#maybe not phobia but extreme distrust | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bloody-fists-beating-hearts · 4 years ago

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💍🍵🧠✨🎁⚡ for coyote please!

💍 Coyote has quite a few sentimental items that she keeps on her person or incorporates into her outfit. Although she isn’t an outwardly emotional type, she does have some emotions. Her items are: a feather from Follows-Chalk’s hat, made into an earring, a deathclaw tooth necklace that is wrapped around the handle of her knife, that came from when she clearing out quarry junction with boone (boone has a matching one so its basically a friendship bracelet). A luck star cap on a necklace, a tattoo that her mother gave her the day before she left and a postcard of Santa Monica pier that she picked up when she was young, and has instilled in her a desire to see the ocean.

🍵 even though her being courier six gives her some notoriety, Coyote was reasonably known in the criminal underbelly of New Reno and later on the postal circuit when she went legit. There are rumours of her being a psychotic drug addicted cannibal, a murderer-on-the-run, a prostitute who killed her pimp, the last member of an long dead tribe. Some of those are true.

🧠 Coyote’s mental health is both extremely solid and non existent. She’s kind of nuts, but in a way that works for a post apocalyptic hellhole where kindness and normalcy is secondary to survival. She’s impulsive, rude, selfish, almost completely self-centered, and her sense of humour usually involves strategically placed land mines. The upside to this is that she’s an incredibly useful person to have in your pocket - provided you can motivate her enough. Her time in the Sierra Madre changes her, her claustrophobia worsens a little and she becomes more violent towards anyone who tries to order her around or might be a threat to her.

✨ Coyote would definitely be some sort of trickster-god or a god of good luck in personal endeavours. Her offerings would be money, ammunition and sharp objects, her followers would be the dregs of society, thieves, prostitutes, smugglers who are hoping to strike it rich. Her ‘shrines’ wouldn’t be allowed in normal places of worship, so they’d be hand-made from scrap in areas away from the eye of the law. Coyote is the embodiment of survival, shirking authority, and making your own path on your own two feet. Her teachings would encompass things like self-sufficiency, superstitions, thieving and scams. Despite this there would be a sort of honour code amongst the followers, no outright murder, paying back favours that are given to you, and not backstabbing someone who isn’t trying to screw you first.

🎁 Coyote is an incredibly practical person. Anything that she can eat, drink, smoke or use will get you in her good books. Anything useless yet expensive she will appreciate, only because she’ll sell it later. Books or hand made sentimental objects don’t hold her interest much, unless she really, really likes you. Coyote assumes everyone likes gifts like she does, so her gifts are also often ammunition, food, or in a few cases, killing someone who you didn’t like much. For those she is particularly close to she’ll give the greatest gift she can muster - loyalty. She won’t fuck over people who she considers friends and may even help them with things. This means a lot coming from someone who lies, cheats, robs and steals things out of habit more than necessity.

⚡ Coyote is claustrophobic, and hates tunnels, caves, vaults and basically anything cramped and underground. She won’t have a panic attack but she will be on edge the entire time, getting more twitchy the longer she’s inside, wasting more ammo, maybe taking some chems to get the edge off. Her normally short fuse is now millimetres long and somebody who is getting in between the way of her leaving is most likely going to be shot and killed

another fear of hers is having her personal freedom restricted. She hates any sort of attempt to control her but her time in the Sierra Madre exacerbated this and she does get flashbacks or even panic attacks whenever she has something tight around her neck or put over her head (like a bag or a blindfold). she also hated radios for a while afterwards. A panic attack for coyote isn’t a shut-down, rather she’ll just get increasingly agitated until she’ll basically go feral, biting and scratching at whatever’s restraining her until she’s calmed down, knocked out or its removed.

Lastly while this isn’t a phobia per se, coyote hates robots. The only robots she likes is ED-E, the rest of them she doesn’t trust. The more human a robot pretends to be the more she distrusts them. After her time in the Madre, and later the Big MT, she also developed a hatred for basically anything with a ‘screen’. It’s one of the reason she kills mr house and the MT scientists. She has a caveman brain.

#oc asks #coyote #oc coyote #courier six #fnv #bbbetty

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fasterthanmydemons · 5 years ago

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🤡, 🥀 (Wanda), 😍 and 🐲 for the ask meme (hope the sick mun feels better soon! The transition from winter to spring sucks xDD)

(Thank you, I am feeling much better! Still coughing a bit, but definitely feeling so much better than I did earlier in the week.)

🤡 Do they have any phobias or irrational fears?

Pietro does have some phobias, although I would not exactly call them irrational. His phobias stem from traumas he’s experienced and aversions that he’s developed because of that.

Fear of falling: He’s not afraid of heights or falling over a ledge, but rather the sensation of the ground giving way beneath his feet or of falling into a large hole, like a sinkhole or something. This comes from seeing his parents fall into the hole created by the shell dropped on their apartment building when he was ten. Pietro has PTSD regarding this event for numerous reasons (as does Wanda) that has resulted in him having a very distinct fear of being drawn into or falling into a hole and dying. Even things like earthquakes or thunder that can shake the ground might send him into a flashback or panic attack, because he would feel the ground moving under his feet and immediately be brought back to that feeling he had when he was ten.

Fear of loud noises: Thunder, cars backfiring, transformers blowing, explosions, guns going off, things like that will make Pietro jump, become nervous, and maybe even panic. This is because it reminds him of the sounds of bombs being dropped and exploding, again taking him back to when he was ten, but also after Ultron in an AU where he survives, gunshots would be a traumatic thing for him to hear because there is so much pain and suffering attached to hearing those types of sounds.

Fear of being touched: Pietro has an extreme aversion to being touched by people he doesn’t know. I mean if he’s gotten into some girl’s good graces and a one-night stand is in question, he’s fine with that sort of thing, heh... and with Wanda he is always 100% okay with her touching him, but anyone else is going to get a pullback and maybe something more if they don’t stop. Especially soldiers, scientists, and doctors. This fear comes from the abuse he suffered in the Hydra laboratory. Pietro learned that when people come at him and try to touch him, it usually results in pain or something bad happening to him like being poked with a needle or a taser or something like that. So it’s a combination of fearing the pain or result of someone touching him with ill intent combined with the severe distrust he learned from Hydra that causes him to be wary of everyone.

🥀 How would they handle the death of a loved one? (Wanda)

(I will first direct you to the following post (x) and two starters (x, x) that I’ve already written about this subject, in case you want to read up about this huge ball of headcanons of mine in more detail. Since this is Anon and I don’t know who this is, if you’ve already read all those posts before then just ignore me, haha.)

The short answer is... not well. At all. Wanda is the most important person in Pietro’s life. That will never change, even if either or both of them marry, have kids, etc. Losing her would affect him even more than losing his parents, and that had a major effect on him. Nothing in the world could hurt him more than losing his sister. That combined with Pietro having a very old-fashioned and decidedly outdated view of masculinity means he’s going to react to that kind of devastating hurt with avoidance and anger instead of sadness and any kind of reaching out to others. He feels like, as a man, he needs to be strong and stable and basically impenetrable to emotional pain, and that unfortunately makes him view things like crying and being sad as weaknesses. The last thing he ever wants to appear to someone is weak.

