#me not posting tf2 what a miracle

[cassoliravioli]

Hey guys this is md cyn from murder drones and shes literally about to blow up copper9

[purseownervolatile]

Ok so the TF2 comics are finally done and it was a beautiful end and I loved it but there are some things that don't really make sense, possibly because it's an old ass series and the writers didn't know literally everything that had been written before, so now I'm yapping about that stuff on my tumbler dot com. Come join me if you like!

Part 1: The Family Photo

In 2009's Haunted Hallowe'en Special update page (now retroactively known as Scream Fortress I) clicking on Zepheniah Mann's tombstone would bring up his will. Clicking on the name of Barnabus Hale would then lead to this family portrait:

In 2010, on the Scream Fortress update page, clicking on Silas Mann's Grave led to a larger version of this family portrait

As an aside, it's worth noting that the original portrait appears to be a complete photo, given the white borders all around it, while the second one looks like it was torn in the middle for whatever reason. If you don't remember Silas Mann, I don't blame you. I myself literally found out about him today. His claim to fame is somehow being transformed into the Horseless Headless Horsemann but that's beside the point. The important thing is that, until recently, he was presumed to be Zepheniah's brother and confirmed to be a co-owner of Mann Co. in the first day of The Engineer update (which was actually the first time he was named).

Yet Zepheniah has this to say about himself in Comic #7:

So then who is Silas Mann? Someone Zepheniah did not see the need to eliminate despite having stake in the company. I thought he may be a cousin but this also seems unlikely as Ezekiel Mann lost his 3 sisters to a house fire before becoming a millionaire, which he did at the ripe old age of 17.

So then the particulars of Silas Mann remain contradictory, which is going to be a bit of a theme with this post. Perhaps he expressed disinterest in the company early on in his life? But he was still holding stake in the company for a good long while and even out lived Zepheniah. Alas, a mystery never to be solved.

Part 2: The Mann in the middle

Back to Halloween 2009, when we got to see Zepheniah Mann's Will, there was one paragraph at the bottom conveniently covered in sand. Much later, in 2012's the Mann vs Machine teasers, we finally got to see the obscured text through a mysterious (second) bloodstain that appeared on the main page.

So it is possible that this person could be Gray Mann and I think that's what most people had assumed up to this point but the 7th comic implies that the first time Gray actually appears to anyone related to the Manns is when he shows up at the manor to talk to "Elizabeth" about the Miracle Gravel. Australium.

So now this seems just as improbable. I'm assuming the writers were also aware of this as they conveniently placed soldier's fat thumb over it

But notice how low his thumb is in the image. In the previous versions of the family portrait, the obscured Mann seems to be almost as tall as Redmond, if not taller, yet here Soldier's thumb ends right above his elbow, which sort of implies to me there isn't anyone under there at all (or maybe a really short guy, who knows).

Aaaaand that's it for now! Are these retcons? Small misses by the exhausted writers? Who knows! No one cares! But I care that you read my little wall of text! Thank you and have a great rest of your day!

[dthmet]

It came to me in a dream. /j

I’m only posting this because I need somewhere to put my shenanigans. (And also so my next post makes more sense but shhhhhh secret)

Basically, me and my friends all started playing this Burger game on roblox together in Tf2 cos and it was fun as FUCK

I jokingly said “what if I made a Burger King AU were they all work at burger king” I was gnna write a fanfic (think I still might) about them all instead of being mercenaries, they are burger king employees, and the thought hasn’t left me SINCE.

So, here are some little ideas I thought would be funny to put down somewhere other than my notes app:

Scout chasing Spy around the kitchen areas with a tray, trying to hit him with it. (Actually happened in game, it was funny as fuck)

Medic being weirdly protective over his “area” of the staff room, were he sits and experiments on the food. (Wait, where did he find all of those medical instruments??? And is that… a mutated burger???)

Spy wearing suits or turtlenecks under his uniform, he says it’s because at least SOMEONE has to look presentable in the establishment. (Engie then reminds him he’s working at a Burger King, not a 5 star restaurant. Spy then spends the rest of the work day moping around and mumbling about how “he could’ve done better than this”)

Engineer surprisingly being a clean freak and gets heavily offended when Sniper forgets to wash his hands in the employee bathroom. (After that Engie refused to let Sniper be anywhere near the customers or kitchen until Engie made sure Sniper’s hands were 100% clean.)

Pyro has almost burnt down the whole building MULTIPLE times. Any kind of food you get from them is always somewhat burnt, or has some unwanted candy that pyro got from god knows where lodged into it.

Heavy has scared off so many rude customers, whenever somebody has an issue with an entitled customer who’s just there to complain and scream for their manager, they always call Heavy in to stare them down and calmly (yet intimidatingly) explain that they need to leave— or whatever applies to the situation.

Demo has shown up drunk to work so many times, it’s a miracle he hasn’t been fired yet. But also occasionally if a rude customer tries bothering him, he’ll cuss them out with very slurred Scottish slang/insults— only reason he hasn’t been fired for that yet is because no one can even understand what he said. (“Awa’ an’ bile yer heid! Ye bawbag!”)

Solider is a hit with the middle aged men, he often yells about america and waves the American flag around the building, once Solider had gotten ahold of the speakers in the Burger King and started blasting the American anthem on LOOP. (He was not allowed to uses the speakers again after that.

Sniper is absolutely horrible with the customers, he’s always either saying too much or too little (and usually when he is saying too much it’s because he started panicking, and then told some customer all about how Australia is like, definitely over sharing about his own personal life in Australia). He ends up accidentally putting the customers off of their food by sharing some gross detail about the bugs or animals there, he then sits outside at the back and cringes over how stupid that was of him.

I May return soon with more Burger King AU info… shhhhh

[artshineaura]

not sure if this is gonna get me absolutely murdered or not, but in my opinion...

VALVE DOES NOT NEED TO WORK ON TF2 ANYMORE

i love tf2 as much as the next person, but i feel like the tf2 community tends to forget that 10-13 years of a game being supported, officially playable and updated, especially an online multiplayer game, is an absolute miracle.

its been 17 years now and just like other game studios, (especially moreso in this case given valves "work mostly on what you want" structure) the devs should be allowed to move on to newer projects, rather than being stuck to tf2 forever.

"but valve is profiting off of the game while keeping it unplayable! they should shut off all the servers and turn off the microtransactions!"

while i would agree in any other circumstance, TF2 has a massive economy built around it and its items. if you take down tf2s item servers or mann co store suddenly, or even with notice, there are people out there who would lose thousands of dollars.

i feel like this kind of anger would be better directed at the fact that valve still continues to update the game with community content, none of which they had ANY hand in creating, not to mention, so much of the content in these updates, which again, they havent helped make at all, they profit off of by selling. *this* is what im upset about with tf2 and valve. not the lack of fix for the bots.

i think ideally valve would either stop with the community made updates, or atleast put together community made updates where theres zero paid content.

