#me during ap week basically

[secretly-a-trekkie]

thire is concerned

[writingonleaves]

just two hours to get there, babe (i can make it back about an hour or so) - reckless driving au

universe: reckless driving au

warnings: not much! some minor spoilers of things that haven't Happened in the au yet, a devils cup win sometime before 2029 lmfao

title: "jersey giant" by tyler childers

word count: 1.8k

author's note: got emo about stamkos' goodbye to tampa bay on the players tribune (its always the players tribune) and whipped this up!

important context!! amelie wins an award from World Sports Photography (a real award) along with some prize money, and she decides to donate all the money to Sports Media For Everybody, a (made-up) organization that supports queer media professionals. Below is her op-ed for SMFE, which ends up circling around hockey media circles / hockey twitter. i like to see it as the first real Public thing she's ever posted / written. this is published about a month before jack and amelie get married in 2029, btw. enjoy and lmk what you think!!!

A Photo Worth More

by Amelie Fishel

Background: Amelie Fishel is a photographer mostly known for her work in sports. She has photographed in the NHL, NFL, PWHL, MLB, WNBA, the Olympic Games, the World Cup and more. Her photos have appeared in AP, ESPN, Sports Illustrated and The Athletic. Her photo of New Jersey Devils alternate captain Jack Hughes (also her fiance) during the Stanley Cup Final won a World Sports Photography award last week. A member of SMFE for over five years, Amelie has spoken in numerous classrooms and at panels and workshops to share her knowledge. Alongside Jack, she is an ambassador for You Can Play. 

When I took a bow at my last dance recital with Michigan Dance Company, I thought I was done with sports. 

Don’t get me wrong. Dance had — and still has — brought me so much. It taught me a lot of things about myself, and brought me friends I still talk to today. But after blinking at the stage lights onwe last time to loud cheers from our family, friends and fellow dancers, I knew I made the right decision to stop my decade plus intense training. I would end up dancing recreationally throughout college, but nothing close to what I did at MDC. 

During my first week at the University of Michigan, I was timidly walking around the overwhelming Festifall, which happens every year at the school. It’s basically a club fair to showcase everything you can do at Michigan. Whether by happenstance or something else, I locked eyes with Jenny DeAngelo, who is currently the social media coordinator for the Los Angeles Chargers. I still remember — she had the cutest bob, a camera around her neck and the friendliest smile.

“Are you interested in working for the Michigan Athletic Department?”

Looking back, vaguest question ever. They could’ve been asking for equipment staff or helpers for ticket sales. But I walked over to Jenny, and that was it. 

For my whole four years at Michigan, I photographed almost every sport. Football, swimming, soccer, gymnastics, field hockey, you name it. I gave up a lot of weekends and school nights when I could’ve been out partying (let’s be honest, knowing me, I wouldn’t have been anyways) to stand at the sidelines of a field or court. I always knew I wanted to do photography, but the sports part of it all caught me off guard. 

Photographing hockey was almost a different skill set. I never played and didn’t really know anyone who did. But hockey at Michigan is sacred. I felt it the first game I shadowed, with Yost Arena filled up to the brim. I remember panicking because the sport was so fast. How could I ever keep up?

But I’ve never backed down from a challenge. 

I started being placed on the hockey beat more and more to the point where the guys started knowing me by name. I found myself at Yost pretty often during the season. And with my love for photographing hockey came my love for the actual game of hockey. Michigan hockey, in a way, was where another very important branch of my root love for photography started. I will always be grateful to Kristy, Maggie, Lauren and all the players and staff I worked with there for the encouragement and setting the expectations astronomically high for how a photographer is part of the team’s DNA.

I’m so grateful that my first gig after graduation was with the NHL. Being trusted to photograph the Philadelphia Flyers, the New Jersey Devils, the New York Islanders and the New York Rangers as an inexperienced but eager 22 year old was such a pleasure. I learned a lot and I still look upon the early years of my career with so many good memories. 

Since then, I’ve been lucky to continue doing what I enjoy on stages I could’ve never imagined I would even have a seat at the table at. From the world stage with the Olympic Games and World Cups, to Stanley Cup Finals and Super Bowls, to junior and high school sports Every sport at every level has taught me something new, and I feel so grateful that holding a camera still feels fresh. 

I’m extremely honored to receive this award for a photo that personally means so much to me.

When I took that photo of Jack during Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, I honestly don’t remember what I was thinking. I was a ball of nerves that entire game — that entire post-season, to be honest with you — and I was purely doing everything out of instinct. I was urged multiple times by many people to not do my job. Go be in the crowd and enjoy it as a fan, everyone told me. But I couldn’t. I would’ve rather been working with the safety net of the camera around my neck because that would calm down my nerves. So they let me do it, more for my sake than anything, I think. What I do remember is when the final horn sounded, because everything leading up to that point flashed through my mind like a movie. Like a supercut, as Lorde would say. 

An image of when Jack and I first met flashed through my mind all those years ago in Michigan (the state, not the school). An image of the first Devils game I shot flashed through my mind, where he, of course, scored. An image of me crying in a conference room in Madison Square Garden flashed through my mind, when I felt so burnt out and questioned if I wanted to even do this anymore. It wasn't the first time I felt that way, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. An image of Jack coming into my office and waiting for me to finish editing photos flashed through my mind, the quiet hum of The Rock as our soundtrack. 

I remember when family and loved ones were shuffling onto the ice and I saw Luke skating up to me, the cup in the back and the biggest smile on his face. All I could think of was him in the Michigan maize skating up to me all the years prior. It felt like the most full circle moment. 

Basically, it felt like a movie, where everything that led up to that point came crashing down on me and all I could feel was pure joy and pride.

To me, that’s it. Photographing people is about capturing the pureness of emotions. Joy, sadness, frustration, anguish, confusion. I hate to use a cliche, but it’s true. A snapshot of a moment in time can say so much. That’s what keeps me going. That’s what motivates me to keep trying when the last thing I want to do is click that damn shutter. 

Recently, I was asked last minute to shoot a Devils game. It had been over a year since I had done so, so I jumped at the chance. I didn’t realize until I walked into the familiar hallways that it was Hockey Is For Everyone Night. Chris Sccopetto, one of the equipment guys (more commonly known as Frosty) tossed me something when I walked in. I looked down and teared up. It was a roll of rainbow ribbon. 

When I covered the NHL on a consistent basis, I would tie a ribbon in my hair, the color matching whatever team I was working for that night. It was a little thing I did just for fun. During the Hockey Is For Everyone nights, I used to always put something rainbow in my hair. I was honored that Frosty remembered. 

At that Devils game, I was shooting pre-game warmups, and a young woman was against the glass. After she got a puck from Dougie Hamilton, I went up to her, showing her the picture and asking if she would want a copy. I don’t always do this, but the picture was too good and I felt like she’d appreciate it. Just as I was about to leave, she told me she liked the ribbon in my hair. We got to chatting, and I found out that she had just come out as bisexual to her family, and she had looked forward to being at the game tonight for a long time. I offered her the roll of rainbow ribbon and went on my way, but that interaction will stick with me for awhile. From one bisexual woman to another, we’ve found a common space in a sport we love.

In light of recent events, nights like Hockey Is For Everyone are more important than ever. I have been lucky that my sexuality hasn’t been an issue in any workplace I’ve been a part of, but I know that I am so lucky it hasn’t been. As a photographer, I feel the energy of the fans at every game I shoot. For all fans, staff and players to feel included and to feel like they belong in a world that they love is crucial. It’s how the sport will be sustained. I know how important that feeling of inclusion is. It’s not just rainbow ribbons and tape — it goes beyond. It must go beyond. 

Hockey Is For Everyone, and similar events to it, is a start. But that’s just what it is. A start. It’s through actions small and large where the work continues. It’s through just telling someone that you hear them and support them. It’s through donations, no matter how big or small, to organizations that do incredible work. It's through offering a shoulder to cry on and being the loudest to voice support in triumphant moments. Allyship exists in so many forms. 

In the corner of the photo that won this award, if you look on the top right, you see a fan waving a rainbow flag, by the way. 

I’m so lucky that the passion for my work led me to do what I love alongside the love of my life also doing what he loves. People say working with your significant other isn’t ideal, but now that I don’t do it as much anymore, I can say that I miss it greatly. Jack, you make me laugh and feel so incredibly happy. I love you. All the friends and colleagues I made through my work have been the greatest blessings and deserve all the thanks. My friends outside of work who remind me that life is more than just a camera, you deserve all the gold stars. Thank you. My family - Mom, Dad, Colette, Kaiden, Charlotte and Xander, thank you for all your cheerleading. 

But lastly and mostly importantly, thank you to everyone who has let me point a camera at them. The way I’ve been included in vulnerable, intimate and beautiful moments just by simply being there and doing my job — it’s a feeling that never gets old. Thank you for letting me into your life. I look forward to continue doing it with integrity and love for as long as I can.

yours,

amelie fishel

~*~*~

tag list (lmk if you wanna be a part of it!!): @ru-kru , @bunbunbl0gs

[thepastdied]

Crimson Stains and Ribbons

bully!eddie Munson x fem!reader / third person oc(?)

Tried to use the name (Julia) as little as possible so it could feel more like an x reader.

Warnings: blood, mention of an oc’s name (not mine) a few times. Eddie is kinda a meanie. Eddie is kinda OOC a bit??

Summary: Eddie is jealous of Gareth's charming, cute, girly cousin that gets a lot of attention. He bullies her because he is a brat and assumes she's like a basic popular girl. Ends in fluff.

Word Count: 2,800

Request from @decadenttrashcookiehero .

Her dress swayed as she walked through the empty cafeteria with Gareth by her side. Eddie’s head perked up when he heard the heavy double doors slam shut, eyebrows raising at this familiar person. She was that new girl in his English class, always wearing cute dresses with a ribbon of a different color in her hair everyday. She was always smiling and talking with someone, especially the boys who were constantly scooting their chairs over to her and sweet talking her up.

“Hey guys- This is my cousin, Julia.” Gareth introduces her.

The rest of the group greeted her warmly and began to chat amongst themselves. Eddie’s eyes narrowed at the group all huddled together, feeling left out as they all laughed and the girl giggled. Yeah, of course she’d suck up all the attention.

She waved to him, awkwardly looking away when he only blankly looked at her, muttering his name and moving his eyes back down to his notebook.

He ignored her presence for the remainder of their hellfire meeting as she sat at the far corner of the stage, nose shoved into a book. And, as expected, everyone pulled her into another conversation when their meeting ended, him excluded (yet he didn’t even try to join in).

He groaned when she slid into the desk in front of him the next morning, hair splayed across her back and that stupid ribbon holding half of her hair up.

The teacher clapped her hands together to grab everyone’s attention.

“Alright, we will be in pairs for this short project. You should be able to finish it in a couple days.”

She walked up to each row, pointing to the students who will be partners.

The girl stiffened when the teacher pointed to her and then Eddie, hearing him loudly sigh. She definitely chose the wrong seat today.

She turned around, smiling shyly before offering a topic for their assignment only to get a stoic nod from him.

“Why don’t we just work on it this weeke-”

“No can do, got band practice with the boys.” He looked away from her, picking at his fingernails.

“We could just work on it at his house, and you can practice after?” She recommended as she began to pack her pencils into her rose printed case.

Eddie put his thumb to his chin, feigning deep thought.

"I guess so. Be there right after school. I'm sure you'd like to get this done as much as me." He slapped his hands on the desk and stood as the bell rang, ignoring the way her lips turned downwards.

"Oh and, uh- rosy? You can get the poster board."

"My name is Jul-"

"You can get the poster board." He blankly repeated, huffing when a student came over to your desk to ask if you wanted to go to lunch together.

“Wow.” He rolled his eyes, brushing past her and leaving the classroom.

She sat in Gareth's garage on an old milk crate, watching as her cousin went ape shit on his drum set. Her smile quickly disappeared when Eddie's van pulled up. The boys greeted him and he brightly greeted them back, walking past her as if she weren't there.

"uhm… Eddie? We should start now." She shifted on her feet and picked at a loose thread on her dress.

He sighed, showing that she was clearly wasting his time, before following her into Gareth's living room.

"So I started some research during lunch… got quite a lot done actu-"

"Then why am I here?" He scoffed as he crossed his legs on the coffee table.

She clenched her jaw, losing her patience at his attitude.

“The fuck is your problem, Eddie?” She slammed her notebook down, receiving an amused look from him.

“What? You mad that I’m not fawning over you like everyone else?” He snorted and grabbed the notebook and the pencil that was still in her hand, writing down some notes.

She glared at him, eyes scanning over his face and watching as he focused on whatever he was writing. He was right- she was mad that he didn't like her very much. She never did anything to make him act this way, and he was being a brat.

He stiffened when she scooted closer to him, her knee touching his thigh, as she leaned forward to look at what he was writing. Shockingly, he was doing the assignment, and over the course of the most awkward 10 minutes of silence he had written a bit.

“You like this creative writing class, huh?” She spoke. He only hummed in response, hand quickly writing across the paper and smudging the pencil lead in its path. He’s a lefty?

