#maybe not to the extent of Tim Stoker

[blazeismyname]

Ok, so I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm madly in love (/hj) with Timothy Bitchboy Stoker. And when I was going to listen to The Mechs, I was told there would be another Tim. I eagerly asked if they were played by the same guy and was firmly lied to with a "yes." I listened to every song before I realized I had been lied to. Chat. My friends. My people. My flock. Don't lie to your friends when it comes to their fictional crushes. They will hold a mildly deep resent for that shit. (If you're seeing this person who lied to me, politely fuck you (/lh))

[inklingofadream]

Question about the cult au: I feel like I remember Gerry saying that if he'd found jon before Jonah, he would have tried to convince the eye that it would be better to leave Jon alone so he could "observe him in the wild" or something like that. Not sure if I'm remembering correctly, but what would have happened if Gerry had found jon first do you think?

Sorry for not answering yesterday, our internet was out! You're absolutely remembering correctly!

Very long post, but not putting in a cut because I don't feel like it

So Gerry finding Jon first is totally plausible because when Jonah has speaking engagements whoever comes with- usually Gerry and Michael- hangs around on campus chatting and trying to start developing people into prospective future members or meals. The speaking engagements are recurring, usually a couple times a year at any given institution, so they often have the opportunity to talk to people several times over the course of a year or two to convince them gradually to join

This has varying success; Actual Golden Retriever Michael Shelley is pretty good at this! Gerry doesn't believe in subtlety/doesn't like tricking people, significantly lowering their success rate via "this is actually, openly a cult. do you want to join our cult?"

So I think that's how they would run into Jon. Crucially, I don't think that this scenario is less morally suspect and invasive. It's more a difference in how much it influences Jon's life. Stalking is technically probably less bad than kidnapping, but it's not great. A fair few people from the Institute end up suddenly spending a lot of time in Oxford. Potentially, someone gets some personal details shifted around/forged and Jonah pulls some strings to get someone like Gerry and/or Michael enrolled. They do that occasionally, because a wide knowledge base keeps the Institute fairly self-sufficient and a good job on the outside brings in money. Probably Gerry, because he can like... function in human society better and has a tiny bit of existing rapport with Jon from their first encounter.

But I don't think Jonah and maybe Gertrude stop pushing for the relocate-Jon plan. I feel like as part of the "see but not understand" thing the Eye latches on when someone first has an idea, so having Jon In The Wild is more appealing the same way having him in the Institute was more appealing in the fic. It isn't choosing strategically, it's picking the first answer presented to it. If other avatars find out about Jon it's game over, he's going to the Institute.

So I think it's less he never gets kidnapped than it is just a VASTLY more disturbing and upsetting lead up. Instead of having 5 seconds of being accosted at his front door, it's months and months getting to know Gerry, and to a lesser extent Michael or one of the Stokers who sans the insta-friends chemistry with Jon, being friends with Gerry, inviting Gerry to his and Georgie's movie nights. Maybe there are even some dates, feeling out the do-we-want-to-be-just-friends vs actually we're an awesome couple. For both of them, maybe, the same one night stand and teasing flirting as with canon Sasha but with Georgie if it's Tim, or Michael or Danny doing a couple dates because Georgie's trying a bunch of things out in the wake of the breakup (Sasha can't be the partner, because her family only joined when she was 14 and non-Gerry members with experience as outsiders don't get to leave the Institute)

Gerry, for the first time in his life, has a social circle of people more or less his own age without any baggage from who his parents were. It's all very real for him, but he can't ignore or forget why he's here, how close both him and Jon are to losing that at any given moment. Maybe he even lets on a little bit of The Spookiness somehow and they have a little sharing circle about Mr. Spider and the dead body and Mary's Leitner collection. It's all very real for him, it's very precious, it's very easy to forget why he's here even with Beholding giving him butterflies every time Jon looks at him. It's an inevitable betrayal that he does not want to do but must

I think maybe, when something happens- maybe something spooky that makes it feel like being free is Not Safe for Jon, maybe someone has some loose lips and lets on to someone at the Usher Foundation or Pu Songling Reseach Centre or worse, someone not directly allied with the Institute- things go very differently.

