#maybe the dopamine will get me further into it this time

[alexanderwales]

@queenlua

(this is sort of a tangent so feel free to ignore me ENTIRELY but: who exactly is the audience for litRPG stuff? my first time hearing of it was at a sf/f writer's workshop, and when it was described to me i was like "wouldn't these people simply read webfiction" but then i was informed of The Sales Numbers Around LitRPG People I Had Never Heard Of and was like What The Hell, but i was clearly the only Extremely Online person in the room so figured i wouldn't get any further context from present company lol)

For some reason I thought I had answered this, and maybe I did somewhere and can't find it, so sorry if this is a restatement of something you've already read, but ...

There are a few fundamental fantasies being fulfilled by the modern litRPG.

First, there's the power fantasy, the idea that you can have control and be agenty and make decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with power fantasy per se, and I expect that the desire for power fantasy will grow when people feel more and more powerless. litRPG does not offer anything much different from e.g. superhero stories, at least as far as power fantasy goes.

Second, there's the progression. This is part of the power fantasy, the getting stronger over time angle, powering up, getting better. litRPG promises that, it's in the nature of the RPG elements, and fundamental to the appeal. This is something that e.g. superhero stories usually don't have. (There is a whole genre, progression fantasy, that focuses on this, and litRPGs are usually a subset of that depending on who you ask.)

Third, the litRPG offers legibility. It is clear what the powers are, what they do, what choices are to be made. Everything is clearly laid out and easy to conceptualize, at least most of the time. And because this is the case, it's good as a platform for the imagination, especially for analytical readers. It's something for people to daydream about, argue over, etc. Legibility is super important, IMO, or at least the appearance of legibility, the illusion that the author has a Concrete Plan with Hard Numbers. Armchair psychoanalysis is that a desire for this relates to a lack of legibility (and by proxy "fairness") in real life.

Fourth, the litRPG naturally speaks the language of videogames, and a lot of the readers are super into videogames, so there's some element of "thing that I like" in there which I don't think can actually add to any analysis, but also some of the things that people like about video games are power fantasy, progression, and legibility, so ...

There's also a lot of overlap between webfic and litRPG. I don't know that I'd say it's the most popular form of webfic right now, but ... probably it is? The overall market is young men for both. [Edit: I should probably clarify that I don't know what the hell goes on over at Wattpad. AO3 is also webfic, but that's fanfic, and female dominated last I checked. I'm talking more RoyalRoad, SB/SV, QQ, etc. I am not a market expert, terms and conditions may apply.]

Here are some other reasons I've heard from people when I've asked:

it's hard to screw up, so you're guaranteed a quality baseline

the writing is often simple popcorn that's easy to digest

the writing is often bad in a way that makes it less predictable

there's often no romance or introspection

the numbers are going up, and I like that consistent dopamine drip feed

the characters are simple

the main character is just like me

I think some of these are just wild to think about, and others are not really about the genre, just the kinds of people who write within it and the stories that make up the bulk of what people are reading.

LitRPG where the protagonist's game system is very clearly from a game with a 20-minute day-night cycle, and whose gamification of hunger, thirst, and sleep just wreaks havoc on his personal and professional life.

Just kidding, litRPG protagonists don't have personal or professional lives.

[softness-and-shattering]

I am now invested enough in the witcher (show) that im worried it wont carry to a satisfying conclusion, particularly given the whole streaming situation.  I suppose I should give the books another try. Is the series finished? 

[housecow]

i have knee problems stemming from an injury when i was younger. if i step wrong and fall in a certain way, the pain is so bad i can’t walk. but sometimes i like to fantasize: what if something even worse happens and i can’t walk for weeks? what if i happen to be in regular close contact with my feeder?

it’d be hard being told i have rest and let myself heal. there are plans coming up that have to be cancelled, the few active hobbies i have left take a hit. but…it’s so easy to accept every snack brought to me. after all, i sought out a feeder—this lifestyle is the one i’ve eaten myself towards. and he knows i have an inclination towards eating too much. that first week goes easier than it should; weight starts to pile on. but i miss going out, even running errands sounds nice. in the few moments my hands are absent of food or a shake i am regularly in contact with my friends.

the next week i’m better but… i feel slow. my feeder has started to keep people away because i need to rest and he’s right, healing is taxing on the body. i start responding less to others, too. our funnel has gotten so much more use in the last few days. the sugar and constant snacks step up and i can tell there is an agenda behind it all but *god* it feels good to be doted on. he helps me through the necessary exercises but trips across the house are rare. i notice how difficult it is to lift myself up now—how sedentary have i been?

that question doesn’t cross my mind again, there are better things to focus on. my feeder knows how to use my adhd to his advantage—food, sex, TV, and games all provide the dopamine hit needed to keep me distracted. the 3rd week is similar enough to the 2nd: ritualistic feeding becomes the norm. we don’t need a valve to control the flow on the funnel anymore, he knows i can finish everything. my belly is swollen out into my lap all of the time now, if i hold my boobs aside i can see new stretch marks creeping across my expanding hips. i expect the snacks, “babe, can you grab me something from the fridge?” is a phrase heard several times in the day. and my feeder obliges.

the 4th week we have an appointment and im told i should walk and start being active again. the doctor looks nervous though and tells me i need to watch my weight, he says something like “its alarming how quickly this happened,” but i blocked it out because—i can’t even see how much i weigh? my belly blocks the view now. oh my god.

in the car afterwards my feeder expresses doubt at the situation: “you don’t look so steady on your feet, i think you should still take it easy.” his eyes meet mine and i don’t miss the brief glance away, desire obvious at the sight of my rounded figure that’s entirely his fault. i know what he wants and i can’t deny myself that want, either. and he knows better in these situations, i trust his judgement. maybe it is best to stay in. plans can be pushed further back… the walk back to the car was a little difficult, too.

the next weeks—or does it span months?—pass in a blur. staying in is all i want to do. although i’m supposedly healthy again, i rarely get up and walk around more than needed. “needed” means a slow, clumsy walk to the fridge and back to either the couch or the bed. when my feeder is not there to feed me himself he takes time to order food to the door. bending down to pick things up is a monumental effort for me—a heavy, wide belly pressing into my fattened thighs. my swollen tits obscure my vision but serve as an excellent table when i need.

my feeder comes home one day and im asleep, taking up more than my fair share of the couch. my breaths are not easy and its obvious how much i ate beforehand: mostly-empty 2 liters, takeout containers haphazardly stacked on top of one another as they were finished, countless snack packages balled up and stuck between the couch cushions because sometimes i like to squirrel stuff away. as if there was a chance of hiding these habits my feeder built.

but the best part of it all is the empty pitcher sat against the corner of the couch, because i couldn’t reach to the coffee table to properly set it down with so much fat making every movement difficult.

the remnants a weight gain shake. our usual ingredients of cake mix, melted ice cream, strawberries, chocolate syrup, nutella, crushed oreos. it was hastily made, however, and it’s obvious by the chocolatey powder on the sides of the container that it was about the calories this time, not the taste. he can see where some escaped the pitcher and poured down my overly plump, round face and past the lovingly cultivated double chin. it dripped onto my breasts, lovely puddles of calories he wish made it inside of me even if the sight is wonderful. after that thought, an idea comes up. how deep are the rolls he’s gifted me? a cow this size needs to be used.

[theorphicangel]

#1 “you can stay as long as you want.” | miguel x reader

the boyfriend series with miguel o’hara. | series of fluff, angst and smut with bf! miguel.

cw: none, fluffy.

“I still don’t understand how, for the entire movie, he doesn’t catch on that she’s the killer?”

“I know right, it’s stupid.” Miguel hums a a re-run of a classic slasher movie played on the television in front of you.

It was a late Friday night, the both of you were too exhausted from the past week of work to head out for a proper date. So instead you and Miguel settled for a movie marathon at his apartment.

Empty boxes of your favorite takeaway lay disheveled on his coffee table in front of the couch, your stomach fully satisfied with the meal. It doesn’t take much to get your dopamine running, you think. Him and food was all you needed to get yourself happy.

“I think if this shit played out in real life, me and you would have caught onto her in no time.” You note, as the killer on the screen preys onto their next victim.

“Oh, one hundred percent, we’re a dream team.” Miguel stretches out his exhausted limbs, a silent yawn following from his mouth. And as he does so, an arm magically ends up around your shoulder, pulling you in closer to his body.

“Wow. Smooth O’hara, real smooth.”

He smirks. “I try my best, mi amor.”

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence as the movie plays on. Having watched the movie before, you know what’s to come as the rest of the film comes as a total cliche. You can’t help but let your mind wander. Simultaneously, your hands become restless, fingertips fiddling with each other.

“I should head home soon.” You announce, keeping your eyes on the screen ahead.

Miguel hums, his fingertips tracing circles on your arms ever so gently.

You should head home but you don’t really want to. The thought of getting up from this couch is a headache in itself and the thought of driving home at the hour with traffic and dealing with god-awful drivers makes you want to bury yourself into the earth. You really don’t want to head home, but you probably should.