“Did you want me to leave this part to you then.. I could just start designing the pos-“

“You’re making me lose my train of thought, so- hush.” Eddie waved his hand at her as he looked through his eyelashes.

“Asshole..” She groaned and moved to sit on the floor as she started on the poster.

His eyes would flick over to her every once and a while. He almost started to feel bad, but would then remember that she’s probably just as stuck up as the popular kids that tortured him. Her kindness was probably fake… right?

An hour later after minimal small talk over the assignment, he got bored. He finished his part, which was basically more than half of the project since he got carried away, and started to bob his leg.

“Can you stop that?” She asked kindly, which pissed him off.

“Nope.” He began to move faster.

Eddie’s jaw dropped in shock when she slapped his knee playfully and laughed.

His heart clenched a bit and he cleared his throat, moving to look over her shoulder.

“You should redo that, it looks weird.” He pointed to a cutely designed diagram to the top right of the poster. It didn’t look dumb, but he just had to say something.

“R-really..?” She furrowed her eyebrows, a hurt expression on her face as she looked up at him, his curls brushing the side of her head.

He opened his mouth to make a cocky remark but instantly felt bad. The look she was giving him…

“Uh, no..just kidding. Rosy, give me your pencil case.” He avoided her eyes as he pointed to the case and began to grab some colored pencils out of it.

“Eddie, my name is not Rosy. Where did you even get that from?” She gave him an annoyed look.

He shrugged as he colored in some stuff, pointing to the rose print on her pencil case.

“Oh..”

She looked at his side profile and blushed.

"What? Can I help you?" He snapped at her.

"Wha- no.. No, sorry." She blinked a few times and shook her head.

His eyes narrowed at her and moved to her hair, pulling the ribbon out and dangling it in front of her face.

"Why do you even wear these things?" He flicked it at her face.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, missing when he grabbed the ribbon and stuffed it in the pocket of his jacket.

"Eddie, why don't you stop paying so much attention to everything I do, hm?" She bit back at him, masking how hurt she was.

He didn't say anything for the rest of their remaining hour.

"It's almost 6, gonna go practice with the band now." Eddie stood up and stretched his hands above his head, not missing the way her eyes looked at his exposed skin.

She nodded as he brushed by her, knocking her pencil case off the table.

"Oops." He snickered at her before disappearing down the hall to the garage.

She wanted to grab every writing utensil she had and whip it at the back of his head, but decided to kill him with kindness instead.

After she made some lemonade she walked into the garage, sweetly handing it to the boys and giving Eddie the kindest smile she could muster up. He looked at it like it was poison, shaking his head and turning away- stopping abruptly when she placed a hand on his arm.

"But I made it for you.. Eddie." She batted her eyelashes at him.

He raised his eyebrows and gave her an amused smile.

"Awe.. all for me, hun? Too bad your effort was wasted." He grabbed the cup from her and set it down.

She pursed her lips and scowled up at him, crossing her arms across her chest and pouting when he laughed at her and turned away.

"Hey guys, me and Julia are gonna go skating tomorrow if you wanna come?" Gareth offered.

Her jaw dropped as she glared at her cousin, stomach twisting as Eddie mischievously smirked at her.

"You know, I would LOVE to go Gareth." He said as he packed his guitar away in its case.

Her lips turned down, suddenly wanting to come up with an excuse as to why she can't go.

"Great! I'll see you guys tomorrow around 1?"

The boys agreed in unison and Eddie walked toward her, reaching to grab a cord.

"I hope you don't think this is a date, Rosy. As fucking if." He whispered in her ear before pulling away, waving to the boys as he trotted to his van.

The entire ride to the roller skating rink was agonizing. She felt like she wanted to throw up, dreading the moment she would have to be around Eddie again. She drove as slow as she could, though that didn’t help. Eddie was already rolling his eyes the moment she walked in, Gareth's arm over her shoulders and laughing at something Jeff had said.

She took a deep breath before walking right up to him.

“You skated before, Eddie?” She asked sweetly.

He snorted at her.

“Plenty of times, have YOU skated before, Rosy?” He raised one eyebrow at her, watching a light blush creep across her face.

“Plenty.” She mumbled before going over to the roller skate counter.

She hung around Jeff most of the time. He’d never been skating before and she had offered to help him, slinging his arm around her shoulders to keep him steady. Eddie had come up behind her, ripping the now lilac bow from her hair and cackling when she almost lost your balance. She mouthed a “fuck you” as he smirked, skating backwards as he flipped her off.

“What’s his deal? Jeez.” Jeff mumbled, wobbling before steadying himself on her shoulder.

She shrugged as her eyes stayed on Eddie, watching as his hair flew around with each sharp turn he took, going up to younger kids and scaring the shit out of them.

She got distracted talking with Jeff, giggling at a story he told her of when Gareth got mad and stabbed his snare drum with his drumstick last summer.

“I never knew he could ever get so mad-“

Eddie came up behind her, knocking his skate behind hers and making her fall down. Jeff almost fell down with her but managed to catch her arm fast enough so her head didn’t hit the floor.

“Eddie!” She shrieked, wincing as her knee cracked against the hardwood floor.

He was doubled over as he laughed before he noticed some blood soaking through her dress where her knee was. His eyes widened as he gulped.

“Rosy-” He quickly skated up to her, bending down to pull her up.

“Stop fucking calling me that!” She roughly threw his arm away from her.

His heart ached when he saw tears in her eyes, glaring at him with hate as she held onto Jeff when he pulled her up.

“Why don’t you sit down.” Jeff softly said as she winced, motioning to the tables on the other side of the barrier.

“I wanna keep skat-”

“Woah woah, absolutely not.” Eddie interjected, stepping closer to her to grab her other arm.

“I’m sorry, do I need your permission?” She spat at him, voice laced with venom.

“I've never seen her be like this..” Gareth whispered to Jeff, which Eddie heard.

His lips turned down. He deserved it, he knew, she was giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Eddie noticed a small trail of blood dripping under the hem of her dress. He ignored her protests, waving off the boys as he pulled her off the rink and over to a secluded corner. She crossed her arms when he sat her down, huffing dramatically and looking away from him.

“You’re a real meanie, you know that?” She mumbled, head still turned from him.

She let him lift her leg and pull her dress just above her knee, settling it over his lap and grabbing napkins from the middle of the table to wipe away the blood. He cringed at the wound.

“You’re a really good skater.. thought you’d catch yourself..” He mumbled as he tied his bandana around her knee, blowing his hair from his face so he could peek at her face.

“Yeah, well not when someone purposely trips me!” She faced him, eyes sad.

“Why do you hate me so much, Munson?” Her voice was low as she watched his fingers play with the bandana.

“I don’t hate you.” He sighed.

“You make fun of my dresses.”

“Yeah well, I’m full of shit. They’re really cute-”

“And you always pull my ribbons out.”

“I’ve kept each one-”

“You refused the lemonade I made for you-”

“I took it home, Rosy.”

She looked at him with shock, eyebrows pinching in confusion.

“You’re really mean to me.” She flatly said.

“And I thought I actually liked you. You used to be kind of nice to me in our writing class.” Her voice was barely audible.

Eddie choked on his spit as his eyes widened at her.

“I.. fuck. Really?”

She didn’t respond.

“I guess I was trying to push aside a little crush that was forming…? I was drowning in denial. I mean, you get attention from so many people- why would I bother crushing over someone that wouldn’t return those feelings.” He ran a hand through hair hair, puffing out a breath of air.

“You’re more stupid than I thought.” She jeered.

“Ouch.” He nervously laughed.

She stared at him, eyes glazed over as he pulled the purple ribbon from his pocket.

“I’ll stop being a brat now, okay? I’m sorry. Really, I am.” He looked at her with those big brown eyes.

She wanted to stay mad at him but couldn’t ignore the flutter in her chest. She chewed the inside of her lip as she looked back, trying to find any sincerity, and there was.

“A crush, huh?” She smirked, giggling at the way he rolled his eyes and turned his head away from her.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Eddie playfully dismissed her before grinning.

“I’ll give this back-” he held up the ribbon “when you let me take you on a date.”

“Pffft.. seriously? As fucking if..” She narrowed her eyes, mocking what he had said a day prior and hiding a smile as he pouted.

“Okay, I deserved that.” He nudged her shoulder playfully before moving her leg so he could take off his skates and stand up. “Anywhere you want, Princess.”

“Well, seeing how you stained my new dress, I don’t wanna walk around like this.” She pointed down to the bright crimson stain.

“I’ll buy you a new one. Let’s go.” He held out a hand and nudged his head toward the exit.

She looked at him in disbelief.

“Eddie, you don’t need to buy me a new dre-”

“I want to, you always look so cute in them.” He shyly smiled at her as he bent down and took her skates off. “Forgot about these.” He mumbled.

Eddie helped her stand, frowning when she winced as she put weight on her injured knee.

“Oh no.. looks like I have to carry you.” He grinned.

“Absolutely not!” She pushed his arms away when he went to swoop her up and struggled against his grip.

“Okay, either you let me carry you..or…” he looked into her eyes, faces only inches apart. “Or.. you let me kiss you.” He blurted out, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Her mouth fell open, heat spreading across her face and to her ears.

“Wha- what!? That’s..” She sputtered.

“You have about 5 seconds to decide or I’ll decide for you.” He mischievously grinned down at her.

She gaped, eyes shifting between his eyes and lips before he dipped his head down and deeply kissed her, pulling back with a loud smack sound. He softly smiled as he nudged his nose against hers before standing up straight.

“I choose both.” He nodded matter of factly.

Her eyes were wide in shock, unable to speak as he swooped her up.

“Your chariot awaits, Princess!”

“E-Eddie!” She smacked at his arm and wriggled around. “Our shoes!!”

[spine-buster]

So High School ft. Adam Cole | Chapter 7

A/N: Back from a little hiatus! Won't be posting every week as work has started up again and chapters need to be written, but this is something I'm determined to finish! Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think :)

It had been almost a month since Violet saw Austin.  She’d had an amazing break – a Christmas where she got Starbucks gift cards, a new tennis racquet, a digital camera from her aunt in Toronto, and a white MacBook from her parents to replace her clunky desktop in her room; a New Year’s skiing in Whistler her family; and a flight back to Philadelphia with an email from St. Anne’s to her parents that she had aced all her midterms.  Despite all her good fortune, she couldn’t help but be constantly reminded of the last thing that happened between them before she ran off into her house.

The kiss.

Was it a mistake?  She wasn’t entirely sure.  Most of the time, she didn’t think it was.  It was what she wanted to do in that moment.  Plus, he had kissed her back.  He hadn’t pulled away before her.  That must have meant it was what he wanted in that moment too, right?  It occupied her mind more than she wanted to admit, and not exactly at the most opportune times, either: during her AP Government midterm when she was trying to remember the specifics of the Bill of Rights; during her AP French midterm when trying to compose a paragraph about the novella they’d read in class; at dinner with her parents at a restaurant in Whistler after a day of skiing. 

It wasn’t like they’d gone radio silent, though.  They had texted.  Violet started it.

[12/25/2006] 10:52am merry christmas 2 u and ur family austin! <3

 [12/25/2006] 10:55am

merry christmas 2 u too. hope ur midterms were good

[12/28/2006] 7:24am off 2 whistler 4 me & the fam!

[12/28/2006] 8:01am

have a safe flight

when r u back?

[12/28/2006] 8:05am jan 5

[1/1/2007] 12:05am dunno if u will get this but happy new year! i’m so happy we became friends this year :-)

[1/1/2007] 12:05am

happy new year, vi

dunno if u will get this cuz ur in canada

hope we can spend more time 2gether this year

[1/3/2007] 4:17pm

miss u vi

can’t wait 2 c u when ur back

[1/5/2006] 8:50pm just landed in philly! such a long travel day just got ur texts from the week i missed u 2 i’ll c u monday on the bus right?

[1/5/2007] 8:55pm

welcome back!

i just got ur text too

of course u will

can’t wait

***

Violet was basically vibrating in her seat for how excited she was to see Austin on the bus the first Monday morning back at school.  She didn’t even care to get back to St. Anne’s, and that was shocking for her to say, because she genuinely liked school – she only wanted to see him.  She wondered if he was as excited to see her as she was to see him.

When he finally climbed on the bus, a smile automatically spread across her face, large and wide and excited.  When he got sight of her, an identical smile spread across his face.  He rushed over to her, and without knowing what her body was going to do next, she got up from her seat.  They hugged each other forcefully, like people who hadn’t seen each other in months or years.  “I missed you,” were the first words out of Austin’s mouth.

“I missed you too,” she repeated, pulling away from the hug so they could settle into their usual seats.  She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.  God, he even smelled good.  She could smell his cologne even through his coat and layers of clothing.  “You have to tell me all about your break.  How was it?”

“My break?  My break was boring.  I stayed home and played video games all day.  What about your break?  I want to hear all about it.”

Violet couldn’t hold back as she spent the entire bus ride into Lancaster telling Austin all about her break.  The flight to Toronto then Vancouver, then the car to Whistler; skiing down Whistler and Blackcomb Mountains day after day; staying at the cutest ski chalet; having dinner at restaurants in the village.  Austin ate up every word, barely even blinking as she spoke on and on.  He missed the sound of her voice.  He missed how glossy her brown hair was.  He missed seeing her red nails.  He missed everything about her and he was so fucking happy to have her back in Manheim. 

