#mean i'm also fine with being fairly open about stuff like the alcoholic in our family etc. we dont have any weird family secrets that no

[scentofpines]

my brother visited us today and OH MY GOD AM I GLAD HE'S FINALLY GONE. i cant pinpoint exactly what it is about him but i find him so hard to deal with. he seems very "unproblematic" for lack of a better word and chill and nice etc. but he is also kind of a control freak (in a subtle way) and VERY patronizing and he always inquires (not asks lmao) how i am doing and i always dread this question bc he just won't let it be when i say i'm fine and always sorta wants me to pour my heart out to him?? And I. just dont want to??? Lol. Like today he asked again "how are you?" and I said I'm pretty good BECAUSE I ACTUALLY WAS OK I WAS FEELING WELL and then he was like "yeah? really?" in a very questioning voice ughhhhh. i fucking hate this, it also just feels kind of devalueing to my progress. like i'm having a fairly good time and then there's this dude basically reminding me that i'm supposed to be depressed bc i guess that's just my personality. this doubting thing he always does just pisses me off so bad.

and then later we were just completely casually chill chatting together with my mom and out of fucking nowhere he was like "so what about therapy for you?" and I thought i didn't hear him correctly and I was like????? What the hell are you talking about? And then he just kept saying that i should try therapy again and i was very confused bc it came so suddenly and also i am currently absolutely not planing on doing a therapy. i had my share of experiences with therapists and i'm just not up to it right now. but he was very pressuring like "it could really help you" etc. and kept saying all this shite as if i myself have actually NEVER thought about this. (he is like this very often, for example when my mom and i talk about how we are planning on moving to south west france in the future, he is always like "do you know how complicated it is to move to another country??? do you know how hard it is to take care of a farm???? do you know they speak french there????? do you have brains?" SHUT UUUUPPP) and the thing is when i push back then and voice my opinion of not wanting to do this or, like in the "how r u" situation, insist on being fucking FINE or even just saying or heavily implying that i do not want to talk about this stuff with him it ALWAYS makes me look like i have an even bigger problem because 1) i "lie" about how i'm doing 2) i don't open up about my feelings to anyone 3) i am an idiot that refuses therapy. HE ALWAYS MAKES IT LOOK LIKE THIS with the the way he speaks to me.

I know he means well but it just feels extremely annoying, nosy and infantilizing.

[khhstan-blog]

A Night Out

Person: Keem Hyoeun

Genre: Fluff

Warning: None

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”Come on y/n.” Layla says while nagging me. ”You know I'm not into stuff like that. Let me stay home in peace and quiet.” My friend Layla had invited me to this party at Dok2’s new home in L.A so she could try to get boo’d up but she wanted to me to go with her an I was not feeling it. I'm a quiet girl who likes to stay to herself and have fun on her own. Going to wild parties with drunk people, horny women and men and groupies was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment but I'm not gonna lie, getting drunk would be nice right now.

”I don't even have anything cute to wear” I said. ”Girl, you know I have the perfect outfits so, I got you.” Layla says with a wink and runs to her closet. I also forgot to mention, Layla is my college roommate. She's the complete opposite of me. She's wild, crazy, and a hoe, but she's been there for me since day one. I get up to go follow her to see what crazy outfit she would pick out for me. I was in pure shock when I saw what she picked for me. ”Lay......You must have lost your damn mind!” I yell. Layla layed out a black and red mini dress with the craziest black hooker heels I have ever seen. The accessories were cute though. I gave her the harshest glare I could give her. ”Come on y/n. You know you would fye as hell in this. If it's that bad then trade outfits with me.” She pointed to her outfit. There was a silver crop top with black leather pants and a cute pair of silver and black pumps. ”Alright, let's trade.” I said. Layla cheers and hugs y/n tightly. ”Okay okay bitch.” I said while pushing Layla. ”Hurry up before I change my mind. ”Alright jeez.” Layla says while rolling her eyes and takes her outfit to go change.

_________________________________________________

Me and Layla called an Uber to the party. Once we arrived, I got really nervous. We arrived to a huge penthouse full of Korean celebs, groupies, and drunk people. I knew instantly that this was out of my element but it was too late to leave. ”Come on y/n.” Layla yells while dragging me. ”Lets show them how we party.” Once we get inside, I'm in pure shock. The place was gorgeous. There was a huge turquoise indoor pool, a huge bar and a beautiful chandelier in the living room. I even saw a few rappers I had heard of. ”Beautiful huh?” I turn around to see the man of the house, Dok2. I was in pure shock while Layla was planning how to snatch Dok2 up. ”You're home is beautiful.” Y/n says. ”Thank you. All my hard work paid off and now I'm living life. Make sure to enjoy yourself while you're here.” Dok2 says while smirking. ”We most definitely will.” Layla says in her seductive voice while pushing me to the side. I could have popped her upside her head for that but that's her. I decided to walk off to the bar and go get a drink to chill my nerves.

