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profundcherrylady · 4 months ago

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SINGLE DAD!SAE ITOSHI

A/N: CHRISTMAS SPECIAL! Yeah I know it's past New Years and technically mid January, I just took a looong time writing this, hope y'all like it tho.

Warnings: None I think. Just a little swearing.

Contents: Rin being a bad babysitter lol. VERY unrealistic btw there is no way none of this could be like an actual situation that could happen in real life. Very, very bad parenting because WHY would Sae let any of this happen tf.

Description: On a displeasing turn of events, Sae has to spend Christmas eve at work, in Spain. But that's not going to stop his daughter from making her Christmas wishes come true.

"...What do you mean, she's gone?" Sae's voice was starting to sound anxious, even on the other side of the phone. Missing? His daughter was missing on Christmas eve? How could this happen? If he was there, he would for sure give Rin something more than just a piece of his mind for losing his daughter.

"Exactly what you're hearing. She's not here." he explained, still looking around under tables and inside cabinets in case she was secretly playing hide and seek again. "I checked her bedroom, the bathroom, your room, the kitchen... it's like she disappeared on thin air."

"That's impossible. Why did you leave her alone in the apartment in the first place?"

"Because she is refusing to move from her room. Well, she was. Now I have no clue of where the hell she is! You know this is your fault, right?"

"Excuse me? Tell me how I'm at fault for you losing my daughter."

"She wouldn't stop asking about you; she was heartbroken when you told her you'd spend Christmas at Spain without her, saying she wanted to be with you and asking when you'd come back. She was so depressed she didn't even want to eat. I even bought her a bunch of presents but she said it'll not be the same without you here, and you know damn well that brat's spoiled. She wouldn't reject any gifts if she wasn't depressed, depressed."

"First of all, do not call her a spoiled brat." he responded. "Second, fine. Leave it at that and just focus on finding her, where could she have gone to? Somewhere that reminds her of me maybe? She must've left something behind, keep looking!"

"I'm looking, chill." he entered the little girl's bedroom once again. Just as he saw before, it was empty and quiet, no sight of her favorite bunny plushie either which meant she must have gone somewhere. She always took that thing everywhere. He peeked under the bed but there was nothing, then finally stood back up.

A paper.

Rin's eyes widened at the sight of a paper on the bed, and he quickly rushed to read it.

"Rin?" he hushed his brother on the other of the phone. The handwriting was messy and childish so it was definitely hers, and as he read line through line his eyes widened even more.

"Fuck."

"What? What is it? Did you find something?"

"So... you're not gonna like what you're going to hear. She left a note... it says she was heading to you."

"Me?" he repeated, absolutely on disbelief. "I'm in Spain."

"Yeah, she seems to know that." the younger Itoshi continued to read the note, this time out loud. "...'Dear uncle Rin, I miss papa, I don't wanba wait anymore...'? Guess she meant 'wanna'. Uh... 'Chridthsma I dunno how to spell it but you know what I mean. Too lonely! I wanna see papa, so I'll go suprise him. I wanna spend tomoreow with him. Thanks uncle Rin! Plz don't throw out my presents that you bought me. Bye-bye'. And that's it."

"WHAT? She can't come all the way to Spain just to see me."

"You bet she can't; she's under eighteen. Relax, she can't travel alone just like that; she won't go far. I'll just go to the airport."

"Okay... that's true, but she wouldn't give up that easily; I'm pretty sure she knows she can't go on a plane alone, so..." then the realization hit him. "The train."

"What?"

"The TRAIN. She'll take the train from Japan to Europe, then from Barcelona to where I'm at on Madrid."

"Sae be fucking for real. Do you seriously think a six-year-old planned all of that?"

"Believe me, she's capable. She's seen those trains before, and she would for sure be too scared to go to the airport."

"And where do you think she'd get the money to travel?"

"Her allowance."

"You give a six-year-old an allowance?"

"STOP asking questions and go to the train station for her!"

"Okay, relax, I'm heading out."

But unfortunately for Rin, little Mao was already on the train station ready to head out to a whole another continent just to see her father. She had packed well (she broght her stuffed bunny) and ate breakfast before heading out (cookies from the kitchen counter); she was even well dressed for the occasion (she put on her jacket).

She was at the train station now, waving hello to the person selling the train tickets.

"Can I go to Spain, please?" she asked excitedly.

"Well, hello. You're taking a trip with your parents? Where are they?"

"My papa is at Spain." the man let out an 'oh' after hearing that.

"On Christmas eve, whithout his family? Must be something important. I'm sorry, though, I can't sell you a ticket to another country without any parental supervision."

"But... I already got all the way here."

"Sorry, kid, it's against the rules. I mean, if you had another parent or someone that can go with you I'd gladly let you go to Spain and see your dad."

"My uncle already said no... that's why I walked here all by myself... in the snow..."

"Well, if he said no it must be for a reason. What about your mom?"

"She isn't alive anymore. My dad and my uncle are pretty much all I have."

"Oh..." now he was starting to feel bad about this poor kids and her sad puppy eyes.

"I just wanted to see my papa on Christmas eve... he said he'd send me presents but I just wanted a hug from him. That was my only Christmas wish... but I guess it won't come true... hopefully he won't miss new year's too... or my birthday... I don't wanna keep seeing him through a screen anymore..."

"Okay, okay, okay, fine." he gave up; this teary-eyed child was going to kill him from sadness. He couldn't just send her home all sad like that. "Fine... I'll make some calls, I'll get you a train ticket to Barcelona. But you have to follow my instructions, okay? Going to another country is a big deal."

"Really? Thank you, mister! Now my Christmas wish is gonna come true!" the man took the phone aside from him and started making calls to arrange everything.

"Just let me see your passport and we'll see what we can do."

"You missed her? Really?" Sae was exasperated at this point. He was confident that they wouldn't let a kid travel to another continent, but apparently they were more incompetent than he thought.

"Listen, I got here as fast as I could. It's Christmas eve and there's snow all over; traffic was horrible." Rin explained, looking over his shoulder where the person in charge was showing him the security footage where they let Mao buy a ticket and get on the train. "I asked and it seems like her train just left. She bought a ticket to Barcelona and she's now on her way to you, but don't worry too much, they told me they got someone from the staff to keep an eye on her."

"That's not as bad as it could be, but what now? I have a match today, she knows that. I told her I wasn't missing Christmas at home just because. I'm busy preparing but if she's already on her way that I might have to cancel."

"Don't get too ahead of yourself just now, her train just left. It's like 19 hours from now, and it has two connections in Portugal and France. It'll take her a while to actually get to you."

"Still, the game is tomorrow at 2:00pm. I don't know if I can concentrate in training if my child is somewhere in Europe. Just thinking about it is getting me on my nerves... I know I can't do anything until she's here but I still feel the urge to go looking for her."

"Listen, it's going to be fine. Nothing will happen to her on the train and once she gets to Spain she only has to buy another ticket from Barcelona to Madrid and then you can do something about it, but do not call off the game because of this. People are counting on you to show up, you know? Seriously, just focus on getting ready and everything will get sorted out. Even if you don't go and look for her, I think she made it clear that she's going to find her way to you."

"I suppose there's some truth in what you say, but it still doesn't feel like something a responsible parent would do. I'm just worried."

"And you don't think I am? She's still my niece; if anything bad happens to her it'll all be my fault."

"It sure will be, you better take the damn responsibility if something happens to my daughter."

"Why do I bother telling you anything? Whatever, I'll call you later."

"France and Portugal were pretty, right?" the assistant from the train watched Mao as she nodded her head with a smile. "You took a big nap earlier; must feel a lot better, hm?"

"Yeah, but I'd really like to get to Spain now..."

"Don't worry, sweetie. Look, we're already here." she almost jumped off her seat when she heard that, holding her plush bunny tightly. The woman from the train helped her gather her stuff and get off, then sweetly waved her goodbye from the inside of the train. "Take care, okay? You're almost there!"

"Bye, miss! Thank you!" Mao waved as well as the train's gates closed off again, then turned around to head to the front desk and buy a ticket to Madrid.

Looking around, she almost bumped with a couple of people who spoke in a language she didn't quite understand and seemed pretty confused to see a foreigner child alone at the train station. She ignored it, as she was busy being amazed at the difference between this place and her hometown, but she kept going until she finally got the front desk where the person in charge looked down at her.

"¿Qué?"

"Hi! Um... I wanna go to Madrid." she pointed to the screen behind the man, so even though he didn't understand the kid he knew what she was trying to say, and he answered accordingly.

"Madrid? ¿Pero qué quiere hacer una niña en Madrid?" she stared, unable to understand a word, and the man finally sighed. "Mo es mi cría ni mi problema. Toma tu boleto a Madrid."

"Thank you!" she took the ticket handed to her and payed the number on the screen and walked towards her next train.

This was it, she was almost there. So close to seeing her father it actually felt unreal! Even when she didn't even spoke spanish she was there! Just a few hours and she would be able to get that hug from him.

Of course, as the hours passed, little Mao ended up spending Christmas eve on the train, but the wait was worth it. When the sun finally went up and Christmas morning came around, Mao Itoshi arrived to Madrid. The city outside the train station was bustling with energy, with big christmas decorations on the local stors and a crowd of people walking around with their children. And so... what now?

Wait.

...What now?

Where WAS Sae? She didn't know. She knew he was in Madrid and that he had a game later, yet that was all. She didn't know where her dad was staying or where could he be now, aside from the stadium where the football game was taking place later, but she didn't know where that was either. The city was huge and full of people; what was she supposed to do now?

"Um... sorry?" she tried asking around for directions, but of course, the locals didn't speak the same language as her. The brushed her off as soon as they realized they weren't getting whatever she was trying to say.

So she continued walking, trying to find anything that might get her in the right direction. At this point, she was tired again. She was only a child after all; she couldn't walk that much without getting exhausted fast, but she kept pushing through. She was on a mission, and the goal was so close; she couldn't possibly give up now. Even if she was tired and cold and hungry... she didn't have that much time before her father's game started, and then she would have to wait even more for that hug!

After a while she stumbled across a café. She didn't have money on her, but she figured she was tired and maybe they could let her just sit for a little bit and rest so that she could get to Sae faster. She held onto her plush bunny a little tighter as she reached for the doorknob and got inside, just to be greeted by a young (yet older from her perspective) woman.

"Bienvenida!" she looked down at the child, and after a couple of seconds she became surprised that she was alone. Peeking outside the door, there was no sight of any parents or older siblings or any responsible adult. She also took note of the fact that her features didn't seem spanish, although they were slightly familiar from somewhere... "¿Hablas español?"

"Um..." the answer to that question was no. She did not speak Spanish, but she didn't know that's what she was asking.

"Ay, probrecita... no te preocupes, ven." she signaled Mao to follow, which she did, and she was sat on a nearby table. "¿Tienes hambre? Ah, es cierto, que no hablas español. Te voy a traer algo de comer, ¿sí?"

After saying a couple more things she didn't understand, the lady finally walked away, so Mao let herself relax for a moment on the tranquility of the almost empty café. The only sounds around were the soothing wirring of the coffee machine on the back, the television set on some corner and the few people that were in there eating. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, resting her head against the table, when the lady came back with a little baked pastry on a plate. She gestured Mao to not worry and just eat it, but before she could actually say anything else she was startled by the sound of another customer cursing out at the TV.

"¿QUÉ?" he exclaimed again, and so she paid a little more attention to the news on there.

"Y ahora, bueno, la noticia que ha tenido a toda España como loca. A las 2:00pm de hoy estaba programado el partido de fútbol que iba a dar lugar en el estadio de Madrid y en el cual iba a participar el llamado prodigio japonés Sae Itoshi. Ha dado muchísimo de que hablar como jugador; se le quiere un montón en su país de origen, y hoy iba a participar en este partido pero de última hora acaba de anunciar que no puede jugar. Es una locura, escúchenme que tampoco me lo puedo creer. El partido ha sido puesto en espera porque Sae Itoshi se está negando a jugar debido a que su hija está desaparecida. Dio algunos minutos de su tiempo para hablar con la prensa hace poco menos de treinta minutos y declaró que aparentemente de vuelta en Japón dejó a su hija al cuidado de su hermano, es decir el tío de la niña, y que... que ha despertado y la niña no estaba! Y en víspera de navidad, además, es que es increíble. Y para hacerlo peor todavía, la niña dejó una nota en su casa diciendo que fue a visitar a su padre, por lo cual Sae Itoshi declaró que su hija está en algún lugar de Madrid y que no puede jugar hasta que no la encuentre. No me creo que esto sea una noticia real gente, pero aquí estamos. Eh... pues ya saben, estén atentos. Sae Itoshi dejó la descripción de su hija para que quien sea que la vea lo pueda reportar o la lleve directamente al estadio. Es una niña de seis años, tiene el cabello oscuro y los ojos iguales a los de su padre; también dice que lleva con ella un... ¿conejo de felpa?"

"Dios mío!" after hearing the news, the lady was certain. This kid in the café was Sae Itoshi's daughter; her description matched and then it made sense that her features seemed familiar. So she was missing and her father was holding the whole football match until he found her... she had to do something!

She waited patiently until Mao finished her little snack and then approached her again, pointing at the TV where they were showing the footage of Sae declaring the facts of her little runaway. The kid gasped, almost trying to reach out to him.

"Papa!" that she could understand. It was very similar to the spanish word "papá" which meant dad so there was no doubt.

"Te voy a llevar con tu papá, ¿bien? Vamos." she offered her hand, which Mao took as the lady shouted that she was going out for a little bit and got out with her.

"C'mon, Sae, be reasonable. You can't just back out of the game like this! Do you know how many people are counting on you?"

"Yeah, the thing is, I don't give a fuck my daughter is MISSING. I was patient enough; I'm not doing anything until she's safe and sound."

"But... Sae! This game is very important for all of us! You're going to make us lose!"

"So you're telling me... a stupid football match is more important than my daughter's life." now THAT made him rethink his words, although not for long, because there was no way he was going to stay quiet with how much was at stake. But the next thing he said was the last straw for Sae.

"N-No... I didn't mean... fuck, Sae, she's been missing two days! Maybe it's time you consider the other possibilities and move on-"

"What did you just say?" his harsh tone and the darkened expression on his face made the whole room go quiet. "I don't care if you lose the game over this, you hear me? But that's my little girl, and if anything happens to her because of this I could never forgive myself, and the fact that you are even suggesting that she could be dead and that I just 'move on' is making me sick. You want me to play today? You better keep that stupid mouth of yours fucking closed or I'll make sure you do. I don't say things twice so you better listen up. I'm getting out of here to find her, understood?"

"Y-Yeah... I'm sorr-"

"Papa!" Sae's expression instantly switched as soon as he heard the familiar voice call for him, and as he turned around, there she was. Safe and unharmed, accompanied by a few security guards from the stadium. His eyes relaxed inmediately when he saw her ran up to him, then he crouched down and opened up his arms as he saw the little girl going for a hug, and once she was on his arms again, he let out a sigh of relief and held her just a little bit tighter. "I missed you, papa!"

Sae stood back up with her still on his arms, and frowned slightly as he looked down at her again.

"You are in very big trouble, young lady. You traveled all across Europe from Japan, through Portugal and France, just to be here. Do you have any idea how dangerous and irresponsible that was? Do you know what could've happened to you? You could've gotten lost, or worse. I am very disappointed; I was worried sick. You don't even speak spanish and you still managed to get all the way to the stadium." he saw her little smile fade away with his words, and he sighed once more as his eyes softened once again. "You must've really wanted to see me today, huh?"

"I did! Papa, I wanted to be with you on Christmas."

"We talked about this, Mao, I sent you lots of gifts back to Japan and we could always videocall today after the game; you didn't need to do all of this."

"But I did need it!"

"How so?"

"Because none of the gifts were what I wanted..."

"What? That's not possible. I sent you everything you said you wanted; I bought you that dollhouse you said was pretty and the dress you said you wanted for Christmas, there were more plush toys and accessories you told me you liked and things from your favorite cartoons. I don't know how I could've missed anything."

"That's okay papa, it's because those are the gifts from you! I did want those but they weren't my Christmas wish."

"Really? None of them?"

"Nope! They were things I wanted but they weren't my Christmas wish. But don't worry, papa, there's no way you could've known. I wrote it on my letter to Santa!"

Oh.

Didn't he tell Rin to check that as well? Damn it, he missed his daughter's Christmas wish and he didn't realize. Of course it didn't come true if he didn't know what it was to buy it...

"Well, can I know what it is? Maybe there's still time to get you whatever it is."

"It's okay, I already have it! It was a hug from you." and then his heart melted down. How could he still be mad after that?

"You little rascal. Why did you tell Santa and not me?"

"I figured he'd talk to you and maybe you would change your mind and go home. But then I found out what was his plan really was! I woke up yesterday and there was a letter under the tree! And it had money and the train schedule so I could get here today! And then a lot of miracles happened, like the person who sold me the ticket and the nice lady from the train and the café and me getting this far without knowing any spanish!"

"You found a letter with money under the tree? I didn't do that..." he whispered, and he certainly knew Rin didn't do it either.

"Of course you didn't; it was Santa!" Sae rolled his eyes and gave her one last hug.

"It still doesn't mean you're free from punishment. You're grounded for a month."

"Why?!"

"You traveled to another continent without permission and you're asking why you're grounded? Hand over that plush bunny, miss."

"Noooo, not that! I'm not gonna do it again!"

"You bet you won't."

"Don't take it, please! He's my best friend."

"I know." he huffed. "Fine. Now, I'm gonna need you to wait for me; I have a game to win."

#blue lock #bllk #bllk drabbles #bllk fic #bllk fluff #bllk x reader #blue lock drabbles #blue lock fanfiction #blue lock fluff #blue lock x reader #sae itoshi fluff #sae itoshi #sae x reader #sae itoshi x reader #itoshi rin #rin itoshi #rin itoshi fluff #itoshi sae #bllk sae

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invidiia · 2 years ago

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can you do more teenage platonic yandere ones 🙏🙏 i love them bro

one suggestion is them (chuuya, ranpo, dazai, sigma, idek) w a rebellious teenager 🙏🙏🙏🙏

sorry, you've been misinformed.

