#mdzyx

[vermillioncrown]

I'm in love with z!JC - the sheer obliviousness is overpowering. The unholy Trinity of LX, NMJ, and JGY are in shambles. NHS has to deal with TWICE the amount of pining. This is the funniest thing I've read in ages.

hey hey hey--it's called triage. sect-ending plots are waaay more important than a pretty face. looking at a pretty face and talking to someone attractively competent is... it's a bonus, alright?

("jin guangyao really enjoys your company, jiang cheng," wei wuxian speaks like the sentence is one of immense labor.

"must be because i keep my mind on business, respect his efforts, and don't call him a whoreson. what other low standard am i to meet today?" z!jiang cheng keeps his eyes firmly on the soup in front of him. if he even rolls his eyes a bit, all the lotus root will mysteriously vanish from the bowl.)

nhs is dealing with some factor of increase of pining that's not two--in canon, he kinda dipped during the post-ssc and wwx's 1st death period. while jgy and z!jc's Whole Deal is not completely safe, the political climate isn't as ready to boil over as when wwx is officially public enemy no. 1.

for once, the two nie brothers have something to bond over, which is dealing with their kinda-murderous friend-bro's UST over the coldest RBF mfer out there.

but heavens help it, the first few discussion conferences after jgs's abdication and long vacation (from life, forever) makes everyone else in jiang hu feel like they're at the jgy-z!jc divorce proceedings. what even is divorce? no one knows but they sure feel the vibe

maybe nmj eventually demands the chief cultivator seat (from who, jgy or z!jc?) and his first order of business:

points at the two of them and says the ancient fantasy chinese equivalent of, "go fuck it out" to the raucous agreement from the rest of the sect leaders

[vermillioncrown]

about the reverse transmigration au, how exactly would the conversation about your boyfriend go over with whichever of the transmigrators are pining for zyx. I can already hear them crying internally xd. also, just how weirded out would your roommates be?

again, we must take this as modern zyx + displaced dbd-zyx and not re-transmigrated zyx into modern zyx's body bc that's 1) not fun 2) just sad (i'm not doing that to my boyfriend bc no)

(it wouldn't be fun crying, it'd just be breaking up and you know. emotionally devastating an innocent party of 3+ ppl that their lives of the past 6 years have irreparably changed in the blink of an eye)

=

so... what i think you're trying to ask is dbd-zyx needs to talk to their other LI-transmigrator about the fact that the LI is not the one and only?

who's crying? it's not zyx--love is time and place. zyx doesn't believe in soulmates. boyfriend also isn't too fussed about another life and another love. so it's really just the LI-transmigrator's problem, and both zyx's have headaches going "look, okay, hear us out--"

my roommates (being long-standing friends) wouldn't be too fussed besides arguing about the implications of isekai being possible. i'm considered the second-most "it might as well happen to you" member of the friend group, neck-and-neck with first place

[vermillioncrown]

@punderfulfandoms

i find the second one more compelling to write, too. the first burns hot but i can't make it make sense afterwards (not that i'm gonna write this, i really don't need any more wips 😅)

seeing how z!jc handles lotus pier, also technically, jgy is a yunmeng boy, there's just something about seeing someone in their element and owning it

omfg i realized tho...now that the main 'threat' of wwx seems tamed (u c wat i did there?), lxc technically has two pining brothers. he goes to get away from lwj's nth round of wangxian.mp3 using a discussion conference -> jgy is there, looking forlornly at z!jc

lxc: ( ´_ゝ` )

I know youre not going to write a whole fic but i am loving z!jc and jgys slow burn misunderstanding to lovers relationship. Would it be better or worse if they actually got together before jgs mysterious death?

no... we wrote this fic anon 🤝 through all these asks. mission accomplished

getting together pre-jgs death would mean so much more drama = worse. could you imagine, tho, jgy hasn’t completely left his dad’s side yet, but z!jc finally having more than one braincell to rub together and see his flirting. entanglements. lust + affection + guilt + filial piety. z!jc having to come to terms that they are legit manipulating a man into patricide, no matter how genuine they feel about jgy.

it’s against everything that z!jc wants in a relationship: they unconsciously shy away from messy and potentially troublesome liaisons. this is a first. can their feelings survive in this environment? there might never be truth between these two.