Violet kept yapping even as they got off the bus and walked towards Lancaster West.  She was telling him some story about almost crashing into some woman while skiing before she stopped dead in her tracks.  “Oh my god, I almost forgot!  I got you something!” she exclaimed.

“You what?” Austin asked, watching her as she swung her backpack around.

“My mom and I went into this consignment store while we were shopping one day in Whistler, and I saw something that reminded me completely of you—”

“—Vi, what are you even—”

“—And so I just had to buy it!  Look!” she exclaimed.

Austin watched as she dug through the small pocket of her backpack, only to pull out action figures, still in their packaging.  Except it wasn’t just any old action figures, and it wasn’t just regular packaging – the action figures were of Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock, two of his favourite wrestlers, and the packaging made it known that they were exclusive Wrestlemania X-7 editions.  His favourite wrestlers for his favourite match – the one that really made him want to be a wrestler in the first place.  “You didn’t,” he deadpanned, thoroughly shocked.

“I don’t know if I can even call them vintage because they’re only, like, four years old,” she said.  “But, well—do you even like Stone Cold and The Rock?”

He couldn’t believe the coincidence.  The happenstance.  What were the chances?  “They’re my favourite.  They—Vi—this match at this Wrestlemania is the reason why I even want to become a wrestler.”

Violet’s eyes lit up.  “No way!”

“I can’t believe you found something like this!”

“I’m glad you like it.”

Austin hugged her.  Just wrapped his arms around her quickly, and tightly, and hugged her like she’d just brought him the Holy Grail or something.  Physical contact between the two of them in front of Lancaster West.  “You’re the best, you know that?” he asked.

“I’m really not.  It’s just something that made me think of you.  And like, I know how much wrestling means to you.”

Austin didn’t want to pull away from the hug.  He didn’t even want to go to school anymore.  All he wanted to do was ditch and spend the whole day with Violet.  They’d talk all day.  He’d talk to her more about pro wrestling and how he envisioned his future.  He’d tell her his entire plan.  Maybe he’d get to kiss her again.  “Thank you.  Thank you so much, Violet,” he settled on saying instead. 

“You’re welcome,” she smiled.  She didn’t pull away.

___

“And next on the announcement docket, Lancaster West will be hosting the regional basketball quarterfinals this Friday after classes as their team faces off against the visitors, Murray High School from Elizabethtown.  Students from Lancaster West will be in the cafeteria all this week selling tickets for $10.”

___

“Austin’s friends will be there too, right?” Harper asked.

“We don’t want to be your guys’ third and fourth wheel,” Abigail winked playfully.

“Shut up,” Violet smirked at them.  “Yes, his friends will be with us.  I think it’ll be really fun.  What about our ride after?”

“My cousin says she has no problem driving you back to Manheim if it’s dark cause we decide to do something after.  Your parents are allowing you to stay out, right?”

“Curfew’s at midnight.”

___

Violet applied her mascara in one of the girls’ washrooms at St. Anne’s with butterflies in her stomach.  Her, Harper, Abigail, and Abigail’s older cousin Serena were getting ready together before walking over to Lancaster West for the basketball game.  Austin was going to meet them with his friends before they watched the game.  “Does it look good?” she asked, looking at Harper for validation.

Harper stopped applying her lip gloss momentarily.  “Looks great, Violet.  Makes your eyes pop.”

In grade 9, Harper was the first person to compliment Violet on her heterochromia and how it looked so cool, making her much less self-conscious about it.  Since then, she hadn’t worried as much whether people got weirded out by it, and wasn’t as scared to apply makeup that highlighted her eyes.  “Thanks.  Can I borrow your lip gloss?”

“Trying to look good for Austin?”

“No,” Violet deadpanned, but couldn’t help the smirk that overtook her face.  She’d already told Abigail and Harper this past week about the kiss before Christmas Break.  They sounded like guinea pigs as they squealed about it, and were totally excited about something, anything happening with Austin since Violet spoke so highly of him.  It was a night and day difference compared to what she had to go through before midterms.  Thank God she had Abigail and Harper on her side during all of it.  “But…is my outfit okay?”

Jeans and a Hollister top – was there anything else teens were wearing?  “You look good, don’t worry.”

As Violet took out her digital camera and took a candid photo of everyone in the mirror getting ready, she felt her phone buzz from inside her Coach wristlet in-between her legs.  Once she took it out, she saw the text from Austin.  R u guys on ur way? gym is already filling up.  “Let’s finish up and then let’s go!  We’re going to be late!” she announced to everyone. 

Only a few minutes later, they had their coats on and were out the door, hurrying towards Lancaster West.  There were teachers taking their tickets once they got into the front entrance, and Violet could see Austin waiting with his friends in the foyer.  When he saw her, he smiled, and a shiver ran down her spine.  The first thing they did when they got close was hug.  They were the only two that knew each other, but it was becoming more of an automatic reflex now than an action that required any thought.  After Austin made quick introductions to his friends Trevor, Jack, and Connor, they made their way to the makeshift concession stands for some popcorn. 

“You look really nice by the way,” Austin said to her quietly as they stood in line with so many other students.  Abigail, Harper, and Serena were already in conversation with Trevor, Jack, and Connor since Serena was wearing a Fall Out Boy tee, so Austin felt it was a good opportunity to say it now.

“Thanks,” Violet couldn’t help but blush.  “You think it’ll be packed in there?”

“Oh God yeah.  Basically our whole school is here.”

A small part of her wondered if they’d see Beth.  She knew a lot of girls were at the game too, because St. Anne’s girls went to school events for any school where there were boys.  She almost wanted to ask, but she didn’t want to know the answer.  She stayed silent as Austin ordered popcorns for everyone, but she swept in and paid for them before he could reach for his wallet since he bought the St. Anne’s girls their tickets.  She made sure to take out her digital camera to take pictures and document the night – everybody hammed it up for the camera, which was amazing and made for some great photos.  When they made their way into the gym, Violet was shocked by how packed it was, and how loud it was.  They climbed the bleacher stairs and almost reached the top until Connor saw some of their other friends and made everybody scoot their way in.  There were so many people already that everything was tight.  And, well, Austin wanted to make sure Violet didn’t slip or trip or fall, so he placed his hands on her hips as they wiggled their way through, leading the way.  When he saw her trying to hide her smile, he knew he’d done the right thing.  Violet gave her camera to someone who took a few great group shots of them, and when she looked at them on her camera’s screen, all she could look at was Austin’s smile and his arm around her waist.

There was so much energy in the room when the basketball teams came out, but there was more energy between Austin and Violet that either thought possible.  They were loud and screaming during the first and second quarter, with every basket garnering cheers from the crowd.  But then Violet would brush up against him.  Or their hands would touch as they raised in the air after a three-pointer.  Or she’d lose her balance on the bleachers and he’d have to put his hands on her waist to keep her steady.  A smile would appear on her face, and then a smile would appear on his face, and it was like everything was meant to be; like they weren’t supposed to be anywhere else besides Lancaster West High on a Friday night cheering on a basketball team in the regional quarter finals.

During the half-time, the gym was still buzzing but everybody was moving around, rushing to the bathroom or going to get more popcorn.  Austin could see a lot of his teachers around, and some even brought their spouses or kids.  Harper and Jack had escaped to “go get some more popcorn”.  Abigail and Serena had seen some other girls from St. Anne’s and went to talk to them, and Trevor and Connor followed them like puppies.  Violet was talking to him about what they could do after the game.

And then Austin saw her.  Beth.

She was staring directly at him and it almost instantly made him feel unsettled.  But then he realized she wasn’t actually staring at him, more so that she was staring at Violet, which only made him more unsettled.

“—Anyway, all I know is we can’t go to Livvy Eaton’s party.”

“Why not?” he asked, focusing his attention back on her.

“I know Beth will be there,” Violet revealed.  “I really don’t want to see her.  I know she’s here tonight and I’m happy I haven’t caught her yet.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Austin said.  “She’s just jealous of you.”

“I’ve managed to avoid her at school all week,” she said.  “Has she—has she still been texting you?”

“I don’t know.  Jack showed me how to block her number.  But even if he hadn’t I’d just be ignoring her.”

“You mean you don’t want the ego boost of a constant barrage of texts to hook up with you?” Violet joked.

“No,” his tone was serious but he said it with a small smile, “I have everything I want right here.”

Violet stopped.  Her smile left her face once she heard the words, but upon her actual understanding of what he was saying, she smiled again.

He didn’t ask.  Maybe he should have but he didn’t.  But as they sat on the bleachers waiting for the second half of the game to start, he kissed her.  It was quick, just like last time, but it was the same as the kiss before Christmas: the other responded, which meant the other wanted it too.  Now they each had one kiss to their name.  When he pulled away, Violet was already smiling.  “Was that okay?” he asked.

Violet had been rendered speechless.  All she could do was nod.

With little warning, Abigail and Serena came back.  Harper and Jack came back and Harper asked to borrow Violet’s lip gloss.  The timer expired and both teams made their way back onto the court, with the crowd going wild when the Lancaster West boys came out.  The gym was just as loud as it was in the first half after every basket made.  Violet would still brush up against him.  Their hands would still touch as they raised them in the air after a three-pointer.  The giant crowd would stomp their feet to intimidate the Elizabethtown players during free throws and it was so forceful it would shake the bleachers.  Violet would get nervous and lose her balance but Austin was always there with his hands on her hips to steady her.  He’d leave them there a couple seconds too long.  Eventually, they stayed there.  A giant smile was on Violet’s face the entire time, and a giant smile was on his face the entire time, and when it was all said and done, Lancaster West High beat Elizabethtown Central 78-70.

***

The group didn’t end up going to any St. Anne’s party – Connor was able to wiggle his (and their) way in to the party with the basketball team, at the point guard’s house in Lititz.  It was a bit crazy considering the big win, but everybody was having fun and getting along.  Josephine Kominsky made it to the party, along with some other girls Violet got along with (who wouldn’t want to be partying with the winning team?), and Beth wasn’t in sight, so she was happy.  She appointed herself to be the official photographer and got so many good shots of everyone.  But the best ones she got were of her and Austin, who only left her side to get her drinks.  They were much more touchy-feely than before, than even the game.  Harper and Abigail got along great with Austin, which made Violet even happier.  They talked and joked for so much of the party, despite her and Austin not being able to stop being close and touching one another. 

Inevitably, part of the conversation shifted to college talk.  Now that they’d gotten their midterms, their guidance counselors had been setting up appointments all week to speak about colleges and programs in preparation for next year.  Violet explained how her guidance counselor called her in to confirm her UPenn, Georgetown, or Boston University for speech language therapy. 

“Does Lancaster West do that, too?” Abigail asked innocently.

Austin and Connor both chuckled.  “I don’t think I’ve seen my guidance counselor since the first few weeks of freshman year,” Austin revealed.

“And the only reason I see mine is because he’s also the baseball coach,” Connor added.  “He can brag that he’s trying to get me  a scholarship to Temple for it.”

“Ours have, like, lists of colleges, programs, residences, scholarships – oh my God, and we can’t forget alumni – everything in these binders and on their computers,” Abigail went on.

“So what would yours say?” Connor asked.

“Bryn Mawr for pre-med.”

“That’s it?”

“I’m a legacy there, so yeah,” she chuckled.  Life was so easy when you were a legacy.  “What would yours say?”

“Temple or Penn State.  Baseball scholarship.  Economics.  You?” he nodded towards Harper.

“UPenn, NYU, or Brown for pre-law,” Harper revealed.  “You?” she nodded towards Austin.

Violet held her breath slightly.  She knew he didn’t want a lot of people knowing about the pro-wrestling ambitions.  It was a very personal thing for him.  That’s why she was shocked as ever when all he responded with was, “Pro wrestling.”

She watched as Abigail and Harper furrowed their brows in confusion.  “You mean like Olympic wrestling?” Abigail asked.

Leave it to Abigail to have the exact same reaction that Violet did in Francesco’s when Austin first told her.  Violet couldn’t hold in her smile, especially after the quick eye contact Austin made with her.  St. Anne’s girls were so alike.  “No, not Olympic wrestling,” Austin clarified.  “Pro wrestling.  Like the kind on TV.”

He was displaying confidence on the outside, but on the inside, Austin was scared as hell.  He’d just revealed one of his biggest secrets – one that was very, very much out of the ordinary for so many of his friends who were thinking about college, let alone private school girls whose only option it was to go to college.  Not to mention that Harper and Abigail were Violet’s best friends.  He wanted to impress them, he really did, because he knew how girls worked.  If they didn’t like him or thought he was a dud, they’d let Violet know about it. 

When it clicked for the girls what he meant, both their jaws dropped.  “No.  Fucking.  Way,” Harper deadpanned.

“That is sooooo awesome!” Abigail followed up.

Austin let out the breath he was holding.  So did Violet.  She knew the girls would be like her, and have a similar reaction as when she was told, but it was still a big moment.  “You’re gonna be on TV?!” Harper asked.

