#me when the members of my chemical romance know each other

[trans-ylvania]

old man love. bbq at g’s. three question marks seven exclamation points. texting everyone.

[otherone12]

We Were Meant To Be, Supposed To Be

( Avril reference lol)

Frank Iero × Reader

-> Masterlist

A/N: Hey!! I took too long to write this, because I wasn't at home, so couldn't finish it. Also, i've changed the whole plot of this fic like three times, and I still thinking that's not good as I wanted. Anyways, i hope you enjoy :D

A/N 2: You guys want a Vampire x Reader fic? And with wich member?

Summary - You and Frank dated for a while before he joined MCR, but when you two decided to go separate ways, the different worlds didn’t work well together and you broke up. Years later, your lives collide again, but this time you’re not that young anymore. (This supposed to be a DD era Frank, but if you wanted to change it, be your guest).

- Word Count: 1.530

- Warnings: none

- Ps: I'll not use y/n…

- Ps2: I'm brazilian, so english is not my first language ... sorry if i wrote something wrong.

___________________________________________

1st person POV

  I was walking down streets on my way to my work, like I do every single day. The large amount of people on the street got me a bit nervous, but I learned to pretend that they didn't exist. 

    The huge building where I work seems small when I enter through the automatic door and go to my even smaller office. I took my earphones and turned the radio on in my city’s broadcasting station. “.... and we're gonna rock this town, like we always do.” The voice that I heard sounded a bit familiar, but I couldn't tell who it was, 'cause of the noise from poor radio contact.   

    I tried harder to listen to what he’ll say, but he had already  finished the interview and the announcer said “Guys, that was Frank Iero telling us what we can expect from the My Chemical Romance concert next week. Thank you, Frank!”

    I got shocked. Why wasn't I able to recognize Frank's voice? It's been that long?

   Frank and I met at high school in our freshman year. We became best friends in about three months. Earlier than we expected, we were hanging out and holding hands. He was the best part of my highschool, probably because I was the most introverted person in the world, he is the opposite. Frank encouraged me to go to parties with him, to be less insecure, to be myself… I owe him all the chances I haven't let go since.

So, like all good things, we were over. He is a famous guitarist, touring through the whole world with his band, and I'm here. I went to college and became exactly what I wanted since I was a kid. 

    We were immature and broke up at the first trouble we had, we’ve been together for six years, and knew each other enough to know that we couldn’t handle a long distance relationship. Without any fight or discussion, we decided that was the end, and just didn’t talked anymore to not turn things harder than they almost were.

Moving on took me a few years, but no one of the people that I dated after Frank made me feel the way he did. Maybe we’re some kind of "meant to be'', and we threw our chance away, giving up that easy.

    The idea of Frank being here gave me the sensation of butterflies in my stomach, should i talk to him? No. I mean, I would like to see him, ask him if he thinks of me like I think of him. Maybe he's still trying to forget about us but incapable to do it, just like me. 

    I gave a brief look to the clock on the wall and noticed that I spent an hour just thinking of Frank, remembering our best moments. And just when I thought I reached the bottom, I felt a tear dripping down my face. 

    With my sleeve, I wiped that single tear in my cheek and keeped working. 

    The rest of the day was gray, the color of the clouds coincidently matched with my feelings. At home, I dropped myself in my bed and turned the tv on, with a desperate yearn to keep my mind out of my old memories. In a few minutes I fell asleep. 

*** time skip ***

  Next day, I decided that I would enjoy myself in some cool place. So at 9pm I put on my best clothes and went to my favorite bar. The place still the same since the last time i went there

   The low lights inside the bar almost made me stumble but I held on to the door before falling.

Like always, the place was crowded and the mix of people talking and the small band who were playing reminded me why I definitely prefer to stay at home instead of going out. Don’t get me wrong, the band was good, I only hate this amount of noise. 

    I took a seat by the side of a group of four men, but it was too dark to see their faces. I avoided looking at any of them for a long time, so it wouldn't look like I was flirting or something.

    - Hey! It's been a long time since the last time you’ve been here. - I used to come here so often that I became friends with the bartender - How’s it going?

   - Great i think, just a bit down this week. - I tell him, with a heavy sight - But I'm here to relax, so, gimme the same as always.

   - Right away, dear! 

   The bartender called my name after some minutes to give me my drink, and I felt the back of my neck burn, like I was being watched. Slowly, I turned around and the four guys were looking at me. My eyes, now accustomed with the dim place, could recognize their faces. I forgot how to breathe when I realized who they were.  

  - Holy shit! I thought I heard your voice, but then I thought that I was getting insane - The man closer to me said, and a silly smile appeared on my face. - You remember me, right, darling?

    - How could I forget you, Frank? - I took a sip of my drink, still smiling. - And, believe me, I tried so fucking hard to.

    - So do I… 

    He took a deep breath and his gaze showed that he missed me as much as I missed him. 

    - When he knew that we’ll be doing some concerts here, he started to talk about you and didn’t stop - Ray said, giggling, while Frank gave him a deathly look. - Well, good to see you again, by the way!

    - Same, guys! - I looked at all of them and nodded, drinking again. - Eight years is too long, but at the same time it seems like it was just a week ago. 

    - Ain’t that the truth? Damn! - Frank didn’t stop to look at me as of the beginning of the conversation. If he keeps doing this, I'll end up kissing him. - You’re pretty as always. ya know?

    My world just tumbled down with his sentence. He used to say this daily to me, in the same way. I gasped and, just like a movie, I saw him, a sixteen boy sitting by my side at the school’s refectory saying this to me for the first time. 

    Ray, Gerard and Mikey walked away to the other side of the bar and Frank stood up when I didn’t respond. Unable to say anything, I just looked at his hazel eyes and felt him getting closer. The feeling of panic washed my body with the sensation of his lips on mine. His hands runned through my body and his tongue entwined in mine. 

    All this eight fucking years trying to get over him, and he made all of this be in vain. I missed his touch more than I could even imagine. 

    I lost my fingers in his hair and when we both were breathless, we pulled up and just looked at each other.

    - Shit, how I missed you! - Frank said, holding my waist. - Wanna take a walk outside?

    - Sure. 

    We walked at the door, letting all the noise behind. The cold air of the night reached my face and I shivered, my mind was so confused that I barely noticed that Frank was holding my hand. 

    - So… I don't even know how to start to say how much I regret leaving you.   

    He was looking down, and I've never heard him so serious before.

    - You didn’t leave me. It was consensual. 

    - Yeah, but.. but I blame myself every day for not insisting on continuing with you. - He whined with an evident remorse in his voice. The regretful tone of his sigh was painful for me to hear.

    - Wasn’t your fault, Frank. We were both immature. - I let go of his hand and put my arm around his neck, in an attempt to comfort him. I wish someone had told me the same thing I said to Frank. After he’s gone I felt as guilty as him, and it lasted all these years. - Altrought we can try again, ‘cause we made it clear to each other that we still have mutual feelings.

    - You’re right, but how is this gonna work? - We stopped walking and Frank looked at me. His confused gaze turned sad and worried as the next words left his mouth.  - You have your life here, and my music is my life so… 

   - Maybe we can try that long distance thing… - A little unsure of what he would think of the idea, I tried to accept the only possible option for our situation. - Seeing each other when you were not on a tour, spending holidays together, calling and texting each other every day...

    - Sounds like an idea to me.

    He smiled and pulled me closer to a kiss, this time i wasn’t worried about all that shit. I let the moment ride me and a hopeful sensation warmed my body even more than Frank’s hands on my face and hips. I felt on fire when the kiss turned deeper. 

    - Are you sure that you wanna try to do this? - I broke the kiss for an instant. 

    - I’m on there, baby! 

___________________________________________

~So... that's it. lemme know if you enjoyed ;)

[emodepressive]

My Chemical Romance is my life ⁠♡

In my humble opinion, MCR is by far the best band I know, without a shadow of a doubt. No other band I've ever heard compares to them. Although there are many rock bands that I love, MCR is on another level. They have the best songs, and I can't even listen to other bands these days, because no other band can give me the same level of musical satisfaction as MCR.

Their music is more than just notes and melodies; it's an emotional journey. The lyrics, the energy, the passion that overflows in every song... it's simply indescribable. Frank and Ray's guitar parts are like explosions of pure emotion, while Mikey's bass and Gerard's vocals create an enveloping atmosphere that transports me to another world.

It's not just about the music, but also about the members' pasts and how they fought hard but finally managed to win and are now happy. That's one of the main reasons I like them, after all, not only is their music great, but they're also more human, in a way that makes me feel that it's okay to feel sad or depressed sometimes, but I should always strive to be better.

One last smaller and less philosophical reason is that when they're performing, their significantly different ways of playing kind of balance each other out and it's super fun to watch, as Frank's convulsions on the floor, Gerard's super passionate (and sometimes sexual) singing, Ray's headbanging and Mikey's calm and serene bass all fit together like pieces of a puzzle and I really love that.

MCR goes far beyond music. They are an inspiration, a community and a family to many fans, like me. The energy they transmit, the passion they put into every note and their stories make me connect with the band in a unique way. It's more than just liking music, it's about becoming part of something bigger.

[d3molition-lov3rs]

Can you explain petekey to me in detail like i’m someone who barely knows the band members (because i actually don’t know)

ofc!! i'll give a brief overview here, but for the full story i definitely recommend checking out this master-post on tumblr, or this version on ao3.

Petekey comprises of Pete Wentz (bassist and lyricist of Fall Out Boy) and Mikey Way (bassist of My Chemical Romance). The two first met in 2003 and both of their bands played some dates on Warped Tour 2004, however things really kicked off in the summer of 2005 when Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance were the head-lining bands on Warped Tour. The members of both bands were often spotted throughout the summer watching each others sets, hanging out together, or playing on stage with one another, and people who were fans of both bands at the time loved the friendship between My Chem and FOB.

Around this time, Pete Wentz was very active on LiveJournal answering questions, teasing lyrics, and talking about the tour. A lot of the questions were often about My Chem, his friendship with Mikey, and various things about the summer, and Pete also posted a lot of prose/poetry/thoughts musing over and reflecting on a summer love. This was furthered in the release of Fall Out Boy's album 'Infinity On High' in 2007, which contained many lyrics taken directly from Pete's posts on LiveJournal (specifically the song 'Bang The Doldrums', which was previously called 'Summer of Like'. Summer of Like is now a term which is used as another way to refer to the summer of 2005). Pete and Mikey have remained friends over the years and often interacted on twitter, and Mikey even played bass on stage with Fall Out Boy last year.

Obviously, all of these events happened almost two decades ago, (and both individuals are married lmao) so nowadays most people just "ship" the two in a very light-hearted way that is really just an appreciation of their friendship. There has been a bit of a spike of people talking about the ship in the last couple years as a result of MCR playing the WWWY festival in 2022, Mikey playing on stage with Fall Out Boy in 2023, and FOB playing 'Bang The Doldrums' live on stage for the first time EVER last year. Anyways, both My Chem and FOB are head-lining WWWY festival next month and personally I am hyped for that lol.

hopefully this was helpful!! i definitely recommend checking out the master-posts i linked for way, WAY more information and a much more coherent time-line of the petekey "lore"

[jehhskz]

Thanks for the tag twin @athforskz ❤️

Click here for the questions. Kindly asking for MDNI because there will be nsfw stuff!

