returned to Earth in Thor #400 which came out the same month as Avengers #300.)

The Notvengers explain the situation to Thor off-panel and he agrees to join the team to help find Franklin.

And this is when he tosses Black Knight’s comatose body into a vortex for later.

Even with Thor, the Notvengers still have no idea where to look for Franklin and are thinking of splitting up to cover more ground. Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman will keep looking for Franklin while Captain, Thor, and Gilgamesh will keep fighting demons.

The Growing Man doesn’t want them to split up for some reason. Sure, Kang needs A Team of Avengers or else the future is demons forever apparently. But also, I guess he wants it to be A Team of Avengers that also has one-half of the Fantastic Four in it.

So demon goo disguised Growing Man throws a car at them.

Demon goo disguised Growing Man taunts that they’ll all die and then Franklin will belong to demons forever and then runs off, baiting them to follow.

Invisible Woman thinks this is clearly bait for a trap but eh it might lead them to Franklin and they don’t have better ideas.

So they chase.

Goo’d Growing Man tries not to make it too obvious. He knocks down some buildings as he passes, forcing the Avengers to dodge debris or catch it.

The Notvengers get in the Fantasti-Car so they can follow without being at falling building level.

The goo man leads them to the World Trade Center which is where the demons made their base. Also, its just covered in goo and gross. He starts climbing.

The Notvengers fly or stretch up to the top of the building. And Reed’s Franklin-Detector detects a Franklin so they’re sure that the “demon” led them to the real Franklin.

The Growing Man goops into the building. Thor wants to smash into the building with Mjolnir but a bunch of actual demons have shown up, wondering who the fuck is intruding on their cool base.

They attack the Notvengers while loudly announcing everything like who they’re working for and that they’re guarding a kidnapped child.

I mean. Limbo demons aren’t the brightest. They’re dumb enough to follow Belasco, S’ym, N’astirh, Madylne. They’re just a real pack of idiots.

Anyway, action scene. The Notvengers beat up the demons.

A demon: “Look! It’s them was on the view screen! The Dark Childe’s parents! They should be dead! Kill them!”

KA-POW

Mr Fantastic: “Mister, you just said the magic words! There aren’t enough of you in all the world to keep me from my son now! And in the words of my best friend, ‘it’s clobberin’ time!!!’”

I’m always a little confused how Limbo managed to kill or corrupt the X-Men when they came to rescue Illyana in the original timeline of the Magik miniseries. The same Limbo demons when invading New York just get foddered by any superhero that fights them.

There’s an X spinoff book of a bunch of mutant kids beating up demons during Inferno.

That’s besides the point though.

The point is that the Notvengers are kicking demonic ass and making it look easy.

Gilgamesh comments that Avengers Assemble isn't a great battle cry (shut your dumb, eternal mouth) but concedes that the way the Captain says it makes it sound cool.

Because, remember, everything after Stern was fired was meant to lead up to Steve Rogers taking his place as the one, true leader of the Avengers.

Methinks Gilgamesh's comment be shilling.

Invisible Sue ignores everyone else fighting demons and just wanders into the demon nest to find Franklin stuck in demon goo with a star drawing his super Franklin energy out of his eyes.

Sue figures this is Probably Bad. She thinks its maybe connected to the big pentagram teleporting demons into the city. Either way, this nonsense gotta stop.

So she puts an invisible force field around Franklin to prevent the star from absorbing his energy. But the star is still drawing his energy, it just can't escape the bubble. So it builds up and builds up and then explodes.

Luckily, Franklin is immune to Franklin so is unscatched by a massive explosion. And it even frees him from the demon goo.

I don't know if Sue thought that through so its lucky that Franklin was immune to Franklin.

Anyway, when Franklin was freed of the demon suck, the pentagram above the city also blew up.

So this is probably what Fred Kang meant when he ranted that there'd be a forever demon future if there were no Avengers. Except other tie-ins, X books, gave other explanations for why the pentagram blew up. So probably the Notvengers accomplished nothing but saving a child. Which is pretty cool but other groups saved more children during this same event.

The demons present do freak out that the pentagram has been destroyed. N'astirh is gonna be peeved! Unless maybe they beat up the intruders??

Except these same intruders have been kicking their asses and continue kicking their asses.

I mean, we've got a god, someone who has been mistaken for several different gods, coolest man on Earth Steve Rogers, and also Mr Fantastic who is slingshotting the demons at Thor and Gilgamesh to beat up.

After everyone but Sue finishes beating up literally everyone, the demons emit pink smoke and then disintegrate.

Thor and the Captain tell Gilgamesh that he's pretty cool and asks him to stick around.

Gilgamesh: "Will there be more monsters?"

The Captain: "Mister, fighting monsters is what the Avengers does best!"

I dunno about best but they do fight a fair number of monsters.

Mr Fantastic asks Invisible Woman how Franlin is. She says he's asleep but seems fine. But insists that they get him home and having a doctor look over him is probably a good idea too.

I guess it looked like Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman wouldn't be joining this new Avengers group the Captain is trying to put together because the Demon Goo Encrusted Growing Man pops up again to give them a common threat.

He shakes the World Trade Center tower, threatening to knock the whole thing down.

... Ah, things that are slightly awkward in hindsight.

And I just learned that one of Marvel's favorite ways to imply an alternate history is to show the World Trade Center still around.