Gerry isn't just in love-by-proxy with Jon, he knows him. He knows how terrible it is to be sucked into the Institute- he only chose to do so because he was very young and didn't have a single other option, no support system, nothing. Just Mary getting worse and worse, increasingly clear that she was working up to something dangerous and that she did not care if Gerry got hurt in the process. Gerry joined the institute after much thought and negotiation- not usually part of the proceedings but Gerry was someone they wanted more than usual, Eric leaving made them look weak and having Gerry back, even in a situation that sets him apart from everyone else in terms of privileges and allowances, alleviated that "failure". If Gerry had another option he would not have done it- thus the tattoos, ensuring that even more than the contract, Gerry is stuck with them. Jon has options, Gerry knows he has options, he has so much potential and has hopes and dreams and could live a long, happy life never setting foot in the Institute. He has everything Gerry wished he had when he had to choose between signing over his soul or letting Mary wear him down and down and down, carving away bits to test a Leitner, to gain access to things, trying out things that she doesn't want to test on herself, being a regular abusive parent in addition to the spooky stuff

And Gerry has been giving updates on Jon, talking about him and his life. Other cult members are intermittently watching from afar or constructing accidental encounters with him. Gerry knows, the cult knows, that Jon isn't close to many people, but he is close to Georgie. (Behind the scenes, much drama about Being Friends With Your Ex, debating if Georgie is something like a saint due to proximity and friendliness with Jon or the worst because she blasphemously broke up with him (it was a mutually decided breakup, but they sooo don't care.)) I think when they take Jon, they take all Jon accoutrements: if he's been there long enough that they got the planned cat, the cat comes with; Jon's books? coming with; Jon's clothes? favorite pieces come with, because Jonah has decided to be Weird about Jon's clothing and doesn't want too many Frightfully Normal clothes competing; Jon's bedding? he mentioned the Sensory Nightmare of finding replacement sheets that don't Cause Problems because of Texture to Gerry, so the bedding comes but is turned over to Jonah and Gertrude so they can determine what makes a good texture to Jon, RIP the kitty cat flannel sheets Georgie gave him as a half-joke birthday gift.

Georgie is the accessory that comes with your Jon doll. Georgie is coming to the cult. Georgie is having a Really Weird Time, because like... they don't have an endgame. People want to get close to her because of Jon- she doesn't blame Jon, but a lot of that S4 energy is coming out in reaction to other people, and probably results in one or two blowups at Jon rather than anyone else (escalating into a two-way shouting match because Jon is also having Big Emotions). Gerry's name is mud. Jonah, Regency weirdo extraordinaire, is Even Weirder about clothes for her. Jonah's kept up with The Fashion for men, because he needs to fit in on the outside. But a LOT of the time women raised in the cult spend on the outside is if someone is getting a degree to help the cult somehow, and like... you can just Do Whatever on a college campus. There was a guy at mine who wore a Union Soldier reproduction Civil War uniform all the time. It's fine if they look a bit odd, because they have the full time they're studying to figure out what professional attire etc look like.

When Jonah is weird about Jon's clothes, it's very deliberate; know the rules before you break them and such. Georgie gets fancied up for stuff like presenting them to the cult, but it's a hapless sort of weird. Her everyday cult wardrobe was picked out by a combination of Gerry and Gertrude, but Jonah's a control freak about the semi-regular Looking At Jon events. It's a mix of Back In My Day leftovers and whatever random bits of women's fashion he absorbed over the last 200 years. Like as far as underpinnings, we are absolutely not talking about anything more modern than a girdle. Creeper measurements gained while they're drugged or the Eye being able/deciding to share when Jonah wants them have not been used responsibly. Probably there is someone in London still making corsets for sale, if you look. Georgie is allowed to complain about a properly fitted corset, it's not stereotyping the past or being ignorant of how they work, it is actually a coercive and at least half-sexist situation for her. The only good news is that Jonah wants to focus on the event and Jon, so he just sics Sasha on her to play lady in waiting instead of becoming part of that process himself.

I don't think Georgie ever really forgives Gerry and co. All the S4 stuff with not acknowledging the intractability of the situation bc it's never spelled out in so many words and it's easier to be angry, it's safer to detach herself, it's frightening to think about how permanent this is, she doesn't have space to give grace to these people or read into the subtext of how little choice they have. Jon is kept separate from Georgie except for Good Behavior, he's in the thick of it and does not have a support system to be picky about. Georgie isn't operating in a place of fear, she can't, but Jon is. They end up being very careful about that conversation, because they're afraid of what'll happen to Georgie if she and Jon have a friendship breakup, they know and trust each other to be ride or die (if out of touch Georgie lets Jon be a fugitive at her place current daily presence Georgie is not going to let something she knows is not at ALL Jon's fault change that) but having an audience means walking on eggshells. So I think Jon does his best to get over the betrayal and ends up sliding back into friendliness because it's the best of a bad lot, he will actually go insane otherwise. Georgie I don't think ends up at more than a stalemate with Sasha (who she sees a lot bc of the Jon inner circle she's The Girl and, again, Jonah's an old-fashioned weirdo). Jon agitates for more freedom for Georgie, but they're still trapped.