Through the shadow of your expression, Miguel can read the exhaustion on your face. As well as you, he really doesn’t want you to leave. Not when the two of you are so comfortable like this.

“Hey.” Miguel whispers, causing you to turn your head to look at him. “You can stay as long as you want.” He says. “You know that right?”

Your heart swells immediately at his words, a spark of love set off in your body like a sudden firework.

“I know.” You smile before continuing. “But I probably shouldn’t, I have tons of work to catch up and briefs and—”

“But I want you to.”

Miguel doesn’t mean interrupt your work ethic but for the past week he’s been yearning to see you. It’s hard enough that you both have busy lifestyles, meaning that finding time to see each other is rare. Not to mention how far you live away from him. It’s moments like this, when you have to leave, that Miguel just wants to be totally selfish.

So that’s what he’s doing. Being selfish for once.

“If you’re sure.” you confirm.

“I’m always sure.”

You snort to yourself at his comment. “Then why’d you take fifteen minutes deciding what to order earlier?” You nudge your elbow into his side gently, teasing him further.

Miguel rolls his eyes, now more at ease to wrap his large arms around you. “You’re a little alborotadora, aren’t you?” [troublemaker]

“Maybe.” You respond with a playful tone, adding a kiss on his cheek. Your hand moves up to cup his cheek. The action is soft and tender, as if he were the most delicate thing in the world. And you knew he was, especially when he let you into the most intricate parts of his soul. Something that he rarely gave people permission to do.

“Okay,” you murmur. “I’ll stay.”

reblogs are much appreciated! thank you for reading and thank you for being here!

[turtletaubwrites]

Zoro x GN!Swordsman!Reader (with a powerful/unique sword)

Thank you anon for this request! I'm still getting the hang of headcanons, so I hope you enjoy these! (Also ty to my partner because he loves Zoro and swords, and wanted to share a couple thoughts) 💚

Summary: Headcanons and drabble for Zoro with a partner that is a strong swordsman with a powerful and unique sword

Word Count: 544

Rating/Warnings: SFW, GN!Reader, Fluff, (Maybe some Angst if you squint), Swearing, Kissing, Mildly Suggestive, Implied/Brief Descriptions of Violence

A/N: Imagine Zoro nerding out with someone who shares his biggest only interest. And then they kiss 🥰 I need to see it

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 | ko-fi |

Headcanons

Sparring!! Oh hot damn, the sparring is so good! The playful competition between you both makes you push yourselves even further. 

That heat can lead straight to the bedroom. Or really wherever you happen to be sparring, if you’re comfortable. Hearts racing, adrenaline filling your veins. He loves the way you challenge him. He loves the way you taste after your blades have met.

There may need to be boundaries set, especially depending on your goal. If it’s also your goal to become the world’s greatest swordsman, it may lead to more exciting and playful banter, sparring, etc. But it may lead to issues when it comes to decisions, i.e. which one of you will challenge the most powerful swordsmen in battles. (Or the inevitable circumstance of one of you truly beating the other.) It could be a playful rivalry, it could go sour, or it could be a mix of both that you’ll have to work through together.

Since you happen to possess a very powerful sword with unique abilities, Zoro will never stop suggesting you let him give it a try. It’ll come up in so many conversations, and he’ll try to convince you to give it up in a bet. You never do. 

You might occasionally use the three sword/overcompensating jokes, but only if he was really being a little shit. He'd make you pay for it though.

Oh the cute sword care moments!! It’s like a mini vacation, you both hide from the rest of the crew and silently take care of your blades. Your deep breaths match up as you run your fingers along the cool metal. 

“Hey, babe. Want me to take care of that one for ya?” “You’re not touching my sword, Zoro.”

Endless competitions. Some are breathed against your ear in a husky tease as you’re about to fight a hard battle. Some are yelled over the heads of your crewmates as a slew of enemies come charging forward.

“Bet you can’t kill that guy, faster than I get those three over there.” “Oh, fuck you, babe. I’ll get these five before you shut your stupid mouth.” “Wanna bet your sword on it?”

Drabble

“So, how many did ya get,” Zoro teased, coming up behind you to wrap his sweaty arms around your waist.

The battle had barely ended, and your breathing was still ragged, but you managed to sigh.

“I didn’t agree to that bet, babe.”

“I got twelve. No way you got more than that.”

“Wow, you’re really bragging with that number,” you laughed, turning in his arms to see his eyes narrow. 

He sucked his teeth, touching his forehead to yours before his voice came out low and dangerous.

“How many?”

“You’re not getting my sword.”

He kissed you then, pressing his body against yours. You melted into him, the heat of the battle still flowing through you. Your fingers felt almost tingly as you wrapped them around his neck. 

Breaking apart just enough to catch your breath, you saw that little twitch at the corner of his lips.

“How–”

“You’re never touching it, asshole,” you teased, rolling your eyes as you walked away. You grinned at the sound of him huffing behind you. 

“FINE, no sword! Just tell me how many you got!”

Likes and reblogs bring me much ✨dopamine✨ thank you so much!

a/n: I love this request so much! Zoro is such a fucking nerd. He'd have the best fucking time sparring with his partner 💚

| masterlist | about me | rules | ao3 | ko-fi |

[squishi-bunni]

Sean Diaz x Reader Oneshot:

Reader has a crush on a Mexican character pt. 2

The long-awaited part 2 to this oneshot! Sorry for the wait Read Pt. 1

You text Sean that you’ve arrived at his front door. You fiddle with your fingers as your heart feels like it’s going to eject itself from your body. You try to breathe slowly to calm yourself down. ‘This isn’t serious; this is just a stupid joke and you’re not going to let him get the better of you,’ you think to yourself.

You finally hear the thumping of Sean’s footsteps as he approaches the door.

He swings the door open. He’s blushing, but he tries to recenter himself and keep his cool. “Oh, so you’re really taking me up on that offer, huh?”

You cross your arms. “Mhm! I’m not one to chicken out.”

Sean chuckles. “Seriously though, Y/n, you don’t have to prove anything,” he blushes, “you don’t have to… um…”

“I don’t have to what? ‘Take you as mine?’”

His face becomes even redder. ‘Oh God why in the world did I say that. Am I stupid?’ he thinks.

You smirk. “Serves you right to be flustered after embarrassing me at lunch.” You push past him and head into his house, flopping down on his couch.

Sean chuckles. “Well, if Mexican boys really weren’t your type, why were you so nervous to show me your fictional crush but so eager to show Lyla. That’s not like you.” He sits down next to you, smirking.

“Well… uh…” shit. How the hell were you supposed to respond to that?

Maybe he’ll back off if you push it further and embarrass him more? Playing a game of “who get’s flustered first” is not ideal but it seems to be your only option unless you wan’t to confess that you have feelings for him (not happening).

“Okay,” you breathe, “Maybe Mexican boys are my type.”

He’s taken aback. “What?”

You stand your ground. “You heard me.” You look at him right in the eyes.

He scoots closer to you.

“So…” he pauses, “Am… Am I your type?”

Shit. Fuck. Shitshitshitwhatthef-

“Yeah.” wait. Oh my God did I just say that. Why did I say that WHYDIDISAY-

His face gets closer to yours. Neither of you break eye contact.

Your feel your blood pumping in your ears. Your face feels so hot that you swear it’s glowing like molten iron.

“Well, you’re my type too…”

You don’t breathe. You don’t say a word. 

It takes you a solid 5 seconds to process what he means, and then your eyes go wide.

“Y/n?” you quickly glance down at his hands—they’re shaking.

“What are you gonna do about it then?” you say, almost a whisper.

“Wh-what?”

“I said, what are you gonna do about it, then?”

Sean’s face looks as red as yours feels. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. His face gets closer to yours, teasingly close. His fingers graze your cheeks and he stares at your lips.

“This, if that’s okay?”

If you open your mouth, you’re afraid only stutters will spill out, so you only manage a slight nod.

Finally, Sean closes the gap and kisses you. You close your eyes and sigh, and all the tension floats away from your body.

His lips are plush and soft, and he tastes like smoke and berries. He rests one hand on the small of your back, pulling you closer, the other gently cupping your cheek. You fill with butterflies at how tenderly he touches you. He sighs when you slowly start to run your fingers through his hair.

After what feels like a million years and a millisecond at the same time, you both pull away. You both stare at each other, breathless.

“I… I was embarrassed because I like you,” you say, breaking the silence, “and have liked you… for a very long time…”

Sean chuckles. “I like you too… and have for a very long time…” He presses his forehead against yours.

You snort. “Wow, we’re a little stupid, huh?”

Sean buries his head in your shoulder, laughing at your bluntness. “Yeah… Yeah we are.”

You two stay like that for a bit, hearts beating fast, giddy from a dopamine high.

“You should kiss me again,” you whisper. Sean chuckles and looks at you with those big, beautiful brown eyes again.

“I really should…” He gently cups your face and touches his lips to yours again. The both of you sink into the couch, enjoying the long-awaited breakthrough in your relationship.