Strangely enough, he doesn’t think that way with women or necessarily with other men, it is something he imposes on himself. I think a lot of it may come from years of taking the role of a protective older brother. If he’s getting upset and crying, then Wanda gets upset and cries, but if he acts calm and collected or at least like he’s not afraid or upset about things, then he feels like she’ll be more emotionally stable too. So he’s really either avoided or suppressed a lot of his “softer” and more vulnerable emotions throughout his life. If Wanda were to die, he would not want to be seen crying or sad or broken or anything like that. To mask this, he would project anger and defensiveness. He would push people away, have loud outbursts, punch walls, break things, get into fist fights, and really just be destructive and violent. And that would be a way for him to release everything he’s suppressing, although it certainly is not a healthy way to go about it.

I hate to get depressing, but I’ve mentioned this before... that Pietro might not survive losing Wanda. It would really take some attentive and persistent intervention with him to keep him from doing something drastic. He would honestly not ever want to live without her, so he would have to be convinced to do so and would definitely need to be on some kind of suicide watch. That level of intervention would have to come from someone he trusts and maybe even loves, such as a romantic ship or someone like Clint or Natasha that he feels relatively emotionally comfortable with, otherwise he will just push people away.

😍 How would they react if the person they fell in love with turned out to be non-human?

Pietro actually does have a non-human ship! Her name is Alice, and she is a “doll,” or a highly sophisticated synthetic human, written by a dear friend of mine over at @kitscompendium. Love is love to him, so if he loves someone, whether they are human or not, he will treat them with the same respect, attention, and care that he would a human ship. If he’s fallen in love with someone, then he loves them for who they are, regardless of appearance, race, origin, or biological physiology. So yeah, he’s very tolerant and open-minded with regard to that.

🐲 Were they afraid of monsters under the bed as a child?

Not at all, heh. In fact, Pietro was often Wanda’s first line of defense against said monsters under their beds as children, hahaha. She would very often get scared of things she imagined were hiding under her bed, in a closet, just past a window, down the hallways, or anything like that, and Pietro would play the hero and would explore all these places to scare away all the monsters. If that didn’t work, he would end up in her bed with her, holding her until she fell asleep so that she felt safe. But yeah, he was never afraid because he felt like he had to be the strong and fearless older brother for Wanda, so that helped him get over any fears he might have had early on.

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poke-trainer-tsuki · 5 years ago

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Pokémon Headcanon Meme from @memeingovermemes

Hi there! My name’s Tsuki and I’m from Kalos! I figured I would just answer all of these as my introduction to you all!

☀️ : Who is your character’s partner Pokémon? Do they prefer to stay outside of their Pokéball? What’s their dynamic with their trainer?

Back home, my partner was (and still is) Pumpkaboo! When I was around 9, my mother and I were taking a walk and came across a lone Pumpkaboo on our normal route in the local forest. I got so excited and my mother helped me catch her and ever since, we have been best friends! She is shy like me and really only likes to stay out of her Pokéball when we are at home or somewhere familiar to her. She’s EXTREMELY sweet, but very protective of me since we’ve been together for what feels like forever.

🌗 : Does your character have a favourite Pokéball? Which ones do they use the least?

My favorite Pokéball would have to be the Moon ball. I remember the first time I ever saw one, and immediately fell in love. Space has always been super interesting to me and seeing a ball with the moon on it, just made me so happy and excited. I once tried to be slick and try to catch an Umbreon in a Moon ball. I learned VERY quickly that it wasn’t going to work. I still managed to catch the Umbreon that day though so I wasn’t too sad. The ball I use least is probably the Luxury ball or the apricorn balls. Ones super expensive and the others are SUPER rare.

💾 : What is your character’s Pokémon team? Any Pokémon they don’t have currently in their team (in their PC Box or elswhere)?

As of right now while traveling through the Galar region, my team consists of, a “Gigantamax” (I think that’s what they called it) Corviknight, My Pumpkaboo, Cinderace, Silvally (Whom I caught as Type Null while traveling through Alola), Flapple, and Zacian. I think back home I caught maybe only 50 Kalos originating Pokémon and MAYBE 40 Alolan Pokémon. In Galar, I have completed my Pokédex and then some!

😀 : Describe one of your character’s relationships with their Pokémon.

My relationship with my Pumpkaboo has such a different dynamic than my other Pokémon. She’s basically my sister at this point and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I remember when I was little, I was extremely afraid of the dark and honestly I still kind of am, but she would act as my nightlight and make sure nothing scared me at night. Most people think that all ghost Pokémon give you nightmares, and while some do, she has never done that to me.

👥 : Does your character travel with anyone aside from their Pokémon?

So far during my time in Galar, I’ve been traveling alongside my friend “Panda”! He’s learning as much as he can so he can officially be a professor one day so any time I have a question, he’s right there to answer to the best of his ability! Right now, he’s teaching me the ins and outs of putting together a great competitive team.

♠️ : Does your character specialize in a Pokémon type or do their types vary? Do they pay much attention to type match-ups?

I don’t really specialize in any certain type of Pokémon. Though I do prefer having a great speed stat so I am able to move first (unless the opposing trainer uses a priority move). I do my best at remembering type match ups. When Pokémon become dual types is when I have the most trouble though.

🗻 : What type of journey is your character on? Are they tackling the Pokémon League, engaging in contests, on researching endeavors, a ranger scouting for danger? Or do they have a more ‘normal’ occupation? What type of life do they lead?

I recently decided to take part in the Galar Gym Challenge. I am definitely nervous doing these challenges, but I’ve been learning so much from each and every gym leader here! Back home, I was more of a breeder/groomer in my spare time.

🌟: Has your character met any Legendary Pokémon before? If so, what were the encounters like? Do they have any Legendary Pokémon on their team? If not, do they believe in Legendary Pokémon?

I have only met two Legendary Pokémon so far. In Alola, it was Type Null whom I managed to evolve into Silvally while in Galar, and Zacian in Galar. Both encounters were extremely scary and nerve wracking to me. It took so much patience and effort to get Type Null to trust me back then, but I don’t regret it one bit. Even now, there are days where he has his moments of distrust, but I always manage to calm him down and remind him that I’m not here to hurt him. He prefers to sleep near me at night as well just like Pumpkaboo does and honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. Zacian on the other hand acts like a guard dog at night and if something is wrong he alerts Silvally before waking me up. It’s definitely a weight off my mothers shoulders knowing I’m being protected so well though.

🍼 : Are there any Pokémon your character has difficulty handling? Are there any they find easiest to raise?

Right now, Silvally has been a little hardheaded and doesn’t listen to me sometimes. He hasn’t really been aggressive or anything, but I might have to take him to a professor to get him checked out because I’m worried something’s wrong. As much as I love Nurse Joy, I don’t think she has the knowledge on him in that regard.

🐤 : Does your character use Daycares? Or do they manage all the training and caretaking themselves?

I do my absolute best to take care of my Pokémon myself. I also prefer to oversee my Pokémon when it’s mating season as well. You learn a lot about them when you’re the one in charge and I love learning!