The other bright spot is that I don't think they lose the Stokers. Escape means getting BOTH of them out. Gerry lets on how futile getting in touch with the cops is in a Super Normal Non=Suspicious Way. Even if the cops were helpful, TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside secret building addition is not the kind of place you can get a search warrant for. If Georgie gets out on her own, no one is coming back for Jon (Jon tries to convince her to do it anyway), and if Jon escapes alone... he just can't. What would they do to Georgie? He knows, experiences and is increasingly aware, that Jonah can be vicious and petty. Georgie is not valuable on her own. Maybe she'd be fine, because they need bait to get Jon back, but "alive" is an awfully low bar when Jonah could use anything in Artefact Storage on her, can whittle ties to life down to the tiniest thread if he wants. The logistics are too complicated. If Danny breaks Jon out, he insists they go for Georgie and they don't make it out. They trip something, Jonah shows up, and the Stokers are saved by a) plausible deniability, Jon is cut off from everyone because of things like this, giving him things Jonah doesn't want him to have and b) Jon just like. hanging off the Stokers. All misgivings abandoned, Stokers is my best friend now.

So all in all I don't think it's better for Jon, it's just different.

[voiceless-terror]

Something to Talk About (TMA Fic)

Written for @jontim-week Day One: Rumors/Protect, warnings in tags

Rating: T

Words: 3,049

Summary: Jon and Tim deal with workplace rumors.

He’s only at the institute for six months when the rumors start.

Tim understands them, to a degree. He knows he’s liberal with his smiles and quick to charm, naturally affectionate and thinks nothing of an arm around the shoulder or a nudge to the side. Winking comes as easily as breathing. So yeah, he’s aware of how he comes off. People make assumptions, particularly in his case, as he’s been known to swing either way. It’s shitty and stereotypical, but sad to say he’s used to it.

What he doesn’t like, however, is when it involves his friends.

Tim’s friendly with most everyone, but he’s fallen into a group. When he first started, Sasha was assigned to train him and Tim’s not blind. She’s gorgeous, rivaling him in height and an even deadlier smile. She’s smart as a whip, willing to trade (occasionally hurtful) barbs and unafraid to give the bluntest of criticisms. And she’s a little strange too- she can wax poetic on the most esoteric of subjects, and wields her keyboard like a lethal weapon. Tim doesn’t want to know what she’s dug up on him. Sasha James is exactly his type...and very much not interested, despite the one night they spent together. She made it clear it wouldn’t be going any further and though it took time to get over that, he’s lucky to now count her as a friend. 

And Sasha and Jon are a package deal.

They’re an odd pair- Sasha, tall and imposing, Jon, scrawny and anything but. Jon kept to himself, barely spoke a word to Tim apart from a curt introduction, but with Sasha he shared an easy rapport. The two could spend hours debating the finer points of research methods- and if Tim was shocked by Sasha’s blatant disregard for privacy, he was even more so by Jon’s disregard for the law. Tim could spend hours listening to them snark back and forth, not getting a word in edgewise. At first glance he assumed they were dating, but when he tentatively broached the subject with Sasha, he got an almost mocking laugh. “Romance? Not my thing. And it’s very much Jon’s. We would not work out.”  

At first, Jon doesn’t seem interested in anything but work. He nods briskly at Tim as he sits across from him at his desk, occasionally answers a question or includes him on his tea run, but that’s about the extent of it. He stumbles through small talk, showing none of the easy grace and elegance of discussions with Sasha. After a few weeks, though, he opens up a bit more, allowing that deadpan humor to slip into conversations. He smiles (it’s crooked, a tiny thing but so endearing) and he lets out an occasional snort of laughter. He’s an encyclopedia of supernatural knowledge, able to practically recite his favorite passages and always eager to seek out new information. There’s nothing he enjoys more than thoroughly researching and debunking a case, and Tim can respect that. If he’s got a question on an article or a scholar, Jon’s the first one he approaches. He never asks questions, never pries. Tim appreciates that.

The two of them can make Tim genuinely laugh. Something he hasn’t done in the longest time.

They’re seen together more often than not. They’re a trio: if one’s on a case, it means the other two are as well. They’re a great team. So it’s natural that people would start to talk, make assumptions. The rumor mill is out of control; as it turns out, scholars need more than spooks to get them through the day. It starts with a few offhand comments about him and Sasha, ones that Sasha’s quick to shut down, even if there’s some truth to them. She’s never been afraid to speak her mind or come off as rude. It’s a trait Tim finds very admirable. 

But then it turns to him and Jon. 

