#maybe it's for the better and i should focus on just submitting work to in-person exhibition spaces
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psa for this blog:
block me if you even believe in a "live and let live" stance on inc3st "kink". no supporters of inc3stuous assault are welcome here. block me if you think it is harmless, and it goes without saying to block me if you directly engage with it.
i am continuously interacted with by people who openly support inc3stuous assault and it is incredibly offensive and triggering. please know that if you engage with that kind of "kink" in any capacity ("fantasy" counts!) i personally hate you, and my artwork is not for you. i do not like to get aggressive but i don't know how else to make myself clear. FUCK OFF. BLOCK ME. YOU'RE AN AWFUL PERSON. I DO NOT WANT YOU HERE.
reblogs are encouraged!
#im sorry guys this isn't fun but my evening is ruined again by this website#i just want to share my art and serious thoughts but im starting to believe this site is a lost cause#maybe it's for the better and i should focus on just submitting work to in-person exhibition spaces#but i would really miss engaging with people on here#suffering rn
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PGR Writing Game!
Pick a prompt and character of your choice and write it! There's no competing or any requirements to join, just write something!
Tag me, or use the #PGR writing game to participate! Time period is Aug 5th - November 1st
Further details and prompts (if you need them) below...
Info:
There is no specific trope or genre that you need to follow.
You can write whatever you want! Fluff, smut, action, horror, romance, whatever inspires you to write!
You can either post your work yourself, or submit a post!
Just make sure you give a pen name of some sort so I can credit you, otherwise I won't post it
Time frame is Aug 5th - November 1st
There is no word limit or requirement.
It can be 100 words, or 100,000. It's whatever you wanna write
You can post your work even if you're late
Struggling to write, or nervous about participating?
It can be hard to post your own work in fandom, maybe you don't feel like your work is "good enough" (there is no such thing, fandoms are community spaces, not corporate ones), or maybe you don't think anyone will like it.
Well, I've been there too! In fact, I think that all the time. Some things that have helped me keep posting my work despite that are...
Writing what you want to read
If you ever thought "I wish there was more X type fanfic", this is your sign! Writing what you want to read means you're passionate about it, and if you're passionate about what you're working on, it shows in your writing and other people will notice it too!
If you don't like what you've written, change it up!
Re-read what you've written and ask yourself "Would I read this?", "Would I enjoy it?", "Why, or why not?"
Identifying what's missing in your story will help you write with better direction. It could be as simple as adding more interesting and unique vocabulary, taking more time to describe scenarios or places to capture whatever vibes or feelings you want, or maybe adding something to the plot point.
Of course, these can be difficult to identify so you could try asking for help through the event tag, asking a friend, or asking me for help
What if people don't like it?
They can suck a dick. Okay, seriously though, most people won't do or say anything and if they do, I will eat them. You go post that lovely piece of art
My work isn't getting as much attention as X persons/Why aren't I getting a lot of notes?
Well, there can be a lot of reasons behind that. First and foremost, tags. Are you using all the tags that you could be? The PGR fandom is pretty niche in and of itself, so chances are that there a lot of people who would love to read some PGR fanfic, but they think the scene is dead and aren't looking for it, or they're only looking in the #pgr, #punishing gray raven, or #punishing: gray raven tags
Secondly, your font. Other fonts like
This
Or this
can be busy on the eyes which can make it both difficult to read and unappealing to look at it. Using the default font at a normal, or smaller size is generally your best bet.
Lastly, why is X person's work getting more attention than mine?
Like how writing is a hobby, so is reading. Some people may not have been interested at the time, or you just have to wait. Writing has the benefit of being pretty timeless, so that means people will come to read your work months or years after it's been posted.
It's also important to remember that PGR isn't a large fandom, so unlike other fan works on Tumblr, notes won't accumulate as quickly
Focus on your enjoyment of what you're making
Remember, fandom is a community space and this is a community event. You should be having fun, first and foremost
Everyone is scared
Everyone from a random blog who just posted their first writing ever, to your favorite author of several years with hundreds of works is scared of posting sometimes. It can be easy to fall into the pitfalls of thinking you're somehow annoying everyone in the fandom by posting a bunch of words, or being scared that a post won't do well. You're not alone in your paranoia, so try to be nice and encourage both yourself and others you see who might be struggling. You've got this!
Prompts:
You can write with any perspective or character(s) you want, I only have the "you" here to help you get immersed in the prompt. You may change the prompts as you like to fit your story telling.
The artificial sun of Babylonia's sky warms your skin. It's lively today, with children playing, couples shopping, and individuals heading for their morning coffee. You were no different, briskly walking towards a cafe you had agreed to meet someone.
You push the cafe door open and a bell chimes above you as you walk into the establishment. The golden rays of sunlight stream through the large, glass windows, cascading down on the patrons inside and giving the cafe a new sense of warmth. The aroma of freshly made coffee fills the air, pastries sit tantalizingly in the display cabinets, and a barista is busy making a drink behind the counter.
Just as you're about to step forward to the counter, the bell chimes behind you and you turn to see a familiar figure.
The Science Council is busy today, well- they're busy everyday, but today feels especially important. Scientists frantically type on their terminals, constructs and officers going in and out. Even Celica stopped by for a moment, hurriedly exchanging words and documents with Asimov before leaving just as fast. You tried asking what was going on, but everyone seemed too busy to talk to you. At that moment, Asimov walks up to you.
The scent of salt and water fills your lungs, sand shifting beneath your feet. You wander along the shoreline, various hopes and worries aimlessly run through your mind, coming and going as quickly as they came to you. You're so lost in thought that you didn't hear the soft crunches of sand coming up behind you.
The stars twinkled above you, cold wind rustling the trees and biting at your skin. You did your best to ignore the cold, after all, it was part of why you could travel without running into too many enemies on the way. Even still, the air held a strange tension, as if even the trees were holding their breaths, waiting for something, or someone.
The lounge felt uniquely quiet. That shouldn't be surprising, it was just you here right now, the other members of your squad were busy with their own duties at the moment. Even so, you couldn't help but feel a tinge of loneliness. Sighing, you stood up and wondered what you should do to occupy yourself. Should you clean and organize equipment? Maybe clean the lounge? Or...do something less productive? Look at old photos and logs, indulge in a private hobby? It has been a while since you found yourself with so much free time.
"Ah, there you are." Vonnegut's voice reverberates throughout the room, he speaks evenly, calmly, but you still feel the tension rise in your shoulders. A heavy gaze of displeasure and expectation weighing down your soul and keeping you from moving an inch.
Vonnegut sits on his throne, hands folded, legs crossed, golden mask and eyes glinting in the limited light.
"You've kept me waiting for quite a while."
You exhaled shakily, nervously readjusting your formal wear for the upteenth time. You could hear the cacophony of chattering voices, and clinking silver wear, occasionally cut through with the chime of a glass knocking against a plate through the other side of the door. You knew the moment you opened it, the sounds would become overwhelming, drowning out all personal thoughts and suffocating you.
Nevertheless, you couldn't linger in this dark, isolated hallway any longer than you already have.
The library was quiet as always, but it was even quieter now that the nighttime hours on Babylonia had begun. It was a perfect place to hide in solitude and wander in your thoughts, or even go through old memories of your life.
It felt eerie. The stained wallpaper, scattered furniture, broken windows with beams of moonlight streaming through. You had received a comms signal in this abandoned mansion, but now that you had stepped foot inside, it was gone. You walked quietly, keeping an eye out for any potential traps as you stepped through the halls. A creak of floorboards sounds above you, a door opens, footsteps...and silence. You froze, should you retreat? Call out? Try sending out a comms signal? Investigate? You chewed your bottom lip and as you're still deciding what to do, you hear another creak.
Right down the hallway.
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Better late than never! Welcome, one and all, to
The 4th Candy Hearts Challenge
A fun, stress-free Wolfstar mini-fest!
(If you remember how this goes , feel free to skip my introductory spiel and check for new rules!)
They’re sold by many companies and known by many names: Candy Hearts, Conversation Hearts, Sweethearts, and Love Hearts. Whatever the brand and whatever you call them, they’re the signature sweet of the season. Sure, you could buy your beloved a box of chocolates, but that’s an option any time of year! Good luck finding these bad boys in November!
Not that candy hearts are bad! Sure, they’re kinda chalky… and they taste stale no matter how fresh you bought them… but it’s not about the taste with candy hearts, it’s about the pastel, the experience, and above all else: the sayings! Who doesn’t remember going through a pack with friends, trying to find the kookiest message? Digging through a box to find one that was just the right level of romantic to give a certain special someone? (And maybe the heartbreak when you received one in turn where the message was just a big, pink smudge?)
Now, candy hearts have been around for a long time. And with a constant rotation of messages so we always got fun variety in a box, they’ve had a lot of sayings.
Through a great deal of internet sleuthing (and a little creativity on my part), I’ve collected over seven hundred of them.
Some are a little raunchy (TEASE ME), and some are downright rude (EW NO). They range from classic (BE MINE) to contemporary (SWIPE RIGHT) to were-at-one-point-contemporary (FAX ME). Some of them are, quite frankly so hyper specific it’s a wonder they made it into circulation at all (ME JULIE BEST MUM).
And they are all, even the weird ones, ripe with potential as fic prompts!
The way this mini-fest works is simple:
From 12:01am EST Feb 1 until 11:59pm EST March 1, drop me an ask containing these emojis: 🍬💕
If you don't want to send an ask from your main tumblr account (or don't have a tumblr account), you can do so anonymously. However, you must include the ao3 handle or tumblr sideblog from which you plan to complete the challenge.
I will shake my Great Big Box of Candy Hearts and pull out a unique candy heart for you and only you!
With your message in hand, create whatever that candy heart inspires and your own heart desires! Fanfic, art, graphics, playlists, head canons, shit posts, interpretive dances, cosplay, meta essays, it’s all great as long as its central focus is on Wolfstar, the relationship between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black!
You can either directly quote your candy heart message in your work or use it as a broader inspiration.
You are allowed to use the same candy heart as inspiration for multiple unrelated works and submit all of them to the fest.
You do not need a beta before submitting your work, but I do encourage you to get one. I want this to be as stress-free an event as it can possibly be, and in my personal experience, it reduces stress to have someone else look over your completed work for at least spelling and grammar so you don’t have to reread your own stuff and psych yourself out before posting. If you don’t have any fandom friends with whom you feel comfortable sharing your fanfiction, there are also online resources to find a friendly stranger (including, hopefully, our discord server — see rule 17). But if ultimately, you’d rather be your own editor, I certainly won’t reject your work!
Include the following caption at the beginning of the tumblr post or AO3 beginning notes: For @goodboylupin's Candy Hearts Challenge. My candy heart prompt was ____. I will not reblog your work or allow it in the collection until you have included the caption.
If posting on tumblr, please make sure the @-tag of your caption is working so I get a notification! It should show up on its own automatically as you type. Also tag the work with #RSCandyHearts, preferably within the first five tags.
