#me when I want a gold star and head pats from strangers on the internet for not going sicko mode on myself

[a-concert-just-for-me]

May have gotten fuck-all done today, but at least I didn’t [redacted] like I wanted to. Small wins for the criminally insane‼️

[cosmiclatte28]

#1 Ornament Spree (Sungchan x you)

First day of Christmas 

Ornament Spree (Sungchan x you)

I do not own the pictures, but I own the stories :) hope you enjoy this

It’s the day after Christmas, the merriest night has passed and you’re more than delighted to meet your family and had a nice feast. Yesterday was great with all of you buying presents and playing white elephant. You won a speaker and that is something you did not expect you’d get on a white elephant game. Your big family decided to gather in your parents’ house, where the grand Christmas tree stood up in its glorious form. You’re proud to say that the ornaments you hung with your brother look super pretty on the tree and that everyone is praising the Christmas tree in the hall. It was all good until your uncle got pretty drunk from chugging eggnog too fast and he bumped the Christmas tree. Though you think it is sturdy enough, turns out some of the decoration fell and break. Even worse, the main focus which is the star also toppled down and shattered into pieces.

Since everyone was in their Christmas mood, no one was making a fuss out of it. The maid cleaned up the shattered pieces and party continues like nothing happens.

But when the guest left the house and you were just chilling by the fireplace with your brother, Jaehyun, your mother came in and asked you a favour.

“(Y/n), I am sorry to disturb you and Jae, but can you please go to the store tomorrow and  buy us some decorations, we have some more guests tomorrow and we do not want to greet them with a plain tree right?” Your mother walked gently into the room and brushed a hand over your hair.

You sighed, “Why me? What about Jae?”

Your brother laughed, “Apparently, I am invited to attend a lunch Christmas celebration tomorrow in my girlfriend’s house. Sorry honey I cannot come with you.”

You rolled your eyes, “When does the store open?”

Your mom shook her head, “Not sure, you can search it up in the internet and find the one open for Christmas. Usually they’re close, but I know you can find it!” she planted a kiss on your head and then without listening to you, she left the room.

You punched your brother’s thigh and he yelled in pain, “What was that for? It’s Christmas we shouldn’t be mean to one another!”

“Oh I’ve gotten my present already, I can be naughty now.” You taunted at him and he laughed too when he realized that was a great answer.

“Look, I’m sure you will find a store. Worst case will be going to the mall but try the stores we usually go to.” Jaehyun patted your back, “I’m sure that will be a nice activity while you wait for our guests. I’ll be back before noon.” He stood up.

You turned your head to follow his step, oh he’s leaving too.

“Good night (y/n)! Merry Christmas!” he sent you a heart and you just shooed him away.

Knowing there was nothing left to do and everyone seemed to be in their room already, you made your way to your bedroom and drove to dreamland. At least mother did not ask you to wake up early and go to the stores.

You woke up late the next day. Jaehyun was gone already and your mother and father were also away, maybe visiting the orphanage they always visit on Christmas. Lunch was prepared nicely for you and as you enjoy the snow falling outside your window, you scrolled through your phone looking for shops that are open on the 26th of December.

You almost lose hope when the nearby stores are closed and that you have to go to the mall which is an hour drive from home. Quickly you glance to the big grandfather clock in the house and noted it’s almost one already. The quickest you can be on the mall is at two, and then look for Christmas decorations. Well luckily mom said to just grab a set and the star, but still an hour drive in the cold winter day by yourself is not pleasurable.

But a chore is a chore and so after making sure you’re dressed up nicely in a toasty attire, you step into your car and drive all the way to the big mall. Christmas song blasts on your speakers and you’re no longer sour about going to the mall. You put your car for valet and inhale the holiday vibes around you. Stores are holding sale and people are laughing from one store to another.

You look for the directory and found the store you are looking on the second floor. Without hurrying, you take your time to see the stores and even stop to smell candles and try candies. This was a wrong move, because when you arrive at the decoration store. There’s many people queueing in the cashier and you can see most of the decorations cleared out from the aisles.

“Oh no, I hope there’s some more left!” you rush into the store and hope to still get something.

The aisle with colors that do not match your other decoration are full but you’re struggling to find gold and blue! Those two were the majority of the colors hanging. You luckily found the star and take the last one remaining. Thanking all the gods you know that you still get the last one.

Your small steps bring you to the last aisle where there are some gold and blue ornaments left, with a big smile you stand in front of the aisle, reach out your hand, only to frown when you’re a couple of inch short.

You look around for a stool but find nothing, but your eye caught something. More like someone.

There you see on your left, a few steps away is a tall young man wrapped in a nice black coat.

He’s super tall, way taller than you but like Jaehyun’s. hastily you look around, but no crew is here too, should you ask for his help?

“Um excuse me,” you tap his shoulder and gosh he’s way taller than you!

He turns to look at you and you see a pair of warm eyes meeting yours. You bite your lips suddenly shy about asking his help.

