#me personally i am sick of that white boy's fucking face tho

[greensaplinggrace]

whichever one of my mutuals keeps putting lou ferrigno whoever the fuck on my dash. i hope you know that you have finally forced me to blacklist the tag

[walker33961]

COLONEL'S H O M E 💗

Alejandro real-time forgot that he had a little picnic planned with you in Japan on spring times... You really felt a bit broken when you realised that he forgot ... Meanwhile....he was down feeling from the recent missions , no proper intels, seeing best ones in injury and enemies change in location often and sending threats to his motherland .....

He really wanted to tell you these things , Well...you were aware that the time was not going well over Him, over the team & base ... After the mission got finally complete from his side , He got busy reconstructing the base.. After a good ass war with the shadows and specially , Graves....

Whenever he came home , we was all dull , broken from inside ..he hardly shows his emotions..

He was always better in hiding emotions after losing his elder brother , He almost lost his brother like person, his best friend and mate, Rudy..

Everyone wanted to see the Happy - chilled Colonel they knew & always saw They know about you, they know you always fix him. They know you are his "Home"...

They have a high expectation this time since it was the most freak shit mission and he also got locked in his own black site prison...

.

Time : 2:43 AM

Door nob twisting sound fills the silent room and he stepped into the house, A beautiful garden surrounded 2 storey house, in a location which only Rudy, los Vaqueros, Task force 141 Boys knew about..

After he stepped he got welcome by the little sweetie in the house "Marie" The cute munchkin milk white cat you got as a wedding gift from your sweet mother- in - law.

It's a family tradition that the bride will be gifted at least 1 kitten / cat which signifies the peace love and wellbeing of the family, Marie always brought light to both of your dull days❤

But this time, emotions and mental health striked him bad honestly.... So it's different this time.. No happy face after petting Marie..still... His heart became a bit warm ..

.

Alejandro : Awe Pequeña - *Little* . How you've been.. *tired voice but enough to understand* *petting the cat*

"Donde esta tu Mamá? " - *Where's your Momma*

The cat meows and walks to your room, Alejandro following Marie.. After she stopped and scratched the door a bit... She went away to her little space and He Twisted the nob and sees you sleeping peacefully..

He saw your sleeping state , time stopped like he's in a dream and your a angel from heaven sleeping in beds as if sleeping in clouds..

Your wedding ring shinning bright, sharing little shines around your face..

The orange Bedlights throwing a gold glow over your fair light brown skin He sees it As it's sharing aura lights in the midnight dark blue sky .....

And your charcoal black hair, shinning normally... But he sees it as if it's the wave of sea in the yellow moonlit night.....

One thing tho...it's ain't like he's the one who works..

He always saw you struggling with your work and getting less chance for yourself.. Even ignoring the fact of being in rest when sick... That's why he planned for a Japan spring picnic under the sakura falls..but... Got cancelled due thar historic mission....

You didn't mind since you are understanding....He's fking lucky for it !

Alejandro :

*comes near you and sits down carefully on the floor, so that u don't wake up*

"I have no idea how I got you Mi Amor , Maybe I did something good in past and you're the reward for it....I can never describe how you fix me everytime, wish I could tell you how much I want a little picnic , a little time spend.... To make u feel loved a bit more . I want to open up my heart, don't know what the fuck is stopping me from being free to my beloved wife... I love you more than anything Y/n.. I just wish. ...

*starts sobbing*

You :

*slowly opening the eyes from the sudden sobbing sounds, seeing Alejandro sitting and wiping his eyes, hair all messed up, diry clothes still on, eyes full of tiredness*

You : *hugs him placing hands over his neck and pulling him closer*

"Don't cry , your pretty earthy brown eyes don't deserve these bitter like tears..I love you Ale , and i understand that it's not easy to open up no matter how close the person can be... Take your time Amor.....I'm always with you , to listen whatever you wanna speak about"... *kissed him on his forhead*

*you feel his body getting lighter from the pain and burden which was over him.. He was melting in your touch, sobs getting lighter and his breathing getting back on the right pattern*

Alejandro : Can we plan for it aga.....

You : Honey, You don't have to plan a trip to make me feel loved.. Your presence is much more important to me than those trips.. All i appreciate is a cup of coffee, sitting together in a couch , Marie in your lap , And some sweet movie playing in... I live for these moments to be happen everyday..bcz home is home..and your My Home . ...But your long mission calls and...

Alejandro : Not this time... Los Vaqueros and 141 , all of us got 6 months off from our missions...the rookies are well trained and will assist , we'll give direction to lead from our homes... As easy as that...

" I promise to make the use of these times, to the fullest.. ❤"

You : LOS QUIERO MUCHO ALEJANDRO - *love you so much* *A big kiss over his lips*

Alejandro : Y/n .... *staring at her with whole love*

You : Hmm?

Alejandro : Gracias por todo.... - *thanks for everything*

You : *hugs*

Alejandro : *inhaling her sent , which he feels home*

You : * Releasing the hug* Honey you better take a shower... I'll prepare the dinner

Alejandro : How about I have you tonight as a meal... It's been....

You : *pinches him a little*

Alejandro : Ouch Mi Amor, Okay okay I'm going for a shower...

*screaming from the bathroom *

"I'll make sure I keep my words about it...."

You : *😳😳😳😳😳😳*

｡.｡:∞♡*💗»»————><————««💗*♡∞:｡.｡

<3 : @alewesker @sleepyconfusedpotato @sarahs-secrets2

　　

[atyd1960]

Marauders era characters and ships as SOUR songs with little to no explanation cause I’m not at all concerningly obsessed w Olivia!!

Brutal as Peter

- I already said on multiple occasions that I think Peter would be Olivia’s n.1 fan

- I’m so insecure I think, that I’ll die before I drink

- I don’t stick up for myself, I’m anxious and nothing can help

- All I did was try my best, this the kinda thanks I get?

Traitor as Crystalflower/Azkaban Wolfstar

- continuing with the Peter is an OR fan narrative thanks to @rmoony01 hehe

- Brown guilty eyes and little white lies

- Loved you at your worst, but that didn’t matter

- Ain’t it funny, all the twisted games, all the questions you used to avoid?

- God I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

Driver’s License as post break-up Jegulus (Regulus’ PoV)

- You’re probably with that blonde (redhead) girl who always made me doubt, she’s so much older than me, she’s everything I’m insecure about

- You said forever, now I drive alone past your street

- Today I drove through the suburbs, and pictured I was driving home to you

- Can’t drive past the places we used to go to, cause I still fucking love you, babe!

- I kinda wanna quote every single line but I’ll stop here:(

1 Step Forward, 3 Steps Back as 5th year ATYD Wolfstar (specific I know)

- You got me fucked up in the head boy, never doubted myself so much

- Am I pretty am I fun boy? I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff

- I’d leave you but the rollercoaster’s all I ever had

Good 4 u as Post breakup Marylily (Mary’s PoV)

[They broke up even tho they were in love bc Mary had a lot of internalised homophobia&religious trauma that Lily didn’t really know how to handle]

- Well good for you I guess you moved on really easily, you found a new girl (guy) and it only took a couple weeks

- Now you can be a better man (girl) for your brand new girl (man)

- G4U, you look happy and healthy- not me! If you ever cared to ask

- Remember when you swore to God I was the only person who ever got you? Well screw that! And screw you!

Enough For You as Grant

- I don’t usually talk about Grant but like… my boy just wanted Remus to love him the way he always loved Remus and meanwhile Remus was 2 busy being traumatized by his ex and it makes me so sad

- I wore makeup when we dated cause I thought you’d like me more if I looked like the other prom queens I know that you loved before

- Tried so hard to be everything that you liked, just for you to say you’re not the compliment type

- I knew how you took your coffee and your favorite songs by heart

- I read all of your self help books so you’d think that I was smart

- But don’t tell me you’re sorry, boy, feel sorry for yourself, cause someday I’ll be everything to somebody else

[gonna go cry now xoxoxo]

Jealousy, Jealousy as Marlene

- I kinda wanna throw my phone across the room, cause all I see are girls too good to be true

- I know their beauty’s not my lack, but it feels like that weight is on my back, and I can’t let it go

- I’m so sick of myself

- I see everyone getting all the things I want and I’m happy for them but then again I’m not

- Got a pretty face, a pretty boyfriend too, I wanna be you so bad

Favorite Crime as post prank Wolfstar

- Doe eyed as you buried me, one heart broke, four hands bloody

- The things I did just so I could call you mine, the things you did… well I hope I was your favorite crime

- I crossed my heart as you crossed the line

- everything we broke and all the trouble that we made, but I say that I hate you with a smile on my face

Hope ur ok as all the Marauders!

- Nothing’s forever, nothing’s as good as it seems

- When the clouds won’t iron out and the monsters creep into your house and every door is hard to close… well, I hope you know how proud I am you were created with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred, but, god, I hope that you’re happier today- cause I love you, and I hope that you’re ok.

[doyumacy]

ʜᴀᴇᴄʜᴀɴ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ (fwb) pt. 2

ɢɪꜰ ɴᴏᴛ ᴍɪɴᴇ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴊᴏʜʜɴʏ, ᴍᴀʀᴋ, ᴊᴇɴᴏ, ꜱɪᴄʜᴇɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴇɴ. ꜱᴍᴜᴛ (ꜰɪɴɢᴇʀɪɴɢ, ᴏʀᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰ ʀᴇᴄᴇɪᴠɪɴɢ. ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx.) ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ɢᴏʀᴇ; ɴᴏꜱᴇ ʙʟᴇᴇᴅɪɴɢ, ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ, ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ᴄᴏʟʟᴀʀʙᴏɴᴇ, ʜᴏꜱᴘɪᴛᴀʟ.

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 7,7k

ᴘᴀʀᴛ 1 ʜᴇʀᴇ

Doghyuck doesn't call you the next day as it was expected. You are walking to your next class when you see him talking enthusiastically to a girl; she has her back leaning against the wall and he has one arm at the side of her head. You sigh and keep walking without being noticed by him.

You know Donghyuck and know the playboy he is. You know it might don't mean anything. Donghyuck is a flirty person by nature, and you can’t even begin to list the number of girls who’ve had their hearts broken by him. And yours might get added to that list.

You shake your head and enter the classroom placing your backpack on the floor. Someone sits next to you and you see Johnny. He smirks at you. “Hey, baby girl.”

Johnny is also a natural flirter, but not a player. You smile. “What’s up, Bravo?”

“Ha! Johnny Bravo,” he beams. “That’s a nice one.”

You shrug, smiling. “You know, my birthday is this weekend and you’re of course invited to the party.”

“I’ll be there,” you nod.

Johnny tilts his head in surprise. “Wait, really?”

You laugh. “Why do you look so surprised?”

“Because it normally would take me 5 hours to convince you to go…” he glances at you.

“That’s not t…” you frown. “Okay, maybe it’s true, but this time I really wanna go.”

He raises his hand and places it on your forehead. “Are you sick?”

You giggle and remove his hand. “I’m okay. I just need a distraction.”

“You okay?” He looks at you.

You sigh. “Yeah, don’t worry.”

“You know, if you ever need to talk to someone about anything I’m here,” he smiles at you.

“I know, thank you.”

(...)

"Hey Soo," you call your roommate.

She turns to you, taking her headphones off. "Yes?"

"Can I borrow your white dress?" You ask.

She nods. "Sure, where are you going tho?"

"Johnny's party," you smile. "He invited me and I haven't gone shopping in months."

"Oh, then no. You can't borrow that one," she gets up from the bed walking to her wardrobe.

"Okay..." you frown.

"You better wear this instead," she pulls out a long-sleeved pink latex dress, with a deep neckline ending at the waistband enriched by a hexagonal buckle. Your mouth drops open. "Woah, that's so..."

"I know," she beams.

"Aren't I going to look like a dominatrix?" You laugh.

She giggles. "Of course not. You will look very hot."

"Fuck it," you say, grabbing the dress. "I'm gonna wear it."

“Donghyuck is gonna lose his shit,” Soo laughs

“Huh?” You look at her confused. “What do you mean?”

“I might be dumb but I’m not blind,” she smiles. “You always sneak out and the way you two look at each other pretty much say you two been fucking….”

You choke a whine. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t,” she pats your shoulder.

(...)

"Wow..." You sigh as you compare this amazing mansion to your house in your mind.

"Impressive, yes yes, whatever," Johnny grabs your hand, walking through the people inside the mansion.

"Where are you taking me?"

"You need a drink," Johnny smiles, "Goddamn, you look so hot tonight."

You fiddle with your hair and your necklace, hiding your face so he can't see you're blushing. "T-thanks."

When you enter the kitchen, all eyes are on you, or rather in your cleavage. You recognize a few people that are there and you greet them, smiling.  "My, my, aren't you pretty!" A boy practically sings, flipping his dark hair as he talks.

He's gorgeous. Johnny hands you a drink and you have a sip. "Ignore Yuta, he can't keep his hands to himself."

You giggle. "It's okay, I came because I wanna mingle."

Johnny tilts his head in surprise. "Weren't you dating Donghyuck?"

You almost choke on your drink. "What? W-where did you get that from?"

Johnny scratches the back of his neck. "Taeyong is Donghyuck's neighbor in the dorms and I once saw you, or heard you two doing things."

You blush and cover your face. "Oh, my God."

Johnny laughs at your reaction. "Taeyong didn't see you, don't worry. So, is your boyfriend coming?"

"He's not my boyfriend," you sigh. "We are... fuck buddies. We have been fucking our souls out."

"Nothing wrong with that," he quips.

You laugh. "It is when you catch feelings for him."

"Oh..." Johnny wiggles his eyebrows.

"Yup," you shake your head. "Whatever, I'm done. I can't keep doing it."

“Okay, lets go dance and hopefully I can introduce you to someone,” Johnny grabs your hand again, leaving the kitchen.

After Johnny and you dance a couple of songs, he invites you to play beer pong. You have one ball in one hand and a drink in the other, trying to land the damned thing in one of the red solo cups arranged across from you. You shoot and you miss, which you swear loudly at. Yuta, who is your partner, laughs. "You're the worst  beer pong player I've ever seen."

You groan. "Give me a minute."

After everyone shoots and misses, it's your turn again. You take the ball in your hand again and suddenly your sight gets lost in Donghyuck and the same girl he was flirting with days ago in the hallway. Is she his girlfriend? Was he fucking you and dating her? You wanna throw up.

You drop the ball and leave the dining table trying to find the closest bathroom. Someone grabs your arm, making you turn. It's Johnny. "Hey, you okay?"

"You invited him?" You give him a questioning look, almost angry.

"Who? Donghyuck? No!" He looks at you. "I did invite the girl he is with... she's in my marketing class. I didn't even know they were together."

You growl and yank yourself free. "I need a drink."

Johnny shakes his head in disagreement. "Come with me. I want you to introduce you to someone."

"I don't need more guys, Johnny!" You glance at him.

"He's not a guy, he's a man," he smiles, dragging you to the living room. "Hes our age, but hes everything but a guy."

"You sound whipped for him, you should date him instead," you mock him.

Johnny chuckles. "Not my type."

In a matter of seconds, you're in front of a 'man' with round eyes, small mouth, a lot of cheekbone. Small nose too, with a sort of endearing hint of crook at the bridge. Permanently surprised eyebrows, one half-hidden under black hair, styled back but for a curl coming down on the right side. He's truly beautiful.

"Hey Mark, this is y/n. y/n this is Mark Lee," Johnny smiles. "You both like ice cream and sushi. Mingle, bye!"

And Johnny disappears from the scene. You stare at Mark for a couple of seconds and then laugh. You scratch your forehead and you can tell Mark is trying to keep his eyes up from for cleavage. Nice.

There's an awkward silence until Mark breaks it. "I actually hate sushi. Anything raw."

You sigh in relief. "Me too. I hate it."

You both laugh again. "Anyway," Mark continues, "it's cool to like, actually meet you finally? Johnny talks about you a lot so I feel like I kinda know you already, haha."

"Oh really?" Which means Mark spends significant time around him. You wonder where.

"Yeah! I mean, I don't go to the same uni as you guys but we met when we were on an exchange program in America," he smiles.

"Oh that's great!" You smirk. "So you're the guy who kept him away from me when he was away?"

"I think I am? I apologize," he places a hand on his chest.

"You're forgiven," you sigh and he smiles.

Your favorite song Pour Up by Dean ft. Zico starts to play in the background and you look at him. "I love that song. You wanna go dance with me?"

"You kidding? That's my favorite song too," he grabs your hand walking to where the rest of the people are dancing.

It's not like you wanted to give Mark a lap dance, but the song is too sexy for not to do it (or maybe you did, but that is an advanced level of courage and you are not known for being a bold person). It's not like Donghyuck didn't see you with a stranger, dancing so closely and got jealous of him because that could be him.

Mark rotates his hips, running his hands up his sides and swaying. He glances over you, who are doing the same.

You roll your body provocatively, remembering just how tight the dress looks on your ass. The next move prompts him and you to face each other for a moment as you rise back up, rocking on your heels and swaying. He winks at you jokingly and you smirk.

Donghyuck finds the scene repulsive. He wants to drag you out of the house and beat the shit out of Mark. Who the hell did the guy think he is? Donghyuck gets pulled out his thoughts when his date grabs his arm. "Babe, I want another drink."

Donghyuck gives you a last glance and sighs turning to his date. "Let's go."

When the song's over, Mark and you step out of the crowded 'dance floor' and you lean against the wall. He stands next to you. "Uhm, did you hear he's having a concert next weekend?

You nod. "Yeah, I wanted to go but tickets got sold out."

He bites his lips. "I have an extra ticket, would you like to go with me?"

You look at him. "Really?"

"Yeah, you seem to enjoy his music and you're nice. And of course, I'd like to know you better," he smirks.

You beam. "Okay, I'd love to. Thank you, Mark."

Back in your dorm, you text Mark you've arrived safely and he wishes you a goodnight. You take off the dress and put on your pajamas.

Right when you're about to turn off the lights, you get a text message from Donghyuck.

𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝙸 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛?

And just like that, minutes later you open the dorm door finding him on the other side of the door, shifting his weight from foot to foot. His eyes then turn into slits as he glares at you.

“Had fun with your date?” He questions and you can see his jaw set: muscles clenching tight.

"I did," you reply.

Donghyuck gets inside your dorm and shuts the door behind him. He attaches his lips to your neck which draws a soft moan from you, he harshly sucking and peppering soft kisses on the expanse of the skin of your neck. His hands running at your sides smoothly and gradually getting closer to the underside of your breasts with each pass, when he finally cups your breasts you arch in his palms further pushing yourself closer to him. "Look at you, you're all needy by me just kissing your neck."

You want to slap him, but he's right. “Why can’t you understand that I am the only one who can make you feel this way?"

You taste the residue of vodka on his lips when he kisses you and walks to your bed without breaking the kiss.

You find yourself lying naked on your bed where you two have laid your back many times but he never stayed over the night. As he slips your pajama pants down your body, your eyes water and pools in your eyes ready to spill over. ‘This is the last time,’ you tell yourself. He discharges his clothes at the other side of the bed. You manage to swipe the tears that gathered in your eyes and look at him.

Placing himself over you, he is a sight to behold and you trace the line of his body with your eyes, caressing the dips on his collarbones and the line that leads down to his cock as his face coils into a smirk smug with the knowledge that he can turn you into a whimpering mess.

His thumb is drawing circles on your clit which make your moan and your pussy clench on nothing. You hate that he is the only one who can make you feel this way, reducing you into a pleading mess as you move your hips to the rhythm that he has set.

He inserts his length into you slowly, while you grip your sheets until your knuckles turn pale. He always feels good. So good.

He knows your body so well; putting the right pressure and hitting the spots that makes you throw your head back repeatedly, moaning. You can feel his quick thrusts and knows that he is near his climax. Donghyuck makes a sound at the back of his throat when he orgasms and you follow him when he falls.

He snuggles into your neck, trying to catch his breath again. You rest beneath him and hug him, placing kisses on his shoulder. "I came inside," he tells you, rolling next to you.

"I'm on the pill," you stare at the roof.

He nods. "I should go."

You laugh. Of course he has to go. He always has to go. "Whatever, lock the door when you leave."

You cover yourself with your sheets, turning on your back. He frowns as he gets dressed. "What's up with you these days?"

"What do you mean?" You turn to face him.

"You're acting... weird," Donghyuck shrugs.

You want to yell at him and tell him that you're over heels for him. That you love him. That you've been in love with him for a year and being cold to you only hurts you more and more.

You shake your head. "Just... go."

He finishes putting his clothes on and grabs his phone. "Is this too much for you? Us fucking?"

Yes. "No."

"Great, because we're supposed to have a great time," he leans closer to you and gives you a kiss. "You know where to find me."

