#maybe less angst from Liv for a little

[ellsarchive]

Writing that mini Kuroo thought made me realize I can’t remember the last time I wrote something lighthearted wtf

[lillaydee]

Head Over Heels Part 11

Jackson!Joel / Reader

Special Guest Appearance by a Certain FBI Agent who may or may not look a lot like Joel.

You left the loneliness of your home and headed to Jackson with Joel and the teenage girl he was with, hoping your new life would be less lonely. You should've stayed alone.

WARNING:

Non-canon Compliant, Pining, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Soft Joel (The Last of Us), Jealousy, Loneliness, Trauma.

MEGA WARNING: Descriptions of Attempted Sexual Assault.

@copperhalfcent @joelalorian @vickie5446 @peelieblue @nandan11 @liciafonseca @senoratess @denisanoemi @lovefreylove @heartpatch

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 10

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Before you realized it, months went by, and Christmas was around the corner. You were going to work, spending time with your family and friends, so happy with your life you almost forgot about the life you had outside of these walls and the dangers that still existed out there. You’d even taken up knitting, Lucy patiently teaching you the ins and outs of the art, even though your straight lines were wonky at best.

Your brothers, Marcus, Tommy and Joel got along famously these days, often seen together hanging out or having a drink. They had some sort of an agreement when it came to you and their ladies – at least one of them would stay in town with you and the ladies whenever the others were on patrol. You spent your time with all of them, together or separately, your brothers providing the headaches, laughs, comfort and safety only brothers could give, Marcus his shoulders and ears for all your complaints and woes, and yours, his, and Joel… well… Joel was Joel.

He was… different. Mellowed, was the word you would use. He smiled and laughed a lot more with Ellie, cooed and played with Jake a lot, and with you… he was just… soft. His voice, his demeanour, his looks. His entire body relaxed any time he saw you. His shoulders, usually stiff and ready to fight rounded and slouched slightly when walking with you. His eyes were always on yours now, making you blush so much you had to look away.

Still, it had only been a few months since the ‘do over’ vow. Ever since that near kiss at his place, the two of you had been a lot more comfortable with each other. You had gotten used to having his arm around you, him, your head on his shoulder. Maybe a kiss on the cheek or two. But other than that, the two of you were still hesitant for more – you, for fear that he hadn’t really changed, that he was still hesitant to love, and him, your hesitancy. But, you reasoned, you had been patient for years, you could wait a few more months.

Ellie had taken to borrowing more and more books from Ike, even helping the old man with the books every now and again. She followed you around, reading to you, or asking you about this and that book that she had heard of but had yet to read. And Jake, well. What can you say? He was already your favourite man of them all, a gummy smile from him could erase years of heartbreak, you always said. Liv and Diana agreed – these days your arguments with them stemmed from Jake, mainly who he was winking at, or which auntie he loved the most. Several kidnapping attempts had been made by various individuals, yourself may or may not had been included, but Maria, all of you found out, was a scary momma, so no one was trying that again.

Vanessa was transferred to another team at Joel’s request. Pete’s, to be exact, much to his chagrin. Their different schedules had been paramount in his side activities with the ladies in town, and now, that had taken a backseat, and he was not happy about it. Vanessa, in an attempt to reignite her marriage, had taken to clinging on to him like a leech, and he had tolerated it just because Tommy and Maria had a little talk with him, in case he planned to treat her in any way she didn’t deserve to be treated.

It didn’t help that his ‘fierce fighter Casanova’ character had taken a backseat now that your brothers, Marcus and Joel were around, their reputations and skills making him look like an amateur. More and more men were actively standing up to him any time he tried his luck with the ladies, especially since a few of his partners emerged from his ‘care’ with bruises, and in the case of one particular lady, a mysterious pregnancy and miscarriage. No one stood up to him before, but they all seemed to have grown a bit of a back bone now, knowing that these more experienced gentlemen would back them up without a second thought.

Still, Vanessa’s longing looks for Joel never ceased, and Pete, ever the hypocrite, took that as an insult. So he kept trying his luck with you, despite your continuous rebuffs. And luckily for you, these attempts were usually in the hall as you were working, so he often gave up as soon as one of the men in the hall came near, but not without leering at you. On one such occasion, he cornered you as you were helping Ricky unload some olive oil from his little orchard, telling you he would succeed eventually, just you wait. And if you kept denying him his rights – ‘tit for tat’ as he called it, still insisting that Joel had taken his wife to bed – he would take it by force, receiving a stern warning from Ricky who overheard his threat.

Esther hadn’t come near you since that incident in the hall, but saved her best stares for you, muttering under her breath, which she did often, so much so, you wondered if her accusations of your 'witchcraft' was just a projection of her own practices. So far, you still had all your teeth and you hadn't sprouted extra limbs or anything like that, but you kept your fingers crossed, just in case. The men had stayed away from her, and the work she was doing these few months were making her so miserable it showed. Her once stylishly set hair no longer had the same bounce now that she wasn’t spending her time setting it at the saloon all day.

Apart from those two instances, your life was smooth sailing. You had your brothers, your friends, and the man whose eyes stared directly into your soul these days, so much so, you often found yourself looking away despite spending the last 16 years longing for those eyes to look at you just once.

**********

Come Christmas day, the reality of this happy life you were living was hitting you in the face at full blast, and you were not complaining. Watching Ellie and your friends and family smiling and laughing while opening gifts, eating ‘til your bellies almost burst, watching Christmas movies back to back as your eyes began to close one by one as the fire roared in the fireplace was something you thought you would never experience again, at least not this merrily, and definitely not with all of them wearing some sort of wonky, mismatched knitting you had made throughout your time here.

Joel stopped you at the bottom of the spiral staircase to your apartment after he walked you home. He produced two roughly packaged items for you, wishing you a Merry Christmas. You leaned on the pole of the metal staircase and opened the bigger of the package first. A small, curved blade with a wooden handle in a leather sheath was in it. The handle small enough to fit in your hand, a hole at the top of it, the blade glinting even in the dark night.

“The sheath clips on your waist band, and it’s small enough to hide, and should be comfortable for you to carry around,” he said, “Will you have it with you at all times? Please? Give me a peace of mind?” he pleaded, his eyes earnest.

You smiled, studying the small knife. “I hardly leave Jackson, Joel. I’m safe here, who would I use this on?”

“Please?” he begged, “Just in case. I know it’s safe, but danger is everywhere, and I don’t want you needing it and not having it,” he said.

“Joel…”

“Please, Elena, I need you safe. Here, let me show you,” he took the knife from your hand, sheathed it, and lifted a bit of your shirt, and inserted the clip on the sheath onto your waistband, his gloveless fingers brushing against your skin. Sorry, he muttered, hastily pulling your shirt back over the teeny weapon. “See?”

It was perfect, actually. But you couldn’t think of a response for that little demo he performed at that moment. All you could think of was how your entire body was covered in goosebumps despite the layers you had on, and not from the cold. All you saw was him. He was so close to you.

“Joel…”

He finally looked up, his eyes boring into yours. You took a step up the staircase so you were face to face with him and leaned in, tentatively touching your lips to his. You could hear him gasp, and you pulled back, worried that you had gone too far. He took your waist in his hand, stopping you from moving further from him, his lips chasing yours, and kissed you.

Oh, how he kissed you.

Joel surprised himself by how gentle he was being with you. That he didn’t just devour your mouth with his. All these years later and he was finally kissing you, he didn’t even know if this was real. But he could feel you. He could feel your eyelashes flutter on his own as you closed your eyes, he was sure you could feel his too. He could feel your lips on his, all soft and warm as he massaged them with his own. He could feel one of your hand hold on to his jacket, while the other took his free one, your fingers lacing with his, not minding the fact that his palm was ridiculously sweaty despite the cold temperature and the snow on the ground – he had been nervous to give you your presents, worried you wouldn’t like them. His biggest dream since the day you jumped off the tree house had just come true. He was kissing you. And you were kissing him back.

It was so much better than he had ever imagined.

But he needed more. Wanted more.

So he ran his tongue over your lower lips, slanting his head a little bit more, taking more of your mouth with his.

You moaned.

Joel found himself lightheaded, letting go of your hand, taking a tight hold of the metal pole of the staircase to steady himself, his knees threatening to give out from under him. He needed to do this to anchor himself, keep himself upright, lest he took you down with him if his traitorous knees decided to stop working.

Both your hands were now on his jacket, clutching on for dear life as your legs felt like they’d turned into Jello, standing upright only by his hand holding you by the waist otherwise. You got a bit braver and licked the inside of his top lip, just a little, shocked at how Kissing 101 with Adam Trenton was rushing back into your memory when you still couldn’t do algebra or fractions to save your own life.

Joel Miller, the man who you saw mow down an entire hospital by himself, who killed clickers like he was weeding an overgrown lawn, the one who you’d been told took off grown men’s digits and cut off their legs alive, whimpered into your mouth.

He fucking whimpered.

Joel swore he was going to pass out. He felt like he was having an outer body experience, a dream, a nightmare and a déjà vu all at the same time. This was something he had been dreaming of since he first saw you. Something that graced and haunted his dreams nightly.

These dreams he had of kissing you played different roles in his life these past 16 years. More often than not, it served as fodder for his morning wood, the ones he had to actively hide from you as you travelled with him and Ellie, leaving him ashamed of the juxtaposition of him wanting you so badly he had to push you away for the sake of his guilt and self-deprecating thoughts.

Sometimes, it served as comfort for the nightmare he had been reliving nightly since Sarah died. The one where he helplessly held his little girl as she took her final breath, waking up in sweats. When he somehow managed to fall back asleep, the phantom feeling of your lips against his would help soothe him, allowing him to smile contentedly in his sleep before waking up to reality, disappointed that it was all a dream.

Sometimes, it served as a shining beacon that reminded him of his humanity, particularly on those nights he had trouble sleeping having fulfilled one of his stone-cold duties for the day, that his life would somehow get back on track and that he no longer needed to kill and brutalize to survive.

Sometimes, it served as a nightmare, one where he woke up feeling the comfort of your kisses in his dreamland to Tess sleeping next to him while on the road, her arm wrapped around him from their stress relief the night before. That was the worst. The guilt he felt, dreaming of your lips as Tess spooned him made him feel like a monster, more so than torturing someone for information.

But the one he remembered so clearly, and perhaps the most thankful for, was the ones that filled his sleep as he laid recuperating from his stab wound. They felt so real you might as well have truly kissed him. The hope that it gave him, just the possibility that it might happen one day, gave him the will the fight the infection, to survive one more day, just so he could experience the real thing.

And now, here you were, lips locked onto his, you soft moans driving him crazy. He needed more. He needed to wrap himself around you, hold you tight and never let go.

But first, he needed to let go of the pole. So he pulled his hand off the pole.

Nothing. It wouldn’t come off the pole.

Fuck. Why couldn’t he let go of the pole?

One more try, his face turning away from you slightly, still kissing you, not wanting to let your lips go now that he had access to them. But the thing he wanted, needed to let go in order to take this kiss to the next level wouldn’t let him go. He felt all the blood drain from his body when he realized what had happened.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! His hand was stuck to the pole. His sweaty, fucking hand was stuck to the cold, fucking pole.

“Joel? What’s wrong?” you asked him, all breathless and soft and warm from his kisses, your lips travelling from his own to pepper kisses along his jaw, leaving him squirming and a lot more frustrated than he already was.  

Joel had two choices.

One, leave his hand stuck on the pole and keep kissing you, and chop the frostbitten hand off later.

Or he could tell you the truth and risk you laughing at him.

Alas, he stood there in contemplation for so long you realized what happened before he could come to a decision. You freaked out and immediately climbed the stairs to go up to your place, hastily adding more wood to your stove and putting a metal bucket with water on it to warm up, yelling at him of what you were doing, screaming at the bucket of water to warm up faster. You kept warning him not to try to pull his hand off, and all Joel wanted to do was to tell you to come back, he missed your lips, it’s okay, he could live without his hand, but he doubted he could live without kissing you now that he had a taste. Still, all the frantic running and yelling you were doing brought a smile to his face. It reminded him of the hazy memories of how frantic you were when he was down from the stab. Checking on him, dripping water into his mouth, chewing meat and feeding them to him. Covering his body with yours to keep him warm.

You cared about him.

He couldn’t stop his smile as you came back down with the slightly warm bucket, not having the patience to wait any longer for the water to heat up. He hissed as you poured warmish water around his hand, finally setting it free. Immediately, his hand shot up to hold your face, but you pulled back, telling him you should go up and look at it in the light.

It’s a good job you insisted. His hand was red raw. Some of his skin had peeled, and you made him sit on your bed, getting some clean towels to clean it before putting some salve on it, wrapping it up with a handkerchief after.

By then, all the excitement from the kiss had dissipated, and you sat next to him, fussing over his hand, his lips forgotten. He thanked you for taking care of him as you lifted his wrapped hand and gently kissed it better.

Oh well, whatever was filling his pants to desperation just then had gone away anyway.

So, Joel pushed the other package your way, asking you to open it. When you did, a bracelet fell onto your lap. A bracelet made up of wooden dices and beads, a black string holding them together, your name carved on the dices, one for each letter. This one was special, you thought. It was expertly carved, as if the carver had practiced this over and over. Unlike the ones before where only one face of the dices was carved, the faces of the dices contained carvings of other things apart from the alphabets making up your name. A sun, a daisy, a heart, all delicately carved into the small surfaces, which was then painted and shellacked into perfect shines. All those things representing you to the carver.

But how…

You looked at Joel, wonder on your face. You got the knife from your waistband, looking at it under the light for the first time. Your hand moulded perfectly over the handle, your thumb slotted into the hole at the top comfortably, as if someone had studied your hand and carved that handle to your size with precision.

Your name was carved onto it.

“Where did you get these, Joel?”

He looked at his wrapped hand shyly, “I made them.”

“What? So… the bracelets before… and…” your hand shot up to the necklace you were wearing.

He smiled, nodding. “I made them. Tess found them and gave them to you.”

Tess knew?

He nodded, “She told me to be with you – just before she…” he swallowed. “That’s one of the reasons why I couldn’t tell you earlier. I felt like I’ve cheated on her. Like I’ve let her down, somehow. She knew. She’ds always known. She just never told us. And I felt guilty, too, you know? I never… felt the same way about her. So I just needed time to get over that.”

He took the bracelet from you and tied it around your wrist, running his finger over it once he’s done.

“It’s beautiful Joel, thank you. How did you carve this on such small surfaces?”

He looked to be thinking for a while, telling you he’s had a lot of practice.

“Just saying, if you ever potter about in my basement and found a box that rattles, maybe don’t open it?” he said, cringing a little.

You laughed, and pulled his face to yours for another kiss, a chaste one, this time, thanking him one more time.

“So? Will you wear the knife on you at all times? Please? You didn’t answer my question.”

“Why all this sudden worry about my safety?”

“I’ve always been worried. It’s just, lately…” his eyes began to wonder from your own, looking at the floor, like he’s hiding something.

“Joel? What are you not telling me?”

He got quiet, contemplating whether or not to tell you.

“Ricky may have told me something Pete said to you.”

You closed your eyes, cursing under your breath.

“Joel, Pete’s not going to do anything. And I can take care of myself. You know this. You’ve seen this. Ricky shouldn’t have said anything to you.”

“I know you can, but Ricky was looking out for you, darling, and so am I. So, please? Take care of yourself with this blade on your waistband? Please?”

You saw the earnestness in his eyes, pleading you to do him this favour. He cared about you.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” he asked, a huge, relieved smile on his face.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, closing in on you, capturing your lips with his again.

The two of you made out like teenagers that night, despite being in your mid forties and fifties, and fell asleep in each other’s arms, your sleeps dreamless, all the way until morning.

**********

You were just about to sit down for dinner when Joel came in with Ellie, all dressed up and ready to go for his night shift on patrol. He sat down next to you, arm around your shoulder as you fed him off your plate, Will and Tommy teasing him to get his own plate like an adult.

“You really should, you know, you’re going on patrol. What if you get hungry again? I’ve eaten half of the plate already,” you told him.

“But it tastes so much better when you feed them to me. Plus, this gorgeous woman packed me an extra sandwich,” he said, winking at you, opening his pack to place the Tupperware you gave him in it, leaning in to kiss you sweetly after.

God, you’ve been blushing way too much these days.

You walked him to the stable after dinner, walking hand in hand with him, his massive ones gloved this time. “Be careful Joel. Please come back to me,” you whispered, tightening the scarf you made for him around his neck, as you got on your tippy toes to kiss the living daylights out of him. When you finally pulled back, Joel looked like a dumb kid, his eyes dreamy, a stupid smile on his face, all thoughts driven out of his head save for you. He swallowed hard before answering you, and even that, came out as some mumbling which made you laugh. He pulled you back to him for another kiss, shutting the fuck out of you. Now it’s you who was all dreamy and smiley. Who’s the dumb kid now?

The two of you finally separated when Will and Tommy shouted that it was time to go, and Joel walked over to get his horse to much teasing and catcalling from his fellow patrollers, much to his outer annoyance, although he was secretly enjoying it on the inside.

You watched until he rode out of the gate before going back into the kitchen to clean up. You stopped by Benny and Marcus’s table to say hi, solved some stupid argument they were bickering about before slapping Benny at the back of his head, rolling your sleeves to get back to work.

***Descriptions of an attempted S***al Assault coming***

You took the buckets of trash out back to put in the burn pile, emptying them before turning back to go inside. Before you knew what was happening, you were slammed face first into the building, knocking the bearings and thoughts out of you, falling on your back, your head too fuzzy to make sense of what was happening. You could feel blood filling your throat, choking you, so you turned to the side to cough it out, managing to do so just as someone kicked you in the stomach and sides, over and over and over again. You screamed in pain, but what came out was a weak gurgle, you sights still blurred from the hot, wet liquid pouring out of your forehead.

As you tried to get up, that someone pinned you down on the ground, and his face came into your vision.

Pete.

An angry Pete.

“You think you can reject me, old maid? Joel is not here to protect you now, is he?” he seethed, his knee on your stomach, laughing maniacally as you struggled to breathe or even move.

“I told you, I will take what’s mine, even if I have to take it by force, you and your stupid ego and your stupid sense of security left me no choice!” he shouted, pulling back, aiming a fist at the centre of your face. You managed to turn your head and the punch landed on your ear instead, and even through the ringing, you could hear the bones in his hand crackle and pop.

He released a guttural groan, “You broke my hand, you stupid whore!” raising his other hand and slapping you across the face, hard.

Your head was now swimming. There was red in your eyes, you could hardly breathe, each attempt bringing blood down your trachea, drowning you. Your body convulsed, and he put his entire body weight on you, rendering you immobile. Nothing you did got him off. Your hands were scratching at him, punching his torso, pushing him off, but all to no avail. He was too big, too strong.

You could feel your consciousness slipping. Joel, you thought, your eyes looking around for him. He’s not here. He’s not here.

Pete began to unbuckle his belt, one hand around your throat.

Fuck, you were going out. Joel, your consciousness called out again, when suddenly, Pete’s hold on your throat loosened, starting to unzip his pants.

Your hand went to your waistband and grabbed the curved blade Joel had given you, and with what little energy and fight you had left, you stabbed him sideways with it in the stomach, just the way Joel showed you, pulling the knife out in one go, the curved blade ripping out a chunk of his skin, fat and muscle out.

He let out a blood curdling scream, the back door to the kitchen blowing open, and someone screamed for help. Diana, you thought, as your semi consciousness clocked Pete punching her in the face before running off into the night.

Men were surrounding you, Marcus rolling your body to the side to stop you from choking on your own blood. Breathe, Elena, breathe, he pleaded. And the moment you did, you coughed. You coughed so much blood out, but you could breathe again, albeit not without being in pain.

Benny came rushing by your side, having tried to go get Pete first, prying the knife out of your hand. You bolted upright, screaming from the pain, “No! No! Please, no!”

“Okay, okay Elena, you hold on to the knife,” Benny said, his voice gentle despite the angry look on his face, kicking himself that he didn’t get to you sooner. “Come on, little sis, I’m gonna take you to the clinic, okay?”

He tried to pick you up, but you stopped him. You can walk, you stubbornly said, getting up, Marcus and Benny keeping you steady. Hank and the other men had gone looking for Pete, Diana recognizing him immediately, despite the darkness.

The two helped you walk, slowly, towards the clinic, Benny pleading to let him carry you. You wouldn’t, wanting to at least do this yourself, needing to have control after what had just happened. It’s not that far. I can walk, you kept telling him. Even Marcus’s coaxing didn’t work. You kept walking, the knife Joel handcrafted still in your hand, your thumb in its slot, hanging on to it for dear life, so glad you decided to take his advice right now.

The streets of Jackson were shockingly empty, everyone scattered looking for Pete. Even the Bison was quiet. Just as you passed the saloon, the clinic one little alley away, Pete emerged from the dark alley, covered in blood, a gun in his hand. Benny hugged you, covering your body with his own, pushing you down with him as Marcus lunged at him to wrestle the gun away, and a gunshot rang through the streets of Jackson.

Hank, Marcus and the rest of the men out looking for Pete grabbed him from the ground, Marcus with the gun in his hand. The men hauled Pete away, screaming profanities at you, as a panicked Maria came running, Liv following closely behind. They helped Benny get you back up, Benny checking you for additional injuries, his face white with worry.

“Is she okay?” Marcus asked, handing Maria Pete’s gun.

“Marcus,” Liv said, shaky hands pointing at his body.

You looked at your friend, his yellow shirt blooming with blood seeping from his stomach, as he looked down and lifted the shirt up.

A bullet wound was leaking blood near his navel. Marcus lifted his head to look at you, smiled, and fell to the ground.  

---

Part 12

[ladylooch]

The Aftermath of Us - [Liv X Luca]

A/N: The ending of their angst... for now, because let's be real it's me. BUT! of my planned angst for them, this is the end. This was quite the rollercoaster both in the angst and for me to write. I hated putting these two through this. Because I love them, but felt they needed to have this break in order to grow into what is next for them ☀️

Word Count: 5.2k

Part 1 | Part 2| Part 3|

She didn’t want to be an option. She wanted to be the only conceivable choice in this man’s life. And if that’s not what she was, she didn’t want a lick of what he had to offer down on his knees, begging for her to marry him after everything he had done to them.

With her chin in her hands, Livia Meier reads through the last paragraph of her writing. A lump settles into her throat, feeling the ache for these two imperfect characters she has been curating through written word for the last few weeks. This story, which had started off so discombobulated, has flown through her so well this week. The pieces her editors had balked at weren’t entirely without merit, but now that she isn’t running from things in her personal life, she sees exactly where she wants this all to go. 

She just wishes her writing success would cost less.

Her chair creaks as she leans back, letting her sore shoulders rest against the leather of her desk chair. She rubs at her eyes for a brief moment, then glances at the clock below her monitor. She has five minutes to get downstairs. 

With that in mind, she hauls herself into a standing position. She completes her stretching routine quickly to work the writing kinks out of her muscles, then walks towards her front door to grab her boots, jacket, and keys.

The cold New York winter keeps Liv inside her apartment building, scanning the street for the black Yukon that will be delivering her parents. Her mind should be here in New York, but instead it floats states away to the colder landscape of Minnesota and she wonders what Luca is doing at this exact moment. She hugs herself tighter, closing her eyes and willing the moment to pass. She doesn’t want to think about him right now. She doesn’t want to worry about how he is doing or if he is broken up about being traded from his hometown team. She wants to greet her parents and disappear in the comfort they will provide.

But it’s Luca. She should know after the last few weeks how impossible he is to forget.

Liv found out about the trade from her older brother. They had been out to dinner last night when Lio had snapped back from his phone, looking at her with cautious eyes.

“Uh….” He clears his throat. Liv froze. Her unflappable brother is never shook by anything. She resists the morbid thought that one of her family members has died.

“What?”

“I think you might want to see this.” He murmurs, then slides his phone, face up over to her. There she sees the trade announcement from the Minnesota Wild. Luca’s name is printed in white lettering on the forest green backdrop, announcing a swap between the team and the L.A. Kings. Liv’s heartbeat rushes through her ears. She looks at Lio who takes his phone back, looking over the details again.

“Damn, this is a good trade for the Kings. Luca will work well in their system. They need a little more grit with their flash. And he is tough to play against.”

Liv nods, maybe in agreement, but mostly in shock. Her hands itch to grab her phone in her purse. She wants to reach out, ask him how he is doing, if he needs anything. But… she also knows that isn’t her place right now. 

But maybe, if he needed her, he would reach out. This would be when she would finally hear from him. She hasn’t since they got off the FaceTime call almost 5 weeks ago now. But this is huge, life changing. He won’t be able to resist hearing her voice.

Luca didn’t call last night. Nor has he in the 13 hours of the current day either.

Liv can’t quite believe how that is possible. Doesn’t he want to talk to her? Doesn’t he need her assurance that it is going to be okay? Or has he really already faded away that much from her?

A timeline of images rolls through Liv’s mind. All the moments that got them to this point. She second guesses everything, critiques all the ways she could have been better too and leaned in instead of out. But she got so tired of feeling like the only one who was holding on to them. She needed Luca to try harder, but had no words for how to tell this to him. She has them now. But if he was standing in front of her today, that’s not what she would say to him. She would tell him she loves him and misses him and is willing to take on the whole world again together.

The black Yukon comes purring to a stop in front of her apartment door. Liv feels her shoulders drop in an exhale. Finally, they made it. Their oldest may be in the next city over, but they are here for her, at her request, because she missed them. It’s that simple. And when she called her mom, asking for her and dad to come over, her mom didn’t hesitate. 

“I’m booking our flights right now. Which weekend? How about at the end of February? We will celebrate your birthday- late of course, but better than never, huh baby?”

Her mom had no idea what happened with her and Luca, but she still managed to make everything okay, even if it was only for five minutes. 

Now they are here, still unknowing about her and Luca as they step out of the SUV and gather her into their arms as quickly as their limbs will move.

“Hi Livy!” Her mom squeals when she sees her. Liv beams at her mom, rushing into her outstretched arms, letting her catch the full weight of her. Timo comes to the side, grabbing both women into his arms and squeezing hard. In the embrace of both her parents, Liv feels the first crack of her resolve. 

“Mama, you’re blonde again.” Livy murmurs.

“Yeah, Auntie wanted to try some new products.”

“It looks good. Got that California glow.” Liv murmurs, looking at the strands of her hair, trying to ignore the growing tears in her water line. “Beautiful.”

Her mom pauses, cupping Liv’s cheeks. Liv chomps on her bottom lip, trying not to blink the tears down her face.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Her dad asks, never one to beat around the bush. His hand rests between her shoulder blades, rubbing soft circles there.

“Is it Luca? We saw he got traded this morning. Daddy texted him some encouraging words.”

“You texted him?” Liv gasps.

“Yeah… Was I not supposed to?”

“No, um… What did he say?” She asks, staring her dad down.

“... Thank you…” He trails off, confused. 

“Oh. Just that?” Her parents share a glance. Liv swallows hard.

“Well, yeah. I’m not sure there was anything left to talk about at that point. I’m sure he is reeling from everything. It’s a whirlwind, even when you want it. How is he doing?” Liv’s shoulders sink and her tears spill over her lashes as she shakes her head. 

“I don’t know. We um…” She struggles to get the words out. “Broke up.”

The shock on her parents' faces could energize the entire city for minutes. She looks down at her boots, then shrugs her shoulders. Her bottom lip wobbles, which breaks her dad out of his trance first. 

“Baby.” He sighs, pulling her into his strong chest. She falls into him completely, burying her nose into his armpit, losing it completely. Her mom’s hand comes to her hair, smoothing it down as she steps into the otherside of her dad’s chest. 

“It’s okay, honey.” She murmurs. “Daddy and I are here now. You don’t have to be strong anymore. We will take care of you.. Of everything.” 

Liv nods. She may be grown, but there is something magical about your parents taking care of you when you need it most.

An hour later, Liv is curled into the couch with her mom, resting her cheek on her shoulder while her mom combs her nails through her hair. She just went through everything that happened from start to finish, including the confusion of Ryder. Her dad listened from the kitchen table, making no noise except small slurps of his espresso. Her mom nodded and gave miniscule words of encouragement through the story, waiting until Liv seemed completely done with her story. 

“What about now? How are you feeling?” Liv shrugs, bringing a small piece of her sleeve to the corner of her eye to absorb the tears threatening to fall again.

“I miss him. I don’t know what I expected from this break, but nothing about this has changed how I feel about him. If anything, I’m more in love with him. I wish he was here. I wish I knew what he was thinking as his whole world shifts.” 

“Have you reached out?”

“No.” Liv sighs. “I feel like he doesn’t want to hear from me right now.” She bites her lip, contemplating. A piece of dry skin flakes off from the scraping of her teeth on it. “If he did, he would have reached out by now. Like, why hasn’t he called me, mama?” Liv shrugs indifferently, then brings her knees up to her chin. “I guess it’s fine. I understand if he doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Maybe he is on a plane right now thinking the same thing about you.” Her mom points out. 

Liv looks out the window of her apartment, watching the reflection of a plane flying overhead in the buildings next door. 

“Maybe I just messed it all up.” Liv whispers. Her mom brushes Liv’s hair back from her cheek then kisses her hair. 