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ "we appreciate." 𖤐 separate platonic yanderes chuuya, ranpo, dazai, sigma x reader

these mfs cannot deal with rebellious teenagers!!!!

m.list // previous

[ a/n ; HI SILLIES SORRY I DIDNT DO A YANXREADER POST YESTERDAY IDKFKKFKFCX ANYWAY HERES THE PLATONIC YANDERE SILLY PEOPLE ?! ]

[ warning ; platonic yandere, lowkey crack 😭😭, stalking ]

— CHUUYA NAKAHARA

⋆ lord, please give this man the patience to deal with you

⋆ he gets it, he was a rebellious teenager too, but so? he doesn't have time for you to act this way, like at all. probably best to just,, cooperate

⋆ chuuya has to put a lot of time into his job, being an executive and all, so that leaves you a lot of time to go do rebellious teenager shit

⋆ you can imagine it's pretty often he comes back to find you not there, or if you go to school, he'll get calls about you skipping class to go do whatever it was teenagers did when they skipped

⋆ yokohama mall is huge, perfect place to go to have fun and get away from chuuya!! it most definitely ends with you getting dragged out of the mall doors by your collar and shoved into the backseat of the car to go home, but it was fun anyway.

⋆ funny ass little arguments, too. "and if i find out you left when i come back, you'll regret it." "uh-huh, i bet i will." "just shut up and stay here."

⋆ please take him seriously, or at least pretend to, for his own sanity 😭

— RANPO EDOGAWA

⋆ ranpo doesn't take you seriously at all.

⋆ even if he knows you'll actually go do something stupid, he won't take you seriously. and when you go do it, consequences await you anyway 🤷

⋆ no point in keeping secrets, he already knows

⋆ plans to sneak out? getting stuff without permission? anything you keep from him? yeah, he knew already lol

⋆ lowkey draws a line at going against him and doing illegal stuff. committing any kind of crime? lmao no, he'll just keep you with him at all times or something which is probably embarrassing asf

⋆ am i wrong to think he may drag poe into this? maybe, shrug

— OSAMU DAZAI

⋆ he doesn't have time either, i almost feel bad for him

⋆ he's like ranpo actually, has no shame in forcing you almost everywhere with him or leaving you to atsushi which is really evil, poor atsushi

⋆ arguments are funny as hell (for him) probably you yelling and trying to make a point and explain why you do whatever you do or something and dazai just laughing and not listening LMAO

⋆ "that's crazy kid lmao" "i'm trying to make a point, don't fucking call me that."

⋆ doesn't really care about you yelling at him. just forces you everywhere with him

⋆ remember in chuuya's part where you just sneak into yokohama mall to get away from him and have fun? too bad lmao, dazai knew you were coming and followed you anyway!! just when you thought you were finally alone, away from the suffocating presence of dazai and could terrorize the shoppers in peace, nope LOL

⋆ he just tags along with you, keeping a hand on your shoulder and a smile on his face while you just grit your teeth and deal with him. "can we just go home?" "no wayy, didn't you wanna come here?" "not with you."

— SIGMA

⋆ poor guy lmao

⋆ literally has to stop you from terrorizing the customers or damaging the casino somehow

⋆ a little hard to sneak out unless you have an ability or another person to help you

⋆ cue nikolai coming to the casino to bother sigma and then helping you sneak out because it'll annoy sigma and he doesn't care LMAO

⋆ probably ends up locking you in your room because he doesn't trust you enough to keep you with him. sigma learned that from a past mistake he made with you

⋆ "wait, this card is damaged. the game isn't valid, therefore, you need to replay." and then the teenager next to him probably being the one who messed up the card LOL

#bsd x reader #platonic yandere bsd #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #sigma x reader #ranpo x reader #yandere bsd x reader #yandere bsd #yandere bungo stray dogs x reader #yandere bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #platonic yandere

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pascalsbabyispunk · 7 days ago

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Ad Gloriam Rome - Part II

(A Marcus Acacius Fan fiction)

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

Summary: She is trapped in this arranged marriage, forced to play the perfect wife to a retched man who can't do anything for himself, let alone anyone he's supposed to care for. She's hoping for some divine miracle to fix this whole situation she's been forced into. He’s the general of Romes army, never married, known for his brutality on the battlefield, and his gruff handsome looks. He’s never thought about love like this, that is until he sees her. Long dark hair, the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen, and in need of someone who truly can treat her the way she deserves. Will they prevail through the odds, or will it all come crashing down?

w.c: 2369

PART I

Warnings: 18+ content (mdni pls) age gap (marcus is in his 50s reader is in her 20s), eventual smut, some angst, mentions of blood, mentions of abuse, maybe more later

a/n: thank you reading part I lol i really appreciate it <3 this one is longer and maybe drones on a smidge in parts but it'll all make sense later lol also here’s some word meanings if you need them <3

Gladius – typical roman sword

Ientaculum – traditional breakfast

Stola – primary robes for married women

Valetudinaria – temporary medical tent

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

I could hear the rumbling of the army in the distance. They had made it to the outskirts of the city and swiftly made their way in. I was curious if I could see them from the balcony, so I decided to step outside to have a look. Just over the tree line I could make out a few carriages and at least 20 legionnaires, I'm certain there's more of them farther down, but I couldn't see beyond that. My focus was fully on the legionnaires, and I didn't hear Cassius wake up and make his way behind me. “Thinking about them huh? You think that's how you leave me? You think they would take you? Who would possibly want you?” Cassius whispered in my ear. I froze, I didn't know what to say or do but I knew what was coming. He grabbed me by the back of my neck as hard as he could and slammed me against the wall behind us, deliberately pinning me there. “You can’t leave; I forbid it. I will ruin your family’s name; I will ruin you for generations. What makes you think anyone would take you in? You're damaged goods now. You’re just a little pebble beneath everyone's shoe. Unfortunate, you are mine. I own you. I had hoped I'd have a much better bride but i got stuck with the waste.” without even realizing it, I started to cry. I'm not sure if it was the fear of what i thought he might do to me in that moment or the fact that he finally confirmed what I knew all along. He owns me. I shiver ran up my spine and all I could let out was a sad little plea, barely above a whisper “please don’t”.

I closed my eyes waiting for the blow, but it never came, he stepped back from me, watching, just watching and waiting to see what I'd do, but I couldn't move. I could see his face turning red with anger as I stood there. I tried to beg again but he grabbed me by my arm and dragged me through the house, through the halls, right to the entryway where he threw me onto the cold, hard tiled floor as hard as he could. Panting as I sat there, hands firmly planted beside me, afraid to move. Whimpering when I felt the cool metal of an iron gladius on my left shoulder. “Cassius, please. I've done nothing. I was merely observing what was happening. Please” I cried out, praying to any god that might listen to either let me run or to quickly end it there. “I don't believe you, all you do is lie and whine and bitch to yourself because you think your life is so bad. I hear your cries; I hear your incessant pleas to the gods behind those closed doors. I would kill you right here, but I know that's what you want.” he chuckles dryly “it's better to let you stew in fear. All you do is make me look like a fool! You fail to carry my child; you can’t give me an heir. You are worthless to me. Look at me! You are worthless!” he spewed as he looked at me with pure hatred and disgust. I lay there crying again, silently, as I kept looking at him, unsure of what to do anymore. “Wake me when the sun has fully risen and ientaculum is ready.” he said without looking at me as he left to go back to our bedchambers, the gladius still firmly in his hand. All I did was watch the sky as the sun finally reached above the horizon, never moving, not until one of our servants gently touched my shoulder letting me know she's preparing a bath for me before we eat.

As we sat at the table, i didn't eat, I couldn't. Through the entire meal not a word was spoken between us. As the day went on, I tried to keep my distance from him by aimlessly wandering the halls for hours, but when I entered the atrium there Cassius sat, looking at me like i was nothing and he said, “Clean yourself up, we are going to the net city to meet with a man my father wants me to meet.” thankfully that’s all he said as he rose from his bench and left to walk the gardens while he waited. He’s never made me go to meet people with him like this before, He doesn't trust me not to run. Silently, I dragged myself into the dressing room and sat at my vanity, waiting for the servants to do my hair and makeup. One of them pulling out one of my nicer stola’s from my wardrobe, “I think this one will please the men nicely.” Nodding my head after they finished my hair and makeup, I stood up from my place, sighing as they dressed me. when we finished, we met Cassius by the door where he impatiently stood, glaring as soon as he saw me. There was an uneasy silence as we made our way to meet with them. The city was quieter than usual, no loud crowds near vendors, no children chasing dogs down the street. Everyone had heard the fleet arrive, all afraid of leaving the house so they don't risk being grabbed by one of the unruly legionnaires.

We continued to make our way to the next town over and in the distance, we could hear the legion. The camp was down a narrower path to the right of the road, close to the riverfront. It couldn't be completely seen from the road, but I could make out at least 5 different tents, just by the sound alone I assume there must be way more. As we progressed further down the road, a few men could be seen bathing in the river, armor and weapons strewn about, but not far enough away from them that they couldn't grab the stuff in a moment's notice. Seeing them this close to our city made me uneasy, I'm used to seeing the few that patrol the streets but not this many. The feeling only made worse by the fact that we know why they are here, they are here to force men to join them and slaughter those who refuse or stand in their way. I was trying not to watch them too much for fear Cassius would see but it's almost like I couldn't look away. Luckily, he never looked at me, he continued to look over his other shoulder, bored by the journey. After what had felt like hours, we finally arrived at a gorgeous villa sitting atop a hill that overlooked the city. It's much more extravagant than I am used to, Theres not a single house in our city that looks this extravagant. We made our way to the door where a neatly dressed servant led us through the house to the large gardens. There were fruit trees on each side of a large fountain that seemed to be getting some maintenance done. I would have loved to see it while it was in proper working order. Beyond the fountain it looked like there was a path that led down the hill to the river covered by gorgeous tall trees and closed off by an ivy-covered metal gate.

We sat near the fountain waiting for whoever we’re here to meet to join us, Cassius never looking in my direction. When the man finally showed, he was surprised to see me here with Cassius. “I am surprised you brought your wife. This is usually men's talk.” he laughed a laugh that could only be described as rich. “Ah, well we never want to spend a moment apart anymore. You know, young love as they say.” they both laughed again but a chill ran down my entire body. This isn’t love, its imprisonment. “Well, I'll get to business then” was the last thing I heard before I completely zoned out, watching the fruit trees get harvested and watching the men work on the fountain. Thinking about how that path beyond the fountain led to where the legionnaires were. The barbarians could easily follow it up here if they so pleased and ransack the place, destroying the fruit trees and killing whoever they chose. I was stirred from my thoughts when the men rose to go into the house to eat. Cassius and I sat at the left side of the table, he was entertaining some of the other man's family that sat next to him. I had no appetite but tried to eat some bread to not seem rude. The events of last night still leaving a foul taste in my mouth. I'm not sure how long we were sitting there before Cassius grabbed my wrist and announced that we must be leaving now. We were led to our carriage by another servant and made our way home.

Night had fallen and we haven't spoken a word since we got back home. He told me he was staying the study till he decides he's going to sleep for the night. At least that meant I could sit in the courtyard, alone, enjoying the silence and solitude. The sound of the birds final chirping for the day and the wind rustling through the flowers and trees, this is the only thing that can truly silence my thoughts. One of the servants brought me honeyed wine, and some dates stating that Cassius has decided to eat in the study so I'm free to eat out here if i chose. I didn't realize just how hungry I had become, so I ended up eating faster than i intended to. When i was finishing my wine, I could hear the sound of the horses returning with the soldiers in tow for what I assume was them collecting resources in the city. I pulled myself off the bench that had been where I sat for last few hours, dragging my feet into the atrium. I walked back into the bedchambers hoping to bathe when Cassius appeared at the door, “you know, I go easy on you. I treat you better than you’ll ever be worth, and yet, you still don’t see all I do for you.” he twirled the gladius in his hand once again, knowing it scares me now. “I could throw you to the street and let them have their way with you. No one would care; no one wouldn't dare speak to me about it. You’d be left to fight for yourself, and maybe that's what I will do. Maybe that would teach you how to act.” he slowly walked around the room, eyeing me like I'm his prey. “It is your choice; you do as you please with me. I am your wife.” that's all I could croak out in hopes he’d let me be. He raised his empty hand to strike but as I he did yelling at the front of the house abruptly began. It turned to screaming as we heard the servants pleading. Cassius grabbing me to hold in front of him in some attempt to use me as a human shield. Using his sword to press on the front of my neck so I wouldn't dare to run.

He moved us out into the hallway trying to find an exit, as he did a legionnaire turned the corner stopping us dead in our tracks. He didn't speak a word; he didn't need to. Cassius started to state his status as if that would deter him. As he did, a man wearing much nicer armor, rounded the corner to see what the holdup was. It was the general, he spoke the man about how they didn't have time for this, he told him to leave us. Why would the general be here? Recruiting men is beyond him, it should just be troops. He took one look at Cassius and the way he held me in front of him and said “only a tiny, weak man would use his bride as a shield. He’s useless. Force him to surrender and disarm him, if he doesn't comply kill him.” the general was getting ready to turn away when Cassius attempted to push me out of his way so he could swing at him with his gladius, but I ended up farther in front of him than intended, resulting in the blade catching my right shoulder instead of the general like he planned. Before I could feel any pain, I hit floor in a panic, holding onto my shoulder not entirely knowing what had occurred. All I could see in that moment was the blood. There was motion around me, so I started to look around in a frenzy to see what was happening, as I looked up at Cassius, the general struck him through the stomach, dropping him next to me. I watched while holding my shoulder, not knowing once again what to do. “Such a pathetic little boy, what a waste.” the general said looking down at him. Cassius begged me to help him, even crying out for me, I felt nothing other than some form of relief and confusion. “Grab her, she's leverage now. take her to the valetudinaria, they will sew her shoulder there.” I was picked up off the floor, still somehow more gently than Cassius had ever been to me. “I'll return to you when I've cleared the space.” The general told the man. In what felt like a nightmarish dream, I was carried away watching as Cassius laid there on the tilled floor holding his stomach pleading to anyone who might hear him to help. My eyes drifting to the general who seemed to be watching me with intensity. I was placed onto a horse, sitting in front of the legionnaire which then took us back to their camp, a place I never wished to get this close to in my lifetime. I guess I got what I have been begging for, but at what cost? This is a place that no one ever comes back from.

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

thank you for reading....im enjoying writing this so i hope your enjoying it so far oh and the next chapter is in marcus' pov

#marcus acacius #marcus acacias x reader #marcus acacius x you #marcus acacius x female reader #gladiator ll #gladiator 2 #marcus acacius fic #pedro x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal smut #marcus acacius smut

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lilahardell · 2 months ago

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FIRST LOVE ISN'T ALWAYS THE BEST LOVE

Hyunjin x reader

Part 10-7 minutes in heaven?

Please read other parts before this 🤍

TIME SKIP (6-7 days later)

Finally the Christmas holidays were starting and schools were closing Y/n was happy about it, but she also was a tiny bit sad,wanting to spend more time with her friends who she got close to in no time.

Y/n pov-

I was deep in my thoughts outside cafeteria sitting with my food Infront,thinking about the holidays and my plans and how much I'll miss these idiots that I've befriended. Just then my name was called and Hyunjin came rushing,behind him were Tess and yeji, probably flirting and thinking no one's knows like always hyunjin side hugged me and sat beside me "what's up Y/n,zoned out or what?" He said as he kept his arms around my shoulder. Gosh he's been like this ever since the arcade, I wanna say something but he's so cute I can't. "Nothing to be honest,life's boring and holidays are coming up"

Hyunjin nods,as he looks at yeji and Tess flirting "ew get a room" and I chuckle and yeji smacks his arm. "Shut up Mr popular, tell those girls staring at Y/n from the past week to stop or I'll gauge their eyes out" I turned to look and infact some "fans" oh hyunjin looked at me like I was a prey they wanted to hunt and not in a good way.. "it's okay yeji,that's nice of you but who cares about them?" I turn to look at hyunjin our faces close as I speak "look at your favourite girls,staring at you with so much love" I said sarcastically as he pretended to vomit and say "ew never" and we all laughed when I suddenlg remembered my plan

"Guys guys listen" they all turned to me,quite now. "Ok so I was thinking to do a pre Christmas party at my apartment, Soobin already agrees and wants to bring his friends too. Since I only have you 3, you guys should invite other people you like too and make it a full house. It's a free party and I wanna spend time with y'all before I go back home for holidays. Yeji and Tess as soon as I'm done talking squel lightly excited "omg yah that's gonna be so fun, I'll invite many people" then I turned to Hyunjin and he said "yeah it'll be fun, I'm definitely down. Idc about those two, but oh god it's not Christmas themed is it?"

I shake my head to a no but say "well if you wanna wear Christmas PJs I really wouldn't mind Mr popular" he replies "oh yeah? I'm sure you wouldn't but it's not fun wearing it alone. Maybe if you match with me I'll think about it" I chuckled "yeah sure, buy matching PJs for us huh?" Before hyunjin could reply yeji coughed very loudly and obviously "sooo,that's what's going on huh? I mean why just matching PJs? Maybe a matching bracelet and ring and oh don't forget the fake marriage!" Everyone just laughed at her sarcasm, but I know she's not letting it go. She's like in love with shipping us lol.

TIME SKIP( on the party day)

The apartment was filled with people,music,big crowds and lots of dancing. People were having fun. The party was in full swing—music blasting, people talking over one another, cheap drinks in red cups being passed around. The air smelled like a mix of alcohol, perfume etc.

Y/n pov-

I was getting ready in the washroom, doing my final touches as the door slid open and I got crushed by my two favourite girls Yeji and Tess

their eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Oh my God, you look so pretty, love," Yeji gushed, hugging me tightly. "My brother is going to die for you today."

I chuckled, putting on my earrings. "Gosh, Yeji, you're obsessed with that."

Tess nodded, grinning. "She's not wrong, though. I mean, look at you" and nothing new Tess and Y/n flirt jokingly like they always do.

