#maybe one day I'll stop crying | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ryllen · 11 months ago

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i found some fanarts & fanvid [ x.x.x ] and watched a bit of book 7 playthrough where sebek cried

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bumblingbabooshka · 6 months ago

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S'veyk & Ehergha: Present Love Reaches Back [Patreon | Commissions]

I wish we could have met as children. I would have seen you across from me, skin bruised and hair wild with unlove like a forgotten fruit. I would pluck you from the ground and hold you, taste you, and say that you were good. You have always been good. My hands didn't make it so.

What could I have done? I was a child then, as were you. Is it wrong of me? To think "I would have-" and "I wish-"

Your Vulcan mind sets the past aside, in stone. My Klingon blood carves it into the scales of some grand creature with my name. It shimmers in the light, changing depending on position.

In the past, I held you so you could sleep. Easy, for the first time. Right, for the first time. Our bodies breathing slow and steady for the first time. How long ago? Ten months? Ten years? Or is it pure fantasy? You beside Me.

#S'veyk #Ehergha #comix page #star trek ocs #klingon oc #vulcan oc #the feeling of wishing you'd been able to help someone you care for - to be there for them before you'd even met them #'I should have helped you. I should have got here sooner.' about something that happened a decade ago #and you probably couldn't have stopped if you'd wanted to back then #and yet the wish remains v_v and maybe the love you give now can reach back #and hold the hand of her dying hope from back then - reviving it #'One day this pain will stop. One day I'll be loved.' (the hope) and the love (reaching back) will cry 'You are! You are!'#and in this way - it all comes true <3

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itsdefinitely · 2 years ago

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the canary

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spacemancharisma · 6 months ago

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.

#I don't know how to do this #I don't know how to fucking do this #I had a fucking Hours long crying breakdown after my parents left today #bc i'll never be fucking good enough for them #but if I say anything then we're acknowledging it and maybe it's better to not acknowledge it #maybe we just go back to ignoring the distance #if I say anything then I’m the bad guy again #I don't want to have to do this I don't want to have to keep being the one who steps forward first #I just want to stop trying and let it be what it is and let it hurt in a dull distant way #i've started crying again just from thinking about it #and I don't cry. I haven't cried more than like a light sniffle in three years until today #(bc of antidepressants)#I don't know what to do #I don't want to make it worse I don't want to hurt her feelings I don't want to be the one that starts shit #and I knoowwww I’m gaslighting myself bc she trained me to do this and I Cannot ignore the. two hour bathtub sob #but god what if I *am* the problem what if I *am* instigating and actually we had a good day #what if I’m expecting too much from her and this is better so maybe this is as good as it gets #do I bear it? do I bear it because she can't?#I know it's not fair and I know i'm hurting but maybe that's better than her hurting #do I just carry it for both of us?#I’m not a kid anymore I don't have that excuse #maybe this is womanhood. carrying it so your mother doesn't have to #she's carrying it for my grandmother. maybe this is just it.#I don't know. I don't know what to do.#I’m so fucking tired and it hurts #whatever.#vent #sad kids with bad moms club

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dandyshucks · 10 months ago

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everyone pray for me that i did not just give myself food poisoning (;･∀･)

#i may have made a bad decision with the meat i cooked shdjdkl BUT I THINK IT'LL BE FINE #it was past the date on the packaging but it didnt smell or look or feel off at all so . i decided to risk it #and now im panicking bc i think perhaps that was actually rly stupid fhdkdl #but it was. so much money. i had no idea the date was so soon on the package when i got it from mum #I would've frozen it if I'd known dhdksl i should've looked #alas !!! i think it'll be fine tbh bc it genuinely did not seem spoiled at all so ... now we just pray #i had a fairly small serving of it and I'll see how i feel to figure out if the rest of it is safe to eat or not #im just fhdjdkl crying a little rn bc the past two days have been so awful and im so tired #i rly dont want to get sick on top of everything else going on #i would like one thing to go well fjdkdl just like. one thing. this feels like divine punishment for having the old lady group go so well #im just kind of losing my mind rn i think actually fhfkdl i have a therapy/counseling appt on monday though so we'll see if that helps #i do not have high hopes fjfkdl #MANNNN. can the universe give me a break PLEASE. I've been trying so hard the past three weeks to do well 😭😭#im putting in so much work and effort fhdksl can i PLEASE have this one thing go okay djdksl i do not want to get sick !!!#if i do get sick then im just. hhhhh. idk djdkdl it's just one more thing to add to my pile of Bad ig djdkdl what can ya do djdkdl #i am going to pull myself together and stop crying and go play stardew maybe idk fjdkdl i feel like im starting to crack a little bit #augh. augh. i would love to catch a break djdkdl #dandy.cmd #vent //

