#me when a bad bitch tells me to draw for her bday

[kogglyuffs]

me n the 2 peppercorn fans joining to celebrate her release, happy bday peppercorn!!

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

SUNMER IS OVER N IM. WORRIED AB KORN KID

house of YAS had a end of summer Block Pawty n yr frwend tells u to meet him in front of the bus and that his only descriptor in the masses of people is dhat he's a v" tall black stranger. " I find him ofc then we dance on tha stage n get free flowerz n then go to tha subway to do lines of K on the floor then a white man stops us n asks us for some then i give stingy lines for the $20 he gave me cuz i don't get paid til lik end of the month or something.

iknewSummer wuz over when we held each other when we got out of the station n k holed in an intersection n felt the sweat from our bodies glisten in the light the sun n ate artichoke pizza til we called ubers behind each otherrzz backs .

Always luv n support ur fwendzz dreams by manifesting them via thrusting ur thussy in 4/4 time . im Waiting for my soulmate but it's taking forever so im passing the nitez inhaling cough drops like candy in front of tha bk bridge on a tues nite doin k w yr french fwend saying "CWaSaaaaint "rly loud n peeing together streams on tha rawks n trading shoes n telling stories of bad dates. I fukin fell on the rawks but steve maddin is kewl as fuk!!!!!

Startet my new job n i luv it. My kiddos r routy as hell n come from diff places in life but all love fashion n drawing n self expression!!! It's so kute n teaching them techniques in sewing n threading n bookmaking via zines ... so fulfilling n my headquarterz isrite nxt to tha Crythtsal meth i mean chystler building in midtown. It v profeshhh and i still rly hope my boss doesn't find my tumblr or ig cuz It will prob b it for moi. >:[[

Tired of ppl askin meh for threesomes n my tauruskink. saw a guy walkin around with his chiuaua on his shoulderzz N a lady eatin an avocado lik an apple n played the staring game with a squirrel at rockaway Beach. he won. It's my BDAAYYYY week!!!! I kant believe it's been an entire yr since my last bday!!!!!!!!!! Why r birfdayz a yr apart????? moi fam in town so i booked dem what i thought was a chil Airbnb near meh but dis bitch was fuckkn INSANE also the airbnB had asbestos in the ceiling and blood stains on the sheetz n on the floor!!!!!!!!!! Rehousing them took a min i searched for lik 2 hours on my phone for hotels in the surrounding area n it wuz So fuckin expensivv but it worked out] i lowkey hihkey got triggered cuz meh first roomie situation wuz TERIBLe. one of my roommates lik fell in love w me and wrote me a letter saying how he's the 2nd coming of jesus and im like the angel he's supposed 2 be w cuz my fav number is 12 ????????? ? ?? Also he asked for the letter back by knocking on my door at like 6am and burning it rite in front of me which was violent behavior n scary .i obv don't live there anymore but i rly still prefer living alone n am tryna save up for dat Asap back in my digital camera era n im tempted to bring fb albums back. Pix from dis week of my kute frwendz and me ft. cobra snake merch. Mark says i'm a superstar!!!!!!

i drove to filly 2 visit my fwend kenz n eat spicy tuna guac n go to a concert. Lizzy Mxalpine is sooo hot. But i wonder who hurt her cuz like …??????? Omg.

Also dere was an extrmtly drunk bitch behind my sis at tha concert who kept bumping into every1 n it was so annoying but also same. first time i went to philly wuz when i wuz 17 to share my poetry for the NAACP ni saw some1 get hit by a car n tht was kinda it for me 2 luv dat city. I luv luv luv filly. But im sry those cheesesteaks are

1. not Steaks fillt with cheeze.

2. Not good sandwiches enough to be called

sandwiches.

3. Just Meat with cheeze in between some stale grains.

i yam studying how to b an enneagram coach so i could teach classes n empower ppl to continue to find themselves n their path!!!! i yam tryna also Recruit more kiddos for the fashion workshop nxtmonth for my job!!! Who want meh to teach ur babies how to sew n make cool clothes!!!!!! My bday party wuz lit, n i boofed 4 my 25th. Its actually a V Vv v v v hard procedure n moi fwendzz said to clench real rite n hold it there til u khole but tbh i don't rly think idid it rite n i was warned ab the K squirts if i didn't clench rite n i wuz walkin around my own bday party w a wet butt. Butt itz ok cuz i luv science n i now hav a clear eyes Ketamine solution i kan boof myself when im alone. Or when im not alone. RAWR XD.

saw moi tumblr friend n scorpio crush n got kissed by my enemy/old lover/situation-ship n only lost $250 mayb gettin asked 4 600 more on top of datttttttt and l0st my ID as collateral at tha bar LOOK IM SRTYY BUT $1600 MINIMUM IZ LIKE NOT ACHIEVABLE N ITZ NOT MY FAULT LIKE 10 -20 PpL bailed. but im NEVEr hosting my own bday part EVERRR again cuz what the fuking FOOK that wasSTRESSFULZ.

IM HIGH AS SHIT ON AN ADDERL RUNNING AROUND TARGET N MY MUM KANNT KATCH ME EVEN IF SHE TRIED HAHHAHAMAHWAHAHA.

i Posted this super long ig caption w this hawt pic ofmeh wearing tiffs clothes of my reflectionzz moving Forward w nyfw/fashion industry / MODELING..

basically said Fuk it to it and knew id get a bunch of bookingzz after i posted tht shit cuz fashion industry wants ppl tht r like me - rebellious n new n edgy? But at the same time ostracize ppl like meh. Sooi just made a public statement tht i rly don't Give aflying fuk and now i got designers from columbia asking me to walk for their show in nyc in oct... I still don't kno but i finally got a call bak from callen lourde sayin they will accept me as a new patient starting 10/19 n i kant wait to spill all my mental fuckin illness on these professionalzz cuz it's ab time i get back to talkin ab y dissociation n retail therapy N adderal r my fav act of self kare AT M. speaking of soulmatezz do u ever get dat feelin around someon3 u don't know but u feel like u know them?? but u don't. n tht just makes u more curious ab them cuz it's rly an intriguing magnetic pull but ur also lik completely afraid of rejection n kno dat dating u would look like apologizing constantly n feeling avoidant n scared a lot of the timezzz so0000 Ya ima get fixed. my goals this yr before i turn 26 r to deeply invest in my private life n work on BOUNDARIEZZZ.

dating shuld b taken slowly n i don't wanna hav to give a lot of myself or feel the need to share everything at once to build a connection initially. everythin tht lasts long is a slow process Ni rly am in a better mental space w tht. But learning to express my needzz is important n i need to do dat in every relationship i hav.. I hav a lot of pain surrounding my familv n past as well as new trauma within the last 3 months.

so i need to rly unpack it . It's crZi how i thought i could heal by healing others, and how needing each other / community is healing but also in wayzzi am resentful now and emotionally drained be of it? i am not the giving tree N i need to acknowledge tht just bc i set boundaries w ppl it does not mean i will «lose my charm" or be rejected by Ppl or not be fully seen as "kind" or worthwhile.

EVERY1 shuld try to b trans at least ONCE in their lifetime n also if ur hawt u kill laternfliezz by Stomping on them three timez AT DA VERY LEASTTT. i am so000o worried ab corn kid too. HE JUST WANTS A NORMAL LIFE NOW! leave Him ALONE!!!!!!

i think mY publisher is mad at me and I keep having tha craziest diarrhea. Wish meh luck this week teaching in these conditionzz n still tryna b tha hottest reincarnation of devon Aoki. Also i hav been sleeping w music on n i woke up to yoke lore "beige"n tha lyrics fukin made me cry n masturbate .

"Tell me something I don't know

And lead me to the place where no one ever goes

Let me go under your skin

Let me find the demons that drive those heavenly

limbs

You know you're beautiful

But that ain't half the gold treasure in your soul what

you got 'cause I want it all

With your fingers in my mouth, I fail to see your faults

So please don't let me fall

So please don't let me fall

And I think we'd survive in the wild

We would eat plants and roots and dream about

electric fans"

Bless up, west side til I die, U kno i keep dat thang on me (bottle of Q pee mayo in my hello kitty tote bag) , taylor swift U Belong With Me listener on repeat cuz i'm a virgin again..... I feel so untouched ni want u so much tht i just kant resist u It's not enough to say dat i miss u, 0o 0o la la lalalLallalLalalLlalallalalaa im so sad i mised rolling loud.

xxxx renny :-[

[ennoshawty]

HQ CAPTAINS AS THINGS

i was bored and felt like doing a crackfic thing but i didn’t have any solid themes or good ideas

SO I PRESENT TO YOU - THE CAPTAINS. AS THINGS. IDK HOW TO WORD THIS BUT YOU’LL SEE AS WE GO ALONG.

warnings: VERY LONG, slandering a crybaby oikawa (lovingly), mentions f!reader, shitposting, mentions of violence in kita's, (a bit) yandere!kita, cursing, unedited, me being an idiot

officer!daichi

we are: vigilante/troublemaker

loving the enemies-to-lovers trope so much

nah bro you ain’t full criminal (bc my preppy ass could never) you just do the small vandalism things y’know like drawing peepees on government buildings and knocking over bins

u literally confessed to him by spraypainting the entire billboard by his workplace “I LIKE YOU” like way to go girl

He didn’t appreciate the creative graffiti but he rlly likes u so all u had to do was clean it and then next thing u know yall are out on a cute cafe date

but let’s talk about before yall got together

he’d CHASE u thru alleyways when he’d catch you writing “police sux” on the fuckin wall

bro is NOT AT ALL afraid to jump onto the roofs it’s FRIGHTENING to see this huge ass police officer storm after u

HES SO FAST HOT DAMN WOMAN HOW DO U GET AWAY FROM HIM??? USAIN BOLT WHOMST???

you’d almost always get away by a hair - he’s SO SO close

and it frustrates him but excites u oooooo arrest me shawty

and this would continue for a while

but yall have such fun fun banter - you’d tease him and he’d say something back and you’d bolt and he’d chase

some days he’d catch you. but in those times u slip away somehow

he’s having so much fun and doesn’t even know it

and then at one point he doesn’t even care about bringing u to justice anymore. he knows it’s bad for business and it’s unprofessional but he’s so attracted to u

he doesn’t even know it. HES IN DENIAL!!! his mind: “oh i’m just asking about her so that i know her motives” bruh no u just asked about our fav pastry this aint about crime anymore

and when he finally gets it,,,DINGDINGDINGDING SOUND THE ALARMS !!! MAN IS WHIPPED!! he’s more shy around u awww,,,doesn’t even want to chase u anymore but he will still engage in banter w u.

yall get a little peace treaty in the lil crush stage - you both are kinda aware of ur feelings towards each other but don't really wanna mess it up and jeopardize whatever's going on like bros PLEASE JUST KISS ITS INFURIATING

it’s more of a competition to see who will break the other first (and you lost he’s too hot)

he lets u joyride his cop car in an empty parking lot <3 he is the one <3 this is true love

u gotta marry him right now bro no excuses

u are no longer on the crime side of the law,,,u support him and only him fuck the rest of the cops (i’m jk of course...or am i)

u are his badass sidekick <3 unofficially of course until he marries u

u help him with the small things like helping lost children find their parents and helping old ladies cross the street

but you want to do the FUN stuff - chasing thieves and arresting drunkards.

unfortunately, he loves u too much to put u in danger so he keeps u from doing the dangerous things

after some protesting later, he trusts u to take care of urself. and now yall have a competition just like old times - whoever catches the most baddies at the end of the month wins (he WILL scold u if ur too reckless though)

THE TWO OF U ARE JUST GOOD COP BAD COP UHAHAHAHAHAHA

but it’s much more complicated than that - it’s either ur the laidback one and he’s the strict one or ur the fiery one and he’s the person like “calm down”

PLEASE HE HATES BRINGING U TO INTERROGATIONS he’s trying to be serious but you keep making him laugh istg he has to kick u out each time

u still make him laugh when u pout-glare at him thru the glass

bro says he’s not the stereotypical cop but the moment u surprise him with donuts and coffee in the morning he will make out w u right then and there

even though yall dating he still won’t let u play with his equipment

but sometimes u grab his walkie talkie when he’s not looking and prank call the others

and his coworkers know by now they’re like “oh it’s daichis gf” and go along with it HAHAHAHA “this is alpha 1, daichi just contracted ligma, over.” “roger, but what’s ligma? over.” “*inhale* LIGMA-” *daichi takes the walkie talkie back*

his coworkers are chill lmaoooo they love u two as a couple THEY ARE VERY SUPPORTIVE they planned a surprise anniversary party of when u joined the force (unofficially)

the juniors tanaka and noya are jelly ooooo but they respect their captain <3

u loooooove hanging out w the starry-eyed new recruit hinata and he’s bouncing around asking u personal questions “how did you date the commander!!! what’s he like as a bf??” he also accidentally exposes how much daichi talks about u in the office before he drags him away and murders him off camera

he does get u a walkie talkie that’s just connected to his line, tho. for emergencies. it’s ur second phone basically that only has his number in it

daichi LOVES it when u massage him after he’s had a long day but his shoulders are stiff as a statue,,,he’s also super stronk and can carry u anywhere <333