I no longer think that demons infesting the building and a future robot trying to shake it down are that awkward in comparison.

Thor throws Mjolnir at what he thinks is another demon. But when getting bonked in the head by a speeding uru mallet makes the monster grow instead of fall down, Thor realizes that this gross goo dripping guy isn't a demon. It's Growing Man!

The Captain seems annoyed that Kang is somehow involved in this. Because, y'know, we're already dealing with a demonic invasion! Geez!

Mr Fantastic says that figuring out Kang's involvement is a problem for later. The problem for now is that this new proto-Avengers team is very heavy on the punching which is bad for facing a foe that absorbs kinetic energy.

So Mr Fantastic streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetches all the way back to the Fantasti-Car.

He makes some adjustments to the front thrusters and FTZAPT!s the Growing Man and then BEEYOOOW!s him.

Even though Mr Fantastic asked the other heroes to not punch Growing Man until he figured out a way to deal with him, Thor and Gilgamesh get bored and jump off the World Trade Center to start punching a Growing Man.

Luckily, Mr Fantastic’s efforts have been successful.

Instead of getting bigger, Thor and Gilgamesh’s blows make the Growing Man into a Shrinking Man.

He did something something science science and maybe reversed the polarity of the neutron flow so now he works backwards.

Thor hits with all his might and the Shrinking Man shrinks down to the point he can’t be seen anymore.

Mission accomplished, I guess.

Franklin wakes up and says he dreamed of “lotsa monsters!”

Reed tells him it was all a long nightmare. So I hope that Franklin doesn’t look around at the state of the city right now.

Thor and Gilgamesh and the Captain’s short term memory must be short because they repeat some conversations from elsewhere in this issue.

Thor again wonders at such a strong warrior as Gilgamesh exists without Thor knowing about him. Despite Cap earlier telling Thor that he’s met Gilgamesh before.

Gilgamesh has completely forgotten ever meeting Thor.

And they’ve all forgotten when the Captain tried to recruit Gilgamesh for his new Avengers team.

Cap again asks if Gilgamesh will join. Gilgamesh again asks if there will be monsters to beat up. And Cap again says yes.

Gilgamesh: “It has been long since I was abroad in the world. I would like to see what mankind has made of itself. And I have little else to do right now.”

Pfft. ‘Sure, I’ve got nothing better to do.’

Mr Fantastic reports from the Fantasti-Car that the radio reports that Inferno has mostly petered out by now. There’s still some demon stuff going on but, eh, other people are handling that. Want to go to the Richards’ house for milk and cookies?

As the group flies over New York back to Connecticut, they have a conversation about how the Fantasti-Car has been nicknamed Pegasus because Reed and Sue have been reading Franklin Greek mythology lately.

Gilgamesh (who seemingly was overlooked by the colorist in this panel) comments that he remembers Pegasus. And then implies that he himself was Bellerophon who rode the Pegasus and slew the Chimera.

God, leave some famous people to actually be themselves! This is why nobody likes the Eternals, on a personal level!

The Captain comments that he can’t tell whether Gilgamesh is bullshitting him or not but intends to get to know him so he can figure it out.

Later, after returning to the Richards’ Connecticut home and putting Franklin to bed, the Captain gives the hard sell.

The Captain: “Reed, Sue, we haven’t really had a chance to talk much... but after tonight, I’m more convinced than ever that the Avengers are not only useful... but essential. They’re needed. That’s why I was coming to see you originally. You’ve got the team experience... and the leadership qualities. Will you join us?”

Reed says he thought that he and Sue had to step back from the superhero biz to spend more time with Franklin.

Now, the way its phrased here, he makes it more about protecting Franklin rather than just being a more present father. Which is a change from how it was presented in Fantastic Four.

But either way, the events of Inferno made Reed and Sue realize that you can’t just retire from superheroics and rely on being left alone. Two separate groups came after Franklin.

Supposedly very quietly (but I spot exclamation points) this new team of Avengers piles their hands over Franklin’s bed and announce that the Avengers are reborn!

The Worst Roster lives!

So let me comment first on this as a milestone issue.

The Avengers don’t have good milestone issues it seems.

Issue #100 tried to be a good milestone with an Every Avenger Ever story but the writing wasn’t prepared to handle that many characters so some of them just dropped out of the plot for a while. And the villain was Ares and the only reason he was a threat that required Every Avenger Ever was that he’d randomly found Black Knight’s extremely cursed sword.

Still, They Tried.

More than I can say about issue #150.

That one built up a shake-up of the team roster. But was basically a clip show and hit deadline problems or something and reprinted half of issue #16.

Issue #200. Well, it was issue #200. It didn’t celebrate team history as a 200th issue. Didn’t try to incorporate Every Avenger Ever. And it had Carol Danvers get magically pregnant and elope with her new baby boyfriend. It was baaaad.

Issue #250 was a double-size issue which had the first East and West Coast Avengers team-up. The villain, Maelstrom, wasn’t anything special. But he presented stakes that required both teams. I call this a good but not great milestone.

And now issue #300.

Well. It boasts a revolutionary new Avengers roster, featuring two mainstays and three new members. It doesn’t really celebrate Avengers history. Kang is around but is only tangentially connected to stuff. And the Avengers milestone is just another Inferno tie-in. It’s a decent tie-in, if we must tie-in. I can’t say that the story is as insulting and stupid as the undermining of Monica Rambeau or the Dr Druid ruins everything issues. But this is nothing special for an Avengers milestone, especially since this revolutionary new roster will not stand the test of time.