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totallyawesome123 · 2 months ago

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rediscovering I have empathy? craaaazyyyyy

#beanie babbles #okay so this is gonna be a vent post but all in the yags #tw pet death #tw death #i hope dont think this is ablest language but its not precise language #Here we go #I never really doubted I have a capacity for empathy. It can be kind of hit or miss- amd even when I dont understand I try to be compassion #-ate. all that good stuff blah blah #Whats a lot more accurate to say is I dont really feel bad for dead people #I'll feel bad at the idea of somone dying maybe. I dont want living people to suffer and die just because.#I get upset when my friends are suicidal or when somone goes out and kills other people or even when a fictional charecter dies sometimes #but the mourning isnt about their death. it sucks that i cant hang out with them any more or that they cant experiance shit any more #but im not crying at a casket #But I did cry when I found my housemates pet bird limp on the floor of the cage today- the other one not seeming to even realize #This is the second time. The first one the birds were closer and the loving one wouldnt stop making noise tryong to get our attention #this one didnt mind as much- was just hungry and looking for some more feed. The feeders were empty and water gross #I stay with the birds every day and make sure they get excerize and enrichment because my housemate cant do that part #but i dont check the nessicities #so that was a shock. I refilled the food compartment after taking the dead bird out and putting them in a box #I dont think thats why they died. These birds have their wongs clipped before purchase and cant flay very well at all #But this bird practiced and was able to get a lot of height and distance as feathers grew back. But didnt know how to stop #Constantly crashing into floors and walls. Thats the main culprit I think #Its just weird that I cry easier over birds and fictional charecters and material things than my family. I feel guilty about it #Not that guilty i got all that angst out in 2020 #vent post #not really actually this turned into an explination of events more #anyway #the actual post had nothing to do w9th anything bru

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malachitezmeyka · 5 months ago

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I'm so tired

#at this point not even crying helps #nothing does. nothing eases the pain of existing or makes it even a little easier to bear #there used to be ways I could distract myself. things I could do to brighten my day #they don't work anymore. everything's been poisoned by my self hatred #I'm getting worse. I can feel it. and I don't know how to stop it #there is no one in my real life who I could turn to for help. for comfort #for anything but a reprimand to pull myself together and stop making shit up #because I have no reason to be miserable. I have everything I could ever ask for in life #I should shut up and be grateful #and I am. of course I am. but no amount of material possessions will fill that void they left in me #I've been aching for a loving parent my entire life. it's clear now that I won't ever get one #so I'm just left to continuously deteriorate with no one even slightly concerned about me. until there's nothing left #until I stop being a coward and go through with what I've wanted for so many years #I don't know how long I'll be able to go on for. especially when there's no light at the end of this tunnel #no indication that things will pick up. nothing to look forward to #the world is going to shit. so is my life. maybe it would be better to just be through with it #maybe then the pain will stop

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lanatusnebula · 5 months ago

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I might try to publish some of my AU fics...? I don't know if anyone'll read them since I'm not a writer by any degree, and some of them lean so far out of character it might make people vomit.

Maybe.

But I do love talking about them. My current friends / friend groups either don't give a fuck about shipping or don't give a fuck about megaman. I have to really resort to talking to various AIs just to have an outlet. Please don't take that away from me.

