#me when im itchy and red touching anything

[sillycyan]

ITCHES MY SKIN OFF BECAUSE MY DAD PASSED DOWN HIS SKIN PROBLEMS TO ME !/!/!/?/ ITCHES SO HARD

[dommelody]

cw:male!reader,18+,hawks in heat

enjoy ur stay ~ ♡

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧♧♧♤♤♤°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

have you ever imagined hawks being in heat ?♡ because i did aloot !

hawks while in heat will seek your touch every second of the day . he will try to push you on the bed and do it his way, since he can't control himself . he's too impatient and needy . he will start kissing you roughly as if he's trying to eat u alive♡ he won't give u the opportunity to breath the only way to break the kiss is when he needs air . hawks loves kissing and when i say kissing he loves kissing every inch of your body ♡.

he will start kissing your neck while touching your ears with his warm hand, then will go his way down to your chest . he will nibble ,kiss and suck on them as hard as he can while he is panting hardly he looks at you with those piercing eyes filled with need and lust .

but just wait ? u think u will just let him have his way with u ? not in a million years. because here starts the fun.

tie his hands behind his back with a necktie and start licking and sucking his nipples above his clothes getting them to harden thru the shirt look at him trying to untie the tie♡. moving left and right and with each movement his wet shirt passes shivers to his nipples, they start getting itchy seeking for more attention.

"y/n hngg- , please please please touch me! ill be a good boy i'll indure it so good so please ahhn-"

u interrupted him with a deep kiss making his eyes roll back from the intense makeout while kissing him u were squeezing his nipples and pulling them then going in a circular motion♡.

-if anything hawks's nipples became sensitive because of u -

as u teased his nipples u started jerking him off while his underwear still on seeing the straps of precum gathering at the base of his clothed cock looked so lewd and sexy ♡♡.

when u purposely slowed the pase of ur hand hawks starts humping ur hand shamelessly moving his hips roughly seeking for the slightest fractions.

"y-y/nnn , please please hngg-i -i wanna cum so fucking bad pleaase"

as soon as u noticed that he's about to cum u moved ur hand away and went ur way feeling his juicy ass . not wasting a second u pushed three fingers at once inside since he was already soaking wet because of his heat . as soon as u found his sweet spot u started abusing it repeatedly and made him cum only with ur fingers♡.

and not giving him the chance to rest u pushed ur dick in him and started to fuck him so hard that the room was filled with his lewd moans. fucking him from behind while grabbing his tied hands.

"look at u, even tho ur supposed to be a mighty and a prideful hero yet ure a moaning mess under me now♡. have u ever thought of what others will say if they saw u in this state ? eyes rolled back, lewd tongue out, red face and this ass of urs that dont want to let my dick get away .this birdie over here needs some discipline don't he ?"

as u finished ur sentence u pushed him down the bed on his stomach and kept fucking him as if u were trying to breed this birdie ♡♡

room was filled with the lewd noises of ur cock slapping on his asscheeks♡.

as u were close ,hawks was already cumming for the fifth time ,all that came out from his cock now was only transparent liquid .

"y/n ahng-♡ please give me ur seed, breed me like the good submissive boy I'm ♡ i need u to cum inside pleaase"

"thats out of question baby bird ♡ . im going to fill u up so much that u might get pregnant♡ "

as u fastened the pace hawks kept moaning ur name . as u cum inside ,u stayed in him for a while as he told u not to pull out fast .it makes him feel comfortable being one with u♡ .

-after some minutes u carried him to the bath room and bathed him because u drained him out from that intense intimate session u had then u slept next to him with one arm around him and the other caressing his hair while his wings went around u and helding u in their warmth as a sign of feeling secure and safe in ur presence ♡♡

even tho in his heat hawks gets tense and super needy but its the period when he needs u the most and u're always right there in time for him ♡♡-

end♡

[forlorn-crows]

Oh Crow, may I humbly submit a ficlet request? Please, please, please could I please have a ficlet about Mountain shedding his antlers. -Ghoulette Anon

@ghouletteanon it has become apparent to me that every time im sad, i write about creechur mountain being sad. hmmm, will i ever unpack that?

Every year, without fail. He should know what to expect by now, but every time it’s like pulling teeth. Shedding almost adds insult to injury, always immediately following the earth ghoul’s seasonal (usually taxing) rut. It starts with a dull ache that radiates from the base of his horns all the way through to his temples. Much like a headache that refuses to ebb, it’s a steady pressure that blooms at any time of day and doesn’t stop until the shed is over. After a few days, the itching starts—sharp and insistent, a need barely satiated even by the deepest reach of quintessence. The sensation nearly drove him insane the very first time and had him pressing his horns to the stone abbey walls until the sound of cracking marrow filled his ears. He was inconsolable the moment he saw himself in the reflection of the nearby window panes, eyes wild and red-rimmed, hair knotted around the bases of two freshly-shorn off horns. He looked bald, for lack of a better term. Juvenile. Wrong. 

Mountain’s used to it now, after many years. Even with the playful teasing from his packmates. He admits he does look a little funny until the regrowth starts. It’s all worth it when he gets their undivided attention when the velvet forms, the soft and addicting texture keeping them coming back to pet and caress him, rubbing their cheeks against his horns like kittens.

This shed though? This shed has him wanting to flee to the woods and never come back. Immediately within the first forty-eight hours, his right horn dropped. Which would be a relief if the pain hadn’t migrated to the left and lingered, the damned thing refusing to drop for three days. It’s the fourth day now, and Mountain sits slumped over at the kitchen counter, throbbing head buried in his arms. The cool of the granite helps some, but the itching sensation makes his ears twitch and his claws dig into his own arms. 

“Are we still a unicorn today, big guy?” Dew’s voice is surprisingly quiet, but grating nonetheless.

“Leave me alone,” Mountain groans, tightening the grip of his arms around his ears. Thankfully, there’s no retort from the fire ghoul. Mountain grumbles through another wave of itchiness, fighting the urge to grind his forehead into the edge of the counter. 

“Do you want coffee or tea or anything?” Dew asks softly somewhere in front of his head. He hears the little ghoul rummage around in the cabinets, followed by the clink of two mugs being set on the counter. 

Mountain shifts his head slightly to peek at him over his arm. Dew looks at him expectantly, but not impatiently. If he squints hard enough, he can see the concern start to furrow his brow. “Tea,” he rasps. Dew doesn’t have to ask what kind, he knows. 

“‘Kay,” he says easily. He fills one of the mugs with water, a chunky beige one that Mountain frequently uses. Dew plucks a teabag from the tin, the scent of orange peel and chai already wafting over. 

Mountain hums approvingly, but the sound quickly becomes another groan as the itching sensation grows. His ears pin back low and he grabs frustratingly at his scalp. 

“Can I help?” Dew asks in a small voice.

“Don’t touch me,” Mountain snaps. He immediately regrets it, seeing the way the fire ghoul flinches. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay,” Dew reassures him. “You’re hurting.” He reaches out his hands across the counter, palms up, beckoning Mountain to inch forward. The earth ghoul lifts his head with great difficulty and shuffles close enough for Dew to take his head in his hands. Mountain winces when his fingers roam his face and move towards the base of his horns. 

Dew traces the outline of the one already shorn. “Does this one hurt?” Mountain makes a noise in the back of his throat, not daring to shake his head no. “Just this one then,” Dew answers for him. 

“Yeah. Kinda want to just yank it off at this point,” Mountain says sadly. The fire ghoul frames the base of the still-attached horn with both of his hands, pressing feather-light. A slow bloom of warmth begins to radiate from his fingertips, seeping right into his skull beneath the pedicle. 

“Oh,” Mountain chokes out; the heat relieves the gnawing itch almost immediately, leaving only hints of a dull irritation. He has to catch his head in his own hands, the weight of it increasing ten-fold as his eyelids droop with the sudden onslaught of relief. “That is . . . so much better,” the earth ghoul practically purrs, tipping his head further into Dew’s hands. 

“I’m glad,” Dew smiles. He removes one of his hands briefly to slide the mug in front of Mountain, dropping the tea bag in and wrapping his hands around the pottery. The earth ghoul trills happily when the smell of simmering spices fill his nostrils, Dew’s fire quickly bringing the brew to life. Steam soon caresses his face, bringing with it its relaxing aroma. 

Dew shifts the mug slightly closer and removes his hand. “Don’t faceplant into it,” he teases. He moves to take his other hand from Mountain’s head, but the taller ghoul lets out a low growl in protest. “Okay, okay,” Dew laughs, “a little longer.”

[ankhisms]

ok one lovely person said they wanted to read the writing practice i mentioned being tentative about sharing so here <3 i have some notes and thoughts as well included. since the dont reblog function is still broken pls dont rb this thanks

as a disclaimer i am very rusty with prose which is why im trying to practice it at all since ive mainly been writing poetry and not any prose for the past few years since i felt discouraged about writing prose but now im trying to get myself to practice again. also one thing im aware of is that i have a tendency to accidentally switch between tenses so if you notice that yes i know its something im working on. also both of these arent finished they have gaps between action and thoughts which ive noted in the text

for this first one i havent written the beginning establishing the setting and everything but the premise is hiromu has a dream where he and enter are sitting at a cafe in paris and shenanagins ensue. well not really shenanagins its just a conversation i think their dynamic is interesting and i wanted to explore it in a more neutral not battle related setting so thats why i wrote this

---

(beginning and descriptions of surrounding add here)

hiromus narrows his eyes, "did you hack into my dreams?"

this causes enter to scoff, "really, red buster, you wound me," he rests his chin against his palm and explains, "i havent hacked into anything. you called me here."

"thats ridiculous," says hiromu, blunt even when sleeping.

enter smiles, "oui, ridiculous, perhaps,  but it is true none the less. it would be rude of me to refuse an invitation, dont you agree?" he pauses, and leans over the table to add, "besides, i wouldnt lie to you- at least not here."

hiromu doesnt like that one bit, nor does he believe anything enter could possibly say. still, its not as if enter had invaded his subconciousness and just started torturing him with computer cables. compared to the more avian related nightmares hiromu had, this was pretty tame.

he briefly tries to recall anything he could have possibly read before, even in passing, about how to wake yourself up from a dream. unfortunately for hiromu the only thing that comes to mind is how to wake up a buddyroid from sleep mode. too bad he doesnt just have some kind of power switch like nick or usada. but maybe something similar to that could work, some kind of jolt to his system. people pinch themselves when theyre dreaming, right? or was it something about holding your breath? hiromu cant remember which one is supposed to work, so with a deep inhale he starts pinching his arms.

to enters credit, he doesnt immediately laugh like a madman upon seeing hiromus cheeks puffed out while he frantically pinches his arms. the most he lets out is a quick snort, before reaching over the table to pat hiromus cheek, "your manners are awful," enter says, "weve only just said hello and youre already trying to wake up. you cant possibly hate me that much, mon cher."

the hand against his cheek is warm. of course, most peoples hands should logically be warm to touch, but not enters. the projection of a human shouldnt be warm. did jin ever feel warm? hiromu doesnt feel keen about playing back all the moments during battle when enter had gotten close enough to possibly feel some kind of heat. thus, thinking about his avatar team mate is the better option. except he cant recall any time jin had ever felt warm either. does a dream offer an avatar more humanity somehow?

hes thought about it for too long perhaps, because he hasnt replied and enter is starting to look at him curiously, and so hiromu decides he can dwell on it when hes actually awake. he lets out his breath and swats away enters hand with a scowl for good measure. enter feigns an exaggerated pout, but then he settles back in his seat all the same, keeping his hands to himself.

hiromus cheek still feels warm and itchy, but hell be damned if he lets enter know something he did got under his skin. this too is like a battle, the enemy can find weaknesses even in the smallest of movements. he restrains himself from scratching his face, opting instead to glare more at enter across the table.

his enemy looks different in the cerebral parisian landscape theyve found each other in. for one thing, hes actually wearing civillian clothes rather than his usual long coat or any of his attempts at disguising himself. with enter perched opposite of him wearing a dark turtle neck and a caramel sweater, hiromu is struck by the jarring realization that the avatar almost looks like a normal person. almost, if one didnt already know that the man sitting there was made of code rather than flesh and bone.

eyeing him carefully, hiromu thinks that he catches the slightest glitch at the edge of enters face, an abnormality that is gone by the time hiromu has noticed it. enter may have decided to wear something a little more reasonable for this encounter, but he still isnt fooling hiromu. even in a fashionable sweater theres something off about him.

the rest of his attire aside, he does still have those ridiculous goggles pushed up against his brow, because of course he does. he would fit the part of a cafe loving paris tourist better if he had a silly little beret instead of his trusty eyeware, but hiromu doesnt particularly feel like pointing that out. seeing enter flounce around in a beret isnt exactly an enjoyable thought at the moment.

(add something here)

"ive heard about people going to paris for the first time and getting sick from the shock of how dirty it is," hiromu says, "you should be glad it doesnt smell here."

enters nose wrinkles, "dont say that, you'll ruin my appetite"

"so you have an appetite? its not like you need to eat, right?"

the avatar shrugs, and carefully picks up his fork, saying, "i may have no need for food to survive, but that doesnt mean i cant enjoy it." enter takes his time with slicing off a chunk of the lemon cake between them, and continues, "theres things humans dont need but do none the less, non? your lives are so short after all, why not chase after every little pleasure."

seeming satisfied with himself, enter takes a bite, eyes closed with an exaggerated look of bliss. whatever emotion it is that enter has been trying to elicit from hiromu, hes just growing more annoyed, rolling his eyes and pointedly turning his body away from the cake.

(add something here)

hiromu stands up with a jolt, and the screeching sound of his chair breaks what little illusion of idle cafe chatter this dream had left to offer. he fumes, fists clenched with his gaze set firmly on enter, who only barely looks up to offer a smug smile.

"we," hiromu spits out the word disdainfully, "are nothing alike. theres nothing to compare between us."

despite the outburst of his dining companion, enters expression remains unchanged. if anything, hiromus insistance upon distancing himself has only amused enter further. he laughs, throwing up his hands half heartedly, as if they were old friends having a casual debate rather than mortal enemies with their blades always at each others throats.

"i suppose we should leave it at that then," enter reaches for one final bite of cake, clearly enjoying himself, "this has been lovely, you really should invite me more often, ma puce."

"go to hell," hiromu tells him, and lunges to try and land a punch against that awful smile.

by the time hiromus fist reaches where enters face would have been, the avatar has already disintegrated into a burst of code. orange numbers and the distant sound of laughter linger for a moment in the air, before hiromu blinks awake in his room.

---

this second one i wrote before the first one and im still not very happy with it and might scrap it and try to rewrite it. i couldnt decide what point of view i wanted to write it from between third person pov or vaguely enter talking so it feels muddled to me. this was mainly a kind of train of thought because i had and still have a lot of thoughts about the avatars and what it means to be human and what it means to be an avatar and if they can feel things etc along with enter and escape being their own people and having their own identities and lives. but i feel like i didnt exactly get all the thoughts that i wanted to convey across very well so again im probably going to rewrite this at some point lmao

--

86 billion neuron cells, with another million billion synapses connecting the spaces in between, all sending information to and from the brain, the extremities and sensory organs having gathered data from the outside worlds stimulation in order to help the human machine function.

  from ancient calculating tables and tally sticks, to early machines reading punch cards, to alan turings first thought of the modern computer, you could trace an avatars lineage back to the very first time a human began to count just as easily as you could to any of these.

enter and escape are not any of the doomed researchers that crossed the gap between dimensions, whos data was cleanly picked apart from their miserable mortal bones and woven back into the code of their forms. perhaps you can not fault those same humans for their squeamishness at the thought of any person being undone in such a way, let alone a family member. really, nature has functioned like this long before the first digital computer ever graced the earth with its code.

when a deer falls dead in the forest its body becomes food for the rest of the life among the trees, and in time its flesh decomposes and turns to soil. another one bites the dust only to offer up a meal for the starving masses. you are born, you die, and someone finds a way to steal from you long after youre gone. c'est la vie, as we say.

think of it, dear reader, as such; a thousand photos lie before you of humans. pictures of people from across the world, some of them seeming familiar and some of them with faces unknown to you. you can thumb through as many as youd like, but in the end you will always come to the same realization that somewhere, within these people, are bits and pieces of yourself. this one, looking off camera against a gray sky, has your nose. this person, leaning against a bridge and failing to strike a good pose, has your eyes. the next person will have your smile, ectera ectera. you get the picture- ha.

even if you were not flipping through a book of old family records you would still spot bits of yourself in people far away and long dead. this, mon cher, is how i see best fit to consider what it means to be created from composite data, for i assure you one need not be an avatar to be formed in such a way. you have been strung together from bits and pieces of every person your ancestors ever loved.

love, ah. thats another subject we must discuss, sooner or later, i suppose. can a machine love? really now, i wish you would find something else to ask. anything else would be a more stimulating topic of conversation. why must we agonize over such messy details? humans simply can not stop themselves from philosophizing until theyve got nothing left to make a philosophy out of.

what does it matter if a machine could or couldnt love, when plenty of stinking humans have never even thought to act on the very principle they obsess over. love. let us not get sidetracked by such nonsense, we still have other aspects to examine.

delete that last input, page back with me, now think again on the subject of data, and of rebirth. the doomed researchers are not escape, nor are they enter, just as much as you are not the person who first gave you a specific gene in your dna. the researchers were a sample for an experiment greater than any they had ever run through before. do you get it now? do you understand? of course you wouldnt. humans are foolish enough to think they are one of a kind.

   forget about if a machine loves, just what can an avatar feel? if their coding is to be equated to the human nervous system, then is it so hard to consider that they too could find the many vices of the earth pleasurable? enter cursed himself for spoiling messiah, having given the virus too much of a taste of just how splendid human suffering could feel. he was taught pleasure too soon, and greed was already something he knew from birth. enter should have known better than to offer up a plate of food he could not continue to harvest sustainably- not yet, at least. especially when the one gobbling down that harvest throws a tantrum the moment its all gone.

really, is it so terrible to ask for a thank you once in a while? you would think that after devoting your existence entirely to a single being, you might get a few bones thrown your way. in this we could draw another parallel between the humans and machine, where enter is scorned by his messiah in the same vein as humans praying for salvation from some unforgiving god.

i am drifting off course. forgive me, you see a machine can ramble just as easily as a human, non?

---

ok yay thanks if you read all or any of this honestly i appreciate it. id love any feedback anyone has including constructive criticism from writer friends but i just ask that you maybe try to be a little gentle with me and remember that im very rusty yknow but i do still appreciate any thoughts or helpful tips thank u again mwah

[pisscreant]

hi! i live in canada im VERY familiar w the cold so here's some things off the top of my head please lemme know if u want anything more specific ok here goes:

-i find the nose gets cold before anything else. sometimes the first thing i feel when i wake up is how much colder my nose is than any part of me in the blankets, if it's cold enough outside you can actually FEEL your snot freeze inside your nose (its really itchy), its a good sign that someone's been out in winter recently if their nose is a little red

-snow comes in a LOT of different textures, sometimes it's very powdery and blows around everywhere, sometimes it's DENSE (good for packing into snowballs), often there's a thin crunchy layer on top and then a lighter layer under, lots of room to play

-for people with glasses, coming in from the cold usually involves several seconds or maybe even a minute or so where the lenses fog up from the sudden temperature change, and it gets really hard to see

-anywhere snow gets inside, it melts! most people tend to stomp off their boots outside right before heading in to catch the worst of it, and a lot of shoe racks have thicker mats with tall ridged edges underneath to keep the water in, but stepping on a puddly of icy water in your socks is still a hazard of the season (we call that getting a soaker here, but i think that's just local)

-anywhere that gets a lot of foot traffic and snow will inevitably get a lot of ice, as the people walking slowly melt down the snow which then refreezes overnight. we tend to put down salt on the sidewalks/walkways to combat this (the salt helps the ice melt down faster + now theres a little more traction when you step), and it leaves white salt stains on your boots you have to wash off

-i haven't heard of snow falling off a roof and killing anyone personally (although i dont doubt it could if there was enough of it), but as a kid i was CONSTANTLY hearing adults tell me to step away from being under roof edges because of ICICLES. they can get REALLY big and heavy, especially if it's warm enough to melt the snow in the day but still cold enough to refreeze it at night, and ive seen them rip out eaves, wreck cars, and cause concussions if people aren't careful

-after being outside for long periods of time, your skin tends to get a little numb. after coming back inside, as the feeling returns, your arms and legs get REALLY really itchy and red for a few minutes. i find hot showers usually help, but that can be a little risky since it's hard to feel how hot the water really is, which makes burning yourself a risk. eventually the feeling comes back and the redness fades, though, and then it's back to normal

hope any of this helps a little!

holy SHIT than you so much. these are details I'd never know about otherwise. esp the stuff with texture and how it feels on skin (and the nose freezing shit is a very distressing thought. Idk how yous deal with it). skin feeling numb makes sense since it happens when I touch ice but the idea of it being all over the skin is Something.

very handy insight and really drives home how primal and all-encompassing Shivers must be both as a spirit and a sensation Harry experiences. Also I will never complain abt my town's climate ever again.

[miffyiffy]

One Piece Allergy Season

Sorry for being inactive for a while, im in my province rn so the internet here is whack. It's just hcs for today :)) and sorry if this is a mess, i only made this like a few minutes ago and im really tired but i had the urge to update this blog since it's been months since i posted fanfics or hcs. I will edit this once im back home and well rested enough <3

I'm allergic to pineapples, dust, sweat, animal fur, and had a lot of digestive and skin problems growing up (until now) so writing this was really fun !!

Characters: Luffy, Sabo, Usopp, Franky, Nami, Kaido

Let me know if you want a part 2 with different characters!

Luffy

Allergies: Peanuts

I just feel like luffy has peanuts allergy that he totally does not know about. Makino knows it, Dadan knows it, Garp knows it, everyone else in the village knows it, even Shanks, just in case luffy gets a hold of peanut butter and other food that has peanuts in them. Luffy himself, didn't know he had peanut allergies until Sanji prepared some good old fashioned peanut butter and jam sandwiches for the crew. His whole head was swollen and everyone was panicking, asking Luffy why his head is swollen, Nami said that it looks like an allergic reaction so Chopper ran to the clinic to find an epipen. Ever since then, peanuts are banned on the Sunny, well at least when Luffy is around, the crew also carry at least 2 epipen with them

Sabo

Allergies: Pinapple, dusts

Yes, I am projecting myself into sabo, I'm not sure if people would agree that he has pinapple allergy but he would definitely have dust allergy. Both allergies affect his skin, it gives him red rashes, itchy, swollen skin. He also have a skin condition —thus, having to carry a moisturizer, lotion, oitment, pills, or other things that would help him and his skin. He's not asthmatic that's why the dust only affects his skin, the pinapple would affect both his skin and throat, it would give him sore throat but it's not as sore to the point he has lost his voice, more like an itch that he can't reach and it's SUPERRRR annoying.