“That’s the dream,” Austin smiled.  “There’s a lot of training involved first, but—”

“That is honestly the coolest thing I’ve ever heard,” Abigail interrupted innocently, looking to Violet.  “Seriously!  How many people can say they know a famous pro wrestler?  How many people can say they know someone on TV?!”

Harper went on and on about how much her younger brothers loved wrestling.  Abigail asked Austin all about the wrestling team at Lancaster West and if that was good training for what he would have to do on TV one day.  They were so incredibly genuine, Violet wanted to cry.  Instead, she smiled the entire time – smiled as Austin nodded along to all the pro wrestlers Harper could name thanks to her brothers, smiled as Austin answered all of Abigail’s questions, smiled as she could see the twinkle in his eye as he knew he was winning them over by just being himself.

***

Since Lititz was only a ten minute drive to Manheim, the group stayed extra late before Violet, Austin, Connor, and Serena piled into Serena’s car to get home for curfew.  Serena dropped Connor off first, then asked Austin where he lived. 

“Serena, can you actually go to The Berries first?” Violet asked.

“I thought you lived in The Berries,” Serena furrowed her brows from the driver’s seat.

“I do.  Can you just drop us both off at the corner?”

Violet could see Serena smirk.  “As long as you promise me you won’t get your tongues frozen on a pole.  I don’t want a lawsuit.”

Serena did as she was told.  Austin didn’t really know why Violet had requested it, but he had a hunch.  “I never thought I’d be able to get three St. Anne’s girls excited about pro-wrestling,” he joked as he watched Violet watch Serena drive down the street.

When Serena’s car was out of sight, Violet turned towards Austin.  She had a look in her eyes he could see right away.  It took maybe half a second for her to get close to him.  No words were said, because both knew what was going to happen.  Each had one kiss, so now both had to get another.  They were standing under a streetlight.

When they kissed each other, Austin knew he hadn’t felt anything like this before.  He’d kissed other girls, sure, but none of them could hold a candle to what he was currently feeling kissing Violet in the middle of winter under a streetlight in Manheim.  Violet, too, hadn’t felt anything like this before.  She’d kissed other boys, sure, but none of them could even compare to what she was currently feeling as she kissed Austin at the corner of her street under a streetlight in their small town.  A part of her thought she was in a movie; that this wasn’t her life and that maybe it was somebody else’s.  But when he kept kissing her, and she kept kissing him, she realized that yes, this was her life.  It wasn’t just a single kiss anymore, given before midterms or during the intermission of a high school basketball game.  There were many kisses now, big and small and everything in between, kiss after kiss after kiss as she felt Austin’s hands on her waist through her coat, pulling her closer to him. 

Neither of them knew how long they’d been kissing for, but when they finally pulled away, it was only so they could catch their breath.  Violet looked into Austin’s blue eyes, their breath visible in the crisp night air.  “That was okay, right?” she asked.

“God yeah,” he responded.  “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his admission.  “Don’t say a word.”

“Don’t worry.  I won’t.”

“Our secret?”

“Our secret.”

Austin was about to go in for another kiss when an alarm started going off on Violet’s BlackBerry Pearl.  Her eyes widened.  “Oh my God.  I gotta go.  That’s my two minute warning.”

“Violet—”

“—I’ve gotta go—”

“Vi—”

She had wiggled out from his grasp.  He was desperate for one more kiss, but she was already down the street.  “Safe run home!” she called back to him without stopping.

He stood under the streetlight, dumbstruck.

***

Austin was already in his hospital gown and gurney, trying not to pay attention to the work around him that the nurses and others were doing to prep the surgery.  Violet was still beside him, holding his hands.  “It’ll just be a few more moments, Mr. Jenkins,” one of them said. 

 “Take all the time you need,” he said.  He was scheduled for a 9:00am surgery and it was still only 8:45. 

He could feel Violet squeeze his hand.  “Don’t be nervous,” she whispered.  “It’s going to be fine and—”

Before she could finish her sentence, the door to the room opened and Dr. Bridges walked through.  “It’s time, Austin.”

Austin looked over to Violet.  “I’m gonna  be in the waiting room,” she whispered.

“I love you.”

She leaned down to kiss him.  “No matter how much I say I love you, I always love you more than that,” she said before standing up, making eye contact with Dr. Bridgers.   “Take good care of him.”

“Oh, I will.”

“You don’t want to have to answer to her.  Trust me,” Austin quipped as he was pushed out of the room.  “She’ll get ya.”

Violet made her way to a seat in the waiting room, one close to an outlet.  She opened her messages app and began composing a message about him being in surgery to the most important people:  his parents.  His brother.  Her parents.  Kyle.  Chris.  Kenny and Hazel.  The Massies.  Harper.  Abigail.

And now, she waited.

[windienine]

hello!

you said to ask about Chuubo’s so um, here I am!

I have pitched Chuubo’s to my primary playgroup and when the time opens up we’re going to at least start session zeroing a few arcs of Glass Dragon. Which leads me to my questions:

1: how long did the prep for your OneShot episode take? How does that compare to like, usual session zeroing?

2: the things my playgroup knows about Chuubo’s are a collection of my incoherent excited screeches about how cool/strange the world is, that it’s diceless, and that it’s roleplay heavy with a greater emphasis on knowing the ending then they’re used to. Two of my players are into it, one is hesitant, and my maybe player is politely resistant to premade characters with premade arcs. How would you suggest introducing the system to new players?

3: any general HGing tips?

This might be less “in the weeds” than you were hoping. I would love to discuss lore when I have a campaign properly going.

the oneshot podcast episodes were a project put together with a series of people who run, play, and design games for a living. putting together your first session with friends is going to have different prep time, prep needs for individual players, and different overall scaffolding. APs take a different manner of prep than RPG sessions played with friends. however: i planned the general premise of the campaign beforehand over the course of a week and made up new quests between sessions. i had a roughly hour-long session zero with the players before our first recorded episode. in a regular session with friends i'd probably take more time to get them acquainted with the world and read through their playbooks with them, probably with more hands-on examples of how to play, and i'd mostly stick to the quests in gmd rather than make up my own quests wholesale to start with.

for my part i try to introduce the setting, premise, and characters first, and only use a basic framework of mechanics for the first little while. let players focus on accumulating experience points (and literal experience) before throwing the whole kitchen sink at them. my general advice is give them their quests, and let them futz around taking XP actions and stumbling into quest goals and develop a dynamic with each other before throwing any real obstacles into the mix. let them play. if someone doesn't seem into it during session zero/session one, i don't know if you'll get them to pull through for a longform campaign.

talk out scenes beforehand. ask players what they want out of a given scene (characters they want involved, xp goals they want to hit, etc.) and provide scaffolding for it, and if they have no ideas, provide some options for them until they get the hang of coming up with scene ideas on their own. let players explore around and interact with the world. try to keep scenes 30 minutes long or shorter, if you can, to start with (scene bloat is real and preventable). it's okay to end a scene and then decide what kind of xp action it counted as after the fact. take lots of breaks. talk about what you liked about a scene after the fact, if that makes you feel good. keep things quick, light, and casual. this isn't an exam, you're not being graded. have fun.

[revols-headcanons]

dipper and mabel: piedmont life

also this is borderline a fanfic but i have no motivation or peer pressure to actually write one. also warning there are OC’s in this post. this is potentially part 1 of a series?

both of them are autistic but in different ways. dipper is a “i am so insecure of my place in the world that I can immediately notice when there’s a dip in a conversation because of me” who would rather be alone then face social rejection. mabel is a “i think im really good with people because i am so unaware of social cues that i think everyone is being nice to me” who learned how to tell fake vs true niceness.

neither of them were diagnosed as kids, and how they both figured out was due to mabel helping the disabled classroom at her school and noticing similar habits and thought process from them. then dipper did research and they were like “oh okay that makes sense.”

in their sophomore year of high school, they both had identity crisis’ but in different ways: dipper became an overly cocky ‘too cool for anyone’ loner while mabel had a raging emo phase. both of them became deeply embarrassed of those phases the second they got out of them.

in their 8th grade english class, they did a duo project where they explained their entire summer (the prompt was to tell a fantasy three act story). dipper did the reading while mabel did the visuals (aka one of those pop up books but bigger and with her sound effects). their teacher asked them where their vivid imaginations came from and they told some excuse about being bored all summer.

their parents (who i am naming ingrid and robert) are (rightfully) pissed and confused when their kids start showing major symptoms of ptsd and depression. stan has literally no excuse for it and the twins keep dodging the questions.

ingrid is a anxious, stuck up mother who prioritizes education while robert is the relaxed father who expects the world but refuses to give help or support. let’s just say the twins don’t stay home as much. especially after the disaster the first week at home was when the twins brought waddles home.

after the summer, mabel gets into the trivia club and also tries out the science/engineering/robotics club (she also plays soccer, golf, and volleyball). her arts and crafts skills become incredibly useful when making a wooden structure with the purpose of finding the exact angle and falling distance for a marble. meanwhile dipper decides to try out for both track and football (he’s also in photography club and the school newspaper). dipper is the weakest member on the football team, but he’s the quickest runningback they’ve ever had, so the team doesn’t bully him too much for it. he’s consistently in the top 5 for his school during track.

mabel’s first high school friend is a black girl in her robotics club named aubrey. aubrey has adhd and has basically the same hobbies as mabel (i.e: karaoke, shopping, dancing, art). her second friend she meets at theater auditions (for the school musical, into the woods) where mabel watches her do a 10/10 audition performance and compliments her. she is south asian and named kamini, and her interests consist of theater, soccer, and english. her third friend ends up being the emo loner boy that she talks to on the first day. he’s latino and his name is dante. his hobbies consist of skateboarding, karaoke, and video games.

dipper’s first friend ends up being the younger brother of the football team captain, which is what makes the team stop bullying him. his friend is this kind of egotistical, yet himbo nerd of a dude named ethan— who’s a white boy with blond hair and freckles. ethan is interested in soccer and track as well as trivia, and they met during orientation week when they were the only two kids being ignored for the track club. dipper’s second friend comes from his ap english class, where he watched them cuss out someone for trying to harass a girl in the class. they’re asian and non binary and they go by paine. they like chess, english, and dnd, which is why dipper gets along with them so well.

dipper is able to convince ethan and paine to start a dnd session together, with dipper as dungeon master.

mabel eventually forces dipper into joining the program and dipper agrees to be backstage crew. it works out fine until they realize that their play has an unusually low tryout for men so mabel begs him to tryout for a lead role. he gets it because the programs desperate. he ends up playing either percy or grover in the lightning thief, and mabel gets casted as clarisse/katie/etc.

mabel loves taylor swift (specifically red, 1989, and lover) and also doja cat. she dabbles in ariana grande and marina from time to time as well. dipper has nightmares when he hears mabel, aubrey, and dante singing karaoke for first time.

dipper listens to cavetown and mitski mainly before paine and ethan lightly bully him into listening to the arctic monkeys and gorillaz. he creates aesthetic playlists for when he’s monster/creature hunting. neither of his friends believe him when he describes super natural things until (on two separate occasions) he shows them videos of gravity falls shenanigans and when they run into anomalies in piedmont.

mabel ends up getting a crush on ethan and then dipper has that tragic disaster to deal with.

dipper gets a minor crush on kamini before he learns that she views him as this cute little thing to watch but not dateable.

due to dipper’s boost in confidence, girls notice him and try to ask him out. he gets really flustered and confused, especially when girls who bullied him suddenly want to be with him. he rejects them all.

mabel realizes she’s bisexual when she gets a crush on aubrey and has a mental breakdown about it. she confesses, aubrey says that she doesn’t like the concept of dating at all, mabel takes the rejection decently, and they continue being the best of friends.

mabel gets jokingly asked out by a football boy and then dipper gets so pissed off he punches the dude in the face (mabel had no time to react, because if she did, she would’ve also joined the fight). a fist fight ensues, they both get suspended, and no one messes with mabel ever again.

mabel ends up befriending nearly everyone due to how kind and considerate she is. even girls who hated her from middle school soften because of her. she is a god.

most people are neutral towards dipper due to how he doesn’t really initiate social interactions, but that’s how he likes it.

dipper is an avid buzzfeed unsolved fan while mabel watches danny gonzales, drew goodman, etc.

dipper is trans. he realized he was trans when he was like 8, and he’s been a boy since. he was mainly bullied for being trans, but ever since he got confident, learned how to kick ass, and started taking testosterone, people have left him alone. also his name ‘mason,’ he specifically chose to appease his parents (who wanted two twins with ‘m’ starting names that had 5 letters each), but he goes by dipper because that’s the name he would’ve actually chosen.

the twins have separate rooms at their parents house, but they keep accidentally passing out on each other’s floors (or on mabel’s beanbag, or at dipper’s desk). their parents ask why all of a sudden and the twins say they just got closer over the summer. they would never admit it’s because sleeping in the same room as someone who experienced the same trauma is relieving.

mabel constantly calls grenda and candy, reassuring them that while she also loves aubrey and kamini, that her gravity falls friends will always be her favorites.

robert’s favorite child is mabel because, although he has unfair expectations of them, he gives mabel excuses because she’s more art and people focused, while he’s overly harsh on dipper. ingrid’s favorite is dipper because he also likes puzzles, board games, and higher education, while she looks down upon mabel for being childish and irresponsible.

dipper refuses to give any explanation for having wendy’s hat instead of a normal cap. theories range from ‘he has a girlfriend’ to ‘he murdered a man for it.’ he also cried when a bully threw it in the trash once.

the twins have a bet for whoever becomes the tallest by the time they enter the mystery shack the next summer: whoever’s taller gets to pawn their summer chores off onto the other one for the whole summer. mabel gets at least 8 hours of sleep a night to help herself (though her diet is wack) while dipper eats a lot of height-growing food items to help himself (though he’s never had a consistent sleep schedule in his life).

