#me when i had maracas as a kid

[the44magnumisamonster]

[ramons-elevator]

*SLAMS HANDS ON DESK*

FUCKING PHILS POV

Everything about his POV was bone chilling holy shit. Also fucking shoutout to the admins for picking Chayanne and Tallulah bc that was a really smart move.

For some context for those who arent Philza watchers:

Tallulah and Chayanne obey Phil. Yes they can be divas sometimes and be dumb and silly, but they arent like their siblings like Dapper and Richas who will just be dramatic and do dumb and dangerous stuff when their parents dont feel 100% okay with it. They will throw a fit but still be respectful of Phil’s word.

Phil said multiple times to them, especially Tallulah, to not go to the dinner no matter what. That as soon as it hits 2pm PST, they get tucked into bed and they can wake up after if they want. Chay and Lullah both agreed bc they both fear dying. Tallulah wants to see her dad and Chayanne knows how hard his dad works to make sure they are safe.

Let me fucking tell you how creepy it was seeing Tallulah walk into the dinner.

Phil immediately questioned her and was like “what the fuck you doing? We both agreed you would stay in bed.” and when ‘Tallulah’ just stared at him and shook her maracas, you could feel the air still.

Personally, it felt like a bucket of ice water got dumped on me. Phil literally froze. Because thats not fucking Tallulah. Tallulah is calculated, gentle, and slow moving. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner was shaking her maracas without a care in the world, running around. Also Tallulah will talk to Phil and they check in on each other. The ‘Tallulah’ at the dinner didnt put down a sign once.

Then as Phil was realizing that Tallulah wasn’t Tallulah, then ‘Chayanne’ comes in. At this point Phil realized that both ‘Tallulah’ and ‘Chayanne’ dont have cracks. Phil straight up looks at ‘Chayanne’ and says “You are fake, you arent my son.” Also same thing with Tallulah, Chayanne and Phil check in with each other. They are a well oiled machine. Phil knows Chayanne like the back of his hand and vise versa.

To be fair, Chayanne isnt an egg of many words. He likes action and just nods/shakes of his head when talking. If need be he will place a sign down, but he doesnt talk as much as Tallulah. So it isnt hard to impersonate him.

But the second, ‘Chayanne’ started punching Phil was again bone chilling. Chayanne rarely hits Phil, maybe once or twice from the top of my head. Again, Chay and Lulah are very respectful of Phil. If they need his attention, they do other ways. They dont hit.

And thats when Phil let Fit know that something was wrong. Those werent his kids. That they are fakes. Around that time, Phil runs home and sees that his actual kids are sleeping. He takes a photo, runs back, and fucking shows ‘Chayanne’. Phil lets the fakes know that he knows and he doesnt give a shit.

At some point, Phil and Fit talk again and ‘Chayanne’ runs up and tries to take the photo from Phil. Phil basically said fuck off and went back to his seat.

The part I find so fucking eerie was that Fit and ‘Chayanne’ had a lil talk. ‘Chayanne’ put down a sign that said something along the lines of “My dad doesnt love me anymore”.

That sign literally made me start to freak out because thats the fucking last thing the real Chayanne thinks. The real Chayanne knows that his dad loves him to death. That Phil would burn this server to the ground if anything bad happened to Chayanne. Chayanne knows that Phil does everything in his power to keep his son alive. He knows how much Phil worries about him and Tallulah (both the characters and the admins).

Going back to what I said at the start, the admins were so fucking smart for picking Chayanne and Tallulah to be the ‘Code eggs’.

People outside of Phil, Fit, Bad, and maybe Forever/Cellbit dont really spend time with Chayanne and Tallulah. Yes, other people do care after them and know them, but they really dont know their mannerisms and quirks. They dont know that Tallulah only shakes her Maracas when she is very excited or have something to say. They dont know that, while Chayanne can be hyper, he usually is very obedient and stays close to Tallulah when he can.

So putting them in a party where the attention isnt on them 100% time is so smart. They can run around and people dont think about it. They just see two eggs running around and having fun. They dont know how wrong it is to see them like that.

Then when the ‘Code eggs’ made themselves known, Phil got kicked. Again very smart from the admins because no one wanted to kill ‘Chayanne’ and ‘Tallulah’ even though they were obviously Codes. Even Fit, who Phil told over and over again that those arent his kids, hit the Codes once or twice but stopped because he didnt wanna take that risk. No one wanted to take the chance of hurting an egg. It gave the ‘Code eggs’ time to kill Charlie and try to kill others.

But the second Phil joins back, he is screaming that those arent his kids and to kill them. That they were impostors. Even then, they let Phil kill the Code eggs.

Then when Code Tallulah died, everyone stepped back and let Phil 1v1 Code Chayanne.

Im so impressed with the admins and the people who played the fake Chayanne and Tallulah. They did such a good job of putting a spear of ice through my heart. 100/10 Bravo

[rootspiral]

Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 5

(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])

(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][+1] ep5 [1][2][3][4][5] ep6 [1][2][3] ep7 [1][2][3][4][5][6] ep8 [1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8][9] ep9 [1][2][3][4][5][6])

alice so hesitant at the piano

lol even the harpy thought it was shitty for agatha to snatch the main role

✨emoting through the pain✨ you know this dramatic bitch is living for it. and isn't it funny how she knows all the lyrics to lorna's ballad? oh wait not funny I meant painful and devastating.

rio honey it's just cymbals, you're not at coachella

no who am I kidding. you're doing amazing sweetie!!

GIRL.

I know this is cathartic for alice and all, but maybe they could have found a way to make it a tad less dramatic? help her out a little bit? huh, agatha????!?!

that's what I'm saying!! lol she's playing the triangle now

I told you rio can see it!

did I make a separate entry for the song so I can screenshot all the funny faces patti's making? yes, yes I did

and then alice just naturally replaces agatha at the lead? and her voice is so beautiful?? and she's crying and putting all her immense heart and soul into it????

my heart

patti at the maracas!

what in the george a. romero is that

you could go to therapy to learn how to recognize and fight the trauma that shaped your life. or you could do whatever this is.

ooh mama's angry

oh she's fierce. is it just me or is it hot right now? not talking about the literal fire

so cheesy. i llllove it

lol agatha was on the floor doing a grand finale and nobody watched it because alice was outperforming her. and lilia with the tambourine

and this kids is why you tell your mom right away about the gaping wound you got from a metaphorical harpy and you don't let it bleed until you pass out

just... look at agatha in all her deep seated trauma

the way she barks at lilia

the way she begs, she literally begs rio. don't take him away from me again.

and rio looks at her. intrigued, surprised. hurt. and she takes a step back.

"vulnus ab aqua curare", curing the wound with water. when nicky died, agatha was alone. she didn't have a potion witch with her. nobody had ever taught her any healing spells.

“Three of swords.” heartbreak, sorrow, grief. future!lilia witnesses the most devastating tarot yet

the way she looks at jen when the spell works

lilia's soft, oh so soft voice when she says, jennifer, look what you did.

a healer being a healer, no matter what.

the way agatha looks at rio, who didn't take the boy. not this time.

pointing at the saddest most pathetic soaking wet rat of a character: there she is, the love of my life

you guys know what comes next. see ya tomorrow!

go to episode 4 part 6

[mattsfavbigtitties]

Blind, Deaf and Mute Challenge/ Sturniolo Triplets

Warning: Cussing, purely platonic, playful flirting, Implied chrisxreader, finger sucking.

MASTERLIST TAGLIST

A/n: ngl this took SOOO long🥲 playlist y/n has

Summery: You join the triplets in a blind, deaf and mute baking video.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

“Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, da-da. Gitchie, gitchie, ya-ya, here.” The video starts with you in front of the camera doing the sprinkler dance.

“Get out the way bitch!” Nick comes into focus and pushes you around the frame. “So, it’s been a good enough gap between the last blind, mute, and deaf challenge. We decided to do it again!” Nick says as he does jazz hands while walking behind the table.

You and the boys go ahead and play rock, paper, scissors to debate which person gets what. Matt and Chris went and Matt won, so he picked mute.

Then Chris and Nick went and Nick won, so he picked deaf which made the youngest mad. Chris had to pick blind, leaving you to choose. You had a fear of the dark and you speak a lot of nonsense, in conclusion you picked to be deaf. And it’s not as bad as the other two because you get to listen to your favorite songs.

Afterwards, everyone put on their respective gear which were the headphones and bandanas. A problem you had to figure out because you left yours in Nick’s room, so you went to run up real quick.

When you get to the ground floor you’re focused on connecting your headphones to your phone. Right before you place them on your head you hear a grunt and something stumble to the floor.

“Matt fucking gut punched me.” Nick stands up slowly and bends over holding onto his stomach with a grimace on his face. You start laughing to yourself as you put your headphones on fully and go to stand behind the table along with the other three crazy kids.

“Y’all, I can’t hear shit.” You slammed your hands on the wood table in front of you as your southern side came out. “Y’all.” Chris mocked a foreign country voice, laughing at you. “I saw your mouth move, bitch! I know you being rude, you fucking hoe!” You shouted out at Chris who only laughed harder in response and flopped himself on the table.

As Matt and Nick get the cupcake pans, measurements and the bowl for the batter, you get the eggs out of the fridge. All while Chris stands there looking like a total doofus, in your eyes.

“What are we doing, Nick? Aye!” Chris hollers, looking for an answer back, shaking his head around to hear anything as you dance around with the eggs in your hands shaking them like maracas. Matt shoves Nick who was in La La Land dancing around.

“AH! Don’t touch me bitch, ew, gross.” Nick backed up into the fridge raising his hands in surrender. Matt slaps him multiple times to get his point across while exaggeratingly pointing his hand towards Chris.

You move around them, putting the eggs in the metal bowl Nick set down while bobbing your head to a beat in your ears.  “Nobody wants to see us together, but it don’t matter, no. ‘Cause we gon’ fight, oh yes, we gon’ fight.” You sing softly, placing one hand on both Matt and Nick’s shoulder looking between both of them.

Matt shakes his head walking away to help Chris. “OHH! Chris, are you ready?!” Nick shouts, finally getting what the hand movements meant.

“Yeah! Hello?!” Chris replied, waving his hands around in show. “We’re making cupcakes, Chris!” Nick shouts again, chucking the whisk that was held in his hand just a few seconds prior beside the bowl.

“Damn, took you long enough.” Chris sighed in exaggeration as he felt around for the box of cake mix. Once in his hands, he rips open the box in many pieces and throws it away behind him.

Which landed absolutely everywhere making Matt groan and you laugh who saw the whole thing while Nick was faced the sink dancing again, in his own world. NIck walks back to the table, still dancing and singing of course, just as Chris once again rips open the clear bag of cake mix, feeling around for the bowl and dumping the powder into it.

Next thing you know, you see Chris throw the empty bag to his right, hitting Nick right in the face with leaving him to splutter about, waving his hands around in dramatic effect. “PFFT” Nick blows raspberries, face morphed into disgust with wild eyes as he shoves Chris’ shoulder.

“GOD! I’m right here, you idiot! Can’t you se-oh my God I forgot.” He pops his lips and looks around with his eyes avoiding Matt’s accusing stare. You ignore them, looking into the distance behind the camera while nodding your head to the beat that plays inside your headphones.

Nick takes the bag that landed on the ground and throws it in the trash can. Matt groans, realizing he had to put the box pieces back together to read the instructions.

He sees you in his sight first and hits you on your shoulder multiple times to get your attention. “HUH?” Your eyes widen a bit, trying to get your ears to listen, but it’s useless as Matt can’t even speak.

He gestures to the piece of cardboard in his hand and then points to you, then points again to the floor signaling he wants you to look for the others.

“WhAT?!” You shout, extending your arms in an ‘I don’t know’ pose. Matt sighs heavily and proceeds to exaggerate his previous movements with more umph. You gasp loudly as you finally understand what he’s trying to say.

“OHH, OKAY. I’LL FIND EM!” You point your pointer finger at the ceiling with a confident look on your face. He quickly made a shushing motion with his finger at you.

“Ohhh, whoopsies.” You whisper back leaning in and place the same finger from the air to your lips in an agreement and go crawling on the floor looking for any other cardboard scraps. Matt looked around with furrowed brows and shook his head, weirded out with you crawling on the floor, paying attention to the other two who were currently running around the table.

While Matt takes care of them, you crawl around on all fours looking for the reminisce of the box, also while avoiding the crazy men running around up top. Soon enough you found enough to make out the instructions and everything needed.

You stand up quickly from behind the camera, where one piece had surprisingly been, scaring Nick in the process.

”A-OH, my God!” Nick started laughing at himself. Resulting in Matt stifling a laugh and you bursting out loud laughing, walking over to the middle child and handing him all the cardboard pieces from the ground.

