#me posting this at night knowing i will get zero traction on it

[coffeeisfortheresponsible]

@juniperjellyfish

obligatory addition of ronin bc i can

i actually really like dareth and ronin together,, idk it's funny to me

dareth is kind of annoying in some seasons but overall i don't hate him i'm just not a big fan of purely comedic relief characters!

[usomads]

Finisher // Roman Reigns x Reader (Pin Me Pt. 2)

Author’s Note -> Hiiii everyone! So many of you requested a part two to Pin Me, which again thank you so much for all the love on the first part. I honestly didn’t think of making it multiple parts when I first wrote this, but here we are and here it is lol! Happy reading!

Plot -> After pinning the Smackdown Women’s Champion in your mixed tag-team match with Roman Reigns, you gained popularity and with that your first singles title opportunity. You’ve never been more nervous for anything in your life, so your Tribal Chief helps ease your nerves before your match…

Pairings -> Roman Reigns x Fem!Reader (Y/N)

Warnings -> Cursing, Oral Sex (Fem!Receiving), Fingering, Gagging, Implied Smut, Not Proofread, MDNI

Word Count -> 3.0k

(time skip to the first Smackdown episode after Saturday Night’s Main Event)

“I’ve been your Smackdown Women’s Champion for nearly five months now, and since becoming your champion I have proved that I am the irresistible force and nobody can take this title from me. Not Bayley, not Naomi, not Tiffany, and esp-” Nia’s promo was cut short by your entrance music hitting, the crowd rising to their feet and popping loudly for your theme. Since pinning Nia at Saturday Night’s Main Event, you had taken the WWE Universe by storm; your social media following went up, more and more people were recognizing you in public, you had gotten exactly the recognition you wanted all along- and it was all thanks to Roman Reigns.

Since last Saturday and your “celebration” post-match, you’ve grown closer to Joe. You were getting to know each other better, spending more time together, and what you initially thought was a one-time thing in the heat of the moment was clearly not. Joe got his hands on you every chance he could, it didn’t matter where or when, if he wanted you he was going to have you. And who were you to turn down your Tribal Chief? 

Now, you two hadn’t defined your “relationship” just yet but you both were perfectly fine with the way things were at the moment- taking things slow and really getting to know each other (among other things) before making anything official. You were doing pretty well for yourself; you were gaining more traction than before and you had a fine ass man to go home to- you had zero complaints with how your life and career were going at the moment.

You emerged from backstage, microphone in hand, as the crowd roared at your entrance. You signaled for production to cut your music, walking confidently to the ring as you spoke. “Now, Nia, I know damn well you didn’t come in the ring to talk all this mess about ‘no one can beat me’ after last week… did you hit your head too hard during our match or something because I,” you paused, signaling to the crowd filling the arena, “as well as the entire WWE universe remember very clearly that I pinned you last week at Main Event.” The crowd cheered in response, boosting your already high confidence as you smirked at Nia. “If you’re soooo confident you can beat me one-on-one, then do it. Put your title on the line next week and let’s see how much of a ‘force’ you really are.”

“Oh, Y/N…” Nia mocked you, “it’s so adorable that you think you’re a threat to me and my title. That win you got last week, pinning me? Was pure luck.” Nia stepped to you, with little distance between you too as she glared down at you, “But unlike you, at least I don’t have to sleep with anyone to get my main event spots, I work hard for what I have. Do that first, then come talk to me.” That wasn’t in the fucking script, is she serious right now? Oh, if she wants to improv, best believe I can too. You swung without thinking twice, using the microphone in your hand to hit her on the side of the head. It was time for a fight. 

You and Nia took turns trying to go at each other, both of you countering the other until she blindsided you out of nowhere with a hit that made you see double for a second. You knew you were done after that, feeling blood trickle from a cut on your head created by her. She continued to attack you while you were down, the crowd booing with every hit she delivered. After your body had slumped in the center of the ring she grabbed you by your hair and pulled you up, showing your beaten and bloody face to the crowd and cameras. “This isn’t fantasy, Y/N, stop playing pretend with Roman and go back to catering where you fucking belong.” She threw your head back onto the mat and exited the ring as security and medical personnel rushed to the ring. You dragged your fatigued body out of the ring and backstage, refusing treatment from medical despite their protests. You walked into the locker room Joe and you now shared, while Joe was screaming at someone on the phone.

“Nick, are you fucking kidding me? There’s gotta be some form of punish- I don’t give a shit what the higher ups thought about it, she could’ve seriously injured Y/N, I-,” Joe paused, turning around and seeing you enter the locker room, “I gotta go. This conversation isn’t over.” Joe hung up on the GM and rushed over to you. “Baby, are you okay? Did she hurt you? Have you gotten looked at by-”

“No, Joe, and I’m not going to. Just please, drop it. I’m over it.”

“Well, I’m not. Why the fuck would she even say something like that? How would she have known about us?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know, Joe! Now leave it alone, seriously, I’m not in the goddamn mood.” You went silent, thinking about what you were going to do about Nia. You needed to do something different, something she would never see coming. Your priorities shifted completely after that segment, you now no longer wanted just the title. Your biggest priority, maybe even more than wanting the belt, was to beat the shit outta Nia Jax, no matter what it took.

“Babe, c’mon, you need to sit down. You’re gonna stress yourself into a heart attack if you don’t quit pacing around the room like that,” Joe was currently attempting to calm you down, you had been completely fine this past week you were training and promoting the match, but now that the show had officially started your overwhelming amount of confidence had completely vanished.

“Easy for you to say, title matches are second nature to you. Muscle memory. I  have never competed for a title before, I have every right to be freaking the fuck out right now, Joe,” you sighed. “It feels like everything just did a 180 degree turn, like I have so many eyes on me now and they all want me to beat Nia’s ass, and I just don’t know if I-”

“Hey, none of that. Y/N, look at me,” you slowly brought your head up to meet his eyes, the same ones that completely captivated your being just a couple weeks ago. “Whatever you’re about to say, don’t. That crowd out there knows exactly what you’re capable of, you know what you’re capable of, and I know what you’re capable of. I believe in you, baby, and if you can’t find it in you to believe in yourself then I’ll believe enough for the both of us. You got this, Y/N, I know you do.” Your heart melted at his words, the soothing and reassuring tone in his voice providing you some much needed comfort. 

“You still nervous, baby?” You nodded your head, looking down at your lap as he scooted closer to you on the couch. “I think I have an idea on how we can fix that. Do you trust me?”

“A-always, Joe.”

“Good girl.” He lifts your chin with his finger and passionately presses his lips to yours, resting his palm on the side of your face as you moan into the kiss. Your stomach flutters at his soft demeanor, feeling some of your nerves dissipate as his lips caress yours. He lays you down on the couch, hovering over you as he deepens the kiss. Breathless, he pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours and looking lovingly into your eyes. “You still feelin’ nervous, baby?”

“Y-yeah,” you breathed out, “a little less, but still pretty nervous.”

“I guess I’ll have to keep going then, don’t I?” His lips find their way back to yours, resting there for a moment before trailing along your jawbone and down your neck, leaving a few wet kisses at the base of your throat before continuing his path downward. Your breathing had picked up, and you were now looking down at him as his lips left a trail down your abdomen.

“A-are you sure we should… now? I mean, I have my match later and I-”

“Shhh, I promise I’ll be quick. Just wanna take care of you, help my baby out,” he muttered against your hip bone as he teased the lining of your ring gear you had been wearing. You sighed contently, leaning your head back against the arm of the couch and allowing yourself to relax into his touch. His fingers interlock in the lining of your bottoms as he looks up for you, asking for permission to remove them. You lift your hips off the couch, allowing him to slowly drag the material down your legs and throw them to the side. He snakes both hands up your legs, kneading the soft flesh of your thighs before splitting them apart and exposing you to him. Your body was so reactive to him- Joe loved how goosebumps would scatter across your skin at the brush of his lips or how your eyes would flutter closed and your eyebrows would scrunch together with just his touch, but most of all, he loved how how wet he made you without doing a thing to you. 

“Fuck, ma, always so ready for me,” you moaned loudly and bucked your hips, desperate for any sort of friction, “you gon’ have to be quiet for me, don’t want nobody to hear us, right baby?” You nodded and bit your lip, trying to hold in your cries and his fingers danced up the smooth skin of your inner thighs and through your folds, leaning down to make his face level with your core and presses a soft kiss on your clit before wrapping his lips around the swollen bud, nipping and sucking while he continues to drag his fingers along your slit before pushing a finger inside. His thrusts are slow, putting his focus on his mouth as he eats you with a burning intensity. His tongue works itself in ways that set your body on fire, the scruff of his beard along with it only adding to the sensation he’s giving you. The lip you’re biting to keep quiet is nearly drawing blood. You want to cry out, you want to moan his praises loud enough for the crowd inside the arena to hear, but you know you can’t so you continue to restrain yourself despite wanting to do the complete opposite.

He replaces his fingers with his tongue now, pumping it inside of you and using one to pin your hips down and the other to draw slow circles into your clit. This time you can’t help yourself; your clit is so sensitive that the second his fingers brushed it, you were done for. He pauses for a moment to remove his t-shirt he was wearing and you whine from the loss of contact, watching as he morphs the cotton material into a ball and hands it over to you, bringing his hand back down to your clit. “Bite down on this, since you can’t keep yourself quiet, I’ll make you.” You hesitate for a moment and look down at him, his features darkening and giving you a sly smirk before nodding his head. You bring the material to your lips before biting down on it, your senses being completely filled by Joe. He goes back to eating you as you moan into the cloth, the material successfully muffling your cries. Joe’s movements become more and more desperate, moving his tongue and fingers faster as he can sense you’re close. You can’t stop your moans now, saliva drooling from the corner of your mouth as you feel yourself getting closer to your release. Your legs begin to shake and Joe, noticing you were close, dives his head deeper into your pussy, trapping you with his mouth. Your eyes squeeze shut as you inhale, breathing in his scent and cologne you were using as a gag, triggering your own orgasm. You came on his tongue hard, shaking and moaning into the fabric of his shirt as he laps up your juices like an animal deprived of water. You even your breathing and throw his shirt back at him, the both of you laughing as he crawls on top of you.

“Oh, you wanna throw things at me do you? I might just have to teach you a le-”

Joe was interrupted by someone knocking on the door to his locker room. “Excuse me, Ms. Y/N? It’s almost time for your match, we need to head to Gorilla to finalize some things real quick.” You both sigh, him getting off of you as you put your bottoms back on in a rush. You make a run for the door to hurry and get to your position, but he grabs your arm to stop you. “You still feeling nervous?” You smiled at him and shook your head, going to thank him but getting cut off. “Good luck out there, baby. I’ll be waiting for you in Gorilla for you to show me that new title,” he kisses your cheek and you blush.

“Thank you, Joe, for everything. I mean it, I wouldn’t be doing this without you.” He gives you a soft smile and ushers you out the door, as you prepare yourself for possibly the biggest match of your entire career.

“Ughhh,” you groaned as Nia dragged you from the center of the ring to the corner, preparing to give you an Annihilator and win this match. From the jump Nia had punished you, much to the crowd’s distaste. It seemed like everybody in the arena had been behind you and you felt it, right up until the bell rang and she started throwing heavy combinations your way. You managed to sneak in a couple pieces of offense but none were convincing enough to give you any sort of edge. Nia got on the ropes, and performed the move. She remained seated on you, trying to get the pin. 1… 2… kick out. You pushed her off of you and sat on your heels, gripping your side. Jesus, my fuckin’ ribs. 

Finally to your feet, you unload on Nia as she laid on the ground. Kicks, punches, springboard moves, you threw the whole arsenal but each pin attempt gave a 1 or 2 count, and never close calls. You knew deep down you were going to have to do something completely insane to get this win, so you start stringing things together to get it done. You start by giving her a drop kick to send her to the outside, following her out, then throwing her into the steel steps. You dragged her by the hair to the announce table, laying her on it as you ran to the ring and climbed to the top rope. You made sure everyone near the table had cleared before crossing your heart and doing a senton, landing on Nia as the table and collapsing along with it. You could tell that Nia was nearly to the breaking point, so you mustered all the energy and strength you could to drag her back into the ring and climbed to the top rope once more. You hit your finisher, but wasn’t satisfied. You wanted no doubts, so you climbed up and hit it again, straddling her shoulders and hooking your arms around her legs. The arena was so loud you could barely hear the ref’s count. 1… 2… 3… ‘Here is your winner, and the NEW… WWE Women’s Champion… Y/N!’

You couldn’t even process what had just happened, all you wanted to do was get the hell out of that ring so you snatched the title from the ref and escaped. You slowed down when you made it to the stage, clutching the title in your arms and looking down at it with tears brimming your eyes. Your knees felt weak, and your heart was beating out of your chest. You did it. You triumphantly raised the title in the air, tears starting to fall as you smiled and took the moment in. After the cameras had cut and you had taken a few pictures with fans, you walked backstage only to be greeted with cheers. You made your way to everyone, getting pictures, hugs, and everything else in between before locking eyes with the man you wanted to see ever since your hand was raised. Joe. You practically ran to him, jumping into his arms and wrapping yours around his neck, hugging him tightly. He spun you around and smiled from ear to ear. 

“I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, baby. You had a helluva match out there, I knew you had it in you,” he kissed you sweetly right there, not caring who was watching as you grinned widely. “Now, let’s get you home,” he winked at you, setting you down before whispering low in your ear.

“We’ve got some more celebrating to do tonight.”

[notafragilething]

The Twitter Mess is Suspicious

So going through all the information that has been sent and shared with me today about Lou's twitter post I'm fairly sure it was a hacking. Obviously, we can't know either way and it's likely never going to be publicly addressed but that seems to be where it's pointing to.

I will say there is a lot of information out there that seems to just be made up so I'm only talking about what I have been able to confirm.

We know last night that Lou's twitter account followed an anti-BuckTommy, Buddie stan who had previously posted the old Instagram posts. His account also tweeted a random screencap of an Instragram profile that had an abliest joke about blind children in it. Shortly after the tweet was deleted and Lou's account blocked them. All of this was confirmed with by the owner of the twitter account his account responded two. I do not think the owner of that account has anything to do with the hacking because he seems equally confused by this behavior.

The first reason I think this is fake is because the account followed the anti-account. Which would make little to no sense for Lou to do. However, if you wanted to make sure that account saw and screencapped the response and shared it to their decent size following? Replying and following tracks.

The response is weird for two main reasons. The first being the fact that it's an ableist joke. The tweet was responding to criticism of Lou's previous posts. Even the account holder pointed out that this was a strange, strange way to respond. It wasn't an insult, it wasn't a response, it was a joke. If this was Lou responding to the criticism, you would think it would be more direct.

The second reason this response is weird is because it's a screencap of a profile on Instagram that has zero followers and no posts. The joke wasn't even a post, it was their profile message. To me, this seemed like someone was trying to replicated the style of early 2010s meme culture that was a lot of screencaps which include posts, usernames, etc. instead of just the actual image but wasn't around for it so they didn't fully understand it. People weren't screencapping profile messages, they would just screencap a post they wanted to share to make it their own that showed up on their feed. So this seems like a failed replica to me.

The quick deleting and blocking of anti-Bucktommy fans makes sense if this was a hacking. Lou is a verified account and I'm not sure how long he has been. But this means either he got verified because he's an actor (which proves he owns the account) or he pays for it (which is easy to prove by providing your credit card number to customer service). Either way, he was likely able to get it back pretty quickly, deleted the post in question and blocked people.

