#me and gin are HOWLING y’all don’t get it

[amethyst-crowns]

how did I somehow pick two moots’ mos hated animals fuck me I also have a bird tTtoo good answer though. #robin buckley I would die for you

also my favorite bird is every bird ever but specifically the lyrebird

so you’re a moot, huh?

[daddy-deathslinger]

could i request deathslinger helping a male s/o through a depressive episode? if not, thats okay! thank you anyways :)

Hi there! I’m sorry this has been taking me a while to write, but I hope you’re happy with what I came up with. Thanks so much for the request and have a nice day! ❤

"You're my everything" - Caleb Quinn/The Deathslinger x Male S/O

CW; Depression, alcohol

The snowstorm didn’t seem to ever want to calm down. The howling wind made the cabin squeal and moan, and the sounds alone made your body tense up. Luckily, Caleb and the boys had gotten a fire started in the fireplace and soon the whole cabin bathed in the warm light from the flames. It could almost be a bit cosy, if it hadn’t been for your mood dropping suddenly. It did that alot these days, and today was no exception, even though it was Christmas eve and all. You hadn’t been feeling like yourself lately. You had been very tired, even though you got enough sleep, and you’d felt like nothing mattered or brought you joy,  even though you were part of one of America’s most famous bounty hunter gangs. Not to mention you were courting the leader, Caleb Quinn. You loved Caleb more than anything else in this world, and spending Christmas together with him was amazing. And yet, you didn’t feel amazed at all.

“Well, certainly not the Christmas eve I was expecting, but who am I to complain?”

O’Sullivan sat down at the fireplace and got out a bottle of gin from his coat. 

“Happy Christmas, y’all!” he continued, taking a sip from the bottle.

The five of you had been trekking in the mountains, hunting an especially difficult bounty, when the snowstorm had taken over. Luckily, you had found an abandoned cabin and taken shelter there. Now the fire was rumbling in the fireplace, the boys were sitting down and getting out their whiskey and gin, and you and Caleb sat down a bit away from the group. 

“How you feelin’?” Caleb asked.

“Fine”, you lied, but you knew Caleb could read you like an open book these days.

“Wondering what the other boys are up to tonight”, Murphy said, handing his bottle of whiskey to Byrne. 

“Probably getting cosy in a pub or some whorehouse in town!” O’Sullivan laughed. “They better not be taking a day off just because it’s Christmas, we sure weren’t planning to.”

“I knew we shouldn’t have split up, leaving them to enjoy the comfort of a town while we’re out here in the cold”, Byrne muttered.

“Hey now, this is a cosy Christmas eve I’d say! And the company could be a lot worse”, O’Sullivan said, getting a “cheers” from Murphy. 

You looked at the happy men, envying them a bit. Sometimes you felt like Caleb deserved someone else than you, someone that didn’t let their mood drop this easily. 

“Hey…” Caleb whispered, as if he had been reading your thoughts. “What’s the matter?”

You sighed, not looking at him, and scratched your stubble. 

“I don’t know, I really don’t… It’s just… Not good”, you mumbled, and Caleb grunted to let you know he listened.

“You cold? Hungry?”

You shook your head, letting out another sigh. You could feel Caleb searching for something in his coat pocket, and when you looked over he held a bottle of Cactus Wine in his hand. You smiled at Caleb as he gave you a questioning look.

“Want some?”

Again, you shook your head.

“Not feelin’ it.”

Caleb nodded and took a swig of the mix of tequila and peyote tea, then put away the bottle again.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked, and you noticed his voice got a bit more careful.

It almost made you smile. Caleb Quinn, wanting to talk about feelings. It was really heartwarming to know that he cared so deeply about you.

“I don’t know, I just feel… off”, you said. “There’s no colour, there’s no warmth, there’s nothing, just… nothing… ”

Your voice trailed off, but Caleb nodded. He cleared his throat quietly.

“You feel like everything. To me, atleast.” 

At those words, you felt your heart ache with affection towards the man. You let out a sigh and blinked a few times so as to not start crying. “I know I’m not the best with words but I truly feel like you’re my everything”, Caleb said, and you could feel his eyes on you.