“OKAY, what is fucking happening!?” Chris shouted, asking what all the commotion and laughing was from as he stood behind the table with his hands fiddling with the bottom of his tank top.

“Woah! I could hear that. Good thing my song was changing, damn.” Nick shook his head and moved the whisk away from the bowl.

“We’re going to start now, okay!?” Nick shouted as the music started playing again. “Sheesh, finally.” Chris raised his hands in exasperation and started reaching for the bowl and eggs.

Nick went in to go for a high five with Matt after he moved the whisk. “Matt, you can see that I'm going for a high five, no?” Nick smacked his lips together wiggling his hand that’s currently in the air while Matt just stares at it.

All while you’re listening to Low, so while you sing, “Them baggy sweatpants and the reebok with the straps. She turned around and gave that big booty a slap.”

You slap Nick's booty that was to your right. “She hit the floor. Next thing you know, shawty got low, low-” You start squatting and slapping his ass repetitively.

“AAH, Y/n stop that, what the fuck are you doing, girl?” Nick turned around smacking your hands away quickly, like lightning, giving you a death glare.

You nervously smiled in response, getting up and walking behind Chris, using him as a barrier. Nick points suspiciously at you and gets back to helping Chris get the oil.

After repeating ‘Yas queen’ every time Chris poured the oil professionally in the measuring cup, Chris chuckled into laughter every time, Chris dumped the oil into the bowl. Now onto the next step, the eggs, the difficult job.

“The eggs next!!” You yelled into Chris’ ear as you repelled out from behind Matt with strong retribution. While you help Chris put the eggs into the cup, he keeps flailing his arms.

“I only call you when it’s half-past fiv-OW BITCH!” You sing as you sidestep to try and get away from him, you get smacked right in the boob.

You start hitting him back and he smacks you back, so you guys are just standing there having a girl slapping fight.

“What the fuck is happening oh my gosh. STOP, You fucking minions!” Nick got in the middle of it, spacing his hands towards each of your chests trying to stop both of your hands. Chris turned around to the table in front of him again muttering about how it was all your fault and that you started it.

As Chris finished getting all the eggs in the bowl along with the oil and powder, Matt put all the egg shells into the measuring cup, going to throw it in the garbage. Nick saying something stupid of course and dancing around in his way equaling to Matt jiggling the cup up and the shells aimed at Nick’s chest, making him scream in disgust.

“Are you fucking kidding me, your disgusting!” Nick picks a shell off the floor and throws it back at Matt. Matt’s response to that is to run after Nick, resulting in a chase around the table.

While Matt is chasing around Nick, Chris is lost as fuck at what he’s hearing and you’re just singing and putting all your emotions in the song. “Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?! Well, that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.”

“What the fuck is going on?” Chris is just so confused standing next to the fridge rearranging his blindfold.

Nick walks past ready to stop the chase and Matt throwing more egg shells at him. “Matt fucking chased me and now i’m covered in fucking baby chicken.” The aggravation in Nick’s voice has Chris as he asks ��What?” in surprise.

Chris pushes the nearest person to his right, that being Nick and he stumbles over into your stature behind him just a singin’ away, leading to you falling for real and getting up quickly singing the Trolls song.

“If you knock, knock me over. I will get back up again, oh.”

Nick shouting sorry at you as you walk away to clean up the thrown egg shells everywhere while Matt tends to helping Chris get the water from inside the fridge. Nick comes over to them watching carefully how much water is being poured in the measuring cup.

You come back from the trash can to Nick yelling at Chris to hold the cup straight. “Hold it flat. Flat!. FLAT!” Nick’s face is practically in the cup as he looks at the numbers written on it.

Matt helps move the bowl under where Chris’ hand was with the cup. “Pour it, baby girl!” Trying to be quiet with your words, you felt Matt's slaps as Nick was singing Melanie Martinez again by the sink.

“M’kay.” After he poured the water in, you saw him patting his hands around for the whisk. You thought of a brilliant idea to play a trick on him and the best view for the fans to see.

You reach for the whisk that's near the camera on the table and put it where if you had one your dick would be.You grabbed his hand and brought it to the utensil so it looks like he’s touching your dick.

While Chris was mixing the batter with Matt helping occasionally, Nick decided to have a dance break. You saw it from the corner of your eye and wanted to join him.

Next thing you know you were shaking it real bad while “Country girl” was playing in your headphones. As your dance break was coming to an end as the other two boys finished mixing, the song came to your favorite part, the chorus.

“Country girl, shake it for me, girl, shake it for me, girl, shake it for me.” You sang the part while shaking your ass. “Get it queen, slay!!” Nick shouted even if you couldn’t hear, hyping you up by flinging his finger around in the air towards you.

As Chris just finished mixing he got the batter all over his hands. “Nick, I need a towel please.” he reached his hands out to feel for the other man and in the process came in contact with nicks shirt, so he just wiped his hands off with that.

Nick screamed and swiped at his brother's hands away. “Get away! What the fuck, Chris?!” He holds his hands out in front of him in a way to protect himself from the ugly monster hands.

“Like he’s coming at me with gross hands. Like get a towel or something.” Nick then realizes what he said and slaps his hand on his mouth in shock, cackling at himself.

“Oh my God, am I stupid. I’ll get you a towel buddy don’t worry.” He patted Chris’ head as said man replies with mumbles.

He went around the two boys and you who were just standing, leaning against the stove singing along to a random song. Nick comes back to Chris with a napkin in hand, still giggling and smiling as Chris just grins at his idiotic brother.

As soon as Chris wipes his hands off Nick goes back to practically yelling the Melenie lyrics flowing through his headphones. “Not it off, fucker!” Chris yells at him. And of course Nick can’t hear so Matt smacked Nick a couple times, Chris doing the same, reaching for him around in his little bubble.

“Like a priest behind the-” Nick runs around to the opposite end of the table, Chris chasing after, being careful of falling.

While the two boys are running in circles, you move beside Matt as one of your favorite songs is playing through your ears. Causing you to grab onto Matt’s shoulders, shaking them back and forth as you put your face right up to his, your nose almost touching his cheek as his head faced the rascals.

“But I ain’t promiscuous and if you were suspicious, all that shit is fictitious, I blow kisses. Muahh!” Then you kiss Matt’s cheek while Matt side eyes you and the camera the whole time, him used to your random shenanigans.

Next would be to pour the batter in the pans and cook the cupcakes finally. You go through their cabinets real fast finding the pam spray for the cupcakes to not stick to the pan.

“Got the pam, my kings. Time for a lubing experience!” You held up the pam to the ceiling, shaking it around for the boys to see, except Chris of course. You came over beside Chris, turning him to face the camera and table while still holding the bottle, Chris fiddling with his hands.

“I’m gonna guide your hands, baby girl. You’re going to spray the pam on the pan, okay?!” You slightly yell in Chris’ ear as for him to hear you properly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and laughed quietly, jerking his head back a bit to escape your sudden ambush. You glance at Matt for permission to start, he scratches his forehead in response, sighing quietly into his bandana.

You smile brightly with all your teeth as you take Chris’ hands and shove the spray bottle in them, making sure to face the nozzle to the pans. Matt walks over to take one of the muffin pans in his hands to hold out for Chris to spray them with your help.

You feel a bump to your back and your hips hit the table making you yelp, turning around to scold Nick who was laughing while saying sorry over and over while waving his hands around repeatedly.

“When should I spray, Matt-I mean Y/n, fuck.” You rolled your eyes paying attention to the other boys.

“Spray now, pretty boy.” You finally got your voice to a nice volume, Matt raised a brow at the name as Chris pressed down on the nozzle

“Oh! My God-” You yelped again, this time from the shooting pam getting all over the table and on Matt's hand holding the pan. After Matt moved around the pan for the butter to get into every hole the best he could with you helping the blind man move his hands around, he motioned for you to grab the pan on your side.

“Stop real quick! Oh my goshyyy.” You drag out your words as you move to grab the muffin pan and shove it in the air in front of the nozzle at a decent space away.

“Alright spray away.” Just as he pressed the sprayer down the butter came in contact with your hand holding the pan, you just stared with a blank face making the :[ lips in disappointment. “You got your jizz on me, fucking whore. What the fuck.” You shot a stare at Matt as you moved Chris’ hand to the empty spots in the pan, you watched Matt wipe his hands on Nick’s back as he danced past him in his own world.

You moved your eyes and paid more attention to Chris again as you saw there was enough on the pan. “Stop! No more, man.” You sat the pan on the table moving them directly in Chris’ sight-if he didn’t have the blindfold on.

You watch Chris try his best(fail) to put the bottle correctly on the table upright, all it ended up doing was falling and rolling to the very end of the table near the camera.

“You’re doing great, Chris. “ You sigh, holding out your buttered hand in front of you, freezing in place not knowing where to go as Nick was dancing right behind you and Chris and Matt were to the left of you.

“You don’t sound very proud though, Y/n.” Chris chuckled, setting both his hands on the table leaning up against it waiting for directions. You hummed, hearing him as the song was changing at that time. Don’t worry, baby, you really did great for a blind guy. “ You pat his head with your non buttered hand as you came to the conclusion, very fast, to turn around and wipe your hands on Nick also, resulting in him seeing this time what was on your hands and screaming dramatically like always.

“AHH, what the fuck, you bitch! You got some kind of fucking cum all over your fingers! Get away from me, oh my God!!” Nick retreated backwards with a traumatized look on his face shoving your hands away from his shirt.

“Boys call you sexy and you don’t care what they say…hehe” you sing softly and giggle menacingly, wiggling your brows in faux suggestion. Nick screwed his lips up and backed away towards the other side of Chris where Matt looked with wide eyes between you two.

You face the camera giving a show(dance) as you put your right hand on your chest “When I grow up-”, then point to the ceiling while your other hand rests on your hip. “-I wanna be famous. I wanna be a star. I wanna be in movies.” You bring both hands under your chin with your palms facing up while you bob your head back and forth. 

“When I grow up-” You once again put your right hand on your chest then point to the ceiling while your other rests on your hip. “-I wanna see the world. Drive nice cars. I wanna have groupies.” This time you bring your hands to your mouth and blow kisses left and right while bobbing your head.

After your stunning performance, you join Chris’ right side again while Matt is holding Nick back while he rants about where the trays are. You went ahead to help Chris get the batter in the trays. You put your hands on top of his as you start to pour the batter with him into the first pan.

“Oh, when you walk by every night, talking sweet and looking fine.“ You start singing ‘Fantasy’ while you guide him for the batter into the correct holes as he sings with you a little bit.

“I get kinda hectic inside. Mm, baby I’m so into you. Darling, if you only knewww.” Chris joins in with a fond smile on his lips as you guide the bowl up to stop the flow of the batter and move to hold the second pan underneath the bowl, letting Chris resume pouring the thick liquid.

“YAS, YAS QUEEN.” Nick hypes you up while you hold the tray up and help get batter in the muffin holes. Matt, to the left of Chris once more, helps with the silicone spatula, moving the batter stuck to the sides to the direction the bottom of the bowl is faced.

 After Matt practically cleaned the bowl with the scraper tool, you set the pan beside the first one on the table and took the bowl from Chris to put in the sink as Nick told him to take off his blindfold finally.

You turned around from putting water in the bowl to the top and saw the three boys without their bandanas or headphones on and pouted walking over while taking your headphones off.

“You bitch! You didn't tell me we’re done, you fucking loser ass whore.” You slapped Nick on the shoulder closest to you and Nick’s pained yell cut off right as the screen cut to when the cupcakes were done.

Chris comes towards the stove with the camera right as Nick turns around. “Oh my God, I thought you were gonna attack me.” Nick gasps, eyes wide, holding his chest with one hand while the other holds an oven mitt from when he just took the pans from inside it. Matt was to the left of Nick as were you to Matt, Chris behind the camera obviously.

“You whore, you almost gave Nick a heart attack. “ You move to slap Chris playfully, but he moves backwards in time already anticipating your move. You gasp dramatically in offense bringing both hands tight to your chest in faux anguish.

“Don’t mind him Y/n, he’s just being a booty licker.” Nick pats your shoulder as Matt and Chris go into shock, their mouths agape in revelation to what Nick had said.

“Anyway! Back to the cupcakes.” You redirect their attention to the pans with tiny yellow cakes in them by presenting your hand towards the oven top where they lay.

“Like th-the c-cupcake itself looks very warm and fluffy..” Chris points the camera up close to the cupcakes, already letting go of the forgotten words said previously. “Like the c-c-c-cupcake itself.” Matt taunts, mocking Chris.