...HOWEVER, much like anyone else, i do still love this game and if another #savetf2 were to happen, i would 100% partake in it! and id encourage you to do the same if you like the game at all!

i would love to see a fix to the bots and maybe even new major content updates, and id try to push for that online! but i would not go about it with the mindset of "valve MUST fix and update this 17 YEAR OLD GAME!!"

ofc i dont want to make anyone mad with this post. this is just my opinion. if you disagree and think it really is valves obligation to fix the game, thats cool! i just personally disagree

[turtlemagnum]

figured i should make a revised version of my pin (holy shit was it long(to be fair it still is(shut up!)))

facts about me for REAL GAMEWAD's:

the name's turtle. it's not my legal name, it's better!

my interests include writing, music, video games, animals, history, obscure political philosophy (and philosophy in general), making fun of virtually everyone who's ever been considered a philosopher, weeb shit, guns and occasionally other varieties of weaponry (usually the kind that individual people can effectively use), linguistics, and misanthropy. and also probably some other things i'm forgetting.

in terms of specifics, my biggest writing project/interest at the moment is this fantasy setting i've been developing for years now and marginally more recently, a game to go along with it and hopefully become successful enough to turn it into a series.

my musical tastes generally require some degree of complexity often not found in things like pop music. my fallback genre tends to be progressive rock, with some of my favorite artists in that group being yes, king crimson, jethro tull, jimi hendrix (best guitarist of all time i will FIGHT YOU), emerson lake and palmer, and while i'm not quite as experienced in terms of foreign prog i've really liked what i've heard from midas and (i think?) masayoshi takanaka. i think the most mainstream artist i like is bowie, which to be fair he's pretty weird for a really popular artist. i also like two (2!) whole metal groups, those being dio and symphony x. i think the main thing that really sets them apart from most other metal is that the singer actually sings rather than the generic metal screaming (which, to be fair, i think screaming can be done well, but we'll get to that later). nothing quite helps me think about writing as listening to really good metal, a lot of my setting has actually been heavily inspired by listening to dio (which, to be fair, his subject matter tends to have heavy fantasy elements, so it makes sense). i also like tally hall and most of its splitoffs (e.g. miracle musical and some of bora's stuff), and also lemon demon/neil cicierega, though to be fair i'm not hard into them like i used to be. very occasionally, i'll listen to old school funk/soul and the things it inspired like a good chunk of classic rap (like nwa). not sure if i'd consider death grips to be "rap", but that's probably the closest descriptor i'm aware of and either way, i do quite like death grippin'. a few other artists i like include oingo boingo/danny elfman's stuff, marty robbins (honest to jod the only country i actively enjoy), a bit of aphex twin and his infinite niche side projects, pilotredsun/pilotredsky, molchat doma, and queen.

i like a lot of different game series, but some of my favorites include UT/DR, zelda, mario, pre gen 5 pokemon (i know i'm a boomer but i was literally like 10 when gen 5 first came out and even back then i didn't like the look of it, and i've just sorta lost interest in pokemon games post that point), i'm a self loathing elder scrolls and fallout fan (the best idea bethesda ever had was letting obsidian develop new vegas), and i hate myself even more for becoming an unironic star wars fan after being recommended the KOTOR games as being some of the best RPGs of all time (KOTOR 2 is, and KOTOR 1 is enjoyable enough), being a sane PC gamer i love pretty much everything valve has ever touched e.g. half life and portal (with the exception of the CS games, they strive enough for realism that they're not fun mechanically but they're not realistic enough to be fun in terms of being a simulator)(also TF2 devoured my life during middle school and most of high school, but i've fallen out of love with it at this point), i fucking love the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. games, GTA is mostly a driving simulator for me where you can also just shoot anybody who cuts you off (which, to be honest should be a feature in literally every open world driving game, but i digress (isn't this whole thing an exercise in digression? (fuck you! shut up!!! bitch.))), and also i fucking love emulation and piracy sooooo so so soso much. sometimes i actively pirate things i already own just because i can. also i cheat in gtav online purely to get free money to buy all of the exorbitantly expensive shit and also not get griefed by the other cheaters. i like fast cars in video game!!! im not giving rockstar real money so i can buy the back to the future car!!!!!

i'm definitely a dog person, though i also very much love cats, and also i love pretty much all varieties of animal (though to be fair, i don't really like animals bred to be "cute" since they just kinda look like monstrosities to me. which to be clear, isn't their fault, and if i met one in person i'd be nice to it because it's still a little animal, but i just kinda feel bad for em y'know. not a fan of the dog eugenics to be perfectly honest. also, fuck invasive species, i'm not really into hunting but given the impact they tend to have on the native environment of the US, i definitely plan on hunting hogs, and also i like bacon/ribs/pork chops)

huge history nerd. most of my knowledge is from ww2 and onwards, but i do know a fair bit about general history. i'm definitely an amateur and by no means anything resembling an expert, but in my experience i tend to know a fair bit more about history than most normal people (i don't think there are many people under 30 these days who know what the hell a rhodesia was, for example)

in terms of philosophy, i don't really like to ascribe labels to myself and prefer to simply state my beliefs and opinions, mostly because in my experience people will generally mostly agree with what i have to say so long as i don't call myself the label that arguably most accurately describes them. if you think i'm a communist, i'm not gonna refute you, but i'm not gonna actively choose to call myself a communist. same goes with terms like "liberal", "libertarian", "anarchist", or "socialist", since literally all of these terms are deeply politically loaded and tend to mean different things to different people, i could very well describe the same positions i hold to two very different people, and they'd each very likely come away with a different label that probably says more about them than it would about me. i, of course, have my own opinions on what these words mean, but they're generally unpopular ones that will undoubtedly make someone angry. thus, i consider the only winning move to be simply not playing. to be frank, if you're at all curious about my beliefs, just read through enough of my posts as i tend to be pretty open about what i'm thinking. also, if you know who my pfp is, you probably have a pretty good starting point to make sense of my views from.

in terms of making fun of philosophers, i'd like to propose a hypothetical. let's assume that the afterlife is real. personally, i don't think marx would be in a hell at the behest of a higher being. i do, however, think that he'd be forever condemned to be surrounded by the countless generations of insufferable marxists incessantly arguing in typical leftist infighting fashion, which i'd argue may as well be hell

in terms of weeb shit, i mostly mean anime, which is to say the few anime i've historically had the attention span to watch and the rare manga i've had the attention span to read. during the wait for part 5 of jjba to be animated, i read through part 5-7 and i still haven't caught up with the part 6 anime. i fucking love what i've seen from cowboy bebop and honestly i need to pick it back up, i've more recently watched a decent chunk of fist of the north star, and the most recent manga i've read was a compilation of the yugioh manga (which i honestly didn't expect to be as good as it was). i forget if it was this year or last year, but i watched fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood all the way through and fucking loved it (not sure if i'd call it the best anime of all time, but moreso out of a lack of broad experience and a hate for sweeping generalizations rather than thinking it's overhyped). and also i grew up on youtube abridged bullshit like dbza and ygotas (and also like 2 VHS's of the gen 1 pokemon anime)