You didn’t look at him, you just stared into the nothingness, not even listening to the boys chattering by the fire. Caleb and you sat like this for a while. You didn’t feel anything, no joy, no sadness. Not even love towards the man sitting next to you, even though you usually felt that in your whole being. You were a terrible partner, a fraud, a-

“Hey”, Caleb quietly whispered, and you could hear him searching for something in his coat pocket again.

You looked at him, and this time he pulled out… a tiny package. He gave it to you without a word, and you just looked at it in shock. It was very badly wrapped in newspaper, he must have wrapped it himself.

“Merry Christmas, darlin’”, he whispered, and you couldn’t help the tears forming in your eyes. 

“Caleb, I… I didn’t get you anything, I thought we weren’t-”

“It’s okay, love”, Caleb chuckled. “I want you to have this.”

You blinked a couple of times, staring at Caleb and back to the tiny package in your hand.

With trembling hands, you quickly opened the wrapping, revealing a golden wrist watch. You stared down at the watch, not believing your eyes. 

“Caleb, this… It must have cost a fortune!”

Caleb shrugged and said: “I always give you gifts I’ve looted from someone, I wanted to actually buy you a present this year.”

You wiped your teary eyes, and suddenly your heart couldn’t take all the pain anymore. You rose up from the bench, clenching the watch in your hand.

“Caleb, you don’t deserve any of this”, you said, your voice trembling. “You deserve to be with someone who’s not… who’s not me. I don’t deserve you, and we both know you’d be better off with someone else.”

Caleb blinked in confusion, staring up at you.

“Darlin’, what on earth are ya-”

“I’m a miserable piece of shit, Caleb, and you know it. I-I can’t control my mood and I don’t want you being around a sad lump like me!”

Your whole body trembled at this point, the tears welling in your eyes. You angrily wiped them away, looking away from Caleb. The men at the fireplace had quieted down a bit, but you could hear them murmuring to each other as to not disturb you and Caleb. You angrily stared into the corner of the cabin, refusing to look at Caleb. If it must be like this, so be it. If he had to leave you, so be it. You knew you’d be even sadder without Caleb in your life, but at least you wouldn’t burden him with your mood swings. Suddenly, you heard Caleb clearing his throat. 

“Hey”, he said, and you glanced over at him. “Come here.”

“Huh?”

You furrowed your eyebrows questioningly. 

“Just come here, please,” Caleb said, gesturing for you to approach him.

He had gotten up from the bench as well, and had his arm outstretched towards you. You had no idea what he was planning, and you must admit you were a bit curious. So you carefully walked over to him, and talk about your surprise as the leader of the Hellshire gang pulled you in for a warm, strong hug. You were perplexed to say the least, Caleb never really initiated hugs. And especially not amongst other people. Sure, he was kind and loving to you, but he didn’t seem to be the type to enjoy cuddling and such. You’d always thought that was just the way he was, not the “I-need-to-be-close-to-you-now-type”, but being in his embrace now felt just right. Being in his embrace seemed to melt away all your worries and your anxiety, and suddenly you could feel the love towards him again. You hugged him back, inhaling his scent and closing your eyes. 

“I love you. Don’t ever think I want someone else than you”, he whispered, and you buried your face into his coat.

“I love you too”, you murmured.

“And if you ever feel sad, do feel sad. I’ll be here for ya, and I’ll be here when it’s over.”

Your throat clenched at Caleb’s words, and you released a trembling sigh. Looking up at him, still in his warm embrace, you finally felt at ease.

“I love you, Caleb.”

[ancientwastedlores]

I Was Your Favourite (Pt. 2)

REQUEST: Could you do a part 2 of the Loki x reader fic where he cheats on her, maybe she gets with someone else and he’s jealous. 

A/N: Thought about doing this for a while! ALSO hi, I started going for therapy, which has been great. I’ve only done 2 sessions, but if I get more gems from the session, I might even share some with y’all. Anyway, enjoy the fic! BTW let me know if you want to be tagged when I upload new fics :) 

PART I HERE

WARNINGS: Cheating, angst 

WORD COUNT: 1100

____________________________________________________________________

I Was Your Favourite (Pt. 2) 

Your new apartment is a world away from Avengers Tower; a stark departure from the reds and whites of the common rooms, and your very minimal black and white decor in your bedroom. 