[warmaidensrevenge]

It's not a never.

Pairings: Eddie x fem!best friend Plus size reader

A/N: Happy Sunday loves. Here I present the final part in this series. It's a bit steamy if you ask me. So ready your naughty bits. As always thanks for reading. Please feel free to share and comment your thoughts. It really gives me a boost of dopamine that I crave. So anything is awesome. Kay love ya. Byyyyyeeee.

I do not give permission for my work to be posted anywhere else. Please respect all creators. Also, all pictures and songs are from a Google search and found on Spotify. A huge thank you and credit to the original posters and artists.

Word count: 3,824

Warnings: 18+ No minors please. Angst, language, sexual implications, sexual situations, p&v, oral (both receiving), unprotected sex and mentions of alcohol use. Not proof read

Part 4: Right now

Summary: Time goes by. But feelings still remain.

The farewell was in fact unbearable. It hurt Eddie like hell. But what hurt the most was a year after. College life became hectic for you. Which caused letters and phone calls to lessen. 

Then the guys got a big break. It was a small record label with very little rapport. But it was one he had a good feeling about. They made a deal for one full album and a few shows to promote it. 

It was a very busy year that turned into two. Then three.

Before any of them knew it, they were playing sold out shows. 

Things were working out. His dreams were coming true. But he never forgot about that girl with the sweet little smile. Though it has been some time since he saw it. He was fortunate enough to see it again one summer night in that third year.

The band was performing at one of their favorite places one hot night. They loved it because it was on a rooftop. Where they could see most of the city.

Tonight though, Eddie could only focus on the pretty girl with the small smile he almost forgot if it weren't for the prom picture he kept in his wallet.

The second the set was over, he jumped off the stage and ran to you. Obviously dodging the groupies and fans asking for autographs.

You yelped when he embraced you. Surprised when he picked you up a little.

“ Oh shit! I can't believe this!” He said when he planted you back down. 

You giggled. “Hi Eddie.”

He leaned back a little and grinned like crazy. “ When did-” He was cut off by the rest of his buddies.

He took a few steps back to let everyone have their turn with you. To be honest he needed the minute to get over the shock of seeing you. 

One thing led to another and you guys went out for drinks then ended up back at their apartment.

The whole night you guys were hanging off each other. Loving glances were shared and every word you said sounded like a love spell to him. And that didn't end when it was just you two.

Everyone else went to bed and he wasn't tired at all. So why end the night? Who knows when he was gonna see you again.

“ Ehem. So Eddie?” You said, putting your half empty glass on the coffee table. “ How many times do I have to squeeze your thigh to get you to kiss me?”

He laughed nervously.

You gave him a sexy sly grin. “ Common I've been flirting with you all night.”

He cleared his throat and smirked while you moved closer to him. It was true. You were flirting. He was too. And he shouldn't have. 

You reached up to move his bangs to the side. After you rested your hand much closer to his genitals. 

He quickly put a hand on yours. Just in case you decided to touch him further. “ Ummm…” he mumbled and met your beautiful eyes.

If things were different, he wouldn't question a damn thing and take you right here and now. Maybe even on the floor and the kitchen counter. Definitely fuck you in the shower and again on his bed. But he couldn't.

He exhaled. “ I'm kinda seeing someone.”

You practically jumped back. Pulling your hand away in the process. He could see how red you were getting from embarrassment.

“ Crap! Ed- I'm…uhhhh I'm sorry. I should go.”

You stood up and without thinking he grabbed your arm and stood up too.

“ No! I mean. Please don't go.”

You looked at him and shook your head. “ No I should. I've embarrassed myself enough for a lifetime.”

You tried to go but he gently pulled you back and cupped the sides of your face. 

“ Common kid. Don't be embarrassed. I was flirting too.” He hung his head a little. “ I shouldn't have but…it's you.”

He felt your warm soft hands on his. Making him meet your eyes. 

“ Eddie I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come and -”

“ No. You did nothing wrong. It was me. I should've said I was seeing someone sooner…but seriously, don't go. I-I've missed you…So fuckin much.”

You bit your lip and nodded. “ Okay. But you have to sit on the other side of the couch.”

He dropped his hands and held onto yours. “ Yeah, or I'm gonna have to make a phone call and become single.”

Your eyes widened. “ I'm flattered, but probably don't do that.”

You both grinned at one another before returning to the couch. Talking until the sun came up.

For Eddie it was heartbreaking saying goodbye to you that next morning. You were still that funny, sweet, affectionate girl from highschool. You were still the person he could talk to for hours without a care in the world. And he remembered the love that he still had for you. 

What he learned last night was that you were so busy with school that you didn't have time to date. He also found out that college was much harder than you thought it was gonna be. So hard that you changed your major twice.

Eventually, you found something you really saw yourself doing. Career wise that is. And he was happy for you. Just like how you were happy for him and the guys. 

Still, there was still something between you two. Something he wished he could explore. Something that just flowed with you. It was as if you guys picked up from where you left off.

It irked him. It bothered him so much that he actually opened up to his girlfriend about it. 

At first she was quiet, then she got pissed. Eventually, she calmed down and broke up with him. And to be honest it didn't really affect him that much. Sure he liked her. She was fun to be around. But after talking to you, he realized he never had a decent conversation with her. It was just partying and sex mostly. 

It wasn't her fault though. It was him. He never cared to open up to anyone besides his friends. Maybe it was because he thought no one would understand or get him. Get his quirks or quips. They probably wouldn't get his music tastes or like his nerdy side. Or maybe he didn't want anyone to. Perhaps it was because he still had hope for you. Hope that was instilled in him over the best pancakes in the world.

Either way it would be another 4 years until he would see you again.

…

Jeff was getting married. To Connie, in Hawkins. Everyone was invited and Eddie, Gareth and Grant were his groomsmen. They were all his best men cuz he couldn't choose one. 

Which was such a grueling task. Helping with the wedding and planning a bachelor party took up a lot of time. 

But besides all that, Eddie was looking forward to seeing one guest. One very important guest. The pretty girl he's been corresponding to for the past four years. 

He got in touch after you left New York. And kept up contact. He didn't want to disconnect again. Lose you again.

Though nothing was ever said about getting together, he anticipated that after the wedding he was gonna leave with you. Finally getting to that right now you had mentioned seven years ago.

-

He was near the entrance of the church, saying his hellos with the rest of the wedding party when he saw you. 

Everything around him seemed to slow down as you exited the car and fixed your royal blue dress. You looked around and smiled at the people you knew. Then you went to help your mom out of the car. 

He absolutely could not look away. You were a knockout. Absolutely gorgeous. 

What were the chances he could sneak you out of the party and make love somewhere? Maybe he could convince you to leave early. 

He suddenly felt a jab in the ribs. 

“ Ouch! What the fu-” he groaned as he looked at Gareth who was nodding towards Jeff's grandma. “ Oh right!” He uttered, holding out his elbow for her. “ Hello there young lady, I am to escort you to your VIP spot.”

She hit him with an ohh you and took his arm. He looked back to see if he could catch your eye. But it wasn't until the ceremony that he did. 

With a big smile you lifted your hand. Giving him a little wave. He smirked and looked down. Continuing down the aisle. 

Damn! He thought. He really wanted you to be a part of the wedding party.

Originally you were, but you had just started a new job and couldn't get away for rehearsals or any planning. So you opted to only be a guest. Which sucked for him because now he had to look at the happy couple instead of staring at you.

Once he got to the altar he met your gaze again. He knew he must look crazy grinning the way he was. But he didn't care. The girl he was in love with was in the same town, at the same place he was. And he was gonna make sure he left with you.

-

The vows and I do’s were said and the pastor gave the bride and groom the go ahead for a kiss. 

Eddie looked over at you and you had tears of joy falling from your eyes. He pulled out his  handkerchief and took a few steps towards you. Asking for the person sitting in front of you to hand it off. 

You blushed and wiped the tears away while he went back to his spot. Gareth nudged him, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you were good. 

At this point he would do anything for you. He would give anything to be with you. He'd say anything and everything he could just to see you smile. And for a second he pictured what his life would be like with you.

Applause broke out and he clapped along as Jeff and Connie walked back down the aisle together. Once they were at the end, the guys and bridesmaids followed. 

He looked at you again and you were talking to your dad. However, you met his eyes as he passed and mouthed a thank you. 

He nodded and planned on circling back around so that he could get to you. Unfortunately, he had to go in the limo as soon as they walked out. 

Apparently word mysteriously got out that Jeff was getting married. So there were paparazzi and a handful of fans waiting outside the chapel. 

It was a good thing that they had security on standby just in case this happened. 

Everyone was escorted into the car and rushed off.

Jeff was pissed but Connie calmed him down. Saying that to not let it ruin their day. 

Eddie smiled to himself. He was happy for his friend. Jeff had found the girl he was meant to be with. Even with the band getting bigger and the crazy schedules. One of his best friends got to spend the rest of his life with someone who calmed him. Who accepted him for all that he is and truly made him happy. 