Usopp

Allergies: Some shellfish

I would say that usopp has a seafood allergy but he's literally living on a sea so I'll go with shellfish. He's NOT allergic to shellfish, just some— like around 1-2 specie(s) of shellfish such as shrimps and clams or crabs and snails, and other shellfish. When usopp first said this to Sanji, he (sanji) always makes sure to make a different dish for usopp when having a banquet and making snacks, usopp also told chopper so that he can have some allergy pills just in case.

Franky

Allergies: Chemical allergy

Franky is a self-built cyborg (or as i like to call it "DIY Robot") surely, he had some allergic reaction to some chemicals while building himself. I don't know much chemicals, but Franky doesn't show any allergic reaction when in touch with some chemicals since he's a cyborg now but he can feel it and it's SUPERRRR uncomfortable. Chopper made a special ointment for him :)), he tries to stay away and avoid using that certain chemical as much as possible. Robin also lent him some further knowledge on what to do, how to prevent, and what's the cause of it.

Nami

Allergies: Lactose intolerance

Ok, I know that lactose intolerance is a digestive problem and isn't an allergy but I want to include nami in this and again as I said, I am projecting myself into these characters. Nami always buys a different kind of milk, much likely almond milk (since it makes your 🍒 bigger). She can handle dairy pretty well, but not so often. Yeah she can hadle eating ice cream, carbonara, milkshakes, and creamy coffee in a day, but she wouldn't eat anything dairy after that in the next couple of days. Nami also said it to Sanji so he can find other substitutes for dairy products, she also said it to chopper so he can give her some pain killers if she's having a hard time, especially when they're always on the sea.

Kaido

Allergies: Death

Self-explanatory.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

So far what has been the worst thing about being pregnant?

oh so much, so equally.

sciatica, making it so i physically cannot walk without excruciating pain, but only at night when i need to get out of bed to piss. (thankfully i am not a type who needs to piss all the time. yet.)

acid reflux, a constant cold burn in my throat unfazed by tums but is ignorable if im constantly drinking something. so my stomach is always full of liquid, which makes the acid worse, so i have to keep drinking so i dont feel it.

i am So Fucking Hungry. “have less food more often! smaller, more frequent meals!” they say. “because your stomach will get smaller as baby grows!” i dont fucking think so babe. yes i can handle it. yes i know baby is growing rapidly and needs the nutrients and thats why my stomach is constantly growling. baby wants the entire meal, and baby wants another in two hours. pay up or perish. (by perish i mean my stomach will growl so loud you go deaf)

speaking of deaf, the sinus pressure has closed up one of my ears. it’ll go away after birth but the other ear has pulsatile tinnitus that i need surgery for because the sinus pressure and increased blood supply pushed my eardrum back, and i need a replacement prosthetic of some bone in my ear that isnt doing its job.

speaking of sinuses, there’s so much fucking blood in my body that sinus pressure causes nosebleeds, a common pregnancy issue. however, because of allergies i already had prior, my sinuses keep all the blood clotting up inside my sinuses. and because of acid reflux, i’m constantly spitting, so it never has time to settle and properly bleed. instead i cough, snort, and spit up 5-8 BLOOD CLOTS. FROM MY SINUSES. per day. some darker and heavier, most smaller and less dense. i am constantly creating suction pressure in my throat to dislodge blood clots from my nasopharynx. i am always snorting.

my tits are disgusting. i have lymphedema in the breasts, rather uncommon, and it has been completely mimicing the symptoms of breast cancer without having any lumps or actual tumors to show for it. anywhere. they’re simply an angry warm red, feel like an orange peel, hard as dried playdough, and the consistency of a memory foam mattress.

“yr areolas will darken uwu!”

and thats just what i hate the MOST.

things that just annoy me include:

always feeling both exhausted and like i NEED to clean everything. everything. all the time. im noticing dirt and mess that i’ve never seen before in my life. im rewashing perfectly clean items because im not the one who washed them initially.

nesting feels itchy. im exhausted midway through organizing the entire bathroom but i Have To keep going. its compulsive. it feels like an actual rat in my brain trying to claw its way out. and i struggle so badly to ignore it because half the shit i want to do cant be done until mid april. and it’s been scratching at me since like january. it kind of hurts.

also i love kicks but the rolls and swishes feel fucking gross, it feels like there’s a goldfish in my stomach just flopping around nastily. it tickles in a gross way.

i have to sleep on a wedge pillow in addition to my C pillow. both help immensely, but im so blocked off from davyn and it makes me sad. i have to tear my little nest apart if i want to cuddle, and then i can’t for very long because he lays down flat, and the aggravates my acid really badly.

horribly vivid dreams. ive never felt more disturbed by my dreams than i have the past few weeks. it feels so real, nothing like a normal weird dream. the concepts are strange but the environment is so convincing. and it’s usually nightmares.

im really forgetful now and its kind of scary. like genuinely scary because it feels like im losing my mind and its bringing up a lot of... gaslighty trauma from when i was a teenager. sometimes my memory is as perfect as usual, sometimes i forget what just came out of my mouth two seconds ago. davyn is really patient when i get scared.

and i have it relatively easy.

i dont have gestational diabetes, which would necessitate an entirely new diet that i KNOW i wouldnt be able to sustain.

i don’t have blood clots, so i dont have to take those awful shots that bruise the injection site so terribly(i took them after my knee surgery, i switched to warfarin because i couldnt stand the shots anymore after only a week).

i dont have cervical insufficiency, which runs in my family and would necessitate a much higher level of care.

i dont have an Rh incompatibility with my baby, which would necessitate a higher level of care but also one of the most painful shots you can get in pregnancy. in the ass cheek.

i didnt have morning sickness AT ALL, just occasional nausea and not even consistently. some people puke multiple times a day and struggle eating anything. for the entire duration.

i don’t have tons of emotional outbursts, i had one breakdown about davyn eating my banana, one about davyn saying “the pillow is my girlfriend now” because i fixated on the word girlfriend, one because i left soda in the freezer and it exploded, and i cry easily over touching youtube videos a little more easily. thats it. 3 breakdowns and a tender heart. over the past 7 months.

i have it quite easy, and most of all im doing this on purpose.

i’ll say it again every time: reproductive choice is a hill i will happily die on. absolutely fucking nobody deserves any of this, least of all people who don’t know its coming and didnt want it anyway.

i wanted this, and im doing it eagerly. i just also hate it and it sucks and im glad it’ll be over soon and i can have my screamy poopy wrinkly baby on the outside where i can actually LOOK at them and HOLD them and know the tangible fruits of my labor. feels like im wading through a sewer to reach some unknown treasure that im praying will still be there when i get to the end.

make sure your birth control timer is set properly. wrap yr meat. stay aware. etc.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: The Rose and the Thorn: Chapter 19 (Mafia AU)

Summary:  Rus is having a chance for a few regrets. Bad mistakes? Yeah, he's made a few.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Cherryberry, Mafia AU, Flower Shop AU, Violence, First Meetings, Attempted Sexual Assault

Warning:  Heads up, let me add a warning here for attempted sexual assault and violence.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18

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Read Chapter 19 on AO3

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Read it here!

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Rus came to with his head throbbing, feeling as if his skull had been stuffed full of cotton wool. The blanket under his mouth was soaked with his own drool, sticking clammy and cold to his face. With a grunt of effort, Rus tried to move and found he couldn’t. That quickly woke him up the rest of the way, that and the jangle of chains as struggled to get upright. Craning his neck, he looked up and down the length of his body to see the cuffs circling his wrists and ankles, each with its own chain fastened to a bedpost. He was still mostly dressed, he saw. His sweater was gone, but the button-up and trousers he’d been wearing were still in place, if horribly wrinkled. A small consolation that Rus clung to desperately, uncertain if he’d even know if anything had been done to him.

He had a vague, foggy memory of being carried, being moved, and burning hands moving over him but little else. No, that was wrong, he could remember more and didn’t want to, remembered Lilith and blood and fear, and might not know where exactly he was, but he knew who brought him here.

“no,” Rus whispered to himself, struggling harder, the restraints jangling with an almost cheery chime against the bedframe. “no, no, no.”

“You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep that up, little flower."

A terrifyingly familiar voice, one that carried with it its own memories of hurt and fear.

“don’t touch me!” Rus blurted hysterically, struggling harder despite the tearing pain in his wrists. “you stay away from me!”

All his struggles meant nothing, the cuffs allowed only enough give for him to lay on the bed, and he let out a weak sob as a hot hand settled on the small of his back, pinning him firmly back to the mattress.

“Darling, we haven’t even begun.” The bed shifted as Blaze sat down next to him and his hand slid up Rus’s spine in a mockery of soothing. “How well do you understand me?"

Rus could taste salt-sweetness, tears running back into his sockets and gathering nauseously at the back of his throat. That hand moved to the top of his skull, knuckles rapping against it painfully. “Answer me.”

“well enough,” Rus said dully. This was his own fault, he’d been warned, and even if Edge found him this time, who was to say what might happen between now and then.

“Better. This will go much easier on you if you’re obedient, precious.” That burning touch moved down to Rus’s face and he tried to jerk away instinctively, the chains holding him back. “Now, now, pet, calm yourself. If I only wanted to fuck you, I could have done it already, couldn’t I.” Those burning fingers skimmed lower, fondling his jaw. “Tempting, I’ll admit, such a pretty mouth. But why use force when you’ll be giving yourself to me willing?”

That confident assertion set off a spark, scorching a path of fury through Rus’s dull acceptance.

“Fuck you!” Rus spat. He twisted around to look at Blaze, truly seeing him for the first time. A fire Monster, he’d known that much, his flames the deep purple of an old ugly bruise and whatever passed for his eyes hidden behind sunglasses. His shirt was mostly unbuttoned, exposing more purple flames and leading a path down to his undone belt. A warning of things to come and Rus couldn’t help trying to struggle again, twisting fruitlessly against the restraints.

“Manners,” Blaze chided. “You’re so certain? You haven’t even heard the bargain yet.”

“I don’t care what it is!”

“No?” Blaze leaned in closer, flames crackling close to Rus’s audial canal. “What if I agreed to let up on Edge and Red? I’ve been toying with them for some time, you’re simply a shiny new game piece. I’d let them be, no more long nights worrying about when the next strike comes. They’d keep their silly little club and all their sluts would be safe.” He leaned in, his breath pouring over Rus like the heat of an opened oven. “I’ve heard you’re quite fond of those whores, hmm? Did my little kitty tell me true?”

Rus said nothing, squeezing his sockets tightly shut as he tried to keep the memories from pouring in. He couldn’t, could only think of Lilith, her pretty, confused face filling his mind’s eye as she fell to lie bleeding in the street, only to be replaced by Mona in the same way, hurt and dying. Sweet Mona who’d been kind to him from the start, tried so hard to help him, who was studying to be a nurse to help other people, their people.

But it was what Blaze said next that sent the rising uncertainty and fear in Rus’s soul boiling, a heat to match the Flame Monster’s own as he said, “Oh, there’s also your brother. Adorable little thing, isn’t he? To be honest, he’s a little more to my tastes.”

Rus jerked around as much as he could, craning his neck to glare that smug face. “you stay the fuck away from my brother!”

“Well, now, I can’t do that unless I get to stay the fuck with you. What do you say?” Two blistering hot fingers curled under his chin, hooking into his jaw and flames licked and curled painfully around his face. “Tik tok, precious, limited time only. You spread your legs so easily for Edge, what’s one more?”

He didn’t bother saying that he and Edge had never had sex, not really. There was no point; even if this Monster, this monster, believed him, it would only be more fuel for the fire of his hatred. He’d probably be fucking delighted to hear it, one more thing he could take from them, one more cruelty to inflict. There was only one bargain available, this one, right here and now. Rus wasn’t so foolish as to believe Blaze was telling the truth, but if it only kept him away from Blue, bought them a little time, what other option did he have?

Tears burned, nearly as hot as that touch, trickling down his face and hissing to stinging steam as they fell against Blaze’s hand. He couldn’t even turn away, Blaze forcing him to look up into that hated face as he whispered out, “deal.”

“What was that, precious?” Blaze smirked. “Speak up.”

“i said deal!” Rus snarled.

“Perfect.” He let go of Rus and stood, unzipping his fly. Rus closed his sockets before seeing what it revealed, forced himself not to flinch away. He wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction. “Now let’s see how good you suck cock to start.”

“don’t ever recall you bein’ much of a rapist. guess you learn somethin’ new every day.”

That unexpected voice seemed to come from nowhere at first, slowly solidifying by the door. Blaze whirled around, his flames crackling in loud astonishment and Rus craned his head to see, a feeble blossom of hope sprouted in his soul.

Red stood leaning against the doorjamb, hands in his trouser pockets and a smoldering cigar clenched in his jagged teeth. His eye lights were their own flames, deep red coals that matched his cold grin. “what’s the matter? don’t ya know how to greet an old friend?”

“How did you—” The question was bitten off so hard Rus could practically hear the click of nonexistent teeth over Blaze fumbling with his fly, fastening his trousers again with haste.

“eh, wasn’t too hard.” Red pushed off the wall and wandered closer, dusting off the front of his suit jacket with an absent flick of ringed fingers. “kid is wired up like a gyftmas tree, got little ornaments tucked all over in his clothes. figured you’d find a way to snag him eventually, so best to be prepared.” Rus’s sneakers were lying abandoned near the foot of the bed and Red nudged them with the toe of his shiny, expensive loafer. “you’re gettin’ soft, hothead, shoulda stripped him bare where you first took ‘im.”

Blaze crossed his arms over his chest, flames rising in a flickering dance the only sign of his agitation. “You’re assuming I didn’t want you to find me.”

“true,” Red allowed.

“I admit, I was expecting your brother. It’s so rare for you to come out and play these days.”

“well, now you’ve got me on the monopoly board, so let’s get this over with.” From that angle, Rus could hardly see Red, only from the chest down. Two gold buttons from his vest were visible and the broad chain strung across it, jewelry instead of restrains. Always that ridiculous extravagance, he thought with bitter, near hysterical amusement, even now. “you know, always had a little regret at leaving you behind that day, but, eh. can’t ask someone to choose them over their brother, can you.”

Blaze made a sound like hissing steam. “you left me to die!”

“sure did,” Red agreed, with such bald unapologetic blandness that Rus cringed into the blanket beneath him. “but that’s an ‘us’ problem.”

“You abandoned me!” Now Blaze was huffing like a bellows, his flames darkening nearly to black, lashing and crackling around him. “We came up from the gutters together and you left me behind like I was nothing, like I was ash to be scraped from your shoes!”

“you always were a fucking drama queen.” Red only puffed on his cigar, utterly calm, as if he were arguing with someone in the market over the last head of cabbage, and Rus could only listen with distant, dizzy surreality. Even his tears were drying, leaving behind itchy trails on his face. “turnin’ shit into a dust feud, like there ain’t enough people out there that want us dead? yeah, we did, dragged ourselves out, spitfire, and you shoulda already known by then that my bro always comes first.”

Blaze said nothing, but he took a step back when Red came closer. One of his hands shifted to hover over Rus and he could feel the banked heat even from the distance, a warning to them both.

Not that Red seemed to care. He didn’t seem to be paying any attention to Rus, his words were careful, slow, as if repeating important directions to one who was easily lost. “been letting you blow off steam for a while now. lost some merchandise here and there, you’d stick your fat fingers into one of our pies and we’d lose a payday. that was fine.” A step closer and Rus could see his face now, Red’s grin wolfishly wide. “‘preciate ya leavin’ the school and the daycare alone. was a bitch settin’ those up without getting’ our names tangled up in ‘em.”

“Harming children is for Humans.” Bitterly spat, someone who’d met Humans on their terms too many times already.

“ain’t that the truth,” Red agreed lazily, His voice changed then, that easiness ceasing as it vanished into bitter, bitten cold, “gotta say though, i ain’t too keen on you threatenin’ my bro or his little pet.”

“They aren’t children. You’re here for him, then.” His hand dropped, settling in the small of Rus’s back and he couldn’t bite back a whimper at the sudden, aching heat licking at his bones. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised, you always were too concerned about those sluts of yours.”

“always were a sweet talker, fire crotch.” Red straightened briskly, tucking his hands back into his pockets. “time to get down to business. brought you somethin’ ya might want, thought you might consider makin’ a little swap.”

“How generous,” Blaze purred. The tension in him hadn’t eased, his flames still licking high, but he shifted like he’d found his footing. “You have nothing that I want, lover, not anymore.”

“no?” Red licked his teeth, his wet teeth gleaming in the lamplight. “not even a fresh supply of golden flower tea?”

Blaze went suddenly still, all that oozing smarm stilling into whispered astonishment. “You do not.”

“sure do.” Red pulled a hand from his pocket and dangled a small packet between two fingers. “fresh enough you can prolly smell it from there and plenty more where that came from.” He nodded in Rus’s direction, “only, he’s the direct line to it. you kill him, that’s it. supply begins and ends with the flower shop. you can have your fun with him if ya want but—” He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling under his suit coat. “i ain’t about to tell ya how to do business, but if you want in, i don’t mind sharin’.” He licked his teeth again, his smile widening as it curled around a single word. “lover.”

Blaze rocked from foot to foot restlessly and even beneath the sunglasses, the shift of his gaze from the packet to Red’s grinning face was unmistakable. “The fuck you would!”

“the fuck i ain’t!” Red countered, “see, that’s the beauty of it. you know the value, dontcha. these rubes ain’t got a clue, not even my bro gets it, but you and me? sweetspark, you and i know the value of a buck, don’t we. an’ we definitely know the value of this.”

“You’re lying.” But the words were without heat, almost uncertain. Wanting to believe.

“you think i’d come here without proof.” Red opened the packet and poured a little into his palm. He blew across it, scattering dried petals into the air subtle scent of golden flowers filled the air. Rus could taste it, his mouth automatically watering at the familiar flavor. Golden flower tea was a palliative when he’d been growing up, Blue brewed it whenever Rus wasn’t feeling well, whether the sickness was one of the body or the soul. There was always a cup for them both on days their pop had been particularly cruel or drunk, soothing away the lingering hurts. To taste it now, here, was abhorrent.

Blaze spread his hands and the floating petals still hanging in the air disappeared in tiny flares in his palms, that familiar smell going burnt and bitter. “You left me.”

“yep, i did,” Red agreed, unapologetic. "shoulda known if the choice was between you and my bro, there ain't no choice. get that you’re pissed, have every right to be, but don't go blamin’ me for being exactly who ya always knew i was. now, if ya wanna let the flower shop go, then we’ve got a deal.”

“Do you swear it to me?” Blaze said. He didn’t look at Rus, neither of them did; he was nothing, only a pawn in their game. They were the major players, two kings on either side of a chess board, deciding who to sacrifice and who to spare.

“’course i do,” Red snorted, “you got my word, sweetspark. i promise ya.”

The two of them stood for a long, terrible moment in a heated tableau. Rus kept as still as possible, terrified of tipping the decision in the wrong direction. Then came the sound of a drawer sliding open, a painful, hot hand grabbing his wrist as a key slid into the lock. Blaze repeated it on each limb and Rus scrambled to sit up, nearly falling in his haste to get to Red.

“get your shoes on, flower shop,” Red told him, “wouldn’t wanna hurt your little tootsies before i take ya back to my bro.” Rus did as he was told, all but shoving his foot into his shoe as Red turned back to Blaze. “good to be doing business again with ya. we’ll work out the details, but first. shake on it like pals, yeah?”

He held out a hand and Blaze took it, but the sudden sound that came from Blaze made Rus jerk, looking up from his shoes to see Red using that grip to yank Blaze closer, down to his level. His sunglasses slipped down, exposing the hollows that passed for a fire Monster’s eyes gone wide, disbelieving. “You—”

The whisper died in a fall of dust scattering to the floor. Red only watched it fall in a dark, glittering cloud and the soul speared through with the sharpened bone still in his hand was the last to dissolve. No king, only another pawn taken from the board.

Red shook his head, tutting softly, and tossed the little packet of golden flowers onto the dustpile, the remaining petals scattering. “better luck next time, pal. least you went out with dollar signs dancin’ in your head.” He frowned at his dusty hand and pulled out a linen handkerchief that matched his shirt, wiping it off as he turned back to Rus. “normally woulda let one of my boys do it, but i guess i owed him that much, to take care a’ it personal-like.”

Rus couldn’t move, crouched there on the floor with one shoe on as he stared at Red with words clotting in his throat. “you…you…”

The wide slash of his grin only went wider. “go on, spit it out.”

“you killed him.” The last word broke on a sob.

"sure did," Red agreed. He looked at his cigar, his expression twisting in impatient disgust at the dust coating it. He tossed it aside and pulled out another, biting off the end and lighting it with a match struck on the bedpost. "hate to break a promise, too. been putting it off too long. kept hopin’ he’d get over it and sign back on, but he took it a lil’ too far.” Red shrugged. “eh, dogs are better anyway. loyal.”

He wandered past Rus towards the door, his voice floating back where Rus was still sitting with his shoe in his lap. “thanks for the help. knew he’d get his mitts on you eventually and lead the way to where he was holed up. didn’t figure on it goin’ that way, but it didn’t work out too bad, all things considered.” He turned back, one finger curling in a ‘come here’ gesture. “hurry up, kid, time to go.”

With one shoe still untied, Rus stumbled after him as Red led the way out of the room. They were in a large house of some sort, open and spacious where the Fell brothers’ home was all narrow hallways and mazes. No one tried to stop them as they made their way downstairs, every room echoing and empty, and Rus clung to the bannister to keep from falling. His mind still felt fuzzy and wrong, disbelieving, catching onto what Red had said minutes too late.

“you used me as bait?” A sob heaved out of Rus, helpless and wretched, followed by more, as if they’d been bottled up in his chest and now that the first escaped, they were bursting out like bubbles an opened bottle of soda.

"’course i fuckin’ did. you were a pain in the ass to boot, always takin’ off like ya did. made it harder to track whether you were just bein’ a shit or not.” Red paused on the landing impatiently as Rus tripped his way down. “knock it off with the waterworks, yer givin' me a headache."

Rus tried, hiccoughing painfully as he said, "he shot lilith."

"and she almost got you a fire dick up the ass for her troubles,” Red said. The raw crudeness made Rus wince, choking back his tears. “anyway, save the cryin’ for somethin’ important, she's fine. for now. all bandaged up and ready for a heap 'o regret for sellin’ you out."

"don't,” Rus blurted. “please. don't hurt her."

Red swung around to look at him and Rus couldn’t keep from flinching, stumbling back a step from that piercingly sharp gaze. "you defendin' her?"

"she didn't know how bad it was. she tried to stop him."

