#me looking through my old drafts like WHO WROTE THIS🤨

[macdenlover]

thinking about 13x01 and how it established the way these characters just keep choosing their own doom. they just keep inflicting so much perverseness and cruelty on themselves and the world even when they have a way out. even when its handed to them on a silver platter.

mac focused on himself after dennis left. he was out of the closet he achieved his perfect body and he was plowing through every gay bar in philly trying to fill the void. and it gave him the perfect opportunity to grow and heal and find his identity after coming out. things were better. he was basically completely detoxed from dennis at that point. he could have had anyone he wanted. but he bought the sex doll anyway. he talked to it. he belittled himself in dennis’s voice. and dennis. dennis came back after building a whole life for himself. he wasn’t there just trying it out for a few weeks, he got USED TO parenthood. he was well over the initial adjustment period. it was probably quiet and fulfilling and his blood pressure was probably much lower. but he came back anyway. because that’s the crux of the show. old infected wounds that don’t close because they can’t stop picking at the scabs. and then when they finally do have the time to heal over and there’s finally new skin there they rip it all back open again. just. deliberately mutilating themselves for a fucked up kind of love because it’s all they’ve ever known