IMAGINE HE HAS A POLICE DOG - he doesn’t, but he’ll get one of his buddies to bring u a k9 unit so u can pet it and when he sees how happy u are he considers getting one PLSSS IT WOULD FIT HIM HELPPP

bro is VERY strict on safety. bulletproof glass in yalls house. alarms + cameras everywhere. trackers on every device. underground bunker. (just kidding lol)

daichi teaches u self-defense and gets u a bejeweled taser for ur bday <333 MARRY THIS MAN RIGHT NOW OR I’LL-

in other words i love daichi and he is husband material WIFE ME UP BUDDY

househusband!oikawa

we are: girlboss sugar mommy

somehow you tamed this bish to becoming your obedient malewife

and by obedient i mean whiny but compliant

IS MORE ATTACHED TO YOUR BLACK CARD THAN TO YOU. I SAID IT. THE TRUTH.

sure, he’s pretty and gives affection sometimes but the only time he’s bein cute and snuggly w u is when a new fendi purse came out and he wants it

his specialty is cooking but he’s so lazy he’s all “just get the maid to do it”

please give ur workers a raise he’s so demanding

when you take him to ur business parties hes ALWAYS bragging about you and ur large house with this and that and his favorite: indoor hot tub. he always brings up the indoor hot tub.

only reason you bring him is cuz he’s pretty and he whines when you leave him alone for too long

yall cant even stay for too long - he’ll practically drag u out of the building and whining that it’s too hot and his suit is too stuffy and to call a limo

he’s not afraid to embarrass u if u dont give him what he wants and he will spit out food at a formal dinner if its not to his liking

probably in competition w househusbands! makki and mattsun about who gets the best house so he’s constantly begging u for an extension to the house “please babe!!! makki has-” “no.”

8/10 times throws tantrums in public and 1465/10 times throws tantrums in the house

he wants to cry for the sake of crying. one time he lost his shirt and he wouldn’t stop bawling for 15 min

please find him a hobby

crybaby . the moment u give him the glare of death it’s over. but he’s got a cute crying face which makes up for his annoying whimpering

like he made the mistake of throwing a temper tantrum in the mall only for you to glare at him with a look that said “we’re discussing this when we get home and you’re gonna get your ass beat” and walk away. immediately stopped what he was doing and he was running after u, sniffling and mumbling apologies

please humble him and have him sleep outside. the couch is too luxurious to banish him to. he made sure of it himself. it’s reclining and has charging ports. he will not learn his lesson that way

does NOT want you to get a pet or a kid or even another sugar baby/househusband - he wants to be the center of ur attention

speaking of which he HATES it when you work for too long or work overseas. when u come back he’ll pout at u and give u the petty silent treatment

don’t bother trying to comfort him he thrives off of it and he’ll keep going so u can keep paying attention to him. if u just ignore him back he’ll come crawling back to u. “WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME IGNORING YOU?? DO YOU EVEN LOVE ME ANYMORE???”

one time yall got into a fight and he was all like “since ur being a rude mommy i’ll just find someone else !!!” inside u were like “oh god finally” but instead u said “okay”

ohmygod he panicked. he was rlly expecting for u to fight for him,,, but he doesn’t want to admit defeat first so he tries to go thru with it but you literally dont care. even when he has his chanel luggage packed and he’s standing by the door ur just like “ok bye bitch”

So he’s trying to stand by the door and wait for u to say that ur joking. ur not.

“fine! I’m leaving now!” “okay.” “...*sniffles*” “tooru, go.” “WAAAAH NO IM SORRY I DONT WANT TO-”

u knew this was going to happen sadly. u even hid the keys to all of the sports cars u own just in case he was actually going to go thru with it

tries to get in the gossip circle with the neighborhood trophy wives but they don’t think he’s cool enough. they like u though. they think ur hot asf and oikawa doesn’t like them no more bc theyre hitting on his ATM. but thanks to that u know all the gossip and shit even though u don’t ask for it

Every time u pass by a store where he thinks he wants something he’ll just cling to u and give the puppy dog eyes. like it could be out of nowhere and u see it and you’re like “where. which store.”

bro once he went luxury he never went back. he wouldn’t EVER step foot into a grocery store ever again congrats he’s been bimbo-ified

beat him with ur gucci belt pls it’s so funny

also please please PLEASE discipline him. tell him it’s NOT okay to just randomly purchase the entire swarovski store or to throw a party at ur house just bc he’s feeling petty about u being at work for too long. ofc he’ll bitch about it but you need to be firm

but don’t worry,,,he’ll get the idea when u take away black card privileges and slap him around (lovingly)

now he has to ask permission like a good boy. he’ll kneel and hug u and give a lil pout and whine

you got a bigass man child i’m sorry maam u should’ve picked tobio or ushi

ceo!kuroo

we are: secretary

bruh keeps it mostly professional during work hours

but that all gets shedded off like a snake when we on break

one minute he’s all “get these papers done by today or i swear on all that is holy i will destroy you” and then later he’s all “hey sweetheart wanna grab a cup of coffee”

flirty flirty FLIRTY FLIRTY AAAAA HES A MENACE

but you’re less than impressed bc y’know when the time clocks out and its time to go back to work he’s ruthless once more

HUMBLE HIM FOOL only when you’re on break though

will NOT stand for anyone else in the workplace bullyin u - NO WAY. only HIM

he’s got TONS and TONS of dirt on everyone in the office - NO ONE is safe so they wouldn’t even dare

RIP janet from accounting

that dumb bitch made the mistake of insulting u to ur face and in front of him. never heard from her again

it’s not even limited to the other employees - he’s not afraid to go off on a potential business partner if they dared disrespect you

bruh tries to call u on ur off days for the most randomest shit and to get ur attention

*picks up phone* “sir?” “ah! my favorite secretary ever! listen, i need you to grab my pens from my desk at the office and bring them to my place.” “...with all due respect, it’s 2 am, sir.”

but u have to comply with his ridiculous demands cuz he’s the bank

and he depends on u completely. as much as he hates to admit it - u have his schedules, itinerary, provide coffee, performance rates, stock info, you name it.

once u were out sick and he had the worst management - he’s not used to working without you

def tries to get some of ur workload off of u bc he’s worried that the stress of working for him made u sick + he doesn’t want to go thru scheduling again

prolly gets bored in meeting rooms and sends u little smirks and wiggles his eyebrows and weird looks while he’s sitting and ur standing in the corner like bruh pay attention

maybe sometimes he’s secretly makin fun of the presenter and doodling on his spare sticky note something funny to make u crack a smile

he’ll tease u for it of course “oh, secretary! you should be paying more attention! what would you do if this was important?” bruh i can multitask now keep airdropping me ur selfies i’m saving all of them (news flash: u dont save his dumbass selfies otherwise his ego will inflate too much)

sometimes likes to pull u aside from work to hug u - you say it’s highly unprofessional but he says it’s his stress reliever

you ALMOST got caught by one of the newbies and he was kabedon-ing you

he tries to play it off (since u were embarrassed too) but u know better,,,DO NOT LET HIM FORGET ABOUT IT he turns red and embarrassed every single time USE THIS TO UR ADVANTAGE !!

never goes into an elevator without you bruh is so attached to u n holds the doors open for you

but you have to open normal doors for him if he doesn’t know how it works (hint: manual doors. “why isn’t it opening on its own?” “sir, there’s a handle.” “but?? what does it do??”)

bruh acts like a dumbass sometimes so you can baby him :/// wtf man just because you’re rich doesn’t mean i’ll- ...wait...how much did you say…? that many zeros? HAND ME THAT FORK YES I’LL FEED YOU COME HERE- HERE COMES THE AIRPLANE BITCH

brings u to overseas trips and he spoils u too

no matter how much you insist that you’re ok he gives u a lot of luxurious items. “think of it as a bonus from me.” NOW YOU JUST HAVE A COLLECTION OF NICE SHOES/BAGS/JEWELRY AND HE LOVES IT WHEN YOU WEAR THEM TO WORK IT MAKES HIM SO HAPPY UGHHHHH

BRUH just a sugar daddy at this point “you have to look presentable for the next focus group so here’s a nice rolex watch” “sir, i don’t need-” “ah ah ah - it’s my treat.”

it’s pointless to refuse him but he still teases u for it like what???? “if i didn’t know any better, secretary, i’d say you’re just doing it for my money and not my fabulous looks and personality.” “exactly.” “hey!”

yall go for drinking parties a lot. whether with the whole branch or just the two of u

KARAOKE W KUROO AFTER A LONG DAY OF WORK <333 becomes a ritual between the two of u

he’s so silly when he’s drunk lmfaoooo goofy ass mf

but that’s only when it’s the two of u. he controls his alcohol around others and his uncool side is only for u <3

also ur the only one he trusts to take him back to his place and handle him

it’s the other way around too - when u drink a lot he looks after you <333

you have a higher tolerance than him and sometimes u have competitions between the two of u on who can drink more but then yall always end up shitfaced

HES the one who has a crush on you

you know the drill - gaslight gatekeep girlboss

he’ll do anything for u but wouldn’t ever admit it he simp

offers u the keys to his estate and offers for you to LIVE with him

bruh just marry me already ok WAIT WE’RE NOT EVEN DATING YOU NEED TO WORK ON THAT SIR-

he’s so awkward tryna confess to u,,,he may be this big hotshot ceo but he’s acting like a schoolgirl in love

probably prints u a confession when he asks u to go to the fax machine lmfao what a nerd

in other words ceo!kuroo is a nerd and you need to top him immediately get that bank

dog hybrid!bokuto

we are: owner

Husky-malamute breed!!! BEEG DOGGIE VERY HAPPY N DROOLY <333

OVERLY HYPER. JUMPS ON ANYONE AND U AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

he’s well trained i swear but the moment he sees something of interest then i’m sorry you just lost him

please if a robber came in he wouldn’t even attack them he’d just tackle them w hugs

he loves loves loves snuggles <333 u busy? nope!!! hug time!!! cooking something?? oo lemme see!!! whoops look at all those tomatos on the ground. u got a deadline coming up and u really need to focus?? CUDDLE TIIIIIIME- w-wait - huh?? why are u shoving me off?? do you - do you not - huh?!?! WHY ARE YOU LOCKING ME OUT OF THE ROOM?? NO!!!! I LOVE YOU!!! IDK WHAT EXAMS ARE BUT I WANT CUDDLES!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME????!!!

the WORST things u could ever do to him is leave him and call him a bad boy

HE CRIES ON THE SPOT </3 HOW COULD YOU </3

soso bummed when u go out of the house without him </333 waits by the door patiently waiting for u to come back </333 sob sob

the moment he hears the door unlock he LEAPS and his tail is wagging like CRAZY

he is SO STRONG. almost always knocks u over whenever he jumps on u

destroys EVERY toy u bring him. u leave him for 5 seconds and there’s stuffing all over the floor and whatever u brought him is nonexistent

tugs on the leash when u walk so much that it SNAPS

loves romping w the other dogs in the dog park but he needs to tone down on his friendliness he almost killed a lil orange chihuahua

gets distracted by EVERYTHING. ooh, squirrel! oo, butterfly! OOO HUMAN CHILD!! MUST EAT!!!

ok while he might be friendly, he still gets super super jealous. you both were outside and u were petting the neighborhood black cat and bruh almost swallowed his head

which u thought was weird bc the two are normally friends and are pretty nice around each other

so now he’s more feisty around him and any other cat that’d get ur attention

If it was a person, then that’s another thing. He’d be very friendly at first but then slowly realize that ur attention is more directed on them than him. then he’d go ballistic

but when u scold him for practically assaulting the poor dude and call him a bad boy,,,he’s lost it

u have to lock him in the other room and he’s crying and whimpering, scratching at the door. all he wanted to do was protect u from that bad bad man who took away his owner’s attention !!!

def snarls at the dude next time he comes into ur house/apartment...dude never came back

“GRRR” “AAAA GET UR FRIGGIN DOG B-” “he don bite” YES IT DO GET UR-”

doggie bokuto rlly tries to be slick...it doesn’t work. like he tries to do that thing when he’s a total demon towards the guy but then act like an angel around u but it doesnt work bc he’s not smooth

doggie intelligence: 2 IQ. one time u got him a puzzle box and hid a treat in it but bruh couldnt figure it out just straight up monched the entire puzzle simply bc he smelled his fav bbq treat in it

speaking of intelligence - he only knows how to say a few words like ur name and incomplete sentences. speaks in barks and whines and sometimes a word