Eddie was a little envious of it. Still, he was completely overjoyed for his buddy. 

He wanted that. More than anything, he wanted you. So it was his prerogative to be with you.

-

Everyone had to show their invitations to get into the dance hall. But once in, the music was going and drinks were being served. 

Eddie waited patiently by the door. Nearly jumping up and down. Excited to finally get to talk to you. 

While giving security your invitation you locked eyes with him and smiled from ear to ear. 

You looked away for a second then followed your parents in. 

He said hello to everyone as they made their way down the line to the newly Weds. Finally it was your dad's turn. They shook hands and your mom was next.

“ Why hello there, gorgeous. You are a vision.”

Victoria blushed and gave him a playful smack. “ Stop it.”

He laughed and gave her a hug. 

At last, it was your turn. 

“ Hi Eddie.”

He stood there with his lips together and an eyebrow raised. Giving you his flirtatious smile. “ Hi baby.”

You tilted your head to the side and raised both brows. “ Baby?”

He beamed at you and grabbed your hand. Pulling you closer to him. “ Yeah. You're my baby girl now.” 

Before you could say anything, he pulled you into a long warm hug. Rocking you from side to side. Making you laugh.

Grant cleared his throat. “ Alright Munson, you're holding up the line.”

You pulled away but he didn't want to let you go. He gave your hand one last squeeze before releasing it. His eyes never left you as you finally made it down to Jeff and Connie. 

He smiled as you took Connie's hand and twirled her around. Clearly admiring how beautiful she looked in her gown. Then you gave her hug. Moving on to the groom. He chuckled seeing you and Jeff do your nerdy handshake before hugging.

Afterwards, everyone sat down to eat. Eddie of course didn't want to sit with the rest of the party. Not while you were just a few feet away. He grabbed his plate and his beer and went to sit next to you. 

“ Eddie…Connie's is gonna kill you.” You warned.

He looked up at the head table and saw Jeff and Connie just enamored with each other. Not really paying attention to anything or anyone else but each other for that matter.

He put a hand on the back of your chair and scooted closer. “ I don't think they care.”

He watched you as you glanced at your friends and smiled.

“ Awww I love them.”

He reached up and moved your hair behind your shoulder. Causing you to look at him. “ Want to get out of here?”

You jerked your head back. “ Dude! It's our best friend's wedding.”

-

As the night progressed you guys were practically inseparable. You danced, drank, and talked. It was as if nothing had changed between you two. He made you laugh and you made him nervous. 

It felt right.

Even the approving nods he got from his friends and family assured him this was it. He could do this with you. 

Your parents were about ready to leave a couple hours later and you along with them. What could he do to get you to stay?

“ I-I can get you a ride home later if you want.” He offered.

You shook your head. “ No, I have some work to do so I better get going.”

He frowned. “ But we hardly got to hang out.”

You looked down, clearly to him, trying to think of something. When he came up with something first.

“ I uhh I should probably try and find a hotel for tonight.”

You met his eyes with yours. “ Why?”

He nudged his head towards the door. Where there were paparazzi hanging out with cameras at the ready. “ I was gonna stay with my uncle, but I don't want those guys to bother him.”

“O-oh… ummm well you know my parents still have the pull out in the basement. I could...if you want, I could sneak you out? But what about everyone else?”

He shrugged. To hell with them for the night. “ They're adults, they can figure out something I'm sure.”

You softly laughed. “ Alright. How about you go out the service entrance and we’ll circle around for you?”

He smirked. “ Let's go.”

-

He was laying there in his boxers trying to figure out how to sneak past your parents room and get into your bedroom. Sure it was probably a stupid idea to try and have sex while your parents were across the hall. However he needed you. He craved your lips, and your warmth. He wanted your body next to his.

So he decided to grab something to drink, then see if your parents had gone to bed.

What he found was even better. 

You were in the kitchen grabbing a Popsicle. Wearing nothing but a long shirt and tube socks.

When you turned around you jumped. “ Eddie!” You half whispered. 

He grinned. “ Sorry baby. Was thirsty.”

He went for a glass to pour himself some tap water. Paying attention to your movements. You had gone to sit at the table and started sucking on the ice cream. All the while reading a manuscript. 

He gulped down his drink and went to sit next to you. Pulling the chair as close to you as possible. 

You did your best to ignore him and his advances. But the way he played with your hair made you shift closer to him. 

You had gotten so overcome by his light touch on your thigh that you squeezed your legs shut. You then flipped the page you were working on and licked the Popsicle that was melting all over your hand. Some of the sweet syrup dripped down your chin. And before you could wipe it away he grabbed your hand with one arm and lightly held your chin between his index finger and thumb with the other. He then licked a fat strip from the underside of your chin up to your bottom lip.

He smirked to himself hearing your breath hitch. He had you right where he wanted. 

He stood up and grabbed your hand. Stealing your sweet treat and finishing it off before leading you down to the basement. Of course locking the door behind you. 

When he got you on the bed, he finally took that kiss he'd been dying for all day and everyday for the past seven years

Wet and needy. Tongues dancing together. Exploring tenaciously. With hands doing the same.

He started needing your breast and was surprised by something hard. Curious, he went under the shirt and felt two small metal balls on either side of your hardened nipple. 

He groaned against your lips. “ Fuck baby. I like this.”

You laughed softly and whispered. “ I knew you would.”

He grinned while he played with your piercing. After a bit he kissed his way down your body until he reached your underwear. But instead of taking them off. He moved the damp cloth to the side and spread you a part. 

He was addicted as soon as his tongue touched you. The sweet, sweet nectar that poured from you drove him mindless. But even more so feeling your hand get lost in his curls as the other covered your mouth. Trying to conceal your pleasure.

He stared up at you, enjoying your contorted face as he sucked and licked and swallowed like there was no tomorrow. 

Then he added fingers. Doing a come hither motion. Wasn't long after that. Your body trembled as an orgasm hit. Your pussy throbbed around his fingers. Coating them generously with your wetness.

He waited patiently for you to come down before climbing back up your body and crashing his lips into yours. And when he did you sucked in his bottom lip. Causing him to push his hardened length against your soaked undergarments.

You pushed him up off of you and got on your knees before him. He watched in awe as you wrapped your hair up and freed his cock from its cotton prison.

You teased him at first. Giving his head little kitten licks and kisses. It was maddening. Feeling your slick tongue swirl around the tip before retreating back into your mouth. 

“ Baby please!” He begged.

You looked up with darkened eyes and a less than angelic smile. “ Shhh. You have to be quiet.”

He pouted. Pleading you with his eyes. 

Then you did it. You took the whole damn thing. Making him reach for the back of your head and lifting his hips to go deeper. 

The hum in your throat had his eyes rolling back and toes curled until they hurt. 

A few seconds passed by and he felt your throat close around him as you started to choke. He loosened his grip and let you back off. 

He opened his eyes and focused on you. Watching you catch your breath before taking him in again. This time not so deep. Adding your hand into the mix. 

It was fucking amazing. Every slurp, every gag, every teasing lick around his balls nearly had him cumming. Even more so when you forced him in every once every other stroke. Building up his confidence and his orgasm.

“ Sh-shit baby…got-gotta stop.” 

You let him go with a small pop and had a concerned look in your eyes.“ Everything okay?”

He licked his lips and swallowed. “ Yeah. Fuckin perfect. Just don't wanna cum yet.”

He leaned forward and pulled you into a kiss while helping you up. 

You stood before him and used his shoulders for balance as he peeled off your panties. 

Once they were at your feet you kicked them off and straddled him. Slowly lowering yourself on his shaft. 

Your mouth fell open and your eyes screwed shut and his tip pushed through. 

“ OH MY GOD!” He moaned. 

Your warm tight pussy clinged to him. Hugging him like no other has before. Feeling you flutter around him as you rocked back and forth had him focusing on not cumming. 

He buried his face in your bosom and concentrated on his target. That one special spot that made you cry out his name. That spot that not only drove you over the edge but made him see heaven.

Sure enough he found it. But at this angle he couldn't touch it as much and he wanted to. 

So he wrapped his arms around you and held on tightly as he flipped you over on your back. 

You giggled in the process and stole a kiss and he repositioned himself. When he looked at you, you were grinning up at him.

“ Oh Eddie. So serious.”

He narrowed his eyes at you and rammed himself in. Earning that yelp/ moan. He reached up to cover your mouth as he plowed into you.

“ This. Is. Serious.” He grunted. 

Your eyes got lost in the back of your head as he thrusted hard and steady. Your moans turning into whimpers and sighs as he fucks you into the bed.

And within moments your body and his reacted to the immense pleasure. 

The climax washed over you like a wave of ecstasy.

Once it passes, he rested his forehead on yours panting with you. Letting his hand fall away from your mouth. 

“ I've missed you so much.” He whispered.

You nodded in agreement that he was also missed. 

He kissed your forehead. “ I'll go find something to clean you up.”

He then pulled out slowly and put on his bottoms.

When he came back he had a warm washcloth with him. He gently cleaned between your legs then himself before pulling you to lay in his arms.

