#me when i literally dont talk to anyone but friends and family for months: idk what my problem is supposed to be i feel great

[videoworm]

.

[spicyrouletteburrito]

Am I gonna finally make a post analyzing Bam’s character? Maybe

I’ve actually been wondering cuz there was exactly one time I decided to check out Naver/the korean ver of TOG and the comments were: probably the cruelest I’ve seen? It felt like a cesspool of hate where everyone was complaining about something or the other and it was so bad that I was legit thinking how on earth does SIU continue writing if all his comments r about how awful his writing of Bam is or how everyone only wants to see Khun and that they dont care about the effort he puts into his art

But anyway after reading that Ive been thinking for months that I want to actually sit down and study Bam’s character a bit as a fuck you to all the hate

I do have some issues with his character which I def talk about below but i can assure you Im not gonna be just hating on him

Actually this is gonna be really long so I’m just gonna start linking them in different posts

Spoilers for anyone not caught up on the webtoon

Lets talk about the positives first or like moments where it felt like Bam really is putting his money where his mouth is

He’s choosing to ignore FUG’s fate for him and chooses paths that will keep his loved ones closest to him - I think its incredibly admirable that he does this knowing that FUG’s goal is to overthrow someone who in the Tower’s eyes is hindering growth, is needlessly cruel(Workshop Battle Reflejo remember losing his eyes and his family just for accidentally(or not) looking at a Princess comes to mind, Traumarei wiping out entire branches of his family if he didnt like them), is a tyrant(Idk what else to call Jahad after that whole thing w the Hidden Grove and Sir u cannot just ‘declare’ urself King one day and then start killing people when they disagree). Back to Bam, its incredible and I think a good thing to show of someone choosing a path of their own than just listening to the cries of people who as even Urek said, have nothing to do with him. That sounds horribly cruel but hear me out: Bam doesnt know ANYTHING about the Tower when FUG takes him, what he knows is that his friends are being held captive and FUG is behind it, FUG is doing this because they cant kill Jahad themselves. I am beyond 10000000% certain that if they had just explained to Bam from the start and never put his friends on the line that Bam would have been happy to help them fight Jahad. We have seen Bam go out of his way to help characters for no reason beyond his own sense of compassion and empathy(literally the entirety of Tower of God/Bam sticking his neck out for Traumarei and Gustangs family members and telling the heads to stop fucking with their families lives) those families asked for help but note that none of them were holding Bam’s friends as hostages. Laura Lo Po Bia just ASKED for help, she didnt do anything to pressure Bam to help(if I remember correctly). If you want another example we can just look at Bam vs White in the Hell train w Bam saving Whites comrades.

If FUG hadn’t fucked w Bam’s friends, they WOULD have had a willing Slayer Candidate but they didnt.

I like that Bam walked away from Fug after knowing why he was being forced to train under them as I read it as Bam leaving his abusers behind. CUZ THATS LITERALLY WHAT FUG DID TO HIM, Bams whole fucking personality changed thanks to FUG, he himself hates the ver of himself that FUG turned him into. I dont think I need to elaborate on that, we got the Hidden Floor arc to prove it. I point this out is cuz a thing abusers do is raise the stakes so you feel morally obligated to stay, eg: abusers trapping women by forcing them to get and stay pregnant saying that its best for the Child. What FUG was doing was essentially that in part so Bam choosing to leave and fight to leave is an incredible showing of fighting for your freedom even when your abusers keep making it sound like ur the worst person alive for leaving. Also, they took Bam and clearly dont touch Urek, they took Bam who was literally brand new to the tower, had no time to assess the Tower for himself and make even his own fking personality, they literally took Bam at his most vulnerable AND impressionable for a reason. Bam was weak and didnt know how hsi powers worked, he’s kinda perfect for the job, you dont see them doing anything like this with Urek because they know it would not work with him. Bam was kinda the perfect victim, so yeah I think Bam rejecting FUG is fking perfect even if it does come at the price of the Tower staying under Jahads reign, you do not solve abuse with MORE abuse, ESP when there WAS a way to get Bam to naturally help.

Bam leaving FUG was one of the strongest displays of his Values and I will die on this hill okay?!

Anyway thats enough FUG bashing lmao FUG is still cool but yeah theyre real fucked up

Once I have other posts out I’ll link them together(i also gotta learn how to do that)

[trickstarbrave]

TCS FRIDAY BABEYYYY

i just wanna talk about steren because i love him. sorry for what will no doubt be rambling u_u @the-elder-polls i will be including art and stuff as necessary bc i love my boyyyyyyy and ive drawn him a lot

he's technically a nerevarine. he isnt nerevar's reincarnation though, instead nerevar (trans) and voryn had a kid by accident and well. steren is the reincarnation of THAT child.

first lifetime in his early life he was born at kogoruhn and raised in house dagoth. The cover story is nerevar was on a pilgrimage for azura and voryn had a drunken affair with a woman. steren is born, voryn fakes the death of the random woman, now he has a son. very few people know the truth. nerevar wanted to raise him but he was originally born a commoner and while he's strong enough to protect himself, he wouldn't put it past anyone with a grudge to target a literal infant just to spite him. nerevar still visits often though, under the guise that of course he'd be nice to his closet friend's son

steren was born a few years before the war of the first council though. tensions were getting high between the chimer and previously quiet dwemer, and house dagoth being the spies for the chimer by and large discovered what kagrenac was up to. you know the rest (mostly). nerevar and voryn die, the tribunal become gods, the dwemer vanish, everyone becomes dunmer except ayem and half of vivec... tribunal had caught on though that steren was nerevar's son as well though and they think it is particularly cruel to kill nerevar's only child just because he's of house dagoth blood. so they pretty much wipe his memories for the most part and have him raised in house indoril.

