#maybe not deleting the whole account but stopping updating it

[linolinoing]

🫧

[notpixl]

Realizing they’re in love with you! HSR Edition

(Ft. Robin, Acheron, Blackswan, Feixiao)

Y’all this came up to me while in class the voices told me to write this okay or else they’ll delete my accounts 🥲

Also, Beauty amidst Death will have an update. I’m just cringing at the fact that I decided leave it in strange place and am wondering how to continue it…

GN!Reader as usual. I want all sides to be happy

—————

———

—————

Robin

It’s… weird?

Well, she does get the usual fans declaring their love to her and all but somehow you’re different??? Like what-

Nowadays, whenever you two hug she’s always a blushing mess! And how come she just noticed that you’re… really, really close…

Too close…

There’s like this feeling on her stomach whenever you two are together. It doesn’t matter if it’s a call, a meetup, or just hanging out! It… It’s always there!

And whenever your name is mentioned her ears perk up! Like… what did do you to her?!

Eventually she’ll consult about these feelings with Sunday but he just chuckles it off, leaving her to guess what it is. (At least give her a hint!)

Though the answer would come knocking at her door

It was a simple gift

From you

There’s a little note etched into the cover

“For someone that means so much to me :)”

Opening it revealed a pretty little necklace

With a Dove as its Pendant

…come to think of it don’t they represent something?

She’s sure it was something about…

Peace…

Freedom…

And Love!

Wait…

Love…?

Oh

Oh

She slowly covers her face in embarrassment

Why… did it take her so long to figure this out?!

Aeons, she’s so dumb!

“All this time I was in love with them…”

Acheron

She’s met many people

Countless if you will

But why…?

Why is it that in this ever current flow of forgetting and remembering…

She just can’t seem to forget your lovely face?

She’ll rush to the libraries, read the news, heck, even threaten ask the greatest philosophers on what this feeling means!

Perhaps that Memokeeper knows something…?

Oh forget it!

She’ll tackle this head-on!

…by asking you herself.

“Ah… so that’s it is… Love.”

Black Swan

Hmm… what a quaint feeling she’s having when you’re around

Love, isn’t it?

She’s only seen and heard about it… but not once has she ever had the chance to have a feel…

…would you reciprocate these feeling as well?

Although that possibility comes in mind…

She’d rather hear it from you than face the harsh reality of rejection

Then again…

Would her as a whole be enough?

She’s never considered using her body to charm someone, let alone the person she has come to love…

Perhaps…

Perhaps you will

“The possibilities are endless… but I’ll never stop it from blooming.”

Feixiao

She’s rather perplexed

Wait- no… yeah no that actually works-

All it takes was one glance during her walk and now she’s stumbling on her way to work with this… strange feeling

There’s no point in running away, she already has Moze tracking you down

She’d talk to Jiaoqiu about this, only receiving a shrug and scraps of determination to “find it out herself.”

Cheeky Foxian…

Hmm…

Maybe she should ask from the source itself?

———

You lay in bed, already done with today’s schedule when you notice a shift in weight on your waist

Your eyes hesitate to open

“That’s not a good way to greet guests, isn’t it?”

Moving won’t help

“Look at me.”

You’re met with such a pair of eyes you can’t even begin to describe them

Scary? Beautiful? I think that shouldn’t be your main concern right now-

“I’ve got a question…”

Her grip tightens on your shoulders

“What did you do to me?”

—————

———

—————

Um… no comment down here

I hope you enjoyed/hated it

Asks are always open I guess if you want to force me to write and die and sob and and and a sn

[questersrest]

so apparently it was confirmed a nintendo direct is happening at some point in june. among us often gets updates revealed at directs and dropped a trailer for an update coming june 18th then quickly deleted it as if they accidentally dropped it early, so people think there’s a direct coming june 18th or before then.

given the dragon quest social media accounts recently hinted at dq3 hd-2d remake coming soon, i’ve got my fingers crossed for an announcement at this nintendo direct.

i was also watching the reveal of dq3 hd-2d remake at the 35th anniversary again and i noticed that yuji horii mentioned that if people like it, maybe they could do dq1 and dq2 as well but the guy with the whistle stopped them talking about that too much. when the game was teased on dq day this year, the video only had a dragon quest series logo and a shield logo that says “hd-2d”

what i’m saying is, what if the reason they’ve been so quiet about this game for 3 years despite the game appearing to be quite far along in development in the initial trailer is cause they ended just remaking the whole erdrick trilogy? it’s not like remaking dq1 and dq2 would take too long if they already had the engine and some assets from dq3.

[hydrangeyes]

Unnamed

So if you don't know, Yes this already existed, my old account was deleted (accident but I can tell I won't be getting it back), and am reposting my old x male reader works!

I don't know if I saved all of them but here is one that was saved to my AO3 account.

Edit: So shuffling through my docs It's been brought to my attention that wattpad (who I use as backup) Cut a lot of my fics in half??? anyway I'll be trying to fix that also

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Edit Nov.8.2023:

*Looks everywhere but at you* it..it was going to be pwp.

Botw link x male lynel hybrid

Warning: kinda slow burn, romance is there????, it is, courting, violence, slight misunderstanding, belly bulge, big dick, cum play, ass eating, blow jobs, pet play, overstimulation, nipple play/light torture, somniphilia, crying, light angst, public sex, voyeurism, switch link, switch oc, updated as I write lmao, this is pretty slice of life tbh, just with porn, ruts/heats, This is some wild shit, Wow google search please don’t 

Are you telling me lynel's exist and someone hasn't once thought "maybe 👀 these centaur babes can get it?" Cause I honestly don't believe that.

================================================

Chapter 1: I love Chabi, I feel like she would be a gremlin.

Note: Puuuuuure self-indulgence. Like listen my brain went brrrrrrrrr, this is for fellow monsterfuckers

Traveling after fighting Ganon all at once was rather...fun. Maybe it’s because he went straight to the source of evil and somehow lucked out. And now don’t have a sense of urgency to get to that end goal. The collecting of his memories happened right after as well and by then the princess herself wanted to truly rest up before traveling with him.

He didn’t like the thought of leaving her behind, but he felt a little more at ease that at least she would be staying with Purah for the time being.

Link shivers as he tugs up the fur around his neck. Snowfield was feeling extra chilly for some reason.  He moves a little faster, shuffling through his pockets as he ate one of his emergency peppers. Imagine his relief when he sees the stable just up ahead with a few of the tiny town’s stacked together houses.

“Ah, link!” A voice calls to him once he steps in. The tavern/horse stable wasn’t too packed thank goodness but there was a familiar face. Chabi grins waving at the surprised Hylian.

Chabi and he became pretty good friends after the handful of times Link has saved her as well as traded monster parts with her. She mainly stuck to warmer places and just barely the edges of goron city. It seemed she was acting as an in-between for Kilton and fellow travelers. But being so far from the usual land she would circle in?

“Chabi? A bit far from the base aren’t you?” Link said softly with gesturing to the whole thick woven sweater she was in. Giggling chabi smirks puffing out her chest. “Call me the official Monster tradesman! I’ve started traveling a little further out for those rare materials. Kilton even gifted me with some weapons that’ll protect me better!” she starts up, gesturing him to join her at the little table she was sitting at.

“And so I thought why not start the one place I know the boss doesn’t care to visit. He doesn’t like the cold, he says it makes his feet clammy.”

Link holds back the many questions that pop up in his head about that. Best to store that away with the other questions he has under Kilton’s name. “I..see. So Snowfield was your first stop or?”

“Hm? OH no hehe. Rather some interesting rumors brought me here.”

Feeling like this will be a long one Link waves over a barmaid to buy some spicy curry and hopefully a few fish skewers. Maybe buy a bed for the night as well, just in case, the others get taken.

---------------------------------------------------------

“-And so there I was! Hearing about a lynel wandering between the mountains and near the ruins! And oh I just had to see for myself, maybe ask for a few loose fangs or toenails you know?”

“No. I don’t know.” Link muttered into his drink. It felt like hours since she started this story, before finally getting to the point. He learned way more about how to skin mokoblin guts than he wished. Anyway- “I doubt they would give you a fang but what’s this about it traveling to the ruins?” As far as Link knew most lynels up here were feral or didn’t live anywhere close to the ruins.

“Well, which ruins now that I think about it…” Link asks as Chabi finishes up the last fish skewer. 

“Mhh, Well I say ruins but really it’s the forgotten temple.”

Now that got his attention. What could a lynel want in that guardian-ridden place??? Link frowns leaning back o think about it. That temple of any was the most dangerous and well...Link couldn’t help but feel a little responsible since he didn’t exactly break down the guardians still in there. He was still getting the hang of dealing with those, much less the mobile ones.

The thought of those stalkers since a bone-deep type over shiver. “Why don’t you let me check out if the rumors are true or not. I know you can take on a hoard of bokoblins but even when they’re going easy on you lynels are tough, and rather approach you than vice versa.”

Chabi yawns pouting a bit, sleep probably just now getting to her. “Mm, I suppose. If you can leave them a welcoming message to trade with me please?” she half pleads and half demands. Link nods getting up for a stretch, absolutely happy that she didn’t stop him. He was ready to collapse on the nearest free bed. “I will, soon as I get up I’ll head on over okay?

“Link if I wasn’t so devoted to the boss, I could just kiss you right now!”

“Please don’t.”

------------------------------------------------------

End Notes:

Basing a lot of this on my 3 playthroughs of botw. And I played them chaotically, as well as just overall making some things up. I kinda want there to be a lot more people in the botw world, like stables have small villages of their own (tarrey town size at least).

 I have a whole dnd esc Au for this where most monsters have their own tribes etc. but lynels, Lizalfos, and maybe wizzrobes interact with humanoids and trade with them. Except for maybe wizzrobes, I feel like they’re more steal your shit and bargain it back, type people.

This issss planned to be very long like, there’s a whole courting arc I have in mind, If you’re here just for the porn, it’ll be marked.

Anyway, this will all probably be unedited and sloppy. It’s for fun and the chapter lengths will probably vary as well. Idk why but I like the thought of the monster appreciators hooking us best friends (or partners) and link is just there, rethinking his life choices. 

But again real talk I right this whenever my mind gets staticy so please excuse any grammar issues, the many run-on sentences, etc etc 👍

--------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: O-oh someone fucked a Lynel.

If there's one thing he loved about the snowy areas it was waking up to fresh snow in the morning or nights.

Breathing in that crisp air and starting his journey. Link rubs his cold cheeks, face a bit flushed.

But Chiba woke him up first thing and he will admit he was also wondering about this traveling lynel. The locals (at least the ones up) all mentioned how the lynel kept to themselves, and only came to buy directly from the farmer.

Makes him wonder if the lynel was checking out the area to maybe start up a new home. Shaking his head Link focused on climbing the hill and not sliding off. 

[terraliensvent]

Ok civ's response is honestly kinda funny, I should've known only someone equally as delusional could go along with coy's bullshit all this time.

https://toyhou.se/~bulletins/2068868.update

Image link in case it gets deleted: https://imgur.com/a/lDxBSoT

As another unemployed artist the fact they think terra staff "ruined their income" when not only are they absolutely popular enough to make money off their art. They also have coy's audience backing them as well, so this claim is extremely laughable to me. Try having no audience at all and not having a community made up of big spenders from cs communities, then maybe we'll feel a little sympathy.

Or better yet maybe if you and coy contributed an ounce of effort beyond being greedy assholes you'd still be able to make money off the species. But no, clearly they never learn their fucking lesson because every single species they've made eventually gets ruined because of their insistence on running the species according to how much money they can make.

It's genuinely hilarious to me that they both actually think they're the victims in this situation because terra staff finally put their foots down and said they can't keep using the species for money. Go get a damn job if you're that desperate and stop taking advantage of the people who want to actually enjoy the species and especially stop causing issues for the terra staff team who are actually fucking trying despite all the bullshit they've had to go through because of you both.