SO BIG THAT HE GRABS FOOD FROM THE TABLE WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING

u had some delicious beef steak? oh dear, where did it go? there’s ur puppy kou with steak sauce all over his lips

big fan of hiking trips, sports, literally anything that involves going out

he LOVES getting dirty outside playing. boi cant control himself from rolling around in the mud

hates baths at first but then he likes how u spray the water on him and giggles awww he likes bath time now

we all know he’s not the brightest pup of the pack but,,,he’s somehow psychic. he knows when ur taking him to the vet

HE THROWS A BIG FUSS ALL THE TIME - sometimes he tries to hide but his huge tail under the couch gives it away

and he knows when ur thinking of taking him on a walk. he also begs u to take him outside by settling his head in ur lap and pouting until u give him what he wants

he likes the big ol doggie sweaters/pjs u buy him...but he always ruins them. no matter how much u buy him, they’re all ruined. he complains how scratchy it is and it feels weird on him

knows LOTS of tricks but if u teach him more than what he already knows he will forget one of them he’s like a damn pokemon

he feels ur emotions :((( if ur mood is down his tail droops :(( and he gives u cuddles and tries to make u feel better

he even likes to make a fool out of himself and be silly if it makes u laugh :((( he’s so precious

in other words i love doggy bokuto

pirate!ushijima

we are: kidnapped

ah yes we’re are captives of the most fearsome pirates of the seas: shiratorizawa

just so you know, tendou was the instigator. he was all “let’s kidnap a noble’s kid and get the ransom money!” (whether you actually are a noble or not is up to you)

thing is, nobody’s willing to pay (if you aren’t a noble) or the pirates really pissed off the folks in charge and are now doing a manhunt

so yeah you aren’t going back anytime soon

but he’s a pretty good sport about it - very hospitable

he notices the little things u like and gets them for u <333 sighs <333

he saw you reading that book? wow look at that, there’s suddenly a stack of them and the same genre he saw you reading

but you definitely shouldn’t test him. he’s SUPER scary when it comes down to it

you saw how ruthless he was with the rogues that had dared to challenge him on sea

mf made them walk the plank

you help on the ship bc u wanna be useful and also shirabu keeps being mean

he asks u to teach the crew how to read cuz theyre dumb as shit and only know water and treasure

speaking of treasure - when he leaves u on the ship to explore a cave, he gets u really pretty jewelry <33 anything u ask for

“oh, welcome back captain. how was your mission?” “i brought back a few trinkets i thought you might like.” *reveals whole chest of priceless gems* “are they to your liking? if not, we can set sail for something else that might interest you.” “I-”

bruh got a pet eagle - u ask the crew and they dont even know how tf it happened

hell, even he doesn’t know how it happened wtf. “oh. one day it flew down to me and i fed it. that’s all.” wtf

equivalent to diluc’s bird - he didn’t even give it a name so he gives u the honors

U name him rigatoni (you got a great naming sense btw)

oh my god oh my god oh my god HE TRIES TO PROTECT U WHEN PPL WERE TRYNA INVADE THE SHIP

it was the first thing he did no cap - burst into ur room and scoops u up <33333

“what the-” “we need to get you to safety. we are under attack.” and holds u close to his chest AAAHSIDHFPSDHFN OH MY LORD YES

HAS THE TEAM GIVE U SELF DEFENSE LESSONS AFTER THAT

tendou tries to give u a sword but ushi says no “she could hurt herself.”

“but ushiwaka! we can teach her not to hurt herself” “...it’s my orders.” “c’mon, be more honest, ushiwaka! what’s the real reason?”

he goes quiet then looks at u “...i’ll always be there to help. she’ll have me.” AOISHSDHFSNDF

HELPPPPP SIOJFDSKFJP HES SO CHARMING AND HE DOESNT EVEN TRY

but the rest of the crew are like “then what’s the point”

but tendou sneaks u a dagger just to be safe

sorry ur apart of the crew now - but they’re like a family even if they did kidnap u

oh whatever your life before wasn’t as cool as this (no offense)

they are given orders to protect u at all costs

speaking of which - ushi isn’t all that great w guns

almost blew his own head off tryna figure out how it works before reon snatched it from him

he brings you with him to towns and cities and he likes taking u to the markets to get you stuff

ushijima tell me your love language is gift-giving without telling me your love language is gift-giving-

he finds out you’re pretty good at bargaining and brings you onshore a lot more

is mesmerized at how you absolutely BERATE the merchant who was tryna rip you off like sis where is this violence coming from??? he loves it??

he also likes to stop by some pretty islands and imagines just settling down in such a nice place w you <333 SIGHS <333 VERY <333 LOUDLY <333

no matter how much he likes you...he will NOT let you drive the boat under any circumstances </3 its his livelihood c’mon man

whenever you have to stay on the ship while he’s away he sends rigatoni to give messages and the two of u talk thru messages

speaking of which rigatoni is fierce and can definitely sink his talons and his sharp beak into any bastard that dares get near you while the captain is away

wakatoshi “swimming is for pussies” ushijima - he’s water resistant

bruh so powerful he walks on water

second coming of christ who

IM JUST KIDDING he does swim but we hardly ever see it

legends say (tendou says) he looks rlly awkward doing it and only knows how to doggie paddle

speaking of our homeboy tendou - he loooves spooking the team (and especially you) with scary stories . don’t worry tho - this is all a ploy to get the beeg pirate husband to comfort u at night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he is ur wingman u can count on him. but his suggestions are ridiculous

“Jump off the deck and see if he’ll catch you!” um excuse me- THOU SHALT NOT PUT BIG HUSBAND TO THE TEST

he’s got good intentions...i think…

but everyone literally knows he would dive after you

in other words pirate!ushijima is a softie at heart but goddamn he probably secretly has a pet shark so dont test him or u goin overboard

mafia leader!kita

we are: associate from different group/family

kita highly respects u and yall have been acquainted since u were young with the alliance of ur families

so in a way ur childhood friends but yall do have lil bit of friendly rivalry a bit

arranged marriage whuuuutttt...yeah thats what happened but u love him <3

nobody else knows about ur arranged marriage but you two

POLITE GENTLEMAN <333 !!! HNNNNNNNN his granny raised him right even tho he’s a mafia leader

RICH BOY RICH BOY RICH BOY- ALWAYS DRESSES DASHINGLY AND SMELLS GREAT MMMMMM

he owns the majority of the underground casinos

and has lots of connections with others. countless, might i add.

you on the other hand specialize as an arms dealer so he cherishes your services the most

prob has the traditional tattoos allllll over his back and shoulders w like a dragon or sm and def a fox or kitsune

when u two were little he asked ur favorite flower and GOT THAT TATTOOED ON HIS BACK <3 probably secretly has your initials hidden in there somewhere

u both have a silent understanding of each other and he talks to u more than he does anyone

before he used to smoke but once he figured out that you didn’t like the smell of cigarettes he quit just like that

his underlings, the miya twins are so confused on how kita switches from totally brutal and ruthless to so soft around u

they can’t tease him for it, though, cuz he’d pulverize them

but they want to know more about u,,,you mysterious enigma,,,but kita would kill them if they dared asked about you

so they go to inarizaki’s most secretive informant/cyber mercenary, suna rintarou

and suna knows all about you. he saw you one time and he was curious about who you were and is now rlly scared of you because he dug too deep and you’ve got LOTS of history

he doesn’t dare tell the twins what he found no matter how much they bug him

until they bribe him at just the right price

and when aran finds out and tells kita?? ohhh boy it’s lights out for all three of them

oh my god ,,, would kill for u he loves u so much

one time you were kidnapped and held hostage

bro saw red

MAFIA ANNIHILATION SPEEDRUN ANY % NO GLITCH

he got world record time

wiped out the entire conglomerate behind it - nothing and nobody left behind after that

and of course, made sure you were safe.

yandere? ofc not...i mean...just look at him...so innocent...he would never...sharpening that knife...with splattered blood all over him...

is now joined at the hip with u,,,no matter how much you tell him you’ll be fine now and that you have tons of reliable bodyguards he won’t let it go

“don’t you have to go back to your place?” “this is my duty as both a fellow associate and your future husband.” aww,,,ur so sweet...but BRUH PLEASE GO HOME ARAN IS DOING EVERYTHING OVER THERE

makes sure to build a headquarters DIRECTLY NEXT TO YOURS so that its faster

and it’s not long until he just signs a deal to merge ur factions together (since yall getting married anyways)

and oh my god...ur underground wedding is SO SO PRETTY

absolutely DOESN’T care if he’s smuggling jewels from different countries - he’s having your ring CUSTOM MADE and the way you want it. “the diamond is too small? sure thing, darling, i’ll have it 7 times that size.”

makes sure everything is perfect in ur wedding <333 its very extravagant and even though its not really his style he’ll do anything for you

he absolutely WOULD take your last name if you wanted. FIGHT ME ON THIS

takes you to his private island for ur honeymoon so that the two of you don’t have to worry about work

meanwhile aran is scrambling around the place trying to cover for the both of you

he’s a VERY romantic husband - NEVER takes off his ring even for security. he says its practically a part of him just like you are <3

the ring has a built in tracker connected to an app. possessive? noooo...

in other words this escalated pretty quickly but i aint complaining if it gets me married to kita

--

--EXTRA EXTRA!! other characters’ roles!!--

officer!daichi:

karasuno squadron consists of:

cops: daichi (duh), asahi (mostly patrol, he hates confrontation), tanaka & noya (mostly accompanied by ennoshita), hinata & kageyama

investigators/detectives: sugawara, ennoshita, yamaguchi, tsukishima, kiyoko, yachi

surveillance: narita, kinoshita, tsukishima too

househusband!oikawa:

makki and mattsun are also househusbands

iwaizumi is a malewife fhasodjkasdhf-

ceo!kuroo:

lev is the newbie that walked in on u two-

janet still a bitch

kenma is his fellow ceo buddy. he also owns a multimillion dollar company and kuroo’s and his have a sort-of contract so you see him a lot in meetings

yaku is like one of the top performing managers so whenever yall have branch meetings he’s there

dog hybrid!bokuto:

kuroo is the black neighborhood cat bokuto almost murdered cough cough i did that on purpose yes i did

kenma is also another neighborhood cat. you don’t see him around that often but now that bokuto got jealous he stays far away.

hinata is the orange chihuahua i briefly mentioned

i couldn’t decide whether akaashi would stay human and be his previous owner or also be a cat/dog/owl. so lets say he’s ur human friend that is your bestie and comes over a lot. bokuto likes him, though. still gets jealous a bit.

pirate!ushijima:

tendou is practically is right hand man

the rest of the team have something to give idk how to explain pirate team members okay-

BUT BUT BUT- they do have sea rivals which are the seijoh pirates. you ran into them one day and oikawa thought you were kidnapped (you were, but you liked it there) so he tried to do you justice and failed miserably. ushijima ragdolled him into the ocean when he flirted w you.

mafia!kita:

the twins are something akin to mercenaries basically. or just plain lackeys.

suna is an informant/cyber mercenary. he gathers information about ppl which is how he knew about you. and he’s a hacker lol.

aran is his second-in-command, omimi + ginjima are his bodyguards

a/n: im going to regret posting this

[kmcarras]

Many things:

- I like the voice of the adult eddie❤️

- I thought for a moment I was going to see Eddie's mother 😂

- The girls who made fun of eddie are SLUTS and bitchs!!! 😠😠, but ... I really liked the design!!!! 😍😍

- When Eddie was crying in the bathroom😭 and he remembered what beverly said to him, I thought it was beverly who had entered the bathroom

- When Eddie came out of the bathroom stall and threw himself at Richie I thought he had kissed him !!!!

