#maybe its just because i dont feel good right now but. god. im so tired of it.

[three-bunnies-in-a-trenchcoat]

I need to finish this chapter so I can get my three comments but frankly I don't want to

[possibly-eli]

loving the chronic trauma of being disabled in a world that is actively disdainful towards me. gestures vaguely at all the bullshit i have going on with the HSE making it thrice difficult to get my disability allowance. and the bullying. and the education system. and the ableism from my own parents. and the ableism from people who i used to call my friends. and the general lack of understanding

[tofapam]

AFTERWARD

Summary: Genya's S/O survived the battle fighting Muzan and how it effects her after it.

Disclaimer: Spoiler after the training arc and it contains angst with no fluff ending.

I'm sorry mate, English is not my first language

We got separated eventually, i was contradicted to believe in him at that time, i thought i could comprehend both of our trust that we build with each others from the start. He always tries his best to be better, good God he has a mind of his own, why did i think i have the authority to always save him?

Save him.

Save him save him.

Save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him.

Save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him save him SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM SAVE HIM.

I just want Genya to make a promise to me to survive, i didnt even care if i'm going to die here, im not a hashira after all, but no matter how i tried i dont have the courage to told him....

From the look of his eyes I know he waited for me to say something, but this is not a place to show expressions, I don't wanna get distracted.

Who am i kidding, i was never good at expressing my own thoughts.

He survived fighting uppermoon 4 and 5, he'll survive this war, he must be, i dont need to tell him to survived, he'll live right? I don't have to worry too much.

The battle ended 3 months ago, many flowers are putted on every grave of the people that are miscarry after fighting Muzan with the others,"Zenitsu san, don't you think its disrespectful to whine about the time we have to put these flowers on everybody's graves?" Zenitsu keeps whining, althought it die down after i tried to talk with him to make him feel less tired and bored.

A few hours later, its almost done, only one more grave. "Tanjiro, can you tell the others not to wait for me after this?" Tanjiro raised his eyebrows,"is everything alright?" I tried to explain everything to him, thankfully he understands my purpose, i gave a smile to him as a silent thank you after i saw him leave with the others.

It has been a breezy day lately, its very calming, i have been waiting for this weather to come, I put the flowers on the graves, I never dared to look at its name. I always hate this one grave personally, last time I look at its name I can't even bear to hold my tears to look at it.

I still remember our last conversation.

He thought I would be the last person to stay on his gravestone, he was wrong.

I turned out to be the first person to leave his gravestone, i respected Sanemi for staying there longer than anyone could, because I know myself, if i look at Genya's name craved on the stone more than one minute I can't hold back all my despair.

Now, it's already 3 months after the battle. I thought i finally had the courage to look at your gravestone longer than before, Genya. But no matter how many times I tried i can't help to have such a heavy emotion.

"I'm sorry we didn't have a proper goodbye,"I don't even know how many times i said that word.

For a few months i try my best to keep on living until now, Tanjiro and Nezuko tried to make me ate more saying that my proportion was too small. I just thought, maybe if i eat less i could die faster so i can meet you, but will you look at me after i die? I doubt it, you're probably already feel happy to be with your family again.

One thing that is always on my mind is, if you still alive, will we still be together?

I don't even want to think about it anymore.

[tyunkus]

haiiii kumi :3 its been awhile but i saw ur post ab tyun w a daddy/sir kink n lemme js share my thoughts ! ^_^ (i sincerely apologize if this doesn't make sense im vvv tired rn n i should be sleep LOL)

taehyun would loooove to be called sir even in your guys daily life! like if he were to ask you to do a simple task for him and you said "yes sir" he would definitely pop a boner right then n there.. like its just something that makes him feel a bit more empowered yk? js adds to his big ass ego 🤭 n when you're giving him head n he praises u, "oh god, fuck yn you're doing so good," "i am? am i really doing good sir?" like hes so whipped for everything you do but this just adds to his obsession with you.

just makes him thrust harder into your mouth, letting out such sweet noises just for you to hear :( keeps telling you how pretty you look when tears are running down your face and your lips are glossy from his cum...

when he finally cums down your throat, he reaches down to give you a kiss, some of his cum still smeared on your lips, but he doesnt care because thats just him showing you how good you make him feel :3

hmm i think the sir kink could also work with ceo &/or professor tyun?

maybe he calls you to his office to discuss some paperwork thats due soon and has you work him through it— but not because he doesnt understand, no no no, everyone knew mr kang was a very smart man— he just liked the way his name rolled of your tongue, and how you look up at him with such beaming eyes 🥹 "do you understand it now sir?" "hmm, maybe you could explain this part one more time?" sisgsigeieeg he loves to hear you talk to him in such a proper way while thinking of how he could destroy you (if you let him, which we all know you would ☝️)

or maybe you're just asking him for help on something in his class! (i love dumbification w tyun so...) which somehow ended up with you sitting in his lap with your back against his chest, papers all sprawled out on the desk in front of you and his fingers rubbing your clit in small and slow circular motions, while he asks you for the nth time, "yn, cmon baby, solve it for me. then ill let you cum okay?" "dumb little girl, cant even pay attention in my class because shes too busy fantasizing about how good id fuck her huh? thats why you needed help?"

IDK HOW ELSE TO ELABORATE W THIS SO DO WHAT U WILL WITH IT!!! luv u kumiii (∩_∩)

- 🌟

star anon im so sorry i wish i knew what to add to this BUT I DONT ITS ALREADY SO PERFECT. like taehyun would love being called sir/daddy so much + TAEHYUN BEING STERN + PRAISE + HUMILIATION + DUMBIFICATION AHHUEHRJRJ

[dragon-queen21]

HIII MEE AGAINN i need to talk about baby giyuu because im a sucker for him and he NEEDS more agere content

this ones also kinda sad because, im sad, giyuus sad, we are all sad, yknow?

-hmmm i dont know im a sucker for the idea that he wouldnt know he particularly regresses until someone finds him like that and after taking care of him, the moment hes okay and big again they have to explain that no giyuu, your not just tired. your tired AND a age regressor. and that being SHOCKING for giyuu man, my boy has self loathing thoughts on a good day, imagine hin having to come to terms with his brain making hin act like a baby for a while is probably worse than finding out he was a hashira (haha manga moment)

- and in that case,, vent regressor ☹️

most of the time he wont be little until hes too foggy to do anything he needs to, and then that accompanied by the fact he thinks no one likes him, so now hes lonely and hes too little he thinks to be alone, ah, this is a recipe for a meltdown huh?

him on a mission with one other hashira or something on a time where he is too foggy, and he makes a big mistake and the other person there gets mad at him , and starts yelling at him saying that that mistake could have cost them their lives, not entirely in a bad way, the others just concerned for him because tomiokas not the kinda guy to make a big mistake like that. and giyuu is not in the right place to be scolded like that and just bursts into tears, like straight up wailing, covering his face, kicking his feet, and the other one there is confused, why is tomioka having a.. dare they say tantrum?

