#me trying to remember that movie Dax Shepard was in
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
1427 · 9 months ago
Text
spineabifida? zootopia? nah brah, zathura
0 notes
nsfwhiphop · 8 months ago
Text
Incoming Text for Bad Moms Mila & Kristen:
Hey, Mila Kunis & Kristen Bell!
So, tell me, ladies! How much did you pay them to appear of my tumblr feed?
I was scrolling my tumblr feed and lo and behold, what do I see? I was stunned, I saw the BAD MOMS reunion, it was Mila & Kristen.
How are you ladies? Wassup? I know wassup, it was a rhetorical question, I know why you want to get my attention because you know that I'm trying to ignore you on purpose.
Here is a funny dialogue:
Kristen says: "Hey, Angelo, why are you ignoring us?"
Angelo says: "I'm not, I swear."
Mila says: "Come on, really? The sneak out, how incredibly cliché of you."
Angelo says: "I can't get away with it, can I?"
Mila says: "Oh, no you can't."
Kristen says: "Listen, I had to make a movie titled "Queen Pins", it was with Vince Vaughn, okay? Please don't make me go back to the drawing board and make a low budget movie like Queen Pins again."
Angelo says: "Why? What's wrong with that movie, I kind of enjoyed that one, it was fun. You take that back, stop it, Queen Pins was a fun movie."
Kristen says: "Okay, I take that back, it was fun. But you're missing the point, I don't want to live like this anymore, get me out of here.
Angelo says: "You have no idea how much I loved watching "House of Lies", I'm a big fan of that show, I miss the POD, they were so fun to watch, Don Cheadle and Dawn Olivieri, the love triangle with Kristen Bell, it was very entertaining, the way the FBI raided the offices of Don Cheadle's character Marty Kaan. I miss that show, they should bring it back."
Mila says: "Yeah, yeah, we miss that show! Stop it, I wanna know, are you cutting us out? Are we getting anything?"
Angelo says: "I don't remember saying anything that could have mislead you into thinking I was giving you anything, Mila, I respect you a lot but I didn't offer anything, I offered a deal to Kristen Bell, I remember offering something to Kristen Bell on my twitter page and her husband Dax Shepard knows already, it's not a secret."
Mila says: "So, you're giving her but not me, why? I want something too, this is not fair, okay?"
Angelo says: "Okay, Mila & Ashton, I'll will make sure you get something too, I got your back, don't worry, be happy."
Mila says: "Thanks Angelo, you're a doll, I mean, you're sweet."
Kristen says: "Okay, so how much are we talking about?"
Angelo says: "How much can you handle in your purse? Is Two billion okay for you? I will give two billion to Mila Kunis too, that will be four billion, that way you will never bother me again."
Mila says: "I want more, I can't help it, I'm greedy, can I get some more?"
Angelo says: "No, two billion will suffice."
Kristen says: "I thought I was getting more than two billion, what are you doin' man?"
Angelo says: "You will get the rest of your 30 billion dollars many years later, you will get two billion first."
Also, you can stay with Ashton & Dax, don't leave your husbands, they are good men, I respect them, stay with them, don't leave them, okay?
You are my sisters, I'm your brother, I got too many women in my life and I have no time for y'all, so it's better that you stay with your husbands because I can't be your man.
I hope this will get you off my back now.
Say hello to Ashton & Dax, my buddies for life.
Okay, ladies, this chat was fun.
Love you, Mila & Kristen! Have fun, big hug for you!
P.S:
SPOILER! Bad Moms party scene
This is one of my favorite scenes from Bad Moms, see below:
youtube
0 notes
superhero--imagines · 3 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
Fill out an interest check for my haikyuu zine here | buy my Batman zine here!
A/N: wrote this for @neoheros and @coophi Writing contest. Features being married 25 and younger for all breast having readers. Slightly suggestive themes, but mostly fluff.
Atsumu has a thing for your chest.
It’s not a secret. If you’re wearing a low-cut top, the neckline in a smooth u-shaped scoop. Or a dress with a plunging neckline, a soft curve of either breast on each side.
He gets dumbstruck every time.
It’s not even sexual, well not all the time, he just thinks they’re cute. Like a couple of puppies. He just wants to smother them in kisses and tell them how cute they are.
So when he sees them wrapped in beautiful fabric, looking good and healthy, he swells with pride. (Amongst other things, he is still a man after all)
‘Mah babies are doin’ good’ he’ll think with a soft smile.
So when he walks into your shared bedroom, duffel bag still in hand, and see’s you sitting on the bed completely topless, your breasts covered by nothing but your bare hands, the dainty silver band glinting on your finger - he practically combusts.
Your eyes travel from the laptop flipped open in front of you, to your husband who’s still standing in the doorway. You expression brightens the second you see him, eyes sparkling as a smile arch’s onto your mouth.
“You’re home!” You cheer, hands still clasped at either breast.
Atsumu gulps, not trusting his mouth to properly form words, he briskly nods.
“ ‘Sumu can you do me a favor and hold my boobs up?”
That’s it. He’s dead.
Time? 3:47 PM
Cause? Brain aneurysm, he couldn’t take the mental stimulation of a dream he didn’t even realize he had coming true.
“ ‘Tsumu?” You call, he’s just been standing there at the doorway since he saw you. Is he mad? He did just come home from practice, he must be tired. You’re just about to tell him that it’s okay, he should relax, when he nods his head.
“Y-yeah, ‘course ‘ah can baby,” Atsumu shakes his head, he’s acting like a damn teenager right now! What’s there to be so flustered about anyway? You’re his wife, he’s seen you naked tons of times, no reason to get all dopey about a little fondling.
“Are you sure? I don’t wanna bother you-“
“It’s no bother!” Atsumu winces as the high pitched tone of his protest. Talk about over eager. He clears his throat, hand curling in her his chin. “ ‘Ah mean, this is what husbands are for right? Even Dax Shepard sucked out Kristen Bell’s breast milk when she needed it-“ Geez, why is he mentioning that now?!?
“Anyway, point is ‘s no bother, ‘lemme just u-uh,” he flinches when his voice cracks. “Let me get behind ya” he finishes, clearing his throat when you shuffle forward, your breasts bouncing slightly.
Damn, they look so cute.
Atsumu has to bite his lip to stay focused, frosty white teeth nibbling at the plump flesh of his bottom lip as he shuffles behind you. His legs thrown on either side of your frame, as you settle between them.
He gulps again when his hands replace yours.
With the way you’re seated his chin almost brushing against your hair, he gets wafts of your shampoo, and at this angle he gets a top side view of his precious babies. The perfect scent to accompany the perfect view. They’re so much softer than he remembers too, it’s almost like-
“Atsumu stop,” he freezes, did he do something wrong? His hands automatically move to retreat back to his side when he see’s you shake your head. “No, stop squeezing, it hurts.”
Atsumu’s eyebrows thread together, his mouth pursing until it’s a straight line.
“It hurts?” You nod, not looking away from your laptop, your fingers dancing across the keyboard.
“Yeah they’re just so swollen,” you start.
‘So they’re swollen’ he thinks. Looking back he should have realized there was a reason you suddenly wanted him to hold your breasts.
“they’re so sore I think it’s making my nipples sensitive too-“
And that explains why you weren’t wearing a bra or a shirt
“They were hurting so bad I didn’t think I would be able to finish this report for work,”
Which explains the laptop, he remembers you saying you had a deadline coming up. Actually, he wasn’t quite sure what part that played in the fantasy- maybe something a little scandalous, like you were watching a dirty movie on it or something.
“But now you’re here!” Your fingers stop, abandoning the keyboard entirely and focusing all your attention on him. You twist your torso so you can face him. Your thumb caresses his face, and you press a kiss to his cheekbone.
“You’re my hero Atsumu”
Atsumu is only twenty-three, no longer a boy, yet still not a man.
But he’s trying hard to grow into one, a man you can be proud to call your husband. A mature man who you always think is cool and makes you feel like you’re going to melt.
Atsumu can’t help but feel like a teenage boy when he feels a wobbly smile curl onto his face, steam practically curling out of his ears.
“ ‘course ‘ah am,” he huffs, his chest puffing out. “ ‘s a husbands job to be their partners hero” you giggle, he’s always saying the cheesiest stuff when you give him a genuine compliment. It’s kind of cute how he still gets flustered around you. Throw him in front of a bunch of reporters or fans and he’ll play them all like a fiddle, but in front of you…he’s just a boy.
His expression gets softer when you turn back to the laptop. Your hero, huh? He likes the sound of that. But-
“I’d rather be the love of your life, though” he mumbles, face pressed into your hair, and his hands holding your breast.
“What was that?” You ask, hissing when he squeezes in surprise. Crap, he didn’t think you heard. He sighs in relief when you tell him to be more gentle, you’re in a lot of pain. Looks like you’ve let the topic go.
“I know you’re used to-“ you pause mid-sentence when you shuffle back, resting against your husband's chest only to feel something hard other than the prominent muscles on his chest.
“Are you-“ before you can get a word in edgewise, Atsumu screams:
“What? I’m pretty sure Kristen Bell’s husband was a little turned on too when he sucked out that breast milk!”
For a single second the silence stretches between you two, and then you break out laughing
“What is with you and Kristen Bell?” You gasp between wheezes of laughter. Atsumu is laughing beside you.
“ ‘Ah donno, ‘s the only celebrity couple ‘ah keep up with.” You rest your head back on his shoulder, still laughing when he leans down for a kiss.
346 notes · View notes
unclecrizzle · 7 years ago
Text
THE WORST MOVIES OF 2017: THE UNCLE CRIZZLE EDITION
Tumblr media
As someone who reviews awful movies on the regular, I could easily give you about fifty, truly terrible films I caught this year. But, as always, the top ten are the ones that I thought would at least be interesting. Instead, they disappointed the shit out of me. And they are:
1.       A Ghost Story – I’m still trying out what colleagues whom I respect see in this boring, pretentious-ass waste. Even the sight of that mesmerizing waif Rooney Mara stress-gorging on pie wasn’t enough for me to give a fuck about this.
2.       Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets – What should’ve been a marvelously pulpy adaptation of a classic, French, sci-fi comic book series was an busy, unappealing eyesore, complete with vapid lead performances from blank-slate pretty faces Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne and a pointless, bloated cameo from Rihanna. This movie pissed me the fuck off.
3.       Downsizing – The latest from well-respected auteur Alexander Payne (Election, Sideways) was a misguided attempt at class satire that eventually turned into one of the most racist films I’ve seen in recent memory. Seriously, Hong Chau better not win a Golden Globe for basically doing Anjelah Johnson’s nail-salon lady for the duration of a movie.