You nod and right after he shuts the door, tears plops down your cheeks. He doesn't love you the way you love him. And he might never do. You hate him, but you even hate yourself more. You don't want to ever see him again.

(...)

“y/n! Mark's here!” You hear Too call you.

You smile, grabbing your jacket as you hurry out the door.

Mark is standing in the doorway and you draw closer, he smiles at you. “Hey.”

“Hey,” You smile back taking in Mark's attire. He is dressed in black ripped skinny jeans, a white shirt and a denim jacket. “You look great.”

“You do too.” Mark offers you a charming grin, head tilted slightly to the side, “You always look great.”

“Oh he’s good.” You hear Soo murmur teasingly, “you two have fun.”

Mark flashes the tickets to the security guy at the entrance of the venue, the music is pumping in your ears and the flashing lights of the stage. A crowd has already found their seats.

You know how to maneuver through a crowd almost completely undetected. You seem completely in your element, the multi-colored lights dancing off your hair, as you two of them maneuver through the people. You finally find your seats and Mark sighs, relieved.

Minutes later, the artist finally gets on stage. You two are moving to the beat, the show is so good.

You catch yourself staring between songs, Mark is truly beautiful.

You're surprised when he glances over and notices you are mouthing the lyrics. He smiles watching you. "That's our song."

"Wanna dance with me again?"

"Definitely," he smirks.

You two dance to "Pour Up" again, grinding to each other. Mark feels good pressed against your back.

After the concert is done, you two stay still waiting for the rest of the people to leave the venue. Someone lets out a roar from somewhere on your left, a second later something collides with your face, hard enough to knock you more into Mark. Mark catches you before you end up face first on the floor. The second you gain your footing back, Mark turns towards the guy that hit you, furious.

“Watch it!” Mark's voice comes out harsh as the other concert attender snorts and waves him off. You feel something hot run down your face from your nose. You reach up your hand in time to catch a few drops of blood. You feel Mark shift his weight before tugging you through the crowd away from the stage, you try to follow your movements, having some difficulty with the daze of being hit.

Mark helps you over to a more secluded part of the venue. After a while Mark sets you down on a bench. You let out a groan as you raise your hand to your face, trying to keep the flow of blood from staining your clothes.

“Wait here.” Mark turns on his shoes and dashes across the venue. You look up to the roof, after some time you hear Mark's hurried footsteps behind you. He kneels next to you in the flow, handing you a handful of paper napkins for your nose.

“Thanks,” You murmur as you take the pile. Your blood easily soaks through the first few layers of paper before you get it under control. You try to pull your head back when you feel Mark's hand on the back of your head directing you forward.

“Lean forward, not back.” Mark directs as you do as told. After a few seconds you feel Mark's hand move down to your back, rubbing gentle circles as the two of you sit in silence. After a few minutes you feel the blood flow slow down.

“So, think my nose is broken?” You ask as you gently wipe the blood from your face.

“Nah, definitely not broken. You’re going to have one heck of a bruise though.” Mark warns. After a few seconds you feel something ice cold touch your cheek. You let out a surprised yelp as you lean away from the touch. You look over to see Mark handing you a cup with ice in it.

“Here, so it doesn’t swell.” You sit back up and take the cup with your free hand and gently press it on your face where you were struck.

“You’re… kinda good at this first-aid thing.”

“I've been playing hockey for years, you learn these type of things.” Mark scoffs. His eyes soften as you move the napkins from your nose, showing the bleeding has almost stopped. “Sorry you took an elbow to the face. I didn’t even see that guy come up to you.”

“Neither did I.” You admit as you pull the bloodied napkins away from your face, using one of the clean ones to clean any extra blood from your hands and face. “So, be honest, how bad does it look?”

“Like I said, you’ll be bruised tomorrow, but, it doesn’t look that bad.” Mark offers with a small smile. “The ice helped, at least your face isn’t swollen.”

“Thanks for the ice.” You offer as you look down at the cup of ice Mark had handed you, you frown a little when you see the logo on the side of the cup. “Did you…run all the way to the other side of the venue?”

“… Yes.”

“Thats-” Mark glances in the direction of the hallway, “At least two hundred meters away.”

“… Yes.”

“You ran.”

“…I don’t see what you’re getting at.”

“You-” You can't help but break into a little laugh, “You, are trying to be modest about running across the arena just to get something for my nose and face.”

“You were bleeding,” Mark points out.

“Yeah, but I could’ve used my shirt or something. You didn’t have to run like…half a mile to get something for me.”

“I run on ice pretty much everyday" Mark scoffs, shaking his head at you. You smile, standing up and reaching out for Mark.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

Mark stares at you for a second before taking your hand. You pull him up and tug him along the arena, finding the exit. "So you say you play hockey?"

He nods, "Yeah. I'm the captain of the team," he smirks.

"No shit," you say.

Mark laughs. "What?"

"Nothing," you shake your head, "its just curious because my best friend is the captain of the hockey team in my uni."

"Cool, what's your friend's name?" He asks.

"Uhm Lee, Lee Donghyuck," you say.

He stops walking and he stares at you. "Dickhyuck is your best friend?"

You burst out laughing at the nickname he has given him. Oh boy, he indeed is a dick. "What did he do to you?"

"Sorry for the nickname, I was just shocked you're friends with him," he scratches the back of his neck. "He is an asshole."

"He is," you nod.

He cocks an eyebrow. "I thought you were friends."

"We are, and we might stop being friends. Long story," you sigh.

He nods. "So, uhm, next week is the playoffs, would you like to come?"

"Uhm yeah, of course. I just need to tell you that I know nothing about hockey." You giggle a bit.

"I'll explain anything you need to know," He beams at you.

(...)

𝙼𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝?

𝙸 𝚌𝚊𝚗’𝚝.

𝚆𝚑𝚢?

𝙸’𝚖 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎.

𝚆𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚑𝚘?

𝙽𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.

White hot jealousy surges through Donghyuck as he reads your last text. Why is he jealous? He has no right to feel jealous when he has been clear to himself you're just his friend and his fuck-buddy. He's into Yujin, right?

He throws his phone to the bed and sits in front of his computer. Why is he so upset? Is it because he's horny and you're not around? Or is it because he likes you?

Bullshit.

He shakes his head, removing that thought. He is not in love with you.

Donghyuck stands up and goes to his bed unlocking his phone. He texts Jeno asking if he's busy, who replies back saying no. He needs a beer.

Donghyuck meets Jeno at the regular bar they used to go to. They're sitting next to the bar. Jeno stares at him and Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "What?"

"You're grumpier than usual, what's wrong?" Jeno inquires.

"Nothing," Donghyuck has a sip of his beer.

"Is it... maybe y/n?" Jeno hums.

Jeno is tired of it. It seems everyone around you knows that you two are in love, but apparently the two of you can't open your eyes. Or at least Donghyuck.

"No idea what you're talking about," Donghyuck murmurs.

Jeno sighs. "Why do you keep denying it?"

Donghyuck growls. "I'm not denying shit."

Jeno rolls his eyes and crosses his arms on his chest. "You have to be an idiot to not see the way you two look at each other. And the way you two... you know... shagging, you could say it's love. Real love."

"What are you on, Jeno?" Donghyuck glances at him.

"I'm sober, but thanks for your concern," Jeno smirks. "But you my friend, you are high off your ass on feelings."

"Shut up," Donghyuck groans and finishes his beer. He makes the waiter a signal to bring another one.

"Tell me I'm wrong," Jeno dares him.

Donghyuck stares at the beer bottle, thinking. Is Jeno right? Is he high off his ass on feelings for you?

He thinks of you: Donghyuck loves your hair and adores the way you raise your eyebrows when you're talking about something that excites you. Your lips fascinates him and the ease you have when speaking in front of many people seems incredible to him. His heart starts skipping a beat just of the thought of you: you have too much effect on him.

Shit.

Donghyuck is really in love with you.

(...)

Donghyuck sighs as he pulls off his helmet and wipes at his sweaty brow. The air is cold against his skin and he can see his hot breath. He is tired as the second period ends, he skates across the ice towards the exit. He has 5 minutes before the third period starts.

Donghyuck drinks water before sitting on the bench. The ice hockey arena is full, with both schools attending the game. He sees some people he knows, some of his friends: Jungwoo, Renjun, Yangyang and Jisung. Jeno is in the team with him.

Then his sight freezes on someone that looks like you. Donghyuck stares at her for a couple of seconds to later realize it's you. You're there with Johnny and someone he doesn't know.

He frowns. You hate hockey, what are you doing there?

He follows your face, smiling to someone and he curses when he sees who you're waving your hand off.

Fucking Mark Lee.

Of course he had seen his face before and the day of the party, when you were dancing with him he thought he had seen him before.

That's who you are dating.

Donghyuck feels sad, knowing that you never accepted to go to one of his games and there you are, cheering for someone else.

"I swear that girl looks like y/n," Jeno tells him.

"It's y/n," Donghyuck states, grabbing his helmet.

"Huh?" Jeno gives him a confused look.

"She's dating Mark."

“The Mark Lee we hate?” Jeno shakes his head. “That’s… unexpected.”

“Whatever,” Donghyuck puts on his helmet.

You would lie if you say you haven't been seeing Donghyuck. He's so smooth the ice, he moves as if he had been born on the ice. Then you would cheer for Mark's team even tho, deep down, you want Donghyuck's team to win.

Jeno chases the puck behind the back of the net. Shovels it out to Donghyuck, past the waiting stick Sicheng's stick. Donghyuck takes it up the ice, looking for an open. Ten shakes free of Mark, makes himself available. Donghyuck takes the open, approaching the blue line, passes the puck to Ten, but Mark takes the puck up the right—oh! And Donghyuck goes down hard! He deals out a devastating hit. There's a whistle. Oh, this is not good. He’s not getting up.

The entire bench is on their feet in an instant. Jeno has ripped his helmet off and skates over with as much speed as his bulky pads could muster, shooing away the circle of their concerned team mates.

Donghyuck hasn't moved since he has fallen, his limbs locked in the same position they had been just before the hit.

"Why is he not moving, Johnny?" You ask.

"I don't know," he states.

You leave your seat, almost running towards the ice rink. They don't let you in and you argue you need to make sure he is okay.

Jeno kneels beside Donghyuck, he can see that his dark eyes are unblinking, wide and blank.

“Come on, Hyuck breathe for me,” Jeno says insistently.

"Hyuck!" He hears you scream. "Hyuck!"

Donghyuck draws a few stuttering breaths as he slowly swims towards something resembling consciousness. It becomes readily apparent that he can't move his left arm. "Let her in."

"What?" Jeno frowns.

"y/n," Donghyuck tries to lean forward.

Jeno turns and sees you arguing with the security guard. "She can't get on the ice without skates, she could get hurt."

Donghyuck groans and watches the paramedics bring the backboard out.

“I can walk off,” Donghyuck slurs.

“Hell no, you're no—“

Jeno is interrupted as the crowd erupts all around them. Lifting his head quickly, he spots Mark and Sicheng throwing their gloves off and locking together. Helmets are ripped off, jerseys pulled and punches thrown wildly. Before Donghyuck can shout at his team partner, the cry from the crowd goes up again. Ten and Taeyong (a guy from Mark's team) separate them.

Donghyuck leans over the backboard as they prepare to carry him off the ice. "We're so doomed."

(...)

“A five minute penalty for interference and game misconduct? That’s a fucking disgrace,” Ten grouses.

“The board’s reviewing it. With a hit like that, he should get a harsher punishment,” Jeno adds.

“If he’s not suspended for the rest of the games, someone’s getting my stick shoved up their arse,” Sicheng says.

A murmur of agreement goes around the room.

“I thought the nurse said only three visitors at a time,” Donghyuck rasps, not bothering to try to lift his head. He can't even keep his eyes open. It makes the room spin. Everything seems… too loud. And the pain on his right collarbone is too much.

“Oh, so you are awake. Here we were all worrying about you and you’re faking,” Jeno says teasingly.

Donghyuck can't bring himself to rise to the bait. Keeping himself awake is hard enough work as it is.

“…Hyuck?” You call as you open the door slightly.  

The room is silent for a few moments and the guys look at you. Donghyuck opens his eyes and spots your head between the door. "Leave. Now." He's talking to his team mates.

Jeno, Sicheng and Ten leave the room. You say goodbye to them as they leave the room. You walk standing next to him and realize he's wearing a  triangular sling. "Hey."

"Hey," he greets. "Disappointed to know I didn't die?"

"Shut up," you look at him. "I was so worried."

"You pushed a security guard," he cocks an eyebrow at you.

You giggle. "He wouldn't let me in. I wanted to make sure you were okay,"  you place a hand on his.

"And I appreciate that, you could've gotten hurt," he takes your hand to his lips and places a soft kiss.

You sigh at the scene. "I don't care."

"I do," his eyes dart to you.

"Why don't you get some rest?" You sit next to him.

"I’m having surgery in a bit," he rests his hands interlocked with yours on his chest.

"What? Why?" You ask worried.

"Broken collarbone," he sighs.

"Oh, Hyuck," you lower your head sadly.

"I'll be fine," he squeezes your hand. "And I'll be right back in the ice to beat your boyfriend up."

"Mark's not my boyfriend," you say quickly. "And after today, I don't want to see him ever again."

"It was an accident; these things happen y/n."

"He knows about us, he heard me talking to Johnny about it today before the game," you don't look at him in the eye. "I’m sorry, Hyuck."

"Hey," he frees your hand and cups your face. "This isn't your fault, okay? Don't torture yourself, it's not your fault he couldn't handle it."

You nod. A nurse enters the room telling you they need to prepare him for surgery. You say goodbye to him and kiss his cheek.

"Just lay there, Hyuck," Jeno helps him to lay on his bed. He has been discharged from the hospital that morning and his friends are taking turns to take care of him.

"I'm so fucking high, dude," Hyuck laughs, squeezing his eyes. "What are on these meds? I feel like flying."

"Those are your painkillers, my friend," Jeno shakes his head, "enough of them for you today."

There's a knock on the door and Jeno walks to it. He opens it and he sees you with a bag of food. You smile. "Hi, Jeno."

"Hey, come in," he says.

You thank him and follow him. As you reach Donghyuck's room, Jeno stops. "Now, I should warn you, he’s pretty out of it,” he says.

“That’s fine,” You reply . “I think I can handle it."

He nods. "I have practice, I'll be back later, okay?"

"Don't worry, we'll be fine," you say.

You enter the room and you are greeted with the sight of Donghyuck reclining on his bed, looking a million miles away. You walk over to peer down at him.

“Hey Hyuck. How are you feeling?”

Jon tilts his head to look up at you. “y/n? Issat you?”

You smile. “Yeah, it’s me. Those pain meds did a number on you, huh?”

“I’m so happy to see you too,“ he says, smiling at you.

You beam wider, his dark eyes are unfocused but still shining brightly. It is unfair, how gorgeous his eyes are.

"Get some rest, Hyuck," you grab a blanket to tuck him.

He stares at you, looking a bit like a kicked puppy. “No! I wanna cuddle with you!”

"Okay okay," you say and you manage to get him tucked under the blankets. As soon as you're finished, you sit down and he rests his head on your chest.

"This is my favorite place," he states, tracing his fingers on your skin.

"Because my boobs are close to your face?" You mock him.

"Because I can hear your heart beating for me," he smiles.

You choke a sound. What is he saying?

"Cheesy," you mock him again.

"I love you."

You chuckle, nervously. "You're so high."

"I am high but I love you." He stares at you. "I fucking love you, y/n."

You press your lips together. "Let's talk about this when you're not high up on meds."

(...)

It's been two weeks since you have seen Donghyuck. Two weeks since he told you he loves you. You don't know if he is regretful for what he told you or he didn't mean it.

Of course your pride won't let you text him and you learn from Jeno he has gotten his stitches removed and he will be back in practice in 8 weeks since he has some recovery to do.

You're exiting the library when you feel someone grabs your hand. You turn to see who is there and you see Donghyuck smiling. "Hello, baby cheeks."

You cross your arms on your chest. "And finally the devil shows up."

"Devil? I'm hurt," he places a hand on his chest.

You roll your eyes and turn on your heels. He sighs and grabs your arm. "Okay, I deserve that. But hey, I want to talk with you." He says as he stands in front of you.

"About what?" You cock an eyebrow. “Or you wanna fuck me and don't talk to me for days?

He lowers his head. “No. I wanna talk about us.”

"We're not fucking," you state.

"We are not," he nods.

That is a lie. Back in his dorm, you two are kissing, desperately. You walk over towards the bed, still kissing. It's a soft loving kiss that makes your heart melt. His kiss is sweet, probably from something he ate, and slow. He breaks away to look at you, "I love you" he whispers.

"So do I" you say.

He smiles and goes in for another kiss, this time a little more fiery, it's still slow but now he's using his tongue to lick at your bottom lip, eyes fluttered closed.

You tug on his hair ever so slightly, you know he likes that. He moans quietly and you bite his lip. He gets on top of you, and you can start to feel the start of an erection on your leg.

At this point both your tongues are swirling together. He slowly brings his hand up from your waist, to under your breast and cups your breast with his, squeezing it, all while looking him directly in the eye. His erection feels stronger now. You push your knee upward to create some type of friction between him and your thigh and he groans.

Donghyuck plays with your nipple through your bra, right hand still gripping your waist, tight. He pinches and pulls your nipple in a way that causes you to roll your hips forward and moan his name.

He flips you over and now he's beneath you and you're sitting on his lap, feeling his cock in your clothed ass. You start to grind on his hips, the outline of his cock can be felt even through the layers of your clothing. You can feel the heat emanating from it and you can't help but rock your hips against his gently. “Look at me,” he orders.

You look at him, his pupils are dilated and his cheeks up to his neck and shoulders have the prettiest blush on it.

You are gripping the edge of his shirt, looking so utterly innocent. He dives for your next and start nipping, placing light bites and kisses as he abuses that one sensitive spot

“Hyuck please” you feel tickling sensations that feel really good. That gasses Donghyuck up because he loves nothing more than hearing your groans and moans.You feel the slight moisture gathering on your underwear.

“Use your words, baby. ,” he says while he continues sucking and licking on that sensitive part of your neck. His hands start wandering and are now placed on top of your breast, kneading and lightly brushing your erect nipples through your bra.

“Please,” you ground your hips on his growing erection. He answers back by gripping your exposed thighs, putting a stop to the teasing he did on your breast.

“Please what baby?” he teases. Donghyuck is doing little circles with his thumbs as he grips your thighs. You feel him smiling against your neck before he bites hard on the junction of your neck and shoulder.

You moan. “Please fuck me,” you finally answer.

“Why should i?” Donghyuck asks, very visibly teasing, letting his teeth run through your shoulder.

“Please, I'm so wet for you and I missed you so much. Please Hyuck."

Donghyuck has the audacity to chuckle. Remove my shirt then,” he challenges.

Obedient as you are, you hurriedly take off his shirt and start pressing bites and kisses on his exposed chest. You give a soft kiss on his scar where he had surgery weeks ago. He can't help but let out his groans of pleasure. His large hands are back on your chest, massaging your breasts through the fabric, gently running his hands through then and giving them a squeeze, the cycle repeats again. Then, with a little help from you, he unclasped your bra. You take it off. You kiss him again.

“Wait baby,” he starts, eyes scanning the expanse of your chest. “I want to eat you out." He finishes.

You nod at his proposal. You get off from his lap (your arousal slightly darkening a patch on his light jeans) and you lay on your back. Donghyuck goes in front of you and plops on his stomach. You are buzzing with anticipation as he spreads your legs open, hands caressing your thighs and ghosting over that area where you want it the most. Donghyuck lifts his head a little to admire you: breathing heavily, erect nipples and the undeniable arousal drenching your pink lace panties.

Donghyuck's arousal is straining through his sweatpants so he decides to discard it. He is left in his white, skin tight boxers with a faint outline of his dick. Then, he situates himself between your thighs. Instead of removing your panties, he decides to tease you a little through them, gently sliding his middle finger up and down your clothed wetness.

“So fucking wet, baby” he muses.

You bite your finger as he torturously drags his long finger up and down your clothed cunt.

“Ah shit,” you moan. "Fuck me good, Hyuck."

He pulls your underwear aside and starts dragging his finger on your cunt for real. He does small shallow thrusts and proceeds to drag his finger out. Donghyuck is doing this repeatedly almost in a torturous manner.

"Fuck, go faster,"

He doesn't go faster. Instead he situates himself between your legs and puts his tongue on your soaked cunt. You can't help but moan as he licks a stripe up while spreading your lips, maximizing the sensitivity you feel. You are gripping his sheets hard and moaning his name along with strings of “oh fuck, yes please”. He moves his mouth upwards and starts licking your clit, putting harsh but enjoyable pressure. Donghyuck proceeds to put a finger inside you slowly, up to his second knuckle, then another one,  drawing out a moan.