I'm tagging @doitforbangchan / @moonchild9350 / @jeonginsleftcheek / @ssickmagnolia8 ❤️

1.Dumbest thing you believed as a new fan?

I was convinced that Han and the actress Shin Se-kyung were sibilings because in my mind they are pretty much twins, i even went to check on Google because i couldn't remember her name and not to confirm they aren't related 😅

2.Favorite duo/ship from this group?

Although hyunlix fics makes my heart warm, i don't ship any of them romantically. But friendship speaking, my favorite is hyunlix and hyunjin and innie, i love how they are with each other 💕

3.Favorite sub group within the whole group (for skz: favorite Racha)?

Danceracha, they altered my brain chemical forever

4.Favorite unreleased song?

Mic and brush and their solos from dominATE tour 🥹 can they hurry up and released it soon, please?

5. Favorite old song of theirs? Favorite song from their most recent project/album?

I love love love Case 143 but i'd say Lonely St too, for their new album i loved everything, but i'd say chk chk boom, because this song instantly puts me in a good mood

6.Has your bias/ bias line changed?

Hmmm, i met skz because of Felix, but even if we had a - weird start - Hyunjin caught my attention right away, and i remember watching the topline mv and thinking if i was dating Felix i'd have those - oh i wish it was you instead - feelings for Hyunjin (look at me being delulu when i didn't even know what delulu was 😵), so yeah i guess it's always been Hyunjin 👉🏻👈🏻

7.What about bias wreckers, have they changed?

I'm torn between Lino and Felix, but it has been like this for awhile, so i'd say it didn't change

8.Which member are you attracted to the most physically? Emotionally?

I think ot8's so hot, i'd feel luck 🤭 but i'd say physically Han, him dancing to lalalala in that cropped top lives rent free in my mind, Hyunjin too and i'm not saying this just because he showed his abs recently, this man fully dressed was already messing with my head, and emotionally i'd say Han or Hyunjin too because i feel like i'd be very safe with them and could just be me without having to worry about what to say or do

9.If you ever actually had the chance, who do you think you’d work out in a long-term relationship with (please remember the first rule of Kpop)?

What's the first rule of Kpop? Without a doubt, Hyunjin. Not to hype me up or anything, but i just know i'd know how to love him right ❤️

10.A favorite kink of yours and choose a member to fit that kink?

Ohhh tmi moment 🫣 i'm obsessed with men neck, it drives me insane and Hyunjin has the most beautiful neck 🤤 and fingers intertwined, it's like my thing, very intimate, very loving, feeling his beautiful hands connected with mine during our intimate moments would make my heart explode, also finish inside, very intimate ❤️

11.Favorite sluttiest choreography/move they’ve done?

Have you seen my bias dancing? That man's moves is really something else 🫣 to highlight some of him and the boys, i'd say danceracha during taste, Hyunjin's hall of fame, that move from thunderous, Changbin's poppin, and Chan and I.N's solo during dominATE, their JJAM dance, oooh and the iconic play with fire!!!

12.Most unhinged fic and oneshot or edit you have enjoyed of them?

Ohh i've got quite a long list 💕 i usually go for the romances, here's some of the favs:

Hyunjin - Deity by @doitforbangchan

Hyunjin - Three days with you @moonchild9350

Hyunjin - Teach me and Too much kitten? By @seungfl0wer

Hyunjin - Sweet Reunion by @jeonginsleftcheek

Hyunjin - TAGAM by @leeknowsallyoursecrets

Hyunlix - Losing my breathe for you by @ssickmagnolia8

SKZ - All bark and no bite by @doitforbangchan

Felix - Of Ex's and Oh's by @athforskz

Han - Weather the storm by @doitforbangchan

There's a lot more, but i think i'm not suppose to make this list too long (?), but it's basically all my babes masterlists: @athforskz, @doitforbangchan, @jeonginsleftcheek, @leeknowsallyoursecrets, @moonchild9350, @ssickmagnolia8 i'm obsessed with their writting ❤️

Edits: This // This // This // This

[v1rtualv4mp]

hello! I was wondering if you had any headcannons for the bloodpack from blade ii? Specifcially snowman but honestly a lot of them didn't get their chance to shine imo before being killed which is too bad :(

⋆♱ 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ♱⋆

Genre: Romance/fluff

Disclaimer: Ever so slightly suggestive but it's just a little bit

A/N: AAA u have no idea how excited I was when I got your request!! It caught me so off-guard, I didn't think anyone would be interested in other characters other than Blade and Scud. And I totally agree with you bro, how can they introduce a bunch of cool characters and just kill them all off. I wish we got to see more of each ones personalities, especially Snowman! He was my favorite :( It wasn't sure if you wanted romantic headcanons or just general stuff, so I did a little bit of both! And also, I am so so sorry for the long wait, I'm new at this 😓 Goddamnit I feel so bad.

☆ PRIEST

– Had the prettiest, most healthy, defined and smooth curly hair as a child but then he fucked it all up with chemicals

– Owned a boat in his teenage years

– Talks in his sleep

– Definently a little addicted to crack

– Is the type of guy who claims to be a player but actually doesn't even know where the clit is

☆ CHUPA

– Used to be a mama's boy, I feel it in my guts I can't explain it

– And he was definitely a little spoiled, too

– Hear me out, he has such a mean face but I BET he's in reality such a loser, like, he has absolutely no game

– He gets really shy when flirted with, then he just pretends to be annoyed by scoffing and walking away (screaming on the inside)

– Is secretly into men but he's in STRONG denial

– Is super sensitive please don't friendly tease him, that guy will take it seriously and lose his shit

– Loves animals, especially big dog breeds and ducks

– Purple is his favorite color

☆ LIGHTHAMMER

– As much as he acts all tough on the outside he's a sweetheart once you break his shell

– Wants to express his love for his partners too but has a hard time doing it so, ends up feeling guilty

– Used to have an underbite

– Is the oldest one of the group, being 279

– Has one of the most nasty, juicy and aggressive coughs you'll ever hear

– Hates the singing of birds, it pisses him off for no reason

☆ VERLAINE

– As the movie shows, she's really really affectionate with her loved ones

– I'm guessing she already had a lot of romantic partners during her life but they were all short-lived, Lighthammer was the only one who lasted for a long time

– I'm assuming they didn't know each other before the whole Damaskinos's training thing, so yeah, they fell in love during it ♡

– Cannot leave her hair alone for shit, is always dyeing it and getting new haircuts

– Is part of the goth subculture (mall goth)

☆ SNOWMAN

– I think Snowman would probably be kinda aromantic

– Like, I think he chooses to focus more on important things such as training. In my opinion, he looks way more experienced than the rest of the Bloodpack so I'm guessing that he has trained for a really long time.

– Virgin

– Loves incense

– Eating sand was his main hobby as a kid

– Is a great cook

☆ REINHARDT

– Has difficulty forming actual bonds with people. As shown in the movie, he didn't even care that half of the people he knew for two whole years were all dead

– Maybe he's had only few friends during his lifetime, maybe 15 or 20 (not a lot since I'm assuming all members are 100+ years old)

– His mom forced him to go to church as a kid

– Second most old member (216)

– His favorite color is pink but no one can find this out

[empthy1]

(have to talk about this somewhere. so. here. not proofread. just straight rambling)

On the surface, the concert was simple: a poet, four musicians, and three dancers. It was more complex, evidently, as an end product- sound production added, camera-work perfected and lights an amazing show by themselves. Somehow, though, I believe the show would have had the same impact had it been just that- a poet with a microphone, a band, and three dancers.

Childish Gambino- or Donald Glover, to others- put on a show like I'd never experienced. The lighting was phenomenal, with bright colors and creative patterns. The sound may have been even better. He was never overshadowed by the band, and even surrounded by people singing, in the nosebleeds of the nosebleeds, you could still pick his voice out easily.

He is, in my opinion, one of the greatest performers we have today. Even though I've been to the concerts of many greats- My Chemical Romance, Weezer, and The Cure to name a few- he was the one who most engaged me. His crowd work was incredible. He pulled the audience in with no trouble, and had everyone in that stadium hooked before he even got on stage. When the bright overheads started flickering, people were screaming- minutes before we even saw him. The simple act of someone welding on stage (which could have been him, or some genuine crew member) had people out of their seats and ready.

When he did come on stage, he did it unexpectedly. He wasn't occupying the enormous main stage, but the smaller one on the other end of the pit. When the overhead lights went out, his flared- bright red, spanning the entirety of the arena. It was sudden, and was perfect to pull people in.

I confess, I went in with subpar knowledge of his songs, especially compared to the girl next to me who knew every word of each that played. I knew his popular songs briefly, but not word for word. I left ensnared. His energy, unique voice, and confident creativity had me, after checking the time, saying 'there's only fifteen minutes of time with him left' instead of 'It'll be over in fifteen minutes'. There was no rush to get out, or wanting for it to end. He managed to captivate fans and ensnare their companions- partners, friends, and parents alike. It takes a special kind of performer to keep the attention of 22,000 people. It takes an even better one to keep them all on their feet- even people like me, scared of tumbling out of the narrow standing areas and down, down, down to the far away floor.

I believe that if Childish Gambino had just been up there, performing without all the fancy lights and extra sound work, he would have been able to keep my attention the same way. Even during the mellow intermission, when he told people to 'go get that beer', I didn't see many leave. It was a reprise, sure- but not something to go unnoticed. His voice, especially in the slow moments, really shown through. He has a unique, recognizable tone, and never failed to disappoint in his range and sheer power.

I don't mean to say the lighting was irrelevant or unneeded. Quite the opposite- I believe it showed his creativity further. Each song had lighting that matched it completely, from the pulsing, almost rave-like rainbows of one to the soft, muted, sweeping oranges of another. It communicated the energy of the song well, and transported you to whatever environment he saw fit- just by choosing color and strobe pattern, or how elaborate each one was.

All of this culminates into one thing I think was my main draw to him. His stage presence. All these elements- his amazing voice, beautiful lighting, talented band and dancers would all be moot if he didn't know how to work a crowd. And yes, he knew how to work the crowd. When he talked, however brief, he was personable. You could find his personality in the words he spoke, and he managed to drum up excitement for song after song. A repeated part he did was 'y'all aren't real fans if you don't know this song'. The challenge really served to rile up the audience before a note even played.

While people hung onto his every word, they also clung to his silences. Applause would ring with every pause, reactions from the audience never failing to make an appearance. If he turned the microphone away during a song, the crowd would pick up the vocal slack. It was like a well-oiled machine- people filling the silences he purposely left. That is what makes him such a good artist. Not his constant hits, or his voice, or how he set up his concert. It was his crowd work that drew me in, how he effortlessly directed every thing that really proved he knew what he was doing. He was powerful, not only in his voice and his unique movements- but his confidence. He was unwavering. It was amazing watching it. It was the best concert I'd ever been to. It was a wonderful first- and last- time seeing him. I'm just glad I got to experience how great he is live before he retired.