I'm so tired of them and entitled greedy cs owners in general, I couldn't fathom being this self centered honestly it's sad.

post related

bulletin link

yeah i think im gonna call bullshit on this, lets do a little dissection here

" What they didn't mention was how they banned both coy and myself (even though I had nothing to do with the deletion of the pets/left the conversation civilly before that was discussed), "

even if civ had nothing to do with deleting the pets, i would argue terra staff made the right choice in banning them. what coy did is equivalent to vandalism and can cause further problems if there are issues with code and such. furthermore, wouldnt it make sense to ban civ as well if theyre closely associated and have the power on the account to do more vandalism? civ you werent doing shit for the species other than farting out adopts every week, youll live.

 "..refused to negotiate with us, did not include us in the original discussion about OUR OWN TERMS that were agreed on when we left ownership, and the new owner was unwilling to participate in the discussion originally."

i am SO curious to see what actually went on in staff chat. the conclusion im personally drawing here is that the original discussion occurred in a staff-only chat (somewhere where civ and coy wouldnt be because theyre NOT FUCKING STAFF) and then when the final agreement was reached, they came to civ and coy. maybe they could have gone differently about it but honestly, knwoing now that civ and coy have continually shut down any sort of discussion like this due to their greed (cough cough THIS whole debacle) im not surprised they wouldnt be asked for their two cents.

"Both sides have made mistakes; but the terra staff refused to acknowledge their dishonest and disrespectful actions that led up to this. Had they been willing to compromise and talk to us, this wouldn't have happened. "

again i am just not willing to believe this when civ and coy have a history of being shitty to staff (shall i bring back the receipts?), when cal(tycho) has a history of being a good owner even after the enormous shitshow of what you put him through, when, after you two finally fucked off, things are actually being MOVED FORWARD in the species (like trait guides, new items to allow lim traits, new site assets, all within a timeframe of like. two months. civ and coy had the species for over a fucking year and did nothing. just some food for thought)

like im not going to believe you unless you give adequate proof in the form of screenshots or something. but they probably wouldnt do that because it would most likely show current staff being totally reasonable and you two shitting your diapers over it.

"They silenced me and put their foot down, ruining my source of income as a disabled unemployed artist."

hmm lets crunch some numbers here

you have seven terra adopts that are on your most recent designs tab. presumably you are allowed to keep the money from that because it happened before everything went down

now a lot of these are pretty pricey, the first in the list is $300

however if you go through the rest of their recent designs its all little chibi stuff for around ~$20. that could be a defense for the "wah wah you stole my one source of income" if it werent for the fact these designs almost never go unsold, they have chibi slots open for $45, and they also have fucking isopups to ride the coattails off of. like you will be fine, you have many ways to make money off of your art as opposed to some 10 follower account. this is pop artist bitching at its finest.

and again, it is THEIR FAULT they dont have terra income anymore. how in the world is it fair for them to have more money opportunities than people actively working on the species just because they slapped their names on it.

finally lets do a funny little comment showcase!

people keep equating the old staff team to the new staff team. lets talk about bear, lets talk about kea, lets talk about fucking coy. thats the staff YOU employed, not the people trying to throw together the pieces. you want to again, absolve yourself of all responsibility acting like it wasnt YOUR FRIENDS that YOU picked for the staff team that was causing problems. bear literally caused the first downfall of the species (architechals) and YOUR staff are the ones who ran with it and decided to be petty and immature and make knockoffs. i swear to god this reminds me of people saying shit like "the economy was better under x president!" when the current president inherits the economy of the previous one

jesse please do everyone a favor and just shut up for once, you only care as long as you can profit off of the situation, your wording is so stupid i genuinely lost braincells. civ and coy absolutely do have the means to make money off their art, far more than other people, and the issue with the situation is that theyre making more money off the species than the people actually putting in work to maintain the fucking species, the agreement according to tycho would have STILL allowed them to make more than terra staff but they were too greedy and stupid to just shut up. and to make an ableism argument really just makes me want to bash my head into a wall. civ is not some poor discarded puppy "thrown out in the rain," they have the ability to make a lot more fucking money than most others can off of art, and not to mention they have the ability to use the fans of those they have connections with, like coy or even fucking kea

but in all seriousness, its SO fucking funny to me how theyre acting like civ and coy are some fucking marytrs for terraliens, like they were working sleepless nights to do the best they could each and every day hoping and praying they could make it!! please be fucking for real. again, that species did not even have TRAIT GUIDES for the full calendar year after it was created because civ and coy just didnt give enough of a fuck to do it. listen im gonna ride or die for new staff right now because there is TANGIBLE EVIDENCE of them actually going above and beyond anything ever done under civ and coy. compare #staff-wips from civ and coys reign to now. before, all you would see is adopts. thats it. nothing else just adopts. now, within the course of three months, new staff have come up with unique events, had lore writer, mod, and OA applications, released a new set of forageables THAT GIVE REWARDS, entirely revamped one of the forage areas with plans to do the rest, held the myo compensation event (a feat in and of itself), show CONTINUAL wips of shit actually important to the species (like new items), take in community input, and again, above all else, FINALLY put out trait guides. id say theyre doing fucking leagues more work than civ and coy ever did.

and this is just fucking laughable. ive already made all my arguments, you can see the types of people we are dealing with here. calling jealousy is absurd and downright hilarious

their fanbases need to wake tf up because these people love to victimize themselves and misconstrue shit all day long

[writingintheshadowsforever]

Hi Let Me Explain

Quick Note: This might be a long post so I don't blame anyone who doesn't read the whole thing. This is an explanation, an apology, and an update all in one.

Hi everyone I'm back this time for real. I won't make any promises to posting three to four times a week. I won't make any promises on what series or request will be updated first. I will reassure all of you than none of my series or requests are forgotten about. I have them saved somewhere and plan on finishing them. The plan here is to take it one day at a time. One fic at a time. As I start my journey to finding the joy in writing again.

You see I've been doing a lot of self reflection these past couple of weeks. I've been at war with myself on rather or not to let a dream go. That dream to become this big time bestselling author one day. I didn't want to admit that dream which has always been my biggest dream since like high school was doing more harm than good. The dream of being a published writer is destroying my love for writing. So I need to let it go before I find myself hating writing altogether.

Its never easy to walk away or let go of your dreams especially for creatives. I sort of feel like its harder for any type of artist in whatever field to admit that they want to move onto something else. Because we grow up having to listen to parents and teachers telling us. Its not a plausible goal and to pick a safer path or at least have a backup goal. And most of us decide right then and there no matter what we're going to prove all those people wrong. No matter what obstacles we have to face, how many times we fail, or how long it takes. We are determined to find success with our craft and make them eat those words.

Some of us refuse to even consider another interest or path. Some of us put all our eggs in one basket. Some of us let our craft become our entire identity meaning. Later on if we want to walk away or maybe just put on the back burner for a while. Its like losing who you are as a person. You feel like you've failed yourself and at life for letting go. I say letting go and not giving up because I will never give up on writing or more specifically storytelling.

Storytelling made me the person I am today. I wouldn't be here today without my love for storytelling. It got me out of some dark places as a kid and still does today. Storytelling is the only real magic in this world.

As a writer who feel like the heart of storytelling is dying because of capitalism. I can't let it go. I can't let my love for it die which is why for now I have to let the dream go. It doesn't mean my dream still won't come true one day. And its not like becoming a bestselling author is my only dream. I have other dreams that have take the backseat, and I think its time to move them to the front seat.

For now on I write for the joy of it. I write to get those stories out of me. When it comes to my writing I don't ever want it to be about money or fame. Starting now I'm going to stop stressing over traditional publishing and rather or not I'll ever be good enough.

I'm sorry everyone for being gone so long. For a while a part of me started to contemplate giving up on writing altogether and even deleting this account. I was starting to hate writing because I was so stressed trying to figure out how to achieve success as a professional writer.

I once had a stranger who I didn't know at all tell me that one day I was going to be a great writer. Never met or talked to this guy a day in my life. I felt like it was a sign from God, the universe or whatever you believe in. Either way it was some divine intervention moment letting me know I was one day destined for a long and great career as a professional writer. But do you have to be a professional writer to be a great writer? Is it the same thing? Can someone be great at something but never find traditional success? Those are the questions that have been running my head every time I thought about letting go. I still going to struggle with those questions, but I hope one day I find the answer. What makes a great writer?

After going through my old fics the ones I'm going to get started on are:

Queen Ramonda x Reader Enemies to Lover

Part 2 to being Namor's daughter and choosing Wakanda over Talokan

Steal Your Heart

Not Who You Think I Am

New Marvel Stuff

New Addition

My Hero Academia imagines because its my new anime obsession

[ofmermaidstories]

Let me preface this by saying I did check your FAQ but I didn't see this there yet I still find it hard to believe no one has asked you this at least a thousand times so if they did and I just missed it I'm sorry and you can delete this ask but—

You write such beautiful, detailed fics with lots of foreshadowing that often starts from the very beginning of the story. I think you made an author note once about only posting the first chapter of a fic after you've written the whole thing (or maybe that was Andie...?). If so, is the time between updates just you going through and rereading / editing like 100k words?

Basically, I want to ask: what is your fic planning process like? From the moment you get a first idea to posting the last chapter, what does I look like? I think you're a really, really amazing (one of the absolute best if not THE best) author but I cannot fathom how one human being can write such mammoths of fanfiction and stay motivated enough to finish them.

Also you're already planning Halloween stuff ?? You plan things literally half a year in advance?? Are you even human? We don't deserve you. 😭

You called yourself lazy in the webcomic post but I think you must work unbelievably hard to make such high quality stuff and without even getting compensation for it. You're amazing and I'm very thankful to exist in the right timeline and fandom to read your work. :,)

(oh my god this became such a ramble I'm sorry)

Oh Ari. 🥺 Hello.

I update as I write! So that was probably Andie, lmao, who’s definitely the better example to follow when it comes to plotting/completing a fic. 🥺 She’s amazing and if I could fashion myself after any other writer in our niche, it would be Andie hands down!

But okay, let’s get into it. 📝

A little disclaimer, before we start; I did not go to school for any of this lmfao. The most relevant education I have behind me is a extra-circular literature class I had during my last two years of high-school. The only reason the following works for me is because I’ve cobbled it together from years of trial and error. You can read advice and watch youtube videos about the writing habits of famous authors, but you have to tailor everything you hear to suit you and the way you work. The best advice in the world from the highest paid author in the world won’t work if you’re not wired in the same way! You have to take everything about yourself and what you like and what you want into account!

Part I—first we take Manhattan

start ur fic lol

First thing’s first; I’m a plotter. I don’t pants. If I pants, I lose interest—I need to have the final vision in front of me, even if it’s just a bullet point. I have to know what I’m working towards. That is crucial to literally everything I do. Every fic you see on AO3, every WIP I’ve mentioned working on or wanting to work on—I have always known two things about them, immediately: the hook that gets us in there, and how they end.

So for fics in particular, the start might look something like—I get an idea (I want Reader and Bakugou to kiss). And then I sit there and I brainstorm to myself (What’s stopping them from kissing? Why does Reader want to kiss someone so rude when there’s so many other nice boys out there? Is Reader particularly kissable?). And then, if I’m lucky, I think of an ending (Reader and Bakugou finally kiss, but he’s the one that initiates it, because he’s always wanted to, because he likes that Reader always wears a yellow coat to work—it’s ugly and it sticks out among the black and tan ones of the crowd but he comes to associate it—and thus Reader—with routine and his mornings going well).

This is often the most fragile time of an idea. That hook (Reader and Bakugou kiss) might fall apart with a bit more prodding (why would they kiss? Reader’s a stranger to him; most of us don’t go around kissing random strangers just because we like their coats). Or maybe the hook sticks (they spend almost years in orbit around each other, a constant near-miss) but the ending doesn’t work (I don’t know how to move Bakugou to a position where he can kiss Reader, where he has the opportunity to). For every idea you see in action, or listed, there’s like three more that died during this stage and are now being cannibalised for spare parts.

Part II—running up that hill (a deal with fic)

work work work

If our idea survives, we then move to the “throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” stage; which manifests itself in this case as a doc, where I’ll just write any and all ideas I have for this little world so far.

For fanfics, it’ll generally look like—

TITLE

SUMMARY: Bakugou and Reader kiss.