So let’s get into the Worst Roster.

This is the end of Simonson’s run. Around long enough to finish demolishing the team and setting up a new roster that will itself be demolished not long after this.

It’s kind of odd to set up a new team and then leave the book. But apparently it was because of that new team that he left the book.

APPARENTLY, Simonson had gotten permission to put Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman on his new Avengers team. They were free agents at the time with the Thing leading the Fantastic Four. And Simonson likes the characters.

He got permission but it was revoked. Sales dropped on Fantastic Four so the higher ups ordered for Reed and Sue to go back to the Fantastic Four.

This pissed off Simonson, who just went to all the effort setting up this new team only to have two-fifths of it yanked away. So he quit. /APPARENTLY

So, we’ll never know how things would have played out if Simonson got to keep the team he wanted to write and stayed on the book.

I’ll comment how the Worst Roster worked under the writers that actually wrote it when I get there. 

For now, I’ll share some thoughts about the new team as a concept.

I don’t hate Mr Fantastic and Invisible Woman joining the Avengers.

I’m a fan of mixing things up. Putting characters in new contexts. Beast on the Avengers was great. What is Beast away from X-stuff? A real fun guy! His BFF relationship with Wonder Man was unexpected but they were a great duo.

The second roster of Avengers was all about this. What are Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, and Quicksilver away from their supervillain bad influences? They’re heroes is what!

I actually think Cyclops should join the Avengers! He deserves a little time away from X-stuff too.

And the Avengers and Fantastic Four have pretty close ties around this time. They’ve both housed the other team when they were having headquarter problems. Jarvis babysat Franklin for a while. There’s links there. And with Ben running the Fantastic Four, why not put Reed and Sue in a different context.

I’ve heard criticisms that say a leader type like Reed would rankle under the command of someone else.

But there’s two different ways that could go. Cap cited Reed’s leadership qualities. He may have wanted Reed to lead this new team. Only for Reed to turn this down because if he wanted to lead a team, he’d go back to the Fantastic Four. Uh, like he does do.

Alternatively, gosh, friction over who should lead the team happens so much in Avengers. It’s one of their recurring character beats. During Cap’s quirky quartet, both Hawkeye and Quicksilver argued that they should be in charge instead.

During Shooter’s run, there was friction between Captain America and Thor over how Thor was leading.

Hercules being a sexist dick about Wasp being in charge during Avengers Under Siege.

Hell, even recently you had Dr Druid standing slightly behind Monica muttering how if he ran the zoo.

Friction over who should be in charge is an Avengers tradition! Unlike X-Men or Fantastic Four, there’s not an assumption over who should be in charge. There was a revolving leadership during the first roster and votes for chairman during later rosters!

A power struggle between Steve and Reed! And look how the roster is set up! Thor would back Steve. Sue would back Reed. Would Gilgamesh be a tie-breaker? He’s leaning Steve, currently!

As I said. We can’t know how it’d play out. But Reed preferring to be in charge is a feature, not a bug.

The team doesn’t have to be a perfect, happy family right off the bat. It just needs to have interesting character dynamics.

I’ve mostly talked about Reed here. I have no problem with Invisible Woman being on the team either. She has interesting powers, is legitimately strong enough that she’s not automatically overshadowed by having Thor and Gilgamesh standing nearby, she sometimes has a personality. If this roster lasted, I’d be excited to see how she interacts with the non-Reeds. New contexts!

I’m mostly annoyed that its only Sue. Are we still doing the thing where we’re only allowed one woman per team?

We know Cap and Thor. They’re both very Avengers. No complaints. So what about Gilgamesh.

Gilgamesh. Is the weak link in the Worst Roster. I’ll defend the idea to have half the Fantastic Four on the team. But Gilgamesh is a boring option. Not bad, just boring.

That might be why Simonson wanted to put him on the team. He’s been used so infrequently that he’s a bit of a blank slate. And Simonson has written him before.

Gilgamesh claiming that any given myth or legend was actually him could be fun, mostly if he’s just lying about some of it.

But having another strong godly dude next to Thor isn’t the most inspired choice.

I think there’s a reason why Sersi becomes the go-to Eternal for Avengers stuff. She’s fun and has interesting powers. From what I hear, when she is an Avenger she’s used in the most boring way possible (love triangles) but still.

So to teal deer. If this Worst Roster wasn’t infamous for getting almost immediately abandoned. I would be excited to see how it plays out.

That’s the real reason why its the Worst Roster. Not who was part of it. Because Marvel didn’t even have the guts to stand by it.

And also because Reed and Sue quit so quickly we never even got to find out if they’d keep wearing their FF jumpsuits with the 4 on them. Would they have taken a sharpie and extended the 4 to an A? Would they have gotten individualized costumes just for this?

We’ll never know!

Curse you, Marvel! Curse you!

Follow @essential-avengers​ because I’m willing to give dumb ideas a chance. This is often a character flaw. Reward me for it with likes, reblogs, and comments.

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Campaign 3 Episode 70

Thursday Night on WEDNESDAY Night this time ... crazy ... with a bit of luck we should be back to NORMAL schedule for next session. In the meantime ...

Matt: "What are you putting on your head, Sam?" Me: "Oh gods ..."