If posting on AO3, post your work to the collection and tag it with goodboylupin's RS Candy Hearts Challenge (this tag will show up in the suggestions when you start typing it).
As long as the rules have been followed, I will reblog every work on Tumblr, and leave a kudos on every work on AO3. (If I haven't done so on your work and you see I've been active on this blog, then both the @-notification and #RSCandyHearts tag failed. Send me an ask with a link!)
If, after completing your first work, you want another helping of candy hearts, that’s more than welcome! Since I don’t want anyone to get a sugar crash, there is a two-day wait period between submitting a work and getting a second (or third or fourth or wherever you are) candy heart.
If you find you cannot come up with anything for your prompt, you can drop out and send a new ask to get a different candy heart. However, you need to give it an honest effort for at least one week before I give you a new one.
Works are expected by March 15, but this is a low-stakes, self-posting challenge! If you need more time, just message me or drop an ask. And if you want to drop out, that’s totally fine! I’ll even delete your first ask where you requested a candy heart if you prefer. I only need to know for the sake of my own record-keeping. Let’s all just be honest, considerate, and try to have a good time!
If you need a really long extension: Your candy heart is yours until January of next year, at which point, if I haven't heard back from you with an update or request for extension in the past few months, your prompt is going back in the Great Big Box of Candy Hearts so somebody else can have a go at it. The AO3 collection closes at the same time.
I will keep a masterlist of works pinned on my blog until at least March 22.
There's a discord! Feel free to join to discuss your prompts, your progress, your love of Wolfstar, or just to have another little circle in your sidebar.
Over the past two challenges, there have been a small handful of people who requested a candy heart, did not create anything and did not speak to me any further to tell me they were dropping out or having trouble. I work hard to make everyone a custom graphic and keep this fest running smoothly, therefore: Any creators with multiple instances of ghosting are suspended from getting another candy heart until next challenge.
Since this is not the usual timeframe for #RSCandyHearts, I'd love it if you could reblog this post to signal boost!
My ask box is open now to receive your candy heart requests 🍬💕
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Last Life: The Unofficial Musical – help required?
As some people know, I'm working on making a musical version of Last Life! Throughout making the first song, some people have asked if there was any way to help, and after some thinking I've finally organised my thoughts. The roles I'd love some help with are below:
(The first song is here in case you want to know what style I'm going for, and there's more information about it in the pinned post on my profile.)
Subtitling – some people have already offered to help with this (thank you!). Self-explanatory, just adding the lyrics I've posted to Closed Captions at the right timestamps.
Promotion (ie on Twitter because I don't have an account and don't really want to get one tbh) – also self-explanatory, this would basically be reposting with permission to let it reach a wider audience.
Creative help – mainly helping to streamline the plot, as I feel right now there's a lot of it but not all of it is necessary, and also want to set more things up early on and give more people attention. This might work better as a group thing so ideas can bounce off multiple people – I was thinking of making a Discord server to discuss this?
Vocals and voice acting – if needed I can sing everything, but it would sound weird if everyone was me, and with dialogue (which there will be some of) it'd be even weirder. Especially for bigger voice/dialogue parts, acting and singing experience would be preferable (and for singing, specifically styles where you have to act through your singing eg musical theatre), and you should have a decent microphone to record it through. It doesn't have to be super fancy, just no device mic etc. If people are interested, they could tell me what type of singing they like to do/what range they have etc, and I'd probably ask to hear a recorded video clip (around 1 min, maybe more) of singing something as well*. With voice acting parts, it depends on how big it is – if it's bigger, it would be nice to hear some sort of clip (maybe I can send the dialogue when written) as well. The character doesn't have to have the same person singing and speaking for them (though they shouldn't sound completely different). Depending on how many people are interested, I might hold auditions via google forms (submitting something)?
Instrumentals – the sound engine I use is pretty good, so that would mainly be used for accompaniment, but for solos/parts where the instrument is in focus, actual playing would really enhance it. Instruments I can see being subject to this are the violin, viola, flute and oboe, but others may come up. This would generally be on a song-by-song basis though.
Possibly someone to help manage this, since I'm not used to organising bigger projects and I'm not too great on keeping everything organised.
I'll take care of composing, lyrics, production, and the singing for some characters (the number again depending on how many people are interested). I'll try to release more content/snippets as well so people (especially those involved in vocals) know more of what's going on.
(everyone involved will be credited obviously!)
*If you want to help with this but just by eg adding some vocals to the chorus part, this probably isn't necessary though!
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With all due respect, when seeing people are being allocated partners for the big bang, you and emilykaldwen are presumably hooking people up. You're viewing who is who before matching them up but correct me if I'm wrong. Are they anonymous when you go through the submissions and you don't know either or are you aware of who is who before matching people? Considering the fact you two are close to the two individuals paired up I think it's weird you decided to match two mutuals on that basis if you knew it was them beforehand. You cannot build community by joining mutuals together for challenges. We can work with our besties all year round. The challenge is meant to be a chance to widen our horizons. It doesn't matter if you linked one of them up with other people 🤷 maybe using a random generator would be better so then it takes you and emilykaldwen out of the reckoning. Pretty sure people would love to work with lady morrogen and vampire ex girlfriend who are so talented.
I'm sorry if I'm wrong and you're both actually choosing people anonymously from the get go from beginning to end. Your explanation is not very clear
The pairing is done entirely by me! @emilykaldwen very kindly offered to help me to run this year’s event, dealing with writer and artist queries and modding the Discord, so that I can focus on the behind the scenes admin stuff.
I do have visibility of the author’s name when summaries are submitted. The process just wouldn’t work if I didn’t, as it would create heaps of extra work of me having to contact each individual writer to be like “hey, is this yours?” when it comes to announcing the pairings.
I strip away all identifying information, place the summaries into an Excel and then send it out to the artists. They then select the fics that they like the sound of. I only ever say no to people if someone has already requested a fic. Both artists and authors have no idea of who they’re working with until I announce it.
Taking away the element of choice for artists would deter them from signing up, I think! For instance, if you’re typically a person who enjoys Aegon centric fiction, being assigned a fic that is centred around Tyland Lannister might not be particularly inspiring, and the author would end up with artwork that’s reflective of that. Everyone should be able to work to their strengths!
If you’re unhappy with how the event is run, you are welcome to start your own! No one is obligated to participate in mine. I didn’t have to ask permission to start my Big Bang, I just did it. This is the second year that I’ve done it, and both events have been great!
Your hang up seems very much centred around Mare and Alex, which leads me to believe this is a personal issue for you, rather than one based around the running of my event. I don’t want to get in the middle of that, but I would recommend sitting with those feelings and exploring why you feel that way.
I hope I’ve managed to clear things up for you! Enjoy the rest of your night 💕
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To any newcomer joining the industry after they graduated college or just getting into the field, what is your advice on what they should do? Like if they are in LA/NYC or not in LA/NYC, what can they do?
Sorry if this is left field!
That's a huge question with a lot of variables, but fortunately our mods are also newcomers in the industry and have been through this ourselves so hopefully this is helpful :)
A couple things you can do to prepare yourself:
Unpaid internships, though clearly and obviously exploitative of vulnerable populations, are sometimes (UGH) the only or best way to get in the door and have something legit on your resume. (The paid internships are unfortunately so much more competitive, but definitely apply if you can!) A lot of internships and jobs are posted regularly on LinkedIn. This is a good Linkedin group to see job postings for young people working in entertainment.
How do you even make a resume for Hollywood internship/entry-level positions? Great question. Highlight any media experience (yearbook, newspaper, journalism, graphic design) and leadership experience. (Unless it's like, from middle school. That's too far back.) If you have the chance to submit a cover letter, focus less on trying desperately to prove yourself and more on who you are as a person: someone who is determined, yes, but would also be a good, solid coworker; any stories that reveal your talent for narrative and showcase your skills.
If unpaid internships aren't possible for you, consider checking out adjacent jobs in podcasts or journalism or other media, which would still be good on your resume before you make the switch to film/TV.
Get a nice, recent headshot (doesn't have to be a professional shoot, you just want to look professional in your social media and email profile pics.)
Join the picket lines in LA/NY if possible (WGA has the locations here). Everyone out on the picket line is supporting the future of the entire industry. It's not only the current workers on strike, but you and your peers too, who depend on the outcome of these negotiations. Also, if you consider yourself "pre-WGA" (interested in being a writer/WGA member in the future), there are a handful of groups organizing strike support for pre-WGA folks! Get plugged in with them.
Read the trade publications daily, or at least a couple times a week, to stay on top of what's going on in Hollywood. The typical places are Deadline Hollywood, Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, and I also like IndieWire and the NYT movies section personally for their profiles and reviews. Basically you just want to be someone who knows what's going on in your own industry and can talk intelligently about the state of things.
Likewise, podcasts. If you're going into TV writing, I can't recommend Children of Tendu enough. If that's not your specific field, search around for what other people in your field are listening to!
I hate having to say this, but... Twitter. Lots of WGA members, directors, actors, and industry people are active on Twitter, despite the, er, problems with the platform. Look for both pre-WGA and WGA people, connect with them, start building a community, maybe join a writing feedback group. (Again, since I'm a writer, that kinda applies to just writers, but I'm sure you can find other departments there too!)
On a similar note: You've probably heard a lot about the importance of networking—getting to know people in the industry who might be your coworkers in the future. That's important advice, but even better advice than that is to network horizontally, not vertically. Translation: Don't always seek out people who are in more advanced stages of their career than you: they're probably very busy and their lack of interest in lower-level people could be discouraging, even if it's just a reflection on their lack of time and not on you. Instead, network with people at the same stage as you—people who are new in LA/NY/the industry, people who are coming up and have similar passions and goals as you, people who are your coworkers and peers. I'm coming up with a lot of really cool people and it's very likely we'll all be in a position to help or hire each other 10, 20 years from now.
That said, you could also try to find a mentor who knows more than you do, but that's tricky territory because again... Hollywood. People are busy. But if you do get the chance to apply for a formal mentorship program, or if someone you know shows interest, having a mentor to go to for questions/advice is super valuable!
Acquire skills. Microsoft Excel skills. Standard screenplay formatting skills. Final Draft skills. Graphic design skills. Website building skills. A lot of people start in the industry at the assistant level, and these things are invaluable on your resume.
For writers specifically, I've heard the advice that you need to get 5+ shitty scripts out of your system before writing something decent. And from personal experience, that adage holds true. You need to write a significant amount of crap before you find your voice and get a handle on script formatting. Online classes and writing groups can help a lot with this.
Also for writers: You should not be trying to start your career as a professional writer without 3+ SOLID, GOOD SCRIPTS in your portfolio that match your voice as a writer, fit your (ugh) writer "brand", and have been revised based on feedback from writers you trust. If you have any doubt about the state of your sample scripts, go back to the drawing board and write a new pilot script.
