#me: I'm burning these fucking faggots into ash wanna join

[gonzodangerfeels]

Oh by the way you're whispering in a deaf girl's ear.

[dadddybangtan]

Metanoia | ch. three

content warning: mentions of drinking, doing hard drvgs

word count: 2k

a.n. i forgot i was uploading this to tumblr.. my bad

Back Table of Contents Next

When we get home, Taehyung goes straight to our room and lays down. I follow him. The weight of the bed dips slightly when I join him. I pull him onto my chest and feel him shiver and shake. He mumbles inaudible things to himself.

"Ji-Jimin?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"You wanna get high?" He asks desperately.

"No, Tae." I say as softly as I can. He asked last night. And frankly, I can't let him get high that often.

"You wanna stick it?" His voice is a weak whimper at this point.

"No, baby. No, not tonight," I say, "Talk to me."

"I can't." He says into my chest, tiny cries beginning to come out.

"Please try."

He's never been good at talking about his feelings or experiences. Especially when sober. Hell, he only told me that he loved me when he was half way down a Jack Daniels. It doesn't bother me though. I know that he was trained to take life as it comes and shut the fuck up about it. I don't blame him and I never will.

So I take a cigarette from my jacket pocket and light it. I give it to him and he reluctantly takes it, taking a big inhale that finally steadies his breath. I reach up to the windowsill and grab the ashtray and hold it in my lap for him when he needs it.

"There was only one girl who was interested in going home. She didn't drink though."

"Who goes to the club and doesn't drink?"

"She said she wanted to have some fun," He inhales again, burning a centimeter off the smoke, "With me."

My body tenses up. I rest my free hand on his head, I brace ourselves for the next part of the story.

"She turned on some music and started dancing with me. I was confused since we were dancing just fine at the club. She got really close and started saying something weird..."

"What did she say?" 

"'I can spot a junkie from a mile away. You boys are my favorite.'" He took another hit off the cigarette as if it were an inhaler, "She asked me when I last did cocaine and I told her that it's been years. She offered some to me."

"Tae-."

"I almost did it. Sh-she held the bag in front of me like some sort of prize. Then she said she'd only let me do it if I fuck her."

I consider driving back to her house just to fucking kill her. What the fuck is wrong with her, using a persons addiction to gain sexual favors? It's disgusting. And I can't imagine what'd been going on in Taehyung's head, taking into account his own history with selling his body and getting hooked on drugs. I'm not even upset that he considered doing cocaine again. I'm more livid at the fact he was almost bribed into having sex with that woman.

"She was teasing me, saying that other druggies take the offer so easily. She asked if I was some sort of a faggot. She kept hitting me and calling me a pussy. So I left- empty handed."

There's a light tremor making it's way through his body. It's only light because I'm holding him and he's holding a cigarette. And I see his beautiful fingers holding onto that shit for dear life. And its all my fault.

All this shit was supposed to stop when he met me. He was harassed because of my selfishness.

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

"No, I'm sorry... I fucked up and we're gonna be broke this week." He shook so hard ash fell onto the bed sheets, "I'm such a fuck up." 

"Listen to me, baby, you're not a fuck up" I set him up next to me, his head too heavy to stay straight on his neck right now, "That woman is a creep who tried to take advantage of you. You didn't do anything wrong, do you understand?"

"Y-you're disappointed in me, you're upset I can tell."

"Tae, I'm not mad at you."

"But you could be... I'm s-sorry."

It sickens me to hear him blame himself. He blamed himself for the underaged prostitution forced upon him by his own parents. His mind is so distorted that he doesn't know if he's a victim or not. He's a victim to his parents, to that crazy bitch and to life itself. Now, because I forced him into this situation, he's victim to me.

"I'm gonna get us out of here, okay? We're gonna live in a nice place where we don't have to steal. I can go to work, you can go to school. We're gonna be happy. In Seoul, just like we planned. Okay?"

He looks at me with low, tired eyes.

"Do you believe me?"

"No," His slow blinks make me shiver, "I'm a junky whore, Jimin. I'm not gonna be h-happy in Seoul. I'm gonna fail."

"Don't say that, Tae. That's not what you are," He nods as tears form, "No, it's not, okay. Listen. I got a new job. It starts tomorrow, I'm only gonna be gone a little while. And when I come back, it'll just be us, okay? I promise."

"N-new job?"

"It's a gig in Daegu."

"Far."

"It's only for a little while.” I repeat.

"Can’t I come?"

I press my lips together.

"I don't know, love."

"Don't leave, minnie."

He doesn't call me that nickname too often. Only when he's really, really vulnerable. I look at the clock on my phone, think about how I'd have to leave him in seven hours if I'm going to keep my promise.

The morning air is crisp, it cuts through me like a chill blade. Taehyung clings next to me as we make our way down the steps. The man from last night stands against his car. He wears a hoodie and jeans, casual enough to not get violently mugged by our neighbors. He has a friend with him, dressed in similar attire, the only difference is a pair of shades.