^i feel like after alls well and good, hes big again, hes apologized, he realizes just how important it is to take care of his little side.

- i feel like tengen would be a good cg for him, also would probably be the first to know giyuus a little. amazing hearing and all, could probably hear baby babbles from a couple miles away, and at first hes like oh i wonder who that is 🤔🤨 yknow in a suuppeeer gossipy way because, we all know he gossips come ON now, but when he makes his way to the water hashiras estate hes like oh! oh. and now hes confronted with A) go inside and take care of him or B) leave and never speak of this again.

spoiler alert, he picks A. i mean, assuming giyuus little here, it wouldnt be that hard, i mean, his wives are littles too its not like hes not expierenced, and giyuus not exactly too much to handle so..

OH MY GOD THIS WRAPPING AROUND TO THE FIRST POINT HERE WHATT “im a sucker for the idea that he wouldnt know he particularly regresses until someone finds him like that” IM JUST LIKE THWT no can you see i have like the same three ideas in my head

- anyhow i feel like giyuu would be a not only a smaller regressor but definitely a easy going kid. he does NOT have the energy to do anything else but sit and babble, maybe on a good day he’ll even play with some toys (tengen bought him) (tengens his main cg for a LONG time)

- i think he’d go to a few meetings, uh, not quite little but foggy, a indication he needs to be little. on those times he wont really, listen to the master, just nod his head with ecerything he says because he does not trust himself to talk right now, and will normally ask shinobu for everything important when hes big again.

it does not go well when kagaya (i think, the master) asks giyuu a question and giyuu is fighting demons to not only answer, but answer without slurring words. he thinks ge did pretty good, untill the other hashira are giving him strange looks, and tengen has a look of sheer “oh godohgodohgod” and hes big enough to know hes absolutely cooked

OKIEIM DONE IMDONEBYAYYYYY well oh no because this is so sad um!!!!!!!? sorry?!!! most times these asks go based off my mood sorry for making giyuu a angst fest!!!! byeeeeee

📷

I do know. Do you know how much of my angst writing comes because I’m once again depressed? Well let me tell you, it’s most of it. Y’all should see my ao3 haha. Agere angst is some of my favorite things to write about :3