I know a lot of people are saying he would have said if it was a hacking but I disagree on that. To start with, it would have simply brought more attention to this and there truthfully doesn't seem to be a lot of traction around this. Second, if he did apologize it would draw attention to the original instagram posts (which are now deleted) and that wouldn't be good PR. So likely this just won't get mentioned moving forward.

Other weird thing I noted is both the anti-BuckTommy user and the screencapped acccount both have similar Chuu/Cuuh in their username. Which does make me think there might be some other options for what happened but I don't have enough information on that at the moment to express those.

Overall, I don't think this is the major issue that some people are making it out to be. I'm leaning towards hacking but there are a few other options. None of which are these awful, horrible things that some antis are making them out to be.

Until I get more information I'm opting not to give this anymore attention. It isn't picking up traction and it likely won't and most people will have probably moved on in another day or so.

If you have more information please reach out and share it with me.

[dragonflylady77]

I got tagged by @hg-deranged-edition ages ago (it's been a time...) so here we go...

20 Questions for Fic Writers (& Artists)

1. How many works do you have on ao3(Tumblr)?

apparently 34...

2. What's your total ao3 (Tumblr) word count?

23,783 (gonna go up when I post my harringrove big bang fic at the end of the month...)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly harringrove.

Dipping my toes into firstprince.

Wrote some spuffy years ago and 1 Power Rangers 2017 fic 2 years ago lol

4.What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

we talked about this - a short thing that gained so much traction somehow

why fight a guy (when you can kiss him instead) - previously titled 'steve can't take it anymore' - what if Steve kissed Billy that night at the Byers' house? (Steve POV)

Steve's pick (Billy Hargrove bingo square - love at first sight)

stop flirting and get in the house - that conversation outside the Byers' house takes a different turn (Billy POV)

definitely better than being dead - a fic i wrote for Billy Didn't Die Day

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to because I know that as a reader, I love getting a reply to a comment I leave on a fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write angsty stuff...

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I would say finding peace together which started because of something someone else wrote.

8. Do you get hate on any fics (Art)?

haven't so far

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written and still write MF smut (you can find it on the Zon) but MM smut is another beast entirely. Still working on that.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

It hasn't come up

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No but I started translating the first book I wrote into French.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Kinda... I was beta'ing a fic for a good friend of mine and ended up writing the smutty last chapter (spuffy)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Harringrove.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I like to think I will finish all my WIPs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

banter, dialogue...

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

not sure... too long sentences

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

get it checked by a person who speaks that language before you post

19. First fandom you wrote for?

spuffy <3

20. Favorite fic you've written?

a frankly ill-timed visit - Steve's parents show up unannounced and Steve doesn't have time for their bullshit

zero pressure tagging @spaceofentropy @thissortofsorcery @shieldofiron @memes-saved-me @anincompletelist @kiwiana-writes @eusuntgratie

[goodluckclove]

Fuck it here we go. This is day off Clove. Messy Clove. I had half a Bud Lite yesterday and I slept badly and because of that I feel a little rowdy.

Follow me under the Read More because I don't know how crazy I'm going to get.

So we talk a lot about engagement on Writeblr. And I get it, I really do. Posting anything online often implies the dopamine hunt for likes and comments and follows and views. People say you should write for yourself, and I say that too, but for some people this is a job so it's more nuanced than that.

I say this to further clarify that when I talk like this I am referring to adults that obsess over engagement. If you are a teenager or young person who feels upset that their story isn't getting a lot of traction, feel free to vent about that. I have zero problem with you doing that. I have the most sympathy for minors, as you guys often don't have a lot of freedom or extra money to buy snacks, and if someone tells you to do algebra you just have to do it, which is fucked. But when someone in their late 20s, early 30s (my age range) spits venom about how this community is trash because they don't get any notes or views on their story...nnnnn. Stop it.

I used to run a standup mic in California. Just a little thing in a coffee shop on Wednesday nights. And one time this guy signed up for a five minute set, and immediately his jokes were flopping. I had sympathy for him at first, because doing comedy in front of an audience that gives you no energy back is excruciating. I've been there.

Then something changed when he trailed off and paused to check his notes. I had better jokes, he said, but I'm just gonna save them for a better audience.

And just like that my opinion of this guy did an instant nose dive.

Listen, Adult Writer. Aspiring Working Writer. I'm not here to tell you that you should keep shouting into the void and be happy with that. What I AM saying is that I've worked in social media management for six years, and if you want to grow an account organically there's an actual art and science to it. There are people who have entire careers based on just knowing how to use Instagram or Twitter, and though I'm not sure the same depth exists for Tumblr you can still model your tactics based on the bigger names that post here.

I do not consider it inauthentic. I was never a good social media manager since I mainly just spoke like I do here, and I won't claim I know everything about the field because it literally changes on a month to month basis.

But you know what I do like? People like when you talk to them. They like comments as well as additions to their reblogs through either tags or new posts. They like opportunities to talk about themselves and feel seen and validated, much in the way you do. It's even better if you do all this without the distinctly goblin-esc implication that you're only acting nice so they read or buy your stuff.

You cannot push the importance of writers supporting writers when you do nothing to meaningfully support the other writers in the community in a way that actually forms a connection. That's why I like Tumblr. That's why I enjoy this community - for the opportunity to witness people in various stages of experience working in all stages of the process.

Compare this to Twitter, where the writing community is flooded with an endless stream of self-promotion. "Writer's Lifts" where they claim readers can find new work, but in actuality it's just a bunch of people masturbating over their own genius. It genuinely disgusted me. These are the only four Tweets on that account:

Mastodon was better, but lacked a decent size of people. Tumblr has its problems as a platform, but it is the only place I've found where you can find actual human beings who are interested in the craft of writing and not just the ego and potential of money.

The best part of my day is being able to have Tumblr in the background while I write. I've met more writers here in the past few months than I have in 15 years do you understand how special that is?

I don't expect Tumblr to be a majority of my income in terms of my books. I don't. I'm actively giving my book away for free and telling young people to ask for it in bookstores. That's why I'm calling bookstores in my area, and working towards contacting reviewers to draw more attention to it. I got a lot of goddamned angles to get people to buy my book - Tumblr is just my way of connecting to my colleagues and community and reminding myself why I do this in the first place.

There's no cool ending here. I'm tired. I don't like seeing artists my age act like this. I know I'm in a privileged situation where my wife is working full time so we can afford for me to take time to make money, but that's a very new situation. For years I was writing and publishing for work while working a separate full time job, or two part time gigs, or one part time gig while on disability. Like I know extenuating circumstances, but maybe if you feel the only option is to guilt-trip strangers on the Internet, it's time to take a step back and examine why you're doing this in the first place.

I saw a post within the community that made me real mad as both a writer and someone who worked for years in social media marketing. I want to talk about it but, as usual, I'm hesitant to pick a fight.

It does specifically involve the other adults on here. It's stuff I've seen younger writers do too, but I'm far more sympathetic for this kind of behavior coming from a minor, especially if they're lacking in a support system or disposable income. But to see this coming from grown human beings with fully developed brains and lives....mmmmmm I am upset.

Do you guys like when I get mad or should I ramble more to my wife until it's out of my system?

[stardestroyer81]

Hi everyone! As most of my followers know (Especially if the post I made on my birthday is any indication), I'm an enormous nerd on all things arcade games. I grew up playing them by way of official compilations or plug-and-plays, but it's very rare I get to see any of my arcade favorites in person, as arcades are quite sparse in my town.

However, last night I found out about an arcade relatively close to where I live, and while I went into it with mild expectations, let me just say that the amount of fun I had and the discoveries I made were unlike anything I could have ever expected! Below, you'll find a deep dive of my experience there, what games I found, and a superstar display of arcade mastery! Let's insert a coin and jump right in!

Once I arrived, the very first arcade cabinet that caught my interest (And, by extension, saw) was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles beat-em-up by Konami! Cartoony beat-em-ups such as this one and The Simpsons (Which they also had!) are something I've always had a fascination for, and while it was very tempting to start a game, I decided to hold off on it for the time being so that I could check out what else the arcade had in store��� plus, games like this are always more fun with friends!

Just around the corner, I found a genuine Mario Bros. cabinet! This one was the first one that really surprised me, as I'd never seen one physically. I'd played a great deal of Mario Bros. ports in my time, but never the real deal, so it was really cool to finally give it a go...

... before realizing how clumsy I am at it. I'm telling you, the traction on each stage feels like Mario's going ice skating with skates he buttered beforehand— the sliding is real. While I did get pretty close in beating the high-score here, it for some reason decided not to save, but that was no big deal to me. At some point I'd love to practice and see if I can really master the art of Mario Bros.

And because this is probably the only instance I'll ever get to mention this, if you haven't seen the commercial for Mario Bros. Atari port, I'd suggest you do so, because it is nothing short of hilarious. MAAAAAA-RI-O, WHERE ARE YOU?!

I remember getting particularly hyped when I caught sight of the 'Galaxian' marquee shown here, as I'd not once ever seen a Galaxian cab, though upon closer inspection, the machine is actually an iCade 60-in-1 compilation, one I actually grew up playing at a laser tag place and have a fondness for (The menu music gives me SUCH a great deal of nostalgia)!

One such title in this compilation that I consider myself a pro player at is Super Pac-Man, and that ended up being the first game that I got REALLY into playing. I noticed upon starting the game that the high score was around forty thousand or so, but by the time I wrapped up...

I showed "YOU" who's boss (Weird, now that I look at it, that the 41,470 looks to be a default score as the stage they made it to was... well, zero)! This ended up being my all-time personal best Super Pac-Man score by just four hundred points or so, and was DEFINITELY the most exciting one yet!

When I finished with that game, I noticed that just down the hall, there were even more games, which interested me fairly quickly. I made my way down the hall and turned to the right, and sure enough, there were a whole lot more games!

And then... I saw it.

A genuine Dig Dug cabinet.

It took every last square inch of my entire being to not just start fanboying right then and there. I'd been waiting for as long as I can remember to see a Dig Dug cabinet in person, and it was SO EXCITING finally being able to play one! You'll notice in the image above that the high score was in the thirty thousand range, which I found was EASILY beatable given my expertise...

Turns out, all that practice playing Dig Dug on Jakks Pacific's plug-and-play and in Namco Museum Vol. 3 payed off! Once I began Round One, I noticed one tiny detriment to the cabinet, however- it took some major effort to even go up, which is pretty much a requirement if you even want to beat the first stage.

As I played, though (Let me tell you, this was one of my more intense Dig Dug sessions, I was making some serious plays that hinged on exact timing and choosing which enemies to pump first), the joystick seemed to loosen up, and I found it much easier to move upward as the rounds went on.

This might just be my favorite picture I took last night, too. I've always wanted my initials to be in the top spot of any genuine arcade cabinet, and for it to be Dig Dug no less was just so satisfying! Now, we wait until I scout out a Bosconian cabinet...

They also had a Ms. Pac-Man cabinet in the same row that Dig Dug was in! The version they used was particular fun, too, as it was actually Turbo Ms. Pac-Man, which is exactly what it sounds like. Weirdly, this cabinet's top score was relatively low (Around twenty-thousand, I think?) and I even remember hearing somebody my age remarking how difficult it is.

I don't know if it's just because of how well-versed I am at Ms. Pac-Man but— again— I set the high score for this, too, clocking in at 54,410! I'd played another Turbo Ms. Pac-Man a while back and remember my score being much higher, but the score I had set just proved I was on a roll!

Lastly, another cabinet I was surprised to find was Space Invaders! I recall having seen a Space Invaders cabinet many years ago at a Chuck E. Cheese north of my town, though I don't remember it having a space backdrop like this one has, which blends in with the actual game really well.

I'd only ever played Space Invaders a handful of times, though to nobody's surprise (But perhaps to everyone's amazement) I set the high score HERE, too! In the image above, the score is 910, though by the time I finished, I had upped it to 1140. Games like this and Ms. Pac-Man don't save initials for high scores, but I at least have proof on the matter that this is indeed my score!

I guess I'm a lot better at the classics that I was led to believe! The whole experience was just a blast, and I REALLY wanted to share it with you all! I definitely want to make posts like this for other arcades I visit, and you can bet that if I come across a Bosconian cabinet... THAT'S going to be one lengthy post!

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight: Coffeegleek Day 3

Author : @coffeegleek​

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

At least a few revisions. Then multiple editing passes, and even with my spouse as my proofreader for the past 25+ years, and doing more editing passes before posting to AO3, I still find annoying little typos, sometimes large ones.

If you were to revise one of your older fics from start to finish, which would it be and why?

There was a crack fic I stopped writing years ago. It was a self-challenge during one of those tumblr trope challenges. I was trying to combine all of the tropes into the same fic as they were announced. It got zero traction though so I gave up. I'd love to go back and complete it, make it better. I had the whole thing outlined too.

What do you look for in a beta?

My spouse. We've been together for decades. He's been proofreading my original science fiction work and various fandoms' fanfics since before we were married. He even proofreads my Klaine smut and doesn't blink an eye. (He's a Glee fan too and on tumblr.) He knows what I'm trying to say when I can't find the right words and supplies them. He catches things I don't. What I love the most is for my original work, he's written his own fanfic. It's BAD. It truly is, but it's so heartfelt and earnest. He even came up with a soundtrack should I ever publish my sci-fi novel and the movie or show rights be bought. You really can't get a better beta than that. <3

There’s a number of friends on tumblr that I bounce ideas off of and who give me advice for topics they know far more about than me and google. I try to thank them in my fics.

If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

I’m going to steal another author’s recent answer and say that I could never do someone else’s work justice. However, I would love to see the author’s ideas for their fics even if they couldn’t write a prequel or sequel.

I suck at remembering titles and author names. There were two political fics that I would love to read more of should their authors ever decide to write in those verses again. One was where Kurt and Blaine's dads were running for president and Kurt and Blaine were along for the ride, staying in the same hotels at time (where they first met,) having to do school remotely, having to be the perfect sons for the press and Blaine being fed up because his parents were conservative Republicans. Then there was another fic where Burt was president and Kurt was the First Son living in the White House, along with Finn, and it was hard to date when your every move is watched by the press.

Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I write AU, so canon is only a word often misspelled by me. :) Seriously though, I try to incorporate as many canon elements and characters into my AU fics as I can. It's the kind of AU I like to read as well. What draws me to read and write AUs is taking canon characters, putting them into a different setting, and seeing how they'll react. At their core, they still need to remain the same in principle and have many of the same traits. Like Kurt will always love fashion and be headstrong no matter what. Blaine is always going to have that spark within himself, no matter how depressed or oppressed he gets. Burt and Carole are always going to be loving and nurturing parents at heart. Even in fics where Burt isn't woke, there's a part of him that means well. (Not one of my own fics, but one I read a long time ago.) Different circumstances will change the canon characters and make them react in different ways though. Like, Kurt could end up more withdrawn and hide his love of fashion as a matter of survival and self preservation. He or Blaine could turn into "bad boys." Coach Beiste will always have a heart of gold. Miss Pillsbury will always have a problem with messes. Things like that. I know canon. Give me all the alternate universe versions of it and I will be a happy camper.

Talk about a review that made your day.