“Yes? What is it?” he asks when he finds you quiet and his brain finishes processing that he doesn’t know you.

You gulp, “I couldn’t reach the christmas decoration on the top shelf and you look really tall.” You point to the aisle you mean and he follows your finger.

“Can you please help me?” you put on your pleading gaze Jaehyun hates so much, but look at him blushing over your cat eyes.

“Oh sure, I can help you.” He follows you to the rack and you point out the decoration you want.

He takes one easily and hands it to you, you examine the details and frown when you see a damage on the ball, you want to see the other options but how do you ask him. Luckily he notices your face of dissatisfaction and takes a glance on your box.

“Oh you want the other one?” he offers you as he reaches out for two more box.

You’re speechless, he is super considering and fast in reading face! Whoah his brain is sexy.

“I think this one can go back up there, it’s damaged.” You return to him the first box and he patiently returns it and even helps you examine the remaining two.

“You good with that two?? Want me to take out another one?”

“No need, thank you! I think I’ll get this one.” You keep the one you like and when you just want to return the second box on the other shelf, he gently picks it up and returns the box.

“I once worked in a market and when people return things randomly, it annoys me. So, let me it’s okay.” He smiles when his hand accidentally brushes yours.

“Thank you so much,” your sentence lingers, and he laughs, “Sungchan.”

“Thank you so much Sungchan!” you bow, and he calmly asks your name.

You introduce yourself and the tall man blurts out “What a pretty name!”

You invite him for coffee since you’re thankful for his help and he accepts it with great respect. After the two of you paid your ornaments, you bring him to one of your favorite coffee shop.

He settles for a hot chocolate and so did you. As you wait for the drinks, he begins talking and getting to know you. You learn that he is just a year younger than you and he is sent to the mall to buy some decorations because their lights burnt, and he needed to get a new one.

“Did you know earlier when you pull that puppy eyes, everyone will sure fall for it and help you.” He laughs between the hot chocolate cups you two hold to warm your hands.

You blush, “Well that is the first time someone told me that! My brother always hates me for pulling that face.”

He clicks his tongue, “That is because you look so cute! He can’t reject or deny you if you pull that face.”

Your mouth gape and you admire his smart brain. “You’re super smart. I haven’t thought about that.”

He giggles, “I heard that a lot.”

“Woah smart and confidence eh! You yourself are charming.” You admit it shyly and successfully makes the younger boy across you run a hand on his neck.

The talk continues and come to a pause when your phone rings and Jaehyun was telling you he is on his way home. You note the clock and it’s almost three already! You’ll be home  by four and need to prepare before the guest comes!

“Can we keep in touch?” you boldly ask after knowing you have to go home.

Sungchan nods, “Of course,” you hand him your phone and he types in his number.

“I’ll send a text and reply me when you get it.” You say and before you can ask him, he has sent you a reply.

The two of you smile although a bit sad that the short meeting has to come to an end.

“So I guess I’ll see you one day!” He reaches out his hand for you to shake, you shake his hand and smile back, “Yes, see you! Have a great Christmas and thank you for helping me.”

“I’m treating you lunch next time we meet!” he waves his hand and the two of you walk opposite ways.

Your drive back to the house is full of love song blasted out loud and once home you’re all smile when Jaehyun greets you for taking the decorations.

“Looking overly joyful eh?” he questions you as the two of you start putting the ornaments on.

You hide a mysterious smile, “Maybe it’s the Christmas vibes.”

He snickers, “Yeah maybe, or maybe it’s you falling in love with a stranger.”

You keep your story to yourself, Sungchan is no longer a stranger right?

  Merry Christmas 

 see you tomorrow! 

masterlist

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Thomas Sanders?!

Summary: Thomas Sanders is the same lovable former Viner and current Youtuber as we all know him And Roman, Patton, Logan, and Virgil? They're some of his biggest fans Warnings: Food mention, a few swears, non-descriptive panic attack, breaking traffic law in the name of Gay Worry Pairings: Platonic LAMPT, romantic LAMP

Based off of this post from @lefaystrent

    Roman was having a self-care day. That’s why he was wearing the prince outfit. Because he looked good in it, damnit, screw the occasional odd glances from strangers who were just jealous they weren’t as fabulous as he was.

    The day had been going just as great as his hair looked (amazing, his hair looked amazing), and he had been five seconds away from buying an ice cream cone when he spotted him.

    Thomas Sanders. Second puppy to have been turned into a human (see Patton for the original), laugh-out-loud funny, and hella gay. A man after his own heart, even if Roman’s love was already tied up in three other wonderful human beings.

    Roman smiled as he turned from the ice cream stand towards the man. Did self-care include approaching an internet hero and seeing just how much flirting he could fit into one conversation?

    Absolutely.

   Thomas was loitering on the edge of the street, checking between his phone and the road, clearly waiting for a ride. He smiled when Roman tapped him on the shoulder, the easy happiness in his eyes faltering for a moment in confusion, though his tone was light when he asked, “Can I help you?”

