#me and my regular classmates had the same low amount of attendance hours but we still had two of the highest scores of our group

[lettersfrombeyondthegrave]

Btw I watched Gotham's Ed and Oz bird cages episode for the first time without sound only subtitles at my after school English course because the prof was an idiot that wouldn't teach shit so I needed a way to pass time and due to the room class lights I could barely see what was going on

[kimjoongs-main]

ohshc au - jaemin

continuation of this au

↳ requested by: this anon gave me the idea so thank you my sweet~

↳ type: bullet scenario

↳ warning(s): n/a

↳ a/n: happy 18th birthday dream boy, i hope the members shower(ed) you with love and support today! i love you very very much jaemin ❤️

ahh yes, na jaemin aka the host club’s leader aka the host club’s king aka the host clu—okay you get the idea here

jaemin’s a third year along w jeno, hyuck, and renjun but the club has been around since the beginning of his second year

at first, everyone else was kinda hestitant to go along w jaemin’s idea of starting a host club, but once they heard his reasoning they agreed

the club had humble beginnings, only a handful of guests would trickle into the music room after school, curious to see what the club was about

but the next time they came in, those guests brought their friends and their friends brought their friends and pretty soon the host club had an impressive turnout

the guests were just entranced by the dreamies and their ability to charm them, but jaemin was on a whole other level

the majority of the guests who would come were usually his regulars and trust me, jaemin had a LOT of regulars

but he didn’t seem to mind, the more the merrier right?

this boy is so cheesy it’s disgusting but his guests love it sooooo

however the other members hear it from him so often that they’ll occasionally throw a pillow at him or stuff his mouth with cake to make him shut up cough renjun cough

he’s in charge of the club’s daily concepts and it’s both a good thing and a bad thing, good bc he always comes up with themes that entertain the guets, and bad bc the costumes are fucking ridiculous slfkskwk :’))

but the others smile thru it bc the guests’ happiness is their number one priority

jaemin tries to make sure every guest leaves happy, no matter if they’re his guest or not, and so far he’s succeeded......until now

a new girl had come into the music room one day, she had just transferred from a different school and heard from her classmates about the host club and decided to check it out for herself

and the second she entered the room she was met with jaemin holding a red rose in front of her as he smiled brightly and flashed her a wink

“well hello my darling, i haven’t seen you around here before. what’s your name?”

the new girl kinda just scrunched her nose and rolled her eyes, much to jaemin’s surprise, and she walked past him, moving deeper into the room

jaemin looked after her worriedly but let it go as soon as he heard his guests calling for him

the entire time, the new girl just stood in the far corner and observed everythimg thru narrowed eyes

it eventually came to a point where everyone was aware of her presence and they all became uncomfortable

jeno walked up to jaemin and whispered in his ear “hey jae, what do we do about her? she’s making the guests feel awkward” and jaemin gets up and says he’ll handle it

when he walks over to her, he plasters a gentle smile on his face again “is something wrong, lovely? why are you here by yourself? would you like to—“

“you people disgust me” she hisses

jaemin freezes and so does mark and hyuck, as they were the closest ones

“i’m...i’m sorry?”

the girl huffs and uncrosses her arms, pointing an accusing finger at jaemin “you guys are basically manipulating these girls, telling them how beautiful and lovely they are, but you don’t really mean it do you? admit it, you guys are just doing this for yourselves right? to see how many girls you can score?”

at this point the entire room has their eyes fixed on jaemin and the new girl, and renjun has heard enough so he gets up and stomps over to them

“you’ve got it all wrong, that isn’t what we’re about! we��re not doing this to get girls, you can’t just walk in here and assume—“

renjun was interrupted by jaemin holding his hand up and giving him a look, then he turned back to the girl with a serious look on his face “i apologize miss, but i’m afraid you have the wrong idea. the club’s foundation isn’t built on what you’re accusing us of. if you wish to know, then i’d be happy to speak privately with you but not now, i have guests to keep company.”

