#maybe three years ago was the last time i felt this VERY SPECIFIC ANXIETY IDK IF Y'ALL UNDERSTAND HOW SPECIFIC THIS EXACT FEELING IS FOR ME

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I honestly think I might be going insane

[drmazel]

Ok, secrets in return.. 6, 10, 15, 17...

ooh a lil secret exchange...... like little kids at a slumber party..... love this energy

6) how is your life different now from two years ago

hmm.... july 2018.... tbh not a whole lot has changed since, then, graduate school has a funny way of being all the same all the time. but i can think of a few... 

school/job-wise, i became a doctoral candidate in june 2018 which was just over 2 years ago and that was cool, and my research was finally published in december 2019 which kicked ass. actually the project that was published wasnt even finished until october 2018 so i guess that too. my mentor and i have developed a really great mentor/mentee relationship that i attribute a good amount of personal growth to, bc for like the first time in my life i have someone actively helping me quash a lot of self doubt.

personal life-wise, hmm... in october 2018 i had the plate in my knee removed bc it was severely impeding my recovery and making it hard to walk. i figured out how to sit down on the floor and get up from the floor and go up and down stairs one at a time with a railing, then without a railing, learned how to crouch about halfway to normal, built up my stamina to stay standing for about an hour with minimal discomfort whereas before i suffered if i stood for 10 minutes. the girl that almost killed me was finally arrested and convicted and put in jail which doesn’t fix or reverse anything but still felt like some kind of justice. 

and then personality wise i am just a little less afraid of getting things wrong. still terrified and still impacts my life, but i am able to give things a shot instead of dismissing them outright. led to me finding out i’m pretty good at some stuff i otherwise never would have tried. i’m also a little less afraid of asking for help or setting boundaries. therapy has that effect i guess. 

i’m also way more long-winded than before, i feel like, as presented here. oops. i also feel like i’m much more forgetful and scatterbrained than before. not sure if it’s from stress, or a natural progression of taking on more obligations and learning how to balance them, or a long term side effect of having who knows what pumped into me for a month straight three years ago. maybe all three?

10) do you believe in ghosts

nah. i don’t really have a wordy explanation as to why i don’t so you get a break from the wall of text from the previous question.

15) what is your favorite memory

questions like this are hard bc i have a pretty bad memory and favorite memories only come to me when i encounter something that reminds me of it? it’s really hard to call upon specific memories. but i’ll at least try to think of a nice one from recent memory, i’m sure it’ll be far from my favorite but that’s okay. 

hmm... oh actually my most recent birthday (abt 2.5 weeks ago) was really really nice? nothing super special happened; i got up, i went to work, i went home and bought myself an ice cream cake and video called my family. but throughout the day i had more people wishing me happy birthday than i ever had in my life. i’m a fairly active member of the rq official discord and i had no fewer than 2 dozen people immediately send happy birthday messages if they caught the implication from someone else (maybe more, that server is huge and it’s hard to keep track). and i’m in another, smaller server (you may be familiar uwu) where i’ve pretty fairly recently gotten to know a new group of people that seemed to pretty quickly welcome me into their friend group and i got some really nice birthday sentiments there too. and then at work i didn’t even really tell anyone it was my birthday, but i’m friends with one of my lab mates on facebook and he must have had birthday notifications on because he came by and wished me a happy birthday

obvs the last few months have been really isolating for just about everyone, but tbh it’s been especially hard for me bc i don’t really have many friends to begin with and definitely like no friends in my home town so my minimal social contact of like just small talk at the store and only having real conversations with coworkers being taken away has had me fairly down? but apparently over the past few months i have slowly been submitting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known, even just a little bit, and reaping the rewards of being loved in return, no matter how small, felt really nice and made it a really special day uwuwuwuwu

17) what ‘small things’ things terrify you

i know i have some intangible existential fears that would definitely seem trivial to some people but see above point about having a really hard time calling upon specific memories, and also i’m in a good mood so i’m not gonna try too hard. but off the top of my head two silly weird fears i have are 1) heights and 2) having people around me start singing. 

1) i know heights are a very common fear/phobia but you don’t understand. i’m talking “i will literally freeze in place if i try to step onto this 4-inch stepstool, like seriously my conscious mind will not be able to lift my second foot onto the step, like it’s bolted to the ground” PETRIFIED of heights. i cannot stand on anything my brain perceives as not-solid-ground. this means i’m actually okay in airplanes and things like the st louis arch. i actually love that shit, i’ll look down at the ground and enjoy the view all day. but the second i have a single doubt about my ability to stay upright, fuck the fight/flight/freeze response. we are on 24/7 freeze/freeze/freeze response LOCKDOWN.

2) i’m talking flash mobs, i’m talking karaoke night, i’m talking people singing happy birthday to me. the idea of it puts me in “find an escape” mode, and being in it gives me the worst second-hand embarrassment ever, even if it’s all in good fun and there’s no reason for anyone involved to be embarrassed. this extends even to movie musical numbers (i actually skipped the scene in the tavern in disney’s tangled bc it gave me weird anxiety) and shit like hearing someone i know from another medium begin to sing (this is why it took me so long to check out the mechs and also why i cannot listen to recordings of friends singing as much as it would mean a lot to them for me to do so). idk if there’s a name for this phenomenon or if i’m the only person on the planet with this weird almost-or-maybe-complete phobia.

[weaverlings]

Time Works

Poorly, or not at all. Like love. Unscientifically. In mysterious ways, mostly.

Night Vale has changed, whether or not its citizens know.

god idk I did this all at once tonight because I’m emotional?? about tomorrow?? year 8 yeah okay!!!!!!

this is extremely post episode 150, 100% pure hypothetical but I had fun playing with some concepts

content note for anxiety, accidental pregnancy, alcohol, spiders

AO3 Link

- - - - - -

Three o'clock in the morning. That meant something now. 

Time, lost sleep, sweat, dreams. All soaked into the sheets. It felt like the AC was off for some reason. Why would the AC be off? It was not Pioneer Day again, yet. The clock was still on, red digits leaking onto Cecil's lacquered night stand. 

Three-oh-one, now. His shirt was damp against his back. His arm was trapped under Carlos' back, so he couldn't really roll over to see the clock. He could only lie there, and glance at it, and not fall back asleep. He tried to ease his arm free, as Carlos' warmth had broken into the heat of deep sleep, the heat of a summer night that contradicted every lecture on desert safety and survival from his boy scout days.

Almost forty years ago now. That meant something. 

Carlos made a sound. An abrupt sigh, a heavy breath. His lungs catching up with the rest of him. Cecil thought that this meant he had not been gentle enough, although Carlos would not have understood it that way. 

"Ceec?" 

"It's nothing. Go back to sleep."

"Mmm? Mmm-no, hold on..." Carlos protested, and rolled onto his side. 

Cecil caught Carlos' hand as it slipped over his stomach. He squeezed, kissed Carlos' knuckles, and then, delicately, tucked his husband's hand between them so that he could sit up. He whispered, "I just need a drink of water."

He closed the bathroom door behind him, and thought, this is what mirrors are for, and his heart quivered in his throat, but his thoughts were running away from him now, his thoughts were heat-haze-

This is a moment that belongs to a mirror, I should lean on the countertop, and I should look, look in and really see- 

He did not touch the black drape. It hung, still and opaque. His heartbeat throbbed in his skull, rushing in his ears, eating into his perception of space. He did want some water. That had been true, still was. He had frightened himself now, and if he grabbed the tap, then his knuckles might brush the cloth behind it. He might touch the mirror. Well, he couldn't, but he might come as close as he could. 

Nearly forty-five years ago, his mother had warned him. She had looked into his eyes, and he had looked back, wide, grinning, knowing only the attention of someone who loved him. She had looked into his eyes, until he giggled, but she had never laughed. 

That meant something now. He had been too young to understand then, but he had broken the moment. A moment, a mirror. And he was old enough to understand now, it hadn't been his fault.

He just, he needed some water. That was all. He reached for his glass by the sink, a novelty glass with fading paint: S  my's Ultima lic ria. Half the S was gone, too, worn away by his thumb over the years. There was a knock on the door. He dropped the glass. 

It shattered. 

The door opened. The glass shattered under the sharp, orange light, and now what had been maybe three-quarters of a pizza slice were fragments of cartoon eyeballs on fragments of lumpy yellow background. 