(in which Bakugou first notices you because of your ugly yellow coat)

📝 Reader is allergic to diary products; for ages Bakugou thinks of her as That Cheesy Extra, because of the colour of her coat. She laughs when she eventually learns about this. (“I can’t even eat cheese,” you complain)

📝 Reader stops walking past the coffee shop Bakugou gets his coffee at, one day; moves??? Leaves the city to help a friend out for a few months. Despite himself it throws Bakugou off-kilter, and when he sees someone (not Reader) in a yellow coat during a villian attack, he momentarily loses focus—gets injured???? The news of his injury makes the news, Reader sees it in Bumblah nowhere.

📝 Her coat is donated accidentally by a roommate, in a mix up, for a charity she’s volunteering at; when Reader returns to the city, she has to make do with a new one, a more neutral colour. Bakugou recognises her anyway and that’s when he realises it was never about the coat (!!!!)

Like, this is actually a pretty good approximation of what all my current fics have looked like, at that stage, before I tidied them up and refined them into proper outlines. Because that’s what will happen next, once we have a rough idea of what we want! Things get moved, or removed—tightened. A rough plot outline takes shape! If I get any ideas for a sequel or a spin off that I might want to do, I’ll note them here (Reader’s roommate, Roomie, who’s working at a charity—eventually meets Shinsou, who’s working on a case. She thinks he’s homeless; he doesn’t realise. They carry on like this for a while.)

Once I have a rough outline (rough meaning in bulletpoints), I’ll start on my more in-depth outlines—I do these chapter by chapter! I say this a lot, but they’re basically a really rough version of said chapter. So it might look like:

Reader’s walking to work; it’s cold enough that’s she’s wearing her coat. There’s a new coffee-shop opened on the corner—it’s full, popular, you think it might be because it’s at a crossroads between two different Pro Hero agencies. Reader glances at the window, interested, but then a friend calls out and you hurry along. Bakugou, inside the coffee-shop waiting for Half and Half to get his order, is affronted; your coat is ugly as shit, and he complains loudly about it to Shouto, who mentions something about Baku. having no room to complain about ugly colour choices.

The swap between Reader/You happens a lot because I’m not using my brain properly, at this stage—I’m just shovelling the sand I need into the sandbox. Once I finish my shovelling, I go back and I rewrite it—but better, LMAO. I flesh things out, I throw things away as needed, I add things in. It’s basically really, really intensive handholding and I would not recommend it for anyone who’s already daunted by the idea of plotting; I do it because if I don’t have a chaperone there (aka my outline) then I’m prone to getting distracted. I am basically the fanfic equivalent of the undiagnosed ADHD kid at the back of the class that only gets work done when they’re sat right in front of the teacher (and even then, there’s like a 50% chance it’s not actually work that’s happening but doodles of that weird pointy S thing over and over again).

Once it’s done, though, we have a completed chapter! I then post it and wait like a little crab under some rocks for people to be tricked into being nice to me, and then I dig back in and think nice thoughts about repeating this process to get chapter two. Eventually I will—and viola! Another chapter! We repeat that over and over until we get to the end of our original outline and we have a finished story. 😌📖

Part III—you’re on your own kid

motivation

No one ever likes this part, or what I’m about to say, because at best it sounds like saccharine fodder and at worse it’s out of touch with most people’s experiences in fandom, but—the only way to stay motivated when doing a long-haul fic is that you have to do it for yourself.

People are so kind to me, about the fics I’ve done; it’s part luck and part what I choose to write and part how I write it. And I mean—I share them because I want a little bit of attention, lmao, that’s natural because we’re humans, we all want attention. But here’s the thing, here’s the secret—I take these fics 110% deadly seriously. LOL. That sounds like a joke, but I do! I do that because it’s how I’m built and how I keep myself interested in them—because taking them seriously means I’m more invested in realising the ending I’ve imagined for them since day one.

If other people stopped being so nice about what I was writing, I would be sad—anyone would. 🥺 We all want to be told that we’ve done a good job. But I’ve had the ending for the Deku fic, for example, in my head since it’s predecessor was on-going. That is literal years of knowing how I want Izuku and Scribble’s story to end. If everyone disappeared tonight I would sulk, hardcore, and then I would finish that last chapter anyway. I would finish it because I’ve spent so much time and energy working on that story that not finishing it is a disservice to the world I built around those characters and most importantly to myself. I probably wouldn’t stress as much about it, LOL, if the audience shrunk back down to just me, but I’d still do it. 🥺

I write—and try to finish—these fics because I deserve to see them finished. I want the completed tick, on ao3. I want to look at it and know that I can do it—that I can start something as simple as Bakugou hating on some rando’s yellow coat, and bring it to the finish-line where they finally come together, and see each other, without the yellow coat or through a coffee-shop window.

And this is what I mean by like, tailoring things to suit you—because I know others might be perfectly content to imagine the ending for themselves, without writing it. Or maybe they don’t want to treat fic seriously, because it’s fun escapism. Maybe disappointment that it’s not received like they thought it would be sours the whole experience of fandom for someone—there’s no right or wrong to this. I know I can write for an audience of just me because I’ve done it before. The satisfaction has always come back to the same thing—knowing I finished it, and wrapped that world up as best as I could. You have to pick and choose your poison—and then you have to run with it.

I hope that answers at least some of your questions, Ari. 🥺 Thank-you for such a thoughtful ask; for being so sweet. 🥺 You’re amazing, and I’m the thankful one—I’m glad we’re here, together. 🌷🌾✨📖

[keldjinfae]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Okay, so first off, thanks to @dear-massacre for this one. I got to filter through a lot of things I wrote for other fandoms besides Teen Wolf, and while I won't be sharing them (purely because most of them fell victim to the Great Strikethrough Purge, and the "clean" versions I have up on the Pit that is fanfiction.net are... frankly, things I would delete if I could remember what the hell my log-in is), I did remember one I co-wrote with a friend of mine over a decade ago. And neither of us remembers how to log into that old account we created solely for the purpose of writing something together (let me just say, AO3 allowing for co-creators is a fucking godsend), so the link for that one will have to direct you there instead of AO3. I may be able to update this with an AO3 link, provided @caseyvalhalla (said cowriter) is able to find a full version of the fic in their backup drive (which would be outstanding, seeing as how my copy of the fic was lost at some point about three or four PCs/laptops ago).

I also left WIPs out of this list because I feel like that might be too cruel of a tease, seeing as how I haven't updated them since about 2011.

Freaks and Fools is a Halloween-themed fic that Casey and I brainstormed together in about two hours after the initial joke of mashing up Kingdom Hearts and Peanuts. One of us said "Axel is Snoopy, sleeping out on the lawn," and it suddenly turned into him also being Johnny from The Outsiders; what followed was a feverish brainstorming session of determining the perfect way to balance drama and humor. Then we wrote and edited the whole damn thing over the course of three coffee-laden weekends.

I'm Not Asking Questions, I'm Taking My Chances is the first fic I wrote for the Sterek Reverse Bang. I'd previously written a fic for the Sterek Reverse Quickie, and it was my very first Teen Wolf fic, period, while I fucked around and found out if I'd be able to write for the fandom. Turns out, I could. The minimum word count for the RB was 5k, so naturally I wrote something up in the 80k range because I have zero chill.

It's a fantasy AU that very loosely (seriously, so loose that you definitely don't want to be relying on this fic to catch you in a trustfall exercise) incorporates themes from the Merlin series. Writing it helped teach me how to better plan out scenes, in terms of "do I really need to write out this whole scene independently or could I just incorporate it briefly into this already-existing one?" It also gave me better practice at determining when I was going to have to let scenes go altogether, maybe with the notion that I might write them someday and add them on later.

You Gotta Promise Not to Stop When I Say When is a fic I wrote for the Sterek Reverse Quickie, during which I was paired up with the same artist who I'd written for during my very first RQ. She wanted comfort, made a moodboard about it (sadly, Discord stopped image hosting so the links to all of her previous artwork are all broken), and I decided I wanted to write comfort as well. I gave her two choices (Derek takes Stiles's pain, or Stiles is a vampire sharing a house with Derek, and both of them accuse the other of being a squatter--it's a long, stupid story that has gone off the rails in a meme prompt thread on Discord), and went with the one that both of us could sink into.

This one is probably my absolute favorite because I literally just wrote what I know. Stiles is disabled, Derek helps him cope with it. I can't really sell it any better than that, other than to say that I wrote my own personal experiences, but Sterekified.

We're Floating in the Moonlit Sky is a Sterek fic I wrote for a little something called the 1000 Cakes Challenge, which provided the writer and artist participants with a word, an action, and a setting, and had us all spin our own take on them. The word was "kumquat," the action was "pursuit" or "sleepwalk" (I incorporated both--again, zero chill), and the setting was a gorgeous painting of a snowy forest that one of the moderators made herself just for the challenge. Initially, I wasn't even going to participate because I'd literally just finished writing my latest Sterek RB fic and thought I was burned out. Then an idea smacked me in the face right as I was falling asleep.

I love this one because it's more or less just me allowing myself some pure self-indulgence. There's some angst, there's some drama, but most of it is just seeing how many Christmas carol references I can squeeze in as puns. Stiles is half-elf and half-frost sprite, Derek is still a werewolf, Peter is Krampus (thanks to @ice-mage, because "of course Peter is Krampus"), and Noah is Santa Claus.

My Echo, My Shadow, and Me is the Sterek Reverse Bang fic I wrote before I got started on Floating. I somehow managed to write 100k+ words in a bit under four months, and satisfied my desire to write a season 3a "fix-it" (of sorts--more like a revision) in the process. I don't know if the experience would be the same for @nerdherderette, who wound up beta-reading "the Beast in Blue" in the course of about 20 hours, but it was damn satisfying to write.

Essentially, all of season 3a still happens, but Jackson never leaves and Cora never arrives. I wanted to explore everyone's strengths and flaws, and I wanted to write an alternate take on the nogitsune without having to rewrite 3b as well.

[actualhumansunshine]

Any advice on how to not feel like crap every time I see someone go to special Niall related events while I have never ever had a chance to and I probably never will. Everyone keeps telling me to be grateful for what I have and to stop worrying, but I can’t count the times I’ve actually cried while wishing for the same chances and opportunities as those people have. This whole album rollout has been so difficult for me mentally due to that reason and I just wanted it to be a fun experience. You always give good advices and I don’t know who else to turn to anymore. 😔

omg i'm sorry you're feeling so horrible!! trust me, i totally get how you're feeling cause i also live in the middle of fucking nowhere where no one ever comes for anything. i think your feelings are totally valid. it absolutely DOES suck to watch other people get opportunities that you would love to have. it's normal to feel upset or jealous about that sometimes.

when it comes to actual advice: it kinda seems like you already know what you need to do. as you've pointed out, stan culture and fandom culture makes it all so much worse when those opportunities and experiences are treated as social currency that makes them feel superior or like Better Fans than everyone else. when it turns toxic like that, i think the best thing you can do is separate yourself from those people and accounts. i know it's hard, cause it might feel like you're losing out on community or information or whatever, but really do think that at the end of the day, it's not worth putting yourself through seeing that stuff if it just makes you feel miserable all the time.

and it doesn't necessarily have to be deleting twitter altogether or unfollowing people or anything like that if it feels like too much!! you could start with just muting certain accounts that trigger you more than others. or maybe try taking a break from twitter for a while and going to other places for fandom content. you could even try cutting out everything except for update accounts so you're still seeing the content without as many of the Opinions. whatever feels right to you. the most important thing is just curating your experience so you're only seeing the things that bring you joy and not the shit that drags you down and makes you feel fucking miserable

[mwebber]

read through the threads and oh my god, this is all so severely fucked up and i can’t believe today is the first time i’m hearing about it (outside petty anti/pro ship squabbles online). also, what the hell, otw racism and ai?? how does the prev post have less than 1k notes? why isn’t this everywhere?

my knee jerk reaction is to pull all my fics from ao3 immediately.. i don’t know if that’ll help anything. i just don’t want to be complicit in sending any further traffic to the site. i’ll certainly be boycotting it until shit gets addressed, but by the looks of it, they won’t do anything. this is really fucking sad considering ao3 is like the only organized place for fic with filters and everything and ugh. Ugh.

most pressingly for me personally is i don’t know what to do with the rest of nayq. i worked so hard on it, i don’t want to just leave it unfinished?? i had a whole freaking novella to tell. there are still four more chapters left (three?) which is almost an entire month of updates where i’d need to continue using the site. even if i post the rest of the fic tomorrow, that’ll still result in sending people over. if i don’t, that’ll personally drive me insane because my brain literally cannot handle an unfinished project. the only real moral solution would be to delete my account and my fics entirely or remain complicit? but also like, nice dichotomy, idiot, what lies outside of it.

i literally don’t know what to do? how are other writers handling this?? i have dozens of fics all saved from the start of my writing journey in middle school, it’s like a fucking diary of my creative writing development. where else is there to go? i had a meeting with someone who does copyright work for wattpad and they were explaining what they do and monitor so i know i can’t post shit there. fanfiction dot net sucks to use and physically read. tumblr search by tag barely works.

this is all just terribly upsetting and i’m ashamed i wasn’t aware of it earlier or else i wouldn’t have posted anything there (or hell, even written anything that would’ve got me in this dilemma in the first place). maybe i’ll sleep on it and stop word dumping, idk. i really don’t know.

