#me: i'm getting close to the end! i've only got a few chapters left! it's so close!

[aparticularbandit]

also finished the outline, and it does look like thirty-five chapters + prologue (already posted) + epilogue.

i'm in chapter thirty-three, so i have. 33-35 + epilogue left.

...and the five remnants chapters i haven't written yet, but i think i'm going to try and write those in one swoop probably next week? i have a general idea what those maintain, and i don't expect izuru to show up until maybe the second fic (i haven't decided yet because i want to see him in dr3 before i decide what to do with him).

so nine chapters total left to write.

chapters are usually 2-3k.

that's another 18-27k.

except that the first remnants chapter is relatively short in comparison with the other chapters and i expect the others to follow suit - so those should be between 1-2k. so that's 5-10k + 8-12k.

except again that the prologue was shorter, too, and i suspect the epilogue will follow that, too, so i'd put that one closer to 1-2k and not quite 3k.

which is 6-12k + 6-9k. so 12-21k. roughly.

right now i'm at a little over 67k, which means 79k at the lowest end (i'd round up for 80k) and 94k at the highest end (and i'd round up for 95k).

so this thing will likely end up anywhere from 80k-95k.

and there's a second fic.

i'm tired. XD

[bruhstories]

Bet I

p.2 here & p3. here & p.4 here & p.5 here & p.6 here

summary: in-ho got a cat, and he needs a cat sitter while he is away on his business trip. who knew that meeting you would turn into a bet, a philosophy of what is moral and what is not?

pairing: hwang in-ho/the front man x civilian!reader

warnings & content: age gap, afab!reader, slightly detailed descriptions of reader's background for plot purposes, red text for in-ho, purple for reader, few mentions of Y/N (again, for plot purposes), pre 33rd squid game, canon divergent

w/c: 2.2k

a/n: i have no idea how many chapters this will have, but i'm trying to write each chapter for each day of the games. it'll all make sense at the end lol. i tried to do as much research about seoul and south korea in general, so please be gentle! i'm just an eastern european gal

tagging: @full-sunnies @xodilfluvr

In-ho got a cat — a green-eyed, silver-tipped Korat he named Eunjoo. He thought about getting a dog, but dogs were high-maintenance, loyal and loving, and his job didn't allow him a loving pet. It didn't allow him to get attached to humans or animals. But Eunjoo was aloof and independent, and only rubbed against his leg when she wanted food. She refused to be handled and rarely played with the toys In-ho got her, but the cat was a necessary soul in his empty penthouse. It still wasn't enough to fill the hole in his blackened heart, but it was better than coming home to nothing and no one.

Trouble came when In-ho had to leave for eight days for the 32nd Squid Game. He quite obviously couldn't bring Eunjoo with him, and he couldn't let her starve, either. Not only that, but her litter boxes had to be cleaned regularly, and she needed fresh water daily, which left him with only one option — getting a cat sitter, as stupid as that sounded. In-ho felt ridiculous typing the post on a website for dog-walkers and pet sitters, but he did it nonetheless.

Businessman going on an eight day trip. In need of an experienced person to do home visits twice a day for my Eunjoo. 30,000 won per day. Based in Gangnam-gu, Seoul. 

He attached a picture of the cat along with his email, and waited. There was enough time to select a sitter before he left, and he browsed several profiles of pet sitters. Most of them had fantastic reviews, but asked for more money. Typical, In-ho thought. How typical for people to ask for more than necessary. It wasn't as though he wasn't willing to pay more — he had enough money, and would gladly spend it on Eunjoo — but it was the greed that disgusted him. The audacity to ask for 70,000 won a day to feed a cat and change her water was insane.

In-ho closed his laptop and left it on his coffee table in the living room, then walked into the kitchen to feed Eunjoo. She came from her hideout at the sound of a can opening, cautious of her surroundings, then rubbed her head against In-ho's leg, patiently waiting for her food. The cat didn't immediately eat. Instead, Eunjoo waited for her owner to sit down and have his dinner, and the corners of his mouth turned into a half-smile. Better than most people, In-ho thought. She wasn't greedy, she was understanding in ways some humans couldn't be. And so, he reheated yesterday's bulgogi and sat down with a side of freshly cooked rice. Only then did Eunjoo eat her dinner, checking on him from time to time to make sure he was also eating.

Ding!

His phone lit up with a notification. In-ho unlocked it and opened the email he had just received from a pet sitter.

Good evening, sir! My name is Y/L/N Y/N and I would like to meet Eunjoo. I live in Guryong Village and can take the bus to Gangnam-gu whenever you need me to, as I am quite flexible with my schedule, but I need to be completely transparent with you. I've only taken care of my cousin's cat over summer, so I am not the experienced sitter you are looking for, but I am asking you to please give me a chance. Have a good evening!

In-ho scoffed at the words on his screen. He was specifically looking for someone with experience, but he appreciated the honesty. It was a rare trait nowadays, and he was a fair man who gave everyone equal chances. It was the root of his job, after all.

Tomorrow morning, 9 o'clock, Bongeunsa-ro 103-gil, across the street from Shinhan Bank. I'll pick you up from downstairs. Don't be late.

The clack of your heels irked you as you hurried down the street from the bus stop to the address provided by the cat owner. It was a sound you weren't used to, but you needed to make a good impression when lacking experience. People all around you were dressed in expensive suits and dresses, clothes you could only dream of wearing, and the cars that swerved across your path, nearly running you over, looked like they cost as much as your house. It wasn't the first time you walked around Gangnam-gu, but it was the first time you spent more than five minutes surrounded by people who lived lavishly while you survived on Samyang Hot Chicken Ramen Stew.

And yet, you wouldn't trade your instant noodles for samgyeopsal or bossam if it meant selling your soul. Because that was the price to pay for riches and luxury, wasn't it? No, you would make ends meet somehow and live an honest life without becoming a coldhearted monster, just like your father taught you.

You checked that the address in the email matched your location, and waited for someone to talk to you, unsure how they would even recognise you. Although, on second thought, the thin, flimsy cotton of your dress and loose threads around the hem were a dead giveaway that you didn't belong in Gangnam-gu. You didn’t belong amongst the rich.

"Excuse me, Miss Y/L/N?"

Turning on your heels, you were met by the darkest eyes you had ever seen, eyes that looked as though they had both witnessed and committed unspeakable atrocities. And yet, there was a strange remorse in them. The man looked around 45 years old but not a single gray hair on his head, which was ironic, because you probably had more white strands hidden in your locks. Your gaze darted down at his extended hand, and you shook it while bowing down as a sign of respect. 

"You must be Mr. Hwang. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to meet with me. I promise I won't let you down if you give me a chance!"

Oh, you were a talker. In-ho had met your kind before, aimlessly sleepwalking through life, serving no greater purpose except for entertaining those who rid the world of gamblers, addicts, beggars and thieves. Not that you were in any of those categories — In-ho didn't know you that well yet — but the way you presented yourself made him think you would have made a suitable player in the game.It was too late to recruit you now. Perhaps next year, if you made it that far.

You followed Mr. Hwang into the elevator, surprised that it wasn't stopping until reaching the last floor of the building, and when the doors opened, they revealed a small hallway with just one apartment. He had no neighbours above or around him, and you couldn’t begin to imagine how lonely it must've been. Surely his wife or girlfriend kept him company, or perhaps he had children — In-ho did look old enough to be your father.

He unlocked the multiple locks on his door — he must have been really rich — and invited you in. For a moment, a split second, you wondered if you had made a mistake coming there. The man could be a serial killer for all you knew, and with almost no neighbours, who would even hear you scream? You heard stories about wealthy people who took pleasure in hurting others. The lack of pictures of a wife or children only strengthened that doubt, but the intrusive thought soon dissipated when, from the corner of your eye, you spotted a silver tail hanging from a dining chair. 

Paying no mind to the tall double fridge, or the black U shaped velvet sofa that could fit your entire extended family, or even the view from his floor-to-ceiling windows, you kicked off the uncomfortable heels and got down on all fours, crawling closer to Eunjoo before sitting on the tiled floor with your legs crossed. It caught In-ho completely off guard — unpredictability was something that bothered him. Usually when he brought girls over they would bombard him with a million questions about his job, his car, his clothes, his bank account. You didn't, and it both infuriated and intrigued him. But then again, he brought you there with a different purpose.

"What are you doing exactly?" In-ho circled around you like a hawk, watching you intently. 

"I've read that it's better to allow cats to familiarise themselves with people instead of forcing affection onto them." You sat still, chin tilted upwards to look at him with innocence in your eyes. "I may not be experienced, sir, but I did my research."

He wasn't particularly impressed by your research skills, not even when Eunjoo jumped from the chair and walked around you, curious yet apprehensive. One paw hovered above the floor in mid-air, and her tail was lowered, almost touching the ground, as the cat slowly and cautiously approached you, sniffing the hand you extended. 

"So, what do you do for a living?" You broke the spell, not on Eunjoo but on In-ho, who was watching you try to befriend his cat. He hadn't realised he had been staring for longer than he should have until you spoke with disinterest in your voice. You didn't really care what his job was.

"Business." He simply said and you chuckled at his response. "Something funny?"

"I'm sorry, I just thought it would be nice to make small talk while we wait for Eunjoo to get comfortable." You shrugged. "But it's fine if you don't want to talk about that, sir."

Sir. It sounded so different coming from you and not one of his subordinates at the facility. In-ho quietly pulled a chair from under the table and sat down, but Eunjoo had finished inspecting you. She lifted her tail, the tip curled — a sign of playfulness — and you scratched her chin.

"Good girl, Eunjoo! I'm sorry, I don't have any treats." You sat up after the cat lost interest in you and hid behind the sofa.

"So you're inexperienced and unprepared." His voice was cold and judgemental and you lowered your head in shame.

"I'm really sorry, sir. I don't have a great financial situation, that's why I need this job. I can water plants and clean the house, I can even do your laundry and iron your shirts, and I don't want any extra money, just the payment for cat sitting." You sounded so desperate it was pathetic. "Please."

The last bit of your sentence was what caught In-ho's attention. No extra money? Who in their right minds wouldn’t charge more for additional services? Were you planning on stealing from him while he was away? Not that it mattered — he'd find you and kill you upon his return from the island if you did. However, he found it to be an interesting game, a bet of sorts. You would win if you were honest for all eight days. He would win if you stole from him and abused his kindness.

"You're hired." In-ho nodded, the look of surprise mixed with gratitude on your face making him feel like some sort of god.

"I swear you won't be disappointed in me, sir. I'll leave the house spotless every day, and I will take good care of Eunjoo!" You nodded eagerly, beaming at him.

"I know you will. She takes breakfast at 7 and dinner at 9, and there is an automatic feeder set at 2 pm for lunch." He explained and you took your phone out to quickly take notes. "Make sure you change her water in the morning and at night, and scoop her litter boxes every time you're here."

"...scoop the poop twice a day. Got it." You mumbled while typing. "Do I give her wet food in the mornings and evenings?"

"Yes, and please check that the automatic feeder is stocked. You will find all her cans and kibble in this cupboard." In-ho walked into the kitchen and showed you where Eunjoo's food was. There was more cat food in that cupboard than you had in your house.

"Perfect. Where is the bin room located?"

"Underground. The code is 456654."

"Thank you, Mr. Hwang! I won't let you down. Oh, I should give you my phone number, right?" You asked, feeling a bit awkward for being so straightforward. 

"Whatever would I need your number for?" He almost laughed. 

"How else would you see Eunjoo?"

"Right. Forgot about that." In-ho scratched the back of his head. He couldn't exactly tell you that there were cameras everywhere in his house.

"Two more questions. Am I allowed to play music or movies on your TV and could I take a shower after cleaning? I'm bringing spare clothes and my own towel and soap."

"Yes, of course you can. Please help yourself to anything you need. I trust you'll figure out how the coffee machine or dishwasher work." He nodded. 

"Yeah, I'll figure it out." You lied. You had never used a dishwasher before.

"Great. I leave in three days. Please be here the day after my departure. Here's the spare key."

"Thank you, sir!" You bowed and walked to the door to put your shoes back on. "Good luck on your trip!"

"Thank you, miss. Good luck to you, too." 

The bet was placed, the game was on.

[fanfictiongirlie]

Marvel: Unplanned Chapter Three

Parings: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First person written though)

Description:

"It says...it says it's positive doll" His voice matching mine in a quiet shaky whisper.

"Fuck... I'm pregnant?"

"Yeah doll, you're pregnant"

"Fuck" I whisper.

Rating: Explicit

Chapter Warnings: Mention of abortion, swearing. 

Chapter Words: 2,069

(I have the urge for every Marvel fanfic I write to have a seperate timeline where nothing bad happens, and everyone is happy)

A week later Bucky and I made our way to the Doctor's office, we had left the compound separately, not wanting to draw attention to ourselves, Bucky had met me in his car at the end of the incredibly long drive out of the compound. 

I hated the doctors, we sat in the waiting room, it was stuffy in here, full of people too, I hated it, but Bucky took my hand in his, holding it and doing that thing with his thumb, stroking the skin of my hand gently, it calmed me down. I could tell he felt nervous too, his knee was bouncing. 

"Hey...everything's gonna be alright doll" He whispers to me, there was a few looks from the others in the waiting room, they knew who we were, luckily people were scared of Bucky, and would never come up to him. 

"I hate the doctors" I whisper. 

"I know doll, I hate 'em too" He whispers back. 

Finally we were called in, I pulled Bucky's hand with me into the examination room, the Doctor I hadn't met before, but luckily she was a woman, I smiled faintly to her and she shook mine and Bucky's hand. I climbed onto the table and shut my eyes as the Doctor; Dr. Addams did her checks, once done she gave me a moment to dress. Once done, I sat nervously on the edge of the bed. 

"You're definitely pregnant" Dr. Addams spoke. "I'd say around 8 weeks" 

I didn't say much, but once Bucky and I could leave we did so, and got into his car. I stayed quiet on the drive home, not caring if anyone caught us getting out of the car together. Bucky followed me to my room, his hand never leaving mine as we did. Once in my room, and my door was shut I turned to him, tears falling down my cheeks again. 

"So...we're pregnant" I say, leaning against the closed door of my room. Bucky stood in front of me. 

"Yeah, doll...We're pregnant" 

"I still don't know what to do" I whisper. Bucky lets out a shaky breath, his hand moving to take mine in his again. He looks at me, his expression a mixture of concern and uncertainty. 

"Doll, I don't want to push you into anything, it's your choice in the end, but I just want you to know, that if you decide to keep it, I'm with you" He says, his voice so caring towards me. A few tears slipped from my eyes and onto my cheeks. 

"Thank you Bucky" I whisper, as I step forward into his arms. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Over the next week I spent a lot of time alone, thinking over my options. And I spent a lot of time crying, I had no idea what to do... At least I think I didn't. Only one option felt right, as scary as it sounded. I sighed and left my room, I walked through the compound until I found Bucky in the kitchen, along with Steve.. I sighed and walked over to the man. 

"Hey, can I talk to you?" I ask him, receiving an eyebrow raise from Steve, probably confused at the kindness in my voice. This was probably the kindest I had ever been to Bucky in front of someone. Bucky stopped his conversation with Steve and looked to me, his eyes narrowed slightly, he studies my features and stands. 

"Uh, yeah...sure" 

He follows me into the hallway, I walk a bit further, not wanting Steve to hear our conversation. Once alone, I stood and looked up at Bucky. 

"I've made a decision" I say quietly. I watch as his face changes into a inpatient expression, his body tensed, he reached forward taking my hand in his. 

"Okay...what decision did you make, doll?" He asks, his voice a bit hoarse as he responds. 

"I don't feel comfortable terminating...the baby...but I also don't like the idea of giving it away, so I want to keep it" I say confidently. I watch as Bucky's breath hitches in his throat, he said nothing for a few moments, stressing me out further. 

"You...you want to keep it? Raise it?"

"I think so...Only if you promise you'll be there for us" 

Bucky steps closer to me, his hands coming to rest on either side of my arms, holding me. "Doll, I promise you. I'll be there for you. For you and the baby, you won't do this along, I'm in it for the long haul, I'm never going anywhere" 

I smile softly as he rambles, his eyes full of excitement. 

"We should probably tell the team...wanna start with Steve first?" I ask, knowing telling the team was going to be...something else. Bucky nods eagerly, he takes my hand in his and pulls me back towards the kitchen. Steve looks at us, a quizzical look on his face as he sees us. He takes a sip of his coffee, which I look at longingly. 

"Oh fuck, I miss coffee" I say, off track. Bucky chuckles and nudges me slightly. 

"Right, yeah...Steve we have something to tell you" I say, Steve looks at the two of us, his eyes furrowed in confusion as he notices how closely we stood together. I watch as a hint of worry flashes in Steve's eyes, he puts his coffee down on the table, his attention completely on us. 

"Okay, what's up?" He asks. 

"Well it might be confusing, since Bucky and I are nothing but mean to one another.." I say, my words shaky as I talk. 

"Wait... don't tell me, you two...are actually getting along?" Steve asks. I chuckle nervously. 

"Not only do we get along...But I'm also pregnant" I say, my voice trembling. 

Steve's jaw nearly hits the floor, his eyes flicker between the two of us. 

"What? You're...you're pregnant? And..Bucky's...he's the father?" Steve asks. 

"Yep" I reply quietly. I watch as Steve's face goes through a range of emotions as he absorbs the information. Surprise, worry, happiness, and confusion all flicker across his features in a matter of seconds. He looks back and forth between me and Bucky several times before speaking again. 

"I...I don't know what to say...I had no idea you two were even able to have a conversation without insulting one another...let alone..having a child together" Steve says, his voice a little strong and stern. I shrink a little into myself, feeling a wave of emotions. 

"We...we've been sleeping together, for a little while" Bucky says, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. 

"This is a lot to take in" Steve says, he glances at Bucky, a myriad of questions in his eyes. 

"Yeah...I get that" I say, mumbling. I hear as Bucky sighs, he probably knows Steve is close to telling him off, understandable to be fair. 

"Bucky, I have to ask...how long has this been going on? And more importantly, when did you two start liking each other?" Steve asks, he reaches up to run a hand through his hair, usually his perfect tidy hair. 

"It happened a few months ago" I say first. I look to Bucky seeing a blush creep over his features. 

"Yeah...it was...unexpected" Bucky adds. 

"It was actually one of our arguments that started...this" I say smirking, fondly looking over at the kitchen counter. Bucky chuckles and nods, a small smile playing on his lips as he catches where I was staring. 

"Yeah..we got into a pretty heated argument one night...and somehow, things just escalated from there..." Bucky explained. 

"And now I'm pregnant" I say again, taking a deep breath "And I'm an Avenger...Oh fuck, I'm gonna have to stop Avengering" 

I whined as I spoke, it hadn't dawned on me yet. I frowned looking at Bucky. I watched Steve chuckle lightly. 

"Yeah...I hate to say it, but with the risk involved, it's not safe for you to continue any missions whilst pregnant" Steve explained. I groaned and glared at Bucky. Bucky winces slightly at my look, he takes a step closer to me, raising his hand to my arm. 

"Hey doll, it's not my fault! Steve's right, it's too dangerous" Bucky answers. 

"It is your fault! You put your penis in me" I argued back. I watched as both Steve and Bucky's cheeks flushed red at my blunt statement, Bucky's eyes widen as Steve chokes on his coffee. 

"I...yeah...I can't argue with that" Bucky chuckles nervously. 

"I should probably tell Tony" I say groaning. Bucky grimaces, he lets out a low sigh, unsure of what Tony's reaction would be. 

"Yeah...Stark's next on the list, he'll probably have a few questions" 

"Let's hope he's not mad for losing two Avengers" I say, knowing Bucky would stop missions when the baby was born. Bucky's expression softens a little, he puts his hand on my lower back and pulls me against him. 

"Hey...don't worry about Stark, he'll understand" Bucky reassures me. 

"Yeah..right I'll go find him" I say, moving away from Bucky, I could tell him and Steve probably needed a chat, I left the kitchen and walked through the compound knowing I'd probably find Tony in the lab, I walked in seeing him and Bruce, I smiled hopping onto one of the stools they had in the room. 

"Hi boys" I grin sweetly. They both glanced up from their tablets, smiling when they saw me. Tony walked to me, leaning on the desk in front of me. 

"Well, well, look who it is" Tony smirked "Long time no see, what brings you to the lab?" 

"I have something to tell you Tony...though Bruce you can know too" I say nervously. Tony raises an eyebrow, a look of intrigue on his face. 

"Okay, I'm all ears kiddo" 

I watch Bruce put his tools now, he walks to stand next to Tony, a worried look over his face, he could sense my nerves. 

"I'm pregnant" 

There's a beat of silence as Tony and Bruce process my words. Tony's eyes widen, his mouth falling open slightly. Bruce looked shocked as well, his eyebrows raised in surprise. Tony was the first to speak, his voice filled with a mix of surprise and curiosity. 

"You're...you're pregnant. As in...having a baby...pregnant?" He asks. I chuckle slightly. 

"Correct, that is what pregnant means" I answer, my sarcasm laced through my voice, the others would always tell me off for my British sarcasm, I couldn't help it however. I watched as Tony rolled his eyes, and Bruce scratched his chin. 

"When you say you're pregnant, how far along are you? And..do we know the father?" Bruce asked. 

"Uhh like 9 weeks" I say "And...yeah you... do know the father" 

Tony's eyebrows shoot to the sky. He glances to Bruce and then back to me. 

"I'm guessing it's not some random stranger...right? The father?" Tony asks. 

"No..it's uhh...it's Bucky" I admit. The look of shock over their faces made me chuckle slightly. I almost regret keeping what Bucky and I had a secret, I had a lot of shocked looks coming in my future. Both men looked at me in utter shock, like they couldn't believe me. 

"Wait..Bucky?! Bucky is the father? Barnes? That Barnes?!" Tony rambled. 

"The very one"

Tony and Bruce exchanged another glance, both still in disbelief. Tony was the first to find his voice again, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he finally speaks. 

"When...when did this happen? I thought you two couldn't stand each other" 

"We've been sleeping together, for a few months...secretly" I explain, my cheeks flushing red. 

"Months!" Tony near yells "You've been sleeping together for months? And now you're pregnant?" 

"Basically yes" I say, smiling. It still felt weird hearing the word pregnant. 

"I've gotta say, I was not expecting that, you really know how to shock us, don't ya?" Bruce chuckles. 

"Yeah...sorry about that" I say quietly. 

"Well congratulations" Bruce smiles at me, as he takes his glasses off, cleaning them. 

"Yeah congratulations, who woulda thought, you and Bucky, together, with a baby" Tony says, his voice still dripping with disbelief. 

"Yeah...thanks guys" I say smiling "Sorry about the whole not being an Avenger for a little while" I add with a sad smile, I loved going on missions. 

"Don't worry kiddo, you have to look after yourself first" Tony grins. 

I smile and hop off the stool, ready to go back to Bucky. 

"Thanks men" I say as I turn around to leave.

(I do not consent my works to be posted anywhere else, by anyone other than myself)

Taglist:

@quinquinquincy @jaybbygrl @wintrsoldrluvr @sebastians-love @learisa @hi172826 @ravennablue @purplecolordeer

[russellsppttemplates]

We learn to hold its hand (Charles Leclerc)

Two hearts that lost themselves in pain.

Two hearts that found eachother in love.

