#me n noelle have many opinions on where everyone would go

[stressedanime]

hurt my feelings earlier thinking about how jason would've absolutely been nico's best man.

whoever ends up being nico's best man (in my head it would be frank), would hold up a picture of jason, because if he was alive he wouldn’t miss it for the world. so it’s on them to make sure he’s there.

[anntoldst0ries]

shinrin-yoku (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count/Rating: ~1.7k, PG Summary: When life's difficulties hit, Noelle navigates her way through them by turning to the nature. Category: Hurt & Comfort Warnings: mentions of trauma

A/N: May is a Mental Health Awareness month and here in the UK the theme is nature. My MC, just like me, runs to the woods when things get tough. It helps her clear her head and reconnect with inner strength.

I struggle with mental health myself and it’s important for me to speak up and address the subject. There is nothing worse than shaming or discrediting someone’s difficult feelings. It’s fine not to be fine.

If you struggle alone, please don’t. My inbox will welcome you with open arms. Two heads are better than one, even if we just complain, at least we can complain together 💜

For @choicesmaychallenge2021 Day 13 - Mental Health

SHINRIN-YOKU - A Japanese term for ‘forest bathing’ or the sense of well-being you experience while in nature.

~~

It all starts with a seed. This tiny element which, without aid, is sentenced to certain death. But give it the right soil. Give it water, sun. And it can grow. Into something big. Powerful. Scary.

~~

She is five years old.

They live in a townhouse, a classy Victorian era building. Undistinguished, one of many merging into the background of a typical London street. The colors are also very standard,  dirty white married to ivory beige, bar for the deep green door - their rebel child.

For the random passerby, it’s nothing special. But for her, the walls of a storey house encapsulate the whole world.

The garden behind the house is neat and clean, visibly well taken care of. She doesn’t remember exact details anymore, but she remembers begging her parents to go camping in the garden with her brother. The ticklish feeling of long and slim blades of grass on her tiny feet. Looking at the stars with pure awe and delight, that only the unspoiled mind of a child is capable of.

The plot of land that the house has been built on borders a beautiful forest. A wooden fence separates the two.

To her, it’s a passage to a magical world.

A world without any particular order, living its own life, unconstricted by rules. Not in the slightest does it resemble the garden on her side of the fence, where things grow according to the rules laid out by the adults.

There is a feeling inside her that she’s too young to name, to throw it in lingual context. It’s not until years later that she realized what it had been. Freedom. To grow however you please. To be what you want to be.

Robust, effuse trees tower over her, making her feel so small. As if she hasn’t already been feeling small enough, living in a world full of giants.

But they mean something else too. They bring a secret and a promise. Promise of a bigger world out there, far from the confines of the place she calls home.

The forest draws her, singing a melody that only her heart can understand. One day, she will be a part of it.

~~

She lives the teenage dream life.

That’s what everyone says.

She doesn’t have any real problems. She’s lucky not having to worry about money. She’s got friends. Her family is great. She just needs to stop whining. Her life is perfect.

Their words, not hers.

None of them know what happens behind closed doors.

The childhood forest is a cloudy memory. Her home is now thousands of miles away, in a city with a giant red bridge, which for some bizarre reason has ‘golden’ in its name.

But the call from nature doesn’t care about distance. It can find you about anywhere. It’s different and yet the same.

Because nature beats in one rhythm and speaks in the same language, everywhere.

The morning is chilly and humid. She’s wearing a wooly coat, carelessly threw on a pair of PJs hiding underneath.

Her steps are brisk, breathing short and heartbeat elevated. Something’s bothering her blanched face.

The voice, again.

When it first appeared, she thought it had her best interest at heart. Used to give her advice and like a good friend, ream her out when she did something bad.

Over time, things took a turn for the worse.

Snarky comments. Casually mentioned wrongdoings. Feedback on what she could have done better, differently.

Noelle hoped the voice would go away on its own.

It hasn’t.

Not only did the voice not go away, but it was actually growing stronger with each passing day. Became more vocal. Judgmental. Openly hostile.

It fed on her fears.

It’s your fault - it told her - that your parents are getting divorced.

You are not good enough.

Even a lie, repeated enough times, will finally become the truth. And so it did for her, to the point where she couldn’t distinguish her own voice from the voice of the tormentor. Sounds faded into one.

Whoever said words can cut like a knife was right. But those who knew thoughts could leave scars that are much deeper, were truly wise.

The young, beautiful girl who never hurt a soul, became a hostage. A prisoner locked in the jail of her own head.

A giant tear rolled down her face. Made of all the words her heart couldn’t say.

She hugged the tree tightly and inhaled the woodsy aroma, the scent filling her lungs fully.

It’s sensuous.

Just like that, she is small again.

~

She’s got all that she ever wanted.

Degree from one of the best medical schools. Graduating with honors and glowing recommendations from even the strictest professors, who kept assuring her that her future in medicine is so bright it’s actually blinding. Then, a dreamy residency in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country.

Pretty impressive, right? Even a fool could see that. But the only fool whose opinion she cared about, couldn’t. All these things were clearly not good enough for Ethan Ramsey to stay.

She wasn’t good enough for him to stay.

Not longer than a year ago he was just a concept, an ideal without a face, body and voice. To her, he was a celebrity, a hero, someone whom mortals don’t have access to.

It was preposterous to consider for even a second Dr Ramsey could actually see something in an intern.

Standing among the moss-covered trees, every fiber of her being was filled with the thought of him.

Did the Amazonian forest remind him of her, just like every forest around reminded her of him?

Just when she won the battle for her career, she lost another. Because life had to be a zero-sum game.

As painful as that would have been, she wished she had something to hold onto. A scene she could replay in her mind. An image of him walking away. Or saying goodbye.

But he left without a word.

That was the pattern. That was history repeating itself.

She took her shoes off and stepped on the soil frosted with morning dew. It’s cold and wet. It’s refreshing. She is grounding. Reconnecting with Earth.

Tunes in with the rivers of grass, towers of trees, fences of bushes.

If the trees could speak, they’d tell stories not many people would believe in.

Tales of heartbreaks. Parables of spirits.

They are all nature’s poems.

Hauntingly beautiful. Riveting. Written without a single word.

Because nature speaks its very own language that only the soul, not the mind, can understand.

Pain is ripping her apart. But it reminds her that she’s alive. And this, in itself, is a miracle.

~~

She doesn’t know who she is anymore.

Some people call her a survivor. But it doesn’t feel like the right word. So many things in her died. So much was lost.

The attack took a lot from her. Danny. Bobby. Sense of security. Identity. Direction.

Right and wrong, good and bad, righteous and vicious. These are all just words. Someone needs to come and teach her the meaning of them anew. Draw lines, mark out frontiers. Save her from herself.

The ground is soaked. Torrential rain turned the soil into soft mud, warm and easily slipping through her fingers. She falls on her knees, praying for the ground to consume her.

Fill every part of her. Silence the internal cacophony. To sink into oblivion.

Not many people knew about the panic attacks and recurring nightmares. They’re always the same.

She’s standing in the middle of a swamp. Danny and Bobby are drowning, their arms reaching out for her. She knows she can only save one of them. She runs out of time trying to figure out how to save both. As a result, they both die. Time stands still and yet everything is spinning, moving, racing. The reality is a riot of overbright colours.

Suddenly, a ring breaks the silence. A polyphonic intruder. She looks at the screen through hooded eyes and notices the caller’s name. It’s him. He’s petrified. Worried to death. Asks her to stay where she is.

Some time later, maybe 10 minutes, maybe an hour - who knows? - he emerges from the gathering of stocky oaks.

The moment he catches the sight of her, he starts running. She notices a lab coat underneath the jacket. He’s soaking wet.

Even though he is so close, he doesn’t slow down. Crashing into her, he scoops her in his arms. Catches her in the tightest of embraces.

Asks her if she’s fine. No. Not that question again. She’s tired of people fussing over her and gets angry.

Had it not been for the attack, would he even be here? The voice asks mockingly. It doesn’t matter to her. He’s there now.

Deep baritone is gentle and full of concern. It’s not like that. It’s not his intention to fuss. He’s simply worried. Because she is the most important thing to him in the whole world. Yes, he wasted so much time. That’s why he refuses to lose even one more second.

A dam breaks within her. Eliciting a quiet sob. She clutches his shirt, holds onto him for dear life. Moments later, she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. Singing her poignant birdsong.

How is she supposed to cope? Will things ever go back to normal? What is normal anyway?

In the confines of the infamous patient room she never felt more scared in her life. But here, out in the open, she feels so safe. As if she’s had a silent agreement with nature, which vouched to protect her at all costs.

And this time, nature had an ally. Because Ethan will protect her, even if it’s the last thing he does. Holding onto each other, they stand in the nothingness.

It keeps them grounded. Connected to their roots. Turning over new leaves. Bending before they break. Growing.