[someonelookingpraediti]

2024 Yearly Round-up ... and an apology

If you're still following this blog, you might have noticed how inactive I've been for the last year. For pretty much the whole of 2024, I've been playing constant catch-up with my blog posts, falling further and further behind. I haven't had any drive to post, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better.

Honestly, I just don't have the same enthusiasm for reading that I used to. I still read a fair amount, I just don't have any passion for it. If you've been reading my (sporadic) monthly wrap-ups, you'll already know this... but I'm sorry to say, k-pop got me! I was losing focus on my reading at the end of 2023, so maybe I was feeling weak, looking for something else to fixate on. But my focus has definitely shifted.

So all I can do is apologise for my inactivity. I've not been updating, and I don't see that changing any time soon. I'm going to do one last yearly roundup, and then I'm putting this blog on indefinite hiatus. I won't delete, and I won't say for sure that I'll never come back, but for now, I won't be posting, and with no plans of returning.

I really enjoyed the three years I spent posting about my reading - I got so many nice messages, and I broadened my horizons through all the recommendations I received. But it's time to call it a day. I've cancelled the last of my book box subscriptions, because I don't get excited receiving them any more. I've stopping hunting down special edition books. I'm not setting any reading goals for 2025, as I don't think I'll stick to them. I'm still going to run my Book Club, because I love the social aspect, but that's about it.

So, without further ado, my final post:

2024 Yearly Round-up

Stats: This year, I read a total of 56 books. 43 of these were new reads, 9 were re-reads, and I DNF-ed 4 books.

Goals: This year, I set six goals to complete each month. I didn't do very well, and to be honest, I kind of gave up on hitting my goals towards the end of the year. 1. Take part in a “social” read (11 / 12 months) 2. Read a current subscription book (01 / 12 months) 3. Read a backlog subscription book (03 / 12 months) 4. Read a free book (02 / 12 months) 5. Annotate a book (02 / 12 months) 6. Read a sequel I’ve been putting off (06 / 12 months)

I had a total of: twenty-five 5★ reads; four 4★ reads (and two 4½★); eight 3★ reads; ten 2★ reads, and five 1★ reads.

I read 9 hardbacks; 18 paperbacks, 26 ebooks, 2 audiobooks, and I tried to struggle through 1 ARC.

My favourite books of the year were: Butter (Yuzuki), These Violent Delights (Nemerever), The Full Moon Coffee Shop (Mochizuki), the Magnus Chase series (Riordan), and The Sunshine Court (Sakavic).

And my the thing I'm most salty about this year is Obsidian Moon Crate taking everyone's money and running. I know I'm never getting that money back now, and that's fine, it's not the end of the world. But it drives me up the wall that there's no way of holding the owner to account. The website has been shut down, and I doubt the email inbox is being monitored any longer. Short of flying to Georgia and banging on her door, there's nothing doing.

The Secret History - Donna Tartt (re-read) ★★★★★

The Little Friend - Donna Tartt ★★★★★

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte (re-read) ★★★★★

Heroes - Stephen Fry ★★★★★

The Bacchae and Other Plays - Euripides ★★★★★

An English Murder - Cyril Hare ★★★☆☆

Grieving Gold - Daniel McDaniel (DNF) ★☆☆☆☆

Castle in the Air - Diana Wynne Jones ★★★★★

An Enchantment of Ravens - Margaret Rogerson ★★★☆☆

The Invocations - Krystal Sutherland ★★★★★

The Salt Grows Heavy - Cassandra Khaw ★★☆☆☆

A Study in Drowning - Ava Reid ★★☆☆☆

The Stolen Heir - Holly Black (re-read) ★★★★★

The Prisoner's Throne - Holly Black ★★★★½

Summer, Fireworks, and My Corpse - Otsuichi ★★★★½

The Lamplighters - Emma Stonex ★★☆☆☆

Lockwood & Co: The Creeping Shadow - Jonathan Stroud ★★★★★

Lockwood & Co: The Empty Grave - Jonathan Stroud ★★★★★

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley (re-read) ★★★★★

House of Many Ways - Diana Wynne Jones ★★★★★

The Sunshine Court - Nora Sakavic ★★★★★

The Sunshine Court - Nora Sakavic (re-read)

My Sister, the Serial Killer - Oyinkan Braithwaite ★★☆☆☆

Butter - Asako Yuzuki ★★★★★

Magnus Chase: The Sword of Summer - Rick Riordan ★★★★★

The Sunshine Court - Nora Sakavic (re-read)

An Arrow to the Moon - Emily X.R. Pan ★★★★☆

The Mary Shelley Club - Goldy Moldavsky ★☆☆☆☆

The Last Man - Mary Shelley ★★☆☆☆

Touching the Void - Joe Simpson ★☆☆☆☆

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde (re-read) ★★★★★

The Witchwood Knot - Olivia Atwater ★★★★★

We Were Liars - E. Lockhart ★★☆☆☆

The Spirit Bares its Teeth - Andrew Joseph White ★★★☆☆

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife - Ashley Winstead ★☆☆☆☆

By the Pricking of My Thumbs - Agatha Christie ★★☆☆☆

In Order to Live - Yeonmi Park ★★★★☆

The Picture of Dorian Gray (1980 version) - Oscar Wilde ★★★☆☆

The Wicker King - K. Ancrum (re-read) ★★★★★

Troy - Stephen Fry (DNF) ★★★★☆

Magnus Chase: The Hammer of Thor - Rick Riordan ★★★★★

Magnus Chase: The Ship of the Dead - Rick Riordan ★★★★★

Blacktop Wasteland - S.A. Crosby ★★☆☆☆

These Violent Delights - Micah Nemerever ★★★★★

Stalking Jack the Ripper - Kerri Maniscalco (DNF) ★☆☆☆☆

The Seventh Bride - T. Kingfisher ★★★☆☆

The Full Moon Coffee Shop - Mai Mochizuki ★★★★★

The Wind-up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami (DNF) ★★☆☆☆

The Whistling - Rebecca Netley ★★★★★

We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson ★★☆☆☆

She - H. Rider Haggard ★★★☆☆

Welcome to the Hyunam-dong Bookshop - Hwang Bo-Reum ★★★☆☆

The Hollow Places - T. Kingfisher ★★★★★

A December to Remember - Jenny Bayliss ★★★★☆

King Solomon's Mines - H. Rider Haggard ★★★☆☆

A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (re-read) ★★★★★

[rearranged-fanfic]

I was literally thinking about you the other day and now there’s an update it must be fate 😩 I joke but I saw the other fandoms your thinking of doing (gonna be totally honest I personally am not a part of any of them but do your thing it’s totally cool) except maybe final fantasy, I haven’t thought or played that for so long though omg I think you’ve just unlocked some hidden memories for me, but now I’m just totally curious what other fandoms your a part of (whether you’d want to write for them or not doesn’t matter lol) because I myself am a part of some small fandoms some very dead fandoms and this is the first in a very long time I’ve seen someone say final fantasy so, yeah basically the gist of this is what are your fandoms I would like to bond please I’m lonely and starved 😔😔

But if you don’t want to reply to this that’s totally cool too I know I’m rambling it’s very late lol

~I’m from out of nowhere you never saw me coming anon

Hello, Anon! This response is very, very late. And that's on me; I'm so, so sorry 😭

I can use this ask to give all of you guys a little info on me, though! I've been asked a few times what I did before AO3/how long I've been writing. And I don't know if I've given an in-depth answer.

If you want to see my list of fandoms, just scroll to after the cut.

I've been extensively involved with fandom ever since I was pretty young. Lol. I got a laptop (with restricted access, of course) when I was about 11 and never looked back. I started writing headcanons on DeviantArt and Quizilla in, like, 2006. But I didn't really know what fanfiction was. So, I was essentially unknowingly making drabbles for years until I discovered fanfiction proper.

I think the first fanfiction I ever read was for Danny Phantom? Or Avatar: The Last Airbender? Something Nickelodeon. Lol.

But I've always been a very, very active member of fandom. I tend to hyper-fixate because of ADHD, and I use fanfiction/fanart as a way to continue exploring whatever my current obsession is, even after I've ravenously consumed all the official media of it. I've done everything from reading and writing to moderating fandom communities on LiveJournal to liaising with artists and managing commissions on DeviantArt.

Though, sadly, most of those old accounts that I used to have are dead. Very dead. Unable to be resurrected.

I started writing officially (as in more than small blurbs) on a little-known platform called Fanfiction.net. A very close family friend, and somebody that I'd grown up with wanted to become co-authors. They did all the idea work, planning, character creation, outlining and posting. I just wrote what they wanted.

This partnership lasted for a few years, but it became kind of tense after a bit. I wanted to do my own thing, and they wanted to stop doing something that they considered childish to take over the family business. We dissolved our partnership and most of the fanfictions that we wrote together were deleted.

They agreed to let me keep using the account for my own works, though.

That account has 3 stories left: a one-shot for Devil May Cry, an unfinished Naruto AU, and an abandoned Resident Evil 2 multi-chapter - all that I wrote completely by myself. But my old partner deleted the email associated with the account. So, I lost access to the whole thing.

Here is the account.

Needless to say, the whole experience killed my love of writing for a few years.

So, I just became a reader. And I did a few other fandom things behind the scenes. But I wasn't as active in participating as I had once been.

Until my husband encouraged me to start posting what I wrote again. As a 27-year-old woman. Lol. And I forgot how much I genuinely enjoyed writing and interacting.

Below is my list of fandoms. I haven't written for all of these, but I've been involved in all of them in some way or another - whether that's hosting an RP server, moderating a community or forum, compiling/commissioning fanart, cosplaying, manning booths at conventions, or simply enjoying them in the comfort of my own home.

This isn't all of them; I'll probably add more when I think of them. Also, in no particular order. Very disorganized. Oops.

Video Games

Left 4 Dead (All) Devil May Cry (4 & 5) Far Cry (4 & 5, Primal) Final Fantasy (7 Remakes, 10, 12, 13 Trilogy, 15, & 16) Fable (2 & 3) Elder Scrolls (3, 4 & 5) Dragon Age (1, 2, & 3) Red Dead Redemption (1 & 2) Love and Deepspace Batman Arkham

Anime, Manga, Donghua, Manhua, Manhwa, Light Novels

Naruto InuYasha Attack on Titan My Hero Academia Jujutsu Kaisen Baccano! Mushi-Shi Apothecary Diaries Heaven Official's Blessing How Dare you! Another Dusk Maiden of Amnesia Tokyo Ghoul Killing Stalking Hellsing Chainsaw Man Solo Leveling Noragami Demon Slayer Fullmetal Alchemist

Western Animation

Avatar (TLA & TLOK) Danny Phantom Code Lyoko Kim Possible Ben 10 Batman (TAS, Movies, & Beyond) Teen Titans Helluva Boss Futurama Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends

Live-Action Shows

Bones Lucifer Supernatural House Medium Phil of the Future Wizards of Waverly Place Penny Dreadful Doctor Who

Movies

🤷🏻‍♀️Can't think of any ATM; No brain power. Oops.