I haven't checked for reviews on my fics in ages (because I'm an insecure chicken) so I don't remember any specifically. I do remember there were many that made my day. There are those who take the time to review every chapter. Ones who write only a short note to thank me for writing the fic - both the angsty ones and the cracky fun ones. I love it when someone mentions something that no one else has that I was hoping someone would notice because I was proud of it. I'm not a popular author and don't get a lot of kudos or comments or reblogs compared to many. So each comment and kudos means a lot to me and I'd like to publicly thank every single person who wrote one or hit that kudos button.

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

I once got a troll who decided it was his job to complain that I had misspelled hors d'oeuvres in one sentence out of an entire verse where the word was written multiple times correctly. It was a series of Klaine Advent one shots for the Empty Nest verse. At first I was shocked and replied with an apology. Then I was, "F this. The person is a troll who didn't read any other part of the fic or verse, just this one quickly written one shot entry, and if all they had to say was that I'd misspelled a commonly misspelled word, then they aren't worth my time." I deleted the comment. There's concrit and trolling. It wasn't concrit.

What advice do you have for people just starting to write?

Have fun writing, even the hard stuff. Know that it's okay to take breaks. Try your best and know you'll get better the more you write and the more you read. Pronouns are your friend and free. Don't put, "I know this is going to suck, so whatever," in your fic description. We all suck at times. It's a part of writing. But if you want folks to read it, using that as your fic's summary isn't the way to go. Just my opinions, which won't even buy you a cup of coffee.

Which fic do you most like to discuss with other people? Why?  

I think it’s pretty obvious from all of my rambling that I enjoy talking about both of my series - Empty Nest verse and A Very Hallmark Christmas verse.  I'm not a popular author and I know my fics, especially the Empty Nest verse ones, aren’t everyone’s thing, so I never get to really discuss them except with friends that I bug to death in private and via long replies to comments on AO3. (You all are saints blessed by all of the good and patient gods.) I have so much to say about them - the process of writing them, the world building, research, and character decisions that went into every single one. I know they’re not perfect. I know the Empty Nest verse grew miles beyond the ficlette about Burt and Carole that it was meant to be. I know my sense of humor in the Hallmark verse isn’t everyone’s thing either. I still worked really hard on them and am glad that I did. Empty Nest let me release a lot of the fear and anxiety I had for my Hispanic and gay son after the 2016 election. The Hallmark ones were a needed break to put some humor into my life. If others enjoyed them, great. If folks want to know more, my inbox is always open.

What's one aspect of writing fic that gets you really excited?

Writing humor even if I'm the only one that finds it funny. As I said above, writing the Hallmark Christmas movie dialogue and plot and the actors as they were filming it was a blast. Writing the commercials was fun and exciting. In my angsty fics, knowing I wrote a good scene, line, or moment that brought out all the feels. That's more of “satisfaction of a job well done” than excited.

***

Check out Coffeegleek’s Fics

Humorous Spooky Drabbles -  Humorous drabbles to spookish type prompts based on a tumblr post called October Drabble Prompts #1 by hallofceleano. The parts in bold and italic are from those prompts. Characters include Kurt, Blaine, Burt, Carole, and Finn. All fun; only #4 has some mild angst. #4 is for snarkyhag and regarding #5 - I know next to nothing about Twilight and had to look up Taylor Lautner on imdb. The liberties I took are my own.

A Very Sloppy Christmas - lucy8675309 posted to tumblr a series of gifs with Kurt dressed up as an elf. It inspired me to write the following prompt, which CoffeeAddict80 encouraged me to write as a fic:

I now want a fic where real Santa’s elf!Kurt gets drunk and vents to Blaine about all the woes of working for Santa. He’s over 100 years old and the outfits are terrible. Why couldn’t they wear clothes like the elves did in that one movie? Drunk elf Kurt has no idea he’s venting to Santa’s son.

Bonus if he wakes up and realizes he just had a drunken one night stand. He isn’t sure who it was with. Only that he’s naked, the guy in the bed beside him is naked and showing off a really great ass. Then said guy turns over and after Kurt’s done staring at his dick, he looks at the guy’s face and realizes who it is.

It’s a Twisted World -  I decided to challenge myself by combining the posted 5 weekly Klaine AU Friday themes and adding another one of my own. So that means: Farm, Fairytale, Vintage (1900’s,) Super Powers, Zombie Apocalypse, and Harry Potter World Klaine with a splash of a fic idea I thought of while in the produce section of the grocery store. Each week, the story will continue, though each part stands alone. This is not a brilliant work of perfectly composed fan fiction. What it is, is fast-paced, cracky fun, with a large dose of innuendo. At least it had my son laughing his ass off. I hope y'all enjoy it too. :)

[theunholygrails]

Very Differently

Summary: This isn’t really new, just something I never got around to posting here. Basically my take on Budapest with an OC added to the mix for fun. 

Masterlist

Zdravstvuyte

The shadows cast from the wastefully clad guests in the soft angles and indecipherable masses were notably more elegant than the calculating frowns of their creators. A gloved hand traced along a freshly polished curling oak banister as Sonja made her was to join the babbling benefactors. Leaflets of conversations rustled not long enough to take root but simply flew past on the careful air of disinterest her fellow hosts held about them. With a sharp nod of her head and a demure curve of her lips, she joined the nearest transaction.

Arms dealing can be tricky business when neither party particularly trusted the other.

Jewels painted the necklines of her most generous buyer and in their pristine surfaces, she could make out the warning flash of the smallest red dot. Sonja shifted with a subtle flip of her hair to block the shot and simultaneously tapped her earpiece.

“Ma’am, I do believe my husband is coming down with something fatal.” she said.

Even if she did not have a husband to speak of, the message was abundantly clear—the event was compromised because Black Widow herself was present.

“Take care of it, Chief. I need this night to be spotless.”

“Got it.”

Security hustled onto the floor at Sonja’s signal to escort each of the dozen or so guests back to their armored vehicles.

With the prompting of her boss in her ear, Sonja slipped out the back door to attempt to uncover any tracks the Widow might have left behind.

The wet asphalt did little to help her heels find traction as she scanned the nearest buildings for the optimal vantage point the spy must have taken to train a snipper on people under her protection. With the rest of her security team busy locking down the premises, she was left to the goose chase even though looking for tracks from this particular prey was about as promising as searching for footprints after a storm.

She tensed when something popped right beside her ear and the sharp slap of metal hit her cheek. She scolded her hammering heart and forced a calm gaze to the arrow that kissed her skin and was now imbedded in the wall. Her hand went to the dual blades tucked against her thighs knowing full well that any assassin after her would not be foolish enough to miss twice.

A test of her ear piece told her its signal had been knocked out somehow. A heavy pair of boots splashed down beside her and she whipped into a defensive pose before the archer could cut her mission short.

The man kneeling across from her had his bow pressed to the ground and his black stealth suit clinging to him like any woman in her proper mind would in a scenario a little less lethal than this. Given a situation where she were allowed to use her real name and wash the blonde dye from her hair, she might have done just that because his looks were wasted on the dark, filthy streets of Samara, Russia.

“Hello, easy, Chief. I’m not here for you. Sonic took out your communications, also I was listening in a little bit, Ma’am is a weird name. Is that like the birth one or did she rename herself that? I’m looking for the Widow. You know anything?”

“Does anyone?” she flicked her blades so they would glint in warning beneath the lazy stars.

“They sent one person out to challenge her? Seems a little under kill. Unless you’re just the bait.”

She advanced a step to show just how much of a danger she truly was. His mouth curved up in amusement when he rose from his crouch. “You’re not going to let me leave,” he said.

“I fear my boss will want to speak with anyone chasing her.”

“Knew better,” he sighed. “Alright, let’s do this before I have to check out of my hotel.”

Her first swipe cut only into nothing as he swiveled around to her back. She feigned left, sweeping her right foot back to catch his ankles.

“Woah, who taught you that?” he demanded, dancing over the attack.

While she paused to process his stunned remark his completely unstunned body cracked his bow against her forehead. She grabbed at his forearm, twisting until it clattered free of his grip. “Quiet, American.”

“Was it Hill?” he carried on. “You with S.H.I.E.L.D?”

Now she faltered and he did not take the opportunity to jam any of his color coordinated arrows into her temple.

“I wasn’t told of another operative here,” he babbled.

She slammed her shoulder into his chest and landed him flat on his ass where she could properly threaten him.

“I’m handling it.”

“This is about as under control as a mouse wrestling a snake.”

“You realize I’m pinning you right,” she demanded, dropping her knees to either side of his hips and pressing the flats of her blades against either of his wrists.

“That means nothing. I’m letting you. Just so you know, they asked me to do your job first. Also, the first and last fight I had with the Widow ended with my jaw dislocated. That was back when I cornered her in Milan. That makes me a mouse too.”

“Sadly, I think that just makes more dinner for the snake instead of an overwhelming force.”

He shrugged his eyebrows and glanced down pointedly. With a sigh she crawled to sit beside him as he grunted and rolled onto his stomach. Hands propped under his head as princess worthy blue eyes fluttered up at her. “Feel better? I think you missed bruising one of my ribs if you wanted a clean sweep.”

“I was going to ask why Fury didn’t tell me you were coming, but pretending you don’t exist does seem to be the only way to deal with your bullshit.”

“Supposed to be super top fucking secret but since you kind of outed me, not cool by the way, want to work together to charm a snake?”

“Is she a spider or a snake, man? Make up your damn mind.”

He rocked back, clutching his knees as a laugh barreled through him. “Oh, I like you. You don’t get a say now. We’re working together. Got something more stealthy than that yellow dress?”

***

She did not give one rat’s ass how he got into her apartment only that he could have possibly blown her cover.

“Brought flowers. Told the doorman I wanted to surprise you.”

“Was the surprise that I had a boyfriend?” she deadpanned as she shrugged off her bulky overcoat.

“Fiancé, when he asks but that’s not why I’m here. I need your help bringing her in. She vanished, shook all my tracking abilities. From what I hear, you’re pretty handy with the underworld system.”

“If you hear anything then I’m doing my job wrong. Why would you want her brought in anyway? Isn’t protocol to take out someone that rouge and dangerous?”  

He gave his knees a firm pat before pushing off them to match their heights. “I think she could prove an asset. I made this call. If it goes south, it’s on me. I know I’m asking you to compromise yourself but from what I can tell, the Widow is more involved in mafia’s inner working than the little crew you head. We find her, we get you your hot target too.”

“Ma’am is a pretty cold-hearted bitch from ghost chatter I’ve picked up.”

A tug of his grey hoodie secured it around his face for a safety net just in case anyone was spying in from the dirt smeared window to their right. Sonja was afforded no such luxury because her face was always bared to the world. She was buried way too deep in her world of shit to risk disguises. “Funny. We should work well together.”

“What’s your clearance?” She demanded.

The space of her apartment was deemed worthy of her retailer to host grand parties of up to a dozen people but she already felt stuffy with his confident presence entirely too close to her though he remained clear across the green wallpapered room with his feet twisting into her recently purchased, hand woven rug. It was probably worth three times his ratty boots with its intricate depiction of a fanfare of angels descending the heavens; this man was no angel.

“Alpha.”

“That doesn’t exist. Ten is the highest. I would know, I was the reason they created it.”

A tilt of his head told her he was only amused with her declaration and not in awe like all other inferiors she came across. “Welcome to Alpha then. I’ll fill you in on the plane.”

“I thought you didn’t know where she was.”

“I said she shook me. That doesn’t mean I don’t know her well enough to predict where she would go. Pack light, Budapest can be unforgiving this time of year.”

“Got a name?”

“Got a code, Hawkeye. Yours?”

“Zero.”

***

Being nearly run over three time while crossing a single street was a personal record for Sonja. Hawkeye was weighed down beneath a tan backpack filled with waters, old and clunky laptops, maps, granola bars (as if she could live off of those along), and a very distinct lack of weapons. Hawkeye had insisted on leaving them behind because airport security did not make exceptions for undercover agents and using a private jet would raise too many eyebrows. He had extracted her daggers from her and then held his hand out expectantly for the spares he could not have known she kept tucked neatly between her planner and wallet in her purse. She felt slightly less naked when he tossed his bow as well but still would rather not relying on their combined wit and charm since her partner appeared to be painfully lacking in both and making up for it with 100 proof sarcasm.

The wind buckled with the weight of the dry air it carried and tugged at the ends of Sonja’s hastily dyed and chopped off brunette locks. A sunhat kept the loose waves mashed against her face and even bigger sunglasses kept the prying sun at bay along with Hawkeye’s dancing glances back to make sure she was keeping up with his soundless steps.

“Come on,” he called even though the only closer she could have been to him would be to just piggyback it.

“Where is the safe house again?” she called over the roar of traffic.

He pause while a couple bustled between them, their heads bent in deep conversation then nodded politely to a minister though she doubted his devilish grin could even point out a church. “Next block. You wanna take over bag duty? I’ve got this crick in my neck I haven’t been able to shake since the plane.”

“That’s because you were stupid enough to sleep on the plane. On my shoulder no less. There’s a drool stain.”

The bag was tossed at her chest where her hands caught it without the aid of her gaze leaving his. “If your posture was more slumped we wouldn’t have this problem.”

“Excuse me for remaining vigilant.”

“Trust me, your people don’t know you’re missing yet. You’ve probably got until noon.” His eyes skipped between his blank wrist and the sun overhead to judge the time. “And once we get set up with internet, I will clear the airways of anything we might have left behind. Say, do you think you could give me some sort of reaction? The constant dead expression is a bit intimidating.”

“I can see why the Widow dislocated your jaw, you talk too much.”

She spotted the covert insignia for S.H.I.E.L.D. and pushed past him to key in the day’s number sequence for entrance. There was distinct absence of air conditioning when they entered the stale room sitting on the basement level of what appeared to be the back of a tourist ice cream shop. Hawkeye’s bulky jacket hit the floor then his paisley shirt was tossed over the back of a chair that used to be sand colored but appeared to have been recently stained with globs of red. His back hit the ground as he fiddled with the window unit and Sonja set to toeing along the perimeter of their quarters.

She came across the outlet first sitting adjacent to the Ethernet cable in the far right corner. After depositing the backpack for him to fiddle with later on, she peeled off her overcoat and tank top while she stuck her head into the bathroom to check on the water situation. What trickled from the sink was lukewarm at coldest and the pressure in the shower was laughable but at least the toilet flushed and air freshener hung from the doorknob. Its orange tree shape was swinging in the next moment as blessed air filled the cramped space.

Sonja emerged from the bathroom with her sports bra held away from her damp skin. “Guess you are useful.”

“Do me a favor and check the freezer.” He toed off his boots as he walked, adding more of his shit to the mess that made her fingers twitch to clean only slightly.

“Think they left us frozen dinners? Because you’re health nut bars are not going to cut it Hawk.”

“I’ll order pizza for us,” he called with a wink as he tapped away on the booting up monster of a laptop.

She grumbled her response and pried open the rusted closed freezer doors that concealed an inside that somehow felt hotter than the oven of a city. Two metal cases rested inside, one smaller and snugly sitting atop

“You know how to defuse bombs right?” she called, eyes tracing the otherwise empty white cubicle for any wire or trigger.

“That’s a no. They’re presents from Fury.”

She did not move to take his word for it but instead carefully shifted the boxes sideways while sliding her hand where they sat in case it was weight sensitive. When she felt only the sleek, flat bottom, she cautiously picked up the bottom box from either edge with just the tips of her fingers and walked it as far away from Hawkeye as she could manage.

