#me when i saw the family table in SB one time and was like 'i could make that a whole character trait'

[spring-lxcked]

genuinely was thinking abt william in his SB verse still cooking meals generally considered to be family meals because that's what he was accustomed to cooking, got sad, and then remembered that i can not feel bad for this dude

[hylianane]

I think about it all the time, though I always relate less to them leaving him and more to them abandoning their shared ambitions. And it- there’s a difference to me I can only hope to explain coherently.  I always thought Zoro was harder on those who leave because it brings back the taste of someone going back on their promises. The Strawhats swore to one another to stick together until they achieved all of their dreams (we all saw the barrel scene in the East Blue), but suddenly his crewmmates are going sike! And dropping out of the crew. Choosing to leave a promise half-made. It of course ties back to Kuina, who left their promise half-made because ‘fate’ didn’t give her a choice- and of course now with the SBS we know his family left him lonely far too early, too. That interpretation always felt right to me when taking into account how he reacted differently to Robin, Usopp, and then Sanji. With Robin, he kept his head cool and encouraged Nami and Luffy to first figure out what’s truly happening before acting. This, because while Robin had been his friend, at this point they technically hadn’t forged such strong promises, and she was still tagging along under the pretense that Luffy owed for saving her life. It was easier for him not to feel as hurt. 

With Usopp, he was far stricter because yes, he understands why Usopp decided to leave, but that doesn’t mean his actions didn’t show a weak resolve. He won’t allow himself, and especially not the crew, to trust someone who will half-ass a promise only to be disappointed in the end- even if that someone is someone he cares about and even admits to wanting back. And then with Sanji, when he was first given the excuse that he ran away to marry some princess, of course he was like oh fuck this guy. Two years worth of promises and hard work and he choses now to fucking leave them? While they’re about to face down a yonko??? That one stings. That one hurts. They’ve been with together since the East Blue, working together towards the same goal, pushing each other to their limits and now he leaves as if, like OP said, their bond meant nothing. He’ll gladly close his eyes and tell Luffy not to bother chasing after him while they have things to get done.

There’s certainly so much like... underlying resentment at his friends choosing to leave all they’ve built together, willingly. How is it fair that the people he’s supposed to trust can just walk away without warning? One day they’re there, the next day fighting with Luffy, or leaving a vague note on the table, or being covered by a sheet and lowered into the ground. That’s so unfair.

Do you think zoro got especially upset when crew members try to leave (ie. Usopp and sanji) because he feels like he’s already had one family inadvertently leave him and now a member of his family is “choosing” to leave, as if their bonds meant nothing

[justjensenanddean]

Jensen Ackles | JIBCon, Solo Panel, (Rome, Italy, August 28 2022)

(x)

Jensen panel. Will he do any more theatre? No, that was a huge mistake. A musical? “A musical??? ” (x)

Would Jensen do more theater work? “Nope, Few Good Men was a mistake, that was 120 pages long and I was on like 100!” And musical? “Um, maybe” You sing so well, and act! “Yeah, I can do both…”  (x)

He likes challenges, so maybe… but he doesn't plan that far in the future  (x)

Jensen recently saw Music Man with Hugh Jackman. Was blown away. It was a lot of fun. Made him think if he wants to do that. Answer? “Nah. I’d have to do jazz hands.” But we’ll see. He doesn’t know what he’ll do in 6 months.  (x)

He loves directing because it makes him think in a different perspective and it’s challenging. So maybe to the musical. The only musical he’s ever done is West Side Story.  (x)

One thing Jensen doesn’t miss is being trapped in the Impala with Jared after Jared had a burrito. Yellow Fever is an ep that comes to mind because it was funny through and through. But funniest scene is “the whole show”. (x)

Jensen panel: Every scene over the past 15 years was the funniest scene #jib12  (x)

(x)

They were able to do risky storylines and go meta thanks to the fans. Because we stuck with them.  (x)

Q about iconic lines. Does he realize they’re iconic when he reads the script or when he films them? Both. Sometimes it will come up filming. SB was more on the page but one day Kripke was in set & he & Kripke brainstormed lines on the spot. #jib12  (x)

There’s a freedom to be creative. Healthy work environment, The Boys is not a toxic set “of which there are a lot of”. Sometimes he doesn’t realize a line will be iconic, other times one will not hit.  (x)

Jensen thinks the writers just wrote SB that way and hoped he can deliver. Doesn’t think Kripke demanded it. Kripke came up with “can’t go in dry” on the spot. Jensen mentions Paul Reiser had a lot of iconic lines too.  (x)

The audition scene for SB was the scene with The Legend, Paul Reiser. So many good lines. (x)

The legend dialogue was the audition scene for Jensen.  (x)

How was it being Dean again? “Like slipping into an old pair of sneakers. Just leaning against that car again…” There will not be a lot of visible Dean in it though. They reshot some of the Pilot. John Schowalter (sp?) stepped in 4 Sigriccia.He’s excited for us to see it.  (x)

Favorite beer in Family Business? He doesn't know, because there's a rotation of beer types and he hasn't been home for 2 months... but he likes Grackle  (x)

Fave beer on tab? Since he hasn’t been home in 2 months, he doesn’t know what’s on tab right now, but the Grackle is always on and it’s his go to. “But don’t drink too much of it, it’ll get ya.”  (x)

(x)

‘Is it time for apple juice? Someone let me know when it’s 12’ (x)

Does he want to be the lead on another long running show? Yes, he has no problem with it. A few projects in early development with him as lead, particularly a movie he’s excited about. But he doesn’t talk about things until they’re a sure thing, so no teasers. (x)  He just likes good stories, to entertain. That’s his thing. (x)

JENSEN TALKED ABOUT THERE BEING PROJECTS. AT LEAST ONE MOVIE. AND THE LEAD ON A TV SHOW. NOTHING FOR SURE YET. BUT THEY'RE SITTING DOWN AT TABLES. HE JUST DROPPED THAT BOMB? (x)

‘I would take a lead again, if the story was right’ (x)

Jensen wants “apple juice” and two of the three bottles are actual apple juice. “You tricked me. What is going on here.”  (x)

‘It’s actually apple juice - you tricked me!’ (x)

At his first con in the UK, a multi fandom con, he thought he was just a face in the crowd and Jensen and Wayne were overwhelmed with the reception. First time Jensen thought “we might get another season”  (x)

How is Jensen practicing his voice drop? He never had any proper training, never did any work, it just naturally went down. It’s JDMs fault. “He’s so cool. I wanna be him when I grow up. I’m still waiting for that.”  (x)

Jensen says that in the first season of SPN admired Jeffrey Dean Morgan so much that he wanted to be like him when he grows up. (x)

He doesn't think his singing voice has changed that much over the years, his speaking voice has changed more. And he never took singing lessons or anything like that!  (x)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Hello I saw your post with the Roxy having a lost child that got me thinking what if chica has a lost child as well.Maybe the child wanted to meet chica in person in the pizzaplex but couldn’t because of money issues so they hid until after hours and went looking for her.

They would probably meet her when the child got hungry and went to look for food like in the kitchen.And possibly the child getting excited to see her and mentions to wanting to share their food with her when catching her eating garbage sadly knowing how it feels to not eat good food due to money issues??

Also they wear a pink shirt with glittery hair clips having big white frame glasses with cheap white and pink make shift jewelry holding a white chicken plushie that has little handmade clothes and accessories to resemble her ???

Not really good with this one maybe you can think of something better??? IDK

Oh this is FAR too cute to pass up...I think I wanna make this a little series haha. If ya'll get anymore ideas with Monty or Freddy or hell even DJ Music Man I'd love to hear them! Doesn't matter if they're plot-centered or not (ie this fic is set prior to SB's events).

.......

Every so often you'd find yourself drawn back to Rockstar Row, hoping to see the face of your favorite Mega Pizzaplex star: Glamrock Chica.

But sadly the pink room with a single window looking in remained empty. Her instrument was abandoned on the sofa, and it only made you frown as you wondered where she could have gone if she wasn't practicing.

Still you didn't give up hope. Though you didn't realize how truly alone you were until now, after the doors closed for the night and wouldn't reopen until 6AM. You can only imagine what this place must've looked like when it was open during the day, with families and children running amok.

The truth was, this was your first time inside the mall. You've always had to admire it from the outside, as financial struggles in your family made it difficult to visit such fun places.

This one certainly wasn't on the table. "We can't waste our money there, [y/n]. We need it for more important things like food and clothing and doctor visits. Do you understand?" Your family said after you casually mentioned Mega Pizzaplex's grand opening.

Of course, it was probably silly to ask them that. But it didn't hurt any less hearing that nearly every kid in town went here, and you had to lie so they didn't make fun of you.

Though now you understood what they were talking about. This place rocks! You didn't anticipate it being huge. You would've lost your way had a Mapbot not surprised you with a free map, so you pulled it out and took a look at it, wondering where to go from here.

The white chicken plushie that you dolled-up to resemble Chica was tucked under your arm as you read the map. You then felt your stomach growling a little, and you decided simple snacks won't do. You've been using magnets to scramble the vending machines so you didn't have to scour for quarters.

But you could definitely go for a proper meal. Like a pizza.

'Wait..Chica always advertises food...maybe she's at the kitchen!' You thought with a smile, before you ventured to the atrium where most of the popular attractions and restaurants were.

You saw places like El Chip and Bonnie Bowl on the floors above, but none of them seemed fitting for Chica. So after carefully maneuvering past the STAFF security bots, and getting lost several times in the vents, you arrived "behind the scenes" of the mall and found the red double doors with a sizzling pan icon on the wall.

Of course, it didn't say "kitchen" in bright neon letters, and this place was more dull and dreary than you expected. But judging from the munching sounds you heard on the other side, you knew you were right where you wanted to be.

After dusting yourself off, you prepared to meet her, hoping to share a pizza with her if possible, as you gently pushed the door open.

And you finally saw the glamorous chicken you've come to adore..

Eating...garbage?

Sure enough, there she was--shoveling old food and plastic wrappers into her beak like it was the last supper. She seemed to take delight in this "meal", as she continued happily munching on the trash, ignoring everything around her.

Despite being surprised she was acting this way, you weren't shocked nor disgusted.

After all, you could understand the need to pick through trash, relying on leftovers and other people's food scraps to sustain yourself. It was far from unhealthy, but you were used to it. It's been your way of living and getting whatever nutrients you needed. You even searched through those same dumpsters to make jewelry for yourself, like the glittery clips in your hair and plastic bracelets on your wrists.

Considering that, being able to visit this place and afford real tasty food was something you only thought was possible in dreams.

You never would've expected to see Chica, a literal robot celebrity, doing the same thing you've been doing for years.

Did they not feed her enough here? Or was the food not as great as everyone says? Or maybe the pressures of singing got to her?

As you thought about why she'd resort to eating trash, the door unknowingly squeaked shut and you tensed up.

The sudden noise made her cease all movements. Then, much like an owl, she swiveled her head around 180 degrees and saw you standing there.

You hugged your chicken tightly, frozen like a deer in headlights as she stood up and turned her body, her head shifting back into its normal place with a click. "This area is off-limits!" She warned, approaching you, though as she realized you (and your plush) were dressed like her, she stopped and gazed at you in wonder.

"Little chick..you look...so lovely! What adorable glasses!" She smiled, taking the wing of your chicken and shaking it. Though she frowned slightly, her friendly demeanor faltering quickly. "But what are you doing back here? Especially after hours?"

"I-I..I got locked in." You told her, not wanting to be afraid. "But I just wanted to meet you!"

Chica got down on both knees and tilted her head, a frown resting on her beak. "I haven't seen you before. What's your name, sweetie?"

"[Y/n], I'm..probably the only kid in town who hasn't seen you in-person. I can't really..a-afford to come here." You looked down at your shoes in shame, hugging the chicken plushie. This was definitely not how you wanted your first meeting with your idol to go. She was probably mad at you for trespassing. "So I..I stayed after closing."

"[Y/n], you should know better." She tutted, shaking her head. "No matter the reason, nobody should wander back here where it's so dark and dirty and full of rats and...trash...mmm..delicious trash...."

"Uh..Chica?" You looked up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion at her strange behavior.

"H-H-Huh?" Suddenly her head twitched as she made a bwak-like noise, holding the sides of her face before seemingly coming back to her senses. "I'm sorry..I...our friendly security STAFF will escort you out-"

"No, no. It's okay. I don't judge you for liking trash." Putting your plush in your pocket, you reached up to put your smaller hands over her plastic ones. "I...know what it's like to not always have good food. Sometimes trash is all I have for a few days, or a week..maybe longer. But I understand the struggle, Chica. It's okay."

Chica blinked with surprise, before her shoulders relaxed a bit. She knew very well nobody was happy with her new "eating habits", especially after that Monty Mystery Mix made her go haywire. But she wouldn't dare tell you that...she felt guilty enough for scaring you.

She definitely felt like something was wrong with her, though for now she didn't want to put that burden on you. You've gone through enough trouble trying to find her--and put great effort into your choice of fashion--so all she wanted to do was treat you like a superstar, as every kid who met her deserves to feel.

Being caught in a dirty kitchen eating filth wasn't exactly the best first impression, but you seemed to understand and have empathy for her. And for that she was grateful. She couldn't imagine what would happen if another child caught her like this.

"Oh, sweetie..that means a lot to me. Now I can't send you home on an empty stomach, can I?" She stood up, gesturing to a nearby bot dressed in a chef's outfit, explaining to you how pizzas are crafted virtually and delivered on time.

Since the machines were still working, she took you to the kitchen office where the Pizzabot's controls were, holding your hand so you didn't get lost. The Security bots who patrolling the area seemed confused about whether to sound the alarm or not.

In the end, you got to enjoy a delicious pizza with your favorite Glamrock.

You both agreed this was definitely more satisfying than leftovers.

[laladellakang]

[Vlog] 델라의멀티로그🐟🎓🖤😉❕ - ENHYPEN (엔하이픈)

masterlist | wattpad | requests / ask enhypen

italics dialogue = english | bold + [] = video captions

della's vlog where she tries to do what all they boys did in theirs

! this isn't really requested but i needed to make this 'cause i have writer's block and need to find my groove again !

[ 🐻 Good morning, ENGENE~~~ Hello, it's me, DELLA!! ] [ I'm greeting you barefaced today. I'm going to film a vlog!!!! ]

Della started her vlog off by waking up. Unlike last time, however, she's actually in her bed.

The camera was all up on her face and there was lofi music playing.

[ Oh no, Jjeongjeong saw me... ]

She pretended to act all shy before showing the camera that it was her stuffed cat.

[ Ily SUNOO-ya ㅋㅋ❤️ ]

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

"Today! I will be doing all the things the members did in their vlog!" Della was sat criss-cross on her bed. "I'm the only one who doesn't have a vlog since they are too 'cool' to ask me to be in any of theirs," she bent her two fingers at the 'cool.'

"Well to be fair, I don't enjoy fishing, I'm just graduating, I'm not a Hanlim student, I'm not a part of Jungwon's family and I'm not a Music Bank MC- but that's not the point!" her inner rapper came out. "I will be doing what they did within one video!"

"First!" Della suddenly went quiet, racking her brain for what to say and do. "I am... Not going fishing.."

[ Uhhh ]

"Oh but they bought groceries! I'm gonna buy groceries!"

[ Hooray! ⭐️ ]

"So the members gave me a list on what they wanted," the camera was facing the supermarket's ceiling with Della whispering directly into the microphone. "I'm whispering because I don't wanna catch attention," we could then see Della's face again when she placed the device on the cart.

[ Members come first! ]

"Jay-oppa asked for quite a lot, I think he wants to cook something," she leaned down to speak quietly. "Maybe it's roast chicken since he asked for a whole chicken."