There were so many people around including some of my favorites like The Quiett, Jay Park, Tiger Jk, and more. They were all throwing drinks back, chatting and hollering at a few groupies that were there. While sitting at the bar, Layla comes and tries to drag me off the bar stool. ”Come on y/n. They're playing our song girl.” I didn't even realize our song Mommae was playing since I was so out of it paying attention to everyone else. ”Excuse me. Can we get a few shots of tequila.” Layla says. ”Are you crazy!? I don't want to get crazy drunk!” I said to Layla. ”Girl, bye. You need to get lit. You look scared as hell for no reason. Live in the moment for a while.” Layla says while giving me 4 shots. She smirked at me and I instantly knew she was right. It was time for me to have fun. I downed all 4 shots and dragged her to the dance floor. We screamed for the DJ to start the song over so we could get it popping. As soon as it started, we both took over the dance floor. Later on in the song, while dancing I noticed a guy with bright fire red hair was staring right at me. He had really dark brown eyes that pulled me in instantly.

One moment we were staring at each other and the next he started walking towards me. The attention on the dance floor soon went all to Layla so it was just me and this mysterious but fine ass guy. All I could hear was my heart racing. Everything started going in slow motion. I tried to blame it on the alcohol but I knew it wasn’t that. The mysterious guy came closer and I realized he looked familiar but I couldn’t figure out a name. “You’re a really good dancer. You should teach me.” The guy says. I tried to speak but everything came out like a stutter. “Th..Th..Thank you.” I said. As soon as he smirked, I wanted to drop to my knees from shyness. “My name is Hyoeun. Keem Hyoeun.” Keem Hyoeun!? Now I knew who he was. He was on season 5 and 7 of Show Me The Money and was the first artist to be signed to Ambition Musik created by Dok2 and The Quiett. I felt so dumb for forgetting his name.

He looked so young back then so I see why I forgot. “My name is y/n. Nice to meet you.” I say and slowly put my hand out for him to shake. When he grabs my hand, I wanted to melt. His hands were twice the size of mine and they were extremely soft. He was pretty close too so I could see his face more closely. He was fairly tall, had a cute but manly face and pink plum lips, and a long but slim body. He was wearing a short sleeved black adidas shirt with black adida jogger pants and a pair of red and black adidas. I also noticed his huge Rollie on his right hand. “Your Rollie is nice.” I stupidly said. “Thanks.” He says while laughing. “I got it as a gift from Dok2 and The Quiett.” He starts to step a little closer and I get a whiff of his cologne. It was strong but had a sweet balance to it. He started liking his lips and opened his mouth to talk. “You know you’re...” Before he could finish, a tall but cute looking guy comes and grabs Hyoeun. “Aye, we’re all about to go racing in all of Dok2’s cars. Wanna come?” The guy says then looks at me and smiles a huge smile. “Waddup I’m Changmo!” He says in his broken english and puts out his fist for me to dab. “Hello I’m y/n.” I say while dabbing him back with a huge smile on my first. In the corner of my eyes, I notice Hyoeun glaring at Changmo like he wanted him to go away. Changmo soon noticed and said “You wanna go or... Y/n is welcome to come.” Before Hyoeun could answer, I spoke. “I think I’m gonna get going. My friend is really drunk off her ass right now.” I turned to the right and so did the guys. We all saw a girl dancing crazily with her dressed pulled up high on the bar. I was instantly embarrassed by Layla’s dumb ass. I silently cussed her out in my head.