=

so a more realistic situation = better, but less... interesting i guess (z!jc: i’m a boring old man and that’s ok) is that the z!jc-jgy flirtationship-manipulation bs escalates to suffocating levels without the alleviation of fucking. jgy eventually weighs that killing his father is the best option for himself. gets so affronted that z!jc seems to ‘lose interest’ in him after that, ends up feeling like a jilted lover.

z!jc: cool, i don’t have to worry for my sister’s standing and life at lanling anymore. now to get wwx laid, and raise some got dang disciples

(little crush on jgy brutally ignored, at first for the sake of their own safety, and then they became used to it)

there’s shenanigans to get them together after that. 3zun collab to ‘defend jgy’s honor’, and then they realize that z!jc is fucking oblivious and it becomes a romcom idk

[vermillioncrown]

Hello! Just out of curiousity (and give you a palate cleanser from GoM Therapy talk), what are the Junior Quartet's thoughts on Z!Mo Xuanyu post-canon? I know that Jin Ling is probably conflicted, but what about Lan Sizhui, Lan Jingyi, and Ouyang Zizhen? Also, what are Best Boi Wen Ning's thoughts on this whole matter?

(the thought is appreciated lol)

the juniors (barring jin ling) meet mo xuanyu after the ritual. so it's only jin ling that has any meaningful changes to his canonical relationship (which we don't know much of) w mo xuanyu.

z!mo xuanyu was probably able to connect with jin ling much easier. which makes the whole getting kicked out debacle/wwx download into mxy's body worse for jin ling. z!mxy would prob ask for a swap to deal w jin ling whenever, but that'd contribute to jin ling thinking that z!mxy+wwx went off the deep end.

(we've somehow increased jl's uncle count)

i don't think lan sizhui's opinion changes that much. z!mxy doesn't think it his place to interact with lsz, which wwx would find weird ("he's the best junior! the sweetest one!" even before a-yuan reveal) but *shrugs*

no zyx incarnation is complete without snark, so the off times that ljy catches unadulterated z!mxy commentary is precious. and wwx is a riot to him, too. + less of wwx's trolling teaching when things are serious serious, z!mxy can't help but chime in. opinion is that senior mo is probably some sort of non-possessed-possessed, but zidian didn't whip him out so he's... safe?

no changes to ouyang zizhen. senior mo is a weirdo. but nice, sometimes funny and trolly, and good at teaching.

i think that canonically mxy helped out with the fierce corpse studies in jinlingtai. idk how complicit he was, but z!mxy is complicit enough that being around wen ning is difficult. he did expect to die for wwx's life, after all - didn't expect to stick around. wen ning personally doesn't like z!mxy for his former misdeeds (regardless of how coerced or whatever), but holds his tongue for wwx's sake and how z!mxy is while sharing a body.

[vermillioncrown]

I really love how the z!jc turned into “all about JYG getting his man,” it’s was hilarious! I actually hope those two crazy kids can make it work (without screwing each other up permanently). 💕

you really tore through all of that au, huh? glad you had fun!

Uh... as humorous as i try to slant interactions and all, most of my stuff shows that there's always going to be a permanent screwing-up of each other. or that your interactions with these kind of stakes will irrevocably change you, esp since they're both playing for different sides. it ain't about love, first and foremost, even though that becomes part of it.

idk it's probably the demi in me that finds how the something coming from tight interactions (as weird and fraught as the z!jc/jgy one can be) to be interesting to explore, compared to straight up love at first sight or physical attraction or a crush from afar. idk.

[vermillioncrown]

I was thinking about the logistics reverse transmigration and finances and cracked myself up thinking of the grateful transmigrator you scooped up off the streets trying to repay you for saving them and just dropping a heap of silver and gold on you to pay your rent. Money can be exchanged for goods and services but the grocery cashier isn't going to know what the fuck they're supposed to do with thos

i'd legit just start crying a little. at least 10 minutes allotted to crying

my tax return gonna get fucked the year that happens

gotta figure out how to pawn the gold

"will someone rob me?"

"will the irs/fbi/treasury come after me for artificially increasing the supply of precious metals?"

it's so heavy!

i have no room

do banks do conversions?

I haven't waited at a bank since 2018 how dare i be put through this

me, setting up a whole prayer tableau to the heavens: tinsan deisan, forgive the impertinence of this uneducated and unfilial one: do you guys do credit cards?