❤️🤗👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

- I found it super adorable and cuddly when richie tells eddie to get on his feet and he started walking around the bathroom 😆😆😍😍😘😘

And I already said this on instagram, but I really consider this as a birthday present since it was the 30th and you uploaded it to the next 😭😭❤️❤️ thank you very much !!!!

ooooooh! it is a mystery who the adult voice belongs to, but i love your theory that it is adult eddie :D we might still see sonia, but there wasn't a need to see her in this part yeah those girls were really awful, and eddie tends to get picked on a lot, so he has definitely developed some internalized misogyny from girls like them and greta, and this plays into some of his distrustfulness with bev, as well as his distrusting of richie when richie initially confessed that he liked him. and i'm glad you liked their designs!! mia was inspired by jenna rink from 13 going on 30 hahahah i think someone else told me they also thought bev entered the bathroom!! oh man my bad on clarity there im glad you thought eddie had kissed him at first! i was going for that where it's like "omg did they?? oh no they didnt, but it's still very sweet." when i had made this but still with the rough drawings, i showed it to my best friend, and she had the same reaction. she's not even into reddie, but she gasped and went "awww" and it made me happy im glad you liked how richie kinda held him like a rag doll and danced with him. i think that's one of my favorite moments so far. and the whole "put your feet on my feet" and then having him walk with him is something my friends and i used to do at that age and i was happy i could find a way to incorporate that im so happy it was able to feel like a bday gift for you and im so sorry it has been so long since the last update with all the chaos in my life lately. hopefully there will be another update around your bday time this year too :) thank you so much for all your love, kindness, patience, and support <33333

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #315

“can’t breathe to scream  /  suffocating in this dream  /  long way down”

Who was your first big crush? I would probably say this guy in high school named Sebastian. We sat beside each other in Art, and I definitely liked him a lot. Man, my freshman-sophomore years honestly involved a handful of crushes before Jason popped into the picture and I lost all romantic interest in everyone else. Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? N/A Is it a blue sky outside right now? No. All North Carolina has known for weeks on end now is rain. We've had very rare sunny days, but for the most part, it's just gray and gross. Was your last breakup a bad one? Nah, I'd say it ended maturely and with a mutual understanding of "why." When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Hell if I know. Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Yeah, like strawberry. What was the last sitcom you watched? No clue. ^ Do you have a favorite character in that sitcom? Why is that character your favorite? N/A What does the last group you joined on Facebook concern? I am 90% sure it was this group I joined that is literally just about cute yet dangerous animals lmao, mostly reptiles and invertebrates. "Misunderstood biteybois and where to befriemd them" or some stupid shit like that. Has there been a spider in your house at any time recently? Not that I've seen, no. Do you like wearing make-up? Not at all. I only like wearing it for pictures and then taking that shit off. ^ If so, how old were you when you first started to wear it? I started consistently wearing it my freshman year of high school. Then some time later I just showed up one day without any, shocked all my friends, and then only wore it when I felt like it. What foods are you craving lately, if any? Nothing, really. What were some of your favorite foods as a child? Chicken nuggets of course, as well as spaghetti, peanut butter sandwiches, just the typical stuff that kids tend to enjoy. When you were younger, did you ever have a friend that your parents hated? No. Have you ever talked in your sleep before? That's very normal for me, especially now that I have nightmares like every goddamn night. What was the last song you heard, that reminded you of someone? Well, not a real someone, but "The Ordinary World" by the Hit House is 110% one of Fetch's soon-to-be themes. What has brought you joy today? Nothing brought me "joy," really. When was the last time you won a prize in a raffle? What was it? I actually recently won an art rafle on deviantART hosted by a truly amazing artist, like I thought I had no chance, and she's going to be drawing Moondust!!!! :'''') What is the next non-essential item that you intend to buy for yourself? I'm still paying the bulk of my tattoo in May. Is there anywhere in your town/city that's rumored to be haunted? Oh, I'm sure. When you were younger, did you ever think that a certain place was haunted? Bitch I still do lmao. What were your school meals like? Did you enjoy them? This really depended on the menu for the day. My school lunches were nowhere near as bad as some people make theirs sound, but most things still weren't great. I think school pizzas are the most notoriously bad. What kind of granola bar did you eat most recently? I had a cashew bar earlier today. Do you have any books on your shelf that you've read multiple times? I never reread books. What did your last post on social media concern? That I personally wrote, something regarding subtle racism still being racism, pretty much. How do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: PETA, abortion…) I have mixed feelings on this. Like sometimes seeing the brutal side of certain things is definitely useful in opening someone's mind to things they don't want to see/think about, but then there's that, too: it can just be so invasive and unexpected, and thus very upsetting and even scarring. I'd say I'm most for the "appropriate" social media route: using censorship that the viewer can decide whether or not to remove. But you obviously can't do that in like, a public protest with a sign, so idk. Which is harder for you: writing creatively or academically? Honestly, both are pretty easy for me. I enjoy writing creatively far more, though. Do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea? I think it's fine to have them as an option. When was the last time you voluntarily went outside of your comfort zone? Just talking about stuff in group therapy recently. Would you ever use a dating site that costs money, like Match.com or eHarmony? Have you known anyone who had good experience with such sites? No, and yes. Do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making YouTube videos? Yes? It takes charisma and talent in some area (humor, education, etc.) as well as consistency for it to be a reliable career, and just consider how often you hear about creators burning out. That happens for a reason. Entertainment is a valid job category and should not be seen as an unfair joke. Whether you’re in college or not, do you become fearful about whether or not you’ll find a good job? Story of my life. What is something you can only understand if you've experienced it first hand? Deep heartbreak. Do you think it's a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it's assault? Obviously. Abuse knows no gender, and hitting another person is just that. I do, however, believe in self-defense, also regardless of gender. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important... Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. This requires too much thinking, haha... but I do know the quality of my honeymoon would be most important to me, given that that's personal time with my new spouse and not a public celebration. I feel like what goes on behind closed doors is more important and heartfelt than how you act publicly. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Probably video games or music, idk. Define "small talk." Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) Mom does. She just a few days ago had to borrow $100 for rent. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? It'd be dope as fuck if someone could pay for Venus' next terrarium, but that's a big purchase that I'd have a hard time accepting. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? At least one, but her name is spelled differently. What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? I'm not sure, but I can tell you that "When It's Love" by Van Halen has always been high on the list for me. Was your mother married when she had you? No, actually. I thought she was until my most recent bday, I think. It was just part of a conversation. How old was the first person you kissed? He was a few months into 18. The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? Of course, he's a sweet guy. We don't talk or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That'd be pretty rad. What are you listening to at the moment? "Long Way Down" from the The Evil Within soundtrack. It's funny, like I've loved the game for many years, but I'm now in a serious semi-obsession phase after watching another let's play of it. Have you read the The Hunger Games trilogy? I only read the first book. I loved it, but just never continued. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Who is the person you dislike the most? That I personally know, probably a former best friend, oddly enough. Do you text your parents often? If Mom's not home, it's not unusual for us to text. I don't text my dad much because he's not a fan of texting. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Pretty much always. Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Sara, my aunt, and my cousin. Those are the ones I know of, anyway. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. If someone else is here, they usually just park where the road meets the sidewalk of the cul-de-sac. Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? Of my dog Teddy, yes. Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes, as a kid. Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? Definitely no flash. It's more natural, and especially with people, it obviously prevents red eye. How often do you use hashtags? Just about never. Have you ever had whiplash before? No. Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? Pets, yes. I could never bathe another human. Is there a birdbath in your yard? No. Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? Nowhere weird, I think... How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? Technically three, if you count my snake's heat lamp. Right now that's the only light that's on. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Yeah, reading comes to mind first. Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? I'm not up-to-date on this stuff at all, not even video games. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? I know Girt's recommended me music I haven't been a fan of. We like the same general stuff, but there are specific sub-genres we differ in opinion about. Can you unwrap a Starburst in your mouth? ... There are people who do this to even know in the first place??? What is the last thing you ate? Popcorn. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Sara. Do you know how to grill a steak? I don't know how to cook, period. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog currently, but Mom is looking for one pretty intently. We don't know the size it'll end up being. Do you like walking places? Absolutely not. I can't walk far at all without my legs starting to scream at me because leading such a sedentary lifestyle led to muscle atrophy in my legs. It's incredibly embarrassing. Are you a fan of bands most people don’t know of? That's not uncommon for me. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It's deeper than the average woman's. Do you have a pool? No, but I really, really want one... Given how easily I sweat, I would love to use swimming to strengthen my legs. I could also stop the very moment I feel I need to; it in general sounds like something I could quite easily do. How many times have you been on a plane? Ummm including the trips going back, at least six times. Favorite ice cream flavor? Oh my gooooood, if you haven't tried Ben & Jerry's "phish food"... fucking try that shit. It is innnnnncredible. Do you have a TikTok? Nope. Do you enjoy driving? Fuck no I don't. Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic was and still is my fave, ha. Favorite YouTuber? There's this one called Markiplier that I think's pretty cool. How many online accounts do you have? A LOT. My whole life is essentially on the computer, so... .-. Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama? Quite the opposite. Do you collect quarters from every state? No. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Not since we moved into this place. When you were little did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney probably topped Nickelodeon. I didn't watch much CN. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Either my niece or nephew when saying bye. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes, as a kid. I even had a magician for my bday once. When was the last time you vomited and why? It's been a year or so. It would've been a side effect of starting a certain med that I didn't stay on because it so consistently made me sick. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Either in my bed (I know) or at the dinner table if Nicole is here to eat with us. What time do you usually go to sleep at night? It's typically around 7:30-8:30, occasionally a bit later. I can't believe as a teen, it was my "rule" that I couldn't go to sleep before 10:30 because it was "too early." Nowadays, I can barely imagine regularly staying up that late. Do you avoid using public restrooms? As best as I can. I've seen some nasty shit. What’s your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. How basic.

[titsthedamnseason]

If you haven't done it already can you do headcanons about Julian's birthday?

bitch you know it asdfghj and by some miracle ive actually gotten these done before the two weeks that could potentially be his birthday are over so happy birthday julian!!

julian has never really had a big birthday celebration before

of course emma and the kids and diana always got him gifts and spoiled him

you know, doing chores for him, letting him relax for a day, stuff like that

but poor julian is a worrier so he’d always end up insisting to help anyway, saying that he wanted to

he even would always make the cake since no one else could

it wasnt until later that everyone realized that every time they had tried to spoil julian on his birthday, he turned it around on them, and he wound up doing most of the work

they are determined to make his 18th birthday different

helen and aline are more than capable of holding down the fort now

plus julian and emma take a break from their travel year for the holidays and are in the institute for julian’s birthday

which could be anytime from jan 1-15 but my personal hc is that it’s on new years day (wink wink)

so anyway julian and emma will be in la for his bday and julian is a lot more carefree this year so everyone is highkey determined to give him the best birthday this year

nobody wakes him up early, and after staying up so late the night before his normal internal clock doesnt wake him up as usual

at 12am everyone else shouted “happy new year!” and emma shouted “happy birthday julian!”

anyway when julian does wake up, later than usual, his first instinct is to shoot out of bed and get the kids breakfast but he takes a moment to himself to revel in the fact that this is his first birthday spent waking up next to emma as her boyfriend

emma seizes her moment and convinces him to stay for just a while longer, im sure the kids are fine, helen and aline have been taking care of them for months

julian gives her like five minutes of kisses and cuddles before beelining for the kitchen

he finds that everyone else has already been up for an hour or so and has already eaten breakfast

the second he enters the kitchen everyone yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and he is bombarded with hugs and drawings and cards and stupid gag gifts from the kids that he accepts with a smile cristina and mark both hug him as well and he’s pleasantly surprised to see them

(if you read my tda holiday hcs i made them leave before this point but awsxdcfvgyh they come back to surprise him)

he grabs a plate for himself reluctantly, wont stop apologizing to helen and aline that he overslept

they keep telling him they dont care but, surprise surprise, he’s not listening

when julian goes back to his room to get dressed he finds emma already ready with his favorite blue dress of her’s on and holding a present for him

his reaction is “oh that reminds me” and he pulls out another gift from under the dresser

emma is like ????? and julian is like “…for you” and emma is still like ????? so then julian explains “i got you a new year’s gift too”

emma is like fuck that shit this is a birthday gift asdfgyhu “who the fuck buys new year’s presents” “i dont know i love you” “i love you too but what the fuck julian now i look bad” “you couldnt look bad if you were trying”

anyway after emma gets it through julian’s head that he does deserve a birthday gift and no, she refuses to open up his gift to her on his birthday, nice try, julian, he opens it up

it’s a new blue shirt that almost exactly matches emma’s dress which is “an unfortunate coincidence”

he cant stop telling her it’s too much, you shouldnt have, and emma is like hoe you think im done??? think again

but actually she doesnt say that, she just says youre welcome asdfghyuj

anyway

they go meet everyone in their matching outfits and they all just hang around a bit, there isnt much else julian could ask for than to be with his family

but at lunch emma surprises julian with a picnic for the two of them at the beach

she promises that she didnt touch the food, she had aline make it all asdfrghy

once they finish emma gives julian more presents(“this is a prank right?” “am i laughing? actually i am but not because this is a prank, please just open the presents” ) 

the first is a whole set of paints and brushes and other art supplies i know nothing about, all custom made, the brushes with inscriptions on the handles( “jb” “as long as you exist and i exist i will love you” “i love you more than starlight”)

julian: where did you get that last quote from?