They get lost. Mother Nature has a reward for those who do. They have a chance to find themselves. Over and over again.

~~~

If you made it this far - thank you & you're awesome 🥰

Tag list: @genevievemd @gryffindordaughterofathena @terrm9@starrystarrytrouble @the-pale-goddess @jamespotterthefirst @lisha1valecha @writer-ish @maurine07 @drakewalkerfantasy@iemcpbchoices @liaromancewriter @lem-20 @lucy-268 @oldminniemcg @queencarb @qrkowna @mercury84choices @lsvdw-blog @utterlyinevitable @stygianflood @udishaman @romewritingshop @romereadingshop @alina-yol-ramsey @stateofgracious @xxsugarplumfluffsxx @binny1985 @tsrookie @fayeswiftie @archxxronrookie @tinkertailorsoldierspy @schnitzelbutterfingers @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @theinvisibledreamergirl @custaroonie @irisofpurple @chasingrobbie @ethandaddyramseyx @quixoticdreamer16 @coffeeheartaddict @takemyopenheart @aworldoffandoms @potionsprefect @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[anistarrose]

Summary: Taako unlocks a backstory reveal, Kravitz notices an astronomical discrepancy, and Noelle completes an errand. It’s an evening of relaxation and bonding for some, and a night of furtive preparation for others, but one thing is constant — everyone is missing a few pieces of the story.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Hey, guess what fic isn’t dead! Before we get into the action, I just want to state for the record that I, Rose, think mullets are generally a valid hairstyle (including on Barry Bluejeans). The opinions on mullets that a certain character expresses in this chapter are in no way representative of my views as the author. Anyways, enjoy the Taakitz before the storm!

(A “previously on,” since it’s been so long since the last chapter: THB all know Barry is the Red Robe, Barry knows THB are in trouble for death crimes, and he’s shared all his relevant backstory details with Noelle, who has agreed to help him save the boys from Kravitz with the endgame goal of stopping the Hunger. Kravitz has arranged a sort-of date with Taako, which he’s obviously excited for, but he doesn’t know a lich and a robot are out to get him. Meanwhile, Garyl doesn’t know why Taako stopped hanging out with liches about twelve years ago, and is really missing the spectral oats said liches always gave him. I think that’s everything everyone knows and doesn’t know!)

***

The Raven Queen had always reminded Kravitz of his mortal mother, not just because of the physical resemblance — which was indeed present, albeit slightly diminished by the beaked mask that concealed the Queen’s nose and eyes — but because of her temperament, kind but stern. She was a fair judge, and even a surprisingly forgiving one at times, but she held no reservations against telling people they could do better, if she believed it to be true.

So when the Queen approached Kravitz during his walk along the coast of the Astral Sea, in her usual form of a dark-skinned woman wearing a magnificent feathered cloak, Kravitz breathed a sigh of relief when he saw she was smiling at him. Her ethereal voice was both diminutive and thunderous at once, but thankfully free of disappointment or malice.

My child.

She unfurled not just one pair of midnight-black wings, but a hundred pairs, and suddenly she embodied an entire flock of ravens, circling Kravitz with impossible synchronicity and silence.

Come fly with me.

Kravitz leapt into the air, changing shape and sprouting wings of his own. In the form of a rook with dark blue-gray feathers and the pattern of an avian skull atop his head in light gray, he took off across the sea, and the Queen followed, casting a hundred identical shadows atop the waves.

This airborne sightseeing tour across the afterlife was not a new ritual for them — they’d done this countless times since the Raven Queen had first taught Kravitz to fly, lifetimes ago — but Kravitz had noticed, over the past century or two, that the Queen almost exclusively reserved these flights for days when Kravitz felt stressed.

They soared through a cloud of souls, which danced and shimmered like snowflakes in a gentle breeze, and as they exited it, he finally spoke. “It’s a pleasure to see you as always, my Queen, but… er, what is it that brings you here today?”

My dear Kravitz, you’re even a bundle of nerves when you’re a bird. You’re not letting those elusive lich bounties get to you, are you?

“I… I suppose I have been letting it get to me. In a way.”

Kravitz, you are competent and you are worthy. You needn’t fear me reprimanding you — I have no doubt that you will capture them eventually. After all, you have a promising new strategy, don’t you?

“My Queen, I…” Kravitz trailed off. The scenery of the Astral Plane changed with every flight, but today he’d stopped taking it in, preoccupied with wracking his brain for the right words. “I appreciate that — but it’s really that ‘new strategy’ you mention that I’ve been worrying about, not the liches themselves. I’ve been talking to Taako, and to a lesser extent Magnus and Merle, and —”

The flock’s flight slowed, and two hundred glassy raven eyes all fixated on Kravitz as he transformed back into a human, hovering in midair and clasping his hands together as he spoke.

“I didn’t believe them at first, but they really don’t remember their crimes against death, I’m sure of it. They’re not dangerous people — dangerous to themselves when they rush into danger, maybe, but not dangerous to the world. They stopped Legion, and their friend Angus has been telling me about all the people they’ve saved from the Grand Relics, and I — I would not feel justified reaping their souls, even if they fail to capture Bluejeans and Lup. There’s just so much we don’t know about how they’ve violated the laws of life and death — it may not have even been intentional on their part. My Queen, I sincerely believe we should grant them the same benefit of the doubt we grant to people roped into necromantic cults against their will — I can vouch for their character, and I know many other souls, both living and dead, who will do the same.”

Kravitz…

The flock was completely frozen in place now, and though he didn’t need to, Kravitz held his breath — a nervous habit from his life that he still hadn’t broken after centuries.

Is this why you’ve been stressed? Because you were anticipating this conversation?

“Partly, my Queen.”

I trust your judgement, Kravitz. I cannot pardon these three bounties altogether, knowing so little about their offenses — but if you deem it fitting, then I will grant them an indefinite respite as we investigate further. In the meantime, what do you propose for the escaped soul Noelle Redcheek and the necromancer Lucas Miller?

“So far, neither of them have done ill with their borrowed time. Noelle never asked to return to the world of the living, and she fought heroically against Legion, while Lucas… well, I spoke to his mother, and she seemed confident that he’d learned his lesson. I think we should allow them to stay in the world of the living until they die, provided they commit no more necromantic offenses.”

Then that shall be our policy moving forwards. Do keep an eye on Lucas, if nothing else, but I reviewed Noelle’s file personally this morning, and she sounds like a pleasant young spirit.

Still hovering in the air, Kravitz executed a bow as he let out his breath. “I appreciate the trust, my Queen.”

I will consult with Istus, to see if she can discern the pasts or destinies of the three… unique bounties. Until then, they are to be presumed innocent.

Kravitz smiled, because it was no secret that the Raven Queen relished every excuse to consult with the Lady of Fate. “I’m sure Lady Istus will be happy to hear from you.”

She will, and I don’t need to be the goddess of fate to know that. The ravens swarmed together, consolidating back into a seven-foot tall woman with dark brown skin, black roses adorning her hair, and sapphire-blue eyes glowing from behind the slits in her mask. She draped a cloaked arm over Kravitz’s shoulder as she continued:

Now, my child, you said something else was bothering you besides the status of your bounties?

“Well, it’s… I just…” Kravitz shook his head. “Let me put it this way: do you ever get nervous before talking to Istus, even though you always like spending time with her and know she feels the same? I guess you probably don’t, because you’re a goddess —”

Oh, I do.

“Oh.”

Do you have a commitment tonight? Let me guess — with Taako?

Kravitz smiled sheepishly. “We… er, I’m not even sure which one of us talked the other into it, but we might have arranged to go to a wine and pottery place on the moon together —”

Of course, the Chug ‘N Squeeze. There’s one in the Celestial Plane as well.

“You’re joking!”

Istus and I have been going there often lately. She loves all arts and crafts, after all.

Kravitz sighed. “Well, I had been wondering where all the clay ravens in my office were coming from.”

Do you like them, my child?

“Oh, they’re wonderful. The real office corvids like to perch on them, I guess to assert their dominance?”

The so-often stoic Queen laughed in a voice that could’ve belonged to a human, despite the cacophony of caws that swept across the Astral Plane in place of an echo. Kravitz, I’m sure your date will be divine. You have my blessing.

“It is helpful, not having to worry about arresting Taako in less than two months,” Kravitz admitted. “Thank you, my Queen.”

One last thing, my child — I’d like you to prioritize hunting down those problem liches, unless anything else comes up. I can’t shake the suspicion that they’re connected to your former bounties’ cases — or should I say for Taako, your potential future boyfriend’s case?

Kravitz spent a few seconds of increasingly awkward silence thinking about that second sentence, but ultimately decided that he didn’t want to challenge it. “Taako and his friends are doing important work of their own at the Bureau of Balance, and I don’t want to drag them away from that any more than I already have — but I’ll ask them to keep me updated if they find any new leads, and I’m quite sure they will. Bluejeans seems drawn to them, and to the Grand Relics, like a moth to a flame.”

So I suspected, the Raven Queen replied. It seems Istus and I have much to discuss.

***

With a dramatic flourish of his scythe, Kravitz stepped out of the rift and into Taako’s kitchen. Taako was leaning against the counter waiting for him, chin in his hands and a smug, catlike grin on his face.

“Sooo, notice anything different about me?”

“Not sure. New hat?” Kravitz replied, feigning confusion. “Just kidding! The new haircut looks great.”

“Finally, someone realizes! Lumberjack Ruffboi and the lunar youth pastor didn’t say a thing about it.” Running his fingers through the considerably shorter hair in question, Taako snorted — apparently in response to the nicknames of his own invention — and Kravitz chuckled along with him.

“Don’t get me wrong, you wear the shorter hair well, but why cut it now?” he asked Taako. “It wasn’t that long —”

“Not that long? It was turning into a mullet, Krav, and that’s fuckin’ unacceptable. Can you imagine us walking into a five-star, metropolitan establishment like the Chug ‘N Squeeze together, you absolutely killing it — pun totally intended — in your feathered cloak and designer suit, only for me to saunter in behind you, sporting an honest-to-Raven Queen mullet? Who do you take me for, Barold J. fucking Bluejeans?”