4.       The Snowman – I defy anyone to tell me what the hell was going on in this incomprehensible, snow-capped clusterfuck. Even director Tomas Alfredson, who stepped in for Martin Scorsese, immediately began distancing himself from this whodunit in interviews, saying a lot of what he wanted to film didn’t end up in the final project. But a dubbed Val Kilmer wandering around like a deranged old man – that easily made it in, huh?
5.       The Book of Henry – What was supposed to be director Colin Trevorrow’s chance to make a simple, humanistic bit of filmmaking before helming the ninth Star Wars movie turned out to be what allegedly got him fired from starting work on that project. Hey, if someone made a batshit-crazy movie about a woman who attempts to kill her next-door, child-molesting neighbor because her dead son told her to, would you give him the keys to the Millennium Falcon?
6.       The Mummy – Yeah, this was supposed to be the beginning of the “Dark Universe” franchise. Instead, it was derivative nonsense that wasted a game Tom Cruise and made you not want to deal with the monsters from Universal’s heyday. I’m glad “Dark Universe” is dead and gone.
7.       All I See Is You – Seriously, what the fuck are we gonna do with Blake Lively? Even though The Shallows made a lot of people believe this blond fox had some depth to her, this horseshit from Marc Forster (Monster’s Ball), where Lively played a blind chick who gets her eyesight back and starts to think her husband is holding her back, only reminded us how much shit we’ll take from cute, white women before we’re like, “Yeah, why am I watching this?”
8.       CHiPs – Yeah, Baywatch was some sun-soaked bullshit. But the worst movie of 2017 based on a memorably cheesy TV show was this infuriating garbage, which only existed to show that stars Dax Shepard (who also directed) and Michael Pena were some badass dudes drunk off their own machismo.  Speaking of toxic-masculinity bullshit…
9.       Fist Fight – True story: A friend and I got high before the movie. It was sativa, so I was tripping balls. When we watched the movie, even the disorienting high I was having couldn’t keep me from noticing how fuckin’ putrid this movie was. By the way, this movie also wasted Christina Hendricks, which pissed me off beyond belief.
10.   American Assassin – All I gotta say is: WORST USE OF MICHAEL KEATON EVER!
Can I throw one more in there?
11.   Any movie starring Bruce Willis – Seriously, what the fuck happened to this guy? Remember how awesome he was in Die Hard and The Sixth Sense? Now, he’s phoning it the fuck in in atrocities like this and that. I’m starting to think Kevin Smith has every right to constantly remind people he’s a bitch to work with.  
1 note · View note
starfriday · 8 years ago
Text
CHIPS, directed by Dax Shepard is releasing across cinemas in India on March 24th, 2017.
Dax Shepard (“Hit & Run,” TV’s “Parenthood”) and Michael Peña (“Ant-Man”) star in the action comedy “CHIPS,” directed by Shepard from his own script.   
Jon Baker (Shepard) and Frank “Ponch” Poncherello (Peña) have just joined the California Highway Patrol (CHP) in Los Angeles, but for very different reasons.  Baker is a beaten-up former pro motorbiker trying to put his life and marriage back together.  Poncherello is a cocky undercover Federal agent investigating a multi-million dollar heist that may be an inside job—inside the CHP.  
The inexperienced rookie and the hardened pro are teamed together, but clash more than click, so kick-starting a real partnership is easier said than done.  But with Baker’s unique bike skills and Ponch’s street savvy it might just work…if they don’t drive each other crazy first.
“CHIPS” also stars Rosa Salazar (“Insurgent”), Adam Brody (“Think Like a Man Too”), Kristen Bell (“Bad Moms”), and Vincent D’Onofrio (“Jurassic World”).
The film was produced by Andrew Panay (“Earth to Echo,” “Wedding Crashers”), who previously produced Shepard’s “Hit & Run,” and Ravi Mehta (“Get Hard”), and is based on the popular television series created by Rick Rosner.  Robert J. Dohrmann, Nate Tuck, Rick Rosner, Michael Peña and Dax Shepard served as executive producers.
Collaborating behind the scenes were director of photography Mitchell Amundsen (“Ride Along 2”), production designer Maher Ahmad (“Hangover 3”), editor Dan Lebental (“Ant-Man”), costume designer Diane Crooke (TV’s “Parenthood”) and composer Fil Eisler (“Empire”).
Warner Bros. Pictures presents, an Andrew Panay Production, “CHIPS” is distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment company.  
ABOUT THE MOVIE
SEX, DRUGS & HIGHWAY PATROL
What happens when you team up a former X-Games star with a busted-up body and a painkiller habit, and an over-sexed undercover Fed with too much confidence, give them each a badge and a bike and set them loose on the sun-baked highways of Southern California?  
CHIP happens.  
More to the point, if you’re writer/director Dax Shepard, you deliver a buddy cop comedy loaded with enough action, stunts and hard-R humor to push it to the legal limit.
Shepard also stars as Jon, opposite Michael Peña as his partner, Ponch.  “This is about two very different guys with vastly different agendas and skill sets, who have to learn how to ride together, pick up the slack for each other and ultimately trust each other with their lives,” Shepard says.  And if that sounds a little high-minded, “It also has nudity—though granted, mostly of me—and epic chases, destruction, and explosions.  I don’t think we went more than three days on this movie without blowing something up.  The action is real, the jumps are real and the fights are almost real.”  
In other words, this ain’t your parents’ “CHIPS.”
Jon Baker is a newly minted officer of the California Highway Patrol, CHP for short.  Jon’s a mess.  But, fueled by optimism, prescription meds and a single-minded desire to make good and win back his ex-wife, he’s ready to face any challenge or humiliation with everything he’s got.  For now, that means playing it by the book, keeping his nose clean and writing lots of tickets.  Just one problem: he’s stuck on day one with a take-charge partner who doesn’t give a damn about any of that.
Francis Llewellyn Poncherello, aka Ponch, is actually Miami FBI agent Castillo, a guy with a big success rate and the swagger to match.  He also has a pathological weakness for women, especially women in yoga pants, which is a much bigger problem now that has to straddle a bike every day.  Perpetually cocked and locked, he’s in L.A. undercover to smoke out a dirty-cop robbery ring inside the CHP.  
Of course Jon doesn’t know this up front, including the fact that he was picked as Ponch’s partner only because they figured he was too green to ask questions.  Or get in the way.  
But when things get real out there, these two newest members of the force have to find a way to get past each other’s bulls**t and get on with it, because they have only each other to rely on.
Producer Andrew Panay, who collaborated with Shepard on the 2012 romantic action comedy “Hit & Run,” signed up for the ride as soon as he read the script.  “It’s incredibly funny, and wall-to-wall action,” he says. “The comedy is edgy and the action is a little throwback because it’s not a lot of visual effects.  We did most of the stunts in-camera, and Dax does a lot of his own stunts, so it feels authentic.”
“I can think of a lot of movies that are funny but I don’t remember the action, or it was just background,” says Peña.  “This is obviously a comedy, but Dax wanted the jokes and the stunts to work together so when we transition into the action sequences there’s validity to it.  He really gets the setups and the payoffs and how to break down the characters so people can relate.”
It helped that Shepard was writing about something he loves—motorcycles—and that he knew the players.  “I started this project knowing Michael and I were Ponch and Jon, so I could play to our strengths.  A lot of times you’re writing in a vacuum because you don’t know the cast, but I could be more specific here.  My passion is motorcycles and cars, so I knew we’d be doing a lot of riding, and that gave me the freedom to write scenes where we’re talking trash over a chase.  All of that definitely informed the kind of story I was going to tell.”
Shepard was committed to showcase a range of stunts with high-performance machines. “I wanted great motorcycle action from a variety of disciplines, so we have motocross-style stunts, road race stunts, drifting, a lot of different things,” he lays out.  “We needed bikes that could jump and corner tight with amazing speed and braking, bikes that could handle stairs.  But I couldn’t do those things on stock CHP bikes because the logic wouldn’t hold up.  The bad guys could have whatever they wanted, and that was a completely different vibe, but I had to figure out how to get Jon and Ponch onto cool motorcycles to catch up with them. That introduced the premise of Ponch being undercover FBI.”  
The writer/director also took a page from his own life by giving Jon the need to figure out what makes people tick.  “Jon’s always trying to understand why he does what he does.  I’m very much interested in what drives me, or what drives other people, so that became a part of the character,” Shepard explains.  That translates into Jon trying to analyze his hug-averse partner, or, say, figure out why Ponch requires so much “alone time” in the bathroom multiple times a day…  
A running joke in the film, Jon’s touchy-feely observations contrast with Ponch’s more down-and-dirty commentary, like the way he has to enlighten his out-of-circulation partner on the current sexual scene—namely certain back door maneuvers Jon had no idea had gone mainstream.  
Either way, what it boils down to is them being themselves.  And being guys.  “Ponch and Jon come from opposite directions on so many things,” says producer Ravi Mehta.  “Not only tight-lipped versus TMI, but Jon’s a stickler for the rules and Ponch likes to fly by the seat of his pants, so they start out not clicking at all.  But once they’re through fighting it, and let their guards down, they actually feed off of how different they are.  That’s when it becomes more of a bromance and a true partnership.”
That means owning their screw-ups as much as merging their talents.  
Citing the inspiration he drew from the late ‘70s/early ‘80s TV series created by Rick Rosner, who is now one of the film’s executive producers, Shepard says, “To me, the key elements of that show were the setting, the bikes, and the fact that Jon and Ponch were heroes.”  And as much as those characters were unique to the show, his Jon and Ponch are different. This is a new incarnation, with its own personality—a big-screen “CHIPS” for a new generation that takes the stunts, action, and comedy further than the small screen would allow.  
It wouldn’t be the CHP without Southern California.  “The CHP is emblematic of California and we worked incredibly hard to keep this production in Los Angeles,” says Mehta.  “We made sure L.A. was featured in the art direction and the action, so audiences will see parts of the downtown area as well as beaches and deserts.  There’s even a chase through pine trees in the Angeles National Forest.”
“Growing up in Detroit, where it was overcast a lot and freezing cold, I loved L.A.-based films,” says Shepard.  “For me it was a two-hour vacation to sunny SoCal.”
But this take on California living is far from laid-back. “The story is constantly moving,” says Vincent D’Onofrio, who stars as Lieutenant Ray Kurtz, a veteran cop with the power to make a whole lot of trouble for the new recruits.  “It wows you with the action and the motorcycle scenes.  Then so many of these actors are also great comedians and they’re just killing it.”  