He’s heard the snickers in the breakroom when they come in together, the arm around Jon’s shoulder mistaken for something beyond platonic familiarity. It’s not that he wouldn’t date Jon- he sees beyond Tim’s veneer, appreciates his intelligence as much as his wit, and isn’t bad looking himself. He’d consider asking him out if Jon weren’t so clearly uninterested in that sort of thing. People must mistake his blushes and stammer for a crush instead of his naturally shy and flustered demeanor. He puts up a good front for the others, scowling and snapping at most who cross his path, but he’s definitely a softie, Tim feels it in the way he leans into his side like a plant starved of sunlight. Jon needs someone in his corner that sees him too. 

So when Tim hears the mocking words in the break room, he loses it.

“Another notch on the bedpost, eh Stoker?” Marcus, the irritant from accounting with a perpetual sneer and permanently wrinkled shirt, says from his seat at the room’s sole table. “Didn’t think Sims was one to put out, but-”

“Shut the fuck up,” Tim snarls, almost dropping his mug as he whirled around and stalked over to him. He’s almost surprised at the venom in the words, but the man took it a step too far. He knows those comments would be incredibly uncomfortable for Jon. And to be honest, he’s a bit pissed on his own behalf- can he not have a friend without someone assuming they’re sleeping together? 

Marcus immediately scoots back the two inches he can in his chair, attempting to hide his fear with a snide smile. It doesn’t work. “Whoa, calm down- didn’t think this was such a touchy subject for the likes of you-” 

“The fucks that supposed to mean?” He takes a step forward, reveling in Marcus’s flinch. Not such a tough guy now, eh? Tim’s not going to hurt him, no matter how much he wants to. But it’s an old wound reopened- he doesn’t need this reputation, and he doesn’t want Jon to go down with him.

“I-I-”

“I hope to god you haven’t said that around him,” he snarls, jabbing a finger in Marcus’s chest. “And you’re going to stop it with this shit before it gets round to him. We aren’t dating, we aren’t fucking. Me and Jon? Not a thing, never have been, never will be. Do you understand me?” Marcus stutters, swallowing nervously. Tim takes a step closer, leans as close as he can and narrows his eyes. “I said-”

“Yes, yes! Christ, I get it!” He puts his hands up in a placating gesture, as if trying to calm a wild animal. He’s scared. Good. “I’ll shut it, alright? Just- back the fuck up.”

Tim stares for a moment, relishing in the man’s fear, before giving Marcus a cheery grin. “Well! As long as we’re understood. See ya around!”

He turns on his heel and walks out, attempting to calm his racing pulse. Tim’s not one for confrontation, he prefers calm discussion over impulsive anger.

Sometimes, however, it gets the job done.

________

And now Jon’s avoiding him.

Well, not really. He still sits at the same desk, gives him his usual morning greeting and answers any work-related questions. But he doesn’t join in on any of their conversations, he dodges any attempt at familiarity that he used to lean into. He skips their lunches with the excuse of being too busy, and barely smiles in Tim’s direction. He didn’t realize how much he relied on that affection until it stopped. It stings.

Maybe someone said something to him, maybe the rumor got around? He’s going to kill Marcus if that’s the case, but when confronted, the man insists he shut up, and Tim’s inclined to believe him, if the ‘I’m going to shit my pants’ look he gave him was any cue. He wants to ask Jon about it, but that could make him more uncomfortable than he already is. If Jon needs space, Tim’s going to give it to him. No matter how much it hurts.

So he goes along with it, starts talking to him less and less, stamps down the urge to crack a joke or throw an arm around his shoulder. Doesn’t ask him to after work drinks. 

That doesn’t stop him from checking in on Jon every so often, leaving a protein bar on the days he works past lunch, bringing him coffee before he gets in and saying it’s from Sasha. They’re at a strange impasse, but Tim’s starting to accept the new routine.

Sasha isn’t.

“Can you two just talk?” She asks one day over shitty sandwiches in the canteen. “I can’t stand this tense atmosphere you’ve got going. What happened?”

Tim sighs, pushes away his plate and runs a hand through his hair. “There were all those rumors going about, remember? I told Marcus to fuck off, but I think Jon caught wind of something, and I don’t want to make him uncomfortable-”

“Are you serious?” Sasha interrupts with a groan and a roll of her eyes. “Make him uncomfortable? Tim, I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s around you. He’s relaxed, he smiles. You don’t know how rare that is. We’ve known each other for two years, and he’s around you for six months and suddenly he can talk about something other than work.”

Tim tries to ignore the flutter in his stomach at the words. He couldn’t have made that much of a difference, Jon would do that with anyone, given the chance to open up. It’s not Tim’s doing. “Well, he’s the one avoiding me! I’m trying to give him space, really-”

“Space? Communicate!” Sasha slaps her hand down on the table with every syllable, startling the few others in the room. “You’re grown men, not children.”