emma: i thought of it

julian: *melts*

he asks how she knew what supplies to get him and she told him how she saw him looking at all this stuff back in that shop in london and went back to get it for him

he’s so touched

he is already certifiably not okay™️ because the whole day has been against everything he’s ever known and he feels weird, he just wants to give something to someone, literally anyone

julian is so happy and when emma pulls out an envelope he has to bite his tongue to keep from saying “oh no not again”

emma just gives him a look when she sees him holding back asdfgbhgt

he’s preparing himself for some sort of long sentimental card from her that will probably make him cry but what he gets is worse

it’s just a piece of paper that says “im having so much fun on our date right now, but id love it even more if you came with me to the louvre to our next one”

julian is shooketh to a level beyond all levels

he cant imagine why emma looks so worried he wont like it

they laugh and hug and then proceed to kiss a lot before going back to the institute 

julian is ready to just chill now 

he comes in and there are decorations filling the entryway

a million balloons, streamers, banners

he looks at emma who just shrugs but she’s smiling so big and has a knowing look on her face 

there’s a beautifully decorated poster next to the staircase that says “TAKE ONE” and there’s a party hat for emma and a ridiculous crown for julian that says “it’s my birthday!” under it

they follow a trail of posters with arrows on them to the living room(im pretty sure they dont call it that but the room with the computer in it is where they always hang out so that’s what i mean awsedfvgbh)

everyone yells “SURPRISE” when they walk in and julian is sure he’s in a permanent state of shock

like yes he just followed an entire trail of arrows to get here but it’s still so much more than he expected

they eat pizza and play music and all just hang out and it’s a fun time

at one point julian goes to adjust his crown but everyone thought he was taking it off and yelled at him aesdxcfvgbh

they play stupid party games like pin the tail on the donkey(which theyre all good at since theyre shadowhunters asdfghjui) and charades and stuff like that

everyone gives julian more presents and he thinks he might combust

they sing to him and have cake

they give him one more gift after they sing and it’s a photo album of julian and his siblings and emma through the years

there are ones of baby emma and jules playing to 12 year old julian intently speaking to ty and livvy to 14 year old julian reading with tavvy to 17 year old julian laughing with dru to ones with helen, mark, aline, and cristina in them and ones from the travel year and julian is amazed

he’s so touched and he’s proud that he only cries a little

a little after that everyone starts getting tired since they stayed up until midnight the night before

diana goes home, tavvy goes to bed, followed by dru and ty shortly after

when julian hugs ty on his way out he almost feels like livvy is there too, and he doesnt understand why ty goes pale when julian tells him, julian worries he shouldnt have said anything before ty just smiles and says “good” before walking out

everyone else goes to bed shortly after

julian and emma are laying in julian’s bed when she pulls out a card for him, but tells him it’s nothing special

he opens it and begs to differ

the front of the card says “so many ways to say i love you” and she has filled the inside with ways she said it over the years

“protecting you in fights”

“i’ll put the kids to bed tonight”

“i would do anything for you, jules”

“we’re parabatai, we can do this”(julian doesnt like this one)

“take a break”

“please stay”

“i need you”

“your hair is a mess”(“really emma? “shut up”)

the list goes on until it ends with “i love you. love, emma”

they are both crying at the end

“i love you so much, emma”

“i love you, t––”

she doesnt get to finish

they have more important things to get to and, needless to say, they dont get much sleep that night either

[manontrashbeak]

Before II

Who’s ready for Before chapter two? I know it’s been a while and I was going to post this past weekend but my 17th bday was Saturday so consider this my Valentines Day gift. Your welcome.

~~~~~~

Before II

Villette has never been more infuriated in her life. Not only does she need to attend the rutting ball, but also dance with the prestigious little ass whose hosting it. Villette has not left the castle since her and her family had gotten back from Briarcliff two days ago. Now, the only chance to escape this extravagant stone prison is to attend Sir Lawrence’s Femme Cherchant ball tomorrow night.

Slamming the door to her mother’s sitting room, she starts stalking down the hall back to her own chambers.

“It’s not very nice to slam doors,” Corianne, her third oldest sister, says from just behind her. Villette whirls on her a snarky remark ready.

“Oh, none of your mouth. Sir Lawrence is important for us, and you will respect him and the plan mother has for you.”

“Excuse me? Respect? I’m getting thrown into prostitution,” Villette says. A plan is one thing, this is ludicrous.

“It is not prostitution,” Corianne flushes blue. Corianne being the prude she is does not like when little ladies use bad words.

“You need him for money and I’m getting sold into playing nice for said money. Tell me, what about that isn’t whoring? And besides your not married why can’t you entertain Lawrence?”

“Because I’m over two centuries old. He needs a wife who will be close in age, mind, and opinions as him, and you will be that wife,” Corianne smiles politely. “Well, that is if we can get your attitude straightened out. Which we will. Now, you tell me, have you heard from that other witchling from the street?”

Why the hell would she have heard from that dark haired witch?

“Why would I have? I’ve never even met her before.”

“So defensive. Maybe because you couldn’t stop staring at her? Or the fact you have drawings of her in your room?” Corianne‘ polite smile turns wicked. All Villette sees though is red.

“You went in my room?!”

“Yes, I did. Problem? Something to hide?”

“No,” Villette says quickly, to quickly, “What is in my room is none of your business.”

“Mhm sure. See you later, baby sister,” Corianne heads the other way back towards their mother’s sitting room. Villette runs her hand through her hair pushing it back.

Unbelievable.

~~~~~~

Madrona had never been more infuriated in her life. Not only was she going to have to go to the ball, but she also has to work it. The last thing she wants to do tomorrow is serve prestigious little Crochans and their rutting toys. Madrona slams open her apartment door to not just see her mother, but two others as well.

“Hello, Mad One,” her mother looks over with a small smile and a twinkle in her eye. It is not uncommon for Madrona’s mother to act polite in front of others, but what is uncommon is that look in her eye and the fact there are two other witches sitting in her kitchen.

“Hello, mother, what’s going on?” Madrona walks up to the table and takes a seat next to her mother. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh no, dear, quite the opposite actually,” a brassy haired witch says from across from her. She’s wearing a blue cloak and has a circlet on that looks barbed. Madrona cringes inwardly. But nearly as much as when she looks over at the other witch. Hag is a better word for that one. She’s old. Old enough that her teeth are rusting. Her ironteeth are out, which is strange, no one ever wears their iron out.

“What does that mean?” Madrona looks over to her mother. Her mother glances at the other two.

“Celeste,” her mother gestures to the blonde with the barbed metal, “Has had a vision.”

“Am I going to die?” Madrona looks towards her mother now very frightened.

“Maybe. Celeste saw someone- an ironteeth- sitting on the throne,” the old hag says calmly. Her mother glares at the bitch. “We’re going to make sure that happens,” Hag continues on completely dismissing her mother’s deathly stare.

“We’re going to take over? Go to war?” She asks suddenly more anxious then frightened. She wants to fight, she wants her people to be treated fairly.

“Maybe, maybe not. Hopefully they’ll give up when we have a talk,” The hag continues without a care in the world. As of my mother isn’t about to jump out of her chair and rip her to pieces.

“When and where is this talk?” Madrona asks wanting-no, needing- to be there. She needs to know if she’s going to war, going to fight for equality. Living here in the capital city has never been easy. The Crochans keep to themselves and get treated... better. Better jobs, better houses, better life. It’s time for that to end, for mortals, ironteeth, and Crochans to live alike.

“Well, that is where you come in,” Celeste says quietly, almost gentle.

“We have not decided on that solution,” her mother looks pissed. Why? She can do this, whatever this is.

“It is the easiest and quickest solution we have,” The Hag snaps on my mother. My mother leans forward in her chair, as if she is about to pounce.

“You are working tomorrow, yes? Well, we need to get into to that ball and you will be our way in,” Celeste says seemingly before blood got splattered. “You being a waitress means you’ll have access to the servants door, we’ll get in that way.”

“Why not just get an invitation?”

The Hag snorts at her. “You stupid girl, if we get an invitation they will know who did it.”

“Did what?” She confused now. What are they planning?

“Steal the princess.”

Tags: @thesoumimuffin @chloe123love607 @crazybookladythings

[cohentoplaywithmagic]

let me guess, another issue? || self-para

WHO: Tina Cohen-Chang, Electra Evyana and Pixel Prinander  WHERE: CPSC 110 , Pythagoras    WHEN:Thursday 16th February, Morning   WHAT: Tina always has a lot of issues that she is trying to deal with on her own, that sometimes she forgets how they can effect the other people around her.     WARNING: None.

She types away on her phone, the list of names longer, the concern growing. If anyone else read this list they might have thought it was beyond bizarre.

➽ THE INFECTED 

Blaine – Bench (Me)

Sam – Chapstick (Me)

Mike – Headphones(Me)

Hunter – Moon??(Maybe me?)

Marley – Dunno (Santana?...doubtful)

Quinn – Pillow(Madison)

Mason – Fiddle (Madison)

Seb - ??? (Madison)

➽THE UNINFECTED 

Madison – check in on

 Adam – check in on (Breakfast Friday!!!)

Santana- check in on

Rachel- check in on(Blainey Days’s Bday Pressie)

Elliott – check in on

Kurt- check in on

➽THE UNKNOWN 

Spencer – unknown state

Puck – unknown state

Ryder – unknown state

Finn – unknown state

Biff – unknown state

At least that was everyone for sure, right? Aether they could not catch a break any of them from chaos seems to follow them where they all seem to go. She reads over the list a couple of times, making sure that she hasn’t missed out on anyone but that seems to be all she can remember off the top her head. Her fingers scroll up and down the list. Hopefully seeing those who seem to have these weird infatuations wouldn’t do her head in too much

A slam of books draws her attention away from her phone. She locks her phone instantly looking up at the person who so rudely slammed their books down. Tina was about to protest, commenting that there were other ways that they could grab her attention but it was only Electra. Electra sat two seats away from Tina- which was a little odd. The girl sat slumped and in a mood that looked way too ticked off. On the left of her sat Pixel, his posture tight as if he was afraid for something that was to happen. Tina was going to question it but remembered the more that you asked the boy what the matter was, the more anxious he would grow, that was the last thing that Tina wanted to happen.

“Hey guys,” she greets them both.

Electra starts flicking through her texts books, ignoring Tina. Pixel tries to make himself look a little busy but fails miserably.

Tina repeats herself louder. “Hey guys!”

Still there is no reply.

“Electra? Pixel?” Tina shifts a seat over waving a little to get their attention.

Still nothing.

Tina takes another seat closer dragging her possessions along with her. “Guys, what the spell? You can’t hear me or something?”

Great just what Tina needed a must spell that made people ignore her. Aether world, pile it on why don’t ya?

Electra looked around the room, not a single time her eyes met Tina. “Gee, Pixel can you hear something? Cause I sure can’t.”

“Electra…I don’t want to get in between this…” he whispers quietly.

Tina furrows her eyebrows, “In the middle of what?”

Electra’s head flicked to Tina’s ,“Do you mind, we are trying to have a private conversation here. You know between friends?”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Tina took offence by her words.

Electra sat up a little straighter, her full attention on Tina, “I mean Tina. I am talking to Pixel because you know that is what friends actually do for one another, they talk, listen and help each other out. But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that.”

“Excuse me?” Tina sat back confused by Electra’s little sudden outburst.

“What I mean is Tina Cohen-Chang, when I have a problem I actually talk about it with my friends. Or you know not only the bad things but all the good things that are going on in my life too. Sadly, you don’t seem to want to do that with us.”

“What are you even talking about?” Tina is even more confused than she was before.

Electra inhaled, “Look who is finally using her phone again. When were you going to tell us?”

“Oh um…” Tina picks up her phone biting her lip. Aether, what lie did she tell them about her phone. She fiddles with the phone trying to remember but she had told so many people different things, like it being a glitch or how her tech magic worked. Lying to actually techies were a little difficult. Aether what had she said to them.

“Yeah that is what I thought,” Electra turns away, but that was not the end of this. “I found out from Ash when you were texting during the anime valentine’s thing you were both at. You didn’t even seem to say a word to her about it- which she is a little upset by the way.”

She bites her lips, “Sorry it is just…”

“It is just what Tina?” Electra raises her hands, “Let me guess there is a lot of things up?” She rolls her eyes at Tina, “Girl, you say that all the time. You are starting to sound like a broken record.”

Tina clenches her fists a little, “There has been a lot of things up, okay?”

“Oh like what Tina?” She leans forward in her seat challenging the girl.

She stays silent.

Electra fell back in her seat, “See that is exactly what I am talking about. You say there is a lot of problems going onbut you never want to talk about them. Tina, the help is there if you want it. All you have to do is open up about it, which you never seem to do.”

“What can you do Electra?” Tina quips without thinking.

“Oh you know like your phone how it was messing up. I offered to help but you decided to deal with it on your own. I know some third year that would have happily helped you but nope Tina Cohen-Chang is dealing with it all on her own.”

“So you are ticked at me because I decide to deal with things on my own?”

“No.”

“Than what is it Electra because aether,” she feels herself getting overwhelmed, “Since being at NYADA you have no idea the things that I have been through, the things that I have been dealing with.” Tina starts to think about everything, a lump forming in her throat but she folds her arms holding herself together. “They aren’t your problem, they are mine.”