“Shut the fuck up.” Chris giggles. Nick suddenly gasps and holds up a fully burnt piece of batter with his tooth pick, showing it to the three of you and the camera. “I will actually venmo you a hundred dollars if you eat this.”

“For real, bitch? You're not kidding?” You ask shockingly. ”A hundred twenty dollars to eat this.”He says looking you straight in the eyes.

“I’d need cash, five hundred.” Chris chimes in from behind the camera.

“Hey man, free money.” You shrug your shoulders, pushing Chris out your way to the stove top, grabbing Nick’s wrist and making him put the black, burnt piece of practically char into your mouth.

“Jesus, lady. A little too sexy for me.” Nick speaks as Matt and Chris look horrified as they watch you eat it with a soured face while shaking your head back and forth like a wiggle worm. All three of them start laughing loud as you shoving them away and quickly speed walk to the fridge where there was your body armor you brought over.

You chug down most of the drink, all while Chris films up close to your face. You slam the bottle on the table breathing heavily from not taking a breath drinking. “So how was it Y/n? Was it the yummiest thing you ever ate?” Matt laughs smugly, rubbing your back with one hand.

“Send it, Nick.” You sigh, shaking your hands ferociously with the shiver that went down your spine. “Alright, we’ll be back for the frosting of the cupcakes.” Matt pushed the camera away.

“For the CUPCAKES, YAY!” Nick squeaks out as he does jazz hands above your head from behind you. “YAAHOO” You squeal back in a yoshi voice, back to your old self in a matter of moments, shoving your forehead to the camera lens.

“Nah, no transitions babe-” Just then the camera cuts off Chris’ voice to you and the boys standing behind the table, each with a cupcake plated in front of you.

“We’re all gonna decorate one cupcake fully blindfolded. Lemme get all the supplies.” Nick says, walking around you to grab the sprinkles and icings by the sink counter.

Soon enough everyone had a blindfold on, Chris having to help you to not get your hair caught in it. First thing you roamed your hands around for was the small tub of white icing.

Thankfully finding and using it before anyone else got to it. You took the butter knife from the table, scooping what you thought was only a little, but ended up being a whole lot of icing on your cupcake where you made sure it was right under it.

After practically using the whole tub, you reached for some sprinkles, lifting a hand to peak out your blindfold for the pink one and seeing all the icing on your cake.

You suck your lips in and widen your eyes, pulling the bandana back over your eyes, continuing to open the sprinkle top. You proceeded to just twist the whole top off, pouring most of them in once again.

“Where the fuck is the fucking icing?! I’ve been searching for hours!” You hear Chris from your left groan in despair. You giggle quietly, hearing him slap his hands against the table fumbling around to find the icing. “Hey! Mister, that's mine.” You call out as Chris hits against your plate, making a scratching sound from all your sprinkles.

“Womp womp.” He mocks at you as he accidentally touches the very bottom of your stomach while reaching around.

"Chris stop! You’re literally touching my puss, you fucking dumbass!” You screech out, moving backward, flailing your hands out to push him away from him barely touching your pubic bone.

“WOOAAH, WOAHH!!” Nick shouts in horror and shock with his mouth agape.

“Not in the kitchen, guys.” You can practically see Matt’s smirk from your far left in front of you.

“Well I COULDN’T FUCKING FInd it!” Chris yells, flapping his hands against his thighs in aggression, his voice lowering in pitch due to your laugh shushing. “I had it alright damn. Chill out pretty boy.” You move up to the table again, finding the icing more by Nick than you, but who cares and handing it to the pouting man.

After the explosion everything went pretty fast as you four quit talking, focusing on making your cupcakes beautiful. “Dude I got frosting on my face, ugh.” Chris groaned, taking off his blindfold.

“That’s fine baby, I’ll lick it off ya.” You smirked, already having your blindfold off. “WOAH, AGAIN?!” Nick shouts, taking his off also, seeing Matt with his off too.

“Aww, I wanted blue. Oh! It matches my shirt!” He wiggles. “Wait! I thought I used this? Ohh I forgot to cut the tip off” Nick groans while Chris sucks the icing off his hands and Matt picks at his, wiping it on his pants.

“Oh my God, I tried to use that to make a smiley face. WAAH” You fake cry, heading to the sink to wash your hands and drag Chris along too. In the background of the video, fans could see you and Chris whispering while washing hands behind where Matt and Nick were inspecting their(and yours) cupcake designs. In the corner Chris speaks quietly to you.

“So, you really wanna lick it off?” With raised brows he whispers. You decide not to answer with words, but in action.

You took the non wet hand of his and made sure Chris’ back was hiding it from the camera, taking his pinky that was covered in white frosting slowly into your mouth. The whole time your eyes were locked on his own.

You sucked hard, rubbing the finger with your tongue, trying to get all the icing off in one go. You slowly removed the pinky, so as to not make too much noise.

Once it was fully out, you saw a little white still on the left side and moved your tongue out to lick at it. When finished, you pull his hand under the running water faucet, squirting soap on him as you hear him let out a deep breath.

In the end yours kinda looked like Chris’, all pink sprinkles and so so so much icing. You take a bite of yours and some crumbs get on your shirt.

“Um, you got a lil' somethin' somethin' on your tittie, Y/n” Nick pointed out to you and everyone there. “I know, I was saving it for later, you whore.” You bit back at him and he held his hands up in surrender with wide eyes. Matt walked up to the camera showing his cupcake upclose.

“Mine. The blue cyclone.” He showed his cupcake covered in blue sprinkles and you joined in front of the camera with yours too, shoving it up closer than Matt's.

“Yas bitch! And my pink pussaayy.” The cupcake covered in pink sprinkles is shown with a bite taken out and a made line, from you obviously, in the middle which looked like it was lips.

“Don’t sa-”

And the video ends there.

________

-COMMENTS-

@ chris and y/n in the back omg so cute

@ y/n has THE literal epitome of a shuffled playlist it’s fr wild

@ y/n and matts moment!!!!

@ the old songs….I LUV

@ rockin the sexc songs girl fsfs

@ jealous of y/nnnn ;(

@ y/n is too wild fr

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

TAGLIST: @riowritesitall @conspiracy-ash @miyasturniolo

[reizoudesu]

day two - dancing in the rain / chilling under the covers

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ context: it’s raining today; you and your lover had nothing else to do; nothing could satiate your boredom!

until an idea hits you— go outside and play, or stay hidden in the sheets. will you risk yourself (and your partner) catching a cold, or remain safely in the comfort of their embrace, inside your homely paradise?

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ fandom/s: genshin impact

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ character/s: aether, venti, kazuha, heizou, xiao, wanderer

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ genre/s: fluffily fluff 

notes: i’m back with self-made prompt. our internet at home was being a meanie six (or more) days ago (we literally lost signal for THAT long), so apologies for the lack of response TT

heads-up/warnings: not proofread, (y/n) is a stubborn ahh in other scenarios, lowercase letters (except in one particular part in heizou's, it had caps on ;) ), long paragraphs, wanderer is named “kuni,” kuni wants cuddles (he’s greedy af), affectionate nicknames (aether - love; venti - little windblume, dear; kazuha - love, baby; heizou - darling; wanderer/kuni - dork, babe)

©reizoudesu

do not copy, steal, mark as your own work (but feel free to repost <3)

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛-

“are you sure? it’s pouring quite hard out there…” aether - cautious, but eventually gives up and goes with you

you peer out the open window of the living room, the soft pitter-patter of rain falls upon the roof down to the ground, coupled with the occasional clanking of the plates across the room, you just ate, yet you were getting impatient, but for what reason? you were probably bored…

“love, are you okay?” asked the blonde as he looked at you, eyes of topaz and that sweet smile on his lips. you smile back and let him embrace you, fully enveloped in his arms. “bored…” you mutter dully, gazing at the dreary weather. “yeah, it’s gotten so cold lately,” aether added with a frown, a soft hum as he caressed your hair. until… your eyes met his, an idea formed inside that imaginative brain of yours.

“…ah, don’t give me that look,” he sighs, and you giggle in response. “i wanna go out and play in the rain,” and as expected, he gazes at you with eyebrows furrowed, “are you sure? it’s pouring quite hard out there…”

but the rain looks so pretty… “i can’t wait here any longer, and besides, it’s only a drizzle!” you try to convince him, but he only gave you a shake of his head, a gentle smile of concern still plastered.

“(y/n), you might catch a cold,” aether limply replies, “that won’t convince me from having fun with my boyfriend!” you were a stubborn one, that’s for sure. it’s obvious your lover finds your personality endearing yet frustrating at the same time. eventually, after half a minute of persuading did aether finally give up trying to argue with you, and ran off to another room. confused, you follow him, until he brings out a pair of raincoats with a grin.

“wouldn’t want you to get wet, would we? c’mon love, let’s head out.”

he wasn’t sure why, but this wasn’t just your persuasion that draws him in. he recalled having his twin sister lumine asking the same request when they were kids. seeing you happy— prancing about in the rain in your adorable transparent raincoat glistening in the rain— was the same warmth he felt when he took lumine out of the open the same way he did.

suddenly, a loud crash of thunder scared the living daylights out of you, and you ran back to aether for fortress. he got scared as well, and you two huddle together.

"did you hear that?!" "y-yeah, i did..."

for some reason, you didn't want to let go of your boyfriend, and you were crumbling like fine powder in the midst of a storm. aether was about to laugh at this yet he refrained, seeing your shocked figure tremoring like a maraca in his grip. putting a hand under your chin to lift your head towards him, he beamed warmly, and now, you were looking at a bright sunshine of a smile he's wearing.

"don't worry. i'm not going anywhere."

he’ll cherish this moment forever, hold it inside his heart as if his memories made themselves home within it.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“who cares when we get drenched? let’s keep playing!” venti - energetic and thrilled, a sunshine in the rain

ah, the ever-radiant venti, who finds the positives in all the negatives, the rays of light in complete darkness. how did he even deserve your love? basically, the weather is gloomy, and you two had the same frequencies of ennui, which means, you two are very, very bored.

right now, you two are at home, lying next to each other on the couch like two lazy dogs, with him frequently twirling at his braids of teal while you skim through the book you’ve read twice. you cast your gaze at the window, the grey clouds drearily casting a shadow over Mondstadt. it’s merely a light drizzle, but it’s still enough to make one shiver to the bone.

“oh wait! i have an idea,” you blurt out, abandoning the book onto the coffee table, and your cheerful boyfriend perks up at your voice filled with excitement once again. “ah, little windblume! what’s your idea?”

“what if… we go outside in the rain?” you ask him, and his dark eyes lit up with joy, as always. “i have a better one! we can even go out in our raincoats and stomp in the puddles! haha, i like that, my dear (y/n)~”

and so, you did. you went out with your matching raincoats, with you holding the parasol that could cover two people at most. you two were practically children playing outside a stormy weather, jumping in puddles, without a single care in their lives. 

you were starting to worry when the wind suddenly blew away your parasol, and in an instinct, you chased after it, only for the wind to carry it upwards, far, far from the hands could reach until it nested neatly on the roof of the angel’s share. “i lost my umbrella! we might get sick at this rate!” 

despite this, venti was a little surprised but still grins at you. at this point, you can’t tell if it’s just the wind or was it all your lover’s doing. you shot a glare at his mischief, and he laughs. as always, it should be him. but he managed to apologize a second later “sorry, it’s just that you’re holding back from having so much fun.” 

this caught you completely off guard, but he steps closer and told you this:

“who cares when we get drenched? let’s keep playing!” venti cheerfully declares, putting up his hood and putting his hands in yours. they were damp, but warmer that you thought.

yes, nothing is more enjoyable than reliving a happy memory in a perceived sad scene with your beloved boyfriend.

(you two got really sick right after and jean came to nurse you ‘till full health)

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“nothing is better than a downpour after a moment of a sunny adventure.” kazuha - doesn’t mind one bit, also concerned for your safety, but likes a moment of adventure with you

despite having rented yourselves a home, you two wanted to roam around Inazuma, taking breaks by seeking shelter under trees, canopies of restaurants and houses, or abandoned camps set by treasure hoarders. though you initially thought this is dangerous, he always assured that you both have the blades in your hands for protection. until one day, kazuha tugs at your hand with a warning, right when you hear the faint fore-coming of a storm; “rain is coming… let’s go find shelter.”

kazuha has a knack for predicting the weather by the wind picking up its pace, the few drops of rain from afar, the faintest rumbling of thunder that declares the glory of the Almighty Shogun, the dark monochrome clouds enveloping the once-blue skies. that’s just how perceptive your boyfriend. you’ll have to thank him for that later.

unfortunately, luck is not on your side today, because you were settling right under a tree as you two found nothing. the only shade that served you well was the branches of the old oak tree covered completely in green leaves. he eventually picks up on your shivering; you forgot to bring your raincoat— but he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and waist, and in an instant, your blush deepens; not from the cold, but from kazuha’s warmth.