The “CHIPS” main starring cast includes Adam Brody as Clay Allen, an FBI agent Castillo shoots “accidentally on purpose” in Miami before taking this West Coast gig as Ponch.  His arm in a sling, the still-pissed-off Allen follows Castilo to L.A. as the bureau’s point person on the case.  Rosa Salazar also stars as CHP officer Ava Perez, who shares Jon’s love of hot bikes…and possibly other things, if only he’d get with the program.  
Not surprisingly, “CHIPS” bears little resemblance to the day-to-day lives of actual CHP officers, some of whom worked with the production to keep everyone safe during their location shoots on active roadways.  “The officers on set with us were great sports,” says Shepard.  “It goes without saying, we have nothing but respect for the job that law enforcement does every day to keep us safe in the real world.  Everything we did was to the extreme and played for entertainment.”
In fact, there was a great deal of cooperation between the CHP and the filmmaking team, from informal pre-production meetings over the content and logistics of the script to a tour of the organization’s Sacramento training facility.  “During the shoot, they gave us escorts on scouts, which gave us freeway access that would have otherwise been nearly impossible to secure,” Panay recounts. The filmmakers were even granted access to the CHP headquarters in downtown Los Angeles, which, he adds, “was something we had been hoping for and was the pinnacle of our working relationship.”
But in case there’s any doubt about what audiences are in for, “CHIPS” opens with this friendly disclaimer: This film is not endorsed by the California Highway Patrol.  At all.
TO SERVE AND BRO-TECT
The oldest rookie to ever join the force, as his supervisor points out, Jon Baker may not seem like an obvious candidate for the job—that is, until his fellow recruits see him ride.  Clearly, “The Baker” is still a force to content with on the road, but, says Shepard, “As an X-Games motocross competitor he had sponsors and fans; he had the money and the glory and the great life.  That’s all over now.  He’s had about 20 surgeries, broken a lot of bones, and he’s not in the best physical shape.  He’s in a transition period.”
Mostly, Jon is still reeling from the breakup of his marriage.  Karen, played by Shepard’s real-life wife Kristen Bell, is a trophy from his heyday that he can’t let go.  He’s convinced he can get her back once he gets out of his slump, so he continues to live in the tiny guest room behind the luxury home they once shared, and that Karen still occupies, just to remain close.  And, in spite of her total lack of interest, Shepard offers, “he continues to attend couples therapy.  Alone.”
At the same time, the former star athlete is focusing on a new career path he hopes will make his ex take notice.  The only thing he really knows how to do is ride a motorcycle, so he picks a profession for which that advantage might tip the odds in his favor.  
But, whatever his motives, Shepard notes, “It turns out that once they decide to give him a badge, he takes this job very seriously.”
Not so with Ponch.  In his mind, this ace fed is just passing through.  He’s here to wrap up his assignment, hang up his helmet and go home.  The truth is, Ponch’s high-profile cases have created some high-profile collateral damage, and sending him to California was good for the bureau in more ways than one.  Sure, he’s here to break up this insider ring.  But, since he was caught sexting with the wife of a drug kingpin he just busted in Miami, it would also be better for everyone if he was out of town, and out of touch, during the trial.
“Yeah, he’s a little bit of a sex addict,” Peña acknowledges.
“I actually like some of Ponch’s quirks,” the actor continues.  “He’s kind of clumsy, for one.  He thinks he can do anything, so, even though he can’t really ride a bike that well, he’s always pushing that limit.  His ego gets in the way and sometimes he crashes.  But beyond that, he’s capable at what he does and he’s really focused on the case, and I like that about him.”  
Peña’s portrayal, Mehta feels, “preserves the machismo of the character while bringing a whole level of comedy to it with these very human flaws.”  
For Shepard, “I couldn’t see anyone but Michael in this role. He’s a phenomenal actor and effortlessly charismatic, even when he needs to be angry or embarrassed.”
Matched up with Jon, it’s a sure bet he’s gonna be angry and embarrassed a lot.
What Ponch expects in a partner is someone who can follow orders, keep his mouth shut and not draw too much attention. Unfortunately, none of those things describe Jon.  On the other hand, Jon’s ideal partner would be a generally more easygoing guy who knows how to take a bunny hill without rolling off his ride, and is open to a little meaningful conversation from time to time.  
“So much of the story is about their dynamic,” says Peña.  “Ponch is very logical and focused on the present, and Jon is more in tune with his feelings and about fixing his marriage, like he’s always ‘three beers too deep’ with the intimacy.”
To his credit, Ponch comes to grudgingly acknowledge Jon’s instincts as a detective, not to mention his insane skills on two wheels.  As they continue to work together, with all the minute-by-minute sacrifices and real heroism that entails, they begin to understand more about each other. “Ponch starts to meet Jon in the middle and maybe even attempt a more emotional point of view, and it’s funny to watch him try out this completely unfamiliar approach,” he adds.
The bottom line is, they have a job to do.  Someone in the CHP has been running a series of armored car robberies with black-and-whites and motorcycles, in broad daylight, to the tune of millions of dollars.  And that’s not all.  There was a suspicious suicide at one of the recent heists, which gives the guys their first promising lead.  The questions are: who in the department is involved?  Who knows what’s going on and who doesn’t?  
Their investigation soon turns toward Ray Kurtz, played by Vincent D’Onofrio.  Whether or not he proves to be one of the cops they’re after, no one denies that Kurtz is one scary dude.
As D’Onofrio sees it, “Kurtz has been around a long time and he’s a bit of a hardass, but he’s also a really good cop and I think everyone on his team respects him.  He’s in a tough situation and he has to get out of it.  Whenever I play characters like this, I don’t play them necessarily as good guys or bad guys but just people. I feel for his situation and the difficult things he has to do, to get what he needs done, and that’s his part of the story.
“He has a problem with Ponch right away, and goes after him,” D’Onofrio goes on to reveal, “but there are also moments of lightness where they’re talking back and forth and it’s just crazy and funny.  We did different versions, from super funny to serious, because my character has issues and you don’t know what’s going to work and how far you can go.”
As Jon and Ponch dig deeper into the case and find new ways to run afoul of Kurtz, they also catch the attention of officers Ava Perez and Lindsey Taylor—played by Rosa Salazar and Jessica McNamee.  Lindsey calls Ponch for herself, while Ava sets her sights on fellow bike enthusiast Jon.  At least that’s what he thinks when she invites him on an off-road excursion.    
Extenuating circumstances would never stand between Ponch and a hot date, but with Jon it’s more complicated.  At the first hint of Ava’s interest, he launches into full disclosure.  Says Salazar, “It’s touching that he wants to repair his marriage and says so.  He’s like an open wound, vulnerable, but in a nice way.  Ava likes that, and she’s obviously attracted to him but she’s a brass-tacks type of woman, very straightforward and real, and what she actually says is, ‘Get over yourself.  I just asked you to go for a ride.’”
“It’s important that Ava have the upper hand on Jon at all times,” Shepard comments.  “She’s witty and sarcastic, cool and tough.  She loves motorcycles and she loves being a cop.  I worked with Rosa on ‘Parenthood’ and she’s wonderful.  She brings great ideas to the table.”  
On reading the script, Salazar recalls, “It was the funniest thing I’d read in forever but that’s not surprising because Dax is the funniest guy you’ll ever meet.”  About the action, she thought, “I’m gonna get so hurt on this movie.  I’m going to be jumping over barriers and there’s fire, and fights, and helicopters.  But I love action-comedy and Dax assured me it would all be safe and it really was a blast.”
Ponch, meanwhile, heats things up with Lindsey.  “I get to kick ass and chase bad guys around,” McNamee says. “The relationship Lindsey strikes up with Ponch is kind of unlikely and unexpected, so it’s cool to play into all of that.  Jon and Ponch certainly come in and shake things up.  I think for Ava and Lindsey there’s a kind of ‘fresh meat’ instinct to it, but they also find them endearing and charming in their own odd little ways.’”
Throughout all of this, Ponch touches base with his former FBI colleague turned bureau contact Clay Allen.  Supposedly calling the shots on the case, Allen mostly ends up eating Ponch’s dust after arriving five minutes late to the party every time.  It’s a role based largely on “anger and indignation,” observes Adam Brody.  “When Allen and Castillo—now Ponch—were working together in Miami, things went south.  Ponch shot a suspect through Allen’s shoulder and he’s still mad about it.  He feels that wasn’t necessary.”
Shepard credits Brody’s expressions and keen timing for elevating the role beyond his expectations. “He’s just so funny and so quick—anything you throw at him, he will say it in such a way that immediately makes it twice as entertaining.”   
Adds Brody, “At first, it looked like the part was mostly playing straight man for Ponch, but when I arrived on set it was, no, what they want is for Allen to be an idiot.  And I really liked that, because I love playing an idiot.”
“Dax’s dialogue is amazing, so we had all these well drawn characters on the page,” says Panay, “but what we looked for in assembling this fantastic cast were actors who could also push the comedy in their own way.  Dax likes everyone to open up and swing big.”
Also suiting up for the “CHIPS” cast is Isiah Whitlock Jr. as Ponch’s FBI boss, Peterson, who runs the gamut from disgusted and ticked off to full-on apoplectic.  But he still manages to find laughs in anything that puts his least-favorite employee on the hot seat. Jane Kazcmarek is Ponch’s supervisor Captain Lindel, a woman with a shockingly relaxed sense of protocol; Richard T. Jones is officer Parish, the wrong man with whom to pick a fight; David Koechner is Pat, a wrestling trainer who doesn’t appreciate Jon’s unconventional technique; and actor/environmental activist Ed Begley Jr. takes an ironic turn in the unlikeliest role his fans could imagine, for reasons that will be obvious the instant he speeds into frame … in a Ferrari.  
Kristen Bell dives into the role of Jon Baker’s carefree ex, Karen, the undeserving object of his self-improvement efforts. Marking her fourth big-screen collaboration with Shepard, Bell says, “Karen needs to be the person audiences don’t want for Jon.  They should be shouting, ‘No, don’t do it!’  Karen is vain and all about appearances, and she thinks she’s the ultimate prize.  Things started going south in their marriage the day he stopped placing first in his events.  That’s the kind of person she is.  
“Dax almost didn’t cast me,” Bell contiues.  “After he wrote the role, he sat me down and said, ‘I’m not positive you can be as unlikable as I need you to be for this,’ which I took both as a compliment and an insult,” she laughs.  “Because I can be very unlikable.”  