“regrettin’ after you fuck up don't mean you get off." Red started down the stairs again, but he sounded almost pensive as he said, "’course, she did get shot, that ain’t no summer picnic. i'll think about it."

Hardly soothing, but Rus nodded, relaxing a little as he wiped at his face with his sleeve, mumbling out, “thank you.

Red chuckled, low and rich with perverse humor. "heh, already thinkin' you won, kid? i ain’t as easy as my bro, said i’ll think about it.”

Outside was a long black car, expensive and indistinguishable. A Dog got out of the driver’s side and held open the door for them, Rus scrambling in after Red and sat on the seat opposite. The door wasn’t even closed when Red began rummaging through a little fridge, pulling out a clear crystal bottle of dark brown liquid. “here, have a drink. think you might need it.”

The entire bottle was probably more accurate, but it was better than nothing. Rus took the glass wordlessly, swallowing it all down in one gulp. He couldn’t hold back a grimace; the sharp burn of expensive whisky tried to wash away the taste of burnt golden flowers clinging inside his mouth, but it still lingered in his nasal cavity and he wondered dully if he’d ever be able to smell them again without remembering this moment.

Across from him, Red slumped back against the leather seat, sockets closed, his own glass dangling loosely from his broad fingers. His browbones were drawn together, a line of weariness between them and Rus suddenly wondered how long they’d been looking for him. There were no clocks in the backseat and the sun coming in through the tinted windows revealed nothing. Blue was probably hysterical and Rus couldn’t blame him, his own stupidity got him into trouble again, and Edge—

He didn’t want to think about Edge, not right now.

His mind refused to be blank, kept flittering about and Rus latched on to one of the questions lingering inside his skull, pointless and perfect for this moment. He held his own glass in both hands, the cool crystal slowly warming between them. “why was blaze so interested in golden flower tea?”

“that’s need to know, kid.” Red didn’t open his sockets as he took a sip from his glass.

“yeah, well, i need to know,” Rus said stubbornly. “you used me as bait, so tell me. why was he willing to let everything go over some stupid flowers?”

Those closed sockets slit open, the barest gleam of crimson gazing out at him. “heh. you think i owe you somethin’, flower shop?” Rus said nothing, afraid of agreeing, and Red’s sharp grin widened. “learnin’ how to be careful of those debts, huh. good for you.” He shifted in his seat, loosening his tie as he sighed. “but you got a point. okay, flower shop, here's the deal. see, most monsters and humans get a little relaxed with it, s’all. probably a strong cup of chamomile’d have the same affect.”

“unless ya have lv. golden flower tea is pretty damn useful for monsters with lv.” That sharp smile twisted unpleasantly. “sweet thing like you don’t know what it’s like carryin’ around a lump of charcoal in your chest. feel it burnin’ ya from the inside out…”

For once, Red looked away from Rus first, stared pensively into the dark depths of his glass. “that tea helps, a fucking lot. only once we came to the surface it was hard to find. don’t grow easy around here, not without help.” Red tossed back the rest of his glass and poured another, whiskey slopping out around the lip, spattering the little bar. When he offered the bottle to Rus, he accepted it, pouring more into his own glass. “ain’t had any in ages. not ’til you turned up, flower shop, you and your brother.” He chuckled roughly and shook his head. “mother angel’s mercy, fuckin’ florists of all things.”

“i didn’t know,” Rus admitted, and now that he did, he wasn’t sure if he regretted asking.

Red shrugged. “that ain’t no surprise, you ain’t got any lv and your bro don’t have enough to make any difference.”

That idle statement made Rus jerk, spilling whiskey down the front of his shirt. “my brother has lv?” His voice seemed too small, confined in that backseat.

Red paused and a brief, bothered expression flitted across his face before it smoothed again. “like i said, not enough to make any difference.” He finished off the last of his glass, the silence filled with only the hum of the engine and the tires against the road. “anyway, that’s enough explanations for you. ya did me a favor helpin’ me get a lead on that old flame burnin’ up my ass. think i might owe ya a little extra for a rough time. so tell me, whaddya want?”

Outside the tinted windows, the real world blurred past them. The really real world, where the worst thing that ever happened was a rude barista might mess up your order or a Human might call an insult from the other side of the road, and Rus never hesitated. “i want to go home. i don’t belong in all this.”

“eh, that’s already on the table.” Red crushed out the stub of his current cigar and lit another, the burning smell from the match nearly making Rus heave. “what else you got?”

“that you leave my brother alone!”

Red exhaled a cloud of foul smoke and shook his head, “that’s ‘tween me and him. care for a third try before ya strike out?”

His empty glass thudded to the carpeted floor as Rus buried his face in his hands, trying to catch his breath. He should let it go, drop the pretense of ever balancing the sheet between them. He’d be back home soon, back to the shop and the normalcy, nothing but bouquets and daydreams, oh, the daydreams. There was one thing yet that he wanted with self-destructive desperation, and the words came out barely muffled by his bony fingers, clear and stark. “i want one night, with him. with your brother. no strings attached.”

“you think i can get you that, huh? well, honey, you hit the jackpot.” Through his fingers, he could see Red’s eye lights glittering, the deep, burning crimson of a devil or maybe a djinn from the stories Blue read to him as a child. Looking at them sent a shiver down Rus’s spine like a sin even as Red spoke, his voice rough and amused as he offered a single word.

“done.”

tbc

[birdwonder]

Bucci Gang | Body Swap Headcanons

|| i’m just chilling w/ my phone right now and im choosing to do my next request later today so for now super lame pt 5 headcanons inspired by the body swap fiasco but like ... let’s say it was a different stand that did it and no one died/is missing.

WARNING — fem s/o ! it’s not too sexual but sorta ? in a comedic way more than spicy. i guess also pt 5 spoilers too ! 

Bucci Gang | Body Swap Headcanons

Bruno Bucciarati

- When Bruno had stopped stumbling and was no longer disorientated from the enemy’s attack, he was certainly confused as to why no extreme damage had come to him. He was really counting on the sensation of a thousand stab wounds to cover him like a sheet and yet, he felt perfectly fine. Glancing down, he still wanted to check for any externel injuries but his plan was quickly halted when he saw clothing and hands that certainly didn’t belong to him.

- “What... What is this?!” He’s nothing if not confused, much smaller than his own hands patting all around his body until they paused at his ( if he could say that ) chest. In seconds, his face blew into a bright red colour as soon as the realisation of him being in a woman’s body hit. With his clever perception, Bruno had also come to recognise that the clothing he was adorned in was strikingly similar to [F/N]’s, meaning one thing ...

- “Bruno Bucciarati, what the hell are you doing?!” 

God, it gave the man whiplash to see his own face scruched up with anger while his body marched towards him. The small pink tint on his own face had confused him however, if that was you then maybe you were just embarrassed of him being in your body or vice versa? Now that he thought about it, he really hoped you hadn’t done anything scandulous as him, not that he suspected you would.

- When you suddenly slapped Bruno’s, or your’s really, hands away from their position, he was quick to understand your fury. He had just technically groped you in a way. “Wait, wait, it’s not as it seems! I’m sorry, [F/N]—”

- After a rushed explanation and excuse for his actions, and a what his theory of the stand’s power was, the two of you agreed that you should start to look for the enemy and get back to your own bodies soon for both of your sakes. Bruno did appreciate the soft comfort he had to grip on temporarily though.

Leone Abbachio

- The drastic change in perspective that Abbachio had five minutes ago to now left him horribly bewildered. Why was everything so much taller now ? He was certain that he wasn’t lying nor sitting down.

- All he could do was confusingly turn around and look up at everything around him to try and figure out what was happening. Was he shrinking? That was a possible answer but why wasn’t he going down any more?

- The answer to his dilemma was clear when you, in his body, approached him frantically, hands gripping his shoulders and having to lean down so that you could both be face to face, inches away from each other. Had your minds not been switched, Abbachio was sure that he would have been a little more flustered than he was dumbfounded. “Abbachio, look at us! Our minds ... they’ve been swapped and I’m— I’m- so tall, holy shit.”

- Poor Abbachio had to watch you do what he had done earlier, looking around the whole area with wide eyes and total shock. You just couldn’t believe how different things looked! Oh, was this how Abbachio saw you? Jeez, maybe you should be more careful with how you part your hair if he can see too much of it.

- His jaw dropped when you started to check him out, pulling at the strings connecting his v-line while peering down to see his chest and stomach. You let out a low whistle, clearly impressed by what you were seeing, “damn your physique is good. I didn’t know you worked out, Abba!” Please kill him now before the embarrassment does first. Again, if your minds had not been swapped then he would be relishing in your praise but it was incredibly hard, and annoying.

- “Stop that, damn it!” He yelled at you, his shame worsening when he realised that his tone didn’t come off nearly as scary as it did when he was in his own body, in fact you were even laughing a little at him. Well, if you wanted to play it like that... Abbachio moved his hands to have one placed on your body’s backside and another on your breast, his anger momentarily diminishing when he squeezed both. Fuck they were soft—

- “Oh hell no!” You cried, now as equally as bashful as Abbachio was. Sure you got a little bit too curious but you weren’t touching his body up! With a huff, you mimicked his move to the extent that you placed both hands on his ass, suddenly pausing when you came into contact with it. “SIR, wHERE IS YOUR ASS?”

Pannacotta Fugo

- He’s fucking dying on the inside; he can’t do this. Someone please take him out of his misery because he can not handle being in the body of the girl he was  super into.

- Fugo  in all honesty didn’t try anything funny while in your body but the shame of it was too much. On one hand, he was grateful that it gave him a chance to admire the cute little imperfections you had such a scars and small spots on your arms that he hadn’t notice from his usual distance from you, while on the other he was afraid to be stuck like this forever.

- When he finally found you, the idea of you also looking over his body, as he had done with your’s to a respectable extent, flustered him greatly and he struggled to get any words out at first, “we should, uh, really find that enemy stand user. ahem.”

- “Yeah! You’re super cute and all, Panni, but I really want to be back in my own body, it’s more comfortable for me! Plus, your fashion style isn’t really my go to.” You laughed softly at your last comment, taking hold of Fugo’s hand to guide the two of you into a rough guess of a direction to where the enemy stand user could be. Meanwhile, the ‘cute’ comment replayed a thousand times like a broken record in Fugo’s mind, both a faint blush and smile taking over him as he nodded and followed your lead.

- When Mista or Narancia asked him afterwards if he had done any ‘research’ while in your body, he threatened to kill them both as he tried to stab both with cutlery. During that, you were covering your face and internally screaming at the idea of Fugo seeing the more private side of you, especially when you would rather show him on your own accord.

Narancia Ghirga

- Since the situation was a lot less life threatening than the Chariot Requiem one, Narancia was a lot more comedical about it. Sticking his temporary body’s hip out, he placed a hand upon it while another weaved it’s fingers through the hair that could only be called your’s. Narancia batted his eyes exaggeratedly while placing on a high pitch voice, poorly impersonating you.

- “Ooh, Mr Narancia! Please, take me!” He mockingly begged, strutting towards you that in a fashion that made you want to burst out laughing and shrivel up in shame since it was your body that was looking absolutely ridiculous. Wrapping his arms around your neck, it allowed you to notice the height difference that he had to see on a day to day basis but that was hardly a main thought when he started to rub his cheek against your’s. “You’re just so studly and handsome, my body just needs your touch!”

- After a pregnant pause, the two of you erupted into laughter, wheezing and coughing as though you were being choked out. If the stand who had done this to you both wanted you dead, then it was certainly working seeing as you were both soon to die of laughter. Wiping a tear away, your giggles died out and you gently whacked Narancia over the head, which would have been a regret for future you if it was any tougher. “You’re so silly, Narancia, we should be looking for the stand user not messing about!”

- “Yeah, yeah, I know,” he whined, still having to force a few laughs down. “I think my impression of you was pretty good though, right?” He jokingly winked at you only for his expression to falter to surprise when you sent a more flirtatious one back, stroking his cheek faintly while you walked past him to start your search.

- “Oh, it was brilliant, you know what I want so well!~”

Guido Mista

- His actions were incredibly similar to when he realised that he was in Trish’s body, when he instinctively placed his gun into where the front of his pants would be only to realise that it didn’t rest upon his crotch just quite the same.

- After frantically groping at the soft breasts he had seemingly grown and complaining that he was missing the best part of himself, Mista noticed that his own face was looking at him distraught and embarrassed. “Mista... You’re in my body. [F/N]’s.”

- Mista apologised quickly once you said that, now understanding the situation. You both had swapped bodies! How could he have not noticed? Especially when it was your body, something which he had discreetly checked out a few times before, since well c’mon. You were like a goddess. 

Speaking of, Mista was sure this was actually a Heaven of some sorts since he had full control over what he did with your body, which was kind of exciting! At least, it would be if you weren’t there to judge his movements. 

- “Ugh, Mista you stink,” you complained, raising an arm to your nose to take a whiff only to gag instinctively at the scent that violated your senses. Seriously, who wears a cashmere sweater with a wool hat in Italy? The amount he sweats must be ungodly! The hat was seriously starting to get itchy too, leaving you no choice but to take it off dramatically with a cry from Mista.

- “Hey, I’m not that bad!” The gunslinger argued, snatching the hat from your grasp so he could reach up and force it back onto his hair, hiding the thick curls that had momentarily escaped from their woollen captivity. Scoffing, you turned your nose up and looked to the side, refusing to look at him, “it is and you know it. If we’re stuck like this all day then I’m seriously going to have a shower for you.”

- Mista smirked at that. It was a weird look to see on yourself but it still made you fluster at your own words and his overactive imagination. “Oh? I mean, if you wanted to see my body that bad then you could just ask, babe. I wouldn’t mind showing you,” he cooed, snickering when you shoved his face away with a ‘shut up!’

Giorno Giovana 

- Giorno was massively taken back when the situation the both of you were in were clear. He was in your body and you in his. This stand ability ... seemed so incredibly useless. Granted, it left the two of your flabbergasted and frantic for a while but in the end you both adjusted pretty well to the change and were read to take down the stand user.

- You were a little curious though, reaching up to play with the buns in Giorno’s hair and stroking a finger over the lady bugs on his attire. Not to mention is ‘boob window’ as you jokingly called it, much to his dismay. “You’re pretty brave to wear something like this, Giorno,” you told him, glancing into a nearby shop window to look yourself over, even secretly admiring the blond’s good looks. How could he look so good and not even act like a primadonna? “Plus, you make it look good.”

- Giorno hummed in response, arms wrapped over his chest as he stood a feet or two away from you while still being able to side glance the window to see his own reflection. He was certainly flattered by your praise and could easily repay it tenfold seeing as he thought you were stunning both physically and as a person, yet his mind was too focused on finding the enemy. “Mh, grazi, you could make it look good too,” he murmured, not really thinking too hard over his words since he didn’t think it was the time.

- “I would?” You choked out, wheezing a little at what he had said. Wearing an outfit like his in your actual body would give you a very ‘out there’ look, one you’re not sure you could even wear in public. “I mean, I’m glad you think so but I didn’t take you the type to say something so bold so suddenly, Giorno...!”

- That pulled him from his thoughts. “Hm? What do you mean, I just meant you could look good in anything, I mean,” he then made a gesture to the reflection in the window, smiling softly, “I’m not blind, I stand by what I meant.”

- Gulping, you nodded slowly, averting your eyes from his since you were certain he would be able to notice a blush on his own face. “Oh I see, it’s just I thought you meant you wanted me to have the boob window look too,” you laughed, nervously scratching your cheek. 

- “Oh, no, no! I didn’t mean- Well, I’m not saying it’d be a bad look on you but I just meant-” Giorno, a typically well composed person, was stuttering like crazy, unable to even look at you much like you. Really, the both of you were messes.

- “It’s fine, it’s fine. Let’s just get going, yeah?” You reassured, placing a hand onto Giorno’s or uh, your’s shoulder. Nodding, he smiled and agreed, “we should before the user escapes, and you know if I’m right, they must be somewhere around...”

Trish Una

- Trish was just as shocked as you were when she realised what was going on! You both had a screaming session until one of you calmed down, taming the other’s screams until the two of you caught your breathes. 

- “How -?! Did that guy from earlier do this?!” Trish panicked, looking up at your desperately with your own eyes, which was little off putting at first since it was so weird but you looked past it and shrugged. “I mean, that’s the only thing that makes sense, right? Right now we should really be looking for him to swap back.”

- “Yeah, you’re right,” she nodded before immediately marching off to find the stand user, you quickly catching up to her and walking along side her. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Trish spoke up suddenly, your head turning to the side to realise that her hands were moving up and down your hips while her eyes were glued onto your body. 

- “Woah [F/N], you look great! I mean, your hips are so nice and you work these clothes so well!” Her praise made you chuckle a little, the flattery warming your heart. Looking down at yourself, you already knew Trish looked amazing so repaying the compliment was no feat. 

- “Thanks hon, you’re beautiful yourself, y’know? I mean, you’re so slender and pretty after all.” Trish blushed at your words, gently slapping your arm while giggling like a teenage school girl. “Oh stop, I don’t need you to be nice back, I just wanted to tell you what’s been on my mind for ages now!”

- “Is that so?” You asked, surprised that Trish thought so highly of you and even thinking that you were hearing things for a second. Honestly, you were pretty sure you were going to go have a heart attack from how quick your heart was beating - to be praised by someone so pretty, sweet and loveable was something you couldn’t fathom yet it was still happening. “Well I’ve always thought you were pretty anyways, not to forget amazingly kind and badass for sticking through all of this!”

- From there, the two of you spent the rest of your search praising each other and by the time you found the stand user, your bond had grown strong enough to land an amazingly co-ordinated attack, to which you both returned to praising each other over.

- Once you met up with the rest of the Bucci gang, the rest of the boys were pretty much ignored for the day as the two of you either held hands or linked arms together while chatting about similar interests and making plans to one day go shopping or to a cafe together once everything was over. Narancia was allowed to join in every now and then though, to which Mista complained over. 

[kth1]

I got bit by a spider like last week and it turned into a red rash/small scabs and if i touch it of course its itchy but if i dont touch it im fine. Its not hot to the touch and its just there. When the heck is it going to go away? I dont have other symptoms either — so i dont think its deadly or anything. But its annoying how long its lasting. I dont have any antibiotic ointments and im not 100% sure what bit me but im assuming a spider. Lmao

[vinniespeaks]

please tell me im not the only person that has this one odd texture that i absolutely despise and cannot stand but everyone else either likes or is neutral to? because i fucking despise stickers.

they’re fun in concept, ya know? you get to glue something to the surface of your waterbottle, phone, paper, laptop, whatever and it virtually lasts forever, and shows insight on your interests and such.

but for some reason ive always just despised them. no matter the type of sticker, i just want to rip it up and throw it away and curl into a ball whenever im forced to have one.

like for example sticker nametags! where you have to write your name on one in sharpie, take it off the sheet, and smack it onto your chest. i literally hated them and would avoid wearing it for as long as i could. even if i did put it on my clothing i would become upset or angry if it furled up at the corners, and i would spend most of my time flattening the corners of the sticker and folds of my clothes.

as soon as the event was over i would find the nearest garbage can, peel it off, and shake it off my finger in distress. or curl it into a little ball. or frantically stick it to the side of the bin. just as long as it wasnt touching me or my clothes, im good

even as a kid at doctor appointments, when the doctor offered me a sticker, i would either refuse and bluntly say i hate stickers, or take it and throw it away on my way to the car. in fact whenever i was offered stickers i would say no

something i also hate is itchy or tight clothes, or tags in pants specifically. when i was little i used to do dance, but the breaking point were these incredibly itchy costumes that were red and made from feathers. i still avoid itchy clothing now.

i hate tight clothes because it feels super constricting, especially when they have a tag on them. it feels like i cant breathe. and by tight clothes i mean fitting clothes, so a slim dress for example or a blouse. actually just anything super tight felt constricting. ever since i was a little kid i would refuse to sleep under the covers and to this day i still dont. all i need is a really warm blanket and wiggle room.

tags in pants are just plain annoying. they’re itchy, they’re uncomfortable, they shift around when you move and are just such a bad texture or feeling. tags in clothes are bearable but are still annoying depending on how they feel and how thick they are.

[hanadolphieron]

lunar artist!yeojin; chapter four~

warnings; space ships, flying in space, space battles, explosions, grenades, fighting, armies, exhaustion, bad dialogue sorry bout that, unconsciousness, prison

genre; sci-fi, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, angst

pairing; im yeojin x gender neutral!reader

word count; 2.1k

summary; your small crater town on the moon was rarely visited. one day, artist!yeojin travels all the way from mars to paint the serene, wistful scenery of your planet.

-----------------------------------------------------------

you’re sweating at this point. hot, itchy perspiration runs down your neck, your arms, all over your body. you don’t care. all that matters now is escape. 

the gates to bexyim are close now. close enough that you can see the people crowding around inside them.

well, it’s not exactly a crowd. more like a small, distanced flock of humans scurrying around. they look terrified, like someone is about to snatch them up and take them away.

and, you notice, somebody just might. 

as you slow your pace to a walk, you catch sight of armored beings, covered in the silver regalia you know belongs to the lunar military.

they patrol through the city, daring people to challenge them.

you recall stories of the drafts that occurred when you were still a kid. your dad was fortunately not called, and your family was safe.

but others weren’t.

some poor mothers lost their whole family to the drafts, and some not only to those, but to the war.

and you’re seeing the aftermath of that right now. 

you emerge through the city gates, being scanned by the flashing lasers inside them, and see the tired faces of the people around you.

and you know the look of exhaustion isn’t just the natural downwards shape of lunar faces.

these people have lost their livelihood, the most important part of lunar life- their family.

all because of that dreadful, burning planet called mars.

you know the moon didn’t start this war.

the resource of your world are spread thin to begin with, there’s no way your government could have made a decision that bad.

i mean, they are politicians, and don’t make the best choices, but still, they would have known better than this.

you keep walking, breathing hard and loudly. you feel self conscious from all the stares being trained on your back, and look down, watching your feet.

a voice calls out to you, “y/n!”

you glance up, seeing your boss.

“oh, hello,” you respond softly.

“we’ve lost contact with you since the war started. where have you been?”

“i’ve actually been at my house. i had no idea there was a war going on!” you giggle, drifting into the shallow, polite persona you use with your company.

“well, we need you to be on the job. now. we’ve been losing journalists by the second, either to the drafts, deaths in the family, or just pure fear. we know you can handle the job.”

“the job?” you question.

“yes, we need someone to be at the frontlines, giving reports on how the battle is going.”

“aren’t there multiple war areas?” you don’t like the sound of this. i mean, go up to the frontlines? and report? who do they think you are?

“yes, you’ll be moving around throughout them. the first station is one to the south of mars, closest to where all the big battles are. we seem to be winning over there, only a ragtag group of soldiers is there, they’re all runaways or have some other thing going on. none of them are as disciplined as the rest of the army. their leader is though. she’s fierce. watch out for her.”

