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tjhudson · 7 years ago

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DEAR, SAVANNAH: ( FT SAVANNAH ROSE ) LETTERS, SADIE HAWKINS AND FRIENDSHIP.

SETTING: January 22nd. / TJ’s house. SUMMARY: TJ invites Savannah over and gives her a letter that he wrote, asking her to Sadie Hawkins. POSSIBLE TRIGGER(S): None.

THOMAS had spent the entire school day writing a letter to Savannah. It was a simple letter but he had been debating if he should give it to her and how to give it to her. He thought about leaving it on her on desk one period but didn’t want someone else to get it before she had the chance. He also thought about slipping it into her locker but that seemed cowardly, too. Finally breaking down after he found himself at the store, he got somethings and found himself texting her and asking if she had a chance to stop by and help him with a homework problem he just couldn’t seem to figure out. Getting her to agree he sealed the deal with a promise of making sure to tell her as a thank you, he would save her dinner. When he actually planned on cooking for instead. Getting the letter out of his backpack, he folded it over nearly and sat it on the kitchen counter. He had the entire guest house to himself for the past few months now. He really had no reason to go into the main house except visit with his sister every day. Sitting in the kitchen area, the lights were dimmed and there were a few candles lit, nothing too major to make her turn around and walk back out the door. The table was set and all he had to do now was stare at the clock and wait for her, hoping nothing came up and he was able to stay out of his own head.

SAVANNAH had been so busy with Cheerios and school as of lately, the only time that she fully relaxed was whenever she was with TJ. That’s why whenever he asked her to come over to help him with his homework, she couldn’t help but smile and of course, agree. She never would have turned him down regardless and he knew that anyway. Once she had gone home and taken a shower and changed clothes, she checked on her sister before heading over to the boys house. Letting her fingers brush through her hair that she’d managed to pull down into long curls, she sighed contently and finally made it to his house. She knew that things at his house were a little different because she avoided his dad at all costs so whenever she finally got out and went up to the door, she adjusted her jeans and tugged down her white T-shirt just in case for whatever reason he didn’t answer the door. Knocking on it, she gently pushed the door open and looked around with a small smile on her face but she was only a little confused as she found him and her smile only grew wider. “Hey, you. Is this for me? I mean, I’m really hoping you say yes,” she laughed softly as she walked over to him and bit her bottom lip. “Is this my thank you for homework?” She asked, blue eyes never leaving his.

THOMAS didn’t realize how nervous he actually was until he was stuck waiting for a while waiting. He second-guessed his simple jeans and a black pullover about five times. Was it too casual? Was it too much? It wasn’t like he needed a suit or anything but he couldn’t click his mind off until he heard a knock on the door. Watching her step inside slowly he sat there for a second with a blank stare. “Hey,” he responded eventually and then stood up and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Actually, there is no homework. I used that as an excuse to get you over here.” Looking down at the table and back at her he smiled a little. “I made us dinner and just thought we could talk. If you want to, of course. I understand if you want to say no.”

SAVANNAH smiled as he finally responded to her and she ran her tongue over her bottom lip gently and just listened to him. Her heart was racing but she couldn’t exactly help it. He made them dinner and he wanted to talk? Her cheeks found a light blush to them and she gave him a slow nod before she moved her hands from her pockets and then looked over everything on the table and by that point, her smile had to be as big as her face before she turned back to him. “Of course I want to. I love this. Even though I have to give you props for pulling this off with me, it’s hard to trick me sometimes, you know,” she teased softly before she found herself wrapping her arms around him in a gentle hug. It felt like the right thing, right then anyways for them. Now she had those butterflies again but she had to calm her nerves. Letting him go, she leaned her head to the side. “Where do we start?”

THOMAS hugged her back gently but kept the longer still there for a second before pulling back and smiling over at her. “I guess it’s safe to say I know you a little too well,” he teased as he looked down at the table and then pulled a chair out for her. “Well, we could eat first or I could give you this letter I wrote,” he spoke shyly as he looked back at the note on the counter and then back to her.