Note: english is not my first language. It's been some time since I posted one of these, hopefully I still know how to do it 🥲 A lot of changes have been going on at my job and I've been trying to adjust to all of it without loosing my sanity and writinb has been a good escape! I know this is a heavy topic, so proceed carefully, but I was feeling like writing this so here it goes... For those who are here and have stayed, thank you for being so patient and for staying - I hope this is good enough ✨️

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not taking requests right now, so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to send them in but know that I don't know when I'll be able to get to them!

my masterlist

Cw: cancer, death of close relatives (reader's and Charles' father), grief, hospital procedures

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3 @sltwins

"Bonjour papa", Charles greeted, running his hand over the photograph that was on the grave, "I just got back from the track where we did the testing for Sauber, the last one before the season starts. It's hard, but I'm not afraid", he gulped, "Because you taught me that, even if I'm afraid, I have to go with fear. To move forward, because that's the only way. In racing, I can do that, but I won't be able to continue my life without you because I won't be able to. I try. Every day, I try. For maman, especially, since she tries to be strong for me, Lorenzo and Arthur, and somewhere along the way, we gathered the strength we didn’t know we had, but when we realize it, there it is, supporting us. I'm sure it's you. Every day, I remember that afternoon when you taught me how to ride a bike. Your insistence on removing the training wheels from the big wheel that ended up with a wound on my knee and that made me scream a few times. I remember you telling me that there were worse things than that simple scratch. I never thought that one day we would have to face them and that they would be the main reason why you are no longer by my side", Charles wiped away the tears, while he couldn't help but smile at the beautiful memories that came back to him, "But more than that, I remember the day you put a kart in front of me for the first time. There, I knew it was love for life. Yes, like Francis Cabrel's song. Or that afternoon when I stepped onto the concrete of the best race circuit in the world. There, I knew that I would begin a story in which, even though I was the main character, I would never have been able to write all the chapters that have been completed so far without the help of your pen. That support, that dedication, that encouragement, that love, father. Without them, I would never be the Charles that I am today. There was so much left to say and so much to do. But I am grateful for everything we said and for everything we did. I remember you telling me that you could no longer be strong and you asked me to be. I miss you so much. I miss you so much that I cannot express in words. I just want to thank you for continuing to light my path and for being the best father in the world. You are not by my side, but you are on my side. I feel that, every day. Thank you for continuing to support me in every race and in every challenge that life throws at me. Thank you for being so present, even though you're so far away. I miss you every day. And I feel you with me every day. Je t'aime, papa", he says goodbye, standing up and shaking off the little dirt on his jeans.

He picks up his backpack and starts walking towards the cemetery exit, but a sweet, melodious voice makes him stop walking. Charles looks in its direction, observing a female figure who, sitting next to someone's grave, was quickly but skillfully strumming the acoustic guitar and, at the same time, singing the song he had included in today's conversation with his father. Je l'aime à mourir by Francis Cabrel. Charles smiles at such coincidence and turned his back, picking up his pace, but soon stopping again, feeling a great need to go and meet that girl whose voice conveyed the pain he knew so well - loss.

Charles swallowed hard and instead of walking away, he found himself getting closer and closer to the young woman who, judging by your physical features, was probably around his age.

He waited for you to finish the song to make myself present, since you hadn’t noticed him yet.

“I miss you every day, Lucas. I wish you were here. It would make everything so much easier", he heard you say, through tears, and he felt the impact of all her words. There wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t feel the same way.

Charles looks at the person you were visiting and his eyes almost popped out of his head when he notices the photo of a boy who couldn’t have been more than eight years old in that portrait. The date of death was twelve years ago.

"Who are you?", you ask.

Charles quickly woke up from his thoughts, focusing his gaze on you, now curiously appreciating him. The colour of your eyes, the way your hair fell down your back and your bare skin faacinaged him.

"Forgive me", he requested, a little embarrassed, "I heard you sing and I couldn't help but come here and tell you that you sing very well and that the person you dedicated the song to probably agrees with me", he replied and your shy laugh made him laugh too.

"Thank you", you offered, quite embarrassed, which was still funny, "He's my twin brother. He was eight years old when he left", you pointed to the portrait you had looked at moments before.

"My father. He passed away a couple of months ago", Charles decided to share the reason why he was also there.

"My brother had a rare blood disease, a cancer doctors were never able to identify. Chemotherapy and radiotherapy were not enough to cure him. In fact, the body of an eight-year-old boy could only handle so much at that time. I was the same age, but I will never forget my brother’s suffering and the strength he had until the end. My childhood innocence was taken from me that day. I am not an example to anyone. The true example of life left more than a decade ago, on a journey that still had a long way to go had it not ended the way it did", you said as you packed your things, letting your anger speak.

Charles noticed the crack in your voice and a few seconds later, he heard your sniffle.

The first instict he had was that he wanted to hug you in that moment and reassure you with just his arms, since words would never be enough comfort at a time like that. And at the same time, he felt that you needed to talk to someone who, being unknown and impartial, would never judge you for the anger you were experiencing.

"My father battled cancer for a few years but, unfortunately, he ended up losing the fight in July. However, the real winner is him. For so many reasons: for the way he faced the reality that was knocking on his door, for how he forced us to face it in the most positive way possible, so that it would become a little easier, and for the way he prepared us for his departure. He is a true hero. If, one day, I can be half the man and father that he was and is, you can be sure that I will leave this life happy", Charles spoke.

"They truly are the heroes who left early to prove that angels really exist", you said, looking at Charles intently in a way made him feel like an open book in front of the most beautiful reader he had ever seen in his life.

"I couldn’t agree more", Charles murmured, too caught up in the gaze of that twenty-year-old girl who was so much more like him than he had thought.

"Y/N", you held out your hand and he smiled at your introduction.

"Charles", he reciprocated, fitting his hand in yours, which you immediately shook.

And there, he knew that you were marked by the wound that would never heal and by the feeling that would never disappear: pain.

There, those two hearts that were lost in pain would be the same ones that would find each other in love.

.

Charles got up from the floor, after the usual daily conversation he shared with his father after training. He noticed you in the same position you had been in before, but this time, you were reciting poems from a small book you had in your hand, completely distracted from your surroundings.

It was the first time in almost three weeks that he had seen you again. You had stopped showing up at the same time as he did and for a moment he thought you were avoiding him. But he soon put those thoughts aside. After all, if you didn’t even know each other that well, what was the need?

“Y/N", Charles said as he approached you, alerting you of his presence.

You looked at him with a shy smile and immediately stood up as well, "I haven’t seen you around here since", he added and you laughed softly.

"In the last three weeks, I came in the morning, because of the internship I'm doing. I had to change schedules with a colleague and I couldn't come in the afternoon. Now everything is back to normal, so here I am", you explained and he nodded in understanding, "You never miss your schedule", you pointed out it was his turn to laugh.

"This is the best time for me to come because this way, I can spend more time with my father before the cemetery closes", Charles explains and you nod, "Hmm, I really like talking to you but, is it just me who thinks we're not in the best place?".

Your beautiful laugh makes him laugh too, "Without shadow of a doubt", you agreed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"I bet you're hungry", Charles assuredly and you laughed again.

"Very", you dmitted, blushing, which made him smile at your embarrassment, "the line at the bakery in front of where I work was too long and, I'm sorry, but patience has never been my strong point", you defended yourself and he giggled.

"So it's better to go without food...?", Charles quirked an eyebrow as he asked, surprised and you laughed, rolling your eyes.

"I wouldn't go without food, obviously. I was just going to have to snack something later", you shrugged.

Once you stood outside the cemetery, you looked at each other intensely, not knowing what to say, "Would you accept an invitation for a snack?", Charles gathered the courage to ask and it was your turn to laugh at his shyness.

"Yes", your positive answer made him smile.

"Do you have a car?", he asked and you said no.

"Not yet. It’s at the mechanic’s", you made a face of disgust and Charles laughed, "the good news is that my father can pick it up at the end of this week. You have no idea how much I need it for my internship", you complained and Charles smiled at you relaxed way.

"Then you’re coming with me", he invited and you thanked him.

Charles lead you to his car and you smiled in gratitude when he opened the door for you so you could get in.

"And, if you’ll allow me, can I know what you study, Y/N?", Charles asked curiously, when you were already in line at the caffè, the place being chosen by the young woman during your journey, which had been made in a silence that Charles wouldn’t consider awkward but also not very comfortable. The awkwardness was still there.

"Radiology and radiotherapy", you replied, letting out a smile, "Twelve years ago, for a few months, I followed my brother's fight and was inspired by the humanity of those doctors and the team responsible for his case. The way he was treated, the constant encouragement in his recovery, the words and friendly shoulder they gave my parents, and even me, the way they prepared us for the worst and the way they accompanied us in our mourning, was truly human and truly inspiring. And there, I decided that this was something I would like to do in the future. I want to help others like they helped me more than a decade ago", you said proudly, earning a big smile from Charles.

You were interrupted when it was your turn to make the requests and respective payment. Charles insisted on paying the entire bill and you gave in, after much insistence from his behalf.

"Next time, you'll pay", Charles promised, as you walked aimlessly through the streets of Monaco.

"Will there be a next one?", you asked, laughing and Charles couldn’t help but look away from your shy eyes, "It’s a promise, then", you added and Charles looked at you again, already looking at him with a smile.

You ended up sitting on the lawn of a garden, finally digging into your food.

"And you? Can I know what you study?", you asked, equally curious and Charles laughed, still feeling a little satisfied that you didn’t know him as a Formula One rookie.

"I’m a race driver", he told you and you looked at him in surprise.

"What category? And which team?", you asked with interest and he smiled.

"The best in the world and the biggest one in racing", he replied, not wanting to say the team's name directly, because that way he would be able to know which one she supported.

"Do you race for Ferrari?", you asked and Charles smiled broadly, happy with what he had heard.

"I was in their academy last year", Charles confirmed and you smiled.

"How come I've never seen you there?", your curiosity and interest were something that satisfied him. After all, he wasn't the only one who wanted to know more.

"I was in Formula Two with Prema", he explained and her "makes sense", spoken in English, made him laugh.

"But tell me something. Are you regular at races?", Charles asked and you nodded.

"You could say that", you both laughed, "My father and grandfather were always

big racing fans. In fact, they are. And they passed that love on to Lucas", you smiled and looked down at the ground, "The few times he wasn't in the hospital, he was at the track. What he felt for racing was something I had never seen before. It was contagious. Everyone infected Lucas and he infected me. After his death, I promised myself to accompany my father and grandfather, and even go there alone, to every race that was done there. It was, and is, a way of feeling Lucas with me. That’s why I love racing so much", you looked at him with teary eyes, letting the tears fall when Charles brought his thumb to your face, caressing it.

"I’m sorry", you murmured and he quickly denied it, so that you would know that everything was okay.

"You’re inspiring, Y/N. I hope you know that", Charles offered.

You shook your head, smiling, "No, I don't think so. I’m just an eight-year-old child, in the body of a twenty-year-old girl who cries every night, wishing her brother was by her side", you spoke, with some difficulty, and Charles swallowed hard, trying to find the right words to comfort you.

"No, Y/N. You are a young 20-year-old woman who lost her brother at the age of eight and who, even today, is learning to deal with his absence", Charles said and you quickly wiped away the tears that were falling from your eyes, unable to help but sigh heavily.

"So, tell me, how does it feel to wear red? I clearly have been focusing in specific catehorues", you asked with a smile and Charles smiles at your change of subject.

"Incredible. It is a dream come true. I have no words to thank the trust that my team put in me, and how stepping into F1, even if it's not Ferrari, is a huge sense of responsibility, after all, you’re representing one of the best teams in the sport, the best in the world for me", Charles proudly answered your question, not avoiding remembering the day he signed his first professional contract with the unspoken promise and hope of a place in the Scuderia.

"How many years has it been?", you asked.

"I've been with the best the world for a few years", you both smiled.

“We could go watch the historic race this Saturday on the track just outside the city", you invited Charles and he smiled at you initiative, not hesitating to nod.

“I was already thinking of going, but now I’m really going to", Charles answered and you blushed.

"Can you give me your phone number so we can arrange things better?", Charles asked, feeling brave enough to do so, and you nodded.

You exchanged contact details and chatted a little longer until you were interrupted by the ringing of your phone. Charles waited for the call to end and returned the smile you gave him.

"Typical motherly concern", you explained, and Charles laughed, nodding along

"I know how it feels", he commented and it was your turn to smile

"Since my brother passed away, my mother, who was already overprotective, has become even more so. I don’t blame her for that, quite the opposite. I have learned to deal with it and I don’t make her life harder, I have a very open relationship with my mother. My first academic choice was not Monaco, but in Montpellier", you said as Charles made such curiosity known and looked at you, "But the truth is that I couldn’t even finish the first semester in the city because I couldn’t stand being alone. It was as if the pain multiplied by mixing with the loneliness that I felt. We were so close that I couldn’t separate the pain of having to leave for one of my dreams. I wasn’t prepared for the nights when nightmares haunted me and the absence of my brother was felt more than ever. So, I asked my parents to come and get me and I moved back to Monaco, where it didn't get easier but it wasn’t as difficult as being alone. Since my brother left, we’ve gotten even closer. But the first few days were the hardest. My mother became depressed, my father closed himself off a bit more and, at the age of twelve, I let myself be suffocated by the feelings I had no one to talk to, until my father learned to deal with the pain and helped us do the same. Someone needed to get back on their feet and help others get back on their feet too, and my father was my hero. We sought out the best psychologists for my mother and her progress was very positive, but in truth, what she was doing, and rightly so, was mourning the loss of the most real, pure and true love in the world. She was mourning the death of her son. And she did it in the only way she knew how. Today, we continue to do it, but we do it differently. And if people now talk and watch us go about our day to day lives, it's not because it no longer hurts - because it hurts a lot - it's because we've learned to embrace pain and deal with it. We hold its hand. I think the learning process is lifelong. And I'm going to die, still learning how to deal with it", you said, and the impact of your words prompt Charles to shed a tear, which was joined by all the others, for all the memories that hit him.

"I miss him so much", Charles whispered, avoiding your gaze.

Just out of the corner of his eye, Charles could see you get closer to him, smiling faintly when you pulled him into a hug he didn't hesitate in joining.

You fit perfectly on his chest, head nestled there as he hugged you by your waist, enveloping you and kissing the top of your head without a hitch.

And in that first touch of many, you got to know eachother through the way you both knew so well - pain. And right there, without knowing, you started another one - love.

.

Charles was coming home after another training session, the last one before the charity race he was participating in which would take place the next day at ten in the morning. Today was also the historic race day, the race he would watch with you, after meeting up every day that week at your usual spot - although it wasn’t the happiest, you always ended up going to different places in the capital city, where you took the opportunity to get to know each other better.

"Charles", he heard his mother call out and smiled, going to meet the woman who was preparing dinner.

"Hi, maman”, he kissed her hair and bent down a little so she could kiss his cheek, “I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you", he looked at her with a guilty expression, "I'm not going to have dinner at home", he continued, enjoying the meat she was cooking that smelled very good.

"It's all right", Pascale smiled, "you're going to watch the historic race with Joris and Riccardo, aren't you?", she asked, as they were usually his company.

"Well, about that..", Charles mumbled, scratching the back of his neck in a gesture of confusion that didn't go unnoticed by the oldest in the room.

"Charles Marc Hervé Perceval! What aren't you telling me?", his mother asked, genuinely curious, and he laughed out loud when she turned off the stove and crossed her arms, waiting for him to start talking.

"I'm going with a girl", he started and saw her smile grow at the information he had given her, "her name is Y/N. She is twenty years old and is a final-year student in the radiology and radiotherapy course. Unfortunately, we did not meet under happy circumstances, but the time we have spent together has allowed us to create and experience moments that go beyond that", he explained, avoiding his mother’s gaze to hide his slight embarrassment.

"Where did you meet?", Pascale wanted to know.

"At the cemetery. It was during one of the visits I paid to papa, three weeks ago. She lost her twin brother to a rare blood disease that doctors were never able to identify. Y/N was eight years old when he passed away. I have never related with anyone as much as I did with her. She understands me. In fact, we understand each other. She is simply beautiful in every way", Charles shrugged, not avoiding a smile as he remembered you.

"Charles, is it just me or are you in love?", his mother asked with a smile as she hugged him, fitting into his arms.

"It’s not possible, maman. Only this week that we’ve gotten closer", he replied, not avoiding a nervous laugh.

Pascale laughed, "and since when did that stop you from feeling something for that young woman? Charles, amour, it’s not the time of things but the intensity with which we experience them", she wisely advised and Charles nodded, smiling weakly.

"Thank you for everything, maman. Je t'aime", he whispered against her hair, leaving a kiss there.

"Never forget that you, as well as your brothers, are my pride and the light of my eyes. Je t'aime, Charles", Pascale spoke.

Charles held his mothee on his arms, wanting her to be aware of the infinite gratitude he felt for her.

Pascale pulled away, wiping her tears, and smiled at Charles, "Come on, I don’t want you like this!", Charles asked and she laughed, waving.

"I’m fine", his mother assured, "Now go take a shower and get ready so you don’t keep the girl waiting. I’ll make you a bowl of cereal, so you can eat something before you go", she warned and smiled, getting a kiss on her forehead.

"You’re the best!!", Charles exclaimed, leaving the room, and she laughed.

"I know!", she said, laughing, and Charles laughed at her expression.

Once he got to his bedroom, Charles chose a presentable outfit, wanting to dress appropriately and blend in with all of the fans and enjoy the race that was probably one of the last moments before everything flooded in. The PR team had already warned him that once he was in Formula One, everything changed and he hoped he could have this evening.

He ran to the bathroom, took a quick and relaxing shower, and got dressed without rushing, making sure he looked his best. After that, he went back to the kitchen, where his mother was still, finishing the preparations for dinner.

“Since I didn’t have any company for the meal, I invited your cousins”, she said.

Charles gave her a guilty smile, "I'm really sorry, maman", he spoke sincerely, and it was her turn to laugh, shaking her head.

“It’s okay, Charles, I was just kidding. I want you to go and enjoy Y/N's company. I haven't even met her yet and I already like her", she commented.

"Oh really? Why is that?", Charles wondered, really interested.

"Why? Because every time you talk about her, it's impossible for you not to smile. And I like that", she admitted and he blushed, hearing his mother giggle at his shyness.

"Maman!", he mumbled and the older woman laughed.

"What's wrong?", she asked, pretending not to notice as her son rolled his eyes, laughing.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything, I should've stayed quiet", Charles complained and she laughed out loud.

"As if I wouldn't eventually find out, Charles", she winked, convinced, and Charles laughed at the joviality that characterized his mother, even after everything that life had put her through.

They were closer than ever and he felt very comfortable sharing any kind of subject with her, she was his best friend and the best thing in his world.

"I really have to go", Charles announced, looking at his watch, making sure he wouldn’t be late.

"Do you have everything with you, amour?”, she asked and he looked at her confused.

“Yes, why?”, Charles answered with another question, while he set the bowl of cereal in the sink.

"Are you sure?", she insisted and he snorted, patting his pockets and checking that nothing was missing.

"I have everything", he replied, kissing her forehead as a way of saying goodbye, "I'll see you later. Je t'aime!", he shouted from the living room and heard her laugh.

"Do you have the condoms with you?", Pascale asked, giggling, and Charles almost choked on his own saliva.

He couldn't believe it.

"Seriously, maman?", he made himself heard out loud.

"Do you think I'm stupid, Charles? I too was a young woman your age once. And I'm too young to be a grandmother!", she said, coming to meet him at the door, and she couldn't help but laugh when she saw his embarrassment.

"I'm leaving!", Charles exclaimed, leaving a last kiss on her cheek and walking all the way to the car while laughing, knowing his mother never missed the opportunity and had a great ability to embarrass her own son.

Charles got in the car and drove off towards your house which, even after a week, continued to leave him astonished by the external beauty that set it apart from the others in the same neighborhood. He sent you a quick text letting you know that he was already waiting for you and, about three minutes later, he heard a door slam, looking in the direction of the noise and not helping but smile when he saw how you were dressed appropriately for the race.

"Wow, yes, we have a racing fan", he complimented and the brunette giggle.

You were dressed in a vintage jacket, an allusive cap with the peak turned backwards and the rest of the outfit complimented it.

The rest of the journey to the track was transformed into a karaoke session, "tell me if we don't make an unbeatable singing duo", you joked as you walked towards the interior of the building where you would be sitting.

"Like society hasn't seen in many years", Charles joined in your joke and you laughed

Charles put his right hand on your shoulder, hugging you and guided you through the crowd so that you wouldn’t lose each other. He heard his name being called and two kids running towards him, making you stop walking. He greetd them with a smile and they ask for a photo that would be the responsibility of the woman who was waiting for them to position themselves, "your girlfriend can also join the portrait", the oldest women pointed to you, and you couldn't help but blush, making Charles smile sideways when he noticed such a thing.

"We're not-", Charles didn't let you finish.

"Come here, Y/N", he asked and the lady waved, heading towards you.

After the photos were taken, the kids thanked Charles, immediately disappearing from our sight, "Do you want to see something around here or would you rather go inside now?", Charles chatted up while you tried to show yourself less embarrassed.

He couldn't help but admit that he was enjoying seeing you like that and, more than that, knowing that he was the one that made you feel that way.

"We can go inside, since race time is very close", you preferred and Charles nodded, placing his hand on the small of your back, leading you to the entrance.

You greeted the various security guards who were there and headed to the place that your tickets indicated. Because Charles belonged in a professional driving championship, he was entitled to the VIP stands.

"Wow", you exclaimed, truly enchanted by the view you had of the track, which was undergoing the final touches before opening its doors to the public.

"Have you never been here before?", Charles asked and saw you deny it, while remaining astonished, appreciating the atmosphere around you.

"Only for a visit when Lucas was with us, never when there was an actual race happening. This is going to be great", you finally looked at him, offering him a smile, "thank you, Charles", you spoke and he acknowledged the sincerity of your words, smiling at you broadly.

“You’re welcome", he downplayed the situation, just hoping you would feel good, "I don’t know if you drink, but would you like a beer? Or perhaps some wine?", he asked and you laughed.

“I don’t usually drink, but today I can make an exception", you accepted and Charles smiled.

“Are you sure? You have every right to say no" he made it clear and you laughed, denying it.

“Seriously, Charles, we can go", you insisted and he waved, giving you space so you could go ahead of him.

The crowd there was huge, but that didn't stop you from drinking and snacking before the race started.

"The teams are getting ready", Charles said as you finished our drinks and you waved, standing up and opening your wallet to take out the money.

"Hey you! What are you doing?", Charles quickly intervened, placing his hand on yours to stop your movements.

"Charles, what did you promise? 'You'll pay next time', that's what you said", you imitated his tone of voice and you burst out laughing.

"Can't you wait until next time?", he insisted and you gave him a death glare, making Charles realise there wasn't much he could do.

"Okay then", he gave in and you giggled smugly.

You went back to your seats after you paid, watching everyone get ready for the race.

"Do you have a favourite driver?", Charles wondered.

"I don't think so. Each one has something to offer to the races, and it's not like many of them are here", you spoke before seeing Lewis Hamilton approach one of the cars.

A song came on and you pulled Charles to dance with you, singing in his ear as he smiled, tightening his grip on your waist. "Now comes the part that no one knows how to sing", you added, moving away from Charles a little and he could notice your shyness, most likely because of the action you had done before.

You danced awkwardly, which earned you a couple of looks, and stopped when the announcer of the track, already full, made himself heard, announcing the race was about to start.

"I love this part", you smiled, getting a kiss from Charles on the hair that was not covered by your cap.

The race started out well and everything seemed to be going as they hoped, the announcer mentioning some facts they had about the historic race.

"THAT'S AN OVERTAKE!", you shouted and the entire section stood up, celebrating yet another great move from Lewis.

You screamed euphorically, pulling Charles into a quick hug, before joining in the celebrations with the rest of the fans.

This girl was out of this world, Charles thought.

"I've never seen a girl like you", he said, automatically enchanted by you.

"That's because I'm an exclusive edition", you joked and you both laughed, "Is that good?", you asked seriously.

Charles returned your gaze, nodding, "Very. You're different from everyone I've ever met", he admitted and you smiled, looking away from him.