“you’re shivering, baby,” kazuha whispers, his kind smile and his scarlet eyes making your heart melt. how could a ronin like him be so gentle with you as his partner? he’s no fighter, he is a lover. like always, he enjoys a moment of solace with you in the chaos. he even composed a few haikus to the rhythm of the rain, waiting in intervals to let a few drops fall to the ground with a small splash.

despite the shivering, you were okay, at least warmer than before. you couldn’t come up with conversational topics, but one thought occurred to you.

“kazu, what if… we just have to go in the rain and search for more shelter?” that question made him raise his eyebrows in thought and concern, “hm? are you sure, (y/n)? we can’t have you catching a cold, not in this state.”

“well, it’s not pouring that hard," you tell him with a smile. that fire of determination in your eyes was hard to extinguish, and kazuha was pretty much drawn to it in a way as if he was a moth to her flame. "pretty please?"

kazuha gazes back at you, and immediately concluded that he was done. he sighed and gave only a defeated beam; "alright, just stay close to me and i'll keep you covered, okay love?"

you and your lover took the risk as you ran deep into the storm, the cold air hitting your faces along with the pouring rain. the ground was slippery, and you found yourself slipping while kazuha ended up almost tumbling over you, your screams echoing each other as you fell right upon a puddle of the concrete floor.

for a moment, your eyes meet into a matching emotion of shock, your frame hovering over his own as he lay drenched in the puddle, before you began to snort. kazuha brushed his bangs away from his face and grinned in amusement.

"what's so funny?" "nothing, i think i like the view from up here."

that remark made him flush in a slight red, and he laughed louder. the happiness was utterly contagious, so contagious you could shed tears.

“nothing is better than a downpour after a moment of a sunny adventure.”

maybe he's right. even beauty lies within a mess of life's storm.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“c’mon, let’s head over there, i think i know a good spot around here.” heizou - yes, absolutely yes. a mundane day turned perfect because of one main ingredient: you

"why hello there, darling," the detective greeted, and you nod with a smile, "hi, heizou!" you just came back from finishing a commission when it started pouring, along with a few thundering that rang in your ears.

"i reckon you just finished a commission? from tsurumi island, i presume?" heizou asked, noticing your troubled look. yes, indeed, the anguish you wore tells the tale that you hated doing that request ever again.

"yeah," you weakly told him, wiping away the rainwater from your hair before heizou hands you a towel and sits next to you. "actually, you're in for a treat! i was just about to head to ritou to investigate... and i could use a pair of hands..."

as always, you like a little adventure with your beloved detective, so you pushed yourself to go. "sure, two heads are better than one." you say, a smile playing on your lips.

but there's one problem... the rain.

"hang on, with this weather, you certainly aren't planning to get us both drenched, right?" you ask skeptically, and he eyed you with a gleam. ah, that look on his face again.

"man alive, you don't trust me that easily, huh? too bad i brought your favorite raincoat.," he unfolds the garment with a feigned sigh, "oh well, guess we'll just have to tuck it away again-"

"actually-! i can keep that," you stopped him, yanking it off from his hands before he could go inside and return it to your room.

you two ventured out into the woods, with your lover going on a small tangent about the case he solved. sneaking past the guards and bumping into gorou, you listened through the whole thing, even if all of it was going nowhere. besides, he just can't help it when you two were basically attached by the hip.

with little time, the rain poured harder, and you were hanging onto the last of your raincoat hoodie, until he looks at the spot nearby. “c’mon, let’s head over there, i think i know a good spot around here.”

and there it is, the harbor. the wood that makes the port where the shore meets the ocean. you look around, not noticing heizou lagging behind you, there's nothing but empty houses, fallen leaves, and the empty area that surrounds the island, "i don't see anything," you say, confused, until he tugs at your arm with a cheeky smile.

"shh, quickly now," he shushes you, and right on the exact fourth beat-

CRASH!!

a lightning hit the surface of the ocean, and a sudden thrill creeps up your spine from the flash. he eventually held you tightly, arms framing your waist like a protective shield, hidden behind a cold concrete wall where your heads can only be seen.

"...you brought me here just to traumatize me, do you?" "oh come on, the look on your face says otherwise."

it's irritating that you're a little more amazed than scared. you were scared, but heizou's embrace took that uneasiness away from you. there was no case, just a little bonding together with your boyfriend.

"i still don't forgive you for lying. but just don't move an inch and we're good. okay?"

"i won't. anything for you."

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“…are you serious? you might catch a cold.” xiao - he won’t let you get sick; not once, not ever

it's true that demons don't stop for the rain, as xiao told you not too long ago. but the idea of going right into a commotion of a storm confused him. you suggested the idea as he was just about to leave the wangshu inn to have a moment of solitude.

"you mortals sure have the audacity to do such activities," he commented with a furrowed gaze, "why did you even suggest that?"

"ever heard of relaxation and fun?" you asked rather stubbornly, yet xiao only gave you a grunt in response, not believing you.

"playing in the rain doesn't even spark any joy in me," he flatly declined, yet you gave him a look; here comes the begging again, "come onnn! at this rate, you even have to point out all the good things you can get from playing in the rain.

"people can stomp around in puddles, take a small shower, anything of that sort! love, come on, just give it a chance!"

"...are you serious? you might catch a cold," xiao stares bewildered at you, and he's also irritated by the idea of you being so reckless and getting into danger. defeated, you slump in your seat, the couch carrying your pouty stature. he looks away, a little guilty for having to put up with you all the time, but he really doesn't want you to go.

"listen," he began, uncrossing his arms as he gazes at you with a grim look, "i don't want you to get in trouble. not after what happened."

so he remembered, you did get sick after scouting the harbor with beidou on a rainy afternoon. it's a silly thought, but you remained frowning at him. "fiiine..."

sighing, you lie on the couch, and the yaksha looks at you shortly before heading outside, not without an order, "stay here, i'll be back."

you wondered what your lover would do, it's raining, yet he wanted you to stay. despite this, you were getting bored to death, so you decided to sleep a wink this afternoon.

you couldn't remember the last time you slept this long, and your sense of smell picked up on xiao's presence beside you. before even realizing it, he had lifted your head and put your head against a pillow, and you heard him place a platter on the coffee table before his parting footsteps.

thinking he was gone, you rose and stretched from the couch, and you smelled... almond tofu. there was a note attached, written in fancy handwriting.

"enjoy your lunch, (y/n)" - xiao

your heart fluttered and you hastily took the hot bowl of the meal and ate with soft, savory bites as the food melted in your tongue. in the distance, xiao is watching, leaning against the wall of the room, his face heating up in red hue as a ghost of a smile make its way on his face.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵���‿︵‿︵‿︵

“hmph, how childish. just stay inside, you don't want to get sick, do you?” kuni - thinks it’s too childish, but he’s just feeling cranky and greedy; he doesn’t want you to leave

"kuni, just once!" you wailed in protest, on your knees, clutching the pillow in front of you just to act cute, but kuni was not buying it. he growled in annoyance, "i said no."

you tried everything. coax him with tea, nothing; getting him to leave the bed (either pulling, pushing, or dragging), nothing; threatening by ignoring him, nothing; giving him an embrace, he hesitantly complies with another hug, but still nothing. making him get out of bed from the storm is closest to impossible.

you slumped behind the leg of the bed and groaned in defeat. that little dastard... your boyfriend being like this as always.

he knew you so much that he could memorize your antics, much to your disappointment.

"kuniii! get out of bed!!" you scream with a frustrated groan, and kuni replied with an exasperated tone, "just why did you want to make me leave the bed?"

it's stupid, but you had to try, "i like the rain, okay? it's stupid, but i wanna go out and play!" that made him stop, but he clicked his tongue and crossed his arms.

"hmph, how childish," you hear him say. finally, you gave up trying. he's not leaving anytime soon, so you grumpily plop on the bed next to him.

"you're such a killjoy." "..."

you heard him sigh, and then a sudden force drags you back up to bed, a surprised gasp escaping you as he put his head on your shoulder, a small groan.

"playing in the rain won't get you anywhere, you'll only get yourself sick," he grumbled, as if he's chiding you. you know that, but what significance does it even hold? you're getting so bored.

he picks up on your boredom and turned you around, his violet eyes meeting yours, and you blushed as crimson as a rose in full bloom. it always spurred a reaction out of him, a small grin tugging at his lips, but going serious once more.

"just stay inside, you don't want to get sick, do you?" he requested, forming a small tint of pink in his cheeks as he held you closer for comfort. the only thing you could think right now is probably:

"archons, kuni, what's gotten into you?"

despite this, you comply to his request and just bury your head into his shoulder, arms wrapped around his frame as the two of you remained cuddling in the bed.

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

©reizoudesu

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

It was quite a shock when Damian had asked his brothers for assistance in a project for his advance music theory class.

It was a unspoken knowledge that music was a part of the Wayne family.

If they didn’t have an affinity for an instrument then it was singing and if not singing dancing.

Almost everyone who came into the family had some sort or knack and those who hadn’t picked it up along the way.

Damian was the most uninterested members when he had joined the family so it was quite a shock when he demanded help this morning.

Testing out the drums Jason shared a look with the others before asking,

“So why did you need all of us to begin with? You’re not recording or anything right?”

Damian let out a tch as for himself ready,

“Not right now, but I felt it imperative to go over my composition at least once altogether, in case I felt the need to add.”

The kid continued to tune the ukulele in his hands.

It was a strange choice for the ex assassin but when questioned he merely claimed it was due to it’s size being easier to travel with.

“Well I think it’s an interesting choice in lead instrument baby bird!”

Dick claimed as he played with his maraca while glancing over his sheet music.

“I think it will go nicely with the your lyrics! But I do have to ask-“

“I made the lyrics very clear.”

“And you did! But-“

Damian gave a glare as Dick took a seat.

“I will cut out the maracas, do not test me Richard.”

Tim gave a snort from his place slumped over the piano,

“Just be glad you got to see the vocal sheet music, he just annotated the places he wanted me to harmonize with you.”

“Yeah we’ll you kind of have to be more focused my your hands than anything else.”

Silence fell as they finished their warm ups and Damian began to strum his cords.

The eldest watched as the others raised their eyebrows at the tempo and of the tune but came just the the same.

“I lost my cool, I’m not sure how to act, not even sure how I can keep my pride intact.”

Jason felt his eyebrows raise at the lyrics as Dick and Tim started their backup harmonies.

“No, I'm not falling for you, so please have mercy on me

'Cause it's not romantic, I swear I'm not gasping for air

I want you to be here, but please don't come near

'Cause even though I'm pretty sure my head's exploding

I'm not ready for hand holding

It's not love, I swear It might be closer to despair.”

The first interlude began and Jason shot an incredulous look at Dick. Was this the demon brat? Were they sure he hadn’t been replaced in the night with some sappy clone?

Dick for his part tried to convey to younger brother to just keep playing.

“No, I don't want want you to teach me how to dance Get your heart away from me, you'll put me into a trance

And even though I think about you day and night

I'm not sure if this whole love thing sounds quite right”

Tim craned his neck as the chorus started again, to look at Damian and nearly fell off his stool when he realized that there was blush on the younger’s face.

‘Who in god’s name has somehow wiggled their way past the kid’s defenses?!’

Damian, for his part was refusing to look in the other’s direction as he powered through to the last verse.

“Cause even though I'm pretty sure my head's exploding

I'm not ready for hand holding

It's not love, I swear

It might be closer to despair”

Crooning the last notes to the song, Damian seemed to take a moment to gather himself before quickly striking last note and letting the room fill with silence.

No one seemed to know how to react after such a performance for a second.

Then Dick tried to clear the frog in his throat and the moment was over.

“Baby bird-“

“Cease your prodding, this was for a school project and nothing more.”

Damian gritted out as he stood from his seat,

“Now if you excuse me I am going to return to my room, I feel that if I were to add a bass to the background it would help with the mixing of sounds.”

And left as quickly as he could without raising suspicions.

“Holy fuck,”

Jason breathed out,

“When did the brat gain his first crush?”

“It has to be new.”

Tim rubbed his temple with his thumb,

“He’s still clearly in denial so he hasn’t really gotten used to the idea.”

“You say that like he doesn’t share his dna with the most emotionally constipated man in the known universe.”

“Guys.”

Dick raised his hands in exasperation,

“We can argue on whether or not he’s conscious about his crush later. Right now I want to do some background checks on this person.”

Before exiting the music room,

Tim gave him a disbelieving look,

“Background checks? Dick we don’t even have a name here.”