[ It was roasted chicken! It was soooooo yummy ]

"I usually go shopping with some of the members but I'm alone this time, so- and I don't think I've ever gone grocery shopping alone too, sooo," she bit her lip and paused a little.

[ Are you watching this, HEESEUNG-oppa? Baby DELLA is doing well, huh? 😌 ]

"It's gonna be a new- ooh! Tanghulu! Strawberries! I frickin' love strawberries!" she whispered aggressively.

[ Got distracted... ]

"Maybe I should buy fish and cook it sometime.. Yeah, let's buy fish."

[ Fishing! 🐟 ]

The next clips just showed Della picking up stuff and placing it in her cart.

"Okay- in retrospect, this is pretty boring to watch. I'm really sorry," she spoke quietly again.

[ Sorry, guys 😞 ]

"Maybe I should've gone fishing- actually, nope, it's all good. We still have three more things to do!"

[ Great vlog idea, DELLA 👍 ]

"Where are you going on Sunday? Inkigayo!" Della pointed a finger gun to the camera. "Hello, I'm Inkigayo's MC, Della," she shook a peace sign beside her face.

"We are now in the SBS green room," she spun the camera to show the area. "I'm lucky to have my own since I'm the only girl..." she thought about what she said for a few seconds. "Wait a second! I'm the only girl in the group too, why don't I get-" the next clip was added before she could finish her sentence.

"So this is the look for today," she was now standing up and showing her outfit. "A sailor-type of concept."

[ Let's go fishing!!!!! ]

"We just did a table read and should go live soon," she peeped outside of the door. "Unlike Sunghoon-oppa, our script is on a cue card right belo-"

"Della-ya!" she jumped before quickly turning around to reply with a 'yes?' "Is that a vlog?!"

[ -Right below the camera 👍 ] [ Cameo from a fellow MC and bandmate ✨ ]

"No no no, I'm not letting you show on camera," she looked like she was restraining someone back.

"Why not?!" anyone could tell that it was Choi Yeonjun.

"I wasn't in your vlog so why should you be in mine," she scrunched her face with a light glare.

"Okay okay, I'm sorry- but to be fair! It was our first day-"

"You were in my first day vlo-" it then cut to a blank screen.

"Hello, I'm Tomorrow x Together and TYD's Yeonjun," he finally appeared by her side and gave a wave to the camera.

[ Our 4th Gen It Boy 🥴 ]

"It's almost time for us to go live so we will see you again soon, byee!"

Della was then seen MCing on set. The camera was completely focused on her and covered Yeonjun and Bumjune.

[ Hope you liked the broadcast! ]

"Now I can eat!" she placed the camera down on the table in front of her. "Everytime we do a broadcast or a music show or well- basically anything in front of the camera, I always eat half of my food before and the other half after."

[ Unless we eat in a restaurant 😁 ]

"I don't wanna be too full, y'know?" she paused to take a big mouthful. The editors censored it with her picture though. "Mmm! So good!" she said with a small dance once some of the food has gone.

[ Wiggle wiggle ]

She covered her mouth with a giggle when she realised something.

"I wanna ask you guys. Listen- I don't know one girl who doesn't do a little dance or clap or make a small sound when they eat something yummy, what about you guys?"

[ Do you also do it or do you know someone who does? ]

"If the members eat something yummy, they go like 'wah!'" she said with an exaggerated deep voice. "Sometimes my baby also does the little dance like 'mmm,'" she repeated the wiggle.

[ My baby SUNOO ❤️ ]

"Why am I talking about this? We have to get to the next part of the vlog!"

"Guys, I'm actually graduating today!" Della exclaimed. She was still in her room.

[ I am God's favourite ]

"It is one o'clock at the moment. The ceremony is at three and the graduates have to be there at two-thirty or so," she showed the clock on her phone (additionally showcasing her OT8 lockscreen).

"The graduation in my school starts quite late in the afternoon. The other members'- except Jake's, of course, have them in the morning," she placed the camera down on her desk.

[ So we have lots of time to get ready! ]

"And we don't wear our uniforms to the ceremony! We wear formal outfits," she stepped back to show her dress. "We'll also be wearing the gowns later."

[ Of course mine has to be a black dress ]

"Jake-oppa wore a suit in his graduation but none of y'alls saw it," she shaded. "That guy acts like he's soo secretive when basically the whole world knows that he used to go to Dwight."

[ Sim Jaeyun slander time 🤭 ]

"He only posted that ONE picture of us in our uniforms and that's the only time he openly admitted to being a Dwight student," she sighed dramatically. "Is he ashamed to be in the same school as me?"

[ No, I'm not -JAKE (not DELLA at all) ]

"Okay, that's enough. Let's take a look at what the boys are wearing, shall we?" she took the camera with a mischievous look. "Guys! Can I see your outfits?!"

(the top furthest left is della's and it's up to you guys which boy gets which outfit)

"Ooh nicee, whose members are these?" she had a large grin on her face. "Hot damn!" she turned the camera towards the boys.

"Hello," "Engenes!" they all waved to the camera.

[ Don't they look dashing? 😍 ]

"Oh wow, maybe I shouldn't have shown you guys here 'cause our living room's a mess," Della muttered, making the boys laugh. "Maybe I'll post a picture on Weverse or Twitter once this vlog gets out."

[ Posted! ]

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

"Hello!" Sunghoon appeared in an outdoor-looking place with a mask on. "We have arrived at the school and we are waiting for the ceremony to begin," Jungwon came by his side and into the frame.

[ I'm not allowed to hold onto anything so the members will take over! ]

"The ceremony is indoors but the weather is amazing today," Jungwon squinted his eyes a little upon looking at the sun. "It's sunny but not too hot."

"Have you guys ever seen Della's school up close?" Sunghoon turned the camera to show the campus with the rest of the boys standing near some shrubs. "It's like the schools in dramas, really."

"Oh you're right!" the camera started zooming in on the five boys slowly. "F5," then the Sungwon started singing to the Boys Over Flowers OST.

[ ... ]

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

"Guys, we got Della a massive bouquet of her favourite flower," Sunoo said excitedly while hugging a (truly) large bouquet of roses.

"This is from Enhypen, Della's family and the staff. It's from all from us," Jay came to stand beside him. "Della's parents brought it here- thank you, 부모님," he gestured to the side. [bumonim : parents]

[ Thank you, my loves ❤️ ]

"Hello!" Della's dad's hand made a small cameo. "I'm so proud of you, sweetie. We love you!" he made a finger heart while her mom joined him with a 'we love you!'

[ They're so cute 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I love you! ]

"We're going to head inside since the ceremony is about to start, let's go!"

The boys sat in the audience, waiting for Della to go up to the stage. Their faces were the only ones who weren't censored.

"Della Kang," a roar of cheers from her very extra supporters erupted, causing the headmaster (who is the one to firstly congratulate the graduates) jump in surprise.

[ 😅😅 ]

The clips showed her walking on stage, receiving her diploma and having the string of her cap placed to the right side from the left.

It immediately cut to her standing on stage with her friends for pictures and finally throwing her cap in the air.

[ 🎓🎓🎓]

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

"No way" Della made her way to her parents after everyone was back outside. "This is so cute, oh my God! It's massive!" her eyes widened as she took the bouquet from her mom. "Thank you!" she held it with one arm and used the other to give them all a hug.

The camera captured their excessive photo-taking session as well as Della's parents' teases when Enha decided to take individual pictures with their daughter.

"Eh? Ehh?" "Aww!" "Eyy, what is that?! Closer!" "That's the way!" "EHEM!" "Woo!" "Kang Della! What are you doing?! Hug him back!"

[ Mom and dad... ]

"Hello! So we are now- oppa!" Della slapped Heeseung's arm. "Pay attention!"

"Ah! Yes yes," he stopped looking at his phone to pay attention to the camera. "We are here to eat jjajangmyeon in the restaurant that Jay likes."

[ Here again! ]

"We have wine this time for the adults," Della picked up her glass. "I actually really dislike alcohol but I have Heeseung-oppa's glass just for pictures."

[ Do not believe social media 🙃 ]

"My parents and sister are also here with us," Della directed the camera to them.

"Eh-" Niki and Jungwon looked at her with wide eyes.

"You guys have seen them, right?! On the internet? If you haven't then I'm sure they'll censor it," they have but the (additional) editors decided to still censor them.

"Hello," Della's mom waved and leaned her head on her husband's shoulder.

[ Eomma's so pretty 😍 ]

"You know my sister wants to be an idol?" a series of 'what?!'s and 'really?!'s were heard from the boys.

"No!" she hid behind Niki's arm. "Either an idol or badminton athlete."

"Just like your sister then?" "Just like Della," Niki and Jake said at the same time.

"But I think she wants to do badminton more because, unlike Della, she hasn't quit her training," Della whined at her dad's comment. "What?! It's not a bad thing. I'm just stating my observation."

"Ah, if you go the idol route, we might do a collab in the future," Niki told Jaein.

[ ENHYPEN x KANG JAEIN collab?? ]

"Really?!" she stopped hiding behind him. "We'll just see in the future."

[ Jaein's bias is NI-KI. Can you tell? ]

"Just keep training for badminton and if you realise that you like singing more then you know what to do," Della turned the camera back to her and Heeseung before resting her head on his shoulder.

Jay cleared his throat from her other side, making her giggle and switch to him but still lock arms with Heeseung.

[ JAY-oppa ㅋㅋ❤️ ]

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

"So the food's here and let's observe what everyone does when they eat good food," Della whispered to the camera. She looked up and waited patiently.

"Wah!" most of the boys said in unison while Jay and Niki let out a roar-like groan.

[ wAHHHHH ]

"Wait for it.." Della grinned and showed Sunoo, her mom and Jaein.

"Mmm!" cue the little wiggle.

[ See! ]

"See! What did I tell you," she laughed lowly.

"What are you on about?" Heeseung asked.

"Oh nothing," she giggled, placing the camera back and diving in.

[ I'm not gonna do it this time 😋 ]

Afterwards, Della placed the camera at a further angle, where everyone was visible. The audio was muted with an instrumental playing in the background.

[ Music by HEESEUNG-oppa and JAKE-oppa 😉 ]

The video went on just like that. Eleven of them having a pleasant conversation that was best left muted.

There was a time where the audience could see most of Enha laughing so hard that their faces were red and tears came out of Della and Jay's eyes.

[ My home ❤️ ]

The video ended with Della and Niki sat in the backseat of the car, her head reaching to rest on Niki's shoulder as they waved goodbye.

[ This is the end of my vlog ] [I hope you enjoyed it! I love you ❤️ ]

requests: —the boys with della's family —kang jaein might have a teeenie crush on our maknae

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[akindofmagictoo]

manuscript search tag game

this is another one from @sleepyowlwrites, the promised second one

my words are hello, hug, hide, hope, head, hunger, hinder 

hello (Dragonsong) 

Robin’s cane tapped behind her and she turned. He still looked tired. He had dark shadows under his eyes, and when he saw she’d seen him, waved a wordless hello and flopped into a chair. 

hug I’M SORRY SLEEPY I DON’T HAVE THIS IN DRAGONSONG... but it’s in Hurricane (in my defence, Isi isn’t a huggy person. Aella is.) 

Theo took Aella’s hand to help her to her feet. She stood, carefully, then threw her arms around his waist. He hugged her back, resting his chin on top of her head. She was here. In the flesh. He hardly dared believe it, but here she was, in his arms. 

hide (Dragonsong) 

Presumably these families were busy readying children to go. Trainee knights didn’t need to bring much, but most brought certain favourite items of clothing, toys, and other family mementos. 

What she heard outside wasn’t anything like that, she realised. People were screaming, shouting, crying. She heard stumbling, running footsteps, the voices of hurried parents. People returned to the tavern, this time ushering children past Isi’s table and urging them to hide. Every word, every movement was laden with fear. 

hope (Dragonsong) 

“To me it looks like you’re hanging around my house at three at night, which is not even in your sector, so you’re clearly here for a reason. I hope there’s a reason other than to bully my squire.” 

head (Dragonsong) 

“I collapsed a ceiling on myself and fucked up my knee,” Robin snapped, his grin gone. “It was hardly pleasant.” 

“Robin,” said Isi quietly, trying to head him off before he said something he might regret. “I think what SB is trying to say is that there are positives to being powerful. Surely explosions and the like aren’t the only thing your power can be used for.” It was a new perspective for her, too. All her life she’d been taught magic was evil, and well… she’d seen what had happened in Sector Three. But Robin had made the fire that was currently keeping them nice and warm. Without it they’d all be soaking wet and, most likely, freezing cold. 

hunger and hinder I didn’t have in either of my WIPs :( 

I shall tag @zmlorenz @namelessrosewrites @juls-writes and anyone else who wants to play to find the words language, tick, hinder, hunger 

[buckyfullerene]

Jorden van Foreest Wins Tata Steel Chess Tournament 2021

GM Jorden van Foreest became the first Dutch player in 36 years to win the Tata Steel Chess Tournament. The 21-year-old grandmaster defeated his compatriot GM Anish Giri in a dramatic playoff after both had finished on 8.5/13.

"On top of the world," was Van Foreest's answer to the question of all questions—how he felt after winning the super-tournament in Wijk aan Zee.

The oldest brother from a large family of chess players won the "Wimbledon of chess," a tournament of 13 classical rounds over the course of 16 days by remaining undefeated, scoring plus four, and winning the blitz playoff in the armageddon game. He also broke 2700 for the first time as he won 30 rating points.

Meanwhile, it was a massive disappointment for Giri and his fans. The Dutch number-one seemed destined to finally win his first major tournament in which GM Magnus Carlsen participated, but instead he lost his second playoff in Wijk aan Zee, after the one in 2018 against Carlsen.

On the decisive moment, at the end of today's armageddon game, over 80,000 online viewers were watching the combined Chess.com broadcast streams (Twitch, YouTube, and international channels), and more than 700,000 watched over the course of the day. These are incredible numbers for over-the-board tournament play, normally only seen during world championships. The chess boom is real, and Wijk aan Zee profited from it.

The many online spectators witnessed a special moment in the history of Dutch chess. It has been mentioned many times, but van Foreest finally did what predecessors like Jeroen Piket and Loek van Wely couldn't: become the first Dutch winner since GM Jan Timman won it, 36 years ago, in 1985.

A big part of van Foreest's success was his final-round win against GM Nils Grandelius, and that win was largely based on his highly successful opening preparation.

"I have to give a big shoutout to my second, GM Max Warmerdam," said van Foreest. "We had this position on the board this morning. He said, '13...Bd7 is the human move.' We played around a bit, we got to this position with 16...Qb8, and he played 17.c4 and said it was slightly better for White according to the engines, but I didn't know the follow-up."

"In general, it's a very risky line for White," van Foreest added. "I believe Black is better if he knows it, but in this situation, the line is really very well-suited for this game."

Van Foreest continued playing the engine's preferred choices, including the wonderful 21.Nb5!. Grandelius initially defended well but got low on time and at one point collapsed. A nice final touch was van Foreest's king walking to h6, in the style of GM Nigel Short's win vs. 1985 winner Timman.

"It's crazy, it didn't really get through to me yet, I just finished the game. It was a really tough game, and I think happiness will come later," said van Foreest after this game, not realizing how prophetic these words would be.

By then, he knew that his win was going to be good for a tiebreak because it became clear that Giri was going to draw his game. Spanish GM David Anton was in control in this game but failed to convert his long-term advantage.

For a while, Giri's prospects did look rather grim. After two and a half hours, his wife IM Sopiko Guramishvili—on a short break from her own commentary—told an interviewer of the Dutch national broadcaster NOS: "I'm pretending not to be nervous!"