“If it’s meant to be, it will be. We have talked about that, but sometimes fate requires our participation. This doesn’t need to be the end of your story.” Her mom looks across the room to her dad. “Sometimes it takes a couple tries together before you get it right.” Liv lets her mom’s words sink in. They settle in next to her heart and spread out through her chest like wild flowers in the spring. They bob and weave in her chest like a hopeful promise. 

Her dad’s phone pings, filling the room. 

“It’s Lee. He’s asking if we want tickets for tonight.”

“Up to you, baby.” Her mom says to Liv. “We are here for you.”

Liv contemplates, figuring it would be a good distraction, ironically, for all this heaviness she feels inside of her chest. 

“Yeah, we should go.” Liv smiles. “But first, espresso martinis?”

Her mom grins widely.

“Woo, yeah! That’s my girl!” She pats her thigh.

Yeah, this is exactly what Livy needs.

- - -

As she brushes on the final swipes of mascara onto her lashes later that night, Liv cannot help the pull of her phone to her left. The screen keeps lighting up with texts from friends and her brothers, mostly from the family group chat where they are asking their parents to bring back various American delicacies like Cheetos and Starburst. 

But it’s not her text messages or social media notifications that have Liv’s attention tonight. It’s the three grad school acceptance emails that have been starred in her Gmail, forgotten until she has the capacity to think clearly about a future, one that may no longer include Luca.

She has five days left to make a decision. Her choices are incredible. One includes staying in New York, in a city that she has come to adore more than she ever expected to. The other is Washington University which would require a move to the center of the country. The other is on the West Coast, nestled inside one of the world's largest cities- Los Angeles. There are pros and cons to each of the schools, both academically and personally. But if Livy was honest, UCLA has always been her top choice. Now with Luca there, it seems like it should be a no brainer. But her mind races and trips over itself, trying to figure out the next right direction for her life.

He probably doesn’t want you there, a mean voice whispers.

Liv steps back from the mirror, throwing her hands on her hips in annoyance. 

“Why are you like this?” She snaps at her reflection. “If you want to go to UCLA, then go to UCLA. If you want to go to Wash U, go there! It doesn’t matter what anyone else has to say about it. This is your life.”

But staying in New York is tempting… where she is closer to home. Mack is moving here in the summer too. It would be nice to be close to her.  Liv looks at the way her eyebrows concave inwards, the deep frown on her lips pulling them down earnestly. 

How could she stay here when her whole entire heart is moving to Los Angeles?

“Hey, the car is going to be here in five minutes. Are you ready?” Her dad says from the doorway of her bedroom.

“Almost!” She calls back to her dad.

With haste, Liv begins to throw her makeup back into their respective drawers. She fluffs her hair, then swipes off some of her lipstick that smudged into the crease of her upper lip. She pauses, thinking about what else she needs before she is ready to go. Shoes and a purse come to mind. 

A knock at the door sounds and Liv assumes it’s a package she ordered from Amazon for same-day delivery.

“Daddy can you get that?” Liv calls down the hall as she rushes into her closet. She needs to find her other crossbody bag otherwise she is going to need to stuff things in her mom’s purse. “Where are you?” She mutters to herself, clawing through her closet. She swears it was hanging on the back of her closet door last time she saw it, but her closet is a mess of clean and dirty clothes, plus shoes strewn every which direction from kicking them off after class.

“Livy.” Her dad says quietly from behind her, startling her.

“I’m almost ready.” She assures him.

“Baby, Mama and I are going to head to the game without you.”

“Dad, I just said-“

“Luca is here.” Liv freezes. She slowly falls back, thighs hitting her heels where she is kneeling. Her blue eyes look into her dad’s identical ones. They soften at the pure terror on her face. She still has no idea what to say to him and now he is here. But also he is here.

“Oh.” He steps forward, giving her his hands. With his help, she stands up, smoothing her sweating palms down her jean covered thighs. “What if I asked you to stay?” Her dad smiles sympathetically.

“You don’t need us for this part. You know what you wanna say. Speak from the heart.”

Her dad walks from the room and Liv slowly follows behind, staring at his broad shoulders. In the living room, her mom stands with Luca, who is smiling and nodding along to whatever she is saying. He looks so good, it almost stops Liv mid-step. His hair has been cut recently, a few days of stubble growing on his face. He laughs at something her mom says and his perfect, white teeth accent the twinkle of his brown eyes. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his dark jeans while a white, designer shirt rests against his chest, a gray flannel on his shoulders. 

When he turns to look at Liv, the weeks apart and words unsaid stretch between them. The urge to run to him and press her cheek to his solid chest makes her limbs buzz, wanting her to make them move. She doesn’t. Instead, she comes to a stop just inside the room as her dad continues forward.

“Hi Liv.” Luca greets her, eyes casually glancing at her dad as he comes to his wife’s side. 

“We will leave you two. Hang in there, Luca. It gets better. Remember, it's a whole new opportunity to be your best.” The former NHL winger encourages him.

“Thank you.” Luca nods sincerely. His eyes follow her parents for a moment, but once they pass Liv, his orbs remain only on her. She swallows hard, moving with her parents to the door. 

Neither of them seem willing to save her from whatever this will be. Her mom winks at her, then squeezes her hand before they head out the door. Quietly, Liv shuts the door, then tucks her hair gingerly behind her ears.

“I’m sorry to take you away from Lio’s game with your parents. I didn’t realize they were in town.”

“It’s okay. It’s Lio. He doesn’t really care if I’m there or not. But I’m… surprised to see you here.” She bites her bottom lip. 

“Not upset though, I hope?” Liv shakes her head no.

“I’d never be upset seeing you.” She whispers. Luca sighs heavily, removing his hands from his pockets to twist together in front of his body.

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“You could have called.” She points out in a whisper.

“No, I couldn't have.” He murmurs with a small smile. “Not for this.”

They stand there, five feet apart looking at each other until Luca hesitantly raises his hand towards her to take. She traces the lines in his palm with her eyes, then up the squares on his forearm to his eyes. The way he looks at her makes her ache for him. She can see how much he is hurting from all that has happened. All she wants is to make this better for him. For them. Her fingers glide up his to his palm, then circle his wrist. She leads him over to the couch where they both sit together. Their bodies turn inward towards each other, knees touching slightly. 

Luca brings a hand up, raking his fingers through the side of her hair. Liv closes her eyes, leaning her cheek into his palm, letting herself savor his sweet, protective touch. His thumb brushes her cheek bone as her blue eyes open to drink him in. 

“Tell me you’re still in love with me.” It’s a beg from his sweet lips.

“Always.” She murmurs. He smiles, clearly relieved.

“I love you. And I’m so sorry.” He swallows hard, brown eyes deepening with regret.

“I know. I am too. Everything got so sideways, so fast. I hate what happened.” He combs his fingers completely through her hair, then runs his fingers down her back before letting his hand fall away. 

“I understand my part in it. You were right, I don’t think I did before.” He says to her. “I recognize that I was putting you so far on the blackburn, it was like you weren’t even there. I let every mile of distance grow between us because I was worried about my career.” He sighs heavily. “And it didn’t pay off at all. Look at me now.”

“Luca, the Kings obviously really want you. They gave up a first round pick and a star prospect for you.” He shakes his head, waving her words away kindly.

“I don’t care about any of that, Liv. I don’t care about hockey or the NHL or the money. It means nothing without you. If I’ve learned anything over the last couple of weeks, it’s that.” He shakes his head, running his hand through his hair as he sighs again. “I just want you.” He whispers. “You’re the only thing in this world I truly need.”

Tears build in Liv’s eyes. She drops her gaze down to her thighs, contemplating what to say to him. Sure words are her thing, but when it comes to her feelings for Luca, they never seem to convey the depth.

“If you don’t feel the same way anymore, that’s okay. I’ll figure out how to live without you, but I need you to know that.” His voice is soft, barely speaking loud enough for her to hear his words. A drop falls down from Liv’s eyes, splashing onto her thigh- a navy dot in the denim. Luca rubs at it with his thumb. “I am going to lay all my cards on the table right now.” Liv looks back at him. “Come with me to L.A. We will start over, a new chapter with a deeper respect for each other, and a bigger love. We will stumble and make mistakes again, but we will do it together. I don’t want to spend any more time apart. I want it to be you and me in L.A., making a life together. No more dreaming about the days when we can go to sleep together. It’s time to start living it.” Luca searches her eyes. “After you graduate, of course. But um, I’m hoping you will come with me now to help me get settled. We could look at some places to live. The team is on a long homestand right now.” 

Liv brings her hands up to Luca’s cheeks. Her thumbs stroke over the stubble on his face and the slight pink on his cheek bones. He is literally asking for her to allow him to make their dreams come true. Nevermind the time apart. Nevermind the choices that got them here- both hers and his. He is asking her to patch this up and come build a life with him. He makes it so simple while still presenting it as if it’s her choice. She can’t help but smile, thinking back to the passage in her book from this morning about not wanting to be someone's option. She wanted to be the only choice too. And now here Luca Fiala is, telling her she is his choice. His one and only- forever, as long as she still wants that with him. 

Her eyes and fingers trace over his lips then she slowly lowers hers to them. Luca inhales deeply, hands coming to the back of her head and hip. He tilts their faces, absorbing her mouth into his completely by connecting their tongues. This is it. Everything that Liv has been looking for the last few weeks was already in her hands. It breaks through like a rainbow after a thunderstorm- a soft glow at first, then vibrant and demanding of attention. She whimpers into their kiss. Luca pulls her into his lap, not letting one inch of air separate them. 

When they pull away, Luca wipes her tear streaks off her cheeks, collecting them all in two swipes of his fingers. 

“I have one request for where we live.” Liv finally murmurs, threading her fingers at the back of his neck. She pecks his swollen lips gently. Luca seems almost drunk as he looks at her through hooded lids.

“Anything. Mmm, anything you want is yours. Just name it.” He mumbles against her lips again. Liv giggles, running her tongue over his bottom lip. Luca rolls her hips into his zipper, building a friction that makes Liv forget her train of thought for a moment. “Tell me. What am I going to find for you, beautiful?”

“It needs to be close to school for me.” Luca blinks, coming a bit out of his lusty haze to look more clearly at her.

“I can… get you a picture of Columbia to hang up in the living room?”

“I don’t mean my undergraduate school. I mean my graduate school…. UCLA.” She widens her eyes at him, giggling at the bright excitement that fills his face immediately.

“Excuse me!? WHAT! UCLA!” 

“Yes!”

“BABY!” He yells, hauling her up into his arms to carry her victoriously around the living room. Liv grips onto his big shoulders for dear life as he basically tosses her around in the air. “I knew it! You were so nervous and I knew it! Of course you got in!” 

“I also got into NYU and Washington University, but my heart wants L.A. It wants to be where you are.” Liv confesses. Luca freezes in place, waves of gratitude and relief swaying in his brown eyes. “Because this also means nothing to me without you. You’re it for me, Luca Fiala. Forever.” She grins at him, then wraps his cheeks up in her hands so she can taste him properly in her mouth again. 

Luca’s hands grip her ass tightly in his hands, then lowers them both back down to the couch. They kiss long and hard, tongues winding into each other until they need to separate for gasps of air.

“I love you.” 

“Oh my god, baby, I love you so much.” Luca groans, forcing her lips to his again. “Fuck, I cannot live without you. Not for one more second of my life, babe.” Liv starts to laugh joyfully, big dimples piercing her cheeks. Luca chases them with his lips, kissing her happiness as if to memorize the taste of it on his lips. 

“Let’s never do that again?”

“Never. Ever. Gonna put you first, I promise. You have a permanent seat right in the front row of one.”

“When do we leave?”

“After you pack a bag. A private plane is waiting for us at Newark.”

“I… have class on Tuesday.” Liv stutters. Sure, she has senioritis but she has to finish out her undergrad strong to be prepared for the horrors of grad school in the Fall.

“We’ll get you back by then, even if I have to fly the plane myself.”

“Oh no.” She chuckles. “I’m gonna pass on that option.”

“I already worked it out with the Kings. We'll tell them tonight you need to be back by Monday night.” Liv nods. Of course, Luca is taking care of all these details. “Your parents?”

“They have another kid here to keep them company. Wanna help me pack?” She asks, stroking the pulse in his neck with her thumb. 

“Mhm.” He murmurs, then picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. 

Sprawled on her bed, Liv texts her parents that she isn’t going to make it to the game or brunch tomorrow, or the rest of the plans they had together. Her parents understand completely, filling her cup with their happiness and I love yous. Liv smiles to herself, then sits back up to see Luca filtering through her clothes. He is picking out all his favorite clothes of hers. He jokingly chucks a Minnesota Wild sweatshirt behind his shoulder to discard in a wilted lump on the floor. 

“Black on black on black, baby.” He holds up black jeans and her black leather jacket. 

“Oh yeah that looks good. Grab that white shirt too.” She gets off the bed, then goes into the closet with him to finish getting everything together. 

When her suitcase is zipped, Luca kisses her, then folds their fingers together before they exit her New York apartment, bound for an sunny, L.A. wake up call tomorrow.

 - - - 

The next morning, Liv and Luca wake up tangled in each other. Their calves hug together, fingers curled up, gripping opposite arms. Liv’s hair is a tangled mess on the pillow the two of them are sharing in the big King bed. It’s early in California. The sun isn’t even up yet, but the timezone change hasn’t caught up to their bodies yet despite their crazy travel schedule. 

That’s okay with them.

They have other things to catch up on.

Like the craving for sleepy morning sex to wash away the weeks they spent apart appropriately. There is no need to ask if there has been any others. Because it’s so evident there hasn’t. In the way Luca leaks pre-cum all over Liv’s stomach from excitement. In the way, Liv begs for Luca to touch her slick folds immediately. But mostly in the way they trust each other. That if there had been others, they would tell the other out of the deep love and respect that has been healing between them since they got up from the couch in her New York City apartment.

The couple settles onto their sides, Liv’s leg tossed over his hips as he adjusts her up to rest on the pillow. His face finds it’s place against the top swells of her breasts for a moment. His lips kiss her sensitive skin, awakening gooseflesh and tightening her nipples. 

“Mmm.” Liv moans into Luca’s hair as he slides into her. Her walls clench around him immediately, drawing him deeper to welcome him home to where he belongs most. He groans, putting his forehead on her collar bone.

“Not gonna last.”

“Me either.” She smiles, kissing his hair. “Move, baby.” She coos when he stays frozen for a few more seconds. “We have forever together.” She reminds him. Luca pulls away, grinning up at her. She kisses his lips, then lets her moan fill his mouth as he thrusts in and out completely. His tip plays with her entrance before bottoming out again. 

“My perfect Livy.” He moans back to her, stroking his tongue along hers. 

Her wet heat pulls him in deep with each pump of his cock. His face buries again into her breasts, nuzzling them with his stubble before taking a nipple into his mouth. Liv’s heart rate increases. Her walls collapse tightly around his. Luca quickens his pumps, using the hips and thighs hockey gave to him to make his girlfriend come so hard she sees white dots fill her vision.

“Shit.” He hisses into her breasts as he comes too, painting her walls with him, coating her the only way she should be for the rest of her life.

Their hungry breathing fills the room, even after they have been satiated once. A dewy, warm glow rains over them. Hope blossoms in their stomachs as they pull apart, moving everything to the shower so they can prepare for the rest of their busy day. 

Liv isn’t sure how she’s going to let them separate for him to go to practice and her to check out her new campus. 

“I’ll see you later?” Luca asks her as she drops him off at the Kings practice facility. 

“Yeah. There’s nowhere else for me to be.” She smiles. 

Luca laughs, then leans into the car for one more kiss. 

“You taste better here.” He compliments her. “Like..” he kisses her again. “Hmmm what is that?” One more smooch grazes across her mouth. Liv feels buzzed on a high from him, anticipating his next words. “Oh I know what it is.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Tastes like wifey material.” 

“Oh stop it.” She laughs, shoving his face out of the car. “Go play hockey.” 

“Laugh now, baby. But I’m telling you, the last time you set foot on that campus for graduation, you’ll have a new title.” 

Shivers of excitement roll off Liv as she pulls away, letting his words echo in her mind. Then she heads south, driving as fast as she can to keep working towards her dreams. 

Read more Liv and Luca here.

[pedrito-friskito]

strawberry wine - joel miller x ofc!liv stone/fem!reader

during - part sixteen

series masterlist | main masterlist | read on ao3

the aftermath (and after that).

a/n: I swear this is the last time liv and joel will fight for a while 🫠 we’re working through some shit, but we come out the other side! ALSO TUMBLR IS STILL BEING A BITCH AND CUTTING OFF THE ENDING SOMETIMES but not other times?? READ ON AO3 IF YOU CAN!!!!!

word count: 5.8k

warnings: MY BLOG IS 18+, MINORS DNI, canon typical violence/injuries, blood, treatment of injuries, angst, everyone says a lot of shitty things but we come full circle, unprotected p-in-v (wrap ur shit in the apocalypse folks), let me know if i missed anything!

✨follow @friskito-library for updates on new chapters/works!✨

2 months later - May 2009

You’re standing at the stove, nursing a cup of shitty coffee. It’s lukewarm by now; your mind has been wandering all morning, and you keep forgetting about it, leaving it on the counter or the bookshelf or the kitchen table.

There’s too much on your mind, not enough, too much, not enough.

Where are they, now? Are they alive, are they safe? Is he still with—

You shake your head, blink back the tears that have crawled up your throat. It’s the same feeling, every day since it happened. You can’t shake the guilt, the grief, the fear. It just comes back up again the next morning, strong enough to knock you to your knees if you let it. You don’t, most days, but other days, you can’t help it.

The curtains are drawn, mid-morning light filtering through the gauzy material. You should really find something better, something that blocks out the light more thoroughly. Maybe then you could both get some half-decent sleep that wasn’t alcohol or drug-induced. 

You’ve done a lot of drinking in the two months, which, given the circumstance, isn’t shocking, but you’re running out of bottles in your stash behind the fridge. Tess has brought you back a few more, but you want to go back to a few places you haven’t shown her yet, and you know full well Joel isn’t about to let you go for a run anytime soon.

Sitting on the couch makes you antsy, so you park yourself at the kitchen table, bringing your coffee with you. There’s a bottle for whiskey on the table, and you reach for it, pour a healthy amount into your mug. The sound of the bottle hitting the table feels ten times louder than it really is, and you sigh heavily as you lift the mug.

From the corner of your eye, you see Joel rise from the bed. His movements are slow, his boots dragging a bit with every step. You see him push his hand through his hair — it’s grown out on the side where you’d had to cut it away, more of a mop than it was before. You should trim it, the beard too, make him look a little less unkempt.

He makes his way into the kitchen, but you don’t turn your head. He stops behind your chair, bends at the waist to brush a kiss at your temple, and carries on to the stove. “Mornin’.”

You return the sentiment, sipping your spiked coffee. You set the mug back down, reach for the bottle again. You can feel him watching. “What?”

“That kind of morning, huh?”

Saying nothing, you top up your mug.

It’s quiet, mostly, for a few minutes, as Joel makes his coffee, fishes a granola bar out of the cabinet. He tosses one to you, too, grumbles something about putting food in your stomach if you’re intent on drinking. You let it sit on the table, right smack in the middle of your map of Boston, and just stare it down.

The scar on your side prickles with memories of the last two months. It’s a strange feeling, not like any of the other scars you have, accompanied by the strange raised lines that spread from the bite itself, spidering out across your skin. The infection, you figure, trying to work it’s way through your bloodstream and failing, by some stroke of luck.

Is that what it is? You’re lucky?

The bite healed easily, once you were able to give it the proper attention. There were other things that took priority.

+

Another stroke of luck, that Nick’s aim failed him miserably that night.

They both fired at the same time. Joel’s bullet found a home in Nick’s shoulder, knocking him back a step, but Nick’s…

Joel shoved you backwards as the shots sounded, and you sprawled back on the pavement, stuck watching as the bullet from Nick’s gun hit Joel in the head. Horror rose like bile in your throat as he stumbled back, tripped over his boots, landed on top of you. You screamed, scrambled beneath him, grabbing for his head, yelling his name.

“Joel!”

Nick stood there and stared, one hand gripping his bleeding shoulder. His gun clattered to the pavement.

There were fresh tears on your face, your movements frantic as you turned Joel over, tried to see his face. The fear sparked with relief when you saw he was still breathing, saw his eyes were cracked open. The bullet had hit just above his temple, and skimmed along the right side his skull. There was blood everywhere already, pouring down the side of his face, making his hair clump together. You reached for his bag, pulled a bandage out and pressed it against his head. Joel hissed, his hand reaching up to cover yours.

And then Nick spoke.

“Liv, I just—”

Everything in you screamed as you grabbed Joel’s gun from where it had landed, scrambling to your feet and lifting it, pointing it at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

His eyes were wide, pupils blown, as he stared back at you. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

You took a step forward, pulled back the hammer on the gun. “What do you think?”

“I’m doing my fucking job, Liv! You’ve been bit, and you think I’m just gonna let you back in here? I can’t, y-you could get people killed. You could turn, you could—”

“I was bit yesterday, you fucking jackass,” you spat, taking another step. There was only a few feet between you. “Why do you think we were out there all night? You know what, it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s not—”

“Yesterday?” Nick repeated, and his eyes got impossibly wider. “If you were bit yesterday…” He trailed off, and you could see the wheels turning in his head. “Liv, that means you’re—”

You took another step, until the barrel of Joel’s gun was pressed right to Nick’s chest. “Don’t you fucking dare. I’m not, as far as you know. You tell FEDRA that I am, and I’ll tell them about the smuggling, about the sneaking out, all of it. I will drag you down with me, Nick, so help me god.” The corner of your mouth twitched, an unkind smile on your face. “Guess I’m just as terrible as you thought.”

Joel called your name, and everything in you froze.

“Olivia.” You couldn’t move, staring at Nick’s face, rage making your gut twist. “Put the gun down.”

Slowly but surely, you did. You shoved it into the waist of your jeans, turned back to Joel. You were both grunting with pain as you got him to his feet. He was pale, his hands shaking as he gripped your forearms, used you as leverage. Worry filled your gut.

When you turned around, Nick was gone.

As quickly as you could, you took Joel home. He held the bandage to his head the entire way, and you supported his sagging weight as much as you could, your side screaming in pain with every step, but you knew whatever you were feeling, he was feeling too. You stopped a few times, propped him against the brick and wiped the blood from his face.

No one dared approach you as you walked. Your guns were hidden, the bat slid between the straps of your backpack, but you paid it no mind. Even the few FEDRA soldiers that crossed your path looked the other way, and it made your gut twist. No one wanted to get involved, risk themselves for someone else, and as you approached the building, you knew you couldn’t go to Deanna. You couldn’t go to Tess or Tommy. You had to help Joel, then help yourself. If anyone saw the bite, it put them at risk. You were already a risk. 

Leaving Nick alive was a risk.

Joel nearly passed out on the stairs, and you had to half-drag him down the hallway to your apartment door. He came to again in the doorway, stayed alert long enough to get to the couch, but then he was out again. You hastily threw a clean bandage on your bite, grabbed what first aid supplies you could find, and set to work.

You had to cut his hair, baring the wound along his scalp. There was blood everywhere, sticking to your fingers and clumping his hair together, and you found the cleanest towel you could to wipe it away. He hissed loudly when you wiped at it with alcohol, one hand flying out and curling around your thigh, fingers digging into your jeans. You shushed him, tried to work as quickly as your shaking hands would allow. “I know, baby. I know.”

It felt like forever, sitting there, cleaning the blood from him. It was deep enough in one spot to need a stitch or two, and you were grateful as all hell that Deanna had taught you what she had, that you knew enough to fix it, to make him better. Tears slipped out of his shut eyes as you stitched it, and you fished an oxy out of your stash, pushed it between his lips.

 Finally, his breathing evened out. The wound was still nasty-looking, but the blood had slowed, the few stitches you’d given him were holding, and his grip on you was relaxed. Not completely limp, but relaxed. You smoothed your hand over his hair, brushing it away from the wound. Joel mumbled your name, and you leaned down to kiss his forehead, wincing at the pain in your side. You needed to tend to that. “Get some sleep,” you murmured, rubbing your hand across his chest. “I’ll be right back.”

He didn’t nod so much as just lift his chin, but it was confirmation enough, and you got to your feet, taking the first aid supplies with you, heading for the bathroom.

You were a mess, just as blood-covered as Joel, if not more so, crimson streaked across your middle, dragged down your hips, disappearing beneath your waistband. You peeled off your jeans, pulled off the bandage, bit your lip as the pain spiked. Your hands shook as you reached for the rubbing alcohol, tried to stifle your whimper as you poured it over the bite. If you were too loud, you knew Joel would try to come and help, and you didn’t want that. He needed rest.

You’d stashed some of the same medical glue stuff that Deanna had used on you years back, and you reached for that. It stung just as bad as the alcohol, but it seemed to work. The bleeding slowed, you wrapped yourself up, tying the gauze around your middle to keep the bandages in place. You popped an oxy yourself, swallowed it dry, spread your blood-covered hands across the counter.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, and cried.

It wouldn’t stop, as you washed the blood from your hands, cleared away the dirty bandages and towels. You didn’t dare make a sound, didn’t want Joel to hear, as you moved through the apartment, cleaned up. He was out cold, hand dangling off the edge of the couch. You circled back to him every few minutes, hot tears on your face, checked his pulse, made sure he was still breathing. You fished a bottle of whiskey out from behind the fridge, drank until your throat felt raw with it. You perched in the chair across from the couch, watched Joel, eyes glued to the rise and fall of his chest. He was mumbling in his sleep, his face pinched, and you got up, sat at the edge of the coffee table instead. You smoothed your hand over his hair, careful of the bandages, over and over and over until his face relaxed, and he leaned into your touch.

Then someone knocked at the door.

Your heart raced as you walked towards it. What if it was Nick? Or FEDRA? Had he ratted you out? It had been maybe two hours since the alleyway. What was—

“Tess,” you breathed, sighing heavily as you pulled the door open, but the relief was temporary, fresh fear crawling up your throat when you saw the expression on her face. She reached for you, hands wrapping around your biceps.

“They’re gone, Liv,” she said, and confusion prickled at you, obviously clear on your face as she continued. “Deanna and the kids. I just went up there, and the door was open. All of their stuff is gone, and I found this on the table.”

She handed you a piece of notebook paper, folded in half, your name scrawled in an unfamiliar hand on the front.

Tess stepped into the apartment with you, closing the door behind her. From the corner of your eye, you saw her gaze snap to Joel laid out on the couch, but she didn’t say anything as she lead you to the kitchen table, sat you down in the chair as you unfolded the note.

I won’t tell anyone what you are, but I won’t let you put them at risk. Don’t come looking, Liv. You’ve done enough. Stay in Boston. Keep yourself alive. — N.C.

Your hands shook as you read the words, over and over again, as if they might change if you read them just one more time. Tess just stared at you, her eyes occasionally flicking over to Joel on the couch. You laid one hand on the table, shaking so much your fingertips tapped against the wood. “Did you read this?”

“No.”

“Can I have your lighter?”

“Lighter?” Tess repeated, but nodded, fishing it out from the pocket of her jacket. “Liv, what does it say?”

Wordlessly, you took it from her, got to your feet, walked towards the kitchen sink. You folded the note in half again, flicked the lighter, and let the corner catch, holding it over the sink as the flame ate at the paper, until your name curled to ash, until the fire grew too close to your hand and you dropped it into the sink, watched until the paper crumbled into nothing.

“Liv?”

“I need you to understand something,” you said, still staring at the sink. You heard the scrape of a chair, felt Tess moving to stand behind you a moment later. She reached for you, and you flinched, but let her grab your arm, turn you towards her. “Nick took them. I can’t tell you what happened. Ever. Joel’s alive, and I’m alive, and that’s all that matters, but I can never tell you what happened. And I need you to be okay with that.”

She stared at you for a long moment, eyes raking over your face. You held your ground, curled your fingers around the sink to try and keep yourself upright. The air felt still, the both of you just staring at each other, her eyes searching yours. Your side twinged with pain, and you put your arm around your middle, flattening your palm over the bandage. And then finally, Tess broke first, rubbing a hand over her face. “Okay.”

She didn’t stay long. Long enough to have a drink with you, both of you sitting in silence, the only noise in the apartment Joel’s slow breathing and the clink of your glasses. “I’ll cover for you, if Tommy asks,” she said, halfway out the door. “Clearly you two need some rest.”

“Thank you.”

And then she was gone. As soon as the door swung closed, you reeled, planting your hands agains the wood, hanging your head between your shoulders.

They were gone. Deanna, Henry, Emily. Nick. Gone. You didn’t know where; you knew Nick had enough sway with FEDRA that he could get transferred to another QZ if he asked, but taking the three of them with him? That was different. There’s no way FEDRA would sign off on something like that, which meant he was sneaking them out, and instantly, you were so worried you felt ill. The thought of those kids out beyond the wall, it made bile crawl up your throat, and you sprinted for the bathroom, emptied your stomach into the sink.

There was a hand on your head a few minutes later, and Joel sank onto the tile behind you, pulling you back against his chest. You protested, whining as you wiped at your mouth, but he just held you tighter. Neither of you said a word, leaned against the bathroom cabinet, until the sun disappeared outside and the dark was all that remained.