You had started tracing his tattoos. Making him smile.

That's when he found himself writing something on your arm.

‘Marry-me-yeah?’

You sighed lightly and snuggled closer to him. Tracing your answer on his chest.

‘Okay’

He raised his head to look at you. " Yeah?"

You nodded. " On one condition...You have to break the news to Grant."

Eddie threw his head back into the pillow and smacked his forehead. " Shit! He's gonna kill me."

You giggled. " Yup."

…

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @ohmeg @eddiesguitarskills @trashywormeateroffics @eddie-is-a-god @crookedcrone

[staticofthetv]

Take two!

Favourite frames from the new B-Side chapter, featuring some analysis because I have coherent thoughts this time 'round :D

Beware, spoilers below for the B-Side as well as the manga

@veiled-bird that goes for you too, you're nowhere near meeting this guy yet

First up, I love this chapters art. It reminds me of when I was little and asking my dad to help my brother and I beat the last level of episode 3 in lego star wars tcs

Also the chapter title? I have so many thoughts, they'll be discussed more in depth further down but they will be discussed /pos

Numbers weapon 1 mention!! I'm very excited to (hopefully) get more lore about it. Although I am curious if it's like a contact lens or something, I thought it was closer to a surgical implant or maybe some weird side effect from using numbers weapon 1. Mostly because I don't think he's been drawn with normal eyes yet in the manga (at least from what I remember)

Either way very much hoping we get some more numbers weapon 1 lore in this :)

This whole scene but specifically "what good does a test proving I'm abnormal do" hits so hard, especially as someone diagnosed with ADHD in my late teens. Having that feeling of there's something wrong with me for so long and being brushed off every time because I didn't act like the stereotypical 10 year old boy with severe ADHD (a psychiatrist literally told me and my mum i probably had adhd but she wouldnt diagnose me,) I did start to kind of give up on ever figuring it out.

Narumi was incredibly relatable to me in the main manga (not because I'm a badass, I'm very lame lmao) because of the behaviours he exhibits, hyperfocusing on games, constant dopamine seeking (through videogames and online shopping,) needing to be fiddling with something to better process the information being given out, etc.

Narumi is also incredibly smart, its stated explicitly that he got top scores in the entrance exam and I can't imagine those tests are anywhere near easy. It gives neurodivergent kid being told they just need to apply themselves to do better in school/make friends/just function in a neurotypical way in general.

This also comes from his being kicked out of several orphanages, and then even after joining the defence force (especially after being told by Isao that they take anyone that can show skills and results) getting kicked out by the second division and every platoon in the first until he ends up under hasegawa. Considering the title too this is 100% supposed to read as the classic "troubled kid" (many of which are neurodivergent) that not many are willing to put effort into helping. Isao is giving him a way out of the life of having no home to go back to, only to be struck with the threat of getting kicked out once again a year later. Narumi is a very skilled and capable fighter and no one in their right mind would argue with that and it once again all comes down to being labelled as too difficult, hard to work with, never paying attention

This chapter just hits so close to home with me

Baby Mina!! I know there's a decent amount if it in the manga but it's still weird to see her with short hair. I love her so much

There are many more words of appreciation I have but all thought went into dissecting Narumi's character lol

And so being kicked around by hasegawa begins

I love his face here, top tier expression

And here we see Isao solidifying the thought of skill and results being all that matters, there's no way Isao was going to let Narumi get kicked out, especially not after showing aptitude for handling numbers weapon 1. I like to think at this point he does also care for Narumi, I think he sees a lot of Kikoru (or what she could be) in him and especially he sees himself in Narumi. And even though he's only ranked captain Isao would clearly fight to keep Narumi on the force (he probably already had to for Narumi to get transferred to the first division instead of just being dropped when he didn't mesh with the second)

This is also the beginning of Isao and Narumi's mentor/mentee relationship, Isao knows exactly how to handle Narumi and his child prodigy-ness and help him reach his potential as a defence force officer. I think that's part of why Isao shows little care for how Narumi handles himself when off duty, it may be that he knows he can't change Narumi in that way, it may be that he himself just doesn't care for all the professional decorum, either way Isao plays the very important role of being Narumi's main support while he's in the defence force (until Isao dies anyway, whoops.) Narumi needed a space where he could not only be himself but be accepted for it and have the trust of his peers and superiors that he would get the job done when he needs to, and whether it was on purpose or not Isao provided exactly that for him.

This also ties back into the earlier ramble about Narumi being the typical undiagnosed neurodivergent "troubled kid"

(Also the origin of what Narumi says to Kikoru ~9 years in the future :D)

Omg jaeger is canon? Kaiju no. 8 and pacific rim crossover when? /j

Another interesting tidbit about Narumi is his self confidence, he knows he's capable and isn't afraid to tell people that. He says playing support is annoying but what I see is someone that knows he can do better placed somewhere else and has decided to take that into his own hands. He won't get kicked out of the defense force but I wouldn't be surprised if he gets into a shit ton of trouble for taking Isao's words to heart and disregarding his orders, even though I do think he'll be an asset to the battle and perform better being closer to the front lines.

Poor hasegawa has his work cut out for him keeping Narumi in check (a captain and vice-captain match made in hell)

[bomberqueen17]

sweaty

well so i'm two weeks into trying a higher dose of vyvanse and i can confidently say i can't fucking tell whether it's doing jack-shit or not

so there's that

Some of it is undoubtedly that I've been frantically busy at the farm, and have had very little time to not be frantically busy.

But like. I had a slower couple of days just now and haven't managed to reset from the frazzledness. And then I posted a story I'd been working on for two years today, and expected at least a sense of satisfaction, but I felt basically nothing, and while it's been nice to get some comments about it, I haven't managed to scrounge up any fucking, idk if it's dopamine or serotoinin or whatever, i've just been like "ah yes ok good" and moved on. Which is incredibly disappointing, and is also very clearly my interior reaction and has nothing to do with people's reactions.

Like. Do I just not get to have things feel nice, now? IDK. Is that the Vyvanse? Is it just that I suck? I don't know. I spent much of today, when I was suddenly less busy, struggling to make basic decisions, and completely failed to do the one errand I had wanted to do, because the very basic logistics of it were completely outside of my capabilities. A single decision will drain my life force like a fucking vampire, it's insane. And I have discovered new levels of getting stuck on the couch scrolling apps I don't actually want to look at but physically cannot close, it's really wild how much worse that could get than the bad it was already in my normal unmedicated life.

So. I guess I've proven that I don't respond to stimulant medication. So there's not really any point keeping up with these $300 3-minute psych appointments. Most of the people I know who've managed to get diagnoses and treatment have admitted that it was hard to get the meds right, but most of them have managed to find something that does fucking anything.

All I get is dehydrated. That's it really, I know I've taken the meds becuse no matter how much water I drink in a day it's not enough. I've been really faithful on the Vyvanse and it's a moderately high dose.

Maybe it isn't ADHD? Maybe I'm just really uniquely bad at experiencing emotions and executively functioning. I don't know what else to try, and don't really have anyone else to ask.

I guess I give up. At least I don't have to wonder anymore whether so many of my life's problems could be solved with medical treatment. Hurrah, the answer's no!

Great.

(edited to add: i guess i don't need to bother making another appointment so I can pay a further $300 to this shrink to tell him that I'm discontinuing treatment because I don't think he can actually help me. I guess I can just do that in a message, though the app doesn't work so the only option I'll have is to text this to his assistant. Cool.)

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is: fivecenturiesverse! @fivecenturiesverse has 64 fics posted to AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and 45 of them are in the Steddie tag!

@spicysix recommends the following works by @fivecenturiesverse:

i'm feeling devious (you're looking glamorous)

shape it up (get it straight)

chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe

just like a rainbow (you know you set me free)

drag him back to the meeting place

"Fives has a way with words that I don't think anyone else can compare to. More than one fic tagged as "faves" on my bookmarks are theirs. No matter what AU, what setting, whatever way they write a fic, the characterization will always be on fucking point. The way they always include Robin, and the party, and other characters (and also manages to make them so in character, too) always warms my heart. I feel like they truly understand the characters, and in the same way she views them, I view them too, and so Fives' works are always perfect for me. It's like that comfort food, no matter how many times I eat it it always makes me happy." -- @spicysix

Below the cut, @fivecenturiesverse answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

After watching s4 I was mildly annoyed that the show didn’t expand further on Steve and Eddie’s dynamic (not that I ever thought they would be canon) which I found to be really fun and different from a lot of what we see on the show. I also really wanted to explore Steve’s bisexuality and how it relates to his friendship with Robin and Eddie was a great vehicle for that (sorry Eddie lol)

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

There was only one bed… might be basic but it’s always been my favourite. Friends to lovers, fake dating, and forced proximity are also going to have me with my eyes glued to the screen.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Sharing a bed also is number one here, though it’s usually far more platonic than it is in stuff I read haha because non-sexual intimacy is like crack for me to write.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

Lovesick in Loch Nora by redoaktree for the perfect Eddie characterisation but also looking at my bookmarks I think I need to read more steddie and stalk this blog for some recs lmao

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Maybe a genderbending fic because I really enjoyed writing this trope for Star Wars but honestly I’d be excited to writing anything rn, writer’s block is smothering me

What is your writing process like?