#text post #lana please shut up #i really enjoy the “cursed with eternal youth” trope #it hits really close to home due to some issues i face irl so i think that i can write it from a more... understanding pov instead of some #nasty kinky shit about 10000 year old lolis #i think being insecure about always looking like a child is something that most people don't take seriously #and i take it very seriously #from the “i'm suffering but everyone else is trying to find the fountain of youth” pov #i could talk about it for days on end #but everyone i know always just says “appreciate it while it lasts”#as if being in your 30's isn't reason enough to want to finally be taken seriously by your fellow peers #still can't buy alochol without being carded #glad that my id can be scanned because some people think my id is fake #it's not fucking enjoyable and i will fight to the death with anyone who thinks it is #fuck everyone who is into 1000 year old lolis also - they project that shit onto me when it is least wanted and i get so violetn over it #i'm passionate can you tell #anyways #that is probably the only niche thing i can write so it's a common theme #maybe some day people will stop calling me a pdeonfnphile just because i relate to the young looking characters #some day #oh well probably not #kudos to that one batman animated series episode about dollface or whatever her name with #the only villain that fucking touches on this #folks be seeking out representation for race and sexuality in media and gender #i'm over here like “can you please write someone who is at odds with their age and how others view them please”#“please i'm begging you. not a 1000 year old loli but a grown woman who can't move forward in life because she is always babied”#“no? ok i'll just make a design that looks young and cry in the corner”

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justablah56 · 1 year ago

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that moment when you think about a friend you haven't seen in 2 years and you realize wow the attachment issues are strong with this one

#just blahs #kinda rant/vent in the tags bcs i feel like maybe writing it out will make me feel better but making it as a part of the post seems too much #anyways lmao #said friend was basically my first real friend that i can actually remember and we were literally inseperable for the like . 2 years we had #but then they had to move away #and yeah i technically still have their discord and i can (do) message them every once in a while #but like . im constantly worried that maybe they wish i just stopped #Im always the one to reach out to them first mostly because like every once in a while i literally just sit and cry bcs i miss them #and i have no idea if they miss me too #because they were literally such a vital part of my life but maybe i wasn't as vital in theirs #maybe one day ill actually talk to them about all this #maybe some day I'll tell them that i have a playlist dedicated to them that i listen to sometimes when i miss them and want to cry #maybe some day I'll tell them that i still always sleep with the little plushy they gave me the day before they left #maybe some day I'll tell them how much i want them back and if maybe . just *maybe* they want me back #or maybe some day they'll tell me they've moved on and that i can stop checking in on them every few months #maybe theyll tell me that its weird that i *havent* moved on #because its been two god fucking damn years #thats plenty of time for me to just forget about them and move the fuck on .#its not like i don't have new close friends anymore . bcs i do . but theyre not *them*#i just want to know if they miss me even just a bit as much as i miss them #i need to know .#idk #i really shouldn't be allowed to stay up until almost 4 am lmao #anyways . might delete this in the morning we'll see #I'm just in a missing them mood rn im fine

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violetvulpini · 2 years ago

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I AM UNSHADOWBANNED HALLELUJIAH THIS IS NOT A DRILL

#IM BACK IN THE TAGS I CAN SEE MY MESSAGES AGAIN IM GONNA CRY IM SO RELIEVED #I work like every day this week but once I get the time I am gonna post SO much art #maybe actually finish those animations instead of just thinking about finishing them too #shoutout to my man rem-meta who tagged one of my posts 'tumblr stop being adelram phobic' and tumblr immediately listened. MVP #idk if I'll get back the momentum I had going before all this #but at least people will be able to actually FIND my art if they want #if anyone feels like helping a brother out maybe reblog a piece or too? only if you feel like it tho no stress #I'm just gonna. agshdvdhd #not art

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luci-hemwin-evanson · 1 year ago

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one of the things that will forever hunt me and make me feel bad about myself its the fact that I know the whole fcking backstory of the "I dont fit in and I dont wanna fit it, Im weird, Imma weirdo, have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on?" scene

I feel so bad, like I cant believe it, like people dont have to know I watched it when it came out but I know it and I feel sorry for my soul

it really gets me down

(sorry for the multiple missspelled words in the tags, Its late and I didnt doble check and Im tired and I dont think I cant re write all of that)