[ambreiiigns]

Ok spit it out, what's with these doubleblack yaoi boys you've been posting. um spill? don't worry about spoilers, i don't want to watch anime i just want to know

doubleblack yaoi boys. ok so first of all sorry for answering Days later i hope u still see this i'm so sorry i don't even know how to explain myself i don't remember what i've been doing. yesterday i was watching a bunch of friday the 13th movies but besides that i have no excuses. secondly i love the energy bc this is exactly how i ended up watching bsd i just cared about them a lot and learned everything i could until i decided i got this far i might as well just watch the damn thing. and i will say w the experience i have. it's not worth it babe just look at them they're the best part you're not missing out. anyway. i don't KNOW WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY UMMMMM the source material is this thing called bungo stray dogs it Is funny bc they decided the way to go abt this was make anime boys out of famous authors and like put half of them in the mafia so you have to sit there and nod when they call edgar allan poe a famous criminal or whatever. like 👍 and then they have powers based on one of their most famous books or whatever. and they're faggy. you will have to see people talk abt fyodor dostoevsky getting hole.

but besides all the Sillies. the doubleblack boys you ask about have genuinely honest to fucking god become like. one of my favorite pairing like. thematically or whatever. their dynamic is insane they are so cool. uhhhh hang on i'm embarassed let me hide

idk they're. they meet at 15 years of age teenagers by my chemical romance blasting. dazai is a member of the local /mafia/ and he's like a pathetic wet cat. he's sad and weird. he feels bored w life and finds it to be, frankly, Not Worth It so he's like passively suicidal but he won't straight up DO IT bc he doesn't like to be in pain bc he's a little baby. he joined the mafia thinking that maybe if he exposes himself to death and violence he'll change his mind but it hasn't worked yet it just made him Fucked Up. his special ability is called no longer human and he can switch off anyone's powers by touching them and it kinda gives him brainworms (will elaborate later). he's the one w the dark hair and wrapped in bandages and the most beautiful boy in the world. chuuya is a street punk baby gang (they're called The Sheep. smh) member ajfjakfiisg he Hates the mafia Hates authority is so so loyal to his little friends and he seems to be just Amiable and likable cause everyone's immediately fond of him to some extent and he's always surrounded by friends or making small talk. and he's like so fuckin bold and brave and arrogant cause he's got according to the author Thee strongest powers in this universe so he never has to like. stop and think. his ability is called upon the tainted sorrow and controls gravity. he's so kickass and liddol. he only fights using his liddol leggies to kinda rein himself in. he's got the red hair and always wears a choker bc he's so sexy and not like other girls.

so they meet bc chuuya's gang has been getting Big thanks to his powers to the point where the mafia's concerned and also they're investigating on some rumors abt arahabaki which is like an old god. chuuya gets dragged to the mafia hq, ends up having to work w dazai to solve this arahabaki stuff, and they. boohoo they DON'T like each other they DON'T wanna work together >:((( they're little enemies to ????? but the thing is To Me they don't even. hate each other that much. like they clash personality-wise sure and they get on each other's nerves on purpose Sure but also they're kids. it's not that big of a deal. they still take time to play arcade games together and make stupid bets during their mission. they're so endearing actually. anyway the catch Is. that arahabaki is actually this thing called a singularity which is when you put together two abilities that have kinda opposite effects and the Government had been doing experiments to create that power so they can use it and CHUUYA's one of the experiments wahh!!! the result is that chuuya has Another cool power called corruption where he just goes batshit and like throws black holes around and stuff and he's unstoppable but the catch is that once he activates this power he can't stop it he just has to wait until it consumes him and he Dies. here's where dazai's nullification ability comes in. more on that later. (it's as if they can only truly Work together. it's as if they were made to be together. haha 🤪) a member of the mafia (Arthur Rimbaud) reveals that he was There when chuuya blew up bc he actually wanted to keep chuuya as a little meat puppet and use that power for himself and YET! even after hearing this! chuuya gets attached to him. like yea the two of them kill him (through the power of Holding Hands mind you) but then he visits his grave and shit. bc this was the first person to tell chuuya that he's human. coming from a place of having seen first hand what makes him feel like he isn't. so he cherishes that a lot. after that the sheep Betray chuuya after some Dazai Manipulation Of Everyone™ bc he does that yk he's a little shithead he's a little evil. BUT he kinda had good intentions bc he's Clever and Observant and noticed so easily how much the sheep were using chuuya for his abilities and he has a Thing where he doesn't. love people using chuuya like that. so he wanted to cut him out of the gang and have him join the mafia with Hiiiiim instead :) and chuuya's mad at him. cause he still took his friends away from him.

but he does join the mafia he Does kinda like it there and him and dazai are assigned to be full time Partners and they get the nickname soukoku, or double black, The Most Feared Duo in the city, thanks to their little corruption-no longer human trick that just wipes out any enemy like it's nothing. then they uhh there's a bit where chuuya is like actually pissed of at dazai unironically for Once and dazai's so mopey that he actually like behaves like a good person so chuuya forgives him. my girl is mad at me i hope i die fr. i'm not familiar enough w this Piece of Lore so i can't elaborate further but like i'm obsessed w it.

anyway THEN jump to when they're about 18 dazai makes another friend named oda who like. sure he's soul-tied to chuuya forever but oda (and Another guy who i don't even wanna Think about) are the only people he'd Call friends. (also they're like a few years older than dazai and i'm Obsessed w the fact that he's such a miserable weirdo that the only people besides chuuya that he can make genuine friends with are some. adults.) and then oda DIES and the fault lies both in the mafia and the third friend and his final words are something about how he wishes he could have gotten out of the mafia to be a good person and he hopes dazai gets to do that. and it kinda Shapes the rest of dazai's life. he switches his perspective around and decides that if exposing himself to death and violence didn't Fix him maybe now he can try being Nice and Helping People and maybe that will make him feel like it's worth being alive. so he disappears from the mafia and a while later joins a local detective agency which is where we find him when the story actually starts. the night he leaves chuuya gets drunk. because he's soo happy. (i think he lied. abt being happy)

the first time chuuya and dazai meet again after this is in some fuckin Dungeon and dazai's chained to the wall and chuuya says it looks Hot and then they talk shit and bicker until they end up collaborating and chuuya lets him go (aka dazai talks his way out of it) and then they pull some fucking cringy ass Joke and they Laugh abt it and it's like. oh wow they're still the same. after all this time apart. we're still Like That and we haven't changed. :) after That they reunite in an episode named after them where they have to babysit some creepy enby kid w a spooky evil doll and fight H. P. Lovecraft during which chuuya has to use corruption and it's Glorious. it had been said that dazai is like speechless and completely fascinated by chuuya when he uses corruption. lol.

then there's the fucking MOVIE. oh my GOD. the main thing w them from the movie is. oh man. dazai 1. joins the Bad Guys but actually he's just Infiltrating to Defeat Them From Within 2. gets found out bc he's not that smooth and stabbed w a poisoned knife 3. gets trapped in a fuckin Dragon or smth and is realistically and understandably presumed dead. and then chuuya gets called in to kill this Dragon (i will not give more context on the Dragon bc i for one just barely understand what the hell is going on) and the only choice is to use corruption even tho he gets advised to not do that since dazai's probably dead and without him chuuya WILL die too. but he's like nah no way. that cockroach would NEVER die. (i trust him) so he uses corruption smashes the dragon to bits and even in the fucking. fugue state that he gets into. he spots dazai manages to recognize him calls out his name and fucking. punches him in the face. making him swallow some antidote he had hidden in his mouth all along. bc somehow dazai ALWAYS knows (remember he's clever) and he's ALWAYS one step ahead. but chuuya always knows HIM. they hadn't discussed this they just. trusted each other to have their back no matter what. dazai trusted chuuya to make him take the antidote and chuuya trusted dazai to snap him out of corruption even when it made no sense. it's about the TRUST!!! like yea no matter the circumstances the relationships the affiliations. this is him. he's got me. hey. of course. this is insane. chuuya punches him. technically upon contact corruption is now switched off. and then dazai reaches up to touch his cheek so softly. and says "you used corruption believing in me? how beautiful" people died tbh. oh you used your super insane deadly powers? even if as far as you were concerned i was as good as dead? you trust me that much? and You trust me enough to sit around this whole movie w a pill in your teeth knowing i'd make you swallow it just at the right moment? how did he even KNOW they're so insane. (then chuuya says "yeah i believed in your disgusting vitality and craftiness" and dazai answers "that was a somewhat violent way of waking snow white" shut the fuck up tbh) this is the highest moment. i will be forever insane. and then dazai like shoved chuuya's head in his crotch but i don't fucking CARE STOP BEING HORNY

and then we get to the latest season and chapters. oh man. ok so. dazai's in superjail w his actual archnemesis Fyodor Dostoevsky. people are becoming vampires. stick w me. fyodor brings chuuya Into superjail to help him kill dazai. chuuya is now a vampire and YES he is serving cunt. dazai almost drowns fyodor and chuuya to death and does a sad gay little speech abt how it's sad that it had to end this way and "there were moments where our hearts reached out to each other" girl WHAT???? "like…" and he THINKS abt them doing the corruption trick and holding hands to defeat rimbaud and just Existing next to each other BUT WHAT HE SAYS IS NOTHING. he just waves it off like he ~actually~ can't think of anything bc he doesn't even care haha bye die!! he is so PATHETIC. he is so if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more -core tbh. he's such a liar. and THEN fyodor has chuuya shoot him in the head. lol. and what dazai has to say about THIS is like oooo maybe if i say something sweet chuuya will come back to normal. and so he says "chuuya our fate will not end in a place like this because you and i are destined to" and then he gets SHOT. IN THE HEAD!!! AND I LAUGHED ABOUT IT!!!! personally this was very "you know i… i…" "i don't know" "but he knew well enough" book reddie of them to be h. anyway. dazai's not dead. and you know what's funnier. chuuya was never even a vampire. he put on fake teeth and contacts and Lied. Pretended. Successfully. to like one of the smartest characters in this universe. hello. now i don't KNOW if i'm meant to read this as in it was always planned or if chuuya had this plan and dazai had to catch up w it like i don't know at what point does dazai know that chuuya was faking it. any theory on this is Hilarious to me. but he said the corniest shit to this man's face. good lird. yk before this season people argued that it was chuuya who cared abt dazai more and i can understand where you'd get that from considering how cold and distant and Fake dazai is (you'd be wrong and stupid) but like i feel like after this dazai's lookin pretty down bad ngl. i don't think there's any imbalance between them but if i had to pick. yk. anyway. chuuya Did actually shoot him but then he used his gravity powers to slow the bullet down Inside of the gun so that it wouldn't kill him and fyodor wouldn't see it. and dazai's like. oh yeah this trick? this little game? we used to do this all the time :) HELLO!!!!!! obsessed w THEM!!!! THEY FUCKED AROUND LIKE THIS? OF COURSE THEY DID. i KNOW they sat around age 16 and crafted the most RIDICULOUS convoluted plans Just In Case and then they give them little code names that they STILL remember YEARS after their partnership fucking ENDED this was insane. and then just walk it off? THEY ARE UNPARALLELED. PERIODT.