jaemin then turned around to walk back, but not before he looked over his shoulder one last time “you’re free to stay if you like, but if you’re just going to stand there and stare at everyone, then i’ll kindly ask you to leave, thank you”

the girl chose to leave and for the rest of the day, the members and guests were in low spirits

when the club closed for the day, jaemin went home by himself, which was different from his usual antic where he’d take the other members out for some food and just hang out, but today seemed to rlly bring him down

all everyone else could do was sadly watch him walk down the street to his house

the next day wasn’t any better, after the new girl’s outburst the other day, fewer guests came to the music room that day

when asked why their friends didn’t show up, they said that it was bc of what happened

and to make matters worse, rumors started spreading around the school about how jaemin was actually a player and he only started the club to make easy money and meet girls

of course none of that was true, but jaemin chose not to say anything, much to the surprise of everyone else

“jae, you know those rumors aren’t true so why aren’t you saying anything to defend yourself?”

jaemin just smiled at his friends “do you guys believe those rumors?” and they all shook their heads vigorously, making jaemin smile wider

“good, then that’s all that matters. people can say what they want about me, their opinions don’t matter. as long as the seven of us know the truth, then that’s all i need” he patted chenle and jisung’s shoulders before slinging his backpack over his shoulder

“besides, we still have some guests who continue to enjoy our company, wouldn’t want to keep them waiting right?”

when the seven of them walked into the music room, they were surprised to see you standing by the door

mark was the first to greet you “oh, hey y/n what are you doing here?”

you were the a member of the newspaper club and due to low fundings, your club leader had you go out and find out what you could about the host club and write a juicy story about them

he claimed that if you could create a story that exposed the club for who they really are, then the school would buy more newspapers which meant more funding for the club

you didn’t wanna do it, considering you were really close with mark, but you had no choice if you wanted the newspaper to survive.....so here you were

“oh um...i’m here to do a story on the host club....f-for the school newsp—“

“forget it y/n, we know what you’re up to” hyuck cut you off w a sneer and you winced, but before you could reply jaemin walked up to you with a small but dazzling smile on his face

“a news story about the host club? that’s fantastic! i’m in” and everyone’s just like what the hell jae you just said—

“i don’t care what people have to say about me, but i’m not going to let anyone slander our club’s reputation, so i’m willing to do this” he looked back at me “under one condition”

“and that is??”

“before you publish your story, i want to read it first. i won’t say anything about it, i just want to read it. do we have a deal?” he stuck his hand out and you stared at for a second before shaking it “.....deal”

jaemin grinned and clapped his hand on your shoulder “well, it’s a pleasure to have you here y/n”

for the next few weeks, you’ve been attending the usual club hours and observing how the hosts interact with the guests, occasionally asking them questions about the club and how it works

you’ve been attending their club meetings too, but to your surprise, all they do is discuss a theme for the next day and then jaemin takes you all out for some food and just hang out

one time, you were curious as to why jaemin and the others continued on w the club despite the rumors so you decided to ask

he ponders your question for a moment before he looks at you with a gentle look on his face

“because we’re all invested in this club y/n, the other hosts have become my second family and making our guests happy is what we all love to do. it’s not for the money or the chance to meet girls, but to make someone’s day just a little brighter”

you wrote down his response, but you were a little shocked to say the least, you didn’t expect that to come from him

a few more days pass and now you’re just about ready to edit and publish your paper, but it’s not quite what you expected

you were sent to write a juicy, gossip story about the host club, but instead all your notes said good things about it

the time you spent with the hosts, especially jaemin, opened your eyes and you realized that those rumors were untrue, the host club wasn’t some way for the members to meet girls, and jaemin wasn’t a player at all

he genuinely cared about everyone who walked into that room and made it his goal to have them walk out happier than when they walked in

you thought about it for a moment before you knew what you had to do

later that night, you pieced the story together, making sure to include every little detail and the next morning, you handed jaemin a copy

but to your surprise, he gave it back to you

“i thought you wanted to read it before it was published?”