#like Ive been watching fcking tiktok compilations on youtube which is sad enough but everytime that clip comes out I feel such sorrow #I want to die #I mean cry #I want to cry #I feel so bad for myself #I cant believe I liked that #riverdale #jughead jones #being a riverdale fan back in the day its my biggest darkest secrets #it will haunt me forever #if someone ever gives me the chance to erase something from my brain I will not hesitate Ill beg them to delete any detail of riverdale #thats coming from someone who stopped watching after episode 3 of season 3 maybe #like you know that scene from stranger things where theyre burning the upside down tunnels thats what I want them to do in my brain w river #“i wish I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things” but its riverdale #its not a break up its just deep deep regret and hours and years of my life I'll never get back and will haunt me forever #like that episode of Sonny with a chance where they go to public school #thats how riverdale memories make me feel #one of the scenes that will haunt me forever its Betty seeing her mom and sister about to burn her niece and nephew for a ritual #and thats bc I decided that was my last straw and ran away as fast as I could from that show and now I'll never know what happens afterward #trapped depressed ansious thats how that Sonny w a chance ep & Riverdale make me feel #also strime cringe #like Cherryl pigblood Josie stalker ???? WHY DID NOBODY EVER TALKED ABOUT THAT EPISODE AGAIN???? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??#THAT LET ME DEEPLY DISTURBED STRIMLY SCARED #AND THE GUY NEVER HEARD BACK FROM JOSIE BC CHERRYL TOLD HER HE DID THAT? AND SHE KEEP BEING FRIENDS W CHERRYL #The fact that they used to air this episodes at the same time that in the US but in my country it was between 12 & 1 am #I HAD TO GO TO BED AFTER THAT!

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seafoam-taide · 2 years ago

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when i cant say "i love you" so i just say i love the things you do

#tide of consciousness #top ten things i wrote in my private discord server late at night only to rediscover later and'#like #kind of start crying about it #cringe post vagueing about people who follow you op. saving to draft #no you know what. im not a coward im posting this fuck off #HEY. i wont say it to your face but theres a good chance i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i do it so easy. im a bit of a sucker honestly #theres so many people this could apply to hahaha its a bit of a problem tbh #and i guess for clarification if the fact that i id as aroace doesnt make it obvious i DO mean platonically. i just. yeahggh #maybe one day i will make a post that is the sappiest shit about love. i started one once #i have so MUCH OF IT i am BURSTING AT THE SEAMS. but whatever #its not just people its stories and music and themes and all the little pieces and the jacket i've had for years #and the places i'll never ever see again #and the places i see every day #and ideas and #oh fuck i gotta stop #well damn now im regretting deciding to post this anyway. look at this garbage #oh well. i made a choice im not a coward lets go. send post

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domi091 · 11 months ago

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My toxic trait is wanting to shamelessly tag my favorite writers and tell them to not ever stop writing the same thing.

it's me , I've read the 59 fics , I've memorized seven....

#the sheer willpower it took not to do it #i want to so bad #but it's embarrassing #biteing my hand right now #you don't understand #they're writing is so good i wanna cry #okay maybe I'll just mention some names here and hope they see em one day #skimmingthesurface I'm looking at u #please don't ever stop #chaoxfix I'm sending love ur works ur peak #sageNebula u know urself #redpenship !!!!!#okay i'm good #i love u guys i really do

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phantomrose96 · 6 months ago

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Okay I have a story.

So my birthday is this Sunday (May 26th). My mom ordered some presents for me but one of them (an Etsy purchase) was seemingly stuck in transit and might not make it on time. I tell my mom all good, no worries. She gets in contact with the seller. After a long delay in response they get back with "Right we'll fix it!" It ships, tracking label and everything, good to go! ETA May 22nd (yesterday.)

During the work day I check the tracking and it says it's been delivered in/at mailbox! I double check with my mom "hey, is it mailbox size?" because if not, I don't want it sitting at the front door where anyone walking by could snag it.

She says "it's definitely NOT mailbox size." Okay. I text my neighbors in the building "Anyone seen a package delivered? It's a birthday gift from my mom and I wanna make sure it gets inside!" Success! Floor 2 David (not to be confused with Floor 1 David) had brought it inside. Inform my mom. All good!