Carlos leaned in through the doorway, speaking past a hand over his mouth. "Aww, honey! Are you okay? Oh, I'm so sorry, I know that glass was your favorite, I didn't mean-"

"I know," Cecil said, too quickly. He reached out over the shards. Carlos took his hand tightly, and Cecil's pulse softened, or at least, throbbed less behind his eyes. And then Carlos let go, and blew Cecil an apologetic kiss. 

Carlos said, "I'll go grab a broom. And some slippers. Closed-toed footwear is very important for safety. So you stay right where you are until I've got some, okay? Don't move!"

Cecil did move, but it was to lean back and brace himself against the counter. It had been around ten minutes, probably. Three-eleven in the morning. That meant he was never getting his glass back. It had lasted him over thirty-five years. He felt something pulling in his chest, testing the connection between his heart and its vessels.

He would just have to find a new one. 

------

The house was quiet without Roger. 

The house was quiet with Roger, but it was a different kind of quiet. There were ripples: traffic through the open window. The humming fridge. The sound of the traffic coming in through the open window tearing out the doorway that he had thoughtfully left open for them. But otherwise, the quiet had settled, with no young voice to ask Earl about lunch, or to drive him to meet his friends in the sand wastes. 

Roger was at his mother's. Roger's mother had once been Earl's girlfriend, and now they had a custody agreement. It was all amicable.

What had happened was this: Earl had been nineteen for exactly one year. During that year, he had dated a young woman, and they had sex. They used birth control. It worked. They'd graduated college and gone their separate ways. Several years later, after Earl had established himself in an upscale kitchen, they tried again as adults. As independent adults, anyway. 

They had sex. They used birth control. It failed. They talked about what to do - if they wanted to let the pregnancy become a child. If she wanted that, most importantly. 

She did. And then, they did. They had decent means and familial support. They could make their life work with a child in it, they thought. They turned out to be wrong. They could not make their life work at all, but, in the end, they had made their lives work with a child in it. They were better co-parents than partners. 

It was all perfectly amicable, as long as they both remembered that the other existed. It had been that way for as long as Earl remembered now, too. Their lawyers had both had a lot to say to him, regarding the fact that he had picked Roger up for the school year a few years back and never returned. 

But there had been a custody agreement, and Earl had always adhered to it perfectly. Hadn't he? He'd asked Roger's mother. Didn't she remember all the time she had spent with their son over the years?

She did. No one asked Roger what he remembered. Earl didn't ask, because he couldn't bear to. He couldn't guess his co-parent's motivation, and it was better not to try. Better to just leave things as amicable. 

The Faceless Old Woman had been disappointed by just how amicable it was. She'd wanted some drama. Humans were good at drama, but all that had happened was this: Roger's mother rang the doorbell. Earl clapped his son on the shoulder and asked if he had everything. Roger nodded silently and shrugged his duffel bag up on his shoulder, and he left without saying anything.

The house was usually quiet, even with Roger. 

But there was texture, or tension, or there was something, anyway. The Faceless Old Woman had opened the window to let the traffic in as a kind of protest, and to disrupt the specific quiet that settled over the house. Earl closed the window before he left, so that he could lock the door on his way out. 

He was an adult with a social life, and time to spend. He had plans that afternoon with an old friend and his husband. They would provide the groceries, the knives, and some labor, because cooking together could be a joyful labor as long as no one was paying you to do it. He would provide the rest of the labor, and his choice of wine. 

Several hours later, there was a roast in Cecil and Carlos' oven, gleaming with lead-free glaze that Earl had brushed on just so. Potatoes topped with pencil shaving crust and casserole dish of green beans waited in the warming drawer underneath. The bottle of wine was down about halfway, although not all of that had actually been drunk yet. All three men were feeling pleasant and companionable, not watching a movie while they waited for the roast to finish. 

Carlos volunteered to get up to check on it. It took him a minute and three kisses to untangle himself from his husband. 

"So, how are things back at your place?" Cecil asked, draped over the armrest of the couch to face Earl. "Enjoying some peace and quiet?"

Earl sipped. He said, "It's quiet."

Cecil straightened. "But you're not enjoying it?"

"Well, I'm not… not enjoying it. But it's different. It's like, I'd just gotten used to things being one way, and now it's another…"

"Oh, yeah, I totally know what you-"

"But that's not true, either. It's been like this for a long time. I mean, I've shared custody of Roger for… for most of my adult life."

"Well, of course. But that doesn't mean it can't be tough," Cecil offered sympathetically. 

"Of course?"

"Well… Yeah. Yeah, of course?"

"No. Not of course. Because it's new, isn't it? It's always been this way, but not for long."

Cecil was silent. Cecil was watching the movie, Earl realized.

Earl leaned forward in his chair. "You know what I mean, right? Don't you, Cecil? I can't… That's the only way I can describe it, but you… How would you describe it?"

Cecil picked up his glass, but did not drink. He twirled it between his fingers, and closed his eyes. "I wouldn't. I wouldn't describe it, Earl."

"But that's what you do, right?"

Cecil treated him to an odd half-smile, as if there had ever been a normal one. Here, he saw an out. "Actually, that's more Carlos' territory. I'm just a humble reporter."

"Oh, really?" Earl looked over Cecil's shoulder, as Carlos came back into the room. Cecil looked behind him, and then to Earl again, shaking his head minutely. Earl hesitated as Carlos came around to take his seat. In the end, he took a gulp of his own wine and caught Cecil's eye defiantly. "Hey, Carlos. What do you think?"

Carlos nodded, and began ticking off items on his fingers. "The roast isn't done yet. The sky is a perfect, cloudless blue, and how often does that happen? I'm pretty worried about it. This movie has a lot of scientific inaccuracies, so maybe we could try another?"

Carlos had not heard what they were talking about.

Earl said, "Uh, sure! But that's not what I meant. I meant, what do you think about the fact that, things haven't been the way they've always been for long."

"Always is a fallacy."

"He's right, you know," Cecil marvelled, and kissed Carlos' cheek. "My brilliant scientist…"

"Okay, fine. But, like… Things have been this way for a while. You know, just things. Life. Except, actually, it's been… two months, at most. No. Almost a month and a half."

Carlos took stock of his current sensory input. He could see Earl, still forward in his seat, eager in an almost biting way. He could also feel his husband, the body pressed against his, the fingers wrapped tight around his shoulder. 

"I haven't studied that yet, so it would be irresponsible of me to say," Carlos said carefully. "But I think that I like how things are now. I think that maybe I'll study it, but I'd rather enjoy this state of being, this... right now, you know? Than pick it apart." 

"I think this is far more entertaining than the movie," the Faceless Old Woman who secretly lived in their home crooned from somewhere above the couch. "But lay off on the insect treatments, okay? I'm running out of snacks." 

She was just glad they hadn't gone to a restaurant, or somewhere that was not a home. She'd hoped to keep tabs on the fidgety one, the one who was a mass of sloshing darkness inside, and she could do that just fine here. She could do that in all homes at once. Time had never been her problem.

------

Maureen still lived with her parents, so she joined Michelle at her apartment after work most nights. It was a small place, capturing perfectly the idea of bare bones. Most of the decor that there was, was skull themed. Skull-patterned cushions on a built-it-yourself couch. Skull-patterned bedding. 

All the mugs were just skulls with the jaws removed. There were mostly mugs in the kitchen. One plate, a scattering of forks, and Michelle hadn't even filled the hot milk drawer yet. That was millennial life: a floating existence, easy to uproot. She'd have a hot milk drawer one day, if she ever settled down.

Maybe it would be their hot milk drawer. That'd be nice, they both thought, but they didn't know how to approach such a personal subject with each other yet. So they kept bouncing on Michelle's carpet. They were recording a hopcore album together. That was a subject they could handle. 

They could also handle the neighbors below them, who were throwing shoes and rocks and occasionally fruit at their ceiling to express their displeasure. Maureen had brought over a tube of wolf spider insulation that night. She had poured it down the vents, and then super-glued the vents shut. 

It'd take a few days, Maureen promised, but soon they'd have a lot less editing to do. Maureen was pretty good at editing - she'd had a lot of experiencing working with auditory media, which was exactly why she hated it. So Michelle handled that, but Maureen didn't mind pitching in to lighten the load. 

Michelle wouldn't have minded, either way. She liked editing what they made together. She heard it more closely than anyone that way, even Maureen herself. She'd select a tiny clip of their breathing and loop it, under a second, again and again and again and. Until it had been several seconds, and then she pressed delete, and their breathing was gone forever. 