so. the girls who don't get it will say they hate each other or whatever. me personally i think it's bullshit. i think they just have That type of vibe. obviously they care. obviously they trust each other more than anyone else w everything they have at all times. and maybe they just also find each other fucking annoying and that's All. when they're 15 dazai finds him obnoxious bc he's too impulsive and never bothers to strategize bc he can rely on his powers being soooo fuckin strong and that's All. i think he's just jealous bc he wishes he could be as lazy as chuuya can afford to be. like he has lichrally Nothing to hate chuuya for he's perfect. chuuya on the other hand,,, besides just personality differences where he finds dazai depressing and offputting JAJDJAKFKAKG like dazai takes his friends away from him. his family the only place he feels he belongs to. i get being mad at dazai after that. but not even for long bc he ends up liking the mafia more anyway and agrees w dazai that the sheep were trash to him so what's left. i don't KNOW if dazai ever commits other significant crimes to him like 😭😭 don't get me wrong he might. i mean it when i say he's kinda evil. he might have done some other shit and i'm forgetting. but i don't think there's anything major that causes genuine hate. the closest thing i can imagine is that dazai, again, dragged him away from his friends, into the mafia, and then leaves him there alone. chuuya's loyal to a fault and can't stand betrayal so i'm sure he's pissed. but dazai also says at some point (not to him ofc) that he regrets not bringing chuuya w him when he left the mafia. sigh. so i think it's just mostly silly bickering.

on a Deeper sense i have some Thoughts abt. ugh. i sort of briefly mentioned that chuuya has some issues w feeling human, and dazai has some issues w his ability (no longer human) and like. besides the trust. this is becoming my favorite thing abt them. at their Core they have the same Thing they just go abt it in the opposite way. neither of them feels like a real human being. chuuya has this very artificial power inside of him so strong that it has a will of its own and dazai has a power that deletes if momentarily other powers. they're both a fuckin. affront to nature in their own ways. and when dazai doesn't feel human he just responds w apathy and like whatever ok i'm not then i wanna die and get it over with what's the point. but when CHUUYA doesn't feel human he's fuckin upset abt it and he wants to idk fight to be human anyway and prove himself wrong. and i feel like. they meet and chuuya sees this perfectly human boy who doesn't appreciate having what he's always struggling for. and dazai sees someone who's justified in feeling separated from humanity and yet he wants to force himself into it ? like man i WISH i had an excuse for feeling like this. and chuuya's like man i wish i hadn't had anything done to me that makes me feel like this. and so they're like,,, so fundamentally mad at each other but then they're also the only other bitch they know w this specific problem so even if they go abt it so differently there's comfort there too that they can't get anywhere else like. they are functionally stuck together bc who else is ever gonna Get It. and chuuya always wants proof that he's just as human as anyone else but then dazai !! he knows perfectly well !!! that chuuya IS like def more human than he'll ever be at the very least bc he knows !! better than chuuya ever will !! what it's actually like to be separated from humanity !! and dazai sees all this passion and energy into this little guy and like how could you ever doubt how could you ever wonder. what else would all this come from if you're not human. i don't even have an ounce of this and technically i Am human so what. dazai takes HIMSELF out of humanity chuuya was TAKEN out of it. and then their power. the fact that dazai's powers that he doesn't even like actively take away what makes chuuya feel less human ?!! there is some kind of mutual aid going on. dazai's ability CAN'T be that bad if it's at least fixing chuuya and it's in fact the ONLY thing that can save chuuya's life. and the irony of it being called no longer human when it does the opposite for chuuya. they're the only thing that sort of justifies themselves to Themselves. the place where the inherent anger for each other comes from is also where the inherent trust comes from. so even if they piss each other off and even if they'd never admit to any positive feelings like they'd do for their other friends they're just. tied. red string or whatever. i think the reason why they Keep finding their way to each other even when they work for enemy factions is Well They Have No Choice for better or worse they'll always be stuck together ! for worse probably. i don't think they're thrilled by that. but no one else is ever gonna Get Me like this bitch !!! so we're sticking together. can you believe i'm chuuya nakahara and the only time i can use the full extent of my powers is when This Guy is around. i can never be 100% myself w anyone else. and can you believe i'm osamu dazai and the only time that i feel like my powers aren't an offense to nature itself is when i use them to keep This Guy from blowing up. so my Burden isn't that bad it's actually Good sometimes. probably just for him but that will do. they're like i can never use all of my powers/i can never use my powers in a way that makes me feel ok except when he's involved. no they're fucking insane tbh it's fascinating.

dazai SAYS MULTIPLE TIMES that he thinks abt chuuya every moment of every day (specifically on how to piss him off but Still) (it's their love language) dazai stopped wishing he could die when he was 15 bc he met chuuya and he was the only exciting surprising thing that he'd seen so far and he wanted to stay alive to figure him out. chuuya keeps using corruption over and over and he puts his life in dazai's hands over and over and he never misses. dazai's the only one who's immune to chuuya - his stupidly strong powers sure but also his stupidly strong physical combat skills bc he knows him well enough to dodge. chuuya's the only one who can understand where dazai's going w his plans and meet him there. dazai calls him slug and chuuya calls him mackerel. once someone close to chuuya saw them stand side by side and said they were surprisingly perfect together. you know. so on so forth. do you Get It

also they're like in love and fucking i guess but that's collateral. i'm not gonna pretend to be strictly intellectual abt them. yas we ship them in a silly sexy way. but also they're incredibly fascinating just the way they are in the text. yk what i mean ?

here look at them as a treat. manga collage in chronological order anime reunion and official art for the movy. what on earth i say

[heyitsmeyuhh]

The Hardest Part (Jean Kirschtein x Reader)

AN: Hi all, sorry I’ve been MIA; school has been crazy, and I haven’t had hardly any time to work on creative things. I’m still working on Blood and Wine I promise, and eventually I’ll get around to Midnight City. I just wanted to sit down and bust this little short story out because I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently and I didn’t want to lose it. Let me know how you like it (or don’t like it)! I know its cheesy and not super realistic but its fiction, so I did it anyway haha.

Song Inspo: I Don’t Love You / Cancer (both by My Chemical Romance)

WC: ~ 4.7K

Content: Angst, mutual pining.

…

February 4th, 2016

I don’t love you, like I did, yesterday.

His guitar solo was always the highlight of the set (in his so humble opinion). Every person in the building was looking straight at him. Most of the fans were either dancing or gazing at him with lusty eyes. A few men around the periphery were glaring at him like they were jealous that their girlfriends were drooling over the band members. One couple in the stands were making out vigorously. His chest swelled with exhilaration.

And when he looked over, she was watching him, like she always was during his solo. His heart skipped a little and he played with a little more intensity.

She was breathtaking; he had no idea how he hadn’t always seen it. She had always been “just a friend” through the years of knowing each other; she’d come over to his place and they would hang out for hours working on sets, watching the latest episodes of whatever show they were fixated on, and just hanging out talking about anything. That isn’t to say he hadn’t fantasized about having sex with her a time or two. However, more than anything, she was a comfort to him, even when she wasn’t trying. On days he was anxious, she would sit with him, sometimes in complete silence. She would sit close to him while watching a movie, so their knees touched or let him sling his legs over her lap just to feel anchored to something. He could fall asleep with his head in her lap, her fingers stroking his hair gently. Other times when he was excited about something, she was the person he always wanted to tell first.

Tonight, the energy from the crowd was intoxicating, and her eyes were there to steady him again. They glowed like fire and if he didn’t know any better, he would think that she was in love with him. He knew she wasn’t, just wishful thinking; it didn’t stop him from imagining them together.

He hadn’t really considered dating her until he had been rejected by the only other woman in the group last December. Mikasa Ackerman, their drummer, was the definition of sultry; she pulled Jean in like she did with every man. But unfortunately, she was head over heels for Eren, their other lead vocalist. Jean couldn’t imagine why. She was gracious about her rejection and she hadn’t let it affect their friendship; she had just always loved Eren, Jean really never had a chance. The first thing he wanted to do was tell Y/n, to sob over a carton of Ben and Jerry’s like they always do watching some soppy romcom, but a nagging feeling told him to keep this one thing to himself. Y/n had asked if he was feeling okay; she always seemed to know when something was up with him no matter how much he tried to ignore it. Instead, he lied and chalked it up to lack of sleep. After moping for a few days, he had gotten over himself. He was more annoyed at pretty boy Eren for getting all the girls than he was about Mikasa passing him over.

Y/n tucked her bottom lip between her teeth and a jolt rocked through Jean’s spine. Nothing Mikasa had ever done was anything like what Y/n could do to him with just that one look. Jean would give up anything for her to look at him like that all the time. He could admit to himself that he had probably always been in love with Y/n deep down; Mikasa really only caught his eye because she was pretty and mysterious. But after the Mikasa situation, he didn’t really feel like threatening another one of his friendships, let alone the best one he had. He’d gotten off easy with Mikasa, but what were the odds of another rejection ending well? He wouldn’t tempt it. Instead, he resigned himself to memorizing every one of Y/n’s glances, savoring every accidental brush of skin, pretending like she was doing it on purpose, imagining what it would be like to hold her up against his chest.

As his solo ended, Y/n shifted her gaze from him and turned back toward her microphone to finish the song. His eyes lingered on her profile and he drank in the striking way the lights illuminated her features. Jean could live with this, for now at least.

---

February 8th, 2016

Y/n was in Jean’s hotel room like she was most nights on tour. Usually, they would be brainstorming ideas on how to make their sets more interactive and entertaining, but tonight they were settling in for a day off tomorrow. Both were drinking a beer, Y/n sitting at the head of the bed and Jean lying on his side, head toward the TV. He was absentmindedly drawing little shapes along her leg with his hands. Y/n couldn’t help but study those hands, veins tracing their way across the back of his hand like rivers. The skin where he traced tingled and burned, but she stayed as still as possible, as if he were a wild animal that she would scare off if she even moved an inch. His eyes had a distant look and his eyebrows scrunched up like they did when he was chewing on a deep idea.  

She had made the decision to tell Jean tonight about how she felt and let the cards fall where they may. Currently, however, she was distracted with the lines of his shoulders as he leaned on his elbow. His shirt was off, and she could see every muscle ripple as he shifted positions, shoulder tattoos on full display, winding down the natural lines in his arms. She made a mental note not to start drooling yet.

“Jean?”

“Yeah?” He snapped back to the present and looked at her, his golden eyes sparkling in the crappy hotel room lighting.

A wave of apprehension washed over her, and for a moment she chickened out.

“Uh, what do you want to do for dinner?”

“I hadn’t really thought about it,” he said sitting up to face her. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know. There was a sushi place down the road that looked kinda good? But I sorta just want to eat in tonight.”

“I’ll call it in and go grab it for us,” Jean decided. He held the ankle he had just been tracing and kissed it before rolling off the bed to grab his phone. Y/n’s heart raced a little, but she regained her composure quickly. Jean had been touchier lately, which gave her the impression that he might like her too, but she couldn’t be sure. If she had her way, he would just ask her himself, so she could save the anxiety she had building up to this.

He brought the phone to his ear and a muffled voice came through on the other end. “The usual?” he asked turning to meet her gaze. Her eyes flickered from his chest back to his eyes and she could feel her cheeks warm a bit. She thought she could see a brief smirk cross his face, but it was gone so fast she couldn’t tell if she had imagined it. Y/n nodded and mouthed a silent thank you as he placed the order. She pretended to turn her attention back to the TV, though Jean’s bare torso was admittedly more interesting than whatever else was on. Once he hung up, he grabbed a shirt and assured Y/n he would be right back.