“Of course!” Kravitz sarcastically conceded, laughing. “Clearly, I was running the risk of mistaking you —” He gestured to Taako, brown-skinned and freckled with distinctly pointed ears, “for my old undead archnemesis Barry —”

He stopped talking as Taako dove to catch his Umbra Staff, which had rolled off the kitchen table seemingly all on its own.

“Hey, what gives?” Taako demanded of the umbrella. “I thought we were cool again after the other night — you got something against me trash-talking mullets, or what?”

The Umbra Staff didn’t reply, and Kravitz rubbed his neck. “Er… you talk to your umbrella often?”

Taako shrugged. “Yeah, and I talk to my wizard hat and my favorite fantasy electric mixer too, sometimes. S’no biggie.”

“Sometimes people in the Material Plane give me strange looks for talking to corvids, so I guess I can’t judge,” Kravitz admitted. “But speaking of talking to birds, I have good news!”

Taako slung his Umbra Staff over his shoulder. “Oh, bird news? That’s my favorite kinda news!”

“I spoke to the Raven Queen this morning, and… well, you’re not entirely out of trouble, but you don’t have to worry about that two month time limit anymore! The Queen decided that since no one knows exactly what your crimes were, we can’t judge you for them fairly, so you and the boys are safe at least until someone cracks that mystery — potentially safe forever, if the truth comes out and the Queen finds it sympathetic. Noelle and Lucas have also been granted amnesty, so don’t worry about them either.”

“Huh.” Taako rubbed his head, blinking slowly a few times. “So… we’re calling it quits on the lich hunts ‘til further notice?”

“More or less, but I’ve got a hunch you’ll run into Barry again whether you’re looking for him or not,” Kravitz answered. “So if or when that happens, I’d love a tip off.”

“Gotcha.” Taako nodded slowly. “Well, at least this’ll be good for Angus. Little half-pint can finally chill out instead of worrying about me all day.”

“Absolutely. See, when I went to beseech the Raven Queen, a big part of my argument was that reaping these doofuses’ souls would make an over-stressed ten-year old very sad,” Kravitz joked, deadpan. “So she really had no choice but to give you a respite — wait. What do you mean, at least?”

“Oh, you know.” Taako shrugged, averting his eyes. “It’s just the end of a short-lived bounty hunting era for ‘cha boy. It was dangerous work, but hey, my whole job is dangerous, right? Solving a lich mystery was a nice break from the routine —”

Then he sighed. “Oh, what happened to me? What happened to Taako’s good out here? I’m not into peril! I shouldn’t be missing it no matter how much…” He met Kravitz’s gaze again, smiling sheepishly this time. “No matter how much I’m gonna miss you, when you’re busy hunting ghosts and I’m busy hunting Grand Relics again.”

“Ah.” Kravitz felt his face grow warm — which should be a rare for a reaper without blood or a heartbeat, but seemed to be happening an awful lot around Taako lately. “Well, if it’s any consolation, the Raven Queen’s pretty generous with vacation days — after all, how do you think I made time for our date tonight?”

Taako’s eyes lit up. “Oh, we’re officially calling it a date? I mean, I knew the subtext was there, but why didn’t you tell me earlier?!”

Kravitz clapped a hand to his mouth, several seconds too late. “That was — oh, gods. That honestly wasn’t — that truly wasn’t intentional, but if you want it to be a date? I would love to call it one.”

“Okay, okay, I got a related idea for you —” Taako leaned in a little closer, and for the first time, Kravitz noticed the flecks of gold and burgundy in his dark brown eyes. “How about we just stop making idiots of ourselves and kiss already?”

Then Taako leaned back and facepalmed. “Damn, I shoulda said ‘stop making idiots of ourselves and make out already!’ That works so much better than —”

Kravitz kissed him on the cheek — just a quick peck, made brief not by a lack of interest in kissing Taako, but by Kravitz’s reluctance to tear his eyes away from Taako’s own for any longer than a few seconds. Taako kissed him back, running his hand down the back of Kravitz’s neck —

Then he withdrew with a jolt. “Aw, we’re about to be late to pottery, aren’t we? I even made reservations —”

“Not while you’re dating me, you’re not!” Kravitz exclaimed, drawing his scythe and slicing open a rift that led directly to the Chug ‘N Squeeze. He grabbed Taako by the hand, and the two of them laughed as they tumbled through the portal, scaring the wits out of the host but earning a cheer from Killian and Carey. Magnus — who was contentedly third-wheeling behind the couple, in his weirdly wholesome Magnus way — raised an eyebrow at first, but then gave a friendly wave and returned to the misshapen cup he was molding.

“Today,” the instructor coughed, clutching his chest, “we’ll be walking through how to make plates. Please, for the love of all the gods in the universe, do not make clay interplanar portals, because we’ve already had more than enough of that.”

“What fun!” Taako exclaimed he settled into his seat, then whispered under his breath to Kravitz: “I dunno what I’m making, but it’s not gonna be a plate. Real art is born when you start out with no plan, and go wherever the moment takes you.”

“Honestly? You do you, but I can’t really relate. Like, maybe it’s because music is the only type of art I normally pursue — but I’d rather have sheet music in front of me as a jumping off point, even if I’m planning to improvise, you know?”

“You were a bard? I shoulda known.” Taako tried to shape his clay into something that could pass for a plate or platter at a glance, yet remain legally distinct. The instructor gave him a suspicious look, but quickly moved on to reprimand Magnus for attempting to recreate his wineglass. “Love you for that, and you know you’ll have to show off your kickass music skills for me one day, but how does a bard wind up working for the death goddess?”

“Interesting story, that,” Kravitz admitted. “You want the long version, or the short version?”

“I dunno, maybe a brief novella?”

“Okay. Yeah, I can work with novella length.” Kravitz leaned back in his chair, removing a few clumps of clay from under his nails. “At the beginning of the end of my lifetime, give-or-take eight hundred and twenty years ago, my sibling and I were travelling a dangerous road, and we got in over our heads. We were passing through an abandoned cemetery, and… it’s hard to forget how we were just joking about how ominous it was…”

He got a distant look in his eyes. “But the second we started to laugh, a gang of bandits jumped out from behind the graves to ambush us. Now, I was a damn good bard and my sibling was a damn good artificer, but we were unprepared for combat — and, worse outnumbered five to two. We pruned their ranks to four, then three, when the first two ruffians tried to charge us, but the other three had both range and cover, and they rained arrows on us from both sides of the road. My sibling took a hit that left them in critical condition, so… I did the only thing a protective older brother could do, upon finding oneself and their injured loved one assailed in a cemetery. It was a split-second, desperate decision, but… I played a song to raise the dead.”

“You did a death crime,” was what Taako said out loud, but what he thought was I’d do the same thing. Which was strange, not just because he couldn’t play any instruments, but because he definitely didn’t have a sibling whose peril would prompt such an arcane outburst from him.

He would’ve liked to have someone like that, though. Someone to unconditionally watch his back on those tough journeys, someone who’d raise the dead for him, someone —

Someone to tell him to quit psychoanalyzing himself on date night, come on, Taako, you’re giving yourself a headache.

“As rash as it was, I’d do it all over again if I had to,” Kravitz confessed, apparently too focused on the story to notice what must’ve been visible confusion on Taako’s face. “Though maybe don’t tell the Raven Queen I said that, because it was… quite the crime.”

Absentmindedly, he picked up a few extra clumps of clay and began to roll them into a thin cylinder between his palms. “The graveyard the bandits had chosen was a good place to ambush travellers, but the perfect place to be ambushed by the undead. The zombies I raised were individually weak, but there must’ve been close to two dozen of them, and they surrounded the ruffians that had surrounded us. While they bought us time, I poured all the power I had left into healing my sibling from the brink of death — and it was all worth it, because they got away safe…”

“But you didn’t,” Taako murmured.

“No,” Kravitz confirmed. “But don’t look so glum. The ending of the story’s not all sad.”

He placed the clay cylinder on his plate-in-progress, flattening it slightly as he affixed it to the rest of his project, then set to work shaping another clump into something quite different. “When I died, I was almost immediately met by the Raven Queen’s reaper at the time. She was… not exactly thrilled that I’d summoned a minor undead army — an undead militia, she called it — but my zombies and the bandits had more or less mutually destroyed each other, while she saw I was a first-time offender who’d only acted in self-defense, and wasn’t putting up a fight as I was escorted away from the world of the living. She told me she would be keeping an eye on me for the first few years of my afterlife, just to make sure I hadn’t developed a taste for necromancy and decided to hatch an escape plan from the Astral Plane, and then escorted me to a a pleasant little island in the Astral Sea.”

Kravitz added the final piece of clay to his creation, and Taako realized he’d formed a raised scythe pattern at the plate’s center. “Hopefully this sticks when it goes into the kiln. Anyway, I spent about the next five years on that island, but the reaper brought me plenty of instruments to play and books to read upon my request, so it was hardly a punishment. I was surprised, though, the day she showed up and said that the Raven Queen had requested my presence.”

“Aha. Now here’s the start of your career, right?”

“Exactly. When she offered me an apprenticeship as the next reaper-in-training, I was initially… apprehensive, to say the least, but I eventually accepted the offer, and… well, you know perfectly where the story goes from here. I was a better fit for the job than I could’ve ever expected, and… there were some nice perks, too.” He smiled. “For one thing, I got to spend a few months with my sibling and parents after each of them passed away.”

“I’m glad that worked out for you,” Taako said, with a sincerity he rarely used in combination with those particular words. For the first time since Kravitz had started talking, he took a good look at his own clay, which looked like… a misshapen lump, or maybe an especially boring rock. He probably could’ve paid more attention to what he was doing, but at least he hadn’t gone and subconsciously made a plate.

“But you know,” he went on, stroking his chin, “I’m intrigued by this implication that by peacefully turning myself in for death crimes, I could get nominated for a reaper job…”