Michelle didn't know how to feel about that, but it curdled in her chest, and as long as Maureen stayed with her, she'd have time to figure things out.

They'd just kind of been doing this. Michelle had just locked up the shop, like always, when her phone buzzed. It was Maureen, asking if Michelle wanted to hang. Michelle did, and invited Maureen over. Michelle had gone home, like always, just letting her feet deal with the problem of navigation. 

And then, like always, Maureen had been waiting by the door to the apartment. 

It had never happened before, and one day, Maureen would have a key, and also not live with her parents anymore. But until that day, meeting Maureen outside was what it meant to come home.

------

The bleachers of the Night Vale High School gymnasium were mostly empty. The Night Vale High wheelchair basketball team was in its off-season, but they were holding a scrimmage that day to stay sharp. It wasn't something that demanded any audience, but it had one. A loose collection of bored siblings tagging along with supportive parents. A few peers trying to look bored, like they were only here for want of anything else to do, although they obviously had crushes on team members. 

Cecil, Carlos, Steve, and Abby sat together in the front row. Steve, as assistant coach, occasionally called out encouragement, or a suggestion here and there. Cecil, as a doting uncle, did the same. Whenever a husband jumped up to offer their input, Abby and Carlos, leaning back on the bleachers, shared a smile. 

Congratulations were in order after the game, of course. Janice high-fived her parents and uncles before heading to the locker room. Carlos volunteered to grab some snacks from the vending machine; it was still early and warm, and the gators would be too busy sunning themselves by the doors to be an effective barrier. 

Abby left to bring the car around, in part just because she could, just to enjoy the knowledge that she could leave her husband and brother in the same room, and no one would get hurt. 

"Hard to believe she's gonna be graduating in a year." Steve shook his head. "They grow up so fast."

Cecil was actually silent as they left the gym. "Oh, god! She is. Wow. Well, she's growing into a great young woman."

"Uh-huh. She's got a lot of great people to look up to. Her mother's a real winner. And her uncles aren't half-bad, either." Steve chuckled. He often did this. 

"Yes, well. Her dad is also… a good guy." Cecil said, after clearing his throat. Steve often chuckled, and this still annoyed him. God, it was so annoying. But Steve was a good guy, and more importantly: "A really solid dad, yup."

"We do the best we can with the time we've got. Just gotta hope it's enough." 

"Is it ever?"

The hallway was empty, choked with the absence of students and teachers. Their steps echoed off the lockers. 

Steve got the point. "No. I guess not."

Cecil thought about Janice. She had grown and changed so much. That was what childhood was. There was no stillness in childhood. She was hurtling, always, at speeds that would have made him sick now. He had done the same thing, but. 

It just all felt impossible. He'd been a community radio show host since before she was even born, and he would stay that way until someone pried the microphone from his cold, dead hands. Probably, this would happen literally. That was exactly what he wanted. 

It had been what he wanted, once. He had been a community radio show host for twenty-five years, and yes, he would stay that way. So, nothing changed. Or, everything did, and he couldn't understand or follow along in any meaningful way. He just reported on it. 

Soon, his niece would be graduating high school. But he would still be a radio host. His purpose would not change. His identity would not change. There was something in his chest, pulling. Something testing the connection between his heart and its vessels.

He could just say: nothing will change. This is how it is , until that was true. 

"Hey, are you doing okay? You're pretty quiet."

"What?" And then, realizing the question left a gap Cecil did not want to fill, he said, "Uh, yeah, I'm fine."

"Okay. You're just not usually quiet."

"I am perfectly capable of being quiet, Steve."

He was. He could be quiet. Sometimes, he even liked it. Curled up on the couch next to his husband, Carlos pressing idle kisses over his collarbone, his head tipped up to invite them. Quiet in the middle of a movie, or when they read on their phones before bed. 

Quiet at the dinner table, as he and Carlos delighted in Earl's cooking too much to compliment it right away. 

Quiet listening to Michelle's newest apiary arrangement, which she most certainly did not want his old-fashioned opinion of. 

Quiet, rapt in the audience of Janice's third ballet fight, the last before she'd given it up for basketball captaincy. 

And even in his studio, waiting for the weather to finish. 

They left the high school, and stepped into the bright afternoon. Carlos was already waiting outside with packages of gator jerky and orange juice. Cecil took some snacks, mostly to free his husband's hand for holding. He kissed Carlos on the cheek, and thought, I want this , so he kissed Carlos again, and then Carlos kissed him, and that frantic pull in his chest snapped. There was something spreading inside of him, a liquid sensation like internal bleeding, but freeing. 

His identity would not change, nor would it be limited. He could be a radio host, and not only that. With time, he would learn what else.

------

Cecil cleared their table at Big Rico's while Carlos settled the check. When the scientist came back, he set down something new. It was a novelty glass. The paint was crisp and bright. The motto, "No one does a slice like Big Rico. No one," was printed on it, where Big Rico was written in the logo font.

"Here, babe. I got this for you."

"Ooh, Carlos! I love it, aw! Thank you!"

"Of course. I mean, it's just to replace the one that broke."

"Yeah, but it's from you. That means… everything."

Actually, he could find a metaphor in it. That was his territory, more than description. He could draw a line, a narrative arc, from what had broken to what he held in his hands now. Something old and faded and certainly serviceable, but just not representative of where he ate lunch anymore, much less who he was. 

Also, Carlos had gotten it for him. So, seriously. Cecil loved it.

"As long as you like it."

"I do. I love it." Cecil held the gift to his chest in both hands, and kissed Carlos with it still between them. 

Then he thought the better of it, and broke off long enough to set it down. It needed to at least make it home with them. They kissed again, not for long, but embracing fully this time. They gathered up the leftovers, and Cecil held the door for Carlos on the way out.

"After you, Doctor!"

He really did have a brilliant husband, after all. Always was a fallacy. They were now, and that was enough. 

[othernecessarythings]

i’m sick and bored, let’s go

2020-02-10 (i’m 16)

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

i’m really content with being 167 cm

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

a dog, preferably a german shepherd

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

um i switch between alternative/emo-ish and hipster ig fashion girl, i like both of them

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

mario kart at nintendo ds

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

my best friend, music (hayley williams) and my sister

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

way too indecisive for their own good or may not be brave enough to voice their own opinion

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

winter, way too overrated it’s unbelievably boring and depressing

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

?? idk

9: Are you ticklish?

ye

10: Are you allergic to anything?

oh boy am i allergic,, in short yes i fucking am, to soap and shampoo and perfume and makeup and nickel and grass pollen and dog saliva and laundry detergent and the list just continues

11: What’s your sexuality?

umm idk bi maybe

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

neither, i’m not much of a hot drink person, but cocoa

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

DOG (idontreallytrustcats)

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

mermaid!! oh to be a free woman with shiny scales

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

exurb1a or apri park, and um guilty pleasure of mine but daniel howell

16: How tall are you?

167 cm, and with some googling, ≈5.5 feet

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

ah my middle name i think

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

i actually don’t know, we don’t own a scale,, but like somewhere between 50-60 kg

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

umm no

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

i love love love the ocean!!

21: Are you religious?

yeah i kinda am and all my friends around me are atheists (very few in sweden are devoted religious people) but i am maybe? like i don’t believe in any god, but i believe in the good every religion speaks about, and i appreciate the christian concept of love and acceptance,, idk

22: Pet peeves?

ah many, i never do something about them though, but for example some swedish grammatical errors (de/dem sigh)

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

nocturnal

24: Favorite constellation?

cassiopeia

25: Favorite star?