If you want to be a creator, watch stuff extensively! Old stuff, new stuff, award-winning stuff, stuff that you'd want to write/direct/act in someday. Pick a director and watch everything they've made (or the same for writer/actor/costume designer/cinematographer.) You need to be decently fluent in what has come before you. This industry is only 100 years old, so it's very possible with time to become someone who knows the art form inside and out. Don't watch shallowly, either; watch deeply for analysis and critical thought.
Some final words from someone who cares deeply about the overall wellness of young people in the industry. This industry terrorizes people, and there are a lot of stories of abuse and breakdowns. (Oh, another recommendation, though pace yourself because it's a difficult book with a lot of potential triggers: Burn it Down by Maureen Ryan talks about industry abuse, written by a journalist who's tackled a lot of breaking news about abuse in Hollywood. Essential reading for people going into the industry.)
So prioritize taking care of yourself, and not just in the uwu self-care way, but the bone-deep "know thyself", "if you don't take care of yourself, you will literally cease to function" way. Love yourself enough to know when to step back and take time off. Love yourself to gain good time management skills so you can live a less stressful life. Love yourself enough to build a community of people who will look out for each other.
Wishing you the best of luck. If any pre-WGA/early career folks in the industry want to continue this conversation, this mod's main is @captaincrais.
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As a writer, what do you feel when your readers give a little criticism or give somewhat negative feedback to your story? I'm not a writer but I have to submit a short story to my lecturer. I also shared mine with some of my friends. Some love it and give positive feedback but one or two friends of mine make comments about it. At first I was thankful for the comments, I can improve my writing, but then when I think about it again I'm somewhat hurt by what they said. I know their intentions are good, which maybe can help me with my assignment better. They also talked to me gently and did not use words that could hurt my feelings. Maybe I should stop overthinking right. 😂
Hi!
Feedback on writing is so important to help improve! But readers' feedback/comments usually come from a different place to a critic/professor/editor. Friends and readers are usually not equipped to deliver feedback in the same way a critic/professor/editor is. I say this as a professional editor who delivers feedback and comments to manuscripts everyday.
It's okay to feel conflicted about friends' feedback. I'd ask why - do you feel embarrased? Ashamed? Perfectionist? It's a good chance to reflect on yourself. In the future, it might be better to not ask for feedback from them OR direct your feedback by asking them questions: how did you feel about that scene? Which character did you hate? Etc.
I've also worked as a professional writer so I understand the feeling of getting editor feedback - it doesn't feel the best sometimes but you have to just have a thick skin and not take it as a personal attack 😅 once that initial feeling passes, then you can focus on improving.
Fanfic is a weird world where a lot of boundaries blur: it's normal for readers to post comments and for writers to directly engage with their readers and reply to comments. Which can lead to sooooo many issues, I've seen the weirdest things over the years lol. But fanfic is a diff world to professional writing. Do you know what we tell authors at work? DO NOT READ REVIEWS ABOUT YOUR BOOK - DO SO AT YOUR OWN PERIL.
Because you can't please everyone and there will always be someone who doesn't like your work. That's a fact of life. Conversely, readers and reviewers are allowed to have a space where they can talk freely about their reactions and emotions to a book. If the author goes to that space then they risk seeing something hurtful and getting upset.
You say you're not a writer, but I think dealing with feedback and constructive criticism is important in many aspects of life. Try see it as a way to improve and not a personal attack.
Hope that helps a bit! Good luck with the story!
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Hi zak! I've been a longtime reader of your original works. Do you have any tips on what pieces to put in your writing folio?
hi anon !!! im very sorry it took me forever to get back to this ask, and doubly sorry if you are no longer in need of tips OTL. still, thank u for reading my original works, thats a pleasant surprise to know!! i havent posted my original writing website here in......a long while, since im the (very slow) process revamping the site HAHA,
but yeah, tips on what put in a writing portfolio!! if ever you still need em or if ever anybody out there can make use of this. all of these based completely on my personal experience of applying to writing workshops and writing jobs, so feel free to take what you think applies to you/would help you, and leave the rest behind
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1 ) in general, put your Best Works. but take into consideration that You are usually your own worst critic, so you definitely could benefit from a second opinion (or many)
so, obviously, you wanna be putting in your best stuff. and thats still the general method that i'd choose, but with the added reminder that a lot of the time, writers can be blind to certain works that they themselves made that other people really liked or found immensely compelling.
this for lots of reasons: writerly self-esteem problems, that odd experience of mostly remembering the arduous Process of writing the thing and less the actual finished product, general blindness to stuff in your own work since you Wrote That (and probably revised it 76439754985 times) so it's just hard now for you to realize the level of skill thats apparent to many others
the opposite effect is also very possible, where you can be Incredibly attached to a work (maybe for sentimental reasons, maybe because the you learned a lot along the way, etc) but other people kinda found the whole work meh.
bottom line: by this point, you know youve got skill in writing. but the skill OF seeing and evaluating your own skill is a whole different animal
reach out to your friends, writing peers, or reading peers and ask them what they think some of your best works are. personally, i think it's good both to ask people who are Also in the practice/study/career of writing, and people who arent, simply because a more diverse set of information is always better than a lesser diverse one. if you want, you can ask follow up questions like "why?", or you can just stick to getting a general pulse check of what is resonating to the people who read your work. because [tv commercial voice] The Answer May Surprise You!
and once you know what resonates with others, you can start chopping down the list with armed with that new knowledge
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2 ) "Best" should not be a catch-all term, cut it up into specific categories and showcase your Best in top categories you want to focus on. this way, you get a folio that's showing a wide range of your capabilities
if i were picking between two applicants, both of which submitted portfolios of their Best fiction works (and theyre both Very good), i would ultimately choose the applicant who gave a portfolio that showed a wider range of what Bests theyre capable of rather than the applicant who submitted 5 really great stories but they all still employed the same techniques/concepts/themes
......if that makes sense?
like, okay, let's assume the portfolio is a fiction portfolio. no specific lit genre limitations or whatever, just, fiction in general.
"fiction in general" is a ridiculously huge field! theres the genres of course, so many damn genres. but what im more focused on is Technique. there are so many ways to structure your plot and pacing, there are so many ways to create your cadence and tone, there are so many kinds of characters and so many ways you can make them clash, so many dang ways to make your story's themes come to light. theres a Lot
so take a portfolio as a chance to show the widest possible range of what you can do, and what you can do Well
let's say you did Tip 1 and coming from that, youve got a list of 15 stories you think would be good for a portfolio. your next step then is to identify which stories are doing the same Thing (whether that be in its genre, structure, themes, etc) and then decide which of those stories showcases your ability to Do that Thing best.
if ive got 3 different stories that are all magical realism pieces using a very subdued tone to communicate the plot's conflict and emotion, then im gonna need to pick just one to put in my folio, the one that did it Best. and then you can go back to Tip 1 and get a second opinion on that if you want, and THEN i repeat with the other stories, this time picking a different Thing-Technique-Structure-Theme-Etc to focus on
basically my point is that a portfolio, ideally, should show different Kinds of Bests. because that is much much more appealing than only seeing One kind of Best
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3 ) you can make as many portfolios as you want, tailor-made specifically for what youre using that portfolio for
this is something i learned after college and when i was applying for various writing jobs. for context, i dual wielded fiction and nonfiction in college. though my degree ultimately/officially went into the nonfiction track, i still wrote a whole lotta original fiction, and when i was applying for jobs, my personal list of Bests included a lot of fiction pieces, as well as nonfiction pieces
but i was applying to all different kinds of jobs, and it would be slightly off-course to submit a fiction piece to a job like Feature Writer For Magazine. additionally, it would be slightly off-course to submit a nonfiction piece to a job like Romance Game Writer
(.....both of those real jobs i applied for and man, sidenote, can you believe i almost became a romance game writer? like, how ironic that is now that im into the fandom i am Currently into. guys. guys i got to the second interview stage of that job. Guys. jdhvfhvfkshd)
anyway, remember how Tip 2 is about showing off a diverse array of what youre capable of? well, dont get Too diverse. always remember the people/organization/etc that you will be submitting this portfolio to, and keep in mind what They are looking for
if youre applying for a sci-fi fiction workshop, submit your Best pieces that do different techniques or things BUT are still within the parameters sci-fi fiction, so they are relevant. if youre applying for a feature writing job, maybe fiction might work, but read the works that the magazine puts out, maybe. get a feel for their style, what they like. like idk , if theyre super into that Anthony Bourdain-esque kinda description of gritty details, then maybe a fiction piece that shows off that kind of descriptive skill can still be relevant.
make a new portfolio whenever the need arises to best adapt to whatever it is youre gunning for
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in summary :
tip 1: Best works but cast a wider net and ask other people because us writers can get tunnel vision sometimes
tip 2: whittle down your list to show different kinds of Bests that you can do, avoid redundancy
tip 3: keep your Bests relevant to whatever the task at hand may be
well....thats all i can think of. i hope some part of this can be helpful to anybody out there. hope youre doing well, anon :")
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AMOMK Drabble 2 - Of Rambling Thoughts and Too Many Choices
Just like the first drabble in this AU spinoff, this work was based on the original story A Map of Mrs. Kims (and the drabbles that started it all!) created by @bonvoyagenoona and various members of the Tumblr BTS fanfic community! (You can also read it on ao3!). All rights regarding this universe of characters are credited and belong to her. I honestly did NOT expect to write a second little drabble in this universe, but almost a year later here we are...thank you so much to @bonvoyagenoona for letting me play in this little world for a bit again, and you can also read this particular drabble on A03 here
Names swirled through your head, mocking you with every thought. Kim Seokjin. Kim Taehyung. Min Yoongi. Kim Namjoon. You could hardly focus on your work when all your brain could do was loop those 4 names – those forms – over and over again. Now that you had them in hand, were you really so selfish to grab all 4 applications? Were you no better than someone at a cattle auction, waiting to nab the best in show? After all, it was one application out of dozens, possibly hundreds, to win the mere chance to go on a date with these men. To try to be a good, noticeable, outstanding candidate, to prove to these strangers that yes, you could be a good wife in the future. As if that’s all you needed in life.
But then again, that seemed to be what modern dating was nowadays. Click on a profile, read a basic summary, see a few photos, and swipe right. Pray that the person on the other end wasn’t a creep or a bot. On the dating apps, you didn’t have to see the humanity behind the screen; just one click and move onto the next. Hope for a match. Hope that profile leads to something more. Find another if you don’t. To walk up to these very real men and ask for every list and form available – in front of their mother no less! – now forced you to face the apparent greed of your actions. That maybe you should have been firmer in your decision, to just pick a profile and pray for the best.
Kim Seokjin. Kim Taehyung. Min Yoongi. Kim Namjoon. It would be all too easy to blame Ji-a. After all, it was her crazy idea to apply in the first place. However, she already made her choice – the singular application for one Kim Taehyung was filled out and submitted the second she got home from the country club. So why were you waffling around like someone staring at a takeout menu at 2 am?