🕶 : Are there ‘troublemaking’ Pokémon on your character’s team? If so, how do they tackle these troubles?

I don’t think I’ve ever really had a troublemaker on my team except MAYBE Mimikyu when he’s having a bad day. But usually when that happens, I take him out for some “alone time” with me and I treat him to special poké-treats and playtime.

🥘 : Is your character any good at making Poffins?

I’d say I’m pretty good at it! Definitely not the best, but my Pokémon seem to enjoy the ones I make!

🎊 : If your character takes part in contests, what category is their favourite? What are the best at? What are they worst at?

Oh gosh. I’ve tried my hand at contests...they definitely aren’t for me. I’ll just keep to making Poké-treats and grooming my Pokémon.

📱 : How full is your character’s Pokedex?

I haven’t completed my Kalos dex, nor my Alolan dex as of yet. However Galar was the first dex I was able to complete with the help of my friend whom I call “Panda”.

✨ : Has your character ever encountered a shiny Pokémon ? Do they have one in their team?

Funny enough, my Pumpkaboo that my mother helped me catch whom I brought to Galar with me, was shiny! I remember asking my mother why she was purple instead of orange like the ones I saw in my textbooks from school, and she explained to me that my Pumpkaboo was rare and super special. Recently in Galar, I encountered and caught a shiny magikarp in this instance event they called a “raid”. I was able to get him to evolve into Gyarados and to be blunt, I think I prefer his shiny form over his natural colors!

🎲 : Has your character ever been to a Game Corner or equivalent? How much time do they spend there? Have they ever gotten really lucky at the slots?

I’ve been MAYBE a handful of times with Panda, but I usually don’t spend a lot of pokédollars. I’m never lucky when it comes to playing games like Panda is, so I just end up watching him play and cheer him on.

🌑 : How does your character handle villainous organizations? Have they ever encountered one? How did that go?

Back home, I was utterly terrified with my first ever run in with Team Flare. I’ve always been super shy and take things to heart too much. By god when I had to battle Lysandre, I thought I was going to faint, that’s how intimidating he was to me. But as I continued to travel, I learned new ways to cope and now in Galar, I’m not so scared. Team Yell for sure isn’t as intimidating as Team Flare back home as of yet.

⛔️ : Has your character ever mistaken an owned Pokémon for a wild Pokemon and tried to catch it?

I probably have when I was a tiny child, but as I’ve been older to understand really how catching Pokémon works, I have never mistaken one for a wild Pokémon. Thankfully.

🚴: Does your character own a bicycle? Can they ride it? Are they constantly lectured by their professors for riding it where they’re not supposed to?

I do have one! I obtained one a little into my journey in Galar! It’s super cool! It has a Rotom inside it to help me go faster and ride across water! I haven’t been lectured about riding it though. Now back home however, I had a pair of roller blades and my professors would CONSTANTLY have to remind me to take them off when going inside anywhere because I would always forget I’d be wearing them.

🎣 : Does your character fish? Do they have any luck with it? If so, what’s the biggest Pokémon they’ve caught? What’s the smallest?

I do here and there. Most of the time I don’t really find anything exciting. The biggest thing I’ve found was a Luvdisc in Alola and the smallest was a Wishiwashi in Galar.

🎃 : Do any Pokémon types unsettle your character? Do they have a phobia of them? Why?

Oh my gosh! I have such a phobia of bug type Pokémon! I had a scary run in with a spinarak a good few years ago and have had the phobia since. I’ve never liked bugs to begin with though so this bad experience just made it worse.

📖 : Did your character go to Pokémon School? If so, was it public or private? Were they homeschooled?

I did! I went to a public school as my parents were never gifted with the kind of money needed to send me to a private school. Though, I met Panda YEARS after I finished school through another friend of mine. As a child I absolutely hated school, but as I grew older, I became so much more interested in learning about Pokémon that I grew to enjoy it more and more as the years passed.

I hope you all were able to get to know me a little better and I hope I can learn more things from new people soon! Feel free to send me asks as I’ll answer them as best as I can!

#pokemon #yes that is my trainer card from Galar #trainer answers #personal #pokemon trainer #introduction

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carlylala · 5 years ago

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Sorry if this is extremely triggering for some people

but i have come across this recently on this website and it has really helped me to understand myself a little better and what i am feeling is normal and maybe it might help someone on here too...

Survivors of sexual assault experience a wide range of reactions. Some have said that after the assault their emotions go up and down or from one extreme to another. It is important for you to know that what you are feeling and thinking right now is okay. Your reactions are your own way of coping with the crime that has been committed against you.

There is no standard response to sexual assault. You may experience a few, none, or all of the following:

Shock and numbness: Feelings of confusion, being easily overwhelmed, not knowing how to feel or what to do, feeling “spacey” or “out of it.” You may react in a way that is similar to your reactions during other crises in your life (for example with tears, irritability, nervous laughter, withdrawing).

What You Can Do: Be aware that these are normal reactions to trauma. Each person handles crisis differently, so think of things that helped you get through crises in the past. Get help to sort out what you would like to do and how you may want to organize your time, thoughts, and decisions. Be compassionate toward yourself; give yourself time to heal.

Loss of Control: Feeling like your whole life has been turned upside down and that you will never have control of your life again. Your thoughts and feelings seem out of control.

What You Can Do: Try to get as much control over your life as you possibly can, even over small things. Ask for information that may help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. Use outside resources, such as counselors and legal professionals. Ask how other people have handled similar situations. Try to make as many of your own decisions as possible. This may gradually help you regain a sense of control over your own life.

Fear: Fear that the assailant may return; fear for your general physical safety; fear of being alone; fear of other people or situations that may remind you of the assault.

What You Can Do: If you want company, do not hesitate to ask people who you trust to be with you day and night. You may want to make your physical environment feel more safe (moving, making your home more secure, and/or getting to know your neighbors better).

Guilt and Self-Blame: Feeling like you could have or should have done something to avoid or prevent the assault; doubts regarding your ability to make judgments.

What You Can Do: No matter what the situation was, you did not ask to be hurt or violated. Blaming yourself is sometimes another way to feel control over the situation, thinking that if you avoid similar circumstances, it will not happen to you again.

Isolation: Feeling that this experience has set you apart from other people; feeling that other people can tell you have been sexually assaulted just by looking at you; not wanting to burden other people with your experience.

What You Can Do: Recovering from an assault can be a very lonely experience. However, you are not alone in what you are feeling. You may find it reassuring to talk to others who have been assaulted or to an advocate at SAPAC who has worked with other sexual assault survivors.

Vulnerability, Distrust: Feeling that you are at the mercy of your own emotions or the actions of others; not knowing who to trust or how to trust yourself; feelings of suspicion and caution.

What You Can Do: Trust your instincts in regards to who you want to talk with about what happened to you. Try to talk with people whom you have found to be the most dependable in the past; select those who have been good listeners and non-judgmental. Feelings of general suspicion may subside as you begin to find people you can trust.

Sexual Fears: Feelings that you do not want to have sexual relations; wondering whether you will ever want or enjoy sexual relationships again fears that being sexually intimate may remind you of the assault.