+

“You need to eat something,” Joel says to you, sinking into the chair across from you. He pushes the granola bar across the table to you, and you just stare him down, lifting the mug to your lips again defiantly. He stares back, his brow going hard before he looks away, pushes his hand through his hair. “You can’t keep doing this, Liv.”

“Can’t keep doing what, Joel?” you throw back, your tone nearly mocking. “Please, enlighten me. There’s a fucking laundry list of shit I shouldn’t be doing — living included — yet here I am.”

He bristles, shoulders going tense. “You can’t keep shoving your shit away,” he says, hand curling around his own mug. “I know that you’re upset, about Deanna and the kids, but they weren’t—” Joel cuts himself off, staring down into his coffee, and now you’re the one bristling, planting your feet on the ground and learning forward.

“They weren’t what?”

He won’t meet your eyes, shaking his head as he keeps staring down into the mug. “Nothin’.”

“They weren’t what, Joel?”

Finally, his eyes lift to yours, and you can’t read them, can’t understand the expression in that dark gaze. “They weren’t your kids, Liv.”

It hits you like a punch to the gut. “I’m sorry?”

“I know that you…that you cared for them, and you helped Deanna raise them, but—”

“Shut up.” The words are nearly spit from your mouth, shoving your chair back and getting to your feet. The whiskey crawls up your throat, buzzing in the back of your mind, threatening to send you sideways, but you grip the table, lean against it. “You don’t know everything that happened here before you showed up, Joel. You don’t know what we—”

“Sarah died in my arms,” he throws back, still sitting, shoulders still tense, still not looking at you. “And I couldn’t do anything to stop it. So don’t talk to me about what happened before, or what you went through. There’s a lot of shit we haven’t told each other, Liv, but don’t you dare try to throw this in my face.”

Your hand curls into a fist, and you press your knuckles into the tabletop. “Oh, you want all the details, Joel? You wanna know how Emily watched her father rip her mother’s throat out, right in front of her? That kid hasn’t said a word since the outbreak, you ever wondered why? And me, well, where do I start? You want the list of the people I’ve killed? The shit I pulled to stay alive after the walls first went up?

“And you, fuck, I should be furious at you. All this time, you’ve been here, right in front of me, but my sister was alive, and you didn’t have the balls to tell me? You’re right, Joel, there is a lot of shit we haven’t told each other, and I let it slide. But Anna? How could you?”

Your voice snaps on the last word, and you don’t bother wiping at your face, tears dripping off your chin, splattering onto the table. He finally stares back at you, his expression still unreadable. “I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already was, when we got here,” he says, his voice gruff and low. “And then when you got bit, I knew it was the only thing that would stop you from losing it, stop you from telling me to put a goddamned bullet in your head. I’m sorry, that I kept it from you, Liv, I am. I just didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Your bottom lip quivers, and you sink your teeth into it, squeezing your eyes shut for a moment. “Well, you are.”

With that, you turn on your heel, yanking your jacket from the back of the chair and walking out the door. If Joel calls after you, you don’t hear it.

Your head is spinning with every step you take up the stairs. Deanna’s apartment is still empty. FEDRA tried to shuffle new tenants in a few days after they were gone, but you wouldn’t let them. You expected pushback, but got none, and part of you wondered if Nick had anything to do with it.

Now, you step through the unlocked door, and your heart sinks into your toes. Whatever they hadn’t taken with them has been rummaged through, picked over, anything useful long gone. Not that it shocks you. But there are still remnants of them, Henry’s math homework spread out on the kitchen table, Emily’s pictures taped onto the walls, Lego pieces and Monopoly money scattered across the living room floor. A long-empty bottle of gin sits in the sink, and you wonder if it was empty before they left, or if Deanna needed the liquid courage to agree to go with Nick.

You wander, your hand skimming along Emily’s drawings on the wall. The paper is torn in some places, crinkled in others, and as you move, one of them flutters to the floor, facedown. You crouch down, picking it back up, and your heart breaks even more. 

It’s a classic little kid drawing, stick figures of different colours on the page. Four of them, total, each with a name scrawled beneath.

EM. HENRY. DEE. LIV.

Joel’s right, they’re not your kids. You didn’t hold them as they died, you didn’t watch the life leave their bodies. You didn’t give birth to them, but it doesn’t matter. Since the mall, you and Deanna have been the closest those kids have to family. Before Joel had come back, they were the only things keeping you going, and providing for them was what kept you on your feet, kept you going beyond the wall. To keep them safe, keep them alive, keep them healthy. They were your family.

If it weren’t for Nick, you know that FEDRA would have dragged them off to the schools for orphans, that you would have lost them much earlier than you did. But now he’s undone all of that, left you reeling.

Now they’re gone.

+

You don’t come home, and Joel gets anxious with every hour that passes.

It was unfair of him, to say what he did. He knows he shouldn’t have kept Anna from you, that he should have told you what had happened a long time ago. But the look on your face, the crack in your voice, that’s exactly what he was trying to avoid, and yet here he is. Right where he didn’t want to be.

His hands shake as he props his elbows on the table, leans his face into his palms. The memory of Sarah will forever leave him reeling, and the guilt eats at him for using it against you. He knows how much you loved those kids, knows that their being gone, not knowing to where, not knowing if they made it, it’s not the same, but it’s still awful. The fact that Cowan’s the one who took them from you just makes matters worst.

The scar along his scalp prickles. It’s healed nicely; you pulled the stitches out when they were ready, kept him bandaged, forced him to take it easy. You had enough ration cards to get you by for some time, and while you weren’t telling Tess or Tommy what had happened, Tess showed up once a week with some food, spare cans of soup or beans or whatever she could get her hands on.

He hasn’t told you that his hearing has been off, ever since that night. It took a while for him to notice it himself. Things have been so tense between you since that night, there hasn’t been enough conversation for him to realize something was wrong. It wasn’t until Tommy asked him for help with a job at the other building — a door that needed replacing — that Joel even noticed. His brother had called his name four times before Joel had even responded, and once Tommy said what needed to be said, Joel took a step back, lifted his hand to his ear, snapped his fingers. The sound was there, but it was muffled, like there was cotton in his ear.

Most of the scar is hidden by his hair, and he touches his middle finger to the bit along his temple, the line slightly jagged, imperfect.

You’ll come home, and he’ll apologize. Part of him wonders if he should hide the whiskey, stash the pills somewhere you won’t find them. He’s worried. He’s always worried.

And the ring, the one he found that day in the jewelry store, still sits heavily in his pocket, a weight that follows him around.

He loves you, so much sometimes it’s like he can’t breathe. The world you’ve found yourself in, it’s not fair, none of it. 

If he had his way, he’d still be in Austin, with you and him and Sarah all together in that house. You never would have left for Boston, would have stayed instead. He would have asked you to move in at the end of the summer, asked you to marry him by Christmas. He would have done things properly, would have asked your dad for permission first, asked Anna for input on what ring to give you. He would have talked it over with Sarah, made sure she was okay with it.

He would have married you a long time ago.

The clock ticks closer and closer to curfew, you still haven’t come home, and Joel only worries more. Finally, he gets up, pulls his coat on, locks the door behind him. He checks all your usual places; the food bank, the pharmacy, the warehouse that used to be the donation hall. He sees McCoy out on patrol, but the soldier hasn’t seen you either.

It’s not until he’s circling back to the apartment that he runs into Tess. “I saw her heading up the stairs to Deanna’s floor on my way out a few hours ago,” she tells him, crossing her arms over her chest. “What happened?”

Joel gives her the short version, and by the end of it, Tess shakes her head, shoves at his shoulder.

“You’re a dick, Joel.”

“I know.”

“Go apologize.”

The door’s locked when he gets up to Deanna’s. He can see light from under the door, shadows like you’re moving around. He wonders if you’re standing on the other side, waiting for him to say something. Hastily, he runs back down to your apartment, finds a piece of paper and writes a message across it. Then he goes back out, stops in front of the door, bends down and slides the note through the gap.

+

You can hear him on the other side of the door, the shift of his boots across the floor. You hear the rustle of paper beneath the door from where you’re standing, Emily’s picture clutched in your hands. Still a tear-stained mess, you walk towards the door slowly.

The paper is face up, Joel’s handwriting scrawled across the page.

Please come home.

It’s a few hours still before you find the courage. Joel’s note and Emily’s picture held to your chest, you leave Deanna’s, you boots echoing with every step down to your floor. The door is unlocked, and when you push it open, your heart leaps in your chest.

Joel’s standing at the stove. It smells like spaghetti sauce, and there are two plates set at the table, your place and his. As the door swings shut, he turns to look at you, and you nearly burst into tears all over again. You put the papers on the counter, step towards him, right into his arms when he holds them out to you. You bury your face in his chest, sling your arms around his waist.

“I was a jackass,” he says into your hair, “m’sorry.”

“I don’t wanna fight you anymore,” you reply, resting your hand at the small of his back. “There’s enough shit out there out to get us, Joel, please. I’m sorry, too.” You squeeze him slightly. “What you went through with Sarah, I…” You bite your lip, shaking your head, and Joel pulls back slightly, one hand lifting into your hair, angling your face so he can look at you. “I know losing Em and Henry isn’t the same, but…”

“No, baby,” he murmurs, turning off the hot burners before taking your face in his hands. “I shouldn’t have…I shouldn’t have said that. You love them, and I’m sorry they’re gone, and you…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Anna sooner, and I’m sorry I’ve done nothing but fuck everything up with us since I got here.”

“You didn’t fuck everything up,” you tell him, and you both crack smiles, Joel rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks. “The world’s fucked up. We’re fucked up.”

“Still love you though,” he jokes, and you pinch his hip, making him yelp. 

“Still love you too, even when you’re a jackass.”

He kisses you then, his mouth warm against yours. You fall into it, letting everything else melt away until it’s just you and him, the world outside forgotten for the moment. You let yourself push away everything that’s happened, losing yourself in Joel as he claims your mouth, his tongue laced with whiskey when it pushes past your teeth.

“Dinner’s almost ready,” he mumbles against your lips, the words broken up by your insistent mouth. He walks you back until your ass hits the kitchen table, and you slide on top of it, wrapping around him when he lifts your legs around his hips, your arms around his neck. He drops his head onto your shoulder and you turn yours, your lips glancing across the scar at his temple.

“Dinner can wait,” you reply, pushing yourself against him. You can feel how hard he is, bulging against his jeans, and a shudder wracks through him when you close your teeth around his earlobe, cheat your hand between your bodies to palm him through the denim.

He scoops you up a moment later, one of the chairs toppling to the floor as he makes for the bed, laying you out on top of the blankets. His movements are frantic, Joel yanking your boots from your feet, your jeans down your legs. You reach for his belt with the same fervour, the metal clanging against the floor when you toss it away. He pushes his jeans down just enough to free himself, and then he’s leaning over you, your legs wide either side of him, your back arching until your chest is pressed to his.

There’s no preamble to it, not that you need it. It’s been a while, since you had him like this. Since that night, since that awful tension had formed between you, you’d barely reached for each other, too wrapped up in your own heads, too broken from what had happened.

And when he pushes into you, you nearly cry with relief. You toss your head back against the blankets, arms curling under his shoulders. His own cage around your head, mouth seeking yours as he rolls his hips against yours. You’re nearly blind with the pleasure, nails scrabbling at his back, teeth sinking into his lower lip.

“Fucking christ, Joel.”

“Whaddaya need, baby?”

“Harder, please. Fuck me harder.”

He listens. Joel pulls his hips back, until just the tip of him is nestled inside you, before slamming back in with such force that the air is punched from your lungs. You moan loudly, pushing your face into his neck. He doesn’t let up, giving you that same intense thrust again and again until the bed is creaking beneath you, the mattress shaking with the movement. The pace grows faster, the tip of his cock dragging along that devastating spot inside you until you’re cumming, tangling one hand in his hair as you press your cheek to his, your mouth dropped open as your thighs twitch against his ribs, pure fucking ecstasy rumbling through your veins.

“You got another one for me, baby?” he growls in your ear, and you don’t have words, just a frantic nod as the pleasure ebbs only to ramp up once more when he starts up again, having slowed only slightly to let you ride out your orgasm. The bed creaks louder, wobbling, but you both ignore it, your ankles locked together against the small of Joel’s back as he drives into you again and again.

You pull his hair as you cum a second time, everything inside you going tighter than sin as the second one barrels through you. He growls in your ear, gritting out praise that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. You can feel his body start to tense, his mouth dragged across yours, hot breath spilling past your lips as his eyes screw shut, hips stuttering as he spills inside you. You’ll never get over that warmth.

Joel kisses you, both of you spent, and just as he settles some of his weight on you, there’s a loud crack and the bed frame gives out, snapping in the middle, both of you thudding to the floor, padded by the mattress. Joel curses under his breath, and you just start laughing.

“Y’alright, baby?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

You lie there for hours, sprawled atop the broken bed. You only move when the position makes your hips ache, and even then, you’re still holding onto each other. And you just…talk. You’ve done this before — the night he admitted he couldn’t stay away from you — but there are new stories, things you haven’t told each other, things you were too ashamed to share, gaps in your timelines filled in. You both ask the other questions, pry as much as you dare, but you’re both laid completely bare to each other by the end of it — your pasts, your sins, your regrets, it’s all right there in the open.

And after, when hunger has gotten the best of you both, you disentangle slowly, sliding towards the edge of the now much lower mattress. You’re pulling your boots back on, Joel stood in front of you, when he slowly sinks back down, onto his knees, fitting himself between your legs.

“There’s one more thing I gotta ask you, Liv,” he says, and your brow furrows as he reaches into the pocket of his jeans.

The ring is simple, rose gold etched with flowers, glinting in the streetlight coming in through the window. Your whole body stalls, breath hitching in your throat as he holds it up, pinched between his index finger and his thumb.

“Will you marry me?”

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(tumblr has been eating the last few paragraphs of my posts lately

idk why

i’m doing this to hopefully avoid that

read on ao3 if you can just in case!)

[parkerflix]

—angel

chad meeks-martin x gn!reader (mentions of ethan landry x reader but don’t be fooled)

genre: angst angst angst w a little fluff

warnings: mentions of ghostface from scream 5, no scream 6 spoilers, mentions of alcohol

wc: 3.5k (i’m so sorry in advance)

synopsis: you were chad’s angel forever. but what if forever wasn’t as long as you both thought?

a/n: here’s this fic ): it was a monster to write i normally don’t write this much but ahhh yeah </3 not proofread

i.

you had known chad all your life. having mothers that were best friends came with your own built in friends in the twins. mindy was always the one who seemed to be hot & cold with you (you assumed it had to do with the incident in 7th grade— it wasn’t your fault). chad on the other hand, took to you very quickly and ended up always being around you. in the blink of an eye you were attached at the hip, where one went, the other would follow.

it stayed this way all throughout high school, his on & off relationship with liv never affecting your friendship. you know that liv had thought it was a little strange that you were so close, but once wes had shown interest in you, she quickly seemed to accept it.

after the incident last year in woodsboro, chad had decided to stay by your side even more. you had both lost your partners, and had barely survived what amber & richie put everyone through. the first few months were the hardest, nightmares of wes’ death haunting you, knowing you were too late to save him or his mom. your parents were reluctant to have you move so far away for college, only feeling a small sense of relief knowing everyone was going to the same place.

time went by, and you and chad seemingly had your normal friendship. but everyone around you couldn’t help but notice there was a shift, in both of your demeanors. you both seemed to be more intimate, soft touches & lingering glances noticed by everyone. you hadn’t given it much thought, it was chad, the same guy you had seen accidentally swallow a fly while camping when you were 10. he was your best friend, the person who probably knew you best (although mindy would argue she knew you better-) and that knew your deepest secrets and fears.

mindy had brought it up one night, before the big halloween party at the frat house.

“so what are you and my lovely brother going as?”

you looked back at her, two costumes in your hands.

“we aren’t going as anything specific, i don’t even know what he’s wearing.”

mindy rolled her eyes, perching herself on your bed.

“there’s no way you guys aren’t doing a couples costume.”

“we aren’t! i just can’t decide if i want to go as a grim or as maybe a cowboy?”

“who the fuck is grim-“

you held up the robe that you had tailored ( used fabric tape) to make it where you went tripping on the robe all night.

“from the grim adventures of billy and mandy? the cartoon?”

mindy gave a displeased look and you put one of the costumes back.

“okay i think i’m going with this.”

ii.

you had been at the party for less than 30 minutes and had already downed a few drinks, completely forgetting that you promised chad to pace yourself tonight.

mindy and annika were sitting next to you, talking about something that you didn’t really bother to pay attention to. you saw tara stumbling her way to the kitchen, talking to some girls that you had seen in your psych class. sipping the drink in your cup (what were you drinking?), you gazed

around the room, feeling bored and alone. suddenly a hand landed on your shoulder, making you jump slightly.

mindy and annika looked at you, both rolling their eyes at the culprit. you turned your head to see chad there, in his costume.

his cowboy hat was poorly positioned on his head, and it was hard to not notice his lack of a shirt. he smirked seeing you take his outfit all in. moving from behind the couch to infront of you, he did a quick twirl for you, making you giggle at his curtesy.

“you like what you see?”

you shook your head, the hood from your robe falling off your head.

“definitely not.”

“you wound me angel.”

you scoffed, and got off the couch, weaving your arm in his. chad kissed your hand before leading you to the kitchen, ready to grab another drink.

“where were you?”

“i was busy dragging ethan out of the dorm, he decided to make his costume and he was struggling with it last minute.”

you inwardly cringed at the mention of ethan.

ethan landry was chad’s roommate & friend who had a not so secret attraction to you. you thought he was sweet, and you assumed he took a liking to you because unlike everyone else in your friend group you showed him more kindness. you didn’t see him like that, although he never seemed to make a move so you didn’t worry about him too much.

“is that so?”

chad hummed, pouring two drinks, and topping yours off.

“you know, he looks really good tonight. i bet he’d like to hear you compliment him.”

“chad…”

“listen, i just want my two friends happy with each other! you both look so cute and would have the cutest babies.”

“ew chad, gross!”

“i’m just saying!”

you shook your head, groaning when he took your hand and started dragging you away to a quieter part of the house. you tried to ignore the butterflies that you had in your stomach, also ignoring the way your hands fit together perfectly.

ethan had been standing in the corner, eyes wide and looking extremely uncomfortable in his outfit. he was dressed as a knight, and made out of cardboard.

chad had pushed you towards him, making you stumble over your feet. ethan’s eyes widen and he stuck an arm out for you to grab, which you did.

“whoops sorry angel.”

you could hear chad’s shit eating grin in his voice and deciding to ignore him. you quickly took your hands off ethan’s arm, thanking him for the stability.

“nice outfit, who are you dressed as?”

“well i had a few outfits in mind including one that would’ve matched with chad-“

you let out a soft laugh, feeling chad’s arm come around your shoulders.

“but i ended up going with grim from the grim adventures billy and mandy.”

ethan hummed, seemingly deep in thought for a moment.

“that’s that one cartoon network show right?”

“oh my god yes!” your eyes lit up passing your cup to chad’s empty hand.

ethan laughed, seeing how excited you got over someone knowing the show.

“it used to be my favorite growing up.”

“no way! i watched it all the time as a kid, i was devastated when they stopped running honestly i don’t know why they stopped!”

the rest of the night had gone by in a flash, chad still by your side while you and ethan had talked about the shows you watched as a kid and your favorite episodes. you felt like you knew ethan better, and you were somewhat glad that chad had brought you over.

chad on the other hand, seemed quieter than usual, his arm always either being over your shoulder or around your waist. he sipped his drink slowly, just taking in the party environment and enjoying the warmth of your body next to his.

ethan had started to talk about another topic, when you let a yawn out, and caught chad’s attention.

“are you ready to go angel?”

you shook your head, obviously fighting (and losing) to your exhaustion. chad removed himself from you, saying he was letting mindy know that he was taking you back to your place.

you said your goodbyes to ethan, and waited in the front yard, waiting for chad to make his way back to take you home.

a few minutes had gone by, and there was no sign of him. there were a few stray people here & there, but they all seemed to be in their own worlds.

you pulled out your phone from your shorts, shooting him a text. a couple of minutes went by again, and right as you were about to go inside the house again, you saw ethan making his way towards you.

“i’m taking you home. uhm, chad got a bit occupied.”

your heart deflated a bit, but u nodded, not wanting it to be so obvious.

“yeah okay, sounds good. let’s go landry.”

the walk with ethan was peaceful, a simple conversation flowing between the two of you. you were tempted to ask about chad, but bit your tongue on the topic. soon, the two of you were outside your door both unsure of what to do.

“so…”

“yeah…”

ethan’s ears were slowly reddening, his gaze averted and looking anywhere but your face.

you let out a small laugh and shook your head.

“thanks for walking me back ethan. it means a lot.”

“oh it’s not a problem, i know you were supposed to walk with chad, but i’m just glad you made it home safe.”

“well either way, thank you. i’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” you quickly opened your door, taking a step inside your place before turning back and pressing a kiss on his cheek.

“goodnight ethan.”

you scurried into your apartment, closing the door on the stunned boy on your doorstep.

iii.

you didn’t see chad until a few days later, in the library between classes. you were hoping to check out a book for your film class, not hearing him creep up behind you due to your headphones.

reaching up to grab one of the books, you felt 2 fingers poke at each of your sides, causing you to let out a gasp and jump.

you held onto the shelf, turning around and glaring at the culprit.

chad stood there, in a tank sweatshirt with some sweats. he smiled at you, waving his hand,seemingly ignoring the glare you sent his way.

you pulled your headphones down and around your neck, lowering the music playing.

“hi.”

“that’s all i get? i haven’t seen you in days.”

you rolled your eyes at him and lightly jabbed his chest.

“and who’s fault is that? you basically disappeared on me and then had ethan take me home!”

he winced, as if you had actually hurt him and jutted out his bottom lip.

“i’m sorry angel, i am but tara was dealing with this guy who was very obviously trying to take advantage of her and you know i didn’t wanna leave her alone like that-“

you put your hand out, stopping him from the long tangent about to come out of his mouth.

“it’s fine. anyways it made have someone i can talk to about things about things other than tara nice for a change.”

the name rolled off your tongue so sweetly, but you knew there was hidden poison with it, jealousy taking you over.

in all your time being friends with the twins, you always seemed to come second to tara. it’s not like she did it on purpose, she just attracted people towards her. even wes liked her before he had a crush on you, and it always made your heart ache a little.

she was lovely, and one of your closest friends, but you knew and saw the way that chad stared at her so lovingly. it was painfully obvious to you and everyone but them that they were into each other. and who where you to stand in the way of that?

“i promise i’ll make it up to you, how about movie night tonight? my place, we can watch those barbie movies you love so much.” chad wiggled his eyebrows, and you let out a giggle before sighing.

“that sounds great, except…”

“no no, no except you have to. cancel your plans and come hang out with me.” chad grabbed your hand, bringing it to his chest.

“i cant, i promised ethan that i would help his with his homework, a little bit of a trade off, he’s helping me with my psych project.” you said, keeping your voice and eyes down, not wanting chad to see the blush on your face.

you had missed the way a few emotions had flashed through his eyes, his hand releasing yours.

“oh. maybe next time then?”

you looked up at him, seeing him with a soft smile and nodded.

“next time.”

vi.

next time had seemed to be put off by months, both of you drifting farther and farther from the other . most days you spent with mindy & annika or with ethan.

you were grateful for the three of them, them trying to keep chad’s name out of conversation when you were around.

you had tried to make time to hang out with him, but he always seemed busy with sports or school or tara.

you weren’t sure what happened that night of the party, but the two of them were much cozier, everyone immediately noticing at one of the groups’ game nights. they played it off, but everyone could tell by their bright red ears they were lying.

you were happy for him, but it didn’t help the aching in your heart. you had always been told by everyone that you and chad were eventually going to end up together, and that not happening knocked your whole world down.

at this point, you were more concerned about your friendship with him than anything, not even knowing if he still considered you his best friend.

your relationship with ethan had grown since the night of the party, and you were happy he was willingly to take it slow with you.

he had confessed one night during your study session, and took your apology well. he knew you had eyes for chad, and he was willing to help you with it, and just be a friend. he had put your feelings above his, and something just pulled at your heart strings. you both had agreed to take it slow, warning him that you weren’t quite ready but were willing if he helped.

and he was helpful. ethan came to every event you had, studied with you and slowly, traditions you had with chad were replaced with new traditions you had with ethan.

you two were joined at the hip, but also enjoyed your personal space and he understood you. you were grateful for him being so patient with you, and just enjoyed his company.

tonight was a movie night that you and ethan had planned, he had let you know that chad would be out of the room all night. you brought over your mini projector & some snacks, and ethan had ordered your favorite takeout.

a few movies in, you started to get sleepy, and got up to change. you pulled open one of ethan’s drawers, grabbing a shirt and a pair of shorts you had stolen from him for these nights. you quickly got changed, and snuggled back in bed with ethan, laying your head on his chest, his arm snaking around your waist and pulling you flush to his side. you absentmindedly drew shapes on his arm, making looking up at him, the movie being drowned out.

his brown curls were messy, some of them getting close to his eye. you reached up to brush his hair from his face, not even noticing that he had paused the movie and was watching you. you brushed his hair, and let your hand linger, the air between the two of you becoming tense. ethan leaned down and kissed you, your heart swooning when he did. his arm around your waist seems to draw you closer to him, his lips leaving yours for a second before he kisses you again, and you can tell he’s trying to say something to you.

before you can even process what that could be, his front door opens and chad walks in, shocked and a little annoyed it seems.

you both pull away from each other sheepishly, not realizing that chad was coming home tonight.

“oh sorry.” he says, awkwardly tossing his keys onto their counter.

“hey dude, we didn’t think you were gonna be home tonight.” ethan said, his grip on your waist slightly tightening. you stayed quietly watching the two boys interact with each other.

“yeah well, tara and i had an argument so i decided to come home. but i’ll be going now.” he quickly grabbed his keys and opened the door, slamming it when he exited.

you blinked, pressing a chaste kiss to ethan’s lips before sliding your shoes on.

“i’ll be right back.”

v.

you opened the door and peered into the hallway to see chad’s figure turning to corner to the staircase. quickly closing their door, you dashed to catch him on the stairs.

he had made it decently far down the steps, and you ran down the stairs, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket to catch his attention.

he stopped and turned around, shocked to see you standing there, catching your breath.

you held up a finger to him, trying to catch your breath before you started talking. chad took in your appearance, your hair all over the place, and a shirt and shorts that he knew he had seen ethan wear more than once around their room. his heart clenched at the thought of the two of you, not knowing what might have happened if he hadn’t walked in.

you finally caught your breath, standing up and giving chad a look over. he had dark circles, and his knuckles seemed to be turning white from how hard he was squeezing his hands. the two of you stood there, not knowing what to say to each other. you weren’t sure how you had ended up so far away from each other, and it admittedly made you more sad than normal.

“so you and ethan huh?”

you crossed your arms,clearly unimpressed.

“yeah and?”

chad shook his head.

“nothing, i just didn’t think he was your type.”

you scoffed at that, not believing him.

“you know it’s shocking to hear you say that, considering you were the one who pushed us together.”

“i never did that.”

“oh come on chad. you always mentioned it before and you always said you were his wingman.”

“yeah that’s because i didn’t think you were going to actually go out with him. he’s not right for you.”

you narrowed your eyes at him, trying to figure out what he meant by that.

“and what do you mean by that?”

“what i just said. he’s not right for you.”

“oh yeah? then who is?”

“me.”

you laughed when he said that, so loudly that it reverberated off the staircase walls.

“since when?”

chad ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“since forever. angel— i’ve always loved you.”

you stared at him stunned, not knowing what to say. months ago, you would have swooned at the mere thought of him saying something like that. but now, you felt anxiety and melancholy, wrapped together.

“don’t say things like that.”

“it’s the truth.”

“you’re lying.”

“i’m not angel—“

“don’t call me that.”

“but angel—“

“i said don’t call me. that.”

a beat passed, both of you quiet before your brain completely processed it and you started talking.

“ i cant even believe you right now, how could you just tell me this just now? you’re with tara, you have been, she’s been the person you love.”

chad sighed, taking a seat on the step.

“she broke up with me.”

“oh.”

“she said that she could tell i wasn’t as into her as she was into me and she was cool about it. i think she knew i have a thing for you.”

you sat down next to chad, your knees touching each other.

“why would you tell me this now?”

“i just always assumed, that we would always have a chance. i mean how many times have you gotten a partner and it doesn’t work out for one reason or another? and then i’m the only one there. each time.”

“but chad— you knew that ethan liked me, you told me to pursue him, you were the one with the heart eyes at tara.”

he shook his head.

“it was always you. it still is.”

you sighed and lifted his chin, keeping him eye level with you.

“if you had told me this months ago…”

“i would’ve had a chance right?”

“you would’ve been my only one.”

“am i too late? i’ll apologize to ethan, tell him that i was the idiot, that you said yes, you were just confused.”

you took his hand in yours, bringing it to your forehead.

“chad i-“

“don’t.” his voice quivered, and you looked to see his eyes filled with tears.

“i’m so sorry angel.”

he leaned against your arm, his tears soaking the sleeve of your shirt.

“i’m so sorry chad.”

he sniffled, eyes bloodshot meeting yours.