SAVANNAH smiled as he held onto her and she let her face nuzzle into his shoulder gently. Scrunching up her nose playfully, she stuck her tongue out at him and then shook her head. “You do but I like that you do.” Whenever he pulled out her chair, she sat down and then looked at the food and the letter with a smile as he spoke and she chewed on her lip softly. “I think that I want the letter first and then food. I’m excited to know what it says. I also like the fact that you even wrote me a letter,” she admitted, her fingers gently playing with his from her place.

THOMAS looked down at their fingers as hers were placed over his and he couldn’t really hold back the smile on his face. Reaching back he grabbed the paper and sat it down between them. Grabbing his glass of water he sipped on it slowly as he looked over at her. “Just know you don’t have to say to it, okay?” He spoke genuinely as he placed his hands on the table and looked down at them, waiting for her to finish the letter that read ... Dear Savannah, I’m sitting in class not really paying attention and I can’t seem to get this whole Sadie Hawkins dance out of mind. I never knew how stressful it was for guys to sit around and just wait to be asked. This shit is honestly ridiculous but in true fashion, you know I’m never one to miss an opportunity to not do stuff another way. So, I’m just going to write and see what comes of this.

There was this girl I met in the beginning of high school, we started out as casual friends, then got around to actual friends. At first, I thought she was just really cute and fun to hang out with but as time passed by my eyes, I realized she was so much more. I couldn’t help but get afraid of the feeling that she helped move my thoughts and heart. I was scared as hell and took a family vacation as a way to pull away from her because this feeling was something I was not used to. But now I’ve grown to realize how vulnerable she truly made me feel but it was the best kind of vulnerability because the reward of getting to be with her for such a short amount of time was my reward. She helped me in so many ways. She made me extremely happy that no amount of words could even begin to describe. She saw me at my best and she saw me at worst.

I have a lot of growing to do, it’s no secret. I’m selfish, stubborn, manipulative, any bad characteristic you can name, it’s probably used to describe me. She broke up with me because I have too much self-pride and didn’t know when to walk away. But I’ve slowly come to realize that sometimes walking away gets you the greatest gift of all. It gets you the girl. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I did leave that night with you but I try not to dwell on the past and focus on solely developing a future with this girl in whatever way is salvageable. Even on a bad day, this girls smile could distract me from the worlds greatest horror. The words I want to say won’t bare a mark on what I truly feel. She is the sweetest person I know, that won’t take anyone’s crap at any point and that’s just some things I’ve grown to love about her over the past few years. But what do these words mean on paper or even if they left my mouth? In my opinion, they mean nothing, so I’ll continue to project these feelings of wanting to change, wanting to be better, into action and hope that she’ll notice one day down the line.

For now, as I step into my journey of trying to become a better person, a better man, a better friend. I want to ask this girl if she would go to Sadie Hawkins with me because I can’t see spending my time there with anyone that isn’t her. Love, Thomas.

SAVANNAH watched as he moved and she bit on her lip. She couldn’t help but be nervous. Taking the letter, she leaned her head to the side slowly and let her eyes focus on him with a nod. “Okay. I won’t do anything that I don’t want to do but you know,” she spoke softly. “I don’t see me saying no.” Reading the letter, she tried to cover up the fact that tears were coming to her eyes but it wasn’t working. Reaching up, she pushed one away before she put it down and stood up to walk over to him. Letting her hands gently grip his face, she pressed her lips against his and let it linger for a moment before she sat down in his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck gently. “I would love to go to Sadie Hawkins with you, Thomas.” She admitted as she looked back into his eyes. Letting out a soft sigh, she couldn’t help but smile and push a tear off of her face. “You’re amazing and those words mean everything to me. I hope that you know that every single thing you said, I think the same thing. About what if and how you feel, it doesn’t go unreturned,” she whispered as she sniffled a little then kissed his lips again softly. “Thank you. Not for making me cry but for everything. For all of that. You make me so happy. I hope you know that and how amazing you really are,” she admitted as she let her eyes stay on his.