“Yeah dickhead, even if we’re assuming that he wrote this song about someone in his school we’re still looking a number in the hundreds.”

“That would be true,”

Dick’s eyes took a mischievous look as the other’s followed him into the office.

“If it wasn’t for the fact that Damian had complained about this assignment beforehand, so I know for a fact that it’s about someone in his Advanced music theory class.”

Jason and Tim shared a similar expression as they joined him in the cave.

“That does narrow it down a bit, what’s an average class size replacement?”

“Oh about 20 students, but with the fact that this is an non essential elective course, I would bet it to be smaller.”

With a shared nod and grin they started up the bat computer.

Not like they had any other big plans today anyways.

————

The song if you want

[howlingday]

An Healthy Diet

Blake: Kitten~! Dinner's ready~!

Kid: Aw! Lasagna~?!

Blake: You asked me to make lasagna-

Kid: I HATE lasagna~!

Blake: You asked me to make it!

Kid: I told you a thousand times I HATE lasagna!

Blake: I asked you three times, and you said lasagna!

Ding dong~!

Blake: Kitten, eat your lasagna.

Kid: I want something else~!

Knock, knock, knock, knock!

Blake: Then why did you ask for lasagna?!

Ding dong~! Ding dong~! Ding dong~!

Kid: I want something else

Blake: I have to get the door, okay? Eat your dinner.

Blake: (Opens door)

Ruby: Hey, Blake!

Blake: What?

Ruby: Are you having dinner?

Blake: Yes. We're having lasagna.

Ruby: Aw! I hate lasagna~!

Blake: Good. Go away! (Shuts door)

Ruby: (Pushes open) Wait! I don't have anything to eat!

Blake: Because you're at my house, which is not a restaurant!

Ruby: Please, Blake, I don't know where else to go!

Blake: A RESTAURANT!

Ruby: But they're all chains now, Blake! I don't recognize any of these places anymore! They're all the same, but I don't know the people!

Kid: Mommy, can she have my lasagna?

Blake: No. Because if you're out here and not in the dining room, eating your lasagna, then that means it was already eaten.

Kid: It's too cold~!

Blake: It can't be too cold! It just came out of the oven!

Kid: It's too hot, I mean. I'm waiting for it to cool down.

Blake: Kitten, go eat your lasagna!

Kid: I just want something else~!

Blake: You asked for lasagna~!

Kid: You made it wrong!

Blake: Honey... I promise you... Mommy is not very creative when it comes to making food. I barely know ricotta from maracas. I follow the recipe, and it is always the same, every time!

Ruby: I'll eat her lasagna, Blake!

Kid: Aunt Ruby can eat my lasagna!

Blake: Ruby, you just complained that you hate lasagna.

Ruby: I'll still eat it, though!

Blake: I didn't make lasagna for you!

Ruby: I'll clean my whole plate! I promise! I'm a very good eater!

Blake: Kitten, what else do you want?

Ruby: Homemade pizza.

Blake: Kitten, it will take me an hour to make homemade pizza.

Ruby: I could go for homemade pizza-

Kid: AAAAAAAAGH~!

Blake: LASAGNA IS A PIZZA!

Blake: Anyway! Because it's just cheese... and sauce, with toppings, and a wheat-based substrate! It's the same!

Kid: No! Pizza is not lasagna!

Ruby: Blake, you can't just kill pizza like that...

Blake: Why are you here?! Aren't you supposed to be eating at Beacon, or something?!

Ruby: Oh, I'm... not allowed at Beacon... again... because they kicked me out.

Blake: Ruby, you've been kicked out of Beacon pretty much every week.

Ruby: I mean, you kick me out of your house all the time and we're still friends!

Blake: Yeah, but you don't have an office here. Or a cafeteria. Which is why I'm not going to make you any dinner.

Ruby: No, I don't want to be alone! You have your kid! AND lasagna! And she doesn't even want to eat it- I'll eat it!

Blake: Well, why don't you ask one of the others to go out to eat with you? Hit up the noodle stand with Jaune, or something.

Ruby: It's not a noodle stand anymore. It's a Nood4U now.

Blake: Oh... Right... Well, what about Sauce Bowl?

Ruby: No, it's a Noods, too.

Blake: Ah, dang... I liked their fish stew, but they always made me sick. What about... Uh... That skeevy burger joint Yang dragged us to on her birthday? It's a-

Ruby: It's a McSchnees.

Blake: Weiss made it into a McSchnees?!

Ruby: Yeah, there's more of them now. Which is good, since they're always competing for customers.

Blake: Where do people meet each other anymore?

Kid: Mommy, can I have a quesadilla?

Blake: Kitten, that's just cheese. You can't have just cheese for dinner. Or at least not as often as you do.

Kid: Please~?

Blake: Okay, look. I'll make you a deal. I'll make a pizza, I'll eat the lasagna, and Ruby, you can stay.

Ruby: Aw, thanks, Blake! Can I get black olives on mine?

Kid: I hate black olives~!

Blake: Kitten, you've never even had black olives before...

[petra-creat0r]

Deltarune: Fool's Fate Ch. 3 Secret Boss

It's everybody's favorite kitty cowboy, Bandit Casper! This secret boss was actually made by a friend of mine, @mrchaosman and gifted to me as he saw that originally for my Chapter 3 prediction, I had wanted to do something based of off the Woody Theory but abandoned cartoon won the poll I put out which is how we eventually got Bitsy.

While I love Bitsy, as soon as I saw Casper I fell in love with him immediately! He's just a silly lil cowboy cat! Look at him! The silly! My feelings for him are pretty much exactly the meme of "I've only had Bandit Casper for a few days but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself." The backstory Mr. Chaosman made for him was also rather funny in my opinion, and though I changed it ever so slightly to match Fool's Fate chapter 3 rather than Deltarune chapter 3, you can still check it out here.

Since Casper wasn't named by me, I don't know his specific name origin, but Chaos did mention Casper's based on Starlo/North Star from Undertale Yellow. I searched up the meaning of the name Casper, and apart from being the name of Casper the Friendly Ghost (oh boy, that brings me back), it also means Treasurer or Treasure-Bearer, which I find fun since I definitely treasure Casper.

Edit: I asked Mr. Chaosman about the name, and he didn't have any particular reason for choosing it, it just sounded cool.

Though his text quirk was something Chaosman came up with, I decided the soul mode Casper uses is the green soul mode. Partially because I have my own order the Fool's Fate sb soul modes will go in that I'm not telling anyone, but also because it was the soul mode I wanted to win along with the Wood Theory to fit Undyne stuff. Instead I got the purple soul mode which is how I decided to make Bitsy a spider.

Anyways, like I said, I love Casper. I want to make a plush of him like I made Dorothy into an actual doll. Originally Chaosman made Casper's Light World equivalent a tape from his show, but I decided to make him into plushie with a maraca sewn in to better represent Casper's "friend", Rattler. I had a maraca egg pipis. I can make this real.

Backstory under the cut

Casper the Kid was the beloved mascot and face of an old anti-bullying campaign, complete with PSA cartoons where he'd bring any bullying varmints to justice, posters with slogans like "See someone being a bully? Report it to your local sheriff! (Or a trusted adult)" or "Don't be a bullying bandit, be a friend instead!", and even a plushie which may or may not been unofficial and made by some students.

In the Dark World, Casper was just as beloved as in the Light World, being seen as a sort of protector and defender of sorta where ever he went. From the grassy purple fields and blocky town of Playmat Plains where he was a town sheriff, to the Field of Hopes and Dreams or the Scarlett Forest where he was more of a vigilante, evading capture from the 4 kings.

Eventually though, kids grew up, posters got taken down, worlds changed around and grew divided, and Casper started to become less popular. Eventually the series of cartoons the friendly cat cowboy stared in stopped being made all together. Even still, Casper still tried to do his best to spread kindness and stop bullying. Though his cartoons were still being shown and he was still trying to bring bullying bandits to justice... It seemed more and more that people just stopped caring. Even if Casper tried to stop people from being mean, they didn't seem to respect his authority at all and whatever Casper did didn't even seem to make a difference.

That's when Casper came across a man. A strange someone who offered Casper a helping hand in his darkest hour. The man revealed to Casper the truth about this world and his existence, giving him a shadowy crystal that let him see his world changing before his very eyes. The man also gave Casper a mysterious egg. Saying that if the kitty cowboy ate it, he would gain a forever friend who could help him with his goal of helping others. The egg made a strange rattling noise, similar to a rattle snake. Even still, Casper still ate the egg and accepted the man's help.

Soon after that, Playmat Plains was in danger of being bought out by some powerful tycoon sent by the new ruler of this world, the Hierophant. Even if most of the inhabitants of the town no longer considered Casper their sheriff, he still felt a duty to protect the little town from some greedy tycoon who just wanted to hurt it. Casper challenged the tycoon to a duel. Who ever won could have the city. The tycoon, intrigued by the moxie of this little kitty, agreed.

What happened next, Casper didn't quite remember. All he remembers was his body shaking and hearing rattling before everything went black and he found himself on the outskirts of town when he woke up. Eventually after stumbling back into town, he found a wanted poster. But not one of a bullying bandit like usual. This time, it was a was a wanted poster of him. With the name "Bandit Casper" and a rather mighty reward.

Casper was confused. He was supposed to be the hero. Why was he all of a sudden one of the bullies he'd sworn to stop? Why was he the "bad guy"?

... What happened during that duel?

As it turned out, the egg Casper ate was actually a parasitic snake creature. Otherwise known as Casper's new "friend", Rattler, who had taken over during the duel and wrecked havoc on the town. Making everyone no longer see Casper as a friendly kitty hero, but something even worse than a bully. A dangerous menace who had to be stopped.

The Hierophant made sure to discard the rest of Casper's cartoons and the cowboy was declared an outlaw. Since then, Casper's been on the run and living out in the Checkered Desert. Still trying hist best to help anyone who crossed his path.

That was until he crossed paths with a group of Lightner children...

---------

Okay it took me a bit to rewrite Casper's backstory to fit Fool's Fate's classroom based Dark World, but I think I got it down! I imagine Casper jumping from world to world was mostly a result of the toy Casper is in the Light World and his cartoons being swapped back and forth between Toriel and Gerson before Gerson passed and his classroom was abandoned and the Casper the Kid stuff was relegated to Tori's classroom before eventually Noelle moved into that room after growing up and becoming a teacher.

Confusing, I know, but I understand it and that's all that matters, shush.

[braimrotting]

im so glad the crows got fed yesterday. i love making my severely paranoid old man even more paranoid and traumatised.

just the little feeling in the back of his mind questioning all his childrens actions - are these my kids? cc!phil is far too sure of himself and his recognition of the eggs for it to impact too much but even little mentions is enough to show that theres more trauma to give!

i just wanna say i knew it was sus that the code only took pictures of phils base and no one elses. they had it planned to mimic chay + lulah for days. im trying so hard to think of why tho. base level, it seems obvious bc maybe they needed 2 codes are these 2 spend all their time together when awake. additionally they were 100% not going to attend the dinner so the codes didnt have to worry about them showing up and ruining the plan.

but they had such barebones knowledge of how the eggs act? surely they mustve known they would be found out quickly (i could maybe get them not expecting phil to figure them out in 1 minute tho) UNLESS they were relying on phil not assuming they were imposters bc this situation had never happened before. that seems like a pretty big risk but the only other thing i can think of is them knowing that phil is somewhat isolated and would not go around telling everyone - which was true bc he only told fit + forever.

the codes were acting so wrong i was genuinely shaking while watching it live. chayanne was taking off his armour + following too close to phil + hitting phil + most importantly not listening to him. tallulah was shaking her maracas constantly + not talking to phil + she also was not listening to him and running away. it was so uncanny and genuinely put me on edge especially when he went back to check their beds and they were still there. they are the most well-behaved eggs and follow phil so diligently, i find it strange the codes didnt look into their personalities at all - i wonder if they got their information from the federation status updates on the eggs and that was it. (this would actually explain why the update came at all actually)

anyways loved the Horrors getting to phil. so unexpected bc everyone was convinced it was going to be a canditates attack - phil was prepping support items. though there was crazy foreshadowing with him walking in and saying it looked like a boss battle. ALSO i saw someone say he may have been targeted for his complete refusal of the federation by not voting at all. extra layer of angst bc he did that to protect the eggs + make sure no one could use them against him.

god i need phil to talk to the order ! he has so much info + theories. whats so wrong w a lil crow wanting the blorbo to be hyper vigilant and a paranoid wreck

[3point14a]

what is leon's animal?? also what's his deal?? im curious what y'all did with him :D

:O thanks for being interestedddd!!!! Ummmmmm first of all as always I always get over exited and jump the gun about new stuff we have that is subject to change so like. This IS subject to change LMAO. 