“in another life time do you think we would’ve made it?”

you kissed his hand, letting your stray tears fall as well.

“i think so.”

you both sat in the hall, hearts broken by the choices made and the lingering of what if around you both.

[hollywoodxwhore]

Ours | Chapter 14

Colson x Presley (Original Female Character)

Synopsis: Presley and Colson fell in love accidentally, but they were meant to be. Now that all the obstacles have been removed, they're moving in together in LA. Now, they have all the time in the world for Colson to teach Presley all of the things he knows. This fic is the sequel to Mine, which can be found in my masterlist!

Warnings/Content: angst is sticking around for a bit. big emotions, Presley finding out about Col, swearing, mentions of suicide attempts

This chapter is a little less intense, but it's still heavy. Please take care of yourself and skip if you need to.

Presley

I’m not ready to go home yet. I’m on a high after confronting Megan and getting my proof, but I’m still a little mad at Colson. I need to grab a coffee, maybe, and think about what I’m going to do.

Jason will never agree to play the audio recording for anyone, so I’m going to have to publish it somehow without permission. I’ve gained a lot of followers since being with Colson, so I know people are bound to see it and probably save it, screen record it or something. It will clear Colson’s name and make Megan look like a total idiot.

I drive to Starbucks and grab a venti coffee, then climb into my car and lock the doors. I pull up my phone and trim the audio recording. My mind is racing and so is my heart. I should let Colson know before I do this, but he wasn’t in his right mind yesterday and I doubt he’s any better today. He’ll probably tell me there’s no point. 

I decide to take a little bit more time to myself. I slept like shit last night, and despite this coffee, I know I’ll be able to nap. I take myself back to Cash and Liv’s place. When I get inside, Cash is on the couch playing video games. He glances over at me. “Hey. You okay?”

I nod. “I just need a nap.”

Cash eyes the coffee in my hand. “Good luck with that.”

I shrug half-heartedly. “Thanks again for letting me stay.”

“Of course,” Cash says, pausing his game. He taps his fingers on his thigh. “Hey, Pres?”

“Hm?”

“Have you talked to Colson since you…left?” he asks. 

I shake my head. “No,” I say weakly. “I know I need to, I just…” I push a hand through my hair. Colson hurt me so badly by talking to me that way. I’m not ready to talk to him yet. What if he’s in the same headspace? What if he says more horrible things to me? Emotionally, I can’t handle it right now. 

“Would you mind if…” Cash pauses, chewing his lip. “Would you mind if I went and checked on him? I know you need space and I 100% support that, but I think maybe Colson needs a friend.”

I consider this and my eyes well up with tears. No matter what, I’m so unbelievably sad for Colson. I need to let him know what happened with Megan but I just can’t do it right now. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with the audio.

“Yes. Please do that,” I say. “Thank you, Cash.”

He smiles softly. “Go get some sleep. Love you.”

“Love you, too,” I say, then go to the guest room and pass the fuck out. 

I wake up when the sky is dark. Shit, guess I really needed that nap. I stretch out and reach for my phone. I really need to take it off do not disturb. It’s been that way since I left home almost a full day ago, and at the very least, I need to let Colson know that I’m okay, that we’re okay. We can make it through a fight. I’m confident in that. This is going to fix everything and we can go back to normal. When I get home later, I can explain everything in person and we can decide what to do together. 

I sigh as I turn off do not disturb, finally feeling ready to message Colson. As expected, there are tons of texts and missed calls from him. Even a voicemail. I listen to that first and frown at his voice. He sounds so devastated and guilt stabs me like a knife. But at the same time, he was out of line and I needed space. Cash went over to check on him, but I’m so torn on how to feel. 

I call Colson back but it goes straight to voicemail. I frown and try twice more, but he doesn’t answer. I scroll to our texts, finding a ton of messages pleading for me to come back. Lots of apologies. I text him back but my iMessage won’t go through. I send it as a text message, but worry causes my heart to race. Why is his phone off? Why isn’t he answering? Does he just need space from me or is something else going on? 

Just then, a soft knock sounds on my door. I sit up in bed and call out for the person to come in. Cash appears in the doorway and immediately, I can tell something is wrong. I turn on the lamp and scrutinize him. He looks exhausted and terrified and traumatized. “Cash?” I ask worriedly. “Come here.”

He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, pushing a hand slowly through his hair. His hand trembles as it returns to his lap. “What is going on?” I ask anxiously.

Cash’s lip trembles but he takes a deep breath. “I need you to just listen,” he says, “and not panic because everything is okay now.”

“Cash, what the fuck is going on?” I ask, and my voice is whiny with fear. 

“Colson is staying overnight at the hospital. He’s safe,” Cash says. Instantly, my blood runs cold and my hands start to shake. The hospital?

“Wh-what?” I whimper.

“Just let me get this out. Okay?” he asks, glancing at me before quickly looking away. “When I got over there, he kind of lost it. Broke down. Before I got there…” He pauses, swallowing hard. “If I hadn’t gotten there when I did, he was going to…he was going to take a bottle of pills.”

I blink, stiffening. “Wait.” I try to swallow but my mouth is dry. I scramble out from under the blankets and get up, pacing on shaky legs. “No. No no no,” I whimper, eyes filling with tears. “Oh god, Colson.”

“Presley,” Cash says firmly. I snap my head over so I can look at him. “Let me get this out.” His voice is firm and it shuts me up. I nod. 

“He didn’t take anything,” Cash continues. “I took him to the ER because I was worried. But he instantly regretted his actions. He scared the shit out of himself, Pres.”

I can’t stop shaking and I’m on the verge of a panic attack. My Colson, my sweet husband, thinking there was nothing left, no reason to live. The love of my life, intending to take his own life if my brother hadn’t shown up when he did. I crumple to the floor but I keep my mouth shut. 

Cash gets up and comes over to me, wrapping me in his arms. He scoops me up and brings me back to the bed, cradling me in his arms. “It’s okay, Pres,” he says weakly. “He’s staying overnight and he can come home tomorrow. I really think he’s okay. I think he scared himself enough that he would never dream of doing something like that again.”

“Cash…” Tears spill down my cheeks and I can’t stop them. My body trembles with sobs as I cling to my brother. “This is my fault.”

“Presley, no,” Cash says firmly. He cups my chin roughly so I’ll look at him. “Don’t you dare.”

“If I hadn’t left…”

“If you hadn’t left, then your fight would have escalated,” Cash interrupts. “You both would’ve said things you regretted.”

“Bullshit. This is my fault,” I insist, pushing off of him to get to my feet again. 

“Presley, this is not your fault–”

“How?” I cry, throwing up my hands. “I left him, Cash! I left him when he was at his lowest and then I turned off notifications so he couldn’t even get ahold of me, the one person who he needed to stand by him! How the fuck is this not my fault?” 

“Oh, so you’re just not allowed to have feelings?” he shoots back, getting to his feet. 

My brow furrows. “Huh?”

“So you’re not allowed to be upset about any of this. Megan’s accusations. Colson’s behavior because of said accusations,” he says. “You’re supposed to be perfectly strong for Colson and sacrifice your own mental health.”

“That’s…that’s not…”

“Yes it is, Pres,” Cash says firmly, walking closer to me. “You’re being way, way too fucking hard on yourself.”

“But he was going to kill himself, Cash,” I say miserably, face crumpling again.

“I know,” Cash says. “Hey.” He grabs my chin and turns my head gently so I’m forced to look into his eyes. “Could you have stayed? Sure.” He shrugs. “But something was bound to happen. What happened that made you leave?”

I swallow hard, then explain it to him. Cash nods and sighs. “Anyone in their right mind would have done the same thing as you,” he says gently. “Presley, I don’t care how much you love Colson or how much he was hurting. You didn’t deserve that and you deserved to get some space from the whole thing. No one could blame you for that.”

I slump over, hanging my head, and heave out a huge sigh. “Fuck,” I whimper.

Cash’s hand goes to my shoulder. “It’s okay, Pres,” he says quietly. “None of this is anyone’s fault but Megan’s. If you need to blame someone, blame that bitch.”

“Cash, she confessed,” I say, looking up at him. “That’s where I was this morning when no one could get ahold of me.”

Cash blinks in shock. “Wait, what?”

I nod. “I went to her house,” I explain. “I had my phone recording in my bag. She confessed to the whole damn thing.”

“Let me hear,” Cash says hastily. I pull my phone out and open up to the clip. Cash’s eyes widen and by the end of it, he’s even smiling. “Holy shit. You got her to confess, Presley. What are you going to do?”

“Post it to Instagram,” I say. “Tag her ass. And hope it’s up long enough for people to hear it and not get it taken down.”

“Do it,” Cash says. “Now. Post it right now.”

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Send it to me. I’ll post it, too,” he says. “Hell, we all will. Let me call the others.”

Within half an hour, everyone is at Cash’s place. Ashleigh, Slim, Rook, Baze. Within minutes, everyone has the recording and we sit around the living room, our fingers hovering over the post button.

Cash looks around at us. “Are we ready?”

“Ready,” Slim says.

“Consequences be damned,” Ashleigh says. “This shit ends now.”

“Okay,” Cash nods. “We post in 3…2…1.” 

And now, the clip is out for everyone to hear.

Taglist: @triplexdoublex@jaxbreaker@mgklove99xx@jinx-on-mars-19xx@iamnotanearthlingmotherfucker@anonymousme86@whiteleoqueen@feroniakutenpuu@hxllywoodwhxree

[softness-and-shattering]

Hes casually killed the people knocked out in the elevator too. Im wondering about the casual "yeah shoot em" attitude, its less comical than Paula waving her gun around, and more in character I think as a James Bond type to just be coolly detachedly finishing off enemies. But its a deliberate character choice Jacob is making and Im a little terrified of what the emotional implications are going to be.

Like there is a detachedness, theyre in a movie, none of these characters are real people to them. Maybe not to Dang. Liv is being very thoughtful with everyone. But I wonder if Dang was suddenly given power in Lake Elsinore if he would be this ruthless as well. And the elevator was before everyone rejecting Rashab.

Teenage angst is partly always about powerlessness. Youre not a kid but you cant be an adult yet. From Dang-as-Stocks' very first scene, hes never been treated as competent before. Hes never been treated like an adult, like hes powerful. Of course he likes it.

And everyones had a go at Paula for being all over the place and waving her gun around. I dont think anyones taken note of Dang quietly murdering people while theyre out cold.

And Jacob wants to get to the highest D20 kill count. That could just be it. But the shoe is dangling and Im waiting for it to drop.

Also just. Silly shopping scene, uproarous, and then Dang quietly just "why does it seem like none of you believe in Rashab?". Quiet. Devastating. Instant mood change. Dang walks off and only his uncle notices. If Russel hadnt followed, how long till someone noticed? He wouldve been dead. /Brennan wouldve found a way to not outright kill a PC, give a way for Stocks to survive, but thats a meta-analysis because GMs dont just murder PCs like that. But in-world, they insult Rashab, Dang is upset, Dang disappears. Thats it.

And crucially, does dying in the movie mean dying in real life?

I'm sitting here, just going mildly insane thinking about Dang --

Virgin, Believes in Aliens, takes a PBR in a glass and pours it back into the can, gets mad that nobody else believes in aliens, goes for a ménage à trois, again - virgin, already knows about & is into cucking I guess, totally Rolls with the punches, "Oink, oink" right before a beautiful woman in the most gorgeous lingerie you've ever seen says, "Have total faith in me" then blows a dart into his throat, his Uncle who is a very sexy cat burglar woman pats him on the back to tell him he's still a virgin after he wakes up and both people are incapacitated -- fires once to kill the cuck

He just keeps Rolling

[sincerelyella]

I already requested this from someone else but I love your writing so much and I wanted to request this from you too! After Olivia’s kiss in book 1 in Lythikos, Liam just breezed over it and it wasn’t brought up again. But what if he kissed Ella to prove to her he doesn’t have moment with anyone else?

Book: The Royal Romance AU

Pairings: Liam x MC (Ella); Drake x MC

Summary: Olivia kisses Liam and Ella sees and gets very insecure.

A/N: Thank you for this Anon! I love getting requests. Ya'll really make my day with these. Hope you like it!

A/N2: Participating in @wackydrabbles prompt will be in bold (the correct prompt - I’m a mess!)

@ofpixelsandscribbles and @alyssalauren thank you for prereading, and Lis, for coming up with this title. To @ao719 thank you for reassuring me about the pinky promise. Love you guys!

Warnings: maybe some angst

Words: 1672

Ella and Liam switched partners during the Cordonian waltz in Lythikos.

“Little Blossom, you’re doing gr-”

The crowd around her gasped, Maxwell stopped mid-sentence and gawked. Ella turned and saw Liam and Olivia in the middle of a kiss. Ella’s chest ached, her stomach churned and her eyes welled with tears. She quickly blinked it away, she was not going to cry in front of the entire court.

“El, you okay?”

She vaguely heard Max speaking to her. “I … yes, I’m fine. But I’m a little tired, so I'm going to go to my room.”

“Okay!” He leaned down and kissed her on her head. “I’ll see you later Blossom!”

Max had no idea how that kiss affected her and that’s how she wanted it. She squeezed her friend’s arm and slipped through the crowd to her room.

A little while later, Ella answered her door and there stood Drake with a vase of red rose blossoms in his arms. There was a note hidden in the bouquet from Liam asking to meet him in his suite.

Drake was munching on some candy as he stepped into her room. “Brooks? Did you hear me? Are you going?”

“No,” Ella buried her face in the roses, taking in their scent. “I’m not in the mood right now.”

“What’s going on?” Drake crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Ella until she looked up at him. “You left the banquet early, you’re avoiding Liam … which is odd because you’re all the time locking lips.”

Ella didn’t answer. She just stared back at Drake as she chewed on her bottom lip.

“It’s because Liv kissed him isn’t it?”

Two can play that game.

She stood on her tip-toes and pressed her lips to Drake's. Ella felt his body tense, but after a moment he relaxed and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Brooks," he whispered after he pulled back.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?"

"Kissing you," Ella opened her eyes and met his gaze.

"Why?"

She let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I know how you feel for me and-"

"You're trying to get back at Liam," he arched his brow and let go of her.

“I know it’s really stupid,” she blurted out. “I already know, and I don’t need you to tell me that I’m acting irrationally.”

“Hey,” he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Brooks, it’s not irrational. Well, you kissing me was. But … you know he’s not with anyone else like that but you right?”

“How am I supposed to know that, Drake? You Cordonians are not monogamous.” Ella began to pace the room. “I know that’s why I’m here. For him to … get to know other women but … I forgot the part where I’m in love with him and my chest hurts when I see him with someone else.” With her last words she felt it, her voice wavered and her tears began to fall. She clamped her hand over her mouth in surprise and Drake’s eyes widened.

“Oh shit,” he pulled her to his chest. “Fuck, Brooks, don’t cry.”

“I-I’m … sorry,” she gasped out as she sobbed against him.

“Don’t apologize.” He was stroking her hair and telling her it would be okay. Finally, when she was a bit calmer he pulled away. “Better?”

"Yeah, thank you."

“Alright. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow,” he moved towards the door, opened it, and then turned back. “No more of this crying business okay? That was your only ticket for me to console you."

Ella let out a watery laugh.

"Also,” his eyes softened. "Even though I enjoyed that kiss, I know you love Liam. No more of that alright?"

She nodded. Drake smiled and shut the door behind him.

The next couple of weeks, Ella did her best to avoid Liam. It wasn’t all that difficult, he was busy tending to social season balls and gatherings. Every time Max or Bertrand would tell her Liam was somewhere she would go the opposite way. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, God, she did. With everything in her. But it wasn’t her place to be jealous and insecure, she knew she was here for this. She just wanted to be left alone in her feelings.

The Regatta was rescheduled by the royal family which was unheard of, but it turns out King Constantine’s health wasn't great and he was in the hospital. The court continued to the next stop which was Applewood. Ella, Max, and Bertrand arrived ahead of everyone else and were quickly shown to their rooms.

“I’ll meet you in a bit, Blossom, I gotta unpack and find something to wear.”

Ella nodded and watched him skip off after shutting her door. As she rummaged through her luggage a knock sounded and it startled her. “Max, how did you forget something already?”

She reached for the door, opened and saw a smiling Liam. “Oh!”

“Hello Lady Ella,” he quickly glanced down the hallway. “May I come in please?”

She stepped back, allowed him inside, and shut the door. Ella turned to face him, her heart was beating a thousand times a minute. “Your Highness,” she curtsied. “This is a surprise.”

“Ella,” Liam stepped towards her, concern in his eyes. “Why are you so formal with me? We aren’t outside.”

“I just-”

“Are you avoiding me?” His baby blue eyes gazed into hers and all her resolve dissipated.

“Truthfully, yes,” her voice trembled.

“Why? I’ve missed you, and I apologize for not coming to see you sooner. Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen you since Lythikos and” - Liam’s eyes widened - “Lythikos. This is about that kiss.” It wasn’t a question; he had figured it out without her explanation.

“I know I have no right,” Ella turned away and walked towards the bed to sit before her knees gave way. “You’re not mine,” her voice hitched. “I just needed time alone, that's all.”

Liam’s heart turned over in his chest. He followed her to the bed and kneeled in front of her. “Ella, you have every right to feel how you’re feeling,” she arched her brow and he chuckled. “You heard me. I have been meaning to tell you this but” - he wrapped her small hand in his - “I love you. I have been in love with you for a while now.”

“You …” Ella whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “I love you too, Liam.”

He grinned. “Really?”

“Really really.”

“Promise?” He looked up at her, a vulnerability in his eyes that she never saw before.

“Promise,” she held up her fist, her pinky finger out.

“What is happening?” He asked as he did the same.

“It’s a pinky swear,” Ella’s laughter filled the room as she wrapped her pinky around his.

“Why are we swearing on our pinky’s?”

“You've never done a pinky swear?” The look on his face said it all. “Nevermind,” she shook her head. “So, did you talk to Olivia?”

“I spoke with her outside after she kissed me. I told her she shouldn’t have done that and I don’t return her feelings. I wish you would have talked to me about it.”

“I should have …”

“This is why you didn’t meet me that night.”

Ella nodded.

Liam lifted her hand that was already in his and kissed her knuckles softly. “I’m yours, Ella. I don’t meet anyone outside of these events but you, I don’t kiss anybody else …” his lips traveled up her arm, slowly, ever so slowly. “… and you are mine.”

After hours of Liam proving to Ella that he meant what he said, he slipped out of the room later in the early hours of the morning. The events in Applewood the next day were kind of fun, baking, being crowned Apple Queen, throwing apples at Drake, and then having Liam come to see her that night in her room. Passionate lovemaking was an understatement, especially when a stoic prince that’s supposed to be proper and polite, dirty talks until she explodes.

The next day, the Apple Festival was winding down as Ella sat on the small swing in the garden maze, Liam gently pushing her.

“You seem happy here,” Ella mused as she pushed a strand of hair out of her face.

Liam smiled. “I’m always happy when I’m with you. I love you, Ella,” he leaned down to kiss the top of her head and let out a small sigh. “But it was less … stringent here. My brother and I never wanted to leave.”

“It has a bit more of a relaxed vibe here,” Ella nodded. “I like seeing this happy, carefree side of you.”

“You bring it out of me, you know,” he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her against his chest. “You bring a lot out of me.”

Ella turned and craned her neck up to make eye contact with him. “Like the dirty talking?”

Liam smiled and his cheeks and neck turned red. “I’m not sure what you mean,” he waited a beat. “But yes.”

A loud whistle blew and that signaled the end of the festival.

Ella sighed. “I think that means-”

“It means, we head over to dinner,” Liam pulled her up to her feet and twined his fingers with hers.

“Yeah, but you always go first,” Ella tried pulling her hand away from his but he held on. “Liam, what are you doing?”

“We’re going to dinner together,” he said simply.

“Wh-what?” She stammered. “You can’t … I mean-”

Liam stopped and turned to face her. His facial expression filled with determination and … resolve. “You don’t want to go to dinner with me, my love?”

His nickname for her went straight to her core and it took her a moment to answer. “I-I mean, yes but-”

Her words were cut off by his lips against hers. When he pulled back, her eyes were still closed. “I’m … I don’t remember what I was going to say.”

Liam chuckled and pushed Ella’s hair away from her face. “I don’t care what happens or what they say. My choice is you. I’m telling everyone about us. If this isn’t what you want, say so now.”

“Why are you doing this? You know they’re not going to let that happen before the coronation,” she whispered.

“You felt insecure in how I feel for you; it made me realize that I need to show you that I love you. Sneaking around and hiding my feelings doesn’t help matters. I can’t lose you, Ella. It’s just not a risk I’m willing to take. Will you have me?”

Ella didn’t even have to think about it. “Always,” she smiled and squeezed his hand. “Let’s go.”

[peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology]

The Sanguine Web - Part 1

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy this, it is the first part of my 100 follower special, the other parts are coming shortly. I’ve been really wanting to a Hanahaki fic for awhile so here it is. I also want to do some different soulmate au’s so those will be coming soon! Love you guys so much xx

Warnings: Angst, mentions of death and blood

Summary: You try to figure out how to tell your friends your sick

Prompts

Masterlist

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(y/n)’s pov

“I know this diagnosis is scary, but we’ve got a quite few options now,” Dr. Shaw smiled, though it felt a little backhanded, “Not, the only way we can guarantee your safe recovery is removal of the infection, but the good news there are plenty of doctors in the city who know how to perform the surgery so it wouldn’t take us very long at all to get you in. Alternatively, having your feelings requited will lead to the infection dying off on its own, or, you can try to resolve your own feelings. If you’d rather pursue one of those then a good first step is talking to them, as scary as that may be.”

“Okay,” I have to let everything soak in for just a minute, “Is the surgery risky?” “The actual surgery is very safe, though it will lead to the removal of your feelings for that person. The only real risk is the chance that it prevents you from falling in love in the future.”

“What are the chances that happens?”

“It’s about fifty fifty, and unfortunately there isn’t really a way for us to tell if that will be you, it’s just a risk we have to take,” she clasps her arms in front of her, “I’m not asking you to decide today, you’ve caught this very early so we’ve got a bit of time to figure things out. Until then I can recommend a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, and there’s some antibiotics I can prescribe you that will help slow the infection.”

“Okay, thank you,” I swallow the lump forming in my throat, “I think maybe I’ll try and talk to him and work it out that way.”

She nodded, “Okay, most patients opt to try that first. We can still get you into surgery later if that doesn’t work out.”

“How late can I opt in?”

“Up until the infection starts spreading, once it’s outside of your lungs the surgery won’t do anything. However, if your feelings were to change at that point or your feelings are requited, there is still a chance you’d be able to pull through,” she began scribbling things onto a notepad, “That’s still far off right now, but this disease it unpredictable, so we’ll need you to come in every week for blood work and xrays. We’ll monitor everything very closely so we’ll know if we start getting close to the point of no return so to speak.”

“Alright, I guess straight to the pharmacy then?”

She nodded, “Good girl, and you call us if you need anything. If things feel like they’re accelerating or you start coughing up a lot straight to the hospital okay?”

I nod, “Okay, thank you.”

“Of course, I’ll see you next week.”

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I took the subway to the pharmacy stuck in an odd state of numbness. Part of me wanted to cry, or scream, but I just didn’t do anything. I’m in shock until the woman behind the pharmacy counter begins speaking to me.

“Alright sweetheart what can I do for you?” “Just getting this filled,” I hand her my prescription with a forced smile.

She takes the paper, squinting at it before frowning, “Oh my…” she types a few things and sighs, “I’ll be right back,” I drum my fingers nervously on the counter while I wait for her to return, finally she does carrying a little white bag, “I know this isn’t totally appropriate but I know they only prescribe this for one thing and…” she trails off for a second, starting to blush, “Well my girlfriend had Hanahaki’s too, and she was really scared, but she ended up telling me how she felt and it was great, she recovered just like that,” she offers me a sympathetic smile, “I know this is hard but you should talk to them, I’m sure whoever they are, they’ll at least want to help.”

It’s sweet of her to say, so I thank her and shove the bag in my purse on my way out. I’m sure Peter would want to help, but he’s with someone else, and they love each other. I don’t get to confess and clear things up and live happily ever after. I have to move on, it’s the only option for me. I’m not getting that surgery and risking never falling in love again. That’s not fair. Just because I fell for the wrong person this time I have to never love again? Or die? 

I’m tearing up when I get home, and unfortunately everyone is already over. 

Betty beams at me from the couch, “Hey, how’d it go?”

“Good,” my voice shakes a little, “They think it’s just, um, allergies. I’ve got some pills that should start clearing it up.”

She nods, though all of them look a little concerned, “You’re gonna be okay then right?”

I lie through my teeth, “Nothing life threatening.”

“Okay…” she seems to buy it, but I’m sure she’ll end up drilling me on it later, “You wanna join us then?” “Sure, just, uh, give me a second,” I retreat to my bedroom, dumping my purse and jacket before clutching myself tight. I just want to cry, but I have to wait, everyone’s going to know something is wrong if I try to hide out.

I return to the living room after consoluling myself for a minute, taking a seat besides Betty on the couch, “We ordered pizza,” MJ smiles, “I got that veggie one I was telling you about.”

“Hope it’s good,” I bite my cheek, I feel guilty even talking to her.

“It’s amazing, you’re gonna love it,” she insists. 

Betty’s eyes bore into me suspiciously, “Are they really sure it’s just allergies?”

I nod, “Of course Betty, I promise I don’t need a lung transplant or something.”

“Are you sure?” she presses, “There was blood.”

“Blood?” MJ raises a brow.

Betty nods, “Yeah, she was coughing up blood last night, that’s why she even went to the doctor. It seemed worse than allergies.”

“My throat was just dry,” I try to explain, “I promise I’m fine, it’s just something in the air right now.”

“Okay,” she lets up, “But if you do need a lung transplant I’ve got you.”

“And maybe if you give (y/n) one of your lungs you two will get some sort of psychic connection,” Ned interjected, “I bet they’d make a tv show about you guys.”

Everyone starts laughing, and for the first time that day I let myself glance up at Peter. He’s so pretty, and so is his laugh, but before I can appreciate either of those things I start coughing. It’s an almost instant reminder that I can’t do that. Something tickles in my throat so I quickly stand up.

“Are you okay?” Peter frowns at me. I nod quickly, “Just need some water,” I cover my mouth with my hand as I struggle to pour myself some water. 

I bend over the sink to make sure none of them can see the petal I cough up. I know it must be a begonia. Last finals week was really stressful for me, and in the middle of the week Peter had dragged me away from the cave I was studying in to relax for a while. He took me to this cute little market and bought me some flowers while we were out, begonias.

I shove the petal down the garbage disposal and wash away the blood, I’ll have to figure out what to do when I start coughing up more, full flowers too. 

“Are you sure you're good?” Betty questions when I stand back up, I swear she has xray vision or something. 

“Yeah, better now,” I take a big swig of my water, “I’ll be good as new in a few days.”

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“Make yourself comfortable,” Dr. Morrison picks a notebook up off her desk. She seems very nice, I just hope she’ll be able to help me work through some of my feelings, “I’m really glad you came here, therapy can be scary, especially in your situation, so coming here is already a step in the right direction.”

“Thanks, I’m still a little nervous, but anything to help.”

She gives one kurt nod and glances down at her notepad, “Absolutely. I’d like to know what your intention is here so I can know how to help you best. Do you intend to get surgery?” I shake my head, “No, I’m not gonna get the surgery. I want to just try and move on.”

“Alright, is this person aware of your feelings?”

I shake my head, “No, he’s with someone else so that isn’t really an option for me.”

She nods, “Okay, can I ask his name?”

“Peter.”

“Peter,” she repeats, scribbling a few things down, “Are you two close?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.”

“Is he aware that you're sick?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”

“Why’s that?”

“I know they’d ask who and I don’t know what to tell them yet, and it’s still new. I mean I want to tell them eventually, but I think I still need some time.”

“Of course, you need to process everything first, that’s perfectly reasonable. I do encourage you to tell them though, having a good support system is going to help you feel a lot better, and you can always let them know you just don’t feel comfortable telling them who it is.”

“I will.”

She smiled, “So, what do you like about Peter?”

I blush, “Everything I guess, he’s smart and he’s funny and I always feel really good when I’m with him. I don’t know, we just kind of click.”

“You two spend a lot of time together?”

I nod, “Yeah, we hang out all the time, I probably see him more than my actual roommate.”

“How would you feel about spending less time together?”

“He’s my best friend, why would I do that?”

“Separation is going to help you move on, I’m not saying stop being friends or avoid him, but giving yourself space from him is going to be good for you.”

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I feel like therapy went well, I feel more hopeful when we finish, although I’m definitely tired. She told me the goal is to get me really comfortable with my feelings so I can move on. I decided to set myself a goal afterwards, I want to tell Betty before my next session, a week from today. I can’t hide it from her for too long anyway, we live together after all, and she’s already convinced there’s something more than just allergies going on. I debate even telling her when I get home, but Peter and Ned are in the living room, and I’m still not sure I’m ready.

“Hey,” Peter smiles to me as I walk in, “How was work?” “Fine. I didn’t realize you guys were coming over.”

“Oh yeah, we’re going to the movies. You should come, MJ is gonna meet us there.”

Dr. Morrison said separation is good, and I don’t really want to be their fifth wheel anyway.