“For Christ’s sake, Z. I special requested those. Look, the code is 1971 on the bigger one and all zeroes on the other because I’m brilliant. If those don’t work then you can pull out your bomb squad suit.” He strode over, task forgotten, and squatted beside her kneeling form. “I’m not sure whether I’m offended you don’t trust me or flattered you’re trying to keep my out of harm's way.”

She flinched when he keyed in the numbers and passed her the first case carelessly before punching in his own and flipping the lid up to reveal and brand-spanking-new carbon fiber and purple streaked bow.

“Stealthy.” Sonja pulled out her own sleek new dagger set. Four blades so sharp just the skimming of her fingers drew their first blood. “Gorgeous.”

“I’m going to assume both of those were for me. Look, since I slept earlier, you take this round and I’ll wake you when night says it's time to move.”

When she made no move to do as such, he groaned and jutted out his hand. “Clint,” he said.

“What,” she snapped.

“That’s my name. Clint Barton. 1971 is the year I was born.”

“Is this supposed to make me trust you?”

“What? You want my social security number? Passport? Birth certificate? To be honest, I have so many of those I probably couldn’t pinpoint the original for you.”

She glanced down to hide the smiled curving up her lips and tucked a single dagger into her calf high sock. After refolding the hem of her khaki shorts, she felt composed enough to meet his impatient blue eyes. His smile was quick and brilliant and caught her so off guard she returned it, still vulnerable from the previous moments.

“There she is. Listen miss bomb technician, that why they call you zero? Because of the countdown? Anyway, if you don’t sleep you risk both our asses tonight and I happen to have a fine ass. As a gentleman I have not checked yours out but I am willing to bet that it’s at least half as good as mine.”

“If I go to sleep will you shut up?”

He touched his scarred knuckles against her cheek and lugged his new toys over to the ancient ones where he set up shop for the next few hours. The flimsy mattress with springs poking out every few inches was tucked away between the window and the front door and Sonja barely got her coat down on it before her head crashed against her arm for her pillow and her eyes tapped out.

***

do svidaniya

Clint’s version of a gentle awakening was a kick to her foot as he passed by. Of course, her leg swept out in defense and he landed face first on the mattress beside her. Her groggy eyes blinked open at him and promptly scowled at the dumbfounded expressions holding even his usual smart ass comment at bay.

“We better be under attack,” she grumbled, failing when she attempted to remove her already asleep arm from beneath his heavy torso.

It took him an alarming number of seconds to compose an answer and she squinted through sleep crust to glare at him. His lips parted then apparently he discovered them too dry to speak because his tongue swept out and at this proximity, so close she would not even have to reach to strangle him, the smell of his lingering bubblegum toothpaste pulled her fully into reality.

The same abrupt force that stilled him froze her from shoving him off the bed. She blamed the dreams still singing to her but the more likely cause was his hand which had by the damnation of some god landed on the dip of her waist, not her ass or her breast, which would be far simpler to explain the skip in her chest.

His recovery was like watching a runner recover from a particularly nasty hurdle “Afraid your mafia is running a little behind schedule, so we have to go out and meet them. Gear up.”

He grunted when her knee sent him rolling to the floor next.

“What time is it, Hawk?”

“2100. Think you bruised my bladder.”

Her change of clothes were swept up and the bathroom door slammed between them and the meager form of water she coaxed from the sink drowned out the breath she heaved from her lungs. The woman staring back at her was faded and spotted where the mirror was tarnished from the years without maintenance.

There was scarcely enough time to worry about saving her own skin let alone playing guess that hormone with an archer she met two days ago. A quick coaching session of her emotions and the addition of a black beanie, matching under armor shirt, and a lightweight bullet proof vest she emerged, undoing the button to her shorts after regretfully noticing the absence of the last bit of her uniform.

Clint lounged in front of the air unit in identical gear, hands folded across his pulled in knees so that the muscles fought against the fabric of his shirt. “Didn’t know pants were optional,” he called as she neatly folded her shorts beside their supply bag and produced the cargo pants that would be hiding her weapons for the evening. “I did appreciate that silky number you wore for me on our first mission,” he continued.

A belt secured the bottoms and after shoving her feet into the boots she stomped one down dangerously close to his most vulnerable bits and offered a sweet smile down at him.

“Think the world has one too many eunuchs as it is. Next time you want me to tie your laces try a nice ‘Clinton, would you be a dear and tie my fucking shoes?’”

“Don’t I feel like Cinderella?”

Deft fingers made quick work of her laces and she was still admiring the knots she could not even begin worrying about how to undo when he stood and shouldered his bow.

“Let’s go catch a spider, Z.”

“Let’s take down the Samarian crew as well while we’re at it.”

The night was their friend, lending its heaviest cloud cover from the stars that dared shine from the moonless sky as they jogged through the still bustling city’s alleys.

They passed a meat truck making a last minute delivery and Clint offered the driver the nod of his head before prodding Sonja’s body to pick up the speed as if they were out for a jog instead of on the tracks of the most dangerous woman on any side of the world. She shifted out of his reach, none too content on having her mind replay its earlier clash with emotions for the rest of the mission.

The building where Clint’s found surveillance footage last picked up her image was tucked between the river and the last wall of structures. A fishing shack where Sonja doubted the lights from the horn riddled bridge now stretching over their heads could penetrate if a paid professional like herself were taking shelter there.

Rounding the last bend on the downward slanting street, Clint caught her belt loop and pulled her against the crumbling brick building that smelled like moss and moldy bread. She bent her knees to keep from slipping down the slope on the loose cobblestones beneath their feet and still managed to subtly maneuver further from him because his aftershave was making repeating the plan like a mantra in her head a thing for the birds.

“Hey, you with me, Zero? You remember what we talked about?”

“Not dying or the not fucking up part?”

“See, I knew you weren’t listening to me.”

“Relax, Hawk. I’ve been doing this since I was toddling.”

“Really? Diapers for me.”

She swatted his arm when his blue eyes danced with humor and closed her own to reel herself back in.

“Seriously, though, you up for this? Because I can go in alone…”

“Like, hell, Hawk. You’re long range, I distract. Stick to it.”

He held out his knuckles wrapped in fingerless gloves that would help his aim. With a laugh disguised as a groan, she knocked hers against his and watched as he began scaling the fire escape to the tops of the connected houses leading to the perfect vantage point.

It took the coaxing of the restless waves to remind her that she too did not have the fortune of sitting still and allowing her already spiraling life to make Budapest its final resting place.

The traps took precious time to pick out--a motion detector from the front porch, a snoring dog with paws running in the air when she slipped around to the side, an electrical ward along the single sealed window, and finally a good old fashioned set of cans on the roof she managed to climb on. Sonja crouched on the narrow ledge of the none-too-secure roofing tiles, still off balance from her misjudged landing.

The cans, a mix of unopened green peas for which Sonja could not blame her and chili whose lids appeared to have been ripped off by bare hands, were stacks to at least twice her height and made a perfect circle around what she had to assume was another vulnerable entrance. From her original distance of spotting from the bridge with Clint, it had appeared merely another level of the shack which she could scale but now was proving to be just a pain in her ass. She circled on feet quieter than death to the side where Clint could see her and held out her hands helplessly.

“No in?” He said over the ear piece.

A shake of her head was the answer she knew his strapped on night goggles could pick up.

“Alright, hold on.”

“Clint!” she hissed out as an idea struck.

“Hell of a time to break out the Christian name.”

“Knock out the electricity on window.”

“I know you remember how these sonic arrows work. Our communication will be cut off and I know you’ll miss this sweet watchful voice, Z.”

“Sonja,” she whispered, hunching down on her knees and throwing a finger down as if he did not know the window she intended.

“No, sonic.”

“That’s my name you moron. You’ve got to trust me. Just shoot it.”

There was that hesitation from him again, she was beginning to understand how his head worked. The job was simple, something he was trained beyond reason for, but she was a variable he had to carefully calculate into the equation.

“Alright. I’m right behind you.”

“I know. Just don’t miss.”

She heard the smile in his response, “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

“Are we really resorting to quoting Star Wars right now?”

“Fire in the hole, Sonja.”

The arrow struck home with a muted thwack and Sonja slid down onto the windowsill throwing a thumbs up into the now unresponsive night as she jimmied her dagger around to unlock the window. A second blade joined her free hand when she ducked inside.

The first thing she noticed was the complete lack of interior decoration just like their own safe house and the second unfortunately was that the insides were also void of any inhabitants. Why so much security without anything to protect?

There was a knock at the front door and a moment later Sonja remembered the power surge would also have affected the motion detector. She wearily trudged over before sliding into a defensive position when she flung the door back.

She saw the Black Widow first and her arrogant smirk followed by the prompting of an arrow to her skull.

“Plan B then?” Sonja called as Clint jostled their target into the room.

“I thought we agreed this was the more likely alternative,” he said. “Making it plan A.”

Sonja shrugged and pulled the handcuffs from her calf pocket before moving to snap them securely around the Widow’s ankles. The woman grunted as a green glow filled the room and a shift of her hips proved her unable of even lifting her feet.

When Sonja straightened and reached to tuck a stray strand of hair back into her braid, the woman finally spoke. “Props.” she said.

“Thanks, we’ve been practicing that last bit for hours now. I was really worried about the execution.” Clint strolled around to the front of their captive, pockets bulging with confiscated weapons.

“Not you, Barton. I knew you were on my ass for months. Her I wasn’t even looking for.”

Sonja crossed her arms. “Case. Point. What’s your real name?”

“Natasha Romanov.”

The plain reply jarred both her and her partner equally and Clint took her arm, walking her as far back into the room as he could manage before inclining his forehead to make the whisper easier hear. “She’s going to try to play a game with us. Anyone around her is instantly compromised. I need you to stay with me.”

A sharp nod answered him and his grin danced with mischief as he swung back around to stroll over to Natasha with his bow forgotten and swinging in his left hand. Sonja did not even feign relaxation but rubbed her thumbs over the sweating hilts of her daggers.

“This about the Avengers initiative? I read all about it last week,” Natasha said.

“You know it is. That’s why you let us capture you.”

“Let?” Sonja’s arms slipped from their protective frame.

Clint pushed on, feigning deafness when Sonja knew good and well his hearing aids were in. “You’ve got a nasty ledger and S.H.I.E.L.D. only wants to help you rectify it through the Avengers.”

“Avengers?” Sonja questioned.

“I’m fine where I am,” Natasha retorted giving the glowing shackles weighing down her feet a good tug and only ending up on her knees which, despite the powerless position, she somehow conveyed was right where she wanted to be.

Clint sighed and dropped as well. “You’re fine painting every city you go to with blood for people you don’t even know? The Avengers are going to protect the world and we want you to be a part of that.”

“Cute speech. Did Sonja feed it to you? You’re not bright enough to try the emotion ploy.”

Sonja was too busy puzzling how she knew her name to reply. That’s when the first bullet cut through the air and buried itself clean in Clint’s left calf. When he keeled forward in pain, Natasha swiped the gun tucked into the back of his belt and began firing to cover all their asses.

Lurching forward, Sonja kicked the door shut and pried her pistol from her belt as her back smacked against the wall. “Clint!” she called when he finally lifted himself from the ground.

“You led the Samarians here!” Natasha shouted as bullets pelted the door and walls relentlessly.

“Whoops,” Clint managed.

“Damn right you’re gonna need my help with the Avengers if you can’t even manage to stay off their radar. I assume you at least had an escape route in place.”

Clint wiped his bloody hand off on his shirt and primed an arrow for release should their defenses be breached by the crew. “Boat out back.”

“You’re gonna have to uncuff me.” Natasha called, firing precisely through an already fragile portion of the wall to produce a thunk of dead weight only a few yard away.

The deadly accuracy made Clint hesitate as he added in yet another variable, but Sonja just tossed the keys without a word and returned to keeping her gun aimed at the door.

“Barton go first and we’ll cover you,” Natasha called as she dodged a bullet cutting entirely too close to her brain. When she sat up straight again a line of red across her forehead added to her already flaming hair and scarlet pjs look.

Clint’s gaze snapped to Sonja unwavering in its unspoken question: would she be ok alone?

“Get out of here, Hawkeye,” she added the last bit to help him depersonalize, to remind him this was just a mission and all lives involved were expendable. “I’m right behind you,” she continued when he did not move.

His mouth curved up as he heaved himself onto mostly steady feet and sprinted to the backdoor while Sonja and Natasha laid down cover fire until both were down a clip. “Together?” Natasha called.

“Hell, why not?”

Sonja leapt up first, followed shortly by the much faster woman. The night air was thick with humidity that only pooled more sweat on their skin. On the free side of the house, a man screamed as the now awakened guard dog set to work. The other side was occluded by the closely stacks buildings and on the water just ahead, Clint revved the waiting engine of the speed boat.

Natasha waded into the water and slung her leg over the side, hauling herself on board in one fluid motion. Sonja had time to see her eyes go wide before she heard the other female voice cut through the night, “Chief!”

A sword was leveled at her instead of a gun and Sonja had the absolute pleasure of facing her old boss when she turned around. “Ma’am,” she replied without a trace of emotion.

She heard the cock of Natasha’s gun along with the wiry draw of Clint’s bow and briefly wondered if he could even keep his hands steady at the moment due to the blood loss.

“Or is it Agent Zero now?”

“Whatever you prefer, Ma’am.”

“Shall we settle this like the duals of old or has all your honor gone through the window with the american?”

Sonja heard Natasha grumble about being ignored as she tucked her gun into her pocket and produced a dagger. The other hand reached for her back pocket slower all the while keeping her opponent's gaze fixed on her words. Ma’am’s bulky henchmen fanned out behind her patiently waiting to be allowed to have some fun with the traitor and spy.

“What can I say? He brought presents.”

She waited the appropriate ten seconds for the meaning behind her words to smash into Clint before she pulled the pin. The homemade grenade sailed from her hand while her body was flung in the other direction. Her side slammed into the boat and Natasha just managed to get a drip on her belt before Clint slammed the throttle into its highest gear. He was ducked on the floor by the steering console for safety just as Natasha had thrown herself beneath the low walls at Clint’s advisement.

“When did you even have time to make that?” he demanded, driving blindly down the wide river.

“You’re the one who apparently knows everything,” she snapped.

“Christ, I’m sorry, alright. You weren’t cleared to know.” He paused then turned to her while Natasha huffed and took over driving. “Zero failed missions?”

“Guess again.”

“Zero like you were the original?”

“You’re not cleared, asshole.”

***

Natasha made airports her bitch with the new fresh faced S.H.I.E.L.D recruits scurrying behind her toting her luggage and a flight attendant rushing to retrieve her properly iced water. She shot Sonja a lazy wink but the other woman was too busy scowling away any potential disturbances to do anything other than reshoulder her backpack.

Clint took the lead, his reputation sending the herd of freshmen scattering in his wake of glory. Sonja quickened her steps, determined to talk to him now that the paramedics aboard their evac copter were no longer shooting him full of drugs.

“You’re not careless,” she said once she matched long legs to his abrupt stride.

“Think Nat will make them carry her?” he mused, wincing when he stopped focusing on his uneven gait.

Sonja caught under his arm and he glanced over through sleep deprived blue eyes and the tangles his cropped hair had somehow managed to tie itself into. “You gonna make me carry you?” she countered.

“I’ve got it.”