Giri himself was strolling confidently through the playing hall after almost every move he made and was out of trouble when he could play the thematic ...d5 pawn break.

GM Fabiano Caruana, who could still catch the leaders, had little chance for more than a draw against GM Aryan Tari, but that cannot be said about GM Alireza Firouzja. The Iranian teenager was doing rather well against GM Radoslaw Wojtaszek, and he had good chances to finish on the same number of points as Giri and van Foreest.

His Sonneborn-Berger (SB) tiebreak, however, was worse. During the round, it was already clear that a win wouldn't be enough for Firouzja to make it to a playoff, which according to the regulations would only be played by two players.

The all-Dutch playoff was scheduled to start at 18:10, two tables away from Firouzja-Wojtaszek, who were still playing. When these players reached the time control, the arbiters asked them to move to one of the tables farther away so that they would be less bothered by the moves of Giri and Van Foreest.

Firouzja was visibly disturbed (understandably so) and refused to leave the table. While the playoff was underway, he spoiled his promising position, and afterward, he was very angry at the arbiters and shouted at the main organizer. The whole affair was a stain on an otherwise wonderfully organized event in pandemic times.

The regular round saw two more decisive games. For starters, a win for the world champion, who at least managed to finish a bad tournament on a plus score as he outplayed GM Maxime Vachier-Lagrave in a Grunfeld.

"He went for a plan in the middlegame, which probably wasn't very good," explained Carlsen. "After he sac'ed the exchange, I think I was considerably better. 29.Nd2 was pretty nice, giving up another pawn but eventually winning based on domination."

"The overall performance was … shameful, to be honest," Carlsen reflected. "There were really very few moments of redemption in the tournament, it was really quite poor, and I have to do better in the future."

Besides van Foreest, another young grandmaster broke into the elite club of 2700 players for the first time in this tournament. GM Andrey Esipenko finished with a win against the luckless GM Alexander Donchenko.

The playoff consisted of two blitz games; the time control was 5|3. Giri missed a chance to take the lead.

Giri was also better in game two, where he won a pawn. However, too much had been traded by then, and van Foreest held it to a draw with accurate defense.

The match went down the wire with an all-decisive armageddon game. Van Foreest won the toss and chose to play with the black pieces.

Once again, it was Giri who took the upper hand, this time in a must-win game for him. He reached a winning position indeed but then blundered it all away in one move, missing an intermediate check, despite thinking for half a minute on that fateful 26.c6.

The Giri-Van Foreest armageddon game. Photo: Jurriaan Hoefsmit/Tata Steel Chess.

As the players got low on time, it was van Foreest's turn to blunder, first a pawn and then a full piece. Giri was winning again.

In a hectic final phase, the moves were made so fast that the digital chessboard stopped registering them after move 58. To the online viewers, it looked like Giri lost on time in a winning position.

In reality, four more moves were made, and Giri turned out to be the last to blunder. In the final position, he couldn't prevent his opponent from queening a pawn, and as he leaned back in disbelief, he resigned while letting his clock run down to zero.

"In these blitz games, it basically comes down to a lot of luck," said van Foreest. "He played the better chess, but maybe I played the faster chess in the end. Blitz is just a coin flip basically."

Some viewers must have felt uncomfortable with the fact that a 13-round classical tournament is decided in a time scramble like this—especially the ones who were rooting for Giri.

Van Foreest: "I felt bad for Anish, and I felt a bit bad about this game. There was a lot of throwing pieces around. You don't want to win this way but it happened like this, and I'm just really happy now."

The youngest of the two Dutchmen, who is a friend and has helped Giri as a second in the past, praised Giri: "Full credit to him, he played a really good tournament, really deserved to win it. I mean, he could have won both of his last games too, but that is just how it goes."

Giri (second), van Foreest (first), Esipenko (third). Photo: Jurriaan Hoefsmit/Tata Steel Chess.

Thank you all and have a nice day :)

[streetlites]

“… In other news, protesters gathered outside of New Dawn Pharmaceuticals’ headquarters in Detroit, Michigan and in the UNAS capital of Consensus, to rally against the use of OE in children after the death of 8-year-old Rebecca Bright Saturday afternoon. Rebecca began to present biotic abilities earlier this month and was prescribed the controversial suppressant by her pediatrician. New Dawn spokesperson, Ralph Lundgren, issued a statement this morning stating…”

“Cancel news feed,” Yulian commanded from his spot at the dining table and the house fell back into its quiet, sleepy Sunday morning state.

I took a moment to pass over the security logs, my nails tapping at the small glass panel affixed to my wrist.  Vera had left the house before we arrived and had checked in at the range – she’d been spending a lot of time at my office working or practicing at the range ever since she’d revoked Gene’s son’s house access. I nodded in satisfaction – not because I didn’t like the boy, but because I didn’t feel like their future paths aligned. Now that the two of them had broken up, she’d spend more time focusing on college or with working directly with The Brotherhood when she moved to San Myshuno.

I scrolled further, Abram was still out on the Future Leader’s retreat in Consensus and his flight wouldn’t be in until later tonight. And Aleksei? Arrived at the compound at 11:30PM last night ‘with guest’. I could feel my eyes rolling – I had told the boys how I felt about not naming their ‘guests’ at the gate. I sent a surveillance request to the guard house and tapped my foot impatiently while I waited on a response as the coffee pot gurgled at the end of its brewing process.

“Call Tomas LaChance,” Yulian’s voice sounded again. “No, no, cancel. Not Thomas Laitance, you stupid thing. Call Tomas LaChance,” he repeated, heavily stressing his broker’s first name.

My wrist beeped as I poured the coffee into my cup. I put the carafe back on the warmer and swiped to get a look at my son’s ‘guest’ and was annoyed to see the tint on his windshield prevented me from getting a good look at her face – whoever she was, I was relieved to see that it was not Geneva White.

“Tomas? Yes, good morning – glad to have caught you. Listen, I want you to buy as many shares of New Dawn Pharmaceuticals you can get your hands on Monday afternoon.” I turn to watch my husband as he stares blankly, idly picking on a croissant as he listens to the man on the other line. “Yes, I heard the news. Mmm-hmm, very sure.” He nods, even though there’s no video feed, “Monday afternoon. Let me know if you need more funds sent to my account. No – not through Volkov Enterprises, through my personal account. Yes, thank you, Tomas. You, too.”

I watch as he taps his wrist. It’s strange the cues you learn when people are disconnected from their comm devices – how their faces seem to reanimate as they bring their attention on the world around them, a sharp focus to their eyes – some people these days seemed to just stay attached to their comms, always staring off into the distance. “Are you sure that’s wise? I saw Senator Obrigada calling for a review on suppressants.”

“Of course, love. New Dawn holds the patent, there’s no generics available.”

“You’re not worried about a ban?”

Yulian sips his coffee, “No. Some biotic will lose their shit in public a few months from now and everyone will demand that biotics should be on suppressants again. It’s easy money.”

I nod, “Makes sense.” I hear a door opening upstairs and place my coffee cup on the table, fully expecting to get a good look at my son and his sleepover friend.

“Right. But I’d like the price to be driven down pretty low. Do you think you could convince your contact at SBS to push for a sob-piece on the little girl? I mean, really drive it home? School pictures, aspirations, that sort of thing?”

“I’m sure they’re probably already working on it, but I can pass her more information. I can see what I can do to make them drop it tonight and keep on it until –“ I stop at the sight of my son. I can see Yulian’s head swivel towards the pair in my peripheral and he lets out a low whistle.

“Good morning, mother. Father,” Alex says, lacking any sort of embarrassment to being seen escorting a girl from his room this early in the morning. Yulian is wearing a shit-eating grin, it stinks of something that he set into motion. “This is –“

“Yasmin Feng,” I finish. I know goddamn well who the fuck she is. “Good morning, Yasmin.”

“Good morning, Mrs. Volkov,” she says, her voice is sugary sweet. That’s her appeal, her method of getting information – sweet and innocent looking, no one thinks twice about telling her things they wouldn’t tell others.

“I wasn’t aware you and Aleksei knew each other.”

“Well,” Alex starts.

“We didn’t, ma’am. Vera introduced us to one another,” Yasmin finishes and I can feel my heartbeat slow to a crawl. I bring my gaze and look over my son carefully. Apparently, he had taken his break-up with Geneva harder than I had thought.

“Yeah, we went out last night and really hit it off,” Alex explains.

“I can see that,” Yulian quips, but I don’t see the humor in it.

“Does Aleksei know about your upcoming trip?”

“He does, I told him about it.”

“Yeah, mom. It’s cool. We’ve decided that we’re just going to hang out until she leaves. Which works out because Abram and I will be leaving to go to Willow Creek, you know? Nothing major.” I narrow my eyes at my son ‘All of your children are about to leave the house and you’ll have to coordinate security over long distances – no big deal, mom!’ The idiot. Yasmin smiles brightly up at my son as he half-hugs her.

“Well, don’t let us keep you,” my husband says, still grinning like a fool. “Go on and have fun, we’ll see you later.” We watch the two of them disappear down the hall leading to the garage and, presumably out of earshot, before he clears his throat. “You didn’t seem particularly happy about seeing her with Alex.”

“I’m not. I expressly told Vera I was planning on introducing her to Abram.”

“Well, I’m sorry. I asked Vera to hook him up with someone.”

“Vera could have set him up with anyone. Yasmin would have been a great match for Abram, her father is the Chinese ambassador to the UNAS and her mother used to work on the Systems Alliance council. But, more importantly, I wanted Yasmin to keep Abram in line.” And if Vera stepped in and put Yasmin with Aleksei, I sighed. It was a sign that my son was having issues with his future obligations.

Yulian looks up at me with annoyance, “What do you mean, ‘in line’? I thought we agreed that we weren’t going to meddle.”

“And I haven’t been meddling,” I snap, “Look how great that’s been going! I expect Abram to try to distance himself from us the moment he graduates. You know how he’s always gone on about becoming a politician,” Yulian scoffs and I shrug my shoulders. “Which is fine with me if it’s appearances only, but I expect him to help us pass things when we need it. Yasmin knows how to control people, knows how to speak to them. She’d point him in whatever direction I want him to go.”

“Well, she could always do that later,” my husband replies, not understanding why I was unhappy.

“She can’t – because if Vera set her up with Alex, it means that she thinks that Alex is the one that we should focus on keeping on track.”

Yulian takes a moment to consider my words, probably thinking back to the time when he also didn’t want to take the reins of the Volkov family. “Oh, fuck. Do you think that’ll work with Alex?”

“So now you’re okay with my ‘meddling’?” I ask sarcastically. My husband smiles apologetically. “I don’t know if that’ll work with Alex – I think he’ll head it because he’s obligated to either way. Vera might just be sending us a message discreetly.”

Yulian sighs, “I know he’ll do it out of obligation, but I don’t want my son to be miserable his entire life. How can we make him want this?”

“Get your grandfather to talk to him. I’ll try and see if there’s anything I can link him up with in Willow Creek that’ll catch him.”

[sazandorable]

Descriptions Of Lord Asriel That I Cannot Fucking Handle

(spoilers, btw)

So. Surprisingly probably no one ever, it turns out i just Can Not Handle Lord Asriel. I feel personally victimized by Lord Asriel and everything it means about me. I remembered liking him a lot but I never realized how this fucking man apparently shaped my tastes for all male characters and father figures ever. (DISCLAIMER THO: YEAH OK I DO HAVE MY OWN DADDY ISSUES BUT HE IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM MY DAD AND UNRELATED TO THEM. Shocking, yes.)

On first rereading attempt I excruciatingly managed to get through the first chapter and finally just stopped there and screamed in a pillow and stepped away to collect myself, and it took me over 6 months to even consider going back to it.

Which I’m doing now, but that means I still had to reread that first chapter again.

And yeah. Y e a h.

Have a collection of my suffering through the first 3 chapters of the first damn book

"Good evening, Wren,” said Lord Asriel. Lyras always heard that harsh voice with a mixture of pleasure and apprehension.

This is the third thing said about Lord Asriel ever and is also where I first lost it back in October and I’m STILL absolutely losing it, WHAT A SENTENCE.

Gods, Lord Asriel explains everything about me and my tastes in character kdfljdkgjldjgfljglfdgjfg DAMN IT.

jesus, every ten lines i need to take a break and calm down

The Butler looked uncomfortable. Guests entered the Retiring Room at the Master’s invitation only, and Lord Asriel knew that;

THIS FUCKER WHO JUST LIKES TO DO WHAT HE WANTS AND MAKE PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE ABOUT IT

Lyra’s uncle moved across to the fire and stretched his arms high above his head, yawning like a lion. He was wearing travelling clothes. Lyra was reminded, as she always was when she saw him again, of how much he frightened her.

that lion simile is totes uncalled for

(Stelmaria:) “You should rest.”

He stretched out in one of the armchairs, so that Lyra could no longer see his face.

“Yes, yes. I should also change my clothes. There’s probably some ancient etiquette that allows them to fine me a dozen bottles for coming in here dressed improperly. I should sleep for three days. The fact remains that —”

He’s snarky and funny and he makes you want to bundle him up under five blankets and he’s still intimidating I hate him so much

“There are only three dozen bottles left of the ‘98.”

“All good things pass away.”

HE SAYS THIS SHIT ABOUT A FUCKING BOTTLE OF WINE (and still intends to drink it)

Then Lord Asriel stood up and turned away from the fire. She saw him fully, and marvelled at the contrast he made with the plump Butler, the stooped and languid Scholars. Lord Asriel was a tall man with powerful shoulders, a fierce dark face, and eyes that seemed to flash and glitter with savage laughter. It was a face to be dominated by, or to fight: never a face to patronize or pity. All his movements were large and perfectly balanced, like those of a wild animal, and when he appeared in a room like this, he seemed a wild animal held in a cage too small for it.

*burrows face in book*

*slowly rolls over and crawls on floor to a cliff from which to throw self off*

Too much. Way too much. What the fuck.

(also please note there has been absolutely zero physical description such as hair or eye color, and yet this is the most eloquent and striking description of any character so far)

He seized her wrist and twisted hard.

“Lyra! What the hell are you doing?”

“Let go of me and I’ll tell you!”

“I’ll break your arm first. How dare you come in here?”

“I’ve just saved your life!”

They were still for a moment, the girl twisted in pain but grimacing to prevent herself from crying out louder, the man bent over her frowning like thunder.

b y e

what the fuck is that last simile oh my god Pullman PLEASE stop making Asriel sound like legit pagan god

There was a knock on the door.

“That’ll be the Porter,” said Lord Asriel. “Back in the wardrobe. If I hear the slightest noise I’ll make you wish you were dead.”

She darted back there at once, and no sooner had she pulled the door shut than Lord Asriel called, “Come in.”

I can’t quite put into words what it is exactly that tickles me so much about the fact that Asriel calls out so fast without giving Lyra any spare time to hide properly, but it does. (He’s a ruthless ass, basically.)

And then I won’t copy that but he basically tells Lyra that he won’t help her but still deliberately makes sure she can see what he’s going to show everyone, he keeps telling her to stay out of this but also decides to show her, knowing full well that she’ll be interested. And of course he enrolls her to be his spy. The amount of misplaced and unexpressed fatherly pride he has to be feeling right now. We get absolutely no hint of it in the text, but. He’s so mad and unkind with her but what he must be FEELING right now, seeing Lyra suddenly wildly jumping out of a wardrobe out of nowhere saving his life like a proper little spying little shit. Like father like daughter lakdklskflanfklsdnf GET OUT ASRIEL AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

As soon as the door closed, Lord Asriel looked across the room directly at the wardrobe, and Lyra felt the force of his glance almost as if it had physical form, as if it were an arrow or a spear. Then he looked away and spoke softly to his dæmon.

ex c u se me. things that are uncalled for, 2: this

She came to sit calmly at his side, alert and elegant and dangerous, her green eyes surveying the room before turning, like his black ones, to the door from the Hall as the handle turned. Lyra couldn’t see the door, but she heard an intake of breath as the first man came in.