SETTING EACH OTHER RIGHT
WHEN THINGS GO WRONG
To boost the level of action on “CHIPS,” from bridges to bathtubs, Shepard reunited with renowned stunt performer Steve De Castro.  De Castro, who first served as stunt coordinator for him on “Hit & Run,” enlisted pros as well as the best stunt riders to execute the trickiest and most spectacular maneuvers.  Also on board were special effects coordinator Larz Anderson, production designer Maher Ahmad, and cinematographer Mitchell Amundsen.
“With Mitch, you get kinetic action; the camera is always moving.  He’s a cowboy,” says Ravi Mehta, who had worked with Amundsen and knew he would be a good fit.  “Selecting key department heads is just like casting, you have to put the right pieces together.”
“He shot a ‘Bourne,’ he shot ‘Mission Impossible’ and ‘Transformers,’” Shepard offers in short, “so this is a guy who’s been in that pursuit vehicle and operating a crane for hundreds of hours.  I had a very accomplished team all around.  We were in very good hands.”  
Shepard kept the action as real as possible.  “That was our whole approach.  The most we did digitally was to swap out a bike, so generally if you see something happening on screen, it happened,” he confirms.  “Everything the motorcycles do in this movie was actually done by someone.  And as much as I could put myself or Michael into it, I would.  For example, we got Michael to do his own burnout in a scene and it got a fantastic reaction from him.”
The film opens with a bank robbery, shootout and pursuit through the crowded streets of Long Beach, which doubled for Ponch’s home town of Miami.  In the driver’s seat of the lead car, Ponch makes no distinction between the road and the sidewalk.  For audiences, it’s an intro to the ride they are embarking on, and to Ponch a sign of things to come, as this chase is the prelude to a bigger and crazier one set in Los Angeles.   
The L.A. sequence begins with Jon and Ponch after a suspect in a residential neighborhood that opens onto city streets, then takes them up and down a parking structure, across the beach and into the L.A. river basin before culminating on Downtown’s 4th Street Bridge.  There, all hell breaks loose with cars and motorcycles, a helicopter, a SWAT Humvee, a motorhome in the wrong place at the wrong time and yes, even a bicycle cop.  
De Castro outlines one of this scene’s key beats: “We had 100 stunt performers and extras on the beach, with bikes jumping into the sand, going through volleyball nets and heading up a sand dune.  As Jon and the bad guy hit the berm, the bad guy is in front and spins a 180 in mid air, then shoots at Jon’s leg.  That’s X-Games gold medalist Lance Coury.  It’s a 75-foot jump.  When you see the bike spin around it’s what they call a turndown, but he’s doing it one-handed, which he’d never done before.  Then following him over the gap is Dave Castillo, an AMA pro rider who won the Motocross 500.  For them to jump 75 feet and so close to each other, with Lance turning the bike 180 degrees, it’s just incredible.”
Production closed the 4th Street Bridge for the melee and mash-up between the Hummer and the bulky motorhome. “Dax wanted to do it practically so we drove a stock H1 Hummer straight through a stock RV at 45 miles an hour,” De Castro states.
Shepard attests, “It was crazy.  I’ve lived in L.A. for 20 years and I’ve driven across that bridge a thousand times, and to have it as a playground for two straight days to demolish motorhomes and crash motorcycles was pretty amazing.  There were many times when I thought, ‘I can’t believe we are allowed to do this.’  We owned a whole exit off the 210 Freeway to blow up a propane tank with helicopters circling and a fireball nine stories high. There are actual cops watching you peel out and do donuts and they’re giving you the thumbs up, which is not a side of law enforcement you usually get to see.”
Bike action being a huge component of the story, the filmmakers needed equipment to support it in style.  Shepard used a range of brands and models, some stock and some custom, including what he calls “a smattering of Harleys and the big BMW snowmobiles,” like the BMW RT1200 standard police models.  For D’Onofrio’s ride, he worked with Harley Davidson to design a custom Electra Glide that, Shepard says, “shoots six foot blue flames out the back and has titanium pegs that shower sparks.”  
Primarily the film featured one of the director’s personal favorites: Ducati, and in particular the Ducati Hypermotard, a versatile and durable model which became Jon and Ponch’s updated “hero” bikes.  “Every time we’re jumping, sliding, drifting, stoppie’ing or free endo’ing them, they were all stock Ducatis,” he says, in the parlance of the initiated.  Even on the beach, the Hypermotards served, with modified knobby tires in front and paddles in back, while retaining their signature look and sound.
De Castro comments, “Michael Peña had just started riding and he did a great job, and Vincent D’Onofrio hadn’t ridden a bike for maybe 20 years but he hopped right back on and we got the shots we needed.”  As for Dax, “He would have made an excellent stunt guy.  He’s a high-level rider on both street and dirt, so it was a great position for me to be in.  I could say, "Hey Dax, I need you to come in faster, I need you to come in hotter.  I'm gonna put the camera here and we're gonna counter with you,’ and still we know everyone would be safe and it would look amazing.”  
Even so, Shepard admits feeling humbled alongside the pro talent, including his double, Joe Dryden, a pioneer of the street bike freestyle.  “Before I started this movie I thought I was really great at riding motorcycles, I would have given myself a 9.  And now that I’ve seen some of the best riders in the world I feel a little weak,” he allows.
“There were a couple of times when Dax wanted to do a stunt but De Castro said, ‘No, you’re not doing that,’” adds Peña.  “That’s Steve’s job.  He makes it fun but safe.  But with a film like this, you really get psyched up to be part of the action.”
Stunt riders also took cameras directly into the fray not only with Pursuit vehicles, but with Covert Camera Bikes, electric motorcycles that can reach 100mph with cameras in front and back.  Perfect for tight situations and able to dolly as needed, they’re effective for bringing audiences into the moment.    
The stunt team worked closely with FX supervisor Anderson and production designer Ahmad, as sets were built and destroyed.  As the big chase segued into the confrontation on the bridge, Shepard gives kudos to “our special effects genius Larz for figuring out how to slide this massive 35-foot RV along the asphalt.  Larz designed a pneumatic cylinder to lift the back wheels.  It slides, then you flip a switch and it comes back up.”
Following the slide, Anderson picks up, “we switched it out for another motorhome that was pre-scored and loaded with a bunch of stuff, held together by nothing, so when it’s hit, it all goes flying.  Dax was great to work with.  He really knows what he wants and he’s open to other ideas that might embellish that—especially if it involves fire or explosions.”  Anderson had plenty of opportunity for that, including the challenge of safely igniting a propane truck alongside a hillside full of brush, for which he made a tank out of foam.  Later, as a truck slams into Ponch’s bike and drags it down the road, he created a literal trail of fire.  
Anderson’s handiwork also appears in one of the film’s major set pieces, a warehouse compound north of Los Angeles near a popular biking site of canyons and valleys known as The Devil’s Punchbowl.  It was the perfect setting for the final showdown involving a variety of vehicles, gunplay and hand-to-hand takedowns, all of which leads to a massive explosion.  
The filmmakers found a property of several acres of desert land, housing a private home, barn and outbuildings that would add peripherally to the set. Says production designer Ahmad, “It had everything we needed except the main building, the warehouse, so I found a spot Dax liked and we built the whole thing from scratch.  Given that the building was for the big finale and needed to be blown up, set on fire and driven through, it was a virtual certainty we would have to build it.  It was about 50 by 100 feet, 25 feet tall, with dozens of windows. We poured a concrete floor.  Then we dressed the inside with old cars and junk, and there was enough space outside to build the wall for the bikes to go over.”  
“Maher is brilliant,” Shepard proclaims.  “I’d show up to sets and they’d be five times better than I even dreamt when I was writing it.  If we had a fight scene, I’d ask, ‘What can I break in this room?’  And he’d say, “That’s breakable, that’s breakable, that chair, that desk, that table, that’s fake,’ and you’re like, ‘Oh my God, I can do anything in here.”
But for all the story’s high-octane action, one stunt audiences will not likely forget unfolds on a more intimate scale.  After a physically taxing day, Jon wakes up unable to move his wrecked body or reach his meds.  He needs a therapeutic soak and calls on a very reluctant Ponch for help getting into the tub.  
Ponch trips, catapulting his naked partner in the general vicinity of the bathtub.
“I had to get into pretty good shape for that, so I could do all my nude stuff on week one and then resume eating what I wanted for the rest of the shoot,” says Shepard with typical good humor.  “I had a harness and a cable, and I was on a ratchet, so, as soon as he lets go they hit the hammer and I just flew into the wall.  It also spun me, so I hit the wall and then went upside down into the tub, bare naked, in front of my crew that just met me two days before.”
“I remember a fair amount of laughter that day,” Peña confirms.  
The tub was made of rubber, as was the wall that absorbed Shepard’s impact. “The room had to be high enough for the stunt and FX guys to run a track up along the ceiling,” says Ahmad, who built the bedroom and bathroom comprising the guest house from an existing home’s dining and living rooms, with an eye toward allowing a straight line trajectory from the bed to the tub.
The designer modified numerous other practical locations, including the interior of a suburban home that gets trashed in a fight between Jon and Ponch and an officer who doesn’t appreciate their snooping.  But the set he had the most fun creating was the drug den.  
“It had to be filthy and disgusting,” he emphasizes. “The direction I got from Dax was that we couldn’t push it too far, and that’s what we did.  We laid down pre-grunge-ified linoleum to protect the existing wood floors.  Then we painted and did horrible things to the walls and brought awful furniture in, like stained mattresses.  The kitchen was all moldy and overgrown with loathsome stuff and rotten food, and we learned a lot about making kitty poop with modeling clay.  To accelerate its drying we put it into a microwave oven at the production office and one batch got away from us.  It set off the smoke detectors and we had to evacuate the building.  But it was the bathroom that just grossed everyone out.  It was completely sanitary and smelled fine but it looked awful.  I love it when a set elicits such an enthusiastic reaction from the crew.”
When Jon enters the house and is physically overcome by the stench, it’s a fair bet that members of the audience will be right there with him—their hands to their mouths.  
Another “CHIPS” location included the Cal Poly Pomona College’s south campus, for scenes set in the Police Academy locker room and gym.  The production also shot interiors and the parking lot of the active L.A. Central CHP Center, just south of downtown.
Finally, as a Valentine to locals, the production included a scene of Jon and Ponch at an Original Tommy’s burger stand—a Southern California institution—and not just any Tommy’s, but the one that started it all, at Rampart and Beverly Boulevards.  
Overall, Panay says, “Dax went for an authentic L.A. feel. This film was shot entirely on practical, Southern California locations.  We did build and augment some sets but we weren’t on soundstages and everything was right here, real and tangible.  Our location team found so many great spots to showcase the action and help make L.A. itself an essential part of the story.”