It could also be the lingering embarrassment from realizing Kim Namjoon was Museum Boy. There was no telling how you’d live that realization down. You’d even changed when you visited the museum because of it. Ji-a squealed when you told her – she insisted that this was fate, that this just was evidence you and Namjoon were meant to be, how your only choice now was to fill out the pre-destined application and make it official, just like her favorite romance stories. But all you wanted to do was hide. How could you face him? Before, Museum Boy was a concept. Just a handsome man with similar tastes in art. He was safe, distant, a small constant in your hectic life - like when the barista already knows your order at your local coffee shop. But now? Now you could only imagine just how crazy you looked from his point of view: a woman just so happens to run into him at a museum several times, enough to be recognized. Then she shows up once again at the same exact country club at the same exact time he happened to be there. Then saying “Uhh…. all of them?” when asked which application she wanted…Ugh, no wonder he probably thought you were a stalker. Numerous true crime documentaries have proven people would do much less for attention.
Kim Seokjin. Kim Taehyung. Min Yoongi. Kim Namjoon. Each attribute, likes, and dislikes gave you a small glimpse into who they were – you’d practically memorized them by how many times you’ve agonized in making your choice:
Seokjin, eldest of the Kim brothers, loves to cook, visiting farmers markets, and to go fishing on his few days off. A hard worker and dependable, every detail jotted down in his profile just screamed “Perfect Husband Material”, and it would be all too easy to imagine a simple, domestic life with him.
Taehyung, baby of the family and massive flirt, listens to jazz and is a photographer by trade. A creative soul, you could tell just by reading each response that he would be fun and adventurous, each day just as spontaneous as the last.
Yoongi, not even related to the Kim brothers but still somehow has his own form, writes songs and plays both piano and guitar when he’s not teaching. Each answer seemed direct, but thoughtful, something you’d sorely missed in your last couple relationships.
And Namjoon, middle child and Museum Boy extraordinaire, teaches middle school, is passionate about music and writing, and loves having deep philosophical discussions. You could imagine talking to him for hours, delving into the inner workings of the arts, letting those conversations lead you to explore more about yourself and the world you live in.
Maybe you were surrounded by too many choices – on paper, they all seemed amazing, almost too good to be true. You wanted to get to know them individually. You wanted to wait and form some sort of plan. You needed to get out of your head and make a damn decision already. At this rate they might already be married by the time you decide to apply.
The serene painting in front of you was your favorite for this very reason. It seemed simple from far away – a watercolor scene of lotus flowers floating in a pond – but it always felt immersive. You could lose your thoughts as the colors flowed in and out of each other. Imagine the golden light of sunset warming your body. Whenever you were stressed or upset, you would just sit at the bench directly in front of it and mediate, forget about the outside world for a little while. Your troubles started to melt away, thoughts of applications joined the very paint on the canvas.
“Hey stranger, haven’t seen you around here in a while,” a voice suddenly called. You nearly reached the ceiling as your trance was brutally interrupted. To your left stood Kim Namjoon.
“Gah! I – uh – hi! Hi,” you undignifiedly sputtered in response.
“Hi,” Namjoon laughed, the smile never leaving his face. You knew you were sunk if you stared at his dimples for too long. “I thought you might have found a new hangout spot. Usually, our semi-regular greetings are a bit more…well…regular. You’re Y/N, right?”
You looked toward the floor as you nodded, your face already feeling warm. “I didn’t want to seem like a stalker…”
“Don’t stalkers change their patterns once they’re caught?” Taking a quick shocked glance was all you could do as he gave a cheeky smirk, his eyes bright and mischievous. “But no, never thought you were stalking me. I just figured you were a fellow patron of the arts. What brings you here on a Wednesday afternoon?”
“There were severe issues with my work’s telecom system, and rather than let the big wigs think we’re not doing anything or pay us to just sit there waiting for repairs, we were all sent home. What about you? Playing hooky?
“Legally allowed hooky, yes. It’s a school holiday and I somehow managed to get all of my meetings done before sunset. So I'm celebrating and taking a small break before I have to go drown in lesson plans.” Namjoon then gestured to the seat next to you. After you nodded your agreement, he sat a close but respectable distance from you.
“Are you doing okay? You seemed really lost in thought there.”
You didn’t give much of an answer, unable to look at him quite yet. A sigh escaped as you stared at the painting ahead. “Yeah, just a lot on my mind. But it seems so stupid now…”
He turned more toward you, a calm demeanor radiating from his body. “If you feel comfortable talking, I’m all ears.” There was an inkling that he was like this with his students. You hesitated despite the warm invitation, contemplating what you were going to say.
“It’s just….” You started, subconsciously smoothing your hands over your knees. “These damn dating applications that I got from your mother is stressing me out and It’s so dumb because I can’t seem to make a choice. I should be able to just…make up my mind and turn something in if I was so determined to do so at the start. It’s been weeks! But no, here I am, being so ridiculous and overthinking something that I might not even get accepted or chosen for in the first place. I’m a tiny piece of the puzzle, why am I freaking out so much?”
Namjoon nodded as you rambled, a brief flash of recognition crossed his face. “I totally understand. And your feelings are absolutely valid. But from one overthinker to another, why should you have to make a choice right now? Or even make a choice at all? Why do you even have to choose one single application to complete?”
“It all seems so final, doesn’t it? Like this entire process is some sort of life test or fate or something. My friend was able to just go forward, know which one she wanted to go after, and just fill out the form, so I should be able to do the same, right? But now I just feel greedy, like I’m just lumping you and your brothers together, as if you are some sort of interchangeable trophy to win. That’s not fair to anyone. If I need to make a decision, I just want to be sure of it, you know?” You knew you were rambling, but your brain just couldn’t stop. If this was a life simulation game, you just hoped you wouldn’t see the negative friendship points flash over Namjoon’s head. Why couldn’t you stop rambling?
To his credit, Namjoon only chuckled. “Well, it’s definitely something to think about. And it’s great that you see all of us as separate human beings instead of just the Kim boys or a full unit. Your heart seems to be in the right place. But you have a few options – you could just apply for all of us and take a chance. It might be exciting, like a going on some blind dates, right? You could think about what you want in a relationship, use that to determine which one of us you want to pursue. Or you just walk away, forget about maps and dates and applications. But, if you’re so sure about making a single choice…. would it be easier if I tell you why you shouldn’t date each of us?”
“What…?”
“Yeah, just take a look at my hyung, Seokjin. He’s the best older brother anyone could ask for. Kind, loyal, a hard worker. Takes charge but in a more subtle way. But his jokes are terrible. You’d be forced to listen to the absolute worst dad jokes this side of the world. And that’s before he likes you enough to force you onto a fishing boat before sunrise.”
An eyebrow raised was all it took for Namjoon to continue on.
“Yoongi is my best friend, and is such a romantic at heart. But when he’s focused on a project or work, it’s like he’s dead to the world. I’m actually not even sure he really sleeps at night. And Taehyung is such a thoughtful guy, will do anything for those he loves, and lives life to the fullest. He loves life, you know? But as much as I love him, sometimes he can be downright weird. There are days I wish I could just see what’s going on in his brain. Some people might find him too much to handle.”
Giggling at every description, you could see how much love and respect Namjoon for each of them.
“So, what about you? Why would you be deemed undatable?”
Namjoon paused, a small hint of something unreadable flashed over his face. Perhaps a bittersweet memory? Something sad he wanted to forget? Whatever it was, he didn’t let it linger for long. Just as quickly as that brief emotion arrived, he replaced it with another half-smile. “Well, I’m a middle school teacher who likes fine art. I’m afraid the only dates I’d be able to afford involve takeout and free events.”
A light laughter filled the room as you both focused on painting in front of you. Namjoon checked his watch, sighing as he stood up.
“Unfortunately, break time is over. If I don’t get started on those lesson plans now, I’ll never get them done on time. But hey, don’t dwell too much over whatever you decide, okay? Flip a coin if you need to. Take your time to think, but if that’s all you do, you’ll find opportunities will pass you by. Bye, Y/N! See you when the new exhibits premiere.” With a wink and a wave, Namjoon lightly waved his goodbyes as you continued to sit on the bench, going over every word.
Kim Seokjin. Kim Taehyung. Min Yoongi. Kim Namjoon. A deep breath escaped as you grounded yourself for the task ahead. The mailbox loomed in front of you, challenging you to be brave, to take a chance. With eyes closed, you placed the large stamped envelope inside, ready to let your fate reveal itself. 4 names, 4 completed applications. You just hoped you knew what you were doing.
#a map of mrs. kims#amomk#bonvoyagenoona#bts fanfic#namjoon fanfic#taehyung fanfic#seokjin fanfic#yoongi fanfic#bts drabble#bangtanarmynet
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FOP Fic News
Overview
I’ve always had table of contents docs for projects like Origin and Knots, and since I’m returning from hiatus, I recently moved them to a spreadsheet and mapped out what dates I should plan to upload chapters on and how long it will take me to finish these stories. I went through lots of docs with a critical eye and combined or cut chapters to get a better idea of how things are looking.
Posting at my current schedule of one chapter every other week, it looks like Origin and Knots will come to an end in 2025 (if I stay on top of my buffer) and although that feels so far away, there’s a certain relief in it since my combining and cutting helped me bring that down from 2026.
That schedule doesn’t leave wiggle room for other projects like Come What May, the 130 Prompts, and work for my other fandoms that I’ve been drafting over the years. I don’t really like the idea that if I wrap up Origin and Knots in 2.5 years, I’ll still have another several years of Prompts left to go. I always knew these were big projects and working on them made the long years of school more fun, but it’s always been my intention to finish them, and I’d rather do that sooner than later. After all, I’m still sitting on pieces I wrote in 2016 about Cavatina, and 2026 isn’t as far away as it seems... The idea that the 10-year anniversary of his arc might hit before I actually post it leaves me shook, my dude.
I’ve given it some thought and realized that if I post 130 Prompts on the weeks between Origin and Knots chapters, I can wrap the series up in 2026, maybe 2027. I can live with that a lot more than I can live with the idea of working on this project past 2030, ha ha.
In other words, I’m setting a goal of a ‘fic update every Friday, starting soon (I’ve got the next Prompt done, but I’m sitting on it for a sec to build the buffer out farther). There might be some Fridays where there’s nothing, but keep your eyes out for things that interest you. I hope you enjoy :)
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130 Prompt Details
So, many of you are probably familiar with my FOP one-shot series, 130 Reasons Why I’m Fairy Trash. I've had all the 130 Prompts planned out for years, but I lost interest in some of those plans as time went on (Not the big plot stuff, that's still the same, but some minor standalones).
I recently went through my docs to refresh my memory on what’s to come. I had some vague ideas that I never fleshed out and realized that I never will, so I’ve scrapped those. I also had stuff I scrapped years ago, but fell in love with the drafts all over again and am eager to see them finished off.