   “As I live and breathe, Thomas Sanders. What great adventure brings you here all the way from Florida?” Roman said by way of answering, beaming.

   Thomas’s smile grew a bit as he recognized Roman was a fan, though he still seemed thrown-off by Roman’s garb. “Visiting a friend.” He answered.

   “Just a friend?” Roman asked, cocky. “It’s an utter travesty a man such as yourself doesn’t have anyone… more in your life.”

   “Yeah, haha, I’m lonely.” Thomas mostly muttered to himself before continuing, “I hate to sound rude, but can I ask about the clothes-”

   “Hard to pull off, I know, but when you’re a prince, you’re born to wear anything with gold!” Roman said, dramatically posing to ensure the golden embellishments caught the sunlight. “And you don’t have to be lonely, you know.”

   “Oh, I won’t be. Once my friend gets here.” Thomas agreed. “And while you do wear the outfit very well-”

   “You flatter me.” Roman interrupted with a grin, displaying his pearly whites as he grabbed Thomas’s free hand. He brought it to his lips, brushing the lightest of kisses to the back of it while Thomas’s cheeks brightened a shade. “But what else should a mere prince expect from a king?”

   Thomas didn’t have a chance to respond before a car was pulling up at the curb, the passenger side door being pushed open a moment later.

   Thomas pointed at the door with the hand holding his phone. “This is, uh, my ride.”

   Roman graciously released Thomas’s hand, bowing as Thomas slowly climbed into the car. As the car drove off, he kept grinning to himself, turning back towards the ice cream stand.

   He had earned a banana split.

   ~~

   Patton was feeding the ducks.

   He did it every afternoon he had free time, bringing out corn or bird seed for the cute little duckies and their cute little duckling children. And today was such a nice day, with a gentle breeze, and the sun was out, no clouds in sight, Patton was content to sit there all day.

   That was, until he saw a certain man walking down the path across the pond.

   Patton recognized him immediately, having watched enough of his videos to know that uncontrollable hair, carefree expression, and likely unwashed purple bubble shirt. He waited at his position for a moment, expecting Thomas to turn the path to walk around the pond and towards him, but he took the branching one that lead into the small group of trees instead.

   Managing to resist his fanboy instincts for two seconds, Patton quickly succumbed to the chance to meet such an amazing kiddo, wrapping up the bird seed bag and stuffing it into his pocket as he raced towards the former Vine and current Youtube star.

   He didn’t realize he had started excitedly shrieking until Thomas, still pretty far ahead of him, turned around in fearful worry, looking for the source of the sound. Thomas stopped in place when he saw Patton, looking torn between waiting for the stranger to reach him and bolting.

   Patton reached him before he could run away, smiling almost as broadly as he had been when he started dating each of his amazing boyfriends. “Tom! Thomas! Tomathy! It’s you! I’m a big fan!” He exclaimed, excitedly, happily flapping his hands.

   Thomas smiled, Patton’s joy easily infectious. “It’s just Thomas. But I’m always glad to meet a fan! Especially one who seems to like my content so much.”

   Patton’s smile turned a touch bashful. “Ah, shucks, kiddo, it’s just common sense to like what you make! You’re such a positive influence!”

   “That’s incredibly nice of you to say.” Thomas said, smile growing.

   “It’s just the truth!” Patton responded before deciding to try and press his luck as he continued, “I hope I don’t sound prying if I ask if you’re busy right now?”

   Thomas shrugged. “Accidentally got myself locked out of my friend’s house, so I’m pretty free for the next few hours.”

   Patton took the corn bag out of his pocket and shook it. “Want to feed some ducks with me?”

   Thomas didn’t respond at first, thinking it over, before he nodded. “I think that’d be fun.”

   Still grinning, Patton pulled Thomas back over to the pond, already halfway through every adorable duck fact he knew.

   ~~

   Logan closed the door quietly behind him, unsure how many of his boyfriends were asleep. It wasn’t terribly late, only a little past dinner, but once the meal has been eaten any bedtime was fair game. On a particularly tiresome day, Virgil had fallen asleep at the table two seconds after he complimented Patton on the food.

   He was only a few feet over the threshold, however, when there was a sudden swell of Disney singing and someone scooping him up to swirl him through the air. Logan smiled slightly and didn’t try to fight it, the attack a familiar routine since he had moved in with Roman.

   After a moment, he was more or less gracefully put down, his slight wobble stopped in a heartbeat as Roman caught one of his hands, helping balance Logan while kissing it. Logan rolled his eyes in poorly veiled amusement.

   “Good evening, Roman.” He greeted, treasuring a true kiss as his boyfriend let their hands drop, Roman still holding Logan’s hand. “How are you, my imperial legate?”

   Roman grinned. “I don’t know what that means at all, but I am as radiant as ever!”

   Logan’s smile turned a shade more amused. He had been working his way up the chain of command in Roman military, and Roman had reacted to each nickname based solely on how complicated they sounded. “That is good to hear.”

   “And you, my boundless starlight?”