Given the chance to explore your creative side without Tony’s input, you did an excellent job. 

Sometimes you do wish you could show Loki. Sometimes you wish you could share this space with him. 

But for the most part, you have moved on. You met a nice guy in the city. A normal guy with a normal job. He’s got dark curls and brown eyes, he’s quite silly sometimes and he treats you well. 

You find yourself laughing again. It’s the happiest you’ve ever been, even if you’re on edge that the same thing will happen again. 

Nobody said it would be easy, but you’re trying to take it one day at a time. 

You introduced him to your family in the Tower and they loved him. He was no genius billionaire, nor was he a fighter, but he was delightfully fun and got along with everyone. 

And it ate at Loki. 

Whether it was Jacob’s quick acceptance into the family or the fact that you were happy, you didn’t know. But Loki certainly wasn’t happy, and you knew it. You didn’t intend to hurt him, but you didn’t want to be hung up either. 

XX

‘When’s Jacob visiting again?’ Tony asks while at his desk.  ‘This is a workplace, Tony’ you laugh, ‘He can’t just pop by’.  ‘No, I was asking for... for Loki. So we can prepare him’.  ‘Prepare him?’ 

Tony looks like he just spilled something incredibly private. 

‘Um... ignore I said that?’ he asks, but of course you won’t.  ‘What’s going on, Stark?’ 

He sighs. 

‘We’re just sort of... consoling the guy. He broke up with Maria and he’s been miserable, we just don’t want it to affect our missions’.   ‘He’s a grown man... a god. He can take care of himself, you don’t need to walk on eggshells around him’.  ‘Easy for you to say, Y/N, you don’t live here anymore’. 

You keep quiet. He’s right, you have no way of knowing the chaos you left behind. 

‘Then... I’m sorry. Thank you for taking care of him’ you say.  ‘Yeah, no worries. We all like Jacob, and we’re happy for you’.  ‘Thank you. Me too’ you say fondly. 

‘So... when?’ he asks after a minute.  You smile at him. ‘He’s dying to come for Stark Expo. But only because Elon Musk will be there’. 

Tony puts a hand on his heart and acts like he has been shot, and you laugh. 

XX

‘LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...... TONY STARK!’ 

Fireworks, flares, AC/DC blaring on the speakers... all of it accompanies Tony’s grand entrance on his custom red and gold Audi. 

Jacob howls at the top of his lungs and wraps his big arms around you. 

‘Enjoying yourself?’ you ask him as he hugs you.  ‘Am I ever! I can’t believe you work here, thank you for bringing me’. 

He kisses you and you laugh against his lips. And then, from the corner of your eye, you spot Loki. Your eyes meet. 

His black suit hangs a bit loosely on his frame, suggesting he has lost weight. Not a good thing for Loki. Not a good thing for an Avenger. But you only notice this because you know him. To anybody else, he’s as handsome as ever. 

You smile at him, partly from politeness, and partly as an apology. Not that you have anything to apologize for, but it comes to you without thinking. 

Loki bows his head and ducks out of the crowd as Tony ticks off the latest inventions from Stark Industries. 

‘These new sensors basically mean you can sit back in your car and watch a movie or eat a buffet breakfast, and the car will drive itself. So I guess you can now get drunk on your road trips’. 

The crowd laughs, but Elon Musk doesn’t look very impressed. Jacob points this out to you and you chuckle politely, Loki still on your mind. 

XX

The best part of Stark Expos: the after parties. 

Everyone is decked out in their finest gowns and tuxes. Jacob looks great, and he’s mingling well with Natasha, Steve, and Bucky. Tony is doing his rounds with Pepper. Every one else is scarfing down the food like their life depends on it. 

You sit at the bar by yourself and watch as Jacob cracks up Captain America. He’s always the life of the party anyway, and you prefer to sit back. 

As you watch him, a tall figure sits beside you. A familiar voice says, ‘Gin and tonic, please’. 