Yeah, this is gonna be so bad. Are we looking at a recipe for motion sickness this time? Marisha: "You're so close to me, stop!" Sam: "The hood is saying I should battle Travis!" Travis: "I will destroy you." Yeah ... Sam: "Laura, maybe you should --" Laura: "Stay away from me, Riegel!" Also yeah ...

Ooh, delicious pastries ... damn you, now I'm hungry again ...

Ah yes, the end of Shithead ... Sam: "That was the first main character death in a long while." XD

Back in Bassuras, then ... okay, what's going on here, then? Oh lovely, more god police, that's lovely, that is. Apparently Vasselheim has come ...

A skyship just BLEW UP? What? I'm sorry, what the actual?

Hmmmm ... is there some casual insurgency going on here right now, perhaps? Interesting.

Ashton: "It looks like we might have walked in in the middle of someone else's issue here." Yeah ...

Issues? Hmmm ... so ARE THERE problems with the skyships or IS THIS some kind of uprising?

Oh yeah, Kimothee Chalamet, of course ...

Kiki bird! Awwwwwww ...

FCG; "When a dead lady's worried about your health you should listen."

AAAHH!!! Fucking crawler! Watch it!

Keyleth going solo ... yeah, I am NOT too confident about that ...

Wait ... is Travis rolling an insight check on the TRESHI BALL? Like a Magic 8 Ball?

Off to Joe's, then ... ah, yeah, still early ...

Trap check? Oh boy ... please don't pull a drunk Nott, Chetney ...

Chetney unlocks the door, then Imogen uses her Mage Hand to open it ... before Laudna has a crack at just SCARING THE FUCK out of Joe ...

Wait ... has something HAPPENED to Joe? Oh fuck ...

Wait ... NINE PEOPLE in here? Crazy ... oh shit, what's THAT?!!! Fuck, emergency dex rolls! Crap!

Awwww ... Chetney protecting Imogen ... which has NO effect on what happens at all ...

Lightning damage? Crap ...

Meanwhile Fearne and Ashton are round the back ... did they just do that to keep from suffering ill effects? Bit sneaky, guys ...

Laudna Spiderclimb! Yay! Always fun ...

Ashton turns his hammer into a platform for Orym to climb over the fence. Cute ...

Ah, an ambush ... of course ... oh, is Joe alive, then? Hmmm ... oh no, more bad guys ... oh no, THERE'S Joe! Phew ...

Stealth good, Orym ...

Back door? Okay, somebody coming ...

Layout? OH YAY!!! Battlemap!

Oh sweet ... Nice place, Joe! And Sam TOTALLY ballses up the plug ... XD

Shield of Help? Nice ... additional AC to Dancer, that's sweet, Letters.

Interpretive dance? Imogen: "Are you confused?"

Yeah, not sure SUMMONING THE BEES is a good idea, Laudna ...

Every time Marisha starts PERCHING I know we're proper in the shit ...

Balls ... here we go all too soon ...

Wait, WHAT?!!! Fuck AND it's a sneak attack? Fuck ... Laudna, NO!!!

Roll for Initiative! YEAH, NO SHIT!!!

Wow, these are some HIGH initiative scores, guys! Is that good? Oh, except for Imogen ... 5? Ouch ...

Dancer rolled a NAT1? Oof ...

Laudna up FIRST? Oh fuck ... yeah, Form of Dread IMMEDIATELY. She is PISSED, clearly ... a FIREBALL?!!! You're sure about that play?

Boom! Crap ... black powder? Oh shit ...

NOW we roll damage? 25 points of Fire damage? Oof ... and ROLL FOR FEAR!!! Yup ...

Yup ... scuttling Laudna for the maximum creep factor ...

Oh, that was almost hairy ...

Whoa, full on MONK SHIT?!!! Great ... that's not good at all ...

Save the mini, Matthew!

Bird skull? DUSKMAVEN!!!

Shield! Nice save, Laudna!

Fucking Paragon's Call! Damn it ...

Fearne does a Mirthful Leap and Travis does a goat bleat ... XD Oh, hello Mister! Oh, she DOES have Sneak Attacks? Hmmm ... but she's already moved ... crap, now she has POPPED HER KNEE!!! Great ...

Okay, flaming monkey shit! Here we go ...

Dragonborn? Okay, then ...

Shit! Sneaky monk ninja shit! Oh fuck ... TWO attacks hit? No, Fearne! Aaaaaargh ...

Here we go, invidible Chetney on the attack! Go, wee man! Blood Curse of Bloated Agony? Here we go ... but NOT invisible now ... balls, znd now he's using the sword for the first time? Hmmmmm ...

The talking sword DISTRACTS Chetney enough to full on MISS the first hit ... but at least the SECOND one hits ... wait, he's CHARMED now? How the fuck ... Chetney, you spawny bastard ...

General Ratanish? Oh fuck ... and HE'S RAGING!!! Shit ...

Fuck, Chetney gets hit BAD ... ouch ...

FCG: "Dancer, hide, use your Pussy for protection if you have to!" Oh my gods ...

Banishment? Fuck, Sam ... Holy shit, Ratanish rolls a ONE for Charisma? Fuck ... yeah, HE GONE ... For a minute. Use it wisely, guys!

Wait ... did they MISS? Oh no, now Chetney's BAKING inside his armour ... 12 points of Fire damage? CRAP!!!