“Master,” said Lord Asriel. “Yes, I’m back. Do bring in your guests; I’ve got something very interesting to show you.”

HE’S SO DRAMATIC

WHAT A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN

WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SET-UP HE JUST SAT ThERE WaiTING WIth his COFFEE

STOP HIM

THIS IS An ADuLT MAN AND HE JUST DOES THAT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES

And this was just chapter one.

Chapter 2, just a paragraph later:

“Master,” said Lord Asriel. “I came too late to disturb your dinner, so I made myself at home in here. Hello, Sb-Rector. Glad to see you looking so well. Excuse my rough appearance; I’ve only just landed. Yes, Master, the Tokay’s gone. I think you’re standing in it. The Porter knocked it off the table, but it was my fault. Hello, Chaplain. I read your latest paper with great interest...”

He moved away with the Chaplain, leaving Lyra with a clear view of the Master’s face. [...] Lord Asriel was already dominating the room, and although he was careful to be courteous to the Master in the Master’s own territory, it was clear where the power lay.

how does anyone ever handle Lord Asriel in-universe. Also please note how he blithely and pointedly lies to the face of the man who just tried to murder him. This asshole I just

Then he just goes on being as dramatic as possible and pointedly and dramatically ignoring people and showing off a mutilated human head to a bunch of old men with no warning, presumably also just for the shock factor and shits and giggles again.

(Lyra’s narration also mentions quite a few times that she wishes she could see it and wants to hear more about scalping and i also love this child so much)

Lyra looked again at her uncle, who was watching the Scholars with a glitter of sardonic amusement, and saying nothing.

Asriel: *just stands there saying and doing nothing*

Me: *points at him* fuck you

She woke up with a start when someone shook her shoulder.

“Quiet,” said her uncle. The wardrobe door was open, and he was crouched there against the light. “They’ve all gone, but there are still some servants around. Go to your bedroom now, and take care that you say nothing about this.”

“Did they vote to give you the money?” she said sleepily.

“Yes.”

“What’s Dust?” she said, struggling to stand up after having been cramped for so long.

“Nothing to do with you.”

“It is to do with me,” she said. “If you wanted me to be a spy in the wardrobe you ought to tell me what I’m spying about. Can I see the man’s head?”

Pantalaimon’s whiter ermine-fur bristled: she felt it tickling her neck. Lord Asriel laughed shortly.

“Don’t be disgusting,” he said; [...]

He says this but he laughed. Like father like daughter fuck me I bet he’s just so conflictedly delighted that she grew up this way and they got to have this little spying family bonding.

“[...] Do as you’re told and go to bed.”

“But where are you going?”

“Back to the North. I’m leaving in ten minutes.”

“Can I come?”

He stopped what he was doing, and looked at her as if for the first time. His dæmon turned her great green leopard-eyes on her too, and under the concentrated gaze of both of them, Lyras blushed. But she gazed back fiercely.

“Your place is here,” said her uncle finally.

once again Lyra’s direct and completely spontaneous request for Exciting and Adventurer things, but also urgh, urgh, urgh, that gaze, and how Asriel needs a minute to tell her no. He thought about it. He pictured it. And then he said no but she put that thought in his head and he didn’t say no immediately and uhrgikdfhgjfdhjghfkghkdg.

“[...] Do are you’re told and go to bed, and if you’re a good girl I’ll bring you back a walrus tusk with some Eskimo (sic) carving on it. Don’t argue any more or I shall be angry.”

And his dæmon growled with a deep savage rumble that made Lyra suddenly aware of what it would be like to have teeth meeting in her throat.

Lyra compressed her lips and frowned hard at her uncle. He was pumping the air from the vacuum flask, and took no notice; it was as if he’d already forgotten her.

WHAT A GOOD NICE DAD

and this is the end of that but we get a flashback in chapter 3 of Asriel’s visits:

[...] and he called her to stand in front of him and tell him what she’d learned since his last visit. And she would mutter whatever she could dredge up about geometry or Arabic or history or anbarology, and he would sit back with one ankle resting on the other knee and watch her inscrutably until her words failed.

i was just about to yell “WAIT THE THING ABOUT ASRIEL IS JUST BIG DICK ENERGY” but no it’s not just that, it’s definitely also a lot of gratuitous being a bastard.

and then he leads her on with questions about her dirty nails just to make her lie then reveals he saw her playing on the roof, but then instead of chewing her out about it he’s just 

watching her sardonically.

And then he listens to her talking about what parts of the roofs are or aren’t accessible and encourages her to explore the undergrounds.

“I’m surprised you haven’t found that out.”

(fuck you!)

then he gives her pocket money (in gold) and asks her if she respects the Scholars and Stelmaria laughs when Lyra answers ‘yes’ and Lyra blushes.

relatable.

ok that’s it thanks for coming to my TED about how much i love and hate Lord Asriel his terrible parenting and his fucking incredible ideas of family bonding

[tywriteskpop]

Awakening (SB Sequel Mark Tuan)-Chapter 4

Genre: Fluff, Angst Warnings: Some language and violence

“What gave it away?” Park asked smugly. He circled around Mark, not sparing so much as a glance towards the young prince.

Mark felt a bead of sweat slide down the side of his face. It was cold, the torches doing nothing to warm his frigid body. But his anxiety gave way to fear as he panted softly, trying to hide his true feelings from the enemy before him.

“Asking about a one-time customer?” Mark scoffed. “A year after they were there? You couldn’t have been more obvious.”

Park chuckled as he came back into Mark’s line of sight. “I suppose that was rather obvious. But hey, you figured it out.”

Mark shifted, the chains restraining him rattling above his head from the slight movement. He winced from the ache in his arms but kept a defiant face as he glowered at Park. “This is the part where you tell me what started your evil plot. You know, like all the good villains do before the heroes shut them down.”

“I’d watch your tone if I were you, Your Highness. You’re not exactly in any position to be smart with me.” As if to prove his point, the man placed a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. “I believe I have the upper hand.”

Mark became frustrated, wracking his brain to think of any idea to free his best friend. But his irritation grew as he searched Jackson’s emotionless eyes for a sign of recognition. It was useless, he quickly realized, for all he saw was the pitch blackness in his friend’s blank stare.

“I have to say, Jackson made it quite easy for me to get my hands on him,” Park continued. “He practically delivered himself to me. He came here looking for Jinyoung, and instead found me. Now he’s my puppet, helpless to fight against me, vulnerable from fighting the shadows for so long.”

“Here?” Mark repeated softly. Where was here?

“You haven’t figured that out yet?” Park chuckled.

Mark huffed. “So that’s it? Jackson’s your plan?”

“Not quite.”

A rush of wind caught Mark off guard as a swarm of shadows whirled around him. He instinctively closed his eyes, feeling his hair whip against his forehead. The shrill sound of wind and white noise filled the prince’s ears. In his vulnerable state, he felt his fear grow. He was afraid to open his eyes even after the gust died down, leaving the room in complete silence. After taking in a deep breath, Mark hesitantly opened his eyes.

The sight before him made his heart further drop into his stomach. His eyes moved between the two newcomers, a sense of dread filling him as he realized their eyes were the same as Jackson’s. Emotionless, blank, pitch black voids of nothing.

“Your friends tried so hard to save them,” Park said. He circled around the ravens, a gleam of victory shining in his eyes. “My collection is almost complete.”

Mark didn’t have a good feeling from the way Park spoke. He could no longer mask the fear he was feeling. His stomach was rolling over itself, and he felt like he was going to be sick.

Park smirked, satisfied at finally witnessing the prince’s vulnerability. “Yes, my collection is not quite complete yet. You see, now that you purified your nuisance of a brother, I can no longer collect him as my vessel. He can’t be corrupted like before. Quite unfortunate that my puppet was taken away from me.” He short another sly grin towards Mark. “But there are other pure magic users.”

“Don’t you dare touch her,” Mark growled. He breathed heavily through his nose as his anxiety grew.

“Or what, Your Highness?” Park chuckled, shaking his head. “No, I’m not after your pathetic princess. She holds great power, yes, but she is useless. Her magic is not yet primed at its full potential. I made that mistake with Jinyoung. The princess is nothing more than trash for me to walk on.” Park walked around the ravens to settle in front of Mark, towering over the seething boy. “But you were blessed by a pure born, Your Highness.”

Mark stiffened and craned his neck back, looking up to see the malicious intent in the man’s eyes. The prince had never felt as small as he did in that moment.

After the loud clash behind the door faded, Mark stood in the silent hall motionlessly. He gasped and released the breath he was holding when he heard Jinyoung’s angry cry of anguish. Then he was left in a chilling silence, feeling his heart tearing apart with the guilt he felt at having to leave the only family he had left. He was leaving his brother to rule on his own while he himself travelled to another kingdom to marry a princess he didn’t know.

Mark told himself he had to leave. It’s what his mother wanted, for him to marry the princess. It’s what would keep Jinyoung safe. His eyes burned as he held back tears of frustration. He wanted so bad to tell his little brother the real reason why he was leaving sooner than expected, but he couldn’t. It would only put him in danger.

“It’s for the best, I assure you.”

Mark didn’t look up. He took a breath and closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down. “You’re sure this evil you speak of will follow me?” the prince asked. “Jinyoung will be safe here?”

The queen’s advisor nodded despite Mark not seeing him. “I swear on the queen’s legacy. Prince Jinyoung will be protected. I will watch over him myself in your absence.”

Mark nodded. “You are to send for me should anything happen. Do not hesitate. His safety comes above all else.” The prince walked away, putting up a façade of confidence in which he felt distraught.

He did not see the malicious grin spread across the advisor’s face. “Of course, Your Highness.”

You silently swept up the broken glass on the floor with mechanical movements. A light breeze passed through the broken window and brushed your hair to the side. You were so lost in your thoughts and worries that you barely felt it.

Your brothers were with Jinyoung in the kitchen, discussing a plan to save Mark and the others. You felt useless and opted out of the meeting. Even knowing of your immense power that you supposedly possessed, you could barely use it to its full potential. If you could just have a better understanding of your pure magic, maybe you could do something. Maybe you could save your beloved and your brother.

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a loud clatter from the kitchen. The sound of something scraping against the floor was followed by the sound of struggling. You heard the youngest of your brothers shout, and that was enough for you to drop the broom and run towards the noise.

Upon entering the kitchen, you froze in the doorway, taking a moment to observe the commotion you walked in on. A dining chair had been knocked over, laying on its back, and the dining table in the corner of the room was pushed away from its normal placement, light skid marks staining the floor. BamBam had Jinyoung by the collar of his shirt, gripping tightly at the cloth between his fingers. Jinyoung grunted as your brother shoved him against the wall. BamBam’s eyes shone with pure rage, and Youngjae’s attempts to make him release Jinyoung proved to be useless.

“Say that again, you bastard,” BamBam growled.

“What is going on here?” you demanded.

Youngjae turned to find you walking toward them, your eyes wide and almost angry. He spared you a helpless look before trying to pry BamBam’s hands off Jinyoung once more.

“Our loved ones are in the hands of the enemy,” you reminded them. “And you sit here and fight amongst yourselves!”

“He said we should be ready to fight Jackson,” BamBam seethed. He didn’t take his furious gaze off your former enemy.

Jinyoung remained calm, albeit wincing slightly as your brother’s grip tightened. “You must be prepared should he have fallen under Park’s shadows,” he said. “I only meant for you to mentally brace yourself for the inevitable.”

BamBam slammed Jinyoung against the wall again. “You son of a-”

“BamBam, stop!” you shouted. Your brother paused before letting go of his captive and turning to you. He wasn’t used to you yelling at him like that. “Maybe he’s right,” you said, your voice trembling.

“Y/N, what the hell are you saying?” he asked, shocked at your pessimism. “Are you seriously agreeing to fight Jackson? Our brother?”

“Of course not!” you shot back. “But you cannot deny the possibility that Park has taken over his mind. Just look at what he’s done to Mark and Jinyoung.”

“She’s right,” Youngjae said. He clapped a hand onto BamBam’s shoulder and gripped it firmly, holding him in place to make sure the younger boy wouldn’t explode again. “All it took was for Jinyoung to show some kind of weakness, and Park took a hold of him for years. Jackson’s been fighting the shadows all this time. His mind isn’t as strong as it was before. He’s just as vulnerable to Park as the rest of us.”

Jinyoung brushed his shirt and rubbed his collar down. “Park takes pleasure in watching his pawns fight their loved ones. Because of him I killed my brother, more times than I’d like to remember. He won’t hesitate to use Jackson against the rest of you.”

BamBam closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose before exhaling through his mouth in a loud sigh. He turned back to Jinyoung, looking much calmer than before. “I’d rather not burn my brother to a crisp. So how do we get him back to us?”

Jinyoung sent you a wary look before returning his attention to BamBam. “Pure magic.”

The rest of you were silent, taking in what he was implying.

“You mean…” You trailed off, unsure how to put your thoughts into words.

“No way,” BamBam said. “We are not sending Y/N out into a battle like that.”

You looked at him in surprise. “You’re not leaving me here to wonder if I’ll ever see any of you alive again. I’m going to fight with you.”

“Y/N, are you sure you can do this though?” Youngjae asked you carefully. “We’ve been fighting for years. We have experience and training with our magic. This could be more dangerous than you can handle.”

“To hell with it!” BamBam said. “Y/N, I can’t let you go out there.”

As he came to stand in front you, his eyes desperately pleading with you, you sighed. “BamBam, I have to do something. Don’t make me sit here waiting and feeling useless.”

You hoped BamBam would see it from your perspective, but you no longer had the words to convince him. He would have to trust you with what was said, or you would rebel against his desires regardless.

Jinyoung cleared his throat and stepped forward. “I can teach her,” he offered, grabbing the attention of the rest of you. “It won’t be enough time to teach her effectively. But I can at least show her how to use her magic and survive a battle.” He gave an awkward, wry smile. “Perhaps then you’ll have some peace of mind about her fighting the shadows.”

Youngjae patted BamBam’s shoulder in reassurance. “She’ll stay by one of us at all times. We’ll help protect each other. She can do this.”

BamBam ran a hand through his hair as his frazzled mind tried to make sense of the situation. He couldn’t deny that his sister was fierce, and he had no doubt you could hold your own on the battlefield. But he was afraid of losing you again, especially after losing his brother and friend already. He couldn’t bring himself to admit his fear, but he nodded his agreement to the plan after realizing there would be no stopping you. He would just have to keep a close eye on you.

“Fine,” he finally said, making you sigh with relief. “What do we do?”

“We need to figure out where Park is keeping them,” Jinyoung said. “If we bring the fight to him, it could catch him off guard.”

“Wouldn’t we just be rushing into his territory?” Youngjae countered. “Doesn’t really sound like a reassuring plan of victory.”

“Yes, but if we can-” Jinyoung suddenly gasped, a sharp pain rushing through his head. He reached out to grab onto something to catch his fall, but he collapsed to his knees, heaving as the pain in his skull became unbearable.

“What the hell?!” BamBam stepped back.

You dropped to your knees in front of the pained boy and held onto his shoulders, trying to give him some kind of comfort. “What’s wrong with him?” you asked hastily. Your gaze shot up to Youngjae. “Do something!”

Youngjae came back to his senses and hurried to kneel beside you. His hand glowed blue as he placed it over Jinyoung’s forehead. “He’s burning up,” your brother said, focusing on his magic’s healing properties.