We are shaking the villains like maracas as we figure out the magic system and what their evil plan even is!!!

With that outta the way: Leon is an inland taipan!! which is an INSANELY venomous snake. You miiight notice he doesn't have fangs, and that's precisely because he’s venomous, for safety they took his fangs off. All animals that are THAT venomous have that done once they hit a certain age. It's not something super strange to see, scorpions can’t have their stingers cut off cause they will grow back but they CAN have the venom gland removed. Owynn still has venom because it’s not actually dangerous at all and is more akin to a bee sting. So that sucks for him lmao

In this au reptiles have long ears, which this guy doesn’t have, and i’ll get to that in a sec.

But first of all, how did we extrapolate any character at all from just a design? Uhm well first we just wanted Town and Eak to have more friends because they have Cami, eachother (does not count cause they’re dating), and like no one else???? So yeah they need more connections so we gave them another little friend.

Then given that we had nothing to work with we did the good old trusty technique of tying him to other characters (like we did with the salvaged). Made him sort of match with what we already had of Eak and Cami, and we also made every villain parallel one animatronic: Eak with chica, owynn with bonnie, Fox with Cami, Freddy with Town, AND Leon with Golden (sorry for the Fred exclusion but honestly they have enough on their plate ALREADY). These connections are not concrete, but it's what we're working with right now.

We made Leon also come from a family of musicians that are neglectful and who care a lot about public image. As the son of musicians he was expected to follow through and he only ever really got attention when he showcased that he was good at music, otherwise it’s just “don’t bother me kid.” His family is not nearly as well known as the Belmontes (Golden and Joys family), so he doesn’t get as harassed about it, but he wants them to be more well known and bring their name up through following their legacy with music, given that it’s all they seem to even care about. 

When they were little he and Eak got into a real bad fight, which sparked from them being sad little kids dealing with their own issues with their own families, they start insulting each other and it escalates to just an actual legit fight. They are kids and they don’t really know how to control themselves or their strengths, Eak is an EAGLE who has very sharp talons, so Leon gets a bunch of cuts (a lot to his ears) and Eak gets his leg messed up (Leon did NOT bite since he’s super venomous and doesn't have teeth out yet. But the other way snakes fight is wrapping around limbs and squeezing so he did that).

Fight is over, neither of them are like dead or anything apparently super serious, Eak ends up with a limp and a leg that sort of just hurts permanently and is annoying. But Leon… Ends up a bit worse…

Given how cold his parents are and how insistent they are that their time is valuable and to not bother them with anything that doesn’t pertain to “important” stuff, Leon did not ask them to help, and instead just actively hid that he was injured at all and tried to handle shit on his own. The blood and the dirt on the inside of his ear caused an infection. Said infection affected both the outer parts of his ears, which caused them to get cropped, and his actual eardrums, which made him deaf. 

That idea came from Leon supposedly being an Owynn replacement, so we wanted to give them something relatively similar. Owynn’s eyes can look like common eyes despite the fact that the more they shrink the less he sees, and Leon’s ears getting clipped makes them look like the most common type of ear in this world (both arthropods and some mammals have them) but they were clipped due to the infection that also made him go deaf. 

Just as Cami carries the guilt and fear of having permanently scarred Eak without much effort, Eak carries the guilt of taking something so monumentally big away from Leon, while the latter at least had the self control to not bite him. While Eak can’t possibly hide his scar from Cami, Leon tries to hide all his scars from Eak, hence the undershirt thing and the hair over his eye and ears.

Then there’s another popular thought about Leon which is that he was who Eak was referring to when he told Town “I don’t plan on losing two friends”. Which we translated to “god please can people tell Eak when stuff is wrong or he’s going to explode” 

Eak’s friend group is Cami, Leon and Town. Cami just doesn’t talk about anything, Leon’s refusal to ask for help lost him his hearing, Town was, in Eak’s head, the one honest person in the group.

And he 's not! We made Town be a germaphobe who is really fixated on “being a good person” thinking of other people as “dirty” is something an awful person would do, refusing to hold hands with your boyfriend is something an awful person would do, thinking helpless small animals are horribly gross is what an awful person would think. So he just acts how he thinks he should! He constantly does things that make him insanely uncomfortable without telling anyone that they make him uncomfortable at all. The one thing he does do is be a vegan, which he can’t be given that he’s a lion. But he thinks vegetables and plants are a lot easier to monitor and clean than meat can be, and thus he is just constantly weak and unhealthy, and feeling unhealthy feeds his idea that he’s getting sick from other stuff, so it’s just never ending.

Once Eak finds that out, that’s when he tells Town to shut the hell up and tell literally anyone he has a problem. Someone close to him already lost so much because he thought he could handle himself, because he didn’t want to bother people. And that’s exactly what Town has been doing for years, not telling anyone he has a problem and handling himself to not bother other people and to not be “a bad person”. He can’t watch 2 people close to him neglect their needs and end up self-destructing. He can't lose another friend.

With that out of the way, what the hell is his deal? Well we wanted the villains to be like, a proper group of villains right? And with that and fucking around with the magic system (still,,,,,,,hard,,,,, help,,,) and we needed motives. Cami wants to “tame” people and control them and stuff, with that theme of control we have assigned her “tempo”  haha tempo controls everything, music reference. “Music moved this world” and whatnot. magic system. music. We don't have anything even remotely that specific for the other 4 because magic system hard BUT the gist of it is: Owynn wants a shadow in his head (dont even worry about it), Town wants to be a good person, Eak wants to bring people together, Leon wants recognition. 

Once he went deaf instead of using him like how golden’s family exploits them, Leon’s family just sort of stopped caring for him. Despite that he has hearing aids and that you can totally do music when you are deaf, they just decided he couldn’t and that he wouldn’t. In opposition to Golden’s arc of breaking free, Leon wants to go back in there. He wants his parents to give a shit about him and to be able to be recognized as “the child of the musicians” instead of just a guy who looks kinda funny, to be recognized by his last name and bring more to his family as a whole even though they already gave up on him. This is also why he got his snake bites (lol) piercings, to see if they noticed or if they even scolded him (they didn’t).

That’s pretty much all we got of him for now which are all subject to change, but i'm pretty happy with how they are as of right now! Some extra stuff that i didn’t know how to fit:

We were never big fans of making Eak short since he’s an eagle and all, but we can have our cake and eat it by making Eak tall objectively, but be the shortest out of the villains! tall freaks lol <3 we drew Eak in a rough height chart we have and he was average height but compared to cami he looked miniscule. So bumping him up makes the line up between all of them feel more comfortable. Plus he should tower over some people, and be intimidating. He deserves it.

Leon's pretty chill if not just a bit odd, apex (i call em that cause villains includes owynn) as a whole are a chill friend group until you learn that 3 of them tried killing and that Town got second hand insanity from it. Attached to each other out of guilt (3 of them about injuries and Town about “seeing them as dirty”) so they're kinda weirdddddd

People with vitiligo actually have a higher chance to lose their hearing! so the cards were stacked against him from the start ripppp

Just like golden has a star birthmark, Leon used to have a family birthmark too but it got whitened due to the vitiligo, fly low your ties to them keep decreasing boy,  talk about getting wiped out of your family's name lmao 

also the Belomte family has the root of “what we're doing comes from a place of care” and the exploitation is sort of(?) unintentional, they have a whole thing about being close and tight knit. While Leon’s family atm is just out of the gate cold and driven by a success that could be bigger, and whatever doesn’t really adhere to that ideal of success doesn’t really matter.

[nelapanela94]

Hello my friend, I hope that you are having a good day! 😊 Well, For my first request, I wanted to see if you could do a headcanon with Levi Ackerman x short black!reader (Short meaning like 5’2 in height and who’s he didn't think had existed with Trinidad and Tobago Caribbean roots/culture which includes the accent,food and of course Soca Carnival) who they date, want to marry and have children with in the future? ( You can choose how many kids each of them should have!)

Hi sweetheart!!!

TW: set in our AU! in the 70's, mentions of Dad Levi, Kuchel and Kenny are alive, fluff

WC: 1k

Levi hugs Kuchel goodbye, pricking with guilt for his mother's tears, but the driver hits the horn, beckoning him.

He was twenty-five when a travel agency add popped on the tv, promising paradise. So, out of an impulse, he scrubbed the dregs of his savings account and booked a round trip to the Caribbean. He packed on his shoulders the basics for summer land, and a bottle of antibacterial gel mellowed with aloe.

Coming from a place that barely sees the light for six months of the year, where the cold gnaws at your bones and you have to toddle around with at least six layers during winter, he did feel like crossing st. peter's gates once he hops off the plane in Port of Spain. Enduring ten hours squeezed between the snores of an old rickety man and the wails of a baby was worth it. At the airport, he hoards all the tourist guide pamphlets he can cram into his pockets and calls Kuchel from the public phone to let her know he’s all right. Then he spends long minutes in the bathroom washing his face and hands.

The soft frizzling on his skin; the breeze tousling his hair. In few days, his skin is flushed with a farmer's tan, and cafe au lait freckles stud his shoulders and nose. But he relishes the energy with which this land sizzles, the babble of different accents and the diversity of its people who anchored on the island from all around the globe. The market pulses with different languages, colors, textures, smells, and flavors, and he spends all morning trying fruits he'd never heard of in his life. He takes more time though, to accustom his taste buds to the spiciness.

He never forgets to send a postcard to his mother every week to let her know her little boy is doing fine. He also mentions at the end of one that he’ll reschedule his return ticket, though he has not selected a date yet. Maybe until spring begins.

One evening, he saunters along the Maracas Bay promenade and wallows in it. The sunset on the beach is like a painting coming to life. The sky is a canvas of orange, pink and purple, blending in a swirl of colors. The sun, a fiery ball, slowly sinking into the horizon. The waves sparkle with golden light, reflecting the sun's rays. The briny breeze strokes his hair and the warm sand smoldering his feet invites him to sit. He takes pictures with his XG-9 Minolta, capturing the world’s beauty through the lens. He zooms and zooms, looking for different angles until he stumbles with a group of girls, dancing and laughing, eating lay's and drinking sprite. One smiles and winks and waves a hand, and a frisson of both panic and exhilaration ripples through every inch of him. His cheeks begin to tingle. He drops the camera on his lap and looks away.

“Hey!”

Levi’s heart bangs like the gallop of a horse in a race. His lips part. His eyes snap, and he gulps before turning around. She is wearing a billowing midi dress, her deep ochre skin glowing with a healthy sheen, lips plumped and moist. A set of golden bracelets clanking with every lithe movement. Her eyes are brown, the type of brown that becomes honey under the light, rimmed with long lashes. Levi stutters a hi, his hands too clammy he can’t let go of the hem of his white t. “My name is [name], and I was wondering if you would go to the carnival with me.” She tries to cajole him with a smile. Her eyes soften, pleading, glinting. Lashes flitting. Levi blinks while his brain tries to connect thoughts and metamorphose them into words. He doesn’t know how that ‘yes’ comes out from his mouth. 

“Great!” She beams and pries a sharpie from her purse. “Where are you staying at? I’ll pick you tomorrow at 10 am.” She holds the cap in her lips and the tip glides smoothly on her palm with Levi’s address. “For whom I ask at the front desk?” And he relaxes his shoulders, “Levi Ackerman.”

He watches her running back to her friends, and from time to time, she steals a quick glance at him.

She takes Levi to the parades and tries to teach him how to dance, how to loosen his hips, but he… just don’t have it in him. A futile attempt. He can’t stop looking at her, the way her body follows the lively rhythms of the music. Whenever their eyes meet, he feels a flush rising in his cheeks. She’s shorter than him, not more than a couple of inches, and that makes them the perfect dancing partners. “Come on, admit you’re having fun.” She quips and he replies with a smirk, “I can’t ruin my reputation as a first-class grump.”

She takes him to the best local restaurants too, introducing him to a kaleidoscope of flavors and he feels guilty to think that Kuchel’s food lacks some spiciness. He loves roti with beef, pastelle and sweet bread. His abs start melting, but he can’t care less; the food is worthy.

Levi’s been bewitched, bespelled, mesmerized, impossible and illogical, yet the only explanation of his desire to stay. He wants to know her, to find any excuse to talk to her, to find out what she thinks of things. Hold her hand and walk by the beach under a starry night sky. They are so different, but she brings a kind of music into his life he’d never heard before. Twinkling bell notes, distinctive and beautiful, descend into a sweet slurring that untangles the twisted, bare wires in his head.

She kisses him of course, Levi is too nervous to take the step, and from that kiss, his mind races from the kiss to touch her more. To pick out the wedding invitations, to build a home and set up a baby crib.