“Communicate?” Tim snorts. “That’s rich, coming from the ice queen herself. You didn’t talk to me for a week after I made fun of that stupid show you love-”

“Time Team was an excellent programme, and I won’t be hearing any more slander.” She stood up, her chair squeaking back with the force of it, and picked up her tray to glare down at him. God, was she good at that. “Either talk to Jon, or I’ll go back to the silent treatment. And I’m great at it.”

Sasha follows through with her threat. She doesn’t talk to him for the rest of the day, studiously ignoring his questions and jokes, at one point propping a book up like a shield. It’s childish. And very effective. 

Looks like he’s going to have to talk to Jon.

______

“Did I do something wrong?” 

Jon jumps at the words, almost dropping the book in his hands. Tim’s managed to corner him in one of the more secluded areas of the library that Jon’s taken a recent liking to. Wonder why, Tim thinks with not a small amount of sarcasm.

Jon takes a step back, blinking innocently. “What?”

“You’ve been avoiding me these past couple of weeks.” Tim leans against a bookshelf, trying to seem nonchalant despite his clear nerves. He doesn’t want to seem threatening or accusatory, and Jon could very easily bolt.  “You never come to lunch, or talk with me and Sash. I just want to know if something’s wrong.”

Jon dodges his gaze as he hugs the book to his chest like a shield. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” Tim heaves a sigh; he’s going to have to be more blunt. Jon clearly wants to avoid the conversation, but he’s always responded better to clear phrasing and direct questions.

“Look, I don’t know what rumors you’ve been hearing,” Tim runs a hand through his hair nervously, carefully choosing his words. “But if I’m doing anything that makes you uncomfortable-”

“Me?” Jon lets out an incredulous laugh that gives Tim pause. “No- I - I thought I was making you uncomfortable.”

Tim stares. This was not a possibility he prepared for when practicing in front of the mirror. How could Jon think that? Was it something he said? Did? Now he’s running through their interactions, trying to pinpoint a time where he might have seemed cold or distant.

“B-Being clingy, I don’t know.” If Jon hugs that book any harder, it’s liable to break. “Getting too close, getting the wrong idea. I know you don’t like me in that way, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with those rumors. That’s not fair.”

“What?” Clingy? Now that’s a word he never thought he would hear applied to Jon.

“I heard you. W-With Marcus. In the break room.” Jon bit his lip, a habit Tim always chided him on. He controls the urge to do it now. “You seemed so mad. And I didn’t want to be the cause of any more rumors for you, so I thought it best to...well, avoid you.”

Tim squints at him in confusion. Jon thinks he’s protecting Tim. The thought is both amusing and heartwarming, and he doesn’t know what to do with it. “I mean- yes, I was mad about that, but I...I didn’t want you to have to hear that. I know how uncomfortable that shit makes you, and Marcus is an ass- he won’t let up until you put him in his place. Besides, I don’t care about that dick and whatever he thinks. I care about you.”

“O-Oh,” Jon mumbles, looking to the ground and shuffling his feet. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, as if trying to find the courage to voice his thoughts. When he finally speaks, his voice is barely audible. “It’s j-just...you made it sound so awful.”

Tim’s face softens. “Made what sound awful?”

“...Dating me.” Oh.

“Oh, Jon.” The mumbled words tug at his heartstrings. he really didn’t think Jon cared about all of that, but the man does have feelings. Tim could see how the words would hurt, and the vehemence he said them with probably didn’t help. He takes a tentative step forward, like he’s approaching a spooked animal, but Jon accepts the hand reaches for his shoulder, still not meeting his eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Anyone would be lucky to have you-”

“But not you.” 

Tim freezes and Jon shuts his eyes tightly, as if waiting for a blow that won’t ever come. He shrugs off Tim’s hand and starts to back away. “I’m sorry, forget I said anything-”

“Hang on,” Tim starts, gazing at the trembling man in front of him as a thought suddenly occurs. He doesn’t- he couldn’t- “What was that?”

“I-I-”

Tim takes a step closer. Jon doesn’t move. “Do you- did you like me?”

“Yes! No! I-I don’t know!” He reaches up to run a hand through his hair, wincing as it gets stuck in his messy bun. Tim would’ve laughed if he weren’t also spiraling. “But you clearly don’t like me, and that’s fine-”

“Why didn’t you say something?” Jon liked him. And Tim- Tim could’ve done something about it. “We could’ve-”

“I did!” Jon cries out, waving his book emphatically. “I asked you out and you said no! Months ago.”