The minute he left, she let out a breath. She mentally kicked herself for backing down. Her eyes darted to the bedside table where the spare key card lay peeking out of the little check-in folder. She needed a pep talk. She swiped the card from the table and rushed her way over to Mikasa’s room.

Instead Eren answered the door.

“Where’s Mikasa?”

He stood there in some oversized hoodie and gray sweatpants. His hair was pulled back into a messy bun, strands of hair around his temples escaping to frame his face. Green eyes pierced her own, but the haze of weed dulled the focus.

“Out. She’s getting her drum set looked at and you know how much of a control freak she is about anyone touching the thing.” He leaned against the door frame, arms crossed casually.

“Shit,” Y/n muttered under her breath. She considered just calling the whole thing off, but she didn’t want to have wasted all that time she spent hyping herself up for this. She may not have the will power to do it again.

“I need a pep talk.” Y/n grabbed Eren’s sleeve and dragged him back into his apartment.

--- Y/n stood breathless in front of the couch, facing the other lead singer in her band.

“Yeah, Jean asked Mikasa out like two months ago. She didn’t tell you?”

The long-haired brunette was looking at her with inquisitive eyes, a lit joint slotted between his fingers. A tightness had formed in her chest like her heart had sunk into her stomach. As a matter of fact, Mikasa hadn’t told her. Quite the opposite actually. Her mind flashed back to a conversation made in hushed tones, the light scent of alcohol on each of their breaths.

“You should just tell him, honestly, or you’re going to be thinking about it forever and nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Plus, I think he might like you.”

Y/n had been basically in love with Jean for like two years now and nothing had happened. Granted nothing happened because she was too afraid to ruin their friendship. She figured that being friends with him and pining over him forever was better than being rejected and ruining the whole relationship and possibly break up the band.

But on New Year’s, she and Mikasa had stolen away during the party to the bathroom, giggling over something that couldn’t have been that funny. Y/n remembered whispering to her, trying to pretend like they hadn’t locked everyone else out of one of the two bathrooms at the house. They had a long conversation and eventually Y/n spilled her guts about her feelings for Jean, but how she couldn’t stand to lose their friendship if her confession went poorly. Drunk confessions were always the most honest; now she realized that she was ignorant to have taken Mikasa’s drunk advice. She had encouraged her whole heartedly to let him know how she felt; after all, Mikasa had made that her resolution too. She was going to kiss Eren at midnight. For some reason, she seemed to have completely omitted this little detail about Jean being in love with her instead.  

“I can’t believe she never told me.” Y/n felt like she needed to sit down. All at once, she was losing the people that were closest to her. Did Mikasa care so little about her that she pushed her into ruining her relationship with Jean? How could Mikasa not have warned her that he wasn’t interested, that he was in love with her instead?

“It was right at the beginning of December. We hadn’t started dating yet and I guess she just told him that she wasn’t interested. Honestly, it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.” Eren took a long drag from the joint and puffed some of the smoke into the air between them casually.

“Yeah.” Y/n said half-heartedly. Suddenly she sagged like someone had slung sandbags over her shoulders. All her nervous energy left her body at once and she slumped into the massive couch next to Eren. She remembered that early December was around the time Jean had gone into his little slump. She did everything she could to try to pull him out but she couldn’t figure out what was going on. He wouldn’t leave his room, he didn’t seem to want to eat, and all he wanted to do was lie around the house. He seemed better after about a week, but now she wondered if he’s been trying to distract himself with her all this time.

“Who was I kidding anyway.”

He leaned forward to look at Y/n’s face. “Oh, shit you really do like him. This wasn’t going to be some quick fuck?” His expression was now serious, his mind combatting the haze from the weed. Y/n nodded dejectedly.

“Damn, I’m sorry you had to find out like that.” he huffed, slouching back into the couch next to her. “Well, Mikasa’s taken. Maybe you could still try talking to him.”

She shook her head silently; she couldn’t form words right now without choking down a sob. Instead, she grabbed the blunt from Eren and took a long drag. He looked at her with worry, she didn’t often partake unless there were special circumstances. Y/n didn’t notice and took a second drag before handing it back to him. She could feel time start to slow around her, and for a moment, this whole situation made her giggle; it wasn’t funny, but it was getting more and more ridiculous in her mind. Eren chuckled beside her, though he had no idea why they were laughing.

After what felt like hours, Y/n stood and made her way back to the door without saying a word. Eren remained on the couch but called over his shoulder.

“Hey.” Y/n paused at the door, looking back to meet his knowing eyes. “Sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” She shut the door silently behind her and she drug her feet all the way back to Jean’s room. Y/n swiped the card lazily, letting herself in and immediately walked straight to the bed and flopped face down.

Minutes later, she was awoken from her half-asleep state to hear someone enter the room behind her. She rolled over languidly to see Jean carrying a bag of takeout in one hand, and a single carton of ice cream in the other. His eyebrows furrowed, but there was a small smirk on his face.

“What have you been up to while I was gone? I haven’t been gone more than 45 minutes.” He chuckled a little and set the food on the desk. Y/n didn’t answer, instead she sat up and stared at his back as he organized dinner across the table.

He’s in love with Mikasa.

“I’m high,” Y/n said obviously. He chuckled again and nodded knowingly. She stood and pulled another chair up to the desk, attempting to recover the happiness she had felt just hours ago and accepting the fact that this was all their relationship would be. Her heart ached dully in her chest as she stole glances of him as he ate, the lines next to his eyes crinkling when he smiled, tongue occasionally darting out to lick his lips. It was all moving in slow motion, her thoughts drifted through her head like molasses. His eyes, caramel in the dim lighting, glided over her smoothly, and the corners of his mouth drew up.

“Are you tired?” He asked softly. Y/n nodded, and Jean stood, leading her to the bed. He pulled back the sheets and she tucked herself underneath. Jean folded the comforter around her and knelt down, face on level with hers.

“Sleep here tonight,” he stated, not asking.

“Okay,” she whispered. She knew she should have gone back to her room. She knew that this would just make everything hard on her in the morning. But at this point, she couldn’t gather the willpower to take care of her future self. She selfishly wanted to pretend just one more night that things were still normal. That things were going to be okay. “Stay with me?”

Jean smiled softly, his eyes droopy with sleep. “Anything for you,” he whispered back, kissing her forehead. He pulled back the sheets again and slid into the sheets next to her, reaching over to click off the lights. She slotted herself under his arm, head against his chest, drifting off to the sound of his rhythmic heartbeat.  

---

April 30th, 2016

The rounded booth they were at was tucked away in the corner of the restaurant, though the din of the room still reverberated around them. Mikasa was sitting next to Eren, her hand on his knee and his arm slung across the back of the bench seat. Y/n sat between her and Jean, with some of the other people from their team filling in the rest. She was attempting to stay involved in the conversation, but she kept drifting back to her own thoughts every few minutes, needing to be called back by someone when she was asked a question.

Since she woke up the morning after she had spoken to (and smoked with) Eren, she tried everything she could to shake her little crush on Jean. She tried focusing on all the weird idiosyncrasies he had, all the gross habits, all the annoying behaviors. The more she looked for these things, however, the more it highlighted the reasons she had fallen for him in the first place. He looked at her and listened when she spoke about things that made her happy or upset. He opened up to her about his dreams and aspirations even when he was embarrassed or bashful about his ideas. He made her laugh until her stomach hurt. And unfortunately, he always seemed to know when something as bothering her, even when she didn’t quite realize it yet.

Because of this, he had been prying her to open up about why she’s been more distant lately, and it broke her heart even more to keep it from him.

But she couldn’t tell him. She could never tell him. Because there was no point; deep down, he wanted someone else.

“Y/n? Did you want to go to that bar after dinner?”

“Hm? Oh, uh, I think I’m just gonna head back to my room actually.”

“Are you feeling alright? You seem really out of it right now,” Armin, their manager asked, concern radiating from his place across the table.

She could really use some of Eren’s weed right now.

“Yeah, I’m good. I’ve just had a headache all day.” Y/n gave a feeble smile and looked back at the spot on the table that she had been staring at zoning out a moment ago. She felt a soft touch grace her left knee and she flinched away, glancing up to meet Mikasa’s gaze. She had retracted her hand like she’d been stung and looked at Y/n with concern.

Y/n’s eyes flicked from hers to Eren’s, who had noticed the subtle exchange. He looked to Mikasa and back to Y/n with wide eyes, trying to silently apologize. Y/n was also trying to preserve her relationship with Mikasa as much as possible, but the betrayal was slowly picking away at the edges and she was struggling to maintain her composure. She felt like she had lost two of the people closest to her all at once and keeping her emotions off her face was sapping the energy quicker than she could handle.

Her face got hot as she realized everyone at the table had noticed what just happened. They continued their conversation out of courtesy, but their glances gave them away. Suddenly the air felt thick and she felt the room closing in on her.

“I need to get up,” she whispered to Jean. He scrunched his eyebrows, concerned, and he put his hand on her back trying to be comforting, but she straightened up, avoiding the contact. “I’m just getting a little overwhelmed, I need some air.”

He waved his hand so the others on the bench seat could let her out. He too slid out of the seat and offer her his hand. She took it briefly to pull herself upright and walked swiftly to the door. She pushed it open with her shoulder, stepping out into the brisk night and shivered. Her breath came out shaky, tears threatening to spill over her lashes. She took some deep breaths and swallowed down the lump in her throat; she wouldn’t let them fall, not tonight.

As she was trying to compose herself to go back inside, she heard the soft bell above the door of the restaurant. Lifting her head, she expected to see Jean there to ask her what was up with her again, but instead it was Armin, concern written on his face.

“Hey, are you sick? I can take you home if you need?” he asked worriedly.

“I can’t do this anymore, Armin.”

“It’s okay, I can take you back right now.’ He motioned to pull the keys to the car out of his pocket.

“No, I mean I have to quit the band.”

He froze. They stood there in the cold staring at each other. Y/n thought saying that would feel like the right answer, but instead it just filled her with more anxiety.

“Let’s talk about this in the car.”

They walked to the SUV in silence, closing the doors behind them to seal away the chill.

“What’s going on Y/n?”

“I just can’t do this anymore Armin.” She tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling of the cab, letting the tears roll back away from the brims of her eyes. She told herself she wouldn’t let them fall tonight.

“What can’t you do anymore? I don’t understand.” She was silent, continuing to stare up.

“Y/n I can’t do anything for you if I don’t know what’s happening,” he repeated gently. Y/n took a big sigh and finally turned to face him.

And then she spilled everything, all the thoughts that have been weighing on her since that night nearly three months ago. Every aching moment she spent with Jean, the betrayal she was desperately trying to ignore, and the futility of her pretending like nothing happened. The tears blurred her vision but remained in place. When she finished, there was a thick pause hanging in the air.  

“I see.” He finally broke the silence. “So, you want out after your last show?”

Y/n nodded.

“Okay. We should tell the others . . .”

“No!” Y/n interrupted, “I can’t tell them. If they know, they’ll try to convince me to stay and I don’t think I have the resolve to say no.”

“So you’re just going to disappear after? Just take off and never tell anyone you we’re leaving?”

“I was going to say goodbye at the show,” Y/n replied meekly. Armin sucked in a small breath.

“You’re going to blindside them then? Right there in front of the entire crowd?”