“Look at my fingers baby, so fucking wet.” he lifted his fingers up for you to see.

“I want more, faster, Hyuck, I’m going to cum.”

He smiles at you. “No. you’re not allowed to cum until I fuck you with my dick.”

You groan. You look at him and he is now kneeling, a hand situated on his now somewhat translucent boxers, outline of his dick now visible. He then strokes himself through his boxers as he stares right at you. Donghyuck is biting his lip softly as he takes out his dick and starts playing with the tip.

“You like it when I stroke myself while you watch, baby?” His eyes are hooded and he is already sweaty.

“Yes,” you said. “fuck yes.”

“Put it in your mouth,” Donghyuck motions for you to come closer.

You put his dick in your mouth and start engulfing his dick. His abdomen becomes taut as he groans and starts threading his hand on your hair.

“So good, baby. Always so good,” he rasps.

You continue hollowing your cheek and putting him in your mouth as deep as you can. You bob your head up and down and when you look up, Donghyuck looks absolutely

“Baby,” Donghyuck's voice is husky. “Baby stop, i want to cum inside you."

“Lie on your back,” Donghyuck commands as he strips himself of his boxers.

You waste no time and you lay on your back, waiting for his instructions. He props a pillow under your head and by doing so, you feel his erection on your thigh. He takes one last glance at you: nipples fully erect, cheeks flushed, your body sweaty, and your pussy absolutely drenched. He then starts inserting his dick in your aching pussy.

“fuck fuck fuck fuck,” he chants. “you’re so fucking tight and wet.” Then he pushes himself up to the hilt.

“Full,” you whisper and meet his eyes, “so dman full.”

Donghyuck groans and starts thrusting at an erratic pace. It feels so full and hot that you can’t stop moaning his name over and over again. You can feel his cock slide in and out of your soaked cunt. He clasps his hands just above where your ribs end firmly as he starts fucking you faster, hips snapping up and you can’t help but arch your back.

Donghyuck is definitely enjoying the view and he reaches his hand out to pinch your nipples. You moan. You can definitely feel your impending orgasm.

“Hyuck, fuck, I'm gonna cum,” you look at him and his thrusts go harder. “oh god I’m gonna cum Donghyuck.”

“Cum, baby.” He puts his hand on your clit and starts rubbing with his thumb, hoping to bring you closer to orgasm.

You feel the coil getting tighter and hotter. Then you come, long and hard and your body feels like jelly.

"I'm almost there baby, fuck," he chants as he trusts so deliciously in you and your body can't take much longer. You know he has the full intention of overstimulating you and it feels good. His cock feels so raw in your pussy and you can't help but feel another orgasm.

The feeling of his cock sliding so smoothly inside of you then out then in again while your chests were in such close proximity and he is directly groaning in your ear. Donghyuck seems to be enjoying himself as his groans are becoming huskier and more prolonged as he told you, “Baby you’re so fucking tight, so tight around my cock.” He goes back to kissing you sloppily, your teeth biting his lower lip as he glares at you so menacingly and hot.

“Hyuck, baby I’m g-going to cum again.” you inform him as he lifts himself and wipes with drool on the edge of your mouth.

“Let’s cum together, eh?” he asks and you nod.

Donghyuck pulls out of you and you are about to protest until he speaks “Ass up for me baby,” he says.

Your body sings in anticipation as this is the first time, after a long while, he is going to take you from behind. You stuck your ass out and you feel him slap your cunt then insert his finger in your pussy and slaps your ass this time.

“Such a good girl for me,” he starts. then he suddenly thrust his dick inside your pussy and moans in your ear, “So fucking good.” Donghyuck then starts to grip your breasts from behind, pinching your nipples as his thrusts became more erratic.

“’Gonna cum, shit shit” He groans. The rhythmic slapping of your bodies is so sinful it turns him on.

You moan gripping his sheets, you can swear your knuckles are so white from the grip.

“I'm so close baby, so close.” Donghyuck is massaging your breast.

“Hyuck, please, Hyuck I'm so close.”

Donghyuck's thrusts are getting more erratic and you are positive that you’re going to cum soon. Then, you feel Donghyuck hugging you from behind. The act feels so intimate that you can't help but clench and then both of you are cumming. Donghyuck gives one last thrust then he pulls out. He look at your backside: his cum dripping out from your cunt, then to your thighs and that looks absolutely erotic.

“I'm gonna clean you up, okay baby?" He says, “Just lay there and I’ll take care of you.”

He goes to get towels and you lay on your back. He comes back and passes the small towel over your thighs and then your pussy carefully, knowing you're still sensitive. “Feeling okay?” he asks when he finishes it up, throwing the towel somewhere in the room and laying on the bed next to you.

You hum, smiling lazily at him. “just sleepy.” You reply and he moves to press a small kiss on your lips.

"Then sleep, baby," he surrounds you with his arms, you resting your head on his chest.

You raise your head a bit, looking at him. "Are you sleeping with me?"

He nods. His finger touches the tip of your nose and he smirks. “I never notice you had a mole here.” He says.

"Yeah, you're kind of a dick," you giggle, tracing his abdomen with your fingers.

"I am," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I was too selfish denying my feelings for you and thought behaving like a dick would push you away."

"And I almost did," he kisses the top of your head. "I'm sorry, y/n."

"It's okay," you say. "As long as you don't do it again because this time I'm gonna be the one breaking your other collarbone."

He laughs. "I'm not ever letting you go, baby. I love you."

"I love you."

[badass-at-fandoming]

Just Little Ventrue Things ~

I finished a Camarilla Ventrue run of VTMB. Mostly, the only thing Ventrue these days know how to do is Dominate, run screaming, eat hot chip, and lie, and [high falsetto voice] here’s a list of other nonsense I discovered:

PC’s name is Christina; she’s a Dominatrix because I’m bi. Her sire was one of her clients, and she’s actually very, very angry about his death. She doesn’t mind being a vampire. She’s Wiccan and part of a coven

In this Camarilla run, I decided I would only do quests given by Camarilla members. My justification was that, while Christina is intelligent and curious about lore, she focuses on tasks that immediately relate to her and her goals. She’s not curious about others; won’t go out of her way to talk to them. She’s not a bleeding heart, like my other PCs, and she believes in the Camarilla’s laws. She just hates LaCroix for killing her sire. Her plan during the game is to curry as much favor within the Cam as possible and cozy up to LaCroix so she can stab him.

Enough backstory

Nonsense time

Smiling Jack laughs at you if you don’t eat a rat in the tutorial. LOL. The Ventrue dialog is like “I could barely choke down the homeless man: please don’t make me eat a rat!”

The blood in the Santa Monica haven’s fridge is now blue blood. Does regular blood make Ventrue sick? I was too scared to experiment.

[spots Mercurio] I am going to steal that ghoul

Rosa: The people you’re looking for are up there. Christina, assuming Rosa is a Cam agent: Okay, thanks, bye

Never spoke to the Thin-Bloods again (sorry Lily baby ;-;)

Everyone except Julius still leaves when the PC reaches Hollywood

If you try to feed on Julius, he WILL kick you in the head and you WILL glitch into the fire, be on fire; run away screaming in Prada

You can skip the whole basement of the Ocean House Hotel if you manage to jump over the hole in the staircase???? Like?? You mean the spookiest fucking level has been optional this whole time I”M

[ghost appears] [Christina smacks it with an axe] None of that.

Club girls speak to Christina and I’m on the FLOOR

Therese “kills” Jeanette, even though I had enough oompa to make that not happen.

Therese joins the Camarilla and says she’s in good position to be the next Prince??? Hello??? Where is our Prince Voerman ending????

Went straight to LaCroix, called him “sir,” and he name-dropped Napoleon.

LaCroix tells Christina to go visit the Anarchs. She blows the Anarchs off (Nines made a growly face, Damsel dialog yowl-exited out after I asked if she wanted to join the Cam; Skelter threatened to murder me twice). When LaCroix told Christina that, while he admired her Cam loyalty, she must listen to her enemies to understand what they wanted, it felt like he was actually being a good sire and mentor.

That’s weird.

When Christina asked for his history, he very carefully explained his lineage, like the important part of Ventrue culture it is.

Overall, I found LaCroix-being-nice-to-me extremely unsettling.

Sir. Stop smiling at me, sir. Stop being impressed I don’t ask for money. STOP MAKING ME UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE LIKE YOU, SIR.

In contrast, LaCroix sounded genuinely betrayed at the end

Also made it more obvious when he started to lose track of his marbles

Ventrue PC seems juuuuuuust tall enough for her forehead to glitch into the ceiling of literally any confined space

The dirty Elizabeth Dane policeman didn’t psspspspsp at Christina so the whole ship was 15 white-knuckled minutes of making police dance and scuttling about

There is!!! A lot less!!! Talking in this game!!! Than I remember!!! She is only good at talking and ordering people around i am bEGGING

All EXP goes to Dominate and making Christina extremely charismatic and buff.

Ventrue himbo????

Beckett un-himbo-ifies her

She insults Beckett on their first meeting, spitting out “What do you want, wolfie?!” I thought this was appropriate because she died like, 4 times on that warehouse mission and was Extremely Stressed And Under Duress

Beckett’s response of “Oh, you’re too young to have mouthed off to the truly old ones yet.” makes his later snide remark of “the young ones are so temperamental” 900% funnier. Yeah, LaCroix! Beckett thinks I’ve grown and am now more mature than you! XD

Missions involving sex workers hit different when you’re a sex worker.

Christina was incandescent with rage at the Brotherhood

Grout’s mansion mission was a lot of “I have no interest in this nonsense.”

For the first time ever, I didn’t kill anyone during the Museum quest! This is because Christina ran very fast and Dominated every guard as quickly as possible. Every single fucking guard knew she was there, but could do nothing about it, because they were dancing. The door to the sarcophagus locked (it will do this if too many guards are agro), but locked doors are no match for noclip hack.

Entertaining image of a tall woman absolutely blasting into this museum room and Beckett tackling her to the floor like wait! I must snark at you! You are legally obligated to speak with me!

Isaac is still somehow a pretty chill guy to work with if you’re Camarilla.

Christina didn’t visit VV or Ash. Interestingly, Ash didn’t show up at the hunter monastery later. Did he just die in his club? Is he still there, waiting, deciding?

Christina @ Andrei: what the fuck is this shit

“I don’t care. It’s ugly. Clean it up.”

SEWERS.

Not as bad as I was expecting

Did take shortcut, run away from fights, ducked out in the middle for a snack, and bring 7 blue blood packs tho

Gary threatened to shred her face with a cheese grater, which I thought was Toreador only dialog?? It must be connected to the Appearance Stat. Which Christina has maxed out.

When Heather became Christina’s ghoul, I was delighted because I thought this meant Christina would always have fresh blood.

No

If you ask to feed on her too soon after the last time, Heather says she feels light headed and wants to lie down. The dialog exits out

I love you, Heather bb

Perfected the art of nudging NPCs into corners

Mitnick’s quests now feature Enforced Nap Time for all guards

Seriously, Dominate is ridiculously powerful, hooooly shit. I get why people like it. I also like it when people do things I ask them to do.

Christina can’t sneak, but she CAN strongly encourage everyone to choke on their own tongues.

Very high contrast in the beginning of the game: 2 punches would knock her over, but anyone she spoke to would obey immediately and without question

Chinatown goes by ridiculously fast if you can’t sneak and don’t do any sidequests besides Mitnick’s.

For the first time ever, Zhao survived! This is because Christina made him take a nap.

He just told her to leave

You’re welcome, my good dude

IDK if it’s a game glitch, but Christina would vocalize? In battle, she grunts with effort and pain.

Got to the point where I kept expecting Dominate dialog in every interaction and would get disappointed if it didn’t show up. What do you mean I have to actually convince people? That’s lame.

Christina was polite and charming to Ming Xiao, who also conveyed a deeper betrayal than normal at the end. ;-;

I promise to give you a Ventrue boy toy soon, Xiao

Finale arc quests went by VERY FAST because Christina can’t sneak for shit. Just run in, Dominate blazing

You can skip the outside bit of the Hallowbrook Hotel if you find the open door on the top level what the fuuuuuuuuuCK

[“A Little Party Never Killed Nobody” plays while Christina wipes out the Sabbat in 10 minutes]

Andrei disappeared mid-fight and didn’t come back until I complained that only I was allowed to run away from boss fights

I’m categorizing “triggering the interaction to save Heather” as something quite difficult to do. The timing has to be just right. I’ve missed it twice now. BUT hacking into the game to save her is easy.

I love you, Heather bb

Final Beckett talk had the vibe of “You’re a very different person than me, but you’re also High Humanity and trying to do good. You don’t deserve to die.”

Damsel threatens to kick the shit out of Christina and is extremely reluctant to tell her where Nines is

“Out of all people, they send you? All right, let’s just talk terms.” - Nines because Christina was short with him one (1) time

WEREWOLF HARD

You can just?? Walk out of your haven?? Without speaking to Jack at all???

I didn’t do that

But I could have

[”Dust in the Wind” plays while Christina kills entire Camarilla hit squad in 3 minutes]

You can visit Mercurio and Trip on your way out of Santa Monica??

Mercurio makes no comment on the blood hunt. Business as usual with him. This is fine.

Christina: I’m SO going to adopt that ghoul. And perhaps Isaac can be convinced to part with Romero...

(For the first time ever, my PC boinked Romero. Twice, to receive the break up email)

This is definitely a glitch, but Christina brushed up against Caine, and a worried voice said, “Are you all right?” It sounded like the same voice actor, but a higher pitch?

Always nice to think about Caine demonstrating care

Christina asked Caine who he is, and Caine replied that he “gets people where they’re going. [He’s] a driver,”  which is a nice nod (lol) to both his literal job as a driver and as a shepherd/creator/god to Kindred. Caine creates and makes fate.

Caine triple checks with Christina that she’s sure Strauss won’t betray her. Thanks, Vampire Dad. :’D

For some reason, only other Ventrue guarded LaCroix’s tower. I wonder if this is intentional. Like all the other Camarilla Clans backed Strauss and left? So only LaCroix’s Ventrue lackeys remain? Anyway, it created some weird moments where Christina fought her double.

KILL YOUR DOUBLE

Sheriff laughed in haughty joy that he was to kill Christina. I don’t remember him laughing in other playthroughs.

Christina ruining Caine and Jack’s prank oh noes

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[asterekmess]

S3A - E3

Hiya, back with another episode of the rewatch. I am...not looking forward to this episode. *deep breath* here we go.

Read More’s save sanity

Hey, so I know this is a really heavy first bullet point...but isn’t anybody else uncomfortable with the image of a black boy running around out of his mind with fury and bloodlust and going after little...white kids? Am I reading too much into this? I know Cora’s running around too. I just...whatever, I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut.

Straight from way too heavy to way too light. So that girl dropped a big jar of fireflies, but they say that fireflies that actually glow aren’t native to California, which would mean these are part of the whole magic thing going on, and at the end of the whole firefly thing they get rid of all the fireflies. So...what if someone finds that jar and opens it?

...nevermind the jar opened up somehow...

Okay, listen, I have a petty and biased hatred for this moment with Scott. Like...is it so hard to say, “I had to get the kids he was chasing away from him?” It’s not like they don’t have time..they just stand there in silence for a while. I also hate the savior pose he strikes there with the kids clinging to him. Like, I get that it’s a very common trope. I still hate it. I use the anti-scott tag for a reason, let me be salty.

why te fuck does Scott FLOAT in the intro?

Lydia has seriously emptied an entire bottle of ibuprofen? She should be dead. Or at least at a hospital. She’s too smart not to know how dangerous it is to take ibuprofen (even the recommended dosage) for too long at a time.

Lydia...Lydia knows about werewolves now. Did no one tell her about this whole escape plan for the betas? She could’ve helped.

Cue the shitty SFX running. Y’all look ridiculous.

Man, come on. Are you seriously telling me that Derek never played hide and seek with his siblings? Like, they’re werewolves for fuck’s sake. Derek never did fake chases through the woods? He tracked PETER for christ’s sake, all the way across town. He was like yards behind him before he got shot that one time.

This show relies a lot on character’s losing time and just finding themselves places. Jackson losing time, Lydia losing time. Lydia losing time again, but in a new way. Later, it’ll be Stiles losing time. I’m just saying, it happens a lot.

It’s fucking august in California. Does it actually get that cold? Poor Lydia’s nose is always red cus she gets forced to wander around in the dark and freezing. I can see her goosebumps when she kneels next to the pool.

I know it’s gotta be hell on her voice, but I think it’s so interesting the way Lydia screams and how it has to jump around the chords before hitting that one note. I don’t know why I find that so interesting. Guess it just reminds me of a wolf howl. Seriously, look ‘em up. Weirdly similar. GO  Holland!

What do you mean the last memory that she had of her mother, Scott? You should’ve told her RIGHT THEN. Right off the bat. There was TONS of time between her getting bit and when she died. You should’ve told Allison right away. Fuck you, you had all of spring break!

god fucking damn it now I’m crying again. Erica, sweetie...Derek honey...

I’m trying to get past the tears to enjoy this romancey stuff, with the candles and the lil lamps, and the LOTR references. I’m really trying.

This is totally not what I should be thinking about while watching the two of them make out, but like, so does Caitlin not go to their school? She just sort of appears a couple times, but Stiles doesn’t seem to know her. Maybe she went to the same school as Heather?

don’t like bugs don’t like bugs ew ew ew ew

Hi cora!

Isaac! You’re somehow feeling better, even though you were apparently out of commission like an hour or two ago...wait huh?

I gotta say, okay, listen I just can’t help it. I know this is serious, but that lil smirk on Isaac’s face? I don’t think he looks smug, personally, I think he looks like he’s about to go play, go rolling around in the grass and leaves, playing with a pack member. He’s been alone for so long this summer, what with Jackson leaving. he’s had no wolves to play with (cus’ we know Derek’s a grump). As worried as he’s gotta be, I bet he’s having funnnnnn.

I..uh..Cora what sound is coming out of your mouth? That..that does not sound like a wolf. That sounds like a wild cat of some kind. Wolves don’t make that screechy noise. They bark and growl, like the sound that came just before. That doesn’t even sound like a roar. Who gave you cheetah sounds?? You’re canine, not feline. Come on they did SO WELL with Derek’s sounds-- No. NO Do not tell me they gave Cora cat sounds cus she’s a chick. I’m gonna fight someone. (For those of you interested, if you scroll to the bottom of this webpage, you can listen to wolf growl snippets and they’re such good quality (I think the bark snippet is broken tho). Listen to those whimpers and whines too, fucking fascinating. I love wolves. Such beautiful animals.)

Cora with Isaac and Scott attacking her and growling at her: “Fuck you, I’ll bite you!” Cora with Derek just growling at her: “BYE bro!”

Stiles, honey! I missed you! Literally, just the sound of your voice makes me feel better.

Scott, Seriously, Derek just said you haven’t tracked either of them anywhere near the pool. You’ve both been following them all night! Yeah, they’re dangerous, but they couldn’t get to the pool and back in time to fight you! I”M GONNA SMACK YOU. DOn’t use that fucking patronizing tone of voice when Derek is TELLING YOU FACTS.

OUR fault? OUR FAULT? I’m gonna fucking *kicks a chair and storms off, grumbling* *Spins around, cus fuck it i’m gonna yell. it’s my post.* NONE OF THIS is DEREK”S FAULT. NOne of this is ISAAC’S FAULT. Fuck dude, I’ll even say that it’s not Scott’s fault! If it’s anyone other than the Alphas’ fault, it’s Allison’s, but tbf she thought she was helping.

DEREK SHUT YOUR PRETTY MOUTH. I swear to god.

ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING? DEREK WOULD NEVER SUGGEST MURDERING BOYD AND CORA. NEVER. He thought Cora was fucking dead and he just found out she’s alive! HE WOULD NEVER. NEVER. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. *Throws a plate* YOU KNOW YOU ONLY FUCKING WROTE IT SO THAT YOU COULD SHOW OFF SCOOT MCFUCKFACE’S SUDDEN FLIP IN MORALITY BY HAVING HIM SAY THAT “KILLING ISN’T THE RIGHT THING TO DO” OH REALLY Scott? REALLY? Killing is bad? YOU DIDN’T THINK SO WHEN YOU SPENT MONTHS attempting to commit PREMEDITATED MURDER of a GUY WHO WAS ALREADY DYING. MONTHS. Scott. FUCK YOU. FUCK THIS SHOW. 13 minutes in and I’m already about to chuck my laptop across the room. MY CAT WON’T EVEN CUDDLE ME ANYMORE I’M SO ANGRY.