“I think I’ll stay home,” I clutch my purse nervously, “Thanks for offering though.”

His lips pulled to a slight frown, “You sure? MJ picked some weird art film, it’d be more fun if you came.”

“Yeah, work was actually pretty tiring and I still have a bit of homework…”

“Okay,” his cheeks just barely dust pink, “Next time then?”

I nod, “Of course, you guys have fun,” I scurried to my room as quick as I could.

I don’t know what exactly made me start crying, I mean I’ve cried every night this week so maybe it’s just the overwhelming feelings again, but I think it was Peter. I don’t want to have to pull away from my best friend, I just wish I loved him the way I was supposed to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, it just makes me feel gross. 

I end up hiding out until they leave, then I return to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and comfort food. I calm down a bit, but I’m still a little teary eyed when I pass out on the couch. I don’t know how long I get to sleep for, but what ends up waking me up is the front door opening. I peer through groggy sleepy eyes, expecting to find Betty, ready to scold me for not going to bed.

What I didn’t expect was Peter. 

He bent down beside me and set a hand on my cheek, “Wake up sleepy head, I know this couch isn’t that comfortable.”

“Hey,” I yawn before rolling onto my back, I push my arms up in an attempt to push the sleepiness out of my body, “Where is everyone?”

“Betty is back at mine and Ned’s, I came by just to talk to you, but it can wait,” he smiles and offers me a hand, “Come on bunny, I’ll take you to bed.”

I shake my head, “I’m up, what did you want to talk about?”

He blushes, “Let me help you to bed first.”

“I’m a big girl Peter, I can put myself to bed. What’s on your mind?”

He sits besides me with a sigh, “It wanted to make sure you’re okay, you’ve just seemed a little off this week.”

“It’s just allergies P, I’ll feel better in no time.”

“I don’t think so,” he frowns, “I don’t think allergies forget how to talk to your best friend.” 

“I didn't, I just don’t feel very good.”

“Are you sure? You know you can tell me if you’re upset with me or something…”

I laugh, “Peter why would I be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off every time I’ve seen you this week.”

“Well it’s not you Peter, I just don’t feel very good. If I were upset with you I would just tell you.”

“Okay,” he accepts my answer though he doesn’t seem totally satisfied by it. Who am I kidding? It’s Peter, he always knows when something’s up. “You know I’m always here for you right?”

I nod, “I’m here for you too Peter.”

He wraps an arm around my neck and kisses the top of my head, “We could hang out for a little while, play some games or something.”

“I’m still pretty tired, I think I’m just gonna go to bed,” I blush as I stand, “Maybe some other time.”

His smile falls but he nods, “Okay, but it has to be soon. I miss hanging out.”

“Soon,” I agree, “I miss it too.”

He stands and pulls me into a hug, placing another kiss on the top of my head, “I’m sorry about whatever’s going on, you know I love you tons.”

It takes every ounce of my willpower not to burst into tears, to not break down and just tell him the truth. I can’t though, I know I can’t. It’s not his fault he doesn’t love me the way that would fix everything, he loves someone else and I want that for him, even if it makes me jealous, even if it kills me. I just want Peter to be happy. 

“I love you too.”

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This morning Betty nearly caught me tossing a petal out the window, making it very clear that I’ll have to tell her soon. I’d much rather tell her than have her just find out, I just don’t know how. I think I should just sit her down and tell her, but I just want to sugar coat it somehow, make it seem better than it is. I’m trying to figure out some way to do that when I get called up to the pharmacy counter. I barely even realize I know the girl behind the counter this time. Adeline, MJ’s roommate.

“Oh hey,” she smiles to me, “Are you okay with me filling your prescription? I can totally grab someone else.”

I know she’ll know if I let her fill the prescription, it’s a little scary, but there’s enough separation between us that it feels okay, like a warm up.

“I don’t mind,” I smile back, “Just don’t tell everyone about the pills I’m popping.”

She laughs, “I’ll keep it to myself,” she turns to her computer, typing away before squinting at the screen, then it seems to hit her, “(y/n)...” she turns to me with a frown, “Do you?...”

I nod, “Yeah, but like I said, don’t tell anyone.”

“Of course,” she pursed her lips, “I’ll be right back.”

It was worse than I thought, Adeline and I aren’t super close, we get along, but we never hang out outside of group get togethers or parties. I didn’t expect her to look so upset or concerned, I thought she’d just tell me she was sorry, that she hoped I got better. It makes me scared of how everyone else is going to react.

“Here you go,” she frowned as she passed the little white bag to me, “You haven’t told anyone?”

I shake my head, “Not yet.”

“Really? Not even Betty, o-or Peter?”

“No one, I’m going to, just kind of figuring out how.”

She nods, “Yeah, I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m gonna get better, it’s just a little scary for now.”

“Of course,” she smiles, but it’s one of those sad smiles I have a hard time looking at, “I, um, if there’s anything I can do just let me know. I could help you tell everyone,” she blushed suddenly, “When you’re ready of course. Just, uh, maybe it’d be easier to get it out of the way all at once you know?”

“Thank you.” It’s not a bad idea actually, maybe it would be easier than telling everyone individually. Then I just have to explain it once and answer all the questions once. I don’t have to answer all the questions over and over. It might balance out the reactions too. “That might be nicer actually, and you could probably help explain the medical stuff a bit more.”

She nodded, “Yeah, definitely, I mean do it however you need to, but if I can help in any way just let me know.”

“Thanks Adeline, I’ll think about it,” I give her an awkward little wave as I walk away.

I start making a pros and cons list in mind, weighing both of my options to try and figure out the best way to go about this, of course my thoughts are then interrupted by a phone call. Peter.

He’s been trying to get together, and this time I really have been avoiding him, following the advice of my therapist. I don’t know if it’s helping, I think about him just as much, the thoughts are just sadder now, but it’s what I have to do. My therapist knows how to get me better, and I have to get better or I’ll never get to see him, or anyone. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that, I hate lying to him. 

“Hello?”

“Hey bunny,” he sounds chipper as ever, “How are you?”

“Good, how are you?”

“Well I’m okay right now, but I would be a thousand times better if you came over and helped me study?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry,” I glance around me, trying to think of something, “I have to go grocery shopping.”

“How about I come help you then?”

“I thought you needed to study?”

“I do but,” he pauses for a minute, “I know you said you aren’t avoiding me, but you know it went from not talking as much to suddenly we haven’t even seen each other in days.”

“Well why do we need to hang out all the time anyway? Just go hang out with MJ.” 

I don’t mean to sound as angry as I do, I’m just so frustrated. It’s not easy keeping this all to myself.

He stays quiet and then sighs. “You’ve been acting weird since you went to the doctor, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’m worried about you.”

“Nothing’s going on Peter,” I frown and wrap an arm around myself, “I’m just busy today alright?”

“You’re busy everyday.”

“I’m not, I’m just busy right now…” I sigh and hang up, I just don’t really know what to say to him.

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After my awkward phone call with Peter I decided it would be best for me to tell everyone at once. I just need to get it out of the way, rip the bandaid off. So I texted Adeline, and she proposed that she and MJ would have everyone at their place to hang out today. She said it was gonna just be dinner and some party games, and everyone agreed to go. I told Betty and Ned I’d meet them there so I’d have a bit of alone time to get ready. I wanted just a bit alone just to prepare what I’m going to say and everything, I want this to go well. I want to walk into therapy tomorrow and tell her all about how I told my friends and I have this amazing support system.

A coughing fit interrupts my attempt to hype myself up in the mirror, it’s much more violent than they have been. The petals tickle a bit, and there’s usually a bit of blood, but it’s never like this. As a bit of blood splatters in the sink I hear what I assume is Betty coming back to retrieve some forgotten item. I kick the bathroom door closed and hope she just ignores me. Instead the door almost instantly starts creaking open.

“I’m fine!” I lean over the sink, trying to cover it with my hair, “Just give me a second!” I choke on my words.

The hand that’s set on my back is distinctly not Betty’s, “Jesus Christ are yo-” Peter stops mid sentence, just as the full flower falls out of my mouth, followed by a streak of blood. The full ones are much harder to cough up than the petals.

“I’m fine,” I quickly try to think of someway to explain this, “That was just in my hai-”

He seizes my wrist as I attempt to turn on the sink and wash away the evidence, “Did you cough up that flower?”

I flush, “Did you break into my house?”

“Betty gave me her keys so I could pick you up and figure out why you’ve been avoiding me! Now tell me what the hell is going on!” he demanded in the most concerned, Peter-like way he possibly could. 

I take a deep breath, glancing at the mess in the sink before I finally answer, “I have Hanahaki’s disease.”

His eyes dart between me and the sink, seeming to debate his next words carefully, “How long have you known?”

“About two weeks.”

“Were you even going to tell me?”

I nodded, “I was going to tell everyone tonight.”

He dropped my wrist and pushed a hand through his hair, I couldn’t even look him in the eyes, “W-Well it’s not that bad right? I mean there’s surgery, a-and I’m sure if you just talk to him he probably feels the same way.”

“He’s with someone else Peter, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t also love you.” When I finally did meet his eyes they were glossy, and his cheeks were red.

“He doesn’t Peter, I just have to move on.”

“I’m sure he does, just tell me who and we ca-”

“I’m not telling you who he is. This isn’t his fault and I don’t want anyone to blame him or make him feel bad about it.”

“It is his fault!” he snapped before sighing, “Okay fine, you don’t want to talk to him, but there’s still surgery right? I know surgery is scary but this one’s pretty safe isn’t it?”

I nod, “It is, but there’s the risk of me not being able to love anyone again, so I’m not getting the surgery.”

“What?”

“I’m not getting the surgery, I’m just going to have to move on.”

“Okay but if that doesn’t work you’re going to get the surgery right?”

My cheeks dust pink as I shake my head, “No.”

His jaw is locked, his whole body tense, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that angry. “You have to get it.”

“I’m not getting the surgery Peter, but you don’t need to worry about me, I’m gonna move on and get better.”

“Are you kidding me?!” he snaps, “Telling me you’ll get better isn’t good enough! I understand if you want to try and move on first, but if that doesn’t work then you’re getting that surgery.”

“I’m not getting it at all Peter.”

“So you’re just going to die?!” his bottom lip started quivering, it startled me, I didn’t expect anyone to cry, “I’m not going to lose you just because some asshole doesn’t love you back! It’s not fair and I’m not letting it happen!”

“It’s not your choice Peter,” I hug myself because I have no idea what else to do, “Nothing is going to happen to me, I’ll be able to move on and I’ll be just fine. But, if for some reason that doesn’t happen, I really need you to respect my decision on this.”

A couple tears fell down his cheeks and he shook his head, “You cannot ask me to just sit back and watch you die.”

“I’m not, Peter I am going to be fine. I’m on medication that helps slow it down, and I’m seeing a therapist who specializes in Hanahaki’s, she’ll help me move on and I’ll be okay.”

“That isn’t good enough. There’s no guarantee you get better that way and that isn’t good enough for me.”

“I’m sorry Peter, but I can’t give you any other answers. I’m not getting the surgery, even if that kills me. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, and I’m so sorry, but that’s all I can give you.”

A few more tears escape and he pulls me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went to my waist. We stay that way for a second, he rests his head atop mine while I wonder what to do. I don’t really know how to make him feel better, I don’t even know if I can.

Peter is the one to finally break the silence. “Who is he?”

“It’s not important Peter.” “Yes it is! You think he’s worth dying over!” his voice cracks and I pull away. It’s really hard to see him cry, and I can feel my own eyes starting to sting at the sight. “You won’t even reconsider it for your best friend so I wanna know what’s so fucking great about him.”

I start crying while I realize I can’t ever tell anyone it’s him. I can’t risk Peter finding out, I don’t ever want to put that on him. “It’s not about who he is Peter, I just don’t want to risk never falling in love with anyone ever again. I know some people are okay with that, but I’m not, love is important to me and I don’t think I’d ever be totally happy knowing I couldn’t have that. None of this is on him, he’s a really great guy, I love him a lot and I know you would to. I don’t want anyone to blame him or be upset with him or anything.”

“Well I hate him,” he snapped, “And it doesn’t matter what you say about him. My mind is made up and I think he’s a dick.”

“You can feel however you need Peter, but he’s a good person, the best I know,” I wiped his eyes, “Can you please keep this just between us for me? I really need to tell everyone on my own terms.”

“I won’t say anything,” he promised before pulling me to him again, “Do you think we could just ditch tonight? I really want to talk, just us, and I want to know what’s going on. I need to be able to help however I can.”

 I nodded, “Yeah, I can make something up.”

He nuzzled his nose against the top of my head before pressing a kiss to the same spot, “Thank you.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　　 ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I ended up texting Adeline, who assured me she’d cover for us so we didn’t have to stress out about it. Peter watched my every move while I washed the blood out of the sink and threw the flower out of my bedroom window. Luck for me, he didn’t notice what kind of flower it was, or at least he didn’t comment on it. Actually he just sat on the edge of my bed, honestly I think he was just too caught up in his own thoughts to actually process what was going on. 

“So, did you have some questions?” I asked as I closed my window and took a seat besides him. He nodded, “Yeah, a few. Do you have some kind of timeline of how it’s going to progress?”

“Well the medicine I’m taking will slow everything down, right now it seems like mine is slow moving and my doctor thinks I’ll have a few months, but it’s really unpredictable. Things could get worse very quickly, but she said that’s pretty unlikely in my case. The coughing will get worse and there will be a lot more flowers and blood, but physically I’ll be pretty okay until the end. As for healing, I have until pretty much the last moments for my feelings to be reciprocated or to move on.”

“What about the surgery?”

“They’re able to perform it until the infection moves outside of my lungs. If I get to that point they’ll hospitalize me, but it won’t get to that point.”

“How long would you have if it did?”

“A few days max, I mean they’ll do everything they can to keep me going as long as possible, but there isn’t much they can do at that point.”

He clenched his hands and gave one stiff nod, “You said your therapist specializes in this?”

“Yeah, and she’s really great, she’s going to help me move on and sort out my feelings and all that. She does a lot of work with patients and their families, and she’s got a really good reputation. I really like her so far.”

“Do you think it’s helping so far?” “Well I’ve only gone once so far, but I feel like I can do this. You can look her up if you want, her name is Raina Morrison.”

“I will,” he assured before taking my hands in his, “Are you going to see her again soon?”

“Yeah, tomorrow actually. That’s why I wanted to tell everyone tonight.” He blushed, “I mean it’s still good you told someone right?”

I nodded, “I think so. It was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be.” 

I’m a little nervous about seeing her now, I’m worried that telling Peter wasn’t good. She told me separation was a good thing, that it will help me move on, I’m worried I won’t be able to do that now. Peter’s really protective, he cares a lot about everyone, I really love that about him, and I don’t know if I have the heart to tell him that we can’t spend time together. I don’t even know what explanation to give him now.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have freaked out on you like that. I’m sure it’s not good for you.”

“It’s okay, having you guys know will be better for me, I need to have my friends support in this, it’ll make everything easier.”

“Maybe we can just love you enough that he won’t matter anymore,” the smile he gives is weak and forced, he still looks like he might cry again.

I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. I know he loves me plenty, it’s just not the right kind of love.

“Thank you Peter,” I just ended up hugging him again.

He held me tight against his chest, “If you wanted I could help you talk to everyone, even if you end up doing it one on one. Maybe it would be easier to have me there.” 

“It’d be nice to have you there,” I pulled away to keep from crying again, “You, uh, you’ll get it now if I’m a little evasive right?”

A look of confusion overcame his face, “No. What reason could you possibly have to avoid me now?” his bottom lip started quivering again, “You might not… No, I won’t get it, we should be spending every second together that we can.”

“I need alone time to process my feelings, that’s how I’ll get better.”

“Then I won’t say anything!” his cheeks had flushed again in an instant, “I can sit there and be quiet and do nothing, but I need to be there for you. I need to spend as much time with you as I can…”

“Peter you don’t need to start savoring your time with me or make all these precious memories or anything like that. I’m gonna get better,” I squeezed his hands tight and smiled to him, “And it would help a lot if you believed that too, because right now it kind of seems like you’ve already decided I’m going to die.”

“I do believe that, I know you’ll get better,” he sighed, “B-But what if something happens? What if you’re all alone and you just need someone? I should be here, I want to be here.”

How was I ever supposed to argue with that? I can’t tell him he can’t be here for me, I don’t want to tell him he can’t.

“Maybe we should watch a movie or something before we start crying again?”

He nodded and cleared his throat, “Good idea. Maybe something funny?”

“Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

We threw on some supposedly funny movie, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I don’t know if Peter was, but he seemed out of it too. We just sort of stared at the screen until everyone came back to my place. I had to get up from where I was laying with Peter and pretend I had food poisoning as Adeline told them. Really I just wanted to go to bed, the day had been extremely draining.

“Hey guys,” I smiled at them, doing my best to look sickly. 

Betty smiled sympathetically to me, “Hey, you feeling any better?”

I nod, “Yeah, I threw up a bit but I think I can just sleep it off. Don’t worry, Peter has babied me plenty.”

 “Well between that and the cough I think you need a little babying,” she wiggled a small container at me, “I brought you left overs for when you feel better.”

“I brought some for you too,” MJ added, flashing Peter a smile, “There in the car.”

“Thanks,” his cheeks dusted pink and I just prayed he wouldn’t give anything away, “I think I’m gonna stay with (y/n) tonight though, just in case she gets worse.”

“I’m sure she’s had enough of you hovering for one night Peter,” her smile dropped almost instantly, “I thought we were hanging out.”

I wonder if they’ve been fighting or something. A wave of guilt washes over me for avoiding Peter, for not asking if there was something he needed to talk about too. 

“We were together last night,” he frowned at her, “You know (y/n) and I haven’t hung out in awhile, and she’s sick, I should stay with her.”

“You two hung out all night and I’m sure her best friend and roommate is more than capable of making sure she doesn’t die in the middle of the night.”

Peter’s jaw clenches and I interject in the fear they may start arguing if I don’t, “Yeah, I mean thank you for taking care of me, but I’ll be fine. I’m probably just going to go to bed anyway, you should go hang out with MJ.”

His cheeks dusted pink and he nodded, “O-Okay, just as long as you're good…”

“I’m good,” I assured, “It’s been a long night, I really just want to get some sleep.”

MJ smiled, “See? You’re driving her crazy, just let the girl get some sleep.”

“I’m just taking care of her,” he snapped.

We were all quiet, Peter and MJ are always so mellow. I mean they act like they’ve been married for forty years, they don’t really fight. As long as I’ve known them they’ve just been… 

Stagnant I guess.

“Well she just said she doesn’t need to be taken care of so no need to smother her, right (y/n)?”

I just nod, “Yeah, I’m good. Peter go hang out with girlfriend, I don’t need to be babysat.”

He frowned, a small huff left his lips before he nodded, “Sure, whatever, let’s just go,” he gave me an awkward sort of side hug and called, “Text me!” before leaving with MJ, both seeming annoyed with the other.

Part 2

[samwithnoplan]

A Big Step ~ A.R. x O.B.

aka an established!rolivia short drabble where Amanda wants to hold Olivia’s hand but is afraid to ask (which evolves into Amanda admitting to pieces of her past)

(+ slightly more angst than i intended)

tw: brief mention of child abuse and neglect in a single paragraph but not described

It was a big step, Amanda thought to herself, as she eyed the object of her current attention. She could feel her fingers itching and she just barely resisted the urge to reach out and allow her fingers to do what they wanted—to allow them to run across a callused hand before carefully interlocking fingers together to hold. Maybe it wasn’t the big deal Amanda was making it out to be because, then again, they were just hands, albeit hands larger than an average woman’s own and slender, the skin tan and the surface of the hands slightly callused—nothing like Amanda’s small, smooth (and rather pale) own.

Amanda bit her lip, lost in thought, hand twitching at her side as she wondered how Olivia’s hand would feel interlaced with her own.

Would her hand be cool and clammy?

Warm and rough?

Would holding Olivia’s hand ease the feeling of anxiety settling in her chest?

Would Olivia even want to hold hands with her, here in the openness of the park where anyone can see them?

She clenched her hand, fingers digging into the fabric of her jeans in a tight grip and knuckles turning white.

She was being ridiculous.

Her mother’s words to her about how physical affection was just the “show” part of relationships filled her head and she resisted the urge to scoff.

Maybe her mother had been right after all, or maybe—because she loathed to call her mother right—it was her mother that had been wrong.

Still, Amanda couldn’t bring herself to ask or even hint towards what she wanted, instead allowing her hand to hang stiffly by her side and curl into her jeans so she doesn’t unconsciously reach over and grab.

It wouldn’t do good for Amanda to just take.

It would be selfish, she reminds herself, eyes trailing away from tan hands to focus on two little figures on the playground screaming and running around.

Despite her mood, she couldn’t help but smile, lips turning up at the corners of her mouth and eyes crinkling as she watched Noah and Jesse play together. Sometimes, it took Amanda’s breath away at how well Olivia and Noah fit into hers and Jesse’s lives. Noah and Jesse were good together, Noah fitting into the role of older sibling with ease, and Olivia was a godsend when it came to wrangling Jesse into bed at night and keeping up with her constant energy and questions throughout the day. The four of them coexisted together with ease and Amanda thanked whoever was in charge for that fact.

Together, they were a family—a family that didn’t live together and that consisted of two women, each with their own child (+ a dog), and a history of trauma in both womens’ pasts that they were still working through, but a family no less.

They were a family and family came with its own set of risks, but a good outcome can’t exist if risk isn’t taken, even if one half of the relationship is afraid of the changes new things will bring.

Amanda steeled herself, stiffening and not looking away from the kids as she allowed her hand to journey out, blindly brushing against Olivia’s.

A beat of silence followed by a pause in Amanda’s movement, followed by a sharp inhale of breath as Amanda reached out once more, trying again—hand clumsily missing Olivia’s own by a brush of air.

Amanda felt her face go red and ducked her head, on the way of withdrawing her hand when a slight brushing against the back of it caused her to freeze.

She exhaled shakingly, eyes trailing down and widening as warm fingers gripped hers firmly and surely, but also so overwhelmingly gentle, the larger hand enveloping her own as her fingers were carefully interlaced by Olivia’s until their palms touched.

Amanda couldn’t help but look up, eyes meeting brown. She flushed at the gentle look in the older woman’s eyes and absent-mindedly she could feel the hand that was intertwined with Olivia’s own trembling.

At the feeling, Olivia’s eyebrows scrunched together and she squeezed Amanda’s hand, eyes never straying from Amanda’s but keeping the other half of her attention on the kids as she asked softly, “hey, are you okay?”

A pause as Amanda exhaled, teeth worrying her bottom lip as she struggled with what to say.

Olivia waited on her answer, patiently, hand never loosening its firm grip and other hand coming to join it, Amanda’s hand ending up being cradled between Olivia’s two.

Amanda felt her lower lip trembling as she opened her mouth only to falter, quickly snapping her jaw shut and turning to face the kids once more. So many things she could possibly say raced through her mind, but vulnerability made it where she knew she couldn’t say anything to Olivia’s face yet.

It was too much but she knew, logically, that she had to say something.

Her eyes trailed to Jesse and she steeled herself, mouth opening as she shakingly whispered, absent-mindely feeling Olivia slide closer to her in order to hear her better. “My mama used to tell me something, when I was younger,” her southern twang came out stronger than usual and she winced, recognizing it as a sign of how upset she was, “I asked her once why her and my daddy never showed affection in public…never held hands.”

Olivia hummed, voice coming out soft and sweet, “and what did she say?”

Amanda laughed, thinking back to how naive she was then, staring up at her mother and inquiring about their relationship, “she said that relationships weren’t about affection” and honestly, that one line explained Amanda’s entire childhood.

Olivia’s grip on her hand tightened and her voice came out, careful, “and your relationship with your parents?”

Amanda paused. There it was again—vulnerability. To talk about her past would leave Amanda raw, but it would also probably help Olivia understand a lot about why Amanda acted the way she did sometimes.

Amanda squeezed her hand back.

“Affection wasn’t allowed in the household,” she admitted, voice unconsciously small and shaky, lips attempting to quirk up in a forced grin, “unless the occasional slaps when daddy got drunk count.”

A sharp inhale sounded beside her followed by Olivia’s hands releasing hers. Amanda faltered, the word sorry about to tumble out of her lips before Olivia tugged her closer, pulling the blonde into her side. The blonde froze, eyes widening as Olivia’s arms snakes its way around her waist in a tight embrace.

They were still facing the kids but Amanda’s front was pressed against Olivia’s back and the older woman’s hand rubbed soothing circles into Amanda’s side in response to her stiffness, the brunette softly brushing a kiss against her temple. The blonde melted, head coming to lay against the older woman’s shoulder, sighing.

“Affection isn’t a bad thing, sweet girl,” Olivia explained in her ear, humming softly, “every human needs, and deserves, affection and I’m sorry you never got that but thank you so much for telling me.” Olivia paused, obviously debating her next words before deciding to say them anyways, ���I don’t want you to be afraid to show me affection. Sure, we should withhold it at work but that’s for professional reasons until we’re ready to tell everyone.”

Amanda sighed, “I know, Liv. I just—it’s hard, you know? I can’t just unlearn my entire childhood in a few months.”

Amanda could feel Olivia’s head nodding as the brunette led them to lightly sway side from side, the brunette brushing a quick kiss to the back of Amanda’s shoulder. “Of course, sweetheart. No rush. We’re learning together, one step at a time.”

Amanda couldn’t help but agree, grinning genuinely this time as she watched Noah tag Jesse and take out running as Jesse began to chase him, “yeah, we are.” Her hand slid around one of Olivia’s arms, squeezing affectionately.

It would take a while, sure, but, no matter what, they would have each other and the kids, and Amanda wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world and, wrapped in Liv’s embrace, knew the older woman wouldn’t either.

They would be fine (and turns out, Amanda discovered the next time they were in public and she grabbed Olivia’s hand to hold, she did, in fact, take a big step in holding Olivia’s hand that day but ultimately, it was the right step to make).

[capricornwriter5]

Is this healthy or toxic? - Chapter 15

Pairing: Changkyun x female OC

Genre: smut, fluff, angst, sad with happy ending. Warning: soft drugs, explicit, violence

Words: 6k; Chapters: 16

Summary: What began as a casual relationship ended up becoming the most important thing for Changkyun. While fighting for his relationship, the rapper faces his greatest insecurities with the help of the love of his life and other members of Monsta X.

Chapter 15 - Can we...?

That afternoon the traffic was worse than ever, or maybe it was that Changkyun was so urgent to get to the cafeteria where Liv was waiting for him, that every red light where he had to stop seemed an eternity. The singer couldn't remember the last time the nervousness took control over his body; however, since he opened Liv's message his head and stomach ached. Just the idea of seeing again his girl made him dizzy. He was so anxious that his fingers couldn't stop playing with the car crank. There were so many things he wanted to say to Liv that he didn't know where to start, and the pressure of knowing that that would be his only chance to talk had the rapper extremely worried, he couldn't miss that opportunity, much less screw things again.

With a few streets to go, the cars were not moving forward and I.M was already losing his mind. He tried to write Liv to ask her to wait a little longer, and he realized the cellphone was at home.

"Fuck!" He said thinking about what to do.

It would be a miracle if the girl was still there, hours had passed, I.M couldn't make her wait any longer but the cars just weren't moving and it was raining cats and dogs, walking did not seem like a option.

A few minutes passed when Changkyun decided to park the car on the sidewalk, and without thinking about the rain, he got out and ran as he could. When he got to the cafeteria, he felt that his heart was going to jump out of his mouth. However, I.M couldn't see Liv and immediately thought she had gone. Once again his world was falling apart, he just couldn't have ruined things with Liv again. He would never forgive himself for losing the only chance Liv was giving him.

Just when the rapper was trying to think how to find her, Changkyun saw her. She was sitting with her back to him at the only table outside the cafeteria, a little table under a slim roof. Suddenly, his legs stopped working, he stayed static where he was for a few seconds, but he remembered how much he had worked on himself, he could not let insecurity win over him that time, he could not let himself be blamed for what he had not done, not again, so he started to move.

Liv was looking at her cell phone waiting to get a message from I.M, she had been doing that since morning. In the beginning, Liv convinced herself that Changkyun was busy, it was just a matter of waiting, but when the hours started to pass and the message did not even appear as read, she thought he had changed the number. However, Liv waited. Her heart skipped a beat when her message appeared as read, but a notification with an answer never reached her cell phone and the girl had begun to lose hope, after all, she couldn't blame him for not wanting to answer.

Olivia had no idea why she was still there, it have passed hours since I.M read her text. For any other person it would be cristal clear that Changkyun wound't appear at the cafeteria, but not for her, who was clinging to a little string of hope.

For a moment, frustration overcame her, and just as she breathed and covered her face with her hands, she heard the chair in front of her moving, and when Liv took her hands away from her face, she saw Changkyun taking a seat. When the two were face to face and their gazes met, they both reacted exactly the same, they smiled in the same way, a tender, sincere, but sad smile that showed how much they missed each other all that time. Both changed a lot, especially the rapper, the numerous nights without sleeping and his hair longer than before made him look older. Moreover, he had trained a lot and his body looked much bigger. Changkyun also saw the change in Olivia, who, unlike him, wore shorter hair. Her look was no longer that of a daring girl without fear of challenges, she looked more mature, even melancholic. However, when the two of them smiled at the same time, they found the same person from before.

