#maybe to remind myself also lol
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twst ocs in a not very twst themed post at all. just ouftifts i found on pinterest i wanted to sketch them in lol
#twst oc#oc: char#oc: dañarte#ocs#NEW DRAWING TAG NOW!!!! ->#cerealscribbles#ill also put the old tag here on the offchance someones checkin the old tag and can see theres a new one lol#cereal tries to draw#maybe to remind myself also lol#ok anyway. was considering the concept of dañarte having a goth prep hybrid fashion sense#which has NOTHIN to do with his twsted disney origins lol just kind of a vibe i thought might be fun#and i saw a vid of someone with a cool outfit on spinning around and i was like LEMME THUMBNAIL#but i didnt feel like redrawing so is just tiny sketchies teehee#and i think char could wear those long peacoats or whatever
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Cool awesome reminder that you don’t need amazing technical skill to be a good artist/storyteller
#I still compare myself to other people but also like. Damn. What if I don’t need to#That’s literally what working with other people is for . so you can fill in for eachother and make an awesome thing :)#Reminder that Toby Fox is not a skilled visual artist LOL he makes concept art in mspaint#Ik He’s more of a composer / character writer but you know what I mean. He works with other people to bring those ideas to life#You don’t have to be good at everything !!#Txt#art#I say this because rendering pieces of art takes me dozens of hours and it’s literally so much work and I hate it sometimes#Ok then make a simple stylistic choice instead of doing a giant painting !! it will still carry the same or maybe even greater impact#I still want to make awesome giant beautiful pieces of art (illustration) but alas I don’t have infinite energy#I usually only make sketches instead and that doesn’t mean they’re unfinished. Maybe that’s just all they’re meant to be#Until I change my mind at least 🩷#Adhd#Honestly anything that gets your idea across is good enough. Depends on the idea
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just a little tip for fellow autistics: if a doctor asks “can you do x?” what they really mean is “can you do x without pain?”
Generally, if you just say “yes i can do that” they will assume you can do that thing painlessly and without issue at all times. you need to clarify ���i can but it hurts a lot” or “i can only do this sometimes when x and y” etc.
They will also generally assume you won’t do things if they hurt too much, but a lot of us deal with pain very differently than an allistic person might. Even if some pain doesn’t stop you from doing something, you should still tell them you have it, it still “counts.” If you are not visibly (to them) showing signs of pain, they will almost always assume you don’t have any and you need to tell them otherwise.
#actuallyautistic#i keep forgetting this myself so maybe its helpful#for someone#bc like if only id known this at 16 lol#reminder that allistics are very very bad at reading cues that are different from their own#also#please look at the 1-10 scare with explanation for every number if youre like me you might have a wrong idea of what each means#'i can feel the pain constantly but still do almost everything' is already a 4
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im so glad im not the only person that looks at seungmin and goes "❓tism❓" bc he is Way Too Relatable to me as a person w autism
yeah..... like I say it in jest but also..... well, yk. sometimes you notice something and you notice something and you notice something and you go Hmmmm
#enby-peep#lol its funny for me personally bc i see a lot of stuff that reminds me of my cousins daughter........ and shes autistic#but everyone in our family constantly and my cousin especially is like Shes you. You are her. Youre so alike.#So you were autistic and that explains your childhood#and i was like Um. I dont know :) i dont know........ i refused it and then i went to the psych for my adhd#he was like 🤨 can you fill out these sheets... and it was to see if i was hitting the markers#and i was hitting them. I was hitting them out the park but i also knew exactly what to answer... not to hear it#so i just answered it... incorrectly to myself. anyway that was 3 yrs ago and i still go ???? why did you lie ??? wtf#so. maybe my seungmin commentary is sometimes a commentary on myself also#but its the same reason being sent to therapy as a teenager didnt work on me bc i knew exactly what to say to be#told what i wanted to hear- youre a mature smart young woman- youre good. id just lie to hear that even if it wasnt actually helpful#and i succeeded. Im a great actress. i didnt want help i wanted to be perceived as normal and i was for a minute. incorrectly.#and probably negatively maybe if i didnt lie i'd be different now but I did and I did it again 3 yrs ago but..... I think ive finally left#idk. my weird obsession with being 'normal' behind- i dont follow the script as much as i did before and im much more honest about how i am#this is an insane set of tags LMAO#so sorry#i dont talk about this stuff often and its An Anniversary today i accidentally used this ask as an emotional dumping ground#some people have journals (seungmin) i have tags on a tumblr post#peace and love on planet earth
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Y'all since we already know that Gwen can and probably does look at Peter B being happy now and think how her Peter never got a chance for a better life cuz he died so young because she accidentally killed him now imagine she goes to Earth-42 and finds Miles-42 fatherless and she knows that she almost let that happen to this Miles. I get that we assume Miles will understand that she had her own problems and was forced to be in Spider Society and he would eventually forgive her but I'm saying that I don't think she will forgive herself, ever.