“We never know because you never talk about them Tina. So how are we supposed to know what is happening with you? As your friends you expect us just to take a back seat when you are dealing with something?” Electra challenges her more, “Aren’t you always the one that talks about sharing problems and helping people? Aether you even said it to that new guy on tumblr.”

“And?”

“Tina! A problem shared is a problem halved.”

“I know that!”

“Then why don’t you ever talk to us about it?” she motions between her and Pixel, “We are your friends or should I say were.”

“What?!” Tina cries.

“You heard me,” Electra looks away. “You aren’t the only one with problems Tina. There are always going to be problems in the world. Dealing with everything on your own will on get you in a bad way.”

Tina shots up from her seat, “You know nothing okay Electra…”

“Please don’t bore us with the tears Tina.” Electra waved her away, “Now why don’t you  just go hang out with Blainey Day’s like you did on Pal-entines Day and pretend everything is constantly alright.”

“Fine..I will.” 

Tina gets up moving to a seat to the front. Her class begins but she is not paying attention as she is on her phone extending her list of issues to deal with.

 Infatuated friends

Halloween memories

Tech Bitch

Opening up to people...

Maybe stopping therapy might not have been the brightest idea...

[nastyy3xclusivesclt-blog]

“Gallery walk” the @whateverJewel interview

Man, what can I say about Jewel? @whateverjewel is an independent artist that currently resides in the Washington, DC and attends Howard University. From the time I laid eyes on Jewel in 2015 in the pre-calculus class we shared, (if you are reading this FUCK YOU MS. VALENT) I knew she was someone special. Something about her draws people to her. With a smile that will brighten a room Jewel is nothing short of a superstar, and I have felt this way since before I even knew she was an artist. Her approach to art is simply amazing. She has built a grassroots following of people who genuinely enjoy seeing how her work progresses and what the final product will look like. The work she does isn't just dope as fuck, many of her pieces have some type of meaning or inspiration behind them. Not only does she draw and paint she also makes clothes. I'm currently in the process of grabbing me an exclusive one of a kind shirt from her myself. Jewel is definitely someone you should take an interest in, even if you aren't the artsy type, I'm sure you will find something you can connect with even in the slightest. Just get on twitter or Instagram and search #jewelsart. Here are a few of my personal favorite pieces by jewel…

Now lets get to the interview! 

First things first, Who are you?

“so! I'm me because well...i am. lmao my names jewel so what more can i really say???? honestly im really just a regular schmegular bitch who likes Netflix and eating and napping and drawing.

When and How did you get your start in making art?

i was always making art lol, my preschool and my first grade teachers told my mom i was going to be an artist so i really can't pinpoint how it started. it just did and it just is”

Who are some people who influenced your early work?

“my early work is, like i said, as early as preschool lol. so like my laterish work, more towards highschool, because i taught myself to really paint, like more seriously around that time...and my life honestly just sucked lol. so i pulled alottttt from that; id rather have my pain inspire me than hinder me”

Who are some mentors of yours?

“i had no real mentors (because honestly my life and my interactions with others inspire me most) until my senior year when i won a scholarship to have a personal visual arts mentor...and he was so great! he was all about showing me how to be myself and still grow as an artist and i loved that. now i have all these bomb ass professors for mentors and they teach inside and out of the studio and i love love love how much they let you build a personal relationship with them, especially bc all of my mark ass racist ass high school art teachers were awwwwwful. they didn't care about me or my visions and intentions. so fuck em ;)”

If you had to describe your art in 5 words or less how would you describe it?

“ok 5 words to describe my artttt: crazy, sexy, kewl, chillin, etc? naaaah deadass um, personal, expressive, colorful.....imma stick with sexy and kewl lmaooo’

What words of encouragement do you have for aspiring artists?

“for inspiring artists? literally nike shirt that hoe and just do it!!! dont fear anything, just dive in head first. the key to that is to delete any expectations you have for how your work should/shouldnt look because honestly that fucks you up. never compare your work to others, you are your only competition. be better than YOU!!!! and when its time to "decide what you want to do with your life" after graduation or whatever, art IS a legit thing to do with your life!!!! dont ever let a single person make you deny that“

What are you currently studying in school?

“im currently a painting major at Howard university and its funny because, like, when people found out i was going to Howard and moving to dc they were super lit for me...but when they would ask my major and i would tell them painting, its like they weren't as excited for me anymore. like my major wasn't good enough. but I'm the type of artist who knows what the painting will look like before ts done, and in that same right, i know ill be successful regardless of the process.”

How supportive was your family in your decision to pursue art?

“my fam is SUPER SUPPORTIVE!!! even though neither of my parents are artistic, they never ever ever made me feel like my art wasn't important or realistic. i have so much supplies from years of asking for bday and Christmas gifts and them understanding that art was just simply my thing. my parents both pushed me super hard in school and that gave me drive in an artistic sense as well....like I'm motivated so much because they're so poppin. i couldn't do it without them, and I'm the only child, so id like to think they couldn't do it without me either lmao“

I see you make clothing as well, tell me about The Naughty list. How did it start and who were some people that influenced you to make clothes?

“YO THE NAUGHTY LISSSST. funny you should ask. so i went to this panel on design at school, and the presenter basically was suggesting how doing "bad" things makes for a much more creative mind. its like theres more thinking and planning and plotting and scheming...and when those that exercise that same enegy channel it into creative activity, its soooooo much more powerful. and that intruigued me like crazy bc, trust me, im living proof. so i openned up this suggestion box and told people to confess their absolute WORST BEHAVIOR. and so i had it going for about two weeks, then i compiled the list and divided them all into two main categories of sin: lust and indulgence. the stories/confessions for each category that reeealllly stood out, i turned those into specific images. the ones that were left, i hand wrote them, and used them as the texture for the background”

When you sit down to a blank canvas where do you pull your inspiration from?

“when i sit down to a blank canvas, i dont pull inspiration from anywhere in that moment. im allllways getting inspired, literally once i draw the canvas sketch, im already inspired and ready as hell to go!!! i have this desktop folder and google drive folder and album on my phone titled "inspo" so whenever i see anything remotely interesting, i save it so im sure not to forget....bc im usually pretty in my own world and get kinda forgetful lmao”

What can people expect from you this year?

“this year? who knows lmao. expect new clothes and art for purchase...but thats all i got for ya for now ;)”

Quotes you live by…

“quote to live by???? shit my senior quote is always my mood: "i take a whackin and keep on smackin" -cheetah girls, 2003

Any shoutouts...

“shoutout to every person i ever met, yall all made me. i made yall too. thats the crazy thing about life, ya know? shoutout to every single person who ever commented something positive on insta, retweeted me, or hmu with something supportive...i hear it all, i feel it all, and i appreciate it all!! i dont really wanna shoutout anyone individually bc id prob leave so many great (and not so great) people out, but i have to give an ultimate shoutout to asante parkins...i would not be who i am without his presence, and im forever different since hes gone away. love him (but love yall too ya feel me)”