What You Can Do: Try to tell your partner what your limits are. Let your partner know if the situation reminds you of the assault and may bring up painful memories. Let your partner know that it is the situation, not him/her, that is bringing up the painful memories. You may feel more comfortable with gentle physical affection. Let your partner know what level of intimacy feels comfortable for you.

Anger: Feeling angry at the assailant. You may find yourself thinking about retaliation. You may be angry at the world since you no longer feel safe. If you are religious, you may feel angry that your faith did not prevent this.

What You Can Do: Be accepting of your anger. Thoughts of being violent toward the assailant do not mean that you are a violent or bad person. You have the right to feel angry about the violation you have experienced. You may want to talk to people who understand this.

Disruption of Daily Activities: During the first few days or weeks after the assault you may feel preoccupied with intrusive thoughts about the assault. You may experience difficulty concentrating, nightmares, sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, ‘startle reactions,’ phobias, general anxiety or depression. You may have memories of a prior crisis.

What You Can Do: Although these are common reactions, they can be quite disturbing. Take things very slowly. Some people find it helpful to keep a notebook in hand to write down feelings, thoughts, ideas, or details of the assault; keeping the thoughts and feelings in one place may make them feel more manageable.

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toxoiddiamond · 6 years ago

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T H E B A S I C S Given Name: Jonah Rodrick Bowden-Hendrix Nicknames: Jon (but only his parents call him that), Bowie (but only his surfing buddies call him that). Then there's Wyatt's names for him-- Jo, Jojo, Joey, and Sasquatch/Bigfoot, which he always gets a kick out of. Age: 35 Birthday: October 2nd Zodiac Sign: Libra Birthplace: Melbourne, Australia Current Location: Portland, Oregon Speaks: English, some French (enough that he could carry a simple conversation) Dominant Hand: Left Education: Studied Kinesiology at Western Oregon University Occupation: Personal trainer, also teaches swimming lessons twice a week. He loves his job because he can set his own hours, he makes good money, and he has a lot of time to spend with his family/to go surfing. He has considered going back to school to become a physical therapist, but hasn't made a decision one way or the other. Vehicle: Red and white 1970 VW Transporter. He loves it to death, and does as much work on it himself as he can. Worldly Possessions: A surfboard, custom-made for him from Blackfern Surfboards. Lots of arts and crafts projects that he works on with his daughter. Any gifts, notes, letters, cards, etc, that Wyatt has ever given him (he is a bit of a hoarder in that sense). Pet(s): Five chickens!

A P P E A R A N C E Height: 6'3" Hair: Light brown with hints of blonde mixed in. He used to wear it long and pulled back most of the time, but a couple of years ago he decided he needed a change and got it cut short. He wasn't too sure about it at first, but he likes it short now and has decided to keep it that way. Facial Hair: He hasn't been without facial hair since he was in his twenties. He likes to have a full beard, and he keeps it well groomed. Eye Colour: Gorgeous, crazy-blue eyes. Skin Tone: He definitely has a good tan going, since he spends a lot of time outdoors. Clothing: Maybe they’re nude Distinguishing Marks: Some scars from surfing mishaps/various other tumbles he's taken on hikes and such. A yeti tattoo on his right forearm, something he got for Wyatt. Face Claim: Chris Hemsworth

H E A L T H Physical Health: Healthy as a horse. He works as a personal trainer, and he likes working out/doing physical things such as surfing and hiking, so he is extremely fit. He's all about eating a good, balanced diet, but he also doesn't deprive himself of what he wants; he just goes for moderation in all things. As long as he gets enough protein, he's all good. Physical Abilities/Limitations: Jonah is very good at surfing-- not pro level or anything, but definitely skilled. He also has a lot of endurance on hikes, and is an adept climber as well. Basically, anything athletic is right up his alley. Addictions: None. He does like to smoke pot or have edibles every once in a while, but it's definitely not an addiction for him. Allergies: Latex-- it causes him to break out in hives. Mental Health: No problems on this front. He is a happy, well-adjusted, carefree person who has everything he could have ever wanted.

H I S T O R Y Summary: So far, Jonah has lived a very peaceful life. He grew up in Australia, where his life basically consisted of school, surfing, sleep, repeat. In high school, he had the opportunity to be an exchange student and go to Portland, Oregon for a year-- which totally changed his life. As much as he loves Australia, he was immediately taken with Oregon, and knew he'd want to move there someday, especially after meeting Wyatt and becoming close friends with him. Jonah did end up moving to Oregon and attending college there, and became even closer with Wyatt. Their relationship quickly became serious, and they soon moved in together and ended up getting married. They now have a child, Georgia. Jonah is ridiculously happy and considers himself to be the luckiest man on earth~ Job History: His first job was actually in Oregon-- he worked in a very hipster-y juice bar while he was in college. And then his next job was in a gym as a personal trainer. He eventually found enough clients that he was able to quit the gym and start just going to people's homes to train them or have them over to him and Wyatt's place for training, which he likes a lot better. Fondest Memories: Absolutely any memory involving Wyatt, especially their wedding. Adopting Georgia and bringing her home, and getting to watch her grow up. Worst Experiences: Jonah has dealt with small disappointments, and had a few bad experiences in his life. But he feels that the good in his life far outweighs the bad, and it would be hard for him to pinpoint an experience he would consider the worst.

C O M M U N I C A T I O N Speech Pace/Style: Confident, often loud and rowdy (though he makes an effort to be quieter if asked), not exactly a smooth talker but also not the type to stumble over his words. He has a very honest way of speaking, and it's very obvious that he doesn't fake any of his feelings or emotions-- everything is genuine. Accent: Very strong, distinctive Australian accent. Favorite Phrases or Words: He often says/exclaims "beauty!" if something awesome happens, or says "you beauty," if someone does something nice or kind for him-- he says it to Wyatt all the time, I'm sure. He also uses a lot of other Australian slang terms, but that's the most common one for him to use. Usual Curse Words: Fuck and cunt are the most common ones for him to use, though he's really tried to clean up his language now that they have a child.