“I’ve been writing this song,” she whispered. “I think I’ve finally finished it. I was going to play it at the show. I can’t give them the opportunity to talk me out of it, and this will be sort of like my swan song to the fans.”

“What am I supposed to tell the media? What am I supposed to tell the band?”

“Once I’m gone you can tell the band whatever you want. Tell them the truth, an elaborate lie, I don’t care. I just want to be able to leave that show and move on with my life.” She rolled her head to look out the passenger side window. Fog was rolling in as the night deepened.

“You don’t feel like you owe them an explanation?”

Y/n took a deep breath, allowing just one tear to roll down her cheek. “I feel like I owe myself some peace.”

---

May 2nd, 2016

The crowd surged and undulated to the sound of the music coming from the stage. Every eye was on them and girls screamed for the attention of every band member. Two sweaty bras had been thrown on the stage already. This was likely the largest and most energetic crowd they had seen all tour. The audience was riled up for their last event of the circuit; the perfect storm to have one of the most memorable shows of their career.

So why was Jean feeling so uneasy?

He was watching her sing just like he had been doing for the past year or so. The crowd was always captivated by her, even with Eren singing by her side; she buzzed with her own vitality that was hard to take your eyes off of.

Recently, though she seemed to have lost a little bit of her liveliness during her sets. The glow had left her skin, though this was imperceptible to anyone who wasn’t looking, anyone who didn’t know her like he did. Something was wrong, but she faked it well. She had been acting weird the last few months, but when he had tried to ask her if anything was bothering her, she just chalked it up to feeling under the weather. He didn’t believe her, but he wouldn’t push the topic further. In hindsight, he wished he had.

His guitar solo was coming up. She finished her line and he stepped up to play. He looked over, expecting for their eyes to meet on cue, but her gaze never left the crowd. Her expression was muted; there was less life in her eyes than there was before. Jean felt his eyebrows furrow slightly; she had never not looked at him, even since she started acting different. He played on without missing a beat, but his eyes never left her, silently begging for her to just glance at him. Panic rose in his throat; something was definitely wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on exactly why. No one else seemed to notice anything was off and it made every hair on his body stand on end.

As the music faded, Eren thanked the crowd and Jean hit his cue to bow and exit the stage, but instead of walking off behind him, Y/n stepped up to the front of the stage. She spoke slowly into the microphone.

“I actually have a little something I prepared myself planned for one last song.” Y/n finally looked over to him with a small shine gracing the rims of her eyes, smiling halfheartedly. After a little hesitation, Eren and Mikasa stepped across the stage to where Jean was waiting, looking at him questioningly. As if he knew what was going on; he couldn’t get her to open up about anything lately, he wasn’t in on this surprise. She seated herself at the piano.

A slow ballad shuddered from the instrument, her fingers deftly weaving her way through the song. Jean’s eyes never left her as he listened to her tell a story about the dying author saying goodbye to her family. That rising anxiety only sharpened and continued to drag its way through his chest.

Cause’ the hardest part of this, is leaving you.

A cold stab of fear pierced his heart.

He looked to Eren and Mikasa, who hadn’t figured it out yet, confusion thoroughly gracing their faces. They met his eyes, which seemed to confirm all three of their revelations. Jean was frozen in place, looking back to her, breath caught in his throat. He could see now that the glint in her eyes were tears that had escaped her delicate lashes. Jean could feel his own well up in his eyes, but he wiped it away quickly; he was desperate to see every detail of her clearly.

Her beautiful face was strained, and she kept her eyes on the piano. The crowd was oddly silent; not just because they didn’t know the words, but because they were also puzzled about this solo encore. They were enraptured though, every eye and phone camera fixated only on her.

The song came to a head and finally, after holding out all night, she finally gave him that glance he has been feverishly searching for.

Cause’ the hardest part of this, is leaving you.

The song reverberated through the stadium as it faded, and the crowd roared. She held his gaze, sorrow painting her striking features. Jean couldn’t feel his body. It wasn’t until she spoke again that the stadium truly understood what that song meant. She grabbed the mic and turned to face them.

“Thank you all for all the support and the love. Tonight, was my last show. I love you all.” Her voice was strained, but she held it together enough to give a wave as she left the stage. Jean, Eren, and Mikasa stood there dumbfounded as the lights dimmed and the curtain rolled down from the rafters.

Her figure disappeared behind the corner of the stage.

Jean was frozen. I’m too late.

[ava-core]

when i tell you i’m courier six: may brainrot i am MAY brainrot!! more info on her!! (still not the main post on her…i have an entire google document on her with all her stats, backstory and a journal of her journey as i play the game as her)

in the meantime, here’s an OC chart of her (template provided by @vault81 <3)

yeah, par for the course.

some tidbits on this chart i’d like to explain:

of course i blocked out her real name. call me marjorie, but it adds to her mystique…and the fact that no one in the mojave, too, is none the wiser her real name isn’t May Bells? yeah i’m into that. the only person who has an idea is Boone, and that’s because they’re around each other 24/7—enough for him to notice the dogtag around her own neck that’s visible when she sleeps has strange symbols on it (his 3 INT can’t quite reach the fact that it’s mandarin) and he’s pretty sure they all don’t translate into something as short as May Bells.

may also has this strange flirtation going on with the strong, hot-headed women of the NCR: colonel cassandra moore, whose compliments seem…loaded, and corporal betsy, who never misses the opportunity to flirt unabashedly with may (who can never respond, despite usually being quick to reply with a dry or scathing quip). what can she say? she’s got a type. something about tough-around-the-edges soldiers with baggage to carry…oop.

of course boone doesn’t appreciate that. it’s first recon on first recon beef for this less-than-verbally-charming courier who will pick her nose if she knows there’s a booger in it

on that note: her 3 CHR stat and 28 Speech is so fun for me. i usually play as couriers with silver tongues, and may is, at the end of the day, underneath her combat prowess and big brain…just a nerd. just look at that big, fat 9 INT. she knows her way around terminals, science, how a plasma rifle works and how to jury rig that shit. she’s basically a few training modules away from being a certified trauma surgeon. she literally does math problems in pre-War textbooks to destress. she’s also convincing when she needs to be so long as the conversation involves reason and logic. but when she gets flirted with? nope. this girl will NOT respond with anything else than a silent, burning red face or roll of the eyes, depending on how much she likes you.

this aspect is so funny. really. i’m so used to the smooth talkers that i just up and use the failed speech checks for dialogue because i can see may saying them with her rifle in hand, her trigger finger itchy because where her words fail her bullets don’t. (“i came here…for uh…yeah, fuck it, you’re going to die.”)

her tag skills are medicine, science, and unarmed. this surprises no one.

this girl LOVES her sarcasm. growing up in an environment where you had to be kind, calm, and submissive, the freedom to just be a jack shit asshole with your words was a promising proposition may took without a second thought the moment she was in shady sands.

still, when she doesn’t need to talk, she won’t talk. she prefers the company of books, and later in the story, when she grows closer to boone and the rest, she still retains her fondness for silence—she bonds with others by being silent together.

while she might seem like an average grizzled merc with her mask and the scars and bullets around her body, not to mention her terrifying presence perk, she’s actually quite forgiving. it ties into her natural tendency towards compassion, no matter how hard she tried to suppress it; hell, remember her father, who murdered almost all of his entire family? may remains conflicted about that, and despite his abuse of her and her siblings, there are times where she remembers him fondly and often honors his memory alongside the other deceased members of her family.

it’s her recognition of the complexity of these relationships and how they tie in together that make her more empathetic of the people in the mojave. she knows everyone around her’s got their own burdens; if they’re not doing anything to actively shit on you, why add to that, right?

may spends a lot of her time thinking. she’s always pensive, always wondering, thoughts swirling around in her head, the entire opposite of head empty. may head full. too full. always full.

also, yes, she’s superstitious. somewhat, as i indicate, because she’s not above dismissing some Shi rites she deems irrelevant entirely—but some centered around karma and the value of the soul, she upholds. an example is, again, her effort to respect the dead civilians she encounters in travel. a broc flower here, a silent prayer there. if no repose is to be found in this life, it was the least she could do to at least wish for them to find it in the next one.

MAY BELLS i love you…my nerdy, awkward, sarcastic little courier six…playing fnv as you is the highlight of a very difficult week <//3

also if she was exposed to modern music, she’d probably love my chemical romance, fall out boy, green day and the smashing pumpkins. you can already imagine what kind of person she’d be…that emo-punk eyeliner phase LMFAO

so…one more song for the road, one i know may would have as a favorite.

[allnightlongzine]

Finding Love in Mall Goth Purgatory

"I will ride for My Chemical Romance to the grave, because, from 2002 to 2012, they rode for both you and me."

Horror Movie Marathon | September 26, 2018 | talkhouse.com

On October 16, 2005, my sister and I put on our eyeliner, slid into our mall-goth armor, and drove an hour north to Hartford, Connecticut to see My Chemical Romance for what would be our first time of many. It was still a year before their magnum opus, The Black Parade, was to be released. When the lights came down and the show began, a spotlight emerged at the center of the stage, illuminating only a microphone stand ornamented with a bouquet of dead roses. Gerard Way, the band’s flamboyantly morbid ringleader, stepped out of the stage’s dark abyss looking like a corpse priest, adorned in heavy white makeup and full-on church robes. The band opened with “Interlude,” going right into “Thank You For The Venom.” If you’re an MCR fan, you know how fucking sick of an opener this is. My life changed forever after this concert.

Do you have any idea how satisfying it feels to look a DIY-hipster-judge in the eyes and tell them, in all honesty, that in 2018 your favorite band is still My Chemical Romance? You can learn a lot about someone by their reaction to such an admission. Perhaps such a statement makes me an obnoxious judge in my own right, but the truth is, I will ride for MCR to the grave, because, from 2002 to 2012, they rode for both you and me.

MCR, in all their macabre glory, were unwaveringly dedicated to an ethos of inclusivity and honesty, love and compassion, death and rebirth—the kind of virtuosity that was frowned upon in the popular music of 2005, yet now celebrated in 2018. They flew their freak flag high and encouraged others to do the same, all at a time when that breed of non-judgmental sincerity was viewed as sin by every taste-making music critic in an Animal Collective t-shirt. Now, in 2018, I find myself a 26-year-old musician who has been deeply influenced by their music and message, getting into one intoxicated conversation after another, hoping to spread the gothic gospel of MCR to the remaining non-believers.

When MCR played live, their dedication to the audience was palpable. Like an explosion of wicked cats jumping out of a witch’s cauldron, each band member would erupt with raw energy to give an over-the-top performance of catchy goth punk songs. I believe one of the reasons MCR has retained such a loyal and dedicated fan base is because their wildly emotional performances never felt like a façade; they were keenly aware that it was a privilege to be on stage, and this cognizance of respect manifested itself through the messages of love encoded in their songs and live performances.

This respect for their audience was also evident in Way’s interviews and onstage monologues regarding mental health, accepting other people for who they are, and the hypocrisies of masculinity. Throughout the press surrounding both their major label debut Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge and The Black Parade, Way candidly discussed his struggles with depression and addiction, and his hope that their music could help save other people’s lives as it did his. MCR were always vocal that they wanted their music to save people, which admittedly sounds cheesy at first, but it’s a pretty admirable statement when you know that the majority of the band’s fan base were depressed kids experiencing the world from suburban mall goth purgatory.  