“okay,” you say, “where, where do i go?”

“come with me,” your boss says, leading you towards another street, “do you have anything with you?”

you walk fast to keep up with her pace, “i don’t actually! it was sort of a spontaneous trip here, i was trying to figure out what was going on,” you say, letting out another chuckle.

“there’ll be some supplies on the ship, i’m sure,” your employer easily responds.

out of the corner appears a launchpad. a small ship sits atop it. hopefully it’s just a transport, you don’t fee confident prancing up to the war in such a tiny vessel. 

you don’t feel confident going anywhere near the frontlines to begin with, but duty calls.

laylia, your boss, doesn’t even stop, continuing onto the ship. you follow, helpless. everything is moving so fast. 

“well, guess this is where we part. have fun y/n,” she calls, already leaving.

“yeah, uh, see you!” your voice barely makes it out, the door is already closing and air whistles around you, carrying you into the air.

you clutch the side of the ship, not used to the movement.

after you make it into the atmosphere and turn on the hyperdrive, you make you way to a seat and plonk down.

exhaustion overtakes you, and despite your nerves, you pass out on the chair.

-----------------------------------------------------------

blaring red sirens awake you a few hours later and you sit up way too fast, making your eyes have a seizure and fill up with colored parallelograms.

falling up into a standing positions, head still spinning, you look around.

you notice something in the side window. another ship. a marsian one.

gasping, you urgently glance around, searching for someone who knows what they’re doing and can hopefully help you.

everything begins to set in.

you could die. right now. right this very second. and what have you done with the time you’ve had?

someone grabs you by the shoulder and you’re jolted out of your thoughts.

“hey, you’re the journalist, right?” they ask you.

“yeah,” your voice shakes.

“come with me, we have to go,” the solider says, and seeing your nervous expression adds, “you won’t get hurt, i promise, we’ll protect you. i’ll protect you.”

the soldier continues to stare into your eyes.

who the heck is this kid? you think. are they really trying to flirt in the middle of a life-threatening situation? you shake your head, stepping forward and pushing them to move along.

the two of you run towards the doorway, which has somehow docked at an enemy ship.

an enemy ship?

hold the shuckadoddle frickety frack up. you can’t do this anymore. regretting everything, you tell yourself to stop, anxiety taking over your mind.

your legs don’t listen to your thoughts, and you keep running.

escaping and heading into danger because of impulsive decisions seems to be a constant theme in your life. hmm.

explosions fill your ears. you can’t see them, only the grey walls boxing you in the quiet metal ground disappearing under your feet.

your eyes are trained on the floor beneath you, but you somehow take in everything around you. peripheral vision seems to work double-time in emergencies.

soldiers rush forward in the other corridors, going the same direction as you.

they’re just blurs, silver numbers moving as a group, dispensable and unimportant. 

the person leading you hasn’t given you a weapon. you’re defenseless. but hey, when have you ever not been? you have no idea how to use a gun.

adrenaline takes over. you’re the most confident you’ve ever been since that one time when you were little and your mom bought you high heels and you got to walk around the house like a venusian model.

the memory makes you sad. you haven’t seen your mother in years. you might not ever see her again. 

regret flashes through your mind.

you push it away.

the explosions are near. you hear them before you see them.

thundering, blasting booms echo through your eardrums, becoming the only thing you can hear.

next, you see them.

smoke wafts toward you, mixed with sparks.

then before you can register it, a crash erupts and orange fire comes streaking towards you.

the soldier pulls you down behind a doorway, and the fire goes past.

they move as soon as the fire goes past.

“come on, we have to hurry!”

you can barely hear them over your own fear. it’s the only thing going through your mind.

you chase after the soldier, probably running to your doom but who cares at this point. you have nowhere else to go.

you reach the hanger, where the battle is commencing. sliding to a stop behind a crate, you catch your breath, heaving, almost spitting all over the solider.

they seem to be in a better state than you. stupid trained military.

“turn on your comm,” the soldier speaks to you. 

“how?”

they reach over and push a button.

“talk. report something.”

“uhm. ok,” oh dear how are you going to do this.

still breathing hard, you pant into the microphone, “we’re in the main hanger of ship 456,” you read off the crate you’re slouched against, “lunar reinforcements are coming in by the second. we seem to be in the lead, our troops are hiding behind crates and have shelter. ships are blowing up from explosions thrown at the other side,” you pause, catching your breath, you’re speed-talking into the microphone.

remembering what your boss said, you say, “the general doesn’t seem to be here. just a rag-tag army of shorties. let’s go luna!”

turning off the comm, you belch a sigh. 

then your world turns upside down. a sound like a sonic boom pushes at your eardrums. your vision goes green and purple for a second. you black out.

-----------------------------------------------------------

yeojin almost falls again. laughing you shriek at her, “yeojin! this is the fortieth time! get yourself together!” the last part comes out in a purposefully strangled voice, one you use whenever you’re yelling but don’t want to yell because you’re not mad, just overly excited.

she trips over her ice skates, cackling over your words. you barely catch her this time, arms weak with happiness.

you pull her up, holding her close to you. she’s touching your arms, holding onto them, leaning in closer, looking as happy as can be.

but something isn’t right. 

you feel nervous. 

something’s coming.

yeojin’s face falls, and your sight shifts.

you’re dreaming. yeojin isn’t here. 

eyes opening, you shudder and flinch with the harsh reality of waking up. you’re not safe. you have to run.

making a start, trying to get away from a place you haven’t even looked at, you’re caught by restraints.

finally registering your location, you realize where you are.

in a prison cell.

panicking harder now, you push against the cuffs clasped around your wrists and ankles.

you’re breathing hard, but if feels like you’ve been holding your breath, submerged under water.

you’re drowning.

thoughts fill your mind. you can’t look at them, pushing them away, the only emotion in your system is fear. it’s propelling you. the only thing keeping you going. you need it.

sharp exhales fill the room. you don’t realize it’s you.

a deep voice, that special kind of scary government-esque voice that means serious trouble, breaks through, “hey!”

cutting through your mind like a knife, your mind shifts to the right side of the room where the voice is coming from, hyperfocusing on all the details.

white light comes from the ceiling. it reflects off of the metal walls, the same color as the ones you ran through before. it feels like it’s been days since then. maybe it has.

the person who possesses the voice moves toward you, quickly and with purpose. their shoes clack across the black floor. 

they move past the other holding devices, ones that look exactly like the one you’re in- upright but titled at an angle, putting the prisoner in an awkward vulnerable position, cuffs around the ends, a cold feel of despair and fear crawling on them like slime.

other soldiers flood through the door. two of them. they follow the first one.

the three officials stand in front of you. silent. 

then they start whispering to each other. you don’t say anything. can’t actually, your voice box has gone unresponsive and clogged.

turning to you, the one seemingly in charge, barks, “what do you know about ha sooyoung?”

you freeze for a moment. you have no idea who that name belongs to.

“i- i don’t know,” you breath out.

“what?” the man steps closer to you, getting in your face.

“i don’t know!” you say louder this time, voice hitch.

“really? why are you here then?” the man doesn’t move away. you can smell his breath. peppermints, smoke, and death.

“i’m a reporter,” you say, clearer this time. hopefully there isn’t any harm in saying that. ratting out your country is the last thing you want to do.

“well then you must know all about her,” the officer stresses the all, moving closer.

you’re shaking at this point.

“i promise i don’t. i haven’t been to any major city in years. i- i don’t know anything. nothing.”

“i don’t believe you. no way you’re telling the truth. you sound too suspicious. not even knowing about ha sooyoung? your own general? impossible. kerek, get out the electrifier.”

“wait! no! please!” you scream without even registering your words. electrifier? this has to be a dream. you’re not going to be tortured. no. this can’t be happening. you can’t do this.

kerek, one of the man’s accomplices, moves to the edge of the room, retrieving the device. 

then he stops. a noise comes from the right side of the room where the door is.

someone opened it. they’re now standing in the doorway.

they move forward into the light, illuminating their small figure.

you can’t believe your eyes.

it’s yeojin.

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masterlist - previous - next

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[whatamievendoingherern]

TALKING TO EXPLOSION BOY (BNHA)

Cat: Lil floof and if you squint, angst

Agender! Reader was nervous about their internship with Thirteen already, but throw in the sparky porcupine? Anxiety maxed out. But surprisingly, he just isn’t as explosive as usual. (Reader has a fire related quirk)

Y/N remembered when they first decided to try out for cross country.

It was the summer before 8th grade when they vowed to make themself into a person they could like. Their sister had given them a ride to the school, they’d retied their sneakers about fifteen times on the way, and they’d practically had a death grip on that poor plastic water bottle.

They’d been so nervous that they refused to get out of the car. They remembered knowing absolutely nobody on the team, feeling so socially inept because they hadn't talked to anybody all summer. It wasn't until their sister reassured them that they finally found themself unlocking the door.

That's what they thought internships were gonna be like.

But rather than the hellish experience their middle school self endured, it was quite different.

They chose to intern with Thirteen to learn how to use their quirk in rescue scenarios. Thirteen, who they’d recently learned went by xe/xyr pronouns, was a pretty nice person, who took their wall of awkwardness and formality into consideration.

Y/N was finally letting the wall drip down a bit, allowing Thirteen to see their real personality. And the acceptance was nice.

That's why they didn't really mind it when Thirteen said xe needed to drop by Best Jeanist's agency. Something to do with the author and plot lines.

So they followed Thirteen through the building, politely smiling at the passersby they happened to make eye contact with. The two stopped at a door in the building, pushing it open, and just like that feeling of finding someone you know in your home town, Y/N felt like they’d been smacked with frying pan.

Bakugo and Y/N made eye contact from both sides of the room, a silence as his hair sprung back to its normal state.

Oof.

If the rest of the Bakusqud were here, Y/N probably would've been able to sneak in a laugh under Mina, Sero, and Kaminari’s cackling, but alas that was not the case. And despite the self destructive ramblings of Y/N’s rather common mental breakdowns, they valued their life.

Best Jeanist sighed as though this weren't the first time this occurred, flicking his comb into his pocket. "Thirteen." He said in greeting. "What brings you here?"

"I just need to do some touch ups on the paperwork for the collab takedown we did last week. Turns out the villains quirk wasn't energy mutation." Xe replied, while Y/N suddenly begun to wish they had Hagakure's quirk instead as Bakugo’s eyes burned into their skull.

"Is that your intern?"

Uh oh.

"Yep," Thirteen said, pushing Y/N forward much to their dismay. "They’ve got quite the quirk."

Best Jeanist hummed in response, having been there in the stadium. He remembered sending them an invite to intern with him after the festival, but he supposed they were searching for something specific.

"You two are in the same class right?" Best Jeanist asked. Y/N stiffened as he acknowledged Bakugo's presence. Without waiting for a response, he carried on, "You two stay here. Thirteen, the reports in my office."

And despite every cell in their body yelling at the two to stay, the door closed behind the two leaving both Bakugo and Y/N in immediate discomfort.

Silence.

Y/N looked around the room at anything and everything except for Bakugo. They spotted a chair, the only other one in the room placed right across from the blonde porcupine.

With an internal groan, they shuffled over to the chair, sitting uncomfortably still as they pulled out their phone. They stared at the screen, pretending to be doing something while attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with the whatever deity above was listening.

Whatever I did to deserve this, I am so sorry. It'll never happen again, bro, just get me tf outta here rn before my soul skrrt skrrts from my body-

Oh no, now their nose was itchy. The temptation was there, but the risk of drawing attention was even greater. Were they gonna sneeze? Were there tissues in here? Jeez did hearts always beat so loudly? And what is up with the whole breathing thing? It sounds like there's gonna be a whole goddamn tornado-

"Hey. Depressed Flambé."

Y/N hesitantly looked up from their screen, wondering if they placed their funeral plans in an obvious enough location. Top left drawer of their dresser, beneath their will. Dang they forgot to write if they wanted red camellias or white camellias. Surely class 1-A would know they were a red camellias type of lad. And they had to change the song from "Thriller" to "E-Girls Are Ruining My Life", ya know, get with the times-

"I know you're avoiding me. Your damn phone isn't even on." Bakugo's brash voice said, and they suddenly felt like dropping an anvil on their head.

Y/N gave a smile that may as well have said, "I've been caught" and tucked the phone into their pockets where their hands could fidget out of view.

Silence.

Depressed Flambé, Y/N pondered.

They hadn't thought they had a nickname, they figured since they had barely interacted with him all year that they were in the clear.

Guess not.

Their thoughts and the room stayed radio silent for a bit before they hesitantly spoke up, "Trying out a new hair style?"

"Mention it to the rest of 1-A and I’ll kill you!" He barked defensively, huffing when he saw them flinch almost unnoticeably. "He won't let me patrol with him until I 'reform my appearance' or some bullshit like that."

Y/N nodded, though they didn't really see much difference. He was intimidating either way, one just made him look a little more idiotic. "Some bullshit sounds about right." Y/N replied, trying to let themself relax.

Bakugo seemed content with their response, and once again the two fell into silence. And just like a hand reaching out, they felt their voice wanting to come out, to keep talking, but maybe he didn't want to. Maybe it'd be better to take the chance and have no regrets later? But what if he just told them to shut up? They probably would never get over that. It was probably best if they-

"How's your internship?" Bakugo asked, clearly uncomfortable with asking the question. He wasn't even making eye contact which was supposed to be Y/N’s thing.

By the author's grace, was this the power of those behind the divine fourth wall?

"It's good!" Y/N said, a little too quickly for their liking.

Stupid social anxiety.

"Um, Thirteen's trying to teach me how to use my quirk in rescues." They added slowing their words, before their voice lowered into a murmur. "I just kind of wish I knew that they don't really teach fighting techniques."

"Well why don't you teach yourself?" He asked.

Why do you have such good hearing, they thought. "I mean I tried a while ago, but I wouldn’t know where to start."

"Is the phone you were using to avoid me just for show or can you actually use it? Just look some up or walk yourself to a library."

OML THIS IS A HISTORICAL MOMENT HE GOT THROUGH A SENTENCE WITHOUT CURSING OR INSULTING ANYBODY IM SO PROUD OF YOU, BRO, WE NEED TO CELEBRATE THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION- "I guess that make sense." Y/N replied, sheepish but surprised.

They really thought it would be like that first day at cross country. Like everyone would be looking at them, judging them, ostracizing them. But it was all their head, just as it was then, just as it was now.

There was a gap of (you guessed it) silence, but this time it was less awkward, more...comfortable.

"It's too bad, Best Jeanist, isn't what you thought he would be." Y/N said.

He hummed in response.

"It seems more like he's trying to change you than train you." They thought aloud.

"It's annoying. I wish he'd finish this damn haircut, so I can skip to the fun part, and kick somebody’s ass."

Y/N snorted audibly. "If it's about getting it to stay, I think I can help."

Bakugo raised an eyebrow, which before may have had them thinking they were on his kill list, but now not so much. "You do hair?"

"I mean, I take care of mine almost every morning, and I'm pretty good with gel at this point so why not?" They shrugged.

"Hurry up then, I don't want to have to do this for any longer than I have to."

"Your hair is surprisingly soft."

"Shut up, Flambé!"

"Seriously, what conditioner do you use?"

"I WILL BLOW YOU UP RIGHT NOW!"

•••

"Thanks for stopping by Thirteen, it's been nice." Best Jeanist said, as the two stepped out of his office.

Thirteen replied. "No problem. See you around."

The two turned to the other duo and though neither visibly shown it, the surprise remained present.

"Did you do his hair?" Thirteen asked in mild confusion.

Best Jeanist was past the point of mere confusion, he was borderline baffled. "You fixed it?!"

Y/N tucked away a comb granted by the author, "Magic."

"Are we gonna patrol now or what?" Bakugo asked, a grin tugging at his lips.

Even though it looked borderline evil, Y/N was still pretty proud they made him smile. Even if he looked like he was about commit a homicide.

A/N Feel free to hit me up via anything if you have any requests. Whether it’s headcanons, scenarios, or different pronouns lemme know! I really like writing these and wanna make everybody feel ✨comfy✨💕

[vinylhazza]

ethan being sick and begging you to suck him off because he wants you to take his pain away temporarily

“i’m dying this is what’s happening my life is ending and i haven’t planned my funeral or beat the last level on my batman game,” ethan is groaning from the his side of the bed, pathetic and small under the heap of covers on top of his limp body. you wanted to cuddle but you needed to tidy up the room just a bit or you would surely go insane from the clothes strung all over the wooden floor, bed, and chair.

it’s never messy in his room but he’s a sick mopy mess so you thought you would help out knowing how annoying and whiny men get when they are sick. hence ethan’s over dramatic testament.

so you’re bustling around picking up cups and making little comments here and there:

“a banana peel ethan? really?”

“you haven’t even worn these shorts yet why are they on the floor?”

“okay that’s it, this is the last cup i better find in here or i’m gonna flip”

and he would be laughing at your irritated voice and try and kiss it away for you but he’s so fucking sick he can’t even find he energy to pay attention. you sound like his mother and he hates it but he feels like he literally can’t move. he’s been stumbling around the house sneezing his soul out at every 10 second periods that the energy has drained away from him and leave him to be a stiff lump under the covers. all he’s good for at this point is whining.

he wants to cuddle. he wants to cuddle so bad, but his best friend at the moment is a pale blue box of tissues that are half empty from him blowing his face off for so long. his nose his red, itchy, and sore and his cheeks are puffy and pale. he doesn’t look good. perfect to you as always but to anyone else he probably looks like death. but when you hear his statement you are whipping around.

“e baby you aren’t dying you’re just sick quit being a whiner,” you smile softly at him, stepping close and leaning onto the bed to kiss his cheek despite his quiet warnings that he is a walking sickness machine.

“but i ammmm i just want some lovin’ but i’m tired” he’s mumbling, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear gently. his tone is suggestive and he’s fiddling with the necklace he got you for christmas, sparkling against his face from the light of the lamp. he couldn’t handle the natural light from his window - moaning that it was too bright and was just mother nature mocking his headache.

“bubba you’re a little too tired to do anything aren’t you? you can’t even move,” you’re trying to be rational but it’s hard because you would never turn down any sexual moment with ethan even if he is sick. he was the one denying all the attention all day and warning you away like he had the plague.

“yeah but maybe you could...give me a little somethin for my troubles?” he smirks with hopeful puppy dogs eyes, now moving to twirl a lock of your hair around his finger.

“a little something for your troubles huh?” a sly smile is cast across your face at the look in his eyes, honestly excited because he hasn’t even let you touch him except for him spooning you during the night since the day he got sick. you have been having to beg to even lay against his chest when he naps. he loves his girl, just doesn’t wanna get you sick. and honestly you wanted to help him out cause it might help you out too, seeing him all worked up again. “such an inconvinence isn’t it?” you mutter with a teasing gleam.

he’s nodding with his bottom lip out in a pout, brown eyes gleaming up just drinking in all the sympathy he can get so he feels a little better. he still can’t breathe that well but when the cover finally drops and the cold air hits the skin that was showing just under his hoodie, he’s sucking in a breath and clutching your hand - wanting you to help him but hating the cold so so much.

ethan watches as your bat his hand away with a giggle, assuring him he’ll be warm in no time. you quickly remove his joggers with urgent fingers, wanting to get the show on the road seeming as you were just as eager to have him in your mouth as he was to be in it.

he hoped you knew how much he appreciates you doing this when he’s been so yucky and gross. but you would never think of ethan in any other way than your honey - he was just a bit sick that’s all.

he complies by lifting his hips when you tug at the band of his boxers, knowing he’s rock hard and being slightly impressed that he got that worked up just by the thought of you sucking him off but knowing it’s been a few days and that seems to be a lot when it came to you guys. he normally can’t keep his greedy hands off of you.

he watches with a ghost of a smile as you tug the boxers down so he springs free and all the way down to his feet and toss them to the end of the bed.

“make you feel all better,” you whisper absentmindedly, knowing it’s not going to fix the virus persay but it’s gonna make him feel better for a little while and get his body amped up for a bit.

“thank you swee- h-holy shit okay,” he’s overwhelmed already by your warm hand that comes to wrap around him. his voice is shaky and little coming from such a big man.

“holy shii- okay that’s-“ he breathes when he feels your hot palm circle around him, squeezing lightly. his voice is gravely but he gets the point across well. you’re smoothing some of his precum that oozed from the tip down his base, alluringly clutching his dick and smirking at the fact it is much more smooth and wet and easier to rub.

your movements are slow at first, wanting to ease him into it and give him a slow burn so it would last longer for him because he just looks so excited. it’s a slow up, down, and twist of your wrist with heavy eye contact. you’re thumbing the slit quickly back and forth making his cock jump in your hands and his body jolted with a gutteral moan, drawn out and heavy.

“fuck that felt good baby”, he’s admitting through quivering lips. he really looks like he might cry with how good you’re already making him feel.

you were taking your time. it was honestly because you were nervous and excited to get him in your mouth at the same time. it just seemed like everytime you saw him bare he got bigger. you would never tell him that he already had a massive ego. you always tease him about being small and it usually gets him into an angry possessive sex mood and you love it too much to ruin it with admitting he’s actually massive. he knows it anyway. when you usually say these things he fucks you against every surface of the house and he didn’t give a damn WHO was in the house, just that you know his dick is the only one you’re ever going to need.

he did look quite cute laying down all snuggled in his hoodie, the neckline just low enough to show his mouth. you could’ve giggled but he kept twitching in your hand and making it hard to concentrate. his girth his heavy in your palm, so fucking hard so fast.

he’s looking at you with timid eyes, tucking fringe back when you lean down to give his tip a sweet kiss. the sight of your hot plump lips laying against the tip affectionately, passionately, almost like you loved it, sent another moan ripping through him quickly.

your eyes closed and your lips envelope him after waiting so long to get him as hard as he could get, so tight and wet. you’re twirling your tongue and rolling it on him.

“roll your tongue on me- yes yes like that keep doing that- oh,” he’s whimpering and clutching your hair in his hand, slipping the the hoodie higher over his stomach from started to sweat and getting too hot.

you’re suckling on his cock like a pacifier, wide doe eyes blinking at him under long eyelashes. he groaned and his hips threatened to buck. you know he’s completely not concerned about how sick he is at this point, just about your warm wet mouth working on him. your pussy is clenching and pulsing, craving him being up inside you. but you want to just ease him into this and if you would have him inside you at this point you would just ride him until you black out so that wouldn’t be the best option.

he’s panting heavily when you take a hard lick against the head of his dick, tonguing the slit and swirling it for added torture. your hand wraps around his base once more.

you’re rubbing him up and down fast, spreading spit over his length to make your hands that much smoother against him.