   “I am doing quite well.” Logan replied before glancing around what little of the house he could see from the foyer. “Where are Virgil and Patton?”

   Roman gasped and pressed a hand to his chest. “Dearest Logan, am I not enough to fulfill your loving boyfriend needs?”

   “You are more than enough, love, and I mean that in the worst way.” Logan said, though his words may have held some weight if they weren’t so burdened with fondness. “I simply have news to share I think all three of you will find interesting.”

   “They’re we’re off on our quest to find them!” Roman declared, tugging Logan through the house as he launched into song, “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!”

   Roman was barely into the second line of his song before he was barreling into Virgil, who looked startled but not surprised by his boyfriend’s shenanigans. A little yelp was all the protest he gave as Roman grabbed his hand and kept going onwards.

   They managed to collectively stop before running into Patton, who had been heading down the hallway with a laundry basket in his arms. The stop was too quick, however, and the three boyfriends tumbled down with each other, their flailing bringing Patton and their clothes down too.

   Sprawled on the floor, covered in warm clothes, Patton was the first to laugh, giggling. Roman quickly joined in with a hearty laugh, Virgil falling victim as well before Logan gave in with quiet chuckles.

   “Well, that was a clothes fall.” Patton joked.

   “Patton… did you just combine two separate puns into one?”

   A new round of giggles answered Logan’s question. He let out an exasperated sigh and planted his face in his hands.

   “Why am I dating you, again?”

   Patton scooted over to Logan, snuggling into his side and resting his head on his shoulder. “Because you looooove me.”

   “Sadly.” Logan said, but he let his hands fall from his face to instead wrap around Patton, planting a kiss to his forehead.

   “Aww.” Roman cooed, sounding properly in love before he flopped on top of Virgil and whined, “Look at all the attention I’m not getting!”

   Virgil patted his head. “No offense, Ro, but I think anything less than the whole world’s attention isn’t enough for you.”

   Suddenly smirking, Roman lifted a hand to cup Virgil’s face. “Good thing the only thing the world’s currently focused on is me, my dear universe.”

   Virgil blushed and quickly changed the topic, “You going to tell us why you were so intent on bowling everyone in this house over, Princey?”

   “Logan had something to tell the three of us.” Roman responded, sitting up so he could cradle Virgil’s face in both his hands. “Though I’m sure whatever news he might bear could never be as interesting as your eyes, deep as wells that I might drown in; never be equal in the beauty of your smile, which Aphrodite herself could not match; never be as important as your mere existence held comfortably in my arms-”

   “The news, Logan?!” Virgil asked, voice high and cheeks very much aflame, only standing to increase Roman’s smirk as he took advantage of Virgil’s fluster to press light kisses across his face.

   Logan chuckled lightly. “It is not that intriguing, as I am aware two of you have already interacted with him, but I saw Thomas Sanders on my way home tonight.”

   Roman pulled away from Virgil to look at Logan, his emo boyfriend looking both relieved and put out at the loss of his attention. “You did?! What did he say?!”

   “I am not sure.” Logan responded, one hand running fingers through Patton’s hair. “I did not interact with him.”

   At this, all his boyfriends turned to look bewilderedly at him. “You… you saw Thomas Sanders and you didn’t even try to talk to him?” Virgil asked incredulously.

   Logan shrugged. “He seemed occupied with his evening wanderings, and I did not wish to bother him. And, attempting to interact with him would have required me to go in a direction that would not have kept me heading homeward bound.”

   “Thomas Sanders is a man to go out of your way for.” Roman said vehemently, Patton and Virgil nodding seriously in agreement.

   “I will keep that in mind if I see him again.” Logan replied. “Assuming I am not once more hurrying home after missing dinner.”

   “Aw, Lolo, are you saying you missed a chance to talk to Thomas Sanders so you could see us sooner?” Patton asked.

   “That, and I truly did not wish to bother him-”

   Patton ignored Logan’s second reason, wrapping his own arms around his boyfriend as he exclaimed, “Lolo really loves us!”

   Logan scoffed but didn’t attempt to break the tight hold he now found himself in. “I thought that was already abundantly clear.”

   “Yeah, but skippin’ out on meeting Thomas Sanders for an extra five minutes with us? That’s, like, the truest form of love.” Virgil said.

   “I believe you are all in desperate need of a, uh,” Logan stopped combing through Patton’s hair to pull a pile of crumpled cards out of his back pocket, flipping through them before flashing one of them at his boyfriends, “reality check?”

   “I’m happy you’re getting your slang down, teach, but considering in this case you are actually in the wrong, it’s you who needs the reality check.”

   Before Logan could argue the point, a beeping noise interrupted the four of them. Patton quickly detached from Logan’s side, more or less throwing himself to his feet as he ran for the kitchen. “My cookies!”

   Logan stood up. “I am going to make sure he does not burn himself. Might we shelve this silly discussion for another time?”

   Virgil shrugged as he started helping Roman pick up the clothes. “‘Long as you accept you missed the chance to meet one of the greatest men in the world there is no discussion.”