?? i don’t know any stars

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

i don’t like any dolls

27: Any phobias or fears?

not really

28: Do you think global warming is real?

of course?? how could you not?? i mean come on i’m swedish we knew it was real before greta represented our country’s fight against it

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

um no but i don’t believe that nothing happens after you die either so maybe

30: Favorite movie?

right now little women

31: Do you get scared easily?

yeah i never watch horror movies or stuff like that, but unlike from my friends am i not afraid of walking alone at night or similar things

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

a few fishes and a dog

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

i’ll rate my own blog instead, it’s shitty but it helps me relax and enjoy myself, it’s a safe space for only me

34: What is a color that calms you?

blue

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

oh so many places, i’d like to travel to asia and later live in the center of europe maybe

36: Where were you born?

sweden

37: What is your eye color?

dark brown

38: Introvert or extrovert?

definitely introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

no but i find it quite entertaining to read them and see if any applies to me or my friends

40: Hugs or kisses?

good hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

like hayley williams would be great

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

my sister and my best friends

43: Any piercings you want?

more in my ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

depends, i’ve got a few myself and i love them

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

yeah i do, both this and that lol

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

not really, i’m not the crush type of people,, it’s really hard for me to find someone i like

47: What is a sound you really hate?

i’ve never had a problem with specific sounds, but some feelings like the one when your hands are slightly damp and you lightly rub them against each other?? uhhhrhs i can’t stand it,, wait i know one sound!! i can’t sleep when it’s raining outside! and that’s quite unusual i guess, but it really isn’t calming for me

48: A sound you really love?

laughter from people i love, the waves by the sea, a candle being lit, the sparkle from an open fire

49: Can you do a backflip?

no

50: Can you do the splits?

no

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

i’m not that much of a movie fan, i don’t really know any

52: Favorite movie?

right now little women

53: How are you feeling right now?

sick and tired, but overall pretty happy!! i went to a wonderful concert yesterday and spent a few days in another city with my best friends

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

oh so many but right now black and dark red

55: When did you feel happiest?

last year at a tøp concert i think

56: Something that calms you down?

puzzles and music

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

nothing diagnosed and nothing right now, but i’m pretty sure i was depressed and had anxiety for some time ago

58: What does your URL mean?

um i just had to come up with a name quick and this was what i felt at the moment, and i guess it fits me, i am in fact a stupid goddamn fan of many things,, neon places are a combo of tøp related stuff and the song perfect places by lorde, and blasphemypilots is the song blasphemy by just twenty one pilots (see i am a stupid goddamn fan huh sigh)

59: What three words describe you the most?

oh um probably intelligent, indecisive and realistic

60: Do you believe in evolution?

what??? of course i do?? how could u not,, like seriously though i’ve never met any who don’t believe in it? what would u otherwise believe in? gods creation of the world or something? nah, as i said before, no one in sweden are really religious

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

usually them posting about stuff i’m not in to, but ofcourse if they’re being homophobic/racist/sexist etc

62: What makes you follow a blog?

content i like, majorly just text posts about relatable stuff

63: Favorite kind of person:

intelligent, witty people with wide smiles and lots of adventurous spirit and spontaneous ideas

64: Favorite animal(s):

idk maybe dogs

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

i really don’t know any specific

66: Favorite emoticon:

:) ;) not that original ik

67: Favorite meme:

hmm idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

oh i’ve done it plenty of times and got different results each time, but in the most recent was i infj-t

69: What is your star sign?

pisces

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

if i had, i’d probably teach them to be able to do it

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

black, wide jeans with a large grey reebok sweatshirt is probably my comfiest, but i’ve got other fits i feel more good looking in like my beige, wide jeans with a white turtleneck, a bright green sweater and jewelry

72: Post a selfie or two?

no thanks

73: Do you have platform shoes?

no, and i don’t think i want either

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

i can’t for my life imitate other people or dialects or stuff like that

75: Can you do a front flip?

hah no

76: Do you like birds?

yeah sure

77: Do you like to swim?

love it!! swimming in the ocean is wonderful, and in pools are okay i guess

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

depends on mood, i like both, it’s kinda dependable on season lol

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

some music genres lol like swedish rap or trump

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

i’m not that creative but more concerts in my hometown would be lovely, and for stuff that doesn’t exist? maybe hot ice cream or a speaker that played silence so the room got quiet hmm

continuing in the next post

[mautadite]

october book round up

19 books this month, which brings me to 125 for the year, and i’ve officially completed the yearly challenge! :) a little later than last year, but still earlier than i expected. i don’t imagine that i’ll read as much as i did last year, but i can still get a good bit done in two months i think. this month was pretty much just different flavours of romance, once again all audiobooks.

poison kiss - ana mardoll ⭐️⭐️⭐️ mixed feelings about this one. urban fantasy/paranormal with a neat setup and world building, but i feel like the author didn’t tell the story in the most effective way? not enough time spent on certain sections, time skips that were not needed, too many flashbacks. the poly romance was really sweet, though i didn’t much care for the love at first sight aspect when the third character was introduced. but this was a good book overall, with a unique plot and cast; might revisit the series.

the best boy ever made - rachel eliason ⭐️⭐️⭐️ very cute coming of age/ya romance. a conservative country girl is at first shocked when her best friend comes out as trans, but she slowly finds herself becoming his biggest champion, and then falling in love with him. took me a while to warm up to it bc i found the protagonist to be kind of obnoxious. and some of the later plot events were kind of ham-fisted. but i definitely liked it, mostly for sam and how good and kind he was.

i wish you all the best - meason deaver ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ BRUH I’M CRYING IN THE CLUB. this was a really fucking sweet ya romance. the main character finds themselves homeless after they come out as nb to their parents. they move in with their sister, enroll in a new school, and find themselves making friends with (and slowly falling for!) a literal ray of sunshine. this was great, another one of those books i wish i could have read when i was younger. dealt with coming out, depression, anxiety and first love, had great writing, and i’m still thinking about how great the ending lines were.

the neighbour - gerri hill ⭐️⭐️ eh... a book that COULD have been good (woman with a stunted career as a writer moves back home to take care of her ailing mother, finds herself falling for the rich lesbian player next door) but both main characters were so thoroughly unlikable lmao. judgemental, snooty, made jokes about harmful things, kind of elitist... there was one aspect of this book that i really liked (the main character changed careers later in life and it wasn’t seen as a failure, just moving on) but otherwise this was a disappointment.

the turner series - cat sebastian ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ historical romance!!! always a fave. this was a pretty fun series; first three m/m, last one f/f. a bit of mystery and intrigue in all of them, good humour, and a great cast of characters through and through. the second one was probably my favourite; one of the mcs suffered from anxiety attacks in an era where there was a lot of wrong information about mental health, and his love interest (a cheat and a scoundrel) ended up being the best thing that happened to him. although now that i’ve said that i just remembered how very much i love the third book’s protagonist (the rake, to be specific). standout character for sure. the last book has a dear place in my heart bc even though you can tell that the author doesn’t often write f/f, and it was a pretty short novella, it’s still historical lesbians, and i eat up historical lesbians with a spoon. (i could make a pretty bad joke here but lo and behold; i have GREAT self control.)

the secret casebook of simon feximal - k.j. charles ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ when k.j. charles is good, SHE’S REALLY FUCKING GOOD. this is a paranormal-mystery/romance book styled after the adventures of sherlock holmes (if you must know one thing about me it’s that i’m a slut for acd holmes, don’t fucking @ me), set in the very universe itself. not quite a pastiche but close enough, and it was so well written, with great world building around the magic and paranormal events, great characters, GREAT ROMANCE. told as stories published by robert, simon’s biographer and lover. i adored this and will definitely reread.

puppy love romance - georgia beers ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a trio of f/f novels centred around an animal rescue, and the women who work and volunteer there and fall in love there. each of these novels was really sweet, grounded in a way that i like for contemporary romance, and they all had adorable dogs in them. and i feel like beers really knows her way around plotting and pacing a novel, especially small town romances. but i also had pretty sizeable nitpicks for each of them lol. part of it is that i just got tired of beers’ writing style (as you can see, i took a break between the series). this is such a weird complaint but oh my god she uses too many adverbs lol. also there was always an emphasis on how amazingly stunningly gorgeously beautiful all six women were and it got so tiresome. idk who wants to read about women who are physically perfect all the time, but it’s not me. and one half of the romantic pair in each book (lisa, emily and sydney, in that order) had attitudes that i found obnoxious and were not resolved and i felt bad for their girlfriends having to deal with them. a fun read all in all, but some of those things rubbed me the wrong way, and i’m ready to take a break from this author. 

bound series - ava march ⭐️⭐️ a resounding meh. historical m/m romance that wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t anything great about it. i only read these like maybe a week and a half ago but i’m struggling to remember details. there was bdsm, which i didn’t hate, but i also didn’t care. the plot was bleh, the sources of conflict were weak, and one of the dudes was kind of an asshole. /shrug emoji

reverie - eliza andrews ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ god... GOD. the ride i took with this book was like... a really sexy butch took me out to dinner, wined and dined me, and in the very last course she leaned over and spit in me food. the premise: a woman on the run from her abusive ex-husband settles into a small town where she find herself drawn to the only out lesbian in town, a sweet butch ex-marine, and her mysterious nurse of a neighbour. this book was soooooooo well written, so well crafted, so moving, so beautiful. a paranormal mystery that actual kept me guessing. i was ready to name it the best f/f book i read this year, if not the best romance period. and then the ending. the FUCKING ENDING. i’ve rarely been so let down in my life. i’m looking at the four stars i gave this and wondering if i should go lower because SERIOUSLY. thinking about it is getting me kind of upset. this book could have been SO good. uuuuuugh. 