"Ah, Jimin, good to see that you agreed." The man said.

"Whatever, let's just get this over with." I say, pushing him to the side to get to the backseat.

"Hm. Don't you wanna say goodbye to the druggie first?"

I look at the man and I want to strangle him. But I look back at Taehyung, who's eyes have been crying all night and hand has been scratching all over. He looks so, so low.

"We already said our goodbyes." It's true. We hugged it out in the corridor behind the door.

"Just wait a minute, Jimin." He said, dragging me away from the car and gesturing Taehyung to us. "You should know your benefits first. And I should formally introduce myself now that you're apart of the team."

Team, I've never been part of a team. Just a partnership that's ninety percent solo.

"Okay?"

"I'm Jin, and this is Hobi. We're trusted companions to the Busan Prince himself, JK," He starts. Hobi removes his sunglasses and shakes mine and Taehyung's hand, "Hobi is assigned to stay here and look after your home and Taehyung while you're away."

"You got me a babysitter?" Tae grumbles in my ear, his embarrassment apparent. I don't answer, I just listen.

"Jimin, you and I will be partners for this job. I'll give you everything you need to complete it," He says, nodding effectively, "Are you ready?"

"I just need one thing first," I say assertively, "Hobi, asshole name by the way, I'm trusting you to take care of this place. It's not much, but it's ours. And Taehyung, remember, it's only for a little while. Also, Hobi, don't light that fucking candle."

"I love you, minnie." Taehyung mutters.

"I'll be home soon."

I give Taehyung one last hug then follow Jin to his car. I slide into the passengers seat and Jin gets in after me. The interior has black leather seats with gold accents. Not the fake plastic gold, but the kind that makes the sun hide. It's gorgeous. And the windows are so darkly tented I don't think anyone can see inside.

"That was an interesting choice of words back there," Jin chuckled as he revved up the engine, it was much quieter than I expected. It's a whisper in comparison to the roar that is Tae and I's car, "First you lie straight to his face. Then you don't even tell him you love him."

He has a point there, I didn't tell him that I loved him. What happened last night was my fault and if I truly loved him, it would've never happened. I'll say it to him again, when I make this right. When I kill that man and make enough money that we'll never have to think about this lifestyle again.

"But I didn't lie."

"'It's only for a little while,'" He mocks my higher pitched voice, "What? You think you're gonna walk straight into his condo in the clouds, load the gun and shoot him?"

He laughs, but I don't take offense to it. I'm distracted by his goofy laugh. It's a giggle that belongs to a party clown, not the vice to an infamous drug lord. He starts the car and the ride is smooth. I can barely feel the potholes.

"It's just to keep his nerves down. And don't get in our business, it's not your job."

"Eh, I guess you're right," He shrugs before merging onto the freeway, "And speaking of jobs, let me tell you about our first task. We'll be getting dinner with the boss tonight and a few of his confidantes. I should give you a briefing on the way. It'll be a couple of hours."

"Okay then, shoot."

"We're meeting at JK's favorite bar, Saranghae Mullin. His. He named it after a heart shaped hickie he got from a hooker in twenty nineteen," He says without wavering immaturity, "It's a strip club too, women. So I expect you to be fully focused on the conversation."

"Ha ha."

"We're meeting with him, Jennie, Hwasa, Eunwoo and Lucas. You'll wanna pay attention to them, they're JK's most trusted crew. Beneath me, of course."

I cringed for a bit. If those are his most trusted friends, then who the fuck is that Hobi dipshit looking after my baby?

"They can be a little stuck up, not very welcoming to new comers. Don't let that intimidate you. Let it fuel you," He says, "You might sense some jealousy at the round table. Lucas is JK's resident killer. He kills for JK like a military weapon. Automatic."

A shiver creeps through my body suddenly. It must be nervousness.

"Hwasa and Eunwoo run the numbers. Sales and whatnot. It should just be Hwasa, but JK's logic is primitive. Thinks only men are good at math," He chuckles, "If you ask me, the guys just a pretty face. Every time Hwasa had a vacation, the numbers were screwed and she had to come back to fix it."

I file these introductions in my head. I try to keep it organized and neat so it doesn't clash with my anxiety around leaving Taehyung.

"Jennie? She started out as a street dealer. She was so good that JK promoted her to handle all big shipments. She knows everything about every drug on the street. She's like a damn search engine. Even knows more than JK himself.”

My eyebrows raise in intrigue. I don't know many drug dealers that are women. She must be a fucking hardass. Smart too.

Jin goes silent.

"And JK?" I ask.

"Don't worry, the moment you see him, you'll know everything you need to."

He says that with a tinge of condescendence. I'm not sure if he means it to sound that way or if he's maybe losing his patience over something. Either way, I'm nervous. I'm starting to think I bit off more than I can chew.