Yes ... get the dick monk, Ashton! CHARGE!!! Advantage since he's Raging ... here we go! Beat that monk ass WHOLESALE, Ashton! Boom! Yeah ... 20 points of damage AND a strength save? Okay ... and he SHOVES her! Okay ... Chaos Burst? Reckless ... whoosh ... POW!!! What's THIS gonna do? 23 points of damage in the back of the head? Ouch ...

Orym is GTAing a crawler? Crazy ... yeah, that didn't work ... and now it's just a fucking TIME BOMB ... rescuing Fearne instead, then ... crap, no hit ... TWICE? Bollocks ...

Scared guy attacks Chetney and HITS?!!! Crap ... strange confusion ensues as the Charmed one PROTESTS ... oh, interesting save ...

Dragonborn attacking Fearne ... oof .. thanks to Orym at least, only SIX points of slashing damage ...

Imogen just PUNTED the monk off the roof? Sweet ... heading in, then ... help Chetney, girl! 4th Level Lightning Bolt? BOOM!!! Not great damage, though ... 10 points only ... nuts ...

Dancer is JOINING the fight? Okay ... oh, SHE'S helping Chetney? Okay then ... Cure Wounds through Pussy 2? Yeah, that causes a lot of unnecessary jokes ... and she's peacing out again ...

Spell Sniper? Oh that's cool ... whatcha gonna do, Dead Girl? She hits one ... but at least it's the one she WANTS ... 12 and 9 damage ... and that's it for the Charmed condition, then ...

Step of the Wind ... AND Flurry of Blows? Crap ... except it MISSES FCG on the first ... but the second hits! Crap ... punted! Ouch ... oh no, the Banishment? Oh thank gods that held ...

Scorching Ray in Melee? Hmmm ... okay, Charm Person instead? Okay ... it works! Nice ... and she STEALS HIS CROSSBOW?!!! Cute ...

Laura thanks Keyleth for leaving just before they REALLY NEED HER ...

Mister's TAKING DAMAGE?!!! My gods, that NEVER happens!

Taliesin: "I have a dumb plan that may or may not work." Travis: "I love those."

A miss on the knife throw ... but it HITS the core? Crap ... and NOW Matt finally crit-fails ... oh my gods that couldn't have happened at a better time ...

"Chetney Tatum"? Yes, that IS terrifying ...

Laura: "God, I hate him! I never thought I'd MISS Craven Edge!"

Chetney gets the HDYWTDT!!! Nice ...

Is there an ON switch? Yeah, dunno if THAT'S a good idea ...

Meanwhile they're all comparing him to a border collie obsessed with the sword ... XD

13 points restored from a Healing Word on Chetney? Nice save, FCG! Then he goes to attack the monk with thesaw blade ... AND HITS!!! Nice ... Divine Smite? Sweet ... 14 damage! Sweet ...

Shit, Chetney's STILL burning? Crap ...

4th Level Erupting Earth? What? Oh dear gods ... oh, that's NOT NICE!!! THREE of our group take hits? Crap ...

Oh balls ... goodbye Banishment ... oh no, scratch that, it succeeds after all? DON'T SCARE US LIKE THAT, Matthew!

Turns out the monk is a SMEAR now ... Nice ...

Ashton going crazy to rescue Fearne ... yay! Batter him, mate! Nat20! Sweet ... Crusher? Oooooh ... a BRUTAL Critical? Nice ... I love when he has to math it up, means it's gonna be SO HIGH ... 33 damage? Fuck ... AND he rolls ANOTHER Nat20 on the second attack! 28 AND pushes them back ... oh yeah, that REALLY fucking hurt, clearly ... Ashton, you scary sometimes and I love it ...

Orym is ONCE AGAIN gonnatry and steal the crawler? Hmmmm ... okay, yanks the guy out instead ... ties him to the crawler? Hmmm ... what ARE YOU doing, Orym? He keeps CRITTING the bike ... and a TRIPPING attack? Marisha: "Can you also steal the bike's lunch money?" LOL

Oh fuck, that worked ... and that guy just gets BLOWN THE FUCK UP!!! Nice ...

Oh I love that ... he gets out but then the second one FALLS ON HIM?!!! Oh yeah, Dragonborn is SO DEAD now ...

Oof ... that's 15 slashing damage against Imogen? How dare you, sir?

Laura asks how high the ceiling is? Hmmmm ... oh, okay, yeah ... "That's telekinesis, Kyle!" XD She just SLAMS the guy into the wall AND dumps him into the fire ... 22 damage! Nice ...

Pussy 2 and Shocking Grasp? Oof ... miss? Crap ... anticlimax!

Spell Sniper again, this time on the caster ... Eldritch Blast and A NAT20! NICE!!! And another hit! POW! And again, BOTH hit again ... yeah she is just POURING hits down on this fucker!

Armour of Agathis! Sweet ... and now she BOOTS the door open! Okay, then ... looking for Joe? That won't work ... so she sends Mister to Joe instead, but not enough movement to make it ... do he just chucks some more flaming shit instead. 12 fire damage AND MISTER GETS THE HDYWTDT?!!! Nice ...

Oh that's just ... he shoots the flaming shit IN THE GUY'S MOUTH ... fuck ... exploding head ... charming ...

Chetney bursts in ... "Hi!" Yeah, that WOULD be terrifying ... and bang ... oh yeah, this guy just gets SPLATTERED!!! Nice ...