[vermillioncrown]

I'm really enjoying LXC's frantic thought process like. He KNOWS Wenhui isn't in love with JC. But then what the fuck is she doing?? Obviojsly she couldn't have predicted JZX's embbarrassing shoujo boyfriend confession and exit so she could t have lost her ribbon on purpose but DID she lose it on purpose??? But no why would she do that, she's a gremlin but she wouldn't be so casual with her future just for a prank....Fuck, IS she in love with him??? Like she CAN't be. But is she???

"lans do fall in love fast but wangji has always been the most passionate of the three of us... it's not like her"

"but how could she have predicted this type of outcome? ...then again, she always seems to be thinking 10 steps ahead of everyone..."

"but that's her future? what would be the point? if she wanted to get married and feared a lack of prospects, didn't she know she could come to me, her dage?"

"she makes good points and they seem sincere, but this is so uncharacteristic"

"when did she have opportunity to know of jiang wanyin??"

"oh tian-a, what if she is in love? even infatuation - of course, being as sheltered as she is - what if others take advantage of her naivety? clever as she is, she hasn't much opportunity to meet other cultivators outside of gusu..."

"how am i going to tell shufu?"

"thank the heavens and earth that i don't have to hide another sibling's affections for someone"

[vermillioncrown]

Honestly i think it'd be hilarious for jc to master the Lan Face Deciphering Skill that wwx unlocks in canon because he's trying to figure out his wife and she just keeps Looking at him.

So one day she walks in on someone talking shit about jc, funny stuff, like how he's short and angry and his whip is compensating, blah blah smth smth, and they see her stone face and go 'oh she's pissed oh shit' and then jc wanders in, takes one look at her and asks what's so funny?? Huh??? What stupid shit is it now??

Cause she's dying on the inside laughing and hes the only one who can read it lol. Anyway thanks for coming to my Ted talk

"lan face deciphering skill" is not-transferrable, it's per lan. some lans will have similar tells, they all do by nature of living together and shared culture

but lwh is relying on past life 21st Century Professionalism and is mostly incomprehensible based on other lans

jc will get lwh but lwj's face still pisses him off

wwx gets lwj and as a result gets most other lans like 50-75%, but lwh remains at a 10-20% (wwx doesn't realize nor remember, but he has encountered her before at the audits and mistook her for lwj)

(that's a thing in the later chapter)

she walks in on them shit-talking jc, and in her mind she's jokingly egging them on bc it's so fucking funny and mostly harmless, speaks more of the critics than it does of jc

and the shit-talkers take it as threats

"come now, one must be as detailed as possible when giving criticism. it is meant to help the other party improve, yes? help this poor wife support her husband"

"a-apologies mme jiang!" *sprints away*

jc comes in, sees her face, sighs, "what improprieties have you said now?"

"where does husband entertain his peers, wenhui wonders, for them to hold such definite opinions on the manner for which he compensates?"

"... at least you got rid of them."

*also, lwh can actually make human passable expressions, it's just exhausting and not by default. the juxtaposition of lan-ness and regular facial expressions is what makes it terrifying to look at tho

jc "it's fine, not like i can't tell what you're feeling"

[vermillioncrown]

i think it'd be fun for the lwh au if they approched the arranged marriage with lets be platonic partners cause romance is stupid look what is happening with your siblings! and then they are boo boo the fool when they actually catch * gasp * feelings. Like, i feel like when JC figures out that LWJ is in love with WXX he laughs a lot, cause like what an idiot, and then he realizes i fell in love with a gremlin, I AM lwj!

of course we approach it as platonic partners in crime, that's the only way to start

but i will propose a twist i consider more powerful

=

jiang cheng wishes he could let his younger self know what he knows now. it would have made the entire first three months of the cloud recesses audits bearable.

lan wangji, the venerable hanguang-jun, was stupid in love. willing to roll in the dirt if wei wuxian merely suggests the notion, dirtying those pristine robes and betraying his sword's namesake, even.

"what an idiot," he says with relish, unafraid that the woman by his side would take offense. through their schemes and successful maneuverings, it has become an understanding: lan wenhui will use jiang cheng as she needs to aggravate her brothers, no less loved for it. and wei wuxian is fair game for his future sister-in-law.