“this making you feel better bubba?” your voice is thick and sweet like honey, dripping with seduction.

“yes,” he swallows hard, voice tiny and desperate. he’s all but massaging your scalp as you sink down on his dick repeatedly.

you speed up to a steady pace, twisting one hand to meet your mouth on the way down, focusing on his erratic breathing and the gasps and whimpers he would let escape from his slack mouth. focused on the tightening of his stomach and hand in your hair.

“shiittt- mhm im gonna cum,” he warns you urgently, lifting his hips into your mouth to face fuck you gently with the energy he had left.

“give me all of it bubba,” low voice pushing him further to that place. you look up at his face once more and moan around him when you notice color had come back to his face, rosy cheeks to match his rosy nose.

you knew what was coming and you were prepared to catch it all. you hummed around him and with that he yelled out, finishing in your mouth in hot spurts shooting onto your tongue. it just keeps coming. he’s letting go so hard his thighs are quivering, his head is thrown back, mouth open, moaning loud, eyes watering, totally gone.

you suction your lips when you come up, keeping all of it inside and taking his face in your hand, making him look as you swallow. that has him shooting a little more from the tip, kind of embarrassed at this point that he came that hard but feeling so good and warm he doesn’t care.

“fuck you’re too good to me,” he chuckles, a drunk dazed looking smile coming to his face. you laugh lightly, lowering yourself down to have him wrap his big arms around you. you have to take the crap you picked up to the kitchen but you’re honestly horny as fuck so you might have to fix your own situation before you can even think about continuing to clean.