“What I like best about it is the old-school action, which we put together with a lot of love and I think consequently has a really good vibe,” says Shepard, “not to mention great explosions and amazing stunts, and a lot of comedy.  I hope every scene is as fun for audiences as it was for us, making it.”  
# # #
ABOUT THE CAST
DAX SHEPARD (Jon Baker / Director / Writer / Executive Producer) was born in 1975 in a suburb of Detroit, Michigan. With both parents working in the automotive industry, his first love was cars. He graduated in 1993 from Walled Lake High School, and moved to California in 1995.  Shepard graduated magna cum laude from UCLA with a degree in Anthropology. While attending UCLA, he trained at The Groundlings Theater for improv and sketch comedy. After eight years of auditioning, Dax booked “Punk’d,” his first paid acting role.
Shepard’s notable film credits include “Without a Paddle,” “Idiocracy,” “Employee of the Month,” “Baby Mama,” “The Freebie,” "The Judge” and "This Is Where I Leave You.”  He also portrayed Crosby Braverman for six seasons on the hit NBC series "Parenthood."
Prior to “CHIPS,” Shepard wrote, directed and starred in two features films: “Hit & Run” and “Brother’s Justice.”  
MICHAEL PEÑA (Ponch / Executive Producer) has distinguished himself in Hollywood as an actor with a wide range of performances and has worked with an impressive roster of award-winning directors. Peña earned notable recognition for his performance in Paul Haggis’ provocative Oscar-winning film “Crash,” alongside Don Cheadle, Matt Dillon and Terrence Howard.   He garnered multiple Best Ensemble nominations for his performance as Daniel the locksmith, winning awards from the Screen Actors Guild and the Broadcast Film Critics Association for the cast’s performance.  In 2013, he was seen in the David O. Russell film “American Hustle,” which won a Golden Globe, as well as ensemble awards from the Screen Actors Guild and the Broadcast Film Critics.  It was also nominated for a BAFTA Award and an Academy Award.  In 2015, he was seen in two films to cross the $500 million mark; the heist film “Ant Man,” starring opposite Paul Rudd and Michael Douglas, and “The Martian,” opposite Matt Damon and Jessica Chastain.  “The Martian” premiered at the Toronto Film Festival and went on to win a Golden Globe, was named Top Film by the National Board of Review, and was nominated for a 2016 Academy Award.
He was most recently seen in “Collateral Beauty,” starring Will Smith, Edward Norton and Kate Winslet, and “War on Everyone,” opposite Alexander Skarsgård, which premiered at the 2016 Berlin Film Festival.
He can next be seen in “Horse Soldiers,” alongside Chris Hemsworth and Michael Shannon, and “A Wrinkle in Time,” opposite Reese Witherspoon and Chris Pine. In addition, Peña will also lend his voice to the highly anticipated “The LEGO® NINJAGO® Movie,” and “My Little Pony: The Movie.”
In 2014, Peña starred as civil rights leader and labor organizer Cesar Chavez in “Cesar Chavez,” directed by Diego Luna.  He was also seen in the drama “Graceland,” and in David Ayer’s “Fury,” with Brad Pitt and Shia LaBouf.  In 2012, he was seen in the critically acclaimed “End of Watch,” which premiered at the Toronto Film Festival. For his performance as Officer Zavala, Peña was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award and the film was recognized by the National Board of Review as one of the Top 10 Independent Films of the year.  
Peña has been seen in a range of films, including the independent “Everything Must Go,” alongside Will Ferrell and Rebecca Hall; “Gangster Squad,” opposite Sean Penn, Josh Brolin and Ryan Gosling, and the animated feature “Turbo.”  His credits include “The Lucky Ones,” co-starring Rachel McAdams and Tim Robbins; Jody Hill’s comedy “Observe and Report,” with Seth Rogen; Robert Redford’s political drama “Lions for Lambs,” with Tom Cruise and Meryl Streep; and Werner Herzog and David Lynch’s psychological thriller “My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done,” with Michael Shannon, Willem Dafoe and Chloë Sevigny.
Peña’s other noteworthy credits consist of Oliver Stone’s “World Trade Center”; Clint Eastwood’s “Million Dollar Baby”; Matthew Ryan Hoge’s “The United States of Leland”; Gregor Jordan’s “Buffalo Soldiers”; Antoine Fuqua’s “Shooter”; Brett Ratner’s “Tower Heist”; and Alejandro González Iñárritu’s “Babel.”  
On television, Peña starred in the HBO film “Walkout,” based on the true story of a young Mexican-American high school teacher who helped stage a massive student walkout in the mid-1960s.  Peña received an Imagen Award for Best Actor for his performance.  He recently re-teamed with Danny McBride on the second season of HBO's “Eastbound and Down.”  He also appeared on the F/X drama “The Shield,” in its fourth season, as one of the central leads opposite Glenn Close and Anthony Anderson.  His other television credits include Steven Spielberg’s NBC series “Semper Fi.”
Raised in Chicago, Peña began acting when he beat out hundreds of others in an open call for a role in Peter Bogdanovich’s “To Sir, With Love 2,” starring Sidney Poitier.
ROSA SALAZAR (Ava Perez) was born in Washington, DC, and raised in Greenbelt, Maryland. Salazar’s upcoming film releases include “Maze Runner: The Death Cure” and “Alita: Battle Angel.”
Her past films include “Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials,” “The Divergent Series: Insurgent,” “Search Party” and “Night Owls,” amongst others.
ADAM BRODY (Clay Allen) is a dynamic young actor, who has crafted a distinguished career in film and television.
Brody recently starred in Crackle’s original drama series, “StartUp,” alongside Martin Freeman. He also starred alongside Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith in “Yoga Hosers,” directed by Kevin Smith. In addition, Brody wrapped production on the comedy “Big Bear,” opposite Pablo Schreiber, and will soon begin filming the thriller “The Wanting.”
Last year, Brody starred alongside Uzo Aduba and Maggie Grace in “Showing Roots,” a television movie set in 1977 about two women who try to integrate their small town amid rising racial tension. In addition, Brody was seen in “Sleeping with Other People” from producers Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, which starred Alison Brie and Jason Sudeikis. In 2014, Brody starred in “Growing Up and Other Lies,” directed by Darren Grodsky and Danny Jacobs.  He was also seen in “Life Partners,” starring Leighton Meester and Gillian Jacobs; and “Think Like A Man Too,” alongside Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union, Taraji P. Henson, Regina Hall and Meagan Good.  
His past film credits include “Revenge for Jolly!,” opposite Kristen Wiig, Elijah Wood, Oscar Isaac and Ryan Phillippe; David Talbert’s “Baggage Claim,” starring Paula Patton and Taye Diggs; “Some Girls,” adapted by Neil LaBute from his play of the same name; “Lovelace,” opposite Amanda Seyfried, Peter Sarsgaard and James Franco; “Welcome to the Jungle,” directed by Rob Meltzer; “Double or Nothing,” a short film penned by Neil LaBute; “Damsels in Distress,” by writer/director Whit Stillman, with Greta Gerwig and Analeigh Tipton; “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World”, alongside Steve Carell and Kiera Knightley; “The Oranges,” directed by Julian Farino from Ian Helfer and Jay Reiss’ screenplay also starring Hugh Laurie, Catherine Keener, Alia Shawkat, Leighton Meester, Oliver Platt and Allison Janney; Jon Kasdan’s “In the Land of Women,” opposite Meg Ryan and Kristen Stewart; Wes Craven’s “Scream 4;” Kevin Smith’s “Cop Out;” Galt Niederhoffer’s “The Romantics;” Karyn Kusama’s “Jennifer’s Body,” written by Diablo Cody; Boaz Yakin’s “Death in Love,” with Josh Lucas, Lukas Haas, and Jacqueline Bisset; Gregg Araki’s “Smiley Face,” with Anna Faris; David Wain’s “The Ten;” Jason Reitman’s “Thank You For Smoking;” Gore Verbinski’s smash “The Ring;” and Doug Liman’s blockbuster “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” alongside Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.
Brody memorably starred as Seth Cohen on the popular television series “The O.C.,” directed in the pilot episode by Doug Liman. He also starred as Billy Jones in Neil LaBute’s romantic comedy series “Billy and Billie,” about two step-siblings trying to deal with their taboo romance. His television work also includes recurring roles on “The League,” “House of Lies,” “Burning Love,” “Once and Again” and “Gilmore Girls”; and standout guest turns on “Judging Amy,” “Family Law,” and “Smallville.”  
VINCENT D’ONOFRIO (Ray Kurtz) can currently be seen taking on the complex role of The Wizard in NBC’s “Emerald City,” the reimagining of “The Wizard of Oz.”  The 10-episode mini-series was directed by Tarsem Singh, with whom D’Onofrio worked previously on the science fiction noir film “The Cell,” opposite Jennifer Lopez and Vince Vaughn. D’Onofrio also recently wrapped Eli Roth’s “Death Wish,” opposite Bruce Willis.
Last year, D’Onofrio starred in “The Magnificent Seven,” playing one of the seven gun slinging outlaws alongside Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt and Ethan Hawke; as well as “In Dubious Battle,” based on John Steinbeck’s novel, directed by James Franco and featuring Bryan Cranston, Ed Harris and Selena Gomez.
2015 was also a busy year for D’Onofrio with the blockbuster success of “Jurassic World” and his critically acclaimed role of Wilson Fisk aka Kingpin in the Netflix series “Daredevil,” opposite Charlie Cox. He also starred in “Run All Night,” opposite Liam Neeson.  In 2014, D’Onofrio starred in “The Judge,” opposite Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall.
D’Onofrio was born in Brooklyn, New York, and grew up in Hawaii, Colorado and Florida.  He eventually returned to New York to study acting at the American Stanislavsky Theatre with Sharon Chatten of the Actors Studio.  While honing his craft, he appeared in several films at New York University and worked as a bouncer at dance clubs in the city.
In 1984, he became a full-fledged member of the American Stanislavsky Theatre, appearing in “The Petrified Forest,” “Of Mice and Men,” “Sexual Perversity in Chicago” and “The Indian Wants the Bronx.”  That same year, he made his Broadway debut in “Open Admissions.”  He recently starred off-Broadway in Sam Shepard’s “Tooth of Crime (Second Dance).”