steren grew up in house indoril, and eventually realized he was of house dagoth. he confronts vivec who had become a sort of mentor to him, and vivec tells him to leave it in the past. he was spared because he was an innocent child. house dagoth were destroyed because they were traitors. they had to be purged from morrowind. there is nothing in the past that will give steren the answers and comfort he wants and will only lead him to his doom. this goes over as well as you would expect with him leaving house indoril and looking for answers alone. at some point he got married and had a kid, but his mission was about uncovering the secrets of house dagoth the tribunal tried to bury and learn more about his parents. he's killed during a collapse of some ruins. his wife takes the kid and promptly leaves morrowind, fearing what the temple may do now that steren is dead

family line continues for a while, and during this time nerevar's ghost has been watching over them. he felt too bad leaving his son all alone in the world, so he silently watched over him, heartbroken. then steren died and nerevar followed his child, his child's child, and so on. up to the third era where steren is reborn to a dying woman on the run from some illiac bay nobleman. after she dies, steren goes to an orphanage. unknown parents, born under a certain sign, fulfilling the prophecy. he's arrested when, after leaving a house he was robbing, he stumbles upon a dead body at the completely wrong time. the trial is shit because this is the TES universe (guilty until proven innocent is canon fsr, dont let me ramble about why we'll be here all day) and he develops a fear of large crowds having their eyes all on him (idk what thats called). he stays 3 months in prison before being pardoned and shipped to morrowind. despite it being his home province he never heard great things about it.

he follows the storyline pretty closely. except that this is my world so mods like tamriel rebuilt are canon for me. he joins house hlaalu and the mages guild. he's really freaked out by all the sleepers who know him by name saying weird shit calling him 'prince' or some shit so he decides to take the opportunity to visit the mainland when the mages guild asks him to. on the mainland he does a bunch of stuff but finds vissamu and an ancient tome from house dagoth. he doesnt know why but he cant let go out of the house dagoth stuff. its familiar. but it also makes his heart ache.

more importantly though on the mainland is he comes across a dunmer who didn't know what house or family he was from. a nearby temple has you gather ingredients for a ritual to summon an ancestor spirit. steren does it correctly and then after seeing the guy happy to know who he is and able to build a relationship with his deceased family, asks the temple to do the same for him. an ancestor spirit is in fact summoned but before they can reveal who steren is, nerevar shoos them away. all steren knows is it fails but the priest sees what is clearly saint nerevar watching over him and tells him he doesnt know why it failed but that he is watched over well. steren hears a voice urging him to go outside and does so. there, nerevar reveals himself, able to communicate with him now, and tells him he stopped the spirit. she wanted to come and talk to him, but she was a woman of house dagoth (voryns mom specifically) and nerevar feared what might happen if his lineage was revealed to others. steren is kinda freaked out, asking if he'll go insane like some of the sleepers he sees, but nerevar assures him he wont let that happen.

back on vvardenfell steren continues his questing. gets corprus, cures corprus. goes to kogoruhn and finds at the old family hearth a bottle with what was originally his baby teeth as well as locks of hair from both parents, typical things to leave near the family hearth for protection. steren takes it with him, not knowing why he's so attached to it.

after getting the ring though he gets his past life memories back and realizes he's not nerevar reborn. he has memories of "uncle nerevar" in his first life. he demands answers, crying, and nerevar comes clean that no, he isn't nerevar reborn. nerevar didnt want him doing this either, but azura has no other options because nerevar refused to reincarnate and apologizes to steren. but steren asks how he can wear the ring then and nerevar is quiet before explaining that while he was alive he asked azura to modify the enchantment so that nerevar and his descendants can wear the ring. that steren's other parent was always nerevar, but nerevar couldnt be open about that fact because he couldnt bear the thought of his own child being killed

fighting dagoth ur is particularly painful because dagoth ur recognizes steren as his son but well. he's still insane. dagoth ur thinks steren is too corrupted and blinded by the tribunal who stole him away and brainwashed him, but dagoth ur can kill and remake him, just like he did his brothers. then he can bring back nerevar, purge the empire from morrowind, and live together as a family, proud and openly. defeating him was not easy emotionally or physically tbh, but steren did win.

also at some point he got trueflame. i havent figured out when he did the tribunal dlc quite yet. it might be while he was on the mainland if im being honest but i feel like almalexia would def spill the beans on who he is. maybe he takes out the assassins, comes back, gets the ring, and then goes to deal with the rest of the stuff from tribunal.

after daogth ur's defeat, azura comes to usher nerevar to moonshadow. spirits arent supposed to remain in the realm of the living for too long and he risks being completely destroyed. nerevar is worried, but steren assures him he'll be fine, and nerevar goes to rest. then azura says she'll give steren any gift within her power to him as a reward for doing such a difficult task, and steren says he just wants to be with his parents again. azura frowns and says she cant bring back the living. steren knows. azura is even more upset because steren is not that old for dunmer and is already asking to die. but instead of killing him she sends him to another world where his parents ARE alive. and also 200 years in the future where theyre together in hopes steren can be with his parents and live happily there. she's going to let this worlds nerevar and voryn have the memories of steren's world too so it wont be weird.