“you deserve it bubba,” you mutter, kissing and sucking on his neck, pulling the covers back up to cover his lower half and over your shoulders. his breathing is becoming heavy, the blood flowing through him easier now he feels like. he’s sleepy and your lips on his neck feel so good that he’s slipping into sleep again. so thankful for his angel.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: [So, the night before this friendmas, which is probably the next day from the nativity moment, like this is the first day of the holiday vibe] Janis: We're still on for their friendmas bullshit? Jimmy: can't 😭 off Janis: It's still worth it Janis: for the amount of damage that can be done in one sitting Jimmy: it were my 🥇💡 don't need telling Janis: Checking you were still up for it Janis: and we have to make the food to bring Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Helpful as that is, what do you want to make and where do you want to make it? Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: my grandparents Jimmy: nearer yours or mine? Janis: yours Janis: mine is near nothing Jimmy: come here then Janis: alright Janis: just trying to think of ways to sneak calories into shit without pouring butter onto a salad Jimmy: look up thanksgiving recipes, they're known for that bollocks Janis: okay Janis: and you'll be...? Jimmy: cleaning my kitchen, that alright with you? Janis: Fine Jimmy: 👌 Janis: My sister thinks Mia might invite her boyfriend Jimmy: 💰 on him not showing up Janis: What I said Janis: in case he does though Janis: she was useless with any other info Jimmy: 💔 her and this group chat Jimmy: not actually that bothered what Asia might wear Janis: 🙄 Janis: how much freedom is there with a fucking jumper Janis: she said they don't eat fuck all sustaining but no shit there, hence the plan Jimmy: [sends her a pic I saw of a real jumper that has the tit cut out and like a red reindeer nose over the person's nip or something I can't remember] Janis: Oh Janis: 🤢🤢🤢 Janis: distract from the teeth but nah Jimmy: Dunno who's got her for the 🎁 giving but 🤞 for invisalign Janis: budget kit that ain't dentist-approved I saw on insta Janis: 🤞 it'll fuck her up harder Jimmy: all teeth to no teeth Janis: fit in with 💀👑 and 💀#2 Jimmy: mash 🥔 or 🍠 it is Janis: 🍠 is too vom-inducing as is Janis: hide 💊s in it like 👶🐶 Jimmy: is that marshmallow thing bollocks or what? Janis: nah, that's legit Janis: we could do that Janis: cultural Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: you can cover everyone's plates in gravy Janis: not a euphemism Janis: #northern Jimmy: I'd have a job if you were expecting the euphemism Janis: you're alright Janis: amusing, but suspicious when I'm not touching my plate Jimmy: very trusting of you to crack on with any of it as is Janis: I doubt they're wasting laxatives on me Janis: skinny enough Janis: it'll just be gross Jimmy: weren't where my 🧠 went but alright Janis: ? Janis: oh, very Agatha Christie Janis: not gonna kill themselves to kill me, I'll watch the plates and serving up Jimmy: nowt rich lasses won't monogram, theirs'll be safe and sound Janis: what about yours? Janis: you might get roofied Jimmy: take my chances downing the gravy, too northern for owt else, you said it Janis: that'll be nice Jimmy: 😍 obvs Janis: I meant for me when I inevitably have to 💋 you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: it's at #2s Janis: odds on a 👑 shrine somewhere? Jimmy: near her 🛏 Janis: under it when she's about Janis: in it when she ain't 💔 Jimmy: we don't have to sleep there in a bit, do we? Janis: oh bollocks Janis: I'm sure we can get out of it, as we technically were not invited Janis: pretty sure they do a sleepover too though Janis: any excuse Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: I know Jimmy: I'm going down the shop, what bollocks do we need? Janis: [a list I'm not committing you to but we know the vibe] Janis: I've already got [shit we're stealing soz mcvickers] Jimmy: alright Jimmy: if you get here before I'm back, my sister'll let you in Janis: did she come to the nativity with yous? Jimmy: dragged kicking and marding, weren't that what I said? Janis: right Janis: apologies for doubting you Jimmy: tah Janis: what about the kid? Jimmy: what about him? Janis: where'd he end up on the scale Jimmy: we don't have a scale for him Janis: 😭 to 😁 Jimmy: near ☹️ Janis: no tears, at least Jimmy: can sign what we like without being those dickheads shouting out 🦻 perks Janis: that is useful Jimmy: and the 🐕's got somewhere new to sleep an' all Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: totally worth the money we didn't spend then Janis: can have these jumpers too after Jimmy: ain't yours itchy? Janis: feels like I'm wearing a barbershop floor Janis: but I didn't reckon your dog would be that fussy Jimmy: meant to be your specialist subject Janis: like ☕ is yours? Janis: not my passion, it's easy money Jimmy: there ain't much to know about ☕ don't need passion Janis: 🤫 Janis: you 💘 every bean Jimmy: it's only 💕 for your sister and her mates Janis: anything but getting a personality Janis: I know Jimmy: gotta put something in their bio Janis: 'IM AN EMPTY VESSEL' comes off desperate, even on tinder Jimmy: as 🤰 pact's go Janis: don't even Jimmy: very festive Janis: messiahs aren't being popped out 5 at a time Jimmy: they'd never be satisfied with 3 🎁s any road Jimmy: full baby shower or nowt Janis: yeah Janis: no doubt Grace will be torturing me with as much any time soon Jimmy: 🍾🍾🍾 Janis: 🔨🔨🔨 Jimmy: 👶👶👶👶👶 Janis: have to smash the poor bastards and all Janis: not worth thinking about Jimmy: ⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️⚰️ Janis: yeah funerals are much better craic Janis: have as many of them as she likes Jimmy: matching the shades of black'll do her head in Janis: 🤞 Janis: the breakdown will give her a personality Janis: got there in the end, babes Jimmy: @ me Jimmy: be on the edge of my seat waiting to find out Janis: if your details don't get lost when you change back to your real identity Jimmy: 💔 I can't be @ing you on the off chance, be coming off as desperate an' all, me Janis: doubt she'll be so bombastic herself she'll turn down a DM request Janis: have a go, like Janis: dare to 💭 Jimmy: just pop in using my 👻 form, can't I? Jimmy: keep it between us Janis: my lips are sealed Janis: how you use your afterlife is your business Jimmy: got nowt else on Janis: optimistic Janis: you might be moving to 🥳 central Jimmy: Go on, where's that? Janis: Ian in the know, not me Jimmy: dare to 💭 Janet Janis: I don't care where I end up Janis: just not here is fine Jimmy: weren't talking about you, big head Janis: Not too fussed where you end up either Janis: not gonna lie Jimmy: What did you bring it up for then? Janis: You're moving Janis: you said Jimmy: and? Jimmy: 🥳 central were what you said, not me Janis: I don't know what you're getting at Jimmy: if you're not bothered, what are you getting at? Jimmy: no need to 🗨 bollocks were something else you said Janis: I was just messing about, both statements Janis: I didn't know everything I 🗨 had to be deadly serious Jimmy: I didn't know there were 1 rule for you and another for me Janis: it's a bit different from you calling me a slag but fine Janis: you've made your point Jimmy: nah, the point were that I were never calling you a slag Janis: you were joking, okay Jimmy: but go on and take it to your ⚰ Janis: I'm trying to have a normal conversation with you right now and you're the one being moody Jimmy: you're the one who said we don't need to have a conversation Janis: well we clearly do when we have shit to do Jimmy: we've sorted the 🍽 Janis: right, so tell me to piss off then Jimmy: and have to piss about cooking on my own? You're alright Jimmy: nowt like the threat of a good time, that Janis: then what Jimmy: then come here Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [this won't be awkward at all] Janis: [the tension and the kids are home so that'll not be remotely getting dealt with] Jimmy: [cos I'm evil like that hahaha, we're gonna both be so extra at friendmas, love it] Janis: [it also makes sense like if school is out now where you gonna be hens, truly idk what you're gonna say though girl] Jimmy: [like you could've hooked up on the trampoline but you would probably freeze to death and also Twix wouldn't allow it soz lads] Janis: [not on my watch Twix says, at least you can focus on making this side dish the weirdest most calorific moment] Jimmy: [having fun in spite of yourselves as per] Janis: [I want you to apologize but also not but that is difficile hmm, probably later if you get vaguely tipsy at this event] Jimmy: [and get swept away by the emoshness of fake gifting] Janis: [we know there will be plenty of time for moments abound then] Jimmy: [you'll be bored rigid otherwise] Janis: [mhmm and this is far from over hunnies] Jimmy: [whatever you do don't let Twix eat that while you're shamelessly distracted acting like it's all nbd] Janis: [or the kids lmao lowkey gotta hide this monstrosity when you're done] Jimmy: [hide it when you go 🚬 boy because we're stressed by the fact that whenever we try to have fun rn we then remember she said it was a mistake] Janis: [oh this misunderstanding, 'cos we only said it 'cos we thought that's what he was saying basically, lordy, also hate being left in his house like excuse me do I go now or] Jimmy: [what a time to wish you weren't alive] Janis: [coming out 'cos fuck just waiting or leaving, 'is there anything else we need to do?'] Jimmy: [automatically passes her a  🚬 because that bitch] Janis: [takes it like true, can't hurt] Jimmy: ['what time's the last bus?' cos he's assuming she's going home and that she's probably missed it] Janis: [shakes head 'I'll stay at my grandparents, no need to go home now'] Jimmy: [a look around like alright where's that because the ankle is still a thing and we're still worried about it] Janis: [a genuine oh-you kinda smile 'cos honestly 'literally a couple of streets from here, actually] Jimmy: [nods like okay, we'll go when you're ready cos obvs he's walking her whether she likes it or not] Janis: ['don't need an early night for friendmas, do we' like excuse you, I might have plans] Jimmy: [shrugs 'bit of a ball ache to get the chains of the bed and bring 'em with'] Janis: [😏'you could have a night off'] Jimmy: [makes a point of putting her leg on him to rest and elevate that ankle like no I cannot] Janis: [just looks at it and sighs 'I can't not walk, there's shit to do'] Jimmy: [just looks at her and you know they haven't made eye contact this whole time SO THERE'S THAT 'I know it hurts' in a soft way] Janis: [we gotta look away 'cos byeeeeee, shrugging and mumbling like 'it was just a stupid accident, I'm fine'] Jimmy: [nudging her, not hard obvs like 1. look at me and 2. don't be shrugging at me rn and shaking his head 'a stupid accident that were my fault' like LET ME HELP YOU!!] Janis: [shaking her head for all the reasons and then blurting out 'I'm embarrassed!' then being even more so like ffs] Jimmy: [cupping her little face in his hands the gentlest EVER 'what for?' because she literally has nothing to be embarrassed about] Janis: [looking at him like where do I start lol 'cos this has been so fast and so messy, not to mention the fact you now wanna kiss him and that's one of the things you think you need to be embarrassed over 'I don't need help, that's not- I'm not used to that'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' spoken like it'll be true if he just says it soft and with enough feeling, but then obvs we gotta recover ourselves a bit because vulnerability who is she 'I only were offering to take all them dogs out for a piss for you, not a kidney' but we're still not giving it full pisstake in how we're saying that or being] Janis: [pushing him but gently too, because likewise trying to get back to this more pisstakey energy without going too hard too fast 'not my fault you're like top nurse without even trying then' 'cos you're doing and have done way more than that, we know boy] Jimmy: [lowkey 😳 but we're hiding it with 😏 and the wintery darkness as we nudge her back but turn it into a feelsy lean for a while then giving her his phone like put that dog walking schedule in there girl I mean it] Janis: ['I ain't gonna be able to take your CG shifts, like' and mimes murdering all the customers in various ways but we do lean back too, even if momentarily 'you could meet me for the ones you can and do the hard work, and I'll sit on the bench, yeah?' and puts hand out like deal?] Jimmy: [does a 💔 mime because we would love to see that murder spree but obvs shaking on that legit suggestion with a legit little smile cos we're chuffed she's actually accepting a hand in any way] Janis: ['I can do more hard work with the plan' like all the socials whilst I sit there honey and mimes taking creep shots of him] Jimmy: [OTT 😍 to hide the realness, then he remembers that speaking of, he obvs won't have done a doodle for her today so gesture for her to stay put while we run and get a pen and paper right now immediately but as we're going we turn back like oh! again 'do you want the bag  peas chucked back for a bit?'] Janis: [going to shake our head automatically but then checking ourself like oop 'might freeze to my skin out here, like' shrugs 'but go ahead'] Jimmy: [does bring a blanket with all the other shit because we just wanna be out here away from kids and dogs soz] Janis: [day #1 of this hol and we're done lmao, little kids do be feral when it's this close to xmas, even good ones like bobby] Jimmy: [yeah and don't even start me on how all the pressure for having a good christmas is on him because Ian isn't that bitch and Cass is highkey hoping their mum will appear even though they've moved and that ain't happening babe soz] Janis: [mHMM thank god Ian is a buy your love type so he will get them presents, it's just the rest] Jimmy: [what are you doodling today boy, obvs some kind of domestic af cooking moment but no #spoilers gals] Janis: [just get snuggled in these blankets and make sure he is too] Jimmy: [can't and won't stop the happy sigh because we've been so stressed] Janis: [some joke about art being his 💘 but we're glad obvs] Jimmy: [🙄 but 😏] Janis: [tryna peep at what he is drawing though, obvs x2] Jimmy: [will playfully get you with this pen like oi] Janis: [offended like where's my pen 'play fair' accidentally saucy] Jimmy: [we know he'll give you that pen and just write on you/tickle you in his fave manner, drawing a 🏆 like we're playing to win not fairly hen] Janis: [just loling like get off 'cos ticklish af 'we're meant to be a team, dickhead' and draws her own 🏆 with 'worst sport' in the plaque thing] Jimmy: [draws the JJ 💘 really big and deliberate to really tickle and also make a point like okay] Janis: [a question mark when we've stopped squirming like do you really get it though, also a throwback] Jimmy: [a LOOK like do you] Janis: [just nods and gives the pen back like okay, finish your drawing] Jimmy: [does and again signs it like a big nerd before giving it to her] Janis: [we love it hun but we never know what to say 'tah for not giving away the poison plot in your art like an idiot' and putting it away to photo later in an indoor light moment] Jimmy: [a noise like not an amateur tah and going to make tea because 1.northern 2. it's cold 3. he doesn't know what to say/is awks about his art too] Janis: you're in the wrong profession Jimmy: ? Janis: 1. artiste 2. only old ladies order pots of tea, yeah? Jimmy: 1. why be starving when there's loads of 🍪🥐🥪🍰 going at the job I've got 2. bit sexist to the 👴 Janis: 1. 🐷 2. tell me they ain't always with their 👵 Jimmy: 1. Only 💕🐕's you, I get it 💔🦝🗑 2. sounds fake, so obvs I'll 🗨 it to you, mate Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: miss you an' all Janis: You could see me from there if you really wanted Jimmy: [peeps from the kitchen window like hey] Janis: [waving like oh hey you fool] Jimmy: [signs something feelsy because she won't understand it we're safe] Janis: [big ? in the air} Jimmy: [just loling like nope as we mime confusion like idk what you mean or want rn soz because we're taking that to our grave] Janis: [shouting 'bring me my fucking tea' manners and decorum] Jimmy: [does and a box of some kind of festive biscuit selection that the children have already got at so there's only shit ones left lowkey but still] Janis: ['you know how to treat a girl' when we're saying it like we're joking but not really lmao] Jimmy: [shove a biscuit in your mouth boy so you don't say anything you wish you hadn't and also because we're making a bants point like yeah so romantic me] Janis: [wipe the crumbs from his bottom lip like he did 'oi, I've had an idea' softer than that oi suggests, we're not shouting now lol] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her lips once she's touched his like is that your idea, focus please sir 'go on'] Janis: [failing to pretend we didn't notice that but still carry on tah 'well #2 and every fucker on her street is gonna have excessive lights and decorations about, what do you reckon to shrinking their energy bill? if we go out when they're asleep, they'll not notice, and we could get back here and do your house before your brother and sister wake up' like how magical even you will love it don't lie cass] Jimmy: [when you can't help genuinely grinning because that's such a good idea we're falling in love rn okay like he's gonna have felt so bad about not having the time, money or energy to decorate, gotta recover ourselves again quick so does an IRL 🤞 'all her pink glittery baubles'll really get Ian in the christmas spirit' but really we're not thinking about him and it'll look epic Janis: [grin back 'cos it's infectious ''cos no way am I sleeping in a room with that lot in' and shrug like, we may as well, as if you remotely had to suggest anything of the sort] Jimmy: ['give us nightmares if all them calories don't' never miss a opportunity to shade the flatwhites honey] Janis: ['I can protect you from them, but not the calories, I'm so sorry' 😏] Jimmy: [eats another biscuit like I reckon I'll live] Janis: [an impression of a Mia shade face like you fat bitch] Jimmy: [an impression of Ella being 😭💔 DEVASTATED] Janis: [snatching the tin like no more for you, and getting one all smug like delicious] Jimmy: [OTT Jimothy pout because always] Janis: [flippant 'deal with it, babes' 'cos mustn't linger LOOKING at him again] Jimmy: [cringing in a way that is OTT but not that fake because she's too good at these impressions and chucking the blanket over her head like begone] Janis: [had enough years of this hoe being present to be an expert, just pulling the blanket down and around our shoulders like ha ha more for me, but gesturing that he should move closer and get under to keep warm too] Jimmy: [does because any excuse to snuggle and likewise play with her hair like it's so in my way rn lemme just] Janis: [hence I got you the present I did honey heheheh, know we're likewise here for this] Jimmy: [just having a moment ™] Janis: [one of the kids should need you or Twix should start wildin' soz boys] Jimmy: [yeah realistically it could be time for Bobby to go to bed depending what time she came over/he could have woken up] Janis: [either way honey, you better skeddale so he can sort this] Jimmy: [we know you're both fuming but especially him because he was gonna carry you to mcvickers gaff] Janis: [soz boy, you can be the most tomorrow though] Jimmy: [we both know he will LOL] Jimmy: [also gonna say he opens up at the CG because putting in a quick shift and doing any dog walking he can for the bae all before this friendmas has even started is just the difference between him and the gals, with the exception of Grace] Janis: [wig tea sis] Jimmy: [tired before you even get there] Janis: [we are that sick of y'all so it's a mood, frankly, but for now] Janis: night Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you better be hopping back, dickhead Janis: [video of her hopping like don't fall] Jimmy: 🥇🏆💪 you Jimmy: 🦩 goals if nowt else Janis: 🤔 not not a compliment Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the first bit were Janis: True Janis: pretend I didn't see the rest Jimmy: 🙈🙈🙈 Janis: I've learnt my lesson with blindfolds, tah Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: and here's me with no chance to find out if sir's gonna be more receptive to my kinks Janis: find out if he's alright with broken bones Janis: gonna say unlikely, he flipped his shit over some cut ties Jimmy: @ something about virgin school girls Janis: mhmm Janis: he'd much rather injure you than the other way 'round Janis: it's alright, maybe tomorrow Janis: don't need to be blinded by the decor tbh Jimmy: should've got you a onesie to zip over your head, up for that challenge, massive though it is Janis: oh yeah, the gimp range Janis: 🙄 Janis: you have to pretend to be pleased to see my beautiful face, remember Jimmy: tah for the reminder, would've forgot and done full Home Alone 😱 Janis: yeah, you're about as annoying as that little fucker Janis: tracks Jimmy: rude Jimmy: you'd be chuffed if I had his house Janis: what for? Janis: so I could get you tenants and take the cash? Jimmy: 'cause what's fake mine is fake yours Jimmy: and you must have a bigger 🧠 in that MASSIVE head than the robbers he had to see off Janis: if I was worried about that, I'd let Mia make the moves she wants to Jimmy: so ominous, that Janis: 💋 not 💀 Jimmy: I'd rather 💀💀💀 Jimmy: but you crack on Janis: that's why I said IF I gave a fuck Jimmy: if as massive as her 😍 for her daddy, I get it Janis: thank god it's at Ella's Janis: wouldn't be getting away from hers unmolested Jimmy: can't move for mistletoe, I bet Janis: Baby, it's cold outside Janis: 😈 Jimmy: What IS in that drink? 😏 Janis: me checking yours tomorrow so they don't do my job for me Jimmy: Bill's 👻'll only let us have owt off each other's lips, it'll take fucking ages to 💀💀💀 Janis: you're just an actor on his stage and a player in his 🌍 Janis: have to suck it up and deal with the torture Jimmy: 👍 Janis: No enthusiasm needed 'til tomorrow Janis: 👋 then Jimmy: don't need an early night, you said Janis: your brother seemed like he did though Janis: not trying to get in the way of that top brother 🏆 Jimmy: 🍪 sugar crash did him before us Janis: fair Janis: feeling it and all Janis: still buzzing though Jimmy: yeah? Janis: 😵 🥴 🤢 🤮 scale Janis: I'm solidly 🥴 Jimmy: lightweight Janis: I don't work in a cafe Jimmy: and what? Janis: 🍪🥐🥪🍰 Jimmy: never pull your weight, you Janis: just 'cos you eat yours in baked goods Janis: one of us has to be 💪 Jimmy: hang on, who's been carrying who? Janis: I would carry you Janis: you monopolized it by crippling me Jimmy: convenient excuse that Janis: okay, you aren't 💀👑 daddy don't try it Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 Jimmy: rudest bollocks you've ever said to me Jimmy: how dare you TBH Janis: come back when you've got your law degree and fathered a demon Janis: then we'll talk Jimmy: I'll chuck 'em both at your window, Juliet 📜👶 Janis: 😍 Janis: just don't break it Janis: my window, that is Jimmy: any 👶 of mine's gonna be a right fat bastard, nowt I can do about that, soz Janis: soft landing Janis: all's well that ends well Jimmy: do what you like with the broken glass, so crafty, you Janis: depends if you're gonna come in Janis: obviously Jimmy: it's how it's written Janis: ? Jimmy: I get your attention, you give me it Jimmy: hang your head out or Bill will be fuming Janis: unfortunately there ain't no pool under my window Janis: but that's probably not an original feature of the play Janis: just an excuse to see Leo all bedraggled Jimmy: get him wet to do the same for all the lasses 👀🍿 Janis: poetic Jimmy: IKR Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: Shame it's not festive or I'd suggest it Jimmy: fucking hell, if they're gonna force us to watch Elf, sod the plan, I'll 💀💀💀 myself Jimmy: another poem for you Janis: 1. hot 2. I refuse, think it's gotta be illegal to force us to watch it, it's in the geneva convention, yeah? I'll ask daddy Jimmy: @ him Janis: @litigationandtitilation Jimmy: 😂 Janis: she helped him come up with it Jimmy: DUH, nowt they don't do together Janis: 💕 Janis: dead jealous Jimmy: me an' all Janis: we'll all get to bond over our daddy issues Janis: can't wait Jimmy: #realgoals Janis: obviously Janis: I ain't got them any gifts, have you? Jimmy: I'm working, I'll bring 'em a latte Jimmy: menu full of 🎄 bollocks they ain't bothered to work through yet Janis: how disappointing they'll literally be thrilled Janis: too 😍 to handle, you Jimmy: you gonna meet me there or what? Janis: 🤔 Janis: probably the most #goals if we arrive together Janis: and fuck knows how far they can see from her tower Janis: I could come to your work Janis: pick you and the lattes up 💪🏆 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👌 Janis: just lemme know when you're finishing up then Jimmy: I'll make you something that ain't poisoned Janis: that a threat? Jimmy: more #goals to call it a romantic gesture Janis: 'course Jimmy: get your head in the game, girl Janis: it is Janis: just working out if there's any ways we can fuck it up before even arriving Jimmy: what, like get 💀👑 hopes up and then piss on them even harder? Janis: yeah, like that Janis: or get all the rest on our side, somehow Janis: that'd fuck her off no end Jimmy: so go on, what would it take? Jimmy: other than 💀#2 there's no challenge in it Jimmy: piss easy it were to get Asia to invite us Janis: you're probably more of an expert than me then Janis: like, we've got to make it actually a decent time, the kinda party they wanna have Janis: instead of what 📸s well Janis: and what Mia allows Janis: but we can't just fully steamroll in and be blatant about it Janis: or 💀👑 & 💀#2 would pull ranks Jimmy: what kind of party do they wanna have? Janis: they never look like they're having fun Janis: they're dead in the eyes Janis: even if it ain't my exact idea of, sure we can come up with better, right? Jimmy: easy when we put our massive heads together Janis: Asia is the easiest, we could basically ask her and she'd tell us without clocking Jimmy: hang on then Jimmy: Grace were #livingherbestlife when she punched you with a beauty blender, I'll let her 💄💅 me if it pushes 💀👑 off the scale Janis: I'm sure that's just pent-up anger issues Janis: but maybe you've messed up her order one too many times 🔪🔪 Jimmy: deliberately Jimmy: my only joy, that Janis: 😂 Janis: might have a tiny bit of respect for you now Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: pretend to be her boyfriend for a change and you can do one of those tag videos Jimmy: you're alright, my CV'll survive without that oscar Janis: 😏 Janis: fair Janis: don't need the rumours Jimmy: if she wants footage, WE'LL get her some, as a team, dickhead Janis: she will be 📽 Janis: so alright Jimmy: always ready for a close up, me Jimmy: and you do alright keeping up an' all Janis: wait 'til I ain't hopping, like Jimmy: that's her, what does the big one want? Janis: you haven't 👀 her about doing this weird dances? Jimmy: steady on, she WEREN'T having seizures? Janis: yeah, I know Janis: it's shocking Jimmy: you'll fuck your other ankle, I ain't having that Janis: you volunteer then? Jimmy: there's gotta be something else they do on that app Janis: are you interested in miming the lyrics to a shitty dance song? Jimmy: POV: your 👻 fake boyfriend Janis: you can go for that oscar Janis: I hope she doesn't try to be funny, or if she does, then I need to watch all her content rn Janis: welcome for the view Jimmy: might win 💀👑 over with the one where I play her dad Janis: 💀💀💀💀💀 Jimmy: or better yet 💀#2 when I have a go at 💀👑 Janis: the plan isn't you seduce everyone Janis: friends not 💦💦 boy Jimmy: it's a fucked plan then Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you're that insatiable or irresistible? Jimmy: I'll be that itchy Jimmy: jumper's coming off any road Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: I'll bring it tomorrow, babe Jimmy: UGH FINE Janis: put your tits away Janis: honestly Jimmy: SO jealous, you Janis: Ha Janis: SO original, you Jimmy: your tits can have 🥈 Joanne, nowt wrong with them or that Janis: Piss off Janis: 💀👑 tell you it don't count if it's just fat Jimmy: 😱😱😱 OMFG! 😱😱😱 Jimmy: should've said you wanted to get her hopes up with a fake breakup Janis: would be well triggering, no doubt Janis: only talk to argue, her lot, you can tell Jimmy: #relatable Jimmy: gonna have to 💀💀💀 myself now Jimmy: been nice fake knowing you, my dear Janis: oh no you don't Janis: not being a fake widow Janis: can't pretend to be that 💔💔💔 for the rest of my life Jimmy: @iantaylor8 with your 💔😭🎻 Jimmy: can't have owt in common with that lot for a day in my life, tah Janis: I'll feel sorry for you when you're fucking twins with one of them Jimmy: So you want my pity? Don't sound like you but alright Janis: nah, just won't be giving you no 🤗 and 😘 Jimmy: What then? What's my 🎁? Janis: 🕞👀 Jimmy: Come on, I'll fake the surprise Janis: don't get too excited Janis: I haven't nicked you no 💎 Jimmy: bit rude but that's probably my fault for not sitting on your lap and telling you what I want Janis: not too late Janis: see what her ma has lying about Janis: but yeah, if you'd have been more prepared, maybe I woulda been too Jimmy: just the odd 💍👑💼💰 or 🐴 nbd Janis: you're demanding now but you've missed your chance Janis: gutted Jimmy: not too late, you said Janis: you might get A 💎 Janis: can't do the full list now Jimmy: [pouty face 🥺 selfie, we're coming for your life Savannah, soz] Janis: what's in it for me if you ain't gonna sit on my lap? 🎅 Jimmy: never said I wouldn't Janis: 🔊 is cheap Janis: 🐴 are expensive Jimmy: what were it you said, tomorrow, babe Jimmy: giving someone a bell to install a pool or a balcony as I 🗨'd expensive an' all Janis: I've got patience to 🕞👀 Jimmy: good Jimmy: we're just that starcrossed, girl, nowt to be done about it Janis: or lots to do Janis: depending on your point of view Jimmy: lots of 🕞👀 'cause that's your #kink Janis: must be Jimmy: and mine's doing owt for you 💕 Janis: what more could I ask for Janis: ❌🎅 Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: ? Janis: ? Jimmy: ⏲ Janis: You can surprise me Jimmy: alright Janis: is it? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: alright, alright Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: it'll be good Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: [picture to prove you are at mcvickers] Jimmy: [a picture back of Bobby and Twix snoozing all over you] Janis: looks cozy Jimmy: *uncomfortable Jimmy: speaking of, I'll bring you the 👑 back tomorrow, you can chuck it on instead of a cracker hat Janis: Bless Janis: 🤞 there's no one sleeping in my bed Janis: 💡💡 Jimmy: 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: sounds like a party in theory Jimmy: 🔑's [wherever there is a key hidden] if you need to come back Janis: be even weirder for your poor brother if I got in his whilst you're all 🥳 Jimmy: not like he'll hear you come in Jimmy: you or the 🐻🐻🐻 Janis: don't tell him that as his next bedtime story Janis: should be good though, but cheers Jimmy: 👍 Janis: though it's tempting as it's the furthest you've wanted to let me walk in ages Jimmy: want's pushing it Jimmy: but I've seen your top 🦩 impression now Janis: I get it Janis: you wanna see it more Janis: well attractive Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: 🎪🤹🤡 you Jimmy: dead chuffed to see your trapeze next Janis: suppose freak can be a compliment Janis: in the right context Jimmy: [puts it in the right context for a pisstakey 🔥 sext] Janis: yeah Janis: like that Janis: 🥇 asshole Jimmy: 🥉 more like Janis: why's that Jimmy: a 🥇 dickhead ain't that easy to ✔ off as a dickhead Janis: you wanted 😳 Janis: it's not not happening but I don't need to admit it Jimmy: if I wanted 😳 I'd get it Jimmy: with no need for you to admit owt Janis: alright then Janis: take your 🥉 Jimmy: you're alright Janis: time for bed then, dickhead Jimmy: as a piss off goes, I've heard worse Janis: I've done better Janis: but it must be the sugar crash Jimmy: I can do better with compliments an' all Janis: so you say Jimmy: and 🖋 Janis: I'm not doubting your fake boyf ability Jimmy: that weren't what I said Janis: or your 🎨 Jimmy: weren't bringing that up either Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: 🤯 Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: it's mutual Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you heard, I can do better, nowt to be 🤯 or do a 🥁 for Janis: You can't tell me what to do or not to do either way Jimmy: that ain't what I'm trying to do Janis: that's good then Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I know you have a dog and a kid kicking you right now Janis: but you really need the beauty sleep Jimmy: rude Janis: you're ruder Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you're just Janis: I don't know Janis: but worse than me Janis: sure of that Jimmy: I were just trying to be less of a twat right then Janis: 😂 Janis: you just confuse me Janis: you aren't like 😡 🤬 rude right now Jimmy: it ain't my fault you can't take a compliment or apology attempt, dickhead Janis: I tried to take a compliment and you said it barely was one Janis: that's what I mean Janis: you're just weird and it's SO rude that you're letting Mia be right, tbh Jimmy: 'cause it weren't Jimmy: a pisstake's a pisstake, a compliment's a compliment Janis: then where have you tried to say sorry or anything not a pisstake Jimmy: what the fuck else does I can do better mean? Janis: Alright, God Janis: don't act like I'm thick Janis: you ain't speaking English Jimmy: bit racist Jimmy: this ain't even a voice memo Janis: yeah, you're well oppressed Jimmy: tah for recognising it, mate Janis: annoying, that's the word I was looking for Jimmy: funny'll do for you, oh hang on, nah Jimmy: meant to go the other way there Janis: yeah the sign of a proper jokes person is cracking yourself up Janis: 👌 babes Jimmy: piss off to bed, babes Janis: don't be jealous of all the space I've got Janis: gonna proper stretch out Jimmy: like I said, well unfunny you Janis: you can't escape when he's proper asleep? Jimmy: to where? Janis: your bed? Janis: his, if that is where you are Jimmy: his is a little kid bed, not stretching out in there Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: You poor thing Janis: bunk bed sharing would almost be preferable Jimmy: yeah Janis: at least your brother don't vape Jimmy: #ultimatesilverlining Janis: ☀ Jimmy: tah Jimmy: proper cheered now Janis: have only got a single here Janis: not living that luxurious Jimmy: and a 🐻 bear either side, you'll be fucked when the 3rd one comes through after having a piss Janis: better off taking my chances in the park? Janis: still time for that as well Jimmy: never nursed a dickhead with hypothermia before, decent way to pad out my CV Janis: 😒 Janis: yeah, go on Janis: just a neverending case study, me Jimmy: 🥇 muse in every way Janis: real or pisstake Jimmy: reckon I'd be able to 👀 you from here, could be a real inspiration Janis: you probably could anyway, nearly Janis: live pretty close but not giving any more away Janis: gotta keep the privacy and mystery, like Jimmy: brb gotta start a new 📷 IG Jimmy: @longlens Janis: 😂 Janis: if I've got a stalker I'm definitely 🥇 Janis: #madeit Jimmy: you do now Jimmy: 👋👀 Janis: get in Janis: mum'll be so proud Jimmy: got nowt else to do but crack on looking in windows til I find yours, mine'll chuffed to bits an' all Janis: Bill's 👻 will be Janis: unless you get distracted by some other random, then he'll be raging Jimmy: it's his script, I'd just be sticking to it Janis: that's going off script Janis: the other girl is before Janis: don't just get the wrong balcony and change your mind Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: it's Bill's 👻 not me Janis: he don't like improv Jimmy: harder to please than Lucas, him Janis: I'm doing alright 😇 Jimmy: he reckons your tits are 🥇 no accounting for taste Janis: nothing wrong with 🥈 Jimmy: when it's around your neck Janis: the view helps, yeah Janis: #toptits Jimmy: 😏 Janis: not your fault I'm exactly his type Janis: don't feel bad Jimmy: we can both wear the white 👰 but it don't make us exactly his type Jimmy: he'd be the one to call you a slag Janis: you have defiled me Janis: told you that's why he's so pissed off Jimmy: you gonna take an apology for that then? Janis: be a bit weird if you apologized Janis: was the plan Janis: just unfortunate collateral, him Jimmy: it weren't actually Janis: 'course it was Janis: nothing #goals about celibacy Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: was just a joke Janis: I don't need an apology Jimmy: don't you? Janis: no Janis: why do you think I do? Jimmy: why have I got it in your own words loads of times that you reckon it shouldn't have happened if you don't? Janis: No, I only meant it like Janis: it's made things awkward now, is why we shouldn't have Janis: not in a, I didn't want to at the time way Janis: it's not like you did anything wrong Jimmy: and what, it weren't awkward for you before? Janis: What, like I've got loads of past experience with how to navigate a fake dating scenario? Jimmy: exactly my point Jimmy: it were weird as soon as I suggested it Janis: granted Janis: it's just weirder now you don't want to but we still have to fake shit Janis: if we'd not gone there, that wouldn't factor into the overall headfuckery Jimmy: I don't want to what? Janis: not fake it Janis: sometimes, like Jimmy: we've not talked about what I do or don't want Jimmy: so that's bollocks for a start Janis: it ain't Janis: I can read a room Jimmy: so can I, don't be putting it all on me like I fucked it Janis: I weren't but you clearly are so cheers for that Jimmy: you said me, I ain't speaking for you Janis: I haven't said you've fucked anything up Jimmy: I've made it weirder is what you said Janis: no, it IS weirder Janis: 'cos of decisions we both made Jimmy: that's a cop out Jimmy: I can also read between the lines and that's you reckoning the decisions you're making now are right and mine are bollocks Janis: all I'm trying to do is not be a massive twat here Janis: it's not right or wrong Janis: I can't help if I still wanna but I'm not gonna whinge about it like some nice guy or something as lame Jimmy: nicely done then Janis: fine Janis: fuck this Jimmy: I don't get what your problem is Janis: what do you mean? Janis: how do you not get that I'm accepting what you want and dealing with it and you're just taking the piss Jimmy: I've never said I want that Janis: What? Jimmy: when or where have I? Janis: that you don't want me to just do what I want and not give a fuck about what you do? Janis: it's just a given that I won't be a total cunt like that, surely Jimmy: you heard me, you don't know what I want Jimmy: dunno why it's a given that you'd just guess Janis: then tell me Janis: why am I guessing Jimmy: you've got some bollocks 💭 in your head that's nowt to do with me or what I've 🗨 Jimmy: that'll be why Janis: tell me Jimmy: It didn't feel like a mistake to me Janis: that's the opposite of what I thought you thought Janis: alright Jimmy: you were being a massive twat, keep up, we've done that bit Janis: no, great Janis: actually got to go bludgeon myself with a big rock now Jimmy: don't Jimmy: it's a job to talk to you when you ain't brain damaged Janis: I'm serious Janis: and I'm sorry Janis: jesus fucking christ Jimmy: me an' all, dunno if it's safe for you to go to this friendmas 'cause you obvs CAN'T read a room, sweetheart Jimmy: could be deadly serious, that Janis: I know I deserve it but please shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: why haven't you done anything about it then Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: if you can read a room, allegedly Janis: works both ways right Jimmy: you said it shouldn't have happened, how else would you like me to read into that? Jimmy: a mistake is what I heard Janis: I said that when you called me a slag Jimmy: but I didn't Jimmy: and what works both ways an' all is that you haven't done owt since then either Janis: yeah, because from my point of view, you called me easy, I made you apologize for it and then you ain't come near me since Janis: I'm not killing myself for no reason Janis: you've never said bullshit when you're fuming? Jimmy: I ain't the baby Jesus Jimmy: 'course I have Jimmy: and will do again, might be to you Janis: There you go then Janis: I said it was a mistake 'cos it sounded like you reckoned as much Janis: we may as well be on the same page Janis: didn't want to be that twat but that worked out well Jimmy: it just Jimmy: touched a nerve, alright Janis: yeah Janis: alright Janis: clearly so did the easy thing so not gonna judge Jimmy: our lives are headfucks, that's why we need this to make it easier Janis: that was meant to be the idea Janis: we just need to Janis: replan Janis: maybe? Jimmy: we just need to talk to each other Janis: easier said than done Janis: but yeah Janis: not wrong Jimmy: if I have to spell it out and stick my CAPS on, I can do Jimmy: I work in customer service, like Janis: that's lovely Janis: really wanna be compared to one of your customers Jimmy: hey, you know you're way too fit and mysterious Janis: barely at this point Janis: I've come across as a total fucking state Jimmy: Oi, we can do this ☀ girl Janis: I'm up for listening Janis: and I won't infer the rest, that much is a deal Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🩸🖋 Jimmy: We going to the park then or what? Janis: we don't have to speak when we get there, do we? Jimmy: bit rude you ain't gonna recite a sonnet to me, Jules, but I'll live Janis: maybe another night Janis: but I'm still pretty fucking mortified right now so you gotta promise Jimmy: we're doing alright if you're promising me another night Jimmy: and I'm clearly on fine form for giving you more accidental poetry so Janis: shame to waste it? Janis: I guess you can but don't expect me to because I'm better when I keep it shut Jimmy: you're Janis: don't finish that before I've had the chance to change your mind Jimmy: as promises go, I reckon I can keep that one Janis: and I can promise it'll be worth it Jimmy: go on Jimmy: before you stop saying owt to me Janis: I promise Janis: that you're gonna have even more to say about me and even less idea how to say it Jimmy: I Jimmy: there, you're managing to stop me going on already Janis: I don't mind when you go on Janis: just not what I want right now Jimmy: time and a place to be on script, I get it Janis: exactly Janis: and you've gotta be off the clock sometimes Jimmy: @ my manager in a bit Jimmy: just not right now Janis: not invited Jimmy: and you can't hop and @ Janis: don't challenge me Jimmy: nursing kink ain't gonna go away when your ankle stops being the size of your head Jimmy: gotta plan ahead Janis: you could just look after me Janis: I'll fake whatever injury you fancy Jimmy: how many oscars you after? Janis: 🥇 or nowt Jimmy: get a hop on then Janis: Am Janis: not trying to get caught mid-hop though so 🤫 Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: you could just tell me where you are and have a hand, I ain't allowed to be the one who 💀💀💀 you Janis: I could Janis: was mainly arsed about getting caught in the gaff but still Janis: be quicker Janis: [location] Jimmy: if I get there and there ain't no nan or granddad I'll chuck you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: like I've made 'em up Janis: and I've broke into a house just to be close-by? Janis: I don't reckon I'm that dedicated Jimmy: dunno about that, all I know is I could spit and you'd be hopping on a wet foot Janis: 🤤 would've been more romantic, Romeo Jimmy: Oi, I deliberately didn't say piss to be more romantic Janis: erm, talk to me!!! 