“Well thanks for coming. Hyoeun lets go.” Changmo says while walking away and laughing at Layla. “Hold on. I’ll be out in a minute.” Hyoeun says. Hyoeun turns and taps me on my shoulder softly. I turn around and meet his eyes and instantly go back to being shy. “Since your going, I’ll help you get your friend home.” He says. I was shocked. I didn’t want him to keep his friends waiting so he could help me with drunk ass Layla but I did need the help. It was gonna be hard getting her off that bar top and out the door, so I accepted his help. We both walked over and Layla started acting a fool. “Heyyyyyyy y/n.” Layla says while sluring. This shit was so embarrassing I didn’t even respond. I started grabbing her legs to pull her off but she started throwing a fit. “If you don’t get the fuck off the bar, I’m gonna kill you on this bar.” I silently said to her. She proceeded to do what she was doing. Out of nowhere, Hyoeun grabbed her off the bar and motioned me to hurry out the door with him. While walking, I called an Uber that came just in time. Hyoeun put Layla in the back seat so she could lay down and chill till we get home. “Thank you. You really helped me. I’m sorry you had to see how she acted.” I said while sneaking a glare at Layla. “ No problem.” He laughed and said shyly. We stood there for a few seconds just staring at each other. “Well....I should get going. Please tell Dok2 that I enjoyed the party.” I smiled and starting walking to the front seat till Hyoeun yelled. “Hey wait!” He ran over to me quickly. “I really wanted to talk to you more and get to know you but it seems plans have changed. Sooooo....I was thinking maybe we could go out sometime.” He said “OMG YES!!! I mean... sure.” I screamed like an excited kid and fixed my composure fast after realizing what I did. He laughed the cutest laugh and took my phone out my hand. I was confused at first but realized he was putting his number in. “Text me when you get home okay?” He says while handing me my phone back. “I will.” I said while shyly smiling. He opened the front door to the car and let me get in. “It was nice meeting you. I’m really glad you came” He says while closing the door and leaning on the car. “Hyoeun! Hurry up and quit flirting!” I looked to see Changmo screaming while standing on top of a black and silver Ferrari. Hyoeun sent him a glare and Changmo backed off. I couldn’t help but laugh. “You should hurry and go. I’ll text you when I get home and deal with her. I’ll pay you back for helping me.” I said “Don’t worry about it. You can pay me back by going on a date with me.” He says while smirking. My smile faded and my mouth was wide open. “So cute.” He said busting out laughing and walking away.

I was in shock the whole ride home. The Uber driver helped me put a knocked out Layla in my house and went on his way. I cleaned Layla up and put her to bed. I made sure to leave some water and ibuprofen by her bed knowing she was gonna be hung over the next day. As I put on my pajamas and went to bed, I remembered to text Hyoeun. I sent him a text saying we got home safely and made sure to tell him to get home safely as well. He soon replied with a heart emoji saying that he was glad and he will make sure that he does so. I was kinda glad I went to the party. I may have went through hell with Layla but I met a really great and fine ass guy. I went to sleep happily.

[pbandjesse]

My back is hurting me all of a sudden. Today's been really lazy day but I think half I'm stressed about going back to work tomorrow and have I didn't have enough water today or yesterday. I'm going to try to go to sleep soon though. Hopefully my sick feelings will pass.

I keep forgetting that new years was last night. I didn't make the joke once today that I remember 2018 like it was yesterday. Which is terrible. We finish up the party and it was a lot of fun. I got to kiss James at midnight. We didn't do a countdown which I thought was funny. But we did fire the cannon exactly at midnight and the whole thing was very fun. I made Paul, the Taney curator, laugh because I was telling people to get off the ship at 1 exactly. Just tell then all to throw their alcohol away and that the party was over. The fireworks had been nice and I had danced a little bit. And I'm still in a very cheery mood but I knew that if I stop moving I would lose that and I would start falling asleep.

I spend a lot of time at the bottom of the gangway saying goodbye to people. Making sure no one was falling off the steps. One very drunk Irish man fell but he caught himself. And then he flirted with me for the next couple minutes before giving me his wine. I had a good time even though I missed being with Jess. I got to be with all my other friends.

After cleaning up for a bit I went to go relieve Chris, our big boss, down at the desk. Which was nice because I need to sit down for a bit. I ended up talking to these three very drunk girls from Georgia. And they were very nice and they told me their whole life story. Eventually though I went upstairs and helped clean up and put things away. It didn't take that long because there was a lot of us. Including some people that weren't even working just staff that came to the party. It was a really really fun night and I'm glad that I got to work it.

Me and James liked home. We did the first footing. And we both get ready for bed. But we were a little wired after biking so we were up for a bit. Both my packages came with four new Furbys. The 3 2012 models and one very tiny box that contained my baby sheep Furby! It was a baby and I'm so excited. I didn't put batteries in them I was just excited to see them.

We got in bed and we we're just laying there when all of a sudden I tell James that the months of July to November spell the name Jason. And he could not get over it like you so baffled and we ended up looking at the entomology of it hand reading series. Every word laughing it was very silly. It was also after 3 a.m. really need to go to bed. I put on a scary story and was able to fall asleep soon after that.

We woke up around 10. Sweet Pea was very chatty. He wanted to be fed. So I got up and went to get dressed while James packed up his bag. Fed the cat and headed over to James's apartment. To have breakfast. But really it was basically lunch time. So I had packed stuff to make a cheese plate as well.