brothers of the wild north sea - harper fox ⭐️⭐️ this is tricky because like. this book was definitely like, not good lmao, but it was good enough that i almost feel guilty giving it 2 stars. this is a historical romance that takes place more than a thousand years ago between a viking and a monk. it wasn’t badly written, probably wasn’t historically accurate but i mean, i don’t care. but it was too long, i didn’t care about the characters, it was badly plotted, and just really confusing overall. i think harper fox is great at writing romance, but all other aspects of this novel fell flat.

escape velocity - anah crow, dianne fox ⭐️⭐️⭐️ sci-fi m/m romance. a linguistic researcher and a pilot struggling with his religious beliefs fall into a whirlwind romance. pretty cute. i found it too short as i find most novellas, but i think the authors did a lot in relatively few words. definitely wish there was more worldbuilding. kind of hope the authors have plans to make this a series.

nowhere ranch - heidi cullinan ⭐️⭐️⭐️ a sweet romance between a farm hand and his boss. i didn’t think i’d like it much, but it was pretty enjoyable! very simple writing stuff that fit well with the gruff, no-nonsense, trying to shut everyone out protagonist. i really liked him; identified with him a lot, and his journey into opening up, dealign with his anxiety and self-worth issues. and the romance was sweet (though oooof, some of the sex scenes were too much). the book went from being really raunchy to really domestic and i kind of liked that. the resolution came a bit too quick, but i enjoyed it nonetheless.

that’s it for october! still currently unemployed, waiting for the people i signed a contract with to call me. since i don’t want to dip too much into my savings i’ve been doing odd jobs here and there, and might take a more steady part-time job in the meantime? all of that to say: i probably won’t be reading as much in november. i’m currently reading the first book in the spencer cohen series, and not... really loving it, lol, so i might pass on the others.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #205

forget picking song lyrics, i’m going the hell to bed now.