Tim pauses. Huh? He runs back through as many conversations as he can remember, trying to think of any occasion where Jon might have asked him out, and comes up blank. Tim’s not that oblivious. “Okay, you’re going to have to help me out here. When exactly did this happen?”

“Back in December,” Jon says, as if talking to a child. “I told you about that new bookstore that opened near my flat.”

“..Okay.” He vaguely remembers Jon enthusing about this, but not very clearly. 

“They have a cat there, too.” Ah, now he remembers. Jon’s face always lights up when he talks about felines, and he’s seen more than a few pictures of a fat tabby on his phone. It’s adorable.

“I’m following.”

“And how they had a fairly comprehensive history section.” Another beat. Jon’s looking at Tim like he’s supposed to be getting the picture. He is not. “And the café next door. That sold the chai lattes you like.”

“I do like a latte.”

“And then you said, and I quote! “Sounds like your scene.” and turned back to your desk.” Jon crosses his arms, triumphantly. Apparently, he’s proven a point. Tim does not see this, and he’s pretty sure Jonathan Sims is the most infuriating man he’s ever met in his life. 

“Jon, there wasn’t a single question in that statement. You just monologued about a bookstore-”

“The question was implied!”

“Oh my god-” 

“And you turned around, and it seemed like you weren’t interested and I-I didn’t think I could handle if you said that to my face so I just- I dropped it, okay? It’s fine.” At this Jon loses all momentum, hunching his shoulders as if trying to disappear. He most certainly doesn’t look fine. 

And Tim’s going to change that.

“All this time,” he begins dramatically. Jon deserves a bit of theater. “All this time, we could’ve been going to bookstores, and having lattes, and-”

Jon’s head shoots up, his eyes going comically wide. “What?”

“What I’m trying to say,” Tim puts a hand on his hip, gives him the Stoker Smirk. Jon gulps. “Is the offer still on the table? Bookstore cat and all?” He watches as Jon gapes at him, suddenly fumbling with his book, as if suppressing a little stim of the hands.

“R-Really?”

“Course. Unlike some of us, I can ask a man a question.” Jon blushes even as he scowls. Tim’s looking forward to seeing more of that. “Whaddya say?”

“I-I’d like that.” He watches as Jon tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, suddenly demure. He hazards a glance up at Tim and lets out a little laugh. “I’m a bit of an idiot, aren’t I?”

“No more than I am,” Tim replies, throwing an arm around his shoulder and remembering just how right it feels to have Jon nestled against his side. He missed that. “Now, what’s the cat's name?”

“Spoons!” Jon perks up, his smile widening. “I think you’ll really like him.”

The rumor mill is gonna have a field day with this one. And for once, Tim doesn’t mind.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061116

[eldritchqueerture]

Hi!! I'm posting just after finishing because I know I haven't been posting new One For The Memory chapters and I wanted to post something. Also I crave attention so there's that. Leave a comment and you will receive a Hug!

Warnings for quite a lot of dissociation (who would've guessed); monster jon just means additional eyes, nothing graphic. If you need me to add anything, please let me know!

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Relationship: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James (although they're more mentioned than present really)

Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Dissociation, Light Angst, Fluff, This is just projecting, thought maybe someone would find it interesting/entertaining, The Lonely as a Metaphor for Dissociation, No beta we kayak like Tim, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Monster Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Established Relationship, Touch-Starved

Summary: Martin is watching the butterfly and he feels his vision blur, just a bit. It’s a gentle, pleasant mist that caresses him almost lovingly and he gives into it immediately, without having time to think. He’s still there, listening to the conversation; he smiles at the jokes, and he relishes the sound of Jon’s voice; but he’s not in his body anymore. He doesn’t really know where – or if – he is, but it’s nice. The burden of physicality, of having to react to what’s being said according to social rules is gone and he can just exist in the moment, longingly thinking of being a real part of what he’s watching. He does long for it; even though he willingly gives into the mist, he yearns for being real, for not feeling superficial, for being an organic part of the conversations. It’s just easier this way. It’s easier for everyone this way and no one actually suffers because of it. The mist is gentle, and the wistfulness feels sweet; an indulgence. --- In which I project onto Martin heavily and he deals with dissociation that the remains of The Lonely's influence cause.

(Text under the cut!)

Martin sometimes struggles with the remains of the Lonely. It creeps up on him when he’s alone for too long, when something gets too stressful, or if it just feels like it. It definitely always appears when he’s feeling nostalgic; like now.

He can’t really tell what causes the nostalgia; the sun is shining, it’s warm and pleasant, and he’s with Jon, Sasha, and Tim, sitting in the park, chatting. They’re talking about a butterfly that has just landed on a flower nearby; Jon is providing some practical trivia on the type of the butterfly, dazzling Sasha with the extent of the knowledge the Eye provides him with.