oh boy!! guns!!! so yeah i'm like, extremely autistic, and modern(ish) small arms are one of my biggest special interests. if you want me to explain basically anything about how guns work, ask me! please. i need to gun rant....! babey..!! (if you don't wanna hear about guns, probably don't follow me)

i like linguistics in much the same way that i like history, insofar as how i really like it and think it's so fucking cool and try to learn as much as i can about it but i'm also really stupid and have a hard time understanding the extremely complex bits (moreso with linguistics on that last part, i wish i knew how to read that thing where there's a specific character for literally every sound ever to make pronunciation guides completely unambiguous). also i really like the intersection of culture, linguistics and history and the like, i love how interconnected the fields are (though to be fair, basically everything is interconnected if you learn hard enough)

he/they/it pronouns because i don't really care how people refer to me as long as it's not femininely or neopronouns (nothing against either of those, just don't personally vibe with them). also, i like "it" because my grandparents would jokingly call me "it" a lot, and eventually it felt very much like a term of endearment (so weirdly enough, it doesn't feel dehumanizing to me despite that being The Point for most it/its users i've seen). my gender is just some guy, maan. or in other words, i'm an amab person who's more or less "gender confirming" with my biological sex, but also i reject a lot of the bullshit with "normal" masculinity so in essence: i'm a man when it's convenient, and genderless when it's not. sexuality is a bit weird, i can absolutely develop romantic feelings for people regardless of gender but in terms of sexual attraction, it's pretty much just women and people of other genders who present femininely/androgynously (though with women specifically, i also really like masc women, which Sucks for me because in my experience most of them are exclusively into other women)

fuckin uhh tags. vent tag is #turtlevent, gun tag is #turtlegunrant, will add as necessary

[team-council-two]

hi hello :D hope y’all are having a wonderful day-

thank you so much for making this blog because holy shit it’s gonna be so helpful <3

how do you say “Jesus Christ” in French ? context being it’s an exasperated exclamation

1. Many thanks - Aschen

Always happy to help! Now shower us with prompts and questions :) - Ray

Aw hey, thanks a ton - Cosmas

alpha here !! have a nice day too ! Personally, I'm glad you think this'll be useful. I just hope you and other people alike will be ready for how fuckin utterly disgustingly verbose I am, as expected of the person of this blog assuming authority on questions regarding spy (and perhaps what little scout could hope to have of french), and I am wishing you to manage to extract some glimpses of useful informations from my endless blabber still. (i also would like to apologise for my... sporadic use of ' and caps. i unfortunately have spent a good part of my life imitating dave strider's typing style, for i am the mandatory homestuck fan per project.)

onto the point !

well, what a simple yet interesting question, which yet easily unfolds into quite the lot of considerations to ponder !

so see, i am already forced to explain a little french thing known as our special relationship with religion, or as i fondly call it, our hellbentness on loudly frothing at the mouth whenever the church and catholicism is mentionned and our tendency to enjoy concepts such as the guillautine and the séparation de l'état et de l'église (chuch state separation for you English speaking friends)

This love for our république and révolution influenced us culturally a lot. In short; we do not refer to god for much or anything, including for the use religion based cusses, simply because we were hellbent on removing the catholic church from as much of our life as possible. It wasnt just royalty ! (we had a toast in the honor of the english queens death btw). But, because there always is a but, these cusses and the like still exist in french, and Spy is still someone who lives around americans a lot. so im assuming hed do the same as me, aka pick up a lot of language habits that youd usually not develop as much. this DOES include using religious based speech despite it all. A common consequence is, even if you don't say oh mon dieu/mon dieu a lot usually, well… Live long enough in America, and you will. But, because of course, there's always a but ! we do this because they have strikingly similar connotations ! Both can be used for surprise, fear and exhaustion alike. So. Let me actually answer this.

First, Jésus Christ is how you say it in french but it's pronounced completely different, like jeh-zus creest. Second, that said its not one i'd quite use interchangeably, at least for this case. You see, not only it sounds awkward as fuck in French and would be a real tongue twister to say in the middle of an English sentence (Ray's post on switching from Russian to English being hard also applies to French), it also would be that French uses this one a bit more restrictively : it's a thing you say more for surprising situations rather than quite exhaustion. We can but it's not our first choice. (also, on a side note, doux Jésus, lit. sweet jesus, is precisely for pleasant surprises too, as well as fear bound surprise. On a similar vein, the exclamation "Jesus !" will more often than not be better translated by "Christ !", but it really is. um. a nun/old time thing. It really is not common.)

Ironically mon dieu/bon dieu would likely be more fitting, bon sang (bloody hell ? Except that it's just. literally good blood.) but only if you follow it with a full mocking sentence like "bon sang, you are so fucking stupid it baffles me !…" or something like "bon sang, mais c'est quoi ce bordel ?" for full on, jesus christ what is this shit ? yknow. you even can use bon sang de bon soir. This whole thing reads as much more firm and almost angry compared to what you want, likely, tho. The absolute fucking peak of tired exhaustion, which is what I assume you're going for ? a standalone "mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu…" Complete with head shaking and rubbing your temples. Bonus for being a classic movie reference (le grand restaurant, any Louis de Funès fan here ? he might pop up a lot in what i refer to). "Doux Jésus de doux Jésus de doux Jésus…" also works the same, minus the cool reference. A good ole "oh putain" for when you realize sth is going fucky is good too, the classic "merde/et merde" also is commonly adviseable.

There are many options because despite Ray's insistance that French cussing is weak compared to Russian one, we do have an entire art of cussing a lot, cussing in specific ways and cussing in stupid and artful ways. please do not hesitate to provide more context and/or the paragraph in which this pops up. but overall ? since your audience will be in its majority either american, or french people used enough to american english, i wouldnt worry too much about jésus christ not being understood or noticed as an "error" despite its use being a tiny tiny bit different. This is overall nitpick. but hey ! Guess that's what we are here for.

[fictionkinfessions]

Fuckin' Spy. We made up when i was older but sometimes i look back at my entire life before i was like literally 30+ years old and go. Wow you fucked me up big time didn't you big man.

In a way i like. GET IT. He was a piece of shit deadbeat asshole but its because he was like traumatized by his job or whatever. Like i get it. And i get the reason he was a fuckin dick to me the entire time we were coworkers but like. Fuck man. Do you know how much that sucks.

Do you know how much that sucks being pushed to the side me entire life. The littlest of 8 other kids, and a dad who left me? The reason i was such a mamas boy was because ma was the only person in my entire life who actually went out of her way to give a shit about me. And then at literally maximum age 22 i meet this guy whos immediately an antagonist asshole to me for years, hates my guts, constantly insults me. Calls me weak and stupid and annoying and other shit i heard constantly my entire life. And then i found out hes my dad. What the fuck does a guy do? How the hell am i supposed to cope? It's a miracle you never saw me having a goddamn mental breakdown. Maybe you did and i can't remember. But can you like fucking IMAGINE? Can you understand for even a fraction of a second?