   Logan crouched next to Virgil at those words, whispering, “My dearest lamprotornis purpureus, Roman put it quite adequately when he likened you to the world. So long as we remain in each other’s orbits, how could a single man matter at all?” He pressed a kiss to Virgil’s cheek before heading back off towards the kitchen, leaving Virgil and Roman alone in the hallway.

   Roman chuckled at Virgil’s frozen in place expression. “Starstruck, are we?”

   In response, Virgil hid his bright red face in one of his shirts as he screamed.

   ~~

   Virgil was hiding from his boyfriends.

   After Roman and Logan decided last night was fluster Virgil night, Patton had promptly joined in, until every other comment was fully intended to burn his cheeks a permanent shade of crimson. Now, had he enjoyed the attention? Absolutely, but it was for his dignity that he was currently boycotting love and affection.

   Because that was going to last longer than two hours when he inevitably got sick of people and sunlight and came home of his own freewill.

   Despite it being a lovely afternoon, the streets were mostly empty, the middle of the week not being ideal for a day off or a trip that would bring tourists by. Not that Virgil minded. The emptiness was nice. Judging the few people that went by was nicer.

   Like, take the only dork Virgil could currently see. He was standing in the middle of the street, playing on his phone, probably addicted or something, and his hair was such an unkempt mess he had to keep brushing it back. He was wearing a Steven Universe shirt, so at least he had taste-

   Wait.

   Virgil stopped his walk, squinting at the man far down the street. It couldn’t be-

   Shit.

   It was.

   Before Virgil could do the reasonable thing, like run and never mention this happened as to avoid mocking from Roman and a satisfied eyebrow raise from Logan, Thomas looked up from his phone and- fuck he made eye contact with Virgil.

   Thomas raised his hand, waving at Virgil with a smile, already lowering his phone. Before Virgil could process anything else- or even think using some common sense- he had jumped behind the nearest bench.

   Pressing against the back of it, Virgil fought to keep his breathing normal. As soon as he wasn’t on the verge of hyperventilating, he would just peek out, and make a break for it as soon as he had determined where Thomas was. Focused on his breathing, Virgil didn’t hear the hurried footsteps approaching the bench

   He had, in fact, just gotten his breathing under control when a head popped over the edge of the bench. “Hi there. Uh, you okay, buddy?”

   To say Virgil freaked out might have been an overstatement. He just shrieked a little and scooted away from the head fast enough to seriously bruise his shoulder. His not-freaking out was not improved by realizing it was Thomas Sanders who had come over to check on him.

`    Thomas raised his hands calmingly as he settled down in a crouch in front of Virgil. “Hey, hey it’s alright. I just want to help. Can you breathe with me?” He asked, curling his hands into fists before popping out his fingers in a 4-7-8 pattern.

   As he fully calmed down, Virgil was hit with the thought that this was his first and probably only encounter with Thomas Sanders, and it was because he was having a panic attack. Just from Thomas Sanders seeing him.

   He was never going to live this down.

   Once his breathing was regular once more, Thomas lowered his hands onto his knees, tapping his fingers. “You okay?” He asked again.

   Virgil nodded his head. Thomas nodded with him.

   “That’s good.” Thomas said. “Can you tell me your name?”

   “V-Virgil.”

   Thomas smiled gently. “That’s a nice name. Now, Virgil, do you live nearby?”

   Virgil shook his head.

   “Okay. Is there anyone you can call to pick you up? I’d feel better knowing you were in good hands before I left.”

   Virgil nodded, digging a hand into his hoodie. Except-

   Virgil’s eyes widened as he realized he had left his phone at home, having been too busy being faux annoyed at his boyfriends to remember to grab it. Realizing what was wrong, and that Virgil seemed ready to spiral again, Thomas quickly pulled his own phone out of his pocket and offered it to him.

   “Here.” He said, pushing it a little more forwards when Virgil stared at it like it was alien technology. “You can use my phone to call them. You remember their number, yeah?”

   After another moment, Virgil nodded and took the phone, quickly putting in his and his boyfriends’ home number.

   “Hello.”

   “Logan.” Virgil said, shakily, more relieved than he wanted to admit.

   Logan’s tone immediately softened. “Virgil? Are you alright? Where are you?”

   “I-I’m fine.” Virgil said, mostly not a lie as long as he didn’t focus on the fact he was using Thomas Sanders’s phone to call his boyfriend, while Thomas Sanders waited in front of him, after Thomas Sanders helped him with his panic attack. “And, uh, at the corner of fourth and main. Uh, c-can you come pick me up?”

   Virgil heard Logan speak to someone else, followed by the sound of keys jingling. “We will be there in five minutes, alright, Virgil?”

   Virgil nodded into the phone before he realized Logan needed a verbal answer. “Uh, yeah. But, um, did you say five minutes? I thought the drive was fifteen-”

   “Five minutes, Virgil.” Logan repeated. “See you soon.”