"wangji-ge has abysmal spice tolerance... it was the only way shufu could outplay any pretense we upheld as children," lan wenhui muses.

jiang cheng laughs at the thought of lan qiren resorting to trickery to overcome the lan twins. while his betrothed is infinitely more tolerable than her dour mirror, he will not lie and say he cannot see the trouble that two quietly, slyly obstinate children could cause.

the two of them met at the junction leading out to the courtyard, where they were to dine under the escort of their siblings. instead, wei wuxian was nowhere to be found before this, and lan wangji as well. it turned out their wayward siblings were already at the courtyard, perhaps to preempt any attempts at early rendezvous but ended up falling victim themselves.

jiang cheng and lan wenhui look out into the courtyard, where wei wuxian is attempting to feed his favorite dishes to a seemingly-impervious lan wangji. lan wenhui's mouth splits open in the way that is more leering with teeth, reveling in some hidden victory to herself. "the back of his ears will be damp with sweat at this point, ha!" when she smiles like that, it feels like a secret being shared between them and only them.

"never mind him - look at wei wuxian," jiang cheng directs. his jaw clenches, trying not to let loose laughter at the disaster about to strike.

wei wuxian finally catches onto lan wangji's dwindling constitution, and eagerly offers a cup of wine to dull the spice. normally, it would not be a terrible idea.

lan wangji, equally as eager for any gold or dirt off his beloved's fingers, takes the cup and drinks without another thought. his head hits the table a second later.

"lan zhan! still?! aiyo, i... i need to get you out of here - um... a-cheng and hui-mei aren't here yet... i can make it back -" and he does his best to lug lan wangji's dead-weight out of the courtyard.

he hasn't noticed that the entire time, their nonsense has been witnessed by the very two people that they were supposed to chaperone. the two people that they have now left... unsupervised. to some extent.

the maidservant following lan wenhui leans in to whisper to her mistress, and instead of turning away like the girl undoubtedly suggested, lan wenhui's eyes meet jiang cheng's and swing over at the recently vacated dining table. "let us not waste the efforts of your kitchen, jiang-zongzhu."

the two of them, accompanied by a pair of man- and maidservants, settle at the table. to jiang cheng's dismay, wei wuxian has already made a mess of most of the dishes, and lan wangji's ballistic application of his forehead to the table has done the rest of the damage.

lan wenhui pays it no mind. she is about to salvage bits of the meal, demurring to serve jiang cheng first -

"lan-guniang, we cannot let you do that -" the servants, while reluctant to leave the two betrothed alone, were more reluctant to let them partake in sloppy seconds. "xiaoren will go call for something fresh!" and they both rush off to usher forth a meal posthaste.

jiang cheng rolls his eyes, but he only feels fondness. "do you ever get tired of playing around?"

"this wenhui can still serve her betrothed some tea," she responds without a hitch, only the smirk on her face giving up the ruse. she sets up the tea service from the remnants of the previous meal.

"what a mess." his shixiong is never going to be orderly, by any means. "for two 'peerless' young masters of the realm... tch. a pair of well-matched fools in love!"

"would you say idiocy is hereditary?" lan wenhui leans in to pour the tea.

he lets out a short laugh. "luckily for them, that won't matter for whatever children they eventually choose to adopt. wei wuxian is bad enough - if combined with your brother's mulishness that child would have no hope." he turns and catches the moment her mouth breaks into that same toothy grin.

"it is indeed a lan trait to be stupid in face of love," she agrees with mirth. she places the teapot down, still leaning towards him. "wenhui will not be as arrogant to deny its truth for all lans."

"i don't think i've ever seen you do anything stupid," jiang cheng meant it as a dry comment, but the fact that they were alone, the setting sun warm and golden, the signs of life around lotus pier muted and far away -

his voice comes out quieter, more heavy than intended.

"jiang-zongzhu, jiang wanyin..." the amusement fades from lan wenhui's face. her expression can match lan wangji's for intensity, but something about how it's her makes it more lively, more imploring. not as creepy.

he would never mistake her for her twin.

"... let me prove you wrong, and do something stupid, then," he feels her words ghost his face as she leans in.

[vermillioncrown]

you know that conversation youre having with your bf/male friends about dicks... any chance zyx would have a similar conversation with sy and sqh + others in the alternate university...