I have an idea somewhere between midnight and 3am, then I sit down and write it until it’s finished. Almost every single fic on my account was written in under five hours, I think (outside of my few long fics and series) the fic that it took me the longest to write was “our house (in the middle of the street)” which took me about 10 hours right through the night.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I guess if I have any it’s that I write everything in order all at once and if I get stuck on a scene I cut it and try something else entirely. I also rarely listen to music but if I do it has to be something loud where the words aren’t too distracting.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Alwaaaaayyyys after I’ve finished writing. I used to write on wattpad where I’d post as I wrote and all it meant was that nothing got finished. My problem is that I am fuelled off of interaction and if I’m getting interaction my brain doesn’t understand why I need to write any more. Like, we’re getting the dopamine hit so why bother giving them anything more. My brain is a silly goose, basically.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I’m not sure there’s any fic I’m most proud of. There’s definitely fics I’m less proud of, either because I know how little effort they took me and I think they’re kind of rubbish or because they just didn’t come out the way I wanted even though I put too much effort in. I guess the two series I’ve written for steddie— “of rags and silk (a costume)” and “your love is standing next to me” —are my favourites, I think they are my most imaginative and creative creations :)

How did you get the idea for shape it up (get it straight)?

Honestly a lot of what I wrote in 2023 and the thought process behind it is as much a mystery to me as it is to you but I think I just wanted to get into Mike’s head, dabble in Byler, and I love writing outsider POVs.

When writing i'm feeling devious (you're looking glamorous), what was something you didn’t expect?

That people would like it so much, to be honest. I was just having fun and writing something silly, I guess people do think I’m funny.

What inspired just like a rainbow (you know you set me free)?

I really wanted to add something to the Robin/Vickie tag but it was difficult because Vickie was so character-less in the show, so I focussed it mainly around Robin and Steve’s friendship which I have always loved and their single braincell fake dating plans (a trope I love for them, if anyone has recs… hmu)

What was your favorite part to write from chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe?

The goodbye scene and the reunion scene, I love angst.

How do/did you feel writing chuck me a bouquet after the show, babe?

I was deep in the trenches watching Succession, so I felt like Shiv Roy and I wanted to make Steve into Kendall.

What was the most difficult part of writing drag him back to the meeting place?

The song lyrics for this whole series was definitely the most difficult, fun, and rewarding experience, but for this fic in particular I think getting into the mindset of a 2014 tumblr user reversed any development of my frontal lobe.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

“Carol climbs up, wrapped in a sheet, and yanks up the door to yell at whoever the fuck — But it’s Robin and she’s crying. It’s not even a thought, Carol just reels her into a hug. They’re not friends but it doesn’t matter. They’re something more. They’re Steve’s, they belong to him like luggage he’s left going round and round and round in an airport baggage claim.” – from “let’s make some music, make some money”, my favourite because I think it accidentally described the way I write all ST fanfic like the world is revolving solely around Steve, he’s my little guy I can’t help it.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I wish! I can only say that I hope there’s more coming to an ao3 page near you soon! Thank you for reading B)

Thank you to our author, @fivecenturiesverse, and our nominator, @spicysix! See more of fivecenturiesverse's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[joels-shitty-puns]

Pins and Needles - Chapter 5

Pairing: Post-Outbreak!Joel Miller x Reader

Series Summary: Joel has known you for several years, but it was always strictly business, which was easier and preferred. However, after you run into him in Jackson, avoiding him is more of a challenge than you'd like.

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Alluding to sexual scenarios. Mention of masturbation. Kissing. Age gap, reader is 39/40 Joel is 56/57. Violence!!! This features outbreak day memories. Blood, stabbing, cannibalism, death, infected. An airplane crash. Spoilers from season 1 of TLOU HBO. Deaths from that season are mentioned. Nightmares. Angst/tension. Let me know if I missed anything!!

Other stuff: Reader is referred to by the nickname Needles, but other than that descriptors are avoided! Reader is fem.

This series was based on these two anon requests! Here and here

Series list: Here

Word count: 1.2k

Patrolling with Tommy went relatively smooth, picking up supplies at a drugstore and fortunately not running into any trouble. It was only a half day journey when you returned, Tommy approving you for full duty as soon as possible. With Joel.

Walking through the gates to Jackson, you and Tommy went your separate ways, him walking over to where Maria stood near the gate, baby on her hip, waiting for him. When he reached his wife, his smile lit up his face. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before grabbing the baby from her arms and kissing their child on the head. It made your heart sting and you looked away, only to meet the gaze of Joel. You looked down, avoiding his eyes, and walked home. Alone.

The whole walk home, your mind drifted to Maria and Tommy, how happy they were to have each other. It made you long for the life you may have had if not for the outbreak. You felt silly getting upset over something so trivial as love in a time like this, but despite your best efforts, a stray tear managed to break past your defenses. You quickly swiped it away, like a cat with a Christmas ornament, and began to jog homeward. With the icy air nipping at your nose and lungs, at least you'd focus on how cold you were instead of your feelings. You hoped.

The run didn't seem to clear your head, but it wasn't long before you reached your doorstep. Twisting the key, you stepped inside and headed upstairs to shower before dinner. Maybe the shower would clear your thoughts.

_____

A half hour later, you were dressing in your warm coat and boots, heading out the door for dinner. But upon opening the door, you were met with Joel’s hand, reaching to knock on your front door. Fuck. What does he want? He's never done this, even in the QZ.

“Joel?” You asked, your breath practically knocked out of your lungs in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Did I do somethin’? You've been here two weeks and I've barely seen ya. Everytime I do, you look away like you hate me,” he asked hurriedly. If you didn't know better you'd think he sounded hurt.

“No, you haven't done anything,” you finished, leaving any further questions for him to ask, but not for you to offer. Though you hoped the conversation would die.

“Okay.. then why are you avoiding me? I know we never really talked much before but y’never avoided me before. We're goin’ on patrol together tomorrow and every other shift, so we should clear any issues up now,” his softness died at the end of his reply, replaced with sternness in his tone. But he didn't scare you. Not until he reached out to touch your shoulder. 

Your body tensed, not used to the feel of a gentle hand, and having been so touch-starved for the past 20 years. As much as your body wanted to lean into his touch and maybe experience more touch, craving the dopamine, you jerked away.

The look on your face must have spoken a thousand words, because he pulled his hand away quickly, showing that tinge of sorrow in his eyes for only a flicker before his mouth set in a firm line.

“No issues Joel. Like you said, we never really talked much before. That always seemed easier,” you replied before adding in a whisper you weren't even sure you wanted Joel to hear, “closeness only results in painful deaths.”

His eyes met yours and you wonder if he heard you. Instead of responding, he gave a single nod and turned on his heel, heading out into the snow.

You can't help but feel a pang of guilt settling deep in your stomach. This isn't what you wanted. Feelings…

You take a deep breath and step into the snow by your front step, your boots crunching on the sleet. Folding your hands in your pockets, you make your way to the town cafeteria for dinner, wondering what you can do to fix this situation with Joel.

Should you fix this situation with Joel? Maybe some distance would do some good.

_____

All throughout the meal, you could feel Joel's eyes darting over to you. You wanted nothing more than to leave this building and walk back home, but Tommy told you that you wouldn't be served food if you only took it to your house again, to eat alone.

So instead you chose to eat alone in the cafeteria, a table by yourself, watching everyone else sit with loved ones. Maybe you were making the wrong decision by closing yourself off. But when you first received help from another survivor after outbreak day, it was the advice you were given. Keep your distance.

_____

After the plane crash, your ears rang and the plane was smoking, but you were alive and conscious. The pilots were okay, and you made your way to one of the few living members of this aircraft. The old lady who lent you her needles. She looked to be asleep and you hoped she wasn't dead. 

“Ma'am?” You asked, walking over to her. She didn't respond, so you took a pulse. She was alive, and you gently shook her shoulder, making her come to.

She seemed okay, only slightly rattled and maybe a mild concussion at the worst. You were all lucky to have lived. But as you looked down at the needles still tightly gripped in your bloody hands, you felt your body start to shake and tears begin to well. You killed someone today. You killed other humans today. You were a murderer.

As you looked at the old woman, she set her frail hand on top of your unwrinkled fist, still gripping the needles tightly. Somehow, she seemed to understand completely, as she unwrapped your fingers from the needles. What were you supposed to do when you walked off this plane? They were insane, but you're the one who will be going to trial for murder.

You stepped off the plane, waiting to be met with police snipers and sirens blazing. But instead, the airport was completely empty. It was eerily quiet. What the hell was going on?

You walked into the terminal, where news flashed across every television. People were in a panic and banging on the doors of the airplane entrances. Turning to the television, you were met with the answers you searched for. An infectious disease that turns people into a host for a fungus. Resulting in a complete loss of humanity until you were simply a shell, doomed to suffer at the will of the fungus.