Books

Harry Potter (But seriously fuck JK Rowling; I only buy stuff secondhand and pirate the movies because I'm NOT funding her anti-trans agenda) The Forbidden Game Peter Pan Goosebumps The Chronicles of Narnia The Binding of the Blade Series The Farsala Trilogy Tunnels Septimus Heap Level Thumps Larklight Trilogy Stravaganza Series

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 30, 2008 At last, the house is filled with good smells, both old and new. The package ended up getting damaged the first time around, so Elliot repacked it and shipped it overnight, which probably cost them $50 or so. It was cool to see it zip across the country and be in TN just after 1 AM, then just after 5 AM, it was over in Sacramento!

That would be a fun job if I were single, could keep a schedule and didn’t mind motels…flying FedEx planes all night. No drunks or traffic lights to have to deal with, and no people other than whoever was in the jump seat.

It finally rained again!

A couple of OLSers were applauding my bashing Brent, the owner of OLS, for how they’ve been operating things. People are still complaining like crazy about all the comment and blog sweeps, asking that they be put in their own category, reminding them that they’re the paying members, but does he care, no of course not! So in response to yet another thread that started bitching about it, I said hey, the guy obviously doesn’t care. Maybe if enough of us stop buying premium memberships and his money starts to dwindle, then he’ll care. For now, all we’re going to get are bogus promises of “improvement.” Yet since I’ve been a member, nothing has changed but the comment/blog trend.

One of the OLSers PM’d me to say she not only agreed with me but that she was surprised I didn’t get banned (she’s been banned 3 times for things she’s said). Obviously, I’m not the kind to worry what others think or do or else I wouldn’t have an online journal!

It really does suck, though. Not just the comment/blogs, but the “do this, do that” bullshit that seems to be getting worse. Recipes, trivia, videos, photos, essays – we can’t simply fill and submit the forms that much anymore! They continue to rudely delete a lot of my posts that have everything to do with the sweeps and aren’t the least bit rude in any way, they rarely ever answer my questions, and I’ve basically gotten nothing but rudeness the entire time I’ve been a member. I only put up with it because of how much I’ve won. But my wins have been down lately, and if Tom’s wrong about them picking up when the economy improves, I definitely won’t renew my membership, even though the premium sweeps are where most of the good ones are.

I’m getting fed up with Kiwi again. First they say they’ll send me a temporary tattoo and a full sticker sheet with points from my old account and all I get is the tattoo. I still haven’t received the CD I put in for on the 20th from this account, and now they’re ripping me off of points!!!!!! For two days now I haven’t gotten points for the slots and memory games I always play. What is wrong with these people??????

There’s probably more I could update on, but I’ve got enough other things to do, so I’m going to call this an entry!

Later…

It rained in the evening last night for the third time since we’ve been in Auburn. Then after he got in before midnight it came down hard and has been doing that off and on ever since. It was so nice just lying in the darkness listening to the sound of the rain falling.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 2008 According to Lisa, yes, she did at least get the chance to mention our names to my mom, so yes, it is something personal, though I haven’t a clue as to what it could possibly be and I’m not sure I even care anymore. I’m still not sure why they bothered saving us if they knew they didn’t want anything to do with us, but I’m glad we’re making sure that we don’t ever need saving again because they’re the last ones I’d turn to. No hard feelings, though, as strange as the whole thing is. They have a right not to want to associate with me just like I have a right not to associate with whomever I choose not to associate with. It’s better to ignore each other than not to do so and do nothing but fight.

I apologized to Lisa for my mother’s rudeness, and have kept in mind that these are people that caused me all kinds of pain and misery. I would never have a friend or a lover like that, so why should I allow anyone else to treat me the way they have just because they’re blood?

And of course I’m sure it’s all my mother’s doing and that dad is simply going along with her even if he disagrees with her. He never did have a backbone of his own. I tell you, she could’ve killed one of us as kids and he’d still follow her like a faithful puppy, always quick to obey, agree and defend the all-mighty Dureen.

I can’t help but wonder where someone like Charlotte stands as far as this shit’s concerned. I mean, surely my mom has told her she refused a prize we tried to transfer to them without even finding out what it was. Did Char tell her she should’ve at least found out what it was? Call her mean, rude and ungrateful? Or is she patting her on the back and saying, “Good move, Doe.”

My guess would be that she’s going along with her. You kind of have to if you want to be a friend of Doe’s.

How wrong Tom was when he said it was probably important to them to have me back in their lives because of how old they are now. Well, like I said, it really is all for the better. They just better hope that if Larry hasn’t dumped them again, Tammy hasn’t either, because I won’t be there for them in the end. I doubt Tammy would ever dump them, though. She likes having abusive people in her life.

So it was a waste of time editing the few entries that I edited on MD because they’re not going there and neither is Tammy. If they didn’t want to hear about their prize, then why would they want to read my letter? So I’ll get on with my life, uncensored and uncaring as far as what I write. As I always did say, don’t like it? Don’t read it!

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2008 I got a message from Lisa this morning saying that she got a hold of my mother, but before she could explain what I won and that there was no cost, she said she wasn’t interested and hung up. I replied explaining that my mother is old and not as sharp-minded, and might have even thought she was a sales call if she didn’t get the chance to mention our names. I thanked her for trying anyway. It’s their loss! Meanwhile, she still has yet to talk to Jessie, but as I told Lisa, Jessie works full-time and has a 6-year-old, so she doesn’t have much of a life or free time.

Of course there are other possibilities where my folks are concerned. Yes, my mother’s probably losing it and maybe even my dad is, too. They’re right around the age when the 3 grandparents I knew lost it. I don’t think anyone in my family has ever made it to the 80s, and they’re 76 and 77 right now. I still feel that they will, but no one can know for sure. Either way, I thought she sounded a little out of it at times last year, asking how to spell our last name, who I was with, etc. She was her usual stern-sounding self, but just the way she talked and some of the things she said made me wonder.

Most would probably say I was being too hard on myself, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking this personally, but being the curious type, I’ve wondered why they stopped writing. I’m just the kind that likes to analyze things. My parents, especially my mother, can be rather fragile and sensitive. Meaning that they get nervous and or uncomfortable easily, and tend to take things the wrong way. So I thought of the few letters I’ve sent over the last year, and I can’t think of anything I said wrong. The only thing that might’ve set them off is our difference in opinion regarding other family members, both dead and alive, or maybe the psychic talk freaked them out. That always did seem to be a little spooky for them which tells me they may not be as much of a non-believer as they like to let on. Hey, if I thought someone may be able to make me ill or bring me bad luck simply because they got upset with me, I’d be hesitant to associate with them too, whether they could help themselves or not (I posted the letters on MD).

Some have suggested they only saved us last year simply because they felt obligated to. Well, thinking back to the time we spoke on the phone, Dad did seem concerned, he did say he loved me, but not once, not even in the card my mom sent, did she say she loved me. And when we spoke she seemed burdened and annoyed more than genuinely concerned for Tom and me. Maybe all those who insisted over the years that they never truly loved me and that they even hate kids and simply had them for appearance’s sake, have a point. After all, what kind of mother pawns her kid off on camps, hospitals, relatives, and schools, and goes and uninvites them to family gatherings so they could have a “quieter evening?” Not one who isn’t in a hurry to have the house to herself and her friends (my siblings were long gone by the time I was in my teens) or who could accept their child as they were, unique or not, different from them or not.

Some may also say they’re simply giving me a taste of my own medicine for dumping them like I did in ’99, but Larry dumped them for a decade too, yet they welcomed him back with open arms. I don’t know if they’re still in touch, or even if they’re in touch with Tammy, but they want the money they play down, so they probably are. Oh, they might’ve lost a good amount to medical expenses, but no one gives someone $450 on the spot that has any real financial problems. Then again, what I’d consider comfortable probably isn’t much to them. These are people who are used to being loaded and living high off the hog. They weren’t ever millionaires, but they were still way upper class.

So I did something today that a part of me regrets doing. I sent them a letter before Lisa told me she spoke to Mom. Or tried to anyway. I gave them the link to MD, as anyone who reads their letters will see, and asked that they pass it along to the drama queen. I even have an entry just for her, explaining why I could never forgive her. But now I don’t even know if they’ll read it or visit the site if they do. Makes me sorry I “desexed” my stories, hoping they might enjoy some of them. I’ll remember not to bother when the one I’m working on is done. After all, it’s my journal and they don’t have to read anything they don’t want to, and I told them that, too.

I updated them on what was going on with Tom and me, told them about getting books published, and enclosed a couple of pictures, and that’s pretty much it. There really wasn’t much else to say.

For whatever reason, be it real or imagined, they’ve decided they don’t want me in their lives, and I never liked them as people anyway, so we’re done with each other. They’ll never hear from me again and I doubt I’ll ever hear from them again or anyone they know, not that they know where to contact me. Yeah, I didn’t put a return address on the letter. As I explained to them, I chose not to so they wouldn’t feel obligated to reply, and so they wouldn’t think I was out for birthday money with my birthday being just over a month away.

Yup, things would’ve been a lot different had they been divorced or I’d been an only child!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 27, 2008 It’s hard to believe that exactly 21 years ago today I bought my very first journal with someone as selfish and as stuck-up as Jenny C was and probably still is today. I may have had no taste in friends, but I sure started a fun hobby that day!

Jessie emailed me all excited about the MedSpa transfer. She got Lisa’s message and will call her back tomorrow. Hope she can use it and my folks too, now that Lisa has the right number. She said the number I gave her wasn’t theirs, and for a minute I thought they changed the number because of me, thinking that was a rather extreme move of them, not that I’ve called them or would ever bother to if they asked me not to. Then I saw that the number was wrong. I knew nothing happened to them or else someone would’ve told me. So Lisa’s going to call them tomorrow.

Jessie asked if I remembered Lisa C from school, saying that her sister gave Lisa her number. Actually, I do. A blond girl. I’d forgotten about her till she mentioned the name, though.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26, 2008 Fortunately, gas prices have dropped and this will help us save even faster. I just hope it lasts more than 5 minutes!

After thinking about it, I don’t see how gay marriage won’t end up being banned in this state, as wrong as it will be. It only took about 9 people to give them the rights they deserve, yet millions are going to be voting. Sadly, most people still hate gays, especially older people. Therefore, I don’t see how it could possibly pass, though I hope I’m wrong. If I’m not, it almost seems cruel of the Supreme Court to give them their rights just so they can be stripped of them a few months later. Then again, some may say that a few months of equality is better than none.

I’m up 1.4 pounds. That’s what I get for living it up on Chinese and Jelly Bellies over the weekend, but sometimes you just gotta take a break and have fun! I’ll get it off in a day or two.

I just finished running and Tom finally got the bugged cookie off my computer that was causing FF not to remember me at various sites.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25, 2008 We went and got some Chinese take-out for me at the grocery store that has that. It’s gotten way too expensive now that they’ve started charging by weight. It was bad enough before, but as great as most of it is (when the rice isn’t undercooked and the meat’s not dried out), it’s not worth it.

Amber, one of my top annoyances on Kiwi was warned not to contact me “since she clearly cannot be civilized,” according to Susan. So many people have complained against her I wonder if she may’ve even been banned, not that she won’t come back with a different s/n.

Anyway, I still like Kiwi, but I sure get sick of the immature bullshit that goes on there. Again the post boards, which they ought to call the bicker boards, are such a drag. All they want to do is tear into each other when they disagree! And now that they’re sick of picking on me, they’re picking on some other girl they suspect has multiple s/n’s, and of course they wonder if it’s me. rolls eyes What losers! If it weren’t for the prizes and the fun creativity of making colorful journal entries, I wouldn’t even bother.

Speaking of prizes, I decided that rather than go for either just lotion or just CDs, I’ll go for both. I’m going to rotate back and forth between the two. I just put in for a CD, so now I’ll go for their wonderful lotion. It worked so well and it smelled so good!