mephala though intervenes with the reasoning "you can just send people to different worlds and time periods. you'll fucking break the dragon." and drops him off not in mournhold but in blacklight, outside of a brothel where the reincarnation/child of vivec (named vivienne, who belongs to @wellthebardsdead) is currently being kept. in this world nerevar was the nerevarine, azura restored him to his status, voryn reincarnated, i wrote about them getting together here. steren, strongly resembling voryn, is taken in by force and fed poison to both diminish his strength and keep him from healing the injuries from dagoth ur. but he and vivienne save up money from tips and escape. steren couldnt take his ring or sword but he figures the brothel madam probably pawned them off and he should just gtfo of morrowind before the temple figures out theres two copies of nerevar's ring and sword and if theres an impersonator running around. they hop on a boat like a day or two before voryn and nerevar track down the brothel in blacklight to look for steren.

they get off the boat in.... SKYRIM!!! surprise, vivienne is the dragonborn too. he and steren are very close but very shy about admitting the fact theyre in love. theyre both traumatized and afraid of hurting the other or being rejected. im sure you can imagine.

look at how cute they are...

also since steren isn't the dragonborn he doesnt do much of the msq. he is more like a follower but he has some side content he does. he joins the companions, contracts lycanthrope (thanks hircine, not helping steren's opinion of daedra at all), ends up doing the forsworn conspiracy and after breaking out of the mine the forsworn take over markarth. vivienne does the thieves guild and steren helps with that bc he does know some dwemer from being taught it by both nerevar as a ghost and voryn when he was a kid. also he did the mages guild in morrowind so he knows a lot of dwemer stuff. oh steren also got fucked up by the heart of lorkhan a little and during the peace talks he did make the throat of the world start shaking when he got violently angry. steren is also not at all impressed with delphine (he already didnt like the blades for obvious reasons)

oh they also adopt a scrib. named mr scribbles. its later revealed scribbles is a girl but (sorry i cant draw bugs well)

alduin is defeated and vivienne comes back. steren was worried sick but is happy to have his beloved back. they confess, its cute, and steren gifts him a necklace he made with traditional house dagoth craftsmanship

shortly afterwards though miraak's cultists show up and despite what they want they have to go to solthsheim and deal with it..... ugh. while all this is going on nerevar and voryn arrived in skyrim and were trying to track their son down sort of on a wild goose chase. by the time they catch up steren and vivi are on their way to solstheim.

on solstheim they try to keep a low profile. steren uses a bandana to keep the big red star on his face covered. vivienne ends up getting turn grey and cold like vivec which doesnt help the vivec allegations. after he's turned steren starts getting some gold patches on him too (i forgot the red star like an idiot sorry)

one of vivienne's clients though survived the purge that voryn and nerevar did. his name is sen dres and he's been hiding out on solstheim getting enough political power to either go to skyrim and find vivi or get vivi when they come to solstheim. sen hates steren thinking steren is the one who convinced vivi to leave and his plan is to kill steren and take vivi back to morrowind to live with him forever. when he finds out vivi is the reincarnation of vivec he wants to force him to become vivec too because then he can have a god as his slave/husband. i hate sen dres so much. anyways he manages to get steren and vivienne alone and convinces vivi if he comes quietly they'll leave steren alive. only to promptly stab steren straight through the stomach and leave him there to bleed out while vivienne is gagged so he cant shout and drugged.

nerevar and voryn do arrive in time to help steren and heal him up. they were told by the house hlaalu dude actually what sen dres' plan was because that guy saw steren had the tattoo of a house hlaalu grandmaster and he doesn't want a potential high ranking member of house hlaalu to die. they get steren to safety and with the rest of the dragonborn gang rescue vivi and the two of them are happy together again while recovering :))) and steren gets to see his parents

steren and vivi also end up getting married eventually. yay!!!!!!

other stuff i couldnt figure out where to put it-- at first the good three think vivi is vivec. mephala sent steren to vivi to see if he'd betray steren to alleviate his own suffering. but vivienne did not, instead he took care of steren and wanted to escape with him. boethiah and azura both try to kill vivienne though. and molag bal thinks vivienne is vivec and should be married to him ugh. do you see why steren hates daedra.

[brandogenius]

I DONT THINK YOU UNDERSTAND THIS AU IS ALL I THINK ABT

munagenius being protective of littlest munagenius makes my soul cry istg just like pushing reader behind one of them in a crowd or if paparazzi is getting to close like they don’t play or ready to back them up at all times even if reader isn’t around, don’t even let some guy fo approach them

also the katie x ya big sibling/little sibling moment means everything to me as the oldest who didn’t have have that😭

ANYWAYs was crying over the math thing like ya didn’t even ask for help but they’ve got all of muna/boygenius/munagenius surrounding them like “i’ve got it guys🙄” their like “THE ANSWER IS 18!!” and ya is like “ik i knew before y’all tried to help i’ve been trying tell yall” “why did you let us go on that long ???” “i wanted to see how long it would take y’all to finally figure out second grade math”

ya meeting up with a younger celeb and their talking in genz terms and munagenius is LOST

just talking to them about you’re highschool experience and they are so into it like “what do mean you were drunk at house party your like 4 yrs old 🤨” “y’all didn’t go too parties????” or like old partners like they’ve got personal beef with some kids now bc what do mean they use to bully you

“i graduate this month” “from college?” “no highschool” “…dear god i’m old”

them reaching you things like naomi helping you learn the keys, katie teaching you how to do your makeup, lucy taking you to museums or helping you read poetry, julien helping you learn coping mechanisms/guitar/painting, phoebe helping you set up your in-ears (I LOVE THIS IDEA), jo helping you learn bass(i’m not a musical person idk really what they play