Moving to the nearest payphone, you dialed your family, only to reach voicemail. You called again and left a voicemail. You called again and hung up. You called again and received a busy sound. Your stomach twisted in a knot at the worry that something may have happened to your family.

Eventually you did hear the truth of your family. They were gone. Some were infected. Some were killed by other dangers. But gone. All gone.

After that loss, the loss of other survivors and friends, you decided to take the advice of that one survivor and never get close.

But that was before you met Joel.

[askylongingformemories]

1.Showdown On My Sombrero

A Sky Longing For Memories

   

"You have explicitly, expressed your contempt for me, You have got student loans to pay and can't risk alimony"

Nah, I am not writing a song lyrics, like I have even changed the first line cause even I am not interested in matrimony or stuff close to that, however the idea of ​​​​​​​​​having someone you like or can like, someone you can claim that when you go home you'll ask her out. Sometimes that someone can provide you a little hope and dream and a way to feel less miserable when you are suicidal. That sight of someone leaving actually hurts the most on the last day of school. Factually speaking I have got one more day to go to school as I have got an exam on 2nd April but its of a minor subject that only 25 out of 2-300 students had opted. So she'll not be coming . She has different subjects so she did not even come on 9th the day I saw most of my friends for last time. She has got an exam on 19th but I don't think I should go solely to meet her. After all I' ve got some self respect. Nah, actually I have not but I am haughty and if she was interested in me even half as much I was in her, she should have asked me out. I wouldn't have said no. Maybe. I wrote her messages. She didn't reply to any of them. None was informal, none was mentioning the sky I dream to go to with her. All were formal asking her to bring her books or whatever asking her to prepare for her part in the group activity we were in. Actually there were three of us and the other boy. Ah I so much love the classic love triangle .Thomas hardy wrote one with it- Far from the madding crowd.

"... and whenever I look up, there will be you."

She might be Everdene for me but I was none of her two lovers. I was the third wheel who watched all of it happen as if I had no say in the story-a proper NPC.A gal and a guy are talking in a room or in a walkway about physics ,chemistry or work .Suddenly a wild bidoof appears, and they stop talking, try to go away excuse themselves out. Bidoof texts the girl that he'll do this and that work and she'll do that work ,girl doesn't see even after being online. Sees it after a day, doesn't care to reply. Bidoof stops talking to her. Bidoof talks to the other guy who is a genuine friend and was a friend even before the gal arrived to know more about progress of work. The project is finished, group wins but gal talks and celebrates with guy. Bidoof also joins in. They talk for sometime. Go and collect award. Boy goes on to talk with other competitors and does no talk with team. Alpha male asks him to click his photos, he does but has no further talk. On the outset alpha is a general guy and bidoof has come to like him and respect him for he has also earned his place as one of the top 3 representing the school but so has bidof. Now what?

If you've been a third wheel before you know you are that bidoof. You are in team and you were critical at junctures , but no ONE cares. Actually one person cares and it's you Bidoof. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T CARE ANY LONGER , bidoof.

How do we fall in love-that would warrant another blog post. How love was manufacture d by durex to sell more condoms? And lawyers to make up reasons for women to marry men and take up half of their money when brain stops producing enough dopamine, oxytocin and like. And guys like Hardy and Dickens and Shaw and Shakespeare milked it to generate money. I might throw your pop musicians in as well for a good measure. Dylan, The Beatles, Cash, Smiths all talked of love even when they were in protest era, Even Vietnam vets CCR didn't shy from a song like that. And among fortunate son, Proud Mary and related stuff the most popular Creedence Clearwater Revival video is this one. Even most indie songs are of love as if you have nothing better to think about but about it, I'll talk next time. 

I'll come up with more stories about her and love is something that makes a man drunkard or author. I didn't get to experience any of it in high school so at least I got to write out a few stories of encounters I had with her to make up for lost time and opportunities to be happy

[touloserlautrec]

Writer Q&A Tag Game

Thanks for the tag, @ntzsche9! You can find their answers here — and there are some absolute bangers in there.

Gently, no pressure tagging: @camillenrose @pandoras-comment-box @scribe-of-stories @thatndginger @sunset-a-story

1. What motivates you to write?

I can’t not think about stories. If I didn’t write (or pressure @sunset-a-story into co-writing a given scene XD oopsies), I’d just go out of my mind with stories bursting from the seams. It’s how I mainline dopamine.

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Probably this excerpt from Arc 1:

Mackenzie held her eyes for a moment amidst the table’s laughter. It seemed like nothing could ever make her flinch. “The reality is, there is no fairness,” she said. Her voice was rich and deep like velvet wrapped around a sharp knife. “No justice, no karma, no great equalizer. Not even death.” The table fell silent as she spoke. The woman knew how to command attention and respect. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in all my days, it’s that we’re not built to hold it in our fragile minds-- this reality that no amount of integrity, righteousness, or fortitude will overcome the affliction of human nature.” She looked at each of them, straight in the eyes. “But if there’s another thing I’ve learned, it’s that those same fragile minds are a weapon. We’re not built to hold that knowledge because that knowledge is useless to us.” Her voice hardened. “This is a war of attrition. Our fragile minds may shatter like glass at that knowledge but shattered glass can slice a man’s throat. Even the tiniest shards can cut up your insides and kill you if you’re made to swallow them. Death may not equalize the world, but it can damn well make a man piss himself. So we let our minds block out the parts that hold us back and we’ll force-feed them the undoing they’ve sown. There have been days when I’ve known everything there is to know, and I can’t hold it all forever, but the one thing that I can’t un-know is that things change. They mutate because of some small itch or tiny displacement. Just look at us. Knacks. Mutations. Impossible changes. Motherfucking pearls.” She picked up the bottle of scotch and started pouring again. “So, Fredericka. You were robbed. They will try to make you thank them for it. Don’t give that to them. Instead, keep your head held high and make them choke on it.”

3. Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Oooh how do I choose from my babies???? I think Alex is probably the head of the pack— he’s just got so much growth and bravery, and it’s comforting that he lives inside me. On the other hand, Emmett is a very strong contender because he’s such an unhinged, confident person, who does absolutely nonsense things. I can’t help but cackle along with him, and I try to channel him when I need to be confident.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I think it’s probably gotta be characters. I think I am pretty good at coming up with interesting, well-rounded characters with unique voices, and writing their inner dialogue and inner workings to further flesh them out.

6. What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

The engagement and encouragement. It was starting to really get crushing to constantly post things to Facebook and Instagram and get pretty much no response, so having a place where people are actively encouraging and lifting each other up feels really good and motivating.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

Hmm. Google docs has been a life saver in co-writing and organizing this behemoth of a story. The other thing, weird as it may seem, is drawing— drawing and seeing my characters helps me feel inspired to write/brainstorm more story, and vice versa.

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

My favorite piece of world building is The Church. Their weird way station homes, the constant sense of grossness and pared down utilitarianism that comes with being nomadic and single-minded. Their unflagging faith and spirituality of all different sorts. The most welcoming, safest, unwavering hospitality. I love the weird combination of those things. It also lets me indulge my lil’ pagan heart (even with non-pagan characters tbh, because the way they interact with any God(ess)/Spirit/Being, no matter which religion, has so much conviction and deep knowing that it is True and Real and Manifest). Their lifestyle and mission is so compelling to me.

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

We’re always taught to write with the audience in mind, and to an extent that’s true, but first and foremost, write what you want to read, write because it’s fun, and then read your own stuff over and over because you love it and it inspires you to keep going. Read other work too, don’t get me wrong, but just… let yourself enjoy it. Be your own fandom.

[justlikethefish]

An idea for the void

So, I was thinking, right? I do that from time to time. It’s not always advisable, but it happens.

Anyway, I was thinking about Youtube, and how I watch a lot of it. I probably watch more Youtube than anything else, to be honest. I watch lots of stuff on there, but my favorite thing to watch is usually terrarium builds, followed closely by aquarium/fishkeeping stuff, and after that, I think it’s probably herp stuff—like reptiles, amphibians, that kinda thing.

I watch a ton of this stuff. It started off when I was working night shifts at a shitty hotel a few years ago. It was one of those weird jobs where you’d spend maybe 80% of your time doing jack shit, but then the other 20% of your time was like, blind fucking panic because some idiot was trying to sneak a mastiff to their room through the emergency exit, or because Afro Man is in your hotel, and that’s not really a bad thing, but meeting Afro Man was the absolute last thing you expected. Anyway, it was a shitty hotel with lots of crazy moments, and it turns out that terrarium builds were like my own personal Bob Ross. They just chilled me out immediately. I fell in love.

Then I started actually making the things, and let me tell you, I’m not very good at it, but I love it.

Wait, okay, so back to how I watch a bunch of this on Youtube. I mean it, I watch a lot of it. Enough that  it’s really easy to notice some patterns. So, with fish and reptile youtubers, it feels like there’s a measure of community there, right? These folks will reference each other, bump into each other at conventions, drop in to do a project together. It’s not every video or every creator or anything, but you see it.