Blood Curse of Bloated Agony on the caster? No they're too far away ... crap ...

Mass Healing Word at FIFTH Level! Okay ... everybody gets 10 points back ... Nice one, Letters!

And the Bolt Thrower at the caster ... DOUBLE crit-fails? FUCK!!! It just misfires entirely ...

The caster POLYMORPHS into a big fucking bird and grabs Joe and the other guy? Not fair! Attack of Opportunity! Turn this around! Come on Fearne ...

Moon sickle ... okay WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THAT RIGHT NOW? ONE POINT OF DAMAGE? SERIOUSLY?

At least it's now STUCK IN THE DOORWAY!!! Try again, people? Go, Ashton! Oh, BOOM!!! 23 points of damage! And yet it STILL keeps flying ...

Reckless, and he jumps, WORMHOLE STRIKE?!!! 22 points of damage? The bird pops and ... now EVERYBODY IS FALLING ONTO THE BROKEN FENCE!!! Matt: "And THAT'S where we're gonna go to break!"

And we're back! With Joe Bout to DIE!!! Do something, Ashton! Violent Gateway? Oh fuck ... and he has NO CHOICE in this ... SHIT!!!

Yeah, again this is just CHAOS ... Ashton catches Joe, now Orym's trying to do the same with the other guy ... but he's just a little guy! Is this even gonna work?

15? Hmmm ... 60 feet up ... oh boy ... Bait and Switch ... oh shit, so now ORYM is falling on the fence instead! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

Imogen trying to grab them both with her telekinesis ... CAN SHE grab both since Orym has hold of them? Fuck ... wow, oh ... no, instead she's just SHOVING THE FENCE AWAY instead ... so they just crumple and roll instead ...

And now the caster is KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!! Okay ...

So 40 seconds before Ratanish reappears ... TIME TO RUN!!! GO NOW!!!

The other one's a Lagamore? Bunny guy! Okay ...

Oh, they're gonna fight after all? Okay ...

FCG heels Joe a little. It's appreciated ...

FCG: "Dancer, you wanna come smash this guy with your Pussy?" Wow ... Samuel ...

Chetney is holding Inflict Wounds, Imogen's prepping Psychic Lance ... here we go ...

So we're ready?

Oh, so Laudna's summoning her Hound as well. It just DROPS from the ceiling and splats before reforming ...

Ratanish reappears ... and they all go OFF!!!

Chetney unleashes, Laudna casts Blight, FCG casts Scramble the Dead(with modem noises?), Fearne casts Scorching Ray for 3 hits but only ONE actually hits ... plus Mister chucks more flaming shit! Imogen looses her Lance, so he is INCAPACITATED as well as hurt! Orym just slashes at his weapon arm, which he fails so he drops his axe, then stabs him in the leg ... znd THAT'S IT!!! That's the HDYWTDT!!!

Wow, he DROPS Ratsnish so he falls at Ashton's feet ... who just delivers the coup de grace upon him in beautiful style! Nice ...

Well that's that on Ratanish, then ... oh, and the druid failed all his death saves too ... charming ...

Okay, here come Joe's neighbours to check on him ... oh yeah, nice save there, Joe! Way to cover for us ...

Oh, the lagamore is a woman? Okay. Who's this then? Verna the Viper? Interesting ...

So Ashton already knows of her? Okay ... specialises is strange esoteric explosives? Intriguing ...

Don't forget to loot the bodies! Laura is INSISTING!!! Ms Bailey, your Vex is showing again! :3

Oh, spoils! Goody!

Yay! Laudna gets some new bones! XD

They show Joe the harness and Verna is intrigued too ... oh, so they've been put to work by Ratanish after the Solstice? Hmmmm ...

A Brumestone nullifier? Gods ...

TRAVIS GETS A WHISPER!!! What is he learning?

They have a Whisper Sponsor now? Beard Sorcerer? What the hell, Sam?

Wow, cool go-bag, Joe! Yup, time to go! Need to go!

Oh yeah, need to meet Keyleth! What now, then? Need to move ...

Verna know the All Minds Burn? Intriguing ...

Fearne is STEALING SHIT on the way out just like you'd expect her too ... meanwhile Laudna creates a nightmare fuel booby-trap for whoever's coming ...

So where to? Hondir's place? Might be smart ...

Group Stealth Check ... with Pass Without A Trace ... HOT TABLE!!!

Wait, so is Hondir not here either? Hmmmmm ... yeah, he's gone, clearly. Just squatters ... crap ...

So they're staying anyway? Okay ... just resting then while Joe and Verna continue their inspection of the harness ...

Oh, so this would likely NOT be safe to use? Hmmm ... so it's gonna be a question of supplies and equipment ... where to go, then?

More Timothee Chalamet jokes ... XD

Calloway ... oh, so Verna knows Fearne's folks? Interesting ... but perhaps not surprising.

Short rest! Yay!

Residuum? Do they have any left? Hmmm ...

Two weeks ... sounds fair for such a specific job ... OH YEAH!!! Send them to Whitestone! Yes! Percy! Are we poking fun again?

Reverse the Funnel to siphon the power OUT of Ludinus? That's really smart ... would that work?

Is Laudna flirting with Verna a little bit?

"Suck in moon power?" That's a ... worrying idea ...

