#me and my homies hate metal rendering

[theribbajack]

The Scarlet Valkyrie

[tainted-liquor]

'Baby Mama.˚ *꒰ঌ✦໒꒱ * ˚.

Father!Hobie Brown x Mama!BlackFem!Reader Ingredients: Extra sugar, kisses, and tons of smiles! TWs: Dumb dad Hobie, cussing, thas it W/C: 891 A/N: You have a son🥺

It had been about 3 months since you and Hobie welcomed a tiny bundle of blue into the world. To say he was head over heels was an understatement; he was enamored. There were a couple of times where he popped a nigga with the force of a bullet train in the name of your son, Renzo, for various reasons. He popped Miles for "holding him the wrong way", judo-flipped Pav for attempting to hold the baby's hand, and absolutely smashed Miguel for even breathing too hard at his son during his nap time. He was the most adoring and doting father you had ever seen before Lil Renzie could even open his eyes.

Initially, Renzo wasn't a planned baby, as fucked up as that sounds. Hobie didn't quite believe in bringing another life form into an economy that was falling apart at every turn, rendering it impossible to live without relying on some sort of capitalist company. But by no means take this as a hint that he was in ANY capacity a deadbeat, absolutely not. He hated the idea of bringing a child into a world of pure evil but hated the idea of abandoning a human being somewhere out in the world even more and leaving all the responsibility on his mother. If the kid is his, IT'S HIS. So when he got the call that you were in labor, he dropped whatever it was he was doing.

"Yeah love, y'alright?" He cooed almost as soon as he answered the loud ringtone of his 1000 BCE phone. "Hey, so I don't wanna worry you or anything, but my water broke n' we're on our way to the...Hello?" You pulled your phone to your face to look at the screen, only to see that Hobie had hung up. You thought that maybe the call dropped and he was out on a mission, but no; Hobie was rapidly approaching your location from his watch, heaving and panting as he practically flung himself out of HQ. It took him a total of 2 minutes to seemingly appear by your side. "I'M 'ERE! IM 'ERE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENIN'-" He yelled in the middle of the hospital. From that point forward, everything was chaos.

It took several midwives and you to calm him down, and 9 doctors to wrestle him out of the delivery room when it came time for you to push. Best believe he was still there every step of the way, despite the plethora of faculty asking for him to leave the room. At the end of the day, nobody wanted beef with the 6 foot 5 tall ass punk man with the meanest resting bitch face of all time, so they miraculously left him alone and let him be present for the entire birth. And when your son was finally born, he started baby bawling right along with him. Yes, he was crying as loud as humanly possible.

"Here, sweets you hold him-...are you crying?"

"No." He muttered with his eyes literally full of tears.

From that day forward, all he ever did was spend time with his son. Whenever he went to HQ he would insist on keeping Renzo so you could "get some rest", sticking him to his back as he did idle tasks, getting into nonsensical babble wars, and helping him learn how to stick to walls. Whenever he was allowed to dress up Renzo, he had the little homie dressed down in spikes, black leather, and a mini version of whatever outfit he had on without fail. He even made him a mini version of his guitar out of some plywood, rubber bands, and spare metal. There were times when Hobie would help Renzo "play" his fake guitar, muttering some of his song lyrics in the process.

You woke up from your cat nap to hear giggles coming from Hobie and Renzo in the living room. You shuffled your way out of your bedroom to see what was happening, and instantly covered your mouth so they wouldn't realize you were there just yet. Hobie stood in the middle of the living room, arms crossed, and staring at the tiny baby on the couch. "Ah-! Don't laugh at me, young man. You need to start learning how to be a proper Spider-Man!" he 'argues' as he holds back giggles. Renzo offers him a sleepy blink and yet another fit of laughter as he falls over on his side. You silently emerge from the doorframe, picking up your son and holding him near Hobie's face.

"C'monn, he's only a baby! Tell daddy I don't need to be a Spider-man just yet" you coached with a kiss to the side of the baby face. "I need to focus on being mommy's baby!" you giggled. "Ahh, c'mon. He should be able to stick to walls already, yeah?" He snickered. You rolled your eyes as you watched Renzo practically jump from your hands to Hobie's, earning a loud laugh from your 'husband.' "See? Proper Spider-Man! Yeah, mate!" he chuckled as he held a squirming Renzo. He watched as his tiny feet kicked and danced in his red and blue "Spider-Punk" onesie Hobie knicked from his world. You watched as his small grin turned into a full grin and his waterline pricked with tears.

"Don't cry, Hobie."

"'m not."

[thatdarkcloudoverthere]

I'm an extremely strange person, and even strange people deserve to engage with content they enjoy and avoid upsetting things so here is my obscure list of things I'm into vs things I don't like seeing for anyone who plans to have interaction with me. Please respect me by only sharing content with me that I'm comfortable with.

Into:

•blood, guts, gore etc. especially artistic renderings of such subject matter but also real stuff.

•dirty filthy real life, puked on clothes, moldy walls (exception being cases of child neglect)

•horror, horror movies, horror art, horror books, spooky and scary stuff.

•bones and taxidermied creatures (I plan to have my cats tail done when she dies)

•obscure mental health, I do not judge people for anything including self harm, bulimia, DID, and personality disorders even psychopathy. Be crazy in front of me, I'm crazy too and I love talking about it.

•human bodies including if you resemble a skeleton or a beluga whale, have lots of scars or are visibly ill, won't trigger me, and I love looking at people.

•substances, ones I do and don't do, live your life homie.

•also some "normal" things like art in general, metal music, and alternative fashion are among my interests.

Not triggered by:

•death, dead bodies, talk of death

•seeing sh cuts

•sexual stuff, smutty fan fics, nude art, talking about your sexcapades

•talking about eds, body weight, behaviours.

•people disagreeing with me

•politics/who you voted for

•talk of suicide

Triggers/things I DO NOT like:

•promotion of homeschooling (homeschooling parents DNI)

•child neglect, hearing about or seeing child neglect

•animals being harmed (exceptions being a carnivorous animal eating another animal for food and humans hunting for food)

•religious extremism

•Christian based queerphobia

•SPECIFIC types of sexual assault being depicted graphically or spoken of intensely (things similar to my experience)

•people being happy in situations where they should be sad i.e. laughing while getting tortured

•this one is hard to avoid but I'll let you know if you do it: quoting my mother

Just for shits and giggles my paraphelias:

(please be over 18 when reading this part)

(seriously, minors, this isn't for you, go away!)

•control of physical needs, breath, bathroom stuff, movement etc.

•signs of the encounter afterwards i.e. bruises, hickies, feelings of weakness or soreness, fucked up hair, fucked up makeup.

•heavy makeup especially on men, manlier the man the hotter that is

•sexual extremes i.e. insertion of really big things, everything being filled at one time, intensive vibrating or even electrical things.

•nonverbal communication/not having to talk in words. I fucking hate talking, Id prefer it if the other party makes it so I cannot.

•personality filthy individuals, think motley crue.

•lastly as much as I'm a little ashamed of this one, skinny people. No shade to my fellow fatasses but there's something about bones that get me.