"Good. That way, I don't have to worry about them", you shrugged.

Charles smiled, satisfied with the answer you had given him, "Come here" he asked in an act of courage, hugging you while you rested your head on his chest and focusing your attention on the race.

When the race ended for a break until the next one, you took the opportunity to go to the bathroom, while Charles chose to do the same.

Since he was quicker than you, given that the line was shorter, he waited for you outside, where there was a line of young people who were looking at him curiously.

"Finally", Charles muttered to himself as he watched you leave the compartment.

"What happened? Were you feeling watched over?", you made fun and he stuck his tongue out at you, pulling you closer to him. "Watched over?! It seemed like the girls were undressing me with their eyes", he accused.

"That was most likely exactly what was happening", you confirmed and he looked at you in shock, which made you laugh again, "What?! You can't judge them!", you argued.

Charles laughed, honestly pleased with what he had heard, "Oh really? Have you also undressed me with your eyes?", he whispered in youe ear.

"No, I prefer to do it with my hands", you murmured against his mouth and walked ahead of him, leaving him perplexed.

Well, take that, Charles, his subconscious spoke and he chuckled - the ability you had to leave him speechless was unbelievable. Noticing the faces you were making, he decided to return to your seats, where you were already dividing your attention between your cell phone and the track.

"What are you watching?", Charles asked, moving closer to you to observe what you were watching, spending some time watching the silliness and fun on her screen.

"The game is going to start again", Charles said as you quickly turned off the electronic device and hugged his waist, while you paid attention.

"What is he doing to Lewis?", Charles complained.

"Do not play around with him!", you joined.

"Maybe there's a favourite after all?", Charles teased you.

"Maybe, he is very skilled and handsome", you shrugged.

"Oh, good", Charles murmured, feeling a pang of jealousy at the way you had spoken about the driver.

Your laugh made him realize that you had noticed, "Charles, are you jealous?", you mocked and he rolled his eyes, avoiding looking at you.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know that word", he shrugged, trying to make you forget the subject but you didn’t give in.

Instead, you brought your hand to his face, making him look at you, "I’m here with you, aren’t I?", you asked seriously and he smiled weakly, nodding along, "So it’s not Lewis that interests me", you concluded, paying attention to the track again.

Charles sighed, pulling you closer to him, a gesture that made you smile.

Once the race ended, you headed towards the outside, trying to avoid the confusion as much as possible.

"Shall we eat something?", Charles asked you, intertwining your fingers, and you smiled shyly at him, which made him chuckle.

"Please!", you agreed and laughed out loud. "Suggestions?", he asked and you looked thoughtful.

"The center might not be a good idea because it must be full after this", you ruled out, "that new panini shop?", you suggested and he agreed.

You got in the car and headed towards the shop, ordering it to go and Charles ended up choosing a nice spot that overviewed the city.

"Tomorrow I'm going to race", he began, "I know it's not your tradition, but I'd like for you to come watch", he invited and you smiled.

"I'll be there", you agreed and it was his turn to smile, "At what time is it?", you wondered.

"At 10:00 in the morning. I know it's Sunday but...", Charles trailed off.

"Tomorrow, at that time, I'll be there to support you", you promised and he thanked you.

Charles parked the car and you got out of the vehicle, enjoying the fresh night air, which was quite pleasant. He cleaned his shirt and pants again and heard you laugh as you came closer to help him with the crumbs.

"Clumsy", you criticized jokingly, and he stuck his tongue out at you.

You sat down on one of the benches that were there and you sighed, making Charles look in your direction.

"How peaceful", you whispered, while keeping your eyes closed and a small smile on your lips.

"Monaco is really beautiful", Charles said, hearing you agree with a small murmur.

You took off your cap and tried to fix you hair, making Charles laugh.

"Let me help you", he gently asked and you turned to him, letting him fix the rebelliousness that characterized you.

As soon as he finished, he continued to caress them, which made you close you eyes to enjoy the affection.

"Kiss me", you murmured and he looked at you in surprise.

"What?", Charles asked, trying to understand if he had heard correctly.

"Kiss me, Charles", you repeated.

"Can I?", still astonished, he wanted to make sure.

"You should", you replied as Charles smiled at your answer and pulled you towards him, appreciating the serenity of your face.

"Finally", Charles whispered against your mouth before finally placing your lips together for the first time - of many, he hoped.

You allowed his tongue to enter your mouth when he silently asked for permisson and he intensified your kiss, truly surrendering to you.

And in eachother's lips, you discovered the path to peace, the one you both had lost years before with the pain that had overwhelmed you.

.

You woke up to the sound of the alarm clock, quickly getting up, not wanting to be late for Charles' race,

"Y/N, dear?", you heard the surprise in you mother's voice and couldn't help but laugh. "Hi, mama", you said, giving her permission to come in, and she did so.

"Are you going to tell me why you're up at this hour? Of all people, you who hibernates all weekend!", she joked and you stuck out your tongue, which made her laugh.

"I just felt like getting up, that's all", you said briefly, as you looked through your closet, looking for the most presentable, yet comfortable, clothes possible.

"And why are you going to dress so nicely if you're going to spend the whole day at home?", she mused, suspiciously, and you laughed at her curiosity.

"Okay, mama, you win", you eventually gave in and she celebrated, which made you laugh out loud.

"I'm going to watch the charity race", you said and her curious look made you realize that her questions were only at the beggining.

"Who's your boyfriend from there?", she didn't hesitate to ask and you looked at her, shocked etched on your face.

"Why do I have to have a boyfriend to watch the race?", you asked, astonished and she looked at you with an expression that said to not mess with her.

"Your mother is old but she's not stupid, Y/N", she scolded, laughing and you followed.

"Mama, you are forty-eight years old. You are a young woman", you complimented her, trying to make her drop about the subject and the older woman laughed.

"Yes, yes, sweetheart. Now the question I asked you", she insisted and you laughed, shaking your head.

"I don't have a boyfriend, mama. But I have a friend who would like me to go and I'm going", you told her and the smile she gave you made you blush.

"Name?", she wanted to know and you snorted, making her laugh.

"How annoying", you rumbled and she laughed again, "Charles".

"Then I hope this Charles takes care of you or the wooden spoon will fly", she threatened and you couldn't help but laugh with her.

"You're amazing, mama", you replied and she laughed, coming towards you and kissing your forehead.

"I just want you to be happy", she muttered, while caressing your face and smiling.

"I am", you assured her and she smiled, before walking away, leaving you alone again. You ran to the private bathroom and took a quick shower, leaving it shortly after so you could get ready in time. You applied some light makeup and dried your hair, leaving it in its natural waves.

You went down the stairs, passing through the living room, patting Simba on the head, the old Labrador who had always been with you, and whose name was based on Lucas' favorite movie.

"Good morning", you greeted your parents, although you had already spoken to your mother.

"Up so early, my dear?", your father was surprised and you looked at my mother, who was already looking at you with a suggestive smile that made you roll you

[ramblingautisticman]

Here is part 1 of my new series 'And They Were Gamers!', a series in which Logan and Wade play video games and be cute and gay- enjoy!

I'll be posting it here and on A03! I've got about three-ish chapter ideas/things I'm writing, any suggestions or idea please comment!!

(Based on this post!)

(Tagging @ineffable-monster-romancer because you gave me the idea for the tiny house and flowers!!)

------------------------------------------

It had started simply. Wade scrolling through YouTube at 3am due to insomnia, and wasn’t that how most things started?

He was used to staying up late, his body refusing to give in to the tiredness running through him. Logan had tried to get Wade to sleep easier- tried to find a way to get him relaxed enough to pass out- but nothing had seemed to work, so he did continued to do what he always had, didteacting himself with his phone until he either fell asleep or it was morning.

Eventually, he moved from tiktok to Youtube, and after awhile he found a video that seemed interesting. Something about a game called Minecraft. He had heard of it- the kids at the mansion had talked about it briefly when he was there a few months ago- but he had never actually seen it. So he pressed play and lay in bed watching it, finding himself quickly enamored in the video.

Before he knew it, he had spent the next 5 hours watching videos and looking up the different versions, and quickly it had become something he needed to play.

It seemed like a fun little time waster for when he couldn't sleep, plus, it seemed very relaxing compared to the other games he enjoyed.

So when Logan finally stirred, Wade had quickly started rambling about it, telling him anything and everything he could about the game- coming up with 100 and 1 reason as to why he should buy it- and even if Logan had no clue what was happening, when he left to go shopping and left Wade to watch even more videos about this game, he threw in the copy of Minecraft Wade had wanted (and yes, he had to message Laura to ask what one Wade needed for the switch thingy he played on, and spent a good hour being annoyed at how many different versions of it there seemed too be).

When he came home, Wade had helped bring the groceries to the kitchen, spending the whole time talking about a video he had watched about someone making a castle in the game- and by the end of his ramble- the only thing left in the bag had been the game.

Wade had nearly exploded with excitement when he saw it, quickly wrapping his arms around Logan in a bone crushing hug and thanking him about 50 times, before grabbing Minecraft and rushing over to his Switch.

And that was Wade for the next 3 days solid. It was all he did, and thank god they had no missions, cause honestly? Wade would've probably just taken the thing with him.

Luckily, Logan found his excitement over it cute so he was allowed to get away with not doing much else. And it seemed to be helping Wade when he couldn't sleep which was a bonus.

After about a week, Wade had greeted him at the door after walking Mary Puppins, tears in his eyes as he held the screen up for Logan to see.

"My dog died!! I had him since the first night! And now he's dead and I didn't even get to finish the dog house! Stupid fucking skeleton shot him!! I'm such a bad dog owner! Don't let Mary near me!!" He cried, tears now rushing down his cheeks, a frown on his face.

And Logan really didn't know what any of that meant, but he didn't like Wade being this upset. And he didn't like hearing him think he was a bad dog owner. "Hey, it-s okay- you are a real good papa to Mary." He said softly, gently holding the dog closer to Wade, watching as she licked his face.

It seemed to help alittle, Wade gently holding her with one arm, kissing her forehead before looking back to the screen of his Switch. "I wanted to make him a house...I was so close to getting a nametag for him.." He muttered, looking back up at Logan with those big sad eyes that made his heart ache.

"I'm sorry baby, why don't we cuddle up on the couch? You can show me the monster farm thingy you were making, yeah? Maybe you can get another dog?" He suggested, gently guiding Wade to the couch and gently sitting down, listening as Wade slowly explained that the monster farm was called a 'Mob Spawner', and that he didn't know if he could find another dog because of where he lived.

Logan thought that maybe it would pass in a few days, but Wade was still heart broken about his Minecraft dog, and Logan needed to fix it. So, he devised a plan. Well- him and Laura.

It seemed that Wade had messaged her about it, because she knew exactly what Logan was on about when he had sent her a text for help. Initially, he just thought that Wade could find another dog, and even though that was technically true- Wade didn't seem very happy at the idea of going and getting another one. Something about not wanting to go exploring and loosing all his XP if he died.

So Laura suggested something else. She had suggested that Logan learn to play it so that he could go and find Wade a dog himself. Which made him very very confused. He wasn't good with technology- had only just figured out smartphones- but he wanted too. Wade deserved to have his dog back, and here he was, sneakily using Wade's switch to try and learn the game.

It took a few days to get the controls down, but Logan quickly got used to them- and honestly? He began to understand why Wade loved it so much. The relaxing music, the cute animals, the addition he was gaining to mining.

Now, playing it himself, Logan understood why Wade had gotten so upset when his dog died. It was easy to get sucked into the game- to shut your brain off while collecting wood or getting attached to a chicken you managed to hatch from a random egg- and it made him want to get Wade his dog even more. That, and play it with Wade himself.

It took another few days to get a dog. He had to wait for Wade to go on a mission, but as soon as he left the apartment, Logan booted up Wade's world and got to work. He still wasn't good- he had to Google a few things- but eventually he found and tamed a dog.

Logan spent about an hour getting it back to Wade's house, and then proceed to spend another hour figuring out how to fish for a name tag. As soon as he started fishing, he realized that maybe he was enjoying Minecraft more than he had expected. It surprised him to enjoy a video game- he had only ever really played a few in the 80s with the kids at the mansion- but here he was, 4 hours later still playing.

He hd originally just wanted to get a dog for Wade, name it Mary Puppins and be done, but he couldn't help but get more and more into it as he contuined to play.

At first he realized Wade didn't have an anvil, so he went mining for iron. Then he needed some more levels for the name tag to make sure he didn't used Wade's, so he went and killed some mobs. Then he decided to make the dog alittle house, even if it was just a square of wood, then he found some flowers and decided he wanted to decorate with them.

Before he knew it, Wade was opening the door and loudly announcing he was home. Logan tried to save and exit the game quickly- but as usual- Wade was faster than he was, quickly looking at Logan with a confused expression.

"What is this??? Your using technology beyond an old android? Am I dreaming?" Wade said dramatically, taking his mask off and plonking down next to Logan on the couch. "Wait...why are you on Minecraft?.."

Logan looked up from the Switch and over to the man sat next to him, blushing slightly, as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Oh well- you seemed so sad about your dog- ya know? And I wanted to cheer you up, so I messaged Laura and she said about me finding you a dog so you didn't die with your XP, so I tried to join on a different profile thing but I couldn't, so I logged in on your one- I promise I didn't lose any of your XP or use any of it- and look! I found you a dog- and I called her Mary Puppins, and I even made her a house! Also, I found some red and yellow flowers, so I thought that would look nice....." He rambled, suddenly worried he had upset Wade. Should he of asked before he played? Did he mess the world up?

He held the screen infront of Wade- the same way Wade had done to him a week and a few days ago- and glanced at it, pointing at the little dog. "It's a grey dog, so I thought she kinda looked like Mary, ya know?.." Logan added, looking back at Wade, who seemed to be crying? Shit.

"Sorry- did I ruin it? I just wanted to help- I can get rid of the dog hou-" like usual, Wade interrupted him.

"Oh my god! Peanut! That is the most amazingly romantic thing that someone has ever done for me! You learned how to play it- and then got me a new dog?? And you got yellow and red flowers to decorate? Our colours!? You are the most amazing boyfriend ever!! I'm going to keep her so safe in her adorable little house and-and I'm buying you a Switch and we are going to play together and make a house together and we can put our beds together!" Wade rambled, somehow with on breath, and Logan couldn't help but smile widely at his excitement.

He kissed Wade's cheek softly before handing over the console. "Yeah, that sounds good...I've already been looking at one actually- Minecraft is really fun. And I'm glad your happy." Logan said softly, laughing alittle at how stupid it was he was nervous about this. It was a video game, why did he need to be anxious?

"Oh, I am buying you whichever Switch you want, I'm buying you Minecraft, and we are going to spend the weekend making the best house ever." And honestly? Logan wasn't going to argue.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Weeping heart (Part 3)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: She's so over today.

•○●⛦●○•

A/n: i like this how this chapter ended up lol, ill try my best to post the next part sooner my loves mwah 😘

anyways, enjoyyyy!!

•○🌑○•

She could feel his eyes on the back of her neck as she discarded her blanket on the cot in the middle of the tent, trying to prolong the reprieve before she inevitably had to address the other presence in the tent.

Y/n was going to kill someone, hopefully Herb.

Rolling her neck, she walked towards the small table that sat a few feet away from the bed and bent to pick all the remaining weapons that sat on the table.

"Are you trying to ignore me?" Cardan questioned, his tone so genuinely confused that Y/n felt bad for trying to avoid him, but she could no say she regretted it.

After all, she was just trying to protect herself.

"What makes you think that?" She mumbled, her focus fixed on the weapons she strapped to herself.

She could hear him moving around, shuffling. From how close she'd been to him, she knew he was under pressure and was starting to get protective.

"You have been gone for months now, and you didn't even smile at me when you saw me and now you are not talking to me at all-"

"I've just been stressed, Cardan." Finally, after she finished checking her body to make sure she had all her weapons, she turned to find him frowning at her.

She wanted to smile at him, but she didn't have energy to even blink.

"I'm sorry, but I have to leave. It might be night time when I return, so don't wait up."

His frown deepened, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Y/n swiftly turned on her heel and made her exit, not bothering to even pretend she really was getting late.

She was just too tired now, and all she wanted to do was run away, live in a mountain home and maybe terrorize children by pretending to be a witch, but alas, that was not possible.

Yet.

•○🌑○•

The late afternoon sun was glaring down at Y/n and Herb, and despite the snow still blanketing the ground, the weather was hot. Too hot to be comfortable in an armor.

The thick silence was also not helping as Y/n and Herb made their way to the bar in the middle of town, having just finished the job they had come to get done.

That meant they could've returned to the camp, but Y/n had insisted on getting something to drink, not yet ready to face Cardan again after the shit show that had been her morning.

Y/n could tell Herb had questions he wanted to ask, but he knew that opening his mouth would probably end up with her scolding him, so he kept quiet as he stalked along next to her.

Y/n tried to relax as the bar came into view, rolling her shoulders.

It only got her more tensed up.

The bell jingled behind the pair as they walked in, a soft breeze cooling the back of Y/n's neck as the door swung shut behind her.

The car- tavern, really- was mostly empty, an hour or two left before it started filling with patrons wishing to wind down from their day's work.

A couple sat in a corner, leaning close together as they giggled and chugged their drinks, and Y/n eyed them before turning and following Herb to a table near the far wall.

As she settled down, she eyed the male standing right in front of the counter, laughing at something the owner said. Y/n's eyes narrowed as she realised it was not any male. It was one of her soldiers.

What is he doing here?

Sure, the soldiers were free to roam and explore the towns the group visited when not on duty, but they never came to taverns in the middle of the day, lest they have to fight later. It was only when they were certain that nothing would happen or if they got permission from Y/n that they would visit these places.

Blinking, Y/n turned to find Herb studying her, his arms folded on the table as he leaned forward.

"What?"

His eyes did not waver at her sharp tone. "I'm sorry."

Y/n grunted. "It's okay."

Y/n did not like the way he stared at her, his eyes seeming to read her like an open book. "Is it really?"

Y/n rose a brow. "What is that supposed to mean?"

He shook his head, his eyes so serious Y/n was concerned for a moment. "Nothing."

"It does not sound like nothing."

He sighed. "Look, I know there's something going on with you. I've known you for years now and you were never the one to just up and leave for a mission. You always took up missions that at the very least gave you the time of a week before leaving. So there's definitely something you're hiding."

Y/n straightened, looking away.

Herb was not the type of person to be serious. In the twenty years she had known him, since that first day when she had walked into class and befriended Cardan, and sat next to Herb, the male had never spoken a word if it was not meant to make someone laugh.

He was like that, Herb. He cared for people around him, and because he never seemed sad or serious, y/n had just assumed he was a little dumb.

She realised now how foolish it was.

"What are you trying to say Herb?"

"Just that I figured it has something to do with the High king, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there."

There was something indecipherable in his eyes as he spoke, the way he refused to break eye contact and the way he spoke so confidently, no traces of humour to be found in his soft, deep voice that sent chills down Y/n's back.

Y/n gave a curt nod, turning her eyes to stare a hole into the cheap wood of the table they had settled at.

Y/n could tell Herb still studied her, and it was another moment of heavy silence before he spoke up, his normal self back.

"So, have you heard of the toad that ate the horse?"

•○🌑○•

Y/n knew her suspicions were right when she stumbled into a raging revel in the camp after a day of wasting her time, everyone gathered around the huge fire in the middle, singing bawdy songs as Cardan looked over them like a pleased cat.

She had not wanted to return to the camp after her visiting the tavern, so she had told Herb to go by himself. He, of course, had decided to stay with her and laze about the small town.

"What is going on here?"

Cardan's eyes flew to where Y/n stood, glaring at them all as Herb stood at her back.

Cardan grinned, the smile Y/n had been in love with.

"We are celebrating!" One of the soldiers- clearly drunk- called out, giggling.

Y/n glared at him, then at Cardan.

His smile faltered, then slowly fell off when Y/n did not smile back.

Y/n stared at him a moment longer, letting him know that she was not pleased, then turned, heading into her tent.

She was so over today.

Tired, sleep claimed her the moment her head hit the hard mattress, and she slept deeper than she ever had, nothing able to wake her.

Not the sound of the night birds, not the sound of the soldiers screaming their hearts out outside, not the loud crash when one of them fell into her tent as he tried to navigate his way to his tent.

Nothing woke her up, except for the sudden hand that covered her mouth in the dark of the middle of the night.

•○🌑○•

Cardan Greenbriar Taglist: @kennedy-brooke @hnyclover @minnieoo @sidrapotter @123345566 @mp-littlebit @tele86 @riddlesb1tch @bubybubsters

Taglist: @dreamsarenicer @kennedy-brooke @123345566

[bella-rose29]

Deck the Halls (and not your partner) - part 5

Christmas Eve part 2

Word count: 4.1k

Warnings: swearing, family members are mean (are we seeing a pattern?), can you tell that I love lebkuchen from the number of times it got mentioned, they kiss again but for like 2 seconds, then they kiss again later for longer than 2 seconds 👀, reader's grandpa isn't supportive of her job (but it's ok because lockwood saves the day), a pigeon was harmed in the making of this chapter (but it lives!), drinking (alcohol), lockwood talks about his family and the Christmases he spent without them, reader comforts him, there is so much communication but somehow so much miscommunication at the same time??? and I'm annoyed at myself for doing this (but it's necessary), this part does not have a happy ending at all (I'm sorry)

series master list

"Well," Lockwood started, looking around at everyone gathered. "I suppose it started in March."

He paused for a moment, trying to figure out where to go from there. "We were on a job, just the two of us, in Kensington. A couple wanted their house clearing out before they properly moved in, and called us. Everything was going perfectly fine, and then we realised that our clients hadn't told us everything about the property, and we were dealing with three Limbless in an enclosed space." Y/n remembered that job well. It was one of the few cases that she'd actually gone on with just Lockwood, and they had been arguing for most of it about the best way to get rid of a Limbless.

Their argument had attracted the other two that were out in the garden.

"Y/n was brilliant, of course, using her Talent to locate the Sources of the three of them while I covered her, but I got held up in the corridor by some Type Ones that had appeared and she was left on her own. I only just got there in time to throw a salt bomb at the Limbless behind her and give her the extra second that she needed to wrap up the Source, but I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life. I really thought I was too late and that I'd lost her." His voice sounded thick with emotion, and when Y/n met his eyes they were watery. She tried not to frown, since it was strange for her to see him so affected like this. Lockwood cleared his throat, and looked back at the crowd. "Then of course I realised that I couldn't live without her and I asked her on a date. She said no, despite my attempts at baking her favourite cake and all the flowers." He cracked a smile, and people around the room laughed.

"Well you did look rather pathetic, Ant. I sort of wanted to watch you suffer a bit more." That much was true at least, since any time she got to watch him squirm was entertaining to her.

"Well you certainly got your share of that, darling," he huffed, and Y/n bit back a snort at the frustrated look on his face. "I had to ask her about six times after that first one before she finally said yes. We've been dating since the middle of April."

"It was eight, but who's counting?" Something about his story didn't sit right with her, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Maybe it was how close it was to what had actually happened on the job, or maybe it was the dread of all the questions she'd get about her job once people started mingling, wanting to know if she had a backup plan in case this line of work failed, or if she realised how dangerous it was.