[bballlvr8]

BBALLLVR8'S THOUGHTS ON PRESEASON AP POLL 6-10

6. Notre Dame- Brings back their PG Olivia Miles who is going to completely change the dynamic in the way that notre dame played last year, gives hannah the opportunity to be off the ball. The only reason I feel that they aren't higher is because they have two big losses. For at least a few weeks in the beginning of the season Maddy Westbeld will not be playing, they won't have Kylee Watson at the beginning of the season and KK Bransford is redshirting so they have some pretty big losses. - I would have actually put them lower lol.

7. LSU- My problem with LSU is they are so guard heavy it makes no sense. I also never see much success with teams whose whole roster is basically transfers.. I actually would have put them lower. ADR does not move me as the center..i hope she put in heavy work during the offseason. I just don't see the hype with this team at all..

8. Iowa State- Audi is the truth, a lot of their squad from last year returned and I thought they were a great team last year. - I think 8 is a good rating.

9. NC State- I am actually shocked that they are this low, they bring a great freshman in Zam Jones, pretty much has the same core as last year with the exclusion of River Baldwin. They will definitely be playing with a chip on their shoulder, cause honestly I would have them above LSU.

10. Oklahoma- TBH I don't know much about their players, I felt that Oklahoma did show great promise during the season last year, and with the addition of Raegan Beers, I feel that 10 is good for them.

[hotcheetohatredwastaken]

7 & 10 or perish

7. Share a line/paragraph/snippet that you were especially proud of.

Okay so I love this chapter just for the fact that everything I've been setting up for 200,000+ words culminates in here (but this section I've chosen also should reveal nothing heu heu heu). Also @needfantasticstories complemented the wording of one of the sentences, and I seeing my work through another's eyes really makes me appreciate it? If you know what I'm saying? But yeah, I wrote this during the poetry section of my AP Literature class in high school, if you couldn't tell by my gratuitous use of alliteration, semicolons, and parallel sentence structure.

[Have I posted this before? I hope I haven't DX I am very proud of it. If I have let me know and I'll try to find something else]

Wild stepped into the ornate church. High stone ceilings flew overhead, lined with stained glass windows—depictions of their Golden Goddess—that sent shattered slivers of light dancing along the cold stone floor. Rows upon rows of lowly stone pews stood in ordered procession on either side of the walkway, stretching all the way to the raised platform at the front of the cathedral. A great statue, so unlike the one that he knew, loomed over it all. The Hylia he knew had hair of flowering vine, and robes of majestic moss; this one's every strand was spun of gold, this one's every fold formed of ivory. His Hylia’s face was of cracked calcite, worn down and rounded out over years of exposure to the elements; this one’s was of sharp, shining porcelain. Little gray wings he’d only ever seen tucked to her sides, like those of a Rito fledgling, were now golden and stretched out in their full glory. She did not lower her head over clasped hands in constant thought of her people, as said by her now-extinct priests; instead, her gaze was cast victoriously outwards, her hand thrust forwards like that of a sovereign, conquering queen. White rose petals drifted and fluttered gently down to lay scattered across the stone pews. They trailed after Wild, swirling around his ankles with every step, as he walked forwards in a dreamlike state to the foot of the statue. It only grew larger, more imposing, as he approached, and himself so much smaller.

10. What are your writing goals for the upcoming year?

Okay okay okay okay. Just because you asked, I'm going to end up having to write out my entire planned chapter by chapter schedule and pin it to the top of my blog, aren't I?

But for a summary, basically--right now I'm trying to finish up my Noble's Warning chapters, which will get me to through February and some of March, so that I can participate in FebWhump without juggling two projects. The Differences chapters, which are pretty much done besides a few select bits that actually need to be written, should carry me all the way to Spring Break and through. During Spring Break (cuz I'm a cringe college student) I will try to finalize enough to make it close to the Heal Chapters, which should free me up until finals are over in May/June-ish.

Summer is when things get real. That's when I'll evaluate how much of Arc 2 I have done and how much time I think I need to finish it. If I'm ahead of schedule, I'll make sure I've hit all the finishing touches for Arc 1 and start releasing chapters twice a week. If not, I'll give myself more time with the once a week updates. Plus, I want to take a break between Arc 1 and 2 just to let ya'll squirm, so that gives me at least a month, I think, depending how hard ya'll cry at me to continue. There's also a whole timeline thing there of whether I want to do flashbacks of a section or if I just wanna say F it we ball, but that's beside the point.

If I do once a week releases, I already have enough planned content for Arc 1 + the occasional Prologue pieces to get me through the entire year and then some. So yeah, that's the plan for the year :D

[danganronpafan777]

hello its nyx (on another account since my phones charging) and i have come to share more dr nyx lore points and some improvements ive made for them :3 (its been a year)

- nyx didnt join the kirasagi foundation, however they have helped in lots of kisaragi foundations missions. so they basically became the ‘replacement for members’ of the kirasagi foundation. so technically they joined kirasagi foundation without direct approval.

- nyx lives with adult mech arm nagito in post-sdra2 time period.

- both dra and sdra2 games keeps nyx’s gender a secret, so they got a bathroom in their dorm so they dont have to go to the girls / boys bathroom.

- nyx was in the future foundation’s care in post-udg and pregame dra. nyx finds kyoko to be pretty, and finds makoto to be ugly.

- nyx bought momo (their mini pomeranian dog) in pregame sdra2.

- its established that if nyx enters any of the girls or boys bathroom, they get punished by running around the school for 5 times. its specially for nyx because nyx pissed off monokuma and monocrow.

- nyx used to have long hair that reaches around the waist in udg, they got their hair cut so its around shoulder-neck length.

- if nyx sees mitch, they basically just walk away even if they have to be in that room. someone has to drag nyx back in the room.

- nyx finds rei to be ‘pretty and smart, but also the meanest mean’. and also, nyx finds tsurugi to be ‘ugly, has too strong morals, and is scary’.

- nyx was in sdra2 because the kirasagi foundation wanted them to be there. nyx just came in too early.

- nyx tried to shave mikados hair off to eat them.

- nyx is friends with haruhiko and satsuki, having a little crush on them both.

- nyx in sdra2 wants to apply for psychology major in university, but cant because they have to be with the kirasagi foundation. theyre only willing to help because teruyas there.

- nyx has a lot of knifes and guns in their closet because their father likes collecting knifes and guns.

- nyx admires kiyoka and wishes they could be as pretty and friendly as her. but they also claim that they dont wanna be ‘too pretty’.

- nyx likes to switch up on how they act around people as boredom. i guess its like junko, but its not constant. its like.. 1 week per new act. their true self is just an apathetic, yet emotional person whose insecure of their own true self.

- nyx doesnt like tight clothing, clothing thats uncomfortale around the armpit, and clothing thats considered to them ‘too close to the neck’.

Nyx and Nagito is a duo I didn’t think about but it sounds like a cool dynamic!

Nyx finding Makoto ugly lmaoo (I don’t think he’s ugly, but his hair confuses me)

Momo 🥺 Minako and Midori definitely took care of the pooch during the events in Sdra2

Running around the entire school 5 times for walking into the gendered bathroom? They fr getting the Yuki treatment goddamn

Nyx with shorter hair def suits them better :)

Mitch would be offended for a while, but eventually just accept it. This definitely helps humble him lol

Nyx summarized how half the fandom sees Tsurugi and Rei in Dra. Calling Tsurugi ugly tho is hilarious

They were put in another killing game for being at the wrong place at the wrong time? Damn…

Nikei and Teruya held him down while they did it

That’s adorable! (And based ngl) I can’t help but imagine them as part of the sunshine quartet (quintet now)

I’m actually taking AP Psychology, and it’s really cool! (Lots of memorizing and writing tho) Teruya, and surprisingly Rei, would hound Tsurugi to give them time off for them to study and do what they like.

“Name something a burglar would not want to see when he breaks into a house.”

Nyx is already beautiful and friendly, and Kiyoka wouldn’t hesitate to tell them so

Changing personalities each week is a mood, and Teruya would def just vibe with it

As for tight clothing, I honestly feel the same way tbh

Thank you for sharing, and hope you have a great day or night! 😄

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week?

Absolute Power #4 - Boring, half-assed ending to a boring, half-assed event. Waid probably played as best a game as possible with the hand he was dealt - keeping in mind that Snyder, King, and Taylor were all asked to write this event and none of them could crack it - but my judgement isn't softened by the circumstances. Waller sucked as a villain, the Amazos and Failsafe were boring, and this entire event felt like a dash to wipe the slate clean. Waid shamelessly recycles the same crap he’s been doing since Underworld Unleashed where people’s powers get swapped/buffed/changed. The Titans era as the premiere team ends in total failure, with Green Arrow all but breaking the fourth wall to tell the reader that the Titans suck ass, and will never be capable of replacing the League. Titans haters were utterly vindicated. That Waid of all people is the one who seals off the Multiverse and depowers Barry is a testament to how badly DC has handled both the Multiverse and legacies in recent years. Thank God Waller is off the board for the foreseeable future.

All-In Special - If AP was the wet fart ending to a flop era, this at least was promising. Yes "Darkseid energy" remains an idiotic concept, but at least reading this left me excited! Snyder and Williamson do their best attempt to channel Hickman's energy. They don't come close, but at least DC is finally trying to take notes from Hickman’s success rather than chase CoIE again. Williamson and Sampere tee'd up the JLU status quo for Waid in a satisfactory matter, I'm actually excited to see that play out after AP. I have so many questions regarding the Absolute Universe: is that the Absolute Legion? What happened to Skeets? What will happen to Booster? Absolute Superman appears to arrive on Earth as an adult, is that true? Wish we didn't have to wait another whole month for Absolute Superman because that book seems like it will be the one to directly tie into the Darkseid Meta plot.

I Know What You Did Last Crisis #1 - Picked this up for the Didio Nightwing issue and oh my God did it deliver. Meta story where Didio apologizes for absolutely nothing and says DC would be living in a golden age if they had let him kill Nightwing like he wanted. Laughed until my sides shook when Didio had Kon kill every Nightwing in the Multiverse. Nobody played the heel role like Didio did, gives the Nightwing fandom a collective middle finger one last time. Oh and it gave me some cute Kon/Cass moments which was nice. Rest of the anthology was mid, but Wielgosz turned in another banger Superman story with his Lex during Final Crisis short. Dude needs to get put on a Superman book pronto, everything he writes with the character is gold. They should give him Action instead of who they probably will.

My Adventures With Superman #5 - Another great issue. Pa Kent knowing the types of helicopters because of the history channel made me laugh. Thought he might have been a soldier like main continuity Pa but should've known better, that's not how this show rolls. Bloodsport is almost heroic. Man is nuts but he's willing to sacrifice himself to take out Superman and Amazo which is at least far more than someone like Lex or Deathstroke would do. Poor Amazo, I feel like he has to be a goner after the last issue but I almost wish he would stick around, I like his little brother dynamic with Superman. Sad it took me this long to realize Amazo is basically the Iron Giant. All the times I talked up Metallo as an anti-Iron Giant and here Campbell went and gave Supes a straightforward expy!

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

not sure if you're into it, but overwatch 2 is super fun and has some really hot guys, masked and not masked, so any vore prompts for any of them?

So O.verwatch is a lot like superhero stuff for me, where I have a general understanding of the characters and their relationships and they're understandable enough to write for but I'm not aaaactually keeping up with it. Like I don’t play the game at all or anything. But given that I've written tons of superhero stuff already, and I do like a lot of the O.verwatch characters, I'll give it a shot.

A belch passes through W.inston's lips like a roar, catching even the gorilla by surprise. He gives his chest a few thumps as it ends and clears his throat. "Ah, excuse me," he says to no one in particular. Well, he might have been speaking to the person shifting around in his guts, who was also the cause of that belch, but it would be hard to tell given how little attention he's actually giving to his meal. He wouldn't dare to tell anyone about this but the gorilla had made a...discovery as of late. One that involved using other people as a food source that provided energy unlike any normal food could. He's been doing tests with it, and so far, this is his fifth 'subject' in the past week. He knows he can't tell the others about it, not yet at least, but he has to fully understand this ability and its meaning. Another belch rumbles from him as his prey kicks harshly. It makes his stomach clench down with some wet groans and squelched. The ape slurps over his teeth and adjusts his glasses. "Excuse me," he says again, still to no one. He's barely bothered by his rambunctious meal as he writes down his findings on a sheet of paper. For now, he was just keeping track of basic metrics--information about his prey that could determine how they are as food, how they act during and after consumption, and how his body handles it. He needs enough data to begin actually compiling it all into something meaningful. His guts bubble and churn wetly, clenching again, and he can feel his meal breaking apart in his stomach. He gives it a few pats and writes down some more notes. Subject 11 struggled longer than rest, caused gassiness and mild indigestion. My body reacted with contractions in the stomach to process the subject at a faster rate. Try to replicate contractions for faster processing time? W.inston smiles as he underlines his latest idea. His guts are sitting in his lap now, bubbling and churning thickly. He gives it a testing rub as he feels how much softer its become now that his prey is quickly falling apart on him. Somewhere deep down, he felt a little bad, but he still loves humanity...he's just also found that they're rather delicious. He sets his work aside and rubs over his gut some more, feeling it processing all the slop inside. His next deep belch sends a skull flying from his jaws and bouncing off the floor. He'll have to put that one away with the next...then he can go secure Subject 12 for further testing. His stomach is starting to rumble for more.