D’Onofrio gained attention for his intense and compelling talent on the screen in 1987 with a haunting portrayal of an unstable Vietnam War recruit in Stanley Kubrick’s gritty “Full Metal Jacket.”  His other early film appearances include “Mystic Pizza,” and “Adventures in Babysitting.”  He also executive produced and portrayed 1960s counterculture icon Abbie Hoffman in the film “Steal This Movie,” opposite Janeane Garofalo.
His other film credits include “The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys,” opposite Jodie Foster; “The Salton Sea,” opposite Val Kilmer; “Imposter,” with Gary Sinise; “Chelsea Walls,” directed by Ethan Hawke; “Happy Accidents,” co-starring Marisa Tomei; Robert Altman’s “The Player”;  Joel Schumacher’s “Dying Young”; Tim Burton’s “Ed Wood”; Kathryn Bigelow’s “Strange Days,” opposite Ralph Fiennes and Angela Bassett; Harold Ramis’ “Stuart Saves His Family”; Barry Sonnenfeld’s “Men In Black,” opposite Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones; “The Thirteenth Floor,” opposite Craig Bierko; “The Whole Wide World,” which he produced and starred in, opposite Renée Zellweger; and Oliver Stone’s “JFK.” More recently, D’Onofrio appeared in “Escape Plan,” featuring Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger.  
D’Onofrio starred as Detective Robert Goren in over 100 episodes of the series “Law & Order: Criminal Intent.” He received an Emmy Award nomination in 1998 for his riveting guest appearance in the “Homicide: Life on the Street” episode “The Subway.” D’Onofrio directed, produced and starred in the short film “Five Minutes, Mr. Welles,” and recently appeared in the Academy Award-winning short “The New Tenants.”
KRISTEN BELL (Karen) currently stars as Eleanor Shellstrop in the NBC series “The Good Place,” with Ted Danson, which returns for a second season this fall. She was also most recently seen in “Bad Moms,” alongside Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, Jada Pinkett Smith, Annie Mumolo and Christina Applegate. She will return for the sequel, “Bad Mom’s Christmas,” to be released this November. She will also appear in “How to Be a Latin Lover,” alongside Rob Lowe and Salma Hayek, set for release on April 28, 2017.
Bell starred as Anna in the blockbuster animated feature “Frozen,” which has grossed more than $1.2 billion worldwide, making it the highest grossing animated film and the 9th highest grossing film of all time. Last year, she starred opposite Melissa McCarthy in Ben Falcone’s comedy “The Boss,” and was seen as Jeannie Van Der Hooven in the Showtime series “House of Lies,” opposite Don Cheadle, which wrapped its fifth and final season.  In 2014, she reprised her beloved title role in the film adaptation of “Veronica Mars," which raised $2 million on Kickstarter in less than eleven hours and broke the record at the time for the fastest project to reach $1 million and $2 million. Bell appeared in a guest-starring arc on NBC’s hit series “Parks & Recreation.” She also played the lead role in the independent film “The Lifeguard,” which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, as well as starring in and co-producing the comedy “Hit & Run,” written and directed by her husband, Dax Shepard.
Her other film credits include: “Movie 43,” “Some Girls,” “Writers,”  “Big Miracle,” “You Again,” “Burlesque,” “When in Rome,” “Couples Retreat,” “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” “Pulse,”  “Serious Moonlight” and David Mamet’s “Spartan.” Bell’s television credits include: “Veronica Mars,” “Unsupervised,” “Deadwood,” “Heroes” and “Party Down.”
Her Broadway credits include “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer” and “The Crucible,” opposite Liam Neeson and Laura Linney.  Her Off-Broadway credits include “Reefer Madness” and “A Little Night Music.”
JESSICA MCNAMEE (Lindsey Taylor) has become one of Hollywood’s most sought after and engaging talents. Since beginning her career in acting, she has fostered an impressive body of work that includes both film and television.
She will next be seen in the film “Battle of The Sexes,” opposite silver screen heavyweights Emma Stone and Steve Carell.  The film is slated to open this year.
McNamee recently wrapped production on director Jon Turteltaub’s film “Meg.” She will star opposite Jason Statham in the action packed sci-fi film, which is currently slated for a March 2018 release.
Additionally, McNamee was previously seen as the female lead on USA’s comedy series “Sirens,” starring opposite Michael Mosley and Kevin Bigley. Prior to that, she starred alongside Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum in Michael Sucsy’s “The Vow.” She made her feature film debut in Sean Byrne’s “The Loved Ones,” opposite Xavier Samuel. The film premiered at the 2009 Toronto Film Festival and received the Midnight Madness Cadillac People’s Choice Award. The film also screened as part of the Freak Me Out Pathway at the Sydney Film Festival.
McNamee is best known for her role as Sammy Rafter in the Australian television series “Packed to the Rafters.” In total, the television series has gained 31 Australian award nominations and taken home 13 wins.
ABOUT THE FILMMAKERS
DAX SHEPARD (Writer/Director/Executive Producer) – SEE CAST SECTION
ANDREW PANAY (Producer) – has an entertainment career which has spanned 20 years and his films have earned over $750 million in worldwide box office.  He has built a reputation as a premier feature film producer with an incredible talent for creating original ideas as well as cultivating strong talent relationships.  
Panay created and produced David Dobkin’s 2005 smash hit “Wedding Crashers,” starring Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Christopher Walken and Bradley Cooper.  The film was the highest grossing R‐rated comedy at the time.
In February of 2015, Panay produced “Hot Tub Time Machine 2,” the sequel to the hilarious 2010 hit “Hot Tub Time Machine.” Panay joined director Steve Pink in bringing an all-star cast to the screen, including Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clarke Duke, Adam Scott and Chevy Chase.  
While working at Relativity Media, Panay released the successful family adventure film “Earth to Echo,” based on an original story by Panay and Henry Gayden, written by Gayden and directed by Dave Green, involving a group of kids who follow a mysterious map on their phones, only to discover a tiny creature from another world.
Panay began his career as an executive,  developing the highly successful teen romantic comedy “She’s All That,” starring Rachel Leigh Cook and Freddie Prinze Jr., and the inspiring drama “Pay It Forward,” starring Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt and Haley Joel Osment, based on the bestselling novel of the same name by Catherine Ryan Hyde.
Panay co-produced the beloved romantic comedy “Serendipity,” starring John Cusack, Kate Beckinsale, Jeremy Piven and Bridget   Moynahan. Additionally, Panay created and produced the successful teen campus comedy “Van Wilder,” starring Ryan Reynolds and Tara Reid.
RAVI MEHTA (Executive Producer) is an Executive Vice President of Physical Production for Warner Bros. Pictures. He was the executive in charge of films such as “American Sniper,” “Live by Night,” “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” and “The Accountant.” He is currently producing “A Star is Born,” starring Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.
He most recently served as a producer on “Unforgettable,” starring Rosario Dawson and Katherine Heigl, opening April 21st, and “Grudge Match,” starring Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone.  He also was an executive producer on “Get Hard” and “The Lucky One.”  Mehta began his career at Warner Bros. as a production accountant on films such as “Training Day” and “Romeo Must Die.”
ROBERT J. DOHRMANN (Executive Producer) began his career in the ‘90s in live TV, reality TV, commercial and documentary production.  He established commercial house Mad Molly Productions in 1996, recognized with Clio and Cine Lion awards and nominations for several public service announcement campaigns.  
In the early 2000s, Dohrmann pivoted to feature production, first as a production coordinator and then production supervisor, on such successful projects as “Man On Fire” and “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” as well as the multiple award winners “Little Miss Sunshine” and “Thank You For Smoking.”  
Dohrmann made the jump to line producing in 2007 for the critically acclaimed “Sunshine Cleaning,” and has produced and/or managed features ever since, including creative and popular hit projects “10 Cloverfield Lane,” “Get Hard,” “2 Guns,” “Lovelace,” “The Lucky One” and “Jeff Who Lives At Home.”  Bob lives in Los Angeles with his wife Kathleen and their two wonderful children. Dohrmann is a southern California native and UCLA alumnus.
NATE TUCK (Executive Producer) is a producer who has built his career in feature films, branded content, commercials and music videos.  His films have been nominated and have won awards, including two nominations at the 2012 Independent Spirit Awards for “The Dynamiter.”
The path to “CHIPS” started over a decade ago while Tuck and his long-time best friend Dax Shepard were shooting short films for the sole purpose of making each other laugh.  In 2010, they released their experimental comedy with Tribeca Films, “Brother’s Justice,” which won the Comedy Vanguard Award at the Austin Film Festival.  
Based on the film’s success, Tuck and Shepard, with producer Andrew Panay, went on to create and produce the action-romantic-comedy “Hit & Run.” Released in 2012, the film starred Shepard, Kristen Bell, Bradley Cooper and Tom Arnold.
Dating back to his first independent film, “Hairshirt,” which sold to Lionsgate in 2001, Tuck has built his reputation in development, writing, production, financing and distribution as the go-to guy to get it done.
RICK ROSNER (Executive Producer) is the creator and executive producer of a wide-range of projects, including “CHiPs,” the television series that inspired the film.
His other credits as a creator, executive producer and producer include the TV series “240-Robert!” and “Lottery!” as well as the game shows “Just Men!” with Betty White; “Caesar’s Challenge”; “Personals”; “Phone Tag!”; and the iconic “Hollywood Squares.” He was also the creator of “The Paul Lynde Show.”
In addition, Rosner served as producer on such talk shows as “Steve Allen,” “Dave Garroway,” “Philbin’s People,” “The Della Reese Show,” and a producer of “The Mike Douglas Show.”
He was the executive producer of the Emmy-nominated “Warner Bros. Movies – a 50 Year Salute” and the executive producer/ writer of the TV movies: “Panic In The Skies!” “Sky Heist!” and the TNT reunion movie, “CHiPS ’99.”
Rosner served as Vice President of Variety Programs at NBC in the mid 70s and in a partnership with DIRECTV, Rosner also invented the CES Award winning portable satellite system SAT-GO!, which made the front page of the New York Times business section in 2007.
Since 1971, Rosner has been a Deputy in the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department.
MICHAEL PEÑA (Executive Producer) SEE CAST SECTION
MITCHELL AMUNDSEN (Director of Photography) most recently was the cinematographer on “Ride Along 2,” starring Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. His previous films as cinematographer include “Now You See Me,” “Red Dawn,” and “Premium Rush.”
Amundsen’s early credits include being a production assistant for Michael Apted on “First Born” and technician on Francis Ford Coppola’s “Rumble Fish” and “The Outsiders.” He worked assistant camera on Joel Coen’s “Raising Arizona” and was a focus puller on “the Glass Menagerie,” directed by Paul Newman, and  Michael Lehman’s “Heathers” and “Meet the Applegates.”  