Maybe it was the way that Lockwood had looked at her when he was talking about losing her.

~~~

"What are your intentions with Y/n?"

"Don't be stupid," John said, whacking his brother Sam on the arm.

"No, but really, what are your intent- oof!" Sam had been tackled to the floor by John, and Lockwood did his best not to flinch.

He'd been dragged into the library a few minutes ago by Y/n's brothers, and although he was the smallest, Tom was currently the most frightening as he stared Lockwood down from across the room, despite the two eldest brothers currently scrapping on the floor.

"Did... did you want me to answer that, or...?"

"I mean, it would be nice to know," Will piped up, eating straight from a packet of lebkuchen in the armchair opposite. Lockwood didn't think he'd ever seen the man without some sort of food nearby. He sat forward in his chair slightly, trying to come up with a good enough answer that would mean he could go back to the party. John and Sam stopped punching each other to hear his answer.

"I'm mostly just happy that she even gave me a chance, if I'm being honest." That much was true, but Y/n's brothers didn't need to know that he was talking about her acceptance of a position at his company and not the mythical relationship that the two of them had been in for eight months. "I know that I'm incredibly lucky to have her, and I can promise you that I won't do anything to screw that up."

Sam and John seemed happy enough with his answer, and Lockwood started breathing a little more easily. Tom was still staring at him, and Lockwood could have sworn that the boy hadn't blinked the entire time. Will snorted, shaking the bag around to get the last crumbs of lebkuchen out. "Yeah, sure. What's the real answer? No more of that crap, because it's obvious you rehearsed that to make us happy." When Lockwood didn't say anything for a moment Will prodded him again. "Go on."

He clenched his jaw, wondering how he could say anything nice about Y/n when she hadn't said anything nice about him for nearly three years, and looked out the window. A memory flashed up, and despite it having only been that morning, he was surprised at how quickly he'd forgotten the interaction.

Since when had she memorised how he took his tea?

He didn't think that Y/n had ever made him tea before, always making it a deliberate point to make a pot for everyone but him, and yet that morning while they sat in bed she had done it perfectly as though it were second nature. Then his mind drifted back to the night before, and he felt his face warm up at the memory of the mistletoe. He cleared his throat.

"I guess..." Lockwood sighed through his nose and clenched his jaw again. It was starting to ache. "I guess that's true, what I said before-"

"You guess?" Will interjected. Lockwood hadn't thought that he would be under this much scrutiny, but he was starting to sweat uncomfortably. He'd rather be dealing with Barnes right now than be sat here.

"It is true," he amended, making wary eye contact with the man. The packet of lebkuchen was neglected in Will's hand, hanging limply as he sat forward to question his younger sister's boyfriend. "She's incredible - the most incredible girl I've ever met - and I truly am aware of how lucky I am that she chose me. I'm not exactly... easy... to be around sometimes because of my agency, but she deals with me perfectly. She deals with me more than she should, to be honest." He frowned, thinking again about how he needed to figure out how to apologise to her. Nothing he had said was a lie; in fact, he didn't think he'd said anything more true about Y/n the entire time that he had known her. She was incredible, since her Touch was so powerful and unlike anything that he had ever seen before. And he did count himself lucky that she, despite his horrible words, still decided to work for him. And she did deal with him, more than anybody should, and she did it by being just as much of an arse to him as he was to her.

Maybe they were good together after all.

A thud on the window made everyone turn to look at what had made the noise, and Tom finally broke eye contact with Lockwood.

"Pigeon," Sam said, having been closest to the window. "I think it might be- oh no, it's just got up and flown off. Don't tell Mum though, she'll have a fit if she sees the mark it left."

"Alright, I think we're done here. You're free to go, Lover Boy," Will said, waving his hand vaguely at Lockwood and scrunching up the empty lebkuchen packet. Lockwood got up to leave, but upon opening the door a body fell face first into his chest with a small 'oof!'

"... Darling?" Lockwood asked, confusion lacing his voice. The figure looked up and offered a smile.

"Oh, hi! I was just... wondering where you were, Anthony." He tried to not let it show how much it affected him to hear his first name in her mouth, but the slight intake of breath that he took probably gave him away. It didn't help that Y/n was in that dress, since she looked so stunning that he couldn't focus on anything but her.

"You're so obsessed with each other," Lockwood heard Will mutter from behind him, and he realised with a start that they had just been staring at each other and blocking the doorway, penning the others in the library. When they went to move, however, Sam stopped them.

"Mistletoe! You can't break tradition!"

"Ugh, again? Did Mum plant an entire fucking garden of it?" Y/n said, peering up at the sprig that hung over their heads. "They're not gonna let us leave without doing it."

"Alright. Let's get it over with then," he whispered into her mouth, and he couldn't help but feel the exact opposite when she pressed her lips to his.

~~~

"So," Y/n's grandfather Richard started, and internally she groaned. He had used the tone of voice that meant he was about to start asking about work, and she was dreading this conversation. "Being an agent. Are you still sure it's what you want to do with your life, Y/n?"

"Yes, Gramps. I'm sure. I have been doing it for years now."

"But there are so many other things you could be doing! Jobs that you could actually be good at!"

That stung a little, and Y/n sat back slightly in her chair. She loved her Gramps, and most of the time he was one of her favourite family members, but he'd been alive before the Problem had started and didn't understand that things had changed since he was a kid. He believed in her in most other ways, just not when it came to her life as an agent, which was one of the only things she was truly passionate about (other passions included drinking tea and hating Lockwood).

"I don't mean to intrude," a voice piped up, and once again Y/n found herself wondering how the hell Lockwood managed to always turn up at the right time. "But Y/n is one of the best agents in the country, sir. Her Talent is so incredibly unique and that's what makes her so brilliant at her job." He perched on the arm of the chair that she was sat on, and she frowned when she felt the urge to rest her head against his thigh.

"Well how can you possibly know that!"

"Gramps, this is my boyfriend, Anthony? You met him briefly last night?"

"Oh, is it? Right, well I suppose you would know then! Tell me, is she too much of a pain sometimes?!"

Lockwood hesitated slightly, glancing down at where Y/n sat in the chair and frowning a little at her Gramps' question. "If anything I'm the pain. I don't know why she keeps me around to be honest." He sounded so sincere about it that for a moment she forgot that he had ever said anything horrible about her. The rest of their conversation faded into background noise as she remembered what she'd overheard earlier.

It was probably breaking all sorts of moral laws to eavesdrop on her brothers' interrogation of Lockwood, but then again she'd made her boss her fake boyfriend to fool her entire family, so she figured that she was well past being entirely moral about things. And besides, she hadn't been intending on listening in at first, she'd just been walking back from using the loo and happened to hear them. She couldn't get Lockwood's words out of her head, and she'd been replaying them over and over since.

"She's incredible - the most incredible girl I've ever met - and I truly am aware of how lucky I am that she chose me."

What the hell did that mean? Was it a lie that he'd made up to make them happy? But then she'd also heard Will prodding for the truth and his exclamation that whatever Lockwood had said before (which she hadn't heard) was obviously fake, so did he just come up with a better lie?