Ashton and Imogen sneak out to look for Pocket. Asking around ... Persuasion check? With gold for advantage ... nuts, they've gone underground. That complicates things ...

Weird shit? Oh ... yeah, I thought that would be it ... yeah, off to the All Minds Burn ...

Ashton: "Try not to read anybody's mind." Yeah, that is REALLY sound advice here ...

Oh, is this a goliath? Shady Sally? Oh boy ... apparently THIS is a name from Ashton's past ...

Debts to settle? Oh, that doesn't sound good ...

I see ... so she's one of Ashton's old crew, who abandoned him near death ... and he hits her! Okay ... and she catches it. Okay ...

Here we go ... and she FUMBLES completely! Oh boy ... Ashton just flips her on her arse.

Justi! Hey! I love this creepy bitch so much ...

So Ashton is proposing they clear their debt to him by getting the Nobodys back together to help fight against the Ruidus shit ...

Yeah, clearly NONE OF THEM are up to fucking with what Ashton has in HIS mind ...

Ashton's never been this deep in here? Oh, that's worrying ... and masks? Great ... not a scary sign at all ...

Oh yeah, this place is ALL KINDS of wrong ...

She lowers her defences a tiny bit ... a Wisdom save? FUCK ... oh yeah, this is some SCARY ARSE LOVECRAFT SHIT right here ...

"Pus coloured"? For fuck's sake, Matthew ...

A mass of organic matter ... oh boy ...

Yeah, I'm just watching Travis this whole time and he is NOT ENJOYING THIS AT ALL ...

THIS is the All Minds Burn? Oh my gods ...

Fuck ... Imogen, are you SERIOUSLY actually trying to COMMUNICATE with this nightmare fuel?

Ashton admits that his mind would hurt them without him meaning to ... that is interesting in a really worrying way ...

Imogen's memory lane ... sweet experiences intermixed with her most awful moments ... fuck ...

Whoa ... it wants to see the moon? Intriguing ...

The Brood Pit? Dear fucking gods ... "It wants to be seeded." Okay ...

So the idea is, if they go to Ruidus, they take this with them and leave it up there ... riiiiiiiiiight ...

Justi: "It means no harm, it's just ... lonely." Okay then ...

Imogen: "Well, that is NOT what I expected it to be." You don't say, luv ... yeah, Imogen, you really do make some very strange friends sometimes ...

Ashton: "I've spent my entire life taking up space and being ignored, and I've learnt that it's the things you ignore that get you in the end."

Laudna: "It's happened! Ashton's finally abducted Imogen!"

I love how much Imogen is geeking out telling Laudna about what she's just experienced, it's absolutely adorable ...

Stealth check with Pass Without A Trace ... and Marisha still completely TANKS her roll ... blimey ...

SQUIRREL KIKI!!! It's got antlers and everything! Adorable!

The Bloody Bridge? Yeah, that fits ...

So it's chaos, then? Sounds like business as usual in Exandria again.

Yes. Whitestone is the smart move here. Do that.

Introducing Keyleth proper to Joe, Verna and Dancer. Okay ...

Jirana the Shore Shrew ... "Shoo shoo shoo" .. Matt: "I will murder you all." XD

Cool! Tree portal! Always fun ...

Yes! Get in there quick! Go! Stop with the advice Kiki! They go through ... and THAT'S IT for tonight!

[thirdlotusprince3]

Hetalia x Avatar the Last Airbender

Italy, how useless can you be?

Water. Earth. Fire. Air. My grandmother used to tell me stories about the old days, a time of peace when the Avatar kept balance between the Water Tribes, Earth Kingdom, Fire Nation, and Air Nomads. But that all changed when the Axis attacked. The three members of the Axis were Germany, an earth and firebending nation and Japan who was one too and Italy an air and waterbender nation but was also a very useless nation who also really liked pasta. Only the Avatar mastered all four elements. Only he and the Allies could stop the ruthless Axis. But when the world needed him most, he vanished. A hundred years have passed and the Axis is nearing victory in the War. Two years ago, my father and the men of my tribe journeyed to China, an Earth Kingdom to help fight against the Axis, leaving me and my brother to look after our tribe. Some people believe that the Avatar was never reborn into the Air Nomads, and that the cycle is broken. But I haven't lost hope. I still believe that somehow, the Avatar will return, and together with the Allies will save the world.

It was another day; Germany was walking when he found a stick. Then he saw a tomato cart and clacked his stick on it.

“Who are you?! I’ve been hiding in a box of tomatoes.” A mysterious and frantic voice replied.

“There’s nobody inside.”

Germany opened the box.

“AAAaaaah! Please don’t hurt me, I’m still a virgin!” the man cried. It was a man with bright auburn hair and a blue jumpsuit.

“Please I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!” he cried.

“You’re related to Rome right.” Germany asked.

“You know Grandpa Rome! Maybe we can be friends? My name’s Italy.” The man responded.

Then it was the middle of World War II.

Meanwhile Aang was in the middle of nowhere. Katara and Sokka found him in a large circular ice dome in the middle of Canada.

“You should stay with us. The axis might find you.” Katara and Sokka told Aang.

And in another part of the world, Italy was meeting up with the rest of the Axis.

Germany was talking with Japan.

“Italy is just so useless! I don’t know what to do with him, but my boss insisted I work with him.”

“I heard the Avatar has returned, and Prince Zuko is searching for him. Maybe Italy could prove some use and work with Prince Zuko.”