You and me 🤝 projecting onto characters

~~~

~Giyu: “No no, I’m just tired. Nothing else. Maybe a bit dissociative.”

The pillar that found him: “no, no you’re definitely regressing”

~Giyu pushing himself to the very limit because he’s already a burden, acting like a child, not having control over the way his mind fogs and he wants to do nothing more than curl up in someone’s lap and cry. But Shinobu reminds him that everyone hates him, acting like a baby won’t help even if her words hurt more than anything and Tanjiro’s hurt, his baby brother who he failed to protect, and he fails everyone around him, and why can’t he just be a child when everything was okay and simple…

~at the very least he has to do something to manage the headspace. So he lets himself be small, but do nothing more than sit and wallow in the feeling. He doesn’t deserve to be comfortable.

~Tengen finding out he’s a regressor (why him? because dad Tengen obviously :3 ) and trying to buy the little comfort items like blankets and a pacifier

~Oh hey lol I wrote this part before reading more of what you wrote. XD Can you tell I have a one track mind for my favorite characters?

~Giyu just lets himself go with whatever is happening around him, not enough energy to put up a fight. The only thing that might happen is he would start crying if he got overwhelmed

~What that’s such a good plot reference. Giyu trying to hide his regression and being like “I’m doing a great job, no one suspects a thing.”

~Tengen meanwhile: Dying. Actually dying of not only second hand embarrassment but also of the urge to grab his boy and take him far away from the disaster that is no doubt about to play out before him

[lunathebee]

Pairing: Steven Grant x fem!reader

Warning: none just cheesy fluff

A/n: I love lego flowers so much but its so heckin expensive in my country ugh, i changed the plot a tiny bit if u dont mind @spicydonut25

Summary: Y/n brings the perfect gift for Steven on their date.

Meeting Steven was strange, and dating him is even stranger. The British man seems to drive Y/n crazy (in the best way possible) because he doesn't fit in any male category that the internet offers.

Y/n's eyes are starting to get tired from looking at the laptop's screen, scrolling mindlessly through the lists of gifts that everyone thinks are good ideals for a man. But they're all wrong! This is not any man; this is Steven! For God's sake, he doesn't need perfume or a pair of sneakers.

Y/n cursed under her breath. She wants to get the perfect gift for Steven; the poor guy should keep a random trinket she found at his table like a lucky charm.

*ting*

The sound catches Y/n's attention. Quickly tossing the laptop aside, she reaches for the phone to see what's up.

*Hi Im just texting to make sure our date are on Friday 7pm this week yea?*

It seems to be a text from Steven himself; he always wants to double check everything and tries his best to be on time. Y/n can't help smiling while tapping the screen and typing back a reply.

*Yep, im looking forward to meet u soon <3*

Steven replied almost immediately after, but instead of making Y/n happy, it made her stomach churn with anxiety.

*Me too, got a small surprise for you*

Y/n sighed tiredly; she can't believe Steven had already gotten her a present, and here she is, on her bed, with a blank mind. Would a new jacket do the trick? or a bag? or maybe something for little Gus.

Y/n returns to scrolling on her laptop, looking at the many items that flash on the shopping website. And just when she thinks her luck has run out, she notices something. 

Lego.

Not only Lego, but Lego's flowers! The store even had the flowers that Steven gifted Y/n on their first date, the type of flowers that Steven was so determined to get that he ran to five different stores to find them and almost missed the date.

Y/n smiles to herself while thinking back on the memories. This sure would be a very thoughtful gift for Steven, and plus, his desk will look better with it as a decoration (not a random trinket).

Feeling satisfied, Y/n added the lego set to her cart and completed the payment, thinking about how happy her lover would be.

===☾︎ ☾︎ ☾︎===

"You're early!" Y/n exclaimed when she arrived at the spot and already saw Steven sitting there, waiting for her. "Traffic is terrible; I should have left the house earlier."

"No, no, it's alright, you're right on time." Steven smiled and stood up to hug Y/n, sneaking in a quick kiss on her cheek too.

"Oh and here," Steven said, letting go of his lover and reaching into the pocket, pulling something out to show. "A present, as promised."

It was a beige box with silk ribbon wrapped around it, forming a bow. Y/n's face lit up when she eagerly took the box from Steven's hand, quickly unwrapping it. "A keychain! of my favorite animal!" Y/n said out loud before holding it near her eyes, seeing how the glitter sparkled under the street light.

Steven swears it's the most beautiful sight ever, seeing how excited Y/n is over his small gift. It's not very exaggerated to say he is a bar of ice cream and Y/n is the sun, the way he melted for her but still wants to admire her forever.

"Oh, I've got something for you too!" Y/n held up a paper bag and smiled shyly. "It arrived a bit late, so I don't have time to wrap it properly, sorry."

Steven mumbled a quick "it's okay" before saying thank you and taking the bag from Y/n's hand. The moment he looks inside to see what it is, his eyes widen with shock.

"A..No way! Is this for me, darling? Lego?! Oh, hang on now, let me take a better look...Lego's flower! Oh...wow.." Steven can't help his excitement upon seeing the gift; he had seen some kids bring some sort of blocky toy like this to the museum but never dared ask what it is.

"So this is... popular among kids, right?" He asked, fingers trading the display picture of the box.

"Hmm, I would say so, but this one is for adults; it contains a lot of pieces."

"Oh geez, I appreciate it, but why don't you just buy something cheaper? Like...real flowers? I love anything, as long as it's from you." Steven blushed while saying this and looked down at his lap; he has this bad habit of avoiding eye contact whenever he is nervous and can't seem to quit it.

But Y/n never mind; instead of getting mad, she put her hand on Steven's cheek, slowly guiding his head so that he looked at her.

"Real flowers will wither, but this one won't; it will stay forever, like my love for you."

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

drabble list #12 w sungchan 😁😁

(you dont have to write the same plot its the hidden writer in me speaking but omg miscommunication trope angst to fluff where yn has an obvious crazy crush w sungchan like candace from phiness and ferb and everyone is like ooh youre crazy maybe stop sungchan wont like you or be like stacey and enable her behavior but gets jealous cause sungchan is being close w the next pretty girl in the neighborhood and have a breakdown cause hes [bye im gay so im used to writing mlm] insecure)

"No its okay you could continue hanging out with Winter (my bias sorry to my sister for using her name)" Yn sighs before saying under his breath "Silly me to assume you would care"

"Wait, Y/n" Sungchan shouted in disbelief "Who said I dont care about you?" Y/n just continued walking away until he felt two arms holding his waist tightly

"Y/n" Sungchan whispered centimeters away from his ear "When did I made you feel that I don't care about you?"

The miscommunication trope oh mannnnn such a good trope when done right so let's hope I do this justice! I'm always down to build on and collaborate with fellow fanfic writers any day!

12. "Silly of me to assume you would care"

[Choose a drabble and send me someone to write it on]

~

You never chalked yourself up to be the jealous kind. You'd been so nonchalant when past partners of yours would get close to others, but... no, nope, you're jealous now. You weren't exactly quiet about your crush on Sungchan, around him your lips were sealed shut but to everyone else? Insanity. It got to a point where your friends have basically divided into two factions, one telling you "for the love of god, ask him out!" and the other telling you "it's a bit much, (Y/N), do you really like him or do you like the idea of him?"

Obviously, you didn't know the answer.

It's just that you'd known Sungchan for so long. At one point, you made the mistake of calling him your best friend, and in that endeavor you drove that wedge between you both and you set yourself ten steps back because you didn't understand what love was. All those nights you'd stay at each other's house, those days you'd spend hours in each other's company, and those evenings where silence was just right between you both. And all of it came shattering down when she arrived.