1000000% it is a convo for any iteration of oblivious university, the RT au or alternate universe-ity

how will the need to talk about dicks come up? can it be done in a calm, rational manner?

=

"wake up!"

shen yuan blearily opens his eyes, letting out a squawk when a bright phone flash hits his face. "what the fuck, why are you doing this to me?!"

"i'm haunted. i need answers," zhu yunxun's words sure sound like she's something, alright.

"i took you here, to my family lakehouse, so that you could relax. for your birthday." shen yuan is done. he's so fucking done. he is already sitting up, pulling his sleep shirt down from where it was riding up. "you wanted to 'touch water with your feet', remember? i'll make you do that forever."

"i need you. wait -" she runs out of the room. he hears her launch herself onto shang qinghua's bed, his shrill shriek, and the rumbling stomps of her return.

she's fireman-carrying shang qinghua, whose face is twisted like he's about to cry. zhu yunxun dumps him onto the foot of shen yuan's bed, and uses the other end of the blankets to tuck him in.

"my brother knows hitmen. i'll call them," shen yuan threatens.

"i didn't do anything wrong!" bemoans shang qinghua.

"you two have dicks, right?"

here's the thing. zhu yunxun is, yes, female - yes, a woman. yes she has the woman form. but never has shen yuan ever thought of her in such a way. considered it, never. the implications, whatever it entailed.

why? some first encounters transcend the human form. they were frienemies connected by spirit, from the day he spied her reading epic-length naruto fanfiction in class. from the moment he called her out, and she (while mortified) quipped back, "well, what were you doing at the devil's sacrament?"

(and then shang qinghua walks by and blurts out "hey, i wrote that! you like it so far?")

so.

to be confronted like this was like... breaking a covenant. breaking heavenly order.

"it won't grow back i can't give it to you!" shang qinghua immediately answers.

"what."

it comes back to shen yuan to ask the hard-hitting questions. "why are you doing this. we don't deserve this."

zhu yunxun starts pacing. "believe me, i'd be going after better primary sources had i the cell signal to do so." she continuously... picks up her hands, holding them apart, and clasps them back down onto her thighs.

"dick-havers, what is an average size? how much can you grow? i mean, square-cubed law - eventually it's gonna take too much blood and you'll pass out, but if you're tall you -"

shen yuan just has, "what the fuck?"

shang qinghua finally gets with the program, "how big?" he whips out his phone to take notes.

zhu yunxun has not stopped her rapid pace recitation of her concerns. "- based on the tried and true method of eyeballing it - not that i looked oh my fucking god - ahaaaaaaa no, i didn't mean to touch - um it's - how can it be -" she freezes, and reaches down to her thigh and splays out her hand. even with her 'big ole yaoi fingers' (her words not shen yuan's, thank you), she needs to use the other hand for the end.

"no fucking way," the words fall out of shen yuan's mouth.

"i told you, i fucking told you two - it's possible!" shang qinghua cheers.

"no it's not!" they both shoot back.

"wait, don't you guys know?" zhu yunxun looks so lost.

"no guy goes around looking at other guys' dicks!" shen yuan answers, incredulous.

"so you're not that big?"

"that -" shang qinghua and shen yuan share a look of commiseration, upon realizing the trap that they fell into. "that is a loaded question."

"it's scientific inquiry!"

shang qinghua frowns thoughtfully. "hold up," he interjects, "where did this dick come from? it's not a random thought -"

"- no it's totally random you know me hahahaa -"

"- no, i know you; it's not random." shang qinghua occasionally has bouts of clarity and keen insight, terrifying all that he targets. "this dick happened recently."

"she wasn't weird yesterday," shen yuan throws in.

"i'm always so normal," she protests.

they ignore her.

"this dick happened -" "- today."

shen yuan and shang qinghua look at each other, both on either ends of shen yuan's bed, their thoughts so in sync it felt like true telepathy.

"... the lan brothers were at the lake today -"

"- did she fuck one of the lan brothers?!"

"no no, she wouldn't have had the time; remember? the fishing -"

"- yeah, volleyball - oh, the jiang kids were there, yeah?"

finally, the tables have turned. zhu yunxun has miserably plastered herself against the wall, not meeting their eyes.

"zhu yunxun, how did you come across this penis?"

"... can't it just remain theoretical? a hypothetical penis?"

both shen yuan and shang qinghua, as one, beam her with their phone flashlights.