P E R S O N A L I T Y, M I N D S E T, A N D B E L I E F S Personality Type: ESFP-A Sense of Humor: Jonah is definitely a big jokester. He likes to tease and play harmless pranks, and he absolutely loves making people (Wyatt) laugh. Making Wyatt laugh is his favorite thing. Habits: Rubs his hands together and snaps his fingers before starting a task. Sings whatever song is stuck in his head at the time, loudly, especially if he is at home doing chores or anything. Pops his neck/cracks his knuckles every so often. Fears/Phobias: Going to the dentist is his least favorite thing-- he still does it, but he absolutely hates having someone poke around at his teeth. He probably has to have Wyatt go with him whenever he gets a filling or anything because he'd need someone to hold his hand, honestly. He also thinks the idea of the Mothman is super scary, though he tries to act like it doesn't scare him. Strengths: Jonah is an extremely laid back, go-with-the-flow sort of person. He's not bothered by small problems and doesn't complain much, always willing to change plans or do something unexpected. He doesn't care what people think of him or have to say about him-- he just worries about himself and his family and lets everything else roll off his back. He is kind-hearted, and always very generous, whether it's with his time, his money or whatever else. He loves helping people, doing volunteer work, etc. Part of the reason why he's considered becoming a physical therapist is that he would love to help people work through their injuries. In social situations, Jonah is very good at drawing people out of their shell, and tries to make sure everyone feels comfortable/feels like part of the group, even if they're shy. He's very warm and basically just a big teddy bear, honestly~ Flaws: Jonah sometimes doesn't take things as seriously as he should, and also has trouble making decisions. He prefers to let others make decisions for him and is more of a follower in that sense. He also has a tendency to joke around even if the situation calls for him to be more serious; he always feels the need to try and lighten the mood, which is not always a good call. As generous and sweet as Jonah is, he is often too trusting for his own good. He has been taken advantage of many times in the past, and is trying to be a more skeptical person/critical thinker, but it's just not in his nature to distrust people. Jonah is terrible when it comes to confrontation/resolving conflicts. He prefers to just avoid it all together and pretend nothing happened, rather than deal with it head on, which often leads to him keeping his feelings inside. As laid back as Jonah is, he can be one to hold grudges if someone pisses him off or gets on his bad side (which, admittedly, is hard to do). Hopes/Desires: He wants to be married to Wyatt for, like, seventy years. He'd love to adopt another child someday if that's in the cards for them and if that's something Wyatt would also want. He wants Georgia to grow up healthy and find something she loves to do and be happy. He wants to have lots of time to surf and do things he likes to do and spend as much time with his family as possible. And that's pretty much it. He's a simple man~ Self-Esteem: Jonah is a humble person, but he also has good self-esteem and thinks he's pretty okay. He is definitely not lacking in confidence. Religion: He believes in the idea that you are your own god/being spiritual rather than religious. He likes to meditate, do yoga, etc., and he has a few crystals that he swears help him clear his mind, though he doesn't push his views on anyone else and he's not a weirdo about it.

R A N D O M Sleeping Position: His favorite way to sleep is cuddled up with Wyatt. He's a clingy sleeper, and likes having Wyatt pulled up against him. He also loves it whenever their daughter gets into bed with them-- he loves snuggling with her, especially because he knows it's only a matter of time before she won't want to snuggle with them anymore. Boxers or Briefs?: Boxer-briefs for sure. Day or Night?: Day for sure. He likes going out and doing lots of things, and by eleven at night he crashes hard. Top or Bottom?: I mean let's be real here. He's a top. But he's also open to whatever. Like, he's not super comfortable bottoming, but he doesn't dislike it-- it just takes a lot of foreplay to get him to feel comfortable. Partying or Relaxing?: As much as he likes being around other people, he's not much of a party person? He'd rather spend time with friends out hiking, or else at home with a small group of people, relaxing. And he will never pass up an opportunity to spend an evening relaxing with his family.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S Closest Friend: Without a doubt, Wyatt is his closest friend. Jonah has a lot of friends, a lot of buddies he can go out and do things with, but the one person he feels he can always trust, the one person he knows will always be there for him, is Wyatt. He has never felt so close to anyone else in his life. Relationship History: Before things got serious with Wyatt, Jonah was in a lot of relationships, some only lasting a matter of weeks or even days. He was very fickle and had a tendency to get bored easily, not wanting more of the same, always chasing after something new. Wyatt was the only person Jonah never got tired of, that he could see and talk to every day and never get tired of. Sexual Partners: Too many to count, honestly. Thoughts About Sex: Obviously, he enjoys it. He has had a lot of casual sex in the past just to get his fix, because he has a very high sex drive. He slept with a couple of women when he was younger, but quickly realized that he didn't care for sex with women-- it was a bit of a surprise for him to realize he was gay, but he's never felt ashamed of his sexuality and is very comfortable with it now.

P A R E N T S Name(s): Chloe and Edward Bowden Age(s): Both 58 years old Occupation(s): His mom was a stay-at-home mom until both her kids were out of the house. Now she works part time in a bakery. His dad is a psychiatrist. Religion: Both of them are atheists, but not hardcore about it or anything. Quality of Relationship With Their Children: Definitely good. They miss Jonah like crazy and wish he lived closer, but they're just glad he's happy. Their other son, Jessie, still lives closeby and they're glad for that. Living/Deceased: Living

S I B L I N G S Name: Jessie Bowden Age: 28 Occupation: He is a freelance photographer, and looking into getting into graphic design. Religion: He honestly doesn't care about religion. Quality of Relationship With His Brother: Good. They don't talk much, but when they do it's easy for them to fall into conversation, and they always enjoy catching up and are happy when they actually get to see each other.

D A I L Y L I F E Living Arrangements: Where they live

#character: jonah bowden-hendrix #ship: cryptids #character sheet

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enbywitchart · 7 years ago

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Genesis and Lilac! -Asri

Thanks for answering! This might get kind of long!

Full Name: Genesis AcaciaGender and Sexuality: Female, Aromantic AsexualPronouns: She/HerEthnicity/Species: Black/Forest God, favors the form of a Black Elk SpiritBirthplace and Birthdate: UnknownGuilty Pleasures: Making flower crowns with AliciaPhobias: Being taken advantage of (again)What They Would Be Famous For: Singing. She has a fantastic voice.What They Would Get Arrested For: Getting physical in protecting Alicia, the little girl she basically has half adopted as her own child.OC You Ship Them With: FarisOC Most Likely To Murder Them: Wilhelm, if she hadn’t escaped, and didn’t have friends who would fight and kill for her.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: No real preference. She’ll go out and watch movies with her friends for fun but she won’t actively read or watch anything.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Rom-Coms. Due to her past experiences with a bad relationship she can’t stand them. Her last was abusive and controlling and she barely escaped. She has a hard time sitting through anything with a light, happy or unnecessary romance in it.Talents and/or Powers: A mystical kind of camouflage; she can blend in anywhere. She can hide in a crowd in broad daylight. Despite looking out of place, she radiates a powerful aura that makes her fit right in. This is how old gods walk amongst the morals and make it seem like nothing is out of the ordinary. It’s also helped her hide from her abuser extremely well.Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s stunningly beautiful, with strikingly bright eyes and a calm and wise demeanor. She’s fiercely loyal and protective of her family. And intelligent and wise.Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s powerful. And immortal. And someone who fears someone with such knowledge and power may distrust and fear her. Due to being taken of in the past she comes off as rude and closed off, fearful of being hurt again. She looks like she could kill you if you cross her, and she could if she absolutely had to.How They Change: She meets Faris, a kind and mute centaur who helps her heal and learn to open up and be soft without fear of being taken advantage of.Why You Love Them: She’s so fun to draw. Her hair is a big fluffy green afro, and she wear a lot of vibrant green and black. Two colors that mean danger, usually of nuclear proportions, Also? Bright colors look fantastic on her. Her skin is really dark and bright green just pops out. Also she has this dangerously calm demeanor that scares the shit out of men. And she’s tall. Like, 6′7. Comes with the territory of being a god but she’s intimidating as hell and I just really love her to pieces. Don’t mess with Genesis, she’ll kick your ass.