😤😤😤 Janis: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: alright fine, I'll piss on the side of the house you're squatting in, stop begging Janis: 😂 Janis: good luck Janis: it's freezing Jimmy: sounds like some weird ⛄ challenge, I'd better film it for Tammy's tiktok Janis: SO thoughtful, babe Janis: just giving her that clout for free Jimmy: just that kind of dickhead, me Janis: I'll @ you in my glowing review later Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [show up boy it's really not far] Jimmy: which window am I climbing up to with a 🌹 in my 🦷🦷 Janis: you mean, which bit of pavement am I gonna be scraping you off of when you slip to your 💀💀💀 Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: your nan'll love the 💕 if you don't bother directing me Janis: I'll remember to pick up your 🦷🦷 and all Janis: [but flashing the light of the room you in like sup] Jimmy: wrap 'em up for Asia and it's job done on winning them all over Jimmy: [get your bae Jimothy] Janis: 💕🎁 Jimmy: [please don't actually die lol] Janis: [at least there is a genuine ladder up lmao, just don't wake the child or mcvickers] Jimmy: [now isn't the time for you to recite shakespeare, another time nerd] Janis: [you gotta be quiet, which is why we're not staying 'cos we know the vibe] Jimmy: [likewise why we're not going to his house either even though it's cold af] Janis: [soz about it but not, you're young and you'll be warm af soon enough] Jimmy: [gotta do what you gotta do lads and the park has those good mems and the graffiti you did so] Janis: [enjoy ladies] Jimmy: [until you have to go to work live your best life] Janis: [at least you have reconciled to totally boss this friendmas] Jimmy: [soz I ruined the tension but it would've been hard to concentrate on ruining Mia's life with that hanging over you] Janis: [we go with the flow honey] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to friendmas if you want unless you wanna have a CG work moment] Janis: [like you could but you probably shouldn't sleep out here again all night so yes, we could do a little CG moment] Jimmy: [gotta go there for the first time at some point, get that off menu smoothie and some food that's actually vaguely edible] Janis: [have cute moments, even though we know none of the flatwhites will be there] Jimmy: [we can post them to annoy Mia before we even get there because we all know Pablo isn't coming] Janis: [try one of calebs other kids hen, might be easier to use] Jimmy: [teach the bae how to do festive latte art they'll be jealous af and the manager is never there either] Janis: [do have some funny latte art pics, along with whatever we invariably actually bring yous] Jimmy: [#fated] Janis: [I kinda want you to go out and get them something pisstakey but I really cannot think what] Jimmy: [it would be funny, hmm what could we do?] Janis: [some kind of game/drinking game/or forbidden food vibe, actual fun Mia would not be happy about is the point] Jimmy: [things should totally get said during these games that they have for more blackmail potential to add to her cheating on the school trip] Jimmy: [I'm just debating whether Asia should have a bf who comes like we did at that sleepover that time or if we wanna save that for another time] Janis: [spill that tea ladies, we all know it don't take much for you to turn on each other so] Janis: [and I vote no, I think, plenty of opportunities to do that later though] Jimmy: [fair, Mia probably is hoping Asia'll seduce Jimothy so can't have a bf in the way] Janis: [and it's just BFF goals vibes, like you aren't allowed boys because they aren't important, soz Asia you hoe] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [can't let lads know how weird you all are] Jimmy: [the scolding tea] Janis: [pretending to be normal is for real xmas with your fams hens] Jimmy: [I don't need to be thinking about you gals at christmas thanks] Janis: [teenage xmas is the worst tbh] Jimmy: [agreed] Jimmy: [do you think there's any decorations they could steal out of the CG or are they too hipstery?] Janis: [I think we could probably get decent indoor ones from there, steal a lil tree moment] Jimmy: [do it while the flatwhites aren't there because Mia and Ella are snitches and he don't need to get fired this close to christmas] Janis: [do it at the start of your shift and hide it, who's noticing this close to xmas, no hoe except them so stay away] Jimmy: [we need this christmas cheer excuse us] Janis: [kids would do it anyway or they'd get broke, get a life gals] Jimmy: [we're trying to save christmas for Bobby here so bye] Janis: [it'll be magical and we're stealing your lights bitch bye] Jimmy: [Ella doesn't need them, not sorry] Janis: [also, not related but meet Pete too] Jimmy: [not in a way that makes him 😒 and jealous though we've only just reconciled] Janis: [my boo says give me my fluff] Jimmy: [defs gonna draw JJ and Twix tangled up in christmas lights for today's doodle once they've decorated so there's my fluff] Janis: [that's cute af get it boy] Janis: [we can go through lowkey and then stop whenever we wanna fully do something, so, should we be one of the first to get there or last what's the vibe] Jimmy: [I think first like it's just Mia and obvs Ella cos it's her house LOL there because they'd hate that and I said Grace was late, it makes sense Hollie would be too because she's even more done with them] Janis: [that's a mood, oh gals, how welcome are you gonna make them feel] Jimmy: [can't even do the gift exchange until everyone gets here, how awkward, good thing Jimothy will shamelessly request a house tour] Janis: [the casual side-eye you're gonna have to hold in, like lemme pretend to be so uninterested in your house which is undeniably big without coming off as salty] Jimmy: [he'll carry you through this gaff gal, nothing will annoy Ella and Mia more than when you're more into each other and being coupley af than the rich gal flexes in every room] Janis: [at least we can play up how bad the ankle is again, get me ice ho] Jimmy: [Ella never did get any sympathy she'll be fuming, play up that nursing conveniently like when you get to Ella's room like oops gotta just rest here for a bit soz] Janis: [just regaling how much he's looked after you like that bitch] Jimmy: [as he fusses over you, god bless, we're literally gonna do all we can to make Mia storm out and back downstairs haha] Janis: [ergo asking where Pablo is, like oh, thought he'd be here] Jimmy: [Jimothy is so amused he's gonna hide his face in the bae] Janis: [just lowkey ignoring her to be subtly all over him when she rants about the importance of gal time or whatever like mhmm interesting] Jimmy: [literally why wasn't he banned if that's true hun, hence he'll be even more unsubtly all over her until we're genuinely ignoring the gals] Janis: [we all know it's one rule for you and another for them but that didn't pan out lololol, awkward when you'd wanna watch for an uncomfortable amount of time Mia, make Asia show please so you can't] Jimmy: [go answer the door to her so they can have a moment but also snoop through Ella's shit thank you] Janis: [just like where it the shrine honey] Jimmy: [shame it's so far in the future that she wouldn't have a paper diary for them to find, unless like they used to have those kid ones and Ella kept hers because the golden age of this friendship obvs] Janis: [imagine how 1. gay it'd be 2. all the goss on them all, have a read of that lads] Jimmy: [take 📷 because you'll never know when you might need them] Janis: [get that relevant tea 'was her sister the donkey?' 'cos Asia is here and we remembering] Jimmy: [a little lol as we forlornly shake our head because she sadly was not and they missed a trick 'Mary' because why not 'makes sense why Joseph was having none of her' just calling a child ugly here nbd] Janis: [makes a face like she's so appalled like oh no 'your brother's year must be a real bunch of uggos' 'cos we're on the same wavelength here] Jimmy: ['not saying the director's onto something but as top casting for a homeless virgin who looks like she's had her head shut in a door goes..' trailing off with a shrug like we haven't just dragged a little girl to within an inch of her life] Janis: [violently shushing him as they come up, as if Asia would ever clock it, god bless, but then it just looks like you've got an amazing in joke 'cos it's like omg babe] Jimmy: [love that cos we've gotta actually be nice to Asia as she's the first person here you can actually get on your side, so use your barista charm boy] Janis: [compliment her jumper or something girl, can't let him do everything Jimmy: [and take some selfies with her that you can easily but subtly exclude the other 2 from cos 3's already a crowd huns] Janis: [love that, and Asia should have a boyf that she wanna talk about 'cos then you can actually let her gal and she'll be buzzing] Jimmy: [yassssss encourage her in all the ways those 2 don't and won't ever] Janis: [at least you can pretend you're throwing 😍 at him when really it's pained looks lmao] Jimmy: [and we can talk about the nativity and younger sibling christmas bs because those 2 bitchy only children could never] Janis: [mhmm, hopefully you love your sisters more than just accessories gal] Jimmy: [there's no way to know but JJ are slaying this so well done lads] Janis: [honestly need some kind of award 'cos it can't be overstated how hard Mia & Ella would be trying to bitch you both out] Jimmy: [hence I'm like is there anything else you can do while it's just shameless stealing Asia tactics before the others get here because we know it's not hard to get those two on side] Janis: [Hmm, what's a stupid bitch want what's a stupid bitch need] Janis: [you'll want your latte before they go cold tbf] Jimmy: [I hope he's brought like some christmas ugly jumper biscuits from the CG because getting her hyped up on sugar will only make her more annoying] Janis: [she's basically a child, just let her live in the ways they don't tbh and she'll be thrilled] Jimmy: [literally talking to her about what she wants for christmas like she is a child LOL] Janis: [try not to cackle, but we are 1000% getting on his lap to make a sneaky point like easy 🎅} Jimmy: [never have to fake how into that we are and it's a great segue to tell her all the #goals shit we've been up to and all the festive coupley plans we have] Janis: [when you truly have like it sounds like so much, y'all will be jealous] Jimmy: [as if you aren't fuming enough by how touchy feely and loved up they are before they've even said a word] Janis: [trying to separate them but also don't want their help with anything, we see you] Jimmy: [at least when JJ have had enough they can go 🚬 and on a christmas lights scouting mission because it's #goals to go have a wander and look at lights and it gets dark early af so you can] Janis: [that is goals, don't lie, you probably need to get through dinner first my loves, just be overly helpful with the food prep so you can lowkey fuck it up and they'll be raging] Jimmy: [Grace will be buzzing when she gets there cos not only is Pablo not but she's the only one who has gifts for jj out of these gals] Janis: [thank god he ain't there, we would simply throw hands lmao, lord knows shit nan and the extra ex will be making an appearance soon] Jimmy: [Grace would have straight up walked in and straight back out again if he was and you know it Mia so good luck chatting shit about friendship then] Janis: [get to getting this starter everyone try not to actively vom at the table] Jimmy: [at least that would taste nice cos it's literally brie and cranberry and walnuts and honey so you're welcome everyone] Janis: [looking at y'all 💀💀 why do I feel like JJ need to go to the toilets immediately after like you two cannot, the shade of it all] Jimmy: [LOVE that] Janis: [sure you have more than 2 but we know what's being said huns] Jimmy: [the point has been made] Janis: 😈💩🤮❌ Jimmy: 🎻😭💔 Janis: oh no, is this the group chat? Janis: sorry Jimmy: *😱😱😱 Jimmy: if it were Janis: 😱😱😱😱😱 of 'em Jimmy: soz, you're dead right, babe Janis: though I don't think the big one is doing it right Janis: awks Jimmy: she'll be getting her bollocking now Janis: poor cow Janis: if I were to cast her in a nativity Janis: but I'm just seeing what meds they've got Jimmy: @Helena Janis: ugh, I wish Janis: what back problems is this flat-chested 💀 gonna have Jimmy: you're alright though, yeah? Janis: of course I am Janis: just potential dirt Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you alright? Jimmy: nowt wrong with my 🦶 Jimmy: might end up with back problems of my own if you ain't 💩🤮 in there but Helena'll sort it Janis: fuck off Janis: negging me, dickhead Jimmy: I get it, you're gutted there weren't no 🦒 at the birth of Jesus Jimmy: no need to take it out on me Janis: only elves in the christmas story, so you're no better off Jimmy: your 👂 kink is blatant, Jennifer Janis: psh Jimmy: not gonna stick that 💎 you owe me in mine if that's the best comeback you've got Janis: you're very annoying, I'm pretending to 💩🤮 Jimmy: no 👂's pressed against the door, putting you off? Janis: you tell me Janis: can I perform without an audience? Jimmy: we've not done 💩🤮 Janis: #kinkstillonlock Jimmy: [another pisstakey 🥺 selfie because gotta kill time in this bathroom somehow] Janis: do you reckon that's 💀#2 thing? Janis: 💀👑 is obviously killing people slowly Jimmy: bit weird you having that in common Janis: oh no Janis: have to speed it up Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: come here? Jimmy: [does] Janis: [have a little makeout moment because we're swagging this and deserve it Jimmy: [pick her up and sit her on the sink so she doesn't have to stand up and because it's a #mood] Janis: [so shook that we gasping but in a good way, like] Jimmy: [you can have a noise back gal because we're into it] Janis: [IRL 🥺 'cos we have to go back, even if we're purposefully taking ages here] Jimmy: [just doing the MOST to make her forget that we have to go back because we don't want to either] Janis: [at least there's a perfect excuse to be loud and extra so you can go 'til you get caught and someone is like excuse me get out lol] Jimmy: [the joys] Janis: [will definitely be Ella or Asia] Jimmy: [we know Mia sent you whichever one it is, probably Ella cos it's her house so she can be that bitch] Janis: [I mean, at least we didn't break your sink hun] Jimmy: [or fuck in your bed which we easily could have] Janis: [nights still young but yeah count your blessings xoxo anyway, the main meal, we probably know the vibe?] Jimmy: [you know Mia and Ella were in charge of that bit cos clearly giving Hollie pudding to call her a fat bitch and not trusting Asia with basically anything so it's not gonna be 🥇] Janis: [it's gonna be so bland with like low-fat everything and ew] Jimmy: [gonna have to start a cute little flirty food fight moment like Tony and Effy had, skins we see you and your incesty energy, when they made those faces then that spoon got flicked etc, so you don't have to eat this] Janis: [their energy was so strange lol, like they did go out so it probably didn't help but we see you, also doing a fake like you're going to eat it and you're trying to be polite but it's so gross soz we cannot] Jimmy: [everyone be pushing that food hardcore around their plates,, can't even do a feeding each other romantic moment because it's too grim] Janis: [like ladies, you can't binge and go to town for one day, not when the others can see, we get it] Jimmy: [save the day with whatever pudding you've brought Hollie thank you] Janis: [bitches be ravenous, at least we eat at the CG] Jimmy: [jimothy got your back gal, can and will eat again when you're decorating too so] Janis: [and it's time for presents] Jimmy: [I literally can't stress enough how happy and shook he's gonna be because feelsy gifts are not a thing in his life rn it's all on Bobby to make a cute card or whatever so his thank you hug will be very genuine and emosh and he'll write 'you're' on her back for that throwback because we are speechless and a ! for emphasis] Janis: [when you're lowkey thinking he's faking most of that at least but then he writes on you so you know it's real so then you're smiley af, enjoy that guys, you can't even shade 'cos it's personal and shit he wants and what do any of y'all know about that, and writing 'you' back] Jimmy: [the gals can't be shading anyway because they'll too busy DYING when he puts this necklace on her because it's intimate af, gotta gently move that hair out of the way, kiss the back of her neck in a soft way, the whole 9] Janis: [just fully ignoring them all and it ain't even fake, gotta be SO grateful excuse us] Jimmy: [we're in the moment and our feelings bitches] Janis: ['I can't even deal with you' talking more like them but where is the lie] Jimmy: [we gotta just kiss her because 1. what are words even fake words 2. you know exactly how to deal with me cos we're 🥇] Janis: [just ignore the 😒😒😒😒😒 you're getting for AGES then be like oh, please, open your presents] Jimmy: [just being couple goals casually in the background while the gals pretend to care about each other's gifts] Janis: [I live] Jimmy: [highlight of the day tbh] Janis: [you know they wrapping up and putting that shite film on so fast honey, like oh yeah, give them an excuse to cuddle under a blanket] Jimmy: [literally Mia is this close to kicking all of y'all out and it ain't even her house] Janis: [it's so funny how easy it is to piss y'all off, do have to remember to keep the rest vaguely on side though] Jimmy: [you've done well lads and we all know none of the gals actually wanna watch this film they probably do the same one every year, just on their phones super bored] Janis: [you gotta lowkey suggest you play a game instead like come on this is BOOOOOOOORING] Jimmy: [he's a boy he's allowed to hate rom coms so it's easily done] Janis: [you two 💀 can protest but clearly we're over it so you outnumbered even if Asia was like I don't mind or whatever] Jimmy: [get that tea, especially if it's a drinking game because they are all lightweights] Janis: [we know this could get passive-aggressive fast lol] Jimmy: [it will blatantly which is how we can bring this friendmas to an end without it looking like JJ's fault] Janis: [hohaha just like this is awkward gals] Jimmy: [run away and look at aka steal some lights lads, your work here is done] Janis: [you can go decorate his now and make the kids day] Jimmy: [though we might have to kill some time and do it when they're asleep because I doubt we were at Ella's that late] Janis: [true hen, we know we killed this party before tea time honestly lol] Jimmy: [walk some dogs together first of all] Janis: [get that cash babies] Jimmy: [they should come back and eat some actually nice christmassy snacks and watch a christmas film that doesn't suck and play a game with Bobby that doesn't end in murder like this is how easy it is to do better than you gals] Janis: [yes, 'cos 1. real 2. all they'd have to do was a couple of pics and everyone would know the flatwhites was a flop] Jimmy: [exactly and she hasn't met Bobby yet so I thought that'd be a nice chill way to do it cos not trying to make it a thing™] Janis: [yes, this is true, rip to not seeing your marvellous sheep performance hen] Jimmy: [and he can talk about wanting to see Santa to put that idea in jj's heads] Janis: [easy] Janis: Oi Janis: use your elf connections Jimmy: 🎅 or nowt, me Jimmy: [takes off that ugly christmas jumper in a pisstakey way like I've got the body for it] Janis: [😏 and pats his tummy like yeah] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna put a cushion up his top but then chucks it at her head] Janis: [whispers the obscenities behind Bobby's head] Jimmy: [signs something at her which is obvs 6 year old level insults to make Bobby lol and join in] Janis: [just getting dragged, fake cry so Twix comes to support you gal] Jimmy: [we'll teach you gal it's always useful] Janis: [love that] Jimmy: [at least if Cass comes back we can bribe her into walking some dogs for us because don't need the 😒 when we've just escaped the flatwhites] Janis: [at least you'll get some spends gal, because that age you can't even get your own job so it's pocket money purely] Jimmy: [win her over as well lads nicely done] Jimmy: 🏆🥇💪 us Janis: I'll be waiting for my card, like Jimmy: 🐾 an' all Janis: awh Janis: you don't need to sign it Janis: got the doodles Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: I ain't forgot I owe you one Janis: 🕥 Janis: gonna be THAT bitch 🙄 Jimmy: nowt more #goals than nagging a lad to 💀💀💀 babes Janis: except that friendmas, AM I RIGHT Jimmy: [IRL LOL because] Janis: [😏] Janis: kinda sad how easy that was Jimmy: [a shrug because we see them all the damn time at the CG we knew how easy it'd be] Jimmy: alright, I'll give you a challenge, girl, stop begging Janis: just saying Janis: BFFs it ain't Jimmy: and you'd never know from the group chat Janis: yeah Janis: the performance they put on would be almost impressive if it weren't tragic 'cos no one cares Jimmy: [chucks her some gingerbread house kit like there's your challenge babe because they always suck and never stick together and taste gross 'make that look goals and you'll impress me']] Janis: [obviously we're gonna do it 'cos can't turn a challenge, also roping Bobby into helping by letting him eat some of the sweets which are the only nice part of tbh, just LOOKing at him like 'why would I need to do that?' like is it don't care to or is it already have, we know] Janis: *down Jimmy: [Twix not helping but getting involved god bless her, we're giving her a LOOK back because always will hen 'might just be worth it' cos remember when she made that promise before they went to the park last night, he does] Janis: [God loves a trier Twix, lowkey feeding one of the gingerbread people to her and doing mini screams of terror as it gets its head chomped off lol, then having to hide our 😳s 'cos of course it will be and of course we do] Jimmy: [just watching this and falling in love nbd] Janis: [when you've inadvertently done them a solid there 'cos there's usually a mummy and a daddy and then 2 kids so like, fuck you Ian we're just making Jimmy and Cass and Bobby and there's no awkwardness over missing mum] Jimmy: [I didn't even think of that goodbye] Janis: [like thank you girl for swerving that lmao, also putting the shades on him and holding it up like eh, eh?!] Janis: likeness is uncanny Jimmy: Oi, where's my 🚬? Janis: there's nothing festive about throat cancer Jimmy: Dickens 👻'd disagree Jimmy: he's 💔 it got cut in the edit Janis: there's still time for your manager to show up with a goose Janis: and if you get me some crutches, you won't have to do so much heavy lifting Jimmy: more of a 🐷 you but we'll crack on regardless Janis: you're so rude Janis: if I WAS Miss Piggy, I'd kick you down right now Jimmy: one good trotter an' all 💕 Janis: it's important I keep you under it Janis: Kermit is the ultimate cuck Jimmy: #ultimategoals Jimmy: 💀👑 can't even get a text back Janis: she's the rat Jimmy: keep it between us 💀#2 is gonna be gutted they ain't ⛓ together Janis: for all eternity Janis: being judgy af Jimmy: her only kink unlocked Janis: there's fuck all 🧠 or 💪 energy left to have any other passion Janis: it's 💀👑 and nothing else and that's the way they 💕 it Jimmy: [sends her his fave gayest pages of the diary like LOL cos they only had time to skim read at the time] Janis: [trying not to actually lol out loud 'cos still doing this house and watching this film] Janis: imagine 💬 that and not faking it Jimmy: [nudges her because we wanna hear that lol soz if we knock you when you're building] Jimmy: imagine 💭 that BEFORE you were 🧠 dead Janis: [a face like HOW DARE, don't sabotage me, boy but we grinning] Janis: maybe she was WELL lovely before my sister started hanging about Janis: she will do that to you, like Jimmy: [😘 like ILY babe I would NEVER] Jimmy: Puberty'll do that when you wanna fuck your daddy an' all Jimmy: not to snatch away your 🏆 or owt, Gracie Janis: [dangling gingerbread him over her tea like I'll do it, bitch, try me] Janis: she's used to it Janis: 🏅 participation Jimmy: [a look like do it because death wish 5ever] Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [acting like we really considering it, before putting him back and getting to work on a frosting Twix 'cos tah for being the right colour and texture lowkey lol] Janis: death march more appropriate after today Jimmy: kill bill siren sound Janis: love to take a samurai sword to 'em                                                                                                                         ' Janis: 💔 my christmas ruined Jimmy: more 🏆 than them tiktoks with the 🍏 🍎 🍐 🍊 🍋 🍌 🍉 🍇 🍓 🍈 🍒 🍑 🥭 🍍 🥥 🥝 Janis: but not more 🏆 than this gaff Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: yeah, reserve your judgment 'til I'm finished Jimmy: til we're finished, dickhead Janis: I will have to do the high ones though Jimmy: [another playful nudge like piss off and the gingerbread house wall will be falling] Janis: [lowkey pissed off haha not majorly but attacking him with this frosting like STAPH] Jimmy: [playfight because always] Janis: [being like, Bobby, please protect the castle, I'mma fight off this monster real quick] Jimmy: [that sweet boy gonna take his job so seriously god bless] Janis: [as are we you're going down jimothy] Jimmy: [until we use distracting tactics like picking up the pendant part of that necklace like oh hey remember this and how much you love me] Janis: [looking at Bobby like you have to play fair when there's other people about] Jimmy: [draws a 🏆 on whatever bare skin there is, obvs taking our time to be flirty af cos we're always playing to win honey] Janis: [at least you don't have to worry about calling him a dickhead right now 'cos we must lest we say anything else] Jimmy: [likewise can say 'you' back and not worry about how his voice shamelessly sounds, ah deaf brother perks] Janis: [write 'later' on him 'cos we can promise that] Jimmy: [just as well because Cass can't be out walking dogs forever and she will charge in all snowy and cold like make me a cuppa bitch and obvs Jimothy will] Janis: [and she would not be happy at this scene because grumpy tween life, so focus you two] Janis: you know how I like it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [jimothy just shouting through like a fussy dad @ Cass like if you want a warm shower or bath go after this cos I'mma be starting Bobby's bedtime routine soon] Janis: [probs not at all mortified you did that in front of Janis, nice one boy] Jimmy: [she hates him so much during this time period I lol Janis: [poor boy, you're doing you're best, we all are] Janis: [at least you can clear away this gingerbread carnage] Jimmy: [join him in the kitchen gal but not in the flirty way he hoped would be happening a bit ago] Janis: [just subtly helping without being asked always, love that for yous] Jimmy: [she's so caring in a way that he is not used to at all, it kills me] Janis: [just coming up behind him in a fake-out trying to scare you but not actually way 'you want me to clear out of here for a bit?' like, come back later when they're asleep vibes] Jimmy: [just saying no before he can stop himself and then it's like well now I wanna die] Janis: [just nodding like okay, 'cos not gonna make a big deal even though that was obviously a speedy reply] Jimmy: [doing his own nod towards the window like the weather is the reason we don't want her to go even though we know now how close mcvickers gaff is and that she'd be fine] Janis: ['I'm fine with staying cosy' and takes half the teas in] Jimmy: [shit like this is why we're falling in love with you gal] Janis: [like we are gonna feel slightly awkward whilst he's sorting his siblings but we know the drill from our own back in the day so we can deal] Jimmy: [we'll be sending Cass upstairs for her long bath like my boo used to have because being a tween is the worst okay, good thing Ian isn't here for how long she'll be in there and the music blasting but we're gonna be stuck with Bobert for a while cos he won't wanna go to bed] Janis: [when you partying, live your dreams babe, can't fight you, put on a slightly more chill xmas movie maybe, like idk, polar express or something, he'll fall asleep eventually] Jimmy: [Twix and Bobby falling asleep between you on this sofa like an adorable cockblock] Janis: [just looking over at him like, mission accomplished] Jimmy: [taking them upstairs to bed when it's safe to without waking them, the bae can take a snoozy Twix for you, nodding at Bobby's bed like told you I wouldn't be able to stretch out on that] Janis: [mimes measuring the bed and him like hmm, idk] Jimmy: [playfully pushes her out of the room] Janis: [at least you can take your chance to push him back and have a kiss in this corridor] Jimmy: [glad Cass' music will cover up how loud Jimothy is because of how badly he's wanted to kiss her for what would feel like an age] Janis: [you'll be so glad you didn't hear that, gal, well done, just like 'some santa' though 'cos where is your sneakiness] Jimmy: [looking at the necklace and back to her like excuse you I'm a great santa] Janis: [looking down and then touching it 'it's not totally shit, actually' obvs we were 😍 earlier but that was in front of the gals] Jimmy: [a shrug like it's all so casual and we don't give a fuck either 'did the job' because obvs it was all about impressing the gals and not her] Janis: ['glad I don't have to bin it' 'cos we actually like it and it's not basic just because we had to do a #goals gift moment] Jimmy: ['weren't where I got it out of' because we clearly did buy this there's no way you could've stolen it feasibly as it's jewellery] Janis: [raising a brow, 'you don't want it back, do you?' like are you saying it's too expensive or something] Jimmy: [shakes his head 'my tits'll never pass for yours' like I can't take #goals pics for the gram pretending I'm you so there's no point] Janis: [turns like good, 'cos I'm not giving it back, good day] Jimmy: [go put these decorations up and Jimothy will play the I saw mummy kissing Santa song to make the point like he ain't sneaky either so] Janis: ['that's because it's the dad, not the real santa, dickhead' like get ur facts straight hun] Jimmy: ['never said I were the real santa, Janet' like I'm just good at it like I am at everything thank you] Janis: [mime a 💔 and also a 🤫 'you are tonight'] Jimmy: ['sounds like I'll be going to see him in a bit' cos Bobby wants to, an unimpressed face like lucky me 'don't reckon he'll be fuming about the roleplay though, we're alright'] Janis: [😍 like LUCKY YOU 'there's one in [a place I've not looked up but I'm sure exists lol] that's meant to be pretty good'] Jimmy: [gets his phone out and has a look before giving her an IRL 👍 like a nerd because it looks decent enough] Janis: [bows like ya welcome] Jimmy: ['you coming?' cos she didn't do the nativity and the reason that would've looked #goals is the same here] Janis: [is thinking 'can I bring someone?'] Jimmy: [is a bit like whomst but nods because yeah obvs you can] Janis: ['alright then' like not gonna elaborate lol ok] Jimmy: [says it back and we're cracking on with these decorations] Janis: [get it gals, make it look magical] Jimmy: [at least his house isn't huge so it won't take you forever] Janis: [though it is a house so don't die doing an outside moment, make it work, like] Jimmy: [#teamwork but do take a break when you are outside to piss about with the snow even though there isn't loads you can still chuck it at each other and then get each other with your cold hands] Janis: [no more park for you gals, looking in the general direction of thinking as much] Jimmy: [looking where she's looking and thinking the same things, it was nice while it lasted lads, when he REALLY wants to tell her to stay here but we already embarrassed ourselves in the kitchen being like DON'T GO so we can't say anything] Janis: [at least this will keep you busy for a while, before you have no obvious reason to stay] Jimmy: [could feasibly take hours because it takes ages just to do a tree sometimes] Janis: [mhmm honey bunny, this is still gonna be awks though, at least you can say that you wanna bring your niece and work out those logistics like are we going tomorrow orrr 'cos not long now sweaty] Jimmy: [we probably are realistically, ew I hate to imagine how busy it would be] Janis: [my boo say disgusting lmao, at least you can make this goodbye more natural now like gotta get up for that hens, just being like, hope Bobby loves the decs 'cos we do] Jimmy: [gotta be in the morning so he can work in the afternoon because busy time and we need that cash honey, the greatest and best hug goodbye because it's been such a feelsy day] Janis: [trying not to linger and failing lowkey, we see y'all] Jimmy: [will offer to walk you home as if you haven't just been putting decs up with that ankle, we know you just are trying to keep this going] Janis: [do we reckon it's too late for public transport, like you don't wanna go home and you are just gonna come back tomorrow, soz mcvickers showing up again] Jimmy: [mcvickers are used to it and she needs Libi early that's our excuse] Janis: [let him walk you back then gal] Jimmy: [🚬 break during this walk back because there wouldn't have been enough of those today] Janis: [chance to breathe hens, you been busy, ruining lives, making days] Jimmy: [let it hit you boy how close christmas actually is] Janis: [we're all shook, like your mother must be hitting you up gal, what's the tea this year] Jimmy: [gonna ask her if she wants to go for breakfast tomorrow before this santa appointment because he wants Bobby to have a nice time, like we know we have to work a lot soz little man] Janis: ['as long as you aren't suggesting going in to work early' like you love your job SO much babe but obvs, we are down] Jimmy: [such an unamused noise and face because I can only imagine the hell that the CG is on the daily never mind at festive times] Janis: [😏 'cos we've literally been in ONCE at this point and we're like yeah, I know, y'all can go somewhere decent] Jimmy: [somewhere these bubs will love and think is so swag but you won't hate every second of] Jimmy: [when you wanna be like THANKS for today post friendmas but it's awkward so you just pull her back a little bit and then you're just there like -] Janis: [Dublin looks like there's loads of cool places in general so I have faith, doing the signature ?] Jimmy: [just looking at her like if you could read my mind rn that would be great] Janis: [so rude you cannot tbh, just pushing him gently like what though, like don't freak me out] Jimmy: ['tah for-' gestures back in the direction of his house 'our kid'll be chuffed to bits when he has a look'] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'won't pass it on to #2' 'cos lots of those decs were hers but fuck you gal 'take a pic if he looks cute' 'cos we blatantly wanna see his reaction but not gonna outright say that so we just pretending it could be #goals content] Jimmy: ['should work in a grotto or some bollocks next year, you' not even a pisstake because she's great with kids and swagged that but we'll pretend we are, nods and mimes that he'll record his 😱 reaction, again we probably will but we can pretend we're taking the piss out of Grace's vlogmas vibes] Janis: ['you're the elf' and a face like lord no, do your own 👍 and go inside bitch] Jimmy: ['yeah and I'll have a word' heart hands like love you gal] Janis: [blow a kiss like you're buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: [catch it as you watch her go boy]