He then became a camera operator, working on such films as Wolfgang Petersen’s “In the Line of Fire”; John Singleton’s Higher Learning,”; Nick Castle’s “Major Payne” and “Mr. Wrong”; Betty Thomas’ “Private Parts”; Richard Donner’s “Conspiracy Theory”; Ron Howard’s “Edtv”; Barry Sonnenfeld’s “Wild Wild West”; Billy Bob Thornton’s “All the Pretty Horses”; and Michael Bay’s “Armageddon.”
He subsequently rose to second unit director for Bay’s  “Pearl Harbor,” “Bad Boys II,” and “The Island”; Gore Verbinski’s “Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl”; Frank Marshall’s “Eight Below”; Gary Ross’ “Seabiscuit”; Paul Greengrass’ “The Bourne Supremacy”;  J.J. Abrams’ “Mission Impossible III”; and Brad Bird’s “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol.”
MAHER AHMAD (Production Designer) was born in northeastern Pennsylvania and while in high school worked on stage crews for the local community theater, designing his first stage setting when he was 16.
He attended Northwestern University where he graduated with honors, and went on to receive a Master of Fine Arts in theater scene and lighting design from the same university. After teaching theater design in college for two years, Ahmad then worked as a professional theater set and lighting designer in the first wave of the what is termed “the Chicago theater renaissance,” designing well over 100 theater projects for Chicago theaters including the St. Nicholas, Organic, Victory Gardens, Goodman and many others.  His designs were nominated six times for Chicago’s Joseph Jefferson Award.
Ahmad credits his early theater design experiences and training as contributing greatly to the craft and skills he possesses now. He was hired one day by happenstance to be the local art director in a film that was shooting in Chicago, and from then on worked exclusively in film. He has over 80 film projects to his credit.
Ahmad moved from Chicago to New York and worked there on many features including “GoodFellas” and “Married to the Mob.” Among his many film credits are the period film “Gangster Squad,” with Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Josh Brolin, and Sean Penn; “The Hangover 3”; “Zombieland”; “The Guardian”; “Miss Congeniality 2”; ”Dodgeball”; “Holes”; “Get Hard” and “US Marshals.”  
On occasion, Ahmad lectures about design to film schools, and is a bibliophile with a collection of well over 20,000 books on art, architecture, film, design, technology, and other related subjects.
DAN LEBENTAL (Editor) has edited a wide variety of film and television projects.  He has worked with director Jon Favreau as the editor on the hit comedy “Elf,” “Zathura: A Space Adventure,” “Cowboys & Aliens” and the blockbuster hits “Iron Man” and “Iron Man 2.”
Lebental edited Peyton Reed’s films “Ant-Man” and “The Break-Up” as well as Albert and Allen Hughes’ “From Hell” and “Dead Presidents.”
His other film editing credits include “Thor: The Dark World,” “Couples Retreat” and the Chicago International Film Festival-nominated documentary “Art of Conflict.”
Lebantal worked with director Peter Berg on the 1998 comedy “Very Bad Things,” and then went on to work with him on the pilot for the 2000 television series, “Wonderland.” Lebental has worked as an editor on the pilots for such television shows as “Dinner for Five,” “In Case of Emergency,” “Revolution” and “About a Boy.”
DIANE CROOKE (Costume Designer) is a costume designer based in Los Angeles with extensive experience designing for film, television, print, and web.
Crooke’s career took off when she got the job as costume supervisor for the first three seasons of the hit NBC series “Friends.” From there, Crooke went on to supervise several projects, including six seasons on NBC’s “Crossing Jordan.” As a designer, Crooke spent five seasons designing NBC’s “Parenthood” before designing “Scream” for MTV.
Recently, Crooke has jumped into the feature world, and her work can also be seen in the upcoming film “All Star Weekend.”  
FIL EISLER (Composer) composes music that faithfully embodies both story and character. Known for his signature themes and creative execution, his work can be heard in a diverse range of films, including the 2016 hit comedy “How To Be Single,” starring Dakota Johnson and Rebel Wilson and the upcoming sci-fi/thriller feature “The Titan,” starring Sam Worthington and Taylor Schilling.
In addition, Eisler served as the primary composer for Sundance 2016’s poignant documentary, “Newtown.” He composed the main title theme and acted as music director for the documentary, organizing and leading an all-star line-up of over a dozen Hollywood composers who each donated a piece of music for the film. He was represented at this year’s Sundance Film Festival with Marti Noxon’s “To The Bone,” starring Lily Collins.
Eisler’s scores also continue to enliven the drama in some of TV’s most popular series.  Most notably, he composes for Fox’s hit drama series “Empire.” Other shows featuring Eisler’s music include Showtime's Emmy-winning “Shameless,” as well as Lifetime’s critically lauded series “UnREAL.” For four seasons, Eisler served as composer and conductor on the ABC drama “Revenge.”
In 2008, Eisler was among a select group of up-and-coming composers invited to the Sundance Film Composer's Lab, and in the years since, his projects have garnered critical acclaim on the film festival circuit and beyond. As part of his ongoing commitment to independent film, he returned to Sundance in 2011 with the Inupiaq-themed thriller “On the Ice,” scored the Sundance-backed documentary “Whatever It Takes” and Jonathan van Tulleken's BAFTA nominated thriller “Off Season.” Eisler won the Best Film Score Award for his work on Robbie Pickering's “Natural Selection” at the 2011 SXSW Film Festival. The film was the most decorated of the festival, also winning the Grand Jury and Audience Awards. He continued his work with Pickering on the 2015 Sony feature “Freaks of Nature.”
youtube
0 notes
Text
9 celebrities that have mastered the art of trolling
Tumblr media
It's Troll Week on Mashable. Join us as we explore the good, the bad, and the ugly of internet trolling.
Here's something you might not realize: Celebrities are some of the best trolls on the internet.
Just think about it. They're online constantly, they have millions of people praising and criticizing them daily, and most of them won't suffer fools. Whether they're clapping back at insults, or slinging their own, they're A-list trolls.
SEE ALSO: Ken M and the lost art of 'do no harm' trolling
You don't even have to be a fan of most mega-famous celebrities in order to appreciate their sharp responses and quick-witted lampoons online. For example, I've never listened to a full Cher album — I know, I'm sorry — but her Twitter game has turned me into one of her biggest fans.
If you can appreciate a good troll, here are nine expert celebrity experts you need to follow:
1. Rihanna 
Rihanna doesn't have time for anyone's bullshit. Not now, not ever. And that's precisely what her online presence conveys.
Earlier this month, she jokingly shared an Instagram meme to lightly roast her fans who keep asking for new music. 
View this post on Instagram
i feel attacked. ***valley girl who’s never been attacked voice*** R9 chronicles.
A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Oct 4, 2018 at 6:00am PDT
But Rihanna has been coming for her haters for a long time —  like Piers Morgan, her exes, and just about everyone else. Not to worry though, Riri can handle herself just fine.
“@piersmorgan: ps I think @Rihanna needs to grow her hair back. Fast.” grow a dick..... FAST!!!!
— Rihanna (@rihanna) September 9, 2012
View this post on Instagram
#🏆
A post shared by badgalriri (@badgalriri) on Oct 8, 2016 at 7:29pm PDT
2. Chris Evans
Leave it to Captain America to take an active stance against President Donald Trump.
If you follow Chris Evans, then you know he can't resist taking a shot at Trump whenever he does something particularly despicable, like when he insulted Dr. Christine Blasey Ford after her powerful testimony, discussed Russia's involvement in the American election, or after his press conference following the deadly Charlottesville protest in 2017. 
Evans' ongoing political trolls definitely make him one of the best Chrises. Or, the worst. I honestly can't tell at this point.
Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me with this? What is the purpose of this? Was there no other vitriol you could spew to rile up your base and deepen this country’s divide? You used THIS?? Do you even understand the message you’re sending? Where is your sense of human decency? https://t.co/SdEh7fFLtL
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) October 3, 2018
It’s ‘counsel’, Biff. The word is ‘counsel’. I was trying to comprehend how in the world a man, even as moronic as you, can misspell a word he probably reads fifty times a day. But then it dawned on me, you probably only HEAR the word. You don’t read shit. And we all know it. https://t.co/7zZGZRZtkF
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 20, 2018
Is anyone else watching this?!? Wow...it's like watching a train wreck!! 'Before I make a statement I need the facts'?! Since when??
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) August 15, 2017
3. Billy Eichner
He began as a major troll on the streets of New York City, but comedian Billy Eichner now takes to Twitter to air his grievances, most of which happen to be political these days.
Maybe you remember when he tweeted this message to help distract many of us from reality?
Choosing to believe that the fireworks over the Capitol today were for the Will & Grace reboot.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) January 20, 2017
Or, perhaps you're more familiar with one of his more recent tweets slamming Senator Susan Collins.
Susan Collins about to bring out Louis CK for a quick set
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) October 5, 2018
Regardless, Eichner's roasts and digs will always be hilarious.
Can I play Lindsay Graham in the movie? I’m very good at shouting random nonsense.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) September 27, 2018
4. Ryan Reynolds
I probably don't need to tell you that Ryan Reynolds is amazing when it comes to trolling people online, so let's just take this moment to appreciate his greatest online hits.
Including that time he wished his wife Blake Lively a very happy birthday.
View this post on Instagram
Happy Birthday to my amazing wife.
A post shared by Ryan Reynolds (@vancityreynolds) on Aug 25, 2017 at 8:20pm PDT
Or, when he wished someone else's wife a happy anniversary.
Angela. 11 years went by like a lemonade daydream. Words are too clumsy to express what your love means to Jason—which is probably why he had me say it for him. https://t.co/85OuBIC6Zy
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 18, 2018
But his best trolling work is done when he comes for the thing he loves the most: his children.
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
5. Lili Reinhart
Lili Reinhart, has made herself extremely vulnerable online, opening up about issues with break outs, anxiety, and relationships. Naturally, she's become a target for harsh online criticisms, but she has taken to responding to even the rudest comments with brilliant humor.
When people questioned what happens in Reinhart's relationship in September, she kindly cleared a few things up.
No no... I tell him to touch me ~everywhere~ and then we eat Chinese food. Get your facts straight, Emily. https://t.co/DNd8oBegMA
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) September 19, 2018
The actress also wasn't afraid to clap back at a now-deleted tweet criticizing her weight a year ago. Time goes on, but Reinhart's wit prevails.