but jaemin shook his head and shoved his hands into his pockets “nah it’s okay. i’ll trust your judgement”

you were left speechless as jaemin reached up to ruffle your hair, smiling at you once more before walking to class

later that same day, you published the article with a headline that said: “the truth about the host club”

and when you bumped into jaemin in the hallway, he waved a copy of the newspaper in your face and chuckled “i knew i could trust your judgement y/n, thank you”

thanks to you, not only did the host club gain most of its guests back, but the newspaper reached a new peak in fundings bc of the amount of copies that were sold that day, it was a win-win situation

as for jaemin, the rumors about him stopped circulating thru the school and everyone finally knew the his real motives

even the girl who had caused the whole thing came in one day and apologized sincerely for making assumptions

after the article about the host club was published, none of the hosts really got see you around the school anymore

but one day

it was another normal day for the hosts when they heard a gentle knock on the door

mark opened the door only for you to walk inside

the hosts all greeted you warmly

“hey y/n! long time no see, how’ve you been?” hyuck asked

“i’ve been doing great, and i can see you all feel the same”

they all smiled at you before jisung piped up “whatcha doing here y/n? are you doing another story on us?”

you smiled “actually no....i came here as a guest”

seven pairs of eyes widened in shock at your statement

“i hope you guys don’t mind”

“of course we don’t mind y/n!” chenle threw his arm around your shoulder “alrighty then, take your pick! which one of us is more your type?”

you looked around at all their faces before your eyes landed on jaemin

you smirked “well, i’ve actually been really interested in the princely types lately so..”

[zubelcas-blog]

I have a severe social anxiety, these are the opening words as I struggled to find a better way to word it. Back in August, i spoke to my IB coordinator about my CAS. I remember asking her whether I can still finish it, she said “yes, haven’t you seen the mail I sent you?”. “Of course” - I lied as not to show the fact that I was too stressed to read the content of it. I can also recall a conversation we’ve had in March or so, where she had asked my why is it that I am so often unprepared for school or late with my duties. My answer had her in quite a disbelief, understandably so, as I argued that when I spend time with others in the IB room, as I hear them talk school, I get so stressed out, it actually paralyses me. What’s worse, throughout the years I had developed this retarded, (I’m not afraid to use this word) persona, that has stuck to me in the public eye. Last year I had literally won “the social student of the year award” despite not attending literally 2 parties a year, to many I wasn’t invited, but I wouldn’t have come anyway, and despite not even being there to receive it, as I didn’t want to see anyone. People must have voted ironically, since a part of this persona was to do everything ironically. As stupid as it sounds, it did wonders, because when you set a goal to do everything in reverse, being an anti-social person, suddenly you come across as a life of the party. Furthermore as I was gathering thoughts, with the intent of writing this, I also came to notice, that not a single person whom I had met in high school, has ever been to my place. Not a single classmate that I had for these 3 years, actually knew me, let alone a teacher. What I’m doing now is writing a CAS reflection, hopefully the final one, explaining my trials and tribulations, because that has been a longtime bane of me. I remember the backlash i got from my CAS coordinator for the first couple of reflections that I posted. She called me out as clowning, making a joke of IB, not treating it seriously. But i couldn’t publish it in any other form, it was to be either obnoxiously unserious, or it wasn’t to be at all, and as such to no surprise, I couldn’t push myself to publish any reflections for quite some time, thus creating a vicious cycle, where I don’t publish for fear of being rejected, so I get stressed out that I’m going to fail due to not passing the required amount of hours etc. It took me roughly a year and a half to publish something that the CAS coordinator deemed legitimate, but I felt so exposed for having done that, as I had finally written roughly how I feel (still nowhere close to this one). She often had doubted that I do any physical activities on the basis of me being skinny, it felt awful to be doubted like that, I was doing some lifting in my cellar, but of course there isn’t going to be any muscle, I was borderline anorectic, having weighted 51 KG at 1.73m as a male.