"You came"

"I'm sorry to make you wait, I came as soon as I saw your message but there was a lot of traffic and..."

"You got out of the car and got wet." Liv said laughing a little as she took off her scarf and gave it to him. "Use it, you're going to get sick." I.M looked down and realized that there were two drinks on the table, not just Liv's. "I just ask the waitress to warm it, it's yours."

"Thank you" I.M took the coffee and took a sip, it was at that moment that Liv could see his ex's hands shaking. She couldn't help but remember that they were shaking just as hard the day he looked for her in the hotel room before breaking up. "On my way here I was thinking about all the things that I wanted to say to you, but I forgot them all." He confessed touching his own neck, something Liv knew he did when he was nervous. I.M had already seen how many times the girl had taken off her rings and he understood she was as uneasy as him. "Your text shocked me, didn't expect it."

"I know, I really doubted whether to send it to you or not, I didn't want to bother you."

"You didn't." They could feel the tension surrounding them; but despite everything, they weren't uncomfortable with each other, it was just that the couple had no idea how to handle that first encounter.

"Congratulations on your album, I heard you are doing great. You must be very proud, it was a wonderful job."

"Did you hear it?" I.M asked directly, especially because all the songs were for her.

"Of course I did." Liv sighed and looked at the drink he had in his hands. "Partly that's why I'm here." When Changkyun heard that, he put the drink aside and his heart was pounding so hard that he could swear that Olivia would notice. That was what he wanted to hear the most, that Liv had heard his songs and would be back with him. "I need to apologize."

"What?" Liv could barely hear the rapper's voice, clearly  what she said was not what he was expecting. "Apologize?"

"The last day we talked I told you horrible things, things that are not true. I didn't want to hurt you, please forgive me."

"Liv, that's not what hurt me. Don't apologize for what you told me that day, I deserved it, I was an idiot and..."

"No, wait, let me talk, please. I told you that you didn't know how to love and I told you that you were not an honest person and that is not true. Changkyun, a lot happened that day and I took it out on you. I didn't give you an explanation of why I was leaving, for more than two years you didn't know what happened and..."

"I made a huge mistake. Liv, I fucked up everything between us." He said interrupting her before she continued apologizing. "You were my girlfriend, you were by my side, you supported me, you were wonderful from day one, the least I should have done was defend you and I didn't. I'll never forgive myself for what I did. You were right in everything you told me." He said causing Liv to lower her gaze again.

"That doesn't matter anymore."

"Please don't tell me that, Liv, let me apologize, I need to do it too. You didn't give me a chance to do it, let me do it today." He begged, getting a little closer to her. "I'm sorry for having been a coward, for letting them talk about you like that, forgive me for being so selfish our whole relationship and for not been half the person you deserved. I'm deeply sorry for not showing you that I trusted you. Liv, I'm sorry to have made you think that I didn't know how to love, or make you think that only you were fighting for our relationship. Forgive me for not being more open to you and being so insecure for so long."

Liv listened to him and at times she could not believe that he was the same Changkyun from before, because he had never been so honest about his feelings. "Please forgive me for all the damage I did to you when you heard that. Liv, I'm sorry for every tear I made you shed and for making you feel like leaving was the only option. I know how much you trusted me and I failed you, just at the moment when you needed me the most, I failed you. I should have been with you when you asked me to come to your house. I should have been by your side when your family hurt you."

"You didn't know what was happening at the time. Changkyun, it was not your responsibility to always be by my side, you had already helped me a lot with my parents, you accompanied me home, you even listened to me when I told you about the accident. I also hurt you a lot, now I understand it. Forgive me for not explaining what was happening."

"I understand perfectly that you couldn't tell me when everything happened, but two years, Liv, two years went by in which I thought you would let me get close to you. You came to see Kihyun, you also saw your group. I also needed to talk to you, I missed you too, even more than all of them. Why did you cut me off me from your life like that? Why didn't you let me get close? Liv, did you come to hate me so much?"

"I could never hate you, Kyun."

"Then why? Liv, I don't understand. Didn't you miss me? Didn't you want to see me? Didn't you miss what we had? Was I so easy to forget?"

"I couldn't see you, if I did, I wouldn't be able to let you go again."

"Did you ever think that I didn't want you to let me go? Didn't you think that I was the one who wouldn't have let you go again? Liv, you didn't give me the opportunity to get you back, I know that I also made things difficult for you and that for a long time you were the one who was looking for me, but I was always there, you knew how to find me, you knew that only with one call I would be with you, despite all my doubts, despite all our discussions, I was always there. I couldn't do that with you, I couldn't show you that I loved you and that I was willing to fight for what we had. Liv, I knew absolutely nothing about you."

"I don't want to fight, I didn't come to this. I came to apologize for how I behaved and to explain that I did not leave just because of what happened between us. I had a lot of things to sort out with myself, I still have a lot to work on, but I can't go on knowing that you're this upset with me. Please forgive me."

"I'm not upset with you, I understand why you did it, but it hurts. And it also frustrates me that I couldn't fight for you." Before breaking up, Changkyun was not good at expressing himself with words, but now Olivia noticed how much he had changed, he was letting out everything he had felt in those years and despite everything, Liv saw Changkyun's love in the way he saw her, even how he spoke to her. "What happened in that production room should never have happened, I need you to understand that I'm sorry from the bottom of my heart."

"I know. I know you kept silent because you thought it was the most prudent thing to do. I don't resent that. Nor do I blame you for not going to that lunch, that had nothing to do with you. I didn't dare to see you all this time because I didn't want to argue with you, I knew that the two of us had hurt each other a lot and that somehow or other we would end up fighting. I couldn't talk to you because it killed me inside to say goodbye to you definitively. Of course I missed you, since I left the apartment I missed you." I.M directed his gaze to any other place but his choreographer's eyes and it was because his were already filled with tears that he was trying to hold. "I couldn't think of you, Changkyun, I didn't allow myself to think about what we had because I knew that just thinking for a second about what I had with you, my world would fall apart again and I couldn't take it anymore. You were not easy to forget, you are not easy to forget. Getting over you is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I loved you more than anyone, and I know that you loved me too." Liv wiped his tears and let hers out when Changkyun kissed her hand. "We hurt each other a lot, we weren't ready to be together, but you made me the happiest person in the world."

"You too"

For a while neither of them was able to say anything, they finished their drinks and thought about how to handle things from now on, they still had a lot to talk about and they had so many questions they wanted to ask that they didn't know where to start. However, Changkyun remembered he had brought her something.

"You left something in the apartment that I think you would like to have back." I.M looked in the pockets of his pants and took out the bracelet that she had been looking for. That bracelet meant many things for Liv, from I.M celebrating her birthday with the other members of the group, until the last day they were together. "Can I? You really liked it." He asked offering his hand and waiting for Liv to bring hers closer to put it back on her.

"Where did you find it?"

"Do you remember where you found my sock? Well, it seems that you also left things in the same place." He said making her laugh and as soon as Changkyun heard that laugh, he did too.

Time began to run too fast as the couple talked about some of the things that had happened during that time, especially about Liv's work as a choreographer and I.M's as a soloist. When they found out, the cafeteria was about to close; however, it was still raining and neither of them had brought an umbrella.

"I can take you home, if you don't mind." Said the rapper paying attention to her reaction. "Are you living in the same place as before?"

"I'm staying at Ki's apartment."

"Will you go back to the old apartment?" I.M asked taking as a fact that Liv had returned to live in Korea.

"I'll stay only three months, then I'll return to the United States. Things are going well there." That answer left I.M speechless for a few seconds, he was again listening to the woman he loved telling him that she would leave; nevertheless, this time Liv was not doing it because she wanted to run away, but because she was trying to be happy. I.M's first impulse was to ask her not to leave again, but he couldn't be that selfish and he tried to understand her.

"I see... It's still raining and Kihyun's apartment is a bit far, let me take you there."

Olivia ended up accepting. Finally, when they were about to say goodbye, the two looked at each other without really knowing what to say, neither wanted to say goodbye but they had to. I.M had even turned off the car and after a silence, Liv spoke.

"Thank you for coming today, I'm very happy to see you well and to know that you are doing great with your music, you deserve it."

"Liv, did you want to see me one last time to close this chapter? Only that? You and I know that not all endings are final. Sometimes an end to something just means the beginning of something else." Liv's eyes recovered a little, just a little shine, but she immediately avoided his gaze. "Will I be able to see you again?"

Changkyun saw the indecision in his ex-girlfriend's gaze, he knew her well enough to know that Liv was struggling with herself to give an answer, but there were many things they had to consider. However, Liv couldn't deny that she had returned to Korea for him, not for work or anyone else.

"Do you think it's a good idea?"

"What's worrying you? If we talk about it, I'm sure we'll find a solution."

"I don't know if we can handle this well. Since we met we have been together as a couple, things are different now and I don't want either of us to get hurt again, Kyun, we have already made many mistakes."

"But we've both learned from that. Liv, I'm going to respect what you want to do, but I need to know what's going on there." He said pointing to her heart. "It doesn't have to be today, just think about it, okay?"

For Changkyun seeing Olivia so doubtful was something totally new, since he met her the girl was too bold when it came to taking risks, but now Liv was much more cautious. After so many emotional blows, it was normal that she needed more time to think things over, especially something as big as the kind of relationship they would have now. I.M did not force her more that day, he would give her time to think things over but without moving away, he needed Liv to know that he would be waiting for her.

The following days Changkyun wrote to her but didn't pressure her. I.M even sent a couple of things to Kihyun's house and made sure that Liv knew that whatever she needed, she could write to him or call him.

*****

A few days later Liv had seen several of her friends, including the guys from Monsta X. She talked a lot with her ex-boyfriend, had even gone out for a drink together a couple of times. One night Liv had stayed home to get some rest, she had worked a lot with the new group. It wasn't a month since she came back and the practices were very intense, she was practically dancing from the moment she opened her eyes until she couldn't continue, falling exhausted numerous times on the couch in Kihyun's apartment.

That day she had managed to leave a little earlier, Liv just wanted to lay on the couch and watch a movie. However, it was not ten minutes before the door rang, something that took her by surprise since Kihyun was not in town and I.M had been too busy to visit her. When opening the door, Liv saw her rapper with several bags of food. For a plan as simple as bringing her food, he looked incredibly handsome, it was evident that the idol had taken his time to look good for her.

"I thought you were working, what are you doing here?"

"I was working at home but I was hungry so I went out to buy something. Then, I remember you like this place." He said with a smile while Liv helped him with the bags.

"Were you at home?" Liv asked trying not to laugh. "The last time I saw you working at home you were wearing pajama pants, a huge sweater, and glasses." She said teasing him for looking so handsome.

"Yeah, but I wasn't coming to see you like that." I.M replied so directly that Olivia dropped one of the bags of food in the most awkward way.

"Shit!" When she tried to pick up the food, a piece of glass had gotten into her hand.

"Liv! Are you okay?" He asked leaving all the other bags on the floor as soon as he saw the blood.

Changkyun took her quickly to the sink where he tried to help her but Liv kept waving her hand because of how scared she was, the last time she had seen so much blood on her hands had been in her parents' accident. I.M supposed it when he saw her face. He already knew what to do and taking a huge risk, he took her chin so that she would look him in the eyes and distract her.

"You listened to my album, right?"

"What?"

"My album, we haven't talked about that yet. Did you hear it? Did you see the cover?"

"Yes..." Liv answered totally forgetting about her hand and the blood.

"Did you like it?" I.M acted faster than never and Liv didn't realize when he had taken a cloth and placed it on her hand so that it would stop bleeding and be able to check it well. "In a few days I have a presentation and I was wondering if you want to go. Could you come with me?"

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yes, I would like nothing more. Also, once you told me you were my biggest fan, tell me that hasn't changed." I.M said that with a tender smile that Liv couldn't say no to. "Your hand... I need to check it."

At that moment Olivia saw that the bleeding had stopped and she looked at him with such a funny face for having achieved that, that I.M winked and asked her not to look while he took out the glass.

"It might hurt a little tomorrow, but there's nothing to worry about."

"Sorry, I was super clumsy and now you have blood on your shirt."

"It's nothing"

"But you looked so handsome." I.M was washing his hands and he heard that, Liv smiled as his ears were turning red.

"Don't worry about it."

"What you said about your presentation... Was that true, or did you just want to distract me?"

"Liv, I've never told you something that is not true. Well yeah, only that time when I told you that the stove had burned down, I just had no idea how to use it." He confessed causing the girl to laugh in such a cute way that I.M simply got lost in her. "I wanted to debut with you by my side, but I couldn't, come with me this time, please. If you feel uncomfortable we can..."

"I'm not going to feel uncomfortable, it's you singing... there's nothing that could make me feel better than that. I'll go, but I have a condition."

"Oh, I wasn't expecting that, but ok."

"I haven't told you which is." She said laughing. "I'll go, but you'll stay here and have dinner with me. You can't go back to continue working looking like this." I.M's ears were so read that Liv laugh loudly.

"You're cruel, Olivia. I don't know why teasing me is so funny." He said very low while serving everything. "You'll stay away from beers, the last thing we wanted is another accident."

"That's precisely why I do it! Because you start acting like a bitter old man."

"Someone has to be the responsible person here."

"Yeah, right! Just let me bring you some jello shot."

"Liv!" He said laughing as much as her.

Exactly the same as when they began to go out, they didn't look at the hour, and when I.M was leaving, the sun was already beginning to rise.

*****

The day of Changkyun's concert, Monsta X members, including Wonho, were behind the stage waiting for the presentation to start when they saw Liv there. It was a surprise for them since the maknae didn't tell them Liv was going to be there. That night, I.M did better than ever before.

To be able to see the love of her life performing his songs in front of people, after not even daring to do it with her, was so moving for Liv that her eyes filled with tears. She couldn't stop smiling looking at him, it was more than evident to all the members that she was still in love with him. It was impossible to find another person who loved Changkyun more than Liv.

"He wouldn't be here if it weren't for you." Jooheon said, wrapping his arm around Liv's shoulders. "Do you know why he did so well with that album? Because he knew it wasn't just his, it was yours too."

"Jooheon..."

"You know it's true. Look, he even got super buff for you!" He said making the girl laugh.

At the end of the concert, I.M came down from the stage and when he got to the dressing room he didn't see any of his friends, they had literally run away, they didn't want to interrupt. The only person waiting for him was Olivia, who greeted him with a smile that I.M had not seen for years, a smile that expressed how happy she was for him and how proud she felt, it was the same smile that he had longed to see the day of his debut.

"I told you you would do great!" She said so excited that she let herself be carried away and hugged him without realizing what that meant for the singer, who closed his eyes when he felt her that close again. "Kyun, you were able to share with other people what you do, your music! Did you see how they supported you?" She asked moving just a little to look at his face. "I'm so proud of you..." Liv gently made her forehead touch his at the same time she caressed his face.

That touch was much more than I.M could bear and Liv felt his hands take her waist and then touch her back with the same tenderness as before. "Liv, I'm trying to do things right, I don't want you to get away from me again, but I'm having a hard time having you here and not kissing you." He said without moving away from her, he stayed there a few seconds, Liv felt his lips looking for hers, they were nowhere to touch when he moved a little, just a little to look into her eyes. "Baby, don't let me do something that will take you away from me, please." I.M saw that the girl's gaze was fixed on his lips and as soon as he saw a smile form on hers, he closed the distance.

The last kiss they had given was not a pleasant memory for any of them, as it had been while they argued; however, that night was totally different. It took them a few moments to make sure that the person in front of them still loved them in the same way, or even more than before. Liv and I.M would always have that special chemistry that allowed them to say through caresses everything that they could not with words, and the way in which they kissed calmly and enjoying what was happening were yelling at each other how much they had missed each other and how much they loved each other.

That kiss made them relive every moment they spent together, it was exactly the same tenderness that characterized them when they were alone in the apartment doing the simplest things, from watching a movie together to the kisses that Liv stole him when they went to buy something to eat and the rapper was totally distracted. They felt the same as when Changkyun approached her and whispered in her ear that he loved her, or when Liv wouldn't let him go to work because she hugged him so tightly that her boyfriend couldn't help but laugh as it was impossible to let go. All that they had lived and felt was still there and that kiss made them open their eyes, their relationship had never really ended and it never would because what they felt for each other was too strong and real.

They kissed for a long time, exactly like the first night. When one of the two stopped, the other immediately made him or her come closer with a caress on the cheek or neck. When it was too long, they had to stop, they both knew it was not the time to talk about it, but with the smiles they dedicated, it was more than enough to know that they both wanted that to happen.

"Thanks for coming today, it means everything to me." I.M said kissing her forehead.

"I think we've made the others wait a lot. They were very excited, they even have a dinner prepared for you at home."

"Let's go. I mean, I'd love it if you could join me, if that's okay with you. I understand if you have other plans, you've already done a lot coming and..."

"Kyun" Liv brought her hand to his chest so that he would stop talking. "My only plan is to be with you today. Let's go."

Dinner with the other members was quite fun; despite the time that had passed, there were things that definitely did not change, and Liv's good relationship with the members of Monsta X was one of those. At times both she and I.M lost the conversation because they were seeing each other or remembering the kiss.

When it was time to leave, it was Kihyun who accompanied her home, and even though Changkyun volunteered, Liv told him to rest.

"Why did I come? I.M could have come, I doubt you wanted to spend more time with me." Kihyun complained as they walked together; after all, the idol's apartment was close to the dorm.

"Because it wasn't going to be a good idea."

"Did something happen between you two? Liv, come on, tell me!"

"We kissed." After saying that, Liv expected anything but to hear her brother scream and move his hands without any control. "Kihyun, shut up!" She said pushing him and looking in all directions in case they had someone nearby, fortunately, no one was seen.

"What the hell am I doing here? Why didn't you let him come?"

"Do you really want to know?" Liv asked smirking.

"Ew, no. And I don't want you to let him into my apartment either, Olivia. If I find out that you two did things in my apartment, I swear I can sell it." He said totally indignant. "But does that mean that you two...?"

"It doesn't mean anything, Ki, we just kissed, you couldn't hope it wouldn't happen at some point."

"Liv, don't you want him?"

"You know I adore him." Liv sighed and took Kihyun's arm so they could walk together. "But that doesn't mean that Changkyun and I are the best combination, it took us a lot of work to find a bit of stability."

"But you found it."

"How long did that last? I'm not sure we can have a healthy relationship and I'm tired of running, taking risks, Ki. Besides, you know that sooner or later I will leave again."

"Well, I'm not so sure about that. Also, we are talking about Changkyun, you have taken every possible risk for him, and the same with him! One more risk is no problem for the two of you."

"Ki ..."

"What? I'm just telling the truth. I know that you are tired of running and that you have lived on the edge for years, but are you forgetting what Changkyun represented to you? He was the only person who managed to stop you, you had a home with him, you felt safe by his side. You guys have grown up, I'm sure you could have a healthy relationship if you want. Also, little sister, let me tell you, you don't have the best personality, you can be a bit annoying, especially when it comes to sharing food. And don't even get me started on how stubborn you can be. Changkyun knows all that and still drools over you."

"I liked you better when you didn't talk."

"I have not finished! He should also be grateful that he found the only person in the world who tolerates his weirdness and his stupid dances."

"Don't be rude, Kyun is not weird, and his dances are not stupid, they are cute."

"Stop wasting time." That was the last thing Kihyun said because Liv forget about their conversation when she got a text from Changkyun thanking her again for that night.

*****

Just a few days later, one of the biggest companies in the Kpop industry had a party where idols, producers, dancers, and other staff members were invited. After dinner, people began to approach their acquaintances to greet them. Liv had been talking to a group of idols that had gone to the United States and she had not only trained them for several months, but she had also helped them with a couple of choreographies. After a while, Liv was alone with one of the members, a very attractive and friendly idol; in fact, he was a friend of I.M, who had not stopped seeing them from where he was.

The idol whispered something to Liv in her ear and the girl laughed in embarrassment; seeing that, Changkyun sprang on his feet.

"Do you remember when you said that I.M is not jealous?" Jooheon asked Shownu as the two of them saw the maknae trying to get closer to his ex-girlfriend, they had seen him all night trying to make eye contact with her, he had even asked for a drink for her since they had sat down, but Changkyun hadn't had the opportunity to talk to her.

****

"Hello, I'm I interrupting?" When Liv heard that voice, she and the other idol immediately turned around.

"I.M! Hello, I had not seen you, man!" Said the other singer.

"No, you were very busy." He answered too seriously.

"I don't think you know Liv. She trained my group in the United States." I.M's friend said without having any idea that they knew each other, he had seen Liv talking with Kihyun and Jooheon, but not with Changkyun.

"Of course I know her." I.M replied "Hi, Liv." He said looking into her eyes and smiling tenderly at her. "We've known each other for a long time, we even worked together. Liv helped me with the production of a song. Actually, it was her who I was looking for." When they were together, I.M and Liv met in some activities, but they were extremely careful with that because I.M kept saying it was risky, so seeing him there and hearing him be so direct, surprised the dancer.

"Hello, Kyun." Liv said trying to sound as natural as possible, but the way she and I.M looked at each other couldn't be hidden anymore. "Were you looking for me?"

"Yes, but I wanted to talk to you alone." I.M was so direct that Liv opened her eyes wide and the other idol understood that he was the third wheel and disappeared as fast as possible.

"That wasn't subtle at all." Liv whispered as the rapper got a little closer to remove something she had in her hair. "What are you doing? It's too crowded here."

"What am I doing? Talking to you, trying to invite you for a drink but you haven't even seen me because you're kind of checking the whole room." He answered laughing a little when he saw her so nervous.

"You were the one who said it was better not to see us together."

"It was one of the things I was wrong about."

"You're drunk, right?"

"I haven't drunk absolutely nothing, I promise you. Now that you know I'm not drunk, can I invite you for a drink?"

"Changkyun, you're crazy."

"Why? Liv, it's not fair! You have accepted drinks from three friends, and not me?"

"How do you know that? Have you been watching me all night?"

"Absolutely"

"Changkyun! Since when are you this shameless? Wait a minute! Are you here because you're jealous?"

"I'm not jealous. None of them have given you anything you like, look, you haven't even tasted your drinks." He said looking at the table behind him.

"So now you're the only one who knows what I like?"

"Are we still talking about drinks?" He said raising an eyebrow at the same time that Olivia laughed and pushed him with her shoulder. "Let me get you something." He said before going to order exactly what Liv liked to drink.

"Thank you" Liv said with a smile when Changkyun sat down next to her.

"You look gorgeous today. You don't know how many times I've had to hear some stupid guys approaching Kihyun to ask him to introduce you to them. It's getting quite annoying."

"Well, Kihyun can tell them a couple of things that would drive them away quickly. A few nights ago he told me that I have a bad temper, that I am stubborn, and that I don’t share my food." Changkyun heard that and laughed in such a way that it caught the attention of several people because it was not normal to see the idol laugh like that with someone other than the members of his group. "Don't laugh! It made me feel bad. Do you think that's true, do I really have a bad temper?"

"I wouldn't say that, I'd say that you're very passionate about certain things."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Changkyun?"

"That's what I'm talking about. You are passionate about people speaking clearly, or keeping things in order, and if that doesn't happen, well ... you react a little ..."

"A little what, Changkyun?" She asked, leaving the glass aside to place a hand on her hip, she looked so funny that I.M had to control himself not to hug her right there.

"You're very cute, Liv. With a bit of a bad temper, yes, but that only makes you more adorable. I have to give Kihyun the point that you don't share food though."

"I could share if you didn't eat everything."

"Is that why you started eating in the living room? Were you hiding from me?" He asked so offended that Liv laughed seeing the overreaction.

"I had to survive."

"Well, I already learned my lesson, I'm not going to take your food anymore." He said approaching a little more and the girl got frozen when she saw him so close.

"Kyun..."

"What did he say?"

"What? Who?"

"You blushed when he spoke in your ear, you only did that with me.” The dancer avoided I.M's gaze but when she saw who was approaching them, her face totally changed. "What's the matter?" The rapper asked following Liv's gaze and saw the producers with whom they had worked.

The producers, Liv, and I.M looked directly into each other's eyes and it was impossible to think that they would not speak at least to say hello.

"Olivia, I.M, good to see you." Said the oldest producer when the couple got up and I.M saw how Liv walked away from him. "Olivia, we didn't know you were back."

"Good evening. Yeah, I arrived recently." She answered desperate to get out of there. Despite having forgiven I.M for what had happened, Liv remembered everything those men had said about her, she even remembered when they told I.M that he should stay away from her, so her first instinct was not even to argue with them, if not to get away from her ex-boyfriend, something that Changkyun realized.

"You didn't have to know that she was back, the project we worked on together ended a long time ago." I.M said, approaching Liv again and placing his hand on the girl's shoulder, he looked at them in such a way that Olivia thought she was seeing and hearing badly. I.M would never see or speak to his bosses that way.

"Now that I think about it, it's been more than two years that we haven't talked to you either." Said the producer.

"Unfortunately only two years" That response caused the producer to raise his eyebrows and Olivia to look at him in surprise.

"Look who we have here! Our star couple!" The producer who tried to go out with Liv approached them too. Seeing him there, the girl sighed and tried to be as polite as possible, but the hateful face she had was identical to that of her ex-boyfriend. "Olivia, what a surprise to see you here." The producers tried to talk with the girl, who answered only what was necessary; quite the opposite of I.M, who drank from his glass to avoid a problem in front of everyone.

"We’d love to work with you again, Olivia. Your choreographies are still the best we’ve seen. Also, I imagine that now that you were outside of Korea you made even more contacts than before." Said the oldest producer with such a sarcastic and perverted tone that Liv got quite upset and then I.M couldn't keep quiet, but as soon as he opened his mouth, Olivia interrupted him.

"Thank you very much, sir, but at the moment I am not available to work on a new project."

"Hey, what's up with you two? We did a good job, and now you see us this way? And what about you, I.M? Your album is reaching very good numbers, we could help you promote a second album. I mean, if you have time, not like your girlfriend."

"I thought it had been clear the last time I spoke with you. I have no interest in working with you again, you proved to be unprofessional and unethical."

"Are you still upset with us? I thought the tantrum you threw the day you quit was enough." Said the producer.

"I have absolutely nothing more to say. Liv, are you coming with me?" He asked offering his hand. "I almost forgot, one last thing." He said looking at the two producers. "Our personal life is ours, it is not your business or anyone else's."

Liv was so shocked that it took her a few seconds to react, but when she did, she took Changkyun's hand and walked out with him from the room where the activity was taking place.

*****

Once alone in a hall, Liv just couldn't believe what happened. "Changkyun, did you hear what you say?"

"It was the least they deserved."

"You quit? When?"

"Liv, that doesn't matter anymore."

"Of course it matters. You quit, those guys are there thinking I'm your girlfriend. Changkyun, your career..."

"Liv, I didn't do things when I had to. Because of that damn conversation our relationship ended. I don't care what they think." He said too frustrated, evidently, it had affected I.M more than Liv to meet them again, he still didn't forgive himself for what had happened. "Do you know what is the worst part? That now that I finally have the courage to speak up, I cannot defend you as you deserve because I'm not your boyfriend. When I had the opportunity I didn't do it and now I have to see how other guys approach you and..."

"You've done enough." Liv said taking his face. "You spoke with my family, you quit, you defended me. You released an album by yourself, you trusted everything I told you."

"I didn't release that album alone, you helped me. Despite what happened between us, you continued to support me, you recommended me. That album is yours, it's all for you." He said hugging her tightly and after a while, he felt her arms surround his body. "Something as good as that opportunity could not come from anyone else, it was you, it has always been you, behind all the good things that have happened to me there is always you. Liv, we... can we...?"

"I have to go." She said moving away from him quickly and as much as Changkyun asked her to let him accompany her, the girl left alone.

I.M returned to the main room because there were still various activities, some groups were going to perform, including Olivia's. Changkyun was not feeling well that night, he thought he had gotten a little closer to his girl, but when he tried to get them to talk about the two of them and what was currently going on, Olivia was not even open to the possibility of conversation. Changkyun was beginning to doubt whether he could get her back. Liv treated him well, that was true, and had agreed to see him, but besides the kiss, the girl had not given him the slightest sign of wanting to go back with him. Changkyun stopped thinking about the situation when he saw that Liv's group had taken the stage, they were going to present a new song.

When the melody began, I.M swore he had heard wrong, that couldn't be the music that he himself had helped Liv to produce. When he was convinced it was, he thought Liv had given them the melody for their new song, but found it too strange. That music meant a lot to his girl, she had told him so many times that. It was the first time they had worked together and I.M knew how much she valued it.

"Why did you give it to them? It's ours." Changkyun thought too confused. However, when the group started singing, I.M got frozen in his seat.

The first line of the song was just how Liv woke him up every morning, it was exactly the same words she whispered into his ear as she hugged him and told him it was time to open his eyes. The lyrics of the song were their relationship, Liv had found a way to express in a song everything she felt for him, from the illusion she felt on the first date, to when the two of them had broken their hearts.