Also all their partners also being readers friends and getting attached so ya has a literal ARMY

munagenius finding readers yearbook= FEILD DAY

i have to stop or i’ll never quit😭

I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS REALLY

LITTLEST MUNAGENIUS AHAJDJD THATS READERS NAME NOW “guys!! look it’s munagenius and little munagenius in the same room!!”

as an only child (sad ik) these sibling dynamics makes me so happy im like SOBS just insert myself into here and have munagenius teaching ME how to do makeup yes pls

ya can be a bit of a prankster. they like being in the company of munagenius (say they are an only child too so having jo and naomi helping them with their homework is unusual for them but they like it) just the feeling of having their little tour family all around the table working together and including ya makes them wanna cry in a positive way like “damn- i have people who actually care enough to help with my hw and studies )

imagine busting out the yearbook but to show muna now the boys being like “WE SEEN IT FIRST HA”

they have beef with your maths and history teacher. don’t ask why they just do “RICKY WHEN I SEE YOU RICKEU WHEN I SEE YOU SWINGING ARMS”

i love the trope of phoebe helping with readers in ears so much like it’s their first time and phoebes like helping them and it’s just scary at first but she helps ya with the wires etc!’

OH ABSOLUTELY!! meeting their partners (muna & the boys) and they just come in contact with you for 5 minutes and then they are like “i would fight anyone for you kid”

ya is just adopting all the adults left and right at this point

NAH LISTEN THIS IS MY URGE TO CONTINUE I LIVE FOR THESE

[rianafying]

i’m having a really bad day emotionally. idk if it’s my period hormones or bpd but i’m just in a really sucky mood today. yesterday i recovered from one illness that i had since late jan. i’ve been desperately waiting to feel better and this morning i woke up with another kind of illness. and i’m doing my best to recover from this as well. and something triggered my abandonment response and im just having a really really hard time right now. and i can’t even freely talk about it to anyone or even write about it in my journal. i’m just. so sad right now. i’m not abandoned but i feel that way. i have been feeling abandoned for a while now and a small thing that happened last night really amped it up. then this morning i woke up with a crazy amount of physical pain and fever from said illness and im also severely dehydrated because i have been too upset to drink water so i’ve been forcing myself to drink lots of water all day. and had to take painkillers and sleep the fever off. all by myself. i hate being by myself. but it was worse when i was living with family back in bangladesh. somehow i felt even lonelier and more horrible there. lately i’ve had very little hope about myself and my future. i’m just going through a rough time mentally. so are my loved ones. i’m sobbing as i’m writing about this. this isn’t even bad. like it’s just my mental illness over reacting and my hormones possibly amplifying the negative emotions. but nothing terrible has actually happened it’s just that i wanted something and i can’t have it and even in my dreams, my desires plague me. it all sounds vague but that’s on purpose because i can’t openly talk about it. even when faced with much greater difficulty, i have handled things better but right now even though it’s not actually that bad, i feel exceptionally sad. i did my groceries. made the right decisions. i literally did my very fucking best today. and yet i feel nothing but awful awful awful. even some self hatred and self pity. i’m having a hard time trying to logic myself out of this one. maybe it just needs some time. the problem is that i don’t have all that much time to give. i have a class early tomorrow and it’s one of those classes that i really have to participate in and even though i normally look forward to this class, im dreading it right now. i dont have the energy to learn a whole bunch of things right now. and my friends invited me for drinks after classes, which is great but sucks because i literally have 5$ in my bank account to last me the whole week, and today was just monday. idk how this happened. actually i know exactly how this happened, i paid of my medical bills when i got paid this weekend. that’s why i have nothing left. but it’s a big relief. that i have paid off all my hospital debt. it’s a huge deal. and it’s done. now temporarily i’ll struggle a little but it’ll be okay soon. also it was just 11:11pm and i made a good wish. i’m going to try my best to bring it to fruition. rn im still a bit sick, and im not gonna beat myself up for having a bad couple of days. i know im doing my best. my best is not as good as other people’s but it’s mine. and i am choosing to go easy on myself. i’m feeling a fever coming back. the plan for the rest of the night is to maybe rest till my fever goes away. then watch the movies i downloaded w the library wifi, because guess what, i didn’t have money to get wifi this month. so i barely use my data and i try to download as much as i can at uni and at the library. it has been kind of good for me. to be off the internet mostly. this reminds me i should deactivate my instagram soon. idc if i loose my work flow. or maybe try to find balance between life offline and online. after i’m done resting and my fever subsides, ill boil some eggs and what not. i deserve to eat well. nvm im back to crying in my fetal position. oh god i feel so bad. i feel so bad right now. i can’t do anything about this. and the things that i can fix, i don’t. this is literally my life. crying about things i can’t control and ignoring the things i can control

this is the worst i have felt in 2024 so far. i’m so sad that it’s giving me a headache. i’m so disoriented and confused and tired and sad i don’t wanna do anything. i’m depressed as fuck. why does this happen to me. oh god i let a couple of hours pass, and i’m doing a little bit better. this is so stupid.

[spidergwen-real-notclickbait]

hello gamers here is another one of my infamous rants you can all ignore but im saying this all to countless people on Tumblr coz none of you know me irl so its less embarrassing but like...