Martin is watching the butterfly and he feels his vision blur, just a bit. It’s a gentle, pleasant mist that caresses him almost lovingly and he gives into it immediately, without having time to think. He’s still there, listening to the conversation; he smiles at the jokes, and he relishes the sound of Jon’s voice; but he’s not in his body anymore. He doesn’t really know where – or if – he is, but it’s nice. The burden of physicality, of having to react to what’s being said according to social rules is gone and he can just exist in the moment, longingly thinking of being a real part of what he’s watching. He does long for it; even though he willingly gives into the mist, he yearns for being real, for not feeling superficial, for being an organic part of the conversations. It’s just easier this way. It’s easier for everyone this way and no one actually suffers because of it. The mist is gentle, and the wistfulness feels sweet; an indulgence.

He keeps dragging himself back when he notices someone looks at his body; sometimes, he says a few words. The mist is always there when he goes silent, and his friends’ attention is turned elsewhere. Martin minds only a little bit.

He yearns for Jon to touch him; to hold his hand, to put an arm around his shoulders; to hold him in his arms and remind him that he’s not invisible, not immaterial. That he exists and he’s real. But he can’t bring himself to ask for it; can’t bring himself to initiate the contact even when they get up after the butterfly flies off, and they continue on their walk, discussing music. Martin walks next to him, but his eyes get stuck on a point ahead, and his vision blurs again. His legs are still walking, but is he really the one controlling them? He might as well not be; it doesn’t really matter.

There’s an eye on the outside of Jon’s palm. It’s a small, green eye, without an eyelid, that stares out into the world. There’s a number of such eyes on Jon’s body and they all already got used to them. The eye now stares at Martin, and follows him with its unblinking gaze, but Martin knows that Jon won’t look inside his head, as he promised a long time ago. He can probably see how he’s drifting away, though, and Martin makes sure to drag himself back to reality, at least for a little bit. For him.

It doesn’t take long for the mist to claim him again.

When the sun disappears behind the buildings of London, and the sky slowly darkens, they say their goodbyes to Tim and Sasha, and turn to go back to their flat. Jon grabs his hand now and Martin can’t stop the sigh of relief escaping his mouth. It feels like he’s been floating, untethered and out of control, and now finally, he caught an anchor back to the ground. He squeezes Jon’s hand.

“Are you alright?” Jon asks softly. Martin nods and hums, but his eyes get caught on a part of the sidewalk a hundred meters ahead. He can feel Jon’s head turn towards him, a glowing eye on his forehead trying to penetrate his mind, but the two brown eyes below it are gentle and caring; Jon won’t open the door without permission. “Martin?”

Martin blinks and smiles.

“Yes, I’m… I’m fine.”

“You’re fading away,” Jon says quietly, and Martin puts all of his effort into not getting caught on a bright flower display on their right.

“Yeah,” he nods and shrugs. “Happens sometimes.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Jon rubs his thumb on Martin’s skin and it’s a strong enough pull for him to be able to look properly at Jon.

“At home,” Martin gives him a half smile and Jon nods in agreement.

They make the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Martin fades away again, a sense of guilt tugging at his insides; he’s painfully aware that he’s not much fun to be around when he gets like this. The need to feel useful, to somehow entertain is nagging at his mind but he knows he doesn’t have anything to say. Should he feel guilty for it?

When they enter the flat, Martin immediately gets the kettle running and takes two mugs from the cabinet. The action is familiar enough that he doesn’t have to think about the movement of his arms a lot, as they remember the steps on their own. Martin is lost in his thoughts, swirling in grey, that, even though his hands are interacting with the world around him, he’s actually just floating around, as the mist that only he can see. Jon is busying himself with something on the couch and as Martin watches his hands pour the hot water from the kettle to the mugs, Jon approaches him and carefully looks at his face.

“I’m here,” he whispers and places one hand on Martin’s waist from behind and the other on his cheek; his fingers gently push his face to turn to face Jon, and Martin doesn’t resist. He’s back in his body and when Jon places a kiss on his lips he finally feels that he’s really there, solid, filling up the entirety of his body. Jon’s fingers brush along his jawline and he pulls away to look him in the eyes. Martin smiles. “Want to go cuddle?”

“More than anything,” Martin says, and he takes his mug. Jon’s hand moved from his waist to his hand, and he grabs his own mug in the free hand, not letting Martin go. He appreciates it.

They sit down on the couch, placing the mugs on the table, and Jon extends his arm to wrap it around Martin, who lays his head in the crook of Jon’s neck and sighs contentedly. Jon’s hand is rubbing circles into his shoulder, and he plants a kiss on his head.