Weeks later he calls Kuchel and drops the bomb, something he’d been postponing, claiming he needed to find the right words, and tells her, fiddling with the telephone cord, “I’m staying, indefinitely.” But when a shocked why comes in from the other side, he panics and pushes the hook.

Levi scores a job at a top accounting firm in the capital. They move together, get married in a small and intimate celebration, and have those little twin brats that can’t stop wailing and giggling and pulling at his hair with their strong grip. Two girls with big almond-shaped gray eyes and golden skin. Though, things didn’t happen in that exact same order. Indeed, when he wired his mother, he was carrying the pregnancy test in his pocket.

Taglist: @stygianoir @lamees004 @svftackerman @apolloshaiku @luvjiro @roralore   @notgoodforlife @galactict3a

Want to join the tag list? Click here.

[tobiasdrake]

We're here. The final leg of our mission: Glacial Peak.

Every bone in my body has fragmented into shards. When I move my limbs they crickle-crack like maracas. T-T Also Luana was not kidding when she said it's cold as balls up here.

I hate this. I hate everything about it. I want to go home. Working for the postal service sucks. ._.

...hmm....

HMMMMMMMMMM

This ring perplexes me. Getting over to it is fairly simply but why would it be here? It's a graplou target but. It's in a corner. There's nowhere to reach by graplou-ing onto it.

What purpose could this possibly serve?

Oh well. Moving right along, we are just about finished here.

I have not! ^_^ Pretty sure once we drop off this Scroll at the summit, we're in the clear. We're probably like 90% through this adventure by now.

Looking forward to getting it done with and then maybe a relaxing spa trip. I wonder if any part of Bamboo Creek is still functional as a spa? They had a pretty cool high dive but I'm looking for more of a hot tub and sauna situation here. It's very cold.

Oh, thanks for the tidbit, I hadn't fucking noticed you dickweevil.

Sitting here all comfy in your room beyond time and space. Some of us have jobs, you know.

...yeah, okay. I've kind of been glazing through most of your stories since they don't really seem connected to anything but something about this one just... It sends a chill down my spine I can't quite explain.

I don't know why. I don't have a lot of mentors or responsible guiding figures to look up to. I've lived my life according to the teachings of an immortal being of limitless wisdom--

"19-year-old girl who, purely because of a well-timed nudge, tripped over her left ankle and fell backwards into incredible cosmic power. But don't mind me. I may or may not be an 'assclown'."

...an immortal being of limitless wisdom and eternal grace.

So I don't know what about this one called out so much to me. I guess it's just something I'll have to mull over.

...I'm touching your cabinet out of spite.

Honestly, this place isn't so bad. Sure, it's a little slippery here or there and the footings aren't great and also it's so heavily demon infested oh god I've died five times just from plunging to my doom

Is that the fucking Shopkeeper?

If he is Resh'an then Luana's going to have some choice words about him getting a statue. And most of them will be expletives.

The lanterns are frozen to keep me from going over there. That just makes me want to do it even more. But my sword and shurikens are useless against ice.

Sure do wish I had something to burn.

Also, sleeves.

No, at this point, I'm expecting it at every pit. ._.

Oh! Sorry, I was so focused, I forgot to tell you. Yeah, we've made to to Glacial Peak. I met two huge muscle-men that wanted to wrestle with me in their loincloths. One of them showed me his dick and then they apologized by breaking every bone in my body, and that's why we're freezing to death in this miserable place.

Honestly, can this place get any wo--

But I don't want to be perforated today. T-T

It's okay. Utilizing this weird new concept of patience and moderation, I think I've figured out his fighting style.

A careful and measured approach feels so heretical and yet so satisfying. It's like I'm working inside of my human limits to overcome the insurmountable!

See you around, warping wonderfuck. ^_^ Okay, I take it back; I'm feeling pretty good about my life right now. I can take on any--

Well, that's just rude. Okay, back to blazing the trail by skidding on my face across rock and snow.

Oh my goddess, trees. Actual living things instead of sheer cliff drops and onto bonesplitting rocks.

I think I'm here. I think I actually fucking made it. At last. I'm ready to drop off this stupid fucking Scroll, go home, and move on with my life--

Wait, my home burned down in a demon invasion. Right. Shit. Well, we'll deal with that when it comes. For right now, I should see what Shopkeeper has to say about--

...uh....

...

...

Hello?

...

Assclown?

...

...

I'm touching his cabinet.

...yes. Yes, I did.

But I WANT one.

I don't believe you. I think you have the secret to everything in this cabinet. The cabinet is life. The cabinet is my dreams. I belong in the cabinet.

[pondslime]

about me tag

tagged by the wonderful @bluecoolr!! tysm my luv!!

nickname: sam (sometimes I wish that sami would stick in someone’s mind so I had some variety, but it really hasn’t)

age: 26 

um, hold on—

pardon me? 

SIX months away from being the same age as mama bear from the berenstain bears. time to pack it up, ig. 🫡

height: 5′6″

sign: libra

last google search: black go go boots knee high 💀 I’m on the hunt for a new pair of slutty bitch boots and I’m...........researching

the rest is under the cut so I don’t force y’all to scroll forever lmao 🤡

last song stuck in my head: sabotage by jawny 

sleep: ..........................................1/2 am when I have work.....................hopefully.............when I’m off? anything goes rip in pieces

dream job: working with kids! which I’m doing now and I LOVE it

although I could always go for being the bedazzled sultry singer in a film noir club draping myself dramatically over a piano. if anyone wants 2 set that up let me know

wearing: a big baggy blue sweatshirt and pajama pants printed w/coffee cups. she’s fashion ur honor

favorite songs: how am I supposed to answer this jfdshfdshfds this is fuckin EVIL lmao!!!! here are 3 songs that mean everything to me but like. 83218479874932784372 other songs ALSO mean everything to me.

1) cloudbursting by kate bush

2) silent all these years by tori amos

3) my little alien by kate nash

favorite instrument: when I was a kid, we had a maraca that was shaped like a banana. so, that.

aesthetic: slightly provocative librarian

favorite author(s): gillian flynn

favorite color: pink!!

favorite animal sounds: my dog makes this high pitched OW-WOW sound when she’s in a mischievous mood and I adore it sm

last song: handmade heaven by marina

last series: fleabag! 

random: 

look at this CREATURE!!!!!!!! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging @venus-haze, @visceravalentines​, @flaggermuser, @cordelium, @pretty-possum​! w/no stress ofc!

[kyogre-blue]

To be fair I haven't read Every book, just the Mond ones bc...mondstadt bias... (and the one abt the store bc it is both liyue and mond, and rex incognito bc it looked fun) so I didn't notice the liyue quest repeating fjfdj. I find reading them kinda fun bc most of the books are subjective so fiction and truth are painted with the same brush, so you kinda wonder if all these fantastic things could be true! though that might just be me bc I'm a bit of a weirdo and a romantic that way :P I still want to reunite the boy and the spring fairy!

The weird thing is that for all that Dvalin attacked Mondstadt at the beginning, from then on it honestly doesn't feel like he has a beef with Mondstadt so much as with Barbatos personally, because he doesn't speak a single word to anyone EXCEPT Venti. To be fair it is kind of implied only Venti and the Traveler can understand when he speaks (Jean's "he can comunicate with the dragon?" and the fact that Dvalin didn't simply SAY "Yo, Dvalin of the East Wind here, I come in peace" but that's ALSO so badly established it's probably purely my conjecture. Hey Dvalin...why don't you try singing...I'm sure ppl would have a bit of a harder time seeing a singing dragon as threatening...)

Oh man YES I'd kill for a PROPER account of when Dvalin first awoke and how painful misunderstandings built until we got the situation that the Traveler arrived into...especially since they HAVEN'T UPDATED THE BOOKS SINCE THE BETA, where the Cataclysm had happened 100 years ago instead of 500, so I was sweating throughout the whole read like "Venti I love you and I can SEE you love Dvalin but if you took 400 YEARS to awaken to help him you better have the mother of all explanations primed and at the ready" like on one hand I'm glad it's a typo but on the other hand... how can they be this sloppy T-T

Which reminds me...when did Venti wake up. "Best bard of mondstadt three times in a row" Okay but is that a monthly award?? I first thought it was a yearly award but I can't fathom Venti being awake three years with Dvalin in pain and not do anything until we arrived...if only to play translator so the misunderstandings DON'T happen (if I'm not imagining things and the Sage kid was right. It's funny imagining Venti talking to animals and animals following him around like a disney princess, not gonna lie. Especially given that cats canonically follow him around, hehe). And like...literally nobody mentions the Other dragon that has been a Problem for the past thousand years? Like don't get me wrong, Ursa the Drake existing makes the Durin and Stormterror problems seem like an absolute joke (whoa, the dragon is such a big threat Barbatos awoke to put a stop to it! Nevermind the dragon that has been atacking mond for the past thousand years, that one doesn't matter) and I'm glad that they avoid mentioning it's the same drake in the canon text, but like......what does that mean for the timeline........how long have venti and dvalin been awake?? Mihoyo! Answer me!! *shakes phone with hoyoverse loading screen like a maraca* do you think we'll get a hint eventually over why Venti goes on such long sleeps? And don't even get me started in the mess that is the four winds, bc there's the knight of boreas but the wind is Lupus Boreas (How did he die anyway, how did he live despite that anyway) but the lion of the south is Jean? And is the Falcon of the West Venessa or the knights? Is there a knight title reperesentative of each wind— *slams the brakes*

I just have so many questions that either I convince myself everything will be addressed in the future or I'll go crazy lmfao, so I kinda end up missing the obvious holes as long as the info is there even if it wasn't properly introduced in the narrative haha. You're so right about the vagueness though!

And I'm playing inazuma chapter 2 rn and though I did love seeing the wider repercusions of the shogun's decisions I really, really want to poke the resistance like hey! Literally any business that exports anything ever is suffering! Places that depend on tourism are suffering! The outlanders are being opressed! There's! food! shortages!! If you really are so short-handed bc "repel the vision hunt decree" is not a popular sentiment, add an addendum to "repel the closed border decree" and I'm sure you'll get a lot more backing! Like what even is the endgame here, just convince the shogun she's wrong through war? At least say that you're trying to depose her! (It's so funny to me that Ayaka's all wide-eyed like just speaking badly of the Shogun is the height of daring-do, like boy do I have a story to tell you about Decarabian...also there really should have been more of a fallout about the shogun *personally* taking Thoma's Vision *without even informing the Yashiro comission leaders* like. I'm not an expert in fantasy politics but that seems like a very clear snub, given that Thoma works directly under the shirasagi himegimi?? Is it just me?)

It's the opposite for me. I absolutely hate that both books and characters are so unreliable. It doesn't feel like it's meaningful "unreliable narrator" situation but rather the writers using a cheap excuse to patch holes in their own lore.

Mondstadt in particular has a lot of timeline mistakes, like Diluc saying that Barbatos hasn't been seen in 1000 years, despite records clearly stating he appeared for the Cataclysm 500 years ago. All of this adds to the confusion about Venti's situation in general. It's very... yes, vague. I don't think Venti ever directly confirms that he was sleeping or got poisoned by Durin. For all we know, he was just out of town, and Dvalin's only been awake for like a week, so Venti only just returned and found out.

But I have to say...

it's VERY funny that you're only partway through Inazuma. No wonder you're still so optimistic about the writing.

You've basically hit on one of Inazuma's two major problems. The first problem is the character writing, with the excessive reliance on NPCs and poor pacing. The second problem is in regard to the politics of the situation.

Spoilers, but keep in mind that the Archon quest ends on Raiden removing the Vision Hunt decree, but NOT Sakoku. Sakoku isn't lifted until the end of Raiden's story quest chapter 2 (aka the only actual, complete character arc in the game). I... am somewhat suspecting that part of the reason they pivoted to be all about the Vision Hunt is because they realized they can't lift everything at the end of the Archon quest because what would Raiden do in her story quests then? They needed to manufacture two different story climaxes, so they split up the decrees.

Alternatively, maybe they just wanted to make fantasy Japan suck as much as possible, even if it didn't jive with overall worldbuilding. Who can say.

Anyway, I was very interested in Genshin's lore before Inazuma dropped and for the first patch of Inazuma. Then we got Inazuma act 3, which was very... controversial, shall we say, and my expectations kept going lower and lower as we went. I would say there were three things (characters) that more or less convinced me that Genshin writing is basically not worth my time: Azhdaha, Signora, and Scaramouche.

It's not as noticeable when you're catching up, but Azhdaha and the geovishaps got a lot of buildup during the Liyue patches. And then we finally get a chapter 2 story quest, Zhongli's. And it's just... bad. It's so bad. All that lore, for this?