In 2022, I took an FOP and Tumblr hiatus to focus on other things like my IRL job and personal projects, and I couldn’t maintain the spark of inspiration for FOP at the same time. Mostly, the reason for that was just that I was busy and was putting my time and creative energy into other projects, and I simply didn’t have time for both. I didn’t realize until now, but I think I also felt pressure to create something big and meaningful with what I submitted, and I became paralyzed with thoughts of putting out something “boring” or “weird” and facing critique that my work was confusing or unenjoyable.
Anyway, while recently looking through my WIPs, I remembered the 130 Prompts were always meant to be a series of short side stories and that there’s nothing wrong with dorky little one-offs. I don’t need to put pressure on myself to turn everything into a polished 10k+ story when just a few thousand words will do, or overthink the humor and flow to the point I talk myself out of doing something.
I spent some time a bit ago looking over my stuff and making a new plan for the order I want to post things in, and it feels much more achievable to me now. I’m excited to get back to it. Hoping to post some dumb and silly things more often because “I had an idea and it made me laugh” is valid.
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Stuff Getting Scrapped / Kept
I’ve realized that I’m not going to write Identity Theft and Acacia Arcadia as standalone ‘fics. I scrapped some scenes and the rest will be recycled into 130 Prompts to replace the ones I cut. I’ve set my plan up so that the next Prompts in line are ones that have solid drafts and I’m excited to work on, so I’m hoping to get on a regular posting schedule with those soon, alternating weeks with Origin and Knots.
Hawthorn Haven and Devil’s Backbone will prrrobably still exist as their own ‘fics someday when the time is right, as when I first made their outlines, I was already prepared to work on them “when I’m older.” I don’t feel the same pressure to finish them. I’m still looking forward to them, but they’re in “Can’t talk about these things until we’re in that point of the timeline” jail. I’ve always intended for Devil’s Backbone to be the end of my FOP writing days, so it’s on the backburner for obvious reasons, but when the time does come to close out all the stories and wonderful worldbuilding, I hope it’ll be a blast.
I do still have a draft for a ‘fic called Along the Cherry Lane which focuses on Timmy and his friends growing up, marrying, having kids, etc. but that’s on the backburner for now too. I’m not sure if I want to keep it, but also not ready to let it go. If I do let it go, I’ll find a place for the scenes I liked within the Prompts or I’ll post one or two one-shots instead of the whole ‘fic. I do intend to get back to Come What May once I get the spark back for it and I might even return to Snips and Snails... who knows.
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Tl;dr
I still have several years of FOP content that I plan to release, as I’ve never wanted to abandon these stories I love. I knew I was starting big projects and I knew they would take me years to finish, but as my 10-year anniversary of writing FOP ‘fics creeps nearer and nearer... Yeah, there’s a certain part of me that's ready to jump back into a schedule and see if I can wrap up all three of these big projects by the time I hit that mark. Crazy how it’s been so long.
Currently I have an Origin / Knots ‘fic buffer through the end of June. We’re entering the phase of the story where the drafts are pretty solid, which means they hopefully won’t take long to polish. Exciting!
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The Schedule
Throughout 2023, you can expect Origin and Knots to alternate weeks. These two ‘fics are main priority in my ‘fic-writing life, so they get buffer priority and I intend to keep up with this goal as best I can. If all goes according to plan, we should be wrapping up towards the end of 2025. I hope to see y’all there :)
I’ll be sprinkling in updates to other projects throughout the “off” weeks. Sometimes there might be no update at all, and I’m okay with that because the “off” weeks are simply meant to be “If there is something, it can be shared” weeks. I’m not holding myself to posting at those times in the same way I’m holding myself to keeping Origin and Knots on schedule, but I look forward to getting to share some fun things like 130 Prompts, more Come What May chapters, miscellaneous one-shots, and content for other fandoms.
Even if I stay consistent, I definitely don’t expect to wrap up the 130 Prompts until 2026 or 2027, and that’s okay. These next few years will be busy, but I’m looking forward to forming a healthy work-life balance- there’s a certain value that a scheduled writing system has in helping you look forward to the next creation you get to share... It makes the work week a little bit nicer.
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Closing
As a reader, your interest in silly fairy fanfics might come and go, but thank you so much to those who’ve loved my work over the years, reblogged posts, left reviews, sent Asks, chatted with me, and so much more.
Also, thank you to those who’ve left me kudos on AO3. I still get emails every time there are kudos, and while I don’t track how many kudos my little stories receive in this old, quiet fandom, it is really cool to see how much love has been given to some of the short pieces I wrote 6 or 7 years ago.
As the years have gone by, it’s been a good reminder that people have really liked some of those pieces that I don’t think about as often as my longer stuff. I don’t need to psych myself out worrying that my quick one-shots aren’t good enough... I’m looking forward to posting some short things again soon.
Thank you for the love and support! I hope you enjoy what’s next <3
#ridwriting#FAIRIES!#130 Prompts#Origin of the Pixies#Frayed Knots#99% true as far as we remember#Come What May
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November 21 2024 - Brand Analysis
This is a short brand analysis I did to keep me locked in and able to understand the brand better before creating it. I kept it very quick and informal. Also, it is crazy that I'm already almost at 6h of work
(writing in first person from now on) (thinking about myself is very hard)
SWOT ANALYSIS
Strength: I am good at making sure design serves a purpose and is functional/logical. I’m definitely not the best at that right now but I always find myself focusing on making things make sense rather than be pretty. For example, in print production I rewrote every chapter submitted by my classmates which left me with significantly less time for the graphics. My reasoning was there’s no point in making a book if the words don’t make sense. I think skill wise I am also pretty diverse. I would feel comfortable if a project involved almost anything which increases the possibilities for the work I create.
Weaknesses: Because my skills at the moment are very broad, I don’t have a specific focus area. I don’t excel at anything in particular which is okay because that will change as I pratice and grow, just harder to market and brand. I find it hard to initiate conversations and am usually perceived as quiet which can be seen as a weakness and usually is by clients and employers. I have trouble verbalizing complex ideas which can hinder client work.
Opportunities: The subject area that has excited me most is branding and marketing, which frustrates me because I have previously claimed I hated it.
Threats: AI maybe, hopefully not. If the type of design is not seen as necessary by the employer it can be overlooked, or replaced by ai, or canva.
Capabilities:
I am capable of adapting well and thinking about bigger-picture projects involving different disciplines or multi-page projects. Nothing I’ve made so far has been exceptional but it is capable and works sufficiently. Learning new things is a basic skill to have but I think I am relatively good and happy to do it. This relates to my problem of having a broad skill base and not a deep skill base. While in school it works very well, but I worry that when I am a working designer I will be in a niche job that I don’t have extensive experience in.
Core Values:
I value accessibility, sustainability, functionality, sensory based design, and integrity.
Current Awareness and Sentiment:
I didn’t want to go up to people and ask them what they honestly think about my work so I asked Brayten, he said: He knows me and keeps up with my work. He is very aware and was sassy when I asked him because obviously he has positive sentiment. Positive sentiment towards all my work, he appreciates the quality and consistency. Consistency in craftsmanship - all work in different mediums have a flow and consistency that shows me in them. Part of that comes through in quality, thoughtfulness, and craftsmanship. The other part comes through in content.
Lily says: agree. Cool dawg. Yuh. Can get it done. Happy. Gets shit done. Period. (I know this is biased but it’s kind of hard to do this for a personal brand about yourself)
Focus Areas:
I am interested in a wide range of subjects and disciplines and It’s been difficult to decide what to focus on. I love doing everything but it feels impossible to keep doing everything forever. I want to focus in graphic design and am currently making the transition to focus on it more mentally. I have been attracted to editorial design previously but I enjoy doing all of the things it feels hard to narrow myself down to a section of graphic design. It’s ideal to have a narrow/niche brand, but it feels restrictive and really stresses me out. I think I will use the approach of narrowing down into a niche as a designer based on my values? I should think more on this.
Position Analysis:
Compared to peers I’ve been able to meet in person, I think I am relatively more type A and have been described as very “anal” about things. Brayten says: relatively high quality, highly flexible and able to work for different clientel and adapt to different styles. During my work term the areas I really excelled at weren’t super related to my design work. I had a great memory and was good at organizing. I also “designed” a new system for tracking member onboarding in my type b supervisor’s phone/computer. Sometimes the supervisor of the other student came to me to design something because I was faster/more efficient. The time efficiency benefits me more when doing quicker projects and making them of higher quality rather than making longer projects of higher quality. This will be fixed as I work on it. Generally, I find my work to be of high quality aesthetically but often lacks a stronger meaning or message. This appears in design and fine art.
Direct and Indirect Competition:
My direct competition would be other designers relatively early in their careers. Indirect competition would be AI generation, Canva, People that aren’t hired as designers but are able to fill the tasks needed with popular tools like AI and Canva.
Product Brief:
The product I provide is high-quality and time-efficient graphic design work for employers and clients. I value quality and won’t give an employer/client something half-assed.
Competitive Advantage:
The WFIM for potential clients/employers would be that they can trust that I will provide high-quality work on time, always. My personality and broadness of skills allow me to work well in teams as well. (so hard to think about comparison stuff)
Utility and Emotional Connection:
The utility to employers/clients that I provide is literally designing something. Other aspects can make me more likely to be hired, but they are hiring me because they need something designed, either as a one-time thing or longer term. This could be creating something new (awesome) or improving a previous design. Emotionally, I think there is a sense of pride in a business/product/endeavor that designers can provide. Being able to see your business proposal come to life and exist must be awesome. Designers generally help increase public perception of brands.
Unique Selling Proposition (USP):
I am unique because I am awesome (thinking about myself so hard). My USP would probably be something along the lines of well rounded, competent, etc. which is a bad USP because that really does feel like the bare minimum. Writing this gives me an identity crisis because I’m like “there’s nothing unique about me gah” when this project is done I must be so sure of myself.
Features and Benefits:
Feature: Well rounded skillset
Benefit: Larger scope of disciplines of what projects can include
Feature: Designs get completed on time (another bare minimum one)
Benefit: Allows things like books, posters, etc. to be distributed when announced and not have to push back release dates.
Feature: Young person (for now) who is in-the-know
Benefit: Helps brings new ideas and relate to a younger audience. It’s hard to adapt to tech, social media, and political correctness when it changes so quickly, luckily I know so many things and can now use a computer.
Place/Distribution:
I am planning on relocating to a larger city center after graduation. My messaging and touch points need to be able to be accessed online like in an online portfolio. The style guide would maybe fit with the brand better to be a physical product but due to the nature of the work and I may be working remotely, it makes more sense to have an online version. Possibly two versions? If I had more time or more motivation I would create digital portfolio, digital style guide, and physical postfolio/style guide.
Target Market Analysis
Business owners, creative directors, senior designers, and upper management would be the people hiring and people looking to hire someone freelance to design for smaller businesses.
Motivations and Goals:
When hiring, the TM looks for designers who can produce high-quality work on time. They value the ability to adapt and design in different visual styles. They are motivated to hire skilled graphic designers and retain them.
Buyer Behaviour:
When buying, the consumer would have a high level of involvement before purchasing (hiring). They would do rounds of interviewing and ensure that applicants are would be a good fit for the business.