THOMAS didn’t think he had ever felt this nervous before but waiting as she read seemed to take forever. He was sort of regretting giving it to her in person because of one way she could have reacted but when she finally spoke up he could feel the weight on his shoulders lift. When she said he’s a smile grew on his face but he still wasn’t completely sure what type of tears coming down her face slowly meant. Placing his hands on her waist he kissed her back softly and leaned in to kiss her again when she pulled back. “I’m just glad you liked it and didn’t laugh in my face.” Reaching a hand up to her cheeks he wiped away her tears with his thumb and listened to her talking, his eyes never leaving hers. “Not as amazing as you.”

SAVANNAH kissed him back softly whenever he kissed her and she kept him close to her body while she let her nose nuzzle against his softly. “I loved it. You know, you say that you are these horrible things but you really aren’t. You’re you and I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world,” she admitted. God, this guy was everything to her and she didn’t know how it happened so fast but over the years, she didn’t care anymore. Letting her hand move up to place over his, her face leaned into his hand and she sighed. “I don’t know about that but I won’t fight with you on it,” she whispered as she kissed him again softly. “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”

THOMAS wrapped his arms around her tightly and just sat there staring at her as she spoke. He was lucky to have her in his life and he was determined to not fuck it up this time. “I hope you know I already have my outfit picked out in my head and you are stuck matching me!” He teased as he leaned in to kiss her one more time.

#mckinley:savannah #( interaction | chatzy. )#( feat | savannah rose. )

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tjhudson · 7 years ago

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1 STEP FORWARD, 100 STEPS BACK: ( ft savannah rose ) f**lings, friendship and a fucking mess.

SETTING: January 17th. / TJ’s house. SUMMARY: They just talk. POSSIBLE TRIGGER(S): None.

SAVANNAH had a hard time walking away from Charlie whenever she finally did decide to leave. She had stopped in to check on her after getting her nails done with Olivia and she just felt like the smallest person alive. She wanted, no needed, to talk to someone about this but she didn't think that she could do that. She was wearing a heavy weight on her shoulders and for a while, she just needed to remember that tonight was going to either be really good or really bad and well, that just made her stomach hurt even worse than it already was. Making her way over to TJ's, she could practically feel her heart pounding in her chest and she wasn't sure what was going to happen. Yes, they were having a serious conversation but what would come from it was another thing. She did miss him but sometimes he didn't make her feel like he missed her and that scared her. Despite their conversation from earlier that day and him saying that he didn't want her to feel like she wasn't wanted. It wasn't like she felt like he was pulling away but whenever he would tell her to just forget the conversation whenever she wasn't drunk or he just wanted to have fun, she didn't know what to do besides having this conversation. Getting over to his house, she shut the car door and then made her way inside of the house, trying to avoid his dad as she did. Heading for the basement, she let out a breath and adjusted her jeans and tugged her jacket closer to her while looking at her nails and smiling at his comment. Once she walked in, she sighed contently before leaning on the doorway and pushing her hands into her pockets. “Hey there.”

THOMAS didn’t have a clue what was going on with him and Savannah but everyone that he had talked to about the two of them sure did know a lot more than he apparently did. He was confused, to say the least. SHe made him feel vulnerable and he didn’t hate it because it was her but he hated the feeling in general. He wasn’t sure what this whole, her coming over thing meant but he wasn’t going to question it. Sitting downstairs he played on his guitar a little as he flipped through his phone. He was starting to worry about Charlie because of her mentioning her dad and now saying she was staying at the Rose’s but he didn’t want to push. But that wasn’t going to stop him from worrying about his friend. Hearing a few soft words he snapped out of his daze and looked over at her, resting his guitar in his lap and putting his phone down. “Hey,” he greeted, “You can sit down if you want.”

SAVANNAH smiling a little as he laid his guitar down, she couldn't help but just take in the view for a moment. Everything about him was literally perfect. That stupid smile. That ridiculous look in his eye whenever she was there with him. He just did things to her that he probably didn't know. She liked them all though and she would never complain. Hearing his words, she walked over to him and sat down beside him, turning her body to face him slowly and her blue eyes found his with a soft smile that played on the edges of her lips. “Thank you,” she started and bit her lip gently. “You and your music. What were you doing anyway?” She asked, pulling her chair a little closer to him and rested back against it.