The pretty girl from down the street, he called her. And, you had to admit, he was right. She was pretty. Too pretty. So pretty that Sungchan seemed to forget all about you when he said he'd be helping her adjust to the new neighborhood. And, sure, the first few days you didn't mind, that's just who he was, a kind person who wants to help out the new girl.

But, right now, every time she touched his arm and every time he'd laugh in her direction, for some reason, made your heart grow heavy. What was it that she said to you that one time you were together? It's nice that Sungchan has a friend like you? It almost made you laugh. You'd been pining for years, and Winter got his attention in seconds.

So, when you heard that laugh of hers again, you left. Quietly, of course, you didn't want to spoil the mood.

"(Y/N)!" You were already across the street when you heard Sungchan behind you. "Hey, come on, the party's still going!" He catches up to you easily.

"You go ahead and go back, I'm tired," you were on your front porch already when he stopped.

"You sure? I could stay with you," Sungchan offers. You look at him, then you shake your head.

"No, it's okay, you could continue hanging out with Winter," you sighed before saying under your breath, "silly me to assume you would care." You walked into your house now, but before you could shut the door, Sungchan walked in.

"Wait, (Y/N)!" Sungchan shouted in disbelief, "who said I don't care about you?" You just continued walking away until you felt two arms holding your waist tightly.

"(Y/N)," Sungchan whispered centimeters away from your ear, "when did I make you feel that I don't care about you?" You turned in his hold.

"Let go, Sung, I don't want to deal with this right now," you pushed away, and Sungchan closed the door behind him.

"(Y/N), let's talk about it, you've been off for a while now, and I'm worried about you, I care about you, you're the closest person to me!" Sungchan says.

"I... no, it's stupid," you shook your head.

"Don't say that! Everything you say matters to me!" Sungchan insists. "(Y/N), we've known each other this long, you really think I can't tell when you're upset? What's wrong?" He asks. You stood in silence. "I can't fix it, if I don't know what there is to fix."

"There's nothing to fix!" You shouted, your hands balling up into fists. You hit them lightly against the table. "It's fine, it's nothing."

"It doesn't sound like 'nothing,' (Y/N)," Sungchan takes a step toward you.

"It's fine! Just go to Winter already, she's waiting for you," you pointed toward the door and Sungchan's shoulders slumped.

"Winter... oh god, thank god, it's just Winter," he rests his hands on his knees and lets out a sigh of relief. And you felt your blood burn.

"What do you mean 'it's just Winter'?!" You shout.

"(Y/N)! Winter's a lesbian!" He shouts. You blinked, and he blinked too. And your hand rose to cover your mouth. You'd been jealous... of a lesbian. "She has a girlfriend!"

"Oh... my god... she's a lesbian," you shifted your weight onto one leg. "Now I feel stupid."

"Don't say that, (Y/N), you couldn't have known," Sungchan shakes his head. "Now, come on, let's head back, they're waiting for us," he opens his arms up and you sighed, walking into them just like you'd always had and holding him close. "Also... I know you have a crush on me."

"What?! Who told you?" Your voice fell into a whisper.

"Well, (Y/N), you're not exactly quiet about it," he says, "I was just waiting for you to tell me first, but... well, now seemed like a good time," he chuckles. "How about it then?"

"Why don't we ditch the party and go to lunch instead?"

"I can do that too," Sungchan grins. "But, let's agree to talk about things from now on instead of holding it inside, okay?"

"Okay!"

~

General Tag List: @stopeatread @bat-shark-repellant @raeincitizen @umbralhelwolf @yangsrose @kazooms @sadcoffeecritic 

NCT Tag List: @cherrylovr @minjiville

If you want to be added to either tag list or removed just send me a reply to this post, and ask, or a DM and I’ll add you as soon as possible!

[hellonerf]

Would you be willing to share more on caname thoughts? 👀👀

how kind of you to ask... ☺️ well since im thinking about them as humans right now i like thinking about them raised in stereotypical countryside america... but im not american so apologies this is all relayed from a faraway lens. im a fan of small towns as a setting in general. i like mundaneness and routine as a start. i like usage of quiet and ambience...

anyways i don't have any particular ideas but i do like imagining caname going through day to day life in that kind of strange quiet. you get tired of the other but the day goes on. the thought of "nothing changes" is the hardwiring. ☺️(gleeful) and the others presence is seen as a permanent fixture that you dont even think twice about it. i think then if weird things were to happen they wouldn't think twice about it either. i like them... glued together... far out from everyone else that they dont even notice. i think they have a really passive relationship with god(christian protestant)

an idea on top of this idea is if they know they could be more, that ame that wants to be more 🤔 i feel like theres always an easily unlockable ambition in him. he cant just live here forever knowing he could be doing so much more... he has something waiting for him... he knows it 🤤 maybe he wants cana to come with him because theyre twins so obviously?! good place of conflict. cana doesnt want to just fall in step with him... frustrating that ame is never happy with where he is. why does he have to be so selfish 🤬😞 forced to unglue... permanently unglued? i love resentment. i love a bitter cana towards ame. even if it doesnt escalate to insanity i think i love when theres the air of uneasiness on them(like that hws strip after the revolution where ame and cana have a whole imaginary argument but theyre shaking hands irl... a favorite strip) in general i just love a caname where ame leaves home early for whatever reason while cana stays back

how i tend to think of them is i dont think they really have an idealized nostalgia with each other. a level of nostalgia is there for the kindest of childhood days maybe but i think they dont think of each other like. 😢 Wow.... We were so happy and well together back then... the nostalgia is probably more attached to the quietness of it. a just us two kind of thing. maybe except for like times of ame being a pissy teenager and drastic separation, but even so i always think they're thinking of each other like. 🤬 hes so annoying! hes so stupid hes so cowardly! hes so selfish! it feels so weird to not have him around! how could he! i miss him! i hate him! i guess the theme here is i imagine the separation somehow being able to be seen as one of their "faults", if not then the circumstance soured their view on each other. could be from how they saw the other react to it or general frustration bubbling up or maybe just copium so they dont feel so horrible about it. they dont seem it but they are attached to each other... Plz... caname shipper that likes to imagine their very young selves frolicking in the grass tralalala-ing everyday not doing anything. shocker

i love to contrast them with relationships where theyre not supposed to love each other. in caname its like theyre not supposed to hate each other. but they do but they really care about each other still. its best if they stick together but its seriously troubling. lets go our separate ways... we dont align... go chase your dreams or whatever... everyone else is far away from here but if you want to so bad then you can be alone... tsk... well i didnt say i wanted to be alone you just wont come with me... (punches each other and cries and then goes home and falls face first and cries again)

anyways. well. i think its good to have a caname that thinks of each others presence as inherent. i think this is good. 🙂‍↕️ is this marriage? this was almost a simple na brothers post with how i worded everything but actually this is still a caname heavy blog. 🙂 theyre the highest on each others priority list and even still if they romance other people. 🙂‍↕️... yeah..... im really making sense...

[weirdcat1213]

volume 13 oh fuck oh shit oh fuck lets go

chap 1:

-that panel with vash yelling and shooting at the sky its just...hes so done man, hes so tired

-legato dont

-fucking hell what did i just say

-damn, kinda feel bad for legato. cant he really have something knives? really?