   “Yeah.” Virgil replied before hanging up the phone. He handed it back to Thomas, who put it back into his pocket without breaking eye contact with Virgil.

   “Someone coming?” He asked, more to be sure than actually wondering.

   Virgil was halfway through a nod before he cleared his throat and answered, “Yeah. They’ll, uh, they’ll be here soon, so if you want to go…”

   “I think I’ll wait, just to be sure.” Thomas said, still smiling as gentle as snowfall. He moved from his crouch to sit criss-cross on the ground. “So,” He started after a moment, “you’re a fan? At least I assume that’s why you sprinted into hiding when I saw you.”

   Virgil’s expression turned sheepish. “Y-yeah…”

   “I get that.” Now Thomas looked a little sheepish. “Met Brendon Urie in a park a few months ago. I think I just sorta screamed at him and ran.”

   “Well, what are you supposed to do? Not panic?” Virgil asked, smiling a little. “I think it’s disrespectful if you’re calm.”

   “I guess so. I just feel silly. Celebrities are just people, y’know? I say it enough you think I’d remember.”

   “Brendon Urie is not ‘just people.’”

   “Fair point.” Thomas agreed with a laugh. Virgil chuckled a little with him. He only stopped when he saw his boyfriends’ car pull up near the curb, Roman and Patton piling out in an instant while Logan turned it off.

   Thomas managed to scoot to the side before Patton shot past him, trapping Virgil in an embrace tighter than a python’s. He pulled away a moment later, frantically running his hands over Virgil. “Are you okay? Did you get attacked? Mugged? Fall?”

   “I’m physically fine, Pat, don’t worry.” Virgil assured his boyfriend, grabbing his hands to stop them from patting him down for the third time in a minute. “And even if I wasn’t, I don’t think I would’ve worried.” He glanced at Logan, who was now approaching the group, keys in hand. “Three minutes? How’d you manage that, specs?”

   Logan shrugged. “I hit the lights right, I suppose.”

   Roman snorted. “More like ran all of them. And drove ten miles over the limit. And honked, a LOT.”

   “I may have bent a few rules.” Logan said, crossing his arms. “I was concerned.”

   “As we all were!” Patton added. “You forgot your phone! And then a stranger was calling, but it was you, and Logan almost didn’t pick up, what if he hadn’t picked up, Virgil?!”

   “I would have tried again.” Virgil responded, gently rubbing the backs of Patton’s hands. He seemed even more stressed than he had been. “And it wasn’t like a complete stranger was calling.”

   “What do you mean?” Patton asked, still distressed. Virgil nodded at Thomas, who had been quietly watching out of the way. He waved a little.

   “Uh, Patton, right?” Thomas said. “You were feeding ducks in the park a few days ago?”

   Patton’s eyes widened and he turned back to Virgil. “You called us on Thomas Sanders’s phone?!” At Virgil’s nod, he squealed. “You’re forgiven for worrying us.”

   Thomas chuckled. “You guys are really big fans, aren’t you?”

   “Patton was the,” Logan once more dug into his pocket, flipping through index cards for a few seconds before finding the proper one, “OG fan. It was not hard to persuade Roman and Virgil to join his obsession.” Logan said, nodding at each boyfriend in turn.

   “Like you aren’t just as big a fan as we are.” Roman accused, sliding down next to Virgil as he did so, slinging an arm around him.

   “My downfall was allowing myself to be confined to a bed with the three of you keeping me up every other night with Youtube marathons.” Logan returned.

   “You can pretend to be annoyed by it but I know you can quote most of the ‘Ask the Expert’ videos from memory.”

   Logan huffed. “I hate you.”

   Roman poked at his shin. “No you don’t.”

   “You can’t prove that.”

   Roman leaned up, still holding Virgil as he managed to wrap his hand around Logan’s wrist, nodding seriously after a moment. “Ah, yes, Logan you appear to have a pulse, which means you’re in love with me. I’d apologize, but being stuck in love with one of the most handsome, breathtaking people in the world is hardly a tragedy.”

   “You’re insufferable.”

   Thomas laughed quietly as he stood up. “I’m going to take it that Virgil’s in good hands with his, eh, boyfriends, yeah?”

   “It would be a crime for a man as captivating as Virgil to be tied to only one partner!”

   Virgil groaned. “Roman, this is why I left.”

   Roman released Logan’s wrist to pick up Virgil bridal style, ignoring the shriek of surprise as he started to say, sing-song, “But the gay got you anyway~” Twirling away with him towards the car while Patton giggled and followed.

   Logan fondly watched them wander off before turning back to Thomas. He offered the internet celebrity a genuine if small smile. “I would like to thank you for helping out Virgil.”

   Thomas shrugged it off. “Ah, it was nothing. I’m just happy he’s okay. And that he has such good boyfriends to take care of him.”

   Logan nodded before putting out his hand. Thomas took it after a moment and they shook hands.

   “Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Thomas. Have a good day.”

   “You too, Logan.” Thomas responded in farewell, remaining on the sidewalk as Logan climbed back into the driver’s seat and turned the car homewards.