Im being unfair. Because me and my spy already. Talked about this. But that hurt doesn't ever go away. That feeling for a split second of thinking. I wanted this my entire life. I wanted a dad my entire life. And he hates me. Its. A lot.

Idk i don't have a point im just sad. If any spys read this don't. Take it too hard. I love you you old french bastard. I just needed to get some thoughts out there.

(Also, i didn't make it super clear to the lovely mod party cat this post is by a scout kin from TF2!)

[cassoliravioli]

Carrie (1976)

Poor Carrie, she deserved so much better

I kinda fell in love with the movie in the last few days ngl

[thenucleusincident]

I know that this will never be coming back, unless by some miracle, but in case you for some reason see this I wanted you to know that this story has been amazing and I really adore your writing. You don't find much good tf2 story content usually, so thanks. Thanks for writing this and for creating such an awesome idea and bringing it to life.

Thanks. I don’t know how many people are still following this blog, or how many have sent me messages only never to get a reply, but I am still here. Still hanging on. Since starting this story, I’ve fallen in love, moved to another country, discovered a lot about my gender identity/sexuality, had several breakdowns and built myself up all over again. Things have changed. A lot is still changing. It still surprises me that people still somehow find this - I’m not entirely sure how. I’ll probably never finish it - I’m getting too old for this I think, and I’m too self-conscious to finish something like this, that I once wrote without a trace of irony. But one of these days, I’ll probably put something here about how it would have ended. It’s still in my head somewhere, I might just need to refresh my memory. As you can probably see from the dates on the posts, it’s been a long time. I’m glad to see this old project of mine is still making people happy all these years later. If you all can just hold on a little longer, I’ll see what I can do for you. I feel like I at least owe you guys that. Take care. - The Author

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[pushspacetocontinue]

Rules Post for Mobile Users

Pretty much my rules page. But I’ve just realised I hadn’t got an actual post for it, which could pose some problems for mobile users. Hence why I’m posting it here now, mainly for the purpose of being able to being able to link it to mobile users. To those who have already seen and read my rules, don’t worry. As I said, this is just for mobile users who might not be able to get to them otherwise.

Things I will RP:

Violence

Fluff

Fights

‘Slice of Life’ stuff.

Crossovers (although there are some fandoms I won’t, but that’s because I’m not really a fan of them or don’t know much about them.)  

Gore

AU.

General Situations (e.g. Helping someone if sick, helping to rescue someone, etc etc)

Some Magic Anons (if they’re interesting enough for people to want to RP with - e.g. Like the ‘Pocket’ one I got.

Ships. The blog is multiship and each ship is set in a different verse from the other. However, that doesn’t mean I’m only out for shipping our characters in a romantic way. I love friendships, enemies, and plots away from shipping too.

Things I won’t RP:

Smut (although I am okay with innuendo, suggestive asks, and the typical Sexual Sunday/TMI Tuesday/Fetish Friday stuff.) I am of age, but I don't feel comfortable writing it. If sex actually happens (a miracle really, who would want him?), I’m happy to ‘fade to black’ and then skip to afterwards.

Rape/Non-con (it’s just not something I’m comfortable with. So if Russell tells your character ‘No’ or I say ‘No’ from a mod to another, it means ‘No!’)

Pedophilia (No. Just no! No! I don’t think I need to explain why I won’t. At least, I hope not.)

Bestiality (Again. No. I see that kind of stuff as being very wrong, although I am willing to discuss things regarding werewolves, splices etc.)

Pregnancy (once again, not something I’m comfortable with. it scares the shit out of me and grosses me out)

Alpha/Omega/Beta verse. (Not to sound shaming to anyone who does like it, but I really don’t. It creeps me out way too much. It makes me shudder.)

Age regression to the point of depending on other muses. (It makes me uncomfortable too. If Russell does get turned into a kid, he will stay at an age where he is fairly independent and capable of looking after himself.) 

Some Magic Anons (e.g. body swaps, weight gain, ones that change his personality in his extreme way, make him attracted to someone else, change his sexuality, ‘smutty’ stuff (e.g. aphrodisiac/heat effects) etc.)

With ‘real’ muses. If you have a real person (e.g. a youtuber, an actor, a kpop artist etc.) as your muse or one of them if you’re a multi-muse blog, I would rather not roleplay with them. Nothing against you, it just makes me feel a bit iffy. I’m okay with them being faceclaims for muses and I’m okay with alter egos (e.g. Antisepticeye or Darkiplier because they’re fictional characters as well), but if it’s an actual real person as a muse, I’d rather steer clear. Self-inserts also count under this I’m afraid. If you roleplay as yourself in threads, and the mun and muse are one and the same, then I’d rather not. Again, just like with roleplaying with real people, I just feel iffy about it. 

Other things:

Please don’t godmod. Of course, minor things like passing something to Russell and assuming he took it is fine. I will let you know if you are because it can be an easy mistake to make sometimes. However, if you continue to do it, then I will not continue with the thread. 

This blog is 18+. While I don’t smut, sometimes asks can be rather suggestive, and the blog does sometimes delve into more sensitive topics. For that reason, I’d rather minors stay away. 

When it comes to replies, I can be rather fast. That doesn’t mean I expect you to be. There is never any rush or pressure to reply quickly. I promise. Don’t stress yourself out. Take as much time as you want and remember that you never need to apologise or anything like that. There’s no deadline. It’s a hobby. Not a job.

The same goes for matching  post length, especially when I write a starter. I have a habit of setting the scene and I do sometimes use a few too many details. As long as I have something to work with and it’s at least a paragraph, then don’t worry about matching reply length.

If you can’t answer an ask I’ve sent because you’ve got too many already or you feel you just can’t give a good answer, or you feel a scenario wouldn’t work, don���t worry. Just don’t answer it. Delete it, forget, and don’t sweat it.

Same for dropping a thread. If you feel a need to drop a thread with me, because you don’t have anymore ideas, you’re not enjoying it anymore, you’ve got a lot of other threads going on and you feel overwhelmed etc., just do it. I will not hold it against you.

Basically, your comfort is important. Do what’s what right for yourself and I will do what I can to accommodate you. 

If you have any problems or you want me to tag something or you want to discuss anything, just talk to me. I don’t bite.

If we’re going to roleplay, I would find a lot easier if you have an About Page (for canon characters, even linking back to a Wiki page will suffice) and a Rules Page. Just enough so I know what you prefer and what your character is like. I think it just makes things a lot simpler for everybody involved. 

I love getting asks. I really do. If you want to continue the ask as a thread, I would really appreciate it if you made a new post for it (linking back to my answer or quoting me) and then tag me in it. It just looks a whole lot neater and makes trimming tidier. 

That said, if you want to reblog the ask just so you can keep it on your blog (I know some people who have done that), then you are more than welcome. 

If you’re going to reblog an ask meme from me, please at least make the effort to send something from that meme in. It’s why I reblogged it after all. If you can’t or don’t want to, try and get it from the source instead. This is something you should keep in mind for everyone you roleplay with. I will do the same for you. 