Today was mostly a boring quiet day for me. I laid in bed while James made us biscuits. I have snacks and watched videos. Eventually we bike down to Whole Foods to get my package and pick up a few things. I got myself a salad. James got stuff for the pizza he would make us. And then we biked home.

It was very windy out so that was slow going. I was always about a block behind him. And then once we got to the prison we walked up the hill. There was no way I was going to be able to bike up that without hyperventilating.

We got back to his place though. I was a little overheated but it was fine. He spent the next couple hours making pizza dough and then all the ingredients for the pizzas. He wanted to make a French onion soup pizza for himself which is something he's done before. I don't love on you in so I do not have any of that. But he made both a mozzarella and red sauce pizza and a white pizza with spinach. They were both very good. But they did take him about 3 hours to complete and I always get annoyed when I think we're going to be eating food soon and then it takes two more hours. But it was fine I had my salad. And I wasn't actually hungry I was just bored. I have been in bed basically all day. At least I got to be in the same space as him.

I did spend some time taking pictures of my baby Furby who we named Pascal Lambert. He is just the cutest little guy. I have not put batteries in him yet. But I'll probably do that tomorrow. I don't think the baby Furbys move much besides their eyes and mouths. I don't even know if their ears move. I just know they don't rock. So if I keep batteries in is yet to be seen. But he's just so cute and I'm so excited about it.

I left James's apartment around 7. I didn't want to leave but I want to be able to get some stuff done in the morning and sometimes it's nice to be alone for a bit. I don't have to be embarrassed about things I want to do or worry about him being in the space. I don't think once you move in together it will be a problem but right now it's nice to have a little bit of space to ourselves.

I got back here and made sort of a list of things I wanted to accomplish. First I fed sweet pea and then I went and checked the mail. I unpack my backpack. And put some stuff away. I took the heater downstairs that I had in the living room so that I can work in the basement tomorrow morning. I cleaned up a little bit. And then I spent some time with my Furbys. Which is something I said I was going to do in the new year.

First I moved everyone over to the Bookshelf just so I could see everybody. Then I decided to unbox the spring Furby. Because I'm going to be keeping that when I think. Once I open her I realize she's so soft and she smells like soap. So I'm definitely for the time. Keeping that one. I named her Lil John because of the number she is. It's not the exact number from the song but it was close enough to make me laugh. Once I took some pictures of her with Pongo and Pascal I decided to open up battery packs on the 3 2012 Furbys I also receive last night.

Two of the three Furbys had batteries in them. Both of those were corroded on the inside. One was battery acid one with regular corrosion. I was able to wipe off the one fairly simply and put batteries in it. The one that had never had batteries in obviously had no problem. And both of them turned on right away. The third one did not turn on. That one would need more work but in the meantime I play with the two new ones. And they were not happy.

They both had angry faces and were growling and we're very upset. I asked my Google Assistant to look up personality types for these types of Furbys and apparently if you are mean to them, feed them too much, leave them alone for too long, 4 shake them too much they get an angry personality. And I think that's what happened to your. I try turning on black bean to give them a more positive personality to talk to. But it didn't seem to do much. Then I tried Coco, the new tidal wave Furby I got last week, because she has a valley girl personality. She is very very pleasant. She also speaks way more English. She talked to them and they kept burping and throwing up and making awful sounds and she kept telling them who and that they were dirty birds. So finally I had to just give them both a hard reset. And then they were much nicer and I think we'll just work from there. They're part of the three that I'm probably going to be home so I don't want to rehome them if they're not pleasant to be around.

The third one I had to clean off the inside with white vinegar and that took a little while but was worth it because once I turn them on you had a very nice personality. They're also a valley girl and that was nice to discover.

I sat on the ground and play with them for a while. Don't talk to each other. I decided to leave everyone's battery packs off so that I can take batteries out and put batteries in depending on who I want going at any one time. So I'm not just going to have sleeping Furbys that can be awoken by sweet pea walking into them. And for now they're all living in the Alcove next to the stairs.

After I finished with that I worked on my calendar for the month. And then I went to get dressed to go to sleep. I couldn't believe it was already 9. I've basically just been laying in bed with sweetpea for a while now. He's got his face on my face right now and it's very cute.

I'm both looking forward to and dreading tomorrow. I'm hoping to wake up early and work on Art. Have a nice breakfast. And then I want to get to the school around noon. Start figuring out how we're going to hang the kids work. Tiffany emailed me about possible change in who's teaching what class. And I still don't know what we've been teaching this week. So I'm a little frustrated with the lack of understanding of what's happening. But I made a lesson plan so if no one else did at least we know that we're going to be watercolor painting. So I hope that goes well and it all works out. Hope you all sleep well tonight. Stay safe out there.