"answer the question."

[vermillioncrown]

I do feel like comprehensibility rises slightly when LWH and LWJ are having a Lan Argument because JC and WWX know what their respective spouses mean when they shift their eyeballs two centimeters to the left (its not the same for each) and they can sort of decipher backwards "Oh Lan Zhan is so frustrated! There is a slight tension in his mouth so he's standing his ground on something, but his eyes are half a millimeter wider than normal so she must have caught him by surprise!" "Wenhui is blinking slower than normal though, she's stalling for time by annoying him, that slight tick at the left corner of her mouth means he's gaining the upper hand BUT her eyebrows just twitched so she's found a new tactic"

ah, i forgot to add WHY it's a double-triple bluff

you think jc and wwx will sit out when their respective spouses start having a Lan Argument (sub-class: Lan Twin Argument)?

most likely, it will involve the yunmeng bros too. so you have a double layer of meaning that is trying to confuse the other non-lan spouse, each yunmeng bro being shady with the interpretation of their spouse and the other twin emoting 'that's not what that means you dirty liar', the spouse of that twin seeing that and doubling back on the meaning, and -

sibling arguments are some of the pettiest ones i've ever seen. we basically have two sets of them, and the pettiness synergizes

[vermillioncrown]

get your chapter 2, come get your chapter 2!!!! thank you to @electricalsheep for beta-ing 🙏

[vermillioncrown]

That thing where WWX wakes up blearily in MXY's body all "what the fuck, wasn't I dead" gets funnier if this a two for one deal. Spiderman pointing but the two pointing hands belong to the same body

"what the fuck, i... shouldn't be here?"

there's an echo to wei ying's words, and then a flash of fear that disappears so quickly it was as if he imagined it.

he's alone.

"i - i shouldn't be alive," he murmurs, looking around the room woke up in. to him, it's an unfamiliar place - messy beyond an innocuous laxness, marks gouged into the walls, what looks like dried blood carefully drawn onto the floor.

as unfamiliar as it was, a part within feels contrary while deeply agreeing with his words - i shouldn't be alive.

wei ying studies the room a little bit longer until he's interrupted by intruders. the pair, a young master and his manservant, make a further mess of the room (animal shed, wei ying realizes), digging for belongings, berating the owner of the previous body -

"- mo xuanyu, you freak! hiding like a little wench now, huh?!" the young master grabs his face, expression twisting with deep contempt. "you disgusting cutsleeve, do you want to trick some poor man into taking you, like your whore mother?!"

it's only because wei ying doesn't quite understand the situation yet that he doesn't fight back. without an entertaining reaction, his aggressors eventually leave.

"mo xuanyu, huh..."

a sense of exhaustion, pain, and shame blooms from his gut. the sensation is so visceral that wei ying fears, for a moment, someone might have stabbed him.

"who are you?" he finds a dented bronze mirror and eagerly peruses it.

that obnoxious young master was right, to an extent. this mo xuanyu was beautiful, and made even moreso by artful application of cosmetics. even, jade-like complexion marred only by bruises along the jaw, the shape of upturned eyes emboldened by a steady flick of ink, brows as delicate as painted fairy women. soft colors the gradient of peaches faded in from the highs of cheekbones and outer corner of the eyes.

wei ying had to pat himself down, to reassure himself of his manhood. the foreign layers of an elaborate ruqun slowed him down.

even as he did this, the pervasive feeling of shame, shame, shame never left.

"mo xuanyu, who are you? why did you bring me here?"

the obvious answer would be in the array. wei ying knows it well - he speculated on its design himself. the cuts on his left forearm, on former mo xuanyu's forearm, are also damning pieces of evidence.

enough time passes that the shame seems to morph. impatience, it becomes - wei ying finds himself drawn to a corner of the shed. as his arms instinctively dig around the mess (he realizes it is all carefully constructed, as much a façade as the presentation of this mo xuanyu), he realizes something more important.

"you're still here."

terror, denial, shame again flood him. wei ying kneels over, wincing when his wounded arm reaches out to steady himself. the other arm roots around the broken items, and pulls out a small bound book.

'read it'

"how arrogant, mo xuanyu - you decided to summon the yiling laozu, you must understand who you are dealing with! the audacity of ordering this master around!" wei ying flaps the book around, each flick threatening to toss it outside the shed.

panic, terror, and then nothing.