Screams and hungry snarfing are the only sounds that come out of the bar for some time, only occasionally broken up by the sound of something crashing. After some time, it goes quiet for several seconds before a deep belch shakes the very foundation of the building. With a few heavy stomps, a massive gut slams the door open R.oadhog waddles his way out. His usually large stomach is even bigger than before, at least three times its normal size, with the only reason its not dragging on the ground being how massive the man himself is. He lazily licks his fingers, his tongue poking out from between the stitching of his mask as he enjoys the last bits of flavor the bar patrons had to offer. He'd been trying to lay low due to some...trouble he got into recently but he couldn't resist giving this bar a visit. Evidently, some drunkard there knew him a bit too well and was a bit too loud about it. R.oadhog didn't hesitate to pull the man in with his hook and scarf him down like the snack he was. Though that also meant eating the rest of the bar patrons and the bartender himself...again, not hesitation in that feat. R.oadhog gives his gut a few slow smacks, hitting it hard enough to make it shake back and forth with heavy sloshes. Bulges of the various men he ate stretch out his tank, only muted somewhat by how fat he is. The wastelander chuckles to himself as he pats his stomach again. Well, at least they'll get to figure out how he manages to stay so fat out here. And they're learning it the same way everyone else does, too. A man has to keep his secrets, after all. If every freak and weirdo knew the best way to eat well, he'd be fighting for food all over again. Another booming belch roars out of him as he waddles down the empty road, his stomach bouncing and sloshing with every mighty step he takes. He can barely make out anything his meals are saying. They're all talking over each other, not to mention how muffled they are by his thick fat and the sounds of his belly working hard on them. Ah well, it's not like they're saying anything of importance anyway. Food never really does. R.oadhog meanders along, not in any real rush to get anywhere. He's perfectly content as is, only moving on in case someone stops by the bar while he's trying to process his meal. By the time he does action run into someone or finds a place to rest, he doubts there'll be anything recognizable in his gut anyway. Maybe some muck sloshing around but nothing someone could point out as human. They'll just think he's a big, fat beast of a man like everyone else. Just a real pig. R.oadhog chuckles again and smacks his gut hard, letting out a belch that he's sure travels on for miles. He loves being a pig.

"Mmf...for your own sake, you should stop that" G.enji huffs out to his stomach. The cyborg is standing stock still, his feet firmly planted on the ground, with the exception being his stomach, which is hanging out before him and sloshing back and forth with his rather lively prey. He's practiced this many times before and has become rather skilled in housing men of various sizes and...ferocity without being thrown around by the weight. Even as his current meal thrashes as much as he can, G.enji hasn't moved an inch. He used to hate that he needed to eat like this--in order to keep his cybernetics working at full capacity, he has to eat live meals to provide enough energy to his body. But he's long since gotten used to it, especially when Z.enyatta helped him in finding ways to make the experience smoother and easier. Currently, the ninja has stashed himself away in a dark alley, far away from any prying eyes who might have seen him take his meal. He's never had an issue with catching men unseen--after all, those skills have always been part of his teachings. But now they've found themselves with a new use. And he has new skills as well. His prey is still thrashing around, yelling and cursing at him, but G.enji is silent as he concentrates. His stomach flexes once and it shrinks down, the man inside screaming for only a brief moment as his entire being is compacted down into a third the size, snaps and crunches and wet squelches replacing his voice. A meaty belch erupts from G.enji, his breath laced thickly with the taste of his prey now. G.enji didn't particularly like doing that to still living prey, but when they refuse to settle down, it's the best way to deal with them. At least it's quick...and feels good. Now his stomach is taut around the meat slurry inside of it, bubbling and groaning noisily as it begins the now easy process of pumping it all away. "Thank you for the meal," G.enji says to his silent stomach, bowing his head slightly. By the time anyone would come by to investigate the strange sound they head, the alleyway was empty, other than the strange lingering stench of meat.

[warningsine]

LONDON (AP) — The British Museum was alerted more than two years ago to the possible theft or disappearance of valuable artifacts when an art historian became suspicious about objects for sale on eBay.

But the museum’s director, Hartwig Fischer, said Friday that he didn’t treat the whistleblower’s warning seriously enough and announced his resignation as investigators figure out what happened to hundreds of missing pieces, including gold jewelry, semi-precious gems and antiquities dating to the 15th century B.C.

“It is evident that the British Museum did not respond as comprehensively as it should have in response to the warnings in 2021, and to the problem that has now fully emerged,” Fischer said in a statement. “The responsibility for that failure must ultimately rest with the director.”

The museum fired a staff member more than a week ago and said legal action would be taken against that person. London’s Metropolitan Police are investigating and the museum has ordered an independent review of security as well as a ’’vigorous program to recover the missing items.″

Most of the items were small items kept in a storeroom and none had been on display recently, the museum said.

The 264-year-old British Museum is a major London tourist attraction, drawing visitors from around the world. Its collection includes the Rosetta Stone that unlocked the language of ancient Egypt, scrolls bearing 12th century Chinese poetry and masks created by the Indigenous people of Canada.

The museum has also attracted controversy because it has resisted calls from communities around the world to return items of historical significance that were acquired during the era of the British Empire. The most famous of these disputes include marble carvings from the Parthenon in Greece and the Benin bronzes from west Africa.

“We want to tell the British Museum that they cannot anymore say that Greek (cultural) heritage is more protected in the British Museum,” Despina Koutsoumba, head of the Association of Greek Archaeologists, told the BBC this week.

Fischer’s announcement included an apology to the whistleblower, Ittai Gradel, a British-Danish art historian and dealer.

Gradel told The Associated Press he became suspicious after buying one of three objects a seller had listed on eBay. Gradel traced the two items he didn’t buy to the museum. The object he bought wasn’t listed in the museum’s catalog, but he discovered it had been owned by a man who turned over his entire collection to the museum in 1814.

Gradel said he found the identity of the seller through PayPal and it was the person at the museum who has since been sacked. Gradel said that 69 other objects he bought from the same person were then “guilty by association.”

Gradel said that Fischer had done the right thing by stepping down and he accepted his apology. But he said Deputy Director Jonathan Williams should also resign, adding that Williams had assured him that a thorough investigation found no improprieties.

The museum said Friday that Williams would step aside during the independent review.

“He basically told me to sod off and mind my own business,” Gradel said. “It is beyond me how any responsible museum person could see this evidence without all alarm bells going off immediately.”

On Wednesday, Fischer had issued a statement saying that the museum had taken the allegations seriously in 2021. But he said concerns had only been raised about a small number of items and said it was frustrating to learn that Gradel, whom he did not name, had “many more items in his possession.”

Gradel said it was an “outright lie” he withheld information from the museum and said it appeared that Fischer never read the documents he sent. He said he offered any assistance they needed and they never contacted him.

“I also misjudged the remarks I made earlier this week about Dr. Gradel,” Fischer said Friday. “I wish to express my sincere regret and withdraw those remarks.”

Fischer, a German art historian, said he would leave as soon as a temporary leader could be appointed.

George Osborne, chair of the museum trustees, said the board accepted Fischer’s resignation and that he acted “honorably in confronting the mistakes that have been made.”

“I am clear about this: we are going to fix what has gone wrong,” Osborne said. “The museum has a mission that lasts across generations. We will learn, restore confidence and deserve to be admired once again.”

The museum had said it would take legal action against the dismissed staff member.

[babydolly444]

going to go see him again today. there might be snow tomorrow, so i might not see him until next week. next week is when 2nd semester starts, so i won’t be able to see him as much anymore. i’ll share that worry with him. maybe that will open up a conversation about seeing each other. maybe in more ways than one.

he was staring at me so much in class today. he’d be looking at his phone or laptop, and when he would look up, his eyes would go straight to me. and when i went up to grab a pencil for the scranton, he handed the pencil to me, and our fingers touched. i swear he did it on purpose. considering how observant he was with my eye contact yesterday, he probably noticed me trying to hide my excitement behind a straight face. maybe i was blushing, too? does he notice when i blush? i hate the fact that i can’t tell when im blushing.

my heart is fluttering quite a bit. it has been since the middle of ap stats. now it’s lunch, so i’m in a different teacher’s classroom typing this (some teachers have their classrooms open during lunch). 10 more minutes and so and i’ll be alone with S again.

i wanna kiss him so bad. i want to feel his hands exploring my body as we kiss. i want to feel his hair between my fingers. fuck. i actually want him so bad. he needs to just make a move on me already. he’s basically teasing at this point.

[kaymd0313]

Chapter Seventeen: Dance and a Story

Warnings: Angst, Language, Smoking Weed, Some backstory of y/n, Mentions of death, Mentions of neglect, Drinking, Mentions of disease, Mentions of Cheating.

MINORS DNI

Authors Note: To date this is my 2nd longest chapter at a whopping 5k words. Chapter 18 is much longer, much much longer. So enjoy <3

It had been about two weeks since me and Eddie talked. Everything had been going really well. Even though we have both admitted our love for each other I don’t think we’re actually official. And to be honest it’s kind of tearing me apart. 

I walked down the hall towards my locker with Robin by my side.

“God this dance is going to be so lame!” she said.

“Huh?” I said as I opened my locker. A piece of paper fell out and I snatched it up and put it in my pocket as she kept rambling.

“It’s stupid honestly, like who wants to dance to music that a middle aged man deemed appropriate? They always have bad taste.”

“Hey,” I interjected, “My dad is middle aged and has great taste in music. Thank you very much!”

As I said that she walked across the hall to a poster that was for the dance. She looked at it for a second before ripping it down and crumpling it up.

“You know, maybe a certain someone would go with you.” I said as I pointed down the hall towards Vickie.

“Ugh c’mon y/n, I don’t even know if she’s like that.”

“Well, you’ll never know if you don’t ask.” I closed my locker and walked to class, leaving Robin to gawk at Vickie.

Once I got to class I took my usual spot by the window. I reached in my back pocket and grabbed the piece of paper that had basically been screaming at me to look at it. I opened up my trapper keeper and spread the note out cause I could tell it was crumpled up before it was somewhat folded neatly.

“Meet me at the picnic tables during lunch, please!”

Signed with an E and a little heart that honestly looked like, I don’t even know what.

So throughout Math I stared out the window wondering what he wanted. Also why must our form of communication be through notes? He obviously knows where my locker is, so why couldn’t he just wait there.

The next few classes went by so slow. Only of course cause I was waiting for lunch to come around. Watching the clock literally tick by. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

God Damn it!

I was sitting in English when the teacher caught my attention with one word, “Dracula”. So that’s when I started to pay attention. 

“For the next few weeks we will be reading this amazing work of art.” she exclaimed.

“It was written by Bram Stoker. It has 27 chapters, and by the end of the book you will be writing a 2 page essay on the book. I will clarify more on the essay the closer we get to the end of the book.”

To say the least I was intrigued. You would always hear stories about Dracula and his association with Halloween. Honestly anything strange and unusual always piqued my interest. I myself was strange and unusual apparently.

“This week, we’ll be reading up to chapter 5 and doing some discussing and maybe even some fun activities.”

This woman was way too excited about Dracula. Almost thought she was going to cream her pants there for a second. 

By the end of the class I had already gotten to chapter 3 whilst the class was slowly reading all together. I don’t like reading slowly. I think that the teacher thought we were all too dumb to understand the complexity of the literature, but this was AP English. I think we get it.

As soon as the bell rang I grabbed Dracula and walked out of the room. All the little kids were running towards the lunch room. Shit, honestly I forgot, with how worked up that lady was getting.

I jogged to my locker, put my things away, grabbed my lunch and headed out the back doors towards the picnic tables. 

As I got to the tree line I looked in my lunch bag and grabbed out the orange I packed this morning. I started peeling it as I was walking. Letting the peels hit the ground. As I reached the table I saw one singular balloon with a paper attached to it and a rock on top to weigh it down.

Now I’ll admit, this seems creepy as hell. I popped an orange slice into my mouth and slowly made my way up to the table. On the envelope was my name written in very pretty cursive. I looked around, because this made me feel super uneasy. It was way too pretty to be Eddie's handwriting. 

“Eddie, if you’re out here, come here. This is creepy!” I yelled.

Nothing.

Eddie’s POV

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why won’t she just grab it? Why is it creepy? 