I.M couldn't even hold his gaze, he couldn't see the group anymore, his gaze was fixed on the table and Jooheon, who was sitting next to him, noticed how his shoulders moved. Although I.M tried his best to make sure no one noticed, Jooheon did and saw his friend wet the tablecloth with the tears that fell from him. Little by little, all the members of his group noticed, and the lyrics were really shocking, especially for all the times they heard how Liv thanked him for everything they had lived together. The song didn't have a single claim; it had sad parts, yes, but it was so much the gratitude and love in the lyrics, that it moved even the coldest person.

"Changkyun..." Jooheon said when his friend got up once the song had finished. The rapper did not say a single word and his friends saw how he practically ran out of the room, he would not wait any longer, he had to talk to Olivia, that song had given him all the strength he needed, Liv still loved him.

To be continued… 🐱

✮ Chapter 14

✮ Chapter 16

Hi there! If you want me to add you to the taglist so you can know when there’s a new chapter, just let me know, you can leave a message if you want or dm me. ❤️

[ladylooch]

https://www.tumblr.com/ladylooch/768514568967389184/low-key-in-an-angst-mood-but-i-can-just-imagine

So we know how very protective Timo is of his girls. And he installs it into the boys to be just as protective of their mama and sister.

And I could see how upset Livy would get if maybe she has like friendship drama going on or someone was mean to her and Lio would get protective of her.

I could see it frustrating Livy a lot that Lio would get protective of her because he is also mean to her and kinda pushes her to the side. And her little mind can’t comprehend why Lio is so protective of her when he’s treated her the same way. And the way he treated her actually makes her more upset and hurts her more then all of those mean kids do.

The way Liv would be SO annoyed by this because Lio would be the older brother to ignore her at school, then get in the middle of the drama by shoving people in the hallway. Let's go with them being a little older for this one...

All Liv wants to do is blend into the crowd. She hates the attention and being Lio's sister, plus Timo's kid, brings her more than enough of that already. She doesn't need Lio up on some fictitious high horse trying to defend her honor like earlier today.

Why does he act like he cares here and now, but couldn't care less about her outside of these school walls?

Liv plops into Emma's car after school, slamming the door.

"I hate Lio!" She immediately bellows.

"Oh. Okay." Emma shakes her head as she pulls out of the pick up line. "Mind telling me why?"

"He just.... sucks." Liv huffs, crossing her arms. "I'm not Lucie. He doesn't need to defend my honor like he cares about my wellbeing."

"Honey." Emma gives her a look. "Lee does love you in his own way, but he's... complicated right now with everyone. He's got an image to uphold." Emma jokes. Teenager Lio has been full of hormones and douchery. They're just trying to navigate these last few years in relative harmony.

"All he did was bring attention to me today and he knows I don't like it and he did it anyway! He's always making me miserable, mama!"

"Okay, okay." Emma soothes Liv. "Daddy and I will talk to him." She pauses with her lips pursed in concentration. "Wait, what happened at school?"

"Lio pushed someone into a wall and threatened him to stop saying things about me in class."

"Did he go back to class after?"

"No, he got sent home."

"Oh for fu... *clears throat* okay. Well he did not come home and no one from school called me which means they called your dad and he failed to mention that to your mother..." Emma starts grumbling in words Liv can't comprehend.

Whatever. As per usual, it's all about Lio.

[pasca1]

Old Fashioned

Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x OC (Olivia Martin)

Word Count: 2740

Chapter Summary: An unexpected reunion makes Olivia’s outlook on the newest chapter in her life a bit brighter.

Warnings: alcohol, mentions of grief and the loss of a loved one, a bit of angst 

Author’s Note: Hi, everyone :) This is my first Pedro fandom fic and I spent a lot of time on it so I hope you enjoy it! This will be a multichapter fic following our main character Olivia through some interesting times with everybody’s favorite cowboy, Whiskey. I won’t give away too much about their adventures yet but in due time you’ll see! As an additional note, keep in mind that this takes place well before The Golden Circle, when Jack is a bit newer as a Statesman agent. Thanks in advance for reading! Please let me know what you think and have a great day :)

P.S. I’m still working on a title for the overall fic and I will make some revisions to the chapter posts/a possible masterlist once that comes about so bear with me! Thanks again!

Echoes of a Saturday night sound check filled the seedy honky-tonk. The tavern would soon be bustling with patrons looking for liquor and entertainment. (Mostly liquor.) This would be Liv’s first gig in months; her first since arriving in New York, in fact. She had struggled to find work in the big city--in music or otherwise. It hadn’t been long since she decided to pick up and leave Tennessee, the only place she had ever known as home. It was an ambitious move but it was the change of pace she needed so dearly.

“Doors open in five minutes, sweetheart,” the owner of the bar shouted in Olivia’s general direction. Though she didn’t appreciate his tone or the term of endearment, she gave a placating smile in response. Liv vocalized into the mic for one last test. Only then did she feel the weight of anticipation building in her stomach. She truly loved performing but often wondered whether music was a fruitless pursuit. She had been doing it all her life and yet not much seemed to have come from it; be it money, recognition, or a feeling of true fulfillment. Maybe it was her personal life that was truly lacking a sense of accomplishment. Sometimes it felt like she was still hung up on her past. She didn’t enjoy thinking about it much, it was all too depressing to see how little she had accomplished in life. All she’d done was get into toxic relationships and wonder how she had managed to peak in college.

She didn’t have the time to ponder the past right now. The doors were open and people started filtering into the bar, bellying up to order their beer and bourbon. Olivia soon began to realize that the crowd this place attracted probably did not care about some little girl playing her folksy acoustic guitar covers (much less her original songs, who cared about those anyways?). They weren’t all city types, many probably there for a taste of home like herself. Yet the doubt still seeped into her thoughts.

Too late to back out, she thought, it’s now or never.

“Hey, y’all,” she mustered over a bit of feedback. “My name is Olivia Martin, but you can call me Liv if you’d like.” Hardly anyone turned to acknowledge her presence. Wonderful. She began her set with something a bit more uptempo to see if she could garner some attention. To her surprise, toes began tapping. As the music swelled and her confidence returned she began to grin through the lyrics. The song came to an end all too soon and she earned herself a wall of applause. She bowed her head in thanks to her audience.

As the set continued, she tested the waters a bit by throwing some of her original works in with the tried and true classics she always played. The night was going well, she metered about halfway through.

Midnight rolled around and the bar was still bustling. “Alright, folks. Time for a bit of an intermission. I’ll be back after a drink,” Liv paused, “or two.” She winked as she removed her guitar strap and turned off the microphone momentarily before heading to the bar.

It was then that she laid eyes on him from across the room and the world stopped spinning around her.

“Jack? Jack Daniels?”

He glanced over his shoulder. That voice...he had heard it say his name before. Many, many times before. Jack turned on his heels to seek the source of the voice.

“I’ll be damned,” he breathed, taking in the sight of none other than Olivia Martin. The fond memories flooding his mind caused Jack’s look of surprise to soften into a gentle smile. “Long time no see.” 

The relief in his voice was a balm for her soul. She felt her cheeks begin to ache from the excited grin that wouldn’t leave her lips. Liv couldn’t handle it any longer. She ran to close the gap between them, throwing her arms around his neck tightly. He huffed at the force of the embrace and wrapped his own arms around her midsection. His strong hand rubbed a circle in her back in the most soothing way. Liv felt nothing but warmth as she inhaled his musky scent. He smelled of aftershave and oak, just as she remembered.

The pair parted and locked eyes. “You haven’t aged a day, have you, Liv?” he said after a moment.

“I guess I’m the lucky one, huh?” she replied to his amusement, the jab warranting a chuckle from the cowboy.

“How long has it been? Shoot, ten years?” He said in a disbelieving tone. “Hey! How about I buy you a drink? Whatcha havin’?”

“You know.”

He gave her a wink as he headed to the bar. Liv took a deep breath as he turned his back on her, her nerves wrecked by even this small exchange. He was right--it had been ten years since they had spoken. She had heard whispers of his whereabouts over the years but neither had contacted the other. She regretted the time they weren’t in touch. The way they left things with so much left unspoken had caused Olivia a silent heartache she hadn’t been able to shake. Although Jack was in a relationship the entire duration of their friendship, she was not the jealous type. In fact, as her feelings for Jack developed, she felt nothing but respect for his girlfriend; she made him happier than anyone else could. What friend wouldn’t want that for the person they cared about most? 

The problem was that Jack had been too charming to resist back then. When one fell for Jack Daniels, they fell fast. Those warm brown eyes, his devilish smile, even his faulty sense of humor was captivating. He was the ideal country boy if she had ever seen one. The fact that she couldn’t have him was painful, but she would never cross the line.

Olivia waited patiently. She spent her college years trying to fill the void he couldn’t fill in her all while remaining a faithful friend. As time went on, she realized that letting go of these complicated feelings would be better than inflicting this pain on herself forever. She did her best to move on and isolated herself from him and their mutual friends shortly after graduation. She bargained that maybe it had been for the best.

When she heard through the grapevine what had happened to Jack’s girlfriend and their child, she was devastated. She wanted so badly to reach out but the past still ached within her. She often stared at his number in her phone, finger poised above the call button. The longer she waited, the guiltier she became. Her conscience began to pester her once again at the sight of him. She hoped he could forgive her for her inaction, for being such a poor friend.

Jack sauntered back over to Liv and handed her her usual: a whiskey old fashioned. She thanked him and looked away nonchalantly as she took a sip. The din of the bar around them made the pause in conversation seem unbearably quiet. Jack was the first to breach the silence.

“How long have you been in town?” he asked.

“A week or two now,” Liv said, “I came here on a whim so I’m seriously in need of work. This has been my first money making opportunity since I got here.”

 Jack nodded thoughtfully, contemplating a response. He wondered silently what her life had been like and how it all culminated to this moment. What had he missed out on? After a steady five year friendship and then radio silence for a decade--the possible explanations raced in his mind. He wanted to ask her every question that he could think of. In all honesty, he had missed Olivia terribly. But he couldn’t let her on to that for fear of breaking his collected, tough facade.

“You know, I might be able to set you up with a job,” he said, “That is, if you’re interested…”

Liv’s face lit up. “Really? You’d be a real life saver, Jack. Where exactly do you work these days?”

“Statesman Distillery headquarters, downtown.”

Liv chuckled. “You always could hold your liquor, huh?”

Jack grinned shyly, eyes downcast as he swirled the ice in his drink. He looked up to meet her gaze again. “I’m putting all that hard work in Finance 101 to good use.”

“Weren’t you asleep the majority of that course, Mr. Daniels?” Liv teased. The way they carried on, it was if they’d never been apart. They picked up right where they left off.

Jack laughed off the accusation, changing the subject. “Hey, this place is awful loud. How’d you like to head back to my place for a chat?,” he offered, his voice getting low, “We have a lot of catching up to do.” Liv’s heart pounded at the thought of being alone with him. She nodded a bit too eagerly and Jack settled the tab at the bar before Liv collected her guitar and they both disappeared into the brisk autumn night...

-

Jack’s apartment was much nicer than she had expected. Olivia recalled his freshman dorm room; the linoleum floors littered with dirty laundry, the hostile concrete walls plastered with airbrushed, bikini-clad models in glossy girl of the month calendars. He always claimed it was his roommate who had made the executive decisions when it came to the interior decorating. (Funny how his Farah Fawcett poster never left his wall even when he moved to his first apartment...)

Right off the bat, the contrast between his former living spaces and this one was stark. The entryway was neat; Jack’s outerwear lined up along the wall on bronze pegs with the occasional Stetson among the jackets. Liv was embarrassed to find herself gawking at the living room’s high ceilings and glittering skyline views. For a thirty-something working in corporate in New York City, it was clear Jack had done well for himself as evidenced by his spacious abode.

Jack sighed, arms outstretched as if to greet the space. “Here’s home, sweet home.” 

He watched Liv as she explored. She rubbed a throw blanket between her thumb and finger, relishing the softness. “Quite the place you have here,” Liv commented, a bit bewildered. This apartment must cost a fortune, she thought as she examined the no doubt priceless glass coffee table at the center of the room. The dingy studio she had just moved into across town paled in comparison despite its steep rent.

“Y’know,” Liv began as she snapped out of her apartment appreciation haze, “I’ll probably never get a gig at that place again.” Jack arched an eyebrow in question. “Leaving halfway through a set is not the best look for an unknown artist like myself,” she explained.

Jack shooed the prospect out of the air as he ducked into the kitchen and began preparing her a drink. “Nevermind all that,” he said from the other room. Liv followed his voice and leaned against the granite countertop opposite him. “You’re good enough that anywhere in this godforsaken town would love to have you play in their establishment,” Jack continued. He looked up from the mint he was muddling. “I guarantee they’d have you back,” he grinned her way. 

Olivia couldn’t help but grin right back. He always cheered her up in a way no one else could. His words were never judgemental or harsh despite his matter of fact delivery. It comforted Liv that it seemed like he hadn't changed a bit. Surely some things were different; ten years and the grief of losing love does not leave a man unchanged. She wondered what kind of pain might lurk beneath Jack’s ever charming surface. She wanted so dearly to comfort him about the events in their lost time, but she couldn’t allow herself to bring the sensitive topics to light.

Once Jack’s cocktail was complete, he handed the glass to Liv for a taste test. He watched her with great anticipation as she sipped the concoction. After a moment she hummed in satisfaction. Whatever it was, it was great; mildly sweet with a refreshing herbal hint. 

“They teach you how to make that at Statesman?” Liv joked.

“The hiring process is pretty brutal. They had me take a mixology course before they would even let me have a seat at the table.”

Liv nodded, taking his words with a grain of suspicion. “I’ve had my share of bartending jobs. I could probably pass. Do they require these skills for entry level, pencil pushing stuff?”

Jack shrugged. “Not too sure,” he said. “Best to be prepared, though.” He started to make a drink of his own, letting a pause settle into the conversation. He could feel her eyes on him, but when he looked up, Liv quickly busied her gaze elsewhere. Curiosity consumed him until he couldn’t take the silence any longer.

“Where have you been?” he blurted, setting aside the bottle he was holding. His eyes found Liv’s and held them, unbudging, almost pleading for an answer. Part of him was frustrated, another filled with concern, and yet another was sorrowful. How could he not wonder where his friend had gone?

Olivia managed to escape Jack’s dark eyes for a moment, composing herself. “I’m sorry, Jack. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through…” Jack’s jaw tightened. “But I had my reasons,” she continued. “I had to do what was right for me at the time. I know it was selfish, believe me. I missed you every single day.” Now a hot dampness had found its way to her eyes, but she did not waver. She felt three words prickle the back of her throat, wanting so badly to pass through her lips, but now was not the time. Instead, she croaked a final apology, her head bowed. “Forgive me.”

Jack was silent for a moment. She looked up; it was her turn to give him a pleading look.

“Please don’t cry, Liv. Not over me,” he said with the forgiveness she needed present in the tone of his voice. “Remember when you broke up with that Jason guy?” Jack shifted the subject, but not without purpose. 

A teary chuckle escaped Olivia at the recollection. “How could I forget?”

“You showed up at my door at 3 AM crying your eyes out, looking sorry as all get out,” Jack mused on the events of that night. He had held her in his arms as she sobbed and sobbed. After a while, once she had calmed down, they picked one of her favorite movies out of his VHS collection to watch together. Liv barely made it fifteen minutes into the film before knocking out. He only noticed that she had fallen asleep when she let out a little snore. Jack laughed and continued watching the movie with her snuggled under his arm, unwittingly falling asleep a few minutes later. Thanks to Jack, she had gone to sleep with a smile on her face. He made her feel safer than anyone in the world that night. Jason was a thing of the distant past for all she cared.

The memory brought a smile to Liv once again. She glanced at the clock on the wall behind him: 2:34 AM. “I better be going,” she said, although she wished she could stay here exchanging happy memories until dawn.

“Let me get my driver to bring you home,” Jack said as he reached for his phone.

“Your driver?” Olivia furrowed her brow, “What line of work did you say you were in, again?” What planet was this version of Jack from?

He gave a meek smile. “At least let me walk you downstairs and hail you a cab.”

“That’s more like it.” Liv stood and collected her belongings.

Ever the gentleman, Jack opened the door of the taxi for her once it arrived. “See you again soon?” he asked, his tone hopeful. Olivia was lost in his dark eyes, illuminated only by the streetlights. 

She mustered a nod in her distracted state. “Of course,” she answered firmly. Jack beamed, almost shy at the thought of being with her again. Liv flashed him a grin in return, her feelings matching his in the quiet between them. 

Maybe there was something to look forward to in the big city after all.

[heich0e]

Liv. LIV. THAT OIKAWA ANGST.

Not me having an hq feels day and then YOU POST JUICY OIKAWA TEARS. I've reached the conclusion that your favorite hobby is making fictional men suffer. I'm still here for it. CRYING, but here for it :') Anyways i'm gonna dump some Oikawa headcanons on you hope that's ok bc i ALSO HAVE BRAINROT:

Oikawa is so good at hiding his feelings that he eventually convinces himself he's not in love with you until leaving Japan. He would ALWAYS pick on you in high school (kind of in the way he does with kags but a little less mean) but it's mainly because he was mad that you didn't fawn over him and give him attention all the time right off the bat.

I think he's very touchy and if you're not a touchy person he gets mad because!!! he wants to be touched by you!!! he WILL be that person that asks "where's my hug?" (will do it every time just to annoy you)

Oh and when you finally, FINALLY start doing what he wants it's just before he moves away, and having the satisfaction of you hugging him regularly now makes him sad because why?? couldn't you have done it earlier when he thought that maybe he had a chance with you?

Now he's made commitments, he can't back out. and on the last night of hanging out with him you, so convinced that he doesn't have feelings for you, admit how you had a tiny crush on him (it wasn't tiny) and he wants to cry. He wants to tell you how he's felt the same, if not more. if only you had shown some kind of sign sooner, maybe he would've been brave enough to do something about it. But now it's too late. And the kiss you leave on his cheek that he always imagined to be sweet and inviting merely stings now with regret.

:') ANYWAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS wow that got out of hand umm oops

LeY HOLY SHIT THE WAY MY HEART LITERALLY LURCHED IN MY CHEST READING THESE HEAD CANNONS

imagining oikawa sidling up beside you in the hallways, snaking his arm around your shoulder which you carefully slip out from under - like a well practiced dance the two of you have been mastering for years. But the two of you can follow each other's pace, match each other's moves; he knows the steps you'll take and learns to chase them (which he tells himself is purely for the fun of it and not because each graze makes warmth crackle through the pit of his stomach), and over time you stop retreating so intently. Start allowing the touches and the proximity that he's so insistent on. He doesn't dare allow himself to hope that maybe it's because they also make your heart beat a little faster in your chest, too.

"the kiss you leave on his cheek that he always imagined to be sweet and inviting merely stings now with regret" I Am YODELLING!!!

YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT OIKAWA TOORU IS NOT A PERFECT CHARACTER TO PROJECT ANGST ON AND YOU ARE ENABLING ME W THESE HCs LEY

[whitesparrows97]

Heartstring Melodies – Part 4

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader (feat. Jeon Jungkook x Reader)

Genre: Soulmate AU, College AU, fuckboy!Yoongi

Summary: Min Yoongi, the fuckboy of the whole college and the guy all girls fall for, should be your soulmate? You don’t believe that, you don’t want to believe that. Therefore, you and your best friend make a pact: She pretends to be you and gets together with Yoongi. Nothing can go wrong with that, right?

Warnings: Little bit of smut, angst

Word Count: 4.4K

Previous / Next

Chapter four: «The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.» – f.c.f.

You didn’t know yourself exactly how it came to the present situation in which you found yourself. You sat on Jungkook’s lap, one of your legs on each side of his hip, while you let your fingers slide through his dark curls. Your mouths pressed together and your tongues fought every few seconds to see who had the upper hand.

It was the fourth time you saw each other; after your meeting at the aquarium, Jungkook had called that very evening and asked when you would meet again. The second time you saw each other was at the movie theater and afterwards at a small pizzeria around the corner. The third time you had been at your apartment. You immediately regretted this decision when your two roommates knocked on your door more often than usual and wanted something from you. But as soon as you opened the door, their attention was more on him than on you. For this reason, you had decided to meet at his place this time.

Jungkook shared an apartment with Jung Hoseok who, according to Jungkook, spent more time at the dance studio than at home. That’s why it was almost as if he had the place to his own. You were more than happy about this fact when you let your hips roll against his and Jungkook moaned loudly into the kiss.

His fingers dug further into your flesh as he pressed your hips firmly against his. You pulled him even closer and pressed your upper body against his. You felt his heart beating fast in his chest and his loud breath hit your face as he interrupted the kiss and gasped for air.

“Wait,” he said breathlessly and had to laugh at himself. You brushed out the brown strands of hair that had fallen into his face in the last few minutes and then spread little kisses all over his face. 

His fingers drew little patterns and circles on the little sliver of naked skin where your shirt had slid up. His fingers slowly made their way up and you froze when he reached your bra. Immediately he pulled his hand away.

“Too much?” he asked slightly worried and you nodded.

You leaned back a little on his thighs so you could look at him. His warm, brown eyes looked back at you and waited for what you had to say. You sighed and turned your eyes away. “I…,” you began to search for the right words.

Jungkook put his fingers on your chin and carefully turned your face back towards him so that you looked at him. “You don’t have to justify yourself, we’ll take it slow and only go as far as is comfortable for you. Okay?”

You smiled at him and took a deep breath of relief. “Thank you, Jungkook.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, it should be a given.” His thumb brushed across your warmed cheeks, which were still slightly reddened from effort and arousal.

“It is just that… I don’t have too much experience in this area. I’ve only had one boyfriend and we’ve never gone very far.”

Jungkook smiled and gave you a short kiss on the lips. “I am honored that you trust me so much to tell me this, Liv. If I should do anything and you don’t feel one hundred percent comfortable in the situation, please tell me.”

You knew that Jungkook’s statement was to reassure you and in any other situation you would probably give him credit for caring more about your well-being than his own needs. Were it not for the name of your best friend with which he had addressed you. And you knew it wasn’t his fault, after all he only knew you by that name. Still, you couldn’t ignore the bad feeling in the pit of your stomach that was spreading inside you when you heard those three letters.

You wanted to answer something, but didn’t know what to say, so you were glad when you suddenly heard a key in the front door. “Hm?” Jungkook asked confused and looked past you towards his bedroom door. You had left the door open because Hoseok wasn’t home anyway and, according to Jungkook, rarely came home before midnight on Thursdays. Today, however, seemed to be the exception, because when you turned around as well, you could see no one less than Jungkook’s roommate, who stepped through the apartment door at that very moment.

His gaze fell directly on you as you were right in the line of his eyes and he just grinned at you before he put his key on the drawer next to the door. “Don’t mind me,” he almost warbled and took off his shoes with the help of his feet.

Your eyes fell on three other people who came in behind Hoseok and when you realized who they were, you almost fell out of Jungkook’s lap, so quickly you tried to sit down next to him. 

“Well look who’s here,” you heard Kim Taehyung say, who winked at you before putting his shoes next to the others. You looked down, not because of Taehyung. You did not care that he was here. And you certainly did not listen to his stupid remarks. You felt the looks of two other people on you and only looked up when you heard Liv laugh.

“Why didn’t you let us know you were here, Liv?” she asked and crossed the hall to Jungkook’s room. 

Maybe because I don’t have to tell you every move I make, you thought, but kept your thoughts to yourself. 

She didn’t stop at the door, but came over to you and embraced you joyfully. Her penetrating perfume, which smelled of heavy vanilla, almost suffocated you and you only breathed again when she let go of you and stepped back a little. With a grin, she looked down on you before she turned her gaze to Jungkook. “I won’t disturb you for long,” she said, but you could hear in her voice that this was exactly what she had planned.

“Are we having a movie night?” Taehyung asked, who without further ado threw himself onto Jungkook’s bed. You were able to pull your legs out of the way just at the last moment, otherwise he would have landed right on them. “Here?”

You felt Jungkook stiffening next to you. You had also imagined the evening to be a bit different than spending it with Jungkook’s friends and your best friend, who had been acting less like that for the last week. Then Jungkook exhaled noticeably. “Okay, why not?” he said, but looked straight at you to see if the plan was okay with you. You shrugged your shoulders slightly to let him know that you didn’t care. Even if that was not the case at all.

“Sweet!” Taehyung said, lifting himself up on his forearms to lean on them and look at you. “So you and Jungkook, huh?”

You looked at him for a second and thought for a moment whether you should answer him before you stood up with an eye roll. “I’m going to the bathroom,” you apologized and left the room as quickly as you could. You almost ran into Hoseok, who entered Jungkook’s room at that very moment and surprised he yanked the two bowls of chips and popcorn up.

“Wow, not so fast,” he laughed, but you just managed a short smile and squeezed past him with an apology. You had your eyes firmly fixed on the door to the bathroom. You shivered slightly as your fingers gripped the cold door knob and opened the door. You almost cried out in shock when you saw Min Yoongi standing at the sink. Oh God, that could have gone terribly wrong…

His gaze found yours in the mirror and you could see how the corners of his mouth barely twitched upwards. “Relax,” he said and turned off the water, “I was just washing my hands.” He dried his hands briefly and then walked past you without saying another word to you or even looking at you. Or you suspected it, your gaze was glued firmly to the white wallpaper.

Your fingertips itched to say something, to take his arm in passing and tell him the truth. Surely he also had to realize that Liv was not who she said she was, right? Or was he happy and content? Maybe even more satisfied than if you were in her place? 

The questions rattled through your mind so that you didn’t notice Yoongi’s gaze and how he was staring at you as you stood at the bathroom door and didn’t make any effort to go in. He cleared his throat and you flinched. “Did you get up to wait outside the bathroom door?”

Your eyes fell on the open door and then back on Yoongi. “Oh,” you said softly and felt the heat rising in your cheeks. You quickly pulled yourself together and entered the small bathroom. 

“Wait a second,” Yoongi stopped you from closing the door and you looked at him questioningly and waiting “You suit Jungkook well,” he said and gave you a short smile. Probably one of the few that would ever be addressed to you. “Jungkook is a good guy, you can’t say that about many men his age.”

You only made an approving sound. You weren’t sure where Yoongi was going with this conversation. Your hand gripped the wood of the door a little tighter and your fingernails almost dug into the material as you tried to calm your heartbeat back to a normal pace. You wondered if Yoongi was feeling the same way at that moment and that’s why he tried to keep the conversation going.

His gaze glided around and seemed to search for the right topic while you were still standing somewhat awkwardly in the door frame of the bathroom.

“Oh, here you are,” you suddenly heard a voice coming from the hallway and both of you flinched at the same time. Liv stepped into your field of vision and your gaze inevitably fell on her hand, which wrapped itself almost possessively around Yoongi’s waist. “I’ve been looking for you,” she continued and gave him a broad smile. 

“Here I am,” he replied and put his arm around her shoulders. You felt the need to avert your gaze, but you couldn’t look away at the same moment. Again and again the thought came to your mind of what it would be like if you were standing right next to Yoongi and Liv was the one standing in your place at that moment. 

Without another word you stepped back and closed the door in front of them. If they were surprised or amazed because of this, you couldn’t see it anymore thanks to the wood. You turned the key in the lock and only then could you breathe again. You closed your eyes and pressed your fingertips against your temples, behind which a headache was already looming. You wondered once again whether all this had been a good idea.

A few minutes later you were squeezed on the bed between Jungkook and Liv. Luckily, Hoseok had decided to take the chair next to Jungkook’s bed, and Taehyung was still lying at the foot of the bed, stretched across its entire width. Not just once did you consider pushing him off the bed with a light kick against his back, but you managed to pull yourself together. 

You didn’t know the movie Taehyung had chosen and to be honest, you didn’t get much out of it. You had tried to concentrate on what was happening in front of you on the square device, but you were too distracted by the person two seats away.

Every few seconds you felt the need to look at him and you would love to tack your eyes firmly in place so that they would not take on a life of their own and look over to the dark-haired man. It was only a matter of time until one of the five people present would catch your glances and wonder why exactly you looked at Yoongi when your boyfriend was sitting right next to you.

Boyfriend. You didn’t even know if that was the term that could be used to describe you and Jungkook. You hadn’t talked about it, but had simply taken everything as it had come. Your first date was just a week ago, so it was too early to think about how you would categorize yourself. Especially since you would have an even worse conscience if Jungkook told you that he considered you to be more than just a little flirt.

You sighed softly and Jungkook pulled you a little harder against his side. His arm, which he had wrapped around you, also strengthened his grip. He pressed a feathery kiss on your hair and you had to suppress a shiver when you felt his lips against your ear. “Are you okay?” he whispered so softly that no one but you could hear it. The sounds of the movie drowned out most of your voices anyway.

You nodded, but otherwise remained quiet. That you would rather get up and go home, you kept to yourself. You snuggled up against Jungkook’s shoulder a little further and tried again to concentrate on the film. But once again it was as if your eyes were attracted by two magnets and tried to find their way to Yoongi. The only difference this time, though, was that your eyes were looking directly into Yoongi’s.

Your heart stopped for a moment and you could feel the air getting stuck in your windpipe. His head was turned slightly towards you and he looked at you over Liv’s head, who had placed her head on his chest. He was not even half a meter away from you. If you reached out your hand, you’d–

You clenched your hand into a fist to prevent them from following your thoughts. Yoongi continued to look at you and you saw from a short distance how he slightly pulled his eyebrows together in confusion. Your gaze fell on the small, almost invisible wrinkle that formed in between and again you felt the need to stroke your fingers over it. You wondered if his skin was soft and if you could feel the warmth under your fingertips. You generally wondered what would happen if you came into physical contact with him. 