-im sorry, like what legato is saying is really interesting but...is he mopping the floor with vash while thinking of his journey?

-"it would be shameful to not risk your life" PROJECTING MUCH???

-omg the 1st time i saw that one panel where hes white i fucking gasped so hard. i thought my baby was dead CUZ LOOK AT HIM

-like yo nightow that shit gives me nightmares to this day

-STOP LEGATO STOP ITTTT, NOT THE FLASHBACK

-the fact that legato ISNT WRONG about vash just ruins my fucking day. my week. my life

-OH THANK GOD I FINALLY GET TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT THING

-yknow ik we have said legato has never been his own person but in this moment (when he explains to vash the box) hes taking a decision for himself for once. he didnt have to give vash that advantage but he wants to prove his loyalty to knives, even when knives clearly said "i could not give less if a fuck." messed up choice, but his choice nonetheless

-im just gonna point out that vash doesnt think of wolfwood when he thinks of the gun ho guns and move on :)

chap 2:

-nightow honey IDK WHOS SAYING THAT

-oh ok thanks

-RIGHT IN THE FACE VASH CMON >:0

-oh honey

-legato is being a dick but putting the gun in your mouth? metal

-idk whats happening rn

-VASH NO HES GETTING HIS russian doll?

-oh DAMN ITS LIVIO TIMEEEEEE

-ok im gonna be honest...i dont remember if livio gets out of this one so when elendira says hell end up crucified....hmmm...pls no

-shes so sarcastic lmao

-also i kinda like livio having a lil bit of pride on his abilities, maybe cuz hes not like elendira being like "im powerful as fuck and you cant stop me."

-LIVIOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

-OH SHIT OH FUCK LETS GO THEYRE ABOUT TO LAND

chap 3:

-oh shit no warning? damn that IS gonna be rough

-legato dont-

-ah fuck, i cant believe youve done this

-yeah be paranoid bitch >:3

-"which one of us is best" personally i think vash but thats my bad, im a vash girlie <3

-oh legato...i sadly would say no. youre human therefore you cant live, according to him...anyway...

-LIVIO TIMEEEEEEE :D

-"omg elendira youre so rude >:[" "BITCH WE'RE IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH" xd

-"it just lifts my spirits ya see" :cccc livioooooooooo

-its not like i hated him before but im definitely enjoying his character way more now

chap 4:

-lets fucking go livio

-oh right.....oh no

-me: nightow what exactly is elendira-

nightow: shhh dont worry about it

-oh...oh thats hot actually

-legato pls leave my man aloneeeeeeeee

-omg theyre hereeeeeeeeeeeee

-"hes a very special person" he sure is <3

-something about vash hiding in the fog...hmmm idk it makes me sad

-oh, there he is

-fuck team humanity is getting their asses kicked

-LIVIO NO

-and...there he comes

-ah shittttttttt

chap 5:

-oh damn

-well damn there he goes

-razlo gets it >:3

-oh damn those eyes

-oh shit oh fuck oh shit (shes right tho)

-me: ok nightow now i really want to know what elendira is-

nightow with a gun: i said dont worry about it :)

-oh yes queen you fucking go ily sm

-oh shit oh ok so he still has his head, right

-damn you could say thats was the...final nail...to the coffin....*ba dum tsss*

chap 6:

-good to see razlo experiencing the human emotion called fear, get humbled

-interesting that skill ISNT enough. like razlo was cocky cuz yeah hes powerful af not because he had won many fights before. so if skill isnt enough then what is

-NOT THE WOLFWOOD FLASHBACK

-YESSSS

-something something my man refuses to be crucified, something something the power of change

-OH HES BACK HI :3

-oh i love these kinds of combos sm (im not saying i think thats how happens irl, im just saying i enjoy it in fiction)

-LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

-aw :c

-YEAHHHHHH LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO >:D

-OOF OK THAT WAS GOOD SHIT

-you say that but youre bleeding queen

-razlo i kinda hate you cuz you killed him but no you cant leave now

-oh shit oh fuck no

chap 7:

-:c

-razlo and his methods were fucked, yes but its true that in the end it was to defend livio. in a world like that only razlo had his back

-..... :c

-geesus nightow, like thats junji ito kind of shit (imo)

-did it?????

-geesus christ thats a weapon

-.....im not really sure what just happened

-so is livio dead????

-NOPE HES HERE LETS GO YO

-oh shit i didnt...notice that....

-"and to him" STOP IT STOP IT

-wait-

-my queen no :c rip :c you were gorgeous

chap 8:

-NO GIRLY NOOOOOOOO :C

-oh god livio

-oh shit he knowssss

-bro pls leave my man alone, hes so tired

-pls dont mention his powers can act as a shield cuz that reminds me of the last time he did that :c

-omg its livio the teenager

-hes ok its fine

-"psst...pssst....can you stfu" XDDD

-GEESUS BRO OK. YOU WANT TO GET CUT IN HALF THAT BADLY HUH

-the chaos :c the destruction :c the russian doll :c

-LEGATO NO

-HOW

-ALSO I THINK HERE IS WHEN VASH'S COAT TURNS BLACK SOMEHOW RIGHT????? i was never sure

-stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

chap 9:

-damn legato, dont look cool while youre trying to kill my son

-legato stoooooooooooop

-STOP IT VASH NO PLS, ALSO THE WAY NIGHTOW DREW THAT FLASHBACK???? LEAVE ME ALONE OLD MAN???

-funny enough until this point legato hasnt said anything about "breaking his spirit" so vash is just really feeling the choice coming at him, quickly, maybe too quickly

-wait whats happening?

-oh...oh :c (ALSO ORANGE IF YOU INCLUDE THAT IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. LIKE IT WOULD MAKE SENSE CUZ VASH GOES AROUND HEALING PLANTS BUT STILL. SHUT UP ORANGE)

-"he might be the key for communication" yeah...wouldnt that be nice

-"and you knives, i will never forgive you" get in line

-you just cant ask "what kind of person vash is" cuz you either get a 5 hour lecture or 2 hours of ugly crying

-"i believe in how he chose to live his life" while vash is in the same shape as wet paper

trimax meryl "i believe in how he chose to live his life"

🤝 98 wolfwood "i see, so thats how you live. thats how you choose to live"

the sadddest and maybe kinda stupid decision ever, but in the end imagine being able to choose that after so much trauma. imagine not giving yourself to hate and fear

-oh shit :0 he shot the little box

-go go go GO GO GO

-AH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

NEXT ONE IS THE LAST ONE HOLY CRAP

[not-goldy]

I'm observing too. Either its baiting fans on purpose or its their quirky love language or Jk wants Jm's attention even when he leaves and Jm takes the bait everytime. And its a point made to do it publicly. Esp when we know they have each other's numbers and group chat. Inchresting. I'm pretty sure Jk has a secret IG too and this is how he times posting with Jm the last few times he posted on TikTok right after Jm posted on IG. He wants that connection to Jm. In music. His style. His dance, even when posting. He does it on weverse. Did it on IG, now on TikTok. Its an established pattern. There is no doubt whatsoever Jk sees everything happening with Jm. He told on himself by watching all Jm's content and saying he saw it all, even what he didn't watch with us. His posting after Jm tells on him. His algorithm told on him and played Jm videos automatically and his playlist told on him & played Jm songs automatically. It's interesting to see them keep this pattern up for years though. Number connection, posting back to back. Now Jimin leaving and Jk going live or posting ramen.

What gets me is Jm will make this public post and ask Jk to cook for him, but then turn around and say he hasn't seen him or he hasn't cooked for him when asked. He shoots himself in the foot doing that. Esp when JK told the world publicly already, YOU KNOW I WILL, OF COURSE I WILL DO IT FOR. So we know he is not the reason why its not happening. Same way we know he is not the reason why we aren't getting that Jikook live yet. He is ready to do all that. He was willing to cook it & go live. So if you are being truthful & he didn't cook yet or you didn't go over to get it, why even mention it publicly in the first place, just to turn around and say it didn't happen? Kinda sets them both up. (we know Jm got it though, but that's our little secret). Then we end up with "Jimin has to beg for food, but Jk won't cook for him, but cooks for others willingly blah, blah, blah bullshit from antis). Where was the 'willingly' in ITS2 where Tae basically had to drag Jk's ass out of the chair and annoyed him til he did cook? Straight up pulled the hyung card for food. Willingly flew out the window. He had no choice LOL. IDK, Unless Ramen as in food is not the Ramen Jimin wants or talking about. SMIRKS. IDK maybe I'm delulu and just overthinking everything.