Kravitz laughed. “Oh, I wouldn’t recommend that loophole. Maybe if the Queen hadn’t approved your respite, I would suggest it as a last resort —”

“What’s wrong, afraid of me stealing your job?”

“No — I’ve been a reaper for eight centuries, but the one who trained me only retired about four hundred and fifty years ago. Two to four reapers serving concurrently isn’t uncommon. The problem is, the Queen usually chooses reapers who have some prior knowledge of necromancy — without having used it for evil or anything, of course — and unlike most of my bounties, Taako, you don’t seem to be a necromancer? I mean, I’m sure you could learn, because you’re clearly a skilled wizard, but I wouldn’t encourage it. You’re just starting to get out of trouble as is.”

“If you insist,” Taako said with an exaggerated sigh. “So the Raven Queen’s ideal recruits would be, what, a couple of lich superheroes who swore to only use their dark powers for good?”

“In an ideal world, yes — but certainly not in the universe we live in, because those kind of liches don’t exist on any plane I’ve visited. Like I said, I’ve been doing this centuries, and even the rare times I’ve seen liches start out with good intentions, they can’t hold it together once they actually become undead. I guess Barry has debatably held it together, at least compared to the baseline for liches, but gods know what his intentions are, so I don’t plan on offering him a job any time soon.”

Taako took a sip of his wine. “You could still set him up for an interview sometime, just to see,” he suggested, completely deadpan. “Maybe he’ll surprise you.”

***

The view of the night sky was gorgeous from the moonbase, perhaps even on par with the blue-tinged literal heavens of the Astral Plane — but there was also something off about the view tonight, something Kravitz couldn’t quite place.

“What an atmosphere, am I right?” Taako sat down on a bench, still cradling Kravitz’s plate gingerly in his arms. “Who needs telescopes when you can stargaze from the moon?”

“If we ever have another artistic date, we should come out here earlier and try and paint this,” Kravitz agreed aloud. Internally, he was only growing more puzzled as he ran through a laundry list of variables.

The moonbase’s artificial lights had long since dimmed for the evening. They were miles above any other sources of the light pollution that plagued the modern world. The sky was cloudless from horizon to horizon, and the real moon was barely a crescent, hardly a bright enough beacon to drown out the lights of any stars.

So why did the sky look emptier than Kravitz remembered it ever looking in his lifetime, as if an invisible black backdrop at the edge of the Material Plane had slowly inched closer, smothering the most distant stars one by one and dimming the night by a barely-perceptible degree? Was his memory all wrong, or had something subtle yet cosmically pivotal changed?

“One of our artistic dates has got to be something musical,” Taako went on, apparently either unconcerned by the state of the sky or oblivious to it. “You keep up with modern music at all?”

“Mmm, on and off. Not so much recently, but I went to a lot of concerts last century.” Kravitz noticed Taako shivering slightly as a stiff breeze blew past, and draped his raven-feather cloak over Taako’s shoulder.

“Hey, thanks. Will RQ hand these cloaks out to any old Joe, or do you have to be a reaper to wear one?”

“You have to be a reaper to receive one —” Kravitz winked. “— but I have an extra I could loan you, if you promise you won’t wear it next time you commit a death crime.”

“It’ll get me more use than the Cloak of the Manta Ray, that’s for sure,” Taako snorted.

He pecked Kravitz on the lips, and Kravitz kissed back before the two of them both looked back up to the sky again, hand in hand this time.

“This is a very weird question,” Kravitz began, “but do you know how often visible stars go out? It can’t be very often, can it?”

Taako frowned. “Depends. You mean, like, as supernovas, or in the more anticlimactic ways?”

“Either, really. I just… I kind of thought there would be more stars visible from here than you can see from the surface, but the sky looks a little emptier than I remember from stargazing when I was alive.”

“That is weird,” Taako agreed, “‘cause stars all die eventually, and get reborn from the dust left behind — but they burn for millions or billions of years first. A few centuries is just chump change to stars; there’s no way it should make that much of a difference —”

“Okay, that’s what I thought,” Kravitz said. “Maybe my memory’s just cloudy…”

“Hmm. I guess that’s one explanation.” Taako rubbed his chin, then leaned back to rest his head on Kravitz’s shoulder as he squinted at the galaxies overhead. “Hmmm.” His murmur turned to a hum, his breath pleasantly warm on Kravitz’s neck.

“I’m sure you’ve studied more astronomy than I have, so I’ll leave this mystery to you,” Kravitz told him. “I prefer my mysteries down to earth, or maybe in the Underworld —”

“Me? Astronomy? Studying?” Taako laughed, and Kravitz felt him shiver. “You’re giving me too much credit. I just…”

He paused. “Just kinda picked up the basics in my free time, I guess.”

“Your free time where, at wizard school?” Kravitz teased.

“Nope! Taako’s Amazing Self-Taught Wizard Homeschool for life, baby. I just read about astronomy… here and there, I guess. Probs a library, not that it really matters…” Frowning, Taako rubbed his head, and Kravitz saw his hand come away damp with sweat.

“Speaking of libraries, we should visit one together sometime,” Kravitz pivoted, and was relieved to see Taako smile again, sitting up a little taller. “I love catching up on science that was contentious in my lifetime, like germ theory, or what will happen when the sun goes out —”

“Oh, that’s an easy one for us nowadays. We’ve got a few billion years before it turns into a white dwarf and eventually goes nova — not supernova, mind you, but still pretty nova. You won’t wanna be around for it.”

“I’ll try and retire from immortality before then,” Kravitz chuckled. “I’m sure my work would be cut out for me reaping —”

An electric buzz infiltrated the back of his mind, and he tapped two fingers to his temple, adjusting the celestial signal. “I’m so sorry. Hang on a second.”

“Business call?” Taako asked dejectedly.

“Yeah. Necromancers wait for no stargazing date nights.” Kravitz relayed a silent message of confirmation back to the Raven Queen, and lowered his fingers, cutting off the connection. “Alright, the Rockport Fantasy Costco got caught selling necrotic artifacts — again — but it’s not that urgent. Any other couples’ activities you want to squeeze into, let’s see, the next five minutes?”

Taako shook his head. “Nah, better to save all the good stuff for next time than to rush it. But speaking of that — when should next time be?”

“I have no idea when I’ll be free, honestly —” Kravitz admitted, “— but I just remembered! You’re not a wanted man anymore, so I can give you my Stone frequency!”

“Aw, hell yeah!” Taako rummaged through pockets full of pudding and magical trinkets, eventually procuring his own Stone of Farspeech. “Here, plug in your contact info and I’ll text you back —”

“Oh, gods, I was just going to read you my number! Your way is so much more efficient —”

“Hey, Old Man Krav, don’t be too hard on yourself! Most people your age wouldn’t even know what a Stone of Farspeech is —”

Caught up in parting banter, neither Kravitz nor Taako noticed when directly overhead, another star vanished without fanfare as the encroaching void swallowed it whole…

But miles below, at a furtive meeting in the foothills of an ill-charted mountain range, two undead spirits were all too aware.

***

Barry supposed it was obvious that he was nervous. In lieu of a racing heartbeat, the scarlet threads of his robe were repeatedly unravelling, then weaving themselves back together in a slightly different pattern each time — though he supposed he should count his blessings, since at least Noelle looked a lot less horrified than she honestly had the right to be.

“I think I got everything,” she told him, completely unfazed as he snatched the sack of components from her with a shaking, blurry hand. He really hadn’t meant to snatch it, like a feral cat snatching food from a human hand it didn’t yet trust. It had just sort of happened that way.

“Thank you,” was what he meant to tell her, but the sound that came out was indistinguishable from nails on a chalkboard, and he tried again. “Thank you, Noelle.”

The second time, it was more of a rasp — a lot like the voice he’d put on to talk to Taako, Merle, and Magnus in Goldcliff, except not at all intentional this time — but at least it was recognizably his, and for that, he was willing to settle.

“Mister Bluejeans, are you… okay?” Noelle asked him — and there it was, the question he’d been waiting for. “You’re surrounded by an awful lot of crimson lightning.”

“I’ve dealt with worse. I’ll live,” he told her. “Well, no, bad word choice — I’ll survive. Liches like me just… don’t handle negative emotions well, but better I express it than repress it. Besides, I’ve gotten through worse before.”

It must’ve helped, talking to someone who reacted to his eldritch nervous tics with concern rather than horror — because the rasp in his voice started to subside, and his hands looked almost human again, albeit incorporeal, as he sorted through the bag of components Noelle had delivered:

Iron filings by the pound. A few jade crystals, imperfect yet sufficient for their purposes. An arcane core, currently deactivated, yet surrounded by a humming magical aura made from practically the same stuff as Barry’s own current form.

And last but not least, several handfuls of black opals — an unpleasant reminder of the Hunger’s approach, of the stars blinking out and the color being sapped from the world. Their shifting pattern iridescence was so familiar that Barry could easily imagine pure white eyes opening on the surface of the gems, even though he knew he was safe, that these stones were nowhere near perfect circles.

“These will work,” he reported. “Really, I can’t thank you enough.”

“Oh, come on. It’s the least I could do,” Noelle told him. “Did you finish the cannon upgrade?”

“Sure did.” Barry returned her cannon arm to her, and she reattached it gingerly, humming with satisfaction as she tested moving it around. “Had to override a couple of Lucas’s anti-modding measures, and it’s gonna be a hassle to recharge, but it’s all set up to deal radiant damage now. Just please don’t test it in here, ‘cause my poor subterranean lair may not survive.”

Noelle laughed. “Gotcha. Once I get some practice shots in, I’ll be ready to set the trap. You feeling up to it?”

“I still don’t feel ready,” Barry admitted, “but it’s not like I’ve got any other options, besides sitting here and worrying more. I just… I just have to take it one step at a time.”

He placed the opals back in the bag, along with the other components and a wand he’d made specifically for writing runes. Out of sight and out of mind, if only for a brief respite.

Tomorrow, I’m saving my family from the Grim Reaper, he resolved. Then, I can worry about saving the planar system.

***

End notes:

Taako is actually wrong about what will happen to this planet’s sun in billions of years — white dwarfs only go nova if they’re located in binary or otherwise multiple star systems, like a certain two-sunned planet had ;) There’s also a couple references to the Grand Relics in this chapter that I like to think are clever, let me know if you caught them!

(Also, describing the Taakitz kiss as “a peck on the cheek” was a certified 100 percent intentional bird pun — shoutout to this fic’s awesome beta Fex for encouraging me to take that joke and run with it completely seriously!)

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Păpuşă (s.s.)

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: ~6.3k

Summary: You and Sebastian just finished a movie together. This is your first promo interview. What happens when an unknown truth is revealed?

Italicized = flashback

My Masterlist

“My first guest tonight is starring in her very first movie, a hilarious romantic comedy with Sebastian Stan that’s coming out in theaters this Friday. It’s her first time on the show- her first interview even. Please welcome to the show, Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

I come from behind the curtain and am greeted by Jimmy Fallon. He shakes my hand before giving me a light hug as I step up onto the stage in the 5 inch heels I immediately regret choosing for this interview. I wave at the crowd before taking a seat.

“Welcome to the show, Y/N.” He greets.

“Thank you! I’m excited to be here.” I cross my legs at the knee to get more comfortable in the outfit my stylist picked for me. This was my first promo interview for my very first movie. It’s expected to do fantastic at the box office. I know it’s going to be a great film.

“So this is your first movie. How cool is that?”

“Oh it’s beyond cool. I can’t even explain how excited I am for it to finally come out.” I smile, thinking about the last year of my life and how much it has changed.

“And your co-star and love interest is the amazing Sebastian Stan. Tell me how that was and how that came to be.”

“That’s a funny story actually. I insulted him during the first round of auditions.”

“Can you believe you’re headed to your first audition?” My friend shrieks in my ear through my headphones. I walk down the sidewalk from the bus station, trying to re-read the script we were all sent to make sure I memorized my lines.

 “No, I can’t. Don’t get your hopes up. You know how rare it is for someone to book their first ever audition? Practically unheard of.” I finally find the building after hanging up and go inside. I follow the signs until I reach a large room with dozens of people waiting their turn. People left and right all reading from the same script I have. I feel like the complete amateur I am in this crowd. Everyone looks so professional and not at all nervous, like I am. I find a quiet corner where there aren’t very many people.

 “Hey.” I hear someone one say over my soft music. I pull out my earphone to see a gorgeous girl standing in front of me. “Do you need help running lines?” She asks offering a kind smile.

 “Sure.” I unplug and put away my phone.

 We go over some small talk before turning to the script. I feel foolish doing this in front of her, but at least it’s some practice that I definitely need. I feel like I know this script front-wards and backwards by now, but I still feel like I will mess it up somehow.

 After we rehearse the necessary scenes, we continue to chat. She tells me that this is her tenth audition this week and I instantly want to drop out. There’s no way I will get picked over her. She looks like she belongs in this world. I don’t. The best that I could probably get would be someone in the back with no lines. I know it’d be something. Getting even a small part in a movie is something. But I want to go big. I wanted to go for the female lead. Go big or go home, right?

 We’re standing around, waiting for the process to start.

 And then he walks in.

 “Who,” I drag out, “is that?” I try not to stare too much, but it’s hard not to. He is one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. His shorter dark brown hair is covered with a dark blue baseball cap and his steel blue eyes are shaded by a pair of tortoise sunglasses, but he’s not fooling anyone. His beard is perfectly trimmed, trying to hide the sharp jawline but failing miserably. No one seems to have noticed his entrance, or if they did no one wanted to react.

 She turns around to see who I’m gawking at. “You seriously don’t know who that is?”

 “Oh no, I know exactly who that is. I just wanted to have that ‘movie moment’.” She laughed at my silly behavior, before looking behind me again.

 “Well get ready to have another because here he comes.”

 By the time I turned around, he was a few feet away from us. He greets the girl next to me. “Who’s your friend?” He asks, looking at me.

 “Y/N.” I introduce myself. I see out of my peripheral vision him hold his hand out to me. I shake it, trying my hardest to keep my fangirling at bay.

 “Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Sebastian.”

 I chuckled at how humble he is. He’s an A-list actor. He needs no introductions anymore. “I know. You played one of my least favorite characters on Gossip Girl.”

 “One of?” He asks, feigning offense. He crosses his arms over his broad chest, trying to act like a tough guy. “Who’s worse than me?”

 “Georgina,” I don’t hesitate to say, “and then Louis and Marcus tie for a close second. Blair didn’t have the best dating history.” I just finished re-watching all six seasons of the show for like the fifth time, so everything is fresh. I never thought my knowledge of a teen soap-drama would actually come in handy one day. “A history that briefly included Carter, even if it was to just piss off Chuck.”

 “In your eyes, what made Carter so bad?”

 “What he did to Beth was inexcusable. He deserved to work off his debt to the Buckley’s. And then lying to Serena about how long he’s known about where her dad is? That was sketchy and unnecessary. He didn’t deserve Serena. I was happy she left him on the side of the road.”

 He smirks at me, “You seem to have a strong opinion.”

 “Well I did just finish watching it again so you could say I’m pretty well-versed on what happened with Manhattan’s Upper East Side elite.”

 “I’d love to hear what other opinions you have.” His smirk turned into a smile that lit up the room.

 The first name was called into the audition room, bringing us back to the reason we are all here.

 “What part are you auditioning for?” He asks after the conversations continued around the room.

 “Noelle.” I name the main female character and ask the same question in return.

“Forrest.” He answers with the name of the main male character a.k.a. Noelle’s love interest. “Do you want to run lines together real quick before we get called in there? It’d be nice to go through it with someone who actually knows the dialogue.”

“We ran lines together and found out we just fit. When we made it to the chemistry read round, they told us to pair up. You can imagine everyone wanted to be his partner.”

“Everyone wanted to be Bucky’s partner.” Jimmy filled in.

“Everyone!” I emphasized. “I mean, how could they not? He’s a phenomenal actor and an even better human being.” I had to stop myself from gushing about him. I didn’t want to give everyone the wrong idea about us… “And much to everyone else’s dismay, he chose me because of how well we had gotten along the last time and we remained a pair for the rest of the process.”

“That’s awesome. And since this is your first movie, it must have been helpful to be surrounded by so many veterans.”

“Oh gosh, was it ever! I had no idea what I was doing the entire time. I felt like a fish out of water. Thank God I had someone like Sebastian to help whenever I needed something, which was a lot.”

I slam the door of my trailer and immediately fall apart. Today was bad. No, worse than bad. It was a trainwreck. I wouldn’t be surprised if they fired me after that awful performance.

I don’t know what was wrong with me today. I kept forgetting my lines, constantly messing up the take and having to do it over and over again. I know the director and everyone else involved must be frustrated with me with wasting everyone’s money and time. I also kept missing my marks. Somehow my feet and my eyes couldn’t register where I was supposed to stand and stop in the camera shot.

But worst of all, I couldn’t get into character. Getting into another head space right now didn’t seem possible no matter how many times I read the scene, I just couldn’t do it. It was frustrating as an actress because that’s what I’m being paid to do and I can’t do my job.

Knocks on my door nearly scares the crap out of me. I don’t get up from my spot on the floor. I don’t want to talk to anyone or have anyone seeing me like this.

Unfortunately I forgot to lock the door, so whoever knocked opens it and comes in. “Hey.” Sebastian’s voice fills my trailer with no trace of frustration. I run my fingers through my hair and wipe the tears away. He sits next to me, not saying anything else.

“I’m so sorry.” A new wave of tears threatens to fall, but I push them back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing is wrong with you.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders. “You’re just having an off day. Everyone has them. That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.” He coos. “Frankly, I think we’d all be surprised if you didn’t have one. Then we may think you’re a Russian spy coming to infiltrate.”

A very unattractive snort came from my nose as I tried not to burst out laughing. I finally look at him to see him smiling. Even if my dark trailer, his grin lights up the entire room like it always does. “You should know! You’re the Romanian vampire who never ages.”

“‘Romanian vampire’ is kind of redundant.” He pursed his lips, nodding. “All vampires are from Romania.”

“Oh shut up!” I use all of my strength to push him over but because his arm is secured around me, he barely moved more than a few inches and brought me with him. He keeps going though, lying on the floor, pulling me to his chest. We lie in the new calm silence.

Over the last few weeks, Sebastian has become more than just my co-star. He’s someone I would call a good friend. I can go to him if I need help knowing he would never judge me. I can bounce ideas off of him for our upcoming scenes. I can talk to him so easily about anything that’s on my mind and he will engage in the most meaningless conversations with me. I truly enjoy his company more than I ever thought I would… which definitely didn’t help with the slight crush on him before I even met him.

I tried to bury it as soon as we were both cast in this film. I didn’t want to ruin this job because of it by making things awkward on set when I couldn’t get a grip on reality. I managed pretty well until we had to do our kissing scene… When I found out there was going to be one, I instantly dreaded it. My only hope was it was done right away. I wanted to get it out of the way so I could then get over it and look at him as just a friend and co-star for the rest of the movie.