And now I’m really fucking sad, cus’ I hate watching this poor girl get told she’s just hallucinating.

WHY does everyone go shopping at fucking 8 pm in Beacon Hills? What...Chris you don’t even have a day job.

I don’t...I don’t understand this scene with Isaac. Like..what exactly are they trying to imply? That he thinks she’s hot? All he’s seen is her raging around with fangs free and glowing eyes. And yeah, some people definitely think that’s hot. But like...that’s just so...what? I choose to read this scene as him just wondering about Derek’s home life. Like, “Since when do you have siblings? Why don’t you tell me these things? I have an aunt?”

WHAT DO YOU mean “Your world?” CHRIS YOU GREW UP AS A HUNTER. THIS IS YOUR WORLD TOO. He was YOUR dad. You’ve been a part of this WAY longer than Scott! Don’t blame the werewolves for ruining your life! THAT WAS YOUR DAD and YOUR STUPID HUNTER CODE’S FAULT.

OKay, listen, I have so many issues with this I need a therapist to mediate my conversations with it. FUCK YOU TW for bringing in Chris. I dont’ give a fuck if he’s experienced or trying to redeem himself. He is a HUNTER he has Slaughtered Derek’s kind for his entire life. He may want to do the right thing, but the right thing definitely doesn’t involved him Standing in front of Derek and forcing him to listen to hunter PROPAGANDA BULLSHIT. I’M SO FUCKING MAD. This was so inappropriate, holy shit. SO far beyond okay. Even the CONCEPT that werewolves wouldn’t be as good at tracking other werewolves as hunters are is fucking stupid. You said it yourself, Chris they can follow scent up to TWO MILES AWAY. Wolves can track their prey for weeks without losing the scent. Just because Isaac stepped on some footprints doesn’t mean he’s incapable of finding them. And what’s all this shit about them “Being able to rely on their human half”? NO? First off, minor detail. Werewolves aren’t half wolf, half human, dumbass. They’re all werewolf. AND The show has said like Ten TIMES that they can’t access their human form/the thought processes they would normally have during a full moon without an anchor, and Boyd and Cora are effectively anchorless on this moon. This is just utter bullshit and I’m so goddamn angry I don’t even know how to process it. “If you’re not trained like me you have no idea this print is Boyd’s” YEAH THEY DO. THEY CAN LITERALLY SMELL IT.  DEREK ALREADY IDENTIFIED THE TRACKS. FUCK you.

ALSO. Getting REAL SICk of people slicing their wrists every time they need a little blood for a ritual or for bait. YOU CUT THE MEAT of the arm. ON THE BACK. WHERE YOU WON”T HIT a VEIN. DUMBASSES.

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DO YOU MEAN NINE YEARS DEREK? YOU’D BETTER MEAN CORA WAS NINE YEARS OLD, CUS’ THE FIRE WAS SIX YEARS AGO. and what do you mean you don’t have a lock on her scent? you’ve been following it just fine all night! Wolves remember human scents decades later.

Booooo, i hate the entire concept of wolves going mad on a full moon. It’s lazy and boring. Wolves are not vicious animals, they’re shy as fuck. THey don’t attack without reason. Werewolves should be the same. Full moon’s enhance their wolfishness, so it should make them MORE SHY. The moon should enhance whatever they feel, rather than just making them mindlessly aggressive.

“Primal apex Predatory satisfaction”? seriously? Shut the FUCK up Chris, I’m really fucking sick of your hunter bedtime stories.

....i hate this woman.

Casual reminder that Isaac wouldn’t suggest Killing boyd. Ever. I fucking hate these writers.

yeah yeah, running scene. blah blah blah.

See, I never really understood those fics where Peter just refuses to give anyone any info. He tells Derek what’s up constantly. He didn’t lie or hold anything back when he helped Derek figure out what was up with Jackson or how Jackson needed Lydia to be cured. He walks right up to Derek and says “Hey, so those Alphas clearly want you to join them and that means they’re trying to make you kill your own pack” Peter helps Derek all the time. He’s just a dick while he does it.

Look, I love this moment with Peter, his “Let Scott be the hero of his morally black and white world. You and I, we live in shades of gray” lines are so good, and they speak so much to his character and personality. And he’s right. But I hate that they built the scene around Derek planning to kill his own pack, and following Scott around doing as he asks. I just hate what they do to Derek here.

The dog whistles suddenly have no effect on their hearing? Love it.

Take a second to bring up a plotline you won’t explain for ages. I vibe with that, so long as it is eventually explained.

OOh, suddenly BHHS has a football field?

Not gonna cry, not gonna cry. FUCK I’m crying again.

I just...dude I’m over here trying not to completely lose my shit and cry like a baby, and Stiles is in the middle of panicking and losing his oldest friend and he still puts the dots together. Like. Jesus christ this boy.

NOW Derek? You choose NOW to take Every Single Step down the stairs? JUMP.

...what is this a cartoon? Glowing eyes in the dark? one too many sets? Yeah, yeah, I get it, they’re supposed to look like fireflies.

Why did you stop to look at each other after blasting them? Just go.

OH, yeah, of course Scott has to be the one to hear the extra heartbeat. Scott. Not Derek. Not the ALpha who’s senses are heightened above the a Beta’s. Not DEREK the ALPHA who has a PACK, which makes his senses even stronger that that. No. Scott. The omega. Because he’s like an inch closer to the door. Yah. Sure. That makes sense. SUre.

Dude I wish my high school had that much backup supplies free for the teacher’s to grab. Also, I hate this woman.

WHy were the lights off in the boiler room if she was in the back grabbing stuff? That..what?

OH. I forgot, so Caitlin’s out of high school? She’s...what, 18? 19? Okay, fine, I’ll take that.

Oh stop faking Jennifer, fuck you.

Crying again. dont’ mind me. This is Derek. Not choosing to kill his beta or his long lost sister. Choosing to die himself instead. THAT is Derek (it’s self-sacrificing and it’s because he gives his own life no worth, but it’s still him.)

HOW IS IT DAWN? THAT WOULD BE like 6 HOURS of standing around! Or did the sun not set until like 10 pm? Hm? This show has no concept of time, and werewolves are very time oriented. Someone take away the show from the writers. They’ve lost their privileges.

I hate this. I hate that Isaac shouts for Scott. Not Derek. That’s just so fucking dumb. I’m so tired of it. I’m just so fucking sick of it.

I don’t even wanna look at this. I hate this woman so much.

YOU REALIZE that the third Virgin was Taken. The third virgin is DEAD. the sacrifices have been made, and now Jennifer has control over people. This is where she starts controlling Derek. Right Fucking Here. He loses his agency the moment they touch, if not the moment they make eye contact or he gets in range. I hate it. I HATE IT.

BOOM. Episode three, and Stiles already has the villain after next figured out. He’s past the Alphas now. 

Final Thoughts: I’m angry, I’m tired, and I honestly got very little joy or interest out of this whole episode. I hate what this show did to werewolves and how much insane Scott glorification there is and how every little thing HAS to be about Scott. Scott’s relationship with Chris. Scott saving the kids. Scott’s the one Isaac calls for. Scott’s the one who hears the heartbeats. I get that he’s the main character. I also hate that he’s the main character. It’s just so sad and pathetic and boring and just....ugh. I’m going to bed. I will try for another episode or two tomorrow.

(I promise I’m okay. Just go listen to the wolf howls for me in that link, huh? Listen to those beauties and imagine how amazing a wolf show could have been.)

[saltyslack-toast]

#Knock The Book 2: The Devil All the Time

WELL, I MADE IT TO THE 2nd BOOK REVIEW OF MINE, MEANS THAT I’M A PASSIONATE AND PERSISTENT BITCH, PERIODT. No actually I’m just bored and got really nothing to do, so here I am making judgmental, invalid and uncritical book review just to ease my guilt for doing nothing at home (just so my mom see me working through my laptop).

Okay The Devil All the Time is actually my first English book. The story of how I got this book as a matter of fact is quite irritating and funny at the same time. My uni friend, she saw this book in a modest book bazaar near her hometown. She was reading the title and the word ‘devil’ just remind her of me, she bought it and just gave it straight to me…... I’m sad but like thankful???

It’s a secondhand and hardcover book but I don’t really mind, considering the fact that the quality is still very nice though, except the worn spots stained all over the cover that make the book looks very old. My friend bought this only for RP 25.000, yes dude you’re not misread this shit, it was THAT CHEAP (whoever sell and own this book before me, I really appreciate it). Although if you want to buy the new one, you can get this book for USD 26.95 which converted in rupiah would be RP 407.500, yeah its cost pretty fancy for broke students like us and I don’t know if the book’s supposed to be available in your local bookstore but I think you can find it in worldwide shipping online store like amazon or any other shop perhaps. The book’s cover illustrate a dying white mutt hanging on the ‘log’ and bunch of cross everywhere, the cover is actually make sense when you read the book. It published in 2011 by doubleday in United States of America. The Author is Donald Ray Pollock, and you can find the sum information about his background written on the cover, but based form the book’s cover you can also check his website in donaldraypollock.com but when I checked, I’m not sure if it’s really his website since it just like pest control website (LMAOO I HAD NO IDEA FR). Anyway,

Let’s go breaking down the book!

“… Too much religion could be as bad as too little, maybe even worse, but moderation was just not in her husband’s nature”

The whole story in this book, basically give you portraits regarding the life of lunatics in the time after WWII. Nope, there is no sums up about the events happened in that moment so chill y’all non-historical enthusiast bitches. This book gonna give you a bizarre experience reading it, the first 10 pages of this book was already psychedelic, I assure that shit. Have you watched Games of Thrones series on HBO? It’s chilling right how Ned Stark, the protagonist of the main series died in the first season???? EXACTLY that was the vibes u got after reading the first chapter and get crazier every time u read forward. By the way, this book embodied 7 chapters and 55 sub-chapters, the chapter in odd and even numbers has 2 different main focuses on each characteristic exist, here I sum it up for you:

On the odd numbers chapters (1, 3, and so on), the central story of these chapters is circling among the family of Willard Russel, his Mom Emma and Uncle Earskell and also those 2 insane peeps Roy Laferty and Theodore. Willard Russel used to be a navy army and a bit skeptical dealing with religion issues just like his uncle, but his mom has always been a devoted worshiper. Willard married to the beautiful and kind-hearted women named Charlotte and they was given a son named Arvin Eugene Russel, everything was normal until Charlotte got sick and Willard gone crazy praying to god for his wife’s recovery and poor little Arvin has to suffer the predicament by his own self. Their stories always give me religious-fanaticism-gloomy vibes (is that even make sense??). Don’t even get me started with the life stories of the two brutes-ass man, Roy Laferty and Theodore they were used to be ‘preacher’ in Emma and young Willard’s Church. Nothing I could say further because it’s gonna be a major spoiler for you, but their stories really giving you insights of how frustration and fanaticism allow people to do something beyond their common sense.

“You remember what I told you the other day?” He asked Arvin

“About the boys on the bus?,”

“Well, that’s what I meant, you just got to pick the right time”

On the even numbers chapters (2, 4, and so on), the main tales is pertaining on the journey of Handerson couple, Carl and Sandy. They were like the Bonnie and Clyde but sad and exploitative version in this book. Carl is a ‘photographer’ and sandy working as a waitress in a café called Wooden Spoon (Which the place where Charlotte used to work as a waitress and the place she met Willard for the first time as well). During summertime they got this ‘ritual’ ((but not in a religious way)) where they drive to different states and give a ride to the hitchhikers found on the way, then Carl forcefully offer them to fuck Sandy for free (HIS OWN WIFE) while he took pictures of them fucking and after that Carl kill them and take all the money those hitchhikers got in their pocket (dude I can’t even judge anything). But to be honest, I’m not a fan of these two characters because they were all so ANNOYING to death. And then there is Bodecker Lee who’s a police and also Sandy’s brother, ok that’s it, I’m not gonna give you any spoilers.

“… He went down the street and sat on a bench in a park the rest of the day thinking about killing himself instead. Something broke in him that day. For the first time he could see that his whole life added up to absolutely nothing…”

You might be confused since there are quite a lot of keen characters in this book but there’s a point where all these bitches are relating to each other, so chill y’all impatient gripe-ass. Overall, the flow of the story is undoubtedly interesting for you to keep going throughout the whole story, because every phase gonna make you wondering about next things happened to them. But, the transitions among every chapters is quite uncomfortable for me, because sometimes when the story has reached its climax there is no resolutions coming to solve the problem immediately, and you’re faced to read the new chapter with a whole different setting and characters so it’s kind of ruining the vibes and emotions the book has made me, but again this just my personal preference so please don’t judge (while everything I did right now is judging inaccurately).

“He realized that he would never preach again, but that was all right. He’d never been much good at it anyway. Most people just wanted to hear the cripple play”

However, what I like the most from this book is the deepening of every character exists is so fascinating, even for just the side or supporting character (for god sake I’m sorry idk what to called a character that isn’t the main one), for example a bus driver in Meade, Ohio which Willard talked to when he was on the way home after the war ended, the narration wrapped and portraits the driver’s life perfectly without make us bored, and there’s still a bunch of interesting narration about the life of the side characters in this book that also as odds and intriguing as the main character’s background (jesus, everything happened and everyone in this book is just so strange and peculiar I swear to god). The story finished in a most tragic-beautiful but still gloomy way, even though it’s quite predictable but still a very good closing for me personally. To be noted, on the way to the end of the story, there will be emerge another asshole priest character named Preston Teagardin, ready to shake you up until you finish the book. But still, let’s said this particular ‘last minute character’ has proving that the author is paying so much attention of how the story ended isn’t leaving any 'rush-made' impression (this shit might confused you I’m sorry my English hasn’t got any better *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign* *sorry hand sign*). # hashtag attention to the detail bro.

Holy crap, that’s the first time I’m almost able to cut all the bullshit I intend to bring it up here.

This book is one of my top 5 books that you have to read once in a life time (although I haven’t discover the other four, omg im sorry y’all). Little information for you that the first time I read this book (yeah I read it for quite few times) is when the campaign of presidential election era, which in Indonesia the religious are pretty sentimental issues, some of the people in my country suddenly became those annoying fanatical preachers, man I can’t stand it. And this book is just precisely relating to that condition and I get to know at least a glance of what the heck odds things happened in their minds, since you know fanaticism and stupidity doesn’t hit only on particular group of religions, race, gender or anything, we can all be stupid and brainless (especially me because I basically have no brain). There probably quite many scenes that is pretty disturbing to read (I don’t know if people could be triggered by it???? But I guess so) so yeah a bit warning. Overall, I genuinely recommend this book for you guys because every element in this book is almost perfect, the storylines, bold characters, and the RARE AND STRANGE AND SENSITIVE topic promote by the author in this novel is totally a BOOM. Don’t worry reading this book not going to give you those agnostic and atheist vibes HAHA chill I still consider myself a devoted Muslim tho (hashtag masyaallah ukthi).

By the way before I wrapped it up, I hear that this book will be made into a netflix film. WELL, of course I’m excited because the casts are so amazing, and I love Netflix adaptation and I enjoy watch movies as much as I read books (again, unnecessary information of mine *sorry hand sign*). I found that the release date is postponed from the origin plan in 15th May (which is three days ago from I posted this on my page) due to I don’t know perhaps corona because that bitch has ruined everyone in the world’s schedule, but for real I can’t find the exact information regarding to the updated release date, so while you wait the film to launch, why don’t you just go read the book first? I assure you this one not gonna give you any disappointment.

I think that would be it for this 2nd rubbish book review of mine. Although, I think I made a little progressive from the first one (OR MAYBE NOT???? I’M SORRY Y’ALL) but of course there’s still much deficiency I served. Still, I hope my writing get better in the process of making this whole novel of reviewing book inaccurately. To be honest, I wrote this shit not for getting any engagements or audience but for my own satisfied HAHA. So yeah I’m literally comfortable writing for nothing. But bitch guess what I’m just gonna keep going, until I could professionally writing and make it for a living? Well, amen for that.

Xiao, See you in Advance!

[anja-mittags]

ALBUM RECS: LATE NIGHT EDITION

Frank Turner/No Man’s Land

1. oh fuck yeah, there’s like folk and there’s fucking folk. getting a ghost story and a sick beat. nice.

2. sister rosetta? like a nun? more pop-y than the last one. is rosetta in the hall of fame? who is this mystery rosetta of soul. shout out to philly, her resting place. The white boy hype would eventually fade. oh if only haha.

3. WILLIAM BLAKE? (insert that beyonce? jpeg) this is queer and you cannot change my mind. oof the great and good they never could recognize a prophet born. this is completely up my alley. i was obsessed with exactly two things in middle school: poetry and emo music and worshipped william blake as a mad prophet. i’ll be with you damned or saved. mmm love it.

4. very hmm jazzy. oh my god wait is this an ode to a harmonica? as a lady. maybe. it’s very calming tho. just a good time.

5. So this is definitely homosexual yeah? I’m a lonely heart looking for the real romance of my life. oh amen. I am living for this dude singing I haven’t been a perfect wife. by this alone, he has my respect.

6. oh it’s another story time type of song. we’re still alive. we’re still alive. this is completely apt for the now. i really love this and strangely it kinda reminds me of dr. stone, do not @ me.

7. i feel like ive heard this before, not in a oh ive heard this on the radio or its a familiar tune, but in a deja vu sort of way where youre not quite sure how you can guess the lyrics but you feel them that deeply. idk if that makes sense but it’s really nice. if anybody asks i named myself after the sun. love!! oh fuck its about mata hari sick!!!

8. oh we’re picking up. a little ditty about dora hand. oh fuck its going hard in this middle bit. it’s a little country, about cowboy country and it’s pretty damn good.

9. I know when he goes first person he’s probably just telling the story in the pov of a woman but !!!! just some forget me nots for the women they deemed unclean. this is a sad tale!! but it’s really charming. more ghost stories!!! lovers that agreed to meet in a graveyard on christmas thats hella.

10. oh a faster tempo? oh shit punk vibes. she taught herself to speak so she could set herself free! fuck i think this is my favorite track. seriously everything about the composition of the song rocks. she isnt gonna hide her face anymore, she isn’t gonna know her place anymore!!!

11. kassiani, the women who rejected the king. i gotta say i love him being such a story teller. it makes my heart warm truly. i will not kiss those sacred feet.

12. oh a drowning song, of course gotta have that. i’m not being sarcastic! you just gotta have it, for a folksy album i dont make the rules. i like the beat. in her heart we find our harbor.

13. oh man this track. there’s emotion here. unsure of myself in no man’s land. wait oh my god i just realized why its called no MAN’s land. like these are all about women. wow.

7/10, I absolutely love this dude’s style. sign me up to listen to more of his tracks because he’s legit. this album is super special but also makes me realize how many forgotten stories there are of women!! thank you @sportsgaytm !! 

send me album recs to listen to during social distancing

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

[kpop-ruined-my-social-life]

White Satin Sheets | Ch. 4

→ Preview  Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3

→ Pairing: Spoiled Rich!JB/JaebumXReader

→ Author’s Note: The previously is in Jaebum’s POV, Jaebum’s POV is in italics. Also, the story has sort of taken a turn because I wanted to give Jaebum some character development. I know it him being nicer is a bit random but I wanted to add it to the story. 

→ WC: 2.5K

→ POV: First Person

→ Rating: Def rated G/PG like there will be smut in later chapters tho

→ Contains: My hard work and me finally overcoming a serious case of writers block.

→AU: Playboy!Jaebum, Spoiled rich boy!Jaebum, Student!Reader, Heir!Jaebum, and contract marriage AU.

→ Requests: Open

→ Masterlist

Previously

Fuck.

I sat up out of bed, my alarm going off what felt like too soon, but that was normal. I got up and began dressing. I walked downstairs as I continued to fix my hair and walked into the dining room to eat breakfast.

“What do you think of Y/n?” I asked Mr. Choi, someone, who had served as my butler/driver for years. “I think she is a fine fiancee, sir. Quiet the young lady.” He said as he set down a drink for me and I nodded slowly as I slowly ate my breakfast. “What do you think of her sir?” He asked as he stepped back from the table.

“I think she’ll be fun to mess with,” I said as I let a devilish smirk stretch across my face.

Once I woke up I changed my clothes, something comfortable yet something that was not my pajamas. I walked downstairs, being greeted with bows from each and every staff member I walked by. As I made my way into the dining room I was met with the sight of a rather large breakfast that seemed fit for a king. I walked in on Jaebum sitting at the head of the table, scrolling on an iPad and drinking coffee, steadily taking bites of his food. I hesitantly formed a small smile as I walked to the table and glanced at the selections. 