The band has earned such respect from their diehard fans that even they don’t want a reunion, unless the band feels that it’s right. As seen in the article recently published by Noisey about MCR’s still very active fan base, some even go so far to say that the band reuniting would be antithetical to their message of death and rebirth, and the positivity of change therein. Literally, how many international superstar bands have fans that are this aware and respectful of the complex relationship band members can have to their music and the message it projects? Most fans of world famous rock bands will sound off in the YouTube comments section with blustery statements of aggravation and entitlement, demanding a reunion show or a new album. But MCR fans? They prefer the band stay broken up because they want to respect the band as much as the band respected them.

Very few of MCR’s peers from the mid-‘00s gave or earned the kind of respect from their fans that MCR did. Rather, many bands that tried to align with MCR’s message and image were essentially selling counterfeit emotion in the form of trendy Hot Topic t-shirt designs, insincere stage antics, and utterly benign, and frequently misogynistic, pop music. In 2018, it is sheer fact that many of those bands were full of shit and exploited the vulnerability that their scene implied to enact gross and predatory behavior.

This is one reason why taste-making machines like Pitchfork and BrooklynVegan were justified in ignoring and condescending the mid-’00s emo cesspool as it germinated throughout malls and low-capacity venues across the country. However, that’s not to say the overly-abstracted, pseudo-intellectual ramblings of mid-’00s Pitchfork hype bands weren’t totally absurd and problematic in their own right. Both music scenes postured a kind of moral code through songs, images, and fashion that signified a certain perspective towards culture and its problems at the moment. But, the reality is that bands from both scenes hardly ever posited their morals or virtues unless the sign of the times directly requested it from them.

This was not the case for MCR. They were just a band of five dudes from New Jersey, but they vehemently promoted equal rights on- and off-stage. Their pop-gothic world of vampires and ghosts, octave slides, and tri-tonal harmony always served a greater message at hand. Their comic book and horror movie-influenced narratives always represented a power in owning the trauma of the past and moving forward towards hope. In being themselves and helping others be themselves, MCR transcended both the hip arena of art-rock coolness and the sewage of Warped Tour residue, flying high in the black sky as one of the greatest rock bands of our time.

Now, it’s 2018. The lot of mid-‘00s hipsters and scenesters has mostly evaporated and come back as other representations. Most of the members of MCR are parents and focus on their own projects: Gerard Way is about to launch a Netflix show based on his comic book series The Umbrella Academy; Mikey Way has been performing as a voice actor; Frank Iero has a punk band that records and tours; and Ray Toro is helping other musicians shred to hell and back as a producer and engineer in his New Jersey studio.

For me, and many fans like me, I am no longer just a fawning teen, but a 26-year-old musician. I use the passion, conviction, and love I learned from MCR as fuel for my own project, Horror Movie Marathon. Very few of the people I collaborate with or know are big fans of My Chemical Romance. Sometimes, people will tell me one of my songs reminds them of this pop group or that folk artist, which is usually very accurate—I essentially make pop-folk music. My admission of MCR’s influence on my music will either be met with a resounding “Hell yeah, ‘Helena’ is tight,” or a recoil and a facial expression that says, “I wish I didn’t just give you the honor of comparing your music to Jon Brion.”

I can’t hide my love for the band, and why would I? Their songs meditate on the horrific beauty of tragedy, and in the tradition of true tragic storytelling, there’s always a viscerally moving message gleaming through the metaphoric language. MCR worked their asses off to make those messages as potent as possible; it was an energy you could hear in their songs and see in their live performances. Through all the morbid metaphors, spooky stories, and dazzling stylizations was an indestructible foundation of love and gratitude for the life-saving spirit of music. Even though the externalities of my music don’t resemble MCR’s very much, their message of love and respect will forever influence the core of what I create.

[lsdunesarchive]

L.S. Dunes were a lifeline during the pandemic for five best friends, no ego included

Photo by Ryan Bakerink Words by Alessandro DeCaro November 18, 2022

When L.S. Dunes released their frenetic debut single "Permanent Rebellion" this past August, they set the internet ablaze, resulting in an online frenzy, and for good reason. In the midst of the surprise drop, L.S. Dunes’ star-studded scene lineup was revealed to feature Anthony Green (Circa Survive, Saosin), Frank Iero (My Chemical Romance), Travis Stever (Coheed and Cambria) and Tucker Rule and Tim Payne (Thursday). If that wasn’t enough, they threw in the announcement of their debut LP, Past Lives — a staggering collection of progressive-rock and post-hardcore songs that capture a radiating sense of punk urgency. If you were a rabid consumer of post-hardcore, emo and punk music throughout the last 20 years, chances are each member of L.S. Dunes’ own respective projects affected you in one way or another, and for the five influential figures to come together to form a supergroup is certainly a treat in every sense of the word. And for L.S. Dunes, the feeling is mutual.

Formed during the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic, L.S. Dunes were an opportunity more than anything to defy creative and professional stagnation imposed by acts of nature out of their control, showing that anything is possible through strength in numbers. “We’re all very big champions and fans of one another,” Rule says over Zoom from his New Jersey home, reflecting on the genesis of his new band he formed with his close friends and collaborators. “Everyone who is in this project is our personal favorite at each instrument. The times were heavy with COVID and lockdowns, but when Anthony came in and laid down the first set of vocals, we knew this was going to be the shit.” With the touring industry on hold, all five of the self-proclaimed “lifers” or “road dogs” knew they had to lean into one thing they knew best: creating groundbreaking music. “We were faced with losing our jobs, but we said, 'Fuck it, let’s create another job,'” Rule exclaims. 

Read more: The best punk albums of 2006, from My Chemical Romance to +44

Having extra time at home during the pandemic was pivotal for the five members to grow as musicians and friends, all while pushing their creative skills to new heights and breaking free from any imposed artistic limitations. “I saw this as an opportunity to experiment and do different stuff with my voice,” Green says with a grin on his face. “I wasn’t thinking about anything other than fun. I didn’t know how much I needed [L.S. Dunes].” For Green, music has always been a form of “therapy,” and this time around, he used the writing process for Past Lives as a means to “process things he was going through in his life,” channeled through the vehicle of “melodies, lyrics and poetry." 

”[This band] was a place of solace for me and, in some ways, a gift. I’ve been wanting a band that sounds like this for such a long time,” Green explains. Iero felt similarly. “L.S. Dunes is unlike any band I’ve ever been in before. [With the pandemic], life stopped, and you had a bunch of people who really only knew how to do one thing, and then you’re told you can’t even do it anymore. Depression sinks in, and you get scared and wonder what the future is going to hold,” he adds. L.S. Dunes were a lifeline for the band that came with no ego.

While piecing the music together for Past Lives remotely, there was somewhat of a healthy competition, or an impulse if you will, for each member to bring their A-game and leave their unique mark on each track. It's clear that the members of L.S. Dunes wanted to impress each other constantly and be the best friends possible to lean on both musically and personally, with Iero saying, “No one in this band is a slouch. They're all accomplished musicians, so it really pushed you to want to do more. There were no rules other than to push yourself out of your comfort zone."

During the early writing process, Green was dealing with self-esteem issues and the all-too-familiar impostor syndrome from the effect of the pandemic on his career, something he knew he would need to shake to make this record. Thankfully, the process of building L.S. Dunes from the ground up left him with a healthier mindset and a sense of rejuvenation. 

“I was having a tough time seeing through the trees. I went down this horribly self-destructive mentality where I thought I sucked, was never good and what I did never mattered. These are all real things that people go through, but Tucker, Travis, Frank and Tim helped me realize what was important, “ Green says. “It’s not about being the biggest band in the world; it’s about having people that care about you — that in and of itself is more than a lot of people can ask for in this world. To build something tangible with these people was such a joyous experience.” 

Once principal songwriting for the record was completed, the band enlisted esteemed producer Will Yip(Turnstile, Turnover) to help fully realize their vision and put their joint labor of love to tape. “Will Yip is this generation’s Rick Rubin,” Green says. “He’s never trying to make a song that is going to be a hit — he’s just trying to find what will make you happy as an artist." However, this wasn't without its fair share of hiccups, specifically for Iero, who was in the midst of a difficult medical situation. “I fell off a ladder at the end of the summer and was scheduled to record in September, so we had to put my studio time off until December,” Iero says when looking back at this hectic time period.

“I was three weeks past my last surgery when I broke my wrist, so I still had some stitches in my hand when recording the record. I literally didn’t know if I was ever going to play guitar again,” he stresses. While Iero had his fair share of fears going into the recording process, he chose to instead treat the studio sessions as a “test” to see if he could still play, and miraculously, he passed with flying colors. “For me, it was a do-or-die moment [to make this record],” Iero says. Rule summarizes this period by saying, “We captured and controlled the chaos and bottled it into this whole insane process.” Knowing what it took to create Past Lives only adds further weight to the album as a whole and will forever be immortalized as a tale of perseverance, friendship and survival. 

After the record was completed, the band, who had only practiced together twice in the same room, agreed to jump on for a mid-day performance slot at this past September’s Riot Fest in Chicago — a daunting experience for any performer but especially for a highly anticipated first show. “Tucker really thought no one was going to watch us, and I was like, 'I would love it if nobody was there!' [Laughs.] I was really nervous about how my body was going to move to the songs," Green says of his preshow jitters. “Every day leading up to the show, I would put my headphones on and listen to the set and creatively visualize the show happening by imagining me seeing how it would play out. Thankfully, when I finally got onstage, my body moved exactly in the way that it is comfortable.” 

Iero had even more on his plate, as his other band My Chemical Romance were headlining the festival later that night, and pulling double duty wasn't how he envisioned L.S. Dunes' debut live show. “This was not the position you would want to be in. For your first show to be a throw and go outside at a festival, it’s like, 'Oh man, if I could set up a nightmare scenario, then there it is.' However, it sounded great, it felt great and there were way more people than I ever thought there would be. It was the perfect storm," Iero says with relief. 

With Past Lives officially out in the world, one thing's for certain: This isn't a one-and-done deal for the band. “I want to stress this as much as possible: This is not a supergroup or a side project,” Rule says. "This is our full-time thing. We have our own bands and will continue to do them, but we love this, too. The only reason this band is a supergroup is that we’re all super-buds.” Green expands on this, saying he wants to write “a hundred more records and tour more.” He even went as far as to reveal that the band have already begun work on what will become their next record. “I truly feel that this [record] is the best thing I can do at this point in my life, and I have never gotten sick of it every time I listen to it,“ Iero says with sincerity. “I love the people in this band and the songs that we made. This is something that I want to do as much as I can full time.”

[lnights]

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

First off I'm sorry it has taken me this long to share my gig experience with you (I know I sent you an ask a few weeks ago asking if I could share it).

Me and one of my parents went to see two groups (who were touring together) one called Epica (Danish band) and the other called Apocalyptica (Finnish band). If you haven't heard of them I highly recommend checking them out.

They were both so fucking amazing live........

Both bands looked like they were having fun and enjoying themselves.

Also the amount of hair swishing while playing cellos.....like how do you do that and not get your hair tangled up in the strings.