Before any of you could get another word out, Jinyoung fell limp. You realized he was unconscious, his face contorted in pain. Sweat covered his forehead and the back of his neck. Whatever caused his sudden pain was no coincidence, you knew this.

Mark groaned as he took another punch to his stomach. He held onto the chains restraining him with an iron grip, trying to bear the pain the wracked his body. He lost track of how much time had passed since his torture began. It’s been hours, that he was sure of. He wondered how he had not lost consciousness yet as the ravens were commanded to beat him until he relented. The moment he gave up and showed his weakness, he knew Park would overpower him like he did Jinyoung.

“I’m impressed by your resolve, Your Highness,” Park mused. He leisurely paced around the small dungeon as the prince wretched out a string of coughs, small drops of blood splattering on the floor below him. “Your strength to defy me outmatches your insolent brother’s. I must applaud you.”

Panting heavily, Mark raised his head weakly to glare up at Park. “Well isn’t that a shame,” he choked out, his voice rough and scratchy from the several times he ended up dry heaving from each blow to his abdomen.

“Cocky, as always,” Park muttered. “You know, your father was a pain to deal with as well.”

Mark remained silent. He knew nothing about his father. Jinyoung never mentioned him, and he never saw his father in his dreams or memories.

Park smirked at the boy’s silence. “Ah, you must not remember him. I understand. His life ended when you were but a small child. Why, I believe Jinyoung was still in the womb when your pathetic father lost his life.”

Mark balled his fist around the chain holding him up, feeling his nails dig into the palm of his hand. He shut his eyes tightly and tried to drown out Park’s voice. He couldn’t believe anything Park said at this point. He didn’t want to believe.

The boy felt someone grab his hair by the roots and pull his head back, making him cry out at the pain. Gritting his teeth, he opened his eyes and saw Jaebum standing above him with an expressionless face. Jaebum forced Mark to look at Park.

“It’s story time, Your Highness,” Park said. “I suggest you pay attention. Anyway, as I was saying…Yes, your dear father King Philip. The whole kingdom wept at the news of his sudden passing. It was quite easy to lure him away from the castle. A false cry for help from a neighboring kingdom, and he jumped at the chance to aid. He wasn’t expecting a shadow person to pierce him through and destroy his convoy.”

Mark breathed heavily through his nose. “You killed him.”

“Of course I did,” Park gloated, holding his arms out proudly. “And the best part? His advisor had made the journey with him. It was simple! Take the identity of the advisor and return to the kingdom as the sole survivor. Deliver the news of the king’s death to the queen and be at her side as she rules. Over time, poor Queen Briar became ill.”

“You poisoned her,” Mark realized, trying to pull away from Jaebum. But the raven held on without moving a muscle. Mark wasn’t sure if Jaebum was just that strong, or if he was just that weak.

“Indeed I did,” Park said, nodding victoriously. “Your mother was a real thorn in my sister’s side. Several years before you were even conceived, my sister sought revenge on your ancestors and used your mother to accomplish it. Tell me, Prince Mark, have you ever heard the story of Sleeping Beauty?”

Mark furrowed his brows, confusion passing over him. “A fairy tale,” he said.

Park smirked. “All fairy tales come from somewhere, Your Highness.”

Jaebum let go of Mark and the prince fell forward, his arms straining over him as the chains caught him to stop his fall. As he grunted through the aches in his shoulders, he slowly began to comprehend what Park said. And as Park saw the realization cross over Mark’s face, he clapped slowly.

“Congratulations, Your Highness. You’ve figured it out! Your mother, Queen Briar Rose, the maiden who fell under the sleeping curse. Quite ironic, isn’t it? That your dear Princess Y/N shared the same fate. Only she slept for hundreds of years, trapped in a crystal.”

“My mother?” Mark repeated. “Then…Your sister-”

“My sister was a fool,” Park sneered. “She let her jealousy cloud her judgment and turned the kingdom against us. I was guilty by association, you see, and I despised her for being of my blood. But nonetheless, she was my kin, so the moment I discovered your blasphemous father killed her, I knew I had to take a page out of her book and take my revenge.

“I killed Philip, poisoned the queen until she took her final breath. All that was left were the children. You were useless to me, but your brother held a great power that I wanted for myself. I knew I had to separate you two to get my hands on him. So I played my role as the queen’s advisor and convinced you that your departure from the kingdom needed to happen quickly. All it took was threatening Jinyoung’s life.”

“You bastard,” Mark coughed out.

Park ignored Mark and continued. “It was a simple plan. Feed Jinyoung’s negativity with shadows until he fell under their influence. But I was a fool. I had not accounted for the possibility that his pure magic would lock itself away to defend against the shadows. And because he still possessed that pure magic within his body as a pure born, he did not fall completely under my control. My puppet had his own agenda, influenced by the dark power that the shadows gave him. So I set my sights on the princess. And well, you know how that turned out.”

Mark’s head drooped. He felt sick. He was tired. Learning of his parents’ past and their untimely deaths at the hands of a crazed man seeking revenge had drained any energy he had left. He wasn’t sure if he could hold out much longer.

“Well, Your Highness, while I enjoyed reliving all the good times with you, I must go to take care of a few things.” Park waved his hand and the ravens closed in around Mark. “Try not to hold out much longer. We need you to lead the army.”

As Park left the room, the boy lurched forward after Yugyeom kicked his back. The ravens continued with their torture, heeding to Park’s commands. Mark knew he wouldn’t last. He had to get a message to Jinyoung. He had to warn them.

He closed his eyes and concentrated on his brother. He would send him the warning the same way Jinyoung did. And as he took blow after blow, his frail body bruised and beaten, he released a choked sob.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Jinyoung stood alone, turning in every direction to observe the wasteland around him. He faintly recognized this place, his former home. The castle in the distance was the place he lived in, where he grew up with his brother and mother. It was crumbling in the same fashion as Y/N’s, except its walls still stood strong. The torchlight in the windows indicated someone still resided here.

The doors to the castle creaked open, years of rust making them open slowly. As they opened wide and halted, Jinyoung was met with silence. The boy swallowed thickly as his nervousness grew. He didn’t know what would emerge from behind the doors, but he knew it would not be pleasant.

He suddenly heard a soft whistling, mixed with white noise and faint shrieks of wind. It got louder as the seconds ticked by, and the boy braced himself. And when the source of the shrill sounds finally emerged from within the castle, Jinyoung realized that he was witnessing what could only be described as a nightmare.

Hundreds of shadows fell out of the castle doorway, circling around him and rolling over each other. The sheer amount of them filled the empty land around him. It was an army, and Jinyoung felt pure fear run through his veins. He looked up and saw the outline of a city. The massive army of shadows was congregating in the direction of the tall buildings and busy streets.

Jinyoung suddenly knew he was dreaming. This was a warning.

Jinyoung gasped as he awoke with a start. His eyes shot open as he panted, and he realized he was still inside Mark’s shared apartment. The boy gulped and closed his eyes again, trying to calm himself down after what he had seen.

“Are you alright?”

He opened his eyes again and saw you sitting on a chair next to the couch he laid on. He nodded shortly and rubbed his face.

“What the hell happened, man?” BamBam asked. He stood nearby with Youngjae.

“You’ve been out cold since last night,” Youngjae added.

Jinyoung sat up and looked at the clock, realizing several hours had passed. “I was forced unconscious,” he said.

“By who?” you asked. “How is that possible?”

“Mark,” Jinyoung answered. “He manipulated my dream the same way I did you. It was a warning.”

Youngjae leaned forward. “A warning of what? Is he okay?”

Jinyoung shook his head. “Our time is shorter than we expected. Park is creating an army of shadows. He’ll send them here, to the city.”

“That son of a bitch is crazy enough to attack innocent humans?” BamBam asked. “They’re no threat to him!”

“Park only wants power,” Jinyoung told him. “By attacking those people he thinks we’ll give up. He’ll have power over all of us once that happens.”

“We can’t let him do this,” you said. “Those people have no magic. They’re defenseless!”

“We’ll have to rely on our instincts,” Youngjae said. “Y/N, you especially. We don’t have time for Jinyoung to teach you like we wanted. If Mark sent that warning, that means it’s happening soon.”

“And we still have no idea if they’re okay,” BamBam said. He groaned in frustration. “Did he at least tell you where they are?”

“The castle Mark and I grew up in.” Jinyoung stood up and wiped the sweat from the back of his neck. “But Y/N and I are the only ones who stand a chance against these things.”

“He’s right. The shadows don’t fall to normal magic users like us,” Youngjae said.

“No, but we can at least hold them off from civilization,” BamBam countered. “We can dance around with the shadows while you find Park and use that pretty little knife you got. It’s the only way to kill him, right?”

You nodded. “If we defeat him, the army will vanish.”

“And then we’ll have a chance to save our friends,” BamBam concluded.

Jinyoung shared a look with Youngjae and nodded. “We’re too short on time to try to think of anything else. We have our plan.”

You took a breath and mentally prepared yourself. “Then let us go to war.”

[that-quiet-girl-who-writes]

Obstacles (SB.)

A/N: I feel really bad about how long this took for me to write! I got this request on July 31st 😳  (Gif’s not mine)

Request: @huflerin: Hello again, I’m really deeply sorry to ask this of you, (once more), but can you do a *sigh* Sirius black x reader to the song obstacles by Syd Matters

Based off: Obstacles by Syd Matters-Someday we will Foresee Obstacles

Pairing: Young!Sirius Black x reader

Word Count: 1959

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, yelling, dysfunctional families 

Masterlist

Let’s say sunshine for everyone

But as far as I can remember

We’ve been migratory animals

Living under changing weather

It was clear to me that Sirius Black was the best thing to ever happen to me. As a pure blooded witch, we had spent years going to prestigious parties and spending as much time together and away from our families as possible. That was how we met at age five, so I guess we did have one thing to thank our parents for. We were the crazy kids, the problem child in each of our preppy little families. As I look back on it, that was probably the reason we got along so well.

By our fifth year at Hogwarts, we were happier than ever, living by the rules of the school, not those of the purebloods (I mean, we were supposed to live by those rules… we may have broken a few). Through all the time that we spent together, we began to fall in love and by earlier sixth year, we wanted nothing but each other and our friends, who were the complete opposite of the life we had come from. We were carefree and never wanted to go back.

Someday we will foresee obstacles

Through the blizzard, through the blizzard

Today we will sell our uniform

Live together, live together

It was the middle of summer, just before seventh year, Sirius sent me an owl that told me where he was. I was confused at first. Why would he be staying at the Potter’s house? James was one of our best friends and I was sure that he would be thrilled to have Sirius stay with him for the remaining month of summer, but it didn’t make any sense. The letter invited me to come and see the two of them in a couple of days, but still left no reason or answer to the question that seemed so obvious. I, having no patience, put the question in my next letter to him. A day or so later, I received, again, no straight answer, but rather one small sentence saying that he would explain it all in person. I felt a little angry and quite frustrated. What secret could my boyfriend need to be keeping from me? What could be so fucking bad that he didn’t want me to know? I got my answer that night at dinner.

Sitting prim and proper at the long dining table that I had come to despise as it was the setting of many arguments, my parents began to discuss everything that was happening in their pure blooded wizarding society.

“I was out this morning, in Diagon Alley and I ran into Walburga Black.” My mother told my father. I said nothing. I wasn’t supposed to. My younger siblings and I had learned not to pipe in unless we had news. In other words, we could join the gossip or eat in silence.  

“Really? How is she?” My father asked, as if he actually cared. I knew he was just waiting to hear what terrible things had happened in others lives so that he could feel so much better about ours. This was often the reason why I wasn’t treated very well, being “the only possible thing that could wreck our reputation” and “a disgrace to my upbringing”.

“Well, Walburga herself is fine, but the rest of the family is a little shaken up.”

“Why is that?”

“Their eldest son has run away.” I dropped my fork on the table, making an awful clattering noise. I was shot a couple of dirty looks and one horrifie one from my younger sister, who was clearly afraid of the yelling she was going to have sit through. There was no yelling though, they simply continued the conversation.

“Where has he gone?”

“He’s staying with Fleamont Potter and his family right now. I knew those blood traitors were exactly the type to betray another pureblood family. Walburga says she couldn’t be more pleased to have gotten rid of him, just one less thing for her to worry about. It’s Sirius I think, yes Sirius, he’s the eldest. About a week ago, she was telling him off for acting foolish around guests when he began screaming at her and suddenly walked out of the house, saying the rudest things you could imagine.”

“She’s lying.” I spoke up, holding my fork with a steel grip.

“Excuse me?” My father asked.

“Sirius wouldn’t have run off without telling me.” I claimed.

“Oh, that’s right. You two were companions of sorts.”

I stayed silent for a minute, but the way I was staring at my father was definitely considered rude and I could see it in his eyes. He was practically daring me to say something. He gave a satisfied “hmph” when I didn’t.

“Well, you most likely won’t be seeing him again. A good thing really, he was a terrible influence on you. I hope she burns his name off the family tree, doesn’t deserve to be recognized as part of that family.”

“Shut up!” I screamed, finally releasing my grip on the fork and slamming it on the table. “You’re right. He doesn’t deserve to be part of that family, he’s better than them, he deserves more.”

I heard my sister let out a quiet squeak of fear when my father stood up. I immediately felt bad, she didn’t deserve to sit through this, she was too young and innocent to have to listen to all this yelling and the arguing. I couldn’t help it though, I loved Sirius and I was going to defend him.

“Young lady, you will never speak to me in that manner ever again, do you understand? Now leave this room at once, I’ll deal with you after dinner.”

I stood up and smoothed out my dinner dress, slowly exiting the room with a blank look on my face. Once I was out the door, I sped up, running into the living room and heading straight for the fireplace. Like hell I was going to wait here for my father to come yell at me.

We played hide and seek in waterfalls

We were younger, we were younger

We played hide and seek in waterfalls

We were younger, we were younger

Once I had stepped out of the fireplace at the Potter’s house, I realized that I didn’t even really know what I was doing. I heard somebody coming down the hall, probably to see what the commotion in living room was about. A woman who I recognized from a couple of parties a few years back came into the room and looked quite confused to see me.

“Mrs. Potter, I’m so sorry to barge in like this. I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Oh! Yes of course, the oldest Y/L/N child!” She said and a bright smile took over her face. I immediately felt more welcome here than I ever had in own home.

“I need to see Sirius. Is he here?”

“Yes, of course dear. Come with me.” She lead me up a staircase and down a hallway.

“My boys talk quite fondly of you.” She told me while we walked.

“Your boys? I thought James was an only child.”

“Well, Sirius is as good as part of the family now.”

“Oh. Of course.”

“He really does love you. Claims he doesn’t need anybody in his life but you and James. Of course he says that, but he changes his mind as soon as he sees Remus and Peter, then he says he only needs you four. Than he’ll talk to me and say that he really only needs the boys, you, me and my husband. He likes to put up this facade, but deep down he really does need people, just like everyone else.” She continued to talk until she stopped in front of a door and knocked.

“James! Sirius! You have a visitor.”

The door creaked open to reveal the two boys sitting on James’ bed playing a game of exploding snap. Euphoria left me standing in the doorway while the two boys stared at me. I couldn’t tell what they were feeling. James looked confused. Sirius looked almost scared, but then glimmers of hope seemed to appear after a couple of seconds.

“Hi.” I said quietly. Sirius stood up, walked over to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me fiercely. I kissed him back right away, happier than I ever had been this summer.

“Stop snogging and get to it. Why are you here Y/N?”

“Merlin, James, I would’ve thought you’d be happier to see me.” I said, pulling away from Sirius, but not looking away from him. Whenever I saw him for the first time in a while, all those memories of running around, playing stupid games and hiding from our parents at every party, dinner and event we were forced to go to, came back. They flooded my head every time. The image of him sitting across from me underneath a table and daring him to pop out from underneath and steal the food that was above us. The memory of the eldest Black boy getting yelled at for putting bows in his hair and the eldest Y/L/N girl getting yelled at for losing hers, had to be my favourite.