   They were halfway there when Virgil jerked upwards, out of where he had been (illegally) foregoing his seatbelt to lay on Patton’s lap.

   “Something wrong, honey?” Patton asked.

   “I called you guys on Thomas Sanders’s phone.” Virgil said before wildly turning to look at Patton. “That means Thomas Sanders has our phone number!”

   “So?” Logan asked, glancing at the rearview mirror to see the top of Virgil’s head.

   “That means Thomas Sanders could call us! Whenever he wanted!”

   Roman chuckled from his position in the passenger seat. “As wondrous as that idea is, I find it doubtful to be anything more than a fantasy.”

   “Roman is correct.” Logan agreed. “Thomas has absolutely no reason to contact us, and given how many fans he meets, I am fairly certain he will not even remember us that long.”

   Virgil sighed and flopped back into Patton’s lap. “You’re probably right. Sure would be cool if he did though. And nerve-wracking.” He added. “Cool and nerve-wracking.”

   Patton resumed running his hands through Virgil’s hair.  “Well, I’m just glad we all got to meet him! Sure was the experience of a storytime!”

   Logan groaned while his other boyfriends started laughing rather excessively given the pun. Focusing his attention back on the road, Logan didn’t even bother to pretend he wasn’t smiling just a little. It had been nice to meet Thomas, even if only briefly. In the end, however, he was perfectly fine with only seeing the Youtube star on the screen.

   ~~

   One week later, the phone rang.

   Let’s just say it’s a good thing Virgil wasn’t the one to answer it.

[content-to-convert]

VIDEO DIDN’T KILL THE RADIO STAR...

VIDEO DIDN’T KILL THE RADIO STAR it just made him dress nicer 

By Pat Mellon 

Speaking of your brand evolving, PODCASTS are now a wise bullet to have in the arsenal of promotional weapons. In the early 2000's, for instance, you didn't have the option to record and distribute a PODCAST. The technology didn't exist to even IDENTIFY, much less create one- if you typed PODCAST into an email in 2002, it would have been flagged as a misspelling. 

But now, thanks to Audioblogging, re-branded as PODCASTING thanks to the iPOD, you can reach a targeted captive audience in a car on a long commute, with content that they've actually sought out. It's essentially a radio infomercial for the lifestyle of your product, without the PAID-PROGRAMMING aftertaste. Plenty of people have been slow to warm to the idea of such self-promotion and have waited to see if the technology and its effectiveness sustained or if it waned, the way QR codes did, or video discs did until the invention of the DVD. It can be an amazingly powerful part of your brand. 

Many rejected podcasting, as I did initially, as a waste of energy. In fairness, early on when there were no networks for podcasting and its business model was less focused than now, it smacked of self-congratulatory volunteer work. I saw it as an infringement on my profession. I have 15 years of radio hosting experience. I saw podcasts as competition. In my short-sighted view then, I didn't see the full potential of a podcast. I just saw it as people wanting my job. But as time went on, I began to see the ways, at least in terms of in-car entertainment, that podcasting was the future. And like the cryptic fortune cookie says, "Kill Your Darlings". Or maybe go with the less-confusing, "Reinvent Your Business Constantly. The End Goal May Be The Same But The Tools and Methods Evolve Constantly" which is a Ken Tucker quote I saw on a Snapple Cap. Or even the more direct, "You Have To Reinvent To Stay Fresh and In The Game" which Madonna said once. 

But early on, I saw it as the enemy - the way news journalists must have felt when FREELANCERS started getting a lot of the work in the late 90's. I thought, "If all you need to broadcast is a computer and an opinion, why the hell did I major in Broadcasting? It's like everyone becoming a Youtuber or a Social Media Influencer (seriously, that is NOT a good name. It's just saying what you're doing. It lacks creativity, like naming the glass thing you drink out of a "glass". Or the room with the bed a "bedroom". Or the thing you swing on a "swing". Or the... Sorry-I'll move on.) Anybody can become a Social Media Influencer these days, (and if they're under 14 and haven't been trying for half their lives then you might want to make sure they're breathing) and that means fame, sometimes money, but more important: LIKES. I overheard my 8 year-old playing with her friends and they were pretending there was a genie or something granting wishes and one girl asked for a pony, and another asked for a house of chocolate, and my daughter asked for a million LIKES on her video. LIKES are currency for pre-teen popularity. And LIKES or even merely PAGE VIEWS can be currency in the grown-up world of business. My point is that anyone with a computer and a camera can make money on Youtube if they hustle. It's simply the new normal. It's great, if not dangerous. We've yet to see the fallout of a generation raised on Youtubing, unless, of course, you count cautionary tales like Logan Paul or Jo Jo Siwa, both of whom are rich. It's simply another entertainment option for kids. I kinda thought podcasting was that, but for adults who only wanted quasi-fame; to show-off. But it's bigger than that.