I reached to pull out my own chair quickly being moved out of the way before a server pulled out my chair for me. I slowly sat down and a server began preparing my plate with the food I had previously had my eye on for more than just a few seconds. I smiled while mumbling a small thank you as I took the plate. 

“Good morning Jaebum,” I said quietly as I took a sip of my coffee and I glanced at him. He hummed softly and looked down at his work, not even caring to glance up at me. One of the older servers walked in and Jaebum sat up a bit, closing the cover of the iPad and handing it over to a server. 

“Good morning young master Jaebum.” The older man said as he bowed with his hand covering his abdomen. “Good morning Geun.” He said softly and respectfully. I looked at Jaebum out of the corner of my eye, shocked, this was the most respect he had given anyone, other than his parents since I’ve become his fake contract bride. 

“You have yet to introduce me to your fiancee...” the man said and stood facing a space between me and Jaebum. “Ah~, this is Y/N. Y/N this is Geun, he has been by my father’s side since they were both young-” He said, obviously about to say more before cutting him off and bowing as he spoke. “Good morning young miss.” He said before he stood with a smile. “My family has been taking care of the master’s for generations, a very proud and loyal craft we have.” He said laughing slightly. “I’ve known the young master since he was a newborn, my son is actually training in the main estate to become Jaebum’s butler alongside Mr. Choi once he becomes of the respected age.” He said and Jaebum made a face, showing his dislike for his son at a simple mention at the fact he would be serving Jaebum in just a few months.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, I’m Jaebum’s fiancee. Although I assume you already were aware of that.” I said and he smiled with a small nod. “If you ever want to know anything about the young master, from petty secrets, embarrassing photos, how he did in school, even his many previous partn-” Geun attempted to continue speaking before Jaebum coughed loudly and purposely. Geun let a wide smile spread across his face. “What is the reason for your visit Geun, I thought you were coming with mother and father the next time they decided to come to visit,” Jaebum asked as he cut his food. “Well, I’m just here to grab something for the master of the house, he left it in the study last we visited. He has an important meeting today and you know he is beginning to become forgetful of small things such as these.” He said and smiled before Jaebum nodded and Geun excused himself to fulfill his duties. 

“Left a file?” I asked softly and I looked at Jaebum, “I thought all files for huge companies like yours were all online now.” I said and Jaebum scoffed slightly. “My father doesn’t trust the world of technology when it comes to the most important things. Money, Family, Health.” He said listing them on his fingers. “Since it is a file for the company...” he said as he looked at his fork and twisted it in his hand, “It isn’t health because neither him or mother are sick. The family would only come up if it was about the official heir. So I assume it has to do with money, probably some random overseas client finally coming to the main office that he wants to impress.” He said and took a bite of his food, the server who had taken the iPad in Jaebum’s place attempted to hand it back to him, Jaebum waved his hand, mumbling something about being at the table for a meal with work would not sit well with Geun. 

“So... Geun has been taking care of your family for a long time huh?” I asked as I began to eat, slowly chewing my food and appreciating the chef’s work. “Yeah, he is my father’s best friend and he and his wife basically raised me while my parents were busy.” He said and took another sip of his coffee, still not having looked at me once other than when he introduced me to Geun. I looked down a bit as I began to sense a small bit of tension from Jaebum when he mentioned his parent’s being busy. “Does his wife also work at your parent’s estate?” I asked and he nodded, almost sadly as his shoulders moved to slump over slightly. “Mr. Lee Geun and Mrs. Lee Eun Jung, while Geun has been by my father’s side since he was a toddler, Miss Eun Jung has been by my aunt’s. When my father took over the company and Geun and Miss Eun Jung got married, Miss Eun Jung became the official nanny for our family. She didn’t raise my brothers, but she is basically my mother.” He said and looked down again before he slowly pushed food around his plate with his fork before setting his fork down and pushing his plate away. He stood from the table after wiping his face and hands with the cloth napkin. “I think that is enough of my past for you to hear today, I have some work I have to get to.” He said and finally looking at me, his eyes no longer gleaming with playfulness, rather they were dark with a type of sadness I couldn’t even comprehend. 

I nodded and took a sip of my drink, glancing at him when he began to turn away. “I’ll be down around lunch if you’d like to join me...” he said softly “we can sit on the terrace and talk more.” I smiled at him softly, shocked to the point of freezing when he shot one back before making his way out of the room.

When I could no longer hear Jaebum’s steps and those of the servants who followed his every move, I heard heavy footsteps coming down the hall towards the dining room. “Young master, I will be leaving now,” Geun walked slightly into the room as he stated his farewell. He smiled at me and moved to my side of the table quickly. “I know the young master keeps a lot of secrets and seems like a problem child, but please be patient.” he smiled and grabbed a note before quickly writing something on it, setting it next to my hand mumbling a ‘look at it once I am gone’. I nodded in response and as I heard the front door open and close I looked around the dining room, making sure none of my assigned servants were looking over my shoulder or spying on me. I opened the sheet of paper to find beautifully trained handwriting and a phone number.

‘Miss Y/N, please get in touch with my lovely wife, she never asks about the young master but I know she would like updates on his well being and to know that he has finally found someone who will stay by his side and make him happy a way none of us could. Thank you. 258-xxx-xxxx Lee Eun Jung’ 

I stared at the note, reading the same line over and over, I wanted to know more about Im Jaebum, the life he has led to this point, if the articles were true, and what happiness he wanted, and what he needed to fill the void he so obviously has in his heart. 

Throughout the time leading up to lunch the servers following me around and tending to needs I didn’t even know I had, had switched out several times in order to have their meals or work on other household duties. I made my way to the terrace, although I knew this house was big I didn’t expect it to look so ethereal every time I stepped into the view of the back garden. The terrace was one connected to the library, marble pillars and railing lined the sides. The railing all the way to the top of the terrace was covered in calming blue moon wisteria vines. I looked out over the railing and in the garden, every color and kind of flower was placed almost too perfectly, but just enough out of place to look native to the ground they were planted. I jumped slightly as the glass doors to the terrace opened, this time being held by door stops as Jaebum walked towards the table followed by servers with our food. Once they set it down he quickly waved them away. As the doors to the terrace closed Jaebum took off his jacket and tie, setting them to the side on another chair. He unbuttoned the top button to his white dress shirt and sat down. I slowly followed his movements as I looked at him, waiting to know when I could begin making my plate. 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” He said softly, “Which earlier?” I giggled slightly as he poured my drink for me and handed me the glass. “All of them,” he smiled back at me, “I know I’m not the nicest and when Geun comes around it brings something else in me out. So I’m also sorry for getting slightly deep in my emotions earlier.” He said and gulped slightly as he looked down at his plate. “It's fine, I found it interesting...” I said softly and he looked at me confused, “your past I mean, not you changing.” I said as I began to help my self to the food laid out in the middle of the table. 

“I’m still going to tease you” he laughed, “don’t think I won’t.” he smiled as he cut into his food, looking at me while he took a bite. “Really? I thought we were finally becoming close,” I said jokingly causing us both to laugh, “We are.” He said, at his words I almost choked on my food, forcing it down my throat so I didn’t. “I’m happy to become friends with you, since we will  be around each other all the time and we are technically engaged, it wouldn’t hurt to be nicer to you.” He said and smiled at me.

“Can you tell me more about how you were as a child? I don’t really have anything to tell you because I know you did some pretty in-depth research about me before we signed our contracts.” I said causing him to grimace at the word research. “What do you want to know?” He said softly and looked at his food, focusing on his food. “Your happiest memory,” I said and he smiled slightly, setting down his knife and fork and sitting back in his chair. He smiled at me “You know, my previous fiancees never asked me things like this, it was more of ‘how much money do you have?’, ‘how much of it is mine once we get married?’“ He said and his smile turned into a smirk before he sat up straighter, still leaned against the back of his chair. 

“My happiest memory...” he said and looked around slightly before looking at the garden, “I was probably around the age of 7, my parents threw a garden party to celebrate Jinyoung becoming first in his class. I wasn’t allowed to invite any of my friends because they were too young and ‘unpolished’ I guess is how you would put it. The garden at my parent’s house is much bigger than this one, but this one holds a lot more depth for me.” he said and stood up moving to the rail and looking over it a bit before he turned and leaned against it, closing his eyes. “I remember my caretaker at the time wouldn’t let me walk around in fear I may mess something up and embarrass the family, this was all under the orders of my father of course. I got so mad I ran away while they weren’t looking, I ran through the garden to this small area that had a bench under these beautiful vines that when you looked up at the top it looked like stars. The vines covered the top of an archway that the bench was beneath and the vegetation was so thick that when you looked to the sky the sun hardly was able to get any light through.” He said and positioned his head to look upwards, I assumed to relive this moment. “I was crying my eyes out, wondering why I was always pushed out of the way when it came to everything else, why a child was something that didn’t even come second, but third on a list of priorities. Then, my nanny, Eun Jung rushed through and fell on her knees in front of the bench, out of breath. I started crying because I knew I had made it hard for her by running away but all she did was come to me and hug me.” He said and finally opened his eyes, his head still looking upwards. “She hugged me so tight I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but the pressure wasn’t from her strength it was from the amount of care she had for me. We sat there for hours after I explained why I was so upset and she said that this bench was also her favorite spot, telling me a story about why the sun can only come through so much and why the flowers at the top were so thick.” He said and smiled before he grabbed his jacket. 

“But that story is for another time, I’ll finish my lunch later. I have to go now.” He said and I smiled slightly as he made inside. I looked up at the ceiling trying to see what made his eyes gleam as they did when he was looking towards the sky. The wisteria vines. Covering the top of the ceiling, blocking out the sun and only letting little bits of it through causing it to look like the night sky in the middle of the day when the sky was at its brightest. 

Wisteria, a beautiful flower that symbolizes devotion, vitality, and new beginnings.

[omg-foreverfilledwithweird-posts]

You Don’t Own Me...

Pairing: Erik Killmonger x Wakandan! Reader

Summary: After your own family was recently murdered by Klaue, you’re taken in by the royals and begin to live in the palace, making you close friends to T’Challa and Shuri. Erik is a guest in the palace as well, after making amends with T’Challa, ultimately saving his life, but the man decides to make yours considerably harder, teasing and messing with you all hours of the day with the occasional passing flirtation. So when you catch him training in the private gym set aside for sparring and sit down to braid his hair for him, T’Challa’s wedding to Nakia that same night, where Erik can’t keep his hands to himself, and an elevator you both get into alone, things take a delightful turn.

A/N: so my baby is not dead cause he is way too pretty to die, and I’ve been wanting to write this for awhile because he’s beautiful and just *sighs* we love him (I’ve been sick and I watched Black Panther twice in that small span of time it was magical), I hope you enjoy it I loved writing it cause damn that stare tho I adore your feedback btw!! (it’s so long wow) I asked so you all shall receive! Here are a few that commented:

@cocoaflowerrs​ @harleycativy​ @honeytoffee​ @chaneajoyyy​ @mydemons-aremy-friends​ @thehomierobbstark​ @lifelover4u​ @wrtngnght​ @bitemyxxx​ @bakerstreethound​

Warnings: FLUFF, mild swearing, so many feels, sexual tension to the max, a punch is thrown, heavy kissing

The long, floral bridesmaid dress your best friend, Shuri, had made for you trails ethereally behind your figure, it’s simple and seductive, cinched at the waist before flowing outward. She made it to be practical as well as still being able to fight in it, slits down your toned, brown legs for you to walk easily without tripping over the long fabric. You step lightly through the palace halls in sandals, tied up to your calf, smiling to the guards when you pass by them. You find the lab where your sister and brother are arguing, T’Challa groaning loudly in frustration when Shuri points at his toes rather aggressively.

“I might be a troublemaker, but at least I moisturize my skin!” she gestures to his arm, pulling up his sleeve. “So damn ashy, brother!”

He swats her hand away, “I am a king, forgive me if I don’t have time for a personal spa day-”

“How are you expected to take care of a kingdom when you can’t even take care of your skin?” Shuri says, unable to get it all out through the giggles, pointing to his ankles.

“Oh, you wish to go there?”

“What are we yelling about?” you ask, tilting your head curiously when both of their attentions whip towards you. “You didn’t do what I think you did, Shuri...” you warn, giving your best friend a knowing glance.

She stifles a laugh when she holds up her tablet, “Oh... but I did.”

She presses play to the video of that faithful incident of T’Challa being thrown across the room after testing out his new suit’s kinetic energy distribution. That happened months ago and around the time you first arrived here, but it never fails to bring a grin to light up your face, you bite down on your bottom lip to hold in the fit of giggles threatening to surface.

“She showed it to Nakia!” he throws his hands up in aggravation and glares at Shuri. “I am never going to live this down, you know that? That video will haunt me until the day I join the ancestors.”

“Well... I hope your fiance found it as amusing as we do,” your lips quirk in the corners, moving to leave the room. “Hopefully as Queen, her sense of humor can help improve your own.” Your frustrated friend glowers at you.

“Where do you think you’re going?” T’Challa looks you over, giving you the parental stare he learned from his mother. “The wedding is in only a few hours. You have things to do.”

You furrow your brow, “I’m not the one getting married, bridezilla, all I have to do is show up.”

“You’re the maid of honor. There is more to your role than just showing up. You know how important this is to me, y/n, and to Nakia,” he pleads with his forehead wrinkled in that worrisome way, guilt-tripping you into complying. You roll your eyes with a sigh.

“I’m just going to go to the training room, it’s the only time I get a moment to myself, I won’t be long,” you tell him softly. “Does that please you enough, your Highness?” you mock, hand curled around the doorway.

“Fine, but Erik is in there already,” he warns. “I wouldn’t bother him.”

“You offend me, T’Challa,” you scoff. “He talks a big game, but the boy is harmless.”

“She only says that because she wants to have his kids,” Shuri smirks. “Oh, Erik! Take me now,” she presses the back of her hand against her forehead, tilting her head back dramatically. “You love him like those women in the American soap operas, like Rosy and Julio!”

“You mean Romeo and Juliet?” you correct with a small smile, despite the burning of your cheeks at the thought of Erik in that way. She wasn’t wrong.

“Whatever,” she waves you off. “Just use contraceptives...”

“Shuri!” T’Challa scolds while you make your swift exit, laughing at your best friend’s odd, theatrical antics.

You walk down to the training room, Erik’s strenuous grunts echoing off the gym’s walls, the sound of cloth wrapped flesh slamming into a punching bag. You enter the room quietly and watch as he moves graceful, animalistic, he holds power in his hands and demands the attention of the room without having to ask. His shirt is off, great, and you can’t concentrate on where to look, at the low hanging, deep gray sweatpants, barely clinging to his defined hips or his muscular, Greek god like torso and chest, littered with small marks and scars. His black dreads were out because he didn’t bother to tie them up, knowing they would have slipped out anyway, hanging over his predatory eyes.

He hears sudden movement behind him, looking you in the eye when he catches you in the room with him. He was bred as a soldier to hear small noises, to notice everything, and to keep his emotions in check at all times, to keep a neutral expression in the face of an enemy. But you aren’t an enemy. So he cracks a half smile, unwrapping the white cloth from his calloused hands. His eyes wash over your figure in that dress and he holds back a growl, catching his bottom lip between his teeth.

He hums lowly, drinking you in, “You look damn good, princess.”

“Always the charmer, Erik,” you roll your eyes, afraid you’ve pulled something from how far they went back. Your eyes trail over him and he sees it, holding your gaze.

“Hey, sweetheart... I’m not the one that wants to have my kids,” he smirks, amusement glinting in his brown eyes. Shit. “But with you as the momma, you know they’d be beautiful.” You grow flustered at the compliment.

“You heard that?” you blow out a cool breath of air, wetting your lips anxiously. He watches the action with an unreadable expression, flashing that stupid and damned, attractive smile, rows of perfect, ivory teeth, the few gold ones glinting in the afternoon sun pouring in through the windows.

“Yeah... and Shuri, for someone as wicked smart as her, doesn’t know shit about American television. Romeo and Juliet was Shakespeare, not a soap opera,” he chuckles deeply, the masculine melody rumbling from his chest.

“The only reason I know anything about it is from sneaking into the father’s library at night, but that was a long time ago...” you tuck a curl behind your ear at the bittersweet memory of your family and he continues to listen without interrupting because he could relate to your struggle. “Shuri tells me that she finds it predictable and far too boring for her taste, she enjoys nonfiction and scientific journals, but I thought American books were... cute. Something about predictability in romantic literature is comforting.”

“So, you’re a romantic?” he arches a dark eyebrow, intrigued. “You should try reading Fifty Shades...” he teases.

“Nice try, but I’ve already read it,” you surprise him. “It lacked chemistry and tension. But the sex was... interesting,” you let out a fluttering laugh, the innocence in your voice rivaling the way you look over him.

“Let me know if you want someone to act it out with, gorgeous,” he crosses the room, eyes fixed on you, before he takes your chin between his fingers, knocking your jaw up. He unconsciously snarls his canines when he studies you. It’s got to be the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“Yeah, that sounds fun, you think M’Baku would be interested?” you pinch your brow, messing with him, challenging his stare with a daring one of your own.

“Don’t play with me, princess,” he shakes his head, husked voice dripping with warning.

You look at his sweat ridden, umber skin, his dreads going every which way. You reach out and take one between your fingers, brushing it out of his face while he analyzes your movements.

“Your hair is a mess, N'Jadaka,” you tell him. No one ever calls him by that anymore, if they did he’d probably make them regret doing so, but not with you, he wants you to say it again.

He licks his plump, pink tinged lips, “You gotta solution, beautiful?”

“As a matter of fact, I do, smart ass,” you slit your eyes, rolling your eyes for what seems like the umpteenth time today. “Sit down.”

“Yes m’am,” he smirks, doing as you say, sitting cross legged on the sparring mat below you both. You get on your knees behind him and take his individual dreads in your grasp, parting them into four sections at the top of his head.

He winces when you pull harshly, “If you fuck up my hair, princess-”

“You’re not going to do anything. Your precious hair will be fine, I’m fixing it,” you explain, loosening your grip slightly, gentle when you take three pieces at a time and braid it down his head to where it naturally ends.

“You’re hot when your bossy,” he muses and you tug at his hair in retaliation, earning a pained groan from him. “Watch it,” he hisses through gritted teeth.

“I’m the one with the power here, baby,” you tell the man child, wiping sweat from your brow at the concentration. “You need to be watching it.”

You guide him to lay his head in your lap as you sit down completely, halfway done now. He looks up at your face while you’re focusing intently on doing his braids, watching the way you bite your bottom lip, eyes set on the task in front of you, and nose scrunched in the most adorable way possible. He could look at you all day, he thinks, just like this. His taut back against your thick thighs wasn’t helping anyone either, feeling the ridges of his muscles and scar incisions on your bare skin through the sheer dress. He takes the bold risk of running his hand up your leg while he lays there, the sinful idea of you clenching around his fingers flashing in his mind, his warm, heated touch on your silk skin overpowering your good sense to stay away from him and his trouble. Your breath catches.

“Go any further, Killmonger, and I rip out a dread.”

He exhales a small laugh, putting his hands up in surrender when you get to the last step, almost finished, tying them all off with rubber bands he has, luckily, in his pockets. Thank God, you think, you didn’t know how much more of this you could take.

“Easy, momma... I was only playing,” he winks up from where he lays in front of you. “Don’t act like you didn’t like it. I know when you’re lying to me.”

You roll your eyes, but this time it’s paired with a small curl of your lips, tapping his broad shoulder, signalling for him to get off of you. “I’m done, you big baby.”

He grunts when he stands up and checks himself out in the mirror before him, hand gliding over his done hair, and he grins, dimples on display. It’s one of his rare, genuine smiles that only grace the outside world when your presence is known, mostly a result of something you do or say. Not that you know that.

“You did good, princess,” he looks at you, impressed. “I’m coming back to you again, get ready.”

“I’ll have to charge you the next time,” you fold your arms over your chest. “This was just a free trial.”

He chuckles darkly, cocking his head to the side, “What do you want in return?”

You. It almost slips from your lips, but you catch yourself just in time when there’s a knock by the doorway. T’Challa.

“T’Challa...” you throw him a look over your shoulder. “Don’t you have things to do?”

He looks between you and a shirtless Erik, his eyes widening slightly at the possibilities of what you two could have been doing, “I took a break, you were taking longer than you said you would.”

“I didn’t give you a set time,” you slit your eyes.

“You implied that it wouldn’t be long, you’ve been gone for more than thirty minutes.” He finally notices Erik’s new hair and compliments him, “Your hair looks nice, Erik.”

“You can thank your little friend for that,” he nods in your direction, eyes lingering on you for a moment longer than he thinks he should before your gazes break.