You turn to see Loki. This is the closest you have been in a year. 

‘Hello’ he says, his voice hollow.  ‘Hi’. 

He looks at Jacob entertaining a crowd with his stories. ‘How are you two?’ ‘Fine. Good. And... how are you?’ 

He smiles at his lap. Once his drink is ready he takes it and stands up. 

‘I’m sorry, Y/N. I know you’re with him but... I have to say my piece’.  ‘Loki...’ ‘Allow me this, Y/N. I don’t deserve it, but allow me this’. 

You purse your lips. He takes his cue. 

‘We’ve been apart a year, and... I know he makes you happier. I know I hurt you. I wish I could go back in time and... we do have Avengers who can manage that... but it doesn’t change that what I did was wrong. 

You were the best thing that happened to me, you got me accepted into this family. You deserved better, and I... I guess you have that now. I am willing to do better, I just want you to know that. I’m not asking for a chance, I just... I don’t know what I’m asking. Just know I’m open to making amends’. 

You look at him, not knowing what to say. You really are happy with Jacob, and can’t break his heart... but part of your heart is being tugged by Loki’s. 

‘Don’t say anything...’ Loki interrupts your thoughts. ‘I don’t want to put you in an impossible position. Just... I love you. If it’s him you want, I will leave forever. I’ll go to Asgard, you can feel comfortable with the Avengers-’

‘You don’t have to leave...’ 

He smiles at you. ‘My darling... it’s not for you, it’s for me’. 

You feel physical pain in your chest and you take a deep breath. His words sit on you like a freight train and while he’s trying his best to unburden you, it isn’t working. 

‘Thank you, Loki’ you say. 

He bows his head slightly, then leaves. As he walks away, you see Jacob looking at you. You wave at him and he mouths “are you okay?”

You nod, but he still walks over. 

‘Wanna go out for ice cream?’  ‘Yes please’. 

_______________________________________

Hope you enjoyed it <3 

MASTERLIST HERE 

ASK BOX OPEN FOR FIC REQUESTS. Find GUIDELINES HERE. 

[thecloserkin]

book review: Meg Rosoff, How I Live Now (2004)

Genre: Young Adult

Is it the main pairing: yes

Is it canon: yes

Is it explicit: no

Is it endgame: yes

Is it shippable: yes

Bottom line: It finally happened, I broke my own “no cousincest—in this house we turn the TABOO dial up to eleven” rule. In my defense this book is gobsmackingly good.

Lately I’ve been mulling on the difference between books about teenagers and books for teenagers. This one is the former, and a joy to reread as an adult. Our American heroine Daisy is sent across the pond to live with her British cousins; a war breaks out; details are scant but who cares about the war, she starts fucking one of the cousins. She describes it as “falling into sexual and emotional thrall” she said THRALL I am living for it. On a scale from “pure” to “problematic” this ship is almost all light and no darkness—what darkness menaces our protagonists emanates from outside the charmed circle of their big ol’ farmhouse and their sheepdogs and their goat:

The real truth is that the war didn’t have much to do with it except that it provided a perfect limbo in which two people who were too young and too related could start kissing without anything or anyone making us stop. There were no parents, no teachers, no schedules. There was no where to go and nothing to do that would remind us that this sort of thing didn’t happen in the Real World. There no longer was any Real World.

The notion of carving out an idyll where you & the object of your desire spend all day doing nothing but drink each other up? It’s attractive even for those of us conducting mundane relationships in the “real” world. Maybe especially for those of us in the real world, where we compartmentalize our relationships and no one person can fill every filament in our universe. Daisy’s cousins live a cloistered life in the countryside and within a week she’s saying stuff like “I felt like I’d belonged to this house for centuries.” Which is an awfully dramatic way of saying she never felt like she belonged in New York. She doesn’t just fall for Cousin Edmond; she falls for the whole telepathic dog-whispering cousinly clan and their big anarchist energy. When Daisy, an only child, says “I had about as much experience with sex and boyfriends as I did with brothers and sisters,” she is intentionally conflating romantic and familial relationships and I am 1000% here for it. Sure it’s technically cousincest but it feels claustrophobic and codependent and everything I want out of an incest ship.