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24, 2008 Today I awoke at 137.6 pounds! I still look terrible but feel a lot better. It’s getting easier to get around.

I gave some gay-bashing bigots a piece of my mind at their site who are bullying businesses that support equality in Cali, and claiming they want to “restore” marriage. But straights never lost the right to marry in the first place just because gays gained the right to do so! So what’s to restore??? These people aren’t just mean and hateful, they’re insane!

That SleekMedSpa rep, Lisa, emailed me about not responding to the prize, and as I told her, I didn’t realize there were no transportation or hotel accommodations when I entered (their spas are in NY, Massachusetts & Florida). So Lisa replied saying the prize was transferable and they could accommodate up to 3 friends or family members. I gave her my folks and Jessie’s numbers, though I think she got off work before she could call Jessie. She did call my folks, she later said in another email but got their machine. They probably didn’t get a chance to talk today either, and if they’re interested, they’re going to have to wait till Monday.

I’m sure their health will depend on it, but I hope they’re interested and could use it. Despite any nasty things they’ve done in the past, it’d be nice to give them this in return for saving us last year, even though they were nice enough to tell us not to bother to pay them back.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23, 2008 I almost nailed the 10-pound marker today! If I’d gotten up an hour or two later I might have, but I missed it by a 10th of a pound and woke up at 138.0 instead. Oh well, maybe tomorrow.

By the time I got up at 10:00, it was too hot to run outside, so I ran 6 songs in here. It’s going to be even hotter tomorrow, so I’ll be running indoors again. I can’t run as many songs outdoors because I run too fast. It’s hard not to with all that open space.

My incense has finally been shipped. I’m looking forward to it! They had labeling issues and so they’re giving me free shipping which they’ve upgraded. I’ll receive it on Tuesday.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 22, 2008 So we get this message yesterday on the cell from a woman having some “exciting news” for me, and to call this 800 number as I’ve been selected as one of the winners for mumbles something inaudible spa.

It turns out that all it is is up to 3K in one of their medical spas in either New York or Florida for some nasty-sounding treatments like laser hair removal, microdermabrasion, vein treatment, photo facial and/or chemical peel. The laser hair removal may be nice to have done, but they don’t provide any air or hotel accommodations, not that it’d be that nice to have if they did. So it’s a biggie that isn’t a biggie. I knew that before the year was out I’d hit a big one. I just didn’t think it’d be this! Why did I even bother to enter? I guess that when you make so many entries a day you tend to miss stuff like this.

It does seem quite a coincidence, though, that as soon as I realize my wins may be down because the Lucky Bamboo plants are too far away from my PC, I hit a biggie, even though it’s a biggie that never was

Amber’s already starting her shit with me again on Kiwi, even with this account. She even passworded her journal so she could openly bash me to the select few she gives the PW to. That’s okay cuz this time Mike has told me it’s only fair that he make this right, don’t sweat it, etc. Whatever. All I know is that I’m not hiding this time!

Oh, what she did was after I mentioned being a suspense writer in one of the post boards talking about writing, she replied to that with, “You’re a smut writer, not a suspense.” And so I thought both Mike and Susan would want to know about it. He pulled her post and probably emailed her a little reprimand. I can’t believe she’s still subbied to my journal! I must be rather interesting to both her and Emma.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2008 Here we go with the engine-gunning. Yeah, he gave it to me yesterday, as I figured he would. The question is, is he going to sic it on me in spurts for the next two hours, or will it be a one-time thing like yesterday? I don’t think I want to find out, and once is annoying enough, so I’ll throw the tunes on.

I just used up the last of my iTunes credit. I want to eventually buy any songs I have that are of poor quality that are available on iTunes.

I called Paula yesterday from the landline, got her machine and told her to send me a letter as to why she can’t get online and hopefully I could send her back some helpful advice, then she called back, unsure of who the number belonged to. But then when she was in the middle of begging for a CD, we got cut off. So I’m sending her a letter explaining that the cell doesn’t work well here cuz of the metal trim on the trailer, and the landline is either full of static or disconnecting calls, so she’ll either have to get online or send letters. I’m sick of her stupidity and calling only when she wants something! So if the phone rings today, I’m not answering it.

Later…

The engine-gunner just left on the motorcycle. Ah, but let me guess… it’ll be right back in just a matter of minutes!

Other than his racket, it’s a gorgeous day out there. A little chilly at night, but today we’ve got a beautiful cross-breeze going throughout the place. We shouldn’t need the cooler at all today so long as I don’t use the oven while it’s light.

I want to work on my story but am not sure where to go with it next. I’ve got the rest of it all mapped out in my mind, I’m just not sure of the best way to go about it.

Later…

It turned out to be warm enough to need the cooler today after all. Tomorrow it’s to be in the 80s!

I put about 15 dolls away that aren’t my favorites to make dusting easier on me. So now I only have about 80 of the damn dust collectors set up that I kind of wish I never began collecting in the first place!

Candy was getting to be a fun rat. Not like Tinkerbell, of course, or even Blondie or Little Buddy, but fun enough. However, I now can’t let him out anymore the same as Brownie, but for different reasons. He chews like no other rat we’ve ever had before! It’s insane. He chewed the cord to the portable heater, but hopefully Tom can fix it. Both these rats suck after all. One’s terrified and won’t usually go home on his own after being let out, and the other is destructive. I’ve been so totally cursed in the rat department since losing Tink. I want my Tink back!

MONDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2008 Just when I thought maybe somebody did something to keep those dogs at bay, two of them went traipsing by yesterday afternoon, and Tom saw them, too. They passed the kitchen window, walked down to the end of the clearing, then started barking their way down into the ditch very slowly. By the time Tom got down there, they were gone. I wish we had a gun! If dogs didn’t bark I wouldn’t give a shit any more than I do with cats roaming around our place, but these creatures that I wish never existed are too noisy to simply sit back and welcome along.

Tom is still working on the horses and is still sure he’ll get them to pay off enough to buy us a house but doesn’t know exactly when. He doesn’t think we’ll be here for more than a few years. I’m not sure what to think. I mean, we have to win our way out of here, or else we’ll be here forever as long as there are no problems with Jesse and we don’t go broke for some reason. This wouldn’t be the worst place to be stuck in, but I kind of miss not having to move my desk chair just to enter my closet. I miss being able to walk up to a full-size washer that’s always hooked up. I miss being able to walk up to a microwave that faces forward without having to reach into a corner to clean it.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2008 When I was out hanging laundry a little after 10:00, someone drove up to Jesse’s place. I heard voices, barking and car doors. Nothing I could really hear much of indoors. When we were coming in yesterday the dogs were loose up by his place and barking at us. No wonder they’re always wandering off! This explains why the barking is sometimes louder than others; cuz they’re obviously able to circle the house.

Just a few minutes ago I heard the ATV buzzing about. I hope he doesn’t get obnoxious with the fucking engine-gunning! But he didn’t yesterday, and if he doesn’t today, then he’ll definitely be at it tomorrow. He can’t seem to go more than a few days without annoying us, but at least he’s not coming down here as often. Even when I’m wide awake and not busy, I’ve always hated people popping in on me uninvited and unexpected. It’s kind of rude, you know?

Jessie sent a message yesterday saying that now that she’s past the 3-month marker at work, things are a little less stressful. I still think something else is going on, though. Yes, having kids equals no life, but it wouldn’t surprise me if dear ole hubby was being a problem of some sort.

She also said she had her first mammogram and wondered who the hell designed the machine, saying it was probably a man.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2008 It’s been a while since we treated ourselves, so we went out today. We didn’t get much, but we had fun.

First we went to KFC, then to Goodwill. This Goodwill is pretty overpriced, but we got a few things anyway. I got a halter top and matching jacket with colorful square sequins that are really shiny. The jacket is trimmed with purple feathers. The halter actually looks better on me than the Ashley mannequin it’s now on because I have the tits for it. But I couldn’t stand to wear it because the sequins scratch me and so it’s horribly uncomfortable. It looks nice enough on Ashley, though I wish I had a matching skirt to go with it. Instead, she’s in a black wrap skirt.

I also got a bag of overpriced peach incense. It’s been just over two weeks since placing the incense order. I really hope they get it out to me soon!

Tom got a cable for the TV for better reception.

Next we stopped at the pet store that’s sort of in one of the stories I’m working on. We were last there in early May. It’s where we got the female rats I ended up dumping. I’ve also got a character in it based on the girl (who I thought was a guy at first) who waited on us the first time we were there. She was a definite lesbian who was plain-looking but kind of cute at the same time. Anyway, I didn’t see her there, but I saw another chick that was there last May.

Their prices were also pumped up, though we ended up getting a free bag of bedding with a coupon we had, some alfalfa hay, and a wooden burrow. They wanted $30 for some of the burrows and rat wheels which is just totally ridiculous! They also have a points program, so we have a card for that store now, although I doubt we’ll be back anytime soon.

KFC had this cool pinball game and when you lose the ball, which is a small super ball, you get to keep it. Well, I was bouncing it around for Candy and he loved it so much that I ended up giving it to him. He was so funny, trying to grab it from me and run off with it. He wanted it cuz it made a good chew toy, of course.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2008 Well, this sure beats Jesse rudely coming down here without calling us first every week or two, but I’m getting awfully sick of the engine-gunning sprees. I don’t know if he’s working on a vehicle or it’s the bulldozer, but it sure gets old to have to listen to. We can’t even go a week without him pulling this shit!

Whatever he said to the renters worked, though, cuz I haven’t seen or heard their dogs in a while now.

Anyway, he’s going to get noisy any minute now, more than likely, so I’ve got the radio cranked up even though I’d prefer to write without music. Maybe I’ll switch to the sound machine.

He’s definitely not working, so there’s either no work available cuz of the economy, or he just wants us to think he’s working. Fat chance with all the racket he makes!

I finally got them to redeem my points for me at my old account. I’m getting a temporary tattoo and a sheet of stickers since all I had over there was a little over 3000 points. Soon I’ll have enough to redeem for a CD at the account I’ve been using.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2008 I’m still recovering from the 2300-calorie binge I went on over the weekend, slowly working my calories back down to the 1200 range or lower. It’s been tough. I should’ve known better than to get that carried away. I had a few brownies and tons of chips in every variety imaginable! I’m up nearly two pounds.

Tom started a diet because he’s pushing 250 pounds.

I’ve now built up enough stamina to run several songs, but I usually just do 4.

Paula left a message saying she couldn’t get online. Now why doesn’t that surprise me? sighs I’ll call her when my schedule rolls around a little further and see if I can find out why, although Tom would probably be able to help her more than I could. I don’t see what the big deal is, though. She was online when we were in Maricopa.

Got a letter from Mary saying she should know something about her case by the end of this month. Today’s her 31st birthday, too. She agrees that staying at her aunt’s may not be the best place for her, but neither is jail. Her aunt’s going to throw her a huge barbecue party when she gets there. Tom laughed when I said I was glad we won’t be her neighbors! I HATED it when the fucking freeloaders would party just a few feet beyond our walls!

Tom overheard people talking about a particular site at work that he thought I might be interested in, and when he checked it out and told me about it, I said, “Wow, Mary’s going to want to know about this one!” It’s lulu.com and they publish people’s works. But the good thing is that no one has to approve and accept your manuscript like at PD Publishing. It can cost anywhere from about a grand to several grand depending on how many copies you have made, in hardcover, softcover, etc. It gets better. They’ll even edit your book and you don’t have to worry about not having a full-length story like PD wanted, and they’ll help you obtain and ISBN (barcode) and get your book into stores! I’ve got a few stories I’m working on now. Maybe those or some future story I haven’t even started yet will be the one I’ll get published! This is obviously not something we’d do while money’s tight, but it’s nice to know a site like this is out there in case I ever get serious enough about my writing in the future!

You know, the thought of surprising my folks with a published paperback of mine sure is a hell of a lot funnier than surprising them with a postcard from some other country!