'please, senior - this unworthy one's entreaty is written there. afterwards, this body is yours.'

"since you've asked so sweetly, and with such a pretty face," wei ying makes a big show of giving in.

it's not like he isn't a little curious.

[vermillioncrown]

Wwx would want in on the dick discussion right up until the actual discussion started at which point he would wimp out

this specific instance would be in alternate universe-ity, because in normal oblivious university or RT au wwx would be trying to cicada block zyx into confronting her fears of death by dick

also lwj is feeling really hurt. wwx can't believe he has to be the emotionally mature one for once.

=

(you know, if ot3 is dbd endgame, if it doesn't happen like the dream i wrote about, i have a version of the get together that's just as stupid as modern aus and very spicy)

(it also stems from trying to avoid being dicked to death)

=

at this point wwx and zyx resolve their friendship differences

lwj and zyx have started over clean

now it's just lxc and zyx that have to renegotiate their possible relationship

at the same time wwx and lwj are getting together

as well as the scum villain boys, but that's not zyx's business

"haha c'mon, you can consider us like sibling-in-laws!"

zhu yunxun's face remains disdainful. unimpressed. "who's marrying anyone?"

wei wuxian laughs. "aw, yunxun, don't talk like that - you'll break lan-dada's heart. especially since you keep hanging around those other guys. so secretive, so dubious, so -"

her hand reaches out to palm wei wuxian in the mid-face. it stings his nose.

"ow! i think i feel a nosebleed!"

"i'm paying you back, for some other life. probably."

one hand out to hold him at bay, the other hand and attention on her phone. she's texting someone intermittently.

"you know, lan wangji said he was staying in town for the long weekend. and that he was expected at his uncle's place... only for saturday."

zhu yunxun can be oblivious, but she isn't completely stupid. the implication is there. both lan brothers only had familial obligations for a day. the rest was to spend at their own discretion. with complete privacy.

she freezes mid-step. then both hands are pulled in to frantically text on her phone.

"you keep messaging like that, i'll really start to think you're cheating on -"

"- quiet. how can i cheat on someone i'm not even dating?!"

wei wuxian manages to catch a glimpse of the chat she's in.

[🤡🤡🤡]

sqh> shit mbj is staying in town too

sy> hahaha i have a family thing

shit okay okay okay alright <

we... we have a group project <

sqh> xunjie it's not gonna cut it

ok we need to meet up <

rules of engagement <

survival strategies <

sqh> i'll grab The Document

sy> have fun dying via dick you two

your ass is next bitch <

"what's The Document?" wei wuxian blurts, the strangeness of the conversation compelling him.

"fuck!" zhu yunxun launches her phone into the air. sheer luck, she manages to grab it before it hit the ground. "nosy bitch, didn't anyone teach you not to read other people's shit?!"

"you're nosy," he feels very affronted by the accusation.

"i ask and people decide to tell," she says with scorn. "don't worry about the document."

"now i need to know. also, you kiss and tell?"

zhu yunxun stops walking entirely and rounds onto him. "are you judging? you? mr. 'oooo~ lan-er-gege sucked me or he stripped or he touched me and i jizzed in my pants, ooo~'?"

"i don't sound like that! and - don't make lan wangji - we haven't -" oh, she almost distracted him, what a devious little bitch. "no, nope. you're not tricking me. what's The Document?"

her expression changes, from the scornful mocking of before to placid. and then a small innocuous smile.

"hm. why not. why shouldn't you read The Document?" he doesn't like her tone. "you and i are such great friends now, aren't we?"

and yeah, maybe people were right when they said that he didn't have a great survival instinct. it explains why he follows zhu yunxun back onto campus. she leads them to the library, which was innocent enough. they take the stairs instead of the elevator, which becomes less innocent for her lazy norm.

they go through the annex section. and then past that.

one of her friends, shang qinghua, jumps out from behind a dark bookshelf. he ducks under the reflexive swing of zhu yunxun's fist.

"hi to you too!" he looks over at wei wuxian. for as unassuming as shang qinghua normally was, the way he looks at wei wuxian now makes him feel assessed. in a non-sexy way.

he feels naked. also in a non-sexy way.