THOMAS angled his chair to face her and placed his guitar down beside them, leaning it up against the wall. God. She was ridiculously gorgeous and he knew that she had to have known it. But it was in an innocent way. LIke the way she nodded her head and just listened to every word he said, even if he said nothing but nonsense. “I was just finding some music to go with his song I wrote the other day to sing in Glee. Nothing too major. And hearing about my music is clearly not why you’re here.”

SAVANNAH watched as he moved and she took in a deep breath before focusing on him again. She loved his music, everything about it but he must have known that by now. Letting her hands push into her jacket pockets, she pulled it closer to keep herself warm just because she wasn't warm yet from being outside and it was freezing anyway. Whenever he finished, she gave him a nod and then pressed her lips together while gathering up the nerve to actually have the conversation with him. She felt like she was going to throw up before she ever got to speak about what was going on. "You'll have to let me hear it sometime, if you don't mind. Right, I'm not here because of that though," she admitted and adjusted herself a little bit more while she finally looked back up at him to speak. “I want to try to make things work with us. I mean, obviously, it's up to you but I would really like it if we could try. I am by far not the best girlfriend in the world, I clearly have messed up in the past before but I've learned from my mistakes of that,” she cut herself off and her eyes found the ground and then chewed on the inside of her bottom lip. “I know you said that you want to have fun and you obviously don't have to do what I say, you're your own person and if that's what you want to do then I won't hate you but I just want you to know where I stand right now. I'm ready to try again but I won't get mad if you don't I'll understand. I've been talking too long and I'm just going to shut up now because I need to do that,” she finished and looked at her hands as they fumbled in her now lap.

THOMAS placed his hands on his lap and looked down at his fingers as she spoke to him. “Sure, whenever you wanna hear it you can,” he sighed as he looked up briefly and made slight eye contact with her before she started to speak again. There she was talking about her feelings and being completely open and honest with him and for a guy that normally had a whole lot to say he had nothing. Because he genuinely didn’t know what he wanted. Yes, of course, he had feelings for her. He wouldn’t still act like a jerk toward Carter if he didn’t but he also liked going out and meeting new people and having fun with the ones he was currently seeing. He wasn’t the type of guy to try and have multiple things on the side and he didn’t ever want to be that guy. When she stopped talking he looked up at her as she spoke her last words and ran a hand over the back of his head. “Savannah,” he breathed as he took a long pause before looking up at her. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’ve got people coming at me from all different directions talking about us. Even after I told you if this was ever going to be a thing I wanted our business to be our business.” Stopping there he sat up in his chair more and pressed his lips together. “I told you I wanted to be friends with you and now you’re putting me in this situation that I don’t want to be in because I feel obligated to just say yes.”

SAVANNAH listened to him quietly, her eyes finding his as she did so and then took in a deep breath. She wasn't sure what was about to happen and honestly, she felt like she was going to obviously have to listen to him but she just didn't know how this would end or change how they were. Whenever he spoke about people coming at him, she raised her eyebrows in confusion and then ran her tongue over her bottom lip in thought quietly. She didn't know what to say back, honestly, so she kept her gaze down and she tried to keep her real thoughts from just slipping past her lips and that was why did he go through all of this stuff with her if he didn't want to be with her. Looking up at him, she took in a breath and sighed. “I didn't tell them anything, I just told Charlie that I was coming over here but I mean, that was just because she's at my house and I didn't want her to think I wasn't coming home. As far as anyone else, they know about our break up. They know about how I felt, cause they are my friends and you know that Olivia and I are super close but I just. I listened,” she admitted softly before sighing and pushing hands down against the chair and pushing herself up while she looked down. “You don't have to say yes if you don't want to. If you just want to be friends then that's all we'll be but please,” she whispered as she chewed on her bottom lip, “please don't confuse me,” she whispered, chewing on her lip harder. “Because I know what I want but if you don't then I don't want you to feel obligated just because I guess I have protective friends.” she finally finished and ran her fingers through her hair, letting out a breath while her other hand moved to cover her mouth gently.