“So that’s what you’ve been doing?” T’Challa looks amused when he smiles at you, interested. “Playing hairdresser with a half naked Erik?” Erik is enjoying this more than he should.

“If I go with you to go help Nakia get ready, will you get off my back?” you ask, walking past him.

“Not entirely, but that’s a start,” T’Challa laughs, looking at Erik one more time. “Put on some clothes, Erik, you’re my best man, you need to get ready.”

“I thought white boy was going to walk with you?” he asks with a chuckle.

“Everett will too,” he rolls his eyes, waving him off. “He’s oddly excited about all of this.”

“The whole nation is excited, T’Challa, it’s not like your feelings for her have been a secret, my friend,” you gesture for him to come on already. “So hurry up or I’ll get Shuri to show Erik the video, too.”

“You wouldn’t,” T’Challa walks out after you.

“Wouldn’t I?” you dare your brother with a small, conniving smile.

“What video?” Erik calls after you.

You peek your head back in through the door frame and mouth, Later, eyes glittering mischievously.

~~~

The traditional, Wakandan, wedding ballad began to play elegantly and you look over at your nervous, best friend, adjusting his blazer. He catches your worried gaze and you smile softly, calming him. He reaches for your hand and you take it in your grasp, raising your hand to hold the side of his face. It makes you so unbelievably happy, seeing him marry the love of his life, an occasion you and dozens of other people have been awaiting. He squeezes your hand affectionately before dropping it, letting you return back to your place. The silent affirmation meaning the world to him.

You look over at Erik, his hand resting on T’Challa’s shoulder in a brotherly fashion. You glance over his black and white tux, it’s unlike him, being so dressed up, but it’s a good look for him. Really good, you think. It flatters his broad shoulders and muscular build nicely, and he grabs your stare in mid-air, smiling slightly. He shoots you a wink when no one else is looking and you look down at your flowers, hiding your burning face.

Shuri stands by your side, head leaning on your shoulder as she gets bored of the festivities.

“Glory to Bast, y/n, stop drooling over Erik... I’m going to be sick,” Shuri yawns. “How much longer will this be?”

You roll your eyes, “It hasn’t even begun,” you whisper as everyone sits up in the aisles, set up voluntarily by the villagers and children, and Shuri herself, of course.

The aisles were riddled with stargazer lilies, Nakia’s favorite flower, placed intricately and their vines wrapped, worn into the redwood. The ceremony is set in the room with the garden of the heart shaped herb, glowing luminescent and bright purple.

The ring bearers are the first to walk in, a few of the village boys and girls, some tossing pink rose petals on the ground, the rest fighting to hold onto the pillow where the rings rest atop. The guests laugh at the children, Erik walks down to kneel to their level with an adorably wide smile, making silly faces to make them giggle. Your heart warms at the sight. One of the little girls hands him the rings, along with a flower she places tenderly behind his ear, he mutters a small, sweet thank you, almost blushing. T’Challa even cracks a smile, tears beginning to brim his eyes, at the cute exchange. You find yourself doing the same.

Nakia finally steps out of the small entrance, everyone rising from their seats, her mother and father on either side of her. T’Challa freezes on sight when he sees her, Okoye, Shuri, and you notice this with moved smiles, all close to tears yourself. Nakia wears a long, emerald dress, breaking the white gown stereotype, she wanted to be different, she told you. And she looks stunning, gold detailing sewn into the green fabric, off the shoulder and draping behind her, her deep, sienna skin glowing gorgeously amidst the moonlight and green in her dress. T’Challa’s tears, once at bay, come rolling down his cheeks, his chest rising and falling.

He mutters a small I love you to her when she joins him on the stage and she smiles widely, beautifully, whispering that she loves him too. Her hand holds the side of his tear stricken face and she wipes one off his cheek with the pad of her thumbs, leaning forward to angel kiss both his eyelids.

“Hey! No kissing yet!” Shuri interrupts the tender moment, T’Challa glaring daggers at her while Nakia only chuckles, giving the people a good laugh, including yourself and Okoye, all wearing matching dresses.

The ceremony goes on as smoothly and emotionally as planned. Mid-vows, there are hot tears falling down your face, but you wipe them away, not wanting to take the attention from them. Erik, however, saw the action before you could hide it all the way, locking eyes with you from across the room, both of you opposite to each other with the loving couple between you.

His lips quirk, You alright?

You nod, smiling softly, and he returns it, his hard features softening when you look at him long enough.

You look beautiful.

You don’t know how you catch the silent words leaving his mouth, but you do, growing flustered immediately and smiling so wide it makes your cheeks hurt. You wish you could see this side of Erik more often, the sensitive, sweet one, the Erik that isn’t afraid to show how he feels.

But, before you know it, the officiant says, “Now you may kiss the bride!”

Nakia takes by the front of his blazer before he can think, bringing his lips to hers with fervor and passion. He cradles her face in his hands and dips her down as the crowd rejoices, Shuri making a show of showing blatant disgust. You slap her shoulder, laughing with one another when Okoye reprimands you both.

T’Challa and Nakia walk hand in hand down the aisle, everyone following them back to the palace for the reception with dancing, music, food, and drinks. You clutch the bouquet of lilies in your grasp, slowing your pace when Erik moves to walk by your side, stepping in time with you.

“That was so sweet,” you look at him as you both walk, glancing at the flower still behind his ear. “What you did with those kids...”

“What? The flower’s nice... and I didn’t want to say no,” he plays it off. “That’s all.”

“Mmhm,” you look down when you walk, smiling at the ground, unconvinced. “You know it’s okay to be nice every once in awhile, even you could spare to show your softer side, Erik Killmonger.” He regards you coldly, but your words have a way of melting that icy exterior of his.

“Whatever,” he rolls his eyes, still trying to keep the tough guy act but you see right through it when he looks at you from the corner of his eye, the ghost of a smile on his lips when you two arrive at the palace’s reception.

“Hold up,” he says to you and you stop, turning to him. He takes the flower out from behind his ear and places it gingerly behind yours, your curls keeping it in place. His fingers brush the skin of your cheek when he does so and your eyes lock, pulling back before he clears his throat. “It looks better on you, anyway, princess.” You smile softly, his touch lighting your skin on fire.

T’Challa and Nakia have already begun their first dance as a married couple, swaying her around the makeshift dance floor like a leaf in the Wakandan spring wind, it’s hard to keep your eyes off of them. Okoye and Shuri stand off to the side, stuffing their faces with assortments of food being served. Then Nakia makes eyes at you and Erik when her and T’Challa begin to slow dance, you and him standing side by side like that, hands brushing ever so softly. She nods towards him, raising her eyebrows in a silent command for you two to get over it and dance together. You slit your eyes. Erik notices this small, wordless conversation and smirks softly, glancing at you.

After debating and looking at you for a moment or two, wondering what to say, he interrupts your mile a minute thoughts, holding out his hand, “Dance with me?” he asks, almost daring you to accept his invitation. How could you say no to that?

You look to his hand then to his eyes and back again, heart beating considerably faster, and you take his hand cautiously, “Sure...”

His calloused hand grasps yours, “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I don’t bite,” he says, pulling you onto the dance floor and into his hard chest, other hand on the curve of your back, lips curved maliciously by your ear when he whispers, “Unless you want me too.” You laugh at that.

You keep a distance, only an inch away from each other faces that seems to diminish whenever you share a breath of air, standing still in time when he twirls you.

“Where’d you learn to dance like this?” your voice is light, barely above a whisper when you speak, hoping to keep this little bubble you two have created.

“My pop,” he smiles, but it’s bittersweet, not quite hitting his eyes. “He said you’re never gonna get a lady if you don’t know how to dance with one. That and cooking is the way to a girl’s heart...”

“Your father sounds like a smart man,” you meet his sad eyes and they flicker slightly, like that flame in his stare he takes pride in slowly blowing out the longer you look, simmering his fear. You understood him, how it felt to lose your family like that, and he knew that.

“He was.”

“So are you,” you tell him, taking both of your arms and wrapping them around his neck, staggering the man for a moment before he in turns wraps his own around your waist, warmly bringing you closer. “When you want to be,” you joke.

His lips turn up in the corners, letting out a small laugh, "Thanks, gorgeous.”

You lay your head on his chest, inhaling his intoxicating scent of clean sheets and spices, a smell you can only classify as Erik, and his breathing slows.

“You’re so tense...” you tell him, hands moving to rest against his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat against your palm when he wraps his large arms around you.

He chuckles darkly, catching your wrist in your hand when you begin to trail your fingers down his torso. “I think you know why.”

“I’m not sure I do,” you say, fingers threading together behind his head, brushing the skin of his neck. “Enlighten me.”

The lights in the palace room go off and the person manning the music decides to turn on the deep blue and purple flashing lights, everyone coupling up with close friends and lovers. Erik’s grip on your waist tightens when some of the men make eyes at you, about to ask for you to dance, but upon seeing his possessive, threatening gaze, they think better of it. A slower, more sensual song plays, after someone requested to play more American songs, the DJ of sorts happily obliging.

He leans down to whisper to you, “Do you still want to dance, beautiful?”

“Mm, do I have much of a choice?” you tilt your chin up, beginning to sway with the music that’s playing, his hands never leaving your waist while his dark eyes trail over your dips and curves.

Your bodies move languidly with one another in the dark, your hips dancing to their own accord, and your back curves in that delectable way Erik can’t get enough of, turning yourself around to move against where you need him most. His hands slide down to grip your sides, knowing exactly what you’re trying to do.

“You’re a damn tease, y/n,” he bites by your ear, the deep laugh that leaves him vibrating through your body when he presses up against you, forcing you to feel every inch of him. Enough to feel him grow hard against your backside, so you move back, curls moving with the smooth and sexy movements of your body, hands sliding down his front, and spinning yourself around, leaning close enough to him so your noses touch.

Your eyes make a show of flicking up to finally meet his, “Am I?”

But before he can answer, opening his mouth to retaliate, close enough that you could lean in if you wanted to, a stranger’s large hand falls to your waist, pulling you into someone. You turn around and see a man you don’t recognize, just some drunk looking for a good time that he wasn’t going to get from you.

“Mm, you must be the new girl here... You’re even more lovely in person,” the man whispers by your ear, alcohol heavy on his breath and sweat on his skin, a sickening combination. “Wanna go somewhere a little quieter?” His hands going lower the longer he speaks.

“No... thank you,” you say, struggling to get the words out, but he doesn’t budge. You try to move from his grasp then Erik is walking toward him, pulling you from his grasp and setting you aside.

“Is that how you treat a lady? Grabbing her from behind and thinking she’s yours to keep?” he gets face to face with him, looming over the stranger by a few inches, eyes blazing in the dark.

“Back off, boy, I know how to treat a woman just fine,” he slurs. “You’re just jealous that I made a move before you did... maybe she finally wants a real man-”

Erik starts seeing red and before you can stop him, he’s knocking his fist into the man’s face, sending him tumbling to the ground with a loud bang when he hits the floor.

Shuri is by your side at once after seeing what happened, sending guards over to take the man out, pulling him by the arms inconspicuously out the doors while everyone is occupied.

Shuri’s hand clasps on your arm to get your attention. Your best friend looks at you with worried eyes, “Are you alright? We’re escorting the man off the premises now, and he won’t be bothering anyone else... Because if he had stayed behind, you know my hands would have been-”

You nod with a small smile, comforting your close friend with a small squeeze to her hand, letting her know you’ll be fine, “I’m okay, Shuri.” She breathes a sigh of relief. “We’ll tell T’Challa another time, we don’t need to make a scene,” you tell her. “This is his big day and I don’t want to upset him.”

She nods in understanding, “And Erik?” she looks to the man, trying to keep his composure, thinking that she’ll reprimand him for using violence, but she moves to embrace him. He’s taken back for a second before patting her back awkwardly, wrapping one arm around her small frame. “Thank you for saving my best friend.”

“No.. uh, no problem,” he stammers out, not expecting the hug.

She turns to you. “Why don’t you take a walk... go get some space from everyone? T’Challa will understand.”

You nod, knowing that’s the best for you right now, the crowd getting more and more suffocating by the second.

“I’m coming with,” he insists. “You don’t need to be alone right now.”

“Erik,” you look at him, hoping to keep a serious expression. “I don’t need anyone with me, I’ll be okay, promise.” Shuri wiggles her eyebrows at you before walking off, leaving the two of you by yourselves once again. You’d get her back for that.

He looks you over, “This isn’t up for negotiation, princess.” He holds out his hand for you and you take it, hesitant, his large, calloused hand encompassing yours.

Then he’s walking through the crowd, pulling you gently along with him, navigating between the guests. He wastes no time in getting to the doors that lead back to the palace’s bedrooms, the royal, gold encrusted elevator awaiting on the bottom floor. He drops your hand and you immediately find yourself missing the warmth, walking alongside him to the elevator where the up button flashes bright yellow. He silently leads you into the elevator when the silver doors finally open, closing behind you two.

You stand with your back against the elevator wall, mirror behind you, with your hands gripping the metal bar behind you. “Thank you...” you say, your voice quieter than you intend it to be, a fluttering phrase that makes him turn around to look at you.

“I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing,” he tilts his head slightly, concern deeply embedded in his chocolate eyes, studying your face.

“Sure, but I could’ve handled it myself, too, you know,” you meet his eyes boldly and his lips quirk at the edges, taking a step towards you. “If you hadn’t have stepped in.”

He squares his shoulders, slitting his brown eyes, towering over you with a small laugh that brings out his dimples, “I’m sure you could have, beautiful.”

Your head hits the wall, and you realize neither of you has pressed the floor button, sitting still in this vacant space, just the two of you, “Then why’d you do it?”

He’s chest to chest with you now, hands on either side of your head, caging you in like a predator stalking prey, “Do what?”

“Hit him... let him get to you like that...”

“He put his hands on you, baby,” his chest rises and falls, the fire returning to his stormy, dark gaze, the new pet name he’s given you sending your heart into sudden turmoil, unreadable on your face. “I...” he struggles to get the words out. He sounds so vulnerable, almost emotional when he tries to speak, and it breaks your heart. “I couldn’t let him hurt you-”

Without thinking, you step up on the tips of your toes, leaning close enough to kiss him, but missing, lips pressing against the corner of his plump lips, just as soft as you imagined them to be. His face heats up under your lips even after you break away, locking eyes with him, noticing how his have become much darker, glazed over with lust, deep brown consumed in onyx.

His eyes fall over you hungrily, sneering his canines, flicking from your slightly parted lips to your eyes, finding desire in your y/e/c irises, “You shouldn’t have done that, princess...”

He tilts his head down, sending his lips to crash feverishly against your own, sending you into the elevator wall. Your eyes flutter close at the overwhelming sensation, Erik kissing you, you never thought you’d see the day. He kisses you slowly, completely, and wantonly, taking his time in moving his lips against yours. Damn, he’s wanted this for so long, you, him. His lips made for yours and yours made for his, bodies molded into one another. You move to grip those beautiful braids of hair, fingers in the dips and intricate patterns, making him groan, tugging him closer to you until you both are flushed together, not a single breath between you. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth, gently biting when he catches it between his teeth, eliciting small mewls to fall from your lips, exciting him, a puddle melted into his large hands. You’ve become his for the taking.

His hands slide under your ass, lips never leaving yours, gripping your thick thighs forcefully through your sheer dress, and pulling you up to guide your legs around his built torso, pressing you further into the walls that hold you both. He nips at the soft, brown skin of your neck, marking your neck with his teeth and mouth, lightly circling the spot with his cooling tongue to ease the bite, and you revel in it, legs tightening around him. 

Your hands find either side of his face when you break away to catch your breath, leaning your forehead against his, his shallow breath fanning your face, lips brushing ever so softly, wishing to meet again.  

“Shit, baby...” he kisses the curve of jaw, burying his face in your shoulder with a soft laugh. “If I had known...”

“Known what?” you breathe a laugh, kissing both of his dimples, making his smile widen. 

He presses his lips by your ear and chuckles, “That you actually wanna have my kids...” Dammit, Shuri.

[greensconnor]

i’m asking about your dragon age characters

molly i would KILL for u im ur personal hitman now

anyway i said my city now because the entire bioware writing team sucks shit xoxo and i’m so much smarter than all of them but also fully incapable of having a normal amount of ocs for anything (see: the time i made 20 rwby ocs in less than two weeks) so i have. five worldstates here r some assorted thoughts

uhhh so the worldstates r as follows

eira mahariel (two-handed berserk/champ spec), rhett hawke (two-handed berserk spec), alas lavellan (mage knight enchanter spec), romanced alistair/fenris/dorian respectively

shiv tabris (dual wield duelist/assassin spec), radella “rads” hawke (mage spirit healer spec), kat adaar (two-handed reaver spec), romanced morrigan/isabela/cassandra respectively because im a pc gamer and i think i should be able to date whatever video game woman i like because im infinitely better than cishet men

this world state said yeah i respect mens rights. mens rights to shut the fuck up

twins bronson (sword/shield reaver spec) & bryant cousland (archer ranger spec), carmine hawke (archer assassin spec), syracuse trevelyan (dual wield tempest spec), romanced zevran/anora/josephine/bull. if ur wondering how that works my city now and the warden, hawke and the inquisitor should all meet and so they do because i Said So

riva amell (mage arcane warrior/battlemage spec), graham “gray” hawke (mage force spec), hellathen “hela” lavellan (archer assassin spec); romanced cullen/anders and later blackwall because hawke only likes men who will break his heart. hela doesn’t have a romance because she’s literally 20. who let her lead the inquisition (me it was me). also it should be noted the version of cullen i have in my head only vaguely resembles actual cullen because i write better than dragon age writers ever could and i gave him an Actual Cohesive Narrative and he gets bullied relentlessly for being scrawnier than his mage boyfriend

malien “mal” surana (mage spirit healer/keeper spec), jules hawke (sword/shield reaver spec), ash adaar (mage rift spec), romanced leliana/merrill/krem because i should have been able to kiss krem and its a Crime that i am not allowed to

knight enchanter is a Very op specialization and by Very op i mean it makes a mage with their built-in low constitution stats able to solo the biggest baddest dragon in the game on nightmare mode in under five minutes so like. alas lavellan fist fights dragons for fun send tweet

i think lavellans should be able to hit ppl with bricks for all the shit they endure. thus solas gets pranked by mahariel and alas by which i mean they just tip buckets of water onto him from the rookery

kat might be my only competent inquisitor but she did also try to knock out the right hand of the divine and attempt to gap even tho there’s fucky magic burning up her hand so does she have a brain cell? you decide

also its fantasy land and i do what i want so kat has blue/gold sectoral heterochromia

gray “mage rights” hawke is best friends with fenris which surprises literally everyone. their friendship started because they got into a fist fight and then they were like okay i respect u now. hawke is like hey fenris give me ur sword i have a fun trick to show u [uses his sword as a foci to zap carver in the ass with lightning]

i am Always thinking abt like how cullen could have been one man anti-chantry propaganda machine if he hadn’t so blatantly been shoehorned into every game past origins so anyway bioware forgot about a wholeass moon i can write what i like. [holds up cullen by the scruff of his stupid armor] not only are you bisexual you are also a bottom

i also Hate the whole uwu mage haters get fixed by romancing a mage

unlocked secret dialogue option where my inquisitors verbally cuss out dorian’s dad instead of whatever sympathetic narrative the writers were going for cuz its bullshit.

riva is a showoff and a Menace about being as good as he is because he unabashedly loves being a mage and hes like oooh look at me im sexy i dont need to use my hands to cast magic because i’m just that good ;)) and you know what. hes right.

gray, on the other hand, does Not want to be mage. he wants to be a druffalo farmer and retire in the hinterlands and be left the fuck alone. unfortunately he is gay and has one brain cell and terrible, terrible taste in men. ribbed relentlessly for this by riva (altho does he have room to talk hes been hung up on cullen since he was like 13)

shiv is trans n kieran is the result of doing the dark ritual with her wife and he looks a Lot like shiv (dark skin pointed ears, shock-white hair) and morrigan always just Assumed she dyed it or did something magic with it so seeing their kid come out like that was a WEIRD time for her