We all get out of my room, and the girls leave to get the cheap drinks people bought with fake IDs

I didn't want to but it happened and I found myself looking for two specific people. Felix and Hyunjin. With how Felix was talking on the calls it felt like he might not even be here and ditch me he's been avoiding me for awhile and I can see it clearly. It hurts, like really bad. Too bad. But I try my best to not think about it as I obviously have to get over him, I need to explore I can't be tied to my bestfriend hoping he would like me back when he obviously just sees me as a friend. I can't wait and be pathetic anymore, I have a life. After all, we're just friends. As I was thinking about this, I heard my name and I saw Felix calling me, I walked over to him and hugged him softly "yah I thought you wouldn't even come, I thought you ditched me for "work" again" Felix chuckled softly "yeah I'm sorry but you know me I can't miss my bestfriends party" . We talk about lots of random things,work,school, his life in Korea blah blah but I could tell very clearly that Felix was not in the conversation and thinking about other things. "Felix, stop" he got a confused face on,"huh?" "You're pretending, you can tell me anything Felix what's bothering you?" Felix just fake smiled "no no not at all , im just stressed I mean I'm not even getting a holiday from work, Im sorry I didn't mean to-"

As he was saying so, I heard my name really loud, and turned over to see hyunjin.

Hyunjin pov(before the party)

Gosh I feel like a pathetic bitch right now, im so stupid it's just a random party why am I nervous?. I don't like this god. You know what it's fine I'll just wear a random shirt and go on,it's just a normal party at Y/n's house.

Few moments later.

Yeah so I said I'll wear a random outfit but I pulled out my favourite jacket from the suitcase...god I hate myself.

(The outfit people+pay attention to jacket for next chapter)

After I finished putting on my perfume, I looked to the side table beside my bed and thought it I should take it or not. I bought matching PJs cuz they were cute and on sale, it wasn't like I needed to match with her or I even expected her to wear it or something. *Totally not lying*

AT THE PARTY*

The second I walked in, my eyes immediately started searching for her.

I wasn’t even thinking. It was just instinct at this point.

And then I saw her.

Oh my god... She looks unreal..It was like the music,the people all fades in the back as I could focus only on her.

The outfit she's wearing,you can change it to your liking!)

She was standing there, talking to Felix, her head tilted slightly, eyes warm but holding something behind them. Something distant. Something sad.

But fuck, she looked unreal.

Her hair framed her face perfectly, her lips curled in the slightest pout as she listened to Felix. The outfit she was wearing—God. She had no idea what she did to me. No idea how effortlessly she made my heart race. I should have waited. Should have given them at least a chance to finish their conversation ,but I couldn't.

In a flash, I was pushing my way through people, making my way straight towards her as hugging her tightly,my hands on her waist, as she hugged me back,her arms on my shoulder and she pulled back hitting my arm "yah where were you idiot? The girls came So long ago" I chuckled, pulling back just a little but my hands automatically go to hers, "I'm sorry but I was making sure I look good for you" she smiled lightly "yeah? Well it worked you do look good".

My heart stopped.

I realized she hadn't said anything deep. But even so—I was completely gone over her.

Felix shifted sharply back before I could even make a comment.His face was calm, but there was something odd in the fact that he did not speak or turn back.Lilah hesitated, eyes still on him. But I wasn't about to let Felix ruin this.

I took her hand. "Come on," I said, leading her into the crowd.She blinked at me. "Where?" "To play a game," I replied, smiling. "Obviously." She said with a knowing sigh.

Hyunjin pov end.

Yeji,Tess,Kevin,keeho,Lia, lily,Yeonjun,soobin, Ricky,and her and Hyunjin, they all sat down and Tess being Tess suggested to play 7 minutes in heaven

Felix pov-

As soon as everyone Suggested to play 7 minutes in heaven, I knew i was done for. I started praying to God that I don't get stuck in a cramped closet with anyone except Y/n. Then suddenly Keeho suggested that we don't spin the bottle and pick the people who should go inside, and oh God I knew it already. It would be Y/n and Hyunjin who get picked,these friends who ship them did not make it NOT obvious. But hey.. she looks happy with him and it's not like I have any rights to ask her to stop. After all we are just friends.

felix pov end.

As everyone said Hyunjin and Y/n's name,they both were denying it at first but the friends didn't care and we're pushing them both towards the closet. Finally They agreed and got inside.

Y/n shifted uncomfortably in the small space, her shoulder brushing against Hyunjin’s arm as the door shut behind them.The silence descends. She moves a little, and he glances at the way her lips open as she takes a breath. Shit.

The air appears to hum. Neither of them moves, yet the tension can be felt.

she could hear his heartbeat—or maybe it was just hers. His scent, warm and slightly musky, filled the air, and she was oddly superaware of how just how close they were.Hyunjin," she started, her voice more gentle than she intended, "why do you look like you'd rather be anywhere else?"

He stood in front of her, his lips opening as to say something but before he could. Y/n yelled scared,saying there's something crawling around and she could feel it "wtf omg what is that!it's crawling is it a cockroach!??I'm scared shitless of cockroaches fuck" Y/n didn't wait. She didn't hesitate.

She gave a weak yelp, flinging herself at Hyunjin, her face pressed against his chest and her arms grasping his shirt.Hyunjin tensed up. His breathing caught, his hands automatically going to her waist, gripping her firmly.It's likely just—" He cut himself off, suddenly aware that Lilah was pushed hard against him, her warmth seeping through his shirt.

He gulped hard. "Lilah…?"

She shook her head against him. "Nope. Not moving." Hyunjin exhaled unsteadily, one hand still at her waist, the other hand resting lightly on her back. His heart was pounding—whether due to the impromptu cockroach encounter or the fact that Lilah was practically clinging to him, he had no idea.

“Okay,” he murmured, his voice softer now. “But you do realize you’re crushing me, right?"I don't care," she snarled, her fingers digging into the material of his shirt even deeper.Hyunjin let out a gentle laugh, his hand involuntarily clenching at her waist. "You're really afraid of a tiny bug?"She at last drew back a little, far enough to scowl up at him. "Excuse me, it has legs and it moves."He smiled. "That's how bugs usually function, yeah.She huffed, preparing to reply with something equally snarky—then she noticed how close they were. Hyunjin's hands remained at her waist, his fingers tight but gentle. Soft light created soft shadows on his angular face, his lips parted slightly as he gazed down at her. Their faces were inches from each other, close enough that she could feel his breath on her cheek.Something shifted in his expression. His usual teasing smirk was gone, replaced with something unreadable—something intense.

Y/n's breath hitched.For a moment, they did not move. They did not speak.

Then—

The door to the closet swinged open

"Alright, time's up—OH MY GOD."

The flash of light startled them both, and they jumped and recoiled from each other, Y/n falling backward against the wall while Hyunjin pushed a hand through his hair, attempting to play it way cooler than he was.Their friends burst out laughing, teasing them relentlessly. Y/n, still upset, brushed past them, avoiding everyone's eyes..

HII lovesss!!! Ok I'm back I know I took a writers block and I'm sorry. I really had no ideas and suddenly I have like the most ideas in the world?? I'm so grateful to the ones who have been reading, please continue to the other parts I'm gonna be publishing In some days! It's Ramadan and I'm getting closer to God as well as writing, please support. Mwahhh I love you guys,thanks for reading 🤍🩷

#felix #stray kids #fanfic #hyunjin #original story #kpop boys #hyunjin x reader #kpop #kpop fanfic #skz #skz x reader #party #7 minutes in heaven #christmas #please read

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scaryscarecrows · 7 months ago

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I’ve been thinking, and I need some Riley suffering with the squad. Let him be the one who gets shot and drugged (with like fear gas) and goes crazy and has to be held down. Maybe his position as a sniper leaves him out in the open and his comms get damaged so he can’t ping anyone for help?

I will take any Riley suffering lol

My brain is like ‘I want suffering so bad’ but I don’t want to put Jason through anymore and I feel like Riley hasn’t had near enough.

I already lost a tongue! God! Leave me alone!-Riley

Suffering under the cut.

"Jesus--" The boss pulls back behind a building just in time to avoid getting his head blown off. "Okay. Okay. This is really bad."

"At least he's focused on us rather than, like, mass murder," Trent mutters. "What do we do now?"

The boss hums.

"How do you feel about playing chicken?"

Oh. He doesn't want to, not really, but right now Riley's got himself a position three stories up, and Trent's not a big fan of rooftop travel or parkour. Fuck parkour.

"I guess."

"Good luck."

The boss makes a jump for the fire escape, grabs on, and disappears into the dark. Trent sighs, vows to haunt Riley's trigger-happy ass if he dies, and pokes his head out.

Riley's the sniper for a reason: he's fast and has good aim. Scarecrow--that sonofabitch, Trent's not surprised he turned on them but still--had been counting on it. There'd been a moment of hope that maybe, just maybe, Riley would have a panic attack. It's mean, but it would've been easier to handle. But he hadn't; he'd brought the Knight down flat and fled to the high ground, and now they're kinda. Well. Pinned.

Trent pulls his head back just as Riley takes a shot at him. No sign of the Knight, but that's good, that's fine.

He gives it a few seconds before popping out again. This time he spots the boss make a jump to the top of a utility closet behind Riley--

--and Riley also notices.

He spins around, bringing up his rifle, but the Knight's already moving. They hit the ground hard, rifle skittering away, and Riley screeches. It's a shrill, furious noise tinged with panic that Trent can hear all the way down here.

"Dylan, listen to me," the Knight pants over the coms. From here, Trent can see Riley trying his damndest to stab him. "It's not real, none of this is real, just calm down--"

Riley squirms free and lunges, but it's sloppy. The Knight grabs him in a bear hug and hauls him off the ground. There's another screech, layered in real life and in Trent's earpiece, and he tries to jerk free.

"Dammit--hold still--"

Riley half-crawls out of the Knight's grasp before the boss manages to readjust, wrapping his legs around Riley's and bringing them both to the ground.

"Ages! I need you up here, he's--"

Fuck parkour.

Just 'cause he doesn't like it doesn't mean he can't, though, and he makes his way up there as fast as he can. Riley's putting up a helluva fight, thrashing and shrieking and trying to bite, elbow, and kick. The Knight's got a decent enough hold on him, but it's a hard-won one and if he moves, even a little, Riley will get an opening.

"Take him, I've got something that'll ease the symptoms," the Knight pants. "Watch the teeth, watch the teeth!"

Trent grabs him. Riley tries to twist around and bite his face off, but the Knight's suddenly in their space with what looks like an epi-pen in hand.

That makes it worse. Riley blanches and manages, somehow, to double his escape efforts. But unfortunately for him, Trent isn't budging and the boss forces his head to the side, exposing his neck, and stabs him with the epi-pen.

It takes a few minutes. Not long. But a few. But it works; Riley finally stops struggling and slumps forward, gasping for breath, and to Trent's infinite horror, he realises that he's crying and trying, to no avail, to speak.

"It'll wear off, man," he murmurs. "Scarecrow got you good, it's all right. S'all right."

Whatever the Knight gave him--or maybe it's just exhaustion--puts him out at last and he hangs limply like a doll. The boss sighs.

"Back to base. Change of plans. We hunt down Scarecrow and deal with this mess, and then proceed as planned."

#asks #riley dylan

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regular-lord-reckoner · 2 months ago

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i spent a good chunk of yesterday and today feeling highly stressed due to my own idiocy so let me regale you with that tale, shall i?

so, my classes are stating this week and like any good procrastinator i didn't log in to check on things until yesterday where upon entering the digital campus i realized i...only saw one of my courses being displayed ??

and me being who i am, i naturally start freaking out because what the fuck, what do you mean, where did it go, oh god oh god, this was a mistake, oh shit

anyway, that went on for a while until i calmed down enough to think, "let me just log into my email and see what's going on" because i know i tripled checked my registration and made sure both of my classes were there, so what gives?

welllllll for whatever reason, the password that was autosaved for my email (same one i'd written down in my notes app on my phone) was not working

so that kinda enhanced the panic, but i was like, "it's fine, it's fine, i'll just reset it and then we'll be fine" well......

in my frenzied state i barely registered a warning after i reset my password telling me to wait an hour before trying to log in so naturally i take my new shiny password and immediately start trying to beat down the doors of my wretched email account with it only to, ripley's believe it or not, not be able to get in !!

i'm feeling especially antsy at this point but am also like...still at work, so eventually i'm like, "ok fuck it, i'm just going to leave this alone for a few hours and come back and try again" so i did just that only to find that...nope, still didn't work !!

SO i reset the password again but this time i decide to actually follow the instructions and y'know...wait at least an hour before trying to log in, so i go back to my work and try not to think about it and after a few hours i was finally done with that (although apparently so preoccupied i forgot to clock out, lol. i put in a punch request to fix it so we're all good, but christ was i distracted apparently XD) and thankfully by that time my new, new password was finally working so...yippee !!

only...no yipee because as soon as i got in there i realized i had not one, but two fucking emails telling me that that course had been canceled and that i could try to enroll in another one before march 12th so uh....panic back in full swing !!

i did try to still enroll anyway because i could see there was a class that was still open, but every time i tried it just bumped me to another screen where i had to verify all this information i'd already verified the first time i signed up for classes so i figured the door to that was probably just shut for good and that was the page it would automatically redirect to instead and decided to just accept my fate

i'd actually gotten to a point of being like, "well, okay, this kinda throws off the timetable i had in my mind, but maybe it'll be better this way if i just take one class right now, at least to get me started because two might be too overwhelming right now anyway..." and i was slowly accepting that until about 3:30 last night when i woke up in a panic because i realized that class was actually the first one i'm supposed to take for the program so....y'know, neat !! awesome !! i love when i just....fuck everything up, i love it !!

had to just sorta scroll around on my phone for about an hour before i could get back to sleep because i needed to distract myself from the bad feelings of my utter fuck up BUT this story does have a happy ending !!

you see i also just so happened to have a meeting with one of my student advisors today just so we could check in before classes start and so i told him about my fuck up and he was like, "oh, you should still be able to enroll !"

as it turned out that screen it kept redirecting me to is something that's going to pop up every time i try to enroll in classes and he said there was a part at the bottom of the page to check off that i'd verified everything (it already says verified next to each tab after i visit it, but there's a whole extra button to press and in my defense...it was worded kinda weird to where it said something like "is all of this information correct ?" but the checkbox said no with no other option and yet when i clicked it it turned to yes and then finally let me back into the enrollment thing instead of into an editing feature like i just assumed it would so.....there's that; i love when things are needlessly unintuitive, it's my favorite !!)

so yeah, after figuring that out i am now indeed enrolled in both classes once more and fortunately that one doesn't start until monday so i have some time to go over any materials i need to look over and complete any assignments before class starts

my other class actually starts tomorrow so i've already looked over my stuff and posted on the discussion board (just a little "hey, here's me and my pronouns what classes i'm taking" thing) and so i think i'm finally ready to do this damn thing !!

it's just kinda funny because i was already nervous enough as is about all of this, but it's nice to know that my own stupidity will always be there to make sure that an already stressful situation can be somehow even more stressful !! (also i know i'm not actually an idiot, i'm just ribbing on myself for making a silly mistake, this is all in good fun)

hopefully everything from here on out will be smooth sailing and as nervous as i am to wade into uncertain waters i'm also still pretty excited

i mean, yeah, i think i picked probably the absolute worst fucking time i possibly could have to decide to become a librarian and there may not be any sort of career in it for me when i get done, but it still feels like the right thing to do so i'm going to follow that impulse until i hit an actual brick wall, i guess

in the mean time, i've been visiting my local library more and have been checking out some books from there and the last time i was there i asked if there was anything i could do to support them with everything going on right now and the person i spoke to gave me an application to become a volunteer so i turned that in on saturday and am now just anxiously awaiting to see if i get approved because i figure it nothing else let me try to do some good now and also go ahead and get as much experience as i can because working alongside the library is eventually going to be part of this program, so the sooner i start the better

there's a large part of me that's just kicking my own ass for not having done all of this sooner, but i recognize that i can't go back to the past and change things so i'm just going to continue on this path and see where it takes me while hoping for the best !

anyway, i hope if you've read this far you've enjoyed this somewhat amusing tale and let this be a reminder to check your dang email !!! (i also haven't been checking one of my personal emails and didn't realize my antivirus software was about to upgrade to the tune of almost $50 that nearly overdrew my account so....i really need to do better about staying on top of these stupid little electronic pieces of mail....)

i also hope if you're reading this that your week is free from as much stress as possible and that you get a good piece of news soon !

i'm gonna go to bed now because i've slept like shit that past few nights and my class is from 9 pm to 11 pm so i'm gonna need all the rest i can get. see ya !! <3

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movedtoacolorlessworld · 5 months ago

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Funni ahh idea (blame the server lol)

Sun goes into the mortal world (for whatever reason), gets cornered by thugs but he can't use his powers in a crowded area or else it'll be too damaging, then WV comes in, almost out of nowhere (he basically drops down from the sky ig) and then solos all the thugs

Don't @ me, y'all lead me to this idea

yeah alright sure

———

Third Sun thought that maybe visiting the living world would be a great idea.

Well, he thought wrong.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell us how to ascend to Godhood!"

"It's not like I'll even tell you to begin with! Even I don't know!"

"Shut the hell up! We know your past! Now tell us, how do you ascend to Godhood?!"

Third Sun could tell these group of absolute madmen only want power, and would go as far as to hurt him just for it. The fact that they know a past that he had long forgotten by now concerns him too. Third Sun doesn't dwell any further—he summons a fire ball and charges right at the group of thugs.

But even if he successfully took them down, they'll always end up trying to get back up to strike again. Third Sun feels tempted to up his game and fight more, but he knows that if he even tries to fight back even more, then he'll end up causing way more damage than he had hoped for.

Now feeling powerless, Third Sun pants and doubles down in exhaustion. The group of thugs surrounds him, about ready to deal with the final blow that'll take him down for good. "If you're really not gonna tell us your precious secret, then we'll just ask someone else." One of them said, before another one pipes up, "Not before we take you down first! Hehehe!"

"Agh- no, no...I...I don't think that's necessary...!"

"Well you weren't going to tell us no matter how much we pester you, anyways. Hey, let's get him!"

"Let's!"

"No...no-"

"I'm not letting you people FUCKING HURT HIM!"