#friendly reminder that peter was also in love with her and i feel like that and the fact that he didn't hate when he was dying just added#more weight to the whole thing#cuz he forgave her immediately and she never forgive herself because of it#she knows she didn't do it on purpose but she still did it and that's what always follows her knowing that she was the one who did it#so far every other spider man that i know caused the death of their loved one but wasn't the one who did it and this was all her#it wasn't a supervillain that did it it was her#and on top of that her own father blamed her for it for years and after knowing it was her#so imagine her after staying with the spider society thinking of that like was this really my fault my own father thinks so maybe i was too#forgiving to myself i did it so i should stay away from everyone and she even had jess tell her all the time to not grow attached#sorry for so many tags lol but think about it it's wild from her pov#gwen stacy#miles morales#spider man across the spider verse#beyond the spiderverse#spider man beyond the spider verse#across the spiderverse#Spiderverse
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Milena's Makeover - Pt. 1 🪄💫
(i'm pretty sure i'm settling on this, but only time will tell if i stick to it 😪)
prepare for a small self indulgent yap-fest 🤞
i've been thinking of giving milena a makeover for so long - but ONLY her looks. milena's personality and backstory (while i haven't talked much about it here) are staying the same! 💜
i loved milena's other design, i just never had much fun drawing her unfortunately 🥺 so this is long overdue!
my two biggest struggles doing this have been her hairstyle and her facial structure. until i remembered.. she's my character.. and i can make her however i want her to be 🫣
i still feel like i'll be altering a few things overtime, and although i'm missing a few of her old traits, i love this sm. plus her hair colors and eye colors tie into her lore! 🥹
(there is more i haven't shown yet.. but those things are going to be revealed soon 👍)
here we gather to mourn the loss of:
milena's freckles
the scar/mark (or is it really all that gone???)
milena's 3A hair
#i needed to keep reminding myself that no one is going to be bothered if i ramble on my OWN blog LOL#but ANYWAYSSS.. i'm probably going to be drawing milena plenty more now#one thing i am disappointed with myself in is the fact that i feel i never quite present her with her asian features#i feel like if i showed her parents maybe my selection of features would make more sense??#also! fun fact i'm super excited to share is - her features ARE inspired by birds like owls and eagles!#because she loves birds and her patronus + house + animagus are all eagles.. you get me?? 🫠🫠#+ another fun fact - the singular pearl earring is from samantha. they share a set 💜#and it's also an enchanted communication device!#ALSO. i really wanted her hair to look like someone messily cut her hair with scissors and i feel like i captured that#because thats exactly what happened with her hair HAHAH#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hogwarts legacy art#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#milena chase#sparxyvdoodles
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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2005 Australian Grand Prix[Redux] - Giancarlo Fisichella, Rubens Barichello & Fernando Alonso(my personal post-race highlights)
#redoing this made me realize how much I slept on Fisi the first time I posted this race! hes so handsome!!#but then I also realized he is a victim of the first race winner curse :((#I JUST REALLY LOVE THE RENAULT BOYS AAGHHHHH ;;;#also hehe if youve seen my og post you will recognize the rubens alonso headpat aka the moment that made me want to start posting#(its been so long since i watched this race that while making this i had to keep reminding myself that this content isnt new haha)#(its rly funny to me that i made one gif for the og post yet didnt gif anything else???)#(like okay what is this partial effort catie)#(its especially painful bcs this race has actually prob the best camerawork for this season so AGHHHH)#(thats why im doing a redux btw lol bcs this race truly deserves better treatment)#(also its crazy how much time making a post can take up i started a race and i got halfway through???)#(also maybe expect two monza posts: 2005 of course and also i want to gif seb 2008 str win since ive already watched that but didnt gif it)#oopsies sry for all the tags!! i love rambling!!!#giancarlo fisichella#fernando alonso#rubens barrichello#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula 1#(2005: 1/19 races watched)#fa14#renault#2005 australian gp#race posting:2005