If you want to kill Russell, please talk to me first. He’ll respawn in the TF2 verse, but it’s always good to have it established and planned out. Otherwise, I would like to discuss it and see if it would work. 

Russell is gay! But he isn’t really open it unless he knows another muse won’t care or they’re gay or bisexual as well. Your muse shouldn’t know this or be able to guess this unless they are a telepath or unless he tells you. He is not “stereotypically gay”(Whatever the hell that means, person who said he showed a lot of gay stereotypes.)

Remember, just because Russell doesn’t like your muse, it doesn’t mean I don’t like you.

If I’ve missed a reply (as much as I try not to,) please do not hesitate to message me.

I, the mod, occassionally post OOC things (e.g. things I’m interested in etc,) but I tag them as such (e.g. ‘RussellMod is a butt’ or ‘OOC Interest’ for example.)

I won’t get angry or offended if you choose to unfollow me or want me to unfollow you (just tell me if you do want that by the way.) It’s your choice after all and I won’t question it.

My timezone is GMT. Which means I may go to bed a lot earlier than expected.

It’s sad that I need to add this rule, but unless I know you (drop me an ask letting me know who you are), then I’m afraid I won’t be allowing personals/non-roleplay blogs to follow me anymore. They will simply be soft-blocked. That said, if you are a personal and your roleplay blog is a sideblog, again, drop me an ask and let me know. 

You don’t need to send me a password or anything like that for reading these rules. I’ll quickly know if you haven’t. 

[tf2community]

@a-virtuous-pyromaniac submitted:

The Administrator, the Debt and the End: A Theory From Reddit

Hello! I saw this on r/TF2 and I don’t think it’s made its rounds on Tumblr. It’s well written and well-thought-out, so I thought I’d share. 

THIS IS NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK. IT BELONGS TO REDDITOR AVTHEMARSUPIAL. 

Original post can be found HERE.

*******

HUGE SPOILERS FOR ISSUE #6. SERIOUSLY, GET OUT IF YOU AIN’T READ THE COMIC YET.

Issue #6 of the post-MVM comics has come out, and boy, what a doozy.

Over the last five years since Blood Brothers and the Mann vs. Machine update, we’ve had lore trickle out at us in small pieces at a time. I’ve got some theories on what’s gonna happen next, but to get a handle on things, let’s recap.

I AIN’T KIDDING, MAN. SPOILERS AFTER THIS. THE COMIC’S LONG. IT’S WORTH IT. GO READ IT. YOU’LL BE GLAD YOU DID.

Our story starts on September 2nd, 1822, with the birth of the Mann Triplets to wealthy landowner Zepheniah Mann and Bette Mann (née Darling) during the Great Eagle Scourge of London.

One of the triplets, Grey, is a genius. The other two, well, are not. Grey is abducted by an eagle, and Redmond and Blutarch are raised to believe they are the only sons of Zepheniah Mann.

Over the next twenty-eight years, Zepheniah remains wealthy and successful, presumably by selling munitions across the British Empire.

In 1849, Grey resurfaces, and threatens to blackmail Zepheniah for all his Australium.

Around 1850, Zepheniah, Redmond, and Blutarch traveled to the United States, where they had purchased large areas of land in New Mexico hoping to expand the munitions business. Zeph contracts an incredible amount of sicknesses, and dies shortly after.

After his death, his Last Will and Testament is read.

Elizabeth, Zeph’s maidservant, was left the entirety of the Mann Estate, including what was left of his fortune.

Barnabus Hale, grandfather of Saxton Hale, was left complete control over Mann Co.

Redmond and Blutarch were left the lands of New Mexico to split evenly between themselves.

Finally, Elizabeth was left the entirety of Zeph’s “miracle gravel”, or as it was really known, Australium.

The Brothers Mann immediately begin fighting over the land, each hiring a team of 9 mercenaries to seize the land from the other, beginning a century long stalemate.

Barnabus Hale took over Mann Co. and even got into the coal mining business thanks to the Mann Brothers selling him a coal mine for 5 cents.

As for Elizabeth, that’s where things get tricky.

In 1890, Blutarch Mann hires Radigan Conagher to build him a machine to prolong his life indefinitely.

Radigan goes back to his workshop, where a mysterious woman is waiting for him. We’re never told who the woman is, but an obvious conclusion is that she has some connection to the present day Administrator Helen, and Zepheniah’s maidservant Elizabeth. The TF2 Wiki, going off of an old “printing” of Loose Canon names this woman as Emily, differentiating her from both Elizabeth and Helen. The Catch-Up comic, however, names this woman as Elizabeth, although with a different appearance than the previous Elizabeth. For purposes of simplicity, I’ll continue to call this woman Emily.

Emily gives a halfhearted attempt at convincing Radigan to not build the machine, and when that fails, attempts a counter-offer. Since 1880, Emily has been hunting down 100 pounds of Australium, which she offers to Radigan if he’ll build a second machine for Redmond Mann as well. Radigan accepts, naturally.

The 1st Life Extending Machine (LEM) is finished on July 17th, 1894 for Blutarch.

The 2nd LEM is finished on August 3rd, 1894 for Redmond.

But as we know from Loose Canon, Radigan built a 3rd LEM, which he finished April 14th of an unknown year.

Blutarch tells Dell that he’s had possession of Radigan’s notes for 60 years, so its assumed that some time around 1900, Radigan dies and is buried with his notes, only to be exhumed by Blutarch.

Time marches on, and the brothers hire a new team of mercenaries to fight, the Classic Mercs, presumably one of many teams hired. After a time, the modern day mercs are hired and organized under the team name of FORTRESS, to continue the same fight that has been going on since the 1850s.

Then everything changes when Grey Mann shows up, killing both Brothers, forcing Saxton Hale to give up his company, and forcing Helen to run away.

Grey, having discovered that the Mann Co. vault containing 200,000 pounds of Australium is empty, hires the Classic Mercs to hunt down the Fortress Mercs and lead him to Helen.

Miss Pauling goes on a mission to reassemble Team Fortress, burning Helen’s geneology records along the way, while Saxton Hale goes to see about getting his company back with the help of his old friend Maggie, and Charles Darling.

Darling, upon meeting Hale, requests Australium in exchange for getting Mann Co. back, and tells Hale that the Administrator has been “playing two old gravel magnates against each other, establishing thousands of shell companies, filling entire coal mines with bodies, and over the course of a hundred and fifty years, stockpiling the largest supply of Australium in the world.”

The Administrator later meets with Pauling, telling her that there are 89,000 tonnes of Australium in existence, and she has been collecting all of it in the six months since Grey took over Mann Co.

Engineer has been revealed to be in hiding with the Administrator, keeping her alive with the use of a LEM, one much more modern than even Grey’s.

The model on her arm is nearly depleted, and Engineer replaces it with a newer one, which he believes can run on a quarter of the Australium that the previous Mark 4 did.

Dell then confesses that they’re just kicking the problem down the road, and that when the Australium in the Mark 5 runs out, the Administrator will likely die for good.