I’m not coming out, I want to see her reaction. I don’t really do stuff like this. I asked Chrissy to write the note for me so it would look better than my chicken scratch handwriting.

I saw her walk up to the note again and turn and walk away. She didn’t take it with her. She just left it there. God damn it. I try to do something cute and nice and she thinks it’s too “Creepy”. 

Fuck. I went up to the note and grabbed the balloon and the note and started walking back towards the school. 

Once I got up to the school I went into the lunchroom so I could give her the note. I really didn’t want to do this in front of everyone. I wanted her to open it then I would come out and give her a hug and kiss and the other gifts I had in my bag.

I scanned her usual tables that she sat at and I didn’t see her. So I walked up to the Hellfire table and looked at the guys. I told them what I was going to be doing during lunch so they looked surprised when I walked up.

“Did she reject you?” Gareth asked.

“Not necessarily, she didn’t even pick up the note.” I looked around and still couldn’t find her. “Have you guys seen her, like has she come in here?”

“Well, we weren’t really looking for her so….” Jeff said with a shrug of his shoulders.

I continued to look around when all of a sudden I saw Robin walk in.

“I might be back.” I said as I walked away from the guys and approached her.

“Hey Robin, uh, do you know where y/n is?”

She looked a little apprehensive to tell me.

“I think she went home, she seemed a little on edge. She wouldn't really tell me much.” she said as she walked to her table.

I looked out the windows towards the parking lot and decided to go look for her car.

I went to her usual spot and didn’t see her car. So I scanned the parking lot just in case she happened to park somewhere else.

Nothing.

So I pulled my keys out of my pocket, balloon and note in hand and got in my van and made my way to her house.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N POV

I’m not sure why that random balloon made me so fucking paranoid. I walked up the steps and walked in my room and sat down at my vanity. I looked at myself in the mirror and rubbed my face to try and shake the feeling away.

I took my jewelry off and decided to take a shower. So I grabbed some clothes and walked into my bathroom and started the shower.

When I started washing my hair I heard a door close. My dad must be home early. He’s probably going to be annoyed that I left school early, so I already started to figure out what lie I was gonna tell him. I couldn’t just tell him that I got creeped out by a balloon and came home.

I got out of the shower and got dressed and walked out into my room.

I was frozen in place.

 The balloon was there right above my bed with the note right below it sitting in the middle of the mattress. 

“What the actual fuck!” I yelled.

I ran to my door and ran down the stairs to my dad’s room to see if he was there. I opened the door and nobody was there.

“Y/n you okay?”

I whipped my head around and saw Eddie standing there.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You didn’t open my letter,” he said.

“Jesus Christ Eddie! You put that up there in my room? Wait, how did you get in here? Were you there in the woods? If so, why didn’t you come out when I asked for you?”

He walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders.

“Love you need to breathe, you’re freaking out on me here.”

“No shit I’m freaking out Eddie! You left that damn balloon in the woods, and when I get out of the shower it’s just floating above my bed. You mean to tell me you wouldn’t freak out?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to creep you out.” he said as he lowered his hands to his side. “I was just trying to do something cute for you.”

“Eddie….”

“Look, come upstairs, and I’ll explain. Please?”

He looked so disappointed. I didn’t know that he was trying to do something. He should’ve come out when I called him in the woods. Then we wouldn’t be in this situation. 

We walked up the stairs and into my room. I looked at the balloon and he grabbed it. He reached down for the note and handed it to me.

“Open it.”

“Eddie, this isn’t your handwriting.”

“I know, I got Chrissy to write it for me the other day. So it would be pretty and so you could read it.” He said with a light chuckle.

“Do you understand why I found this creepy? A single balloon, handwriting I didn’t recognize, nobody coming out when I called? It freaked me out.”

“I guess I get it. But I didn’t mean for it to be like that. Just open the letter. Please.”

I grabbed the note from his hand and proceeded to open it. I pulled the paper out glanced over it then glanced up at Eddie.

“Read it. Out loud.”

“The last few months have been a little hectic, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. And I know that I’ve been a huge jerk for most of the time we’ve known each other.”

 I looked at him, “Bit of an understatement.” I said with a smart look and a smile.

“I don’t do all this sappy stuff much or really conform to society’s festivities, but I’m graduating and I can’t not do this when I know I have someone I can do it with.”

“It then says to turn around and look for you, I’m assuming this was supposed to happen in the woods so I’ll play along.”

I turned away from Eddie and then turned back to face him.

“Y/n would you please do me the extreme honor of going to the Winter Formal with me?” he said.

“Hmmm, well, let’s see, you’ve creeped me out today, which is not going well in your favor.” I started to walk around the room. I quickly spun on my heel and faced him.

“And also, I don’t really do dances Eddie. I don’t think I even own a dress that's good for a dance. I know I could buy one but they’re very uncomfortable.” I put my finger on my chin and started tapping my chin.

“Very hard for me to decide, but this is your last year, and apparently the only dance you would have ever attended. Hmmm, such a hard choice.”

I turned around by this point and started to look out the window. I all of a sudden felt arms wrap around my waist.

“So….what’s your answer, since you’ve fully pondered the situation.”

I pulled away and turned around. “Hmmm, I would love to see you in a suit. So….I guess so.”

He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up and spun me around. He put me down and grabbed my face.

“You have made me the happiest man in the world.”

He then leaned in to kiss me, and I swear the world stopped. 

He pulled away with my face still in his hands.

“I have some things for you, I’ll be right back.”

He gave me a peck on the lips and ran out of the room.

I walked over to my bed and grabbed the balloon and sat on the edge of the bed looking at it.

I’ve never been to a dance before, not a father or daughter dance, no formal, no prom, nothing.

I was already stressing about this, holy fuck. What color dress would I wear? What would I do with my hair? What shoes would I wear? How would my makeup look?

I never really had to worry about these types of girly things before. But this boy has got me in a fucking frenzy.

I heard the front door close and some footsteps coming up the stairs.

He came back in the room with his shit eating grin and a backpack that looked stuffed to the brim.

“Now what do you have in there?”

“Gifts galore sweetheart!”

He unzipped the bag and pulled out something wrapped in newspaper.

“Here you go doll, first gift.”

I grabbed it out of his hands and sat it in my lap and started to unwrap it. It looked like a shirt so I lifted it up and looked at it.

“A plain white shirt with black sleeves….interesting.”

“Turn it around.” He said with a light laugh.

I turned it around and on the front was the Hellfire logo.

“A Hellfire shirt.” I said as I looked at him with a confused look.

“It’s the one I wore last year, and this year so far. I thought you….might want it….the guys think I should wear a new one. If you don’t want it, that’s fine.” he said as he looked down at his lap with his hands in his lap.

“I love it. I wear it to sleep.”

I slid off the bed to meet him on the floor. I grabbed his face to make him look at me.

“Really, Eddie, I love it.”

“Really? You sure?”

“Yes Eddie.” I paused, “What else you got in there for me?”

He looked in his bag and moved some things around. 

“Alright, gonna start off a bit simple.”

He grabbed a small Folgers can and handed it to me.

“Coffee?.....Thanks, I guess.”

“Nuh-Uh, open it.”

I pulled it closer to me and took off the lid.

“Holy shit….Eddie, I can’t take this. This is way too much.” I said as I put the lid back on and started to hand it back.

“No, no, no. It’s fine.” he said as he pushed it back.

I looked at it and opened the lid. I couldn’t believe how much fucking weed was in there.

“Eddie, at least let me pay for it. I don’t want to take this much without paying you.”

“Don’t worry doll you can pay me back later.” he said with a wink and a smile.

I smiled and sat the can by my side. He reached in his bag again and pulled out a plastic bag filled to the brim.

“Here ya go.” he said as he started to rummage in his bag again.

“Jesus Christ Eddie, are you trying to make me fat, or a sugar coma, or diabetes, or my first cavity? I've gone 19 years without a cavity, I’m not starting now!”

“You haven’t had a cavity? I’ve had 11.” He said with a huge grin on his face, showing off his teeth.

I laughed and looked down at my hands.

“Something wrong sweetheart?”

“It’s just, I never, really had anyone give me gifts, that wasn’t my family at least. I really appreciate this Eddie. I really do.”

“Well sweetheart, there's more to come, also, I bought two of each, so half of that is mine.”

The bag seemed mainly empty by now. The bag of candy took up the most space.

He handed me a small velvet bag. It looked like one of the ones that held his dice for DnD.

“It’s not much but, I thought you would like it.” he said under his breath.

I grabbed it out of his hands and held it for a second. I felt the velvet between my fingers and felt something small inside. I undid the drawstring and pulled it open. I tilted it upside down and a chain fell out. I picked it up and looked at it, it was a silver, small chain. It was so small and beautiful. I pulled it up and looked at it.

“Oh Eddie, it’s beautiful.”

I held the chain with one hand and used my other to reach for the charm. I put it in my palm and let the chain fall.

I looked up at Eddie. He had pulled his hair in front of his face. I could tell that he was nervous.

I looked down to my hand and grabbed the uppercase E and held it out to him.

“Will you put it on me?”

He let go of his hair and grabbed the necklace.

“Turn around love.”

“Yes Sir.” I said with a smile, then turned away from him.

I saw the chain come into view then watched it slowly lower to my neck. Once it was clasped I heard Eddie whisper, “Gotcha.”

I reached down and touched the E resting on my collar bone. I immediately turned back to Eddie and grabbed his face.

“I love you Edward Munson.” I said as I leaned in to kiss him.

I pulled away and his eyes were still closed. I let out a light giggle and tapped him. He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

“So, I’m guessing that since you wanted it on, that means you’re mine.” he said as he started to pull his hair in front of his mouth.

“Eddie, I’ve been yours for a long time. We just haven’t made it official. And I guess this makes it official.” I said with a light smile to him.

“So that means, I can….you know….like show you off and stuff?”

I grabbed his hand so he would let go of his hair.

“Yes Eddie, you can show me off. And stuff.” I said with a light chuckle.

Me and Eddie spent the rest of the night talking to each other about the dance. We decided to smoke some of the weed he gave me. 

We ended up laying on my bed eating candy and holding each other. About 30 minutes after we finished smoking my dad came home. He came up the stairs and knocked on my door.

“Y/n, you there?”

“Yea dad.”

“Can I come in, I need to talk to you.”

I let out a long sigh. “Yea sure dad.”

I sat up and Eddie continued to lay there. He was already drifting in and out of sleep with a Milky Way in his hand.

My dad walked in and noticed Eddie.

“Oh, I didn’t know you had a guest.”

Eddie turned his head and looked at my dad and waved, then laid his head back on the pillow.

“Hey kid,” he said with a slight wave. “Can you come out here so I can talk to you in private?”

“Dad, whatever it is, just talk to me in here.”

He mouthed to me, “It’s about your mom.”

I practically jumped off the bed and led him out the room.

We walked down to the end of the hall.

“I know the anniversary of her death is coming up, and I just wanted to see how you’re holding up.”

I was silent, I didn’t even realize how soon that was. I usually handled it well, maybe a couple cries here and there, but it was my dad I had to worry about. He would always binge drink. Last year it got so bad that I had to take him to the hospital because he was throwing up blood.

“I think I’ll be fine, I’m more worried about you. Are you going to be okay? ….That’s what I’m worried about.”

He lowered his head and brought his hands up to his face.

“Dad, I want to help you.” I said as I reached out to him.

He grabbed me and pulled me in for a hug and started sobbing.

My mom was the love of this man's life. When she died, it was the worst thing that ever happened to him, and this man has been through some shit.

“Dad, let me help. I’ll get rid of all the booze and liquor. Just let me help prevent what happened last year. I can’t do that again.” The tears had started to well up in my eyes. I wanted to be strong from him, but I kept getting flashbacks of last year. Him throwing things, things that my mother treasured. Screaming at me because I looked too much like her. It broke my heart. Him yelling her name in his sleep. I just couldn’t and wouldn’t do it again.

I pulled away from him and took his face in my hands, “Dad….please.”

He started nodding and pulled me back in for the tightest hug I’ve gotten since she died.

I pulled away from him and looked at him, “One last drink? I’ll make it for you.”

He nodded as I took his hand and led him down the stairs.

We got to the kitchen and he sat down at the table as I made him his favorite drink, Whiskey on the rocks. When I was done I handed it to him and sat with him. He completely downed it. I grabbed the glass and put it in the sink.

 I went to the garage and grabbed a random crate that we had and came back inside. There was already a line of bottles on the counter.

“These were the ones that were hidden.” he said with an ashamed look on his face.

“I’m proud of you dad, I really am. I hope you know that.”

He nodded. I started to put them in the crate and then went to the cabinet and got the rest.

“I’m going to put these up in my room, and throw them away tomorrow. So, don’t go looking for them.”

He started to walk to his room as I walked up the stairs. I walked into my room with the crate and I saw Eddie sitting up in my bed.

“Everything okay doll?”

“Uh….yea I guess.”

I sat the crate down and grabbed a candy bar out of the bag. I walked over to my bed and sat next to him.

“You know you can talk to me right?”

I looked at the candy bar in my hands and didn’t say anything. I was in a weird state of mind right now. I was high, which was supposed to make me feel great, but I was also stressed and sad because of what just happened. I haven’t really talked to anyone outside of my family about my mom, or my dads problems.