Also one of the cellists was rocking out and almost lay on the floor on his back while still playing.....think they were playing a cover of a Metallica song when this happened. Also two of the cellists also had a thing about lifting the cellos up (I don't just mean a little bit of the ground) while still playing/rocking out.

Also we ended up chatting to this couple that we stood next two in-between the acts. They had seen Apocalyptica a few times before, had seen bring the horizon live, the ramus live and my chemical romance just before they broke up. They asked me who was on my bucket list to see and I did say my chemical romance and bring me the horizon and another band, but I can't remember who it was.....

One last thing, I really wish I was someone who didn't develop crushes quickly. It is slightly irritating because I'll be honest I didn't have a crush on any of them until I watched this one music video (music video is called I don't care by Apocalyptica) of theirs.........started to develop crush on two of the members because of two different scenes 1) seeing the way two of them just stared at each other and 2) the way one of them just stared into the camera at two different points......After I watched it I just remembered thinking 'ahhhhh shit here we go again'. Because I knew I was developing a crush on them I made a point of trying not to watch any more of their music videos for a while - still continued to listen to there music. I managed not to watch anymore of their videos.....but then I saw them live and now I just have to accept my fate. I now have a small crush on two Finnish people who are in their mid to late forties.......

Also I will probably send you another ask if okay about something about work which nearly made me cry - but in a good way.

Hi hi!

I actually do know Apocalyptica because Samy has sang with them and Into Eternity is one of my favorite LS songs!

I'm glad it was such a good show!

I mean crushes are normal here in Tumblr I think 😂 you're in good company I'm sure.

And please send any asks you want

[leelee120000]

Looking Back On: My Chemical Romance, “Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys”

July 2, 2020

“Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys” is next to be discussed. I should start this section by apologizing for breaking the Clarion’s “no more articles about My Chemical Romance” rule. It wasn’t going to survive with me around. I’ve written here before about how my friend Mag really dragged me into the emo scene in 2011. 

“Danger Days,” my MCR album of choice, simply must be included in this article. First and foremost, “Danger Days” and the podcast “Welcome To Night Vale” are the two major things that inspired me to be a radio DJ throughout high school. That choice has impacted my life in so many ways that it’s not even funny. The album is amazing; comic books, apocalypse and anti-capitalism fit so well together. 

I won’t focus on the comics as they take place 10 years after the album. Dr. Death-Defying’s intro in “Na Na Na” is hands down the best intro to an album ever. It accomplishes more world-building and tone-setting than most full books in just a few sentences. 

The song blasts us into the world of the Killjoys (the rebels fighting for freedom in the story, who are personified as the band members) so well. It sets the immediate goal of saving The Girl from the evil Korse who kidnaps her at the end of the song. “Bulletproof Heart” is so romantic and such a powerful song. 

“SING” gets a lot of crap for being ‘too poppy’ for “Danger Days” but I disagree. The music video follows the Killjoys breaking into the evil BL/ind organization to save The Girl from Korse. A struggle ensues in which they all die; however, they do succeed in saving her. 

The rest of the album takes place before the kidnapping and deaths. “Planetary (GO!)” is a party song with its poetic lyrics about the folly of fame contributing to the song’s dance party concept. 

“The Only Hope For Me is You” has an intro that feels like a hazy dream as the synth sweeps up the song. It is a power ballad and highlights the war (the Analog War, according to the comics) that the characters are fighting, with constant mentions of guns and bombs. The song shows that the Killjoys have nothing left but each other. 

“Jet-Star and the Kobra Kid / Traffic Report” adds so much to the world. Are they dead? Who knows! Keep listening to find out! 

“Party Poison” is such a good rock introduction to the chaotic character of Party Poison. It starts with a clip of the character talking about bombing since, according to him, life’s too short not to fight. There’s a reason that he’s the leader of the rebellion in this war. “Save Yourself (I’ll Hold them Back)” is a good sneak peek at what the Killjoys will become. 

“S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W” feels like a lullaby to The Girl. I should explain a little more about her character here.  The Girl is nameless. When the Killjoys took her in, they didn’t want to give her a name but let her decide for herself. She’s the main protagonist of the comics. 

“Summertime” feels like a somber prequel to “Bulletproof Heart,” like love before the war. “Destroya” takes us right back to speed. A duet between Gerard and Frank, the song includes moaning, which makes this the most awkward song to play out loud. However, it adds to the story. 

“The Kids From Yesterday” has a music video consisting of footage from MCR’s last tour, but I feel like the song is the Killjoys coming to terms with the fact that they’re gonna die.

“Goodnight, Dr. Death” is the official end of the album, where the titular Doctor is murdered as the national anthem plays. The last song is “Vampire Money,” which was written as a response to people asking Gerard to be in “Twilight.”

LeAnne McPherson

[skippitydippity]

there is no constant sense of self. find me one time that the human experience has been consistent - emotionally, psychically, mentally. everything humans do is temporary, for all of our lives. that's how it is.

the most important and influential people (teachers, family, adults) telling me, in middle school (the worst years of my life and that is not a joke), all of my interests are just a passing fad, an emo phase? of course I'm going to idolize the musicians who make me feel like me, the musicians who make me process complex emotions to realize what i enjoy and do not enjoy.

"emo phase" is just another phrase to make people feel shitty, because god forbid those cringy kids have an interest, like fortnite or mcr or something. because kids totally aren't people and don't deserve the exact same amount of respect as adults.

there is no time in human history that we have been "constant" and the phrase emo phase exists solely to make people feel ashamed for their interests

[lsdunesarchive]

Transcript under the cut

INTERVIEW WITH DRUMMER TUCKER RULE, VOCALIST ANTHONY GREEN, AND GUITARIST FRANK IERO BY TOM OSMAN

"It literally feels like I'm 18 again,

to be honest with you," says Tucker Rule, drummer for L.S. Dunes, as the band gear up to release their debut album, Past Lives, on November 11 on Fantasy Records. Just a day or two before Tucker and his bandmates – Anthony Green, vocaIs; Frank Iero, guitar; Travis Stever, guitar; and Tim Payne, bass – had played their first concert together at Chicago's Riot Fest.

Having only had a handful of practice sessions together, the bandmates didn't know what to expect. As lero puts it, "When you have a new band, and your first show is outdoors, at a festival, people only know one of your songs, and you're on at 1 p.m... expectations aren't always the best."

They needn't have worried.

"It was honestly kind of amazing," says Rule. Green is similarly enthusiastic. "It felt like we had been a band for 100 years, and everybody just felt in the pocket completely." Iero chimed in, saying, "all expectations and pipe dream wishes were exceeded, 1,000%."

These observations are not those of giddy teenagers getting their first taste of the spotlight. Iero and his bandmates are seasoned musicians. Their shared credits include My Chemical Romance Thursday, Circa Survive, Saosin, and Coheed and Cambria – but there's a shared sense or excitement in this new project. lero compares it to being in hIs first high school band, while Rule describes them as "feeling kinda reborn."

All the members of the band have ongoing band commitments outside of L.S. Dunes. For Rule, this is not an obstacle, but rather something to relish. "In music, success is not necessarily measured by dollar amount," he reflects, "but by how much you're working." And indeed Tucker, lero, Green, and bassist Tim Payne all had various other live commitments around or during the Riot Fest weekend.

Green credits having children with sharpening his time management. "I'd argue that I get more done now with less time than I did with all the time in the world," he says. While Rule admits it's hard having so many schedules, he loves performing and making music – as do his bandmates. That's why we started this band." he says.

It was Rule who started the project of putting the band and album together. "It's kind of like my baby," as he puts it, though he emphasizes the band being a truly collaborative effort, with everyone having equal input. Iero has a similar take, describing his bandmates as "incredibly selfless and willing to adjust or edit in order to make the best songs."

Just as important, it seems, is a shared sense of fun and enjoying the ride. While Rule won't give away the meaning behind the band's name, he does give an insight into the mentality of the band, revealing their shared joke that the L.S. in L.S. Dunes stands for "low stress" – Though fans are left to speculate for themselves the real meaning behind the name.

The process of making the album started out remotely due to COVID restrictions–a process unlike anything the members had done before. The closest comparison Iero can find is when he made his solo record, Stomachaches, which he mostly recorded in his basement. Despite these isolated working conditions, the sense of low stress and enjoyment comes out in Rule's memories of that time. "Every day was like a holiday morning of getting a riff or getting a song or hearing Anthony's vocals. It really kind of zaps me back exactly to that time when music was brand new to us," he says.

The opportunity to collaborate was especially vital for Green, who was feeling "creatively lonely" at the time Rule called him, and he snapped up the chance to get involved in the project. That call was like his "prayers being answered."

There's a palpable sense of camaraderie and mutual appreciation between the members of the group, with Rule, Green, and lero all speaking in glowing terms of each other and their other bandmates, guitarist Stever and bassist Payne.

lero reserves his highest praise for Green, describing the vocalist as "fearless as anyone I have ever had the pleasure of working with," and of Green's performance on the forthcoming record Iero says, "I really feel like Anthony is at his finest to date."

To hear Green talk about his place in the band, you might think he was an untested young vocalist being given his first big break. "I can't believe I got asked to be in the band," he says, invoking the great vocalists of My Chemical Romance, Coheed and Cambria, and Thursday that his bandmates have worked with as though he were not fit to be spoken of in the same breath. For Iero, though, "There really was no one else in our heads to be the singer of this band."

"There's so much great, inspiring music by people who are fearless," says Green, listing influences from Björk, to Thom Yorke, to Nick Cave. "I just soak up inspiration from everybody that gives me chills like that." By Iero's account, Green could just as well be describing his own performance on Past Lives. As he comments, "There's a lot of riffing happening on some of these songs, and that fucking guy was never scared to sing over any of it!"

Cedric Bixler-Zavala – of Mars Volta and At The Drive In – was a particularly important influence for Green on the forthcoming album, not just in terms of his vocal style, but the way he "allows his body to move and flow with the music," throwing himself – sometimes literally – into the songs. Green describes his performance overall as "somewhere between him (Bixler-Zavala) and (vocalist and songwriter Leslie) Feist."

Green is not only open about his inspirations, but also the difficulties he's had to overcome in recent times. He describes a heroin relapse from a couple of years ago after being clean for several years. "I went on a run that ended up in me overdosing and dying," he remembers. After getting clean again, Green stayed sober, but that wasn't the end of his troubles. "I was also just miserable," he says, as he struggled with mental health issues throughout the pandemic.

Despite the lift the L.S. Dunes project gave him, Green continued to struggle. "Almost in a suicidal way, I relapsed again during the writing process of the Dunes record," he says. "It ended a bunch of personal relationships, and it was a big wake-up call for me."

Green realized that he had to start taking control of his mental health. Fortunately, his band mates were fully supportive, providing him with "nothing but love and appreciation and acceptance," he says.

Unsurprisingly, a lot of Green's personal struggles found their way into his lyrics on Past Lives. Though he poetically represented many of the painful sensations in a way that gave him emotional distance, it wasn't always possible. "There are some songs where it's very difficult to sing an emote and get inside them without getting put through the ringer," he says.

Overall, though, there's no doubt of the positive impact making and performing music provides Green and the rest of the band. "It's just something I need to do in order to survive," says Iero. "It makes me a better man, a better father, a better husband, and a better human."

Issue 64 New Noise Magazine L.S. Dunes interview by Tom Osman