Full Name: Lilike “Lilac” Gonzalez Gender and Sexuality: Female, LesbianPronouns: She/HerEthnicity/Species: Mexican/WerewolfBirthplace and Birthdate: Mexico and April 17Guilty Pleasures: Magazines of pin up girls meant for men but, she’s gay so...Phobias: Silver bullets, silver jewelry, silver anything really. She’s super allergic.What They Would Be Famous For: What she wants to be famous for is her art. She loves to paint and people watch, and draw profiles of interesting ppl she sees. What she’d actually be famous for, is getting drunk at Nadeen’s bar and flirting with all the girls.What They Would Get Arrested For: She’s actually pretty careful about staying away from law enforcement, bc they’re racist and speciest and you don’t want to mess with them when you’re a chubby butch lesbian werewolf.OC You Ship Them With: Romantically, Bunny, her girlfriend. Platonically, Lucifer.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Werewolf Bounty Hunter, or a particularly trigger happy human police officer.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Anything fictional with well-written historically accurate werewolves. She only likes the Twilight movie/book with the Native werewolves. Not so much the rest of the series.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Romantic Gothic Vampire Falls in Love with Human. It’s so overdone, and often abusive. Where’s the WerewolfxHuman romance?! Only very briefly with Bella and the werewolf boy. They should’ve ended up together tbh. He was so much better for her. Fuck Edward Cullen.Talents and/or Powers: Is being able to consume large quantities of meat in one setting a talent? How about being the ultimate dog person? Is being a space heater a talent? Because hot damn, no one goes cold cuddling Lilac that’s for sure.Why Someone Might Love Them: Kick ass, soft pastel, chubby, butch, lesbian werewolf representation.Why Someone Might Hate Them: IDK maybe they hate fat Mexican Lesbians who are Loud and have pastel purple hair, and kinda hairy half due to werewolf genetics and half to Mexican geneticsHow They Change: She starts out pretty wild and untameble and then meets Bunny and calms down a tadWhy You Love Them: Her style is goals tbh. She’s unapologetically gay, beautifully artistic, loves her GF so much, is sassy and won’t take shit from anyone, and is loyal to her friends.

#Witch answers #Lilac #Genesis #Mythical Shenanigans #OCs #theglitterbombsystem

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wizard-finix · 7 years ago

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Maggie! Seeing as that was the one you mentioned in the tags x

Ok I know I keep forgetting that people actually read my tag comments but I have never gotten FOUR ASKS on one oc you guys rock ;A; @okidenshi @trashmantribunus @theredladyofsenntisten @ whoever the anon is

Full Name: Magnolia Thatcher

Gender and Sexuality: Female; haven’t decided yet on orientation bc it’s not important to her story but probably bi or ace idk

Pronouns: She/her

Ethnicity/Species: Karamjan (black), human

Birthplace and Birthdate: Brimhaven; 20th of Bennath (15th April), 140 of the Fifth Age

Guilty Pleasures: Hoarding stuff, namely food.

Phobias: Rats. Who knows what kind of stuff they might be carrying.

What They Would Be Famous For: Probably the fact that she makes a downright mean seafood curry.

What They Would Get Arrested For: Probably drunken shenanigans (Brimhaven isn’t a place to teach kids moderation in alcohol, mostly because pirates)

OC You Ship Them With: None (there aren’t any others I have to ship anyway)

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Does it have to be my OCs specifically, and does it have to be the same fandom? Because I don’t have any other OCs for Runescape. (Yet.)

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Sappy romances. The world could always use more love, even the extremely cheesy kind.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: Probably the trope painting different groups people as “savages”, such as the Fremennik or Karamjan natives. She has friends in Tai Bwo Wannai and Shilo Village, and they’re not any more savage than people in Brimhaven, they just live differently.

Talents and/or Powers: She’s a really good cook, it’s one of her favorite hobbies besides fishing.

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s pretty chill in most situations, and she tries to pull her weight.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: Two words: annoyingly stubborn. Also, she tends to sugarcoat stuff. (I may have to think more on this question)

How They Change: She becomes a loner in her travels, because the last time she traveled with a companion was when her brother decided to adventure with her, and he ended up being murdered by the assassin in Desert Treasure because he happened to be holding the diamonds in his pack. (This also gives her a huge dislike/distrust towards Azzanadra even though he technically had absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s a grief thing.)

I’m not sure how else she might change later, I take forever developing characters.

Why You Love Them: Maybe because she’s kind of similar to one of my much older OCs in terms of origin (I have a soft spot for sailor/pirate theme stuff because of that OC)

This took a lot longer than I thought, but it was fun!

#world guardian magnolia #seriously tho thank you ;u;#theredladyofsenntisten

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windblownsarchive-blog · 8 years ago

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NAME OF YOUR MUSE: edith juniper walls.

ONE PICTURE YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR MUSE’S FC:

( the ultimate album cover look in mine own onion. )

TWO HEADCANONS YOU HAVE FOR YOUR MUSE THAT YOU NEVER TOLD ANYONE:

1. FAMILY.

edith’s father, daniel walls, is a second-generation irish american born in raised in milwaukee, wisconsin. in the beginning of the great depression he met virginia davis -- soon to become virgina walls -- a black woman whose parents moved to the midwest from georgia when she was a mere three years old. the two married despite their parents wishes: virginia’s family eventually accepted daniel into the fold, while daniel himself was entirely cut off from his own parents. daniel and virginia raised four children together, close together in age. their order from oldest to youngest is as follows: timothy, julia, edith and henry. for most of their lives they struggled financially, and while no family is perfect edith is relatively close with her siblings and holds the deepest admiration and respect for her parents. phone calls home are frequent, letters more-so. she does what she can to help with money, but it’s hardly necessary now that the kids are long out of the house and thriving in their own ways.

2. HEALTH.

edith has always had a touch of depression, although this worsened dramatically after a sexual assault when she was fifteen years old and has been exacerbated by a relatively unstable life ( the uncertainty of her career, the intensity of her affairs, her substance abuse, etc ). she’s never placed any label on this herself, but has expressed her feelings in different words to a number of people, sometimes in worrying ways. it’s a wonder she hasn’t yet had a mental break -- but who knows. maybe that’s just around the corner. as far as her physical health is concerned, she never had any severe problems early in her life besides being underweight at several points ( this due to her family’s financial instability ). later on, issues arise thanks to excessive alcoholic and marijuana use. memory loss, clumsiness, and -- much later in the canon -- significant liver damage.

THREE THINGS THAT YOUR MUSE LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

1. PLAYING PIANO.

the first instrument that edith learned, and yet utilized least in live performances. this is partly due to the fact that the kinds she prefers ( hulking grand pianos ) are harder to transport and set up every night, but also because she writes mostly with string instruments in mind. playing piano at home is relaxing, almost intimate, and takes her back to earlier days.

2. READING / JOURNAL WRITING.

literature is extremely dear to edith for different reasons, number one being that it’s just a great escape and a way to pass time. considering her spotty schooling, though, it’s important to her that she continues devouring all the knowledge she can as the years go by. her taste in genres is varied but she has a soft spot for poetry of all sorts, and for books / essays by key figures in various social movements. she's also kept diaries since childhood. her journals are somewhat messy, not in terms of handwriting but organization. she doodles, laments, and plays word games all on the same pages. she also keeps things like ticket stubs, pressed flowers, and polaroids between pages. musical historians of the future have much to work with, if her volumes aren’t sealed away by her estate.