Brand Story:
(idk if this is a brand story but maybe some inspo) I have always been interested in design but did not necessarily realize it was a career path. I would talk to my mom a lot about what I liked about t-shirt designs, cups I saw at Indigo, and app icons among other things. I only started considering a creative career in grade 11. My only real reasoning was that art was the only thing that I was very passionate about and I don’t think I would be fulfilled if I did anything else. I spent the last couple of years of high school focusing on art and looking at different schools/career options. I had never done graphic design at that point, but I knew I wanted to do that as a career rather than fine art. It felt like starting over to get a bachelors of design and I wasn’t interested in pure fine art. Convientlty, my local college had an art and design program that I decided to enroll in. While at school it was a massive learning experience to learn about design. At that point I really couldn’t use a computer too well and learned programs at the same time as design fundamentals. I really struggled at first with it but once I got in my groove and adjusted to the heavy increase of workload compared to high school I loved it. I continued to learn and try to improve to the point where I am today. (these are my initial thoughts I would want to change the working if it were to be in the “about me” part of the website.
Brand Personality:
The tone is calm and natural. The text reads neutral to positive.
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Evaluation
[ measure of man ]
Acrylic, charcoal, watercolour, PVA
Measure of man is the result of research into the experience of growing up as a male and the expectations that can harm you and others. This is a mixture of my own experience but also from others who have struggled to fit into what being a man is for various reasons.
I chose abject art as a starting point as I felt the people I was going to base my art work on was from a viewpoint of disgust and hatred. I explored anatomy and association with certain parts, through to torture devices and methods as well as insecurities and fears so the viewer would feel uncomfortable looking at it just as some are talking about it.
When I switched my focus to fragility, I read up on situations shared by those online and whilst also addressing my own experience through therapy, the rage that I started with and focused on soon became one of sadness and so I tried to capture the harshness, the coldness but most importantly the fragility that is hidden in so many.
I intended to do a series of images portraying the difference in men, from the toxic masculine rage to the frightened and depressed who suffer in silence. this is the concept of a group, not individuals and thus they should be grouped together so that I can show that beneath all of them, there is an insecurity that causes these behaviours.
I wanted the individuals to be vague in appearance but possibly recognisable to the viewer. I also looked for connections, body parts and liquids could be connected to each other so I made detailed drawings that would be added to the final piece.
Separating each image would strip away the connection they shared so I decided to tear them and make a collage, this helped provide aggressive undertones which completed the image along with the body parts placed with dripping liquid achieved through a pva/acrylic mixture.
Finishing off the final piece, I added two individual images that I would have liked to make as screen prints as I feel they add to the message of connection.
These were made from using my graphic design knowledge to make minimalist icons and repeat patterns as well as stripping images of flowers to flat, contrasted images depicting the perception of masculinity, femininity and mental health.
I started with photography and digital editing and I feel that maybe introducing this with a mixture of the paintings I made could make an improvement. Seeking individuals to photograph in these environments would be a challenge but if achieved, the results would be much better than what I’ve submitted and more personal. I will also need to confront my own fears of being photographed/painted if I want my own personal story to be seen.
Mixing digital edits with my paintings and photographs is something I will continue to explore and improve upon as I believe there’s a lot of potential out there to create some fascinating work that could also be transferred to physical work such as sculpture.
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[16-03-2023]
SCREENSHOT THOUGHT
I shared the Mayor's post about a McDonald's maybe coming to Marysville on the 95EH Facebook as a #TheDailyEh?! — with some additional "eh" context from me due to 'spice 🌶 potential' of topic — and since I also converted that text to fit into a 2200-character-limit Instagram post, I figured I’d also copy/pasta the main takeaway over here on the 95EH.CA Tumblr:
"Residents get to vote with their dollars – to support or not support a particular business."
I would just add that residents get to vote with their voices & actions too, in every aspect of society they participate in (not just in their role as a consumer of basic needs) — AND — it is always waaaay more productive to focus on the things you have control over yourself (which are only your own actions & reactions, which is still quite a lot to be in control of) and it is always best to not get so caught up in worrying about what everybody else is or isn't doing/thinking about it (be aware of what’s going on… but don’t become obsessed with the projections).
So, with that in mind… what are you doing/thinking about a McDonald’s maybe coming to Marysville? (and there's no rush to jump to your first conclusion or even tell anyone else besides yourself, but sound off in the comments or on the socials if you fancy trying to articulate some thoughts and/or feelings)
And that might sound like I am hedging my bets on having my own personal headline opinion myself, BUT, I mostly just think we all should take a breath and try to have a good think about what having a McDonald's coming to a small town would mean for a mountown where there's already a McDonalds 25 minutes away (and an A&W even closer) — AND — what are the interconnected conversations we should be having instead if you feel that this is not really a long term solution to any of our ongoing collective problems (for example… perhaps there are more locally driven initiatives that could be invested in & supported to deal with problems of "essential" jobs and affordable/accessible "food")?
But, again, there's a lot of layers to all of this stuff — and people have a tendency to get pretty defensive about some of the unspoken parts of how our society actually works, SO, I will just leave you with advice that I've found helpful with trying to navigate thru all this layered stuff:
Oftentimes, the things you find yourself getting immediately defensive/agitated about are the very things you need to take some self-reflection to unpack better yourself — so go for a walk outside with it 🙃
Because we need to talk more openly about ALL of the interconnected issues that involve multi-billionaire corporations setting the culture (especially for a local area that has attracted interest by trying to be a place that people want to setup a life, not drive thru).
**This Screenshot Thought was submitted by Jeremy / @HI54LOFI from Kimberley, BC (where he successfully runs an unsuccessful “music blog” called HI54.BLOG and attempts this 95EH.CA thing). If you’d also like to submit a ‘Screenshot Thought’… please check out the EH? section for more site info and/or just reach out to: [email protected] 👍
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BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARE
pairing: stepdad!toji fushiguro x f!reader
content warnings: pwp, stepcest, age gap, dubcon, fingering, oral sex (f receiving), daddy kink, virginity loss, small mentions of blood, choking
summary: toji is the person you run to when anything goes awry
word count: 2.9k
notes: for @vlyntage’s 1k collab! thank you for letting me be part of this (and for letting me submit it late) and congrats on now 1.5k! // megumi is an asshole in this but it’s okay since toji makes it all better <3
jjk masterlist | main masterlist
“Does it feel good, princess?”
Toji’s body hovers over yours; one hand is planted next to your head on the mattress, and the other is cupping your cunt. Two of his fingers are lodged inside of you while his thumb works expertly around your clit. You watch flit as he looks across your face, watching for any signs of discomfort.
“Daddy,” you whine, “I n-need more.”
“Gotta be patient for me,” he huffs before lowering his face to fit in the crook of your neck. His mouth widens, letting his tongue roam across the delicate skin of your neck. The taste of salt is fresh on your skin from the thin layer of perspiration forming.
“But Megumi… He’ll be coming home soon.” There’s a sense of urgency in your voice, emphasized by the way you tug on his forearm. Toji ignores you, continuing to steadily push and pull his fingers in and out of you.
“You’re still thinking about him?” he grunts while finally taking his fingers out of you. The loss of contact makes you feel so empty, but the way he leaves a trail of kisses down your body fills your stomach with butterflies.
You don’t answer him. After all, if it weren’t for Megumi, you wouldn’t be in this position right now. He was apparently just having a bad day and decided to unleash all his anger on you, his poor, unsuspecting step sister. His words burned like salt on a fresh, open wound; he called you all sorts of names and said many things you hoped he would regret. The second that Toji came home from work, you were already running to cry in his arms. The last thing Megumi said before leaving really was the cherry to top it all off, “Pathetic. Always runnin’ to daddy when things don’t go your way.”
The bad thing about it all is that he isn’t wrong. Well, maybe this time he was wrong because you didn’t even do anything to upset him. But he is right about the fact that you always go to Toji to make you feel better; only this time, he’s being much more generous.
Toji repositions himself so that his face is level with your thighs. His strong hands find their places on your hip before he slides them down to your knees. “Just focus on me,” he murmurs against your plush thighs as he kisses his way up to your pussy. You can feel his breath fan over your skin as he presses a kiss to your clit; despite the warm feeling it brings, it causes a shiver to run down your spine.
He can feel his pants get impossibly tighter when he starts licking at your clit. To relieve some of the tension, he lowers one of his hands to his clothed dick and starts palming it. His precum is already beginning to leak out of his tip, creating a wet splotch on his boxers. He nearly loses himself in his own pleasure, but he’s quickly reminded that he’s here, in your room, to please you.
“You taste so good, baby,” he says in between licks. Hearing your breathing get more unsteady by the minute gets him even more aroused. Your thighs tremble around his head, nearly suffocating him in the process, but he wraps his arms around them and lifts them up so that they rest on his broad shoulders. Your eyes widen when he pulls away for a second, only to flutter shut when a glob of spit drops onto your slick folds, and he’s back to licking you up again. The sounds he’s making are so obscene; you should be embarrassed of how turned on you are, and he should be too.
He lets go of one of your thighs and brings that hand to your cunt, prodding at your hole as he continues circling his tongue around your puffy clit. You can feel the stretch of his two fingers entering you again at once, and just a moment later, he’s as deep as he can go.
“Daddy,” your breathing grows heavier, and your whines are more frequent. Toji can tell that you’re already approaching your orgasm, the first one of the night. “I’m gonna cum.”
“Oh yeah?” he asks with a slight smirk. The vibrations from his voice causes you to clench up; it’s something that doesn’t go unnoticed by him. “Go ahead. Make a mess for me.” He shifts his focus to your face and watches how you squeeze your eyes shut. Your jaw falls slack, but no noise creeps up and out from your throat. Toji continues to happily lap at your cunt, careful to not waste a single drop of your slick.
There’s a slight squelch when he removes his fingers from you, but he sticks them inside of your mouth so there’s no time to be embarrassed about it. He presses down on your tongue and just barely dips them deep enough to hit the back of your throat. The way you gag around his fingers has him wishing that you were doing that around his cock instead, but he saves that thought for another time. After all, it was pretty often that you and Megumi got into arguments. The next time you come to him to seek comfort, he’ll have something else in store for you.
“Think you’re ready to take me?” Toji asks with your lips still wrapped around his digits. You look up at him and gently nod your head against your pillows. “Alright then. You better take everything you’re given.”
He carefully retracts his hand from you and gets off the bed, only to leave your room. There’s a slight breeze that comes from the open door; it’s a sharp contrast to the fire that burns bright inside of you. Soon enough, you hear his footsteps on the wooden floor grow louder as he approaches your room. Walking over to your bed, he crosses his arms and grabs onto the hem of his shirt before pulling it off and tossing it to the floor. You suck in a breath upon seeing his physique in a different light; you’ve seen him shirtless before during family vacations to the beach and the occasional times he was walking out of the shower—but this time, it’s different. It’s more intimate now that it’s just the two of you.