Apart from writing reflections, the other hardship for me was service. Creativity - was able to do music in the confines of my room, Action - as above stated, getting this featherweight isn’t just “not eating”. But service is a whole other beast, it requires you to actually go out to people. But how can you help others when you can’t even help yourself. Back in the first and second grade I participated in WOSP, a nationwide Christmas-time fundraiser for people in need. Over several hours of standing out in the cold, one time I managed to get 116 PLN, where 50 was literally thrown in by my father. I was just unable to reach out to people and ask them for a donation. I just stood there like a blank silhouette. When I heard back in Ib room that some people got upwards of 600, I felt so bad I chose not to write about it, I remember once telling my CAS coordinator that I had done WOSP as service, I told her that I technically did it as 2, since a fiend got sick just before it, so I went out with both my and her can. But because of the aforementioned stupid character that I have created over the years, the coordinator probably didn’t believe me. Can’t blame her, I have quite possibly birthed the least credible persona imaginable. She would often say that I’m a terrible liar. Which was true, but it went further than that, I wouldn’t believe myself, I would say things that were true as if it was a lie, just not let people know how I really felt. At times I’d have conversations with people that at one point had me saying “you don’t know me at all”, only to have the other person roll their eyes saying “sure, I don’t” thinking that I’m so easy to see through. After a while I decided to delete the entire blog with these silly reflections. To kind of start anew. As a part of this I enlisted myself as a helping hand for local allotment houses. I’m going to post a written certificate of me aiding them in a variety of listed ways. It was signed in August shortly after the conversation with my coordinator, but it holds true till this day. The reason why I’m writing this reflection now, is because, for one this Tuesday was the last time that I was able to do anything in these allotment houses this year. And secondly, and crucially, because as I spoke to my IB coordinator on the said day in August, as we said our byes, and I was going down the flight of stairs, she told me “bet you don’t want to be doing this till December”. Firstly I thought to myself “I have time till December?” But then it struck me as actually redeeming if I keep doing it till December. So here I am in December, writing the realest things I ever wrote.

Of the learning outcomes, I have most definitely done each at least once, with others on a regular basis, I perhaps didn’t show enough commitment to and perseverance in CAS experiences, as I haven’t been doing service for first four months of the second grade. I also have shown little of my own initiative. But I still think doing anything is an achievement. Having dug in my drawer looking for old proof of me doing CAS (such as WOSP IDs) I came across an almost 5 year old paper from a clinic (for lack of a better word) which states “an additional study has shown low score of studying motivation, however simultaneously a high level of school stress.” May I add that this is the same paper that having turned it to school, has allowed me to write my finals on a computer. It is pretty legitimate, but I’m not bringing it up to make excuses, but to make a point, a point that I’ve been like this for quite a long time now, and despite not being most consistent and diligent at doing service, doing any service for such a person feels like climbing a mountain. As part of my CAS project I did a charity fair with my classmate Przemek and Szymon. Szymon’s share was that he was the direct connection to the charity that we were aiding, he was doing things on the back end. Przemek did majority of the actual physical setup of the desks etc. My part was to make posters, and to have them all around the school. The reason why I never made any reflection on it, is because I had genuinely thought of it as a done deal, after Przemek went around recording the whole day with a go pro cam. Which i found really off putting, but some people just belong to that selfie culture, of documenting every single thing they happen to do. and it really bothers me, because these people have it some much easier at CAS. I wish I were such a person. But I never made any photos, unless I was actually on the edge of failing, for fear of failing. Once again, lack of initiative bites me, but I never did any photos because I just figured “who cares”. I have always had all of my friends on facebook unfollowed, I literally don’t see what others are doing. Over the last 6 months I had ex classmates ask me if I’m alive, not only have I not responded, I haven’t even clicked on it, so for them it shows the message as “unread”.  You couldn’t make these things up. I’m not writing this to garner mercy or sympathy, but actually to show progress, if anything, I’m bragging in the strangest of ways. Treat it as a testimony, that I actually had done CAS, it made me write the things I did, all in all it was thanks to it. For lack of a better way to end it. I’m just going to stop here.

[shannnooonnn]