I know ive complained about this before but ive had some realisations but im literally 21 tomorrow (in a few hours) and it still really upsets me that ive never had a relationship but ive been thinking about it and it literally is all my fault like... I have such cripplingly low self esteem I physically cannot believe that someone would ever be into me and just for example, there was this guy I went on a date w from tinder like a year ago now and he was rly nice but I freaked out bc he wanted to sleep w me on the fist date and that terrified me coz it was the first date I went on since I was assaulted so I just ignored him after that... but he messaged me again a few months later wanting to meet up again and I was fucking stupid and cancelled last minute.. like sorry for the long story but just an example of how I freak the fuck out whenever someone shows any interest in me.. and also I found out a few days ago that he has a gf now and I just hate myself sm coz that couldve been me yk?? but its happened so many times where someone asks me out or shows interest and I just reject them.. and then I wonder why ive never been in a relationship like it literally is all my fault.. there was this girl I was sort of seeing for a bit but she just texted me one day and now she's dating her housemate and there was this guy a bit ago that I really fucking liked but he messaged me at fucking 4am one day saying 'sorry for leading u on but im not ready for a relationship' and like???? why were you on hinge then??? and why did you spend all night every night for god knows how long saying how u can't wait to see me again???? like I know a relationship isn't the point of life but when nearly all my friends are in v serious relationships, like moving in together and talking about family shit, I just rly feel like ive missed out and I just wanna know what it feels like to love someone and have my heartbroken and shit like that what every other person I know has and... idk sorry this is so long its just rly upsetting me but I dont have anyone else to talk to coz I dont know anyone else in this situation sorry guys

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

[ebony-hawthorne]

hi so i'm gonna be real for a minute here (triggering topics ahead. read at your own risk)

i know your probably here for my subpar brainfarts and reblogs, and by now probably know i have really bad mental health.

anyway my vent.

i have been sexually assaulted twice in my 14 years of being on this planet. both were pretty small insignificant things, but they both happened at school, where i'm supposed to feel safe, and there are adults who care.

the first time, i was in woodshop. a kid started poking my butt with a block of wood during a demonstration on how to use the machinery. i was leaning against a table, and he started just jabbing my butt. i told the teacher after, and he said he'd talk to the kid. he did, idk what he said to the kid, but he didn't apologize or anything. i don't even think he knew what was going on because he knew next to no english. no one really cared except for a handful of other girls. this was when i still had girl status (long hair, makeup, kinda trendy clothes) if it had happened a month later, only my friends would have cared, and these are my ride or die buddies so

second time was last month. in the caf, a student came down from the mezzanine, and i don't even know what he was thinking, cause i was literally holding hands with my best friend. i also dont look like a girl from behind, cause boycut and all that. anyway he grabbed my shoulders, and shoved his groin against my butt. i was actually genuinely scared. it was like 2 seconds, but it was so long. i was so close to so many of my friends, i felt so alone. and then he just left. i dn't even know what his face looks like. i haven't talked to admin for that very reason. a don't know who it was.

i have also been the victim of severe bullying in the past, so another thing to add to the trauma bucket.

i am everybody's confidant.

i have a pretty bad relationship with food, but don't tell anyone about it. i think one person may suspect, but we only hang out like twice a week so..

i have self harmed and attempted suicide multiple times, have both mental breakdowns, and manic (?) breakdowns daily.

i have been sexually harassed more times then i care to count.

and never really told anyone all of this. i don't know what to do. i can't talk to anyone about, because my brain will tell mee so many things that boil down to you don't deserve help. i am at my limit.

theres a guy i like, and everyone says he likes me back, but in the past people have lied about it to make fun of me.

one time it even escalated to threats, and bullying, and i ultimately lost one of my best friends, but at that point, it wasn't even about the crush anymore.

so i don't trust that he likes me back, even though i trust the people who say he like me with my life.

because i don't deserve love.

anyways now i live in fear of being sexually assaulted again, also because for the past 3 generarations, the women of my family were sexually assaulted

anyway thats my trauma dump, love yall

[tap1rs]

feeling sorta. oogh. at least 40 to 50% is that I drove across literally half the state of california today and like a fool only stopped once. I did do it on a single tank of gas though so. that was neat. my knee was feeling... odd (not painful but also definitely not normal) until i took a naproxen

20% is stress about essays, but it will be okay. tomorrow I'm gonna spend at least an hour on each one's research

15% is it just clicked for me in the past hour that may is next month and early may is just gonna suck and / or be hard for me for the rest of my life I think. maybe there is a point where the month where you did in fact die a bit becomes idk. not as painful I guess. anyways I am currently feeling some pain that I will be feeling on and off during next month.

uh the rest is stuff like. ur childhood home changing and becoming unfamiliar while you are gone sucks. this is the fifth? time I've been back since I left for school and we have new kitchen cabinets and when I went to grab a bowl for dinner it took me three tries to open the right door. three tries to find a dish that I bought in a house I've lived in all (most) my life. the naproxen is in a different cabinet now too. part of me feels sort of silly about how much this is affecting me at this age.

also I guess some of it is second guessing grad school even though I love linguistics and want to continue studying it. a very small part of it is something imposture syndrome like but I am able to point to concrete things about why I've earned being there and how I am in fact good enough. (it helps that one of these things is "the dept chair is writing me a letter of recommendation"). most of it is like. I'm committing to spending at least two more years away from my family and that my moving away seems to have been more permanent than anyone, including myself, imagined. I have no (living) family up there (I learned uhhh I think it was last month that my great grandma was born a county over from where I go to school but only one of her truly numerous siblings ended up staying in the area - one of my dad's great aunts. the cemetery she is buried in is close enough to campus that I feel like I should make time to visit even though I truly do not remember her name. this reminds me i should talk to my dad tomorrow) and even though I've made some friends up there is still fairly. Shallow. I'm not the most social person. I am doing better with it and letting myself enjoy things and initating conversations and it's going really well. And then there is the fact that I am bit insecure about the fact that doing this means that I will be (both pushing and eventually) thirty in a college dorm room, especially because I don't have money to not have roommates. (I also think that it'd probably be bad for me mentally. I'd self isolate). And most ppl in the dorms are sooooo young. Even in the best case it's a bit weird. Like I get on with my roommates well but i am also undeniably an Adult in a way they aren't, even if i dont have my shit fully together.