Your thoughts are interrupted when he climbs on top of you again, bringing your hand to cup his crotch. “You feel that? It’s all for you,” he chuckles when you turn your head away, suddenly feeling shy. He has a foil packet in his other hand which he brings to your mouth, wordlessly telling you to bite down on it so he can tear it open. Once he takes it out of the packaging, you maintain eye contact with him, as if to ask if it was alright to push his boxers down past his hips.
“I’ll go easy on ya.” He backs himself up on the bed a bit to remove his boxers. Once the waistband slips past his hips, you catch a glimpse of his tip; it’s flushed a deep pink and it’s leaking a lot.
“You’re so big…” you trail off nervously when he’s finally fully exposed. He takes the condom and pinches the tip before carefully rolling it down his length.
“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before,” he says, causing you to pout. Who knows how many women he’s been with before meeting your mother? But why are you feeling jealousy swirl in the pit of your stomach? Many more questions circle through your mind, but you’re brought out of your trance with a pat to your cheek. “I’m gonna put it in now.”
“O-okay,” you whisper, but Toji hesitates. Reaching to put your arms around his shoulders, you pull him down so that his face is right in front of yours. “I’m ready.”
Toji takes his dick in one hand and guides it to your pussy, running it through your folds to gather some of your slick. His tip prods at your entrance and only then does he doubt he’ll actually be able to fit inside you. Did he prep you enough to take him?
Your breath hitches in your throat when you feel his tip enter you, and it already feels like entirely way too much. Your fingers dig into the skin of his back, desperately holding onto him as if he could disappear right in front of you. “Relax for me, princess,” he grunts as he tries to go deeper in you, “you gotta relax.”
“I c-can’t,” you whine, “it hurts.” Tears are starting to form on your lash line again, but you fight them back. His fat cock is stretching you out so much more than his fingers were just a moment ago, and you’re just not used to it.
“Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop,” he says sternly. He tunes his ears to the sound of your voice, waiting to hear you say the word, but it doesn’t come. It doesn’t come even when his cock is fully sheathed inside of you. Looking down at you, he sees that your brows are furrowed as you focus on not crying. “You okay?”
“Give me a second,” you plead, and Toji obeys. The air around you feels heavy, and you’re struggling to catch your breath as he gives you some time to adjust to his cock. One of your hands moves from its position on his back to sweep away some of his hair and reveal his jade irises. A moment passes before you try to move your hips; you notice that the majority of the pain has subsided, so you tell him that it’s alright to move.
He keeps his movements slow and steady, pulling his hips back until just his tip is inside of you before pushing forward once again. The drag of his cock along your walls feels like it lasts forever until his hips are flush against yours. “You’re taking me so well,” he praises as he lifts his head away from yours. Looking between your bodies, he sees a layer of blood coating his cock; he starts to think that maybe he should’ve put down a towel just in case it got on your sheets.
“Daddy.” your voice rings in his ears and causes him to snap his eyes to yours, worried that he might have made a sudden movement. “Don’t stop, please.”
That’s all it takes for him to set a steady pace, fucking into you gently as if he’s afraid to break you. “You feel so fucking good around me,” he moans, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “You’re so naughty, letting me fuck you like this.” You pout and turn your head to the side, feeling your face heat up at the realization.
“I’m not! I swear I’m good,” you whine as he hits a particularly deep thrust. Instinctively, you tighten around him, making him let out a groan. If you keep doing that to him, he might end up cumming way earlier than he would like to. To prevent himself from thinking about it happening, he grabs your jaw and kisses you for the second time that night; the first time being when he brought you to your room after Megumi left. He was about to go back downstairs, but you begged him to stay and one thing led to another.
Toji’s lips mold against yours in what feels like chaotic perfection. His lips are so soft against yours despite the scar he wears on the right corner of his mouth. When his tongue slips past your lips, your mind gets clouded with so much lust. You’re so full of him, it’s overwhelming. You barely register the feeling of hand climbing up the side of your body and massaging one of your tits.
“It’s about time you take this off, sweetheart,” he mumbles before detaching himself from you. He sits back on his feet and pulls your hips up his thighs before easily and quite literally tearing your shirt off of you.
“Hey!” you cry, “that was a gift.”
“Shut up. You know I’ll buy you a new one,” Toji retorts before taking his dick in his hand and bringing it to your cunt again. He teases you by tapping it against your clit a couple times, making you squirm in his lap. What a sight, seeing you yearn for him. After what he deems is enough teasing, he rises on his knees, bringing your lower half up with him. His cock pushes into you just as carefully as the first time, but the new angle sends him to deeper depths within you. The tip of his cock hits your g-spot with every thrust, and it was you wantonly moaning out for your daddy. He’s got one hand around your throat and the other gripping your headboard. The sight of your blood on his hand only slightly alarms you, and it doesn’t stop you from clasping your hands on top of his to make sure he’s not putting too much pressure on your neck.
Picking up the pace, you loosely wrap your legs around his waist, and the sound of his skin slapping against yours grows louder. “F-fuck, daddy, I’m close,” you whimper. “I wanna cum, please let me cum!”
Toji could have your pleading voice on repeat inside forever if he wanted to; he could never get sick of the way you sound so desperate for him. “Since you’re beggin’ real nice for me, I’ll let you.”
He removes his hand on your throat and moves it down to toy with your clit. His thumb presses into it a bit and he starts rhythmically rubbing it in time with his thrusts. Your moans spill from your mouth as you approach your orgasm even faster now. You shut your eyes after struggling to keep them open but Toji is quite the opposite. There’s a crazed look in his eyes, darkened from all the pleasure and from drinking in your appearance, savoring it in his mind.
“Daddy, daddy, daddy,” you chant as you find yourself on edge.
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m the one makin’ you feel so good,” he grunts, feeling your pussy clench around him. “Fucking— shit —cum for me, baby.”
Your fingers claw at his chest as you finally cum, feeling the coil in your lower abdomen finally snap. Your pussy spasms on his cock, and you swear you can feel it throb as he continues fucking into you at his fast pace. His balls tighten and he rushes to try and pull out, but your legs lock him in place.
“Fuck,” he groans, realizing he’s got no choice but to stay sheathed inside your cunt. You open your eyes just in time to see him come undone. With a few more sloppy thrusts, he goes as deep as he can before finally releasing his load. His chest heaves as he remains in his position above you, waiting until every last drop of his cum has been milked from his cock. Before he has a chance to get up, you pull his face closer and pepper kisses on his cheeks.
“Alright, that’s enough,” he sighs and moves away from you, leaving you feeling empty and cold without his warmth. He gets off your bed and removes the condom, ties it, and tosses it into your trash bin. “Come here.” he approaches your bed with open arms and scoops you up, carrying you to the bathroom across the hall. You expected him to do more than just get a rag and wet it for you, but your hopes were too high seeing as he just went back into your room to get his pants and boxers.
Toji doesn’t bother putting his shirt back on as he makes his way to the kitchen to prepare dinner—something he was supposed to do when he came home. He hears you coming downstairs a couple minutes later and combined with the sound of clattering pots and pans, he fails to hear the front door open.
Megumi strides in and sees you clinging onto the handrail at the bottom of the staircase, as if you can’t stand on your own, but he doesn’t pay you any mind. It isn’t until he gets to the kitchen when he puts two and two together. He really didn’t expect to see his dad shirtless with his torso covered in bright red marks, and he starts rethinking his entire life up to that moment. Toji feels his presence and starts to panic a little.
“Oh, Megumi,” he clears his throat, “didn’t think you’d be home so soon.”
He doesn’t say anything; instead, he closes his eyes for about three seconds, takes a deep breath, and walks back out the front door. You’re still in the same position, now paralyzed with fear. The slam of the door makes you wince, and Toji is rushing to where you are. He opens the door to try and call Megumi back, but he’s already nowhere to be found.
“Daddy,” you meekly call from behind him, “I don’t think he wants to be here.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right, princess.”
“Is he gonna tell anyone?”
“No, he’s not like that,” he assures you, but he has a hard time assuring himself. “He won’t do that. Let’s, uh, just make dinner now.”
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro smut#toji smut#toji x reader#toji x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#toji x y/n#toji x you#☾ ; by erieren#tw.stepcest#tw.dubcon#tw.daddy kink#tw.blood#tw.choking#☾ ; not sfw
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INFJ. Processing past Fe failures. Want to get better at socializing / having deeper relationships/friendships. Muddling through Ti development - desiring to get better at self-awareness + communication. A lot in my brain and it'd be a lot to share the entirety of recent exchanges that have ended up in failed relationships, so I'll try asking this and hope it's enough to get critical thinking help from you, thank you much in advance. (1/2)
[con't: I notice a pattern of me trying to communicate and express myself to be understand by, or be emotionally met by Fi users, and them responding by saying things like "I don't know what you want from me", "I don't know how to help you," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or them even saying variations of "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" (ENTJ) if I express that I feel dismissed, uncomfortable, or disrespected.
This isn't ALL Fi users thank God & I'm in therapy now to address my downplaying of my emotional needs, being willing to work through anything even though the romantic relationships I'm attracting are woefully incompatible or unhealthy. But I want to get better at doing my part to increase the chance of relationships building. What am I doing/expecting/judging in my communication with Fi users so they respond that way or has me feeling being unseen/misunderstood? Is it the basic INFJ recs?]
You point to Fi specifically. Fi doesn't require outside validation, so perhaps what you're encountering is their lack of concept of outside validation, in the manner that you're seeking it with Fe.
All of those example statements sound like they could be taken sincerely. "I don't know what you want from me" could be an opportunity for you to better explain what you need/want. "I don't know how to help you" could be an opportunity for you to provide better instructions. "I'm sorry you feel that way" could be a helpless admission that the two of you don't see things the same way. "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" could be an indication that there is a need to investigate the big gap between what was perceived and what was actually intended.
Not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with you, not everyone is going to agree with your version of events, not everyone is going to care about your needs and feelings enough to address them kindly and patiently. This should all be okay with you unless you were walking around expecting everyone out there to have the capacity to meet you emotionally or validate your emotions (unhealthy Fe)? That's simply not gonna happen, so it's an unreasonable expectation. That's why it's so important that YOU be the first to take care of yourself and own your emotions, set proper personal boundaries, and navigate interpersonal boundaries more gracefully.
If you feel someone has violated your boundary (i.e. you feel hurt by them), the answer isn't to violate theirs in return. You're trying to fix a problem in the relationship, so further damaging the relationship isn't going to help. Whether you are right to feel hurt is not the main issue. Feelings themselves are always true and tell you something true about you. However, what you DO about the feelings isn't always right. There are two main ways people deal with negative feelings: 1) bottle them up, which amounts to self-harm, or 2) express them, which opens up the possibility of doing harm to others, if they don't have the means to process your feelings. Neither way is ideal.