Tonight, she thought. Tonight I'll talk to him.

~~~

When the last guests had stumbled out of the front door, singing loudly and bumping into each other because they had had too much to drink, everybody left in the house let out a sigh of relief.

Y/n mumbled a tired 'good night' to everyone as she pulled herself upstairs, and Lockwood followed after her. He'd been helping her father tidy up a little before turning out the lights, to save some of the food that needed refrigerating and chucking other things in the bin. She had been worried when her dad first started talking to Lockwood, but then she'd heard her father laughing and had decided that they would be perfectly fine together.

Now she collapsed face first onto the bed, not yet worrying about the chill in the room.

"I can see why you were dreading that," Lockwood said, his voice sounding too loud. She'd had to down a few drinks that afternoon to deal with the sheer number of questions and comments from family members and friends, and now her head was aching slightly.

"Can you get me some water?" she asked, but since her face was still buried in the duvet it came out muffled. Lockwood's footsteps shuffled around for a while, and then went silent, and Y/n huffed in annoyance. Of course he'd just get himself ready for bed and not worry about her, that was so typical of him. She pushed herself upright, wincing when the room wobbled a little and the pain increased in her head, then frowned when Lockwood reappeared, something in his hand.

"Here. I couldn't find any painkillers though, so I'll just go and fill that up when you're done so you can try and sober up before bed."

Oh. Maybe he wasn't being so typical after all.

"Thanks," she muttered, taking the glass from him and eyeing it warily.

"It's not poisoned, darling. If I was going to kill you I wouldn't do it in a way that might mean you could come back to haunt me."

"Charming."

He sat down on the bed next to her with a sigh, picking at a loose thread on his sleeve. "You know," he said, not looking at her. "This hasn't been... the worst Christmas I've ever had."

"No? You're spending it with me." He gave her a wry smile, finally bringing his gaze up to meet hers.

"Yeah, that's not really that bad."

Oh.

"Really?"

He hummed in answer, nodding slightly, then got up and walked over to the fireplace. They sat in silence while Y/n finished off her water and Lockwood got the fire going, and once she headed over to sit next to where he was crouching she realised how cold she had been before. He sat back, leaning on the chair behind him. Y/n was hunched over her knees, empty glass dangling in her grip. She could have done the same as Lockwood with the armchair behind her, and god knew her head needed something to rest against because despite the water dulling the ache it was still pressing against her temples, but she didn't think she could see Lockwood's face at that moment.

"The first Christmas after Jess passed was the worst."

Her head snapped to look at him where he sat to her left, but he was staring into the fire, eyes transfixed on the flames but looking at something far away. She didn't say anything, instead just letting him go ahead in his own time.

"The ones after my parents died were hard, sure, but at least I had Jess around and we knew what the other was going through. Then she was gone too, and I was nine years old in a big house that was suddenly empty of the family I had spent my life being loved by."

She knew that his family were dead since the absence of any of them was shockingly present in 35 Portland Row, but he had never told her anything. She'd had to learn it all from Lucy, George, and Holly.

"That first one was horrible. I don't think I stopped crying for longer than an hour the entire time, and I couldn't sleep because I kept replaying it over in my head. I could have helped," he whispered, and Y/n could see that his eyes were glistening in the light of the fire. "I could have saved her, if only I hadn't-" he cut himself off, his voice growing too strangled to continue. Quickly she placed her hand on his arm, turning her body to face him.

"Hey, hey," she said quietly, drawing him into her arms. Her glass had been abandoned on the floor, her hands now holding Lockwood's body in her lap instead. His head was resting on her chest while his arm wrapped around her stomach, the other supporting his weight, and Y/n told herself that she was only allowing this to happen because she hadn't yet sobered up.

She wasn't sure how long they were there for, her leaning back at an awkward angle to allow room for Lockwood to lie on top of her and curl into her side while he sniffled, but after a while she found that she didn't mind stroking her fingers through his hair (which was surprisingly soft) or having his weight on her (it was like having a weighted blanket).

"Thank you," he muttered after a while, sitting up and wiping at his face. He paused in his movements when he realised that their faces were much closer together than was normal for two people that didn't like each other. The memory of that morning when she had smoothed out his collar and he had been about to say something came back, and when his gaze flicked between her eyes and her lips she drew in a breath.

"Anthony?"

And then he was surging forward, kissing her with the same passion that he had hated her with while she reached up to grab his shirt, not caring that she was wrinkling the fabric that she herself had smoothed out that very morning. How could she think of anything but him when the two of them had finally crashed together like a tsunami hitting cities?

How could she think of anything but him when he pulled her on top of him?

And how could she think of anything but him when he sighed her name into her mouth and it sounded sweeter than the tea he drank?

And then she was thinking about him entirely, and remembering everything that had happened since they met, and suddenly kissing him was a terrible idea.

"She's not good enough for the company."

She pushed away from him with a start when those words blared in her mind like warning alarms, the memory of what she had overheard in the library around four months after starting to work for Lockwood and Co. She hadn't heard anything before, but the disdain in Lockwood's voice told her it was about her. She had run upstairs to make sure she didn't hear any more of what he thought about her.

"Y/n?" he asked now, voice hoarse from crying and kissing, and his expression was desperate as he watched her press her hand to her lips and take shaky breaths. "Y/n? What is it? Wh-"

"Don't," she snapped, standing up and trying to forget the feeling of his hands on her body. "Don't... just don't, Lockwood." He was getting up too, scrambling after her and reaching out to stop her from slipping away.

"I don't understand-"

"Don't understand what?! We can't- we hate each other, Lockwood!" The venom in her voice made him stumble back a few steps. "You never wanted me at your company and you made sure that I knew that!"

"I-"

"I heard you telling the others that I wasn't ever going to be good enough for you, and then a few hours later after a job you're telling me that my Talent is incredible?! What am I supposed to think?! And then you spend the next however many years being a complete dick to me and complaining about me, so I do the same because clearly being nice didn't work, and now you're here at my fucking family Christmas event pretending to be my boyfriend and kissing me when you don't need to-"

"Of course I need to! I know I was horrible to you-"

"An understatement," she scoffed, crossing her arms.

"-but I'm trying to figure out how to apologise to you because I know that I've fucked up and I need to fix it!"

"So you kissed me?!"

"No! Yes! That wasn't an apology!" He rubbed his hand over his face, clearly frustrated with how it was going. "It was a mistake- no, Y/n, I didn't mean it like that!"

"A mistake?" she whispered, her eyes stinging with fresh tears. "Kissing me was a mistake?"

"No," he said, tone filled with desperation. "No, Y/n, I just meant that I shouldn't have done it before apologising to you because then it would seem like... I don't know! Like I was doing it just to try and trick you into accepting my apology or something!"

"Were you? Doing it to trick me? Because right now I can't tell what the truth is, Lockwood!"

"It wasn't a trick. It was never a trick, and I'm an idiot-"

"Yes, you are."

"Would you just listen to me?!" he shouted, anger seeping in to his body, and Y/n took a step back at the look in his eyes.

"What, like how you listen to me?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Yesterday, on the platform, when I was talking about my family being a lot and how it was hard for me and I'm actually related to most of them, and I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for someone to be introduced to all of that in one go. You just assumed that I meant it would be hard for you because your family is dead, and then when I tried to explain you cut me off and gave me the cold shoulder because you didn't fucking listen, Lockwood. What I meant was it would be a lot for anyone, no matter their own experience. Hell, even George has said that he would rather be blocked from the Archives for life than ever meet my family, and he's got almost as many relatives as me!"

Lockwood didn't say anything for a minute, instead just standing still and staring at her while the fire in his eyes died down, and Y/n shook her head. "This?" She gestured between the two of them. "This will never work. We will never work. Because you never wanted me and no matter how much I want you to like me in the same way that you like the others, you never will. And I will never be good enough for you." That was one more person to add to the list of people that she needed to meet unnecessarily high expectations for in order to be even noticed. She wiped at the tears that had slipped down her face while she was talking, the salt making her cheeks itch.

"You're right," Lockwood finally said. "I won't ever like you in the same way as the others." He stopped there, looking down at the floor. When he went to speak again, however, he lifted his head to an empty room, and the bathroom door shutting him out.

Y/n ignored his attempts to talk to her through the door, shoving the duvet and blankets that she had quickly grabbed into the bathtub and plugging her headphones into her walkman so that she didn't have to hear the rest of his cruel words and excuses.

She had craved something different with him, and it had fucking destroyed her.

And now she had to wake up on Christmas Day and pretend that she was hopelessly in love with the fake boyfriend who had just broken her heart.

part 6

Tag list: @ahead-fullofdreams, @aislinrayne, @anathemaloren, @augustisintheair, @avdiobliss, @aysha4life, @bobbys-not-that-small, @briar-rose23, @curseofhecate, @dangelnleif, @edible-rat-vomit, @el-de-phi, @ell0ra-br3kk3r, @ettadear, @fearlessmoony, @fudosl, @idkbubs, @informedimagining, @karensirkobabes, @locklyebrainrot, @locklyle1kanij, @locknco, @mentallyillsodapop, @mischivana, @mitskiswift99, @mrsklockwood, @mrsyixingunicorn10, @newbooksmell777, @no-morning-glories, @novelizt, @phlooper, @ran23sblog, @simrah1012, @somethingrandomwatzit, @star-of-velaris, @superpositvecloudshipper, @t2sh0, @taygrls, @tournesol77, @whenselenefallsinlove, @wordsarelife

let me know if you want to be added to/removed from the tag list! <3

[choicesficwriterscreations]

June Creator of the Month: Thosehallowedhalls

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month is @thosehallowedhalls.

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTM's can be found here.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

I can't remember exactly. 2021, I think? Laws of Attraction was on its tenth chapter.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined in January of this year. I was upset with Crimes of Passion 2, so I wrote a couple of stories about it. I had deactivated my old Tumblr long ago, so I had to open a new one.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I love old buildings - the history, the ambiance. I tried hallowedhalls, but it was taken, so I added the article.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

I… have zero recollection of this post. But I'm big on nostalgia and mourning past times, so the fact that this was my first post tracks.

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write fanfiction. I've been teaching myself to draw, but I'm not anywhere near close to sharing what I do.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing fanfiction way back in… 2010? For about four or five years. Then I stopped until December 2023.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Crimes of Passion on both counts.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

That would be The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm, inspired by The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I do still like it, but I would tighten up the writing a bit. I had barely written any fiction for several years at that point, and the lack of practice shows.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

I keep going back and forth between The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm and Home Without. Both are angsty short series.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I was taken aback by the comments on The 2 AM Christmas Tree Farm. I'd posted it on AO3 a few weeks before, and had gotten a handful of kudos and one comment, but within 24 hours of posting it here, I had several lovely reblogs. It was a welcome surprise. Stories with fewer comments… I guess Home Without. The first chapter got quite a bit of love, but by the time the final chapter rolled around, fewer people were interacting.

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I love a balance, but I'd say angst with a happy ending. I enjoy the breadth of emotions angst lets you explore.

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

There are bits and pieces of me in all of them. Emma has my sarcasm, and Raine has my need to look for the best in people. There may be more, but if so, it wasn't done intentionally.

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

Perfectionism. Like I said before, the lack of writing practice shows. I know that the only way to get better is to keep writing, but I hate seeing the gap between what I do and what I want to do. Catch-22.

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

My Sebastyan x Emma fic, Of Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies. There are only a couple of chapters left, but I've been struggling with it for a couple of months now.

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Oh, hell no.

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

So many writers have influenced my writing throughout the years, including authors I do not currently read. The Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Nora Roberts, Jane Austen, Courtney Milan, Alyssa Cole… I could go on and on. Fanfic writers… There are a lot, but off the top of my head, @inlocusmads, @coffeewithcutcaffeine, @gaiuskamilah, @aria-ashryver, @jerzwriter, @dutifullynuttywitch, @aces-and-angels, @petalouda85, and @storyofmychoices. I know there are more.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Home Without. I'm a sucker for good pining, and I'd love to see all that mutual longing play out onscreen - not to mention that reunion.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

I do. I'm currently working on a horror short story, a MG novel, and a dual timeline mystery that's still in the research stages.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

Reading, non-fandom writing, drawing, learning new things (especially languages!), going on walks, and drinking enough coffee to alarm medical professionals anywhere.

[sadceline]

THE ENHYPEN HOST || 21

|| Reverse harem || ft. TXT, Mingyu (Seventeen) & BTS

WARNINGS: foul language, explicit content, group sex, humiliation, sex in public, threesome, foursoome, rough sex, red flags, immoral acts, unprotected sex, morbid jealousy, comedy, parody, possessiveness, violent quarrels, arguments, betrayals, lies, femdom sometimes.

GENRE: +18, reverse harem, comedy, enemy to lovers, friends to lovers

INDEX (Chapters order)

I'm literally covered in Sunghoon's cum, I've got it in my hair, on my face, on both my breasts, but most of all… he keeps coming out of me as he continues to fuck me. I'm bent over in front of him, he's got me by the waist and by my hair, which he's twisted around his right hand.

"Fuck, you won't be able to walk."

I just gasp as I feel him come in my stomach for the umpteenth time for several long seconds. It's amazing he's got so much of it.

He pulls it out and lets go of me. He looks at me as I collapse between his legs, then smiles.

"Are you tired? Although… - he says under breath - you left something here." He sighs and pushes his long cock towards me.

I swallow, I'm not afraid at all, in fact… After everything he's done to me in the last few hours, I've succumbed to him so much that it seems the least I can do is return the favour.

"How does it… - I ask, rising weakly before crawling towards him - still be hard." "It's always this way because of you." He replies amusedly, stroking my head gently, letting a strand of my hair slip through his fingers.

I am now on my knees in front of him, taking his cock in my mouth, first helping myself with my hand, but then he moves his wrist and looks at me seriously as I raise my eyes to his in confusion. I can't do it without a little help at first.

"Shit. - He swears, biting his lip as he looks down at me. - You're so beautiful."

"Open sesame" I hear, wanting to please him even more. I take him in my mouth, wrapping my tongue around his thickness as much as I can and start to move my head more confidently.

"Ah… yes, clean it all up."

Even when he talks dirty, he doesn't use any swear words, he's never vulgar. He called me slut several times when we were not fucking, rather than during it. It's almost as if I have to earn that.

I start to go deeper and deeper, although it is really difficult for me because of his size. The more he moans, the more I am spurred on to continue and improve, I want him to go mad again, this time because of me.

"You like it so much, don't you? No… you're not tired yet. F-fuck…."

I realise I'm choking because I'm going too fast. I try to pull it out, to keep him from getting in the back of my throat and choking me, but all his cum ends up on my tongue and part of my lips.

I raise my eyes, he stares at me, even though he's just come for the umpteenth time, I pull my tongue out to show him what he's done, then I swallow it and he rolls his eyes in surprise. I lick my lips, too, to collect it all.

"Shit… shit, I'm going to have a heart attack, Amanda!" He shouts in surprise.

I manage to smile before collapsing on the floor, brain dead. He bends down, grabs my shoulders, lets me lean against him and for several minutes nothing happens.

He just lets me rest against him.

"You… you did well." He tells me after a while. "You're the worst…" I pant, but I cling to him. He does the same with his arm, pulling me close. "I know."

I don't know how much time passes, all I know is that eventually he lifts me up and holds me like a bride.

"Come on, let's take a shower."

This is how it really happens. All the while, in the not-so-clear showers of the women's changing room at the ice rink, Sunghoon rubs me with the sponge he took out of his duffel bag.

The water running over me is very warm, I feel really relaxed, I don't even have to move as he takes care of gently massaging and lathering every inch of my body. I feel really exhausted, it's been so intense it doesn't seem real.

For a while it really did feel like the last time.

I try to distract myself, but I don't even want to count the times he came between Wonyoung and me today. It's scary, not human, unnatural.

But I don't even want to think about it too much, I like feeling his chest when I rest my neck on his, I like how, even though he doesn't kiss me directly, he keeps resting his lips on my shoulders, on my back, while his still-bearded cock presses against my back.

"Are you all right?" I ask in a whisper. He smiles, but not sarcastically as usual. "Why? Are you worried about me?" "That sounds like the answer of someone who is fine."

We both laugh, albeit briefly, because after soaping me completely, he hugs me from behind, partially covering my face with his arms as he leans against my head.

"I wish we didn't have to come back."

Actually, I wish I did too.

I know this is the last shift, and I know that after today things will change.

I'm probably going to leave, although I don't think he's realised that yet… he looks worried.

When we get out of the shower, while he is still naked, Sunghoon covers me with several towels. He puts a bigger one over my shoulders, while with the smaller one he squeezes them a bit, to collect the excess water.

"Do you find me beautiful with my make-up off?" I ask him, before he starts blow-drying my hair. He's behind me, but we both see each other in the mirror in front of us. "No, not at all. - He replies, with the expression of someone who has done nothing wrong. - You're ugly as hell."

I honestly don't understand why he would give me such an answer, while he is obviously taking care of me, drying my hair, even putting his stupid expensive creams in it.

"I've always been told otherwise." I say. He twists his lips, I can see it. "Who?" "You don't know them." "Ah… then I don't care. - He replies almost offended. - If I don't know them, they are below my level, and certainly far from you." "You are rather jealous of a very ugly girl." "In fact, I advise you to always show your make-up around the house. Even outside, you should only show your made-up face to me."

Damn… he made me blush. When he sees that I don't react, he chuckles contentedly. Then he turns on the hairdryer and the hot air blast pampers me along with his fingers, caressing my curls and rolling them between them.

It's a good thing, because I wouldn't have known what to say.

When I am completely dry, he gives me one of his 'spare' pullover. My jumper is too wet, I risk getting sick, he says, and continues to be thoughtful….

"Are you sure there were no cams?" I ask as we leave the back of the building that leads to the car park where only Sunghoon's car is parked. "They gave me the keys to this place. I turned off the cameras myself." "That was risky." I remind him worriedly. "But nice."

I can't answer.

In the car, he even opens the door for me. He buckles me in, but doesn't look me in the eye. He's sad again, no, probably just serious - I'm fantasising too much.

We don't speak, not even after we've left. He's lost in thought, you can tell, I'm really too tired and the fear of the consequences of what happened in there makes me run away in my sleep. He notices but does not wake me.

In fact, when I opened my eyes, I did so spontaneously and noticed that the car had already stopped. Sunghoon was staring at me, as if he wanted to say something, but I didn't think he would.

We looked at each other for a few seconds and then looked away.

"You're awake." "I'm sorry…" "I didn't let you sleep so your sorry." I remain silent, bowing my head in respect. "Thank you for what you said to me today. - I say, even though my voice is shaking. - I, however, can't… I can't say that I have forgiven you. Sorry." He sneers, unbelieving, wistful. "You're sorry because you can't forgive me?" "I'm sorry… because I'm so guilty myself." "Things will change, you know? - He looks at me, finally, and I look back. - Things…" "Please. I… I am an engene before I am your host! - I find the courage to say, even though I can barely stand the game of glances, collapsing like an amateur. - What I want more than anything is for you to shine as you deserve. I need that. Please, please, Heeseung… and you… should be friends! - I take both his hands and shake them. - Heeseung is lonely and you know that. There are things you'll never be able to do that Heeseung can… but there are things you'll always be the best at because you don't even have to force yourself to do them.

Sunghoon gives me a serious, unyielding look, then swallows.

"I won't give up on you." "I'll be leaving soon."

His gaze changes, damn it, and it's frightening how quickly.

"What do you mean?" "I don't… - I push my hands away, a little scared. - I can't stay." "You want Heeseung to pay the debt? I told you, I can do it too, but if Hybe finds out, will send you to….. I don't know, Mexico!"

I laugh, but I'm actually too sad. Does he still think about Heeseung? He's really obsessed with him, maybe even in love. And here I was hoping he was with Suno…..

"No, Sunghoon. I… c-c-consider that I should stop working with you."

This time, his expression doesn't just frighten me, it completely petrifies me. I am truly scary by his dark gaze, at this time of night, locked in his car in the building's car park.

"Do you want to go to TXT?" "Are you… are you joking, right?" "What the hell do you think would happen if you left?" "I'm in too deep. - I admit, looking him in the eye even though I'm literally shaking. - If my presence can cause damage to something that is very important to me… I… have few things I care about very much. If I could go back…" "You like Enhypen more than fucking them?" "What a gentleman you are. - I comment disgustedly, he smiles amusedly, but quickly turns serious again. - Anyway, yes, it's possible." "If you're asking my opinion - he says after a while - I think you're better off shagging people I've known long enough. You're in the wrong business now, it'll take a while to get out of it and it won't be easy to shut those TXT fuckers up, but… it can be done. Wash your dirty laundry at home, right? This will definitely cause problems, but we're all so attached to our nice things, our nice clothes, that we'll make it work." "What about me?- I ask quickly. - Should I just stand there and hope it doesn't fall apart?" "You should use this time to find out who you want."

I look at him, unable to answer.

"Even if it were me, I couldn't protect you except by keeping you close to me. I'm not strong enough, no one can do it properly. But if you stay close, it'll be easier to hide you."

I sigh, lowering my sad gaze as I nervously run my palms down my thighs. The things he says make me particularly tense, he really does speak as if he cares, and yet it still feels absurd.

"I won't choose anyone. Not now, not ever." "Then resist me and break my heart if you can. - He tells me, in the tone of advice. - But don't go anywhere."

I don't know what to say, I feel like I could cry at any moment, but he doesn't give me the time. He strokes my cheek and kisses me one last time, his kisses are so warm, the warmth spreads slowly but intensely through my body, and to say he is such a block of ice is usually the wrong thing to say.

"Shall we go?" I ask, the second he pulls away from me. I know my question has offended him, but I did it on purpose, I wanted him to stop. "Are you in a hurry?" He asks annoyed. "The longer we stay here, the less… I want to come back." "You want to stay with me? That's fine, we can even sleep outside, I'll book a room." "I-I didn't say that. - I stammer, embarrassed and a little offended. - Stop please, ok?" "Pick me, Amanda." I laugh, nervously. "You'll get tired of this before I do that."

He doesn't answer right away, I don't know what his expression is because I'm not looking at him.

"Want to bet?" He just asks, taking the keys out of the ignition of the car, which turns off.

I don't dare answer. We got out of the car in silence, he followed me, then we got into the lift. It was late at night. Neither of us had anything more to say, or perhaps we both preferred to remain silent at that moment, which seemed darker than it probably was.

When we got back, Sunghoon used his keys to open the door, but he let me in first. How gallant…

I wasn't expecting it, but all six of them are sitting around the lounge table, drinking beer and soju, there are snacks on the table, but they look untouched.

As soon as I return, I look for Heeseung's eyes: I didn't find it, he looked away, almost as if he knew, as if he was avoiding me. Melancholy, later I find Jongseong's eyes, worried but also angry.

Next to him, Jake looked at me calmly, as if he expected nothing else from me. Jungwon smiles, which makes me uncomfortable, but I have to admit that smile is quite sensual. Sunoo, next to him, sips his glass of beer undisturbed, but when I look for his gaze, I find it immediately and he seems pleased. Niki, who's been on his phone almost the whole time we've been here, just looks confused and amused.

"Let's talk." Jay says.

I stop spontaneously. Sunghoon sighs behind me, then grabs my shoulders, Heeseung notices and turns around, I lower my eyes as he gently pushes me towards the low table and makes me sit on the floor.

"Let's talk." Sunghoon repeats, sitting next to me, close enough to rest the back of his thigh against mine. "We talked, we… exchanged opinions." Jay says in a rather sarcastic tone. "Without me." He reminds him of the peer next to me. "That's really funny." Riki comments, looking at them almost pitifully. Sunghoon looks at him coldly, Heeseung smiles unnerved. "It is, but let's talk about concrete things. The shift thing won't work, the council thinkers claim." The minor smiles amusedly. "Then we cancel it?" "Oh, no. That's the funny thing - Heeseung continues - they… have a pretty good idea. While Jay's dating Amanda's friend, you're dating Wonyoung, Jungwon's been dating Hanni for about two years, and Sunoo, he…. - laughs, even more nervous - he's also dating someone! He hasn't evenparticipated, but they all agree on that." "This what?" Sunghoon asks more seriously now. "Let's cancel the shifts. - He shouts with Jungwon's usual smile. - We can keep them, but you would have to give up yours and I'm sure you would never do that. Am I right?" "Explain yourself better, Jungwon." Man, that's scary, Sunghoon. "Let Amanda help us, in no particular order. With whomever she feels like, whenever she wants… - he explains, I can tell he's about to say something dangerous, he's even struggling to say the words himself, but he seems so amused that it makes me really uncomfortable. - Still, she should not refuse. Of course, if she agrees, but… that would solve everything. If we behave well and don't bother her too much, if she can't choose who to favour, everything will be fine, and it will be much more professional".

For several seconds I cannot tell if what I have just heard is an auditory hallucination. You… He didn't really say all that, did he, Jungwon?

Okay, funny. Really, ten out of ten for originalit - Sunghoon replies, grabbing my wrist and pulling me up. - We'll sleep in hotel tonight, tomorrow, if you're clear…" "You don't decide." Jungwon reminds him. Jongseong looks at us, I can see an almost imperceptible smile on his face, a mischievous grin. "Fortunately, the majority decides. Or it could just choose the leader. I don't know if that's convenient." Sunghoon looks at Heeseung, who seems completely impassive. "Aren't you going to do anything? You're the oldest!" "You don't understand the situation. - The elder answers in a whisper. - You don't decide, she does."

Sunghoon turns to me, stares at me for a long time, but I don't know what to say, so he lets go of my wrist and turns to his bandmates.

"Sunoo, what the fuck?! Why do you agree?!" The minor smiles amusedly and puts down his glass. "Why shouldn't I? Isn't it to my advantage, too? I could be a breath of fresh air for Amanda noona." Hoon doesn't seem to have expected such a reaction, he remains silent for a few seconds, then turns to Jake. "You always make the worst choices, don't you?" Jaeyun smiles, but is annoyed and quickly changes his expression. "Don't bother me. I've had enough of you and your women, I don't want boona to be one of them." "Noona?" He repeats in disbelief. "She likes to be called that. Don't you know?"

Oh. I've gone all red, this isn't the time to be embarrassed about these things, dammit!

"Sit down, Amanda." Jay says to me in his warmest voice.

Even though I know that this will break Sunghoon's heart, should he actually have one, I walk past Sunghoon after a few seconds of thinking and sit down at the table. The one who stands up is Heeseung, but also abruptly.

"Don't do it, Amanda." He tells me, it's an order. "Do you realise that if you don't, it will become more and more difficult to keep you with us? - Jungwon explains, becoming more serious, perhaps for the first time. - We… want you here, understand?" He says this as his cunning gaze squares me until I feel naked and helpless in front of him. "If we pay the debt, they'll send you to the farthest country, if we end the contract, you'll work somewhere else. - Jay continues with a sigh. - We don't want that." "If you stay here, you'll be safe." Jake finally explains, although he doesn't look at me. Jungwon bites his lips in amusement, then takes my hand in both of his and squeezes it. "You can set all the limits you want, except that… to… refuse you. Unless there are medical problems, of course! - He reassures me, as if he's talking about something completely normal. Then he shakes my hand a little more and his eyes become even more puppy-dog eyes. - After all, it's fun… and you're our fan, so I'm sure you'll enjoy it… helping us maintain our well-being."

I swallow, just hearing him talk like that makes me excited again.

"Ok, shall we make it like an opening ceremony?" Riki suggests with his sensual volatility as he gets down on his knees. "Fuck, you guys are crazy, aren't you?" Sunghoon asks with a nervous half-smile. "An opening ceremony?" Sunoo ignores him and looks at the minor. The Japanese boy begins to laugh in amusement, then lowers his gaze to his crotch, hymming something very unorthodox. "Well… all together, in the name of friendship." "Oh my God." Jay comments in disgust. Sunoo bursts out laughing, as does Jungwon, although for a few seconds he turns and looks at me strangely. "Let's do it, come on." Jake is speechless. "You… oh my… that's disgusting. You're a fucking child!" "I'm not!" Riki replies curtly.

Heeseung stares at him for several seconds, his gaze is icy, it sends shivers down my spine, but not only that… Then he turns to Sunghoon, the two of them staring at each other in silence, but I lower my gaze, intimidated.

"Amanda will sleep with Sunoo tonight." Heeseung says, massaging the space between his eyebrows as he tries to stay calm. "After the ceremony?" The unconscious Niki asks. "Say it again. - Heeseung raises his voice and looks menacingly at the maknae. - Look at Sunghoon's face, I'll make it much worse for you." "Come on, why don't do it, hyung?" The younger man replied. "It's still my turn. - Sunghoon says seriously, interrupting them thankfully, because Heeseung doesn't seem to be joking at all. - I want to finish it off." "I haven't had a full twenty-four hours either, get over it." Jay replies. "No problem for me, I can accommodate her before or after the ceremony." Sunoo laughs. "Amanda, the advice I gave you. Forget it." Sunghoon says behind my back. "What advice?" Jungwon asks curiously. "I changed my mind, completely. It was nonsense, you'll go to China or somewhere else." "What advice?" Heeseung asks in a darker tone. "Let's do it." I say suddenly.

They are all silent for a few seconds, I have a tired look on my face.

"Are you kidding? - Heeseung shouts. - I said I'll pay. I said I'll take care of it." "You don't have to do that. - I say with an edge in my voice. - I have nothing to do with you, look at me. - I'm being rhetorical. - I did it with Sunghoon and also with…. Niki. Why would you… it's humiliating for you. Don't do it. It's not worth it…"

I can't bring myself to meet his gaze, afraid his expression could easily tear my heart apart. I'm a bad person, whether he's that bad or not, he should know.

"Did you do it with Yeonjun and Soobin?" He asks me, as if it matters in any way. I don't answer right away, everyone stares at me, Riki laughs. "Go ahead, answer." Sunghoon urges me not so gently. "No… but what does it matter?"

Heeseung sighs and looks almost relieved. Sunghoon and Jay seem to do the same.

"It does matter." The three repeat with a dazed expression. "Glad you trusted her instead of asking who was there." He remembers Riki, who I look at confused, no, scared. Heeseung looks at him and purses his lips. "Yes, I believe her." "And you do well, Hyung. I would never let them do to her what I would have done to her."

Heeseung quick to violence, at least that's what I could see, but he still stops, perhaps because the one in front of him is still his maknae, the youngest. But the look he gives him… it's hard to describe how much fear he gives me.

"So… shall we officially end the fifth round?" Jungwon suggests. "Let's do it." Sunoo smiles and looks at Sunghoon, who for some reason can't answer in front of him. Jay swallows, struggling. He looks at Jungwon, he knows him very well, he seems annoyed by his behaviour. "Should we?" "Why should she sleep with Sunoo? Shouldn't she be able to choose where she sleeps?" Jake asks, already assuming that the fifth round will indeed end here. "Do you think she would sleep with you?" Riki teases him, sitting on the floor leaning on his palms.

Jungwon bursts out laughing and puts a hand on Jake's shoulder to stop him from getting up and hitting him. Sunoo just laughs, I'm just in shock.

"Do you want to, Noona? - Jungwon comes up to my ear and willingly places his lips on it. - Tomorrow we'll make all the rules, but tonight… are you ready? Has Sunghoon taken your strength?"

The way he whispers in my ear, the way his voice spreads through my brain, awakening primal instincts, immediately throws me off track.

As I try to hold my breath (I don't even know why), he notices and laughs.

"I… I don't… I don't think… " Jay has been watching us for a while, he's obviously annoyed. "Jungwon, what are you doing?"

Sunghoon approaches and notices, maybe because he's done nothing but watch Heeseung so far. He abruptly pulls Jungwon away and Jungwon resents it, Heeseung also approaches us and I involuntarily lower my shoulders as if to make myself smaller. I don't know what's going on and I'm afraid of what might happen.

"Ouch, hyung! I'm smaller but bigger. Don't make me angry." He says this in a joking tone, but he seems to be seriously annoyed. "I'd like to… sleep here." I admit, trying to restore order. "No, that's no good." Riki says, as if he had no obvious second ends.

Heeseung sighs, makes space between us and then grabs my arm with such force that it lifts me up, I'm scared, I admit, it's starting to scare me, it hurts. I don't like it. Sunghoon just did the same thing, but he was gentler.

I can tell he's really nervous, I don't like it at all.

As I stand up, I pull my arm away from his grasp just as abruptly, and he looks me in the eye, seemingly angry, but then seems to turn away unarmed, betraying some concern. Sunghoon lifts the sleeve of his sweatshirt, which I'm still wearing, to see if he's left a mark on me, but Heeseung looks away in annoyance.

"Let's talk for a moment, please." "Wait until tomorrow then." Sunghoon reminds him. "He can't even talk to me when she wants to?" The younger man glares at him; I never said I wanted to, but he takes it for granted. "Not on my shift." "It's not your shift anymore, haven't you heard?"

I sigh tiredly, I can't take it anymore, this day seems to never end. I look at Sunoo, he is smiling but I can still see some annoyance in his expression.

"I think noona is uncomfortable. - He says in a cheerful but mischievous tone. - Should she sleep with me? Do you want to, noona?" "Y-Yes." I nod quickly. "You don't even want to talk to me?" Sunghoon asks me.

I scamper ridiculously between them, standing behind the backs of Jay and Jungwon, who don't move and remain in front of me.

"I-I just want my phone."

Sunghoon remains speechless, Heeseung starts to laugh out loud.

"Go to sleep, both of you." Jay sighs. Jungwon goes up to his ear and covers his mouth from the side of the two bandmates, letting me see what he's about to say as he looks at me amusedly out of the corner of his eye. "Shouldn't he sleep with you? After all, you are the most serious of us, and Sunoo is younger."

I swallow and look down, pretending not to have heard, even though it's obvious that I have. I've heard everything and I don't even despise the idea… but it's not out of any ulterior motives, it's just that for some reason I think Sunoo has it in for me, and I also think that the only person I could talk to about how I feel is Jay, only he, maybe… would be willing to listen to me.

"No way." Heeseung replies. "Jay hyung is dating with his friend, nothing will happen." Jungwon reassures them, rightly in my opinion. "No way." The eldest repeats, looking his dongsaeng, who has the serious and unyielding look as if they were the same age. "You don't decide that, she does." Jay sighs and turns to me. "Really… don't you want to talk to me" Sunghoon asks me, seriously, no, even wistfully. I swallow, swallowing the lump in my throat and trying to fight the urge to cry. "I just wish… it wasn't a competition. I can talk to anyone."

Sunghoon does not answer me, but takes a step back and literally leaves the room to go to his room. Judging by the silence that follows, I don't think I'm the only one surprised by his behaviour.

"Oh, how cute - Heeseung sneers, although he has such an icy stare when he looks at me - did you delude him?" I lower my eyes, not sure if I did anything like that, but I know he is offended and disappointed to me and that makes me sad. "It's none of your business." "I apologised for earlier, but now we need to talk."

I still sigh, I can't deny him, but I'm still worried about Sunghoon. He left in a strange way, looking so nervous.

"N-no, you didn't. But I'd like to say something…'' - I try to steady myself as all eyes are on me - I… I hope this won't be misunderstood, but… couldn't we just finish the shift? Things will be different tomorrow and we're definitely not going to do anything tonight, but c-couldn't we create any more…"

Only now do I realise how stupid I am, that Sunghoon only went to get my phone back to me, instead I just blew it out of proportion, feeling really guilty and sad for him. I was so embarrassed that I immediately shut up.

Sunghoon looks at me, I look at him too, but only for a second, then I look down in embarrassment. I know Heeseung isn't happy with my words, but I don't want him to win… again.

I see the ice prince cover his face with one hand as he shrugs his shoulders, offended (maybe even embarrassed?), and then puts my phone back in his pocket. Jay sighs tiredly, Jungwon laughs but is nervous.

"We can't do this. The situation is already borderline". Jay says annoyed. "You will end up to fuck again if you spend the evening together." Jaeyun comments, sitting at the table, staring at us, resting his face in the palm of his hand. "W-What difference does it make? We've already done it and then… I honestly don't think he'd want to, knowing that I've agreed to the terms of the new contract." I explain, very uncomfortably. "Yes indeed, mind your own business." Sunghoon replies. "That's a nice way to get back at you - Heeseung says then, taking me by the wrist gently this time - but now, let's talk."

He takes me to the kitchen so fast they can't stop him, then we go to the balcony, his grip tightening all the way, careful not to hurt me.