If you're a plumber, for instance, and you want to maximize business, you probably want a decent social media footprint, some solid YELP reviews, and maybe even a podcast. Toilet clogged? Click here for an interview with master plumbers from all over. It's not the ONLY thing you should do. It's ONE of the things you should do.

On the consumer side, you have to realize that traffic, especially the bumper-to-bumper kind, is GOLD to a radio talk show host. People listen the most in their cars, so DJ's in New York and Los Angeles, the #1 and #2 radio markets depending on who you ask*, for instance, who entertain on the radio, are always on their toes to stay funny and relevant because it's so easy to push a button and change the station.

Then suddenly there was a new game in town. People were bypassing the radio altogether and plugging external sources into car sound systems, removing the commercials and unwanted Morning Zoo shenanigans, and rendering my entire college education and training void. My only hope was wishing death to the podcast movement, which I think I did a couple of times on the radio accompanied by a sound effect of a toilet flushing (Take THAT, Podcasting!). It didn't work. I kept hearing the word. Podcast. (eerie voice) PODD CAAAST! My head was in the sand. People would say to me, "you should do a podcast" and I'd cringe and wildly swing fists at imaginary ghosts who were accusing me of "Resting on your laurels" and "Holding on too tight.”

It took a while, but I get the appeal and, more importantly, the power of the Podcast. It's like a book-on-tape for the 21st century- 10 times as cool, though, because it's technologically relevant, and can be different every time you listen. So we agree that podcasts are real. And we acknowledge that there is room for many things on the dashboard of a car, be them outlets, or additional buttons. And we agree that the the way we do business is always changing and we have to adapt to some degree. So why all the hub bub? Because we can't have an intelligent conversation about the delicate existence of Podcasts without talking about Shane Gillis, the comedian who was hired and fired by Saturday Night Live in the same week last year. We need to understand the power of what it was that torpedoed his streetcar (tune into Mixed Metaphors with Pat Mellon Tuesdays on The Podd Couple, right after Poddamnit at 8, and Pod of Thunder with Gene Simmons at 8:17) He and a buddy do this show, this podcast, it's like a radio show but you don't listen to it on your grandpa's Victrola, you tether your MP3 player to the radio inside grandpa's Camry, and there's bad language, which there never is on traditional, boring old dumb talk radio, so right away, it's awesome (honestly, the only difference between Howard Stern on radio and Howard Stern on satellite is the F word) and the internet allows curses and take that, Mr. Suit and Tie, and this is going to be amazing. And on one particular show from 2018, Gillis said "chink" when describing someone in Chinatown. Not a huge scandal, but I guess you'd have to ask Roseanne Barr if the internet can get you into to any kind of trouble. She was exiled from the the entire US for a social media post that mentioned race and monkeys. And the same new normal that allows John Q. Anybody to do a podcast ALSO watches everything you do online and will sink you if it sees something it does not like. America can be confusing that way. Freedom of speech and freedom of complaining about freedom of speech are always at each other's throats, it seems. And you can't have it both ways. The guy who alerted the world to Bill Cosby's dating rituals online is loved by many but is also shunned by others, but that guy knows what he did and he knows not to complain about the ones who, well, complain. It's the price you pay.

The point is, you need to constantly be hustling and using all of technology’s modern tools to get your product out (they’re not burning DVD’s anymore) and maybe one of those avenues is a podcast with salty language, and maybe that podcast exists among your body of work that clients can enjoy whenever they want.

But we live in a new age of retroactive outrage. Eddie Murphy was on SNL and is arguably the most talented person the show has produced. He did a stand-up special in which he explores “What if Mr. T were a Faggot?” It was inflammatory and it was insensitive and it was homophobic (though that buzzword was still a decade from conception) because the premise of the joke- the attribution of homosexual behavior to a big, strong, black man being marginalized as solely predatory sodomy - crossed the line. When I spell it out like that it looks horrible. But it’s a simple comedic device: assigning unlikely behavior to someone for comedic purposes. It’s the fish-out-of-water gag. It’s why we had Mork, and Alf, and Balkie from Perfect Strangers. It’s Freaky Friday. It’s why The Rock playing a babysitter or a tooth fairy is funny. Murphy did this AFTER he was on SNL. But if has been released before he auditioned, do you think he’d have been hired? 

  Of course he would have. Because the Mr. T thing was a small part of that special (though, I recall, an extremely quotable part) and the people who didn’t like or appreciate the language didn’t have the bionic megaphone of the internet so they could get their outrage all over your conscience. The point is that your podcast is a reflection of your brand. You have to weigh your desire to speak freely and loosely with your desire to keep the Cancel Culture at bay. At a MINIMUM, though, you should keep things clean for your clients, listeners, and most importantly, your potential customers. Shane Gillis missed out of being on SNL and fame, instead on infamy because he broke one of society's biggest rules:he said something controversial out loud. Granted, it was in bad taste, but if that were a crime half of us would be in jail. It's just important to remember that your language on a work-based podcast should be professional, which I realize cannot be defined easily, but maybe stay away from slang and cursing. Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.