In an instant, someone appears infront of the sun, before quickly striking towards the group with elegance. Third Sun watches him amidst his feeling of exhaustion and the chaos going on around him. He could hear some screams of pain from the thugs, and some other rapid footsteps from further way, probably indicating that some of them ran off out of fear.

Eventually, after much time has passed, all of them are down, leaving out some of the others who ran away from the scene. "Never do that ever again." World Vanquisher whispers to one of them in a low voice, sending shivers down the thug's spine. "Y-yes, sir! Sorry, sir!" He then leaves them alone, before turning his attention towards Third Sun.

"Hey, you good?"

"...Uh...yeah! A little exhausted- they were- literally gonna fucking kill me- ah..."

Hearing that, Vanquisher frowns. "Calm yourself down a little bit. You're alright now, don't worry about it. I got you covered." He says reassuringly, before quickly adding, "I should probably tell Abyssgazer to send these guys over to the Realm of the Almighty later."

He quickly approaches Third Sun, before finally, crouching down to his level. "Uh...thanks." Third Sun says, a weak smile on his face as he could feel World Vanquisher's hands on his shoulders, rubbing them in an (awkward) attempt to calm him down. "Yeah, no problem. After all, if they end up actually getting rid of you, then who the hell is gonna annoy me everyday?"

Hearing that made Third Sun feel like he's tearing up. He wouldn't have thought that his presence impacted World Vanquisher so much to the point where if he's gone, Vanquisher would feel like something's missing. He feels...a little more wanted now, if anything.

"...Heh. You're right. I didn't think you'd miss me that much if I was gone~"

"Oh shut up. I'm only saying that because it'd feel wrong without you in general. What about Ad Astra and Moonlight??"

"Haha, yeah, yeah~ Sorry, Van~"

#arthesia answers asks and shit #(writing)hesia #arthesias ocs #rhymix: writing #and then there were three of them: third sun (oc)#let it all cease to exist: world vanquisher (oc)#ship tag: vanquishing the sun #+ mentioned moonstra ig lol #and mentioned a.byssgazer #lolzzzz

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sunsetwaltz · 6 months ago

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[Rough Thoughts on Finale - General Spoilers]

FIN at around 110h. (Minus an hour or two spent in photo mode or leaving the game idle lol)

And I'm STILL missing 2 achievements 😩 At least only one of them requires more exploration.

Warning: Mainly negative impressions below.

More than anything, I think I'm relieved the game's finally over for me. Unfortunately I stumbled on a number spoilers on the way (my fault tbh), so things didn't hit as hard as they could've. It's fine; I just wish the music had been more intense and emotionally stirring. The scenes could've really used that extra oomph - the voice acting and visuals alone weren't enough imo. It's a bit sad when the "best" part of the music was the recognisable DAI tracks.

Although the final fight(s) and ending were more definitive than the Inquisition's (base game) finale, I felt kind of...idk ambivalent as I watched the last scenes roll? Like "That's it? Hmm. I see." I couldn't muster the joy or celebratory mood or even bittersweet feelings I'd expected to come with closing a nearly decade-long chapter.

Honestly it felt a little surreal. My whole playthrough had been laced with an undercurrent of (unsurprising) disappointment and "it could've / should've been like this" thoughts, so maybe I should thank my stars the ending didn't bring any more disappointment.

Part of me can't help but remember the emotional reactions I had after finishing DA2, DAI / Trespasser, ME3 or even other games like FFXIV (incl DT). Now those games had elicited strong emotions. They had higher highs and lower emotional lows; any disappointment I had with those games was felt more keenly because the journey had been full of surprises and many joys. Whereas with DA:V, my journey has mainly been like a steady line? There were things I liked in DA:V and everything else was lacklustre tbh. It was missing the emotional rollercoaster and adventure I'd craved from Thedas :/

Don't get me wrong I did enjoy playing DA:V - I wouldn't have continued otherwise. But would I recommend this game at full price? No. I don't regret playing it but I can't in good conscience suggest someone else do so when at its core DA:V is missing the essential "DA" ingredients - compelling nuanced writing, world building and party characters.

DA:V may borrow names from the DA world of Thedas but it doesn't feel like Thedas - these names feel little more than set dressing or props. Like many have expounded before me, by "playing it safe" with the writing the devs stripped away the immersive things players loved about DA. Too many times did DA:V's script feel too superficial, too casually modern and too insincere(?) in regards to the previous games' established worldbuilding. Quantity over quality, new player experience and cinematics over roleplaying seemed like BW / EA's main priorities. Y'know instead of the DA fans who have been waiting ages for this game after being left on a major cliffhanger. Everything elf-related (incl. the veil jumper Rook experience) felt like a "token effort" at best; I can't imagine how much worse it'd be to play as a qunari or LoF.

I could go into the specifics of what I liked vs. disliked and properly discuss the major story beats (or even Act 3 alone), but I'll stop now. Time to head to bed and maybe later I can think about watching the game's other possible endings(?), romances, etc. It'll be interesting to see the other choices - and if Neve still feels like the game's deuteragonist (or the devs' pet favourite) when she's not y'know "chosen".

TL;DR I'm annoyed some of the appearances / transmog are bugged (i.e. locked despite having completed the requisite quest, etc). I hope they actually fix it and add a golden nug feature too 😔

#oops this is really rambly #lyna plays datv #da:v #datv spoilers #da spoilers #DA:V critical

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supernovasolace · 2 years ago

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Today feels rich with possibilities but also...bittersweet.

I came out to my brothers a few days ago. It's been a while since our last visit, and I'm seeing them for the youngest's birthday today. I'm still nervous about COVID but we are testing/masking, and I'm bringing my Aranet so I can make a case for opening some windows at least. It's so hard to go anywhere without worrying it'll be the place my luck runs out. But I am trying to balance my caution and make space for other important things too.

Anyways, my brothers aren't normally big texters (we mostly just share memes back and forth lol) but they both heart reacted to my message about my name/pronouns, so I'm taking that as a positive sign. They seem like they'll both be cool, but they're probably also concerned about what's going to happen with our parents. Which is fair.

We grew up in an abusive and controlling home, and it wasn't safe to show weakness or admit our struggles, let alone talk about them openly or without judgment. So while I was already being vulnerable in coming out, I took the opportunity to explicitly state this. I told them I was going to therapy, and invited them to talk to me if there's ever anything hard that they need to talk to someone about. I told them that unlike our parents, my love for them is unconditional and that nothing could change how I see them. I know they're probably not going to take me up on the offer anytime soon, but I hope they remember the seeds I've been planting when they need a confidant. It was a big step, but I am proud of myself for opening up. In order for things to change, someone always has to take the first leap of faith. This time it was just my turn, and I didn't flinch.

Sometimes I feel like I'm behind in life compared to my younger siblings. They both have careers, are in good health, have better relationships with our parents, and survived our upbringing more unscathed due to being AMAB. As the eldest, I always tried to protect them and take the brunt of things when our parents were at their worst, and for the most part I succeeded. My brothers got to have much more of a childhood than I ever did and I'm thankful for that. But they've still been through shit no one should go through. When they were little, I did what I could to draw attention off them. And they've seen me hide bruises that would have been theirs. We've been through shit together that would leave scars on anyone.

And then I think about all our extended family, most of whom also grew up in abusive environments. Many are so transparently haunted by their past and spend their whole lives avoiding uncomfortable conversations. Trauma has had a history in our family for generations, and I've watched so many of them hide it away, letting it fester until it whittled them away into hollow shells. And when I think of my extended family, I think maybe the best thing I can give my brothers is an example of what it looks like to fight your demons and win.

It's taken me 28 years to get myself into therapy, and I'm so fucking proud of myself for finally making it happen. I've been wanting to go for years, but I was scared I wouldn't be able to find a provider who would have broad enough competency to help me sort through everything I've been through. But the therapist I found is perfect for me in every way. They've been through many of the same struggles that I've been through, and we even have the same birthday. I feel safe with them, and weekly sessions have given me some structure and stability that I've really needed lately. It's hard for me to ask for help, and it's hard for me to trust that resources will remain available for me to depend on because I've lost them so many times. But I have been pushing against those fears because I know this will be good for me, and I told myself this time felt different.

That is, until I got an email last night that my therapist is suspending their services due to my insurer no longer approving them as a provider. They're appealing the decision, but there's no telling how long the process will take or if it'll be successful. And they can't see me in the meantime unless I can afford to self-pay (which I can't). There's a good chance I'll be losing my access to therapy through this provider permanently. And at this point, they're irreplaceable to me, so I don't know what to do.

I'm trying desperately to remain hopeful about it, but this sudden turn of events has given me whiplash and I'm feeling heartbroken over the possibility of losing my therapist. It's not their fault, and there's nothing anyone can do but wait for the appeal process. This has been very triggering for my medical trauma as well, as quite often I lose access to important treatments or providers due to bullshit, pointlessly cruel insurance bureaucracy. I really felt like this time was going to be different. I thought I was going to be able to depend on my therapist for support as I prepare to come out to my non-affirming parents. And if I'm honest with myself, I really really need to keep seeing them. I'm cautiously optimistic about seeing my brothers tonight, but I was excited to share about how it goes with my therapist on Thursday. Now I'm feeling more nervous because I know no matter how tonight goes, I won't be getting a session this week to process.

I'm having a hard time not feeling like the rug is being pulled out from under me yet again. Part of me feels silly for expecting any better, part of me is despondent and scared, and another part of me is absolutely furious about being trapped in a hell country with systems and policies like this. Above all else, it just feels deeply unfair. I've already survived so much, and even just a few weeks of sessions has been life-changing. I don't think that access to therapy is too much to ask for. And I shouldn't be spending my Saturday night crying because I might lose my best shot at healing when I've only just gotten started.

So I guess I'm putting all these messy feelings on here, because they have to go somewhere. And the one person I want to talk to about it can't see me. I hope this ends up being a speed bump rather than a road block, but only time will tell. I'll keep fighting regardless, but for now, I'm fucking bummed. And taking some time to hold space for that feels right. I think my therapist would agree, and I hope I get to talk with them about life again someday soon.

#musings #coming out #trauma recovery #therapy #at least since my appointment is canceled i will be able to accompany my partner to his vasectomy consultation this week #so that's something #trying to stay positive #medical trauma tw #inaccessibility tw #abuse tw

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ccloudyapplejuice · 2 months ago

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シャボン/ Soap Bubbles by Nanashi Hachiya [ANALYSIS, part 3]

so this is all the parts at the end

bridge:

"don't hurt anyone.

connect with kindness.

let's wash off this miserable heart."

it's unclear which one's saying this but i'm pretty sure it's boy 2. he's like.. you shouldn't hurt her by continuing. and you won't if you're respectful and kind about how you go about resolving this.

(pre-)chorus:

"on this stage i always wished for, i just want to sing the way i like,

since i don't want to know anything about it.

everone can save someone with their singing voice.

bye bye now, it'll be washed away by the water."

pretty self-explanatory by now lol. just put it here for the translation.

if someone could tell me what they're standing behind, i'd like that. because i can't seem to figure out what it is

chorus:

"on this stage i always wished for, i just want to sing the way i like,

nobody needs any sadness

and, so, please wrap it all up with a password.

now let's flush away all the germs into the water.

say goodbye to heartbreak, rinse it off with water."

ok ok someone on the vocaloid wiki someone pointed out (thank you) that 合言葉 (aikotoba), password / secret phrase, can also be written as 愛言葉, words of love. so the secret phrase in question is love!

he's saying that he will lock away all the sadness and it can only be opened with a password (maybe like a trigger word). i think overall it's just to covey the fact that the sadness is being locked in this metaphorical password-protected vault. so it won't come back out! (at least it shouldn't)

these bad feelings i've been going on about are sadness and heartbreak, then. if he's feeling heartbroken, it implies it's more something that his girlfriend has done to him rather than something he did to her. he might actually feel some love towards her unless it's the general feeling you get when wanting to leave a relationship.

post-chorus

"pure white soap, soap, let's bubble up!

since i can only hold a pure love in my hands.

soap, soap, this heart;

i entrust you and you alone to wrap it."

same as before.. UNTIL.

"will you wrap me up too someday?"

he wants to be in a relationship with him in the future 🤯🤯🤯🤯

KARIN'S FINAL IMPRESSION

boy 1 has a girlfriend, someone who had saved him from some sort of incident in the past. but he's not exactly on the best of terms with her anymore, and now he's feeling sad and heartbroken. he's chasing a love that doesn't exist. he's been going to this diner and talks to one of the waiters, boy 2, who gives him advice.

and then they kissed 😘😘😘💏💏💏💋👄

#nanashi hachiya #vocaloid #hatsune miku

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sketchehm · 2 months ago

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Ok here are what I had labeled "bonus stuff" which were basically small snippets of different kind of scenarios...? Yea!

Anyways this is the rest of my storytime 1 notes!

-- bonus stuff 1?---

Dream going back to main smp just duckling Tommy lol

Has to be after Dream is semi decent at defending, he's still really anxious with weapons but can actually wield them for a bit before panicking.

Tommy wanted to visit snowchester crew, ranboo has been staying with tubbo at Techno suggestion when he yoinked Dream lol

Tommy wants to introduce new Dream to Tubbo, hoping it'll go well (is kinda doing it without others knowing and lied to Dream saying the others knew, dream was really nervous going back to main smp but super trusts tommy)

Since it's usually desolate in the main area, they didn't run into anyone but dream just looked at the ground and was just holding onto Tommy's arm as life support basically pft. Tommy kinda worried cause he wanted to show Dream what he's missed. Hoping it'll help him act less anxious and stuff(he kinda misses the confident dream who laughs and teases around).

They get to snowchester through a more convoluted path to avoid the prison(hype train maybe?) Either way, they get to snowchester. Tommy beforehand had said he was bringing a suprise over to Tubbo and Ranboo and to be waiting outside the mansion.

Dream is still looking at the ground when they finally near and hears tubbo first, asking who's that? Dream starts shaking a little(Tommy grips him a lil tighter as assurance) before Tommy could answer/explain, ranboo recognizes and just shout Dream?? Needle drop moment.

Tubbo gets kinda hostile and panicky and so does ranboo(both of them, while moved on, haven't really healed)

Tommy trying to calm them down and explain but there is too much shouting and dream is starting to shut down until tubbo is kinda rough with Tommy trying to pull him away from Dream and dream just *acts*. Pulls out the axe he was given by Tommy, its only stone(that's as far as they made it so far with training). He doesn't necessarily attack tubbo, but does reflect/push tubbo back and pull Tommy back to him. It makes everyone freeze and once Dream is back in his uh...'right mind',, he just drops the ax and has a panic attack. Starts apologizing and clings to Tommy leg, saying he's still bad and didn't mean it and "don't leave me alone please, not the room please, I'm sorry I'm bad, I'll get better I promise, I love you please *please*" and so on and so forth. Tubbo and ranboo kinda still in shock but see the fond face Tommy has, dark possessive eyes looking down at dreams groveling. He bends down and starts petting dreams hair and holding his face to make eye contact, just starts soothing him and helping him breathe again. Telling him he did a good job protecting him and praising him, saying it's his first time and that it's alright. No room and that he'll get techno to make him hot coco and wilbur to sing him a song when they get back for being so brave. That Phil will be so proud cause he did a good form and didn't even struggle with it.

Tubbo and ranboo just seeing this and tubbo finally speaks up, dream flinching and apologizing again, Tommy going back to reassuring Dream. Tells tubbo and ranboo to go inside and that he'll explain after he calms down dream.

Dream takes a long while though, but Tommy is patient, reminds him of when tubbo and ranboo had to help him a lot after his last death. Kinda laughs to himself how the tables have turned. Mentions to dream how theyre gonna have to have a family talk about how dream thinks of himself again and dream gets a little embarrassed by that, makes him feel better though. After dream is just sniffling, asks if he's ready to go inside someplace warmer, to make sure he doesn't get sick. Dream just nods, always agreeing with Tommy, and clings to him again, basically trying to hide behind him once they finally enter. Tubbo has Michael in his lap, they're just messing around and ranboo is right next to them, close. They see both of them enter and tubbo just gets more protective of Michael, hugs him closer, Michael can sense the tension in the air.

Tommy and Dream sit down, really funny to see Dream trying to hide his face in Tommy's shoulder, clinging to his arm, eyes and nose still red/swollen from crying, looks really exhausted now. Tommy whispers to dream to just rest and dream just nods.

Michael not paying attention, it's boring grown up talk but he's worried about Dream(doesn't really know who he is, has heard his dad's cry and be sad cause of Dream though).

Tommy explains the jist of what happened(not really explaining the whole manipulating bits) saying techno broke him out and was helping him recover and that he was in a really fucked up place cause he was tortured and since Tommy went through exile, was able to relate in a way. Unfortunately(fortunately for tommy), dream got attached to Tommy but in a different sense and can't really function without being by Tommy's side. Tubbo says that's fucked and is sorry Tommy has to live with his abuser like that and it must be difficult, but Tommy goes on to say he finds it endearing kinda, dream is a completely different person, it's hard to remember him as the guy who put him through exile, that it's helped him heal in a weird way. Ranboo asks if thats really healthy, for both parties. Tommy shrugs and says he's been feeling great and that Dream is slowly getting better too, that's why they're out and about the main area and bringing him over to meet tubbo and ranboo, cause he's been good and thought it'd be good for Dream to meet them and maybe they would feel better knowing dream was under control.

Michael kinda pops in saying "Monster" cause he's heard his dad refer to dream like that. Kinda makes dream panic start up again and hugging Tommy, apologizing again. Michael freaks out too and gets outta tubbos lap to apologize to Dream, saying he doesnt look like a monster (not helping lol) Tommy once again soothing him and ranboo and tubbo truly realizing how messed up Dream is now. Ranboo asks what exactly needs to happen for someone to be messed up so badly and Tommy says he can't say out loud cause it'll trigger dream worse. Tubbo asks if anyone else knows besides them two and his family. Says, kinda, but not the degree they're seeing now, also says he can't say names either. Ranboo kinda frustrated cause like...this is messed up that they just have this to blame for their traumas, can't really heal if they're feeling guilty of their abuser. Doesn't express it out loud but seeing dream so sad makes his enderwalk feelings surface, not exactly trigger, but feel extreme pain for Dream. Sad that he's sad. Ranboo is just upset. Tubbo doesn't know what to do, this is the guy who tormented both of them, threaten to take his last life and took all of Tommy's. He doesn't understand how Tommy could put up with dream and didn't kill him off that bat once he realized how vulnerable he was. Tommy explains that revenge wouldn't have helped him, at least that's what puffy says, and he thinks technos way really did help. It took going through the whole motion to even get this level of trust between them anyways, Tommy can still remember hating this idea in the first place. Dream kinda passes out from so much emotional distress and Tommy knows his family will realize they're gone soon, it's been so long he didn't think Dream would panic so much.