THOMAS didn’t bother to look up when she stood up, he had just assumed she was going to leave and be pissed at him but she didn’t. Leave that is. Leaning back in the chair he placed the side of his head and in his palm and looked up at her from the angle he was sitting. I’m not trying to confuse you, Savannah,” he huffed, rubbing a spot on his forehead. “I just don’t want to get shit from people because apparently we are meant to be together or whatever the hell it was. Do you know how awkward that is when you have no idea where it’s coming from? I have no idea what you tell these people, even after I made that request. My business is my business. Just like my business with you is ours and my business with Carter is apparently everyone's but you get the point. Look, I’m not trying to confuse you or lead you on.”

SAVANNAH sitting back down, she tried to just keep quiet before pressing her lips together. “You made that request and I told you what I said. You're right, our stuff is our stuff. It's always our stuff. Literally, nothing has happened though and I've said why I wasn't going to be home and then Olivia and I have the usual girl talk but it's nothing about you and I were meant to be or whatever. After the fight at the party, I talked to Olivia cause I needed someone to talk to me and we weren't at this point. I couldn't just keep it to myself because I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it, we were just..not here. I'm keeping things to myself but I can understand why that would make you feel awkward so I'm sorry.” Looking up at him finally, she let out a breath and just sat there for a second. “What do you want? You asked me last night. I told you. Now, what do you want from this?”

THOMAS ran his hand over his mouth and laughed a little at her comment. “That’s literally not even what I’m saying or what I meant. But whatever, take it how you want and make it seem like I’m telling you not to talk to anyone about your problems.” Moving his chair back a little he started to tense up. “Nothing. I want nothing.”

SAVANNAH letting herself lean back, she covered her face and bit the inside of her cheek. “That's not what I'm saying,” she admitted and then looked over at him again. “I'm saying all of our stuff is ours. It's not everyone else's' to know about and I know that. We don't even have our own stuff figured out and I know that. I don't think you're trying to limit me on what I do but I do know that our life is ours and it's just easier to not talk to everyone about everything because it's not their business. I get that.” Watching him, she shook her head and felt a few tears rimming in her eyes and she let her hands fall to her lap again. “I don't want to go through this again where I almost lose you again. We're doing good and I can't change what they say and I can stop talking about things all day, I just can't stop what they say but that's not my fault and I don't want to take the blame for that either. If I did something, I'll be the first to admit that I do.” looking at him, she leaned her head to the side. “I'm sorry, Thomas.”

THOMAS just sat there quiet, afraid of saying something mean to push her away even more. When they were good, they were so good but when they were bad, he would just shut himself off from everything. For some reason, that’s what he was doing. Maybe it was because if they got back together then everyone would know when she dumped him again because he could never keep his ego in check and he didn’t want to go through that, again. Sitting there in silence, he just nodded his head and pressed his lips shut.

SAVANNAH watched him quietly, letting herself try to figure out what was happening next but she didn't know and she was more than confused now than she was before. He was literally so much to her and he had to know it. That was just the thing though, they were trying too hard to make things just make sense and if felt like sometimes it was harder to just own up to how she felt. He scared her but not in a way that made her want to leave but in a way that made her just want to understand more about why she'd fallen for him like she had before and where they were now. “I don't know what to do now,” she admitted, chewing on her lip and resting her head on her hand gently.

THOMAS was slowly growing annoyed at this entire situation. Yes, he had feelings for her. But he also has feelings for a lot of people but that didn’t mean he wanted to be in a relationship with them. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just be friends. Was it really that hard? Yeah, he was practically the king of mixed signals but being flirtatious was literally so easy for him. He’s flirt with a pencil if you let him. “We can be friends like I’ve been saying for how long now?”

SAVANNAH gave a nod and finally let her shoulders give a slight shrug of understanding in time. “Then we're friends and that'll just be where I stop questioning things,” she finished, leaning her head up and then she finally stood up. She wasn't going to question anything anymore, she was just going to let things happen if they did. If not, then she didn't want to just ruin anything anymore. “That's fine.” She finished and then pushed her hands into her pockets. “Thank you for talking with me about this stuff.”

#// she made me write on a weekday. i hate her #mckinley:savannah #( interaction | chatzy. )#( feat | savannah rose. )

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