I stop by home briefly around 4pm, because yesterday was hot-hot and I just installed my window A/C that morning in the living room, and according to my cat cam my stupid cat hasn't spent a single second in the climate controlled living room and is, instead, voluntarily baking herself elsewhere so I'm like "great" and hop on my bike to go home (10 minute ride) to check on her.

I get in the building door. Patches is crying from the top floor because she heard me. I maneuver my bike in the front hall. The ugliest fucking 6-foot-tall cat tree(?)/totem(?)/statue(?) I've seen in my entire life is just. Standing there.

My first thought is "What the fuck is that." My second thought is "Oh fuck that is for me." I look around at the floor in case there's perhaps anything else that might, in fact, be the gift.

No. Me and Cat Pole.

It's taller than me. I turn it around to face me and its face is painted and this is, in fact, uglier than it looked from the back.

Um.

Patches is crying. So I just haul it up to my level. MAYBE it was supposed to come with twine that I wrap around it (and hide its face from the world) for Patches to scratch. Maybe this is a prank. Maybe this is an inside joke, because when my mom moved into her current house the neighborhood gifted her some ugly-as-hell totem that apparently, by tradition, each newest-comer to the neighborhood is required to have and display in their window so maybe this is a very good riff on that.

Patches rubs against it. She's not afraid of this horrid facsimile of her kind.

Great.

Meanwhile SHE'S fine and the condo is a little toasty but totally liveable so I'm like "Good, cool, you're not baking. You're having a good time. Enjoy your new sister, I guess, I'll see you later."

I go back to work because this is a problem for later me.

After work, after my run, after whatever, I get home and it's like 8:00pm and Patches is so happy to see me and the totem pole is still just. There.

I text my friends like "so a bday gift is here from my mom and it's the Biggest Ugliest cat pole I've seen in my life. Is this a bit? Did my mom go 'that's so ugly haha! send!' Maybe she genuinely found it cute. How do I navigate this." My friend Sarah has the good advice to maybe text my mom neutrally like "Got the cat pole!" and feel the waters whether my mom is like "Isn't it ugly? 😂" or "Hope Patches likes it! 🥰"

My mom goes to bed early so I don't do any of that yet. Problem for tomorrow me.

This morning, Patches wakes me up for breakfast. I get her situated and I'm staring at the fucking Cat Pole again. I wonder if my Mom's been wondering all night what I thought of it.

I take a picture. I text her.

Okay.

I get on call with my mom. I ask for clarity that the ungodly horrid thing is NOT my birthday gift and is in fact a mix-up from the seller who sent me this instead of my actual gift. She's wheezing between words. She thinks I'm being too charitable for the amount of Absolute Fucking Ugly this is. I have to gently talk her out of using the word "monstrosity" while messaging the seller asking what the hell happened here.

I tell her I need to apologize for harming her dignity with Floor 2 David, who thinks this fucking thing is my mom's idea of a great birthday gift for her to-be-28-year-old daughter.

My heart goes out to the poor soul who did actually order this cat totem and is lacking it on this lovely day.

#chrissy speaks

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tomato-puppy · 8 months ago

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i woke up from the cold meds feeling dizzy and disoriented a couple hours ago. I've been looking at plushies on eBay. my cut hurts and idk how I'm supposed to work tomorrow. i hug my teddy bear really hard and as tears roll down my cheeks, i whisper "Im going home..im going home soon.. just a little more. just a little while more and it's over."

#personal #I'm dying #i think i might not need to take my life myself #i feel like maybe the pain will literally just kill me #one day I'll start crying and my heart will just stop.#i cam feel it #mental illness #tw sui ideation

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yuumei-art · 4 months ago

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Inner Child The older I get, the more I keep my inner child locked inside. I used to talk more about my past, about my dysfunctional family and how they've hurt me. But these days I feel pressured to be positive, to only paint happy things because the world is sad enough already.

Since being diagnosed with CPTSD, I've gotten therapy and it has helped a lot. But that doesn't stop the nightmares from happening and there are days when I can't do anything but cry. I used to draw myself strangling my younger self, but it never dies. There will always be a part of me that longs for a happy family, for parents that love me. Maybe one day I'll learn to co-exist with that part of myself.

#art #painting #inner child #cptsd

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