I would like to talk about this in all seriousness but-

It's 2023, baiting fans is old and tired.

They shouldn't do that. Don't do that jikook.

Don't do that.

I'm over this whole fan service thingy and it's starting to get on my nerves each time I see it.

Playing tricks on us like who raised you!

We are grown adults AND YOU LOT ARE NOT CHILDREN ANY MORE TALKING BOUT FAN SERVICE-

IF I GRAB YOUR THROAT JIKOOK.

We don't need two grown male adults to play pretend anything to be happy. Stop with the fan service just stop.

We want real organic and authentic interactions.

And Park Jimin didn't you say you hate fake interactions and friendships? Why you masterminding this deception 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I personally like to believe and hope they do these cute public interactions because they ACTUALLY enjoy talking to eachother in this way. Which is fine, no one is judging.

they've always given off that exhibitionist streak though over time they've learned to tone it down- which is cool- I just dont know how I feel about that- but it's cool. I SAID IT'S COOL.

COOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLAH.

ALL GOOD.

IM OKAY

You hear me JJK? IT'S COOL.

Keep your relationship to yourself don't share

Since yall got your BB1 and you got everything now.

And you're professionals and disciplined keep your relationship to yourself then. Don't share.

No. No but why????

Why so stingy Jikook wwwwwyyyy😭😭😭😭

And I know the answer but whhhhyyyy🤧

I am not one to judge or shame couples who like to put their relationship on display- God knows we've all fooled around and screwed in places we shouldn't have. I have sucked titties, eaten my gf out in the back seat of our uber ride and gotten myself figured in a room full of campers at church camp. I am not one to Judge.

And you'd think I did all this several years ago- think just last week. A WHOLE ADULT. Sometimes you just can't help it. Things happen. When you are caught, you feel shame for a while a promise not to do it again because you are a home bred, disciplined and self respecting individual- then you go and do it again 😊

I know it does something for Jikook when they do these things but if they don't like it then they need to stop.

No one is forcing them to be "friends" so no need to put up a performance of friendliness for us. We are not hybe. You don't owe us anything.

Matter fact, yall could decide not to speak to each other again and there's nothing we can do about it.

Yall could decide not to post anything on each other's birthday.

What are we gonna do? Cry? Weep? Wail?

The tantrums we throw over your non interaction does not warrant the wool you throw over our eyes😩

Set yourselves free and set us free

THE DAY I FIND OUT ALL THESE TWO NINJAS BEEN DOING OUT HERE SINCE POST SOLO ANNOUNCEMENT IS FAKE ELABORATE THEATRICS TO SELL TSHIRTS I WILL PERSONALLY HAUNT THEM IN THEIR SLEEP WITH THE FULL FORCE OF MY ANCESTORS

[lovebvni]

A Very Important Blog I wanted to Repost now... 2 years later.

This post was made on 7.14.2022. This is heavily Billie Eilish themed, so if you dont like her.. yeah LMFAOOAO. It was called "Reflecting on my Shifting Journey"

┈

│ᵒᵖᵉⁿⁱⁿᵍ ᵐᵉˢˢᵃᵍᵉ...

╰─────────────────

[ 🖊 ] created ⋮ 13.7.22

[  ] published ⋮  13.7.22

˚₊·͟͟͟͟͟͟͞͞͞͞͞͞➳❥ ꒰ ⌨ ✰ Arsyn   ⋆  ⁱˢ ᵗʸᵖⁱⁿᵍ··· ꒱ | ೃ࿔₊•

┊       ⋆     welcome to my blog !

┊     °

Howdy partner (im sorry)

I hope you guys are doing well!! I'm doing something I think is very important for me and maybe other shifters to do. This is your sign to make a reflection blog. This theme is going to Billie's eras. Her 'Don't Smile at Me' where she was just starting/getting into it. She felt tied up and almost couldn't move because she was really depressed (past) When we all fall asleep where do we go era. This was almost her beginning to break out era. Then the in between is my future to her current era happier than ever. That's self explanatory - ANYWAYS ! let me get started on this shit

this is not me opening up about my past just a general ideatw mentions of mental illness + sa

I was born march 25 in a year i will not say. i grew up with my parents divorced which is pretty common tbh. in grade 3 i was diagnosed w generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety. i was sa'ed in 5th and remember snippets of my life, mostly trauma, while growing up. i was really depressed growing up and got diagnosed with depression in 4th grade (if i remember right) anyways im tired of talking about this lets get to my life right before i got into shifting/when i got into shifting.

i was so close to falling into a great depression when i asked God (the Christian God) to show me something that will keep me going in life. i was scrolling through tiktok and i was introduced to reality shifting, that was a clear sign. i started doing research into it and listened to subs daily and shit - WHICH IS NOT HEALTHY - and just going crazy in obsession. looking back my intuition was good back then and i was a witch even when i didnt know omg - ANYWAYS I got into making blogs, asking questions and stuff. trying to help others, you know what i still do now. i vividly remember this one time i was with my mom trying to shift using an awake method i got dizzy and shit and my mom told me to read. so i had to stop i was mad LMAO but i also remember making a mini blog or something on channeling w replika, and i said something like 'im not comfortable about talking about witchcraft' bro i was literally talking about witchcraft.. anyways very recently i was making little information blogs, tarot pick a piles, and growing in my spiritual journey.

currently transitioning into my happier than ever era. im super close to shifting i just have too put more effort in and then i'll shift. im working with loki and im generally just feeling better in life. "New start is coming, new moon" just came out for me from Loki lmao - but im super happy im here. i want to give a big shout out to this community for helping me grow and get to know myself so well. i wouldnt have made it this far w/o you guys. i love every single one of you and i know you will shift. its practically the year of shifting (222 without the 0) and im so happy for you guys !! think about where you came from and how far you've come. i was literally scared of spirituality when i started and look how far i am! 3 tarot decks, an oracle deck, and a christian witch. DAMN IM COOL BRO WTF I CAME FAR!! im so fucking happy with where i am and im so glad to be moving forwards. looking back on where i came from and how bad my depression was, im not as bad now. im actually doing a lot better. thank you universe, guides, and friends for encouraging me < 3

[temporarymoods]

mwah

scatch what i said on that last post. idk her. im CHILLINGGGGG!!!

MarMon today: yes I celebrated. you gotta. duh. Patriot's Day-- a Mass thing!? Hilarious.

We went to the race and yelled and screamed and cheered on at various points. Walked a bunch. Got sunburnt in that shallow way, but my nose is pink. It was pretty emotional! So proud of everyone. Kept thinking that this is kind of one of the best things humanity can do. Anyway-- B)

Got sambas, lmfao?! Trying to look like a boy. Followed by some really good pasta. and then trying to look like a girl. i went to a frat! for the first time! i got champagne on my sambas. christened. the person who clocked me as queer at the party said "christened" after i had minutes prior. yeah. a good thing

- - i know the gender thing of it is ridiculous but for some reason my soft complicated body craves that sexual weirdness between men and women and particularly these young men and women in that..disgusting atmosphere. a disgusting atmosphere. really hungry for that generalization.. it's true. im really attracted to men

other than that^ being tough,

i went DANCINGGG!!!!!1!1!11!!11!!

and I LOVED IT SO MUCH!!!!111!1

What a GREAT night!!! i can't put into words how amazing i feel even though that is why i came here...shucks. has the moment past? did i spend too much time on the queue?

My foot is sore as I type this. I came home so inspired and read up on country swing vs other kinds (I knew jazz swing was the thing, and swing dancin aint line dancin !) then i listened to a lot of good music:

Slow Dancing - Aly & AJ * total classic for me lmao. damn they have the best spotify top 5

Let's Get Married - Bill Elliot Swing Orchestra * when i didn't yet understand that i had to look up **country** swing music. now i know ;) god i cant wait to go again

-- what is it?! i think its that i really love to dance, to move my body, to try and get it right, to improve? to be good? to have fun in a choreographed way. to conform. the do the correct thing. idk