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'TOP TIER' MV ✧ PARK WOO JIN
#ab6ix#park woojin#woojin#ab6ix woojin#kflops#hijaehyukkies#useroro#rosieblr#userfairy#wabisarah#flashing tw#*ambiv.gif#i know this came out a week ago but nobody's giffed it yet and i convinced myself to do it in order to remind myself that ab6ix is not dead#but also this is quite literally one of the ugliest mvs ever sorry woojin it's not ur fault bnm is broke#u & stylists understood the assignment for the king character but the rest was so ungiffable and the flashing made me sick </3#also sorry i added noise to make it even uglier </3 my toxic trait when i gif dark mvs ... maybe i shouldve only done the king gifs lol
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i should stop going on twst reddit bcs the most popular opinion there is that Lilia's dream was the cause of why Book 7 was long (like it was a bad thing lol), I dont really like that opinion as someone who hated it when that book started going with other characters outside of diasomnia😞😞😞
#also maybe its bcs the players there are most en server only but seeing sebek hatred still prevalent there kinda makes me sad too lol#this just a rant and a reminder to myself to just block users there like what i do here in twt and tmblr lol
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(✿^‿^)
🩷🩷🩷
{ transmasc genderfluid, he/they }
#you guys get a vid bc the gif quality was HORRENDOUS lol#Also this. Is very old. Like. Last August lol#Look at my thighs boy#Haven't posted myself in a while and y'all need to be reminded of what a cute boy I am#My leg hair doesn't show up in this lighting/filter unfortunately but know it's THERE >:[#So. Um.#me#gonna tag this lol#thighs#soft boy#nsft#I think? No? Maybe? It's? Idk I don't wanna get banned or flagged lol#Meeeeee🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
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queenmaker should be coming in the next few days, depending on whether i have bad hayfever or a cold today - this is supposed to be my holiday week, so i would expect that i am actually sick, but then also i've passed out for every hour i haven't been at work today so i'm both caught up and screwed up on sleep ready for my half days 😭😂
#i may also have just pushed it too far yesterday#but like idk i was just vibing and then the hayfever gutpunched me at midnight#i think i let my guard down about having a holiday and my body was like 'don't need to stop cold germs coming in!' happens every gd time#it's a reminder not to let it happen at christmas#anyway to those still reading today has been really weird#i'm totally fine at work the hayfever even went away#but at home? literally can't keep my eyes open#i wanted to play a game tonight and between 5 and 9 i've watched two hours of tiktoks and lain facedown on the couch like a coma patient#and eaten tin spaghetti and toast that i slightly burnt for dinner#because i left my pasta out last night and i thought i had food poisoning this morning so i convinced myself the pasta is evil#which doesn't logically make sense but that's anxiety for you lol#anyway i actually have woken back up again a bit while i'm sitting here so maybe there's something left in me
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Still so sad that Merle Highchurch's canonically nonbinary plant-person partner who can't fucking stand him but is still infatuated with him and also they share a psychic unbreakable bond tying them together- as far as we know forever- all because the two's bosses thought it'd be funny to set them up together isn't like. A well known thing in the fandom </3 they're so funny </3 my psionic warriors think about Kuo Adventurezone for me please and thank you
#I LOVE YOU KUO ADVENTUREZONE YOU'RE SO SILLY I WISH MORE PEOPLE KNEW YOU <3 YOU GO THROUGH SO MUCH BULLSHIT FOR NO REASON <3#truly the 'i can't believe i have to fuck that old man' 'you don't have to' 'no I'm gonna' character of all time <3#I'm gonna be completely honest half the time i make these posts I'm paranoid i made up an imaginary sequel in my head and none of it's real#but that's my paranoia issues speaking!! luckily i can go back and listen to The Zone of Adventure: Imbalance and remind myself it's real#merle highchurch#merle hightower highchurch#merle taz#taz merle#merle x kuo#kuo x merle#taz kuo#kuo taz#kuo adventurezone#kuo highchurch#<- maybe? not canon (yet) but it would be funny so I'm keeping it#oh also very much a silly and very simplified way of describing their dynamic for humor's sake i hope that's clear lol