Ranboo offers to carry dream back, which suprised both Tommy and Tubbo. He says he's fine and maybe it'll help him understand things more (he really just wants to calm down his enderwalk side)

When in the nether it's when it triggers cause dream starts crying in his sleep. Tommy realizes and he sees dream wake up and clings to e!ranboo. Surprises tommy but realizes Dream found this other ranboo as family basically, the only other trustworthy person besides his family. Kinda peeves Tommy off, but is endeared seeing dream so soft. Dream starts communicating in ender with eboo and eboo just chuckles and looks at Tommy, gesturing to come closer. He sets dream down and Tommy goes to support him

Tommy kinda confused and dream just clings back to Tommy, quiet sorry and shoves his face back into Tommy's shoulder. Eboo takes a page from his notebook, writes something down, gives it to Tommy, bows a little, pats both boys head and waves goodbye

Tommy, Uhhhh bye?

Dream mumbles a bye too and ranboo leaves. Tommy asks dream what that was about but dream just rubs his face into Tommy's shirt more. Tommy shrugs and they both make it back home.

Sbi quiet upset at discduo, but dote on them, especially dream cause he look exhausted and sad

Phil translates the note from eboo that is in ender saying to take care of Dream and that he hopes to see him again in a less scared state. That he's a good boy and is glad other people finally realize that. Dream blushes at that heh. Wilbur just coos and hold dream, saying he was brave and stuff

They kinda just treat him like a little kid at this point and Dream couldn't bring himself to even mind, he was so happy they still love him despite messing up. Tommy was right in them complimenting him for trying to protect Tommy, and dream is just warm all over.

---bonus 2---

Wilbur and dream alone

Dream still super anxious with wilbur.

Wilbur is the most toxic nice, Phil being 2nd, then techno then Tommy

Everytime Tommy stumbles upon dream and wilbur, he swears wilbur is trying to make dream hate himself more, even though they all agreed they had to try and rebuild dream confidence back if he's to go back to fighting properly.

Wilbur is a flirt too and Dream beforehand would joke around but now Dream feels like...if this is the affection he's gonna get from Wilbur, guess that's what he has to get. Better than a mean wilbur. Dream doesn't like it though and it makes him feel ungrateful for daring to not like Wilbur being nice to him. He's just uncomfortable and puts up with it. So when they're alone, wilbur and dream get cuddly and dream pretty much gets comfortable and relax almost dozes off.

Wilbur starts just talking and then praising dream, saying how much better he is now. Dream gets blushy but happy/proud he's worthy of wilbur. Then wilbur goes on saying all the bad stuff he's done in the past, kill Tommy fight over lmanburg, hurt his brother in exile, take advantage over tubbo, ect. And dream feels bad again. Starts to cry and apologize, repeats Quackity's mantra, he's a monster, evil, so on.

Wilbur doesn't respond just holds him tighter and Dream is just sobbing clinging to wilbur, apologizing over and over again. Dream just starts getting worse though but Wilbur wants to see how it plays out, morbid curiosity. Usually one of them calm down dream again and give him affirmations.

It isn't until Dream starts becoming deluded and is apologizing to Sir and just starts insulting himself more intensly that Wilbur starts get a scope of how bad the prison really was. It makes him want to kill Q for damaging his savior so severely. He finally goes to calm down dream but he just starts screaming hysterically, hurting himself and making himself bleed. Wilbur trying to hold him down and get him to snap back but even that backfires cause as soon as he holds dream down, he goes limp and freezes. Little mumbles coming out of him wilbur has to get really close and hears him just repeating over and over the mantra, gushes of tears. Wilbur feels *bad*. Sure he hadn't seen the direct aftermath of Tommy from exile but techno would describe some snippets of Tommy dissociating and apologizing too. Reminds him too much of his brother. He kinda gets angry for a split second, cause it was dream who caused that. He gets snapped out of his thought when dream finally speaks up. Just says, Sorry Sir. I've broken a rule. Eyes practically grayed out and just bares his neck at Wilbur. Wilbur flinches back from Dream and loosens his grip, disgusted, but dream doesn't move.

He finally hears his family getting back, particularly Tommy, open door(dream usually flinches/spooked but wilbur notices he doesnt).

Tommy and ED convos cut off when they see how wilbur and dream are positioned....Tommy is fucking furious.

Wilbur basically having dream pinned down and dream neck bared and crying, bleeding, unresponsive. It doesn't look good.

Wilbur throws himself off dream and tries to explain but Tommy isn't hearing it. He tries to take Dream but dream is just rambling sorry sirs and to not punish him. Techno has to carry dream out and Tommy follows them out, going to technos room. Phil stays with wilbur to basically lecture him/ask what happened. Wilbur explains and Phil is disappointed and is just...wtf man that doesnt even make sense.

Tommy and Techno take a while to get back Dream out of that headspace. Techno and Tommy just cuddle him close and say he's good and it wasn't his fault. Techno bandaging him up and Tommy petting his hair, just them being gentle. Dream is just too tired to even apologize. He hasn't had a big attack like that in a while. They're usually really good at stopping it (even if it's wilbur who provokes it half the time). Tommy swears he's going to kill Wilbur because it was too far(doesn't know the explanation yet). Dream just shaking his head no and whining. Tommy sighs and Techno just holding the two close. Dream feels warm and finally passes out. Tommy kinda cries a lil, empthazing for Dream. He's just reminded of his exile self and hates someone else is going through that if not worse. Wants dream to be better because if Dream gets better than so will Tommy. Techno is like...dude you're already marginally way better than dream, not helping :^)

Discduo just go to nap, clinging to each other(aww), techno goes to wilbur + phill to see what's up.

They both explain and Techno is just.. *sigh*

Thinksnits best wilbur leaves until Drean is better and won't be as affect by Wilburs meaness, Wilbur wants to agree, he just can't help it and he know he's being toxic, doesn't know how to grow out of it. He feels like shit, says he'll leave tomorrow, will send them coords of where he'll be staying at by the end of that day. They agree and start to head to bed. Phil goes visits discduo and is very fond of them. He thinks maybe wilbur just might be jealous cause Tommy is way more attached to Dream than wilbur despite Dream being the main factor of Tommy's issues. But figures finds comfort in familiarity in the way he can relate his trauma to Dream now.

He goes to bed, techno and discduo sleep wilbur packs and doesn't really sleep

Early morning wilbur goes to leave but find dream awake in the kitchen drink some warm milk. They both freeze and dream eyes wilburs luggage. Dream starts to fidget and shake, he doesn't really speak unless spoken to first and wilbur knows this, has half the mind to just wave goodbye but feels that too cruel, after everything he's done. He tells him good morning and asks what he's doing up so early.

Dream kinda stutters and says he usually gets up early, a habit he could never break even when he had no account for time in the prison. He likes drinking warm milk, but doesn't really remember why. Wilbur remembers dream telling him when they first met that it's cause of Bad, helped soothe him as a child. Dream says he's sorry for taking milk without asking. Wilbur kinda chuckles and says it's alright, it'll help keep his bones strong.

A lil awkward silence, wilbur wants to just say goodbye and before he gets a chance dream asks where he's going.

"I'm leaving for a while, to get better."

Dream heart kinda just drops and shatters. And wilbur can see it on his face. Dream starts silently crying and going up to wilbur and hugging him tightly. Wilbur pats his hair and tells him it's alright and he'll be back one day! But that doesn't make dream feel better and hugs him tighter, faced shoved in his chest and shaking his head no.

Just continues to pet his head, "its alright Dreamie, this is so you can heal too. I'm not really helping am I? Even now I'm making you sad." Kinda somber chuckle. Dream finally looks him in the eyes and wilbur can just see hurt and it makes wilbur feel guilt.

"Don't leave me wilbur. Not another person please..." just the most broken plead. Wilbur trying to explain how he's is bad for Dreams mental but dream just refusing. To not leave him, he needs all of them no matter what. He doesn't care if wilbur is mean to him sometimes, it's better than actual pain (wilbur heart hurts at this, dream not realizing that wilbur is giving him actual pain even if it's just mental)

Phil comes down and sees dream just clingy to wilbur begging him to not leave. Phil kinda sighs and expected that to happen, they did kinda make Dream too dependent on all of them. He was hoping dream would sleep late cause of the attack. Wilbur silently pleading to Phil to explain to dream.

Phil trying to pry him off wilbur, reassuring him it's for his own good but dream starts yelling to not go. What about wilburs good? What about what dream wants? He revived Wilbur to come back to him and now hes leaving. He's done everything for them now, let him have at least this, to have them together forever, until he's worthless like before. He doesn't want to be worthless again, not when they keep telling him he isnt anymore. Tech and Tommy are up and asking whats happening. Wilbur doesn't even get to respond, dream struggling in Phil's hold saying Wilbur is leaving him. He sounds so hurt. Wilbur just gives in

(dream has them wrapped around his finger, a subtle plan he had, cause he knows he can never get away from his monster self, but he promised to do it to benefit both parties, he needs them, he can't feel the wretched abandonment like in the prison, he can't go through that again, wilbur driving him to panic is no where near actually going through it, cause he knows he'll come back to them eventually)

he wraps dream in a hug, promises he won't leave him, that he's sorry for even thinking it. That he's his and he should never leave what's his behind. Extremely possessive but Dream is just so comforted. He whispers promise? And wilbur promises.

Rest of sbi kinda let's the moment soak in before Tommy approaches and says they should have breakfast.

They kinda recoup themselves and have a nice huddle around the fireplace

Techno and Phil in their respective chairs, Tommy dream wilbur in front of fire just resting. It's calm. They'll figure it out.

--bonus 3--

Tommy angry at Dream.

Dream is recovered and Tommy has admin controls.

Tommy has used admin control plenty of times goofing on one time world's with tubbo and pals a while ago, wilbur even showing him some tricks, so when he gets them, he knows how to work it. However he hadn't realized that the controls for these kind of worlds are more soul binding, he can feel the world's energy more than just one time world's. Wilbur had explained he felt that during smpearth for the brief time he had that world, but it most likely wasn't as interpersonal as dsmp is. It's Dream who has to explain the more fine tunings of these controls. Its...difficult because Dream hated/great disdain for them.

It causes dream to remember why he hated lmanburg and Tommy recking shit and everything. It practically makes dream revert, the intense feeling the admin controls had over him was so much more overwhelming than prison torture.

Tommy feels...almost threaten. It almost...reminds him of before Dream...but not the good kind. They were outside trying to test some lil admin things. Dream has a harsh grip on his ax. Only iron, he refuses diamond/netherite. He has a dark look in his eyes. But Tommy is still listening. And kinda snaps dream back from it.

"So it hurt then. Us taking a part of the world from you."

And dream kinda just stares at Tommy. It was so simply put. Just like his rules. He droops and just mutters "I wish you followed the rules."

Tommy kinda scoffs.

Dream just kinda snaps at this. He takes his ax and swings it at the ground as hard as possible. He wants to prove a point. How much hurt he was in.

To Tommy, it looked like Dream was gonna swing at him, it even felt like it to a degree, albeit somehow muted? He couldn't explain it. But after a moment he looked over himself and saw no injuries, just an axe wedged into the ground.

"It hurt so much with lmanburg. I had to cut a piece of myself off for exile. I could barely remember it. Everything always felt fuzzy when I was there, I couldn't keep track of my emotions or if I even had any. But I didn't want to feel the tnt again. I couldn't bare it. I thought you could only learn with explosions. I didn't know how wilbur kept you in line. I tried like Wilbur did. Or how I thought wilbur did it. But I could barely keep track of myself."

Dreams quiet admittance shocks Tommy. But infuriates him as well.

"So while you were fucking numbing yourself to pain you decided to give it to me instead huh? Your default was to manipulate me into hating myself huh? Act like Wilbur yea fucking right. Wilbur was nothing like you-"

"He wasnt?"

Tommy being cut off throws him for a loop. Dream asked in a questioning tone but sounds more like he's trying to get Tommy to think. Why would Dream even think Wilbur acted anything like exile Dream. But then...

"Pogtopia."

Dream nods. "Wilbur was slowly losing it. I didn't know how to help him besides giving him what he wanted. But you continued to follow him. Even more so than before. You tried so hard with Wilbur."

Things start making some semblance of sense to Tommy. But still...

"I know I'm not allowed to say this...but I know I still acted like a monster, a manipulator...to you. I can't fix that. I'm yours now though...I can only try and redeem myself now..."

Tommy takes in dreams words. Dream has apologized a lot while recovering. And while he has been banned from saying the affirmations he was forced to say in the prison, it was mostly cause they had no correlation to his everyday actions. He was just doing what he thought he had to so he could avoid pain. But this. This was a real apology, or the closest one he's ever gonna get. An explanation and claiming it still wasn't an excuse...and hopes to redeem.

"Well. Redeem all you want, it still felt like a bitch when you fucking drove that axe down. With no warning either, fucking thought you were going for me." He says it jokingly basically

Dream freezes. "I- I'm sorry I didnt- wasn't thinking..I- I just wanted-"

Tommy chuckles and that stops Dreams stumbling. While Dream has definitely recovered a shit ton. Enough to remember and actually talk about the past and his misdeeds without breaking down in grievance, he still gets anxious more so than before. It'll probably be catching up to him really soon. Might as well speed up the process, a little revenge. It really did hurt like a bitch heh.

"I'll have to put you in alone time Dream, you did hurt me and that's forbidden." He says it with almost humor on his voice.

Dream flinches and does a small hic, he hasn't been in his room for punishment in quiet a while. Last was probably just when he let all the dogs go cause he felt bad for them and then talked back to techno cause of it. It was barely for any time though, enough to just spook him. But this...Tommy is right. He did hurt Tommy. Physically even. Despite it not being bodily harm, harm to the land, to the world, feels almost like a second body. Dream starts to freak out cause of that. He didn't even register it at the time.

He gets on his knees and starts apologizing. Tommy sighs. While Tommy is still upset at dream, he does get more insight. He's grown up, he's started to listen more, he's had to, especially because of post prison dream. Perhaps that's why he has admin control, he's actually grown significantly as a person. He sighs again and goes to calm down dream.

When they get to the house, dream is just sniffling and hiccing. Rest of sbi are rightfully worried, they haven't seen so distressed in a while and start asking whats wrong.

"Go on dream. Tell em what went wrong."

They all focus on dream and he starts crying again and in between sobs he admits he hurt Tommy. On purpose. With no warning.

They're kinda left in shock and wilbur goes to check Tommy over but he said it was a little more complicated than that. He says he'll explain once Dream is in his room. Time out time basically.

Tommy leads Dream to room, he's just sobbing as he follows Tommy, he knows he deserves this, it's the closest he can get to repenting because they won't physically hurt him and he hated that. Throughout his healing period, yea he's learned that's wrong, but when he gets in his mind too much. It's all he wishes for sometimes.

Tommy chains him down and wipes the tears from Dreams eyes. Adjusts the pillows and blankets around him so hes comfortable. Tells him this is for his own good. He'll be back to feed dream and that's it. Dream nods, he knows the routine.

Wilbur comes in not too long after though. Dream internally hopes wilbur has finally snapped and is going to hurt him like sir. He did fuck up big time.

He kneels by Dream and pets him. Dream sniffling and leaning into it.

"Hey its alright Dream. I get it, it's ok."

Dream just whines and shakes his head

" 'posed to protect. Not hurt 'im." He mumbles out.

Wilbur hums, "yea. I made that mistake too."

Dream freezes, but wilbur coninues to pet him. "This was just a small mistake Dreamie. You won't do it again. I know you won't."

" 'm bad wilbur. Didn't even think, just did it. Could happen again..."

"don't think like that Dream. I think this helps if anything. We helped you try and get past the prison but you still have past traumas beyond the prison."

Dream doesn't respond, he doesn't really know what to think. Doesn't like how his thoughts go to thinking he was broken even before the prison...

"Dream...don't get lost on me now" Wilbur snapping dream back to it, focusing back on the hand petting him.

"Don't know what to do Wilbur." His voice quiet and sad.

"Phil said to take you to a therapist." Dream snaps up to look at Wilbur.

"I'm too much." He's got a shake too his voice. They're dumping him to someone else. A stranger. Someone he doesn't know. What if they're like sir...or worse somehow? He's starting to panic but Wilbur is quick to calm him down "shh shh no no no dream. Hey hey, listen, nothing like that dream." Takes a minute to calm him a little.

"Someone you can talk to beyond us. Phil says we surely aren't getting the full picture no matter how honest you are. We aren't really trained for that ya know? As much as we made you ours, we want you happy cause of that."

Dream takes it in. It's hard for him to understand. After all he went through with them, it feels wrong in a way. But. But they're trying even harder for him. Is he worth that?

He notices Wil messing with his wrists. He unlocks the cuffs.

"No room, ok dream? We're just gonna hang out here for a little bit until Phil talks to Tommy."

Dream...nods. very hesitantly. This is too different. He needs a punishment. He isn't meant for this treatment. It feels too human. Especially coming from Wilbur. He whines, overwhelmed. Wilbur soothing him, explaining to him that things should change. That he's changed, and while they have changed with him, they should continue too. Be more proactive with it. No more locking him in a room until he's better, it's no better than the prison. No matter how soft and more comfortable it is.

Dream is still overwhelmed. But he feels warm.

"Thank you."

Tommy comes back and hugs dream tightly. Dream reciprocates and starts apologizing and saying he won't do it again and stuff.

Tommy says it's fine and he forgives him. He's their's and nothing will change that, not ever.

Dream sleeps in his arms. Wilbur helps carry him out and lays him in Tommy's room

Sbi meet up and watch him. Yea he's their's. They start to plan to *actually* help him more.