Do you live by yourself? I live with my mom. Do you like cleaning? Does anyone???? Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I've never watched the series; not even a single movie, actually. So I don't have an opinion. Do you watch PewDiePie? Extremely rarely. He's funny, but I'm not interested in his channel's content anymore. Do you like "Despacito?" My sister showed it to me once when she learned I'd never heard it, and I found zero appeal in it whatsoever. Do you play Pokemon Go? It's a brilliant idea, and I really do wish I could play it, but here where I live, there are like ZERO PokeStops (where you get Pokeballs), even in cities, so it's pretty much impossible. Did you ever color your hair pink? No. Do you like Dr. Phil? I don't watch the show and don't know him as a person. Do you prefer to be inside or outside? Inside. Do you eat meat? Sadly. I'm HOPEFULLY quitting when I get to the weight I want; I wasn't getting the nutrients I needed when I was vegetarian to where my body was desperately clinging to what it had or something like that (basically, my weight wouldn't budge in a couple of months), but even still, I don't know if I could do it without depriving myself again. I'm just such a picky eater. Do you need to do the dishes? Yeah. Not desperately, but. Are you scared of clowns? No. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? *checks* A very impressive 66. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes. Do you like McDonald's? Don't even lie to me, you'll eat there. I don't mind it at all. Do you have a Steam account? Yes. Do you like gaming? Not as much as I used to, but yes. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No. I don't consider jumpscares to be genuinely "scary," but rather a natural reaction to surprise, but FNAF's are intense, and I know they'd have me jumping like crazy. That aside, the games aren't of my personal appeal to actually play (though it's a fun game to watch). Do you like horror movies? Yes. Do you like chicken nuggets? I love me my chicken nuggies hunty. Have you ever tried Akinator? Yes. Can you twerk? I don't know and don't care to. Do you like dabbing? It looks stupid to me. The meme of it makes me laugh, though. What was the last country you visited? I've never left the country. Do you know your phone number? No, actually. It is incredibly difficult for me to memorize sequences, and besides, it's not like I give out my number almost ever. Do you swear in front of children? No. What’s your opinion on Brexit? Shit, I don't even remember what it's about. So obviously I can't have an opinion. It doesn't affect me, anyway. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? N/A When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, and you'll never see me willingly eat a bean. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? The two that sharply stand out to me are dissecting an owl pellet in elementary and a frog in middle school. Both were SO cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Excitement. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? Only ever if it's Cinnamon Toast Crunch that I ate. And even then, only sometimes. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? Nothing severe, besides pollen allergies flaring up. What’s your favorite sub-genre of rock? Hard. Who was the last person to get frustrated with you, and why? Mom, but she was more than frustrated. We were having a serious fight about her attitude towards Dad and his wife. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Anti-vax shitlords. What’s your phone background? Lock screen is Darkiplier, home screen is Sara kissing my forehead. :'> Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? A billion cats, dogs, snakes, lizards, rats, gerbils, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, box turtles, hermit crabs... and probably more. How well do you understand economics? Have you ever taken an econ class? Not well at ALL. I had one my senior year. What was the last fruit you ate? I had two bites out of a watermelon 'cuz I was really hungry, but we didn't really have anything as a snack. (I fast daily, so I have to watch when my meals are.) I'm not a big watermelon fan, but I hadn't tried these cubes before, and at least it was something. Can you remember your first day of school? I believe I can very faintly... very faintly. I think I had a complete breakdown because of my insane separation anxiety regarding my mom, or it was the complete opposite... alskdfjaweiajr it's like I can kinda see it in the back of my head, but it's super blurry. What’s your favorite movie? The Lion King. It was my favorite as a kid and became so again as an adult just truly acknowledging how damn good and meaningful it is. Plus the soundtrack was a banger. Would you rather jump out of an airplane or go scuba diving? Scuba diving. Do you get bored looking at other peoples’ holiday pictures? Eh. If it's a whole lot, yes, but as a photographer, I enjoy noting which ones I like and why I favor them. Do you give money to charity? Not currently, no. I have no money to give. When I do have a paying job, I plan on definitely donating any time Mark does a charity stream. Are you more into music or movies? Music, easily. When was the last time you went to a swimming pool? WOW. It's been years. Either when I still lived in the apartment or once at Colleen's in-laws', I can't remember which was last. Would you rather have a pet snake or a pet turtle? I have a snake, and I'll take another for sure. Have you ever seen a band live? Who was the last you saw? Just Alice Cooper. Ma and I are seeing Ozzy next year (if the poor man ain't dead), tho!!!! And he's gonna be with Judas Priest and Megadeth. We are NOT going to survive. Do people who use massive amounts of emoticons annoy you? Yes. Emojis, more specifically. If you're writing a sentence and you use an emoji after each and every goddamn word, it drives me up a wall. What was the last clothing item you bought? Underwear, I believe? Or a bra? What does your washing powder smell like? Idk. Normal? Do you have a dishwasher or do you do dishes by hand? By hand, which I cannot explain how much I loathe. It feels disgusting. Are there any cobwebs in your room? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever used a pick-up line and had it work? Ew, I'd never use one to begin with. Have you ever entered a modelling competition? Would you? No to both. The current modelling industry is so, so harmful. Did you keep any drawings/stories from when you were younger? Like around two years ago, I remember going on a mass destruction episode of those super old things, as they embarrassed me horribly, even though I know it had no real reason. Just everything I create embarrasses me. My mom has old school stuff, though. Who did you last have an argument with? Mom today. When was the last time you cooked for yourself? If you include putting things in the microwave with few steps... not that long ago. Maybe two days back. Do you have a safe? Mom does. When was the last time you saw a relative? Mooonths ago when Grammy and her husband were driving through. My brother and his son are visiting real soon, though!! Do you shout out the answers at quiz shows? Yes, lol. Have you ever been in a TV audience? I've been to like three-four hockey games, so yeah. Have you ever entered the lottery? Won anything? No. Well, Mom or Dad would rarely get those scratch-off tickets at random, but the most we've ever got was just like five bucks or so. Do you prefer crosswords or word searches? Word searches. Have you ever drawn on a wall in your house? No. Do you like making collages? No. Have you ever kept a scrapbook? Yeah. What’s your favorite video-game? Silent Hill 2 and Shadow of the Colossus. Sigh, I want a PS4 SO bad to get the SotC remaster. I actually teared up when I saw the opening cutscene for the first time, and I just marveled through the EEEEEEENNNNtire playthrough I watched. It's unbelievable. Do you remember any inside jokes from childhood? Not off the top of my head. I'm tired, don't make me think. Have you ever made up a word? Well, as a writer, I've made up names and places. A word itself, I don't think so. Do you get nervous speaking to people you don’t know on the phone? VERY!!!!!!!! Are you scared of anything irrational? You mean like, half my fears? Do you have a passport? What’s the picture like? No. Have you ever had a full fringe? (bangs) As a kid I did. Is there anything you would never admit to liking? Don't think so. What’s the weirdest craze you can remember? Fidget spinners. Do you use bug spray or fly swatters? Fly swatters. Then we also have this hanging cylindrical sticky... thing that flies and gnats are apparently attracted to with the smell, I guess. Works like magic, though I agree it's pretty cruel. Just stuck there until you die. Are you a clumsy person? Boy, am I. Do you have tiled floors in your house? In three rooms. Do you listen to any movie soundtracks regularly? No. Do you bruise easily? Way too easily. Like normally something simple won't leave behind an obvious one, but even a normal poke in the arm hurts a lot and leaves the spot sore for a good while. I was tested for anemia, but apparently, I don't have it. What would you love to learn to do? Play the electric guitar. Do you prefer monkeys or lemurs? Ehhh... lemurs as far as cute goes, monkeys overall. Do you watch movies based on the actors or the movie plot? The plot. Do you have any phone charms on your mobile? No. What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? That's a big 'ole honkin' nope. Last time you puked from drinking? Never. Have you ever gotten drunk and danced on a bar? No. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor? Vanilla. Though sometimes I prefer chocolate. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? Only for dinner. I forgot the science behind it, but one of my meds for bipolarity only works to its full effect after ingesting at least 350 calories; I only get about a 20% effectiveness of the medicine when eating less. I know it sounds weird, but my psychiatrist is a goddamn genius, and I trust every word that comes out of his mouth. When was the last time you slept on the floor? Two years ago when I was living with Colleen and I didn't have a blow-up mattress yet. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? When???????????????? do I?????????????? not???????????????????????????????????? Do you wear flip-flops? That's pretty much all I wear just about year-round... I remember in 7th grade, one of my teachers asked me about it a lot and I just told her I didn't mind the cold, which was true. Pretty sure she thought I was lying and was too poor to buy new clothes or something, as she gifted me socks one day, which I thought was incredibly sweet. I miss my 7th grade teachers. Best school year. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Pretty sure my niece Aubree when saying bye. What is your favorite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Normal Prego sauce, I think. Have you ever seen a magic show? A little one as a kid. When was the last time you vomited and why? Months and months ago when I was testing a medication. Quit that shit real fast, as it made me sick so many times. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Uhhh I eat in my bed usually, lmao. We almost never sit at the table. I normally do if Mom's there, though. How often do you get headaches? Ugh, often. Why did you call the last person you called? I was calling back about my job application that I was supposed to hear about yesterday. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Two. Do you have Facebook friends that you’ve never actually met? Yes. When was the last time you had your photo taken professionally? Not since senior pictures, pretty sure. I hated how it came out. I have a lazy eye when I smile, gah. How long does it take you to get to school or work? Currently N/A. Let’s say you had a baby with the last person you kissed? We're both female, so. And neither of us want kids anyway. When was the last time you completely broke down? A couple weeks ago in a totally random and severe panic attack. Do you have someone you can spill your heart out to? Yeah. Is there a person that you would do absolutely anything and everything for? No. I'm not gonna, say, murder someone just because they want me to. What’s something you really want right now? To go and get my tattoo cleaned up by a more professional artist alsdkjfalwei. I got the approximate cost, I just have to wait until I can afford it. This tattoo is so so so important to me and it needs to be perfect. What is your relationship status? Taken. What was the longest time you’ve wasted on a certain person? Not even two weeks lmao. I said yes to dating mostly out of fear of hurting his feelings, and he QUICKLY proved he was NOT for me. Are you listening to music right now? Yeah, my iTunes is on shuffle. Anyone you would like to get things straight with? I wouldn't want to be friends I don't think, but I REALLY want to see Jason one final time to tell him how sorry I am. I recently acknowledged just how fucked up I treated him after the breakup; he wasn't the only one who made mistakes. I sure as hell did. He deserves to hear it badly. I do believe our last talk was a good ending, but I feel me finally admitting that I fucked up would be the perfect one. What was the best thing that happened to you today? Seeing Dad for his birthday. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I talk-talked to some WoW friends a couple days ago, though very very briefly. I couldn't figure Discord push-to-talk out and I ended up panicking lmao. What color are the last new pair of pants that you bought? Black. Is your room clean? I should dust and vacuum, but the latter doesn't currently work. List all the countries you’ve visited.  