Luck was not on my side though. It took two months before we got to that scene. Two whole months of hanging out with him on and off set, running lines behind the scenes, him bringing me Starbucks every morning, and me slowly falling for him before finally getting to that scene. And to say it made things worse would have been an understatement. Every scene we’ve had to do together after that, I messed up at least twice getting lost in the things he said and the way he looked at me. I’d try and explain it away by blaming the lack of sleep for clouding my mind, but that can only go so far and can be used so many times before people start getting concerned about my health and work ethic.

“Are you going to be okay, păpuşă?” He asks breaking the silence with his Romanian that sounds like the most natural thing in the world. I wish he would tell me what that word means. I asked him the first time he used it, but he said, “Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.” So now I just deal with it and hope for the day he finally tells me.

“Did you two get close during filming? I ask because when he was here earlier in the week, he said he told the casting people when they offered him the part that he wouldn’t do the movie if you weren’t cast as Noelle. And there are plenty of rumors about the two of you being an item.”

My heart dropped. “Did he really say that?” I hadn’t had a chance to watch his interview from last week. I had been so busy with preparing all of mine in the coming weeks that I haven’t had much down time. And he didn’t say a word about it to me. Jimmy played the clip where he indeed said that. “Wow. Um...” I manage to squeak out before snapping out of it. “Yeah, we did get pretty close. I’m lucky enough to be able to consider him my best guy friend now. He’s someone I trust wholeheartedly.”

“So those rumors about you two dating are…?”

“Untrue. I am single and he is, too.” At one point during filming, I wasn’t sure that was true…

“Cut!” The director yells. “Alright, that’s a wrap today! Good job everyone. Be back here at 9 am tomorrow.”

I turn to one of my co-stars. “Thank God this day is over! I’m so tired. All I want to do this weekend is go back to my hotel room and stay there until Monday.”

“So you and Sebastian don’t have plans this weekend?” She asks as we walk back to our trailers.

“No? Why would we?” We do hang out a lot after we’re done filming for the day and sometimes spend the weekend hanging out in one of our hotel rooms, but we’re not always together like she is making it seem.

“So he’s free this Friday?” She tried to hide the smile on her face by biting her lip.

I shrugged, “As far as I know, yes? Why don’t you go ask him yourself? I’m not his keeper.”

That Friday, as we finish filming for the day, I see him leaving with her and I don’t hear from him again until I see him Monday morning. She was grinning ear-to-ear the entire day and he acted odd around me for the week following. He didn’t look at me unless we were filming, he disappeared during our lunch break, he would give short answers to my questions but then run away as soon as he saw an opening, and he’d be gone before I finished changing in my trailer. By the next weekend, I had had enough of it.

I bang on his hotel door and wait. It took a few minutes before I heard the lock on click and the door open to reveal a shirtless Sebastian and a pair of low-hanging sweatpants around his waist. His hair was also a mess, hanging in front of his eye. “Y/N, this isn’t a good time. I-”

“Why have you been avoiding me? Did I do something? I thought we were-”

“Is that the room service, Sebby?” I hear someone call from inside the room.

And suddenly, I realize what an idiot I was. He wasn’t avoiding me. He was just occupied with someone else now.

He turns back to me with the guiltiest look on his beautiful face. I swallow the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, I, uh, I’ll see you Monday.”

“Y/N!”

That weekend was probably the worst I had had in a very long time. I locked myself in my hotel room and ignored everyone except for the delivery guys when they brought me food. Sebastian came to my door a few times, knocking and begging for me to open up for twenty minutes the first time but then got shorter every time he came back.

By Monday, I plastered a smile on my face and planned on giving the performance of a lifetime, but fell incredibly short. I could barely look at him without feeling betrayed. But why did I feel like that? We weren’t together. He can hang out with whomever he wants. He’s a gorgeous single man who could have his choice of any girl and he’s choosing someone that isn’t me.

“Cut! That’s lunch.” Everyone scatters after the announcement. I make a bee-line for my trailer to eat in peace. I picked up something before coming in this morning for this very reason.

“Y/N, wait!” I hear Sebastian shout. As much as I want to ignore him right now, I have to get along with him for the sake of filming. But if he wants to talk about anything other than the movie, I’m out. He appears in front of me, halting my steps. “Now who’s avoiding who?”

“I’m not avoiding you. I just want to get to my lunch. I’ve been looking forward to it all day and I’m starving.” I step around him to continue my journey.

“Subway again?” He guesses correctly walking along with me. I don’t answer. I just kept going finally seeing my trailer in sight. “Can I please explain myself?”

“You don’t need to. You don’t owe me anything.” I yank open the door and step inside. He follows.

“I know I don’t need to, but it’s obvious you’re upset-”

“Upset? What gave you that impression?” My sarcasm bit. “Was it ignoring your constant knocking on my door? Or was it the fact that I didn’t return any of your phone calls and texts? Oh no, it must have been my blatant disregard for your repeated efforts to talk about it. I’m just giving back what you gave me all of last week.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, “I know I should have talked to you.”

“Why? Like I said, you don’t owe me anything.”

He steps closer. “But I do. We’re friends, Y/N. I should have told you what was going on.”

Friends. The worst F word a person can hear from someone they like.

So he explains. She had asked him out on a date last week. He said yes. They had a good time, but ultimately decided they were better off as friends. He was weird around me last week because he didn’t know if he could talk to me about it. He didn’t know if we were at that level of friendship yet, but I assured him that he could talk to me about anything, even girls no matter how much that would hurt. Of course I didn’t say that last part.

“Are we okay now?” He asks from his seat across the table. “Can I have my best friend back?”

“I’m your best friend? I thought that was reserved for Evans or Mackie.” I cross my arms on the table, smirking outwardly at his statement. My heart hurt a little to hear it. I don’t want to be his best friend… I want to be more.

“I think they’ll understand.” He smiles at me only confirming my stupid feelings.

“Well in that case, we have to be okay. If I’m going to face their wrath, I’m going to need some Winter Soldier protection.” My smirk turned into a smile as I imagine what their reactions are going to be.

“I gotchu, păpuşă.”

“Well if you’re both single then why not make it true? I saw the movie. Your chemistry is fire.”

I tried to hide my being uncomfortable with laughter. “I mean,” I shrugged, “I’m never going to say ‘never,’ because you really don’t know what can happen in the future, especially in Hollywood. But as for right at this moment, I am single.”

“And are you ready to mingle?”

“I am so ready to mingle!” I exclaim. “You have the connections, set a girl up!”

The rest of the interview went smoothly after that. I was escorted back to the dressing room, where I met up with my agent. She confirmed I had two phone interviews later, but I wasn’t listening very much. All I wanted to do was talk to Sebastian.

When I called him, I got his voicemail. “Bună iubito,” I use the greeting he taught me that meant “hey dude,” or something along the lines of that, “can you give me a call back as soon as you’re not busy? I need to talk to you about something.” I leave my hotel information before hanging up.

I just hang up with room service later that evening when there’s a knock on my door.

“I come bearing food!” He greets as he steps into my room.

“I just ordered room service.” I whine before taking a look at what he brought. Subway. Of course. I shake my head at how well he knows me before joining him at the table.

“Thank God because I’m starving. I only got this for you because you said you wanted to talk. I figured I needed to apologize for something, so I brought your favorite to soften the blow.”

“You know I had my Fallon interview today, right?” I ask getting straight to the point.

“Oh yeah, how’d that go?” He started unpacking my food, not looking at me.

“Good…” when he didn’t say anything, I add, “He told me what you said.”

His head dropped and his shoulders slumped. A sharp breath of air came out like a weight just lifted. “I was waiting for this.” He mumbles as he turns around to face me. “Look, if it sounded like an insult, I didn’t mean like that. I just meant that I believed in you so much and we got along so well during the audition process that if they didn’t choose you to play my opposite, then I didn’t want to be a part of the movie.”

“Why would you do that though? I’m sure there were more well-established actresses that auditioned that you would have gotten along with just as well. You took a huge risk betting on me.” I can’t imagine what this would do to his career if this fails because of me. “Not to mention, you could have lost the movie completely because of your foolishness.”

“I know, I know. There was just…” He paused, gaining a half smile at the image in his head, “there was just something about you that I wanted to know. I couldn’t let the opportunity go; I couldn’t let the possibility of being around you more slip through my fingers.”

Even in the poorly lit room, I could see the emotions in his eyes. The emotions I’ve seen multiple times while filming this movie with him… The way I imagine I look at him when he’s not looking. My heart races at the possibility of what he could be saying. I’ve had a crush on this man for years before I met him. Even the mention of his name made me smile and seeing videos of him interacting with fans always ended with me giggling because he was just so adorable. Then I actually met him and he has exceeded all of my expectations since then. He is the sweetest, most down to earth, hard-working, kind-hearted, passionate human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. And by some miracle, he might feel the same way about me that I do him.

“Sebastian…”

“Y/N…”

I had to sit down. If we were going to have this conversation, I wanted to be sitting. I curled up on the couch. He followed, sitting facing me resting his arm on the back of the couch. “When?” was the only question I could ask. My mind was spinning. Was this really happening right now?

His big, mesmerizing blue eyes locked on mine. They were filled with nostalgia as he remembered the moment. “It was the first time we hung out off set.”

After a long first week of filming, it was finally the weekend. One of the other actors suggested we all go out to celebrate surviving. I immediately turned to Y/N, waiting for her answer. All week I have been wanting to hang out with her off set. She is hilarious while just the two of us are between takes but shy when around everyone else, I wanted to know what she would be like in a more casual environment and not surrounded by dozens of people.