She dismisses it, claiming

Your family has already given me more time than any of us deserves, Mister Conagher. I don't need much more. Just enough to settle an old debt.

The Classic Heavy then betrays Grey Mann, who confesses to Miss Pauling;

Whatever despicable things you think I would have done with that power…you’re right.

And I promise you, what she’s planning is worse. Stop her.

Grey’s deathbed confession makes little difference to Miss Pauling, and she continues on with the mission regardless.

After Heavy and the Cheavy fight, Grey Mann’s LEM is destroyed, and Cheavy becomes a weak, frail looking old man before he dies, presumably due to Australium withdrawal.

The Administrator, recovering from being dead, is informed by Engineer that only a small vial of Australium remains on Earth. The Administrator dismisses this, simply vowing to find more.

Engineer explains that due to the Mark 5, even the small vial of Australium can give the Administrator six months of life, but that her life, and her plans to settle her debt, are at an end.

Administrator makes peace with this, and uses the entirety of the remaining Australium to reverse her aging, giving her only an hour left to live, which is where Issue #6 ends.

Now that we’re done with the backstory, let’s get on with the theory.

The TF2 lore really begins with Loose Canon, and it’s incredibly weird that Blutarch just has possession of Radigan’s notes for the greater part of the 20th century before he decides to call up Dell and ask him to fix his LEM. We know that the Mann Brothers were born on September 2nd, 1822, that Blutarch recieved his LEM on July 17th, 1894, and then dug up Radigan and his notes sometime around 1900, in his late 70s.

Blutarch goes onto say that he’s “barely cheated death out of a half-century” which would put his first Death at around 1910, which makes sense, since Blutarch is nearly 150 years old by 1968.

But we know that Emily and Helen have been working to keep the War going, so why allow Blutarch to get the original notes at all?

We know that RED and BLU are subsidiaries of TF Industries, founded by Redmond and Blutarch.

At some point, the properties of the Mann Estate not given to Barnabus Hale or Redmond and Blutarch were turned into TF Industries. It seems incredibly likely that RED and BLU were initially founded off of Elizabeth's generosity and Emily continued that practice by keeping Redmond and Blutarch alive, with Helen continuing the work of her mother and grandmother to keep their perpetual stalemate going. This type of grand strategy isn’t uncommon historically, with the best example being the Carolingians, who slowly take control over Western Europe over four generations, and fictionally, the Lannisters and the Tyrells of A Song of Ice and Fire, who plot for their grandchildren to eventually become Kings in their own right.

The Administrator family has a vested interest in keeping the Mann Brothers alive, if only to be subservient to them. Blutarch obtaining the notes in secret has to be something that would tip the balance in his favor, and allow him to end the War.

I think the Administrator knew but didn’t care, and that’s where the story kicked off.

Like we’ve said, the Mann Brothers are idiots. Blutarch tells Dell outright that Radigan’s notes have been the bane of his existence for sixty years, and Dell seems to be the only one who can do anything with them.

Had Dell fixed Blutarch’s LEM without fixing Redmond’s, it’s likely that Redmond would have died before Blutarch, ending the war. The solution then was simple. Much like her mother did, Helen would hire Radigan’s grandson to fix Blutarch’s LEM, but to also fix Redmond’s.

What about the Australium, though?

From Loose Canon, we know that Dell looked over Radigan’s papers and found a list of Australium caches.

Dell seems really interested in the Australium, and even though he could try and get to the caches without alerting anyone, given the reach and the influence that Helen has, I doubt he could get far without her killing him. Instead, it makes much more sense to hire Dell to work for her in secret, allowing him access to the Australium in exchange for keeping her alive by upgrading the third LEM, built by Radigan for the Administrator family before his death.

In Blood Brothers, we see that Dell must have succeeded in his task, and upgraded the Brothers’ LEMs.

These Mark 2 LEMs are sleeker, portable machines, unlike the large bulky Mark 1 that Radigan built.

Now, in Blood in the Water, we learn that the Mark 5 only uses up about a quarter of the Australium that the Mark 4 did.

In The Naked and the Dead, Dell says that the small vial of Australium left on earth is enough to get Helen anywhere between five to six months of life.

Helen however, decides to use the Australium to reverse her aging, presumably to her 20s or 30s, cutting her down to only an hour of life.

So if we extrapolate on this, we can guess that each later iteration of the Life Extending Machines used less Australium than the model before it. If we take the Mark 4-5 transition as a benchmark, the Mark 5 would only need 1 pound of Australium to do what the Mark 1 needs 256 pound to do.

That is, in my professional opinion, a metric shitton of Australium being lost for no real benefit.

Helen says there’s only 89,000 tonnes of Australium in existence, and that she owns all of it by 1972.

Grey and the Australians have some in their bodies, but besides them, there’s no more Australium left on the planet, presumably because most of it was all used up to keep two idiots alive.

So if Australium is so necessary to stockpile, as well as incredibly limited, why the hell would you waste it keeping two idiots alive to babysit, when you could kill both of them and spend your time elsewhere?

The Brothers really don’t contribute anything to the intellectual fields of society, and the gravel fields they’ve been fighting over are useless. The only thing of value the Brothers did inherit, the coal mine, was sold to Barnabus Hale for five cents. The graveline that powers the world’s steam engines is coming from the Hales, not the Manns.

Speaking of Barnabus, he and Elizabeth aren’t shown to have any real interactions, but given how the only thing Mann Co. does is sell guns and mine coal, if Elizabeth and her descendants are the true antagonist, there’s no real benefit to killing Barnabus and the Hales.

The only things the Mann Brothers have managed to achieve are founding RED and BLU, and as I’ve assumed, Elizabeth helped them start their companies anyway. The Mann Brothers really don’t need to be kept alive, but there’s no real point to getting rid of them either.

What’s the Administrator’s Deal?

Helen clearly has the same reason most humans would in wanting to live forever, but there’s also a second component. She tells Dell that extending her life isn’t just for her, referring to the “old debt” she’s been settling.

When Dell tells her that her life is at an end, Helen says

I’ve tried to keep this going as long as I could. I…

I even thought I was done once.

I still crave it…as much as I did when I was a little girl.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting it. It’s become…everything.

But you’re right. It’s over. And if I’m going to call an end to all of it…well…

Well.

Why not look my best?

This is incredibly cryptic. The obvious guess is that she’s referring to immortality, but I think it means something more than that.

Zepheniah Mann, a man of a prominent English family, was married to the daughter of William Darling, esquire, another man of a prominent English family.

We don’t really know anything about Bette Darling, but given that a man who fights with cougars for fun like Barnabuscries over her death, she must have been quite the charming lady.

On the other hand, Zepheniah seems like kind of a dick to his wife, ignoring his wife’s death in favor of hearing about his children. It doesn’t sound like a very warm marriage, and Bette would probably get tired of Zeph fairly often.

In England, a lady-in-waiting, or maidservant, was typically a noblewoman or a relative who would be part of a royal consort or noblewoman’s court.