Then we got Signora, who had so much backstory, being Rostam's girl and the same lore stuff mentioning that his student joined the Abyss while she joined the Fatui, so surely that will matter?? It does not, her backstory is literally never mentioned and if they try to give it relevance now, it'll be a bad joke.

And then we finally get Scaramouche in Sumeru, and he's like... they spent multiple events bringing up Kazuha's background, and I was pretty annoyed because I dislike him since they handled his character arc so horrendously. And then you realized all that about Kazuha was actually just buildup for Scaramouche backstory. Except it's not about Scaramouche as a character. It's about the Irminsul being able to rewrite history.

And then I stopped caring.

[ronaldanthony4]

I just finished another digital artwork—this time, it’s fan art of one of my favourite childhood characters. As I stared at my screen, marvelling at the vibrant hues and intricate details, I couldn’t help but feel proud of how far I’d come as an artist. Today’s creation is Riff, the cheerful, music-loving dinosaur from "Barney & Friends." I spent hours perfecting the shading and textures to bring Riff to life in my unique style. The nostalgia of revisiting a beloved character from my past made the process even more enjoyable.

For anyone unfamiliar, Riff is a six-year-old orange hadrosaur. He’s one of the newer additions to the show, the first dinosaur introduced in over thirteen years—a fascinating fact. The creators must have known they were taking a risk by bringing in a new face, but somehow, Riff captured hearts with his unique personality and love for all things musical. No wonder I felt inspired to bring him to life through my art. Riff's vibrant energy and infectious enthusiasm truly resonated with me, sparking a creative fire within. As I sketched and painted, I found myself smiling at the memories he brought back and the new adventures he inspired.

In my artwork, I wanted to celebrate Riff’s infectious energy and vibrant personality. I depicted him in his natural element—a sunny playground where he could dance and play to his heart’s content. His orange skin glows warmly against the bright, cheerful background, while his yellow tummy adds an extra pop of colour. I made sure to highlight the green spots that dot his body, contrasting beautifully with the green spikes along his back and head. One of my favourite parts of drawing him was his crest, which I rendered with extra care. It’s not just any crest—it’s the magical part of Riff that lights up with a green glow whenever he’s making music. I imagined how those lights might look if they were captured mid-blink, adding a sense of rhythm and motion to the piece.

I also paid close attention to his outfit. Riff is known for his green sneakers, which I detailed down to the yellow socks peeking out and the purple laces tying everything together. His shoes seemed so quintessentially “Riff”—practical yet playful, perfect for someone wlways ready to jump, dance, or run around. I imagined the texture of the sneakers, the slight scuff marks from all his adventures, and the way they’d grip the grass as he skipped through the park. It was all about capturing those little details that made him feel alive.

Riff’s debut in "Barney & Friends" was in the home video "Let’s Make Music." I still remember the excitement of watching it for the first time as a child. Seeing this small, orange dinosaur with an endless love for music was like meeting a kindred spirit. He wasn’t like the other dinosaurs—Barney, Baby Bop, and BJ—all of whom were tall and imposing in their ways. Riff, on the other hand, was shorter, almost closer to my size as a kid, which made him feel approachable. His energy was contagious, and his personality brimmed with creativity.

When he was formally introduced in the episode “Welcome, Cousin Riff,” it was clear that he wasn’t just another character; he brought something new to the table. Riff was Baby Bop and BJ’s cousin, and though they shared a familial bond, his individuality shone through. Where Baby Bop was sweet and slightly timid, and BJ was bold and adventurous, Riff had his quirky charm. His love for music wasn’t just a hobby; it was a way of seeing the world. His theme song, “I Hear Music Everywhere,” encapsulated this perfectly. Riff didn’t just enjoy music—he lived it. To him, the clinking of spoons, the rustling of leaves, or even the rhythmic squeak of a swing set could be a symphony waiting to be discovered.

In my artwork, I wanted to capture that essence of Riff—the joy he radiates when he’s immersed in his world of sound. I gave him a wide, happy grin, his eyes twinkling with excitement. He’s holding maracas in both hands, the colourful instruments adding to the vibrant palette of the scene. I imagined the music he might be creating—perhaps a playful, tropical tune that would make anyone nearby want to join in. The maracas were such a fun detail to include, as they reflected his ability to turn anything into a musical adventure.

One of the things I’ve always admired about Riff is his inventiveness. He’s not just a music enthusiast; he’s a tinkerer, always looking for ways to create something new. In one episode, he built a unique music-making contraption out of everyday items, showcasing his ability to see potential in things others might overlook. This aspect of his character inspired me as a child, encouraging me to think outside the box and find creativity in unexpected places. I like to think that this spirit of invention is part of what led me to become an artist.

Despite his creativity and enthusiasm, Riff isn’t without his flaws. He’s a shy dinosaur at heart, often doubting himself and needing encouragement from his friends. I find this vulnerability endearing—it makes him relatable. We’ve all had moments of self-doubt, times when we’ve needed a little push to believe in ourselves. Riff’s journey of overcoming these feelings is a reminder that even the most talented individuals sometimes need support. It also serves as a powerful message that it's okay to have doubts, as long as you keep pushing forward and believing in yourself.

Working on this piece also gave me a chance to reflect on the role Riff has played in the "Barney & Friends" franchise. He’s not just a side character; he’s an integral part of the group. Barney, Baby Bop, and BJ have always represented different aspects of childhood—imagination, curiosity, and courage—but Riff adds another layer to the mix. He represents creativity in its purest form, the kind that comes from seeing the world through a musical lens. His presence reminds us that art, in all its forms, is an essential part of life.

As I added the finishing touches to my artwork, I felt a deep sense of gratitude for the character of Riff. He’s more than just a dinosaur; he’s a symbol of the joy and wonder that music can bring. Through his adventures, he teaches children—and even adults—that creativity is limitless and that there’s music in everything if we only take the time to listen. It’s a message that has stuck with me throughout my life, influencing not only my art but also the way I approach the world.

Looking at the completed piece, I couldn’t help but smile. The bright colours, the dynamic pose, the little details that brought Riff to life—it all came together in a way that felt true to his character. I imagined him stepping out of the artwork, maracas in hand, ready to lead a parade of joyful children through the playground. It was a scene that perfectly captured his essence: a small dinosaur with a big heart and an even bigger love for music. Seeing how much this little orange dinosaur meant to so many people was heartwarming.

In a way, creating this fan art felt like a tribute not just to Riff, but to the countless childhoods he brightened with his cheerful presence. In conclusion, creating this artwork of Riff was more than just an artistic endeavour—it was a journey back to the innocence and joy of childhood. Riff may be a fictional character, but his impact is real, reminding us all to find the music in our lives and to never stop creating. As I move on to my next project, I’ll carry his spirit with me, letting it inspire me to see the world with fresh eyes and an open heart.

[bilboyagathechickenfootedhobbit]

I really do my best to not judge other parents but who are we kidding I still do. We were at a taco festival yesterday with the kid and one of his friends and their mom. This mom bought her son literally EVERY SINGLE THING he asked for, whether it was a caramel apple, a giant frozen slushee, a stuffed luchador doll (he had literally never watched ANY wrestling of ANY kind, he just wanted a toy, any toy), giant nachos, whatever. Which hey, cool, we all like having a good time with our kids.

But I sat and watched this kid take either one bite or none at all of all the food his (recently unemployed) mother bought him, spit it out and declare it “so gross it makes me want to PUKE!!” And then start screaming for more food. Which she would buy him. And he wouldn’t eat. And then he’d scream for another toy or demand to watch cartoons, like what the fuck?? This is an outdoor cultural event!! There is LIVE LUCHADOR WRESTLING!!! They threw a CLOWN through a TABLE covered in TACOS!!! There’s live music!! There’s bounce houses and DOGS FOR ADOPTION YOU CAN CUDDLE FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT!!! You can make your own MARACAS!! There are tacos for DAYS!! There are free games and rides and open fields of grass to run and play in and all this kid wanted was to sit in a chair and stare at a phone while rejecting every bite of food he was offered.

I wanted to scream.

His mom is very sweet and she’s doing it all on her own and I feel for her, I do!! But I want to shake her and scream “TELL HIM NO!!! ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES!! It’s OKAY if he’s mad at you!! Don’t try to be his best friend, be his PARENT!!” He walks ALL over her, he will just snatch her phone straight out of her hands or purse and start watching cartoons even after she tells him no and she just sort of shrugs and is like “oh well….” And I’m like “The FUCK?? First, my kid has ZERO phone access, but if he did and ignored me telling him no and grabbed for it anyway? Oh, he’d be losing those privileges right quick and for a good long fucking while.” Our kid asked us to buy him a quesadilla, we did, he didn’t eat one bite. Five minutes later as we’re leaving, he asks for a candy apple. We told him no, since he didn’t eat any of the quesadilla he asked for. Did he scream and cry all the way home and say he hated us? Sure. And then I did a silly thing where I spun in a circle to “turn our feelings around” and we all spun in circles until we laughed and felt better and he forgot about the candy apple. Like Jesus WEPT, people, it’s OKAY if your kid gets mad at you. Hold the line. They’ll appreciate it when they get older and are able to socially interact with people in acceptable ways instead of just bulldozing people with their wants and demands.

I am by no means a perfect parent and my child is by no means a perfect child, but we try. I don’t like when he’s mad at or upset with me, but I also realize it is my job to provide the boundaries and stability that allow him to learn and explore his world safely. He is going to get mad at those boundaries sometimes and as he gets older he’ll challenge them. And as he gets older, those boundaries will expand accordingly, with trust and responsibility. And because he is being held to boundaries, he respects them. He doesn’t fuck with my phone because I told him not to. Simple as that. Boundaries.

When you never hold a boundary with your kid, when you allow them to walk all over you, you may THINK you’re being cool and nice, but you’re actually doing your child a great disservice. You are teaching them that their way is THE way, that everyone else has to bend to their will, that everyone else has to give in to them. Not only is that just…..so fucking awful for the people around them, and just……SO fucking awful to teach young boys because WOW, but it’s unfair to your kid. Other kids won’t want to play with the intractable little shit that refuses to listen to anyone else. Other kids won’t want to play with the kid who steals their toys and pushes them down and laughs at them. As he gets older, he’ll be a social pariah because he’ll annoy the shit out of his male peers for being a selfish asshole, and he’ll terrify and disgust his female peers for his lack of boundaries and unwillingness to listen when told no. You do your child ZERO favors by not holding boundaries with them.

I don’t know. Parenting is hard. Single parenting is so fucking difficult. I have so much sympathy for moms doing it on their own. But it scares me, as the mother of a young boy, to see other boy moms (fuck I hate that phrase but whatever) raising their sons with zero boundaries, with zero respect, with zero consideration for others. I am doing everything in my power to raise a young boy into a proper man. We have conversations about what it is to be a man and how that’s different from just being an adult. How you become an adult when you turn 18, but being a man entails much more than just your age. His closest friends are girls and other boys with good boundaries. One of his best male friends always asks if he can hug him and they both honor what the other says, even if they turn down the hug. He considers others; just this morning when it was his turn to choose what record we listened to, he picked my favorite one even though he’s going to be gone all day and it was his only chance to hear a record of his choosing. He’s always going through his toys and clothes, looking for stuff to “domate” to other kids. He’s a nice kid. He respects boundaries. He’s thoughtful. He considers his emotions and gut feelings before he agrees to physical displays of affection. He understands how his actions affect others and chooses his behavior accordingly. He has more emotional maturity and ability to self-regulate at six than most grown-ass adults I know. Because we model that shit daily. It’s exhausting and some days I want to let shit slide but consistency is key with these tiny humans and if you want to raise a good person you have to BE a good person. They just imitate what they see.

That’s it. That’s the key to parenting. Be the person you want your kid to be. It’s hard. You have to do a lot of work on yourself and these little turds will reflect the absolute WORST parts of yourself right back at your face, so vividly it will make you want to scream, but then you realize, this is your lesson, this is how you get better. Your kid shows you all your worst parts and then you have the privilege of working on yourself and showing another growing, learning human that it’s possible to change, that it’s OKAY to be in your 30’s, your 40’s and still be working on yourself.

So I don’t know…..I just had to let that out. I want to help, I want to offer advice and support, but I don’t know how to do it without it coming off as “you suck as a parent and I’m worried you’re actively raising a future school shooter, please can I help change the trajectory?” I know enough about what the mom has been through to sympathize with her situation, and even if it sounds like I’m hating, I’m truly not; I really do have sympathy for what she’s been through and why she is the way she is. I just…..I wish I could fast-forward to where I help her gain her confidence back and she starts taking up space in the world and pushing back, especially against her own son. Can we just be there already?