Every step of Daisy’s obsessive infatuation is chronicled with agonizing tenderness:

I wondered if that’s the feeling you’re supposed to have when your cousin touches a totally innocent part of your anatomy that’s fully clothed.

that’s right it’s the thought and the intention and the pining behind the touch, not the bare fact of physical contact.

Things were so intense I was sure that other people could hear the hum coming off of us.

Imagine desire rising like mist from the surface of one’s skin. And the “other people” part of the equation is important, because it’s the sneaking around behind the other kids’ backs that gives urgency to their coupling:

we started sleeping most of the daylight hours so we could be awake at night when everyone else was in bed … Then we would sleep for a little while and eventually reappear and try to act normal

But what is “normal”? There are no adults and no rules; nothing is forbidden save that they themselves deem it so. What then explains Daisy’s conviction that this is “not a good idea”? Why shroud their affair in secrecy if the most powerful reaction they provoke from smol!cousin who learns about Daisy/Edmond is “Well I’m glad you love him because I do too”? That’s pretty anticlimactic given the lengths Daisy & Edmond have gone to be stealthy. It also emphasizes (in case we’ve forgotten that Daisy has both no siblings and no boyfriends) how romantic & familial attachments spring from a common source. I think what the text is getting at here is that it’s dangerous to put all your eggs in one basket the way Daisy puts all hers in Edmond. It’s dangerous and unhealthy to make one person your whole world, as we see later when Daisy comes to much grief. At no point, however, does she regret her decision.

we could try and try to get enough of each other but it was llike some witch’s curse where the more we tried to stop being hungry the more starving we got.

That’s a hard-hitting simile right there. The thing about curses in fairy tales is they don’t always do what they’re designed to do; frequently they accomplish different ends entirely. If we look at what Daisy’s insatiable hunger for Edmond is displacing we note that Daisy is no stranger to the feeling of constant, gnawing, unsatiated hunger because Daisy has an eating disorder. In her own words:

at first not wanting to get poisoned by my stepmother and how much it annoyed her and how after a while I discovered I liked the feeling of being hungry and the fact that it drove everyone stark raving mad and cost my father a fortune in shrinks and also it was something I was good at.

…which is just about the world’s most cogent account of eating disorders as quests for control & autonomy. By the end of the novel she no longer experiences hunger as “a punishment or a crime or a weapon or a mode of self-destruction” and that's something, anyway.

Y’all know I’m a big skimmer right? I mention this because I want you to take my full meaning when I say I read every single word of this (very short) novel. The syntax helped—most sentences are structured like so: “… and …. and … and then …” but it was engrossing af and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone use Ironic Capitalization to such devastating effect. The stylistic choice to use zero dialogue brackets means Daisy’s thoughts and Edmond’s thoughts (Edmond’s a telepath) and external action and internal commentary all run together. I didn’t find this confusing btw I just found it extremely effective.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Daisy and Edmond are separated at about the one-third mark and she spends the remainder of the book trying to get back to him, traversing a war-torn countryside with Edmond’s smol!sister and his dog in tow (since Daisy is a city girl who can’t even read a compass, maybe it’s more accurate to say smol!cousin + dog have Daisy in tow):

I guess the difference between Gin and me is that when Gin got shut in the barn she thought Edmond didn’t love her anymore but because I could feel Edmond out there somewhere always loving me I didn’t have to howl all night.

The parallel between Edmond’s girl and Edmond’s dog is not an idle one. There’s consistent strain of anticapitalist sentiment that runs through this book, that comes out most strongly in the relationships between Daisy’s cousins and their animals. Some military junta appropriates the farmhouse and displaces Daisy, her cousins, and the menagerie of animals that depend on them—that’s how Edmond and Daisy become separated, they’re “relocated.” The army is hierarchal and in wartime, the army is in charge. By contrast, Daisy’s cousins model a nonhierarchical kind of relationship with their animals, a relationship based on reciprocal obligations rather than dominating other people. “At times,” professes Daisy, “I thought I was more animal than human.” In other words, human beings live under an absolutely barbaric system, and it’s often more “humane” to behave like animals. It’s Edmond’s sheepdog who proves key to Daisy’s successful escape. City girl Daisy still can’t wrap her head around it:

one of the things I most dislike about nature, namely that the rules are not at all precise. Like when Piper says I’m pretty sure that mushrooms aren’t poisonous.