The usual airport crowd of proud mothers, blubbering fathers, and excitable kids ready to go off and make lives for themselves meandered past them. Sonja wondered what life awaited her back at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters.

“I was born there, you know. S.H.I.E.L.D that is. Born and raised. I don’t exist to our government because S.H.I.E.L.D doesn’t. I’m nothing, I’m just zero.”

“I let the Samarians follow us,” he admitted in the breath after she finished her confession.

“I know. You’re not careless. You needed a common enemy for us to get Romanov on our side.”

“I was going to apologize for ruining your original mission, but I think all of earth takes precedence. We wouldn’t have made it out of there if not for you.”

“Taking out Ma’am was my mission Clint. Yesterday was the first time I saw her in person. I spent years working my way up through the ranks only to figure out I would only ever be important to her when I betrayed her.”

“You’re welcome, then.” He leaned in when he sang it and she gave his face a shove away as they exited the building through sliding glass doors and reached a junction in the sidewalk where she would climb into the car that would carry her home and he would get in his rental and drive out to his next mission.

“How long has it been since you’ve been stateside?”

“Just four years. I haven’t been home since I was a teenager, though when I completed my training.”

“You don’t have to face those bastards, you know. I’ve got something involving lightning and a hammer waiting for me. Could use some backup I trust.”

“Sounds alpha level. I’ll leave you to it.”

He nodded, shifting his weight off his bad leg and closing the humming space between their bodies just enough for her to notice it was deliberate. Her hand shifted under the strap of her bag while she toed at some bits of loose gravel beneath her sneakers.

“Guess this is goodbye, then. Keep an eye on Nat for me, will you? She respects you.”

“Only because she was comparing me to you.”

His mouth pulled up in a smile she had grown all too accustomed to seeing regularly and had truthfully taken for granted now that he was leaving. The civil term of closer inspection crossed her mind as she leaned in further still followed by the embarrassing real word she had been searching for--a kiss.

She could not even recall the last time she had kissed someone without an ulterior motive. She expected him to politely return it or to laugh and tell her to collect herself, not for him to bite her lip and slide his lips between hers like the whole damn earth might spin off course if he did not. His hands were soft in her hair and his hand slid down tracing over her cheek so that his fingers replaced his lips when he reluctantly pulled away.

“Put a pin in that, Sonja?”

“You mean like when I pinned you? Or what I pulled the pin on the grenade?”

“No explosions and no more beating me up.” He punctuated his sentence with a rushed kiss to her forehead. “Unless we can twist those into kinky things.”

“Oh, it’s possible,” Natasha called as she strolled past and climbed into the waiting black SUV.

Sonja gave his chest a push and took two controlled steps backwards simply because if she didn’t there was no guarantee either of them would be setting out on their respective journeys today.

“Goodbye,” Sonja said.

With a wink that sent her spiraling higher than the pyres of Moscow’s finest cathedrals Clint Barton was gone.

[twiceblackvelvet]

hiii can i request a for a little joyrene angst with soulmarks please? it's up to you whether you wanna make it happy in the end or not :))

A/N; i live for joyrene angst. thank you for requesting two of my favorite things together. honestly, i ended up hurting myself with this one.

As far back as Joy can remember, the world has been obsessed with the ritual of soulmate searching. The small patch of darkened skin in the shape of building blocks on her left wrist is a reminder every day that there’s someone out there she’s supposedly destined to fall in love with. However, the symbol will only show it’s true colors whenever you’re within five meters of said person and Joy’s has remained blackened since the day she first took notice of it. Many friends, family members, and passing strangers have casually bumped into their matching symbol, and yet, she’s had no luck herself.

Of course, there are ways to narrow down the search as technology has advanced over the years. Simply snapping a picture of the unique marking and uploading it to one of the thousands of forums dedicated solely to pairing the symbols together will send you a direct match if your soulmate has done the same thing. But, the world seems to enjoy playing cruel jokes on Joy as the few she has posted to have yet to gain any form of traction whatsoever.

Dating someone besides your soulmate is heavily frowned upon in society, meaning life for those unable to find theirs is a miserable road that for many has resulted in addiction, mental health deterioration, and ultimately premature death. People who have managed to survive without their soulmates are often a source of interest for those matched up. In a cruel, twisted joke, they’re paraded around on television being interviewed for not having the perfect life everyone else seemingly does. Because if life wasn’t already difficult enough without someone to fall in love with, why not treat them as outsiders in the world?

It is said that if you don’t meet the person sharing your soul mark before the age of thirty, you’re unlikely ever to. But that isn’t an issue quite yet for Joy, there are still plenty of years ahead to find the very person who has been alluding her for way too long now.

She is stuck in a monotonous cycle, working to pay off the same bills every month that seemingly become more expensive during the day, whilst at night she roams the streets of her hometown desperately seeking another lost soul who could be the one meant for her. Many would find the entire thing more and more disillusioned the longer they search. But not Joy. For giving up would be similar to accepting a death sentence, so every morning is met with a brave smile whilst every night is met with a hopeful one that tomorrow will finally be the day she can fulfill her destiny.

As the wind whistles through the street, a cold shudder settles itself across every bone in Irene’s body. Winter has always been the most difficult time of year but it seems this one is desperate to bring about a severe decline in her already poor health. A small piece of cardboard rests beneath her frozen limbs whilst a warm coat previously belonging to a cousin she has since lost contact with is all she has to cover herself up with.

Loss is easy to accept when it’s the only card you’ve been dealt, yet losing her life is something Irene has never truly considered a possibility until recently. It was a quick downfall, her parents’ decision to date outside of their soulmate and birth children was met with hatred and she was considered a plight to humanity for being the spawn of two of the soulless. Her own marking is far more faded than anyone else’s due to her not being a full soul child making it much more difficult for anyone other than her to see. The lines have also faded with age and wishing to destroy it during her teen years. But it’s still there, a constant reminder that she’s something people fear or consider evil.

No one was willing to allow the soulless to live in their homes, thus, they adapted to lining the streets with their unwanted bodies out of sheer desperation someone one day would take pity on them. It has yet to happen and Irene has lost all hope for it ever to.

She can’t recall how long it has been since she decided to leave her family behind and venture off into the world on her own, but she knows that it was a mistake. At least with her family, there was a small amount of compassion and someone to take care of finding your next meal whenever you’re too weak to do it yourself. Life alone is bleak with no escape from your own dark thoughts.

Exhaustion quickly overtakes any and all instincts as Irene allows herself to enter the one place where she’s free to dream of a better life. A place where she isn’t homeless, struggling to stay alive and stuck with this stupid title of being soulless that doesn’t grant her the same luxuries as those who have met and fallen in love with their soulmate. Seconds before her eyes shut, Irene could have sworn she saw a little glow lighting up the building blocks on her wrist, however, her body is much too weak to remain conscious.

A purple block, green block and finally yellow. Joy’s eyes remain trained to the various different colors for several seconds before her brain finally kickstarts that her soulmate must be close. Her eyes search the seemingly deserted street desperately for anyone lingering in the darkness. However, the only companion she has is the sub-zero temperature and a cup of hot soup she prepared before leaving home.

The wind picks up slightly as she continues walking aimlessly checking every single alleyway and house window for someone, anyone. Nestled down on a doorstep Joy finally spots what looks to be a body, curled up into a ball and seemingly sleeping but what gets her attention is the not-so-bright soul mark matching her own on display on the wrist tucked under the person’s head as a pillow.

She kneels before the woman gently. Her skin is cold, pale but dirty, hair matted and stuck to her head like glue whilst her plump lips are dry, completely blue.

Joy desperately shakes the frozen stiff body, yelling for whoever this person is to wake up. Without noticing, tears have begun to fall down her cheeks and land on the girl beneath her forehead. Fluttering eyes land on Joy’s wrist as her soul mark radiates brightly and a small unsettling smile creeps across Irene’s face at the realization she wasn’t seeing things and that some unfortunate soul has been tethered to her this entire time.

The same eyes close shut once more and the smile fades. The girl who wanted nothing more in life than to find her soulmate achieved her dream. It just so happens that person is someone who represents everything bad about this system Joy had put all of her hopes into and can’t possibly be the person Joy wants her to be.

A breathless whisper is all Irene can manage before her body gives up and grants her freedom from the cold, dark world that has shunned her for years.

“You found me.”

[onlyhereforangst]

4, 7, 18, 25, 28 and 49

4. What is your favourite genre to write for?

Sofia- is this a real question? angssssssst baby, all day & all night 😈

7. When is your preferred time to write?

Honestly, whenever I actually *have* time. It’s quite rare nowadays with a husband that works from home & a growing toddler, so whenever I get me time that’s my preferred time 😂It used to be while I was pumping at work though! It was a wonderful distraction from being a cow at a dairy farm daily 🙃

18. Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

Ok one major one comes to mind because there are several series that I do plan on finishing & I have general plotlines thought out. But Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince was a series I’ve since abandoned. Not sure it will always stay like that (@wanna-be-bold may hate me if I don’t get back to it), but when I wrote it I was super pumped about it. Loved the premise, loved my writing in it, loved the song that inspired it, but sadly I’m human & when no one else got as excited for it as I was, it sent a little black cloud over that idea. All motivation and excitement vanished into thin air with the lack of response, & thus I abandoned that storyline. 

25. Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Very, very few times have I actually, truly cried. Pretty sure it’s only been twice- the first with Completely Yours (even though I *knew* the ending would be happy but writing that letter got me hard) & the second Here By Faith (specifically ch 2) from the deeply personal story it’s based off. 

28. What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

Oooh the only thing that comes to mind is not being affected by the lack of kudos & comments. Which is so so so hard, but in order to at least start- you can’t let the lack of traction get to you. It’s so important to just write to write- release your feelings to the void, no matter what response you get. Your writing is an expression of your inner most thoughts, and truly the only person’s opinion that matters of said thoughts- is you.

49. Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can’t remember the first one & its plotline 😭 but I know it was @hellokaelyn! It was from before I had tumblr & I followed the @torresandbishop page on twitter. I kept seeing these posts that made zero sense on twitter (Naomi reblogging Britt’s links for stories) because the post just didn’t translate well over on twitter, so I ignored them for the longest time. Finally one day I said what the hell & checked out this “hellokaelyn” person and my life was forever changed ❤️❤️

[dearreaderbisexual]

Dear Tumblr

This post probably isn't going to get any traction; hell, I have zero followers. I mean, who knows if I’ll even end up posting this entry in the first place. Nevertheless, here it is:

I am bisexual. 

Ever since I was young, I’ve always been intrigued by girls. *insert stereotypical locker room staring, consciously looking away at my friends in pools, admiring other girls beauty, etc* When me and my friends spent our sleepovers texting on Omegle (naive idea), I always urged to search out other girls. Or, in second grade, when my friend shared  an “adult website” with me ( that her older, male cousin showed her which is - alarming ), I kept wanting to go back to the videos with just girls. But, I never thought much of it. Anyways, I like guys. This lust for other girls is something every straight girl feels, right? RIGHT? 

As I grew older, this attraction grew even stronger, to something I couldn’t quite resist, no matter how hard I tried. Actually, I vividly remember the first time I linked my “admiration” of fellow women to sexual attraction, and, more importantly, that sexual attraction to myself. When I was in fifth ( ish ?? ) grade, I became aware of the word bisexual, and, one night, out of the blue I thought to myself, “What if I was bisexual?” Something about that just felt right. However, me being the naive, young child that I was, I quickly snapped out of it and pushed it to the back of my brain so it could be repressed for another few years. 

My serious questioning of my sexuality began around eighth grade. As a few of my friends began confessing their feelings (of the gay type), and I made new friends that were openly LGBTQ+, I began to deeply analyze the feeling that were buried deep inside. Now, it’s too late at night and I’m too lazy to thoroughly recount my questioning process right at this moment, but after about one and a half years I have concluded with this: I am pretty sure I like girls. However, there is one problem: I have never kissed anyone, not a boy or a girl. 

Now I’ve heard all that bullshit of “If you know you know” or “If your questioning your probably gay” and I believe it, but, deep down, I feel like I can’t be sure until I actually “do it.” That sounds like some biphobic bullshit that people tell you when you come out along with the phrase “It’s just a phase.”

“It’s just a phase” has a strong hold on me. Those four words are a huge part of why I’m so scared to come out because, if I do end up being straight ( which is some hella internalized homophobia ) I don’t want to feed into the stereotype. I don’t want to make it harder for future bisexual individuals to come out and be faced with that hateful phrase ( of course sexuality is fluid and if you go through phases you are completely valid it’s just that I feel unnecessary shame in it for myself ). All I want is to feel validated enough in my own emotions and sexuality to share that part of myself with my friends and family.

Two years from beginning to question my sexuality to now has taken its toll on me. I feel isolated from my loved ones and get anxious when the topic of dating ever comes up. The worst part is that I have no one to talk to. The closest I’ve come to “coming out” is: in eighth grade I got a diary, and, when my mom questioned me about it, I broke down crying, to which responded with asking if I was gay. I told her I thought I might be bisexual. Her and my father thought I might have confused by media ( I had seen Love, Simon a few weeks prior). About a week or so later, when they questioned me about the incident, I said I was “feeling extremely heterosexual.” They still think I’m straight. 

Next, a not-so-emotional story. When I was at overnight camp, we had a night where addicts came and told us their stories and what not ( sounds dramatic, but it’s actually a very fun camp that I will be returning to in a few days ). At the end of the night, we did an activity where we wrote our insecurities and the counselors read them out loud. When my friend asked me what I wrote, I had a brief pause before confessing “I think I’m bi.” Her “Ok” and hug made me feel like a small relief. I was still carrying a lot of self loathing and denial, but at least I had a bit of a release.

Finally, my most recent anecdote: now a freshman in high school, I was making new friends, including two queer girls I met while working on the spring musical. Let’s call them A and B. A would always tell me I gave her “gay vibes” to which I always laughed and brushed it off. But, one night we were sitting in a circle talking when B said “So I’m bi, *pointing to A* your a lesbian, and your straight.” A says “You know ____, I think you might be kinda gay.” *insert gay panic and a very long pause* “Yeah, I think I’m bi.” For the last few days of that show we talked about girls and sexuality, which made me feel very free. However, it’s always been I think, not I am. 

But now, I think I’m ready. I think I’m ready to say, “I am bisexual.” In a couple days, I want to tell my friend ( the girl from the camp story ). We’ll see if I chicken out, but I want to come out. I need to come out.

I don’t know who will see this or even read this lengthy mess of an entry, but thank you. Thank you for allowing me to get out something that I’ve been hiding for so long. Thank you for hearing me say, “I am bisexual.”

[vorthosjay]

GDS 3 Essay Response

In case anyone was interested, I entered the GDS. Since others seem to be posting their essays, I figured I might as well too.

If you made last night’s deadline, good luck!

1. Introduce yourself and explain why you are a good fit for this internship.

My name is Jay Annelli. I work in Emergency Management [Note, I’ve redacted more info about myself here].  As part of my job, I’m expected to deal with unexpected events at any given time and develop creative solutions to problems under severe time and financial constraints. This usually means working collaboratively in cross-cutting teams to create the best possible outcome, whether it’s a plan, a process, or the response to an event. I strongly value collaborative working environments and the pit sounds like exactly the kind of place I would thrive.