Thank you so much for being concerned about my weight, I'll respond later after I finish my double cheeseburger 😘 https://t.co/5FVhso3VOl
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) May 3, 2017
6. Chrissy Teigen
Pretty much everything model, cookbook writer, and social media maven Chrissy Teigen says online is funny. But Teigen is by far her most hilarious self when she's clapping back at her haters.
Like, that time she criticized Trump, and was told she doesn't live in the "real world."
Yeah I am watching from a fucking throne in space. https://t.co/FVUlhHijFf
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 28, 2017
Or, when she pretended she didn't know where her baby was.
i dunno i can't find her https://t.co/fEj8rFHEMI
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) April 24, 2016
And, when she pointed out the hypocrisy of a person following her if they're not really a fan.
You have three (3) followers and follow me. https://t.co/N9n3UO2GhI
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 27, 2017
7. Zendaya
If there's one person unwilling to sit back and take criticism, it's Zendaya. The actress has been calling out people on Twitter for years now, and has become known for her smart responses online.
She eloquently called out former E! News host Giuliana Rancic for making a racist comment about her hair in 2015.
pic.twitter.com/q0fOYrv3gc
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) February 24, 2015
Now, the actress mainly serves sarcastic comments to her followers, and has directed most of her energy online into urging people to vote. A more than worthy use of her massive platform.
I’m hilarious. Fact. https://t.co/rhh3eCfiXu
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) September 4, 2018
Mind your business lol https://t.co/4DvzROZvrl
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) October 2, 2018
Have you registered to vote? If not, do that shit!
— Zendaya (@Zendaya) October 7, 2018
8. Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell
There are tons of celebrity couples that love to troll each other online, but none do so as expertly as Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell.
Bell complains about Shepard's...unique home decorating ideas.
View this post on Instagram
This is not a bit. @daxshepard has sincerely suggested the new home for the lazy boy from his office be in the center of my living room. He made an adorable argument about how epic his TV viewing experience will be if I let him keep it there. The man has lost his mind. #chiphappens
A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell) on Feb 22, 2017 at 3:24pm PST
Shepard jokingly tweets about leaving Bell for a booze guzzling motorcycle-queen.
So sorry @IMKristenBell, never thought this would happen, but I've met someone else. pic.twitter.com/rtujobtUs6
— dax shepard (@daxshepard) June 14, 2016
But, even better than when they're trolling each other is when they're coming after people who criticize their relationship. For instance, when Shepard blasted Star for attempting to write a story about the possible decline of their marriage.
View this post on Instagram
The only offensive thing about this bullshit story is that @kristenanniebell isn't doing all this kinkiness out of horniness, but rather a desperate attempt to save her marriage. I think we all know Bell is a lot more gangster than that. I'll now give you until 4PM to comment, Star.
A post shared by Dax Shepard (@daxshepard) on Oct 10, 2018 at 3:01pm PDT
Bell later took to Instagram to comment, saying that she'd love to comment, but "its hard to talk with this ball gag in!" Classic.
9. Cher
Cher is the absolute master when it comes to singing and acting, but perhaps her greatest gift is her ability roast and toast everyone with the greatest of ease.
The singer and actress routinely criticizes Trump, but beyond political outrage Cher is willing and waiting to take on anyone who dares question her. 
Please just take a look at the cornucopia of delicious trolls that Cher has given us:
little Bo Peep She Lost Her Sheep, & Doesnt Know Where 2 Find Them. Little Bro Trump Has Doubled his Rump,& Doesn’t know where 2 Hide it
— Cher (@cher) April 20, 2017
I got a colonic.RT @lolyabitch @cher how did you celebrate Madonna's birthday?
— Cher (@cher) August 21, 2012
IM NOT YELLING… IM CHER👻
— Cher (@cher) June 22, 2016
ipad freezing up! Maybe it’s overwhelmed,because it Just realized A Fabulous DIVA Was touching it ! Can’t really Blame it, “SNAP OUT OF IT”
— Cher (@cher) March 7, 2013
Truly a delightful thing to behold.
WATCH: Actually, Banksy meant to shred the whole painting. Now it's likely worth much more.
Tumblr media
0 notes
ris-kan · 7 years ago
Text
No One Can Know
Chapter Four
When Saturday rolls around I remember that I'm supposed to hang out with Mitch. I guess I should bring Connor too. Maybe I can ask him if we can go without Kat!
Me: Hey Connor, doing anything tomorrow?
❤️Connor❤️: nope, wanna hang?
Me: yah, maybe without Kat?
❤️Connor❤️: Sure, it's been a while since we've been able to hang out alone
    I immediately feel a longing for time with just us two. To just hang out and talk about stuff. Ever since he got together with Kat, we haven't hung out much alone. I think of telling Mitch that I have family things, but figure I can just ask Connor again some other time.
Me: There's some kid down the street who just moved it. He seems cool and I told him he could hang with some of my friends b4 Monday
    ❤️Connor❤️: Yah, movies?
    Once again, I wish I hadn't told him Mitch exists. I really want to be alone in the dark of a theater with him, even if nothing happens. But too late, now Mitch is coming too. And with Connor being as irresistible as he is, Mitch will probably fall for him too.
Me: movies sound great! C u with Mitch at 2?
    ❤️Connor❤️: Mitch is the other kid?
    Me: Yep
    ❤️Connor❤️: 👌 C u guys then
     I really hope Mitch has a boyfriend or doesn't find Connor as adorable as I do. It's hard enough being a boy liking a boy, I don't need another boy liking him too. I figure I should text Mitch too to tell him our plans.
Me: Hey Mitch, it's Ray. My friend Connor and I were thinking movies tmr at 2. Is that ok?
    Mitch: Hey Ray! That sounds good! Just 3 people?
    Me: yep, his GF really sucks so she's not coming and the rest of our friends r busy.
    Mitch: k, that's fine by me! C u tmr then!
    Me: c u tmr
    Not knowing what else to do with the day, I decided to take my dog out for a walk through the woods. My mom is still sleeping, plus the dog he loves chasing squirrels.
    "Dax!" I whistle, and my huge German Shepard comes running up to my room. "Hi, buddy! Let's go run around, ok?" I go downstairs with him on my heels. I grab his leash, but he's already trying to open the door, so I just slip it into my pocket. I take a bag of treats and open the door as he goes sprinting out. We start to walk through the woods, me just following him as he barks at every sign of movement. Then, he suddenly takes off into the trees, barking super loudly.
    "Dax?! Where are you going?!" I yell after him while running in his direction. I see him run up to someone and I sprint towards him. "Daxon! What are you doing!" Then I see the person is Mitch, and I blush because since my huge dog just trampled him. "Oh, sorry..." I say. "Dax, if you keep doing that I'm going to put your leash on!" But he's not listening, he's more intrigued by the leaves on the ground.
    "Haha, it's fine. We used to have a Great Dane, so I'm used to big dogs." He scratches Dax's ears, and Dax licks his face. It makes Mitch giggle, which makes me smile. "Oh, by the way, you know how to get back from here, right?"
    "Oh my gosh, are you lost," I tease and he blushes. "Haha, yeah I can get us back." He smiles and starts to climb a tree. I'm about to follow him up when I remember Dax. "Dax!" He looks over at me. "Stay here, ok?" He sits on the ground and pushes around the leaves. I climb up the tree, much less gracefully than Mitch did. He laughs when I slide back down and watching watches me while I try to get back up to him.
    "How long have you lived here?" He asks.
    "6 years. I don't usually climb trees, that's why that was so bad." He helps to pull me up onto the branch he's sitting on, and we watch Dax bark at everything. I feel the silence building tension, so I decide to pull a trick on him. "Catch!" I yell as I let myself fall off the branch. Mitch screams and looks horrified, and I watch Dax run under me just before I hit the ground. I land on his back like I'm riding a horse, and give him a treat.
    "Oh my god dude, don't ever do that again!" Mitch yells down to me.
    "Wanna try?" I ask him. He looks over at Dax who's happily eating his treat and shakes his head.
    "I'll just climb down," he tells me as he makes his way to the ground. "Hey, want to race?" He looks eager, so I agree. "Here to the tree down there." He points to a big tree in the distance and Dax runs towards it. It makes him laugh at my silly dog. "Loser gets to buy the winner lunch!"
    "You're on! Ready, set, go!" We take off towards the tree. Even though we both are extremely determined to win, we smile goofily at each other the whole time. My shirt flies up as I run, but I don't bother to pull it back down like I would with Connor. I see Mitch look over at me, and he trips over a pine cone and falls. I slow down to help him, and he stands up like he's hurt. I start towards him and then he sprints off with a lead over me.
"Tricked you!" He taunts with a smile on his face. He gets to the tree just half a second before I do, both of us panting. "Hah, you owe me lunch!"
"Not fair! You cheated!" He bites his bottom lip, and it makes him look totally adorable.
"No one made a rule against that!" He smirks at me and it sends jitters through my body. I roll my eyes with a smile on my face.
    His calmness makes me feel like I could tell him. He's gay too so he would understand. Then I remember what happened last time. Plus, I just met this kid a few days ago! How could I trust him with my biggest secret?
    "What are you thinking about?" He asks. I realize I've been staring into space for a little too long...
    "Umm, nothing! Why would you think I'm thinking about anything?!" I answer quickly.
    "Sure. Tell me if you want to talk, ok?" He says this like he knows.
    "What would I talk about? There's nothing to talk about!" I feel like running off and hiding, but I remember Mitch doesn't know the way back.
    "Dude, I know you're gay." I get panicked when he says this. How could he know?! Is it that obvious?
    "What?"
    "I'm not going to judge you, it's ok. And I won't tell anyone, I swear. You can deny it all you want but..."
    "Umm, I've got to get going. I just remembered I have to do, umm, stuff." I start to run off with Dax following, thinking he can find his way out, or use a GPS or something.
    "Wait, Ray! Don't go! It's ok! I swear, it won't change anything!" He starts to run after me, and I run faster, wiping tears from my eyes before they form. But he's faster than I am and catches up to me soon he catches up to me. He puts his hand on my shoulder and turns me around. I look down and avoid eye contact so he won't see my tearing eyes.
    "Ray, it's ok. I'm here for you, man. Plus, you're my only way out of these woods." I twist out of his grasp and walk out slowly. He doesn't say anything for most of the way back, but when my teary eyes turn more into slow sobs he takes my hand and squeezes it. I don't pull away but I it makes me cry harder, so he stops and sits me down. As my eyes become waterfalls he puts his arms around me and lets me cry into his shoulder. We sit there until I start to calm down, and with Dax in my lap and Mitch by my side, I felt safer and more at home than I have since Dad left. Safer than I have in 6 years. And maybe safer than I will ever feel again.
0 notes