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: 💕 Janis: feeling the love 'cos corporate making ya, hey? Janis: how many holiday drinks you made today Jimmy: feels like billions Jimmy: not the kinda wrist action to be #buzzing about Janis: here's hoping you working commission lad Janis: is any? 🤔 #hotdatewithjane Jimmy: Tam's been in and out all day earning you those kicks you desire Jimmy: #notsosecretadmirer Jimmy: can't stay away on this special day Janis: Christ, you'd think she wouldn't wanna be seen DEAD outside her house, single, on this most sacred day Janis: gotta be stringing her along with lingering just a little too long when handing over the caffeine, good job babe 👏 Janis: think Grace is lowkey in hiding Janis: too late to even frantically swipe right on tinder now ladies Jimmy: Tell her Bobby'll be round Jimmy: He would if date night wasn't past his bedtime like Janis: 😂 bless Janis: all got our cross to bear, kid Janis: can't get my date out without a leash and promises of treats 🤷 Jimmy: Speaking of bitches, I seen Mia's timed her latest for the stockholm syndrome to kick in right on time Janis: look, i know you're bitter 'cos i've chucked you for better but don't bad mouth the bae, ok? Janis: forreal tho, they have schedules, like clockwork Janis: a new man for every occasion, this one won't last 'til her bday Jimmy: Keeping my hands where Tams can't see or cuff 'em Janis: 😏 tmi Janis: and unhygienic to boot, you serve lattes with those hands Jimmy: filthy 🧠 Jimmy: it's the company you keep Jimmy: Twix's gone from trying to shit in my dad's shoes to humping 'em Janis: whoa now, i didn't teach her that Janis: but think about it, from a scatological foot fetish to just a bit of vanilla pre-teen humping of inanimate objects Janis: it IS a step in the right direction Jimmy: But you are about treating 'em mean to keep 'em keen Janis: Your kicks are safe, dun' worry Janis: if she's taught me anything, not the way into the good books 😇 Jimmy: If you wanna aim for my work shoes I won't complain Jimmy: A day off is a day off Jimmy: Warn me first though, unless you're into those kind of surprises Janis: Best not to be seen with each other today Janis: don't wanna give everyone the wrong idea Janis: but nice try, you'll have to stick to burning yaself and the like if you wanna bunk Jimmy: Tammy's bound to help me with that Jimmy: #likeagiraffeonice Janis: She's beauty, she's graces Janis: wants you to cum all over her face Jimmy: fingers crossed she'll melt mine off first Jimmy: Better with that Janis: fair Janis: no way you've got the reach Jimmy: 💕 #whenbaebelievesinyou Janis: what, you want me to offer help with target practice? Janis: nice try dickhead 😜 Jimmy: Romance isn't dead there's the proof Jimmy: What are you doing today, aside from belly rubs for the bae Janis: gotta do something, don't I? feel bad like Janis: slayed the gift game and I really phoned it in so obvs gotta give out those sexual favours Janis: nowt though, trying to avoid seeing all the lovey-dovey couples making me wanna vom Janis: letting Tam work her magic in peace 😘 welcome like Jimmy: 💔🐶🎻 Jimmy: Making drinks with my eyes closed 'cause same Jimmy: Crack on Tam #tallgirlsneedlovetoo Janis: any barista will do 🎶 Janis: wanna hang when the madness is over Jimmy: The way this queue is going there isn't gonna be goodies left to bring you Jimmy: But I'm sweet enough😎 Jimmy: So yeah Janis: Bummer Janis: guess I can't kick you outta bed for that alone Janis: let you tot up negatives throughout the day, standard Jimmy: Got a pen behind my ear Jimmy: Come at me Janis: never could resist a challenge Janis: 🙄 walked into that one Janis: can we do something not shit Janis: don't need to see you slurping down spaghetti lady and the tramp stylee Jimmy: 💔 I'll shoo away all the strays I've gathered Jimmy: Only one dog for you like Jimmy: But of course that's how we stay goals Jimmy: any old shit won't do 💪🏆 Janis: 🎻 Janis: okay good Janis: play your cards right and get it right Janis: i'll spring for the motel 😉 Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: for once i'll be rooting for you Janis: my parents are unbearable at the best of times Janis: 🤢 Janis: actually cannot deal Jimmy: My dad and his girlfriend are still early days enough that they can bear to be in the same room Jimmy: I won't fail Janis: oh the honeymoon period Janis: disgusting Janis: thank god we got that out of the way with a fake relationship so you know my true feelings 😏 Jimmy: yeah thanks mate Jimmy: 👍 Janis: welcome, buddy o' pal o' mine Jimmy: Done Jimmy: I've worked it out Janis: taking a particularly difficult shit? Janis: again, don't need these intimate updates honey Janis: not #goals Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: No, what's goals is what we're gonna do, babe 😏 Jimmy: Keeping you outta the house 'til there's no cringe factor left Janis: Ahh Janis: colour me intrigued Jimothy Janis: what's the dress code? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Nothing Tam would be seen dead in Janis: Alright, no body con that shows all my worst bits, gotcha Janis: do I get ANY clues? Curious 🙀 right here Jimmy: You might just make yourself a new bae Jimmy: But pace yourself mate Janis: 😳 Janis: i don't own any PVC clothing, you know that, yeah? Jimmy: I do now 🎻 Janis: 😂 can literally hear Gracie in my head asking me what i'm like rn Janis: letting ya man down on vday Janis: honestly Jimmy: when one twin's a giver and the other's a taker 😂 Janis: tbf, we BOTH told you you'd got the wrong one but Janis: cloth ears you Jimmy: Down for the challenge Jimmy: Too late to not be a stubborn dickhead, me Janis: looks like we're both stuck then, lad Jimmy: there's that #realtalk mate Janis: can't say we didn't both give it a fair go Janis: #longdistanceloveinskerries #teenagerunaway Jimmy: You'll always have Twix 💕 Janis: gotta have someone to rely on init Jimmy: #tea Janis: #scaldedagain #jobhazard Jimmy: [Sends a selfie of an actual burn/on the job hazard] Jimmy: Stuff of fantasies that Janis: Poor baby! Has Tam not offered to 💋 it better? Janis: #slacking Jimmy: She's got her 👀 a bit lower down Jimmy: I'm just a piece of 🍖 Jimmy: The real hazard Janis: start a # about it Janis: 'cos can't blame her Janis: part of the problem, truly Jimmy: Will do Janis: being all distracting there with your apron and that Janis: asking for it Jimmy: I thought it was the shoes Jimmy: Sexy from head to toe like Jimmy: 🐶💗 Janis: 😋 something certainly got tongues n tails wagging Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: The company I keep, I think 😉 Janis: valid, the bitches love me 😍 Jimmy: Alright, save it for the 'gram Jimmy: #humblebrag Janis: Twix is a busy lady, only got you scheduled in so far Janis: guess the fans will have to make do with your mug 😜 Jimmy: unlucky lads and lasses Janis: they love it Janis: 'til some other cunt is unlucky enough to be enrolled in our school, you're gonna stay flavour of the month 🍦 Jimmy: 💪🥇 Janis: meanwhile, i gotta wait 'til the next fam scandal 'til I'm relevant again Janis: such is life Janis: not that its ever THAT long 🙄 Jimmy: Whip up some fake drama for you to hide in if you want Jimmy: Crack 'em out with the lattes Janis: I don't doubt you're capable Janis: just getting over sinkgate 😏 Mr. Lucas never will 😉 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: He's one of the only dickheads who hasn't been in today Jimmy: Still time 🤞 Janis: think a milky earl grey is his shout Janis: get it ready, really impress him Janis: more than you did, obvs Jimmy: The coffee breath and forehead vein says espresso though 🤔 Jimmy: Man o mystery Janis: 🤤 Janis: so hot Jimmy: More competition is it? Jimmy: 💔🎻 Janis: Using you as a ploy to get him hot under that starched collar all along Janis: soz babes 😘 Jimmy: I should've known your real goal was to get under that lumpy jumper Janis: 😂 Janis: know he's got the goods under it Jimmy: Can't fight the feeling Janis: s'a real shame the hottest female teacher we've got is that TA with the wonky fringe and clompy shoes Janis: who you got your sights set on next? Jimmy: always been about a wonky fringe meself Jimmy: Clompy shoes are a massive bonus when Twix is being a mad bitch underfoot too like Janis: draw the line there pal Janis: gotta get the dog in the divorce like Janis: not letting that hipster bitch anywhere near Jimmy: 🥊 Jimmy: going down swinging Janis: if she doesn't scream cat lady as is, she's defs into weird pets like fucking Janis: stick insects Janis: hope you're soooo happy together like 🖕 not even mad Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: nice to have your blessing, mate Jimmy: be my best man on the day Janis: literally fuck off Janis: only just got rid of the lesbian rumours and you wanna put me in a suit WHILST friendzoning me Janis: nah 😤 Jimmy: spoilsport Jimmy: found a challenge she won't accept Janis: only way i'm showing up is if you invite all your exes and put us on a table so we can chat mad shit on you Janis: be a man about it, boy Jimmy: card table at the back, couple of chairs so you can place your bets 👍 Janis: more like it Janis: hook up with your actual best man Janis: pure spite and alcohol fuelling me Jimmy: It'd probs be Cass so best not Jimmy: no good for the rep Janis: 😡 Janis: same tho, if i ever got hitched (ignoring the unlikeliness of that) i'd have to hit up the sibs for those bridesmaids and ting Janis: least my fam is good for numbers if not company like Jimmy: Grace has used her twin senses and is moodboarding somewhere rn Jimmy: Unlucky Janis: 🤢 don't Janis: vietnam flashbacks rn Janis: you know how many fake weddings of hers i've attended Jimmy: I can imagine Jimmy: And am Jimmy: Cute 😂 Janis: Fuck off Janis: shame your dad don't wanna be bffs Janis: can't hit him up for embarrassing pics and stories to use against you Jimmy: Another win to my name Janis: 🖕 Janis: sincerely hope you get a beverage thrown in ur face Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Wish you'da got me some earplugs Jimmy: Come on over mate, I've got loads Jimmy: #whenyourdadisdating Janis: literally Janis: at least you know its the same woman to avoid when she runs to the bog to clean herself up Janis: Pablo already on 2nd of the day Janis: Need a way to let 'em know Jimmy: Gotta have a sleepover with your real bae Jimmy: Twix'll sort 'em Jimmy: Sticking her nose in, literally like Janis: Oh that sweet curious girl Janis: some things she never need see 🙈 Jimmy: #nosybitchproblems Janis: getting dirt on enemy #1 anyway she can Janis: those bribe bones coming her way Jimmy: Happy v-day to her Janis: Maybe you and wonky fringe can have a fuck-off Janis: bet she's a right goer when you get the hair down and glasses off like Jimmy: Invite you and Mr Lucas for the post shag debrief Jimmy: Give you a /10 Janis: Naturally Janis: so curious to know how I rank 😒 Jimmy: Always a 10 with Twix Janis: 🙌 Janis: that'll help with the rep Jimmy: Me and Killer'll take the heat off with our new relationship shine Janis: yeah it loves you Janis: daft fucking dog Jimmy: Pity I can't turn the 💕 into 💰 Jimmy: Loads of lattes no will to keep slinging 'em Janis: Looking for a career change? Janis: fame getting too real? Jimmy: Got me looking like a deer in the headlights Jimmy: Tammy's livid Jimmy: There can only be one Janis: 'bout to be a bloodbath in CG Jimmy: Place your bets, mate Janis: hmm Janis: Tams got the reach like but reckon she's mostly talk n neck Janis: nan's not been in has she? 😉 Jimmy: She's serving me that 💔 while I crane my own neck looking out for her all day long Jimmy: no sign yet Janis: Gutted Janis: even she's feeling the lurve today Janis: literally no place to go Janis: so tragic Jimmy: About to eat my feelings like a proper flat white squad member Jimmy: Speaking of feeling that l.u.r.v.e did you hear how many cards Cass got sent? Jimmy: 7 Janis: WHAT Janis: get it gurl but also fuck off lads she's too lil Jimmy: walking about like its nowt Jimmy: 😎 Janis: thank god Janis: no one needs that ego boost Janis: fuming tbh Jimmy: Bobs made one at school Jimmy: guess who for Janis: Aww, bless him Janis: she does need that boost Janis: he gonna hand-deliver? Jimmy: He's insisting Jimmy: So be about Jimmy: You got one too Jimmy: moving in on my lass Janis: we in, have to kick the empty ice cream cartons out the way like but find us in front of bridget jones or similar Janis: i'm honoured like 😊 Jimmy: Yours is bigger but hers has more glitter Jimmy: Can't call a winner Janis: size matters Janis: #facts Janis: soz Gracie, gotta fight you or you'll get too comfy Jimmy: Just don't let her vlog it Jimmy: Don't need porno style #s going viral Janis: MY TWIN ATTACKED ME!?!?!?! (NOT CLICKBAIT) Jimmy: Haters, on this sacred day Jimmy: #savage Janis: Glad to keep her in #content Janis: who's the real ⭐ baby Jimmy: 🤩 Jimmy: Better than 💝 chocs Janis: the calories! 😱 Jimmy: who needs food when you can exist on ☕ and even hotter goss 💋 Janis: diet of champions that 🙄 Janis: mia be bullshitting them that she doesn't run on sheer cuntiness Jimmy: Mia? A bullshitter? 😲 Jimmy: Nope Janis: awks 😕 Janis: did you think you was forever? Jimmy: she was my fucking cinnamon apple Janis: 😂 Janis: at least i've got an excuse to fight her again Janis: try not to get in the way this time Jimmy: Will do Jimmy: 2nd rule of fight club, get out the way dickhead Janis: brad pitt in that film Janis: mwah 💋👌 Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I got no retort because Helena, not the one like Janis: crazy bitch not your type, eh? Janis: think the masses would have to disagree 😏 Jimmy: Start a # or I'm not listening, sorry everyone Janis: he's a modern man Jimmy: 💪😎 Janis: wonder if anyone will get pregnant tonight Janis: wanna make a bet? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll put today's wage on it Jimmy: No tips Jimmy: Need them for our big 💕 plans Janis: alright, you're on Janis: here's hoping its only the tip for all the other lads like Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Walked into that one Janis: 💁 Janis: shame we're not a hardcore catholic school #upthebuttforjesus Jimmy: I'd have to pray meself if I'd made a bet under them conditions Janis: what can i say? just like me, showing faith in our peers Janis: ur so negative, babe Janis: like dem tests 🤞 Jimmy: don't need to be an optimist to wait for those positives Janis: we'll see Jimmy: what to I get when I win this one Jimmy: quite a streak now babe 😏 Janis: 😣 Janis: on the off chance you manage to scrape a win Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: Escape route for longer than a night for starters Jimmy: Lovebirds doing my head in Jimmy: I'm thinking a weekend break that isn't #cursed like Janis: Always down for running Janis: up for it not being away from you this time 😉 Janis: bringing the kiddos or? Jimmy: Depends if they kick off Jimmy: Got time to work on bribes Jimmy: Dad's Valerie might wanna play happy families 😒 Janis: 😬 Janis: that'll be fun Janis: can't have you dealing with that Janis: at least their tales of woe whilst you were gone will be packed with that #scandal and #drama Jimmy: might be easier to take 'em amount of SOS's we'd get Jimmy: Cass blowing up both our phones before we're out the door Jimmy: fuck knows Janis: Eithers cool Janis: just leave the hardcore whips n chains at home like Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: Alright done Jimmy: If we stick 'em on their own does that make us the mccanns Janis: not if we don't drug 'em Janis: stick to sweets and other such bribes and we'll be alright Jimmy: Gonna be enough of a plan getting there without adding a murder cover up Janis: honestly Janis: not on the agenda Janis: not a nice pretty white doctor like, never getting away with it Jimmy: not the 💕 american films'd have you believe either I reckon Jimmy: Surrounded by a cloud of smoke already cheers don't need a hail of bullets Janis: yeah if #blacklivesmatter taught us anything Janis: not the ideal way to spend a weekend Janis: also, still creasing at her name Janis: such middle aged hot piece of ass vibes Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: definitely can't promise you any of that Jimmy: but if you win, I'll 🚭 and hopefully run like less of a middle aged dickhead with a dad bod Jimmy: less of an evidence trail an' all Jimmy: win win Janis: whoa, that's awful big talk from the resident chimney Janis: you are sure you're gonna win 😉 Janis: but i accept the full Ts and Cs Janis: you should train with me Janis: not just an excuse to 👀 the dad bod Jimmy: Deal done then Jimmy: Trying to see me in my short shorts Jimmy: You'll have to catch me first like Janis: wouldn't even be fair to make it a competition like Jimmy: If you're too shit scared, mate Janis: just curious why you wanna lose so bad Janis: thinking you might love what punishment i have in mind? Jimmy: Wondering what it feels like 'cause it never happens Jimmy: You seem to be about it with all your repeats Janis: I'm going to enjoy making you suffer Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Gonna start a club with Mr Lucas? Janis: any time i get to spend with him like Janis: not like I wanna think up new cruel and unusual ways to get you but Janis: needs must Jimmy: 💕 cute Jimmy: I'd tell him to get his 🎻 out but we know what those hands are busy doing Janis: eurgh 😂 too far Janis: my 'rents reckon he's an actual predator, like, there are stories Janis: do not wanna commit so hard to this bit that I become his next victim forreal Jimmy: Not gonna happen babe 💪😎🐶 Jimmy: Squad got you covered Janis: My heroes 😍 Jimmy: If Twix isn't up to it my bae'll come through Jimmy: Named for it literally Janis: Reckon that was the idea Janis: or they were being ironic with it Janis: #sojokes Jimmy: either way I'll knock him out before its a drama Jimmy: as long as you don't get in my way naturally Janis: don't worry, got the sense I was born with 😜 Janis: dickhead Jimmy: Lucky you were born with it Jimmy: Some of us have neither Janis: 🎻 Janis: so what part of pretty woman you looking to recreate this time Janis: what's your artistic vision? 😏 Jimmy: I haven't seen it Jimmy: Bound to be an aesthetic montage though, isn't there? Janis: don't let my sister hear you Janis: roped into GIRLS NIGHT! before you know it Jimmy: Get the popcorn in Gracie, mine's salted Jimmy: Shout you a diet something if you keep the noise down, hun Janis: #romanticvdaynightplans Janis: i get why she got confused, you have #boundaryissues mate 😂 Jimmy: Living up to that dating a twin stereotype Jimmy: The people in my comment section DEMAND it, alright? Jimmy: #gottagiveemwhattheywant Janis: Nah, bitch, you can only play that if we're identical Janis: its not like whoops thought it was u Janis: on ANY level 😤 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: Oh shit the boss is the embodiment of that emoji Jimmy: Yours not mine Jimmy: Gonna have to get a room Jimmy: Ban him, that's not how I'm earning employee of the month perks, sorry lad Janis: Convenient 😒 Janis: lemme catch u in her inbox boi 🥊 Janis: jk, get to work slacker, catch you in a mo Jimmy: 🐊 Jimmy: In a bit 💕 Janis: 🖤

[get-the-treasure]

school log #3

9-8-17

it was a busy day nd this is a day late

Hour 1 (AP Bio): we got our books at the end of class and thank god my locker is right by brians lol. for the beginning of class we did an experiment where 2 people were scientists and the rest of us were aliens. brain m nd sophie were the scientists so they left the room nd brian briefed us on our role. basically we would only reply to sophie because she wasnt wearing glasses (and everyone who normally wears glasses took them off) but we would only reply with yes. if she asked us individual questions wed copy her facial expressions. sophie figured out the face that we only replied to her pretty quickly and she even mentioned the fact that ppl like taylor nd sammy didnt have glasses on but she didnt connect the dots as to why we only replied to her. 