leliana almost Murdered by cassandra in worldstate 5 because the warden is Actually There The Whole Time, but its been 10 years, mal’s cut off all her hair and gotten full facial tattoos and she’s like “no one will know its me its fine” and she’s right. she gets away with it. only cullen like, Knows, because he knew her before the blight but he doesnt have a death wish n he like. will Not piss her off

shes dalish by birth n she was stolen from her clan by templars and thus is vehemently anti-circle and anti-chantry in general

uhhh the vallaslin (elf face tattoos) of my 4 dalish characters are:

eira = ghilan’nain (chose em cuz shes rlly interested in the navigation aspect of the goddess)

alas = falon’din (god of the dead n he picked them because he’s Also the god of fortune and alas is like tee hee fun but also he can and will kill u if u fuck with him so yk its fitting)

hela = june (god of the craft bc she likes to Make things but june is also the god who taught the elves 2 hunt and hela is. a hunter.)

mal = elgar’nan (allfather/god of vengeance bc. she is Vengeful. she is Angry. but yk fucking with shem politics and fucking their divine is like. mal may have little a retribution. as a treat.) yes she has the full half-face solid colour tattoo she does NOT fuck around.

bronson and bryant r not genetically identical but they Look similar enough 2 anyone who doesn’t know them well enough 2 play spot the distance. anora and bronson think this is a super fun game to play, especially when nobles realize they’ve swapped out the king but they’re too nervous to say anything

eira mahariel has two hands. one is for holding hands with alistair and the other is for throttling elven gods, apparently. she’s killed one before so solas she’s coming for your bitch ass next. watch urself.

speaking of eira and alistair are married thru dalish tradition and humans don’t recognize it n alistair loves 2 re-propose to her with random things. he’ll just pick up like. a bit of cheese and be like “marry me ;)” and she’s like GASP but whatever will the chantry say!!!! all of their friends r sick of them

“vhenan if you love me bring me a sword” “you think i could do better than a sword made out of space rock?” “:)”

eira is my youngest hero at 18 at the start of her game and kat is my oldest at 32 at the start of her game.

none of my hawkes are under six foot. rhett is the tallest (6′8″) and rads is the shortest (6′2″).

syracuse trevelyan would have been the Perfect inquisitor if he were not a pretty boy himbo and a gay bastard who does Most Things just to spite his parents.

[corypheus pointing at syracuse’s visage in his crystal orb thingo] i want that twink obliterated

i love the companions from older games return thing i truly do so i make it a point for Every companion to return in inquisition so the gang rlly is all here because i am a Slutte for found family

i lie in my keep worldstates because i dont want to choose between hawke and alistair during here lies the abyss but i never make him king and every time i play inquisition and cole has the wicked grace line it makes me Scream. alistair baby im so sorry i did this to you but i didnt actually do this to you

yes this is my everyone lives au but like. all the time. i have never left hawke in the fade and i do not intend to.

fuck whatever nonsense about wardens not being able 2 have kids. by sheer divine power (me) anora and bryant have three daughters; eleanor, sabina & cecelia n both bronson and zevran make Excellent uncles because i think anora deserves good things because i’m tired of bioware being like women bad, actually,

so like most of the time i have the warden & hawke turning up after the move to skyhold n then staying on, with the exception of bryant, carmine & mal. mal is as mentioned previously just There the whole time with her girlfriend. bryant steps in as king of ferelden w/ interests in closing the big hole in the sky spewing demons in2 his kingdom yk. carmine shows up because she wants to help & she wants protection for bethany but she outright says she’d rather die than be inquisitor so cassandra is shit out of luck.

“CHANGE HER MIND VARRIC” “she once doubled down on insisting amaranth was a shade of blue because she didn’t want to admit to being wrong. no one’s changing her mind seeker”

alas is the middle child of eight and is thus very good with children and also bossing around people older than him. 2 of his older siblings come to the inquisition when stuff in wycome has been settled

i left ash with the basic canon background with Some variation (he grew up under the qun and left of his own free will when his magic was discovered n he realized he couldn’t take living as a saarebas

kat on the other hand was raised tal-vashoth and has bounced around basically all over thedas and leads her own merc company when the conclave blows up. she also speaks multiple languages. is there a language she doesn’t speak? probably not

just realized how long this got so im gonna like. stop my general rambling now but lmao yeah theres some basics. waves hands.

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Bill and Jessica

This is a continuation @skrsgrd-my-boi requested. So here ya go. Super fluffy and some curse words.

This is Bill and Jessica and they're just gonna be happy overload

For the first one go here: https://anastasiaskarsgard.tumblr.com/post/185008455366/i-sooo-need-you-to-write-about-what-would-happen

“Honey I’m home!” Jessica yelled as she walked in the condo, a few minutes past 3 am.

She’d been drinking since that afternoon and had misplaced her iPhone, somewhere along the way. Therefore, she had no clue that Bill had been blowing up her phone all night. She tripped over some shoes in the hallway and ate shit. It wasn’t too bad of a fall, but any type of fall, when you’re an adult is rough. Lucky for her, she was wasted, so everything was just hilarious.

Bill got up and walked out of his room, to find Jessica, lying on the ground laughing hysterically. He hadn’t been able to sleep anyway and had been laying there, rehearsing what he was going to say to her when she got home, but now he was just happy she was back safe.

He went to help her up, but instead of getting up, she pulled him down on top of her.

“Dammit! Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all night! I was worried, sick!” Bill spat at her.

“Billy Willy I might have drunk too much and lost my phone when the sun was still up. So there’s that. And then I was a drinking safari with Angel because she liberated herself from her evil boyfriend, the Dreamkiller. Terrifying guy. No fun at all.” Jessica hiccuped. “Excuse my hiccups, but I love you.” She grabbed bill’s face and pulled him into a deep kiss, interrupted here and there with a hiccup.

Bill was rigid at first, but he really loved Jessica’s drunk ass and couldn’t really be mad, she couldn't answer the phone, if she didn’t even have it.

He pulled away and met her eyes, “you could of at least called and let me know you’re ok.”

“Will do Billy Willy. 10-4 over and out.”

“I’m serious. I love you, and I worry. I know what a drunken jackass you can be, and I’m not saying you can’t go out and get smashed with your friends. I wish you would bring me along so that I can take care of you,” Bill said as he peppered her face with kisses.

“A-ok. Scouts honor,” Jessica tried to salute, but just poked herself in the eye somehow. “Ouch!”

Bill tenderly kissed her eye. “Can I carry you to bed?”

“Only if you’re naked,” Jessica said with a mischievous grin.

Bill had only been wearing boxers, so he quickly was nude and hoisted Jessica up into a bridal hold, carrying her to their room.

“Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer!” Jessica sang out.

“You are THE MOST obnoxious drunk girl that ever lived,” Bill said, rolling his eyes.

“Bitch! I am serenading you, and you call me names? Shame on you! Shame your cow! Shame your whole family!” Jessica giggled, but when she looked at Bill, he looked utterly lost. “Don’t tell me that you never saw Mulan!”

The beautiful Swede looked just as lost as he shrugged his shoulders.

“Put me down. I must go to my secret movie stash!” She said, kicking her legs.

He set her down, and she ran out of the bedroom to get her movie while Bill brushed his teeth. He turned to see her walking in the room carrying a tape box. He spat and asked, “is that really a VHS?”

“Yes. I have all my old Disney movies. I’m not a heathen. I can’t believe you never saw this classic. And you call yourself an artist. Bah!”

Bill beamed at Jessica as she talked to the DVD VCR combo trying to make it work with sloppy drunk impatience. She shooshed him and pressed her ear to the machine, with the cutest little concentration face, Bill had ever seen.

“What are you doing, Jess?”

“I’m making sure, it’s not eating it.... I think we are good.”

She stood up, quickly shedding all her clothes, and bounded over to the bed before diving on it, bouncing around giggling.

Bill loved how silly and free-spirited she could be. He had been like that once, but after playing a few very dark, disturbing roles, he found it more and more difficult to let go, and act a fool.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He’d met Jessica after an event she had decorated, when his then-girlfriend, had gotten jealous and abandon him there. Bill was rather intoxicated, and his phone was dead, so he had no way to call a ride, and didn’t particularly care. He sat down to smoke when he heard a yelp. He quickly got up and ran towards the direction of the sound, imagining several terrible scenarios, he could be running into. What he found was a breathtakingly beautiful woman, clinging to a ladder that had fallen over against the wall, about to crash down at any moment. He hurried over and righted the ladder, holding it so she could climb down.

Jessica turned to thank her hero, and when she looked into his eyes, her eyes went wide, and she laughed.

”What?” Bill asked self consciously.

“Shut the fuck up! Bill Skarsgård did not just save me! Oh my God, I just told Bill Skarsgård to shut the fuck up! I’m so sorry, my bad. I should be internalizing all this, but I’m an asshole.” She hid her face in her hands, shaking her head.

“No worries. What were you doing on that ladder?” He asked.

Jessica explained she was tearing down the party now and was working. She owned a company that made any theme, or vision you had, a reality. Want a flapper fundraiser? Jess would come in with feather boas hanging from giant white balloons, that lit up. Champagne bottles turned upside down, spraying balloon bubbles, in a cascade. Make amazing centerpieces and turn a plain ballroom, into a scene out of the Great Gatsby...

Bill found her very easy to talk to and followed her around holding the ladder as she told him about all the different parties she’d done and hilarious anecdotes of her adventures.

“I’m just talking away and although I’m not complaining, why is a movie star helping me?” Jessica asked him, biting her lip nervously.

“Well, for one you’re a lot of fun to talk to. Also, I’m learning a lot about event planning, which I imagine is useful, but my phone is dead, and my date abandon me,” he said, making a pouty face.

Jessica couldn't believe anyone would abandon this sweet, beautiful man, but she knew the bitch he was dating, so it wasn't a complete shock. She knew all about him.

You see, although Jessica was hiding it well if Bill knew her better, he knows she talked a lot when she was nervous. She was worried because she was 1000% a Bill stan and even had a Tumblr dedicated to him. So outside she was quirky and cool, inside she was losing her fucking mind and had died and been brought back to life like 50 times that evening.

”Use my phone.” she said, handing him her phone.

Bill took the phone and stared at it blankly.

”You can use my Uber account or google a cab. Or you probably only like limos huh? You can also rent a car, and they'll pick you up, or I can give you a ride in my awesome ass van, but that'll be quite some time since I have to get all the decor down. I don't have to clean or anything. Just get my shit and go.”

”you wouldn't mind?”

Jessica nearly fell over. Her mind raced as she thought about driving with Bill in her work van. It was taking all her power, not to fangirl the fuck out, but he was surprisingly easy going and seemed like he just wanted to be a normal person. ”No! You can help me carry stuff so there are fewer trips and we leave sooner.”

Bill didn't want to leave sooner, but he nodded, and they went around collecting everything, laughing and chatting. When it was time to go, Bill panicked at the thought of never seeing her again but reminded himself he had a girlfriend. He climbed in the van and told her the hotel he was staying at while she turned on her Spotify.

”Okay, so I have a girlfriend.” he blurted out.

”Not a very nice one, but to each his own I suppose. Don't worry tho Bill; I wasn't planning on taking advantage of you.” she quipped.

Bill blushed and asked, ”well can you text me your number, in case I ever need to decorate an event or need to laugh?”

She could not believe Bill motherfucking Skarsgard was asking for her number. She handed him her phone, to text himself and tried to focus on not swooning so hard, she crashed the van.

Soon she dropped him off at his hotel, and it wasn't until he was safely inside she screamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill crawled in bed, and snuggled up to Jessica, happier than hed ever been in his life. She was the light to the dark, and as he watched the movie, listening to her commentary, singing along word for word to every song, he wondered how long was polite, to ask someone to marry them.

[dungeonsanddragonsfifthedition]

tazchat: i genuinely cried multiple times listening to this episode

BARRY: Why don’t they trust me? I’m repeatedly possessing them and I’m whispering cryptic messages their way, two totally trustworthy things!

SAME ROOM WEIRD ENERGY

“welcome to the same room as me fellas i say horny a lot”

everyone remembers!!! oh geez

o fuck we’re actually getting a Griffin Cinematic Monologue already!!! a classic “we see” style one i thought that didn’t start until the END of this ep

THEY TAKE THE BADGE 😭🤠

“ALRIGHT BOYS LET’S THINK THIS THROUGH” / “...new, for you.”

“sounds to me like the bubble needs to go down” me when i got into a twitter fight with that One Podcaster

“all else fails we all die and come back later!” even tho the loops are over. i know it’s a goof but it’s a Sad Goof In Retrospect

ROSWELL WON’T HESITATE BITCH

“she’s EIGHT my dude.”

“let’s go dummy.” / “that’s a good one june. sick burn.” fucked up but cool when your dad’s weird alien friend shows up 12 years older a year after you met him and he supports your sick burns against cops.

“yeah, i’ve lied to kids before.” MERLE.

SEASICK BOYZ

i love the song “the purple worm” in theory but also like that is just straight up garageband loops a lot of the time. moreso than usual

merle casts a Good Spell and griffin gets a nat20 ... can’t even lie to make his dad feel good cuz they’re in the Same Room

Whenever He Casts A Fire Spell I Get Fuckin Hyped Like She Is Living Through You!

“why don’t you make a chair to throw at it!”

“i’ll tell you the one thing i always got.” / “what?” / “an idea!” he sounds so excited. i love him

Oh Worm

he just carries robot arms with him wherever he goes... to show off his collectionto Potential New Friends AND to fight big works with

“i got tentacles of my own!” / “oh i remember this one.”

Evard’s Black Tentacles: It Gets You Dick AND It Can Hold Back Worms That Are Trying To Destroy A City!

TAAKO THE PROPHECY OH GOD I’M GONNA LOSE IT GO RIIIIIGHT THE PROPHECY

travis is on the floor weeping and justin is fucking relishing in it

why would you separate the tanks from the spellcasters...

Clint Makes A Cunnilingus Joke: Why

magnus just straight up improvising weapons ALL the time is so good. i love him

JUNEBUG

“this is a shitty shit shit idea you know that right.”

ziplining down roswell

poor baby roswell :(

magnus and taako’s Dumbass Accidental Father Figure

“roz, i’m not gonna do that to you.”

magnus wants to make the engine big so they go faster. is that how cars work???

there are so many goddamned stunts in this scene

TELL ME THAT I MADE REFUGE SAFE

oh god :(

nonbirdnary

“and you are in a white space.”

magnus what the FUCK did you make.

avi: [john mulaney voice] YEP, same SHIT as ALWAYS!

babeys :’)

Well Boys We Saved The Town! And Nobody We Met Died! But Also We Were Brutally Reminded Of Our Own Personal Traumas So Was It Really Worth It?

HERE COMES BIG BITCH BARRY

big lich energy

“i’m really proud of you.”

“you’re the bad guy.” / “WHO TOLD YOU THAT.” / “the director?”

“do you trust me?”

poor guy :/

he’s just. fucked up. oh god.

“lup—they don’t trust me. i can’t do it anymore, lup, i’m sorry.”

“the hunger is almost here. and when it arrives, this world will be lost.” have some OPTIMISM bitch!!! good ending!!!!

avi just sees a goddess and he’s just chill about it. king.

this scene where the town catches up is so beautiful.

they built a sign that says “Thanks!”

I’m About To Start Crying

avi is such a cool dude i love him. good npc

PALOMA TIME

“did i make the right choice?” :( literally i started crying who am i

“big fuckin walking story bible over here.”

“TELL THEM TO MAKE MY DICK BIGGER!”

cassidy w a lil suit :) i picture cassidy as final pamesque and i don’t know why. but i love it

june is 15 :’) has a waitressing job and everything

An Tube With Magnus’ Name On It

barry stop possessing people jesus

“i won’t be able to protect you.” / “bite my ass,” and he opens the tube.

i wanna see ren.

“OH MY GOD TAAKO!”

top of her class :’)

“first and only graduate”

“i’ve been watching the whole time.” i’m literally crying. i hate this.

were the istus brothers modelled off of the undertale skellingtons. because uh happy fingers in his ass sunday

“is the static anything we need to be concerned about?” babe.

burly red robe

MOST BIRDS CAN FLY TO THE MOON

davenport takes the relic hell yeah

“that sounds fucking awful.” poor girl. Im Crying.

merle stargazes. which is nice. and deeply fucking sad.

there are fewer stars in the sky. merle it’s your evil fuckbuddy trying to talk.

IT’S KRAVITZ “DUMB BITCH” KRAVITZ.

super handsome face

“that one’s on me!”

“you can see what’s on it—but your mind turns to static.”

AND IT’S AN INCREDIBLY FAMILIAR FACE, MAGNUS, BECAUSE IT’S YOURS. LET’S FUCKIN GO WILD

[softpink]

A Year on Spotify: 2017

100. Fat Lip - Sum 41 - I can’t believe this song invented music.

It’s none of your concern, I guess I’ll never learn I’m sick of being told to wait my turn

99. Energy - Drake - I love being part white.  This was a go to gym song when I was in a bad mood, which was A LOT over the summer.

I got girls in real life trying to fuck up my day, fuck going online that ain’t part of my day

98. Bad Girls - M.I.A. - Erin and I always listen to this song while driving anywhere together, even though we are the two least bad people I know.

Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well

97. Nerve - The Story So Far - You know, I used to always complain about how the self titled was their worst album.  In the past year, I have found that I actually like this album better than What You Don’t See. You set your pace, I’ll keep mine too

96. Seventy Times Seven - Brand New - Too bad Jesse Lacey is a TRASH CAN and Brand New is CANCELLED.  I’ve honestly just stopped listening to Brand New near the end of 2017.  Too many of the song (Maradona, Sudden Death, Sic Transit Gloria, etc) made me TOO uncomfortable. This song is still better than There’s No “I” In Team tho Have another drink and drive yourself home, I hope there’s ice on all the roads And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt, and again when your head goes through the windshield

95. Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac - This song STILL slaps.  I’ve never cheated on someone, I’ve never been cheated on, but damn this entire makes feel like I’ve done both of those thing excessively.

Loving you isn’t the right thing to do How can I ever change things that I feel?

94. There, There - The Wonder Years - This is my PEAK anxiety song.  I’ve never had a song that encapsulates what my specific anxieties feel like so well.

I’ve got my heart strung up on clothing lines through tenement windows in mid-July

93. Wildest Dreams - Taylor Swift - This song is so GOOD. Have you ever been hooking up with someone in secret? Ever had to end things with someone when you didn’t want to? Ever only have fond memories of someone? This is the song for YOU.  I remember listening to this song a lot freshman year of college in the fall, how long ago that seems.

Say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset babe Red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams

92. Goodmorning - Bleachers - I am pretty sure I dream about Mike more than anyone in my friend group.  I will have these intense, real dreams where I can feel him.  I will have hazy, abstract dreams where maybe I can’t see him, but I wake up and I know he’s there.  I have nightmares about the accident.  I have dreams that are just a movie reel of our old memories.  Sometimes it’s wonderful, getting visited by him, but sometimes it can almost be debilitating.  This song captures that feeling perfectly.

Woke up, I’m in the inbetween, honey One foot out and I know the weight is coming, because I left it by the bed last night Open my eyes, and I stare and pray for light Always one foot out when you say goodbye to the one that you love, one dream away from the  ones above That’s such a rhythm in my life these days, so I hold on tight and I learn to behave

91. Using - Sorority Noise - Not gonna kill myself 2k17

I stopped wishing I was dead, learned to love myself before anyone else

90. Bugatti (Remix) - Ace Hood - This is a defining song of my friendship with Will.

I’mma say this, fuck it I’ll say it: if you got good pussy you should always have your rent paid

89. Falling In Love Again - Joyce Manor - I remember when I had my first time with Michael, this song was stuck in my head.  I remember his sports themed wallpaper border in his old bedroom.  I remember looking at the streetlights reflecting off of his window pane.  I remember total bliss.  I remember his soft kisses, how held me so close afterwards.

I think you’re funny, I like your friends, I like the way the treat you I’ve got some money that we could spend, not that you’re like that I’m falling in love again I’m falling in love again

88. Nasty Habits - You Me At Six - I miss old YMAS. I wish Night People wasn’t wannabe Black Keys junk.

I’ve got you breathing all heavy and deep, gasping for air and down on your knees You’re in love for only as long as you want to

87. Shimmer - Moose Blood - I remember sending this to Molly, I want to send her my deepest apologies.  This song is so sad, I’m glad it doesn’t apply to my life anymore.

It’s been awhile since I saw you You don’t look the same, you taste different too

86. Run Away With Me - Carly Rae Jepsen - This was the first song we listened to on the DC roadtrip.  That was one of the best weekends of my life, I can’t wait for all the places Maddy, Will, and I go in the future.

Oh baby, take me to the feeling I’ll be your sinner in secret When the lights go out, run away with me

85. Something Right - Microwave - This song makes me irrationally sad?

Last night you told me you were pregnant My throat collapsed, I couldn’t breathe You said there’s a little man inside you, who looks a little bit like me

84. Reckless Love - Bleachers - I love having to come to terms with emotional and sexual abuse! People fucking suck!

So give me a chance to remember, what I’ve given up to defend you I have burned my dreams away, to stand in the broken shadows of your reckless love

83. You Tore Out My Heart - Tiny Little Houses - I remember listening to this a lot in August.  August was a hard month.

I’m so tired of being afraid, and I’m so sick of wasting away And there’s no truth in whatever you say You tore my heart out again and again

82. The Let Down - Seaway - This is their best song