"hm. doing charity work now?" shang qinghua quips at zhu yunxun.

zhu yunxun rolls her eyes, before heading deeper between the bookshelves. "i like trainwrecks as much as the next guy, but i'm not cruel."

she returns with a dusty, opaque report folder. wei wuxian can see that while it's dusty, that was a product of its environment. the folder itself looks otherwise new.

he looks around. no cameras. no librarian. no patrons. "look. i didn't think it was this serious. yunxun, you're..." he looks at her, "you're not doing something illegal, are you?"

"incarceration is inconvenient. why would i chance it?" she beckons them to a table, placed out of the way.

"it's very important, very cursed information," shang qinghua thankfully explains, but it explains nothing at all. "none of us can be caught with it in our possession."

"that sounds like it's illegal."

zhu yunxun has the document flipped open. at first, wei wuxian wants to laugh. surely -

oh. it's not porn. not even strange porn. not weird, fetishistic inflation porn, which would warrant hiding it (but hiding it in the university library? a print version???)

"give your best estimate," she demands, pointing to a page of sketched penis diagrams. there are scale comparisons to household objects. "the next page has it with respect to overall human body stature."

"i -" he blinks. "i don't think we're that close, yunxun -"

"i don't care about your dick, bitch," zhu yunxun impatiently interjects. "lan wangji's dick. point it out. this will save your life."

[vermillioncrown]

Various people trying to keep things in their favor, Madam Jin conflicting with Zixun, Jiang Cheng trying to keep things from devolving, LXC worrying over LWJ's arguments with WWX, but of course JGY can manage them all. Even the most unexpected occurences are within his calculations- what's this?? IT'S LAN WENHUI WITH THE STEEL CHAIR

all i can imagine is that vid with john cena being gifted a present during a match and he unwraps it to reveal a steel folding chair

to jgy, it is as if a member of the audience got up to cold-clock the referee

[vermillioncrown]

What if ZYX was reincarnated as Madame Mo? Would they feel obligated to let MXY bullying go on?

my first reaction was "lol no what?"

but yeah, the unspoken point you've made... "let MXY bullying go on to drive him to ritualistically bring WWX back to life?"

hm

so this is the thing. it's not like mxy was born after wwx dies. but being so far removed from cultivation politics... it's probably like watching a horrible freeway accident occur in slow motion.

from the other side of the partition.

what happens to mxy is cruel. really really cruel. and i don't want to make specific statements on zyx's capacity for cruelty (that or lack thereof will come with later dbd chapters).

but the generality of things is (and i think what i've written over dbd and au's) is that zyx is a happy (unhappy?) medium between impulse and calculation. i'd rank things in terms of immediacy as: instinct -> tactical -> strategic

and zyx is a tactical person (whether or not other people see it from their povs is not up to them). they overthink and are deliberate, but it's very much a present situation thing. future considerations are left vague and accounted for in that manner (like kalman filtering if you know statistics + control theory)

(honestly if you know those two subjects why have you not called me out for butchering them in dbd yet???)

and that type of consideration... tends to work out. min-max effort for results. at least, irl and i haven't been disproven yet lol

(also also in that type of board game, i do very well. not good with impulse, but also not good at long-term big brain gambits. good at momentary lightbulb moments)

=

bringing it back to mme mo: the long-term play of psychologically destroying this kid for sacrifice is. uhh. i don't think zyx could do it. perhaps if it was for a duration of up to a year, the immediate results would let them justify it.

but years. years. near a decade. the results would be too far off for z!mme mo to imagine, to understand, and to stomach. if they commit, this is the au where zyx drinks heavily to take their mind off of what they're doing (in lieu of modern day escapism or distractions)

=

long-term planning on another method of bringing back wwx?

that's easier to think about. idk what it says about my morality that z!mme mo would have an easier time helping mxy rethink the ritual to sacrifice a third party rather than self-sacrifice

i don't think it's good, but i'm being honest about how survival-mode zyx would think.

=

wait. as mme mo, z!mme mo has no stakes in the cultivation realm. in fact, jgy as chief cultivator has been only beneficial towards mundane society.

wwx means nothing to z!mme mo. lwj means nothing.

prime directive: just raise mxy right. make sure their actual kid isn't a shithead, either. the fact that mme mo basically ran the household makes it easier to carve out a nice little second life (indicative that mme mo likely had decent prospects growing up and prob doesn't want for much). nhs can hang himself