A Second Chance

I cherish the small things in life because even your prized possessions can be taken away from you in the blink of an eye. I wish I would have learned this much earlier before my first college experience. Words cannot explain how much love I have for the sport of football. It is my favorite sport and it will always remain that. Coming into high school I have never played football before in my life so I thought I’d try it out. I would always watch football on television, but I have never really had the real experience. My friends were quite surprised that I was so unfamiliar with everything that came with football. I felt like I just moved from a foreign country learning to play the sport of football for the first time. Something as simple as strapping up my helmet and shoulder pads was anomalous to me. Around my sophomore year, I became very good at it and began to play varsity that same year. I played three years on varsity, and during my senior year I was searching for football scholarships. After my final high school football game, coaches started to stop by and talk to me. What I failed to realize is that I needed to have almost excellent grades to attend to the school I wanted to. During my senior year I did not have the best grades but they were good enough for me to attend college. Time passed by and I was losing hope for my dream of playing college football. My mind was later changed one day while I was in class. A college coach, by the name Bradley Chavez, offered me a scholarship to play football at Texas A&M University-Kingsville. It’s a Division 2 school located in Kingsville, Texas. A small town near Corpus Christi. My dream had finally come true and all my hard work paid off. The first person I told the great news to was my mother, who of course, could not wait to tell my entire family. Although this was a great accomplishment, I believed making my mother proud was a lot more important. After everything she has done for me in my life this was my way of repaying her.

Leaving Houston for college was a huge change in my life that I would later become accustomed to. I missed all my friends and family and I was finally being detached from the place I grew up in. It was time to begin a new life and move on to bigger and better things. Since I played football for the school, I had to report there early because of football camp. All the football players roomed together in the same dorms. This helped all of us build relationships with each other considering some of us were meeting each other for the first time. Most of the activities we participated in during the summer were team bonding activities. I became much closer with all my teammates as football season inched closer. Later that week, I found out I was going to become a true freshman and play in my first college football game the following week. I was nervous yet as focused as I’ve ever been for any game in my football career. This was one of the most exciting moments of my life. My family and friends traveled three and a half hours just to come and see me play. Later on in the season, we had another very important game that would determine if we would make the playoffs or not. This game was around the mid season point so the weather was beginning to get very cold and rainy. Our coach told us that the weather may have been a factor in this game but to not think too highly of it. Unfortunately, he was wrong. Not only was it a freezing temperature during this game, but there was also a severe rain and lightning delay. This delay interrupted our regular game routine so everything ended up being pushed back. About two hours after the scheduled game time, the weather began to clear up. Although the game was beginning to start, we were not able to perform our usual stretch routine so everyone had to stretch individually. I tried to stretch myself out as much as I could knowing it would not be hard to strain a muscle in this cold weather. The opposing team was receiving the ball first, and I was on the kickoff unit of our team. When the ball was the kicked, of course I ran as fast as could I down the field. Halfway down the field, my right leg completely gave out. I was in shock at the moment because this was my freshman season and I did not want to become injured. A few moments later, the trainers told me I had torn my anterior cruciate ligament. In other words, I had a badly torn ACL. I was going to miss the rest of the season. I was extremely discouraged and this news brought my confidence to an all time low. I called my mother to tell her the bad news and she was just as sad I was. “Don’t let this bring you down Shannon. Recover from it and be better than you were before”, she told me. The light that she tried to shine on me weren’t bright enough because of the dark clouds of depression this injury brought. Instead of getting stronger, faster, and preparing myself for the next football season, I would spend most of the offseason recovering from this unfortunate injury. Ever since the injury I was feeling down and nothing could put me in a better mood.

Considering I had this major injury I was required to go rehab every single day of the week. The depression had spread to every part of my body at this point. Not only was I out for the season, but I also could not participate in many events with my team. I felt as if I let them down. As the year went by, I began to slowly lose focus on my school work and hang out with my friends more. I was not living for myself anymore. I was studying less, not waking up for class, and even missed test dates and big projects. Since there was no football, what was the point? I dedicated my efforts to everything else and nothing towards school. Ironically, my school work was not my main priority while I was in college. It was all of the luxuries that came along with it. The parties, drinking, going to clubs, and all the other college activities were more critical to me than the actual reason for college. My attitude completely changed and because of that my grades suffered. I was so caught up in this college life I wasn’t aware of how it would severely backfire. At this moment in my life, I was completely destroyed on the inside, and that nothing would boost my confidence back up to where it once was. I dreaded doing any type of assignments for school so I would procrastinate continuously. Hanging out with my friends all the time caused me to forget what was even more important than football: My education. I was so blinded by this injury that it took away the spotlight from school.