Bette Darling, being from a prominent family and married to Zepheniah Mann, would most likely have her own lady-in-waiting to provide her with some much needed companionship. Given how Zepheniah seems to not care about Bette, who better to serve as a companion than her sister, Elizabeth?

Elizabeth as Bette’s sister makes a lot of sense. We know that Zepheniah ends up partitioning his assets off to her, and it sounds like Elizabeth ends up getting the biggest inheritance out of the recipients. Redmond and Blutarch are idiots, sure, but at the very least Zeph could have left his inheritance to Barnabus if he was that worried about things. After all, Barnabus did manage to run Mann Co. fairly successfully after buying the Brothers’ coal mine. Giving the bulk of his Legacy to a random maidservant makes a lot more sense if that maidservant is actually his dead wife’s sister.

So after Bette’s death, Elizabeth stays on in Zeph’s service, probably as a favor to her sister and her nephews. Then Zeph dies, and Elizabeth is left with a fairly substantial fortune, as well as a cache of Australium that her brother-in-law entrusted to her to keep away from his son.

Elizabeth could have walked away from the Mann Family Drama at any point, but out of loyalty to her sister, she ends up overseeing the conflict between Redmond and Blutarch in order to keep her idiot nephews alive.

And then Elizabeth dies.

So wait, what’s all this shit about genealogy?

Helen’s statement that she’s been stockpiling Australium for 150 years as of the late 1960s suggests that Helen has been alive since around the 1820s, coincidentally close to when the Mann Triplets were born, but the timeline here doesn’t really make sense.

Elizabeth looks to be in her 40s to 60s around 1850, and we know that smoking and age contribute heavily to infertility. Emily looks to be roughly the same age range in 1890, and Helen (who cheated) looks to be roughly the same age in 1970.

Here’s where I’m going to take a guess and say that Elizabeth is 100% dead, and that the old woman we see in the Naked and the Dead is actually her granddaughter Helen.

But in true fashion, I’m gonna go on a tangent to do it.

When Cheavy gets Grey’s LEM ripped out of him at the end of The Naked and the Dead, he looks old. Like, unreasonably old.

According to the Catch-Up comic, the TFC mercs were hired in 1930, and they look to be around their 20s to 40s by this time.

So if we guess on that, and say that Cheavy was born in 1890, he looks great for being 82 in 1972, which is to be expected for a man of his physique. Arnold Schwarzenegger was born in 1947, and he also looks great for being 69 years old.

So why does Cheavy go from looking like the picture of health to Ebenezer Scrooge not five minutes later? Australium withdrawal.

Australium is pretty special. Regular exposure to the stuff can extend your life and increase your vitality, and enough of it can reverse your aging entirely.

We know from Blood in the Water that Australium withdrawal is an actual thing, and that Australians who aren’t exposed to it become pretty normal. The reason the Australian soldiers don’t look like they belong in the grave is because they actually are in the peak of their lives, and aren’t keeping anything at bay by being exposed to Australium.

Cheavy, on the other hand, is basically coming back from the dead to fight Heavy. The Australium is the only thing keeping him alive after Heavy did quite a number on him.

Helen is the second person we’ve seen using Australium to sustain her youth and vitality, and the Australium is definitely taking a toll on her. When it isn’t being used to keep her looking young, she looks every bit the old crone she should be.

So coming out of that tangent with all this information, there’s just no way Elizabeth and Helen can be the same person, and that Elizabeth is 100% dead.

Elizabeth looks to be in her 50s by 1850, and would be at least 94 by the time the third LEM is built. Factoring in all of the smoking, Elizabeth’s body would probably about as healthy as a 150 year old’s by 1895. Even if Radigan could build the LEM in time to deliver to Elizabeth, Australium isn’t meant to prolong life. Helen, a woman who looks to be either 100 years old, or on the wrong side of 80, is able to punch a solid glass window and then shrug it off.

Speaking of the timeframe, Dell keeps making improvements to the LEMs, making 4 different models in total between 1968 and 1972, each more efficient than the last. When we get to the Mark 4, Dell replaces it with a more efficient model, ostensibly because the supply of Australium is slowly running out.

But I don’t think that’s the only reason. After all, there isn't that much improvement between the two, so why bother?

I think that the more you try and prolong your life, the harder it gets to rejuvenate your body, and the more Australium you need to do so. Australium exposure clearly screws with your biology in a massive way, and a 94 year old Elizabeth would be lucky to even survive the surgery necessary to install a LEM, let alone use it for 150 years.

So if Elizabeth is definitely dead before Radigan even builds the LEMs, we need to figure out the time-frame for the three generations of Administrators.

Guesstimating, we can assume that Elizabeth was born around the same time as Zepheniah Mann, probably around 1800. Even if Elizabeth became pregnant with Emily as late as 1850, that would make Emily around 40 years old in 1890, and anywhere from 45-50 when the third LEM is commissioned.

If Elizabeth is definitely dead sometime before or around 1880, that would give Emily the decade she needs to “acquire” her Australium without having to dip into her inheritance.

The third LEM then, is built for Emily.

So if Elizabeth is born around 1800, and Emily is born around 1850, the next logical leap is that Helen is then born around 1900. That’d make sense, as Helen would be in her 60s-70s as of 1972, but she definitely doesn’t look that way.

The answer lies in Australium withdrawal. If we assume that Emily and Helen are different people, and that Elizabeth lived until her 80s, Emily most likely voluntarily died around 1940 after a half-century of watching over the Mann Brothers and not wanting to deal with their shit anymore after a century of life. We’ll give her an extra decade for good luck, giving Helen possession of the LEM and her inheritance around 1950.

Even if Helen didn’t start using the LEM until 1968, that’s still 4 years for her to be constantly exposed to Australium, and if she uses it to reverse her aging just a small amount, she’d probably end up feeling the effects of 6-8 years of exposure.

Going back to the timeline, Elizabeth is dead by 1880, and Emily steps in to fill her mothers shoes, when Blutarch decides he wants to live forever.

Emily then contracts Radigan Conagher to build three Life Extender Machines for her and the Brothers. Radigan dies, and Blutarch takes possession of Radigan’s notes, but can’t do anything with them.

Emily lives through the Second World War, and then decides to pass the torch to her daughter, Helen.

Helen takes over TF Industries, and hires Dell Conagher in 1965. To keep the stalemate going, she hires 8 other Mercs plus Dell and assigns them to fight in the Brothers endless war, probably against other merc teams.

Then Grey Mann resurfaces after nearly 125 years, claiming Mann Co. and killing his brothers for being idiots.

At this point, Helen’s failed her grandmother and grandaunt. Bette Darling’s sons are dead, ironically killed by their own brother. The only duty Helen has left is to continue her grandmother’s job of protecting Zepheniah’s Australium from Grey, and she does a damn good job of it.

Enter the Darlings.

In Unhappy Returns, Saxton’s clearly at a low point, willing to deal with his old rival in order to get his company back, and Charles only wants one thing in return, Australium.

But how does Charles FUCKING Darling know about Australium?