3. GARDENING.

despite growing up in the city, edith has a soft spot for nature. she spent her youth visiting extended family in the countryside and maintains that the midwest is the most beautiful region of the country, with its four seasons and varied environments. she used to keep potted plants on the window sill of her apartment in milwaukee, and later in nyc. her career means that she is never in one place for a long time, but one of her only permanent properties is a cabin between the border of wisconsin and minnesota, where she has a large garden. edith wants children, but plant babies take care of her nurturing instinct for now.

SEVEN PEOPLE THAT YOUR MUSE LOVES / LIKES:

1. HENRY ROLAND.

the closest thing to the love of edith’s life. they met at a bar in north dakota ; it was a stop on his bible sales route, and on one of her first fledgling tours. back then the world was much different. no one quite knew the name edith walls. the peak of the civil rights movement was still several years away. divorce was a taboo among the masses. all of this posed significant problems, seeing as how henry happened to be an older, white, married korea-vet with two very small kids. for many years the relationship was kept secret and only acted upon when the two just happened to be headed to the same cities. as the world has changed and their co-dependence has grown, however, edith’s decided to bring him into the world of music. we’ll see how that works out. as far as personality and world-views go, the two don’t always mesh, but edith has moved him on some pretty significant issues. sometimes she wonders what she’s doing with him, how long she’ll have to wait, but hey ! don’t we all.

2. FRANK WELCH.

another korean-war veteran who served with henry in the army. he and edith met through henry at a veteran’s ball, much like a high school reunion, except much less friendly to people like edith. the two hit it off and quickly became much closer than he and henry could have ever dreamed to be. again, this was somewhat unexpected : whereas edith distrusts the government, frank works for it, which is bound to bring about some tension. but the two are linked by a feeling of other-ness in the world, and frequently comfort each other when they know that no one else will be able to understand their feelings.

3. LARRY SPORTELLO.

a californian private investigator with a personality as strange as his looks. it’s a chance encounter that brings he and edith together on the golden coast, and she hardly regrets it, although she doesn’t always understand the outlandish world that doc inhabits. what’s important is that underneath their regional differences, the two share many of the same basic world-views and he makes her laugh when no one else can. it’s gotten to the point where doc thinks there might be something more to explore than friendship, and who knows ! he may be right. but for now edith is holding out for reasons unknown. henry’s dislike for the hippie scum may have something to do with it.

4. GERTRUDE EMERS.

a playwright and novelist who shares edith’s complicated relationship with alcohol. really, it’s no surprise that the two have found themselves in the same circles. edith’s love for literature means she surrounds herself with all manner of intellectual. bonus-points for being a freethinking one. still, one can’t help but wonder what kind of trouble they can get themselves into if they turn out to be too alike.

and that’s all because she doesn’t have many connections yet ! come be friends with her !

TWO THINGS YOUR MUSE REGRETS:

1. meeting henry is something she’s thankful for or regretful about, depending on the day.

2. not establishing herself as a versatile artist earlier ; its made the genre switch a challenge.

A PHOBIA YOUR MUSE HAS:

1. BEING FORGOTTEN.

tagged by @palmburnt tagging: whoever wants to do it !

#* headcanon / edith.#* character study / edith.

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101percentindia · 7 years ago

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How I Fell In Love And Jumped Into A Live-In With A Stranger In 7 Days

The lack of digital privacy and not respecting boundaries therein, led to the downfall of our relationship.

Part 1 - The Meeting I have been in a live-in relationship for two years. And now I’m mentally prepping myself for a two year long distance one. Sigh! Before I fret about the physical distance, let me flashback to the summer of 2016, the first time I met my boyfriend Sammy. I had moved to Bangalore in March 2016. It took us less than 7 days to meet and start living together. At first, we didn’t even label it live-in. It happened organically.

In the first few weeks, we were just too busy falling in love to care about anything else. Our first conversation was on WhatsApp and it was just a whole lot of small trying-to-test-the-waters talk. But from there on, we went into details about our individual professions, favourite musicians, raves, college life in Bombay, drugs, likes, dislikes, food, travel destinations, how we had possibly been at the same rave in 2011 and so on. We had been texting for 72 hours straight. This even included him giving me a wake up call.

He lived at the other end of the city, two hours away at his parents place, but his office was about 15 minutes away from me. He wanted to meet me after work. I decided to play difficult and claimed to be busy, while I was secretly lounging on my bed, listening to Glass Animals in my underwear.

I was mentally freaking out, but still super excited about this extremely random, addictive, new found connection. Maybe he was my twin flame. Freakishly enough, our relationship defined a lot of characteristics associated with a twin flame experience. At least according to the internet: Twin Flame - Unlike soul mates, twin flames are mirrors of ourselves. Twin flames experience intense passion, an instantaneous bond, a certain amount of intense pain looking into the eyes of your better (or other?) half and experiencing feelings of viewing them as a family member or your own child.

Whatever the label may be, this was a human connection I had never experienced before. Similar to a fantastic LSD trip.

Anyway we met. Dinner and drinks the night before a techno gig.

I told him he could stay at my place and he ought to carry some clothes with him. Sammy spent the next few hours on the phone with his best friend, debating whether I could be a serial killer or if this was just a one-off situation.

I walked into the restaurant wearing black tights, a black ganji, a multi-coloured tye-dye crop top pullover, paired with white Adidas sneakers. I had a tinge of lipstick on and my curls were let loose. I was ridiculously nervous. When I walked into the restaurant, Soum (Sammy) who had been waiting for 15 minutes, got up from the table. We grinned and gave each other an awkward, but enthusiastic half-hug.

As a journalist at a leading business daily, I tracked startups and technology companies out of Bangalore. But suddenly I found myself unable to accurately describe what I do, and all the characteristics that defined a startup versus any other company. We went from talking about startups to blowjobs, pork ribs, whiskey and dancing. Before I knew it, we were getting drinks, dancing to some techno and calling an Uber, planning to head home to my place. We smoked a doob and called it a night. Snuggling led to sex, after which he fell asleep.

Everything was happening too quickly.

I lay awake, staring at his face and then at the ceiling. I was petrified by all the emotions I was feeling. Was this a one night stand? Well, we still had the rave to go to the next day and he had no spare clothes.

Getting addicted. Image source: potentmedia.com

Everything was going unbelievably well. We were holding hands and acting like best friends who were falling in love. Later that night, our LSD trip ended with the music abruptly stopping in my room and us experiencing continuous “mindgasms” for three hours. Yes, no physical touching was required but it felt like our minds were fucking. It was overwhelming and more exhausting than physical fucking. We never experienced it again.

By the third day, we were farting and burping in front of each other, like it was no big deal. He went home, hung with his parents, picked up his clothes and returned a day later. We were inseparable and addicted to spending time with each other. We were officially in a live-in relationship without realising it. Both of us yearned for office hours to end, so that we could be in the same room again. Hours went by where we just stared at each other or remained lost in conversation.