We played hide and seek in waterfalls

We were younger, we were younger

We played hide and seek in waterfalls

We were younger, we were younger

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask.

“I’m not really sure… I guess I just… was ashamed.”

“Sirius, why on earth would you be ashamed of this?”

“I ran away Y/N. Instead of fighting back, I did the most cowardly thing I could and I ran.”

“That’s not cowardly. That’s what you needed to do. Sirius, you should’ve told me. I know what you’re going through, I’m living the same life as you.”

“Exactly, and you haven’t run yet. You’re so strong, you can deal with them. I can’t.” He said, leaning his forehead against mine.

“No, it’s not like that and you know it. They were hurting you, you did the right thing by leaving.” I said, leaning up and kissing him again.

“How did you find out?” He asked.

“My mother ran into your mother in Diagon alley the other day.”

“Oh.”

“She said awful things about you. I only left the house a few minutes ago, during dinner, so I guess they don’t know I’m gone yet, but I had to get out of there.”

“During dinner? How did they not notice?”

“They asked me to leave the room and when I did, I went straight for the floo powder.”

“You got kicked out of dinner? What the hell did you do?” He laughed.

“…I may have yelled at them a little bit.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows as if to ask why.

“They were saying awful things about you, I couldn’t just sit there.”

He smiled at me, but stayed silent. I felt exhilarated in this moment. I was finally getting old enough to see that I didn’t have to do and believe whatever I was told and I knew I was staring at somebody who was proud of me for it.

“You wanna know something?” I asked.

“What?”

“Our families are just something standing in the way of us. We’re gonna get better at this, okay? We’re gonna figure out what we’re doing and we’re gonna get away from them and everything else that stands in our way.”

“You wanna know something?”

“What?” I smiled.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Someday we will foresee obstacles

Through the blizzard, through the blizzard

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Taglist (all stories): @purelittleblueberry

Taglist (Harry Potter Fandom): @potterhead236

[flslp87]

Season 7 Spec and Thoughts based on previous patterns. Updated 9/22

After SDCC and rewatching the series this season here’s a few things that I’ve thought of.... (and if you don’t care about the patterns, skip to below cut)

1) Once is the journey of 3 villains, Emma and Henry and the people that affect their journeys.   2) The way the villain’s redemptions are written are similar a) Killian turned dark for love and Emma was his catalyst.  b) Regina turned dark for envy and Henry was her catalyst.  c)Rumple turned dark for power and Gideon was his catalyst. 3) All of the curses had two individuals involved, except the final one.  One person’s intentions were to hurt and the second person to help.  Season 1 curse - Regina to hurt, Rumple added savior twist.  Season 3 curse - Pan cast to hurt, Regina to save.  Season 3 curse - Snow cast to save, Zelena to hurt.  Season 5 curse - Nimue/DH cast to hurt, Emma to save. Season 6 - BF cast to hurt (was there a save added? perhaps) 4) When Rumple tries to do things alone bad things happen.  Pan came back, Zelena came back... and in the finale, he dispatched of the worst evil around alone. 5) To me, the overarching theme is that to save your family/town you work as a team but ultimately it is up to you to save yourself.  S5a, Emma saved herself, S5b, Kilian did, S6- Regina and Rumple, started so S7 needs to be Rumple and Henry. 6) The S4 finale AU persona, at their best, were where the characters really see themselves.   7) Throughout the entire series, consistently they say magic comes with a price and that love, hope and belief are the most important things. 8) Season 6 yelled at us that season 7 was going to be the future and told through the eyes of the next generations POV.  

THINGS WE’VE HEARD ABOUT SEASON 7

1) It’s a requel - this fits perfectly because it’s a sequel for Regina, Rumple, Hook, but a start of Adult  Henry’s story.  2) Time is wonky because Henry aged but no one else did and Lucy is 10 3) It’s the ones who weren’t cursed in S1 plus characters from different versions of some stories they’ve already told. 4) We won't’ see other versions of the Old Guard 5) They continue with the same narrative. 6) In the round table interview that Adam/Eddy did they said a couple of things that stuck out a) that the cursed would be among the uncursed in the real world, b) that ‘she’ learned something from the first curse and separated the fairytale characters, c) that the show won’t be all about magic and d) that we wouldn’t know who cast the curse like we did in S1.   7) Also just my thinking is that season 7 and Henry’s journey is a metaphor for a teen growing up and leaving home and exploring the world.   8) The story is Henry’s love story and the journey of his adventure with Hook, Regina, and Gold.  And the words to promote are “To Save the World’. 9) In the finale, we saw Tiger Lilly with Lucy - the book that Lucy had there was the brown leather one. The book on the train is a hand drawn one like the one Henry made for Emma.  Significant?   10) We see a new savior this season.  Is it Lucy who is sent from the future to save her family?  Is it Tiger Lilly who sends Lucy to help OR Is it Rumple who steps up to the plate and realizes love is power?  (I do not believe it is Henry)

So I think that........

We see Henry leaving home in the opening of S 7, - based on what Lana has said it’s 5 years later. (I think it’s because the BF has already started creating turmoil in the eF)

Because of his realm hopping, he aged differently - similar to how the BF never aged in the Dark Realm yet the kids seemed to, at least Gideon aged to 28 after starting as a baby.  

He gets involved with a Cinderella from another realm and the wicked step mom wants to keep them apart.  In the stories, she does not have magic and so either she met up with the person who cast the curse OR they changed the rules, but I don’t buy they completely tossed what they did for 6 years.

He requests help from his family and Hook, Rumple and Regina go to help him, but the curse sweeps them up before they can help.   BUT not only does the curse sweep up Henry, Hook, Rumple and Regina, it also sweeps up all of SB, spreading all of the fairy tale characters into different places, possibly both in the real world, other realms, stories, etc.  (based on the CS pictures, I think CS go but she goes back to SB and sends Regina and possibly Rumple to the EF)

The reason the 3 villains were left with Henry is because villains never work together plus w/o Emma and Belle to keep Killian and Rumple on their good path, it is going to be easier to ‘turn’ them.  

Tiger Lilly sends Lucy from the future back to save her family and she works to get them all to believe.  Once they believe then the last half of the season is the journey to different places to ‘save’ their families/friends.  That way they can bring back old characters yet not have to worry about them being there at the same time.  

As for the villain.  I’m saying that it is Fiona.   Rumple dispatched her far too easily and on his own and that is going to come back and bite him on his behind. They will have to fight together BUT using the same motto as previous where ‘you do what you have to do to protect those you love’ would allow them to not necessarily make the best choice - which fits Colin saying it’s not all good or bad, you might see both.  

It also fits them not pulling a brand new story into the show just in case they don’t get renewed.  

Serves as a jumping off point IF by some chance they do get renewed.  

And just like in the S4 AU Emma will be ‘trapped’ unable to help them - she will be under a sleeping curse, possibly putting herself to under assuming her family would save her - and we finally get a CS TLK. - I know not holding my breath but please.  So I’m thinking possibly she’s going to be a swan - as I feel that Hook/Tiana’s stories are going to parallel.  So Emma will be ‘with’ Hook but not in the same form. 

Updated  -Lana said she was getting a LI and described Richard the Lionhearted very well.  I”m thinking we’ll see another book’s version of Robin Hood but Robin Hood is actually King Richard in disguise.  Now I need Sean back.

It’s a chess game and Killian (Rook) switches places with the King (Emma) then he, Regina (Queen), Rumple (Bishop) get swept up in the curse.  The King (Emma) is also removed from the game by the villain and I believe she is either under a sleeping curse or is a swan -  2 of the 3 (Rook, Bishop, Queen) will defeat the villain and then they will rescue the King.  

[junker-town]

Chair shots to the head in wrestling are an unnecessary risk with permanent consequences

Tyson Whiting

AEW’s mission is to support its wrestlers. Allowing unprotected chair shots flies in the face of that.

Everyone knew something had gone wrong the moment Cody Rhodes crumpled to the mat. Even more so when they saw the blood.

The 34-year-old All Elite Wrestling (AEW) star was exhausted, having just battled underdog Darby Allin to a time-limit draw during AEW’s Fyter Fest when fellow wrestler Shawn Spears suddenly climbed in the ring, metal chair in hand.

Rhodes had less than a second to react as Spears swung for the fences. The steel made a sickening thud against his skull, busting open the back of his head and knocking him to the mat. Though he managed to walk away without a concussion, the injury left him with 12 staples in his head and served as a sobering reminder of why chair shots, planned or not, are an unnecessary risk in a sport where head injuries are all too common.

AEW has been disrupting professional wrestling since its inception by mixing old-school concepts with new-school sensibilities, but Rhodes’ injury and the questions surrounding it went beyond anything the company had planned for. Owner Tony Khan acted quickly following the Fyter Fest chair shot to address safety concerns, addressing it internally before speaking to the press. “You could build the safest airplane in the world, and if there’s pilot error, there’s pilot error,” Khan said in a press conference. “That was not good.”

Khan didn’t expand on whether the promotion would continue allowing chair shots or other dangerous maneuvers, but a source with firsthand knowledge of the situation tells SB Nation that AEW will not use unprotected chair shots moving forward.

“I understand there were discussions about trying to do it safely without causing brain trauma, but I think the lesson from this is that there’s always a chance for human error,” says Chris Nowinski, a former WWE wrestler and co-founder of the Concussion Legacy Foundation. “You have to look at the risk-reward for a chair shot to the head.”

Nowinski retired from wrestling in 2003 with post-concussion syndrome, which eventually led him to develop the foundation with neurosurgeon Dr. Robert Cantu. Nowinski advises athletes on the risks of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) and holds seminars for current WWE superstars on the importance of being safe in the ring.

“My life is now focused on protecting brains and trying to fix ones that have already been damaged,” Nowinski says.

He can’t point to a specific moment that ended his wrestling career but remembers when he decided enough was enough after a series of undiagnosed concussions took a significant toll on his body and mind. One night, while still asleep, Nowinski stood on his bed and jumped off, crashing through a nightstand. He later learned it was a sign of REM behavior disorder, which typically comes with traumatic brain injury.

“That’s what it took to scare me straight and actually be honest about how I felt,” he says. “All this work with Concussion Legacy Foundation started because I wish I’d had known that I should have rested my concussion each time I got one. And I’d probably still be working.”

Rooted in the rise of Texas death match wrestling in the 1950s, chair shots were popular in matches that also utilized tables, barbed wire and trash cans as weapons. Matches typically took place in high school gymnasiums or makeshift arenas, venues that made it believable for a wrestler to take a chair from a fan and using it as a weapon.

Wrestlers continued to use chairs in the ring for decades, almost exclusively as foreign objects or to batter an opponent by striking them across the flat of the back. It wasn’t until the late 1990s that chair shots changed with the rise of Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) and WWE’s “Attitude Era,” which sought to pull the sport from its spandex-clad cast of cartoon characters and make it more visceral. This increased the risk, danger and violence of the product in a battle of one-upmanship to win over an audience with unquenchable blood lust. The chair shot was swept up in this movement, re-imagined as blows to the head — often unprotected.

This was the status quo until 2007 when WWE superstar Chris Benoit murdered his family before killing himself in their Atlanta home. People searched for explanations in the wake of the tragedy, as Benoit’s close friends insisted the heinous crime seemed out of character. A postmortem study showed that the 40-year-old had the brain of an 85-year-old Alzheimer’s patient. To this day, Benoit’s father claims his actions were the result of brain injuries his son sustained while wrestling. One of the most-used clips of Benoit adopted by the 24-hour news cycle as his story unfolded was of him being hit in the head with a chair.

This was around the same time the sporting world was learning about CTE. Studied since the 1920s, it wasn’t until 2005 when Dr. Bennet Omalu published his landmark study, “Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy in a National Football League Player,” that people started paying closer attention to the damaging long-term effects of head injuries in sports. In the wake of Benoit’s death, WWE mandated that its talent would never take an unprotected chair shot again, meaning wrestlers on the receiving end would have to cushion the blow with their hands. This was expanded in 2010 to exclude all chair shots to the head, period, at a time when the NFL was under scrutiny over concussion protocol. It was part of a company-wide shift to “talent wellness” — a paradigm shift for the sport, but one that was widely embraced by fans.

But the mixed social media reaction following the Fyter Fest chair shot suggests not all fans want wrestling to evolve. Many seemed to relish a return to the hardcore violence which has been absent from mainstream wrestling for years while others insisted the past should be left in the past.

“It’s simple. If you want to see that kind of violence, then watch boxing or MMA,” Nowinski says. “If you want to see some of the best performers on the planet live for decades then you should support them performing safely. You should respect them enough to let them perform safely.”

Part of the negative reaction towards AEW allowing chair shots stems from how it contrasts with the company’s implied mission. One of the biggest differentiators between AEW and WWE is how wrestlers are treated. For decades, WWE owner Vince McMahon has had his wrestlers operate as independent contractors. The problem with that is being responsible for their own healthcare has incentivized performers to hide injuries or ignore warning signs for fear of having their contract terminated. Former WWE superstar CM Punk explained in 2014 how he felt he would be “punished” by the company if he took time off to recover from a concussion.

AEW, on the other hand, said from the start that wrestlers would be full-time employees with benefits. It was an unheard-of approach in an industry that too often leaves talent in the cold when their spotlight dims. That’s what made the Fyter Fest chair shot feel so out of place. It’s impossible to reconcile the concept that performers should have secure futures while putting them at higher risk for permanent brain damage through the demands of the job.

Chair shots aren’t the only source of concussions in wrestling — far from it — but they are the most easily altered move in the industry that can be phased out with relative ease. With AEW pushing the envelope on violence, there’s pressure for WWE to raise the stakes in response. However, the company maintains its position outlawing “deliberate and direct shots to the head.” On top of that, WWE began mandatory ImPACT concussion testing in 2008, subjecting performers to yearly baseline testing of brain function, memory, processing speed and reaction time. Referees are trained to identify injuries that occur during a match (including concussions) and are given the power to stop a match to ensure no further injury occurs.

The issue of unprotected chair shots and the risk of CTE in wrestling isn’t just a WWE or AEW problem — it’s an industry problem. Away from the grand storylines and athletic feats lies a grassroots concern as wrestlers young and old across America are risking their lives to be noticed or remain famous. When a crowd is invested in a performer, they can build the kind of cult following needed to get booked in larger shows, and eventually, if they’re lucky enough, into a major promotion. The issue is that many young wrestlers see a need to risk their bodies and their futures by taking risks to get noticed.

Nowinski’s advice for young wrestlers turning to dangerous maneuvers for attention is to keep in mind that the fans who like violent wrestling aren’t the majority.

“If your goal is to make it to WWE ... show them you can wrestle the way they expect you to wrestle in WWE,” he says. “The reality is that if you take too many risks there’s a good chance you’ll flame out before you get where you’re trying to go.”

The world of professional wrestling is a fractured series of minor promotions and independent booking scenes feeding into the WWE monolith. As AEW attempts to compete for the same audience, there is an imperative for both organizations to band together and denounce chair shots to the head and other risky maneuvers that can directly be traced to future cases of CTE.

The same night Cody Rhodes took the unprotected chair shot, Jon Moxley and Joey Janela wrestled an unsanctioned hardcore match using barbed wire, thumbtacks, tables and ladders. By the end, both performers were a bloody mess — and yet it was still safer than being hit in the head with a chair. There’s room for violence in wrestling. There’s room to tell a story. There is no longer room for performers to shorten their lives for the sake of applause.