If your main approach is to expect people to change (when they can't or don't want to), expect them to give you more than they are capable of giving (due to not having the means or resources), expect them to understand something that they are not really capable of understanding (when they just don't think in the same way as you), etc, your expectations are easily perceived as "demands". You're essentially pressuring people to be what you want them to be, which amounts to dishonoring them and violating their boundary. This approach is usually met with submission or resistance. If they submit to you (because they care for you), they will be unhappy for having allowed you to violate their boundary, and the problem will recur because it was only swept under the rug. If they resist you, conflict ensues, and the relationship bond will be tested and possibly threatened, especially if the conflict recurs without resolution.
There is a way to honor your feelings while also honoring others' feelings. It requires you to have good emotional intelligence and be a good communicator. Good emotional intelligence means respecting your feelings and taking full responsibility for them. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim (i.e. "you made me feel this way"), you see yourself as an agent with the power to decide what is best (i.e. "I feel this way and this is what I should do about it"). Positioning yourself as a passive or helpless victim means that you cast blame and eventually demand reparations. Positioning yourself as an active and influential agent means that you survey the situation objectively and then try to act in the best interests of everyone involved. This is what healthy and confident Fe should look like.
For example, when you feel dismissed, maybe you bottle it up for awhile, until you can't take it anymore (because the problem remains unaddressed). Then you confront people and say, "I feel dismissed". This implies that the other person has done something bad to you. You are the victim, which puts them on the spot, feeling like the bad guy, and then they can't hear you, due to becoming too preoccupied with not wanting to be the bad guy. Communication is likely to stall there, unless they have the wherewithal (emotional intelligence) to keep their focus on you and your concerns.
Instead, you could say to yourself, "I feel dismissed". You take full responsibility for your feelings and validate them for yourself. When you are good at validating your own feelings and emotions (something you admit you really struggle with), you'll eventually find that you won't need to rely on others to do it for you.
What does it mean to feel dismissed? It means that you believe you're not being taken seriously, or something to that effect. Not very difficult to understand. What to do about it? The feeling of disharmony is a message to you that you have to do more to advocate for yourself and make space for yourself within the relationship/group (it is good Fe advice). There are many ways to advocate for yourself without stepping on others. If you choose the right way, in terms of honoring everyone involved, the feeling of being dismissed will dissipate naturally. If you choose the wrong way, in terms of honoring yourself but dishonoring others, you'll encounter the problem again, because you haven't addressed the underlying problem of you positioning yourself as the victim in every relationship conflict. Chronic victim mentality is often an indication that you depend too much on outside validation of your self-worth.
Unless you are stuck in a very toxic social environment, the majority of people are not malicious for no reason. Before accusing or blaming, are you absolutely certain that they INTENDED to dismiss you? If not, wouldn't it be wise to gather more info? For instance, you could ask something like, "Have you had the time to give my idea serious consideration?" No blaming, no battling, no victim-victimizer dynamic. Do you understand how communicating without blame, through genuine inquiry, avoids trapping the both of you in a vicious cycle of seeking emotional reparations? You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give people the chance to clarify or explain. You give yourself the chance to grasp the FULL picture so that you can make a more informed decision about what to do (based on their response to your question). But this presence of mind isn't possible when you can't accept your feelings/emotions and they run wild as a result.
One common misapplication of Ti is the tendency to jump to illogical conclusions or make up illogical stories about what is motivating people's negative behavior, all the while believing that you're being completely logical. It's a destructive way to deal with negative or disharmonious feelings. Once the false narrative infects your mind, you can't help but perceive the person as attacking you, even when they're not. This misuse of Ti is a major impediment to relationship building.
The problem with victim mentality is that you are hyperfocused on your perspective only, so you only have half the picture, which means making ill-informed decisions. If you are prone to Ti loop, you need to get to the bottom of why you're so quick to position yourself in the passive position of victim. A healthy relationship should be an equal partnership based on trust, which means that you should always try to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt, and 2) gather the facts of the situation before drawing a conclusion about what they intended or what kind of character they are.
If the fact of the matter is that the person really doesn't care about your feelings, then you know not to seek validation from them, and perhaps distance from them for your own good. Don't play around in toxic or abusive relationships. If the fact of the matter is that your perception of the situation doesn't match up with what they intended to say/do, then it's up to you to straighten out the situation in your mind before proceeding.
Trust your feelings, validate your feelings, but don't act blindly on them (i.e. without fully grasping what's happening with the other person). Figure out why exactly you're feeling what you're feeling, then take it up with the person in a way that addresses the root of the problem and in a way that doesn't immediately put them on the defensive. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, but being more skilled at communicating your concerns will certainly reduce the amount of pain required to reach a resolution.
#infj#infj relationships#emotional intelligence#auxiliary fe#ti loop#communication#self worth#victim mentality#boundaries#relationships#conflict#ask
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natasha didn't know what to expect from carol, really. from what she'd heard and seen, carol was quick to strike, quick to resort to means of solving something that didn't involve deception like this. and yet, as natasha watched her like this, she was honestly impressed by her actions. well, she wasn't sure how impressed she should be given that she'd already alluded to finding the blonde attractive, so how much of it really was playing a game and how much was her just truly flirting? maybe carol was better at putting on an act that natasha thought. there was a lot of the blonde that was a mystery -- it wasn't as if there were tons of opportunities for them to work together like this. they knew each other, sure, but not to any great length.
as natasha tried to focus on finishing her task, she couldn't help but let her focus slip to carol's conversation. she knew she needed to be focusing on her own surroundings. on figuring out if this woman was truly alone or if there was anyone around natasha that could see what she was doing. but at the same time, natasha knew that she was good at what she did. it wasn't as if she couldn't handle a simple planting of a device. it was something she could do in her sleep. but she wasn't going to screw this up, not such an easy task. seeing the wink from carol after her whole ... act ( which natasha wasn't even sure was really an act ) , natasha took a small step away from the bar, meeting carol part way.
as the blonde put her hand in her arm, natasha managed a soft laugh, shaking her head. " i knew you were a 'babe' person. " she said in a low voice once they were a few steps away from the other blonde, looking at carol with a small smirk that pulled at her lips. as the woman spoke, natasha nodded, simply looking at her as she spoke. " and did you just volunteer me for a threesome? " the question was paired with a raise of her brow. " because you know, you could have just asked. " there was a laugh that escaped her lips after her comment, her hand moving to touch carol's that was in her arm as they walked away from the bar slightly, putting distance between them and the other woman. it wasn't like she cared at all -- that much natasha hoped she was making clear with her body language.
" we'll start with her. see what we can get. i mean, i think if you spoke to her a second longer, she'd probably melt into a puddle on the floor, so i think you can get some information out of her very, very easily. " natasha looked at her then, allowing herself to take carol in. it was surprisingly .... nice being with her. working alone was easier, sure. but well, it wasn't like she'd get this kind of excitement on her own. if she was on her own doing this, she would have went right up to the group of men in suits near the office and talked her way into getting one alone before she'd turn off her act and get the information she needed. it would have been easy. she would have felt in her element. but maybe being out of her element was something she was learning not to hate.
" we have twenty minutes to spare, then. you want a drink for all of your hard work? because i may or may not have had a couple of shots while you were .... busy. " the tiny smirk returned back to natasha's lips. " so i think it's only fair that you also have a drink. you know, for courage. unless you're the goody two shoes type that won't have a few drinks on the job. " it was to blend in. or at least, it was a decent excuse. she could remember the day she'd submitted her expense report to shield for getting intel on someone -- the lecture fury had given her was enough entertainment for weeks.
" you're good at this, you know. i shouldn't be surprised, really. " she didn't know exactly what kind of vibe that carol gave off, but it wasn't like natasha had seen her fight, had seen her work, all that much. and it wasn't like natasha just fit into one mold either -- she'd seen and done plenty. she'd worked for shield for so long, but there was plenty she did off shield's radar that she'd kept secret for ages. " i'm impressed. you're full of more surprises than i thought. "
carol may not be a spy but she had picked up on the ability to look out of the corner in her eye to see what her companion was doing without giving her away. she watched natasha as she moved casually, with the practiced ease of a professional, and tried to resist the nagging voice in the back of her head that longed to know more about her, to understand how she had learned this stuff, it couldn't have been all shield's influence? but, she focused on the task at hand instead, which was the blonde who was leaning in closer to her to hear her better. if she got the device in, and maybe if she got the blonde alone, could she get more information out of her? would natasha be impressed by her? oh, sue her, she has a bit of an ego that needs maintaining sometimes.
"seemed like you were with somebody else," the blonde said, blinking at her from under her eyelashes. she was a bit shorter than carol, and admittedly beautiful; under different circumstances, maybe this would've led somewhere more private for the night. out of the corner of her eye again, she caught natasha's gaze -- stall her? she could do that. time to lay it on thick.
"not quite," carol replied, her voice dropping a tone as she put on her best flirty smirk. she shifted until one leg was off the stool, keeping a close eye on the blonde's body signals as she shifted to look a little taller. thankfully, the blonde reacted perfectly, her body moving to face away from the bar as carol subtly guided her with her eyes. "in fact, you might be able to help me with that..." she leaned in, her lips brushing the blonde's ear. if she was right, this was when she would be able to feel the blonde shiver at the closeness. yep, there it was. "we were just looking for a bit of fun."
when she pulled away, the blonde's pupils were dark, her gaze flitting between carol's eyes. she didn't notice natasha reach into her purse and then set her phone back down, but she did lean her head a bit to the side, towards natasha, as though she was going to look at her. suspecting this was about to backfire really badly, carol took a chance and placed her hand on the blonde's hip, distracting her. when the blonde looked back at her, she said: "what do you mean?"
carol looked down at this woman, momentarily forgetting about the situation around them as the sultry voice distracted her. her head tilted slightly as she studied the other woman's face. beautiful, indeed. eyes half lidded, she leaned in until their noses were brushing, lips barely apart. she waited for the blonde to do exactly what she expected: freeze, take a shaky breath, tentatively raise her hands to touch carol's arms, then finally try to lean in to close the distance. carol slowly pulled away before she could, eyes drifting to natasha. then, she winked.
before parting from the blonde, she whispered some last words to her and pressed her lips to the back of her hand in a soft kiss. (second time she'd done that that night.) when she left her, the blonde was staring straight ahead, looking a bit shell-shocked. carol felt the back of her neck heating up but she kept her cool as she approached natasha, greeting her with a; "hey, babe" and a hand reaching out for her elbow to guide her away enough from the bar.
"enjoyed the show?" she asked once they were out of earshot, her lips curled up in a smirk. she sincerely hoped this confidence didn't fade her tonight after that little performance. "i told her to meet us in the back in 20 minutes. want to see if we can get information out of her? if not, we can always find someone else to intercept, maybe get them to tell each other some information. what do you think?"
#twinklefists#* ⟢ ━━ natasha romanoff. ( threads )#nat is impressed ! she's like ok carol i see u !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1#also is being flirty bc why not#nat has been talking a lot wow it's not just words !!!!!!!!!!! in her head!!!!!!!!!!!!
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