"Do you like him now? Has he told you that he's willing to do anything and usual shit for you? "I look at him annoyed, but I can't take much more. "Would you stop it? And by the way, you say that shit too". "Why do you believe him and not me?" He raises his voice and lets go of my wrist. "Heeseung, it's… it's nothing, it means nothing. Let's finish the shift, so it's all even, no… no hard feelings." "You just want to be with him." He says in a deep, scary tone. I swallow and pull away. "No, Heeseung. I want to stay away from both of you. However…" "Then just talk to him tonight. Don't sleep with him." "Will that change anything? From tomorrow I'll be at the mercy of everyone!" I raise my voice, this time looking into his eyes, but he remains cold, unyielding. "I will fight every second to prevent you from spending another minute with Sunghoon. I don't fear anyone, Amanda - he tells me with an air of conviction and threat - but of him yes. I know you can't help wanting him, I just want to limit the damage. If I have to suffer to have you, he has to suffer too.

I smile, not because I am amused, but because hi answer, his speech, really frightened me, made me insecure and nervous. He sounds serious, he sounds sincere, but there is no reason why he should be.

"If I don't have you in the end - he says again, lowering his tone further, "he won't have you either, Amanda." "You… you have to stand by him." I reply. Heeseung stares at me blankly for several seconds, then smiles pitifully. "What?" "You're friends, you have to be, do… d-do it for your music, for your dream! Don't waste your light on me… I… I'm not enough… - I say and my voice shakes, it comes out irregularly. - I just want you two to be friends, to protect each other, I… I would give anything to make things right between you. I admit as huge tears fall from my eyes.

Heeseung stands like a fool in front of my tears, unable to speak, but then sighs as if embarrassed and hugs me, avoiding looking at me directly. He is… warm. His body is very warm and comfortable, although I think his heart is very cold right now.

I didn't think it would hurt so much to know that I had failed him.

"It's not your fault, don't worry about such things."

Letting him embrace me like that, almost in public, makes me feel worried, I fear every second that Sunghoon might see us and continue with the scenes, but just like with him, I cannot refuse Heeseung. His touch, his smell, his body, I am completely helpless.

He is always so sweet, even though there are sides of him that obviously frighten me. Who is the real Heeseung? And is there really someone else?

But why does he make me feel so special?

He doesn't give up anything for me, but it's like he's fighting with the whole world.

"I'm s-serious, Heeseung. I care more about your music… than you." Despite saying this, the boy continues to hug me as he sighs tiredly. "So if we become friends, will you choose me?" "You're not listening to me!" I reply, pulling away. But he squeezes me harder, forcing me to hide my face on his broad chest. "No, I've got it all worked out. You just need to leave it to me." "I don't think you understand."

Heeseung pulls away after a few dozen seconds in which I could feel his heartbeat quickening as a pain so intense, a burning sensation that radiated from his chest throughout his body, tore through me. Now he looks at me, still cold, but now also tired. He still strokes my arm, even though we are far apart.

"Sorry about earlier…" He whispers, sounding remorseful to me. I shake my head in embarrassment. "N-never mind. Thanks for apologising." "I didn't think I was that strong."

Heeseung looks at me again, caressing my face with the back of his fingers, he looks worried but I can't tell if he really is.

"Sunghoon… Did he tell you about the video?" "What video?" The boy blinks in displeasure, but still doesn't seem friendly. "Ah, I thought so. Get it from him." "Since you know… w-why don't you tell me?" His eyes aren't tired, they look completely drained, I shiver. "Because he has to pay a price if he wants to spend this night with you. - Then he comes close to my ear and sighs. - But we can be friends, really. I will, for you."

I am speechless. I don't know what to say, but I have a bad feeling. Heeseung doesn't want to tell me, he seems happy to have given the task to the minor. A video… there's usually nothing good in videos.

In the midst of all this, my heart exploded.

"How many saw it ? What video is it, Heeseung?" He walks up to me and kisses my forehead, the gesture so warm that it shuts me up again. "I'll take care of it, don't worry. Not everyone knows, don't worry… Jungwon is young and a bit crazy, but Jay keeps him calm. I'll take care of it".

I swallow, what the hell am I supposed to say? I don't understand, my head is spinning. Really, maybe I'm at my limit, maybe Sunghoon hasn't left me any strength to hold on and cope.

I fainted, totally. I can't see anything, but I'm not going to fall, I'm sure of that.

I don't know what's happening, I don't know how much time is passing, but when I wake up, I'm in Sunghoon's room and I don't understand. I was with Heeseung before, right? The owner of the room is watching me, and when he notices that I'm awake, he approaches me and touches my forehead with the palm of his hand.

"Are you all right?" "Ah… yeah, I think I got dizzy." Sunghoon doesn't answer immediately, but sighs. "You literally fainted." I look at him in silence, suddenly remembering Heeseung's words and stiffening. "How did I get here?" "Never mind." He replies more seriously, as if he has just remembered that he was angry with me.

His back is to me as he opens the wardrobe, takes off his jumper and remains shirtless, carefully tucking the jumper into the dirty laundry basket. I can't help looking at it, man… you never get tired of looking at something perfect.

No, Amanda! Stop it!

As he takes off his trousers too, but puts them back in the cupboard, I sprint to the bed and cover my face with both hands as I see his… I've never seen him look so good, but he's got a really nice bum!

"Come on! Don't c-change in front of me!" "You're kidding, right?" He replies annoyed. "Go to hell, Park Sunghoon." I say involuntarily. He gets irritated. "What did you and Heeseung talk about?"

I don't answer immediately, I want to ask him something first. He seemed to understand, even though I didn't speak, and then I looked away.

"Why do you have such a useless room?" "Useless? - He asks me offended. - You have it wrong, the word is 'tidy', you need an overhaul." "Is it because of what you told me at the ice rink?" "Why are you suddenly so curious?" "I want to ask you things because I may never get the chance again." I explain. "What are you talking about? - He raises his voice and comes towards me after pulling on a pair of baggy trousers, the fabric of which is so thin it looks transparent, beige in colour, and which fall damn well on his long legs. - Where are you going? You said you accepted, you…" "I've accepted, but I hope I never get to this level of intimacy with anyone again." I sigh, uncertain. "Oh yeah? Then why should I answer? - He says, looking at me reluctantly as he slowly buttons his pyjama jacket, the same colour and fabric as his trousers. - You just lied all the time and you enjoyed it. That was what you wanted, wasn't it?"

Sunghoon… that really seems to be him.

"Exactly." I nod sadly.

That's not true, I didn't lie, I tried not to expose myself and him, I tried my best to restrain myself, to deny and hold back, but Sunghoon didn't notice, and that makes me sad, even though it shouldn't.

"Stop it, stop it now." He tells me seriously. I look up… he's handsome, even in his pyjamas. "What?" "You can't really… say you didn't feel anything."

I swallow, we didn't talk about it directly, he didn't ask me, but… if I stop caring about him, that's good. That's what I want, for both of us.

"How… how did you know I was… t-touched for you?"

He blanches, growing more serious but also more nervous as he tightens his lips in annoyance, his beautiful eyes narrowing on me.

"When was I going to say that?" "Think about it." I answer him.

He swallows and remains silent. Then suddenly he sits down on the bed, facing me, staring at me.

"I didn't tell you so you wouldn't… get hurt. I'll take care of it… so you don't have to worry. - He says this with a solemn air, he understands the gravity of what has happened, he doesn't even touch me because he can see from my gaze that now is not the time. - Think about it, he didn't wait a second to tell you! It won't come out, you have to believe me, you shouldn't have known". "I shouldn't have known?!" I raise my voice, stunned. "So you're just going to get sick! You're already so nervous, I didn't want to put you through this." "Sunghoon, I'm not a child you have to protect! - I remind him, and he gets even grumpier (he looks like the child now). - These things are so important, you can't think of excluding me voluntarily! I… oh my God, there's a video of me like this? And I'm alone, aren't I? So… oh fuck". I say, curling up into a ball and covering my face with my hands as I make moaning, shocked noises. "I… - He tries to put his hand on my shoulder, but suddenly, uncomfortably, decides not to. - T-Told you, you don't need to worry." "Tell me what happened….. Sunghoon…"

He sighs, obviously not wanting to talk about it. I don't know if I should understand his decisions… they are so arrogant, but basically kind. No, it's disrespectful - and yet… why do I feel he meant well?

"Jungwon has a video in wich… - he looks up embarrassed and I can't believe he has the courage to be embarrassed in such a context - you… you touch yourself, for me, clearly". "I understood that too me…" "Well, he won't publish it, he just wanted to scare us. - He sighs and lowers his face. - He knows we'll do anything to get him."

I put my hands back to my hair, how embarrassing, how pathetic, but most of all….

"Why the hell does he have cameras in the room?" "I wish I could find out too… I'm so angry that he saw a moment like that. - He comments in a very nervous but distracted tone. - You touched yourself for me, I should have the video! "I didn't touch myself for you!" I remind him, because suddenly that seems to be the important thing, not the possibility of completely and permanently destroying my reputation. "Don't lie. You're so perverted…" He laughs.

I slap his arm, slowly but quickly, I don't want to hurt him but I want him to understand that I want to do it to him. He laughs again, then stops and stares at me, realising he has been smiling too long, he suddenly becomes serious again.

"Look, I'm sorry, but Jungwon is a good guy. It's just that…" "He hurt your face." I reply, just finishing his sentence, not feeling sorry for him, looking at the wound on his mouth that I've deliberately ignored so far. He nods. "Exactly, we screwed up. But nothing will happen, tomorrow I'll make sure it's erased, but tonight is… the last night." "I don't want to d-do it anymore. I'm tired." I explain, hastily and lyingly.

Even if I wanted to, I'm still angry. The fact that he wanted to protect me isn't enough, can't be enough.

"That's not what I meant… you're really perverted." I hit him again. "Stop it." My tone is serious. "So… Heeseung told you about the video, but didn't explain anything, leaving me with the thankless job." "It would have been nice if you two didn't take it as a game." Serious comment. "I told you to trust me." "He did too.- I force a smile. - But I'm still not quiet." "Not enough? - He says. - Everything I've told you, what I've done, even though we've known each other for such a short time… isn't it enough?"

I look at him in silence, even angrier, but I can't think of anything to say at the moment. Sunghoon, seeing me so transparent, smiles softly, but I can tell he's sad too.

"I'm not clear either, I can only say I'll do my best to protect you. But you can only trust me, I have no other way to prove it." "Please… don't use this video against me. Not now, not in the future, no matter what happens. C-Can you promise?"

Caught, he's speechless. That means he's seriously thinking about it, and I don't know whether to be happy or not.

"Of course, who do you think I am? - Sigh. - You should tell Heeseung." "Stop talking about him." I reply annoyed. "Stop telling me to." He replies again before pulling me into his arms and throwing himself onto his bed.

I can't even struggle at the moment, he's stretched out tiredly. He's holding me so tightly I can't even move, but he's made himself comfortable and even rests his chin on my head, breathing exhaustedly.

"This really won't be the last time." He tells me, although he seems to be talking to himself.

What should I do? What could I say? Even now I feel sad, and I'm pretty sure it's not because of the video. I like to close my eyes in his arms, I like the smell of his skin, so fresh.

"Stop saying… such things." "Sleep and shut up." "Are you… going to sleep like that?" "I said shut up. - He says, making himself more comfortable and holding me. - I'm sleepy."

[mrsstruggle]

All The Good Girls Go To Hell - Prologue // Harry Potter AU

Summary: It's been a year since the war ended. Cedric Diggory is found dead and in debt to The Damnation. His sister, Y/N Diggory, offers to take her brother's place in The Damnation to pay off his debt, but things become complicated when she starts to develop feelings for the two handsome leaders.

[Wattpad]

Pairings: Y/N x Fred Weasley, Y/N Diggory x George Weasley (separately, not together because I will not write that)

Series Warnings: Language, Mentions of Death/Injury/Grief/Torture, Possible Grammar Mistakes (please let me know if there is anything else), and A Lot of Smut!!

Words: 1.5K (this is short but chapters will be longer!)

Note: This is a Harry Potter AU. This is set after the war.

Another Note: Cedric was not killed during the Triwizard Tournament, but he was tortured at the cemetery.

[I had this queued for 7PM, but it didn't post :/]

Masterlist

All The Good Girls Go To Hell Masterlist

---

Standing outside the infamous joke shop Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, Y/N Diggory never felt so out of place. She has a briefcase in one hand and the other nervously tugging at the end of her short, red dress in hopes that it would somehow get longer. She needs to go inside but can't find the willpower to get her legs to move.

Kids run past her, shouting and laughing, as their parents rush after them into the shop. There are more people out than she thought there would be. She chose to come as close to closing time as possible, hoping there would only be a few people there. She wonders if it stays this crowded or if it's because the kids return to Hogwarts in a week.

"Are you actually going to go inside, or are you going to stand out here all day?" Y/N jumps slightly and quickly looks to her side to see where the voice is coming from. She locks eyes with a handsome redhead who is now standing to the left of her.

"I'm supposed to meet someone inside, but my legs seemed glued to the sidewalk for some reason." She nervously jokes.

The guy chuckles lowly. "Do I need to see if I can find something to get the glue off," he quickly retorts.

Y/N snorts out a laugh as she looks back down at the ground. She notices that he's wearing a thick, black pair of combat boots. As she looks back up at him, she observes that he doesn't look like the type of guy who would come to a joke shop. With his black tactical joggers paired with a plain black t-shirt, he seems out of place, but she knows he could say the same thing about her.

"Hopefully it will just wash away with my nerves," she brings the briefcase in front of her so she can grip the handle with both hands, "I don't know if you can tell, but I've never been here before."

He glances down at her briefcase before shifting his gaze back up, "I wouldn't say it's too obvious, but you do look a bit overdressed. What's in the briefcase?"

"It's nothing," she chuckles nervously. "Would you believe me if I said I was trying to start a new trend?"

"Not at all, but if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. My name's Charlie, by the way."

"I'm Y/N."

"Well, I've got to get to work, but it was nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too." Y/N watches as Charlie walks into the joke shop and disappears into the sea of children.

She takes a deep breath as she tries to remember what Hermione told her to do. She needs to go inside and get a Penelope's Purple Pussy Cats. Take it to the front counter and ask if it comes in red. She remembers that Hermione told her to specifically ask, "Does this come in red?" and she can't ask any other way.

After standing in place for a few more seconds, Y/N finally wills her legs to move and opens the large entrance door. If she thought the sound of children screaming and laughing was loud from outside the shop, it was even louder inside. Kids were running around—going from stand to stand—checking out whatever caught their eye. You would think it was the shop's opening day, but it's been open for years.

Y/N moves to the side as a group of boys runs past her towards the back of the store. She looks around, hoping to see what she's looking for, but there are too many people in the store to see anything else other than people. Right now, she's cursing Hermione for not giving her instructions for where the hell to find a Penelope's Purple Pussy Cats.

She slowly weaves her way through the crowd as she searches for what she's looking for. She can feel her nerves get more and more on edge as people bump into the briefcase she's holding.

After walking around the store for another ten minutes, she finally spots what she needs. Tucked into a corner of the store, behind what appears to be love potions, she finds the Penelope's Purple Pussy Cats. Y/N grabs the box closest to her and makes her way to the checkout.

As she approaches the checkout, she silently thanks the universe for there not being a line. She quietly approaches the blonde girl standing at the checkout and sets the Penelope's Purple Pussy Cats on the table, "Um...does this come in red?"

Y/N's heart starts to race as the girl stares at her silently. Did she say the wrong thing? Is this one big prank to make her look like an idiot?

The girl, Verity (according to her name tag), entered something in the cash register before turning back to her, "Three Galleons."

Y/N quickly dugs into the purse that is hanging from her left shoulder. She slams three Galleons onto the counter, wincing at how harshly she set them down.

Verity slowly scoops up the Galleons and puts them into the register. She closes the register as her other hand dings a bell right next to it. The ding rings loudly throughout the store.

Y/N's hands tap nervously on the briefcase's handle as she waits for something to happen. Hermione told her that someone would come and take her to where she needed to go, but is she supposed to stand here and wait, or is she supposed to step aside somewhere?

"Bill will take you to find what you need," Verity says as a tall redhead—who, other than the large scars across his face, looks like the one she met earlier—emerges from the sea of people around the store. He stops when he's next to Y/N.

"Follow me," he says gruffly. He turns and starts walking toward the back of the store. Y/N tries to follow as closely as she can so she doesn't lose him amongst the crowd.

As they reach the back of the store, Bill opens a door with a sign that says 'EMPLOYEES ONLY' and gestures for her to follow him inside. Walking inside what appears to be a large storage closet, she watches as he easily moves a large shipping crate labeled 'FRAGILE' to reveal a trapdoor on the floor.

As he opens the trapdoor, Y/N can hear loud music and see flashing lights coming from the now-open hole in the floor. Looking a little closer, she can see an enclosed stone staircase that seems to spiral down into somewhere unknown. She looks up to see Bill looking at her expectantly—like she was supposed to just be okay with walking down into an unknown place underneath a joke shop.

"Are you going to go in?" Bill asks her.

"Yeah, obviously..." she looks back and forth from him to the staircase nervously, "Are Fred and George down there? If so, how do I find them?"

Bill's face somehow turns more serious than before, "What do you need with Fred and George?" He glances down at the briefcase in her hand before looking back at her face.

"I need to speak with them," she replies, straightening her posture a little to look more confident.

"About what?"

"That's none of your business."

Bill sighs, "Look, I don't know what you want from them, but they don't like to mix business with pleasure. If you need to speak to them about business, you'll need to make an appointment with Verity. If you need to speak with them about something else," he looks her up and down, "you should be able to find them quite easily. Just don't come back crying when they don't see you again."

Y/N scoffs in disgust, "I'm here to talk business, and I won't be making an appointment. It's important."

"If it's so important, why can't you tell me?"

"Why would I tell you?"

"I'm their brother, and I'm the one holding this door open for you. I can easily close it if I'd like."

Y/N sighs as she contemplates what to do. Does she tell him why she's here? Does she turn around and come back another time? She doesn't know how many people know about her brother's involvement with the twins or about what he did.

"I need to talk to them about Cedric Diggory," she says, trying to look as serious as possible. Y/N notices Bill's jaw clench in anger when she says Cedric's name.

"What about Cedric?"

"I'm here to pay off his debt."

Bill scoffs, "What? He decides not to show up today and sends some girl in to pay off his debt for him. It's going to take a lot more than whatever's in that briefcase to make up for what he did."

"Well, considering he's never going to show back up again, this is the best they're going to get." Y/N shrugs.

"What does that mean?"

"He's dead. Cedric's dead."

---

@xxemmarldxx @esposadomd @ladyjenjay

[yuseirra]

The reason why the idea of "Future" is kept brought up in this series- an explanation:

When you draw fan comics, you have to closely examine and study the original work, right? That's what I've been doing all along,

Please, LISTEN. There is a reason why Ruby and Aqua's all about the "future" in the final arc of this series. There is a base on their logic for that and why this manga stresses on it although it doesn't seem convincing that it's actually a good one.

I'm really right about this... Wow, this ridiculous manga...the plot can get really bizarre, doesn't it?

I don’t think I lack the ability to understand things. I read books, I listen to lectures, I summarize what I watch, and I’m interested in literacy and comprehension. I TOOK media literacy classes, I study things related to that field. I might not be perfect, but I try not to misinterpret things. That’s why this work really bothered me—there were things that just kept spotting out but aren't fully explained.

I went back to check a few details (I can't bring myself to reread the last chapter; this work is too painful).

The whole "future" thing they keep bringing up, what they mean by that is—

Kamiki is a god who guides the future. He’s originally the noble deity Sarutahiko-Ōkami, the husband of Ame-no-Uzume. That’s who he is.

What Tsukuyomi was talking about in Chapter 161—what that actually means—is that Kamiki is acting this way because, just like in Mephisto’s lyrics, he’s been wandering around collecting "light" from those who have the potential to surpass Ai. If he really did try to harm Ruby, then it was because he was trying to take her light for himself.

What he’s been trying to do all along is something with "light." And if he gathered enough of it, he could feel Ai’s presence or even bring her back to life. It’s not that he couldn't forgive or hated people who could surpass Ai. On the contrary, he actively sought them out because that aligned with his goal—to retrieve the light of the star in their eyes. That’s why his company is called EYES, meaning "eyes." Ai’s very existence was embedded in those eyes. The white star-eyes are imbued with love, and that’s the power of Ame-no-Uzume-no-Mikoto—the goddess of entertainment and love, which is also Ai’s power. That’s what he’s been searching for all his life.

Not harming Ruby seemed to be the last bit of conscience he had left. At some point, he was probably ready to give up, turn himself in, or just die. But then, after seeing Ai’s video—after receiving her emotions—he couldn’t let go anymore. Whether he had to go to hell himself didn’t matter; he had to bring Ai back, or at least make her existence more significant. I think that's what he meant by "doing something for Ai"—if Tsukuyomi was right.

But in the English version, this is made ambiguous again at the end with an "if so." So did he really believe killing Ruby was his mission? That’s actually unclear. In fact, if you look at the circumstances—at least at the point where Aqua held a knife to him—it doesn’t actually seem like he was trying to harm Ruby. He told Aqua to keep watching Ruby go down her idol path, didn’t he? Then I believe it is safe to derive the conclusion that Kamiki wasn't going to harm Ruby right then and there then at the very least!

It does seem like Ruby received Ai’s blessing, power, or divine protection. Kamiki was fully aware of this, and as he was dying, he regretted not being able to do anything about it. If he could take that light for himself, he was sure he could meet Ai again—there was something about it that made that possible for him.

I keep saying this, but my intuition is seriously sharp. Back when Chapter 154 was released, I knew the only responsibility Kamiki would have had with Ai's murder would have been having slipped the address, that he only would have asked to have the flowers delivered to Ai. He would not have seen any of that disaster coming!! And I was right!!! That has got to be the truth!!! PLEASE!!!

I know my characterization of this guy is spot-on. The manga keeps throwing in confusion and steering him toward being a villain, but at the same time, it keeps dropping hints that he's not.

What he really is, is a god who desperately wanted to bring back his dead wife. The role of Izanagi—that role fell on him. But compared to Izanagi and Izanami, Sarutahiko and Ame-no-Uzume are an even more devoted couple. In their mythology, it’s the husband who dies, so the way this plays out is different. Kamiki, as the husband, couldn’t let go of his wife.

Izanagi ultimately locked his wife away in the underworld and left, but Kamiki never gave up. Because he’s a different god. Sarutahiko was a god who deeply loved his wife, to the point that he became a deity who blessed marriages together with her. Ame-no-uzume and Sarutahiko Okami symbolize matrimonial bliss. They are that close and deeply attached!!!

And since he’s a god who leads people to goodness, if he falls—then everything around him twists. The world turns corrupt, insane, and destructive.

In chapter 166 (…Yeah…;; I ended up checking to refresh my memory), Ruby says how Aqua and her mother "illuminated her future for her." What this means is—

Ruby’s father, that guy, is a god who influences the future!!!!! Aqua determined that, since he had fallen, he could twist Ruby’s future, so he killed him. That’s why Ruby says what she does.

The final chapter directly draws from the myth where Ame-no-Uzume lures Amaterasu out of the cave, allowing Amaterasu to shine once more. The people watching Ruby say things like, “Oh… it’s as if she was sent by the gods,” or “She was sent to illuminate the darkness.” That’s Ruby as Amaterasu.

Aqua is Susanoo, Ai is Ame-no-Uzume, and Kamiki is her husband, Sarutahiko. And the moment it’s confirmed that he is Sarutahiko, all the strange supernatural elements in this manga suddenly make sense.

The whole thing about eyes emitting light or stars appearing in them—that element is based on that god. Sarutahiko is described as having shining eyes with something inside them.

If there’s anything related to “light” or “gods” in this manga, the correct approach is to link it to Kamiki. For example, in chapter 147, Ruby making wishes to a god in a Shrine. Sarutahiko is a deity who could grant wishes. Even his name is a clue. That’s why the lyrics of Mephisto and Fatal are centered around him, whereas Ai’s lyrics mention being a “reincarnation of the morning star,” meaning she should be understood concerning “stars.”

Ame-no-Uzume-no-Mikoto was mentioned—she’s a deity, right? The goddess of entertainment? She’s connected to Ai, and if you analyze her myth, it just confirms that Ai is her reincarnation. What she does in this comic is heavily linked to her role as that "idol of the gods who's helped Amaterasu shine once more, wed a god of light who ends up drowning."

This means “the reincarnation of the morning star” = “the reincarnation of the goddess of dawn(Ame-no-Uzume)” = “the reincarnation of a star equals a reincarnation of a god”

In other words, stars = gods in this work. And in this manga, stars dwell in people’s eyes(refer to how "Fatal" stars out. Fatai IS Kamiki's song. He's looking for those eyes with stars in them because of his "lack of Ai". That's what that song is talking about). The lyrics mention it, and the original story hints at it as well.

Additionally, a god who loves humans was brought up. Love = Ai, and Ame-no-Uzume is deeply associated with love, meaning she represents both Ame-no-Uzume and Ai at the same time.

Ame-no-Uzume’s husband is Sarutahiko Okami, the god of light and the one who guides the future…

And what that god was doing was wandering, lost, searching for his deceased wife within the eyes of others.

All those mentions of the "future" in the latter part of the story? It’s simply that Kamiki is Ai’s husband deity, and he had the power to alter the future—but because it was flawed, he became dangerous, so Aqua captured him to protect Ruby’s future.

That’s the correct interpretation.

And when you frame it this way, if you consider to what extent Kamiki intentionally caused these events and how much actually unfolded the way he wanted—

Given that he was genuinely tormented by certain events and didn’t seem particularly malicious, at least half of the truth may very well be that he really never wanted things to turn out this way.

From what I see, this person never lied when it came to matters regarding Ai. If there was ever a mix of truth and falsehood in what he said, it would be this: he did give Ai’s address to Ryosuke, but he never actually told him to harm her—he really did just ask him to deliver the flowers instead. At that point, he hadn’t seen Ai’s video, so he was in a resigned state, accepting all the blame and punishment on himself.

This person never had lingering attachments regarding how others perceived him or even his own life. The lie he told at that moment was probably out of consideration for Aqua, his son—to lessen Aqua’s guilt in some way. That’s why I was so drawn to this manga in the first place!!! I was convinced of this!!! And honestly, I’m thankful that chapter 160 came out. I always believed that moment had to be brought back because the circumstances were just too strange!!

He was sending Ai flowers! I always thought either Ryosuke snatched the flowers from him or somehow coaxed the address out of him, because when he was younger, this guy had a naïve side—he never displayed an aggressive personality. The very idea of sending flowers to someone he intended to harm doesn’t make sense. He was a minor at the time, and judging by his actions toward Ai, his personality wasn’t twisted to that extent. I genuinely thought he had only meant to send her flowers.

And the way he speaks afterward—it’s far too accepting and soft as if he fully accepts the situation. If the author wrote his dialogue this way, then I feel he chose to write that his state of mind at that moment wasn’t one of someone who had decided to hurt another person.

They say he's a liar- What he says about his actions themselves aren’t lies, but I think he lies about his motives. That’s why it gets labeled as a lie. A lie is most effective when it contains a mixture of truth and falsehood.

And if we’re talking about his true feelings—when it comes to Ai, the feelings he has are very much real. Honestly, his entire character revolves around Ai. I remember being really shocked at first—because I kept getting the idea that he truly did love her. I couldn’t understand how someone with those emotions could be accused of such a terrible crime.

But once I reached the conclusion that he really is a god, everything started making sense—the way characters kept talking about the future, the wishes being made, the visits to shrines, the constant references to gods, and how people just kept dying around him. Everything fell into place, including why Ai wanted to save him.

Ai and Hikaru are a divine couple…; a deeply bonded one. Their abilities were distorted, and in the process, they ended up hurting each other—but not intentionally. That’s why the authors wrote the story so that Ai would say she wanted to help him. If he were truly the man who orchestrated her murder, and she even urges her children to save him with her, that would be unbearably cruel to Ai. What he did would be something that should never be forgiven and they should not make a victim do that to their perpetrator. Ai wanted not just her, but her kids to help this man.

Can you see why this is? Kamiki wasn’t truly at fault in that incident. The real issue is that his ability of leading people into good worked in the opposite direction—he acted with good intentions, but those very actions led to Ai’s death. And because of that, he lost his mind.

I’ve tried explaining this so many times, but does anyone believe me? It’s so obvious to me, but because no one else saw it, I started doubting myself and anxiously followed the later developments.

But I am right. This manga needed to resolve this part of the story… If not, there’s just no way to explain everything that happened.

If someone asks why this even matters, well—even if it’s just a manga, I still think the truth behind certain events should be revealed. This is too much... Someone suffered. Someone is in pain. You can feel it. But this manga doesn’t properly address that pain… At the very least, it should clearly present what happened so that we, as readers, can judge it for ourselves.

It’s not about saying Kamiki did well—of course not. That guy is insane. He caused a massive problem, and he probably committed an unforgivable sin. When chapter 162 or whatever came out, my immediate reaction was, "Yeah… if he did wrong, then he should die." But shouldn’t we at least be sure about what exactly he did? And why he did it?

Is that not important? If my theory is correct, then it’s possible that all these events moved on their own, without him even needing to act. His ability is practically reality-warping—just by wanting something or saying a few words, people around him naturally bring about the results he desires.

He was originally a god meant to guide people in a benevolent direction, but something corrupted him—his power became flawed, and so things started unfolding in a twisted, almost malicious way. But if we consider how much of it was actually his intention… there’s a real possibility that he didn’t genuinely want any of this to happen.

But does that even matter? He’s going to die anyway, right? Since his sins are too great? Still… the manga should have explained what was going on before just throwing everything at us like this.

I feel like I got everything right.

I really do think he was a kind person. He was truly kind—just someone who became warped over time. But if we ask whether this ending is the right one… I can’t say that it is. Sigh… seriously.

I’m confident in what I saw. When I say I noticed something, it’s not like I misinterpret it—I observe things carefully, and I believe I have a strong ability to read into psychological aspects. Now that the manga is over, I feel like I can speak more freely, and I’m pretty sure I got most of it right. But the fact that so few people seem to think the same way I do… that’s what makes me feel so lonely.

[myloveforhergoeson]

ash's september 2024 reading round up

find all the books and fics i read (or didn't read...) this month under the cut with a link to the synopsis and my reviews/ratings attached :)

this is just for fun! i'm not a professional, i just like to read <3

booklist:

Summer Reading by Jenn McKinlay(18+!)

• review: this was a solid read. nothing incredible, but definitely better than some of the other crap i've read this year lol. i enjoyed the dynamic between the fmc - a dyslexic chef named sam - and the mmc - a librarian named ben - and the interesting relationship between someone who hates to read and someone who's life revolves around books. honestly i was really interested to see how this played out between the two of them, but like one week into them fooling around he begins to read a book aloud to her and the conflict is magically solved. sam just loves audiobooks now and i wish the author had done more with that. both sam and ben have goals they're striving to reach and i love that ben is able to see his through to the end, but the reader is kind of left wondering about sam's and i would have loved for that threat to have been tied up, but overall this was a cute read. my only real issue with this story was the quality of writing. there were some parts that were super cringe and were clearly written by a millennial emulating the 'how do you do fellow kids' meme that i could've gone without... anyway. i really enjoyed the relationship exploration between sam and her budding teenager brother. after not being in each others lives for a bit, i thought their bonding over the summer was adorable :) would've loved to read a book just about them tbh. neither of the main characters were the kinds of characters to write home about, but overall i did enjoy the progression of their relationship. just kind of a middle-ground novel.

• rating: 3/5 seasons of the bear that taught me all i know about cooking

fic list:

assorted works of @ceruleanmusings <3

look around your world, pretty baby

Blood Diamond; Year Four

i could always write literal essays on your work i swear to god but these two works this month really got to me as per usual. the first mickames one shot for james canon bday was so freaking adorable. i had literal butterflies in my stomach like i was there on the date with them... despite the urgency of the time crunch, which you did exellent in making it seem like it was somehow slow and fast at the same time, god i read this like three times over. mickey and james are just my favorite ;-;!! and blood diamond always hitting in the feels of course... this one in particular really got to me though. the combination of brooke's annoyance with james the last few chapters really came to a head here at the hair salon. he's just a kiddo!! let him play in peace!! and then her figuring out a way to potentially exploit his singing talent... i'll wring her neck i swear. as always tysm for sharing and tagging me in your works 😭 i could read them forever and ever and ever <3

2. assorted works of @partiallypearl/ @praetoravila <3

it's nowhere close to closing time

all over again

be my weekend lover (but don't be my friend)

can i have this dance?

lolive kissssss

you got me paralyzed

you know all my deep dish

this is such a STACKED LINE UP AUGH!! from the beginning with it's nowhere close to closing time... kogan... save me.... i love the first chapter introduction to both the characters and the setting. it's been so exciting theorizing how the story will play out from here and i can't wait to read more!! and of course... all over again with olive my beloved... i just can't get enough of logan and olive and their fucked up little relationship. jo's party chapter literally had me shitting my pants ngl and you already know im thinking of lolive on a daily basis. they're my roman empire i stg... the other three lolive on shots had me by the neck too - from the conversation with kendall 👀 to the quinceañera chapter to their KISS augh im too obsessed for my own good... and saylors introduction one shot!!! ahh!!!! you always have such interesting and well-rounded ocs i'm so jealous!!! i can't wait to learn more about saylor and their relationship with both kendall and lucy :)) macie's story too... she and katie are so adorable. i love the dynamic you've set up between the two of them as they both navigate hollywood!! obsessed as always. im up in your dms literally every single day gushing and i wouldn't have it any other way!!!!!!! <3

3. assorted works of @selangkir <3

mrs. knight one shot

girl time rush (anniversary reread🙏)

iconic work as ALWAYS!!!!!! i truly think your character interptetations of btr/side characters/ocs are so unique and bring such a fresh perspective to the story! the mrs. knight one shot, on top of being hilarious, began to expand on her pretty one dimensional characterization in such a short story and it blew me away. unmatched creativity!! lord knows she needed the j anyway if im being COMPLETELY honest. and i cannot believe gtr turned one year old this month what the fuck!! what the actual fuck!! i swear i've read all three chapters about a bazillion times. ty for being so accepting of roxy and using her as a vessel to tell your story too <3 i'd be lying if i said i wasn't so inspired by sabrina carpenter rn i already have another chapter draft of my own cooking in the google docs..... <33

4. assorted works of @inkameswetrust <3

the windowsill pt. 4

the windowsill pt. 5

oh LORD such incredible updates to this sweet story. these chapters always pack such a punch! i expect nothing less from kames fan #1... im obsessed with the continued relationship between katie and kendall in pt 4. btrtv lacks so heavy on their sibling-ness so i always love seeing it expanded on in fic! and JAMES AND KENDALL GOING OFFICIAL AOAJFOBOBGA i had knots in my stomach! you've also so clearly set up stakes and kendall's future fears it's so genuine and just real it hits so hard. pt 5 with brooke had me almost throwing my phone at the wall if im being honest. the way she spoke to kendall was bonechilling and i'm nervous yet excited for their future together <3 never stop kamesing the world needs it so so sos sooo bad !!!

5. assorted works of @naquey / @ithinkyouhealedmyheart

ghostwriter chapter 1

ghostwriter chapter 2

hi <3 welcome to the reading round up! i love your story sm i'm so grateful to be here for the very beginning of kenonnie and their sweet relationship. ronnie is such a cool character! there is so much depth and dimension to them and i love that every single chapter we learn something new about her!! from her relationship with addy and callie (who i also ADORE and can't wait to learn more about) to his struggles with his father's health... god... the amount of thought you put in is clear and i'm just astounded! the second chapter was also super cool too; i love how you took existing characters and tweaked their relationship so we could learn more about how you view the two of them. i'd never thought to write something with just kelly and rebecca - it's so inventive, just like the (spoliers lol) other chapters you've published since <3 tysm for sharing your writing with us, i'm so excited to see ronnie's journey progress!!!

[eilinelsghost]

2024 Fic Roundup

Thank you to @thelordofgifs for the tag!

Total Words Published at end of year: 85,785

Fandoms: only ever Silm so far

Most kudos: In Memory to Dwell (G, 5.5k, Finrod & Finarfin)

Most hits: In Memory to Dwell for this one too