Because of my work in Emergency Management, I work well in stressful environments and roll pretty easily with sudden shifts in priorities. For instance, last year I was given five weeks to move our entire 30,000 square foot warehouse operation, a project that should have had months to plan instead had weeks. I’m used to projects being suddenly cancelled or having to re-work them from the ground up based on new directives with little time. But those same experiences have given me the skills to sell projects to senior leadership, and with government work I know how to slowly get traction for an idea while completing competing priorities.

I’ve always been a jack-of-all-trades, and thrive in positions where I have a lot of different kinds of tasks to complete. I’ve got experience in everything from legislative analysis to warehouse logistics.  And I love Magic, and have turned my hobby – passion about the lore – into a paying freelance gig. The reality is I’m not going to be the best designer ever, but you don’t need great designers because you’re not working in a vacuum, you need people who can come together and make great design teams. I’m an experienced leader and manager and work well in team environments where I can complement my teammate’s skills. More so, I recognize the process through which work gets completed is often more important than the skills of the individuals performing the work. R&D has gone through some fairly major organization shake-ups lately, and it would be my hope to help continue to improve processes.

2. An evergreen mechanic is a keyword mechanic that shows up in (almost) every set. If you had to make an existing keyword mechanic evergreen, which one would you choose and why?

Storm! Because NOTHING could possibly go wrong with that idea…

In all seriousness, Dash is such a quintessentially red mechanic that I’d like to see it appear more often. There aren’t a whole lot of current mechanics that would make good evergreen mechanics, but cards like Ball Lightning and its kin were a staple of Magic for years. Red is all about short-term thinking and temporary gains, or making moves before the outcome is determined. While Impulse Draw has been a great way to try and overcome Red’s weaknesses, there’s still pretty clearly more work that can be done. Giving Red access to low cost but temporary creature spells really plays into the same flavor for red. It also gives the player a choice when combined with Red’s traditional looting. Do you cast the creature permanently at a slightly overcosted mana cost? Or do you keep it in hand and for fuel for your later game looting effects, like Cathartic Reunion?

Existing Dash cards focused on the ability to have surprise cheap attackers, with one or two covering Enter the Battlefield effects. What I think would be interesting are abilities that punish or reward the use of Dash versus hard casting. For example, if a Dash dealt damage to its owner when it returned to its owner’s hand, or included a more powerful “at the beginning of your upkeep” ability if the player manages to hard cast it. I would argue that it could be pushed into more colors than Red and Black, as long as the abilities involved were representative of the colors.

3. If you had to remove evergreen status from a keyword mechanic that is currently evergreen, which one would you remove and why?

Defender! I’m actually surprised that defender is still around after all of these years, as it’s by far the least useful keyword ability. Now, the idea itself is fine, but with ‘unblockable’ no longer a keyword, it doesn’t make sense to me that its counterpart hasn’t been similarly de-keyworded. One of the biggest problems I see with it is that the game places all sorts of conditional “this creature can’t attack” restrictions on cards, but none of them use defender. For instance, why wouldn’t River Serpent have defender, when for all intents and purposes it has conditional Defender? Magic doesn’t keyword “can’t block”, either. Defender has gotten a little bit of “Defender tribal” in some sets, but I’m not sure there are any cases where the use of ‘Defender’ is advantageous over simply saying the creature can’t attack. There are a handful of cards that care about creatures with defender, but a switch in the wording might make them even more useful, if you concentrate on creatures who can’t attack.

Besides the templating issues I mentioned, I just don’t think the keyword is needed to accomplish the intended effect most of the time. Most of the time creatures with defender seem to just be intended to be solid blockers, and the circumstance in which someone is going to be attacking with a creature that has zero power are rare enough that I’m not sure why Kinjalli’s Caller can get away without defender but a Pride Guardian needs it. In some case, creatures with defender have evasion and there might be an issue with abilities that can actually give them power, but in those cases simply giving them the ability to block the evasion (like if Wall of Air had reach instead of flying) removes most of their attacking potential, anyway. And in those few cases where an aggressively costed creature is necessary, “This creature can’t attack” doesn’t take up much more card space than “Defender”, which usually gets its own line on the template anyway.

4. You're going to teach Magic to a stranger. What's your strategy to have the best possible outcome?

If I had an optimal environment, I would stack two decks that allowed the game play out in a mostly scripted fashion, slowly introducing concepts over the course of a game, with the game playing out in favor of the person I was teaching. I would start with the pre-game basics: explain the library and graveyard, and have us both drawn seven cards, keeping our hands revealed. I would explain the most important parts of a card: the artwork and flavor text. Wait. I want them to have the best outcome… so instead I might explain casting costs and card types. The new player’s expectation is ‘What do I do?’, so I show them the land, and how tapping the lands allows you to pay for the other cards. Ideally I’d have one-drop that the new player could cast to feel some satisfaction on their first turn. This would go back and forth, with each turn explaining a new card type.

If I’m being honest, I’m stealing this from the 7th Edition tutorial, which had you play a scripted game out against the computer while learning each part of the game. The Duels of the Planeswalkers games fulfilled a similar function, and I’m the living embodiment of that Onion joke about someone explaining the rules to a game and insisting it will be fun. So if I REALLY wanted the best possible outcome, I’d get hired by Wizards of the Coast and sketch out a plan for a contemporary update of that 7th Edition Tutorial, maybe even a short web game, which I believe also existed once, so that there’s a consistent learning environment available so people don’t have to rely on potentially not-great teachers to know the game.

5. What is Magic's greatest strength and why?

Magic’s greatest strength is its versatility. It’s amazing that there are over a half-dozen ways to play and that there’s a huge Magic fandom that’s all over the map when it comes to gameplay. The framework on which the game was build is so adaptable that I was seriously playing kitchen table magic for years before I even learned there were more formats than just casual. Most of those more competitive formats just don’t appeal to me (although I recognize their value and find them interesting). Other major competitors, like Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, or Hearthstone, just don’t have that. Their frameworks, in some way or another, pidgeon hole them into specific playstyles. As much as Magic’s extensive rules cause me consternation, I know they’re the building block that makes everything else work. Whereas in Magic it just means an idea needs some creative problem solving to come to fruition, other games don’t have that extensive framework and thus don’t provide players with the same layers of choices.

Versatility allows choice, and choice is the key to a fun game. You want to allow enough that players can get creative. The same card can be used in entirely different ways even in the same format. It’s something that’s always fascinated me about the competitive scene. And then between formats, the card has entirely different value. I wish this answer felt like more just vomiting back things I’ve read on the Mothership for the last decade or so, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

6. What is Magic's greatest weakness and why?

Magic’s greatest weakness is its complexity. In the last answer I talked about how the rules are an extensive framework from which a lot of different games are built, but they can also be a huge barrier to entry. Complexity is a good thing, but Magic sometimes has far too much complexity for its own good. Even learning how to parse the Magic jargon is a challenge. In my career in Emergency Management, one of the major tenets of Incident Command is to avoid acronyms and jargon, because they’re hugely cultural and often feel like learning an entirely new language.

That’s not just limited to how people and players talk about the game, but how the game talks about itself. Keyword abilities are probably the most difficult. There are dozens of evergreen keywords alone, from activate to vigilance, that a new player needs to learn as a baseline before they can even start to parse deciduous mechanics, and then set-specific mechanics. Most Magic players who engage online have long forgotten what a barrier that is, which of course creates a disconnect between new and established players. And Magic players aren’t always the most patient, so when you sit a newby who still has to ask basic questions all the time, a single negative player is going to hurt their interest level.

Most of Magic’s players aren’t engaged online or at tournaments. They play at home like I used to do, and they buy packs from sets that look cool. I had no idea Kamigawa wasn’t a resounding success until I actively engaged online. To me, it was the cool plane of Samurai. When they open a pack and it has abilities with no reminder text, that’s a distraction from the game. Stopping to look something up online costs time and goodwill, which inevitable costs players.

7. What Magic mechanic most deserves a second chance (aka which had the worst first introduction compared to its potential)?

Level Up honestly has a special place in my heart, and I can’t help but feel that there’s a whole lot of space left untapped there. I think too many of the Level Up cards didn’t make each level feel important, and I think Monstrosity stole a little bit of its thunder. One of my biggest issue with it is that each level didn’t feel like a tangible benefit. I would probably change it look more like a Monstrosity variant, a place to sink larger amounts of mana to get a progressively more impressive creature. This would especially be useful as Monstrosity has some major flavor limitations. The template seemed to have been Figure of Destiny, but I don’t think any of the existing Level Up cards capture that quite in the same way as Warden of the First Tree. Warden of the First Tree could easily have a Level Up cost of {1}{w/b} and be a very similar card (although not exactly the same).

Sets like Ixalan that need some low cmc mana sinks could instead use a mechanic like Level Up. The original flavor was meant as a nod to Zendikar’s Dungeons and Dragons “Adventure World” theme, but it could easily be expanded beyond that. There seems to be design space, like with Monstrosity, to the actual ‘Leveling Up’ process. None of the current crop use one time effects upon reach certain levels, and that seems like a great way to make each level interesting for commons and uncommons with the mechanic without them all being Warden of the First Tree levels of power or complexity.

8. Of all the Magic expansions that you've played with, pick your favorite and then explain the biggest problem with it.

I would pick Return to Ravnica, although the biggest problem is the same as the original Ravnica block. With the ten guilds, the blocks tried to do too much, and failed to make all ten guild mechanics equally satisfying. There’s a lot of nostalgic love for those sets, but honestly I think the new set paradigm is going to be far better for any future Ravnica blocks. There just aren’t ten equally interesting mechanics to go around, and at least three of the guilds felt weak because of it. Return’s biggest problem is that it introduced new mechanics when it didn’t really need to, or used mechanics with limited design space to replace mechanics with equally limited space. Not every guild needs a keyword mechanic to be engaging, and in fact I would say most don’t, especially the guilds more focused on creatures, like Boros or Gruul, that could get by with some interesting effects on various cards but whose most interesting cards rarely seem to use their mechanic - or don’t need it to be a keyword mechanic.

Conservation of space is obviously going to be an issue as we start returning to planes like Ravnica a third, fourth, or even fifth time. You can’t burn through ideas at the rate that Ravnica has been if you’re going to still have something interesting for future returns. Ravnica is a lot of fun and a very satisfying place to set a product, but I think re-using other well liked mechanics  rather than constantly trying to come up with new ones will by far serve design better.

9. Of all the Magic expansions that you've played with, pick your least favorite and then explain the best part about it.

Born of the Gods I would have to say is at least one of my least favorite sets, although it’s hard to say the definitive least favorite. Heroic and Inspired are two of my least favorite mechanics ever. But I really love the world of Theros and I think from a flavor standpoint, and the use of Bestow in Born of the Gods was stellar. It showed what the evolution of a mechanic in a second set should be, with cards like Eidolon of Countless Battles being particularly potent as both a creature and an aura. Most of the Bestow cards in Born of the Gods are simple designs that take advantage of the premise to create solid effects that work both as creatures and auras. The best designs don’t need to be fancy, they just need to make the most of a mechanic.

But the real reason I picked Bestow is because of Chromanticore, which to me exemplifies what makes Magic fun. Sure, there are more competitive cards out there, but for the casual player nothing captures the imagination more than a card like Chromanticore. Chromanticore is a big, splashy creature that demands you build around it. It has a soup of abilities that would make it appealing as a creature on it’s own, but the chance to cast it as an aura is incredibly tempting. Every set needs a card like Chromanticore that’s shiny for the casual crowd and may even entice a few more competitive players to build around it.

10. You have the ability to change any one thing about Magic. What do you change and why?

Mark Rosewater’s “Sorceries with Flash” instead of Instants really appeals to me, but I suppose he’s written about that so much that I would again just be regurgitating things I’ve read about the game online. So let’s expand on this in a way I’m not sure I’ve seen before, and talk about how to reorganize how things are typed. Supertypes always seem like a waste to me. Legendary Artifact Creatures or Legendary Enchantment Creatures usually mean the the sub-type (aka the good stuff, if you’re like me) can only support one type, maybe two if both are very short words. I’m not sure there’s really a good reason that can’t be represented some other way, either in a different frame (Legends are supposed to be different and special, after all) or with some other kind of symbolism on the card.

The sorceries with flash idea sounds really good on paper, but we get back into the issue of jargon, and another word new players have to learn. I would instead make Instant a subtype of Sorcery, opening up a few new avenues. You could also have ‘interrupt’ sorceries, that can only be cast in response to something. That’s an element of the game that was streamlined for good reason, but could open up some new design possibilities. I like otherwise how Enchantments are handled these days, so it’s really reworking supertypes and sorceries that I would change if I could change how types work. The legends issue has implications for tribal decks, so I think that’s what I would focus on, as it seems the most achievable.

[lilpootworldtour]