Terrarium youtube? Not so much. I’m not sure if it’s a matter of location making it difficult or something else, but other than really rare occasions, each channel sort of exists by itself, in it’s own little walled garden, its own, dare I say, sealed glass container, keeping it isolated from the others like it. Now, each creator is different; they’ve all got their own styles and personalities, their own techniques... but at the end of the day, they’re all doing the same (super rad) thing (that I absolutely love). There’s a lot of shared technique that goes into making this a whole genre of thing, even if they’re all mostly concerned about their own corner of the hobby.

Second... A lot of these videos kind of act like you’ve never seen another one like it. On some level, they’re almost all tutorials. Each one will give you a bit of information about selecting your container, about making your false bottom or drainage layer, about making your own substrate from from a similar blend to what most other terrarium makers use, about choosing your plants and moss, about lighting and watering (or not watering).

That’s great if you’re just dipping your toes into the art form, but if you’re a stressed out, ADHD-addled night owl desperately trying to wring dopamine from videos of jars being stuffed full of dirt and leaves, it’s a little weird to be told how to do this for the first time four or five times in a row.

It’s just kinda weird to me how each channel almost pretends that they’re the only one you watch, and each video pretends it’s the first one you’ve seen.

And so I wondered, like... what if that wasn’t the case?

What if you dispensed with the tutorial? Maybe not entirely; you could leave it in the description, you could put text on screen for people to follow if it is their first time or if they want to compare notes between your video and someone else’s.

It makes sense to me. Videos where people talk into the camera while they’re getting ready for the day or eating huge amounts of food are totally a thing, aren’t they?

I don’t see why you couldn’t do that with a terrarium, other than maybe it would be kind of niche within a niche, but that could be fun. Heck, why not go further? My first idea was to just talk about whatever the playlist was going while the terrarium was being built... That’d be fun, sure, but it’d be a little awkward with copyright and all.

Okay, so don’t do that. Or at least don’t stop there. Just... get weird with it.

“Today, we’re building a terrarium and talking about what an asshole Axl Rose is.”

“Today, we’re building a terrarium and talking about house cats.”

“Today, we’re making a terrarium using only fittonia species and discussing Rancid’s 1995 punk rock opus ‘...And Out Come The Wolves’ (don’t @ me)”

“Today, we’re planting a five gallon aquarium for orange neocaridina shrimp and reflecting on grief and how to process all the things that remain unsaid when those we love leave us behind (and also random facts about goats because that other stuff is really sad).”

“Today, we’re making a waterfall paludarium and discussing Albert Camus, absurdism, and why one must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

And like, you don’t have to completely forego discussing what’s happening on screen. You could have fun with that, too. You could, I dunno, acknowledge the existence of everyone else who is also doing this hobby you love, right?

"So, we know how this goes. This isn't either of our first rodeo. I've got the ingredients for my soil on the screen, but let's be honest, you're already just going to use the recipe from SerpaDesign or Worcester Terrariums.

Anyway, the craziest thing about about Winsor McCay’s Little Nemo in Slumberland is probably...”

Yeah, I dunno. I don’t have much beyond this What If?, really. I think this sounds fun, and I want to watch it, so someone should do it.

[hardtchill]

For me it’s very similar to the other anon. I’m turning 25 this year and I’ve still not got my bachelors degree because I had to quit my first go around at uni since i physically couldn’t learn for my exams. Granted it was compounded by other issues such as depression and anxiety but i genuinely believe that a not insignificant part of those issues come from the fact that adhd makes it near impossible to organise myself (unmedicated btw).

Seeing this on my feed rn is kind of ironic since even though im in my third year of a degree that I actually enjoy now, I literally dropped out of an exam that I was supposed to write today cuz I couldn’t revise. It’s not like I didn’t have the time and I’ve known for weeks about the deadline, but with every assignment or exam I push my own boundaries further and further back until I can’t do it anymore. Last semester I crammed 84 pages worth of notes in under 48h, an exam mind you that I’d pushed back over a year and was literally my last shot or I’d not be allowed to continue with my studies. I barely slept, I was throwing up, but I somehow passed, and with a good grade at that. Since then my brain is like, well you managed to do that that one time so you can totally afford to wait until the DAY before an exam to finish it. Or write a 15 page paper in a day.

And you know what, maybe I can. But the problem is the cost. It’s killing me. I find that it’s also very isolating cuz generally people don’t have a lot of empathy for this? So I end up pulling back from everyone including my best friends until I’m at a point again where I can be around people without letting on how incredibly bad I’m doing. Or I just straight up lie so they don’t know that I’ve not done the things i said I would do.

And all this is not just within the framework of academia. It’s also impacted my wellbeing in a more general sense - cooking for myself is hard because I tend to not listen to my body’s cues until I’m on the verge of passing out cuz i forgot to eat or drink, or by the time I’m hungry I still have to make a meal so I end up ordering something cuz it’s faster. Same with showering daily or brushing your teeth. Getting any routine started in general and sticking with it. I’ve been meaning to start exercising again but I keep delaying it for no reason. I’ve worked out regularly in the past so I know it’s something that I enjoy and that makes me feel good but despite that I’m still stuck in this place of inertia? It’s awful.

I’ve talked to some friends who also have adhd about it and the inability to start something cuz it isn’t instantly gratifying or that doesn’t align with an interest but is an obligation is quite common. Can I binge 7 seasons of a reality show in a week if it really interests me? Hell yeah! (I do watch everything at 2x speed cuz everyone talks too slow lmao but still). Will i fly through a massive book and literally forego sleeping if it means getting through more of it if im really invested? Absolutely. 1500 puzzle? Massive Lego set? Yep! Taking notes from a textbook for an assignment? Literally kill me right now.

I’m sorry for this long ass message and idek if you’re gonna read all of this but yeah just wanted to share my experience. Adhd is absolutely not quirky or a superpower and I wish there was a better understanding of it out there because it makes me my own worst enemy every day.

Ugh anon i feel you so much. I have skipped on many an exam during my bachelors because i just couldn't concentrate, focus or start revision. It's completely miserable to literally see the time go by where you feel the stress but you just cannot get your brain to start on what you need to do.

Any time i told teachers and now colleagues that i work well with deadlines i get told i'm not motivated enough because if i was i wouldn't need deadlines. That's just so unfair! My brain is graving dopamine, it's not laziness that my brain does this, it's literally just ADHD.

This is the same reason why your brain (usually) jumps into action when that crippling anxiety hits, because you're so close to a deadline that your brain can smell the dopamine.

The only reason that i finished my 6 month thesis is because i had many mini deadlines during those 6 months. I felt the anxiety to finish a part of it every month and i had a teacher who was very nice and gave you compliments when you did (DOPAMINE). If i didn't have that i would still be writing my thesis now.

ADHD is so misunderstood by so many people. It affects every part of your life and the negative consequences are so much bigger and impactful than the potential positive outcomes. I mean yeah i'm creative and can think fast, awesome but that doesn't make up for the anxiety, stress and grief you go through anytime your brain just doesn't want to start something.

[hungerpunch]

gritting my teeth + gritting my teeth

my cycle of self-harm is like. i feel the urge bubbling. i think "no. i know better. i am better. i got this." then, i see my face in the mirror. in the wrong light, at the wrong angle, much too close. my resolve weakens. well. maybe just a little bit. but not a LOT. just for a second. i'm not going to go overboard this time. i swear. i promise. "okay fine, go ahead."

but then i get started picking and scratching and scraping and every scrape gives me a tiny hit of dopamine. it really hurts and it feels good. and it's right. my face is disgusting and it should be remade. my skin is a sign of how unwell and impure i am and i deserve this torture. fuck it, wheels off, go crazy. who cares. who cares who cares. we'll figure out a magical way to heal it quickly this time. we've got acids and oils and lotions. we'll figure it out. just go until you can't go anymore.

next thing i know my face is red, swollen, bleeding, full of scratch marks. it's really bleeding, too. if i go further i'll probably make myself cry. only at this moment am i able to come to my senses, wash my hands, splash my face with cold water, and step away from the mirror.

my wife sees me when i try to sneak into the hallway closet for the vitamin e oil there. "what happened?" she asks, alarmed.

miserably, i think, you know what happened. but she always gives me the benefit of the doubt first, which is nice, i guess. "me," i mumble. humiliated. scared of myself. they sigh my name and i get defensive: "i can't control myself!" which is not true. i can control myself, i'm actually very good at it. i don't know why this one habit persists. i don't know why i can't kick it. it started as a preteen and has followed me into my 30s. it's always worse when i'm stressed. sometimes it happens 30 minutes before an important event, which is embarrassing.

i hate it and i want to stop it. but at the same time it makes me feel better. if i really wanted to stop, i'd take more serious steps with the help of my wife. if i wanted to stop, i'd tell my therapist about it. but i don't. my therapist of 4 years does not know. so i guess i want this. it's not even that big of a deal, really. my face is just bleeding.