[bardsoverflowers]

[[ I’ve been feeling down about Adra a lot nowadays and I’m not gonna lie about that (seeing as so much has happened in my personal life in the last month, I can’t really blame anyone but myself for feeling this way about her).

I remember when I first made her; she was a Hyur Midlander and an independent young woman. I hadn’t fleshed out a lot of her story at that point, and a year after playing I had finally solidified her story. She was a woman passionate about dance, passionate about being a Bard/Archer and keen on helping anyone and everyone as one of the Warrior’s of Light and bringing good to the world.

A year or two after, I ended up changing her to a Moon Keeper Miqote; mainly due to the fact that were more likeable voice options and aesthetics (I also wanted to have a character with dark skin, not tanned). The only thing I had changed about Adra was the fact that she was now adopted by a family of kind and loving Hyur Midlanders. She very much so held onto her passion for dance, and passion for being an Archer/Bard, but I feel like in the last few months, I’ve lost sight of what I want her to become/what she actually has become.

Adra is a character I’ve worked on A LOT over the years and I feel a little upset that she doesn’t gain the same traction, or even ‘attention’ that male characters do (which is a given). The only way for me to obviously change that is to promote myself and Adra included; which seems like a scary thing for me to do on my behalf during such a difficult time thanks to my depression and anxiety (not only that, isolating myself is something I’m also used to as well). I keep telling myself that I’m going to promote her, but something almost always pops up and requires a lot more of my attention than my role play blog and my characters (e.g. assignments, work and family commitments).

Finding someone to ship her with was something that almost ALWAYS bothered me to a huge extent (well, her having a life-long partner). Not so much in the beginning of her creation, but as the years progressed, I was kinda bummed at the fact that I couldn’t find anybody IC who was just like me or a close friend of mine on a server like Lamia (which is impossible to find on a server as such). I’ve never been the one to say to someone “Hey, I ship X and X together, maybe we could come up with something? (e.g. a story)” to someone EVER because of the negative implications it can have on both parties. Heck, I was even scared to even imply that I shipped Adra and another OC to the OC’s creator; I just found it really rude and invasive for me to throw my character at someone even after knowing them for some time. I’m not the one to initiate things myself, but if someone brings up an idea about a ship or wants to ship with me, there is a 99% chance I’m going to agree with the idea or ship concerning Adra.

Since May this year, I’ve had no idea what to do with my character or which direction to take with her prior to Stormblood. Plot was a thing that was brought up a lot in some chats, which instilled some sort of anxiety within me because I just did things with Adra as I played the story in terms of ARR and HW. I didn’t put much thought or detail about if or any injuries that Adra would sustain, or her thoughts about the Heavens Ward or other events as a collective. Sure, she has a large dislike for Ser Adelphel and grieved tremendously over Haurchefant’s death (heck, I was hesitant in buying SB because I didn’t want to move on so quickly from the story that was HW and Haurchefant himself). Adra was just very hesitant to move on so quickly and so was I.

Surely enough, Stormblood came around and my muse was inclined to help and assist Ala Mhigan women affected by the Garlean Empire’s conquests. She’s sustained a scar from Zenos, and prior to SB she permanently called off the ‘one night stands’ she had with her ex for a few months before the conclusion of HW (all done to fill the loneliness in her heart and to actually feel somewhat ‘loved’ by someone). The latter event saw the end to her emotional trauma per-se, and even meeting D’ucimel, she kind of has her reservations about him. At the same time though, he’s from a similar upbringing to her in terms of being adopted by a non-Miqo’te at a certain age, so she’s not as scared of what he might bring to the table for her.

As for her friends... I’m not sure how Adra sees them at the moment due to my current mental state. One moment, she wants to be around them, and the other, she just doesn’t want anything to do with them (perhaps save for a few). A close friend of mine ended up removing her character, of whom was Adra’s best friend, due to that character having romantic ties with another; of whom moved servers with their boyfriend without even saying goodbye. We’ve spoken about this multiple times to each other about what has happened to said character, but there is no way that I would want to force her to bring said character back as it is associated with a lot of negativity, unfortunately.

Plot wise, I’m not going to stress about it anymore and just do what I did with her in ARR and HW. I also want Adra to get to know some other people as well. I’ve planned out starters for certain people, but I just haven’t gotten around to finishing them due to my concentration and motivation levels die at the thought of it, or in fear that my writing would be just far too terrible for a starter and not up to a specific standard.

I also want to be open about talking about ships with Adra, and it’s something that I’ve ALWAYS been hesitant and nervous to talk about. I’ll probably think of something the ship would do but... 80% of the time, I wont end up confronting the person and telling them about it. I just feel like a pain in the ass (which I’m certainly not, I know that) or just a burden honestly. I have also wanted to send asks pertaining to ships in the last few days, but again, I haven’t because I said to myself; “Nah, I might be bothering them. I better not.”

Overall, I just feel that I may need to be more open with myself and Adra included. Perhaps when everything has smoothed over and I’ve been through the grieving process after losing my grandfather, maybe everything will be okay again. At this current time... I’m not entirely sure as everything seems uncertain. I also plan on drawing and posting some art when I get the time too, and maybe some writings. I’ve always had horrible confidence when it comes to my creativity, so we’ll see how that goes.

If you’ve read up until this point... Thanks. I’ve just been meaning to put my finger on what has been bothering me and ways that I can fix it, and my thoughts together on a character I’ve worked on so much.

In the meantime... I’m just gonna kick back and see how things go from here. ]]

[daddyconfessions]

sugar tales: Big Madre

I ran across Big Madre’s profile on SD.com. It was 2006 and I had recently joined the site. I sent the first message, she replied and several messages later we moved to email so we could exchange pics. Email would be the primary source of contact. Texting was fairly new to me in 2006. Hell I still had a flip phone as I recall.

After a few days of emails we met up for drinks. Big Madre was plus sized. At least 225 in the size 12 to 14 range. Despite her size, I liked the jelly. Sexy. BM was from the Honduras I think, and had been living in America most of her life. Jet black hair, nice brown skin tone, big ass and a little pudgy in the midsection. Still she was a good looking girl and probably was even more pretty several years prior and before the kids. Our first date we met at a bar of her choosing. Pretty happening place. I remember just being happy to be out a date. I hadn’t been too lucky on SD.com.

We sat outside in the spring evening and got to know each other over drinks. I can’t remember the conversation enough to quote, but the gist of her story was pretty dismal. She was separated from hubby. Yet, they still lived in the same house sleeping in separate bedrooms. They’re weren’t intimate either. Hubby refused to give her a divorce and pretty much didn’t give her any money. If she wanted to leave she would have to do it on her own. He also refused to pay for daycare and because she was married she couldn’t get social assistance to pay for it either. So she couldn’t go to work. No way to lift herself out of her situation because of the toddlers. Family support was out of the question. Culture and Catholicism as she explained, made divorce difficult, if not impossible. In fact, her fam encouraged her to work things out with him. “Do it for the kids mija.” Poor girl. She couldn’t do one for the other. Trapped. That’s where I came in. Cap’n Save’em. Up up and away!!!!

It was a lot to lay on a newbie like me though. I wasn’t that strong financially or mentally yet. Gosh, I was just happy to be going out on a date with the promise of getting some kitty. Didn’t know it would be this dark and grimey.  After drinks we said our goodbyes but I couldn’t tell she wasn’t interested in me. Maybe I let her talk to much? Somehow I slipped from being a potential benefactor and lover to a cool friend? We spoke sparingly over the next few days. Very dry. And then one day I made an offhand sexual comment. Not sure what I said, but it was enough to change the tone. The conversation went from dry and flat to sexy and playful. We met again within a couple of days : )

I picked her up from a friends and I could tell right away this was going to be a different date. She was into me. Even brought it up. Big Madre told me she hadn’t been feeling me at first. No attraction. “But then you started playing with me and I kind of got excited,” she said. “I don’t know. It just turned me on.” She had even told her friend how she’d met me but I wasn’t doing it for her.

Big Madre made me the man I am today. I’ve had a lot of questions on what I look like. Why I’m so successful in the sugarbowl. Why so many girls.  I just figured out early on having money wasn’t enough. I guess its worth mentioning these days it doesn’t’ take much. LOL. You got cash, she’s giving up the ass. But back in 2006, a Daddy needed some game to nab a SB. Money was just a tool as opposed to a necessity. Just IMHO. I needed to know how to talk to women. Understand them. Had to have a good haircut. Nice clothes and shoes. I needed to be confident too. More importantly, I needed the ability to reach inside them and turn on their interest for me. I needed some player tendencies if I really wanted to be successful.

I wanted to go to dinner this time. But Big Madre was amped up. She wanted to go to a strip club. Apparently I had really got her going. We hit up a well known spot, ordered some drinks and had a pretty decent time. She wasn’t very happy though. There were a lot of girls in the club, but they weren’t too interested in us. “Some of these bitches don’t like black guys,” I remember her saying. Still we managed to get a few table dances. Mostly for her. (Turned out she liked girls too).

As we left the club, we decided to go somewhere more to our liking. More “friendly” to the likes of me. But as we drove she told me she’d rather get a room. “I wanna fuck,” she said. Wow. Just like that? I was loving the sugarbowl already! Damn. She was visibly turned on too. Rubbing my hand while I drove. Kept looking at me. Touching my leg.

I made a mental note that night to definitely polish my game going forward if chicks were going to be acting like this. : )

We found a hotel and checked in. She told me we both had to shower first before we started. I took mine first and waited on her. When she came out, she had put her top back on and pulled it down over her waist to cover her stomach. Just covering up all that sweet jelly. I wanted it all off. I wanted to see that big body. In the faint light I could see stretch marks too. But she refused. “No,” she told me as I tried to remove it. “I don’t feel comfortable taking it off.”

I got turned off. I mean I knew she was a Big’un. I had already accepted that. But her lack of confidence almost made me go limp. I’ve blogged before on confidence and this is a perfect example. Because she was ashamed of her body parts, it sort of put the spotlight on it and it became the elephant in the room. I shook it off. I had to salvage the evening. We started making out. Lots of kissing and playing with each other. Then I went down on the kitty. Wasn’t the expert I am now. Definitely no multiple orgasms where she’s pushing my head away in an attempt to escape my love. Those days would come later :) I only managed to get her aroused that night. We switched up and she began worshiping Bartholomew. She had some pretty good knowledge. She was one of the first girls to actually use saliva. She spit on him before going down as far as she could. She gagged and coughed, and I could feel her tonsils. She’d come up off him for air, panting. She’d lick the shaft while she caught her breath, slurping, going all 7-eleven and what not. When she caught her breath she’d take me in her mouth and do it all over again. Big Madre was thoughtful too.  She made her way down to the twins, and gave them some enlightenment. I wasn’t used to that I had to admit. So it tickled and I jerked and twitched as she did it. By the time she stopped I was hard as a rock tho.

I put on the prophylactic and she mounted up. She tried to ride me but it wasn’t very good. So we switched to missionary. I shocked her because I threw them big ‘ol legs up around my shoulder like she weighed 120lbs. Turned her on that I was able to man handle her despite her size. “My husband acts like I’m too big,” she said. “I’m not your husband,” I told her as I proceeded to punish the kitty.  My memory is foggy after that. I went hard on her for a long time. Trying to hit it at different angles. Doing circles. Different positions. All acrobatic and stuff. But I couldn’t get her to cum. She had told me days back she didn’t cum easy if not at all. I was certainly putting that claim to test and  it held true I’m afraid. I couldn’t get that kitty to purr for nothing. I succumbed and let my unborn out.

I was all sweaty and tired. Catching my breath. Tired from my attempt. “Can we go again,” she asked. 

“I’m done,” I told her. “Ok.” She laid on my chest.

We talked a bit more. She still had that shirt half on. I don’t know why it bothered me but it did. She asked, “You ever do threesomes?” I was like yea sometimes. “I mean with another guy?” she asked.

“Uh no,” I frowned. “I have a strict, 1 dick in the room policy. But we can do two girls.” She said ok, but I could tell she wanted two dicks at the same time. Big Madre was a freak. We got up and got dressed. It was comical watching her put on her bra and then pulling up her shirt over it. Couldn’t believe she was that subconscious about her body. Such a let down.

I was kind of over her after that. Still we kept exchanging emails, remaining playful and flirty. She escalated. Started sending me naked pics of all that jelly. Kitty shots and stuff. Then one day she emailed that hubby had hit her a few times. Pushed her. And he had gotten tighter with the money too. She was feeling really trapped and wanted me to help. But I wasn’t the man I am today. Her problems were too big for me. On top of that I had lost interest sexually. I felt she wasn’t completely open with me sexually.  I met her again and gave her some $$$ to help out. No sex. But I started letting emails go and our conversation began to trail off. Last email from her she told me she had gone to a strip club and had managed to get a stripper home. I knew it was a ploy to get me back. Normally that would have turned me on but again I just wasn’t feeling her. I was like, “Oh that’s nice…” but sometime after that we just stopped talking completely.

Every now and then I wonder about her. Wonder if she made it out…Regret not doing more for her and helping. I just didnt’ have it in me. Despite the bad experience Big Madre taught me a lot. Taught me I had to have some game. I learned a lot of the women I’d be meeting would be in desperate need for money and if I wasn’t ready to spend and help these girls out I needed to take a seat. And I did. I stayed out the sugar bowl for another 2 years almost. I saw several escorts during that time. I’ll blog on that one day. :)

But, I wasn’t completely ready yet.

[beardedchrisevans]

CHRIS EVANS IS READY TO FIGHT His success as captain america has made Chris Evans one of Hollywood's sure things, which means he can do whatever he wants with his free time. So why jump out of airplanes and get into it with David Duke?

The Canadian commandos are the first to jump. Our plane reaches an altitude of about eight thousand feet; the back door opens. Although it's a warm winter day below in rural southern California, up here, not so much. In whooshes freezing air and the cold reality that this is actually happening. Out drop the eight commandos, all in black-and-red camouflage, one after the other. For them it's a training exercise, and Jesus, these crazy bastards are stoked. The last Canuck to exit into the nothingness is a freakishly tall stud with a crew cut and a handlebar mustache; just before he leaps, he flashes a smile our way. Yeah, yeah, we get it: You're a badass.

Moments later, the plane's at ten thousand feet, and the next to go are a Middle Eastern couple in their late thirties. These two can't wait. They are ecstatic. Skydiving is clearly a thing for them. Why? I can't help thinking. Is it like foreplay? Do they rush off to the car after landing and get it on in the parking lot? They give us the thumbs-up and they're gone.

Just like that, we're at 12,500 feet and it's our turn. Me and Chris Evans, recognized throughout the universe as the star of the Marvel-comic-book-inspired Captain America and Avengers movies. The five films in the series, which began in 2011 with Captain America: The First Avenger, have grossed more than $4 billion.

The two of us, plus four crew members, are the only ones left in the back of the plane. Over the loud drone of the twin propellers, one of the crew members shouts, "Okay, who's going first?"

Evans and I are seated on benches opposite each other. Neither of us answers. I look at him; he looks at me. I feel like I've swallowed a live rat. Evans is over there, all Captain America cool, smiling away.

While we were waiting to board the plane, Evans told me that as he lay in bed the night before, "I started exploring the sensation of 'What if the chute doesn't open?'. . ."

Oh, did you now?

". . .Those last minutes where you know." As in you know you're going to fatally splat. "You're not gonna pass out; you're gonna be wide awake. So what? Do I close my eyes? Hopefully, it would be quick. Lights out. I fucking hope it would be quick. And then I was like, if you're gonna do it, let's just pretend there is no way this is going to go wrong. Just really embrace it and jump out of that plane with gusto." Evans also shared that he'd looked up the rate of skydiving fatalities. "It's, like, 0.006 fatalities per one thousand jumps. So I figure our odds are pretty good."