But nature’s strength lies precisely in the fuzziness of its rules! It encourages interdependence & reliance on others, rather than trying to go it alone as an atomized individual. So surviving on the run actually forces one to prioritize community (however you define it) over individual, which has salutary effects on Daisy, who reports “Somewhere along the way I’d lost the will not to eat.” She’s defeated her eating disorder, that’s good news. Unfortunately, Edmond and Daisy are not even reunited before she’s expelled from England and shipped back to America for Reasons. Dw she comes back! As soon as the borders reopen she comes back:

The soldier had stamped my passport FAMILY in heavy black capital letters and I checked it now for reassurance because I liked how fierce the word looked.

Very powerful passage but now for the ending. Let’s not talk about that ending. I don’t know why I called this a good book I am still incredulous we got THAT ending after everything we went through brb I’m suing Meg Rosoff for emotional damages

[apathest]

sup y’all it’s admin rachel!! things to know abt me: 25, est, she/her, and as you’ve probably learned from the main, idk how to shut the fuck up! i love many things but most of all i love using english/australian slang incorrectly. you’ve probably already seen his bio but if you don’t wanna read that big ol’ behemoth, here’s what you gotta know:

first of all, sonny is a macclean first and a person second. if you’ve been in boot hill longer than two years, you know they’re no good, poor white trash and there’s like 3249023 of them. most of them are either blue collar workers or criminals, there’s not really much of an in between. in fact, it’s often both. (there’s paddy, eoin, fearghas, gavin, brian, courtney, then alison, then cian, and finally isla. rip eileen)

sonny is a bartender at the bucking horse saloon and has enough seniority (despite being only 24) to run it however he likes. incredibly gruff. will refuse to serve you if you annoy him. hates when people order cocktails and will openly judge you if he thinks your drink order is gross (alison vc: a sloe gin fizz? um... gross).

very quiet, doesn’t speak much unless spoken to, and even then tbh not that much. smarter than he gives himself credit for but most people thinks he’s just as dumb as he thinks himself to be. stupid, dirty maccleans, y’know

honestly?? hates himself. a lot. thinks he’s ugly bc of his red hair and freckles. #gingersDOhavesouls. doesn’t really pursue anyone bc of it but he just wants 2 b loved

a great bowler, seriously. spends most of his free time across the street from the bucking horse at the bowling alley. also pretty good at pool but never really goes to the coyote’s howl bc that’s where his dad drinks. if he does go tho, he WILL try to hustle you at pool. will probably try to hustle you at bowling too if he can. also really good at baseball

half between waste of space slacker and good ol’ boy. has a pair of converse and a pair of cowboy boots. hannah montana - best of both worlds.mp3

somewhat standoff-ish towards those that live in the villas adobes/west side of town. thinks of them as Rich Kids. also somewhat rude towards newcomers just bc he doesn’t trust them

wanted stuffs:

roommates— sonny lives in a house in midtown with a few buddies! be his buddy and live with him!

friends— he’s brooding and shy but he’s gotta have some friends okay?? mostly just people he used to hang around with at parties in high school or maybe they’re bowling friends, idk

enemies— people he refuses to serve at the bar bc he thinks they’re snooty or something. people that he used to get along with in high school but they had a falling out when he dropped out. people he’s hustled with his dad (#bonding). just anyone tbh! there’s a lot of reasons to dislike a macclean!!

ex-gfs— sonny doesn’t date often but he’s had a few girlfriends in his time?? and likely their relationships ended on bad terms bc he’s an idiot, doesn’t know what’s good for him! or maybe it was bad for both of them.

fwbs/ex-fwbs— sometimes a guy has needs!! alright

anyways there’s so many other things we could do but my brain is... dead right now tbh. we can chat on here or on disco!! wanda’s loving boy#1003