Oh man I was feeling a bit better because I typed the sidebar below out of order and thinking about cool relatives who did these incredibly difficult things is helpful but now I am worried about money. I can't impose on my family for help financially outside of like. Living with them. Which is hard to do when they are literally half a state away. And ADHD means that I cannot do school and work at the same time, I have tried three times. (although I am interested in doing like. Grad student flavored work-study. Perhaps TAing. It might not go well but i do want to try). So my best case scenario is taking out student loans which was a scary prospect before (gestures). However there is quite literally nothing I can do about that. And somehow typing that helped a bit. And I need to go to bed it's after 1.

(this is a sidebar but I went down the family history rabbit hole trying to learn more about my dads great aunt ivy who is the coolest person I'm related to even if I never met her. when my dad was a baby she would only speak to him in spanish because she thought it was good for him, which she spoke because she was a nurse during the spanish civil war, along with two of her sisters. she gets the title of coolest relative though because she found out that her big shot doctor husband was cheating on her, and immediately filed for divorce and left the country to fight facism. she never remarried and her lifelong companion was a parrot who hated everyone but her)

[tranzdragon]

idk, i always had believed that i was the one making up that people dont notice when im not around. I always played with the idea of just ignoring my main group of friends from hs and seeing if anyone would reach out. Well, they didnt. They havent. Its been now 5 days since ive sent anything to any of them, and ive only received direct messages from ONE of them, but all of the messages are sent to multiple people. I havent not gotten any messages regarding my silence. Even after months of at least 5 daily snaps. It not even like they shouldnt have reason to worry. I have been talking about my disparities and the state of my life all the time! I should be someone to be worried about if you dont hear from me!

I get that people have things going on, I understand that. But i also have been someone who actively checks in with them! To see if THEYRE okay. I put everyone in front of me, and the people ive know the longest who should be aware of this... have not shown the interest in checking in on me.

I know this sounds selfish, but like im never fucking selfish. I am the last person on my mind. i dont want people to have to worry about me, but maybe there wouldnt be something to worry about if i had the same support i am giving to everyone else.

This isnt even about money. its about me actively trying to connect and communicate with the people in my life and if im not putting in 100% of the effort to hang out, we wont hang out! because no one is starting these conversations with me. I am always initiating conversation.

See, you may think that i never told anyone this. WRONG. I have brought this up forever, and i always get the same response of "oh thats just your brain" "you shouldnt assume that what your brain is telling you is the truth" "we love you and sometimes your brain is wrong."

Listen to me, i dont think that one day in 7th grade my brain decided that depression is a thing and i have now made up an entire world that hates me. THATS NOT WHAT HAPPENS. Non of this was new. 7th grade is just when i was old enough to understand there were biases against me. not just from the world around me, but from my closest relationships.

From a young age, my family would mock and comment on anything i did that was "too loud" and especially "not lady like" (but thats another story it just adds to this). There are videos from me being a kid, doing kids things, and my sisters acting like im ruining the video. The video that was being made randomly, and was not something you could ruin, because it was literally just recording us hanging out.

I have countless memories of being at parties and just having to stand in a corner or sit alone because everyone was just not involving me. Even at parties as a kid! Not just when i was drinking in hs! Despite being "too loud" i am always talked over. Even with friends i have made more recently, i am fully talked over in the middle of me explaining something. I am ignored for something more interesting. more funny. this doesnt happen just in groups either. my friends will straight up ignore what im saying to bring something new up.

This got off track. But the point is that i have some proof now that my friends are not actively thinking about me. They dont notice when someone that regularly messages them has ceased to message back.

I am now at a point where messaging them feelings wrong. I feel like i have to go on with this until someone messages me! How long could this go?

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

vent post, .. putting it under readmore cus its long.

sooo yeah, basically, idk waht to do with my life, and i feel like a burden in the sense that i cant provide for myself rn. i never talk about my living situation but i am almost 29 yrs old, unemployed and having to be supported by my friends cus my family is too poor to help me in any way. like i have to live with my friend’s parents which somehow feels even more pathetic than living w my own parents.. i mean ofc i am very grateful to them for helping me but the guilt racks up more n more each day. when i was 14 my mom told me, ok you’re old enough to work now so you have to get a job if you want literally anything for yourself that isn’t the bare essentials. u want anything other than canned soup for dinner? thats on u. so i got a job, at 14!!! i think back now and im like what the fuck. i was a child... but alas. i worked and worked, i was almost never unemployed my whole life after age 14, except for during 2020 pandemic, and these past few months.