I looked up at Eddie and saw in his eyes that he wanted me to tell him, but I don’t know if I was ready. I know I should probably tell him, so he would understand if I shut him out when that day comes. Yet, it’s just so hard to tell someone those things.

“I’d rather talk about it when I have a clear mind, if that makes sense.”

He nodded. He grabbed me in his arms and pulled me over to lay with him.

Eddie’s POV

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I looked at her laying in front of me and saw nothing.

No emotion

No thoughts

Nothing

It hurt to see her like that. I grabbed the candy bar that she was definitely melting by now and put it on her nightstand closest to me.

I turned back over and grabbed her face and kissed her forehead, then her eyes, her cheeks, then her lips. She didn’t kiss me back. She just laid there numb. Completely shut off from the world. She was definitely in her head. What she was doing there, I have no idea.

I pulled her closer to me, and I’m glad she didn’t pull away.

“Go to sleep, love.” I told her.

She nuzzled her face into my neck and passed out within five minutes.

After about an hour, I couldn’t fall asleep. So I slowly got up trying not to wake her up. Once I got up, I went to the bathroom and then headed downstairs. Munchies were kicking in and I wasn’t going to eat another candy bar.

When I got to the kitchen, I saw her dad sitting at the table. His head was down and a glass of water in front of him.

I walked up to the fridge and opened it.

I heard him make a noise so I turned to him.

“Damn boy, you scared me there.”

“Sorry sir.”

“How is she?”

“She’s sleeping. Has been for about an hour.”

He let out a sigh.

“It’s always been hard for her.”

“She….um, hasn’t told me what it’s about. Just so you know.”

“Oh….I thought she would. I do have a question for you though, if you don’t mind son.”

I nodded.

“Are you two, like a thing?”

“As of today, yes, yes we are.” I said with a smile as I continued to look in the fridge.

He cleared his throat, “Well, if you hurt her….”

I popped up, “No! I would never, could never.”

“I said the same thing about her mom….”

“If I may,” I said as I sat down at the table, “I love your daughter, have since I laid eyes on her. If I ever did anything to hurt her….I couldn’t live with myself.”

“Son, I’m barely living with myself. A whole year after it happened I couldn’t look at y/n. That was the dumbest thing I could ever do. She completely shut me off. I hurt her, just like I did last year.” he looked down at his hands. “I won’t get into detail cause you deserve to hear it from her, but, I haven’t been the best father, and I want to change that.”

I looked down at my lap and then back up at him.

“I asked her to the dance, and she said yes. So I’ll be taking her to the formal next month. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Next month, that’ll be great. It’ll keep her mind occupied.”

All of a sudden we heard footsteps so we both whipped our heads to the stairs. She turned the corner and there she was. Her hair was all a mess and she still looked numb.

“What’s going on?” she let out in a sleepy tone.

“Just talking about the dance Ed asked you to.”

“Oh….yea.” she said as she walked up to the fridge.

“If you guys are hungry I can order some food.”

I turned to y/n where she was still looking in the fridge.

“Hun, you hear me?”

“Uh, yea dad I hear ya. Just thirsty right now.”

She grabbed a coke and turned to us as she opened it.

“You hungry Eds?” she asked as she took a sip.

I nodded. I hate that she looked so lost, it was slowly breaking me.

“I could go for chinese or pizza, whichever, you can pick.”

“Chinese is fine.” I said as I turned to her dad.

“On it. What would you like, son?”

“Lo mein.”

“Usual for you sweetheart?”

She nodded her head. Her dad was off to the living room where the phone was.

“Come here love.” I said as I held out my arm for her.

She walked over and sat in my lap.

“Doll?”

She let out a light hum.

“I want you to talk to me. I feel like I’ve lost you here. I just got you, and now….I see nothing.”

She dropped her head on my shoulder.

“After we eat please? I can’t right now. I’m too tired.”

“That’s okay love.” I said as I rubbed her back and just let her sit there.

After a while the food arrived and we all ate together at the table. It felt really nice, her dad was trying to start conversations, but she would just hum or nod with answers.

As I ate I watched her mindlessly eat her food. Her dad got done eating before we did. He got up, threw his things away and gave her a kiss on the head and went to bed. I finished next and threw my things away. When I got back to the table she was pushing around her food.

“Do you want the rest of this?” she asked me.

“No, I’m good hun.”

She gave a quick smile, then got up to throw her food away. She came back to the table and sat across from me. She put her hands on the table then laid her head down on top of them.

I scooted closer to her and put my hand on her lower back and started rubbing my hand in small circles. 

“Can we go lay down?” she asked me.

“Of course.”

We got up and went up to her room. She laid down first and then I laid down next to her. I pulled her closer to me so I could look at her better.

She had her head in my chest but I needed to look at her. I lifted her face to look at me.

“Please talk to me.”

 She looked to the side and sighed. She sat up fully and I sat up with her.

She faced forward and didn’t look at me.

“When I was 10 my dad had to go on a business trip for a few months….across the country. My mom got lonely. So she went out and fucked any man that would deem her beautiful. When my dad finally came back….she started to get sick. Really frail and just not good. My dad was worried it was cancer or something. My mom hated doctors so she passed it off as her being sick and that my dad should just give her a few weeks to feel better.” she paused and let out a slight chuckle. She then took a deep breath then let the air out quickly with a loud sigh.

“Weeks turned into months, which then ended up being a year. My dad was fed up and finally convinced her to go to the doctor. They ran a few tests and when the results came back the doctor told her she had AIDS. Both my mom and dad were very confused. They put her on this medication called Zidovudine or AZT. That’s what they called it at least. When they got home they had all these pamphlets about reasons why she could get it and ways to help with the symptoms. When my dad read all the reasons, he was sure she was doing drugs. He never would’ve thought she would cheat on him.” 

She stopped to finally look at me.

“But she did.”

I looked down at her lap and she was picking at her nails, so I grabbed her hands and held them in mine. When I did this she turned her body towards me.

“So a few years went by, and the medicine was helping with not letting the AIDS spread or get worse. But she was still frail and sick. She was constantly in and out of the hospital with pneumonia. Towards the end of November in ‘79 she was put in the hospital again, and that was the last time she ever went to the hospital. She was there for about two weeks. My dad and I were home when we got the call that she wasn’t in the best condition and she didn’t have much time. We rushed to the hospital and we didn’t leave her side. She felt that she needed to come clean. So she told my dad about her cheating.”

She whipped her head up at me and I could see the tears in her eyes.

“She didn’t have the nerve to tell him until she was on her deathbed.”

She looked back down and started messing with my rings.

“She was a great mom, and I understand that people get lonely, but she should’ve just told my dad as soon as she found out. She was a coward for not telling him. This man gave her everything she could ever want. A nice house, money to spend….and me.” she said with a weak smile.

I didn’t know how to process all of this. This girl that seemed so fun and bubbly had her world completely crumble at 13 years old. She was so optimistic and full of life, I don’t see how she had such a positive outlook. At least until today. Now I see nothing. I don’t see that girl. I see a broken lost little girl. That little girl that lost her mom so many years ago.

“I….I don’t know what to say.” I mumbled.

“You don’t have to say anything.” she said as she was messing with my rings.

I looked down and watched her. She was mainly messing with my hog ring. I held her hand and slid the ring onto her hand. She let out a slight chuckle.

“It doesn’t fit. You have massive hands….you know that right?”

She looked up at me and smiled. She had that gleam in her eye, that one from that amazing night we had, but I couldn’t. She started rubbing my hands and then up to my arms.

“Sweetheart, I can’t. Not now.” I said as I grabbed her hands and put them back in my lap.

She sighed, “That’s fine.”

I could tell she was disappointed, but I could also tell that she understood why.

I lifted her hands up and kissed each of them.

“I love you, you know that right? I don’t want you to hesitate to talk to me, I don’t want to be shut out. I….understand the thing about your mom. I mean….my mom is gone too, so I understand how it gets. I don’t want to lose you to your own thoughts.”

I was looking down at her hands while I said that. I didn’t realize she was staring at me.

“Eddie….I….I didn’t know that….your mom.”

“I never told you, I don’t expect you to know.” I said with a chuckle.

“If you ever want to talk, I’m here for you too Eddie. Seriously.”

She smiled at me then dropped her head back down.

“Eddie, I can’t promise that I won’t shut you out. It just tends to happen. Sometimes I like my thoughts. They’re never bad. Mainly just memories of her. Good ones that I like to relish in. So I’ll be fine…. I'll try not to shut you out…. but I can’t make promises that I might break.

“I understand….just….try not to. That’s all I ask.”

“I’ll try. For you I’ll try.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[star-girl69]

Pt2.

YOU HEADCANON FOR MEEE🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭. Please have mercy on my heart, I actually can't. Like omg I started honestly doing cartwheels when I read that.

You have amazing intuition though. I am English but I am also part something else a bit more exotic I like to think. I play basketball and volleyball a lot so I have different sessions of each every other week if that makes sense. I'm trying to pick which one to drop. So I train for those and then gym in my own time. I also have instrumental lessons which I like and then I work in the evenings.

- ❤️

(YOU WANNA HEAR ABOUT MY DAAAAAY🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭cue the heart palpitations fr fr. Tbh today wasn't that interesting. The most interesting thing that happened was that I had a nosebleed for like 30 minutes during my biology class 😭😭😭😭I fr thought I was dying and I nearly fell down the stairs and burnt my toast(I'm a good cook istgd))

(I really really love pandas)

(I missed you tho beautiful tell me about yourrrrrr day??? How are you feeling?? ❤️❤️❤️)

(You are one of a kind amazing ❤️)

HAHAHAH CARTWHEELS 🤭🤭🤭

YES!!!!!! IM SO SMART!!!!! oh so you’re one of them insane people 😭😭 you’re so much better then me i don’t play a sport and i only work 2 days a week don’t go to the gym why would i ever do that

but i tell myself it’s ok bc i have hip and ankle problems and i take two ap’s and have like an hour and a half to two hours of hw everynight so like basically who cares… i’m smart not athletic so ill be finnneeeeee

what instrument do you play?? i used to play the clarinet like in middle school but then we got a new teacher and i hated him HAHA so i dropped it

(YEEESSSS I WANNA HEAR ABT YOUR DAY??? why is everyone getting like really bad nosebleeds 😭 like ARE YOU OKAY…..? WHAT IS WRONG 😭😭😭 don’t fall down the stairs 💔💔 and also i’m really doubting if you’re a good cook bc how do you BURN TOAST LIKE IT JUST POPS OUT OF THE TOASTER OR AM I DUMB IM PROBABLY DUMB BUT IDK I DONT GET IT)

(i missed you toooooo baby the rest of my day yesterday was ok, not much to say tbh… my dad made burgers for dinner but like idk they were very weird 😭😭 i didn’t like them. ok and as i’m saying this i’m realizing that might not have been beef patties and they might have been my brother’s venison so that’s fun. i might throw up i love deer wtf 😭😭😭 like this might make me spiral i cant)

(and my day so far is ok i’m in study hall rn so i’m GOOD but my algebra teacher gave us like a crap ton of work so i will not be having a fun day today 😭 but that is a problem for later 🤞🤞)

(you make me so happy i’m always giggling 🤭🤭)

[chronologicalimplosion]

I think the thing that's currently fucking me up the most about whatever formerly-gifted kid flavor of neurodivergence it is that I've got, at this particular life stage, is still the minefield of setting expectations with new people.

For most of my life, authority figures and colleagues have been pretty neatly divided into "people who judged me at my worst, most burnt-out and struggling and decided I was a lost cause" and "people who met me during or stuck around long enough to witness a period of High Output, and decided I was the coming of the next mundane workplace Messiah". I've gotten to the place where I know that I can't keep my highest most hyperfocused least taking-care-of-my-basic-needs level of ~productivity~ up for long, and that I struggle with regulating the highs and lows, and that may be my battle for the rest of my life… but it's always the perceptions that trip me up.

I'm acutely aware of the fact that people judge me based on the current level of productive good citizen neurotypicality I'm managing to ape during that first impression window. Not everyone, but enough. And no amount of self-inner-work is going to change that reality. I just have to decide what I want to do about it, what with some unknowable percentage of people who may or may not be making career-altering decisions

It just. Sucks that there's no way for someone to meet both ends of the spectrum at once, or to understand where exactly they're meeting me at without it sounding like I'm bullshitting. And "I'm having a burnt-out month because I was operating at 300% during the first week to meet a deadline" isn't actually going to get the government of [redacted] to accept that I should just get whatever working hours I want actually.

Every new start has been harder and harder as I've gotten past college age, because I'm still trying to buy myself into people's good graces when I first meet them so they remember me as a Hard Worker Going Through A Rough Spell and not their burnout inconsistent colleague who made a bad impression and is now on a short-lived attempt to turn their disastrous life around.

The people who've been here for four years know that neither of those is the whole truth, that I'm always going to be both, and they've stuck around anyways. But every new person I meet is one more week added to the mental arithmetic of how long I have to keep the act up before I've tricked my way into their esteem. And I can feel the stress of that burning me out faster.

tl;dr- fuck a dichotomy