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
#even silly shit like bringing up drinking even tho staff has clearly told him not too#like yeah its silly but its still sticking to his guns of being like we arent actually children anymore thanks#the food thing too like in an old 2 kids room he said something about not being able to eat on his bday bc they were filming so evidently#there was a moment in time when he caved to the shitty diet obsession kpop had but ever since hes never really said anything like it again#instead hes telling everyone to eat well and reminding people to have dinner or lunch every other day#even the comment about growing his hair out but then being like lol the stylist probably wont like me saying that or whatever#and like the yeah im going to the gym but im not lifting. dont expect me to bulk up. im doing it for stamina<< that made me cackle#bc i did see people on twt being like but what if seungmin got buff tho omg hed be so hot 🥺 Well him bein buff isnt what this is about#so he went and made sure people were realistic. not everyone needs to be noticeably cut yk#idk maybe bc i watched most all the skz content all the way through#and now i go back and gif stuff i notice patterns more easily than if youve been here for longer and havent watched older stuff#for a while- maybe? idk its just funny but i also see takes a lot and have to stop myself from going No <3#anyway this is my obligatory insane ksm tangent of the week. see you in 5 minutes.#🐶
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Something that I've found to be quite interesting is how many contrasting events have been happening from about a week and a half ago to today.
On one side it has been one of the most challenging, gruesome, heartbreaking, difficult, etc times of the year. So many things have happened, accidents, medical emergencies, family issues amongst other stuff that I'd rather not talk about publicly! (anxiety bla bla bla), I've been feeling so drained and tired, I've been dreading certain parts of my day-to-day life, I've dealt with a lot of physical pain as well which hasn't been fun at all, as it also stopped me from doing things.
On the other hand, I've never felt as loved and cared for, specially from certain people who I really love. All of them have helped me to deal with all of what's happened and I couldn't be more grateful about it. I've had to remind myself that despite my fears and anxieties I still have love.
I still have a lot to live and love for. As someone said to me today, what is happening to me is just life itself. That thought grounded me a lot and cleared my mind as well. I cannot say how I will feel when I wake up, but I can safely say I feel a little bit better now.
#hey guys it's me#there's things i don't feel comfortable talking about LOL !#but still wanted to idk talk about my feelings a little to make it a little bit more real#but yeah life has been both awful and lovely! but my god i will try to prevail#like i still feel wounded cause a lot of situations have brought up A LOT (maybe too much) past trauma#which hasn't been fun to deal with#but i need to remind myself to take things day by day#also hey @ user heartwig love u <3 thank u for being so lovely <3#idk so many thoughts and introspection and talks my brain is about to EXPLODE!#give that bitch some rexulti! (jokes on me it expired on april and i haven't got another prescription bc it's so expensive LOL)#idk can a gal get to be happy c'mon it's pride month this is so unfair 😐😐😐😐😐😐
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ngl the enthusiasm cs pacat has for her own writing in old livejournal posts and interviews and commentaries makes me want to reconsider my "i'm not going to attempt publishing original work in any serious capacity bc the industry depresses me too much" stance
#so much of her discussion about craft and passion for her characters reminds me of myself#esp before like 2020#and now when i'm in spaces where i feel like people actually care about talking about writing#maybe i make a wordpress for npc and publish it there#i don't want to idk. overestimate my abilities#but with the combination of passion i have and the way i write (which isn't for everyone! but i can't in good conscience call it BAD)#maybe i could make something of it#even though i kinda resigned myself to not doing towards the end of college#txt#also wow i want to interview cs pacat lol
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