“Do you still want to talk?” Jon asks quietly and Martin reaches out for his hand. It’s easier here when they’re alone.

“I’m getting Lonely,” he says, looking at Jon’s hands and intertwining their fingers. He can see the pockmark scars around the green eye that stares at him with the same non-judgemental intensity. “I did, I mean. Not now.”

“Do you know why?”

Martin feels Jon’s cheek pressed to the top of his head and his cheeks flush a little; he feels safe and supported; loved. Jon’s touch is his anchor, and he will not let it go.

“Don’t know,” Martin moves his head slightly. “It sometimes comes back in the evenings; I guess it’s… more pronounced when I’m with people? I’m sorry it happened today.”

Jon pulls away to look Martin in the eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reaches his hand to stroke his cheek. “I hope you know that.”

Martin gives him a slight smile.

“I do,” he sighs and looks down. “Still, I know I’m not exactly… fun to be around like this.”

He looks back up and finds Jon frowning.

“I hope one day I can make you believe it,” he starts slowly and quietly, with that gentle, caring tone that Martin knows is for him. “But I’m more than fine to remind you just how much you mean every day for the rest of our lives.”

Martin huffs out a flustered laugh and rolls his eyes; Jon’s hand rests on his neck as he looks into his eyes with a hint of a smile on his lips.

“You don’t have to be ‘fun to be around’, whatever that even means,” Jon continues and his other hand grabs Martin’s. “I value your presence. I—I need you by my side, even,” Jon lets out a laugh. “You don’t have to be useful to have value. Just being here is enough.”

Martin looks Jon in the eyes and can’t stop a smile forming on his lips, along with heat prickling at his cheeks.

“I love you, Jon,” he says simply and plants a kiss on his cheek. Jon smiles back at him, brushing away Martin’s too long hair from his face.

“I love you too, Martin.” He responds and they embrace again, savouring the warmth and comfort of each other’s presence.

[lighthausen]

[Into the Archiverse, if you're feeling up to it!] Okay so Gertrude in the archivist in Johns timeline before she died, but who are the other archivists from the other timelines?? I'm guessing there is at least one Sasha Archivist buy who else do you envision on the multi-dimensional Archivist team?

Ooooh!!! Great question!

You are absolutely right, Sasha is definitely one of the Archivists. Let’s explore who we’ve got so far.

First we of course have Gertrude B. Robinson, an older and messier version of this universe’s Gertrude. She’s been at it for decades, and it’s been exhausting. She was sucked into this other universe at a particularly low point in her life. Her own Gerry (the Aunt May in this scenario) recently passed and she and Agnes just got a divorce. Bummer.

Sasha James... we haven’t decided how people get their Archivist Powers, yet. It’s absolutely got something to do with the Web. Anyway, she’s been at it for a couple of years and understands what’s going on. Gertrude could be the perfect “Uncle Ben” type stand-in in her backstory?? I’m not sure how she’d function in the plot, but she’d definitely be there. 

After these two, I’m a bit more wishy-washy about who could be on the team. So here’s some options:

Eric Delano, thrown into this world through Mary’s machinations. Mostly works to keep his son safe and out of this supernatural world.

Adelard Dekker. Experienced and badass. I’m sure something interesting could be done with his Extinction subplot. Same with John Amherst.

Speaking of John Amherst, Melanie King. She’s suspicious about her father’s death and goes to investigate. Naturally, she’s horrified by what she finds and dedicates her life to fighting monsters like him (and somehow gets Archivist powers along the way?? Eh. Changeable. Maybe she just gets them while filming something somewhere she shouldn’t have. Finds out about her father later on? That tracks a bit more, tbh.) On one hand, her being here makes wtgfs difficult but on the other hand... imagine if she was a bit like Gwen in that she runs into Jon before he gets his own powers. Maybe she’s got like... ghost hunting equipment and she’s using it to figure out why the hell she’s in this other world. I can totally imagine she and Jon bumping into each other and Jon being a total asshole, insulting her work, supernatural isn’t real, etc. etc. Whatever he does, she cannot stand him afterwards, and them meeting again will be hilarious. And, y’know, she could still be a youtuber in her own reality? Getting incredible footage of the elusive Archivist a la Peter’s photography? Actually the more I think about this, the more I love it, Melanie is in.

Tim Stoker? Thrown into this world investigating his brother’s death? Oh, then he could also lose his own Sasha? Oh that’s sad :(

Basira Hussain. Daisy’s kinship with the Hunt gets her involved in the supernatural world. I can imagine her becoming the Archivist in an attempt to protect Daisy.

And that’s about the extent of ideas I have at the moment! Thanks for the ask!