I've never left America. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Shit, whenever they wanted tbh. So long they sounded serious about it and it wasn't just a brief episode of "oh this would be cool." Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Hm. Wendy's or Sonic. When was the last time you weren’t lonely? Jesus fucking Christ, who knows. What kind of movies do you like? Horror, fantasy, Disney/kids' films, comedies, rom coms, and emotionally moving ones. Bats are not spooky or are they? They're adorable, omg. Do you think blue is a gay color? Fuck off. What's your opinion on gays? Fuck off harder. Do you like the song "Womanizer"? Don't even talk to me if you don't. Where is your favorite place to get fries? You can't live your fullest life without having Bojangle's fries at least once. Do you know anyone who was raised by their grandparents? Idk. Have you ever made your own pie from scratch? No. Who was the last person you had an in-depth conversation with? Sara. What was the last fast food item you ate? A hot dog. What is your favorite gaming console? You know PS2 was the best, you know it. What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh, if that even counts. Do you always have a stock of alcohol in your house? No. Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? I hate everything pumpkin-flavored. Is there an antique store in your town or city? I think so... Have you ever been to a baby shower? My sister's. Maybe others', but idr. Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? Pretty sure yes. How many romantic relationships have you been in so far? Genuinely "romantic" ones, two. Would you consider yourself to be a picky eater? I am 99% sure I am the pickiest human being to ever live. Have you ever lived in a house with a pool in the yard? Not a built-in one. What color is your toothbrush? Blue. Do you have gluten intolerance or know anyone who does? I know a few people. Have you ever slept in a car overnight? No. Have you ever fainted? Yes. Do you avoid conflict as much as possible? YUP. Do you like ice cream cake? I'm not a big fan. Have you ever made out with someone of the same sex? Yes. Where is your second home!? The place I'm second-most comfortable is probably Sara's. What song always makes you sad? I avoid listening to "The Mortician's Daughter" by Black Veil Brides unless I just really, really want to hear it. I always tear up due to memories. Have you ever played a game that required removing your clothes? No. Where is your favorite place to be kissed? Breasts and neck. Were you mean as a little kid? No. Who was the last person you hung out with? Dad. What is your mother’s name? Donna. What is your favorite song at the moment? I've been in true love with a heavy metal cover of "Invincible" from the WoW soundtrack for like a full month. What day will you never forget? The breakup night. Suicide attempt. My niece and nephew being born. Meeting Sara. Getting Teddy. First time hanging out at Jason's. 16th birthday. Alice Cooper concert. Putting Dale and Cali down. There's a lot. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Some crazy shit on FB to show Sara. Something you're looking forward to? Getting a goddamn job. What is God teaching you right now? Lul. What does Notre Dame Cathedral mean to you, and how has its fire affected you? I was devastated to hear about it; it was the one event that actually got me paying attention to the news. It is a monument of incredible art and history, and for Catholics, a house of their god. I am so thankful the damage wasn't too tremendous. What’s the last dumb decision you made that you beat yourself up over? I dunno. Surprisingly. What’s your favorite version of the Bible to read? N/A If applicable, do you underline verses in your Bible? N/A When was the last time you went to church? Not since Colleen had her extreme Christian phase two years ago. What’s the last song you listened to on repeat? "Radio" by Rammstein. That new album's gonna be bangin'. Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? NOPE. It sure does not. I have no issue with the psychiatric care unit there, though. Every time I went to the ER for suicidal thoughts or the attempt, they were sweethearts to me. But as far as physical health, they do NOT have a good rep. I know someone's grandfather that nearly fucking died thanks to them, and I can't recall what it was exactly, but Mom had some complaints during her kidney cancer treatment. What is your hometown known for? Crime. Are you longing for and missing a toxic person? I honestly miss Colleen sometimes, but I can't go back to her. I can't. I'm done giving her more chances than she deserves. It was nice to actually have someone to hang out with, but she is just overall not a pleasant person. What’s your greatest longing? Financial stability, probably. Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, “this isn’t true”? BOY HOWDY- What are you behind on? Being an adult. I am 23 and a SOOOOOORRYYYYYY excuse for one. Is there someone who’s stolen from you and never got caught? Yes. Someone stole our basketball hoop from my childhood home. Have you been lonely for most of your life? Most of my life, no. What color is your sleeping bag? I don’t have one. When was the last time you used a sleeping bag, and what for? When I lived with Colleen and slept on the floor for a bit. Do you live near the woods? Yeah, there's woods across the road. What do you want to be for Halloween this year? List 1-3 ideas. I wanna be the dumb blonde witch from Hocus Pocus, lmao. A pastel vampire would be pretty cool. And Rhett from the "Sleep Tight" video has instilled in me the great desire to be a steampunk toothfairy at least once. List five things people have been jealous of you for. Idk. List five things you have felt jealous of other people for. More than anyone, a friend of many friends' photography success when I can genuinely and modestly say I really think I'm better than her. That is easily the worst envy situation I've dealt with (and still do), as this is the one that is actually almost spiteful, wrong as that is. Then I have another friend who is a FANTASTIC photographer as well and is now a professional one in the fashion industry, I believe. Then there was a girl I went to school with called Cailin whose drawing skills were naturally INCREDIBLE since elementary school, and I remember back then, me and her would always get the most attention for our work, but she did moreso, but I wanted to be the "best" artist. Once I hit high school I just had great respect for her talent. Next, one of my former best friends Hannia was a natural GENIUS that got perfect scores on LITERALLY almost anything; she had the highest GPA in the entire school, while I was right behind her. And uhhhh five... I have been and still am jealous of my sisters for being proper, successful adults. What is your favorite shade of brown? Like a caramel tone, I guess? What color is your toilet seat? White. Would you rather live in an apartment or a house? Definitely a house. What’s one thing you had growing up that you miss now? Energy. Do you prefer kale, lettuce, or spinach? Lettuce. Do you listen to instrumental bands such as Hammock, Trentemoller, etc.? No. Have you ever gotten a manicure or pedicure? Just because my sisters went and Mom wanted me to hang out with them. I may have with my old friend, too. Have you ever self-harmed? Yeah. Never the answer. Do you have any eating disorders? No. I'm afraid of developing one once I (hopefully) get to the weight I want, though. Have you ever met a celebrity? No. Do you like Monster Energy or do you prefer other energy drinks? I hate energy drinks. They taste like poison. Do you plan on getting married? Yeah. Do you want kids? That's a big fat nope. What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t judge. Bisexual. At what time of day do you normally feel the best? The morning. Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. YOU. CAN. GET. BETTER. Seek professional help if you feel suicidal, and after what I understand is a serious struggle, you truly can go into the light at the end of the tunnel. You've got, to our understanding, one shot at this. Don't end it when there is a possibility for a beautiful future. If you’re unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? Have a job and be in school. Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. My mom. Are you friends with any cancer survivors? I don't think so. Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? Hm. Sunset, maybe. Idk. Name a country whose history you know nothing about. Lmao most. What is your favorite store at the mall? Hot Topic. Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? I have a bed. When was the last time you went for a run? Shit, not since high school gym. Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? No. What did you win a scholarship for? Nowhere. What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? Flies. Do you put off things until the last minute? I tend to. Is your mom the same size as you? No, I'm smaller. Do you know any Christians who aren’t judgmental? No shit. Do you still think of that Gwen Stefani song when you spell bananas? Ha ha yup. Do you like the way your hair naturally is, or do you change it? It's fine. But I want it dyed badly. Do you know anyone who died accidentally by doing something stupid? Yes. How many different languages have you taken in school? Latin and German. How tall is your father? (Estimate?) Idk. Over six feet. Would you meet Miley Cyrus if you had the chance? No. What is your favorite slow song? Oh yeesh. Idk. Maybe "See You On The Other Side" by Ozzy. Do you believe in karma? No. Do you constantly check your cell phone? No. Only Sara or Mom ever text me, and I pick it up just if the green light is blinking (means I have a message). If there were aliens on earth, would you be afraid? Well yeah. If you could spend 1 hour 20 years in the future, would you? Yes. I want to see where I am, so long as I can change my behavior to improve that future if needed. Otherwise, I don't wanna know. Are your pets asleep? Teddy probably is, Bentley might be, idk where Roman is, but he likely is, I can't see Mitsu from where I am currently, Venus may be (no eyelids, so you never know) as she's in her rock, and Kaiju is awake. Have you ever wished you were an only child? Never. Have you ever hurt someone on purpose? Yes. Have you ever gotten hurt while sledding? No. Do you enjoy going through old pictures? It depends on the subject of them and my mental state. Kid pictures I'm always up for, high school ones are okay, though they can make me really upset with how healthy and skinny I was, and I deleted all photos I had on Facebook of Jason and me last year so I couldn't even risk looking at them ever again, as there's a good chance some would trigger my PTSD. Of all your exes, who do you think you had the deepest feelings for? Jason, obviously. Do you tend to have a lot of drama in your life? I have the most uneventful, bland life. No. When’s the last time someone was disappointed in you? Idk. What song are you listening to right now? Is this one of your favorite songs? "Alone I Break" by Korn. No, but I love it. What is something you have to explain a lot? My sweating issue. Gross to talk about, but I sweat seriously excessively, like you would not believe. It can be 70 degrees and I'll be sweating in seconds. People worry about it, and in VR, I've had to explain it so many times due to it affecting suitable jobs (I think we can all agree being drenched in sweat at work looks extremely bad). Hopefully I won't have to anymore when my doctor decides what to do about it. It's most likely a thyroid issue, which I have no clue about how to subdue symptoms of. There's really a shitload I have to explain lately between doctors and VR... Which compliment do you receive the most? From those that know me/see me, that I'm losing weight. From people in general, "I love your hair" or something like that. Who were you last on the phone with? My sister. What is one thing you have always wondered? Uh. Idk. I'm sure there's a lot, just nothing's coming to me atm... What do your friends think about the music you listen to? Your family? My friends and I like similar stuff, as do my parents, especially Mom. My sisters are the total opposite of me and don't enjoy metal and the like at all. Has anyone ever told you to grow up? Essentially. Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people? Hell no. How many true friends do you have? Excluding family and my girlfriend as they're more than that, like... one or two, it feels like most of the time. Can you honestly say you’re happy right now? No. What is something you are exceptionally bad at? Doing math in my head or spelling up there. AND READING LIPS. Do you have a house phone? No. Who do you love more than anyone right now? Don't make me choose between Mom and Sara. How much money do you have saved up? I literally have $11. Do you like bright/neon colors? Yes, but I prefer pastel. What is your favorite wild animal? Meerkats. Do you ever eat breakfast? I almost always do. Do you remember who your first grade teacher was? Yes. Have you ever won any trophies? What for? Yeah, for A honor roll all through elementary school (save for 5th grade; I got one B and was so upset, lmao), then in all kid sports I played, everyone got lil ones, some from dance I believe, and I think there's one or two others I'm not thinking of...