STORYTIME 1 HAS WON THE POLL 🎉

Ok. So I'm gonna just directly copy/paste my notes over and no one is allowed to point and laugh at me (I will cry)

Rereading it all, it doesn't feel very dark at all but that's probs cause this is all like...very summarized thoughts and full of cut off sentences lol

I just don't wanna get people's hopes up cause I think storytime 1 is the most basic(and typical stan sbi-esque) of the bunch!

Forewarning it is discduo centric

Uh I think that's it, have fun reading my stream of consciousness

- Dark sbi (I guess?)

- Dream target of obsession

- Dsmp

Techno finds out what dream did to Tommy but still has dream favor, so decides to break out dream but also kidnap him, decides that making dream better is part of the deal, can't have an incomplete deal

Believes he can teach dream a lesson better than quackity

Treat those how you want to be treated, i.e. want him to treat Tommy nicely so ya gotta , treat him nicely (turned overbearing/overwhelming)

Since dream is after tortured, desperate for kindness regardless

Dream scared of Tommy to a degree doe, cause quackity is like...you're lucky it's me doing this to you and not Tommy, he'd be 10x worse, ingrained fear and whatnot

(Knows he's thinking irrationally but can't help being frightened/paranoid)

-Wilbur still thinks Dream is his hero so when he learns about what technos doing, he wants to join in, cause he wants to spoil Dream as thanks (but also loses control of emotions when he realizes this is the guy who caused his precious bb brother(they are not related wilbur is just deranged) to want to kill himself, a wild card really for Dream in whether the visit is gonna be nice or cruel, keeps him on his toes) Techno allows it because he believes Dream shouldn't get too cozy and should know their kindness is on the condition if he is good, it's a lesson after all

-Phil who is adult and understands emotions more sees what techno is trying to do/struggling to do and joins in just to help out cause like...what's best for his kids/bestie yea? If they wanna have fun psychologically messing with a tortured man, at least show them how to do it properly. Dream almost always ends up enamored with Phil during visits because he's so nice but in the cruelest ways, teasing him with freedom and past relationships he'll never recover but promises of love and warmth if he just stays, no more hurt or loneliness in an isolated room. If Dream is good, maybe he'll finally be wrapped around Phil's wings? They look soft and warm and only people phil loves are allowed that, he can be good for that right?

-Tommy is still scared shitless of Dream. He only visits with someone else, he hates going with Wilbur the most cause of how much it reminds him of exile. It makes him want to protect Dream, the guilt is just overwhelming to have anyone experience what he had to in any degree. Hates himself cause of that cause he should hate dream and want what happened to him be reciprocated.

When Techno had introduced the idea to Tommy(he did keep it a secret for a bit, couldn't last cause Tommy is nosy and discovered Dream chained and locked in a room full of pillows and blankets). He panicked and Techno explained this will help both of them heal. If he sees how weak Dream can actually be with just some nice words, he'll be tied to them out of desperation. Tommy doesn't fully get it and thinks it's fucked, sounds too much like exile. But after seeing Techno treat Dream so gently like he does for Tommy, and seeing him beg and melt and apologize for nothing really, Tommy is like...huh. I could maybe get used to that. And gets kinda jealous how good Phil and Techno are at making Dream act like a lil dog begging for attention after a bit. Slow build up for that doe. When with wilbur he's scared (again like exile) but shows him how exerting power is not quiet a bad thing in this situation(it is they're just manipulating both Tommy and Dream that this is right). Tommy does visit Dream alone after a while and Dream is still scared of Tommy. Apologizes and is reminded of the prison and repeats what Quackity has told him, i.e. he's a monster and deserves pain/mistreatment, and that he's sorry for taking his families attention (Tommy in the beginning was upset about that but realized they're like spending only a couple hours every few days(?) with dream and the rest with him, comparatively, it really is nothing). Tommy hates it and is on the verge of realizing how this is wrong, dullness of dreams eyes never recovering despite being well fed, gaining weight and wounds now fully treated/healed. Dream still in a pit of despair despite the family's manipulative love towards Dream(still has a lot of paranoia and self doubt that it's even real). Kinda confronts dreams and asks if he knows what he did wrong and to say to him what it was (dream can't quite remember and repeats what quackity told him, refers to sir a lot when answering) Tommy conflicted and tries to be touchy nice(like rest of sbi :^) despite both of them not wanting to. Dream leans in easily though, anything for kindness from the person who will most likely take his last life. (Just like he did to Tommy). Tommy kinda wants to take Dream away from his family and only for himself (dark Tommy haha) Techno finally appears and says uh. What's happening here?

Dream apologizes a lot and Tommy is like shut up! And dream listens but shakes and cries, Tommy kinda enjoys that :^) wipes tears away and says good on listening

Techno is impressed and after they leave discuss about Tommy getting one on one's now. He agrees.

Dreams eyes did light up a lil when Tommy told him he did good, only believes Tommy's words because Tommy should have no reason to lie about being kind to him. That's how he thinks. Believes the rest of the family are doing it and waiting for him to slip up and hand him back to the prison/quackity once they realize they can't fix a monster with niceness. It isn't until Tommy starts visiting solo that all the kindness visits from the past start hitting dream like...oh they really want me, cause if Tommy is taking part of his day just to pat my head and talk about flowers and cows, then the others must think I'm redeemable too. Eyes start brightening. It's Tommy who finally releases the chains from Dream. Dream himself is like...don't I'm still bad I'll hurt you :(. Tommy just kinda hugs it out of him and that's kinda like *the* moment of no going back for Dream, any kind of doubt is gone, he's theirs now.

He follows Tommy everywhere after this, he can't sleep in his own room, he panics too much, they get him a lil cot for Tommy's room (kinda reminds Tommy like a dog bed). Easiest to get positive attention from Tommy. Wilbur at one points thinks it's Dream being manipulative cause of how easily Tommy gives in to Dream, but realizes Dream is quiet literally doing nothing just following him around like a dog, Tommy just likes spoiling him since Tommy never really had a chance to do that with someone before lol

He's still scared of Wilbur, but he def loves the positive attention cause he believes it's the hardest to achieve. He'll take the negative actions too because he still thinks he doesn't deserve all that love and it keeps him grounded, Tommy stops it though pretty quick and just smothers dream with more affection. (Really does treat him like a dog, dream doesn't really notice/mind, best affection he's gotten in forever).

Techno and Phil(not really at all, he just has a good appearance of making it look like hes treating dream as an equal....lol) def treat him most like a human. Techno pretty proud of himself that his planned worked and has Dream completely dependent on Tommy. Both of them healed in his mind(techno is a silly idiot, i love he). Dream still heavily depends on Techno's actions/commands when Tommy decides to leave Dream behind (visit tubbo/ranboo or go mining) makes him do chores and stuff, shows him how to be useful, kinda showing him independence again, but like in the way of 'you can take care of things on your own to make others around you happy' kind of way(?)

Phil def is like ah yes the family dog, and kinda treats him as such. He's there to be a companion to his youngest son, might as well make him a worthwhile companion. He's the one to suggest that Dream pick up training again, all the better to protect Tommy and prove his worth/change. Dream likes the idea of providing more for Tommy but is terrified of fighting. Quackity torturing it out of him. They wanted to surprise Tommy, that Dream is now his official guard dog, but Dream literally couldn't pick up the sword without panicking. Tommy has to be there to help him through it, actually healing him.(they all help) Wilbur at this point is like...yea this def not the same dream in the slightest that hurt my brother. Wilbur stops being flip floppy towards Dream. He's won over the whole family officially! Woo!(?) Probably a good thing! They won't ever let him go haha :).

Quackity visit woo! Comes over on the rare occasional that only Tommy and Dream are home. They're outside so no hiding Dream, he's scared stiff too

Kind of a realizing moment that Dream is still under Quackity's whatever, still listens to him. Quackity orders him to go back to his side and whatever and that punishment will be light if he returns to prison without fuss. Tommy is like wtf but is terrified to see Dream listening, so warped on panic.

Ends up listening to Tommy in the end and Techno comes back, making quackity flee, but proves that if he had a lil more time, dream would've willingly gone back. Family learns that even through all the kindness, the hurt he went through is so much deeper. They have to do some actual healing and Tommy feels kinda guilty/dumb for not realizing sooner cause it's very similar to exile and how it took forever to just heal even a lil, get dream under him helped a lot doe pft. Dream decides officially his life is theirs now and he likes that, doesn't want anything else but their love. If they told him he could never see the sun again, he'd be fine with that as long as they kept hugging and praising him, as long as they don't leave him alone.

This is only tested once the server finds out sbi has Dream and snf want to see Dream.

He kinda forgot about them during the whole manipulating love thing. He only remembers them through torture sessions where quackity said they hated him, but he also said Tommy hated him and look what's happened. So when confronted with them, he kinda just wanna...speak and talk with them...he doesn't quite know. He just faintly remembers being happy with them. It's wilbur who's with dream during that, kinda bragging about how dream is theirs now and Tommy kinda appears right after and is like...cmon dream and dream just hesitates. He really wants to know what happened between dteam, it feels important. Tommy gets kinda annoyed and it's in his voice but dream still talks back a lil, which surprises both of them. Dream eventually returns back with sbi with no dteam and is reminded of his place. First time Dream feels that dark possessiveness. This doesn't feel like love actually, it feels like suffocation, but its always been like this. Dreams doubts but sbi kinda remind him like hey, you're ours and if we want you to never see anyone from the past you listen to that. Throw him back in that first room alone and Dream just crys and is remorseful. They give it a couple days, he is still well taken care of, just alone and if he does see them, they don't look, talk to him and if they do make eye contact it's extremely cold. Dream hates it more than anything and continously apologizes until his voice is gone. Tommy is the one to come get him. They're both silent and dream just gets hugged and he reciprocates and crys a lot. Tommy says it's alright now and that it's over, just to remind him of his place. Dream is more glued onto Tommy now. Wilbur very much wanted to physically punish Dream, but techno knew that would just remind him of the prison and they don't want to be associated with that. Instead it's better to make everyone outside of them associated to the prison so dream knows only they are safe.

Ends with Dream fully capable again. Combat and all. Phil had to help him regain his admin controls. He's just sbi's lil puppet but he loves it because it feels really nice to not be in charge anymore. He doesn't really know what going on outside the household, but he's content!

Small(?) XD cameo I think where he has to revoke dreams administer control cause he find him incapable for such big decisions now, Phil argues with the God why didn't he do it while he was tortured and delusional. Explains that there was no one available to pass it too. Tommy is chosen. He's healed and tamed the "crazed" admin. While he's back to an almost normal state like when they first met, Dream is too controlled by SBI to make server wide decisions. Tommy, while youngest and probably just as influenced by SBI, he *has* gone through the most as well but came out on top. (Makes no sense but I need dream to lose this last bit of 'power')

Dream finally gives the revival book to Tommy, something they pretty much forgot about. (I also forgot about lmao just throw it in there yep)

Tommy ends up most powerful, ez clap. Dream is happy to be with him and his new family.

#ehm aus #SO. i forgot this had an actual good happy ending and I know there was a reason *why* and I actually hadnt wanted this ending #something changed my mind (probably some twitter shit i saw) but I think bonus 3 was just trying to prove some shit to myself #so we can all ignore bonus 3 k thanks #dont know if I would ever revamp this one in particular but if I was any good at writing fics I would make this into one somehow #out of pure indulgence lmao #storytime aus

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lightadarttomendyourheart · 2 years ago

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it's less than a month now. 23 days. looking at my countdown, i'm dreading it going back up to 60.. which it will.. in 4 weeks. i hate that i have that mindset. i should focus on what's here and now and at least what will be before it's gone. it's just so shit we only have 4 days together. but i'll be fine and it'll be fine. i don't think i'll cry when we part either. i didn't last time. maybe when i see you for the first time. i can see that happening. i've realized over the years i'm not a big cryer when things happen right away, it's more after the fact. or at the beginning, when i've finally seen someone after not seeing them for a long time. not when i say goodbye. or, as it happened in london, right smack in the middle when all i can think about is the days we have left together. that always gets me. the 1-2 days before leaving... i hate those.

man i was just going through my old photos and it still amazes me how we got here. i lose sight of that a lot these days - that this is my life. that you're in my life. that we're TOGETHER. that we're a thing. that we've made this happen. that we both want this. i really need to remember that more often. we met over 4 years ago on a fricken boat on the way from corfu to albania and now, 4 years and 3 months later, we're actually together. you're my boyfriend. i'm your girlfriend. it's honestly mad. if someone had asked me if i ever thought me and brandon would date, i would've said god no, it would never work, we live too far apart, i don't even know if he really likes me like that, i'm sure he's got other girls on his mind. why would he want to date someone he can only see a few times a year.

but here we are. i am that girl that's on his mind. on your mind.

seriously, when we tell our grandkids about how we met. our friends will tell their friends and their kids our story. it's timeless. one for the books to the honest. when i really think about it, i'm living in a romantic novel. and it makes it so much better that we had 2 chances after the first time we met to really make something of us, but we didn't. and it wasn't cause either of us didn't want to, it just didn't work. at least we kissed, thank god we kissed.

like, every single thing that's happened has been magical. we first met on that boat transfer and right away i was like mmm ok, this mans is adorable, sexy, hot, and so sweet. and we saw each other here and there at the festival but not until the last night did we truly speak to each other a bunch and realize we liked each other.

then, abgt350, i finally got to see you again after having you at the back of my mind since explorations. and boom, boat party, see you with another girl, who thank god you confirmed WAS a love interest, cause at least i wasn't crazy for thinking that. so naturally i was like fuck you and made out with someone else lol classic jamie. but. the final day, of course, naturally, cause that's how we roll, we finally met up at deep day and you stayed with us for the second half of the show. i had to go to the bathroom and you said you'd come with me which i was like ok finally some alone time. i love how you recently told me when i said i had to go to the bathroom you were like ok right, this is it, this is my chance. i got out of the washroom and there you were waiting for me at the top of the steps. i closed the distance between us and it finally happened, we kissed. at the top of the stairs, overlooking the krizikova fountain, while tinlicker was playing. legit people dream of first kisses like that. god, i thought about that kiss for weeks, months afterwards.

and then covid and jake and life happened.

but then, again, you happened. after 3 years of not seeing each other, we finally did in LA, almost exactly 3 years after our first kiss. and that was the icing on the cake. we spent all 3 events together, kissing and talking and spending the most time together that we ever have before. and it still wasn't enough. but i digress. i finally realized i was unhappy in my relationship and even if that didn't mean we would be together, i knew i had to make a change. so i did.

and then you made the huge commitment to come to me in Canada and spend 2.5 weeks with me. some of the best days i've had were those with you, walking the streets of london, drinking pret and walking in the rain and just endlessly talking about so many things. looking back, we both took a huge risk. we could've not gotten along, we could've not had much to talk about, but that also never ever crossed my mind. i never thought it would be a bad trip. i just *knew* it would be amazing, no matter what happened when we parted.

and then, after being together for 2 weeks, after brighton, we finally had the chat and you divulged you want this, you wanted to try long distance and do this thing. i was pretty drunk so the details are hazy, but i do know how speechless i was. how never in a million years i would've thought you'd want to be with me that much to do long distance. me? of all people, you choose me?

i've said it before but i'll say it again, i have never, ever wanted someone and something so bad and then have it actually happen for me. certain things yes, but a boy? like me so much that he'll have a relationship with me that spans 7125km? you've gotta be outta your mind. that shit only happens in the movies. and yet, it happened to me.

and i know it's stupid and shouldn't be a thing, but you literally check almost all of my boxes. everyone has their boxes and i've always let a lot of things slide because the perfect person doesn't exist, and yet. there are so many things you have or you do that are things i have always, always wanted in a partner, but truth be told lost sight of or thought i wouldn't get because.. idk, because i thought it was too much to ask for.

ok let's get into it cause why not. again, this is like ideal man list.

i always wanted a guy who had really nice hair and a lovely beard, but not one that's too long cause that's too much. you literally have both - i fucking love your greys so much. they make you you tbh. you wouldn't be you without them. also, i just always wanted someone i thought was so hot, that i was basically infatuated with, and i am with you. god i think you are seriously so sexy, so hot, so cute, so everything. i could just stare at you sometimes constantly for hours cause i think you're that beautiful. not just, oh yeah he's attractive, i am legit obsessed with how you look.

also, height. and holy fuck you're basically a giant hahaha so literally hit the jackpot.

also, someone who loves what i love and is so passionate about things i'm passionate about. anjuna. check. HUGE thing. mind you, you're not passionate about some of my other passions like alternative music, but again, i can't have it all lol.

i also wanted someone outgoing and bubbly and who matches my energy. i feel like i've historically gone after guys who are quieter because honestly, i never thought someone on my level would want me because they get all the other super hot and pretty girls, so i always discounted myself from those guys. but not with you - i have never ever been with someone who is so on the same level as me that i look at you as my equal in that area.

also, someone who genuinely likes and understands CATS! i know, doesn't matter a lot, but we're talking dream check list here, and you are legit the sweetest guy with felix and you love JT and i fucking love that you told me, dogs are great, but cats are just different. you fucking get it.

i truly believe in soul mates. i don't believe we only have 1, i think we have many in our lifetimes. some friends, some lovers. i firmly know ryan was my soul mate. i don't think charlie was ever my soul mate tbh, i was just obsessed with him and the idea of him. but anyways. the mantis fam are my soul mates, indy and sarah especially. and you. i know it to my core that you and i are meant for each other. whether that means for a lifetime, an eternity, or just a couple of years, only time will tell. but i know it in my heart, in my soul, that we are soul mates and we were meant to be. the universe literally didn't let us stray from each other for too long, only a few years.

i hope i think about this more often because when i do, i have so much hope for the future and so much hope for myself.

#personal

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carnie-calorie-counter · 2 years ago

Text

Day 1 of 90•160

So it's obvious now that I'm planning my death. And some people know that I want to die on my birthday. Well I realize me getting drunk and admitting that was really, really dumb. So, I'm gonna pretend to get better and hope it makes all anxiety and worry about me dying disappear from people's minds.