Again the crew member shouts, "Who's going first?"

Again I look at Evans; again he looks at me. The rat is running circles in my belly.

I look at Evans; he looks at me.

Another crew member asks, "So whose idea was this, anyway?"

That's an excellent question.

I ask Evans the same thing when we first meet, the evening before our jump, at his house. He lives atop the Hollywood Hills, in a modern-contemporary ranch in the center of a Japanese-style garden. The place has the vibe of an L.A. meditation retreat—there's even a little Buddha statue on the front step.

The dude who opens the front door is in jeans, a T-shirt, and Nikes; he has on a black ball cap with the NASA logo, and his beard is substantial enough that for a second it's hard to be sure this is the same guy who plays the baby-faced superhero. Our handshake in the doorway is interrupted when his dog rockets toward my crotch. Evans is sorry about that.

We do the small-talk thing. Evans is from a suburb of Boston, one of four kids raised by Dad, a dentist, and Mom, who ran a community theater. The point is, he's a Patriots fan, and with Super Bowl LI, between the Pats and the Falcons, just a few days away at the time, it's about the only thing on his mind. You bet your Sam Adams–guzzling ass he's going to the game in Houston. "Oh my God," he says, doing a little dance. "I can't believe it's this weekend."

Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.

Evans won't be rolling to SB LI with a posse of Beantown-to-Hollywood A-listers like Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck. For the record, he's never met Damon, and his only interaction with Wahlberg was a couple years ago at a Patriots event. Evans has, however, humiliated himself in front of Affleck.

Around 2006, Evans met with Affleck to talk about Gone Baby Gone, which Affleck was directing. Evans was walking down a hallway, looking for the room where they were supposed to meet. Walking by an open office, he heard Affleck, in that thick Boston accent of his, shout, "There he is!" (Evans does a perfect Affleck impersonation.)

By then, Evans had hit the big time for his turn as the Human Torch, Johnny Storm, in 2005's Fantastic Four, but he still got starstruck. As he tells it, "First thing I say to him: 'Am I going to be okay where I parked?' He was like, 'Where did you park?' I said, 'At a meter.' And he was like, 'Did you put money in the meter?' And I said, 'Yep.' And he says, 'Well, I think you'll be okay.' I was like, this is off to a great fucking start." Stating the obvious here: Evans did not get the part.

No, Evans will be heading to the Super Bowl with his brother and three of his closest buddies. Like any self-respecting Pats fan, Evans is super-wicked pissed at NFL commissioner Roger Goodell for imposing that suspension on Tom Brady for Deflategate. Grabbing two beers from a fridge that's otherwise basically empty, Evans says, "I just want to see Goodell hand the trophy to Brady. Goodell. Piece of shit."

In Evans's living room, there's not a single hint of his Captain Americaness. Earth tones, tables that appear to be made of reclaimed wood. Open. Uncluttered. Glass doors open onto a backyard with a stunning view of the Hills. Evans stretches out on one of two couches. I take the other and ask, "Just whose idea was it to jump?" Since we both know whose idea it wasn't, we both know that what I'm really asking is Why? Why, dude, do you want to jump (with me) from a goddamn airplane? "Yeah," he says, popping open his beer, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Settling in on the couch, he groans. Evans explains that he's hurting all over because he just started his workout routine the day before to get in shape for the next two Captain America films. The movies will be shot back to back beginning in April. After that, no more red- white-and-blue costume for the thirty-five-year-old. He will have fulfilled his contract.

"Yeah," he says, popping open his beer, "I don't know what I was thinking."

Back in 2010, Marvel presented Evans with a nine-picture deal. He insisted he'd sign on for no more than six. Some family members thought he was nuts to dial back such a secure and lucrative gig. Evans saw it differently.

It takes five months to shoot a Marvel movie, and when you tack on the promotional obligations for each one, well, shit, man. Evans knew that for as long as he was bound to Captain America, he would have little time to take on other projects. He wanted to direct, he wanted to play other characters—roles that were more human—like the lead in Gifted, which will hit theaters this month. The script had brought him to tears. Evans managed to squeeze the movie in between Captain America and Avengers films.

In Gifted, Evans stars as Frank Adler. You don't get much more human than Adler, a grease-under-his-nails boat-engine mechanic living the bachelor life in Florida. After a series of tragic circumstances, Adler becomes a surrogate father to his niece, Mary, a first-grader with the IQ of Einstein. He recognizes that Mary is a little genius, and he does his best to prevent anyone else from noticing. Given the aforementioned circumstances, Adler has witnessed what can happen when a kid with a brilliant mind is pushed too hard too quickly. Then along comes Mary's teacher. She discovers the child's gift, and a Kramer vs. Kramer–esque drama ensues.

During a moment in the film when things aren't going Adler's way, he sarcastically refers to himself as a "fucking hero." Evans says the line didn't lead him to make comparisons between superhero Steve Rogers (aka Captain America) and Everyman hero Frank Adler. But now that you mention it . . . 

"With Steve Rogers," Evans says, "even though you're on a giant movie with a huge budget and strange costumes, you're still on a hunt for the truth of the character." That said, "with Adler, it's nice to play someone relatable. I think Julianne Moore said, 'The audience doesn't come to see you; they come to see themselves.' Adler is someone you can hold up as a mirror for someone in the audience. They'll be able to far more easily identify with Frank Adler than Steve Rogers."

Dodger. That's the name of Evans's dog, the one who headbutted my nuts and has since done a marvelous job of making amends by nuzzling against me on the couch. Evans got him while he was filming Gifted; one of the last scenes was shot in an animal shelter in Georgia. Evans had wanted a dog ever since his last pooch died in 2012. Then he found himself walking the aisles of this pound, and there was this mixed-breed boxer, wagging his tail and looking like he belonged with Evans.

Dodger is not exactly a name you'd think a die-hard Boston sports fan would pick. His boys from back home have given him a ton of shit over it. But he has not abandoned his Red Sox for the L.A. team. As a kid, he loved the Disney animated movie Oliver & Company, and his favorite character was Dodger. Anticipating the grief he was going to get from his pals, Evans considered other names. "You could name your dog Doorknob," he says, "and in a month he's fucking Doorknob." Evans's mom convinced him to go with his gut.

Right around when Evans was wrapping Gifted and heading back to L.A. with Dodger, the 2016 presidential campaign was still in that phase when no one, including the actor—a Hillary Clinton supporter—thought Trump had a shot. He still can't believe Trump won.

"I feel rage," he says. "I feel fury. It's unbelievable. People were just so desperate to hear someone say that someone is to blame. They were just so happy to hear that someone was angry. Hear someone say that Washington sucks. They just want something new without actually understanding. I mean, guys like Steve Bannon—Steve Bannon!—this man has no place in politics."

Evans has made, and continues to make, his political views known on Twitter. He tweeted that Trump ought to "stop energizing lies," and he recently ended up in a heated Twitter debate with former KKK leader David Duke over Trump's pick of Jeff Sessions for attorney general. Duke baselessly accused Evans of being anti-Semitic; Evans encouraged Duke to try love: "It's stronger than hate. It unites us. I promise it's in you under the anger and fear." Making political statements and engaging in such public exchanges is a rather risky thing for the star of Captain America to do. Yes, advisors have said as much to him. "Look, I'm in a business where you've got to sell tickets," he says. "But, my God, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror if I felt strongly about something and didn't speak up. I think it's about how you speak up. We're allowed to disagree. If I state my case and people don't want to go see my movies as a result, I'm okay with that."

Trump. Bannon. Politics. Now Evans is animated. He gets off the couch, walks out onto his porch, and lights a cigarette. "Some people say, 'Don't you see what's happening? It's time to yell,' " Evans says. "Yeah, I see it, and it's time for calm. Because not everyone who voted for Trump is going to be some horrible bigot. There are a lot of people in that middle; those are the people you can't lose your credibility with. If you're trying to change minds, by spewing too much rhetoric you can easily become white noise."

Evans has a pretty remarkable "How I got to Hollywood" story.

During his junior year of high school, he knew he wanted to act. He was doing it a lot. In school. At his mom's theater. He loved it. "When you're doing a play at thirteen years old and have opening night? None of my friends had opening nights. 'I can't have a sleepover, guys; I have an opening night tonight.' "

That same year, he did a two-man play. For all of the twenty-plus plays Evans had done up to that point, preparation meant going home, memorizing lines, and doing a few run-throughs with the cast. However, for this play, Fallen Star, he and his costar would rehearse by running dialogue with each other. Hour upon hour, night after night.

Fallen Star is about two friends, one of whom has just died. As the play opens, one of the characters comes home after the funeral to find his dead friend's ghost. Evans was the ghost. Waiting backstage on opening night, he knew he didn't have every line memorized, but he had the essence and emotion of the play down. Onstage, he remembers, "I was saying the lines not because they were memorized but because the play was in me. I was believing what I was saying."

He was hooked. He wanted to do more of this kind of acting—real acting. He wanted to do films, in which the camera was right on him and he could just be the character, rather than theater, in which an actor must perform to the back of the room.

A family friend who was a television actor advised Evans that if he wanted to go to Hollywood, he needed an agent. Toward the end of his junior year, he had a ballsy request for his parents: If he found an internship with a casting agent in New York City, would they allow him to live there and cover the rent? They agreed. Evans landed a gig with Bonnie Finnegan, who was then working on the television show Spin City.

"I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life." Until it wasn't.

Evans chose to intern with a casting agent because he figured he had more of a chance to interact with other agents trying to get auditions for their clients.

The kid was sixteen years old.

Finnegan put Evans on the phone; his responsibilities included setting up appointments for auditions. By the end of the summer, he picked the three agents he had the best rapport with and asked each of them to give him a five-minute audition. All three said yes. After seeing his audition, all three were interested.

Evans went with the one Finnegan recommended, Bret Adams, who told Evans to return to New York for auditions in January, television pilot season. Back home, Evans doubled up on a few classes the first semester of his senior year, graduated early, and went back to New York in January. He got the same shithole apartment in Brooklyn and the same internship with Finnegan. He landed a part on the pilot Opposite Sex. Even better, the show got picked up and would start shooting in L.A. that fall.

"I know I'm going to L.A. in August," Evans says, recalling that period. "So I go home and that spring I would wake up around noon, saunter into high school just to see my buddies, and we'd go get high in the parking lot. I just fucked off. I lost my virginity that year. 1999 was one of the best years of my life." Until it wasn't.

He wasn't in L.A. for even a month when he got a call from home. His parents were divorcing. Evans never saw it coming.

Family and love and the struggles therein are part of what attracted Evans to Gifted.

"In my own life, I have a deep connection with my family and the value of those bonds," he says. "I've always loved stories about people who put their families before themselves. It's such a noble endeavor. You can't choose your family, as opposed to friends. Especially in L.A. You really get to see how friendships are put to the test; it stirs everyone's egos. But if something goes south with a friend, you have the option to say we're not friends anymore. Your family—that's your family. Trying to make that system work and trying to make it not just functional but actually enjoyable is a really challenging endeavor, and that's certainly how it is with my family."

In the plane, a decision is made.

"I want to see you jump first," Evans shouts my way.

Of course he does.

Like any respectable and legal skydiving center, Skydive Perris, which is providing us with this "experience," doesn't just strap a chute on your back. First, you go to a room for a period of instruction. Then you go to another room, where you sign away your rights.

You may be wondering how the star of a billion-dollar franchise with two pictures to shoot gets clearance to jump from an airplane—never mind the low rate of fatalities, as Evans has presented it. So am I.

"Well, they give you all these crazy insurance policies, but even if I die, what are they going to do? Sue my family? They'd probably cast some new guy at a cheaper price and save some money."

Thinking the answer is almost certainly going to be no, I ask Evans if he's ever gone skydiving before. Turns out he has, with an ex-girlfriend. Turns out that ex-girlfriend is now married to Justin Timberlake. Evans and Jessica Biel dated off and on from 2001 to 2006. They took the leap together when Biel hatched the idea for one Valentine's Day. According to media accounts, Evans was recently dating his Gifted costar Jenny Slate, who plays the teacher. "Yeah," he says, "but I'm steering clear of those questions." You can almost feel his heart pinch.

"There's a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who's not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around."

We end up broadly discussing the unique challenges an international star like Evans faces when it comes to dating, specifically the trust factor. Evans supposes that's why so many actors date other actors: "There's a certain shared life experience that is tough for someone else who's not in this industry to kind of wrap their head around," he says. "Letting someone go to work with someone for three months and they won't see them. It really, it certainly puts the relationship to the test."

In Gifted, there's a moment when Slate's character asks Adler what his greatest fear is. Frank Adler's greatest fear is that he'll ruin his niece's life. Evans's greatest fear is having regrets.

"Like always kind of wanting to be there as opposed to here. I think I'm worried all of a sudden I'll get old and have regrets, realize that I've not cultivated enough of an appreciation for the now and surrendering to the present moment."

Evans's musings have something to do with the fact that he has been reading The Surrender Experiment. "It's about the basic notion that we are only in a good mood when things are going our way," he says. "The truth is, life is going to unfold as it's going to unfold regardless of your input. If you are an active participant in that awareness, life kind of washes over you, good or bad. You kind of become Teflon a little bit to the struggles that we self-inflict."

He continues: "Our conscious minds are very spread out. We worry about the past. We worry about the future. We label. And all of that stuff just makes us very separate. What I'm trying to do is just quiet it down. Put that brain down from time to time and hope those periods of quiet and stillness get longer. When you do that, what rises from the mist is a kind of surrendering. You're more connected as opposed to being separate. A lot of the questions about destiny or fate or purpose or any of that stuff—it's not like you get answers. You just realize you didn't need the questions."

This here—this stuff about surrendering, letting life unfold, taking the leap—this is why he wanted to go skydiving. It's why that sixteen-year-old took the leap and did the summer in New York; it's why he took the leap and turned down the nine-picture deal; it's why he got Dodger. Surrender. Take the leap.

And so I go first.

Oh, one important detail: Novice jumpers like Evans and me, we don't jump solo. Thank God. Each of us is doing a tandem jump. Each of us is strapped with our back to a professional jumper's front. I'm strapped to a forty-four-year-old dude named Paul. Considering what's about to happen, I figure I should know a little something about Paul. He tells me he used to own a bar in Chicago. Evans is strapped to a young woman named Sam, who looks to be twenty-something. She's got a purplish-pink streak in her black hair and says things like "badass." In fact, Sam introduced herself  by saying, "I'm Sam, but you can call me Badass."

At the plane's open door, my mind goes to my wife and two teenage sons, to those I love, and to the texts I just sent in case my chute fails. Then Paul and I—well, really mostly Paul—rock gently back and forth to build momentum to push away from the plane, to push away from all that seems sane.

Three.

Two.

One.

Holy fuck.

HOLY FUCK. This is what I scream as we free-fall from 12,500 feet, at more than a hundred miles an hour, toward the earth. Which I cannot take my eyes off of. I think about nothing. Not living. Not dying. Nothing. I simply feel . . . I have let go.

Suddenly, it all stops. I'm jerked up. Paul has pulled the chute, and it does indeed open. This is fantastic, because it means we have a much better chance of not dying. But it's also kind of a bummer. I had let go. Of everything. I had chosen to play those odds Evans had talked about. I had embraced jumping and letting life unfold.

Now I had been jerked back. I would land. Back on the earth I had been so high above and from which I had been so far removed. Back in all of it.

Once I'm on the ground, safe and in one piece, a staffer runs over and asks how I feel. I say, "I feel like Captain America."

The staffer runs over and asks Evans the same question. He says he feels great. Then he's asked another question: What was your favorite part?

"Jumping out," he says. "Jumping out is always a real thrill."

This article appears in the April '17 issue of Esquire.