Oh it’s all the same, if you feel the same we’ll never change

81. Meet Me In the Hallway - Harry Styles - THIS! ALBUM! DESERVED! MORE! It’s so good.  It’s the best thing anyone post split has put out.  I listened to this album non stop when it came out.  This song sounds like a dream I’ve had in the past.  This song sounds like hoping for that late night text, this song sounds like longing.

We don’t talk about it, it’s something we don’t do Because once you go without it, nothing else will do

80. Closer - Chainsmokers - I know everyone hates this song but I like this song whoops

Four years no call, now I’m looking pretty in a hotel bar

79. Local Man Ruins Everything - The Wonder Years - This song has gotten me through every single rough patch in my life.  Anytime that I’ve needed to move on from something in life, this is THE song.

I don’t have roses in the closet, but I’ve got pictures in a drawer It’s everything left in me not to stare at them anymore

78. I Think I You Were In My Profile Picture Once - Modern Baseball - This song used to remind me vaguely of Scott way back in the day, but now it is purely a Mike song.  I remember laying in my bedroom with all the lights off after the funeral and just listening to this song. It’s funny how drastically things can change.

Covered in bottles with the stench of a loss of life And I know that it’s quite heartbreaking we won’t speak like this again

77. Blissth - Sorority Noise - Emotional trauma: the song

You’ll always be like a nightmare to me, and I’ll always be begging for sleep

76. Don’t Take the Money - Bleachers - Do you ever have a song that just makes you feel alive? This is that song.

You steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it

75. 10 Bands - Drake - This is the best song off of If You’re Reading This… This is THE Drake song to listen to while driving in rain at night when you’re pissed off.  I can’t tell you how many times this summer I would drive around blasting this song being pissed off.  Also, my favorite lyric to this song? Iconic.

My ex asked me “where you moving?” I said onto better things

74. I Wish You Would - Taylor Swift - I don’t remember listening to this that much this year? This was a genuine surprise to see.  I DID listen to this a lot in the early fall of 2015, when things were in a weird place with Scott.  Once again, that feels so long ago geez.  I remember feeling like this song was all I was ever going to feel like.  Thank God for moving on, Thank God for change.

It’s 2 A.M. in your car, you pass my street, the memories start You say it’s in the past, you drive straight ahead You’re thinking that I hate you now because you still don’t know what I never said I wish you would come back, wish I never hung up the phone like I did I wish you knew that, I’ll never forget you as long I live

73. 505 - Arctic Monkeys - Has a song ever given you anxiety, made you sad, and made you want to get laid all at the same time?

But I crumble completely when you cry, it seems like once again you have to greet me with goodbye

72. Chicago Is So Two Years Ago - Fall Out Boy - This song makes me want to punch every person who has ever wronged me DIRECTLY in the face. You want apologies? Girl you might hold your breath until your breathing stops, forever The only thing you’ll get is this curse on your lips, I hope they taste of me forever

71. Out of the Woods - Taylor Swift - I love Bleachers.  Anyway, I love to listen to this song while driving by myself late at night, it’s a very surreal feeling.

Looking at it now, last December We were built to fall apart, then fall back together

70. Dakota - A Rocket to the Moon - If Molly or Bethany is in the car, this song is never skipped.  I miss power pop.

I know that she barely knows me, and I’m fake in love with her It’s like I’m singing karaoke, and I forgot the second verse, but I can make up my own words

69. Harvard - Diet Cig - Remember when my ex, who I hadn’t spoken to in YEARS decided to send me a long ass message apologizing for shit that I no longer desired an apology for? Remember when this happened in a fucking Denny’s? Remember when at the end of the message, he somehow managed to make it all about himself and his annoying ass liberal arts school in the woods of Vermont? 2017 was the year of people not being able to Leave Me Alone.

Does it feel better in your ivy league sweater? Put your work shoes on, and talk about her at your shitty job. Does it feel better in that cold Boston weather? Fuck your ivy league sweater, you know I was better.

68. Corrigan - Sorority Noise - I remember listening to this song while driving to the job I hated.  This song has nothing to do with working a dead end desk job, but I always seem to associate it with that?

I will never be the one you need I only hope to be the solid ground beneath your feet I will never be the turning of your leaves I only hope to be the one you call when you can’t sleep

67. Fall Into These Arms - New Politics - This was also a surprise, I don’t remember listening to this a lot this year.  It is on a lot of my playlists because it’s catchy af, so that must be why it made the list.  I remember listening to this in fall of 2015 (honestly, what WASN’T I listening to a lot in fall of 2015) while feeling like I was drowning in poor choices.

Fall into these arms, and spend the night with a stranger like me

66. Style - Ryan Adams - This song is HOT. Also my favorite line really resonates with me. This has been in my top 100 since 2015 when this came out, it’s SO good.

You’ve got that long brown hair thing that I like You’ve got that good girl faith and ass so tight

65. Right Back At It Again - A Day To Remember - Wow I love being emo? This song always reminds me of the Cheektowaga gang.

So here I am, right back at it again, just like I always said

64. Pretense - Knuckle Puck - There are about five KP songs total that I enjoy, but this song SLAPS. This was another song that I would listen to a lot in August of this year.

Consider this the repercussion of the actions you were never properly punished for Due to an overbearing demeanor brought on by your own self awareness Your credibility is a half empty glass of salt water that I watched you spill over and over and over again Go ahead, make me the bad guy

63. Grapefruit - Aaron West & The Roaring Twenties - This is THE SADDEST SONG TO EVER BE WRITTEN.  I listened to this whole album a lot throughout this year, it’s such a good depression album.

In all my dreams, I’m in the house that I grew up in I’m trying to be half the man I know my dad is, or was I see me as a father, looking over a daughter Who grew up to be just like you, and now It’s just a thread I can’t hold onto It’s just an open wound

62. HUMBLE. - Kendrick Lamar - This was a go to gym song for the first half of the year, but honestly by the second half of the year I was way more into DNA.

Girl, I can buy your ass the world with my paystub

61. Doses & Mimosas - Cherub - Lol @ the time I went to a RAVE in 2017.  As someone who has never done drugs and doesn’t plan to, I don’t think I will be going to a rave ever again.  I did watch someone do cocaine right next to me in the middle of Town Ballroom.  Shit was wild.  Anyway, Cherub sucked live but I still love this song?

To all the bitch ass hoes who hate me the most, I hate you too

60. Your Graduation - Modern Baseball - This is another one of those songs that I thought I would be stuck living for the rest of my life.  I remember listening to this song on a constant loop for MONTHS my junior year of high school.  I remember making Scott listen to this when we were both very drunk, and for the first time in his life he actually APOLOGIZED to me.  NOW, fast forward to 2017 this is just a song that I like to jam out to.  I love positive growth, I hope I have even more of it in the coming year.

You weren’t the only one who thought of us that way I spend most nights awake, wide awake I never thought that I, that I would see the day Where I just let you go, let you walk away

59. Hands On Me - Ariana Grande - I’m gay

Skirt off, keep the high heels on

58. You Are In Love - Taylor Swift - The first time I heard this song, I cried so hard. It is truly Michael and I in a song. It’s so perfectly us.  It’s so beautiful.  Every single word in this song resonates with the both of us so much. I remember laying in his bed with him late at night, and he just held me while we listened to this song together.  I’m so corny, I love my boyfriend so much.

Morning, his place.  Burnt toast, Sunday. You keep his shirt, he keeps his word. And for once you let go of your fears and your ghosts. One step, not much, but it said enough. You kiss on sidewalks, you fight, and you talk One night he wakes, strange look on his face Pauses and says “you’re my best friend” And you knew what it was, he is in love

57. I’m The Best - Nicki Minaj - Whenever I want to drop out of school, I think about how disappointed Nicki would be, and I keep chugging along.

To all my bad bitches, I can see your halo

56. The Downfall Of Us All - A Day To Remember - It’s 2017 and this song still slaps

Duh duh duh duh duhduhduhduh duh duh duh duhduhduhduh 55. We All Float Down Here - Four Year Strong - It’s 2017 and this song ALSO still slaps.  I regret not going to their 10 year tour this past year, smh.

Too bad you never did have the guts to know where your heart should go

54. Septemberism - Man Overboard - This is song is the face of the early 10’s pop punk movement.  This the best pop punk song that will ever be written.  I only own Man Overboard merch. I remember feeling the floor buckle underneath us at Webster when they played this on the farewell tour.

I hate you, you should have picked up the phone tonight

53. If It Means A Lot To You - A Day To Remember - WOW I LOVE BEING EMO.  Remember when Molly and I were both crying to this song during their set and NO ONE noticed?

I swear I’ll never be happy again, and don’t you dare say we can just be friends

52. She’s Out Of Her Mind - Blink-182 - California is a bad album, but this is a great song.  It always reminds me of my sister, I can’t wait till she moves back to Buffalo.  It’s not the same without her around.

She’s got a black shirt, black skirt, and Bauhaus stuck in her head.

51. Out Of The Woods - Ryan Adams - This is better than the Taylor version, and the Taylor version is one of my all time favorite songs.  This songs sounds so different than the original.  It sounds so hopeless and SAD.

Two paper airplanes, flying, flying…..

50. Second Letter From St. Julien - Sorority Noise - While on the drive to the Sorority Noise concert: “Hey Maddy, what if they open with Second Letter?” “Nah they wouldn’t do that.” As you can imagine, that is exactly what happened.

And if you’re with God, am I making you proud by waking up each day?

49. The Waterboy Returns - Modern Baseball - For reasons unknown, I would always listen to this while driving to school this semester.  I can’t tell you why.  This song is a Mike song, so I was rolling up to 8 AM nursing lab in tears lmao.

It’s been a lifetime since we spoke last, I have a thousand things to say

48. Appointments - Julien Baker - This song makes me feel like I’m drowning, but in the best way.  The entire album was my favorite of 2017 and I am sure that every song will be in my most played of 2018.  She’s just too good.

Nothing turns out like I pictured it, maybe the emptiness is just a lesson in canvases

47. St. Joe Keep Us Safe - Aaron West & The Roaring Twenties - As a born and raised Catholic who is very close with their parents, this song makes me an unmeasurable amount of sad

I’m sorry Aaron, I know this year has been hard. If you’re hurt then you’re hurt, no I won’t make it worse, I’m always in your corner

46. Too Good - Drake - This is one of two good songs of Views.  

You’ve got somebody other than me Don’t play the victim when you’re with him

45. Feeling This - Blink-182 - This song makes me feel very sad, and brings me back to the summer when I was sixteen, depressed, and making terrible life choices

Fate fell short this time, your smile fades in the summer

44. Sundress - Tiny Moving Parts - This song reminds me of Robin and The Boys Cabin Trip 2017.  It was SO much fun this year.  It was a weekend of absolute fucking around.  We swam in the lake, we kayaked, we shot off BB guns, we cooked meals together and just bonded. Making jungle juice, playing pong in the yard, shooting off fireworks, popping champagne and getting Owen a graduation cake, doing shots of expensive tequila. Ben spending the night wrapped around the toilet, cleaning up plastic cups while everyone was still asleep in the morning because I was only one awake early in the morning.  Doing the Tops bottle return of shame, with a cart full of rattling bottles and cans.  I loved every second of that weekend.  I love that I’m still close with my high school friends, I love that I can still call them some of my best friends in life even if we don’t see each other too often.

Grab my hand let’s dance, like we used to in high school These are the golden years, let’s spend them holding beers One hand on the can, one hand in your hand, that’s my idea of romance I love you, at least I used to

43. From the Dining Table - Harry Styles - Wow I miss Haylor. This song is sad, like most songs I listen to, go figure.

Maybe one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too Even my phone misses your call, by the way

42. Back to Back - Drake - Look, this summer was a whole bunch of bullshit and I’m glad it’s behind me

Trigger fingers turn to twitter fingers

41. Break Your Heart Right Back - Ariana Grande - This is an UNDERRATED Ariana song. It’s catch af, this was also a go to gym song this year.

I should have saw it coming, I should have saw the signs But I wanted to believe you, just you, you said you wouldn’t lie

40. Fourth of July - Fall Out Boy - All of my favorite FOB songs are written about Mikey Way

I wish I’d known how much you loved me, I wish I cared enough to know I’m sorry every song’s about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

39. Your Best Friend - Seaway - I lied, this is Seaway’s best song.  A great song for when you’re annoyed with people who you don’t want in your life anymore.

I hate when you whisper to me that you think you should be the one who could be taking me home Because you’ve got problems, and I never asked to solve them

38. Forever - Drake - I LOVE BASKETBALL

LIKE A SPRAINED ANKLE, BOY I AIN’T NOTHING TO PLAY WITH

37. Touch It - Ariana Grande - This concert with Maddy was an out of body experience honestly.  It was SO MUCH FUN.  This also started our tradition of post concert Jim’s.  This was one of the best days of 2017.

Remind me why we’re taking a break, it’s obviously insane Because we both know what we want, so why don’t we fall in love?

36. It’s Okay - Pentimento - Personal growth: the song

And it haunts me, every single world you said But I never thought I’d say this….it’s okay

35. The Place That You Love - Have Mercy - Being lied to sucks, I listened to this song a lot when all of that shit hit the fan.

So why’d you do it? Why are you selfish? Why can’t I trust you anymore? Where’s the sorry? No pity party, when you come and knock on my door

34. Moonlight - Ariana Grande - Dangerous Woman is a pop masterpiece, also I love my mans

He’s so bossy, he makes me dance Trying to sit in the back of his whip and just cancel my plans Sweet like candy, but he’s such a man

33. Cool - Gwen Stefani - Fun fact: The first time I realized I was attracted to women was when I watched this music video! Also this song is the ULTIMATE at peace with your ex song, and I am really happy to say that I believe I’ve reached that level of zen in my life

And I’ll be happy for you, if you can be happy for me Circles and triangles, and now we’re hanging out with your new girlfriend So far from where we’ve been, I know we’re cool

32. Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift - This is honestly the worst song off of Reputation, but I was just very excited when she released new music so I listened to it a whole bunch regardless

Maybe I got mine but you’ll all get yours

31. Heart Out - The 1975 - This song reminds me of the couple months between when Michael and I met, and when we actually started dating.  Specifically reminds me of the night of The Wonder Years show, March 5th 2016.  I remember him having his arm around me in Town Ballroom and feeling like everything was right in the world.

You’ve got something to say, why don’t you say it outloud? Instead of living in your head

30. Your Deep Rest - The Hotelier - This is one of my all time favorite songs.  This song punches me in the goddamn face every time I hear it

Your lack of love for your dearself is sapping all of us here out Trace your roots back to the ground, work out the problem for yourself

29. Thinking About You - Ariana Grande - I cried during this song at the concert.  This song is about masturbating.

Had me arching my back, had my eyes rolling back Now you love me so good, I wish you would hurry up and come back

28. Me vs.The Highway - The Wonder Years - Remember when they only played this at the Buffalo date? I almost blacked out, I was so excited.

I remember me at eighteen Naked in your parent’s basement, young and careless, watching you blow smoke rings

27. Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper - That Park & Rec scene with April and Ann singing this? Yep.

If you’re lost you can look and you will find me, time after time

26. Solo - The Story So Far - This is the best song off of the self titled don’t @ me

I wish you’d just call, and we could hash it out I could tell you what I’m so mad about

25. Disappeared - Sorority Noise - No song has ever explained long term grief like this one

I let my hair down today, and I took a shower for the first time in what felt like weeks

24. Happy Birthday - Tiny Moving Parts - I don’t smoke weed, but this song definitely makes me feel like I do

Getting stoned in the back of a car, you have no idea where you are But you’re satisfied with life, and you don’t think twice of it

23. New Scream - Turnover - I’m really glad I’m finally in a field of study that I feel confident and happy in.  When I was in the transition between Fredonia and nursing school, I was stressed out and sad. I felt so lost, and I would listen to this song all of the time for that year of my life.

Adolescent dreams gave to adult screams Paranoid that I won’t have all the things they say I need

22. Better Man - Little Big Town - I can’t believe Taylor Swift wrote one of her all time best songs and GAVE THAT SHIT AWAY!!!

You’re jealousy, I can hear it now.  You’re talking down to me, like I’ll always be around You push my love away like it’s some kind of loaded gun, boy you never thought I’d run Sometimes in the middle of the night, I can feel you again But I just miss you and I just wish you were a better man

21. 6 God - Drake - Another go to gym song AND driving around while in a bad mood song.  This was Drake’s last good album smh

And just like every single other thing in my life, you can have her when I’m finished

20. Die For You - The Weekend - Do you really get in a fight with your partner if you don’t listen to this song?

Even though we’re going through it, and it makes you feel alone Just know that I would die for you

19. Humming - Turnover - Molly told me to listen to this song when Michael and I started dating, because in her words “it’s the ultimate lovers song.” and holy fuck, she was right.

Show me why you’re always smiling, laugh again and make me fall in love

18. Settle Down - The 1975 - This is the best song off of the self titled, no question

You’re cold and I burn, I guess I’ll never learn

17. Wild Heart - Bleachers - Strange Desire as a whole is a very important album to me.  It really got me through Mike’s death, and continues to to do this day

Now everything has changed, and it’s only you that matters I will find anyway to your wild heart

16. IV. Sweatpants - Childish Gambino - I think I listened to this every single day in the month of August, holy shit.

You’re faker than some sweet and low

15. Our Apartment - Aaron West & The Roaring Twenties - I remember being SUPER SICK at this concert, and Michael took care of me so well the whole time. I love my peach so much oh my God.

I found enough of your hairpins to build you a monument, a statue to loneliness

14. I’m Serious, I’m Sorry - Jeff Rosenstock - The lyric I’m about to share is my autobiography and I’m going to get the entire thing tattooed down my ribs like the Jasey Rae girl. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve screamed this bridge in my car while driving by myself down the 990.

Were you supposed to not go to college? Stay in your mom’s house on the computer Googling grief cures, talking to no one Waiting for life to start feeling better Waiting for pain to not be a constant

13. A Change Of Heart - The 1975 - Such a good “I’ve moved on” song

You used to have a face straight out a magazine, now you just look like anyone

12. …Ready For It? - Taylor Swift - I’m gay

In the middle of the night, in my dreams You should see the things we do, baby

11. Two Ghosts - Harry Styles - WOW I MISS HAYLOR

We’re not who we used to be We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

10. I Don’t Fuck With You - Big Sean - I’m so glad this made the top ten. Thank you to Big Sean for CLEANSING us with this song.

Everyday I wake up celebrating shit, why? Because I just dodged a bullet from a crazy bitch

9. I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers - This song has been integral in me coming to terms with grief and bettering myself as a person.  This is the ultimate hype track.

I chase that feeling of an eighteen year old who didn’t know what loss was

8. Love Me - The 1975 - This is the song that really got me into The 1975

A decline in the standards are what we accept

7. One Last Time - Ariana Grande - This is the most underrated of all of her singles, smh.  It’s so good?

I don’t really care if you’ve got her in your heart I really care is you wake up in my arms So one last time, I need to be the one who takes you home

6. Your Ex-Lover Is Dead - Stars - This song takes my breath away. It’s so fucking real, it’s so accurate. I love this song so much, I’m surprised it isn’t higher on this list to be honest.

It’s nothing but time and a face that you lose I chose to feel it and you couldn’t choose I’ll write you a postcard I’ll send you a note, from the house down the road from real love Live through this, and you won’t look back There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry it’s over I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save

5. No Halo - Sorority Noise - This song reminds me of Shawn, I think about how he didn’t come home for Mike’s funeral a lot.  This whole album meant a lot to me, and Citizen cancelling their show and Sorority Noise playing a full set is one of the best things that happened to me in 2017.

So when you show up to my funeral, will you be wearing white or black?

4. Sex - The 1975 - I didn’t realize I listened to this much 1975 this year, lol

Now we’re on the bed in my room, and I’m about to fill his shoes But you say no, you say no

3. Bonfire - Childish Gambino - I listened to this during every workout I did this year, it’s such a pump up song

Tell me how I suck again my memory is hazy

2. Somebody Else - The 1975 - This song sounds like Depeche Mode and I am in love with it.  It’s so pretty, and my sister and I would listen to it together all of the time.

I’m looking through you while you’re looking through your phone and then leaving with somebody else I don’t want your body, but I hate to think about you with somebody else

1. Cutting My Fingers Off - Turnover - Let the record show that if Michael and I ever break up, you can find me on my bedroom floor listening to this on an endless loop

To make you go, to make you go, I never wanted to make you go You might be a stranger now, but I just wanted to let you know that I meant what I said