The axis met with Prince Zuko.

“Herro, we have an ar-rye to help you in your search for the Avatar.” Japan told Prince Zuko

“Okay.” Zuko replied.

Italy’s auburn hair and his face peaked out from behind Germany.

Germany moved Italy in front of him.

“Okay buddy, we are searching for the Avatar!” Zuko cried.

“Germany! Japan! What are you doing, leaving me with this scary boy with a scary scar!” Italy cried.

“Prove yourself useful and capture the Avatar with Prince Zuko, then you can return. Catching a group of kids, shouldn’t be too hard.” Germany told Italy.

“Wait! Wait!” Italy cried, Germany and Japan left.

“Okay. Let’s find the Avatar.” Zuko told Italy.

Zuko and Italy hid behind a bush.

“On the count of three we will sneak up on them and capture them.” Zuko told Italy.

“One, two, three!” Zuko cried, he leaped out. He saw Italy was still hiding behind the bush, so he pulled Italy by the collar, for him to join in.

“Avatar, I am here to capture you, and restore my honor.” Zuko declared.

Zuko looked at Italy. He was waving a white flag.

Zuko blasted fire at Team Avatar.

“Veneziano! What are you do-!”

“Go mister boomerang!” Sokka cried, he landed a shot and Zuko passed out.

“Germany! Germany! Don’t hurt me please!” Italy cried.

The avatar gang left.

Italy returned to Germany.

“Germany! Germany! I couldn’t defeat them. They were too scary.”

[mourningcandles]

I made this post about The Reluctant Director&Furnace&Cornelius, but I think I'll make a new one to keep talking about them. It needs to be a separate posts with tags like this.

#thinking about that time the Reluctant Director tracked Cornelius across the Hinterlands just to accuse him of a crime he didn't commit #despite having proof of crimes he did in fact commit #because they didn't care about the other crimes #they just really pettily thought he was involved in a different crime because they were jealous (platonic) #meanwhile Mister Fires was right there#both of them mid-stand off like ''where's Furnace Ancona and what did you do with her- wait I thought you had her'' #''I will make your life a hell'' what are you two #what is up with your rivalry #this post was brought to you by: Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine being on their platonic love triangle playlist #okay fine they did care about the other crimes but Furnace said fuck off when they brought it up so they did because they're a simp

There's a marked air of jealously between The Reluctant Director and Cornelius. It shows quite plainly in their interactions. It's a bit miserable, actually.

Speaking with Cornelius [...] "Did she show you her face?" Cornelius asks. "Perhaps I should show you mine." He unwinds the bandage around his head. His face is covered with tiny mouths, none of them bigger than an eye. When his first mouth is silent, the other mouths speak, or grimace. All these mouths give him a strange cadence; he speaks with one voice and another, like verses of poetry.

He has no way of knowing that Furnace has removed her helmet in the Director's presence. That is an assumption he makes, and that assumption is that Furnace trusts the Director. With that assumption comes some measure of disdain. But he doesn't know the context.

For reference, the timeline for this character's run is:

Start investigating Cornelius

Bring evidence of embezzlement to Furnace

Be annoyingly persistent (autistic) until she reveals her faces (plural) out of frustration and anger

Never bring it up again

Furnace goes missing

Finish investigating Cornelius and confront him

They wouldn't have ever learned what was beneath the mask if it weren't for Cornelius and his nonsense.

Hear him out His need to speak is electric in the air. Confessional The mouths speak: "This is what the Masters made of us." "Of Furnace and me." "Not because they have such power. Not because they even noticed us. But because in opposing them, we unmade ourselves." "The masters did not make the law, they did not make the Bazaar, it is best to ignore them, do not even bother to unbuild them, just ignore them and follow a different rule –" "– and here you are –" "– and the Devils took the Red position, neutral, both sides –" It goes on like this, on and on, a litany of thoughts from all the little mouths. At the end, Cornelius' central mouth says, "It was my fault. I called on the Discordance, I read the law of ice, I tried to enter the Adulterine Castle." He looks at you and you see a man who is, on the whole, sane. "I don't speak this way to everyone. But she trusts you, I think. And so I trust you, even if I should not."

It's honestly such a leap for him to extend even the illusion of trust towards a Director of the GHR who also has evidence against him (which he suspects) but such is the nature of their weird rivalry, I suppose.

Ask him where Furnace is Does he know? Lightning glance The tiny mouths and their many stories collapse into silence. "Does she love you?" Cornelius asks, with the one mouth at the centre of his face. "Because all the stories I'm hearing, the gossip on the rail – she's taken your side a stupid number of times." His eyes bore into you. You have an intuition: he does not know where Furnace is, but he would remove your liver with his hands if he thought that would produce her location.

The only thing preventing these two from throttling each other is that they both love Furnace. They are to some degree fighting for her affection despite both knowing full-well that she doesn't care about them that way in the slightest. The only thing preventing these two from throttling each other is their uneasy alliance, formed with the purpose of saving Furnace, perhaps even from herself, ultimately. Their methods and how far each is willing to go vary, but it does prevent them from throttling each other.

Also the Reluctant Director neither knows nor cares whether this feeling in romantic or platonic, both in their own case and in the case of Cornelius. In the end they like Furnace and they think Cornelius is a prick and a freak. They will admit that they are also a freak, but they are under the illusion that they are less of a prick. They are not.