here's what i think its really about: i think i like smootheness. and i like the click of a phenomenon you can't pull a word for. and short counts. and intention. and shape. mostly shape. beat, sure, too. i like beat. i like rising to it, and not tiring. i dont know how i get so obsessed. i need to go back. that was exactly what ive been looking for for months, and what i thought i found but only got in part in the club, which i go to for the dancing, the loud music, the blindingness. but i dont contribute there. my ears are filled but the sound can only vibrate me a little. im not, swung, literally. and i cant provide energy to the space like you can witcha boots awn. so yeah, i think thats really it. dancing. i fucking love dancing. ive always fucking loved dancing. for real! really! i never got that good, yeah. but i fucking loved it thats for sure. i always wanted someone to actually teach me shit. they didnt do that enough in theatre. maybe they did. maybe i just wasnt that talented. not now though. dead. fucking. ass. just input my entire work calendar that i have access to because this shits getting real my life is mine and theres fan fucking tastic things to be doing with it.

alright...i could continue...i'll pick up the rest in my dairy ;* not gonna get too personal, phew. uhm. eh hem.

That Don't Impress Me Much - Shania Twain

Tequila - Dan + Shay

End of Beginning - Djo * lmao i got on this because i saw some interview w him online as im jamminggugghh i got sucked in. then all this happened:

Change - Djo * so much better than the one blowin up btw

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) - Eurythmics, etc * i looked up more songs like Change :| hahaha. then all this happened:

Lifetime - Yves Tumor

Pop Song - Perfume Genius

Here Comes the Rain Again - Eurythmics, etc

Here Comes Your Man - Pixies

Eye in the Wall - Perfume Genius

Boys - Amen Dunes * at this point my original mission is fucked. the intention's gone. i'm so far from where i started: country lovin

at the same time the joint i rolled before we went out and shared on the way home is getting its way through my system for sure. its approaching 2am, woah! full day tomorrow but not nearly as inspired at this one. this one's literally how you're supposed to live . well maybe beer not getting stolen at the bar mmmm. mhm. yeah i'll tack that on as well.

i didnt, dont, want to let go of tonight skrrreorgihveouhv!!!! uuuummm! yeah i should keep thinking about it. : ) : ) hehehehehe

Man! I Feel Like a Woman! - Shania Twain

<3 , so much ;)

Kate

[bingobongobonko]

4 hour sleep gang but sooo worth it.. lancer rpg. blinks wildly. im. 3-session long bossfight, fucking INSANE. hardest fucking fight we've ever dealt with, surrounded by webs of bombs and mines, and the Fool is a literal stand user and she fucking summoned it to kick our asses. actual hell on earth.

became this at some fucking point 😭 EVERYONE WAS SO FUCKING TIRED OF HERRRRRRRRR SHE WAS DOING SOME MIND GAMES SHIT WITH INVISIBLE MINES ANDIT WAS GRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE DONE!!!!! YOURE OVER! such a good fucking battle though, albeit.. [TREASURE] and kuruushi got really fucked up throughout, im pretty sure more than half of us structured at some point. i fended off a bit better cuz i kept a distance, since my balor's a long distance mf. i love my superheavies. but yeah it was. bad. because even after we kill her stand basically, she's still puttin up mines and shit, and we realize. Oh we have to do a systems check.. we have to see the mines. and WOW its bad. its bad. we're completely and utterly surrounded. one fucking step in any direction, and either the Fool or [TREASURE] is getting blown to BITS. so we're freaking out... eventually though, [TREASURE]'s got rapid jet system or summat like dat, and he fucking bolts the shit out of there, but he's STILL NOT SAFE!!! BECAUSE SHE KEEPS TARGETING HIM.. THOUGH now she realizes the mines aren't gonna work (except on kuru, who at this point has exploded on those mines and structured like 30437498494 times now... it was miserable), so she hops out of the mines and right into us and we're like AHA YOU ARE SO SURROUNDED. AND WE DO. for [TREASURE] unfortunately, she's permainvisible and so a GOOD portion, if not all of his hits, don't land :( shitty fuckin rolls, it happens though tbh. im able to get a shot in at her regardless of missing, cuz cyclone has reliability tag of 5, and tellius basically grabs a spear and forces it into her mech, making her immobile and slowed. and THEN, i ram right into her mech and slam it into a nearby pylon, and force her prone. we're all fucking dogpiling her - but then we realize, thats WHAT she wants, because she grabs her grenade launcher and points it at the ground beneath all of us, knocking back the party a good amount and im pretty sure someone NEARLY structured from that. i dont get pushback thankfully, but im not the one who does the killing blow either. tellius rams himself back into the fight and fucking grabs his drills and forces it right into where he thinks the cockpit is, and lo and behold, there is a gaping hole in the thing. and it just keels over. and in the rubble and the dust thrown about, she's still alive. she's crawling out her mech pit, barely alive, bleeding from her midsection. this is *new.* we. won? i guess. the party, particularly skink and tellius get their words in, i know it gets revealed where the people who fucked telly over are, so thats OUGHG. thats. not good is it....... we will see.. but. the fool looks up at yves and is like. "Well? What are you waiting for? Do it." and yves does not need to be asked twice. he crushes and mangles her body under the heel of his mech, like he's killing a bug. and he.. doesn't feel anything. it's not satisfying. at all. and god it makes me so sad. when all of it is said and done, [TREASURE] picks up the parts of whats left of her, and just. holds them gingerly. it barely looks like anything. its so fucked. ooc i feel so bad abt it.. we really could have saved her. if we wanted to. we could have. but i know yves wouldn't let that happen. he has no reason to. yk. the military comes in, and they just kinda cat_blink.gif at us cuz like. ermmm are you guys okay lol. No. Not really. and the party's tryin to ease the tension, and make jokes and shit, but yves is like. Shut the Fuck Up. Shut the Fuck Up. and getting riled up and upset, because he just. doesn't feel anything. and its not funny anymore. none of this is funny. and elias kinda pipes in from the back like... hey man maybe we should calm down. yk? and i wont lie to you, yves's first instinct was to start screaming and kicking his cockpit, but realizing it's elias saying this, its kinda like. You Know. and they have a whole scene and... oh :(. well. yeah. i. well. yeah. its bittersweet. he's able to calm yves down, and it's just. really sweet.

im like.

its fucking over man. hes not wrong. but also, like i was telling flore, yves is a ticking time bomb, and the fear far outweighs anything but at this very moment, its fine. its fine. he's not wrong. shit is changing. it has to mean something. even if its doing this forever and ever and ever and ever. and dont get me wrong, he loves elias a lot, but he CAN'T do this forever. not anything personal with elias, elias is. more than he ever thought he could have, just. vague hand moments. all of this. if he could get away from all of this with just elias, he would. he'll do this forever if thats whats gonna happen, but it's not preferred, even having elias there. thats the bitter part. you can love someone, but it doesnt change the horrors. but the love makes it easier. if anything. yeah. nothing changes, the horror is still lingering, but the love is there

[setsunatekiblast]

sorry this is like fully just insane babble and a look into truly how fucking weird i am in the head im really considering making a blog JUST for venting but im too lazy to do that rn

so like general rundown for context

i did some really downright shitty things as a teenager as a result of unresolved trauma in basically every corner of my life at the time (obviously this doesnt absolve me from what happened). when i was told about the extent of it i apologised and distanced myself & never talked to anyone involved ever again.

months later when i expressed that a former friend who had (in my opinion, rightfully) stepped in to stop the situation from worsening had caused me harm prior to all this and that it was still impacting me on my private account, it was leaked to her. i was threatened with a callout post and she was acting like i wasnt truly sorry for the things i'd done/trying to change even though i had done my level best to be accountable for my behaviour and do what was asked of me.