[sol-korolevas]

—my virtues uncounted

pairing: pro hero!bakugou x sidekick!reader

words: 3.5k+

a/n: im a clown so have this fic with boom boom boi. it can be read romantically or platonically! please look forward to more fics in the future <3 unedited, we go out like beasts

ground zero agency is situated in a populated area. and yet, it isn’t any grander than ochako’s hero agency or as big as midoriya’s. certainly it lacks the attractiveness of todoroki’s hero agency and the modern sleekness of ingenium’s. but you like that–because being a hero isn’t about luxury and fame. 

when you step up the stairs, a tall wiry man walks out of the automatic doors and grabs you by your wrist. “you’re [name] eh? new sidekick?” he talked in a hurried tone. 

you manage to collect yourself from stumbling, before replying with a nod. 

“good, come with me.”

as if you have any other choice.

the man drags you through an empty reception room and down a hallway. there, behind the glass walls, you think you see him. no, wait, it must be him. he’s practically in his hero costume minus his eye mask. your heart’s beating hard against your ribcage and you feel sweat form on the palm of your hands as the man opens the door. 

the man almost throws you into the spacious office, before slamming the door shut behind you. thank goodness he doesn’t follow, you think you already had enough of him. 

bakugou doesn’t look up from his laptop. he’s tapping his fingers on the wooden desk. you notice indents littered across the surface. you know who was responsible for those. 

“stop smirking, it’s impolite,” bakugou said an irritated voice. his red eyes glared at you so intently that you feel a creeping coldness running down the back of your neck. immediately, you press your arms against your side and bow. 

“my name is [name]; nice to meet you, ground zero...sir!” 

there is a pause–you couldn’t find it in yourself to look up-and you inwardly wonder if you should have said something else. your lower lip begins to tremble until you gently bite into it. 

bakugou laughs, a raucous sound that spills into every corner of the office room. timidly, you look up, wondering what he’s laughing for. however, you can already guess, knowing that he’s looking at the reason why–you. 

he’s standing up and leaning down, one hand flat on top of the desk as the other slaps at the surface. he finally stops himself and says, “this is why being a pro hero is so damn fun. you get people who are both terrified and awestruck by you.”

you frown, but you don’t say anything before you look elsewhere, at the empty desk with the name tag ‘mori’ on it. you then notice that there are people here, too absorbed in their work that they don’t even acknowledge you. 

“hey newbie, let me see your quirk.” 

“excuse me?” 

he’s leaning forward in his seat with a glint of excitement in his eyes. you’re reminded suddenly of the group of older kids from your childhood who would always force you to–

“if you want this fucking job then do as i say,” came his response, words thick with absolute authority. 

you gulp, feeling stress bubble within your stomach as you repeat his demand in your mind. “o-okay but, um, it’s not-it’s not really that great.” the last of your words came out in clumps, but bakugou doesn’t seem to acknowledge it. really, he’s not even listening, instead he’s staring intently at your body. 

the extremity of his attention causes your cheeks to heat up as you turn around and begin unbuttoning your shirt. you let the shirt cling against your hips as you close your eyes and focus. eight fuzzy appendages slide out of your back, lethal and spiderlike, creating a trail of wet noise as they move.  a slimy white liquid, thicker than water, clings to each leg as they extend out. 

“is this okay?” you asked in a small voice. your cheeks are still too hot and your chest feels too tight. you’re not proud of what you just did, especially when it’s under broad daylight and directly in front of a pro hero you admire. 

you look at him, hoping he’s sated, but instead you notice one corner of his mouth pull into a wide smirk. “gross,” he said, laughing a little, “i’ve never seen something so fucking weird.”  

you quickly retract the legs and button up your shirt. perhaps this isn’t the best place for you after all. 

“you’re hired.” 

his admission causes you to freeze and turn around. the top button of your shirt is still undone but you ignore it. you’re not sure what you feel first, relief or shock, as you watch him intently from your spot. there’s a look of satisfaction on bakugou’s face as he relaxes against his chair. he’s still smiling, but this time there’s no air of mockery clinging to him. 

you think back to what he did and wonder if this was just a test. he sounded so natural. but you remember what people said about him. that this was what he’s always like, or that sometimes he will only do this to people that want to work under him. 

you couldn’t just leave, not when you worked so hard to be here. 

you suck in a breath and slowly exhale. “thank you, sir.” 

over the next few weeks, you learn that bakugou doesn’t like doing things in his office. he would, as he put it, rather be out hunting villains. he lives and breathes battles that wage for hours, with an open field where he can use any of his moves without discretion. 

you also learn that he would rather you take care of his office for him. apparently, the man you met when you first came was quitting and you were his replacement in addition to being a future sidekick. 

though you’re content with doing the paperwork for bakugou, you have still yet to properly distinguish yourself as a soon-to-be hero. 

“if you want to be a hero you’ll have to deal with other issues too, so get to work.” bakugou tosses you the files of all the villains he apprehended for the week and storms away. one of the interns said he’s like this with everyone, but you seem to get the worse of it. 

those are some of his good days. 

during the second month of your employment in his agency, bakugou asks you to go with him on patrol. the interns-those who still manages to stay-silently congratulates you. 

there’s a noticeable beat to your steps as you follow bakugou out of his hero agency. he’s walking slow, and you think it’s because you’re following him. a dozen questions surface but you could only think of none that will fit right in your mouth. 

finally, bakugou catches you staring at him. “i look awesome don’t i? this hero costume always catches a lot of attention.” he sounds proud and even happy. for the first time, you smile and agree. 

just as you finally find the courage to talk to him, bakugou makes a sharp stop. his hands are limp at his side as he gazes at something plastered onto the walls. your eyes linger on the thick ‘x’ painted over a hero poster of ground zero. some of them even had their eyes cut out while others were mutilated by weapons of all design. 

“sir?” 

he doesn’t respond, but you notice his grenade gauntlets shaking. at first, you think bakugou’s going to attack the posters and rip them off. instead, he continues walking, but now there’s an air of tension clinging to him. so you move forward and begin tearing the posters down. you don’t know why, but seeing them reminds you of the troublesome moments from your past. except the victim isn’t you, but bakugou. 

“forget about it [name],” came bakugou’s voice from afar. you pause as you turn to look at him. he still has his back to you, but the tension is gone. “they’ll just put up more.” there’s a calmness to his voice that you never anticipated. 

you nod, mouthing an ‘okay’ before catching up to him. 

“doesn’t it bother you in any way?” you then asked, trying to keep your pace besides bakugou, who has stopped walking slow. there are crude words drawn onto some of the posters, all telling the hero on them to die or go to hell. just like how you were told in the past. 

“we tolerate and go on with our work, that’s how pro heroes are,” bakugou replied. it soon occurs to you that he’s not looking anywhere. he’s supposed to be patrolling but he’s keeping his attention ahead. suddenly, bakugou stops again and you catch yourself from bumping into him. 

“you may fight with me in the future.” he’s turned his gaze away so you couldn’t see what’s on his face. but you could guess; it’s with an air of attempted indifference except with a slight smirk on his face. regardless, you feel excitement bubbling in your chest. 

“thank you, sir!” you told him, standing straighter as you try to decide whether to bow or not. you still remember bakugou telling you off for being too formal with him. ‘it makes me feel itchy’ he said. still, the drunken feeling of happiness spills into your mind and a small laugh slips out of your mouth. 

there’s silence again, except there’s no tension and bakugou seems to be gazing at you from the corner of his eye. 

suddenly, he turns to fully look at you. “shouldn’t you be patrolling elsewhere? i never said you’re supposed to follow all the time, that’s now how it works.” 

you’re about to say that he was rather vague about his instructions. but then you decide not to. at the very least, bakugou’s in his usual demeanor again. except, you would rather see this side of him. 

“die! die! and you too!” the air trembles and the ground shakes with each explosion bakugou sets off. what’s even louder, however, are the plethora of words that he tosses to the villains. by the time the police arrives, all of them are battered and bruised, too tired to need to be tied up. 

you watch as your legs cling to the side of the building as the police escort the villains away. bakugou’s chest is heaving up and down, but you notice his face more. his smile is a touch too wide and gleeful and his eyes a vibrant hue of crimson. 

he enjoys the violence and chaos, you know, and it inspires you to do more with your own battles. you did your fair share of damage, although they were little more than wrist slaps compared to what bakugou did. 

“fuck i wanna go for some drinks,” bakugou said, letting out a breathless laughter as he turns to look at you. “you wanna come? it’s all on me.” he points to himself with his thumb, looking more proud of himself than anyone else could. 

“sure,” came your response as you dust off your hero costume. 

“and listen, keep those legs out because i want people to see how great my sidekick is.” 

your cheeks immediately heat up with embarrassment at his words. bakugou doesn’t lie–he’s always honest, brutally so. you couldn’t bare to look at him lest he sees your face. 

“uh, thanks,” you said, turning away. 

you wonder if bakugou even needs to pay. people always like it when pro heroes of his caliber appear. it’s good publicity and they would rather let them drink and eat free than see them go anywhere else. 

still, you’re glad bakugou’s becoming kinder. not just from his invitation but to those words. you shouldn’t feel any more happier than the usual but something light is bursting in your chest. 

“what’re you smiling for?” bakugou’s question cuts into your train of thought. he’s watching you with narrowed eyes, but his mouth is curled into a smug smile. “you’re not thinking of something pervy, aren’t you?” 

“what? no! i’m just happy about the last fight!” you told him, waving your hands in front in defense. 

but bakugou doesn’t buy it. he cuts you off and presses one hand on your shoulder. “do you have a crush on me, [name]?” 

you feel your heart beat faster at his question. 

“w-why would i have a crush on you?” 

“you do, don’t you? c’mon, say it.” he’s smiling, with the same gleefulness as before. “it’s not like i’ll tell anyone, that my sidekick has a stupid crush on me.” 

your spider legs extend and push you back and to the side. “th-that’s classified!” you feel the color drain from your face as bakugou’s laughter spills into the quiet air. 

“damn right you do.” 

so for the next ten minutes, you allow your body to hang in the air as your spidery limbs do the walking. a part of you couldn’t believe what bakugou just said. yet, you also don’t know what he’s thinking deep inside. 

it could be anything. 

anything really. 

and to think that you could have a crush on him, someone as crude and violent as him. sure you want to be his sidekick but...that’s it. 

really, that’s it. 

you watch him from side to side, walking with a swagger as if he owns the street. before you left your internship at ochako’s agency, she mentioned the way bakugou rubs off on people. 

“you either like him or you don’t” she said, “there’s no in-between and both are extremities.” 

for most of your life as bakugou’s sidekick, you would continue to ponder over ochaco’s words and your feelings. it’s not until later that you realize you both are all wrong. 

actually, there’s no time to even think about anything. 

you’re not sure how physically broken you are until you smell the iron of your blood and register the stickiness of it clinging to your body and pooling around your form. there’s no distress or terror or anything, you’re too weak to even profess emotions as simple as those. 

the villain’s voices drift weakly into your ears as you stare up into the night sky. shit, where’s bakugou? where are the police?

did you even press the speed-dial button?

but then, you feel it, a faint rumble and the next thing you know the air shivers and vibrates as several explosive noises erupt around you. they’re so close that you could almost feel the smoldering heat and smell the flesh catching on fire.

there’s screaming. lots of them. but you can make out one.

bakugou.

he’s here and he’s ripping apart those villains, not capturing them. you can sense it before you even saw it. a part of you is relieved and another part is–

“what the fuck’s wrong with you?” bakugou’s voice rips apart the quiet after the destruction. his form crowds your vision, eyes feral with anger and teeth grating against each other. “did you listen to me when i told you that you’re supposed to fight when only i’m with you?” he’s speaking as if you couldn’t hear, loud and slow, but with purposeful anger that intensifies the viciousness on his face. 

for the first time, you feel fear and terror and disappointment. 

and bakugou’s not done yet. his face is red with untethered rage and his form shaking with visible tension. 

“you don’t listen to me, don’t you? if you get hurt and die, then that’s all on me. it’ll be the single greatest fucking failure because i am responsible for you. so don’t fucking look at me with those eyes, [name]. i’ll strip you of your role if you hurt yourself.” 

still, try as you might, you couldn’t respond. instead, you watch as bakugou bends down and brushes a thumb against your cheek. you don’t know what happens next. 

there are many things that you come to find out in the next few weeks. first, several of your appendages have been broken beyond repair, save for just two on your left side. therefore, it’s highly suggested that you give up your hero work until something can replace the missing legs–if something can be done at all. second, bakugou’s friends are much different than him. midoriya, ingenium (who you come to learn goes by iida as his real name), and ochako visits you, ochako more so than any. thirdly, you’ll be confined to the hospital for another week. 

it’s not until the third to last day of your hospitalization that bakugou visits you. when he comes, he’s dressed in a civilian outfit, with his hands shoved in his pockets. 

the usual demeanor, you see.

but there’s a noticeable tension that feels familiar. you watch him, half-nervous and half-hopeful. but most of all, you’re happy to see he’s still doing well. 

he sits on the stool and doesn’t say anything, nor does he look at you. 

you feel a rising need to speak first, so you do and said, “i’m sorry.” you let your words linger as your fingers curl into the white sheets. that night is still fresh on your mind, almost as if you never left it. 

your back aches sometimes, but it aches even worse tonight. 

“it’s you, why is it you of all fucking people on this earth?” bakugou’s soft words forces you to fully turn your attention to him. 

you watch as he grips the knee of his legs tightly in his hands. his shoulders are shaking and his head lowered. you feel your voice catching in the back of your throat so you remain silent. 

but still, one of you must break it again. “if it’s better, i can go, i can lea–”

“the hell you are!” this time, his words are loud, yet there’s a fine tremble to it that makes you believe he’s holding back another emotion. 

he moves and suddenly he’s straddling you, his form so close that you could smell the faint caramel of his scent. he places his hands on your shoulders, gripping in the same bruising way that makes you wince. 

“back there when i saw you, when i fucking saw you laying in your own blood, i–i thought i truly did lose you for a moment. i could yell and mock you and anyone else all i want, but if you die–if you really die, then i don’t know what i will do. i need you so much, it drives me crazy, you know? you’re the only person in this damn city that’ll willingly go to hell for me. so don’t die, this city needs you and i need you.” 

he pauses and takes a deep breath. 

you are left stunned, mind replaying his words over and over. you hear the crack in his voice and notice the wet trail of tears rolling down his cheeks. he suddenly leans his face down, placing his forehead on your shoulder as his hands grip at your shirt. 

“stay, and i’ll show you more than just being a hero, okay?” 

“but i can’t–i don’t even have a useful quirk anymore.” you feel your own eyes prick with tears. you want to jump into a hole all of a sudden. 

“who the fuck cares? you can do other things,” was bakugou’s immediate response. “you damn idiot, thinking you can leave me just because you don’t have a quirk? i’ll kill you.” but there’s a gentleness to his words, something that only the bakugou could say and you’d be fine with it. 

and with no boundaries nor professionalism to uphold, you wrap your arms around him and pull him close to you. 

days after you were released, bakugou sends you the documents he needs you to look through. 

it’s not until ochako’s visit that you notice something else too. 

“he signed it with ‘yours’! oh my gosh, he likes you!” she said, red dusting her cheeks. 

you immediately close your laptop and pushes it under your bed. “no he doesn’t, he just figured out how to be polite in emails.” but still, you understand the implications. you already figured out, too, that bakugou’s feelings toward you have changed. it’s been changed ever since the accident, and perhaps even later than that. 

three days later, you receive an official letter from ground zero’s hero agency, asking you to come back to work full-time. 

once again you find yourself on the steps to bakugou’s hero agency. it’s still the same, simple and normal. 

but you are different than the you who was just a newbie. 

the door suddenly opens and bakugou steps out. he’s dressed in his hero costume and you notice the visible irritation crawling on his face. 

“you’re late, you know,” he said, hands clenching into fists. he doesn’t come and drag you up the stairs, instead he waits, albeit with impatience dancing in his eyes. 

“yeah i know,” you told him, mouth spreading into a soft smile, before laughing a little at the way he looks to the side. 

“you’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” 

“i know that too, sir.” 

a/n: okay so bakugou’s surprisingly hard to write down, especially his dialogues. he’s older here, so i imagine he would have matured in other ways as well. this is definitely a challenge but it’s fun to write! let me know what you think.