Saturday 11/21/2020 Roswell, NM - Las Cruces, NM

First we woke up. We were very excited because we had left over dominos. I do not know if we ate any because we ate too much the night before, but we had lava cakes. Boy oh boy, it was yummy. Okay, so then, first stop on our trip out of Roswell. Donuts. We had donuts. Roswell donuts. We got one Bear Claw, One Apple Fritter, One Chocolate, One Chocolate Glaze with sprinkles. The Bear Claw was on recommendation from the worker bee, all very good, Bear claw was clear winner, glad she recommended it. Yeast based donut: not quite as good as Krispy Kreme, but still top tier. Second stop was hotly debated, we definitely wanted coffee but did not know where from. Based purely off of yelp reviews, positive yelp reviews I might add, and niche appeal, we decided to go to Perk ’N Jerk coffee and Jerkey emporium. When we got there, oh boy did we realize we were in for an experience. There was not a soul around except for a 90’s ford station wagon in the condition you’d expect parked right in front of the front door. Naturally, you would think it was a customer, but when we walked up and didn’t see anyone inside, we realized the owner was the type of person who owns a business and parks in the closest parking spot either not expecting anyone to come so no need to leave it open or he wants to claim it first, who knows. He welcomed us in and asked us what we wanted, we responded with “A Perk and Jerk please.” His flavor board had two sides to it. We were confused and thought that only one side was jerky, so we only ordered salt and pepper jerky. We asked if he had any other jerkies, maybe something hot, and he said, “The board has two sides to it, the other side is spicy.” So we also got red pepper, which was literally just red pepper flakes on jerky. After receiving our order, he went to retrieve the jerk. He went into the back and brought large Tupperware storage containers out and placed them on the table in the middle of the room. He then grabbed a box of quart sized zip locks, a zip lock full of labels, and a sharpie. He straighten up a food scale that was on the table and zeroed it. When he opened the first Tupperware, we were able to see a sea of jerky which he grabbed a hand full of and placed on the scale. After getting the desired weight by adding and removing tears of meat, he sealed the bag, slapped a label on, and scribbled the date. He did the same with the second jerky. After getting the jerky bagged and tagged, he asked if we were interested in any coffee. Upon entering, we both felt that we did not want to buy any coffee from the joint, but when asked point blank, we panicked! Hannah got an iced coffee and I got a hot coffee. He asked us about our trip plans while preparing our coffee and we told him our next stop was White Sands. He muttered something under his breath that made us feel like he didn’t think too highly of our trip and began giving us a few suggestions of his own. One being to go to an Airplane museum that had a legitimate plane of a certain, very specific model. I asked about the plane, to get a better idea of what to visualize, and he must of thought I wasn’t worth anymore of his time because he replied with a change of subject. He handed us our coffee, we paid, and we were on our way. While we were waiting for our coffee and Jerky, we took in the ambiance he made by putting up pictures of army things and his “Will return soon” signs. You can see these arts in the photos. After leaving Perk and Jerk we got on the road heading west on the way to White Sands National Park. Starting some point around Wyoming, during our last trip, as we drove through the rolling west of open land, I couldn’t help but imagine myself riding along beside the camper in cowboy boots, wranglers, very cool cowboy style shirt, bandana/bolo, and cowboy hat - full gallop on the back of a stallion I broke all on my lonesome and consider to be my best pardner. By the time we were west of Wyoming I knew if I saw a nice pair of cowboy boots or cowboy hat I was going to buy them regardless of any practicality post trip. I never found the little genuine cowboy store I was expecting in any of the one stop sign towns we drove through via country back roads so I just kept hoping and looking and as we spent time back in Wilmington with Lil Poot in the shop those desires kept floating further and further to the back of my mind. Those thoughts and desires, though, never fully disappeared, and when we made It to Texas they rushed back into my heart like a tornado and I couldn’t drive for being blinded by a flurry of images of me riding horses, roping cattle, riding full gallop chasing bandits with a six shooter in each hand one firing straight to my chase and one firing behind me at my chaser. I must have blacked out or passed out or just plain fell asleep, for I woke up to Hannah shaking me saying “David! Wake up!” I snapped out of the most realistic reality where I was defending a train car from a robbery with TNT exploding all around me, and worse, exploded the on coming bridge. We only had 15 seconds to get all 250 passengers off the train before we were all taking the express elevator down the 700’ cliff and, I am sorry, but no stops between or getting off, this is the express elevator. Right as the engine started to drop and the wheels of the last train car left the tracks, only a dozen passengers managed to jump off the train prior, their fate unknown. I started calming the people in my car telling them we were on our way to Dairy Queen and everyone is going to get a free Sundae, knowing full well I didn’t have enough gold and silver for five sundaes. My eyes opened and I saw Hannah for the first time in what felt like years. I started to smile as Hannah pointed to her right, which led my gaze to the on coming tractor trailer who must have gotten in my lane after I fell asleep and became a sheriff. I soon realized I had drifted in to their lane so I perked up and jerked the wheel to the right making all six wheels squeal and smoke till we were over the double yellows and I was yanking the wheel to the left in hope of correction, locking the e- brake, down shifting, sliding back, gassing it, gaining traction, and we were back on track, in the right lane, going 50. After being on the road for an hour or two post Perk and Jerk Hannah spotted a store called Frank English’s Custom Boots and we both knew we had to pull in! We pulled back hard on Lil Poot’s reins, then to the right, guiding the good steed to Frank English’s hitching post. After putting Poot in park, we found our masks, wallets, sense of direction, and headed inside. During the short walk from the camper to the door, I imagined all sorts of awesome boots we were soon to see and how difficult it will be to choose just one pair to buy leading us both to walk out of the store cash poor and boot rich. After entering, as soon as our eyes adjusted to the light, we saw that we were not in the boot emporium we expected and that we allowed our desires to lead us astray once again. Frank English politely put down the boot he was working on and asked how he could help. I sheepishly explained how we were expecting an emporium of ready made boots and how I have been dreaming of being a cowboy recently with Hannah supporting me through the whole confession. Frank took it easy and told us we could go up the street to a store that sold lame boots and we were almost out the door when he asked us to halt and listen to what we should look for when buying boots. He then captivated us for an hour using a spare boot as a prop, pointing to various parts and explaining what to look for in a good boot. He then put the boot down, with a loving last look and feel, turned his attention to us, and asked about who we were and where in the world we were coming from. We obliged, telling how we left New York during the pandemic, headed down to NC to live in our parent’s abodes before buying an RV and hitting the road. He cut in a few times with his own stories of living in NYC, moving around, and suggestions for us as we head west. One of those suggestion being Silver City NM where he used to live and where there is a neat coffee shop in the arts district called Tranquil Buzz owned by Dale. With heavy hearts we said our good byes and tootalous, headed back to Lil Poot, who was shuffling his tires in the dirt and humming rock ballads, loaded up, and got back on the road. As we continued on towards White Sands, we looked at each other and decided we should have bought boots from Frank. With this decision we talked about turning around, but decided on looking him up instead, maybe we could talk about the buying process first. Hannah found an article on him and read aloud, boy, Frank is COOL. I will include the article somewhere in this post. After learning about Frank, and driving some more, we made it to White Sands National Park. We took a right off the highway, like everyone else coming from the east, headed down the one road weaving between the white dunes. We saw the road turned from asphalt to salt, the main component of these dunes, so we pulled off at the pull off just before the change. From there, we got out to stretch our legs, decided to return tomorrow and bike down the gypsum salt road but enjoy the short boardwalk here since the sun will be setting soon. We walked along the board walk reading the info signs as we went, learning about the mice and lizards that adapted to live in the dunes as well as the insane life story this once lake told scientists of how the world used to be and how it was once a youthful, fun body of water looking for a good time, not worried about all its salt flying around. After returning to Lil Poot, this time he was hunched over in the corner of the parking lot with his back to the sun, head shadowing his gameboy trying his hardest to beat Misty with out taking the proper amount of time to train his Pokemon, got inside and headed west to our BLM land campsite near Las Cruces. After finding our camp site and getting the camper ready for parked mode, we hung Christmas lights below the cabinets and around the ceiling while listening to Christmas music. After playing with the lights some, they have different modes, one of which reacts to music, we settle on leaving the colored lights, under the cabinets, on solid and let the white lights, our crown molding, dance to the music. Hannah started boiling hot water for Hot Toddies and David probably looked at his instagram feed, soon both were drinking hot toddies and crafting.

https://www.taosnews.com/opinion/columns/know-your-neighbor-frank-english/article_e50ba70e-48ce-5371-91f1-7a1c7cc19e14.html

[lexacourtney]

If you told me even last year that 2020 would reignite the Twilight and The Hunger Games fandoms, I would have thought you were joking.

With the announcement of Midnight Sun (tbh I wish it had been The Host 2) and the release of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, I got to thinking. Memories from my high school years started resurfacing. Going to midnight premiers, reading the books, fangirling with friends over the characters. I started remembering my two best friends at the time, our sleepovers, our hangouts, mid night movie premiers and all the other moments we shared for years.

It’s weird thinking back on those moments, since we’re no longer the best friends we used to be. It’s also kind of sad, and probably a reason why I wasn’t super excited when the news for Midnight Sun first dropped. It’s hard to be super excited for something that you initially shared with two important people at such a formative time in our lives.

My friends that I shared Twilight and Hunger Games with – (I’m going to call them “L” and “K” since they asked me to not use their names but gave me permission to use some photos) – were two of the first people to befriend me when I moved to the states. We grew close quickly and did everything with each other. Unfortunately, we rarely talk anymore, and have grown apart and I think it’s sad and I really wish we hadn’t. But, we’re not here to discuss how friendships can end. We’re here to reminisce about an era that define so many of us, jumpstarted the YA genre as we know it, and brought so many people together.

So, let’s start with Twilight, since that was popular before Hunger Games.

Twilight was such a formative part of my journey into reading the way I do now. But it wasn’t always. I first heard a friend talking about it in 8th grade. I think that was the first year it really started to gain traction and popularity despite being out for 2 years. I’m pretty sure we were sitting in a US history class, and she was telling me all about this vampire book she was reading, how good it was, and how I should read it.

I turned my nose up at the mention of ‘vampire’ and I’m pretty sure I told her that I wouldn’t read a stupid vampire book.

Boy did I ever eat my own words.

I don’t remember what exactly prompted me to finally pick up Twilight, but I was in 9th grade, it was a long Halloween weekend, and I binge read the entire series. I had my dad make multiple trips to Barnes and Nobles (thankfully there is one right across the street!) to buy each next book, and by the time I was back in school, I’d downed the whole series.

I don’t really remember how my two friends got into the books, I vaguely remember convincing L, and we would go to her house, put a DiGiorno Cheese Stuffed Crust Pizza in her oven, and sit on the floor of her kitchen reading. As for K, I don’t remember how she got into the series, whether it was me, or she picked it up on her own. When we were best friends, she was an avid reader, so she might’ve found it herself. But we bonded and became closer through our love (borderline obsession) with the series. I remember going over to their houses and we would just sit and read the books. We’d print off pictures of the cast from various photo shoots and tape them to our walls. Probably like most teenage girls, we quickly became obsessed. K had this puffy makeup brush that had glitter in the handle, and we’d brush that fine sparkly glitter all over ourselves. At one point, I even swapped out my shampoo for a strawberry scented one.

Then the movies started coming out. We always bought our tickets early – I still have all of mine.  L, K and I made t-shirts for the first two Twilight movies…okay my mom made them since we just used iron on paper and put pictures of the cast on the front and a quote on the back. We arrived at movie theaters, like 2 hours early to guarantee us good seats – this was before reserved seating, and before 5PM showings the day before, became the new midnight premiers.

We would have photo shoots in the movie theater halls. We would get there so early that they wouldn’t have a designated area for a line, and we were always first. We’d goof off and talk excitedly about the movie.

We were Twihards and we were about to see the movie version of our favorite books. I unfortunately only have 1 photo from the Twilight Premier due to an external hard drive accident in 2010. I’m bummed that any photos we took together were lost, but we more than made up for it at the New Moon premier.

At some point in our Twilight crazed days, K ended up with an Edward doll that would sit on her bookshelf next to a brown paper wolf. My bedroom walls were covered in posters, magazine clippings, and L’s bedroom walls had some drawings a different friend did of the cast. I showed them both HillyWood’s Twilight Parodies (if you haven’t seen them yet, you’re missing out) and we fell deeper into the franchise. Honestly, I don’t want to know wha I spent on Twilight Merch.

Where you Team Edward, or Team Jacob?

I was solidly Team Jacob – I definitely had a crush on Taylor Lautner when I was younger. Though I think I’d prefer to be a vamp if it came down to it. The movies came out each fall of High School, with the final one coming out my first semester of college. That plot twist in the final one – yeah, the whole theater erupted. We would make count downs in our agenda books for the premier. It’s been quite a few years since then, so I don’t remember as much, but my friends and I went and saw all of the premiers – or tried to. We were all at different colleges for the last one, so that made things a little difficult.

While the Twilight movies were still being released, another series gained popularity. The Hunger Games! I read THG in 2012 and fell in love with the series. It’s another one that I binge read in a weekend. I don’t remember if L and K were as into THG as I was, but I’m a massive sucker for science fiction/dystopian books. So, I devoured this trilogy and fell in love with it.

My memories for this series aren’t as engrained or easy to dig up. These books came to me right as I was finishing high school and the movies premiered while I was in college. While I definitely was swept up in the phenomena that this series created, i didn’t have the same bonding experience with it, with friends. at least not in the way I did with Twilight.

Friends went with me to the premiers – another friend, we’ll call her A, went with me. It was midnight on a school night, she had just performed in a theater production for our high school (hence the face pain in the photo). I think we left that theater around 2 and had to be at school by 7:15am the next morning. That Friday was rough. Really rough. We wore shirts that we had made to the premier – this was back in the days were I actually used puffy paint to design various shirts.

At this point my walls were void of Twilight and had been taken over by new posters. I had the Katniss and Gale posters. Katniss hung on my bedroom door, and Gale hung by my bed. Please don’t judge me lol. I had a few other posters as well. I even taught myself how to French braid, so I could learn how to Dutch braid, just to be able to do Katniss’ braid. I have a mockingjay pin and was even Katniss one year handing out candy. I very well might’ve been more obsessed with THG than Twilight. God, I wanted to be Katniss so badly.

And fun fact, the location set for District 12 in the first movie is in North Carolina – when he was a kid, my grandfather used to go there and play/hang out with friends. Some details of my recollection of his story might be off, but he knew the location that they shot at because he’d been there as a child, having grown up in North Carolina.

Where you Team Peeta or Team Gale?

I had a massive crush on Liam Hemsworth, so I was Team Gale. Now I’m solidly Team Peeta, but younger me was dumb. Peeta is obviously the superior choice, but damn if I don’t still find Liam attractive LOL.

What can I say?

I remember the excitement for each new movie – when the trailers dropped, the new movie posters. I even did portraits of Katniss, Gale and Peeta for a Senior Art Project in high school. My teacher liked it so much that she put it on display for the Senior Art Wall. I had to explain to her multiples times who the faces belonged to, but she liked the study of light and contrast.

2008-2015 was the time of YA adaptations. Between Twilight, Hunger Games, Divergent, Maze Runner, etc. book nerds had the pick of what they could be obsessed with.

With the release and upcoming release of these two books, it brought back a bunch of memories. Fond memories of good times with friends. Hell, simpler times. There was a different energy back then, everyone came together for a series of books – both were household names. You might not have read the books, but chances were you knew someone who had. I miss the energy of midnight premiers and walking into to school to gush about the series with your friends.

Oaky…maybe not so much the school part but seeing your friends every day.

We get the occasional movie adaptation, or tv show, but there really isn’t that same energy that filled everyone. There really hasn’t been this collective phenomenon since the days of YA dystopia adaptations. I think we’re high time due a resurgence. Vamps are coming back to the genre, outside of this new Twilight book, so, maybe!

I haven’t quite made up my mind if I’m going to read either of these two new releases. I’m kind of over Twilight and don’t really have any desire to revisit it. I’ll forever be grateful for what it did for the YA genre, but I kinda just want to leave my memories as they are. I don’t want to inadvertently tarnish them.

As for the new THG book, I have like zero desire to read about Snow, but people have been really enjoying it, so maybe one day in the future.

So, this post is incredibly long, and if you’ve made it this far, thank you for sticking it out. I guess I got a little lost in remembering good times. It’s funny, I started this post on Tuesday and sat down to write it. I didn’t expect it to be hard or this time consuming. I texted L and K to see if they were okay with me using photos and I actually chatted with K for the first time in a year, maybe? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t really miss them. I miss just being able to talk with them. Then, that night I had a dream that we had gotten together to reminisce about our Twilight days, and when I woke up, I was so disoriented. It felt so real, and then I was in an emotional funk for the rest of the day. But now, it’s taken me hours longer than I thought it would to do this post, due to getting lost down memory lane.

Writing this post was a lot of fun, despite some of the bumps I hit along the way. I think it’s interesting to look back and see where we were when Twilight and/or Hunger Games was a part of our lives. For the most part, it seems like it was a huge part of most readers lives. So, here’s my request to you – think of this whole post as an unofficial tag “tag”- if you feel inclined, share your memories/a memory of how either of these series were a part of your life!

Did you go to premiers? Whose Team were you on? etc.

There are no formal questions – so just write and share whatever you feel like.

I “tag” whoever wants to do this Nostalgia post – and if you do this, please let me know! I’d love to read your posts, see your memories if you include pictures. Let’s reminisce about vampires, werewolves and two tributes who would rather eat berries than be entertainment for the rich.

        Nostalgia – Twilight & The Hunger Games Unofficial Tag - what are your memories? #newpost #blogpost #bookpost #bookblog #books #blog #blogger #bloggerswanted #bloggerstribe #bloggingcommunity #bookish If you told me even last year that 2020 would reignite the Twilight and The Hunger Games fandoms, I would have thought you were joking.