work, work, work, i worked so many piece of shit jobs, i never went to school or anything, there were a few good jobs here n there but they’d always end up getting sabotaged by one of my bipolar episodes. a lot of times, when i was rly desperate, i wld resort to escorting, which i just fucking hated and have been put in a lot of compromising situations and ugh. yeah, what im GETTING at is, ive literally never had security in my life, ive never had resources, the past 15 or so years have been lived in survival mode, and 6 months ago i finally fucking crashed and burned. like, no, i fucking refuse to work anymore, im suicidal all the time, ive never been able to heal from anything that’s happend to me, i dont care if i die broke and alone, i just cant work these demeaning ass jobs anymore. im very grateful to my friedns who have been helping me not die since then, i try rly hard to live frugally, i only eat what i rly need, rarely treat myslef, etc etc.

but now its like, where do i go from here? i know i need to start thinking about generating income again and it makes me so fucking sick. all i can rly do is commissions, but i hate putting a price on art, its only fun to me when im doing it for free. i dont want it to stop being fun. i dont want it to be about money. im scared to try i guess. i definitely dont want to work another stupid job but i also just sit in the house all day and it feels unhealthy. i dont want to meet people, i dont want coworkers, hate putting myself out there cus i cant relate to anyone. hate watching them in real time slowly realize that theres something seriously wrong with me, its embarrassing. i just need something to do.. i dont have a car or anything, i dont even know how to drive because i always figured id be too poor to afford a car. and so far ive been correct about that.

i guess this post is pretty embarrassing too but oh well.. i figure at least on here some ppl can relate.. like fuck i cant even get a therapist to respond to me. everyone just keeps begging me to get therapy as if it will save me. im really lonely w all my feelings and memories. i feel like im in purgatory and all i can do is keep drawing pictures for ppl to enjoy and trying to post things that are uplifting so i can at least make someone elses day a little brighter. but i wish i had a plan or an answer or a real goal. i reallty really really want to be nothing.

[jennyyyeeettt]

stuff i learned more on the internet than irl

get a drink

you are unique, you are a part of the universe.

don't change, unless it's for the better and it makes you feel good

real friends care about you

what you need is more important than what you want

you write your own story, don't let others decide for you

there's no shame in being who you truely are, whoever doesn't respect that doesn't deserve your time

be proud of the little things you did bec. 5% is better than 0%

nothing lasts forever, so choose to "seize the day"//carpe diem boys//

if you are not where you are try to get there with plans and imaginatioins

imagine ur best self and show up as them

nothing is wrong with you, you are loved. bec there are many people in the world u didn't meet. and there's no way you are not someone's type

you are not ugly, u r just bored of ur face bec u see it everyday since you've been born and u hearedthe comments on it

stay nice or quiet, everyone has their battles

no mattar how much u think you are fucked up rn, months later things will change and u will forget about it

grief doesnt go away with time, time just teaches us to "deal with it"

just bec it doesn't hurt anyone, doesn't mean it's ok

karma is real, she just takes time and sometimes works secretly

romantic love isn't more important than platonic love

just bec someone is doing it, does't mean you HAVE to

if the story doesn't fit you, change something about it

being "private" is not the same as being "secretive" in relationships

before jumping to conclusions, ask and discuss, -with a good, none threatening tone-

love changes a person, even if it's not quickly

not being productive doesn't mean being worthless

being in a slump is not being lazy

everyone is an addict to something

treat yourself like you would a child every now and then and be a better parent to yourself

you are gorgeous anyways, so don't care what others say

if you fail, try again! it does't define you, it's not a part of u, it's like a game.. when a game says "game over" you just reply it

labels are so overrated, don't stress about it.. u do u

distance is a bitch, unless its distancing from toxic ppl and behaviours

love is not selfish love is understanding and comprimizing

saying i love you is not dangerous when its used with the right people

words of affermation ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT

a "hopeless case" is never "hopeless"

the person they called "useless", made someone's day and helped them through a tough life

life is short, take risks, tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. no time for being fake.

idk if i already said that but fake it till u make it fr fr bro

push yourself bec no one else will, but also be kind to yourself -very difficult balance- IF you read all that, i hope you at least saw a thing that was helpful, I learned them literally from the internet (friends and communities and all) and I've been doing that for the past 2 years and they work with me, i didnt realize them at first but being a bit of a self critic i realized these stuff, even people now started to point it out. me and one of my fav internet bsff realized how we changed over the years and talking to their mom she also noticed it and its just so great to see how we both affected eachother and encouraged eachother to be better ... nothing is better than to find a home in yourslef .. doesnt mean it doesnt get tough sometimes, doesnt mean that i dont struggle with anything, but we are all humans, overall all we do is change and grow and its either to the best or not, it gets hard, but good relationships fixes the broken parts over time .. im so grateful for my family aka my internet besties :3 its 5 30 am and i need to sleep .. got a bit emotional lol :') hope yall have a good day/night take care

[mariaiscrafting]

ahhhh ty ty ty <3

ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.

he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:

• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.

let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo

my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.

• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)

(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2

pt. 2:

Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2

Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):

Speed of Dream's rise to fame

The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase

Post-MCC HBomb stream

Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans

Manipulation & RSD

Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand

The “just a dude” argument, flipped

First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.

Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.

Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.

Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.

Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.

Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.

I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.

Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.

Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.

[cant-think-of-anything]

Gideon: do I need to remind you how I proposed to your mother? Spare me

BUT ALSO EXACTLY THAT

YOU PUT IT IN WORDS

Thomas problem isnt that he doesnt have a support system, its that hes scared to use the support system

While Alastairs support system is in LITERAL SHAMBLES rn and he is all alone

And if for months all you've heard is that you are a horrible person

And you dont have anyone to disprove you of that

Why would he push above his self doubt and believe he deserves to be happy?