Charles and Helen apparently have history, since Darling clearly knows more about what the Administrator actuallydoes than seemingly anyone else connected to the Mann Brothers and the Gravel Wars.

We know from Bidwell’s Big Plan that Charles Darling and Helen not only have history, but that the two don’t like each other.

If Bette Darling was really friendly, and the Administrators are at the very least, capable of expressing emotions, Charles Darling is at the opposite end of the spectrum.

Charles Darling, by all accounts, is fairly sadistic. We see in Unhappy Returns that Darling plans to gather every animal on Earth and put them in a zoo. Oh yeah, and he makes nearly extinct animals stand on boxes in a wall all day. For fun.

The man is also arrogant, too. The next time we see him after his introduction, he’s standing in his rather large manor, reading a book he published with his face prominently displayed on the back, standing underneath an incredibly large portrait of himself, which he helpfully labelled with a golden plaque bearing his name. Did I mention this is his own house?

Charles explains that he wants Australium to keep his animals alive forever, and Saxton seems rather fine with this. After all, he’s got 200,000 pounds of the stuff back at Mann Co., what’s a few thousand pounds here or there? Darling tells Saxton that all of the Australium is gone, and that the Administrator was the one who took it, questioning what the purpose of doing so is.

Except, there’s no reason Charles should know what the Administrator’s been up to, let alone the existence of Australium at all.

Darling isn’t Australian, he isn’t part of the Mann Family, and he’s wealthy enough in his own right that he presumably doesn't need Australium, so what’s the point of gathering it?

Grey Mann tells us that whatever Miss Pauling thinks he was going to do once he had beaten the Administrator, she’s right. He then goes on to say that what the Administrator’s planning on doing is worse. That still leaves Darling, though. If Helen can hire Miss Pauling and Dell Conagher to work for her and have them apparently be fine with what Helen’s doing, can it really be that bad?

Back to the point, in Pyromania we get a hint of who Helen is, and what she’s capable of.

Not only is Helen clearly capable of blatantly stealing the entire United States Australium supply, she goes before the United States Senate and basically ignores them, until we get to the really juicy bit, after which she simply excuses herself.

Speaking of the juicy bit, we don’t learn much from it. Piecing all of the lore together, we learn the opening sentence, and that’s about it.

Very well. For one hundred-fifty years I have been stockpiling Australium to… Helen reveals that she’s trying to prevent something, in order to do something, and her plan involves eighteen perfect idiots.

We know that she’s carrying out her plan in order to fulfill her old debt, and that at the very least her plan involves the nine mercs, but that’s the best guess we can make. Given how in the comics, there are only nine Fortress mercenaries, we still need nine more perfect idiots.

In this scenario, there’s still no indication of what the plan is, but Charles Darling seems like he’s being set up as the main antagonist to our favorite chain-smoking protagonist, by virtue of being the only contender left.

Redmond, Blutarch, and Grey are all dead, meaning that Helen has no obligation to keep the Brothers alive, or defend the Australium from Grey, and the only thing Saxton seems to care about is being able to fight things, leaving only Charles Darling. Oh, and Olivia.

Olivia, in her first appearance, looks remarkably similar to Helen as a child. Olivia is presented to us as Grey’s daughter, but I don’t think that’s true, given how Grey is nearly a hundred and fifty years old by then. What makes a lot more sense is that Olivia is Charles’ daughter.

Grey and Charles could easily set up an alliance of convenience, at least until their mutual enemy Helen is out of the way. Charles could allow Grey to use his daughter to win control of Mann Co., and Grey could allow Charles to take control of some Australium.

Of course, this would break down when the two would have to split the world between themselves, but given that Grey is dead, the point is moot. Grey’s death also leaves Olivia and Charles in a really great position. Olivia, as the supposed daughter of Grey Mann, would inherit Mann Co. with Grey’s death. If Charles really is Olivia’s father, the main Darling branch is well on their way to inheriting all of the Mann Legacy.

Helen, as the granddaughter of Elizabeth Darling, who is the sister of Bette Darling, is a relative of Bette.

By 1971, Helen controls both the original third of Zepheniah’s Legacy that was partitioned to Elizabeth, as well the third shared between Redmond and Blutarch under TF Industries, since Grey seemingly has no interest in the worthless gravel pits, leaving only the Hale’s third independent under Saxton.

If Elizabeth really is Bette’s sister, and Helen is Elizabeth’s granddaughter, this means that two-thirds of the Mann Family Legacy is under the control of the Administrator’s branch of the Darling Family.

If Helen is a Darling, she’s the only one standing in the way of Charles inheriting the entire Mann Estate, and apparently control of the entire planet’s governments under RED and BLU, respectively. To keep the Mann Family Legacy (and the world) out of the hands of the Darlings, I believe that Helen is going off to confront Charles Darling, and presumably kill him and Olivia.

With Charles and Olivia dead, the Mann Legacy would be entirely reunited under Helen, at least until she gives Saxton his company back. Mann Co. can continue on as just a regular company, and Helen’s death will finally bring an end to the Gravel Wars.

TL;DR / RECAP;

Zepheniah Mann married Bette Darling, died, and gave his Estate and Australium to his wife’s sister, Elizabeth Darling.

Elizabeth, her daughter Emily, and her granddaughter Helen have spent the last century repaying Bette and Zepheniah by financially supporting Redmond and Blutarch, keeping them alive, and keeping Zepheniah’s Australium out of the hands of Grey Mann.

Grey killed Redmond and Blutarch, and allied with Charles Darling and his daughter Olivia to take control of Mann Co.

Originally, Helen planned to simply outlive Charles, outwit Grey, and keep the Brothers alive indefinitely, but Blutarch hiring Dell to fix his life-extending machine caused her to include Dell in her plans. The arrival of Grey and murder of Redmond and Blutarch, disrupted these plans, and forced Helen to have to devote all of her resources to keeping the Australium out of Grey’s hands.

With Grey and the Darlings working together to bring her down, Helen is overwhelmed, and has to flee to a remote location, bringing Engineer along to keep her alive until she can defeat Grey and the Darlings.

Grey ends up ironically being killed by his own employees, so control of Mann Co. passes to his “daughter” Olivia, giving the Darlings control over one-third of the Mann Legacy.

Helen, having failed to keep the Mann Brothers alive, succeeds through a pyrrhic victory in keeping Zepheniah’s Australium out of Grey’s hands.

On her deathbed due to the worldwide exhaustion of Australium, only Helen stands in the way of Charles Darling inheriting the entire three parts of the Mann Legacy, as well as control over the entire world with the resources of TF Industries.

In order to finally bring the conflict started in 1850 to a close, Helen has to use her considerable resources to kill Charles and Olivia before she herself dies at the end of Issue #7.

*************

[cassoliravioli]

Hi guys did yall know i'm a big sonic fan for almost 5 years but i never could draw the sonic chatacters only my sonic ocs

Today i decided do change that and learn how to draw these silly guys🧑‍💼

[cassoliravioli]

Ong i have a sonic oc ☠️ her name is lukie and she has a counterpart named metal lukie

Yes i am very original💗