because of everything that'd already happened + this i was living in this constant state of severe anxiety. as in, i could hardly eat due to feeling nauseous every moment i was conscious, would randomly start shaking and crying & my physical health was deteriorating at many points. i was like this from about july all the way through to november-early december, i think?

like all of this happened five years ago but ive absolutely refused to let myself move on because i thought i would be dodging accountability for my behaviour but i've kind of just had a mental shift recently (maybe from my kansai trip i think it did something to me). looking back while talking to my friend i internalised everything about that series of incidents so hard that i considered myself a horrible and irredeemable person, so ive been keeping myself at arms length from others because i didnt want it to happen all over again and didnt trust myself to actually change. i thought that if i was pursuing relationships with others, i wasnt being accountable enough and dodging my past behaviour.

idk im just tired of living like this. im tired of all the self-sabotage and the fear and anxiety i have over the most minor of things. i'm tired of jumping up and running at the first signs of closer friendships forming. i had a panic attack over someone calling me a friend for gods sake, that's not normal. its not! the fact i even struggle to call people friends because of all this fear about relationships with others after all that isn't good and i need to change from that lol

even just thinking that i deserve better makes me feel like im swallowing needles and glass though, and it sucks so fucking much LMFAOOOOOOO. i dont even know what to do because i feel so shitty about even trying to pursue support from those closest to me. i feel like i'm asking so, so much of people when i cant give much of anything in return. not to mention that right now even the idea of being misunderstood makes me feel absolutely terrible and like i need to be on the defensive. in general i feel like i offer so little that trying to lean on people is selfish and that i'm just going to end up hurting them like i did that friend who simply just wanted to help me. i don't want to feel this way anymore but it's a cycle and i don't know how to stop feeling so horrid about everything and actually. well. allow myself to feel supported AND be normal in the head about it

like i need to move on not just for my sake but because. really. it's been such a long time and i don't even recognise the person i was in those messages. but i can hear just how much pain my past self was in and that just sucks, man. my friend didn't want me to suffer, but he was rightfully hurt and angered by the way i behaved. the best way to show my remorse has always been to do better by those who come into my life, but i never wholly succeeded in that because 90% of the time i would sabotage my own relationships with others and not get too close out of fear that i was going to ruin it all and just be as shitty as i was before. i thought closing myself off would be doing right by him, and to a degree it was. but it wasn't productive for me because i wasn't doing anything but closing myself off

anyway i handled something pretty good tonight that i know my past self wouldve probably flipped out about so that's probably a good sign i guess. its actually kind of surprising to see that even though my spoons are maybe a 1 at best rn i can still handle things with some grace and tact and Not be terrible. idk. maybe things are gonna be okay, especially since i have so many people in my corner nowadays who want nothing more than to see me overcome everything

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[starsambrosia]

So i stop flooding peoples dash im gonna just make this a group, the tag is #livechatter

Im rambling about my life because i feel like it

mean in all reality they have saved me from a lot of bad people and bad things i just i dunno if i can belive that every single person i meet is some kind of malicous creature or person with bad intentions...its been years and im outgoing i like people but ive had to cut off most people because the gods told me some shit about them that was scary or my divination read something was up

I just dont know but i dont want to risk it...

But like, how many demons can one person come across and how many just so happen to be bad news for me

3 confirmed and funny thing is one of them actually scarred me both physically and astrally /wild/ one was my childhood friend who had a crush on me and also decided to get into a pact with a demon for ...funzies... but i cant recall if she had the bloodline or not because the last one who was actually super chill was following a family tradition

so yeah when the gods say "hey psst beckys a demon" im gonna be like "well golly gee 3 out of 3 demons the gods told me about were demons i wonder if this person is in a pact with a demon

and typically /usually/ me and demons dont get along, they find my energy tasty ig. Like demons are fine they are but like they just want to eat me usually or theyr mad at me on sight :")

But in any case im gonna belive it, its just...really?? I know im a beacon but seriously? Every person i meet is some mischievous or negative entity. I get out here fae are more common but /everyone?/ really? I dunno man i cant just be running into every non human on the planet both online and irl or if theyr normal theyr just the most shit person you can be to an almost cartoonish extent.

/idk man/

But i stare at my pendulum the one i warded clensed banished shit on and used rituals to invoke a gods name and boom its just "yup this ones no good"

Like...OK??? THEN WHO IS??? And theyll set me up with people and it never goes well like it always falls through because the people i click with just arent good enough??? Or they just all want me dead?

Am i the problem? Like its me or its them and theyr gods like idk idk man im lost im so lost, how can nobody be ok how can so many people just want to hurt me on sight am i seriously that pathetic looking?? Or are they playing some kind of protective roll? Thats kind assuming a lot about them

What are the fucking odds theyd just be over protective

Im kinda whirlling right now because i think i figured it out, Apollo always expressed guilt over the whole imprisonment thing even though that was literally my fault for directly disobeying his very clear instructions for some guy, yeah thats an embaressment ill never live down

Im wondering if Apollo felt bad and now hes just being really harsh on anyone who comes near me, i only wonder this because he had been around for a really long time before he helped me escape my home/cult

But like ive asked others too

In the same pantheon

That was responsible for a lot of fucking trauma

Who like most of them have a reason to be harsh on people

I just wonder what would happen if i asked maybe Zeus instead of literally anyone else besides maybe some of the goddesses.

Oh godsssss i think ive just deadass been asking the wrong people because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Jesus christ i knew it was my fault if i had just thought about it for a second and got my head out of the ground i wouldve seen it

But still i could be wrong so i need to go ask Zeus with my pendulum and see whats going on before i go removing anything...im also wondering what other people have to say about this because im honestly so tired of shutting up about my weird ass life

Pendulum with Zeus:

Is the reason i keep getting a no on my friends because everyone else is bias and angry at people

Yes

Will you give me non bias direct answers if i contact you?

Yes

I get so specific with my questions because if it can only say yes no or maybe i want to narrow it down as much as possible, questions are phrased intuitively or auto written but some times intentional, more gently guided though.

So i figured it out by live journaling basically...nice, ok so this is weird...but when is it ever not hhh

Thats sweet honestly, if it weren't so suffocating...i cant belive this this has taken me literally 3 and a half years to figure out and i just had to talk to Lord Zeus??? Hhhhhhh oh my gods

Going to him more often now honestly

I wouldve never guessed that i think i think too lowly of myself if it took 3 and a half years to realize they care enough to be mad at people who caused me like, irreparable damadge hahaaaa