If I'm successful and everything goes as planned then I'm just gonna keep researching places near me and find a quiet place where kids aren't at and I'm just gonna take some pills and hope the coma route doesn't happen.

I am sad actually since I didn't really want it to come to this, but it's really no ones fault but my own. I mean I was the kid who failed to grow up and I probably deserved the abuse because I was such a hard kid to raise...

I really was horrible and still am.

Anyway, I'm gonna do a diary everyday if possible and just let the days count down. I'll post this accounts name to my main because Lord and Lady knows that Eliza most likely won't say anything lol.

I don't want any of you to try anything after me okay? Because honestly, you all actually have places in life and have the ability to be good people and progress through your trauma. I'm never going to be able to be normal, and after twenty something years I can see it now. Not only that every time I've thought about my death I cry and I think that's incredibly narcissistic, telling and a huge sign that I'll never get better.

The reason I've chosen OD is because I'm too chicken to slice my wrist open and I don't wanna jump off a bridge or building and have someone call a clean up crew.. I don't wanna be THAT much of a burden in the beginning stages of my leave. It defeats the purpose.

It's all very surreal if I'm honest, I'm obviously going through the grieving stages. Of knowing I'll never be normal and knowing what I have to do to lessen the blow on everyone else. I'm happy one day, torn apart the next and then I'm calm. Calm as calm could be.

I've utilized the Do Not Disturb on my phone finally, it helps because I think eventually I'll stop wanting for attention at all. My absence may also really help everyone, you know, get over the person they'll eventually learn was really fucked in the head.

I'm gonna miss my dog, but everyone else will either abandon her like they would have abandoned me if I kept on living or they will be definite better owners than I had been.

I'll miss food, I've already looked up ways to help me decompose better if my friends go the funeral route and I'm gonna be liquid dieting until I completely stop eating/drinking. It'll be nice to be kinda skinny when I die though, that's a mediocre plus I guess.

I never actually had sex either, I mean I'm not a virgin but I don't really think I've ever been able to finish, have anyone else finish, or be able to say I liked any of it. It actually makes me feel like a failure too, I mean I'm supposedly hypersexual so I should just enjoy it no matter what right?

Sometimes I wish I were okay with all I wasn't alright with, maybe then I wouldn't be so insufferable.

I seek attention and I'm gonna start being alone to think about why I seek so much attention. It's not healthy for anyone because no one should have to be around me when I want attention just because I want it. I should earn it honestly. But I'm obviously not earning it and I'm not enough because I'm not getting enough. You know, data tells. Or something like that.

You know I'm really depressed too. Like it sucks knowing I have to die but what sucks is it got THIS bad until I decided "yo, nothings gonna fix so we gotta find out what to fuckin do" and the final fix was death lol

That's so sad and pathetic isn't it?

I chose 90 OR 160 days because I'm either dying on my birthday (161 days from today) or I'm gonna try dying in a cold month if my head gets too horrible to handle. (90 days)

I might have to start biting at people since I heard if you get people pissed at you before you're dead they won't miss you and they'll forget you easier.

Well this is all I can say for today.

It's 5:01 PM and I have work tomorrow

It's Wednesday June 28th 2023

And eventually I won't be here anymore 🪻

#gelli #countdown diary

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willowser-but-nsfw · 3 years ago

Text

[ nsfw ] - post-apocalyptic au (mentions of guns, blood, war, fighting for survival) ; probably ooc bakugou because of the setting ; implied/minor shinsou x reader ; smut (18+) (may or may not be exposing my spit kink with this one LOL)

[ word count ] - 7.5k

"y'want me to do it?"

it smells like copper.

when you press your tongue against the roof of your mouth, you taste blood; a preemptive warning for what's coming, what you'll spill. for some reason, the rifle feels heavier than usual today.

"c'mon, what're you waiting for?"

maybe it's because you can't see his face. seems immoral that way. maybe it's because showing your back to someone is a sign of weakness in the world now and everyone knows that; him walking backwards to the safehouse, one arm barely raised in surrender — that's trust. that you won't do exactly what you're planning to do to him.

"gonna let him knock on the front door or what?"

"would you shut up?" you hiss, snapping back to fix your watch-partner with a glare. "i'm trying to focus."

he only raises one eyebrow, lazily gesturing back out to the road where the figure is stumbling along. despite hitoshi's easy facade, you can tell there's a sincerity to his words, even more evident in the tight hand he has around his own gun. he's allowing you the time, the chance to make your own decision, but he's as much a guard to the house as you are.

holding your breath, you look back through the glass reticle and find the man again. the gun aizawa gave you is from before the war, but it'll still take a raider's head off if you aim it right, and it won't be clean about it, either. even from where you're sitting in the watch blind, you have him clear in your sights and all you have to do is rid the tension from your shoulders and ease out your breath and —

the man crumples into the dirt, and stays there. a dusty lump of skin and bone and uncertainty.

when you pull back to look at hitoshi, he ignores you, frowning at the sight. the rusted chair he's half-leaning back in creaks when it hits the floor, screeching as he scoots to its edge to better survey the road. it's been a few days since he's shaved, the skin underneath his sprouting hairs irritated from where he's been scratching.

"this is a trap if i've ever seen one."

"so what are we supposed to do?" you pull the rifle from where it'd been perched on the ledge — something that deepens hitoshi's frown; a finality. "just leave him there?"

("we can't lose our humanity," aizawa told you, both, as you all stood on the screened-in porch, watching eri make dolls from sticks and straw in the yard. it hadn't been long after you joined their encampment, and you'll never forget the way he looked at you. with trust, pleading, that you wouldn't become everything they feared. "or else we'll be no different than the damn machines.")

hitoshi finally looks at you with his heavy, withdrawn eyes, and he looks the same as he did the night he found you in that ditch, all alone and bleeding out. he could have just left you to die on some excuse about not having the room or space or resources to take on another mouth to feed, but —

frustrated, he shakes his head, chasing away his compassion and memory in staunch self-defense. "this is a trap."

it's been a few days since either of you have seen another person this far out west, even longer since raiders have come along and met their own graves. a sweeter aspect to having the safehouse on a hill: you can see anything coming for miles. it gives you all the time you need to prepare for bandits and thugs, the wayward todoroki corporation 'droids that scan this edge of the earth.

you can see anything coming, even the end. and it can see you, too.

you don't argue because his concern is rooted in truth; what little peace you've had is bound to expire. it never lasts very long. people are getting desperate, moreso than usual. aizawa predicts a fourth of the population won't make it without food and shelter and something to keep warm when the next winter hits — which isn't far off.

out on the road, the lump never moves.

"fuck it," you grunt, kicking your chair back as you stand. your rifle strap slips over your head easily, the weight of it grounding as nerves light with unease. "just—cover me."

hitoshi glares, but doesn't move to stop you. "you're explanin' this to shouta on your own."

you shuffle down the rickety ladder, jumping off as soon as you can because you hate the stupid thing. the dehydrated skeleton of a bush snaps when you clamber through it, kicking along dead limbs and branches and thorns until you reach the barren, dirt road.

once you're out in front of the blind, you give a thumbs up and you don't move until hitoshi's light flashes twice, hidden by what remains of an old pine.

even from where you're standing, you can hear the man breathing, wheezing audibly enough that your own chest tightens in response. could be from the storms and their acidic haze, or prolonged exposure to radiation that's started to eat him up from the inside; either way, you don't think it sounds like he has long.

before you can fully approach, the up-close sight of him stops you dead.

half-alive. battle-torn, much more than you expected; your mouth fills with saliva at the dried clumps of blood clinging to one side of his face, crusted over with debris and muck. his right arm is — fucked, to say the least, and he's at least lucid enough to know it, cradling it close to his body as if you're going to steal what's left of it.

only his left eye is open, probably the only one that can still make out a damn thing, and he watches you, half-lidded.

an explosion of some sort; probably set off a mine in that airfield north of here. must have walked near 50 kilometers in this direction, which would explain why he's in such a piss-poor state. rifling through his pockets produces hardly anything, save for some lint and a small folding knife — that you do take, for good measure. not once does he try to stop you (as if he even could), choosing instead to take you in the only way he can.

you sit back to check his ears, and his head moves without fight. maelleable. surrendered. his right one is hard to find, underneath the blood. "can you hear me?" unsurprisingly, you receive no response. probably can't hear a thing. "hey. can you hear me?"

but then — he blinks, twice and slow.

behind you, the nuclear glow of night begins to unravel and you can feel it nipping at your skin; cold and chemical, a fresh burn under running water. another quick flash of light means to hurry you along, but you just raise a hand to hitoshi.

"you can hear me?" your voice drops considerably, to a narrowly audible whisper. the kind you would use with a newborn, or when trying to calm a wounded animal. "blink twice."

he does.

something softens in your chest, something that's long since crusted over. you've become so used to finding the threat in everything, you've forgotten what it looks like to need help, and now it's staring you in the face. carmine and bleary and scared. you can't feel his skin beneath your gloves, but you touch the sharp curve of his brow, wiping away the grime.

"hitoshi," you call, "get the horse. and the stretcher."

aizawa doesn't say anything when you get back. no one does. not even him.

it takes effort to care for him, which you think is the lesson you're meant to learn — the hard way. after he's loaded into the house, the hands that tend to him are your own and no one else's; the water you boil for your own bath goes to him, trying to carefully wash his wounds as he watches you, unchanged; for the first two nights, you give him your rations, until you're so hungry that you have to split them.

he doesn't speak to you. doesn't make any sounds, not besides his ever-present wheeze — which you have to get used to sleeping beside. you give him your sleeping bag, though you don't mind the floor as much as you thought you would.

there are no grunts of pain, not even when you have to peel the tattered remains of his clothes from his arm, just to wrap up the gristle that's still attached to him. he'll probably lose it, if he's lucky, but you've got nowhere near that kind of medical expertise and kayama hasn't been back for a few months. longer than anyone has expected. he'll have to wait, just like everyone else.

there's — little you can actually do for him besides bandaid-ing him together, because you're so afraid of hurting him or making any and all of his situations worse that you take your time. too much maybe. pulling a shirt over his head and squeezing warm water out of a towel down his grisly body and even feeding him; you're hardly able to take care of yourself. doing it for someone else proves to be a challenge. lesson learned, though the regret never comes.

three weeks go by, before he tells you his name.

you're sharing a granola bar and a can of peaches from your own personal stash, enjoying the peace and quiet of the dining-room-turned-barracks. hizashi has been taking your watch shifts and in return you've been helping eri out in the garden, tending to the field behind the house so that you can be close, just in case.

("is he going to die?"

she's afraid of him. you can tell by the careful way she watches him, shallow little breath held whenever you help him to stand for another round of clean bandages. she rotates who she sleeps with because she doesn't have a bed of her own, and since you've given your pillow up to your half-man, she's kept her distance, both when awake and not.

"what?"

she swallowed and turned her attention down to her nails, picking at the dirt underneath them as you tossed another potato into the bucket she was holding.

"him. hitoshi said—"

"i don't care what he said." you barked, harsh and in a way you would feel guilty for later, but it made sure she didn't ask again.)

the right half of his face is completely bandaged up, making him look more mummy than man, and his eye is trained on the spoon of peaches you keep feeding him. he takes it patiently, but there's an eagerness to his bite that has you worrying he's going hungry.

he's much bigger than you; that, you could tell even before you got his clothes off. his shoulders are wide, broad, and the strength they carry couldn't have been born from anything but healthy labor. it's been a long time since you've seen someone so well-fed and it makes everyone seem smaller and more feeble in comparison, has you wondering where he could have possibly come from, before he got nearly blown to hell.

you don't care what hitoshi is saying. that he's questioning everything now.

defiantly, you think that maybe if he'd helped with the wound-washing and bandaging, he'd know how much meat and tissue and muscle lies beneath your half-man's skin. no wires or tracking chips. no metal. just human.

you can't explain why he doesn't cry or speak or even cringe, but emotion is in there, somewhere. maybe next to his hunger and his trust. the sense he has to touch you with only gentle, considerate intent.

a 'droid wouldn't do that. all of you know it, from experience.

"i have to go into town soon,"

he watches you carefully, teeth clicking against your spoon when he closes his mouth around it. food gets shoved into the left side of his cheeks on instinct and it reminds you of some rodent you're sure doesn't exist anymore.

"i'll be gone a few days, but i have enough food squared away that no one should bother you." even if they don't want him here, you know the rest of the house won't put him out, not with you gone — but still; you want to take care of the only tension they could have with him. "i'll leave you my pack if it will—"

"i have to go to kamino."

stunned, you look up at him, spoon midway between the two of you. your half-man stares back, blinking as if he's just woken up from a long and fitful sleep.

"you can talk?"

"yes." his brow furrows, as if your question is irrelevant or maybe stupid. "i have to go to kamino."

"uh," now you blink, trying to picture a map in your mind. the miles stretch on the further you think about it. "i don't think you'll get very far with the state you're in."

he nods, suddenly grim, and goes quiet. retreats to a place that's not here, with you, as his eye glazes over and sticks to the floor. you feed yourself a peach in an attempt to sweeten the sour feeling that bubbles up inside you.

you wait as long as you can before speaking again, until you can't take it. "you'll be moving on, then?"

he turns his head, focuses more on your face with his one eye and — you get the feeling it's the first time he's ever looked at you, really. which you know is stupid because he's done nothing but watch you, but now: alive and aware, he catalogues your face, the dip of your shoulder, a stray scar that's jagged across your collarbone.

assigning it to memory, maybe.

"yes. when i'm better."

you shrug, and try to keep your mouth from curling down like it wants to. "might be a while."

"someone's waiting for me."

it makes you feel bitter, though it shouldn't. as if he's throwing all you've done for him in your face even though he's not.

you feel — overwhelmingly embarrassed at yourself, but it doesn't stop the burn that builds in your waterline.

people are so scarce these days, an endangered species. finding one to tuck into a worn sleeping bag, to rinse the dirt from their hair and help them with their clothes, to become reliant on the white-noise sound of their wheeze — it happened too easily. lesson learned.

your half-man shuffles in front of you, nodding back at to the granola until you're feeding him again. a spell has been broken now, and because he's talked and shown plans to leave, you think he should maybe be feeding himself. but what the hell.

cheek full, he asks, "you know where kamino is?"

again, you picture the map in your mind, frowning at the distance. "it's not close."

"can you take me there?"

you shake your head; whiplash. two days ago, he couldn't stand on his own and now he's trying to lead an expedition half-way across the country. briefly, you picture it: him and you, snaking down the beaten path, avoiding the highways and finding old 100-yen shops to sleep in. using the aisle shelves like a bunk-bed, him on the bottom. wheezing until you're lulled to sleep.

when you look back at him, he's frowning. "i-what? me?"

again he makes that face: furrowed brow, mouth slanted like he can't comprehend your question — or why you've asked it.

"i can't just," you glance back, checking the room for open ears. "i can't just leave them."

"why not?"

"because," now you frown. "they've — been good to me and i don't want to abandon them." you close your eyes and you're in the dark again, being eaten up by ants and the dry, nuclear heat of summer. left to die, all alone. "they saved me."

it's silent for a long time, his voice echoing in your ears now that you've heard it. when you blink back into the here and now, he's just staring down at the floor again, already gone.

"besides," you continue, more eager to hear him speak than you're willing to admit. "i don't even know who you are."

"bakugou katsuki," he murmurs, automatic. his eye flicks to you and — you think it could be glowing, in the low light. carmine, like the burn of a fire. "my name is bakugou katsuki."

you and hitoshi find treasure in a nearly ran-sacked pharmacy; enough antibiotics to last a while, maybe longer if everyone is careful enough to avoid scrapes and burns and scratches. there's a tub of vaseline and a dented can of coffee grounds, something that aizawa will be ecstatic about, even if he doesn't have a half-decent way to use them.

it takes a day and a half to get into town because you only travel at night, and you spend a chilly evening under a crumbling overpass, housed in the rubble. shinsou even shares his beans. all around a win-win, in your book.

it's not until you're on the way back that disaster strikes.

you get comfortable, pig-headed from the weight of the haul on your back, and you cut across a desolate highway in an attempt to shorten the trip. both of you are too eager to get back and share your spoils, and it makes you careless.

hitoshi is in the middle of probing you about bakugou, when aqua lights flash off the failing frame of an old house.

"'m jus' sayin'," he grunts, shrugging. "he's pretty weird, don't you think?"

you don't want to answer him, but his question is so childish that you can't help it. "so are you, but i'm not judgin', am i?"

even in the dark, his wide smile is obvious, and he opens his mouth to retort something that will surely infuriate you when it seems as if the whole sky lights up. you know it doesn't really, but the neighborhood has been nothing but the skeleton of the world before, and to see the light after only traveling in the dark almost has you blinded.

hitoshi grabs you by the arm and you're being dragged through the dirt before you have time to blink. he doesn't have to tell you to keep quiet; you hold your breath, mouth open, tasting only the salt from his palm and your own fear.

the night-cover is meant to protect from raiders and feral animals.

aizawa says that the 'droids are heat-seeking.

aizawa says, "there's no hiding from them."

you're both bent awkwardly behind a mound of rusted scrap metal and old rubber, legs and back folded to better blend in, though you have no idea if you even will, and the light flashes like a heartbeat in the distance. a block or two down, you think, if you're as good with distance as you think you are, and you track the echo of it underneath the remaining war-haze that blocks the stars.

not even a thought crosses your mind as it trails across the horizon, getting further and further away until it stops completely. and then fear sets in like a cold sweat.

during what few run-ins you've had with the todoroki 'droids, they've never just — gone away; they have to be dismantled, head pried from their shoulders. a thick piece of some kind of metal you've never known the name of sits at the base of their skull, soldered beneath their fake, translucent skin, and getting it off is a bitch and a half.

but if you don't, it won't stop. ever.

you have to get out of here, far away before it gets closer and hears the rapid drum of your heart, but — should you run? no doubt it'll hear your footsteps across the ground, every breath that rushes from your lungs, and it'll reach you way before you can get —

hitoshi moves his hand from your mouth and your eyes flick up to his, the direction he points to — south, back to the safehouse — but it's hard to move your limbs from where they've frozen over with cold fear. your hands are shaking, shoulders, too, but you slowly push yourself to your feet, crouching close to him.

he doesn't say anything, and he won't; you've just got to trust him.

it's been so long since you've encountered one. since you've even seen one this far out. you're half a day from the house, but that's still close, in the grand scheme of things. dangerously, your mind dips into dread, imagining the copper smell of your encampment, if they've been found first.

you can't go there. not now.

hitoshi takes low, careful steps away from the corroded junk metal, crossing from dead tree to dead tree as softly as he can, and you follow even as tears well up in your eyes.

all you can see is eri's little face. the last thing you said to her. how shouta gripped hitoshi's shoulders, murmuring something meant for only him.

how bakugou looked, forlorn, on the inside of the porch screen as you headed off into the night.

you can't go there. not now.

walking so close to the ground strains the muscles in your calves and they burn, full of fire and tension, but you trail him as long as you can, for what feels like hours before you're finally out of the neighborhood and back on the barely-trodden trail. it's not until you can stand that you finally breathe — or at least, that's how it feels, with how tightly your lungs have shriveled — and shinsou turns to stare at you, wide-eyed.