One month flew by and we were gushing to our friends about how beautiful our significant others were. We were madly in love, but there was one enormous problem lurking around the corner. We were in a relationship without actually really knowing each other!

The end? Image source: fax.al

Part 2 - The Dark Side of Love I lied about several tiny details from my past because of my own insecurities. The tiny details turned into a mountain of lies. However, I was honest with him about the fact that I had never been interested in relationships and flings usually worked for me. His entrance into my life was highly unexpected, but greatly appreciated. Sammy had been cheated on by his first lover during a long distance relationship. My lies only reinforced a strong level of distrust in him towards me.

While we lived together, I learnt more about myself than I ever had before. I realised that I didn't quite understand the concept of boundaries in a relationship. Boys whom I had slept with in the past were still very much a part of my life. Being in touch with exes did not seem to be a problem, till Sammy saw flirtatious messages being sent my way, which I often laughed off or ignored. Our relationship completely lacked digital privacy. Some of my lies were discovered when he was browsing through chats on my Whatsapp and Facebook account. I made it a point to read old messages between him and his ex lover and other women he had been flirtatious with. We were slowly killing the present with stories of our promiscuous past.

Digital privacy was one factor, but the first cracks in our relationship emerged because of my lies. There were days when it felt like Sammy’s trust in me was completely broken. Our relationship had transitioned from constant affection to days filled with screaming, angry rants, binge drinking, excessive smoking, blocking each other’s phone numbers during office hours, verbally abusing each other and so on. Sometimes our fights were so loud that the landlord and flat mates had to intervene. And Sammy being extremely short tempered scared the shit out of me.

Emotional shitstorm. Image source: videoblocks.com

I began undoing my lies, but he was too angry by now. Everything was up and down. We spent nights crying and hating each other, despite still having days where we fucked four times a day. It was emotional chaos. I realised that my initial commitment phobia, along with the fear of him losing interest in the “real me” had led me to lie about the little things that I hated about myself. We broke up a million times and were constantly at each other’s throats. But we never left each other. Our relationship had all the signs of a classic abusive relationship.

Oddly enough, while my relationship hit rock bottom, my career was at an all time peak. I was breaking important news stories every week and the editors at my workplace were really starting to take notice of my work. Luckily for me, my absence from work was regarded as a young journalist being extremely busy with breaking news stories, developing secret sources and attending high profile meetings. In reality, I was most likely crying under my blanket after a terrible fight or getting high as a kite while smoking a bong.

Our lives together often felt like a recurring nightmare. The only peace and quiet we ever got was when we slept. Consciously or unconsciously we hugged each other tightly and slept through the night. Prior to meeting each other, neither of us were inclined towards any kind of body hugging while asleep. But somehow, sleeping in each other’s arms every night was something that happened automatically. Sometimes we would suddenly wake up in the morning, finding ourselves in each other’s arms. Then, one of us would snarl at the other and push away the individual, while remembering a fight from the previous night.

Then one day, I decided I had had enough. I packed my bags without informing Sammy and caught the first flight to Bombay, while he was in office. I sent him a long text before I boarded the flight, informing him that I was terribly hurt and had to go home and be around people I missed and loved. Before I knew it, he was going crazy. All he could keep saying was, “How could she leave me?” while he bawled on the phone to my best friend, pleading for me to return to Bangalore, promising that we would start afresh.

Alone again. Image source: YouTube.com

Part 3 – The Breakup I returned home to my friends in Bombay and I was a complete mess. At first, I kept my phone switched off so he couldn’t reach me, but at the same time I ached to be back with him and make things work. After all, neither of us had fallen this madly in love with another person. Despite having run away, I knew I loved him and I longed to return to him. The day I left Bombay, was the day he flew to be with his best friend in Delhi. He claimed he did not know how to be in the same city without me. I understood that perfectly. I spent some time in Bombay with my closest friends. Over what felt like a hundred conversations in ten days and four flights back and forth between Bombay and Bangalore, we finally figured it out.

Acceptance and forgiveness was key, besides letting go of our past. Never again was I going to lie about stupid shit that made me insecure. If there was one thing we knew was real, it was the love we had for each other.

I came back to Bangalore and slowly learnt the importance of self love. He learnt how to control his temper and be calm. Every time we neared a disagreement about something irrelevant, one of us would laugh it off and hug the other or would walk into a separate room for a few minutes and cool off. We knew our arguments were not worth it. We were better than that. We had to be. The next four months we saw our fights go down dramatically. We went from fighting once a day to once a week, soon it was once a month, then suddenly there were no more fights. The fights were slowly replaced with laughs, giggles, hugs, kisses and sex a couple times a week, while we focused on our personal goals and ambitions.

Moving in. Image source: bymovers.com

Part 4 - A Long Distance Relationship We went from living in a 3BHK with two other flatmates for over a year to renting out our first home together. That was no easy task. We met several brokers, most of whom told us to lie to the landlords, telling them we were engaged or married, otherwise we were not going to get a home. At first, we decided we wanted to be honest and tell them we were an unmarried couple, living together. That didn’t work out too well. We saw far too many rejections and eventually decided we would tell people we were engaged and would be married in one year. That worked.

We moved into a new home. After having spent one year obsessing over each other, it was time to go back to focusing on honing our individual skills and pursuing things we were passionate about, while being supportive of each other. The only kind of arguments we had were about the dirty dishes in the kitchen on a Sunday evening, clothes from the washing machine not being hung out to dry, serving dinner after work – all of the bickering typically associated with a married couple. We were truly at peace with each other.

I started taking yoga seriously and began working out. We made time for our girl and guy friends, having a girls or boys night out. There were long weekends when we took a trip together or just stayed in bed all day having a movie marathon, eating junk, smoking and having incredible sex. We no longer obsessively checked each others cellphones. Communicating with friends or acquaintances of the opposite sex was not equivalent to cheating on each other.

At peace. Image source: YouTube.com

Everything was perfect. We would dream of a future settling down in Bangalore. I loved travelling and having a father who had grown up in five different countries and travelled across the world, I yearned to live in different countries at some point too. Once Sammy realised I was serious about it, he decided to contact international recruiters. I was thrilled! In the last few weeks, a highly lucrative job offer came up from Singapore, which included being based out of Singapore and travelling across Southeast Asia on work, accompanied with a six figure annual salary. This meant he would have to leave before I had any solid plans of studying. After a lot of urging on my part, he finally accepted the offer.

Transitioning from a live-in to a long distance relationship is no easy task. The one way I plan to cope with it is through embracing the new experiences and learnings that come my way and by constantly keeping myself occupied reading, writing, learning different subjects, exercising and exploring new music. We have made a pact to meet once in four months so we have something to look forward to, besides weekly FaceTime video calls and texting, sharing photos through the day whenever we get the chance to do so.

We have convinced each other that this is only temporary and that we will get married in the next two years. For now I am going to be optimistic about the new, independent adventures that lie ahead of us, before we come together again. I promise to return with an update on our relationship status in 2020!

Disclaimer: The views expressed in this article are independent views solely of the author(s) expressed in their private capacity and do not in any way represent or reflect the views of 101india.com

By Sasha Klaatu Cover photo credit: collegetimes.com

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