Most comments: Darkly the Sundering Flood !! I'm so glad my dear darling made it on the list. I think this is my favorite thing I wrote this year. (T, 15.1k, Finrod & Beren, background Finrod/Bëor)

New Things I Tried: Thanks to @echo-bleu's incredibly gorgeous TRSB art, I tried exploring disability in a Middle-earth context and it was such a rewarding experience. I was so nervous going into that project and it has ended up being one of my favorite things I've worked on. (In Memory to Dwell)

Fic I Spent the Most Time On: This one is technically a 3-way tie, but I will go with These Echoes We Have Left because I'd also been working on portions of that one in the background for probably 6 months leading up to it, so I think it wins overall. Plus, it was my first time really writing a fight sequence (and wrangling with Orcs up close and personal) and I'm quite proud of it as a result. (T, 13.6k, Finrod/Bëor)

Fic I Spent the Least Time On: Another tie here between And Joined Them Thread By Thread (G, 474, Amarië/OC) that I wrote in a day because I had Ekphrasis Week fomo, and Then Love Like Dawn Awakens (T, 1.6k, Finrod/Bëor) that I also wrote in a day because this art by @nynevefromthelake gave me such brainworms all of a sudden 😂

Favorite Thing I Wrote: I referenced this already, but I think Darkly the Sundering Flood is the winner this year. It was the first time I really got to poke at the Nargothrond coup (and I ended up quite happy with the result) and also it let me really dig into the maturation of Finrod's views on Elf/mortal relationships and philosophy post-Athrabeth. It was one of those installments where I had been holding a lot of the strings for awhile and finally got to pull them all together here, which was so very rewarding.

Favorite Things I Read:

2024 was insanely busy and I had a lot less reading time than normal, so I know there are a ton of amazing fics I am missing here, but a few that I really enjoyed this year:

Across So Wide a Sea by @emyn-arnens (G, 33.1k, Galadriel & Finrod) I've only had a chance to read the first chapter so far because of a truly not ideal couple weeks over the holidays, but I am absolutely smitten by the prose and characterization here. Gorgeous writing, wonderful character building, and such a clever frame. I can't wait to catch up on the remainder!

Right-ho, Edrahil! by @actual-bill-potts (G, 4k, Finrod & Edrahil) A fic about Finrod and Edrahil and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins written in the style of Wodehouse? God I don't think I have laughed this hard at something all year. An absolute delight.

swan song by @thelordofgifs (G, 18.1k, Elwing, OCs, Finarfin/Eärwen) I had the privilege of beta reading this one and it swept me away from the get-go. The fairytale setting is gorgeous, the childhood POV works so well to draw out the themes, and the way each strand is woven so carefully together makes such an incredibly satisfying story.

Deeper Roots than Reason by @sallysavestheday (G, 5.5k, Amlach & Maedhros, etc) Once again, a piece that does an incredible job of weaving so many strands throughout the narrative. Gorgeous prose, rich and multi-faceted characterizations, and a story that echoes like a chord through every chapter. Stunning.

Tagging everyone above if this sounds fun!

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: An accident in the North Mountain forces Elsa to spend several weeks in her brother’s apartment under Anna’s care. During that time, Anna realises there is more to Elsa than meets the eye. The truth about Elsa’s past comes to light after an unexpected family reunion, and both girls’ lives begin to fall apart when they realise Elsa wasn’t the only one with a big secret and a turbulent past.

Anna/Kristoff - Elsa - Family - Family drama - hurt/comfort - Modern AU - Elsa & Kristoff are adoptive brother and sister - Ice bros - Found family - Serious injuries - Mental health issues - Health issues - Frohana

Links:

Fanfiction.net - HERE AO3 - HERE

Tumblr -

Chapters 1 to 10 - Here Chapters 11 to 20 - Here Chapters 21 to 30 - Here Chapters 31 to 40 - Here Chapter 41 to 50 - Here Chapter 51 - Here Chapter 52 - Here Chapter 53 - Here Chapter 54 - Here

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Pain on pain

A strange sense of trepidation set in Anna's chest the moment she walked into Elsa’s room. No matter how many times she had visited her unconscious sister in the ICU, getting to see her now was messing with her emotions in a completely different way.

Knowing Elsa was now fully conscious and facing a painful recovery only reminded Anna of her sister’s childhood. It was difficult to ignore how hard it was for her to endure yet another distressing rehabilitation. Despite the lack of detailed records regarding her medical history at Weselton’s clinic, or the full extent of his experiments, Nielsen and the medical team concluded that Elsa likely suffered from serious infections throughout her childhood—her weakened immune system providing a reasonable explanation for the severity of her condition.

The weight of these revelations pressed heavily on Anna, but she forced herself to focus. Shaking her head, she tried to get rid of the disturbing thoughts and turned to focus on the nurse’s voice, hoping her recommendations would bring some clarity on how best to help her sister.

The kind woman had patiently explained everything they needed to know about the medical equipment and the rules inside Elsa’s room. Anna had listened attentively, right up until they stepped inside, when her attention was drawn to Elsa. She glanced at Kristoff, hoping he had paid more attention than she had, but to her consternation, he stood frozen at the threshold, his eyes fixed on Elsa's sleeping form.

"Is there anything else you need to know?" The nurse looked at Anna, waiting for any questions, but all she could offer was a shy smile.

“I'm sorry,” she said in a low voice. “It's never easy to see her like this.”

With her eyes closed, Elsa appeared to be a long way from recovery. Though her skin no longer had the sickly grey undertone from the weeks before, the contrast with the dark circles under her eyes and the bruises on her arms was impossible to ignore. The sharpness of her cheekbones stood out, showing a prominent weight loss, and every faint rise and fall of her chest under the loose hospital gown made her look thinner—smaller— than she’d ever seen her.

“No worries,” answered the woman with a sympathetic smile.

“I've got to be honest,” Anna said, trying to justify her lack of attention. “I was counting on his mother to be here to explain all these things to us…” She gestured towards Kristoff, whose eyes were still fixed on his sister.

Having left the room just before they entered the ward, Gerda had taken the opportunity to meet with Nielsen and her husband. Moving Elsa to a regular ward meant she would be more exposed, more vulnerable. And while Anna understood the risks involved couldn't be ignored, she had been hoping for Gerda to be with them for a few minutes before her meeting.

“Make yourselves comfortable and let me know if there’s anything you need. I’ll be in the office at the far end of the ward, near the entrance.”

With a gentle pat on Kristoff’s arm, the nurse asked for permission to walk out of the room, and only then he seemed to come out of his trance. Anna encouraged him to sit on the chair by the bed while she closed the door to give them some privacy.

Anna took a moment to scan the new room. It was slightly bigger than the one in the ICU, offering more space to move comfortably. The room felt cozier, not as sterile as the one in the ICU. A relatively large window on the left let in a soft, cool breeze, and a small couch in the corner was a nice addition, providing enough room for Gerda or Kai to join them.

Before Anna’s eyes reached the bed, Elsa began to stir and her eyes fluttered open. They were distant, just like she remembered from the last time she had seen her. Even though they were no longer glassy from the fever, they were now dulled and cautious—tired in a way that went beyond just physical exhaustion. Elsa’s fingers twitched slightly and Kristoff wasted no time and wrapped his hand in hers. He remained quiet, though, afraid one wrong word might disturb his sister.

Anna, on the other hand, took a couple of steps closer to the bed and greeted Elsa, her voice wavering only a bit. "Hey," she said softly, "It's us."

Elsa’s gaze drifted between Anna and Kristoff, once, then twice. Eyes blinked heavily as they tried to make sense of their presence. "Anna," she whispered, her voice raspy but still carrying a hint of familiarity. "Kristoff. You’re here.”

"Hi, sis.” Kristoff answered, his grip tightening ever so slightly on her hand. “We are. And we’re not going anywhere.”

His words seemed to calm Elsa, easing her breathing and relieving the tension in her body. She shifted slightly, attempting to find a more comfortable position. Despite the sharp pain flickering across her face, neither of them moved, allowing her to adjust at her own pace. Both Nielsen and Gerda had emphasised the importance of not pushing Elsa too hard and giving her the time she needed to regain her mobility.

Not feeling comfortable watching her sister struggle with the simplest of movements, Anna focused her attention on the light green blanket that covered her feet and adjusted it slightly. At every wince, she felt her heart tighten painfully, barely standing the feeling of impotence for not being able to help her.

“Does it hurt too much?” she asked softly.

Once Elsa rested her back and adjusted her injured arm, she offered a weak smile. The one they knew she used when she was lying. “It’s fine.”

Kristoff exhaled sharply through his nose. “Fine? Elsa, you almost—”

“Do you know what happened?” Anna interrupted, not before sending Kristoff a warning glance. The last thing they needed was to overwhelm her so suddenly.

Elsa nodded. “Gerda told me what happened…” Pulling her hand from Kristoff’s grasp, she absentmindedly brushed her fingers over something under her gown, just above her chest. “So did Marshmallow.”

A brief flicker of pain crossed Kristoff’s eyes, but he pushed the feeling aside. “You shouldn’t have let it get this bad,” he said under his breath.

“I never thought it would get this bad,” Elsa murmured, her eyes focusing on her injured hand. “It didn’t—.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Kristoff shot back, sharper than he intended, making both Anna and Elsa flinch. “Your hand must’ve been throbbing with pain for days.”

The guilt on Elsa’s face was immediate, and she made an effort not to meet his gaze. “I didn’t want to be a burden,” she admitted, her voice so low Anna could barely hear her from where she was standing.

“That’s what scares me,” Kristoff said quietly, the anger draining into something much softer and sadder. “That after everything you’ve been through, you keep insisting on facing everything on your own.”

Anna placed a hand on Kristoff’s shoulder, giving him a silent plea to ease up. She could see Elsa shutting down, retreating ever so slightly into a guarded shell. “Kristoff,” she said gently, wanting to put a stop to it as soon as possible. “She’s here.”

Kristoff rubbed a hand over his face, nodding as he fought to keep his composure.

Elsa refused to meet their eyes but still muttered a faint, “I’m sorry.”

In a swift movement, Kristoff wrapped his arms around his sister, forgetting for a moment about all the recommendations given . “Sorry,” he said, his throat constricting. “I— I was so afraid.”

Anna settled on the edge of the bed, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth when she noticed Elsa wrapping an arm around her brother’s shoulders. Elsa’s hand was trembling slightly, but she managed to tighten her fist on his cotton jacket, pulling him closer.

"Afraid doesn’t quite describe it,” Anna admitted as she caressed Elsa’s leg over the blanket.

She tried not to grimace at how thin her sister’s shin felt to the touch, and once again Anna’s chest tightened, concern about Elsa’s recovery washing over her. “Do you feel okay? I mean, I know ‘okay’ is a long way off, but… how are you feeling?"

Elsa let go of her brother and Kristoff understood it was best not to hold on too long and give her some space. Elsa’s lips pressed together in thought as she tried to come up with the right words.

“I don’t know,” she finally said. “I’m tired, and it still hurts to move. But beyond that... It's like everything is muted.”

Anna’s brows knitted together in worry. “Muted?”

She tugged at her bandages, lost in thought for a long moment. “Like I’m not quite here.”

“Your body’s been through a lot. It’s normal for things to feel strange for a while.” Unsure of what else to say, she squeezed her sister’s knee reassuringly.

There was a long silence where Elsa kept toying around with the bandages, too absorbed into her own thoughts to notice the worried glances between the couple.

Kristoff cleared his throat, drawing her sister back to the present. “Is there anything you need? To make things easier, I mean.”

Her gaze met his, wavering with uncertainty. “I'd like to go home.”

Kristoff sat back with a sigh, as if he had known the request was coming. “Elsa, you’re still healing…”

“It’ll be a while until you can leave the hospital, Elsa. I’m sorry.” Anna explained, helping Kristoff deliver the bad news. “Is there anything else?”

Leaning back against the pillow, Elsa looked out the window, her eyes fixed on the clouds washed with the copper sunlight of the evening. “Can you stay then?”

Anna smiled softly. “Of course.”

---

The breeze from the window grew colder as daylight faded. Night came faster than Anna expected; and even though Elsa had spent most of the time drifting in and out of light sleep, Anna couldn’t bear the thought of the visiting hours to be over.

She was grateful Marshall was running late that evening. He hadn’t shown up at eight like he usually did, and Anna suspected he was in the same meeting Kristoff had been called to half an hour before.

There were moments when she felt like she should be part of those meetings. Sometimes she wanted—needed—to know what the rest of the family was agreeing to do with Elsa’s recovery and her safety. But then on times like this, she was relieved she wasn’t needed every minute, like Gerda, Kai, or even Kristoff.

Sitting by her sister’s side felt like the only right place to be, even when they weren’t saying much, and Elsa seemed distant. The more time Anna spent with her sister, the more she realized how much she had missed her during those weeks. Being there with her, keeping her company, was enough.

Some minutes went by in silence until the door creaked open softly and Marshall walked into the room. He was still wearing the same pale cable-knit jumper he had been wearing ever since the nights grew colder, and Anna couldn’t help wondering if he’d gone back to his place at all since Elsa had fallen ill. He paused just beyond the threshold, his usually stoic face softening the moment he noticed Elsa on the bed, still awake.

“Els,” he greeted, his voice carrying a carefree undertone Anna hadn’t heard from him in weeks. “I’m glad to see you have company.”

He smiled and offered Anna a brief nod before closing the door and making his way to the other side of the bed.

“I’m sorry for being late today,” he said as he carefully sat on the edge of the bed. Absent-mindedly tucking a strand of Elsa’s hair behind her ear, he continued asking her about her day and the way she felt.

The motion was effortless, like something he had done a hundred times before and it caught Anna off guard. What surprised her the most was seeing Elsa barely react to the gesture. Her sister seemed unbothered, completely at ease with his touch, and Anna’s early worries washed away for a brief moment. Perhaps Elsa wasn’t completely withdrawn and closed off as she had feared.

Anna felt a pang of jealousy for a short moment. She hadn’t mentioned her injured hand itching, nor the bandages being uncomfortably tight around her hand during the afternoon. The same way she hadn’t admitted feeling nauseous either. However, she quickly pushed it aside, feeling good that Elsa was willingly opening up—if only slightly—and sharing a bit more of the way she felt.

She knew it was a matter of time until things went back to the way they were before. It would take Elsa a while, but she was certain she’d start opening up to her as well. She couldn't ignore Marshall had been a constant presence in Elsa’s life for the last few weeks after all. He had probably seen her at her worst already. Admitting feeling nauseous now was probably just a small part of everything he had witnessed.

Once their conversation was over, Anna asked Marshall about her sister’s recovery and the things she had to keep an eye on. He had only begun to answer her question when the door opened wide. A woman in her early fifties with a round, motherly figure, bustled into, surprising the three of them.

“No sitting on the bed.” Her voice filled every corner of the room, forcing Marshall to his feet in an instant.

Her warm, expressive eyes gave her an air of familiarity. While her posture and demeanour, on the other hand, gave her an air of authority. Of someone who had spent years mastering the chaos inside the wards and was best not to challenge.

Realization didn’t take long to wash over Marshall when he turned around. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off before he could say a word.

“If it ain't Marshy himself,” she said loudly, wasting no time in trying to embarrass him. “I didn't believe Frida when she told me the man looking after this young lady was you.”

“Ingrid?” he asked, taken aback by her presence.

“So you do remember me,” she said, closing the door. “I didn't expect you to visit us at the hospital after everything that happened, but you could've called, don’t you think?” Turning to Anna she smiled mischievously before she continued. “I know spending time with beautiful young girls is more appealing, but it wouldn’t hurt to invite an old lady out for a coffee sometime.”

He rolled his eyes and tried to ignore her comments, but Anna could see a faint flush creeping up his neck. Going straight to what concerned him, he asked, “What are you doing here?” 

“What do you think?” she asked with a snicker. Turning to Anna once again, she looked as if she was looking for confirmation. “Not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is he?”

This time Anna couldn’t suppress her laugh and she looked down as not to laugh in Marshall’s face.

“I meant in this room.”

Anna could hear the annoyance in his voice, though he remained calm as if the woman’s remarks were nothing new. Ingrid ignored his question and walked to a small table, placed a few items on it, and only then turned to Marshall. She stood in front of him and raised an arm to reach his face. “Look at you. The mountain has been rough on your skin. And you keep that filthy beard. Such a handsome boy you were once.” She then patted his face with a familiarity that surprised Anna and moved to the side to continue with her tasks.

“Ingrid,” Marshall repeated her name, begging for her to answer his question.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking what you're doing here?” She smirked. “Though I think I already know the answer.” She glanced at Elsa and then sent a wink to Anna.

“I… It’s not—” He stuttered, struggling to hide his embarrassment. “Could you answer the question?

“This is my ward. You better get used to seeing me around here,” she finally said firmly. Moving to the foot of the bed she picked up the clipboard and took notes on a small notepad. She then got closer to Elsa and shooed Marshall away from the bed. “Move. Let me do my job.”

Her expression softened when her eyes met Elsa’s. “There's no need for you to be so tense, dear. I’ll be out of here in a blink.”

Anna smiled, relieved to see Ingrid do her job with a gentleness she hadn’t shown before. She asked Elsa a few questions, checked her blood pressure, oxygen levels and temperature. She then tried moving Elsa’s left hand to inspect the wound, but Elsa pulled her hand away from the nurse.

“Let me help you,” Marshall said without hesitation, taking her place and asking Elsa to let them see her hand. He carefully unwrapped the bandages and allowed Ingrid to assess the wound.

“She mentioned the bandages were too tight.” Anna mentioned. Elsa hadn’t complained about them to her in particular, but she felt it was worth letting the nurse know.

Curiosity got the best of Anna, and she stood up to take a closer look at Elsa’s injured hand. Two jagged scars were visible. A long one ran along the palm, extending into her forearm where the doctors had worked to repair the tissue. The other, smaller, cut diagonally across her palm, from her thumb toward her little finger. The skin around the wound was red and slightly swollen, as if her body was still fighting the last remnants of the infection. There were still a few faint patches of bruising along the edges, slowly fading.

Elsa’s fingers moved stiffly, reluctant to bend too far, but only a small tremor of discomfort betrayed her surprisingly calm exterior. Once Marshall had taken the nurse’s place, cradling her hand gently, her reluctance disappeared. Though she nearly glanced at her wound before she turned her gaze elsewhere. Her expression was distant as if she had become reluctantly accustomed to the intrusive visits and her body’s limitations. Yet, Anna could see a deep dejection in her eyes. Something that, despite everything Elsa had lived through, hadn’t been there before. It made her fear that what they mistook for calmness was, in fact, a resignation too heavy to bear.

With a heavy heart, Anna sat back down and silently hoped for the nurse to finish her round soon. All she wanted was Elsa to be left alone for the night. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry with the medical staff for doing their job, but her heart ached for her sister regardless.

Before leaving, Ingrid made another sarcastic remark about Marshall’s diligent work and left them on their own. The three of them remained quiet for a long time, after that. Each preoccupied with their own concerns: Marshall remained by the door, resting his back on a wall with his arms crossed. Anna stayed where she was, sitting by Elsa’s bed, quietly allowing the early uneasiness to take over while she looked at Elsa, who remained in her own world.

A moment later, Frida, the nurse who had accompanied Elsa from the very beginning, stopped by. She greeted them with a smile and administered Elsa the last dose of medicine for the day. She reminded Anna visit hours were over at ten and made sure to check if Marshall was the one staying for the night. When he nodded, she wrote it down and she told him he’d be able to find her in the small office near the entrance.

Anna thought it was odd for more than one nurse to show up in such a short time span, but she didn’t question it. Instead she made sure to keep Elsa company, talking about the simplest things she could come up with until the medicine ran its course and she began to drift off to sleep.

It didn’t take long for Elsa to fall asleep, and only then Anna dared ask Marshall about the nurse who had single-handedly made a fool out of him.

“Ingrid seems lively,” she said, hoping the mountaineer would share a bit of his life with her.

“She shouldn’t be here,” he said, still absorbed in his thoughts. 

He rummaged through his jeans pockets until he found a ragged piece of paper and sat down on the small couch with a tired sigh.

Anna made sure Elsa was fast asleep before she got closer. “What?”

“She isn’t on this list.” He handed the folded paper to Anna. “Nielsen never mentioned her name either.”

“What do you mean?” Anna paid a quick look at the short list of names written on the paper. Four nurses and two doctors. Six people in total and none of them was Ingrid. “I thought you knew her.”

“I do. We used to work together.” he said, taking the list off her hand and folding it once again. “It doesn’t change the fact she shouldn’t be here.”

Looking over her shoulder, Anna made sure Elsa hadn’t woken up. She sat down next to Marshall and asked in a low voice. “You don’t trust her?”

“It’s not that…” He looked at the closed door, his brows knitting together. “She’s a dedicated nurse. She instructed me and guided me when I was just starting as a paramedic.”

“Could it be that Nielsen trusts that Elsa's powers won’t act up?” She whispered. “Perhaps these people know about her powers.” She pointed at the folded piece of paper. “While the rest of the staff will simply continue their work as if she was just another patient.”

“I don’t know.” He breathed out tiredly, no remnants of his originally calm demeanour left. “I’ll have to ask Nielsen about it.”

Anna’s gaze dropped to the floor, her fingers tightening around the fabric of her sleeves. The unfairness of it all consumed her suddenly. The uncertainty about Elsa’s safety piled up with the concerns about her health and the way she dealt with recovery. It all felt like too much to hold and she could barely hold back the tears welling in her eyes.

The door creaked open for the third time in the last hour, and this time Gerda stepped into the room. Anna quickly blinked the tears away but allowed Marshall to answer whatever questions her mother-in-law had. They were mostly health related and she didn’t suspect the way she was feeling.

To Anna’s surprise, Marshall made sure not to mention Ingrid nor his concerns, and instead talked to Gerda calmly as if things were running its course smoothly. It was clear he was trying to reassure Gerda she could go home to rest.

With a smile she thanked them both and walked to Elsa’s bed. Placing a hand on her forehead, she brushed a few stray strands of hair before she leaned down to kiss her sleeping daughter goodbye. She quietly promised to return in the morning and then made her way towards the door. Only then, she turned to Anna.

“It’s almost ten, dear. You can come back with us in the morning if you’d like.”

Anna nodded. She picked her jacket and sent her sister one last look before she left the room in silence.

---

Taking up Gerda’s offer, Anna returned to the hospital the following morning. Most of the morning, she stayed with her mother-in-law keeping Elsa company. Once again, Elsa drifted in and out of sleep, barely present, and Anna didn’t need a medical degree to see that the drugs kept her sister trapped in constant lethargy—yet she never looked truly rested.

Anna then left the hospital at midday and ran errands for Gerda during the early afternoon in an attempt to ease the woman’s load. Day by day, Anna noticed that despite Elsa's slow recovery, Gerda seemed more tired, and she worried that the pressure would finally break her before Elsa was released from the hospital.

When she returned to the hospital, she was surprised to hear an unusual voice coming from her sister’s room.

“Take it slow, Elsa. Just one step at a time.”

It called her attention, and so she stopped on her tracks right outside the door. She shifted the bag in her arm and slowly pushed the door open. She tilted her head and discreetly scanned the room. Gerda was standing by the bed keeping a steadying hand on Elsa’s back as she made an effort to stand on her own.

At first, Anna could barely contain her happiness at seeing Elsa standing on her own after so long. Though the initial excitement slowly faded when Anna noticed the tension in Elsa’s body and the stiffness of her posture. She was barely upright, gripping the rail of the hospital bed for support, her knuckles white with effort as she tried in vain to stop her legs from trembling.

A rehabilitation doctor stood close to the bed, but far enough to give Elsa space to take a few tentative steps. He encouraged her to try moving her feet, and despite the pain written all over her face, she still obeyed. She slid a foot forward, in a weak unsteady step, and then the other. A sharp breath caught in her throat at the motion, but she refused to stop.

From where she was standing, Anna could see Elsa’s legs shaking and her balance slipping, but before she could fall, Gerda reacted instinctively and caught her daughter in her arms.

Elsa collapsed against her, breathing heavily. For a moment, it seemed like she might pull away as soon as she regained her footing. But something shifted. Before Gerda could ask if she was okay, Elsa wrapped her arms around her, gripping her mother’s shirt like a lifeline.

Gerda’s eyes widened for a split second before softening. She held her daughter close, stroking her back in slow, soothing circles. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re doing so well.”

From the doorway, Anna watched as her sister clung to her adoptive mother like never before. She swallowed hard, a vise tightening around her chest when she heard a muffled sob escape Elsa as she buried her face in her mother’s shoulder. Gerda held her tighter, whispering something too soft for Anna to hear.

After a minute, Elsa’s breathing steadied and slowly, hesitantly, she pulled back from Gerda’s embrace. Anna expected her to step away and retreat, as she so often did, but instead she adjusted her grip, her good hand holding onto Gerda’s forearm for support.

Gerda held her breath for just a second, but otherwise remained unaffected as she brushed the damp hair from Elsa’s forehead. “It’s going to be fine,” she murmured, a reassurance meant for them both.

Elsa lowered her gaze, letting go of Gerda’s arm as she nodded.

“That’s enough for today, Elsa.” The doctor spoke softly. “I agree with your mother, you did well.”

Elsa didn’t react at first, her eyes still focused on the floor between them, but as soon as the doctor called her name again, she blinked and shifted her weight slightly. Gerda reached for her, but Elsa had already started moving towards the bed.

Anna knew she was trying not to show it, but the pain still controlled every movement.

Gerda stepped forward, her arm outstretched. “Here, let me—”

“I’ve got it,” Elsa murmured, though there was no strength behind the words.

---

The moment Elsa’s legs gave out, warmth enveloped her. She hadn’t meant to collapse into Gerda, but her body refused to pull away. As soon as she felt the comfort of her arms, the familiar safety they provided, she realised how much she had missed her.

A lump formed in her throat and before she could stop herself, tears slipped down her face, burning hot against her cold skin.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Gerda whispered, her steady hands keeping her from crumbling. “You’re doing so well.”

Elsa squeezed her eyes shut as a sob escaped her. She wanted to believe Gerda, but her legs hurt, her ribs protested with each breath, and her stomach churned as the dizziness from the medication pressed into her mind. She could feel the weight of the exhaustion pulling at her limbs and she felt helpless.

Kristoff and Anna’s voices, telling her she couldn’t go home, echoed in her mind, and only now did she understand what they meant. She couldn’t go home. Not like this. And she was too tired to pretend otherwise.

Slowly, she loosened her grip and forced herself to steady herself. As she pulled back, her hand brushed against something under Gerda’s shirt. Elsa’s fingers hovered over it for a fraction of a second as her gaze flickered to Gerda’s forearm. And though her mother didn’t react, something in Elsa’s gut twisted.

She didn’t want to ask, as she wasn’t sure she could handle the answer. And so instead, she swallowed hard before she let go.

The doctor’s words barely registered at first. Her mind still caught on her spiralling thoughts. And by the time the man called her name again, she was already moving away from Gerda. The warmth of the embrace faded too quickly, and it made the hollow feeling inside almost unbearable. With a heavy sigh, she turned towards the bed.

She clenched her jaw, knowing it would take a lot of effort but she couldn’t risk it. Gerda moved beside her, ready to catch her again, but Elsa pushed herself forwards. “I’ve got it.” She said through gritted teeth, hoping it would convince her mother.

Each step sent a jolt of pain through her legs and lower back, and by the time she reached the bed, her throat felt tight and the burn in her eyes was almost unbearable. She lowered herself onto the mattress, trying to keep her movements controlled, but the moment she let go, her legs gave out completely.

Gerda’s hands supported her, and Elsa’s body tensed, resisting the touch. “Are you okay?” she asked, sensing her discomfort.

Elsa nodded. “I’m okay.”

Unsure of what else to do, Gerda helped her onto the bed, adjusting the pillows behind her. Her hand lingered near Elsa’s for a moment before she gave up and turned to the doctor.

They discussed things Elsa didn’t fully understand and she couldn’t help but wonder if it would make a difference if she did.

---

I’ve got to be honest and say I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going when I started writing this chapter. I originally planned for it to be one of those “transition” chapters, but as I tried to write it, all the ideas felt dull. That’s when I allowed myself to write whatever I wanted to read and this happened.

Elsa finding out was not supposed to happen. For the longest time I planned to simply let it slip. But here she is, barely standing and putting up a fight against me. Also, Ingrid wasn’t supposed to drag Marshal through the mud the way she did, but she wouldn’t stop. So I let her. I hope you like the chapter. Let me know what you think of it!

Also, two chapters in February, look at that. Blessed be the rain that forces me to stay inside and gives me inspiration.

-

Tag time:

@swimmingnewsie @melody-fox @kristoffxannafanatic @kristannafictionals @neptrabbit  @skneez @ellacarter13 @wondering-in-life @who-i-am-8 @fanfictionrecommendations-com  @815-allisnotlost @khartxo @joannevixxon @betweenthedreams @burbobah @rileysfs  @earlvessalius  @blood-jewel @snowycrocus @the-sky-is-awake @disneyfan103 @anamaria8garcia @welovefrozenfanfiction  @bigfrozenfan @bigfrozenfan-archive @frozenartscapes  @deisymendoza  @zackhaikal123  @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @showurselfelsa @when-dawn-arrives @tare-disney  @wabitham @just-your-local-history-nerd @dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @luna-and-mars  @shimmeringsunsets @aries1708  @wabitham @agentphilindaisy @spkfrozenkindikids123 @jimmi-arts @snowmanmelting @loonysama  @hiptoff @loonysama @tare-disney @frozenwolftemplar  @true–north @holycolordreamertree @bigfrozensix

As usual, let me know if I need to stop tagging you. Take care!

[onlyhereforghosttrick]

A painting- or at least, a photo of one.

There's a letter attached.

Dear Makoto,

How are you?

I'm sorry you had to miss out this year.

We got a Smeargle to take a little sketch of us to send to you instead, hope this makes you feel better.

He said that it'd be better if we were all fully in frame next time, but I don't know what he meant by that... We're all there, aren't we? Regardless, though.

I do hope Aigiel's getting better... I know you haven't gotten an update in a while, but I'm sure she's fine- the girl's taken a fair few falls, and gotten up anyways.

For new additions to the group this year, though...

Ephim finally convinced Minato to tag along. (I don't know what they're doing in the photo either, but I think some part of him was enjoying it too.)

A new pair- Safira and Higashi, bottom left of it. I gave talking to them a try, and they seemed familiar somehow nice. Apparently they helped stop the natural disasters of the air continent.

There's also Feysara, the Eevee girl- that's her talking to Auren on the right. She's polite, if a bit quiet at times. I have a feeling you'll like her.

Well, hope you're doing alright, partner.

Happy New Year. I'm glad we made it this far.

With love,

Minami

Well. Happy New Year!

This post has been set to go up at sometime in the afternoon/evening of the 31st, meaning this is some of this year's last hours.

So, I'd like to thank you while I still have time.

Thank you all for everything you've done for me, for being so friendly, for caring as much as you have- I don't think I'd be here without all of you.

Now, for some more fun stuff- I don't have refs or anything but I can at least give a lowdown on the picture.

Chronoconvergence is my current idea for a collective name for my PMD stuff, likely to be replaced once I think of something better, but it stands for now. ...I am still too lazy to update tags though.

As said in the letter, Ephim the Lucario is doing ...whatever that is with Minato (Bulbasaur) on the left, with Safira (Skitty) and Higashi (Wooper) talking with Minami (Grovyle, yes, The Grovyle PMD2) right below.

Taking center stage are Everus (Fraxure) and Spark (Ninetales), my Gates team, with Ephris (Mew) hovering close by alongside Serri (Celebi, again, yes, The Celebi PMD2). also nearby is Feysara standing far off to the right

Lastly, is one that might require a bit of explanation- Auren (Dusknoir, you know the drill) talking with... Feysara, the Eevee mentioned in the letter. Just one small problem. Feysara is someone else's name.

Well, Feys (as I've effectively renamed her) is the protagonist of the fic I've been trying to write for a while now called An Empty Reflection which is also meant to serve as the opening act to a grander story called New Future's Dawn. Her story is yet to be told, but I hope to do so soon!

I want to promise when my next big thing or whatever will be but really, I'm probably gonna end up liveblogging Vivid/Stasis Chapter 5 for a bit so I might be occupied with that. As this goes up, I'm probably just finishing up what is effectively meant to be me re-familiarizing myself with the game as a whole.

But just know that writing is not abandoned, and art is not abandoned, both just planned to be pushed to the side as I write this. I'm probably at least thinking of writing by the time you're reading this, so not all hope is lost.

And as a last note... This combination of characters being alive and such is not canon, even if we all (or at least I) wished otherwise. Well, Happy New Year. It's been a hell of a ride so far and I can only hope it gets better from here.

[crustless-toast]

Screaming Your Name

Here is Chapter 1 to Screaming Your Name! An Oc x Daryl Dixon story! I'm gonna really try to not make the story too cringy and if I am please let me know so I can fix it lol. I hope you enjoy it either way!

I'm a little new to posting on Tumblr so I hope to be able to link all the chapter together properly as I post them. Until then, Enjoy!!

Raven was like any normal person. She worked a boring retail job that paid close to nothing. Just to go home to an empty house, pay bills, eat and sleep. Nothing exciting really happened in her life. She was just different than the average person. She enjoyed the little things. She was more of a glass half full kind of gal. Always enjoying the little things in the world. Unfortunately, the world came to an end. She wasn’t the athletic type but when monsters are chasing you down to eat you alive the only thing you can do is run. Running is what led her to her new life with people she never thought would enter it. She found friends, family, and love. She learned to fight, to face her fears, and to keep pushing forward even through the dark times. Out of everything all she wanted was to get one man to open up to her more. To show him the good that was left in the world. For Daryl Dixon to see there is still hope in the world. That life is still good. 

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Gripping my blanket closer to my body, I shiver as cold sweats soak my body. I don’t know how much more I can handle this. My cold that I've had from the start of this, has turned into something much worse.

 What medicine I did have is gone. Finding medicine is close to impossible nowadays. A few Advil here and there, as well as a bag of cough drops can only get you so far. Everywhere I’ve looked has already been picked through. The more populated areas are hard to look through. Too many of the dead filling those areas. I can't look through them on my own. It’s close to impossible. 

The summer heat had no effect on my cold body. The warmth just feels like the blanket. The slight breeze just makes me shiver more. If it was a normal day in the old world, people would think I was insane having a thick blanket wrapped around me with the sun beating down on me. But in the old world I’d have medicine and I'd be fine in a few days.

The sound of the dead was behind me and there was nowhere to go. No place to hide. I looked around to maybe find something, but there was only an empty road surrounded by woods. I grip my knife, deciding my only option was the woods. 

My legs were getting so heavy. I was having a hard time staying ahead of them. I needed to keep moving but I had to stop. My throat was burning from the sickness and the heat. I need to stop and to drink some of my water. Quickly getting back up. The sun was starting to set and it was getting too dark to see. 

I was getting too tired to keep going. My eyes feeling like someone is pushing them closed. I drop my bag, dropping to my knees but I kept a tight grip on my knife. Taking deep breaths that end with me coughing. I covered my mouth with my blanket, needing to keep quiet incase any of the dead were near. 

I jump at the snap of a twig not that far from behind me. Looking around, seeing if there was anything up ahead. I didn’t see much, but there was something ahead of me. It was hard to tell what it was exactly. But what light was left I could see something reflecting. Like a window.

Grabbing my bag, I moved ahead, dragging my bag next to me. Not having the strength to pick it up. As I got closer, I could see it was a cabin of some kind right in the center of an open field. Abandoned before the world ended. 

Growling was behind me. Staying here was my only option. 

Throwing my bag on my shoulder, almost making me fall. I raised my knife and slowly made my way to the cabin. I head up to the steps of the porch, listening closly to see if I could hear anything. So far nothing. 

I closed the door behind me, locking it with its old rusty padlock and placed a chair in front of it that was close by. Moving forward once my eyes were adjusted to the darkness. There was another door in front of me that led to the other side of the cabin. I drop my bag, heading to the door to close it as well as put a chair in front of it. In case something comes in I could hear it first.

To my left looked to be some kind of dining room with a table flipped over and chairs thrown all over. As well as the kitchen that appeared to be cleared out with every cabinet opened wide.. To my right I think it was a living room. It was empty with only a couch that looked so comfortable. The livingroom appeared to have a small hall that lead to other rooms. Each was empty with nothing in them but some old furniture that was rusted and destroyed. 

Grabbing my bag I made my way to the couch. My body relaxed as I sunk into it. Not caring about the dust. Exhausted from having to run all day. 

Reaching in my bag I grabbed my water, but it was empty. Just my luck. I didn’t realize I drank it all already. 

My body was so cold. I could see the bottle shaking in my hands. I dropped it, not caring where it went. Gripping my blanket even tighter around me as I lay down, my knife still in my hand. Finally being able to rest my head on something that wasn’t a hard floor. I don’t care that I can feel the springs in the cushions. I was so tired and sick. I couldn’t keep my eyes open any more. No matter how hard I fought it. I needed rest so I let myself sleep.