[catmeme-moved]

all of the asks! >:3

god ok 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

😏

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

its only 4 babey

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober...ive never been drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16

7. What does your last received text say?

“jgdijgjfdivjdjdj me“

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in the parkinglot behind my dorm building

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffey

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

god i wouldnt have spent so much money

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

none at all ;3c

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i hope so!!!

20. Does anyone like you?

god i sure hope my gf does

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nop

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!

25. In the past week have you cried?

i mean probably i dont remember though

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

a pug...i saw him in a donut shop

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

i dry off as im stepping out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no bc jocks intimidate me

29. Do you think you’re old?

not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !

30. Do you like text messaging?

ya

31. What type of day are you having?

its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold..

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex�� since sex is also on a spectrum like gender

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i thnik im fairly simple..idk

37. What song are you listening to?

when he died by lemon demon

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?

men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?

its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

i dont hate anyone!

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust

53. Do you like rain?

yes!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time 56. Do you like to cuddle?

god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?

its the social anxiety 58. Do you get along with girls?

i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

we r dating !! 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and my peper spray 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

id do it for 10 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 ! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yes! 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? ��  

i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?    

i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?

plain white...f    75. Are you 16 or older?    

bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?    

yes i work in a library !  78. What are your initials?    

ylb79. Did you ever have braces?    

no :^/80. Are you from the south?    

nope im a pnw bitch

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   

i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?    

no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   

flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?    

god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

not yet93. …Had sex in a car?    

no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

 i hate wearing shorts

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #42

“i don’t ask much, i just want you.”

have you ever been to the white house?   no, i haven't. what are your plans for tomorrow?   not shit.  like always.  maybe be able to adopt my snake. do you have a debit card?   no why did you stop working at the last place you were employed?   i kept having anxiety attacks that induced vomiting. have you ever made out with a complete stranger?   no...? what would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child?   probably kill myself. are you very close to your siblings?   no would you kiss the last person you kissed again?   i'd love to. what bugged you about the last person you dated?   well i know now that he's not very understanding.  but he tried to be. have you ever slapped someone, why?   i hit my sister when i was little.  don't remember why. have you ever had sex with someone the same night you met them?   no, because i'm not a whore. if you could fly or breathe underwater, what would you choose?   the latter, i think. is your life the same as it was a year ago?   exactly the fucking same. are you in love with someone?   should be obvious enough. what is your relationship status? are you happy with that?   single, and no.  i'm lonely as fuck. have you ever thought you could do a better job at being president?   hell no. when people smoke around you, does it make you cough?   sometimes.  it'll always give me a headache. would you rather name your child michelle or monica?   michelle do you know anyone who works at mcdonald’s?   no have you ever felt like you lost a part of yourself?   i KNOW i fucking have.  when jason left, it was like the majority of me fucked off. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair?   no. when you younger and misbehaved, what did your parents threaten you with?   mom would threaten to spank me or take away computer privileges do you think it’s weird how babies are made?   i mean yeah, i guess, but it is what it is. how would you react if your last ex wanted to get back together?   i would just... fuck, man.  i'd be so damn happy. are you comfortable in a short skirt?   fuck no. do you and your family go on a vacation every year?   no.  we never do. when you were going out with your last ex and you had the chance to date your celebrity crush, would you have left your bf/gf for them?   absolutely not.  i don't care who my celeb crush is, no one lights a candle to jason. does your dad swear?   yeah if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say?   absofuckinglutely!!! do you think braces are sexy?   does anybody, really?  it's just something you tolerate.  i don't think anyone's "sexy quotient" is affected by whether or not she/he wears braces. do you know anyone that is gothic?   i'd love to be a goth if i could afford the wardrobe. how many coats of mascara do you use?   like two what were you almost named?   kathryn does your family hire someone to do your chores for you?   no do you know how to use photoshop?   very vaguely how about sony vegas?   yeah what is the main reason you want to have children when you grow up?   idk, i just... do?  when i was with jason, i wanted children because i loved him so much and thus human instinct would have it i wanted his kids, but now that i'm with nobody idk, i just want kids one day.  i guess. what do you struggle with?  depression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolarity, no job, no money...  i struggle with everything. are you self conscious?  VERY what is the name on your birth certificate (feel free to withhold your last name for privacy reasons)?   brittany marie is all you need to know. what day did you take your first breath?   february 5th, 1996 what are the names of the lovely individuals that brought you into this world?   donna and ken. the stereotyped image of a girl LOVES to shop. does this hold true to you?   i like to shop only if it's for myself.  i know that sounds greedy, but i just like... don't get the pleasure sensation otherwise. even if shopping isn’t your favorite... every girl has a favorite store. what’s yours?   hottopic which type of undies do you wear most: Thongs, bikini/briefs, bootyshorts, or granny panties?   if i wear underwear, bikini. describe your style for me, using minimal words?   comfortable do you have a walk in closet? do you even have a closet it all?   no, yes. tampons or pads? why?   tampons, because i don't like feeling like wearing a bloody diaper. do you ever pamper yourself? what do you do?   no, because i'm fucking poor. do you like surprises?   no.  i get scared of what it is. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?   none. when is the last time you watched a hockey game?   yearrrrssss ago. ever been paid for sex or a sexual favor?   nope. have you ever been to a strip club?  no, and i never will. do you listen to a variety of music, or do you tend to stick to one genre?   i stick to a genre.  metal. when you’re going to be at home all day, do you bother to get out of your pajamas?   no.  which is like every day. do you play angry birds?   no.  i just recently saw the movie tho and it was super cute. what do you have pierced on you?   ears, nose. what’s important about april?   my little sister's birthday is there anyone who hates you?   probably if I say “psycho”, who is the first person that comes to your mind?   me dated someone more than once?   no where did you get the last shirt you were wearing?   hottopic does your mom know your deepest darkest secrets?   no. are you scared of needles?   nah, not really. do you know what an ‘amv’ is?   yeah, i make them sometimes. how many songs are on your ipod/mp3 player?   over 1,000 are there any orange clocks in your house?   no do mice freak you out?  not at all. how many formal dances did you or have you gone to in high school?   i went to two proms. is there a certain movie you always cry at when you watch it?   yeah, "the notebook" tears me up everytime. are any of your siblings married?  yeah do you like kiwi?   hell yes. ever go ghost hunting?   no when it’s time to dress up for a special occasion, are you more likely to wear a dress, a skirt, or dress pants?   dress if you eat oatmeal, do you add water or milk to it? what is your favorite flavor?   milk, bc i dislike its flavor when i add water.  my fave's apples and cinnamon. if you could only own a hair dryer, curling iron, or straightener, which one would you choose?   straightener if you’re straight, have you ever thought about kissing the same sex? if you’re gay, have you ever thought about kissing the opposite sex?   no. your last relationship, who dumped who?   he dumped me. do you believe in love at first sight? explain.   no, because even thinking it's possible to look at someone and love them is ignorant as fuck. do you keep a planner?   no, because i don't need one.  i don't do anything significant, ever. do you want kids anytime soon?   no. are you excited for next year?   not really.  new years doesn't mean anything.  what occurs in time isn't affected by one year suddenly ending and changing into another.  2017 will be just as bad as 2016, probably. do you know any german words?   i took four classes of it, i know plenty. do you say any words that are pretty specific to your area?   no have you ever smoked?   nope can you make yourself cry?  no. have you ever held a starfish?   i don't think so. would you rather live in hawaii or alaska?   alaska could you use a haircut?   totally what do you put on your scrapes or cuts?   usually, nothing.  sometimes a band-aid. do you like cheez-its or cheese nips better?   cheez-its by a long shot. have you ever held a snake?   yes.  i hope to again very soon<3 do you know anyone from canada?   yeah, jacob's ex.  nice girl. has a wild animal ever been loose in your house?   mice are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound?   naw, shit's cool. have you ever met an alaskan?   only online.  my friend mikaela's alaskan. did you ever play spyro?   lmao.  i'd STILL be playing it if i had my ps2. have you ever had a near death experience?   car wreck, yeah. do you think some babies are ugly?   some definitely are. do you love stuff crusted pizza?   no, actually. do you apply lotion after you bathe?   no, but i REALLY should. has a youtube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views?  nah son. would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone?   ha ha, i already do. do gangs scare you?   of course they do.  the bloods tried to break into our house once when ashley was home alone with maddie. what do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public?   i don't care how big your boobs are, if your breasts are developed, wear a bra, please.  it's only to be decent. does your best friend wear makeup?   she rarely does. do you prefer to fix the problems or just end the relationship?   be a fucking adult and fix the damn problems. would you rather have donuts or donut holes?   donuts do you still watch movies on vhs?   no, mom got rid of ours have you used a ouija board and had a freaky experience with it?   no, never used one. what’s one health problem you wish you didn’t have?   get rid of my depression.  god, please. what “group” did you belong to in high school?   everyone considered me an emo.  guess i was and still am one, i'm so ridiculously emotional. what is the best thing you have done in your life?   dated jason. what is your favorite animal? list three adjectives to explain your choice.   meerkats, as they're very social, ridiculously bold, and curious. what was your nickname growing up?   twinkie if you could be anything in the world, what would you be and why?   a meerkat biologist, because i love meerkats so much and they make me happy. have you ever had feelings for 2 people at the same time?   nope. if you found someone seemingly perfect for you, but it turned out they had a child… would you still give the relationship a chance?   at my age, no. if your best friend of the opposite sex tried to kiss you, would you start kissing them back?  probably not, honestly. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated?   yep do you think the next person you kiss will be a better kisser than the last person you kissed?   HA.  i HIGHLY doubt that.