"what the fuck!" he whispers, harsh, before pointing to where you've come. "what the fuck!"

"i know!"

"no, not 'you know', this isn't a fucking coincidence!"

all your fear crescendos, crumbles into fury. "what?" you snap back from him as if he's slapped you, teeth bared, feral.

"he's a goddamn infiltrator!" no names need to be said in order for the message to get across. "another fucking hunk of tin!"

"you don't know anything," you say it for nothing, because he won't stop talking over you. "i've had his blood all over my fucking hands, hitoshi! his arm is nothing but a wad of meat and bone, and you'd know that if you—"

"hello."

hitoshi spins around before your argument finishes settling on the air, placing himself between you and the half-crouched figure watching you from the tree line. hands raised in surrender. just like bakugou.

in no time, the both of you have your rifles loaded, staring down the reticle with the stranger's head in your sights.

"i'm alone," the man says, and you see a flash of white hair as he fully stands. the first thing you notice about him, is how immaculate he seems. untouched by the wasteland. "i just need some help."

"back off," shinsou barks, bumping into you as he takes a step backward, urging you to do the same. "turn around and forget you ever saw us."

"i just need some help." he says again — but his eyes glow blue in the shadows, hands clicking beneath his fleshy exterior, and then before you know it, an alarm screams, ringing so high in pitch that you're forced to drop your gun and cover your ears.

it doesn't last long; hitoshi manages to fire his rifle, clipping off half of its head just as it lunges for the both of you. it stumbles to the ground, sparking and zapping as it repeats "i just need some help, i just need some help," over and over and over, until hitoshi is firing down on it again, right at the height of its neck.

the world goes so silent, it hurts; you can feel a deep and thrumming pain in your ear canal, and when you pull your hands from your head, they're wet and dark in the hazy night glow. hitoshi tries to say something, but it's muffled, and then he's pushing you along in the night until you're both sprinting. running as fast and as far as your body will carry you.

it's day, when you reach the house.

aizawa doesn't care half as much about the coffee as he does about the noise you've made, that they heard all the way out here. he toys with his eye-patch, headache apparent on him as he rubs at the vein protruding in his forehead.

he's not mad at you, he says, but you'll have to be on the lookout. for what's sure to come, in the following days. boarding up the house, starting the generators around the property, just for the extra heat and distraction. you'll have to take longer watch-shifts, all of you. even eri.

day-old blood trickles down your shoulders and into the tub, when you dump a bucket of water over your head. it's the first thing you do — try and wash the excursion from your skin — and even though the water is warm and fresh-boiled, you can't stop shivering. digging your fingers into your arms as you hug yourself, head throbbing.

maybe it's because you haven't slept that you still feel like you're in that neighborhood, holding your breath as the neon warning flashes. if you close your eyes, it breathes behind your lids, white-hot and blinding. and your ears —

you barely register the door creaking, eyes snapping open as bakugou peeks his head in.

a fucking infiltrator.

your jaw loses tension as soon as it finds it, has you wincing from the ache, and you close your eyes and turn away from him. he should be able to take the hint. if he's human, then he'll understand how badly you want to be left alone. how badly you need to weigh your options, as the end looms over you all.

something buzzes in your ear, and when you turn to look back at him, he's sitting on the edge of the tub, staring down at the cloudy water.

"what?"

his eye snaps up to your own. aizawa's loaned an eye-patch to him and all his head wrappings are gone, leaving him to look, truly, like a half-man; scar and tissue and pink, with all his tenderness.

another fucking hunk of tin.

("you have to destroy they back of their neck. you have to, eri, do you hear me?"

she looked so young, so tiny, with a gun in her hands.

"they're all connected, and they can all track each other. one after another, they'll keep coming.")

you miss what bakugou says to you again and you shift, angling your head before shaking it.

"can you hear me?" he repeats, and you read the soft words against his lips. "blink twice if you can hear me."

and you do, slowly, leaving them closed as they burn with unshed, nuclear-hot tears.

it makes you jump, when his finger lightly touches your forehead, near your brow, and he watches with simple interest as water droplets collect on his skin. he trails lower, just under your ear, and then his brow furrows. that red gleam returns to his eye, like he's just waking up again.

"y'r bleedin'."

"not anymore," you can feel yourself talking too loud. "it's — fine." you mean for him to move his hand away, but he doesn't. and you don't make him.

instead it goes to your hair, where it's down and plastered against your skin, and he very carefully tucks it behind your ear before angling your head, as if he can see the damage better. he leans close, eye intent on where his skin meets yours.

and you can't take it anymore, as the tears finally run over your cheeks. "what the fuck are you?"

bakugou is half through a wheeze when you ask, and he stutters and coughs and — you just don't know. you can't fucking tell.

how human he seems. how gentle he can be.

how different he is.

"what?" he rasps, signature confusion decorating his half-face. "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"i'll tell them," you seethe, though you don't mean word of it. "if you don't tell the truth right now, then i'll tell them what you are." a bitter laugh huffs out of you and his eyes narrow, annoyed almost. "who am i kidding? they probably already know and are just waiting to take your ass out. as soon as i give the word."

"i don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about."

"don't fucking lie to me," the words are lost to your ears, echoing somewhere in your skull — and even then, you can tell how desperate they sound. his eye tracks a fat, hot tear that slips from your own. "please don't lie."

bakugou doesn't answer, just frowns at your cheeks, and then he moves his hand to stroke the fat of them, gently. as always. he collects the tear on his finger and inspects it carefully, closely, before tasting it with the pink tip of his tongue; you and all your salt.

when he fixes his eye on you — so bright and red and alive — you lurch forward in the water, grabbing his face in your hands before yanking his mouth down to your own.

he grunts, loud and surprised, and he's hardly able to catch himself, hand going flat against the ceramic between your legs. you breathe him in deep through your nose: the subtly sweet scent of his sweat, the bitter fall air that's clinging to his soft skin — decayed leaves and earth and stratosphere, something foriegn and strangely clean.

your lips part his and your tongue slips into his mouth and he gasps lowly, sliding his hand in the water closer to you, moving in to press back against you with just as much hunger. it fans the flames to life in your belly and you drag him further into the water, until he has no choice but to fall in, knee thudding against the tub as he lets out a quiet "ow" against your lips.

you don't care — don't know how or what to care about — and you pull back from him to yank at the bottom of his shirt, stretching it out until he's able to slip it off his head, around the bandaged remnant of his arm with a little more concern; funny, how it's always him that's being careful.

in a world like this one, maybe that really does make him the outlier. maybe that really does mean he's something inhuman.

the thought threatens to make you sick and your lips tremble, scooting closer to hug your face into his warm, toned body as he struggles with the button on his pants. they're soaked and sticking to him and he gives up half-way through, instead moving to cup the back of your head so he can kiss you again. you note that he still tastes like peaches, just as saccharine.

you help him out of his worn jeans — which really is a struggle, thanks to you and your forcefulness — and you try not to be so obvious in your inspection of his dick. on a handful of occasions, you and hitoshi have fooled around and it's always been just like this: desperate. the need to feel skin on skin. to know that you're still alive.

when you wrap a hand around him, he sucks in a breath and groans into your mouth, pressing you back against the tub so he can hike your legs up around his hips. your not as ready as you could be, but you don't even care about that right now; you wet your fingers with your tongue even though you're half in the water and circle the swollen tip of him, watching the lip he digs his teeth into, his eye as it lids, as if he really feels it.

and you want him to really feel it.

the burn is good. the burn is what you want, though the quiet "fuck" he gasps into your ear has you shuddering. bakugou places a clumsy kiss on your cheek, where your tears have dried, and you want to hate him. for what he may be. for how soft he feels, as the water sloshes out onto the floor with every slow grind of his hips.

you want him to fuck you until the ringing is finally gone from your ears — but instead he's careful like he wants this to last, and it only cements something deep in your weary chest, something you might never get out.

his tongue drags across your lower lip until you open your mouth for him and he kisses you deep and messy and wet, so that a thin line of saliva connects you two when he pulls back, and the sight has his hips snapping a little harder. he watches you so intently, hooked on the drop of your mouth, when you tilt your head back to gasp at the ceiling.

"fuck," he hisses again, leaning in to lick a hot stripe up your throat. "y-y'r so—"

you want him to shut up and stop making your heart thunder in your ears, so you press your lips back to his, even if the two of you are just gasping and groaning into one another. there's never been enough time or privacy for anything sentimental and everything between you and shinsou has been quick and wordless, something the two of you hardly acknowledge outside of the moments you need one another.

but this is entirely unfamilair; you can feel yourself growing impatient, a hot desire coiling at the base of your spine as you slip down a little more against the ceramic, to angle your hips up so he can fuck into you hard enough to bring new tears to your eyes. your fingers scrape against the bottom of the tub and he squeezes his eye shut, muffling a long moan into the skin of his shoulder when you clench around him.

his cheeks are warm, you realize, red in the crappy light filtering through the foggy window. flushed, burning with all his blood, and you reach a wet hand up to trace his face, just as he had yours. the action makes him slow, and he angles his head into your palm like a cat, nosing at your dripping fingertips until a small laugh huffs from your nose. bakugou watches you quietly, though a smile ghosts the edge of his lips.

the first one of his you've ever seen.

gently, you slip your fingers under the strap of his eye-patch and he tilts his head so you can pull it loose and —

you don't know what you're expecting: another neon bulb, just like the aqua glow that had tracked you in the dark or maybe a dim light, powered by batteries and wires and his mechanical heart; instead you just find an eye, human and destroyed. cloudy, like the sun behind a post-war haze.

"c'mere," you murmur to him, slipping your ankles up to his shoulders as he thrusts into you shallowly once, stuttering through his breath as he sinks all the way in. you wait until his shoulders are trembling, until you're barely able to speak with the whine in your voice. "i'll—go with you—to kamino."

bakugou nods once, eye so full of something warm and soft and human before he kisses you, punctuating each press of his lips with a harsh rut of his hips. he moves his hand to the edge of the tub, gripping the ceramic so tightly that it creaks before his pace increases, as he drives you closer and closer to the end. one you welcome.

you wrap an arm around his neck and dig your nails into his skin and whisper into his ear, encouraging him; "fuck, yes, katsuki, right—oh—" and he shudders, hardly able to steady himself through your orgasm before his own hits him, has him pulling out late to cum on your half-submerged stomach.

he groans lightly and slumps down onto you, devolving into another lazy, messy kiss as his fingers tangle into your hair. lips sliding against your own, just because, like he can't get enough of it.

bright, aware, alive, he quietly murmurs into the heavy, damp space between you, "don't abandon me."

and you fear that you couldn't even if you tried.

two days trail by in charged silence.

eyes are open at all times in the house, ears, too, as the quite invites itself into every nook and cranny. at times you catch even bakugou holding his breath, muting his still lingering wheeze; it's not getting any better, and you hate to think of what that means, but it's not getting any worse, either, and so you take that for what it is.

he becomes — touchy, obviously so. always feeling you in some way; fingers trailing up the inside of your arm or tucking strays behind your ear, thumbing your lobe gently, as if he's afraid to worsen the damage you're still healing from. you share the sleeping bag and he sleeps with his nose in your hair, breath against the nape of your neck.

sometimes he lays with his head on your chest, just listening to the drum of your heart.

hitoshi doesn't speak to you. hardly looks, with bakugou by your side — and he always is. you can't tell if he's still angry or if it's dissolved into something worse; a wound eating up his skin. the silence from him makes you feel guilty, as if there are sides now and you've picked the wrong one. betrayed him somehow.

the remorse never lasts long though, not when bakugou is following close behind you to the barn out back, sighing into your mouth and hugging your body to his, tight, like he wants to breathe through you.

he's very touchy. eager, as if this is something he hasn't had before.

you suppose you haven't either. not like this.

you're coming out of (what used to be) the kitchen when you see it. brushing tangles out of your hair with your fingers, distracted by the shape of his silhouette in the front of the window.

he's peeking through the boards, always on high alert as aizawa has instructed him to be. his back is to you and you count the crescents you've left on his skin, frowning at how easily they disappear into the constellation of his scars.

now that his head wrappings have come off, you can see the new growth of his hair, what was singed off in the blast he's still never told you about. he's a little damp, just like you, fresh from the bath neither of you really took, and his skin looks extra pink and tender, soft.

and there is a little gray symbol on his scalp, faint and ruined, trying to survive among his wreckage.

maybe you gasp and that's why he turns around; you don't know because you still have a hard time hearing and you disconnect completely from your body, ears ringing like they did only nights ago.

he's without his eyepatch. it's still sitting on the counter, where he tossed it before slipping into the water, between your legs as his mouth found yours. insistent. hungry. like he knew what that even meant.

you don't say anything at first. don't even move. and you watch the recognition come to life in his eye, as his hand slowly goes to the back of his head.

carefully, he says, "it's not what it looks like."

when you don't respond, he takes a step toward you, coming up short when you retreat; a marionette of his movements. whatever is wired in him to display pain does, finally.

bakugou sighs, squeezing his eyes shut before trying again. "i'm not—"

"liar."

his expression falters. a glitch, you tell yourself.

"you're a liar." it's such a simple truth and yet it cuts so deep, all your trust blown to bits as he becomes exactly what you feared he would.

a goddamn infiltrator. another fucking hunk of tin.

you feel sick, suddenly, swollen with regret as your stomach churns. the todoroki corporation must be making them differently, attempting to blend them into what remains of the human population by weaving veins and replicating tissue and sculpting muscle and —

"it's not what you think."

what even spills out of him, when he cums? you've never thought to look before, too distracted by the addicting press of his lips, how he strokes your tongue with his own as if he could never get tired of it. there are only so many places you can find to yourselves; the barn is dark and he wipes your skin off with his own shirt; the bathtub is half-full, sometimes murky from the dirt that the water washes away.

"don't—listen, 'm not like them. it's not like that."

he must be programmed that way to protect himself. to lie, to deflect. all the gentle touching is another line of code they've perfected, meant to leave you thinking of nothing else except for how he feels inside of you.

and you fell right for it. lesson learned.

it's not a little flame that identifies him, like the rest of the 'droids, but a small, cartoon bomb. lit, ready to explode.

aizawa keeps a loaded handgun underneath his pillow, and you lunge for it just as he dives for you.

you hit the floor hard, but so does he, and he's damaged, rusted, and you're able to scoot yourself far away from him, smooth material of the sleeping bag hurrying you along.

bakugou — or whatever he is. it is — only rises up on his knees, arm raised in surrender. just like before. just like the last one.

the second he — it — opens its mouth, you're already screaming, furious.

"fuck you!" the safety clicks; even you hear the echo of it, in the silence of the house.

"no, listen," it begs, alarm and panic and fear generating across its face. sickening, how real it seems. "i need your—"

you bark out a laugh, and it's because your cheeks swell with it that you realize they're wet and that your nose is dripping. "what, my help? digging all our graves, or do you even do that? do you even know what that—"

you choke, suddenly, voice breaking as he — it — tries to scoot closer. you should fire a warning shot or — no, you should just kill him. it.

when you shoot this gun, everyone will come running. they might have already overheard your shouting, with how quiet the property is, and you know once they do, it's over for him.

it.

"you have to believe me."

a trick, you tell yourself. meant to distract you, to take your unease away. scripted to find the softest parts of you, to poison.

sickening, how real it felt.

when you close your eyes, you go back to last night, listening to the audible breath that scratches in your ear. that vibrates against you neck, so that you can feel him, that he's there and safe and alive.

him. bakugou.

you can't look. it's hard enough to find your voice. "how long d-do we have? at least tell me that, before they get here."

"i don't know what the fuck you're talkin' about," an echo. a repeat of the lines he's learned to say to you. "because i'm not one of them, listen—"

bakugou — it — goes silent, and when you open your eyes, the barrel of a rifle is peeking in from the other room, only a breath away from his head.

hitoshi rounds him carefully, slipping around the back of him, urging you to move out of his line of sight. so he can blow him to hell, once and for all.

it.

quietly, the voice — one you know, one you've listened to — tries one final time. "please," it says, cloudy eye pinned to you, as he wears an illusionary sorrow. "don't abandon me."

hitoshi watches you carefully, waiting for you to move and —

(bakugou tucks a hair behind your ear, running the pad of his thumb gently across your browbone. just as you'd done, on the night he lay crumpled at your feet.

good to you, good to each other, in a world rigged to blow.)

you don't.

instead you drop your arms and shake your head. surrendered.

"sorry," you croak, running a hand across your face. "my ears, he—just scared me, that's all."

hitoshi doesn't retreat. if anything, his grip tightens, something flashing in his deep eyes. "don't bullshit me, not me. he's fucked and you know it—"

"you're right," you nod, bottom lip trembling as it — bakugou — watches the tears slip down over your jaw and onto your neck. "but we're leaving."

you close your eyes, blinded by the breath of light that flashes behind your lids. the image of bakugou pressing a kiss into your cheeks.

"i have to get him to kamino."

#[ bakugou ]#bakugou x fem!reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou smut #maybe this is so cringe but human x android romance gets my fucking goat #the IMPLICATIONS the HUMANITY the ROMANCE and UNDERSTANDING #there is so much involved on such an emotional level #not saying that's what this is though 👀#who can say for sure 👀

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