~~~~~~~

A loud bang woke me from my sleep, but I couldn't move. My body was so heavy. I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to see if it was one of the dead or not. I was still shaking to the point where it hurt even more. My bones are sore from, well, everything. My knife was no longer in my hand. I must have dropped it in my sleep.

I could hear footsteps getting closer to me. I opened my eyes just enough to see the sun was up, shining through the windows. A figure walked into the door frame. I can barely make out a man holding something. It was pointed at me. 

“You bit?!” The voice was stern, southern and loud. 

I close my eyes, not able to keep them opened any longer. “N-no. Sick.” 

“Sick, how?” 

My lips quiver as I try to speak, “Fr-from a cold. I-i had fr-from the begin-beginning.” 

“Is it just you?” He was demanding an answer. 

I nod, too tired to answer. 

I felt a hand being placed on my forehead. His fingers were cold and rough. 

“Ya burin up.” 

I grip my blanket closer, “So-so cold.” 

I hear things moving around. I couldn't tell if he was taking my stuff or looking around the place. I didn’t care either way. 

“My camp has a Doctor. ‘M take ya to him,” Before I could answer him, I could feel his arms snaking under me. He grabs my arm and places it over his shoulder. Picking me up from the couch. With my blanket still gripped in my hands, I wrapped my arms tighter around him. Scared to fall. 

“Gonna make me hot,” He says in my ears.

He started to walk. I opened my eyes enough to see who this man was. His face was a little dirty, with some facial hair around his mouth. His hair was short and filled with sweat. His eyes were sharp, looking at everything around him.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. 

He looked down at me for a second, and his eyes were a sharp blue that when the sun was shining just right, it made them shine a beautiful sky blue. 

My eyelids were getting heavy again so I closed them and fell asleep to the sound of his breathing and the morning birds chirping.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Is that Sophia?!” A women screams, waking me up just enough to hear whats going on around me.

“Nah, just some girl I found. She sick.” I hear from above me. The man that was caring me.  

“Bit?” Another man spoke.

“Said it’s some cold.” He held onto me tight as he got closer to the people

“Bring her inside. I’ll take a look at her.” 

I was still too tired to speak. I fell back into my deep sleep. To a place that was safe.