[taehyungsgrowl]

i've always been transparent with that i have to say on here and i'm sure people who've followed me for a long time can attest to this, but i didn't have ill intentions with it at all.

i do feel like it gave people the opportunity to voice their opinions about me that i felt weren't true to who i am.

i think there is a misconception that if you've been here for a long time you're automatically a "big" blog and that isn't always the case

the whole decline in interaction/reblogs/likes/etc. is not just something newer blogs face - it's just a reality of a dying fandom.

you asked if all that was gone, if i'd still come back and truthfully it is something that is already happening. pieces of work that i adore (very niche at that) get hardly any traction, but it makes me happy to post regardless of the zero notes.

i cant speak for every writer, i can only speak on what i know and my own experiences. i keep hearing that i don't care about ghost readers bc of the size of my blog - but that's not it for me.

i saw speaking to one of my friends earlier and she made a really good point on the whole "new" vs "old" writers dilemma - we're all here for the same reasonings.

the reason i made the post was because people, the "ghost readers" felt the environment on felt hostile / tiring because of the constant posts shaming them for not reblogging.

never meant to be deeper than that.

and i do appreciate the way you explained yourself! i hope you have a nice night!!

not to single anyone out because i've seen this pop up on my dash a few times from different blogs but i have something to say:

as a writer, i absolutely get the importance of reblogs when it comes to your work. i get it!! of course you want your work shared. onboard with you.

but all the repetitive talk of so called ghost readers is really exhausting.

and no, this isn't another post complaining that people dont reblog lmfao

this is just a reminder that.... no one owes you a reblog!! no one owes anyone a reblog.

there are reason people choose not to reblog a fic and that is perfectly okay. ofc the its always nice when they do!!

the whole idea of reblog or i wont write just seems... entitled to me like... speaking for myself, i write bc i want to.

writing fanfiction should be self rewarding and like.. i get the validation that comes from reblogs but at the end of the day people owe me shit!! even if they request something! and they don't reblog?

anyway this post is for anyone who has been made to feel bad for not reblogging fics! ily!

and i appreciate your likes/comments (even if you dont share it on your page lmfao)

and just like no one forced to rb shit! if you're upset by this post!! you're not forced to agree w me :')

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

‘Sleep like a Baby’

I think when most people decide to have tiny humans, we all agree to sacrifice sleep. Say farewell to long lies and early nights - the time to go to bed will be dictated by your bundles of love and their feeding times. Some babies will be better sleepers than others, go to bed earlier than others etc. However, I don’t think couples realise (and by couples I really mean the mummy) that the lack of sleep starts well before the baby is here!

Two of the most useless pieces of advice you hear, and I have certainly been given, are sleep-related: ‘Make the most of the sleep now, because it will change once the baby is here,’ and ‘Sleep when they sleep.’

Inevitably as you get bigger and further on in your pregnancy, sleep becomes difficult. Unfortunately for some, the ‘morning’ sickness might be so bad in the 1st trimester, that that alone keeps you awake (thankfully that wasn’t my experience). I think I have mentioned, I got big (and I mean BIG) and fast. This meant my sleep was compromised pretty early in my pregnancy. The need to go to the toilet (maxed out at 4 times in a night late on!), the general uncomfortableness in trying to turn side to side, back pain, and those panicky moments when I woke up on my back (not allowed!), were enough to mean I was already experiencing a lack of sleep and the baby wasn’t even here yet! I used to find that I would have to move two or three times, just to roll from right to left side, and vice versa. I turned, lift myself and onto my back, then shuffled to my hip and eventually twisted onto my other side. Sometimes this alone would be so difficult, I ended up falling asleep halfway through, on my back. Personally, I don’t like sleeping on my back normally, but this isn’t allowed when you are pregnant. I think it’s something to do with blood flow to the baby and their heart rate. Cue waking up in a panic when I realised I had stopped halfway!! You also get pretty weird dreams when you’re pregnant (when you do eventually get some sleep), and I often found myself waking up just to reacquaint myself with reality. Women’s bodies are incredible, and I highly doubt the lack of the good stuff is a coincidence. I feel it’s the body’s way of teaching you to cope on less sleep, and get used to what will happen when the baby arrives. 

‘Sleep when they sleep.’

I brought this up at my Baby Massage class recently. Does anyone actually do this, and successfully?!!? Who came up with that? Clearly, someone who is not a parent!!! The reality is, newborn babies sleep lots - it’s how they grow and how they develop. But let’s be realistic - the sleeping when they sleep idea really only has some traction when maybe, (only maybe) you have family staying, or your partner is off on their parental leave. If you’re breastfeeding, forget it! The minute you lay your head down, someone will call up tentatively that the baby is showing cues for needing fed, or they’re already past the point of no return and are screaming for milk NOW! As time goes on, (even just in a few days), with so many visitors coming in and out, you find yourself strategically planning housework around your baby’s naps. Washing and sterilising bottles so you don’t run out at the crucial time, hoovering, feeding the dogs, and even just washing yourself and getting dressed (even if it is in joggies and a hoody!) Eating is also important (particularly if you are breastfeeding, but it’s important anyway obviously!) and it’s amazing how much planning goes in to cooking (if possible) and eating a meal between feeds. Quite often now as Cailean gets older, it’s more about keeping him happy and from losing his mind, so my husband and I end up doing a tag team - one eats rapidly while the other soothes until the person who has finished can take over. Talk about indigestion!! Then there are the days when he doesn’t nap, fights sleep like it’s armageddon, and I'm lucky to manage two meals a day, or to be eating before 9pm at night (which usually ends up being cereal).

Which brings me on nicely to Cailean’s sleep. I think I was possibly lulled into a false sense of security the night he was born. He fed and then slept from about 1/2am until just after 7am. Result!! Then it occurred to me, his stomach is no bigger than cherry so he doesn’t need as much right now. When our dayshift midwife came in, she advised she thought he was quite mucusy and that was causing him to feel full, hence why he wasn't that interested in feeding. The second night in the hospital, I have already mentioned was pretty difficult. Alex was on a reeling chair and Cailean would fall asleep at the breast, but scream when I tried to settle him in the bedside basket/fishbowl. I had zero sleep but thankfully, Alex did get some. 

Fast forward to our first few nights at home. Cailean would more or less feed every 3-4 hours and slept in his Moses basket next to my side of the bed. The difficulty I had, was the dreaded transfer from me once he had finished feeding (when I was still breastfeeding), to the Moses basket without waking him. He struggled to settle and we relented in giving him a dummy pretty early to help. We had all these great ideas of not giving him a dummy, but let’s face it, if it helps, do it!! Apart from anything else why is it such a bad thing?! Our midwives knew what they were talking about when they said he would need one, minutes after being born. It became exhausting for me to feed exclusively from the breast. With hindsight, it probably didn’t help that I was fighting off a massive infection which I had no idea about, but Cailean was just so hungry ALL THE TIME!!! I felt like I wasn’t producing enough for him. I know now, that the cluster feeding was his way of getting the breasts to produce enough for him when he needed it to grow, but I'll be honest, I was on the brink of an exhaustion-induced meltdown one night. We then decided we would give a bottle of formula at night to fill him up. My mum had done it with me, so we decided to give it a go. This was when we realised that Cailean struggled with reflux.

You usually find, that most babies don’t tend to need much winding when they’re breastfed. I think i even asked out loud - do I need to wind him after feeding him from the breast? The short answer is I don’t really know, so ask your midwife!! With formula, you absolutely do. This is when we discovered the reflux. Cailean would regularly (and by regularly, I mean at least once almost every feed) bring milk back up. Sometimes it was a stream, sometimes a dribble, and only once or twice was it projectile. Sometimes it was also partially digested - which is called posseting. Bit gross, but it comes out lumpy rather than just milk. 9 times out of 10, Cailean would almost immediately bring up whatever he had just drank when we winded him. We started winding three times during a feed, which has now reduced to two times - once during and once after he’s finished. Boy does he hate it!!! He screams the minute the bottle is taken from him - sure sign my boobs had no chance!!! Because of how often we were winding him, and how often he was being sick when we put him back down in his Moses basket, the night-time feed routine would consist of: nappy change, feed and about 30 minutes post-feed winding and trying to make sure he wasn’t going to be sick when we eventually put him back down.This, as you can imagine, added to the length of time we were up, and reduced the sleeping time between feeds. We tried to help each other out - one got the bottle ready, (initially of either formula or expressed milk) while the other changed and fed him. Then we would swap. Even though we took turns, the resentment you feel to your partner who has successfully dropped back off to sleep within minutes is real!! Probably because I would feel guilty for Alex, so would stay awake as long as possible to help with the settling after - not to mention the fact it was hard to fall asleep when the Moses basket was right next to me! There was a many a sick Moses basket sheet and a change during the night, but thankfully, Cailean always seemed to know to roll on his side to be sick and never did we have to worry about him choking (although we inevitably still worried).

As time went on, and we wanted to dress Cailean in more than just sleep suits, it became frustrating how many outfit changes there were - bibs, tops, muslins, trousers, the lot, were changed multiple times a day. We were lucky in that it didn't seem to adversely affect his weight, but it still wasn’t ideal. With the exception of the Anti-Reflux milk, we’ve tried everything. Anti-colic bottles (we found MAM to be the best, plus they’re self-sterilising so great for travelling!), infant Gaviscon, Carobel, tilting the Moses basket, changed milk, slow flow teats the list goes on! We tried to do one thing at a time in order to eliminate the problem. At first, we only used slow flow teats on our bottles. You’re advised to change the teats to faster flow once your baby has reached a certain age, however, given how greedy Cailean was, and how sicky, we stayed on the slowest flow teats (1) for ages. Even when we moved up a teat, we quickly went back down again, when the sickiness increased.

We then got him prescribed infant Gaviscon. One of Alex’s colleagues had sworn by it, so we thought it was worth a shot. It definitely helped initially, or at least improved the reflux. He did initially get a bit constipated with it, but his still eventually returned to normal once he had adjusted. 

Next, we switched milk. We had been on the Mamia formula from Aldi. All formulas are standard in terms of the ingredients - it’s the law. However, the quantity of the ingredients varies from brand to brand and the price varies quite a bit. Mamia is the cheapest, and then there’s the likes of Hipp, Cow & Gate etc, with Aptamil the most expensive. Wouldn’t you know, being my son, Cailean has a taste for the more expensive things in life - Aptamil turned out to agree with him more. The benefit of this though, is that Aptamil comes with ready made larger bottles, and mini bottles for when you’re out about. Really handy to have! This combination of Aptamil and Gaviscon seemed to work great. 

The problem persisted however, particularly when Cailean was taking more fluid ounces per feed. Each time we increased the volume, we had to increase gradually, so that every second feed was the larger amount, and never right before bed. This usually had to be introduced via the slow flow teat as well, just to be sure we minimised the reflux as much as possible. The time between feeds gradually increased as he took more, so that we are now 4 hours between feeds, with the exception of the last two, which are 3 hours apart.

Within the last few months, we have been prescribed Carobel by our health visitor, which is a milk thickener to make it harder for Cailean to bring it back up. We’ve hit the jackpot with this! We still give him the Gaviscon, as well as Carobel, but have had to move back to the faster flow teat (2), in order to allow for the milk to come out more easily. He has to work harder to get it, which is another reason he’s less sick - he can’t guzzle as easily!

You may wonder why I've strayed off the topic of sleep, and written about reflux. The thing is, they are so closely related that I couldn’t not mention it. The reflux inevitably makes Cailean more uncomfortable, and therefore more difficult to settle. That’s still the case now, even at 6 months’ old. He doesn’t nap during the day so well, and hours after a feed he can still be being sick and/or needing to burp. Somehow, the reflux doesn’t affect him so badly at night, but during the day it’s always been worse. It varies from feed to feed, but it can drive you mad - I get him dressed in a lovely outfit, and before I can get a bib on him, he’s puked and I have to change his whole outfit. Or at classes (especially Baby Sensory), he’ll lie on a mat and constantly be sick. Or he’ll be sick on me once I've got nice clothes on (including the day we had photos taken!!). In the early days, what made it worse was not knowing the cause. Thankfully, we seem to be in a better place with it, but as you can tell, it took some time to figure out the best way to tackle it.

Now I know this is not going to be a popular decision, and people may criticise me for it, but I would not be true to myself unless I stood by my decision. The NHS guidelines say that the baby should be in with the parents until they are 6 months old. That’s just it - these are guidelines and not the law. Every baby is different, and you do what’s right for you and your baby. I did and my son has been sleeping through the night since he was 10 weeks old. Does it seem like I'm gloating? Well, I'm not. I went through the sleep deprivation just like everyone else, and have had a horrendous recovery - I’m due some luck!! 

My husband and I always knew we wouldn’t be keeping Cailean in with us for 6 months. For one thing, I'm going back to work just after that (sob 😢). Trying to get him used to sleeping in his own room, as well as me going back to work, would be too unfair on him, and too damn hard on everyone. We spoke before he arrived about how long he would stay in our room. We agreed at least 4 weeks, but we would play it by ear. NHS guidelines are always changing - when I was born we had to sleep on our sides, we weren’t allowed on our fronts or backs. When my sister was born two years later, it was the back. They’ll no doubt change again if I have another child. The factors that led us to decide to put Cailean in his own room at 6 weeks were numerous. 

Cailean is a long baby. He kicks everywhere but (ironically), in the pool, and generally wriggles ridiculously. He hated the blanket being over his feet in the Moses basket. So much so, that we had to drape it over the end so it wasn’t weighing on his feet, but to make sure he was still warm. He didn’t like not having the space in the Moses basket the bigger he got. The noises he made kept me awake most of the night, straining for every sound and paranoid there was something wrong. We also have an excellent baby monitor. Angelcare have produced a video monitor that has night vision, a nightlight, a parent device that has the ability to speak to your baby, and most importantly, a sensor mat that detects the slightest movement, even breathing, from the cot. The sensor mat goes under the mattress, and movement is monitored by a beeping pendulum on the parent device. If no movement is detected, an alarm sounds on both the parent unit and the monitor. We ended up getting ours during a baby and toddler even in Asda, but they sell them in most places. One thing worth investing in for your baby (apart from the travel system/pram), is definitely a decent monitor. 

We also got Cailean used to his cot gradually. Each morning after his feed, and at night after his bath, we would put him in his nest in the cot when he was tiny, then without as he grew. We would put on the mobile and Ewan the Dream Sheep to entertain him while he was awake. At 6 weeks we took the decision to put him down for his bedtime in his cot and see how got on. We always put him on his back in his sleeping bag, feet at the bottom of the cot. Whether he stayed that way, was another matter, but he quickly got into the routine of just waking twice for a feed, then once, then 4 weeks later we were amazed when he slept the whole night - 10pm - 7am! Thinking it was a fluke, we couldn’t believe when it happened again and again, until it became routine and waking up earlier than 7am became unusual. 

I’m not entirely sure what people think when I tell them that. My health visitor actually said, you do what works for you, but I got the impression she didn’t really mean it when I told her he was in on his own, judging by her reaction! I should point out, that we have changed Health Visitor, but not for that reason and I will cover that in another post.

Invariably, new mums are both amazed I put him in on his own so early, but also, possibly even slightly envious. At the end of the day, I chose to do what suited me and my baby. Not everyone will be able to, or even want to do what I did, and that is absolutely fine - no judgments here! However it worked, and continues to work for us, and that’s what matters. I would never judge another parent for their sleep/feeding routine or for anything for that matter, as I firmly believe you do what works for you and your baby. Parents get enough unsolicited advice and judgment as it is - the least we can do is support each other, regardless of how differently we do things. You do you!