The first semester was ending and it finally dawned upon me that it was too late. The months of procrastinating, being lazy, and partying finally caught up with me in the end. In my very first semester of college, I failed all of my classes and ended up losing the scholarship I once dreamed about. From my perspective, there was no coming back from this. I was a failure and I was disgusted with myself. Everyone had such high hopes for me, and I just threw it away as if it meant nothing. The hardest part about of all this is how I was going to tell my mother. The one person I look up to in this world I would eventually have to disappoint with this horrible news. Letting down the person that inspires me the most in everything I do is the worst feeling I have ever felt. She would call me every week asking me how I felt and how my grades were. Knowing that my grades were slowly plummeting, I would still tell her that school was going great as usual. As final’s week was approaching, I knew there was no possible way of me classing. With the slight amount of dignity I had left in me, I decided to take my finals for all of my classes knowing it would be the last time I would see any of my teachers or classmates again. This was one of the most difficult times in my life and the decisions I had to make at this point were even harder. Christmas break for school had just began, and I was still contemplating on how to bring the bad news to my mother. One day during the break, a phone call came to my house. I was upstairs but I could still overhear what my mother was saying. She was speaking with the school and I knew it would go downhill from there. “Are you kidding me?’, she said as she talked to the school. Those four words spoke louder than anything else she said during that phone call. They screamed disappointment and sorrow. In this moment, there was no sympathy for my injury, not that I expected to receive any. I broke down and cried for hours on this day wondering how I would recover from this or why I even put myself in this predicament in the first place. The fantasy world I once lived in was just a memory to me now. Reality just hit me with everything it had.

The process of taking all of my things out of dorm was just as hard. Every little item I took out sparked a memory inside of my head. I was not ready to leave college but at the same time I was also not ready for college. Telling all of my teammates goodbye was also very hard. Although I am sure they felt sorry for me, they were disappointed in me as well. I let all of them down and it was all my fault. During the process of me being removed from school, I had a very long talk with my position coach, Parker Cundiff. Not only was Coach Cundiff a great coach, he gave us life lessons as well. Ironically, he would always make sure our grades were good to make sure that we could play. When I told him about my failing grades he was disappointed but also sympathetic. Coach Cundiff was the coach for the linebackers and he seemed like a father figure to all of us. He explained to me how this was just a minor setback in my life and that I will eventually overcome all of this. He was a great guy and always looked for a positive outcome. One day, as we were walking and talking, he told me, “You can always call me for anything and you’ll always have a spot here in Kingsville.” Those words of encouragement lit a fire inside me that I wish I had before I failed out of school. Coach Cundiff somehow made this tragedy a little bit more enjoyable. Although I failed all of my classes, Coach Cundiff wanted me to improve my grades just so I could come back and play football for him. I guess he saw more potential in myself than I did and I really appreciated that from him. Coach turned out to be right considering I have been doing great since my minor setback. I have accomplished great things ever since I failed out of college. Right after I left school, I got a job at a moving company. Since I was not in school at the time, my goal was to save up money so I could end up purchasing myself a car. I achieved that goal raising enough to money to buy my first car this past summer. I also took some initiative and took some summer classes to put myself somewhat ahead in school. Surprisingly, I started off with extremely good grades and I never looked back. I have followed the same path ever since I started college for the second time. It took a second time for me to realize how important my grades were. My mother, who is also very proud of me, knew I could do this all along. She admires the way I have matured and how I take school very seriously now. I understand now that in order to become successful in life you must have an education. It is a lot more difficult for people without degrees to find jobs than it is for the people who already have a degree. School is now the number one priority in my life.

Nothing in life comes easy and you must work hard to achieve your goals. There are no handouts in life and everything must be earned. This tragic experience helped me realize how important it is to work hard and stay focused. I loved football dearly and it was taken away from me before I even got to enjoy it. If I would have realized how difficult my journey was going to be, I would have worked hard from the beginning. Of course I regret failing out of college and losing my football scholarship, but at the same time I used this as a learning experience. Some of my other friends have also experienced the same tragedy. One of my closest friends told me his story and I felt as if I was talking to myself. We had the same problems and overcame the same way. A famous quote says, “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” This setback very helpful considering that it shaped me to become a much stronger and wiser person. I have learned to not take situations lightly and to make the most out of every opportunity I receive.