During lunch we all agreed to meet at this “cool” club downtown. Even as she said yes, I could tell she didn’t really want to. She’s an introvert. She doesn’t like crowds of people she doesn’t know. When we got back on set, I promised her I wouldn’t leave her side. She seemed reassured by it and that made me happy.

She makes me happy. Being around her has made me feel truly happy for the first time in a very long time. From the first moment I met her, she wasn’t afraid to tell me how she felt about my portrayal of an Upper East Side elite dick. Her conviction about a simple show showed me a side that interested me. What else made her blood boil? What other kinds of things is she passionate about? I had to know.

So when I was offered the part of Forrest, I asked who they were going to cast as Noelle. I panicked when they were leaning more towards someone else. I wanted to spend more time with her. Filming nearly every day with her for three to four months and then promoting the movie afterwards will give me that time. I knew I was risking everything by saying I wouldn’t do it unless she was Noelle. My agent definitely wasn’t happy with me about it when she found out. Thankfully it all worked in both of our favors.

She wasn’t like anyone I’d met in this industry and I wanted to see what else there was to her. I vowed not to waste any opportunity to do so.

I told her I would pick her up at her hotel and then we could go to the club together. But when she opened the door, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, “Do you just want to order pizza instead?”

No matter how badly I wanted to say yes and completely forget the plans we had made, I knew the two leads had to participate in a cast get-together even if it was only for a short bit. I did manage to convince her to go at least for a little while and then we could get pizza. I even added ice cream to the deal to persuade her.

When we got to the club, she instantly clammed up. I did all I could to make her feel comfortable for the time being by upholding my earlier promise. I never left her side. We ordered one drink, toasted with the cast, chatted for about ten minutes, and then we left.

The second she stepped out of the club, she was back to being her confident self. She complained about how stuffy it was in there, how loud and obnoxious the music was and how all she wanted to do was go back to her hotel and eat pizza and ice cream. Her wish was my command…

After we finally got our food, we went back to my hotel room. I was right about her having a whole different side to her outside of work. She is laid back, incredibly funny, and outgoing once she gets comfortable with you. I learned she has many different laughs for different situations, all of them equally as adorable as the last. She snorts when she laughs so hard that she can’t breathe. She squeaks when she likes something, her nose crinkles and her upper lip kinks up when she doesn’t. Each and every time she laughs, her smile lights up the room. She does have very strong opinions on more things than TV shows she knows well. I got to know her more than I ever expected.

“You know I didn’t initially want to be an actress?” She says lying on the couch with her feet on my lap. “It was more like a last resort thing. I never thought I could do it.”

“Why didn’t you think you could do it?” I ask flabbergasted by her inability to see how talented she is. Throughout the audition process, if I didn’t already know she was a newbie, I would never have guessed it. She acted like a pro. She nailed just about everything that was asked of her.

“Well,” She finishes her last piece of pizza, impressing the hell out of me. This girl isn’t afraid to eat. She consumed the entirety of her own pizza. I love it. “It’s not that I thought I couldn’t act. It’s that I knew it would a long shot that anything would ever come of it. All you ever hear about are people struggling to make it in LA. I’m one of those people that doesn’t like failing. If I didn’t get this movie, I probably would have given up on acting completely and tried something else.

Plus, it was drilled into my mind during my formative years that being an actor or a singer ‘weren’t real jobs’ so I just kind of swept it under the rug, never to be thought about again… until a few months ago that is.”

“Just goes to show, păpuşă, that you shouldn’t listen to the doubters.”

“Pap-what?” Her brows furrowed and her mouth hung open in confusion.

“Păpuşă.” I repeated fully knowing she has no clue what I’m saying. I’d been calling her that in my head ever since I met her, guess it just kind of slipped out.

She sat up and scooted closer to me. “I know you fluently speak Romanian, no need to show off to the rest of us that are inept and uneducated at languages. What does it mean?”

I tucked some of her hair behind her ear, taking in her natural beauty. When I met her, she wasn’t wearing much make-up, and she looked stunning. She’s complained to me many times this week that she has to wear more than she’s used to for filming. She thoroughly enjoys when she can take it off at the end of the day. She goes into her trailer as a beautiful woman, but she comes out the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen when she is without any. Not only is she naturally beautiful, her hair smells heavenly I literally want to bury my face in it constantly, she’s smarter than she thinks she is, she’s kind to everyone on set, she’s caring towards all she meets, she’s creative on and off set, she’s extremely passionate about many different things, she’s… everything I had thought she would be and so much more.

I like her. A lot more than I ever thought I would. I see that now.

“Now păpuşă, if I told you that, then I’d have to kill you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I ask after going down memory lane of that night. We went to McDonalds later because we were both still hungry and were craving their fries. We walked a few blocks to do so, singing Disney songs to each other down the empty streets to pass the time. It was an adventure that I never expected but am extremely grateful for. It showed me a side of him I had always wanted to see… and it only worsened my feelings for him.

“I didn’t want to make things awkward on set if you didn’t feel the same way.”

“And that date you went on with-?” It was only a month after our first hang out that he went out with our co-star. If he liked me then, it doesn’t make sense why he would go through with it.

“I did agree to go on a date with her, but only because I couldn’t go out with the person I really wanted to take out. And as soon as we got to the restaurant, she told me she only asked me out because she knew you wouldn’t. She was hoping that her even mentioning asking me out would spark something in you. That gave me hope.” Even the small smile that appeared beamed causing my insides to feel all melty.

“If you had hope then why did you ignore me after that?” All of the pieces are coming together now; it’s all starting to make sense.

“I only ignored you because every time I looked at you, all I wanted to do was tell you how I felt. But I didn’t want to tell you unless I knew for certain that you liked me back. I didn’t know how to handle it correctly. The night you came to my hotel room, she was only there to try and convince me to tell you. I had just gotten out of the shower when she arrived, so she had ordered room service while I was getting dressed. That’s when you knocked on the door. Nothing was going on between us.” He reached over, taking my hand in his. “It shattered me to see how hurt you were.”

I shook my head at the memory of that night. “Did you even suspect why I was so hurt?” I know at times I wasn’t subtle about my feelings for him. I always had a stupidly big smile on my face when I was around him, finding every opportunity to bring him up in a conversation… but that night, I was sure he would find out. When he didn’t ask me about it specifically, I thought he didn’t notice or care.

“Believe me, I had hoped that the reason you were so upset was because you cared about me the way I did you. But when I explained everything and you didn’t say anything, I assumed…”

“When you called me your best friend, it kind of slammed the door on that talk. One of the reasons why one day I literally could not do anything right was because of how I felt about you.” I admit, “I think I just got so overwhelmed with everything going on with the movie and how quickly life had flipped upside-down, trying to make sense of my feelings for you and maintaining a façade that my mind just could not do what everyone asked of it.”

He titters, “The day we laid on the floor in your trailer for so long that we fell asleep.” I nod. As we both reminisce about that day, his thumb rubs circles on the back of my hand. We fell asleep for quite some time too. It was the best nap I had had in a very long time. No one had any idea where we were and why we weren’t back on set when called. It was slightly embarrassing to be found in that position but since we were both clothed, no one suspected anything happened.

“I tried to bury my feelings for you when we were cast, but every day we’ve spent together has just-”

“made them stronger?” He finishes, locking eyes with me.

“How freaking cliché is that? Falling for your co-star?” Everything is telling me that this wouldn’t work. The track record of celebrities starting relationships on set and staying together is staggeringly low. I don’t want to become another statistic, but with the way Sebastian is looking at me right now, it makes me feel hopeful that we’d be one of the success stories.

“I mean, I liked you before we were even cast. Doing the movie together just helped those feelings grow exponentially.” He smiles at me again, caressing my cheek.

“You made sure of that,” I chuckled.

“And I think I made the right choice in trusting my heart.” He grabs both of my hands and pulls me up off of the couch. “If we’re going to do this, I want to do it right.” He takes a deep breath, letting his smile take over his handsome features. “Will you, Y/F/N Y/L/N, go out on a date with me?”

“It would be my humblest honor, Sebastian Stan.”

“Great, how does now sound?” He asks eagerly.

“Now? But Subway and room service…” I whine, eyeing the long white plastic bag on the table.

“You know as well as I do that you can have it later or tomorrow.” He gave me a pointed look, daring me to argue with him. He knows that’s what I’ve done multiple times; he knows I can’t argue with him. Bastard.

“Ugh, fine!” I whine some more. “Let me just take off my make-up and then we can go.” I still hadn’t taken off the stage make-up from my interview earlier. I felt disgusting and in need of a good face wash.

“Păpuşă, you look perfect.” He pulls me to him after I exit the bathroom, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Are you ever going to tell me what that means?” I giggle as he buries his bearded face in my neck.

He laughs, pulling back. “Doll.”

“What?”

“Păpuşă means ‘doll’.”

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @naniky

[thewritingbranch]

Kinda Complicated | M.C.

Guess who’s back, back again? Noelle’s back, tell a friend.