Theyre really similar people they just dont admit it cause yeah

Also yeah necklace rings are so cool

Okay we're organizing this one into happy and sad:

Thomas probably believes that his problems don't compare to the rest of his friends. I'm sure he loves his friends but the merry thieves don't seem like the type of friend group to seek him out and ask if he's okay. A big source of Thomas's grief and self destructivness is Barbara and he wasn't even allowed to really mourn her? We never got a funeral scene with them, his family left to go to Idris and his friends just check up on him once and leave? Like his sister just died? So while he has a large support group he denied his actual emotions for so long that he feels like they don't compare and they aren't important enough to discuss it

Alastairs support system is non-existent. Like it isn't even a thing. Idk if he even knows what one is. The list of people who would be there for him is short: Sona, Cordelia and Thomas. No other family no friends. Sona- while I love her- doesn't handle her family issues well, placing the majority of it on her son. And Alastair has been taking that burden for so long. So Alastair can't rely on her for support. Cordelia has been more reliable but she still doesn't really help. She's focused on other things and she doesn't understand the sit fully. And Thomas: that's just not a thing that's happening apparently

Gideon! He probably sees the ring and is like?? Carstairs?? Alastair correct? And at this point Alastair has already told sophideon about what he's done and Gideon likes him very much. So when Thomas is like "haha what??? Lol I would never" Gideon is like: at least talk to your mother to get advice. If you're anything like me Lord knows you need it

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Hi, thank for doing this and for hopefully not minding the other ask i sent, im hoping for a dude.

Qualities:

Loyalty, encouraging, very family oriented.

flaws:

on my phone too much, mostly to keep my hands busy, i AM paying attention! An awful sweet tooth. Push over :( i dont wanna disappoint people. Ask me to get you a cup of water and i’ll say no like im offended while getting you that water.

lots of half baked hobbies, i dont stay on one thing for long (crocheting, perler beads, little crafty stuff, rpg games, i do DO them just with long pauses between them)

lazy, i dont like cleaning but will help and willingly do the dishes.

i have no problem laughing at myself and have thick skin for it, once my friend  spent an hour telling me how my fav sweater was so ugly a thrift store would pay me to give it to them out of pity and it was THE funniest thing and did not stop me from loving that sweater.

Really just love to appreciate art and fiction, what people can make is amazing just watching my friends draw or paint is really cool and fascinating!

Im a bit spacey, one time i forgot what a higfive was and gave them a hand hug instead.

Anothing thing is i cant be anyones drinking buddy, i dont drink or smoke, tho i dont mind people who do.

I’d like:

Someone whos comfortable with a lot of casual physical affection but wont get offended or take it personally when i need to be alone (not in a sad way just in a recharge way)

i dont use makeup ever and will not be told to dress up when i dont want to but i will accept help and suggestions when i do want to dress up. 

Cannot under any circumstances throw away or replace my stuff without talking to me first.

Any dude i end up with is gonna have to deal with my hoarding, cute boxes, random items, old trinkets, boy we’re going THRIFTING and im re organizing the Collection of random items i like, possible that WE like 😳

Really like cats but believe they need to be indoors so you GOTTA have good enrichment for them. Dogs are great i just dont think id have the energy to take them for runs or walks as much as most dogs need. 

I really like soups, soups with wantons and dumplings are pretty good to!

hope this isnt too much stuff??? would have used asks but only let me use like, less than 400 characters which is less than from other asks you posted so idk what thats about. anyways, thanks again!

___________________________________________

Hi !

It was a very difficult one, with lots of possibilities. For the other potential candidates, you had : UT Sans, UT Asgore, HT Sans, HF Sans, Dancetale Sans, D!Papyrus... But a very surprising one managed to beat them all, and it's...

DUSTALE SANS (Dune) !

Well, Dune is not an easy guy. You're not always understanding how his brain works, but at least, every day is an interisting experience.

Dune is very loyal. It takes literal months to gain his trust, but once he is trusting you, he can put his life in your hands blindly. He is lazy too, and you can sometimes mistake him for a cat with his weird habits. He needs encouragement to know when something he's doing is right, because after what happened Underground he has a very low self-esteem. He doesn't mind you being family oriented, even if you can see there's sometimes a small light that shuts in his eyes when you're talking about siblings. He's fine with your need to keep your mind busy, as long as he can just lay down in the couch and don't do anything during this time.

He has some difficulties with the push-over thingy however, since it's something Frisk did with him for a long time and he can get defensive when it happens. He has a sweet teeth too and loves eating garbage food. He has a certain sense of humor made of jokes about blood and corpses, but lighter jokes might makes him think of new soft ones. He's fine with creative activities, despite being bad at it. He is very forgetful and will need constant reminders of where to put things, because he gives up easily when he does'nt find something.

No worry for the affectionnate part. Dune has weird ways to show affections, like bringing you dead mouses like a cat, but he doesn't mind napping in your arms if it's what you wants. He understands if you need space, no problem, he can use this time to wander in the woods like the weirdo he is. He doesn't borrow things. However, there's a high chance you find him sometimes sleeping in your wardrobe. It's technically not borrowing your clothes if they are still in the wardrobe.

He's fine with cats, but it will take some time to explain him to not hunt the cat down. Once this phase is done, they are best buddies and you'll find them in all of his nap spots together. He's ok with soup. Well, he's ok with most of food actually (except spaghettis, for obvious reasons). He's a food vacuum, don't let anything on sight or he's taking it.

It's a bit of challenge, but Dune can be a great partner if you take time to learn how he is working !