Would you feel the same feeling that you experienced a little over a week ago when the black lines formed on your skin? And would the desire that radiated from your entire body finally disappear? Or even get worse?

You did not know how long you looked at each other so intimately. But you flinched hard when Liv suddenly screamed out and buried her face in Yoongi’s chest. You heard Hoseok and Taehyung laughing and Jungkook’s upper body shook with laughter as well before he gave you a kiss on the forehead. You suspected that something scary had happened in the movie. And Jungkook, the perfect man he was, thought that you were scared too. Yet you had been thinking about his best friend, with whom you had intensive eye contact for probably minutes or god knew how long.

You counted the seconds, everything, just to distract yourself from Yoongi and whose look you could still feel on you. This time you really pulled yourself together and wouldn’t look at him. You didn’t know if Liv had noticed your glances. But if she had, you would certainly have to hear about it soon.

You tried not to make it too obvious how relieved you were when the credits finally rolled over the screen and everyone started stretching and grunting as some bones cracked.

“I have to go,” Taehyung said with a quick glance at his phone. “I’m sure Sally is waiting for me.”

“Who is Sally again,” Hoseok asked confused and almost slipped off his chair as he stretched extensively once more. “The blonde with the pink streaks?”

“That’s Nathalie,” Taehyung explained briefly and rolled off the bed. He elegantly landed on his feet and strolled into the hallway where he gathered his clothes and started to get dressed.

“We’ll get going too, right, Yoongles?” Liv stroked Yoongi across his chest, who at first didn’t react to her question but had his eyes on something in the room. When he noticed that the attention was on him, he looked at Liv in surprise.

“How was that?” he asked and you saw Liv rolling her eyes as she propped herself up and left the bed as well.

“Come, let’s go,” she almost ordered him and joined Taehyung. For a moment, there was an unpleasant atmosphere between you. The air was almost electrified, although you weren’t sure if Jungkook could feel it. Now that Liv had disappeared between you and Yoongi, you felt like he was even closer to you. 

But before you could think about Yoongi any further, he also pulled himself up and moved to the foot of the bed. You tried not to pay too much attention to the places where the white shirt stretched when he stood up or the muscles in his arms when he adjusted the short sleeves of it.

Your attention was drawn at just the right moment by Jungkook, who brushed a strand of hair from your face and tucked it behind your ear. You turned your head towards him and tried to concentrate on his words. “Will you stay the night?” he asked quietly so Hoseok couldn’t hear him. 

You hesitated and searched for the right words to make the impending rejection as painless as possible. Immediately, Jungkook felt your insecurity. “That was just a question, I’m not angry with you if you would rather go home. After all, it’s during the week,” he quickly added.

Oh God, how could someone be so sweet?

You looked at him with gratitude. “Perhaps next time?”

Jungkook nodded and a warm smile spread across his face. “Next time,” he agreed and loosened his grip around you to get up. 

“Yo, Hobi-Hyung, will you put a pizza in the oven for me on my way back?”

Hoseok looked up from his cell phone, which he had been immersed in for the last few minutes. “I was about to make ramen, would you rather have some of that?”

Jungkook gave him a thumbs up and grabbed a hoodie that had apparently been lying on the floor next to the bed. He slipped it on and you said goodbye to Hoseok.

You didn’t know if you were relieved or a little baffled when you stepped into the hallway and realized that Taehyung, Liv and Yoongi had already left.

❀ ❀ ❀ ❀

About an hour and a half later, you were lying in your bed with your blanket wrapped tightly around you to force the cold out of your bones. It was much cooler in the evening now and you could feel the autumn in the starting lines. Yet you knew that the cold in your body had nothing to do with the weather. You just wanted to sleep and forget all about today. But every time you closed your eyes, two brown eyes appeared in front of you, staring at you with many questions.

You tried not to interpret too much into Yoongi’s behavior and whether he had already seen through you and Liv. Your eyes fell on the small digital alarm clock that stood next to your bed on the nightstand. Just after midnight. You had your first class tomorrow morning at eight, which increased the pressure on you to fall asleep as quickly as possible.

With a frustrated sigh you closed your eyes and tried to calm your breathing. You knew that breathing was the most important thing when it came to bringing your body to rest. Slowly you inhaled. One, two, three, four. Hold your breath. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. And exhale. One, two, three, four–

Your breath faltered when suddenly a stabbing pain filled your body. You quickly sat up and ripped the blanket from you before you pressed your flat hand on your upper body. It felt as if your upper body was being compressed and your heart was no longer pumping blood but blazing flames through your veins.

You turned to your bedside lamp and switched it on. Immediately your room was flooded with a warm, soothing light, which calmed you down a bit. The pain eased a little and subsided to a dull roar deep in your bones. But this relief did not last long. A few seconds later you flinched again as the pain took your breath away and made you curl up on your bed. 

What the hell?

For a moment, you thought about calling an ambulance. As far as you know, it could be anything; a heart attack, a pinched nerve, maybe you ate something bad. 

But then you concentrated on the pain and tried to locate where exactly it radiated from. The flames froze inside you when you realized that the pain seemed to come directly from your heart. And you knew more than well that it was probably not your heart, but rather what was on the skin above it. 

Fuck. Shit. Big, stinking shit. A whole fucking mountain of shit to be honest.

You took one deep breath before you finally picked up your phone and dialed a well-known number. It rang a few times, he probably had gone to sleep some time ago. Your assumption was confirmed when you heard the sleepy voice on the other end of the line.

“Hey, sweetie. Is everything okay?” your father asked and you could hear the concern in his voice.

“Hey, Dad,” you greeted him. Your fingers were playing with a thread of your blanket, which must have come loose to suppress the trembling in them. “Sorry to call so late.”

“No, it’s all right. I was still awake anyway,” he lied. The tiredness in his voice was clearly audible, but you had to smile slightly at his words.

“I think I screwed up,” it slipped out of you without a second thought and you felt your throat tighten. The first hot tears rolled down your cheeks and you suppressed the sobbing that was rising inside you. 

“Hey, hey, what’s going on,” he asked, even more worried than he already was. “Whatever you did, we will fix it.”

“I don’t think it’s that easy,” you said in a shaky voice. You took a deep breath to stop the tears and sobbing. “I have a soulmate.”

For a moment it was silent. Only the soft static of the call was heard, then you heard your father sigh softly. “That’s actually a great thing, sweetheart.”

“No, it’s not and you know it.” You didn’t want to be defiant, but the words tumbled over your tongue before you could hold them back. 

“Having a soulmate is the most beautiful thing there is, Y/N,” he corrected you, and you were glad to hear no trace of anger in his voice. “But that’s certainly not the reason you called me, is it?”

Your father knew you too well. You swallowed the lump in your throat and asked, “Have you ever had a sharp pain in your heart from… this whole thing?”

Your father hummed softly as he thought. A moment later he answered no. “So you’re not talking about that feeling you had when that name was written on your skin, right?”

“No, that felt different,” you thoughtfully said. The feeling had been piercing, but only for a short time. It had lasted maybe a second or two, while now you still felt the dull pain inside you and had the feeling of not being able to breathe. 

“Is that all I need to know or are you hiding something else from me,” your father said and you chewed your lower lip.

“Maybe. Liv and I may have made a pact and she’s pretending to be me to be with my soulmate.” You knew there was no point lying to your father or continuing to hide the story. After all, you wanted help from him and you only got it if he knew everything. 

“Y/N!” he shouted and you jumped in surprise. “Do you know what that means?”

“No, that’s why I called you.” You were worried by his undertone. He wasn’t angry, more like… if you didn’t know any better, you’d describe his voice as almost frightened.

“You need to clear this up with Liv right now.”

“What? Why is that?” Your heart sank at the clear and decisive words of your father. 

“How long has it been since you got the tattoo?”

You thought for a moment and you counted back the days. “About 10 days. Why?”

You heard in the background how your father seemed to get up from bed and walk across the parquet floor. “Ten days is exactly the time when two soulmates should have found each other. I once read a story about a guy who was in the same situation as you are now.” You heard him flipping through a book. “Ah, here it is. Honey, you really need to talk to Liv. It’s not good that she’s with your soulmate.”

“Not good?” you repeated. That your idea was not the best, you began to understand. But it didn’t go beyond that. Did it?

“Every time Liv and he… become intimate,” you grimaced at his statement, “your whole body resists. It’s almost begging for you to find your soulmate.”

You remained silent for a moment, the unspoken question hung in the room and you hardly dared to fetch it down and ask it. But you knew that you needed reassurance. “What happens if I don’t tell him the truth? And Liv continues to be with him?”

Your father was silent for a long time. You heard him sigh and his voice sounded weak when he explained: “Have you ever heard of swans dying of heartbreak when their partner dies?” You remained silent. You knew what your father was getting at. “If you and Liv keep this up, your heart can’t take the pressure and eventually gives in because it’s too weak.”

“Does this mean that I…?”

“Yes, you are dying, Y/N.”

Oh oh, that doesn’t look too good for Reader. 

I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! From now on the chapters get a bit more angsty, I hope you don’t mind. I also try to put chapters out more quickly because I finally have some time to write. As always, any kind of feedback is really appreciated and I’m really excited about every comment or ask I get. ☺️

I hope you have an amazing weekend and a great start into the next week. See you soon! 💜

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[smol-and-grumpy]

Legally Yours - Ch. 26

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester tops the list of hottest entrepreneurs 2020 and yet, there’s still something he wants but can’t have because, in order to get that, he would have to settle down and get married. She agrees too quickly because she wants to secure a more comfortable life for her and her daughter. Will she be able to help Dean get what he wants without losing herself in the fake story they spin up to deceive his father and the world?

Chapter Warnings: We’re still at the angst, because someone’s obviously still an idiot. We also might detect some jealousy. 

WC: 4214

Beta’d by: @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​ <3

This series is complete on Patreon

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Five days later, she’s sitting in her kitchen, job application website open on her laptop while Bobby’s at work and Olivia’s at school.

The first night was hard on the girl. Olivia crawled into bed with her, spinning up tales that she missed her toys they left at Dean’s but she is sure that a part of the little girl’s heart is aching for Dean because hers is too. 

Y/N hasn’t heard from him and it took everything in her not to shoot him a message and ask him how he’s doing. She’s fairly certain that if she would choose to go down that road, she’ll get weak and that’s against the new rule that she’s set up for herself in order to protect herself and her family.

Donna sent her a text when she arrived back at her old apartment, asking how her honeymoon was going and when Y/N told her that she’s back, Donna offered to come over. They sat around the tiny kitchen table with boxed wine between them, drinking and talking. Yeah, boxed wine. Over are the days of cheap bottles. Well, she reckons she could afford it with the money from the marriage contract but she’d rather not as she has a future to think about. 

She didn’t sulk, didn’t allow herself to. She needed to be strong for Olivia and keep it all together. Her friend parted with a promise to help her find a man who she deserved. She only smiled. Couldn’t find it in her heart to say that she’s not looking for a man, that she thinks that Dean’s ruined her for all other men, that she’s most likely destined to be alone forever. At least she has Liv, and honestly, that’s all that counts. God, she’s so glad to have that little girl. She would have been broken beyond repair if it wasn't for Liv. 

While she touches up her CV at the kitchen table where she poured her heart out to Donna the evening before, her phone starts to buzz next to her. Her heart jumps. She hates the buzz of her phone because she’ll always think that it could be Dean and when it’s not him, she will always feel so deflated. Somehow, she’s okay with the situation but a little part of her still hopes that he would change his mind and come back to her. 

This time it’s no different when she looks at her phone. If anything, it’s even worse. Sam’s calling. 

She debates on not picking up but decides that she has to because he’s probably calling about the annulment. It’s really the only thing left that keeps her tied to Dean on a contractual level, and after she signs that, it’s like the marriage never existed. 

“Sam?”

“Yeah, uh, hi, Y/N,” The man can be heard on the other end. A little breath leaves him, and she can imagine that he’s smiling. Ever the friendly Sam. She can’t lie, she misses him too. 

“You’re calling about the annulment?” She gets straight to the point. There’s really no point in stretching this out unnecessarily. 

“Um, actually no. Dean’s not really talkative and he’s not going to sign it.” 

“What do you mean he’s not going to sign it?” She doesn’t understand, has a hard time wrapping her head around it. Why did Dean still want to be married to her when she walked away from him? There’s no point in pretending anymore and she has made up her mind. The only way she’s going is forward and not back. She wants to move on. 

“Don’t worry about it. He’s only been back two days, I need time to talk him through it. We should have the annulment finalized by Monday, I promise.” 

“I trust you,” She says into the receiver, because she does. If someone can talk sense into Dean, it will probably be Sam. “How is he?” 

“Do you want to hear the truth or do you want me to lie to make you feel better?” 

“Lie.” 

“He’s doing great.” 

“That’s good.” 

Sam snorts, “Well, I knew you'd feel better if you knew that he’s doing okay without you.”

“You’re right. I don’t want him to feel bad but somehow I also want him to, you understand?”

A burst of laughter rumbles on the other end, “I know,” Sam replies, “He’s a gigantic dick, Y/N. I think he knows that and he’s beating himself up for it. He’s been back at work for two days and according to Rowena, it’s hell. He doesn’t talk to anyone and if he opens his mouth, it’s to shout at people.” 

“Wow, he’s coping well.” 

The man laughs again, “Dean’s never been good at taking rejections. He’ll get over it, eventually. Someday. Maybe. Well,” Sam pauses and exhales loudly, “Tell you the truth, I don’t think he’ll get over it. I’ve never seen him like this and it scares me, hence me calling you.” 

Y/N feels sorry for him. And there she thought that she was miserable without him. Somehow it gives her a little satisfaction to know that he’s doing just as bad, if not worse. Can anyone blame her to feel like this?

“I’m not going to go back to him just so that he’ll stop being an ass to other people.” 

“That’s not what I was going to ask you about.”

“Ah, why beat around the bush, Sam. What is it?”

Sam sighs, “Okay, as you might know, Dean hasn’t told anyone that you two broke up.” 

“Why am I not surprised?” She hopes Sam can feel through the phone how hard she’s rolling her eyes right now.

“Shush,” Sam scolds  and continues before she can say sorry for interrupting him, “He has a charity gala to attend tonight, and it would be great if you would accompany him.”

The bark of laughter that leaves her mouth is hard to hold back, “You what?” 

Sam’s not laughing, “I mean it, Y/N. He’s not doing great and he has to attend. Technically you are still his wife and you have a contract, so..”

“Oh, please, don’t come at me with a contract, Sam. Dean told me that I’m allowed to walk away. He said that he doesn’t need me to get the shares. He wasn’t the one stopping me when I walked out on him, so tell me, why should I do this? Why should I pretend when I don’t have to anymore?”

“Because you still care about him,” 

Sam’s answer is a hit to her heart. She does. She cares so fucking much but also, that means that she’s not going to give in because it’s time to put herself first. She can’t hold herself together for Olivia’s sake when there’s nobody backing her up. She won’t go through this again. 

Of course Sam’s on Dean’s side. He’s friendly to her but if Sam would have to pick sides, it would always be Dean’s. 

“I’m sorry,” She says, her voice shaking a little. No, she’s not going to cry. Not again. Not anymore.

“Okay,” Sam relents too easily, “Can’t blame me for trying.” 

“No, I can’t. Dean’s lucky to have you as a friend.” She means it. 

“I’ll come to see you as soon as Dean signs the papers, Y/N.”

“Thank you.”

“Take care of yourself and Olivia, okay? And tell me if you need anything.”

“I will, Sam. Thanks.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

She hangs up before she can say goodbye. The phone drops onto the table and she’s back to burying her face into her arms as she sobs. 

*

 For the next five weeks, Y/N  tries to avoid looking at tabloids pages, instead, concentrating on Olivia and helping to ease the little girl back into her old environment. 

Of course there have been texts from Donna telling her that there’s no news from Dean, at least not with another woman. She knows that she shouldn’t care about it, because if he wants to date again, it’s his right, but somehow, she can’t help but feel the pinpricks in her heart. It’s not something bad but something good because it keeps her hopes alive for a while. After she was reluctant to answer Donna's text about Dean in the first two weeks, her friend has decided that she doesn’t want to update Y/N anymore. Which is also fine with her. The less she’s reminded of Dean, the quicker it will be to get over him.

She snorts out a laugh at that thought. Yeah, right. 

Bobby has been weird the last two weeks too. He went out to meetings, saying it has something to do with his union but she knows that he doesn’t even have a union so she really doesn’t have any explanation for the two to three times the man went AWOL when he should be home but again, it’s nothing that should worry her. Bobby is still young enough to have his own life. She guesses that it has to do with a new lady friend maybe. Maybe Bobby’s being cautious too, maybe he doesn’t want her and Olivia to know when things aren’t steady with the two. She couldn’t blame him for thinking like that.

Tonight is the first time in over a month that she feels comfortable enough to leave the security of her own home. Perhaps Donna has something to do with it, begging her to finally go out and face the world, and Y/N can’t lie that Donna’s not right. It’s time to face it like a grown-up. She can’t be buried in her four walls forever. She eventually has to go out and socialize. She’s been going out a lot for interviews but that’s about it. No company has called her back yet, though. Thankfully, she still has more than enough money to get by. 

As soon as she arrives at The Roadhouse and Donna sees her, the woman is quick to be by her side, “I have a surprise for you!” 

“Oh no,” Y/N rolls her eyes, “I hate surprises.” 

“It’s not bad, I just thought, you know,” 

“Donna,” She warns her friend. Somehow, she doesn’t like where this discussion is going. 

“There’s this guy, I invited him. He’s nice, so be nice, okay? He’s not going to be the love of your life, I know that too but you should put yourself out there, just a drink, okay? It will broaden up your horizon, maybe get your ex-husband out of your mind for a little bit.” 

Jesus, Donna’s talking a mile a minute. She barely understands what the woman is raving on about.

“What?”

“There,” Donna pulls her close, points a finger to the booth where Garth is sitting with someone whose back is turned to her. 

“Oh, Donna, no!”

“Why, Donna yes!” The blonde exclaims cheerily before placing her hands on Y/N shoulders and pushing her towards the booth. “His name is Cubbie.”

“Cub-what?” 

“It’s a nickname, Y/N.”

“If that’s the nickname I don’t wanna know about his real name.”

“Cuthbert. Cuthbert Sinclair, if you wanna know. He’s a magician.”

“That’s great. Super.” Y/N groans and turns around towards the exit but Donna’s hand is firm around her shoulders, guiding her back to where Garth is already standing up to make room for her. 

“Hey, Cubbie! This is Y/N, the woman I talked to you about.” Donna’s all smiles and somehow, Y/N’s hand itches to hurt her friend.

“I’m Y/N,” She says then. The only way is forward now. 

Cubbie, still what a fucking weird name, stands up and his hands immediately go to her arms and pulls her closer to press a wet kiss on her cheek. 

Ew. Oh no, this won’t end well. 

Reluctantly she sits down, wonders how long she has to sit here until she can get up and leave without being too rude. 

She lets him buy her a drink and he orders fries to share between them while they talk. It’s not exactly bad but they just share small talk about the weather and where they’re from.

“So, you’re a magician?” She tries to sound like she’s interested, wanting to get into the deeper conversational territory.

“Yeah,” Cubbie reaches over and strokes her hair behind her ear and when he sits back up, he shows her the coin that he apparently pulled out of her, a bright smile dotes his face. She does her best to resist the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Good god,” She exclaims and the man laughs. 

He goes on to tell her about magic, which she again, has no interest in listening to. Jesus, the man can talk. While she debates on maybe hurting herself with a toothpick to have a fucking reason to get out, Cubbie excuses himself to go to the bathroom but before he goes, he leans down next to her, “How about we’re doing a little disappearing act, huh?”

“Oh god,” She huffs out but Cubbie doesn’t get her blatant disinterest. He just smiles at her.

“Think about it, I’ll be right back.”

Good riddance, is what she wants to say but doesn’t. Instead, she smiles a faux smile.

While he’s gone, she takes out her phone, shooting Bobby a text that she’ll probably won’t be that long when he feels someone is taking a seat in the booth opposite of her. 

“Back alread—”

The word won’t come out because it’s not Cubbie who’s sitting across from her but Dean. 

He has a cap on his head, is dressed casually in a black t-shirt underneath a blue plaid shirt. There are faint black circles under his eyes. He has shaved off his beard but from the length of the stubble, she can tell that he’s in the process of growing it out again. 

“C’mon, Y/N, seriously? That guy?” He asks, sounding offended, and honestly, it’s not what she really wants the first thing out his mouth to be after not being on speaking terms for over a month.

“It’s none of your business, Dean.” She snaps at him. 

“You’re right. It isn’t.” He agrees, “What is he? An accountant?”

“He has a name and he’s a magician.”

Dean barks out a laugh and even though it’s mean, she can’t help but smirk with him. 

“His name is Cubbie.” She adds, which earns another hearty laugh from Dean.

“Cubbie the magician?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“I don’t know if he has a stage name,” Y/N shrugs, “He asked me if I wanna do a disappearing act with him.”

“Oh, he will disappear, alright,” Dean growls angrily. 

She can’t read him. Why is he here, why is he crashing her blind date? So she asks, “Dean, what is this? Why are you here?” 

“I’m here every week to see if you’ll be here.”

“You know that there are phones, right?” 

“Would you have answered the phone if I called?” He challenges her and she holds his gaze. He’s right, she probably wouldn’t, even if she was hoping that he’d call but she doesn’t think that she would have picked it up because she doesn’t know if her heart can take what he’s going to tell her over the phone. “Yeah, I thought so. How’s Olivia?”

“She’s good. She enjoys being back at school. She’s going on a field trip in two weeks and I think I’m going to go along to chaperone.” 

Honestly, Y/N has no idea why she’s telling him that. Why she easily falls into a conversion with him about little things. But it feels easy, it feels like meeting an old friend. Someone where she can just pick up where they left off, even if they haven’t seen each other for a long time. Dean was her friend, she can’t deny that, and she guesses the reason why she feels at ease is that her heart can’t forget it either.

“I can do that, too,” Dean suggests without even thinking twice.

“Dean, she’s none of your concern, we’re fine without you.” Her words might be too harsh but he needs a reminder that not everything revolves around him. 

“Great.” He mumbles as Cubbie comes back from the bathroom. The poor guy stands there and is a little irritated by Dean’s presence. 

“You ready to leave?” Cubbie asks, straight up ignoring Dean’s presence and she has to give him that. It takes balls. Dean’s not someone who can be ignored. He’s tall and broad and yeah, awfully good looking. 

She stands up, nodding her head. Even if she has no intention of going anywhere with Cubbie, she also knows that she can’t stay here with Dean.

When she walks away, Dean holds her back by her wrist. The touch of him is almost too much to bear and she stills, has to close her eyes as she tries to breathe evenly. 

“You’re leaving with him? Seriously?” 

Opening her eyes to look at the source of the voice, she can clearly see the irritation on Dean’s face. 

Pulling her hand from his hold, she brings it close to her chest, fearing that she’d reach out if she let her heart decide over her mind, “It’s none of your business, Dean. You had your chance but you blew it. I’m trying to move on.” 

Dean stands up too and he’s close. The warmth radiates from him. Her body betrays her a little, sways a little closer to him. Cubbie is a couple of steps ahead but he stalls and looks back, waiting for her to follow him out. She wants to, she really does, it’s just so hard to move when the magnetic pull of Dean wraps itself around her. 

“Now, say it again a little more convincingly. Make me believe it.” Dean demands with a gruff voice while he crosses his arms over his chest, his palms nearly disappearing into his armpits, as if he too, has to resist reaching out to touch her again when it’s not what she wants.

How is it possible that he still can read her like a book? It’s not fucking fair. 

She narrows her eyes, staring him down. “You’re an ass, Dean.” She hisses and pushes out of the door, past Cubbie. When she’s out, she flags down a cab and gets in. Only when the driver rounds the street of the first block does she realize that she left Cubbie at the bar. Great. Now the act with her leaving the bar with some date is even less convincing to Dean. 

God, she’s a failure. 

 *

 “You know he still cares deeply about you, right?” Donna flops down on Y/N’s worn out couch with a bottle of beer in hand and Y/N walks over to join her friend with her glass of red wine. 

The incident at the bar in which Dean had held a metaphorical pissing competition against an oblivious Cubbie was four days ago. Almost a distant memory. She hasn’t heard from the magician, but also it’s not really surprising since they didn’t even exchange their numbers and Donna has not mentioned him again. At least there’s that. 

She frowns for a moment, “Cubbie? He barely knows me.”

Her friend rolls her eyes to the back and takes a pull at the bottle, “Dean, dummy!”

“Yeah, well, he has a hell of a way of showing it.” She grumbles, burying her face into her goblet and tips it back to take a big gulp. 

Donna admitted after the incident that she watched them with amusement. Poor Cubbie was standing there lost and sulked away on his own. Apparently, Dean grinned brightly, and god, just the image of him being so joyful and cocky about her misery makes her want to smack him across the face. But for that, she would have to see him again, which she won’t. Nope. Not going there. She can’t move on when he keeps popping up.

“You don’t see it, do you?” Donna tilts her head that’s resting on the back of the old faded sofa, cocking her eyebrow as she asks.

“See what?” Y/N eyebrows match her friend’s. 

“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” Donna huffs out, followed by a giggle. Okay, the woman should definitely not drink any more beer, also since tomorrow is Monday and she has to work. Y/N for her part, is still struggling with finding a job that would keep her head above water. She’s debating on taking two lesser paid jobs but then again, there would be no time left to spend with Liv and since she’s making Liv her priority, she keeps on searching. The blonde lays her hand on Y/N’s thigh, squeezes it, “He’s so fucking in love.”

With knitted eyebrows, she glares at her friend. Dean? In love? Has that been obvious? She shakes her head, “That’s not what he told me,” 

Her friend sits up straight and turns to her before taking a big swig of her beer and slams it onto the coffee table. Y/N gets irritated, shushes her friend with a nudge of her elbow. Liv is sleeping next door, and Donna usually knows that she has to be fucking quiet. 

“Oops,” Donna says with a shrug, and they both freeze to listen if Liv has woken up because of the noise. When they don’t hear a sound, they both breathe out in relief. Yeah, there’s no chance Donna will get another beer from her tonight. The blonde grins at her. A grin that spells mischief, “Have you ever thought that Dean Winchester, a guy who’s never been in love might not know how it feels to be in love? Have you ever thought that he might be so fucking gone on you and tries to identify his feelings but he can’t because he doesn’t fucking knows what it is?” 

God, Donna talks a mile a minute and Y/N’s brain is having trouble catching on and processing. 

Her friend pauses to wriggle her eyebrows at her but otherwise, Donna doesn’t say anything because she waits until it settles. 

Memories of the last day on the beach flashed in her mind. She recalls him asking her how she knows when you love someone and her answer was you just know. 

Could it be that he was struggling then already? He probably was but she was too deep in her own mind that she didn’t really notice.

“No,” She answers.

“No, what?” Donna asks.

“No, I have never thought that he doesn’t know how it feels to be in love. But I mean, he’s loved his mother, right? He loves Sam to a certain extent. He’s a grown ass man. He should know how he fucking feels.”

“My god, your skull is thicker than I thought.” Donna rolls her eyes dramatically. “Loving a parent is not the same as loving a partner, duh! And with Sam. There’s the bro thing, I guess? They love each other but it’s just all caveman-esque grunting and a lot of back-slapping involved. It’s how I love you,”

“You love me while you grunt and slap my back?” 

“Shut up!” Donna laughs, “Anyway, where was I...oh! Yes. Listen, Y/N, maybe you’ve been too harsh on him. I mean, yeah, of course, you have Liv to care about but don’t tell me that Liv was heartbroken when you brought her back to this place.”

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth in thought. When she snaps out of it, she tips her wine glass back and empties it in one go.

Her friend watches her, pauses to let the things she said sink in. God, she doesn’t know why Donna’s only talking about Dean now. It’s been what? Almost two months. Where was Donna when she needed that kinda talk at the beginning when she left Dean? Donna was always here, her mind says, you just didn’t want to burden anyone and you thought that you could manage everything on your own. 

“Fact is, Y/N. I’ve never seen him like this. He barely goes out, even if he’s invited to events. The gossip sites avoid him because he became a grump while picking up fights with photographers, and don’t even get me started on the last TV appearance where he only gave short, snappish answers, making the stupidly hot interviewer very uncomfortable. A couple of months ago, he would have charmed the woman and they probably would have fucked when the producer yelled cut.”

“How do you know they didn’t?” She asks, and she doesn’t even know why she asks because the thought of him hooking up and going back to being his old self does make her feel a little uncomfortable and admittedly, jealous.

“Honestly? Maybe because the interviewer told a tabloid that she refuses to interview Dean again because he’s a dick.” 

“Well, he is a dick, she’s right.” She says drily, and she’s standing behind her opinion, it’s just now that Donna has said all those things that it makes her really wonder if she’s been too harsh to Dean. Maybe he just needed more time to figure out what he was feeling. But again, it’s too late now, isn’t it?

Ch. 27

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