It’s been warmer again in the 80s and it should stay that way for the next few days. Last night was nice because we didn’t need the main heater. I just ran the little portable one in here a bit and that was it. I didn’t even need my robe.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 12, 2008 SOS has this points program now. That’s Kepa’s wholesale site. You get points for buying stuff and 15¢ for reviews. They last a year and there isn’t any minimum requirement to make a purchase, so maybe in a year or so, I can grab some oils.

My period ended up being a week late, but I finally got it.

The weather’s to warm up over the next 4 days and be in the high 70s to low 80s, which is just fine with me. I’m glad I got this robe as it really helps keep me warm on those chilly nights, but I hate being bundled up like this. I miss the airy freedom of summer clothes. It’s hard to do stuff all wrapped up like this.

Yesterday morning at 8:00 sharp Jesse began his engine-gunning routine and after 15 minutes of that, I had to throw the sound machine on just to concentrate on my writing. The renter’s dogs, however, have been much quieter for the last couple of nights. Maybe he did talk to them after all.

Someone fired shots after dark, but as Tom and I both could tell, it wasn’t the renters. This was at least a mile away. Usually, when you shoot at night you’re shooting at something trying to get at either your livestock or your pets. Hope they shot those dogs!

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2008 Today I awoke at 138.6 pounds, and Connecticut is the 3rd state to legalize gay marriage! I would’ve guessed it’d be New York with all the people there. The crazies out there could ban California gay marriages next month, but Connecticut and Massachusetts should be safe from the issue ever being on the ballot again. Once again, I don’t see why things should be one way or the other. We don’t force straights to marry, so why should we force gays not to marry?

We got down to 39º last night – ugh! I don’t know if we’ll ever buy a house again, but if we do it won’t be in NorCal!

We had a hell of a time trying to light the heater last night, but fortunately, I had the portable heater in the bedroom. It got down to 55º in the living room, but Tom said he was fine under the blanket. This morning, though, he brought it up 10º in 15 minutes with the oven on 350º, then he managed to get the pilot lit on the heater.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 9, 2008 It hit me that the reason my wins may be down is that the bamboo plants have been sitting on the counter between the kitchen and living room. That’s quite a ways away from my computer! I wasn’t sure anymore if they were really all that magical since we were nearly killed a year ago. I asked Tom if he still believed in their power and he said yes. So, knowing it couldn’t hurt, I left two on his desk and took the other two in here. The biggest one is now 30” tall! Let’s hope they turn on the wins!

Today and yesterday I woke up at 139.2 pounds. Yup, swapping those 100-calorie coffees for 10-calorie coffees really helps, even if the coffee’s not as good since it’s the creamer that makes the coffee. I also dropped the snacks that were around 100 calories and traded them in for 25-60 calorie snacks.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2008 Sometimes I’ve heard barks and thought it sounded like it was right outside. Well, it looks like that might’ve really been the case. I was in the kitchen when I heard barks that sounded too close for comfort, looked out the window, and saw all 3 of the renter’s dogs (yeah, Jesse last said there were 3 of them). I shouted them away, though it took a couple of minutes before they headed back into the ditch. I didn’t want to charge them and risk getting attacked. They’re huge dogs, all the same light brown color and breed. I didn’t think loose dogs would be a problem here cuz of the ditch, but once I saw those deer manage it, why not dogs, too? I wish we had a gun! I could’ve taken all 3 of them out. I wish someone would. Maybe that’d teach people not to let their dogs run loose!

So I contemplated calling up to Jesse but was hesitant to bother him. Then said why not? He bothers us. So I let him know, surprised he didn’t hear me screaming at them. I asked if he knew their landlord’s number so I could call and ask that they be asked to pen or tie them up. He now claims he doesn’t know if they really are just renters. Well, they sure act like renters! He suggested I call the pound and that they’d talk to them, but as I pointed out, the dogs would be gone by the time they arrived, plus I don’t know their address. So he said he’d get it and talk to them. Last time we talked he did say he was going to “have to talk to them again about the dogs” anyway.

So now I’ll have to watch my back when I’m out running like I did in Maricopa.

Tom ran the old 50’ blue wire to my Mac because it kept falling offline. We have no idea why, though, since he never gets knocked off and neither does the laptop, but nonetheless, that’s one less problem I now have to deal with.

I won a $10 iTunes GC, which is nice for a small prize.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2008 I viewed the front of Stacey’s house on Google Earth and am almost sorry I did. I feel almost as hurt and as jealous as I am wowed by it. It’s a fucking gorgeous house! Totally my dream house. It had a really cool odd shape and split levels. It wasn’t a square or a rectangle. It was probably 2000 square feet or more. Most of the houses there are nice, and while I’m sure car stereos and barking dogs are a problem there, it’s just so not fair! What, was I not a big enough bitch (she was so like my mother was) to deserve to be in such a nice place for so long and without the money problems attached to it? Ok, so maybe it was a different Stacey, but I doubt it.

As beautiful and as peaceful as this place is despite the fact that there aren’t any of my favorite trees or flowers visible from this place, I have to once again question “God’s will.” Why has she been meant to live in such luxury while we’ve mostly been meant to live in dumps? They’ve obviously been quite successful and I’d be willing to bet they have absolutely zero concept of what it’s like to struggle. But why? What makes them so much more deserving than Tom and I? Why can they drive? Why can they have a normal sex life? Why can they sleep with their loved ones? Why could they have kids when they wanted them? Why can they have money and security? Why can they keep a schedule?

I used to tell myself that I was blessed, but I don’t know about that anymore. Sure, I’ve got some blessings and that’s great, but am I really truly more blessed than usual? I’ve got Tom, I’ve got my share of talents and skills, but I don’t think I’m really any more blessed on a general basis. If anything, I think I’m more cursed than usual when you add up all the problems I’ve had, be it because of other people, my own stupidity, or seemingly just because.

Having a sleep disorder that keeps you from keeping a schedule is a HUGE curse from God right there! It’s better than being blind or paralyzed, but it’s bad enough. That’s got to be runner-up to the shit my family put me through. Again, I have to question what kind of a friend He really is to me, though I am still praying. What kind of God would do this to someone? I could’ve saved our house and kept us from struggling as badly as we have if I could’ve gotten out there and worked, too. Sure, I’d probably only have made minimum wage over the years and I’d have no doubt gotten fired from one job after another cuz I don’t get along with people (or better yet, they don’t get along with me), but it would’ve prevented a whole lot of nightmares. Being able to keep a schedule even if I never worked outside of the house would still make life tremendously easier. Jesse wouldn’t seem as much of a pest, and I wouldn’t get woken up as much. I’ve been sleeping better since I started using both the sound machine and an off-dialed radio station on the stereo to create white noise, but to say it would’ve helped tremendously when we were in the city and motels is an understatement!

So while I still feel more hurt than angry that God would allow me this schedule problem as if I hadn’t had enough problems already in life, and while it’ll never be “ok” or acceptable in any way, every burden really does have its blessing. Sleep disorder or not, lost money or not, I’m glad I don’t have to work outside the house with some of the world’s fuck-ups. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you just how many incompetent, rude assholes there are in this world. Every job’s got its fair share of them, that’s for sure! I also appreciate having more time here for cleaning, sweeping and other things.

I just hope God will one day compensate for our hardships and the lack of disability money I should be receiving with a new home, even if it’s not that nice.

I suppose some may say I shouldn’t have this “poor me” attitude, keep in mind that some have it worse, and quit feeling sorry for myself, but I can’t help how I feel at times. Besides, there are no right or wrong emotions, and hey, I just get tired of seeing some of the most non-deserving people get it all, even though we had plenty of reasons to want out of that house in Maricopa!

I’m still enjoying the ease of my shorter hair, but starting to miss my long hair. Ah, but that’s one area I am blessed in; having hair that grows fast!

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 5, 2008 I swear I counted out 28 days perfectly, so yup, my periods are coming later lately. I can’t be too close to it because I usually have scattered spotting about 5 days in advance and I ain’t had nothing yet. At least this way I’ll get fewer per year.

Finally, a jury dared convict murderer OJ Simpson! It was for kidnapping and robbery, and I’m sure the sicko will weasel his way out of jail in no time at all, but it’s about time a jury had the guts to convict a rich, famous and black. Of course, this was in Nevada and not California, so that must’ve had something to do with it. California lets its murdering and child-molesting black cock walk for fear of their fellow blacks rioting and being the spoiled little assholes they love to be, but obviously Nevada does the right thing as opposed to worrying about what childish and immature little shit fits some people may take in the end.

Yesterday is the would-be anniversary of our deaths. Yeah, the 11-day nightmare began a year ago yesterday. Who’d have ever thought I’d be fighting so hard to save the life I tried to destroy so many years ago?

Later…

The weather was nicer today. We could open the windows and run the cooler. Late in the afternoon, I heard some chick in back (probably our lovely renters) yell out, “Josephine! Margaret!”

I went out jogging today and was pissed to have to stop after just two songs because my hip hurt. I just don’t get why my hip can’t take running at times or a long walk. I’m not old yet!

I did something I didn’t think I’d do. I guess I wasn’t kidding when I said I was a spontaneous person. I thought it’d be funny to send Dave, Miss Perfect’s husband, the link to my journals at MD, so I did, along with a Webshots postcard to see if I was remembering the email addy correctly. Well, it went through because it wasn’t returned to me. He hasn’t picked it up, though, which could be because he hasn’t checked his mail, it got caught in his spam filter, or most likely, he’s ignoring it. Miss Perfect never picked up the one I sent her a year ago either. If it is a case of spam filters kicking it out, though, then they probably didn’t get the journal link either. I wonder if they’d ignore that too, if they did get it. I can see ignoring the postcard, especially if I thought it would alert the sender as to when it was picked up, but I would think I’d be curious about the journal link. On the other hand, Tom says you don’t have to go online to read the message on the card.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 4, 2008 I went out jogging and the weather was so gorgeous. Perfect for jogging. The breeze was wonderful and the air smelled so fresh and clean after the long-awaited rain.

Tom showed me this really cool thing called Google Earth that takes you right smack in front of a particular building or house if you know the address. Not all places have these kinds of cameras. Oregon didn’t have it and neither did Maricopa. We could see our old house in Phoenix, though, and OMG! They really wrapped the place up in plants galore! They have oleanders, palms and more surrounding every side of the place. I wish we had that much shade and privacy when we were stuck there. Having the front bedecked with plants will really help cut down the summer’s electric bills. It must’ve cost a fortune to plant all those plants, though. If I had that kind of money I’d rather just get a better place. Wish I could’ve seen the inside. I’ll bet they recarpeted and redid the floors and other things. We thought the freeloader house was sold to an individual because the front looked spruced up and there were no vehicles in the driveway, but then we saw the back looked rather dumpy, so who knows?

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2008 At last, the rain has come. It was kind enough to hold off until after Jesse got the roof done (he came down just as I was getting up), but the idiot ran out of screws, so he has to come back some other day. He was going to return later in the afternoon after picking his boy up (I’m still not sure if he lives here or not), but that’s when it started raining. Somehow I doubt he’ll get it finished tomorrow, even if it’s sunny. This is not only someone who doesn’t finish what he starts very well but also seems to like to space his visits out.

It rained a soft, gentle rain that was steady for a few hours. It never got over 79º in here, so tonight we’ll need the heat for sure. Or when we get up. I shouldn’t be up too late tonight, so I shouldn’t need it tonight. It’ll be back in the 80s in a few days – yes!

Got my new robe today. It’s way nicer than the other one. It’s softer, better quality and longer, too.

The doll cases weren’t the hard plastic I thought they’d be, but are still very nice. I like how the stand is removable. I want to eventually have all dolls with outfits that can’t or shouldn’t be washed in cases.

So the Candy Striper has decided I’m okay. Not as ok as other past favorite rats have thought I was, but ok enough. The other one still won’t allow himself to be handled. At least he’s going home on his own now. This is because I let him out more often, so it’s not as special to him.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 2, 2008 Well, I’ve got surprising and funny news today! Paula left a message yesterday! She sounded rather chipper but didn’t give a reason as to why she hasn’t contacted me in so long. She did say, though, that she got the package and that one of the smaller dolls broke. She also said that Justin set up an email account for her on a laptop and asked for my email, which is strange considering that I wrote it on the inside flap of the package. Out of it or not, sometimes I think she just likes to make me wonder about her!