Okay yeah, I’m sorry for that. But I’m back! I have like 7 drafts just waiting to be posted. By the way, I’m still looking for a co-writer, so if you’re interested, message this blog. Also, send in your requests! I’ll go now and let you guys read this.

Requested: nope. I just liked this concept

Summary: based off of the song by Scott Helman. If you haven’t heard it, you can listen to it here. This also may or may not be based on an adventure I had with my best friend.

Warnings: some swearing and mentions of drinking

By the way, for any of you who aren’t Canadian, American or Puerto Rican, Pet Smart is a pet supply store. I believe it is called Pet Supermarket in Europe.

Also, there is mention of drinking at the end. Drink responsibly kiddos and please don’t drink if you’re underage.

Last little announcement, I promise. I’m Canadian. I spell certain words with a ‘u’ (p.ex.: favourite). Please don’t get mad in my inbox if you spell it differently. 

“You are crazy! You can’t climb that, you’ll get us kicked out!” y/n said

“I am not crazy! Also, challenge accepted” Michael answered

“Michael I don’t care how hard you try, you are not Barney Stinson or Neil Patrick Harris.”

“You don’t get to tell me what I am! I am Barney Stinson IN THE FLESH y/n. And just because you said that I will climb this Pet Smart aisle and get us kicked out. And just to make matters worse for you I will do it all while singing Fergalicious by Fergie.”

“Okay firstly, you aren’t Barney Stinson, you can't get laid for shit and you sure as hell can’t pull off a perfect week. Secondly, do I get to sing Fergalicious with you?”

“How dare you! I was gonna let you be my backup singer but then you said that. You only get to sing Fergalicious if you climb this shelf with me.”

“Oh fine. I will use my non-existent upper body strength to climb this shelf with you. But only because I want to sing Fergalicious.”

“Fergalicious is the best bait. We begin the climb on three, okay?”

“Okay.”

“One-.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

“On three or after three?”

“On three! I just said that!”

“Fuck off.”

“Aww, I love you too.”

“Onetwothreego”

Y/n started climbing before she even hit two, leaving a pissed off Michael on the ground of the Pet Smart.Y/n began to sing Fergalicious right after the word ‘go’ was uttered, forcing Michael to be her backup singer rather than Fergie herself (bless her soul).

“Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco. They want my treasure so they get their pleasure from my photo. You could see me, you can’t squeeze me. I ain’t easy, I ain’t sleazy.” y/n, who was already half way up the shelf, sung.

On the ground, Michael just rolled his eyes. Y/n got to the top of the shelf and threw down a dog bed to hit Michael in the face while yelling:

“Suck my dick, bitch”

“Rotostatic” He yelled back. It was their warning word.

The word they yelled to warn the other of nearby authority figures. They had used it since freshman year of high school. It was the name of the local carpet cleaner’s shop. His truck had passed them while they were climbing their school roof in the 9th grade. That word had helped them avoid expulsion so many times. That word was engraved on the inside of the gold heart shaped necklace Michael had gotten y/n the year they both turned 16. Many people would argue that engraving ‘rotostatic’ on a necklace ruins it but y/n loved it. The necklace is still being worn daily a year later.

As soon as the word left Michael’s mouth, y/n climbed down two shelves and jumped the remaining 4. Michael began pretending to look interested in the dog bed that had been thrown at him and y/n was doing the same, but with that bed's competitor. 

Whenever this type of thing happened, they pretended to be a couple debating two competing products. They had done this with creams, ribbon, protein powders, eggs (that was their favourite story to tell. How they got away with smashing eggs on each other's heads in public), condoms, tampons, and now dog beds. They both thought it was pretty amazing.  

An employee came to the aisle they were in and asked if everything was okay.

“Everything is perfect. The only problem is my wife and I seem to be disagreeing on which dog bed is better. What’s your opinion?” Michael answered. The employee let out a sigh and explained that the dog bed y/n was holding was of a better quality. 

They thanked her and she walked away. She mumbled to her co-worker:

“I think they got a disease or something.” Her co-worker nodded along. Neither of them tried to make it subtle.

“Disease huh? Last time I checked, I only had you and you only had me.” Michael whispered to y/n

“Fuck ‘em. Also since when did we agree to bump me up from girlfriend to wife?” y/n answered as they made their way out of the store, both of them subtly flipping off the employees and hoping they would notice.

“Why are you complaining?” he shot back. He wrapped his hand around her shoulders and they made their way to their ride.

“Hey, Mike you remember that one time we went to PetSmart?” 

“How could I forget? After all, we are banned now” He answered y/n’s question with a chuckle 

That was nearly a year ago. Nowadays, Michael and y/n rarely ever have time to have crazy adventures like that one, but when they do, you sure as hell can bet they’ll do the stupidest thing you can imagine. 

The only downside to that is that Michael is now famous, so everyone is on the lookout for his face. It makes doing borderline illegal things way more difficult.

“I miss that,” they both said at the same time. Once they realized what had happened, they were both laughing their asses off. They always thought they had some kind of telepathy and moments like those just confirmed their theory.

“Anyways, I got this tweet and it’s a link to the urban dictionary. Someone put our friendship on the site.” y/n said after they had both calmed down

“Damn that’s amazing! What does it say?” he answered

“A friendship where some days you shine and some days you rust. Reminiscent of y/n y/l/n and Michael Clifford’s friendship” y/n read off of her phone 

“Is it just me or do I feel like they left out a meaning?” 

“See I asked the person who tweeted this out that and they said they ‘couldn't find a word for our kind of insane’ I find that to be quite stupid, to be honest” 

“I agree.”

“With me or with the tweet”

“That’s up to you to figure out”

“Goddamit Michael”

“Aw I love you”

“I love you too you sick asshole. Wanna go do something borderline illegal?”

“Y/n you know I can’t do that. There’s gonna be paparazzi, we’ll get caught,” he said sympathetically 

“Fine. Wanna get drunk while listening to Green Day?” she sighed

“Sure. What song do we begin with?” he answered

“The usual,” she winked 

Part 2?

Masterlist

[matthewvincenzi]

Blog 4- September 26th- October 2nd

Blog 4- September 26th- October 2nd

           During this week of my life, I have been noticing a lot of changes of how I am gaining my interests from. I have never really been a fan of hockey, as I do not regularly watch the sport. Sometimes if friends and family is watching the game and I have nothing better to do I will watch it. As the hockey season started, a lot of my friends wanted me to watch the first game with them. I realized that even though I don’t know much about hockey, the different teams or the players, I found myself cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs. As all my friends in the room were cheering for the Maple Leafs, I was as well. I was just “going with the flow” for what everyone else was doing to create a common interest. (Sullivan, J.) explained bandwagon in which there may be a belief, idea and/or trend where a person will adapt to its existence because it is an popular trend. This would relate to my audience experience because even though I am not a fan of hockey or the Toronto Maple Leafs I was still watching the game and cheering for that team just because my friends were doing that. (Neubaum, G,. Kramer, N, 2016) examined the freedom of speech as well as minority opinions in communication theory. This article talked about the spiral of silence theory. (Noelle-Neumann, 1974, 1993) suggests that individuals are motivated to continuously gauge whether their stance on a controversial issue corresponds to the majority opinion. If one’s opinion is perceived to conform to the majority, individuals are more likely to express their stance than individuals who find themselves on the side of the minority (Neubaum, G,. Kramer, N, p. 140). As we can see through this theory that if a person is the minority, they will stay silent and keep to the majorities idea. This can relate back to my experience. The Toronto Maple Leafs were playing hockey against the Montreal Canadians. If I would have to pick a favourite team I would say the Montreal Canadians. If it were just me watching the hockey game I would have preferred that the Montreal Canadians would win the game. Since I was with group of people wo were all cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs, I would have been considered the minority. I would not want to be in that situation where I would be against my friends so I cheered with their team, showing that I was a bandwagon during that time. I stayed towards the majority opinion and idea that night in hopes to not have to express my opinion and possibly be socially rejected (Neubaum, G,. Kramer, N, p. 140). Noelle-Neumann (1974) attributed this phenomenon to the individuals fear of isolation. I would agree with this as if I went against the majority opinion, I would have felt as though they would reject my opinion and lead to myself feeling lonely in that situation. This is a situation where I was an audience member but a bandwagon in respect to the media I was consuming.

           In my class seminar, we also were talking about the spiral of silence and relating it to class content suggesting that we always want to fit in and we tend not to speak out if we do not think it’s the majorities opinion (Good, J, Lecture 4). We discussed how as audience members we should be encouraged to speak about our opinions. I am usually a person who will speak my mind and the truth I think. Although sometimes when for instance, there is a sporting game or a serious topic I will tend to agree to the majority. In the seminar, I stated my thoughts about how in many but not all situations, I will speak out about what I think is right. For example, this week when I saw a controversial topic on social media about the upcoming elections, I commented on the post and gave my real opinion of the topic even though most of the comments were not in favour of that opinion but agreed with what the post said. I commented, disagreed and stated my opinion. In that case I did go against the majority option and stated my own opinion. It did feel good knowing that I can express my own opinions. Sometimes I feel that I need to express my own opinions more because it allows me to speak my truth and even if others do not agree with me, I can still explain why I feel a certain way and why my opinion is that way. I personally have been a bandwagon in the past but more recently in my life, I have been taking my own interests more seriously than majority opinion within the group I am in, and knowing that I can rely on myself and enjoy the things I like, will help myself increase my interests in my life.