Hour 2 (ROPE): spent the entire time listening to music in my play more playlist and found 2 songs i played a few times. they were rlly good afjknsfa, song 1, song 2. i wrote maybe another paragraph as well!

Hour 3 (Homegroup/3B): cant rlly remember??? i think we discussed ppl buying donuts every friday or smthn nd playing games on friday 3bs w the hg but im seriously dead poor i cant get the hg donuts tf??? so i opted out lol. i wasnt going to tell them how poor we are that we can barely afford food so they probably think im not that poor but its rlly bad.

Hour 4 (English 12): we read another story from that thicc book and it was leagues better than the first one. this one made the other one look like a middle school book report lol. then we talked about it and i dont understand lizzies opinions like ever jabfksnaf. for a part that a normal person would take as like ‘oh thats a lil humor nd its endearing’ lizzie takes and changes it to be ‘THIS IS CONDESCENDING ND HONESTLY? I DONT LIKE IT’ like calm down he pointed out dude asked if u had to eat the whole cheesecake or if u could have a slice how is that condescending i just ughhh it didnt make sense its not that deep girl

Hour 5 (Free): all i can remember is that i went down to the office to check if i could get a summary so i could have smthn w proof of my birthday nd picture on it. they didnt know what i wanted so i figured id go check back later.

Lunch: i p much spent the time snaccin on a protein bar i lov it

Hour 6 (Free): eren and i worked on setting up appts to donate blood cause it was a whole mess and i checked back w the offic and they knew what i wanted so i got a copy

Hour 7 (Government): we watched a video about how you should form your own opinions then took notes. we have a quiz next week i think. 

Hour 8 (Advanced Drawing/Painting): sammy, ariel, mariya and i talked a lot abt jesus nd his good pal god nd stuff it was a lot of fun actually nd i finished a sketch.

after school: i went home to boil eggs because i thought i was going to donate blood so i made eggs for rye, eren, nd i to get our protein levels up. eren nd rye stopped by nd we left to go to greenfield to donate blood. eren ended up feeling too guilty disobeying her mom saying she couldnt drive to greenfield despite saying she didnt mind driving that far up themself so we turned around all dejected nd honestly i was kind of frustrated. like wed planned everything out multiple times throughout the day already and then by the end of the school day multiple people ended up saying they werent coming and plans had to change on the spot. and short term planning is already frustrating as it is but then when youre literally 10 minutes from ur destination adn everything has to be replanned then its even more frustrating. so we threw our plans out the window and started home. then eren had to return the car so we went to their house nd my mom picked us up and took us to the mall. we walked around for like 4 hours and bothered yadi but then it was basically fun adn i forgot abt how frustrated i was earlier. then we went to ross dress for less and tried on dresses (i only tried one cause my boobs were too big for the medium rye picked out for me) and rye and eren both ended up liking dresses i basically forced them to wear annnnd they ended up buying them. i paid half of this one dress eren wanted cause i hadnt gotten them a bday gift yet so i figured that would be the gift. before that wed been at boston store and tried on more dresses that we all picked out for each other, then we went to bobs furniture store to furnish our fake apartment ajhsbfasfla. then we had snacks from the store and got vagina punched by a massage chair which also almost broke every bone in my body on accident. so that was fun akjsfkjas. then yadi drove us to ross’ (to buy erens dress, because they didnt have enough money at the time nd i hadnt decided to pay half until wed been at boston store to bother yadi more) then back to the front doors where my mom (and liam) picked us up. we went to scores but eren nd i had spent all out money basically nd rye didnt have ny so eren got a $1.25 taco and rye nd i had water but i knew my mom wouldnt actually be like ‘spent all ur money too bad u cant eat’ so she bought appetizers (so rye could eat) nd 20 wings so eren, her, nd i could. liam had smthn else. we took pics nd peed as a squad but erens stall had ‘fuck bitches get money <3′ on the inside it was wild. thennnn they both slept over nd we did sheet masks which was my first nd eren nd i made ice cream cake from a bag while rye passed out on the couch. after all that mess we went to bed nd i checked what id missed throughout the day, had a private chat that needed to be taken care of, nd talked w the skype squad for a while so i ended the day on a rlly good note. overall the day was fun even if there were frustrating moments. 9/10 could have been warmer

[ripsquadentllc-blog]

Ladies, why wait?

Growing up, it was very common to hear girls talking about how they wanted to wait until they were married to have sex. I, being the practical thinker I am, always thought that was an immature/unrealistic goal. If you are abstinent due to religious beliefs, then good for you. Actually, I'm not too fond of religion, but I'll save that topic for another post. So for the sake of this topic, I'll leave the religious aspect out of it.  There is no good reason (as a female) to make a guy wait for sex if there is a mutual sexual attraction and you are BOTH READY to fuck. I don't care what reason you give me. I'll immediately shoot it down and call it stupid. Here are a few reasons why females make niggas wait to get the draws: 1. You assume that a guy who is willing to wait isn't only interested in fucking. I have no idea where women got this shit from. Probably some Think Like a Man bullshit. Personally, if you make me wait too long, I'll put your ass in the friend zone if I truly like you. If I am only interested in sex, I don't have a problem waiting for pussy as long as I have other hoes to preoccupy me in the meantime. I've had females that made me wait an entire year before they let me hit. I didn't mind, because I always had access to chicks who only made me wait a few days, if at all. The sooner we fuck, the sooner you find out my true intentions. 2. You think the sex will be more meaningful if you are married. First off, marriage is a joke. Second, even if you guys do wait until marriage, both of you are going to regret what you missed out on while signing those divorce papers. Plus sex is just sex. If you require a strong emotional connection to fully enjoy it, that's cool. You should be able to do that long before the marriage phase, though. And why would you wait until you are bound together by law to see if the sex was even worth the wait? 3. You don't want to feel used. Neither do we, bitch, but that's what relationships are. It's just two people using each other for personal gain. Let's say we don't have sex EVER, but we still sustain a successful relationship.We are still using each other to gain some sort of personal gratification. It's human nature to care more about yourself than the rest of the world. I might value your intelligence, but if I find a bitch that's just as attractive AND smarter than you, then our relationship becomes obsolete. The company you work for uses your labor to make millions of dollars while only giving you a tiny ass paycheck every week. Vice versa, you use your company to pay bills while doing a half-ass job at work. We are all being used in some way. Grow the fuck up. 4. You want him to think you are different from the basic bitches who fuck on the 1st date. When I am in a relationship, the only difference between my girlfriend and my female friends is that I'm not fucking my friends. Females can't seem to grasp this concept. If we ain't fucking, then we are just friends. That means you aren't any different than the basic bitches I come across on a daily basis. I once had a female friend tell me that she doesn't do one night stands, because she doesn't want the guy to think she is a hoe. This logic makes no fucking sense. If you know you'll never see this guy again, why the fuck do you care what he thinks of you? Get your nut and move on. 5. You assume he will immediately lose interest after banging them cheeks. I already stated this earlier, but I'll say it again. The sooner you fuck, the sooner you find out his true intentions. Don't get it twisted. I'm not saying you should fuck a guy just to see if he really likes you. I'm saying there is no harm in you getting an orgasm before receiving the good/bad news. If he genuinely cares about you after beating them walls, congratulations, start sucking his dick; he earned it. If he completely blows you off afterwards, oh well, at least you don't have to wonder any more. You just saved time by not pursuing a relationship doomed to fail. Now, you can move on to the next nigga. Be aware however, there is a strong possibility that he really wanted to pursue a long-term relationship with you, but your pussy was trash. Or maybe you can't suck a good dick. A lot of times that's a deal breaker for guys. You can't blame a nigga for having standards. Step your pussy/head game up bitch. 6. You don't want to have any regrets the next day. I guess I can understand this one. I usually have regrets about being a gentleman and not aggressively attacking the pussy, but there have been times when I did get it and regretted it. My regrets usually come from pregnancy scares. Sometimes the booty wasn't worth all the work I put in. At the end of the day, you can't let fear run your life. I rather regret doing something than never knowing what could've been. 7. You are on your period. Surprisingly, a lot of niggas don't care. I can understand your hesitation if your man is a Crip. If your man don't give a fuck; you shouldn't either. Gone head a ruin them sheets. Just buy that nigga red sheets for his bday. 8. You know your worth. This is such a cop out response. It's like saying "Jesus" is the answer to everything. (2+2= not Jesus) Look, worth isn't determined by the seller. It's determined by the buyer. Let's say you think your pussy is worth $1million, but the highest offer you've ever received was $5. That means you walking around with some $5 dollar pussy. Do you know why bitches love Beyonce' so much? It's because she's been sitting on some $1million pussy her whole life. Niggas don't even attempt to one night Queen B. Do you want to know why niggas treat you the way they do? Because you ain't that bitch that you think you are. You played yourself. (DJ Khaled voice) 9. You think withholding sex gives you power in the relationship. I admit that pussy is quite powerful, but it's power is limited. Men could just as easily play the sex deprivation games you play. I once had an ex tell me "You wear the pants in this relationship, but I control the zipper." It was a clever quote, but the arrogance of it kind of pissed me off. I felt like a parent and one of my kids was talking shit to me. One of my favorite comedians said this. "Sex don't start until dick get hard and it ends when dick gets soft." I always liked this quote, because it's true. As a female. No matter how bad you want sex from a guy, you aren't getting any until he gets hard. And the sex ends when he decides to nut. Besides the physical aspect of power, true power in a relationship belongs to the one with the least amount of emotions invested. By default, men usually fall in that category due to our "lack of emotions." Women actually put themselves at a disadvantage, because they crave an emotional foundation to fully enjoy sex. This isn't true for ALL females, but for the majority, tough luck. 10. You just aren't ready. [There is no good reason (as a female) to make a guy wait for sex if there is a mutual sexual attraction and you are BOTH READY to fuck.] I know I stated this earlier in the post, but bitches don't pay attention to details when being proven wrong. This entire post is based on a hypothetical situation in which you ARE READY, but are holding yourself back for girl reasons. 11. You want to build a genuine connection. Understandable. Building a strong connection does lead to a healthy sex life. It also makes it harder to let go of an unhealthy relationship. Most people don't realize they are in an unhealthy relationship until after they've had sex. No matter how strong your connection is before sex, that doesn't mean anything if you end up not being a good match for each other. You guys might not even be sexually compatible. You might be into shit that he thinks is gross or vice versa. But what if you are a perfect match? A lot of the time, that's something you can feel on the 1st date. 12. You want to see a guy work for the pussy. This is kind of like overestimating your worth. I get that you want to see a guy put in 110% effort, but you'll never see that effort if you aren't working just as hard. What makes you think a guy will go all out for you if you're still not even sure if he's worth fucking? You only get what you give. Bitches put their pussy on a pedestal and act like it's a prize to be won. That only leads to guys objectifying you even more than they already do. Guys like a challenge, SOMETIMES. If your favorite restaurant made you run 10 miles before they served you; you would eat somewhere else. Let's say you take them up on their challenge, though. After that run, you're going to be expecting the best meal you've ever had. Think about your level of disappointment when they bring out a meal you could get anywhere else. All I know is, if you make me do $1million worth of work; you better not try to pay me with some $5 pussy. 13. You are worried about your body count. This has to be a psychological thing, because no one is going to know how many dicks you've been through unless you tell them. As a female, you probably care at least a little about how society views you. If you would let society hinder your love life, you're hopeless. Let's say fucking more than 9 guys makes you a hoe in the eyes of society. Who cares if your true love is guy #10? So you don't want to have to fuck 10 guys to find that 1. I get it, but what if that's what it takes? What if no matter how long you make a guy wait, you are destined to end up with guy #10? Making each guy wait a couple weeks or a couple months is going to eat up more of your time than it has to. Females like to complain about guys "wasting" their time. While you're making guy #9 wait on some pussy he don't really need because he is still fucking girls #30-35 you could've been moved on to guy #10.