So I called the number she left, was told to unblock the caller ID, then left a message. Only I’m not sure I got the right number cuz the person didn’t quite sound right. We’ll see, though. I told her I wasn’t going to call back and gave my email addy to her, saying I had so much to tell and ask her.

She asked about picking up a cheap friendship necklace cuz she doesn’t have much in the way of jewelry. Yeah, that’s Paula for you! I have a different necklace I never wear. I’ll send it next time I send incense, which she says she loved along with the other dolls and necklace, though she doesn’t wear the necklace cuz she’s paranoid. Yup, that’s definitely Paula for you. I’m ordering incense tonight, and was thinking how sad it was I’d no longer have anyone to pass the ones that I didn’t like onto until she called.

Typical dumb cock Jesse, who can’t listen and doesn’t get it when I ask to be called first for non-emergencies. Fortunately, I was up, though. Yeah, it came down at 5:00. Of course he had to have the dogs with him, too. The puppy’s full-grown now. It’s going to get cooler and rain (finally!) and he wanted to know when he could finish the roof which he said should take a couple of days. At least he was concerned about not bothering us too early. I told him Tom’s usually up by 10:00 and not to worry about my schedule because it’s got to be done. I’ve been getting up close to noon lately.

He obviously does have an older boy because he was chainsawing something while we talked, and I doubt even he, as dumb as he is, would let a 10-year-old use it.

He heard the shots too, and has seen the renter’s dogs which are huge and have an incredibly loud bark, and he fired his BB gun at them. He said he’s thinking of talking to them again, but I know it won’t do him any good. They’re going to let the damn things run loose 24/7, and they’re going to be here for however long we are. He says he’s not sure if it was them shooting or not because it’s “deer season.” I thought deer were active here year-round. Either way, the shots did seem softer than usual, so who knows? Besides, he said the cops were already out to talk to them once. Renters aren’t ones to be reasoned with, though, so it probably was them.

I mentioned hearing engine gunning “somewhere around here” to see if he’d say it was him or not. All he said was that they had a dirt bike.

Oh, and he’s been running up and down the driveway trying to get back into shape for going back to work. The doctor put him out longer cuz of his finger, and soon he’s got to have eye surgery for a cataract.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to the rain, but not the cooler weather. We’re definitely going to need heat Saturday night.

Firefox (or Firefuck as I sometimes call it) is colorblind. Colors don’t appear as they should with FF, but they do in other browsers.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 1, 2008 Today’s the day. Woke up at 139.6 pounds!

We decided not to bother calling Jesse, whose motorcycle I was pleased to only hear once so far today, and simply leave the rent in his box. It’s not like people are driving by it.

Of course Tom doesn’t feel like it, but I feel like he’s working more for Jesse than for us. He gives more than half his pay to the guy!

Tom finished setting up XP on the laptop. I have my old sound recorder, but can’t seem to figure out how to open the damn files! Figures, huh? There’s always something in Computerland that stumps me or causes problems.

Haven’t been working on my stories for the last few days, and today I had over 300 new sweeps to go through being the 1st. I just hope that this month it wasn’t all for barely $20 worth of stuff!

I have more to do than I could possibly get done in the 16 or so hours of my day, but that’s just fine with me. It sure beats being bored and feeling useless.

[dianight]

The frustration of walking around for 4+ hours, then having to wait for 2, then having to walk more, then having to deal with windows 10 bullshit, using anything without unchecking every single "can we spy on you" "can we show you a million adds" is so cancerous it made me physically ill (nevermind the hours out on the heat) almost losing most shit I use and being saved by some random old discord log (thank you, paranoia). All the shit I did lose, files that I've kept for more than a decade, notes I was still using after all this time, the guy at the shop that was like "we could send it for recovery..." but he knows I'm going to say no because that's like 500-600€ and the value is mostly sentimental. What's the point of a backup if it also FAILS!? The only thing I have left is an 8gb pendrive with some of them, they are not even updated... About to throw up when I can't log into my gmail and about to lose years of work, all my saved stuff and access to THIS ACCOUNT TOO. Going into an old email to log onto a throwaway one to log onto discord of all thing and checking the old server that I made to play dnd with my friends and later had to delete since we stopped playing and had a falling out with a few of them and there they are! random messages with letters and numbers and hoping and hoping and tearing up and please let one of these work and then it did! after it asked me password, phone number and a code send to the email I WAS TRYING TO ACCESS! And from there I get most of my accounts back but still dealing with windows 10 shit and having to get all my extensions back and then randomly remember I was watching Ranger Reject and after was planning on watching Girls Band Cry and also the Precure episode that I cannot remember because I use firefox to keep track and everything looks so different now and it makes me feel old as fuck because you know what? I'm actually terrible with technology but I had to do some major surgery on my pc (did I mention it's hot as fuck) sweating and trying to not break anything because if my gpu dies this pc is unsalvagable and I'll have to get some 2080 if I'm really lucky for a few hundred and maybe a new case because gpus are so big now it probably doesn't fit on this one and I want to break shit I'm so frustrated and stressed and I want to scream but I can't and you know what? this whole time I kept it together and when I was doing a mental check of everything I lost I got sad but what can you do and I had a bookmark with a lot of manga titles and it was 200+ of them many bad ones but you know how it is and I was crying because of it because it's just too unfair I was careful and the backup failed too so that's years of effort gone for no reason. My fucking spreadsheet to keep track of hrt too that actually helped because counting pills I realized when I missed one and then it was fixed because despite a million things going wrong I try to keep track of things and keep them organized but then it doesn't matter because I get double and triple and quadruple fucked at once and what do you do then. what.

[sweetsummercashmere]

“Roller Derby Queen”

Persephone

“Roller Derby Queen”

(Photo Credit: Source = Pinterest, posted by Cierra Ellsworth, Accessed November 29th 2023, https://pin.it/1YTwVMy)

July 21st, 2015

Hey Tumblr, I’m Persephone, my summers been super busy but I’ve been wanting to start a blog for so long. I’m 17 this August, 5’10, and my star sign is Pisces. I’m an actor, singer, and dancer. My dream one day is to do acting professionally, and to live in L.A. This blog is my way of journaling my journey, maybe so I can look back when I’m winning my first Oscar. Love you all, <3.

July 25th, 2015

Hi Tumblr, just wanted to update my summer. I’ve been spending my days rollerskating with friends, and practicing my lines for a play my local theatre is putting on. Hayden’s mom works at the theatre and sent me the script to audition. Hayden’s my boyfriend btw. The role is a queen who’s to be beheaded for crimes against her citizens. It totally reminds me of Marie Antoinette, who we learned about in Social Studies last year. She’s honestly my role model not to lie, lol. Love you all :).

July 31st, 2015

Omg Tumblr, I got the role. I may not be the lead but honestly the queens my favorite, my dad always says I’m the queen of the Coastside. He’s not wrong. Last year I won Winter Queen, had the whole town celebrate my 16th Birthday, and I got captain of my volleyball team. Iris says it’s because people have sympathy for my mom, I disagree. It’s all because my perfume. “Classique Intense Jean Paul Gaultier”. It stops the whole room, and gives me a deep sense of confidence. The scent reminds me of stardom, not some old sad memory I go back to for comfort. Iris is jealous that I have the skill to grow up. Love all of you *-*.

(Photo Credits: Source = Fragrantica, Accessed December 1st, https://www.fragrantica.com/perfume/Jean-Paul-Gaultier/Classique-Intense-24821.html.)

August 1st, 2015

I gave up the role. Hayden said every guy in town was talking about my costume, it was too much for him. But at least we’re together, maybe it’s for the better. Honestly acting is too much attention. Talk to y’all later, love ^~^.

August 3rd, 2015

It’s my Birthday tomorrow, my friends keep “forgetting” to invite me to hang out. I think they’re planning a big party, but don’t let them know I’ve got them figured out.

August 10th, 2015

Sorry Tumblr, I haven’t posted in a bit. Guess my friends were going out, and there were boys there, so they didn’t think I’d wanna go. Orion made me a cake though. And Iris drew me a card, it was still special. My siblings. We’ve been so separated this summer, but I know our loneliness is connected, we’re forever together, as siblings.

August 22nd, 2015

Again, sorry Tumblr for the late post, been kinda silent recently. Iris and Orion don’t know, but Hayden is always forcing me to go out everyday, I’ve barely had time for friends, and he wants me to delete Tumbler, lol, but it’s fine, I’m doing good.

August 25th, 2015

Song rec Tumblr, “Ride” by Lana Del Ray. Perfect for rollerskating. Miss you <3<3<3<3.

August 26th, 2015

(Account has become deactivated)

[dsumps]

WOW! It has been how long?

For a second there, I thought I left the internet for real. Nah, turns out when the whole world panics about the death of a platform, somehow everyone returns the next week like nothing’s happened. Despite migrating my followed content on my other platforms, I STILL ended up using Twitter the most in viewing online content.How could I stop? Everyone still uses that platform to some degree. Despite this, I did promise that Tumblr would be my new place for posts (clearly followed up on that order :P), and I still haven’t (and won’t) post another thing on that platform for god knows how long.

Sooo, how have I been (if that even matters to you)? 

I’ve been fine, I got through my first year of college at ASU, and overall I’m just been chilling with the inactivity. The most I ever post online is through my personal Instagram, which for obv reasons, I won’t be sharing. Besides that its been scroll, like, next platforn, scroll, like,... the usual.

It’s been sort of nice to be afk from the constant active schedule, especially when there are important things to worry about than being on social media. I honestly don’t know how some of y’all do it better, haha. 

How about the art? Where’s the art?

I really did leave the blog hanging with the doodle sharing. There’s still several pages of sketches there, but I haven’t really drawn in like... a year. Again, college had me on a chokehold, and will again once next semester begins, so I haven’t really done much creatively for awhile. I MIGHT, but I don’t promise. Social media for me, isn’t much of a priority than living for real life, which pretty much defines my reason for inactivity. Not that I don’t care about it, otherwise this account would’ve been deleted long ago.

Any new interests / miscellaneous section?

This is just to update y’all about my current interests and such. Pretty much realized through the past year that I don’t like Pokémon as much as I thought. During Gen 8, I made it an effort to become engulfed into the currents of the games, anime, media, etc... and honestly it was a hassle, and I hated it, especially on Twitter. I pretty much learned that the only thing I actually cared about were the various Pokémon themselves. Especially apparent from my ever-growing collection of plushes that I dedicate to once in a while. It’s a massive money waster, but god do I love it. My recent favorite is the Cult of the Lamb plush I had to order in under a minute before being sold out. That was a fun experience, and I know I’ve sneaked him into several ASU promotional material. Funny I mention that, because I haven’t really played video games either since college. 

If there is ONE thing I do have current interest in, that would be this one small show you may have heard of this show I’m not sure if you know this show so ill show you the show so you know its a little show called Bluey. I’ve been obsessed with this show since the end of my winter break, funny enough initial interest came from watching TikTok's of people (jokingly, I hope) to compete with 6 y/olds for Bluey plushes at Target. I guess i’ve liked too many of these posts for TikTok to start sharing full episodes on my page, and I've never been the same since. I’ve caught up with the series, and I gotta say it’s one of my favorite current pieces of animated media to come out as of late. Without saying too much, this show made me question many aspects of my life several times to where I could say I’ve actually learned how to better myself a bit. It’s crazy to me that a goddamn toddler program from Australia is actively teaching me morals at age 19, but here we are, I guess. 

Will there be Bluey in this blog? maybe, but I plan on posting Bluey related content on another blog @dsumpsbluey For now, my primary blog will share primarily Pokémon, art, and Pokémon art; not that I’m gatekeeping Bluey, but I got something planned for that other blog (plans, I’m totally great with those). Other than that, that’s pretty much it with what’s up with me. Sorry for being inactive for as long as I did, real life just caught up to me that’s all. Hopefully if you’re still reading this, you realize my current position of my blog. Just know that unless specified by me, this blog isn’t dead. Good day, or night, and until the next post.